#and looks good under a hat still lmao that’s necessary

[stellewriites]

got my little lad haircut and i know i say this every time but this is THE one !!! very happy with it 🤭🤭

[beware-of-eels]

Rajbow AU where Bowie and Emma go ice skating during free skate hours at the rink Raj and Wayne work part time to help cover hockey costs

except instead of being bad at it, Bowie fully knowing how to skate- instead faking a minor (graceful) fall so that the cute rink employee with the eyebrows comes over to help him up and check on him. And maybe get his number

Got carried away thinking about this in detail so if you want the longer babbly almost-a-fic version it's under the cut lmao

[disclaimer: everything ik abt ice rinks is from going to the one at the mall like. maybe three times in my life bdbsbnxnd. I live in Texas] [i've also literally never written fanfic and so am not much of a writer but this kind of possessed me when i was bored at work so if the dialogue is bad or ooc and the tense is all off.... no its not lmao]

Anyways - Emma's decided she's going to invest in hobbies that she DIDN'T share with chase, something completely separate and away from him -- chase thinks its to impress him bc of course he does. someone send this boy to detention--and drags Bowie along "so she's not alone, obviously"

good friend that he is, Bowie goes with, and especially bc Bowie DOES know how to skate - pretty well actually. he's no figure skater/hockey player/etc, but if Bowies going to do anything in public he's going to do it well. he can make his way around the rink with ease, manage a little fancy footwork when he wants to, enough to pull a minor trick out of his hat. besides, what's the point of doing something if you can't show off a little bit? never hurts to catch someone's eye, or establish yourself to your peers as someone who knows what they're doing -- and really, Bowie's counting on his reputation to ensure those prom votes.

what Bowie didn't count on was the cute hockey boy that was handing off skate rentals to blush and stammer so sweetly when he flirted with him for the hell of it. and he really didn't count on said cute hockey boy having a shift change and heading onto the rink to fill in as ice monitor pretty soon after he and Emma start skating. Even in the flourescent lighting the boy is cute, and it doesn't take a genius to see how hockey has bulked him up - and he really was so endearing when he was flustered- so Bowie figures why not try his hand at a little more fun. And really, what better way to shoot his shot than to fake needing a little extra help from a buff hockey player?

Naturally Wayne and Raj work their stations together - their manager had tried to separate them once and was QUICK to never make that mistake again - so when they've switched out with their coworkers handling skate rentals, they're immediately out on the ice together, as loud and rambunctious as they can get away with without reprimand

if Raj is a little (not-so) secretly excited to maybe see the cute boy that winked at him earlier - Yknow, bc it made him feel excited! ...whatever that meant - then that's between him, Wayne, and the hockey gods. otherwise hes just pumped to be on the ice with his best bud. They're making their rounds, keeping an eye out for anything dangerous or against the rules that they might have to intervene, and otherwise yelling hockey metaphors and mutual encouragement as loudly as they can get away with

and right when Wayne has to slip away to separate a couple of kids trying to trip eachother, Bowie decides to makes his move

He gives emma the heads up that he's gonna slow down and try something, and does his best to fall as gracefully as he can - maintaining the look of competence is still important after all - while still doing so loud enough to garner the cute hockey boy's - Rajie?- attention. He sits on the ice a second longer than he strictly necessary, and by the time he's ready to stand back up Raj is there holding out a steady hand, bushy eyebrows pulled together in concern.

"oh my god are you okay - here I'll help you up" He looks so worried for a moment that Bowie almost feels bad for lying. Almost.

"well i'm much better now" Bowie throws the boy another wink, earning him the exact flustered face Raj had responded with before. Forget subtlety if that's the reaction he was going to get by being forward, "but I do think my ankle could use a little TLC - care to help me get somewhere to sit down?

"Uh yes! Yes of course, thats. thats what I'm here for!" Raj can feel his face heating up as he stammers under the gaze of the boy in front of him "I'm Raj, uh by the way"

And isn't he just too cute "I'm Bowie, it's nice to meet you"

Raj quickly signals to Wayne the general situation, and then solidifies himself into position to help Bowie up without falling himself. after that it doesn't take too much finagling to get bowie back up to his feet and leaning heavily on raj's shoulder and the two of them start to slowly make their way back off of the rink. Bowie can't help but smile a bit- he was absolutely right about Raj being buff, and he couldn't wait to see what else he had in store.

Raj, nervous about having a cute boy so close to him suddenly, does what he does best - fall into Hockey talk - or in this case, hockey adjacent. Hockey could be a dangerous sport - he'd helped teammates with ankle sprains plenty of times! It would probably help Bowie feel better to know that Raj has this handled "We'll have to check which part of your ankle hurts once we sit you down - just to make sure it's not a fracture. You can lean on me more if you need! its uh, you don't want to put too much pressure on it until we can take a look at it. I should have some extra stuff in my bag to wrap it up if its a sprain, and then I can see if we still have ice packs in the first aid kit! Hopefully it's just a sprain, but dont worry if it's worse I'll still make sure you're okay! When me and wayne - that's my buddy - were kids, I fractured my arm pretty bad at practic-"

Bowie had seen already that Raj was a little nervous talking to him, if plenty enthusiastic. But the sweetness of his scramble to comfort Bowie for an injury that hadn't even occured - not that he had to know that - was invigorating none the less. There was a genuineness to the boy that was refreshing, and he was sure if he was actually hurt, he would be feeling calmed and comforted by his babbling. If not for the talk about first aid, then for the earnestness in Raj's telling of his own past injuries on the ice.

Raj doesn't realize he's still talking until he's helping Bowie sit down on a bench outside near the skate rental area. "oh sorry if that was too much - I'm gonna go get the first aid kit then I'll be right back!"

He walked off quickly, glad for the chance to take a breather, and keep his head from being clouded by sharp eyes and quit witted flirting. Not to mention the bold choice of Bowie to wear a crop top to go ice skating. It certainly did look nice on him

Once Raj returns, he leans down and carefully begins checking Bowies ankle for anything serious - slowly pressing on the skin and rotating the foot to gauge maneuverability. Satisfied with Bowie's assessment that the pain wasn't too bad, he got to work wrapping his foot - Raj wasn't going to let shoddy first aid exacerbate the problem.

Looking down at the hockey player in front of him, Bowie gets to work on his own interests. "Thank you for all your help - usually I consider myself a pretty good skater, but oh well. I guess one person can't be fantastic at everything all the time," he punctuated with a large sigh, wiggling his toes when Raj motions for him to.

"Oh I'm sure you're always fantastic! I've been skating since I could walk and even I still take a tumble from time to time - that doesn't mean you aren't great! I guess mine usually come from bad checks though eh? Oh because I play hockey! I don't remember if I told you that-- A-anyways, I didn't really get to see you skate before you fell but I'm sure you're incredible. I mean you seem incredible. At skating! I mean"

Raj finally cuts himself off, hoping to end the awkardness of his own rambling. All he had to do was finish wrapping up Bowie's ankle and exit the interaction with minimal blushing - he could do that! He could hear Wayne's voice hyping him up in his head - was a snow owl, he'd faced goons bent on injuring and cross checks more than even made sense for a highschool league - he could handle getting through a conversation with a cute boy. Even if said cute boy had long eyelashes and a knowing smile and a pearl necklace expertly framing his neck.

Bowie of course could not be more pleased - it seems Raj was more than just fun to fluster. He was sweet and earnest and clearly passionate about hockey - enough that Bowie found himself actually looking forward to hearing more of Raj's confusing hockey lingo, if it meant seeing that focused look in his eyes when he started getting carried away.

"Well if you really think so, maybe you'd like to see how incredible I am some other time - when you're not working, of course"

"For sure dude! That sounds like loads of fun!" Raj's agreement comes out enthusiastic, until he look down at Bowies ankle in his hands, freshly wrapped and now with an ice pack to match "But not until your ankle's healed up - skating's great but you won't be able to if you hurt your ankle worse by pushing it." The sudden intensity of his expression betraying how seriously the boy takes his sport.

Bowie stifles a laugh "It really doesn't hurt that much, but deal. Maybe you can show me some of your fancy hockey moves while we're at it" he said liltingly. and theres that blush again, hard to see on his skin but clear as day to the boy who triggered it "in the meantime though -can I get your number?"

Raj answers without even taking a beat "Oh I'm number 8! On the snow owls, I'm actually alternate capt-" he's cut off by a gentle hand on his own where it's still holding the ice pack.

"I actually meant your phone number" bowie's ecpression is nothing but kind, so Raj doesn't feel quite so clueless when he manages out a

"Right! yes, right - here let me see your phone"

the two boys quickly exchange numbers, as Bowie continues his previous thought "But I'd love to hear all about your hockey team on our date"

"Yeah! ha, that sounds good."

The two of them stay a moment just to smile at one another, before the moment is broken-

"RAJIE! Are you doin okay there bud? Do you need some help?" "Don't worry Wayners! I'll be over in a sec!"

Raj turns back to Bowie, sheepish "I uh, gotta get back to work, do you have somebody that can take you home safe?"

Bowie presses a quick peck to his cheek, "I've got a friend here with me, no need to worry about little ole me. I'll see you soon though, handsome"

And again that blush. Raj manages to stammer through a goodbye before trudging back to the ice - doing a quick lap around at full speed to release some of his energy before returning to his best friends side. He'd tell Wayne all about it later, for now he was just doing his best not to smile too hard.

Eventually Emma finds her way to Bowie sat on a bench, carefully tying his shoes back over a newly bandaged ankle.

"sooo how'd it go? you didn't really hurt your ankle did you? because you know I'd feel awful for bringing you here if you got hurt and didn't even get a cute boy's number out of it"

"No on the injury, Yes on getting his number - let's head back to your house, I'll catch you up on the ride home"

"Yes! well I'm glad one of us had a good time - after you left Chase walked by - how did he even know we were here? He's so -"

Bowie tunes out the rest of his friends rant, he'd heard this before, and he was sure she'd forgive him for not listening if he told her he was thinking about his upcoming date with Raj. The boy really was too good, and Bowie hadn't even really had to work very hard to find that out. He found himself throwing in an occasional remark to keep Emma going as they walked, thinking about the intensity with which Raj clearly loved sports, about the simple sincerity in the way that he talked. This really could be the start of something special

Yep, the trip to the ice rink had gone better than imagined. He just needed to admit to Raj that he had fallen on purpose and all would be well.

After they were on their date, of course.

[paging-possum]

DISCLAIMER THIS UPDATE WAS WRITTEN ENTIRELY AT 3AM

Coming live to you all from finals season! It hasn’t actually been that bad thus far, just very long and tedious on account of the fact that I’m an art major. The pro is that most of my finals will be done before actual finals week meaning that I get to rest while my STEM friends suffer! The con is that I’m ALSO a science major so I’ll have to suffer a little with them. The third, more sinister (positive) thing is that my only science class this semester is human bio and I learned half that stuff last year anyways so I won’t actually be struggling LMAO. Anyways. My comic. 

Got another very big burst of motivation this week because of my 3D class actually! I’ve been coming to the realization that I spend so much time meticulously planning things that it scares me out of just. Going and getting them done. The solution? Just jump right into it without worrying about it! So, instead of trying to power through the script before letting myself draw anything (which is the main thing I really want to get to right now), I’ve started thumbnailing the first scene since it’s the most solid part of the story so far and least subject to major changes! I recently edited it to fix up Lyssa’s conversation with Terry and cut out a couple characters who I didn’t think were necessary to the story, so it should be pretty smooth sailing to actually make those pages. It’s a much more exciting thing to work on in addition to working out some of the later plot threads- and it gives me a better idea of how long the comic will be in total. I was hoping to keep this one under 100 pages and it’s looking bleak given that the first scene is 25 pages (I AM TRYING TO CUT IT DOWN AND YET IT STILL LOOKS BLEAK) (I might just be underestimating how much I can fit on one page so we'll see) thumbnails

There are MANY other projects happening this week. I have finals for 3 of my classes! All of them are art classes! My 2D final is a puppet about rabies so that feels pertinent to this comic! I also did some secret santa work (hi CAPE crew)(also applied to the dndads winter exchange just for funsies) and finished a hat, and somehow managed to get the wrong knitting needles three times and then send the right set of knitting needles to my house instead of my college address so the future of this sweater is a little in the balance but I’m also gods specialest little boy and capable of anything I put my mind to and also JUST realized that I can make incredibly strong instant coffee in the microwave in my dorm instead of having to go out and spend money on it which is financially saving me but forever dooming my body. I did that at 7pm. mistake .I think Im’ doing other stuff but its 3am and i cannot for the life of me remember. 

I REMEMBEREDB my friend who i mentioned in the first one of these PUBLISHED THE GAME SHE WAS WORKING ON!! AND YOU CAN PLAY IT NOW!!!! AND YOU SHOULD!!! https://fish-games.itch.io/value 

WHAT HAVE I BEEN LISTENING TO THIS WEEK:

Things We Lost in the Fire by Bastille

Angus, the Prize-Winning Hog by The Toxhards

Spider Dance by Toby Fox

Spiderwebs by No Doubt

Running with the Wolves by AURORA

The Poppy Wars by R.F Kuang (not a song, but a very good audiobook! Enjoying it so far!)

[hyunjilicious]

onlyfans #2 [ransom drysdale x reader x lee bodecker]

A/n: !!!! part two is here and I’m literally so excited lmao. It was supposed to be twice as long, but stick around because I’ll start writing part 3 asap!! I love this concept!! Come talk to me about it!!

Summary: Ransom decides that what his onlyfans account needed to get more traction is a threesome. So here he is, Sheriff Lee Bodecker in all his glory. (SMUT) 8.9k

Warnings: unprotected sex, double penetration, oral (both receiving), humiliation, degradation, dirty talk, dom/sub dynamics, domestic submission, daddy kink, slapping, spanking, dubcon/noncon, filming sexual acts... they’re both assholes, you have been warned! Absolutely DO NOT READ if any of these upset you or make you uncomfortable in any way! Also, 18+ in case that wasn’t clear lol. That being said... ENJOY!!

 You can read part 1 here, although this works as a standalone too!

Despite your fingers nervously trembling around the small brush in your hand, your makeup turned out just about perfect. And now, you were just standing there, in front of the mirror, studying every inch of your face, searching for any small detail that had yet to be fixed. There wasn't one. Just like always, you now looked perfect too. 

Still, the will to stand up and leave was absent. It was perfectly silent around the room, creating the perfect environment for you to get lost in thoughts. Your stomach was buzzing with enthusiasm and your palms were sweaty, yet you wanted to delay the moment for as long as you could - maybe the eyeliner wing on your right eye was a bit too thick - maybe you needed to start over. And you were just about to do so, to grab the makeup remover inches away from your hand, and undo the work you've put so much patience in. But you didn't get to.

The door opened and Ransom walked inside. 

You didn't turn around, as his frame showed up in the mirror, right behind you. 

"You look beautiful, love" he said softly, his fingers dancing through your recently styled hair.

"Thank you"

"Look at me" he cooed, tilting your chin.

You fell back against his hard abdomen, smiling deeply as you searched for his stern eyes. They were cold, you knew he had something in mind.

It was one of those days when he wouldn't allow anything to go wrong. Although always a control freak, throughout your relationship, you learned when it was absolutely necessary to not piss him off - and it was more than easy to tell that this was one of those times.

"I love you" Ransom smiled, leaning down to kiss your forehead.

His touch warmed you up from the inside. Slowly, his hands descended from your shoulders, caging your chest into a sweet embrace, before grabbing your breasts into his palms. You moaned lightly, your eyes falling closed.

"Such a good girl" he chuckled, squeezing harder until you squirmed under his touch. "Does it hurt?" he asked, his grip not loosening up.

You nodded, eyes still closed and your smile just as wide. "But I like it," you confessed.

"Of course you do, baby" he laughed, "I know exactly what my baby needs"

Cheeks on fire, you spun around in your chair, and wrapped your arms around his middle. Ransom rubbed your back a few times, before harshly pulling you up to face him, "How are you feeling? You feeling good? Excited?"

"Yes" you nodded eagerly.

He took a deep breath, kissing the top of your head before returning to look at you with a serious glare in his eyes, "Lee's gonna be here real soon, and I need you to be real good for me, ok? I know you can, but you can also be a pain in the ass, sometimes. Now is not the time, Y/n, ok?"

"Yes, I know" you nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck, "I'll make you proud, you'll see. I wanna do this right, Ransom, I won't let you down, I promise."

Hearing your words, the corners of his mouth tilted into a devious grin, "Why aren't you always like this?" Despite his words being somewhat cold and condescending, there was awe in his eyes. It didn't always look like it, but he loved you more than he could ever put into words - he did it in his own fucked up way, but he did, and you knew it.

"I try" you giggled, "You know I always try to be good, it's just that sometimes it's hard with you"

"I wouldn't be so hard on you, baby girl, if you didn't ask for it"

"Ok" you sighed, smiling as you spoke inches away from his lips, "You know I never actually mean to upset you, right?"

"Of course, angel, you're not that stupid"

"Oh my god" you rolled your eyes.

Laughing at his antics and at his ways of making everything that came out of his mouth sound demeaning, you turned around to give yourself another look in the mirror.

"I'm not finished, baby" he sighed, grabbing your elbow to spin you around. "Now, I know you're not dumb enough to say no to me, but it's not gonna be just us two today-"

"I know" you cut him off, stomping your foot, already growing annoyed with what looked like his lack of trust in you, "I won't do anything to piss him-"

"No," Ransom said harshly, grabbing your chin. Your blood ran cold as his demeanor changed. "Why do you have to go and make assumptions, hm? Told you to be a good girl and listen to me. He's not even here yet, and there you are, interrupting me when I'm speaking to you. You know how much I hate that. Are you capable of shutting that mouth and listening?"

You nodded against his grip, eyes wide with regret.

"Good" he cleared his throat, "What I wanted to say, you dumb slut, is that if he does anything you don't like - and by anything, I mean so much as breathes the wrong way, you tell me, and he's out, got it?"

"Yes" you whimpered, taken aback. You did not see that coming.

"You'll be a good girl, listen to him and do whatever he says, yeah? If you don't like him, you come to tell me. If you don't come and tell me, I'll assume everything goes, understood?"

"Yes"

"Use your words, full sentences, come on, Y/n, I know it's hard for you, but you can do it," he growled, shaking your entire frame to get your attention.

"If- if I don't like him-" you mumbled, "I'll tell you. Otherwise, I'll do everything he says"

Instantly, his face contorted into a sick smile, letting go of your chin, "Was that so hard?"

You weakly shook your head, "No"

Ransom opened his mouth to say something else, but the sound of the door bell ringing beat him to it. A wave of anxiety washed over you, but he never looked more excited. Ransom hurried towards the door of the bedroom, stopping just before waking out, "Is that blow job proof?" he asked, pointing to your lips.

"Yeah" you nodded.

"Good, I like a challenge" he grinned, "Come downstairs whenever you're ready"

"Wait-" you hurried to stop him, "You never told me what to wear"

Ransom frowned, looking you up and down. You had a violet bralette on, and a pair of shorts. This wasn't right.

"Wear whoever you want, love" he said confused, "You won't be in them long anyway"

"Ok" you whispered, head buzzing with a million possibilities, "I'll be right there"

"Take your time, baby"

And with that, he left. 'Fuck' you thought, rushing over to your closet. Nervous sweat coated your entire body as your eyes scanned over the multitude of clothing options laying before you, yet none of them seemed to fit the occasion. You knew better than to wear something unnecessarily skimpy that would make every one of your movements uncomfortable, but at the same time, you knew sweats wouldn't cut it. After a moment's worth of careful consideration, you took off your bra and instead put on a black cashmere shirt, with the top buttons undone to the point where your cleavage was nothing more than suggestive, and tucked it into a pair of high waisted shorts. For a second you considered adding heels to your outfit, but figured none of the two men patiently waiting downstairs would think twice before asking you to put them on in case that was what they wanted. So, you hooked your fingers around the heel of the shoes, and left the bedroom.

As you tiptoed your way down the circular staircase, Ransom's familiar tone became audible. When you rounded the corner, his voice came to a halt, and instantly, his eyes met yours.

"Babe!" he called, his proud smile lighting up the room. He raised one hand to wave you over as he sent a knowing grin to his guest.

From where you were standing, you could only see the back of Lee's head. Now, you had seen pictures of him, yet a buzz of anticipation coursed through your body. As you walked across the living room, Ransom's eyes never left your frame, but Lee took his time. He had only turned to look at you when you reached them, deep, hungry blue eyes scanning your frame.

You knew he was a sheriff two towns over, so that was why you found yourself just slightly disappointed with the fact that he seemed to have left his uniform at home. It made sense, but you still wished he had brought at least the hat. 

His attire resembled a police uniform, however these were regular clothes. Nothing more than a black shirt tucked into some worn out pair jeans, and a leather jacket to top off the look. At a first glance, he wasn't the type to take your breath away, but still, your eyes remained trained on him.

He looked about a few years older than Ransom, which made him maybe 15 years older than you, only the thought tugging the corners of your lips into a frenzied grin. You did your best not to stare, but you found yourself somewhat drawn to him. He wasn't your type, not even by far, especially considering the way his belly pushed down on the belt of his jeans, but the circumstances allowed, and you couldn't deny the pang you felt between your legs when you remember what he was here for.

"Baby?" Ransom called. With a small jump, you came back to reality, and turned to your boyfriend, a polite smile on your lips. "Sheriff Lee Bodecker, Y/n. Y/n, this is Lee"

Before he even finished making the introductions, you had already tiptoed your way over. "Nice to meet you" 

Up close, there was something different about him. He didn't bother standing up, instead just spread his knees a little wider, taking your hand into his and kissing your knuckles, "Nice to meet ya, sweetheart"

Tingles went up your arm from where he had just pressed his lips to your skin, and as your mind was busy processing the situation, you failed to say anything else.

Ransom saved you the embarrassment, cutting off the silence, "Love, grab us something to drink, ok?"

"Yes, of course!" you jumped, eager to change the tone. "What would you like?"

