#and maddie always making sure it had feed in it because she knows how much buck loves it 🥺

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

Strawberries and Cream

Paring: Eddie Diaz x Reader

Word count: 6.2k

Notes: LEAVE ME ALONE ITS CALLED MOVIE MAGIC

P.S I honestly couldn't have continued this story without you two @chihard20 @idkimjusthere100 thank you for helping me with this

Episode 10: How Can I Breathe Without You

Buck slams the full food container into the trash as he comes into the studio. He runs his hands through his hair, tugging at the ends

And then he screams. 

He throws a full-on tantrum, screaming his head off and stomping his feet, knocking over the trash can and dropping to the floor, sobbing into his hands.

Eddie hasn’t eaten 

Eddie hasn’t showered 

Eddie hasn’t shaved 

Eddie hasn’t moved 

He’s doing the shittiest job at being “world’s best friend” You’d kill him if he didn’t take care of Eddie, he knows you would. You’d kill Eddie for not taking care of Eddie. 

And he tries to tell Buck, with a little smile on his face that he’s okay, that he’s “perfectly fine buddy” but he’s just not 

God stupid Eddie. He never just accepts help. 

Tommy gets on his knees and starts cleaning up the trash, he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t look at him. He just quietly starts cleaning up. 

“Were you gonna tell me you were here or was I just supposed to find out when you came to clean up my mess and scared the shit out of me”

“I’m not cleaning that one up” 

Buck lets his head fall back, laughing as tears stream down the sides of his face and Tommy smiles, shaking his head. Buck gets up from the floor and runs his hands through his hair again 

“That can wait I’ll- I’ll clean it later” 

“Hey don’t worry I got it” 

“Please. Just- wash your hands. Please, I want to go lay down” Buck's voice wavers a bit and Tommy looks back at him, pushing slowly off the floor 

“Alright, I’ll be up in a minute” 

Buck knows you’d be screaming, if you caught them that is, Tommy's arms wrapped tightly around him as he sniffles into his chest. Of course, this moment wouldn’t really be happening if you were awake. 

Tommy had stayed at Bucks place every day since you’d been in the hospital. Buck didn’t really want to be alone… and sure he lives alone but, but you’re just always there now and Maddie had been hanging out a bit more lately too and everyone was so happy and- 

“You’re thinking too much,” Tommy says softly, kissing Buck’s forehead “Which is rare for you” he jokes, and Buck smiles a little while rolling his eyes

“I miss her. I went so long not seeing her… I regret not staying in touch better. We talked but… it wasn’t often you know. I should have taken care of her. I love her, Tommy… she’s my little sister” 

“She’s not dead Evan. The Doctor said she’d be waking up any day now”

“He said that a week ago” Buck scoffs and Tommy pulls back to look at him 

“She’s not dead. And she’s not going to die.” 

His voice is so firm and so final that Buck can’t help but let it feed that tiny little flame of hope that had been long dwindling. He can feel his chest warm up again, heartbeat spreading through his body as Tommy strokes his hair, placing another lingering kiss on his forehead… or he’s just blushing 

“Do you want to come with me to see her today?” Buck asks, toying with Tommy’s shirt 

“I’d love to, you can read to her again. I think she likes when you do that”

“She did when we were kids, I’d make all the funny voices for her” He laughs a little, sniffling as tears start to fall “Maybe I’ll go buy like a fuckin Geronimo Stilton book. We loved those” 

“Why wait? Let’s go buy her a whole damn set” Tommy pulls away from Buck, getting out of bed and holding his hand out 

“We’ll get her the books, get some food for Eddie that I will be force-feeding him and you can read to her” 

Buck takes his hand and pulls him from the bed, pulling him close to his chest and hugging him tightly 

“It’s gonna be okay Evan. No matter what happens, I’ll be here for you okay?” 

“Okay”

Tommy drives him to Half Price because Buck knows you’d prefer he got a bargain on them if he was gonna spend that much money (Tommy spends the money, but he refuses to let Buck pay). He buys all your old favorites and even a few of the newer ones he thinks look cute. He comes away with 23 Geronimo Stilton books, the entire Divergent series, and the first book of Ice Planet Barbarians. Tommy stares at it as he holds the pile and Buck shrugs 

“It’ll make her laugh” 

Maddie’s taken a leave of absence. 

Chimney made her, coming to her two weeks after what happened and practically begging her. 

“You’re running yourself ragged, between work and then the hospital after? I’m worried about the baby, I’m worried about you”

“I’ll be okay Chim, honestly” She smiles at him but he knows her, and loves her. 

“No, you won’t be. We can’t do this Maddie you need to slow down, you need to take a break. Please Y/N will be crushed if anything happens to the baby because of her” 

“Because of her?? Are you seriously blaming her??” She raises her voice, and he knows she just needs someone to be mad at, she doesn’t mean it.

“You know what I mean Maddie. You need to take a break!” 

“What I’m just supposed to give up on my cousin?? My little sister??” 

“No, of course not. But she’d be heartbroken if anyth-“

“Nothing is going to happen to my baby. I’m perfectly capable of handling this!” 

“Your baby?” He blinks, and she stops, putting her hands down on the counter in front of her, not saying a thing. He nods his head slowly, looking away from her 

“I need to get to work” 

“Howie-“

He walks past her, giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek, and leaves 

She comes and sees you every day, Eddie is there, stretched out on the lounge they have there for patients and visitors. He’s looking rough, like really rough. She tries to make him go home, to rest up, take a shower get something to eat 

But he just kisses her cheek and says he’s fine there. He cleans himself up in the bathroom when he needs to he’s fine

She hates seeing what he’s doing to himself but isn’t she doing the same practically? She sits by your bedside, telling you about her day, making Eddie cover his ears when she talks about problems with Chim. 

She’s not been eating much lately, she’s sleeping a lot more… the baby is due so soon. What if you’re not there for it? How can they celebrate the birth of the baby when you’re missing? 

“She’s gonna be there,” Eddie says one day after he wakes up from a nap. He listens to Maddie for a little bit, expressing her growing frustrations and sadness, especially with herself

“She’d never miss this, she’ll be there Mads. Chimney is right, you need a break”

“I yelled at him… I- I shouldn’t have. I know he’s right, you’re both right.”She runs her hands through her hair, letting her tears fall 

“I just need her to wake up”

She comes home that night and makes him dinner, okay she didn’t exactly make it but he loves In n out and he hadn’t had it in a while, but she set it out on the table with a little candle!! 

He comes in, pretty late. Tossing his bag on the floor and slipping his shoes off. 

“Hey,” She says softly and he looks up, smiling slowly and walking over 

“Hey” He kisses her head and pulls out his chair, sitting next to her 

“What’s this huh?” He smirks and she takes his hand, kissing it softly 

“Our baby had a craving” 

He looks at her, cupping his hands around hers and she smiles, putting her forehead against their hands 

“I do love Y/N Maddie. But you, and the baby? Are my priorities”

“I know” 

“I could have said it nicer”

“No, no don’t do that” She sniffles a little and looks up at him “I knew what you meant I just- I lost my temper. You were right. Today was my last day, I started my maternity leave early…” 

“Thank you, Maddie,” He says sincerely, getting up from his seat and wrapping his arms tightly around her. 

“It’s gonna work out, you’ll see” 

Hen finally stops blaming herself, after Karen threatens to leave her and go stay in a hotel for a few days. She knows it’s extreme. But that’s all Hen talks about, she keeps going over that night over and over again like if she does it enough she can just change something. 

The worst part is when she starts to blame Karen a bit too. Why didn’t we spend more time with her that night? Why didn’t we pay attention to her? 

“It was a night out!” Karen yells, they’d been doing that a lot lately “We were all having fun!”

“We shouldn’t have just kept to ourselves! She would have been safe if we just stopped making out and paid attention to that creep!”

“We specifically told them we would kinda be keeping to ourselves! She encouraged it!” 

“It was a mistake!” Hen yells back, and Karen stares at her for a second before storming to the closet and grabbing her overnight bag 

“What are you doing?”

“What the fuck does it look like I’m doing? I can’t live like this, it’s been three weeks Hen. She’s in a coma because of an allergic reaction not because we decided to have one damn night together” 

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Hen says quietly 

“No, you shouldn’t have. It doesn’t even make sense. We can’t control other people’s actions, only our own. You helped her until the paramedics came, wasn’t that enough?” 

“It doesn’t feel like it” 

“She would have bled out on the damn table if you hadn’t” She stops packing for a second her hand trembling 

“I had to watch that girl bleed out as Tommy carried her to a diner. She didn’t even know what was going on.” 

All this time Hen was so wrapped up in her feelings and things she could have changed, but she didn’t see how it had affected Karen… she forgot, Karen doesn’t see these things daily like she does… 

Hen comes around the bed, holding her tightly in her arms as she breaks down, starting to breathe heavily, her hands shaking her, her body trembling 

“I-I thought- I thought she was gonna die in there. On a diner table,” she sobs and Hen shushes her softly, rubbing her back 

“I had it handled, baby you know that. She lived. She’s okay….she…she lived”

And that’s when Hen finally gets out of he own head, her own sorrow, and learns that other people were affected too and that she had done everything she could. She just couldn’t see it past her own pain. Her wife was just as traumatized… maybe even more so and she’d neglected her needs, her anxieties about everything. She’d even yelled at her like it could fix things… 

“I’m so sorry,” Hen says, crying into her hair and Karen holds her just as tightly 

“So am I” 

Bobby comes for the first time today. 

He’d been staying away, keeping everyone together. But they’ve all said the same thing, they’re all worried about the same thing 

Eddie. 

He walks in with flowers, to go with the ridiculous amount Buck keeps bringing because he knows how much you love flowers and he says it’s totally scientific that you’ll wake up when you’re surrounded by the things you love 

Eddie slept in your bed every night after he said that. 

“Hey” Bobby smiles as he sets them down on the little table in front of you, Eddie looks up at him blinking slowly as he wakes up from a nap 

“Oh hey, haven’t seen you in a while” 

“Five weeks?”

“Five weeks,” Eddie says softly, as he gets up and stretches 

“Come on, I’m taking you home” He reaches his hand out and Eddie looks at it, before shrugging

“No it’s okay, I’m fine. I’ve… I’ve been telling everyone I’m-“

“Don’t start that with me, you’ve got two choices. I carry you out kicking and screaming or you come with me willingly, you shower, you eat something, and I bring you right back”

“Bobby-“

“I’ve got one damn kid in a hospital bed, you think I wanna see another? She’s going to be pissed when she sees you, Eddie. Do you really want to do that to her? She’s going to be wracked with guilt” 

Athena comes in the room now, she’s got fresh clothes and a bag full of Eddie doesn’t know what

“Alright get out, I’m gonna change her. Go back to the house and clean up” 

Eddie stares at them, blinking slowly like he can’t process what’s going on, and lord knows he probably can’t he hasn’t eaten a proper meal in how long? Bobby reaches out for him, holding his arm 

“Let us take care of you son. Please” 

Eddie looks at you,.. he can’t leave you. He just can’t, he’s refused to for anyone else so why does it feel so different when they tell him to leave. 

“Yes you can” Athena whispers, coming over to him and putting her arm around him 

“She won’t ever be alone, I’m right here with her. Ain’t no one touching one of my babies. You go take care of yourself for her”

Eddie isn’t even sure when he started crying, but he can’t stop and it feels like he’s never going to stop. He sobs loudly, his body shaking as Bobby rushes over and holds him. He collapses into Bobby’s arms, sobbing his heart out. They gently fall to the floor where Bobby rubs his back, shushing him softly.

“It’s gonna be okay Eddie, she’s gonna be okay” 

He hadn’t cried, not since he was alone in the bathroom the first night he’d been told. No, he stayed strong for his family, he had to.

Buck needed him.

Maddie needed him.

Hen needed him.

Tommy needed him.

Maybe that’s why it’s so easy to break in front of Bobby and Athena. They didn’t need him right now, they were the ones keeping the others together when they weren’t at the hospital with him. He still doesn’t like it, he feels weak, like he can’t hold himself together anymore

“Let it out son, I’m here,” Bobby says soothingly “We’re here”

Eddie can’t hear the way your heartbeats start to change. You’d think he would, he’d been listening to them, watching them, for weeks. But he’s too busy finally falling apart, letting himself feel all the fears and worries he’s been keeping bottled up for weeks now. He lets himself cling to Bobby like a scared little kid who needs his father 

“What if she never wakes up?” He can barely speak through his tears “W-what if-“ 

Athena gets down now, tilting Eddie’s head up to her straight in the eyes 

“She’s going to wake up,” She says softly, with a firm “and we’re not thinking any different” look. “She’s strong Eddie, you know that, we all know that” 

He knows that he can’t bring himself to doubt it. Because if it did he would just be a shell, if he isn’t one already…

“I should have left for Saturn” he laughs bitterly to himself as his sobs finally quiet. He leans into Bobby, still trying to control himself, but Bobby does it for him, holding onto him tightly. 

“Fuck you” 

Eddie laughs again, shaking his head. “I think I’m finally losing it” he sniffles while rocking back and forth, wiping at his eyes “Shit I’m losing it. I can hear her cursing at me for wanting to leave” 

“Oh my god,” Athena says as she stands up, breathlessly rushing from the room “Doctor??” 

Eddie looks around for a moment, scrambling up from the floor. You’re staring right back at him, your eyes sparkling just for him. The doctors and nurses rush in and he’s gently moved aside. He collapses onto the lounge and Bobby sits next to him, his arm over him. 

They spend time fussing over you, giving you pain medication and something to soothe your throat, going over your vitals and asking you all kinds of questions, doing all kinds of little tests for now, and explaining things to you 

“Eddie” Your voice is so scratchy and rough and the Doctor tries to shush you, he doesn’t want you talking yet but you say his name again, again and again, no matter how much it hurts 

He walks over to your bed, his legs barely able to carry him from how hard he’s shaking. He takes your hand in his, looking at you with wide eyes 

“Crying?” You ask softly, coughing a bit and he gives you a sip of the lukewarm water 

“You…you heard me crying?” He asks, laughing incredulously “Are-“ He sounds insane “All I had to do was fucking cry?? And you’d come back to me??” 

“You said you were leaving” It’s more of a broken sentence, and you’re having a hard time talking but he kind of understands it 

“What? No, I’d never-“ 

“Saturn” Bobby says from behind him “You said you wanted to go to Saturn??”

Eddie shakes his head at you, before falling forward on you. His tears soak into the pretty pink dress Maddie had put you in a few days before, the one he recognizes you’d been wearing when you first met him. You try your best to move your hand but Bobby takes it carefully, placing it in Eddie’s messy curls. You flex your fingers a bit, mimicking petting his hair and you both stay like that for a while, eventually, you coax him into the bed with you where he’d been sleeping and he buries his face in your neck 

“I should have told you that night, on our first date? I should have told you I loved you. I should have told you I loved you in the car after the beach, I should have told you when you moved in with me. And I should have been telling you every day since I met you that I love you” 

“I know” 

Your heartbeat skyrockets on the monitor and Bobby pats Eddie’s leg 

“Hey, you better be being appropriate!” He jokes, wiping away the tears in his eyes and Athena hugs him tightly. He puts his arm around her and kisses her head

You snort through your nose and Eddie rolls his eyes 

“Well” he looks at you and your heart skips a beat, literally, which just makes him laugh and he hugs you to him tightly, as tight as you can stand it 

“Are you gonna say it back?” He says sassily and you giggle shaking your head. His mouth drops open and he turns to Bobby and Athena 

“Hey! Hey are you seeing this?! I pour my heart out to this twerp, this ungrateful little brat!” 

Your head falls back as you cackle and he smacks the side of your thigh and you yelp 

“Oh shit, I probably shouldn’t do that huh?”

“No, you shouldn’t,” The doctor says as he types on the computer in front of him

“Because you know. She’s in a hospital bed. And as you know, in a coma” 

Eddie flicks him off and makes a little face at him. They’d spent a lot of time together these last few weeks. Sometimes Dr. Din- the man who’d been assigned to your case would come in and just sit with you for a little while, he and Eddie talked a lot and said you reminded him of his kid he’d lost a long time ago. 

“It is very nice to meet you, by the way, kid” He nods to you and you smile, giving him a little wave with your fingers and Eddie rolls his eyes 

“Traitor” He huffs and you narrow your eyes 

“Big baby” 

His mouth drops open and you try and stifle your giggles 

“You have the biggest fucking audacity to be saying that to me. When you know, you know!!! You are the biggest crybaby in the entire world! You even cry to get your way with me!! Like when I bought you that second Hello Kitty plush so your first wouldn’t be lonely!” 

You pout at him and sniffle and he gestures “See!!”

“You are being pretty mean to her,” Dr. Din says and he throws one of the little stuffed animals Buck bought you at him 

“You stay out of this!” 

Your shoulders shake as you giggle at his antics and he groans, rubbing his hand over his face “Biggest brat I know” 

“But you love it” You bat your eyelashes at him and he smiles, nuzzling his nose against yours

“Yeah… I do love it” 

“And I love you,” You say, and Eddie stares down at you, his heart melting all over again 

“You what?” He says quietly, playfully and you know him too well by now, you can hear that tiny little hint of hesitancy, like he doesn’t believe you’re saying it to him 

“I love you… I love you, I love you, I love you” 

Buck comes barging in just like he always does, with a giant paper bag and Tommy behind him with a plastic bag.

“Eddie Diaz, get ready to eat you don’t have any damn choice, I brought backup,” He says as he walks in and sets the bag of books down 

“And Y/N get ready to kill Trap” He grabs the first book from the top of the pile and turns around. Eddie is lying in bed with you, stroking your hair softly, while you stare at Buck with a little smile on your face 

“I’d kill for anything to eat right now,” Eddie says, reaching out for Tommy’s bag and he walks over, handing it to him. 

“Y-Y/N??” Buck says softly and you smile at him 

“Bucky bear” your voice is still a bit rough and scratchy but you’ve had enough tea to drown England at this point and it’s sounding as normal as possible 

“W-when…?” He’s too stunned to move, too stunned to be “Buck” 

“A few hours ago,” Eddie says “She had to do so many tests and be brought to so many rooms she asked me not to call you until she could spend time with you without having to leave.” 

“Does Maddie know?” 

“She’s on her way, Y/N wanted to surprise you both when you texted you were coming. This is good” he nods at Tommy, who’s leaning quietly against the back wall 

“I’ll show you guys where I got it from when she’s better… maybe a double date?” 

You perk up immediately, trying to sit up and Eddie gets out of bed, setting his food down on the table so he can help you adjust 

“No- no we’re not discussing that right now” Buck can finally walk again and he practically runs across the room now, diving onto the bed and squishing the life out of you 

“Buck!” Eddie groans and you just laugh as he lays on you, not caring at all about all the weight he’s putting on you 

“Nope nope nope I’m staying right here for the rest of my life I’m never moving. I’m gonna protect you from everything” 

“Doesn’t she have stitches?” Tommy asks and Buck looks down 

“Okay I’m moving a little bit” 

He shifts over so he’s more on your other side and against the bed now and you take a breath, being able to actually freaking breathe again 

“If you ever leave me again I’m going with you,” Buck says quietly as he hugs you. His head rests on your shoulder and you lean into him, your tear drops falling into his hair 

“I missed you” you whisper and he laughs, hiding his face in your shoulder as he sniffles 

“I missed you too Miss Stinkypants”

As soon as Maddie arrives and the three of you squish into the hospital bed, a mass text is sent out of a picture of you three, your arms around both of them saying that you’re awake and doing really well considering everything. 

