#and more if i go back farther
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Truly one of my all time favorite art forms is bathroom stall graffiti
#lav rambles#i have a whole collection of photos#of the ones in my school bathrooms#and more if i go back farther#its just so deeply human to me
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Redraw of something from a whopping 6 YEARS ago- original under the cut
#art#my art#October#dragon#witch#redraw#ough middle school me was soooo proud of this one#fun to see how far I’ve come!!! :3#lmk if you want to see more redraws- I can go even farther back 😳#and boy it gets BAD.
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not to be annoying but can we please stop calling tdj fandom declining. it's always been a small fandom. it's survived this long. it goes through it's peaks and valleys with creatives and activity. declining is absolutely the wrong word to use.
#i'm still mutuals with so many og tdj ppl who often are in other fandoms#but they still post tdj on occasion#that's engagement and not every fandom is going to be so active in the way bigger ones are#declining suggests everyone leaves and that couldn't be farther from the truth#and that's what has made tdj so very special#ppl being into other things but they still come back from time to time to check in like it's so lovely and i couldn't ask for anything more#x
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Writing and messing with early scenes for Idyia and Rubra-Harenas after having SO MUCH fermenting in my head for like two months now is hard. Because most of me is re-reading what I spewed on the document is going 'Hmmmm.... Are they being too open and friendly with each other WAY too soon?'
And then there's the rest of me going 'YOU TWO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BEST FRIENDS!! HURRY UP AND BE FRIENDS ALREADY!!!'
#sauria ocs#I feel like I don't have good pacing when it comes to character writing/writing in general -__-#the gremlin part of my mind just wants them to be friends NOW#maybe I should mess with other scenes farther down the line WHILE also doing the early scenes so the gremlin part has something to chew on#I'm not really writing everything in order this time either; just the more developed parts and going back and working on the connecting tis#tissues after so...
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Just take things at your own pace, there’s no need to rush (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#Dexter Favin#Mostly spacefillers but I like them <3 Continuation!#Following up on the Dex and ZEX kiss and then Dex runs away scenario lol - one of those rare times that Dex hopes he drops it#He's not dropping it! Time to talk about this! Goes about it too excitedly and overstimulates him poor thing <3#Don't turn his head suddenly! Don't shout! Don't expect him to remember all at once! Goodness me#One step forward two steps back#The middle one lol I was thinking about tools that might help ZEX feel more comfortable engaging with the world around him#I was thinking he'd enjoy an iPad or similar device - though Helix was published before the first iPad came out! :0 Hmm hmm#But anyway - that he'd enjoy a touch screen and getting to use one with his hands :) Either playing tactical games or just looking up facts#Gets one of those 3D solar system model apps and zooms in and out - very distressed when it doesn't go farther than Pluto :(#I've also been thinking about ZEX's ability to read I keep going back and forth on it I can't decide ahhh#He loves humans but would he have studied English specifically?? It's pretty different from VUK ZIX#Does the Captain speak English? Have any of the human languages survived in the same form that we currently speak???#But he's also incredibly intelligent and interested in humans - weeb equivalence of learning Japanese to read untranslated manga lol#I can't deciiiidee urrggghhh#The rest are age comparisons haha#Dexter was probably at least of legal employment age when he started working for the Vyers when Max was 16 if I remember right?#Unless Dex was one of those family-employment situations of like - when rich people have caretakers that are close to their child's age?#Is that still a thing lol hired playmates#And then ''At least 10 years younger'' might be a slightly high estimate lol but ZEX is definitely older than DAX#Odd to be put in such a young body! Oddly feels more out of shape than his VUX body (lol)#With how much he's gone through even without literally being older he's definitely ages years in such a short time#Especially to be younger than his DAX-equivalent that'd have to feel weird#Has difficulty saying ''me'' when referring to the body he's in :(#Just one more oddity of this human experience
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I love railway employees who throw shade. The conductor of the train I'm on right now just got on the intercom and said, "On your left, all the traffic you avoided!" She's having a great time.
#I like trains#let's go back to that actually#less things designed for cars instead of people#more and better and farther-reaching public transit
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i miss my family so much
#beep#i don't want to move farther away from them. i don't want to have to video call them instead of talking in person.#i want to eat dinner as a family and sit with them to watch movies and go out for coffee and play with my toddler together#i want to stay up late talking about video games and take the kids to the park and water their garden and go thrift shopping together#i want to sit in the same room and not feel like we have to make the most of every moment because we only have a few more days to visit#before some of us have to get in the car or on a plane or a train and go back home more than 400 miles away#(or over 1400 miles‚ once we move later this month)#i don't want to cross time zones to see the people i love!!#i want to walk to their house and say ''hey do you want to hang out for a bit'' !!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry i just feel very emotional rn
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I hate how every job says they're looking for a person like this because I am none of those things? Where are the jobs willing to pay top dollar for an unmotivated unprofessional cold unpersonable non starter who is disorganized and pays very little attention to detail?
