#and literally if you have identified as one thing your whole life good for you. sincerely

[iamthedukeofurl]

One thing I've noticed that defines American Conservatism as a whole is a sort of...competitive mindset when it comes to life choices. Like, there's a desire to live an Objectively Correct life, which they, naturally, define as their OWN life. Religion is certainly deeply ingrained in this, but I believe the impulse begins with the desire to self-identify their own lifestyle as "Correct", and religion enters the picture primarily as a way to identify all "Competing" lifestyles as "incorrect". For those of us old enough to remember when Gay Marriage was a big debate in the country, there was strong opposition from the right. The clearest opposition was in plain religious terms, being gay bad, therefore society should not condone it. But there was another argument that was thrown around, one which was repeated often, but never made sense to those who were not making it. "If Gay people can get married, Straight marriage is worthless". The term "Protection" was used a lot in this context, "Protecting" the institution of marriage from gay people. And looking back on that in context of the intervening decade, something finally clicked for me. Some people are uncomfortable with the idea that there are multiple "Correct" ways to live. They can be perfectly happy and content with their life, but the idea that there are alternatives out there makes them uncomfortable because it introduces the idea that they might be wrong. It's not that homophobes in straight marriages are repressed homosexuals who wish they could have gotten gay married instead, it's that being presented with somebody who is different than you, but still lives a thriving, happy life shatters the comforting certainty that you have been Correct. Key to this idea of Correctness is consequences for disobedience. That's why so many conservative policies are needlessly anti-empathetic and cruel. The assumption is that if you live the correct life, you receive the rewards of comfort, and if you deviate from that, you suffer. Homelessness must exist as a threat to those who deviate from the standard of the protestant work ethic (nevermind that wealth and work ethic rarely correlate in reality). Sickness must exist as a threat to those who deviate from the standard of health (nevermind...literally everything about that statement). The horrors of drug addiction and withdrawal must exist as a threat to those who cannot resist the temptation to do drugs (Nevermind...you get it). And Pregnancy must exist as a consequence for those who deviate from the standards of puritan sexual morality. If you have sex "Correctly", with your spouse in a place where you are at least open to the idea of having children, you would never need an abortion. Abortion is for filthy sluts who can't control their lustful impulses. If you lived a Correct Life, you wouldn't need an abortion. At the root of it all is a fear of uncertainty. From their perspective they made all the "Correct" choices and ended up in a good place, but those were not choices at all. They didn't "Choose" to be straight and cis, society told them they were by default and they didn't disagree. They didn't choose to be christian, they were raised as such, found comfort in their faith, and never questioned it. They took the path of least resistance and it worked out, why doesn't everybody do the same? Why do you want to make things so complicated and confusing? This WORKED. It worked for me, it worked for my parents and my friends. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking it's okay to make the wrong choices.

Here’s the thing I think conservatives don’t understand: I don’t care what someone else does with their own body.

You wanna get surgery or take medication to make you look a certain way? Okay. I don’t care

You wanna ctrl+alt+delete that clump of cells in your uterus. Sure. I don’t care.

You wanna use meds to block a natural aspect of your body’s system? Alright by me. I. Don’t. Care.

I don’t care because it’s not my body

“But what if they regret it?” So? Let them regret it. That’s their choice to live with.

“But what if that baby would have grown up to cure cancer?” Kinda short sighted on God’s part to only put that potential in one baby, yeah? (Also … you can’t cure cancer, but that’s a level of nuance for a different time)

“But what if they want to use that function in the future?” Funny thing about meds: you can just stop fucking taking them and things usually go back to normal.

I DON’T CARE WHAT ANOTHER HUMAN BEING DOES WITH THEIR OWN BODY! I don’t care 🤷‍♀️ it’s not my body so why should I have a say in it?

The choice is not “being left up to the states instead of the federal government”, it’s that the choice is being taken away from individuals.

Why the fuck to they care so much what other people do with their own shit??

[lususnatura]

🎤 🎤 🎤

a song that i associate with my muse meme!

AHH, hey, ramone!! thank you for sending in this prompt :D since you sent in three of the mic's, i shall now be treating you to three songs that make me think of blamore when i hear them / that i associate with it. an explanation of why i chose them will be in the tags <3

hozier - who we are.

icehouse - crazy.

depeche mode - personal jesus.

[evisxerate]

Ppl on Tumblr will really sit here and act like sexuality can't actively be flexible or change over time. like okay lmfao

[etherealkissed88]

★ the whole point of law of assumption is that you already have it ★

imagine that you manifested that desire a week or a month ago. whenever you think about that desire, you would go straight into the happy or calm state / assumption that it's yours already...because it is yours already.

lets say i want $500k right now. i would be planning which stores i want to go to and which clothes i want to buy. i would feel happy asf and i would feel that feeling of already having $500k. i dont care how or when it will manifest bc i already know its mine now. i would feel fulfilled with this already manifested desire which is now my reality.

"why is it that your reality already if it isnt in the 3d?"

reality = imagination. therefore if i imagine something and accept it as true, it is my reality no matter what the copy machine 3d shows me. whatever happens in imagination is what is really happening. imagination is my identity. i identify as the girl who has $500k. the 3d's job is only to copy and paste who i am in imagination (the real reality) so, imagination is the source/the reality. why would i care about it being in the 3d if i know by law that it will reflect? i would rather feel fulfilled as the source than wait for a copy machine to show me, god, what i desire. i would rather give it to myself.

if i already manifested that $500k a week ago, i would automatically be excited asf thinking about all the shit i already bought w that $$$ and thinking about what im going to buy. i would prob imagine going to the store and feeling that feeling of financial freedom. i would feel the happiness of looking at something in the store and immediately putting it in my cart with no issues bc I ALREADY MANIFESTED MY $500k

"feeling?"

feeling = knowing you have your desire

i would use whatever technique i want (visualization, affirming, scripting, etc). lets say i choose visualization: i would visualize walking to the store and feeling/knowing that i have all this money to spend. feeling doesnt mean emotions even though its fine that i naturally feel happy bc i know i have all this money. its also okay if i dont have any emotions or if i feel calm bc since i already have it, its normal to me to have $500k. do not force emotions. feeling does not equal emotions. i would then accept that visualization as true. i would decide/accept i have that $500k bc i just experienced the proof in the real reality, imagination. i would remind myself that whatever i assume/accept as true in imagination is reality, no matter whatever circumstances i see in the 3d.

