#and making me cry myself to sleep every night | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pwurrz · 2 years ago

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there is no god. do you know how i know that. i know this because if there were a god and he were loving he would not have created huntsman spiders. that creature alone is proof that god is either dead or never existed in the first place and satan took his place.

#why are they that big #there’s no need #there’s also no need for their speed #nigga you are fucking ginormous why tf are you running #you could outpace a toddler by walking at an average speed #why tf do they gotta run #why #why do they even exist in the first place #what is their purpose other than being roommates with people in australia #and making me cry myself to sleep every night #how are you even supposed to deal with that #you don’t trap that in a cup and relocate that #bitch that’s his home now #he pays rent and everything #it is time to get the fuck outta dodge #spiders /#arachnophobia /#/hj but. am i. am i really

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saeshiraw · 1 year ago

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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

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tteokdoroki · 2 years ago

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eren loves women period please don’t make it seem like someone’s fave wouldn’t like them because of their race

that’s crazy cuz he literally just hit my line sayin he lurrrrvs bwm so ??? 🫰🏾

#✧ ₊˚✉️੭ — new notification #again ur lack of ability to comprehend things is outstanding #how does it feel to be stupid ??#genuinely i would cry myself to sleep every night knowing i made a fool of myself on the internet like this #me saying a character likes black women to make sure black women feel included in fandom space #does NOT mean he wouldn’t love you #way to make it about you Karen!#go cry elsewhere

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heybaetae · 4 months ago

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#i’m having an incredibly hard time.#and i’m trying not to burden anyone else with it because i’ve already expressed so much of my grief related feelings over the last year #but this loss in particular is so incredibly profound and arguably the most painful bc it was the least complicated or nuanced #therefore i am completely and paralyzingly distraught in ways i didn’t experience with my grandma or my sister #and that’s confusing bc on one hand i wonder if it makes me a bad person and on the other hand i just don’t even care #pet grief is something entirely different #harley was and is the most important and precious thing in my life #his love was unconditional and he gave my days structure and routine #he is still so embedded in me that i have spent every day without him so far still listening for him around the house #i don’t think i’ve ever cried this consistently and so easily every day in my life #i don’t even have to try to cry or force it at all and i wonder how long it’ll take before the automatic nature of it stops #i go to sleep crying and the minute i get out of bed i am crying before i even leave my room bc i know he won’t he outside of it #my heart is so broken i feel like i’m going to suffocate #two nights ago i ran into my mom’s room sobbing before bed bc my night time routine was suddenly shortened #i can’t go to bed without putting him to bed #i didn’t know what to do i just broke down on her bed where i would tuck him in #i don’t know how i’m going to move on from this i genuinely am at my lowest point #i am Not okay. i haven’t been okay in a really long time but this has knocked me down so hard #i don’t see myself ever getting up atp

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immamapletreekid · 7 months ago

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work anxiety starting before work itself hahahahaahahahahahahhhaha

#IM BAKCIJ THE FUCKIGN BUIDLIGN .AGAIN. AUSUSUXHEHWHGLHKF #im grateful i have an internship for this summer with the way the job market is like currently.#im grateful that i have the opportunity to lessen the burden on my parents shoulders. im grateful that this job can pay rent and groceries #and tuition for a few terms im grateful i get to gain experience while still in school that will hekp me in the future #IM GRATEFUL FOR ALL THIS!!!!! BUT STILL I FUCLING HATE EVERYTHJGN #i hate being unable to eat anything ir sleep at night bc all i can think about is shit i have work tomorrow i have to email this guy and #finish these tasks and impress my manager and be approachable and enthusiastic and eager to learn and not make any mistakes #and not fail anything bc im getting graded on this its alwags grades its always the fucking grades #isnt it. it was the grades that had me crying on walks home from school when i was 9 and it was grades that made me waste away 9th grade #it was grades that made me unable to stomach anything during weeks with tests and it was and is still grades that #dictate every single fucking part of my life #and even tho the ppl who used to yell at me for getting a B in math in 5th grade are no longer yelling at me for getting 60s in linear algeb #ra and stats and calculus and cs #haha.ha when ur university is famous for its.. horribly high suicdie rates #i find that the yelling comes from me now. ive replaced the adults who would sit beside me at the dinner table #yelling bc yea guess what 8 year old me didnt understand division at first #god i hate this school so much. i hate what im studying im gratefula nd am so privileged to be ahle to further my educarion and receive #all these experiences mot everyone can have but god everytime i return to the city where the school is #i feel like throwing up and sobbing and just never ipening my eyes again #haha yea. i hope i csn get a job to support myself in the future #i hope i can still have time for hobbies #why si everyone at school so good at everything #ive met more people who have passed their rcm 10 and arct exams for piano than those who havent #i have classes with people who have already published research papers with professors in the states #my classmates can breeze through a cs assignment while still playing fir varisty teams. working out everyday. goijg ti parties.#eating and cooking balsnced meals each week. having a social life..the whole combo #meanwhile i get overwhelmed because i have to respond to an email and finish an assignment in one day #how do i become like them #why was this about work anxiety at first and why is it about the eternal imposter syndrome and lack of self confidence #i just want money man... i dont give a shit about snything anymore

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snoos-tattoos · 1 year ago

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1hyunjae · 1 year ago

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😄.

