#and make the first few chapters about *this* sirius and his early years before moving onto harry and his life!

[morsmordream]

a little sorting drabble based off of this post of mine about a darker slytherin sirius black.

“remember now, sirius, we have a reputation to uphold. you know what will happen if you bring shame on the house of black,” sirius’ father, orion, told him.

it was almost quarter to ten in the morning on the 1st of september 1971. today would be sirius’ first day of hogwarts, and in a matter of minutes the black family would be flooing to platform 9 and 3/4 to see sirius off.

he was excited, of course, and trying his best not to let his parents’ warnings dampen his mood.

“yes father,” sirius said.

“repeat to me what is expected of you, sirius,” his mother, walburga, said.

“i shall be sorted into slytherin,” sirius recited, having the familial expectations drilled into his head from a very young age, “i will maintain the highest grades i am capable of, and i will inform you and my head of house of any subject i struggle in so i can receive tutoring from an older year and so that a summer tutor can be arranged if i still struggle. i will maintain my alliances with those i know within slytherin, and form new alliances with children from suitable families, regardless of house, as is my duty as the heir to the house of black. i will endeavour not bring shame on our family- defending myself from attack and facing punishment for it is understandable, but i will not seek out trouble.”

“unless?” walburga prompted.

“unless there is problems caused by mudbloods or blood-traitors. in that case, i shall not take action alone if it can be helped, and i shall not take any action at all without calculating the risk of being caught.”

“very good, son,” father said, ruffling his hair- but enough to make a mess. orion looked at his watch, “walburga, would you fetch regulus?”

she nodded, and left the drawing room, leaving sirius and his father.

“now, sirius, you have ensured to pack your extra-curricular books?”

sirius nodded in affirmation. extra-curricular books was an interesting way to describe it. the secret and heavily warded compartment in his trunk contained everything from introductions to elective subjects he could not study until his third year and books on becoming a suitable heir all the way to beginners dark arts books.

“yes father. i shall keep the black family books to myself, but i can compare the other books and my notes on them with other students in my house.”

“good, you have listened well.”

“thank you father.”

walburga re-entered the room with regulus in tow.

sirius noticed that regulus was somewhat misty-eyed, and sirius felt a pang in his heart. regulus would not attend hogwarts for another two years, and sirius knew they would miss each other greatly. his brother was the most important person in his life, and he hoped the next two years would pass quickly.

“reggie, c’mere,” sirius said, opening his arms.

his brother all but ran to him, wrapping his arms around him and sirius held him close.

“i’m gonna miss you, siri,” he mumbled into sirius’ chest.

“and i you, but i’ll be back before you know it! yule break is only two months away, and i’ll tell you all about what i’ve learnt!”

“come now, boys, it’s time to leave,” orion said.

sirius reluctantly pulled himself away from regulus, and straightened his back as he strode towards the fireplace. he lifted a handful of floo powder and said, in the strongest voice his eleven year old self could manage, “platform nine and three quarters.”

•••

sirius stepped out of the carriage with an internal sigh. he had spent half an hour before the train set off with the other soon-to-be first years that he had grown up with- alecto and amycus carrow, antonin dolohov, rabastan lestrange, augustus rookwook, zacharias mulciber, garrick avery and euphemia rowle. he had excused himself in search of an empty carriage ten minutes before the train departed, claiming that he wanted some peace and quiet to read and would return in a few hours.

frankly, sirius just didn’t want to listen to all the complaining that was sure to ensue about headmaster dumbledore and sharing classes with mudbloods.

he ducked into an empty compartment and promptly resized his trunk, pulling out his copy of ancient runes made easy before shrinking his trunk again. his parents had already had him read his schoolbooks for the year, so he may as well read something that interested him.

minutes after the train left the station, the door to his compartment slid open and sirius was met with two somewhat out of breath boys.

they looked at each other for a moment before sirius sighed, shutting his book.

“may i help you?”

“we- uh- we couldn’t find and empty compartment,” the taller of the two boys said, “can we sit here?”

“i suppose so,” sirius said, gesturing to the seats opposite him. as the boys made themselves comfortable, he spoke again, “i’m heir sirius black, and you are…?”

“i’m heir james potter,” the boy who had spoken previously said, sitting up straighter. a pureblood, sirius noted, despite the boys messy hair.

“i’m peter pettigrew,” the other boy said quietly.

“is your mother professor pettigrew?” sirius asked, “the divination professor?”

“yes,” pettigrew nodded.

“not a class i plan to take,” sirius said.

“neither,” potter said, “no offence, pete.”

“i’m not sure if i will either,” pettigrew said, fidgeting slightly.

“what’re you reading, black?” potter asked.

“an ancient runes book.”

“but we don’t take that until third year?”

“i know. it interests me.”

potter furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by the compartment door opening again. this time it was a lone boy- somewhat skinny, with a long silver scar stretching from one cheek all the way across the bridge of his nose.

“my apologies,” the boy said, with a welsh accent, “all the other compartments were full, and i was hoping to find other first years to sit with. may i?”

sirius nodded, and shifted up slightly so the boy could sit beside him.

“thank you,” he said with a small nod, “i’m remus lupin.”

“james potter.”

“peter pettigrew.”

“sirius black.”

lupin flushed slightly, “oh- my apologies. i can leave if you so wish?”

“what? why?” potter asked.

“i’m a half-blood,” he said, with a quick barely noticeable glance at sirius out of the corner of his eye, “i understand that i am probably not the company you wish to keep.”

“nonsense,” potter said, “i don’t give a toss about blood purity, we’re all wizards anyway.”

“yeah,” pettigrew echoed.

all eyes turned to sirius, who was conflicted. yes, this was not exactly the company he was supposed to keep, but he didn’t exactly want to make enemies before he even arrived in hogwarts.

he shrugged, “you can stay. it’s fine.”

lupin sighed in relief.

potter began to rummage through the pockets of his robes (not as nice as sirius��� own, he noted to himself) and pulled out some cards.

“anyone for a game of exploding snap?”

•••

time passed quickly, and before sirius knew it the conductor’s voice was floating through the train telling students to begin changing into their robes as they would be arriving in hogsmeade station in twenty minutes.

he found himself liking the boys surprisingly well in the few hours he had known them, and had ended up on first name terms with all of them. he learnt that james would accept no house but gryffindor, peter assumed he would be hufflepuff but would love to be in gryffindor and remus desired ravenclaw. james and peter had known each other for years, and remus had lived rather isolated and didn’t know anyone who would be in their year.

james had rather insistently believed that sirius would be gryffindor himself, which sirius didn’t really respond to- focusing more on a conversation with remus about their upcoming classes.

as the conductor’s announcement finished, sirius bid his goodbyes to the other boys in the compartment- explaining that he had promised to return back to a different compartment before the train arrived.

as he left the compartment, and walked through the carriages, sirius noted with a small smile that those three boys were the first friends he had ever made all on his own.

he wondered if sorting into different houses would affect that- with james being so staunchly gryffindor.

•••

sirius’ nerves began to get the better of him as he stood with the other first years outside the great hall.

“ooh, sev, this place is huge! the pictures in the books really didn’t do it justice!” a red-headed girl near his right said to a boy with jaw length black hair, who nodded and mumbled something too low for sirius to hear.

“mudbloods,” mulciber muttered with a scowl. sirius nodded absentmindedly in response.

the doors to the great hall opened and the first years were beckoned forwards by the rather stern-looking professor mcgonagall.

as they walked in, sirius suppressed his awe at the enchanted ceiling of the great hall- maintaining his pureblood mask. he took a deep breath to calm his nerves, knowing how close he was to the beginning of the alphabet.

sirius ignored the first few names, but noted that avery, predictably, had went to slytherin. after a few more students, he snapped back to attention.

“sirius black,” mcgonagall called.

sirius walked to the front of the hall with his back straight and his head high, careful not to portray his nerves. he sat down on the stool with perfect posture as the sorting hat was placed on his head.

“well,” the hat spoke in his mind, “you are certainly an interesting one, heir black.”

“meaning?” sirius thought.

“i believe you would flourish in both gryffindor and slytherin, their traits fit you best. having the traits of both these houses is a rather uncommon occurrence,” the hat paused, “hmm, yes, indeed. interesting. where to put you?”

“i- i don’t know.”

“you have hopes and fears, certainly. you hope that in gryffindor you could join your new friends, but it will likely cause problems with your family. a tough decision. what do you believe is best, heir black?”

sirius thought hard about this one. could he really risk his parent’s anger over people he had met that very same day? the news of the black heir would certainly bring much unwanted gossip within pureblood circles, which would only make his parents’ displeasure worse over time. he didn’t want to lose his new friends either, though, but he had always been sneaky- he was sure he could maintain these friendships somehow?

“wise thinking, heir black,” the hat said in his mind, “very well.”

sirius took a deep breath.

“SLYTHERIN!” the hat announced to the hall.

he noticed a frown on james’ face as he stood and walked to the slytherin table and felt a small pang in his chest. he hoped his sorting didn’t make him hate him.

��merlin,” avery said, patting sirius’ back when he sat down, “you were almost a hatstall!”

“the hat was torn between slytherin and ravenclaw,” sirius lied easily.

avery scoffed, “not surprised, you never have your head out of a book.”

james, peter and remus were all sorted into gryffindor, but sirius noticed how long the latter two’s sortings took- with peter looking like he was desperate throughout his sorting and remus looking quite surprised. he didn’t quite like peter so much as he liked the other two, and he was more wary of him, but still- he was a friend now.

he sighed to himself as he ate his meal. he really hoped he had made the right decision.

[dwindlinghaze]

part i : no one mourns the wicked

(remus lupin x reader, sirius black x reader, soulmate!au)

series masterlist

summary: after the first quidditch match of the school year, sirius and remus became somewhat aware of their feelings towards you.

contents: fluff, really there's no warnings!! the next chapter will be more about them discovering what they feel, this one is just like an orientation of their background.

　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

walking through the halls of hogwarts is usually considered calm and peaceful; wind softly blowing through the creaks on the carved out gothic windows and the rubber soles of shoes padding across the marble floor were the only sound and feel. well, that is, unless it was around a quidditch match.

every semester, the annual quidditch match between the four houses will be held. now stepping a foot in the hall outside a classroom felt incredibly crowded and overwhelming.

a ravenclaw chaser yelling at his beater to put himself up together, first year students who are still questioning what the sport is all about, the gryffindor captain explaining on the tactics of playing. it was chaotic.

"we're going to win this one!" james put his fist up in the air, followed by his teammates who were just as excited as he was. a series of 'whoos' and 'yes' were yelled, bumping their shoulders together.

it was an understatement if you said you weren't ecstatic to see james and sirius playing the match this early october. they were both outstanding quidditch players, they have all your support. speaking of which, remus was still healing from last night's event.

it was a full moon. he woke up this morning, struggling to move from his bed. james and sirius had already assured him that it's completely okay if he missed. but remus was a sweetheart and would never miss his best mates' long-awaited quidditch match. it was all they ever talk about.

"y/n wait up!" remus shouted from behind as he limped to where you were standing.

you reluctantly whipped your head around, steps coming to a halt to wait for your friend. once he was close enough you reached out your hand for him to hold. "sorry remus," you chuckled. "come on, the good seats will be taken if we're slow!"

remus hesitated for a while to hold your inviting hand. he didn't want you to get left behind because of him. you noticed his expression of course, being the observant friend you are. a soft sigh escaped your lips as you squeezed remus' hand, beckoning him that it's okay.

"m'sorry," remus said in embarrassment. realisation hit you when you remembered that last night was a full moon. poor boy he must be struggling to even stand up on his two legs.

to make it clear, you were the first person remus told about his lycanthropy. it didn't happen on purpose though. you happened to be at the hospital wing after remus transformed during second year.

he may or may not had said 'i hate being a werewolf' way to loud. loud enough for you to hear when you couldn't sleep from your painful sickness.

twelve year old remus with his heightened wolf senses seemed to hear your little gasp. he panicked, hating the way he was so careless, not making sure there are no one in the wing first before he spoke such things.

however, his worry came to an end when you said that you won't say anything about his condition to a single soul ever. since then, you and remus became close friends. after a few months he introduced you to the marauders and you befriended them also.

a warm smile spread across your lips, "s'okay remus," you said softly, "i'm sure there will be seats left for us. how can i help hm?"

remus shook his head, "never mind that, you can go up there before me and save a seat for us yeah?" he really didn't want you to have a view of heads while watching your best friends' first match of the year.

you couldn't leave him though. he looked sick and fragile after this particular full moon so you insisted on sticking with him just in case the pain was too much to handle. "who will help you climb that hundreds of stairs up the stands?" you joked earning a tired smile from him.

you helped him climb up the flight of stairs. it was slow, remus groaning each time he pulled a muscle. nevertheless, you both made it up. you beamed once you saw a perfect spot right behind the fences.

"perfect view," you said to him. the match has already started unfortunately, but you both were lucky enough to arrive right on time as to see james chasing after the snitch.

"look at siri's hair," you said in awe, nudging remus on his elbow.

"good hair is it?" he replied, eyes locking on sirius' beautiful, long, shiny hair. it still looked gorgeous even when he's sweating from head to toe, even after the wind blew his hair back.

"he has nice hair," you smiled coyly. remus looked away, feeling a weird sensation down his stomach. his hand went up to touch his messed up hair, insecurity washing over him knowing that his hair is not even half as good looking as sirius'. he never felt this way before. he couldn't be jealous, for you weren't his and sirius is his best friend.

"your hair is also very beautiful," you said. it's true. remus may not have long silky jet black hair like sirius but his hair is full and fluffy. you touched it once when you were taking out a piece of dirt, his hair is in fact very soft.

remus mumbled a small 'thank you', eyes glued to his shoes. it was not a rare occasion for you to compliment him. you always say how smart he is or how he looks more than good after a rough transformation. your compliments always leave him a mushy mess. he can't deny, he loves it. it's quite rare for him to have someone saying nice things about himself.

that weird feeling appeared again when you laughed and clapped your hands to sirius when he did a flip with his broomstick.

maybe it's the way you smile, that very smile that makes his heart felt at ease. maybe it's the way you didn't see him in any other way when he told you he's a werewolf. maybe it's the way you were so eye catching yet you never let anyone felt less.

there are so many things running through his head.

"gryffindor has won the 1976th quidditch match!" the bombing voice from the loud speaker has made its way to your ears, breaking remus' train of thoughts. you gasped as you took remus arms, "they did it!"

and just like that, you had left remus on his own up at the quidditch stand. he didn't blame you for leaving him though, of course you wanted to congratulate your friends down at the pitch after their win.

he waited until the students has all gone before he made his way down the tenths of stairs. now that you weren't here, it is hard for him to not feel a pain every time he bent his knees to step down. aching with every step, he met you halfway with your arms linking around sirius'. the sight giving remus a pain under his ribcage.

"moony!" sirius yelled and hugged him. "we won we won we won!"

"congratulations pads," remus said as he smiled into the hug. the long haired lad may or may not hugged him way to harsh. "ow padfoot," remus hissed as he pulled away, reaching for his scapula to soothe the pain sirius gave.

"sorry moons," sirius grinned. "gotta go now, have a blast you two!" he then skipped happily to the gryffindor's quidditch team on the other end of the hall, receiving congratulations and compliments from the people around.

your arm circled around remus' torso, saying that he can lean to you if the ache was too much. he didn't though, he doesn't want to look more pathetic than he already has. besides, who was he to get such treatment?

with the new found feelings remus discovered, he couldn't get you out of his mind. now everything that you do is mesmerising to him. you picking up a a piece of bread and spread it with butter, you furrowing your brows to focus while reading a letter from your dad, you pursing your lips in disapproval when james made a nasty remark about a third year.

remus noticed everything now. it felt like he was looking through a telescope but the only object there to see is you. only you.

sirius was sprawled on the red cushion sofa, legs dangling from the arm rest. he was talking to james and the other teammates over and over about their win. all of them were so happy and proud, after years of losing they can finally get that golden trophy.

sirius' eyes traveled to the common room's door where it flung open revealing you and remus laughing together as they stepped in. the two of you talked like you were the only person existed in the world.

the raven haired boy narrowed his eyes at the two of you, a sinking feeling in his stomach. he knew how much you enjoy spending your time with remus, but he couldn't help wishing it was him instead.

he recalled the amount of times when remus cried on your shoulder after a full moon, but then he remembered the amount of times you hugged him tightly when he received another howler from his mother.

you study with remus but you also help sirius do pranks. you always buy remus a bunch of chocolate but you also buy him a lot of things from zonko's joke shop.

sirius' was equally in the same spot as remus.

that left him at ease because he might have a silly crush on you. sure they were sixteen and mature but when it comes to romance they were just like twelve year olds.

"hey guys over here," james put his hands in the air, motioning for you and remus to come over.

"won't we be interrupting?" you joked as you dragged remus along to sit down at the empty sofa. half of the quidditch team had already left to clean themselves.

"nope. did you see me when i caught that snitch? gosh i was so cool. is there any possibility that lily saw me?" james asked, looking at you with pleading eyes.

you hesitated before answering. you didn't want to be the cause of his happiness coming to an end but you didn't see lily anywhere either. "i didn't see lily but i'm sure she saw you james, you were incredible."

"i know right? i better take a shower so when lilypad sees me, i will be fresh and handsome," he winked before jumping up from his seat on the way to the loo.

you conjured a cold towel and threw it to sirius, "you look like you ... are sweltering," you said, seeing his heated face from the adrenaline.

"whoa-" he sighed, placing the towel over his head as he leaned back to the sofa. "how did you-"

"witchcraft," you replied simply.

sirius lips turned into an 'o' as he closed his eyes in delight, feeling the cold sensation travelling through his hot skin. "why is it called witchcraft, why is there no wizardcraft..."

you scoffed, "there's a term called 'wizardry',"

sirius took a peek in between the fold of his towel to look over at his tall friend who has been real quiet. he saw how remus was looking at you like you were the one winning the quidditch match. "is moony staring at you the result of witchcraft too?"

hearing this, you turned your head swiftly to see the boy sitting next to you. you made an eye contact but not long before remus cheeks reddened as he looked away, eyes landing hard on his lap. before remus can make a lame excuse or before you can come up with a remark to leave remus alone, sirius had already stood from the carpet.

"i'm taking a shower, it's getting hot in here," he joked before running up the stairs. truth be told, he hated the way you and remus looked at each other. eyes soft and cheeks red. he can't control the jealousy from rising up by seeing you and remus together.

[morganalatina21]

Manipulating Death: Chapter Six

Series Summary: When Harry discovers he has a twin sister that was hiding for years, he wants to know all about her, specially about her ability to bring people back to life.

a/n: this took me a while to finish because I'm so sleepy and classes are are a lot of pressure

(Also, english isn’t my first language so I’m sorry in advance lol)

Last Chapter | Masterlist

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Stepping up to the kitchen with her brother right by her side, she saw Regulus. A simple black t-shirt covering his torso and she could notice some strand of her hair here and there.

His back was facing them while he cooked bacon and the coffee was finishing. The steam from the cooking was rising and gave him an ethereal look when put together with the sunlight entering from the window.

She didn't knew what was it, because she saw him like that everyday for the last three years. But that time, she thought how much his aura was husband material.

"I'm going to check on Sirius." The girl announced, desesperately wanting to avoid thinking about him that way, and sprinted upstairs once again. "Good morning, Remus."

The man was stunned to see her up so early, she clearly wasn't like James on that part.

"Good morning, Y/n."

Even he wasn't such a morning person, but there was a lot on his mind to spend time sleeping.

"Are you well rested?" She asked, dragging her feet to Sirius' room.

"As much as I can be."

Opening just a tad, she saw the man looking like he was thrown on the bed, hands to different sides, head tilted and open legs.

"I don't remember him having such a heavy sleep." Remus commented when they entered the room, not even trying to keep quiet.

To be honest, he usually was the last one to wake up, so the few times he has to wake Padfoot, it wasn't that much struggle.

"The Blacks usually don't, Regulus told me." She added, approaching the bed. "But I think after having to sleep on Azkaban with who knows what sounds, you just get used to it. Sirius? Sirius!" Shaking his shoulders didn't do the trick, neither shouting his name and, to be fair, Lupin was already thinking he died again.

That was until Y/n pulled the sheets and he stumbled to the side, almost falling off the bed.

"Oooh, why?" He moaned in a raspy voice, such as a child.

"Because I need to make sure you're okay." She informed, stepping on the bed. "Don't worry, it won't take long."

Every time she pulled a little bit of his skin to examinate searching for possible necrotic parts, he'd moan and grunt lightly like an unhappy dog.

"So, are you guys together?" She asked, looking closely to his eyelids.

"Us?" Lupin questioned, gesturing to himself and the man lying down. "Why would you think that?"

"Did my idiot brother said something?"

"Reggie only said you guys were really close and he couldn't understand why Remus actually believed you betrayed my parents." She told, moving to the start of his throat. "But way before that, I've always had dreams about what would happen if Voldemort never came to our house, and you guys were always together so... I guess I just assumed it.."

Remus and Sirius stared at eachother awkwardly. It's been years since they seen one another like that.

Sure, on the Order's meetings at the Grimmauld Place they'd sit extremely close and sometimes spare some glances no one else understood. But their story was from years ago, when they didn't even suspected Peter could betray them.

And to think that they had plans of getting married once the war was over.

Both had to admit: they missed it. God, they missed it.

Even with all the fights, the screams, the jealousy game, in the end they were there for the other. Lupin even dared to miss the full moons in his years at Hogwarts, knowing his best friends would be by his side.

They remembered when James and Peter first found out officially, and they ended up sleeping in the Common Room to avoid all their unstoppable romantic demonstrations.

But right now was different.

Sirius went through a lot, he didn't know if he was ready for it again, and the war? There was so much!

And Remus... He just got used to being alone again! Of course, Grant was there for some time but he learned to never again let someone in that much.

"I guess it's alright." She finally said, breaking the uncomfortable silence they all left.

"Wait, if we're here... Your brother and my brother are together alone?" Sirius asked, his mustache giving an even darker tone to his smile.

"I bet it's the weirdest situation ever."

"I, all of a sudden, have the urge to spend one hour in the shower. If you don't mind, m'lady." He bowed, standing up and whipping his hair to the sides as making his way to the bathroom.

Y/n and Lupin laughed at that, making him pose even more for their entertainment, feeling young once again.

"I know you all want a show, but I'm a mysterious man and won't give it to ya!" Sirius announced in a theatrical whisper, disappearing and closing the door behind.

"I'm sorry." The girl said after a few moment in silence with her godfather. "If I made things weird by asking that."

Remus started to shrug away, but his eyes sparkled, seeing an opportunity. "I'm guessing I could ask you something close to that." He sat on the end of the bed, staring at her. "What's your relationship with Regulus?"

The Potter held her breath a little, he had to ask that right now?

If he asked that yesterday, it'd be so much easier to answer.

"We're just... close." She breathed out, it wasn't a lie. "It was a rough start, but we spent so much time together."

"And you have, may I say... benefits in that friendship?"

"What? No!"

"Do you wish to have those benefits?" That question made her stop in her tracks.

Of course earlier in bed she thought about kissing him, there was no doubt. But was it all? Or maybe she wanted a little more than just small benefits?

"It doesn't matter." She landed in her chest, face buried between pillows to avoid looking at her godfather.

His laugh was audible and she squirmed even more.

Look at me, she thought, not talking about boys with my godfather!

"You know, I don't blame you." He started, coming closer to her. "Regulus have always been pretty, he's strong and smart. And probably the last man on earth to you right now." He joked. "I think Lily would've approved. James not a chance, but he'd think that about any guy that wants to get with you."

"Regulus doesn't want to get with me." She snapped, grabbing the pillow and facing the ceiling. "And besides, nothing is happening so that dies here!"

"I think the last thing happening is remaining dead around here." Sirius said, staring out of the bathroom.

Y/n stared harshly at Lupin, massing him swear silently he wouldn't say anything.

Both Harry and Regulus thanked internally when the three were coming downstairs, an unpleasant silence pairing all along.

"Good morning, Harry." Sirius cheered, fuzzing his already messy hair. "Good morning, brother!"

As they all sat down to eat, Regulus noticed how Y/n looked like she was messing effort to be away from him, leaving an empty chair between them, and avoiding to take thing closer to where he was, even though her favorite was right in front of him.

"So, what are we gonna do with the Order?"

"I'm glad you asked, Harry." Y/n said with a little smile. "I whispered a Confundus before starting out of the shadows to save Sirius, it didn't affect you because you were too far from me, but it must've worked for others."

"So the plan is, you and Remus go back today and say he took you away after Sirius died. You're in grief so questions will be short. Sirius will stay here since he's allegedly dead. Until we find a way to communicate with you guys, no one says a word about what happened or we all go down. And I mean to Dumbledore, too."

Harry nodded. He still wanted to trust his professor, but if it wasn't the safest thing to do, everything would become hell, even his new little piece of heaven.

"If you're gonna pass as grief it'd be better to not look so happy." Regulus advised and Harry noticed he was starting to smile.

He really couldn't help, everything was starting to feel okay. He just wanted to laugh at the moment and hug his sister.

After all, with years thinking he was completely alone, finding out all these people got your back, that would make anyone's head spin.

The tears came by the time they were saying goodbye. He wanted to stay and forget a war was involving him.

"See you soon." The girl assured, with a smile on her face and he hoped it was true.

When the boy and the professor disappeared the house immediately felt lonely, empty.