"you got robbed of a huge sum of money. was that bad or good? well, let me ask you this: did it change the fact that your nature is being wealthy? no, it didnt. your identity, your I AM, is set in stone. its only your thoughts and your interpretation of your emotions and of the circumstances around you that distracts you from your Truth. whether you have millions in your bank account or literally 0 in savings, you ARE rich. you ARE wealthy. numbers do not define you. life does not define you."

i accepted that i have $500k already = i identify as the girl who has $500k. this is why the 3d never matters bc no matter what happens, i will always be the one who has it in imagination. "deny the senses" mean i shouldnt care about what the 3d shows me since imagination is the only reality. if my bank account shows me $0.50 instead of $500k, will i be sad and thinking that it didnt work? ofc not, i wouldnt give a fuck bc i still identify as the girl who already has $500k.

this is why knowing and fulfillment are important. i know i have $500k, i am fulfilled with that fact. whats important is the knowing: i know i have this desire because i just imagined it and imagination is the only true reality so imagining = experiencing.

"how do i know if im fulfilled?"

youve accepted the fact that its already yours. you dont care about the 3d and you dont get discouraged by it bc its already yours in imagination. you are not "trying" to get something that you already have. you naturally think thoughts/have beliefs that match with your state of having it.

to be fulfilled i simply decide i have it or visualize again for fun. since i already identified as the one who has $500k, any thoughts, doubts, circumstances that pass will not get any attention from me. i simply dont identify with them. i go back into imagination and remind myself of my real identity.

this is what law of assumption is: ASSUME YOU ALREADY HAVE IT! CREATION IS FINISHED. YOU ARE ALREADY IN BARBADOS. assume = accept something as final without [3d] proof. the only thing i should be accepting as final is having it in imagination.

if you already have it, how would you feel, what would you do, what would you think, what type of person would you identify as? visualize/affirm/script/etc. the point is that you already have it.

ASSUME IT AND ITS DONE. WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THAT FULFILLED DESIRE, KNOW IT ALREADY HAPPENED. YOU ARE IMAGINING/AFFIRMING TO REMIND YOU THAT IT BEEN HAPPENED! THATS YOUR CURRENT REALITY! NOT THE 3D.

its not "going to happen". the moment u imagined it/decided it/accepted it as true, it ALREADY HAPPENED. thats part of understanding that imagination is the only true reality. imagination is so limitless: you do anything, anywhere, instantly.

there should not be any "when is it going to happen?" since you just experienced it...thinking like that means you arent fulfilled. simply fulfill yourself again bc returning to the state aka making it natural for you is how it shows up in the 3d, its not about how long youve stayed in the state.

make imagination your dream world by giving yourself exactly what you want. know thats the truth, identify as the one in imagiantion who has it (the real reality/the real you) and ignore/dont accept anything that tells you otherwise. stay true to imagination.

@etherealkissed88

[cosmicdream222]

It’s not your fault you’re struggling, you were brainwashed by society

(A lil inspired rant)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・。.。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The capitalist society we live in is based around one thing: selling. I’ve taken marketing classes before and one of the first things they’ll teach you is the basic formula for advertising: Problem - Agitation - Solution.

Explained in simple terms:

Problem: Figure out what problems people have. They also call this “pain points”. In other words, figure out what’s causing people pain, what’s making them anxious/depressed/etc and focus on those problems.

Agitation: This means making the problem worse for people. Rub it in their faces that they’re struggling and suffering. Make their pain worse so they feel like they really need a solution.

Solution: Your product, obviously. Now you’ve gotten your target audience super upset about themselves, you give them the answer, in the form of spending money to buy whatever you’re offering.

Master this and you’ll become a fantastic salesperson - and a shitty human. Yet this is how society operates. Literally EVERYTHING is built to exploit our pain.

Now, this is problematic in many many ways, but specifically:

It’s causing you to focus on your problems, identifying with a state of lack, making you feel not good enough as you are right now.

It’s causing you to look outside yourself for answers, hoping that whatever the thing is will be the magic solution to all your problems, and keeping you in a deferred state (not having it yet).

Being born into this society means you’ve been exposed to these limiting beliefs your whole life. Parents, teachers, the media, advertising etc have constantly repeated the same stories of “you’re not good enough right now, “you need someone else to tell you what to do”, “you’ll be happy once you have this thing”, etc (in various different words)

It’s all BS created to make us feel powerless. It’s brainwashing, plain and simple. It’s also proof that the law of assumption works, “for an assumption, though false, if persisted in will harden into fact.”

So if you’re struggling right now, it’s not your fault, and you’re not alone. You were brainwashed into believing you are powerless and miserable. But now you know the law, it’s time to take your power back.

The real truth is: You are the creator. You are in control of your reality. You don’t need anyone else to tell you what to do. You don’t need to buy anything or consume any more info. You are powerful and you already have everything you need right now!

Persist in your new assumptions and your new story. They may feel uncomfortable and untrue at first, because your whole life you have been taught the opposite. Like when you get a new pair of shoes, it might take some time to break them in and make them feel natural, but eventually they will mold to your body and be so comfortable you won’t even notice.

Sending so much love ❤️

[thisdreamplace]

for those who struggle

i recently got sent an anon message about frustrations surrounding the law, and how non-dualism hasn't made it any easier for them, but actually just more frustrating to the point where they're officially walking away from everything and wanting to just go back to live as they knew it before any of this.

the truth is that, oversimplification runs rampant in this community. as well as, hiding behind the realities of how difficult it all can be, because people are afraid of affirming that it's difficult or identifying with difficulty... but when we hide from this experience and try to come off as if it doesn't affect us, while simultaneously trying to give out advice, there tends to be more damage than good happening. the oversimplifying isn't the fault of anyone, as the truth is most of this is simple. but in actually living it, it tends to not be simple at all. the ego will fight till the very end to keep things the way they are, even when they hurt us. and that is worth being honest about.

when it comes to non-identification and indifference, this is not meant to be used to as yet another way to pretend something isn't happening or push down your feelings or gaslight yourself. i see these posts like, "just ignore the 3d and don't identify with it and you would have already have what you wanted" ..... this doesn't actually really help anyone, unless you're a person who strives on that kind of mentality. but i think a lot of people need a little more gentleness and realness, otherwise this journey wouldn't have been so difficult and painful. we'd all just get it overnight, but clearly, this community stays extremely active for a reason. because the million ways its already been explained still leaves so many confused and frustrated.

indifference is a daily practice, and it is NOT one that includes pretending something doesn't exist in exchange for getting what you want. it is actually, the extreme opposite. it's by acknowledging what's there... and allowing that to be what it is. the non-identification comes in from how you choose to see YOURSELF in relation to whatever that thing is. "this is painful, this sucks, i hate it... but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better for me. it doesn't mean my life is doomed..." etc etc etc. it's this very small flip within yourself, that actually leads to results. not trying to force yourself into believing you aren't even who you are when you've identified as yourself this entire life. remember that god's name is I AM, and literally nothing else.

and doing something to get something else is just... not it. it's time for you to truly want to feel better, regardless of anything else. that's why so much of this starts to get trickier than it needs to be.

