#and more paperwork to fill out
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This is turning into the spring of how many times can I complain about emails to my friends before they get sick of me
#I’m trying to restrain myself so bad right now#basically I work on a study where we collect frogs#and we do it all over the United States#so that means we have to get state permits - great#okay we’ve got most our state permits#however we would normally road cruise for frogs but not all frog species can be reliably found on roads#so we’re started requesting wildlife management areas and national forests#however for a lot of these states we have just fairly recently got our state permit#and we need our state permit to apply to these other places#and so we are applying to a bunch a bit close to the wire to when we plan to be there#and oooohh my god every time I contact someone there is more people to contact#and more paperwork to fill out#dear god#and like everyone is super nice!#and helpful and stuff but wow… emails are exhausting#communicating with twenty different people at once is more exhausting then searching for frogs for real#by yours truly the omelette of cheese
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can't believe none of you have mentioned that in kunikida's new years mayoi side story, he asks yosano for help cleaning ranpo's desk because he 'doesn't know what he's allowed to touch' help that's so precious to me. he respects his coworkers so much i can'tfucking handle it they are just a little family
AND THEN YOSANO IS LIKE 'oh tanizaki while you're out shopping can you buy some candy and ramune. ranpo's almost out we need to top him up' why is this 26 year old manchild receiving more love from his coworkers than i ever have from my parents
#dia's daydreams#dazai's paperwork is canonically SO messy that tanizaki compares it to 'geological layers'#and he found an unfinished report of dazai's from the week prior. the only thing filled out was the *date*. i'm crying#and the way kunikida is like 'please can you do this thing for me' and everyone is like 'yea sure' and he's like 'thank you so much. this m#eans more to me than you'll ever realise. i appreciate it more than you know. many thanks'#like goddamnit wtf kunikida stop being perfect challenge failed#also him warning naomi and haruno against going out alone in the dark he's so sweet#and then they convince him to let loose and come see fireworks with them?? help they ARE a family#and then kunikida being like 'i did your stupid fucking papers for you' and dazai just saying 'i appreciate that'#no dumb quips just a little 'thanks man'. like help thats so sweet im gonna kms
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avoidant tendencies whispering sweet reassurances in my ear like "you'll just wing it" or "put it off. there's pleny of time"
#cant even jinx anything anymore all i can do at this point is rly fuck up by not being prepared so#long story short im like moving to a new place in the next 2 weeks basically#(have never moved before <3 mentally checking out as soon as im not filling out paperwork <3)#and in fucking 3 weeks i have a flight to uk for julia's (yes we are on first name basis) book signing#(have never been been to uk <3 been on a plane literally once <3 dumb and will get lost before i even reach the airport <3)#ok feeling better now. i need to get through this and buy the green gay couch of my dreams etc#if im weirdly stressed abt hacks season finale more than a person reasonably should be. Do Not Worry
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At this point i think maybe I'll just let the bank repossess my car. The dmv is going to kill me
#had to get some more paperwork and the guy last time told me VERY specifically that I just needed to get this#one part filled out and that the rest wasn't necessary#so i went in today (with my dear friends who said they'd keep me company ❤️) and the lady was SO MEAN and talked to me like i was stupid#and was like ''ACTUALLY you have to do all of this too'' so now i have to go get all of that signed too#I'm gonna die. I'm gonna kill someone. but we're going to stop by the mall before we go back to decompress lmao#ANYWAY. i intend to keep my car but this is pissing me right off#brookie's bullshit
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Lads i have Fucked Up Big Time