She wished war was over, so the twins never had to spend moments alone again.

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[birlwrites]

hello!! so, i’m currently rereading stga because it’s by far one of my favourite regulus-centric fics, and something in chapter twelve has really caught my eye.

That would be one solution, but then Regulus would have to figure out how to stop being a Dark Lord and that seems like much more trouble than just defeating Voldemort and being done with the whole thing.

If he could siphon off Voldemort’s supporters to another cause, though…

No, too much work. Regulus may be a Black in the main line, but he’s a younger son and a blood-traitor. He’d have a difficult time getting traction. Also, he wouldn’t know what to do with followers.

Is this where the inspiration for ttdl/tyrant comes from? Or did that come much later?

either way, would you mind rambling a bit to us about the main differences between stga!regulus and ttdl!regulus? I mean, obviously, there is the whole ‘one is a gryffindor who never lost sirius and the other is a slytherin who hasn’t had him in a long time and took his title of Heir’ thing; but beyond circumstances, what are the main differences and similarities in characterisation and personality?

— 💌

THAT IS INDEED WHERE THE INSPIRATION COMES FROM YES

i started working on tyrant fairly early in the process of writing stga, which is why tyrant!regulus, especially in the early chapters, has a lot of similarities to stga!regulus. over time, i kind of narrowed down what i was going for, which is how ttdl!regulus came to be

in a word, the best way for me to describe the difference between stga!regulus and ttdl!regulus is temperature.

stga regulus is, as the fic itself suggests, much more fiery than ttdl regulus - in the sense that he'll commit shitloads of arson and snap at dumbledore, yes, but also in the sense that he is a bolder character. he'll walk into dangerous situations with like 25% of a plan because he decides he needs to do something and figures he'll make up the rest along the way, and he's far more openly confrontational. this is partly gryffindor influence and partly the comparative *lack* of sacred 28 influence, compared to ttdl!regulus

(part of that is because when i wrote stga, i hadn't totally planned out my idea of how the sacred 28 works - in ttdl, they're basically the aristocracy of magical britain, and in stga it's much more nebulous. stga regulus isn't dealing with the same society balls and such that ttdl regulus is, and as a result, they've learned different ways of moving through the world and getting what they want)

and stga regulus is less subtle than ttdl regulus - like, the very last scene of stga is stga!regulus doing in 2 minutes what ttdl!regulus intends to do over the course of a few years. minus the dark lord part

ttdl!regulus has less of the 'fuck this shit' instinct than stga!regulus does, which means that he tends to react to things more hesitantly. when he does have to take immediate/hasty action, it's usually more on the incremental side of things than stga!regulus's strategy of 'i will put the fiendfyre in my body and this will solve my problems by giving me new, more interesting problems,' for example

and ttdl!regulus also prefers to pull strings, rather than getting involved himself. he's in a perpetual loop of 'i need more information' that stga!regulus isn't in, and tends to wait until his hand is forced before doing something decisive (which isn't to say he waits until the last minute, but rather until he thinks he can't reasonably put it off anymore - and given ttdl!regulus's tendency to think WELL in advance and also come up with super complicated plans that require a lot of time to pull off, this can in fact strongly resemble being proactive)

on a more nuts-and-bolts level, stga!regulus is more informal, and stga as a fic is more casual in tone than ttdl (which reflects the POV characters). this is because stga!regulus and ttdl!regulus have adapted to very different milieus, but also those differences are present from the beginning. stga!regulus in the first hogwarts chapters has some. Pretentious word choices lol

i also don't think stga!regulus would ever go the 'dark lord' route, for the reasons he mentions in the part you excerpted. he wouldn't know what to do with followers. stga!regulus doesn't have particularly grandiose visions for his future and his ambitions generally include making benjy's life worse, not getting accidentally poisoned by his and sirius's extreme culinary prowess, and Surviving This Goddamn Fucking War. he just wants to sit by the fireplace and drink tea and read dark arts books

and ttdl!regulus is down to sit by the fireplace and drink tea and read dark arts books, but he also has something to prove that starts gnawing at him much earlier than it does for stga!regulus (who also resolves it much faster lol)

and that's another difference - pride. they both have it, but stga!regulus is chiller about it. he has his circle of friends and people who are important to him, and beyond them, he doesn't really give a shit. ttdl!regulus feels a real need to be recognized and is less willing to be imperfect where others can see

hm that's all that's coming to mind at the moment but i'm sure there are smaller differences - another big one is the degree to which each of them represses their emotions and how they go about doing it. ttdl!regulus doesn't need occlumency afjslghskdfh but that means he's also less aware of when he's not permitting himself to feel things

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Thirteen

James Potter x OC

A/N: This is more of a short interlude to explain James' thought on everything and a quick pre-taste on Cec's state of mind. I hope, you enjoy. Thank you for all your reviews and thoughts on it.

Words: 2k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six  Chapter Seven  Chapter Eight  Chapter Nine  Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve

James Potter was restless. He was giddy, he was elated, he was happy. The love of his life had said 'yes' to him! Or would have said 'yes' to him! Same difference. His brown eyes stared wide and awake at burgundy red canopy of his bed. He couldn't find any sleep within him. Not with the amazing revelation that he had discovered no longer than a few hours ago. Or was it only an hour ago?

He had lost any sense of time.

'It did not get me to say yes back then, but...'

'If I had known this side of you before, I might have agreed.'

'To- you know.'

'To going out with me', James thought, smiling as his heart burst in happiness. 'It worked exactly as I had planned. No, as Sirius had planned.' He remembered the party back then, when he tried the new tactic of 'being civil' and Sirius had suggested to take it up a notch. 'He was right all along.' The messy-haired boy turned his head towards the bed, where his best mate's form was sleeping peacefully and jumped up, promptly throwing himself on him.

"What-where-who?!" Sirius spluttered, drool dripping from the corner of his mouth. James couldn't even think about how disgusting that was as he took his head and started planting multiple kisses wherever he could reach. "Oi Prongs, what-"

"Pads, you are the bestest mate any mate could ever ask for," James said word for word between every kiss. Sirius laughed, a smile reaching his eyes as he noticed how happy his brother in all but blood was.

"Of course I am," he boasted, "What made you finally realise it though?" James dropped himself down next to him, facing him with a blissful sigh. "Did you dream about me saving your life or something?"

"Yeah, something like that," James grinned, his eyes lit up and Sirius' smile widened, appreciating how infectious his good mood was. "You won't believe what happened today."

"Have you finally realised that I'm the better Quidditch player than you and are here to congratulate me?" Sirius guessed jokingly.

"Wha- no! Be sirius!" Sirius opened his mouth. "No, don't go there!"

"Wow," the grey-eyed boy chuckled, "you won't even let me do my signature joke. This must be big."

"It is," James looked at him with wide excited eyes, "You won't believe what Lily said to me today!"

Sirius blinked at him. "Evans?"

"Yes, Lily Evans," James replied impatiently, wondering if his best mate got hit on the head whilst Sirius wondered when the last time had been that he had mentioned her. "We talked today after studying and she literally told me that she would say 'yes' to me asking her out!"

Sirius' mouth opened but he was speechless. "What?" he cleared his throat, feeling dread creep up on him.

James giggled - actually giggled - in delight. "She said, if she had known this side of me that I've been showing her lately she would have said 'yes', Sirius! How bloody amazing is that!"

"Yeah, really amazing," Sirius said half-heartedly before looking at his mate grinning to himself in bliss, "But I mean, it doesn't matter anymore anyways, right?"

"Why? What do you mean?" James asked him confused and Sirius stared at him as if he were crazy. "Because you are with Cec now? You know, your girlfriend?!"

James' smile faded as he thought of his current girlfriend. "Yeah, Cec is the only hindrance right now. Lily will surely say yes when I'm not taken anymore."

Sirius stared at him in disbelief. "So, you're just gonna disregard her like that? Throw her away now that the red-head has finally decided to pay attention to you?"

James furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't understand why you are so surprised. This was the plan all along. Your plan, Pads." Sirius' heart dropped as he realised what his mate meant. 'I'm just saying that if you want this new tactic to work and make it actually believable you will have to go out with someone else. You know, make her see what she is missing and what she could have had…make her come to you.' "I thought you would be happy about this," James continued to ramble, feeling his elation deflate the more he thought about Cec himself. 'She will understand.'

"That- bloody hell, James," Sirius said, frustration clear in his voice, "I only said that so you would finally get your head out of Evan's ass and move on."

James frowned. "How would that have happened with that plan in mind?"

"I don't know, I thought you would bloody forget about the plan," Sirius sat, sitting up as he got more agitated, "Hell, I forgot about it long ago." James raised himself up as well, opening his mouth but his best mate cut him off, "I didn't think you would go along with the relationship for so long just for the slightest possibility that Evans would say yes to you. You were freaking together for almost a year."

"Eight months," James corrected, causing him to roll his eyes, "And of course, I didn't forget about the plan. It was the reason why I got together with Cec in the first place."

"Yeah, but I didn't think you were faking it this whole time."

"I wasn't faking it!" Sirius raised an eyebrow and James shook his head, confused why that had been his immediate reaction to the accusation, "I mean, I wasn't really faking it. I like Cec, but as a friend."

Sirius snorted, "Sure, your snogging sessions in every corner in this school was just friendly."

"That was just...practice-"

"Sure, it was."

"-for when I'm finally with Lily."

"James, you sound like a real dick right now," Sirius said deadpanned. James sighed frustrated, all the happiness gone. "I don't get it. You were all for it at first. Even came up with the bloody plan." He stilled as he watched his grey eyes flash with guilt and calmed down. "What changed your mind now?"

"Just...Cec is a great girl. And she made you great, too," Sirius said simply and he shot him a surprised look, "She made you reflect on everything more, think more about your future and what you're gonna do. We all started talking more about serious stuff and not just about who we are going to prank next."

"We didn't only do that!" James protested and Sirius sighed tiredly, "No, of course not. But most of the time."

James stayed quiet for a thoughtful second before remarked, "She is a good listener."

"And good with advices," Sirius added.

"And good in comforting."

"Definitely."

"And good in lightening up the mood...conversations are always easy with her," James continued and Sirius watched him silently as he noted his chocolate brown eyes glaze over as he remembered all the times with her, "Even silences are comfortable with her. And she is a bloody good Quidditch player. I bet you my life that the Montrose Magpies will recruit her some day...," James trailed off, her smiling face clear in his mind, "...yeah, she is great friend." Sirius groaned, hitting his face with his palm.

"What?" James asked, blinking.

"How can you still consider her with all the things you've just listed?" Sirius said exasperated.

"Sirius, I would bloody say all that about you as well," James countered back, causing his grey eyes to soften, "Except for the thing with the Montrose Magpies. You are not that good of a Quidditch player." Sirius scoffed, punching his arm lightly and they chuckled quietly together. "But you see what I mean. I consider Cec as a friend, a very good friend."

Sirius sighed in defeat. "And Lily," James continued, a besotted smile gracing his features, "She's just the light of my life. She is so beautiful and smart and always knows what to say. And she is funny-"

"Alright, alright. I get it," Sirius cut him off, dreading his long-ass speeches about Evans that he had not missed at all in the past months. "So, what are you gonna do now?"

"Well, explain everything to Cec, break up and then ask Lily out. Duh."

"She's so going to hate you for this," Sirius remarked. 'And me, too,' he thought, feeling his heart clench at the thought.

"Who? Lily?"

"No, Cec."

"No," James declined easily, settling back on the mattress with his arms behind his head, "She might get angry, but she will understand." 'She will.' "She always understands me."

"If you say so," Sirius said doubtfully, lying down next to him.

James listened to the breaths of his friends in the silent night, thoughts racing through his mind. Of all the times they had sat together in front of the fireplace in the common room, talking for hours on end. Of the dates they had in Hogsmeade, in the kitchens, anywhere on the Hogwarts grounds. Of her warm and loving gaze only directed at him, making him feel at peace and appreciated. Yeah...she will understand.

...

I sat, staring blankly into the darkness. It was probably way past midnight, maybe even the early morning. Or maybe just an hour had passed since I was hit with the crushing revelation.

I had lost any sense of time.

'It was just an act.'

'We look like we are besotted with each other.'

'James, you dumb asshole,' I thought numbly, only just realising the tears that had welled up and spilled over my cheeks, now that I was engulfed in darkness. I sniffed. 'You stupid, bloody asshole.'

Taking a shuddering breath I thought back on every single moment, wondering if there had been any sign - just a little one - that could have warned me. The sudden interest in me perhaps? I mean, I had been suspicious in his sudden disregard in Lily, but somewhere along the line I had let myself fall into the trap and started dating him. 'I should have persisted more. Maybe he would have told me of this blasted plan and spared me of what I'm feeling right now.' I closed my eyes, pressing a hand against my chest in hopes that it would somehow shield the hurting, beating organ from feeling any pain. An overwhelming pain that was starting to constrict my throat.

Opening my eyes, I desperately looked for any kind of distraction, seeing only a bed, dark tall walls and a few windows in the wish room Sirius had shown me not long ago.

'Sirius!' I bit the inside of my cheek as another painful wave hit me. Had he known about James' plan to use my oblivious self for his own selfish reasons, regardless of what would happen to me?

They were best friends, I would be surprised if he hadn't known.

A whimper escaped me as I staggered up and trudged towards the bed, dropping myself on it and curling up into the ball as tight as I could.

How life-changing a few seconds could be..

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 31

Pairings: Sirius B, F!Reader, Remus L  Warnings: Language, smoking weed, shitty parenting, mentions of death A/N: more of a filler but it helps establish stuff. *unbeta'd

【 Masterlist | Previous Chapter | ao3 】

Chapter 31: Drowning on Dry Land

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

The week before her flight back, Matthew’s parents invited her over for dinner.

Waiting to greet them at the door was Mrs. and Mr. Gaplin. Matthew’s father, a Half-Maj, was a Potioneer while his mother, an Old-Maj, was a Court Scribe. They wore large, kind smiles as Mrs. Gaplin pulled her into a tight, crushing hug.

After pleasantries, she and Matthew kicked off their shoes while his parents ushered them to the dining room.

“How are you darling? '' Mrs. Gaplin asked, floating plates in their direction as everyone began helping themselves to food. “Matt wouldn’t stop talking about you since we knew y’were coming.”

She side-eyed Matthew who groaned loudly. “Did not!”

“Sure thing,” she added, which caused Matthew to slump in his chair as his parents laughed at him.

It was a nice, charming evening; filled with laughter and heartfelt conversations. His parents continued to gloat about Mathew’s achievements that he hadn’t told her. It caused him to almost get up and run out of the room from embarrassment before moving to boast about Y/N. Even Mr. Gaplin asked her regarding her OWLs which pleasantly surprised her.

A few times, Mr. Gaplin pressed a few cheeky kisses to his wife’s face as Matthew made loud retching noises.

“Disgusting!”

Mr. Gaplin laughed. “Ya sixteen. Suck it up.”

“But you’re still my baby!” Mrs. Gaplin cooed, getting up to collect the plates.

Matthew tried to look insulted but she could see the small smile that threatened his lips as jealousy nipped at her toes.

The next few days were spent staying at the Gaplin household. Matthew’s parents insisted constantly that she should stay over so they could utilize the little time they had left before leaving. At first, the idea made her feel intrusive. Although, her mother hadn’t returned to the brownstone house, preferring to sleep in the on-call rooms at the Brooklyn Memorial Hospital. It quickly got lonely and boring before Y/N finally agreed. Besides, Mrs. and Mr. Gaplin were only around for breakfast and dinner - working for the day but never failed to return; always wearing larger smiles than the previous night.

They made her feel welcomed and warm - even taking her and Matthew to the local pictures. They included her in everything, even their trivia and board games after dinner.

It was quite the change compared to her family life.

Then an identical routine ensued. She would wake up, get ready for the day; spend hours with Matthew; then twilight fell as they stayed awake into the early hours of the morning.

The day before she was due to leave, she and Matthew ran up to his room after dinner. He went to lean on top of the small coffee table, rolling up a joint as she collected her possessions scattered around his room; not wanting to leave it for the last minute.

“Fancy some grass?” He asked in a poor British accent.

“Nah,” she shook her head, “But thanks love.”

Mathew’s smile turned bashful as he stood, turning on the radio in the background. She moved to open his window which was just above the roof of his shed as she stepped out with steady feet. Perching herself down on the blankets and pillows they hauled outside the night prior, she stared at the glowing city splayed in front. From the window, The Velvet Underground flowed softly.

Matthew proceeded to hop out, sauntering over as he threw a flirtatious wink.

“Brough this,” he said, tossing the camera he’d taken from her bag. She caught it as he nestled beside her and lit the joint; placed in his mouth. Billows of smoke clouded around them while she snapped a few photos of the view.

“Ya sure you gotta leave?” Matthew whined, embers of the end of the joint sparking with another huff. “Maybe you can smuggle me. Shove me into that trunk.”

She pulled the camera away from her face, inhaling the earthy, pungent scent. Her head felt a bit lightheaded from it. “A hardcore criminal at sixteen?”

Matthew was mildly amused until a troublesome look passed through his features. “Um — name something ya miss most about home.”

Home. What a funny word — place — feeling. Home was supposed to be something that made your heart glow, feel warm and happy — by that definition, a year ago home would’ve been her little house back in Toronto with the beautiful maple trees swaying in the backyard. Or home would’ve been Ilvermorny and its tall ivory walls. But now, London, or maybe just Hogwarts, had become her home. The scrolls around the Herbology greenhouse, the library, sneaking around past curfew; the Black Lake, Hogsmeade — Lily, James, Marlene, Dorcas, Remus, Regulus…

Unsure of what to say, she opted for, “You?”

Matthew rolled his eyes, bringing the joint to his lips. “Real charmer.” Then, smoke surrounded them. “But really.”

“Why?”

“C’mon! I need an answer! — I don’t know… say somethin’ like… lobstah.”

She chuckled. “Lobster? Really?”

“Or coffee from ya regular cafe.”

Deliberating it for a second, lips tugged up. “Coffee Crisp.”

He snorted. “A candy bar? Really?”

“Or Ketchup chips. Haven’t seen them in London yet.”

“That’s fucking disgusting.”

And then the silence returns but it makes Matthew shuffle in his spot. He blurted out, “Go — more brit insight.”

Y/N felt a bit hazy from the secondhand smoke. “More? You’ll get bored.”

“I won’t,” Matthew replied quickly, sounding oddly sincere. “Please, just… go on. Tell me everything.”

“Um… a friend of mine says crikey a lot. I think it just means to be mildly surprised? — They don’t say bloody or blimey as much as you’d think… Oh! Tea — they really drink that much tea. Also —”

Continuing, Matthew shut off again, going completely silent — not once speaking up or adding funny commentary; only staring at her, simply watching.

“Okay,” she turned to take the joint from his hand, “You're freaking me out. Spill, what's up?”

“S’nuthing.”

Whack!

“Jeez! Would ya stop wiv that! Gonna kill me…”

“Spill.”

“Fine! It’s just that…'' Matthew shifted, obscuring his face. Maybe if she didn’t feel so fuzzy, or if there wasn’t the smoke coming from the blunt or her small headache forming, she would’ve picked up on all the little signs. “It’s just —” he sighed, “I wanna hear ya talk — commit it to memory.”

“Obsessed with me? Not new.”

But that seemed to trouble him more. “It’s just… I don’t know if or when I’ll hear it again…” He looks up to the city in front. “Ya my… best friend. Could never forget ‘bout ya, but s’hard — keepin’ in touch.”

She pats him, encouraging and smiling. Her voice was hopeful, so much so that it made Matthew’s lip quirk up. “We’ll find each other. Always.” She said simply. “You and me, we’re like… salt and pepper. Soap and water — Hansel and Gretel!”

“Fuckin’ Dr. Seuss,” he smiled, that worried look fading away.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

The warm summer breeze flowed around them, just as the sun peeked above the airport. Expanse, clear skies with blue mingled with deep purples and pinks shimmered against the metal from the building.

“Gonna miss ya,” Matthew muttered into the crown of her head. Her mother didn’t want him to come, but Y/N simply ignored that request as he came to send her off.

“Don’t get mushy on me now,” she joked but felt her throat become tight.

“Betta get goin’ — Doc’s lookin’ like she’s ‘bout to butcher me if ya don’t.”

She snickered, pushing Matthew’s shoulder as she picked up her bags, walking backwards while waving. “Write me!”

“Course I will! Until next time!”

“Till next time!”

Once the plane took off, awkwardness swelled among the two women. Not once had her mother said anything to her — not to apologize or see how she was doing — although they never really did talk much. Honestly, she half-expected her to leave her in New York with the Gaplins. Easy to dispose of her.

The next few days Y/N, poorly, attempted to fix her sleeping schedule. It was a miracle that she managed to get up before dinner as her head poked into the master bedroom.

She cleared her throat, feeling herself swaying in place. “Um — hi. I’m making dinner tonight.”

Her mother was dressed in a simple, yet sleek dress. She was bent over, putting on high heels as she looked up.

“The hospital is throwing a party for me — the surgery was a success.”

“That’s amazing! Er — will you be back for dinner though? It’s just that I leave soon and... two parties are better than one.”

She considered her for a long time, eyes mostly distracted by her hair slowly changing to a different colour.

“Sure. But I have to go now.”

“Right, sorry, have fun.”

Thudding down the stairs and the door clicking shut, she followed not too long after. Making her way to the kitchen, she picked up a dusty cooking book, blowing off the dust and cracked it open; flicking through the pages.

Deciding on the seemingly easy noodle dish, she rushed out of the house to the local grocery shop for ingredients. It would be the first time they would be spending any time together. It had to be perfect. But she overestimated that no matter how closely she stuck with the dishes’ instructions, the outcome was a disaster.

The noodles somehow were rock hard. The sauce she made looked grey and was chunky, similar to badly mixed concrete and it tasted horrid. At one point, even the stove exploded into flames as she had to grab her wand and use magic to extinguish the fire.

Potions... She could use a cauldron, use multiple ingredients, make some of the most complicated spells and even had tricks of her own to make the process easier but she couldn’t make a simple dish…

Her face screwed together as she glanced up to the clock; she was going to come home soon as the dinner she made was disastrous. She panicked, cleaning up everything in a rush and decided to order food.

Waiting patiently at the dinner table, her eyes fluttered up to the clock in anticipation. She felt giddy, a surge of excitement rattling throughout her bones at the prospect. Her mother wanted to spend time with her! And she should be home any minute.

But then a minute turned to two, then five, ten, twenty, thirty — then an hour ticked by.

And then another.

Y/N got up, her chair squeaking loudly. Losing all her appetite, she went to her room, sleeping in early.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

August 20th, 1976

Going through the potential NEWT courses she could take was the highlight of her day. The possibilities were endless.

Wanting to take Defence Against the Dark Arts, Transfigurations and most of all, Potions, left her excited for the school year.

But the more she thought about the upcoming school year or potential courses, she was left to contemplate what ther5 future entailed.

Was she ready to give up magic? Something that fundamentally altered her life and moulded her into what she was? Magic was her essence, something she developed and nurtured — but to put her life in danger…

Rethinking that word again: home… Was London her home? Was she willing to leave, move again to be safer? But practicing magic around the world these days for New-Majs was dangerous. Or the potential danger she would put her mother in if she continued with it?

But magic… Maybe home wasn’t necessarily a place — but rather something she carried. In all sense, magic made her heart glow, feel warm, safe and happy — it felt like what home was supposed to feel like. And the idea of being ripped away from it, forcing herself to live a normal, Muggle life…

Magic was home.

So die, but have what she cared and loved most was by her side or live a dull life without magic — ensuring her life would be miserable.

There was a clicking of shoes in the hallway that snapped her out of her thoughts. Her mother came walking by.

Lips smushed shut into a tight line, still annoyed from the other night but was determined to spend some time with one another.

“I was planning to go to Diagon Alley for the first time — to get my textbooks... '' She stood awkwardly. “Do you want to come with me?”

“I can’t,” she replied, so quickly that it had Y/N almost scoff in disbelief. “Work. But have fun.”

She sighed but still waved her off and said a small, ‘I love you, stay safe.’ Her mother only gave her a look, something unreadable and left without a word. With a heavy heart, she grabbed her purse filled with gold and left for Diagon Alley.

Passing through the Leaky Cauldron was an adventure in itself. The shabby, tiny pub was jammed with wizards and witches zipping by.

Diagon Alley was bustling with so much magic she could feel it pumping through her blood. Students were hypnotized by the shiny new Firebolt on display; others were giggling, running around with shopping bags while older witches and wizards took a scroll. Her head turned in every direction; walking into the Apothecary, a potions ingredients and book shop.

Emmeline was there. She gave a tight-lipped smile which she returned.

Emmeline by every definition was nice, extremely kind and neither girl ever had a problem with the other. James was the problem and Y/N would gladly stay out of their feud.

Passing clamouring students, she managed to get all her supplies but stopped in front of the potion ingredients. She took a few minutes, flicking through the Advance Potions textbook and grabbed everything listed needed for most of the potions.

She made her way around Diagon Alley, going through many shops. The shelves were stacked high to the ceiling with books and materials. She spent more time than necessary there but it was beautiful.

As she was paying for her Herbology textbook, a large boom! rumbled the ground. Y/N took her bags, ready to sprint to the Leaky Cauldron but the shouts caught everyone’s attention.

“WE WILL NOT BURN WITH THEM!” A crowd of witches and wizards shouted. Their wands were transformed into microphones as a few shot fireballs up in the air.

