#and money’s not really physical anymore so its like not even real and i cant run out if its not real so lets make it 400 bottles actually

[glassamphibians]

adult money is so dangerous i can by silly expensive drinks whenever i want and no one can stop me

[ganondoodle]

okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"

and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)

whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character

if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me

i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal

and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid

i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him

i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really

(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)

[pumakaji64]

i suffer from this annoying problem you see-

i want to do more, i really think i do- but i just feel so confined by my current living situation where i am consantnly around my family- you see in 2020 my father mother and eldest sister had to move in with my older sister and i because of covid costing my parents their jobs- i wasn't exactly doing stellar before this but i was feeling like i was starting to get a handle on my life and starting to figure important things out- but since the move i feel like ive had to put that all on halt......

i stopped going to online therapy because i have no privacy to do so and feel safe because if i wanted to get any real progress id have to talk about my family and my childhood whici i do NOT want any of them hearing about and i cant go physically because i cant drive and i dont want to waste more gas and the time of the others- i stopped drawing because i have no privacy to safely express myself without their eyes unless if i lock myself in my room which they will judge me for and now my dominant hand is permanantly injured making it painful to draw unless im careful about it- i am confined downstairs in the living room most of the time because i need to watch my dog (this is on me though I can accept that) so i feel like i have no space for myself and when i take leisure time feel nothing but guilt everytime my family comes by- they love teasing me over the dog too saying i dont do enough i dont know how much theyre joking i already feel like shit all the time so i dont really appreciate the jabs- being on here is the one consistant thing i can muster up enough energy to do- but even so not without constant guilt- most days off dont feel like much of anything.

its hard even to engage in my interests anymore- dont have the time, dont have the energy, dont have the privacy, dont have the intelligence, dont have the confidence, idk... just been tough lately i guess.

not even my room offers much respite- my parents room is right across and they love to keep their door open- i feel them watching everytime i go in

i feel stuck

i feel like im wasting my life

i feel like i will never get out of here

i do not know what to do

i dont think theres even anything waiting for me even if i can

tw suicide talk

i cant go back to school because i have no idea what i want to do with my life- theres so much pressure for me to be succesful and each day i feel like more and more of a failure- and i know if i try and fail again i might end up trying to kill myself like i did last time

but to be honest i know i cant even kill myself because i know the cost of a funeral wont be worht it and because im too much of a coward to do so

but staying alive isnt much better when you feel like a constant financial drain and worthless layabout all the time

and everytime i think i find some sort of plan or some way out its like a carrot on a stick thats tugged away from me like a joke

it's so funny- i was openyl gushing about how hopeful i felt and now realitys crashing back down once again! there's no getting out of here.

to make it all worse this year has been terrible for me healthwise- im falling apart in so many ways and i feel even worse about being a waste of money-

i dont feel like i can talk to any of them about how awful i feel- most of the time any attempt to do so ends poorly and even when it doesnt nothing changes- i dont know where to make heads or tails of it all- i know im to blame for a lot of my own issues i know i overreact and take things too personally- i feel like i paint an unfair picture of them sometimes but eveyr day feels harder to keep on going- i already struggled with doing basic shit to take care of myself but recently it feels impossible

they did always say i just dont care enough- either its always been true or at some point became it.

i dont want to go to my stupid fucking job that bores the shit out of me- but i have to- i have to be of use somehow- i didnt sleep last night- i dont want to go to work because when im at work i just think about all the things i could be doing- actually useful or fufilling things i know i wont do on my day off despite how badly i wish i was while at my job

but i have to- it's almost time- so i guess i will.

whats the point of writing all of this- a cry for help maybe? pity seeking maybe even if i try to deny it over and over- i guess im just nearing my breaking point- something about these ast few months have been really grueling lately- again probably to do with all the suddent medical issues and the fact that my 20's are halfway done and i have nothing of worth to show for it- i dont know what to do i dont think im ever escaping this place and maybe thats for the best

I’m not a good person- I have all the same horrible traits they do. I just hide it on here to appear more likable.

im 25- its too late- ive wasted my entire life- it was always going to end this way everyone whose ever knwon me could see it thats why they all gave up on me- i did too. theres no point in prentending i can be fixed and wasting any more money. i feel like a ghost in this house watching life pass by. i feel like a stupid child trapped in an adults body.

i dont know what to do anymore-everything feels like sawdust.

But I’ll be fine… I’m numbing it all out. I don’t feel enough to want to hurt myself this time. like i said i have to go to work soon

im going to go downstairs and my mother will see my horribly messy hair and she'll make some annoyed comment about me needing to brush and ask me to run my fingers throught the tangles and we'll go to work. and i'll tell stupid jokes to try to make her smile because its the least i can do.

despite it all i love them still- but some days i wish i could love them from a safe distance.

im tempted to delete this like i do with all my breakdowns that i post on blogs that arent my vent blog but i think i'll keep this one up- because deep down i think i do want some advice or help or something- i cant keep living like this. i dont know what to do to stop. i just wish i had more to offer in return.

or maybe i just need to yell- whatever- doesnt matter- i'll go back to my usual postings on both of my active blogs regardless of whatever happens after this post-im sure i'll regret it later and try to just ingore this and hope you all too but it's like 4 am so whose even gonna see this lol

[whorewithagodcomplex]

sweetheart,

i love ya, but I'm not doing that for the rest of my life, no sir,

everyone knows not to marry into that, and its kinda common sense not to date someone with your type of addiction and just walk away, like we all know its never gonna work if youre constantly making your partner feel like shit because youre always lusting of the things you so desperately want, and yeah you may say that 'your're better, real, youre my love theyre just pictures, theyre just videos, ect) but we all know you wish it was them you could have when your gazing longingly and thirstly at those pictures, you create relationships with all these women, i just happen to be in person version added to the collection, its nasty, and its horrible knowing this will likely never change, cause its 'not that bad' its 'a comfort thing' 'i was alone for so long' and i have to live feeling like im always competing with them, i cant escape them, im so fucking tired of being paranoid that the person i love is going to always be looking at something more appealing, its awful, that constant pit in your stomach everytime hes lookin at a female character a little too closely, or when the girls are everywhere for him, camera roll, most social media, even his wallpapers on all devices, sure theres a photo of you two, sure as a homescreen but its really just a sunset photo and we're hidden in a low corner hidden by apps, and the never paying that close attention to you, you learn as much as you can about him listen to every word he says but doesnt care to know about you, with the exception of major plot points he knows nothing about what you like and why you like it, its either you rarely get a chance to speak, or youre perpetually cut off, or just simply ignored when speaking about yourself, but, he knows everything they say, knows every little detail, their backstories are phenominal and look how hot they are, he wont really say that to you anymore youve shown you dislike, but you know, you always know, so you try your best to be pretty and good enough to be wanted like he wants them, but you never get wanted like that, to be fair you never did, this was the first time someone is showing they love you and want you, but of course if i wasnt wantable before him what makes me wantable now? yknow all his needs are met by them and his ablilty to do so much with them that he feels no need to pay any mind to you beyond the physical and guidance, yeah he loves you, you know that hes shown that, but is it worth the mental and emotional exhaustion it takes to fight for a normal relationship? one where we both feel happy? i know theres no way he isnt miserable too, the contant bickering the anxiety of fucking up, but c'mon man, if you cope properly, like by speaking (without lashing out) to someone when things are too much, not falling further into an obsessive chemical pick-me-up addiction and honestly this sex obsession, youd do so much better, but you wont because its one of them hidden addictions that no one but your friends and people youre close to know about, by your choice, and you think that means its totally fine, because I'll stick around regardless right? cause i have this long and im making life plans with you and i love you more than youll ever know and as long as i dont see it' or notice it its fine, it wont kill me, youll keep going until im about to cut my losses and you promise and youll try you really will, but itll creep back and we'll be back at square one, or youll get better at hiding it from me, youre already pretty good at it now, ill bet money that if i got 3 hours and all your passwords id find cia sized files everywhere and id puke and cry myself to sleep for months, and i know youll only get better at it, and i dont want to be paranoid that your girls are still around my whole life, what kind of example am i setting for my daughters if i just let myself live like that, god id kill my son-in-law if he made her feel like that, honestly id kill him for most of the things youve done, so why am i letting it happen to me???

[dewprisms]

Thinking about the past and year n stuff before i go to bed (i never cared for staying up)

gonna put this under a readmore bc it came out more negative than i was expecting...

thinking back to the past year, we got the kittens fixed, i got more hours at work, got to see some siblings again, got to see my other nephew again, got rly lucky with pulls in Po Ma E X throughout the year...

idk what else was good though. didnt do any drawing practice, didnt work on my fic, didnt finish work on the character doc, started on the ruesid ref but didnt finish, stuff in the house keeps breaking, havent seen a doctor yet (its been like a decade), havent seen a therapist yet, the only new game i played was totk and pkmn sleep even tho i bought some more, actually barely played much games at all this year, failed to practice good hygiene habits, failed to lose weight, i actually gained even more than when i lost it 3 years ago and i still didnt get skinny at all back then, and actually i think my health has gotten worse because im even MORE tired than before all the time and my feet hurt a lot too, wasted money on a gym membership cause after august i stopped having the energy after work to go, and with it being cold out with no car idk how ill do it in the slow months (aka jan and feb), failed to talk to ppl more, failed to do anything good with the group chat because my memory is so shit that i just forget, my acne seems to have gotten worse, i keep falling behind bad at work (and it doesnt help that we cant keep ppl for more than a week but thats the company's fault but it still falls on the rest of us to pick up the slack), keep feeling like a burden at work and unintentionally getting on ppls nerves, plus the state of the world has also gotten more shit, and it doesnt look like itll be improving any time soon...

idk it just hasnt been that good and idk what to look forward to anymore. not even xbgr in k h 4. im so fucking lonely and i feel both my physical health and mental health deteriorating and theres nothing i can really do except watch it happen from behind these eyes that constantly question if reality is really real or not. ive been wanting to cry for the past like 5 months and i dont know what the fuck to do anymore, i dont have the energy for shit

🎉🎉wooooo!! 🎉🎉🥳🥳🎈

[autumntri]

personal blog, 12/20/2022

well friends, today i have purged my current media library and i am now restarting it with high quality rips. (!)

for my personal media library, im orienting it towards higher quality media. FLACs instead of MP3 files for music, MKV instead of MP4 files for media, generally because these formats are more lossless and in a way, its kind of an investment in the future. i dont really have the best tech currently because of certain life circumstances but Soon, yk?

for those of us that like going the legal route, ripping blu rays with a blu ray rewritable drive and makeMKV make it very simple to reproduce your library. right now, im currently making rips from discs that i find at the library and torrenting when i eventually get a p2p VPN service, collecting my torrents and creating a "download query." this paragraph is a joke btw.

of course, what they dont tell you when you start doing this is just the monetary investment that will eventually be required at some point down the line and this includes paying for software, ironically i dont actually want to get cracks for software that im using to create blu-ray rips but as far as i can tell, i cant figure a way to do that for free. with blu-rays atleast.

if there are any cool FOSS people reading, please lmk how you figured out how to break BD+ copy protection. this is what im currently stumped on.

this is just the beginning. ive got around 4tb (not pictured) to fill with all sorts of media for offline consumption, so far most of my media is in video games that i can play on emulators, of which i have 709gb currently dedicated to, with 688gb left to go. roughly 5000+ games, most of these being classic game ROMs but a few hundred consist of 'modern' titles as well.

i just generally dont like how "web-based" everything has become. i dont feel like any of my media is secure in the cloud, especially if i have to pay for access to it. we're seeing in real time what is happening to people that either sold their physical media for quick money or never felt the need to build up a collection at all, how now that streaming services are becoming exorbitant, they have very little they can actually consume now. this isn't to say consumption is everything but also, i feel salty about it too. these people hoped for something long lasting and cheap, meanwhile for myself when i finally got a job at 16 and was able to actually afford streaming services, i slowly started seeing all of them go to shit and not even be worth the price of admission.

its demoralizing when you consider that in order to engage in conversation with anyone these days, you have to watch the TV shows they watch and if you cant watch them for whatever reason, theres no reason people want to talk to you. people socialize around media and i think its because of that, piracy is absolutely justified.

because what else are you supposed to do to form human relationships anymore? in america atleast, we live in a culture of hyper consumption and if youre not in it, youre not part of the culture. i think the paradigm sucks currently.

