#and like. if you give them a walkie so you can chat with them they’re going to hear a bunch of grown-ups shitting their pants

[comixandco]

concept: take your kid to work day but you work for The Company

[steddilystranger]

blue butterfly (a life is strange au)

blue butterfly is a story-based fic that features reader choice. the consequences of your collective choices will affect the past, present, and future. the poll, with a duration of one week, is below the cut. choose wisely...

masterlist || part one || cw: character death, drugs

readers chose: help jonathan

Steve steps in. “Hey, leave him alone, jackass!” 

Jonathan exhales shakily behind him, but Callahan puffs up. “Harrington. Why do I always find you in the middle of everything?” 

Steve sneers. “I wouldn’t have to be if you weren’t bullying Jonathan. You’re not even supposed to be in here anyway.” 

Callahan advances, forcing Steve to back up. “Listen here, I can go wherever I damn well please, Steven Harrington. And this isn’t your problem. Piss off.” 

Steve holds an arm in front of Jonathan, planting his feet. “I’m not leaving.” 

Callahan’s walkie buzzes on his hip, and Steve can hear the tinny voice of Principal Higgins saying something he can’t quite make out. He grumbles and backs off. “I’ll remember this, Steve.” He turns on his heel and leaves. 

Jonathan gives him a weak sort-of smile. “Thank you, Steve.” 

“No problem. I gotta run-” Steve’s phone buzzes in his pocket, and that’s definitely Robin getting impatient. “-but call me if that dick bothers you again. I mean it!” He takes off at a jog towards the exit.

Steve leaves the dorm building, and Robin’s sitting with Vickie on a bench outside, chatting. He was right, she is wearing his sweatshirt. 

“Ready to go, Robbie? Hi, Vickie.” 

Robin swings her legs off the bench and pops up. “Yep, let’s go. Bye, Vickie!” 

Vickie waves at them, then pulls out her camera. Right, the assignment from Brenner. 

“She definitely has a thing for you.” Steve tells Robin in a low whisper.

Robin hits him on the arm. “She thinks I’m dating you, dingus!” she says. 

“Ah, you’re right, you’re right.” Steve says. “It’s ‘cause you’re wearing my hoodie. If I just take it back-” 

“Noooo,” Robin whines, a hint of laughter in her voice as she tries to dodge Steve. “It’s the only thing that matches!” 

Steve laughs and lets go of the hood. “Fine, fine. You win.” They step out into the parking lot. “Any plans for us for the night?” 

Robin shrugs. “Anywhere that isn’t Blackwell is fine with me.”

“Amen. Two Whales Diner?” 

“Ooh, I could go for some pancakes right now.” She rubs her hands together greedily, and Steve grins, swinging his keys around in his hand. 

“Two Whales it is.” He catches a glimpse of something blue in the corner of his eye. 

The butterfly. 

“I have something crazy to tell you.” Steve tells Robin. “And you have to believe me.” 

Robin squints at him, walking backward. “Alright, shoot.” 

“Earlier today, I fell asleep in class-” 

“What a model student,” Robin teases, but at the look on Steve’s face, she rearranges her expression into something serious. “Go on, I’m listening, I’m listening.” 

“I can rewind time.” Steve says. Concise and to the point. “Billy was in the bathroom, threatening a guy with a gun, and then he shot him, and I rewound time to save him.” 

“That’s- Steve, holy sh-” 

There’s a horn, and a horrible sound. Steve’s world freezes just as the front of a car slams into Robin. The world goes black and white and near-silent, Robin’s dying scream echoing through his ears.

Steve’s got it, pulling time hand over hand backwards. He lands back at Robin saying, “Alright, shoot.” 

Instead of responding, Steve pushes her bodily out of the parking lot and onto the yellowing grass. A few seconds later, a car roars by. 

“Holy shit.” Robin says. “That was close.” 

Steve can’t breathe. Robin scoots closer and puts her hand on his back. “Steve? It’s alright, we’re both fine. The drivers here are so shit.” 

“I-” Steve coughs. His heart is pounding painfully in his chest. They’re both fine, but for a split second, they weren’t, and Steve feels like there’s a corner of his mind that will be replaying that split second for the rest of his life.

He manages to get to his feet, helping Robin up. They head towards Steve’s car, now sticking close to the line of cars so there aren’t any more nasty surprises. 

It doesn’t work. As they reach Steve’s car, he’s suddenly tackled against the driver door. Billy Hargrove, his breath smelling like alcohol, slams him facefirst into his car. 

“The fuck did you do?” he hisses at Steve. “Security said you told them I had a fuckin’ gun? Fuck’s wrong with you?” He flips Steve around so his back is to the car.

“Robin!” Steve chokes out. “Go get security!” 

Robin stares in horror at Steve’s bleeding nose, then nods and slips out of the parking lot, running like a bat outta hell towards the school. 

Steve tries to knee Billy, but he dodges it and slams Steve back into the car door. “You’re gonna fuckin’ pay for ratting me out!” he growls. 

All that comes out of Steve’s mouth is a weak cough. 

Then someone punches Billy in the face. 

Out of nowhere, someone, dressed in leather and black, their curls falling around their face, tackles Billy off him. 

The boy from the bathroom, is all Steve can think.

Then the boy looks up at him and all his thoughts are replaced by big brown eyes and childhood memories. “Eddie?” he whispers breathlessly.

“Steve?” Eddie says in wonder. 

Billy begins to move and groan on the ground. 

“We gotta move!” Eddie says, and he darts around the front of the car and slides into the passenger seat. “C’mon, let’s go!” 

Steve doesn’t argue. He slides into the front seat and starts the car. 

“Head to my place.” Eddie tells him. Then remarks icily, “Unless you’ve forgotten where it is?”

“No, no, I- I got it.” Steve replies. He looks in his side mirror. Billy’s on his feet, swaying slightly, glaring after them. “God, Billy’s dangerous.” 

“Oh, thanks for the save, Eddie!” Eddie says in a mocking tone. He kicks his feet up on the dash, grumbling. “After seven years you’re still Steve Harrington.” 

“Thanks, Eddie.” Steve says genuinely.

The house looks practically the same as when Steve came here all those years ago, and he puts the car into park. Eddie opens the door. “Shithole sweet shithole,” he says. “Rosie and Phil are still at work.” 

He throws a wad of paper towels at Steve. “For your nose, dude.” he says at Steve’s confused look. 

Steve had forgotten about that. His shirt is definitely ruined, but he presses the paper towels to his nose anyway. Eddie makes a little head motion upstairs, and Steve follows him. 

“So Chicago sucked ass?” Eddie asks, reclining on his mattress. He flicks a lighter open and lights up a joint. 

“It was alright.” Steve takes a seat on the edge of the bed. “Lonely, I guess.” 

“Really?” Eddie blows out a puff of smoke. “Thought you’d fit right in up there.” He waves a hand. “All the…sports fans or whatever.” 

“No, not really. Prefer to play more than watch.” Steve props himself up on his hands, gazing back at the ceiling. If he squints, he can still see the glow-in-the-dark stars he had helped Eddie and Wayne put up for Eddie’s tenth birthday. “Can’t even do that anymore, so I came back here.” 

“Bullshit.” Eddie says. “You came back for Blackwell.” 

Steve looks over at him. Eddie’s resolutely staring at the ceiling like it wronged him in some way. “Don’t you think I missed you?” 

“Nope. You were perfectly fine waiting seven years without even a call.” Eddie retorts. 

Steve swallows. “I wanted to. But leaving Hawkins-” 

“Can it, Harrington. Your laptop and cell phone didn’t get shot back to the 1980s. You didn’t call. End of story.” 

Steve’s phone buzzes. It’s Robin.

platonic soulmate: so you said you had something to tell me?

Steve stares at the text. His mind begins to play Robin’s scream on loop, like it’s rewinding in his brain.

He swallows. 

It’s nothing. Never mind.

Steve shoves his phone deep in his pocket and sits forward. His foot brushes a box. When he leans down to look at it, he realizes he recognizes it. When he was eleven, he gave Eddie this wooden box. Had hand painted it and everything. 

Steve flips open the lid. 

Right on top is a picture of a girl. Chrissy Cunningham, if Steve’s memory serves. He picks the photo out of the box and unfolds it. Eddie, dressed to the nines in his best leather and chains, stands next to Chrissy in her preppy cheer uniform. There couldn’t be a more mismatched duo. 

And yet, they look perfectly at ease next to each other, Eddie pulling a stupid face with devil horns and his tongue out, and Chrissy laughing prettily at his antics. 

“Give me that.” Eddie snatches the photo and the box from Steve’s hands. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.” Steve says. “I…didn’t know you two were close. Her missing posters are all over Blackwell.” 

“Yeah, I put them up. She was my angel.” Eddie says, staring down at the photo. “After Wayne died and you left, I felt…abandoned. She saved me.”

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I had no idea.” 

“Yeah, well, you never made much effort to find out.” Eddie snapped. “I was thirteen, Steve. We were best friends.”

“So Chrissy took my place.” Steve said. “I’m glad she found you.” 

“We were gonna kick the world’s ass, Stevie. You would’ve laughed at how different we were.” Steve takes the nickname, turns it over in his mind. It feels like the Eddie of the past is coming back in this conversation.

“She looks like a movie star.” Steve offers. 

“That was her plan.” Eddie replies, putting the photo back in the box like he can’t bear to look at it anymore. “Get the hell out of Hawkins together, sign some deal in L.A., and never look back. Chrissy Cunningham and Eddie Munson, movie star and rock star.” 

“So what happened?” Steve asks. 

“Six months ago, Chrissy just…up and left. Without a word. Without…me. And I thought she would have talked to me, unlike you.” Eddie takes a long, angry drag on the joint. 

“And you haven’t heard anything from her since?” 

“No, Steve, Jesus. She left me. Like you, and Wayne, and everyone else I love in this shitty town.” He crosses his arms, looking away resolutely. 

Steve’s phone buzzes again. He pulls it out. 

[Unknown Number]: hey, it’s jonathan byers. i just wanted to say thanks again for what you did for me today. 

Steve types his response out quickly. No problem, man. Happy to help. Hope you have a good night!

“What’s this?” Eddie asks, and Steve clicks off his phone. Eddie’s looking at a small Polaroid, and Steve pats at his pockets. It must have fallen out when Steve took out his phone. “I’ve seen this before!” Eddie says, and Steve peers over at it. 

It’s the blue butterfly. 

“You were in the bathroom today?” Eddie asks, locking eyes with him, and all Steve can see is Eddie challenging Billy, Eddie with a gun to his head, Eddie slumped against the bathroom wall, blood pooling around him. “That’s why Billy was so mad at you! You ratted him out!” 

Steve shrugged. “I couldn’t let him run around Blackwell with a gun, even if I don’t think Higgins is gonna do anything about it.” 

Eddie laughs, and it feels like the air clears a little. “No way, that prick only cares about money.” 

Steve nods. “I pulled the fire alarm to get him out of there. I was afraid of what he’d do if I let it escalate.” I know what would have happened, he adds to himself. 

“You called the fire alarm…” Eddie sits back, and the Polaroid flutters from his fingers. “You saved my fuckin’ life.” He shakes himself a bit. “Did you recognize me?”

“Not at all.” Steve says. “I really only saw your back, and your hair was so different.” 

“And you definitely heard our conversation.” Eddie says. “No way you didn’t hear every single syllable. 

Steve shrugs. “I only heard something about money…drugs? I didn’t really understand it.” 

Eddie nods. “Yeah, it’s some big shit. I saw Billy-”

The door downstairs slams open with an almighty crash, and Eddie says, “Shit, hide!” 

Steve fumbles around the room, looking for a good hiding place. Eddie’s closet is crammed full of things Steve can’t ever picture him wearing, so that’s out. 

His bed is just a mattress on the ground, so under there is out too. 

Steve moves towards Eddie’s cluttered desk, intending to squeeze under there, but Eddie’s door opens before he can. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” a vaguely familiar voice growls, and Steve leans back as the security guard from Blackwell stalks towards him. 

Eddie steps in front of him. “Cool it, Phil, it’s just Steve.” 

“Oh, I know exactly who this is.” Callahan mutters angrily, and Steve tries and fails for a winning smile. Then Callahan’s face freezes, and he takes an inhale. 

“What the fuck? Is this weed?” Callahan storms over and grabs the badly-hidden joint. “Thought I fuckin’ told you not to smoke here!” He advances on Eddie.

[kaunis-sielu]

Presidential: 5

“First Lady Eliers.” You say in surprise, you’d wanted to be alone but if it had to be anyone in the bathroom with you she’s pretty much the only one you’d want to run into.

“That’s your title now First Lady Hill. I just go by Mrs. Eliers now.” She says with a small smile.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here today.”

“Last minute decision.” She gestures at the door at your back, “Want to talk about it?” You sigh heavily dropping your head back against the door.

“How did you do it? I’ve been First Lady for like six months and I’m going crazy. I have four alpha males on my six every second of the day.”

“Well, I insisted on having a woman on my team.” She gestures to the other woman in the bathroom, “Carol Danvers, the First Lady.” She nods at you and you smile back.

“Secondly, you need to remember you’re their boss. If you don’t like how they’re handling a situation you can tell them. They won’t change without the push.” She explains kindly.

“They’re just so stupid!” You tell her stalking away from the door as you throw your hands up in irritation.

“They’re men dear.” She teases with a laugh.

“And don’t even get me started on the politicians!” You groan. This gets a full belly laugh from the former First Lady. “I feel like that part in Aladdin where Jasmine is like ‘I’m not a prize to be won!’ Do I look like a fool? I know that they’re doing.”

“I didn’t have to deal with that one. You need to find someone to act as if he’s your boyfriend. Keep all those boys away.” You chuckle softly. “Maybe someone like that Steve Rogers. He could protect you and intimidate the boys.” She throws you a wink as she and Carol leave the restroom. Steve peers in at you while the door is open and you decide she’s right. You pull the door open again and grab Steve’s sleeve pulling him into the bathroom, you must have surprised him otherwise there’s no way you could’ve moved him that easily. You disconnect him from his team by pulling the wires out of the walkietalkie he’s wearing at his hip.

“Lady?”

“Shut up and listen to me. We only have a minute before your boys storm the room. I need a favor from you. I need you to act as my boyfriend. My date to events.”

“What?”

“Otherwise I have to bring a civilian to all this shit that I’m representing my uncle at and you’ll have to protect them too.” You explain in a soft, rushed voice, please agree. Please, please agree.

“That’s a good point.” He says in a thoughtful voice, “Why me? Why not Scott or Bucky.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t hear the conversation with Bucky.” You tell him leveling him with a look, “If I have to bring a date to events you’ll have to vet him. And he’ll have to be taught the procedures everything you already know!” He seems to mull it over, “Please Steve.”

“Fine.” You stare at him in surprise.

“Fine?” You repeat, just to make sure that you heard him correctly.

“Fine.” He says before plugging his walkie back in, there’s a pounding on the door and he gives you a warning look just before the door flies open.

“What the hell?” Sam snaps and Bucky eyes the two of you suspiciously.

“Sorry. I went in to check on Lady and my piece cut out.” You stare at him in confusion. Why isn’t he telling his team the truth? Scott nods then turns and heads back to his post, Sam and Bucky don’t seem to believe him. At least judging by the way they’re both staring at him.

“Everything is fine. Lady.” Steve says again before he offers you his arm and you take it with a gracious smile then let him escort you to your seat.

Steve plays your date for almost six months. If you’re not with The President then Steve goes as your date. He’s sweet and attentive and intimidating enough to keep the politicians from hitting on you. It actually makes it possible to enjoy your role as First Lady The rest of the team knows what’s going on, Bucky didn’t like it but after your chat with the former First Lady you let him know where you were coming from in an honest and firm but kind discussion. Scott doesn’t seem to give two shits and Sam basically shrugs his shoulders then moves on. It’s not until one bright afternoon when Tony asks you to come to the Oval Office that things get a little, awkward.

“Mr. President? The First Lady is here to see you.” His secretary says pushing open the door. She ushers you in and you give her a smile. Your smile freezes on your face when a man stands and smiles over at you. He’s got brown hair with grey at the temples, he doesn’t seem that much older than you.

“Hello, sorry am I interrupting?” You ask as you venture closer to Tony’s desk.

“No not at all.” Tony says with a wide grin. “This is Dr. Steven Strange, Dr. Strange my niece the First Lady.”

“First Lady.“ He says nodding down at you, "Please forgive me. I don’t shake hands.” You give him a little nod and he continues, “I’m a neurosurgeon.” He says then stares at you like he’s expecting something from you.

“Oh, pleasure to meet you Doctor.” You stand there awkwardly, you’re confused why did Tony call you here? You usually don’t come to the Oval Office unless he needs something, or you have business to discuss about your charity work.