"I'm a whiskey man myself-" Lee snickered, "I'll take whatever you guys have, though. Just make it cold. Ice, if ya got any"

You turned to Ransom. "That Toussaint no.05 bottle, baby, you know which one?" he asked.

You nodded.

"Good, now hurry"

And you did - you almost stormed out of the room, rushing into the kitchen. Being out of their presence felt like you could finally breathe again. Planting your hands on the cold, marble counter, you leaned forward, taking in breath after breath. 'Calm the fuck down' you thought to yourself. 'The fuck is wrong with me? He's not good looking-' you cringed, squeezing your eyes shut, 'Then why am I-' 

You stopped yourself before even articulating the thoughts. You were afraid of what it meant. That was not something for you to process right now. So, forcing yourself to not make any wrong move, you took out the good glasses stashed on the top shelf of the kitchen counter, added a couple of ice cubes, and watched the whiskey linger along them. 

Cringing at the thought of announcing the drinks were ready, you decided to walk back inside without another word, and placed the glasses on the small coffee table between them.

"Where's your glass, puppet, ya gonna drink straight from the bottle?" Lee asked, not even hesitating before attacking his whiskey.

"Oh, I don't really drink"

"Why not?" he asked, cringing from the sourness of the drink.

"I-" you stammered, turning to look at Ransom.

"Have a sip" he laughed at your innocence, pointing to his glass, "See if you like it"

"Come on, angel, you'll love it." Lee chuckled, patting the spot next to him on the couch, "Pour yourself a drink and come sit down with me"

Against your better judgement, you did as told. You went and fixed yourself a glass, but when you returned, it was as if the alcohol had already gotten to them. You knew they couldn't have been drunk yet, but it sure looked at if it was what they needed to get the vibe going. Ransom gestured for you with a simple nod to join Lee, and on shaky knees, you did so.

In your mind, you were going to walk over there and sit at least 10 inches away from him, but he had other ideas. When you reached him, Lee spread his legs, tapping his thigh, "Come 'ere, doll"

You gulped and sat down in his lap, his hands instantly finding your hips. "You good?" he asked, rubbing his big, calloused hand up and down your bare thigh, "Seem a little tense"

"I'm good" you smiled shyly.

"Ya sure?" he asked tauntingly, throwing you a wicked smile that exposed his teeth. It sent shivers down your spine, but you nodded obediently. Wanting to release some of the tension, and due to a lack of a better answer, you turned to Ransom, who much to your dismay, had his nose buried into his phone - his attention nowhere near to whatever was going on in the room.

Lee was quick to cry for your attention, not too shy to grab your chin and get you to face him again. "Don't you think you and I should get to know each other a bit?" he taunted, "Or do you not have any kind of problem fucking a random stranger?"

"I-" you muttered, eyes widening with surprise, "Yeah. You're right, yeah. We should"

It was as if he could feel the tension in your veins. And it was if he feasted on the uneasiness that enveloped you. His proud stare showed just how much he was enjoying the moment.

"Let me see you, then, doll" he hummed, rubbing the back of his fingers up your side, tracing the curve of your breast. "Got no reason to be shy" he added, tugging at your collar.

"I- I'm not shy" you sighed, shaking your head.

"Told ya to drink some of that whiskey, doll, would've made things easier." Lee grabbed the highest button that was still done on your shirt, playing with it between his fingers, "Wanna see your tits, baby"

Determined to at least start on the right foot, you didn't hesitate to open a few more buttons and then pull the shirt over your head. Never in your life had you felt more exposed, and the pain between your legs reflected that perfectly. 

"Sorry to interrupt-" Ransom laughed, standing up from his spot.

His voice nearly startled you. Embarrassment took over you when you put all the pieces together, and your palms got sweaty just thinking about what he was about to say.

"I'll give you two some alone time-" he continued, "Gotta set up the room anyway. But I need to post a picture before, a little hype never hurt nobody, right?"

"Right" you nodded, waiting for further instructions. 

However, they didn't come from Ransom. Lee grabbed your waist and spun you around, your back now facing him. Straddling his right leg, you pushed your ass back against his crotch and brought your chest forward, tilting your head to the side, as you waited for Ransom to take the picture.

He was chuckling as he did, shaking his head with an expression on his face that you failed to read. Instantly, he shoved his phone back in his pocket and walked over to you. He laced his fingers through your hair, looking down into your eyes.

"You gonna be a good little girl for Mr. Bodecker?"

"Yes"

"You'll do anything he asks, ok?"

"Yes, I will" you nodded.

"Promise me?"

"Yes, I promise" you smiled up at him.

"Don’t piss him off, Y/n, you'll regret it later" Ransom threatened, but he did so with an eager grin on his lips.

"I won't" you giggled, "I promise"

"She can't piss me off" Lee butted in, his whole frame shaking with laughter under your weight, "Look at her"

"I see her" Ransom smirked, walking towards the bedroom, "I fucking see her but you'll be surprised how big of a fucking pain in the ass she can be when she wants to"

"You look a fucking gem to me, doll" he grinned.

You turned around in his hold and settled back on his thigh, but this time facing him. "Thank you" you smiled.

"Can't lie," Lee chuckled, "Curious what you could do to piss your daddy off"

"Nothing on purpose"

"Course not" he agreed, every now and then his glare slipping down to your exposed chest. "Can tell you're a good girl, and you know your place. Wouldn’t be standing here if you weren't, would you?"

"I guess not"

He took a deep breath, "I tell you what-" Lee sighed, grabbing your glass and shoving it into your hands, "Drink this. All of it, like the good girl you said you are, and maybe then I won't have to force the words out of you, hm?"

"I'm sorry-" you tried to excuse yourself, "I'm just-"

"Drink!"

His tone made the temperature in the room drop, and you didn't hesitate. The alcohol burned its way down your throat, upsetting your stomach before you even finished the drink. The bitterness became too much, and feeling your gag reflex threaten to stop you from ingesting any more of the whiskey, you straightened your back and pulled the glass away from your lips.

"What did I say?" he raised an eyebrow, "Finish it"

And he helped you with it, guiding your hand back up to your lips, forcing the remaining liquid to pour down your throat. A few stray drops escaped and dribbled down your chin, giving him the perfect excuse to gather them with his thumb and then shove his digit into your mouth.

You gathered your lips around his finger, your eyes shakily looking for his.

"See it wasn't that hard?" he laughed, and you nodded no, without breaking the eye contact.

"God damnit, girl, got my cock all hard already"

You watched him carefully, unable to answer with his thumb still knuckles deep into your mouth. It was clear you were driving him insane, his cock bulging against the material of his pants.

"Come 'ere" he eventually said, moving his hand to grip your chin, roughly pulling you towards him.

You leaned into his touch and followed his lead. Slowly, you found yourself bent over him, your chest pressed to his, as he welcomed your lips into a greedy kiss. It took you aback, but you gave in completely. He took the lead, one hand on the back of your head and the other on your waist, his tongue exploring your mouth with nonchalance. For better support, you planted your palms against his shoulders, hoping you could pull yourself up and straddle his hips. 

"Like this" the sheriff grunted against your lips, effortlessly guiding you higher up his thigh. You settled with a small huff, holding onto his chest for better balance. The hunger on his lips was consuming you as he kissed down your neck. His hands reached behind your back, pressing you down into his leg. Unconsciously, you started to rock back and forth, slowly and subtly, not wanting things to escalate, all you needed was a bit of release.

But Lee caught onto it, snaking his fingers under the hem of your way too revealing shorts, "Wanna get yourself off on my leg, doll?" he whispered against your jaw, tightening his hold on your ass.

You whined lowly, not giving him any kind of answer.

"Is your cunt wet?" he asked, his hands not leaving your ass.

"Yes-" you cringed, pressing yourself harder down against his thigh.

"Then fucking strip, and get yourself off"

"Now?" you gasped.

"No, tomorrow" Lee rolled his eyes, slapping your cheek hard enough to get you to realise just how serious he was. 

For the first time, you felt actual fear in your veins, but at the same time, your fingertips buzzed with determination to please him. So you scrambled off his lap and undressed, your jeans sliding off your legs with ease, followed by your panties, drenched and already slick with your juices. His glare burned your skin but you returned to your place against his leg.

The feeling of your bare core against the material of his jeans drove you insane. It was rough and slightly painful, but once you started to move, rolling your hips along his muscles, the pain started to fade into pleasure. With your hands gripping the sides of his shirt under his jacket, you worked on getting yourself off.

"Look at me" the sheriff commanded, slapping your ass, "What goes through that head of yours now, hm? Tell me"

"You" you panted, slowly looking up at him with shame in your eyes, "Now- what I'm doing now-"

"Makes you feel like a slut?"

You hesitated, but answered, "Yes"

"And you love that, don't you?"

"Yes.. I do"

"Should've figured that out sooner" Lee shook his head, his hands lewdly gripping your breasts, "You whore yourself out for money everyday, don't know why I thought I should go easy on you. You don't want that, do you? For me to go easy on you? You wanna be roughed up real good. Saw what your daddy does to you everyday, you can take it"

"Yes, I can take it" you whined, doing your best to work with what you got. No matter what you did, you wanted more. More pressure against your clit, needed something to enter you, needed Mr. Bodecker to push your buttons just a bit more. 

"Were you always like this?" he taunted, guiding your hips towards a more profound release, his nails deep in your skin as he spoke through his gritted teeth, "Whiny, and with no fuckin' shame? Eager to please whatever man touches you?"

"...no"

"No?" he questioned surprised, "Ransom turned into into his fuck doll, didn't he?"

You nodded, feeling your walls start to clench as you were getting closer and closer to an orgasm.

"I bet you like it better now, don't you?" Lee pushed, "Bet the fuckin' is so much better now that you got yourself a man that knows how to treat a whore like you"

At this point your core was numb as you sweated through every pore, your high moments away. "Never- I- I never had anyone else" you confessed in a shaky tone.

"What?" Lee exploded, perverse enthusiasm threatening to burst out of him. He smiled like you've never seen him before, his pupils dilated as a rush of jealousy washed over him. "That fucker, shoulda known" he shook his head.

"He loves me” you tried to articulate, your words coming out all whiny and muffled.

“Show me how much you love your daddy-” Lee growled, grabbing your chin into his hand. He immobilized you so that you couldn’t look away, his eyes so vile and crude that you felt violated to your bones, “Cum for me if you love him, you know that’s what he wants”

“Yes” you cried.

“He wouldn’t have you in this position if he didn’t love you, baby” he huffed, his lips wet with spit as the anger in his words took over, “He trusts you to be good, don’t let him down”

“I don’t want to let him down”

“Then be a good fucking slut and cum”

You felt pleasure roll up your spine, your eyes squeezing shut as tears broke away at the corners. You bit down hard into your lips, coming undone into the hands of the stranger Ransom chose, and you didn’t have anything against it. As wave after wave of liquid ecstasy surged through your frame, you moaned out loud, profanity after profanity, until your body reached its limits and you fell into his hold, body limb in Mr. Bodecker’s lap.

“Knew you had it in ya” he commented, rubbing your back, before rolling you off of him. With minimal effort you settled by his side on the couch, naked and sweaty, your thighs sticky together as you waited for his next move.

“I know sluts like you think better after their pussies get some attention, so now you can listen to me” Lee taunted, his hand exploring your body.

With big, doe eyes, you remained silent.

“Got a few rules for you, doll” he grinned, slipping his fingers along your sensitive folds, “Think you can keep up?"

“I can” you responded, just his condescending tone making your clit buzz all over again.

“Once that camera is on, I’m not a fucking sheriff and my name isn’t Lee, got that? I’m Sir to you, or whatever that brain of yours manages to muster. Don’t care what you have to say anyway, so you can go ahead and call me whatever you deem appropriate. If you choose anything stupid, you’ll regret it, so I’m counting on the fact that you won’t”

“I won’t” you shook your head, finally slipping in the right mood for what was to come, “I’ll call you Sir”

“Good,” he slowly nodded, his eyes scanning your body. His hand still between your legs, was teasing your opening, making you crave more, but you knew better.

“What are the other rules?” you asked innocently.

“Had a couple more” Lee admitted, standing up from the couch and motioning for you to follow suit, “But won’t it be so much more fun if you figure them out as we go?”

“I don’t want to do anything wrong” you pouted, scrambling to your feet.

“Sweet-” he grinned, slapping your ass and pointing towards the bedrooms, “I’m sure you will though, and I can’t wait”

“I won’t” you beamed, turning around and walking backwards up the stairs, “You’ll see!”

“Wanna make me real proud?”

“Yes!”

“Figure out what the other two rules were, and maybe then I won’t think you’re just a dumb fuck toy”

“You’ll see, Mr. Bodecker” you giggled, rushing up the remaining steps before reaching the bedroom, “I’m more than meets the eye”

He shook his head, amused with how eager you turned. Your whole attitude changed, you turned from a sweet girl, shy but still determined to do right by her daddy, into this completely other version of yourself, walking naked around the house, smiling proudly when a stranger decided to openly degrade you. Did you care? Not in the slightest.

It only came to you as a sudden realisation that you had no clothes on when you walked into the bedroom, and saw Ransom chuckling under his breath after his eyes landed on you.

“Is that how you get to know people?” he shook his head, opening his closet and fishing out a Tshirt for you, “You fuck ‘em?”

“Jesus-” you scoffed, turning the shirt around in your hands and then pulling it over your head, “We didn’t fuck”

“So you’re just naked and flushed for no reason”

Before you got the chance to say anything you might soon regret, you heard the floorboards creak, as Lee entered the room and walked around you towards the bed. His cock was threatening to rip away through the hard material of his pants, and it wasn’t only you who noticed.

“On your knees, Y/n” Ransom commanded, still on the other side of the room, playing with the camera set-up. 

Without questioning his words, you dropped to the floor, only to have to crawl all the way over to Lee. He looked satisfied, his cheeks red and he seemed on the edge, but he had controlled himself enough. He toyed with your hair as you leaned against his knees, smiling up at him.

“Ok” Ransom said, coming up behind you to face Lee, “Record with this-” he added, handing him his phone, “It doesn’t really matter how good it turns out, the main camera is the one over there-” he said, nodding to the side, “But still, you got the best point of view”

“Yeah, yeah, got it” Lee nodded, taking the phone into his hand.

When no command came for you, you looked up at Ransom confused. 

“What?” he asked, “Want me to teach you how to suck a dick?”

You almost said no. You almost answered probably the most rhetorical question Ransom had ever spoken, and couldn’t help but giggle to yourself. The moment was cut short however, as Lee stood up and undid his pants. Your palms watered as you listened to his belt being unbuckled, and then you didn’t find the will to look away as he started to lower his jeans down his thighs.

You didn’t quite know what you were expecting, but your breathing became unregulated as soon as his enlarged member came into view. More thick than long and with dark veins protruding at its sides, you watched precum leak out of the inflamed head of his cock. 

Suddenly, you felt a pair of hands, Ransom’s, grab your cheeks from where he was standing behind you, and pull you back with force so that he could look into your eyes. He bent down until his breath fanned against your skin, “Don’t hold back, baby, yeah. Suck his cock as good as you suck mine. Don’t fucking disappoint me. You take it down your throat, you swallow and you say thanks, got it?”

When he received your answer in the form of a nod, Ransom pushed you back. He easily guided you forward until you were standing between Mr. Bodecker’s legs. Placing your elbows on his thighs, you picked up his cock, and lowered yourself as deep as you could, planting your tongue as the base of his shaft. You licked your way up until you reached the tip, expertly twirling your tongue along his slit, delighted by the grunts he tried so hard to conceal. 

Pumping him in your hand a few times, you prepared to take him down your throat. You knew he couldn’t last much longer, every sign pointed to him being already close to his release. Wrapping your lips around his tip, you sucked mercilessly from between hollowed cheeks. 

"Love-" Ransom sighed, fisting your hair into his hand and harshly pulling you back. He spoke into your ear, in a grave tone that shook you to the core, "I know you can do better than that”

Hyperventilating, your eyes shot up to meet Lee’s, his expression coated in a crude, hazardous shade of darkness. He brought his hand up to rub his thumb across your bottom lip as he, much to your surprise, guided you back, “Come on, doll”

You obliged, and resumed your work as Ransom’s hold on you loosened up.

You bopped your head up and down against the tip of his cock, chest tightening with the anxiety of going further. It was the fear of the unknown that took hold of you, but it was short lived, your suspicion based dread soon being replaced with a fear that was solely rooted in the acts of the two men around you.

Lee curled his fingers around the roots of your hair, forcing your mouth to slip all the way down his cock. He stopped when it was no longer your will resizing him, but the fact that he couldn’t physically push you any further.

You slumped under his grip, your knees falling weak as your back resumed its curved position, trying - hoping to make some way - any kind of way for air to still pass to your lungs. But it was in vain, as your throat convulsed around his bulbous head, your eyes wet with still unshed tears. Deep down, you knew you could keep going, but your instincts begged for a release. 

Slowly, you curled your fingers into the flesh of his thighs, pressing down hard as your legs squirmed under your weight. You tried to move away, but were only met with the pain of your hair being pulled, as Lee continued to keep you in place.

“Stop fighting it, you little slut. You know that's what you're here for” Ransom called, bending down behind you.

His right hand snaked up your shirt, his greedy touch exploring the skin of your sides and then he went further up your chest. It was suffocating and exhausting, a wave of shame rushing up your spine as the first row of tears rushed down your cheeks.

A loud sob tried to escape your throat but it was muffled by the way Lee’s cock filled your mouth. That didn’t stop you however from continuing to choke back pitiful wails as your air supply was running dangerously low.

No matter how hard you fought him, it seemed in vain. He enjoyed his moment of pleasure too much, his chest shaking with every grunt that passed his dry lips.

“Fuck, yes” he eventually cried out, throwing his head back as he released you from his furious grip.

You stumbled backwards, gasping for air, right against Ransom’s chest. He brushed the hair out of your eyes, looking down at you. His breathing was calm and regulated, almost a mockery compared to the heaving way your chest struggled to make up for the time you spent without air. 

“See?” he laughed, kissing your temple, “Told you you could do it”

It took a few seconds for your vision to focus again, your eyes instantly capturing Lee’s frame. His eyes squeezed shut as he worked himself into his hand. You knew you’d regret it if you let him finish by himself, so you pushed your limits, and despite every muscle of your body trembling out of control, you resumed your position ready to get it over with.

“So eager, you slut” Lee shook his head, gripping your chin. Ransom helped guide you, shoving you back between the sheriff's legs, but this time you didn’t need any assistance in taking him all the way down inside your mouth.

You ignored the pang in your chest when his tip brushed against the back of your throat. Your eyes already wet and lungs close to their breaking point, this time you had no chance in lasting as long as you did the first time. Ransom took it upon himself though, squatting down behind you. His muscled thighs caged your shivering frame, as he pinned you down. 

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he laughed against the shell of your ear, “The way he’s fucking your mouth? And you just sit and take it, cause you’re a smart girl, right?”

A joke - he amused himself, as if there was any way for you to actually answer.

“You like having your whore mouth filled with a fat cock? Especially when it belongs to a man you met about an hour ago, don’t you?”

This time, you blinked uncontrollably. His devious tone and rude words made your body respond in a jerk like fashion, your pussy starting to throb, all while accelerating the rate at which your body was starting to run out of oxygen. You curled your fingers into the thick material of Ransom’s sweater, your gesture begging him to stop. But he didn’t, not yet.

“Don’t be rude, slut” he taunted, and you heard Lee chuckle, deep and raspy as his hips bucked into your mouth, “I know your limits and you know how fun it is for me when I ignore them”

At this point, tears streamed down your cheeks, ruining your makeup, your glittery eyeshadow now coating half your face. You coughed harshly, your throat closing up against his cock as your gag reflex settled for maybe what was the final warning.

And as it turns out, Ransom did now your limits, as just when you thought you literally couldn’t take any more, not even just one second longer, he grabbed your hair, pulling you back. His action was met with a loud, pleasure infused moan from Lee’s part, all while you broke down. You clawed away at Ransom’s chest, gathering yourself into a ball between his outstretched arms, as you waited for your body to get accustomed to air again.

“Shh, baby-” he cooed, stroking your hair, “You’re ok, look up at me”

And you did, eyes watery and searching for any kind of warmth or understanding. There were traces of what you knew and called love, but they were hidden behind a perverse satisfaction rooted in seeing you at his mercy.

"Do you want to make daddy angry?" he asked, in such a sweet tone it made it feel like a crime to give any answer other than what he wanted to hear.

"No" you nodded sincerely.

"Then finish him off, pet, don't waste my time" he urged you, pointing to Lee.

Without even bothering to wipe your tears, you spun around and faced Mr. Bodecker again. He was far away from you, head tilted back as he chased his release by himself.

"Open" he commanded, rubbing his thumb across his slit. 

As it turned out, you were not fast enough to comply, as he broke out of his daze, his palm connecting to your cheek, "Fucking open that whore mouth!"

In a matter of seconds, your lips parted, tongue poking out as you waited. And it wasn't a long wait, his hot cum shooting out of his cock and directly into your mouth in an instant.

You swallowed with every chance you got, licking your lips in search for any drops you may have missed. He cursed his way through the earth shattering orgasm, the chain of profanities that come out of his mouth managing to make all the hairs on your body stand up. 

He finished with a low grunt, "Yeah.. yeah.. fuck.." milking his cock until there was nothing left for you to take.

"Good fucking job, you slut" he chuckled along with a shake of his head, almost looking surprised, "Had plenty of practice, didn't you?"

"A bit" you mumbled coyly.

"Oh, so then you're a natural" he laughed, "Makes sense. A whore mouth of yours should always be stuffed"

Due to the lack of a better response, you looked up and muttered a shy "Thank you"

The rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts that stormed through your head at this particular moment made it absolutely impossible for you to keep up with them, but judging by the way he grinned down at you, it should be safe to assume they were not expecting anything more.

With each moment that passed, you found yourself slipping deeper and deeper into a vicious and twisted state of mind, and you let yourself get carried away - both mentally and physically.