i was also priced out of building a DVD/blu-ray collection for years, streaming services *were* the cheap alternative, but now that this is also gone, i cant help but resort to piracy or other means of keeping and holding on to media for a long period of time.

in my next blog, i will hopefully talk about an ubuntu+plex server setup i am currently figuring out. that blog won't be up until ive had it running on bare metal for a while

[hopeididntscareyou]

I am getting lots of instagrammable surprises from Eric that my friends would be so jealous about, customized bouquet of real roses, handwritten letters, money, teddy bears, food and chocolates. He spends money on me its literally what my friends wish their boyfriends would give them but they never experience that. i just dont post anything or talked about them to my friends because

1 . i know it will make them feel bad

2. I'm not too excited about them to share my happiness or whatever cause honestly im not really into these girly stuff. This is always my issue whenever people decides to give me gifts. They would rather get something they want for me instead of getting something i actually want and i really dont get this logic but whatever right? This literally happens every single time it doesnt matter who. If i fantacize of someone giving me a gift, i would love to receive a gunpla, rubiks or any kind of puzzle, or some book related to math/physics. I love to use my hands and my brain enough said. If you want to give me something it has to be something that will let me build stuff or solve something and i will be the happiest in the world. But yet people would rather want me to make me their barbie doll giving me all these lolita shit or whatever teenage ideas they see on facebook that i dont really like. But again i have no rights to complain because they dont owe me anything in the first place and i should just be grateful that theyre giving me stuff, its the thought the counts ig

3. I just so drained i dont even have time for him. Seriously i wish another me could take care of all my homeworks and studying and another me could stress out on all my itinerary so i could peacefully go to work and have time to live a normal life. I honestly dont know why i feel like everybody else around me seem to have it easier. I know thst they dont actually have it easier but damn how could they handle a hectic life without getting stressed because i dont know how to do that. I called in today because of my migraine and this is the second time im absent at work (first one was no call no show) which means i already have 6 points but you know what i dont care. I just really cant do things right now i can only do so much. My time is very limited. I need atleast 50 hrs for the whole day, 24 is just not enough. Anyway cant write that much anymore cause my migraine is killing me

[samanthadalton]

Star Crossed Lovers (part 14)

Do my eyes deceive me???? part 14???? we did it. im so sorry its taken forever, i will try my best to be more consistent with my writing. love yall for being patient with me it means the most. thank you, thank you. 

warnings: throughout this fic there will be mentions of substance abuse, homophobia, sexual abuse, violence, NSFW, mentions of abandonment, depression and death including suicide

reader discretion is advised

warnings: angst, swearing (lots of it) 

taglist: @drmmyrs @cloud9in @somewillwin @save-me-the-last-dance @baexpoppy @stanzoeywade @ognenniyvolk @thepotatobleh @crazzyplays @fall3ngods @helpconfusedpersonhere @clowneryme @dopeyouth @boys-girls-i-cant-help-it-baby @vonda-b-real @uselesslesbianfr @veenast @cloakanddaggerthings @somethindarker (sorry again if ive missed anyone, if you wanna be added on this taglist or my general one just let me know 😊) 

word count: 4k (i feel like its short considering how long it took me to write but i still hope you guys enjoy) (also i didnt check for grammatical errors properly so sorry if you find any) 

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13

The first steps to moving on 

“Bea please,” Poppy whispers, a repentant look creeping up to her face as she looks away from her girlfriend. “It can’t wait.” 

Bea sighs, her shoulders slumping as the last remains of her anger disseminates from her body. “Okay fine, lead the way babe.” 

Poppy stiffens that the pet name but she doesn’t let her awkwardness slip as she leads Bea to a secluded classroom, far away from prying eyes. Both her and Bea turn to look at each other, and both simultaneously open their mouths to talk. 

“I know you wanted to tell-” 

“We need to talk-” 

Both clamp their lips shut, a mutual smile playing on their lips as they look at one another. 

“You go first,” Poppy gestures towards Bea, as she moves to sit on the edge of a desk. 

Bea inhales softly, her tongue darts out licking her lips as she looks down at the ground, her face calculating. “Why does Chloe hate me?” She looks up to Poppy, her eyes boring into the strawberry blonde’s, sadness swimming inside of them, “I just don’t get what I’ve done for her to hate me.” 

Poppy sighs heavily, her eyes awkwardly darting away from Bea’s. “It’s complicated Bea.” 

“Complicated?” Bea lets out a humourless laugh, “I almost just went off on Chloe after she gave her condolences for my mom dying because I just felt she wasn’t genuine and you wanna tell me it's complicated?” 

Poppy sharply inhales, contemplating for a few moments before saying, “it’s because of your mom.” 

Bea scrunches her brows up in confusion, “my mom? What the hell does she have to do with this?” 

Poppy ineptly plays with her hands, not being able to look Bea in her eyes, “at first it was just a classist thing. When you first came to Belvoire, she just wanted to make herself feel superior over you, but in the last year you’ve noticed her getting more mean right?” 

“Right.” Bea stares at Poppy, her expression emotionless. 

“Chloe’s parents have been fighting non stop recently, and it’s been affecting her a lot.” 

Bea’s brows furrow in confusion, “what does that have to do with me or my mom?” 

“Just let me explain first before you react, please.” Bea’s eyes bore into Poppy’s for a few seconds before she nods understandingly. “Her dad cheated on her mom. A lot of times actually. But he was blackmailed by one of the women he slept with.” Poppy pauses for a few seconds, “your mom.” 

Bea lets out a shaky breath, her eyes blinking in disbelief, “no, you’re lying.” 

Poppy nervously bites her bottom lip, “look Bea-” 

“How long have you known?”

Poppy’s face scrunches up in anger, “this isn’t my fault Bea. I only found out that day I went to talk to Chloe about us. Chloe made me promise not to say anything to you-” 

“Poppy! My mom OD and I don’t even know why. And now you’re telling me she was blackmailing the St James family and it doesn’t occur to you that might have had something to do with her death?” 

“They’re not the fucking mafia Bea, jesus. They were trying to settle it quietly by giving your mom some money and make her sign some stuff so she couldn't threaten them anymore.” 

The devastating ramification of Poppy’s admission hangs in the air as the two girls let the words settle into them. “Chloe really is sorry about your mom Bea, we all are.” 

Bea sighs, staring off into space, as a few tears begin to fill up in her eyes. “I just don’t know what to do.” Bea begins sniffling, but Poppy makes no movement to console her girlfriend. Bea notices and her expression sobers, “so, uh what did you wanna tell me?” Bea sniffs a few more times, before looking up at Poppy, giving her a small encouraging smile. 

Poppy looks away, guilt creeping up on her face, as she tries her damndest not to catch Bea’s small smile on her face. “Bea…”. Bea carefully assesses her girlfriend’s demeanour, noticing the similar body language during when they first asked to take a break, she thinks back to the last couple of days, she had barely heard from her girlfriend, and now she’s not affectionate, even after she almost had a mental breakdown in the middle of the hallway and her smile drops. “We have to break up,” Poppy says, her tone so monotone and dry as if she didn’t mean the words she was saying at all. 

“I don’t understand,” is all Bea can muster, evidently hurt by Poppy’s admission. Poppy winces slightly at Bea’s tone, finally breaking her robotic demeanour as she lets out a few sniffles. “So is that it? We have to break up,” Bea retorts mockingly, “is that all I get after all these years?” 

“Bea..” Poppy reaches out but Bea immediately takes a step back, tears flooding in her eyes. 

“No,” she holds her hands up, “I don’t get it, things are going good, or at least whatever twisted definition of good we’ve made up. Where the hell did this come from?” 

“Bea my dad-” 

“Of course! Hayden Min fucking Sinclair had something to do with this. Why do you still live under his shadow? You talk all this shit about breaking out of your father’s prison and wanting to achieve your own goals but he sucks you back in.” 

“That’s not fair Bea,” Poppy interjects, balling her hands up into fists in an attempt to subdue her trembling, “my dad has given me so much and he’s threatening to take it all away.” 

“Yeah, all you have to do is get rid of me. Me or the Min Sinclair name.” 

“Bea this is the life I have, okay I’m not like you, I’m not built like you.” 

“So what? I can grow up without a dad and now without a mom but it’s okay because I’m used to pain and disappointment?” 

“I didn’t mean it like that, you have a plan, things you can achieve, I need the Min Sinclair name, I’m nothing without it.” 

“Wow.” Bea shakes her head, “So I just meant nothing?” Bea wildy throws her arms in the air, anger bubbling under the surface of her demeanour. “We’ve practically been together since we were kids. And you’re just gonna fucking throw that away? And for what? Fuck you Poppy.” 

Poppy takes half a step back, dumbfounded by Bea’s outburst. She scrunches her brows, evidently hurt, “you don’t get it Bea. Even though your mom wasn’t the best, she still supported you, even if you didn’t know about it. My dad he- my mom what would she think?” 

“Your mom? Poppy what kind of shit is your dad brainwashing you with? Your mom is dead! You have no idea how she would react to having a gay daughter, but I know she’s probably disappointed in you.” 

“Fuck you Bea.”Poppy runs out of the classroom, tears streaming down her face, leaving Bea on her own. 

“Shit,” Bea whispers to herself before throwing a bunch of punches at the wall, each more cathartic than the last until she can’t physically hold herself up anymore. Bea defeatedly slides into a chair, cradling her head in between her hands, letting the tears free fall, as reality begins setting in that she lost the one thing in the world that was her everything. Poppy Min Sinclair was her rock, the girl who she gave her heart to, the love of her life and just in a matter of moments it was over. Maybe it was too good to be true. The beautiful, perky popular rich girl and the girl who had almost nothing, complete polar opposites, it never should’ve worked. But time and time again when faced against the world they persevered so why was this time different? Poppy had chosen her namesake over the love of her life. She chose the life of glitz and glamour over the girl who gave her her entire heart. Bea feels her entire world crashing down, how much more heartbreak could she take? Was her life always going to be so hard? So full of hurt? Full of pain? She winces at the thought, her head hammering as she comes to the realisation that she understood her mother’s pain more than she thought. 

…. 

Bea hops off her bike, parking it in front of her house, as she pulls her phone out to look at the time. ‘It’s lunch time,’ she thinks to herself. After the day she had today, school wasn’t the best option for her right now. She makes her way to her front door but stops in her tracks when she realises her front door is slightly ajar. Her survival instincts kick in as she effortlessly pulls out her pocket knife, carefully pushing the door fully open. As she steps into the living room, her eyes dart to the closed door of her mother’s room, but when she hears a creaking sound coming towards her bedroom, she cautiously moves towards the source of the noise, the grip on her knife tightening. As she creeps up, she sees the door of her room half opened, a hooded figure standing by her bed with their back facing her. 

Bea stealthily sneaks up to the figure placing the knife a few inches from their throat before lowering her voice to a threatening tone, “who are you and what the fuck are you doing?” The figure gasps, dropping a bag that’s in their hands with a deafening thud before raising their hands in a sign of surrender. 

“It’s me, it’s me,” the voice whimpers out. 

“AJ?” Bea raises her eyebrows, retracting the knife from his throat while pulling down his hood with her other hand. “What the fuck are you doing?” Bea takes a step back while AJ scrambles grabbing the bag he just dropped moments before. When he turns to face Bea, his eyes are wide, filled with fear as he clutches the bag closely to his chest. 

“I have to go,” he says as he attempts to run out of the room, but Bea pulls him back, her face crumpled in suspicion. 

“No we’re not doing this, give me the bag now,” Bea snatches the bag out of his hands before he can protest and opens the zipper to find it filled with cash. She grits her teeth, anger settling into her features as she whips her head up to AJ, “is this my fucking money?” 

“Bea, I- I can explain-” 

“What the fuck AJ!” Bea throws the bag onto the bed, the cash spilling out as she jabs an accusing finger at AJ’s chest. “You’re stealing from me now? I haven’t seen you in god knows how long, you don’t call, text nothing. Even after everything that’s been happening in the last few weeks but you have the audacity to fucking steal from me? Money that I’ve spent years saving? Money that I’ve bussed my fucking ass off for, are you serious right now?” Bea’s voice is filled with rage as she’s practically screaming, her voice now thundering. AJ winces, guiltily averting his gaze to the ground, unable to meet Bea’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry about your mom Bea, I wanted to visit-” AJ croaks out.

“But you didn’t,” Bea interjects, her voice lowered but filled with hurt. “And now you’re taking money- I mean what is so important you had to steal from me.” 