“Oh, Dr. Strange is going to be your date to the National Summit.” Tony tells you offhandedly before signing some other piece of paper.

“Pardon?” You ask blinking at him in surprise.

“Your date. You need one.”

“Tony.” You warn him, your arrangement has been working well,

“You have to take a date.”

“Would you excuse us for a moment Dr. Strange.” You don’t ask, you tell him.

“Of course. It was a pleasure First Lady. Mr. President.” He says nodding at both of you before leaving.

“Tony, I have a date.”

“Your secret service detail does not count as a date.”

“But Tony.” You try to reason with him, this is absolutely not what you want.

“No.”

“Why?”

“It’s unprofessional.”

“This is going to piss my team off. They’re going to have to do an extensive background check, go over new escape plan details, brief him and come up with a new protection plan all in three days.“

"That’s their job!” Tony snaps as you fold your arms over your chest.

“No! Their job is to protect me! Not some rich doctor that’s donating to something or another of yours!”

“Hill.”

“Tony.”

“You’re going to do this because I’ve asked you to. You’re going to be polite, charming and kind. You will inform your team that I’ve added a date to your group for the summit and they will take care of what they need to. That is their job.” He says slowly and evenly. His tone of voice tells you that you’re not going to win this one.

“Yes President Pimp.“ You snark before you turn on your heel and storm out of the Oval Office. You hear him calling after you but you don’t stop.

"I’m wearing dark purple.” You tell Dr. Strange with a smile, before glancing at the watch on your wrist. “Sorry I’ve got another appointment.” You lie and he smiles at you again giving you a little nod. You’re seething and you need to let Steve, Bucky, Sam and Scott know of the change of plans as soon as humanly possible. Luckily, Steve and Sam are waiting for you outside the Oval Office.

He doesn’t even need to ask if you’re okay, he knows you’re not. “What happened?” Steve asks easily keeping pace with you. One of the disadvantages of being shorter than your security detail is that it’s almost impossible to lose them when you’re pissed and want a moment alone.

“I have a new date to the Summit.” You growl through a clenched jaw.

“Wait what? Who?” Sam demands as the three of you stalk through the hallway of the White House back toward your private room.

“His name is Dr. Steven Strange. I don’t know much about him except that he’s a neurosurgeon.”

“Sam get Scott on this.“ Steve orders and Sam mutters back,

"Copy.”

“Buck we need a new action plan.” Steve says into his piece, he’s quiet for a second before he responds with a terse, “Change of plans. Lady has a date.” It seems he doesn’t like it any more than you do.

Tag list:

@pokey-hedgehog @foxyjwls007 @andahugaroundtheneck @also-fangirlinsweden @pagina16ps @princesssterek @valsworldofcreativity @dumblani @inkedaztec @loving-life-my-way @animegirlgeeky @shinycupcakebaker @eralen @sophham @gh0stgurl @wonderlandfandomkingdom @abschaffer2

[glambots]

second part, probably have to extend to a third part.

It’s about 1:45pm when you find the final wet floor sign, pushed off into a corner. The little thing chirps at you and does it’s ‘joy’ emote sound. You pat it on its ‘head’-You know it’s just cameras, speakers, and lights, but they’re too cute to resist. You lead the little pack of them back to their charging station, peeling a sticker off of one. Now, off to find Chica, if she hasn’t been already. You know Chica, she probably saw a pizza with her favorite toppings get thrown away and just couldn’t resist. You begin your search in her usual spots and find the bins untouched. You check her room. There’s a suspicious lack of chickens. You check the party rooms, doing your best not to interrupt someone’s birthday.

“Hello, Y/N. Have you lost something?” You turn your head and sure enough, there’s Freddy Fazbear himself, cleaning cake off his paws with a Roxanne Wolf napkin. “Yeah, Chica, actually. You haven’t seen her, have you?” You ask. “I have not, I will tell you if I do.” He replies, popping the napkin into the bin to give you his full attention. “Monty had a party scheduled with her this morning, 6:25am. Perhaps you can ask him?” You nod and give Freddy a quick hug before going off to Gator Golf to ask.

“Thanks Fred!”

You wait until Monty is done teaching some kids the rules before approaching him. Interrupting him is one of his pet peeves, it’s awfully rude to purposely annoy someone while they’re working.

“Monty, I need ten minutes to ask you about a party at 6:25am.” It’s best to be specific with what you want-If you don’t waste his time he won’t be short with you. He gives you a small huff and lowers the golf club to his side.

“Do you know where Chica went after that party?”

“No.”

“Did she need maintenance after the party?”

“Nah.”

“Which party room was the 6:25 party held in?”

“Daycare party room, twins turning four.”

“Did anything strange happen?”

“Kids spooked because something loud fell, weird noise, and a kid dropped a slice of cake onto their brother’s pants.”

“What fell?”

“light I think.”

“What did the noise sound like?”

“You have two minutes left.”

“The noise, Monty?”

“Sounded like that time a kid dropped a bowling ball on their mom’s foot mixed with a smashed up walkie-talkie.” Monty chuckles to himself, probably picturing the aforementioned incident. “Thank you, Monty. It’s appreciated.” You say. “I’ll leave you to golf.” Monty snorts and turns his attention to a kid. That’s as close to a ‘you’re welcome’ as you’ll get, but you’ll take it.

So the last anyone had seen Chica was the Daycare party room right before the light fell and the Daycare was closed for maintenance. Maybe you could ask Sun? He wasn’t at maintenance, so he’s probably in his room, and he probably saw what happened! You’ll have to apologize for not chatting with him while you were there earlier.

Concern for Chica: *slightly increases*

[atomicblasphemy]

I really enjoyed episode 1 and all that. But I had a little bit more fun about with episode 2 and need to talk about a handful of thing.

So y’kno... spoilers, if that matters, probably not.

Really good to see lumity’s relationship is not developing at a pace that would force me to make a “they be pinning” amv to the sound of every breath you take.

The magic of semantics is actually real. Structural linguistic is the most powerful discipline in the Boiling Isles. One copy of that Saussure book there is tantamount to a nuclear warhead.

I was writing a fic that involved Luz and the twins breaking into Hexside, and Emira has an AK-47 she named V. After prying, Luz finds out the Blights do some obscure arms dealings and have the two had brought enough arsenal to start a war. It wasn’t supposed to adhere to cannon. I’m scared.

The Blights are this mix of Corleone, Lannister and Oppenheimer and I love it.

Bump: Best boi. Period.

Seriously, Luz’s dynamics with everyone there is just delightful. Mittens: we all know about it, no need to extrapolate here. The twins: absolutely delightful, lots of shenanigans to be had, would commit plenty of crimes against humanity for an episode of those two hanging out with either Luz or Eda. The parents: we’ll get to that.

I know what the fandom took to be Amity’s best line from this episode and all, I agree it is indeed great. BUUUUT. her best line for me is hands down “The ingredients are... very fresh”. That’s the kind of comedic gold I keep coming back to this show for.

Odalia and Alador. Horrible, horrible people. I mean, they’re capitalists so that should go without saying. That being said I absolutely adore them and am so happy we, as fandom, had our expectations regarding them as these uber machiavelian things shattered. They’re just capitalists, and probably not the most competent ones at that. And sure, they are terrible parents too, but not so much so that a little chat with a very angry Edalyn Clawthorne wouldn’t solve it enough. Like, seriously, to my utter shock I’m considering genuinely retiring my disturbing the noise pic in favor of Odalia’s cunning business woman/con artist grin.

They are fun, I’m having fun with those characters. And their dynamic is pretty cool too. For the most we as an audience are kinda led to believe she takes a more dominant role, but then Al speaks and she actually listens. They seem to be pretty in sync and that’s cool. Also that gem walkie talkie thingy as our first introduction to oracle magic was quite neat as well.

Their dynamic with Luz is also pretty interesting. Saw a bunch of people saying their problem with Luz would be something more a priori, something more beyond her control like her beyond human, her not having a bile sack (though I still headcannon the apendix being the human anatomical equivalent: meaning Luz will fart magic, but I digress). But nope. It was just: “Yo, your friendship with our daughter is not profitable for us. So shoo”.

That means that should prove herself an asset (which she kinda already did at least to Alador), it would all be smooth sailing for our little ship from then on. Therefore, one rubiks cube (specifically for Alador) and one Camry’s owner’s manual, both things that are probably in a pile of left over human garbage somewhere in The Owl House, and Lumity is golden.

I am seriously obsessed with the idea of Luz giving Allie boi a Rubiks cube. Without any ulterior motives or anything just like “yo, dude, thought you’d like this”, he looks at it for a few moments and just responds with a “welcome to the famiglia, lass”.

Moreover, here’s the thing about us, humans. We ain’t got no magic, so we need to resort to our ingenuity. Luz experienced our ingenuity and has enough of a passing understanding of our technology for them to be able to reverse engineer it. And I don’t mean just weaponry, pretty much anything that can be sold.  She sells her human experience to them for a share of the profits and a generous percentage of stocks  and blam: she’s set for life, thus solving the Clawthorne family money situation.

To clarify: Blights = famiglia; Clawthornes = family; Nocedas = familia. Luz will start saving for christmas presents in january.

Also, the golden boi appearance at the end there. Top notch, gotta say. Funding private research on weaponry is precisely the sort of shit a tyrant would do.

So, in conclusion. Here’s Luz’s currently relationship status with all Blights.

Oldest Blight children: potentially a blossoming friendship.

Youngest Blight child: Blossoming romance.

In-laws: Blossoming business partnership.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 5 Most Hated Characters

As y’all can see, this week’s T5F is a request sent in by anon. I picked it because I guess at the time I thought it would be fun to explore some of TWDG’s least popular, and most hated, characters while also taking into account characters that I can’t stand. 

These are characters that the vast majority of us don’t like or downright despise for many different reasons. None of us are going out of our ways to defend most of these bastards, and anyone who is I get the impression they’re doing so for the sake of being Different™... though while looking around for info about these characters and what people were saying about them, I did find myself in some odd places.... come across, eh... odd fanart. 

But I guess this is the part where I say this is all in good fun and if you happen to be a legit stan of any of these people, that’s cool. Maybe you can answer some of my questions as to why??

5. Nate 

Okay, when I said that I found myself in odd places, it turns out that Nate actually has a bit of a fanbase. It’s not big or anything, from what I can tell, but big enough for me to question why because I was under the impression that we all agreed that this dude sucks.

Seriously, I would’ve put him higher on this list if I hadn’t discovered this handful of people making fanart for him and claiming him as a comfort character. While I find that an odd choice, you do whatever makes you feel comforted, y’know? Just would like to understand why. 

As for the rest of us, he’s terrible. Every time I go back to 400 days, he’s someone I never look forward to seeing. I’ve even tried not getting in the truck with him while playing Russell’s story, but in true Telltale fashion, you’re forced to drive along with this creep. 

Red flags start going off when Russell’s sharing his story about his previous group, something you can tell left some trauma with him, and Nate is just weirdly fixated on the girl Russell liked. Like yeah okay dude, I get it, it’s the apocalypse and you haven’t had any action for a while but oh my god. 

Then the whole walker thing that almost gets Russell chomped is annoying. Oh, and how could I forget about how it’s implied that he attacked the old couple before and was there to finish them off, which he does no matter what and it’s not great. 

Hell, he even uses the line Russell gave him but it’s worse because crazy eyes. And if you don’t say anything, Nate murders them right there without a thought and then continues to be a real creep. Fuck this guy. 

As the wise Eddie once said, “I don’t what that guy in my life, man!” 

4. The Stranger

Hey, have I ever mentioned how much this dude sucks? 

I don’t even have to tell you why he’s on this list. We all know the obvious reasons-- manipulated and kidnapped Clementine, which caused Lee to get bit by a walker and fucking die. No one here is white-knighting for this dipshit. 

Sure, it sucks what the Stranger went through. He lost his family and that would be enough to drive anyone up the wall. I mean, just look at Kenny. But this dude, okay. Look. Listen. I can only feel so bad for you when you lost your son on a hunting trip that your wife told you not to go on, then when you went looking for him, you literally left the car unlocked and running for anyone to come across. Then you come back and gasp. So your wife leaves you for being a moron... then when you find her dead, you cut off her head and keep it like a damn bowling ball because...??

At least that’s what I get from it. The writers probably should’ve done a better job with explaining what the hell happened but y’know. 

That’s not the only reason no one likes this guy. Oh no, you also add to the pile that the Stranger himself is dull. As a character, the dude is just.... boring. And I get that’s probably what they were going for with the whole “I’m just a guy, but you ruined my life and made me this way.” 

However, when you set him up the way you did with the talks over the walkie and the stalking, I was expecting a bit more personality outta this loaf of soggy bread. But no... boring yet crazy. Interesting combo and I’m afraid it doesn’t work. 

3. Larry

Larry?? On a list of most hated characters?? Nooo...

Yeah, surprise. Larry also sucks. Stop the presses. 

Larry is a pain in the ass to deal with for two episodes, constantly belittling the people around him and treating his daughter like shit. Oh, and don’t forget how he behaves towards Lee even if you try to be as nice as possible. Nope, he doesn’t care, he still thinks Lee is garbage and will continue threatening to reveal Lee’s secret to the group. Who cares if that could fuck up the dynamic and endanger the group? Larry sure doesn’t. 

Until the very end, this dude is just a splinter in the foot. By the time you get to the meat locker and he has a heart attack, you’re not gonna save him because you think he’ll be better if he survives. No, you’re attempting to save him for Lilly and Clementine’s sake, and if you don’t even care about that, you siding with Mr. Family Man to smash his head in. 

Not only is he a soiled diaper, he also don’t have much personality outside of asshole. He has maybe two moments where he’s shown to be just a bit chill? I mean, Lilly tells us that he has a lot of pain and that’s why he’s like this.... but that doesn’t excuse his behavior. 

Oh, and can’t forget that apparently he was obsessed with Lilly leaving the lights on so he let the power get cut, so Lilly couldn’t eat ice cream and had to let her hair air dry like a heathen. Unforgivable. 

So yeah, fuck Larry. 

2. Troy

Ugh, Troy. Fuck this guy. 

No really, out of all TWDG characters, this dude and my #1 pick are my most hated. Can’t stand Troy and the only reason I didn’t do a tie for #1 is because for a split second, Troy does show a tiny bit of humanity when Carver is beating down Carver, but blink and you’ll miss it.

Which had me a little concerned to find a handful of posts about having crushes on Troy and drawing fanart but.... again, I guess you do you? And if you can, please explain why because I honestly don’t understand. 

Just looking at the screenshot of him annoys him. He’s got one of those punchable faces, y’know? 

Anyway, when playing as Clementine, I’m always worried that he’s gonna pop up outta no where and grab her by the neck like he does later in ep3, even though I’ve played s2 a bunch to know that he’s not going to. 

But hell, he doesn’t need any excuse to smack anyone around, and there are a handful of times he can really hurt Clem depending on her choices. 

Not great, dude. 

Can’t say I’m too sorry that Jane shot your dick off. 

1. Badger

Yeah, you guys remember Badger. Y’know.... the man who murdered Mariana then laughed about it, claiming that he enjoyed watching her head explode and would do it again and again if he could? 

That’s what puts him at #1. He may not have the most screen time like Larry or Troy, but when he is around, he’s fucking awful.

He gets joy from killing Mariana, like it’s some sort of sick thrill for him to go around murdering children and other innocent people. 

Remember Francine? Caught her and used her as bait to try and get Javi to come down, and even went as far as to have some fingers cut off. Like, he gets off on destroying people, entire communities.

Shit, he seems to even get off to his own beat down. 

He’s fucking gross and outta everyone on this list, I haven’t found a single person being like “Yeah, he’s garbage but I like him kinda?” like no, you’re such garbage that even the Different™ crowd don’t want you. 

Fuck Badger. 

By the way, if you’ve never had Conrad kill him in your game, I suggest looking it up. It’s pretty good. Gives Conrad a little bit of closure after what happened to Francine, as well as give Javi some closure for Mari’s murder. 

Not a single soul wept for you, Badger. 

---

Dishonorable Mentions

-Joan. She’s boring, forgettable, and no one is out here gushing over her because most of the time, we can’t even remember her name. -Danny from Vince’s story in 400 Days. Y’know, the dude going to prison because he was convicted of SA. I’ll never understand why people go with him over Justin. Justin sucks, too, but not the same level Danny does.  -Lilly in S4. Ugh. That’s a whole other topic for another day. -Arvo, though I guess he has a bit of a following, too

---

Well there ya go. Do you agree or disagree with any of my choices for this list? Or have anything to add? I’m always down to chat.