non-identification is literally as simple as realizing... you are bound to no past, and you have the opportunity of every future you can possibly imagine. why ? because non-identification is literally just non-attachment. when you're not attached to this idea of who you were, of the struggles you used to face, you're able to allow in different experiences. and y'all... this as simple as being able to say to yourself, "i am allowed to experience something new" and don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something new.

here's where it doesn't feel so simple though. how can you just stop identifying with this whole human self when the traumas of the past keep coming back to haunt you ? thats the thing. you don't just stop identifying with it. you let this be a process, a non-linear path to liberation. slowly, but surely, if you keep at it everyday, even when you feel you're only going backwards... one day you will realize how much more free you are. how much more easier it is to move into a new beautiful story for yourself, one that isn't contiminated by your past. but let today be today ! and whatever may come, let it come.

this is why just focusing on yourself is so helpful because if you're simply doing the best you can for yourself and your feeling state, the daily dramas are no longer your ruler.

the gag is that, the more you just do these small daily practices of sitting with yourself, choosing to not engage in the stories you used to identify with in the past, and allow new experiences to come to you... the more easy it gets, the more the truth of yourself begins to show itself on its own. you have to realize that the days are going to keep passing by anyway... so stop counting them, and just commit to yourself.

i also want to quickly note that so many seem to leave out the fact that behind all of this, within the pure nothingness that is also everything. behind our human identifications and all the things we have experienced in our lives, there is unconditional love. and when we actually begin to stop identifying so deeply with who we thought we are, we are lead right back to unconditional love. love in its purest form. so, use love as your guide when things get too difficult. it's the truest thing to who you really are.

you have to let allow yourself to experience the beautiful, despite how strange it may feel. because it's going to feel strange if you've never really experienced it before, and the ego is going to fight because even when it's good, the unknown is still strange and scary. and you never have to be perfect at this to get to experience the things you want, believe it or not. i know that i still have a long way to go on this journey, there may be much more time before i ever get to fully experience the promise in full, but that hasn't stopped me from experiencing the desires of my heart on a daily basis. that's because i used these simple things, these small little flips in how i chose to see life. even if the anxiety never went away, or it was a more difficult day full of tears... this is way more possible for you than you realize. if only you're willing to allow your life to be different than it's always been. just that small allowance, opens up all the doors.

xo dream 🕊

[galactic-rhea]

The thing is,,,,abuse doesn't have anything to do with intelligence or lack of confidence, though yes, a person with low self-esteem is an easier target for abusers, however that's what not I'm talking about.

Like I'm someone who doesn't like to take part in The Discourse (tm) because this is fandom, I'm here to talk about my favorite dolls and create silly scenaries with them. And it might feel a bit egregious to talk about something as delicate and serious as abuse, grooming or domestic violence but also it's the perfect playground to explore such themes and you can learn a lot by psychologically analizing a character and do your own research on the matter so you can understand abuse better, and sometimes that way you can also have a more critical view on real life, and for some of us, also come to terms with our own lives.

That said, back to my original point, it has nothing to do with intelligence. A person that falls into a cycle of abuse doesn't make them stupid, the whole deal of predators and abusers is that they know how to play their game, they know how to manipulate. A victim's mind will always try to cope with the abuse in ways that can be hard to understand sometimes in ways that will make you say 'well, that's enabling their abuser', but is not a statement on their intelligence or lack of it, abuse dynamics are extremelly complex, and victims will go through several states such a guilt, or violent outbrusts, fear, appeasing, avoidance, sometimes all sometimes just a few. And it's because no one is the same and no one's experiences will be the same, even though there are patterns you can identify sometimes.

So when someone wants to argue against a character being too smart to fall for abuse or manipulation, it's a bit sad to me. Not necessarily malicious or dangerous, or anything, again this is fandom and fandom runs rampant with whatever takes that makes all of us grimace. But because that's not how it works, if a certain dynamic isn't abusive by your pov, then it has nothing to do with the character's intelligence. It's not about being strong, or confident; that downplays how abusive dynamics come to be.

Like for example y'know I don't think padmé and anakin were abusive, I've made several posts about it, but it's not because they are too intelligent for that.

Likewise, Anakin wasn't stupid for being groomed by Palpatine; the contrary, he was quite literally a gifted child and a genius at mechanics and was good at many things, including drawing and strategies, but he fell for Palpatine's grooming because:

a) Palpatine is an evil top tier manipulator and predator who knows how to play adults, he literally knew how to play the jedi council, what was a 9 y/o going to do about it.

And b) Anakin's trauma and unattended mental illnesses made him an easier victim for grooming; he was already used to be a thing and be a servant from the moment he learned to talk.

But even if we weren't talking about someone as deeply messed up as Anakin was already, abusers and predators always will take advantage and exploit of the weaknesses and flaws on an individual, they will adapt and change their tactic according to the victim needs, that's why anyone could become a victim, it doesn't matter if your IQ is up there on the moon.

It's not about being too "stupid" to not realize there was abuse, it's a deep, complicated and terrible ensemble of thoughts and insecurities tangling around the brain in such a way that there's no a way to blame the abuser without feeling at fault, or at the very least without feeling scared of retaliation or lost, it's a power dynamic that messes up the sense of self.

[sehodreams]

Thinking about perv anton with his older girlfriend not even sex crazed he just has a bunny’s libido

Wanting to fuck her everywhere in every place in every position

Mouth tits thighs

And he seems like he can’t stop discovering kinks

Even when he’s hazy with a fever he lays in bed staring up at her with adoration as she’s taking of her clothes and that’s when it hit him a new kink didn’t even know it was a thing (then he googled it) her skirt came off and her hands reached for his forehead bending down to push his hair away “you’re still burning up” she says with a pout before straightening up again before her fingers looped through her tights about to take them off before he stopped her begging her to let him come on them and eat her through them

got too carried away feel free to ignore this 😵‍💫

-🍒

I was literally thinking about something like that for forgiving others is easy, forgiving yourself not that much (god why did I make a tittle so long), but the fever is such a nice touch I love it 😭🩷✨

I also got carried away too hahaha, this is just a little thought, no proof read like always.

Tw and tags: MDNI, no p in v, sniffing, tights, sexual content.

Anton eagerly waiting for you to come home, his older girlfriend and favorite person in the whole world, happy to finally see you when you arrive from your exhausting office life with one bag full of his medication in one hand and a takeout order for him in the other, there instead of on your own apartment just to check on your pretty boyfriend after a long tiring day.

You innocently move his hair and smile to him, asking him how he feels and he really feels like shit but now looking at you his mouth answers before he can even process it, "a lot better now that I have you with me", making you giggle and forget about all your stress.