#somehow I just. Fuckin. Forgot. That if I wanna switch my major that I have to do a bunch if shit#and I missed the deadline for it because I didn't realize that I needed to do it and also forgot to reach out about it until WAY too late#so now I can't do anything until the spring#which is also bad because I don't know what the fuck my class schedule should be!!!!!!!#advisor told me that I can talk to her after the enrollment period and schedule a meeting and we can figure out what I'm doing from there#but like. ouggggggghhg#Im so worried there's gonna be some fuckup with my schedule and I won't be able to register for enough classes to be a full time student#which would be so bad#idk should I just wait until AFTER the enrollment period??? and just have no classes???#I'm gonna try and register for a few classes so I at the very least have Something in my schedule#mainly ones for my current (old) major and a few of the new classes#because multiple classes that I need to take I can Only take them IF I'm enrolled in that major. Which I'm currently not because I'm stupid#im just stressed now and unfortunately there isn't much i can do 🥰#i don't even know which classes I should be trying to take. I can GUESS but like who the fuck knows#so i can't even try and plan out a potential schedule i just get to sit on my ass and stress#sighh. im gonna try to not think about it bc its gonna stress me out#on one hand it's tempting to blame like. idk. literally every adult i talked to because none of them actually told me#“Hey btw you actually need to go to this office and fill out this paperwork and submit it by a due date”#they were just like yeah okay u can take some classes. and then we'll figure it out later#like. i would have gone and done the shit if I knew I needed to do iT!!!!#but also I should have sat down and looked more into it to so#bleughhhhhhhh#I'm just stressed. and annoyed. at myself mainly because like. duh of course I'd have to go fill out paperwork but I just was like#“Yeah I'll talk to my advisor later” and kept pushing shit off until it was too late <3#idk man im. so tired#hopefully it'll all work out okay and fine and i won't have the shittiest schedule on earth next semester#and hopefully the classes i need won't fill up!!!! :))))))#ahahahahahsh#im fucked man#lilac post
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Went to a therapist today for the first time in a few years! They’re nonbinary and a year younger than I am (💀) but they took me seriously when I described my Issues (I’m mostly there for ADHD reasons…family things will have to wait) and seemed on board with pursuing a diagnosis so I’m really hopeful, genuinely
#they’re also like a full head shorter than I am#I picked them bc their gender yeah#and I’m their bio they sounded like my kind of nerd#I’m not there for gender stuff cuz I’m actually pretty ok with where I’m at with that#but I think the fact that they’re also nb makes it easier cuz like they get it even without me hashing it all out LOL#and ofc bc more similar life experiences#I had been vaguely worried that we might be TOO similar but they’re professional and capable and clearly know their stuff#so I’m hoping it’ll be all good#me stuff#I really can’t believe I finally got past the executive dysfunction well enough to actually start treating my executive dysfunction lmao#also I filled out the paperwork before the appointment and they were AMAZED that I did#I have gotten a good grade in therapy for the week LOL
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the thing about assistance programs is that people working there tend to want people to actually be on the programs so you can be an idiot about applying and theyll just ask. for whatever you missed and also they all ask for the same information so if you make a little folder of all that stuff it gets easier and quicker
#and also at least for here the application i just filled out was SO user friendly it was like one question to a page with large text and big#buttons more like a quiz than a form#and if you save copies when you do paperwork about it theyll be asking the same questions when you have to reapply so you can just. reuse#the same answers/update as necessary#<- when they get weird niche questions#& in general once your on one its easier to get on others
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hey does anyone know how we’re supposed to survive it all. asking for a friend
#she speaks#oh gang we’re really in it now#i don’t think i’ve ever felt this bad this deeply in my whole life lol#the burnout just keeps accumulating past any point i thought it could reach#and i can’t even pretend at work anymore#i’m so tired and these kids are so infuriating and it builds and builds every time they do something shitty#and i love them and it’s not their fault they’re just kids and they’re tired and it’s almost summer#but god i can’t fucking do it anymore#how exactly am i supposed to survive the next two weeks#the class i’m taking is too confusing and too fast paced#and i didn’t buy the textbook bc it’s 200 fucking dollars#and our apartment is always a mess#and i can’t keep up with friendships and feel like i’m constantly letting them down#and there’s nothing i can do to fix any of it#until the school year is over#bc at this point it takes everything i have just to get up and go to work in the mornings#but then i still have to somehow find energy to do other stuff too. and like actually teach.