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

---

Next week’s T5F Top 5 BROTPs

[benscursedkid]

the server has a streamer au and i wanted to do something for halloween so. this is what i got. i wanted it to be longer but then i realized it wouldn’t be finished in time so. idk if it’s any good or entertaining but i hope you enjoy!!

happy halloween 👻

disclosure: the game they’re playing here is friday the 13th on the pc so a warning for the violence that comes with that but it’s not very descriptive

pairing: ben copper x rebekah roberts (my mc)

modern muggle au

Rebekah shifts in her chair as she walks her character into a new cabin. She’s lucky she opted for stealth because she’s pretty sure Charlie’s character just got picked off by Andre. She barricades the door as she comes in and immediately begins browsing through drawers looking for the car keys or some gas.

“No! Barnaby don’t use it on Tulip, it only has one bullet.” She hears Penny exclaim through the walkie-talkie she grabbed from the other cabin and snickers into her hand.

“How’s it going over there, crew?” She says as she steers her character into another room. “Any sign of the keys or some gas?”

“Not from me.” Bill surmises with a huff through their walkie connection, his speech slightly muffled from the werewolf teeth that came with his costume. It makes Rebekah chuckle at the reminder of it.

She fixes the gaudy witch’s hat of her own costume. It’s nothing too extravagant—like the complete Princess Leia rigout Penny concocted for herself—but she’s quite proud of her results. Some flimsy garments here, sparkly purple makeup there, and an excess of rings and a long dangly necklace later she actually looks halfway convincing. For a children’s cartoon anyway.

“Crap, I don’t think they’re in here either,” she reports back and pushes down a few keys to climb through a window in search of another building to peruse. “How many places will we have to look through? Andre’s already gotten Charlie and Merula.”

“I don’t know if I should be concerned by how good he is at this game.” Bill muses with chuckle, his voice wavering with playful doubt.

“What?! When?” Penny gasps as Rebekah sneaks down another trail. She hears the blonde hum before sighing. “Okay, we’re gonna go to the car. His Highness Prince Barnaby said he found the car keys five minutes ago—Tulip! Stop swinging that thing at hi—”

The line goes dead and Rebekah stops her avatar by the lake house. She looks around, holding her breath and looking around as though she were afraid something was in her own room. “Penny?” She asks, Bill repeating the same thing from his end. “Penny, are you ther—”

“Damn, look at the map, Bek.”

Rebekah frowns but does as Bill advises and sees the key icon at a nearby house. Very nearby.

Her screen distorts and her senses tingle. Andre just killed Penny, Tulip, and Barnaby and now he’s coming for her.

She runs as quickly as she can to the nearest house but she can now hear Andre laughing behind her as he gives chase. “C’mon, Rebekah,” He snickers, his character landing a knife in her shoulder, making her avatar falter. “You won’t be able to hide in there. And you know you can’t outrun me.”

The phony witch pouts and locks the door as soon as she comes in, but Andre is right behind her and already at work chopping it down.

“How about we talk about this?” She offers as she tries to look for a hiding place, panicking just a little when she realizes her options are limited to a bed and a closet. Both likely to get her killed. “I can tell you where Bill is!”

“Hey!”

Andre makes a disagreeing noise and she hears his character finally finish with dismantling the door. “Hm. No thanks. Why settle for one when I can get you both?” He laughs in a comically evil way befitting of his role this round. Rebekah frowns and looks around for a window for a quick escape but finds none. With no other choice, she dives under a bed and presses the keys to hold her breath.

From her periphery, she can see her chat going crazy, comments coming in a mile a minute. They’re coming in so fast most of them are unintelligible blurs, but one in all caps catches her eye, her game becoming nothing more than background art as her blood runs cold.

cursedkya71: REBEKAH THERES SOMEONE BEHIND YOU!!!!!

Now, she might have chalked it up to the spooky spirit of Halloween night—and she was definitely ready to—if it weren’t for the shadow that she suddenly sees passing over her computer screen. Her breath catches in her throat as the dark shadow gets bigger and bigger until—

—she feels a hand on her shoulder.

She screams.

She jumps in her chair, whipping around to face the owner of the shadow, only to be greeted by a familiar tuft of blonde hair and wide, spooked brown eyes.

The fear melts off of her easily as she presses a hand to her chest to calm her racing heart. She opens her eyes and her mouth to respond to her intruder before she hears Andre laugh again before her screen turns red.

“Aw, man!” The steamer laments with a pout her sudden guest has many times labeled ‘too adorable to be intimidating.’ “That’s so not fair, I was distracted!”

Ben clears his throat behind her and she turns her head to look at him in an attempt to be scolding. However, if the amused look on his face is anything to go by then she doesn’t think it takes.

“Was I interrupting?” He asks, casually leaning into the frame to scrutinize her screen that has now switched to spectator mode. (Bill is the only hope they have now.) His head hovers over her shoulder, their faces close but neither of them draw too much attention to the act, choosing instead to stare at her chat which is now flooding in a bit slower than before.

“Yes,” Rebekah removes her headset and crosses her arms in the most non-threatening manner Ben has ever seen, her cheeks flushed a little pink from the scare she just had. “You got me skewered like a kebab.”

Ben smirks just slightly and nods, looking back to her face. “No, you got kebabbed because you hid underneath a bed.”

“Is that a word?” She inquires vacantly, her brows wrinkling thoughtfully. “Hm. You think it’s spelled with one b or two?”

He tilts his head for a moment. Considers the question. “Two.”

“Huh.” Rebekah hums before her eyes slide back over to him, only for her gaze to finally drop to his costume. She smiles at the green track suit and the numbers 416 stitched onto his jacket. She doesn’t even realize that she had been staring until he taps her shoulder to grab her attention.

He nods in a gesture towards her own costume, his lips quirking upwards at the sight of her hat. “Nice costume. Now I understand why you wanted them all to be a surprise.”

She perks up at this, her back straightening and her lips curling with a smile. “Oh? Why?”

His brown eyes, lit up by the blue rays of her computer screen, flit across her face for a second as though admiring the handiwork of Penny’s crash course makeup tutorial. Her cheeks are a subtly rosier shade of pink and idly she wonders if her eyes are shimmering the way she wanted them to.

Ben opens his mouth to reply when a knock sounds on her door. She tries not to huff in disappointment at the interruption.

Tulip stands in her doorway with a hand on the knob and her eyebrow quirked in exasperation. “Should’ve known you were here,” She muses to Ben before turning to Rebekah, her scary siren makeup still throwing the witch off. “We’re going to play another round before Rowan and Tonks get here…” She smirks as her eyes drift between her and Ben who Rebekah just remembers are still standing very close to one another. The thought makes her blush even more and she looks shyly down to the purple polish on her nails. “…if you decide to join us.”

With that, Tulip saunters away and Rebekah and Ben share a bashful look and return smiles before he leans away. She instantly misses the proximity and tugs on her sleeves to keep from reaching out for him.

“Was there something you needed?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Right. I just, um. I just came to give you some more candy. I noticed on your stream that you were out.”

As he says this he points to her right where he has apparently deposited a plastic jack-o-lantern. She grins at him easily and picks one out to hand to him.

“Thanks, Ben.”

He nods kindly and heads back to the door. “Happy Halloween, Rebekah.”

She watches him go with a happy feeling in her heart, smiling at his back as it retreats into the hallway. Once he’s gone, she picks her headset back up and readjusts it before glancing at her chat. Lots of heart emojis and kissy faces swim in her vision before she’s finally able to make sense of a comment.

“What? No, I keep telling you guys; Ben and I are not dating. Why would you think that?”

[dakt37]

Avengers Assemble - Feral Outlaw Stony

So I've been expanding on this concept I doodled before Christmas, where Steve goes with Tony into the no-tech dimension at the end of season 3. Probably a lot of stuff isn't canon-compliant (beyond the obvious change that is), but "It's an AU so I do what I want" rules apply. Anyway. 

The tl;dr is: The two of them spend a little time puttering around the weird no-tech dimension, and then get absorbed into Battleworld. They become explorers, helping people out and falling in love along the way.

(Once again, I feel like someone must have had this idea already, but I’ve never looked.)

