#and literally use it to hurt trans people

[sertralineman]

not to turn this blog into a discourse blog, but like, i gotta get this out of my head. so warning for everyone who doesn't feel up to it, looong opinion post ahead.

i just read someone saying that "t*nny" is a transfem-exclusive slur, and that transmascs "shouldn't reclaim it or say it hurts them, too". excuse me but what.

i'n a trans man. i have been called a trnny more times than i can count. all people who have called me that knew that i was a trans man, not a trans woman. all of those people used the exact same language they use for trans women.

i've heard/read people claiming that some forms of opression are transfem-exclusive before, and y'know, i was even ready to agree on some of those, but when i learned what their examples are, i realized that i have experienced nearly all of those things first-hand.

being called a pervert? i was, too. thrown out of any bathroom you walk into? all the time. getting violent threats? me too.

yes, small differences exist, but the talking points are still the same. it's literally the same people saying those things, too.

with all the kindness in the world: i need some people in the trans community to log off for a second and see how the world looks like. we are really not different at all. we are a community for a reason.

not to mention, the important conversations about systems of opression can, and should, coexist. i am a man so i don't have a say in the conversation about transmysogyny, but i deserve to talk about the opression i face, too. that does not invalidate or erase your struggles at all; tell you more, it amplifies our voices, emphasizes our points, both on transfem and transmasc ends.

i love my trans sisters, and i really don't get why some people think we shouldn't stand united. we fight for the same thing because all systems of opression reinforce each other and are all rooted in the same bigotry. any trans man with even a shred of common sense realizes that transphobia, any form of transphobia, stems from patriarchy. we fight the same fight. we can either unite, fight it together, and live, or stay divided and lose.

[gibbearish]

"can bi nbs say dyke" "can trans men say tranny" "can this specific identity reclaim this slur" ENOUGH !!! ALL that matters is whats in your heart when you say it. is there love for your community or is there hate for people not like you. are you saying it to hurt someone or to give a hurtful thing new love-filled meaning. theres your answer.

terfs are finding this now so just to head this off at the pass my tranny ass will not be debating you, you are going to be instantaneously blocked so you may as well save us both the trouble of typing out whatever long rant youre planning about how im an evil transsexual betraying the community by daring to call myself a faggot or w/e. also go fuck yourself

edit 2: hey terfies do you think perhaps that the fact you had to block me before purposefully starting fights with randos in my replies says something about the kind of people you are? do you think that's the kind of thing good people do? can you look yourself in the eyes and genuinely tell me that deep down you don't know that if you constantly have to lie and infiltrate and block evade to harass people, that just means youre a shit person? can you with a straight face say that doing these kinds of things actually feels morally sound, that there's no tiny sliver of yourself in there that knows youre acting like a piece of shit all the fucking time which is why everyone leaves you when they find out about your beliefs? could you honestly tell me that a person who acts like that is good, and that behaving like this actually makes you feel like you're adding something positive to the world? or is it just the rush that comes with punching a wall in rage?

you harass trans people for the same reason parents beat their children: it feels good to hurt other people when youre mad. it feels good to take your anger out on someone else. and so you find people you can hurt and you convince yourself youre doing it because theyre stronger than you, that youre fighting back, you punch and you punch and you keep punching on and on forever. because that anger is addicting and trans people have always and WILL always exist, so we will always be available as a target.

look at the way youre behaving and ask yourself if this is what you want to be doing with your life. and google the signs of a high-control group. and if youre going to be a piece of shit in my replies then at least don't be a major fucking coward about it. unless youre literally 12 you should not be arguing like a middle schooler starting fights about steven universe. grow the fuck up and get real problems

[leoninekelter]

Idk if you want to change literally nothing about yourself, not even your pronouns, and just identify differently i still consider you trans. Literally doesn't matter to me. It hurts more trans people to exclude people who are happily identifying as trans than it benefits. You use she/her and like pink and skirts but also like being agender? Idgaf welcome to the club. I love you

[canideformed]

Can perisex trans bootlickers stop claiming that “sex is real, it’s gender that’s fake” or saying that trans people can’t change our sexes “but we’re still our genders” or arguing that your AGAB is inherently anything beyond a singular event in your past, or whatever?