#i have to grade and do report cards and return materials and clean up my classroom#i need to complete a checklist the size of a novel before i leave for the summer#i need to keep the kids engaged but none of us want to be here#i need to start organizing to make next year easier#i need to fill out paperwork and spreadsheets and update my password and find time to feed myself and grade more papers and#vacuum the floors and scoop litter and clean up clutter and do dishes and wipe down counters#and i haven’t been able to fucking do any of it in months and left so many chores to my poor partner who’s also going through it#bc i have nothing left and i don’t know what to do!! i want to scream every minute of every day bc i’m so beyond overwhelmed the moment#i wake up in the morning but i don’t have time for a meltdown so i just keep going!!#i wish i had better words to explain how bad it’s gotten but the brain fog has gotten so so bad#i can barely think i can’t make decisions my memory and recall have gotten so much worse#i take my anxiety meds so often that they’ve stopped working#and yet i still worry that i’m making it up and being dramatic. anyway sorry about all this lol
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i'm almost 100% sure i've uploaded this before somewhere else but i thought i'd post it again
mac & charlie belong to @starchymcgee as always!
#my art#feoha#fnaf#charlie#mac#still proud of the stuff on the left ngl#i also need. to draw more feoha. but my tablet cord is fucking Lost#my life has been insanely busy w/ moving and having to fill out paperwork for some major life changes orz#so i missed out on reading feoha for a hot minute but now i'm caught up again!! and haha 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵#i;m so abnormal about charlie....... the
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Ugh, I really want to finish editing this chapter so I can keep my posting streak going (9 weeks straight!), but my head is so full of work-related information that I am literally buzzing; vibrating at high speed.
Here's hoping that going to bed will help the storage space in my brain and I can work on it tomorrow T_T
#love my new job so far#like. wayyyy more than i've liked any other job i've had.#seems like a great position and a good place to work#however. a coworker is leaving and her position is not one that can be left empty#so in the interim until we find someone to hire... i'll be filling in XD#not what anyone was expecting lmao least of all me#i don't mind especially since they were very clear that i'd be compensated for it#BUT it does mean learning at least two entirely new software programs and about a dozen databases and processes#and that's just the tip of the iceberg; not even mentioning the paperwork side of things#... in two weeks XDD#i have no background/experience in anything remotely related to this position. so it's all brand new info.#at the same time i'm also learning the ropes of my own position#which is far more familiar stuff but still. every workplace does things differently so i still need to figure out the specifics for here#brain is. ON FIRE.#withoutwords
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The shitty thing is like, I can have all the class consciousness in the world and be all too aware of how much is outside my capability, but that doesn't make it any easier not to feel like kind of a useless leech when filling out paperwork and having to confront being simultaneously too poor to afford anything more than basics, and still insanely lucky to have family covering those basics.
#not a reblog#i need to find a job#but just doing this stupid paperwork took me a couple months#how am I going to fill out a zillion applications?#how did I do it before?#especially knowing it's probably not gonna last#more than a few months before I'm given the boot again?
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sometimes seeing the accommodations my school offers is like. genuinely insane. one of the accommodations for test-taking is bathroom breaks which really only leads me to wonder why were bathroom breaks banned in the first place? why is drinking water “an accommodation” and not just like. a basic right
#even extended time is odd to me#if I can’t finish the test in time because I’m a slow reader….. shouldn’t I be allowed to take my time ??#it’s not meant to be based on how FAST you can do it#<- this isn’t me trying to rag on the kids with extended time either#they always try to calculate like the minimum amount of time they can give kids for a test#while still technically ‘accommodating’ them#but like. obviously they COULD be giving us more time#also I’m pretty sure I have some kind of undiagnosed condition that would give me extended time if I had a doctor’s note for it#AND I DONT THINK I SHOULD NEED A DOCTOR’S NOTE!!!#I SHOULD JUST BE ALLOWED TO PEE GODDAMMIT#I shouldn’t need to fill out paperwork for that !!!!!#beebs blabbing#sorry I hate the way teenagers/kids are treated. all the time
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Trying to listen to something about that small college in Florida Desantis took over for politics but hearing it described as it was before reminded me of college-hunting with my mom and triggered the shit out of me.