You get well wishes and promises of visits from the Bennett’s and that one probie Eddie can’t remember the name of sends a picture of him and a few of the guys from the station all giving you thumbs up and big smiles 

Eddie has eaten absolutely everything given to him and you glare at him every time he accepts food and he just smiles back at you. You force him to go home, to clean up and rest, and he doesn’t go until Buck sets up your iPad and you FaceTime him. He’s not taking his eyes off you. Tommy offers to bring him home and back and he accepts 

“Why does everyone but me drive my Jeep now” Buck pouts as Tommy kisses his head when they leave and you shake Maddie’s arm aggressively

“Later!” Buck yells at you in embarrassment 

“You feeling better?” Tommy asks as he and Eddie are driving together, he’s muted but he’s watching you giggle through Buck reading to you and Maddie

“Yeah… kinda.. thanks for the food” 

“It was no problem”

“Thanks for everything actually…”Eddie says quietly, staring at the sweet smile on your face as Maddie puts her head on your shoulder 

“You took care of Buck when I couldn’t… I- I feel bad about that”

“Eddie, the love of your life was in a coma in the hospital…I don’t think anyone expected anything from you” Tommy looks over at him for a minute 

“But… Buck needed me, and I just… I feel like I let him down, how am I gonna make it up to him?” 

“Eddie” Tommy scoffs “Buck felt like he was letting you down. He couldn’t take care of you! Neither of you could do anything but worry about Y/N and pretend like you were fine for the other and it would have done you both some good had you just learned to accept help and had Buck learned he didn’t have to process his feelings alone” 

“He could never let me down!” 

Tommy stares at him for a minute, before looking back at the road and Eddie lets his head fall against the headrest

“And…and I could never let him down”

“Dumbasses”

“Hey!!” 

The Bennett’s are at Eddie’s house when they get there, they’d been taking care of the house and your little plants the entire time for you. Eliza and William hug Eddie so tightly that he can barely breathe. She has tears in her eyes as she spanks his butt, scolding him for not taking proper care of himself and he huffs, rubbing his butt as he walks away to go shower 

The Bennetts love Tommy and say he’s just what Buck needed, and that makes him blush as they fawn over him. He helps them tidy up around the kitchen, making Eliza sit down as he places a cup of tea in front of her. They talk for a little while, waiting for Eddie to get all cleaned up and he tells them about you and how you’re doing and everything the doctors said that he can remember 

“How are you doing?” Eliza asks, stirring her tea and Tommy smiles a little, looking down as he sighs and rubs the back of his neck 

“I don’t know. If I’m being honest. I was taking care of Buck for so long… making sure he would live… I wasn’t exactly taking care of myself as much as I should have” He chuckles quietly, looking up at the ceiling 

“Ahh I dared to be yelling at Eddie” 

A single tear slides down his cheek and he tries to wipe it away but there’s no use, they just keep coming 

“I’m so relieved, I kept telling Buck, over and over that she would wake up and- and I believed it you know? I swear I did” William puts his hand on Tommy’s arm and Eliza rubs his shoulder “But what if she didn’t? What would that have done to them?” 

“What would that have done to you?” William asks and he shakes his head 

“M-me?” 

“You care about her too,” Eliza says 

“I feel like I don’t have the right to, she barely knows me”

“Are you kidding me?” Eddie comes in, wiping his hair with a towel, it’s a little longer than he normally wears it and it’s starting to curl a bit. He can already see you going crazy over it 

“She adores you, Tommy! You have to know that. You had every right to be hurting along with us and you still do. If she heard you say that she’d kill you”

“Apparently she’s gonna be doing a lot of killing” William sips his coffee and Eliza nods 

“And I’ll be right there with her. It’s okay to have feelings boys, and to express those feelings to your family. It’s okay to be scared and to need support. That’s what we’re all here for because we love each other” 

“Oh did I mention Eddie told her he loved her” Tommy says to get the heat off himself and Eddie’s mouth drops open while William chokes on his tea

“You what?!” Eliza shouts 

It’s a couple weeks before you’re allowed to go home but once you do you’ve never been more relieved. Eddie carries you over the threshold, letting you stop to say hi to all your little plants before bringing you in 

“Oh boy did I miss you guys,” You say, petting the little succulents gently 

“Mrs. Bennett did so wonderful with them” You sigh and Eddie nods 

“Yeah they’re totally gonna hate you now”

You whack his chest and he smirks, leaning in to give you a little peck on the cheek. You pull him back, kissing him desperately and he grins wickedly 

“I seem to remember somebody telling me a little secret…” He whispers, his voice simmering with desire 

“Dr. Din said no sex” You scold him 

“It’s not sex if you don’t put it in…” He chuckles as he opens the door then kicks it closed behind him. 

“Surprise!!” 

You shriek and cling to Eddie as his head falls back laughing. Everyone is there, with a little welcome home banner and a messy-looking cake you know Buck poured his heart and soul into 

“Eddie Diaz!” You yell at him and he laughs harder, handing you off to Tommy before he drops you. Tommy sets you down on the ground, your legs are still a bit weak so he helps you walk over to the couch as Buck sets the cake on the coffee table in front of you 

“Hey pretty girl” he smiles and you ruffle his hair, bringing him in to kiss his head 

“Hi, Buck. Did you make this for me??” You ask as you clasp your hands together and he nods excitedly 

“Sure did!! Tommy and I made it!” 

It’s so pretty really, it’s got pink frosting with a messy white border and welcome home written in the center, which is honestly the most impressive part 

“He had six sugar highs practicing the writing” Tommy chuckles as he sits across from you, Eddie plops down on the couch next to you as you hug Buck tightly to your chest

“Thank you” you reach out for Tommy and he gets up again, hugging you too “And thank you too,” you tell him 

The party is wonderful, there are even a few presents for you and you’ve never felt more loved or safer. Eddie stays by your side, even pulling you into his lap to snuggle you and you bat at his hands to let you go so you can reach for more presents. The only time he lets you go is to go into the kitchen to get plates and Athena takes that time to follow him 

“You have to give her room to breathe, Eddie,” She says as she grabs the pack of bluey napkins 

“What do you mean?” He turns to her and she smiles lovingly at him, patting his arm 

“You need to give her space before she feels forced to take it… I know how happy you are to have her back, how happy she is to be back. But remember, it wasn’t as long as it was for her, for you… do you get what I’m saying?” 

Eddie sighs, leaning against the counter, and nods “Y-yeah I get it” 

She looks at him, taking the plates from him 

“I’m just saying don’t put her in your lap Eddie that’s all. Let her sit on her own” 

“I understand” 

No, he doesn’t. Okay, he does, But he doesn’t want to. 

They walk back into the party and Eddie sits down in another chair, acting like he did it to be able to cut the cake better, you look at him, and he knows you’re looking but he won’t look over 

Your eyes narrow 

“Eddie?” 

“Hm?” He passes a piece to Tommy, and then to Buck, and then Chim… 

“Kitchen. Now.” 

You struggle to get up and Buck helps you, supporting your hips. Eddie sighs and stands up, holding his arms out and you walk to him, but instead of picking you up like he loves to do he wraps his arm securely around your waist and helps you into the kitchen. 

You lean against the counter and he leans on the island 

“What’s up, babe?” He crosses his arms over his chest and you look at him, he sees your lip wobble and he stands up, putting his hands on your arms 

“Hey, hey-hey what’s wrong baby girl?” 

“Did I do something?” You ask, your voice wavering and he flinches back a little 

“What?! God no we were just sitting together what could you have done??”

“That’s what I’m wondering. A-are you just tired or something?” 

“What do you mean Y/N?”

“You didn’t put me back in your lap… you didn’t even sit by me” 

“I-I was just giving you s-space”

“Did I ask for it?” 

“N-no it’s just-“

“Eddie we were apart for five weeks… I missed out on five weeks of my life. W-we’re just saying I love you! We’re finally having our life together I-“

His hands cup your face as he kisses you, sliding down slowly to hold your neck for a second and you gasp against his lips, curling your fingers into his shirt 

“Athena suggested I give you space,” he says quickly and you look at him, pushing him away for a second 

“What do you want?” 

“I want to smother you until you can’t live without me like I can’t live without you” 

“Good, I want that too! Nice communication skills. Athena??” You call out and Eddie cringes a little 

“Put me on the counter,” you tell him and he does as you say, plopping you up there while she walks in. You want to be face to face with her for this. 

“You called?” 

“I’mmmm gonna see if Buck wants more cake” Eddie tries to run and you grab his shirt, yanking him back.

“Oh no you don’t. Look, I-“You sigh and run your hands over your head and Eddie rubs your back soothingly 

“I understand, that you’re just trying to help? And I appreciate it. You sort of? Gave Eddie good advice. But I did not ask him for space, I don’t want space right now. When I do, I will be the one to tell him, I will say hey Eddie I need some space and he’ll sit on the other side of the couch or go over to freaking Buck’s place. When we need advice we will come to you, honestly. But until then? Stay out of my relationship Mother, please.” 

Eddie keeps his head down awkwardly, biting his lip and wringing his hands. You know like when your friend gets in trouble in front of you? And you just gotta like stand there awkwardly 

“Eddie, Y/N, I apologize,” Athena says, though her voice is a bit short which is understandable “I shouldn’t be sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong… you’re right” She’s sincere about it as she rubs Eddie’s arm and gives you a hug and goes to leave the kitchen 

“I do love you,” you tell her, with a little pout on your lips now and she rolls her eyes at you, pursing her lips in a smile 

“I love you too honey, good job at standing up for yourself” 

Eddie lets out a deep sigh as she leaves “Oh my god that was the scariest thing I’ve ever been a part of” 

“I thought she was gonna kill you for telling me” 

“So did I!!”

You come back to the party, Eddie’s carrying you and your face is buried deep in his shoulder, just like it should be. There’s always a time for space, and you’ll let him know when you need it… but right now? This is all you want. 

Your friends.

Your family.

Your Eddie.

[bekolxeram]

I had an idea of Buck finding out who Maurice was through Athena months ago. No one gave me that fic, I guess I'd better feed myself. I've never written any fic before, (You read that right, I don't mean for this fandom, I've never written any fic in my life) so I was planning for a short little humorous piece. Well, I'm around 2/3 of the way done, and it's already over 2.5k words long. I don't think I'll able to finish it in the very near future, and I still don't have an AO3 account, so I decide to share the first half of it with you? To give myself the motivation to keep writing?

I just want to get my ideas out there, I'll probably correct the grammar and refine the word choices when I finish the whole thing. Please enjoy and give me feedback. (Gently, it's my first time writing anything fictional outside of high school English exam)

The first time Buck heard the name Maurice, was at Chimney and Maddie’s hospital wedding.

Neither his sister nor his now brother-in-law had much luck in love. Murderous ex, surprise pregnancy, all sorts of trauma, mental health struggle, break up, make up, you name it, they had been through it all. Even on their wedding day, the universe decided to sprinkle in a little viral encephalitis as a last minute wedding gift. Any other couple would have taken all this as a sign of destiny’s disapproval of their relationship, but not Chimney and Maddie. Life kept trying to set them apart, but they chose to get back together, time and time again. Even when they were deep in delirium, when they had lost all sense of self, they always instinctively crawled back to one another, like it was in their very nature to love each other.

Buck agreed with his mother, getting married at a hospital was indeed appropriate. Plenty of newlyweds said their vows just for the sake of traditions, but when Maddie and Chimney pledged to their lives to each other, in sickness and in health, they had their entire relationship to back it up.

Buck was ecstatic, when Bobby pronounced them officially married. He envisioned how the day would be panning out quite differently, but he could not complain. Sure, he would prefer to have his date by his side, but as a firefighter himself, he understood the safety of the city was more important than his own feelings. If anything, on that day, he learned that life would not always let you have your dream wedding, or your dream date, but as long as you treasure and prioritize each other, everything would work out in the end.

Then Tommy walked into the hospital, still in his turnout gear, covered in soot, all apologetic.

Buck just knew he had to close their distance, taste the alluring flavor of smoke straight from his lips.

Tommy came, without stopping by to get changed or to wash up, because the wedding was important to Buck, because he promised to come. Buck once thought duty and romance was a question of either/or, but Tommy made enough of an effort to make them both work.

Buck knew very well how dirty his face must have been after making out aggressively with his date, but he did not care one bit. He had not been this happy for so long, he wanted everyone in the room to see how elated he was. He wanted to wear his happiness on his face.

He briefly congratulated the newlyweds. His sister, like the caretaker she was, pulled out a baby wipe for him to clean up his lower face. He tried his best to wipe off all the soot, then he took a piece a cake and started looking around the room for his date. He found Tommy having a conversation with the Wilsons.

“Hey,” Buck put his hand on Tommy’s lower back, “What are you guys talking about?”

“Just what an entrance you two have made,” Hen said with a smirk. Karen was struggling to hide her chuckle.

“Look at him, can you blame me?” Buck gazed adoringly at Tommy, “I was planning to show him off on the dancefloor anyway.”

“You’re full of surprise, Evan, you know that?” Tommy smiled, the ocean blue in his eyes filled Buck’s heart with affection.

“I’m sure it went a lot better than the last time you tried kissing someone in front of me,” Hen interrupted, with a devilish grin.

“Huh?” Tommy reacted, puzzled.

“Maurice.” The Wilsons were fully giggling at this point.

“Oh no.” Tommy covered half of his face with one of his hands, seemingly embarrassed by Hen’s teasing, “You guys are never going to let me live this down, aren’t you?”

The conversation kept flowing, but Buck was deafened by the thousands of questions in his head.

Who’s Maurice? Why have I never heard of him? Why was Tommy trying to kiss him? In front of Hen too? Was he Tommy’s crush? Who rejected him? No, were they… together?

“Evan?” Tommy noticed Buck’s lapse in focus.

“Uh… yes… yes, Tommy?”

“The cake?” Tommy pointed at the piece of dessert in Buck’s hand.

“Sure… Of course.” Buck handed the plate over. He really wanted to find out more about this Maurice, but at the same time, he recognized the recency of his budding romance with Tommy. Tommy would get around to mentioning this mysterious figure from his past eventually, Buck thought, so he decided to let it go for now.

“Sorry, I haven’t eaten since last night. I’m starving.” Tommy explained, while shoving a sizable chunk of wedding cake into his mouth. “Mmm, this is so good. This is everything I’ve been waiting for.” This man loved his cake, even the soot and fatigue on his face could not hide the genuine joy radiating from his face, in all its crinkly, wrinkly glory.

“The cake huh? Is that all?” Buck asked, flirtatiously.

Tommy flirted back, with his signature deadpan expression but burning lust in his eyes, “Well, I have to refuel my body before engaging in whatever activities await us tonight.”

Buck’s heart skipped a beat, probably from the sudden rush of blood down south. Yeah, Maurice could wait.

The second time Buck heard the name Maurice, was at the medal ceremony.

It was supposed to be a joyous occasion.

Not only did none of them get fired, they were all given medals for borrowing LAFD property and leading a pre-authorized rescue mission off the coast of Mexico. None of that would have been possible without the pilot. Yes, all of them played their part in saving Bobby and Athena from the sinking cruise ship, but Tommy in particular put his career, even his own life at risk just to help a few old colleagues he had not seen for years, just because there might be people in need. Judge him all you want, but seeing Tommy on that stage, being awarded for his skills and heroism, Buck simply could not conceal the fondness and enamorment written all over his face. Bobby and Athena being alive and well, looking like a classic Hollywood power couple, was obviously the most important part, Buck told himself. Although, Tommy being appreciated for the absolute ace he was, while in his dress blue, came as a close second.

The way the rigid fabric splayed across the pilot’s strong muscular body, buttons holding on for dear life against his bulging pecs, pants just tight enough to accentuate the curvature of his glutes, a feature Buck found enticing in all genders. Buck was not alone in ogling the real life erotic fantasy in front of him, about that he was sure, but he took comfort in knowing he was the only one there who got to touch this body, to worship it, to savor every inch of it, to feel it against his own. He might have almost missed his own call to the stage because he was too busy gawking at his boyfriend.

He was looking forward to celebrate this moment with his loved ones, maybe a little foreplay in costume with Tommy too, until Gerrard showed up and ruined everything.

Upon spotting the former 118 captain, Tommy looked as if he had seen a ghost.

The second Gerrard made a limp wrist gesture at Tommy, insinuating a homophobic slur, Buck realized he was more than an ignorant old man. He barely skirted the edge of blatant bigotry just to abuse his targets while staying on the side of possible deniability. If he used merely 10% of his brain power allocated for creative insults, Los Angeles would be a much safer place.

Tommy was clearly upset after their unexpected encounter with Gerrard. He was forking the food on his plate, without eating any, then abruptly, he stood up, “I don’t feel like eating these right now. I’m gonna get some cake, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Buck gave him a forced smile and a small peck to his temple, then he sent his boyfriend to his beloved sweet treat.

“I’m worried about him,” Buck turned to Chimney, “I’ve never seen him like this before, being so… small.”

“Working under Gerrard was not exactly a fun time worth keeping in your memory” Chimney sighed. “Like most of us, it took Tommy a long time and a lot of soul searching to become who he is right now. He did have a fat head back in the days, but I can’t say I blame the guy. Sometimes you do things you’ll regret further down the road just to survive at the moment.”

“Yeah… he told me the 118 was a regressive place back then.”

“Gerrard isn’t just another asshole, he’s an asshole with power, particularly power over his people’s safety. Tommy almost died because of him.”

“I know… Gas explosion, right? He said you saved his life.”

“I guess I did, but hey, Gerrard only gave me one month of KP duty as a reward, so that was a plus,” Chimney snickered, sarcastically.

“He punished you for saving Tommy’s life?” Buck never fully grasped the injustice, mistreatment, and suffering his loved ones faced under Gerrard’s reign of terror. He made a mental note to thank Bobby later for his gentle fatherly guidance.

“That’s who he is, Buck. All power trip, no leadership. I’ve never seen Tommy so scared of somebody,” Chimney continues, “except maybe... Maurice.”

Maurice, this name again. Buck still knew close to nothing about this cryptic individual.

Tommy was very upfront about how abrasive his was in his youth. Having to desperately hide his true self from his abusive father, then intolerant military policy, and finally his homophobic superior, he had learned very early on that the best defense was a solid offense. He was cold, distant, downright rude to anyone and everyone who tried getting too close, to the truth, to his desire, to his heart. So if Tommy was reluctant to share the parts of his life that he was less than proud of, Buck would not try to pry… At least until Chimney told him how fearful Tommy was of Maurice.

“Who…” Just as Buck opened his mouth, his brother in law rose from his seat, grabbing the red wine filled glass with him. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to take this wine to my wife.”