You move to his closet so you can change into something more comfortable, feeling his eyes follow your every move but already used to it after so many days and nights together to even mind, you pull down your skirt without much thinking, trying to find something to wear so you can give him his dinner and his medicine so he can sleep the whole night.

Anton watches you bend down to choose one of his numerous t-shirts, feeling something tingling inside when he sees the nylon become more transparent with the sudden movement, showing your black panties through it and the plump of your ass, making his mind even more dizzy apart from the fever that was consuming him.

"Wait," he says before you pull down your tights too, "come for a second".

You walk to him unsure about what's going on but not daring to question him when he looks so weak in his bed all alone with red cheeks.

He, lying down, grabs one of your hands and looks up to you before his other hand rests on your hip, touching the fabric and pressing his fingers to see how your skin accepts his strength and lets itself be molded to his own desire.

"Anton..." you call his name, perfectly identifying the need in his eyes he always has when he wants something from you, "you're still sick."

"I just want to touch you a little bit," he says as if it was the most common thing to itch for a little touch in those moments when one is sick.

You try to move apart and not let yourself get dragged into his schemes, but you're weak to the handsome boy and his well used and known tactics to get what he wants. Still, q couple of kisses over the back of your hand, two sentences about how much he has missed you and one look at the red tip of his cock that he displays to you with no shame is enough for you to open your legs and let him push his nose into the softness of your thighs.

He slowly sniff the aroma of the nylon, it wasn't the best one, but the feeling of the tip of his nose caressing it makes his cock jump and a knot in his stomach starts to form with every touch until he finds your clothed cunt and his eyes almost roll back his head with how good you smell there and how different the sensation of his nose sinking into your lips is.

Like instinct, you've been getting wet the second you crossed his door. There hasn't been a single night with that boy in which you haven't been fucked in his bed until you've been a crying mess and he had continued thrusting even when his groans have become whimpers and his cock has already filled you so much his cum is spilling over the bed with each push, so your body had started, at some point in your relationship, to sent a signal to your core everytime you were there in his space, ready for him to take you.

Anton had a sex drive you had never seen before, sometimes a bit disturbing considering how much he likes to overstimulate himself, not only while fucking into your cunt, but begging for you to sit on his face or directly ride his clothed cock until he came inside his pants and a wet spot appeared making you stop before he got hard again and asked you to continue. It's needless to say that you always walked out of there a bit sore, but so satisfied you never felt the need to sit and question why he was like that.

You're back into reality when his flat tongue starts to damp the clothing covering your clit waiting for the usual sensation of him directly playing with it, but you can't seem to enjoy it when your poor boyfriend is sweating out his fever and is down on his knees. A place in your heart stings and you want to ask him to lie and rest comfortably once again, however, knowing him, he'd rather stay burning up with his face against your pussy until he fainted than letting you go after noticing how your juices accumulated under your panties.

As if he was high, he has lost eyes and doesn't seem to have a single thought inside his head apart from getting what he wants from you, and even if the pressure of his big nose under you it's good, it's nothing like the sensation of him drowning with your slick and his tongue thrusting inside your hole.

You moan his name, wanting to feel him eat you out properly, but looking down at him you see him so satisfied sniffing and suffocating with your pussy over the tights while jerking off his cock that you decide to just let him get what he wants so he can find his release and accept his medicine without complain.

"Anton, will you go to sleep after this?" You ask hoping that he hears you through his haze and answers at least with a nod so he doesn't try to convince you into doing more later.

He nods and you finally can breath.

"Promise?" Your fingers play with his hair and you make him look at you in the eyes this time before he, rubbing his nose up and down while answering, nods again.

You, believing him, feel free of guilt to help him get off this time.

It's easy, just like you thought, you flex your fingers through his moist scalp and grab the hems of his hairs, and leaving the compassion you always have for your boyfriend to let him get what he wants aside, you push your hips to his face and control the pace of his nose grinding with your clit and his tongue soaking your panties even more.

Your eyes flutter with every thrust and he looks elated to have you using him, so he ignores the tension inside his lower stomach and permits you to use him like you want until, with a singular moan from you, his dick aches and searches for some type of friction, finding nothing until you order him to touch himself again.

After he cums all over your feet not more than two minutes later, before he asks you to let him cum inside at least one time (or to break your tights and eat you out with the excuse of not wanting to be the only one having an orgasm), you move and slide them down to then toss them to a corner of his room.

You order him to lie down, and pressing your forehead over his, you notice that he's even more hot than when you arrived. You sigh, cursing yourself inside for being so weak and not been able to say no to a younger boy with an excessive lust that should learn, for at least once, that he couldn't get his way all the time.

But you look at him closing his eyes with a grin and you smile too, thinking that maybe the work of saying no to him you should leave it to others outside.

[lains-reality]

some ideas if you want to test how far you can go

obviously you are limitless, but you need to see how far you can go yourself, lester had the motto of 'i only know that which i can do' and asked 'what can i do?' since why not go all the way? not out of obligation or fear, but to see how much you can maximise your peace and joy! do it for the truth!

almost all of these require mindfulness as you need to be able to catch yourself in the moment of the mind's chatter - that you can get through being in the present moment (read eckhart tolle's practicing the power of now). infact your whole life will be based on the present moment, and not being in it makes it infinitely harder so please read the book.

whoever i expected something from: give to myself 

before you do this: go here! (getting to a state of neutrality first might make this easier)

this one is to think back on a person that you don't like, now think abt whether you expected something from them. did you want them to act a certain way? now, whatever peace, love, security that you think they were meant to give you, feel that yourself

and even if it was someone that is meant to give you those things, you will need to release your hatred of them and give them up. you don't need to forgive them right now, but you will soon when you won't care much of their impact on your life and when you see that everybody is acting off insane levels of fear. i released my hatred of someone who is literally meant to take care of me and now i don't care abt them, i used to hate having any contact with them but now i can talk to them and not have my mind run 50 miles an hour. also! they called me to say that they're working on themself & will repair what they did

just keep doing that and going back to other people until you feel no more obligation to care abt what they did! this is (one way to) how you become free of attachment to people, and less anger

astral projection

pretty self explanatory, just try ap, it'll make you see you're not your body

for this i'd definitely see how far i could travel and for how long

‘No matter what happens, I will create no more pain for myself.  I will create no more problems.’

this one is to affirm this at the start of your day and surrender all trouble and control, just this one day (or longer) you'll let yourself have no problems

throughout the day you can remind yourself, when you are getting wound up, that today you've given up troubles and problems

this requires mindfulness - that you can get through being in the present moment (read eckhart tolle's practicing the power of now)

‘Am i willing to live (in a world) with no problems?’

this is just a question to be used for self-inquiry, meditation, an affirmation, whatever

‘What would i do if there were no others?’

same as the last question

no input

no music, no books, no overconsumption, no anything

just like a dopamine detox?

this one might be hard too (and maybe a bit useless, but try it?)

