#and like. they want you to be 18-20 but have lots of experience??? do u think I was working at six yo or????

[veunho]

Oh my fucking gods I hate looking for jobs I'm trying to somehow enter gastronomics but. Everyone expects me to have three years of experience??? My dude you're looking for a dishwasher not a chef get a fucking GRIP

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

do u have any resources for how to do like . ok not sex ed per se. but i’m in a position where im interacting pretty regularly with a couple of 16-18 year old coworkers (im late 20s) & they see me as kind of a mentor or older sister figure. i’ve been finding myself in a position where they’ll try to get my advice on what seem like risk taking behaviors & i have a hard time balancing my advice between my belief in personal autonomy (ie they’re adults and have the right to make their own bad decisions) and OH GOD THAT GUY IS 30 RUN YOURE TOO YOUNG FOR HIM. bc in my experience telling teens that they’re immature or too young for something tends to be a nonstarter in terms of . them actually listening to advice. especially when theyre 17 but have a job and a lease. so i guess what im asking is do u have any resources or advice on how to parent high schoolers? im too young to be a father but i have found myself in this position and its giving me gray hair

okay listen. as someone who answers questions for a LOT of teenagers on here, the model I've always tried to embrace is "this is an intelligent person with thoughts, feelings, and desires that are exactly as complex as an adults, they just have slightly less lived experience in which to contextualize things." it's completely possible to give someone younger than you advice the same way you might offer input to someone your own age; just offer information without acting like they're dumb for needing it.

in the case of the age thing, you've obviously already clocked that "you're too young for him" is an approach that can easily come across as condescending and shut you down as a reliable your of advice. instead, let's try reframing this in a way that puts the issue where it belongs: on the 30 year old trying to date a teenager. it's not "ew, you're too young," it's "ew, I've known a lot of guys like him and they're always trying to date teenagers becase they think teenagers are dumb and easy to manipulate. people his own age probably all think he's a loser."

but, more importantly, it's not your job to stop them from making any risky decisions ever, okay? some of them are still going to want to hang out with that 30 year old. your role in that case is to help minimize harm. you can't make them ditch their creepy older boyfriend, but you can make sure they understand how to have safer sex, their options for protection, the realities of STIs and how to get tested + treated, the risk of pregnancy and options for unplanned pregnancies if that's an option. you can't run anyone's life for them, but you can always give them tools to be safer!

[rabidbatboy]

Not a request !! But general question

Will you be doing any slasherval maybe events for October? Like a 30 day post / prompt lists or just anything in the works?

Just found out about the identity and nothings ever clicked so easily w me before

uhh . you know what sure! I haven’t been active enough so this would be fun to unleash. it won’t be entirely slasherval maybe just. some stuff that pertains to my account and experience with coining. but lots of horror i promise!

RABIDBATBOY COINTOBER 2024!!!

day 1: red

day 2: nonhuman

day 3: movie

day 4: monster

day 5: monachoric

day 6: butcher

day 7: music

day 8: footage

day 9: loser

day 10: slasherval

day 11: canine

day 12: spikes

day 13: lurking

day 14: undead

day 15: weapon

day 16: presentation

day 17: gore

day 18: trash

day 19: quote

day 20: bat

day 21: trope

day 22: creep

day 23: alternative

day 24: body horror

day 25: slasher

day 26: beast

day 27: comic

day 28: chainsaw

day 29: camo

day 30: free day

day 31: halloween

coin whatever u want :3 (I know day 1 has kinda already been and gone.. u can do it whenever). if you do every prompt uhhh u will gain my undying respect. have fun!

rb if u want to save or promo!

[noodle-is-unstable]

so sorry about the acc getting obliterated but im lowk glad cause u had me blocked but now im over 18 and i can follow u happily :)

I wasn't going to say anything but I'm going to. Stopping my Kinktober writing for this.

I have the urge to block you again (you can block anon people still), but I won't.

We're going to do something I do a lot and use this as a ✨ learning experience ✨

So the fact I had you blocked means you interact with my content enough for me to notice you and find something that said you were below 18 or give me suspicion you were. That means you blatently ignored all of my warnings and boundaries that state I don't want minors on or anywhere near my page.

I don't care if you were 17 years and 364 days old, I explicitly state no minors. Do not interact. Do not make your presence known to me. Don't be near my page or the people on it.

You actively saw these rules, and this boundary and still chose to ignore it. You not only ignored it by continuing to read my content but you went beyond that and interacted with it. That's what I have the most issue with. If someone tells you you are not welcome in a space (especially when it's for your own wellbeing, like trying to keep minors safe) and you purposely still put yourself in that space it's problematic. There is a clear lack of respect for me as a creator and my rules.

I'm uncomfortable around minors, and I've said it before, I'm still iffy around people under 20. You being on my page and being underage made me uncomfortable. Your blatent disrespect for my page and my wishes made me uncomfortable

I'm not going to block you. I'm going to let you sit with these words and understand the problem is more than you were just underage. I'm going to simply ask that you do better and respect the rules and boundaries creators put in place

[gunnerfc]

Steph Catley NSFW Alphabet (18+, Minors DNI!)

A: Aftercare

You both go back and forth with who’s more attentive after sex but it’s normally Steph who’s up getting you water or something

B: Body Part (their favorite body part of themselves and their partner)

Steph’s favorite body part is her thighs, you always leave marks and little indents on them when going down on her and she loves the reminder they serve the next few days

Steph’s favorite body part of yours is your fingers, for obvious reasons but she also loves them for the marks/scratch marks they can leave in their wake

C: Cum (anything to do with cum)

Will have you clean her strap after she’s made you cum at least three times

D: Dirty Secret 

Wants to record the two of you just for fun and just for the two of you to have

E: Experience (Are they experienced? Do they know what they are doing?) 

Steph knew what she was doing but in her past relationships she filled the submissive role mostly but when the two of you hooked up for the first time, that changed because she liked being the one in control

F: Favorite Position 

You on your back as she fucks you with a strap so she can make out with you the whole time or leave bruise like marks all over your neck and chest

She keeps a tight grip on your waist/hips the entire time and you always know why you feel a bit sore in the morning

G: Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous?)

It’s split 80% serious, 20% humorous only because she can be a bit giggly if she has been drinking

I: Intimacy (How intimate are they during the moment?)

Steph is a very intimate person and that defiantly crosses over when you’re having sex

J: Jack off (Masturbation HC) 

She’d understand if you were apart for a long period of time but since you live together, she wants you to come to her if you are feeling horny

K: Kink (One or more of their kinks) 

Exhibitionism, sort of.

She likes the idea of almost getting caught but she doesn’t want it to actually happen

L: Location (Favorite place to have sex)

Your shared home for the most part but if you get roomed together during away games then that works too

Though, even if you don’t get roomed together, that won’t stop the two of you from switching roommates for the night

M: Motivation (What turns them on?) 

Any time you wear her jerseys or training gear, seeing her name or number on your body leaves only one thing in her mind and that’s getting you out of whatever it is you’re wearing as quickly as she can

N: No (Something they wouldn't do)

She doesn’t like seeing you in pain, so anything that may hurt you is a no go

O: Oral (Preference on giving or receiving)

Steph loves both equally, going down on you is one of her favorite past times but whenever she’s on the receiving end, she’s having the best time

P: Pace (Fast & Rough? Slow & Sensual?) 