In a haze, Ransom grabbed you and threw you on the bed, not even giving you a chance to settle properly before ruthlessly tugging at the shirt you still had on, ripping it off your body with one excruciating screech. His action accentuated the pain between your legs, and you ended up rubbing your thighs together as you sat naked on the bed while the two men looked at you like prey; 3 cameras still pointed at you, still recording.

You licked your lips as Ransom shuffled out of his clothes, your heart rate fibrillating with anticipation. “On your back, pet” your boyfriend commanded.

Following his orders, you let yourself fall back against the plump pillows, your hands around your chest and knees innocently pressed together. Ransom rounded the bed, coming up behind you. He leaned down above you, coming into your line of sight. Even upside down and with his features mostly hidden away by the shadows of the room, his eyes still shone that familiar shade of darkness that brought you to submission in an instant.

As he bent down all the way to press his lips to yours, you felt your legs being pulled apart. Just because you couldn’t see what was going on aroused you to no end, making you moan into the kiss. Ransom’s hands traveled down your body, caressing your breasts with that amount of pressure he knew would have you squirming. And it did, it worked, as you arched your back, whining against his tongue as he tortured your nipples between his experienced fingers.

He almost monopolized your full attention, your mind concentrating solely on the feel of Ransom’s touches, and this too, again, worked in their favour. Out of nowhere, while you were still enjoying the calm moment, a painful slap echoed around the room, the pain only propagating across your body after you processed what happened. 

That was Lee’s way of demanding your attention, or maybe his way of reminding you that this day wasn’t about you and your pleasure. The slap he delivered against your exposed and sensitive pussy had you whimpering out in pain as you pulled away from Ransom’s lips and gathered yourself into a ball.

“Come back here, darling. Where do you think you’re going?” he laughed, pinning your shoulders down against the mattress, as Bodecker aggressively straightened your legs again. “Wanna make this hard?” Ransom questioned.

“No” you shook your head, “No, no, please”

“Then fucking behave!” he yelled, his instant mood swing taking you aback. 

“I’m sorry”

“Fucking pull away like that again and you will be, you dumb slut” he scoffed, slapping your face again.

In the meantime, Lee crawled between your legs, his sordid nature shining bright as he decided you weren’t worth even a warning, before he rammed two fingers inside your pussy, knuckles deep.

“Fuck!” you screamed, fighting against your instinct, and resisting the urge to close your legs together.

Your reaction won you another slap, this one more tame from Ransom, who towered over you, “Who the fuck do you think you are talking to like that?”

“I’m sorry” you whined, breathing heavily as Lee picked up his pace, his fingers fucking your pussy in a way that was neither painful, nor pleasurable. He worked on driving you close to the edge, tormenting you in the slowest way possible.

“Full sentences from now on, sweetheart” Ransom chuckled, gripping your hair into his fist and forcing your head up to look at Lee, “He’s fucking your cunt, what do you say?”

The look in Bodecker’s eyes cut your breath away, as you’ve never in your life felt more humiliated, but you pushed through, “... thank you?”

Ransom pulled on your hair, “Full sentences, you dumb slut”

“Thank you for fucking my pussy” you said barely above a whisper.

Lee grinned wickedly at your words, “Haven’t even started yet, darlin'” he shook his head, lowering himself between your legs. He licked his way up your folds, his tongue brushing against your sensitive clit a few times before he pushed himself up.

��Just messin’ with ya, doll” he mentioned, lowering himself again.

His words confused you as he resumed his position, his lips finding your clit again, sucking profusely. Your hips bucked under him, the pressure of his teeth brushing against your bundle of nerves, starting to be too much for you to bear. When you moaned out loud, eyes squeezed shut and back arched to the extreme, he pushed himself up, and slapped your pussy again.

“You cum on my cock” he grunted, moving further up the bed.

He leaned on his back, Ransom effortlessly guiding you on top of him. With your body like jelly in his strong arms, you settled with a soft huff, knees on either side of Lee’s hips.

He groaned in pleasure, your thigh brushing against his cock, which much to your surprise was already hardening again. Arching your back in search of some pressure for your clit, you felt the bed dip on your side as Ransom climbed in behind you, his hands coming up to grip your hips.

He lifted you up, sinking his fingers into your pussy. You moaned in pleasure, only to have your heart stop when you felt him caress his way higher up.

“Ransom?” you called with a shaky tone, as you tried to look at him over your shoulder, “What are you-”

“What?” he laughed, slapping your ass hard enough to bruise, “Didn’t think I was gonna stay and watch the whole time?”

“No, no-” you mumbled, shaking your head, eyes meeting Lee’s in the process, “But I don’t-”

“Don’t like it? Don’t want it? What were you about to say?” Ransom taunted, spitting on his fingers as if that would help with the pain in any way. This pathetic excuse for lube made the hairs on your body stand up.

“I-”

“I dare you” Ransom threatened, “Tell me ‘no’”. As he waited for your answer, he teased your asshole, his fingers aggressively pushing in to stretch your muscles.

“Please-” you whined, afraid the actual wording would send you down a road you didn’t ever wish to explore.

“Please, what?” he asked, “Please Daddy fuck my ass?”

Tears stung the corners of your eyes, as you felt legitimately lost. Uselessly trying to find a way to delay the inevitable, you felt the tip of Lee’s cock toy between your fold before his warm breath hit your skin as he spoke.

“Fuckin’ get on with it already” he huffed annoyed, “Whatcha listening to her for?”. A sob rushed past your lips, making Lee slap your cheek, “Stop fucking crying, take it up your ass like the good slut your daddy said you were, before I lose my patience”

His words stung, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of Ransom’s cock stretching your ass beyond what you ever thought would ever be pleasurable. You screamed out in pain as tears lingered on your chin before falling against Lee’s chest.

Ransom grunted out, his fingers digging into your hips as he felt himself reach another level of ecstasy after watching you mess around all afternoon. The depth his cock reached knocked the wind out of you, your mouth falling agape with absolutely no sounds coming out.

You settled on suffering in silence, hoping it would all end soon. Realisation painfully hit you when you felt the second cock start to penetrate you. Lee spread your folds with his massive cock, stretching your walls.

“So fucking tight” he shook his head, breathing heavily against your face as he forced himself in, “Never thought a whore like you’d be so tight”

And it was all bearable, a pain you considered yourself able to stand. However that all changed when they started to move, their cocks pumping in and out of your in tandem.

With every thrust another cry escaped your lips, the feeling of absolute no control over the abuse inflicted on your body being something you never thought you’d ever dread to this extent.

“Why did we use lube before?” Ransom laughed, letting go of your hips so that he could spank your ass, hard slaps against already inflamed skin, hate in his touch and anger in his tone.

Whenever he pulled out of you, you felt yourself come undone, but when he rammed himself back in, the air was punched out of your lungs, throat closing up with the torment that was getting too much.

Your continuous string of cries was muffled by Lee slamming his lips against yours, his tongue barging in with no warning. He dominated the kiss, not bothered in the slightest by your whimpers or by the fact that you remained motionless against him. He continued to thrust his hips up into you, his hands holding onto your chest, as if you’d ever dare try and pull away.

Despite how wet and needy you already were before he both entered you, you still cursed yourself when you realised just how close you were to another orgasm. 

With each thrust, you were pushed closer and closer to your limit. You arched your back, falling down against Lee’s chest with a cry, “God- it hurts…”

“You lying whore, think I didn’t feel your pussy clench around my cock?” he taunted, tilting your shin up against your will, “Can feel ya milkin’ my cock”

You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping you could at least avoid seeing what was going on if you couldn’t stop it. With each passing second, every one of their movements became more and more aggravated. Hoping to speed up the process and still chasing a release, you snaked your hand down your body, your fingers instantly finding your clit.

You focused on working specific, intricate circles around your bundle of nerves, as the pain seemed to slowly but surely transform into pleasure. For the first time since you found yourself caged between the two men, you actually smiled, as your eyes started to roll back.

For a while, your orgasm seemed to mock you, inches away but still seemingly so far that you were almost out of breath.

What threw you over the edge however was Ransom changing his position, solely his pleasure infused grunt tickling your ears and playing with your senses in such a way that you were instantly hit with a ravening wave of unbridled bliss, the feeling propagating along your limbs until you were shaking from head to toe, crying out as you came undone, for the second time, in the arms of a stranger.

And if until now you felt like you couldn’t take anymore, as you came down from your high, every feeling, every touch, every jab and spank felt infinitely more dire and extreme, your overly sensitive and freshy exhausted body unable to keep up anymore.

What followed turned out to be all a haze. You lost track of time and had absolutely no idea how much time passed until you were finally free. “It fucking hurts-” you whined again, your ass and pussy sore and aching with each thrust.

“Good,” Ransom said, bottoming out. He pushed himself as deep as he could, cursing out from the feeling your body provided for him.

“Please, stop-” you cried.

“Shut up and take it” he screamed, pulling your hair so hard your head was thrown back, “Stop being a fucking bitch. I don’t wanna fucking hear you”

Choked back moans still echoed around the room as they continued to use your body, but you refrained from making any more comments.

Ransom was the first to finish, shooting his load deep inside your ass, “Better fucking keep it in there” he panted, spent and consumed as he pulled out and fell on his back on the bed.

As he stopped guiding your hips, you fell down against Lee’s chest, making him scoff when the position made it more difficult to keep up. Grunting in your ear from the effort, without pulling his cock out of your pussy, he spun the two of you around, pinning you down into the mattress.

He hovered above you, slamming himself balls deep into your pussy, moaning all sorts of profanities against your cheek.

You held onto his back, hooking your legs around his middle, “Come on” you whispered, “Cum inside me”

“Oh, now you want it, huh?” he chuckled in the crook of your next, shoving himself into you a few more times, until he finally had enough. His movements became irregular and sloppy, his growls lower and more aggressive as he fucked himself into you a few more times. He finished balls deep into your pussy, coating your walls with his hot cum before pulling out, and throwing himself down on the bed, in the same manner as Ransom did mere minutes before.

Although no one spoke for a few seconds, the room was far from silent. Rugged breaths echoed around the room as you shuffled closer to Ransom, ready to curl yourself into a tiny ball into his side, “Hold me” you whined against his shoulder.

He wasn’t quick to react, but Lee on the other side, seemed to have been waiting for the right moment to speak up. “Bring us the glasses-” he sighed, slapping your bare ass, “And a refill, doll”

You gulped and searched for Ransom’s eyes, hoping he’d take your side. He did turn to you with a smile, “Yeah, love-” he nodded, caressing your cheek with the back of his fingers, “I’m parched”

Seeing none of them about to change their minds, you shuffled out of bed. Every muscle ached and your bones seemed close to collapse, but you pushed through, limping your way to the living room and returning with their glasses and the bottle under your arm.

After you placed them down on the nightstand, you turned to them, “I’ll go run a bath” you said, pointing to the door.

“Good, babe” Ransom nodded, motioning for you to lean down and kiss his lips. You obliged, finally feeling warmth against your skin after everything that went down.

“I love you, baby” you whined, rubbing your thumb against his cheek bone.

“Love you too, y/n” he smiled. You turned to leave, but just when you were about to pass the threshold, he called for you again. “Lee’s staying over tonight, so when you’re done with your bath, be a doll and fix up the guest bedroom for him, yeah?”

[spicycreativity]

Soft-Shoe Shuffle - Ch 1

Chapter: 1/12 Rating: T (for language) Content Warnings: Canon-typical Remus content. This chapter only: alcohol use Characters: All Pairings: Moceit, background Prinxiety, background Intrulogical (yes I played a little game of "pair the spares") Additional Tags: Hey it's the fic I published on Anon because I was embarrassed of how utterly pretentious it is!, post-PoF, sickfic, dirty poetry, humor interspersed with philosophy and Janus-typical pontification, this is VERY speculative and will get Jossed in the future lmao Summary: After claiming his place in the Light and coming face-to-face with the consequences of his actions, Janus finds himself unwillingly re-calibrating his moral compass. For selfish reasons, of course. But one apology snowballs into several, and soon he's running around the Mindscape with a low-grade fever and a guilty conscience as he desperately tries to regain some sense of self. Oh, and he's definitely not falling in love with Patton, so don't even bring it up. One Last Note: I wrote this in an ADHD fugue state. It is HEAVILY influenced by Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment, but there are also references to poetry and various other works of literature. I also deliberately used symbols, themes, and motifs. Most of them are pretty in your face except for the recurring ouroboros, which is used as a symbol of rebirth. ...Told you it was pretentious.

When you wake up to the promise of your dream world comin' true With one less friend to call on, was it someone that I knew? Away you will go sailing in a race among the ruins If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon

Janus appeared in the Dark side of the Mindscape, elation swelling in his chest. Even the ringing headache and bitter taste in his mouth couldn't hollow the unfamiliar triumph that warmed him to the core. Caught up in his own thoughts, it took a moment for him to register the sight before him: Remus, upside-down on the couch, his brow furrowed and face an alarming shade of purple.

For a moment, Janus stood stock-still as he tried to get his bearings. He must have been more flustered than he'd realized-- He'd been aiming for his bedroom.

But here he was, staring down at Remus, who was definitely going to burst a blood vessel (or several) if he didn't flip over soon.

"That's not horrifying at all," Janus said, thinking it would be rude to dismiss Remus, especially since he had probably been eavesdropping. He had likely heard everything. Everything. Even the ugly parts.

"Do you remember when Thomas read that post about Nutty Putty Cave?" Remus asked in a strained, strangled voice. "That spelunker who died because he got stuck upside-down?"

"No," Janus said, before realizing his mistake. "Yes." He definitely wanted Remus to remind him of the gory details.

"That's what I thought," Remus said with a wicked grin.

Janus sighed through his nose. Remus, though he thrived on attention, seemed content enough to continue his experiment by himself. On the other hand, if Janus didn't bring up a certain insult he'd levied at Roman, Remus most certainly would, and at a time where it would cause the most upset and turmoil. Better for Janus to deal with it now, even if he would have to fight the tension pulling his muscles taut. He wanted to dance. He wanted to scream.

Hesitation proved to be Janus' downfall, and by the time he'd opened his mouth to broach the subject at hand, Remus had beaten him to the blow. "You're not usually this quiet, Oralboros. Snake got your tongue?"

Janus, again, sighed. Rather than answer, he doffed his hat, set it on the coffee table, and clumsily arranged himself upside-down next to Remus. The change in position immediately made his head throb. He ignored it. "I definitely meant it when I called you 'evil'."

Remus' eyes widened in faux-shock. "You called me evil ?" he shrieked, voice ringing out high and clear. "Me? How dare you. I'm an angel!"

At least Remus was taking it well. "Sarcasm is my thing," Janus said, realizing that he might make it out of this without having to properly apologize.

For some reason, Patton's face flashed into his mind, and a subsequent twinge of guilt made his tongue go sour. Fine. If there was ever a time to start telling uncomfortable truths… "But I am sorry I said that."

"Wow!" Remus laughed. "You must be upset." A red stain began to spill across his left eye. "You don't apologize."

"It’s not like I care about your feelings or anything." Janus would have liked to have drawn himself up to his full height, but it was impossible to do while upside-down. "As much as I'm enjoying watching your blood vessels slowly burst, would you please turn over before you hurt yourself? I've suffered enough psychological trauma for today."

"Oh, fine." Remus kicked his legs and landed neatly on his toes like a gymnast.

Janus, by contrast, got his arms tangled in his capelet and nearly folded himself in half before he found his balance again. "I meant to do that," he said, turning to grab his hat so Remus wouldn't see the blush on his face.

The sudden sensation of blood draining from his head made the room whirl. He steadied himself against Remus' shoulder until it slowed somewhat, but nothing could dampen the horrible ringing in his ears.

"Well," he said, adjusting his shirt. The sudden appearance of his conscience had taken the wind out of his sails more than he cared to admit, and all thoughts of dancing bled out of him along with a good deal of energy. "I'm not going to go scream into my pillows until I tire myself out."

"Being an agent of chaos is hard work," Remus said with a sage nod, "but that doesn't sound very relaxing, Mr Self Care."

"It's a form of meditation, if you think about it," Janus said.

Remus made a face. "You know I don't do that."

"...Meditate?"

"No, think."

"Ah. Well." Janus made only a token attempt to hide his fond smile. "Good night, Remus. Please stay up late and injure yourself."

"Can do, Snakeypoo.”

Janus turned. It was close enough, he might as well walk to his bedroom, especially considering how well his last attempt at appearing in it had gone.

The reason why that had been so difficult became apparent in mere moments. Janus froze in the hall and dropped to his knees at the giddy wave of horror and delight that made him too light-headed to stand.

He knelt in front of the empty stretch of wall where his door had been previously.  Heat flooded his face.

"Jay?" The rounded toes of Remus' boots appeared in his line of sight. Janus zeroed in on them, the mud splatters and stains on the soft leather. "You have an aneurysm or what?"

Janus, unable to speak, motioned for Remus to turn around. He couldn't deal with this right now.

"Ohhh," said Remus. "Well. Good luck with that ." He hauled Janus to his feet. "So you're a boner fide good guy now, huh?"

Janus stared over Remus' shoulder at the empty stretch of wall where his door used to be. "That depends entirely on who you ask."

Remus shrugged and rose up on his toes. "You can scream into my pillows instead, if you want."

"As tempting as that is…" Janus trailed off, his eyes still fixed on the wall. It was tempting, despite the constant chaos in Remus' room. But he'd have to face the Light side sooner or later. It wasn't like he could move his room back, not without psychologically damaging Thomas and undoing all the work he'd done. "I'm really looking forward to getting insulted some more."

"Alright," Remus said with a shrug. "Try not to throw me under the bus this time, alright? Unless it's a real bus…" His gaze became dreamy, unfocused. "And it's doing 50 in a school zone and there's a whole pack of screaming kids in the crosswalk--"

"Goodbye, Remus." Janus turned and left.

--

The barrier between the "dark" and the "light" sides of Thomas' brain had been a joint venture. It would have been there in some form no matter what, but it was Janus and Roman (with Patton's tacit blessing) who had worked to put up something more physical between them.

Janus ducked under the red curtain, trepidation percolating in his stomach, but what he found on the other side was anticlimactic to say the least: It was dead silent on this side of the barrier.

Janus wasn't sure what he'd been expecting. He knew by now that the so-called "Lights" had issues working out their interpersonal issues, and this most recent conflict wasn't the kind of thing you just got over. It did follow that they would all go off to lick their wounds for a time.

Hesitantly, toe-to-heel, Janus crept down the hall. It felt for all the world like he was sneaking around a vast hotel, right down to needlessly ornate design on the plush carpeting. That was probably Roman's doing.

Janus focused, trying to call the Mindscape to work for him. He wanted to go to his room.

The Mindscape listened. Janus turned a corner and found a row of doors stretching down yet another brightly-lit corridor. His eye was immediately drawn, not to the brilliant yellow of his own door, but to the figure huddled in front of it: Patton sat with his arms wrapped around his legs, forehead resting on his knees.

"Looking for someone?" Janus asked, slightly louder than necessary.

Patton jerked his head up. "Oh! Janus!" He plastered an unconvincing smile on his face. "You sure pop star-tled me."

Scaring Patton hadn't brought Janus nearly the level of schadenfreude he'd thought it would. He crossed his arms over his chest, extending a third to help Patton up. "Take your time getting to the point.”

"Oh." Patton accepted Janus' proffered hand and got to his feet. Warmth spilled from him, permeating the fabric of Janus' glove and gently heating his palm. "Well, it's just…" He took a deep breath. "I noticed your door and I thought-- Well, I wanted to make you feel welcome!"

A high-pitched tone resonated in Janus' skull. He bit down on the inside of his cheek to keep from wincing at the mounting pressure-pain-exhaustion in his temples. "Aren't you just a saint ." Patton's face fell. Janus fought the urge to swear aloud. He usually had a better handle on himself, and he knew better than to alienate potential allies. "I mean, thank you, Patton. Truly. I appreciate it." Patton had proven himself useful. Janus should at least cultivate that relationship, even if it meant a little discomfort.

"Have you eaten?" Patton asked. "It's a little late, but I could make something if you wanted." He paused. "Maybe we could play cards or something." Another pause. "O-only if you want to, I mean."

Janus let his face remain impassive even as he internally cringed at the idea of staying awake for even another second. It would be so easy to brush Patton off with a few honeyed words and disappear beyond the barrier of his door. But Patton had stood up for him today, or at least he'd tried to. Janus sighed. Quid pro quo. "That sounds like an utter waste of time."

"Are you… I'm sorry, sometimes I can't tell when you're…"

"Yes, Patton. That sounds lovely."

Patton actually hopped in place, an adorable little jig that absolutely didn't send a confusing little shockwave of fondness through Janus' ribcage. "Really?"

"Really," Janus lied.

He followed Patton down the hall into the living room, which opened into the dining room and the kitchen. Janus studied his surroundings, trying to take in as much as his exhausted faculties would allow. Even in the absence of other Sides, the living room felt warm and welcoming. All the lights were on, and they bathed everything in gentle golden light .

"You're awfully quiet," Patton said.

Janus shook himself. "I was just getting my bearings."

"I guess you've never really been over here, huh?" Pattton opened the refrigerator. Was he actually going to cook , instead of just manifesting something? How quaint. "Do you like grilled cheese?"

It had been a long, confusing day. Doublespeak came to Janus as naturally as breathing, but he was obviously running circles around Patton even when he wasn't trying to. "Yes," he said, hoping to telegraph his sincerity by not emoting at all.

It seemed to work. Patton studied him for a moment before turning back to the fridge. "Then that's what I'll make."

Janus took advantage of this temporary distraction to clamber onto one of the barstools. The slick velvet of his capelet tended to disagree with surfaces like wood and vinyl, and he needed a moment to arrange things so he didn't look as unbalanced as he felt.

He watched Patton work in the kitchen, a detached coolness washing out the scene. Quid pro quo, he reminded himself when he felt his facade begin to slip. He owed Patton this.

He certainly didn't feel the slightest twinge of guilt, that he had been the one to orchestrate this breakdown. Yes, the Light Sides had loaded the gun, but in the end it was Janus who had pulled the trigger.

He shook his head and thought about playing cards, good Bicycle playing cards with holes punched through them like they'd come from a casino. "What should we play?" he asked, pulling the deck from his breast pocket.