Cut for excessive rambling.

~~~

Not all the areas we see in the show are present in Battleworld when Steve and Tony first arrive, so the boys spend most of their time traveling around, mapping the place out as it expands. A lot of my ideas rely on them still having little-to-no access to modern conveniences. Obviously someplace modern has to show up for them to get their hands on a pickup truck and a motorcycle, but I’m picturing a post-apocalyptic junkyard that’s been picked clean of anything obviously useful. They get the vehicles working by sheer force of “I’m Tony-fucking-Stark.” But like that fully functional NYC area is way too convenient, so it’s not around yet. (tbh I’m not even sure if it’s an alternate NYC or theirs, in which case it wouldn’t show up until the other Avengers do anyway) 

They get the low-down on the "Battleworld" concept by eavesdropping on one of Beyonder's* welcome speeches. They realize that they are uniquely off the grid, because Beyonder didn't know they were in the no-tech dimension when he added it to Battleworld. They decide it's advantageous to maintain this secret status, but they're still Avengers™️ so they can't NOT help out wherever they can. But they don’t stick around any one place for long. Basically, they become vagrant vigilantes in addition to surveyors. They get a lot of their “stuff” (clothes, tools, toiletries, etc) as payment for odd jobs, or gifts from grateful locals they rescue. They get some food from populated areas as well, but also rely on foraging and hunting while on the lam. They have definitely eaten dinosaur at some point.

(*He doesn't get the nickname "Beyonder" until the other Avengers show up. In this AU Steve and Tony refer to him as "The Entity" or "Suspenders." You can probably guess who tends to use which.)

On top of the survival story, it's also a getting-together story. Steve and Tony flirt and pine and bicker and flirt some more, until a squabble turns into a confession and they finally start kissing. There’s plenty of time for “it’s cold in this wasteland and we only have one blanket, oh no,” but they’re firmly established as romantically involved by the time the other Avengers show up and they have the final showdown with Beyonder.

Anyway a lot of the AU notes I've been making are about the functional side of their Big Camping Adventure. So here's a bunch of lists about vehicles, gadgets, and navigation.

~

Vehicle stuff:

If Tony is riding passenger on the motorcycle, he can clip his repulsor boots into special footrests that reroute the energy and give the bike a speed boost. 

The bike has a tow cable. Steve can harpoon things using a spring-action firing mechanism, including cliff faces to help him scale steep terrain. The cable can also be uncoiled manually, like when Tony takes flight while holding the end so he and Steve can clothesline hostiles. 

Steve can stick his shield several places on the bike depending on what’s convenient. On the front as a windscreen/battering ram, on one side for easy grabbing, and even on Tony’s backpack so Tony can snuggle in properly while riding passenger and keep both their backs protected.

They probably don’t even need a ramp to get the bike into the bed of the pickup. Steve just picks it up and puts it there.

The evolution of Marsha (the truck) into a full Hulkbuster-style mech takes a long time. For the majority of their time in Battleworld, it’s just a truck with an ever-increasing number of weird add-ons.

Marsha can function as a tiny camper home. The cargo bed liner is a false bottom, which can be pulled up and rearranged to form a cover/roof. Underneath the liner, the actual truck bed is about a foot deeper, with most of that storage space taken up by a mattress and bedding. 

Tony can pull a cable out of Marsha’s steering column and plug it directly into his arc reactor. This unlocks extra features and weapons. He generally has things balanced so that Marsha drawing power doesn't affect him any more than his armor drawing power would. But on rare and desperate occasions, he can overclock and hurt himself. Steve of course hates when he does this.

Turnabout is fair play though: at least once, something else damaged the arc reactor, so Tony plugged into Marsha to draw power from the battery for his electromagnet while he repaired the arc.

Gasoline can be difficult to procure, so both vehicles are hybrids. Tony just keeps adding new power conversion elements as they go along, based on what they can find. 

~

F in chat for Tony’s armor:

Tony dismantles the armor he’d been wearing when they first went into the no-tech dimension.

Obviously he keeps skeletal versions of the repulsor boots and gloves in-tact enough to function. 

He also keeps most of the helmet, for when he’s riding with Steve on the motorcycle. Mostly because Steve insisted. It's gutted of tech though, so if the faceplate stays as part of the design, the eyes are just holes (like in the classic comics).

The rest of the pieces are kept in a large packing trunk.

Tony repurposes some parts into useful gadgets for himself and Cap, plus the odd toy for other Avengers (like Widow’s new stinger gauntlets) because he’s optimistic like that.

Electronics use precious metals like gold and copper, so Tony scrapes some out to pay for things in certain areas of Battleworld, like the cowboy town or the pirate area. He might also barter with other general bits like wires and screws, but he avoids parting with any actual full tech.

~

Plug-n-play Gadgets

Since the power draw for Tony's electromagnet is actually fairly minimal, Tony makes use of the arc reactor as a charging station, mostly when he sleeps. It's not like there's a corner store they can drop by to get a pack of batteries. Things he charges include (but are not limited to):

Flashlight for Steve. The bulbs for it came from the eyes in the Iron Man helmet. Note: Tony doesn't need a flashlight himself because he can turn up his arc brightness apparently, lmao.

Camp stove. Steve questioned Tony building one for a hot second because hello we can build campfires to cook over? But then it’s raining and they're in a cave and Tony is like, "if you fill this space with smoke I will divorce you before we're even married." And Steve is like "camp stove wow yes okay." Also they had camp stoves in WW2 so honestly it was simply a Himbo Moment to disregard the virtues of one in the first place. 

Walkie talkies. I know they had Avengers comms but I like the aesthetic of walkie talkies more. Maybe the comms relied on satellites that they obviously don't have anymore or something.

~

Navigation:

Speaking of a lack of satellites, the GPS in Tony’s armor is rendered useless. Steve is real smug about it and pulls out his old-fashioned compass. But Battleworld also doesn’t have proper poles, so it just spins wildly for a few seconds and then points at Tony’s electromagnet. Not to be deterred, Steve declares, “Well, you’re never lost if you can find Polaris.” They look up and realize that the night sky, despite having stars and a moon, is not at all arranged the way it is on Earth. 

Tony takes this as a Challenge. He builds a sextant, then spends the next several nights in a row muttering math under his breath as he painstakingly creates a hand-drawn star chart. This, combined with landmarks, becomes the primary way they orient themselves as they roam around Battleworld.

Many nights, Steve and Tony lie in the bed of the pickup together and make up constellations named after other Avengers and friends. Steve makes a copy of Tony’s star chart and sketches artistic renditions of the constellations on top. To close this post with an interesting visual, here’s an example of what Tony’s star map might look like vs what Steve’s would more resemble:

[shinymooncolor]

@siriuslyqueer gave us goalies, pining and angst. @wxlfstxrx some much needed fluff. So I thought we’d do a bromance hat trick with a little sweater weather chat. Love ya all 🏒❣️

@lumosinlove created a well of wonderful oc’s and they’re all my new mvp’s. 🥰

Sweater weather chats #3

Nado is fuckboy extraordinaire. Kuny is mad. Olli is so done. Logan does not have a curfew. Or does he? Dumo grounds Nado. Walker worships Noelle. Remus chokes on his tea. Kasey ruins zucchinis for Dumo. Does cars have names? There’s a ritual burning. Everyone is up early on a Sunday.

——

Sunday 3.44 am

7 missed calls from Nado.

Nado:

kuny please pick up

I’m sorry. Fuck I messed up okay.

I’m so sorry okay. Fuck just call me back.

Wtf you took my Porsche? Over the line man.

Fuck you told Sergei. His wife just cAlled and yelled. She’s terrifying. I’m sorry

Kuny please come home.

Sorry.

Please

Kuny

Kuny

Evgeni. Please I’m sorry okay

You’re my best fucking friend and you’re supposed to forgive me. I’m an idiot. Just come home. I’m not gonna stop texting. I will fucking not let you walk out on me man.

I said I was sorry. Please man. Sorry.

Please.

I’ll join some freakin cult and become a monk if it gets you to talk to me.

—-

Sunday 7.23 am

Nadotheman: guys has anyone heard from kuny yesterday or today? Please I need to speak to him

Sergei_81: give him some time. you did something bad and he’s mad. He will come home when he is ready

Nadotheman: he’s got my Porsche. Is he with you? Can I come over

Sergei_81: he’s not here. We got family visit. No time for your stupid fights

Prongstar: what did you do Nado? Ate his mom’s homemade cake again? Or did you forget to water his aloe Vera plant?

Ollibear: he’s here. Don’t call him.

Siriusly: what happened?

CarbO’Hara: Broke the fuckign code @nadotheman not cool

Prongstar: WHAT DID HE DO? @russiangod also how does finno know?

Ollibear: please stop texting him. I’m worried he might snap the remote or my PlayStation

LoganTremblayzzz: @nadotheman hope you got insurance. 911 turbo not looking good. Hahahaha

Prongstar: what. Happened?

Ollibear: he turned up here at 4 am, scaring the shit out of mrs. Williams next door. Woke up when she screamed. Apparently 6.4” Russian guy in a black hoodie is not what you expect to bang on your door at that hour. He’s been fuming in Russian ever since. And he ate all our Doritos. Stole nado’s Porsche. We gathered he’s mad at Nado but not sure why. Got him to at least talk to Sergei

Sergei_81: he’s got good reason to be mad. Nado can tell you what he did.

Timmyforrealz: what does this mean: он спал с моим двоюродным братом @sunnysideup @sergei_81

Sunnysideup: what?? Oh nado. This is bad.

Prongstar: I used google translate. @nadotheman you slept with his sister?!

Siriusly: !!!

Talkiewalkie: over the line bro. Damn.

Sunnysideup: wait he doesn’t have a sister? Does he?

Sergei_81: yes he means cousin.

DamnFoxy: wow. This is lowkey funny. Sorry but I’m laughing

Prongstar: spit my tea out

RussianGod left the conversation

Nadotheman: fuck look what you idiots did.

Siriusly: you did his cousin.

DamnFoxy: 😂😂😂

Talkiewalkie: uh not cool bro. Like. Fuck.

Timmyforrealz: you talkin about fucking sisters? Aren’t you putting the moves on Logan’s sister?

LoganTremblayzzz: @timmyforrealz 🤦🏽🙅🏼🙍🏾👎🏻🖕🏻

Talkiewalkie: I’m dating noelle. Not putting moves on her. I’m worshipping the very ground she walks on. She’s a goddess and I’m but a mortal man

Kaneyoudigit: can you just keep it in your pants for once, Nado…. jeez

Eliascookie: HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHHH. You’re never meeting my sister. Ever. Damn.

Newt-leo: shut up this isn’t about noelle. Nado wtf? Didn’t wanna believe Finn and lo. He’s texted finn but in Russian. Think it was meant for sergei. Did you really sleep with his cousin?

Krisvolley: wow. Anyone checking up on Kuny? Shit. Can’t leave the two of you alone.

LeWilliam: yeah, is Kuny alright @ollibear? Also, @nadotheman - you freaked when he kissed that waitress. Karma is a fuckin bitch 😏

Nadotheman: fuck off cubs.

EvanderBell: oi. No need to be mad at us. You messed up. You deserve this. Also if he totals Dolores it’s totally on you!

Nado the man: shut up. Everyone. I know I screwed up okay? Fucking hell. They look nothing alike and she didn’t tell me.

Sunnysideup: didn’t you meet her through kuny?

Nado the man: well yea. went out for a drink. Kuny was being boring and went home. Talked to her and we got along and well.

Bradygunz: did you at least pay for her drink? Also uncool bro

Nado the man: I paid. Fuck off.

Dumodad: I’m away for 1 day. 1 day boys. @nadotheman do I have to ground you? Adele is serving 2 weeks for lying about her homework and having a boy in her rooM after curfew.

Prongstar: dropped the ball with Logan then @dumodad, eh?

Sergei_81: I support grounding Nado.

LoganTremblayzzz: @prongstar like lily didn’t ground you when you came home sans shirt and with kasey’s jeans on backwards Also I never had girls in my room after curfew. Also don’t have curfew.

Dumodad: yes you did. Curfew at least.

Blizzard: holy fuck. Just woke from a nap. Wtf? Also @prongstar, @logantremblayzzz never had GIRLS in his room. Just had Leo and finn. Playing hide the zucchini.

Siriusly: @blizzard. Loops just choked on his tea.

Dumodad: I can never eat a zucchini again. Merde

BliZzard: just keeping it real boys. Also don’t be hard on @nadotheman he’s a man whore. One day he’ll grow up

Nadotheman: I’m older kasey and shut up

Ollibear: Nado you really have to apologize.

Timmyforrealz: @nadotheman this is serious. Olli just ate a box of moomin cookies. Nado please fix your relationship. Olli can’t handle his parents fighting. He’s legit green looking. He’s eating junk food. I’m scared.

Nadotheman: Olli tell them you were there. She came on to me. She never mentioned Kuny

Ollibear: I’m not getting involved. Also you owe me $432 for the champagne. And he introduced you before he left.

Prongstar: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Dumodad: @nadotheman you’re grounded. No clubbing or I will call your mom.

———

Sunday 7.56 am

Nado: Olli please is he with you guys? I need to speak to him.

Olli: I’m sorry he doesn’t wanna see you. Please give him some time.

Nado: 💔

—

Sunday 8.02 am

Nado: I’m not gonna leave. I’m parked outside and you’ve got to call the cops to get me to leave. You’re my best friend dammit and I’m sorry. Fuck please just talk to me!

Kuny: don’t want talk. Is hard. I’m smart in Russian. English stupid.

Nado: wait then get Olli or Timmy to type it. Just tell me how I can make it up to you.

Kuny: hi Nado. Olli here, I’m typing for him. Timmy is trying to salvage our remote.

I’m trying to type and understand ok? Kuny knows his cousin is (I’m paraphrasing here - I refuse to call a woman that) sociable and he’s mostly upset cause he’s worried about you. Okay he didn’t mean that - he means that he’s upset you slept with her but he’s also worried cause he says you fall in love too quickly. (You two are idiots - he’s trying to protect your feelings) he does not want me to type that. But he broke our remote. But he’s also mad you slept with her after he said not to. And he claims he did tell you. How much did you two drink? When I picked up the tab you’d only had a few bottles of champagne and you gave most of that to the hen party in the next booth. Also he’s mad you had sex - god, Nado - the living room, really? At least go into your bedroom. Apparently you had a deal you wouldn’t do that. Wow you need some self control buddy. Okay. Now he’s saying that he’s okay to talk to you. So you can come in. You better have showered!!!!

—-

Sunday, 8.27 am.

KrisVolley: @ollibear, what’s going on?

Ollibear: they’re fucking idiots. Stupid overgrown manbabies.

Timmyforrealz: well. Olli cursing is hilarious. It’s like Casper the friendly ghost saying fuck... 😂 Quite anti-climactic. Was anticipating a fist fight or at least a black eye. They just talked and @nadotheman cried. Ha. Long clingy chat short; Kuny was afraid his cousin was just using Nado - like he’d ever object? Nado admitted he was drunk and upset with Kuny over something else (they’re like my teenage twinsisters I swear) also Kuny was mad Nado fucked his cousin on the couch. So not classy @nadotheman... Jesus this soap opera is like the episode of friends where chandler is in a box.

Sergei_81: they ok?

Nadotheman added RussianGod to the chat

RussianGod: we good. But he has to do embarrassing thing now. I chose. Will think long before decide. Also he buy new couch

Prongstar: Kuny my dear friend - I will happily help think up evil revenge. Also burn the couch

Nadotheman: I didn’t fucking cry. He stinks. My eyes watered from the stench.

Blizzard: aw Nado its okay. We know you’re in an established bro-tionship.

Talkie-walkie: am I the only one worried about the Porsche? She does not deserve to suffer just because Nado is a slut.

RussianGod: dolores is fine. Love car too much. Only wanted to scare Jackie.

Nadotheman: stop calling me that kun(t)y. 😘

Ollibear: ffs you two just made up, just kiss and get the fuck out. I’m done being your therapist. Good night.

Timmyforrealz: they broke olli. He even kicked a chair and hurt his toe. Haha he’s cursing in Finnish. He also has hidden nado’s car keys. Dolores is ours now.

——

They did a ritual burning of the couch. Dumo did call Nado’s mother. She grounded him and gave Kuny a bunch of embarrassing photos of teenage Nado. We’re talking frosted tips and platform shoes.

[i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend]

Carnival of Hearts (Part 4/6) ~ Bucky x Reader College!AU

A/N: Hello lovelies! Sorry I’m late. This week was crazy. I plan to be back on schedule this week, but we shall see. 

This is my entry for @buckysknifecollection​​​ ‘s 3k Follower Challenge. Congrats on the milestone lovely! Go check out the blog. Personal fave is Hush (a must read if you’re into soft!Biker!Bucky)

Prompt: Our friends set us up on this carnival date but we’re both pining after someone else and this a bit awkward

Summary: When you’re set up on a carnival date with Bucky Barnes NOTHING turns out the way you expected.

Rating: T

Warnings: Language

Word count: 1708

Story Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Your phone vibrated as you shifted from foot to foot, impatiently waiting in line.

Bucky: Got a table by the Mega Slide.

Y/N: Still in line. Be there soon! :)

Once you had the three different bags of kettle corn you were practically skipping towards where Bucky said he would be. You took a moment to look over to the Mega Slide line where you expected to see Steve. Instead you saw Jane and Thor happily chatting away as they took tickets and handed out the mats. Disappointed you started looking for Bucky.  

You smiled the moment you felt a set of hands settle on your waist and a broad chest press against your back.

“Looking for someone?”

“Maybe. Have you seen someone who is clearly shirking their ticket taker responsibilities?”

He laughed and tugged on your belt loop to turn you in his arms. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he pulled you close.

“Hi, sweetheart.”

“Hey, Stevie.”

“I missed you this morning.”

“I missed my muffins,” you hummed.

Steve huffed, making you giggle. You looked up into his eyes.  

“And you. Of course.”

“How about I make it up to you tomorrow morning and then we binge the Witcher?”

“Sounds perfect. But you usually don’t run until late on Sundays.”

“Sam bailed this morning too because he had an early meeting, so we’re going to go together early.”

“Gotcha. That’s good.”

“And actually, I want you to meet him.  

“I am not getting up with you at five in the morning to meet your running buddy.”

“I know better than to ask you that. He’s here. I just ran into him.”

He kept an arm around you and started leading you towards the table Bucky was sitting at with someone who you would have known was Sam based on the lovesick look on his face.

Oh.

Well this was going to be interesting.

“Seriously though, I thought you were working for another hour,” you questioned as you walked towards your date and the object of his affections.  

“Thor took over early so he could spend time with Jane,” Steve explained.

“Mm. That makes sense. They’re so cute together,” you sighed as you looked over at them.

“Yeah they are. They want to get dinner with us next week. I told them I’d check with you but probably Thursday after your six o’clock?”

“Thursday is perfect.”  

“Great. I’ll set it up with Thor.”

You smiled and turned your attention to the table he was leading you to. Sam and Bucky were giggling together as they ate funnel cake, knees brushing as they sat facing each other at the picnic table.

“So the guy on the left is Sam my running buddy. And then the guy in the denim jacket is his roommate Bucky. Sam’s totally in love with him and he’s really obvious about it based on the ten minutes I spent with them. And the fact that other people have told them they’re a cute couple which bugs Sam. It will kinda seem like Bucky’s into him too, but he’s straight.”

You stopped dead in your tracks. Steve looked back in concern.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

You panicked. And patted your pockets to make it seem like you were looking for something before laughing and holding up your left hand.

“Thought I lost my phone for a second.”

He smiled and shook his head.

“What am I gonna do with you?”

“No idea.”

He held his hand out to you and you took it and intertwined your fingers. When you finally got to the table Bucky flashed you a smile but there was a bit of anxiety in his gaze.

“Hey, Steve. Finally found her hmm?” Sam smirked.

“Yep. Sam, Bucky. This is y/n.”

“Nice to meet you. Steve never shuts up about you.”

“That’s not true,” Steve grumbled.

You winced internally, but played it off.