#School was just.#Around 9-11 school stopped being something I could manage and transitioned more to like#‘’Welcome to the world! This is hell and it lasts forever. At the bottom of our pit here you can see the churning toothsome maw which it#is your sisyphean task to crawl away from even as the loose dirt of the sloping pitsides crumbles beneath your hands and feet carrying you#ver closer. If you fail to escape the maw something that brings you pleasure in life will be taken from you and you will be reconstructed#and returned to the pit to fail again.’’#Looking at residential colleges makes me so sad to look back on because of how low my standards for my life were.#My mom was carting me around California and filling in a major for me on tour paperwork and I was trying to be as small and socially gracef#l as possible and that was it. No thought of what I wanted. No thought of my own future at all aside from a vague sense that#given how all my efforts towards anything collapsed in their infancy#I would not be the type of person who Gets Into Colleges.#And I was right! I don’t remember if I couldn’t handle the application process or if I just never got accepted to any residential colleges#r if it was a decision my mother made for me after I dropped out of high school and got a GED instead of graduating properly but I just wen#to community college for a semester. And then I convinced my parents to let me take a year off from struggling in the hell pit and they jus#let me walk out! And I never went back! And it’s only by luck of circumstance I’ve been able to get away with that!#Christ it’s 11 am and I haven’t had my breakfast smoothie. Calm down bitch.#Memories
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I want to create but idk what I want to create but I want to make something my hands
#I got some more cardboard and poster board so I could do some art stuff but idk what to do specifically#need to become a person who doodles and sketches more I like only do art on canvases or my junk journal collages but even that has been a#while I should do a junk journal spread with my birthday stuff i collected stuff to collage I’ve just gotta actually do it#and I want to finish my 13.5 vlog and upload it and I want to start an April vlog bc I haven’t yet and it’s eating away at me a little#but I also have to go get the tire fixed today which is like blahhhh cause I don’t wanna go or be outside or talk to people#whatever ugh#and tomorrow is the fucking blahghhhhh and I have to fill out more paperwork tonight god fuck I don’t want toooooo#I wanna watch a movie I’ve already seen before and forget about life
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today i rented a guitar.
#i think im worried about going into a bad headspace again this summer because summer is kind of a tricky time for that#i dont like not being at school#i think i always need to be doing something#so i rented a guitar from the music store and im going to attempt to learn over the summer#i was noodling around for like an hour and it sounds so relaxing#ive been “playing” ukulele for a few years now and its a lot trickier than ukulele because there's more strings but knowing how its mapped#out from already knowing how a ukulele works is super helpful#its nice having something to work on for the next little while#but im more excited about the prospect of just having been able to do that#like i walked into the store and went “i wanna rent a guitar” and the dude was like “how old r u” and i went “twenty"#and then i filled out the paperwork and now i just have a guitar#and it only cost like 20 bucks#thats so cool to me#idk i guess they're just little things that remind me that being an adult is scary but it can also be kind of fun? you kind of realize that#when everyone else tells you that you have free will now it doesnt just mean being able to drive whereever you want whenever you want#it means being able to rent things and stuff too#and having the authority to say “i would like to do this” and being totally allowed to do it (within ethical boundaries ofc ofc 😌😌😌)#its like...deeper than the kind of rebelliousness of driving past midnight or getting tattoo or driving to a bar#its a weird sense of control thats oddly reassuring#delete later probably#tig rants
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So I start my new job today... hope this helps
#personal#like yes I work in law#but in a much more real sense rn I work in filling out paperwork for various government entities
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