Slow and sensual, loves taking her time with everything she does with you

Q: Quickie (Thoughts on quickies) 

She’s indifferent, they don’t give her a lot of time to fully pleasure you the way she likes but she enjoys any chance she gets to have her hands on you

R: Risk (Are they open to experimenting) 

The only risk she is willing to take almost having someone walk in on you, the idea of getting caught drives her crazy

S: Stamina (How many rounds) 

You both go for 2-3 longer rounds but there are multiple orgasms so neither of you complain

T: Toys 

Steph’s favorite to use on you is a strap on that she had you pick out when you first started dating

U: Unfair (Do they like the tease)

Steph teases you so often, she loves hearing you beg and whine out of pure frustration

V: Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make) 

She isnt the loudest, but she’s not quiet either

W: Wild Card (Random HC)

You’ve been caught once by Caitlin and instead of feeling panicked about it, Steph found it hot and has played it pretty close on a few occasions after

Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It’s not very high, but also not low

Z: ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Falls asleep pretty quickly after you’ve both calmed down

[just-another-author-i-guess]

NEW!!!!! Masterlist Nov. 2024

A/N: I'm not really sure if this counts as a return lol, but I've grown a lot as a person and I think my writing-style and interest are v different now,,, so here's a new and updated (I'm not 14 anymore and I don't really like the same things I did when I started) masterlist (:

Important info (read pls before requesting): Since I'm over 18 y/o (I just turned 20, yay) I no longer accept any requests for minor characters or aged up versions of minors or anything like that. I'd feel really uncomfortable writing for them now, compared to when I started this blog lol. I also don't write mlm smut, not bc I want to be mean or less inclusive or anything, but bc I'm literally a bisexual woman and I feel like it's not really my place to write that kind of stuff (bro idk how to, I also fear I wouldn't portray it well at all bc obviously I haven't been in any situations like that),,, tho that does not mean I won't write mlm sfw!!! I'd be more than happy to (:

When I write I can only really do so with my own experiences in mind, so my nsfw stuff will mainly be fem!POV or gn, bc that's what I'm comfortable with... tho with that said, feel free to msg me or ask a question in the 'requests' if any of this seems confusing or unclear!

REQUEST HERE! <3

Judd Birch (big mouth) - judd birch x gn!reader - reader’s first time w/ judd - judd birch relationshp hc’s - judd birch x alt! reader - the one where Judd gives dating advice - four (4) reason’s judd has ‘keep out’ signs on his door (mr. birch is a menace) - just judd things (headcannons pt.2) - judd smut drabble - a heart to heart about Jessi’s sister’s boyfriend - going to school with Judd - judd smut in Y/n’s car - high judd headcannons

✰ ✰ ✰⛱⛈

- vincenzo ‘vinny’ santorini (atlantis)

vinny relationship headcannons

... more coming soon!

╰ ----------- ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

NEW ADDS! Spooky Diaz (on my block) a/n: I just finished watching it pls I'm so in love w Oscar.

(RE) Karl Heisenberg

Heisenberg x gn!reader hcs :D

Heisenberg x fem!reader, posted on ao3 but I need to edit a few things 'fore posting it here,,,

(RDR2, the gang, Flaco?) Flaco x pregnant!fem!reader... bc I'm down bad ): (coming soon, finished I just need to post it lol) Teaching reader poker x the guys: Arthur, John, Javier, Charles... (coming soon)

MORE COMING AT SOME POINT! But I have a looottt of requests to finish, I've been afk for like almost 3 years or something but I really appreciate the nice msgs I got (:

*here's a link to my ao3, since I've posted some les mis stuff and other things on there that I'm not sure you ppl on here would like... but lemme know if u want me to crosspost it on here <3 justanotherauthorig

[petrolstationflowers]

Are feathered friends better than human coworkers? Why not try out an Ornithology career for your sims! Once more requested by @catrillion, we wanted to work on something that incorporated a specific form of laws protecting animals, and came up with this.

This job is available for YA - Elder, and you can join via the Arboretum. Please note you will need to either play this in Moonlight Falls or save the Arboretum lot and place it in another neighbourhood for this to show up in game!

You will need to level Fishing, Science, and the hidden skill WildlifeFriend. This latter one maxes out at level 6. You can change and track this using MasterController, and the metrics in the job panel will update as you progress it.

No opportunities, uniforms, or books, and the lower levels will not have a carpool so make sure to send your sims to work manually!

Please note if you want to use this, you must have Nraas Careers installed for it to show up!

There are three custom tones:

Read Journals (increase Science) Socialise the Birds (WildlifeFriend) Survey the Park (Fishing)

Meet/Hang With Coworker have also been changed to "Meet Birds," and "Chill With the Birds."

If anyone can translate for me, I'd be very grateful!

Level descriptions under the cut:

Enthusiast - 10 simoleans p/h, 10:00 - 16:00, M-F

Description: You’ve loved birds for as long as you can remember; the family budgie that sat on your finger, the class cockatoo that someone taught to swear. You spend most of your days working the checkout at EverFresh Supermarket staring out the window at the trees in the car park, where a flock of parakeets have their nest. Maybe it’s time to spread your wings and look for a more interesting job?

Amateur Ornithologist - 15 sp/h, 10:00 - 16:00, M-F

Description: You’ve bid farewell to the checkout and instead set up camp in the local park, photographing birds for your local twitcher group on Sims Social. The pay is chickenfeed (unless you photograph Mothman himself) but your online friends might know where you might find something that pays more of the bills…

Park Volunteer - 20 sp/h, 09:00 - 17:00, W,T,F,S,U

Description: Now this is certainly better than the supermarket! The pay is still terrible but you get to spend your time outdoors at your local wildlife park – and most importantly, with your avian associates. Clean out their pens, guide lost tourists, and do a coffee run or three; you might make enough friends to get a little higher on the perch.

Conservation Education Guide - 40 sp/h, 09:00 - 18:00, W,T,F,S,U

Description: Despite their awkward reputation, ornithologists are a chatty lot when it comes to their favourite subject. The general public don’t tend to know a lot about birds, muddling up their crows and their ravens, and think that leaving out generic birdseed is just as good as black sunflower seeds, raisins, and tasty mealworms. Give them a lecture to remember – oh, and try to shill the organic bird food in the gift shop.

Intern - 45 sp/h, 09:00 - 18:00, W,T,F,S,U

Description: An actual job title and pay that doesn’t leave you eating ramen all week! Granted, it’s a lot of book learning along with the hands-on experience, with long hours studying and memorising complicated Latin names, but keep at it. Onwards and upwards!

Park Ranger - 55 sp/h, 05:00 - 14:00, W,T,F,S,U

Description: You’ve finally got your hat but it looks like you’ll be wearing a lot of them; being a park ranger means dealing with the public too. As well as showcasing the beauty of the natural world, you’ll be delivering activities to guests and raising awareness of just how important it is to keep their natural habitats safe. Hope visitors like trail walks and nest building competitions!

