#and m proud of myself for that and for going
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#saw a psychiatrist for the very first time earlier this week#it was like.. fine? idk.. is just weird#i feel like i can never say what i want to say how i want to say it and i feel like i forget so much and get so fawn-response at the doctor#idkkkk#he told me i have BPD which like okay i mean no surprise to me i have known i for the criteria for 10 years now lol#but for some reason that being the first thing he landed on annoyed me lol#especially after he told me i don’t meet criteria for PTSD which fine i guess.. it’s wayy more CPTSD which isn’t a diagnosis here sooooo#anyways anyways#i hope in the future maybe i have the courage to bring up autism but like.. eh.#in this first appt he already seemed confused by why i was struggling so much to take care of myself but can maintain#my high-demand technical ‘smart person’ job#to which i said that is the *only* thing i can maintain at the detriment to everything else in my life#anywaysssss#i just cant tell if i were to bring up autism if he would be the type to “’i have a masters degree and maintain a job and AFAB so no’#‘it’s just the BPD’#as if bpd and complex trauma and autism don’t all intensely overlap and hold hands lol#ANYWAYS#first ate i guess is at least i have a psychiatrist now#and m proud of myself for that and for going
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Ride 777: Sohoku's sprinter
Pag 2
1: Houruaaagh
2: Buooraah
3: It's not.... “he's going to attack one more time”!!
Pag 3
1: He's attacked already!!
Pag 4
2: Fifth stage!!
He used the last curve!!
3: Feelings at full throttle!!
He got his “three seconds” in the curve and then accelerated!?
This guy has been tearing apart-
Pag 5
1: Aventador!!
Orange*!!
-road racing common sense over and over again!!
(*NdT.: Issa's attack's name)
Pag 6
4: One guy has jumped ahead as they were turning the curve
Hakogaku and Sohoku are chasing him!!
The guy who's ahead with two strong guys following him.....
Pag 7
1: I've never seen his jersey before!!
Hyaaa!!
Who's that guy!? An unknown cyclist!?
But he's here at the sprint line
Can something like that really happen!?
Pag 8
1: Words things like “of course”, “I already know that”, are like shackles that bind our thoughts
2: There is discovery in “common sense”, yon!!
4: Even so, in road bikes
5: there are two or three ways to hold the handles, so you can change your posture
Pag 9
1: and use various muscles to accelerate, yon!!
2: Three people passed the 300m point, and now it's just a straight road
Pag 10
1: There's still one person running ahead!! The two people behind him can't catch up!!
2: They can see the sprint gate already!!
3: Tch, really, he forced his way through with an ambush like this
4: But
5: My “number one in Japan” plan hasn't wavered one bit!!
Pag 11
1: Lat year's autumn
Woooah cap!!
2: Gap!!
3: Guaagh.... it's always just me saying “gap”!!
Whatcha talking about, Kabu
4: About Doubashi!! I wanna leave him “gaping”!! Me!! Since I lost to him in the summer Inter High!!
You’ve lost the ability to differentiate between the words ‘gap’ and ‘gaping’, haven’t you?
5: Huh? I was able to say this properly when I talked to Aoyagi-san
… which was it again?
6: By the way, Naruko-san, you're supposed to be a good sprinter
Supposed to be!?
Don't you have some secret weapon? Like an ace up your sleeve
7: I'm a genius, so I think if you teach me I'll get it right away!!
I really don't feel like telling you... honestly
8: No, but.... I also thought of myself as a genius, but surely I wasn't that stupid
Pag 12
1: But it's a favour to a kohai, it can't be helped
I've grown too, after all
2: Listen carefully to this “secret weapon”
When you're sprinting
3: The “cog-wheels” you imagine, try imagine them more accurately!! Until the tiniest details!!
4: The....
5: … cog-wheels!?
6: Ah? What does that mean!?
7: Be more specific, please... you're not very reliable, huh
Ugh!! This guy....
I've been thinking this since before, but me and you really don't think alike, Naruko-san...
I'll kill you....
Pag 13
1: As expected from Naruko-san
2: Aoyagi-san was more reliable (even thought he was taciturn)
What does he mean “imagine”?
Hop
3: Ohhh, amazing, Kaburagi
4: Hahaha, I know, right
6: I can do this too
Ohhhh... a blind catch!!
7: How did you do that!?
Hahaha, I'm a genius, so I can do anything just by imagin....
Kaburagi is so cool!
Pag 14
1: Imagining!!
2: Just now I did a blind catch just by imagining it!!
Do it again!
What's wrong, Kaburagi?
3: Oi oi, wait, wait- is this what he meant?
4: Does that mean it'll work? If I apply this to biking!?
6: Imagine
The cog-wheels
7: accurately
8: until the tiniest details
9: Detailed
10: Times and times again
Pag 15
1: I imagined it over and over again!!
And then my “cog-wheels”evolved into “gears”!!
2: Oi, San-na!! Do you have one more special move?
4: Tch
Pag 16
1: Buah!!
Of course!!
I need one more shot to crush you!!
2: It's “Huracan*”, which is stronger than “Aventador”!!
(*NdT.: written as “raging bull” but read as “huracan”)
3: Use it now!!
5: I, too
Pag 17
1: will pull out “golden yellow” now!!
2: If we use them at the same time, it'll make us catch up!!
3: You understand it, San-na
There's no time for complaining about it
4: This guy..... the “golden yellow” that he absolutely wanted to save until the last minute before the sprint line!!
5: We have to close the gap and line up to him now
At this rate, that guy
Pag 18
1: He'll be the first to arrive!!
2: The lead is passing the 200m sign!!
3: Who's that, Gunma!?
I thought the Gunma team was supposed to be Jousui?!
Did the team debut this year!?
There's a guy that strong in Gunma
4: Waaaa
5: That number 181 is debuting now.... but
His career and profile is crazy!!
Pag 19
1: It's Kiji Kyuui!! He's the MTB Inter High two-times champion!!
Huh!?
2: So, the two chasing him won't be able to catch up, at this rate!?
Pag 20
1: Huh!?
What was that just now
For an instant, behind those two
2: I saw blooming golden yellow flowers, and a raging bull
Pag 21
1: This year's may
2: I see
3: Please
Basically
4: Doubashi, you mean you want to race me in a serious sprint battle... now that I've become an university student!!