As soon as Chimney left, Tommy returned with a piece of cake in his hand and a subtle smile on his face.

“Heyy-” Tommy greeted Buck in his usual playful tone.

“Hey, feeling better?” Buck was relieved, sensing Tommy’s change of mood.

“Um…” Tommy looked down, seemingly pondering. Then he retook the seat he previously occupied, the one right next to Buck, and hooked one of his feet under his boyfriend’s chair. He gave the chair a swift, firm tug, and in the blink of an eye, the physical distance between them vanished.

“Now I am,” Tommy murmured with his deep, gravelly voice.

Just like that, the rest of the room ceased to exist for Buck. No Gerrard, no Maurice, only Tommy. Buck’s fingers slowly slid towards the strong, burly thigh leaning against his own, but Tommy stopped him on his track, by grabbing his inquisitive hand.

“This is not exactly... appropriate for work, don’t you think?”, Tommy said, without letting go of Buck. “People may have questions if they see us.” His grip tightened, just enough to reignite the fervent desire building up between them since the start of the day. “Hen and Karen asked me just now about my intentions with you, if they are…” He looked down at the shinny medal currently decorating his boyfriend’s chest, and used his free hand to adjust the ribbon, “honorable.”

“And what did you say?” Buck asked breathlessly, almost panting.

“I told them, we’re taking it very slow…” Tommy inched closer and closer. “You’re taking the lead, I’m just trying to keep up…” His lips ghosted over Buck’s cheek, then he whispered into his ear, “Where should we go now?”

Buck responded by simply dragging Tommy onto the station rooftop. With the “no visitors” sign blocking the stairs, it was the perfect place for some private pastime.

[diazheartsbuckley]

Fuck It Friday 🫶🏻

Tagged by @daffi-990 @jamespearce9-1-1 @theotherbuckley @wikiangela @jeeyuns @thewolvesof1998 💋

Babies, you can’t even imagine the day that I’ve had but I finally did it! I got to the plot twist of the omegaverse office romance fic 🥹

I hope you like it, this is a semi-long one to make up for the past few weeks of not posting as much 🩵

(Story and more tags under cut)

“You okay in there?” Maddie questions, worried about her younger brother. This isn’t like him, to be feeling this way about anything. But she’s always known that he has loved Eddie. Just not that he loved him in this way and right now, she couldn’t show him her honest reaction because this came as a surprise to her.

“I’m peeing on a stick, Mads. It’s not that hard” Buck grumbles and finishes up.

As he unlocks the door, Maddie is already right in his face with a timer and he can feel his heart beating out of his chest, putting the test face down on a cloth on the kitchen counter.

The air is thick with tension as he waits for the result, his mind replaying their heated exchanges from the past few weeks.

As the seconds crawls by, he could feel his mind wandering - it could be true. He could be pregnant with Eddie’s baby.

When the timer goes off, it startles him and he’s too much in his own head to even go near the test.

In a slow motion, Maddie picks up on the test and then places it carefully in her brother’s hand.

Two bright pink lines are staring him in the face, confirming what he feared and hoped for simultaneously. A mix of emotions surges through him - joy, anxiety, and the lingering tension from the argument still etched across his face.

The realization hits him like a tidal wave, and without a word, he sinks onto the kitchen floor, overwhelmed by the implications of this newfound revelation. The news he held in his trembling hands was a delicate secret that could and would shift the course of his life and his relationship with Eddie.

“Guess you were right” He chuckles and feels a warm tear running down his cheek as he stares at the test in his hand. His sister joins him on the floor, wrapping a protective arm around his shoulder, pulling him into his embrace and she can feel his entire body bouncing as he cries, anxiety written all over his scent and face as he slowly sits back up.

He wipes his eyes and a small smile starts to appear on his face, the lines of nervousness slowly fading and they are soon replaced with crinkles around his eyes as his smile widens. This is good news. But the timing is completely off. Expect that he isn’t sure that it would’ve felt better if he and Eddie were still together. Because he isn’t a family man, he never has been. Buck doesn’t even know if he has any because he never talks about them.

“We’re happy, yeah?” Maddie asks carefully as her younger brother moves a bit away from her, test still clutched in his hand. She isn’t quite sure what to make of his reaction - he could also just be smiling because he’s nervous (he does that sometimes). And so she tests the waters, trying to not feed him the words. He needs to come to a conclusion by himself.

“Yes, yeah, we’re happy. I just don’t know-...” He cuts himself off mid-sentence and leans his head against Maddie’s shoulder.

“How to tell him” She finishes where Buck left off and he nods, shifting uncomfortably.

“What if he doesn’t want it? What if it breaks us even more? I can’t-... I can’t lose him entirely, Mads. I’m not ready for that. Maybe I should just not, you know, tell him about it. Keep him from worrying about it”

Buck’s voice is dripping with regret and his omega is whining like crazy because now, Buck is suddenly allowing himself to feel these symptoms as a pregnancy and not as stress. But it would be easier to not tell him about it. Maybe.

Tagging!! @watchyourbuck @giddyupbuck @honestlydarkprincess @fionaswhvre @butraura @jesuisici33 @vampbuckley @wildlife4life @eddiebabygirldiaz @tripleaxeldiaz @malewifediaz 🦋💗

[cryptid-killjoy]

"Riiiight. Seem."

She was worried about what she'd seem. Seem. Not actually is.

"Sounds too hard. Like trying to live up to a real life image of a social media feed to me. I don't trust anyone who doesn't complain. Trying to stay upbeat for people when they need it is one thing, but if they don't want to hear you vent too they were never your friend in the first place. Just be real and you never have to try and seem anything. They'll know you better than that. That's why I tell Laverne, Victor, and Hugo everything no matter how much they hear me complain and vise versa."

Then she said she never quite got over her fear of being a burden and he smiled, actual full blown smile because that was exactly what he was getting at. A real friend would never see her as a burden and the ones who do are pretty much ok to lose.

"Okay. Forgiven. You're forgiven. Not that you really need to be. But you are. Now you know what it's like to be homeless. At least mentally. You'd rather go without than put it on anyone even if you know they have it to give."

He hoped that clicked for her in some way. She was emotionally depriving herself the same as anyone would of nearly any basic need simply not to ask. He connected that very quickly with the way his mind forever and continually thought.

At least they agreed on Frankenstein. They both got a little laugh out of that one and maybe no one knew Agnes well enough back then because she was Maddy. Simple as that. Maybe Dumbledore was a great person to be quoting about now too all things considering.

"I'm glad you feel that way." A little ego boost there was nice.

Valerie and Maddy always worried about their muchness. Two peas in a muchness pod in that respect.

No big arguments indeed. Two years. Real easy to not argue when no one speaks on anything controversial. That's been Bastien's strategy for a some time. Bottle shit up. That usually ends up well.

She took his hand. She had a point. They probably should be able to talk about things.

"I know you care. Worry. It feels more like judgement now for some reason, something in your eyes. It didn't used to. Before we were married and we were on the streets doing us together. Back when I used to wish so hard you were my girl and you were always watching me, looking at me for what to do next, how to do almost everything actually. I just don't know how to explain what that look is. I'm not used to you being worried, like you used to trust my judgement. Yeah, that's it. That's what it feels like. That's a better way to explain it. Like your eyes are saying you don't think I can handle myself anymore. I guess it's just worry then. That's what worry feels like I guess. I'm not used to anyone being worried about me."

He couldn't help but smirk when she said fuck even after that admittance. It was funny coming out of her mouth in particular, not that she never cussed, but it was humorous.

He busted out in a laugh. "Well, you don't have to tell them thaaaat. I'm pretty sure any date night insinuates it for anyone. At least I would hope so."

He sat grinning momentarily at her reasoning because it felt good to laugh. He still knew he hadn't fully answered her question only expanded on what he'd already started. He was considering. He hadn't expected to have this conversation at the start of their vacation. He was dying to have some fun. But, maybe it needed to happen to be able to. Something was off for them to keep getting their wires in a crosshair. He might as well roll with it now that the lines were open.

"Nothing?"

Bastien looked up sighing. He couldn't believe he was really doing this on their vacation he planned. He wanted this to be so fun. This didn't feel fun.

"You sure? More important than mementos from your old boyfriend you keep hidden away in your jewelry box like sacred treasure? Or like... that name online that makes me feel like my mother don't exist or isn't good enough? Or maybe checking with me first before you go giving ex lovers love token replica reminders in front of the entire group on Christmas? Are we more important than all that because it's really starting to weigh me down that this stuff isn't taken into consideration when you think of me? My feet don't walk as good as they used to. They just kind of... shuffle."

He took a big breath in, an actual gasp and put his hand on his chest because it took a lot to get it all out at once to make sure he didn't forget a thing.

"Because I keep thinking if I just wait long enough you're going to figure out you're not just Maddy. You were never just Maddy. It was always you and me, and the name Maddy is hardly just anything to me. Ever. Whether it's on you or my mother. Never should have been to you either. It's an insult that way no matter what you mean by it and I put that name in your care. It was you and me from that very day. Even when you went home we were still us because nothing felt right because we weren't together. Pierre couldn't keep us apart. Frollo. Esme couldn't. The hospital couldn't. The guards around your house couldn't. Even your own insecurity couldn't. And And And that you might love me enough to not need the love tokens of lovers past. I watch every time you get in the jewelry box and hold my breath that you'll see it and think fuck this old shit and toss it. Maybe this is the day. Nope. Not today and my heart gets a little heavier and my feet drag a little more. I keep waiting for when the Messenger is going stop getting in the way of us. No. Just Maddy you were never. Just anyone. Never. Even when he kicked you out. It's all you've ever had on your mind. You even wanted him to go after Declan and not me. You think just because I did what you wanted it doesn't affect me somewhere inside? It's just I swore nothing had to happen until you were ready and if you need these trinkets still, then so be it."

He took another big breath cause god damn it hurt his heart taking so long for her to move those couple more steps forward. But, he promised anything, even if she was never ready to move forward. To him all this shit counted. Who was he to talk? He has shit he was never moving on from. His shit just didn't affect his personal heartstrings to her quite so intimately, she wasn't there when his issues were created, so her things tugged at him a lot.

"Yeah. Yeah. That's it. I'm trying here. I really am. Patience is hard. Especially when I don't think you look at anything through what it might feel like through my eyes. I try so hard to wait quiet for you to process your way because I think about it. I think you been through a lot and this is your way. But your way is starting to really feel heavy. That's all. I'm not as strong as I thought I was I guess."

He nodded his head. Now he was the one starting to scratch unconsciously digging a nail into his arm. He had the ring. He had the baby. He had her name in his arm that made him tear up sometimes remembering how sad he was when he did it. But somehow, just somehow, she kept finding ways to make him feel like her head wasn't all here with him every time he thought it was over. Now he just felt weak after admitting what he did because he didn't want to do it this way. He wanted to be the strong husband that could take care of anything, even this, carry it forever if he had to, But, no here he was unloading. He was feeling very conflicted about this.

“I just .. don’t want to seem ungrateful.”

That and she just wasn’t a complaining person. When she reached out to other people, she wanted it to be about good things. And she did talk to them, just because it wasn’t about big important things like events didn’t mean that she didn’t keep in touch, especially with Ray. It was the little things like celebrating first steps and first words and managing a full nights sleep and laughing at whatever shenanigans their men were getting into. Any complaints - she kept that in because she one hundred percent did not want to be that girl that only turned to her friends when things were bad.

“I do talk to Ray, and I know that everyone goes through the rough times,” She said, since God knows that was true. There was no such thing as a perfect baby, even if their Frankie did come rather close. But she was also thinking .. Ray and the others, they had zombie kids and Praline to take care of. And Thomas and Flotsam had the triplets, which was a lot to juggle. “I guess I never got over my fear of being a burden,” She admitted, continuing to look down at her hands. But then he did make her chuckle a little. “Yeah, as much as I appreciate Frankenstein, that’s never going to happen.” At least they agreed on that very important point.

And apart from not getting some more one-on-one time with her husband where she didn’t have to try to be quiet during times of great pleasure, where she didn’t have to get up when she heard Frankie crying, even if that meant that she was just falling asleep in his arms, everything was pretty much ideal. They had the family life that was part of the American Dream.

But yes, very much fuck Pierre, and fuck Declan. Neither of them got to see the woman that she had grown into, so neither of them knew. This was never a fleeting love, hero worship, only thankfulness - though of course she was grateful for everything that Bastien did. Like Bas had reminded her - she had said yes to running away with him off the grid before she had needed saving. And leaving him had been one of the hardest things that she had ever done in her entire life. Harder than even putting aside all the dreams of medical school and treating people around the world. That had been easy peasy compared to that. So they hadn’t even known Agnes very well either. Declan could see what she had done, what she was doing, even what she was most likely to do in the future. But he didn’t know the thoughts that went through her head.

Maddy was more than happy to remind him. It didn’t bother her at all that he had forgotten because it let her talk about it, to reminisce. The Six of Swords, moving to a distant environment with more potential. Justice, karmic retribution. Ace of Pentacles, opportunity for prosperity. Four of Swords, recovery and introspection. The Moon - her favorite card. Temperance, adapting, cooperation. The Empress - connect with femininity. How that glitzy grandma forture teller had been so very right about everything.

Seeing that proud expression too - that felt so good. “Yeah, you’re probably the best at it.”

Maddy’s smile only grew when she realized that in a way, her husband was quoting Dumbledore of all people. “I never feel lost when I’m around you. You always know exactly where to go, even if it isn’t home.”

It just always felt like a rant because she wasn’t able to stop herself when it started to come out and it was sometimes hard to figure out how Bastien was going to see things. She knew he loved her, of course, but what if … what if he thought that she was being too much, trying to interject herself into areas of his life that maybe she had no right to be in? That world of his was entirely different from hers. Sometimes it felt like she had a map to it but others … other times it was more like a childrens drawing, just scrawls of different colors.

She did look a little more concerned as he kept speaking though. “What - what do you think we would argue about?” She implored, taking hold of his hand lightly. They haven’t really had any big arguments in their marriage. And it’s been almost two years now. He did give examples though, but it felt like he was holding back. “Okay, yes, I do worry, but that’s what I do Bastien, I’m your wife, and it always goes away when you come back to me. I want you to be able to talk about these things. About everything.” Oh Bastien, being Bastien, keeping things inside while only giving enough hints to make her mind start to go crazy. Things he needed patience for. She couldn’t think yet of what that meant. “No, no, nothing is your fault. If anything, it’s mine because you feel like you can’t come to me with … what this is really about. I can promise you right now - nothing in this world, not a thing, is more important to me than you and Frankie.”

She sighed, and looked more than a little embarrassed. “It’s kind of like what you said earlier. There’s nothing that I really want to do, at least not in Feral. It’s just more … it feels weird to ask someone to watch Frankie just so we can … fuck, basically.”

She thought back to the night that they decided that they were going to try for a baby. The mind-blowing pleasure that he had given her - three times in a row, they just kept going, like they were rabbits. Even if she didn’t have the full stimulation, he left her more than satisfied each and every time and she wanted to revisit that so badly. She wanted to have another night like that, just them, just keep going. No distractions.

[divine17]

↳ LOVE YOU SO | MASTERLIST

Request: “Maddy Perez x fem reader spending their first valentines together after Nate made Maddie forget what it feels like to be loved, and chocolate strawberry feeding 😭💕” - Anon

Word Count: ~750

A/N: just a short little thing for my baby because last night was rough 😔

“I wonder what it is,” Maddy teases, her perfectly manicured fingers moving to untie the pink bow on her Valentine’s present. Her face lights up as she opens the little box, glancing over the chocolate covered strawberries inside. They’re a beautiful dozen, all perfectly decorated with little heart sprinkles, glitter and pretty designs, and she’s practically glowing with excitement as she examines them.

You’re sitting on her bed, legs stretched out over the silky pink comforter below. To be honest, you were kind of nervous. You’d only been with Maddy for a couple months, and this was your first big day together. But she laughs softly, a little grin on her red-painted lips, and the butterflies in your stomach begin to fade.

“How’d you know that I love these?!” She asks, looking up at you. There’s something so soft in her big brown eyes, and you can’t help but smile at her. She’s so excited, and she looks so pretty in the dim pink light in her room, and so… Peaceful. There’s such a look of love on her pretty face, all you want to do is kiss her.

“What if I just say that a little birdie told me?” You giggle, remembering how you’d all but begged Cassie and Kat to help you not fuck this night up. Cassie loved romance, and being loved, so she gladly gave you a whole list of crazy, extravagant ideas that you knew Maddy wouldn’t much care for. Kat, on the other hand, was a lot more helpful... And practical. She suggested the strawberries, telling you how Maddy had mentioned how she adored them. You’d have to remember to thank her tomorrow.

Maddy picks up the bouquet of roses from her lap, gently putting them down beside her. Red, pink, blueish purple roses, and little lacy white flowers, she’s delighted by them. Flowers were always Nate’s way of apologizing for some awful thing he’d done, never for any good reason. But you, you bought them for her just because you knew she loved them. That was one of the many differences between the two of you that she was grateful for.

“Thank you.” She whispers, her hand resting on your waist. “For everything. It’s perfect.”

Before you can respond, her lips are on yours. Both of you melt into each other, into the kiss, and she brings a hand to cup the side of her face. Your hand rests on her hip, pulling her closer. Maddy’s so pretty, and her lips are so soft and plush and her skin is so soft, you can’t help but think you might explode as you rest in her arms. Her thumb strokes your cheek, and all you can do is melt into her touch.

When she pulls away, she plants another kiss on your cheek, and you’re sure it’s stained with ruby red lipstick, but you don’t mind it.

“Of course, my pretty girl.”

Your pretty girl… That nickname never fails to make her blush, which puts a smile on your lips.

As the two of you laid together, eating the sweet strawberries and kissing the taste off of each other’s lips, singing softly to the music playing in her room, Maddy can’t help but think of how wonderful you are. To be honest, she’d forgotten what being in love felt like after dating Nate for so long. Being with him jumbled up her mind and heart, and she got confused, lost in his messiness and manipulation. But you reminded her; you made her feel loved, truly loved, and you appreciated her more than she could ever realize.

With you, she could be herself. She didn’t have to put on some kind of intricate show, and she didn’t have to walk on eggshells anymore. You didn’t get upset with her spontaneously, unpredictably or over the little things. No games, no bullshit.

Instead, you lifted her up. You showed her what kindness was and how to truly love someone without hurting them, or yourself, and that love shouldn’t make you feel like she used to. You complimented the outfits Nate would have called her a whore for wearing, you let her try new makeup or skincare on you with no complaints, and you didn’t pressure her for anything or try to manipulate her.

She just had to… Exist, as herself, and you loved her for it.

As she glanced up at you, head resting on your chest, she realized… For the first time in her life, Maddy felt completely peaceful.