Bird Keeper - 60 sp/h, 05:00 - 14:00, W,T,F,S,U

Description: Finally, a flock of your own! You’re in charge of the bird habitat at the park, taking part in the captive breeding program and making sure the conservation effort is going according to plan. You’ll be hands on developing research projects and coming up with new enrichment ideas for your charges – a pity the higher ups said no to a birdie disco ball in the main office.

Conservation Delivery Manager - 75 sp/h, 09:00 - 17:00, M-F

Description: Another flock, but this time the underlings are a team of people rather than baby birds. You’re responsible for a team of wardens across the local area, sending them nationwide to ensure they deliver conservation projects funded by City Hall. There’s a lot of business plans and project management, but someone needs to make sure resources are allocated properly (and birds can’t hold a pen).

Protected Sites Advisor - 90 sp/h, 09:00 - 17:00, M,T,F

Description: You’re deep in the science side of ornithology now; working with local farmers to make sure their food production methods are environmentally friendly, reducing the impact of climate change, and ensuring that important ecosystems thrive and flourish. You’ll also get the chance to pitch sites for new developments and green spaces – so if you want a Birdie Bistro & Bar serving Band Slams & Baked Angel Food Cake, now’s your chance!

Ecologist - 150 sp/h, 09:00 - 17:00, M,W F

Description: You’re out of the suburbs and into the woods – time to be a consultant! You’ll be travelling all over SimNation to various sites and places that have the potential to become the latest havens for your bird friends, writing up surveys and reports to convince the mayor of Barnacle Bay perhaps they can build their luxury flats somewhere else and not disturb the local condor population. Ecological assessment work might not sound the most interesting on paper, but it’s hugely important to make sure you’re protecting birds for generations to come – children and eggs alike.

With thanks: To MissyHissy's career building tutorial!

[toxicanonymity]

WE NEEEEEED NIGHTWALKS JOEL ABC’s 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

Fair enough! 👖 A few are from the ones I did before.

NSFW 18+ Misc / x fem!reader / night walks master list

A = Aftercare - Takes a minute for his dirty talk to taper off.  . . He’ll say something about how bad you wanted it or how bad you want it.  

B = Body part - Obsessed with his own equipment.  Loves your whole body but the first thing he noticed about you was your ass and he can’t resist pressing himself into it whenever he sees you anywhere.  Also loves your thighs, can’t keep his hands off them.  

C = Cum - He doesn’t want a drop wasted.

D = Dirty secret - Peeping Tom.  

E = Experience - Very experienced.  Never had a girl as bad as you, though.  

F = Favorite position - Variety is the spice of life but he likes to be able to see how much you’re enjoying it.  

G = Goofy - No, no one is goofy lmao.  But he may tease you / rub it in about how much  you want his cock.  

H = Hair - Hair still mostly dark, not much gray down there.  Better groomed than you might expect - he's kinda vain.

I = Intimacy - There isn’t really a  romantic aspect.  He’s enraptured by your horniness for him. 

J = Jack off -  Used to do it on his porch while you walked around the block. Now sometimes does it in your backyard while he watches through the window.  Otherwise, he likes porn where the woman is super cock hungry.  Also cock worship.  Believe it or not he also likes porn with plot lmao.  Specifically, scenarios that involve strangers like repair men. He likes it because the woman is secretly so horny and all it took was the right man to activate her.  He HCed you that way as soon as he saw you, and he knew he could activate you. 

K = Kink - Voyeur, breeder.  You’ve had to start doing better at taking the pill.  If you’re starting to enjoy it, don’t let him know you’re on birth control.  

L = Location - Enjoys coming onto you and feeling you up in public.   Would be glad to take you anywhere and thought it was super hot the time he fucked you in the parking lot of the gas station, and went down on you in the bathroom of the restaurant.  But there’s also something about having you in his basement that really turns him on.  Reminds him of the first time after he tricked you there and you just couldn’t resist him.  

M = Motivation - He likes to make you desperate for his cock and he wants to hear how good you feel. He gets off on bringing out the naughtiest side of you. He can sense you have a bad, bad girl in there and it's his mission to tease it out. Likes to feel like an aggressor.  Likes control hence locking you in, restraining you, etc. Even if it's something you could escape from like an indoor lock.

N = No - Willingly pull out, or stop pursuing you. 

O = Oral - He’s good at it, he prefers to be inside you but definitely wouldn’t mind being blown.  

P = Pace - Starts slow, pays attention to how your body responds, adjusts accordingly, often getting faster/harder.  

Q = Quickie - Definitely in favor especially if he’s seducing you into doing it somewhere risky. 

R = Risk - Definitely gets off on getting away with stuff, so yeah.  He’s super confident. 

S = Stamina - He can last if he wants, and if you want, but is usually eager to come.   His recovery period is like 15-20 minutes aside from extenuating circumstances where he might be able to go sooner.  But otherwise plenty of time for a smoke or drink in between. 

T = Toys - Doesn’t own any but likes to watch you use yours and would enjoy using yours on you.  

U = Unfair - He’s not much of a tease, but he loves to hear how bad you want his cock so he might try to draw it out of you.  

V = Volume - Grunts, groans, talks dirty.  Intimate volume but not a whisper.  

W = Wild card - Wears PJ pants all the time and he just gets away with it . He has a bunch of different ones, too.  

X = 19 cm (7.5") base to tip erect, and on the girthier end of average.  Just barely curved upward for your pleasure. He's a shower not a grower.  Tan, smooth.  Huge balls.

Y = Yearning - Extremely high, can’t get enough of you.  

Z = Zzz - Pretty fast if you're in his sketch ass basement

-

joel master list

-

NW: @tehweeana@lokanda@blackvelveteen1339@cutesyscreenname@ele-meno-p lmk if i missed you

All joel: @ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @lokanda @ele-meno-p

[lazywriter-artist]

🤍✈

List can be found here for any more asks

Heheh funnnn :3

Idrk if you wanted any oc in particular but I’ll yap abt ock some bc I like him hehehe

🤍 - Three of your character’s neutral/questionable traits

Hm, a fun thought experiment for ock bc u haven’t thought about too many in such a light X)

The main one that comes to mind is how clingy he is, it’s not always unbearably so but it can get bad at times. It isn’t often, and it’s definitely not common as ock dislikes strongly using his abilities for ‘bad’ things, but he once used his ability to dominate another’s mind and puppeteer them to prevent the man from leaving his side and being dismissed after a few months aboard Huntsmann’s ship. It took Huntsmann and berny trying to talk him down to have him finally realse the poor man. Ock isn’t a fan of people he loves being put in harms way, since as far as it goes it’s never really ended well for him. It’s a trait he’s definitely trying to make better but it’s very difficult for him.

Next is his shyness I suppose, he’s a very sort of paradoxical character as a reclusive figure too anxious to directly interact (hence why he uses his telepathy for communication most of the time when possible) but one who longs so very deeply for any sort of connection he seeks it in just about everyone willing to tolerate his silent little form shivering behind them.

Finally for this one I suppose is u g h

He can be a bit emotional at times- (sometimes VERY emotional-) so when he’s not being a shivering ball of anxiety his fluctuations have no set ways or anything of doing so.

✈️ - Does your Oc like travel or do they consider themselves a home body?