#yowamushi pedal#yowapeda#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 777#oh i love this chapter so muuuuuch#kabu is so obsessed with aoyagi is would be embarrassing if i didnt ship them so hard#but! Oh i love seeing how much naruko has grown!!! that ' i thought of myself as a genius too'#is such a small sentence in a silly context but really tells you lots of how much naruko has changed as a person!! baby bean has grown so m#much!!*#and kabu too the way hes been handling this whole race is so mature of him???? im so impressed??? you go boy im proud af of you#its gonna be sad when kiji will win anyway :')
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you can do anything with the power of "two gays that love each other very much" and no one can convince me otherwise.
anyway, have this edit i did at 10:00 pm and finalized at 1:30am for Mikah's ( and Evan's ) alnst au
song credits: Dreamless Dream - Noristry cover ( pitched down ) | Dreamless Dream - dongdang cover
#⚜ ┊ ⧼ we can't see past the sky and stage ⧽ ⇹ ( m. alnst!au. )#( e. alnst!au tbt. )#.three people got me yelling at them the moment i finished this early this morning#.and now Y'ALL will have to deal with me#.peep this sick edit i hyperfixated on#.i'm actually so proud that it sounds... passably good!#.i can take on god with my ability to discover new skills for myself tbh#.i'm gonna go work on asks and drafts but i wanted to post this first
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What A Way To Start A Year
T/im learns a little something about karma, friends, and care. Seems even J/on isn't quite as cold as he seems.
A M/agnus A/rchives fic, set somewhere pre-season 1. Shouldn't have any spoilers, but proceed with caution just incase~ (nothing late game, just character dynamic things)
Welcome to "I meant for this to be a little drabble and I wrote 3k words"~ Having a bit of hyperfixation and burn out as I started this new year, soooo I decided to make T/im suffer <3 Not promising quality seeing as I wrote this all in the span of tonight, but consider it a lil 'too long' drabble, and happy new years!
Best way to start off the new year, giving one of your lil guys a lil snz <3
Characters: T/im, M/artin, S/asha, and J/on. Word Count: 3.9k
(CW: There is some swearing, and light descriptions of high fevers)
Christmas had been good this year, maybe the best it had in a long time. Life of the party as always, Tim had enjoyed getting to spend it with his old, and new, colleagues. On top of that, Jon had been laid up with a pretty awful cold for a couple days leading up to it, so he wasn’t around to crush any brilliant ideas Tim came up with.
This led to the budget receiving a fairly substantial hit, though many researchers donated to the cause when they learned this borrowing wasn’t exactly approved. Hell, even Elias had pitched in, claiming something or other about ‘archivists fit for the job not exactly growing on trees’, and wanting to ‘save some of Jon’s sanity’.
“Tim? Are you even listening to me?”
Pulled back to the conversation at hand, Tim lifts his gaze to the taller man fidgeting nervously in front of him. Martin was never one for confrontations, and usually the first ‘no’ would have been more than enough to lead to a string of apologies for even asking. Today however, he seems to have grown a spine. At the worst possible moment.
“Oh come on,” Martin continues, missing the groan slipping from Tim’s throat. “Even Jon agreed to it!”
“I’m not really in the party mood,” Tim retorts, leaning back in his chair. “Besides, Jon didn’t agree to celebrate, he agreed not to stop the celebration. Not the same thing.”
From across her desk, Sasha gives a low chuckle. “He’s got you there, Martin.”
“Can you at least give it a little thought before turning it down?” Martin insists, completely out of character for someone usually so eager to please.
What the hell has gotten into him today? He didn’t even seem to enjoy himself that much at the Christmas party. Sure, he had a few drinks and mingled with the staff, but he’d left as soon as it was over, not waiting around for chatting like Tim and Sasha.
Clearing his throat with a grimace, Tim casts Sasha a dark look as she chuckles again. Knowing far too much, as usual. Especially when it came to him. If it was anyone else, Tim would hate it with all his being, but given that it’s Sasha… well it’s a welcome invasion.
Still, it would be nice if she didn’t rat him out. And to Martin of all people, well let’s just say he saw what happened when Jon was sick. Yeah, passing on that one. Attention is great, Tim lives for it, but the coddling? Not really his style.
“hiEH– guh…”
Damn, that had been a close one. Thankfully Martin seems oblivious, though Sasha sits up in her chair, reaching down into a drawer to fish something out.
Turning his focus back to Martin, Tim provides an offer, desperate to just have the interaction come to an end.
“Fine, I’ll show up, but I don’t want any part in planning it.”
“Oh of course, I’ll handle all the details, I mean it’s just a new years party, how much can there really be to do? I mean food, timing, gotta make sure we have keys to the building– oh but if Jon’s there, that shouldn’t be a problem…” Martin says, rambling beginning to fade into the background as Tim finds himself unable to-
“hH– ek’CHhiew!”
“-Oh, bless you!” Martin says, his own thoughts long forgotten.
Unable to get a word out, Tim merely waves a hand, ducking into his shoulder for another, “eTChhew!”
“Bles-”
And another, “iTSChh’ew!”
“Oh ble-”
And another, “ehh– kTChh’iew!”
Silently Sasha stands, handing Tim a pack of tissues. Must have been what she was looking for in the desk. Once again, knowing more than she should, of course she picked up on his patterns.
Accepting them gratefully, Tim pulls a few out and roughly rubs at his nose, pointedly avoiding Martin’s worried gaze. Gripping his still trembling nose through the tissue, Tim sucks in a tight breath through his teeth, holding for a beat, before finally spinning around in his chair for a final-
“hH’ETCSHh-ieuw! Whew, bless me.”
Martin’s hands are fidgeting again, seemingly unsure of what to do with himself as Tim gives his nose a light massage through the tissue. He’s aware enough not to point it out, but is nearly shaking with the effort of suppressing his concerns.
With a sigh, Tim meets his eyes. “I’m fine, Martin. I always sneeze like that.” He leaves out ‘when I’m sick’. It also happens if he’s suffering allergies, though he doubts that would be a point in his defense given it’s the middle of winter.
“Yeah he’s not kidding,” Sasha pipes up, throwing Tim a wink as he glares. “You should hear him in spring, once it starts he can be going for hours.”
“I wouldn’t say hours, Sash-”
“Remember the cherry blossom incident?” Sasha interrupts, sending a sugary smile over to Martin. “He was wrecked for the rest of the day, I was almost certain he was never gonna stop. Even considered giving a statement here, that reaction was almost supernatural.”
Tim winces, an audible moan slipping from his lips. “We swore to never speak of it again.”
Sasha laughs, Tim giving her another playful glare from behind his tissues. “You swore that, I did no such thing.”
Thankfully Martin doesn’t pry, having enough common sense to offer a polite chuckle, and offer some excuse about ‘planning’. Still, he can’t help himself from shooting a meek “I hope you feel better soon” over his shoulder, Tim giving him finger guns in return.
“This is karma, you know,” Sasha calls after Martin’s outside earshot. “You took pleasure in Jon’s suffering, so now it’s your turn to suffer the same fate.”
“No, thi- eTChhew! Scuse me,” Tim says, rubbing his nose with the tissue one last time before depositing it in his nearly overflowing trash can. Another tissue is plucked as his eyes begin to water, nostrils flaring with reckless abandon. Never just one.
“kTChh’uew! hh’iTChh –uew! Tihhckles… eTCHh! etchh’uh! hiehh–”
The last one toys with him, tracing the rims of his nostrils, back up his sinuses, a gentle itch that seems to burn against every inch of his nose. Finally, with a desperate gasp, Tim ducks into his wrist for the last, “heh’ATChhh –iew!”