Patton looked up from the stovetop, his eyes flicking to the cards in Janus' hand. "Do you know Kings in the Corners?"

"Not personally, no."

Patton laughed, but there was something cold about it. "It's really simple," he said. "I'll show you how to play and you can tell me if you like it."

--

It was nearly impossible to cheat at Kings in the Corners. Janus doubted this had been a calculated measure on Patton's part, doubted he had the capacity for that kind of foresight, but he respected it just the same.

They played in funereal silence, staring each other down across the light wood of the dining room table. Janus, ill-inclined to take off his gloves, utilized a napkin to keep from staining them with melted butter from the grilled cheese Patton had made. Neither one of them smiled. Neither one of them spoke.

Janus pulled a card from the deck to indicate the end of his turn and glanced up at Patton. His face was somber, almost sorrowful, and it clashed against the gentle domesticity of the dining room, with its floral table runner and mismatched placemats.

Janus started to laugh.

"What is it?" Patton asked, cheeks darkening. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

Janus swallowed down another peal of laughter and cleared his throat, unable to wholly restrain the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You look like I’m holding you here at gunpoint." It was somewhat ironic, considering Janus was the one who felt like he couldn't leave.

"What?" Patton smiled, but it was more akin to an offering than an expression of joy.

"It’s not really funny. " Janus wasn’t quite sure how to make Patton understand.

Patton sat back with a sigh, placing his cards facedown on the table. "But I guess it is pretty funny, huh? In a really sad way."

Janus almost asked what was sad about it before realizing that Patton probably missed his friends. Instead he said, "Yes" and stifled a yawn behind his free hand.

"I'll make coffee!" Patton leapt to his feet and was off to the kitchen before Janus could so much as blink.

The newfound solitude made it that much harder for Janus to ignore his headache, which had only worsened in the hour or so he'd been playing cards with Patton. Despite the nonchalant facade he'd tried so hard to project, he'd been holding himself tense.

Maybe the night (or morning, at this point) would be easier to tolerate if he had, say, a bit of gold rum.

The corner of a flask dug into Janus' hip. He smiled.

"Just how late are you planning on staying up?" he asked Patton when the latter returned holding two mismatched mugs.

"Oh, I don't know," Patton said. Lied. He set a mug down in front of Janus and then resumed his seat, the cards forgotten by his elbow. "I'm… A little scared of what tomorrow will be like."

Janus eased the flask out of his pocket. "Rum?"

"Oh, um," Patton said, staring at the flask. "I don't know…"

Janus raised an eyebrow, working something out. He landed on it a millisecond later: Patton wanted to be convinced. Easy enough. Janus opened the flask and poured what he hoped was a shot into his own mug. It was black, he noticed, except for the yellow snake that wrapped around it, its tail firmly in its own mouth. Ouroboros. "Surely you don't intend to make me drink alone?"

As Janus had expected, Patton buckled the second he was pushed. "I guess not."

It was funny, Janus mused as he carefully tipped rum into Patton's coffee, how lying was only off-limits when Janus suggested it. Hilarious.

But now wasn't the time for bitterness, now was the time to repay the debt he owed Patton. "Cheers," he said, pocketing the flask once more.

"Cheers."

Janus sipped his coffee. "You put milk in this," he observed.

Patton's smile was surprisingly sly. "I know you want me to think you take it black. Virgil did too, at first. I know you ‘Dark Sides’ have an image you like to uphold."

"And how does Virgil take his coffee now?" Janus asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"With Snickers-flavored creamer."

"Well, I do take my coffee black," Janus lied.

Patton's smile never faltered. "We'll see, kid-- Uh, Janus."

"Patton," Janus said, before he could start thinking about the implications of Patton wanting to call him 'kiddo,' "you are planning on sleeping tonight, aren't you?"

"Maybe eventually," Patton said, suddenly unable to look Janus in the eye. "At some point."

"Tomorrow will come whether or not you sleep. It's definitely better to pull an all-nighter and feel like garbage instead of facing everything with a clear head."

"I know." Patton leaned forward so he could rest his head on his hand.

For a moment, Janus was tempted to mirror him. Sitting up straight was becoming quite the chore. "I know how the others love a calm, rational discussion."

"Oh, I wish." Patton's expression turned wistful.

Janus stifled a yawn behind his hand. He had half-expected the coffee to counteract the depressant effect of the alcohol, but all he had to show for the combination was a racing heart.

"I'll be fine out here if you want to go to bed," Patton said. Without seeming to realize he was doing it, he brought his hand to his mouth and bit down on his thumbnail.

It was a tempting offer. A day ago, Janus would have taken it. After all, it wasn't like he cared about Patton outside of professional courtesy. They weren't friends. But guilt nagged at him and wouldn't let him entertain the idea of abandoning Patton for longer than a second.

"That's a remarkable impression of a window," Janus said, waiting for Patton to look confused before elaborating, "I can see right through you."

"You got me." Patton smiled sadly. "That's something I've always admired about you, Janus."

Now it was Janus' turn to be confused. "What?"

"You're so… clever."

Janus narrowed his eyes. "Please do keep trying to change the subject."

"It's just… I don't want to have to lie there and, and think about today and everything I did wrong. I hurt Thomas. I hurt my friends." Patton's eyes were shiny behind his glasses; the unshed tears sparkled in the light when he locked eyes with Janus. "Aren't you going to think about the same thing?"

Anger flared, perhaps prematurely, in Janus' chest. "About what you did wrong today?"

"About what you did wrong," Patton said timidly.

"I," Janus said icily, "didn't do anything wrong." He stared Patton down across the table, jaw set, daring him to push back. Let him lecture and nag, let him prove that he hadn't changed no matter what he said.

But Patton only nodded, his face lined with misery. "Okay," he softly. "I think you're right, Janus. We should go to bed."

Janus thought about how much faster he could get to bed if the table was cleared, and all the dishes and cards vanished in a blink.

"Um, Janus?" Patton said.

"Yes?"

"I don't regret everything that happened today."

"Oh?"

Patton only nodded and sank out.

Janus made a beeline for his own room; better to find his way there on foot rather than risk appearing in the wrong spot.

Once inside, he looked around to ensure nothing was amiss, eyes roving over the dark wood of his bookshelves and desk, his mirrored closet doors, the leather armchairs across from his bed.

Everything was exactly as Janus had left it. He nodded, satisfied, set his hat on the nightstand, and sprawled out of top of the covers without bothering to further undress.

One hazy thought crawled to the surface of his mind before he fell asleep: At least he wouldn't be one of the regrets haunting Patton tonight.

[willowistic22]

Van life!newsies headcanons

Hello, i have recently been obsessing and/or pining over living in a van/bus. So i will project my pining to my favorite pretty paper boys like what everyone does in the newsies fandom! Very healthy and smart idk lol so here’s my take on this au for each of my ships!

*i know some ppl might not agree with all these ships but these are just my personal favorites pls don’t come after me for something i like :)*

@jaelynn-is-slightly-confused thanks for deciding which headcanons i should write first :)

A pretty long list so you might have to sit down for this one 

Javid

They converted an old american school bus

I actually have a headcanon that modern!jack comes from a rich family (maybe not the family his parents were born into but his parents worked pretty hard to be successful y’know) so that’s how they were able to buy an old school bus

So they were able to fit in a shower (not one of those foldable kinds) and a built in toilet. A pretty decent kitchen. A stove, oven, microwave, and all the other utilities necessary. Was able to fit both a washing machine and a dryer. Has a proper closet.

To fit davey’s needs, they put in a tiny book shelf. But it’s too tiny to fit in all of davey’s book (he’s got a shelf full) and was forced to give some of them away he cried a little. Jack did the same for his art supplies he cried a lot.

Jack is an illustrator and Davey is a writer. (Davey the hopeless romantic Jacobs mostly writes romance wow what a shocker) If Jack can find the time to paint on a canvas he will. It usually ends up getting sold which he doesn’t mind. 

Jack painted every inch of the bus exterior wow we’re all so shocked no we aren’t I lied :) "Jack why...” “We need to be festive when we travel, Dave!” *face palms*

They have one cat which is still nameless in my head so ://

Newsbians

They live in a school bus 

Kathrine’s a Pulitzer so you know how they can freely afford it (now that i think abt it i think old school busses sell for really cheap prices but idk) 

The shower and closet are a must have for Kathrine. She takes over most of the closet space and takes the longest in the shower. Sarah is a foodie so she built herself a whole kitchen and Kathrine is not allowed to touch anything without her permission. Even fitting in a huge fridge. They also fit in a proper working desk and a couch. Also made some sort of balcony on top of their bus so they can stargaze on top of there 

Kathrine is a reporter and Sarah is a physician in the telemedicine industry (she meets patients through video calls and such, not face to face) 

Morning coffee is a tradition for them at this point. They cannot drive the bus without having one cup of coffee 

They have two cats still nameless too ://

Ikeshot (lmao moving to my rarepairs so quickly. i mean i originally reserved the van life headcanon for them but i got too obsessed and now i’m writing this list hehe) 

They settled with a sprinter van 

it started just as an idea for their honeymoon to do a road trip around the us, but it ended up being longer than a hundred days of honeymoon and it turns into being their first proper room 

Their shower is built in and it can only fit one person. The bed takes up the whole back space. Their closet is kinda small but they don’t mind bcs Ike mostly lives in Hotshot’s clothes anyways. The kitchen is limited but they have a pullout barbeque at the back of their van, under their bed. Hotshot is a master at barbequing. 

Ike is a translator and interpreter. He also uses his hobby in crocheting to build a small business he makes cardigans :) (credit to @violetwolfraven for that little idea) Hotshot is an accountant. Very boring ik but i have a headcanon he’s good with numbers so that’s cool (well idk i feel like he’s good with math and economics) 

Bringing the playstation has always been a priority, so they built in a tv. They like to chill in the bed and play together. Mario kart is a ruthless game  

Occasional weird midnight dancing sessions is a tradition 

they have a cat named Sparks and a dog named Lewis. It’s a dalmatian which made Hotshot tempted to name him Spot :) 

*cut to a vicious argument between Spot and Hotshot which was also egged on by Ike and Race* 

Jomike (ok look i love my rarepairs alright pls let me ship in peace) 

They got a sprinter van 

Their kitchen took up most the space bcs mike and jojo are practically professional chefs. When asked to throw down in the kitchen, they will thRO W   D O W N

They even use a teal palette specifically for their kitchen. They have a one person shower but no built in toilet. a fair amount of plants as decoration. in the back of their van, they have a built in pull out dining table and two benches (built under their bed so they’d have to stop and open the back door to have a proper dinner) 

Jojo is a reporter and mike is a computer programmer. Their job requires a proper desk to work on so they just installed a foldable table in between their seats up front. 

their clothes are just stored in cabinets since they share anyways. it leaves a good amount of wall space to play a projector for netflix *cue the soft cuddling in bed* 

breakfast in bed is the most on brand thing for them to do 

they have a cat named Dixeleta. She’s an outdoor cat so they have fun doing outdoor activities together. Hiking, kayaking, etc. 

Sprace 

They live in an old sprinter van Spot got from an old family member

They have the type of bed that can turn into a living room (seats and table etc). They use a foldable shower bcs they want the space. Their kitchen can be extended out with a latch by their sliding door but that’s only when they need to use a stove and oven. Since they’re the type of people that just throws on the closest clothes they can grab they just use cabinets to store their clothes. 

ok i’ve mentioned it before about sprace but i’ll mention it again. They have three cats named Racecat, Spot Clawlon, and Romeow :D all named by race if you’re wondering. 

So Race is a social media manager and Spot is a physician in the telemedicine industry. 

They’re very lazy to constantly look for a coin laundry service. They make a schedule to do the laundry once a week but sometimes they just forget. 

Their first drive of the day will always include karaoke. They can’t tell whether their cats love or hate their singing voice most likely the latter but they’re in denial.

They cuddle each other in bed with their cats. While watching tv, to sleep, or just chilling together. 

Redfinch 

They got a mini bus

They have a built in shower, bathroom, and closet (not sure why since they don’t really care about their clothes all that much) They have a proper kitchen, fit a washing machine and dryer, plus a little seating area with a small table 

They have two big doberman named Zara and Zoey and a cat named Marbles. Pretty outdoor pets so they frequently take them out for hikes and such 

They have a ‘balcony’ on top of their mini bus to chill together. As in all five of them :)

Finch is a music producer and Albert is a photographer and videographer. Albert mostly works with tourist as their personal photographer, but he has land gigs with big companies/people. Finch works with a label that has given him to opportunity to work at home but sometime still need to stop by a studio to meet with artists or other producers. 

Finch only needs space to store his laptop, notebooks, and guitar (but he ends up hanging it on the wall anyways). Albert takes up a whole cabinet for all of his equipment. 

Not Finch waking up at an ungodly hour when a spark of inspiration comes to him, which ends up waking everyone in the bus. *cut to Albert furiously dragging him back to bed*

They installed a tv near their bed for playstation sessions or cuddling throughout a movie

Their driving karaoke is usually accompanied by their dogs which only tortures Marbles. She hides under the blanket to save her ears. smart cat hehe

Snipesmalls (Never wrote anything for them but I do love these girls :)) 

They converted a mini bus 

Sniper takes up most of the closet space, but it doesn’t matter because they share clothes anyways. A built in toilet and shower. Their kitchen has a navy blue theme to it. It was Smalls’ idea. They have a washing machine and dryer and also a proper dining table.

Sniper is a nurse in the telehealth industry (basically just like telemedicine but deals with more than just clinical services) and Smalls is a medical transcriptionist. 

They have an Australian Shepherd named Blue. It’s because of her blue eyes it’s so beautiful :O Blue likes to stick his head out while driving. 

They have a built in tv for their playstation and movies but sometimes they bring out the projector to watch while chilling outside. 

They have done the most traveling. Hopping from the US to Europe and Asia. 

They may like to share clothes but Sniper really likes to be fashionable wherever she goes. “Ok so since we’re planning to go hiking tomorrow, which hat should I use?” “Sniper, we’re hiking up a mountain, not a vogue fashion runway” “And so what if I pretend we are? Use your imagination babe! Now which one?” *sighing*

It is a nightmare to convince Sniper to give away some of their clothes She cries every time her clothes are being given away but gets happy when they go shopping for new ones and it’s the same cycle every time this happens  

They also like to go to music festivals and have picnics together 

Blush 

They live in a mini bus

They rarely buy clothes or give them away plus they share clothes so the closet is pretty small but hella messy because they’re lazy at folding their clothes away. A simple built in shower and also a foldable toilet. The kitchen is pretty equipped because Mush is a master chef. They have a little seating area with a table. Alternating as a working desk and dining table

Mush is a dietitian and Blink is a therapist, both in the telemedicine industry. 

Neither is allowed to drive if they haven’t gotten their morning coffee 

Mush is mostly then one doing the karaoke while Blink drives 

they like to have picnics together

goes to random concerts. it doesn’t need to be a really big artist. they’d simply be happy if they get tickets to any sort of concert. They prefer to see local underground artists to discover more music and such but they sometimes save up to watch big artists too. 

they’ve only been around the us and canada but are planning on going to other countries too 

Belmerttons 

they live in an old school bus 

So buttons is a huge fashionista so there is a proper closet and drawers that are mostly used by himself. A built in bathroom and the door has a mirror per buttons request. they also fit a washing machien and dryer in the bus per buttons request too. Their bed is full of decorative pillows and a few stuffed animals per elmer’s request. Their kitchen is small but does the trick. also has a little seating area with a table 

Buttons is a fashion stylist but also a designer. Elmer is a math tutor for all ages

they love going to different kind of events and festivals. one of the reasons why they wanted to live on the road in the first place 

to get buttons to give away his old clothes, elmer has to assure him it’s for a good cause bcs buttons loves all his clothes. Buttons still get a little sad and pouty when those days come but picks himself up again when elmer offers a disney movie night on the projector with some snacks

oh yes, they bring lots of snacks on the road 

They have a cat. still nameless soz 

the cat is very fluffy and sheds a lot. which is kind of a problem especially on buttons clothes 

“you’re lucky you have a cute face” -buttons while he’s cleaning the fur off his clothes 

Spromeo 

they live in a mini bus but kinda looks like a hippie van (idk how to describe it but it’s a mini bus with a hippie kind of style to it yknow) 

they have two separate areas in the bus. one up front where the driver and passenger seat is. also coupled with a tiny sofa and a table. that’s where they do their work and dine. very comfy and cozy. 

it’s seperated by a thin wooden wall. through the doorway is where the rest of their living quarters are. a bed, small kitchen but fully equipped, a shower, and foldable toilet. instead of a closet, they use a dresser since they don’t really have many clothes anyways 

so specs is a history teacher and tutor for all ages. (he’s a history nerd hehe). Romeo is a photographer and cinematographer. mostly a tourist photographer (kinda like albert yknow) 

specs likes reading history books, but he mostly does his reading on his tablet and laptop to save space. the same for romeo and comics btw 

their bed is full of pillows 

they have a cat named snowy. a lazy indoor cat. but she loves to cuddle with them in bed

they’ve also done some traveling to other countries. mostly neighboring countries but are dreaming of going to places in europe and asia. 

they enjoy doing lots of board games when they’re not driving 

romeo has a ukulele which he constantly uses to serenade to specs. sometimes to snowy but mostly specs 

woah that was long akjghflkjasfbj; h. will i write a oneshot with this headcanon? maybe but who knows. just needed to put it out there that i’m pining on living on the road with the loml and some cats and go on an adventure together. anyways hope whoever reads this enjoy and sorry for writing a long headcanon list hehe 

[dialoguelostloop]

remember when my hand slipped and i accidentally a bunch of hollow knight gijinkas? the hand... did not stop from keep slipping, suffice to say lol. i think i’m done now though.

part one (ghost, hornet, the dreamers, and quirrel) can be found here. notes on these folks will be under a readmore!

please read my faq page! (tl;dr version: dont use my art for icons/graphics/whatever without getting my permission beforehand, please use neutral pronouns for hollow and any other vessels in any tags/commentary, dont tag as kin/me/whatever pls)

HOLLOW - as i mentioned under ghost’s gijinka description, i think proximity to void & pale being energy is what causes vessel growth. when tpk figured this out he, like, supercharged hollow with both so that they’d be fully grown as quickly as possible. this is how they wound up 6′7″ at all of 12, which just gave them fragile joints and height dysphoria as severe as ghost’s. they went into the black egg with the same bob haircut and it grew out badly while they were in there. they’re not totally blind in their right eye, but their vision in it’s pretty bad and they’ve lost some red/green definition too. their prosthetic arm works through soul so they can take it off whenever they want, which is good, because it’s not very comfortable.

GRIMM (and grimmchild) - from what i’ve seen most grimm gijinkas lean into the circus master/dracula side, so i went for the clown/catboy angle instead lol. yes that’s greasepaint. i was going for “almost sexy, but unfortunately still a weird clown” but am informed by friends that i overshot and he wound up hot anyway. as for grimmchild, i really just wanted them to be a kid in a kigurumi for each in-game charm level lol. they start out looking 3 but grow a year with each ritual stage completed, so lv4 grimmchild is 6. whether grimm is cis or trans/perisex or intersex depends on what the previous grimmchild was, so he’s used to his anatomy changing with each reincarnation. he never dresses any differently either.

WHITE LADY - your weird alien mom who’s the face of Horny On Main... this is her precanon outfit, her midcanon one is gray and more covering lol. aside from the crown there’s just a lot of white palace foliage in her hair in general. her hair should always be drawn trailing off the edges of the canvas, like ultimate madoka.

RADIANCE - before anyone asks, tpk is obviously what happened to her legs. her prostheses are even more Cool But Uncomfortable than hollow’s (she literally has to float, you cannot walk on those toothpick feet) so her chair is very necessary for when she gets tired. yes the dreamshields on the big wheels actually function magically; its cushions are the same sort of cushion in seer’s room. her clothing patterns come from dream realm spirographs, from the normal and absolute versions of her canon halo, and the architecture found at the crater’s crown. also her hair just Does That naturally. her tears being the same color as her eyes/the infection is a little on the nose but it bears emphasis, so lmao

LACE - i wasn’t gonna do any silksong characters but... She... i poured as much Adorable Bastard Energy into her design as i could!!! i was really torn whether to adapt her canon design’s hat into a pink diamond hair type white afro or just a hat over cornrows or s/t. i went with Fluffy, but if we ever see lace without her hat in canon i guess i’ll retroactively make her fro into a wig so i can have both worlds

SEER - everyone knows i cannot turn down the option to give a character sky-patterned clothing, so seer’s cloak is the sky of the moths’ dream. the gold spirographs on her arms and face are religious body paint that only dream masters/dream nail teachers are allowed to wear; the wisteria pattern on her face (obv taken from the charms in her room/in the dream realm) is scarification.

MARMU - did you know that on real puss moth caterpillars the brown thing in the middle of their faces is their actual face, and what looks like a face and mouth around it is just camouflage to scare predators away? so obviously i had to put marmu in a big cloak that looks like her canon design as a recursive joke. she’s a lighter brown than the other moth characters because i have way more marmu sadstuck headcanons than anyone ever wanted, including me.

UNN - just wants to go back to sleep. she’s the tallest of the higher beings, probably pushing 8 feet. aside from her size her canon design is pretty unassuming so i just gave her Clothes Comfortable To Sleep In. the clasp on her cardigan is the shape of unn charm ofc.

BRETTA - i have found the new home of 90s antenna ahoge. it is a design choice made for bug gijinkas.

CLOTH - i could only picture her as a more subdued, brown-eyed/slightly lighter-skinned gideon nav. my apologies to taz.

MYLA - lost that front tooth in her line of work. mining is very dangerous. her hairstyle and freckles are just because i think both are cute lol

[mangleschmidt]

DRV3 Boys playing TF2 Headcanons

(First made long before the F2P mute and bot crisis but I added the bot crisis)

Me and my bro made up many scenarios AND cosmetics for the class (my brother mostly help me with the idea)

I originally have the terminologies explained like market gardening, friendly and such but cut it because it’s getting too long. If you want the terminologies, you can tell me. Btw, I’m not an imagines blog, just doing this one for fun.