Ock definitely likes to travel! While it means he’s gotta muscle through some pain if they stumble across some areas with large crowds (telepath struggles for eel) he loves being and seeing new places as well as meeting new friends! (He must be watched or else he’s brining 30 new rats onto the ship smh)

✨☀️✨☀️✨☀️✨☀️✨☀️✨☀️✨☀️✨☀️✨

@ocherednoe-dno asks

💯 - share three random facts about your oc others might not know!

1) ock has a lot of little odd hobbies here and there to kill time when he’s say, experiencing one of huntsmann’s out bursts and finds himself locked in his chambers, of these hobbies ock has two major ones he’s taken a big liking to! Sewing and towel folding! They’re good things to make cuddly little friends and populate his imaginative play families.

2) kind of connecting with the earlier note Ock really likes playing with toys and things (escapism + comfort & hence why he picked up sewing) so it’s not uncommon to find him playing at someone’s feet (normally will’s sometimes Huntsmann’s) with his days plushie of choice or in his room shuffling through his massive plushie collection (some made some gifted!) to rearrange the little friends or play toys

3) Ock Is a very stunted little guy (he’s tiny in stature and build, he’s very naive, ect.) and this is included in his voice. Despite being about 18-20 for most of the ‘recent’ story, he’s got a very young sounding voice (in my mind he sounds like a young Bambi just perhaps with a slight British accent to it as Huntsmann has raised him after all and that man’s got space British thick.) mixed with his small timid stature and his very nervous tendencies those not used to him very commonly mistake him for being a lot younger than he actually is

🖤 - has your oc killed or seriously wounded anyone before? have they broken someone's heart and/or broken someone's trust?

Ig this could also count as a fun fact people might not know but, Ock has killed a man and it haunts him— Ock, unsurprisingly, isn’t a very violent little guy and doesn’t really use his abilities to harm all that much if he can avoid it. So imagine his surprise when, at huntsmann’s demand, he is forced to execute a man with his abilities. He was reassured the man was a heretic and that he deserved the emperors hand, but it didn’t stop the screams of the man or the pleads both internal and external that Ock had to listen to during hurt any less. Broke the poor little guy for months, he was shut down for a while that even Will couldn’t really get him out of it and really still comes back to haunt him from time to time (it was mostly a measure by Huntsmann to A. Really get a feel for Ock’s abilities and B. See how willing Ock was to use them for harming others among other things-)

Mh, I think he’s maybe broken someone’s trust before, mmm I think perhaps a guardsman or acquaintance or two upon the whole being an inquisitor’s psyker ordeal. Definitely has pushed a few people away even if it’s a bit out of his control

💔 - what are three of your oc's negative traits?

U h hm. Honestly a toughie for ock— shockingly I don’t think I’ve given him many negative traits

Or well, I’ve not given him any Ergh, awful traits? Ock has some traits I’ve seen listed as negative in various listicles sure but idrk if I’d personally categorize some of them as negative? It’s a question very strongly endowed with one’s own personal sense of morality ig is the trick here for my brain?

Like- ock isn’t the typical negatively associated asshole jerk man but then again people don’t tend to always be either and they still have negative traits ya do ya know? Idk- it’s a bit hard for me personally to classify things like positive and negative traits as I feel anything taken too far/in the wrong ways ect. Can be labeled as positive or negative-

I suppose for ock, based around various listicles of “negative traits” we can go with

1) Needy (not gonna do this for every one I don’t really see this as a negative bc well ik it comes from a place and so it’s hard for me to place it as negative when I don’t think it’s like— bad? It’s just how ock has been impacted by the world and as such more of an obstacle to be worked around and yadda yadda character’s flaws aren’t errors but merely features to be enjoyed this and that- though ig this also hinges on the interpretation of negative meaning negative for those surrounding him and not just for ock himself too which I mean these traits can be negative heavily for ock as well which might end them up with the label here and dependent on the interpretation that it’s classified by simply flaws that hurt and—) - kind of following with his clinginess guy really tends to take what he can and hoard it up. I will say he isn’t like— complain and whine about not being given something he could grab himself spoiled child levels of needy, but he is again very clingy and will sometimes not realize when he is over stepping and demanding a bit too much of someone’s attention.

2) cowardly - little guy lacks a back bone pretty often- it’s really when he tends to serve as just a little guy wandering around behind huntsmann and maybe sometimes sort of as communication but he’s more huntsmann‘s proof of concept of ‘I can keep it alive and keep it compliant with the inquisitions/imperiums usual bullshittery’ more than a fighting weapon (that’s what his field his for-) so it’s more in personal situations than battle

3) absent minded - while definitely not all the time ock does have a bit of a habit of being a bit locked out in certain times, settings, days, ect. And just be lost in his thoughts (sometimes leading to an anxious spiral-) and just over all leaving him very ditzy from time to time.

🐈- does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends?

He’d really like to have a larger group of friends though that’s hard for him for numerous reasons and he does a lot better with smaller groups anyway.

He kind of had a ‘larger’ group already considering he finds most people he bumps into and grows attached to friends even if they aren’t so or he may never see them again but we ball

And that kind of leads to why he is just better suited for smaller groups over all as larger ones aside from stressing him out (telepath moment) for a number of reasons inside and out, he’s a very easily attached and DEEPLY attached guy so if for whatever reason he holds some level of less close less attached relationship with someone he is very very attached to (not hard to be- breath near the little guy and you’re half way there-) and he doesn’t have that reciprocated he tends to flip out a bit and not feel to great

Which really is another reason of many hunts tends to keep him on a shorter leash.

[goodluckclove]

hii do u have any advice for someone looking to get into playwriting?

Hey! I recently realized I didn't have Anon asks on! Now I do! Hopefully I won't regret this, maybe!

Uh so I've pretty much exclusively written plays that I then produced and directed. This means my perspective on playwriting is super specific and heavily biased by the three plays I produced from like 18-20.

This is going to be long so here's a read more.

(The website is not great but apparently it has samples of all three of the plays I put on. The monologue from Unhappy People made a LOT of people cry.)

I mainly produced through a local art festival in San Jose, California. Most cities have festivals like these, they're usually held in some downtown street where artists rent out spaces to set up canopies and usually sell their wares. Sometimes they do discounts for performers - I think I'd pay like less than a hundred bucks for the weekend, maybe. And then I paid for a canopy. You might not need that, though. I would put out a donation jar and put up signs around the block with the two "showtimes". Both times I think I made enough to pay for my space, plus a bit extra.

All the money I made went straight into the next show. I did not make any profit for myself. I did make the right connections to do a show inside, on an actual stage. If you're ever in San Jose, catch a show at the Art Boutiki. It's super cool and I left my troupe's signature on the wall of the green room.

Producing plays was, in my experience, more accessible than I thought it would be. Not profitable, certainly - but fun, and extremely validating. If you're willing to send emails and have conversations that are a little vulnerable, you can get surprisingly far. And when you direct a story into a cohesive, collaborative whole, it's an incredible feeling. When you see the way an audience reacts, it's even better.

You need a play to do all that first, though. So what have I learned from writing plays?

Dialogue is usually a crucial element. if you're familiar with absurdist and experimental theater, you'll know there are plays with little to no actual lines. Samuel Beckett's "Breathe", for instance, a real play that exists and can be produced. Of course I'm personally of the belief that before you deconstruct the expectations of a medium, you should know how to build something. So if you hate dialogue, if you think it's lame and dumb and avoid it at all costs - I won't say don't write theater, but I'd love to talk to you and find out why you're drawn to it as a concept.