These beliefs harm all sex variant people. I know some trans people may be comfortable not altering their physical sex, but that doesn’t mean the ones who do aren’t literally changing their sex.

Gender affirming surgeries and care were called “sex change” procedures for a reason. This novel re-definition of “sex” as being strictly chromosomes is a transphobic and intersexist response to the increased visibility of trans people. The line of thought was “well, I don’t want them to be able to change their sex! So I’m going to re-define sex as something we can’t (yet) change,” as well as, “well, I want to enforce the sex binary on intersex people, so I’m going to create a system to be able to force them into binary boxes based on whether or not they have a Y chromosome.”

Stop enforcing the sex binary. It is a bigoted concept and it hurts people. Stand by your intersex and transsexual siblings and don’t let us be erased.

[atomicapplebees]

Never have I seen someone's idea of misogyny so fucked as when they come at trans men to say that "men and people aligning themselves with maleness have a responsibility to understand the potential they have to hurt women." No one else has that responsibility or potential, apparently. It blossomed within you the moment you decided to call yourself a man.

It fucking bothers me how misogyny has been watered down into "individual men oppressing individual women."* It's not a societal problem that literally every one of us internalizes. It's not something weaponized against anyone perceived as a woman or even too feminine. It's the default state of people who identify as men.

If they can even admit that women can internalize misogyny, or weaponize it to empower themselves, or that men can also be targeted, it's not as bad I mean different (and barely worth mentioning).

Are we actually concerned with societal misogyny or do we want to pretend there's a singular Source so we don't have to think about it. Wait don't answer that.

*edit: I believe "every" would be more accurate than "individual", though the blame for societal misogyny is being put on individual trans men in this case

[punishedgwyndolin]

transfem: it’s kind of unfair that transmisogyny is so normalized and seen as default and okay that I can’t talk about the (trans)misogyny and harm I experience from the lgbt community and other trans people without a bunch of people coming out of the woodwork to say it’s impossible for them to hold any kind of power of me and that im evil

most well adjusted trans guy: You know what? Fuck this. Fuck you. I’m not going to fall for your manipulations you stupid bitch. As someone who was born as a female and misogynistically grew up with society’s pressures and expectations to be a woman (femalely), I’ve always had to stand up for myself. You are literally killing us by saying you’ve been hurt and wish that people would challenge and grow past their transmisogyny. Saying trans men can access some male privilege is intentional, brutal violence. You wouldn’t get this but I learned as a teenage girl to be resilient, that I don’t have to listen to hysterical cunts like you. I won’t detransition just because you think boys are gross or whatever, filth.

[genderqueerdykes]

the fact that some people genuinely believe that amab enbies don't exist literally hurts my brain because the first trans person i ever met IRL was a transfemme agender person. last summer i met an AMAB masc nonbinary person who used he/they pronouns. now that I've been going to queer spaces IRL, I've met so many different kinds of amab non binary people; masc, femme, doesn't matter. if you actually interact with the trans community at large you'll find that we are just as diverse as any other group of people. folks viewing nonbinary as a white afab person phenomenon have had their perspective tinged by their extremely closed off internet circles where they can pick and choose what narratives they adopt without any correction from an external source

[tr1ppykay]

takes like these show such an immense lack of any attempt at meaningful understanding of transmasculine perspectives and experiences that it genuinely makes my head hurt. like you do realize there is a difference between not FEELING pressured to do something, and not EXPERIENCING pressure to do something, right? of course you do, but you read a few personal posts about transmascs experiencing euphoria and made a bad faith generalization on our entire social position.

sure, transmascs may feel less pressure to be attractive as personal affirmation of our masculinity. but a misogynistic society at large still continues to pressure us to be attractive and feminine. of course it is born from misogyny, but like we have been screaming for YEARS, we are still affected by misogyny.

a huge proponent of the targeted violence towards us is demonizing the effects of physical transition- about how transitioning makes us ugly (which OOP directly contributes to in this post) and ruins our value in womanhood to the potential men who want to fuck and marry and impregnate us. trans men are correctively assaulted to feminize us, largely because our oppressors see us as "deviant women who must be fixed by forcing us back into femininity, and eventually beauty." there is a literal book titled "irreversible damage" that outlines how we are "coerced into destroying our beautiful fertile bodies."