#:)#ive just been crying endlessly these past few months #i dont know what to do with myself #i dont know what to do i feel so helpless and alone. like theres nothing that i can do to make it better #i wont be able to get out of this situation for another year at least probably more and its driving me mad #im so angry and sad i just want to run away i just want to be alone #i go to sleep crying almost every night idk whats wrong with me

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pepprs · 2 years ago

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not doing good. at all

#purrs #today and yesterday ive been unspeakably depressed. and no one knows what to do with me and i don’t know what to do with me. but ivs been ge #getting absolutely SHIT sleep bc of my siblings staying up late and my sisters ocd stuff which is probably part of it. I now im wide awake a #and it’s 2 and im miseravle and can’t sleep and already did sleep for 2 hours and it didn’t help and im hungry and weak #i truly don’t n kw what’s wro ng with me. i want to be happy and normal but every day i have long moments where im trying so hard not to cry #and i think most ppl would excuse themselves to go cry or take a break or like. speak up and ask for help if they’re miserable but i don’t d #do any of that. i just hold it all in until i get so tired it disappears. and then when i do snap im too miserable and ashamed to actually b #be honest about how anyone can help me which only makes me cry more. atp idk what will help. im in therapy now im about to have some time of #km eating food i like even though it’s not the healthiest ive tried resting and getting sleep and whatever. maybe im just not cut out for #any of what im doing and i just need to detach myself from reality even harder than i am already doing apparently. idk nothing im typing is #making sense i just can’t fall asleep now and im so pissed at my siblings and im pissed at my whole family for not giving a shit that im mis #miserable and easily overstimulated by noise bc i could’ve had ghe room downstairs and im still being held hostage by redacted and being #shaken awake to redacted like last night and work is killing me for the dumbest reasons. i literally cannot keep living like this #delete later

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dolokhoded · 1 year ago

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if i see people excusing one more white american influencer not speaking out about the literal genocide going on right now because "they're under so much pressure" "they're reacting under crisis" im gonna start screaming i swear to god

#🧅#''theyre not educated enough'' nobody asked them to like. make a formal speech about it #share information from like. basic reliable sources. amplify palestinian people's voices. share fundraisers and donation links and other #ways people can help. you don't need to write a seven page essay about it #''ooh they're under so much pressure'' girl WHAT pressure. i'm not even some rich american and the only way this has affected me except fro #psychological consequences which are NOTHING in front of what palestinians are facing is that i've had to make an extra effort to keep #myself informed. do you realize how bare minimum that is.#this is not about us. the way this impacts us is NOTHING.#and either way i promise you brittany broski is not crying herself to sleep every night because people are asking her to speak out #pressure my ass #im genuinely so tired of y'all

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scattered-winter · 1 year ago

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woe another tag vent session be upon ye

#one of the girls in my class looks just like her. oh my god.#like im not being dramatic i literally thought it was her in my peripheral vision.#literally almost burst into tears in the middle of the room lmaooooooo #and then for the rest of the day every time i saw someone with her hair color i just saw her.#this shit sucks fr y'all i have never almost cried in public this much #and then i had to drive to pick up some groceries and fuck.#ive never been an anxious driver. i quite enjoy driving actually.#but i literally almost had a panic attack when i first pulled onto the road. i was so fucking anxious the entire time i was behind the whee #someone came up behind me pretty fast and i legit had to pull over to calm down it was so bad #so uh. not gonna be driving for a while lol. gonna kill myself or someone else doing that.#idk. idk i think this has me pretty messed up and i probably will be for a while. idk #my roommates and i finally decorated our living room and it was . fun. we laughed and made jokes and it was fun #but well. predictably i am feeling guilty over having fun now. which sucks ass from every angle #should i probably maybe make an appointment for therapy ???? probably ???????????#idk. might be good to talk all this out out loud yk. but also i Know i will cry and i dont want to do that.#sigh. anyway.#also predictably i cannot sleep. couldnt last night either.#i might go paint in the living room. i dont know.#anyway if u read this whole rant ily ur earning the veteran's pass to Winter's Breakdown Sessions #winter speaks #personal #grief tag #<- once again if u need to blacklist. will not hold it against anybody i prommy #tw death #tw panic attack

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navysealt4t · 1 year ago

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there is something about the jealousy i get when i look at cishet girls that makes me wanna run full speed into a brick wall

#LIKE GOD. GOD.#IT MAKES ME ILL #IM SO HAPPY IM A LESBIAN AND GAY AND ARO AND BIGENDER AND TRANS #BUT GOD DO I WISH I COULD TAKE THAT HURT AWAY #how i wish i could tell 11 or 12 year old me she isn’t a freak or unlovable or destined for sadness #i wish i could take away those night of crying myself to sleep #i wish i could take away every time i compromised with people because ‘at least they aren’t yelling at me or hurting me’#vent #i fucking . yeah #i hate hate hate it so much #because everyone all my cousins and friends treat like being gay as a silly thing that’s fun to laugh about say ‘yes girlie queen lesbian!’#i just don’t know how to fucking say being queer has never been a fully happy experince for me and i’m still struggling with that

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ghostmaking · 1 year ago

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i'm trying to give new 52 red hood & the outlaws another chance (i found the first 2 volumes in a bargain bin at a comic shop), but i cannot get over the complete retcon of jason's entire personality & back story. i like the idea of him reluctantly leading a team of outlaws, but the execution is... well horrible

i'm diving into vol 2 next, but my opinions of the first vol have not changed at all since i read it earlier this year. what a massive disappointment

#and dont even get me started on starfire #i dont want to waste my energy thinking about that for one more second #i dont even hate that she slept with both of her teammates bc i mean hey... why not #and having a side character call her a “blow up doll” or whatever doesnt make you self aware scott lobdell!!!#anyway can anyone write jason todd or am i just going to have to cry myself to sleep with a copy of under the hood in my arms every night #red hood

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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