[staynoonaz9290]

Temptation - S2 (Ch. 3)

Where Maddie and Lila are back six months later, still managers of Stray Kids, navigating the world of incubi, and worse… Dealing with unexpected feelings

Group: Stray Kids

Pairing: Each SKZ Member/Fem! Reader (Third Person-Lila and Maddie)

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Warnings: Sexual Content (a LOT of sexual content-please don't read if this makes you uncomfortable), Sex with multiple members (at separate times), Sex-to-survive (Incubi/Succubi), Desperation, Oral Sex (M-Given/F-Given), Fingering, Language, Supernatural Love, Excessive Drinking, Crack Fic, Age Difference, Slight OOC, Slight Angst, Love Triangle

Word Count: 2,782

Main Masterlist | Stray Kids Masterlist

COMPLETE

2 | 3 | 4

Maddie was sitting in a cushy chair right beside Jeongin, thankful they had the movie theater to themselves.

It was always more fun that way.

“You like the sour gummy bears, right?” she asked, ripping the bag open and almost dropping it. “Because these are seriously so good-”

“Yeah,” Jeongin nodded eagerly, smiling a little. “They’re one of my favorites.”

“I knew there was a reason I liked you,” she teased, both of them laughing.

But then Jeongin’s expression was softening, his eyes darting across her face for such a brief moment, she almost would’ve missed it, before he was digging his hand into the bag.

And Maddie’s stomach was flipping, a small smile pulling on her own lips as she reached over to grab a handful of popcorn from the bucket in his lap.

Ever since Jeongin had come back from Christmas break, the two of them had gotten a lot closer.

Maddie and Jeongin had always gotten along; even at the beginning, when all she was ever worried about was making sure he kept up with his feedings.

But after he’d come back from Christmas break, things had changed a bit.

It all started when they’d been talking together about something Maddie couldn’t remember, and she’d found out Jeongin had never been mini-golfing.

She’d told him he had to go- it was so much fun, even if you lost because the themes were usually really cool.

And no one else had wanted to go, leaving the two of them alone and having such a fun time, Maddie wondered why they’d never hung out before then.

After that, they’d slowly started getting together when they could- in between busy schedules and overnights in different countries- just hanging out.

“I’m curious about this movie,” Jeongin said, interrupting her thoughts. “I want to know how Knuckles is going to be at the end.”

The armrest between them was small, Maddie and Jeongin’s arms resting there together, skin to skin, the tiniest of buzzes in her veins at the feel of it.

“Well it’s only the second Sonic movie, but I still think they’re gonna team up,” Maddie replied with a grin. “And Tails will be here. too. So yeah- he’s gonna be a good guy in the end.”

He nodded, grabbing some more popcorn, and she swallowed, looking at him for a moment.

Jeongin was… very handsome.

He always had been, even when Maddie wanted to be in denial about it, and in the past seven or eight months, he’d only seemed to get better looking.

When they sat close like this- arm against arm, sharing food, alone in the dimly lit theater, waiting for their movie to start…

Well, that fact was not lost on her.

While these “hang outs” had never been called dates- something about them made Maddie feel like they were.

There was something about the way he looked at her, just as he did a moment ago, features soft, smile gentle, body pressed so casually against her own…

And the way he just was with her- so weirdly romantic- making Maddie’s heart race, surprising her-

“Here-”

Jeongin was reaching beneath the ginormous bucket of popcorn on his legs, grabbing a small stack of napkins and placing them on her own lap. She wasn’t sure if the dust of his fingers upon her thigh was on purpose, but Maddie felt a stutter in her chest at the feel of it, giggling automatically-

“Are you saying I’m messy?” she joked, turning to scowl playfully at him.

“Yes,” Jeongin replied without hesitation, making her laugh again.

“Hey!”

“It’s butter, how could it not be messy?” he asked between his own laughter, falling a bit when she pushed her arm against his in a playful shove.

“I know you meant it’s just me,” she teased back.

And he grinned, choosing not to answer, only eating more popcorn, Maddie giggling once more.

Jeongin was one of her favorite people in the mansion- if she was being honest with herself, he probably always had been- and she valued their friendship a lot.

But something about this; something about the way he would glance at her, smiling again, a sparkle in his eyes that had Maddie smiling right back…

Something about his kind gestures and his almost chivalrous ways with her…

Sometimes, she felt like there was a lot more than friendship going on here.

Maddie resisted the urge to bury her face in her hands, ignoring the small twist in her chest as she popped three gummy bears into her mouth.

This was all… so complicated.

She had never wanted this; she didn’t want a crush on Jeongin, and she certainly didn’t want him having a crush on her.

Maddie didn’t want anything to ruin this awesome friendship that’d developed between the two of them.

But he was an incubus- a Level Three incubus at that- and Maddie couldn’t deny the certain amount of chemistry that lingered between them. 

The way her fingers tingled ever so slightly when they touched. 

The way her stomach would flip a little, when he’d smile her way. 

The way she’d giggle when he teased her, flirting with her, a small warmth in her chest…

She took three more gummy bears out of the bag, a little more aggressively than she’d meant to, when she realized Jeongin wasn’t even the only Level Three incubus in her life…

Hyunjin

Her reaction to the thought of him was embarrassingly immediate; stomach filling with stupid, annoying butterflies, heart skipping a beat in her chest, Maddie chewing a little more fiercely on her candy…

She’d been spending a lot of alone time with Hyunjin as well.

The lights dimmed a little more in the theater, telling them the trailers were about to start, just as Maddie was swallowing around the weird hum in her throat.

They weren’t spending time together like this- like she and Jeongin, in the movie theater, just the two of them, sharing food and laughing with light conversation.

No, Maddie was going to help Hyunjin feed; to get some stress relief because everything with him was- admittedly- very good and he seemed to like it just as much.

Not that he’d ever tell her that.

But then there were times afterwards; when the hook-up was over and Maddie knew she should be climbing out of Hyunjin’s bed, telling him goodnight and leaving the room…

When she stayed instead, watching Hyunjin pull his phone off the nightstand, laying close as always and insisting he show her a new Webtoon he found that she had to read.

Maddie laughing, telling him she has too many, and she can’t read another- only for him to ignore her entirely, reading her the synopsis, knowing it’ll catch her attention and she’ll have to read it-

Hyunjin and her snuggled beneath the covers just after sex, the winter air outside bringing a chill to his room, Maddie complaining that she needed more covers and she was freezing-

She and Hyunjin tugging together on the comforter, bickering about who has longer legs and if that really matters, only for the man to tug too hard-

Her falling into him, body pressed against his own, Hyunjin’s laughter subsiding a little as he looked down at her…

And Maddie wondering how she could be cold at all, under the blankets with him like this, her body suddenly on fire-

Hyunjin’s eyes darting between her own before he was swooping down to kiss her, Maddie’s head falling softly upon the mattress-

“Hey-”

Maddie nearly squeaked in surprise, not realizing her eyes were glazed over, shaking her head to clear her vision before turning to Jeongin.

“-want some more?” he whispered.

He was shaking the bucket of popcorn, face close to hers so he could hear her, and so incredibly handsome that Maddie found herself smiling automatically again, nodding quickly before reaching into the bucket.

Still, the guilt at her thoughts had a small rock forming in her stomach, Maddie eating each popcorn kernel one at a time after thanking Jeongin softly, turning back to watch the trailers.

Not wanting to think about any of this any longer, she forced herself to pay attention to the movie, ignoring the way Jeongin’s arm was still pressed so completely against her own.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maddie was standing at the kitchen sink, her hands a little red from the scalding hot water.

She was rinsing the soap off newly cleaned dishes, Felix right beside her with rubber gloves and a sponge in hand, scrubbing all the dirty plates from that evening’s dinner.

It was just two days after their first performance, and a rare night they were able to cook a meal at home, all ten of them eating together. As per the usual house rules, everyone rotated on dishes, and tonight it was Felix and Maddie, the two of them working together like a well-oiled machine.

They hadn’t said much- in fact, they hadn’t talked at all- but the silence was comfortable, and it’d been such a long day of practices, interviews, and driving all around South Korea, that neither of them felt much like conversation.

It was one of the many things Maddie loved about Felix; he was always so good at reading the room.

If she was being honest with herself though, Maddie thought she might just love everything about Felix.

He was way less maintenance than everyone else in the mansion- even Jeongin- and was such a sweetheart that often just his presence made people feel better. He was an amazing baker, a person that would talk to you about anything, and overall, his aura was just… comforting.

Still, when Maddie glanced his way, waiting for the next dish to rinse off, she saw him pressing his lips together as if something was bothering him, swallowing hard-

“What do you think, Maddie?”

She jumped, looking up at Chan and Lila sitting at the kitchen table, papers spread all across the wooden surface, trying to work out the next couple days’ plan.

“Think about…?”

She hadn’t been listening, smiling guiltily, and Lila grinned with a shake of her head.

“If we drop Changbin off at his girl’s house for her appointment, then get Hyunjin and Minho from that dance workshop up at JYP, then- Chan, stop!”

Chan had reached over to tickle her ribs, clearly trying to mess up her words, and Lila giggled loudly, trying and failing to push his hands away.

Maddie laughed, rolling her eyes playfully; sometimes, Chan and Lila were really flirty like this. They adored each other- that much was obvious to anyone who saw them- but when there were less people around, they seemed to be much more comfortable with PDA.

Specifically in front of Jeongin, Hyunjin, her and Felix.

Maybe it was because they knew the four of them either didn’t judge or didn’t care, and would never make a joke at their expense. Maybe it was because- in a weird sort of way- Chan felt the most comfortable with them, and didn’t feel like he had to hide as much his feelings for Lila…

Because even though there’d never been any kind of anything announced; there was no denying Chan had feelings for Lila. 

Maddie wasn’t one hundred percent sure why, but when they were alone like this, sometimes-

“-I can’t breathe!” Lila squealed, making Maddie laugh as she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Are you gonna tell me the rest of the plans or?” she tried to sound annoyed, but she was smiling too much, and Chan looked at her, grinning a little.

“Okay, I’m sorry I’m done-”

But while he’d taken his hands from Lila’s sides, he’d swiped up the papers, reading the rest of the plan before she could.

“-after Hyunjin and Minho, we can head to pick up Changbin and get everyone to the studio for recording before eight.”

Lila pouted playfully at him, but Chan kept his eyes on Maddie, purposely ignoring her as he tried not to smile.

“Yeah,” Maddie replied with a shrug. “I mean… sounds good to me.”

“Great!” Chan exclaimed, finally turning to Lila with that same, playful grin. “Guess we’re all set then.”

Maddie was honestly glad the two were doing just fine- eyes shining when they looked at one another, Lila shoving him with a small giggle- because the day of their first performance, Chan had seemed a bit stressed.

They hadn’t been able to find Seungmin, and Chan had been running around like crazy while Maddie had been in a mad rush for Changbin’s lost earpiece, and until the moment they’d stepped out on stage, the leader had been tense; not his normal, happy-go-lucky self.

Lila had been worried- almost like it’d been something to do with her- but by the time the performance was over, Chan had come running from the stage with his normal, megawatt smile, hugging Lila tightly after everyone had passed by to pile into the makeup room.

And things were totally back to normal.

Maddie turned to the sink once more, her eyes immediately darting to Felix, who’d been watching the entire exchange. He caught her eye, quickly going back to their dishes, and Maddie realized he’d been washing the same plate since she’d turned her back on him.

There was a small knot in her stomach at the look on his face- eyebrows slightly raised in distress, lips pressing together again, very concentrated on cleaning the plate- and she knew it was because of Chan and Lila.

Since the beginning, Maddie had always known Felix had a crush on Lila.

She saw it in everything the man did; saving the biggest cookies for her, cheeks dusting pink every time Lila gave him a compliment, his lingering gaze on her face, even when she turned away from their conversation, Felix shaking his head and quickly walking away- as if scolding himself for looking at her-

Maddie knew Felix had it bad for Lila, and always had since they’d started this job.

And she also knew Felix seemed to feel really guilty about it.

She supposed it was because Chan was one of his best friends; that Felix looked up to the man, loved him, and they just so happened to like the same girl…

Or maybe it was because Lila so clearly liked Chan back- more than just liked him- and had never seen Felix as anything more than a little brother…

Maddie bit her lip, watching Felix pass over the plate without looking up, reaching for a dirty cup next, looking like he was in his head again-

“I think we’re all set!” Lila said, the scraping of chairs across tile telling Maddie she and Chan were standing up. “Finally!”

Maddie laughed, turning to them again, seeing Felix look over as well out of the corner of her eye.

“I’m gonna head back to my studio,” Chan said with a friendly wave, walking with Lila. “See you guys tomorrow!”

“See you later, Maddie!” Lila called. “Goodnight Felix!”

“Goodnight you guys,” Felix said, voice deep as usual.

Maddie waved, trying to hide her smirk- she knew they were spending the night together- before turning back to the dishes, Felix already going back to cleaning.

It was quiet again between them, and while the silence was still comfortable, Maddie could tell the man was thinking hard, his methodic scrubbing of the cup telling her his mind was far away from this kitchen-

“Hey.”

He jumped, dropping the cup in the soapy water with a small splash as he turned to her.

“Sorry-”

He chuckled, shaking his head and picking up the cup.

“-was lost in thought there.”

“It’s okay,” Maddie smiled. “I was just wondering… Do you want to bake together? Maybe… make some snickerdoodles?”

The question made Felix as happy as she hoped it would, the man beaming as his eyes darted between her own.

“Yeah,” he replied quickly, handing over the clean cup for her to rinse. “That sounds amazing-”

“I thought it’d be fun,” she said, giggling a little; his happiness was infectious. “They’re my favorite cookies and yet I’ve never made them myself.”

“Well,” Felix tilted his head. “You’ve come to the right place.”

“Great,” she laughed, bumping her shoulder against his. “Next night we’re free? In like… two days?”

“Yeah, sounds awesome.”

Maddie watched as Felix grabbed one of the last dishes in their pile, a small grin still pulling on the corners of his lips as he scrubbed it quickly.

And feeling a small warmth in her chest, she rinsed off the cup in her hands, glad she could make the sunshine of their group so happy.

To Be Continued...

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[wackybuddiemewbs]

WIP Wednesday

Here's to another canon divergence no one was looking for, and still ain't (and shouldn't). I'm a hoe for the drama of that whole arc, what can I say?

Working title: No Love Letters

Basic idea: Buck returns to the 118 after the lawsuit, all the more unsure of his standing at the station and with his friends. Sadly, someone seeks to take advantage of that, leaving some none too kind messages feeding right into some of Buck’s worst insecurities. Can his friends get through to him before it is too late?

Find out more here: Part 1

Buck stares at the wrapped boxes sitting on the kitchen island. He spent way too many hours wrapping them carefully last night. It seemed like a nice idea to distract himself from the letters. From his damn life right now. But after the one he found earlier today, Buck finds the glittery bows and colorful paper only mocking.

Christopher’s birthday is next Monday. Eddie didn’t say anything to him, so he is not sure whether there is a party, and if there is if he’s supposed to come. If he’d even be welcome anymore. And Buck was too afraid to ask Eddie or anyone about it. He spent restless hours, going back over the scarce conversations they’ve had. To make sure he didn’t miss a subtle cue somewhere down the line. Because subtlety is not his forte.

At least that was his worry until he opened his locker to the message that narrowed his world down to close to nothing. Now Buck knows he is not supposed to be anywhere near Christopher. So yes, the bows and papers are mocking him, hard.

Fear after fear after fear is breathed into existence, to make it less a fear than another sad part of his reality. Before, he could at least tell himself that it was an irrational thing, that he just felt that way, but that it wasn’t real.

But now it’s real.

It’s real and it hurts, even though it won’t bruise, won’t bleed, even though he does it so easily these days.

Just like that, he feels like a small kid again, not knowing how to make his parents see how much he hurt unless he did indeed bruise, bleed, break.

Buck wants to drink himself to oblivion. He wants to punch something till his knuckles are bloody and the pain too much to take. He wants Maddie to hug him and tell him that everything is going to be okay again. He wants Chim and Hen to joke with him like they used to, call him Buckaroo with that fond expression he treasured in a small chest in his heart. He wants Bobby to squeeze his shoulder and drop some wisecrack to set him straight. He wants Christopher to giggle at him to make him forget his demons and let himself be blinded by that shining light. He wants Eddie to forgive him, smile that certain smile at him that always had Buck believe that he had a place in that man’s life, now earned or not.

He wants it all, right now, all at once, but none are happening.

Because he is alone, by the end of the day.

Because that is what he returns to, an empty apartment with only his own presence to fill it. Which isn’t much. Definitely not enough.

Because of the lawsuit, because of what it got twisted into.

And now Buck has no family anymore, other than Maddie. And even her he’ll eventually have to push to the sidelines of his life. Because she is with Chimney, happy with Chimney, looking towards a future. And he is done dragging her down with his own issues. Because Maddie deserves to have her happiness with Chim at long last. Because they are each other’s something, their little everything.

Some time back, Buck likened himself to be at least a little bit something in Eddie’s life. Not just Christopher’s, but Eddie’s in particular. Eddie is his best friend, someone who stuck with him even when he was being all of himself and too much of it. Eddie said there’d be no one he’d trust more with Christopher than him. And Buck still dares to think that Eddie meant it. But maybe he can’t anymore, after he betrayed that trust. Because Eddie expected him to be there. And he wasn’t. And now he’s alone again, wondering why.

Kind of stupid if you think about it, right?

Buck managed to push himself to the sidelines of Eddie’s life with the stupid lawsuit. It’s plain, obvious, bleak. Right on the nose. And that even though Buck thought he was actually heading the right direction – until he ran into the damn brick wall he built with his own damn hands.

Before the stupid lawsuit, that is.

There was that sweet, okay, maybe bitter-sweet, spot after the tsunami and before he talked to Chase Mackey for the first time. Buck felt like he’d manage somehow. Because he had Christopher and Eddie.

Eddie had rewarded him with something Buck didn’t know he needed until the other man had given it with the gentlest of touches, never expecting anything in return: A place in his life that wasn’t just the narrow distance between colleagues or good friends.

It was suddenly so palpable for Buck. That he could show up uninvited and still be invited inside, no questions asked. That it was very much possible to climb out of bed and find Eddie already inside his apartment, munching breakfast he’d brought along the way to pick him up for some early workout together. That he wasn’t alone.

Because he had Eddie.

In that bitter-sweet spot, Buck thought that maybe he could figure out that other issue that had been bubbling up in his stomach for longer than he cared to admit. Things that had started likely much earlier, in fact. Back when he was still being a rotten, petulant child about Abby going away, fearing that Eddie would take his spot.

He had tried to put those feelings off as being needy for attention after his breakup with Ali, too, but she disappeared fast from his mind. And all there was was Eddie and Christopher. Coming back from PT exhausted and drained, sagging down on the sofa with them, Chris sandwiched in the middle, watching cartoons and forgetting about the pain in his leg. So long he was in their orbit, it felt like his stars aligned. And that was enough. In fact, it turned out to be more than Buck could ever wish for.

Suddenly, there was a spotlight on Eddie and Christopher, like a halo almost, a big sign telling him that this is what he wants and that maybe he can have it. Buck just had to go for it and hold on.

A family of his own. With them.

Buck was almost there, he was so damn close. But in true Buck fashion, he managed to fuck up the one good thing that may have pulled him even though the personal low of losing his job, his purpose.