i have heard countless stories of transmascs seeking physical transition who were equally denied, because a psychiatrist deemed them as currently attractive women in their prime, who must have their value to the patriarchy preserved at all costs.

and ultimately, if despite all of this, we continue to reject white supremacist feminine beauty standards and find joy in our transition, a misogynist society that believes we have no value outside our current or potential attractiveness thinks we would be better off dead, lest we tempt other women to abandon ship.

transmascs are not your enemies! we are not experiencing wildly different things! i promise you that trans people across the spectrum will always have far more shared experiences than unique ones!

i am reaching out my hand to you, so we can stand taller and stronger against the white supremacist patriarchal pressure placed upon us both. will you reach back and grab it, or push me to the ground in an attempt to escape and save yourself?

[anti-sexist-enban]

“Feminism isn’t for everyone! Stop coddling men!”

Honestly? The people I’ve actually been having to coddle lately are the cis women saying these things. Literally all I have been saying is that excluding men from feminism and openly hating them, openly considering them the enemy for the way they were born, hurts the feminist cause in addition to hurting men.

But over and over again I have to hold these cis women’s hands and walk them through the very very basics of feminism, all while reassuring them “it’s okay, I’m not blaming you, I’ve been hurt and traumatized by men too, you aren’t responsible for this.” Meanwhile they’re calling me a dirty evil man who sees all women as walking babymakers who need to serve and tend to men (not even exaggerating, unfortunately), when I’m not even a man in the first place.

In reality, men are not causing harm by existing, while these cis women are genuinely causing harm by openly despising them. I’ve seen how many trans guys refuse to come out, delay their transition, or detransition (as I very nearly did myself) because of man-hating sentiments and people refusing to see that we are affected by sexism. This harms cis men, and it also harms trans women and transfems who get seen as men (either by transphobes or because of how they’re perceived, including closeted trans women/fems). Additionally, it hurts the feminist cause and fight against sexism to drive away half the population from supporting us.

At this point, these folks can talk to the wall, I am not arguing anymore. I will leave that vital work to those with more energy and patience for it than I currently have after being called a misogynist so many times. I will continue to engage in feminism, but I will focus on antisexism first and foremost.

[genderkoolaid]

You don't get the right to compare people refusing to call you it/it's to actual transphobia. This take is so chronically online and divorced from actual reality it hurts to see. are you dysphoric from people not calling you it/it's? No. It hurts you in no way besides not receiving the attention and validation from an identity you created for yourself. Honestly though if you want to use it/it's with people who actually consent to using them for you then great! Just don't force it on people. This pronoun is inherently dehumanizing so it makes sense that it would make people uncomfortable (we literally only use it for objects, and me personally i dont even like using it for animals) Your experience is very different from a trans women or trans man, so have some respect and stop pretending you're oppressed for this.

[least-transmcytshowdown]

Rue:

Submitted for: Skyblock Kingdoms

Headcanons: Identity not specified, pronouns not specified

Propaganda: “Her whole character arc is a metaphor for being trans! She realized she wasn't who she was told she was and then chose her own name and made friends who saw her as HER! They're so special and wonderful and transgender!!”

“[The submitter] LITERALLY INCLUDED HER IN A PAPER [they] WROTE BECAUSE SHE IS SO TRANS.”

“Rue is not just textually trans, with she/they pronouns, she is ALSO a trans allegory! That's TWO trans aspects!”

“Rue is LITERALLY a trans allegory! They have a whole arc about realizing people are viewing them as the wrong person, creating a new identity, being hurt by that confusion, being lied to and told they need to act a certain way for people to like them.... THEYRE A CLONE OF A GUY WHO USES ALL PRONOUNS. THEY USE SHE/THEY PRONOUNS! THEY WERE TRAGICALLY KILLED BY THEIR ORIGINAL'S WIFE (possessed) AND DESERVE A WIN!!”

BigBSt4tz2:

Submitted for: Evo SMP, Third Life, Last Life, Double Life, Limited Life, Secret Life, Wild Life

Headcanons: Trans man, he/they

Propaganda:

“The vibe. They're so trans man coded. Like he would use a binder in the life series and, like, for example, Pearl would help him with it in Limited life, or Ren would help them cut their hair in Double life if he felt like being less gender ✨ He's just so trans man 😩 VOTE BIGB.”