#also i wish my guidance counselor in high school had sat me down and said dont go to college without a career plan#instead of what he did do which was tell me my grades are so good i absolutely should go to college#wish he had said at least make sure you get an aa in like accounting or something to fall back on#am i bitter about never finding a job that uses my degree that wouldnt also include needing grad school?#kinda#capitalism makes fools of us all#crap#its shut down week at the ethanol plant that does nothing with my english or fine art degrees#and also nothing with my 15 years of retail and customer service experience either lmao#i fucking hate shut down so much it is inevitable i start thinking of quitting even tho i am making more money than i have in my life#how fucking insane is it that jobs that require a masters degree will pay 15 an hour and yet this job that requires a ged at most starts at#like 25 and this plant actually starts low judging by what other plants are offering like damn#every job ive ever had needed no degree at all how much farther ahead would i be if id just gone straight to work?#like i fucking loved the college experience but it didnt do a fucking thing for me other than saddle me with life crushing debt
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caleb,,,.. andjfhjdnd evely..n.........
#'ten thousand centuries / world's new welcomes the sun's reprieves'#'so hold me down / or else i'll float away'#imagine being so in love your love survives for centuries on end#through generations and generations of the same body horror flick over and over#he'll always find his evelyn#i'm going to throw up#lunter#because every calevelyn song is a lunter song#okay no. more tags because that's not the worst of it#'now you and i are mysteries / part human part make-believe' like are you being serious rn#'your soul stretches farther than my skin' the essence of evelyn's love has always found its way back to caleb#'it was a magic show when the world began' caleb was reborn the day he fell for her#his love for her shaped his entire worldview to the point that he became a different person altogether...#damn. the potential of that lunter endgame. time to mourn it yet again
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253 today. And I had to do it without my usual cup of tea, like an animal. So I get extra credit.
#I really expected to be a lot farther along by now#but I keep going back to add more stuff in#alas#shut up fraddit
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THE THING ABOUT INTERPRETATION. THE THING. WELL YOU GUYS DON’T EVEN GET IT
#SEE EVERY BOOK HAS THREE WORLD#THE AUTHOR. THE READER. AND THE TEXT#AND THE TEXT HAS THREE WORLDS TOO !!!!!!! FUCKING INSANE#THE WORLD BEHIND THE TEXT THE WORLD OF THE TEXT AND THE WORLD IN FRONT OF THE TEXT#AND THE ISSUE IS WHEN THE WORLD IN FRONT OF THE TEXT AND THE WORLD BEHIND THE TEXT GET TOO FAR APART#BUT YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK YOU WILL NEVER GO BACK YOU'RE JUST GONNA KEEP GETTING FARTHER AND FARTHER APART#YOU WILL NEVER GO HOME YOU CAN NMEVER GO HOME IT'S SO SICK THE LONGER YOU'RE GONE THE MORE IT CHANGES THIS IS SO SO SO EVIL#IT'S LIKE THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA#THE KDIS CAN NEVER GO BACK TO THE GOLDEN DAYS OF NARNIA WHEN THEYWERE KINGS AND QUEENS#THEY WILL NEVER SEE THOSE FRIENDS AGAIN THEY WILL NEVER HAVE THOSE LIUVES AGAIN#THEY WILL VISIT BUT IT WILL CHANGE AND DEGRADE#AND WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR US?????? FOR OUR STORIES?????????#ONE DAY YOU WILL READ OF ME AND I WILL BE UNFAMILIAR#THIS IS SO SICK#I HATE THIS CLASS (<- GUYY WHO LOVES HIS CLASS TOO MUCH)#tw caps#timothy's txts.#tw swearing
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oh the hubris of not immediately washing the blanket I brought to our campsite ...
woke up to BUG BITES. and now spending the day washing and cleaning all our bedding since I threw the blanket on top of our bed last night
#[static]#i was just too tired and wanted to wait to do laundry lmao#also got over some of my anxiety by driving out to the mountains and back#cant tell if it's my ocd or my gad that makes me scared im going to blow a tire if i drive more than 30 minutes straight LMAO#can confirm our car did fine driving much Much farther than that lmao#it's super irrational and i know it but it doesnt stop the thought ... but often times Doing the thing that i cant stop thinking about-#-helps to a degree#im making a bit pot roast rn too! with fresh herbs from the garden#i want to lounge and play bg3 but it'll have to wait a couple more hours#also percy is playing eso and listening to celtic folk music .... i think i'll marry him again
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Fuck it I'm in a bad mood here's some of the things I didn't tell my psychiatrist bc every time I started to she looked really freaked out and concerned
#rant#I'm not only what you can see#there's so much more to myself than what i look like physically#i just sometimes feel like im not the person you think i am but one of the others#it sounds so fucked up but that's what i feel sometimes#sometimes I'm me but a little bit to the left#or a fish eye view of me from slightly above#sometimes people speak to my body while I'm watching from a little bit farther away#ik that that's most likely from disassociation#but yeah#i don't recognize my face in the mirror most of the times#ik that the person looking back is me bc ik what color and length my hair is and how my eyes look#but sometimes it looks so warped i get scared bc i can't understand why i look so different than before#I'm scared that someday i might hurt someone#that i won't be able to control my thoughts#when i took 3x times my medication i felt like an invisible human form was moving my body while i watched from a few feet back#i felt nothing#i wasn't concerned bc i didn't feel like my body was mine so i let it happen bc i wanted to see what was going to happen#i have nearly 2 years of my life that i almost completely don't remember#i managed to make friends and idk how bc i just can't remember#apparently i used to be really mean and bitchy#i believe in ghosts and nothing people say will make me change my mind#i know that the “paranormal experiences '' i had as a kid were just hallucinations but i can't help myself#i know that the voices were hallucinations and what i saw wes also a visual glitch#i can't stop the magical thinking#i tryed#but my life makes so much sense with it#when i sed that during a psychotic episode a thing was wearing my mother's face and skin was following me around and wanted to kill me#i think i made the part were i was holding a knife up so i can feel better about myself#i sometimes pretend that i feel sorry for my actions bc my psychiatrist looks worried if i don't and ahe continues with the convo until i
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Season 1: Episode 19: Amazing Grant, How Sweet the Cern
Favorite moment: Propping the tower up with the sword. Really clever use of an item.