‘From here on, i have everything i need as i need it’

this one is to affirm this at the start of your day and surrender all trouble and control, just this one day (or longer) you'll let yourself have everything you need

throughout the day you can remind yourself, when you are getting wound up, that today you've given up worrying, anticpation of the worst and projecting into the future

this requires mindfulness - that you can get through being in the present moment (read eckhart tolle's practicing the power of now)

remove time - stop living through memory and anticipation

"Time and mind are inseparable. Remove time from the mind and it stops - unless you choose to use it. To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation." - eckhart tolle, practising the power of now, pg. 31

self explanatory again, just remove time lol

idk you gonna have to figure this one out yourself

good challenge tbh

deleting or revising something everybody knows

not just some memory only you and 2 people remember, something like changing the name of earth itself

or historical events, or the order a song came out from your favourite artist

go crazy! keep in mind that there's no big or small, its all the same concept in awareness, even if i do imply it

just thinking abt when you go to search the thing you revised in google and it doesn't come up lol

live as if theres no past

this one is something that you should definitely try

i think this becomes the norm when you are present in the now (which is why its so important!)

the point is when you go bed, wipe out your past, through whatever way you like. then in the morning make a declaration that the past is no longer relevent! no longer will you go back to it as a source of identity, breaking the habit of it!

inspired by this quote by osho

i think this one will yield interesting results

in the end, the goal is not especially to get results, but to release fear and limitations. you also get to practise being in the present moment!

[reverieaa]

The self, fufilled.

It might have taken me a while, but as I promised in my last poll, I will deliver what you all were most interested in hearing, my explanation of the self fufilled. Consider this a pt.2 of "a change of clothes".

Yes, I say the self fufilled. I thought this play of words is not only interesting to do but would bring light to a new perspective that may help you come to your own understanding.

Many don't sit to really understand what " no other cause to your thoughts other than you" really means to them, we know, but we don't understand.

How do I stop my doubtful thoughts? How do I manifest quickly? how do I feel my wish fufilled? How do I change my state? How do I feel free? How do I stop punishing myself?

Well for the last one, you can start by putting an end to all previous questions, searching with the intention of finding an outside answer.

The opposite of love is hate, as the opposite of to hurt is to heal.

And the opposite of attention is indifference. As Edward art himself said that indifference is truly the answer to all your doubts.

I don't want you to go through your day and force yourself to imagine, affirm, and re-read every post you've ever read again and again until it finally clicks, I don't want you to fight every thought and scold your mind for "going out of place" either.

All that I want you to do is all that is required for you to do, change the inner. We truly are fortunate when I tell you this good news because change is all we do, all we've ever done.

I'll tell you honestly, not to give you hope and neither to shatter it or delude you when I tell you that majority of your problems that sound so complicated as the universe itself, could be solved just through self identification and a rearrangement of the mind.

I don't say this to give comforting lies, false hope, and support because I don't want people with hopes and dreams in tough situations to feel bad and be a moral person, but because the truth is far more comforting than any of it.

I won't tell you to "keep going" when you feel like nothing is working and breaking down. If you feel the need to change something, then change should happen, and it shall as your word is logic to your world.

I want you to understand that you're not meant to fufill the thing itself, but yourself instead. It's not about your desired face, it's about you, it's not about your ideal relationship and sp, it's about you, it's not about imagining the perfect life, it's about you.

It's not about using yourself to fulfill the scenario/desire. It's about it fulfilling and changing YOU.

Right now, you have a bed, you are not imagining that you do, you're not checking to see if you have a bed, you probably didn't even look to see if you have one, it is a CLAIM within yourself. With the same conviction, you use it for your desires. Take this example with things you have in your life.

I don't think people realize that the whole reason why trying changing the outer reality does not work because there is no outer reality to begin with, I mean that literally.

It is crucial to understand when you imagine that you are not creating the desire or a new reality, but you can only conceptualize that version of you to begin with because it already exists.

Let the ego mind go, let the need for outer change go, both its worries and time-frame of your life so far and just sit there with what I'm trying to say when I tell you to feel the wish fulfilled. It is a CLAIM, not a process, a change of identification.

Once you identify yourself with who you actually are, the awareness/ pure consciousness and believe that you is all there is , you won't want to "manifest a df" just to decorate the outer man, but you'll want to manifest it bc it genuinely makes u happy for yourself, same for every manifestation.

It all comes down to a satisfying claim, a claim of your observation that you see as TRUTH and are currently seeing in your mind.

For those who are wondering what knowingness I'm talking abt, it's the same knowingness when someone asks your name, you know you are (name), you know you're (nr) years old.

And so the same way you know your name, you know you have your desired body, the same way you know how old you are, you know you have your dream car.

We identify as body and outer when the outer world itself is WITHIN us, you are the answer to everything as everything has it's root to you, and at the same, everything cam only live through ypir awareness, nothing greater and nothing to "get".

If i view myself as pure consciousness, then I do not care for the 5 senses to show me anything because I don't view myself as just body, and this doesn't mean you can't deal with things in the 3D, because working in the 3D and identifying with it are different things. Therefore, don't feel the need to commit all your 5 senses to your imaginal act.

This isn't a for you to tell yourself: " ok, I have to know I am pure consciousness/ the creator and work with it from there" this post is telling you that you ALREADY are it, skip emotions here, we have established that you are it right now and youvare becoming aware that you are in imagination.

All we do in life is make claims within ourselves about things we are aware of having in the mind. Say you have a red car, and you think about it in your head, you know it's yours, you don't need to check your own drivers license, you know you have a certain hair color, it is a aware claim, you aren't trying to get it, there is no rush to do so, you are at ease knowing it IS so and are just observing your life through that state on consciousness.

And since you are consciousness, and you can get/be anything you want just by being aware that you are it, what is it that you can't do or be in this world? You can't be satisfied going after the "object" itself bc the only way we can enjoy things in this world is through the awareness that we have it, it has no life of its own outaide your own consciousness.

[lloydfrontera]

Hello, I would like to ask: What was the moment when Javier's rating of Lloyd increase the most in the novel? I'm new to this fandom and just picked up the novel a few days ago but am already getting obsessed with their relationship :)

it is in one of my favorite moments of the whole novel <3

spoilers for ch 320!

when lloyd is finishing the jewel of truth an angel, raphael the throne, descends from heaven and tells him he's going to demolish the building for legal reasons. and when lloyd obviously refuses to let him, raphael tries to execute him for defying the will of heaven.

and javier doesn't allow it of course.

and it's in this moment, when he's literally facing off an angel and going against heaven itself to protect lloyd that javier wonders... why? why is he going so far to protect this man? why is he trying so hard to keep safe someone who has lied to him for so long? someone who isn't part of the family he swore to protect?

he doesn't really know. there just one thing clear in his mind.