How do you write dialogue? I'm not - certain, really? I'm sure there's several paths to get to the same place. I'm sure it doesn't hurt to read a lot of books and watch a lot of movies and plays - all of which from different eras and genres whenever you can. Just absorb a vast spectrum of different ways people talk. I think this is like my one form of writing advice across the board. Eavesdropping and people watching are also super useful - I usually do this at busy coffee shops or parks.

Early on I got a lot of use out of reading my dialogue out loud. Having it sound "real" is remarkably less important than making sure it sounds the way you want it to sound. Sometimes dialogue in writing isn't supposed to sound the way people actually talk. Sometimes people speak in poetry. Sometimes they rant in riddles (Side note: I couldn't remember Sarah Kane's name but she is the first result if you Google women playwright eating baby which absolutely says a lot about her type of vibe). Theater brings an allowance of abstraction. For some reason, when writing dialogue made specifically for people to hear spoken to them in person, an audience tends to not question when it doesn't sound like how people actually talk. It's weird.

There's a lot of limitations in theater. Even more so when you have a super limited budget. At the same time, there are a ton of workarounds that do way less and yet paint the same effect. Lights, sound, basic set pieces - all of these things can imply grander elements when you can't actually depict them. It's a tricky balance, though, so I personally tend to stay super simple. Most of the plays I've written don't require anything other than chairs and a table or two.

If you have a table and some chairs you can absolutely just move them around and use dialogue and a few props to establish you're in an office, or a restaurant table, or a kitchen nook - whatever. It's implication and illusion. An audience is able to fill in the gaps. It's like playing pretend when you were kids - you had nothing in terms of effects, but you all understood where you were.

I would also say keeping things vague in the stage directions of a written script is also super valuable - for me, at least. You'll see varying degrees of specificity depending on the playwright - Tennessee Williams leans meticulous, using paragraphs just to describe the set of a play, while Tom Stoppard give very little in terms of character direction and fucking nothing in terms of set pieces. There's a clear spectrum here.

The less you explicitly write, the more is left to actors and the production team. I think this is cool, so while I write a decent amount of stage direction I like to phrase it in a way that allows multiple interpretation. Instead of taking a dramatic scene and describing how the character trembles their lips and releases a sob, then crumples into a chair, head in hands before slumping to the floor - I would probably just say she breaks. That can be seen in a lot of different ways depending on the actor, which I enjoy. It's cool in theater to open yourself up to the collaboration other actors can bring to enhance your story in ways you never would've predicted.

A few more things that are also kind of my own opinion, but I'll say them anyways. If you get the chance to direct your own work, even just for a reading, don't refuse to cast a role purely because it doesn't fit the Exact Mold you had in mind. Consider different possibilities! You might be blown away by the atmosphere created by making a casting choice you didn't initially intend for. Collaboration is a beautiful part of theater. Writing and producing end up so much better when you don't work from a place of blatant ego! This is totally not referring to specific people I used to know and collaborate with!

Anyways this was a huge ramble but I'm happy you asked and I'm happy to talk about it. Feel free to hit me with more anons if you want to know anything else!

[anna-scribbles]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks for the tag @jattendschaton and @miabrown007!! blowing u guys kisses

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

8 💪

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

105,963

3. What fandoms do you write for?

miraculous ladybug<3

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

this question is great bc nearly all of my 8 fics make it in👍

golden (like daylight)

call it even

at our wedding

circles & cycles (right back where you started)

no other shade of blue, but you

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

sometimes!! I try to!!! not as often as i wish i did :( I was pretty consistently replying on call it even for a while but then i fell behind and it got overwhelming😭 there are so many lovely ones I go back and reread all the time though!!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

no other shade of blue but you maybe? not sure if it counts as angsty it's very short and ends with marinette just being sort of sad and wistful. i'm not built for angsty endings<3

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably golden (like daylight)! that's definitely the one i'm proudest of at least.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no not really!!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No👍

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

haha not yet but i've had an anastasia inspired fic in the works for soo long. one day i'll dust it off and finish

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

AHAHA YES I co-wrote call it even with my sister @sha-nwa!!! one of the most fun experiences of my life, abby's such an incredible writer and she did marinette so much justice.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

lovesquare (shocking)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

i have tooons of wips in my google docs but i am wary of posting anything on ao3 that’s not a one shot/something i’m sure i’ll finish. one i think might be lost to time is my ladrien greek mythology wip💔

16. What are your writing strengths?

a lot of comments I get are related to prose/description so maybe that? I tend to spend a lot of time trying to pick out the exact right words for each sentence so that it has the sonic/rhythmic quality i'm going for. golden is probably the best example of this; I worked and reworked those sentences for many months until I was satisfied haha. I remember wanting it to feel sort of like the building of a song

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

my writing can be sort of dense and hard to get through sometimes!! I think I have a tendency to try and pack a lot into every sentence, which is fun for me to write, but can be difficult to get through as a reader. it's sort of the polar opposite to how I approach drawing silly comics, where the goal is to deliver the point/joke as clearly and effectively as possible. writing puts me in a much more contemplative headspace, which makes my fic not quite as digestable I think

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I admit i am guilty of peppering in random french words in ml fic whenever I feel like it 💔 I usually use italics though

19. First fandom you wrote for?

dear evan hansen I think? (<-I was a very specific type of annoying in high school)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

have to give it to my og adrien essay golden (like daylight). it has all my favorite stuff. adrinette. what could loosely be called a plot. the word "something." I said what I needed to say

tagging anyone who wants to!!

[meownotgood]

20 fic writing questions, thank you for tagging me @hash-slinging-slasher-trash 💪💕

1) how many works do you have on ao3?

14 total works!!

2) total ao3 word count?

253,421.... damn... I haven't checked so I didn't expect it to be so much lol (that's a lot of aki)

3) what fandoms do you write for?

chainsaw maaaan (aki man) but I hope to write more for bg3 in the future because I really enjoyed it!!

4) top 5 fics by kudos?

#1 quiet dream with 1,009 kudos

#2 arrival in tokyo with 568 kudos

#3 fired with 473 kudos

#4 a little death with 413 kudos

#5 cherry waves with 389 kudos

the way my fic with the most hits and kudos isn't even aki... it's a dan heng x reader fic I wrote in like three days... 😭 I suppose it's because I wrote it right when hsr came out so I got in on it early... either way it makes me laugh LOL

5) do you respond to comments?

I try to! I read every one just sometimes too busy to reply

6) what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

the end x3 and last act are pure angst all the way thru. last act is definitely my fic with the darkest or angstiest ending (and also my least popular fic, interestingly) (I don't blame u for not wanting to read about aki dying we read to get away from that ok)

7) the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

happy does not exist in chainsaw man world so the gale fic I recently wrote has to be up there. gale please marry me so we can live happily ever after

8) do you get hate on fics?

not on my fics on ao3 I don't think but I've had anonymous hate mail telling me my writing sucks or whatever, it's to be expected at least once on tumblr so it doesn't bother me in the slightest haha

9) do you write smut?

hahha.... me? noooooo.... I'm innocent... (LYING)

10) craziest crossover?

never written a crossover fic but I've had a lot of dreams about aki meeting other characters if that counts

11) have you ever had a fic stolen?

