#and maybe feeling convinced people think i’m lying is also some sort of paranoia. but also like. idk. erm.

[iksydk]

idk i don’t think im bipolar i think it might be schizoaffective depressive type but in order to know i would have to speak to a psychiatrist and be actually honest in a way that will destroy their ability to trust what i say about myself because honestly i shouldn’t be trusted bc i want to be left alone and i don’t want to share the details of my thoughts or get into explaining the split i feel bc like. it wouldn’t mean anything really to them anyways it all sounds like im lying anyways bc i can’t expand when they ask bc i literally don’t have more words than that. im paranoid all the time and i hear snippets of conversations and i know they’re talking to me, photographs are looking at me, songs are playing for me to get a message from them, the numbers in the lottery mean something, and i know all of this because it’s self evident. the messages reinforce the message. and i know all of that is considered either overvalued ideas or delusions depending on how much i believe them and it’s like the only time i can tell people what i believe is when i don’t feel fully there and like i have to talk about something and that’s the only thing i can think about.

[peralta-guaranteed]

hc of jake and amy hand holding before dating (i’m convinced they did a few times before they ever dated) and also in the beginning of their relationship + getting teased by the squad 🥰

(this has definitely turned out far more emotional than you’d probably thought, anon, but I don’t make the rules when it comes to fic inspiration)

Amy Santiago is sitting in a booth at Shaw’s, laughing at something one of her friends has said, and she feels a warm hand slip into hers under the table. Jake Peralta is laughing next to her, too, but then he’s also smiling at her only, and his hand wrapped around hers squeezes three times. It hits her like a brick to the face, those three little squeezes. She finally understands them.

-*-

He’s lying in a hospital bed, and Amy thinks she’s never seen something more unsettling than a quiet Jake Peralta. The only sound in the room is the beeping of some monitors he’s hooked up to, and the only movement is his chest rising slow and steady. Something it didn’t do about two hours ago, when she was kneeling over him in some alley and screaming while the medics finally arrived and brought him back. It was a fairly ‘minor’ injury in the end, one bullet wound that the doctor’s had to close up, but it had hit some sort of vein that was important and that lost a lot of blood and that stopped his heart for the few moments she remembers stretching like hours in her mind. She doesn’t remember much else, especially not the medic’s or doctor’s explanations. They’d taken her along in the ambulance, because she was his partner, and she was allowed to sit in the hospital room he was recovering in now, because she was his emergency contact, too. She could’ve been nothing after today. Because the bullet from that gun wasn’t aimed at Jake before he pushed her to the side.

Amy looks down at her hands, folded in her lap, pinching each other to remind her she’s awake, she’s here, and so is Jake. Not awake, but here. Still here. They’re squeaky clean, her hands, because she’s spent a good fifteen minutes in the hospital public toilets scrubbing them free of his blood after he was rushed into surgery and she was left behind, alone in the waiting room, her sensible grey pantsuit coloured red all over her arms. She had a list of things to do in her head - contact Captain McGintley to follow the chain of command, and Terry so something would actually get done. Figure out how and who can transport Peralta home and take care of him, if he gets to go home. (He will. He has to. She will take him.) Call Rosa to find out if they booked the perp properly, and that they add assault with a deadly weapon to his rep sheet (not murder, although that’s what he did, that’s what happened). But she couldn’t do any of that, because she was still shaking, her heart was still racing, and all she could see was his blood on her hands, warm and sticky and dark and drying into a rotten brown shade already. So she washed them clean, and then scrubbed some more, and some more, until she felt as red and raw as the wound in his chest had looked in the ambulance when they got his shirt off. (The jacket of her suit is rotting away in the toilet trashcan now, and she’s shivering ever so slightly in only her short-sleeved blouse, but it is clean and there is not a hint of Jake’s injury anywhere anymore, except in his gaunt cheekbones and the pale colour of his face, and the silence of the room.) His hand twitches while she’s staring at her own, and if it’s instinct or reflex of whatever that makes her reach out and grab it immediately, she doesn’t care. His hand is warm under hers, and it twitches again and then wraps its fingers around her and holds her, steady and calm. He blinks awake, a little disoriented, but then he focuses on her and - smiles.

“You’re okay.” He says, and that’s what breaks her in the end.

She doesn’t outright sob or anything, but she does let her head drop so her hair is hiding her face, hiding the tears he doesn’t need to see first thing after waking up from literal death. She feels his hand pull on her to make her look at him, though, and she can’t deny him, even if her tear-streaked face is probably not a good view.

“Hey, no- don’t-” He rasps, his voice still coming back, “I’m okay too.”

She laughs through her tears, a short little snort, but it helps calm her down - and him too, it seems, because he smiles again.

“You’re far more than just okay, Peralta.” She smiles back, and feels his hand tighten around hers, three little, but distinct squeezes.

-*-

She shouldn’t feel this nervous. She’s a cop, a detective. A good one. She’s done this before, and it’s never been nice, but it’s always something she’s gotten through.

But she fears tomorrow’s court date more than anything else in her life right now, which is why she’s trying to drown the thought of it at Shaw’s. The hangover will probably not be helpful with her witness statement that could possibly make or break this ruling, but her panic demands more alcohol. However, the next beer she orders at the bar is intercepted by a larger, more calloused hand than hers.

“Alright, Santiago, that last one was your sixth, and I really don’t need to deal with Seven Drink Amy tonight.” Jake says as he settles down next to her, hands the beer over to Rosa, who leaves them alone at the bar before Amy can whine and complain.

“I need that drink, Jake. It’s my only friend right now.” 

“We both know that’s just Six Drink Sadmy speaking.” He pats her arm as she spreads out over the slightly sticky bartop and whines some more.

“You’re worried about tomorrow.” He continues, reading her thoughts like he sometimes does, which is such an annoying thing he can do. His hand is still on her arm. “You don’t have to be.”

“That girl’s entire life is at stake. And the gang boss is going to kill me and her if he gets off-”

“He’s not going to get off. Not if you tell them exactly what you told the lawyers taking your written statement.”

“Says you.”

“Says Sofia.” There’s a weight to those words that hits her stomach, and it’s only partially the fact that a damn defense attorney is on her side. The other part of why those words from the woman Jake started dating just recently hurt her, she doesn’t want to think about. “Look, I’m gonna drive you home, you’re gonna take a hot shower to detox, then you’re gonna get your perfect 8 hours of sleep, show up at court tomorrow in your best, darkest pant suit, and rock this like you rock everything else.” His hand has wandered down her arm to her hand, now, flips it over to hold it, and it’s pure coincidence that their fingers spread and interlock, surely. “Okay?” He asks one more time, and she sighs.

“Teddy can pick me up-”

“Teddy’s at that conference, remember.”

Oh, right. Something that had been lost to memory between drink three and four, the fact that her boyfriend had booked himself into a seminar the week the court date was announced. It’s a really good one, he’d said, if she wasn’t already busy he would’ve asked her to join, too. Already busy. Regular Amy doesn’t get punchy a lot, and maybe it’s her closeness to Seven Drink Amy right now that makes her want to knock him out for that, but she felt that way when she helped him pack his luggage two days ago too, and she was stonecold sober then.

“Okay.” She nods and tries to get off of the barstool, wobbles quite heavily. “Take me home, Peralta.”

He snorts a laugh and obviously swallows down some sort of joke as he pulls her into a standing position, their hands still locked together. She thinks she imagines it at first, but even after she’s sobered up the next day, she remembers those three short, tight, almost painful squeezes before he let go and steered her to his car.

She doesn’t have much time to think about it, or about how she basically held hands with her best friend while both of their partners were out of town, either. Or how he helped her into her apartment and waited until she was showered and had downed some water and aspirin before tucking her into bed. She can’t think about any of that, because she has to get ready for court.

And when she sits down in the witness’ chair, the gang boss on the bench before her staring her down with murder in his eyes, she notices a set of dress blues in the otherwise thin crowd of people who were allowed in to watch the trial. Three rows down, Jake gives her a silent thumbs up when their eyes meet, and she feels the phantom of his hand again, squeezing hers three times before she begins to speak.

-*-

They’re gonna die. She’s certain. They’re gonna die in here, in this cramped little closet, wedged between some industrial shelving and a broken down sink.

Jake had pulled her in and locked the door behind him, squished her against the wall and himself against the door, and killed the radio on her shoulder as well as his own. The last thing they’d heard crackling through it was “four officers down”. Someone had fallen behind her when she ran for safety, and for a second she thought it had been Jake. That he was standing here now, almost pressed against her in the tight space she would usually panic in, that she could feel his erratic breath on her ear, his racing heart under her hands, was pretty much the only comfort she had left.

She wonders how long it’ll last.

The mission had been an absolute bust. They had expected a gang. They had not expected a well-armed mafia. And now officers were wounded, or dead, and they couldn’t use their radio to find out anything, for fear of being discovered. She can hear gunshots and shouts from further away, and it’s only her paranoia that make them sound as if they're getting closer, but Jake is listening just as intently. Amy thinks of Rosa and Charles, who were on the other side of the building. She thinks of Terry, who’s probably trying to reach any of them by radio from his station in the surveillance van. She thinks of Holt, and can’t see where he might be right now, still next to Terry or commanding whatever backup might be coming in or-

She feels Jake’s hand wrap around hers, still pressed against his chest, and realises that she’s been hyperventilating. If she gets any louder, she’ll give away their position. His forehead against hers is cold, colder than he usually is, clammy with sweat, but the simple pressure of it helps her focus. She can hear him breathe deep, slow, exaggerated, and understands that he’s doing it for her. He probably thinks she’s having a panic attack because of her claustrophobia, or maybe all things at the moment combined. He’s not that far off. She breathes with him, feels the air from their exhales swirl between the few spaces were they don’t connect. There aren’t many. If she looks up, she could kiss him. She’s not quite that sure that she’s going to die in here anymore, but she would definitely hate herself if she did and never found out what that felt like, or if her last kiss on Earth was really from Teddy the night before they broke up. But when she moves her head, she meets his eyes instead, pupils blown wide in the darkness around them. He looks scared and terrified, and his heart under their combined hands is still racing, and the last thing he needs is for Amy to confuse him before they go out in a hail of bullets, action-movie-style, which he’d probably love if it wasn’t so real right now. She wants to say something, anything to calm him down, but she can’t speak, and not just because there are footsteps approaching outside their door.

She feels his hand tighten around hers, three times, faster than before. And then he pulls her into a close hug when the door behind his back opens to reveal blinding light, and she realises he’s shielding her, has been ever since he pushed her first into this storage space. He only lets go when they both hear Terry’s voice, and the Captain’s, the first telling them they are safe, the second immediately trying to update them on the situation with the SWAT team. He holds her hand a second longer than the rest of her, and the three squeezes that follow are far softer and slower than the ones before.

-*-

Amy Santiago and Jake Peralta are sitting in a booth at Shaw’s, laughing at something one of their friends has said, and she feels his hand slip into hers under the table. For only a split second, she’s tempted to pull her hand away. It’s still so new and shaky and unsure, their whole thing, yet at the same time it isn’t. It’s been growing for so long, between them and around them, it feels like it’s always been there. But the rest of the squad is still pulling excited faces whenever they get a little closer, Charles still squeals at every mention of their ‘evenings together’, and Rosa has rolled her eyes so hard she almost strained a muscle the first time she heard Amy refer to Jake as ‘babe’ in front of her. It’s all a little bit embarrassing, and sometimes she wishes they’d stuck to just one of their rules, of not telling anyone until they figure it out. But then she wonders, what was there left to figure out? She was with Jake, and she wanted to be with Jake, and deep down, she could see none of that change at any point in time. Forever, possibly.

Charles is still talking, riding the wave of getting their laugh, but then Jake’s smiling at her only, and his hand wrapped around hers squeezes three times. It hits her like a brick to the face, those three little squeezes. She finally understands them. She remembers them from before, from tense moments and situations of fear, from where he’s been there for her at the worst parts. Holding on tight and feeling the three little bursts of pressure, only wondering a long time later if he did it on purpose, or if it was some sort of reflex.

She feels it again now, and she can finally hear it.

I. Squeeze. Love. Squeeze. You. Squeeze.

[fictionplumis]

Fuck it, I’m writing more headcanons I have about Aiden and the Cat School witchers because fuck you, that’s why. 

It goes hand-in-hand with this post here where I first talked about how I see the mutagens affecting them, and I still stand by that but I’ve added more to my thoughts and made things a bit more complex. 

To start with, if I relate anything to a mental illness in a wrong way, please correct me. I am not neurotypical, neither is anyone I know, and I’ve taken a few psych classes, but I’m by no means an expert and the last thing I want to do is contribute to damaging stereotypes and spread misinformation. I also want to say that I’m not necessarily saying it’s any mental illness-like thing that makes Cat witchers the way that they are, but more the lack of knowledge/support/treatment/coping methods combined with the typical shit upbringing of a witcher that makes things so difficult for them. 

So there’s not much we actually do know about this school, not concretely anyway, and we’re also not sure how reliable the narrator is per se, because it’s very possible the stuff we do know about them is just rumors. My headcanon is that yes, most Cats are legitimately dangerous. Given that they act as assassins sometimes, I think their school teaches them to prioritize survival and money over all else, whereas I think School of the Wolf teaches their witchers that their duty is to protect. 

I was RPing with someone once who had this brilliant idea of Cats being taught to take contracts for monster nests, and then killing the monsters but leaving the nests so that when they passed through the next year, they would have another contract. In my version of the Cat School, that would absolutely be in line with their philosophy. In a lot of ways, they’re taught that humans are just another type of monster sometimes. They’re good when they’re paying you, but if they start doing the same shit monsters do, what’s the difference? With their heightened emotions, it means they’re capable of really deep empathy and connection to others, but their school teaches them to use that to manipulate people. Find out what motivates them, what words and phrasing you can use to convince an Alderman out of more coin, what emotions you need to appeal to in order to get a free room for the night, stuff like that. 

So let’s take a look at Karadin real quick. If we’re believing that Aiden is who Lambert says he is, then Karadin is obviously lying about why Aiden died. So what else is he lying about? 

Here’s a guy who was taught to survive above all else, to use his emotions and the emotions of others to manipulate them, who is good at gathering information. Him and his rag-tag group of assassins just took out this guy--reason doesn’t matter, it happened--and now they have a renegade Wolf after them. I doubt Lambert keeps quiet, you know? He wants information on what happened to Aiden, he’s going around pounding on doors and taking names, he’s making a scene. Karadin hears about it, we know that because he expected Lambert to show up. So how can he best protect himself? 

Firstly, cut all ties with his crew. Disband them. Become the guy who was into some bad shit but is now trying to clean up his life. Second, find out about the Wolf hunting them. Again, Lambert’s not exactly quiet. At the very least it wouldn’t be hard to find out that Lambert’s bitter about his life being a witcher, that he feels like his humanity was stolen was from. Why he feels that way doesn’t matter, it’s something Karadin can appeal to. Now he can become something that Lambert can sympathize with. Become the witcher that’s trying to leave the Path, start a family, and find his humanity again. You know about being a slaver, assassin, and wealthy merchant on the side, he has bank. So he pays a widowed mother to live with him, provides her and her kids food and shelter and safety, and all she has to do is pretend to be his lover for a little bit. After the heat cools down and he no longer has a Wolf looming over his shoulder, he can go back to his old life. What’s a couple years of laying low to a witcher, right?  Karadin’s mistake is not realizing that Lambert valued Aiden over any half-assed attempt to get his “humanity” back, and that he trusted and knew Aiden well enough to see through the lie. 

Anyway, that right there is the kind of shit the Cat school teaches. 

This, of course, makes Cats very hard to trust. And in turn, it makes Cats very suspicious of everyone else. If they can lie and manipulate like that, what’s stopping everyone else from doing it? It’s always possible. They don’t trust humans because humans have the tendency to be pretty shit (re: the attack on Stygga), they don’t trust the people in their school because all of those people know how to lie and manipulate just as easily as they do, and they don’t trust other schools look down on them. The one school they reluctantly get along with are the Vipers, because Vipers don’t look down on them. The others, especially the Wolves up in their mountain home? Oh, they’re up on their high horse, believing their way is the only moral way, banning anyone who doesn’t agree with them from the only safe place witchers have left, so fuck them. 

Then you pair this with the emotional instability. They have a hard time keeping their feelings consistent, which means they have a hard time keeping their opinions consistent. So maybe they set up camp somewhere they feel safe and an hour later they’re on edge and uncomfortable, and they can’t imagine how they ever felt safe there, and did they even feel safe there? They can remember they did, but they can’t emotionally connect to that memory now, maybe what they remember was back when they felt safe in a very similar camp, and not this one, they just mistook that memory to be this one. Or they take a contract and they decide, yeah, that’s a fair amount for this, this will be easy, even fun!. And then they do the contract and halfway through they’re like no, this is not fun, how the fuck did I think this would be fun, of course it’s not fun, and by the time they get to collect they’re reward, they’re demanding more but that was not worth the price they originally agreed on, I would never agree to do that for such a low amount. 

So essentially, the emotionally instability makes it very easy for them to gaslight themselves. 

Can’t trust others. Can’t trust themselves. Can’t trust their memories, or their feelings, or the decisions they make because they never know when all those things might change. 

Now let’s throw in paranoia, because the lack of trust is definitely a breeding ground for paranoia. It doesn’t help that people already whisper about and spit at witchers that pass by, but for a Cat on edge, everyone is doing that. That person laughing? Laughing at them. Those people talking? Plotting against them. Make eye contact with someone? What do they want? Is that a weapon? Are they planning something? 

And that right there is why so many Cats snap and go insane. It’s not just them lashing out because their emotions got the best of them, that’s would actually be a very small issue compared to this. This is why the rumor is a Cat that’s gone “feral” as to be killed. They work themselves into psychosis and even if you calm them down from the one instance, it’s nearly impossible to fix the way they now view the world. 

So enter Aiden. 

My headcanon is that he started out like any other Cat from his school. He did a lot of fucked up things because that’s what he was taught and he didn’t realize there was really anything wrong with it. He had no reason to question it, no reason to think his elders had taught him wrong, no reason to focus on anything but making money and staying alive. And then that changed. 

Why that changed is flexible, it could be anything, from something small that his ever-changing emotions conflated into something important that he fixated on, to something that is legitimately pretty life changing. I firmly believe that this thing doesn’t have anything to do with Lambert, though. This is before Lambert. Because the important part about Aiden being a good man, is that it’s something he decided to do on his own first. Then later, when he meets Lambert, Lambert helps him, helps him a lot, but the stuff that Aiden had already taught himself is the stuff that Lambert still needs to learn too, so they help each other. 

In my headcanon, the thing that sparked this for Aiden was the whole “leave the nest so you can come back next year” thing. He didn’t think much of doing it besides job security of sorts, and there was one town with a nekker problem that he popped through a few years straight to rid them of the nests that kept popping up. The people liked him because he was friendly and he took care of their problem every year. Aiden figured he could milk it until another witcher came along and destroyed the nests completely, but until then, their gratitude earned him a bit more coin than a monster nest usually would. And there was the carpenter’s son, who really liked him. Just a this spunky little kid who wasn’t afraid of a witcher, and who babbled to Aiden about being just like his dad when he got older, and who carved Aiden a little wooden sword one year as a thank you. And then Aiden came back through one year and the kid was gone. One of the first victims of the hatched nekkers that year. 

All at once it hit Aiden that his actions and nonactions had consequences. He had no kid babbling at him. The carpenter gave him a smile and a nod, but there was an emptiness to it. He had a mother sobbing into her hands thanking him for getting rid of the monsters that killed her son, unaware that it was his fault for leaving the nest in the first place. 

That gets Aiden to not only look at his own actions, but the actions of his school. At what motivates his brothers and sisters. How accountable they are for their actions. How aware they are of the damage it sometimes does. Whether or not they even care. And by looking at that, he sees the downward spiral that so many other Cats take, and he uses his high emotional intelligence and empathy to figure out why that happens, because he doesn’t want it to happen to him. So he has these coping mechanisms. Some are for the strong flashes of emotions that spark up and overwhelm him, but others are things for every day maintenance. He journals a lot. Writes down his circumstances, his feelings towards his circumstances, why he feels that way, the things he’s noticing, he writes down as much as he can so that if his feelings change and he has a hard time grasping how he felt differently before, he can go back and read it. It’s physical proof, right there, that his memories aren’t wrong. He did feel that way. Doesn’t now, but he did, and he can trust that he did because it’s right there. Then he can write down how his feelings have changed, and why they changed, and everything he can think of so he has another record of the situation if he needs to reference it. 

It helps a lot, especially when he reads back over everything from months ago. It helps him become more comfortable with just letting himself feel his emotions without getting as frustrated by all the changes, or stressed out at the idea that they will change. Because they always do, and it’s not always bad, he’s been through it before and he’s gotten on pretty well despite it. The fear he’s feeling at that time will change too, the frustration will change, he won’t always feel bad and yes, he’ll eventually stop feeling good but he’ll also always return to feeling good again eventually. 

Lambert helps him find some consistency, because out of everything, Lambert’s the one thing Aiden has never changed his mind about. Even when he’s angry and frustrated at Lambert, he still cares so fucking much. And the Wolf is always worth it. It’s this one point of consistency that Aiden doesn’t really need to function but holy fuck does it help. 

Meanwhile Lambert will start in about something, be keyed up and ranting while Aiden just calmly hums and watches him pace until Lambert tosses up his hands like, “I don’t even know why this pisses me off so much!” 

And Aiden blinks and goes, “Maybe it’s not just this issue that’s pissing you off. Maybe you’re also upset about other things. Does this remind you something similar that upset you, or has anything happened recently that this is adding to?” 

And Lambert doesn’t fucking know. How is he supposed to know what else he might be upset about? Lots of things upset him! And this is just like a million other situations, how is he supposed to know if one of those is similar enough to also be upsetting him right now?  “Well... Have you tried writing it down?”  “Have I tried what now?”  “Writing it down. You know. With a quill, in a book. A record of sorts, if you will. Of times you feel upset. So you can go back and read it to help you figure out what might be contributing to how upset you are currently.” 

The fact that Aiden says it with all the patience of someone talking to a child makes Lambert immediately dismiss the idea until the next time he gets pissed and he’s like fuck it, whatever, I’m buying a damn journal or whatever. And he does. And he writes down what he’s feeling, and is reluctant to admit that it makes him feel a little bit better, so maybe he does it a few more times, and then something else pisses him off and he writes that down too and then decides to flick back to the other pages and what do you fucking know, it’s kind of like that other time he was pissed. Not exactly, but he reads this one little detail that matches with his current situation that just agitates him to even read it and he’s like huh. I guess I really don’t like it when people say that. Yeah, you know what? I absolutely fucking hate it when people say that. The entire situation pisses me off, sure, but I wouldn’t be nearly as pissed if that guy didn’t say what he did!

Anyway. 

I don’t know a good way to end this but yeah there’s more of my thoughts on Aiden and the Cat School. Maybe I’ll write about headcanons regarding how I see school traits matching with the animal the school is based off of, because I see those headcanons often and while I agree with some, I’m picky and I do it differently.

[ethelphantom]

Form A Family Of Our Own

Just silliness and fluff and lots of romance and attempts at humour here, and absolutely no angst. You’re welcome! It’s a continuation to the Timari Soulmates Secret Santa I created for @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry, though I’m just skipping things in the chronological order (aka the BartAdrien reveal but we all knew that was going to happen so it’s fine. This is also my Maribat March day 9, Sleepover at the same time. Have fun!

Ao3 | Part 1 | Part 2

This is Maribat -- don’t like; don’t read

_____________________

“Does everyone have everything they need? No one needs to use Mari to use the puppy eyes to get Dick to go to the store?”

Marinette laughed at Tim’s words while the others shook their heads. They had checked they had everything at least thrice already, it wasn’t going to change no matter how many times he wanted them to make sure of it. When Tim still didn’t look convinced, Marinette simply grabbed his wrist and stroked the skin with her thumb to help him calm down, just like he sometimes did for her.

After all, touching your soulmate’s mark would always be a comforting feeling.

Tim’s shoulders slumped a little as he relaxed before he turned to her and smiled gently. Marinette recognised this as a silent thank you, and so she beamed in response.

“Are we ready to ruin everyone else’s day now?” Conner then asked, leaning against the doorframe. He seemed to be trying to look relaxed and not in the least excited for this, but they all knew better, considering he seemed to be itching to go do just that.

“Oh yeah. I’ve got the cameras and the scavenger lists. Two teams of three, soulmates in the opposite—” Cassie began, but after she got the puppy face from both Bart and Adrien, she sighed in resignation. “Fine, soulmates in the same team. This is why I’m not supposed to look at either of them while giving orders. Damn it.”

Tim rolled his eyes. All of their friends were idiots (“Like you aren’t as well,” an accusing voice said in his head, and it was a bit concerning how much it sounded like Marinette), but they were also the best — Tim wouldn’t change them for the world.

“I love how the rule is supposed to be ‘no metas in Gotham’, but we’re getting like three metas and two that technically count as metas because Miraculous coming anyway to the home of the one that actually originally set said rule in place,” Adrien mused, remembering what he’d been told at some point after the reveal. And after they had already met Cassie.

Marinette let out an amused laugh. “Oh yeah. Anyway. Could someone please get our bags to the Manor so we can just start with the scavenger hunt?”

“On it!”

There was a flash as all their bags, Conner and Bart disappeared and Cassie took out a clock. She watched it tick for a few seconds before she lifted her gaze again to find her missing friends. “You’re slow. It took you two nearly ten seconds. We’re not even outside the city boundaries, boys.”

“Well, fuck you too, we were carrying five bags each because some of us don’t know how to pack small.”

Cassie simply flipped Conner off before she handed him a scavenger list. “You wanna be with Tim and Mari or Bart and Adrien? I’m fine with either one, just decide fast.”

“Bart. And Adrien, I guess.”

“HEY! ”

Idiots, the lot of them.

It didn’t take them long to sort out into teams and get to the centre of the city. Mari, Tim and Cassie stood on one side, looking down at the people that were all a lot taller than them. Mari cocked her hips and tilted her head, her dark blue sundress following the movement.

“Oh, you’re going down, Chaton.”

“I don’t think so, Buginette — I’m not sacrificing my win even if I’d sacrifice my life for you.”

“Okay, too far too soon, go away.”