AJ paces towards the bed, hanging his head in shame, when he speaks his voice is quiet, full of fear, “I’m in some bad shit Bea. These guys aren’t playing around.” 

“I told you not to fall into the wrong crowd, I warned you this shit would happen.” 

“Bea please, I’ll pay you back I just need it.” 

“No! What the fuck, when will you pay me back huh? This is my college money, I’m not letting you give that away to your crackhead friends.” 

“Bea please,” AJ clasps his hands together, his tone pleading, “I don’t know what to do.” 

“AJ I have too much shit on my plate right now, I can’t deal with this. You need to find something else, I can’t help you.” 

AJ’s face pales but he stands up, and makes his way towards the door, before leaving he turns to look back at Bea, “I’m sorry about everything.” 

Bea keeps her eyes trained on her bed where the money is sprawled all over the mattress, “yeah me too,” she replies quietly. Bea hears the front door close and she collapses to the ground, letting the tears flow. 

……

A few days later, Bea sits in her dark living room, curtains shut and lights completely off as she wallows in her sadness, drinking from a bottle of cheap beer, as she stares absentmindedly at the ceiling, so drowned in her thoughts she doesn’t hear the resounding knocks on her door until she hears a voice call out, “Bea! Are you there?” 

Bea crumples her brows, forcing herself to stand as she makes her way to the door, she wearily makes her way to her front door only slightly opening the door before poking her head out. “Veronica?” Veronica gives the girl a wide smile before pushing the door more open, ushering the figure behind her into the house too, “Carter? What are you guys doing here?’ 

Veronica looks around the dark room, noticing the pile of empty beer bottles on the floor, “yikes, drinking on your own on a friday night Hughes? That’s really sad.” Carter stands near the edge of the living room, as if he’s an explorer, his eyes darting all over the living room as he assesses this new environment. 

Bea on the other hand scowls at Veronica, “what the hell do you want Veronica, I’m not in the mood.” 

Veronica frowns slightly, pouting her lips together, “we heard about you and Poppy.” 

Bea rolls her eyes, “yeah well I’m trying to forget about her.” Bea picks up her beer bottle from the ground and makes a show by exaggeratingly drinking from the bottle until it's empty. She discards the empty bottle along with the other ones before turning to look at Veronica and Carter, “so if you’ll excuse me.” 

Veronica steps towards Bea, wrapping her hand around the brunette’s arm, “we’re not here for Poppy stupid, we’re here for you.” 

Bea raises an eyebrow, “for me?” 

Veronica turns to look at Carter, beckoning him forward, Carter breaks out of reverie and clears his throat, “yeah uh, we wanted to take you to a party.” 

“A party?” Bea looks between them confused, “I’m not that interested guys.”

“Wait, wait, wait Bea,” Veronica pleads, pulling Bea closer to her, “you’ve never been to a Belvoire party and the year is almost over, we thought we should take you to at least.” 

“I don’t know guys,” Bea says skeptically, “a lot of people don’t like me.” 

“Who gives a shit? You just had your heart broken and you need to let loose.” 

Bea sighs, pulling away from Veronica, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

“Come on, it beats drinking in the dark on your own.” 

Bea sighs, dropping her shoulders, “what about uh Poppy?” 

“Poppy?” Veronica arches a brow, “her and Chloe are staying in tonight, she said she needed to catch up on homework or something.” 

Bea purses her lips together in thought before sighing,  “fine.” Veronica cheers, “but,” Bea over enunciates, “only for a few hours and if I don’t like it I’m going home.” 

“Okay, deal,” Veronica squeals, wrapping Bea in a big hug. Carter chuckles as Veronica gestures for him to join the hug, he awkwardly wraps his arms around the two girls, before pulling away. 

“Okay, I’ll wait in the car while you girls get ready. Just uh don’t take too long.”

Veronica playfully rolls her eyes as she Bea towards her bedroom, yelling back “thanks Carter.” Giddy, she rushes to Bea’s closest, assessing her clothes until she finds a short red dress hidden in the back. “This!” 

“No, no, no,” Bea shakes her head, pulling the dress out of the ombre-haired girl’s hands. 

“Why not? It would look so hot on you,” Veronica’s eyes trail down Bea’s body, as she sharply inhales. “Bea, you’re single and sexy, stop holding yourself back okay?” 

“I’m not,” Bea pushes back defensively, “I just-” she sighs heavily, “no one at Belvoire has ever seen me dressed up, I’m just- I’m nervous I guess.” 

“Then we have to show them what they’ve been missing for the last three years,” Veronica gives Bea a devilish smile as she takes the dress from Bea’s hands, sliding the dress off the hanger before handing it over to Bea. 

“Uh you gonna stay in the room?” Bea nervously wrings her hands together. 

“Why, are you offering a show?” Veronica lifts a teasing brow, noticing Bea’s cheeks redden slightly, which prompts her to let out a small laugh, “I’m kidding, don’t worry I won’t look.” Veronica makes a show of raising her hands to cover her eyes. Bea laughs as she slips out of her clothes and into the dress, she awkwardly clears her throat, grabbing Veronica’s attention. 

“Hey, uh help a girl out with her zipper?” 

“Sure,” Veronica moves to stand behind Bea, her hands ghosting around Bea’s exposed back, her breath momentarily taken away. She sturdies herself and places one of her hands on the small of the brunette’s back while the other moves towards the zipper, zipping the girl up. Bea smooths the dress down with her hands appreciating herself in the mirror, “you look gorgeous,” Veronica whispers into the shell of her ear. 

Bea’s face completely flushes red and slightly jerks at Veronica’s admission, “uhh thanks.” 

Veronica notices the awkward shift in the atmosphere, and promptly changes the subject, “so where’s your sister?” 

Bea sits in front of her mirror, a comb in her hand as she brushes her long locks, “she’s staying at a friend’s tonight.” 

“Cool,” Veronica answers back but her tone falls flat. The girls bask in the awkward silence as Bea continues to get ready but when Veronica notices Bea struggling to do her winged eyeliner she breaks the silence. “Hey do you need help?” 

Bea smiles bashfully, “yeah.” She rubs the back of her head with her hand, “sorry Poppy used to help me with my makeup.” 

“Right,” Veronica’s face slightly falls but she quickly covers it up, ushering Bea to come and sit on the bed. “Come on, I don’t bite,” Veronica bites the bottom of her lip, “unless you want me too.” Bea laughs but obliges sitting on the edge of the bed. Veronica clambers onto her lap, her thighs settling on the sides of Bea’s legs, and in response, Bea’s eyes widen in surprise but she remains glued in her spot, too shocked to move. 

“V, what are you doing?” Bea whispers, her voice attempting to come across as reprimanding but it comes out as breathy. 

“Relax, I’m just doing your eyeliner.” Veronica plucks the wand from Bea’s hand and angles herself close to the brunette’s face, as she begins drawing on the wings on Bea’s eyelids. Bea steadies herself, as she feels the heat of Veronica’s body so close to hers and when Veronica is finished with putting the finishing touches on her eyelids, she hops off Bea’s lap, making her way towards the desk, scuffling through Bea’s makeup bag before taking up her place on Bea’s lap once again. “Now I think this colour would look good on you,” 

“You don’t think it’s too much red?” 

“Oh babe, red means power, dominance, you don’t wanna be thinking about Poppy the entire night, you wanna have all eyes on you Bea Hughes.” Veronica uncaps the lipstick, her eyes burning into Bea’s lips as she carefully applies the red colour to her lips. “Perfect.” 

Bea smacks her lips together, evenly spreading the red on her lips. “Thanks V.” 

Veronica’s eyes dart to Bea’s lips, her tongue slightly running along her bottom lips before she breaks out of her reverie flashing Bea a smirk, “don’t thank me yet, thank me when you’re having the time of your life at the party.” Veronica slides off Bea’s lap, holding her hand out, “come on let’s finish up because Carter’s been waiting for a while.” Bea smiles up at Veronica, taking her hand as she lets the ombre-haired girl pull her off the bed, as they continue getting ready. 

………

Once they arrive at the party, Carter drops the girls off at the front of the huge house before telling them he will park the car. Veronica’s gaze darts to Bea, who’s nervously toying with her hands, looking up at the intimidating house, the lights blaring and as the music echoes throughout, the bass thumping in their ears. Noticing the nerves settling into her, Veronica slips into Bea's, giving her a reassuring squeeze, “hey, it’s okay, it’s just a bunch of drunk, preppy uptight teenagers, nothing you don't usually face everyday.” 

Bea lets out a small laugh, “just in a big ass house,” she jests. 

“Yeah, just in a big ass house,” she gives Bea a light squeeze as she starts pulling Bea into the house with her. Automatically, they’re met with stares and whispers, as the students look astonished at Bea, some appraising her outfit, while others are confused about her presence. “Hey, just stay with me okay?” Veronica whispers over to Bea. Bea nods, her eyes roaming the room. “I’ll get us drinks.” The ombre-haired girl gives Bea a reassuring pat on her arm and leaves her side and Bea walks into the living room, observing the difference between the vibes of the party between the north and the south. Her thoughts then move to think about Poppy, how Poppy would love going to parties in the north but Bea couldn’t find the appeal in it. Poppy. Poppy, who broke up with her. She’s interrupted from her thoughts by a tap of her shoulder, and Bea turns around to see Veronica offering her a red solo cup, Bea takes a sip and winces. 

“What the hell is this crap?” 

“Yeah for a bunch of rich kids, their taste in beer isn’t the best,” Veronica jokes, slightly nudging Bea. 

“We have way better beer in the south side.” 

“That I can agree with.” Veronica looks over to Bea who looks lost in thought, “hey what are you thinking about?” 

Bea sighs heavily, “Poppy,” she mutters. 

Veronica nods once, “right, yeah.” 

“Poppy would’ve loved a party like this, big fancy house an-” 

“Bea,” Veronica says, her tone slightly agitated, “this,” she gestures around the room, “is a no Poppy zone. That means we don’t think about Poppy, only about fun.” 

Bea nods, “fun. I can do that.” Veronica lifts her cup in the air, “what are we cheering to?” 

Veronica gives Bea a smile, “here’s to the first steps in moving on.” The girls tap their cups together before downing their drinks. “Now if we wanna get drunk, we’re gonna need a lot more of these.” 

The party is still ongoing, and Bea sits in a circle with a few girls from the volleyball team and a few of the football team and other people she doesn’t recognise while Veronica sits beside her. 

“Bea you look so pretty,” one of her teammates says. 

“Yeah Bea your makeup is literally gorgeous,” another chimes in. 

“Who knew strip tease can clean up well,” Ford jests, but Bea slumps her shoulders a little, remembering that these people are not her friends. 

Carter enters the circle slapping Ford on the head as he goes, “shut up, Hughes is cool.” Bea gives Carter a nod of appreciation before looking down at the drink in her hands. Her thoughts move a million miles a minute, but there’s a constant one stuck in her brain, Poppy.

Veronica looks over at Bea, frowning. “Hey come with me.” She stands, excusing herself from the group and Bea follows her close behind. 

“Where are we going?” 

“We’re gonna play a private game of truth or drink.” 

[khrystalsnow]

ALL TIME FAVOURITE FICS

I wanted to make a list of my favourite fics (not sure if I’m missing any). There’s probably more that I would put here but they’re buried under my likes however, I may add more in the future. I hope you enjoy!

*PLEASE let me know if I did a mistake or put the wrong link!

LEGEND:

🥺Fluff

🤬Angst

😏Smut

😂Crack

FICS

Passion Fruit by @joonbird 🤬😏knj

-The very first fic that introduced me to tumblr fics (bts) which is just heaven sent. I remember reading this in awe because of the writing and the characters. Daddy namjoon showed oc a whole new world when he ate her out and I’m kind of jealous😔 I really love the plot and the character development for the oc and this was overall a good read!

Comfort Inn Ending by @joonbird  🤬😏jjk

-Another one of Amy’s work (top tier), that broke my heart into a million pieces. Honestly, I’ve read this series once, because of how good it is. Its sad, like I broke down a couple of times because of the two characters, kind of sad. That just shows you how amazing it is, that I can’t even reread it.

Hot Summer by @httphopewrld 🥺😏🤬 jjk

-I don’t know why but after I discovered this fic, I couldn’t stop thinking about this and the plot. Curtains are not really something we think about most at of the time but JK! Why couldn’t you just buy some curtains?! I mean I don’t blame the reader for peaking though. I’m really happy with the ending and how they talked it out like mature adults in the end.