“What’s happening?” A woman asked an old wizard. He only shook his head, grabbing a copy of the Daily Prophet, handing it to the witch.

On the front page, there were moving photos of people protesting, similar to the wizards and witches currently shouting.

‘Protests Break out in Light of Muggleborns and Halfbloods Burned Alive

Voldemort and his followers have been attacking Muggleborn and ‘blood traitor' families with the usage of fire. By burning them alive, or their houses. They bonded the witch or wizard with magic, making it impossible to apparate or leave their houses. Their broken wands were found at the scene.

Since then, protests all around Britain and Scotland have broken out. The Ministry of Magic —’

“WE WILL NOT BURN WITH THEM!” The crowd chanted.

Rage filled every inch of her body as she stomped out of Diagon Alley.

If she wanted to stay in the magical world, she had to be the greatest at whatever she did, because if she wasn’t, someone of her status was never going to get anywhere.

Magic was home, and she wasn’t going to let them take it from her. She didn’t want to surrender. They weren’t going to take that away from her.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

Immediately after Diagonal Alley, she began working; taking in her thoughts from earlier to heart.

Making sure to cover any windows from prying eyes, Y/N fiddle with first with new charms. Still unassured by her abilities in Charms, she considered taking another class before realizing all the different routes it led to. To become a Healer, Auror or Potioneer, she needed Charms.

Multiple charms backfired, causing them to ricochet off the walls, leaving a dent or chipping the wallpaper.

After trying out more than half the Charms in the book, there was one spell in particular that she attempted to cast many times, but without fail, was never able to properly cast it. Frustrated, her hand made a sharp flick and the spell spurted out instantly.

She tried again with the same hand gesture. To her astonishment, the charm produced easily. Quickly, she jotted down the note in her book.

Next, she glossed over her Transfigurations and Defense Against the Dark Arts book until her eyes caught onto the word: werewolf.

She learned briefly about werewolves, but that was in third year. And now that she knew a werewolf, it would be good to rehash it.

A werewolf, also known as a Lycanthrope, is a non-magical or magical being who transforms under the rising of the full moon. However, non-magical beings have a greater risk of dying rather than turning.

As the name suggests, werewolves are closely related to the non-magical animal, wolves. However, they have distinct characteristics that make them easily identifiable from wolves.

She flipped the page.

Wolfsbane flowers are poisonous to the non-magical world but it has been proven to have no effects on werewolves like they do on wolves. Werewolves are immune from the poison they emit and there are reports that Wolfsbane flowers help alleviate symptoms.

She underlined that section.

It’s a uniquely magical illness known to spread by saliva and blood. Werewolves are dangerous, blood-thirsty beasts — she flipped the page.

They cannot choose to transform and will no longer retain their human mind. Given the opportunity, they would slaughter their loved ones — flipped the page.

A mixture of powdered silver and dittany applied to bites help seal bite wounds. It’s also commonly put in liquid and digested in anticipation of full moons to help with the symptoms of transforming.

Y/N’s face scrunched as she continued to read.

There is no known cure Potion used to help treat lycanthropy.

She felt oddly intrusive knowing parts about Remus’ condition. But then questions arose. How were there no Potions of any kind there to help werewolves during their transformation?

Pushing the thought away, she turned to the cauldron, picking a potion to brew. They all were fairly easy, some she’d even done before just by playing around. But one potion that grabbed her attention was Draught of Living Death. Even at Ilvermorny, that potion was notoriously difficult.

Starting up the cauldron, she grabbed hold of the sopophorous bean. However, it kept jumping when she tried to cut it. She quickly resorted to another method, running down to her kitchen and grabbing the handheld garlic press, placing the bean inside, squishing it down as so much juice spurted out, even going all over her clothing.

The potion turned into the light lilac like suggested. But then as she stirred, her potion quickly became ruined as she restarted immediately.

Hours ticked by; several items in her room were Transfigured into cauldrons, as she poured the existing solution into the nine other cauldrons as she conducted her experiment.

Stirring counterclockwise was a sham, so she stirred clockwise. Nothing, the potion went bad. The next cauldron, she stirred counterclockwise and then clockwise, alternating between every stir. It showed promising progress before it turned a bright red after the seventh stir, bubbling over.

The next cauldron, she stirred counterclockwise, then clockwise after the seventh stir as the potion turned a pink pale. That’s what the book said would happen. She quickly cleared the rest of the cauldrons, pouring in the pink liquid just in case.

She continued to stir until it became a clear liquid. Surely, that was good enough but she could never be sure. After all, she didn’t know if this was what it was supposed to look like.

Deeply immersed, she hadn’t realized how late it got.

She laid on her bed, her light on as she read the scribbles on the margins of the books she'd penned. The textbook was outdated and everything she’s written down, there were easier ways to perform spells, create Potions and more. The other books must’ve been outdated too.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

August 22nd, 1976

Today, her attention was drawn to her Herbology textbook as she flipped right to the medicine section. Y/N had sneakily stolen a few of her mother’s medical journals as she scribbled down notes.

She flicked through the diagrams. Wizards and No-Majs were different when it came to their bodies and sickness, she knew that, but their anatomy was still the same.

An opera played in the background as she sat in front of the television. It filled the silence as her mother came from behind her, creeping her way closer to the door.

Y/N called out from where she sat. “Care to join me?”

“Can't, work.” She grunted out.

She placed the pen down, full attention drawn to her. “I only have a few days until school starts… you can’t spend some time?”

Her mom wasn’t looking at her, ostensibly staring at the floor, anywhere other than her face.

“It’s not that interesting, but um - I need help with medical terms and illnesses. You’re the best at that!”

“I can’t,” she said roughly. “Can't you see? You have to stop bothering me when I’m busy.” And then she left again, leaving her alone. Y/N would’ve been more bothered had she not been so focused on her studies.

There was a pattern.

In the Herbology textbook, in the werewolf section, there were a few ingredients used to help alleviate symptoms of Lycanthropy.

Dittany, Powered silver, Powdered Moonstone, Aconite…

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

August 26th, 1976

“Do you want to —” “Work.”

“But you always have work… can’t you take some time off?”

“You know it’s important to me. Why do you keep trying to limit that?”

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

August 29th, 1976

She was partially through her Potions and Charms textbook. It was all she could fixate on.

Deciding to take a break, Y/N went to stretch, getting up to talk to her mom who again, was getting ready to leave. She opened the honey-coloured wood draw close to the door. She pulled out a set of keys, fixing her appearance in a nearby mirror.

She had already opened the door.

“Hey mom, I was thinking of getting lunch… Will you be back soon?”

But, there was faint muffling outside the door.

“Ready for our date?”

Y/N, desperate, seized hold of her wrist, pleading. “Please, I leave in a day.”

“I'll make it up to you,” mom replied, “I promise.” And then, the door clicked shut.

Again.

She stared at the door, trying to regulate what she was thinking.

What made them worthy of her time when their’s were limited.

Robotically, Y/N turned to walk to her room, her hip bumped into the drawer which hadn’t been fully closed. Her eyes flew to it, about to push it in as she caught a flash of white.

Yanking it open, she swore her heart could’ve shattered. White envelopes filled the draw; her familiar handwriting scribbled on top of each letter. She picked one up, twisting it over to the flap.

It was unopened.

She picked up another. Unopened.

Then another. Unopened.

Unopened.

All of them were unopened, sealed. Hardly tampered with and there was hardly a wrinkle.

Was there something wrong with her? Something so disgraceful that made her so disgusting that people kept forgetting - pushing her away? Like an insidious disease.

Was she truly that unloveable? That much of a nuisance? What made someone else so much more important than her?

It was too much to process but if she had to describe the feeling, it was like drowning on dry land.

Whatever home was, it shouldn’t feel like this: cold, lonely, sad.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

【 Next Chapter 】

Slang dictionary (+ a bit of history bc i didn’t realize how many ppl didn’t actually understand what I was talking about in other chaps):

Coffee Crisp = a very popular chocolate bar sold in Canada. It was a variation of a treat made by a company from the UK. It was briefly introduced to the UK in the 60s but was pulled back because people thought it was too similar to Kit Kat. From what I know, Coffee Crisp is not commonly found in England (I've never seen it in stores) but it’s sold in Scotland.

Candy bar = US term for chocolate bar / chocolate

Grass = during the 60s - 70s, the term 'grass' was very popular slang for weed in New York bc it featured in vogue.

And yes, the British do drink that much tea.

© gotkindabored 2021. Do not repost or modify

[chdarling-tle]

Hey!! Since tomorrow is James birthday, could you post a little snippet???🥺🥺🥺. No pressure at all, it’s just that am really excited!!!!

Ahaha, well I was originally planning to post the TLE2 trailer for James’s birthday, but once again my impatience got the best of me. And I can’t possibly let my dearest darlingest James’s birthday go uncelebrated so…here, have some early TLE2 Jily. >:)

This scene is definitely spoilery (although all pretty minor in the scheme of things), so if you don’t want spoilers do not click the handy dandy “keep reading” button below.

Excerpt from The Last Enemy: Dark Marks (Coming this June!)

She was halfway through chapter one when a familiar voice pierced through the clamor of the pub.

“Dunne, you can’t do this to me. You can’t do this to Gryffindor!”

Lily looked up from her book to see James Potter a few steps from the bar, locked in an impassioned argument with Burdacke Dunne, the fifth year Beater on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

“What do you want me to do?” complained Dunne. “My mother said I have to drop Quidditch this year to focus on my O.W.L.s. I don’t have a choice, mate.”

“Yeah, you do! You can choose to ignore her and play the match anyway.”

“You don’t know my mother. She’s…scary!”

“Dunne,” said James, clasping his hands together as if in prayer, “it’s two weeks until the first match. How am I supposed to find and train up another Beater in that time? McFarlan doesn’t know a Bludger from a broomstick right now. I was counting on you. Gryffindor was counting on you!”

“I’m sorry Potter. I don’t have a choice.” And Dunne pushed past him and disappeared into the crowd.

James collapsed at the bar with a groan. He was blocked from Lily’s view by the bearded warlock finishing his cherry fizz beside her, but she saw Madam Rosmerta bustle over and heard James say miserably: “Four butterbeers and a dram of firewhiskey, please.”

“Try again,” was Rosmerta’s dry retort.

“You’re right,” sighed James. “Make it a brandy.”

“Four butterbeers, coming right up.” There was a tinkle of glass as Rosmerta collected the tankards from behind the counter.

“Aw, c’mon, Rosie. Just this once? I’m drinking away my woes.”

Butterbeer gurgled from the tap.

“Girl trouble?” asked Rosmerta.

“Even worse,” said James. “Quidditch.”

“Well, getting drunk won’t make you fly better.”

“I fly perfectly fine, thank you very much. It’s my Beater who’s just abandoned us.”

“And in a year,” said Rosmerta above the clink of tankards being placed on a tray, “when you are of age, I will mourn with you in the appropriate fashion over a bottle of Ogden’s Old. Until then, enjoy your butterbeer, sweetheart.” And she strolled away across the bar.

“I’ll be seventeen in five months!” James called after her, and Lily could hear his grin.

The warlock beside her slurped up the last of his drink, set his glass down on the bar along with a smattering of Sickles, and shuffled away, just as James was collecting his tray of butterbeer. Lily looked quickly back to her book so as not to catch his eye, but no luck. He had spotted her.

There followed a brief pause as James seemed to debate how to proceed. Then he said: “Did you really come all the way to Hogsmeade to sit alone at a pub and read a book?”

“Maybe,” said Lily, lowering her book and giving him a single, haughty glance before turning to quickly survey the pub for Harvey.

“Always with the book sniffing,” said James with an easy grin. “How does that one smell?”

Lily narrowed her eyes. “Like roses.”

“You know, some people believe that the intimate relations between a girl and her literature should be kept to the bedroom. This is a family-friendly establishment, after all. There are third years here.”

“Oh, sod off.”

But James did not sod off. Instead, he moved over to the vacated spot beside her, leaning an elbow onto the bar as he observed her in that infuriating way he had that always made her cheeks grow hot. “So what’s it about? Must be good if you’ve decided to swear off human company for its deliciously-scented pages.”

Lily shoved the book out of sight. “For your information, I’m meeting someone. He’s just running late.”

“Ah,” said James, leaning back slightly. “Who’s the lucky bloke?”

Lily considered him for a moment, then shrugged. “Harvey Harris.”

“No kidding,” said James, looking faintly surprised. “Huh.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Your face is saying something.”

“No, it’s not. My face is as mute as a mime.” Then: “Just never thought he was your type.”

“What do you know about my type?” demanded Lily, feeling unreasonably nettled.

“Nothing, clearly.”

“Harvey is really nice.” She didn’t like the defensive tone in her voice, but there it was, lingering and wagging a finger at him.

“Absolutely,” agreed James. “No arguments here. You look up ‘nice’ in the dictionary, you find a picture of Harris. He’s like a big, friendly golden retriever.”

Lily wanted to refute this but found she couldn’t quite. It was an annoyingly apt description. Instead, she heard herself say rather stupidly: “Some people like golden retrievers.”

“What’s not to like?”

“Well, what about you? Who’s your hot date today?”

James smirked. “I’ll have you know, I’m here with the most attractive, desired person in this school.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “I’m sure. Who’s that supposed to be?”

James pointed across the pub, where Sirius Black was seated along with the rest of their gang. Sirius, catching his eye, threw up his arms impatiently as if to say, Where’s my butterbeer, you prick? James blew him a kiss.

Lily almost laughed, but she bit it back just in time. “Well, I can’t say I envy you.”

“You might not, but every other girl in school does. Feeds my ego.”

“Yeah, because your ego is starving.”

“Anyway, enjoy your date with Harris. If you get bored, I hear the hill by the Shrieking Shack is great for playing fetch.”

For some reason, it was this comment that made Lily’s temper flare. “I thought you said you were going to leave me alone. You’ve been doing such a good job, don’t spoil it now.”

James’s lighthearted expression stiffened ever so slightly at this. Before he could respond, however, a voice cleared its throat above them. Both Lily and James looked up. Harvey had arrived.

“Potter,” said Harvey, his tone hovering somewhere between aggressive and uncertain.

James nodded at Lily. “That’s my cue.”

[violet-knox]

The Family Secret

Chapter 1: Spinner’s End

Pairing: Young!Snape x Reader

Summary: Excited for your summer break, you make plans with Severus to visit him at Spinner’s End. Nervous about your visit, Severus does everything he can to make your stay delightful, but nothing goes as planned when his father comes home early from work. 

Word count: 6951

Warnings: Implied child abuse (not explicit) 

A/N: It’s been such a long journey finishing this story up. Things did not go as planned when I signed up and there were times I didn’t think I’d manage to finish it. But here we are, and I’m so happy I pushed through.

This story has 5 chapters and since I didn’t plan anything for Sev’s birthday, I thought I’d make it up by posting the first (and longest) chapter today. The next chapter will be posted on Wednesday the 13th and after that, I’ll be posting one chapter every Saturday in January, the final chapter posted on the 30th. It was a pleasure to participate in the @snapebang​ and I hope everyone enjoys it!

He could still remember the first time he’d told you about his home on Spinner’s End. You’d only been dating two weeks and he had no obligation to tell you anything about his life, but he just couldn’t help himself. He’d been hoping for so many years to find someone like you, someone he could care for that would return the gesture. Someone he could love, trust and he did. He’d found you and there was no one else in this world he would ever trust more than you. Perhaps that was why he told you where he lived after you said you lived in Cokeworth as well, knowing the reputation Spinner’s End had built for itself. Lily had never cared for his family’s financial status, but her sister had, as did the majority of those he’d meet. He was afraid you’d react the same way, that once again his parents would ruin yet another good thing in his life, but you didn’t. You didn’t even hesitate to smile. But if you’d told him back then what you’d asked of him now, he would have questioned your knowledge on the reputation Spinner’s End carried and reconsidered telling you about his upbringing. 

Filthy, poor, loathsome, shameful, pathetic; those were the words he and many others would have used to describe his home, yet you seemed completely oblivious to those characteristics. You didn’t care about how small he claimed it to be. You brushed away his own distaste for the place and his offer to take you somewhere else. You simply asked again: Can I come over this summer? 

The answer was much simpler than he’d made it out to be in his mind: Yes, but you shouldn’t. Yet he could only imagine the hurt in your eyes if he’d responded that way. He knew you’d understand if he explained, but you’d already tolerate so much of his own burdens. Who was he to ask you to carry anymore? In all honesty, he was surprised you’d stuck around this long after everything you’d seen at school. The way he was treated by others; like a filthy raccoon who wouldn’t stop trespassing on their property. You should have run for the hills the second you got a glimpse of who he was, but you didn’t. You stayed by his side and yet, despite everything you’d been through, he still questioned your loyalty. It was as if the moment you understood where he came from, the moment you’d seen his home, who his father was, you’d abandon him like everyone else before you. 

It seemed however, that no matter what he’d say, no matter how hard he’d try, you’d always find your way back to him to put his heart back together. He loved your loyalty to him, your compassion for him. He loved everything about you and only a fool would shun the insurance you offered him of your expectations for Spinner’s End. 

“Severus, if you don’t want me here, I understand,” you said as you followed his lead down the street of Spinner’s End. Reservation still lingered in his chest and judging by your tone of voice, you were certainly aware of it. He was nervous more than anything. Yes, his father was away for the weekend and his mother never bothered to care for his presence anyways, but he still couldn’t help the dread in the back of his mind. Bringing you home was a risk, one that could end your relationship if you hadn’t been sincere about your views of his family. 

“N-no! I do, it’s just-” He paused and squeezed your hand as he looked away. “My house- where I live… It’s not what you imagine and my parents- they aren’t exactly the best of people.”

You’d seen him distressed before, the sorrow in his eyes when Lily cut ties with him, the anguish he went through when James and Sirius continued their harassments at school after the Whomping Willow incident. But you’d never seen such disappear written on his face before, as if he was preparing to lose something he held dear. You’d never meant to cause such emotions when you’d asked to come over for a few hours, but if you’d known the stress he felt now, you would have buried the thought deep in your mind, never to see the light of day and save him the hurt he felt bubbling inside him now. 

The way he tightened his hold on you made you feel all the more guilty. This was supposed to be a pleasant evening and Severus was acting as though you held a gun to his head. But you knew that once you’d entered his house and shown him you couldn’t care less about his living situation the mood would lighten. 

“You know I don’t care for that. Your home and your parents will never change how I feel about you,” you said, pulling his arm closer to your chest. Your words had the exact effect you’d intended as you felt the tension in his muscles release. His shoulders dropped slightly, but his hand tightened its hold on yours. 

Turning his head, Severus looked into your eyes and felt the assurance you offered seep into his recurring horrendous thoughts of abandonment. He always felt so safe with you, assured of the exclusion of the terrors the world offered when he was around you. As much as he hated to admit it, you were his rock, he couldn’t live without you and that was precisely why he feared your visit to his house. Why would he risk losing someone as important as you? And for what? A glimpse into his sad childhood on Spinner’s End? 

Nothing was worth losing you and if protecting his relationship with you meant you’d never meet his parents or step foot on Spinner’s End then so be it. He could live with hiding his past. He could learn to move on, he wanted nothing more than to move on, but he knew he’d never be able to find anyone as thoughtful or as loving as you.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” you offered, watching him hesitate to climb up the first step of stairs leading to the front door. “We can turn around and head to a park or something.”

You couldn’t stand how uncomfortable he looked. You didn’t want to see him like this, your heart aching as his hands shook, stuffing them into his pocket, clumsily searching for his keys. He was like a delicate, expanding bubble, ready to pop at any moment, exploding into a mess of emotions and you couldn’t bear seeing him in such a state.

“No,” he said softly, retrieving his keys from his pocket. “We can stay.”

Stretching out his hand, offering it to you, he took another step towards the door, watching you slide your fingers against his palm, gripping him tightly as you stepped forward as well. As much as he would have liked to take you up on your offer, he knew he couldn’t back out now because he knew exactly why you wanted to come over in the first place. Curiosity was a trait you’d never tried to hide and one that made itself more apparent the closer you got as a couple. You wanted to know everything about him because it made you feel closer. You wanted to trust him, to know him better than anyone else ever had. He could see your hurt when he told you about Lily, how much he’d wanted to share everything with her, how he thought she understood him, so he knew you’d want nothing more than to gain his trust enough to share everything with you.

Slowly, he put the key into its lock and turned it, opening the door to his childhood, his summer prison. Everything he hated about himself was all stored under one roof, all about to be exposed to you. There were no words to describe the hatred he felt for this place, Lily being the only reason he had to look forward to returning every summer but as she broke off their friendship, his willingness to withstand this house sizzled away, leaving him with nothing but animosity. And then he met you. You were his new light, a clean breath of air amongst the smoky darkness surrounding him. You were his new reason for withstanding Cokeworth and Spinner’s End. Withstanding another summer under this roof was only made bearable by the thought of you existing within the same vicinity. 

The smile you wore on your face as you followed him, stepping within the threshold of his less than desirable home eased him a little and he wondered if you’d intended to appear happy simply because you knew how much it soothed him. You were always canny like that, catching onto his likes and desires faster than he was willing to admit, but it didn’t bother him. He was grateful for it and only wished he could return the favour. 

“It’s nice,” you said to him as he closed the door behind you. Any expectations Severus had given you were shot the moment you stepped inside, the walls bare, a singular couch and armchair squeezed into the shoe box sized sitting room. The couch was old, probably as old as the house judging by the chipped drywall and the worn-out floors. It faced the ashy fireplace which seemed to endure the same negligence Severus had said he’d felt over the years. The armchair’s cushion dipped in the middle as if an invisible being was sitting on it, the arms themselves scuffed from the ends. The only decor you could find was a singular picture frame of a couple you could only assume were his parents that looked as though it had been gathering dust for a while. 

“You’re not being truthful,” he replied bluntly as he let go of your hand. He took a look around the room and sighed. No matter how much he tried, there was no way he could have made the place presentable for you, but at least he’d managed to clean the floors of any broken shards of glass or stains left behind by whatever it was his father had decided to leave around the armchair. 

“The way you were describing it, Severus, I would have thought you lived in a dustcart.” You turned to face him instead of the room, placing your hands over his arms to get his attention. His hair was already over his face, his insecurities spilling out of him and you’d barely been here ten seconds. The house was quiet at least and you knew if you just sat down a while, he would get used to the idea of sharing his space with you. 

Severus’ gaze seemed to be fixed on the scenery behind you, so you slowly moved your hands up his arms and onto his shoulder, one reaching up to gently hook under his chin, encouraging him to break free of whatever horrible trance he was under. Your eyes finally met yet he still wouldn’t let go of the fear buried deep in his chest. 

“Sev, I love you,” you spoke softly, entwining your fingers in his hair, taking a step closer to him. Severus leaned into you, your touch a comfort he could find nowhere else. The tension in his shoulders started to ease until he realized he’d forgotten to thoroughly wash his hair today. His hand jerked up to remove yours from the shameful oily mess on his head, kicking himself for forgetting something so trivial. Already this day was going downhill, and he could only imagine the treachery that would follow. 

“Can we sit down?” You asked when you felt his hand on your wrist, pulling you away. You could tell he was still so uncomfortable and a part of you had begun to wonder if it was really his home he was ashamed of or if it was you. 

Severus, unaware of your own worries, slowly nodded his head, turning towards the couch, inviting you to sit beside him. His actions were almost robotic; one foot after the other, his legs bending enough to sit in his seat. He wasn’t sure what to do next, or rather, he wasn’t sure if you were disgusted by what you saw and were just too kind to say anything. He wouldn’t blame you if the next thing you did was ask to leave. In fact, he’d sort of expected it to happen at some point, he just had no idea when you’d ask. 

“Severus?” Your voice seemed so distant, like you weren’t actually here and for once, he hoped that was true. Your scent however, the glimpse of your face in the corner of his eyes told him otherwise. “Sev, if you’re worried about me don’t be. I’m fine with your home, I really am.”

Severus looked down to find your hand on his knee, your thumb slowly rubbing circles into his trousers as a way of comforting him. His lips gently twitched into the subtlest of smiles, his hand overlapping yours as he looked at you with softened eyes. He nodded his head in understanding and found himself silently thanking you and everything you were. Your presence, your joy, your mere existence was all a gift he was lucky to have received. 

“I-I can make tea,” he offered, hoping it would ease the tension around you both. You nodded your head and he got up from his spot, asking you to stay where you were, Merlin forbid you see another inch of this disgraceful prison. 

Severus creaked open the door that led to the rest of the house enough for him to slip through, quickly closing it after he stepped inside so you wouldn’t see your vision wouldn’t be tainted with any more of his embarassing life. He hastily made his way to the kitchen where he found his mother sitting near the window reading yesterday’s paper, likely stolen from the neighbour’s bin as she smoked what he guessed was her third cigarette today judging by the time. 

Opening the cupboards, he found the old rustic kettle and filled it up with water before digging for the matches and lighting the flame on the stove. He left the kettle there as he went back to find two clean cups. He’d opened all the cupboards in the kitchen before looking around countertops. He found two mugs, both dirty on the kitchen table, but one was chipped to the extent he was sure you’d noticed, so he cleaned the acceptable one and continued his search. Waving his wand, he watched the ditry mug levitate to the sink where it began cleaning itself. Looking back around the kitchen he found another mug on the countertop of the window, used as an ashtray. 

