saintjunya

[saintjunya]

Balkrishna Doshi, Aranya Low Cost Housing India, 1983-1986

[saintjunya]

[saintjunya]

[saintjunya]

N then u realize this aint real. N that we cant be together n i realized that i just wanted to have u. And keep u to myself. N never let u breathe unless i was there to see ur every move n know where ur going who ur with what ur doing n how ur doing it n who ur seeing n why u

Talk to him n what made u want him n why is this on ur phone n why ur texting ur ex n why u dont love me n why u aint tell me n why u lied n why u played me n why u come back again n why is it true that they always come back again even when they were the ones that left

Then u realize u are the prize, they just aint got enough tokens to play to get u so they keep coming back everytime they get some more coin. Why u say bye if u was gon come back again. Why not stop before hello n never show ur face. Am i that irresistible

[saintjunya]

[saintjunya]

❌👁️🧿❌

[saintjunya]

[saintjunya]

[saintjunya]

[saintjunya]

[saintjunya]

[saintjunya]

I am under-appreciated. Manipulated. Charmed with chains and attacked before i can breathe.

-some day, you’ll love this. You’ll even celebrate it. U cant lie to yourself. Love always returns never void. U cant avoid it-

Made to be little, belittled

Told “it’s for a reason” and the reason be more pain. More lies. More contempt. More flavorless pity.

But no retribution. No salvaging my soul. Thrashed about more all the more.

That use of language hurts doesn’t it?

I know you understand. Even if i dont.

Remember the kid who was in horror movies but couldn’t even watch them as he wasnt over 17 yet?

That’s my life’s story. And yet someone penned this for me, and to no avail i was assaulted today.

Blindsided. Attacked, w my own body. Blamed and then offered a hand-that i rejected in disgust that someone would hurt me and then offer a hand to pull me up so i could resume the torture. My ankle screams for me to remember this forever. To immortalize the pain in my brain without the help of other humans reiterating. A harpy harps but when she gets hold of a harp you should run. Because the most silent dangers are the subliminal messages sung to your soul.

Humiliated, i stood up and held my peace, said what i had to say, which was accusations of their wrong, and left the gym. Ive abandoned pride as a concept, so all that’s left is literally protecting the body my soul houses and that my brain is connected to.

As hard as it is, because they hate me but secretly love me, they’re trying to convince me. That the pain was necessary for the pain ive caused others.

But you dont know me. But thats the greatest lie. N when someone tells me they do know me, it usually is a trap because they know i need that the most, freedom from the lies of these lives.

Ive had people ive helped turn on me after giving them part of me. The money is material, the principle is what matters. Maybe others were warning me of them. Or either i was too forgiving. Probably both. I hate hints because whereas others see hints n take it n run, my hints are mixed w lies and deceit by those who dont want me to get a hint. And shamelessly they yell at me to “take a hint” after disembodying me and my mind and confusing me. Cruel game, karma.

I need some new frames. I guess i’ll become for eyes again. Maybe i should dress more like a f*g that i’m called, which is me just dressing how i want to. Crop tops, dresses, skirts. Blouses, womens pants, etc.

But why was my own life used to attack my own story while ur narrating it?

Megan the stallions song w pokey sauce n other dude really spoke to me. And boy am i hot. Imma hottie ig. But dont want the clique. I need the love tho. So i’ll stay to myself n enjoy the simplicities of being the simp i am

Do not pose w me w a smile for me to see later n then people assume by picture that it was love. Show ur true face when ur in the picture. So that when i see it later, i’ll remember how u lied n not have to scowl at the fake smile u put on around me.

Was it all a set up? Cuz i dont talk to no one that was at that party anymore. Which one? U decide.

¡’m hurt. . Thanks°

[saintjunya]

I never asked for a lot of things. Yet i was called gifted.

These aren’t even my words, just the ones that attack u the most because u failed me on purpose but i passed all my classes w straight A’s

I guess im using u… right?

[saintjunya]

Don’t stress it. It’s just temporary

[saintjunya]

[saintjunya]

2O22