“Many blessings. Sounds like you need them,” Sasha offers with a wince, tossing another pack of tissues over, which Tim catches with a single hand, the other still gripping his nose.
After taking a moment to clean himself up, Tim shoots her his signature smile, ignoring the eye roll she shoots back. “Where was I?”
“Admitting this is karma?”
“It’s not karma, it’s lack of common sense. Going to a party where a coworker is sick, and still drinking and eating the same meals” Tim says, aiming a rough cough into his sleeve.
Sasha winces once more at the quality of the cough, hands rummaging through her drawers once more as she tosses a reply back. “And yet you’re the only one who caught it. Seems like karma to me.”
Closing the distance between them in a single stride, Sasha places a hand on Tim’s shoulder, voice softening. “It’s two days till new years, why don’t you go home and try to get some rest? I doubt Martin will object, and I’ll cover for you with Jon.”
Before Tim can form his rebuttal, Sasha places a box of paracetamol and a jar of vapor rub in front of him. Nodding his thanks, Tim lets out another harsh cough into his arm, leaning as far away from Sasha as he can manage.
With a light rub to his shoulder, Sasha walks to the door, holding it open with a pointed look. “Go home, you sound awful.”
“Alright, alright. I got the message. hH’ETchhiew!” Tim says, gathering his care package and beginning his walk down the hallway.
“If I hear the rest of that fit happening in this building, I’m telling Martin how ill you really are,” Sasha calls after him, a smile flashing over her face as Tim holds up his hands in mock surrender, before ducking back into his arm with another muffled burst.
—
“You look horrible.”
Tim manages a weary smile from behind the tightly wound scarf. “Thagk you.”
Martin winces, standing in the doorframe, seemingly oblivious to the winter chill soaking into Tim’s bones. Even just the walk from the train station was hell on earth, standing out here is doing him no favours.
Turning away with a throat scraping cough, Tim manages to clear the congestion enough to finish the sentence somewhat understandably. A great feat, given how fast his voice is retreating. “May I remind you that I’m only here because you insisted.”
“Right, well I… I didn’t know how bad-” Martin begins, realizing spreading across his face like a wildfire as a chill leaves Tim breathless. “Oh god, I’m making you freeze to death while you’re already this sick, I’m so sorry, come in, I’ll go make you a tea.”
Tim nods his thanks as he piles inside the warm institute, cursing his aching lungs as each breath of warm air seems to burn them from the inside out. Martin rushes away, nearly crashing into a few researchers as he makes his frantic dash for the kitchen.
The scarf is reluctantly removed, a shudder running through Tim’s back as the warm air does nothing to soothe what he’s now certain is a growing fever. A few researchers wave to him, offering some idle chit-chat as he makes his way inside.
For the most part, people give him a wide berth, apparently he looks as bad as he feels. Tissues in hand, gripping them like a lifeline, Tim finds his way to a couch and lets himself sink into it. The party buzzes around him, fading into background noise.
Martin returns soon after, the mug vibrating slightly as he attempts to steady his hand. “I wasn’t sure what kind you’d want, we have a pretty limited amount, but I have a few extras in my desk– oh I could have probably found one for colds and flus, I’m not sure which this is, I thought cold before but you look-”
“Martin,” Tim interrupts, voice cutting uncomfortably through his raw throat. “Can I have the cup?”
“Oh, right, sorry!” Martin says, a sheepish grin crossing his face, nerves more than anything else, as he hands Tim the mug. Tim gives another appreciative nod, taking a cautious sip.
The warm liquid feels like heaven against his throat, and he barely manages to choke back a whimper. The flavour is still a mystery, Martin never actually got to that part. Given how little he can taste at the moment, seems it’s gonna remain that way. Still, the heat beginning to warm his chest is a welcome relief, and Tim has to fight to keep his eyes from drifting shut…
“Watch out!”
The voice rouses him, his eyes snapping open just in time to witness Jon dropping to his knees in front of the couch. The realization doesn’t sink in for another minute, Tim blinking the tired from his eyes and trying to figure out why people are staring… and why there’s a hand on his finge–
Oh, the tea. Thankfully Jon’s reflexes seemed to kick in just in time, his hands guiding Tim’s cup to the table next to him. Judgement clouds the boss's eyes as he turns back, fully ready to chastise Tim, no doubt. Jon opens his mouth, one hand beginning to point, but as his eyes scan Tim’s form, his demeanor changes instantly.
“You don’t seem well.” Jon’s voice is still firm, but with a hint of something Tim can’t quite place. On anyone else, he’d call it concern. On Jon… perhaps concern isn’t far off, though the underlying criticism of the statement irritates him.
“I wonder why that could be? It’s almost as if someone came to the Christmas party sick enough to fall asleep standing. Twice.” Tim says, sarcasm lining his words, alongside the congestion he can’t seem to fully shake.
“Well in that case,” Sasha chimes in, cheerful voice a natural antithesis to the misery coursing through Tim’s system. “Seems you’re halfway there!”
“Hey, I was lying down, that’s hardly the sahh… same thing– hH’ETchh!”
“Here we go,” Sasha says, already turning on her heel to find a tissue box as Tim’s hitches increase in desperation.
“aHTChh’ew! gn’tchhew!”
“Bless,” Jon offers, a brief confusion crossing his face as Sasha laughs, shaking her head.
“He’s not done,” She says, handing over the tissue box.
Tim grabs for it blindly, too caught up in the fit to even attempt dignity. Still, the eyes on him do leave him with a hint of embarrassment, and the onslaught is muffled as best he can manage. “hH’MMpshhew! eMPFShh’ieh! hh’MFSHhueh!”
Blessings sound out from the room, Tim managing to wave a hand towards the ones offering them, eyes still watering. As the fit seems to stall, he lowers his tissues, red nose now visibly twitching.
“Are you alright?” Jon asks, the hint of concern from before now plainly evident. That’s frankly more alarming than it should be, and Tim finds himself wanting to… reassure the boss.
“I’m okay, it’s juhh… j-just… huhh–” But it seems his nose has other plans, a tissue being raised once more as Tim paws at the appendage. “‘Scuhhse me, I still have… hahhve to… to… hiHh– eTCHh’ew! hk’ASCHh–oo!”
This time the tickle fades with the final pitchy sneeze, Tim letting out a low groan as he mashes his nose into the ever growing collection of tissues he’s clutching. A few people call out final blessings, Sasha laughing out hers as Tim’s face goes red once more.
Martin picks this time to enter the room with drinks, Tim letting his eyes flutter shut as the focus shifts off his misery. A gentle touch keeps him from drifting off to sleep, prying open an eye to find Sasha settling onto his left.
“Careful, don’t want to catch this,” Tim manages, leaning against his right shoulder to muffle another stream of chesty coughs. Sasha winces as it goes on past the realm of comfort, her hand finding his back.