“Mum, can I use that mug?” He asked her, hoping she was in a well enough mood to simply wave him her approval. He watched with anticipation as she took another puff of her cigarette, acting as if he wasn’t even there. This was rather usual for her, but unfortunately for him, it meant she wasn’t in the mood to be disturbed.  

“Why?” She asked, keeping her eyes on her paper as she blindly tapped the end of her cigarette into her makeshift ashtray.

“I-I have a friend over and I wanted to make tea.” He paused and watched her eyes move from one side of the page to the other. “I’d asked you yesterday if it was alright for her to come over and you said it was.”

Sometimes he wondered if she cared more about her smoke breaks than she did him because it was moments like this where she’d pay more attention to those sticks of tobacco than she would her own son that had him questioning her priorities. The cigarette hung from her lips as she turned the page, staring at him like he’d said something damning. 

“A friend? Didn’t that Evans girl stop speaking with you last year? And why on earth would you want to bring her here of all places?” She suddenly seemed very interested in his evening plans when he’d explained to her multiple times over the last few days he was planning to have you over. But why would he ever expect her to listen when she’d done nothing of the sort the last 17 years. He in fact, could hardly remember a time where she’d managed to hold even half a conversation with him.

“Why do you care?” He snapped back at her. Frustration rose to his mind, his face turning red with anger. She had no right to question his personal life. She had no right to speak to him like he wasn’t worthy of speaking to other human beings. 

His expression hardened when he locked eyes with her, watching her take another drag of her cigarette as her lips stretched into an ugly frown. Tossing her newspaper in the direction of the bin, each page flying around, landing all over the floor, she put out her cigarette in the mug before pushing it with her index finger so it fell off the windowsill. 

“Clean that up,” she commanded lazily, easing off from where she sat and dragged her feet along the floor to the door. “And I suggest you see your friend out before your father gets home.”

He didn’t take his eyes off her until she was completely out of sight, heading up the stairs, the house whining in agony with every step she took. Storming to the door, he closed it roughly, immediately regretting it when he remembered you were in the sitting room waiting for him. It was then he’d realized the kettle had been whistling, steaming angrily before he removed it from the stove and turned it off. He looked to his side where the broken pieces of the mug mixed with the ashes of his mother's cigarette. With a sigh, he took out his wand and wove it over the area, trying to focus on the task at hand, putting aside his feelings towards his parents. 

He’d been so used to locking himself in his room or storming out of the house, returning when it was pitch black after interactions like that, but he couldn’t do that this time and it threw him off. He had to get back to you, get back to the safety of your bubble. At least with you, he could stand to be in this house, he could bear the backlash of his mother and the miserable life he led here. 

The mug put itself back together and he picked it up to examine it. He’d gotten rather good with this spell after he’d begun taking every broken dish, jar or whatever else his parents felt like breaking that day back to Hogwarts and fixing it the second he was allowed to do magic again. Turning seventeen was one of the best gifts he’d ever been given. No more restrictions, no more rules. He was able to do magic freely now and it had saved him more than once this summer, apparting away if they ever got too loud, cleaning his room faster than he’d ever previously managed. It kept him connected to his real home, even if he was miles away. 

Placing the mug in the sink, he washed and dried it, stopping the spell he’d previously cast and set aside the dishes for now. He walked over instead to the mess his mother had made and wove his wand over it to vanish the ash and newspaper. Finally, he made earl grey tea and even managed to find some biscuits to go along with it. His smile slowly began to return as he made his way back to you, opening the door with one hand as he carried the tray of treats in the other. Placing it on the coffee table in front of the couch, he took his seat next to you.

“Sorry, we don’t have any cream but there’s sugar if you like,” he said, gesturing to the small jar next to the cups. Your lips twitched into a smile as you watched him pick up the jar and unscrew its lid. He put two teaspoons of sugar into his tea before looking over his shoulder to see if you wanted any. 

“One is fine. Thank you Sev,” you motioned to him. He gave both cups a quick swirl before picking them up and handing yours to you. He sat back on the couch and looked down at the liquid swirling in circles, the awkwardness settling back into place before you spoke, thoughts of the consequences he feared to face for bringing you here returning to him.

“Is everything alright Sev? I heard something breaking while you were in there,” you said, nodding your head towards the door he’d just emerged from. You didn’t want to push or make assumptions, but Severus had told you his father was at work, which meant the footsteps you heard heading up the stairs not long before he returned to you were his mother’s. He’d barely ever spoken to you about her, but you knew he wasn’t too fond of either of his parents. You were never one to pry on someone else's personal life, but with Severus it was different. You cared so deeply for him, you wanted to know everything, the good and the bad. But common dignity stopped you from asking him before about his family, hoping if you were patient, he would eventually trust you enough to share everything without you having to ask. 

“It was nothing, I just dropped one of the mugs, but I managed to put it back together,” he lied, looking away to take a sip of his tea. He kept his eyes on his cup as he lowered it, his hair defensively falling into position over his face. You noticed his gaze dropping and knew there was more to what he was telling you. Your shoulders fell in disappointment as you realized today was not the day he’d open up to you. But you had to look on the bright side, he trusted you enough to bring you to his home and you’ve been here a full ten minutes without him trying to push you out.

“So, will I get a tour later?” You smirked as you took a sip of your own tea. “Will I get to see your room?”

“Why do you want to see my room?” He asked, confused at your odd request. Your smirk didn’t help matters either. He was now unsure of how serious your question was. 

Sliding closer to him, you bit your bottom lip, unable to suppress your growing smile. It was absolutely adorable when he wouldn’t understand some of your hints. The way his brows would furrow, his eyes shifting like a lost puppy unable to comprehend where he was. “Well, wouldn’t you want to see my room if you came over?”

You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle when you saw his eyes light up with understanding, a sly smirk of his own appearing on his lips, his cheeks tinting a light shade of pink. “I suppose. But my room isn’t really anything worth seeing. It’s small and cramped. I keep everything worth keeping in my trunk. Honestly, the dorms back at Hogwarts are more appealing.” 

“I don’t care how it looks,” you said, placing a hand on his knee in comfort. What you would give to see him just a little more proud of himself, just a bit more confident. Sometimes you wondered if all that affinity shared between you meant anything to him or if he even realized how much you’d been there for him, how you’d always be there for him. But in the end, your crazy thoughts of his negligence towards you was always just that; absolutely nonsense. “I only care that it’s yours.”

“Alright,” he reluctantly agreed. It was odd speaking to you about something he’d always been so insecure about, yet the feeling of worry over whether or not you would leave him after what you saw was beginning to dwindle away. Even with his mum unable to spare him a shred of decency, the evening had felt as though it was going fairly well thus far. At least you seemed to be enjoying the biscuits enough to eat a second even though they turned out to be stale. Still, you managed to find a way to turn the situation around, dipping them into your tea. You’d even finished your tea before him despite his vitality to speak as little as possible. He would much rather listen to you talk about how your summer had gone so far and all the plans you had for your last year at Hogwarts than speak of his home and life on Spinner’s End.

Life could never cut him a break and just when he thought he was finally grasping at happiness, Fate had to intervene, ruining any spark of joy ignited within him. Fate was cruel to him today just as she was cruel to him when he’d finally found a home in Hogwarts, introducing him to Potter while taking Lily away from him. Today, Fate had decided to shake up his plans with you and test him instead. The sound of the front door opening dropped his heart down to his stomach. He knew it was over the second his father took a step into the house, to be greeted by his son sitting with a stranger he’d been told nothing about. 

“What is this?” His tone showed resistance as he stared at you and Severus sitting on the couch. He was holding back like he always did when they were out in public. Your presence was taming him, but Severus knew it wouldn’t last long.

“H-hello,” you hesitantly tried to introduce yourself, feeling the tension in the air. You assumed the man who’d stepped inside the house was his father, but judging by the look on the man’s face, he had no idea who you were. Did Severus not tell either of his parents about your visit? Thoughts of disappointment and guilt filled your mind as you stood up, stretching your hand out to him. “I-umm, I’m (Y/N).”

The man squinted at your hand, staring at you in silence. You felt wary of the situation you’d suddenly found yourself in. Your introduction clearly doing you no favours. Awkwardly, you lowered your hand to your side along with your gaze in embarrassment as you sank back down on the couch beside Severus. 

“We were just drinking tea,” Severus finally spoke, trying to explain with as few words as possible why there was a stranger in the house. Looking at him, you questioned why his voice had suddenly lost all its power. It sounded as though he was speaking to a wall, you’d never heard his voice so monotone before and it frightened you. Perhaps he was right, and you shouldn’t have come over. 

Severus watched his father squint at the two empty mugs on the coffee table, evidence that you’d both finished your tea a while ago. Severus could already tell lies was all his father would see. The way his father’s black eyes pierced his, he knew nothing he said now would forgive inviting you over. 

“I see.” Severus felt a slight shiver run up his body from his father's simple words, but he still maintained eye contact with him all the same, hoping he could at least try and brace himself for what came next. He watched the man take a few steps around the couch, speaking one final word as he opened the door to the rest of the house. “Severus.”

His voice commanded obedience from Severus and immediately he knew he was being asked to follow him to the kitchen. Shrugging his shoulders, he let out a small sigh. His hair fell over his face as he closed his eyes, trying not to think about what was to come next. Reluctantly, he stood from his place and motioned to begin following his father through the door when he felt a hand tightly grasp at his, holding him back. 

“Sev, is everything okay?” you whisper to him, your brows furrowed, and your voice muffled with worry. Severus sat back down on the edge of the couch next to you, his gaze still lowered in shame of the interaction you’d just had with his father. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He wasn’t supposed to come home until the evening. 

“Severus!” His mother’s voice echoed through the room, a sign he was in deep trouble. His punishment was always worsened whenever both his parents were there to discipline him and he wasn’t ready to face those consequences tonight. Not tonight of all nights. He couldn’t handle it knowing you'd be in the next room. 

“It’s fine, just- umm, stay here,” he told you quickly before standing up, pulling away from you and marching straight into the kitchen like a soldier ready for battle. You sat there frozen for a moment, the silence around you deafening. Severus looked so upset when he’d left you, wearing the same look he’d have after an interaction with James and his friends. This summer was supposed to be about building your relationship with him, growing closer to each other and enjoying your time together. You never thought you’d see that look on his face in his own home with your company.

“SHUT UP EILEEN! THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU!” The voice of his father roared throughout the house. Your heart stopped at the sudden burst in rage coming from the other side of the door. Your chest rose with panic and fell with worry. Against better judgment, you stood up and slowly walked over towards the commotion, fear of those doors bursting open as you got closer. Your palms pressed against the chipping paint as you listened in on the rest of their conversation.

“This is about your ungrateful son!” The man continued pouring his anger out on those in the other room. “How dare you bring some stranger into my house!”

Your heart ached for Severus. You weren’t a stranger to him and-

“I live here too!” You and Severus were a lot alike in more ways than one, but it seemed in this situation, your thoughts had aligned more than they ever had before. Unfortunately, it seemed his father didn’t care to allow Severus any sense of belonging.

“ON MY DIME!” The man screamed.

Your heart sank as the yelling continued, the more they spoke, the more you were certain Severus was living in a toxic environment, one you’d be forced to leave soon, forced to abandon the one person in this house that seemed to have a kind soul. You had to do something, you couldn’t just stand here. Intervening would be a horrible idea, you or Severus could wind up injured, or worse. No, you couldn’t let yourself be separated from Severus, you couldn’t leave him during a time like this. 

Every bone in your body resisted as you went to cautiously open the door enough to look through to the other side. You saw the light on in another room where all the yelling was emerging from, and quickly took this chance to slip through the door, closing it behind you and making your way up the stairs. You paused halfway up, crouching down in fear of being caught, hoping Severus could free himself of the entrapment his parents had suddenly put him in. 

“You should have quit that ruddy school a long time ago, gotten yourself a job and contributed to this household like I had when I was half your age!”

It seemed the man had no sense of pride, happy to have his son throw away his potential all for his own benefit. Helping him pay the bills instead of watching Severus build a future for himself was apparently the right priorities to him. Severus was a brilliant wizard, and you knew his skills would provide him with many opportunities in the future. You’d always told him that, even before you started dating, you’d never missed out on a chance to let him know how much he inspired you, how you had him to thank for so much of your own success at Hogwarts. It didn’t matter what his father thought so long as Severus knew he wasn’t wrong to focus on his studies, to strive for a better life than his parents, you were happy. 

You hurried up the rest of the stairs, optimistic they would finish their episode of abuse soon and began to look around on the second floor. You found two bedrooms and a bathroom. The first bedroom you would have assumed was the master bedroom as it contained a queen-sized bed, but the bundled up sheets and pillow in the corner had you second guess your assumption. It appeared as though someone had been sleeping on the floor, but when you entered the second bedroom, you knew that person couldn’t have been Severus. This second bedroom had to be his room. His trunk was in here, shoved into the closet, an old desk with one of its legs repaired with what appeared to be a chopped stick of a broom sat opposite of the twin sized bed that filled up most of the room. 

Sitting on his bed, you felt the springs in the mattress snap and you almost jumped up in surprise, but you kept yourself still, worried that any noise you made would bring you unwanted attention from downstairs. Poor Severus was already being scolded for your presence in this house, you didn’t want him blamed for the risky choice you made of sneaking into his room. Down below, you heard the sound of a door shoved open followed by footsteps before the shouting resumed.  

“She’s not there Tobias,” spoke his mother. Just as you’d suspected, they’d gone looking to kick you out of the house. What followed was a sentence you never thought you’d hear, something you felt so offended by, you would have given up your position just to prove them wrong. 

“Another friend abandoning you,” his father scoffed, a bit of spite in his tone as he talked down to Severus. “I could only be so lucky as to have the same privilege.”

Severus didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to believe you’d abandoned him, but he could however believe his parents scaring you away. He wondered how his summer would go now that you knew everything about his life. He tried to picture you receiving his countless letters begging to see you and throwing them in the trash without so much as glimpsing at his words. He tried to imagine how his final year would go without you by his side, celebrating his freedom alone, watching from afar as you went on to find someone else, all because of the horrible way his parents had treated you. 

You’d told him so many times, tried to reassure him so many times you weren’t going anywhere, but deep down he knew they were just words. They meant nothing and in the moment, you couldn’t handle the horrific truth. He didn’t want to believe it, but he didn’t blame you. He didn’t hold it against you for leaving. That luxury was only to be held by his parents. The luxury they’d held over him since the day he was born. Severus bowed his head in shame. He was embarrassed for opening up to you like that. For trusting you and thinking you’d be different. His shame slowly turned his disappointment into rage, tears pricking his eyes, daring to expose his emotions to his parents when he was already so vulnerable. 

Let them punish me. Let them relish in my embarrassment. I deserve it.

“I’m taking you to the mill tomorrow,” his father informed him. “You’re getting a job to pay back all the money I put into you the last 17 years.”

His life was over. He knew it and so did his parents. He was doomed to work for his father for the rest of his life, always in his debate. He wasn't to graduate Hogwarts, he wasn’t to send you any letters, he wasn’t to dream of the great wizard you said he could be. He said nothing in response, the pain he felt in his chest, his face, his ribs, his stomach, his heart all too great to allow him the energy to speak a single word. 

He watched his mother walk back to the kitchen and lift up the chair his father had thrown at him, tucking it into the small kitchen table. One of its legs was broken and he knew if anyone sat on it, it would break. But so long as it appeared put together, so long as it looked fine, he knew they wouldn’t care. His father went and sat down on the chair no one but him was to use and waited for his mother to serve dinner. 

Severus once again found himself completely invisible to them. They’d let out their emotions, lashed out at him and made sure he knew his place, then went back to their lives, pretending like he didn’t exist. He’d only wished they’d done that when you were here. If they didn't acknowledge your presence like they did his own right now, perhaps you’d still be together. Perhaps he wouldn't have to live the rest of his life alone, but such a mercy was too much to ask of course. He was made to be punished, he was born to suffer and that was to be his fate until the day he died. 

Slowly, he walked out of the kitchen, not to make a sound lest he be noticed again. He held his breath with each step he took, exhaling when he reached the second floor. He turned to make his way to his room, twisting the knob, ready to crawl into bed and drown in his tears, but the second he opened the door, about to throw himself onto his mattress, he was met instead with a sight he’d never dreamt of seeing. You were there, waiting for him, waiting to comfort him, your arms warm as you wrapped them around him. His lips trembled as he lost himself in you. He was falling in love with you all over again, the rush of emotions all too great to conceal. 

He’d barely managed to close the door, trapping you both in the cold darkness of his prison before everything he’d kept buried inside for 17 years spilled out silently. He trembled as he let his body lean on yours. His muscles giving out, too tired to continue standing, his mind too beat to stay strong. He couldn’t do it anymore. He was too exhausted.

“Severus,” you whispered into his ear, testing the waters, knowing you couldn’t let yourself be heard. His tears were silent, and you knew you had to oblige to the same rule, but you couldn’t hold back. You couldn’t let him think what you knew his mind would have concluded not moments ago. “I will never leave you.”

His grip tightened when you spoke, reminding him of why he’d opened up to you in the first place, why he’d trusted you. He hugged you with as much strength as he could muster, letting his tears leak from his eyes, soaking your shirt as you stood there frozen in time. He’d lost himself in his mind before feeling your hands move down to his waist, pushing him away just enough to guide him into his bed. The covers were pulled over his body as he nuzzled into yours, feeling its warm embrace comfort him as you held him once more. His tears began to dry as the safety of your presence soothed him, telling him it would be alright. He had nothing to fear, nothing to worry about because he had you and you weren’t going anywhere. 

Adjusting your position, you slid down the bed enough to lay on your side, facing him. His eyes were half open, his breath heavy as you rose your hand, gently cupping his jaw, your thumb slowly swiping his cheek. He relaxed under your touch, your eyes, your smile assuring him he was safe. The darkness welcomed him as he closed his eyes, focussing on your touch, the only sound in the room, his heavy breaths. 

“Sev?” You broke the silence, whispering his name. “I think you should come stay with me awhile.”

You’d been reluctant to offer an escape from this house, but the way he looked, the exhaustion on his face broke your heart. It angered you and you couldn’t let him stay here. You couldn’t let him endure one more second of the abuse in this house. 

His eyes opened and met yours, your chest aching as the light in his eyes faded away. He slowly nodded his head in agreement, fear of what his parents might do to him if he was caught trying to run away bubbling in his mind. He was afraid, yes, but staying here and living the miserable life they’d planned out for him was a much worse fate than anything else he imagined they would do if they caught him. He’d been wanting an out for so long, and here you were offering him just that. 

~

Next Chapter

~

@sleepysnapesnake​ @wanderingtrails @darkthought15​ @bush-viper-cutie​ @fluffymadamina​ @dracos-mudblood​ @mitchiesdungeon​ @severuslovebot​ @ravenhopeflyte54​

[megsbookclub]

How It Should Have Been

Chapter One

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You know, it takes a lifetime to trust someone but only a second for that trust to be broken. Of all the people in the world, Remus Lupin knew this far too well than anyone else. He had spent his early childhood feeling lost, almost like a burden. Every second, of every day his father warned him about the danger out there. He never told him he would be hunted because he was the hunter of course, but he did always remind him of what they would do when they found out, “Torture you - or worse, put you in exile and take away everything you love those selfish pure-bloods.” he would growl. Never in his life did he want to look back and accept that his father had been right, especially not about something like that.

It happened so fast that he hardly remembers that night. It had become a distant memory that he never tried hard to reach. It was all fuzzy, but from what he could remember, it was a normal Saturday as far as days during war goes. Sirius was acting distant, that had become the new normal now. He tried not to care but deep down it hurt his heart. He had been questioned that day about his activities, the ministry even went as far as threatening to put a tracker on him. Luckily his story had checked out. He tried not to dwell on the fact he had been the only one who was asked such questions. Sirius just watched from the kitchen and didn't say a word after his meeting.

“Do you want to go out to eat?” Remus asked. For the first time in a long time, Sirius looked at him, not just with a glare but he really looked at him. He saw his big blue eyes and wondered what he could have possibly done wrong to make him fall out of love.

To his surprise, Sirius blushed, “Why don’t we order the muggle food that you like and then do something else.” He said the last part in a low husky voice and to Remus’ embarrassment, he growled. Sirius only laughed harder and went and sat himself down, while Remus headed to their landline.

Everything seemed perfect that night, they laughed and talked. For the first time, it wasn't about the war but about life. Sirius had told Remus that he saw this beautiful cottage in Brighton when he was flying by with James.

“Brighton?”

“Yeah…I mean it has lovely countryside and it's close to the beach. We could put a protection charm around us so the muggles don’t see. We could also get a big plot and start a farm. Oh!” He jumped up, “You could also spend your full moons running around with me and you wouldn’t have to hide, we would have the whole place to ourselves.”

Remus had no words, he had always been quiet but this time he truly had nothing to say or hide, “You really have thought about this haven't you?”

“Well yeah…” Sirius blushed, I’ve been thinking about the perfect place since this all started. I wanted to find a place which could be safe for us…Safe for you especially.” Again not knowing what to do, he grabbed Sirius by the waist and gave him the biggest kiss ever. It most likely wasn't, but it had been so long since he had felt all these types of true emotions for him he didn't know what else to compare it to.

“Why are you so eager to get away.” Remus laughed.

Sirius blinked a few times as if he was searching for an answer, “I mean, as soon as this bloody war is over I wanted us to already have a place to go.”

“I doubt it will be over soon though.”

“I have a strong feeling it will.” Years later Remus would look back at time moment and wonder how stupid he truly was to not realize what he was saying.

“Are you sure you want to live that far from James?” Remus teased.

“Oh come on, there's always floo and whose to say they also won't want to move after all of this.” A warm feeling filled Remus’ heart that night. He finally had Sirius with him - No, he finally had his Sirius with him.

Before he could give him another kiss, however, spoke filled the fireplace and a loud crack erupted. Sirius as ‘bravely’ as he could hide his face in Remus’ shoulder.

“Ahem.” Spoke a voice calmly, making Sirius emerge his face. They both slowly looked up and saw a smiling Dumbledore standing next to Mad-Eye just in front of the fireplace.

“Professor?”

“May I please have a word with Mr Black. I would hate to take him away from you right now because you are… ‘urgently bussy’.” Sirius got up from Remus’ lap, face as red as a brick and led him into the other room. “Thank you Mr Lupin.”

It still felt very weird having his old teachers refer to him so naturally, for a second he thought he was going to get told off or have detention. He then suddenly remembered that he wasn't the only person in the room. Mad-Eye Moody was still standing in front of him. Sirius had always been afraid of him, especially with his eye. He thought it was the fact that no matter how much someone tried to hide, they never could. Moody would always be watching them. Being polite as always he made Moody a cup of tea.

“How was your meeting?” he asked coldly.

“Alright.”

“What did they ask?”

“Just the normal…Where were you? What were you doing?”

“That's not normal.”

“What-”

“All I'm saying is they don't go other asking other wizards questions like that and you should take a good hard look at yourself and ask yourself why they did that in the first place.”

Oh, he thought.

Dumbledore and Sirius came out of the spare room shortly after that. Sirius had a stone-cold look on his face but Dumbledore looked as cheerful as always. The big goodbye and left almost as if they were never there. Sirius plopped himself back on Remus’s lap and laid still on his chest letting out a sigh.

“Want to tell me what happened?”

“It’s just ministry stuff, nothing to worry about.” Remus knew that the one thing that kept their relationship going was not pushing too much. They were already happy and he found no need to fight or get into silly relationships. It was not Sirius’ fault that he was not asked to do much or had to be kept on watch. All he had to do from that moment on was to support him like he always had. “Please promise me something?” he asked quietly as he yawned.

“Anything.”

“As soon as everything is done, we will go straight to Brighton.”

Remus could tell that that was something that he really wanted. If it meant leaving London and the big city life he had talked about all through his 6th year then it must have meant more than he was truly letting on. “Promise”

…

The next morning Remus woke up on the couch alone, he got up urgently and looked at the time 9:47 am. Sirius was most likely out doing Auror work. Judging by the note telling him he would be home late it most certainly put the cherry on top.

Remus wondered about their small apartment for a long time finding little things to do such as clean and do his daily word puzzle in the muggle news. At noon he tried calling Mary but she didn't answer, she’ll call back, he thought.

By the time it was 3:00 pm, Remus had completely lost all hope about being entertained. The crackling of the fireplace yet again brought him back to life, but this time he was prepared. Out came a limping Mad-Eye Moody but this time he was accompanied by Arthur Weasley. He didn't know much about Mr Weasley only that he was one of the only nice people to come from a full pure blood family.

“What are you still doing over there?” barked Mad-Eye. “Get your furry butt here.” Remus put his paper down instantly and headed straight to them. “We need you to do something for us urgently.” he spat.

“Anything.”

“Do you know welsh?” Asked Arthur, Remus tried to ignore how his voice did not match the rest of his face or body and just nodded his head. “Great, then your just the person.”

“What does knowing welsh has to do with anything.”

Mad-Eye walked up to him and gave him a tiny bag. “Here is everything you are going to need,” he said.

“For what? I'm not going to do what you want me to do unless I actually know what it is you want me to do.”

“ALRIGHT! Last night a lot and I mean a lot of werewolves left Wales, we don't know why or how but it has been reported that some have gone back. We need someone to figure out why they are leaving and why all of them are so soon. You, my dear hybrid friend, are the person to do all of this. You can speak welsh and you just happen to be a werewolf so I think that sums it up.”

Before Remus could answer that question he was pushed into the fireplace and burned to another one. There an old woman told him to grab a cup of tea and being confused as he was, he did, sending himself to Snowdon mountain in wales.