......... unfortunately 😭 (let's not talk about the incident) (every time I see l*on k*nnedy I hear the voices)

12) have you ever had a fic translated?

not to my knowledge

13) have you ever co-written a fic before?

not exactly but I helped my beloved f1gments write her fic detour and she helped me a lot with under the influence, it wouldn't be a thing without her help!!! ily 💓💞💕💞

14) favorite ship?

me x aki (or akiangel I suppose)

15) a wip you want to finish but probably never will?

I wrote 10k words for a gun fiend fic that never ended up happening, he's quite difficult to write lol...

16) writing strengths?

writing a lot and being unshamefully crazy 💪

17) writing weaknesses?

dialogue is so hard for me 😭 also I need to have more confidence in myself!!

18) thoughts on dialogue in another language?

it's hot.

19) first fandom you wrote in?

if we're talking on ao3 it's chainsaw man, but if we're talking in general... I wrote my fair few of madoka magica and warrior cats fanfictions back in the days.....

20) favorite fic you've written?

I'll always hold a little death close to my heart <3 it was so fun to write and truly when I fell back in love with writing I think. I would have given up if it wasn't for the experience I had creating that fic

not sure who to tag but! anyone is welcome to join!

[klunkcat]

tagged by @goodlucktai <3333

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

45 lol but i have I think. 30 wips that exist somewhere on my computer at any given moment. alas.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

701,032

which..... is like far too many words per fic actually imo

3. What fandoms do you write for?

honestly whatever currently grabs my brain stem changes a lot but i think my top ones are tmnt and stranger things (what a wild combo actually). Actively atm I have a trigun wip and a tmnt one

4. Top five fics by kudos?

A Kiss is a Kiss (But it's never like this) - 6,528

(something happens and I'm) head over heels - 3,518

Green with Envy - 1,880

Forget the mess I'm in - 1,791

Weak Point - 1,366

5. Do you respond to comments?

literally I am the WORST for remembering to reply I'm so sorry. I must say that I do read all of them in my email and screenshot them and cry

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

angsty endings are too much 4 me I believe so strongly in hurt/comfort but....

Impossible Things and the Tin Can I think is the most like, conceptually tragic series I've written

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Comfort is a requirement but I think but like Stepping over the line is basically just an extended meet cute so nothing really sad happens at all lol?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Actually genuinely have never gotten a rude comment in my life I did once get someone being hyper pushy about new chaps when I was like.... 19? Sometimes comments veer I think towards misunderstanding unreliable narrator elements and can be a little intense as a result

9. Do you write smut?

ehhhhhh closest I've ever gotten was dancing around the topic lol

10. Craziest crossover?

omg me and tai have gone down some rabbit holes and made a tangled/good omens fusion among other things, which was cute 2 me

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've gotten some requests, not sure if they got uploaded anywhere?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I did once many years ago but we didn't end up finishing it from what I remember!

14. All time favourite ship?

oh god I mean. ineffable husbands and wangxian invented romance. big mckirk and vashwood fan despite what my published fics would tell you. stsg ruined my life this year. I'm really big on platonic friendships though personally

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My google docs are a cesspit of fics I will never finish. Once made a wangxian softball fic that will never see the light of day but I think of it fondly

16. What are your writing strengths?

Might actually be a weakness and not a strength but boy do I love prosey metaphor nonsense. Sometimes I think it works other times who's 2 say.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fighting scenes man, combat is hard as hell.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

in general I dooooon't write it too much just because I don't speak anything beyond like. grade 2 level spanish so.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

tmnt :' )

20. Favourite fic you've written?

Oh tricky. Stealing tai's idea of a top 5

Forget-Me-Nots - :') big ol love u to tai for this

Both the Sweet and the Bitter - so sorry to anyone who follows me for ST fics because I'm probably never going to write for it ever again or finish this but a dear friend of mine helped me with this story and it means a lot 2 me as a result. The flower metaphors were fun to research.

Plain White Beach Houses - also same as the above but idk pacific rim au....house metaphors.... I love this series a lot

change up, high inside - wanted to write a softball fic for my whole life basically and this is more or less me just waxing poetic about the sport if I'm honest

Feedback Loop - this fic was actually insane like. took me I think a full year to write out? There's a lot of stuff in this that I lol cannot reread anymore for reasons but damn if it wasn't a learning experience to write all around

Tagging @eternalglitch @byrdybyrd02 @jinbugs if u want to besties!

[unforth]

I've been trying for ages to figure out how to put something into words about The Youth In Fandom and I still don't think I've quite got it but I did reach an insight about it that I think is valuable enough that I'm gonna take a stab at writing it.

For starters, I want to make it clear, there is no "The Youth In Fandom Problem." Based on my efforts running the art sideblogs for danmei fandoms, I can say with a fair degree of confidence that a vast minority of people of all ages are antis, purity wankers, pro-censorship, ageist, etc. Even among people who mark their bios with their age, it's a shockingly low percentage of people under 18 who are being super weird about this stuff, and I think that's something a lot of older folks bemoaning The Younger Generation could stand to know and be reminded of. This isn't a majority, it's just a vocal minority, and tbh...that vocal minority has always been there, at least in my own fandom experiences.

That said, I've personally been the target of "y r u in fandom, old woman? Go take care of your kids!" bullshit, and yes it's definitely real and yes it definitely happens. (I am not old, I am not a woman, I was here before the people who said that to me were born, and I spend all the rest of my time taking care of my kids, so...).

All that introduction is to posit a theory:

The kinds of people who say "you should grow out of it, you're too old for fandom, etc." don't actually really...like what they like.

I know that sounds batshit. They're here blogging about it 24/7, of course they're obsessed! But I really genuinely find myself wondering...like...are they actually obsessed? Or are they just performing obsessed because that's what their peer group is doing? Are they just following along with their friends, mimicking their friends' enthusiasm, going with the flow because they're scared of what will happen if they say "actually I didn't think that show was very good"?

I ended up with this as a theory to posit because is to arrive at "you should grow out of it," you have to start with "I will grow out of it." And to get to "I will grow out of it," you have to start with "I may be into this now but I will definitely Change." And to get to "I will definitely Change," you have to start with the base assumption that loving certain types of media isn't just part of who you are, but rather a temporary persona you've assumed overlaying some deeper Self that will be revealed with time - or that's already been revealed and that you're deliberately masking for whatever reason.

Lemme put it less abstractly (but more longwindedly, lmao).

When I was 16, I was fucking terrified. There were all these things I loved - Star Trek, Hercules and Xena, Babylon 5, Slayers, Evangelion, Fushigi Yuugi, the Wheel of Time, many others - some I'd been into for years, some I'd only just discovered. And I looked at the adults in the world around me, who didn't sleep with stuffed toys, who got into long-term romantic and sexual relationships, who settled into careers that they stuck with for 20, 30, 40 years, who had heaps of responsibilities, and it was so frightening I literally had trouble sleeping at night. My senior year of high school, I trained myself to sleep with a pillow instead of a stuffie because "what would people in college think if they saw me snuggling a stuffed wolf?" That was something I was prepared to sacrifice to be An Adult (tm), something I was (irrationally) ashamed of, something that wasn't so much a part of my personhood that I couldn't give it up. When I left home to go to school at 17, I left my wolf at home. (I brought him with me a year later, and he's now on my bookshelf. Less disposable than 16-year-old me thought, as it turns out, but that's another story.) But there were things about myself I wasn't prepared to sacrifice to fit in during college. I still wore my Star Wars shirt. I still hung my anime posters. I still listened to J Pop. My roommate might judge me. My classmates might judge me. My professors might judge me. I didn't care. Loving those were part of who I was, and I wasn't prepared to give that up.