“HE CAN BE ANY GENDER YOU'D WANT DUE TO CREATIVITY. I'VE SEEN MANY MAKE BIGB TRANSFEM OR NONBINARY!!!! YOU CAN EVEN MAKE HIM XENOGENDER OR USE NEOPRONOUNS FOR FUN.“

“C!Bigb being trans is so important. His character is very ambiguous (to [the submitter]. At least.) due to the hidden secretive nature of himself, he hides the lies, he masks his weirdness sometimes [which] can be a metaphor for a trans person not wanting to come out (also autism)((proof is [they’re] trans and autistic and [they] do this stuff)). You can color pick a makeshift trans flag from his mc skin also.”

“Every (Life) series, he changes up a lot of himself for whatever he's doing. This seems like he can't decide what exactly he is and is trying to rebrand himself as a different type of person every time, which tends to be something [the submitter has] noticed in a few trans people. The lack of clarity of who they are is definitely very genderfluid coded. It could also go for his character throughout the life series being a system, with each new series being someone else. [Their] main evidence for this is Terry (from Last Life). It can also go for being transmasc on some level because of how easy it was for him to be that character!”

“BigB's username literally has t4t in it. He's not cis [the submitter’s] sorry.”

Ethoslab:

Submitted for: Hermitcraft, Third Life, Last Life, Double Life, Limited Life, Secret Life, Wild Life

Headcanons: Agender, they/them; Transfem, she/her; Nonbinary, he/they/she; Nonbinary, they/he/it; Identity not specified, ladder/ladderself

Propaganda: “[The submitter] just think[s] she deserves boobies. [They] think they would be good for her. And also it's because [they] understand the way the universe flows and the nature of all things.”

“[Quote from Etho:]‘I’m ice man also, also the ice Queen […] yep, yep both in one.’ Etho has compared himself to a pretty girl before. ‘That’s me on the inside, beautiful, but on the outside it’s just this.’ (He’s talking about Falsesymmetry’s hermit head, a female head). Bigender, genderfluid, or genderqueer Etho trust trust trust.”

“T4T cletho. They’re both nonbinary and divorced (in an active relationship) and take turns on who's the ex wife and who's the ex husband.”

“When [the submitter] first joined hermitblr, [they were] genuinely confused about Etho’s gender for a bit because of the sheer amount of people on here that she/her him. [They] love it. Live your dreams.”

“Etho (ftm) but can be feminine. [The submitter] think[s] his vest is equal to the famous oversized trans hoodie (but with style).”

[genderqueerdykes]

as an intersex trans wo/man, i've noticed that unfortunately it has become painfully obvious that not only do radfems and terfs try to abuse trans men into falling in line with their beliefs, but unfortunately, this happens to trans women and transfemmes as well. i've unfortunately seen several trans women fall down the the "men evil, women innocent, trans men have cis male privilege, trans men don't struggle, trans men aren't men or trans they're just confused butches," pipeline really quickly after transitioning or their eggs cracking, and it's not necessarily that transfem's fault, but rather an abusive person sweeping in to take advantage of someone who needs and wants validation in feeling like a woman. the person who put the terf ideals in their head during this crucial stage in development is to blame, it is not inherently the trans woman's fault.

vulnerable transfems and trans women become indoctrinated into these things. trans women and fems are not inherently bitter, shitty, hateful people. it's a select few who become groomed by radfems who push this belief, and push it hard, because that's what you do when youve been indoctrinated into a cult. it's not an issue inherent to trans women and transfeminism at all- it's vulnerable people being groomed. this is a serious issue of trans women and fems being groomed and brainwashed.

this is a huge deal and we have to stand up for each other, because the transfems getting groomed into this need support and help to get out of this cult. it is not okay for women who are just trying to find their footing to almost instantly get sucked up into a literal hate group. we have to help trans people who become indoctrinated into gender essentialism, antimasculism, and transandrophobia just as much as we help other trans people unlearn transmisogyny. these issues are both damaging our community on the whole.