Remus had been excited, to say the least about being asked to go so suddenly going to wales. He knew he would have to apologise to Sirius when he got back about leaving so soon, a part of him wished he would be as understanding as he is to him. Even if that was the case, Wales, unfortunately, had nothing to offer Remus at all.

He spent a full 48 hours searching for any trace of a werewolf, he asked around, and almost got killed in a local flower shop, which just happened to be owned by a witch who hated werewolves with their whole life. He searched the night, hoping they would come out but nothing. People knew where they normally were but they just weren't there. By the begging of nightfall he had begun to get tired, he saw a group of wizards dancing and wondered how they could possibly be enjoying themselves at a time like this. Since he had no other way of getting back to London, he decided to take the muggle train, just two hours he told himself.

When he pulled up at the London Bridge train station he could feel a physical change. It felt weird but lovely at the same. He looked up at the train dates and in large bold letters, it said 2nd November 1981. He smiled thinking about how a furious Sirius was waiting for him. Mad-Eye had most likely old Sirius where he was so that made him think of the sweeter version of Sirius waiting at the door to give him flowers because he’s finally home.

He stopped at a gift store and bought a new tourist poster with David Bowie, it wasn't the best gift but he knew he had time. The street in which they lived was quieter than the rest of London. People were in the streets dancing and having a small parade. Remus wasn't thinking of any of this at the time, only Sirius. He walked up the stairs with a big smile on his face and took a breath before opening the door.

His face fell as soon as he swung it open. Sirius was in fact not waiting for him with open arms. Instead, the room was completely trashed. Plates were broken, letters torn and everything was completely out of place.

“Remus!” screamed a voice.

“Sirius!?” he said walking in. From the corridor out came Mary and Grant Chapman, Remus hadn't seen him in months, he was one of his old flames. “What happened? Where’s Sirius?” it was at that moment he realized Mary’s eyes were bloodshot. His mind was going at 100 miles per hour he could hear a word Mary was saying.

“Remus…please just listen to me.”

Tears were already falling down Remus’ cheek, all he could think about was the worst. If only he had been here, maybe he could have stopped whoever came into their house and hurt Sirius. “Where the hell is he, Mary?! I swear if you don’t tell me where his right now I will-”

“-They took him away!” She screamed. She had started crying too, louder than Remus as well, “They took him far away, serves him right if you ask me.” she spat.

“What?” Remus said in disbelief, “...What did he do?” he asked quietly.

“Remus…He…He finally lived up to his family name.”

As I said before, Remus blocked out nearly everything else that happened to him after that. I mean you can't blame him. His whole life was taken from him, his whole reason to live. He tried doing things to himself to forget the pain or never feel it. None of it worked. As much as he so badly didn't want to be alive, he didn't want to die as well. He thought he was crazy, or out of his mind. He most likely was as well. It was only in 1993 when he got a letter from the first time in over a decade, asking if he would be able to fill in at Hogwarts when he felt something.

“I think you should go.” Said Grant. He had been keeping an eye on Remus for the last 5 years after finding him passed out in a bar.

“And what do you know about Hogwarts?” he spat.

“I know you so badly want to see the boy,” he said before grabbing his bag and heading out.

That…That one sentence was enough to bring him back to life. As much as he hated himself and he hated everyone else in the world, that young boy…Harry, meant the world to him even though he knew he was a stranger to him.

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First chapter in new fanfict, if you wanna read it click the link at the top or search my iser name on Ao3

Thanks

[heyitssmiller]

Clandestine - Chapter Two

Alright people, say it with me: Trust Issues. Also Finn goes from zero to one hundred real fast.

This is definitely a filler chapter; we’ll get to more spy stuff next chapter.

@lumosinlove

Chapter One

.

Finn made sure to get to the office early enough to have time for a trip down to the Archives, his second cup of coffee in hand as he took the elevator up to the fifth floor of the building. He needed intel. Not on the Snakes – they were getting briefed on them later today. No, he was looking for files on his new partners.

Granted, he could learn a lot from observing them on his own time, but that could only give him so much. In order to get the full picture, he needed their hometowns, history, information about their families, jobs they’d done in the past, you name it. Because, for one of the only times in his life, he was stumped. His entire job was based on how well he could read people; this was frustratingly unusual.

Unusually frustrating? Finn questioned as elevator opened with a ding.

It was both frustrating and unusual. There.

Figuring Logan out was harder than he’d thought it would be. Finn was having a really hard time connecting the Logan he knew from two months ago to the one he was trying to get to know now. He was so different compared to the version of Logan he’d met at the New Year’s party… but alcohol tended to have that effect on people. The guy who cuddled with him on that ratty old couch while nursing a rum and coke now kept his distance. The easy smile and contagious laugh Finn remembered hadn’t been seen or heard since. He was so guarded. About everything, it seemed like. That made him hard to get to know, hard to predict. 

And then there was Leo. Leo made absolutely no sense, in Finn’s opinion. With constant movement but controlled, practiced actions, he was a paradoxical combination of restless and serene. His nerves pointed towards inexperience, but his eyes told a different story – one with complete confidence of his capabilities. He was an enigma. And Finn couldn’t seem to get a read on him.

That was important to Finn. He needed to be able to read and understand his partners. He needed to be able to know their thoughts, predict their every move, trust them. They wouldn’t work together otherwise.

So he woke up at a god-forsaken hour – it was still dark outside – and here he was, outside the Archives.

Staring at the back, broad shoulders, and brown hair of one of his new partners.

Fuck.

He put on a smile. “If I’d known I was meeting you here, I would’ve brought coffee for you.”

Logan didn’t tense, exactly, but his shoulders stiffened slightly. He turned and smiled back. It still wasn’t the smile Finn remembered from that night, wasn’t the one he wanted to see again so badly. “Hey. I see you had the same idea as me.”

“And what’s that?”

He shrugged, indifferent. “Getting intel on your new partners.”

“Nah,” Finn lied as they walked side-by-side to the front desk, “I’m here to brush up on the previous missions against the Snakes’ before our briefing this afternoon. But it’s nice that you want to do your research on us.” He winked. Logan’s lips twitched in an attempt to withhold a smile.

“Can I help you boys?”

Finn turned his bright smile to Lily Potter, who was manning the Archives desk. “Hello, my fellow redhead! We would like the files on past Snakes’ missions, and then the files on Knut, Tremblay, and yours truly, please.”

She arched an eyebrow. “How much time do you have on your hands?”

“Don’t have anything on my schedule until this afternoon. Why?”

“The missions will take you at least two days to get through. It’s probably eight, ten years of files.”

Finn whistled lowly. “Holy shit.”

He hadn’t really thought this through. In his defense, though, it was a spur of the moment idea.

“Well, just the other files, then. Someone over here wants to do research on his new partners.”

Lily sent Logan a curious glance, but left to grab the files. Finn turned to Logan with a flirtatious smile, resting his arm on the desk. “So, what all do you want to know? I’m an open book.”

“I seriously doubt that.”  Logan snorted, nose crinkling in the process.

Finn’s smile turned more genuine. God, he was cute. “Ok, then ask away. Here, I’ll help you out. I’m a Gemini, I graduated from Harvard, I’m a sucker for green eyes, I enjoy long, romantic walks on the beach as long as there’s no seaweed-”

“Why would you think any of that is relevant?”

“I give you all this information and that’s the first question you ask? I’m offended.” Lily chose that moment to return with three files, two significantly thicker than the other one. Finn thanked her and grabbed Logan’s file for himself before passing the other two to Logan.

“Have fun researching!” Finn said as he turned to head for the elevator again. He paused before looking back at Logan and adding with a wink, “Oh, and pass along Nut’s file to me when you’re done reading it.”

***

Remus stepped foot into the briefing room to find Sirius already there, messing with a laptop. Where he got said laptop was unknown. And a little worrying, seeing that he’d shown up in Gryffindor with a bag of clothes, some cash, and nothing else.

He glanced up at Remus and looked him over with a smile. “Good afternoon. Long time, no see.”

“What are you up to?” Remus asked as he set his bag down, clutching his cup of tea in his other hand and looking back at Sirius. There were bags under his eyes, reminding Remus of the fact that he was still sleeping on his couch. Sleeping was a loose term, though. He had also been awake when Remus had gone to bed and when he got up in the morning. Did the man ever sleep?

“Oh, nothing much.” Sirius said, hitting a few keys on the laptop in rapid succession. “Getting ready to brief the cubs.”

“The cubs?”

“Your logo is a lion. And they’re the youngest ones here, right? Hence the cubs.”

“Cute.” Remus sat down in one of the chairs with a sigh and took a sip of his tea. “So what are you briefing them on today?”

“Members of the Snakes. I have a powerpoint with pictures and everything.”

“Oh god.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus. “Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. Better than me droning on and expecting them to stay focused.”

“They’re spies. Sometimes, that’s part of the job.”

“Sure. But it doesn’t have to be.”

Remus smiled a little at that. “How thoughtful of you.”

“I try.”

He hummed, cupping his mug with both hands. “You know, if you were really thoughtful you’d stop leaving your dishes in the sink.”

That startled a laugh out of Sirius. “Now, why would I do that when it’s so fun to get on your nerves?”

“You don’t get on my nerves.”

Sirius arched an eyebrow. “No?”

“No.” He took another sip of tea to hide his smile. “I’m a very patient man.”

Sirius was still laughing by the time Knut, O’Hara, and Tremblay entered the room. They all sat side by side, not really talking much and still a little unsure of each other. That needed to change soon. You couldn’t afford to be doubting your partners while on missions like the ones they’d be getting into.

“Alright, cubs! Let’s get started, shall we?” Sirius asked, connecting the laptop to the room’s projector. “Today we’re going over the members of the Snakes and what all you need to know about them.”

An animated picture of a snake in a party hat showed up on the projector. Remus sighed.

“Ok, so we’ll start at the top.” He switched to the next slide. “This is Riddle. Fuck Riddle. He’s in charge of every little detail of the Snakes, and very paranoid about handing over tasks to other members. He’s got a lot of messed up ideas about ethics and – well, pretty much everything.”

“What’s wrong with his eyes?” Logan asked, still staring uncomfortably at the yellow eyes on the screen.

Sirius shrugged. “I think it’s a genetics thing. Something about liver issues. I never really paid attention. On to the next member!”

A picture of a greasy-haired man with a sour expression on his face glared back at them.

“Snape.” Remus said with disdain. At Sirius’ look, he just shrugged. “Pots has gone up against him a few times. He hates the guy and makes sure everyone knows it. He works in the drug side of their operation.”

“Exactly.” Sirius smiled, which proved to be more distracting than Remus thought it would be. There had been teasing smiles, flirty smiles, sarcastic smiles, but this one was new. This was one of the first genuine smiles he’d seen from the ex-Snake. “I think I like Potter a little more now.”

“I think you two could actually be really good friends, and that terrifies me.”

“Ok, next is Bellatrix. Please, please avoid her as much as possible. She’s certifiably insane.”

Finn frowned. “She’s got one of the flash drives, right?”

“Unfortunately, yes. So it’s going to be up to you to distract her and Leo to grab the drive, probably.”

Both boys paled a little, then looked to each other, seeming to have a silent conversation all their own.

Sirius moved on to the next slide, where a man with cold eyes and a feral smile looked back at them. “This is Fenrir Greyback. Don’t fuck around with this one, he’s ruthless.”

Finn and Logan’s eyes snapped over to Loops, who looked pale and slightly nauseous. His hand was on the juncture of his neck and shoulder, massaging the muscle absentmindedly. Not for the first time, Finn wondered what exactly happened on that mission. All he knew was that Loops was supposed to take Greyback down and he came back with a mutilated shoulder and new cuts on his face that were sure to scar. He hadn’t been back in the field since.

Leo’s gaze moved from one person in the room to the next, slowly piecing together the story. He didn’t know all the details yet, but he knew they couldn’t be good.

Sirius, who was still talking, finally seemed to connect the dots. His eyes got wide and his sentence trailed off to remain incomplete. He stared at Loops in horror. “Fuck.”

“I think that’s enough for today.” Leo said quietly but firmly, getting out of his seat while giving Remus a meaningful look. His partners followed suit. “We can pick this up again tomorrow.”

The three of them left in a hurry, leaving Sirius and Remus alone. Remus started grabbing his meticulously organized notes and shoved them in his bag. He could feel Sirius’ gaze on him, but he refused to look up.

“Listen, Remus, I had no idea –”

“Of course you didn’t.” Remus cut in calmly. “How could you have known? Hell, you probably congratulated him after that mission –”

“That’s not true –”

“But you were there. You knew what he did to people and yet you just stood by.”

“Why do you think I left?” Sirius demanded, his voice raising. Remus finally met his gaze. “You weren’t the only one who got screwed over by the Snakes. I grew up watching that shit, just assuming it was normal because that’s the way it’s always been there. And then I realized my parents were monsters and started thinking for myself and realized how fucked up that organization is. Do you really think I’d be here if I condoned that sort of shit?”

“Honestly? I wasn’t sure you cared. The only motivation for wanting to take the Snakes down that you’ve deigned to share with us is that you want your brother safe. You’ve never said anything about how you feel about the organization itself.”

“What are you smoking?” Sirius asked with an incredulous laugh. “I want my brother safe because he’s in that hellhole. What other reason –”

“Then tell us that!” Remus shouted, finally getting Sirius to stop talking. “You keep everything so close to your chest, you don’t seem to want to interact with any of us, and you don’t tell us anything but the bare minimum. How are we supposed to get anything done if we can’t trust you?”

“That’s a bit hypocritical, don’t you think? I swear, you’re one of the most guarded people I’ve ever met!”

“Well, you don’t really need to get to know me, do you?” Remus fired back. Sirius froze. “You’re here to take the Snakes down. That’s it. When all this is done, it’s not like you’re going to stay. You don’t have to trust me as a friend, but trust me as an agent.”

“That’s it, huh?” Sirius asked, voice dangerously blank.

“That’s it.”

“Fine.” He said gruffly, slamming the laptop closed and grabbing his jacket from the back of a nearby chair. “I’m headed out. Don’t wait up.”

Remus sighed, staring down at his mug and swirling the now-cold contents. Even though they’d gotten along surprisingly well the past couple of days, they weren’t friends. And they didn’t need to be friends. This was business. They were working together to get a job done. That was all. 

Remus knew that the two of them getting along so well was like an already-lit fuse - it was bound to blow up in their faces sooner rather than later. 

***

Finn walked into the safe room, whistling lowly as he looked around. He’d never been in here before – he hadn’t had a reason to. There were safes of all different types and sizes littered around the room. On tables, on the floor, embedded in the walls. He wondered how many safes there were total, and how long it had taken to collect them all.

Leo was seated criss-cross-applesauce in front of one, pressing a stethoscope against the door of a safe and rotating the dial slowly. Finn smiled a little at the sight. This made more sense, seeing it in action. The constant fidgeting was replaced with stillness, the only movement being those of deft fingers against the dial. All that motion and pent-up energy were now focused solely on the safe. 

He walked up to Leo, completely unnoticed, and tapped on his shoulder. Leo jumped a foot into the air, yanking the stethoscope out of his ears and whirling around to look at Finn. “Fuck, you scared me.”

“Sorry, Nut.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Coming to see you, obviously.” Finn said with a wink. “Tremblay and I were wondering if you wanted to get dinner with us. You know,” Finn made a weird motion with his hand and then cringed, moving his hand behind his back and grabbing it with his other hand to keep from performing any more weird, random movements. “Get to know the team and all that.”

Leo’s smile lit up the room. “I’d love to! Y’all headed out right now?”

Y’all.

Wow, his genteel southern-boy routine could really take him places in this profession. With that combined with his looks, no one would ever think he could possibly be guilty of anything.

“Probably. It’s almost seven.”

Leo blinked, confused. “Is it?” At Finn’s nod, he uncrossed his legs and stretched, his back popping in the process. “Guess we should get going then, huh?”

“Yeah.” Finn held out a hand and helped the blond to his feet. He really was just a giant. How did he find clothes that fit him? Finn glanced down at Leo’s shirtsleeves and - sure enough - they were an inch or two above his wrists. He realized he was sort of staring at this guy’s wrists, of all things, and his eyes shot back up to meet kind, albeit confused, blue eyes. “We were thinking Sid’s for dinner? You been there before?” When Leo shook his head, he groaned. “You’re missing out, Nut. We’re fixing that right now. Come on.”

He led Leo back down the hall to the bullpen, where Logan was still pouring over files. How he ever expected to get through the huge pile of files on his desk, Finn had no idea. “Look alive, Tremblay. We’re getting pizza.”

Logan instantly looked up with a hopeful smile. “Sid’s?”

“Where else?” Finn laughed as Logan shot out of his seat and grabbed his coat. He’d never seen the other agent move so fast. “Hungry?”

Logan turned to look at him, his arm getting stuck in the sleeve of his coat. He grumbled under his breath in a language that definitely wasn’t English and shoved his arm into his sleeve. “I’m going to eat an entire pizza and you can’t stop me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

They stepped out of the building together, taking a right and heading down the street. It wasn’t actually that cold outside, for a Gryffindor winter – only thirty-five degrees or so. But Nut still shoved his hands into his pockets and nuzzled his nose into his coat. Finn couldn’t hold back the smile at the sight, noticing red-tipped ears and a slight shiver.

“Cold, Nut?” Logan asked, also noticing the blond’s hunched shoulders.

He looked at his new partners, then buried his nose again. “Don’t judge me. New Orleans winters aren’t nearly this bad.”

“New Orleans, huh?” Logan questioned, although Finn knew he was already aware of Leo’s hometown. It was in his file, after all. “I’ve always wanted to visit.”

“Ooh, yes!” Finn agreed, leading them around a corner. “The home of Mardis Gras.”

Leo shrugged. “If we’re being technical Mobile, Alabama had the first Mardis Gras celebration in the States. We just do it better. There’s a ton of people, though. If you really want to see the city, come at a better time in the year.” He sent the other two boys a smile. “Maybe summer, so you can experience real southern heat. And humidity.”

“No thanks.” They said in unison, making Leo laugh. The conversation trailed off as they waited for the sign at a crosswalk.

“Where are the two of you from?” Leo finally asked as the red hand morphed into a walking man and the ticking from the crosswalk speakers changed tempo. They stepped into the street with Logan staring down cars that could potentially start moving again and hit them.

Finn thought that was cute.

Maybe Finn was looking at his personality the wrong way. Guarded wasn’t the right adjective for him - protective fit much better.

“New York City.” He rushed to answer Leo’s question as they reached the other side of the street, pointing out the Sid’s sign for Leo.

“Canada.” Logan said a bit gruffly, but you could hear the fondness in his voice.

Leo arched an eyebrow. “Now I understand why you’re so accustomed to the cold.”

Finn held open the door to Sid’s, motioning for the other two to go on ahead. “You’ll get used to it, too, Nut. Logan, can you believe he’s never had Sid’s before?”

Logan went off on a tangent about the perfection that is Sid’s margherita pizza as they were led to their table by a young waiter, who eyed them curiously. They sat down and Finn noticed Logan choosing a seat facing the rest of the restaurant, back to the wall. He looked around at the others in the building, only relaxing when he deemed the coast to be clear.

They quickly looked over the menu, Finn and Logan giving recommendations about their favorite dishes (practically all of them) and began telling lighthearted stories about where they were from and how they grew up while waiting for their food. Leo’s leg was constantly bouncing under the table, but he looked happy and relaxed, which Finn took as a good sign. Finn finally, finally got one of those rare New Year’s party smiles again, as well as a new sunny, dimpled smile from Leo - both of which he really wanted to keep seeing.

He didn’t understand why he was making such a big deal of causing his partners to smile.

Ok, he might’ve had a slight idea. But he didn’t want to think about it too hard. Not yet, at least.

It was only when their pizzas arrived that Logan brought out the big guns.

“So what made you decide to do this for a living?” He asked, sticking his tongue out to catch a stray string of cheese from his pizza slice. Finn tried not to follow the motion too closely, for his own sanity. “For me, it was Dumo. He was our next-door neighbor growing up, after we moved from Canada. I remember he was always away on business trips, but he would  come back looking exhausted and a little beat up. I’d go visit Celeste while he was away – she was always so worried, so I knew something was up. I can’t remember exactly how I found out, but I think I was thirteen or so when I figured out what his job was.” Logan shrugged. “Nothing else really interested me after that.”

“You guys are close, then?” Leo asked, maintaining eye contact with Logan and grabbing the container of red pepper flakes, liberally adding it to his pizza. Finn watched on in horror. Had he previously burned all his taste buds off or something?

Logan smiled. “Yeah. He’s like a dad to me. The whole family’s great. I babysit their kids all the time.”

That was a mental image Finn would be thinking about for the foreseeable future. God, he was screwed, wasn’t he?

He hurried to talk and take his mind off of it. “I got recruited right out of college. I’ve got a good memory and a knack for predicting people and how they’ll react to things. I jumped at the opportunity.” 

He smiled fondly at the memories his mind brought up. “My brother and I grew up on James Bond movies. How cool would it be to do that for my career? So I joined. The obvious next step was becoming a conman, I guess. It’s where I fit best.”

They looked to Leo, who seemed mildly embarrassed. “My Mama caught me pickpocketing on Bourbon Street.”

Logan and Finn took a moment to process that, and then cracked up. Leo waited for them to calm back down, smiling sheepishly before he continued, “She said if I was going to do stuff like that, I should at least be doing some good in the world. So she googled and found Gryffindor and asked some recruiters to meet with me. I came home from school one day to Blizzard and Talker sitting on my couch, eating my mom’s jambalaya.” Logan and Finn laughed again while Leo dragged his crust through some marinara sauce. “Next thing I knew, I was driving a moving truck across the country.”

“Do you miss home?” Logan asked, finally shoving his plate away.

Leo shrugged, looking back and forth between the other two knowingly. “Doesn’t everyone miss home, in one way or another?”

Finn wasn’t even sure what home was to him anymore. Maybe he’d figure it out one of these days. He glanced over at his new partners. Logan also looked pensive, apparently grappling with Leo’s words as well. 

Leo seemed completely unfazed, his leg bouncing again. “Does anyone want dessert?”

[vivithefolle]

Not sure if you already talked about this. (I’m pretty sure you have) but someone seemed to notice that when the trio get into fights, Hermione’s always in the right. Even when she’s supposed to be wrong she always seems to be half right. That kind of bothers me. Especially since it’s evident in the whole Scabbers situation.

I have indeed, on Quora, so let’s move yet another answer of mine to Tumblr!

Hermione is seldom wrong in the Harry Potter books. Sometimes she makes mistakes but those mistakes are either completely swept under the rug or downright ignored.

It’s partly due to lazy writing and partly due to Rowling’s own growing bias in favour of her Author Avatar that was fuelled by Steve Kloves, the primary advocate of the Hermione Granger Is The Perfect Girl Ever line of thinking (an utterly ridiculous line of thinking mind you).

Lizo: Steve, Hermione is a character that you have said is one of your favorites. Has that made her easier to write?

Steve: Yeah, I mean, I like writing all three, but I've always loved writing Hermione. Because, I just, one, she's a tremendous character for a lot of reasons for a writer, which also is she can carry exposition in a wonderful way because you just assume she read it in a book. If I need to tell the audience something...

JKR: Absolutely right, I find that all the time in the book, if you need to tell your readers something just put it in her. There are only two characters that you can put it convincingly into their dialogue. One is Hermione, the other is Dumbledore. In both cases you accept, it's plausible that they have, well Dumbledore knows pretty much everything anyway, but that Hermione has read it somewhere. So, she's handy.

Now this, right here, is the exact core of the problem.

Rowling herself admits it: if she wants the readers to have information, she puts Hermione in the scene. Hermione is our primary means of exposition because, like *grits teeth* Sssssteve puts it, it’s easy to assume that she’s read about it somewhere and it makes sense.

That’s all well and good but at first, if you notice, Ron also gave us exposition about the wizarding world, mostly about its culture. He was able to recall the exact year of the Wizarding Confederation that outlawed dragon breeding in Philosopher’s Stone! He explained what were respectively a “Mudblood”, a “Squib”, and Parseltongue, Hermione doing a little exposition about the history of that last one! He was also able to identify Sirius, after being dragged into the Whomping Willow, as an Animagi!

But then Goblet of Fire happens and you can notice the first change that will exponentially grow through the books: instead of Ron, pureblood Ron, born-before-the-end-of-the-war Ron, lived-through-the-aftermath-of-the-war Ron, identifying the Dark Mark, it’s instead Hermione, muggleborn Hermione, lived-as-a-Muggle-for-most-of-her-life Hermione, has-no-idea-about-the-emotional-impact-of-the-Mark Hermione who looks terrified as the Dark Mark shoots into the sky!

And it only will get worse, by the end of the series, Hermione pretty much knows about everything the plot needs her to know, instead of having to work with things she knows but can’t always apply to the situation:

Suddenly has a deep knowledge of Magical Law (in the will of Dumbledore’s chapter, while we had Rufus Scrimgeour who could have provided it to us, or to a lesser extent, Ron could have explained how a wizarding will basically worked)

Is suddenly an expert at finding edible plants and mushrooms. Apparently books are always the goddamn answer in JKR’s world, you can literally learn anything from them

She can decipher all the Tales of Beedle the Bard (may I remind you that they were written in Runes, okay Hermione may have a few years of Ancient Runes education BUT I once tried to translate a 3k+ story I had written for fun, from French to English, which means I knew what the subtleties and intentions were, I knew which turns of phrase I had to preserve so it would make sense in the end, and it still took me two gruelling weeks to get a satisfying result!)