I want to protect him. Lloyd is my true master in my heart. Lloyd was his friend. And now, Javier wanted to protect Lloyd. He would sincerely protect him with everything he had.

and it's when he realizes just how much lloyd truly means to him, how much he genuinely cares for him, that the RP system fully reflects javier's feelings about lloyd.

[Javier Asrahan has finally become aware of his feelings of friendship and loyalty toward you deep inside his heart.] [His impression of you has greatly changed.] [Deep inside him, you have become "Someone I genuinely wish to protect" from "Someone I am forced to protect."] [Your likeability with Javier Asrahan has increased by 45 points.] [Current RP with Javier Asrahan: +68] [You have earned 810 RP by improving your relationship with a main character.] [Current RP: 9,385] [The intimacy level with Javier Asrahan has increased two levels from <Average Favor> to <Close Friendship>.]

it's. it's so fucking good.

i've freaked out about this before but i can do it again

i really love the confirmation that javier is so good at emotionally repressing himself that he only realizes how deep his feelings about lloyd are long after they came to exist.

especially because in this same scene javier realizes there's a reason he wants to protect lloyd more than anything but he can't put a name to it and eventually decides that it doesn't really matter because he already knows lloyd is his friend and that's enough anyway.

like. canonically. javier has a deeper reason to care about lloyd beyond just being his friend. one he can't fully identify. one he puts aside to figure out later because lloyd being his friend is enough to justify putting his life on the line for him right now. and we find this out right before we get confirmation that javier is very good at burying feelings that have been there for longer than he's been aware of.

which. uh. incheresting.

anyway. one of my favorite chapters of all time fr <33

[batmanego]

SO YOU'RE TIRED OF BATMAN: AN INTRODUCTORY GUIDE TO DC SUPERHEROES

one of the most common things i hear when trying to get people to read comics is that they're just not that into batman. which boggles my mind! not because i'm a huge batman fan -- which i am, but i can understand why people might not be interested in his comics -- but because it's insane to me that batman (or superman, or wonder woman, or any other dc superhero they've made a movie about) is people's default perception of dc superheroes.

there's a whole world out there! and if you're intimidated by the big superheroes, or uninterested in their stories, or even if you like them but you're looking for something different, this is the guide for you. without further ado, i present:

DC MINUS THE BIG THREE: A FIELD GUIDE FOR THE DISENCHANTED AND DISINTERESTED

DOOM PATROL (1987)

to nobody's surprise, doom patrol is first on my list of recommendations. it's a comic book about a group of disabled people who have been labeled freaks, weirdos, or otherwise undesirable by society, coming together to save a world that doesn't care about them because there has to be beauty in it somewhere.

good for: well, i'll let the introduction quote do the talking. “remember when all the other kids on the block had superman and batman as positive role modes? well, if you could only identify with a human brain in a metal body or a guy wrapped up in bandages, and if you grew up weird, welcome home. you’re among friends now.”

read doom patrol here. trigger warnings for: ableism, child sexual abuse, medical abuse, transphobia.

2. HELLBLAZER (1988) BUT ONLY THE FIRST 41 ISSUES OK?

hellblazer is a 300 issue long comic book, mostly comprised of dogshit stories by dogshit writers. i am recommending it because i genuinely think the first 41 issues are art. please do not do as i did and read all of hellblazer. you won't survive the experience. ok? ok.

hellblazer is a comic about aging punk magician/occultist john constantine trying desperately to sort out his life in late 80s london while constantly being beset by poor life choices, poverty, and also lots and lots and lots and lots of demons.

good for: punks, anarchists, fans of the occult, enemies of aleister crowley, anyone who has a personal vendetta against margaret thatcher.

read hellblazer here, BUT STOP READING AFTER THE FIRST 41 ISSUES OK? trigger warnings for: literally almost everything you can imagine, but specifically discussions of child sexual abuse are prominent in the original sins run. also, it was written by a white man in the 80s, so it suffers from "white man in the 80s" syndrome.

3. WILDCATS (1999)

"FERRIS", some of you comic book knowers cry, "WILDCATS IS WILDSTORM NOT DC". to that i say Shut the fuck up DC acquired the rights to the wildstorm universe it's close e-fucking-nough.

wildcats 1999 is about cole cash (a conman and ex-special ops man), hadrian 7 (an alien robot posing as a human named jack marlowe), and noir (a bisexual ex-arms dealer from france who talks in the third person) picking up the pieces of the OLD wildcats team after they all found out they were soldiers in a war that ended before most of them were born and nobody bothered to tell them, and trying to 1) run a company and 2) save the world.

good for: people who hate the military, tacky sci-fi fans, anyone who wishes guys would suck more, anyone interested in the horrors of war.

read wildcats 1999 here.

4. SLEEPER

"ferris i want to leave wildstorm" too fucking bad. we're talking about sleeper right now.

sleeper is about holden carver, an undercover agent in the world's largest underground crime organization/network, who gets stuck undercover when his handler (the only guy who knows he's undercover and not just a traitor) gets shot and put in a coma. it is about grappling with your own morality, losing faith in your ideals, and (like most wildstorm properties), how war is a pointless exercise in horror.

good for: fans of spy thrillers, evil women enjoyers, evil men enjoyers, anyone who has ever thought they could make someone worse, people who want bad things to happen to people in power.

read sleeper season 1 here, and then sleeper season 2 here. trigger warnings for pedophilia (the pedophile gets beat to death in issue 2), homophobia, and child abuse.

5. THE AUTHORITY (1999)

stop crying we're almost done with wildstorm. the authority is a comic book about 6 super-people (who are very loose parodies of the justice league) forming a self-described "anarchist cell" to operate against the wishes and outside the influence of earth's governments to defend the planet against extraterrestrial threats and handle human rights violations.

good for: political science fans, good sci-fi enjoyers, people who think batman and superman should have kissed instead of making a million movies, people in polyamorous six-ples.

read the authority here. trigger warning for "this writer probably shouldn't have written this asian nation like this", homophobia, sexual abuse.

6. SUICIDE SQUAD (1987)

hey, remember how i was talking about wildcats? imagine the same sort of themes of wildcats (the horrors of war, the effects of being in the military, american imperialism, what it means to be a hero or even a good person), and then apply them to the worst group of people you've ever had the displeasure of being in the same room as, and they all fucking hate each other. suicide squad is about a bunch of incarcerated villains being "recruited" (forced) into working hero-missions for the government, because nobody will miss them if they die.

good for: villain apologists, people who (in the immortal words of hack/slash) think "there just aren't enough big mean women in comics", and this guy:

[ID: a comment on read comics online by “the king of anime” reading, “I want to give this a try would it be worth it”. end ID.]

read suicide squad here. trigger warning for, again "white man in the 80s syndrome", along with... probably pretty much everything else imaginable (it's been a while since i read this!)