Their lists were as followed:

Ask a cashier for the nutritional value of an inedible thing

Act like a stranger were famous and ask for their autograph

+1 if you can get them to take a picture with you

Offer a stranger a penny for their thoughts

Ask a stranger to sign your petition against the euthanasia of rabid puppies

+1 if you can get them to sign your palm

Lie in the grass next to a road and pretend to be making snow angels

Ask the opposite gender if they believe in fate

Ask a stranger where the closest local Christmas festival is

+1 if/when they say they don’t know, ask them how else do they appease the gods

Ask if you can get a discount on a thing that costs less than a dollar

+1 if you pronounce it horribly wrong

+1 if you buy the product with pennies

Ask a stranger if they have seen your cat and proceed to describe a full-grown tiger

Knock on someone’s door and sing them a Christmas song

+1 if the person is a stranger

+1 if you sing Frozen’s Let It Go after you’ve said you’re going to sing a Christmas song

Fake a cheesy proposal in a public place

Ask a cashier if dentists recommend using a toothbrush

Ask a cashier if they have healthy cigarettes

+1 if they say no, you yell “you’re lying” and run away dramatically

Ask a stranger if they can see anyone and point to an empty spot

“You’ve got two hours. The clock starts now,” Tim announced, set an alarm in their group chat so everyone would hear, and then they were all running to get things done.

❋❋❋

“Alright, Bart, go on. You’re the first.”

“You’re not allowed to complain if you wanted to do the same thing, then.”

“Remember, if it involves talking with someone, you can’t be going on your own pace, especially not with a civilian! The camera won’t be able to catch it!”

“Well, your cameras suck!”

With a blink, Bart was standing in front of a door and knocked on it. Adrien, who was right behind Kon, had to contain his laughter somehow because he knew that to Bart whoever lived there was taking ages, even if it was less than a minute — and thus bearable — to him.  

When the door was finally opened, Bart immediately started speaking. “Hello, are you interested in hearing Christmas carols?”

“...In the middle of the summer?”

“I know what I said.”

“Uh, no thank you. Have a nice day.”

Bart returned to them pouting. “They didn’t even give me a chance. I’m not that horrible of a singer,” he huffed, crossing his arms.

Adrien took Bart’s hand in his own and pressed a light kiss on his fingers. “Don’t worry, we still have plenty of time, and I doubt it was because of your singing voice. It’s just a weird thing to ask this time of the year. Try again.”

He did. Fortunately for Bart, the next-door neighbour opened their door much faster than the previous one.

“Hiya, are you interested in hearing Christmas carols?”

“Now?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I guess. Sure, go ahead.”

And then Bart proceeded to sing Let It Go off-key. The person listening to him even applauded his singing and gave him a candy (that Kon forced him to throw away or at least not eat until Tim could do a check up on it in case someone was trying to poison him or something. The Bat paranoia was getting to all of them.) It was fun.

“So, three points for us. That was a great start, Bart!” Adrien said, checking the boxes on the list. “You did film it, right Kon?”

“Obviously. I wouldn’t accidentally not. Hold the camera, Adrien. We’re going to a shop now and annoy the heck out of everyone. Tim is so not going to be happy when he realises some of us might get banned from the shop forever,” he snickered.

“I’m already feeling sorry for the employees.”

“At least we aren’t about to be assholes, really.”

“No, just weird as hell. Maybe they’ll get a story or two to tell others and discuss in the break room when they’re talking about the weirdest and worst customers they’ve had.”

“Do they really do that?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Damn.”

It didn’t take them too long to arrive at the store. Adrien and Bart went in first, pretending to be actually considering buying something when Kon came in and looked around for a moment. Then he walked to an unsuspecting employee. “Excuse me, do you have any of those clairvoyance foes? I was thinking of getting one.”

“I must ask you to repeat what you asked for, sir, I’m afraid I didn’t quite catch it,” the woman working said.

“It’s alright. I meant classical woes.”

“I’m so sorry, sir, I must say I don’t understand what exactly you mean by that.”

“Clarification folds, miss.”

“Oh, do you perhaps mean classification folders?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”

“...Of course, sir. Yes, we do have those. Do you want me to show you where they are, or would you like me to just point you in the correct direction, sir?”

“If you could show me where they are, that would be great.”

“Of course, sir. This way.”

The woman led him through the shop as Kon glanced behind himself and saw Adrien following them from a safe distance. Bart looked like he was practically vibrating, like he wanted to do something, but all he could do was jerking aborted movements. Actually, scratch that, he probably was vibrating. Of course.

“Here they are. Is there anything else I could help you with?”

“Is it possible to get a discount on these?”

“I— I’m afraid not, sir, but they’re only a dollar so…”

“That’s fine. Thank you for your help anyway.”

“It was no problem.”

Once the woman was gone, Adrien and Bart walked to him. “Oh my kwami, I pity her so much. I’m genuinely sorry she had to deal with you and I’m kind of considering going to find her and give her a tip for dealing with you,” Adrien snorted after he cut off the filming. “I don’t even care that’s not a custom in stores, I still want to do it.”

Bart laughed. “I’m gonna go do just that if you give me some money.”

Adrien did. He gave him twenty dollars. He could almost feel Wayzz shaking his head at the two of them even despite the fact Wayzz was with Marinette at the very moment.

“I hope you’re ready to keep recording cuz I ain’t done yet,” Kon said, earning an eye roll from Adrien.

“Sure. Let’s do this.”

Adrien kept his distance while they were walking to the checkout, Bart appearing next to him at some point. Adrien bumped his shoulder against Bart’s to express he knew he was there, the act soon returned. A smile made its way to his lips. They only started paying attention to what Kon was doing when they heard him speaking to the cashier.

“Excuse me, mister, but what is the nutritional value of this thing?”

“I’m sorry to inform you, but folders aren’t edible.”

“I am aware. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t have nutritional value.”

“I’m afraid I don���t know what it is, sir. I’d only be able to find out if they had given me a list, but unfortunately, they did not.”

“Oh, alright. Well, I’d like to purchase it anyway.”

“That makes one dollar.”

“Sure, wait a second.”

Kon pulled out his wallet and went through his money, counting it silently and quickly. Then he offered the cashier a handful of coins — all of them pennies. The disbelieving face on the cashier’s face, as he started counting, was miserable and a little sad to see, but no helping it now. Thankfully the product only cost a dollar, it didn’t take him that long to do it.

After paying, he went back to the end of the line, waited it, and asked the same person if they had healthy cigarettes. The cashier looked rather resigned at that point but stayed polite and told him that no, they didn’t have those because those didn’t really exist, and “are you sure you’re old enough in the first place?”

Kon gasped loudly. “You’re lying!” he yelled and ran dramatically out. The other customers didn’t even pay attention to him as if it was just another day. It probably was. This was Gotham, after all. Bart and Adrien made their way out behind him, slipping a twenty-dollar bill to the man behind the checkout and quickly apologised he had to deal with that, “please accept this.”

Then they were out and laughing, even if still feeling bad for doing it.

“Mari would kill me if she had to see that, honestly. She used to do this at their bakery and god, the stories she sometimes tells me,” Adrien said, shaking his head. “I hope that paying for them for suffering because of us was good enough. I don’t really know what else I could have done to compensate for having to deal with us.”

“No one does!” Bart told him before he snatched the camera from him. “Go on, your turn, Sunflower!”

The nickname was kind of fitting — blond hair and being a bit taller than Bart tended to do that. Adrien blushed a little at the pet name and then forced himself to get his thoughts back on the trail.

He buried his head in his hands before taking a look at the list. Then he grinned, getting a wonderful idea. Hopefully, he wouldn’t hurt anyone by doing it. If he was lucky (for once, considering he was the Bad Luck incarnated), he would end up finding someone who would ake it more as a joke.

Stopping someone who didn’t look like she was in any hurry, Adrien asked, “Excuse me, but do you believe in fate?”

“Yeah, I guess. Why?” she responded. Adrien visibly slumped in relief.

“Oh thank god.”

“...What is it.”

“My soulmate and I were just arguing about it a second ago and I needed a new opinion. Now I can tell him he’s very very wrong, and that we clearly belong together ”

The girl looked at him like he was a ghost. For a second, Adrien was afraid he’d hurt her feelings and was ready to apologise, but then she burst out laughing and doubled over.

“Oh my god. That’s wonderful and so hilarious! God, I was afraid you were about to flirt with me, dude, but that’s so much better. I wish you and your soulmate the best of luck. Buy him his favourite food, maybe he’ll then accept that you’re meant to be,” she said smiling and winked. Then she punched him lightly in the arm. “Go on, dude, your perfect happy ending is waiting for you!”

Adrien could feel a wide smile spread on his face. “Thanks, I will! You go get your happy ending as well, whether you’ll find it in a passion, person or a pet!” They exchanged numbers and names (her name was Zoanne, and Adrien had a feeling they’d become good friends over time), both excited about it, and parted in good spirits. Adrien waved to her as he walked to where Bart was staring at them.

Once he actually paid attention to how both Conner and Bart looked like (staring at him, Conner not even focusing on the camera), he tilted his head and arched his eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Dude.”

“What?”

“Duuuudde.”

“What?”

“Only you. Only you could make a friend while doing a scavenger hunt task and basically also pranking her. Wow.”

Adrien just shrugged. He wondered how the girls and Tim were doing.

❋❋❋

Tim was the only one of them who still had any sense of shame or embarrassment at this point (and they’d already completed most of the points on the list between the two young women), but he was determined to win and actually do something for the win as well so he wouldn’t be able to care. Soon enough, he was walking up to a stranger as Marinette was filming.

“Excuse me, miss, but have you seen my cat? She’s a sweetheart and I lost her when I was out with my friends.”

“Oh, you have a cat? I’m sorry, I don’t think so, but what does she look like? I could try to pay attention in hopes to see her later.”

“She’s a beautiful orange with white in her face, chest, belly and the underside of her tail, she’s about this tall,” he put his hand at about his waist, “and she’s got a lot of black stripes. Also, she’s a bit loud when she decides she wants to talk, but it’s not that bad.”

The woman backed off slowly as he was talking with a concerned look on her face. She was gone before Tim finished talking.

Marinette shook her head fondly and placed the camera in Tim’s hands as he returned. “Have fun trying not to laugh behind the camera!”

She wondered around like she was looking for something worriedly. When someone came to ask her what was wrong, she internally congratulated herself.

“Well, Monsieur, I was looking for the nearest local Christmas festival. Do you know where one might be?” she asked, looking innocently at him. “I really do need to find one, preferably close.”

“In July? Yeah, I don’t think I know where one would be at this time of the year.”

Marinette adopted a horrified expression on her face. “But— But— How do you appease the gods you might have angered, then?”

“The what?”

“The gods, obviously.”

“What gods?”

“Those,” she said and pointed behind the man. When the man turned around, he was greeted by the violet eyes of the fox god of mischief and trickery as well as the orange eyes of the pink tiger goddess of stealth and the brown eyes of the small but way too enthusiastic monkey god of jubilation. On any other occasion, she wouldn’t let civilians see kwamii, but this was an exception and she had Wayzz hide them from the view of every other person that didn’t know of their existence already, so it was fine. The most likely case was, the man would forget about meeting the kwamii or think of it as a hallucination of sorts later on.

When the man looked back to where Marinette had been, she was already gone. It was too much fun to mess with people a little bit. She knew the kwamii would be following her and perfectly capable of keeping themselves hidden when she told them so, so she didn’t worry about them.

Cassie snickered as Tim signed she was done filming. “That was amazing. I’ll go next!”

She walked to another stranger, Tim and Mari following her from a distance. Tim already had his camera recording. “Oh my god!” she gasped when she noticed a young person standing alone at the corner of a clothing shop. “It’s you! God, I never thought I’d meet you in real life!” When she ran to them and jumped a little as though she was excited, she also let out a squeal.

The person looked at her weirdly. “Excuse me? Have we met?”

“No, but now we have and it’s the most amazing thing! I’m such a huge fan. Can I please have your autograph? I want to show all my friends I met you!”

“Uhh…. Sure.”

Cassie handed them a piece of paper and a pen (which, where did she even get them?) and watched in anticipation as they wrote their name on it. Then she pulled out her phone. “Could I take a selfie with you? Please? I’m not going to put it all over the social media if you want to keep your whereabouts private, but I just want a picture.”

The person seemed to be already done with her, and probably guessed that this was the quickest way to get rid of her. They agreed and crouched a little to fit in the same picture easily. Cassie did a little peace sign, acting her role of an enthusiastic fan with all her heart. It took Tim and Mari their everything to keep from laughing.

When Cassie returned to them, flipping her hair, Tim handed her the camera. “Film this as closely as you can,” he said in passing and walked where there were as many people as possible, to the park nearby, Marinette and Cassie following in his wake. When Marinette was close enough, he made his way to her and swiped strands of hair behind her ear.

“Marinette, my dear, I love you more than anything in this world, you know that, right?” At Marinette’s slow but still a little confused nod, he continued. “I’ve thought about this long and hard, and I’ve decided I would like to take the next big step in our relationship,” he said loud enough for the people nearby to hear.  

“Every time I look in your eyes, I get a peaceful feeling. When I am around you, everything seems perfect. I promise that I will always be there for you in whatever you do and support you in ups and downs as long as I live. You give my life meaning and make it worth living. You’re the shoulder I can always trust to be there for me to lean on when I need it, you’re the one who I can always count on to be by my side. You were made for me, and I was made for you, and no matter what our souls are made of, mine and yours are the same.” Tim took a deep breath and looked at Marinette, whose eyes seemed to be glimmering as she bit her lip.

“In case you ever foolishly forget this one truth, let me declare it out loud for you, in front of all these people who are here to witness this: I am always thinking about you. I want to form a family of our own with you. Your words are written on my skin for the world to see who I belong to, a reminder for you should you ever doubt it. Feel free to doubt this world — doubt the stars are fire; Doubt that the Sun does move; doubt the truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love. I certainly have never had even a moment’s doubt of that. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. You’re the answer to all those lonely prayers at night when I wished for someone to be there one day, and every day I thank God or Fate or whoever gave me you that you’re here now.”

By then Marinette was openly crying and she had covered her mouth with her hands, but Tim kept on going. He was not done, and he was determined to make this proposal the cheesiest he possibly could. As the CEO of Wayne Enterprises, people were bound to notice, and he only had one shot at it. “And I will love you against all odds in this world. Let me defy fate, let me defy stars. Let me defy everyone and anyone who may deny love, who may deny our love. Above all, you are my love, you are my stars, you’re my galaxy.” Tim lowered himself on the ground, now on one knee in front of his soulmate, his Marinette. He produced a ring box from his pocket and held it open for her. “So, as my best friend and the love of my life, will you be my one and only or my everything?”

“Are you— Is this for real?” Marinette whispered, tears glimmering on her eyelashes and staining her cheeks. Tim nodded, biting his lip. He knew it was one of the things on the scavenger list, so he hoped Marinette wouldn’t take this as only one of them.

Marinette swallowed and smiled brightly. “Yes!” she breathed out and fell on her knees next to Tim, not really caring if the action had her scrape her knees. Tim placed the ruby ring with a diamond halo on her ring finger and pressed a kiss on her fingers before Marinette lost her patience, cupped his face and kissed him on the lips.

When they broke apart, they could hear the cheering of the crowd. Tim looked to the side to Cassie who gave him a thumbs-up, the camera still in hand, probably recording as well. Bart, Conner, Adrien and the entire family, as well as Jagged and Penny, were all standing behind them. Thank god he’d half-planned this and told them to get themselves over there at a specific time and to stay behind Cassie so they wouldn’t bother or distract him.  

Adrien just ran to Marinette once they locked eyes and hugged her, congratulating her for the engagement. Bart slapped Tim’s back and did the same. When Tim got nothing from Conner, he raised his eyebrow because there was no way Conner stayed quiet about this without a very good reason.

“What is it.”

“Well. Technically, this can’t be counted as a point since you didn’t fake a proposal.”

“Fuck off.”

“You know I’m right.”

“Go away you overgrown toddler with too many leather jackets.”

“That’s such a creative insult you’ve got there, Timmy. Sounds like you had it memorised, even. How long have you been waiting for a time to use it?”

Tim just stuck out his tongue at Kon as Marinette and Cassie laughed at them.

Kwami, did Mari love her friends (and fiancé — she was never getting over being able to call him that.)

❋❋❋

“Alright. We gotta do something that is like, something people do at actual sleepovers,” Cassie announced as she flopped down on the mattress they had dragged into the biggest guestroom in the Manor they could find. The mattresses were all in a circle around their snacks so that it would be easy for them to talk and eat. Two of the mattresses were also bigger so Marinette could share with Tim and Bart could share his with Adrien. “I don’t know, like, trade secrets or gossip or… Oh, I know! Let’s play Never Have I Ever!”

The sly smirk on Cassie’s face did little to assure Mari or Tim this was a safe idea, but they were going to do it anyway, weren’t they.

“You did bring the shot glasses, didn’t you, Kon? Get them out, like, now. We gotta do this properly! And Adrien, you got the tequila, right? Please tell me it’s not flavoured.”

Adrien took out the bottles from his bag. “They are flavoured. Coconut, mango and chipotle.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.”

Marinette saw it as a good moment to butt in. “Yeah, that works. Tim, choose the flavour.” She looked at her beloved next to her, poking his side when he didn’t answer.

“Huh? Oh. Uh, mango?”

“Alright, we’re going with that then. Adrien, can you please open the bottle?”

He did, and the game began. To the surprise of exactly no one, Cassie was the one to start. “Never have I ever ‘cleaned up’ by piling everything into a closet or pushing everything under my bed.”

She smiled as Tim, Bart and Marinette reached for the bottle with various states of grumbling, filling their glasses and downing them.

This evening was definitely going to end with them drunk. The only reason some of them wouldn’t be was if they were simply damn tolerant, which was basically what all of them except for Tim were — Adrien and Marinette because of the long use of the miraculous, Cassie because she was half goddess and technically an Amazon, Bart simply because of his fast digestion (damned Speedster), and well. Kon was Kon.

This was not going to end well, now was it.

“Alright, I’ll go next. Never have I ever lied to a police officer,” Adrien said. Marinette looked at him like he was crazy before it turned sour as she reached out for the bottle once again at the same time as the rest of them did. “Wait, how have you all lied to a police officer?”

“Well, Kitty, it might be because half of the police officers were corrupt in Paris during Papillon's time of reign, and it was simply safer. That's one thing. A better question would be, how have you never lied to a police officer?”

Tim rested his head on Marinette’s shoulder as he explained his own reasoning. “Then there's the fact my brother happens to be a police officer. I've totally lied to him multiple times. Same with Commissioner Gordon at least once or twice.”

The rest of them nodded along. “Yup, lied to Nightwing, which means, lied to Police Officer Grayson. No regrets, 5/5, would recommend, he's too much of a mother hen sometimes,” Cassie stated.

It was probably good she stated it then and not a minute later, because only a moment after that, the door flew open and Jason marched in. Marinette and Tim buried their heads in their hands or the mattress, Adrien just shook his head, and the three others were staring at Jason like this was somehow that much of a surprise. A minute later, a mattress was pushed inside the room as well.

“Hey kids!” he yelled as he settled in and had Cassie, and Bart and Adrien move themselves away from one another so he could push his mattress between them.

“Jason, what are you doing here.”

The deadpan question shot at him was said in a tone with such an irritated undertone that Jason mock-winced.

“Well. Our dick of a brother—” Jason motioned at himself and Tim, “—sent me here to be a babysitter for a bunch of kids over the fragile age of 21.”

“Dick! ”

Dick looked inside from the door and immediately got thrown pillows at. He scrunched up his nose and looked at them with disappointment. That got him six disappointed eyes staring at him from around the room. “Well, you can’t actually blame me! There are two couples sleeping in the same room and oh my god also on the same mattresses and I am worried and concerned and this is my safety measure to make sure we get no babies after this night.”

“You do know Tim and I are getting married, right?”

“Precisely, you just made my point.”

“Besides, we wouldn’t do it in the same room with these guys anyway, and also Bart and Adrien can’t get children because neither has a womb?”

“Still.”

Marinette sighed. “Fine. As long as you stay away for the rest of the night. At least Jace could be fun. You, instead, are not fun when you’re trying to mother hen us at the same time.”

“Rude much.”

“Now go or I’ll throw you with Jace.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I would, and I could, in the transformed form anyway. I’ve thrown Chaton across the city, don’t test me.”

Dick huffed and closed the door. Jason laughed at Marinette’s words and patted her head after reaching towards her a little bit, over all their snacks and food.

“So, whatcha doin’? Drinking games?”

“Yeah. Never have I ever. You in?”

“Am I in? Oh, definitely. You couldn’t stop me even if you tried.”

“Sounds like trouble. I’m already regretting letting him in.”

A chorus of “same” echoed around the room.

“Alright, so…” Kon looked around the room before his eyes landed on Tim and a smirk tugged on his lips. “Never have I ever sneaked out of my house in the middle of the night alone.”

Tim frowned and drank a new shot. Marinette sighed, elbowed Adrien and took the bottle from Tim’s hands.

“Okay, Pixie, explain. You, sneakin’ out of the house, let alone in the middle of the night? Impossible.”

“Nuh-uh. Need I remind you, Ladybug. Papillon hardly cared about our sleeping schedule. Had to sneak out at night multiple times to save the city. Same with Adrien.”

Adrien nodded, agreeing with her. “‘S not like we had a choice in the matter, it was our sleep or the safety and lives of over two million people. Ga-bitch didn’t leave us much of a choice.”

It was Tim’s turn to interrupt. “And how have you never sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night? You, Mr. ‘I do whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want, fuck Batman’?”

“Well, with B it was easier to sneak away when it was the middle of the day and he thought I was somewhere else, and in the Alley, it was safer to either stay inside or stay outside through the night, not both. Also, no house to sneak out of at one point.”

“Oof.”

“Never have I ever died,” Tim shot with a pointed look at his brother and his best friends. Yeah, he was still a little bitter even if it technically wasn’t their fault, so sue him.

“Low blow, dude,” Adrien said as he downed the glass. Marinette shuffled next to him and the next thing he saw was her stealing Adrien’s newly filled shot glass.

He was, least to say, shocked when he saw everyone take a shot, his fiancée included.

“Akumas. To be exact, Desperada and Time Breaker, at the very least. Probably some others too. He’s never been that good at not dying, and there was one time when he had to witness me die like, 25 thousand times.”

“25,913 times, Buginette.”

“Sorry, 25,913 times. He saw me die that many times, and I remember exactly none of them. He probably remembers most.”

“Holy shit.”

After everyone had had time to think over it and let the realisation that two out of their three sunshines had died god knows how many times and had had to witness one another die as many times sink in, Jason simply grabbed the chipotle vodka and took a few gulps. “I need more alcohol to deal with this” had been his explanation, and when he’d been told he’d die if he drank too much, no one realised the mistake until it was too late, because…

“Been there, done that.”

Cue them groaning and hiding their faces in their pillows all the while Jason just laughed.

“Okay, back to the game. Never have I ever been related to a supervillain.”

“Fuck you too Jason.”

Both Conner and Adrien took a shot as they glared at Jason, and Kon gave him the finger.

The rest of the game went in the same style. Everyone was flabbergasted at how many times both Adrien and Marinette had to drink. Those happened with, for example, Bart’s question of drinking before the age of 21 (“We grew up in France, he was a rich ass bitch, what else did you expect? Besides, legal drinking age is 18 there.”), Jay’s of whether someone had peeked at another person in the shower (“Well, I suppose it could be called that. Chaton pretended to be in the shower every time I came over during an Akuma that came for his or Gabritch’s head, nevermind the fact he always had clothes on. It’s not like I knew.”), Cassie’s “never have I ever fantasized about a real person” (“I mean, I was a teenager with a huge crush on Ladybug…” “Gross, Chaton, gross.” “Don’t try and deny having a crush on me as well.” “Well, fuck you too.” “I think I’ll leave that for your fiancé.” “Oh my god, Adrien.”) It just went on and on.

After a few hours of different things, such as hide and seek in the dark (it went as expected — Adrien won. Damn that night vision of his even in civilian form), truth and dare (they were all superheroes or vigilantes, there was hardly anything they wouldn’t say or do in relatively safe company, especially when they were at least tipsy), strip poker (this one Adrien lost because he couldn’t stop making puns, Bart came second last because he couldn’t keep a straight face (“Well, it’s not like anything else about me is straight either.”), which, to everyone’s surprise, Marinette won (“Whaatt? I had to get really creative and good at bluffing during school and Papillon, why is this so shocking to you all?”). They stopped when the next thing to go would’ve been someone’s underwear), and they were definitely glad to finally just lie down and rest.

Then Adrien’s phone went off. He surged out from under the covers and unlocked his phone. In the darkness of the room, the phone lit up his face rather well. He was smiling. Bart pushed the covers aside and sat up next to Adrien.

“Whatcha doing?”

“Texting to a friend.”

“Oh, is that your new friend? The one you met while scavenging?” Bart sounded excited and got closer to be able to see the messages. Adrien just placed his phone so that Bart could see them more easily.

“Yeah, it is.”

Marinette sat up as well. Smiling, she asked, “Oh, you made a friend while scavenging? That’s so wonderful, though only you, Kitty. Only you could manage to do that.”

“Kon said the same thing right after it.”

“Of course he did. What’s her name?”

“Zoanne.”

Beside Marinette, Tim went still and paled. He swallowed audibly and forced himself to look at Adrien. “Do you know her surname?”

“Yeah, it’s Wilkins. Why?”

Tim buried his face in Marinette’s knees and thighs, whining. “Oh god. Kill me now, please. Maybe borrow the Cat Miraculous to do it. Or Jason’s guns.”

“Why? What happened?”

“She’s my ex and I might’ve left her in rather an unfortunate situation.”

Adrien stared at him. Then frowned. Then honest to god scowled. “Are you fucking kidding me.”

“Oh my god, Adrien swore.”

“She’s dating again, by the way. Some girl named Ariana.”

“Please tell me you’re kidding me.”

“Nope.”

“Fuck.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow at him. “Let me guess. You also dated Ariana.”

“Yeah.”

An amused sigh fell of Marinette’s lips as she stroked Tim’s hair. “You’re hopeless.”

Tim scrunched up his nose. “No, I’m not.”

Marinette gave him a look.  