Greedy by @xjoonchildx 🤬😏 myg

-A part of the Guarded Series which is just amazing! I picked Greedy because it’s currently ongoing and I really like yoongi’s perspective more than the other series. Yoongi’s a loner and people in his line of work, knows that. When he met oc, its like he finally found something that he can treasure on his own and completely different from the people around him. I just want them to be happy😭 I can’t wait for more chapters to come!

Hammer it Home by @gukslut 🥺😏🤬 knj

-I recently read this and fell in love with it really quickly! I’m pretty sure that everyone knows this fic and loves it just like me. I can’t really say anything more, except daddy joon is absolutely filthy, so read it.

Flower by @readyplayerhobi 🥺😏🤬 jhs

-God, this is such a good series. It deals with a lot of topics such as panic attack, body insecurity, anxiety, having children etc. (please look at the trigger warnings). We get to see the oc begin to date hoseok and see their relationship grow beautifully. Both of the characters are so different individually, but together, they look so beautiful:((

Boyfriend Material by @ladyartemesia 🥺😏😂 jjk

-The amount of times I’ve reread this is unreal. I want someone like jungkook in real lifee😭😭 I really love how its in bullet points to get the points across and easy to read. It also just seems so much more personal because it feels like we’re with them throughout the process of their relationship.

Of Fire and Love by @hollyhomburg 🥺😏🤬 myg

-When I first read part 1, I already fell in love with it. Dragon yoongi, namjoon and hoseok, sorcerer jin and jungkook, fairy jimin and human baby tae!!! I’ve reread this series multiple times and it just never gets old😌I love how everything connects and the smut is spicy✨

A Song Request by @n8dlesoupguk 🥺🤬 jjk

-THIS! IS! SO! CUTTTTTEE!!!! *PUNCHING THE AIR* ahhhhh the amount of time I smiled while reading this is unreal!! I love jungkook and I love this fic. I cant say anymore because of how cute it is! READ ITTTTTT!

Only For Love by @lysjeon  🥺🤬 jjk

-This has a special place in my heart because it was my first social media au. I LOVE the characters especially sarang 🥺its so well done and reread it all the time. Chae’s aus are really good 10/10 would recommend her whole entire masterlist

I Found  by @hxseok-honee 🥺🤬😂 myg

-Ahh!! binged this at 1am and I don’t regret it! It’s a hogwarts au featuring slytherin, brooding, meany, yoongi and hufflepuff reader that is friends with the whole squad. It really has everything that I love about hogwarts aus. The progression of their relationship was a whole roller coaster and at the end I was really happy for yoongi to be able to find his forever girl and be friends with crackheads. 

The Dinner Party by @lamourche 🥺🤬😏 myg

-Beautiful writing and the story is immaculate *chef’s kiss* I think about this fic once a month and reread it multiple times. I love it and hate it at the same time because I just want them together and figure their shit together, especially in the recent chapter. The circumstances and emotions are relatable that I just wanna hug both of the characters 😔

Rattled by @gukslut  🤬😏 jjk

-I’ve already recommended this before, meaning, this is really good. It follows jungkook as a single father with reader as his neighbor. Its angsty as fuck and will probably make you cry for jungkook because how much struggle he goes through with raising lovely areum by himself (respect for single parents!), but they figure it out in the end!

Seven Seas by @readyplayerhobi​ 🥺🤬😏 kth

-When I read Atlantis!Taehyung, I was sold. This fic pops up in my head once in a while and I love it every single time I read it again. OC is a smart bitch, and works hard to achieve whatever she desires. I love her relationship with taehyung sooo much, I could picture them together being oc’s parents: lovey dovey even when they’re old and supports one another😌

Intro: Her by @jamaisjoons  🥺🤬😏 knj

-God the amount of serotonin this gives me every time I read it is *chef’s kiss* maknae as namjoon’s kids is also a bonus! I really love family aus and this completely filled me with happiness. 

Chasing Butterflies by @ddaenggtan​ 😏🥺😂 jjk

-Pretty sure everyone already knows and loves this fic but I just had to put this here. It’s literally perfect! Oc pining for weeb jungkook is everyone because he’s cute as hell😔 the SECONDHAND EMBASSAMENT I felt when she confessed is too much😂😭 Please read it if you haven’t because IT’S SO GOOD

A Home Found In You by @lovmail​  🥺(wholesome) jjk

-Another single dad jungkook because I love it😔 This fic introduced me to rochelle’s account and binged all of her other fics (which are also great). This also pops up in my head at random times and I always give in to the urge of rereading it because its so good!

For Love and Money by @jimlingss​ 🥺🤬😏 ksj

-This shit was a whole roller coaster alright but I loved it! it’s a forced arranged marriage and when reading the first chapter, you will want to read more. I love both of the characters soo much and the progression is immaculate, so glad they got their shit together in the end😌

Brass and Strings @jimlingss​  🥺🤬😂 knj

-This was also another roller coaster of feelings and angst. It’s a little long but the pacing is really good. I LOVE the main characters so much!!! oc’s a badass, despite what she’s been through and I strive to be like her ngl😔 This made me cry on multiple occasions, just read this you won’t regret it.

Inside My Mind by @jimlingss​ 🥺😏 knj

-The amount of times I think about this on a monthly BASIS. It’s half fluff and smut which is the perfect combination for me😌 I love the concept of mind reading, but when people can hear nsfw thoughts though😳 honestly read it if you haven’t, IT’S SO GOOD 

The Deli Diaries by @jimlingss 🥺 pjm

-This shit was the CUTEST shit ever!! both characters are so cute (I’ve said that word so many times😭) and their interactions during work is so cute😭 At this point just read Kina’s whole masterlist

The Alpha by @ladyartemesia​ 🤬😏 pjm

SO GOOD, immaculate, well written, the plot 10/10. This fic is amazing!! I get so excited whenever I see that it’s updated. The world is so fascinating and detailed that you wanna learn more about it. The plot is so thrilling and the action parts got me so hooked! I can’t wait for more part to come!

A Court of Curses  by @readyplayerhobi​ 🥺🤬😏 jhs

UGGHHHH one of my favourite hobi fics ever!!! of course it’s a vampire and witch au. I love the main characters so much OK😭 they just wanna love each other and it physically hurt me when they were also hurting😭😭😭 but the ending is so satisfying, so I’m happy!

[saintjunya]

U are, as beautiful as beauty can get. If someone doesnt value u., they dont truly know what it is they need in life. That does not mean they will want you though. Human condition is fickle n feral but w kings labeled as commoners. they can hate u within their want but need u in their love. Because if nobody does the little jobs, we’ll all live in a slothful idiotic stupor of filth and deterioration of decency of nature

Climate is important and so is nature as a whole outside of the abstract. Animal insect ad human nature aside, i mean. But the physical things around us that’s dying slowly and we just merrily go on n parade around eating better n getting our shit together n staging away from broke people n staging ourselves to look n feel happy. But why aren’t we happy without superficiality?

Beauty is a currency

Money inflated

Manipulation is a skillset useful in society

Deciet can get u the best jobs

This life of strife and pain and not feeling in place is because of the past. Slavery, blacks being seen as inferior, labeled dysfunctional, seen as great workers but poor people

What is a people then? And why are two people different from each other based on what they wear, what they eat, where they stay, what they’ve done, and who’s their parents? Even if you take out what they’ve done, thats enough to dictate a whole person’s existence

Even within this crazy society we all call a game n try to beat someone to the pleasures of life or beat them for the pleasures of life before or after, there is true peace. And it costs nothing. And no, it’s not death. Its pure love

But “love is not something u seek. its something u give”

Give more love. Everyday. To the bug u see walking that was almost stepped on. The animals in the dairy farming industry. The people who are homeless. Children. Women. Widows. Orphans. its always assumed men will be taken care of but even men. I want to have a soft side and not be labeled sweet. Or gay. Or have repercussions for being a nice person and giving love.

Its almost as if you get punished for giving love unless its being manipulated these days. But thats gonna change. Idc if i win or lose at life. Because ive already won. Im alive still. My family cares for me. And i for them. Many people care for me. Ive lived a full life up to now. And suicide isn’t an option im willing to pursue anymore. To me, im the best ive ever been. And it’ll only get better.

I used to want to die. To just not exist. Because of the pain, the deception, the lies, the fakeness and then being put on the laughing stock to die at the sound of others laughter and ridicule. But now, i dont want to. I want to escape the pain like ive always have n always will. But ill never pain someone else to escape my own. Too many people will. Sad to say. But i dont wanna die. Im tired of the way im treated a lot, yeah. The slurs, the disrespect, the slick ways people get into my head n blame me for something ive dealt with since childhood, being an innocent child and receiving the same thing, but now being an adult and being deemed “punishable” just because of my age and body differences. Im really tired of being used for whatever i can give n if i dont give my all, or work half heartedly like others can n they fly by easy, then im cut cuz im the charity case. Im tired of a lot.

But i’ll never stop loving. I could talk this to someone but who will i talk to that will be real with me? That wont change up or be like “dadada blah blah blah” and will be invested in me as a person and wont lie to me to keep their appearance, facade, paradigm in order, or their life in their own control. But someone who’s willing to face whatever it is life has to throw at them, and turn back w love. I dont want hand me down/charity love anymore. I cant deal w it. The “mane here” energy- i dont want it anymore. Keep it. I dont wanna be assumed as this person that im not. That lets u be in power or more comfortable at my expense. I cant fulfill that role anymore. Im too outgrown of being that person. That time u take to resort to being shady n beat around the bush n hide n do this n pretend to be that n then downtalk those who dont, is not welcome around me anymore. Honest people shouldnt be bullied into being dishonest, and someone shouldnt have to give up their rights/beliefs to accustom themselves to your culture. Thats not culture thats govt.

Whoever u think i am, im not. Im trying to enjoy my life just like u. And i shouldn’t have to be put second because of who i am, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, etc n so forth. I deserve good things and so do u. We both deserve luxury and the easy access to what we need. But to have it, we both have to care. Or there will always be the helpless AND needy. It’s different to be helpless and helped. There will always be people who abuse animals because they were abused. Always be those people who u gotta watch out for. It’ll never be remedied if the bottom and top n all in between is fighting to climb a ladder, or to even touch it. We’ve gotta change for the better n stop coming together only to get change for 1 thing (or for a fun time) n then putting other major things off as not important. By 2050 the nature we see will be in peril by climate change. If WE do not change.

People who use the excuse that life isn’t fair to justify their disrespectful ways, It’ll never stop! U cant be selfish and love at the same time. Selfishness is concern for self. Love is concern for someones wellbeing over self. U cant seek love and obtain it. You give it and start the chain reaction.

There is no proper way to end this because the perils of life wont end at the close of wordage. Or rather, these words can’t heal what’s still broken and people refuse to fix because of their fear, or selfishness, or the act and the face they put on. The last word uttered in this world will stick w us from the beginning of time. Stuck in time but immortalized by existence of space. But I pray that one day we’ll continue to leave the ladder and lift each other up by means we dont understand. As if defying gravity as a people. Something incomprehensible like a 5-d object. It exists, but not in our minds cuz we cant materialize it. That’s love. And i thank God for love n perfection of love. Creator understands and so do we as created in The¡r image. We gotta stop forgetting or putting aside love. If theres any word imma say, its gonna be love. Less fuck shit bitch nigga whore hoe etc. but love. Idc if im called weird, ostracized n marginalized, love is the only way to fixed what hate has broken.

¡ love you. And thNk u for living ❤️‍🩹°

[astrology-with-charu]

20 Jan 3:38pm ET Mars Conjunct Uranus 6º44’

Aquarius Season Begins ! Focus of Feb 2021 by sign :

So we have talked about it, warned about it, fret a little about it and at the same time felt a little excited about it. Mars Conjunct Uranus is here. As its not just a day long transit we have felt this about a week or so coming in and would continue to feel for a week on the way out though it wouldn’t ever be fully out. Fixed aspects are such they are never out of our system.

They create long term shifts in fixed corners of our psyche.

This is the most interesting aspect and to some its scary & erratic as well as it acts out of character or norm and its unpredictable. I have this aspect in my natal chart in a square and I can tell you people who deal with me have that kind of varied response too. Some find my actions interesting, some erratic, some strong willed and some think I am downright nuts - mission accomplished, keep them guessing 😉 When Mount Etna slowly but surely exploded its lava out after seething for a while it reminded me of this aspect. Whatever is hemmed in surely explodes - thats one thing thats certain of this aspect - Need for Freedom.