Has suddenly grown a sense of quick-thinking (escaping Xenophilius’ house, using the jinx to make Harry’s face weird-looking) despite it being the only remaining flaw she had at the time (remember when she turned her back on her enemy while he was still conscious just to compliment Harry, and almost died as a result, even though she had been training in the DA to learn how to fight Death Eaters?) Quick-thinking under pressure can be learned, but it takes time and a lot of work to force your brain to override its instinct - and it’s fine because we’re all human and different. But no suddenly Hermione is the Greatest Strategist Evah™ and those silly boys (who actually were the original quick-thinking ones, and one of them was established as the strategist early on) better be grateful for this literal goddess because she protects them from all harm with her superhuman brain.

Somehow knows about Quidditch stuff - she knows about a Snitch’s “memory-touch”. Why should she give all the answers? Why can’t Ron give us this particular tidbit of information?

And then when we come to something Ron actually knows, the damn narration itself goes “woah a book that Ron has read but Hermione hasn’t??? shocking!! incredible!! Ron is not dumb, somebody call the news channel”. But… is that really so surprising? We’ve never seen Hermione read wizarding fiction or even Muggle fiction. We’ve never seen Hermione with anything other than schoolbooks in her hands. Of course Ron has read books she hasn’t read since she doesn’t seem to read fiction at all!

Sorry, bit of a tangent over here.

There are only two characters that you can put it convincingly into their dialogue.

So, that’s one part of the problem: the fact that Rowling, after making Ron our insight into magical culture and Hermione our provider of knowledge, ended up saying “eh whatever I guess Hermione can tell us everything we gotta know because it’s more convenient for me”. Which is a decision that was not based on Hermione’s character, but simply lazy writing. Long story short, it probably went: “Could Ron explain this bit of trivia? Meh, better make Hermione say it cause she’ll have read it in a book. It’s convenient and I won’t need to bother myself with exploring Ron’s characterisation.”

(And thus completely forgetting that Ron could maybe ask his big brothers via owl and provide us with a good heap of extra advanced knowledge - Bill is supposed to have aced his NEWTs after all.)

The other part of the problem is quite simply that Hermione is more often than not, either painted as a victim by the narrative (which makes more people take her side, classic manipulation tactic), or made to be right anytime it’s about a plot point.

Hermione’s mistakes are never explicitly stated, corrected, or even pointed out as being unethical.

Hermione only gets one mistake expressedly pointed out as being a mistake: her misadventure in Polyjuice Potion. The rest of them? Even her crush on Lockhart can’t be counted as a mistake - people get crushes all the time, based solely on physical appearance, it’s not something awful or terrible (Except when it’s Ron who crushes on someone. Ron crushing on someone is absolutely forbidden, and he must be punished with much ridicule and humiliation if he thinks he can get away with not worshipping Hermione like the goddess she is. The nerve of him, really.).

Throughout the books Hermione eventually morphs into Rowling’s Powerful Angel of Vengeance, that punishes the people who dared to do something she disliked - Rita is silenced but at a very ethically dubious price; Marietta gets scarred for life because she was more loyal to her mother than to a bunch of people her friend insisted she hang out with; Umbridge is led to a very, very alarming fate that is never made clear but some people have ideas and they’re not all very kid-friendly; Ron first is “helped” without knowing it because Hermione can’t be bothered to have faith in his capabilities, then when he fails to dutifully reward her for “helping” him, she causes him bodily harm before actively bullying him for not mind-reading her interest in him; causes even more bodily harm to Ron because that’s how feminism works; etc.

Hermione’s mistakes are always justified through the plot itself (which is lazy writing).

Turning into a cat? Only affects her.

The Firebolt? Scabbers? Well, in the end, it was really sent by Sirius Black and Crookshanks really wasn’t the culprit. Therefore all the feelings that were hurt and all the trust lost are irrelevant because Hermione was right all along.

Trying to free the house-elves? Well, it’s the intent that counts, right? And we’re never told enough about house-elf lore to know whether they’re poor brainwashed victims or powerful Penate-like symbiotes who need to serve a wizard to survive?

Kidnapping Rita Skeeter, trapping her and blackmailing her? Rita may be one foul little beetle, but that’s going a bit far, isn’t it? Harry approves? Oh, well, I guess it’s okay then…? A main character can’t have a dubious morality, right?

Manipulating Harry into forming Dumbledore’s Army and forcing him to relive a traumatic event with the same woman she’s kidnapped and blackmail and that she knows he hates? In the end, it all works out for the best and Harry’s hurt feelings don’t matter since it’s all about the greater good.

Using the centaurs to get rid of Umbridge (which poses the highly distressing question of what did the centaurs do to her?), realizing that the centaurs aren’t nice little horsies that are going to gently obey her every orders like good Disney princess’ companions, my goodness could this be an opportunity for character growth - nevermind, here comes Grawp the Giant Ex Machina, saving her arse and protecting Hermione from all that scary possibility of introspection. Thanks, Grawp Ex Machina.

Trying to dissuade a highly stressed-out and irrational Harry from rescuing Sirius by telling him exactly what he needed not to hear, a.k.a. “you have a saving people-thing” which causes Harry to completely go bonkers and go save his godfather without thinking twice? Well she was right after all, it was a trap! Nevermind how mind-boggingly insenstive and inadept at dealing with someone else’s feelings she was being, she was right! That means it wasn’t Hermione’s mistake!… probably. (Geez, I’m sensing a pattern here…)

Endangering Cormac’s life (Confunding him WHILE HE’S ON HIS BROOM) to promote Ron’s success? Oh but that’s so romantic! (Yeaaaah, how romantic to display exactly how much faith you lack in your crush. Top it off with a broken neck and that’s a picture perfect first date!)

Assaulting Ron with magic and causing him even more scars than he already had? But he was being cold with her first, right? And he totally should have known she was asking him out! It’s not like her invitation was even worse than his attempt to ask her out two years earlier! Plus she’s just a teenage girl expressing her emotions, anyone who tries to find fault in this is a disgusting abusive misogynist pig! Ha!

Getting all jealous that Harry is better than her at Potions, then pretending she’s not jealous by claiming that TEH BOOK IS EVIL, HARRY, and giving him the cold shoulder too? But no, she’s right, look, Harry used Sectumsempra and he almost killed Draco, nevermind that he’s very horrified about it! Hermione was right, like she always is!

Hermione Obliviating her parents, which pulls her from the “ethically dubious” zone into the “wow okay I’m pretty sure that this counts as a violation of basic human rights” zone, makes her one of those quirky wizardfolk who have the privilege to control those simple-minded Muggles because it’s for the greater good? But nooo she’s crying about it so it’s obviously very sad and angsty and it shows her devotion to the cause!

Splinching Ron while fleeing from the Ministry? Eeeh, but he’s fine, they’ve got Dittany, he’s good as new!… blood loss? Anaemia? What’s that?

Hermione was wrong about the Deathly Hallows not existing? Um, um, that doesn’t matter, LOOK DOBBY IS DEAD AND HARRY IS BACK TO LOOKING FOR THE HORCRUXES!! Therefore Hermione was right, the Hallows weren’t important for their quest, therefore the Hallows might as well not exist, HERMIONE WAS RIGHT NO REALLY I’VE GOT RECEIPTS -

The books never forget to remind Harry and Ron of their own shortcomings and moments of weakness.

Harry’s wrath and recklessness cost Sirius his life. This is the lesson he has to learn from his entitled behaviour in OotP: actions have consequences, and the greater your responsibility, the greater the cost will be.

Ron’s envy and insecurity lead him astray; they’re used to humiliate, ridicule and torture him throughout the books. They’re supposed to teach him that he’s worth something - but how is he supposed to believe that, when nobody ever tells him he’s worth anything? When nobody ever apologizes to him? When his feelings are taken for granted over and over? When his two friends seem to discard him whenever he does one thing wrong?

Hermione is never punished. Hermione is never said to be wrong, never shown to be wrong, never called out on her behaviour. From Prisoner of Azkaban to mid-Deathly Hallows, she stays exactly the same character. She doesn’t grow up. She doesn’t learn. She doesn’t change. She has virtually no character arc.

The only time, THE ONLY TIME IN SEVEN BOOKS, the only time we have something remotely resembling a call-out of Hermione’s horrible behaviour is with this sole quote in HBP:

Harry was left to ponder in silence the depths to which girls would sink to get revenge.

Note how it’s about “girls” and not Hermione in particular, which implies that any girl would do what Hermione does to Ron. Thanks for the generalization, JKR, but I like to believe I’m actually a decent sort of person that doesn’t resort to petty cruelty and exploits my friends’ insecurities whenever I’m angry with them.

Hermione NEVER has to apologize. Hermione NEVER has to learn from her mistakes because she’s always presented as a victim when she really isn’t. Hermione NEVER develops into something more - she’s emotionally stuck at fourteen years old. Even less than that when you consider that her reaction to Ron’s return in Deathly Hallows is to trash him with her fists - and she was going to get her wand!! The utter psychopathic b- wanted TO THROW BIRDS AT HIM AGAIN!!! - and this reaction is an appropriate one for a four-years old girl, but certainly not for a supposedly “mature” seventeen-years old.

(Yes, because what separates a child from an adult is the ability to reign in your emotions and not succumb to your impulses. Exactly what Ron did when he left the tent (notice that he had drawn his wand, then he left before he could start hexing Harry), he left to calm himself down. Exactly what Hermione fails to do when Ron returns (she has the impulse to strike him and immediately succumbs to it, which proves to us that The Brightest Witch Of Her Age has all the maturity of a very small child).)

All of that, on top of the awful portrayal in the movies which removes all of Ron��s characteristics to stuff them into Hermione and turns her into some impossible epitome of perfection, eventually contributed to the portrayal of Hermione as the one who is always right and knows everything.

Add to it JKR’s own ridiculous bias (“Ron was quite emotionally immature compared to the other two”, yeah right I don’t see him trying to force freedom onto unwilling creatures or making Harry fly into an irrational rage with mere words but you do you, Jo) and the sexist misconception that “girls are innately more mature than boys”, and you get yourself this apparent behemoth of righteousness that was literally the sole reason why those two silly boys survived everything, and don’t you dare criticize this angel of perfection OR ELSE.

[thinkingimmensely]

Okay. IV

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

A/N: I have a sudden burst in inspiration and finally finished this chapter! Here’s to the hope this streak continues *crosses fingers*. I know it’s been forever and IDK if you guys still read this but I’m still trying my best to update as soon as I can, haha. I have also been reading fanfics again, thus a boost in creative juice.

Stay safe in these trying times everyone!

MATERLIST

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from the Potterverse!

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“Are you mental? What in the world were you doing back there?” You yelled as your friend laid in the sofa nonchalantly, throwing a ball up in the air and catching it as it fell back down, as if without a care in the world. You flicked your wand at the ball and it catapulted itself to the other side of the room before Sirius could even catch it again.  “Listen to me!”

“What’s the point?” He groaned and turned his back to you.  

You flicked your wand towards him and made him roll over and fall off the couch. “That was extremely rash. Careless and impatient of you.” You scolded as your friend rubbed his back in pain. “They changed the portrait,” you informed him as you ran a hand through your hair, “that annoying Sir Cadogan, still ranting on and on about knighthood I reckon.”  

“Well, you didn’t have any other brilliant idea, did you? Besides, what were you doing there in the first place?” He finally asked. When he entered the house hours ago after his failed attempt on getting inside the Gryffindor common room, he was welcomed by darkness and a letter from Dumbledore in the counter you left. It was nearly 4AM and you just arrived a few minutes ago.

“You read the letter, didn’t you? Dumbledore invited me, plus, I wanted to see Harry.” You mumbled the last part.  

Sirius smirked and approached you as you took a seat. “Did they all have their knickers in a twist?” He asked, his voice laced with mischief, as if he was actually proud with the reckless stunt he pulled.  

You couldn’t help but let out a snort, typical Black and his love to get into different heart-stopping situations. That was where he and Remus differed- Remus was your calm, and Sirius was like a whirlwind bent on destroying everything he passed through. Speaking of Remus, you still couldn’t get your meeting off of your mind, and your heart still picked up its pace every time you thought about it even though it started off the wrong foot.  

You kind of felt guilty with lying, even though what you said wasn’t technically a lie. Kind of. “Next time you try to go in, maybe try learning the password first, yeah? There’s a brilliant idea for you.” You murmured, not caring if your friend heard you or not.  

Talk around town was filled with nothing but Sirius Black the next few days. The theories on how he got in into Hogwarts became wilder and wilder that you heard a young Hufflepuff student babble on to anyone who would listen that Sirius could turn into a flowering shrub. Sirius had laughed for ten minutes straight at that. You became busier as well- McGonagall strode in one day asking to speak to you privately.

“Dumbledore has requested your presence in his office any time you are available.”  

You wiped your hands on your apron, giving your old professor a questioning look. “Um, you can tell him that I’ll be there in a few minutes then, just let me tell Madam Rosmerta-” You were about to head back inside before McGonagall cut you off.

“Actually,” She started and you stopped on your tracks and turned back to her, “I also have a request if it wouldn’t be too much for you.”

“Yes?”

She let out a sigh, “Well, I believe you are aware that Harry Potter is a Seeker in the Quidditch team?” You nodded dumbly, having no idea where this conversation was going. “Well, their first match is on Saturday and the students want to train during the evening. I have already asked Madam Hooch to oversee their sessions, but it would put me more at ease if you were there as well. For extra protection, especially since there is no sign of Black yet.”  

You blinked, processing everything she just said. She was basically asking you to keep an eye on your godson- You broke out into a smile, bobbing your head immediately, “Of course!” You stopped and regained your composure when McGonagall raised a brow at you, “I mean, yes, it’s no problem at all Professor; I’ll head to the Quidditch field every time I finish here then.”

McGonagall let out one of her rare smiles and nodded at you, she then told you she would be waiting for you so you could go to the castle together. Luckily for you, Madam Rosmerta had no qualms about you leaving early today so you left without much hassle and you and McGonagall headed to Hogwarts, making small talk here and there.

When you came here with Sirius, you didn’t expect to be going in and out of the school so much; especially since you’ve been laying low for the past ten years, leaving the Ministry and all that. “I believe you know your way from here.” McGonagall told you as you entered the castle, you nodded absentmindedly so she left you in the hall. 

The students stole glances at you as they passed by, some surely recognizing you from the Halloween feast. You stuffed your hands inside the pockets of your coat and made your way up the numerous staircases until you reached the familiar corridor that led to the Headmaster’s office.

You stood outside entrance covered by the large and ugly stone gargoyle. You were at a lost since McGonagall never mentioned the password to you. So how were you going to go inside now? Just before you turned on your heels to find someone who could get you in, the pathway opened as Remus came out looking rather under the weather. He stopped on his tracks when he saw you; he cleared his throat and fixed his tie. “Y/N” He tiredly greeted.

“Remus.” You answered with a nod. The both of you stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to talk about. You glanced behind him, at the stairway to the office, “Um, is Dumbledore available?”  

Remus turned and glanced at stairs as well, then looked at you again, “Uh- yes, yes he is, we just finished our discussion and he doesn’t have an audience now so...” He trailed off.

“Okay, I guess I should head in then.” You mumbled and walked past him before turning back, “Take care of yourself okay?” You told him. He gave you a curt nod before walking away, so you went on to your business.  

Sirius paced back and forth in the little house you shared. “Honestly, please sit down. You’re making me dizzy with all the pacing. It’s not good for the floorboards.” You snapped. He sat down next to you in the sofa and looked at you seriously. Despite the rather upbeat music that played from the radio in the corner, the room had a rather glum atmosphere.  

“Dumbledore wants you to-”  

“To patrol Hogsmeade and Hogwarts a couple of times in a week. Report to him if I find anything suspicious, or I see any clues where you might be.” You finished.

Sirius furrowed his brows, “But why? You’re not an Auror anymore, you don’t have to do shit for them.” He snarled. Because what ever did Dumbledore did for any of them when the Potters died? He gave Harry to those god-awful Muggles and hadn’t even tried to give a fair trial to Sirius.  

You looked up to your Headmaster, you always had, but sometimes... sometimes his actions frustrated the hell out of you. Sirius took your hands in his when he noticed your visibly upset face. “I shouldn’t have brought you here with me. I think they’re trying to get you back into their fold.”  

“Sirius, you must be forgetting something,” You gave him a bitter smile, “They’re not the enemy here.” Sirius sighed and dropped his head to your joined hands. You freed one and ran it through his black locks. “Besides, this just means I get to see Harry more often, and maybe help you if the situation requires it.” You smiled at the thought.  

“You’ll get to see Moony-” he mentioned, “You’re bloody miserable every time you see him again, I know you, when you came back after the feast and today, after that meeting with Dumbledore, you’ve been lost in thought. You still love him, don’t you?” He sat straight again and looked at you straight in the eye. “I don’t want to see you die a little inside every single time.”

Your smile faltered; you hadn’t realized that Sirius noticed. You thought you were being discreet about it. “I...” You inhaled sharply, “I never stopped.” You admitted for the first time, letting out a defeated breath. Your eyes watered as you tried to keep your emotions in check whenever Remus was the topic of your conversation. Sirius placed a warm hand on your cheek and wiped a stray tear away.  

“Moony’s a total git for letting you go.” He commented, you let out a dry laugh at that and he grinned. “C’mere” He pulled you up from the couch and held your hands, a playful glint in his eyes as he swayed to a different, but still upbeat song from the radio. He looked rather idiotic as he moved left to right in what could be called an impromptu dance. You laughed as he pulled you close and twirled you around at random moments, it was as if your worries and your hurt was being washed away and the once gloomy house was filled with laughter for the first time since you’ve been there. Remus, Peter, Dumbledore and the Dementors were faraway thoughts at that very moment because all you could focus on was your best friend who was swaying with you clumsily to a Muggle song the both of you didn’t even know the title of.  

As the song neared its end, your head leaned on his neck as he held you close, slowly turning with your hands still clasped together, relishing in the company and comfort the two of you gave to each other, but reality was slowly seeping back in by then and you stopped when the song ended. You pulled away from him; the two of you shared a look as static played in the background before you retreated to your bedroom, shutting the door softly behind you.  

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If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Five

James Potter x OC

Words: 3,5k

Prologue   Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four

Time flies fast when you have fun. And I had a lot of fun for a week after the party. Despite the harsh weather, despite the essays piling up, despite the training sessions getting tougher it was all worth it in the end when I was left alone in the Common Room with James, chatting about everything and anything. Occasionally even Sirius, Remus and Peter would join us if they weren't in the mood to go to sleep yet and we would play Chess or Exploding Snap.

Of course I knew I would never be part of their unique friendship quartet but I was glad they would let me join in on their fun from time to time. Though I suspected they mainly missed James and didn't want to abstain from him too much.

One particular evening left me alone with Sirius and a few empty bottles of Firewhiskey after Remus and Peter decided to head to bed early and James insisted on retrieving some midnight snacks, sneaking off with a Disillusionment Charm. How he had managed that spell when we hadn't learned it in class was beyond me. Anyways, this got to be the first time I had ever been in the lonely presence of the school's heartthrob with no one and nothing in the near vicinity to distract him from me.

I swallowed nervously whilst the dark-haired boy seemed pretty relaxed, his posture slouched in his armchair.

"You know, I do wonder sometimes how things come together," Sirius' voice cut into the silence and I looked up from my fiddling fingers in my lap to see him pensively watch the flames flicker around in the fireplace, the light giving his features a warm glow.

"In what way?" I asked quietly, not wanting to somehow interrupt his peaceful posture.

"I mean, the way things have turned out in the end," he said, waving his hand to gesture around us, "Everything that brought us to the point of sitting here in the Common Room of the Gryffindors in the middle of the night. I got the best friends I had ever imagined I would get. Ever." I smiled at this. "I'm a Gryffindor, which is the least likely house a Black would get in. I ran away from home and am living with my best friend the life and with the family I've always dreamt of." Now this wasn't exclusive news. Everyone knew about Sirius' escape from the Black House last summer and that he was staying at the Potter's. I was sure a lot of people had their opinions on it but were clever enough to not voice them out, at least not with any Marauder nearby.

I was a little surprised however that he opened up about it when he had refused to say anything on the matter for the past months. One glance at the empty bottles on the table gave me the answer though. 'Everyone gets a loose tongue after a few drinks. Good thing I don't drink...much.'

"I'm glad you are out of there," I said sincerely, recalling the one time I had been pushed into the boy's locker room by my fellow female, giggling team members and had caught a glimpse of the many bruises on his back. I didn't know why but I immediately had a hunch that those hadn't only been from Quidditch. They had looked too nasty. My attempts to talk about child abuse with him were instantly cut off by the boy himself, the cold glare still giving me chills even in mere memory.

"Me too," Sirius sighed blissfully, "The Potter's are truly the best."

"Now all that is missing is the future Mrs. Black," I teased.

He wiggled his eyebrows, "I have encountered a lot of worthy candidates so far. Wanna be next?"

"Thanks, but I'd rather not catch anything," I replied, wiggling my eyebrows back at him. He gave me a mock affronted look before he smirked devilishly, my breath catching involuntarily at the handsome enhancement of his features, "Don't worry, I wouldn't ever date the future Mrs. Potter."

I almost choked on my spit, "Excuse me?"

"Oh, you heard me just right," he barked out a laugh at my red face, "And you can't tell me there is nothing going between you two."

"Ehm, I can because there is nothing going on between us," I retaliated, forcing down the blush from my cheeks.

"You don't have to hide it from me," Sirius said with a shrug, his shit-eating grin still ever so present on his face and I grimaced at him, "I don't blame you. And the Potter's are the best family you can meet."

"Sounds like heaven," I replied deadpanned and he nodded his head with wide eyes and a straight grin before he reached for his forgotten half-empty glass of Firewhiskey. Sobering up slightly, I pondered on my next words before voicing them out carefully, "Don't you miss your actual family though?"

"Hm?" Sirius hummed but I knew he had heard me clearly, stalling as he took a long sip of his drink.

"You don't have to answer that if you don't want to," I added hastily when I noticed how his features hardened, "I'm just a curious cat, wondering if I could ever leave my family like that."

"Do they abuse you mentally and physically every hour of the day?"

"Ehm...no."

"Then you don't have to wonder about it," Sirius said darkly, "You can consider yourself one of the luckiest people on earth." I kept quiet, watching him close his eyes and breathe in deeply through his nose. 'Maybe I should have just kept quiet like always,' I thought, mentally kicking my tactless ass.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked," I apologised softly, looking down at my lap awkwardly. Hearing him sigh made me peek at him through my lashes, "It's okay, Cec." I beamed in relief at the nickname. "My family is just a touchy subject."

"I get it, you don't want anything to do with them," I agreed quickly, trying not to agitate him further.

"It's not that I don't want to...," he sighed for the umpteenth time, rubbing his eyes tiredly, "I just can't deal with them anymore. And Reg..."

"Regulus Black? Your brother, right?" I asked, having heard that name before. Apparently, he took after his brother, being the heartthrob of his year and part of the Slytherin Quidditch team albeit a Seeker.

"Yeah, my little brother," the dark-haired boy said, a smile unconsciously lifting the corner of his lips before they dropped into a bitter frown, "Of course, he is just as brainwashed as the rest of them, all thanks to our dear mother," he almost spat the last word and I winced at the hatred in his tone. At this point, it almost sounded like he was talking to himself, barely realising the other presence in his proximity. "I wish he would have just come with me," he mumbled, a vulnerable look on his face.

"You could still try to be close to him," I offered a weak suggestion, which he immediately dismissed with a scoff/hiccup. "Yeah, right. As if he would listen to me after I ran away. He won't even look my way anymore."

"But-"

"Don't think I haven't tried. He even said we weren't brothers right when I left." I frowned at the crack in his voice, my heart squeezing slightly at the pain in his eyes. Who would have known how much he suffered under all that loud and playful facade of his.

"Maybe he was just mad that you were leaving him behind," I pondered softly, racking my brain about how to make him feel better, "Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment that we don't really mean." Sirius kept quiet, pensively watching the flames as he refused to make eye contact. I looked away from him, figuring he wouldn't like eyes on him at his vulnerable state, "I think, you two could still be close despite all the differences."

"...You really think so?"

"Yeah, one of you just has to make the first move."

"How do I know he won't reject me?" he asked like a small child, the armchair he sat on suddenly looking too big for him.

I thought it over. The possibility of rejection was definitely there, I wouldn't lie to him about it. After all I knew nothing about his brother's personality. "You don't," I responded, "But the world is full of lonely people waiting for the other to make the first move. And so many bonds get lost because of it. Don't you think that's sad?" His grey eyes snapped over to mine for the first time we had started this serious talk, surprise flickering through them before they were set into something akin to determination.

Before he could open his mouth to say anything though, James came bustling through the portrait hole, his arms packed with various snacks as he giggled like a fool. "Dig in, guys!" he cheered, dropping everything on the coffee table and just like that the serious mood was broken.

I watched Sirius pick up some cookies, munching on them as he chatted up a storm with James about the upcoming Quidditch match. By now, I knew it had been mostly the alcohol that made him spill everything. I just hoped he wouldn't feel too awkward about it the next morning.

The game against Slytherin had packed a punch. The Hufflepuffs' Bludgers were nothing against their aggressive tactics.