“Okay, yeah, I am. Please kill me now. I can’t have you two be friends with nearly all my exes.”

“What do you mean nearly all your exes?”

“Cassie and Steph, and considering Adrien is friends with Zoanne, you’ll probably be soon too, and I’m sure you’re going to call Ariana your friend soon enough as well.”

“You’re forgetting I’m also friends with Tam.”

“Fuck.”

Jason just snorted. “Fuck, Babybird, you’ve got a ton of exes, and your fiancée and her best friend are friends with like, all of them. Damn.”

“Shut up, Jay.”

The next morning, both Tim and Jason were hungover, and Adrien and Marinette could definitely feel themselves having drunk the night before.

They thanked the kwamii they didn’t need to suffer as many or horrible consequences for the drinking and bought and or baked a ton of food for Plagg and Tikki.

___________

@the-navistar-carol @caffeinetheory @jardimazul @captainartsypants @marinettepotterandplagg @kris-pines04 @thethirdwheelfriend @daminett4life @abrx2002 @persephonebutkore @rebecarojas07 @corabeth11 @freshbark @maribat-march2020 @catsandfanfic @fertileleaf @eat0crow @cutechip

[shibalen]

💥hewwo can I pwease get a romantic male matchup for bnha (darkbox bc I live for angst) (music box) when you have the time uwu

Levi he/him gay entp supposedly (also if it's not too much to ask please no characters under the age of 18 please)

I've been described as having a strong and loud personality, I'm extroverted and outspoken. I'm pretty eccentric too.

I value friendship, kindness and standing up for others.

Goal wise I'm pretty aimless. I dont have any goals, if I die well I guess that's it babey. In the meantime I'm just here to help animals and people who need it.

Positive traits: I always stick up for people in need, I'm good at reading people, I'm good with animals, I love to make people smile and laugh, cheerful, good at talking my way out of bad situations, uhm. Friendly!

Negative traits would be: hot headed, loud, stubborn, arrogant, comes across as intimidating:( good at getting into bad situations, gets into fights very often. Can be spiteful, I've been described as a pyromaniac so theres that. Can be sadistic

What pisses me off: my father. I can and will cause trouble for that man for as long as I live. And people who pick on the weak.

My hobbies and interests areeee: true crime babey! Crying over video games, baking, the occult, taking naps, dream interpretations and tarot readings

Likes: animals, cats specifically, stars, fire, sunsets, supposedly haunted places, storms, being dramatic for the hell of it, tormenting people in a good hearted way

Dislikes: uhhhh hot weather I guess.

Quirks: uh I have 5 cats! Ones my fathers but he never takes care of his cat so i pretty much count him as my own (plus he likes me more than my dad and it pisses my dad off hehe) I have weirdly accurate intuition, it makes reading people easy, knowing what they want to hear and what they dont.

Uhhh dates and relationship wise I'm honestly happy doing whatever my s/o wants to do. All I want is to see their face light up.

My love language is physical touch, I dont like touching people but if it's someone I feel strongly about youd have to pry me away from them.

I once got kicked out of a library for starting a fight in it, trashy I know but I wasnt going to stand there and do nothing while my friends were being bullied and pressured into getting involved with a really dodgy man. I scared the bullies off for good at least B) they never bothered my friend again babey

Oh I'm also known around the area I live in as someone who's good at finding homes of lost pets. Often times I come across a lost animal and befriend it in no time and use my connections to find its family.

Sorry if this was rly long and thank you for your time!! I hope you have a fantastic day uwu if anything's too difficult to come up with ideas for I'm more than happy for you to change anything to make it easier for you too!

♡︎ matchup for anon

heya! here i am with another late matchup but i hope you still see this. i'm sorry about the delay (╯_╰)

bnha: i match you with . . .

natsuo todoroki !!

• this was one of those "heureka!" moments for me. you both hate your dads and hot weather? it's a match made in heaven! okay jk, these are just nice add-ons.

• what really made me consider Natsuo were your values and personality. kindness and friendships are important to both of you. Natsuo's a medical student so i am convinced helping others is high on his priority list too. he loves your driven and passionate nature because he doesn't go sugarcoating bs either.

• you're definitely the more energetic one while Natsuo only gets hot-headed about the things that are the most important to him. i think it's a good compromise, you can help each other out :)

• he was a little taken aback and cautious of your explosiveness at first but warmed up to it quickly after learning what a kind person you really were. now he thinks your dramatic attitude is funny during your sillier moments ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

• speaking of, you lads met at an animal shelter. there had been a dog that was astray in the neighbourhood of his home, so Natsuo, being a responsible boyo, took it to the local shelter.

• then there you were, standing by the help desk with five kittens wrapped in your jacket in your arms. apparently someone had been trying to drown them so you'd taken care of the situation accordingly.

• Natsuo understood jumping into a lake to rescue the poor animals because he would have done the same, but you could have had just called the police?? it was extremely ridiculous but admirable at the same time to beat all those guys up.

• your chat turned into a pleasant conversation afterwards as you were waiting for the animals to finish their check-ups. Natsuo was a bit shy but you didn't mind and kept the chat going which he appreciated.

• later he volunteered to help you look for good homes for the animals you'd both found. during this project the two of you got to know each other quite well and ended up hanging out together afterwards!

• and from that point on, everything fell into place naturally. the growing spark between you was undeniable and you both knew it. Natsuo definitely liked you longer, he was just a lil dense about it . . .

• you're nothing short of a hero in his eyes but dear lord he worries for you. when he's attending lectures he sometimes can't help but wonder if you're all right and not getting involved in anything violent.

• attends to your possible injuries while nagging you not to be so quick to start a fight next time. in return, you playfully bully him for being such a mom.

• you join forces with Fuyumi to pick on him about your relationship. even though you're already together, soft Natsuo still blushes when his affection for you is brought up, it's entertaining for both you and Fuyumi.

• idk if you've heard but Natsuo's 181cm tall!! hugging someone has never been easier even if you happen to be taller than him. the only thing is his skin's naturally kind of chilly so he's lowkey worried if you dislike it but you always assure him he's perfect!

• one time he was stressed over exams so you baked him some blueberry muffins. he gave you the biggest hug and kiss because it's exactly all these little things you do that set his heart racing for you ♡︎

• "last night i saw a dream about being a frog and eating giant flies, it was gross."

• "oh, that just means your love life is about to become fun."

• "i'm not sure how those two are related."

• "just trust me. i'm a pro at this."

• he also likes giving you headpats as much as he likes receiving them! his hands are quite big so he often runs his fingers through your hair when you're cuddling or hugging. it's especially relaxing after a long period of studying. also him carring you on his broad back ԅ(￣ε￣ԅ)

• you enjoy the little things in life and complain about your fathers together. you've agreed to wait a while before even mentioning your relationship to them because, honestly, Natsuo doesn't want any more horrible influences in your life.

• you get him sucked into the world of video games. it's always fun to watch him struggle but he never gets salty about losing maybe a lil he adores your smile as you laugh at him for being so bad at them.

• your dates include: helping out at animal shelters and retirement homes, video game and movie nights (especially about true crime), arcades and astronomy tower explorstions. i feel like Natsuo's more into traditional, romantic and chill dates and that's your usual thing. though i see sometimes you going to get coffee and ending up solving a 50-year-old murder case instead (✧ω✧)

❦︎ ink box

— despite Natsuo's best efforts to distance himself from Endeavor, it wasn't quite as easy and everyone was very much aware of the Todoroki family. and now the son of the number 1 hero had a lover.

— it wasn't actually that troublesome at first. some newpaper paparazzi occasionally annoyed you but you didn't care for them. most of the time Natsuo and you had your peace during dates aside from a few casual fans.

— but of course there are all sorts of people out there, some out for revenge, some for money, and being desperate means using even the lowest of methods to get what you want.

— so one time it happened, and it was all that took. several bitter villains thought they'd get their revenge through you, silly as it may sound. they made a big show of kidnapping you and demanding Endeavor to 'make up' for his wrongdoing. but all got resolved thanks to heroes, the only casualty being Natsuo's heart from almost exploding from worry and his deepening hatred for his father.

— later on, it wasn't that Natsuo was worried about you not being able to handle yourself, he feared what might happen if more of powerful villains came after you.

— so, after some debate, you agreed not to meet up for a short while to let the fuse of the incident settle down. it would be safer once the media forgot about it. you still texted and chatter over phone though!

— but then a week turned into two weeks, then into a month. you were wondering what was taking Natsuo to say the coast was clear and did a straight-up inquiry through a video chat.

— you could see he was restless the entire time. he said you should wait longer just to be sure everything was calm before meeting up. you became irritated because he was obviously lying and not being his normal, brutally honest self.

— why was he giving you this crap straight to your face?

— truthfully, Natsuo hadn't been sleeping all right recently. ever since that day he had reoccurring nightmares about something awful happening to you. they were just dreams, he knew. yet considering his ruffled up past and the frequency of those horrible visions, it would have been lie to say he was unaffected.

— paranoia just wouldn't leave him alone, and no matter how much he wanted to hold you in his arms again and hated making up stupid excuses, the voice at the back of his mind whispered this was for the best.

— after a month and a half had passed you've had just about enough, however. whatever reason he was keeping you in the dark for did no longer stop you from crashing into his house and demanding the truth.

— Natsuo knew you and expected this to eventually happen. after you made such a powerful entrance though he also knew there was no getting around it this time. really, it was comforting knowing you cared so deeply.

— he told you exactly what had been happening and you resisted the urge to punch him in the arm for having such a mindset. but the look in his beautiful grey eyes was so heartbreaking you threw yourself to embrace him instead. your touch was everything Natsuo had craved for for all this time.

— you skillfully assured him for the next couple of hours while keeping the talk light-hearted (he had obviously been overthinking way too much already). soon enough the issue was resolved and you had a sleepover right there to make uo for the lost time (Shoto and Fuyumi kept eavesdropping on you because y'all were being way too loud in a cute way).

— "i love you, Natsu, but if you ever keep something like this a secret from me again, i can't guarantee the safety of your arm or your front door."

♫︎ music box

— If I Had An Airplane by SayWeCanFly

— This December by Rick Montgomery

— Round & Laundry from Carole and Tuesday

— Haven't Had Enough by Marianas Trench

— Bowie On The Radio by Ryan McMullan

♡︎ runner up: Dabi / Touya Todoroki

thank you for requesting, hopefully you enjoyed this! i'm really pleased about matching you with Natsuo, it's just so perfect. have a lovely day and remember to take care of yourself ♡︎

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

Motion Sickness: I Let you Die II

1

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GaiLong was comfortable after sleeping in Shion. Sure, sleeping in some hundred-year-old ghost town was eerie on it's own, but not as eerie as seeing all the newly stray cats and dogs with collars who managed to survive. They tried to put their lives together the morning after everyone died in the wreckage. 

Yes, we did cut the collars off every single one we saw. 

We were welcomed back to GaiLong too. I had been worried a little about how we would be received with the news, but it seemed to be nothing but paranoia on my end.  The village leader, Lai Beihfing, was more than willing to sit down and work with us, though. He had seemed content to think that our alibi of staying with them for the past few weeks was enough evidence to be assured we weren’t in on some conspiracy. 

He sent out riders by horseback to the surrounding villages, but he quickly monopolized my time. I wanted to leave to hunt the bandits, too, but…

“Surely you’ll agree that if all of you leave, we would be just as defenseless as Shion would.”

“If we encounter the enemy or whatever Grimm left that print, I need all hands-on deck,” I disagreed. Maybe I was paranoid, but if Beihfing-Tono didn’t believe us entirely, then having half as many of us here would also decrease our effectiveness if we tried some trojan horse-shit. 

“You said you would have fled if the beast returned to Shion.” He returned. “Doesn’t that imply your strategy was to retreat from it anyways?”

“Only if I thought I couldn’t beat it, which I definitely can’t with half my team.” I returned. “If half of us die then we definitely can’t kill it and there are also the bandits.”

“Who could then attack while you are gone. We couldn’t possibly fight them off without your help and without the presence of at least some of you, I am worried that the news may cause a panic.” The nail in the coffin, for me, really. “And we should not assume my riders will return with good news either.” 

It was a win-win for him and his village, and it wasn’t a gamble he could afford to take, whether I was telling the truth or not, he needed some of us here, preferably more than one of us. It wasn’t one I could afford to either. “Arc-san please. You must see reason.”

“I-” I sighed and shook my head, “I didn’t disagree with you from the start, sir.”

The Beihjing-Tono, reclined slightly and looked beyond and behind me. “Please, won’t you give us the room?” His own guards nodded and gestured for my friends to file towards the door. “You three are more than welcome to return to the inn.” Ruby hesitated and though she did lift her hand from my shoulder.

It was sort of implied that he would pay for our room and board while we hunted his enemies, especially now that I had my new weapon. Not just to pay us but also… well… if the bandits could kill them all, then so could we. Plus, if we were telling the truth we could just leave, and they would be fucked. 

It worked both ways, though, the timing of me getting my weapon, communications going down, and Shion’s destruction was all super suspicious on our end, too. 

The fact was we both sort of had each other by the balls and neither of us really wanted to do any more squeezing than was necessary. 

I turned and nodded to Ruby, “it won’t take us long. We just need to hammer out the details.” 

She nodded, but I knew she wouldn’t let it go. She’d want those details later. 

Well, I figured she’d probably want details on other stuff she wasn’t pushing super hard on now either, but it was really time to stop thinking about her as she was walking away from me. Her legs looked really good in those tights and you could see her hourglass figure from behind in that tight corset. But it was really time to stop thinking about Ruby's legs, you fucking idiot. 

I pretended like I made myself focus and it wasn’t when she shut the door. I was the boss. The boss, the boss, the boss, the boss.

When I turned around it was to the sight of GaiLong’s principle face pouring two cups of tea. He offered one to me even as he poured it and it struck me how tired he looked.

Panic, bandits, Grimm, and no communication with Vale, Atlas, or Mistral, further, Beihjing-Tono wasn’t exactly having a good day either. The village had no back up military-wise and no capital I could even take with me, let alone valuable enough to me that would really be worth risking their lives. 

He probably had friends in Shion, too. 

And he was now going to have to rely on the fact I wasn’t a total scum bag or people would die in his streets. 

It probably hadn’t been like this in almost a century, since the towers went up. It seemed nearly as far away ago as the construction of the first pyramids, since feudalistic Mistral. Not so long that the system had collapsed entirely.

“You agree you have to leave half yourselves here.” 

“Yes.” I took a long drink. “But I do think I need every one of them to kill it. Maybe some of your men, too. I don’t know how to kill it, I haven’t seen it yet, but it looks very big and possibly intelligent.” I hesitated. “It might be old, too.” 

“We should prepare, the Grimm will come here first, no?” It was true. It doesn’t matter how tightlipped you think your men are this place is too small. They’ll talk to their wives and children and more. “We must assume we are the first to know and thus, the most likely to experience the greatest change in happiness over the next few days. If it was as close to Shion and as you say, it will feel us. Do you agree master huntsman?”

“We’ll have to wait a few days at least,” I agreed. “My friend’s semblance lets him suppress an area from their senses, its better with fewer people but with such a small village it should help. It’ll help people stay calm, too.”

“What will you do then?”

“That depends entirely on what news your men bring back, doesn’t it?” I asked. “What should we do if your men bring back news that Shion wasn’t the only place destroyed?”

“We shall discuss that if and only if it comes up.” He’d been a little relaxed before but to my eyes he grew more cautious of me. “Arc-San, I am sure the destruction you experienced at Beacon was traumatizing but if a Grimm with such might has been in the area for years and destroyed villages with such ease, I would know it. After the first few days the bandits shall be the greatest threat. Once you eliminate them the danger will pass, and you can return to your journey.”

I bit my tongue. He didn’t want me here any longer than I had to be. Didn’t trust me enough, maybe. He thought I was in with the bandits, it would be a reasonable way to try and consolidate power in the area. I just had to invent some imaginary threat that only I could stop, and I needed all the villages around to give me whatever I wanted to do it.

I hesitated, I wanted him to strongly consider it now. I wanted to have a plan in case the villages around were destroyed too but…

“I strongly encourage you to reconsider.” I pleaded.

“I am not evacuating, I cannot consider it and you cannot pretend to be able to protect us no matter where we go.”

What? Did he think I was an idiot?

“I… I never was considering evacuating…” There was another plan too, an obvious one. “Sir, I have another idea, one I’m not sure anyone else needs to know about.” I watched him set his tea down, slowly. “I’m assuming that you don’t have a prison, even if we do catch the bandits…”

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So, I realize that what I was about to do may as well be murder if I pulled it off. Yeah, I was still calling it outlaw justice with a thousand justifications if anyone called me on it but wasn’t that sort of the plan with Cinder and her shmucks anyways?

It was complicated but calling something ‘outlaw-justice’ when I was contemplating how to kill people seemed really hollow. Maybe it is the right thing to do. I’m even convinced it is, but I am even more convinced that not everyone will see it that way. 

The Grimm needed to be drawn away and any of the bandits who had aura could not be allowed to escape and kill again. 

I’m no mathematician but I see some ways I could cancel things out. 

I glanced across my team’s faces and I reasonably guessed who I could sell what when and how. 

“We’re staying for a few days.” I met Ren’s eyes and started nodding. “We’re making everybody feel calm and going on patrols. Spending some time here. I have our board from the mayor and we’re just waiting for the riders to come back.”

“Should we start now?” Nora asked. 

I nodded. We’d talked about it along the way. We already planned to do ‘patrols,’ i.e. find dinner, in town and be seen. However, Ren could just calm down everybody he passed through walls and over fences and the combination of the two should help. He couldn’t do everyone, well, not at once, he could do something like ten to fifteen meters depending so there wasn’t anywhere in town that he couldn’t reach and calm down.

He rose with Nora to set about.

Then it was Ruby and I.

Which also led to the problem of how I’d sell Ruby leaving the bandits to die somewhere or cutting them down. 

Nora I could trick. Ren I could convince. But I’d need to somehow evade Ruby to get it done. Outlaw justice wasn’t going to fly with her. It just wasn’t. If I tried to launch it, she’d shoot it down and then maybe, she’d shoot me, too.

Bam, bam.  

I had to go because who else would kill them, and Ren probably had to stay here, and the implicit understanding so far had been any splitting-up would be done partner-wise. Changing that now would be suspicious. 

Well. I could and would have to change that over the next few days or find something else. I really was looking. It wasn’t like I had my heart set on lying to Ruby per se. Or even on killing the bandits or Cind-well, let’s not get crazy.

The bandits, though, I was open to ideas.

I still thought the mayor was wrong about the Grimm, too. How could he sleep at night with such a creature right next door? I suppose the same way he had the night before. 

“So how did it really go?” She wondered. 

I sighed. Feeling her arms wrap barely above my waist. “Pretty much like that. We have some other plans, but we need to know more.”

“Like what type of Grimm, it is?” Ruby hesitated. “It’s a Nuckelavee.” 

I blinked. “Wh-What else can you tell me about it?” I whipped around. “Ruby what the fu-”

“I didn’t know either, alright!” She snapped right back her hand somehow stung through all my armor despite that she was in her PJs.

They were the same as the old ones and they didn’t fit well anymore. She was taller and her legs were longer than they had been. She also just didn’t have the frame she used to. Her chest was bigger and she had wider hips. It made the place below her ribs thin and gave her a supermodel hourglass shape. 

I was trying hard not look at her. In the dark it was one thing, but…

“Alright, alright, alright.” I pleaded. “I’m sorry.” I turned and sat on the bed. I was frustrated but that was really no excuse at all. What was I? A barbarian? I spat out a long breath. “Please, where and how?”

“Nora told me; what it was called, I mean. She told me that Ren told her once, but that she doesn’t know any more. Ren does, though. He didn’t tell you, then?”

She threw out her arms and paced about the low-lit room. There was enough room to pace from the small sofa, to the small bathroom. Just enough for her to get all the pacing she needed done. I’d maybe been hypnotized by it once or twice. 

They’d given us two rooms again, which was nice of them. They were low, but they were warm, and their walls were built as inexpensive as possible from the dark woods around them. I mean they had other wall stuff done to them, too. 

I wasn’t I wall guy and I had better things to think about when she turned around, walked over, and handed me a cardboard box that had the logo, warmth, and weight of restaurant food. “Ren ordered it for you, said you probably wouldn’t mind anything so… We can get something else if you don’t like it. I’m sure it’ll get eaten.”

It was a large sandwitch with fries. I was pretty sure about its ultimate fate as well. 

“I’ll uh, thanks.” I stuttered off.

She turned and sat on the bed next to me with a plop as I tucked in. “Sorry, we didn’t wait for you, but we sort of figured.”

I nodded. 

“Nora was talking to me about it earlier, she said Ren’s been quiet, not sure how she can really tell.”

“He has.” I agreed. Why didn’t he tell me about the Grimm?

“You can tell too? Is it just me? Ugh.” She flopped backwards. Her exposed stomach was- well-exposed. As in I could see it. I was trying to stop, too, but it really wasn’t working well. She had abdominal outlines around her navel and the way her sides ran down to her pants was just-

 “-you know?”

I moved the box across my lap and chewed hard. 

“-Jaune?” She sat up. “You looked like you were thinking hard.” Incorrect, Rubes. “You figure something out?”

“Huh?”

“About Ren.”

“Ren?” I wondered. “Oh yeah. Yeah, I’ll talk to him later.”

“You think he’ll talk to you?” She raised an eyebrow. “When he’s not talking to Nora? You have absolutely lost your mind.”

“Maybe.”

I had an angle, I wasn’t really even sure what it was yet but maybe if Ren wasn’t his usual self… 

“Hey.”

“Huh.”

“Don’t you want to change?”

I was still in the clothes I’d marched all day in, not to mention armor, by necessity I’d had to leave the sword by the door. It was one of those two meter-and-change sword things. I eyed it now. “I was going to go practice some.”

“Nope.”

“Nope?” I asked. I couldn’t help the smile that ran across my face. 

“Nope.”

“Why nope, now?”

“Because you were up late last night doing it, and up early this morning doing it, and you did the same thing the day before. And don’t think we haven’t noticed you not even trying to sleep during Ren’s shift. We have. We’ve noticed a lot.”

“Who is we.”

“Uh, the rest of us.”

“You guys talking about me in here?”

“Well duh, what else would we talk about.”

I laughed. “Well it would be pretty arrogant of me to-“

“We’re worried about you.” She glared, her eyes glimmered at me even as she rolled over so I couldn’t see her face. “You butt.”

“Ruby-“

“You haven’t been the same since Beacon. You’re just… it’s like Ren, now, but all the time and every time someone tries to talk to you keep them out.” I watched her pull the covers around her even tighter. “Even me.” 

Her red face peaked out and I met her wet eyes. I took the deepest breath I thought I could manage. “Ruby you’re being unfair.”

She lost the battle against her angry tears and the first one fell. It was closely followed by the second. She wiped them away with the sheets of the bed with a fervor that left a red streak across her face. 

“I don’t mean with-like-Pyrrha.” I managed. She must have gotten the sense that I really was trying because her angry tears stopped for a moment and she just stared at me. “Come on. I was never going to be the same again. You haven’t been, either, since you saw her die.”

“I told you I hardly even remember what happened at the top of-“

“I know.” I pleaded. “I meant Penny.”

She looked away again, but I reached out and grabbed her hand. “I was never going to be like I was before Pyrrha died. How could I go back?” The headmaster’s machine beneath the school and the scarred girl in the pod were burned into my mind forever. Nothing could be the same again. 

“Well… you know you can talk to me about it.” She crawled across the bed and wrapped her arms around my neck. My stomach was too tight for me to eat anything, so I set my food on the nightstand between the two beds. I could smell, well, her. I couldn’t pin the scent down besides ‘rose’ in a lot of unhelpful ways. It was clean, though, and gentle. Maybe a bit like cinnamon and sugar. 

“I’m trying.” I continued. “It’s really hard. I didn’t get to sort out what I felt for her, if anything. And her feelings really just...” I shook my head. “God, listen to me complain like I was the one who fucking died.”

“You’re allowed to feel things you know.” 

“I really don’t know what I feel, though.”

“What about me?” Her voice came quietly into my ear and I simultaneously relaxed and tensed in her arms. She seemed ready for it. She always seemed to be able to do that with people. Tonight, wasn’t the first time she seemed to know what I was feeling before I did.

I felt like laughing. “I feel guilty just looking at you.” 

Is that all? She didn’t say it. She just rubbed her hands across my chest for a long moment. She knew it wasn’t though. Too many late-night talks between shifts and time on the road. Too much before that, too. In a lot of ways. “Jaune things will never be convenient but I...” I turned my head and suddenly we were centimeters away. “I want to help you move on.”

“I never started anything with her. Never got to.” I wondered. 

“Jaune you don’t treat me like her.” She insisted. “You’re not replacing her with me.”

My voice was tight. “It feels like it, sometimes.” I rubbed my face hard with one hand. “Ruby I-“ I tried to tell her. I looked into her eyes and saw how emotional she was. I wondered if I could feel even a tenth of it. 

“If you feel like you’re replacing me with her you can talk to me about that, too.” 

She brought my head forward in the cradle of her arms and kissed me.

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-WG

[ruinlance]

𝟎𝟏.

Cracking down on Sylvain’s C-support with Byleth ,

You think I’d cheat? On you, baby? Never. Come on, you should know me better than that.

  - to an NPC.

I think it’s really funny he’d say something like this. ‘ You should know me better than that. ‘ Is , such a good line that immediately , without the reader even realizing at first , what type of character he is and how his relationships with women specifically go.

Thing is , what I imagine , is that people already assume so much about him. What I believe and strongly hold to is that Sylvain is known as a playboy, he’s known as a scumbag that sleeps around and tosses women around like used rags. So to say , ‘ You should know me better than that ‘ is a direct , petty jab at the fact that you should’ve expected this , I am manipulating you.

To elaborate , I feel as though a lot of his relationships with women , what they hope to achieve is to . . More or less , ‘ fix ‘ him .Or that maybe they’d specifically have a real chance with him , that they’re the one he’d actually fall for. That they are the exception. Which is why Sylvain doesn’t feel guilty in using them. They should know what they’re getting into , so he feels justified in using that.

I will mention that this definitely will not always be the case , but Sylvain believes it is. He convinces himself this is always the case , among other things.

Oh, I get it. If I’m not your type, do you want me to introduce you to some other guys who have Crests? They’re all nobles, just like me.