Because maybe that could have been enough. Buck was enough for that, right? Being there for Eddie and Christopher, being part of their lives. He didn’t have to act, didn’t have to pretend to be anyone less bothersome. He was loud and unapologetically himself, and that was fine with them. They were, too. They were themselves together, and to Buck, it felt like it all was falling back into place.

Got greedy though, huh? See where that got you. See where it gets you every damn time.

Buck was almost there, so damn close, before he fucked it all up. He was so close to gather the courage and say it, make it real. Because yes, Buck isn’t as courageous about these things as he is on the job he used to do, to tell Eddie. To tell him all the thing he’d left unsaid, had only ever felt so very intensely that he could barely contain all those big feelings. He was almost there, right within reach.

And now he has a million things left unsaid to Eddie, and Buck doesn’t even know where to begin with that part of himself, even less so if Eddie is indeed behind those letters. If apologies don’t open the door by just a single inch, if Eddie wants to throw the door shut, how is he supposed to squeeze enough of himself into the room to take a deep breath and say it loud and clear, unapologetically, hoping for the best:

Eddie, you’re more to me than just a colleague or my best friend. You were there for me when I didn't know how to put myself back together. You showed up for me. It was you, all along. You and Christopher are everything to me. I love Chris as though he was my own. I love…

Buck’s eyes fall on the printouts from last night, tasting bitterness on his tongue. Transfer papers. He didn’t have intention to fill them out. He just wanted to get his mind used to the idea. To the inevitable now, it’d seem.

But maybe that’s too much wishful thinking.

Transferring means someone would want him instead.

And who’d want a traitor on a team? A family? Right?

[impyssadobsessions]

Vacation Crashers Chapter 7

Read Whole Story on Ao3 “A battery?” Danny raised a brow. Batman nodded, having informed them to reason he was there and how he had crashed. They needed a distraction from the current situation, and from what he saw, they were well informed on the subject he needed answers for. “That’s what was classified? Are you sure it was using ectoplasm?” Jazz asked as she stood far from Danny, but still in the vicinity of the shield. She was dangling a stick out of arms length, ready to spray a tiny bit of the ghost repellent at the end of the stick. They only needed a small sample. No need in making Danny miserable. He should recover from it quickly if they couldn’t find a solution.

“Substance of the matter is unknown by our database, but after what information I had gathered from here, that it is indeed one in the same.” Batman explained, “Power levels matching the levels in this area.” Danny furrowed his brows, as he leaned his back against the log, sitting on the ground next to where Batman sat on the log. “Hmm. That’s odd. Our parents don’t sell converters or batteries, since they haven’t fixed the whole food coming back to life thing.” The what? Batman quickly shoved that thought aside. “Yeah. We would know to, because Dad wouldn’t shut up about it.” Jazz started spritzing the stick trying her best not to get any on her. She didn’t want another trip into the lake. “And we would have known if one got stolen.” Between Danny’s hero work, Jazz’s cataloging of inventions, and their parents ridiculous security system, it be hard to steal from them too. Danny pulled his legs to his chest hugging them, resting his cheek on his knees. “So that leaves us with Axion Labs or the GiW?” He didn’t like the idea of that. Danny didn’t need everyone getting their hands on ghost tech. Let alone Gotham. He could only imagine how many ghosts would form or feed from there, if it had an increase of ectoplasmic energy. Danny shivered. Batman squinted his eyes, both were unfamiliar to him. Axion Labs briefly came up in his research, but it was label as an organic material replacement research facility. Though, now that he thought about it, there was little to any information on what Axion Labs specifically made or researched about. He should of looked more into it. That was a lapse in his judgment. Now the GiW, he never heard of them at all. “GiW?” “Oh um, they’re a secret government organization that deals with ghost. We call them the guys in white, mostly because they’re always dressed in white suits.” Danny explained motion with his hands. “We think their official title might be called the Ghost Investigation Ward, but we’re not sure.” Jazz chimed in. “I never heard of that agency.” Batman frowned into his hand, deeply. He had on file every government funded organization, fraction, and office. How did an entire organization slipped past the cracks. “Not surprising. We didn’t either until they started showing up in Amity Park.” Danny grumbled into his knees. That’s odd. Batman felt the wheels turning, he have to look into them more. He guessed by how Danny reacted to mentioning GiW, that they had a negative affect on their lives. “Honestly, they’re always causing more harm than good. The GiW loves to flaunt their new devices, but they don’t take security lightly. And Axion Labs was bought out by VladCo, who also doesn’t take security lightly. Though to be honest, he needs to update his password.” It had been something related to Maddie since Danny and Tuck started hacking into his systems.

“Vlad Masters?” Bruce knew the man. He always avoided business with him. There were a lot of rumors circulating through the elite about the man, but even with his detective work, he found nothing amiss. Business deals just too conveniently going his way. Danny hesitated on answering as he realized he might be revealing too much. What if Batman drew the connection between Vlad and Plasmius. “Yeah. Vlad was a college friend of our parents.” Jazz walking closer to the two, the ghost repellent left on the ground from where she had sprayed the stick. Trying to keep Danny’s distance from it. “Ok, the sticks ready.” “I’m not going to do a control.” Danny glaring at the stick. He could smell it a bit from here. Batman nodded, as he pulled a small gas mask from his belt. He only had one for himself, as he hadn’t planned on needing more than one. At least not on hand. “Why do you have a-” Batman raised a brow at Danny. Danny just chuckled awkwardly in response, realizing how dumb that question is. “Many of my rogues use specialized chemical gas as weapons.” Batman decided to explain anyways as he handed Danny the mask. It was a little too big for Danny, but it would do for the test. Jazz waited for the ‘ok’ from her brother, before wagging the stick in his face. “You look like you’re having too much fun with that stick, Jazz.” Danny huffed as he held the mask in place. “The sisterly urge to poke you with a stick is still strong, brother. And I have doubt it shall ever die.” “Well, it still stinks, but I think that’s because the smell been burnt into my nostrils.” Danny sniffed. “Any physical reactions?” “No, not really.” Besides the normal discomfort of smelling anything rotten, Danny didn’t feel ill like he had instantly when their parents sprayed it. “Definitely not feeling sick like before- Oh shi-shoot!” Danny clumsily dropped the mask. Jazz quickly tossed the stick far behind her in panic, hearing the stick snap against a tree. “Sorry,” Danny picked up the mask, making sure it was ok. He brushed off any dirt then he handed it back to Batman. “Its fine. We’ll adjust it.” He fiddled with the straps. “As long as it work.” “Yeah, wish I had thought of that.” “Danny, it wouldn’t have worked. Mom and Dad sprayed EVERYTHING remember? I had to double check the food didn’t get spritzed!” Jazz groaned, she was the one who had to scrub everything clean for the week. It had been very stressful vacation for her. Batman kept his stare on the mask. Why would their parents keep using a product that obviously gave their child discomfort? Unless... “Do your parents know?” Danny froze, face paling. His eyes searching his sister for help, she was just as paralyzed with panic. “Uh, a-about what?” Batman frowned, “About your contamination?” “Oh! That-” Danny felt a bit of relief, trying to hide the deep breath he let out. Jazz did the same, with her hand over her heart. Danny cursed, maybe they gotten too comfortable. “Uh.. they do... just uh..” Danny wasn’t sure how to word this, eyes pleading with his sister again for help. This time she was able to respond. “They don’t know how badly contaminated he is. They know their devices malfunction around him, but not sure why. Its kind of hard to tell them anything about ectoplasm or ghosts.” “How come? They are experts in this field, correct?” “Tch, yeah. They get proven one thing right and now everything they ever said or theorized about ghost is also true.” Danny huffed, then flinched as Jazz bumped her foot into Danny’s leg. A signal to watch what he said. Right, they were with Batman. World’s greatest detective. That thought just now settled into his brain. They were with the world’s greatest detective, who was investigating an ectoplasmic battery that lead him to ghost, knew Jazz and Danny can fight ghost as well as had extensive knowledge of them, and he was going to help them fight Plasmius. He was going to find out. They were going to turn on him. Danny didn’t want to be chased by heroes! It was bad enough he got gunned down by his parents and the

government daily. “Mom and Dad have a large bias against ghosts and are a bit... extreme with the subject. So its hard to tell them anything without it either being blown out of proportion ooooorrr... dismissed with “logical reasoning”. If they don’t start talking non-stop at the word ghost first. T-they don’t mean to but uh.. yeah.” Jazz knew her parents on paper were textbook definition of neglectful. Their absent mindedness and hyper fixation on ghost caused the majority of the Fenton children’s problems. They were constantly endangering their children’s lives despite all their safety lectures and protocols. Danny was a living example of it, or not living example. However, Danny and Jazz still loved them. They were goofy and loving, they just loved their work and hated ghosts more. Even if they both denied it. Even though they would fight to end of the earth for their kids, they would always return straight back to work with a tool in their hand. It was something Jazz and Danny accepted. Batman nodded, gripping the strap tight in his hand. He was liking it less and less about the Fenton situation. Even more so to know it had been going on for a while. He never even knew. Once back home, he’ll have to double check his systems files one by one to make sure they were accurate and up to date. That there wasn’t any missing or false information. Though he swore to clean up Gotham, this was something that should have came to the league’s attention. Batman side glance towards the boy who seemed to curl up into himself. It hurt, having just seen the boy relaxed by his side a moment ago. Batman looked back up at Jazz. She was standing firmly in place, strictly in protective mode. No doubt because of her brother. Jazz was trying to decipher Batman’s reaction. “Hmm. I see.” Batman choosing his words carefully. The kids were on the defensive. “I’m sorry that they don’t listen.” He had to learn that lesson. More than once. Bruce couldn’t recall all the times Dick or Alfred had to pull him out of his head. Though he could recall some of his fondest moments were when he sat down and just listened to his children talk. Their one on ones. Like when Tim was questioning his place as a Robin, or Jason back when he was a Robin telling him about his life before Bruce. Even just mundane talks like when Dick calls just to say hi and tell him about a new restaurant, show, or about the weather, as his way to have a small break from family and vigilante life. Stephanie sitting him down to teach him current slang or about a viral meme. Damian talking about injustice of not allowing pets in school, or swords.

There were even moments that they didn’t need to talk to be listened to. Duke just needing comfort of someone standing beside him. Or when Cass sneak into his office, pulling up a chair to sit on and rest her head on his shoulder as he worked.

They just needed to know they were there and welcomed. And they were some of Bruce’s favorite moments. Jazz was stunned, furrowing her brows as if she didn’t hear that right. She shuffled in her spot after a moment to regain composure. Her shoulders were visibly more relaxed with a soft smile growing on her face. “Thank you.” Danny never lifted his head up from his arms, but he was confused. What did Batman have to be sorry for? Not his fault their parents on/off switch was ghosts. That’s just how they were. “What are your views on ghost?” Batman asked. These kids didn’t agree with their parents bias about ghost. Whether he knew what the bias was or not didn’t matter. Though it would appear negative. And so far, he trusted these kids more about the subject than these unknown parents of theirs. He definitely would like to have a word or two with them by the end of this. Danny raised his head shocked, glancing at Jazz who just smiled happily. Her eyes glistening. Danny rubbed the back of his neck looking away from either of them, feeling awkwardness creep up. Had, nobody really asked them that? Huh. Weird. “Uhhh, They’re just.. like anyone else. Some ghosts were people or animals with a cruddy end in a place with high ectoplasmic levels. Most just want to live their life... afterlife? doing what they never was able to before. Sometimes they cause trouble but uh.. most just stick to themselves." Danny blew out some air. He never really put to words how he thought about ghosts. Kind of weird seeing as he was one. Half of one, to think of them as just ghosts. At least ever since Jazz’s intervention, when she saw Danny having a crisis in the middle of the night, worrying (Crying) that he was a monster because his eyes were constantly glowing outside of ghost form and he was growing fangs. That was, one heck of a week... month. All about accepting that he was still Danny and not Dan, nor a monster because he didn’t see other ghosts as monsters either. Something about how their parents bias rubbed off on him, blah blah. “Majority of them don’t even leave the ghost zone.” Danny continued. “Ghost... zone?” “Dimension ghosts and ectoplasm come from, its connected to our world. There are pockets all over the world that can open up any time any place. ” Jazz sat down on the log, on Danny’s other side. Her hand going to mess with their brother’s hair, mostly just to fiddle with something in her hand. Danny frowning but making no effort to make her stop. Batman just hummed in response. So much new information. He would like to dive in deeper, but they had to focus more on what was relevant. “And what about the ones that don’t stay in the ghost zone?” “They want to have fun, at least that’s how Ember puts it- sh-” “Ember is a rockstar ghost who manipulates people with her music. She’s usually pretty chill when she isn’t trying to indulge in her obsession. Obsessions what gives ghost purpose.” Jazz explained before Batman could ask. Danny giving her a weird look, but Jazz just gave a reassuring smile at him. Batman must have passed some invisible test for her. “Uh.. yeah. Its because of their obsessions, or boredom they tend to sneak out of the Ghost Zone to cause some mayhem. Pain in the butt. There only a handful we met that want to cause harm or death on people.” Danny still giving a strange look at his sister, trying to figure out what made Jazz soo calm? “Plasmius is one of those?” Danny glancing back at Batman, biting his lip. ”...kind of.. yeah. Though his is.. or was more personal. He’s kind of a strange topic.” “Strange or uncomfortable?” Danny blinked, “Uh.. b-both?” Batman handed back the mask once the straps were adjusted for Danny to try again. Jazz helping from where she sat, adjusting it a bit more to see how it fit. They would test it again against the repellent, seeing how much the mask can filter out before Danny felt ill. None of them really speaking, but the silence was comfortable. Bruce reached up to turn his comm back on. He needed to hear them again, besides once they reach

the coordinates they won’t be able to communicate again til they landed. --- Dick was at the helm of the plane, humming to himself as he flew. Damian was curled up in his seat, already having stolen some of the snacks from Alfred’s basket, examining each one out of boredom. He was trying not to look interested in the game Jason and Tim were playing. Jason sat leaned back in his seat, legs spread and an arm hanging off the back of his chair. Tim sat semi crossed legged, leaning over as he debated his next move. They both held cards in their hands and a crate was shoved between them to use as a table. They were chatting with Steph over the comm. “All I’m saying, he looks way to weak! There’s no way.” Steph said over the comm, staring at the picture of the Fenton family that popped up on the screen. She had been bragging about being right since it appeared. “And who be loosing money if that was the case, me not you! I still bet 50 bucks and a burger he’s a heck of a fighter. You don’t need to be strong if you have a weapon. Little demon spawn proof of that.” Jason tossing a card down. “I can end you with my bare hands.” “Yeah, yeah, in five years maybe.” “Don’t start fighting. We got to at least get there in one piece.” Dick sparing a glance between Jason and Damian. Tim stated as he laid down a card. “Uno.” “No! Bullshit. You just had five.” “Yeah, so I reversed, skipped, reverse, skipped, and had to draw. Got a wild card, so now its green.”

“Fuck this game. Hey, demon brat come play. You been eyeballing us for last 10 minutes. Game better with more people.” Jason having to pick up five cards before he got a green. “It has not been 10 minutes.” Damian huffed. Tim laying down his last card with a ‘whoop!’. “Also, I think Danny’s probably a vigilante.” “Your opinion is only valid if you bet on it.” Steph huffed. “You already got 30 bucks off of me, Steph!”

“Gotta put a penny to your thoughts for them to be heard, red bird. Preferably not a penny though, because that’s lame and we are going through inflation.” “Fine, another 30 he’s a vigilante.” Tim shook his head as he watched Jason stomp off to find some “real” cards. “50- he’s self taught.” Cass popped out behind Tim, who dropped all the cards he was attempted to put up. “Gah! Cass!” The other 3 birds jumping at her voice, letting out a screech of their own. “Cass? When did you-” “She has been with you since you left the bat cave. Also we might need to try contacting Bat’s soon. I found some information about the Fenton family and that there is a town in Illinois, called Amity Park but... I only get a few sentences and articles in before I’m kicked out or the information corrupts.” Barbara stated with concern. “Its kind of creepy. The files go all VHS filter on ya, then deletes it stuff. Almost like watching a horror flick to be honest.” “I might hold off on getting anymore information, until B can look at it, or someone can go to see the town in person. I’m running system for viruses now.” “Someone doesn’t want anyone to know about the town.” Dick stated the obvious with a frown. “So these kids... have bigger troubles, huh?” Jason huffed, hands in his pockets. “What did you find out about the Fentons, besides that Danny has black hair and blue eyes?” Tim asked. “Jack and Madeline Fenton, are self-employed scientist and inventors with a degree in the paranormal. They are considered mad by the scientific community, but experts with in their own field of study.” “Get this! Says that they’re ghost hunters and have been hunting ghosts for 20 years. Crazy right?” “Yea, the dead coming back to life? Insane.” Jason snorted. “Er... I guess you have a point. B-but ghosts aren’t the same... right?” Damian frowned, “Grandfather... never said anything about ghosts.” “What else Babs?” Dick pressing to try and see if Batman was online yet. “Well, only other thing I was able to cook up is medical records. Apparently Daniel Fenton was taken to the hospital shortly before his freshman year. About two years ago. He showed signs of electrical burns and hypothermia. Doesn’t say what caused it.” “Fuck.” They all grimaced. “Why did Duke decide to power nap now? Just when we found out Danny’s probably a meta!” “Looks like he won’t be the only one in the manor. I doubt Father is going to ignore that.” Damian sighed. “We don’t know the specifics.. but.. that’s not looking good. We’ll let B know, try to rest up when you can. We’ll keep you updated.” “Affirmative. Be careful. We don’t have a third plane up and ready.” “Will keep that in mind.” Dick weakly chuckled. Everyone grew silent. Jason had returned to his seat, kicking his feet up on the crate, arms crossed. Tim resting his chin in his hand in thought. Cass leaning against controls, with a grimace still showing on her face. Damian had pulled his legs up to his chest, pouting. This was going to be more than a simple rescue mission. “Soooo Abba?” “NO DICK!” Dick already was reaching to play some music, all of them scrambling to take it away from him. Then they heard a click. Batman was back on. Dick reaching hand up to his ear. “How far away are you?” Before Dick could reply, Jason and Damian were already blowing up Bat’s comm.

[daniclaytcn]

dancing in a snow globe 'round and 'round

title: dancing in a snow globe 'round and 'round

Summary: Eddie mock-glares at him. “You’re a coward, starting something when you know I can’t retaliate since you’re holding your niece.”

Buck smirks smugly. “This little one will protect me,” He says and bends down to nuzzle her head, making her burst out into giggles. Eddie has to look away abruptly, something inexplicably warm and fuzzy building in his chest, a feeling of want so strong he thinks his heart might burst.

ao3 link

a/n: look at me, jumping back into the writing game after i don't even know how long. thank you @malikjavaddzayn for reading this as i wrote it and being so sweet!

also tagging: @evaneddie @matan4il

As Eddie lets himself into Buck’s apartment, he is instantly greeted with the high-pitched wails of a crying baby and the sight of his best friend looking minutes away from beginning to cry himself as he bounces his niece in his arms. Eddie bites back a smile, closing the door behind him.