Let's just say no player got out there unscathed and the Snitch got caught by Regulus Black - the Slytherin Seeker - just before Angie managed to get a goal that would have gotten us a win if it had only been a few seconds earlier.

I rubbed my sore side where a Bludger had hit me at the beginning of the game as we went inside the locker room, the Slytherins celebrating on the field and laughing at our backs.

"Worst game ever," Frank, who was trudging next to me, muttered and I nodded wordlessly, my eyes watching the stiff back of our Captain as he led us into the little hut.

"This game was pathetic!" James hissed as soon as the door closed to our locker room, "Nothing worked the way we have practiced. Sirius, Frank where the hell were you two when they rained the Bludgers down the Chasers?"

"I-" Sirius started but James continued, still heated, "Oliver? You're the Keeper, right? You are supposed to keep the Quaffles out of the hoops and not hit them through!"

"I didn'-"

"And Angie? Were you even on the field? I couldn't bloody see you once near the opposite hoops."

"James, I was trying everything," Angie protested next to me, "The Slytherin Chasers w-"

"Don't even try any excuses on me," James spat agitated, "I know you want to quit after break but the way you play makes me think you want me to kick you out right now."

"James," I spoke up astonished as Angie sat back with a pissed off look. I knew he could get angry from past experiences during matches but that was straight out rude. "Calm down, we all tried our best."

"Tried your best?" the boy hissed, and I resisted the urge to tell him he sounded like a snake. No, that would probably make him madder, "If that's your best you can say bye-bye to your dreams of becoming a professional Chaser, Cecily. Not even the Montrose Magpies would want you!"

My eyes widened in surprise, his words cutting a knife through my chest.

"James," Sirius started this time, his gaze actually serious for once as I deflated into my seat, feeling more hurt than I had expected, "It's enough now."

The Captain sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose to calm himself. "Fine. Get dressed, we will talk about this at practice next week. Whoever needs to go to the Hospital Wing, stay back. We will go together."

I jumped out of my seat as soon as he dismissed us, rushing towards the girls' room to take a shower and change, his words repeating in my head like a mantra.

"Don't take him seriously," Angie soothed, interrupting the silence around us, "He always gets pissy when we lose a game."

"I know," I said with a sigh, wincing when I touched my side. Angie grimaced at the already bruising spot, "You should get that checked by Madam Pomfrey."

Nodding in agreement, we walked out together.

"Don't you wanna wait for the others?" Angie asked as I kept walking. "No, let's just go," I said over my shoulder, forcing her to concede when I didn't stop.

"Ms. Grant," Poppy greeted me, "It's been a while. I hope you realise, neither the sweets nor Mr. Potter have changed my mind, no matter how persuasive the Pixie Puffs can be."

"It's not that," I replied, shaking my head at Angie when she gave me a questioning look, "I just need to get my side checked."

"Ah, the Quidditch match between Slytherin and Gryffindor has been today, right?" Poppy remarked, frowning at the sight of my bruise when I lifted my shirt, "Honestly, this game should be banished from school. It always gets way out of control."

"Still nothing that you can't fix," I replied, watching her shuffle through her cupboards after setting me down on one of the beds.

"What was that about Pixie Puffs and Potter?" Angie asked as we waited.

"Just me unsuccessfully trying to get an internship here at the Hospital Wing," I explained quietly as the doors of the Wing opened once more to reveal the other players trudging inside, pushing aside the few Slytherin players that tried to walk in as well. Luckily, they were in too much of a good mood to stir up a fight like they usually would, instead opting to just verbally make fun of the boys in the background.

"Didn't I tell you to wait?" James asked annoyed as he sat down on the unoccupied bed next to us.

"Yes, and I didn't," I snapped back, pissed off at both him and the pain in my side. James opened his mouth, but Sirius clasped his hand on his shoulder, shaking his head. Shooting the grey-eyed boy a grateful look I turned around as Poppy came back, gesturing for me to lift my shirt. I obeyed, hissing as she applied some balm on the bruise but sighing immediately in relief as the pain diminished into a dull ache. "Apply this once more tonight and it should all be well by tomorrow," the matron instructed as she handed me the tube and I thanked her with a quick smile before I hopped off to leave. Bidding the others goodbye, I ignored James' lingering look, particularly at my bruised side, and left to have a quick dinner and head to bed.

This day had been exhausting enough.

The following days were miserable to say the least. The Slytherins were still gloating about their win, classes were hell as nothing went into my brain and on top of that I wasn't on speaking terms with James and therefore, the rest of the Marauders as well.

It wasn't like I didn't want to, but his words had left a sting more painful than the bruise on my side; Bringing up my deepest desire and throwing it back in my face was a big no-go. I almost regretted opening up to him like that and the more days passed with him not talking to me the more I wished I hadn't ever walked up to the Quidditch pitch for that game with a little extra-confident swagger in my steps.

I also wished I didn't have to attend the regular Quidditch practices; James was more commanding than usual, which led us to double laps and longer simulated games until it was pitch black outside. The only bright side was that at least Sirius tried to cheer us all up and even occasionally chatted with me in-between breaks.

"I think something is wrong with Peanut," I mused, adjusting my grip.

"Something is wrong with what?" Sirius asked perplexed.

"Peanut," I repeated, gesturing towards my broom. The dark-haired boy stared at me. "You...named your broomstick Peanut?" he asked slowly, uncomprehending.

"Yeah, why?"

"Just- no matter," he dismissed quickly, his lips twitching in amusement, "Why don't you tell James that something is wrong with Peanut? He can fix it."

Raising a brow, I stated, "First of, Peanut is a splendid name for a broomstick." I rolled my eyes as he burst out into small barks of laughter. "Secondly, I'm not on speaking terms with our dear Captain right now and you know that."

"Yes, I do." It was his turn to roll his eyes. "And I still think it's ridiculous."

"It's not! He mocked me!" I protested.

"Yeah, but weren't you the one, who told me that people say things they don't mean in the heat of the moment?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, "I don't appreciate you using my words against me!"

Sirius grinned before he turned sirius again, "He was angry, and I can safely say that he did not mean a single thing he's said back then."

"And why isn't he talking to me then? He hasn't even apologised!"

"Because he is also proud ass. Or rather, he doesn't know how to approach you," Sirius snickered and my eyes widened in surprise.

"He doesn't know how to approach me?"

"Yeah, he thinks you are angry at him-" "Which I am!" "-and he is still trying to figure out how to apologise." I stayed quiet, watching the subject of our conversation fly around the field, giving instructions to each player. "If you let it up to him, I would say he will work up his courage by the end of the year. At the earliest."

Later that evening, I decided to stay up after dinner. The others went to bed quickly whilst I sat on my bed with my broom on my lap, contemplating whether I should go down or not. I didn't even know if James still waited at the fireplace as I hadn't been there the past few days but figured it couldn't hurt to try.

Putting my robe over the sleeping clothes, I softly padded outside, carefully taking a peek around the corner into the Common Room after walking down the hallway. The space was empty except for one lonely person lounging on the loveseat in front of the warm fire, the sight achingly familiar.

Swallowing nervously, I gripped my broomstick tighter as I headed down the stairs with purposefully loud steps (as far as possible with socks on). His glass-rimmed eyes snapped over, widening, and he immediately sat up when I approached him.

"Hey James," I greeted him awkwardly, holding my broom in front of me with both hands, almost as a form of protection.

"Hey Cec," he breathed out as if in relief, his eyes rapidly flickering from me to the broom and back to me.

"Um-"

"Come sit," he offered quickly, patting the seat next to him and I obliged, relaxing and simultaneously feeling nervous at the proximity, "Why do you have Peanut with you?"

"Oh, right. Ehm, I think something is wrong with it," I explained, handing it over at his request, "It's not turning as smoothly as it used to."

"Hm, 'might have gotten tweaked during the last game," James mused, brows furrowed in concentration as he examined every inch, "It got hit by a lot of Bludgers, didn't it? Bloody Slytherins. But nothing I can't fix."

"Yeah, I figured that was the cause," I nodded in agreement and his eyes flickered over to me, the fire giving his irises a honey-coloured tone. "What about you?" he asked softly, "Is your side doing better?"

"Perfectly healed, thanks," I informed him, melting slightly on the inside at his concern, "You know Poppy." He cracked a grin at the nickname (causing my heart to miss a beat) before looking back down at the broom, his gaze turning serious.

"Cecily, I...wanted to- you know- I kind of said some messed up things after the game," he stammered slightly, fiddling with the broomstick nervously. My features relaxed at his nervous state and I allowed a small smile as he continued, "I really shouldn't have said what I said- you know the thing with the Montrose Magpies and you- and everything else I said to the others, I didn't mean any of it and I will never do it again, I solemnly swear! I guess, what I'm trying to say- and what I've been trying to say the past few days, but I didn't know how- well first, I figured I should probably give you some space since I never do that with Evans and she always gets madder and madder, but-"

"James," I cut him off and he immediately shut his mouth, "It's alright."

His brown eyes widened, "Really?"

"Yeah, I get it. It's okay."

"You are not mad anymore?" he asked tentatively, staring incredulously as I shook my head, "It's that easy?"

"Well, it can be," I replied with a grin before sighing, "I just don't wanna be mad anymore." And I missed his presence. But hush.

James also sighed, in relief as he leaned back. "Good, I don't think I could have waited any longer."

"Waited? For what?"

"Asking you out, of course."

This time, I really choked on my spit.

Chapter Six

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars • 06

Pairings: Sirius Black x [F]Reader, Remus Lupin x [F]Reader Content: Language, possible errors, music snob!Remus,  Author’s notes: song used: Come Together by The Beatles

BTW: I always try to use little to no physical descriptions for the reader insert but I did add that the reader has some sort of hair. I didn't mention hair texture or length (Sorry if ur bald). My taller readers, I only mentioned that you were shorter than Remus (no height was given)

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 6: ABBA vs. The Beatles 

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“Merlin’s beard! Binns is a sadist; torturing students must be his only pastime,” James yawned, taking his glasses off to rub his eyes.

Nothing could ever compare to the History of Magic. Today, lessons were dreadful and muddy. Professor Binns’ monotone voice filtered throughout the class, rambling on and on about various dates in history. Hardly anyone paid attention before he started calling on students. Annoyed, Binns would continue to reiterate his inquiry until the student(s) got the correct answer, no matter how long it took.

A sadist indeed.

Although Binns wasn’t the sole reason why the class was pathetic, but rather the lack of any practical work was simply a joke. The class only reminded Y/N of her short time in public school. Geometry? Utterly useless for any daily life interactions. To make matters worse, Binns surprised the class with a pop-quiz and two chapters of reading. Luckily, he had an ounce of mercy in his ghostly body and dismissed the class early for lunch.

James continued, “I would rather fight a dragon than — Woah! Your hair! “

She glanced to look at herself through the reflection in James’ glasses. Her hair, which originally was emerald green, was now turning into a golden yellow. The different colours clashed together boldly.

“You look like the banner for the Holyhead Harpies,” Peter said, striding up to James’ side.

“The Holyhead Harpies,” James said dreamily, “They’re probably one of my favourite teams.

Remus, who had been trailing behind Peter jumps in, “You only like them because they’re all women, you wanker.” He turns to Peter, his hand shooting up to the side of his head, massaging small circles into his temples, “Why’d you get him going?”

James became insufferable whenever someone or something mentioned Quidditch. Not only would he boast about his abilities as a Chaser, but he seemingly was a never-ending encyclopedia about Quidditch. It only worsened as November neared, the start of the new Quidditch season was approaching.

One time Y/N found herself stuck listening to him babble about Ireland winning the world cup for about thirty minutes. She didn’t have the heart to stop him, though. Nobody listened to his rants and he could hardly contain his excitement. How could she tell him she wasn’t interested?    

A monstrous smirk etched its way onto his face, “Caught me.”

“Be anymore of a predator would ya, Prongs?”

“Hey! That’s not the only reason why I like them. Did you forget their victory in 1953 against the Heidelberg Harriers? Their strategy was blood-fucking-brilliant. They’re legendary! My father was there to see it in person. Lucky bastard. He told me…”

His voice fades into the background as Y/N catches Remus’ eyes. A glint of mischief shined through them before he forced a fake pitiful smile. He mouthed a quick ��sorry’ to her before looping his arm around Peter’s shoulder, discreetly leaving James’ side and out of the classroom.

That sly, slippery bastard.  

"— and did I mention that their seeker was one of the most sought out —”

“Wait, James.”

He abruptly pauses, waiting patiently for her to continue. She leads them out into the corridor and towards the great hall. “Sorry, didn’t mean to cut you off like that, but when is my hair going back to normal?”

Y/N instantly regretted mentioning her hair. There was no trace of a smile on James. His shoulders slumped a bit and his walking even staggered. “Godric, I know, I know and I’m sorry. I thought it would have returned back to normal by now. I’ve been creating reversal spells — even started asking Moony to help.”

“Moony?”

“Remus.”

“Another one of your nicknames?”

“It’s not a nickname! It’s a brotherhood — a pack!”

“Oh, sorry Prongs,” she drawled, a sarcastic smile on her face, “If I didn’t know you I would assume you were an asshole.”

“What? How?!”

“You go around calling yourself a marauder, the king of Quidditch and now Prongs. Seems pretty assholely.”

James’ mouth opens before closing again, repeating the process several times.

“Plus, you pull silly pranks every day.”

He chuckles, “Oi! You helped us with that itching idea!”

Her eyebrows raised in acknowledgement, “Touché.”

To this, James shakes his head, directing the conversation back to the Holyhead Harpies. Inwardly, Y/N wanted to whack him with a broomstick.

They were among the first students to reach the Great Hall, aside from students who had a free or were excused early by Professor Binns. None of the girls were there yet. Unfortunately, Marlene was held back by Binns, so Y/N was left to sit beside James who sat opposite to Remus, Peter and Sirius.

She had been trying her best to avoid Sirius whenever she could. It was clear he didn’t like her. He never laughed whenever she made a joke, he hardly noticed her, he never praised her, even if she tried to compliment him. He was just rude for no apparent reason. The rest of the marauders and girls knew this, although they preferred not to comment about the obvious, strained relationship (which they didn’t even know the reason for. Granted, Y/N wasn't quite sure herself. Was it the rejection, he just didn't like her or is just an ass?).

Although, ignoring and avoiding him proved to be extremely challenging. Y/N was glued to Lily’s hip ever since the Sorting Ceremony. It also didn’t help that if you were with one marauder, another one was sure to follow. She and James started to spend more time with each other, and by extension, she was obligated to be around at least one other marauder. With the addition of study sessions with Remus, it was inevitable.

Surprisingly, Sirius hadn’t made any snarky remarks, excluding dirty looks, he was being… nice — nicer to her. The action was a stark contrast from his previous behaviour and she speculated a few reasons why:

Most likely, James or Lily, she assumed the former, said something to him. Since his little spat with James at breakfast a few weeks ago, Sirius was tight-lipped ever since.

Maybe he was done being a prick, deciding to stop by himself after realizing he was a prick.

Went through something personal, it stopped, and his behaviour improved.

Minutes after the bell rang, students began to trickle in for lunch. The comfortable chatter rose as Y/N finished eating an apple. Everyone seemed pleased when James’ Quidditch lecture was interrupted as hundreds of owls streamed in, packages and letters dropping into the laps of students. She hadn’t expected anything considering her owl, Celeste, didn’t drop anything off since the first week of October. However, today she fluttered down between the bread and fruit bowls, dropping off several letters and a small parcel onto Y/N’s plate, pecking at the bread crumbs on the table. She tore the letter open, inside it said:

Dear Y/N,  

Are you still having a hard time with Charms? If so, perhaps I find some textbooks and send them over.  

Don’t slack off this year. Send me a letter whenever you have the chance. (Make sure to tell Celeste to be quieter next time. You know I can, and never will get used to the owls.)  

Mom  

Her mother finally wrote to her. A sense of joy flooded her body as she placed the letter back down on the oak table. A part of her wondered if Celeste was dropping off her letters to the wrong house, the one back in Toronto as her mother never wrote back. She opened the next letter, immediately recognizing the messy scrawl:

October 19, 1975  

Y/N! I thought you replaced me with one of your brits, but a false alarm, your letters just take a while to arrive. Must be tiring for Celeste to travel to and from Scotland then America and back. You know, whenever people see her fly in, they still recognize her.  

Are you doing anything for Halloween? We’re throwing another dance. Going to be alone this year now that I can’t force you to come. I guess I’ll just watch half the school dry hump each other while I smuggle in firewhiskey.

How’s it going over there? I heard from a few students, even read in the papers about the war. It’s getting pretty crazy over here. Teachers have been meeting and trying to prevent students and parents from losing their shit. My mom has been worried too, writing to me like a lunatic and I’m not even in the UK. The MACUSA have been keeping quiet but they were caught having meetings with counsellors from the Ministry of Magic. Even heard that Jenkins is stepping down. If it keeps getting out of hand here, I can’t imagine what it must be like at Hogwarts. I truly thought the war was dying down, I was wrong. Keep your wand close. Surely, you’ll get away with a hex or two.

Until next time

Matthew G.  

So engrossed in her new environment, her old life slipped to the back of her mind. There was a detachment from her reality compared to the one at home. A pang of guilt hit her, swallowing her up from the inside out until another pang hit, loneliness. If she easily forgot everyone, would anyone remember her? None of her old friends, apart from Matthew, had made a move to contact her since she left.

Often thinking about writing them first, she had to remind herself if they wanted to, they would. Especially with the knowledge that people still recognized Celeste.

Was she forgettable and if so, was it karma for forgetting too?

It put a mechanical vice grip on her heart, applying just enough pressure to be a constant reminder. With every beat, it tightened more and more.

Looking around the table, she saw her peers huddle in groups, familiar laughter ringing throughout. So noisy, so taunting. She may have been friends with Lily, Dorcas, James or even Marlene, but they had their own friends. Friendships that had years to develop before she came. She had only known them for less than two months.

Forgettable.

How hilarious, she thought.

“Hey,” a gentle voice cooed into her ear, “Are you okay?”

She hummed back absentmindedly.

James wore a concerned expression, his eyes knitted together, one raised higher than the other like it always does when he was worried. The look he shot her suggested he wasn’t convinced, although he didn’t press; instead opting to stir the conversation. “So, who wrote to you?”

“A friend and my mom —”

A snort so loud that it caused the rest of the marauders, random onlookers and even Lily (who had a look of pure disgust on her face) turned towards them. “What did you say?”

“I got a few letters?”

“No!” He bellowed, “Who sent you them?”

“My friend and my mom —”

Nearly choking on his sandwich, James clutched his stomach laughing. Laughing so hard he has to grip the table to prevent falling off the hall bench. "Haha! Mom?! MOM?” He mocked in a poor American accent, “What the fuck is mom? It’s MUM. Bollocks!”

“We say vitamin.”

“It’s VIT-A-MIN! Who says VIGHT-A-MIN?” Without a pause, James presses his entire body onto her shoulder, smushing her before grabbing the letter her mother sent her. His eyes scanned across the pages before hitting a certain word. “Back home? Maple trees? Where did you use to live exactly?”

“Canada.”

“Canada?! You don’t mean those snowy gits?” At this, Peter and Remus snort under their breaths. Even Lily had to force down a smile.

Staring deadpanned at him, in an unamused voice, “Really?”

“You are a bundle of surprises! I thought you lived… I’m not sure. I assumed somewhere like New Hork.”

“York,” Lily corrects.

“Tomato, tomato,” he jokes, playfully batting his eyes at Lily before biting into his sandwich, “You do live in London, right?”

“Right.”

James takes a moment, letting the conversation die down before he quickly glances at Y/N again. An undecipherable expression crosses his face before it’s promptly replaced with elation, “I take back anything negative I’ve said about Canada. They have an amazing Quidditch rooster. Have you gone to any of their games?”

A low grumble of sighs follows at the mention of Quidditch from James. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus shake his head and sighed dejectedly.

“Nah, I’m a New-Maj, remember? My mom — “

“Mum —”

“ — sorry, Mum — hardly understands the wizarding world, let alone what Quidditch is.”

His eyes were wide, whimsical, as a hand flew to his chest dramatically, “Rubbish! Bloody ridiculous! You’ve never seen a real Quidditch game? One day, I swear I’ll bring you to one! Or you can bring me to Canada one day and we can watch a home game!”

As James continued to rant, Y/N’s mind slowly drifted back to the bitterness in her chest. Trying to distract herself, she borrowed Lily’s quill and a few sheets of parchment, scribbling down letters in response.

Mom,  

I’m fine with Charms, you don’t need to send anything. And don’t worry, I’ve been studying for my OWLs.  

Love you, write soon.

The next letter was addressed to Matthew:

Matty Matt,

Of course, I didn’t replace you… yet. 

Another dance? You would think the students’ protest last year would have influenced the professors this time. I guess it’s time for you to get wasted. I didn’t tell you last time but I think I’m going to a party. A friend of mine is throwing it and I know he’s going to force me to come no matter what. He briefly mentioned costumes and drinks. Plus, there’s going to be some kind of prank that I may or may have not been a part of? Sounds cool right?  

Yeah, I’d say it’s been bad up here. I don’t know much about what's going on outside of school, though. The professors are hiding it well. I didn’t even hear about Jenkins stepping down. Keep me updated.  

Until next time  

She sealed the letters before sending Celeste off again, “Be quieter when you drop off the letters, yeah?”

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

It must be her lucky day.

The ringing of the bell went off, signalling the end of class. Professor Flitwick asked the students to stay behind so he could hand out quizzes the students completed on Monday in preparation for their upcoming test on Growth and Reductor charms the following Tuesday.

It was never a good sign when a professor flips your test over to prevent other students from seeing their mark. Flipping it over at a downwards angle, Flitwick handed Y/N her quiz.

Turning it over nervously, a tight coil formed in the pit of her stomach. A large P was plastered on the top right corner in bold red ink. She studied hard for this too. Angrily, she shoved her work into her bag and left the class. This was the third poor she'd gotten in a row. She should have told her mother she needed those Charm books.

“I swear I’m going mad! Her brother is a complete cow! He even — are you listening?”

She looks at the girl beside her, Marlene. Her glossed over, doe eyes must have served as an answer before the blonde shook her head.

“Sorry, distracted,” she mumbles, before forcing out a fake-happy tone, “Continue your story! I wanna hear!”

“Hey,” Marlene says in a softer voice, “If something’s bothering you, you can talk about it.”

“No, it’s okay,” she replies instinctively. She felt bad spacing out during Marlene’s story but her mind was running through and under hoops. The last thing any fifth year student needed was to fall behind in their classes, let alone feeling like nobody cared about them.

At that moment, she wished she was wrapped away in red and gold blankets to wallow in her self-pity party, away from prying eyes. She could feel the burning sensations of tears building up.

Dammit.

Y/N looked out the window to her left. The sky was melting with the warm hues of reds and yellows while the other half was being slowly engulfed into a cloak of twilight. Even from here, she could feel the cool air seeping in from the windows making her tug on the sleeves of her robes.

She continued, “I’m just tired — been a long day. I’m going to take a nap before dinner. See you.”

Judging by the look on Marlene and Lily’s face, guilt riddles her body. They both look sympathetic. The pity only made Y/N feel disgusting. In all honesty, Y/N will care later. Right now wasn’t the time and she desperately needed some shut-eye.

Before she left the room, she overheard them talking.

“What’s up with her?”

“Dunno.”

Great.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Sleep did little to ease her thoughts.

The same uneasiness she felt on the train ride to Hogwarts settled deep into her bones again. She thought she was past this. The worrying about friends, missing home, feeling alone, failing class, stressing about her future. The rational part of her brain knew it was just one silly quiz (and old shitty friends), but knowing herself, if she were to continue to have this mindset, she would only fail in the end.

Dinner ended and Y/N belligerently climbed up the stairs towards the library to attend today’s study session. The Charms quiz threw her into a loop and it was better not to dwell on it, opting to rather use her time for something useful.

Her marks improved significantly since she attended her first session two weeks ago. The last couple of assignments and quizzes she handed in that she worked on during the groups were some of her best work, ever. Additionally, her ability to retain information was improving at astonishing rates and she found herself participating in lessons more often. Unfortunately, she started to doubt her abilities again.

There weren’t as many students as usual. Perhaps it was because of the Quidditch meeting for all teams tonight, or because nobody wanted to spend their time in a library Friday night. She assumed it was the latter.

Although, the same student with black hair from Slytherin was there; tucked away in his usual corner. He was always there. Whether it was the study sessions, another OWL or NEWT student or he simply just enjoyed the library, Y/N could always rely on him sitting there in his little nook.

In the far back, surrounded by tall bookshelves sat Remus. Another student, a first or second year, judging by their height, seemed to be asking him a question, rapidly writing down something on a piece of parchment whilst they walked away. Remus leaned back in the brown chair, his right leg was folded over the other as he stretched.

She spent over twelve hours minimum with Remus directly since the first session, minus the time he was around James and the girls. Perhaps she only started to notice afterwards but she swore Remus wasn’t around this much before. Now, he was everywhere.

In the past couple of weeks she’d gotten to know him, she made a mental list in her head of him:

1. Remus loves sweaters. They weren’t flashy, seemingly preferring to wear ones with small designs, stripes or a solid colour. He wore green the most. He also wore cardigans. Two, in particular, he wore the most; one was white and the other was a muted brown. They were big and hung off his loose frame, the pockets were often stuffed with books, rumpled parchment and his wand.