This also exemplifies the fact that Sylvain only believes he’s chased after for his nobility/crest. He’ll rub that in their face , he’ll only believe that’s what they’re after him for. He’s petty. He will turn that around on you , because he only believes that’s why you’re after him.

He’ll play with you. Entertain you. Then toss you aside.

I just want you to be happy. You know, get what you’re after. I hate seeing a girl cry, especially one as beautiful as you.

Yeah he’s just being an asshole here. But he’s not. Technically lying. Well , more or less , it’s complicated. He genuinely loves women! However , his feelings towards them are . . Muddied with paranoia , anger , paranoia. Yet , the same can be said about his feelings towards everyone , but more so those who aim to worm into his heart. It’s a bad retaliation , a poor defense mechanism to keep himself safe. Which is funny , because it’s like he wallows himself in such a miserable wormhole in some sort of self-justified charade to prove something.

Then we jump to his conversation with Byleth ,

Anyway, I don’t know why she’s so upset about me dating other girls. She didn’t care before she found out, why does she care now? I really do hate seeing a girl cry. (…) Come on. It’s hard on me too! If only I had someone to comfort me. Professor? It’s OK if you want to console me… I happen to have some exquisite tea back in my quarters. You could come by, and…we could chat about love.

Funnily enough , he hates Byleth. He does not like Byleth. His feelings towards Byleth specifically are just as muddied and complicated as his with his romantic flings. (I’ll elaborate his relationship with Byleth in a separate post)

I believe that , he also uses this manner of speaking to not only draw people in , but to steer them away. He weaponizes flowery language and romance. Sylvain never explicitly uses vulgar language , he’s never outright mean and cusses you out , he lathers you with pretty words and a smile that never reaches his burnt out eyes. He knows how to make you lose interest and leave him alone. He knows how to ward people away. He also knows how to keep them close. He’s very smart.

Sylvain is a manipulator. Sylvain feels justified in his behavior and seldom feels guilt. If he does feel guilt , it’s drowned in other feelings ; anger , jealousy , bitterness. 

In my portrayal he’s not so simply black or white in terms of being morally good or bad , he’s very grey. Very in his own head, his own perception of the world. He’s not always mean , a shove off , in fact he can be very nice and be a very loyal friend! But the moment you try and swoon him , it ticks something in him , and an entire unhealthily developed coping mechanism triggers.

[allthebooksandcrannies]

i just need to vent here

NI’m going to put a read more link in here so its not just this extremely long post but i need to vent where no one i know is going to see it and get all offended but i also need to look like i’m doing gre prep. this is mostly me just yelling into the void but i’d also appreciate any advice or feedback anyone wants to give.

i don’t want to accidentally hurt someone so trigger warnings for discussion of eating disorders, depression, anxiety, emotional crisis, mention of rape, mention of homophobia, dead dove do not eat

so, my mom and i had another fight last night that kinda picked up again this morning and i feel really shitty but i’m not gonna stop obsessing over it and everything else it stirred up until i get it out so i’m just gonna stream of consciousness over here.

lately it seems all my mom ever do is fight and i made her cry again so i guess that makes me the asshole because the guilt is real right not but guilt and self-hatred is also my general default i think so maybe i’m being to hard on myself? like, its not like i also didn’t want to cry and i feel like she took my words and twisted them around into something i didn’t mean but i also don’t know what i meant. and we’re both so similar so maybe we were just both being defensive and oversensitive even though we both give Dad shit for that and great now i feel bad about that because i always take her side in fights because i feel like i need to protect her and my brother always takes his side but that’s a whole other can of worms. but also, so what if we are? like aren’t all emotions supposed to be valid? or does it matter even if they are?

we fight about everything these days and every joke i make offends her and i’m just teasing but she keeps taking it to the extreme, taking it as criticism on issues i’m not even talking about. and this time i was defensive and she was defensive because i was defensive and i tried to explain it and it just made it worse.

like, this time we were talking and i don’t remember how we got on the subject but i think it was because we were talking about this new diet my dad is going on because my paternal grandmother  won’t stop blaming my mom for my dad being so overweight and i know i should have been stepping lightly because dad had just been teasing her for saying she wished the nutritionist would have found some easy to fix problem other than his diet/activity levels so his mom would get off her ass about it. and like, i get why my grandmother is concerned, he is very overweight and needs an ankle replacement he can’t get until he loses like 150 lbs and she already has an unhealthy paranoia about her own weight after an entire childhood of her own mother fatshaming her and her sisters but also it’s ridiculous to just blame my mother and her cooking considering that when he put on all the weight originally it was when he was working for his uncle and only ate one meal she cooked a day and was going to fast food places twice a day, like the dude has some responsibility here, but also he carries it just like his dad, male cousins, and three paternal uncles so there’s obviously some genetics working against him, but most importantly right around the time this first started he fell through a roof at a construction site and completely shattered all the bones in his right ankle and was completely bedridden for over a year while on serious painkillers that probably didn’t help. but anyway she was already upset and in a weird headspace because she had an eating disorder in high school, so i should have been more careful and empathetic but she started talking about one of my roommates and how health conscious she is and how thin she is and how she probably has eating disorder and i kinda snapped because i know she means well but damn if it didn’t bring up so many other issues that i was just slammed right back into 

because she always has something to say about my friends. for as long as i can remember she has criticized my friends in ways that makes me question my relationship with them and i know she just is trying to protect me and be involved in my life but her good intentions are still a major cause of so many of my issues and i was end up lonelier and more self-isolating as a result. and my roommates are my best friends and the one she criticizes the most (like what feels like every time we talk about her, to the point where she’s convinced my mom hates her) has been so important in showing me how sheltered and naive i was and has brought me out of my shell and helped with my self-worth so much and is literally the first person in my life who told me i don’t have to always be looking out for other before myself. i don’t owe the world and its okay to live for me sometimes.

and this one, she’s so quiet and she doesn’t like to interact with people she doesn’t deem worth her time and maybe she can be a little cold and judgy but she’s always good to me and she’s been protective and as someone who has always been on the outside of every group the fact that she deems me worth her time and her advice really means a lot and i can acknowledge her flaws but just earlier this weak my mom was talking about how cold she thinks megan is so i was already primed to be defensive. so my mom starts talking about how megan probably has a body image issue since she’s so conscious of her weight and i’m like??? she never talks about weight. the only time she talks about food is when we’re comparing recipes and yeah she eats healthy and puts effort into that but she’s a lifelong vegetarian and she’s usually trying to balance that out with her needs as a cross country runner but because she’s not competing anymore apparently that means that the fact that she still runs every morning and eats like a cross country runner when she doesn’t have to (never mind that she still runs marathons, and she likes running) means she has body image issues and the when we go out for ice cream she’s overindulging because of it. and look at how skinny she is, even though she’s 4′ 10″ and all muscle, like i’d be worried if she wasn’t?

and maybe i’m in denial but i think i would know. i’ve lived with her three years and my mom has met her like six times and never longer than an hour at a time. and she says she was just trying to help me be a good friend and her words fit but her tone came off as criticising and maybe i jumped to conclusions but it felt like one more thing that was wrong with me and my friendship. and maybe i’m just being defensive because on some level i’m worried that what if she’s right, that means i’ve been oblivious and a bad friend and  is she calling me a bad friend, like is that coming from me or just my own insecurities? because i am insecure about whether i’m capable of being a good friend because i always end up left behind and mom keeps saying that i intimidate them or make them feel judged or guilty because i always stick to the rules and do i come off judgy? i don’t try to i try so hard to be openminded but then i’m just accused of becoming a screaming liberal what do you want from me, i just don’t know how to be anything but a pleaser. 

anyway i made the mistake this morning of responding when she was telling me that she doesn’t understand why i’m so defensive and i told her the truth that she has always criticized my friends be it that “piper was obviously raised without enough supervision and that’s why she drinks and likes to push boundaries and wants to be older than she is which is why i’m worried about her influence on you” never mind that we’re 21 and she hasn’t done anything i don’t know for a fact my mom did at her age. and then courtney and jai-lyn and jessica and all the girls i hung out with in the library who were my only close friendships in middle school, they were just weird and had weird interests, even though all our interests were the same and i was also the “weird” kid at school, that’s why i didn’t have friends. we were weird because we were good at school, we were passionate about the books we were reading, we were stereotypical middle school fangirls, but at least we were happy? and we were age appropriate but it was never good enough and i should hang out more with the sort of girls on student council and on sports teams never mind that i tried that and we didn’t have anything in common, and they were mean and i was happy with my friends and i get she wanted to help but when i did have a problem with that group when i was upset that hope had been secretly pregnant in high school and had her sister lie to us for months and we only found out because she posted a photo at seven months on facebook and i was just upset she hadn’t trusted us to have her back when we had been so close and just wanted to vent to my mother and have her on my side it was all “well maybe you should have been more approachable and less judgmental like you’re being now” like i know that but i just wanted someone to acknowledge that the lying was shitty. and even if i did mess up, i was fifteen and just wanted my mom to be conforting. but i can never vent because all i get are suggestions on what to do better and i appreciate the intent, i do, but occasionally i would like to be told that i’m good enough.

so anyway i said that i was wrong to be so defensive i just felt that she was trying to criticize either my friend or my ability to perceive my friend because when she complains about my friends i feel like i have to defend myself and them. and she went off on my about how she was just trying to help me be a good friend so that i would be able to be there for her because her own friends hadn’t been there for her, and her mom hadn’t supported her, and no one believed her when she was raped and since i know that i should be a little more aware, and i should know that my mother is not an evil person, and that she is not trying to be malicious, and how hurt she is by me saying that she criticizes my friends when i have heard her say the same thing about her mother, and how dare i imply she’s a bad mom like her mother when i know how much she has hurt her” and this whole time i’m trying to explain that i know she’s not trying to hurt me, i know her intentions are good, i’m just trying to say how it made me feel but she’s talking over me and i’m also annoyed that she’s kinda implying that if we hadn’t had this conversation i wouldn’t be there for my friend when she needed me and also implying that i wouldn’t believe my friends if they came to me about a sexual assault. like, give me some credit here. i’m usually the one between my mother and i who’s saying we need to address rape culture, and women’s word should be more valued, but now i’m the bad guy because it hasn’t happened to me.

and i know my mom had trauma. so many of her parenting choices so obviously link back to what i know about her past.  She was the youngest of three kids and an accident later in life so her parents were kinda sick of the whole parenting thing and were almost completely hands-off, which let my mom get in a lot of bad situations, so she micromanaged everything. I was the textbook overachieving child has no idea what to do when everyone else catches up. i got good grades in school, so if my grades ever were less than perfect i apparently wasn’t trying hard enough and she knew i could do better so why was i letting myself down like this and when i got straight a’s or awards it wasn’t “i’m so proud of how hard you worked” it was “i’m proud of how smart you are” or “i wish i had been that smart” which sounded nice but ignored that i had to bust my ass for those grades, at the expense of extracurriculars and friendships and my mental health to the point that i had a breakdown in the middle of my senior english class over getting an 89 on essay because failing wan’t okay and anything that would drop my grade from an A+ was a failure. nevermind that my little brother was rewarded anytime he got a grade higher than a D because they expected them to fail. 

and its like that in so many areas. nothing i ever do is good enough on its own. its just “okay, now what are you going to do next” and I feel like i’m drowning here. If its not my friends, it’s my lack of a dating life. My whole childhood, she told me not to get married or have kids young because it would ruin my life (she was twenty when she married my dad and 21 when she had me) and how disappointing it was to see all these young girls more focused on dating and romantic validation instead of school or their careers. She was happy i didn’t date in high school (I didn’t have the time to date and still get perfect grades, even if i had wanted to). but now i’m about to graduate college and have still never been in a relationship (i still don’t have time to get good grades, have a job [since i’m mostly on my own for school costs], write a thesis for the honors program she wouldn’t let me drop, hang out with friends and date, and i’m pretty sure i’m ace) and suddenly she wants to ask me about whether i’m seeing someone every time i call home and is getting progressively more frustrated that “i’m too shy and not willing to make this a priority”. and 1) why the hell would you think it was going to magically become a priority when my whole life you have told me it shouldn’t be, and 2) i’m pretty sure i’m asexual, and have no fucking clue what my romantic orientation is but i might be into girls a little because the closest things to crushes I've ever had have been toward my female friends, and that’s a whole other can of worms since when i experimentally float the concept of asexuality or not being interested in sex i get dismissed and while she says she’s okay with my cousin being gay anytime someone makes a joke about the possibility of my brother or I being on the LGBT spectrum the whole family makes really homophobic comments. and i’m torn because if she ever found out i was scared to come out to her she’d be really pissed and hurt about “how dare i think she would react badly” but i’m pretty sure she would react badly, either in anger or in dismissive “you’re being ridiculous, you just don’t know what you’re missing”. i get that one a lot. I've talked about how i have no interest in ever being pregnant and she just keeps telling me i’m wrong to not want that experience regardless of the fact that i have really bad type 3 EDS that i get from her (though her case isn’t as bad) which is a connective tissue disorder that goes hand and hand with POTS and i already have chronic dislocations, severe scoliosis, am in constant pain, and a heart arrhythmia. Plus, we know that my symptoms already get worse when my hormones get out of wack during my period, and pregnancy is known to make eds so much worse, permanently (since its a degenerative condition). And she’s always dealing with consequences of being pregnant that are worse because of the eds, like how the scar-tissue from her c-section is much worse than it should be and keeps causing adhesions that cause her a lot of pain, and pelvic floor keeps trying to collapse, and i almost died during labor because the stress fucked with my heart so bad. and i know of women with eds whose joints were permanently fucked or who know have to walk with a cane because of how much damage their pelvises went through in childbirth, so yeah i’d rather not risk it when i’ve always wanted to adopt anyway but anytime i express any of this she gets upset because either “i’m so sorry your mother is an idiot! It’s not like she speaks from experience” <- exact quote, or “you need to stop letting this illness dictate your life, i didn’t raise a victim but that's the problem with your generation, you always think you’re a victim” which argh. and i might be okay with that last argument if she didn’t constantly tell me that i need to be more proactive about taking care of my body because of my condition (which is exactly what i’m trying to do with the not wanting to be pregnant thing, but apparently this just applies to how i need to eat better and exercise more ]even though most exercises hurt and use up too many spoons for me to work out and do everything else i need to] because i can’t afford to gain anymore weight [again, this is why i have so much fucking guilt every time i eat], or to how i apparently need to tell everyone in my life that i could faint at anytime [but stop making everything about your condition, Nicole]).

Anyway, long story short, i feel like nothing i ever do is good enough and i always have to be the bigger person and let it go when i’m upset. and i do love her, and i know she loves me but it just feels conditional even if i’m pretty sure its not. and i never know if i’m being too hard on, since i know she has trauma and is trying to help, but i have trauma too even if a different kind, and i have diagnosed but unmedicated anxiety and depression and i need validation from others and i just want to be told one time that i’m enough or that she’s sorry for all of the pressure she constantly puts on me, and i feel guilty for being so selfish when she needs me but, also, she’s my mom? i’m sick of having to parent everyone around me and then getting told its none of my business and i need to be more respectful. I just can’t win and i feel like i’m going to explode and i feel so guilty and so angry at myself and at her and then more guilt and anger for feeling guilt and anger to the point that i don’t know how to feel anything anymore. today’s just a really bad day and i feel like i keep getting more and more broken and conflicted about everything from politics to sexuality to religion i don’t know what to feel or what i think anymore...

[popatochisssp]

Hi, I love all your headcannons about the boys in a relationship. But they got me wondering, since no relationship is totally perfect, what might be some negative traits the boys have, things they do, or just behaviors in general that could put a strain on the relationship or might need to be talked out to continue?

Oh, I’m glad you asked because you’re right, they’re not perfect at all! There’s lots of habits and quirks they all have, but that’s too subjective– a habit that might bug one person could be totally fine by another!– so we’ll go with our boys’ biggest flaws in a relationship! >:3

*Especially important for the ‘fell and horror universe boys, I’ll be taking a ‘fresh out of the Underground’ lens on this, not accounting for any potential Surface growth or therapy that could take place and ameliorate some of these things!*

Sans (Undertale): He is lazy. So, so lazy. Surely, this isn’t much of a surprise to anyone, but you can imagine how it could be an annoying trait in your partner– he’s never going to do a chore or go out of his way to take care of something for you, and he’s an all-around pro at ducking responsibility. It also means that if he doesn’t already care about something, trying to spark an investment from him is…kinda impossibly unlikely, which can definitely be frustrating for his s/o!

Papyrus (Undertale): It’s not intentional, but he has a tendency to be pushy. He’s enthusiastic and has some pretty firm convictions and so sometimes, entirely without meaning to, he’ll steamroll right over his s/o and what they might want. It can hurt his s/o’s feelings to be talked over and spoken for before they can put their two cents in, but it just doesn’t always occur to him that people might have perspectives different than his own. His s/o has to be able to assert themselves when they really don’t want to do something and aren’t just being playfully shy or stubborn about it, or they might end up peer-pressured into stuff a lot.

Sky (Underswap Sans): Do you like your personal space? Want some significant amounts of time by yourself? Then you’re going to struggle if you’re Sky’s s/o because he can get very clingy. It comes from a good place, he’s a very social guy and if his s/o is his favorite person, then of course their company is going to be his favorite, too! He wants to spend a ton of time with them, whether they’re doing something together or not, and he’s hard to shake with off-the-cuff excuses about why his s/o can’t hang out with him: he’ll know they’re lying and think that something might be wrong and then he’s definitely not going anywhere. If his s/o can’t figure out how to tell him, on a regular basis and without hurting his feelings, that they need space from him to decompress, they’re going to end up exhausted.

Paps (Underswap Papyrus): He’s stubborn. It’s rare for him to make firm judgments on something one way or the other, but once he has, that’s pretty much it. He’ll really dig his heels in if his s/o tries to change his mind, too, and it takes a long time and a lot of arguing about whatever it is to even get him to consider changing his opinion. For his s/o, it probably feels like they’re banging their head against a brick wall, like he’s not even listening to what they’re saying and they can very easily end up feeling disrespected by this immovable object of a skeleton.

Jasper (Underfell Sans): He’s too closed off. It’s self-protective–he’d be a shaking, emotional wreck after the Underground if he’d let just anybody in close enough to see him vulnerable and open himself up to getting hurt–but it can turn around and be a very painful, hurtful thing for his s/o to deal with. When he’s going through something, his first instinct is always to hide it until it blows over so his s/o never even knows he was struggling. They’ll undoubtedly catch hints from time to time that maybe Jasper needs support, but he always hesitates to let them in, and they can’t do anything as long as they’re stuck on the outside of his emotional walls. It’s a very bad feeling thinking your loved one doesn’t trust you enough to let you help and he’ll need a lot of time and love and trust to make even a little progress at this.

Pyre (Underfell Papyrus): Another one that shouldn’t be surprising, but he’s arrogant. He has a pretty big ego and he never easily accepts it when he may have been wrong, blustering and convoluting until it seems like he was right all along– the equivalent of a cat falling off a counter and acting like they meant to do it. He may also condescend a lot to his s/o and fall into an Underground-developed habit of treating them as an underling or an accessory more than a loved one. It’s instinctive and would probably have kept them safe from opportunist monsters if they were back down there, but on the Surface it can get incredibly tiring and even hurtful for his s/o to cater to that kind of ego all the time. If he catches their patience running out and he sees them rolling their eyes or making a snarky comment in exasperation at his narcissism, well, he’s probably going to get upset about it and the two of them will have a fight. He has a lot of acclimating to do to this relatively peaceful world where relationships can be equal without also being a weakness.

Mal (Swapfell Sans): This guy’s the definition of ‘trust issues.’ He can be downright problematically invasive and probing about…pretty much everything, if given a reason to be. It’s not an s/o-specific thing, he’s like that with everybody, but his s/o will probably (and absolutely should) take issue with how little respect he has for privacy. It’s his lingering paranoia from the Underground keeping him constantly alert for backstabbers and betrayers, so if someone as close to him as his partner starts acting secretive around him, he has to investigate. It may be innocent, like a surprise party for his birthday or something, but until he finds out what’s up, there isn’t much that’s off the table: he’ll cyberstalk social media for information, discreetly follow them in real life if they go out unexpectedly, and if they leave their phone with him unattended and unlocked, he’s definitely skimming through some recent messages, just to be sure. He’s not a bad person, he just has some very bad (survival-based) habits. The only saving grace is that his s/o probably won’t find out he sometimes does this stuff because he’s careful, but that doesn’t make it cool and he won’t really stop until he truly, fully trusts his s/o–and that’s a long time coming after everything he’s been through.

Rus (Swapfell Papyrus): Rus cannot have an argument to save his life. He’s not what you’d call a pacifist, not entirely accurately at least– he’s been in his fair share of fights Underground, after all, and he’d fight again if his life was on the line– but he doesn’t like conflict or anything resembling it. It sounds like a good thing on paper because his s/o automatically wins any disagreement that looks like it could turn into a fight, but it’s so terrible in practice for maintaining a healthy relationship. He’ll go along with anything his s/o wants to avoid the conflict, even if it might make him unhappy because he doesn’t want them to be upset at him. It’s also at least 90% conciliatory and if it was about a behavior of his, there’s a very high chance that nothing will actually change, but he’ll nod and agree and promise to do things differently just to keep the argument from happening and then…not, actually. The idea of a constructive or helpful argument is entirely foreign to him, those didn’t exist where he came from and he just wants things to be cool, he’ll say whatever he’s gotta say to make it be cool. His s/o can build up a lot of frustration and unhappiness from that if they can’t convince him to learn some better communication strategies.

Slate (Horrortale Sans): Obviously, it’s not his fault, but he’s forgetful. He generally remembers the big stuff and he does better when something feels important as it’s happening, but as a rule his level of recall is hit or miss. He’s bad at remembering birthdays and other important dates and if he forgets to write a reminder to himself about it, he’s just not going to be there for whatever his s/o needed. It can be hard for an s/o who isn’t prepared to take on so much of the mental load in a relationship without much guarantee of help, especially because they can’t get mad at him for it, not in good conscience, anyway– he didn’t ask for the giant hole in his skull, he’d love a reliable memory as much as they would! He’ll do his best to retain as much as he can, but even with notes and reminders, a lot of things his s/o tells him just get lost to the void and that’s a hard thing to be okay with right away.

Papy (Horrortale Papyrus): He’s…maybe a tad too flippant about things. It’s a defense mechanism he developed Underground, a sort of gallows humor that he relied on to keep his generally upbeat attitude when monsters had to resort to eating humans and each other to stay alive, and even that wasn’t sustainable and there was a very real possibility that his entire species could go extinct in a matter of years, if not months. It was dark times and he couldn’t let himself get invested in every little thing! …but it’s also probably a little disturbing for his s/o when he, say, breaks a bone and only uses a silly, made-up curse word like, “Oh, Sugarbeans, That’s Inconvenient, Isn’t It!” or they hear the extreme, casual frankness he’ll use to discuss even graphic gore and violence like it doesn’t faze him. It’s a little sociopathic, honestly, and his s/o will probably have a lot of moments where they just don’t know how they’re supposed to respond when they see this unnervingly light attitude in their otherwise loving, gentle partner.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand now I feel a little guilty for all this trash-talking of my boys, so expect another headcanon post soon-ish, pro bono– just like this one, but about their virtues in a relationship instead of just their vices.

They are good boys who would be delightful partners in spite of these pitfalls, I promise! XD

[tuffin-tuffmuffin]

Art from the talented @goattrain.

Resistance, Dinner

For the second time in a row, the setting sun only gave Natasatch worry.

It had been months since Natasatch watched a human settlement commence its nightly rituals, and certainly in a better context this time. The marketplace folded itself neatly into the trailers it sprung forth from, and the permanent hanging holiday lights gave the compact streets a completely different atmosphere. There were a few humans milling about, most of them militia guards, but a few were those who missed out on satisfying their curiosity of the local alien earlier in the day. None gave her anything resembling trouble, however, and she took the time to peruse the amenities until she grew bored. Inevitably, her mind turned to her friend Malcolm, who had passed through the marketplace fourteen times on his aimless walking. She counted.

Natasatch knew he needed help. How to achieve that was one of her greatest challenges yet.

Ultimately, she decided to copy her friend’s strategy, applied to the very same friend. Experience showed Malcolm was happiest when sharing “human culture.” The formerly-upbeat human had a list of memorabilia or events he insisted she must experience eventually, one that she had trouble remembering at the moment. Near the end of the day, the sight of one such promised experience on the edge of the marketplace jogged Natasatch’s memory, and fortunately, Aida’s blanket discount applied.

The reserve that Safari Outpost eventually became already possessed a restaurant, and little had changed in the fifteen years since it officially closed, or so she was told. Busts of dead animals and pictures of humans with firearms lined the walls, all cast in a soft yellow from the few hanging lights that still worked. The wooden-floored center of the rectangular building was empty. It was late, and Natasatch surmised the restaurant must’ve already served its regular patrons. Only a waiter and a bartender remained, but both seemed to be quietly working once their orders were placed. The two looked nearly as antique as their restaurant, and they weren’t going to let any alien interrupt their routine. Malcolm sat opposite her in the corner table for two. Natasatch still found human chairs difficult, and opted to rest upright on her own coils where her seat would be. In the background, a wooden jukebox delivered music consisting of simple guitar strings, but their focus was elsewhere. An electric imitation of a candle added an orange glow to their faces: one hopeful, one sullen.

Malcolm cut off a slice from the “steak,” which was an ADVENT burger patty in a different shape with some minced plants and sauce on top. He took a bite and said, “You know what? You’re doing your best, and I’m proud of you, actually.” Natasatch, who was debating between awkwardly imitating the human food custom or simply snatching the identical meal in one bite, looked up at her companion. “What do you mean? “Trying to cheer me up. The food, the small talk, and the sort. Getting my mind off our shitty vacation.” He had a bit of his confidence back, but a sense of resignation offset whatever gain she witnessed. “Is it working?” Natasatch asked. “Not really.”