General thoughts:
In-universe parody intro of Mmmbop. One of my favorite parodies. I think it was an episode of Teen Talk or Talking Dads where people were complaining that they got a Henry Oak album, but not a Glenn one. I'd argue that we did get a Glenn album. It's all the Dadz Bop parody songs. Freddie sings them. And they are great.
Long, fun episode. I know they try to keep episodes around an hour, but I actually enjoy the hour and half, hour forty five episodes. I think going past 2 hours would be too much (a reason I've been having a hard time getting into Critical Role), but I enjoy the longer ones.
Combat with Cern is both touching and fun. And his mech is cool.
Grant killing the chimera is gross and crazy. But a clever plan. I'm just not sure it's the thing that actually makes him who we see later. I'd argue that killing the Drow is far more traumatic. It's a humanoid that Darryl (his dad) kills with a human gun. Way more realistic. Not like the fantastical nature of killing a giant three headed monster with an axe.
Generally, I've always had a hard time with Grant's characterization. Because it seems like a big leap to his season 2 personality and choices. But then again, I'm not really familiar with how trauma works. I still enjoy him as a character, but I have a hard time connecting the dots.
The tournament is over, but now Grant is gone. Next time, in Dungeons and Daddies, a... Fart?
#dungeons and daddies#dndads#s1ep19#amazing grant how sweet the cern#its amazing#the farther i get into these#the more enagaged i am#and the fewer notes i take on my thoughts#i have to remind myself to go back in and add things after the fact#Grant's disappearance is upsetting like Terry Jr's#this poor boy doesn't get to process any of his emotions#or lack thereof
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It literally says "Don't Go Mouth Wild"
What's so hard to understand?
i beg you.. stop only consuming kids media.. your life will be so much better
#My new work for bad takes talks and discourse#I had to come back to this because it hit me just before a shower#My brain said this is so dumb and you just have to process this post now#Because we are not going in there to think about somebody thinking that You should enjoy other things and probably not rule 34 anything#Is somehow a bad take?#Literally just go watch and enjoy anything else#Like... Even if you base line at Avatar the last air bender that is a huge amount of story telling intrigue and other worldly things#That make you... Think? Like atleast feel complexity farther than counting or learning that people don't like to be insulted#There is so many things out there and to limit yourself with escapism in a sterilized environment of kid kid shows is so sad#Like.... I feel like it's not crazy to say hey watch something that has a little more nuance or themes#and i'm sorry#Polisci?#I hate to say it but family guy gives more takes on that than Coco melon#I'm going to loose it#i'm out#Sorry friend but wow#Wow wow wow#I hope the context clues and similar words will still be understood because I'm not going back and rewriting that. Low hopes tho
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okay shoot me or whatever you want lol but i miss 2020. like for me personally that was a good ass year
#she bork#got super fit got super healthy mentally and did a lot of growth got lovesick then threw it up and felt better then got lovesick again but#that time my stomach settled. was looking at my playlist for that year (bc every year i make a playlist and add any song i get obsessed w or#listen to a lot) and it was a GOOD era of music for me. and thinking about each of those songs i can feel what it felt like to listen to#them back then and remember listening to them off a bluetooth speaker in my shitty honda or w my airpods in w my eyes closed on my bed w#only my color changing led lights on. fuck man i want to be young and healthy and happy again w no responsibilities and friends who also#have no responsibilities. growing up continues to fucking suck#and ROLLERSKATING???? FUCK i miss skating so bad. skating listening to tame impala and frank ocean and tyler the creator and brent fayaz and#scary story podcasts and alice isn't dead (never did finish that) . .. skating as the sun set. i remember skating down a hill where i would#always go so fast while new person same old mistakes by tame impala played and it hit THAT part of the song and it was so. i can't even#describe it. transcendent??? part of what i struggle with every single day is the idea that the older i get the fewer and farther between#those bursts of magic become. i have to believe there are more waiting for me. i have to i have to#furthermore (and less poetic lol) i miss working some part time bullshit job that didn't stress me out. really i miss not working at all#during quarantine but even when i went back it was for like. twenty hours a week. this full time bullshit w expectations and stakes sucks
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