We take what we want from each aspect and each person so I am going to try and see if we can draw the best of this aspect. It happens every year & in Taurus it helps over seven years release fixity in comfort zone corners of our life in food, in money, in assets, in economy, in voice, in talents. The special and unique thing about it this year and about 2021 as a whole is that this aspect are / will aspect the 5 planets in Aquarius over Jan and Feb - nothing real or noticeable happens without a square - I mean what’s the point if it wont be in your face 😉. You cant ignore a square, its not easy but it makes sure you notice it and do something about it cause otherwise it just hurts too much to live with it. It actives us to make the shift.

So if you feel the pain in places you used to draw comfort from, know its your body and psyche giving you hints like boulders to make that shift.

I noted where and what this aspect is happening in my 2021 note as thats something where every fabric of your being would look for more freedom and shift in. How will it play out though, where would it manifest is another story cause those 5 planets in Aquarius in this season will help you put the sand in the sandpit for you to play in and display your need for freedom, brilliance and change. Mercury will also be going retrograde in Aquarius (30 Jan-20Feb) so you will have some rethink, rework before you put the first layer in - this process will go on this year as Saturn and Jupiter go back and forth over it helping you create source of your next 20 years of growth using this first layer of sand you are putting in Aquarius season.

Videos by sign done before :

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLv3tUTLu8-MT2IvHWqfAHwrOXVpEPjfxw

Across signs Mars Uranus is a volatile energy so physically you would want to be careful with devices, knives etc especially fixed signs : Taurus, Aquarius, Leo and Scorpio especially planets around 7º.

Let’s begin - by sign what are you about to begin:

#Aries : Network, platform, investment gains, group of influential

Looking to have a platform or a group of influential people or a fan base or a set of like minded people - your tribe who can work on the new vision you have of your life. That’s where it will manifest. What’s the driver and what’s the Mars Uranus restleness and brilliance - its in your money, confidence, self respect and assets house. You seek freedom in financials, radical self confidence in your personal assets and its a drive to prove your worth to none other than yourself. It’s you wanting to play and have fun with assets and money without being tied down. Creating all of it from the things that bring you bigger vision of life and helps you connect with people on larger scale instead of being confined and limited in your outlook to life. So you would work on money & asset shifts and manifest it in form of a platform or a network or a group of like minded people working on a larger vision - also through investments beyond a job, gains from investments. Detachment from fixity of assets and any kind of source of income that inhibits your freedom would seem urgent and essential. It might almost feel manifestation of your vision is impossible without it. Money becomes a means to freedom and you look to stop trading money for time as how you spend your time becomes more meaningful. A step towards that vision is what this season is about.

#Taurus : Job, career, leadership style, your title

Looking to start a new job or a new way to do a job or a shift in title - what you are know as and known for, shift in how you are a leader of your life. Driver is you don’t want to be who you were before. You want to detach from your past life in some ways as you would like to be more authentic to yourself, be more of you instead of what others want you to be or see you as. As you “show yourself” so as to speak - the existing mode of how you express yourself - which is normally our profession, our formal title - would also shift with it cause you want it to. Mars Uranus right now might make you feel very rebellious - wanting to jump out of your skin - sorry I don’t know why the werewolf analogy is popping in my head - you are beautiful inside out - but as risk of offending you I will use that analogy. It’s about you about to pop out - if you are a wolf inside and have been a sheep outside, it wont work for you especially not in your job. Yes it can be an erratic display, a conflict, a fight with authority but you know what - its long overdue probably. We can manage how it looks but not how it is - how it is , is how it is. So it would be a bit of truth time and time to move to what’s more real to you as you make a new start this season in your work.

#Gemini : Travel (jeez talk about being a tease), adventure, higher education, publication, putting your content on a platform, teach, higher mind

Geminis are going places, wanting to start something that gives them adventure, gives them that high vibe they crave. Aquarius season activates a very positive and to some extend radical part of their chart - this is what makes them so brilliant and interesting. They get radical also positively. They look like they are thinking of ten things at a time seemingly lost on all ten but inside they are synthesizing how to take over the world. This is where Gemini converge all they have learned and put it into a book, into a publication, on a platform, they teach, they engage with people who are different and far from them using tech and state of art platforms, they create state of art platforms to publish information thats useful and meaningful. Their drive is this Mars and Uranus bringing all thats within to right in from of them - they don’t feel scared any more of endings, of facing any demons within or outside, of facing their own fears - they have got to do it cause they are after finding their place in this wide wide universe. They are after establishing meaning of their existence and wanting to make it valuable beyond imagination. They want to wrap all their hidden talents, hidden insecurities and light it all on fire to get out in the open. It’s almost like they are asking - let me see how my worst fears play out - let me see what was I really afraid of. So I don’t ever have to use that word “fear” ever again anymore. Preach Gemini we are all ears!

#Cancer : Give & take in partnerships, Karmic, depth, healing

You know they say those who hurt so much, learn to heal others of their hurt. I always think of Cancerians when they say that. Cause why else would God or higher powers make them feel so much... unless it was to help them understand how every living being feels in every living instance. Human emotions isn’t the only thing Cancerians are expert on using their intuition on - they are sensitive on knowing the undercurrent of society and even financial world if they apply themselves to it. They are brilliant in seeing things below the surface but they create a protective layer even against their own intuition sometimes cause sometimes what they see hurts them. That sometimes makes a Cancerian stay in dysfunction longer than they should. So its a new wave of detaching ourselves from what’s karmic what’s bad for us and our intuition has told us so many times but we have been shielding ourselves from our own knowing. Its time to start a new ledger and put a knot on all old karmic ties so you establish a blank slate. A new start in much more powerful way of being when it comes to partnership, seeing the writing on the wall and handle give and take differently in relationships, use your depth and intuition in financial matters where you know things way ahead of time. Using your knowledge of matters unknown to others by putting that knowledge out on a platform, on a screen, for wide population to see. Sharing your depth, your knowing, your ideas with a larger set for their benefit versus reserving all your heart and love for one. Uranus and Mars will introduce you to unique people, offer you opportunities to work on new and state of art platforms to put your knowledge on and help you detach from past patterns in relating to others. Love is a tough topic, actually not love but intimacy and that depth & returns you seek in relationship is cause may be for far too long we have been mistaking unease, dysfunction, pain and karmic for depth and love. Love is not supposed to feel like pain. This is process of relearning it all by detaching from dysfunction. Starting new without the heavy.

#Leo : Clients, contract, commitment

Restless restless Leos have been looking for that thing, that thing they don’t know what thing, but that thing in their work, in their business, in their title, in the way they rule that domain of theirs - that links what they feel inside with a manifestation outside. They feel like a king or a queen inside - larger than life, magnanimous, caring for the people who benefit from just their smiling confident gaze. That’s their true self, that’s who they were born to be. But then life got in between and daily annoyances, need to pay the bills and take care of people got in the way. Licking the wounds of not being themselves for far too long, Leos have been waiting to roar. Fixed signs are triggered and Leos are on top of the list cause they crave and need to break out of these shackles that hold their mind down and make them be who they know within they are not. The place they would want to be themselves the most would be in how they handle their job, their work and especially in the one on one interactions with their clients and partners. You are preparing a stage for your enormous potential. It could be by working towards a new contract that allows to access to the client or people who you crave to connect with or gives you the kind of freedom and eclectic freedom and brilliance in work you crave. You want your clients, your partners, your platform to benefit from your ideas and brilliance. You need a mode to convey that - may its not in the traditional job or may be a traditional job needs to follow some new rules to make that happen. Either ways if there is not a way you will make a way - such is the fixed intensity of your Mars Uranus in your career - it will make you jump through jobs, rebel at jobs, create unique roles, create unique career - till you have got it. What would you start new to make it all happen - a new contract, a new commitment, a new partnership or a unique disruptive partner which helps you explore your own psych to see why any of the titles not fitting who you feel within. May be cause what you want doesn’t exist right now, may be cause you are a creator and not a follower, may be its time to stop looking for someone to create what you want and make it yourself.

#Virgo : Order, job, project, coworkers, work place, mind body connection

When Uranus first entered their house of higher mind over two years back, it was almost like something very subtly but surely shifted in them. Whatever they thought they knew about life and where theirs’ is going at least changed. It’s a weird thing - philosophy - its supposed to be nebulous, non physical thing but its one thing in our life which if shifts - everything consequently has to shift to adjust it. As their philosophy in life shifted and is in process of fully changing who they are - Virgos have to adjust the most important thing in their life to adjust that to go with it - their own daily routines, the thread of life that runs their physical existence - their processes, their work environment, who they work with and what kind of projects they work on and most importantly how they take care of your body. Its a cause of friction when your life philosophy and who you are within has expanded but you still continue to work with the same people or employ the same people you did before or the way you handle your body and your routines stay the same. When your higher mind has been set free you need to start a new chapter in your physical reality as well - new start in your own daily routines, when you work out, where you work out, how you take care of your body, what kind of projects you work on, who you work with or who you hire, what’s the structure of your work place, what’s the kind of workplace you go to. Its got to reflect it all - your daily environment has to mirror your higher vision else you will feel a friction in your body and that friction would show up in form of non stop conflicts with coworkers or unease in health. Use this season to break a pattern and start anew.

#Libra : Risk appetite, love, passions, children, joy

People have a lot against pandora box - I love the unexpected nature of it all - I love the fact that it shows that side of us that we knew was in us but it wasn’t oh so kosher to show up cause of others. But when you close it - the gifts go back in as well as does hope, joy and passion. The very balanced and my beautiful Librans can write their own book on balance and the evils of opening such boxes but what if it was knocking on their own doors. Uranus and Mars wakes up a dormant yet very important part of Librans thats not only powerful, its essential to help them make their passions come to life. Some call it kundalini release some call it that coiled serpent - one thing thats common in it all is that its not something that anyone attaches with a Libra archetype. Its raw passion, even anger, jealousy, need to be powerful, establish that right give and take in partnership, knowing your own worth and not being shy of making it evident and asking returns that corraborate that. Its somewhat essential to release that - cause its also the part of you that helps you go after your desires, helps you take a bit of risk in your love and professional life, helps you give birth to what you love and would cherish as your legacy. So thats where we begin - driver is to come into your own power, to release archaic ways of give and take in partnership, to let the patterns play out as they should and not on basis of how good or bad they look. What you start new to give that drive an outlet is a new passion, a new appetite for risk in life and that could be in form of a new love, a new hobby, a child, a business thats like a child - its you giving birth to what you would love, cherish and is an extension of your love for self. This is excellent season for you Libra as its your house of joy which is woken up but its facing a hesitance - a bit like resistance to ones own happiness as it requires you to go out of your element to get there. It requires you to not hide the powerful side of you when you deal with others and let them know what you know.

Don’t reduce yourself to make mediocre feel comfortable. They aren’t elevated, we become mediocre in the process.

#Scorpio : Home, family, ancestors, place of living, comfort

People don’t understand why a Scorpio needs to be sure before going into something or going “steady” and why they have to “sense” out things. Sage the hell out of their aura cause they are about to occupy mine for a lifetime says my Scorpio rising.

People don’t get that as much as we are eager to act and ready to face any consequence, we have a fixity in our relationships and partnerships. Partners and relationships never leave Scorpios even when they leave. But the “please no drama” zone of partnerships to be honest has become a bit of battlefield lately. What are we fighting for though. More freedom, more authenticity possibly. But may be more passion, more expression, more dynamism. Its such a contradiction isn’t it - the area we seek the most stability in - we also seek the most excitement and freedom in as well. That kind of freedom can only be based in trust, can only be based if we feel stable in our footing. Feel sure of the ground we stand on and then we can build all the existing relationships, connect with unique partners and clients / networks with. Aquarius season and this year of Saturn Jupiter in our house of home, family, place of living is aiming to do just that. Beef up the home metaphorically and physically. So this season we do something new in that direction so we can take more risks in our business and personal partnerships. We embellish our home, shift houses, countries, find a home within home and find the resources that beef us up from within or find that tribe we can call family that help us get there. Nothing above the surface can fly higher without that home as much as we would want to run away from it. So it might be time to put roots, find that place or do something make your family comfortable in some ways so you have a sure footing within - by purchasing real estate or changing your lease or shifting something in the house or deciding which country you would live in. Normally modern family structures and home structures suit us, possibly away from place of birth or away from parents in some ways - Scorpios cherish the closeness that comes from letting them have their “space” - may be time to find a bit of space so you can think, create and draw strength from. Beef those roots up.

#Sagittarius : Communication, immediate environment, commercial skills

Like a fish out of water, Sagittarius might have put themselves in a zone totally out of their comfort zone cause what they themselves don’t understand right now is that traditional isn’t cutting it for them as much as they are trying. Old isn’t vast enough to let them be who they need to be. The kind and level of commercial success and to some extend the kind of impact they are looking for doesn’t come from traditional careers. They are looking to create something unique and its coming in tough by sticking to old work environment or even that environment might have stopped suiting who they are becoming. Its a process that started over two years back when Uranus first started in their house of work and health - creating a bit of environment of restless brilliance which is just waiting to pop but not yet finding possibly its outlet. Not yet finding that outlet cause may be using the old skill sets and using the old teachings / learnings or old modes and methods of selling / communicating. When you cannot stand the confinement of your surrounding, usually your immediate environment needs a shift - as does the people you see on a daily basis, the road to work you take, the car or vehicle you use and the platforms / devices you use for communicating your perspective along with the words that you are communicating. This new start this season is an up skill to a new commercial reality by changing what you talk, what you sell, what your talents are. I love that unique brilliant futurist sign of Aquarius sits in mind of Sagittarius - it makes them say what they think but also say what they see far ahead of time. They blurt out outstanding thoughts... well without a thought. Possibly a new course can be pretty helpful just to open your mind to new way to commercialize those brilliant thoughts. Perhaps a new neighbourhood or new surroundings can open the mind to more suitable environment that help you commercialize. Perhaps a new platform or new communication devices help support your work in the way you would like. Perhaps a new route to work could help support the new health routine you are looking for. Anything that opens your mind to new economy would be a helpful hand in your journey to get more freedom in your work and provide a platform for you to express your ahead of time ideas. But speak, sell, communicate, connect, commercialize - its time to.

#Capricorn : Money, assets, networth and self worth

I have said it before and I am going to shout from the rooftops till everyone knows, I love love the Uranus transit Capricorn are getting on. Its so freeing - its going to free their sense of joy, their ability to connect with the fun playful innocent child within which has been forced to grow up way too fast with the last few years of transit. Uranus in your house of joy and passions is screaming to release all thats fun, confident, talented, creative, passionate about you. You feel driven to take the risks you have not taken in love, in money, in business - it creates this radical confidence in your ability to bring things to life, in your ability to give birth to the unique thoughts within. And it all, as with everything else with Capricorn, has got to be something real - something touch it feel it. The manifestation of it all to start with could be seen in your financials , in your assets, in things you are going to buy or invest in. Aquarius season starts a new cycle in your networth and self worth. New source of income, new asset, new investment, new purchase that would add to your networth and a new sense of self that helps you go after getting true value of your talents. You might even go after aquiring some talents that help you create more value e.g. in stock markets. You are on a new journey where you want to be free of guilt in being happy, in being fruitful, uninhibited smile - whatever brings that on, bring that on!

#Aquarius : You

Everyone’s talking about you or of you, you don’t necessarily like that... you didn’t ask for it but may be you did - its all been going stale for a while so you did ask for it all to become interesting and it all started being a bit more interesting two years back and now its just all changing way too fast. More importantly think I am changing too fast and rest is changing with me cause my comfort zone is shifting - cause well I wanted to do something different. So here it is that time to start new life, new you in your season - Happy Aquarius Season to you and happy birthday to Aquarius Sun. It just is how your season would be for next few years but this is a landmark one as lot of energy concentrated in your sign is being challenged by your own inertia to change things cause you feel the comfort zone will be lost in some ways - not registering there is no comfort zone anymore. When a kite has taken a flight there is no ground to rest on so its better to learn to fly breathlessly a bit cause stopping isn’t an option at this stage. Unprecedented growth is the reward awaiting of you taking over the reigns of your life in your hand. You have taken a journey where you are fully owning everything in your life, now so don’t look back - start another new chapter in that new direction you have decided to go on. There could be physical volatility in home, family or place of living - its like some constant ground you stood on is shaking - cause its limiting your ability to go where you need to. Its like you need to almost forget where you came from to become who you need to be - leaving the nest is one thing, forgetting the patterns that physically kept you there is another. This is like you are literally being reprogrammed as a person - physically in your body, in your fitness, in what kind of a leader you are and how you show up to the external world. And as part of that reprogramming, your old patterns would have to be irrevocably erased. Whatever it takes!

#Pisces : Peace, healing, health, recognizing your hidden talents & place in universe

Most brilliant creators go to isolation away from everyone to create their masterpiece even though the masterpiece is for the enjoyment of the very people they are going away from. Its like somehow they need to connect with themselves before they can give to others their best work. Its like for it all to be kosher pure chaste and brilliant it needs to be all free of any influence. Do you feel the need to shut all that noise sometimes so you can hear what the universe is trying to talk just to yourself - so you can find why you came here - what is your role and what are you here to serve. Uranus in your house of mind, create such sensitivity and brilliance in your mind that you feel sometimes an idea a minute coming - yet not having an outlet for it all sometimes just leaves a restless feeling that makes it impossible to settle down or sleep sometime. What if you needed a beat to put it all down, what if you needed to create your island so you can in that silence synthesize all that the rest of the connections have inspired you to think of. I am in no way suggesting its time to go on a mountain but I am saying there are two parts of you - conflicting parts of you fighting it out right now. One is teaming with day to day bustle, so much talk, so much information, so much connection, so many ideas, so many people in surrounding acting erratically. Yet not being able to leave that cause I know I can create here something unique, I am learning so much commercially, I am meeting so many unique people, I am actively engaged in my mind and body. Yet this can make you exhausted and scattered. Aquarius season and this year helps you find that corner behind the stage where all the real work happens. You work on a network project behind the scene there, you find peace in your thoughts there, you possibly connect with your hidden skills there, you meditate, put yourself in unique healing positions and potions to bottle all that brilliance into something of value, something of impact, something that can benefit many people. Gift that place behind the stage this season by starting a practice, finding your spirituality again, work on a behind the scene project thats your vision, deal with your fears and inner world. Its going to completely change how you deal with that active, bustling yet brilliant external life of yours. All innovators do this and you are one. All innovators also decide to give away & serve before they get & gain.

[dafukdidiwatch]

Fantasy High Rant (and why you should watch it)

Ok I got suggested this and I cant believe I've been sleeping on this series in the last two years. This series is freaking fantastic! I’m screaming.

Overview is this is a modern d&d fantasy land a la Onward Style, where we follow fantasy Scooby Doo gang as they try to solve the mystery of missing students while interacting with the fantastical citizens of Spyre.

I hella love it, because while it has such a great mystery of whats going on in the town, who is doing what and why, etc etc, and it just GROWS the more you watch it. You think it was something simple, but the conspiracy rabbit hole gets deeper and deeper. But to me the main pull is just seeing how our Party just interacts with everyone and each other. This is a very character driven series, which makes sense this is a d&d party, you have to get attached to the party if you want them to work together.

Fabian Seacaster: God he’s fun to watch. The rich kid high class type of character but is just has so much gusto. I love his relationship with his family, it’s adorable. He just adores his parents and his parents adore him back. Like Addams style adoration. He is a bit full of himself and arrogant and has a thing of living up to his father's legacy as well as his family name, but I think his arc is him learning that he doesn't have to define himself through his dad and can be his own person. Plus my favorite moments are him screaming “WHAT IS HAPPENING” because out of everyone he mostly the straight man dealing with people.

Gorgug: I just love him. He is just so sweet. He is just a gentle giant and confused all the time. I feel so bad that he keeps getting the shit end of the stick to save the rest of the party. Like the whole "stealing backpack" shit to basically set him up as the outcasts of outcasts. Granted I’m laughing my ass off when it happens, but he is just so anxious it’s cute. He is just very sweet and genuine, even if he is a little awkward. I also love him just asking if people are his dad lol he just wants to know. But when he rages he’s basically God-Tier Shaggy. 

Fig: lol her angsty teenage years finding out she isn't who she thought she was. Tbf her dad basically said she was the reason for her parents divorce soooo take that as you will. Her being the "bad girl" but also very helpful when she can is great. Her flirtatious punk attitude, the winking, and rocking bard stuff. I low key like the idea of her being with Gorgug because of the moments in Barbarian class and giving him drumsticks. And I also like her with Fabian as just a wild cool kid power couple. Also her fucking with Goldenhoarde is the best with her being sexual,with him. Its super funny.

Riz: I freaking love him. Kid detective on the case. The business cards for friendship which I mean, makes sense. His goal from day one was to find the missing girls and babysitter. I'm sorry he has a poor house to use water cereal, but his mom just loves him and I think that’s sweet. His family is the coolest and he isn’t afraid to admit how cool his family is. But he has direction, he has a mission, and he does it with determination. Plus I love how he is The Ball and everyone is just going with it and now supports it. Him fucking with Fabian is great. And I'm glad he is reconsidering his life choices after meeting the AV kids.

Adaine: She needs help. The panicking one. I mean, her family,obviously looks down on her and she is literally jealous of all the other kids parents (love the gnomes). She is learning to find her own magic her own way and trying to shatter the expectation forced on her. God I support her just fucking people up, especially with Pixie Boy.She is just trying to deal with things which honestly this adventure is getting her to open up and not take shit. Character Arc: Don’t Take Shit.

Kristen: I’m just watching a train wreck here. Like she was 100% Helios all the way. But now it is just watching her questioning everything about religion after dying. Its amazing from looking into other religion herself and just how it ALL escalates from there as she is pulled further and further away from her religion and old life. Learning that how she was raised was just so fucked. Like I'm just seeing how far this goes and if she will pick another god instead or just not be a cleric anymore.

Also I'm like never going to post a completed version of this post because I’m way too fucking obsessed. I went from ep 8 yelling about Kristen’s religious life to episode 13 plot-twist end. I basically am physically restraining myself from watching episode 15 before I type this or else this will never be typed. I can literally go off about all the characters there is just so many good moments.

Basically, check out the show yourself. It’s on Youtube, it’s hilarious. Watching the reactions and faces is just so much fun to see. 100% recommend.

Now excuse me while I scream spoilers for episode 8/13/14 underneath:

Midway through Ep 8:

Ok it was fucking Kristen! Like not her obviously, but she was the hellmouth! She was the initial sacrifice! Demon-Dad Garthox said that the Hellmouth can be opened inside a person, and Goth Kid Blane was working for the Harvestmen Helios to get that page. And lo and behold the page was in the corn vat that Kristen's book was pushed into! Coincidence? I think not!

They thought that it was somehow Adaine's magic that caused it, or the very least it was the bully,guy who chucked Kristen's book in. But no, the page was already inside her book and fell into the corn! If bully ass McGee didn't hit the book out of her hands, then she might have been the victim! Which makes sense, why not have a follower of Helios bring the end times in His name.

Which means that it could be Daybreak or her parents that gave her the page in her bible for this.

God,is this what Helios meant when it "wasn't her time?" Because she is needed as the Hellmouth Sacrifice?

And this makes the whole "sneaking into heaven" part make sense now. If Aguefort was trying to be assassinated by Helios, he could sneak into Helios Heaven and spy on them from the afterlife. He's a weird ass man I'm sure he can pull it off.

Also Fig's Dad is hella cool and I totally love him for,trying to be a parent and mature about this. Fig is totally supportive of him and I love it.

Ok I'm going back to finish episode 8 I just REALLY needed to rant about that.

Screaming about Episode 13:

The oracle was going to return,if the country was in danger. It was but she was,kidnapped/killed on an illusion ship to stop,her. Rix dad is a spy and he was 100%,super dope about it and him just finding his family secrets I was just crying like, he found his legacy, his entire family was,badasses he was so happy and took up his dad's gun for justice. Like how cool is it for a goblin spy,being small and already default evil to infiltrate that is so clever. That is what gets me on this show,is that they take these cool setting and ideas and how they are twisted to fit the fantasy. Cops? Fantasy cops. Skateboarders? Fantasy skateboarders.

Which lets be real, I think the best battle where they really,worked together was during the skateboarders.

This mystery is building and building and I,guess Penelope is,trying to,be queen,via homecoming queen which is,weird and has a Sarah berry vibe to,it. Which is fucking nuts.