Natasatch deflated instantly. She let out a tsssk, but managed to prevent it from becoming a full hiss. Her frustration lingered. “I’m... trying. What more do I need to do to make it work?” He shrugged. “I don’t think you can, to be honest. I’m a tough case.” She rose to the challenge. “I learned ‘cheering up’ from you. What makes you special, that it wouldn’t work?” He chose not to answer directly. After a few moments, he sighed and said, “I did this talk for Ackers too.” “Hmm?” “That’s why this one bites hardest. Ackers is- was, I suppose now- he was a unique friend to me. We’re assigned to the same cramped bunk; he gets it night hours, me the day hours. He started out real quiet, since he had been through a lot, like the rest of us. Family suffocated by viper poison, he admitted after I got him a few drinks at the bar, in a spot just like this one.” Nat commented, “This situation... is similar, yes.” “But Ackers, he also didn’t say he just wanted to kill aliens. He said he wanted to make the world safer for his sister.” She tried her best to put aside every instinct telling her to make Ackers suffer for his betrayal, and tried to view him through a sympathetic light. Just like Malcolm would. “In a way, I suppose I could understand. He still viewed me as a threat, and one that everyone in XCOM seemed to be blind to.” “That’s horseshit.” Her first thought was that Malcolm had never said anything so gruff before. Her second thought was to wonder what a horse was. Malcolm cut off a slice of his food, chewing away in the silence. When it was obvious Natasatch wasn’t going to speak first, he continued, “You look surprised to hear that. Probably thinking I would say ‘He’s really a good guy this,’ ‘his parents were killed by Vipers’ like that’d make everything okay. Ackers was ready to throw away everything he stood for, to try to murder us ‘cause of a grudge meant for someone else.” “Yes.” She gave an awkward laugh, which died the moment it left her mouth. “I feel like we decided to switch the sides of the argument between us.”

“And you’re probably right. In fact, I know I should be at his side. Hell, before today, I’d be first in line for the Ackers Defense Squad. ‘Till this. Cuts right through my lie.”

A pause, and the Viper blinked. “Lie?”

Malcolm sighed, then focused on her. “This lie,” he said in a resigned tone. Then he smiled.

It was Malcolm’s regular, easy-going, worry-assuring look, once again on her human friend’s face. His lips pulled back across his white teeth, the muscles pausing in the right spots to create youthful dimples, and the way one corner of his mouth rested further back than the other... and the warm look in his eyes, bright and brown, impervious to the damage that their owner suffered yesterday. Natasatch almost reflexively grinned back, caught herself, but then let it show. Why would she need to conceal it, after all?

Then there was only one smile at the table. Hers. Her human friend looked back at her, sullen and shaken once more. His eyes drifted down to her mouth, still pulled into a happy look, and she sensed his skin grow cold as his muscles clenched. As if he realized a terrible mistake. Natasatch put her smile on hold. “I’m... afraid I don’t follow.”

“Me,” Malcolm gestured toward himself in its entirety. “I’m the lie.”

Her mind raced, a hundred horrifying possibilities dueling for control of her mind. Was he confessing his guilt as an ADVENT spy? Some advanced Faceless? Mind control puppet? Something worse? Natasatch looked around, seeing how the chef and waiter reacted, only to find them gone and herself alone. She was still on edge, ready to fight or flee, as he continued. “I mean, it’s an act. A sham. Not the real me. It pays off being raised by thespians.”

Thespians... actors? What? She finally externalized one of her countless questions. “Then who are you actually, Malcolm Silva?”

“I’m pretty damn depressed, actually,” Malcolm responded without missing a beat.

When it became clear Natasatch wasn’t prepared to respond, Malcolm calmly continued, “I think my parents raised me right. Community-minded, moral, always seeing the best in people, and an aficionado of the cultural arts. That got them killed by us, other humans, volunteering for ADVENT outreach in our slums when ADVENT was still deciding if the carrot or the stick worked better. Everyone else I knew died when the aliens brought the stick down on the entire favela. My parent’s dream of a better world was doomed from the start because us humans were gonna let fear and paranoia ruin it and the aliens were gonna prove their fear and paranoia right. Maybe, one day, we can fight off ADVENT, but our real enemy is gonna be ourselves.”

Malcolm looked her in the eyes, resting his chin on his hands. With a sorrowful calmness, he said, “Even in the group most likely to change the world for the better, human nature is going to win out.”

“Would you say the same, even if you were not swimming in pain-killers?” Natasatch asked.

“Well, I admit I get philosophical when I’m loopy, but all this was there before.” He appeared slightly annoyed as he responded.

“So, where did this ‘lie’ come from?

“Acting is just another kind of lying, Nat. You pretend you’re someone you aren’t, saying a script that isn’t true, convincing others that you’re genuine.” He shrugged. “Like I said, it pays to have thespian parents.”

“That is not quite what I asked, Malcolm. Why did you even ‘lie’ about being happy at all? There are no shortage of traumatized soldiers on the Avenger. You would have fit right in.”

“I...” he trailed off. “Well, you’re right about that,” Malcolm conceded. “That’s all I saw when I first stepped on board. Nothing but misery everywhere. I guess I must like being a rebel, because I just... put on that mask as a spur of the moment, and then never really took the smile off.”

The Viper focused in on Malcolm, upset without anger, interrogatory without malice. “Then explain why you tried to rescue me when your comrades would rather me dead? Why try to teach me about human culture and ethics and history? Why would you even bother to show me Star Trek? Was every single one of those a calculated ploy?”

“Well, I had Star Trek on hand anyway,” Malcolm mumbled. She raised an eye ridge. Of the expressions she’d copied from her humans, she enjoyed that one the most, since humans somehow always knew the thought behind the gesture. This time was no different.

He sighed, and shrugged, not looking her in the eyes. “...I think I started believing in that lie for a bit too. ‘Specially after everyone started lightening up around you, it started getting easier to tell myself tomorrow was going to be better when I woke up. ... Least ‘till Ackers pulled the curtain back on what I’d ignored.”

“You know what I think?” Natasatch offered, not giving him time to brood. “I think that whatever you claimed to think before, you actually still believe in that pointless optimism, because now you have proof you were right.”

“What?”

The alien lowered her head, meeting him at eye level. The electric candle’s glow against her scales shimmered, and her hood’s slight flex solidified her human’s attention. Natasatch placed her hand, the one that Malcolm bandaged, over his own injured forearm, and gave him the most determined look she could. Yet, in the alien’s genetically-engineered eyes, he saw nothing but sympathy and kindness in the deep red, and in turn Natasatch saw a spark of understanding in his.

This.

Moistness came at the edges of Malcolm’s eyes. “I’ve already killed more aliens than I’ll ever befriend, Natasatch,” he almost whispered. She finally recognized the guilt for what it was.

“That is not true,” came the gentle counter. Yet, Natasatch found the answer she sought. You do care.

It was another few moments before Malcolm finally broke eye contact. The Viper took a deep breath, and started again. “Look, Malcolm, you may have killed many ADVENT, and you’ll probably have to kill many more.”

“That... really doesn’t help, Nat.”

“Yet, if those you ended were offered the same choice you gave me, not all of them would have been your enemies.”

He actually seemed to recoil from that. “I could have... Nat, you’re doing the opposite of consoling m-”

“Listen, Malcolm. We did what we needed to survive, so do not begrudge yourself for that. But the other aliens like me will never get that choice as long as the Elders control them, but you may have been the first to convince your kind to make the offer. Do not ever forget or downplay what you’ve accomplished.”

The human gave a humorless chuckle. “Watch me. In fact, yesterday you just watched me almost get die trying it again! I’ve started this dance before, Nat, and it’s ended in misery each time. Even if I keep trying, even when it works, it’s a drop in the bucket for the better Earth we need. If that future happens —which it can’t— I’m never going to reach it.”

“Not without me at your side,” Natasatch affirmed. She slid her hand back and clasped his fingers in her palm, giving it a small squeeze. Humans preferred to confirm deals with a handshake, after all, though her adjusted version was far from standard. A curious heat bloomed on Malcolm’s face, around the cheeks, and she couldn’t explain why seeing such gave her a feeling of contentment. “After all, you wouldn’t survive for a minute without my help.”

Finally, a genuine smirk, one that Malcolm was actively struggling to suppress. “I’m gonna drag you down with me, Nat. I can’t do that to you.”

“Perhaps you will. Perhaps not. Everything in XCOM seems to a roll of the dice. Until we get unlucky, I promise to do my utmost to make sure we both see it. Together.”

Then she tilted her head to the side, ponderous and mischievous both. “...But only if you promise me something in return.”

“What’s that?”

“Stop being depressed.”

He gave her a look he reserved for displays of severe naivety, the one weapon in his arsenal that could legitimately still discourage her. “That’s not how depression works, Nat. It’s... chemical, and psychological. The right medication helps along with therapy, but ADVENT’s got a monopoly on antidepressants and our only psychiatrist shot himself.” He paused as he realized what let slip so matter-of-factly. “Damn, that apparently just happened when I went onboard, a month before the Commander was rescued. Explains why everyone seemed extra miserable.”

Her hood dropped, dissatisfied. She didn’t like his response, but there still didn’t seem like an easy fix to his ‘depression.’ “Alright, then you will promise two easier somethings for me.”

“Fine. The first?”

“You can promise me to smile right now.”

“One fake smile, coming up.”

The smile seemed convincing, but Natasatch wasn’t yet able to know for sure. His expression looked touched by mirth and misery both, the former only overcoming the latter when the soft guitar tune in the background switch to a track with a higher, variable tempo. Natasatch heard it before, trying to recall its name. Flamenco? Yes, Malcolm enjoyed this style. She did as well, noticing her tail-tip start to sway in time to the drum beat.

“What’s the second promise, Nat?”

A tongue shot out to her plate, bringing the entirety of the ADVENT steak into her mouth, followed by another shot stealing away the remaining half of Malcolm’s meal. Her human had reflexively pulled his hand away from the surprise, but the incredulous, amused, yet not annoyed face he made sparked a familiar feeling of contentment in her.

Without addressing the theft, she asked, “You fulfilled the second. Now, will you be more honest with your feelings from now on?”

“You know what?” Malcolm pushed his chair back, using his uninjured arm to help him rise. He caught sight of the Viper’s tail waggling to the beat, and his own hand began to tap on the table in unison. He stretched slightly, closing his eyes and focusing on the tune. It was just the two of them and their music. “Honestly, I feel...”

The smile Natasatch saw couldn’t possibly be faked.

“...I feel like dancing! Let’s go!” Malcolm announced, clasping his hands over hers and tugging.

Natasatch had no response for this direction of her human’s spontaneity. "Wait, Maaaaaal-!"

But he was already in motion, and was pulling her along to the open space in front of the jukebox. Well, he tried to, anyway. Malcolm’s stretching stood no chance against half an hour of sitting, and his leading step was onto his injured leg to boot, so he would have quickly danced his face into the floor if his Viper hadn't been there to pull him back upright. He continued, undeterred, moving and swaying while Natasatch awkwardly fell into complimentary motions.

Obviously the painkillers haven’t worn off. She nearly shrieked, “This is a terrible idea! You need rest!”

“Terrible ideas will save the world. You said so yourself!” He replied, thankfully using his uninjured foot to stamp along to the rhythm.

“I said no such thing!”

“Pretty sure you did. Now, move! You have two feet, use them!”

The Viper was too busy floundering to counter his joke. Her face ran hot, but she thankfully remembered nobody was there to see her struggle. Yet, dancing was an action she possessed zero experience in. She gripped Malcolm’s hands tighter as she swerved, somehow bumping into two tables simultaneously. “How?!”

“Fake it until you make it. Works every time!”

Natasatch gave up trying to copy the human’s motions, instead just going with the physical curve of her body. Oddly enough, the less she focused on imitation, the more natural the motions felt. Her random tail lifts and sways eventually evened out, progressing along with the beat of the song. The unconscious movement of her tail played itself over the whole of her body. When she got a glimpse of Malcolm, bruised and bandaged and trying to ignore the fact, she saw his face content but eyes closed, the moistness at their edges returned.

At that, a peacefulness came over Natasatch. She could close her eyes, and not worry that Malcolm would crush her tail underfoot, that or a series of bullets would burst through the shuttered windows. Here she was, enjoying a song she was never meant to listen to, swaying to a dance she was never intended to, holding onto a human she should have never spoken to. The unique combination of closeness and color and music and warmth gave her a sensation that she never felt before, nor knew how to describe.

Everything else felt secondary, after that. The music continued but felt mostly ignored, the furniture melted away, and even the inevitable stumble on the tail was corrected with a low scoop and dip. The two might have danced their way outside, but she couldn’t quite tell. She only noticed the warmth of their contact contrasted by the sudden coolness of the air.

When there was no more music left between the two, the Viper slowly opened her eyes. All she could see was Malcolm, hands still grasping hers, standing bathed in moonlight against a black background. Genuinely happy, and certainly exhausted. Natasatch couldn’t help but smile when he awakened to her gaze, his deep copper meeting her deep red.

He spoke something, but she couldn’t hear it, because she finally noticed her ears were filled already. A low droning she had practically ignored gradually increased in volume until she could recognize it as a lift engine, and it kept booming as she finally noticed movement above and to her left. She looked up, seeing a blinding light in one half of her vision and the rear portion of Firebrand’s dropship in the other. Looking around, she saw the darkened buildings of Safari that the searchlight blinded her to, and the few denizens stuck between gawking at the two dancers and the squad of XCOM soldiers rappelling down from the aircraft.

They were equipped in their glittering plated armor as if an ADVENT fortress was next on their hit list, but fortunately their boxy magnetic weapons were pointed everywhere but the two. Their comrades were obviously past taking any chances. Natasatch and Malcolm quickly and awkwardly broke their security cling, as Central himself lowered his retrofitted combat rifle and stepped forward, sizing up their numerous injuries.

“Well, Sergeant...s,” Central started, hastily making the rank plural, ”Hmm, no funny quip, Silva?”

Malcolm composed himself. “Honestly Bradford, I’m just glad you’re here.”

“We’re XCOM. We don’t turn our back on our own.”

Natasatch smiled. Finally, their longest day came to an end.

This one scene was the real reason why it took me so long to continue this story. I had to get it just right, and I’m still not sure if I did, but I’m still pretty happy with what it became.

Thank you to @tehangryxeno for proofreading

Link to the Chapter Index

[areyouscarletcold]

Call’s May Favorites: Day Nineteen - Coldflash, Inkheart Au

Also fulfilling my @coldflashweeks bingo square for “Hurt/Comfort” and now on Ao3!

And happy birthday to me!

Nora hadn’t gone down to bed easily. She was too curious for her own good, something Barry knew he probably should have discouraged years ago but couldn’t help but usually be proud of her for.

In cases of life and death, however, her tenacity just exhausted him.

He ran both hands down his face, leaning back against the kitchen cabinets and letting his head knock against the wood. He didn’t mind his daughter asking questions, not really, and she was smart, could fill in the blanks where she saw fit, but it was too late to be having conversations about the past.

Especially when he wasn’t prepared for them himself.

The thing was, part of Barry had known this day would come. He’d run from it for years, bottled up his grief so tight that it seared his soul to pretend nothing was wrong and he and Nora had lived like this forever. Just a father traveling around the country with his daughter, never quite settling down for more than a month at a time before the paranoia struck, or he caught a glimpse of a familiar head of hair.

And then they’d pack their bags and go - again. It didn’t matter where, didn’t matter how; they just needed to be far away from their temporary home as they could get.

He didn’t know how they’d found them after all this time, but Barry wasn’t about to lose the only family he had left. Not to people he knew wouldn’t give a damn about her, except to use Nora as leverage.

It was moments like this that he wanted to glance over his shoulder, meet Iris’s gaze, and plead with her to help him, tell him what to do. It seemed like she always knew just what to say - how to calm Nora down when she had a temper tantrum, how to soothe the grief after his parents died.

How to convince him to do the one thing he’d sworn never to do again, even when she hadn’t known it would doom her to a life...well, wherever she was now.

Someone cleared their throat beside him and Barry nearly jumped out of his skin. He spun around, arms rising to do something - maybe as an attempt to protect himself or shove the intruder away, who knew - but his hands were caught almost immediately, tucked against their chest like this was some bizarre form of defense for Barry. He opened his mouth to shout, but that familiar smirk caused him to falter just long enough to recognize who he was frowning at.

“Should I be flattered that you thought you could take me down with just your fists?” Snart’s voice was unusually soft and he knew it had to be because Nora was sleeping, which was oddly considerate for a thief and a liar, but he still shuddered at the feel of their hands trapped between their chests, the low drawl he’d grown too accustomed to already. “Hardly a hospitable way to greet your houseguest.”

Barry snorted. “Houseguest? Is that what you are, now?”

Snart looked even more amused, as if he recognized the irony too. Which he likely had, the jerk. “Nora seems to think so.”

Her name was a bucket of ice water, a shock back to the reality of the situation, and Barry pulled his hands out of Snart’s grasp, a little surprised when the man let him go willingly. He glared at Snart. “Only because there’s no good way to explain why I was letting a wanted thief into our house. And I definitely don’t appreciate your little visit, by the way. It - Did you really have to barge in during dinner?”

“I believe knocking is considered polite. Not quite ‘barging’ - ”

“Snart.”

The thief held up his hands in surrender. “I’m just saying.”

“I know why you’re here.” That got Snart to quieten, his face going carefully blank in that way that meant he was listening, even if he didn’t want to. Barry wanted to hate that he knew him so well.

Then again, it would be a dream come true for anyone to meet their heroes, right? Some people idolized Harry Potter or Bilbo Baggins - the stereotypical hero model everyone recognized nowadays.

But, no. Barry had to have a crush on the wanted thief in his favorite childhood book.

He could almost envision Iris standing beside him and snickering, reminiscing on how they used to read Inkheart together, her reading out loud because he refused to, and the endless teasing that had ensued. It’d been long before he realized he was bisexual, before either of them could even put it into words, and while the teasing had been nothing but playful, it struck a chord with him now every time he had to look Leonard Snart in the eye because he was real and here and Barry had done this.

And then he would remember the price he had paid to bring this character to life in the first place and that short-lived awe would be snuffed out in an instant.

Too many people had paid the price of his mistakes, and he remembered every last one.

His sorrow must’ve shown on his face because Snart started to tilt his head, eyes narrowing. Barry shook himself out of his memories, though he was unable to stop himself from glancing in the direction of his daughter’s room, chewing on his bottom lip as he aimed to lower his voice and crossed his arms over his chest like the simple gesture would protect him.

“Look, whatever they’ve sent you for, I can’t help them. Honestly. I keep trying to tell them - ”

“I’m not here for Thawne.” The unreadable expression gave way to a stony anger, mixed with something he couldn’t put his finger on, and Snart stepped forward into Barry’s space, either oblivious or uncaring toward the way the latter backed further against the counter. “You know he would’ve come here himself if he could. Doesn’t exactly trust others.”

Or he just likes to manipulate people too much to do his own dirty work, Barry mused to himself with no small trace of bitterness. “That doesn’t explain the whole ‘barging in for an impromptu visit in front of my daughter’ ordeal. Why the hell else would you be here if it wasn’t for Thawne? To steal my silverware again?”

Snart’s mouth twitched. “As tempting an offer as that is - ”

“It was not an offer, you - ”

“I actually came here out of the goodness of my heart.” The sardonic tone didn’t inspire any response aside from a glare from Barry. “Call it a present, of sorts. To pay you back for your...generosity.”

“Generosity?”

“Well, wouldn’t be stuck here if it wasn’t for you, if I’m remembering right.”

Barry sidestepped Snart, his stomach churning as he jabbed a finger in the other’s direction, just daring him to move closer. “I didn’t want any of this to happen,” he hissed. “None of it.”

“Seemed pretty eager at the time,” Snart sneered.

“Right, because trying to fend off a man who might burn down my house and get three strangers out the door is the very definition of eager.”

“And who was it that contacted Thawne first to see if he wanted to go back?”

Barry dropped his hand with a huff. “What was I supposed to do? Again, call the arsonist who tried to kill me? Thawne was the one who stole the book, I figured it was a ‘two birds with one stone’ type of deal.”

Snart’s eyes narrowed. “For someone who supposedly knows all about our world, you’re painfully obtuse. Don’t you know anything about magic and working with sorcerers?”

“Why on earth would I?” Barry had to pause so he didn’t yell his next words, but just gritting his teeth in a poor effort to calm himself down succeeded in making him seethe. “Magic doesn’t exist! Not here, anyways! It’s not like I’ve had time to sit down and experiment or know what the fuck I’m doing or if this even is magic.”

“I think even a troll could’ve told you that.”

“It’s not like I’m reaping anything good out of this whole mess! Because yes, living like a fugitive with a daughter who’s almost a teenager and knows better is the life I wanted from a fucking bedtime story. I’m sorry that I ever brought you three out of that book, but if you’re going to stand here and deal out threats in my house then you’re going to have to - ”

“He’s planning to ambush you both tomorrow.”

“And here I thought you didn’t come here on his behalf. What, like I’m supposed to believe…” Barry paused again, that sickening coil around his insides like a snake seeking its next dinner rising once more. Amidst the anger in Snart’s eyes, there was a hint of sober regret he really didn’t like.

Oh.

Oh, god.

He wasn’t lying, he was serious, and that meant -

“They’ve known your whereabouts for a few weeks now,” Snart said, and at least he had the sense to lower his voice, the harshness fading as Barry had to look away because the walls felt like they were closing in on him and this couldn’t be happening. “Heard him mention they were to bring you both in, no questions asked, alive and well. I don’t know when, I only heard about the time frame.”

Coming to Thawne was one thing, especially when Barry knew he had the upper hand and trying to manipulate - not well, admittedly, but he was desperate even then - a sorcerer whose sole purpose in Inkheart came from showing off his intellect and terrifying decisions that lead to enslaving villages and gaining power through corruption and murder was not his smartest plan.

Having to run from Thawne was another matter entirely, especially when Barry realized too late in his efforts to “help” Thawne that he was the one being watched and toyed with until all hope was close to being squashed out of him. The last time he’d seen Thawne, he barely escaped with his life, and even then he’d prayed Nora wouldn’t be dead by the time he got home.

Thawne was going to do much worse things than Barry had tried to manipulate him into accomplishing.

He couldn’t even hurt Barry - not physically, that is. Attempts at torture had made him clam up faster than anything, and that had ended the moment the asshole recognized his resolve for what it was.

And if he wanted to, it wasn’t like there were many options left to try and hurt him. Barry had no home, no wife, little belongings that actually mattered to him from each move.

The one thing, no, the only thing that could ever hurt him was -

Nausea seized him and Barry made for the kitchen table, grabbing the first chair he saw as he forced himself to breathe. He heard Snart sigh somewhere behind him but he didn’t give a damn what the other man thought, shutting his eyes tight against the surge of panic that felt like it was expanding wider and wider in his chest. A fucking sorcerer from an imaginary world should’ve have this much power over him in a place where magic didn’t even exist.

“Why are you telling me this?”

Snart crossed the room, but thankfully kept his distance from Barry; something about being able to see his dark figure out of the corner of his eye was a simultaneous comfort and grievance. “Let’s just say, Thawne took something from me, and I’d like it back.”

Barry choked on a hollow laugh. “I don’t suppose you’re talking about some diamond, are you? Or did the ‘goodness of your heart’ come from a stupid game of Keep Away?”

“Thawne and I have never had similar goals.” There was that ice again, creeping slow and steady back into his voice. “You know he’d rather stay here than go back. Not when he knows how our little story ends.”

“I’m not in the mood for riddles,” Barry muttered, “so stop the cryptic bullshit, Snart.”

“Well, he’s going to use Nora to convince you to give him that power. And I don’t need to spell the consequences of that out for you in bold print, Barry, do I?”

The confirmation of his fears did nothing to reassure Barry, and he glanced over at Snart’s tight-lipped expression of what he’d swear was rage, which did even less to make him feel better. Though, it didn’t explain why Snart was angry, since he hardly knew Nora and Barry knew he cared about nothing more than money, thieving and getting back home after pestering Barry before he knew Thawne’s plan at all and -

Wait. No.

That wasn’t everything.

He imagined if Iris were here, she’d smack him on the forehead herself, rolling her eyes with a quiet, “You dummy,” to soften the blow. Somehow, that thought was mildly comforting too, in its own way.

“Your partner.” Snart stiffened, jaw clenching before he schooled his features - a millisecond of a reaction, but a reaction, nonetheless - and Barry couldn’t help but feel slightly vindicated. “Thawne’s got him, doesn’t he? Rory, right? That’s the catch of all this. You want me to free him.”

“Absolutely not. If you set foot anywhere within a couple towns’ radius of Thawne, he’ll be on you in seconds,” Snart said, his voice tight as if he were restraining himself from spitting in someone’s face. Whether it was Barry’s or Thawne’s, he wasn’t quite sure.

“But you’re - ”

“He’s not imprisoned.” It looked painful for him to even utter those words. “He stayed.”

But then why -

Oh.

(Maybe that should be his new catchphrase of the night, he thought, a little hysterically.)

Barry didn’t remember much about Mick Rory, but the man had never been much for small talk and brevities, staring with a greedy focus that he’d found eerily akin to Thawne’s at the time, fascinated by the mountains of gold and magic lamps and even the few dozen fairies he’d once managed to read out of some old folktales. He’d also kept close to Snart - always had, if Inkheart’s tale was true. He couldn’t recall the specifics but they’d grown up together, started out stealing and flourished from there, and…

Well, it seemed Rory had grown out of just stealing.

Or Snart had been the one to realize the bad hand they’d been played when Thawne’s shot at getting them home bolted off into the night with his daughter in tow.

Neither painted either’s motivations in a flattering light, but Barry knew Snart. Well enough, at least. And the man was a thief but he was calculating as Thawne, thinking ahead of the curve when he had to, making sure Barry saw him during those first few years when things were still new and Snart demanded for him to bring them home.

It was funny, but after all this time he still wasn’t sure why Snart wanted to return so badly. He and Rory wound up run out of town, after all, barely a penny to their name, never to be seen again. What could possibly be waiting for them back there in a world where autonomy was a joke compared to living?

Snart rolled his eyes and threw himself into the chair beside the one Barry still leaned against for support, lingering on the edge of the seat - cautious, until the end - as he drummed his fingers on the wood of the table. “So, you see, we both have a common goal.”

“I’d hardly call running from a manipulative asshole and wanting to get home the same goal.”

“Neither of us can do anything with Thawne hunting us.” Barry frowned, and Snart shook his head as if Barry was being trying on purpose. “He doesn’t take kindly to people telling him ‘no’, as you know.”