“Nice to meet you too. Guess you guys will have to run faster if there’s so much time for talking.”

You turned to Bucky and smirked.

“Is that my funnel cake?”

“Yup. Is that my kettle corn?”

“Caramel as requested.”

Sam and Steve looked back and forth between the two of you as you traded food.

“Wait. You two know each other?”

“Oh yeah. We go way back,” You grinned.

“Really?” Sam arched an eyebrow.

“Mhmm. About four hours.”

“Wanda and Nat bailed on us, so he’s been my carnival buddy.”

“Small world.”

Steve gripped your hand tighter as you swung your leg over and sat down before straddling the bench beside you, keeping his arms around you as he slid you closer. You pulled the funnel cake towards you and ripped a piece off, offering it to Steve - feeding it to him when he refused to let go of you.

Apparently he was clingy without Saturday morning cuddles.

“So, what happened to Nat and Wanda?” Sam asked.

Though he was looking at you, Sam’s entire body was turned towards Bucky and his hand was resting on his knee. You felt like you were going to vibrate out of your seat.

“Nat got stuck working because someone called out sick. And Wanda had a hair appointment?”

“Apparently they were running and hour behind at the salon.”

Bucky couldn’t keep the incredulity of his voice. You both knew that had been a bald faced lie.

“That sounds like a set up,” Sam frowned.

“Well Bucky is the perfect guy for me,” you faux swooned.

Steve tensed beside you.

“According to Nat at least,” you added with a giggle.

“And Wanda insists that Y/n is exactly the girl I need,” Bucky reported.

“Is that so?” Sam’s jaw clenched and you did a little happy dance.

“Mhmm,” you told him smugly.

A child sobbing cut off Sam’s response. The four of you look up to see a little girl you recognized looking around helplessly and crying. You were on your feet in a second, hurrying over to her.

“Cassie, sweetie, are you okay?”

The little girl, holding her favorite bunny stuffed animal sniffed as she looked up at you.

“How do you know my name?”

Of course she didn’t remember you. You had met her when she was two. You were friends with her father, Scott, but you hadn’t seen him for a couple of years, though you’d been keeping up with his life on Facebook.

“I’m friends your daddy. Are you here with him?”

She nodded.

“Daddy was getting us food. I should have stayed with him. He was talking to someone and there was this puppy on a skateboard. It was really cool.”

“It sounds like it.”

“I followed him but then I couldn’t find my Daddy.”  

She started to cry again. The three boys had kept their distance, not wanting to overwhelm the child but they were watching intently.

“It’s okay, Cassie. You can sit with me and my friends and then we’ll find your Daddy okay?”

“Daddy said not to go anywhere with strangers.”

“That’s smart. And you shouldn’t go anywhere with strangers, but,” you pulled out your phone and quickly found an old picture of you and Scott with Cassie. “See, this is you and your daddy with me and my friend Steve who’s over there.” She looked at Steve who smiled and waved.

“I don’t remember that.”

You laughed.

“Well, you were really little. But I’m going to try and call your Daddy okay but let’s go sit over there.”

“Okay.”

She took your hand and you led her back to the table.

“So, boys, this is Cassie. Cassie, this is Steve, Sam, and Bucky.”

“Bucky’s a funny name,” she giggled.

“I tell him that every day,” Sam told her with a wink.

You let Sam and Bucky entertain her while you turned to Steve.

“I’m going to try calling Scott. Can you call into the info booth on your walkie in case he goes there.”

“Sure thing.”

You called Scott, growling when you got a notice that the number was out of service. Steve’s smile gave you hope he was having better luck.

“That’s great news, Hope. Yeah. Right by the Mega Slide. Perfect. See you soon.”

He turned down the volume on the walkie and gave you a thumb’s up.

“Cassie, honey, your daddy’s on his way.”

“He is?”

“Yup. He’ll be here soon.”

“Yay.”

Her tears were all dried now as Bucky told her a story about Wolfy McWolf, and you couldn’t help but smile both at the adorable tale and the fond smile Sam was giving him. At least one of you was gonna get a happy ending.

“Cassie!”

“Daddy!”

Scott tore through the crowd scooping Cassie up into his arms immediately.

“Peanut, I was so worried. You can’t wander off like that,” he panted as placed her down and knelt in front of her.

“I know. I’m sorry, Daddy.”

“It’s okay, Peanut.”

He hugged her close and looked at you all, gratitude etched in his face.

“Thank you for keeping her safe.”

“Of course. And you’ll be proud to know she did invoke stranger danger until I showed her a picture of us.”

“That’s my girl.”

You all chatted for a bit before  Scott and Cassie left for attempt 2 at getting food. The longing look back at Hope was also not lost on you and you nudged her with a knowing look.

“Shut up,” she muttered before pointing at the walkie on Steve’s belt. “I’m gonna need you to sign that back in.”

“Can I do it at the end of the night?”

“Technically, yes, but…”

Steve pouted and you put your hand on his arm.

“Go now. That way we don’t have to worry about it. You can meet us back here.”

He thought it over before nodding.

“Okay. I’ll be back in fifteen?”

“I’ll be waiting.”

He kissed the top of your head, nodded to Sam and Bucky and followed Hope.

“You were really good with her.”

“Three little sisters,” Bucky shrugged.

“Two,” Sam echoed as you reclaimed your table. “I’m actually going to go the bathroom really quick.”

“Sure thing.”

Once he’d been swallowed by the crowd you and Bucky turned to each other, eyes wide.

“Steve thinks you’re dating.” “Sam thinks you’re straight.”

“WHAT?!” “WHAT?!”  

 A/N: So if you’ve read my work you will know that I love idiots to lovers. This one’s no exception. Stay tuned. 

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[canisterofsoda]

incoming long list of incorrect quotes because im getting annoying on discord so you people have to deal with me now

Kei: Looking left cause you don’t treat me right

Han: Looking right because you left

Rose: Looking up cause you let me down

Oliver: Looking down cause you fucked up

Blair: What is wrong with you guys

---------------------------------------------

Kei: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one!

Han: Tubular AF!

Rose: Mood to the max!

Oliver, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it.

Blair, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Kei: What’s something you guys are better than Han at?

Rose: Mario Kart.

Oliver: Yeah, video games.

Blair: Emotional vulnerability.

------------------------------------

Kei: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Han: Have everyone stand.

Rose: Bring three more chairs!

Oliver: The most important ones can sit down.

Blair: Kill three.

--------------------

Kei: Favorite horror movie?

Han: It

Rose: Saw

Oliver: Annabelle

Blair: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Kei: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Han: This knife is actually a magic wand.

Rose: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.

Oliver: *cocks gun* Magic missile.

Blair: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

---------------------------------------------------------

Kei: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life

Han: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!

Rose: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!

Oliver: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Blair: My moral code, is that you?

Kei:

Kei: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?

------------------------------

Kei: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?

Han: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies

Blair: Socks are Feetie Heaties

Oliver: Forks are Stabby Grabbies

Han: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties

Blair: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies

Oliver: Stamps are Lickie Stickies

Rose, annoyed: You are disappointments

--------------------------------------------------

Kei: Where's Han, Rose, and Oliver?

Blair: They're playing hide and seek.

Kei: Where?

Blair: I don't think you get how this game works.

---------------------------------------------------------

Kei: You kidnapped Han? That’s illegal!

Rose: But Kei, what’s more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Han, or destroying our dreams?

Kei: Kidnapping Han, Rose!!!

Oliver: Kei, listen, whatever I may think of you right now- these guys are counting on you to inspire them!

Kei: What, to kidnap people?!?!

Oliver: To work together!

Kei: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE?!?!?!?!

Blair: Kei, we all agreed a Han is a not a people.

--------------------------------------------------------

Kei: Anyone d-

Han: Depressed?

Rose: Drained?

Oliver: Dumb?

Blair: Disliked?

Kei: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Kei: Nothing in life is free.

Han: Love is free!

Rose: Adventure is free.

Oliver: Knowledge is free.

Blair: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Kei: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Han: ... Your what?

Kei: My friends.

Rose: Are they saying “friends”?

Oliver: I think they're being sarcastic.

Blair: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Kei! All of your friends are in this room.

Kei: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

-----------------------------------------------------

Kei: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Han: Rude.

Rose: That’s fair.

Oliver: Not again.

Blair: Are you going to want this back?

---------------------------------------------------

Kei: Are we really going to let Han keep Rose?

Oliver: We kept Blair.

----------------------------

Kei: What does 'take out' mean?

Han: Food.

Rose: Dating

Oliver: Murder

Blair: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kei: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Han: What if it bites me and it dies!?

Rose: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Han, learn to listen.

Oliver: What if it bites itself and I die?

Blair: That’s voodoo.

Himari: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Han: That’s correlation, not causation.

Oliver: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Blair: That’s kinky.

Kei: Oh my God.

-------------------------

*The squad is over at Kei's house*

Han: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?

Kei: ... N-No...

Kei, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Han, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!

Rose: I see a-

Kei, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Han: Oh, well I-

Kei: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Kei, amazed: Its got a bake setting!

Oliver: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!

Blair: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Kei: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!

Kei: I am someone who owns four ovens...

Kei, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...

Kei: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...

Himari, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Kei:

Han: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!

Kei:

Kei, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Kei: Rules are made to be broken.

Han: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

Rose: Uh, piñatas.

Oliver: Glow sticks.

Blair: Karate boards.

Himari: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

Kei: Rules.

Han:

--------------------------------

Kei: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Han: >:O language

Rose: Yeah watch your fucking language

Oliver: OKAY WHO TAUGHT ROSE THE FUCK WORD?

Blair: 'The fuck word'.

Himari: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Rose: Oh my god they censored it

Blair: Say fuck, Himari.

Rose: Do it, Himari. Say fuck.

--------------------------------------

'Can I copy the homework?'

Kei: I can help you with it!

Han: Yeah, sure.

Rose: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Oliver: lol nope.

Blair: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Himari: *Read 5:55pm*

-------------------------------

Kei: Time for plan G.

Han: Don’t you mean plan B?

Kei: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Rose: What about plan D?

Kei: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Oliver: What about plan E?

Kei: I’m hoping not to use it. Blair dies in plan E.

Himari: I like plan E.

-----------------------------------

Kei: We need to distract these guys

Han: Leave it to me

Han: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Rose, Oliver, and Blair: *Immediately begin arguing*

Himari, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

------------------

*The squad right before Kei's wedding*

Han: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.

Rose: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!

Oliver: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well

Blair: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND

Himari, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE

--------------------------------------------------

Kei: Croissants: dropped

Han: Road: works ahead

Rose: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Oliver: Shavacado: fre

Blair: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

Himari:

Himari, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

---------------------------------

Kei: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

Han: Okay, but what is updog?

Rose: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

Oliver: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

Blair: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

Himari: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

Kei: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

Oliver: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

Rose: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

Han: What’s a henway??

Kei: Oh, about five pounds.

----------------------------------

Kei: Just be yourself.

Han: 'Be myself'? Kei, I have one day to win Rose over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Oliver: Couple weeks.

Blair: Six months.

Himari: Jury’s still out.

Han: See, Kei?

Han: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Kei: I CAN'T DO IT!

Han, laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Kei: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Rose: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN EITHER GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE WE CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND WE KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT US.

Kei:

Kei: I appreciate it,

Kei: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH-

Oliver: Kei-

Kei: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Blair: Kei we gotta-

Kei: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Kei: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What am I willing to put up with today?'

Kei, motioning to Himari: NOT FUCKING THIS

--------------------------------------------------------

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

Kei: Thanks fam!

Han: oh no

Rose: *cries* I love you too

Oliver: Sounds fake but okay

Blair: *A flustered mess*

Himari: can i get a refund

-----------------------------------

Kei: Hewwo.

Han: Hihiiiiii!

Rose: Greetings, Humans.

Blair: Three kinds of people.

Oliver: I want pudding.

Kei: Four kinds of people.

Himari: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?

Blair: Five kinds of people.

-----------------------------------------

Kei, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Han: Hey.

Rose: Hi.

Oliver: Hello.

Blair: Hey!

Kei: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Himari: We were out of Doritos.

-----------------------------------------

Kei: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Han: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Kei: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Rose: Actually I did the math, Han would have $225, not $0.15.

Han: Fam I’m right here....

Oliver: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Kei: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Oliver: Sorry I only have a dollar

Kei: :(

Rose: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Han would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Oliver: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Rose: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Blair: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice

Rose: Apply juice to what

Himari: Directly to the forehead

Han: Great chat everyone

---------------------------------

Kei: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

Han: Nope, absolutely not.

Rose: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

Oliver: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

Blair: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

Himari: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

[obscureoperations]

This is old. Something I found while shuffling through my archives.  So cringe lads. Martin found one of your toys and became curious. Nsfw obvs. 

For the most part it was all just a waiting game, you were perfectly content with just biding your time. It had been almost a week since you caught him red handed, sitting Indian style in the corner of your room. Your box of “documents” laid open in front of him, the various contents tossed about. An untouched magazine with some greased up cowboy on the cover-- a pair of handcuffs, an unopened bottle of lube. He held the piece up in front of his face, inspecting it as it continued to furiously vibrate between his fingers.  A small cough from the doorway alerts him of your presence, he nearly drops the toy, before quickly tossing it back into the box. He begins scrambling to retrieve the rest of your items.

 “What’s ah… whats goin on here?” You ask, unable to hide your smirk.

“Sorry.. I.. I was just looking for your walkie talkies..I--”

“They’re  in the same place they always are love.” You offer, gesturing over to your dresser. 

He wanted to die, truly he wanted to die. He didn’t always go through your things. No, that would be totally invasive. He just wanted to know what was in that shiny black box. 

Why couldn’t he just mind his business, you were going to hate him. He always knew it was all was too good to be true. He failed to notice that you came to sit beside him, leisurely helping to to collect your things. Your hand would grasp his now and then, causing his heartbeat to exhilarate.

“ Martin, you know I don’t care right… I don’t really have any secrets, what's mine is yours.”

He could practically feel the relief wash over him, but still you had to understand.

“Y/n.. I really didn’t mean to pry… I just saw the box a-and--”

“Now you think I’m a total perv…”

His eyes widen, he lets out something between a cough and a laugh, if anything he was utterly fascinated. “Did you actually use these things… before me?” 

“No.”

Most of them had been gag gifts, stuff from birthdays and the like. To be honest, you didn’t really use any of that stuff. You just kept it all as a laugh.“My friends from college were....they were assholes, I’ll leave it at that.” You shrugged

He was watching you with a curious expression before glancing back over to the open box. The black vibrating device rested next to what looked to be a harness, a realistic flesh colored device laid right next to it. What on earth

“ Yeah, they decided it would become a thing after a drunken game of truth or dare.”

“What happened?” He asked as he casually reached for the harness, inspecting the various buckles.

“Ohh god..” you sigh, looking up towards the ceiling “Look, I'm not going to go into details, they asked what's the wildest things you’ve done in the bedroom. Stuff was said-- and ever since they started calling me “rodeo” .

His eyebrows nearly shot up to his forehead, unable to hide his amused smirk. 

“Rodeo?” What was the best they could come up with.. He still didn’t  completely understand. He figured that at least explained the magazine.

You glance over noting his amused expression. ‘’ Hey, laugh all you want pal, but I’ve never gotten any complaints…” You shrug closing the box, swiftly sliding it under your bed.

“I’m sorry… I’m still just sort of confused… did-- did you have a thing for cowboys or?” 

Your hands shoot up to cover your mouth, stifling a cackle. Something about the innocence in his tone, you should just agree and leave it at that. But still you wondered---it was something that you never dreamed of bringing up to Martin. Rather you had, but had no idea how to even begin. He was honestly perfect for you, so innocent. You had no idea how he would even react. 

“No.. Martin, you laughed. It’s nothing, you wouldn’t understand.”   

“Tell me.”

“Drop it…” 

You knew you shouldn’t have said it, you were already scrambling across the bed. In an instant one leg locks around your waist as his fingers play over your ribs. That little shit!

“M-martinn-- Sto--pp” You wheeze.

“Tell me y/n!” he laughs all the while his fingers ghost over your stomach.

All it took was a few more seconds till you finally relent. Breathless with your back against the mattress.

“God…” You sigh, as you straighten your out your shirt, absentmindedly wiping at your eyes.  

He had to bite down on his cheeks, you were so frazzled, he really didn’t mean to upset you. 

“Fine, but don’t act like I didn’t warn you…

~~

The two of you sat awkwardly at the edge of the bed, your hands fiddled with a stray yarn on the bed spread. “ Oh…” was his simple response. Really, after all the badgering all he could give you was “Oh..”

Well it was better than you should have expected, he was always so shy, so easily flustered, you were surprised he hadn't already mumbled some sort of excuse to leave.

“How many times?” He asks quietly.

“I don’t know really… we were already together. I dont keep track.”

“Was there anyone before him?”

“Well yeah, I had a couple boyfriends back in highschool…” 

His eyes widened a bit…”In highschool?!” 

You could feel yourself turning bright red. He was literally going to think you were some kind of fiend. “Look, it's not like that--”

He nods his head. He really didn’t know what to say. He could already feel that he messed up. He wasn’t truly shocked or upset, just surprised.. You had never bought anything like that up to him. It seemed to be a recurring thing in your relationships-- did his and yours not count?

You were rambling now, but what you were actually saying he wasn’t sure. He had so many questions. Various thoughts and images swirled through his mind. It all shouldn't be a total surprise. It wasn’t like you hadn't shown interest in a certain part of his anatomy, that he really couldn’t understand your fascination with.  It didn’t happen all the time, just once in a while, in the midst of a blow job. It was always good-- too good. He couldn’t fathom how someone could be that good with their mouth. He wanted more, he needed to prolong it, but with every stroke of your tongue he was careening towards the edge. He would beg you to slow down, and you’d reluctantly oblige, placing lingering kisses along his inner thighs. Tongue delving lower, in gentle circles… He blushed at the memory.

He finds himself inching closer, you were still rambling, much like you always did when you were nervous. Why were you nervous? You could tell him anything. Tentatively he raises a hand to your face, lightly cupping your chin. You seemed almost startled for a moment, he leans in kissing you sweetly. He could feel you visibly relax. “It’s almost seven, I need to be getting back”

~~

Over the next few days you could feel a shift in his demeanor, he was always affectionate but there was something else. He would move to rest his head on your shoulder or on your lap when you sat together on the couch. He followed you around like a lost puppy, when you could ask him what was up, he’d simply shrug. He would watch as you busied yourself at the sink, soon enough he would stand behind you holding you close. Lingering kisses along the column of your neck as his hands flitter beneath your shirt. Just ask me.

He thought about it relentlessly, in his mind he was completely yours. He wanted to be yours completely, but you had still failed to ask. He always liked when you took control even if he was the one pleasing you. The way your fingers would entwine in his hair, tugging. It caused  something inside to ignite. The way your hands would always find his neck when you rode him, squeezing with just the right amount of pressure.

 How would you want him-- face to face? Or on all fours with your fingers digging into his hips. These were the questions that he needed answers to, he had to find out. It was important.

It was about four thirty the following Saturday when he showed up at your door. You seemed almost surprised to see him. “ Martin! I didn’t think you were coming by until after dinner.” 

 “He let me off early… do you mind?” 

“No, of course not…” You offer letting him in, as you take in his appearance. 

“Well you look nice… were you wanting to go out?”

 “No, not really.”

 He was dressed in all black, hair perfectly combed. His sweater clung to his lithe form almost too perfectly. He looked… good. The two of you chatted idly as you sat on the couch in front of the tv. He watched as your nimble fingers flipped through the pages of the tv guide before you carelessly tossed it to the side. 

“God for a Saturday, the selection is really shit.” 

“That’s fine.” He shrugs inching closer. “I really don't feel like watching anything.” 

You regard him with a curious expression as he almost cautiously eases in. Fingers lightly cupping your chin before kissing you just briefly. You couldn’t get over his scent, something almost citrus along with fresh cut grass. You could feel his hair brush against his cheek as his lips move to your neck. Oh he was good. 

Seconds pass and you find yourself pulling him close as his teeth scrape over your racing pulse. Peppering kisses along your hairline, forehead and eyelids before his lips finally meet yours. The barely audible moan that escapes his throat had your hands reaching for the him of his shirt. Teeth digging into his bottom lip caused him to moan that much louder. Fuck…

He moves to rest on top of you as his hands flitter beneath your shirt, you can feel him already hard pressing against your thigh, you take the opportunity to shift it against him. In an instant his lips are on yours again, the kiss was sloppy, all teeth over tongue. Needy whimpers dying in his throat,you could feel him grow impossibly heated as he ruts himself against your thigh.

 You begin to smooth your fingers through his hair, grasping gently just at the nape of his neck. Tugging, causing him to gasp. You crain his head up to meet his gaze. His cheeks were tinted bright pink, eyes hooded, he looked like he was in a daze. His lips form into a slight pout as his hands dig into the flesh of your hip.

 “What’s gotten into you?” you whisper, gently kissing the tip of his nose. 

 His lips curl into an almost impish grin. “Nothing yet…” 

Your eyebrows shoot up towards your hairline. He was already kicking himself, the line was something from a bad porno. If anything he could get you to laugh, he was already laughing at the absurdity of the words himself. He places a lingering kiss at the curve of your jaw, before resting his head against your chest. Out of instinct, your hands continue to weave through his hair. 

“J-Just what do you need? Huh?”  

That was it, he already wanted to tell you everything. 

. “Just ask me…” 

~~

He felt like he was on fire, this indiscernible itch touched the deepest recesses of his bones. He needed to get closer, but you were only testing the waters-- fingers curling inside of him with ease.  A quiet moan falls from his lips as you bite down against his shoulder, fingers spreading apart, in a scissoring motion. 

His right leg curls around your own, drawing you close as he shivers against you. He can feel the piece pressing against his stomach, larger than he ever actually imagined. 

 It wasn't like you hadn’t throurally prepped him, with both your fingers and your mouth. If anything the use of only two fingers now left him feeling empty-- but there was still the flicker of panic. It only intensified when you climbed off of him, the lack of warmth caused him to shiver. He watched as you reached  for the bottle of lube applying a liberal amount to the palm of your hand. 

Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of you stroking your hand over the fairly realistic shaped piece. The sight alone turned him on in ways that he would never actually admit. Heat rises to his face as you regard him with an almost predatory gaze. It makes him remember his completely exposed state, legs lewdly spayed in front of you. 

Another drop of pre cum leaks back onto his stomach,his fingers bunch absentmindedly at the sheets. Why were you looking at him like that..

”Y/n” he calls, worrying at his bottom lip.

 “What is it baby?” you ask sweetly, shifting between his legs. You place a hand on his knee urging him to prop it up. The gentleness of the action caused his heart to ache. You began leisurely smoothing your hands over his thighs, mesmerized at how open and beautiful he looked before you. Mouth sized bruises all along his collar bone venturing down across his chest. You can see the faint muscles of his abdomen contract.

 “P--please touch me..” His voice was no more than a whisper, you oblige, running your hands across his chest. Fingernails scrape over a hardened nipple, teasing it to a peak causing him to gasp. 

“I am...” 

“N-no not like that.. I need.. ahh--” His moan, a response to you repeating the same action on the other, pinching down hard enough to bruise. You move your hand to lightly cup his jaw, noting how he leans his cheek against your hand 

“So pretty..”You whisper, moreso to yourself. At this point you had no idea what you did to deserve him. 

Especially when he was looking up at you with those eyes. You didn’t really want to wait any longer you move to position yourself between his legs.

 “Here, put your leg up... “ you whisper as you move to press his thigh against his chest, he blushes profusely at the familiar position. The embarrassment was short lived as you push forward slightly. 

“Ohh.. W-wait..” 

He can feel the blunt head of the phallus pushing lightly at his well prepped entrance… You still instantly…

 “You okay?” 

He sits forward on his elbow, moving some of the hair out of his eyes. He looked so anxious in that moment. 

“Martin… we don't have to do this… or we can ease into it more if you’re not ready.” 

“No.. It’s okay..just--” You lean in tracing your lips over his forehead, moving them to the tip of his nose. 

“What is it?” You ask as you begin peppering kisses along his jaw, he was already starting to lean into your touch. He can feel himself drawing you close, pressing himself against the silicone piece. 

“Slow...okay?” he asks quietly. 

“Promise..”

[ayamari-no-goshi]

Verboten 11 | (T)

ff.net | AO3

Fandom: Danny Phantom (DP)

Summary:   AU. When Danny was five years old, he went missing for 2 weeks. In the years that follow, his family tried to make sense of what happened, only for the truth to be discovered years later.

Warnings: rated T for violence, mentions of death, language. Be prepared for some very weird things

Chapter warning: child kidnappings mentioned

Parings: Danny/Sam

Notes: originally uploaded to Ff.net. Cross-posted to AO3 and tumblr. This fic is very heavily inspired by folklore surrounding mysterious wilderness disappearances

Chapter 11

The return home was nothing but a blur. Sam’s mind couldn’t make much sense of anything until she focused on flashing lights in the darkness. Panic gripped her as the possibility those skeleton creatures followed them, but voices soon filtered through the dark trees. She called out to them in a raspy voice. At first, she thought her voice was too faint to reach them, but someone heard her.

One of the rangers came into focus as he approached her. After flashing his light over the area, he tried asking her something. His question didn’t make much sense to her, so she attempted to tell him she was okay, but the others might be hurt. Her vision swam as the ranger contacted someone on his walkie-talkie. The last thing she heard before blackness took her was the ranger trying to keep her conscious.

…

She woke up to find herself staring at a pale gray ceiling. Confused, she turned her head to get a better idea of where she was. The white walls, a single chair where Tucker was sleeping, and an IV which was attached to her clued her in that she was in a hospital. Why was she in a hospital? After glancing at Tucker again, she determined the better question was why was Tucker in the hospital? He hated them.

He roused himself after a few moments. “Hey, you’re awake!” After allowing himself a moment to stretch, he moved to her side. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired.” Her throat felt like sandpaper. “How’d I get here? Where is everyone else? Where’s Danny?”

“I was told the Rangers called in ambulances after we were found. We and the A-listers were taken here. We were actually the least injured – just some scrapes and bruises. The doctors said you also had a bad bump on the head. Some of the A-listers are in critical condition, but they should make it.” He glanced around before leaning closer so he could whisper, “When I was released earlier, my parents told me Danny had been found and taken here, but they’re not allowing visitors. He’s being questioned by the police because he was found in a different location hours after us and relatively unharmed. Mom said the doctors seem worried about his vitals.”

“But he didn’t do anything!” She tried to sit up only to have Tucker gently stop her.

“Hey, the only way your parents let me in here was if I promised to make sure you didn’t get up if they weren’t in the room. I’m not pushing my luck after everything else that happened.” Once he was certain she was done trying to move, he went back to the chair and wrung his hands. “Trust me. I know he didn’t have anything to do with what happened, but it looks weird to the cops that he wasn’t found with us.”

Sam wanted to argue with him just so she could vent. Danny didn’t deserve that suspicion. He was probably most affected by what happened. Remembering him in that ghostly form, she hoped he would be okay being in the world of the living. He was back there with them, so she guessed he would be okay.

She tried to question Tucker for more information, but her parents interrupted them. After a boisterous show of relief from her mother, her dad had enough tact to politely ask Tucker to give them time with their daughter. She glared at Tucker’s betrayal as he gave a half-hearted salute before he exited leaving her to try to block out her mother’s piercing voice.

….

After a barrage of tests the next morning, the doctors were confident she could be released. However, her parents wanted them to keep her for another night as a precaution. Since the doctors gave her a clean bill of health, the police came in to take a statement from her. She told them what she felt she could – that someone who called himself Youngblood killed Lester and took Mikey, and after she and her friends got separated from the others, were hunted down by someone called Plasmius. While the police seemed skeptical, they did admit her story matched up with her friends and what they could get out of Dash and Lucas.

Her annoyance at the police lessened when Tucker brought her news they were allowed to go see Danny. Her nurse was fine with it as long as she returned to her room after a couple hours.

Danny’s room was on a different floor so it took them a few minutes to get there. After knocking and entering, they found Danny sitting up on his bed and chatting with his sister. After greeting them, Jazz excused herself after giving him a searching look.

“What was that about?” Tucker questioned as he glanced back towards where Jazz disappeared.

“You know her and her psychobabble. She’s convinced I’m traumatized need to talk to someone.” Danny’s tone seemed light, but there was a notable frown on his face. “I can tell she knows I’m withholding information.”

“I think the police also think that. The cop I talked to earlier seemed upset I didn’t give him more information,” Sam admitted before she moved forward to give him a quick hug. “How are you doing considering…?” She gestured vaguely to his body. “You still owe me a date, you know.”

A chuckle escaped him. “I know I do, but they need to let me out of here first. Then we can play it by ear.” He brought his hand to his chest. “Some of my vitals are wonky because of… what happened, so the doctors want to observe me for a while still.” His eyes grew distant as he continued, “Overall, I think I’m okay, but this place makes me so uncomfortable. There is so much emotion, and… I think they’re remnants of people who died. They might be ghosts, but they seem so wispy compared to what we saw. Clockwork told me that place corrupted ghosts over time, so maybe that’s what it is. The ghosts here aren’t corrupted.”

“Dude, I feel you about hospitals being creepy. The only reason I’m here is to visit you two,” Tucker admitted as he removed his hat and wrung it. “But what do you mean by emotion?”

There was a green tinge to Danny’s eyes as he glanced at them. “I can feel… maybe taste… the fear and grief in this place. I don’t like it.”

After sharing a concerned look with Tucker, Sam gently patted Danny’s shoulder. “There are old stories that say ghosts seem to respond to strong emotions. Maybe that’s what it is.”

“Maybe.” His reply was half-hearted.

“So, how exactly did you get back? And how did the visit with Clockwork go?” Tucker questioned as he sat on the only chair in the room, leaving Sam to rest on the end of his bed.

“Frostbite brought me back after we got the report that you were attacked, he led me to a different portal as the one you went through already closed.” His head tilted as he thought about it. “Clockwork was very unsettled by the events. He’s the ghost of time, by the way, and I don’t think I ever want his job.” After catching their confused stares, Danny launched into a hushed explanation of what Clockwork told him.

“You’re telling me the ghost of time missed seeing that weird thing?” It was Tucker who finally broke the stunned silence after Danny finished. “He’s not very good at his job, is he?”

Danny shook his head. “I don’t think it’s Clockwork’s fault. From what I caught, it seems what or whoever is employing those things, they are able to move in his blind spots.”

“You said something about how those things are looking to steal kids. Do you think we have to worry about them?” Although Sam wasn’t too worried about herself, she did have small cousins that while they were brats, she had no desire to see them harmed.

“I’m not sure. I wasn’t given too much information about them, and I don’t exactly have a way to try to find a way to find out either.”

“Hmm… When my parents finally allow me out of here, I’ll go through my collection of folklore and mythology. I know it’s a long shot, but maybe there’s a mention of something like what you described.”

“Oooh! That’s a good idea. Why didn’t I think of that?” Tucker smacked himself on the head as he brought out his PDA. After a few quick button pushes, he held it up. “I now have a program running to see if there are any recent reports of those things? It might take a bit of filtering to get around CreepyPastas, but I think it’ll work.”

Danny gave them a trembling smile. “Thanks guys.”

Their conversation soon drifted to more mundane things like school and imagining Sam’s parents going on a rampage against the school district. Their conversation came to an end after Danny’s parents entered the room, a little more excited than normal. They clearly wanted to discuss something in private, so Sam and Tucker excused themselves. Tucker then walked Sam back to her room, where her nurse was waiting for them.

xxxxxx

The next day, Danny was release from the hospital under strict orders he needed to be carefully monitored. His temperature and blood pressure were still on the low side, but he seemed to be healthy. Uncertain whether or not that was his new baseline, they figured his parents would return him to the hospital if he took a turn for the worst. So, he would be allowed to stay home from school for about a week.

If he was honest, he didn’t think he parents would be too motivated to keep an eye on him as they had a new toy to keep their attention. While he, his friends, and classmates were lost in the world of the dead, his parents managed to punch open a hole into that very place with an invention they had been working on for decades. Most of their waking moments were spent hovering around it and taking measurements.

He didn’t understand why they would make such a thing. Its energy infected everything in the house. He doubted his parents or sister were able to feel it unless they stood in front of it, but that energy thrummed in his very core. It wasn’t exactly a comforting feeling, but it seemed to calm the constant fighting between his human and ghostly forms. He supposed he should be at least thankful for that as it helped prevent slip ups around his family.

That had been the most nerve wracking aspect of his changes. His energy often surged without warning which triggered some sort of ghostly ability that both Frostbite and Clockwork neglected to mention to him. His body parts liked to inappropriately pass through solid objects or disappear for a few minutes at a time. It often went away after a few frantic moments of trying to fix the problem. He had yet to tell his friends about it.

For the most part, he kept to himself and in his room while he was under this surveillance period. However, he still had bodily needs. So, he would venture to the kitchen for snacks.

A couple hours after dinner, he went downstairs for one such snack. He found his sister in the living room watching breaking news regarding a disappearance of a teen. As he listened to the reporter, a strange chill ran through him. That chill worsened after they showed a photo of the girl – she was an underclassman at his school.

“How long have you been standing there?” Jazz demanded after she realized he was there. Had he really been that quiet?

“Long enough. What exactly happened to her?” He moved to sit down on the couch with her.

“After what just happened to you, I don’t think you should listen.”

He rolled his eyes. “Jazz, I’m fine. Besides, I already heard enough to know she went missing around the same time me and my classmates did.”