7. STARMAN (1994)

starman is a story told with the drama of a theater production about jack knight, a late-20s to early-30s punk antiques dealer who gets the mantle of starman (a well-known superhero from the golden age) thrust upon him suddenly. it is a story about legacy, family duties, identity, and most importantly about being kind of a loser who gets shot at all the fucking time.

good for: sci-fi fans who are too proud to admit they also like fantasy, rock opera listeners, family disappointments, single fathers.

read starman here. trigger warning for sexual assault.

8. ARKHAM CITY: THE ORDER OF THE WORLD (2021)

"ferris you said no batman" i did. i did not say no batman villains.

arkham city: the order of the world focuses on some of batman's lesser-known foes, and the fallout of arkham asylum collapsing. i can't really explain it more than that, but it is good and legitimately unnerving at times.

good for: horror fans, enemies of the psychiatric system, villain enjoyers, people who live in new york city.

read arkham city: the order of the world here.

9. THE SHADE (1997) and THE SHADE (2012)

hey, remember starman? want a series about the old immortal victorian man with an "ambiguous sexuality" from it? okay. the shade (1997) follows his origins: specifically, his long-standing beef with one specific family. the shade (2012) is a sort of cross-country whodunnit as the shade tries to track down who is trying (and failing) to murder him.

good for: bisexual enjoyers, dramatic theater kids, vampire fans, goths, people who would have fucked lord byron given the opportunity.

read the shade (1997) here, and the shade (2012) here.

10. METAL MEN (2007)

lastly (but not least), a comic featuring will magnus from doom patrol. metal men (2007) is... a complicated story. it's about robots? it's about being mentally ill. it's about a guy who is so divorced forever. it's about being a little loser guy. it's about time travel, and terrible relationships with your brother. it's hard to describe. but it's fun.

good for: bad sci-fi enjoyers, people who can understand the timeline of looper, robot fans, anyone who has ever been consumed by a desire to create.

read metal men (2007) here.

BONUS:

not included in this list because batman is there, i encourage everyone to have a look at the original justice league international series. it is a superhero comedy. it is silly and stupid and i love it.

OKAY, THAT'S ALL! THANKS FOR READING!

[runby2]

just throwing it out there for whoever doesn't know this or needs to be reminded, alters are not delusions. they're actual developed parts of the consciousness that are formed by structural dissociation. respecting alters as different people is not feeding into harmful delusion. they're actually there for real, and they actually are separated from the other alters through either extreme emotional amnesia or fuzzy/full blackouts of memory. when an alter splits from another, they do not "steal skills / steal crucial identity" from another alter or take it away from another alter. they form separately as a new self, and learn to function as who they are, who they wish to be, or how they want to exist as that different state of self that is not connected to the others. systems are quite literally "multiple." we have many different conscious states that act as separate people, (as long as they want to identify that way.) fusion doesn't make alters die or get lost, and integration is not fusion. -fusion means two alters can now exist as one without the barrier, and identify as everything the two alters once were. you can still feel that alter being there, you're just kinda glued with them and intermingling with them. this is not a common thing though, and needs to be worked on consecutively with both conscious states wishing for it, and even then it may not stick. you cant force it. believe us. -integration means learning what defines an alter and knowing when they're around, sharing their memories when a switch occurs, and feeling relatively more connected to the other alters. this won't make you lose any alters or cause fusion to happen out of no where. don't be afraid to get to know them out of fear of them one day "disappearing" - they'll never disappear. your system is always part of you, and you are always in control and able to find ways to communicate with your system even if it takes time and consistent effort. even if you wish to try to pursue fusion, you MUST pursue functional multiplicity before that can even feasibly occur. even if you are able to fuse with a part, your brain is still developed to split more alters, and it will always be like that. finding ways to cope with multiplicity is a must if you are going to feel healthy and happy with your system and your life as a whole. that is why it is SO important to have being happy and loving yourself and your alters as an end goal. i suggest blocking anyone who claims DID/osdd/ddnos is a disorder that will always be filled with suffering and should never be romanticized, enjoyed, or shown as a good thing. being a system is not only a trauma disorder. it is who someone is as a being, as multiple selves. telling us not to love that or celebrate it however we please is cruel, and the opposite of whatever activism people are trying to create and push. please don't fall for self hatred as a form of community or a badge of honor.

[blkkizzat]

I've been a virgin all my life like im talking no masturbation either.

So i tried fingering since my friends said it worked for them and it hurts like a bitch like seriously how do people feel pleasured from this?!?! 🥶

so masturbation on a larger level is self-care so make it apart of a self-care routine... now i usually just take a clit vibe and bust one out (sometimes just to sleep cause insomnia a BITCH lol) but i have a whole routine if i wanna use my fingers or a dildo, etc.

more below~ hjdscdkjfhvskdj not me explaining in detail how i masturbate... lol oh well let's go...

ok so first. set the mood for yourself, especially if you want vaginal penetration it's all about being relaxed enough for it to be enjoyable.

so take a bath, put some nice smelling lotion on, get in your fav undies or if you feel better nude thats fine too. light a candle. grab some lube. if you partake in marijuana, shrooms or alcohol (wine goes straight to my puss) this is an option too, but NOT NECESSARY. but if that is apart of your self care already then include it.

put on some soothing sounds. if you dont have a fav then tantric frequency music works, actually i would suggest this because it will be less distracting and the frequency allows you to connect to your body more.

next take your time. idk if you ever really took the time to explore your body. just touch yourself. but not anywhere sexual so leave your kitty and tiddies alone for a while. you know how in winter if your car been outside you gotta warm it up before you can drive it? its like that.

pleasure is a total body experience, so get your entire body sensitive first. you can make yourself wet without even touching your coochie. dont rush. slow down and really identify how various touch feels. (you can even apply lotion if you want too or body oils if you like)

just close your eyes and trace your body with touch, press, poke, pull, tug, stroke, etc, with various amounts of pressure (feather touch to rough) on various parts. just find what feels good and do that. concentrate on the music and try to find a rhythm. finally when you get to the point you find yourself aching and rubbing legs together then you can start touching more obviously erogenous zones like tiddies and vag. this is important to wait though (the longer you do this the more sensitive you will be, i sometimes do it for 20-30 min of just exploring touch) because the longer you wait to touch the more sensitive and better it will feel.

start with touching your vulva/coochie lips, softly, do what feels good and dont rush. tease around the clit and entrance, but dont touch or penetrate yet. then once ive done that a while thats when you can start touching your clit. sometimes thats more than enough and you will just cum from that and if you dont want to go further dont force it.