Kaito Momota

Main: Soldier

Thrilled to play this game, saying that's very manly and it's one of the coolest games yet

He, along with Kaede (and to an extend, Chiaki), are the ones who introduced the game to the class

Was a scout main at first and likes the scout unironically

A terrible tryhard warpig soldier

Saw a rocket jumping soldier at a High-tower map and wanted to imitate that, almost like he's blasting to space

Watch this guy try to market garden someone and then get fucking rekt by a Medic of all classes

He just dies, a lot, which is frustrating and his team gets mad at him

Kaito gets better at it fortunately, but it's a painfully slow process

You'll be lucky if he decides to go back to Scout in a round lmao

Rages in chat or voice but is the best cheerleader you can have in your team, he never actually shits on you for being shit on the game

There's that one time where Kaito got the Rocket Jumper from a drop, fired it at an enemy, got angry how it didn't worked, realized it doesn't do damage and embarrassed himself

Gets a bit pissy when no one is doing the objective so he avoids the maps Hightower and 2fort most of the time

Capture the flag and payload races mostly pisses him off for the same reason (tho he would go to Hightower for the sick rocket jumps)

So he doesn't like friendlies (but he may or may not, you know, do the conga, rock paper scissors, mannrobics, kazotsky kick-)

Anything that looks cool and manly cosmetics, but mostly you'll see him decked with space cosmetics

Bonus: Avoids Full Moon and Scream Fortress, is obviously afraid but he gives Alien Invasion a shot when it comes up, loves it. Also like Doomsday

Rantaro Amami

Main: Engineer

Everyone seems to be like it so why not give it a shot?

He got invested and also found the trading system

Rantaro usually plays engineer but is willing to change classes if the team needs a class

Is at least good at every other class

Rarely does turtling or battle engie but enjoys doing it with the other engies for laughs, and is very good at battle engie

Some people confused him with Uncle Dane

Hc that Rantaro looks up to Uncle Dane

Imagine Rantaro and Uncle Dane having a collab, that would be sick as fuck

Casual and competitive but more casual, often plays in community servers

That type of person who voice chats

Rantaro is one of the ones who would help his classmates play, along with Kaito. Imagine him like in a server with Kaito and Gonta, helping Gonta how to play and Avocado and Space boy act as a translator while Bug boy plays cutely

Doesn't mind friendlies, he chills with them a lot and he is easily well liked by the community

Some even suggested him to make a tf2 youtube channel

Has an unusual hat, making him look like a pro, has a lot of medic girlfriends because of this

One of the two reasons why the whole class have a wide array of cosmetics

Gonta Gokuhara

Main: Medic

At first he doesn't like how violent the game is

But since this violence is just for fun and in game and no one is actually getting hurt and dead so he's at least convinced

Still wants to play passively so Gonta goes with Medic, healing and helping his team seems to be a fitting choice!

The game is not too complex so he learns easily... i-in a way

Best boy learns fast, he should be fine

He's definitely that type of Medic who would go to someone when they press the E key and whoever is near him

Doesn't know where to look most of the time, gets lost easily to big maps like the control points

Gonta still has a firm grasp on what to do, like if he noticed that someone is in low health, he'll heal them immediately without needing the 'e', build up uber, spy check the patient, and never heal spies when they're disguised

Can't aim for shit, though he supposedly gets better at it with the crusader's crossbow

He sometimes would accidentally forget to pop when it's necessary and then die

"Danke!" Says that a lot

He doesn't play a lot despite having fun, he's an outdoor type of guy

Absolutely LOVES friendlies and just loves it when someone just stops, does the conga taunt and everyone follows, creating a conga line (until someone kills them all but it's all in good fun!) He loves silly servers

Is honestly surprised that there’s even such thing as silly servers and friendlies, thought it’s all blood and gore (he sometimes switch to pyro vision googles to avoid gore)

Sometimes plays as Heavy for the protecting part and the friendly Hoovy part for this reason

Anything fancy for the cosmetics, especially for hats the Gentleman's Gabsy or the Vintage Tyrolean (a good cosmetic for a good gentleman!)

Has a lot of cosmetics like Rantaro and trades them with the class

Bonus: Isn't fond of Banana Bay and the Second Banana... because banana

Kokichi Ouma

Main: None (most played: Scout)

Bold of you to assumed he never played this game before

... or is it a lie?

Needless to say he likes it for the cartoony and chaotic vibe of the game

Switches between the 9 classes, even if there's 5 spies he'll be the 6th one

He'd be that Medic who would leave the others to die, Scout that steals sandwiches from Heavy that's meant for the dying Medic and so forth

He might as well pretend to be a sniper bot

Chaos incarnate

This is the fucker who spams E and X+5 (Place the dispenser)

Also taunts in every kill

When he's on a losing team, he would try to bind kill right before the time is up or taunt kill in humiliation, sometimes works

Actually really good at the game, he's one of the very few people who picked up very quickly

Though he fooled Gonta once as a disguised enemy spy. He got rekt when they both noticed the achievement

Also dominated someone so badly that they immediately rage quit, another achievement

Another "you'll be lucky if he plays seriously" which is rare

Is definitely on a 30+ killstreak

People would sometimes thought he’s a squeaker (a kid who rages in voice chat) so he just fucks around with them and then just pulls a no u card

Neutral opinion on friendlies though he gets bored when no one is doing the objective or any action happening so he burns them all and watches them get mad in the chat

Obnoxious combos of cosmetics that you can easily recognize that purple neon Scunt from afar even if he's under an alias

Korekiyo Shinguuji

Main: Spy/Sniper

Not interested at first but is interested when others play and hovers over their shoulders to watch

While watching Gonta and Kiibo playing with the friendlies, he got interested

You don't see that in a lot of fps games

Korekiyo looks like an edgy sniper/spy main who just watches the chaos enveloping from the distance and getting headshots/backstabs out of nowhere

He's very calm and collective despite the crazy amount of chaos and all the deafening sounds of the vc

It's amusing to him, he even find the Administrator interesting and would sometimes go into many modes to hear her voice tone changes and a lot of behaviors of many players too

He even noticed the voice lines of the mercs and got invested in the lore of Team Fortress 2

Korekiyo still does his job in the game but can sometimes be interpreted as him in afk, almost got him kicked

Though he does get kicked for the being good at sniper, people getting butt hurt and called him a hacker

Also an amazing spy checker

Is interested about friendlies, he would come up to them close and observe them and he plays along with the taunts

He got really interested to see this "culture", like how most of the players collectively decides to play silly, serious or both, resulting him trying out almost every game mode and map there is

Unironically loves 2fort, Hightower, Suijin and Degroot Keep

Often joins community servers and silly servers but will do casual/pub servers whenever he feels like it

Something that resembles him irl, he looks edgy with the mask tbh

Other than that, his cosmetics changes depending on what mood or observation he wants to do

Ryoma Hoshi

Main: None (most played: Demoman)

Convinced by Kaito into playing

Not that much actually

Mediocre at best, he’s just doing his own thing

Definitely would stick around even if there’s one person in the server

Imagine getting killed by a Medic as a Demoknight in a melee fight with a shit weapon Do No Harm, couldn’t be me... or Ryoma

Likely plays Passtime

He will never admit it but he finds the ragdolls in the game funny

Also unironically likes the Scout

Demoknight tf2

God, imagine Ryoma has demonknight speed, combine it with his own speed and Solarlight skills, he’d be infinitely flying across all maps and go beyond the skybox

Ryoma too strong pls nerf

Doesn't play it often, not really his thing

Doesn’t mind friendlies, honestly surprised that there’s even such thing as one

Doesn't customize himself, though he likes the animal cosmetics

I apologize to the Ryoma fans out there for this being short

Shuichi Saihara

Main: None (most played: Spy)

Also doesn't see the appeal, but convinced by Kaito into playing

When he played the game for the first time, every time he dies, he switch to a class just to test them out

It’s too much for him, please hold him

Probably fell off a cliff several times-

Imagine the sheer amount of panic he feels when playing any class, especially Medic since Medic is a death magnet

Rockets, explosives, bullets, fire, blood and ragdolls everywhere! ... oh hey why is that guy just crouching with a melee?

He gets the hang of it over time

One of the best spy checker there is as well, not only as Pyro, though he feels sorry for the new spies (or newbies in general) so he tries to teach them the best way he can

The server kicked him for using hacks to find spies but for him, it’s obvious???

He usually plays the class whatever the team needs at the moment

Hard reads are strong in this one

Sushi likes the friendlies, chills with them a lot :>

Doesn’t customized himself, Kaito’s the one who helped him with it

K1-B0

Main: None (most played: Heavy)

Tries it out

It's ok I guess

He also doesn't have a main because he'll try to accommodate in which class is needed

If the whole team is like a full house of cards (in a 4 snipers, 5 engies type of way, you get the idea), he'll mostly go for the Medic since he knows it's vital for a team to have a Medic

There's rarely any Medics or Heavies in the start of the round, are they an endangered species??

He might start an event or something dedicating to the two classes

It never goes well despite Keebo's efforts in those, let's be honest

Though sometimes the team has like three Medics, the poor boy is confused

He's actually doing alright with all the class

The bot problem, oh god the bot problem

So there's that one time where the Myg0t bot joined, the enemy team said in the chat about kicking the bot

Well... obviously this made Keebo upset, as he thought they were referring to him

The server thought Keebo was trolling when he said something about him being a robot and saying that they're being robophobic... and sending them to court-

By some kind of miracle, the server liked Keebo because of this so he wasn't kicked out but he's incredibly salty throughout the match

"The server is robophobic" "Keebo, they were referring to the aimbots, they weren't robophobic" "... What Aimbots?"

His classmates were able to explain with videos and experiences, and also told him about several other types of bots that ruins the fun, which made Keebo embarrassed for having the wrong assumption

Though he still gets offended whenever it happens-

Like Kaito, he also doesn't like friendlies, insisting that that it's not how really play the game, though is guilty in pre-game conga lines, mannrobics and kazotski taunts, he likes the mannrobics

Bonus: Does NOT like the bot deco and is conflicted with the Mann vs Machine game mode

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #433

“i really wish that you could help, but my head is like a carousel: i’m going ‘round in circles”

Would you rather visit Rome or Spain? Rome. Do you really care what’s going on in celebrities' lives? Depends on the person. If I have a big interest in them, like Mark, then yes, because I care about that person and want to know they're well. Have you ever broke a plate/bowl? Accidentally. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? I don't think so. Can you do a backwards London bridges? Hell no, I'd bust my ass and spine. Are any of your pets “overweight”? Why the quotations? But anyway, no. Has anyone ever bought you a ring? Yeah. What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? The breakup with my first real bf. And well yeah, it resulted in PTSD. It sounds so overdramatic, I know, but I'm not even remotely exaggerating. Live a day in my head and tell me it's not actual trauma. If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? God no, not right now. I am not in a position to be married right now. Think back to your most important relationship, was it all your fault it’s over? My damaged side wants to say yes, but I know to be realistic, we both failed in unique areas. He didn't communicate, and I just put too much weight on him. What was your first alcoholic drink? A Mike's Hard Lemonade. What were the first lessons you ever took? Ummm I want to say choir? Did you ever go to a mental hospital? Multiple times. Do you believe that weed should be legalized? Yes. Have you ever had a significant other with a mental disorder? Yes. If you could transform into something, what would that something be? Uhhh idk. Maybe a cat? Out of 10, (10 being really shy) how shy are you? Oh, easily a 10. When was the first moment you discovered love? I actually don't really know the moment I realized I was in love w/ Jason. It was a gradual thing, so no one occasion stands out. What’s the best mistake you’ve ever made? Well, I suppose accepting Jason's Facebook friend request because I thought he was a different Jason. I can't think of many good mistakes I've made... Even the one I mentioned, it's debatable how good that one was. I really do wonder how different my life would be if I declined it. What do you think of frogs? I love frogs! They're so cute and derpy. :') Who did you last worry about and why? My cat, because he was apparently hiding somewhere and Mom couldn't find him. Who did you last feel sorry for and why? Sara, because of health stuff she's dealing with. Is there a name that you can’t stand but it’s the name of a loved one? It sucks, I feel like this burning in my stomach a lot of the time when I hear "Ashley" because that was Jason's girlfriend after me. But I have a sister with the same name. Are you currently looking for a new place to live? I'm not, and I don't think Mom actively is, though we both want to move. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? I don't think I ever have. Well... maybe once? idr Do you believe there’s a devil? No. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Have you ever been on an island? Yes, actually. Did you watch the last presidential inauguration? I've never watched one. Have you ever been a fan of The Killers? I don't consider myself a true "fan," no. I only like two songs that I know. Do you have your own lighter (why or why not)? No, because I don't need one? Do you believe in miracles (why or why not)? No. I just don't. Everything has the have a cause and reason. How often do you sleep naked? Never. Are you looking forward to your prom? If you already went, how was it? I went twice, and it was fun. I especially loved having the pictures taken that I regret wiping from the face of the earth. Prom itself was pretty bland each time, like you can't hear shit and they just play awful music, but still. I was a teenager with a very fairytale outlook on love and wanted to just feel like I was in one I guess. Do you prefer Quizno's or Subway and why? I don't think I've ever tried Quizno's, actually. What’s one of your best memories from during a rain storm? I don't know. Why did you need your most recent x-ray and what were the results? It was to see if I broke my foot, I think? If that's the one, then no. I also had my legs x-rayed at some point to see if they could find any damage there because of my extreme weakness in them, but there wasn't. Do people more often mistake you as being younger or older than you are? I actually don't know. Have you ever made out with someone you weren’t dating? No. Do you know anybody who was abused? Yes. Have you ever touched an elephant? No. How many siblings do you have? I have five I "count," but I do have another half-sister on my dad's side that I don't know. I want to, but yeah... it just hasn't happened. Do you get bored of your girlfriend/boyfriend easily? I've never gotten bored of any s/o I've had. Who do you want for president? I voted for Biden. Do you think abortions are horrible? No. Forcing someone to undergo what can easily be considered a traumatic experience is horrible. Do you enjoy drama? Ugh, no. Have you ever had a guinea pig for a pet? I've had a few. Were you/are you popular in school? No. I was very much under the radar and mostly stuck to myself and a small group of friends. What brand clothing do you wear the most? No clue. Have you ever studied any new age or occult religions such as Wicca? Yes, actually, when I was leaning towards Neo-Paganism. I did research into some of its branches, such as Wicca. Are you a wrestling fan? Not at all. I honestly think it's dumb. What’s the longest movie you’ve ever watched? I want to say Troy? It never felt THAT long to me though because I love it. Have you ever been on a subway? No. Do you think spending a ridiculously large amount of money on one designer item is stupid? It sure as hell isn't for me; I lean towards people can spend their hard-earned money on whatever they want, BUT I do feel that they could still spend their money on more important things. Do you find baths relaxing? No, they gross me out. Do you have any hats? I probably still have the hat Dad got me at a Carolina Hurricanes hockey game somewhere, but idk where. Has any part of your house ever been flooded? Not on the interior, no. Have you ever been interested in learning about murderers or murder cases? Not especially. Is there anyone that you’re worried about right now? Who and why? I'm just about praying Sara's new med for her POTS helps. I think me worrying how Jason is doing after his mother's death is gonna be a permanent fixture in the back of my head... If you won a lot of money, would you donate any of it? To what organization would you donate it? Oh, absolutely. I'd have to do some research first, but the Trevor Project comes to mind immediately, as well as ones that protect wildlife, help the mentally ill, fight cancer... Are you a competitive person? What are you most competitive about? Not really, no. I have my areas where I'm more likely to feel it than others, but it's generally mild. I'm not too sure what I'm most competitive about, but maybe outdoing other hunters in WoW since that's my main class that I've played religiously for years. Have you ever adopted a stray animal? Yes. What do you appreciate most about your parent(s)? The fact they somehow still support me even though I'm like... this. I feel like I should've exhausted their faith by now. Do you believe America should legalize drugs? If you think they should legalize only some drugs, which drugs do you think they should legalize? I only support the legalization of weed. What is your biggest turn-off of a person (besides physically)? Arrogance, probably. Or being aggressive/explosive. What song cover do you like better than the original? "Sound of Silence" by Disturbed, for one. That one's easy. If you could find one long-lost friend of the past, who would it be? Megan. I want her to know I forgive her and miss her friendship. What holiday do you enjoy the most? Christmas. (: Were you born in the state you live in? Yep. Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into? No, but almost. Who do you know that watches the most sports? Probably my dad? Idk. Do you like South Park? Not really. Are you good at bowling? No. Made out for more than 3 minutes? Three minutes is nothin' lmao. Have you ever gone snorkeling or scuba diving? If yes, what’s the coolest thing you’ve seen? No, but I'd love to. What’s your favorite filling in chocolates? Caramel. What do you remember from sex ed class when you were younger? Abstinence was the only option. Heteronormativity. What’s the first instrument you ever played? Ha, a recorder back in elementary school. Have you ever had a friend break up with a bf/gf for you? Essentially. We didn't date, but that's why he broke up with her, because he wanted me instead. Do you see a bright light at the end of your tunnel? I don't like thinking about this. I can only hope there is, but I doubt it a lot. Have you ever waited in line overnight for something? No. Is there such a thing as being too rich or too poor? "Too poor" is very obviously a thing??? "Too rich" is more complicated to me, as I can see both sides to it. Like it's your hard-earned money, but at the same time, is it really necessary at a certain point? Like start donating regularly or something. Do something good. Do you think having an expensive phone is a good investment? Depends on how expensive, I suppose, and what you use it for. What’s your largest bill? Electric, gas, phone, etc. I don't have any of my own bills. It's embarrassing by this age. Do you like your job? I'd like to even have a job... What is your favorite song and why? "False Flags" by Massive Attack, because it's so poetically haunting in its message of how fucked up politics are. Its monotonous tone also adds another layer of sadness to it, like a reminder of how "normal" and bland and unsurprising everything is, no matter how horrible... I could honestly probably write an essay on how I interpret the song, especially if you add in the incredible symbolism of such a simplistic music video. Are you introverted or extroverted? I am very introverted. If you’re married and your spouse cheated on you, would you forgive them? Nope, byeeeee~ Who knows the real you the most? Sara, really. How old is the oldest person you’ve had sexual relations with? He'd be 27 now. Have you been upset the past few days? My PTSD has been kinda vicious the past couple days, especially today. Then earlier at my nephew's b-day party I had to nearly bite my fucking tongue off with that family's political bullshit. My anger really flared up a few times hearing despicable shit, but I think I concealed it fine by just not saying a word. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever thought of doing for a job? Nothing "crazy," really... Who was your first celebrity crush? Jesse McCartney had my young heart, ha ha. When did you last see or speak to someone you dislike? Why do you dislike this person? Today, at my nephew's aforementioned b-day party. I in specific don't like my sister's husband because he's sexist, racist, homophobic, bigoted... I could go on and on. We don't just have "different opinions," we have different morals entirely. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. I don't sing a lot. Can you remember the last time you felt emotional? What was the reason? Today. PTSD is a bitch. What if you were told that your life has to stay exactly as it is right now, and nothing will ever change? How would you feel about that? Quite honestly, I don't think I would want to live anymore. Have you ever been to the hospital for something really serious? I'd consider an OD on cold medicine to be serious, but then again, I experienced almost no effects from it. Idk if I just got fluids fast enough or what, but whatever it was, I'm thankful for. Are you excited for winter? UGGGHHHH BRING IT ONNNNNNN. Have you ever had a moment with someone you like that seemed like a movie moment? Many. What are you listening to right now? "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson. What’s your favourite flavour of iced tea? Tea is gross. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. Have you ever visited a sex shop? I haven't. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? NOOOOOOOO. I could never do that. What’s your favourite place to get pizza? Literally Domino's, lmao. I am so basic. Do you have a lock number or pattern for your phone? No. There sure isn't anything important on it. What’s the most number of people you’ve ever lived with? Five.

[sufferingsoup]

More Pirate AU writing, but feat. ANGST this time around BOIS. She still very soft and kinda sappy tho ngl lol. I can’t help myself. Anyway, hi, it’s me, still obsessed with this AU. Hope you enjoy this! Also it’s unedited bc I’m lazy and barely want to post it as is lmao, so sorry about any mistakes! Check out more of this beautiful awesome amazing fantastic showstopping terrific gorgeous CRISP au @thenerdyalchemist

—————————————————

The Truth

—————————————————

So many months.

It had been so many months since they had stopped sending their letters. So many months of desperate searching anywhere and everywhere. So many months of confusion and anger and sadness. And yet, not a single trace of Tiadrin or Lain had been found.

Runaan had started shutting down a couple months ago. Ethari tried his best to keep him hopeful, he couldn’t bear to see him in such a pitiful state, but the search was seeming increasingly useless every added day that nothing turned up. It truly seemed as though they had simply dropped off the face of the planet, gone for good. But that was hard. Tiadrin and Lain were nothing short of family to them, especially Runaan. They had been inseparable growing up, even through the loss of their adoptive father and Runaan’s sudden succession to the pirate throne. Tiadrin and Lain had stuck by him through everything, and Runaan had stuck by them in return. And that love extended to Ethari as well.

Ethari could still remember the short-lived terror, followed by the massive wave of relief and happiness when Tiadrin dumped the bucket of water on him, revealing his deepest, darkest secret to them. They had been confused and a bit shocked at first, no doubt, but it didn’t take either of them long to start cracking jokes and messing about like normal. Their opinions of Ethari hadn’t changed at all, and they had accepted him fully for what he was.

He could still feel Lain’s comforting touch and hear his relaxing jokes and stories as he gave Ethari all of his necessary tattoos in one sitting. It was a rough day, but they had to get them all done in time for the wedding, and Ethari could think of no better person to give him these markings but Lain. He had a steady hand, a good eye for design, and an overwhelming amount of excitement for his best friends and their big day. He made sure Ethari wasn’t in more pain than was absolutely necessary, and did his best to keep his spirits up and nerves down in light of all the big life changes coming his way.