“Don’t worry about me, I haven’t earned this cold, I didn’t make use of Jon’s or your suffering,” She says, the playful tone not masking the growing worry in her posture.
While she can read him like a book, she’s no mystery to him either. The tension in her fingers, absentmindedly stroking patterns on his back. The way she subconsciously tries to support his body weight, despite them both sitting. The look in her eyes when he manages to stall the coughing long enough to meet them.
With this brief respite from the attack, Sasha takes the chance to bring Tim’s tea back, his fingers wrapping around the warm mug. The first few sips burn, his lungs protesting, begging to return to their efforts to expel all the irritation. By the third, however, the warmth is spreading once more, easing the spasms.
“Alright?” Sasha asks, beginning to stand from the couch. Tim nods his reply, taking another slow sip. “Think you’ll make it till midnight? We’ve still got a few hours to go.”
He nods his approval again, not yet trusting his voice enough to make an attempt. Sasha simply smiles, easing back into the party that– Tim had almost forgotten existed. That fever must be worse than he thought, given how loud it is. A fact that’s now pounding against his head in harmony with his heartbeat.
The party continues on, Sasha and Martin taking turns checking in on Tim as he slips rapidly in and out of consciousness. Seconds turn to hours, and before he knows it, it’s two minutes to midnight.
As Tim blinks against the harsh fluorescent lighting, it’s Jon that stands before him, hand hovering near his side. Tim begins to speak, breaking off into a cough as his voice comes out rough with sleep and congestion.
“What’s up boss?” He manages with the second attempt, not missing Jon’s wince at the nasal quality.
“You simply look… well, the festivities are nearly over, I was just inquiring as to…” Jon seems to get stuck, eyes wandering down to the couch as he finishes. “I know you took the train here, I was seeing if you needed an escort home.”
“How kind, I’d be delighted to have your accompaniment,” Tim responds, the wit clouding the fact he… hadn’t actually considered needing to go home. Jon seems to take this answer as satisfactory, ignoring all the sarcasm as he gives a tight nod and an out of practice smile.
From across the room Martin calls out, something about a countdown. Tim attempts to pull himself to a stand, finding Sasha’s arm around his waist, guiding him to the wall. Leaning against it, he lets his rough voice join the chorus as they count into the new year.
Despite how the lights and noise had pounded into his skull, everyone chanting in unison helps Tim realize that… there actually aren’t that many people here. Aside from his coworkers, there’s only a few researchers, and Elias is not in attendance.
Honestly, thank whatever cosmic being may exist for that one, he had been none too fond of Jon’s arriving sick. Tim shudders to think what he would have said about this state. He shouldn’t have come, but… something about how insistent Martin was… well he just couldn’t disappoint that loveable idiot.
Somehow Tim finds he’s managed to keep up with the counting, despite being worlds away in his thoughts. As they approach the final numbers, a feathery sensation begins to spread through his nostrils- no.
Absolutely not, this is not the time. It’s never just one, there’s not enough people here, someone’s gonna notice. And I mean, it’s not like he’s hiding the fact he feels like death, but… drawing that much attention is also not the goal.
“Five! Four!”
“hiehh- h’ngTchh!” He manages to stifle the first, the congestion pounding in his head as the tickle seems to only get worse.
“Three! Two!”
“I cad’t– nNDtch! nGTCh’uh!”
“One–”
As the cheers begin to erupt, Tim ducks into the tissues with a scraping, “ehg’TCHhiew!”
“Happy new years!”
“yiEShh’iew! etchh’uh! hH’AESHH –oo!” Tim dips into his hands again, managing to sink down against the wall as he lets out a congested blow, ending the fit.
“What a way to ring in the new year,” Comes Sasha’s voice, her form blocking the light from Tim’s eyes as he looks up, fever blurring his vision.
“Shud ub.”
“Christ Tim, you sound awful,” Jon adds, his form appearing behind Sasha’s.
“Thagks boss,” Tim retorts, groaning as he notices a third form, Martin’s nervous fidgeting easy to spot even from this angle. Martin remains silent, though his eyes seem to hold more concern than any of them, and… guilt? Or maybe that’s just the delirium.
Glancing up to meet Sasha’s gaze, Tim offers a weary, “Tibe to go hobe?”
She nods softly, kneeling to help him to his feet, Martin wordlessly taking his other arm. Jon stands off to the side, hesitating. What for, who knows. All Tim can focus on is one step after the other, just gotta make it home, then he can sleep. For the rest of forever, at this rate.
As they get to the door, Martin helps wrap the scarf around Tim’s neck, forcing him to lift it from its perch against Sasha’s shoulder. Sasha, for her part, supports his weight with ease, she was always stronger than she looked.
Martin keeps casting glances towards Tim, obviously fretting over something. Too tired to manage his usual charm, Tim gives Martin the softest look he can manage. “Jusd say id, please. You’re makigg me nervous.”
“I’m so sorry I asked you to come, you’re obviously so unwell, and I know I didn’t really know that at the time, but I should have, or at least texted and checked in, I just… I wanted us all to get along so bad and I thought if you came it would mean more fun because you’re always so lively and good at talking to people and-”
Tim holds up a hand, eyes glazing over as Martin stops short, breath coming almost as rapidly as Tim’s. After a minute goes by, Martin starts to open his mouth, seeming confused by the interruption, before nearly jumping out of his skin as Tim ducks into his fist.
“eTCHh’ew! hH’YEAShh –iew! Sorry, I feld those cobigg… waid– hih’ETCHhew! heAYSHh’oo!” Tim ducks down again, Sasha grabbing him tighter to support the harsh shudders as he attempts to keep his balance.
“Oh bless you,” Martin offers, voice coming out timid. Tim gives him, what he hopes is, a warm smile despite the fever taking hold of the last corners of his mind.
“If I didn’t wanna cobe, I would have stayed hobe. I dod’t blame you.”
Martin nods silently, a relief seeming to flood his face. Taking his place once more supporting Tim, they move towards the exit. Opening the door, the first wave of cold floods the entryway, and a chill so violent runs through Tim that both Martin and Sasha take a step back to brace him.
It’s now that Jon speaks up, voice strained with a type of worry Tim hadn’t heard before. “No, we’re absolutely not doing this, I refuse.”
The trio turn towards him. Though perhaps a more accurate description is that Martin and Sasha turn, Tim simply goes along for the ride. Martin mumbles something about ‘no other choice’, but Sasha asks what Jon’s on about.
“It’s too cold out there, it’s the middle of the damn night, there’s no way I’m letting him go home like this.”
“And what do you suggest we do as an alternative? He can’t stay here-” Sasha begins, pausing as Jon turns towards her.
“Why not? I’m the archivist, this is my archive,” Jon begins, pausing for a moment, before adding, “Well, Elias’s, but I hardly think he’d suggest we send an employee home in this weather while they’re this sick. That’s just bad management, he’ll freeze to death before even reaching the train.”