radfems are aggressive and will try to indoctrinate anyone they can into antimasculism, transandrophobia, and gender essentialism. a lot of trans women in the early stages of transition really want to be validated as women and such, will become groomed by these groups of cis women who will gladly feed them toxic ideals like women can never be wrong, women are always innocent, men are always harmful and evil, it just benefits the radfems, not the trans woman. this behavior grooms yet another person into spreading radfeminism without realizing it. when one espouses these beliefs they become a spokesperson for radfeminism and terfism

i'm plain tired of seeing this argument, because it is nothing but gender essentialist binarist bullshit:

"transphobia is worse for trans women than trans men because of x, y, z."

its not worse. its different. but equal.

i understand that many folks have not lived the life a trans man leads, but whenever you try to speculate on what it's like, you will always be wrong, no matter what, because you weren't in that person's shoes. it's impossible to see the nitty gritty of how a specific group of people are treated unless you are that person or spend lots of time around large groups of those types of people. trans men face homelessness at a disproportionately high rate compared to other groups of queer folk. we also deal with forced detransition. we deal with being dehumanized by she/her pronouns. we deal with having lesbianism and butchness weaponized against us. we also deal with sexual violence. we also deal with physical, mental, and emotional abuse. we deal with gaslighting, lying, being robbed, abandoned, injured and killed. its virtually impossible to find support if you're a pregnant trans man.

trans men have a lot of unique struggles. this is not a comprehensive list, but rather to show you that ALL trans people struggle. we are united under the same banner of transphobic treatment. we are struggling, but we are struggling together, and we can uplift each other without tearing each other down. punching down on another trans person hurts us all.

belittling the trauma of other trans people is a form of queer infighting that terfs want you to do in order to fracture our community further. queer infighting doesn't help anyone whatsoever. trans men do not have it harder than trans women. trans women do not have it harder than trans men. amab and afab and intersex enbies don't have it worse than each other. these are all completely different and unique struggles that deserve to be acknowledged for what they are. you cannot use the same scale of severity for a totally different problem.

people love to completely gloss over the issues trans men face for the sake of believing that all men benefit from patriarchy. saying that trans men are not affected by specific kinds of transphobia is spreading the radfem belief that only women struggle under patriarchy. queer men, men of color, intersex men, gay men, bisexual men, trans men, polyamorous men, genderfluid men, bigender men, gender non conforming men, feminine men, men who crossdress, disabled men, neurodivergent men, mentally ill men, and other marginalized men suffer under patriarchy as well.

i'm not tolerating radfem gender essentialism being woven into queer ideals anymore. this behavior has to go. when you genuinely believe these things, we all lose.

[plaidos]

the way u are forced to prevaricate and reassure while talking abt d20 and people are still handwringing abt it. like can we not simply acknowledge when something could be better without having to bend over backwards to make sure we don't point fingers. tbh i don't like that they're doing hp pastiche full send. if i were at that table i would feel icky!

it’s really frustrating. people are so transmisogynistic that they are incapable of see a trans woman advocate for herself without assuming we’re being aggressive and “targeting” somebody — it’s the same dismissive language you see used to describe other minorities simply noticing that they’re treated differently. i like Dropout! i like the people who work at Dropout! i like these comics so much that it hurts my feelings that they would block me because i posted that a show they’re on should have a trans woman on too! i didn’t even tag anybody i literally just put it in the tags for the shows. really frustrating!!

[doberbutts]

Also it's inch resting that a TERF will swing at me and say that I'm not allowed to call myself black because I'm mixed race and thus too lightskinned to be black, and when I say "wtf are you talking about of course I'm fucking black", now there's an anon calling me "colorist" while said TERF is complaining to her TERF friends that the big mean trans man told her to fuck off.

It's almost like this site has a transphobia problem and uses literally any amount of ammo possible to hurt trans people, including ammo from clearly bad faith sources.

[pinbones]

"Trans men experience sad little erasure and trans women experience horrific violence"

Both experience both dumbass. Why is "transmascs never experience the full range of transphobia" such an accepted belief when it's literally horseshit?

How many transmascs need to be hurt before people will believe us? Why is everyone so quick to insist the usual transmasc experience is "nothing" when so many transmascs are saying otherwise???

[aptericia]

Not proud to be here.

--

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

--

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.