“How badly did you...tell him ‘no’?”

Snart grimaced. “Enough to nearly get sent free-falling into Arabian Nights for it.”

“You - wait, how would he even - ” Barry’s legs almost gave out as his jaw dropped. “He found someone else? Someone like - like me?”

“Not quite. They haven’t done more than swap animals around, monkeys and a few mice and the like. But, it’s his only back-up plan should capturing you fail. And he doesn’t intend to fail.”

Barry hadn’t even considered the idea of there being others out there who could read like him, who knew the pain of this game of chance that seemed like a wondrous gift at first glance. His heart went out to the poor soul, whoever they were, a sudden longing gripping him with both hands like a vice.

But the gravity of Snart’s words sank in as well, heavier than the revelation of another storyteller like him, and he knew what the other was trying to say.

“Nora and I can be out by dawn,” Barry said. “We don’t have much and I can pack it - ”

“They’ll find you just as quickly,” Snart cut him off. “It isn’t just him and Mick. How do you think he found you in the first place, kept track of your every move?”

Spies. Of course Thawne had spies - were they outside now, down the road, just waiting for the lights to go off and for him to fall asleep? What had Thawne possibly promised them, especially if they were ordinary -

Barry’s heart flew to his throat. “The storyteller… They haven’t brought over anyone yet.”

And they couldn’t have, not when these men could have come from passages Barry had read, speeding through them as he hoped to send Thawne back and free Iris and everything would work out so long as he kept reading and reading and reading until -

“He has his own army now,” Snart confirmed, his features softening as he likely read the horror written all over Barry’s face. “All followers or villagers from the book.”

“Fuck. Fuck my - fuck.” Barry buried his face in his hands, despair threatening to take hold and toss him overboard. “I should’ve known, I should’ve - this is all my fault. How am I supposed to run from an army? And Nora, she - ”

“She’ll be fine.”

Barry lifted his head with a snarl. “How? What about this screams ‘safe’ to you? If I take off, they’ll hunt us down again, but I can’t stay here like a sitting duck! There is literally nowhere to go! Even if I could, where would I?”

“Barry,” Snart said, raising an eyebrow, and he really didn’t like the tone the thief was taking, “I’d have thought you’d trust me by now to know when I at least have a plan.”

“Because that is supposed to reassure me?”

“Because I already got three tickets on the first train out of town - which leaves in less than two hours, so we really ought to hurry - and just enough for a car trip to an old friend’s place to lie low.”

He blinked at Snart dumbly. “An old friend.”

“Yes.”

“You have friends that aren’t arsonists? And are also from this world and not your book?”

Snart fixed him with an unimpressed glare. “Says the man whose only company has been his daughter for ten years.”

Barry winced. “Touché. Still doesn’t explain who your friend is, since you seem so keen on trusting them.”

“That is for me to know, and you to go pack and trust me over.” Barry started to protest, but the thief pressed a finger to his mouth, effectively shutting him up. Mostly out of surprise, to be honest, because he couldn’t remember the last time Snart had initiated touch with him that wasn’t meant to be constricting or threatening - including the moment earlier by the sink. He wasn’t sure why but his stomach gave another, weaker twist the longer he stared back at Snart. “You can worry and sleep on the train.”

“I - it’s almost midnight!”

“And? Do you think Thawne’s going to wait until it’s a decent hour?”

“Well, no, but…” Snart didn’t budge, his finger tapping against Barry’s bottom lip pointedly, which was really distracting, and Barry let out a groan, rubbing at his eyes with one hand. “Have you ever even ridden a train?”

“How do you think I got here?”

Right. He didn’t exactly have a driver’s license. Or a car.

Still, uncertainty plagued the back of his mind, hissing and spitting like a serpent of the worst kind.

He was tempted to act childish, push Snart away and go off to bed and sleep for once, but he knew the other man had a point. Bizarre as it was to be listening to him, of all people, especially when he had no idea where they might be going. For all Barry knew, they could be on a train to Thawne’s place within the hour!

But…

Barry did know Snart - or, he had a better sense of him from reading Inkheart, that is. And the thief was calculating and just as ruthless as Thawne when he wanted to be, but if there was one thing he truly cared about more than his lifestyle, it was his partner in crime.

And being outsmarted.

Both of which fell under the umbrella of this situation.

At least Barry had had experience in moving plenty of times before. Nora, though… She was used to it, but what the hell was he supposed to tell her? She was a smart girl, she’d figure it out in a heartbeat, if she hadn’t had an inkling already.

Barry slumped into the chair, shaking off Snart’s finger and heaving another groan into his hands before he peeked up at Snart. The glare was starting to dissolve in the face of Barry’s reluctant defeat, softening once more into something almost amicable.

“Even thieves have hearts of gold,” Iris had once teased him when they were little, poking him between his ribs when he griped at her to stop. His heart ached for the days of silly fights and not a care in the world, back before he’d discovered what he could do.

Before he sent Iris away and brought three criminals to life.

Snart’s knee nudged his and startled him out of the spiral he was edging toward, a light enough touch that Barry wondered if he’d actually felt it. Barry gave him a thin, grateful smile, but he couldn’t bring himself to move.

“She’ll be fine.” His heart clenched for a different reason, unsure what to do when Leonard Snart was offering the barest of comfort instead of sniping at him. “Your little girl’s strong. Does she know?”

Barry shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t even know how to tell her about Iris.”

“Does she have… You know…”

Fear punched a hole through his chest and Barry shook his head again, harder this time. “No. No, god, no. I don’t think so, at least. We’ve never - I haven’t read since Thawne. And I don’t let her do it out loud.”

“Good.” Snart nodded, averting his gaze as he scanned the room. Barry watched his shoulders relax, just for a moment, and he wondered if he was worried about Thawne bursting into the kitchen on no notice or if Nora being like Barry had plagued him that badly. Barry didn’t even want to think about the idea of Nora pulling Toto from The Wizard of Oz out of thin air.

Parents were supposed to be worried about normal things, like puberty and bullying and such, not magic tricks and literal villains from storybooks.

Snart got to his feet, his cool mask already solidifying in place again as he gestured in the direction of Barry’s room (which was both satisfying and eerie because he knew the other had scoped out the house beforehand). “Pack up everything you absolutely need. Then worry about waking her. I’ll get some of that, ah, coffee people seem to love here.”

Barry snorted. “Not a fan?”

“It’s just caffeinated water,” Snart grumbled. “Yet you all seem to love it.”

Barry stood as well, and he had a feeling the thief had only brought up coffee to ease the tension in the room, as evidenced by the quirk to the corner of his mouth when Barry glanced away to hide his own budding smile. Not that he was complaining.

“Alright, fine. It won’t take long just… Please don’t burn the house down. I like this house, even if I’m abandoning it within the hour.”

“I know how to make coffee.”

“There’s a whole scene in Inkheart where you burn water trying to make lunch.” The thief scowled and Barry bit back a laugh. “Oh, and Snart?”

“Hmm?”

“You stole those tickets, didn’t you?”

Snart laughed, as if he hadn’t anticipated the question, and turned to Barry with a broad smirk. “I’ll have you know, I paid for them with my own money.”

“That you stole from someone.”

“Would it make you feel any better if you knew it was being borrowed from a certain sorcerer?”

“Not really,” Barry muttered, but he couldn’t help the way he started to smile again at the implication. “But I guess… If you had to steal from anyone…”

“He didn’t need that much gold anyway.”

“You stole his gold?”

Snart gave him a look that clearly spelled out Barry was an idiot. “What other money-related items was I supposed to take? It’s not as if you read them a stack of cash from books like Rumpelstiltskin.”

“Alright, alright, I get it.” Barry rolled his eyes and headed for the hallway. “Next time I’ll read a newspaper clipping about a robbery, make things more realistic.”

The sound of Snart’s chuckle seemed to echo through the house long after Barry got to packing, bringing a brief levity to his nerve-wracked heart.

At least someone would be enjoying their impromptu vacation.

[wineinthewidow]

TYWIN LANNISTER: AND THE BIG QUESTION.

    What big question am I referring to? The one that every single soul on this planet is asking, and that is:

     Why did Tywin Lannister sleep with Shae?

     And you guys should know that the answer came to me by complete accident one day while I was musing over Cersei. I was thinking over Cersei’s projection of her losing Jaime unto Lancel Lannister. George once compared Cersei to a wife who got a telegram that her husband had been lost in the war. She had been convinced for this time that Jaime was very well gone, and beyond their reach. When people grieve the people they lose, they sometimes project their feelings when denying had become too much. And Cersei in her natural state of denying of feelings- latched onto the one piece that reminded her of Jaime. Every one remembers how Lancel had confessed to wanting to be Jaime, how he had dressed like him and tried to pick up his mannerisms when Jaime was gone. And Cersei did what any other person did in their stage of grief, she clung to this morsel of the man she loved. (And like all moments like this- there was only the bitter taste of regret that followed immediately after. there was absolutely no love there- she once referred to him as ‘humping dutifully’ - which means that Cersei- a very passionate lover when it comes to those she loves just played dead fish. no love just big time projecting..)

   A FEAST FOR CROWS - CERSEI II

   Cersei wondered how he intended to atone for her. Knighting him was a mistake, and bedding him a bigger one. Lancel was a weak reed, and she liked his newfound piety not at all; he had been much more amusing when he was trying to be Jaime. What has this mewling fool told the High Septon? And what will he tell his little Frey when they lie together in the dark? If he confessed to bedding Cersei, well, she could weather that. Men were always lying about women; she would put it down as the braggadocio of a callow boy smitten by her beauty.

    Now, as I was thinking this over. I did something completely by accident and accidentally compared Cersei and Lancel to Tywin and Shae. Now let me say this, before everyone starts shaking their heads. Tywin Lannister is Cersei’s FATHER. The very basis of his entire being is 50% of what starts Cersei’s entire existence. (And the other 50% is Joanna). I think the reason it was so hard for literally everyone (including myself) to see this (and why it took me so long) is because people are trying so HARD to completely separate her from her Tywin Lannister. When in actuality, she is- in her own way- her Father’s Daughter. 

   Just not in the way she wants. She wants to be the ruthless tactician, the embodiment of power that is their House of Lannister. But see the reason that is? Is because she has ZERO training in real politics and real battle, nor does she have any experience in real war time on a battlefield. Cersei isn’t dumb, but she isn’t trained in the matters she wants to be. (Also we have to remember that this is a misogynistic society. Every single male looking on to Cersei has some sort of AUTOMATIC downplayed opinion on anything Cersei does. None of the ladies, save for Asha Greyjoy and Catelyn Stark, have real training when it comes to these matters. -remember the mistakes that Daenerys has also made, a young woman who is learning as she goes-) BUT!!! Cersei’s mind an the way that it works, her thought process and paranoia, is all that of her father’s. Cersei’s structure of thinking, her mindset, is all just like Tywin’s.

    Remember that mention on Tywin’s grief?

A Storm of Swords - Tyrion V

A queer time to come visiting. His mother had died giving him birth, so the Martells would have found the Rock deep in mourning. His father especially. Lord Tywin seldom spoke of his wife, but Tyrion had heard his uncles talk of the love between them. In those days, his father had been Aerys’s Hand, and many people said that Lord Tywin Lannister ruled the Seven Kingdoms, but Lady Joanna ruled Lord Tywin. “He was not the same man after she died, Imp,” his Uncle Gery told him once. “The best part of him died with her.” Gerion had been the youngest of Lord Tytos Lannister’s four sons, and the uncle Tyrion liked best.

     Tywin Lannister shut down when his Lady Lannister passed away. Everyone knows this. But it’s the one thing that shows that he and Cersei have the same approach to these things. The same approach to their emotional aspects of life. (Not to mention the reason -prophecy aside- this is where Cersei learned her approach to Tyrion.) 

    Okay, now take that this is all out of the way. Remember that grief I mentioned above of Cersei’s? When she thought that Jaime was did? Okay. Good. Keep it in mind, and now blow it up to a span of THIRTY YEARS.  Take shutting down, take denying feelings, take channeling blame on one “”thing”” that killed their other half,  and stretch it out to decades. DECADES rather than months. See what I’m saying? It won’t take much after this, considering how the human mind and body works.

   Now- onward to Shae. Shae is known for having a sassy little mind to play these little word games with Tyrion. She’s witty in her own way, with a sharp tongue to match her joy or ire. (We all know of the back and forth. Take Shae, threaten her life- and put her in the room with the most powerful man in the Seven Kingdoms. She’s going to be turning up her game a hundred times over.

   Okay we got all these factors in mind. Because I’m in no way comparing Joanna and Shae, only insinuating that Joanna, herself- held some favorable wit that kept Tywin on his feet.

    So Imagine. Shae turns up her game, so to speak, and speaks back to Tywin. And says something, of who knows what natures, that makes Tywin blink. And it’s not that he felt attraction to Shae- no there was never any attraction to anyone- if going by the example of Cersei. There was nothing but ‘dutiful humping’ happening. No. What I am saying, is that for a BRIEF second, no matter how short or subtle, or how Shae looked for just a second, after THIRTY YEARS OF DENIED GRIEF THAT HAS BEEN SHUT DOWN WITH A TOSS OF HIS ENTIRE SOUL INTO THE DUTY TO HIS HOUSE (maybe a promise to joanna they will flourish?) AND A HARDEN THAT TURNED A LITERAL MAN INTO STONE-

    Tywin Lannister thought of Joanna Lannister.

    And that STRAW on the back of a Lion holding up an entire house, was enough to crack open a thirty year old wound. And Tywin did to Shae, what Cersei did to Lancel.

   And that, people of all genders, is the answer to the question you’ve all been asking.

[amethystina]

Sorry to hear about your hurt hand! I was wondering if you had any headcanons for Wild Man/Tarzan!Bucky and Explorer!Tony and Explorer!Avengers? Maybe with some BuckyXTony? Get well soon!

I got these headcanon asks over two years ago, but I’m stubborn as fuck so here we are. I’m still going to complete them — fucking watch me.

SO. Headcanons for the above AU, with the appropriate 1910′s time period in mind:

Steve and Bucky were in the Army together and, at one point, were stationed in West Africa (sadly, for colonialistic purposes, because this time period sucked as far as that shit went). They soon get pulled into investigating some unexplained disappearances of both colonials and natives, only to stumble over HYDRA, who are in the middle of the process of finding ways to exploit this “new” continent. They want resources and manpower and, yeah — you get the gist. Steve, Bucky, and the rest of the soldiers try to stop them and manage, though Bucky is lost somewhere in the jungle and later declared dead. Steve refuses to believe it but, at the same time, there’s not much he can do…

About eight years later, young Tony Stark has managed to convince his father to sponsor an expedition in Congo — which Tony will lead — and Steve, together with Sam, Natasha, Clint, and Thor are hired as guides/protection/make-sure-Tony-doesn’t-get-lost-in-the-jungle-and-dies-people. Rhodey comes along as Tony’s babysitter and Bruce is the slightly older and nervous scientist who Tony has managed to rope into coming along. He very much needs a fellow intellectual on this trip because they’re going to be exploring and recording new species and other amazing things. Either way, Tony is ecstatic. 

It all goes well at the beginning. They make good progress, the group works surprisingly well together, and are actually having quite a lot of fun. Sure, Steve is plagued by the memories of Bucky, but, no matter how many times he’s searched, he can’t find a trace of him. Still, even after eight years, he hasn’t given up hope. He probably never will.

Then comes the day when Tony does, despite everyone’s best efforts, get lost. Or, well — gets distracted and wanders off and can’t find his way back. He’s pretty calm about it at first, until it begins getting dark and he realises that he’s in BIG trouble. Because there are dangerous animals around, yes, and Tony isn’t really all that good at defending himself from them, or finding shelter and food, for that matter. He tries, though, huddling under some vegetation in hopes he won’t be discovered and manages to sleep fitfully for a couple of hours. 

When Tony wakes up, he’s scared half to death because, as he opens his eyes, there’s an unknown man leaning over him. Tony can’t help letting out a startled shriek and the man quickly backs off, but doesn’t run entirely. He’s frowning, his emotions difficult to read, but Tony realises it’s closer to confusion than anger, which he takes as a good thing. Tony can also tell the man isn’t a native but his outfit — or almost entire lack thereof — and tangled hair and beard suggests he hasn’t seen the civilised world in quite a while. Tony is, naturally, quite intrigued.

What follows is Tony trying to communicate with his new friend, partly because he’s so curious but also to ask him for help to find his way back to his friends. Tony realises right away that this strange, wild man is very intelligent and picks up English very quickly — like it’s something he’s forgotten rather than a language he’s learning from scratch — and that there must be quite the story behind his scars and his left arm, which is amputated just below the elbow. 

Tony is equal parts fascinated and worried the more he learns. The man — James, he haltingly introduces himself as — seems to have no memory of who he is, where he’s from, and how he came to be in the jungle. Tony, naturally, offers to help him find out. James is reluctant at first, paranoid and wary, but agrees to think about it while they locate Tony’s friends — he can make a decision once they’ve reached them.

On the way there, Tony learns that James is considerate, protective, and wonderfully competent. Not to mention easy on the eyes, except Tony tries not to think about that because his father has informed him that if he ever finds Tony doing things with other young men again, he’ll be disowned. So he tries his best to ignore the attraction, for both of their sakes, but that’s easier said than done when James is very casual about nudity and, once he’s past his initial wariness, very keen on physical contact. Tony is determined, however, since he can’t be sure that James even knows what sex is and it would just complicate things.

He would be lying, though, if he said that attraction was the only thing he was feeling. He can feel butterflies in his stomach every time he manages to make James smile — something James seems to have forgotten how to do until Tony shows him — and his heartbeat picks up every time James touches him. But that’s fine. Tony can handle that.

THEN, eventually, they of course make their way back to Steve and the gang, who are all beside themselves with worry. Tony doesn’t even realise that James must have sneaked off into the bushes before anyone spotted him until he’s turning around to introduce him and finds an empty space. Considering James’ paranoia, Tony isn’t surprised, but it does make him look kind of stupid to his friends. Him talking about a strange man living in the wilderness makes him look quite insane, especially when said man isn’t there to prove he’s not.

Tony tries to figure out how to lure James out of hiding, but, in the end, he doesn’t have to. Not when the relief at seeing Tony alive settles for Steve and Rhodey and they get angry instead. They berate him for being so careless, voices raised and hard (though not in any way threatening), and, between one moment and the next, they’re suddenly facing down a snarling, half-naked man who seems to think he needs to protect Tony from them.

Steve’s surprise turns into heartbreaking shock when he recognises who it is.

Confusion is abound and, long story short, it takes them a while to sort everything out. Tony tries to keep James from snapping his teeth at everyone even looking at Tony, all while explaining what little he knows about James’ situation to Steve. It’s clear that James doesn’t remember Steve, but Tony assures him that he might eventually, given time. It’s not much of a consolation, but it will have to do.

Despite his hostility towards anyone but Tony, James decides to stay with them, mostly to protect the tiny smol that clearly can’t take care of himself without James’ help. Tony isn’t above using that, since it will give them all an opportunity to help James recover.

Bonus headcanon (if you want an actual plot): HYDRA is still active in the area and the reason why Bucky can’t remember anything is because they captured him and experimented on him. Tony and the others inevitably find out and there is action and heroics and you know the drill. All while Tony and James grow steadily closer and James recovers more and more of his memories. It takes a while but, eventually, when James kisses him for the first time, Tony decides he doesn’t want to inherit all those millions anyway. He’d rather have James.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Worm Liveblog #86

UPDATE 86: She Got Fooled

Last time the miasma Bonesaw engineered covered the city. This miasma causes agnosia, making everyone not recognize each other and be generally paranoid, and Skitter is most likely with Bonesaw and someone else from the Slaughterhouse Nine. I want you to picture for a moment that Skitter may have recently been hugged by the Siberian’s creator. Creepy. So let’s continue, hopefully with 100% less hugs.

It makes sense people would forget about powers too. If they could distinguish people by their powers, it wouldn’t make much sense to make them forget, they could easily prove their identities through that. I thiiiiink there’s a bit of an instinctive remain in the agnosia because Skitter didn’t question that “Tattletale” was using her power to orientate herself. Bonesaw would know better than anyone what her miasma does, but even if she slips and says something incriminatory, she can just saw it was thanks to her power. I think the only hope there is of Skitter realizing what’s up is if the real Tattletale comes by.

It’s a bit of a questionnaire, asking Skitter of the extent of her powers, and unknowingly giving the Slaughterhouse Nine more information. Oh boy, this is going to be useful for them.

“Your short-term recollection is still good, at least.  That would be why you can retain the information Grue and I have shared over the past few minutes.  That big beetle of yours, you named it?”

I glanced at Atlas, who was crawling a short distance away.  “Atlas.”

Tattletale nodded.  “That would be the short-term memory, again. Your power probably gives you enough contact with it that you don’t lose track of who and what it is.”

“Right.”

“So long as that keeps working, we don’t need to worry about you and Grue forgetting who we are in the middle of a conversation.  But for us, we might lose track of each other if we split up, so let’s stay close, okay?”

Kind of glad the miasma doesn’t cause short-term memory loss too. That’d be disastrous. I’m surprised Bonesaw had that bit of restraint.

Skitter is encouraged to use her bugs to scout the surroundings, in case there’s someone around, and also because the miasma is limiting visibility.

The weight of the gun in my hand was both a reassurance and a burden.  It would be so easy to do something I would regret for the rest of my life.

I wonder if she’ll dare to pull the trigger, with enough egging or reason to do it. If the miasma really heightens paranoia, I think it’d be natural if it happened, kind of makes me hope it does.

Turns out there’s someone following them. Skitter’s companions’ first reaction is ‘tie them up’, which is the correct reaction, I think. Begrudgingly conceding a point for staying in character. Boy am I going to have egg on my face if these turn out to really be Grue and Tattletale.

Still, her bugs can’t tell her who it is, so she sets a trap. Some decoys are assembled, and she hides, while Grue hurries her to tie up that person already and gives compliments that make Skitter be uncomfortable. Part of the constant feeling of danger she has right now, I imagine. She instinctively feels Grue is acting strange, I wager.

“Is paranoia a side effect of this mist?”

Tattletale nodded.  “Could be. As the symptoms progress, you could have fits of anger, paranoia, hallucinations…”

Oh boy. I wonder how long it takes for the symptoms to progress. It sounded to me like Vista was already having fits of anger and paranoia. It could be matter of time before Skitter goes through the same symptoms, and once she does, she’s going to reject everyone else. Getting her away from the people with her will be difficult.

“Or it could progress in another direction.  A broader agnosia, with the inability to recognize anything, not just people.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

Oh, it definitely will. Bonesaw’s saying that, therefore it will. I sure hope they’ll get a cure for this before things get to that point, because once it does, there’s nothing to be done. I’m convinced all this will end in death.

The three act natural, walking and letting Skitter do her preparations for tying this person up. Insects gather on the person, silk is extended, and I think this is turning into a regular asset in Skitter’s repertoire. How many times has she used the silk for a lot of things lately? Several times. I bet it’ll happen once every arc from now on.

“We should investigate,” Grue said.  “Make sure she isn’t a threat, and deal with her if she is.”

Knowing to what group this person most likely belongs to, it sure is ominous when he says ‘deal with’. I’m pretty sure that means ‘kill’. Skitter points out that they can’t know if a person is a threat or not, and Grue isn’t too worried about that, because they have Tattletale. She’ll know. And by ‘know’ it’s more like Bonesaw isn’t affected and will know for sure.

If I had to guess...I don’t think it’s anyone in the Undersiders. Heckpuppy is in the dome with the real Grue, most likely, and I hope the real Tattletale is still with Trickster on top of that building. I trust they’d both be smart enough to stay up there, where it’s...kind of safe. They know each other isn’t a danger – until the paranoia kicks in, in which case they’ll push each other off the building and it’ll be a disaster.

“We have Tattletale.  She can tell us if this person’s a member of the Slaughterhouse Nine.”

“Tattletale’s not-”

I stopped. Where had that come from?

Ohohoho! That’s juicy. Was she going to say ‘Tattletale’s not here’? That would be a good one. That would be a sign her subconscious is trying to warn her.

Turns out I was wrong, Skitter was going to say Tattletale’s not always right, and can’t say why she remembers that. I’ll be optimistic and hope that means the agnosia hasn’t settled well into Skitter. There’s hope!

They stopped a few hundred feet away from the person Skitter just captured. Grue draws out a knife and wooooah okay, any tiny, tiny doubt this could at least be the real Grue is now gone. Not Grue at all. He’s not the kind to jump to stabbing right away. Maybe he would with some preparation and stuff, but not right away, geez.

“Hey,” I said. I grabbed his arm.  “What are you doing?”

“She’s obviously a member of the Slaughterhouse Nine,” Tattletale said.

“Fill me in? Because I must have missed something. Doesn’t seem that clear to me.”

Not clear at all to anyone! There’s aaaall this miasma, and this person is lying down without moving, and there’s no sign a power is being used, and if I’m converting feet to meters correctly a few hundred feet would be like ninety meters (using 300 feet as reference), and all I can say is that I call shenanigans.

“Think about it.  Why is she wearing a mask like that, if not to filter out the miasma?  She knew about it in advance.”

I kind of think the Slaughterhouse Nine would make themselves immune instead of using gas masks around, and what’s more, I’m convinced they would make the miasma so gas masks would be ineffective. If I had to guess, this is a Protectorate member. This is one of the protective suits. No wonder these two phonies are jumping at the chance of killing this person. I bet the moment Skitter turns her back on her and walks away, a mechanical spider’s going to jump and kill this person.

Skitter, bless her, isn’t really willing to go ahead and kill without a complete confirmation this person is a Slaughterhouse Nine member, much to “Tattletale”’s impatience. She wants to go and kill now. Skitter refuses to let them, especially when there’s no confirmation.

“With my power, I’m five hundred percent sure.  Trust me,” she said, grinning.  She started toward the heroine.

Toward the heroine, you say. Sounds to me like Skitter has distinguished what alignment the person on the ground has.

There’s a lot of pressure on Skitter right now. I hope she holds her ground, even if it comes from people she currently thinks are on her side.

Tattletale scowled, “Have you forgotten how aggressively we’ve been going after the Slaughterhouse Nine?  The attacks, the harassment, capturing Cherish and Shatterbird.  And now you want to leave one of them there?  We don’t have to get close to her to take her out. You have the gun.”