Now I’m wondering if nice guy,pixie actually was in on it day 1, or if he was turned over after he was "beaten" like the bad guys offered him a way to make his dream girls his 2D pets. Which, gross. But Biz part doesn't necessarily fit with the main plot. He obv isn't behind this.

Kalvaxus is a demon with money. His money needs to be destroyed. So they are funneling his money through the banks. They used his ship in disguise to kidnap/capture/kill the oracle to prevent her from returning, which she said she would if the country was in danger. Yes the religious Harvestmen wanted to start the apocalypse via Kristen, but ass-elf diplomat said it wouldn't really work, but it would break the treaty and start war. Kalvaxus. Coach Daybreak had control,on Zane, who had control over Johnny Spells to kidnap girls, and since Alwin had a spell to find "maidens/virgins" they need the girls, either as a sacrifice or as conduits to power the arcane source. Was all of this to raise Kalvaxus from hell to the mortal world? That would explain the power source at the arcade with the trapped girls, to keep the connection going. The only,thing I can think,as to why Penelope would be as high up as she is in this conspiracy is if Kalvaxus is her dad. Which I guess,everyone has dad issues in,this group.

Side note, I appreciate how Gorgug thinks himself as,dumb but gets really smart ideas and the whole party agreed they are smart. Like,he was the first to,put 2 and 2 together about Kalvaxus== KVX bank, even if he didn't outright say it.

All,the adults are really,enjoyable,to see. I fucking love Rix’s mom shes so cool. And Gilear is actually really,pitifully funny. I wouldn't think I would like,him as much after that first episode, but he is actually hilarious being the lunch lad and just trying his best.

Live Screaming Episode 14 (lots of incoherent):

fucking He'll Riz got the drop on Biz but he fumbled the attack with a nat1.

Ah shit! This is their shit! The prizes are the girls shit as trophies. Zelda headphones. Skateboard girl. You need to give the items back!!!

Fig's German Shepard patrol finally works out

And Riz is now in Penny's game, oh this hurts because this is the girl that he wants to help.

Biz is like a terrible chucky cheese mascot.

I love it when Fabian says "whats happening" because for all his rich person elegance his bafflement amuses me.

It's so sad to see these girls just be this, shadow of themselves. Like no personality at all.

Adaine does will with the divination rolls, I don't think I,could be able to,do this that well.

Damn they are taking the girls,into the power source, they need girl power. Literally.

Gorgug is just so sweet to call his parents for help. Too bad it didn't work. Its a gnome game, sweet.

damn this is a lot more dangerous than before. This is why we don't split the party.

Make Gorgug fly again that would be awesome. But Adaine flying is good too.

Riz using his gremlin powers to fuck up the parascepts from the inside is fucking amazing, why the hell is it funneling to the school.

Sucks that Fabian just kept running all the way out the building. But lets say Fabian having that motorcycle is just so op. Plus it called him Daddy let's not forget that.

Gorgug using the headphones with Zelda’s music is just so sweet and clever. See hes a simple man but very smart. Practical I think.

Lol only the guys got sucked into the game. No girls in video game.

The Bebe raises Gorgug’s rage. Riz is right: hot topic vs av nerds.

Where is devil dad, like he wasn't kidnapped or kidnapped figs mom or whatever right??? Like i get suspicious when people don't respond immediately.

OMG Gorgug is God Tier Shaggy.

Biz is doing the Fantasy Truffle Shuffle.

Cut his wings Gorgug!

Riz!!! Keep her here!!! FUCK!!! HE DIDN'T!!! Biz is soooo creepy.

Yes! Keep the ghosts so sad I would love the bag of holding but too bad it didn't work.

Gorgug’s parents are just so freaking sweet and supportive.

Hold shit Gorgug’s honesty got him double crit. That sucks but I lowkey hope he keeps the white hair.

That motorcycle is so op. But hes in a racing game with the hangman, at least he has an advantage.

Kristen's philosophers are just so op. I love how her religion is just searching for eternal knowledge.

NAT 20 THE NAT 20 FUCKING YES LETS GO RIZ JUST FLIPPING IT OFF AND SCREAMING FUCK YOU holy,shit that was funny. Too bad it was wasted on such a dumbass moment.

Just smashed the palimpsest that's how the owlbear popped out. Wow it was hilarious how biz popped out. But holy,shit Riz not even giving biz a chance as he starts shooting off fingers that’s amazing

I love them fucking with him because hes an ass. Oh, Alwin modify memory to make him think it was his evil plan. You know still fuck him tho. Ugh are those pictures. No. They know it was the group and photos of their house. Ughhhhh and now things are getting more dangerous,

[asmybreathkissesthewindow]

Hey idk if you're up for this but would be so happy if you would give any tips how to start out with synths, like what kind of equipment would you get for a basic set up with not endless money? I am v bad with understanding technology but have always wanted to make music and Ableton is not for me. I like the physicality of synths but it explodes my mind to understand whats needed for the very basic setup at least at this point. Any leads would be amazing thank you!!

i went through tons of youtube reviews before buying anything and you can find many which show the whole spectrum of sounds and possibilities that a synth can provide, though cant deny those are always expensive desires like i would dream to even touch Teenage Engineering OP-1 but i have never even had this amount of money on my account... also ive spent all i had some time ago on Korg Arp Odyssey and i adore the thing but now after some time i am not sure anymore that its sound waves are my kind of thing... seems like the Korg Volca FM i bought five times cheaper suits my taste better and maybe i would recommend to try it out as it is cheaper than most of the synths but has the whole range of possibilities within, but as i say - it might be not enough for you to gain your dream imaginations, thats why i use Tascam casette recorder in my work, i cut the tape, i make loops, i use delay pedal for recording often and i also am the type of person who needs to feel the real keys and equipment to create but ableton can be fun sometimes just try to put tons of reverb... the beginnings are hard and for me it was all a huge experiment, actually all you need is to find your way by yourself, in the end all i am obsessed with lately are fieldrecordings, my zither and whispers so i do not really use synths for now like i just prefer to record my radiatior sounds

[thedragonslibrary]

Is it possible to be blocked like magick or energy wise? I do not know how to put it in words but sometimes I feel like there is something that i should connect to or should be able to do but I am not. Maybe I am not idk well practiced enough but it sometimes feels like I am running against a glass wall. Maybe I Idk man. I am just really frustrated. I cant really give examples just everytime I do something magick related it feels like running against a wall and it makes me wanna cry. Sorry

Yes, of course it’s possible to be blocked!  

To clarify, your first statement about feeling as though you should be able to “connect” to something is a common beginner issue.  It may simply be that you haven’t found the thing you’re supposed to connect to yet - whether that’s opening your third eye and being able to talk to your guides, finding the deity and/or pantheon you connect most to in a religious manner, or simply opening your psychic awareness fully enough to feel the energies around you.  The best advice I can give is to experiment.  Try everything, and don’t hold yourself back!  

When I was a beginner witch, I tried everything from Wicca to demonolatry to Christian witchery, from reiki to hexing and cursing, from psychopomp work and shadow work and light work and everything you can imagine.  If you can think of it, I probably tried it in some way.  Only by putting yourself out there in as many avenues and paths as you possibly can, will you find what works for you.  If something doesn’t work, doesn’t fit or “feel right,” put it away and move on.  Read everything you can - on Tumblr, in books, in every single resource you can find.  It took me probably five or six years of exploration to figure out what generally “worked” for me, and I still feel like I’m learning and discovering new outlets for my magical expression.

An extra “something” is not for everyone.  Often in magical practices, you are the source of your own power.  Sure, crystals and herbs and grounding and gods help, but ultimately the magic is coming from you.  You might not necessarily need an extra “thing.”  Let your magic be intuitive, don’t let books or Tumblr bloggers tell you how to do your thing step-by-step.  Take spells or rituals and modify them to fit your needs - that is how they’ll be most powerful and useful for you.

But back to the topic of blockages, if you have already had magical abilities previously: I have gone through blockages myself, and they are exactly what you described here: frustrating, like hitting a wall.  Sometimes it feels as though all your “power” has been taken away, and you’re left without your previous magical agency.  You might have the thought that perhaps you were just making everything up all along, that maybe you’ve been deluding yourself.  Trust me, you didn’t, and things will get better!  

In my experience, there are two general types of blocks you can have.  I’ll outline them for you and how they can be worked through.  

The first is a bit simpler, and is more like an art block.  Lots of magic-users go through periods of this softer, mental blockage at some point or another on their path.  It can be sometimes referred to as a Fallow Period, which comes from a similar phrase in farming used to refer to when a partition of soil is meant to rest for a season or two to regain its fertility.  

A Fallow Period can arise from burnout, especially from outside sources creating stress in your life.  

Magic, especially psychic and spirit work, is infinitely more difficult when you are stressed, going through a rough mental health period, or when you are physically ill.  

Fallow Periods can also be caused through divine intervention - your spirit guides or deities may have decided that you need to take a break to focus on real life, or to focus on taking care of yourself for a little while.

Blockages of this nature eventually right themselves, but it can take time - it can last anywhere from a few months to over a year.

The best thing to do when you’re experiencing a fallow period like this is to not force it.  You are only going to frustrate yourself if you continue to attempt to perform magically and have little to no results.  Additionally, you’re going to create a deadly cycle of feeling disappointed in yourself, and eventually burn out so hard you won’t want to do magic at all anymore.

Instead, take some time to create: write poetry, draw, or paint.  Write devotional poetry.  If you want to do magical work, work on your grimoire or book of shadows.  Focus on practical magic you can do with your hands - cooking, creating items with intent, cleansing and clearing your home.

Take time to meditate and perform self-care.  Perform practical, easy meditations like the simple, free ones in the Headspace app, or find guided meditations for free on YouTube that bring you into fun, brightly colored astral spaces.  Take baths and imagine all of your troubles washing away down the drain when you’re finished.  Give yourself room to heal and just feel good about yourself.

When you feel ready to move out of your Fallow Period, it will come very naturally.  Like an urge to pick up a witchcraft book or to astral travel suddenly.  Don’t worry about easing back into it - while taking it slow might be good for some, it’s not for everyone.  If you’re really excited to get back into magic, and you’re being urged to do it right now, go ahead and do it!

The other type of blockage is a physical, energetic blockage.  These are usually sudden-onset conditions.  If one day you are performing just fine magically, and the next you wake up and you can’t feel any of your sixth senses, and you are not physically sick or particularly more stressed out than normal, you probably have a physical energetic blockage.

Ensure first that it’s an energetic blockage.  Perform a reading on yourself, check your energy centers, figure out how you’re feeling physically.  Meditation goes a long way here, as well as visualizing your energy moving through your body.  Does it seem to stop anywhere?  Likewise, do you feel extremely hopeless and drained energetically for no discernible, tangible reason (i.e. depression or a recent traumatic experience)?  Can you not even muster up the motivation to check yourself?  Then you probably have an energetic blockage.

Find an energy healer in physical proximity to you.  Trust me when I say that it is not enough to go to the local Hand & Stone and ask for a reiki massage (I have tried this for you already, and please believe me when I say it’s not going to solve your problems).  Distance healings do work and are worth it, but in my personal experience physical healings tend to be much more powerful when it comes to dismantling blockages in this way.

Ask around at your local metaphysical stores.  Find someone who is a reiki master or another type of energy healer, who has great reviews outside of what’s posted on their website and who has a great deal of experience.  Ask them if they have unedited testimonials anywhere they can share with you (such as Google reviews).  

Ask what their process is, ask to see their healing space, ask them what physical tools they use in their session.  Ask them if they’d be willing to charge a small fee for them to examine you and figure out what’s going on (don’t expect them to do something like that for free).  Remember that they should never suggest that they can heal physical ailments or claim that their services replace allopathic medicine - they should only focus on your energetic issues.  

Explain to them that you feel blocked energetically and that this is exactly what you are looking to be treated for - psychics and healers are not mind readers, and they cannot help you if they’re not told what they need to fix.  

Pay attention to your gut and what feels right.  Even in a blocked state, you always have decent access to your intuition.

I won’t lie, you will likely need to shell out a good amount of money for this.  A good healer worth their salt most likely won’t charge you less than $60 for an hour session.

If you don’t feel some kind of energetic release during your healing session, mention that to your healer.  Since you’ve already told them about your issue, they may be able to give advice as to why you didn’t feel any specific change, as everyone’s process is different and the healer you’ve chosen to work with is going to have the best understanding over the situation, after you.  Again, pay attention to your gut.  Give the healing a couple of days to set in, and make sure to drink plenty of water and pay attention to how you feel.