“I thought you said this was an emergency,” He teases. Buck looks up, his expression morphing from one of relief to a glare.

“Make yourself useful and help me,” Buck all but whines. “She won’t stop crying and I don’t know what to do, I tried feeding her and it didn’t work. Her-her diaper doesn’t need to be changed and I-I don’t know, am I hurting her? Why did Maddie let me babysit? I’m terrible at this!”

“Alright, alright,” Eddie quickly goes to Buck and gently takes Baby Joy out of his arms. Buck lets go hesitantly and his eyes become comically wide as Joy begins to quiet down almost instantly when Eddie cradles her in his arms.

“You’re kidding me,” He says, looking betrayed. “How did you do that?”

“You’re stressed out and panicking,” Eddie says patiently. “Which means you’re stressing her out in return. Babies can sense that sort of thing, you know.” A smirk appears on his face. “Unless she just prefers me to you,” He looks down at Joy, cooing at her. “You prefer me to your Uncle Buck, don’t you, honey?”

“I hate you,” Buck grumbles, sinking down into the couch. “I’ll have you know that I’ll always be her favorite.”

“I’m surprised Albert isn’t fighting you for that title.”

“Hah! He can try.”

“Where are Chim and Maddie, anyway?”

“Date night,” Buck replies, reaching out for Joy again, sighing in relief when Eddie gives her back and she doesn’t immediately start crying again, instead just reaching up and fisting her little hand in his shirt. He all but melts, smiling dopily down at her. She really is a little angel when she isn’t screaming loud enough to wake half of Los Angeles.

“It’s their first night out since Joy was born,” He continues, looking up at Eddie now that he’s sure Joy’s not going to throw another tantrum. “I offered to babysit, and, well…”

Eddie looks amused as he sits down next to Buck, stretching his arm over the back of the couch, his thigh pressing into Buck’s. “Just because she happened to have a crying fit while you happened to be babysitting doesn’t mean you’re terrible at this, you know. Babies cry sometimes. It’s been known to happen.”

Buck pouts at him. “Stop making fun of me.”

Eddie tries to keep a straight face and fails miserably. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Careful not to dislodge Joy, Buck picks up a couch cushion and throws it at Eddie’s face. Eddie mock-glares at him.

“You’re a coward, starting something when you know I can’t retaliate since you’re holding your niece.”

Buck smirks smugly. “This little one will protect me,” He says and bends down to nuzzle her head, making her burst out into giggles. Eddie has to look away abruptly, something inexplicably warm and fuzzy building in his chest, a feeling of want so strong he thinks his heart might burst.

It's been a while since Eddie had come to the long overdue realization that the feelings he had for his best friend might not have been as platonic as he’d thought. It had dawned on him, ironically enough, while he had been dating Ana Flores. As smart and kind and pretty as she was, no amount of time they spent together had ever made him feel as at home and carefree and…safe, even, as coming back home after every single date with her, to see Buck either on his couch playing with Christopher or waiting with a cup of coffee and a soft smile long after Chris was in bed. The moment he’d started realizing that was the moment he started noticing everything else, the way they were constantly in sync in everything they did; be it tiding up Buck’s living room after movie night with Christopher or out in the field, doing their jobs and saving lives. The way he gravitated to Buck, constantly in his orbit, wanting to share any piece of good or exciting news or even random trivia with him, first, and no one else. The way watching Buck with his son sometimes moved him so much, he’d need a moment to compose himself, to hide the feelings he felt must show so plainly on his face, clear for the world to see.

After that, he had to break up with Ana. And he still hasn’t done anything about his feelings, because, well…

Well, Eddie has never claimed to be brave when it comes to matters of the heart. There’s a reason why Buck has teasing called him ‘emotionally constipated’ more than a couple of times.

There’s a knock on the door, bringing Eddie out of his musings. Buck perks up.

“I ordered us some pizza before you got here,” He says and nods to his wallet on the coffee table. “Could you go get it?”

Eddie is relieved to do so, convinced that he won’t be able to conceal the extent of his affections the longer he keeps watching Buck with Baby Joy. As he takes the pizza from the delivery guy, he hears Joy begin to fuss again and doesn’t even need to look over his shoulder to know that Buck is panicking. He can’t help but chuckle.

The delivery guy peers around the doorway and smiles at what Eddie presumes is Buck with Joy. “Newborn, eh?”

“Yeah,” Eddie laughs fondly as he pays him. “She’s got quite the pair of lungs on her.”

The delivery guy shakes his head with an endeared smile. “Looks like you and your husband have your hands full.”

Eddie stills at the innocuous remark and before he can say anything, the delivery guy has bid him goodbye and left. He closes the door slowly, frozen in place.

It’s not an unreasonable assumption, he thinks. Hell, it’s probably one he would make himself. It shouldn’t be that surprising that people look at him and Buck, with a baby between them and automatically think they’re together. He wouldn’t be surprised if the same thing has happened whenever Buck has joined him and Christopher on any of their outings.

No, what is surprising, somehow despite the fact that he knows he has feelings for his best friend, is how desperately he wants it to be true. How much he wants Buck to be with him and Christopher, the three of them a family; how easy it is to envision it and scarily enough, how easy it is to go even further and see them many years along the line, still together, possibly even with another child-

“Eddie?” Buck’s voice sounds in equal parts amused and concerned. “Are you just gonna stand there with the pizza all day?”

Eddie turns to face him. Joy seems to have calmed down, since Buck has placed her back in her crib. Taking a step towards him, Buck must see some of the existential crisis playing out in Eddie’s head right now on his face because he quickly takes the pizza from him and sets it down.

“Hey, man,” All traces of amusement are gone from his face now. “What’s wrong?”

There are a number of things that Eddie wants to say. That he should say. He knows he shouldn’t jump into something without thinking about it properly, especially after the disaster that was him moving too fast and too recklessly with Ana.

And yet.

This isn’t just anyone. This is Buck.

And Eddie isn’t even perfectly sure that Buck even feels the same way, but-

He’s never felt quite so compelled to just go for it, to throw caution to the wind and be brave for once as he does now.

Slowly, Eddie sways into Buck’s space, cupping the back of his neck and pressing his forehead to his. He feels Buck exhale sharply, stiffening for a brief moment, before melting into his hold.

“Eddie,” Buck breathes, his voice breaking on the last syllable.

“Is this okay?” Eddie whispers, not quite sure what it is that he’s asking permission for.

Is it okay for me to touch you? Is it okay for us to cross that line? Is it okay that nothing is ever going to be the same again?

Are you sure you want me, baggage, demons and all?

Buck responds by closing the space between them and kissing him.

It’s soft and gentle and sweet, somehow both hesitant and confident at the same time, so much like Buck himself that Eddie smiles into the kiss, joyful laughter caught in his throat as he pulls him closer. They keep it at that, mindful of the fact that there’s a baby less than five feet away from them, not even kissing after a point but just swaying together, breathing in each other’s air.

“So, this is new,” Buck murmurs what may be twenty seconds or twenty years later.

Eddie hums. “Feels like we’ve been dancing around it for a lot longer than we’ve both realized.”

Buck chuckles. “I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way.” He admits. “And…I guess I was scared, too.”

Eddie pulls away slightly to look at him. “So was I,” He says quietly. “Hell, I still am. But…” He pauses momentarily, trying to find the words. “I think we can be good together. We are good together.”

Buck’s responding smile is like sunshine personified and Eddie can’t help but kiss it, lingering softly, just because he can.

“I guess we’re really doing this then,” Buck says, breathlessly when they part.

As if on cue, Joy begins to fuss again and Eddie laughs at Buck’s groan.

“I think she’s hungry,” Eddie says. “And our pizza is getting cold.”

“But we’ll talk later, right?” Buck asks, rather anxiously. “We need to figure this out-and work-and Christopher-“

The fact that Buck’s already thinking of Chris makes Eddie’s heart swell. “We will,” He assures him, taking his hand in his, smiling when Buck interlinks their fingers. “One thing at a time.”

Joy makes another disgruntled noise and Buck finally nods, his smile returning as he turns to check on her. And Eddie-Eddie cannot be happier.

And maybe, for once, he gets to keep this.

[avaritia-apotheosis]

Phantom Children [DP x Batman Crossover]

Or: Once upon a time, Talia al Ghul gave her first child away to a family that would keep him safe. But Danny Fenton is more like his parents than anyone realized, and Ra's al Ghul is very curious of his grandson who defied death till the very end.

Posted onto ao3 but i also wanna share this here <3 Giving a huge disclaimer that it's been a while since I watched DP and the only Batman/DC stuff I've interacted with are B:TAS, the JL cartoons, and what I got from fandom osmosis so don't expect any sort of canon compliance.

CW for non-explicit mentions of a car accident and fake character death

| AO3 | [Prologue] | 1 |

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DANIEL JAMES FENTON WAS DEAD. Or, at least, dead-er, though only very few people would know of that fact.

His body was found at the bottom of a cliff, under a particularly sharp turn on a very windy road. The car he had been driving crumpled like an assignment found at the bottom of a backpack that was two weeks due. He is found by a search party two days after he had been reported missing; the authorities ended up identifying him from his driver’s license, tucked away safe in his back pocket.

His funeral is a closed casket, attended by his family who grieves and two best friends who are vehemently in denial of it all. People from school came, too. By twos and threes, small groups coming too offer their condolences and say such empty platitudes of how he lightened up the room and was always there to make everyone laugh.

Here is one truth they say: Casper High will never be the same without him.

(It’s funny, isn’t it? For a school so enamored with ghosts, they rarely spared a thought for death.)

In the days after the funeral, Jack and Maddie Fenton will pour their souls over their research with renewed fervor. Heads hunched over jargon-filled papers. Mugs half-empty with black coffee microwaved for the nth time. Before, they viewed their hell-damned portal as a scientific marvel, a new era in the world of paranormal sciences. One to be measured and experimented on and scienced to exhaustion, until the mystery of ghost and everything associated with it can be explained by theorems and equations and diagrams.

Now, though. Now they look at the green depths with a glint of madness in their eyes. Surely not all ghosts are just ectoplasm with a conscience. Surely at least some of those ghosts might have been different—alive.

All those myths of traversing the realm of the dead had to come from somewhere, right?

Sam and Tucker think along the same lines, except unlike the Fentons they know much more about the secrets of the Ghost Zone. Danny Fenton was dead. But he was already dead, and it seemed too ludicrous—even for someone with Danny’s luck—to die twice. They search what they can of the Zone, call in favors from any of Danny’s ghostly contacts that they can reach to find him. Hell, they even worked with Vlad.

Jazz handles the news best.

No.

That’s a lie.

Her baby brother died and there is no way that anyone would take that news well. But she has to. Where Danny was the heart, she was the family’s pillar. The one that knows how to keep a level head, the one that kept their family full of eccentric geniuses and more-than-human children grounded in some sense of normalcy. She would drag her parents out of their lab and teach them how to cope. Coach them through their stages of grief because Danny wouldn’t have wanted this.

And Jazz was right. Danny didn’t want this. Any of this.

His friends and family are balancing on the knife’s edge and they don’t know. They have no clue.

“Daniel, you will exhaust yourself for tomorrow.”

Danny blinked, tilting his head towards the speaker, eyes glued to the multiple monitors that hung on the wall. “You promised me an hour. I still have ten minutes left.”

“And tomorrow’s training will be more rigorous than the last—but it is your choice, I suppose.” Strong, slender fingers trace the width of his shoulders. Thumbs circling the spot between his shoulder blades. “They will still be there tomorrow. And the day after that. And for many more days to come, I assure you.” Danny snorted. “But if you are not well rested, then there I can’t guarantee the same thing for you.”

Danny leaned away from her touch with a grimace. “You can’t kill what’s already dead, Talia. And besides,” he looked up at her, eyes glowing like the Lazarus pit, “you wouldn’t leave your son to die for very long, yeah?”

Talia al Ghul smiled.

Danny looked away, focusing his gaze back to the live feed of his parents being dragged out of the lab by Jazz. Their faces haggard and empty except for that manic glint in their eyes.

He missed them. Missed them so much.

But Daniel James Fenton is dead.

And forcefully torn out of his husk is Daniel al Ghul.

[extasiswings]

And part 2.  Part 1 is here.  Also on ao3. See, I said you could trust me. 

Eddie feels like an asshole. 

He hates fighting with Buck, inevitably regrets everything he says when tensions are running high—and they had been. He’d been blindsided the night before when Christopher had stopped him before bed and asked dad, are you dating someone? He’d been avoiding that conversation, hadn’t been ready to have it, hadn’t even known how to start it. And even though he stumbled through it successfully enough, he was still—

He hadn’t slept well, spending the night staring up at the ceiling stewing, uncomfortable and upset for reasons he didn’t even really understand. It was just—what the fuck?  Buck can go out with whoever he wants, including apparently Taylor Kelly, and that doesn’t warrant a conversation about what that means for his own relationship with Christopher, but he felt the need to put himself in charge of talking to Chris about what Eddie dating means? 

Eddie’s not going anywhere, he’s the parent. Buck’s the one who doesn’t have to stick around, the one who can walk away whenever he wants to, who can fall in love with whoever he wants and leave—

It’s not fair. And on some level he knows that. But—what was it Buck said after everything with his parents and Maddie? That it’s easier to lash out at the people you know will forgive you? 

...yeah, it’s easier to fight with Buck than look too hard at why exactly he’s so upset at the idea of Buck not always being there. 

But after the shift, he doesn’t feel any better. He just feels like hell. And as he sits in his truck thinking more about why he hadn’t wanted to tell Christopher in the first place, he pulls out his phone and makes a call. 

It’s easy. Simple. There’s no yelling, no drama. 

He tells Ana she’s a wonderful woman—which is true—but that he’s just not in the best place to be dating—which is mostly true—and she says she completely understands and wishes him well, and that’s the end of it. 

It ends and he’s not sad—it barely even registers—which really says about all there is to say. And Eddie goes home and thinks about how the hell he’s going to fix things with Buck. 

He still doesn’t have a clear plan the next morning, but he figures starting with coffee can’t hurt. He knocks on Buck’s door just before eight—he has a key, but with everything...well it’s easier to knock.

Buck opens the door looking rough, unshaven with dark circles under his eyes, and stops. 

“Hey.”

Eddie swallows hard and holds out the coffee cup like a peace offering. 

“I broke up with Ana,” he says, and Buck takes the coffee, stepping aside to let Eddie in. 

Although, that doesn’t stop him from asking—

“Before or after you bit my head off yesterday?”

Eddie winces. “After. Last night.”

“I’m sorry,” he adds after a beat.  He and Shannon never said that much, more often than not fell into the don’t apologize, just sleep it off school of fighting, which rarely fixed anything, just let things get pushed down to fester until some future barb cut deep enough to uncover them again.  But he wants to say it.  He needs to say it.  So, he does. 

Buck looks down at the coffee cup, takes a sip in the silence—then he shakes his head. 

“You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.”  His voice is hollow, accepting, and Eddie hates it.  Because he doesn’t want to be right, he doesn’t care about technicalities, about accuracy.  There have been times when he’s needed to play the I’m his parent card—usually when he needs his parents to back the hell off—but it’s not something he likes to do.  It’s not something he’s ever enjoyed doing.

Especially not with Buck.  

“Maybe, but—I still shouldn’t have said it like that. So. I’m sorry.” 

Buck looks at him for a moment.  “I’m sorry, too,” he says finally.  “Whether he knew or not, you’re right that how he feels about you dating—that’s something for the two of you to discuss and it wasn’t my place to bring it up.  I overstepped.”

“I want him to be able to talk to you,” Eddie replies.  “I know that there may be things that come up sometimes that he won’t want to talk to me about and I want him to be able to talk to someone he trusts if I’m not it, I just also don’t want you to feel—”

His tongue ties itself in knots as he looks away, searching for the right words, but they’re all a mess in his head and his throat, a tangled snarl of thoughts—I’m afraid that I’ve been leaning on you too much feeds into I don’t want to lose you which twines through I don’t know what I’m doing—all too much to spit out.  

Buck has a strange look on his face when Eddie looks back.

“Obligated?”  Buck fills in, and his tone is unreadable.

Eddie shrugs.  “I’ve been doing this alone for a long time,” he says.  And I’m tired, he thinks. 

The strange look doesn’t go away—Buck’s brow furrows like he’s trying to figure out a complicated puzzle.

“You know you can trust me to stick around though...don’t you?”

“I—”  It’s dangerous, the highwire he’s walking on, the thin line between I want and I shouldn’t, the whisper reminding him that he never gets to keep the things he wants.

“Eddie?”  Buck prompts.

“I don’t expect your next serious girlfriend to be super comfortable with you helping to parent someone else’s kid, no,” Eddie admits, and waits for the other shoe to drop.

But it doesn’t.

“You’re an idiot,” Buck says.  And Eddie blinks.

“What?”

“I said you’re an idiot,” he repeats.  “If you think I wouldn’t pick Christopher over some random hypothetical woman—and they are all only hypothetical right now—if you think I would get serious with someone who refused to understand that you’re in my life, that he’s in my life—I—you’re an idiot.  Why wouldn’t I put him first?”

“His own mother didn’t.”

“Yeah, well—I’m not Shannon,”  Buck’s voice is steady, and his eyes soften as he adds— “You let me into his life.  You let me be part of your family—you’re my best friend and I know I’m not his dad, but I’m not just going to walk away from that.  I love—”

Eddie’s breath catches.  Buck cuts off and looks away, clearing his throat.

“—Christopher,” Buck finishes.  

Eddie’s pulse is racing, blood rushes in his ears, and he tries to breathe and put his world right, return it to the balance that existed before he thought Buck was about to say—

It was a stupid thought anyway.  He has no reason to think it, but he can’t stop wondering—            

“Why did you break up with Ana?” Buck asks.  The question cuts through Eddie’s reverie and his throat closes for a moment.  Because he’s been turning that question over in his head for hours and while the answer is simple, it also feels...messy.  Especially in this moment.  Like it leads down a path he’s afraid to examine too closely, a slippery slope that goes...he’s not sure where.  But he owes Buck honesty, so he swallows hard and admits—

“I realized I didn’t want her to meet Christopher as my girlfriend. And I didn’t think I ever would.”

Another odd look flickers across Buck’s face.

“She seemed kind of perfect for you,” Buck says.  “Pretty and smart and stable—”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees.  “But she wasn’t what I wanted.”

“So...what do you want?”

A single word whispers through his mind, catches in his throat.  And maybe he is an idiot, because he can be brave when it comes to any number of other things—running into burning buildings or downed helicopters, scaling walls and talking down impersonators who steal firetrucks—and yet, when it comes to this—

“I—”

Buck sets the coffee down and takes a step forward, then another, closing the distance until he’s close enough to touch, until Eddie can feel the heat of him.  

“What do you want?”  Buck repeats quietly, his gaze searching, and Eddie still can’t manage to make the words come.  But something flickers in Buck’s eyes before they settle on resolve and he nods.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Buck laughs and Eddie doesn’t have a chance to ask why before he’s being kissed.  