He could still hear the joyous sobbing as little Rayla was introduced to the world for the first time. Runaan had been clutching Tiadrin’s hand and aggressively encouraging her, just what she needed, and Ethari had been holding a trembling, anxiety-ridden Lain on the other side of the bed, trying to keep him as calm as possible. Lain, Tiadrin, and Ethari all broke down crying the second they saw her. Even Runaan’s eyes glistened with tears he stubbornly fought back, but he too broke down the second Tiadrin gently shoved the baby into his arms. All four of them welcomed a beautiful daughter into their hearts that day, and they all felt closer with each other than ever before.

But they were gone now.

Their big, happy family was torn apart, and nobody had any idea how it happened.

Runaan was taking it particularly hard. They had been siblings to him, and now he was left with their daughter and no explanation for her as to their disappearance. He was shutting himself out from everyone, even Ethari, in a desperate attempt to maintain some kind of control. He would be up all hours of the night, searching through his maps and notes and books in hopes of finding even the tiniest clue. He was exhausted and sad and angry and terrified all at once, but he would not allow Ethari - much less anyone else - to help him. He would snap at the crew over the tiniest of annoyances, and gods forbid any townsfolk get in his way when they were docked; if Runaan hadn’t been intimidating before, he was absolutely terrifying now. He would make mistakes and drops things when he was especially upset, which only made him all the more angry. He had given up taking care of himself almost entirely. His hair was always a frazzled mess, he would forget to eat until Ethari all but forced him to, and the bags under his eyes seemed to be carrying the weight of the world within them.

Ethari sighed heavily, clutching the tiny baby in his arms protectively as he swung lightly in his and Runaan’s hammock. Runaan was holding a meeting of sorts, calling all the pirate captains he could to see if anyone had found anything, and to try to come up with a new plan. Ethari scrunched his eyes shut tightly for a moment, shaking his head before staring back up at the ceiling.

/It’s useless, they aren’t gonna have anything new.../

His heart ached. Of course he wanted to find them, or at least an explanation, but it had been a year. If nothing had turned up before, it was extremely unlikely anything would turn up now. He just wanted Runaan to drop it. The constant searching was worthless, and it was doing nothing good for his physical or mental state. He just wanted to pull Runaan into his arms and hold him while he cried. He just wanted to help him come to terms with the death of their beloved friends. He just wanted Runaan to take little Rayla in his arms and acknowledge her as their new daughter. He needed to move on from this, but he refused to do so.

Ethari dragged a tired hand over his face before looking down at the peacefully resting baby in his arms. She stared back up at him with big, bright, lilac eyes, burbling at him. He offered her a sad smile and offered a finger to her. She grasped it firmly with her tiny hands and examined it quizzically for a moment before shoving it into her mouth. Ethari chuckled softly and allowed her to suckle on the tip of his finger for a moment before taking it away. He mussed up her soft tufts of hair as she watched him.

“Oh, Rayla, what’re we gonna do?” He asked her quietly.

She just stared back at him, enthralled by his deep, soothing voice.

“He’s killing himself over this. I don’t know how to get through to him this time, he won’t listen to me no matter what I say.” He sighed.

She prattled at him in response.

“Yeah? You should talk some of that sense into him.” He replied.

Rayla released a loud squawk and a giggle.

He chuckled and nuzzled their noses together gently, allowing her to tangle her tiny fingers in his ratty white hair and tug as she liked.

“You always know just what to say.” He sighed, smiling sadly as he watched her play with his soft, uneven locks.

The bedroom door slamming open told him Runaan was back. He snapped his gaze towards the entrance as his husband stomped into the room with steam billowing out of his ears. He threw his captain’s hat on the floor and chucked off his cloak. Ethari sighed softly and rolled out of the hammock, approaching him cautiously. Rayla watched Runaan intensely as they drew nearer.

“Nothing?” Ethari asked. Runaan rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Don’t start.” He snapped, heading straight for his desk without sparing him a glance.

“I wasn’t.” Ethari stated, allowing his mild annoyance at Runaan’s dismissal to show on his face. He stared at his husband’s back as he leaned over his desk, “I don’t live and breathe just to hassle you, you know.”

Runaan sighed deeply, his shoulders tensing for a moment before he stood up straight and turned around, staring at the floor.

“Right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take this out on you.” He admitted, his voice gentler this time.

He walked back up to Ethari and took his waist with one hand, cupping his cheek softly with the other and pressing their foreheads together. Rayla stared up at them quietly from between their chests.

“Nobody has found anything, and...” he cut himself off, his grip on Ethari tightening a bit as his face scrunched up in frustration.

Ethari gave him a gentle kiss, wrapping a comforting hand around the back of his neck. Runaan melted into his touch, but he was still tense. Ethari sighed and pulled back a bit, sliding his hand up to rest along Runaan’s jaw. He tilted his face up towards his own with his palm and fiddled with Runaan’s earrings with his fingers, examining his tired face. Runaan looked back into Ethari’s eyes, his walls up and guarding his emotions, but Ethari was already behind those walls with them. He was sad and angry and deep in denial. Ethari gave Runaan a meaningful peck on the tip of his nose before tangling his hand into Runaan’s messy hair and pulling it out of its bun. It unraveled and fell to its full, glorious length, but it was still quite messy.

“C’mon, let’s get you straightened out. This is no way for the great pirate king to look” he said softly, taking Runaan’s hand and tugging him towards their hammock. Runaan resisted, sighing heavily and trying to shake his hand away.

“No, I’m sorry, I don’t have time. I need to look over-“

“No, you don’t.” Ethari gripped his hand firmly and gave him a stern look that softened after a moment, “You’ve looked over every piece of paper on this ship and all the others’ about a thousand times each now. I can’t even read that well and I could probably recite each one to you.”

“But I /must/ have missed something! I just need to-“

“No, you don’t. My shade, you have poured every second of your life into this, every ounce of your energy, for the past year. There is nothing you could have possibly missed.”

“But-“

“Come.”

“Ethari...”

“Come here.”

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, having the same silent battle they had had so many times over the past year. Runaan heaved a heavy sigh and looked down.

“Just once more, then you can have me for the night.” He bargained, hoping his usual excuse would work. Ethari stood his ground this time.

“It’s always ‘just once more,’ isn’t it? Then it’s all night and all of the next day and then you’re off on another false lead the next.”

Runaan remained silent, staring at the floor, his hand lifeless in Ethari’s grasp. Ethari stepped towards him again, pushing Rayla gently into his arms. Runaan looked away and tried to step back, but Ethari wouldn’t allow him to run again.

“You haven’t held her in weeks.” He stated.

“I shouldn’t. Not like this.”

“Why? Would you hurt her?”

“No! I would never!”

“Then take her.”

“I can’t.” Runaan hesitated.

“You can. You will.” Ethari insisted.

“I shouldn’t.”

“She is your daughter.”

Runaan stared into Ethari’s serious eyes incredulously. Ethari knew how Runaan felt about becoming Rayla’s father. He loved her with all his heart, and he promised them he would take care of her if anything happened. But he didn’t feel like he deserved it, didn’t think he could be a proper parent. He didn’t want to take Lain or Tiadrin’s place in Rayla’s heart. He didn’t want to accept that this was their new reality. A tiny voice from between them broke their silent argument.

“Wuni!”

They both looked down at the baby in Ethari’s arm. Rayla’s big eyes were set on Runaan’s, and her tiny hands were reaching out towards him desperately. She was squirming insistently, trying to get closer to him. Runaan teared up, his lower lip trembling ever-so-slightly, and Ethari caressed his cheek gently.

“She’s missed you.” He said softly, pushing her closer to him. As soon as she could reach, she grabbed at one of the long, loose locks of bright white hair hanging over his shoulder. “Take her, and let me take you. We all need this.”

Finally, Rayla had won. Runaan took her gently into his arms, nodding hesitantly.

“Okay.” He breathed.

Ethari pulled him into their bedroom, sitting him down in their hammock while he gathered up a brush and some ribbons. He eased himself into the hammock behind Runaan and began to gently work the knots out of his hair. He brushed softly for a long time, Runaan relaxing back into Ethari’s lap as he played quietly with Rayla. He made sure to massage Runaan’s scalp a bit with every stroke, deeply enjoying the feeling of running his hands through his husband’s soft hair for the first time in weeks. He left the piece Rayla had claimed for later, as she seemed to be enjoying styling it herself with her mouth.

“So, what did you all decide?” He asked after a while. Runaan sighed and shook his head. Ethari could feel him tensing up again.

“Nothing. They want me to call it off. Damned cowards.” He spat.

Rayla protested by swinging her fists a bit at his sudden intensity, yanking at his hair. He pulled back a bit, but he was still tense.

“You don’t want to?” Ethari questioned.

“Why on Earth would I do that?”

“Because it’s been a year, and you haven’t found anything.”

“But we could!”

“After a year of nothing?”

Runaan sighed frustratedly.

“Listen, I understand that the chances are low, but we can’t just give up on them!”

“It isn’t giving up if you tried your best.”

“How? We’d be quitting without finding a single thing just because we’re tired.”

“After a full year of looking in every corner of the world trying to find anything and coming up empty handed every time.” Ethari sighed as he laid down the brush and began to weave his hair into a simple braid, leaving Rayla’s piece and a matching one on the other side of his face hanging over Runaan’s shoulders, “You can’t just keep looking for the rest of your life, love. You’re already killing yourself over this, it isn’t healthy.

“Trust me, I know how you feel, my shade. I miss them, too. I want an answer as much as you do. I want to be able to tell Rayla what actually happened to them, better yet to actually see them again. I love them, and you love them, but at some point you have to let this go.”

“But what if they’re still out there, Ethari? What if we’re just overlooking some tiny detail and all it would take is just once more search? How can I just stop when we could find something tomorrow?”

“How do you know you’ll ever find anything? When will it be enough? Do you want your entire life to be dedicated to finding them again?” Ethari questioned.

Runaan stayed silent, looking down at little Rayla and lightly shaking the long, thin finger she was gripping. Ethari tied off the first section of the braid with a dark green ribbon and wrapped his arms tightly around Runaan’s waist, pulling his back flush against his chest. He rested his chin on Runaan’s shoulder and gazed down at the baby in his husband’s strong arms.

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but we’re her parents now.” He muttered against Runaan’s ear, “We need to take care of her. We need to be there for her, and you can’t do that if you’re wasting yourself away trying to find them. I don’t want her to lose another parent. I don’t want to raise her alone, Runaan.”

“I don’t want that either.” Runaan whispered, tears welling up in his eyes again as he leaned into Ethari’s touch, both to reassure his husband, and to comfort himself.

“Then don’t make me.” Ethari pleaded.

Runaan laid his head back against Ethari’s strong shoulder, staring up hopelessly at the ceiling.

“Just one last search. Just in case.” He offered half-heartedly. Ethari shook his head softly and pressed a sad kiss to Runaan’s neck.

“You know that won’t be it if you do.”

Runaan released a single, strained sob. Ethari felt the tears dripping onto his shoulder and held him a little tighter, his own eyes threatening to release the floodgates as well. Runaan turned his head towards Ethari’s, burying his face in his neck as Ethari gently rubbed his stomach.

“I know. I don’t like it either.” Ethari sniffed.

“I just want them to come back.” Runaan whimpered.

“I do too.” Ethari sobbed, crying with his husband.

They stayed this way for a long time, crying together in their hammock as Runaan finally saw the truth. Rayla watched them silently for a while, confused.

“Wuni? Dari? Oh no.” She whimpered, eyes pooling with tears. Runaan and Ethari looked down at her and shook their heads in unison.

“No, Rayla, it’s okay! We’re okay, little shadow.” Ethari cooed, wiping away his tears quickly and offering her a sad smile and a reassuring finger, which she happily grasped with one hand after letting go of some of Runaan’s hair. Runaan stroked her cheek softly, holding her a little tighter.

“We’ve got you, Rayla. We’re never leaving you.”

And that was the truth.

[caddy-whump-us]

First wing whump, now ear whump!

So this came to me when I was just sitting around with my usual cloth mask on. I’ve, honestly, quite liked the inspiration that the current wear-a-mask movement has given me.

This started to slide towards Handmaid’s Tale first-person narration for some reason. The background is that it’s roughly present day, but somehow some fantastical creatures do exist. Unfortunately, humans aren’t coexisting with them all that well. In this case, there’s this thing about having a “house elf,” because it takes permission and money, so it’s a status symbol (lmao my elves are always small and delicate and pretty, not tall and powerful and elegant; go figure). 

Cautions: institutionalized slavery/captivity, noncon bodymod (hair), implied/referenced noncon, gore, surgery, consensual bodymod (but bloody) 

---

They dressed us like peasant children in blousy tunics and smocks and trousers cut short and cuffed well up above the knee. We look like children to them, so they dress us like children and treat us like children. We're kept barefoot in the houses and are made to wear ill-fitting shoes when we go out. It's harder to run away like that.

There are rules: cover your ears, turn your eyes down, walk quietly, be invisible, cover your face.

We are bodies only--useful bodies, but only bodies meant to fetch and carry, to deliver messages, to run meaningless errands, to come when called, to lie down when told. We are not necessary, but we are useful and mostly useful to the houses that have us in their endless grasping for power and influence.

When they have visitors, they'll have us standing nearby just so we can be seen, such as we are ever seen, and then sent away. It's only proof that they've been granted, that they've been permitted to have one of us.

In some other world, maybe, I think they would dress us up like dolls and make us pretty and decorative.

There are ways to be set free, they said, and we knew what those were, but we had never seen any of us take those ways before.

They brought all of us from a circle of the houses to the kitchen of one that night. We had been told there was going to be a manumission ceremony. We were lined up on one side of the kitchen table. A chair stood with its back against the table on the other side.

We stood side by side and waited.

Eventually someone else came in with one of us. I didn't know him. There was talking for a while, among the heads of the houses. I didn't listen. We aren't supposed to listen unless we're told to listen. But then the one of us who came in late sat down in the chair. He took off his coif and then he took off his mask.

He leaned his head back against the table. This was the first time in so long that I had seen the whole face of one of us. I had almost forgotten what we looked like. We were all eyes and nothing else anymore. But there he was with his whole face uncovered and looking straight into the faces of the people leaning over him.

They put towels down under his head and put a cloth over his face so that one ear came through a hole there. And then they began to cut off the tip of his ear.

Someone began to hyperventilate. I realized it was me.

But he held still because he had agreed to it.

No, his ears would never have smooth rounded tops like the heads of the houses or anyone like them in the city. But they wouldn't be pointed anymore either. They wouldn't be beast ears or gremlin ears anymore.

I wanted to reach under my coif to touch my ears to make sure the points were still there. The one standing next to me grabbed my wrist and squeezed as the cutting went on to keep himself calm. It sounded like cutting gristle from meat. I wanted to be sick. Many of us wanted to be sick.

They finished one ear and stitched it up with blue thread. Then they turned his head and cut his other ear off round and stitched it up too. The towels were soaked in blood. They put the bits of flesh they had cut off onto a plate.

When he sat up, he was sweating but he was smiling. He looked at the two men who had just cut the high tips of his ears off and smiled at them. He looked at them and he smiled at them. His face was uncovered and his head was uncovered and he looked at them in the eyes. But he had given up what he was or had been before, so he could do these things now. They showed him the cut off flesh. He reached to touch his new ears but stopped himself.

He would still have the marks on his hands, though, and that would follow him.

We each have signs on our hands. Mine are on the second and third fingers of my right hand and the thumb of my left. They designate the records of our capture and the first house we were sent to. They keep those records in the city hall. Sometimes I thought that if we could all interlock our hands together, we would unlock the trap they had us in.

I've seen all kinds of marks. Some of us have marks on our wrists too, but I don't know what that means or if it's good or bad. We aren't allowed to speak, not even to acknowledge when we're given an order. If we're sent out to buy flowers or spices so that someone else can see us, we might see each other. We aren't allowed to speak, but we've made up signs we can make to each other in the market; small ones, so that no one will care. We can do "how are you?" and we can do "well" or "sad" or "hurt." Sometimes we can just talk with our eyes.

They put the marks in with a tattoo machine but I don't remember if it hurt. It must have. By the time they put me under that chattering needle I was still so dazed from the raid on our camp and the rattling transport to the city and from not sleeping in days that I don't even remember.

I remember them tying my hair up into hanks and sheaves before they cut it off and then they carried it away. The women like it for wigs because their hair is never that pale silver-gold that ours is and we're not allowed to have long hair anyway.

We have to cover our heads and ears anyway. They take away our ears that way so we look like children to them, not what we really are.

Most of us wear black or white coifs, sometimes with a bit of a brim, to hide our ears. We like to keep the strings untied. Maybe that counts as rebellion.

We put on the coifs when we get dressed, the same time we put on the masks, and we leave them on until we're allowed to go to bed. We tie the masks behind our ears and we cover our ears with the coifs.

The heads of the houses like masks with a seam up the middle so they fit tight under our chins and sit high over our noses. It works like a muzzle under our chins that way. And they're fitted enough that anyone could see if we're eating something in secret or whispering.

It's funny that we wear masks to cover our mouths and noses while the ladies will wear masks and dark glasses and hats with wide brims that only cover over their eyes. We're each half a face.

We're only ever boys because "boys don't breed halfsies."

We were escorted back to our houses. The master of my house said that the lady of the house was out of the city and would be for a few days. He needed me for a while that night. He made me uncover my face and my head the whole time because he knew it would be more shameful that way. He bit my ears too. But he let me sleep on the carpet next to his bed for a time until I could creep away to my own place.

I didn't know him. The one who gave up his ears. But even though he gave up his ears, he won't be allowed to leave the city. He won't be allowed to have children because they'd be halfsies. He won't be allowed to do a lot of things. But he won't be like us anymore. Maybe he can find work as a paid servant. Maybe he'll be used for information by the generals. Maybe he'll end up in a whorehouse. I've heard about others who gave up their ears and ended up in places like that. Or dead. But many of us end up dead one way or another.

It just proves that he wants to be like them, to be human. And as proud as they might be that he does, he won't be human to them. Not really. He won't be a halfsie but he won't really be whole either and he won't be with us anymore.

They made us watch, though. They had told us this was a way to be free.

After it was all over, he turned and looked at us and we realized that we could not longer look him in the eyes. We all looked down. An hour before, we had all been equals under the command of the heads of the houses. But no more.

I heard a strange sound then, but I didn't dare to look up. I realized, then, that he was laughing.

[unluckyxse7en-moving]

Can I ask a question? I have been wondering stuff about myself and in the panel where it says "before 'me' disappeared." it stuck out to me. I've never had a good grip on who I am and figured I had to build it. Idk hat that is. Nor do I expect you to answer that. My question is, could you explain it more?

Yes, absolutely, you’re totally welcome to ask! and idk how well I can explain it but I’ll do my best based on my current personal understanding and experience! obligatory disclaimer, many systems have unique experiences and it’s not always consistent or cut and dry from system to system, but if something about this does hit home I encourage you to look into researching it more as you feel comfortable! Also a heads up, I’m going to probably overexplain terms and concepts since I’m not sure what you do know, plus if someone else reading this isn’t familiar I figure that may help them too, so bear with me! ^^ (this got incredibly long and incredibly personal, I hope that’s ok! We’ve found hearing about personal experiences from others always helped give us a way to compare our experience better in ways that medical definitions don’t help with, so we got detailed in hopes it’ll be helpful to someone. heads up, there’s some references to feelings of unreality.)

Gonna try to put this under a cut since it got so long, let’s hope tumblr cooperates!

So admittedly, I was intrigued when you sent this line in, because while I’ve reread this comic a couple times before posting it, I didn’t remember writing a line exactly like that. As it turns out, the writing was meant to say “when ‘He’ disappeared” but it’s really oddly unclear whether it’s an H or an M at first glance compared to the rest of the script? If I’m honest I actually prefer your interpretation better, especially because the ambiguity lends more to the comic’s meaning in retrospect. I’m not gonna say something like ‘oh one of my alters must’ve done that on purpose’ because back then our handwriting was just an inconsistent mess in general and the most involvement we could probably credit to the alters was just one person tried to write that H in their handwriting when someone else was supposed to be writing it. But I thought that was an interesting case of serendipity so I couldn’t help pointing it out lmao 

 That said, I think your reading actually makes just as much sense in the context of the comic, and is a phenomenon I think I can readily explain that I have had a little experience with. Currently, my system setup is a little bit like an archeological dig. The alters that have surfaced the most, who have been the ones in charge of actions/words/emotional responses/etc, aka ‘fronted’, are all the ones who have formed in more recent years. The ones from years past are further back, and harder to access because we’ve developed a protective setup where the newer alters act as barricades to keep the older ones from being more exposed to trauma, or anything else they can’t handle. At its core, that’s what the function of a system is - to develop other alters who can handle situations more vulnerable parts can’t - but not all systems are built with an onion-layer setup like mine either, so just keep that in mind.

That said, since I’m built with an onion-layer setup, that means most of my system experience is based upon those older alters being shielded and walled up. When you add enough layers, we can’t dig them out again and for us that’s where most of our ‘disappearance’ comes in that we know of.  There’s another phenomenon that could cause the ‘disappearance’ effect but we’ll touch on that in a moment. In our case, we just eventually feel so distanced from who “I” was supposed to be, whoever that is. Very few of the ones who have been out in recent months are from older times. We’ve had a small handful who are from our high school years (we’re 25 now), and maybe caught a glimpse of alters older than that once or twice. We very rarely remember much of the time from that far back, and what we do remember feels incredibly detached. Almost more like we saw it in a first person pov movie rather than actually been there. We’ve gone through name changes a couple times by now, and I highly suspect that those name changes are further reflective of our archeological layers and who we decided to try to model our collective behavior around, to try to seem like one whole person. 