its completely normal for initial penetration to hurt or be uncomfortable. even for non virgins if you have done it in a long time you are gonna tighten back up. lube comes in handy make sure to lather the area and fingers good. so its all about now what feels good but since everything is gonna be uncomfortable at first i would just put a finger in there and just be still. dont move it. just get used to it being in there, almost like you're cockwarming your finger fhkjhsdfjkhsdjk. but i do this when i move up dildo sizes and its uncomfortable. i will literally just leave it in there for a while. sometimes ill then disengage and do other things like be on my phone, grab my switch and play somethin hkfgfsdjkhfdshj. but the point is you are just allowing your body to adjust lol. then take it out, theres been times where i havent felt anything pleasurable to until i took it out and then my coochie is like "wait bitch we were comfy and full" and then i start craving it back in. thats when you can experiment with a little motion. or start rubbing at your clit to help. dont do too much too fast and honestly its probably going to take a few tries for you to really feel comfortable with it but the more you do it, the less you need to do to work yourself open and you will be comfortable with what your body needs.

the key is just finding what your body needs to feel good. also you might get emotional or overwhelmed or even cry. not from pleasure but if you've never really masturbated or really explored than your sacral/root chakra is probably a bit blocked. when you release that it can be a bit overwhelming sense thats a huge center for emotions. if you don't know much about it you can learn about it here and here more.

good luck babes!

[ofdirtandbones]

I have no idea who to ask and seeing as you seem to be similar to me in some aspects, i thought u would be the best choice

Do you have any recommendations on how to stop being on the internet so much and connect more with nature? I love nature I love being in it but I'm constantly stuck either to my phone or computer, never fully appreciating it. I have no idea what to do

Long post ahead ! Sorry lol Man I've deleted all social media except tumblr. I use it on my computer mostly and I've put a thirty minutes time limit, only usuable between 6pm and 11pm on my phone. That way I can still see art, pretty pictures, funny posts... But I don't spend much time on my phone. It took me SO LONG to get to this point. I had to build up so much anger towards social media, the way they are made to steal all your time and ruin your attention span, and how much of a negative impact they had in my life. I use to spend just so much time on instagram,,, The first thing I did was put a lock on it. It was sooo hard at first but eventually I started barely using it when it was unlocked for the day. I managed to start reading again. And I mean reading multiple hours a day. Sometimes the whole day when I felt really bad and couldn't leave the house. Traded my screen time for when I was like,,, in the bathroom or waiting for something etc,,, for duolingo ! Since I still had the urge to pick up my phone and duolingo takes so much energy haha Doing something that isn't really enjoyable (and is actually useful) everytime I picked up my phone eventually made it much less interesting. You will not miss out on anything ! I know how scary it is but I promise, you won't be disconnected from the world. It's really the contrary tbh. You won't be disconnected from your friends either ! Ask them to contact you through whatsapp or whatever. That was my main fear and it turned out fine, so so so so fine. There are still ways to get news, without being constantly bombarded by them. Healthy ways that your body can actually handle. For the connecting to nature more part, it's very easy in my city but I don't know what it's like in yours,,, If you can access nature easily and can walk for a while then I say go explore ! Take pictures of bugs, plants, mushrooms,,, Can you take a friend with you ? If nature isn't accessible for you, good news ! It's everywhere. You'll find plant growing through cracks on the sidewalk, birds everywhere, bugs wherever it's possible for them to live,,, You'll start noticing them quickly ! Can you identify them ? If you don't have books that can help you or field guides, there are ones in public libraries. Once you id something, read about it ! And the pure joy once you've identified something, read about it, and you see it again ! The feeling is incredibly similar to friendship ! It became familiar, it became a friend, you feel warm inside everytime you two meet. See what naturalist non profit associations are near you ! Do they offer free acitvities ? Can you join them, volunteer,,, Yesterday I participated to an activity at night where we went to a spot with a lot of bats, learned about them, and then listened to them with a batbox ! All for free. I do activities like that a few times a week and learn a lot ! Another tip is touch grass, literally. Put your fingers in the dirt, smell it eat it, go lay down under a tree, no phone allowed. Hear the wind go through it. You aren't very different from it. You're both nature, both alive, aware of your surroundings, breathing, eating, and a whole ecosystem just by yourself. Your tree can also becoma a friend. Keep plants inside if possible ! Take care of them, learn about them. If only you knew how many plants I've killed before understanding how to take care of them,,, Now I have over thirty plants,,, hard ones to keep too ! It's also extremely easy to keep pill bugs as pets and takes up very very little space. So rewarding to see them eat and multiply ! Read books about nature ! I know this can be hard,,, I don't mean just informative books ! Anything will help you feel closer to it. I love poetry for example ! Very short, impactful emotionally ! I hope my rambles will be able to help you in some way ksgfqgq I just woke up.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

If you’re comfortable, what made you decide to seek diagnosis and how did you go about it? It has been suggested to me (friends, therapist), and I have suspected that I might be autistic but I’m kind of scared to find out for sure because of stigma.

I wondered silently for a really long time before I did anything about it - like, for years. I worried about the stigma too, or that I was wrong and I wasn't autistic and I was just weird, or maybe everyone found things this hard and I was just being dramatic and overreacting. I also self-identified as autistic for a while before I decided a diagnosis would be helpful for me, mainly for getting accommodations.

What started it off was my mum sending me an article about Melanie Sykes revealing her own diagnosis and noting the similarities, and I thought if she could see it too then maybe it wasn't just in my head. And then I spent a really long time researching.

I joined some communities of autistic people (eg discord and reddit) and followed neurodivergent people on social media to see if I could relate to their experiences (which was way more helpful than reading a traits list off WebMD).

I also did some self-assessments online like the Autism Spectrum Quotient (there's the AQ10 and AQ50) and the RAADS-R. I've linked to where you can take those on Embrace Autism since I found that website particularly helpful :)

AND THEN I took all my results and notes to my GP to try to get a referral which was another whole thing since the NHS waiting lists are literally years long.

Even though it took a long time and was pretty difficult, I'm really glad I went for a diagnosis! It made me feel much more comfortable in myself, and I've found others take me more seriously when I say I'm struggling with something. Most people I've told have responded pretty well, but I am careful about who I tell in real life because there are so many stereotypes so it wouldn't necessarily be helpful for them to know. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.

If you're wondering about yourself, I recommend taking those quizzes I linked as well as seeing if you relate to other autistic peoples' experiences. Also, know you don't have to actually go for a diagnosis if you don't want one. Self-identifying and figuring out what your needs are and accommodating them where you can is also good :)

Anyway, this has been an essay but basically I'm happy I was able to get my diagnosis :) It's not something everyone can access for a variety of reasons so I'm very grateful.