And they’re trying to make her do the coup d’ grace! Of course they are. Killing someone is a limit a lot of people have. Skitter is willing to do it, but only if she’s certain she’s getting rid of someone as bad as the Slaughterhouse Nine, she isn’t taking it lightly.

“Trust me,” she said.

“No.”

Both Tattletale and Grue turned to look at me.

Good for her.

“No?” Grue asked.  “We’re a team, Skitter.  We’re supposed to trust one another when the chips are down, have each other’s backs.”

I didn’t like the implications of that.  Like I was failing them.

Not so good for her. They know what buttons to press. I really hope Skitter keeps being stubborn all she can. I really hope that.

“Explain?” he asked.  He looked calm, but I could see the irritation in his posture.  Was the mist getting to him?

I sure hope he’s irritated, and I kind of dread that at the same time, because who knows what he’ll do if he’s irritated. Is this Jack? If so, then maybe that’s good. Jack doesn’t seem to me like the type to act guided by his emotions.

More resisting what they’re telling her to do! She’s holding steadfast.

This kind of social pressure wasn’t the sort of thing I was good at coping with.  Just going by my recollection of how we’d planned many of our capers, I could usually trust some of the others to have my back when I was arguing a point.  Or I’d had some other motive or reason to go along with them.

Her bullying can’t help, really. So much peer pressure on her right now, this is so...high school-y. I wonder if the person on the floor can hear them right now. How far away are they, again? A few hundred feet? Doesn’t sound like they have moved any closer.

“Did you forget what they did to me?”  Grue asked, his voice cold.

...is that a trick question? Because...agnosia miasma, pal. I’m pretty sure she forgot.

Skitter doesn’t say yes, because even though she did forget the details, she didn’t forget the emotions. That must be what these two phonies are aiming for, they want her to yield to her emotions instead of the rational choices that are leading her to not kill this mystery heroine.

Grue must have seen something in my posture, because he shook his head and turned away. “Give me the gun, then.”

“Just use your power,” Tattletale told him.

“I want Skitter to acknowledge that she doesn’t care enough about this team or about me to do what’s necessary.  She can do that by admitting she doesn’t have the courage to shoot and allow me to do it.”

Even though Skitter forgot about everything, she should at least be able to feel something’s off, right? Also, way to call for him to use his long-range power to kill this person, Bonesaw. Doesn’t narrow down if this is Jack or the Siberian’s creator, though.

Since appealing to her emotions about what happened to Grue didn’t work, now he aims towards her feelings about being called a traitor. That’s what getting more effect right now, Skitter tells him that’s enough. This phony changes directions quite fast now.

“I know you like me.  I can read it on your face, I could see the way your eyes widened when you heard my name. You’re an open book in some ways. And I’ll tell you right now, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.”

Wow, this really is like high school.

This, and the word ‘traitor’, keep hammering onto Skitter, insisting she takes the gun and kills the heroine on the floor. She still refuses. Skitter’s finally realizing something’s off, and holsters the gun. There’s silence until this guy decides they should leave, he’s all smiles, like this wasn’t no big deal. Well then!

“Tattletale, can you use your power to make sure the lady from the Nine doesn’t pose a danger?”

Tattletale nodded, smiling.

That heroine is so dead.

Now that this was settled, the three walk away, the fake Tattletale clinging onto Skitter’s arm in a way that doesn’t resemble Tattletale at all. If Skitter had even a bit of memory of her friends left she wouldn’t be fooled at all.

I felt like I was back in school, in a situation where I couldn’t say anything without saying the wrong thing.  Strange, to recall being around the bullies rather than in the company of my team.

Even now she knows something’s very weird here. It’s like all her instincts are screaming to her she’s in danger, but she doesn’t act on those instincts. Well, not that it’d be easy to act if she wanted. What’s she supposed to do? Run away, fight, do anything? Playing along and waiting for a good chance seems like the best course of action, in my opinion, but the miasma won’t help when it’s about taking good decisions. Welp.

Okay, this chapter has been rather heavy-handed about Skitter feeling like she’s in danger despite being with Tattletale and Grue. Is there really any way anyone thought those two were the real deal? I doubt it!

“She’s out of my range,” I said.  “Tattletale?”

“I’ll keep an eye out!”  She grinned.

Skitter is lying. She’s going to notice once the mechanical spiders or whatever come to kill that heroine. Unless she remembers someone in the Slaughterhouse Nine has those, all she’ll know is that the woman was killed by those things. I wonder what heroine it is...maybe Miss Militia?

There’s signal to call Coil, and that bothers Skitter for a reason I’m not sure about right now. I must have forgotten something. Oh well. The phonies tell her to call Coil because they have to find out where Cherish is. In the meanwhile, the woman got rid of the silk as if it was no big deal, she really may have been waiting for a chance to attack if they approached too much. Bonesaw doesn’t react when Skitter asks her if there’s any trouble incoming. Once another indication for Skitter something’s off.

It doesn’t seem like Coil was affected by the mist. Huh. Curious, I thought the miasma would be more pervasive than this. Okay then. That means there won’t be any trouble to get in contact with Cherish, as long as Skitter can provide the password that identifies her. She can’t, so instead they agree to keep Coil on the line. So he can cut communication whenever he feels like it or when something dangerous is revealed. That should be of help, I hope he’ll be sharp and ready to cut off if things get dicey.

As expected, Cherish isn’t willing to make things easy or nice. She tries to manipulate Coil for her own amusement, but there’s something about what she’s saying that gets my attention. If we think the people with Skitter are Bonesaw and either Jack or the Siberian’s creator, then statements like these ones are quite suspicious:

“Revenge? Not my interest in the slightest. I’ve learned my lesson and I’ve become the poster child for team loyalty.”

More like ‘hey. Hey guys, don’t pay attention to Coil. I’d never betray you guys. We cool?’

There’s also these ones...

“Some headphones and music would be nice,” she said.  “The sound of the waves banging on the hull is driving me crazy.”

Pretty normal, yeah? But then she changes her mind immediately, like she was doing that only to mess with Coil. Wouldn’t be that noticeable if it wasn’t for this:

“Just trying to see if I can provoke a reaction from you.  There’s only so many times I can read the labels of the shipping containers before I lose my mind.  Have to amuse myself somehow.”

If it had been by itself it’d be natural, honestly. But after this one, I have a suspicion Cherish is trying to hint her location to the Slaughterhouse Nine. Her power would let her know who exactly is with Skitter, and since she’s a member of that group, I think it wouldn’t be a stretch to think she’s immune to the miasma.

There were too many things that seemed off.  Cherish’s tone among them.

And also there was this, in case the rest weren’t noticeable enough. Gotta have something very straightforward for us readers.

That aside, Cherish is ready to offer something for everyone, just to get in their goodwill. Hah! On whose goodwill, I wonder.

“Oh, it’s simple.  Going by what I’ve been able to observe around the city, there seems to be a major concern.  Si Jack effugit civitatem, mundus terminabitur.”

Give me a moment to open the translator. I have a suspicion what this says because Latin is similar to Spanish in many ways, but I’m not going to take this for granted until I see what this means for sure.

Thought so. I didn’t know what ‘effugit’ meant, and I was kind of dubious about ‘civitatem’, but from context and what I know of Worm’s events I had a general idea. Now that Cherish delivered her message in a very suspicious manner to anyone paying attention to the conversation, the call ends. Oh boy, what a time for the Slaughterhouse Nine to know about this. I wonder if Jack will go running to the boundaries of Brockton Bay a soon as he finds out, just to see if the world really ends.

If only I could have blamed the miasma for my idiocy.  Everything clicked into place.

Aaaaaand there it is. She caught up. Now she realizes she’s in trouble, and with some luck, she’s not going to get a beaker of bug-killing smoke to the face, courtesy of Bonesaw.

Skitter thinks her only hope is that the woman she refused to kill will catch up to them and be of help. The woman is in trouble, just like I thought, fighting mechanical spiders and trying not to die. There’s a brief description of her powers.

She went from fighting like an ordinary individual to moving at high speeds and throwing crushing punches, then back again.  I couldn’t think of how to help her, and she was obviously unable to help me.

Hmmmmm...Battery? She’s the first person that comes to mind, at least. Sounds like she gathers energy and then fights again. Battery’s powers are close enough to that considering how she needs to gather energy to hit hard.

Cherish had been engaging in double-speak, saying one thing to us, while addressing the two people with me the entire time.  She’d told them about where she was being held captive, and she’d offered the most valuable information she had to avoid getting tortured to death after they’d freed her.  From the way she’d talked about the message being received, one of the people with me had to be Jack.

Well ain’t that swell.

The Cherish competence score is now 5-7, her incompetence still has the edge.

So...you’re telling me that was Jack. Jack was hugging and messing around with Skitter earlier. Well, to be honest, I thought so, but I didn’t outright say so. Jack’s the one who is interested in manipulation and stuff, everything the fake Grue said is the kind of stuff Jack would say. Still, didn’t call it because I wanted to leave things open, in case it turns out the Siberian’s creator turned out to be some weird master manipulator too, for one reason or another.

Skitter regrets putting the gun in a place where she can’t get to it easily, and I say that wouldn’t have changed much. Bonesaw made sure they couldn’t be killed by their throat getting slit or getting stabbed in the eye, I can only imagine she made some adjustments so a bullet isn’t going to kill them, or even impede them for long, especially against Jack and his long-ranged power.

If Jack or the girl killed Amy, just about everyone in the city would die violently from the miasma’s effects.

I wondeeeeer how Panacea is doing right now. She must have protected herself against the microorganisms that cause the agnosia, right? I’d like to think she’d take the initiative to start doing something about it, and that taking care of Glory Girl won’t distract her from saving literally everyone else in Brockton Bay.

Here’s when Jack speaks, Skitter turnsaround without wasting time, grabs Bonesaw to her side, and uses her as a human shield, most of the cut Jack just made hitting Bonesaw more than Skitter. Good thing Skitter’s costume can resist blades and stabs.

Bonesaw isn’t wasting any time, she’s already preparing a concoction while she’s being shoved towards Jack, which she then throws to the floor to make some sort of black smoke. To get rid of bugs, I bet. Skitter aims with the gun, it gets slapped out of her hand with a swipe of Jack’s knife.

Like a good villain, Jack takes the chance to brag and monologue, saying he’d have liked to break Skitter and corrupt her. Hah! It’d have been kind of interesting. But alas, he nominated someone else. Besides, he has other things to be interested about right now, such as, you know, being the cause for the end of the world.

He wants to see if it happens. I knew he’d be like this. Bonesaw even pipes up to say she’d make sure Jack has the chance to see if the world ends. Naturally.  Some large mechanical spiders are coming through the swarm, going in her direction, Jack tries to cut her unprotected face to kill her, she protects herself with her arms, chance the bad guys use to run away towards Arcadia, where it’s said Panacea is currently hiding.

The problem right now is that she has no way to fight them. Everything she has is vulnerable to them, to both Bonesaw’s smoke and Jack’s knife, and the heroine she was hoping would help is currently unconscious—wait what?! When the heck did that happen? Oh, geez, Skitter is all by herself.

With the big mechanical spiders coming and the risk of Jack attacking her if she tries to fly away on the giant beetle, she has to decide which course of action take. Eh...if we take into account last time she fought the spiders she lost – according to her, I admit I don’t remember when that was but I don’t doubt it happened – then going for what has a chance of working may be for the best. Time to fly! And hope Jack doesn’t slash her down immediately. Not that she’s going to flee, she will pursue them and try to stop them.

I wasn’t thinking about winning anymore.  I was thinking in terms of minimizing the damage when we lost.

Honestly it’d be great if she managed to win against them. There are three Slaughterhouse Nine member left, and if the streak continues, things are going to be narrowed down more and more. I don’t doubt Jack will be the last one to be dealt with, so...hm. Maybe if Skitter is lucky, she’ll be able to defeat Bonesaw. I sure hope so!

But that’s for next time. Have to stop for now!

Next time: in two updates

[mrandmrsvex]

Chapter 2! Relationships: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vex'ahlia Characters: Vex'ahlia (Critical Role), Perci, Vax'ildan (mentioned), Keyleth (mentioned) Additional Tags: Modern AU, hotel au, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Winter Special I guess :D

Summary:

Vex doesn't trust 'free' offers of any kind. But when she's stranded in a foreign city with no hostel bed and not enough money for a hotel, she can't deny the handsome stranger offering her a free stay at the swankiest hotel in town. And there's no use in a 'get everything free' card if she doesn't use it, Vex convinces herself. A drink at the bar, at least, could be added to her random gift-giver's bill. Or maybe a few, shared with said random gift-giver.

„Pick up, please, pick up...“

Vex laid on her bed, cellphone pressed against her ear, listening to the repeating beep. The room felt so big she almost got lost in it – staring at the ceiling made it feel like it was miles away. Even the bed, with its fluffy pillows and fresh white sheets, was much too large for a single person, making her feel like a child playing hide and seek under the covers.

She really needed Vax. The phone was still ringing.

„Yes, hi, this is, uh, Vax's phone, but it's not Vax, he forgot it, I'm-“

„Keyleth?“ Not the voice she'd wanted to hear it, but comfortingly familiar still.

„Yes! Hello! ….Who's this?“

„It's Vex, dear.“

„Oh Vex hi! Sorry, you sound so different over the phone! How's your trip?“

She could hear Keyleth almost stumble over her words from her constant excitement.

„It's... well, different than expected. So my brother isn't there? Do you know when he's gonna be home?“

„Probably tonight? He's got another long shift.“ A somewhat worried pause. „Is it urgent? Do you want me – I can drive to the hospital real quick and bring him the phone – he might be on break-“

„Don't worry, dear.“ She twirled her braid around her fingers. „I just... needed to talk something out, and he's good at grounding me.“

„Oh. Well.“ Another pause, before she sounded excited again. „I can try! I'm a good listener.“

Keyleth definitely was, but Vex wasn't sure if she wanted her of all people to be worried. Considering her spontaneity and eagerness, she wouldn't put it past the freckled girl to hop on a bus right then and there to meet up with Vex in order to help.

Then again, there was no one else she could think of to ask for advice.

It proved much simpler to sum up her current situation than she thought. It also sounded much more worrisome to her once it was said out loud, and Keyleth definitely seemed confused.

„So this guy just, randomly, gave you a free ticket for basically everything at this hotel? And he's some sort of royal?“

„That's pretty much it, yeah. A lord, I guess. And it's not a ticket, it's just, a note, a handwritten note, but people seem to honor it – well the guy at the frontdesk did.“

„And what exactly do you want to talk out now?“

„Uhm.“ It was hard to put into words. Vax usually figured out what her problem was before she could even say it. „I don't know. I guess I'm scared this is some sort of scam, and that I end up using stuff 'for free' and get flashed a giant bill at the end.“ She looked around the room, pristine and untouched except for her muddy shoes and backpack in one corner. „And everything here seems way out of my price range.“

„Hmm.“ Keyleth was quietly musing about this all. „Did you – do they have any information from you?“

Vex sat up and crossed her legs. „I gave them my old last name. You know. Our father's.“ She wasn't sure how much Keyleth knew about their past, but it was safe to assume that Vax had filled her in on the basics, at least, on why their 'official' signatures and IDs barely matched.

„Oh, that's good, that's good! Then, I mean, if they try to trace it back to get their money, they'll just end at your dad's, and, I mean.“ Keyleth suddenly sounded a lot meaner than she ever looked. „Who cares if he has to pay loads, right?“

„True.“

„And you're sneaky, like, in a good way. So if they do give you a giant bill at the end you can just, sneak out, and dash.“

Keyleth was learning a lot more from Vax than she would've thought.

„So you're saying I should risk it and not make a run for it yet?“

„I don't see too much of a risk. Like, obviously try not to drink champagne and eat the most expensive steak on the menu? But maybe this is actually all good and that lord guy just wanted to help out and you get to enjoy a few awesome days.“ There was the overly positive Keyleth she knew again. Vex snickered.

„Your advice is very very different from the one I expected from my brother.“

„Yeah, Vax would probably, like, tell you to set off the fire alarm and run out and never visit the town again. And swipe some of the expensive freebies beforehand.“ They shared a quick laugh. „But, Vex, I think you're smart. I mean, you are smart. And you can tell if something is off pretty well. So I think you can trust your instincts and just go with the flow, you know.“

„Go with the flow.“ She echoed while lying back down on the soft duvet and actually enjoying its fresh scent for the first time.

A short moment of silence on the phone.

„Keyleth, darling?“

„Yes?“

„Thank you.“ Vex heard the smile in her own voice. „I don't know if that's what I expected from this call, but you give very good advice.“

They ended the call after a bit more chatting, and Vex wondered if maybe it would have been better to actually stay with Keyleth and Vax for christmas.

Vex continued to stare at the ceiling. Keyleth's advice had done a surprisingly good job of calming her – if Vax had answered the phone, his paranoia would've probably only doubled hers. Still, there was the constant feeling of a quiet alarm in the back of her head, screaming Get out before this fucks you over again and again.

She reached for the card and envelope on the bedside table, tracing over the hotel name again, reading the two short sentences, trying to decipher that unreadable name.

Just what did this 'Lord Percival' expect to come out of giving a random girl a free ride in the most expensive hotel in town?

 You know very well what he's probably expecting.

It wasn't that hard to imagine, if she allowed her mind to go down the dark road she'd been trying to avoid for the past few minutes.

Then again, he hadn't even introduced himself, had given no indication that he was planning to meet her ever again – that short quip about a drink at the festival not withstanding. If he genuinely planned to coerce her or guilt-trip her into... anything with his gift, he'd definitely messed it up from the very beginning. She couldn't even be sure he was staying at the same hotel right now.

Her memory flashed back to his smile, his eyes, the faintest hint of scruff on his chin – not as white as his hair, she'd noted – his scent of coffee, smoke and metal, and she wondered for a split second: would it even be so bad if he tried to get something out of this gift?

„No use in letting your imagination run wild.“ Vex muttered to herself before sitting up again. She tried to figure out what Vax would do to still her nervosity and worry.

There was a mini bar, she remembered from her quick perusing of the hotel room before the phonecall. There might be just enough alcohol in it to get her mind out of hyper-focussing on everything possibly bad.

She opened the fridge to an array of chocolates, fruit, various snacks, water, and two bottles of wine. She only sighed when reading the label. Who would've thought her father's favourite winery could make it all across the country to smack her in the face in this distant town? She could already imagine the bad feeling of tasting it again and remembering all the wonderful moments where she forced glasses of it down her throat in order to get through the evening.

Besides, a simple glass of wine was not the comfort drink she was looking for right now.

Her eyes wandered back to the bedside table, the envelope, the card. Kynan had said it would get her special offers at the bar as well, hadn't he? The note certainly didn't specify where else she could get 'everything she wants'. She could give it a try, at least, see if the bartender was just as nice as the boy at the front desk, see just how much weight Lord Percival's signature carried.

-------------------

Vax had ridiculed her many times for always packing a smart dress when they travelled.

„Were going backpacking, Stubby. I don't imagine you doing that in heels and a skirt.“

But there was always a chance it might be useful, she thought, every time she put the dark blue silky dress at the bottom of her backpack. There was always the option of sneaking into some event to steal some hors d'oeuvres, or the need to put on airs to convince someone that there was more to them than just some stupid kids trying to get by. And unlike Vax, in his torn jeans and washed out tanktop, she would be convincing. She would be prepared.

To be fair to her brother, she'd never actually worn the dress before. There never had been a chance for it to be useful – until now.

Vex turned in front of the full-body mirror, the soft fabric swishing against her legs. She had no heels, obviously, but she had a pair of sensible yet stylish ankle boots, and black leggings – nobody had to know they were thermal hiking leggings – and a simple golden necklace. It looked more punk-chic than actual formal wear, but it would do. She could be the young, upcoming rebel in a bar full of old money if she needed to.

She undid just a few strands of hair from her braid to frame her face, grabbed her cellphone and purse – almost empty, but with her keycard and the note carefully back in its envelope tucked inside – and set out for the elevator.

She was certainly glad she'd decided on the dress when she entered the bar. Not only was it filled with people who all looked as if they had more money to spend this evening than she earned in a year, it was in itself beautifully grand. A mixture of an old cruiseship diner and a luxury speakeasy, everything seemed to be made from slightly blue-tinted glass, polished metal, dark velvets and gold. The actual bar was filled to the brim with hundreds of bottles, and small sitting areas were privately separated by large potted plants. The dim lights gave everything an additional golden hue.

Vex scanned the room, looking for a good place to sit and watch stealthily, when her eyes got stuck on something white poking out amidst all the deep and dark colours.

Even with his back turned to her, there was no doubt it was her mysterious helper Lord Percival sitting at the bar, his blue coat carelessly draped over the stool beside him.

He hasn't seen you yet,  it shot trough her mind, you can still run.

A deep breath in, shoulders back, head up. Or you can face it like a lady, and maybe get some answers.

She sauntered over as gracefully as she could.

„It's not mulled wine, I guess.“ She leaned on the bar into his field of vision. „But can I buy you a drink nonetheless?“

His startled reaction was more adorable than expected. It took him a few seconds to recognise her, but when he did, his eyes widened – more in surprise than shock.

„Oh! Good evening! I didn't expect to run into you again...“

„Yes, what a rare coincidence, to find me in the hotel you've given me a free pass for.“ She grinned and waved towards the bottle-filled wall. „Anyway. A drink?“

He lifted the glass already in his hand, filled with ice and an amber-coloured spirit.

„I'm afraid I've quite literally beaten you to the punch, but you are very welcome to join me.“

She hopped onto the free stool next to him and ordered a gin&tonic before giving him another smile.

„I'll still owe you a drink, then.“

„The night is young.“

„It is.“ She wondered, for a second, if her next sentence was a step too far, but it was out before she could stop herself. „And, after all, it seems I can get you everything I want in this hotel.“

The silence afterwards almost confirmed her worry before she noticed the slightly approving smirk on his lips.

„I remember mentioning that the envelope was supposed to stay sealed – and thus unread.“

„Oh, I didn't open it.“ She pretended innocently enough. „And it's not really my fault the receptionist gave it back to me.“

„You still could have not read it.“

„I could have.“ She stirred the drink that had just arrived. „But I didn't.“

This, this I can handle, Vex thought to herself. Idle flirting, witty banter, all things she had more than enough practice in. As long as it didn't delve any further, she could keep control of the conversation, watching the man next to her blink and blush just a tad. She wondered how flustered she could get him, and felt almost excited to toe that line with all she had. He seemed even more attractive with a faint pink glow to his cheeks.

„So you were going to offer me a drink that I was going to pay for anyway.“

If there wasn't still that smile to his lips, his voice could almost be considered sharp. Everything he said seemed to have a sarcastic undertone to it.

„It was more of a gesture. I don't think I could really afford anything here.“ She sipped on her G&T – delicious, of course, but what else would she expect from this bar.

„It was simply an opening line, then.“

He looked at her over the rim of his glasses while taking a sip himself, and Vex felt as if both flames and ice flowed up her back. The cold drink was only barely helping her stay in control. She had to think of something to break this wonderfully tense silence.

„Well, I did need some opener, didn't I? I could've just greeted you with your name, but you didn't really introduce yourself while handing over your generous gift.“

„You didn't read the full note, then? It was remarkably short.“

„I tried as best as I could, but I don't think your signature is actually meant to be read.“

His laughter was more of a short snorting, and Vex couldn't help but find it adorably quirky.

„I'm sorry for that.“ He put his glass down and offered her his hand. „Lord Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo the third. But you can call me Percy.“

His hand was warm, even after holding is chilled drink, more calloused and work-worn than she would expect from someone aristocratic. A strong grip, but not too intimidating.

„Vex'ahlia. Vex to my friends.“ It sounded far less impressive than his introduction, half of which she'd already forgotten again. You can call me Percy, was all that was running through her mind.

„Vex. It's really very nice to make your aquaintance.“

--------------------------

Her drink was almost empty now, and she felt a bit more adventurous. Besides, she really wanted to see him blush again, after they'd returned to far tamer chat after their introductions. She traced the rim of her glass with her finger.

„So do you do this often? Give random young women carte blanche for a bill you'll have to pay?“

It worked, she noted as his cheeks and now even the tip of his ears began to colour.

„Oh, not really.“ He met her gaze straight on, still, not yet blushing enough for Vex's liking. „Only to the prettiest and most intriguing ones.“

„I must be the only one, then.“ She joked.

„You are.“

Her blush was at least matching his now, and she was sure he was playing the same game she was. Or maybe they'd both downed their drink too fast.

Vex tried to corral her thoughts. This wasn't a game, she scolded herself. This was exactly what she'd been worrying about upstairs in her room, exactly what she'd wanted to talk to Vax about, exactly what she'd expected to come out of someone giving her far too big of a gift. It could only lead to trouble.

But maybe some trouble could be fun.

„Listen, I understand if this is a bit too forward, and I apologise if I'm making you uncomfortable, but-“ Percy halted for a second, and Vex genuinely thought he was going to straight-out ask her up to his room after this bumbling beginning of a sentence.

„But would you mind joining me for dinner?“

She managed to keep her laughter inside, and only gave a wicked smile.

„Depends.“ She almost purred. „Are you paying?“ If you think I did a good job writing this, and you have some copper to spare, consider buying me a coffee?

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE TWO:” I CAME INTO THIS GAME A HERO BUT IM GOING TO WIN IT AS A VILLAIN” - NED

After a not so unanimous vote, the tribes head into another immunity and alliances solidify.

I’m in love with sharifa and very annoyed with Malik

I’m a hero but I’ve always gotten along better with villains 😅 good dynamic I think

And just like that, everything changes. What should have been an easy 9-1 vote against Cheatham turned into a 7-3, where I received not only Cheatham's vote, but TWO OTHERS. That is literally the stupidest thing they could have done-- if I had only received Cheatham's vote, I would be chilling. Now I'm on high alert and in game mode. I've been playing kumbayah Survivor for the past 3 days, but that's clearly not going to work going forward. Step 1: Identify the power players. Step 2: Cozy up to them and become a loyal solider. *gag* Step 3: Let them drag me to a swap or merge. Step 4: Join forces with Andreas and Sarah and take control of the game. Step 1 and 2 are complete: I've become very buddy-buddy with Sharifa and Malik, and I think they're going to FIGHT for me to stay. Not only that, but they're revealing information about a secret alliance INCLUDING OLIVIA AND TRENT where OLIVIA pitched my name as the contingency plan and Keegan voted against me! So on either side of me are two power duos: Olivia/Trent and Sharifa/Malik, and one of them is lying to me. But as long as they both think they have me as a pawn, I should be good. I'm considered a hero because I'm always playing from the top down, so now I'm using that perception to my advantage. Now that I'm the underdog, my word means nothing. I came into this game a hero but I'm going to win it as a villain.