Jazz narrowed her eyes as she seemingly examined him for some unknown sign. When she didn’t find it, she sighed and caught him up. “She and her family went on a normal hike on a short trail outside the city. When she didn’t come back at the designated time, a search party went looking for her. She was found unharmed near a bend the creek that follows that trail.” She paused as she scratched her head. “It doesn’t seem too unusual, but something her parents said in an interview is bugging me. They said she seemed like an entirely different person after she was found. I’m trying to get more information to see if I have any information that might be able to help them.”

“You probably shouldn’t stick your nose in it.”

The expression she shot him went from offended to sheepish as she backtracked. “Well… I wasn’t going to directly get involved. I was just going to send a message to their doctors if I could find a psychological change that could help with their prognoses. I wonder if they’d let me do a case study on her for my class.” Jazz had received special permission to return home for a couple weeks to make sure Danny was fine. However, true to form, she had promised to work on any potential projects due the time period.

“Jazz… I’m serious. You shouldn’t get involved.” When Jazz looked like she was going to argue with him, he gave her the most intense glare he could muster. “You have no idea what might have happened to her. Getting involved when you shouldn’t, might make it worse, or you might get yourself involved in something you’ll end up regretting.”

She floundered as she tried to find her words. If he didn’t know any better, she almost seemed afraid. “I don’t understand you,” she eventually told him. “You’ve never taken such an interest in any of my previous projects.”

Danny just rubbed his temples. Jazz didn’t tend to back down from anything unless she had a sound argument. “Jazz, I’m telling you, there’s something wrong here. Don’t approach her.”

“Are you implying that her temporary disappearance has something to do with what happened to you and your classmates?”

“I know it sounds crazy, but call it a gut feeling.”

She gently patted his shoulder. “I know what this is about.”

“You do?”

She gave him a pitying look. “Because your situations are so similar, you’re projecting your fears and experience on to her.”

“What? That’s not it at all!”

“You just keep telling yourself that, little brother.” With that phrase, she effectively dismissed anything else he had to say.

Still unsettled, Danny excused himself and went back to his room to see if he could find any more information as to what happened to the underclassman and to alert Sam and Tucker to the information. While he was able to get little more than the information he heard on the news report, the feeling something else was wrong wouldn’t leave him.

[lu-undy]

Chapter 22 - SBT

Here it is!

"I have no intention to kill you but any sudden movement and I will not think twice." 

The man in the mask held his gun against the Aussie's temple. Mundy raised his hands left and right, slowly.

"Weren't your hands tied?" He asked. 

"You freed me with a swing of your… What the hell is even that sword?" 

"It's a kukri, you genius. Never seen any before? Oh I guess you don't need those while ya teach business people how to ski, eh?"

The man in the mask pressed the barrel harder. 

"Play with my nerves and you will find out how far I am from being a ski instructor." His voice was confident, with a foreign accent.

"Right, okay, easy now…"

"You are the sharpshooter who took them all down, aren't you?" 

"Y-yeah." Mundy's back was hunched. He had faced danger a lot of times through his career, but mostly from animals, not from men.

"What are you doing here?" 

"Same as you I guess, I'm after the alligators."

"Why?" 

"I want to take them back to where they belong. I know the bloke who owns them, just want to give him back his property."

"Why send a sharpshooter? This should be a job for the police."

"Yeah, well, you don't look like a policeman either, eh?" Mundy put a hand on his chest. "I'm a hunter. And you, what are you, a fancy ski teacher?" 

"What I am is none of your concern." The man in the suit lowered his gun and put it inside his jacket. "You can take your precious alligators. They are in the other truck. Didn't you see them swap them?"

Lucien took the blade that was hidden on his belt, behind, and finished cutting off the last bits of the cloth that had him tied. He sighed in relief when his wrists got freed.

"I came a bit too late for that, but not too late to save your arse." Mundy took a step towards the other man and towered him. "And you're welcome by the way." He pointed his finger and tapped the suit. 

The other winced and dusted it off immediately with the back of his gloved hand. He walked to the bodies of the fallen thugs and knelt down next to one. He realised that there were no bullet holes on any of them, only darts on their heads, or their necks. But there was some blood. How did that happen…?

"Interesting." He removed one dart and smelt it. No distinctive odour. He raised an eyebrow. Meanwhile, the hunter had gone to the other truck and opened it at the back. 

"Hello, beauties…" He saw the crates marked fragile with holes for the poor alligators to breathe. He looked through one and a green eye with a dark slit blinked at him. "Thank God, you're still alive…" He ran his fingers on the crate and the crocodile purred in a low growl. "Sshhh… It's alright now, I'm takin' you back home."

The alligators around started answering the growls, waking up slowly.

"There, there, ladies and gents', let me just count you. One, two, three, four…" 

The man in the suit came to the truck with one of the darts in his hand. He inhaled to start speaking but then decided to not interrupt. When Mundy finished counting the alligators, his index finger stopped hopping from one crate to the next and Lucien  finally spoke. 

"Are you also going to check their names, passports and tickets?" He ironically asked, tilting his head on the side.

"Twenty-six…" Mundy repeated to himself. 

"Oh, you know how to count till twenty-six, bravo, I am impressed." His accent sang the irony. 

"Wait, hold on, let me count again. One, two, three, four…"

"Or maybe you do not know how to count to twenty-six…" Lucien rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Twenty-six again. Mate, I expected twenty-one…"

"Well, consider it a bonus for your trouble. You could give back twenty-one and keep the others for target practise." 

"Target practice?" Mundy turned and hopped off the truck. He landed on the ground such that his face was a few inches away from Lucien's, unfazed. "Target practice?" He repeated, disgusted by the words. 

"Well, you said it yourself, you are a hunter. By definition, you hunt these things, this is your trade." 

Mundy locked the truck shut again.

"No, you idiot, I don't. Look at them. They're scared, uncomfortable and lonely, all boxed up like it's their casket. Ugh!" Mundy winced. 

"What are your preys then, if not animals?" 

"Poachers." 

"Poachers?" Lucien repeated. 

"Yeah." 

"Then you are doubly unique. But that does not tell me what I want to know."

"Doubly?" Mundy asked.

"What did you put in the darts?"

"Drop your weapons!" 

The voice split their conversation sharp. Lucien and Mundy realised they were surrounded by more of Duchemin's men. 

"Bugger…" 

"Merde…"

[Shit.]

"I said: drop your weapons or we'll shoot!" It was a dozen of them, surrounding them and taking aim with their rifles. 

Lucien took his gun delicately from his inner pocket on his jacket and dropped it to the floor. Mundy let his whole backpack and his rifle fall at his feet. Two of the thugs came close and took them away. Both Lucien and Mundy gritted their teeth. 

"Who are you?" Duchemin's henchman continued shouting at them. 

"Not deaf is what we are, can you speak normally?" Mundy answered as he raised his hands. 

"Who are you?!"

"Ouch!" 

One of the thugs knocked Mundy with his rifle's butt behind his knees and he fell on them. 

"I'm a hunter, bloody hell!"

"And you?!" They turned their attention to Lucien. 

"His apprentice." 

Mundy raised an eyebrow. 

"Aïe!"

[Ouch!]

Lucien received the same blow and knelt down. They both got handcuffed with ropes and taken a few metres away. 

"Tie them to that post."

They found themselves back to back, sitting on the concrete floor of the old hangar. 

"How did you get there?" The leader of Duchemin's squad asked.

"Just following a butterfly." Lucien said and he received another knock from a rifle's butt, this time, across the face. "Aïe!"

[Ouch!]

"Mate, he's tellin' the truth. We were looking for game, we followed a trail through here. It wasn't a butterfly though. Don't mind my uh… apprentice. He's cocky and can't keep his tongue in his mouth."

Lucien spat some blood away and gritted his teeth. 

"Cocky? Me?!" 

"Yeah, you, cocky. Can't you answer the bloke so that we get outta there?" 

The leader of the small group took a walkie-talkie from his belt and started speaking to it. 

"Beta? This is Delta, we have two intruders. Our blokes were shot dead it seems."

"What intruders?" The voice on the walkie-talkie answered. 

"Two hunters, they were following some beast when they arrived here."

"Do they know who killed our men?" 

"Do you?" The leader turned to Lucien and Mundy. 

"Not him, he can't aim with his rifle. I should have paid a better hunting teacher, I knew the low price had to hide something…" Lucien said.

"What?!" Mundy roared. "Excuse me? I'm sure as hell better than you!"

"How would you know? You never let me shoot anything!" Lucien continued. 

"Yeah, cause I'm better!" Mundy slid in the comedy effortlessly and hoped that his fellow hostage had an idea behind all that…

"Enough!" The leader of the thugs said. "Who killed my men? Do you know, yes or no?"

"No!" They both answered and Mundy thanked the Lord that Lucien lied, and convincingly at that. 

"The trail to the animal we were following led here. They must have been attracted by the blood." Mundy said. 

"Keep the intruders with you and the convoy, Delta, we're sending reinforcements. It might take a few hours, all units are busy." The walkie-talkie said. 

"Roger, we'll stay here." 

It turned out that the walkie-talkie man hadn't lied. It took forever for the promised reinforcements to come. Mundy and Lucien saw the sky darken as they sat there and they could feel their behind get sore. 

The guards on the other hand didn't seem too bothered by the wait. Some were playing cards on the floor and smoking, others were having a chat. They took turns in looking after their hostages, one at a time. 

Mundy eventually closed his eyes and dosed off. As he did so, he weighed more on Lucien's back, the post not being wide enough to carry his weight and the Frenchman headbutted him from behind, waking him up in a startle. 

"Ouch! What was that for?!" 

"You were crushing me! Didn't you realise it?"

"I was fallin' asleep, you mongrel! Ugh…" Mundy sighed and shook his head. He wished he could rub that place that Lucien hit on his head with his hand. It did hurt quite a bit! He rubbed it against the post.

"Couldn't you have done it a bit more delicately?" He hissed. 

"My apologies, Sleeping Beauty, next time, I shall try to think of it, hm?" 

"Ugh…" Mundy rolled his eyes and looked up in front of him. The guard in charge of looking after them looked quite young. The others were quite far away. "Hm?"

He felt something odd against his wrists, where the ropes were. Something was moving there… He tried getting his fingers closer but-

"Ouch!"

Lucien froze when he realised that Mundy got hurt on his fingers. 

"What's wrong?" The guard asked.

"N-nothin', just a cramp, mate." Mundy winced at the sting on his fingers. "Bloody tiring to sit on concrete for hours…"

"Maybe you could go for a break?" Lucien suggested and Mundy took it for irony. 

"Yeah, I'll ask them to just let me walk away, right?" 

"No, I meant that you might want a break to… You know… We drank quite a lot of water through the afternoon…" Lucien was trying to make him understand and wished Mundy would take the bait. The Aussie thought fast. If his fellow prisoner reckoned it might be a good idea, why not? 

"Yeah actually… Uh, 'scuse me, mate? D'you mind if I take a quick piss?" Mundy asked and Lucien rolled his eyes. 

"Such a poet you are." 

"What did you want me to say?! I'm just callin' it what it is!" 

The guard seemed hesitant. 

"Look, you can come and search me, I don't have anything on me, and you got one hell of a rifle. If I move, you shoot me. But I won't move. I just need a damn piss!" 

"Fine." The guard came closer and freed Mundy. He pointed his rifle in his back and pushed, just so that Mundy could feel the barrel, and the threat. As he stood up, something shiny caught his eye. Mundy looked at the base of the post, where Lucien's gloved hands were, and saw the glint of a blade. He felt a sweat break but didn't let it show. 

That's what cut my fingers… He thought.

"You mind if I take one of my jars from my backpack?" The Aussie asked. 

"What?" 

"Piss is a great tool for us hunters. Would hate for it to go to waste. You can give them to me, I won't get near the backpack. Just bring me two of them, I've been holdin' myself for quite a long time…"

Lucien winced and made all kinds of disgusted faces from his post, as he watched the whole scene. 

"Fine." 

The young guard went to the back pack and opened it. He threw two glass jars at Mundy. 

"Thanks mate, now, I'll uh… I'll do my business against the pillar here. You can keep the rifle on me, but eh, bit of privacy, please?" 

Lucien watched horrified, as Mundy not only filled the first jar, but also the second. But he went on sawing through the ropes with his blade and soon felt the last fibres yield. He was ready to spring up his feet anytime. He just needed an opportunity. All the guards were busy, except that one who was with Mundy.

"Ahhh…" The Aussie exhaled, relieved. "You have no idea how long I was holding all this." He said as he shut the second jar and brandished them like trophies. "And that's a nice stock! Now, I guess you don't really want to touch them, d'you mind if I put them in my backpack myself?"

The young man with the dark grey uniform and the rifle was as disgusted as Lucien had been, and he nudged Mundy with the tip of his rifle. 

"Ah, thanks, alroight, no need to be violent…" 

Mundy went to the backpack on the ground about one meter away from the pillar. His rifle and Lucien's gun were there too. He slightly turned his head to Lucien and winked. 

The Frenchman didn't wait for more. He sprang to his feet as Mundy turned and headbutted the young man who got tackled one fraction of a second later by Lucien. 

"Aargh!" 

The rest of the guards turned their heads and sprang to their feet. Lucien had knocked the young man unconscious. 

"The hostages are escaping!" 

Mundy had taken his backpack and rifle off the ground as he kicked Lucien's gun to him. They both took cover behind pillars. 

"Good job, Professor Ski!" Mundy said between flying bullets. He turned and threw both jars at the group of thugs. They shattered to smithereens and covered most of them in the Aussie's bodily fluid. 

"Did you just…?" Lucien's jaw dropped but then realised that most of them had their eyes closed and were out of cover still. He and Mundy shot them down.

Lucien went out of cover momentarily and shot two thugs. Mundy realised that he was also using a gun with a suppressor. 

"You disgust me!" 

Mundy reloaded his rifle and used it without scoping.

"Maybe, but it worked!" He proudly answered.

"Also, my name isn't Professor Ski!"

"I'm M, you?" 

"L!" 

"El what?" Mundy asked, thinking the man had a Spanish accent and therefore was Spanish.

"Just L! Three more down! Watch out on your right!" 

Mundy turned and shot one of them while Lucien got the other one. The reload time between two shots for Mundy now turned to be a little issue for heated situations like these but he still managed. 

After a few more shots, silence fell in the old hangar.

"I think we got them all." Mundy said. 

"Yes, we did." Lucien put his gun back in his inside pocket, on his jacket. "Now, who didn't you kill…?" 

"What?" Mundy asked, confused. 

"I need one alive." Lucien answered. 

"Why?" 

"To interrogate him." 

"Well I didn't kill any of them." Mundy said. "They're asleep, is all." 

"What?" Lucien asked. 

"The darts, they're sleepin' ones, not poison or anything, I'm a hunter, not a murderer."

"Well, how come they bleed so much?" 

"The darts have 2 bits, one with the tranquiliser and one with pig blood. It's to make them believe that I kill them. I hunt poachers to scare them off, not to kill them." Mundy explained. 

"I see."

"And you, you killed them, you brute!"

"Non, I have tranquiliser shots too."

"What?" Mundy's turn to be surprised. 

"Yes, I could have killed them, but they don't deserve it, no one does. Actually non, only one person does, he is worse than the Devil himself." Lucien knelt down to one guard.

"Crikey, who's that?"

"The man I will find." 

Lucien dragged the body of the sleeping guard to the post where he was previously tied up and handcuffed him there with ropes. 

"You may drive your truck away now. Thank you for the unexpected help." Lucien said. 

"I'm not goin' anywhere, mate." 

"Why?" 

"I also need to know somethin' out of these brutes." 

The Frenchman rolled his eyes. 

"Can't I torture him in peace?" 

"Oh I'm botherin' you now, am I? I was the one who bloody saved you! You owe me!" Mundy said. 

"Arh…" Lucien put a gloved hand to his face and let it sink down from his brow to his chin. "Fine. You may stay. Now…" 

The Frenchman knelt down and removed the dart from the guard's face. 

"Let us begin." 

He slapped him across the face to wake him up.

[lobsterdex]

beach house living (part 2)

part 1

here’s some more beach au. the google doc is at like. 8k words. oops. but here is just some of it bc i want to share it but i also want to finish it before i post it on ao3. anyways. tagging some mutuals bc give me attention @birlcholtz @tonytangredis @pieplease @fasterthanthemoon @unfairlawyer

.

He’s back in his and Shitty’s room hanging his clothes up in his half of the closet when he hears a loud bang, followed by footsteps and a general commotion. 

“Holster,” someone says, “How many times have I said quit that, you’re going to dent the wall.” 

“Dex can fix it!”

“Fuck you, you can fix it yourself.”

The voices continue, along with what sounds like footsteps going up the stairs and another loud slam that Jack assumes is the front door being closed. A few minutes later after the noise dies down, someone knocks on the bedroom door, and it starts to open before he can answer. 

It’s Shitty, saying, “It’s me, hope you’re not naked.” He catches sight of Jack by the closet and grins. “Nice, yeah, make yourself at home.” 

Jack stares at him. “What if I had been naked?” 

Shitty laughs. “Then I would close my eyes out of respect for you and your beautiful body. We’re leaving in five to go grocery shop, just a heads up.” He starts pulling clothes out of the dresser, so Jack turns back to the closet and hangs up another shirt to give him privacy.

“You ready?” Shitty says behind him. Jack hangs up another shirt before turning around. He takes a moment to take it in. Shitty is wearing cutoff jean shorts and a neon pink tank top that’s so bright it almost hurts to look at. It says, “life’s a beach.” 

Jack remembers Shitty asked a question. “Yeah, let me get my wallet.”

Shitty heads for the door. “Pretty much everyone is in the den, I’ll introduce you before we leave.” 

Jack grabs his wallet from the night stand and follows him into the hall. He wonders how many people actually live here and if his father even knows. Bob had said it was a four bedroom house but not much else. 

In retrospect, Jack should’ve asked more questions.

Again, too late now. 

Shitty announces their arrival by cupping his hands around his mouth as a megaphone and screaming, “Silence!” 

The chatter dies down, and everyone in the room turns to look at them. 

Jack thinks, why. 

“This is our new roomie Jack Zimmermann,” Shitty says, gesturing at him. 

Jack tries not to cower behind him. He doesn’t know if they follow sports, or hockey, or if they know who exactly their landlord is, but no one seems to react to his name. Small miracles. 

“You met Lardo,” Shitty says, pointing. She nods at Jack. 

“That’s Ransom,” he points to a tall, dark skinned guy standing by Lardo, who is sitting on the kitchen counter. Ransom smiles at him. “That’s Chowder and Bitty,” he points to an Asian kid in a sharks tank top - so at least one person in this house follows hockey, fucking hell, who gives him a little wave, and a shorter, blond, white boy with freckles and a tan, who smiles brightly. 

“That tall bastard is Holster,” Shitty points to another blond white boy next to Bitty. Holster grins and nods.“And those two are Nursey and Dex,” he gestures to the brown skinned guy with a tattoo circling his bicep and a third white guy with freckles and bright orange hair. 

Why does no one have a normal name, Jack thinks. 

“Hi,” he says lamely. “I’m Jack.”

“Welcome, dude,” Nursey says. 

“Alright,” Shitty claps. “Anyone who wants to go to the store, up and at ‘em.” 

Jack has just enough time to hope it isn’t a long drive and that they won’t ask him about himself during it before five of them pile into a gold Subaru parked in the driveway. Shitty has the keys and Bitty calls shotgun, so Jack crams in the back with Ransom and Dex. He gets the middle seat, which Dex apologizes for. 

“Sorry we bitch seated you,” he says with a smile. “But since Bitty got shotty, you are the shortest.” 

Jack shrugs, or tries to. “It’s fine.” 

Shitty backs out of the driveway while Ransom and Bitty play rock-paper-scissors for the aux cord. Bitty wins it, plugs in his phone and starts playing pop music Jack doesn’t recognize. 

“Yo, Shits, guess what happened today,” Ransom says. 

Up front, Bitty twists around to face the backseat and rolls his eyes. “Are you going to tell everyone this, Rans?”

“Uh, yeah. I fucking am,” Ransom scoffs. Bitty rolls his eyes again and flashes a grin in Jack’s direction. 

“So this lady comes up to my chair, right. Total white suburban mom vibes, visor and, like, Ray Bans or Tiffany shades or whatever.”

“Oh boy,” Shitty says.

“Oh yes,” Ransom says. “So I’m like, okay, benefit of the doubt, maybe she has a reasonable question about riptides or our hours or sunscreen, I don’t know.”

To Jack’s right, Dex sighs. 

“But no,” Ransom continues. That would be too much to hope for. Instead, this woman--Shits. Guess what this woman asks me.”

“I cannot even begin to guess.” 

“She asks if it’s safe to go in the ocean even if you can’t swim.” 

“Bro,” Shitty says. 

“I know,” Ransom says. 

“Some fucking people,” Dex says. 

Bitty, still facing the backseat, rolls his eyes again. Jack snorts, which earns him a sideways glance and a grin from Ransom. 

“So I’m up there, leaning down to hear her better, and she says that, and for a sec I just fucking stare at her like I’m the idiot. Processing that. Thinking about how to phrase ‘no the fuck you can’t’ nicely. And then I go, ‘No, ma’am, I’m sorry, but it’s not safe to swim unless you know how to effectively stay afloat.’ And then she says, ‘I don’t mean swimming, I just mean going in the water.’”

Jack frowns, and Dex sighs again, shaking his head. 

Up front, Shitty just says, “What.” 

“Right? So I ask, ‘What do you mean by ‘just going in the water?’ and she fucking gives me this look, like I’m the dumbass. And she says ‘I mean just the shallow part, where the waves crash.’ And I try my very hardest not to look up at the sky and ask the gods for help. And I say, ‘I’m very sorry ma’am, but that’s also dangerous due to the currents. Rip tides can be very strong.’ Which like, okay, she might not be taken out by a riptide, but assuming she has kids and shit and no athletic ability herself, she shouldn’t chance it if she can’t even tread water.”

“Lot of assumptions you’re making there, Ransy babe,” Shitty warns. 

“I know, I know. But in terms of safety, I’m trying to play it safe, and she’s the one who told me she can’t fucking swim.” 

“Hm,” Shitty says. “Acceptable. Carry on.” 

“So she says, ‘But what about just the shallow part? Where the waves come up and go away?’ And yeah, okay, she’d be fine above the tide, but again, safety and liability and whatnot. I don’t want it to be on me if she pulls some shit. So I tell her again, no, it isn’t safe. And I fucking shit you not, this lady says, ‘Are you sure? Is there someone else I can speak to?’ This bitch really asked if she could speak to a manager. On the fucking beach.”

Up front, Shitty is laughing. Bitty is grinning and shaking his head. Dex snorts, and Jack finds himself smiling, because what. 

“So I fucking walkie beach patrol, and we wait 10 minutes for Ollie to roll up, and he tells her the same exact fucking thing, and she frowns and gets all huffy and has the audacity to ask us if we’re sure. Like, yeah, bitch, we’re pretty fucking sure. If you’d dug around in your brain a little bit for your common sense maybe you wouldn’t be so mad about it. Jesus Christ.” 

Shitty opens the front door, and Jack realizes they’ve arrived and parked. 

“What’d she do after that?” Shitty asks before getting out of the car.

Ransom opens the door and climbs out, saying, “Well, apparently, she walked to the other lifeguard stand and asked them the same fucking thing.” 

Jack climbs out after Ransom, finds himself saying, “You’re kidding.” 

“Bro, I wish,” Ransom says. “That lifeguard, I think it was April, also had to radio beach patrol, so Ollie went over there to check it out and had to call someone else from beach patrol ‘cause this bitch still didn’t like our answer. Ollie came back and told me about it, ‘cause he’s a bro.” 

“Ollie just loves to gossip,” Bitty says. 

“I said what I said. Guy’s a bro.” 

“I always get him confused with Wicks,” Dex says. 

Bitty grabs a cart from the front of the store. The automatic doors slide open, and they get blasted with air conditioning, which is a relief to Jack. Everyone splits up pretty much immediately, so Jack just trails behind Bitty because he has the cart and Jack has nobody’s phone number if he gets lost. 

Bitty notices Jack following him and flashes another smile. “Guess you’re with me! We’re doing the shopping for the next week or so. Or so we say. Someone always ends up going again during the week for snacks or butter or because they’re suddenly inspired by the food network.”

Jack nods, and Bitty steers them into the fridge aisle. 

“It gets a bit chaotic just because there’s so many of us. But we have a system now, of sorts, Shitty and Lardo shop for each other, Ransom and Holster shop for each other, lord knows they know each other well enough, and Dex or Chowder shops for the other and Nursey. Nursey, bless his heart, always forgets something.” 

It’s around this point that Jack notices Bitty has a southern accent. He also notices that Bitty has dumped about 10 packages of butter in the cart. 

He decides not to ask. 

“I shop for just me, myself, and I, but I also usually end up buying the most. Sometimes the other boys will make a store run for me though, which is nice of them, but they get some of the goods, so it balances out,” Bitty says. He’s talking really quickly. Jack has no idea what that last bit is supposed to mean. 

Bitty puts two cartons of eggs in the cart. Jack’s brain processes the “I shop for me statement” and he adds another carton for himself. 

“All the people that shop for each other have a texting system worked out, I believe. There are so many group chats, I can’t keep track. I know Chowder, Nursey, and Dex have one, which I think is how they cover everything grocery shopping. There’s a whiteboard on the fridge we add to, but it isn’t very consistent. Feel free to add anything you need to it, though, I always take a picture of it before we shop! Is there anything else you need in this aisle, Jack?”

“Oh, uh, no.” 

Bitty pushes the cart onwards, talking as they go. Jack isn’t really following, but Bitty doesn’t seem to be expecting answers, so Jack nods and smiles and adds things to the cart and eventually, Shitty reappears with his own basket full of groceries and he and Bitty settle into a comfortable sounding banter. 

Ransom and Dex find them near the checkout lanes, adding their groceries to the cart. 

The seating arrangement is the same for the ride back, except Ransom gets to play the music this time. He plays different pop music that Jack still doesn’t really recognize, but everyone - save Jack and Dex - is singing along. 

Jack helps unload the groceries. He’s about to escape back to his room when Holster says, “Hey, Jack, we’re grilling tonight, do you want chicken or a burger?” 

“Oh. Chicken is fine.” 

“Nice. We’ll start screaming when it’s ready.” 

Jack blinks at him.

“Or we can just come get you.”

“Oh. Uh, thanks.” Jack takes it for the dismissal that it is and heads back to his room. He finishes unpacking, does some sit ups in an attempt to get rid of nervous energy, and ends up lying in bed staring at the blank Safari tab on his phone. He opens his messages instead, lets his parents know he’s settled in. There’s a text from his therapist letting him know they can do phone sessions. He ignores it for now. 

There are no texts from Kent. Which makes sense. There haven’t been since they fought on the phone a few days after Jack got out of rehab.

Jack can’t decide whether or not he actually wants to hear from him. Can’t decide if he misses him or if he just misses hockey. 

A knock on the door stops that train of thought. 

“Food,” someone says. 

“Thanks,” Jack calls. 

Dinner is burgers, chicken, and grilled vegetables. It’s surprisingly good, better than Jack expected from a bunch of 20 somethings. They crowd around the glass dining table on the porch and it’s loud and cheerful, everyone talking over each other and laughing. He declines the offer of beer, but not everyone is drinking, so he doesn’t feel like the odd man out. He doesn’t say much, but he’s sandwiched between Holster and Shitty, the latter occasionally elbowing him and grinning.  They’re both loud and talkative, so he pretends he can’t get a word in and smiles whenever someone catches his eye.

At some point, Shitty and Holster are arguing over his head, and Jack catches Bitty looking at him. Bitty blushes, but offers a sympathetic smile and shakes his head. He says something that Jack doesn’t quite catch, so he leans forward and taps his ear. 

Bitty meets him halfway. “These boys,” he repeats, and he sounds incredibly fond. 

Jack goes to bed around ten. He lies awake for longer than he’d like to admit, but still falls asleep before Shitty returns to the room.

[lilibetts]

Someone within a twenty feet radius loves you!

(Part 2/3, Theme 1)

Betty was going to delete LoveAlarm from her phone.

She should have deleted LoveAlarm off her phone.

But come Wednesday afternoon, she still hasn’t, and she couldn’t have told you why. A glutton for punishment, probably.

>>No, you’re just a hopeful romantic! Veronica texts her while she’s in the library during study hall, working on an English essay.  >>The app is all about proximity. You don’t know who you simply haven’t been within twenty feet of yet. Or maybe they just haven’t downloaded the app.

Maybe so, yet Betty can’t help but feel like there is a fine line between hopeful and masochistic. She wants to text Veronica back with a passive-aggressive message about how Veronica has it easy with a bunch of pings and *at least* two people around the school who love her. But she doesn’t because that would be shitty.

The point is, LoveAlarm is still on her phone and she’s doing her best to forget all about it and her unexpectedly complicated feelings about Archie. That’s when it happens: she feels her phone buzzing across the wood table.

Frowning, she checks it, assuming it’s Veronica with more encouraging platitudes. Betty can scarcely believe what she sees, however:

1.

Someone within a twenty feet radius loves you!

The red heart on her screen is practically vibrating off the phone as she watches in shock. Her eyes dart up and around, landing on every face surrounding her. There has to be what, twelve people in the library that could be within twenty feet of her? It’s a popular location for study hall, after all. 

Someone is in love with her.

Was it Trev? Chuck? Sweet Pea? Alex C.? Tyler? Dilton? Of course it occurs to Betty that it could be a girl, but she isn’t up to date on who’s Out and who Veronica and Kevin are convinced are closeted. It definitely isn’t Ethel Muggs, who has started scowling at her every chance she gets lately.

The number on her phone goes back down to zero, so either the person turned their phone off or they just left her radius. Another frantic glance around only shows her the front doors swinging shut. Frowning, Betty realizes that Sweet Pea is no longer in the library and Trev has gotten up and walked over to a shelf in the back. Nobody seems to be doing anything with their phone.

Biting her lip, Betty considers her options, but there’s really only one solution.

                       *********************************************************

Jughead is in the Blue & Gold, fingers clacking away at the typewriter Betty had gotten him for his 16th birthday, Sweet Pea’s teasing words echoing in his ears, when said Hitchcock blonde comes bursting into the room.

“Juggie!” she exclaims a little breathlessly. She has one of those determined grins on her face that make his heart go pitter-patter. 

Thankfully, his phone is off, so it can’t tell on him.

“I need your help.” She drags another chair up to his desk and sits down primly, spine straight and ankles crossed. /If you have the time./

/Of course. What’s up?/

Betty hesitates then, biting her lip. /I downloaded LoveAlarm,/ she says finally, arms and voice tentative. /Someone pinged it in the library earlier and I want you to help me find out who./ With that, Betty slaps down a piece of paper with a list of names on it. Jughead swallows hard.

He’s not an absolute moron, he did expect this. When presented with an unknown suitor, of course Betty Cooper would immediately start to investigate. 

He could just tell her, but again, vulnerability is scary. As Tim Kreider wrote, “If you want to enjoy the rewards of being loved, you also have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.” It’s a certainty that she’ll figure it out eventually. Maybe he’s being a coward, but hey, Betty *loves* solving mysteries.  

Jughead doesn’t expect her love in return, he’s just flattered that he was the first one she thought of to help her figure out who pinged her LoveAlarm.

/Why are Sweet Pea and Trev’s names starred?/

/They left my radius around the same time my LoveAlarm went from 1 to 0./

When Jughead had decided to sneak into the library earlier and make her phone ping while he hid in the stacks behind her, he had been counting on the other students around her as cover but now, seeing that she’s zeroed in on two guys in particular has a pit opening up in his stomach.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Jones. Just tell her,” Sweet Pea had told him.

His hands feel clunky as he tries to sign. /And if it’s one of them, how would you feel?/

The question stymies Betty, who shakes her head and shrugs, gathering up her things. /I don’t know. Let’s just figure out who it is and I’ll figure out how I feel then./

“Okay,” Jughead ends up saying to her retreating back.

Thursday is simultaneously the most fun and the most torturous. In the morning, Jughead finds himself helping Betty stalk Sweet Pea down G Hallway, chatting him up to stall him near the Chem classrooms and surreptitiously waving her over once he ascertains that Sweet Pea has his phone out and turned on. 

“Hey, Sweet Pea!” 

Betty practically bounces as she comes to a stop next to him, eyes bright but biting her lip nervously. She’s balancing a 13”x9” tupperware container in her arms, and her phone is in her left hand, turned away from them so they can’t see LoveAlarm open on the screen.

Of course Jughead turned his own off as soon as he arrived at school. What do you think he is? An amateur?

“'Sup, Coop?” Sweet Pea doesn’t know a lot of sign language, but he smiles down at her easily. Jughead is overwhelmed by a sudden urge to kick him in the shin. “Are those for me?” Sweet Pea approximates sign with some basic pointing from the cupcakes in the tupperware container before pointing at himself.

“Uh…” Betty’s sneaking a glance at her phone and for a moment, Jughead is worried. “Yes, you can have one. They’re Boston Cream Pie cupcakes.” 

He groans on the inside. Those are his favorite.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Sweet Pea murmurs, grabbing one and peeling away the liner so he can take a bite.

This time, Jughead’s groan may have been audible.

Betty catches Jughead’s eye and shakes her head. Great, that’s one name scratched off their list. To Sweet Pea, she says: “I better be off, or I’ll be late. Bye, guys!” 

Jughead watches her leave, ponytail swishing from side to side. Sweet Pea watches him watch her leave for a moment before he clears his throat.

“Listen, Jones, I don’t mean to rush you and all, but...having a cute girl come up to you all smiles and offering you a cupcake—a damn delicious cupcake at that—might make a guy catch feelings. Just saying.” With that, Sweet Pea takes another bite of the cupcake, getting chocolate icing smeared all around his lips. Every chew he takes seems like a threat. A helpful threat.

“Lima Charlie,” Jughead sighs. Message received and understood. Sweet Pea’s older brother had been in the army and thus, he and Jughead had spent years using military jargon over walkie talkies as they snuck around Sunnyside. With a nod, Sweet Pea gives him an unnecessarily hard pat on the back and heads down the hallway.

When Jughead ducks into the Blue & Gold in between the next classes, he sees the tupperware container on his desk, next to his typewriter, a sticky note on top:

The rest are yours! I made your favorites, after all. -B

God I love you, Betty Cooper.

Lunchtime is nearly a disaster. Betty had roped the two of them into helping the Theater Club finish some set decoration for a production of Almost, Maine. All for nothing, because as it turns out, Trev is out for a dentist appointment. Still, Jughead manages to have fun being half-heartedly helpful while he eats his lunch—two ham sandwiches Betty brought in for him as a bribe for helping her with this—and Betty’s having a good time too, as evidenced by the fact she’s smiling so hard her eyes crinkle, and even when she tries to scrunch up her face to be mad at him eating more than painting, it just collapses into another giggling fit.

It’s when lunch is over and they’re heading up the aisle to where they’d left their things that Jughead remembers he left his phone on. Betty has hers with her, since she thought she would be testing Trevor’s phone for pings, and she’s barely five feet behind him.

Crap.

He hurries ahead and grabs it, depressing the power button. Just before the screen goes black, he could have sworn he saw his LoveAlarm app begin to open.

He doesn’t let himself think anything of it. In the rush, his thumb had probably hit the app button.

                  **************************************************************

Thursday night finds Betty pondering the mystery that still remains: the identity of the person who loves her. Sweet Pea has been eliminated from the list of possibilities, but Trev Brown remains a question mark. 

Curled up in her thick socks and comfiest sweatpants, hair wet from her shower and starting to curl, Betty stares at her laptop screen as she contemplates their next step. Her and Jughead had bonded over their mutual love of The Baxter Brothers and Tracy True books as children, and they’d conducted more than one investigation together over the years, so it’s natural that Betty had gone to him for help with this, even if it’s a little embarrassing.

But why, a niggling little voice asks at the back of her mind. Jughead’s question comes back to her: what will she do if it’s Trev? She doesn’t know. 

Trev’s...nice. He’s cute, and smart, and Betty doesn’t have the faintest idea what she’d do with the knowledge that he’s in love with her. Go on a date with him, she supposes, to at least see whether there is something there before she...breaks his heart? That’s what you do, right? You go to dinner at one of the few nicer restaurants in town or you go see a movie at the Bijou.

She doesn’t really want to think about this, Betty realizes, as her attention wanders from her Sleuthster search results to the ads along the column on the right. One ad catches her eye and she gasps, straightening in her chair and grabbing her phone. Her thumbs fly over the keys as before she hits [send].

<<Do you still have the reels for Rear Window?

>>Yes, why?

<<We should set the projector up in my basement and watch it this weekend. I’ll supply the snacks.

>>Capital idea, Betts, but how are you going to get all that junk food past the K9-level olfactory senses of Alice Cooper?

<<It just so happens that my mom and dad are going to visit Polly in Boston this weekend.

>>Cambridge. Just say Cambridge.

<<As long as we dispose of the evidence and air out the basement with some Febreeze, mom will be none the wiser. I’m sure Archie will donate his trash bin to the cause.

There’s a longer pause before Jughead replies.

>>It’s a   plan

>>Speaking of plans, what do you need me to do tomorrow re: Mission Pings?

Betty grins and taps out the basic framework of how they’re going to corner Trev before the pizza party at lunch, but Jughead will have her phone on him so he can feel for her ping, and listen for Trev’s ping. A thought occurs to her and Betty suddenly feels selfish for insisting that Jug help her.

<<I meant to ask you...have you downloaded LoveAlarm?

>>What do you think?

>>Besides, I already know what it would say.

A terrible feeling, like a vise in her chest, takes her over as she reads and re-reads those words. How can Jughead believe this? Almost immediately on the heels of that thought is the reminder that Betty herself had been despondent on Tuesday when she allowed the melodramatic thought  that ‘nobody was going to ever love her’ to take hold.

<<That’s bullshit. Any girl would be lucky to fall in love with you!

She means her words. Jughead may be antisocial, he may wear that crown beanie practically all the time, and okay, yes he can be the most extra fucking weirdo on the planet...but he’s also clever and passionate, she’s seen firsthand how caring and considerate he can be, and of course he’s objectively attractive. 

Betty stares at the window that faces the Andrews’ home, with the roller shades that are always pulled down lately, and pictures Jughead’s face in her mind, how he’s a bit on the pretty side, especially with that mouth. She thinks about how jealous she’s been of that wild head of dark hair in the past, when she’s seen him with the hat off, and how over the past year he’s shot up another inch or two and seems to have filled out, especially in the arms—

>>From your thumbs to God’s ears, Betts. Night, I’ve gotta be up bright and early to help you catch the worm.

She lets out a huff of laughter and rolls her eyes even though she knows he can’t see her.

<<Night, Juggie.