Oh.

And words may be difficult, but that he can do. 

“For the record,” Buck says when he pulls back.  “I don’t want to date anyone but you.”

“Well, that’s convenient,” Eddie replies, and pulls him down to kiss him again.

When they tell Christopher, they tell him together.  

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

[butgilinsky]

10 angst w mat

a/n; UPDATE MADDIE YOU CHANGED MY LIFE W THIS READ MORE THING ✋😩 anyways enjoy mwah ily

10. Today I drove through the suburbs and pictured I was driving home to you. - Olivia Rodrigo (driver’s license)

he remembered the laugh that tumbled past your lips when he told you to sit back down, that you were being unsafe.

“you’re only going like 10 mph, maty.” the nickname he once hated sounded so sweet dripping off of your tongue. it was one of the things that easily allowed people who knew mat to realize just how fucked he was for you. he had never let anyone else ever call him that, claiming it made his skin crawl. now he thinks it was just the universe’s way of warning him. if she was the one that was supposed to use it everyday, maybe that’s why it sounded so horrendous coming from everyone else.

“10 miles over the speed that warrants no seatbelt!” you rolled your eyes but smiled. mat was a worrier, and you had trouble recognizing when things were more dangerous than you made them out to be. you sat back in your seat to please the boy who was anxiously chewing on his tongue and pressed a firm kiss to his cheek. he’d return it, but he was watching the road to make sure no kids or animals popped up out of nowhere.

“i love you. even if you’re a worry wart.” he rolled his eyes but accepted the affirmation and easily slipped it back to you.

it hits him like a truck every now and then, that his passenger seat is empty and he has nowhere to actually go. there’s no one to point out brick houses that stand out to them or to make up scenarios that will most definitely never happen. he wants someone to lay their head in his lap despite the fact that the cup holders are digging into her back and it’s hard to avoid the fear shift. he misses you, misses your laugh that easily filled the air and never failed to bring a smile to his face. he misses feeling your hand rest on the back of his neck while your fingers thread themselves in and out of his hair.

he misses you, and i matter how many times he thinks of calling you or wishes your name will appear on his phone screen, he knows it’s a lost cause. he remembers the picture he recently saw on his instagram feed where your smile practically lit up an entire room while your arms were wrapped around someone that wasn’t him. he remembers the pair of hands that sat on your hips that didn’t belong to him and the caption that suggested you were as happy as ever.

and though that may be true, mat can’t help but miss you lying beside him while he looks up at his ceiling with a bottle of jack in his hand and your favorite record spinning on his turntable.

the ringing sounded far away as mat slipped into a state of distance, a state where the phone sounded miles away from him or like he was sitting underwater. he wasn’t surprised to get your voice mail, in fact he would’ve been more surprised if you had picked up. so he waited for the beep and started talking.

“hey, i know it’s a friday night and the likelihood of you even seeing this call is ridiculous. even if you did, i didn’t expect you to pick up. you never pick up anymore. i miss you. i miss you more than i wish i did, but i just can’t help it. i cook enough food for two and always end up staring at the left overs with a heart heavy enough to fall straight out of my ass. today I drove through the suburbs and pictured I was driving home to you. and then i got here and you weren’t here, and it hit me. you’re not coming back. no matter how much i sit and wait and stare at the front door, you’re not going to come home. the bed feels cold, and the sheets are never as soft as they used to be. maybe i do the laundry wrong, or maybe it’s just because you’re not here. everything feels wrong without you and i don’t know how to-“

it wasn’t the first time he’d been cut off by a second beep, a way to tell him that he’d rambled for too long and he’d filled your voice mail box with tens of messages you probably don’t listen to. mat stared at his phone and wondered if he should call again or if the blurry vision he was sporting due to the build up in his eyes was a sign to put the phone down and sulk all on his own.

he’d fall asleep that night with a lump in his throat and wet cheeks, wishing you were the thing propping his arm up rather than a half deflated pillow. he’d wake up in a confused state where he almost thought you were the noises he heard outside of the bedroom only to be let down by the fact that it was the tv that he forgot to turn off.

he’d drive through suburbs again and again after that, figuring that it was a healthy way for him to cope with the fact that he’d never buy one of these houses for you. you’d never wake him up by tugging open the curtains and presenting him with a bright smile and a cup of coffee. it was a harsh realization, one he was still working through, but he was trying. he was trying to move on and one day, driving through the suburbs didn’t make him feel sick to his stomach.

[evanoracronwell]

Life as he knew it

Buddie

"I want my daughter to have everything that I didn't have, Maddie; what we didn't have. I want her to have a childhood she'll remember with affection, Maddie, with a smile instead of sadness. I want my daughter to be happy."

ao3 (4/?)

The first week was... confusing.

You see, Buck knew how to take care of children. He did this all the time. With Denny and Nia, with Harry, and especially with Christopher. I mean, he babysat Christopher so many times he could do it with his eyes closed. So, Buck knew how to take care of kids; this wasn't rocket science, right? Right?! No! Wrong. Because Buck knew how to take care of children; walking and talking children. A baby was... something else.

Bella didn’t talk, she didn’t walk, she didn't go to the bathroom by herself, she didn't even let him know when she needed to go to the bathroom, and this is all on another level for Buck. Of course, he had help. Maddie taught him how to prepare the bath with the water at the correct temperature, she taught him how to bathe his daughter correctly and how to dress her. Carla taught him how to prepare the formula, to make sure it wasn’t too hot, and also taught him how to sanitize and care for the umbilical stump. Athena taught him all the lullabies she sang to May and Harry, while Bobby, apparently, found it necessary to start teaching Buck how to cook and prepare baby food from day one. Chimney went through an extensive list of all the movies he had found about babies and single dads and sometimes they even watched them together. Hen and Karen explained about all the stimulating toys for babies and which brands to buy, a list of the best stores, and they had even bought some toys for Bella already.

So you see, Buck had all the help he could ever need.

And then he had Eddie. Eddie, who came to the apartment every day when his shift ended, who would hold Bella in his arms while Buck showered. Eddie, who always brought Christopher with him because the boy was completely in love with the baby, and his daughter seemed to be delighted with him too; she would always make the most adorable sounds when she saw Christopher. Eddie who always brought lots of food...

"Don't worry, Abuela’s the one who cooked and had me bring it to you."

Eddie, who cared for his daughter with as much love as Buck cared for Chris. Eddie, who spent every night with him on the phone, because even though Bella was a calm baby and slept well, she still woke up at night hungry or with a dirty diaper, and Buck always took a while to get back to sleep after that; so they talked, about everything and nothing.

And in a way Buck didn't even think was possible, their friendship solidified even further. A week, just seven days, and it was enough to bring them even closer together.

By the second week, it became more...natural. Buck couldn’t even remember his life before he had had that baby in his arms. He started to believe it when his friends told him he would do well, that he was a natural. He loved waking up in the morning to the noises she made, especially the ones she made when he pretended to bite her feet while changing her diaper. Buck loved being on the living room floor with her’ Karen had given her a colorful and soft baby rug, and Buck could spend hours there, lying down and playing with her. He loved bathtime’ his daughter definitely loved the water, so bathtime was always a party where Buck sang all of the bath songs he had learned over the past few days. But what he really loved was the time he spent feeding her. Buck just loved having his little girl in his arms as she suckled the bottle, her beautiful, expressive blue eyes locked with his, her tiny hand gripping his finger with all the strength she had. That moment, that one wonderful moment was the part Buck loved most in his life.

Which was why, realizing that the week was nearing its end and that he would soon be going back to work, made Buck's heartache a little. Not that he didn’t trust Carla; he damn well knew his daughter couldn't be in more competent hands. But, well... they weren't his hands.

Bella loved Carla, however. Every day, the woman came to visit while Christopher was at school, even though Buck had said it wasn't necessary, that she wouldn't start babysitting until he got back to work. But still, she came every morning, and then in the late afternoon, if Eddie was on a shift, she came back with Christopher and they would go for a walk in the park next to Buck's building. Those walks were also Buck's favorite part of the day, mostly because Eddie joined them instead of Carla. They walked side by side, Buck pushing the baby carriage and Eddie carrying two bags on his shoulders - one for Bella and another one with food for them to eat when they arrived at the park-Christopher would go right up front, right next to Bella's stroller, because he narrated the entire ride for her and always told her some interesting facts he's learned. Buck couldn't help but smile knowing the boy had learned that habit from him.

This new routine between them was both strange and normal at the same time; it brought a feeling of peace to Buck that he still couldn’t fully understand. But he liked it, so he just accepted it as it was.

Everything was perfect. Buck may never have imagined this turn of events in his life, but he couldn't be happier.

Almost two weeks as a father. And like any father, he wanted the best for his daughter, especially when it came to comfort and safety. Which meant that an apartment was not the best housing option for them.

"Hold on, move out of the apartment? But Evan, you love it here !"

"Yeah, but Maddie, look at this place! It's not an ideal environment for a kid. I know Bella isn't walking yet, and yes, I also know it's going to take a while for that to happen. But sooner or later, it will, right? One day, she’ll start crawling and walking, and then this whole apartment will become a trap."

He walked from the kitchen to the living room with a few snacks in hand while his sister followed him holding drinks, and after they sat on the couch Buck checked that Bella was still sleeping in the stroller and then turned to his sister who was serving them both a glass of wine.

"I know, you're right. It's just that everything has been happening so fast for you. A house really is the best idea for you guys."

"I want my daughter to have everything that I didn't have, Maddie; what we didn't have. A house that really feels like home, a big backyard that won't just be an ornament for the neighbors to see, where she can run and play, a swing and maybe even a treehouse, a pool for her to learn how to swim. Space for a dog; do you remember? We've always wanted a dog. I want my daughter to have a childhood she'll remember with affection, Maddie, with a smile instead of sadness. I want my daughter to be happy."

"Oh honey, she will be. That little girl will be so happy, big brother. Because she has you for her father. I know we've all said that Buck, but I'll always keep saying it; no one in the world could be a better father than you."

"Everything I learned was from Bobby and especially from Eddie."

"Well, then you’ve learned really well. You're wonderful with Bella. Now, about the apartment…"

"I've already contacted a real estate agent, told them everything I'm looking for in a house and an acceptable price I'm willing to pay. Tomorrow, I'm going to see some houses."

"That was quick!"

"She probably liked my budget."

"Buck, that day you handed me your credit card and now the house...it was grandpa's bank account, wasn’t it?"

"Yeah, it's the bank account where my share of the inheritance was deposited when he died, and all the profits that are deposited from the businesses he left for the family."

"How much do you have left?"

"Everything! Mostly" Buck shrugged.

"Wait. Everything?! Buck! That's millions and..."

"I never needed it, Maddie. Grandpa died a few months after I ran away from Hershey; I was already far from here and with a job. At first, after the lawyer managed to get in touch with me, I didn't want to use the money. I wanted to live and support myself without the help of our family, to show myself that I didn't need anyone but me." Buck took a sip of wine and sighed. "And after that, I don't know, I honestly didn't need the money. The jobs I took around the world always paid enough to keep me going. I could buy clothes and food, I always had a place to sleep; I didn't lack anything, so I didn't use a single dollar of that money. I guess I just forgot, you know? Like I knew it existed, I knew I had the inheritance value and the company profits being deposited every month...I just, I didn't think about them, I didn't count on that money to support me."

"I can't believe you never used anything. I lost almost everything; Doug bought that huge and ridiculously expensive house, he managed all the money, and when I finally got the courage to run away from him, I managed to get some money out and ran away. After he died, I used what little was left in my account to rent and furnish that apartment."

"But now it's just your money, Maddie. Doug may have spent our grandpa's wealth, but the monthly profit that's deposited is now yours alone. He can't use that money anymore; only you can."

"I know, but sometimes I stop to think about it all and I get so angry, you know? If I hadn't been so dumb and blind none of this would have happened."

"Maddie, you can't keep blaming yourself for the things Doug did. Leave him in the past where he belongs."

"You're right. Let's forget about Doug. Let's go back to your house; are you excited? Have you told the others?"

"More excited than I thought I would be, but I haven't told anyone yet, you know, except you."

"Not even Eddie?"

"No, not about the house and not about the inheritance. But it's something I'm going to tell everyone as soon as I decide on which property I’m buying. I talked to Carla earlier; she's staying with Bella tomorrow morning while I take a look at the properties]. I told her I had a few things to take care of and she always comes here after dropping Chris off to class anyway."

"Oh shit, I'm so mad I have a shift tomorrow; I would love to be able to go with you."

"I would love that too, but hey, you can help me decorate!"

"I can't wait!"

House hunting was…definitely more fun than Buck had imagined.

Fun aside, he was concerned with analyzing each house with extreme care, ensuring that at the end of the day he would have decided on the perfect option; the house that would be his daughter's home, where she would grow up and be raised with all of the love that Buck had dreamed of receiving from his parents, where she would run around and have fun without worrying about being punished just for being a kid. And not just Bella; he also wanted a space where his friends would feel welcomed, a backyard with a good space for lunches and barbecues with the 118, a pool big enough for the kids to play in, and most of all, a place where Christopher would feel happy. t Buck could never choose a house without thinking about Chris and Eddie.

For a long time, Buck's home had been them; no matter where they were, Buck felt at home whenever he was with Chris and Eddie.

Now, he wanted a place where Chris and Eddie would feel at home, would feel like they belonged. Because they did.

[myemergence]

The Only Reason

Pairing: Ruckley, Russley, Jevan (Josh Russo/ Evan Buckley)

Series: 911 First Kiss Week

Rating: Teen

Summary: Lately, Josh has been celebrating every single ridiculous holiday. It started with Strawberry Rhubarb Pie Day and has quickly progressed into multiple holidays being celebrated each week. Buck finds himself going along with each celebration, until National Fried Chicken Day.

Buck has ideas about which holiday he’d like to celebrate with Josh instead.

Read it on AO3

@nurse-buckley thanks for the beta, love!

*

“I’m here! Dinner can begin,” Buck announced once he stepped inside Maddie and Chim’s, ignoring the way that Maddie rolled her eyes as he made his way past her.

“Contrary to what you might think, we weren’t waiting on you to start dinner,” Maddie said.

“Ouch, you wound me.” Buck pouted, holding a hand to his heart as he spotted Chimney on the couch with Jee-Yun. “Thankfully there is at least one person here that’s happy to see me.”

“She’s too little to know better, Buck.” Chim waited until Buck took Jee-Yun from his arms before joining Maddie in the kitchen, and Buck trailed behind them.

“Jee loves her Uncle Buck.” Chim smirked at Maddie and she let out a small laugh, then opened the oven to check on the chicken. Buck frowned at their obvious teasing before looking down at his niece. “Don’t you, sweetheart?” She cooed up at him, and Buck smiled at her.

“I honestly don’t know how either one of you gets anything done with this adorable little face to look at.”

When neither one of them responded, Buck looked up and found both of them watching him.

“What?” Buck asked with a pinched brow.

Chimney grinned. “She has you wrapped around her finger already.”

Buck rolled his eyes, then spotted several pies on the kitchen island. “Um, Jee hitting the sweets already?”

“No, those would be courtesy of Josh. Didn’t you hear that he has been celebrating everything lately?”

Buck pressed his lips together. “What do you mean by everything, Mads?”

“It started with Applesauce Cake Day, then the other day was Strawberry Rhubarb Pie Day. He made half a dozen for dispatch, and we only finished two of them. If you couldn’t tell that already by the number of pies that are on the counter, I brought the leftovers home… and you’re not even seeing the one that Chim polished off last night.”

“Well, I’m not gonna complain because they’re delicious,” Chim commented, as he finished preparing the salad.

“Maybe, but it’s also the reason that dinner tonight is so vegetable heavy. He should be celebrating National Vegetable Day instead.”

A short while later they finished up dinner, and Buck was helping Chim with the dishes, while Maddie got Jee-Yun ready for bed, feeding her in the living room.

“So, do you know if Josh is joining us later?” Buck asked casually, wiping down the plate.

Chimney tilted his head to the side a little to look at Buck more completely, holding another dripping plate. “Any particular reason you ask?” Buck shrugged, trying to go for casually interested but knowing he’d been utterly failing at it lately.

“I just wasn’t sure if I was going to be taking just your money, or his too.”

“You won’t be taking anyone’s money, because we know if Maddie is playing that she’s going to slaughter us all.” Buck laughed, knowing that Chimney was right, as he added the plate to the pile on the counter. “And to answer your question, he said he’d be over around 8, so you’ve got 5 minutes, give or take.”

Josh arrived a few minutes later, and Maddie met him at the door before leading him inside. Jee-Yun had already been put to bed, much to Josh’s disappointment. “I can’t believe you put her to bed before I got here.”

“Well next time get here earlier,” Maddie said with a roll of her eyes.

“I was busy, Maddie.”

Buck couldn’t help the teasing smile that spread across his face. “Were you baking more pies?”

“No,” Josh said, “it’s not Strawberry Rhubarb Pie Day anymore.” He raised an eyebrow.

“So you’re saying if we finish these off that you’re not going to make more?” Chim asked.

“That is exactly what I’m saying,” Josh replied with a laugh.

“Sorry, Chim.” Buck glanced over at his brother-in-law who sat beside him at the table, pouting. “I tried.”

“Howie!” Maddie scolded, smacking his arm lightly with exasperation. “I swear I’m going to make Buck take all of the leftovers to his place.”

And if Josh made them, Buck really wouldn’t mind.

*

Buck walked into Josh’s house and was immediately hit with the overwhelming aroma of coconut. Josh had been planning to host a spa day at his place for a week now, with both Buck and Maddie coming over to reap the benefits of yet another celebration day, but Buck hadn’t been prepared to be hit by a wall of coconut.

Buck hated coconut, the smell and taste of it— but even more than that, the texture of shredded coconut was enough to gag about. Thankfully he was just there for a spa day, so he wouldn’t need to worry about that at least.

“I, uh, brought over some sliced cucumbers, even though Maddie said you didn’t need anything for today. She always uses these when she does a mask.”

“Too bad she won’t be here to benefit from them,” Josh said ruefully, to which Buck raised his eyebrow. “She had to bail, said Chimney had to work, and Jee had an appointment that she couldn’t miss.”

“She—” is a liar, Buck finished in his head, fighting off a frown. What the hell? “She’s really gonna miss out, huh?”

“Yeah, I mean I really catered today around things I know Maddie likes, but…” Josh trailed off with a sheepish smile and shrugged. “I hope it’s not a total waste.”

“I’m sure everything is perfect.” Buck paused, glancing around to see if he could tell what Josh had set up. “So I smell coconut, what is that from?”

“Everything,” Josh answered with a laugh. “It’s National Coconut Day. So naturally, we’re celebrating with everything coconut. Follow me.”

Coconut. Everything.

He was going to kill Maddie.

“I just finished making some pina coladas if you want one?” Josh offered, adding a pineapple wedge to the rim of two glasses before holding one out to Buck.

“A little fancier than my usual beer, but I think I can be a little adventurous today.” Buck chuckled, taking the drink from Josh’s outstretched hand. He ignored the jolt that he felt when Josh’s fingers brushed against his. “Thank you.”

Josh grabbed a drink of his own before casting a glance in Buck’s direction. “I don’t think that being adventurous is really a stretch for you.” Josh paused, then added. “I seem to remember more than one rescue, particularly the ones that Maddie was freaking out about because they were risky.”

Buck shrugged his shoulders, wearing a sheepish smile as he followed Josh towards the living room. “That’s my job.”

Josh laughed, sitting down on the couch and shifting his body so that he was angled towards Buck. “So are you saying that it’s more adventurous for you to drink a pina colada than to rush into a burning building, or rappelling off the side of a cliff?”

Buck laughed lightly, feeling his cheeks warm, while his mind was on an endless loop of I hate coconut. Maybe it hadn’t exactly been adventurous of Buck to drink the pina colada, but for the effort that Josh had put into the day, he couldn’t let him down by telling him he hated everything coconut. He brought the drink up to his lips, taking a small sip before answering, trying not to react to the sudden taste flooding his tongue.

“Jumping into action at the scene when someone needs to be saved, that’s just instinct kicking in,” Buck explained, setting his glass on the coffee table, letting his gaze settle on Josh.

“That’s because you’re a hero,” Josh stated, setting his own glass down. “And heroes deserve to be pampered.”

“Josh, I’m not a hero,” he argued.

“I seem to remember watching you, trapped under a fire rig just doing your job and responding to a call, then in the months that followed you fought with everything you had to get back out there. Saved hundreds of people when you were off-duty during the tsunami. I could go on,” Josh said, “if you want.”

“Um,” Buck cleared his throat, running a hand over the back of his neck as Josh explained why he thought Buck was a hero. He shook his head a little. “That won’t be necessary.”

“In that case, I’ll be right back. Make yourself at home.”

Buck tried not to let his mind linger too long on how the atmosphere at Josh’s felt different today, more intimate without Maddie’s presence. She was always there, as a buffer, keeping Buck from making a fool of himself in front of Josh. Yet today, there was nobody to save Buck from himself.

Josh came back a few minutes later, setting a round container on the table and the sliced cucumber beside them. He told Buck to go wash his face before they got started, and when Buck returned, Josh set a pillow on the couch.

“Lay down,” Josh instructed.

Buck hesitated for a moment before laying down, resting his head on the pillow. “You know, we could do yours first—I know this is more your thing with Maddie, and I—”

“Anybody ever tell you that you’re argumentative?” Josh looked down at him, mouth turned up in amusement.

Buck rolled his eyes, watching as Josh grabbed the pouffe to sit on, his expression turning more focused as he moved the coffee table closer, making sure that what he needed was in reach. “Usually they just tell me I’m a terrible listener.”

“Close your eyes and relax.” Buck hesitated as he looked up at Josh, watching as Josh’s smile turned into a grin. “You know, they’re not wrong.”

“You always invite guys over and then call them argumentative and bad listeners?” Buck asked, finally closing his eyes.

“And they say I’m the dramatic one,” Josh teased. Buck heard him shuffle around on the table, then a moment later Josh’s voice again. “I’m going to put a warm washcloth on your face first. Just relax with it for a minute.”

The heat from the washcloth felt soothing against his skin, and Buck felt himself relaxing more, despite how this afternoon came to be just him and Josh having a spa day at home. Josh’s fingers brushed against his forehead a minute later, removing the cooling washcloth from his skin.

“So, what’s your skin regimen like anyway?”

“Uh,” Buck laughed softly. “Usually just soap and water. I don’t really have a skin regimen.”

“Well that’s offensive.” Josh’s eyes widened comically as he looked down at Buck. “First of all, that’s so bad for your skin, especially given that you deal with smoke exposure on a regular basis, not to mention the sweat. Second of all, it looks like you take great care of your skin… which is unfair, given that you absolutely do not.”

“Are you going to convert me into a skin care enthusiast?”

“I see that sarcasm is definitely a Buckley family trait.” Josh glared at him playfully. “I’m going to apply the mask now. It’s just avocado, coconut oil and some nutmeg. It’s supposed to be great for anti-aging and really moisturizing, not that your naturally flawless skin needs it.” Josh’s gaze flickered away from his, grabbing the container from the table, collecting the paste onto a brush before moving closer.

“I was really not expecting a green mask. You’re going to make me look like Maddie all those times I teased her when we were growing up,” Buck said.

Josh laughed, beginning to spread it over Buck’s skin, making Buck close his eyes again. It only took a minute before Buck’s face was thoroughly covered and Josh moved away with the container.

“Just relax for about fifteen minutes, and then we’ll get you cleaned up,” Josh said. He returned a few seconds later, setting something cool over each of his eyes, which Buck could only assume were the cucumbers.

Buck became more conscious of his breathing as the minutes passed by, the quiet of Josh’s home surrounding him. “15 minutes up yet?” Buck mumbled, not even sure if Josh was still in the room.

“Uh, just about,” Josh answered. “I’ll get you cleaned up in just another minute.” There was another stretch of silence until Buck heard the shutter of a camera, quickly followed by rapid tapping.

“Josh?”

“Just a second, Buck.”

“Josh, what are you—” Buck removed the cucumbers from over his eyes, finding Josh standing not too far away with a mischievous smile on his face. “You can’t take a picture of me like this.” Buck gaped at him.

“I mean, I already did,” Josh said with a little laugh that lit up his entire face. “And I might have accidentally sent it to your sister.”

“Accidentally?”

“Maybe intentionally.”

“You have no idea what you’ve done. I’m never going to hear the end of this. She’s going to show Chimney, and it’ll circulate around the firehouse. Hell, Chim and Hen will probably blow up the picture and post it all around the station,” Buck finished dramatically, groaning as he sat back.

Josh smirked but didn’t say anything else, although his expression made it clear that he had plenty to say. He tapped out another response on his phone before he slipped the phone into his back pocket.

“We should go get your mask cleaned off, before your face is stuck like that permanently.” Buck’s hand shot up to his face and touched the mask, and Josh snorted at the appalled expression on Buck’s face.

“You know, I think my sister has influenced you way too much for your own good.” Buck followed Josh towards the bathroom, stepping into the room and turning on the warm water. Josh grabbed a clean washcloth and handed it to him. Josh disappeared from the doorway, leaving Buck to clean the thick green mask from his face.

Buck looked at his reflection and grimaced. “I can’t believe there’s a picture of me like this floating around,” he muttered. He tried to clean the mask off of his face and to not make a mess but this was… way messier than Buck expected. “Oh my god.” Green sludge covered the sink and the counter, and it was dripping off of Buck’s face like something out of a horror movie.

“Buck? You doing alright, you’ve been in here for—” Josh’s voice broke off with laughter. “Oh… wow. What is happening here? You—wow. This is a sight.”

“You keep saying that,” Buck said, cutting a glare in his direction, resulting in a green-tinted water dripping onto the counter.

“You are a disaster, Buck. Sit down.” Josh laughed, directing him away from his position in front of the mirror until he was sitting on the closed toilet lid. Josh grabbed a hand towel to wipe at the excess water dripping from Buck’s chin, first. Josh cupped Buck’s chin, gently tilting it until he was looking up at him. Buck swallowed hard as they held each other’s gaze, and the laughter disappeared from the room, replaced instead by a tension that Buck couldn’t quite explain, but made his heart race.

Josh took his time, patting off what was wet enough to wipe from Buck’s face. He worked silently for a few minutes, stopping to rinse off the wash cloth with warm water every so often before focusing his attention on cleaning Buck’s face.

“You know I could do this myself, Josh, I—”

“I don’t mind,” Josh said softly, and tossed the dirty washcloth in the sink before grabbing the clean hand towel he’d laid out before. “Let me just make sure we’ve got it all.”

Buck couldn’t find it in him to look away, mesmerized by Josh’s focus as he cradled Buck’s face, then the way he gently tilted it to the side from where he held Buck’s chin.

“Ah, missed a spot,” Josh said.

The feeling of the warm washcloth being wiped across his brow made his eyes flutter closed. Without his vision, Buck felt like he was suddenly more aware of everything else. The way that Josh smelled, and the fact that Buck could reach out and wrap his arms around the other man due to their closeness. Josh’s fingers still gripped Buck’s chin, moving the towel lightly over Buck’s skin, and dried off the last remnants of water.

“Think we got it all,” Josh whispered into the deafening quiet.

Blinking his eyes back open, he caught Josh’s gaze when they opened. Josh smiled at him, then his eyes settled on the spot just above Buck’s eye, rubbing his thumb over the skin there . In the past, Buck had been self conscious about his birthmark, hating how it made him stand out. But at that moment, as Josh studied it with such intent, Buck was glad to have it. Josh brushed his thumb over the skin a few more times, until their eyes met again. It’s like something clicked into place at the moment their eyes met, yanking Josh out of the intimacy of the moment, his jaw dropping open the tiniest bit as he took a small step back, putting some space between them.

“Well, your skin is perfectly soft now.” Buck forced himself not to frown at the loss of Josh’s touch, his stomach twisting as he fought the desire to reach out and tug Josh closer. “Not that it wasn’t before,” Josh added.

“Thank you for that experience. And for, uh, helping with the clean up,” Buck said. He stood up from where he was seated. “Definitely went above and beyond.”

“It was my pleasure,” he said.

“Well, now it’s my turn to return the favor.” Buck smiled at Josh, trying not to let the way that Josh made him feel when he cradled his face and studied his birthmark like it was some work of art. “But I can’t promise it won’t be an even bigger mess.”

Josh laughed, and the tension between them that had been there for only a few moments dissipated. “I’d expect no less.”

*

After National Coconut Day, things felt different between Josh and Buck, like somehow their relationship was no longer held together by Maddie. They began to talk regularly as the days passed, they texted and made plans to get together soon. Josh, of course, had another celebration day in mind—and after how the last one had turned out, Buck couldn’t find it in him to necessarily discourage it.

Until he’d learned that it was another food-centered celebration: National Fried Chicken Day. Josh was very invested, sending Buck links to different food blogs and recipes that he’d found on Pinterest to try: a classic southern fried chicken, buttermilk fried chicken, and even a KFC copycat recipe.

The intimacy of their home spa day played on repeat in Buck’s mind, the moment when Josh had cleaned Buck’s face, brushing his thumb tenderly over Buck’s birthmark. He’d thought Josh was going to kiss him, had even hoped that he would. In the minutes that stretched on afterwards, he’d felt disappointed, but shoved that feeling aside to unpack another day. And Buck had decided that maybe today was that day.

Buck sighed, looking at himself in the mirror one last time. He opted for a casual shirt and jeans since it was meant to be a low-key celebration, and grabbed his keys off of the counter on his way out.

Within twenty minutes he arrived at Josh’s door. Josh opened the door in an apron, which was certainly a look. “You’re just on time. I was about ready to get started.”

Buck smiled as he followed Josh inside, back towards the kitchen. He watched as Josh set a pan on the front burner of the stove, then moved fluidly to grab the bottle of the oil.

Now or never, Buckley.

“Step away from the oil, Josh,” Buck said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What? How am I going to make fried chicken without the oil?” Josh turned his head to look at Buck, who had moved closer now, standing beside him next to the stove.

“You’re not.”

“Buck,” Josh drew his name out slowly, thankfully having not yet turned on the burner, his full attention now on Buck. “We’re here to celebrate National Fried Chicken Day—”

“But your arteries are pleading with you to not do that,” Buck explained. “We could celebrate something else today.”

Josh frowned at Buck’s words. “Like what? You couldn’t have mentioned this days ago? What could we possibly celebrate that we just happen to have everything for?”

Buck trapped his bottom lip between his teeth, then dared to catch Josh’s gaze again. “It’s International Kissing Day.” Of course the only reason Buck wanted to celebrate that with Josh was for the betterment of his health.

“…and how would we celebrate that?”

“The only logical way that I could come up with is that we could kiss.”

A nervous laugh shook out of Josh, and a flush colored his cheeks. “Buck, I’m not going to let you kiss me just because you don’t want me clogging my arteries.”

“Well,” Buck swallowed past the nervous anxiety bubbling in his chest. “What about letting me kiss you because I like you, and this is all just a poorly crafted excuse to kiss you, masked as concern for your arteries?”

Josh’s eyes flickered to Buck’s lips, then back up to his eyes. “I-I think I’d be okay with it, if that were the case,” Josh whispered.

The corners of Buck’s pulled up into a smile, though his heart didn’t stop racing. “That’s good to hear,” Buck murmured, stepping forward to close in the little bit of space between them. He reached out, cupping Josh’s cheek as he looked down into his face. “Because I was really hoping that was what you would say.”

Buck leaned in as Josh’s eyes fluttered closed, and their noses barely brushed as he pressed his lips to Josh’s. The kiss was soft and sweet, like Josh, not frantic or urgent, and the tenderness made Buck’s heart swell. Josh’s hands ghosted against Buck’s sides before they settled at his waist. Finally, Buck dropped his hand away from Josh’s jaw, studying his features when he did.

“I hope that was okay,” Buck whispered, not able to tear his gaze away, as he cringed at his words.

“It was great, but…”

“But?” Buck asked.

“But I don’t think you can classify one kiss as a celebration,” Josh explained, a smile tugging at his lips.

“It would be like celebrating Strawberry Rhubarb Pie day with only one pie.”

“A travesty,” he murmured, sliding a hand to the back of Buck’s neck, pulling him back in for another kiss.

Buck decided, maybe he wouldn’t kill Maddie after all.

[halfemptygirlrps-archive]

Polyamory CAN work (long post)

As a black, queer woman who could very well be poly, I am always looking for content to feed my soul and have for a few years now. I know I grumble about white/het couples a lot which makes me sound some kind of way but I ship a ton of white couples, that isn’t the problem. It’s the way representation is stepped on these days with toxic white couples being seen as true love that upsets me. And this is coming from a chick that lowkey ships Reylo.

I don’t understand and never will why writers in 2020 think that the only demographic there is are the people who can’t handle seeing anything but a white male and a white female be together. Interracial relationships CAN and DO work and f/f or m/m relationships or any race CAN work, so guess what, so can relationships involving three or more people and while difficult, it can work, even if the people are different races.

My annoyance also stems from Poly woman really getting shat on when writers hit a wall. Very few times have I seen it work out and that’s so stupid to me because she shouldnt’ have to choose.

I start with Wynonna Earp, a CLEARLY Poly woman with a strong sexual appetite that never gets shamed. She loved both Dolls and Doc and though Shamier left the show effectively forcing her to Doc, they still made it clear that she was poly and capable of having feelings for more than one man when they brought in Charlie. He was patient and sweet and while all three men wanted Wynonna to themselves, they NEVER gave her an ultimatum and even while PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER MAN’S BABY  Dolls still loved her and held her in bed. I believe that had Shamier (Dolls)  not left that they would have went on waiting for her to choose but also letting her know that she didn’t have to.

Then there’s my first real Poly stan, Bo Dennis from Lost Girl. Unapologetically bisexual and poly, Bo was in control at all times, both of her relationships and her sexuality. While she needed sex to feed like a vampire needs blood,she also enjoyed it and didn’t view it as a curse or burden and her partners were alwasy consenting, which was amazing. Lauren never shamed Bo (in fact she praised her sexuality and wished she could keep up) for liking men (thus not being toxic to bi women, which is an issue in the community I wont get into) and Dyson, Bo’s male lover never pressured her to submit to him. Here she is pictured with Tamsin, Dyson and Lauren, all her lovers, at once.

If all three of them can be respectful and understanding while each of them were with Bo alone, not a quad, then why do they make it seem so hard to have three people love each other? And yes, I know that couples break up, but on Tv they just dont need to when it’s what a show is based on.

I could go on about Bo all day but I will move on to one of my favorite movies: Prof. Marsden and the Wonder Women.

Now real or not this story had everything. It showed how slowly and steadily they grew to love each other, the highs and lows and the shame of the community that made them all stronger together. Was there jealousy at times, yeas, but they addressed it and learned that they didnt’ need to be and that they could all be together happily and that it could be easy to be in love with more than one person. Sure, it was the 40s but in this day and age it’s nothing to hide, and if they could have a happily ever after back then, why couldn’t it happen now? 

Could it be because of race? Without kidding ourselves, we know that every fandom is capable of being toxic and that it’s just fact that the black girl is often hated. I call it the Iris West treatment, where the clear canon couple is hated and the black girl is trashed for the white option. I quit Supergirl after Season 2 but I hear that Jimmy’s sister is getting said treatment now from a friend that still watches and I am not surprised.  You can’t force an actor to stay on a show and I get that having their ship destroyed build animosity, but I really can’t help but feel like had the other girl been white it wouldn’t have been such a huge issue. A Stefan vs Damon issue none the less, but still, less so. I say that because I have seen actual people defend Mon El in that fandom but saying “what’s wrong with owning slaves?” NUff said. 

Another reason I bring up why it could be race is because of You, Me, Her.

I really enjoy this show and will be sad to see it and and while I recommend it, there are flaws, but none of these flaws seems to be that the three of them can’t work past it and get back together. 

Emma and Jack are married, Izzy comes in and shakes up their world and they both fall ass over elbows in love with her and her with them. They go through the usual things:jealousy, favoritism, hiding their relationship then coming out, but they always work through it. When Jack leaves to date an ex, he comes back. When Emma leaves to date and ex, she comes back. When Jack and Emma think about moving away and Izzy doesn’t want to, they come back. When Izzy has a thing with a co-worker, she still chooses Jack and Emma because they know they all need and love each other. They even have babies together! Izzy sees the sonogram and her heart stops. She realizes that she is going to be their actual mom and they all get married and even look into tri custody because they know they are a family and that it’s not an odd man out type of thing. They try it with other people and with just one another but they know where they’re hearts belong. It works. Does it work because they’re all white? NOPE

Sense8 was a brilliant show. Here everyone was represented and it was such a shame they killed it. Still, they showed us that sexuality can be fluid and that a fandom can be supportive. Raj and Kala married in spite Kala loving someone else. They never made her choose and in the end, they accepted that she was poly and wanted both and guess what? The two guys even fell for each other! Here is a white, bisexual male with his Indian partners. India isn’t the greatest with being gay so for Raj this must have been stranger and scary but they both made him feel safe and comfortable, loved and supported and in the end it was canon that they were all going to be together and learn as they go. Like with You, Me, Her, the fandom is supportive of this and while we didn’t get much of Rajalagang, it is clear that they can work regardless of skin color, religion, and even long distance.

So then why not Polymarine? It was clear it tested well with the audience, haters aside, so what made them feel like they couldn’t carry on? Sure, people fall out of love, but in the show, they just didnt’ need to. Before Ryn Ben and Maddie were together without issue for almost a year. It was made clear every time that he was in love with her, that they had chemistry and that he was attracted to her, so how do they justify saying that this:

Wasn’t real and meant nothing? That this

Wasn’t the same?

If other relationships can survive and thrive then what is it that was so hard, so difficult for the writers that they remove the credit that they themselves paved the way for and throw it aside for something that has been done literally thousands of times? Why throw away what made you unique to fall in line? Why does a show about mermaids have to have this be the “realistic” thing?