“Erika” was a girl who behaved one way. “Erin” was someone who behaved another way. and “Cleo” has been our current blueprint for who we’re supposed to be on the outside when being incognito. And what’s interesting is that you mentioned feeling like you had to ‘build’ yourself, because while it’s not so precise or in our control, we’ve approached it much the same way. For each name change it was like different models. out with the old model and in with the new, now introducing Cleo v2.0, with these personality patches and old bugs fixed. Around the time we changed to Erin, we had firmly decided we wanted to put our ‘old self’ behind us and improve ourselves. We had come out of toxic experiences eyes open, and we were terrified of reflecting that internalized toxicity outward. So we took ourselves to the metaphorical workshop, and spent many many years scrutinizing who ‘Erika’ was under a microscope for our faults, our flaws, what made us work that way, so that we could iron out the kinks when introducing ‘Erin’. As we took ‘Erin’ for test runs in college, we would find different flaws and faults that needed fixing, so once we’d accumulated a comprehensive list of those we took Erin in for workshopping and shortly after we dropped out of college, out came Cleo. Our entire life experience from the outside has been a long-running fixer-upper project, and for a while we were proud of ourselves to see the long strides in improvements we’d made upon “myself”, for being so quick to see our flaws and find ways to manage them. 

But what was really happening under the hood was, we weren’t actually changing as an individual, cohesive person.  We were adapting and forming new alters, or at the very least reassigning them based on who handled what better - so if we had become sick of our short temper, we swapped that alter out so that what normally caused them to respond, would instead elicit someone less volatile and slower to anger. If one of us froze up at the sight of blood, they would be swapped out of the front for someone who had no problems with it. This is why we ended up onion-layering ultimately, to lower the risk of the other alters being in front at poorly timed moments.

So tl;dr for us, a lot of our ‘Disappearance’ of our selves was us trading them out or hiding them away, and most likely encouraging a state of alter dormancy - when alters become inactive for long periods of time. (for some of us we describe it like sleeping - I think it tires us out on a physical level if one alter is active too long, it probably works certain parts of the brain more depending on the alter, but that’s all speculation.)

Backtracking a little - there is another experience that would cause a more definite and permanent ‘Disappearance’ effect. We haven’t experienced it since coming out as a system to ourselves. But we’re pretty sure we experienced it once, or twice, way back when. It’s formally known as Fusion. Fusion is what happens when two or more alters end up “physically” (for lack of a better word) merging together. They cannot separate, and they become an entirely different alter. The new alter often has some elements of their components in terms of personality traits and memories, but also isn’t a complete merging of everything. Memories and emotional attachments can often get lost in the process. This is where the other Disappearance can occur.

We know it happened to us at least once. Somewhere around middle or high school, for no apparent reason, we had developed an acute awareness and fear of Amnesia, and the identity death that would inevitably come with it. We were always scared, what if we hit our head and lost our memory? What would we remember, if anything? Would we get it back? Media always dramatizes amnesia, where amnesiac characters have some twinge, some spark, where they get drawn to things super important to them from before the memory loss. Would that happen to us? What if it didn’t? What if we never remembered the things that mattered so dearly to us? Would we even be the same person anymore?

If you compare that to the concept of fusion, it’s almost uncomfortably spot on. But we had no idea about systems or fusion back then. Which can only mean we had experienced a fusion, and somehow that caused a disturbance in the system that led to that latent fear to hang over our heads, along with the constant feelings of unreality and dreaming that followed us all through high school.

But somewhere along the line, just as suddenly as that fear developed, it just. Dissipated. It’s still a terrifying concept for us. But we no longer obsess over it like we did back then. We also suspect that’s probably related to another fusion of sorts. We have no clue who they were, or who they are now though. 

So to tie it all back in, in the comic the ‘Me/He’ disappearing would be parallel to an alter going dormant, or possibly fusing. The characters the protagonist and Tormenter are built around were originally part of a storyline of two separate identities that ended up ‘fusing’ to form a different whole, and while I can’t say the comic is faithful to the scientific or actual experience in a system, since I didn’t know about it at the time, I’m pretty sure it was based on what I had picked up on in my subconscious, so that’s the implications there, inaccurate representation though they may be.  I have heard from a few sources that fusion is often the result of a necessary function, to help protect or help an alter that can no longer function or cope the way they have been by creating a new alter that can cope better, so with this understanding, and the direction of the comic, it makes a sort of sense. 

These are my thoughts in regards to your question about ‘disappearance’ in the context of the comic based on my personal experiences, I hope it helped! Feel free to ask more or send in followup questions or statements, hopefully now that I’ve given a lot of context I won’t be quite so long-winded haha

[murasaki-murasame]

Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 Episode 15: “I Wouldn’t Say That”

The one and only thing this episode needed to do was succeed in making Hatori look fine as hell, so I’m glad they managed to do that, since this part of the story’s always been kinda forgettable beyond that, lol.

Thoughts under the cut. [Spoiler warning for the whole series]

Just to get right to the chase, this episode adapts chapters 25 and 26 of the manga, same as episode 16 of the 2001 version. It’s actually kinda interesting to compare them, since even though they’re about 99% the same, the comparison really highlights even more of the consequences of the stuff the 2001 version cut out as a whole.

I think I already mentioned this last week, but anyway, since the 2001 version removed the whole hat subplot and everything referencing Kyo’s connection to Kyoko, everything about Yuki and Kyo acting weird in this part had pretty much no context in that version, whereas at least in this version you have a pretty good idea what’s going on and how it connects to the previous episode, even if they’re both subplots that are largely still mysteries right now. And in addition to that, they also entirely removed Mayuko from the 2001 version, so the stuff with Hatori there was left on a more vague note. Which all just made this part feel super filler-y and disconnected from the rest of the story, originally.

But honestly even in the manga this part was always kinda filler-y and uneventful. It was just made even more so in the 2001 anime because it basically removed the few important story elements that were actually set up here. I think the series is really good at having every new story beat either introduce a new character, meaningfully develop existing ones, or just set up future plot points, but I’ve always felt like this is the weakest arc out of all of them, with the set-up mostly just being ‘wow, Yuki and Kyo sure are still moody for reasons we don’t fully know yet’ and ‘I guess Hatori will maybe hook up with the main trio’s teacher eventually’.

I do think it’s kinda funny, though, after seeing a lot of anime only people last week be like ‘I can’t wait to find out what’s going on with Yuki and Kyo next week :)’, when in reality this episode is like 90% Tohru going ‘I wonder what’s going on with Yuki and Kyo’. We’re not gonna find out what’s up with them, especially with Kyo, for a loooong time, lol. I hope that anime-only people don’t feel too genuinely let down or disappointed by this episode, but if there’s any one part where I think new fans might start thinking that the series is beginning to spin it’s wheels and needs to kick it up a notch, this episode would be it.

This whole part’s also always stuck out to me, even in the manga, as being just about the only part of the story after the first volume where we actually see Yuki and Kyo transform. It’s one of the things that make this part feel like a very episodic, filler-y ‘return to the status quo for a whole’ sorta part, if that makes sense. You’d think it wouldn’t be noteworthy that they transform here, but it sticks out in hindsight when you notice how they otherwise stop doing so pretty much entirely after the first volume. It’s not actually a recurring element of the story. Though I actually think it feels a bit more ‘natural’ in the 2001 version because they added some bits here and there in other episodes to have them transform when they didn’t in the manga, which made it seem like something that happens way more than it actually does.

Like always, I tend to be mostly ambivalent to these sorts of comedic breather sections [even though they’re necessary for the overall story flow], but I still really like the whole Jason joke. It reminds me that when I first read the manga I assumed that it must have been a localization of a reference to a Japanese horror movie, but nah, it was literally a Jason reference even in Japanese, lol. Which actually makes it feel a bit more understandable that Kyo doesn’t get it. Although, come to think of it, I wonder if this has more to do with how his sheltered upbringing lead him to being completely oblivious to a lot of ‘normal’ stuff. Which would make it kinda depressing in hindsight. But still funny. 

Even though I still kinda don’t like the whole Mabudachi trio as a unit, Hatori’s still great, so I appreciate how this episode is actually more about giving him a chance to take a nap and read a book, more than anything to do with the main trio. I do still like how many parts there are like this that focus on the adult characters and their perspective on things. Even though, as much as it gets more relatable over time, it also becomes kinda funny, in the sense of ‘stop being such a drama queen, Hatori, you’re not even 30 yet, lmao’.

Also, it’s not like they really changed it from how it was in the manga, but I forgot just how immediately obvious it is that he’s gonna hook up with Mayu later on. Although I think it’s actually even more blunt in the manga since apparently she had a picture of Hatori next to the picture of her and Kana, which I didn’t even notice until I just saw someone point it out.

I’m actually pretty excited for the episode we’ll get later on focused on them, even though it won’t happen until season 2 at this rate. They’re one of my favourite side couples in the series, and it still bugs me that they cut Mayu out of the 2001 anime [even though I get why they did it].

Anyway I think that’s about everything there is to say about this episode, but in addition to all that, we now know for a fact that the next episode will be adapting Uo’s backstory, which is really interesting to me. I already guessed it based on the vague look we got a while ago of Caitlin Glass’ notes, but I’m still a bit surprised they’re shifting that part up so much. If I remember right, it’s chapters 39 to 41, so at least in the manga it’s a fair bit ahead of where we are now. But it’s also mostly a flashback arc so I don’t think it’d exactly be hard to shuffle it about.

I’m mostly curious to see how they’re going to adapt it and pace it out, partly because it basically wasn’t adapted in the 2001 anime at all so it’ll sort of be all new in the reboot, and partly because it’s a three chapter arc in the manga, and the reboot hasn’t adapted mote than two chapters in a single episode yet.

Caitlin Glass’ notes do seem to indicate that Uo’s backstory will cover the next two episodes, though, which would at least be better than cramming it into one. It’s a pretty substantial arc with a lot going on, so I’d be happy if they give it a two-part treatment here. Though if they do it across two episodes, it makes me wonder how they’ll break it up, and if they might flesh it out with some material from later in the series, to bring it up to effectively two chapters of content per episode, which would be in line with the average pacing of the reboot thus far.

If they do that, I hope they find a way to slide chapter 50 [the one where Uo and Kureno meet for the first time] into it. I think it’d be fairly easy to tie it into the present-day parts of the Uo backstory arc, and it’d be nice for the reboot to throw a curveball and formally introduce Kureno this early on. At the very least the alternative is that he probably wouldn’t show up until season 2, which would be kinda sad.

We’ll see how it goes, but at the very least the next episode will definitely be getting into the flashback portion of the arc, since the episode title is taken from when Uo first met Tohru. I wonder if it’ll adapt all of the flashback, or if it’ll stop halfway and finish off in the episode afterward.

Most of the series thus far has split very easily into single episode chunks, so it’s kinda exciting to get to a part that’s a bit less obvious in how it’d translate into an anime format. It’s the sorta thing I really like speculating about.

And as a reminder, going by what we know from the next episode preview, Caitlin Glass’ notes, and the official confirmation of season 1 being 25 episodes long, it looks like the structure of the season from here on out will be two episodes for Uo’s backstory, Kisa’s intro, Ritsu’s intro, Hiro’s intro, the episode with Hana and the Yuki fan club, Hana’s backstory, and then probably Tohru getting sick and then the whole Kyo arc across three episodes total. I wasn’t sure about it at first, but after looking back at the notes we saw, it looks like the two Hana episodes will in fact be two separate episodes back to back, so Hana’s backstory would be episode 22 at this rate, which leaves three episodes to adapt chapters 30 to 34. Which I think would work fine. I think they’re going to tie the set-up for the Kyo arc into the episode with Tohru getting sick so that it ends with Kazuma showing up, and the last two episodes can spend more time on the actual meat of the Kyo arc. But we’ll see.

Either way I’m really excited for the next two episodes. The reboot’s been pretty similar in execution to the 2001 anime for a while now, so it’ll be fun to get two episodes in a row focused on material that basically wasn’t in the 2001 version at all.

[kwanisms]

Warmth REDUX - jjg

RE: I said I would rewrite this when I had some time and I found some time, so here it is. I feel like this is better. I’m more pleased with the ending this time around. Originally, I was going to make you all S U F F E R with angst, but ultimately, I decided to not do that since I have a lot of other stories with angst in them.

So, without further ado, here is my revised version of Warmth.

⤑ genre: Angst ⤑ pairing: Jeongguk x Reader ⤑ warning: none ⤑ summary: Originally a drabble, the ending was kind of pffttt so I rewrote it and I don’t have a summary cause I suck at them. Go, soak in the angst. ⤑ word count: 4.1k (is this still a drabble? Idk anymore lmao)

Meeting Jeongguk was what one would call a “happy accident.” You were lying on a blanket at the local park, the rays of the summer sun extending down to bathe you in its warmth.

Taking off from work was rare, especially for you, but at your doctor's insistence, you had taken a few personal days. Time to spend as you pleased. You opted for basking in the sun, something you hadn't done since you were a young girl.

It was at that park that you had run into Jeongguk or rather, he tripped over you as he raced to catch the frisbee hurtling towards the ground. His toes caught under your ankle and down he went, kicking your ankle as he did.

The pain you felt was nothing compared to the anger as you sat up quickly, nursing the tender joint as it rapidly began to swell. You threw a dirty look at his friends as they gathered. Six of them, all forgetting their friend sprawled on the grass as they squawked about like a flock of birds, each one asking if you were okay.

“Jeongguk, you could have broken her ankle!” one said and your eyes flew to him. He was tall, very tall, with beautiful golden skin, blonde hair, and deep set dimples on either side of his face when he smiled.

“No, I'm not you, Namjoon,” the man on the grass said as he lifted himself, propping his body up on his elbows and looked up at his tall friend. Another man, with orange hair, round cheeks, and bright eyes knelt next to you.

“Are you alright?” he asked softly. You momentarily forgot the pain in your ankle as you lost yourself in his stare. He was beautiful, plain and simple. You didn't think you had ever seen such a beautiful man before.

“Jimin,” another man said fluffing the orange haired man's hair. He too had beautiful deep golden skin, black hair, a sharp jawline along with a pointed side profile. He smiled down at his friend, his mouth heart shaped.

“You're distracting her,” he said and Jimin looked up at him. “Oops,” he said smiling, his eyes turning into crescents. He turned back to you as another man squatted down in front of you.

He had large eyes, opened wide with curiosity as he studied you. His tanned skin contrasting with the green in his brown hair. When he noticed you watching him, he broke into a wide boxy smile that melted your heart.

“Yah, give her some air!” a voice said and you looked up to see yet another handsome man. He had possibly the most beautiful face you had ever seen. Wow, so handsome. His eyes fell on you and his expression changed from chagrin as he greeted you with a dazzling smile.

The last one said nothing, choosing to observe silently, was pale. He had silver hair with an undercut and bangs that fell into his catlike eyes. Ones that turned upon you with great fascination. The slight pout to his lips as he studied your state on the ground.

Finally, the man who tripped, Jeongguk they called him. He knelt down across from Jimin on the other side of the blanket. He gave you a boyish grin before turning his attention to your ankle. “Do you need some ice?” he asked before turning his gaze back to your face.

Your face felt very warm and you suspected the Sun wasn't entirely to blame as you dropped your eyes to instead focus on your swollen ankle. It was starting to bruise, patches of red erupting across the skin.

“I uh. Yeah. I probably should,” you stammered. “I'll grab the cooler,” Jimin said standing and turning to run back toward their things. “I'm really sorry,” Jeongguk said as he settled himself down and inspected your ankle a little closer. He gently took your leg in his hands, and you found yourself enraptured as you watched.

Jeongguk nursed your ankle that day and even drove you to the ER at the insistence of his friends. You were fine. Just a sprained ankle. Jeongguk even paid your hospital bill. Something about his conscience.

He asked for your number after you left the hospital and for whatever reason, you gave it to him. Maybe it was the doe eyed look he had when he asked or the scrunch of his nose like a bunny when he laughed at your jokes.

That summer was the beginning of what you assumed was a typical summer fling. Date nights at the movies or the beach on the weekends. The park during the day eventually ending up at one of your places for the night.

The summer fling soon turned into something more as fall took over the city, changing the leaves and bringing a chill to the air and you traded your sun hat in for a beanie.

Jeongguk stayed throughout autumn and winter too, providing warmth in the form of hugs, kisses, and a bed partner. Warmth became synonymous with his name.

Jeongguk was the Sun on a cold winter day, reaching down to bathe you in its golden warmth. Whenever he smiled, laughed, held your hand or kissed you; Jeongguk made you feel warmed and loved. He radiated heat. He was your own personal Sun.

When you got the call that your grandmother was ill, he was there to keep you warm as you cried into his chest. Knowing she didn't have long, Jeongguk urged you to go see her. You knew this was your last chance so you took it.

You promised him you wouldn't be gone long. It wasn't supposed to be a long trip. It was hard, leaving Jeongguk behind but he promised you he wouldn't go anywhere. “I'll be right here when you get back,” he said in between kisses. He had always kept his promises to you.

Maybe that's why it hurt so much when you came home and found him in bed with someone else. In your bed no less. The warmth he always provided you with now a distant memory.

When Jeongguk realized you had walked in, he completely forgot about the girl in your shared bed getting up to placate you. The other girl grimaced as she dressed in a hurry and left your apartment. You didn't want her pity.

“Babe, wait. Let's talk about this,” Jeongguk said as you walked around the couch to avoid his touch. He reached out for you, his hands that used to hold yours, cup your face, that played with your hair, wiped your tears away, and brought you so much pleasure were now foreign and you didn't want them anywhere near you.

“Don't fucking touch me!” you hissed. You'd never cursed at him before. In front of him yes, but at him? Never. You were his good girl who never raised her voice at him, and he never raised his voice at you. It was just something that neither one of you felt was necessary, until now.

“Get out!” you said pointing at the door. “Babe,” Jeongguk started. You shook your head, tears that threatened to spill finally breaking down their barriers as they streamed down your face.

Jeongguk hated when you cried. He said it broke his heart to see you break in front of him and yet, he was the cause this time. His doe eyed stare caught you off guard before you recomposed yourself.

“Get out of my apartment, Jeongguk,” you stated firmly, much more calmly than you thought possible given the situation. Jeongguk shook his head, tears shining in the corner of his eyes. “Not until we talk.”

You moved to the kitchen and he slowly shadowed you. “Just get out. I don't want you here,” you said pressing your fingers to your temples and rubbing.

“Please baby, let's just talk.”

In a moment of weakness, your cool facade slipped as you picked up an empty mug, his mug, and hurled it toward him. You'd never acted out nor physically attacked him so the a mug flying toward him was the last thing he expected.

He ducked at the last second, the ceramic hitting the wall behind him and shattering into a thousand little pieces, the way your trust in him shattered when you opened the bedroom door. When he stood straight, the doe eyed look was gone, replaced with a look of shock and horror.

Your chest rose and fell as you tried to compose yourself. You were angry and nothing good came from making decisions when you were mad but this one time, you decided you could make an exception.

“Get the fuck out.”

It was a command and it even sounded like one.

Jeongguk packed his things that night and left. Where he went you didn't know. You didn't ask but you assumed with one of his friends. He texted you everyday, pleading with you to take him back. Give him another chance.

You had contemplated it but every time you gave the idea merit, you just thought about him with someone else in the bed he shared with you. The bed you bought together when you said you needed a new mattress. The same bed he told you he wanted to start a family with you one day.

The bed you had found out you were pregnant in.

You remembered the day like it was yesterday. You had missed your period and so you decided to humor yourself and took a test, thinking it wasn't possible. “There's no way I'm pregnant,” you told yourself as you sat on the edge of your bed and waited for the words ‘not pregnant’ to appear.

To your surprise, the words ‘pregnant’ formed on the small screen and you almost dropped the test on the floor. You ran to the drug store and bought three more tests to be sure. When Jeongguk returned that night, he found you curled up in bed.

“Babe, are you hungry?” he whispered as he sat on the edge of the bed and leaned over, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. You shook your head silently. “Are you tired?” he whispered and you shook your head.

“What's wrong?” he asked and you turned to face him, uncovering the four pregnancy tests you'd been staring at for the last hour. His eyes widened in shock as he took in each one showing positive signs that there was life growing inside you.

“Are you serious?” he whispered, eyes dipping to meet yours and you nodded, a lump in your throat forming. You had been so careful. He always wore a condom in the beginning until you agreed to go on birth control.

After your body adjusted, you agreed to go without the condom a few times and it was amazing, feeling all of him inside you without any sort of barrier. He never came inside you, at first anyway. Until you assured him it was alright. The birth control was enough.

At least you thought it was.

Expecting him to panic or leave, you braced yourself for his reaction. You were surprised when his hands cupped your face, a huge grin spreading across his face before he kissed you. Was he… happy?

“I'm going to be a dad!” he said excitedly and you couldn't help but smile as he pulled you into a bone crushing hug. “You really want this?” you asked and Jeongguk pulled back to look at you. “Of course I want this!”

He promised you that he was ready and that he wanted the baby. He was determined to prove he was ready to be a father and he bought all sorts of books for expecting and new fathers. He ready each one diligently.

The pregnancy didn't last however, and you miscarried after 5 weeks. You had never seen Jeongguk cry before. You were devastated. You cried every night and Jeongguk was there to dry your tears, promising to try again. He was there to stay. He wanted to start a family with you.

Jeongguk was always there to keep you warm and calm you down when you cried, but now he was gone. You cried a lot that first week after he left. You cried over your morning coffee, you cried while working from home, you cried in the shower, you even cried yourself to sleep.

You missed him.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months as what was once a warm and inviting home was now cold and despondent. You didn't bother turning on the lights, kept the curtains drawn and opted to work more from home so you didn't have to leave and risk seeing anyone who might ask questions.

Jeongguk was determined. His texts never ceased. He texted you three sometimes five times a day. Once in the morning, again at lunch and finally at night before bed. On occasion, he would text you some random tidbit of information about his day, something he always did.

You never opened his texts or answered the phone when he called. You couldn't at first. You needed space but after a while, it became habit to not answer your phone. The frequency of his texts never faltered. He was worried. He thought something happened to you.

He showed up one night, banging on the door. “Just open.the door, (Y/N). I need to see that you're okay!” You finally relented and opened the door. He looked down at you, wide eyes red and puffy, similar to your own. He wouldn't tell you, but he cried a lot, too.

He missed you, too.