When I personally dealt with my own physical energy blockage, when it was finally healed it felt like a dam breaking and all of my energy flowing back into my body.  It felt like I had had one of my senses shut off, and for the switch to finally be turned back on.  Not everyone is going to feel this way, but if you’ve been blocked for a particularly long time, it may feel very strong and overwhelming to have yourself be un-blocked.

Whatever your situation is, I hope this post was helpful!  Good luck on finding your solution!

[fadingalps]

i am exhausted. i am not tired. i am worn. i want this feeling to end. i am exhausted of feeling and thinking this way. i had a doctors appointment today and i couldn’t keep myself together but i tried. i try to hold things in, because i dont want it to show. but its showing and i cannot hold it back. i dont usually cry much, i have been cutting & using a lot when i am by myself. i am crying now. i just want it to stop. i want my head to stop. i just don’t want to be here anymore but i know i am a coward and wont be able to do it. i just want to scream, i feel like i am going down but i want everyone else to go down with me. i know you are supposed to go to therapy to be able to talk about these things, but i dont want to feel. i dont want to feel. i dont want to talk for an hour and then leave. i am crying even more now. i am scared. i am scared of myself. i am impulsive and i am trying. i really am. i am working like crazy, i am working out so much, trying to sleep, trying to get out, nothings happening. i am the one who needs to go. i need to get out of here, i have beaten myself up physically so much this weekend. i just want to die, i need to get out of here. i cant take it anymore. i cant do it anymore. i want to scream. have you ever cried so hard that you had to put your hand over your mouth so no one else could hear you? that is what i am doing right now. God, please help me, I believe in you but where have you been when I needed you. I am fucking crying out for help and no one will help me. because i am not helping myself. i cant talk, i am too scared, because if i talk everything will be real. i wish it was all made up in my mind, i wish i could throw it in a book and never look back. but the memories will always be there, the trauma will stay forever. i cant breathe right now, i just cant. i don’t know what to do. i need help, i dont know how to ask for it. i dont want to look weak. i am scared, i am so scared. i don’t want to kill myself. i have a lot to live for. i want to kill what is inside me, whats inside my head. i have so much going for me and i am willing to give it up. i dont care anymore. someone asked me about my future today, i could have said what i want. kids, a nice husband to take care of me, to build a house, not buy one. a good job, working with kids, i want to have money... but all i could think about was. what happens if i am not here in 5 years. i am scared. i dont want to go, but its my only choice. he asks me why i come to therapy if i dont want change, but i do. i just don’t know where to start. i don’t know if i can do it alone, once a week and go home and think everything is okay. because its not. nothing will ever be okay. i know i have already said it before, but tears. and more tears. 

when does depression end?  when it ends you. 

[tazanna-blythe]

Done

Chapter 1

Marinette had an awful week. A week full of Marinette we need this, Marinette can you make this?, Marinette plan this, Marinette schedule this , Marinette fix this and etc. And when she'd say no or that she's busy they call her lazy and petty. And this is just her so called classmates and miss bustier did nothing to help her and just said to do it.

Oh and let's not forget the constant bullying and abuse they do outside of school and the constant taunts of lie la and the dismissive looks Adrian give her when ever she disagree with him on something.

She can' t take this anymore . She's exhausted mentally and physically and this is affecting not only on school but on ladybug most fight's she had with akuma's last only minutes now its almost an hour which is bad and its taking a toll on her.

She needs this to stop , she needed a plan. A plan to stop all this ,a plan to finally give her the peace and relaxation she so deserves not only for her insanity but also for her future.

While Marinette ponders on tikki is furious ,so mad that she's wishing someone's death! Which is not like her, she's the type that believes that everyone deserves a second chance to redeem themselves. The caring, loving and forgiving kwamii never gets truly mad at anything is now bloody red from thinking of how everyone treats her chosen to the point that she readily helps her chosen on her plan and a wicked plan it was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The 2 of them finalized there plan until they saw the sun rises and the hurried foot step of her parents preparing for the morning rush of the bakery.

"Well tikki if we need this plan to succeed i need a lot of money, time and patients. Which the first 2 don't have"

"yes , we do!"

"What?? Where ?? When? How??"

" Marinette did you forget I'm the goddess of creation, i can just create some money for you easy peasy" . As tikki was getting ready to create money out of thin air.

"Tikki no!!! This is wrong and we don't know how long its gonna last and how much energy your gonna use and the money we need isn't small you know! And most of all this is ILLEGAL!"

"Then what are we gonna do??"

"How about you make me mini camera with Hd quality lenses and audio?"

"Sure Marinette?! I can do that, how many do you need??"

"Just 2 and make it look like my hair tie???"

Just as Marinette orders 2 identical hair tie's appears in thin air that looks the same as her old one's . Without any hesitation she opens it and saws a mini camera in side with 2tb (terabyte) SD card each inside. With that she gets ready for the day and went down stairs with a new hair tie and confidence .

Marinette left the bakery with no one noticing her and hurriedly walk to school. while she was almost at the top of the stairs.

"How could you!" Alya screamed at her " you were supposed to babysit my sister last night so Nino and I can have a date!!"

Marinette raised her eyebrow "Babysit? How can i babysit when no one told me to and I was busy"

"What can you be busy of? You don't do anything special and you have a lot of free time and most of all I'm your best friend and friends have each others back !!"

"Bestfriend so it means i have to do your job??"

"Yes! And where's the interview with ladybug you promised me? Its been weeks all ready and I don't have anything new about ladybug."

"First of all I didn't promise you anything second why don't you just ask Lila about the interview she's ladybug's best friend I'm sure she'd love to help you"

"Oh that's right ill just ask her at least she'll help me unlike somebody i know" with that she walks inside looking for Lila.

*sign* Marinette slowly but surely walks to the classroom and sat on her sit, puts her head down and fallen asleep.

*Rings*

Lunch break its lunch break and no one even notice Marinette was sleeping alone at the back . Slowly Marinette opens her eyes and walks out of the classroom and see's most of her classmates surrounding Liela and telling a new tall tale about who knows what. At this point she doesn't care anymore.

She walked to the vacant table and starts eating her croissant.

"Yes, damiboo loves me so much that he even bought me this beautiful bracelet, i told him not to buy me this but he insisted on it so who am i to say no hahahaha" everyone started looking at her bracelet in awe.

" ahhh Lila this is beautiful and is this damiboo your talking about is Damián Wayne right?" Alya ask with twinkle in her eyes

"Aw yes but please don't tell anyone this is suppose to be a secret we don't want people getting the wrong idea"

"That's so sweet ,where did you meet Lila" rose said sweetly

"We are childhood friends I've know each other since we were 6 yrs. His family just adores me and practically wanted me to just move in with them but my mom said we were to young so she'll have to keep me for the time being"

"Awwww...that so romantic I wish I have that" rose send with hearts in her eyes

While everybody flocks on Liela there's 3 people looking at the group in disbelieve. And the 3 would be Marinette, Chloe and Adrien all 3 of them knows with one look that the bracelet is fake and by the looks of it very cheap mostly likely a fashion jewelry.

" I cant believe people actually believes utterly ridiculous "chloe said seriously

Marinette looks up from her table and saw Chloe approaching her and sitting down at the table right next to her.

"What are you doing here Chloe"

" I know I'm grade a bitch but i can't stand stupid people i mean look at it with just one glance you would know that bracelet is fake and it's not even that beautiful i just don't get why their flocking at her. And i rather be here with you than hear another ridiculously story about who knows what"

"You and me both Chloe"

"So are you going to exposure or what"

"Yes of course I just need time and help"

" I'll help you in one condition you need to sign the contract to work in my mother's company ezpz right a win-win for both of us"

Marinette raised eyebrow "Joking right! Why on earth would you want me to work with your mother, do you know what that means ha Chloe. It means will be together a lot more than usual"

"Do you think I'm stupid? Of course I know that and I think its better actually. Your a dork who know fashion has talents ,hates liars and my mother likes you. And unlike those stupid and so called friends of ours I know who is better and real people and most of all you never gave up and loyal and that's hard to find"

"What about Sabrina?"

"She's was loyal to me of course then she suddenly believes everything Liela said and you know the rest"

"So all I need is to sign the contract and you'd help me?"

"Yup"

Marinette ponders a bit "Deal! As long as you are not allowed to call me anymore weird and awful nickname ,no more mocking, no more trash talk, be your real self with me and I have to read the contract first" and I reach my hand to her for her to shake

"Deal, so later after school come with me to the hotel" Chloe said with a real smile plaster on her face

While the 2 of them have a heart to heart talk someone's watching them from a far with a confused face but he dismissed it and just eat with his friends while trying to listen to what everyone's saying. This is for the better and when Marinette finally sees what he means everything will be back to normal and everyone's gonna be happy again. With that thought he had a funny weird smile on his face imagining his perfect world while plagg's busy trying to contact tikki or ladybug.

When lunch is over everybody's going back to their classroom. Marinette sits at the back without even giving a glance at her classmates then Chloe sits next to her and giving her a small smile. Everyone's shock of what just happened then just gossip with each other in hush tones about how weird its is which is still heard by Marinette and Chloe. Which they just ignore.

The class end everyone's starts packing there things then Alya stomps her way to the back of the class

"You!!! What do you think your doing?" She points aggressively at Marinette with a fierce glare.

"I'm packing my things"

"Don't be pretend you don't know! you threatened Lila in the bathroom"

"Why would I do that and when did I do that?"

"Your just a jealous bitch you know that ,Lila never did anything to you and you just can't stand that's she's more cooler than you"

"Alya you didn't answer me when did I threatened her?"

"At lunch, Lila said so!"

Marinette looks at Alya disbelievingly " How can a threatened her when you guys where with her all the time??"

"Are you calling Lila a liar?"

"No I'm telling you to use your head. Come on Chloe lets go" just before there leaving

"And why the hell are you hanging out with Chloe? Don't you remember your sworn enemies and don't you there bail on me again you are babysitting my sisters today!"

Marinette looked directly into her eyes then said "she is my friend and I'm not your slave so get away from me"

Alya was taken by surprise by the sudden coldness of Marinette eyes "No she's not and I'm your best friend "

"Are you really?"

"Yes !!"

"Then tell me when was the last time you called me or texted me?"

Alya smiled and directly opens her phone and looked ........" last night! I texted you multiple times you didn't answer me"

"Try calling me again"

Alya was skeptical but called her anyway

"Sorry the number you have dialed is invalid please try again"

Everyone was stunned at what the phone said. Alya called again and the same thing happened ,automatically the other students followed suite and called Marinette but the same result . Adrien tried to but no luck.

"If you are really my friend you would know that my phone brooked 3 weeks ago so would you excuse as we have some business to attend to"

With that both Chloe and Marinette left the classroom with their stunned classmates. before they even walk out of school Adrien stopped them

"That wasn't nice of you, I'm disappointed in you Marinette you are our everyday ladybug your supposed to make everyone feel safe and happy that's your job and it is your job to keep our classroom in order. didn't we already discussed this Lila is a liar but she never hurts anybody. you need to get your priorities straight do you want Lila to be akumatized again. I know you you are better than that"

While Adrian was taking he had forgotten that Chloe was their with them listening to every word he said.

"You knew and you didn't do or said anything at all you just let that slimy, ungrateful, psychopath wag her disgusting tongue about this and that and creating rumors tall tales about Marinette that isn't true and would most likely end her career in the future . don't you know the meaning of slander? or toxic friends?, abuse?. because as Marinette had said just now she's not anybody's slave she has her own life she can fucking do whatever she wants to do and you nor anybody in that classroom can say anything about it capisce.... so if I were you I would get my head out of my ass and wake up from that fantasy of yours because this is the real world …. come on Marinette we're leaving"

Chloe grabs Marinette's hand then pulled her into the limousine while leaving a stunned Adrien at the top of the stairs.

In the limousine:

"Thank you"

"No problem"

"Are you ok? I thought you like him?"

"I did but that was a long time ago . You?"

"Same"

Both *sign*

"At least know I have a really friend"

"Friend? You want to be friend's with me?"

"Yes and I already forgave you a long time ago so friends?"

"Friends... so tell me about that plan of yours" smiling evilly

While the 2 talk's Jean Chloe's butler smile at them and thanks the heavens above that now his mistress has a real friend and maybe she'll help her mend the rift between the mother and daughter.

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