So, the first tribal was a success and Cheatham ended up going home. I did feel bad because he was PRESENT during the results but he was the least talkative person and it was kinda ironic he made a comment about it during tribal.. Now we have this challenge that’ll take round two days. I really don’t want to lose again, but if I do I plan to flip. Ned I feel is most likely going to be at risk or even Jake, and I cannot let that happen after I’ve bonded with them way more than my own allies. Me and Ned are actually already on a I love you basis and we’ve only had conversations for a straight 2 days! Lmao I feel that’s a plus. And me Sharifa and Kurt all seem good with each other. They both love me and I love both of them, but they’re both slightly wary about each other but like each other. I want to bring those two and Jake/Ned together and make that an alliance of five, and get rid of Trent or Olivia. To me, Trent and Olivia have been a bit too obvious about working together. And I feel it would be good to put that to a stop before it can continue. Sharifa agreed with me about flipping on the alliance so if we lose, I’m going to plan an actual blindside, which is people know me is SO out of character of me, but who am I to get rid of my connections that I clearly have? I appreciate Keegan, Trent and Olivia for grabbing me but I feel it’s just for numbers and that’s why I was picked, because that one trunks call was.. just awkward, unless they just don’t know how to communicate. But I don’t wanna back down from the plan so I don’t plan to.

so Cheatham just went home, which is shame, something was tugging at me to keep him, but wasn't about to go against the vote. lets see if this bite me in the ass. (although he was inact so it probably won't). The Tea Sluts alliance is amazing, Keegan and Malik are great. I really hope we win this immunity because I don't want anyone else to go. but I have a very bad feeling about this challenge. all of us are brains, and i have to go out and buy cups to be able to do the brawn challenge. This game has just started and i can't tell if it the ADHD or my need to not be a goat, but I"M READY TO PLAY. I may be a hero but I want to snake some people, and make moves. I also really want to play Lukas and Kage. swap me up baby.

So for this challenge I’m really not feeling too hot about my tribes chances. It seems like not many people are excited about it, granted I did get a score of 8 on guess who. Hopefully we can pull it together

Now that I am giving my purple edit a break.... Kage is literally the Shaggy to my Scooby and I hope we can make it so far in the game. We joked that Dennis was Velma, Sarah was Daphne, and Andreas was Fred so lowkey I hope that Mystery Inc can happen!

Right now I think it is important I NOT make any alliances or at least push for them. With Cheatham gone I can't help but wonder what mentality goes on- he was one of the new people and if it is Old School vs New School I'm donezo. I cant fully form an opinion just yet but I need to up my social a bit!

I think I want Matt to view our relationship like an Apprentice-Mentor one. He seems pretty all knowing so maybe I can act like I'm under his wing. Meanwhile Dennis the Menace is still rockin

Ned just straight up never reads the tribe chat and whenever I try and spill tea with him he’s just completely lost and I’m just like maybe read a little, amigo and people won’t vote for you

My alliance with Kurt gives me L’shei Jakey vibes. Like I can be fully honest with him and I never have to monitor myself, and he’s completely honest with me (at least from what I can tell). Im telling him to tell Ned about the vote, because if Ned finds out from someone else he won’t trust Kurt, and I need him to trust Kurt. I told Ned about the alliance last night, and Keegan voting for him, as a way to establish trust. From what I can gather Ned is a very loyal guy, and I want that loyalty directed at me. It’s sort of like the Brigade alliance (ew) where they each had one person outside the main alliance. If Kurt has Malik, and I have Ned, we’re guaranteed a 4 person voting block, without an established alliance. But that means I need Ned to not hate Kurt, so I think Kurt has to be honest about the vote with him. I’m just nervous because for whatever reason, Ned is weary of Kurt, and naturally doesn’t want to trust him. So I’m trying to push Ned in that direction, without revealing how tight Kurt and I are. Kurts my number 1, but I want Ned to be my number 2. Trent on the other hand is that guy you bounce out of feeling really good with, and then sketched out by, like 10 times throughout the day. Those are probably the three people I’m working with the most, with Malik and Jake on the outer orbit. Malik’s lack of logical reasoning is VERY alarming. Everything I do is based in making a strategic assessment from information I’ve gathered. If I can’t convince you of what makes sense for the immunity challenge, how are we going to communicate when it comes to the game??? It was all just very alarming. The only thing I can think of, is there was a mental thing he was trying to hide, like social anxiety or something, but I would rather him be straight up about that instead of saying he can’t do the challenge because it’s raining....SIS YOU DONT LOOK LIKE THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST I—

*a little while later Sharifa returns with a long scroll of reciepts which she unrolls in front of the camera*

3:50 PM if it helps i dont think she or anyone wanted you to go idol paranoia just happened I don't think she wants you out 

 Ned, 3:51 PM Thanks, I appreciate that 

 3:51 PM Because we're starting to talk about Malik 

 Ned, 3:51 PM I understand but that’s not someone I want as a close ally ya know? Like I’ll work with her but I’m not the kind of person who will throw my own allies under the bus even if there is an idol You’re the only person who’s been straight up with me 

 3:55 PM Yeah I don't know how close y'all were, and the first vote is hard because you're still establishing relationships. I'll be fully transparent when Cheatham asked what name I heard, I said yours, because that's the one he heard. At this point this round, is about who is really with who, and I'm not letting your name come up at all. Now we that have this trust, I'm with you until the end 

Ned, 3:57 PM I understand that, and most of the discussion happened before we really got to know each other too so I don’t hold it against you at all. And thank you, I’m with you 10000% too. Oh yeah I’m just gonna play along with Olivia and Trent. Olivia also made a chat with the three of us but it’s clear to me that it’s only a front because no one ever speaks in it. Not really feeling great about her at the moment. I don’t want them to suspect it though 

 3:59 PM Olivia just messaged Trent and I about dumping Malik and bringing in Kurt. 

Ned, 4:00 PM Olivia’s a frickin snake she’s trying to play everyone! Yeah. I’m not feeling good about that duo. They’re clearly tight since they’re the common denominator between all of this 

 4:03 PM They played Indonesia together and were aligned until the final 4. But Trent kept playing that they were after each other and backstabbed each other. Interesting for two people who are in multiple alliances with people on this tribe. 

Ned, 4:03 PM That’s what Olivia said to me, that she didn’t know if she could trust him but they seem awfully buddy buddy 

 4:03 PM Trent kept saying to me that he didnt trust OIivia Ned, 4:03 PM BRUH!!!! We said that at the same time 

 4:04 PM They HAVE to be a final 2 I mean it's a brilliant strategy, who would question it 

 Ned, 4:05 PM I know, that’s genius They just didn’t expect anyone to start comparing notes 😂😂😂 Freaking evil I swear

 4:08 PM I keep trying to figure out if I can trust Trent, this is making it clear to me that's a no go. He's always trying to downplay that he's a villain. Question now, is what do we do about it. Trent just said he was on board to bring in Kurt, I really think we should talk to Kurt before they do, I dont want them getting another number on their side. They have everyone right now. 

 Ned, 4:09 PM Same. And it’s perfect because Olivia is a hero so I don’t think anyone would suspect it. And absolutely, we need to bring in Kurt ASAP. We can easily get Malik because they’re trashing him. Who else could we get, Keegan?  Birch? I know you think Birch is close with Trent so I’m not sure. 

 4:11 PM The only thing about Malik im nervous about is 1) I'm not his favorite person right now and 2) This whole rain drama really makes me question his ability to make logical decisions Keegan I feel like is close with Olvia and Trent, because I'm fairly confident those three talked about the alliance before I was approached for it And I think Birch is close with Trent yeah. But what about Jake? Jake, Kurt you and me would be 4 

 Ned, 4:17 PM Yeah definitely. That’s 4. And I get that you’re wary about Malik but I think he’d probably work with us if he knows they’re plotting against him. And 5 is all we need. So if you can get Kurt I can get Jake and Malik probably. 

4:20 PM Yeah you're right. The question now is timing, this potential swap has me really nervous about fracturing the tribe. We take our shot now at Trent and Olivia, and we have the one who survived, Keegan and Birch pissed off. What if we were able to take out one of their numbers in a way they can't be mad about? Like at this next tribal, go for Birch who isn't in the majority alliance, that way we have our 5 safe, Olivia, Keegan and Trent are none the wiser, and we go into the potential swap safe with numbers?

Honestly, Socially not much has changed. Emma is the person who talks the least to me (or replies the most rare) and Andreas has worked his way up to the top. Another thing I have noticed with this tribe is, that everyone randomly dumps their searches onto you, to expect to get searches back. Matt did that, Andreas, Emma and Kage wants to make a whole alliance with Chris, Andreas, Sarah and myself to do that idol search. HONESTLY?! I JUST WANT TO FIND MY IDOL IN PEACE AND HAVE IT ONLY FOR MYSELF. But what I want to say with this is, that bonds are slowly forming, way slower than I am used to in ORGs, and while I have less availability, that seems to fit quite into this tribe, with people only being able to be online at certain intervals of the day. The challenge is pretty bad for me. I suck at guess who, Cup stacking (never done before) and I hate taking selfies with strangers... So i took the "easy" way out. Nobody, but Ricky wanted to do the selfie challenge (what probably means we are most likely losing this category, unless the other tribe is as awkward as we are), so I told multiple people that I am fine just doing the Selfiechallenge, if the rest feels more comfortable and stronger in the other challenges. I have aligned my entire schedule tomorrow to get ten (10!!!!) selfies MAXIMUM (because thats apparently all the people I know IRL, that are willing to make time for me). All of this because I am hoping, that if we lose, people will be greatful to me for taking on the EMBARASSMENT of the selfie challenge, while hiding behind a hope of Ricky carrying this part for us. And not taking any of the blame of the tribe if we lose. Sounds good? Sounds good.

This game has really picked up. I think my social game strategy this season is really working out for me, because I have been propositioned by everyone on this tribe except Lukas about being in an alliance LOL.... it seems the majority of the alliances include Dennis, Chris, and Sarah so it’s safe to say that us four are the major social threats. I’m continuing with my ‘yes and’ strategy where I agree with people and I think it’s really working. Sarah told me she found the idol, which is REALLY good for our game for sure. She’s my #1 in this game, so that idol will hopefully help us out. Based off all the discussions I’ve been having, Emma and Ricky haven’t been as social as they should be and that’s a point of concern for most people. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I don’t mind if Emma leaves. I don’t feel very safe with her around. So if we lose, Emma’s days might be numbered.

The other tribes tribal was super interesting.... a 7-3 vote is a weird number and leaves me to think that people were left out of the vote. I imagine based off that there is some drama happening on that tribe. I’m happy I’m over here for sure.

So i guess i should make a confessional because i went to search for the idol at the beach on day 4/5 and FOUND THE FUCKING IDOL!!!!! IM SCREECHING!!!! I obviously told andreas bc hes my #1 and I cant wait to tell ned. I just know that andreas/ned and i will be a deadly 3 person alliance Kage went to thera and was saying shit that doesnt make sense to other ppl and HE ALWAYS DOES THIS! idk if he means to be fucking sketchy but he needs to stop bc i need him around bc he loves me!!! At least for now But nick is suspicious of him which isnt good bc dennis/chris/kage want an alliance with me and andreas lol its so funny!!! Its like these ppl dont know andreas and I are close The only ppl that might know are ricky and malik bc we were in a final3 with him in a fb bb org like a year ago but we shall see!!!

I'm not sure where I left off on my last confessional so forgive me if some of this is repeated. CHEATHAM went home in a 7-3 vote. I know that CHEATHAM and myself both voted for NED but I have no idea who the third vote for him was and no one has admitted to it. But that's alright. I spoke with NED and we have a bit of a shaky alliance together now, He won't throw out a name of who he'd like to vote out next and I haven't committed to a name but he has said he'd like to work together going forward which is nice to have. I still have the McBITCHES alliance consisting of me, OLIVIA, SHARIFA, TRENT and MALIK. I also have the TEA SLUTS alliance of MALIK, BIRCH and myself. I would however like to find a way to create an alliance with JAKE and KURT. Both of them are pretty awesome and I would definitely want to work with them going forward but I haven't had the chance to get anything going yet. I'm praying we win this next immunity challenge so I don't have to worry about another tribal council. I really don't know who I would vote off if it came to it. Sitting here thinking about it, I think it would be between BIRCH and NED. NED has still been relatively inactive compared to the rest of the tribe. And as much as I like BIRCH, they are a little difficult to get an actual conversation out of. Also, I just want to give major props and thanks to SHARIFA. I can definitely see why she's won twice. I expressed a discomfort at doing the beauty portion of the immunity challenge and she immediately offered to take that spot and let me do the brains portion of the challenge. I want to offer a huge apology to her if we do lose the challenge because of me. She went out of her way to help me out even knowing she would be an asset in the brains portion.

Okay so we survived the first tribal ladies! Tbh I kind of liked Cheatham but he was flopping so I wasn't about to risk anything for him. I think I'm starting to make connections on the tribe with good people. I have my alliance with Ned, but I've been talking to Sharifa and Kurt more and I just connect with them way more than anyone else on the tribe. I know they're villains and apparently kind of infamous... but I'd rather play with crackheads then some bland ass people. I've talked to Malik decently enough but I think he's starting to annoy people, the challenge discussion where he refused to do anything but brains didn't sit well with Sharifa or Kurt, and  idk how others felt. I called with Kurt and he spilled the tea that Trent and Olivia are allies and tricked him into voting Ned last round, so um shady of them, also a target that isn't me, so ... mwah. I've talked to Trent a decent amount but barely to Olivia so I'm going to tread lightly. And It's so hard for me to have conversations with Keegan and Birch, I just don't mesh well with them personally. Others have expressed the same thing so I'm not super worried, but it just gives me a reason to not want to play with them if we have to vote more people out. Still hoping to make a tribe swap with Nicklas definitely. And maybe Sarah, not sure if she's gonna gun for me after our last game LOL.

Eitherway, that alliance was created and while I like the members individually. One of my past mistakes that has kept me from making deeper connections with people in the later parts of the game was, that I kept these alliances secret from people I have a good feeling about. So I told Nicklas about that chat, in hopes that that will make him closer of an ally to me moving forward. From what I've been hearing atm. It will probably between Ricky or Emma if we go to tribal, since both seem a bit inactive, but I am not going to be one to make a proper move and will probably just go along with whatever is getting suggested.

OH there’s been some stuff going on!! Firstly, Kage created an alliance of me him Sarah Dennis and Chris and honestly I’m vibing with it More importantly I caught miss Ricky in a bit of an awkward situation.. i messaged Ricky and Emma separately my idol guesses at the same time and Ricky didn’t answer but Emma did saying how she was waiting for the hosts .... and then cake back to complain to me 10 minute stuff later saying she had been left on read but they replied to Ricky...... so she had been chatting with Ricky about the idol guesses and he was telling her more then he was telling me. He also lied to me about the idol guess he said because he added an extra step on to it but then Sarah searched where he said he did and what he said was wrong.... oh Ricky and to think I thought I could trust you.... MESS. Anyways, I hope we win again 

The other tribe giving me another chance hell yeah! Talking to Lukas he is my new fav person I love him so much.

Honestly, as sad as Im feeling, I have to say I expected this. When it was taking so long to have who is doing what until today, we kind of deserved to lose.

Mystery Inc was officially made and with Emma going, hope it means we can all vote together. It unfortunately leaves Lukas, Niklas, Ricky, and Matt. I'd probably prefer it not be Matt or Ricky for now, but lets see how this goes for tomorrow

I tried to get Lukas to thema but no luck. I hope he’s doing well and doesn’t need it anyways :P Would die for sharifa V annoyed with Malik these past few days but idk if it’s totally the right move to vote him out if we go to tribal again I hope I didn’t sketch trent out by saying I wanted Lukas immune I feel like I sketched him out or made him not trust me as much, hard to say. I want us in the f3 I also want sharifa there 😭 really love her and our friendship is so genuine like gahdamn. But she’s won twice and got 2nd place another time it’s not hard to see why, she’s so wonderful. Trent is my #1 tho. I hope he knows just how committed I am to us and I feel like I’m not doing a good enough job showing that. That, or he’s just very paranoid and passing that along to me. Or both. I feel bad lying to sharifa about my trust with Trent but it’s not totally a lie and not totally the truth. Oh whell. Connecting with Kurt and have a cute 3 person chat with him and sharifa.  Can maybe replace malik with Kurt if need be but Kurt is super dangerous unlike malik. It’s like when we had to decide between Ryan Valentin and Julian in Mykonos. We knew Ryan would betray us in the future without a doubt but we chose him anyways because he would be way more beneficial the next few rounds. All that came true. If we had stuck with Julian who was more emotional and less tactical and also less of a threat (no offense) I don’t think any of us would’ve lasted so it’s like you just gotta be strategic about it I guess. Keegan is there. Looks like birch will be an easy vote if we go to tribal. Where’s Jake???? I’m doing so bad talking to him smh Ned got way too paranoid about having some votes last round he’s like lex from Africa. It weirded trent and I out a bit and he dropped a little in my trust, but knowing how much he trusts me is good and I gotta keep him close to me. I’m a lil worried because he said he’s friends with Sara and Andreas on the other side. Still love him tho, gotta call him more bc he always wants to do that. I wonder how Dennis is doing. 

Just a quick update because not much has been going on lately. We just won immunity which feels great, and is a feeling i barely felt in Indonesia since I went to every tribal except 2 then. Still working on trying to talk to Jake but we still have just basic conversations, then one of use forgets to reply to the other, and then it goes hours before we talk again. Still no game talk.  I'm feeling pretty good about everybody else so far and feel like I'm trusted by most people. Really hoping there isn't a swap soon, or if there is i get to be on a tribe where we are majority, or at least i get to work with the people i trust the most (olivia, Sharifa, Kurt)

Our tribe lost immunity, which was not what I wanted. Overall, I think I’m decently positioned where I doubt I’ll be targeted early on. As of right now, I had my five person alliance which I’m gonna put my faith in for the time being. Sarah texted me last night requesting I put my insta on private as there’s pictures of us together IRL on it. I thought that was weird so I’m assuming something happened. I’m waiting for her reply. Also, Emma got sent to the Thera which means she’s safe from tribal. My original plan was to target Emma but clearly that’s not going to happen, so maybe her BFF Ricky has to go instead. I really wanted to work with him this season but clearly that’s not happening judging off his behaviour and how he’s speaking to me. He probably wanted to make me feel comfortable so he could pull a fast one over me.

*Andreas contemplates life*

You know, this seasons twist got me thinking and one thing thats wild is that being a hero or villain is all perspective and at the end of the day we are all the heroes to our own stories.

Me: *Knows that Andreas and Sarah are kind of close * Also me: *Tells Andreas I like Sarah's vibe* So that they both think I wanna work with them even tho I have barely talked to Sarah so far. Andreas was asking about Idol stuff earlier and I said "Maybe we create a group that shares info to help find it". And was hoping he'd bring up Sarah but he didn't. BUT Sarah then messaged me later about idol stuff *out of no where*. I could tell that it was likely Andreas telling her to talk to me. Even if not tho, I decided I'd go to Andreas and make it look like it was just a coincidence and that I think it was perfect timing. That way I can create a group with him and Sarah. Let them think they're manipulating me by taking the credit for the idea and having them be like "Oh yeah I agree. She IS cool". And making it seem like I have no idea that they are close when in all actuality, I'm just trying to use a duo to save me later in the game. On the other side, I still trust Dennis and Chris the most. And Lukas messaged me today about looking like we have the least connection and should team up. And I've been getting along with Matt. So now the only people I'm not really with are Kage, Ricky, and Emma. Unfortunately Emma's just been very MIA

SOOOO NOWWWW everyone wants to go after Trent and Olivia because I blew up their game. Which is good in regards to wanting to neuter any trust the others have with Trent and Olivia, it’s bad in that now everyone wants to vote them out. That’s not good for my game, because I have a good relationship with Olivia, and Trent might be a dangerous player, but he’s a predictable player. He’s like Bruno from Big Brother Canada, really strategic and by the book, and BECAUSE he’s by the book, I know what move he’s going to make, before he makes it. That for me is less dangerous than someone like Birch, who I have ZERO idea what they are thinking, where they stand, or how they are playing???? So now I’ve started operation get Birch the fuck out. WHY you ask? They are the only person I’m not aligned with in some capacity and if Challengers vs Champions taught me anything, it’s that I need as many relationships going into swap/merge as I can get. So now I have to convince the raging hoard that is Ned, Jake and Malik, to go after literally the smallest target on our tribe. This move only really benefits me, because I’m keeping bigger targets around, because IM A BIG TARGET. I need these other threats around because If I’m the only target, then who is everyone going to shoot at??? So with that said after I spilled the tea to Ned, he went to Malik with EVERYTHING I said and I had to talk Malik off the ledge of going after Trent and Olivia and targeting Birch instead. It was almost too easy to convince him?? Like Malik REALLY needs to get out Trolivia because they are targeting him BAD and he knows it now. But I think I put him in the mindset I need him to be in, same with Ned, same with Jake, I EVEN GOT OLIVIA ON BOARD!  So now Birch is the target THANK GOD. To set everything in stone, Kurt and I formed the Hydra alliance with Ned and Jake. The Hyrdra is a multi headed dragon in greek mythology and I kind of love that because I feel like all four of us are smart level headed players, who like a little bit of chaos. I actually feel really good about this group in a way I never had about an alliance before. Kurt and Ned are my number 1 and 2, and I do really like Jake. I just don’t know if I can TRUST Jake the way I can the other 2. He’s clearly a smart player, we have a similar record, and he’s a villain for a reason. It very well could have been a mistake to align with him and tell him about the McBitches alliance. I took a risk, we’ll see how it plays out. I was VERY adamant about Malik not being in the alliance, and just using him as number. It’s funny because I LOVED Malik at the start of the game….NOW I’m counting the days off until he leaves. He makes all the guys really uncomfortable, flirting with Kurt and Jake despite knowing they have boyfriends, flirting with Ned despite knowing he’s straight. And with me, he mansplains to me CONSTANTLY. SIS IM A THREE TIME FINALIST SIT THE FUCK DOWN. God it pisses me off...so you flirt with all the guys, and mansplain to all the girls??? You’re that bitch I didn’t know you were. It just sucks because I was so excited to play with another queer poc, but that dream has turned into a nightmare. Unfortunately it doesn’t make sense to go after him yet, because we need him as a number. Sometimes I really wish I played this game personally. With all the hard game play going around, and petty drama, Kurt and I had a really big talk last night. You know those moments on the show, where two minorities walk off and talk about their lives in detail with a sad yet heroic underscore? Yeah we did that. He never asked me about transitioning but I opened up completely because I wanted to. He was so warm, and kind, and we shared our loyalties to each other. If he’s playing me, he’s doing it well, because I have his back unwaveringly. I’m playing for us at this point, and there is no one else I would rather be in this insane game with. #ShartIsReal :')

Okay so right now it seems that all eyes are on Ricky. He is never around for chatting so people are worried about that... But then Kage comes to me and says he'd prefer Lukas going.... and you see I don't want that. Nope not today. I would rather Ricky go based upon the fact he has been lying to me so many times this season already and I have caught him.... GODT. I am being so fake with him rn now and I hate it ugh

So with Emma gone I have rechecked my chats and it seems Lukas/Nicklas arent as inactive as I thought, though we might've lucked out in them wanting Ricky. I like the guy, but I do want to put Mystery Inc as a priority, especially Kage so if it is better for us to vote Ricky, then that's just the way it is, but it feels too easy almost?

I still have my eyes on Trent and Olivia. Sharifa told me the other day that they had been talking about me because of the beauty situation and she did a bit too, we talked about it and made up about it. I had been suspicious with Trent and Olivia from day two when I noticed pattens with them, I told Kurt about it and he agreed with it. Then that same other night, Ned confided in me that Trent and Olivia made a group with him, but they seemed stuck between voting him and Cheatham out the first round..? Make it make sense. Sharifa is also in a group with Trent and Olivia so to me that cake down to the fact that those two are trying to run the whole tribe and they’re running around lying and talking about certain people but then acting like they’re their best friends. So I have my eyes on them both. And it’s noticeable that they don’t talk really to me or in the alliance chat..CAN YOU BE EVEN MORE TRANSPARENT LMAOO it’s fine because the second we lose, we’re going to weaken their side, with my group that’s coming up..be ready for me, Sharifa, Kurt, Jake and Ned coming up soon..

 However I did talk to the tribe about what Sharifa let me know about the BBB challenge and it had nagged at me and I felt I found the perfect opportunity to bring it up during the “clock” mishap. So I’m glad I could bring it out then.

I'm about to sound like a douche but something that did bother me a little was the perspective that Matt was forced into cups. I think it may be my own fault for not vocalizing it more, but I did offer beforehand to do cups and that I had them if nobody else wanted to. Like I'll admit I don't know how I would've done, but I also don't want to be make it seem like Matt was the ONLY one who could do cups. Its a silly nitpick from me and I feel like I am being a bit mean but I figure it helps venting instead of keeping it in.

Pls someone out there help me cast a protection circle over Lukas

i’m stuck at work and i’m tired and i don’t want to vote anyone out because i like them all and NO ONE EVEN KNOWS WHAT THE FUCKING VOTE IS I HATE THIS FUCKING GAME.

Okay so like...... tribal is tonight and I’m nervous! Tbh the only reason to vote me out is that I have Olivia on the other side, but the tea is that EVERYONE on this wretched tribe has like 27 pre-game connections so idk why my 1 connection would make them tweak. On that subject- is there like a twist this season where 9 people who already know one another were collected and put on a tribe with some rando (me)?? That’s how it feels. Anyway, the plan is Ricky. Which makes me sad bc I love Ricky. However, It could be me...? Idk. I’d be fine w first boot if it’s at the hands of a group that’s playing on the basis of preexisting relationships

I just told Trent that I to much and am known for people getting mad at me for it. why the hell did  i just do that.