“What do you want, Jeongguk?” you asked stiffly, crossing your arms. His chest rising and falling with his breath, he let out a sigh. “I thought something had happened to you,” he whispered stepping toward you. “Jeongguk,” you warned with a step back into the safety of your apartment.

“Can we talk, please?” Jeongguk asked looking down at you, his eyes glossy as he fought back the urge to cry. He didn't want you to see, even though you already knew. He watched you as you contemplated letting him in, your brow furrowed as your mind raced.

After a few moments, you looked up at him and stepped out of the way of the door allowing him in. Jeongguk crossed the threshold quickly and you shut the door behind him. You crossed to the counter, using it as a barrier between you and him. You couldn't be weak.

“What's on your mind, Gguk?” you asked, a hint of sarcasm to your words. “I need to say my piece. I don't expect you to forgive me or even give me another chance, but I need to say this and get it off my chest, alright?” he said and you gestured for him to continue.

“I love you,” he started and you scoffed. “No, I do. You know I do,” he said pointing at you and you fell silent. “I truly do love you. I made a mistake, (Y/N). We all do from time to time. That's no excuse for my behavior, I know,” he added, sitting on the back of the couch.

You bit your tongue and allowed him to continue, fighting down the urge to snap back at him.

“The truth is, I missed you. I was lonely and you were gone. I had a lapse of character and judgement and brought home someone who wasn't you. I brought her to our home and I betrayed you in the worst way.”

You said nothing as he stopped for breath before he continued. “That's the only thing I can say. You were gone. I have no other explanation. I wanted physical intimacy. There was nothing emotional involved with her,” he said it like it made it hurt less what he did.

“I hurt you, I know I did. I can never take back what I did, (Y/N), but I want you back. I miss you so much, baby. Please, give me a second chance.”

You waited to see if he had anything else to offer. The surge of emotion within you was unforgiving as you went through every emotion you felt discovering him that day. Disbelief: is he lying? Does he mean it? Denial: no. Not possible. There's no way I can forgive him? Anger: how dare he show his face and how dare he ask for my forgiveness?! Sadness: I miss him, I really do. I still love him.

They swirled around within you before you finally landed on one: anger. Your face contorted with fury and you unleashed on him, lashing out finally.

“How dare you,” you hissed. His eyes widened but you weren't finished with him yet. “I was gone because my grandmother was sick. I left because you told me to. My grandmother died and all you could think of was how lonely you were?!” He flinched at the volume of your voice.

“Babe,” he began standing up but you held up your hand. “No. You said your part. It's my turn now.” Like a kicked dog, he sat back down and shut up. You walked around the counter and stopped in front of him.

“How heartless; while I mourned my dying grandmother, you were thinking with your dick? While I cried every night until I left, you were more focused on getting laid?” Your fingernails dug into your arm, leaving little red crescent moons in your skin.

“I never took you for being a selfish and arrogant ass, Jeongguk.”

He stood up and crossed to you quickly trapping you between his body and the countertop. “Not a second went by where I wasn't thinking about you while you were gone, (Y/N). You were always at the forefront of my mind.”

You pushed him away and retreated behind the counter to hide the shaking of your legs. You couldn't be seen as weak. He would use that against you. Jeongguk had become your weakness.

You were too proud to tell him, but you wanted him back in your life. You yearned for his touch, for him to kiss you, for his warmth. You were just too proud to say it.

“Don't push me away, (Y/N),” he said following you around the counter and you shook your head retreating further still, evading him and stepping out into the front room. Jeongguk followed still. “Stop,” you commanded.

You stopped by the window overlooking the city eyes on him as he approached. “I know you still love me,” he said, stopping just a few feet away from you. Your body swayed dangerously as you fought the urge to flee to your room. Lock yourself away where he couldn’t get to you.

“Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll leave. I won’t look back. Tell me you don’t love me and I won’t contact you ever again.” Your eyes searched his and you were sure he could see it in your eyes. The fear of never seeing him again. Never speaking to him, hearing his voice, seeing his smile, or feeling his warmth. It scared you. You did love him. You wanted to give him another chance.

“If I forgive you, it’s like I’m giving you a free pass. Like I’m telling you what you did is fine and that I’m willing to put up with it,” you whispered, pulling your cardigan closer around you. It was freezing in the apartment. Jeongguk shook his head.

“No it doesn’t. Forgiving me has nothing to do with how you feel about what happened. Forgiveness is about moving on, (Y/N).” He stepped forward bit by bit. “It’s about letting go of the past. You don’t forget what happened or try to cover it. You grow and move on.” Jeongguk stopped as he reached you.

You looked up at him, tears already spilling down your face. He winced, seeing the pain he caused echoed in your face. He would give anything to take everything back. He was the worst kind of monster. He hurt you and he would have to live with that for the rest of his life.

“I…” you froze. “What do you want? Forget the rest of the world for a moment,” Jeongguk said reaching out and taking your hands in his. “What do you want? Tell me.”

You glanced around the room for something to focus on instead of him. His eyes bore into your face as he watched you, waiting for some kind of response. You tried desperately to find the words you wanted to say, knowing full well you shouldn’t be saying them.

“I want things to go back to the way they were,” you whispered, a small sob escaping your throat as your knees buckled. You never hit the floor. Jeongguk caught you and held you in his arms, the warmth of his body coating you for the first time in weeks and you had to admit, it felt good. It felt safe to be in his arms again. “Things can’t go back to the way they were, baby,” he said as he held you tightly. “All we can do is move on,” he said.

You shook your head as sobs shook your entire body. Jeongguk was patient, as always, as he held you and let you cry on his shoulder just as you used to. He was silent but his presence was comforting. He knew what to say and when to say it but he also knew when not to say anything.

Minutes ticked by as you cried. Only when your body had run out of tears did Jeongguk speak. “Give me another chance, (Y/N). Let me come home,” he whispered and you shook your head. “No. Not yet,” you breathed. “Not yet?” Jeongguk asked and you looked up, wiping your eyes as you did. Jeongguk cupped your cheek, eyes studying your face.

“You can’t come back yet. I will give you another chance, but I’m not ready for you to come home,” you said between hiccups. Jeongguk, blinking back his own tears, nodded. “Of course. Just tell me what I need to do,” he said. “I need you to leave,” you whispered.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” he asked and you nodded. Jeongguk led you over to the couch and sat you down, sitting on the coffee table in front of you. “Okay. I’ll go. Text me,” he said holding your hands. “Please,” he added and you nodded.

“I will. I promise,” you said and he gave you a faint smile. “I love you,” he said softly and you nodded. “I know,” you replied. Jeongguk’s parting gift was a kiss on the forehead before he left, shutting the door behind him.

You didn’t give him a second chance because he begged for it. You did it for yourself. If your relationship was salvageable, you needed to know. You still loved Jeongguk and he still loved you.

Deciding to open his text, you pulled out your phone and unlocked it. He had sent you dozens of messages. He was worried out of his mind and it showed.

Kookie [10/04]: baby please. we need to talk. I love you Kookie [10/04]: (Y/N) please. Just talk to me. I can't live without you. Don't withdraw from me. Talk to me. Kookie [10/05]: I miss you. Kookie [10/07]: Come back to me please. I love you. Kookie [10/22]: I need you Kookie [10/29]: please… Kookie [11/02]: please. Come back… Kookie [11/04]: it's been a month, (Y/N) Kookie [11/15]: I hope you're doing okay. Kookie [11/16]: baby please. Just tell me you're okay. Kookie [11/21]: please answer me Kookie [11/22]: it's snowing baby. I miss watching it with you like we used to… Kookie [11/29]: November is almost over. Kookie [12/04]: it's been two months, (Y/N) Kookie [12/10]: there's so much snow out, (Y/N) Kookie [12/12]: (Y/N) where are you? Why aren't you answering me? I'm getting worried. Kookie [12/15]: Just tell me you're safe please. Kookie [12/18]: I’m worried. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you…

Fresh tears rolled down your cheeks as you read through his messages. He really was worried about you and he never stopped checking in on you. You sent him a reply after he left.

You [22:26]: Goodnight Jeongguk Kookie [22:27]: Goodnight (Y/N). I love you.

You knew it wouldn’t be easy, trying again and starting over, given your history with him and what happened between the two of you, but you knew this was right. There would be fights, you were prepared for them. It would be hard to let go of the pain he brought you, but you loved him above everything else and despite everything, how he hurt you, how cold the apartment was in his absence, his visit brought something you hadn’t felt in months.

Warmth.

a/n: Yes, she forgives him and gives him another chance. Why? Because love is stupid and stuff. I hope this one pleases more than the last because I agree with that anon. The ending was crap. I rushed it and I could have spent more time on the ending. Oh well, live and learn. Thank you for reading! ~K♡

[eldritchsurveys]

428.

Do you get excited when you learn you have to dress up? >> I guess, yeah. I wear pretty much the same few things all the time, so it’s refreshing to be able to wear something different. But it can also be stressful because of, you know, dysphoria and shit. What brand of hair spray do you use? >> --- Do you like it when guys wear hats? >> I really have no opinion. Burger King, McDonalds or Wendys? >> I usually go for McDonald’s because their cheeseburgers are the neatest of the three, and they only put mustard and pickles on them. The Wendy’s restaurants around here make the sloppiest cheeseburgers, just too much mayo and ketchup everywhere, and the Burger Kings are just not as good either. Would you rather visit California or Flordia? >> It’s a real tossup. I think there’s something incredibly surreal about Florida as a whole and I really want to find out if that’s true, but I also think California could be fun to visit.

What’s your ideal first date? >> --- If you type for awhile, do your fingers start to hurt? >> Not at all. I guess because I’ve been typing since I was a child, so my fingers regard it as a natural thing to do (as opposed to a stressful thing). What do you smell right now? >> Pizza, because I haven’t put the pizza box in the fridge yet. Chinese or mexican food? >> Mexican. Can you play the drums? >> No. Are you the type of person who would study for a test for hours? >> I really am not. I have no patience or diligence for that kind of thing. All this Air in my chart really fucked me over when it comes to that, lmao. Are you a lazy person? >> No. I’m a person who sometimes has poor executive function, and a person who sometimes struggles to internalise the importance of doing certain unsavoury or boring things, and a person who has sensory difficulties that sometimes border on the neurotic. People who regard those facts as excuses will definitely try to label me “lazy”, but I refuse to insult myself because of the way I’m wired. I do my best with what I have. If you were an animal, what animal would you be? >> I mean, the canon answer is “a spider”. If you were an instrument, what would you be? >> A pipe organ. Do you hate when you’re in a good mood and one person ruins your mood? >> I don’t think of things like that. No one’s responsible for maintaining my mood but me. If I let someone else “ruin” my good mood, then that’s my problem. Are there any movies coming out that you’d like to see? >> I’m probably going to go see that Joker movie when it comes out. Because I’m in love with Joaquin Phoenix, or whatever. Shut up. Where do you buy your underwear? >> Whatever big-box store happens to have it in stock. Do you watch the show Switched at Birth? >> No. Do you hate the usual 100 questions surveys? EX: Eye color >> Sometimes. What’s worse: Rude people, two-faced people or fake people? >> I have a harder time dealing with someone who is being insincere than I do someone who is just rude.  Does your house have a doorbell? >> There’s a buzzer for this apartment. Do you know someone who has dropped out of high school? >> I used to. I don’t think anyone I currently know is a high school dropout. Can you juggle? >> No. Do you think you could run 3 miles right now? >> I can’t run 500 feet, dude. What color was the shirt you wore today before changing? >> I just wore a black undershirt, like usual. Does it freak you out when random people wave to you in public? >> I mean, that... doesn’t happen. Can you do the dougie? >> No. If you were to get a pet turtle right now, what would you name it? >> --- What’s your most hated commercial to watch? >> All of them, really. Can you do a handstand? >> No. What was the last thing you charged? >> My phone. Google Play Services had some kind of update within the last month that made it a complete and absolute battery hog, so now my phone constantly needs to be charged. I hope they fix it soon. Without looking, what time do you think it is? >> Quarter to seven. *looks* Oh, actually it’s quarter after seven. I tried. Favorite album? >> --- How many people named Josh do you know? >> No one, now. When you were younger, did you believe you could fly? >> No. Favorite farm animal? >> --- Have you ever been to a spa? >> Yeah. Has your Facebook ever been hacked? >> No. On a scale 1-10 how relaxed are you right now? >> I don’t know. I’m relaxed enough. Do you spell gray with an A or an E? >> An E, unless I’m talking about Dorian. What’s your favorite name that begins with B? >> --- How many of your friends on here are online? >> I don’t know. If your son said he was gay, how would you react? >> I literally don’t care what sexuality someone is, and anyone raised anywhere in my vicinity would know that. Apple cider or hot chocolate? >> Apple cider, 100%. If someone payed you $500 would you take a bath in milk? >> I doubt it. How many people have ever said you’re perfect? >> I don’t know, I wouldn’t remember shit like that because it’s so unrealistic that I assume it means nothing. Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook? >> Tumblr is the only site of the three that I still use. Do you enjoy having time to yourself? >> Absolutely. Can you do a cart wheel? >> Yeah. How many apps do you have on your phone/iPod? >> Way too fucking many, because there are a lot of baked-in apps that I just can’t delete. :| Do you like Ed Sheeran? >> No. Can you do ballet? >> No. When you were a teenager, did you used to say “I hate this house!”? >> I don’t recall ever saying that. Would you rather become an author or teacher? >> An author. Are you ever jealous of your best friend? >> --- How many people are you currently texting? >> Zero. Anything exciting coming up? >> Not in the very near future. What numbers does your password on here have? >> --- This time tomorrow, what will you be doing? >> I should be at Cafe Boba. Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? >> Either is fine. Have you ever been inside a recording studio? >> Yeah. Would you rather visit Mars or Neptune? >> Er... I mean, whichever one is most feasible to visit, which I assume would be Mars. I don’t think we even know how to make suits to withstand the environmental conditions of a planet that far away from the Sun... (do we?) Do you have Instagram? >> No. Does it bother you when people keep talking to you and you want to leave? >> Yeah, but nine times out of ten I just... make my exit. Have you ever texted a landline phone by accident? >> No. Does that even work? Have you ever spoken to a detective before? >> No. Do you like quotes about love or life better? >> Er... Do you have any quotes on your bedroom walls? >> No. What color is your garage? >> I don’t know, actually. I don’t think it’s painted on the inside. Have you ever played laser tag? >> No. Have you ever been to Cedar Point? >> No. How are your grades this year? >> --- Do you think you have a good singing voice? >> Sure. Do you like it when people give you compliments? >> I mean, sure. But it’s not necessary or anything. Do you crack under pressure? >> Not usually. Was your hair straight today? >> It never is. Do you believe in ghosts? >> No. Do you ever share things on Facebook? >> --- Do you pick out your outfits for the next day the night before or the AM? >> Considering how compact my wardrobe is, it’s really not difficult for me to just grab some clothes in the moment. I don’t have to plan my outfits or anything. Do you wear earrings? >> Yeah. Do you think Hershey chocolate is the best? >> No. What do you have first period? >> --- Do people depend on you too much? >> No. Have you ever been in love? >> Jury’s still out on that. I’m going to go with “probably not”. Do you hate being sad? >> Yeah, it’s not great. I get impatient with myself when I’m sad. But on the flip side, I get to be coddled by Can Calah for a while, so it’s not all bad. Is anyone you’re close to in the hospital right now? >> No. Do you have any cuts on you right now? >> No. Do you like Steve Carell? >> I have no opinion on him. Is your wifi protected? >> Yeah. What did you have for lunch today? >> I only had two meals today. How often do people write on your Facebook wall? >> --- Does your phone have a cover on it? >> Yeah, just a black rubber case. What color was your swim suit this year? >> --- How many bedroom does your house have? >> Two. Would you go swimming if it was 65 degrees out? >> I don’t go swimming, period. Favorite flavor of popsicle? >> --- Do ladders scare you? >> Not usually. Would you ever lie about your past? >> I can’t imagine why I would want to, but who knows. Hot dogs or hamburgers? >> Hamburgers. Do you have any pictures of you and your friends in your bedroom? >> No. 

[caffeinated-mistake]

i forgot how hard the opening scene slaps I don't know the name of the Big Ben song but it's fucking amazing (is it called Shake it London or is that just a rlly good line.... who's to say)

I still hate Vijay so much. like, it's good that he breaks it off in person and before the actual day and doesn't just enter an unhappy marriage... I guess. ...but he's still a fucking asshole. I hate him and his stupid glasses.

not me crying because Rani's crying

the absolute disgust for the dipped in sugar line is hilarious. the audacity of this man. THE HEART BALLOONS. THE GALL.

props to chintu for being completely accurate to shit my little brother thinks are really funny jokes.

Rani's grandmother has the sagest wisdom. her entire family is so supportive it's amazing. her dad's immediate response just being to let her go on the "honeymoon" because she wants to and needs to be away is really sweet. the fact that she says it isnt "necessary" then the next scene in the car makes me have so many emotions.

the song for the plane scene wow. just wow.

the fading of the wedding mehndi is a whole theme I could write paragraphs about so let's just say rn that it's good as hel and leave it at that.

VIJAYLAXMI I LOVE YOUUUUUU

"please don't tell my boss I have sex in guest room" *stares in confused toothbrushing*

"poor thing. she looks so sad. maybe my hat will improve this" *random drunk girl places party hat on Rani*

the entire running away from the Eiffel Tower scene is so camp and I love it

"it rains in India too" it sure does sweetie

Rani is crying in the club and it's a mood

ALL THE STAGES OF GRIEF IN THE CLUB

climbing on the bar for the Bollywood song!!!

oop right back to crying in the club. VIJAY STILL AN ASSHOLE IN THE FLASHBACKS but now she realizes he's an asshole and she can do whatever she wants and I'm not crying ur crying. side note: the mehndi is fading more in the club scene where she works thru all her emotions and embraces just being herself and having fun Vijay be damned it's amazing.

Vijaylaxmi taking Rani shopping is the same energy of my gf going thru my clothes everytime I visit and asking "where's the sexy outfits tho?" "you have so many tshirts"

Rani trying to tell the santa-banta joke to confused Parisians is me infodumping about my interests to confused and scared acquaintances.

vijaylaxmi blowing a kiss and blowing out the candles over a Skype call (somehow) is the most hilarious fuckin thing

"may his face melt" me too aunty's mom I hope Vijay suffers

return of the Eiffel Tower but this time as a friend. Vijaylaxmi is the superior Vijay I will not be taking questions.

swapping clothes with new friends before leaving town is beautiful

THE GREY FILTER ON THE TRAIN RIGHT AFTER VIJAY CALLS <3

HERE THEY COME

the Amsterdam trio

im so jazzed

the fake phone call is relatable but camp and hilarious

*opens the door out of suspicion* lmao

them all sleeping outside in the hallway so she doesn't feel uncomfy is the sweetest thing

*Rani: puts bra on under blanket steadfastly not making eye contact* *Oleksander: is visibly impressed*

taka .... tragic backstory unlocked.... soon

Rani absolutely destroying the Italian man's food's lack of seasoning is hilarious

all of them climbing onto the top bunk with Rani to escape the dreaded lizard: peak comedy

found family can be you, your crazy Paris friend, and the three idiots who adopt u in Amsterdam.

fourway language barriers ayyyyy

church? I think u meant casino. Rani being great at gambling gives me life

Rani explaining things in the sex shop as regular everyday non sex things is fucking hilarious

busking with Tim is an adorable scene I wish there was more of it Guithob Joseph is rlly good on the guitar.

making art against the oil satellite wars ... Oleksander gets more and more right about everything

this Italian restaurant man is so rude but has some good points make this man a motivational speaker. "u think u know food, fuckin prove it" (paraphrased)

lmao they took her to the red light district I forgot they took Rani to the red light district

we support sex workers in this house. decriminalization, allowing the workers themselves to control their business, and offering actual protections for sex workers is the hill I will die on.

vijay is so consistently rude and unsupportive in the flashbacks oof

oh gods no takas tragic backstory please no protect this man. "taka is alone?" "no, he has us." followed by the video of her pre-wedding party... and taka cheering her up. the hug. FOUND FAMILY PROTECTS AND LOVES

I'm sobbing thru the chef scene

"they don't know that a cooker is" absolute depression of these people not knowing what a pressure cooker is lmao

"too spicy ur trying to kill me" ... a few mins later "hello I want another one"

Italian man cannot handle spice he literally said "mamma Mia" and am I a bad person that my first response was to sing "here we go again" cue the most violent of kisses ... she did her best. "only for India" I'm dying I forgot how funny this movie is

ew vijay gross get lost

Vijay: immediately tries to control Rani, shame her, and isolate her from her friends, physically tried to force her to leave

the trio: kick ass. "queen, do you need help" my heart <3 "this is personal" MY HEART </3(oh no... our table... its broken)

"this writing is like leaving a part of your soul" flash forward to taka leaving his parents photo and Rani her wedding invitation..... I'm sobbing.

Rani being so completely over Vijay in the cafe scene, being her own person and such a badass... this is my shit I love this shit

Vijay immediately bad mouthing the trio and being an ass and her visible disgust is great

THE ROCK SHOW REUNION (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

and then saying goodbye ಥ_ಥ

HELL YEAH LEAVE HIS ASS Vijay can suck it he's such a jerk

THE END CREDITS SLIDESHOW SHOWING THE AMSTERDAM TRIO AND RANI KEPT IN CONTACT MADE ME CRY AGAIN DAMMIT

in summary this is an amazing movie and everyone should watch it

Ok but Queen (2013) didn't have to slap that hard but it d i d.

Fuckin took me out back and cured my depression.

Rani (Kangana Ranaut) was absolutely beautiful and powerful and she fuckin took charge and explored her own happiness and the Amsterdam trio were little shits but I love them so much and I wish there was a sequel so I can see if Rani opened her own restaurant and her roommates (Mish Boyko, Jeffrey Chee Eng Ho, Guithob Joeseph) and Vijayalakshmi (Lisa Haydon) can come visit and I just want to see her happy and living her best life without that asshole Vijay always talking down to her and gaslighting her.

Is that too much to ask