I found solace by looking at the adults in my life who hadn't had to give up their "childish fancies." I looked at my mother, who introduced me to Star Trek, and thought if she didn't have to stop loving Star Trek to be An Adult, then why should I? I looked at my grandfather, on whose bookshelves I first found the Lord of the Rings, and thought if he didn't have to give up LotR to be An Adult, then why should I? They might not wear fandom shirts, they might not go to conventions, they might not engage in the same way that I did, but they still loved these things, and it gave me hope.

When I was saw adults who still did fan things, who dressed how they wanted, who had cool hair styles or colors, who had tattoos, I thought "wow, what a cool person. I hope I get to grow up to be like them. I hope I'll be that comfortable in my own skin when I'm that age, because I'm sure not that comfortable in my own skin NOW."

I'll have to change in some ways - find A Career, figure out this "attraction" thing everyone keeps fucking talking about, buy a house, all the rest - but I'll be able to love the things I love.

I will still be "me" when I'm an adult, just Me-Plus-More.

I wanted to grow up to be that adult. I was prepared to take figurative arrows, to fight, to slog through, to retain the part of me that felt most valuable - my ability to love the things I loved without apologizing for it. And I knew I could do that, because I already had. Man, the shit people gave me in middle school for being an out-and-proud Trekkie? smh. It was baaaaad.

Time passes. Now I'm 40, and yes, I have changed. I've had more than one career. I got married. I figured out I never did have to figure out that "attraction" shit because I learned asexuality existed and. uh. Oh. I had children. I bought a house.

And I still have a bookcase of manga and I still have a Tumblr blog and I've found new fandoms - many, many new fandoms - nearly all for franchises that didn't even exist when I was 16 and so so scared that I used to literally break down and cry over the prospect of "having" to "give up childish things."

I got myself through on the belief that I'd still be me, and I was right. More than 20 years later, I AM still me.

And that's what leads me back to "why do The Youth think they'll age out of fandom?" And it leads me back to "I can only assume their fandom participation is mostly performative." Because look. This is who I was when I was 10 and read Lord of the Rings, and it was who I was when I was 12 and I started watching Star Trek when Voyager debuted, and it's who I was when I was 17 and I pulled an all-nighter to watch the second season of Fushigi Yuugi, and it's who I was when I was 21 and spent my birthday totally sober and gaming with my friends, and it's who I was at 26 when I got buried up to my eyeballs in Supernatural, and it's who I was at 37 when I watched The Untamed and knew as easy as breathing oh my god I've found the next obsession.

If it's an embraced, realized, adored part of your persona, there's absolutely no reason to think it's going to go away. And there's no reason nor need for it to. There are always gonna be people who judge others for having passions, and there are always gonna be people who embrace others for having passions, and you just gotta identify and avoid the former and find and adore the latter. If you're young, and you love fandom, and you're afraid you, too, will "have to" give up childish things...congratulations! You've got nothing to be afraid of! You never have to change that aspect of yourself!

But...I know these teens on Tumblr who are bullying others already know that because they can see us everywhere. And instead of going, as I did, "oh wow, those older people who still love the things they love are cool! how reassuring! I can be like them!" they think "EW OLD PERSON NOT ALLOWED THIS IS MY ROOM DO NOT ENTER."

And that's weird. When I try to think, "What kind of mentality would lead someone to feel that way, act that way, etc.?" I arrive at: being in fandom is something that they're embarrassed about. Something they're ashamed of, that they think is shameful. Something childish and therefore only for kids, even when the media they're a fan of is entirely made for and by adults. Something they think is made for them in that moment but that they'll be able to easily discard when they move on to more important parts of their lives. Something they know in their heart is transient. Something they're just doing because their friends are doing it.

That's when they'd think "why would an adult still do this?"

When it's something you "know" will be "just a phase," you don it like you don the identity of "high school student," something that'll get shucked a minute after graduation.

And while I found the idea of giving up fandom terrifying, I again can only assume that for these type of person, NOT giving up fandom becomes something terrifying. "Of course this is transient. Of course I'm going to change. I can't wait to change, I hate who I am now! Why did these so-called adults not change? Changing to not like this kind of thing is a sign of Maturity and Adulthood that I am eagerly waiting for, because I believe there's something wrong with being this way, and therefore I assume the adults I see doing this are immature, have something wrong with them, are childish, cannot be Doing Adulthood Right, because they didn't give up the thing."

"I know, in my heart, that I can't WAIT to change, so if they don't want to change, if they haven't changed, something must be wrong with them."

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is the only reason. People are way too complex for there ever to be One Explanation Of All. I'm sure some of the teens who engage in ageist bullying just think they're ~cool~ and ~different~ and their name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Others are just uncomfortable with adults, with or without cause, and think "you don't belong in the same space as me." Some surely have drank the conservative kool-aid even as they've tried to change and are pantomiming the bullshit they were fed by those around them in new and unpleasant ways. Some think "this media was made for people like me and anyone who isn't like me can't possibly be engaging it in the Correct And Proper Way."

Some will grow out of it - out of fandom, or out of thinking that being an adult in fandom is wrong/bad/inappropriate/immature/whatever.

A few especially unpleasant ones...won't.

Unlike young!me, who looked at fannish grown ups and thought "wow, I could grow up to be like them, they're so cool!", you think "ew, I hope I don't grow up to be like them, they're so weird!"

And if that's you...why are you here?

If you don't actually like who are you when you're in fandom, that's okay. You don't have to stay. If you lose your friends because your interests change, then those friends stink and you didn't need them anyway; people who actually care about you will always keep by your side even if your interests and theirs diverge. But just cause YOU are performing your interest in fandom...doesn't mean the rest of us are. Some of us genuinely like it here. And you might think that's fucked up of us, but it's honestly none of your fucking business. You do what you gotta do to grow up, and leave the rest of us already-grown-ups alone.

And if you do genuinely love it and you're just scared because you think you'll have to change - that you'll reach some mystical age of majority and suddenly wake up a different person...you won't. For better and for worse, you'll still be you, so if there's things about yourself you don't like, it'd be better to start working on unpacking that psychological baggage now, because there's never gonna be a miracle point where you Feel Better And Like An Adult unless you put in the effort to change.

Teenagers...you will not grow up to be a new person. You will never give up who you are. You will grow up to be You-Plus-More.

And if that's something you hear and go "omg that's great news!" then I'm glad to be the one who told you. Take heart. There's hope. You can be you and that WILL be okay. You can face up to and grow from the things about yourself you don't like. You can learn more about yourself. You have time, and you will be able to improve yourself, to become more like the parts of yourself you like and less like the parts you hate.