As if to confirm this assumption, Tim shudders violently, ducking into his chest with a tired, “hh’eshhew! eTCHh’iew!” followed by a heavy sigh. Martin mumbles something about covering, but quickly silences himself as Tim begins to tremble again.
Sasha gives Jon a look, seeming to read him for any hints of doubt, perhaps searching for an ulterior motive. After a brief pause, their eyes meeting, she gives a tight nod, approval of some kind.
“Come on Martin, let’s get him back to that couch, he can sleep there for the night,” Sasha directs, Martin nodding his acceptance.
Tim manages to catch snippets of the conversation as they get him settled. Jon fetching him a blanket he keeps in his office. Martin providing some more tea. Sasha grabbing tissues and medication for when he wakes up. Something about Jon sleeping in his office so he’s not alone, and Sasha coming in early to help him home.
With his final bout of consciousness, Tim holds up a hand, the conversation immediately pausing. “Thagk you guys. And… esSHhh’ew! And, I’b sorry.”
All three stare at him for a minute, before Sasha breaks first. Her laughter fills the silence, Martin joining in soon after, and even Jon letting a few chuckles slip out. When they’ve finally collected themselves, Sasha gives Tim a warm smile.
“Sleep well, Tim. I’ll come fetch you in the morning.”
With a content sigh, Tim lets his eyes drift shut again, his consciousness fading to the soft hum of his friends in the background.
Alright, so maybe coddling isn’t quite so bad after all.
#waterfallwrites#the m/agnus a/rchives#was that my tag?? i think it was ahuguh#anyways i wrote this in a flurry of 'i need to do something about my hyperfixation' induced attention span#took many breaks but all in all took about 6ish hours (including the breaks)#and im kinda proud of myself for just! doing it!!#props to my friend for telling me to 'just write something with no pressure and let it be what it is'#so this is a drabble that turned into an actual fic bc i didnt! pressure myself!#if it sucks it sucks- if it doesnt it doesnt- whatever it is i made it and im gonna be happy with that#plus its t/ma which rn is just... SOOO it for me. i am so hyperfixated#and t/im is my beloved i love this man#and i may possibly try to write about j/ons version of this cold and maybe The Cherry Blossom Incident#but i actually have a different t/ma fic in the works so that one comes first <3#anyways yes here you go!! i toss this into the void! and see if! anyone wants it!#t/ma#t/im s/toker
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it's starting to hit me that i'm going to have a career soon and like... that is like a wild thing to try to comprehend?? like yes i've studied my ass off for the past twoish months- to pass a test. but that test means i have job where i can sit and do my job? it's still a very radical concept to me.
#kate rambles from here on#the thing is- my family has always been working class- so i really wrote off college at a young age- mostly cause my dream differed#bc of wanting to make music and what not- but like they offered the course to me for free and it's sth i've thought about before and#i've been struggling not having a job bc of my plantars fasciitis (it's from stress) so not working on my feet = lifesaver for me#i am thankful for saving up as hard as i did when i could- bc i've been living off it until recently- where it's gotten too low for my liki#it's not that i'm complaining and/or changing my lifestyle- it's just i had been fighting to get a job that i could do that wouldn't kill m#to do- and i applied to this job thinking 'they're never even going to look at my application' bc imo i have no real qualifications outside#of customer service- but they did- and i've been in the process of being hired for the past 2-3~ mos- in two days it is tech the start of#my contract- in five days i'll be going near the big city to do my onboarding? and then i'll do more course work and like the idea that soo#in January- officially- part time- i'll be working at office? like is just a wild concept to me- i'll be getting paid for learning in dec~#and i just? omg... this is wild to me... yes i realize my plantars could strike back here- but- bc i will be sitting it'll mitigate it sm#it is still part time for now- bc i asked for it to be part time and work my way up to full time- i'm allowed at any time w/training to#move up to the next level- but i can stay at level 2 for hwvr long i wish if i want to- mostly i'll be working from jan to may#and idk random fact but after applying i got to learn that my grandma before she passed did the same thing- i really do take#after my namesake- hehe- idk this is a big ramble but it's just vv wild to me#(me over here “my first big purchase will be the byz's sgs” ((i could buy it now but i'm waiting for it as a treat~)) i bought their album#when i successfully completed the scary test~ so i'm using them as a motivator to work hard ebhbhea)#kate rambles#idk i'm vv proud of myself and i just wanted to share-
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just completed the second boss and lit up the first great lighthouse. im having so much fun with this game, you have no clue! connie is so sweet an adorable
#this boss was quite a bit harder bahahaha#if you were wondering the leader of the extension group is introduced (sort of)#connie better reunite with her mentor soon#super mario#super mario bros#mario#luigi#mario and luigi#m&l brothership#brothership spoilers#im going further in the game than i thought and im so proud of myself#finally something productive i can do that makes me really happy /hj
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remembering on my circa 2017 booklr I used to tell people to read Gemma Doyle by describing it as trc but with an all girls boarding school / all girl group in a historical setting… I was trying to do the lord’s work she deserved tumblr fame
#I do think that was an oversimplification of both but. Not totally off base there are some similar char tropes used I’m proud of past me for#the attempt. Also I think I’m going to start advocating for Diviners in that way now that trc fandom is apparently quite miserable post GW#you like gay people doing dream magic? you like witchcraft and ghosts and strong ensemble casts?#you like an ambitious abuse survivor getting a healing arc with learning to control magic/psychic abilities as a metaphor? you like four#book series where the first three books rock and the last book which is named king + corvid is a bit underwhelm who said that?#a positive point in diviners favor is Ling x Wei Mei >>>> RonanKavinsky. Generally find the take on dream magic in diviners more compelling#(although LingHenry + RonanHennessy both being mlm wlw duos who are the dreamers is kinda fun)#anyway. This is not actually a fair comparison because Ling is my fav or at least top two w Theta of the leads and I love Ronan but he is m#least favorite of the trc leads of which there are four all of whom I love so it says nothing bad about him. But it does put me as an#outlier re: fandom priorities..#on the flip side while I love diviners dynamics sadly I don’t think they ever come anywhere close to Gangsey levels of extreme codependency#so I can not care quite as much….#from what I remember the girls in Gemma Doyle are a lot more codependent good for them. Would have to reread to compare codependency levels#Ling and Theta are both my favorite in diviners in the same way Blue and Adam are my favorite in trc and Abed and Annie are both my fav for#community. basically one char who I love and overidentify with (Ling/Blue/Abed) and one char I love who in many ways I’m not like#but in a handful of very niche specific ways I also relate quite a bit. And am fascinated with (Theta/Adam/Annie)#s speaks#very off topic from my initial point which was you should read Libba Bray’s books#and in both cases I have a second and a half tier fav (Evie/Gansey/Britta) who I love fictionally but if I was trapped in a room w them I’d#kill myself. with the white blonde women I’d also want to make out w them debatable if that makes it better or worse#but like. I could not stand listening to them speak for that long I know this#Gansey might just die a third time by my hands…
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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
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i have eight tumblr tabs open and only one of them is for the dash. please dont ask me why.
#✧・゚ ——— ❛ game fanatic; hot tea addict. ❪ file :// 001. | out. ❫#i told my bf i was back to writing on tumblr and he wanted to read what ive written so i sat there last night as he scrolled through my blo#and the anxiety was at an all time high bc hes someone i want to think highly of me even tho ik he loves me and is a major dork just like m#i mean hes planning to cosplay brim and viper with me so like#anyway mental break from writing bc i have another 9 asks to go nad i got through like 6 today#proud of myself for that#but im also queuing them bc i feel bad abd spamming#sorry
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ouhhhrh i'm hongry ouhuhuhuhuhruhg
#just me hi#girl help the only thing i've eaten today i a flour tortilla and it tasted like plastic#the taste isn't that important to what i'm saying here but it was crucial to the experience#/'m in the Shaky phase rn lol#waiting for ma to get back with food but until then i guess i'll die lol#//also we're moving soon which is cool !!#so i'll prolly have even less time to do fun things hvshbfhj#i hate moving so much so so much but that's ok. only a couple more times and i'm never going to live anywhere else again. lollll#i need a home base again or i'm going to explode and blow up the sun#//but anyway guess who's written 3 chapters in their new thingamabob!!! i'm so proud of myself :DD#i wish i could work on p1nk or even b1ue space but that's ok lol‚ step by step#//actually i take that back i need a home base that i can lock every other person on the planet out of#i'm so tired hvbhfhjhdsj#maybe a bunker! that'd be nice#oh but there'd be no sun :( i hate the sun but i like light so#so maybe like a tower! but i'm scared of heights so maybe not lol#maybe just a house :) 1 story cuz i don't like stairs very much hhhfv#//i'm hungry and i just deleted like 5 tags rn hhvfbjbfaf#i should prolly also have wortor but also. yo quiero comedo fvfhvbhsfsjd#i'm gonna explode into tons of tiny shreds of metal that get into Everything#not glitter. splinters of metal#/hongry :/
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s/o 2 my cousin for actually having my.back and lying to my.mom abt if im on anything. Real actual mvp thanks for that ily keep it up
#elias howls#moms asking if im on anything#girl i fucking tried 2 get you to be ok with me being on T I asked and offered to let tou go with me first appt to ask questions and you go#t all uppity and 'oh no no dont change your body :((( no thats scary for me and it makes me sad! no dont change the body I gave you!'#like. gosh. i wonder why I did it behind your back. thats a real thinker. might need a college professor or even a team of experts for this#like. damn! 7 times comimg out where you ignore the coming out part and seem real uncomfortable when I voice youre hurting me. i want to lo#ve you. i want you in my life but ypu makw it so fucking hard. like ive thought abt going low contact when I move out. thatd hurt you so m#uch and I dont wanna but what other choices do i have when you want to see the person whos dead? *im* here. look at me. see me. say my name#. Elias. It isn't hard#like ok w/e im losing all my family once I move out and im even more loud and proud and me itz fine it doesn't weigh me down at all haha#ive been thinking a lot recently. i dont think my memere will taks the news well. shes so fucking important to me. if I lose her in my life#? yeah. i don't know. but its probably gonna happen. andni havent prepared myself for it at all bc i want to believe she loves me for me bu#t. i don't know. im everyone's little girl. i can't be anything else. a blessing to my family. and im tainting her image by declaring mysel#f as something as unhoyl as a transsexual. what a curse. what a blight to the family.
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1500 Mythic+ rating hell yeah
#my first mythic+ title... im so proud of myself ngl#it may seem like such a small achievement but ive only started m+ like not even a month ago#and im up to here#and it's all thanks to WME again#i wouldnt have been able to gain the confidence to do it without them#ive pugged a few ppl bc i aint waiting 20 mins for ppl from wme to join#but it's been all good so far#but im still not comfortable pugging an entire non-wme grp just yet#ill probably do that on other non-ksm characters that i just wanna get m0 gear on or something#like basic gear. not high keys#im going for 2000 for the mount and then im done for the season lol#i might try n tank. idk. finding a grp as a dps is a pain in the neck
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anyone else ever remember how they are gonna end up in some dead end soul sucking job instead of the actual career they wanna pursue because they are far too unskilled for it. just me. awesome.
#sometimes i get a twinge of hope bc my classmates will say nice things and then i remember the reality that exists and is real.#where i just suck. i lack so much technical skill. i feel like i have to reteach myself how to draw constantly. my style is not distinct.#it looks like the quality of a middle schooler's sketchbook where it's a drawing they're proud of but in comparison to anything else#it is just garbage. utter garbage.#i have been in such a horrific slump of feeling about what i make. and i tell my therapist about it. and he never ever actually reassures m#doesnt tell me to maybe ask if im being unfair in my standards. or says i should have some more compassion towards myself.#or finds it an issue in regards to my generally low self esteem. im so fucking tired of being told well. you can always go back to school#to pursue something else after wasting all your fucking time on this stupid fucking degree that will get you nowhere!#i feel hopeless! so utterly fucking hopeless! it doesnt matter when my peers with more skill than me say they like my work bc im positive#they are just being nice. i cant imagine you look at your work and then mine and still find it good and having worth. i cant.#i cant make anything good. im so tired of not being able to make anything good. im tired of not being able to have the motivation to do wor#in my own time to help improve my work because im too fucking tired because im too fucking depressed to do anything. im a failure.#im literally watching myself become a failure in real time and i cant stand it some days. genuinely what a waste.#i dont know what gave me the right to think i could possibly succeed at this. i feel like an idiot for wasting so much time and money.#im not saying this to seek pity or comfort either. im just talking about how i feel. because it just sucks. it just sucks#it sucks to know you will never make it. because even on the days you think maybe you can. it just comes crashing down again to remembering#oh. i wont. because i have none of what it takes for it at all.#man. what even ever at this point. who cares. i'll get over it. it just sucks.#vent.txt
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18+ Filth and pure smut. My mind is on a sexy dilf Bucky with those delicious greys in his beard. I want his sweet wife teasing him over his age, especially after he shakes his head over the way their teenage sons friends keep trying to subtly hit on her. He doesn't blame them because his wife is gorgeous; an absolute milf and he's the luckiest man on the planet to call her his.
You can't help but playfully pinch his side when Bucky ushers your son and his friends all out of the house, slipping him a few bills, insisting he stay out late as he wants. He even gives him permission to crash at a friends house for the night leaving the two of you alone. (of course your son already knows why his dad is so persistent and it leaves him both disgusted and happy his parents are still so in love).
"Breakin' young boys hearts, Mrs. Barnes" Bucky lets out a low chuckle, untying the apron that was tied around your waist, letting it drop to the floor.
"Careful there, old man" You tease, giggling at the way he cocks an eyebrow not that the house was empty, "Might get a heart attack if you try anything at your age" and with that you saunter off to the bathroom to run a shower, looking over your shoulder to see if your husband would follow. He watches the way your hips sway, the insatiable little minx in you trying to get a rise out of him, discarding your clothing in the middle of the bedroom and leaving the bathroom door unlocked on purpose.
He'd show you exactly what an old man could do.
****
You felt your muscles relax as steam filled the room, hot water spraying against your skin while you added your peach shower gel to the loofah. You wondered what Bucky was up to, usually he'd-
"James" You gasp, feeling your husbands hard cock brush against your ass as he presses up you from behind, his large hands moving up your soap slicked body to grope onto your lathered breasts, his fingers pinching your nipples, giving them a harsh tug.
"Shhh," He smirked, nipping your neck, his tongue running up your skin, licking up the water droplets, "Don't stop on my account gorgeous, go on" He let out a satisfied hum when you went back to gently scrubbing your skin, his hands moving to rub up your thighs, ghosting in between them before pulling away and standing in front of you. His cock stood tall and proud, his swollen tip so pink, begging to be touched.
"James, please-
"Uh-uh, thought m' just an old man baby, just doin' what old men do" He smirked, palming himself, his eyes raking up and down your body, wrapping his hand around his shaft, "Aren't you pretty"
You went along with exactly what Bucky wanted, letting your hands trail along your body, soapy bubbles flowing down your curves while your husband started to stroke himself while leaning against the cold shower wall. "You're a pretty sight, look at what you do me to darlin' got me acting like a perverted little boy, touching myself while watching you"
He groaned, jerking himself faster, not sure what he wanted to focus on first. He'd seen you naked plenty of times and he'd certainly showered with you more times that he could count but he'd never get tired of the sight of his wife covered in the cutest bubbles, dripping wet, putting on a shower all just for him.
While Bucky was admiring you, you admired him right back. He'd aged like fine wine, his chestnut hair still luscious, the ends of his hair curling from the steam of the water. His beard had a few flecks of grey which just added to how handsome he was along with the thick muscle that ran under his skin. Nothing turned you on more than a very naked Bucky under hot water, lost in self pleasure with you as his muse. Every groan and whimper was for you, shamelessly touching every intimate part of himself because of you. It was that very sight that had your fingers start to travel down your body, your pussy desperately craving attention.
"That's mine, sugar" Bucky grabbed your wrist before you could slip it between your thighs, pulling it away and positioning himself behind you again. "This pussy here-" His palm cupped every bit of your cunt in the most debauched way, his cock slotted between your ass while his chest was pressed against your back, "Is all mine. I get to play with her baby, s'mine to touch"
"Then touch me Jamie, please" Your voice was nothing more than a whine now and the pet name that slipped out was more than enough for Bucky to know you needed him bad.
"M'Jamie now, huh? Thought I was just an old man before" He chuckled, rubbing his cockhead against your slicked entrance, teasing and letting the tip catch on your hole and pulling away before stuffing his way in.
"F-FUCK JAMES!" You cried out as he set a brutal pace without warning, his thighs slamming against your ass, his hands holding your hips with a bruising grip. "P-PLEASE-Don't-don't stop!"
"That's it, scream for me baby, let everyone know how your husband fucks you" Bucky's hands held onto you for dear life, fucking you like a ragdoll, his fingers skimming across your belly and down to your clit. He could feel your stretch marks as he felt your body up, one of his favorite things about you, his mind starting to wander.
He remembered the way they felt when you were pregnant with your son, the way he'd hold onto your belly, tracing over those gorgeous lines as they made room for his growing baby boy. He'd feel those same curves when making love to you, loving the way you were extra sensitive, constantly craving for him to fill you up. You were the most gorgeous thing when you had a piece of him inside you, fuck he missed it, his balls felt so fuckin' heavy and full and maybe it was just the heat and steam from the shower but-
"Think you could handle another baby?" Bucky purred, his cock already getting harder at the thought of you with a rounded belly again, looking fucking gorgeous, barefoot and pregnant. He was perfectly happy with the way things were but another wouldn't hurt....
Fuck it.
"M'gonna knock you up pretty girl, you'll have my baby again won't ya, gonna let me get you pregnant again? Show everyone I still know how to fuck, show em how well you take my cum in that tight little cunt"
"Oh God, Jamess" Your eyes practically crossed as his fingers began to strum your clit, your head thrown back, barring your neck letting him bite and suck bruises onto your skin, groaning into your ear, "Gonna-gonna cum"
"C'mon mommy, make me a daddy again" Bucky's pace grew faster, the obscene sound of skin slapping filling the bathroom. "Milk my cock, take my cream, want it, want another baby"
Bucky angled his hips to hit depths you didn't know were possible, his fingers rubbing tight circles onto your clit along with those words alone sent you crashing head first into your orgasm. A sob slipped past your lips as your vision went white, your cunt greedily pulsing and gripping onto Bucky's cock, coaxing for him to empty his balls in you.
"That's-fuck that's it, just like that, milk it, shit mommy, milk daddy's cock, fuck'm'gonna-oh God I'm cumming!" Bucky bit down onto your shoulder letting out a slutty moan as cum burst from his cock, his endless orgasm leading to drops of his pearly white seed splashing onto the shower tile below. "Fuck, you make me cum so hard for you baby"
His hips stutterd at the aftershocks of his orgasm, his cock still throbbing the last few spurts while his arms held your limp body, rinsing you both off. He wrapped you up with a fluffy towel, carrying you bed with ease and snuggling up in the sheets.
"Meant what I said, angel" Bucky gave you a soft smile, a hint of shyness now replacing his previous dominant demeanor. "How about another"
"I'd give you as many babies as you want, Mr. Barnes" You giggled, squealing when he rolled on top of you, instantly hard-
My bad, I got distracted while already distracted and then this happened. Look at him though, can you blame me.
#bucky x reader#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x f!reader#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes#dilf bucky#dilf bucky barnes#bucky barnes x wife#james bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#james bucky buchanan barnes#daddy bucky#bucky barnes fan fic#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky fan fiction#bucky fan fic#bucky fanfic#marvel fanfiction#marvel#marvel fic#marvel smut#marvel fanfic#avengers fluff#avengers smut#avengers fanfiction
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having just sort of a Night
#could physically Feel myself getting to that point of “hasn't seen humans in long enough that it's Bad”#this usually hits for me around the 72 hour mark moving up or down depending on how long it's been since i've shared a bad#but it's also that tipping point where i'm in a 50/50 split between “oh i need humans” and “actually what if i just didn't make an effort t#see anyone again ever"#was leaning hard towards option two when meg had to cancel which is when the [i'm in danger] feeling Hit#i don't feel. like. BAD. but i'm having an adjustment coming off gabapentin so i Need to do things that give me purpose#and i was halfway through cleaning the apartment when they called#stopped dead intending to finish and simply Didn't#but i fed myself switched my laundry and did some actual flight rising planning#and finally and i'm most proud of this one#i FINALLY quit my part time job#i fully intended to give them two week's notice but kept procrastinating then got hit with massive guilt which of course got worse#my boss was really nice about it and i guess one week is better than nothing#i have a feeling i'm going to feel much better tomorrow and that my executive function is going to improve bc that was REALLY weighing on m#idk why i just couldn't fucking make myself do it#i even fucking brought it up in therapy fully intending to quit that day#and. Didn't.#oh i also emailed my therapist to discuss esa paperwork! AND i read fetch api documentation in prep for maaaaybe testing into the advanced#code the dream class#i guess i did a lot today it just feels like all i did was sit in front of the tv#i'll feel better tomorrow. i will.#thing is. i'm much better at coping with being unexpectedly alone than coping with being unexpectedly with people.#i know how this works. i'll be okay. i'll be okay#i'm going to finish my audiobook and go to work and code and text my friends#i will be fine#i just feel a little lonely and weird tonight and i need more vitamin d and also to remember to take my meds#thane.txt
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(long story and no short sorry) GUYSSS I DID ITT
I INDUCED IT!!!!! I WAS PURE AS A FUCKING BABY
IDK WHAT TO SAY (ok enough w capslock)
i have so much to say and not a thing at da same time idk how
anyway i want to begin with thanking you @b4ddprincess bc youre the reason i realized why i started this thing. thank you for making my life better and make me realized what i need to do: nothing. (its same for you guys, all u have to do is nothing)
two fuckn years ago i said to myself that i need a better life, quiter life, less fight with everthing bc everything was so loud and not clear i was feeling lost like a child in the market, and i wanted to make things better for myself in every way, but the main idea of my reasons to wanting to get in the void was: making anxiety go and having better people in my life. but the ''voidlist'' just never stopped bc im kinda greedy(having the idea of controling on your life, the idea of that power makes you greedy. yes thats a thing) anyway the more i add to the list the more i feel like im movin away from my desires then i feel depressed bc ive overcomplicating it bc theres so many things to do but i dont do anything so nothing happend bc i was waiting to be someth happen. and then i started doing awkwardly silly things such as: void routines and challenges and (im embarrassed of this one bc i was too desperate) drinking water
youve read it correct drinking water.
i was sooo desperate for having those things id do anything to get them.
i am simple. i want what everyone wants🎀🎀🎀: shifting realities bc i have so many crush and i need them to be crush me in bed(for 2020 girlies)
being an academic weapon is so easy for me🎀(bc of the urge to make my family proud) +dream collage
being the girl that everyone gets along w(basic needs)
being the girl who is pretty not cute(trauma response)
glowing aura(cats loves people w glowing aura yes thats a thing too)
dream body n hair(bc i deserve this🎀)
healthy (girlyfriend)friends(basic needs)
and of course him, my sp(i cant tell wich one at that time but i releived that its not him now, bc MY BELOVED CURRENT BF. guyss he is the one. dont u dare ask me how you know? i literally manifested him🎀)
then i realized i can have everything bc its my reality so why not add these:
new phone, +macbook air
dream apartment of my own
pinterest closet
lifa app for this reality
financially free-money(a lot. like really a lot)
knowing 4 languages like a native person(bc i want to be diplomat so bad) +sign language(its in general)
a little drama(its not gonna hurt anybody)
my parents being more lovable and away from me
every time i try to get in, either i was failing or falling
and im sick of it, sick of it so much i quit.(for a year)
then i go to the theraphy(ofc no im jk ilove being crazy)
one day i saw a post ss from tumblr about pure consciousness on pinterest and i was like whaat is thiiss. no mention of void so i thougt its a diffrent thing and i download the tumblr again and search everything abt it. and same excitement again after one year same thougts and same list popes up in my head. and i was like ok maybe this time itll happen.
still waiting to be someth happen so nothing happend, it was such a waste of time trying to get in while i was already be, i was already what i want to become. i was that girl that everyone gets along with but i couldnt even see bc i was too focused on wanting to be. but still tried every night and failed. and again tried-failed-quit circle bc.. have you ever met me🎀
4 month ago i saw the girl, iconic blogger and the goddess of my dreams, her @b4ddprincess thx again love u so much
a post pops in my fyp and i see the words ''pure consciousness'' i was like noo not again. and i was serious abt it i wasnt gonna read the whole thing but it attract me n i couldnt resist it so ive read it from the top to the bottom. and she got my interest so i stalked her page from the last and to the first post. it was quiet a beautiful journey for me. lasted like 3 days, the end of the 3rd day i was ''woaw it was this easy all along? u cant be serious.'' she was. i tried one last time, no breathing exercise, no ridiculous routines and no waiting something to be happen. it was just me being real me chilling out asf.
and it was this easy and it should be this easy bc being your 4d self is being nothing also being everything at the same time. if u wanna be everything you should be nothing first(as wizardliz saying: drop the old story, leave the victimhood, for being better stop being bitter etc.)u should make a space for everything first and then u can be everything.
for being 4d self of yours stop being your3dself.
sooo long story (no)short i am writing this from my mac in my new apartment(in middle of the night bc i couldnt sleep and then one tumblr notification reminded me i have a success story to share too) and my phone buzzing two minutes a time bc of my friends while im writing this, so if theres anything wrong ignore it pls.
oh u asking my bf how cute, hes sleepin in my bed now, exhausted from the work n school balance.
YWS SCHOOL!! im in my dream collage and im going to be in paris for a week. i deserve a vacation i guess(its for another conference), i kinda hate french men bc theyre so mansplaning(not like how i imagined, its hard to be friends w them)girls are cute but i feel like theyre aware im not permanent there so we just con buddies still cute and hepful for this foreigner.
and i canceled the lifa app thingy bc i can be my purest consciousness anytime i want, so i am my lifa app.
and thx to 4 languages i make a lot of money and that brings us to the pinterest closet, yesterday i realiased that. theyre not comes to me w an imaginary way like i imagined! i go outside for shopping casually and theyre there luckily i have enough money to buy them.
and my family theyre living in our hometown now so as i want it to be, we are away from eachother.
and the most magical thing: SHIFTING REALITIESSS
i did 5 world before i met w my bf. it was such a wonderful experience. if you have doubts abt shifting you can go fuck urself
because sir i did it and i am very sure that dean winchester being my husband is not a daydream, fantasy nor lucid dreaming. believe it or not he kissed me GOD HE KİSSED ME(someone should stop me i have a bf)
is there anything i missed let me see.. cats i have 2 cats now and theyre adorable. glowing aura-check
the girl who is pretty not cute- check +make anxietygo-checkcheckcheck
dream body and hair- check and check
i wanna give u a info i didnt have all my desires by being my4dself
not directly actually. but i have them all. and thats the point.
im not trying to be a blogger but if you have any question abt anything, id be happy to help
now i need to upgrade things in my farm byeess
loves, siena.
#void success stories#pure consciousness#i am state#the void state#4d reality#void state#loass#manifesation#manifesting#shiftblr#shifting consciousness#manifestblr
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