2. He’s a coffee addict. He drank it in the morning, the afternoon, at the study session and sometimes with meals at dinner. He loved to dump pounds of sugar, so if he only drank black coffee, it usually meant he was in a bad mood. James even joked that he became Sirius whenever he drank black coffee, because haha! Get it? It’s BLACK coffee!

3. He frequented the library whenever he wasn’t with the rest of the marauders. He enjoyed poetry, wrote post-it notes after post-it notes to annotate his favourite parts. He even slept there from time to time, not without having to persuade Pince to not give him detention.

As if Remus magically sensed her, he took a large inhale before he stopped stretching, opening his eyes to look at her. A small smile was plastered on each other’s faces. He stuck up a few fingers to wave at her, motioning her to come over.

“Hi Y/N. I thought you didn’t come on Fridays?”

“I don’t but I have a test, Charms, Tuesday.”

“Oh, well I’m happy to help.”

“Thanks for the offer, Professor Lupin, but just being down here will help me focus.”

A scarlet blush settled on his face at the mention of his tutoring. “Well come sit with me then.”

Pushing the chair out of the way, she sat down beside him, pulling out her cassette player and earbuds along with her notes. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus staring at the player curiously.

“Do you want to listen?”

“If you don't mind. I didn’t know you could use these here.” Picking it up, he turned the rectangular device.

“If record players work here, why not this?”

She hands him an earbud, alongside a small collection of other tapes she had on hand.

“Choose whatever you want to listen to.”

Without much thought, he pressed the play button. The upbeat tune of Waterloo by ABBA trickled into their ears. Y/N bobbed her head up and down before the song was suddenly stopped.

A sour grimace sat on Remus’ face before their eyes met, his nose upturned slightly.

“Why’d you stop it?”

“I hate ABBA.”

“What!?”

“I just don’t like their cheesy disco-pop-esk sound. They sound generic and random words are thrown in when they don’t add to the song.”

“Jeez— never met anyone who hated them that much.”

A ghost of a smile appeared before he flicked through her collection of tapes. He picked up Abbey Road by The Beatles. Opening the player up, he slid out Waterloo. With a click and the press of a button, Come Together played.

“So you hate ABBA but not The Beatles? Benny and Bjorn said they were influenced by them!”

“Keyword: Influenced; which is just another word for a shitty knock-off version.”  

4. Remus Lupin is apparently a music snob.

“Well, I think both are good.”

“Respectfully, I disagree with you.”

“Whatever you say, professor.”  

"I've been thinking a bit, why did you come to Hogwarts? Why not just stay at your old school?"

The sudden switch of topics threw her into a loop. “Wasn’t by choice. My mom’s a doctor and got a position here. It was too good to turn down. But it’s not bad. There’s less wizarding laws.”

He nods his head, "I'm assuming you have dual citizenship?"

"Mhm."

About a half an hour passed as she sighed for the umpteenth time before putting down her quill. Her chair scraped back noisily as Y/N’s hand balled up into a tight fist, feeling her fingernails bite into her palm. She’d been flicking through her notes, the words all blended.

At this rate, if History of Magic didn’t exist, Charms would surely be her least favourite class.

“Are you sure you don’t need help?”

She was at a loss, this was the third time Remus had offered to help and he was persistent. She felt horrible that she was taking up his time to help her on a stupid Charms test.

He continued, “If you think bothering me is an issue, it’s not. I run the sessions on Friday. It’s my job.”

“Fine, but there has to be something I can do in return.”

“Hmm,” Remus pondered for a second, “How about this, I tutor you in Charms and in return you give me your Potions notes? I'm dreadful at it.”

“Deal.”

“Great. Before we start, is there anything in particular that you have questions on?”

Silently tapping on the quiz she received today, Remus snatched it and quickly scanned over her answers and Professor Flitwick’s notes.

“I see what happened. You know, the curriculum taught at Ilvermorny is different. That’s probably why you can’t understand some of this shit.” He cleared his throat, “So as we know, the growth charm increases the size of your intended target…”

His voice, like a light switch, changed instantly. Instead of his softer deep, raspier voice, it became commanding and steady. He never stumbled over his words and articulated his points elegantly. She found herself enraptured by him, understanding why he was in charge of the study groups.

Eventually, Remus takes a pause, “Does that make sense?”

“Yes. You know, you’re really good at this. No matter how much I asked Flitwick or even Lily I could never get it.”

A large blush bloomed on the apples of his cheeks before he shyly rubbed the back of his neck, averting his eyes. “I’m not that good.”

“No time for modesty, Professor Lupin!”

“Okay, okay! So here, do you see what went wrong? There would be a reaction with those two spells if —”

A boy, small, most likely a second year, stood at the foot of the shared table holding a large red and gold book. His hair, dark ginger, similar to Lily’s, was cut short. He fiddled with his fingers as he continued to stare at the two.

“... Um, hi. You're Remus — right?”

“Yup. Did you need help with something?”

“Yes! I’m having trouble with the Transfiguration spell, beetle into button.”

A look of understanding passed through his face before Remus turns to look at her, “Duty calls. It’ll be quick.”

“Of course, take your time.”

It was not quick. Understandably, very few were successful at the ginger’s age to perform the spell, but thirty minutes passed and the second year still didn’t understand the basic concepts. No matter how many times Remus had reiterated his point differently, the boy couldn’t retain it.

“I just don’t get it.”

“You learned this last year, it's a quick revision. I’m not sure what part you’re talking about. Look, do not wiggle or twirl your wand left, direct it towards the right. You have to picture the spell in your head before saying the incantation.”

He guided the boy's hand steadily before performing the spell himself.

“I don’t understand!” The boy whined.

He sighed, “Then we keep trying —”

“It’s too hard. Why are they teaching this crap anyway?”

“Could you stop complaining?” He snapped, closing his eyes before he realized what he’d just done. “I’m sorry about that. I’m… just tired. I can’t help you anymore, though. You should ask someone else,” Remus said brusquely, his eyes unnerving as he stared at the child. As a result, he yelped out a ‘thank you,’ rushing off in the opposite direction.

The muscles in his jaw tensed under the soft glow of the table lamps. There was a pale red tint rimming his eyes and he looked visibly paler than normal. Irritated, he bounced his knee rapidly, up and down, before looking out the large window beside them. The sky was mostly cloudy. Only the peak of the silvery moon appeared. A sliver was missing before it was fully complete.

He closed his eyes, before breathing in. His posture once stiffened, completely relaxed before a flimsy smile reappeared on his face, returning his attention to Y/N.

“Let’s continue, shall we?”

“If you’re tired we can stop.”

“No, s’okay. I’m fine — really.”

She chewed the inside of her cheek, adding to her list:

5. Remus was always so hard to read.

[omgrachwrites]

The Book of Love - Chapter One

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Ravenclaw!Reader

Summary: After a breakup leaves you heartbroken and miserable, things start to change for the better when you begin exchanging notes in a library book with a mystery boy.

Warnings: lil bit of angst, fluff, lil bit of swearing, Sirius being the best friend ever, Remus being adorable

Words: 2362

Disclaimer: This gif doesn’t belong to me!

A/N: This is for @hp-imagines-07 writing challenge so I hope you all enjoy! I wanted to add more friendship in this to go along with the romance which is why the first part of this chapter focuses on Sirius’ and Y/N’s friendship so I hope that’s okay! Please let me know what you think and if you would like to be tagged, I love you all! xxx

Chapter One

The beautiful summer’s day had started out perfectly, you and your family were staying at your grandmother’s estate over the summer holiday. Your grandmother owned a good few acres of land, meaning that you could have your space if you needed it. That morning you had been mesmerized by the way that the sun rose in the sky, all pink and beautiful, casting a blush of magic over all the land, as far as the eye could see.

Though, that beauty and wonder all seemed to be distant memories now as you stared at the front page of The Daily Prophet like you had been doing for the last few hours. Rage and sadness filled your chest like an inferno. What had you done to deserve this? Blinking away angry tears, you ripped off the front page of the newspaper that read, ‘Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black announce their surprise engagement,’ and you crumpled it up into a ball as you stalked across the lush green lawn.

You finally let out a deep breath, one that you hadn’t realised you had been holding in as you leaned against the white marquee and you tried to concentrate on the sweet smell of the honeysuckle and the cheerful song of the lark. You were startled when you heard a loud crack from across the lawn and you glanced up to see it was your childhood best friend and he was walking towards you with a look of sympathy on his face. Sighing you quickly wiped your eyes, you didn’t want or need his sympathy and you certainly didn’t want him to see you cry.

“What the hell are you doing here Sirius?” you asked, your tone was sharp and defensive as you wrapped your arms around yourself.

An expression of polite surprise flitted its way across his features before his face was transformed with a smirk, “well, you see, I knew you were staying here so I apparated, took my test early you know,” you gave him a sharp look and he sighed, holding his hands up in defence, “I came to see if you were okay. Considering my cousin is now engaged to your ex-boyfriend,” he wrapped his arm around your shoulders.

You sighed as you smiled at him gratefully and you rested your head against his chest, “at least I know why he dumped me at the start of summer,” you shrugged, you had been staring at that front page for hours and you now felt quite numb, “I should have known something was wrong but I guess he wanted to know what it was like to go out with someone who was never good enough for him.”

Sirius tutted at your words and he shook his head incredously at you, “how can you think that way Y/N? You were way too good for that slime ball.”

You giggled at your friend’s words and smiled at him before you closed your eyes and basked in the warm sunshine, “honestly, I’m more annoyed that Narcissa would do this to me, I mean, I know that we weren’t best friends but we were at least friends.”

Sirius’ fingers toyed with the ends of your hair, “you know that you can hang around with me and my friends anytime you want don’t you? Lily and Alice really like you and I know they would love it if another girl joined our group. My friends like you for some crazy unknown reason,” he joked and you pushed at his shoulder, shooting him a death glare.

“Shut it! Otherwise, I’ll hex you and damage that pretty face; I’m a delight to be around,” you smirked, “but really, thank you Sirius. I really do appreciate it but I don’t want to impose.”

Sirius frowned at your words before he shook his head, “Y/N, you’re my best friend, don’t tell James that I just said that,” he chuckled, “you could never impose.”

You felt a sudden wash of affection for Sirius as you beamed and gave him a quick hug, “thank you,” you mumbled against his chest before pulling away, “so how are you?”

Sirius grinned as he shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets, “I’m good, really I am now that I don’t live with my mum and dad anymore.”

You nodded understandingly, you knew just how much heartache and torture that he’d endured in that dark house, “you never have to go back there Sirius. Now,” you smiled, clapping your hands, “do you want to stay for dinner?” you asked as you walked up towards the house.

“Ah yes, my ulterior motive for coming to see you,” he smirked, throwing his arm around your shoulders, “as long as your grandmother doesn’t try and set us up again.”

You made a face at his words and you gagged, it was true enough that Sirius had devastatingly good looks but there had only ever been friendship between the two of you and you both liked it that way, “no offense but you’re like my brother.”

“I completely agree and besides if I made a move on you, Remus would never forgive me.”

You weren’t looking at Sirius but you could just hear the smirk in his voice. You frowned and cocked your head to the side as you thought of the handsome boy with the tousled hair and the stars in his eyes. Remus was one of Sirius’ best friends but you had never seen him as anything more than that, he was an absolute sweetheart though. Besides, after Lucius you didn’t really want to jump into anything with anyone just yet, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone. Though, you did crave the romance.

“You’re so full of shit!” you laughed loudly and pushed him so hard that he stumbled. It was a relief when you walked into the cool house that was alive with so many amazing smells. Sirius sniffed the air with a look of appreciation, “we have a guest over for dinner guys!” you grinned as you pulled Sirius into the kitchen.

He hung back sheepishly, looking uncharacteristically shy but your mother beamed when she saw him, “it’s so lovely to see you Sirius!” she enveloped him into a warm hug and you noticed that Sirius returned the hug just as tight. You all knew that he hadn’t had a lot of motherly hugs.

“Good to see you again son,” your father smiled, the edges of his eyes crinkling as he shook Sirius’ hand.

“Thank you so much for having me,” Sirius grinned.

Your grandmother had been watching this whole interaction with a wicked smirk on her face, “yes welcome Sirius, and please make yourself at home. Who knows, you two might be coming up here alone in years to come.”

Groaning internally, you rolled your eyes and exchanged an amused look with Sirius, “we’re just friends Grandma.”

Your grandmother shrugged, “you can’t crush an old woman’s dream my dear,” she smiled at the both of you before she resume cooking.

Dinner that evening was a joyful occasion; it always was when you were staying with your grandmother. There was lots of laughter and beaming smiles, the only downside was the fact that your parents wouldn’t let you or Sirius try any of the Fire Whiskey. But you were sure that when you got back to school, Sirius would work his charm on the barmaid in The Three Broomsticks and you were be able to procure some.

Ever since you and Sirius were children your parents always treated Sirius with warmth and they had always made him feel like part of the family, and for that you were very grateful. After dessert you gave Sirius a hug as he stood on the doorstep, “I’ll see you at school, thank you for coming to see if I was okay.”

Sirius grinned as he smoothed your hair down, “you’re very welcome, I know that you’d do the same for me, thank you for having me around for dinner,” he hesitated, “think about what I said about Remus, not for me but for yourself. You deserve happiness Y/N and Remus is a great guy.”

You smiled lightly at him, “goodnight Sirius.”

Sirius nodded in understanding but you couldn’t miss the look of disappointment on his face as he turned to leave. You didn’t want to tell Sirius that you weren’t looking to get caught up with anyone. You had always been hopeless in love, perhaps that was why you craved the romance, you craved every part of it like something out of a fairy tale. Though, unbeknownst to you, fate worked in mysterious ways.

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Remus had sorely missed this, he had missed the hustle and bustle of the magical world, there were hundreds of magical children filling up the platform and he noticed that most of them seemed to be in little huddled groups. There were all whispering about something and they were all looking in the same direction. With a raised eyebrow Remus’ hazel eyes followed their gaze but he didn’t find anything out of the ordinary. He finally found his friends and greeted them with a grin as they began to walk the length of the platform.

“I think that Y/N is going to be hanging round with us more this year,” Sirius said and almost instantly Remus felt heat travel up from his toes and settled on his cheeks, his whole body felt hot and his insides had turned to mush. He had had a crush on Y/N since their third year but he’d never really worked up the courage to talk to her properly.

Lily let out a sigh of relief as she combed her fingers through her long red hair, “that’s great, I really like Y/N. Don’t you Remus?” Lily smirked over at him and he glared back at her, his cheeks felt like they were on fire.

“Yeah o-of course I like her. How come she’ll be spending more time with us?”                    

James raised an eyebrow as he leaned over Sirius to look at Remus, “you did see the newspaper right?”

Remus sighed as he nodded, “yeah I saw it,” the guy she had been dating last term was now engaged to someone who used to be her friend. He couldn’t imagine how sad and angry she felt.

“You’re so full of shit Malfoy; I can’t believe you’d do this!” Remus glanced up as he heard the angry voice and he saw Y/N talking to Lucius Malfoy.

She looked beautiful – but so sad – as she shook her head, turning away from Lucius, still looking over her shoulder at him. She walked right into Remus’ chest and she gasped as she dropped her book on the tarmac. Remus smiled and reached out his hands to steady her.

“Remus, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going, and I should have been,” she flushed and looked up at him with a small smile.

Remus grinned as he shook his head, “honestly, don’t worry about it Y/N,” he bent down to pick her book up and he smiled when he saw the front cover, “The Fellowship of the Ring? The Lord of the Rings is my favourite book series,” he chuckled as he held out her book.

“Thank you,” Y/N smiled as she took the book from him, “it was difficult to get into but I really like it so far,” she smiled with a nod. Her smile was so beautiful that for once, Remus was lost for words and all he could do was smile back.

“So, Y/N. Do you want to sit with us?” Y/N’s eyes tore away from Remus’ face as she looked at Lily who looked very excited. She looked like Christmas had come early.

“That would be amazing, thank you Lily,” she flushed and Lily took her hand in hers, smiling at her.

“You’re welcome; Alice and I could really use another girl in our group. We are overrun by testosterone,” Lily smirked over at her boyfriend who gasped and looked scandalized.

“How dare you?” Frank, Alice’s boyfriend gasped playfully, making everyone laugh as they boarded the train.

Peter groaned quietly as he folded his arms, “please don’t spend hours talking about shopping and boys or whatever. I don’t think that I could take it.”

Remus sighed and closed his eyes, massaging his temples as he took in Peter’s clumsy words. He knew that Peter had the tendency to word vomit when he was nervous but it didn’t make this any less embarrassing.

All three girls gave Peter a hard look before Alice spoke up, “is that seriously what you think girls talk about?”

“Jeez, Pete,” Sirius chuckled, trying to relieve some of the tension as they all found an empty compartment.

For the first couple of hours the compartment was impossibly noisy as the friends played Exploding Snap. Y/N’s fingers brushed against Remus’ as they both reached for a card at the same time. At her touch, goose bumps erupted on Remus’ arms, when Y/N smiled at him gently he had to wonder if she felt it too.

Soon enough, the game grew boring and the compartment grew quiet as the train started to travel through wilder parts of the country. Sirius, James and Peter were concocting a new prank while Lily and Alice were talking about their next Hogsmeade trip and Frank was snoring loudly in the corner. Y/N seemed to be engrossed in her book and Remus took this time to watch her, he watched the shadows that her thick eyelashes made on her cheeks and he watched the way her lips moved silently as she read the words on the page.

Almost as if she could feel Remus’ eyes on her, she glanced up to meet his eyes and raised her eyebrow with the ghost of a smirk on her face. Remus’ heart plummeted in his chest, feeling caught out, all he could do was manage a small smile. Y/N smiled back before going back to her book and Remus let out a slow breath. It was then that he made the decision to be brave and try to get to know her this year.

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@smiithys @hp-imagines-07 @pregnant-piggy @reylo-hope @unexpectedurl @siriusblackspam​

[smileyjily]

A Series of (In)Decent Proposals

Chapter 12: The One with the Strawberry Cake

Summary: Throughout the course of their lives, James would ask Lily to marry him many times. A 14-part series, consisting of 13 no’s and 1 very jubilant yes.

Set in The Bet universe, but works as a canon piece as well.

Word count: 1,515

ao3/ffnet

May 1, 1979

There was nothing extraordinary about the safehouse in Ipswich. Having sought safety in seven since the start of her career as an anti-revolutionary, Lily could attest that there was nothing remarkable in regards to its size – a three bedroom structure with an unfinished basement that let in the brisk night air – or its history – a pre-war structure that had survived the air raids unscathed. Nothing at all to distinguish it from the three dozen refuges the Order employed.

Except the inoffensive, even unassuming house remained Lily’s least favorite safehouse by far.

Conveniently located between London and Thetford Forest, where the North Suffolk werewolves collected, the Ipswich safehouse saw more traffic, and frantic, often screaming traffic at that, than any other. In the six days since Lily and James had taken up residence in the East-facing bedroom, Lily had not known a moment’s peace.

For the dozenth time that night, Lily rolled over in a bid to get comfortable. She deliberately mashed her ear into a pillow in the hopes to lessen the impact of the next, inevitable disruption. Beside her, James snored. Years of rooming with Sirius and his screaming nightmares had inoculated James against noise in the night. He would spring up in the morning, put on his glasses, and face the day as energetic as a kindergartner returning to school after Christmas Hols. Meanwhile, Lily wondered if there was a point at which dark circles became permanent.

Peck. Peck. Peck.

That would be an owl with no doubt urgent correspondence. Lily guessed it was outside the kitchen window. No need for her to react.

Eliza Clarke was on call that night, the only other semi-permanent resident of the safehouse. In the Order, it was common to stay at a safehouse for only a matter of nights before moving on, always some new emergency to circumvent. Jones had been settled in the house for a practically unheard of three months. Clarke was one of the best healers in the Order, and the third bedroom was essentially a sickroom for whoever had been cursed most recently. Lily and James would need to leave soon to make room for the next felled soldier. The full moon was around the corner, and Lily suspected it would be Remus.

Lily heard the creak of a bedroom door. As she expected, Clarke crept to the kitchen to answer the persistent owl. Slippers cloaked most of her footfalls, but there was no stopping the squeal of the bottom step.

Almost silence lingered in the room. Nothing to hear but James’ little breathy snores. Lily and James had shared a bed nearly a thousand times, so James’ sleep sounds made up the melody of Lily’s favorite lullaby. She drifted into a dose, no thought staying long enough at the front of her brain to fully formulate. It all just slipped away, and Lily was happy to follow.

Woosh!

“Anyone there? Present yourself?”

The floo. Mad-Eye.

Lily’s brain supplied the answers before her mind had finished asking the question. They were expecting Mad-Eye in the morning. He was to deliver their next assignment. If history served, it would be either to take advantage of Lily’s potioneering or James’ reckless disregard for his own life and limb. He made an unsettlingly good soldier.

With her sleep already out of reach, Lily sat up. Better to get it out of the way. With any luck, Mad-Eye’s orders would take her and James far from Ipswich.

Lily deftly ignored the bright panic that always accompanied new orders. They hadn’t separated James from her yet.

As suddenly as the voices downstairs had started up, they stopped. The floo roared and fell silent. If Lily strained, she could make out the familiar crackle of a hearth fire, nothing magical about it.

Lily flopped back onto her stack of pillows. Maybe Mad-Eye had stopped by to relay something unrelated to them, for Clarke’s ears only. Maybe he’d been pulled away by something innocent but pressing…a drunken colleague or a scandalous love confession. Alright, most likely someone was dead or maimed or cursed or about to be dead or maimed or cursed. Wasn’t that always the case?

Lily hadn’t heard word from Marlene in two months.

Any downstairs disturbance would have been preferable to where Lily’s mind went then. Staring up at the ceiling, Lily couldn’t see anything to distract her in the dark. The war had her yearning for a nightlight, those childhood promises of protection from monsters that turned out to be very very real.

“Soon. Soon.”

The words were spoken into her shoulder, half-slurred with sleep.

“What’s soon, James?”

Lily rolled onto her side to look at him. His eyes stayed shut, breathing even.

“I’ll take you home soon.”

“Where is home?”

Whispering the words broke her heart. She’d called Cokeworth home for eleven years, Hogwarts for another seven. The Potter Estate had been a home the first time she visited, but since the funeral, it had become a museum to the dead, a container for all of James’ grief that he couldn’t carry with him into the war if he didn’t want to end up joining his parents in death. Truthfully, when the parade of safehouses came to an end, Lily didn’t know where they would go.

“Home is…with you,” James murmured.

He then snored so loudly that he choked on it.

Honestly, the whole Order could have apparated into the room and James would have kept on dreaming. It wasn’t the first time he’d spoken in his sleep. At times, James was capable of complex conversation, like coaching a pretend Quidditch match or firing off one of his prized puns. Normally, he just mumbled about the symbols that made up his dreamscape, something to the tune of, “Fish on bicycles grooming the manticores,” followed by more snoring.

Lily thought it was somehow sweeter that James was dreaming of a home with her, rather than actively trying to deliver reassurances. Her anxiety didn’t soften, but her heart did.

“My home is with you, too,” Lily said, even if he wouldn’t process the words in his sleep.

James smiled like maybe he did.

Lily took a moment to trace the lines of his face with her eyes. The shadows couldn’t conceal from her what she could recall so well from memory: the scar at his temple from a nasty fall down a moving staircase, the encroaching laugh lines earned early from a lifetime of hilarity, the supple lower lip that swelled when she sucked on it.

That very lip quivered as James started speaking again, “Going to marry you. Marry you in a wedding. There will be cake.”

Lily’s face broke into a smile. “Cake, huh? Let’s reach for the stars and have ice cream, too.”

“Yummy.”

He wouldn’t remember a minute of it come morning, one nondescript night of good sleep fading into the next. But she would. Most days, Lily felt like she had nothing left to give. But, like she was a wet rag, James could always wring just one last drop out of her. With a smile, a joke, a word of encouragement, somehow James would make her feel like the girl she once was, and that was all she needed to keep fighting. He was her safehouse.

“James, next time you ask me to marry you, I’m going to say yes. I’ll say yes and kiss you until we both can’t breathe. Until we both forget everything about this year from hell. Until it’s just me and you. Because it will always be me and you,” Lily murmured. “I honestly can’t wait.”

“Hmm, sounds nice,” James agreed.

Lily placed a kiss on the smooth skin of his brow, marveling at how little tension lay there when he slept. Where did he keep his worries? He was the most beautiful man she’d ever known.

“Lily?”

“Yes, love?”

“Can it be a strawberry cake?”

A bang from downstairs – the front door – was followed by a cacophony of shouting voices. From the din, Lily caught something about a raid on a Death Eater hold out in Colchester. Lily immediately flung off the duvet and prepared to race downstairs. The floor was cold beneath her bare feet, but she wouldn’t have time to hunt down a pair of slippers. She always slept in something decent now, too afraid of nighttime interruptions, so no need to throw on a robe.

Wondrously, a smatter of laughter rose from their new guests. That meant there’d be wounded – there were always wounded – but no dead. A good day.

Hand on the doorknob, Lily turned back to James, still sleeping on his side like nothing had changed. Lily wanted to give him every comfort that had been denied them the last year, including a few more hours of uninterrupted sleep.

“Yes, James. You’ll feast on strawberry cake,” Lily promised before slipping out the door.

And the next day, even though Lily had stayed up all night helping Clarke tend to the wounded, she still found time to bake one perfect strawberry cake.

She was James’ refuge, too.