And if that's something you hear and go "oh god no that's the worst" then you need to stare that reaction in the face and understand that the only way change is coming is if you make it happen for yourself. No one is strong-arming you into being a fan. If it's not for you...then stop. It's literally that easy. But don't take out your uncertainty and fear on other random people who are more comfortable with themselves than you are. Most of us are not here because of fear. We're here in the face of our fear, as a fuck you to our fear, because we also grew up being told we'd have to give up so-called childish things to be An Adult, and it turns out that was a pile of bullshit and we can have careers AND anime posters. And we can afford more anime posters, cause our parents are no longer telling us how to spend our money.

If your participation in fandom is primarily performative...just stop performing. Be yourself, and find your OWN passion, and stop shitting on the people who have managed to be more true to themselves and their own interests. You're not cool and edgy and different; you're just an asshole and a bully, and I pity you.

Anyway as you can tell from this rambly mess of a post, I haven't really gotten my finger on my point yet, but idk. I've been thinking about this and I think there's something there???

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

I have more thoughts about Chalice of the Gods

When I was getting through the first hundred pages or so I was a little :/ prob because I’m getting back into the books over a decade later and I had Expectations that I didn’t have as a kid. You could have thrown anything at me and I would have been DELIGHTED just to hear more of Percy’s story. I think the nostalgia factor was actually kind of a negative for me because I kept getting mad at the modern references and how low the stakes seemed to be. I did see a post about how it was good that Rick kept the books at whatever time he wrote them (in terms of references) because it’s literally just like the olympians growing and modernizing. You can’t stay stuck in the past. And I think keeping that perspective in mind will make rereads a lot more fun.

The low stakes seemed to bother me just because we’re so used to seeing Percy in horrible world ending situations and we just got out of HOO. But he really did deserve a break and it was helpful with developing his characterization

I didn’t expect the books to make me feel so emotional! I’ve been out of the horrifying college admissions process for a while now. But the questions he was wrestling with were very universal. At this point he’s accepted that the gods are what they are. There’s not much he can do to change them. He has to focus on himself and his future. And I am a little disappointed that his goals all seem to be around Annabeth. Like I love them but also he’s going to new Rome JUST for her it seems. But also when I was in high school I decided to go to college because that’s what Everyone Does right. I didn’t know trade school was an option. Feeling a little bit like ur life is on a set path and your choices are controlled by other people a bit was at least part of my high school experience. But also from a story perspective it does make sense that he wants to stick with Annabeth! They’ve been through a ridiculous amount together.

Sally having a kid and the emotions that it brought up was also a good way to show that transitional period between leaving home and starting a new life. Your parents are going to move on and do their own thing and their lives won’t revolve around you anymore. Also in general the whole Paul/sally/percy/annabeth dynamic was fucking amazing. The way Paul and sally accepted Annabeth into their lives and how happy they all are is what she fucking deserves!!

I think the end is what really got me. Some of it felt really silly and I did absolutely roll my eyes when Percy told the god he loved him and hugged him. But also him ACCEPTING that he would likely get old was so cathartic. This is a boy who was supposed to die at 16. And barely escaped death again after having his memories wiped and falling into fucking Tartarus. Hes never gotten a break and hes said, in multiple books, that he expects to die very young. This is the first time he says ‘wait I might survive this. I might get old and if I do it’ll be by Annabeth and Grover’s side.’ Percy fucking Jackson who has been the subject of COUNTLESS prophecies, who is reminded time and time again that he isn’t supposed to exist, even by people that he loves, (that was a lil mean of u in the intro Poseidon) CHOOSES to accept that he might get old. Like of course this boy doesn’t have much of a plan for his life yet other than ?? Follow Annabeth?? When has he gotten a chance to think about it!

This is something I did project upon a bit because I didn’t except to live to 18! Or 20! Or 22! And it’s only now at 24 that I’m starting to Accept that I might be here a little longer than I expected and now I have to Plan Accordingly. Like I have to learn these stupid life skills and figure out what I Want from my life now. And unlike Percy, I’m a little angry about it lol because I never expected to have this problem!! But, I too, am slowly accepting that time on earth is a gift or whatever. At the very least I’m stuck here for the foreseeable future so I might as well use it to learn who I am. I GUESS. In my life, Death has always been this ever-present choice I could take if things got a little too tough and I don’t know if that door will ever fully close but I have been dragged away from it kicking and screaming so. Might as well stick around. I’m still a little bitter about it honestly but I’ll get over it. I have to learn how to COOK guys. How fucked up is that. To care about the mundane all of a sudden??

Anyways. I doubt that’s the metaphor Rick was going for, it was probably more of a ‘your childhood ends! You’re gonna get older and that’s a good thing’ instead of a ‘one day you might not have killed yourself and you’ll realize that you’re actually stuck living this life and you gotta learn to fucking deal with it.’

Ok I could go on for hours so this is the last thing. Percy’s conversation with Poseidon, about how small waves are the ones that matter the most, REALLY resonated with me. Like I think I teared up at two parts of this book, the old age part and the conversation with between them at the end. It’s really easy to convince yourself that the way you alter your life is through Sweeping All-Consuming Change where you move to a different continent and begin anew. Unfortunately, through bitter experience, I’ve learned that’s not how things fucking work. Changing your surroundings does lead to new experiences but it doesn’t make ur problems go away! I moved halfway across the state and got what I genuinely believe is the best job on earth and I. Still have the same issues?? And then I thought ok maybe I was wrong this Wasn’t the best job I just need to find one that’s Better but that’s. Not how things work.

This is getting away from me but basically what I’m trying to say is u can make grand changes and it might fix u for a little while but unfortunately you have to put in the work and do the stupid boring mundane things like go on walks and journal and exercise and do things that scare the fuck out of u to actually change and grow and it’s so goddamn annoying. I should be able to become a different person just by being somewhere else but I can’t.

Wait I’m supposed to be relating this to Percy Jackson. So Percy can go on these life altering world defining quests right. And make all the right choices. But who he is at his core is defined by the choices that he makes when the stakes aren’t that high. When it would be So Easy to walk away from Ganymede and go live his life. And I know some people didn’t like that Poseidon was like ‘this is when I knew you were a hero’ of fucking COURSE he knows Percy has been this hero his whole life. But he’s also this person when there isn’t some prophecy, when he doesn’t have to be, when it’s just a mild inconvenience. It’s easy to talk about changing the world. It’s harder to go out there and take those little baby steps that don’t feel like they matter all that much. He has actually changed the world and just not talked about it but hopefully u get what I’m saying. I just liked that thing about small waves being able to sweep you off your feet when you didn’t expect it ok!! Most change is incremental!!

Ok that’s it. Loved Chalice, will probably enjoy it more on a reread and it resonated with me in ways I didn’t expect.

[pretty-chaotic-world]

if my BPD can scream

1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane

2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 

3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 

4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed

5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home

6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.

8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 

9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.

10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????

11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 

12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?

13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone

15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"

16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 

17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 

18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.

19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer

20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 

21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!

23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 

24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.

25. this is how my eating cycle goes

feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening

26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE

27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 

28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you

29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 

30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe

31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class

32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 

34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child

35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time

36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster

37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 

38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)

39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake

40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 

41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 

42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.

43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?

44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?

45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 

46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  

47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader