#and like. idk those accounts feel very surface level to me

[lesbiancolumbo]

Hi!

I am not the substance anon and I haven't even watched the movie but I agree what you both said in general, bc it seems more and more that if the meaning of a movie isn't really plastered everywhere, people won't understand it and the moviemakers know this so the movie is dumbed down to the 100th.

For a lot of people that loved the Darcy hand flex, I don't think now they would understand it, even if it was already very obvious.

I am not against researching after a movie bc you haven't understand it, tell I have done it with decisions to leave and I don't understand some parts of it even now bc it isn't meant for me and it's ok, but sometimes people just don't pay attention or really don't use a single brain cell.

Even I that I have just seen the GIF of the substance knew that Moore and the young girl are the same character, they look practically the same and they kiss the camera in the same way! What did the people want more, a sticker on their forehead with "hi, I am x"?

i don’t want to blame everything on the rise of youtube “X ENDING EXPLAINED!!!!” accounts and cinemasins but those definitely aren’t helping. anyway i agree with you and don’t have a lot to add rn. if those people wanted a literal sticker on their forehead, i have good news for them:

[georgieluz]

oh ok then.! what about pairing your mutuals with band of brothers but as a couple.? ex: mutual x band of brother character.? with who your mutuals would be good with.?

ohhh wait sorry my brain is all over the place today. you said matchmake them with my mutuals, not cast them as. my bad! i shall provide the goods! i'll matchmake like my life depends on it!

(disclaimer: if you're aroace and i was unaware and paired you with someone consider it platonic! bc platonic pairings are just as important when it comes to vibes)

dick winters → @merriell-allesandro-shelton i think he'd be good for you! he'd be very calming and would bring a sense of stability amongst the chaos of life. i also think you'd be able to appreciate his dry sense of humour and he'd feel more at home and at ease bc of that.

lewis nixon → this was the hardest one and there were both too many choices and too little choices. there are a few people that would be obvious picks and way too predictable so i'm giving myself a challenge and i'm gonna pair all the nix stans with other characters :)

harry welsh → can i choose myself? come on, i'm literally your resident harry welsh stan!! no? ok, fine, @iceman-kazansky then! bc you're a fellow harry welsh appreciator and i trust you to dote on that man as much as i do!

carwood lipton → @theflyingfin bc you deserve the amount of love he would give! and i do think you would work well together. he'd appreciate your depth and willingness to express your emotions and just yeah, i'm speaking it into the ether

ron speirs → @hellofanidea. no i will not elaborate. ok i'm kidding i will slightly elaborate. this is one of those "push two people together bc you're curious about what would happen" so i am pushing you two together on account of a hunch that the result would be intriguing

bill guarnere → @cody-helix02 hello bud, you're getting guarnere bc i think you've got the perfect mix of chaos and lowkey softness that would work perfectly with him! y'know, you'd laugh a lot together but you could also ground each other, and i just think you'd have a very charming time together.

joe liebgott → @lamialamia bc i think your personalities would match pretty well. you both say what you think and what's on your mind so i think you'd both appreciate that openness and it would make communication a lot easier. i think your sense of humour would match well with his as well. yeah. i support it!

johnny martin → @cchickki you wouldn't be intimated by his grouchiness and i think it would be a fun match!

joe toye → @blood-mocha-latte. you'd give him the love and appreciation he deserves! i like the balance of how aesthetic you are and how abrupt he can seem on the outside? it makes sense in my head i swear!

eugene roe → @footprintsinthesxnd. i know you've been in a dick obsessed phase lately but you'll always be for gene in my eyes! otp for the ages!!!

george luz → @deadhoodwalking just vibes y'know

david webster → @starlordsatellite a good match up and i think you'd bring the fun out in him too??

babe heffron → @teabights do i feel like you'd make each other more chaotic? yes i do. do i support it with my whole chest? YES I DO

skip muck → @ep6bastogne i know i chose him for you in the cast your mutuals one but i think part of that was just from how well i think your vibes match? idk like i just think you'd have the best dates. y'know that couple that are really fun to hang out with in a group? yeah. that's you guys. fuck it, i ship it.

floyd talbert → me? sorry ok i swear i'll shut up. he's just so fucking pretty. ok back to business.. @hxad-ovxr-hxart don't question my methods the universe is telling me this is the right choice

alton more → @blvestxr (it would feel absolutely criminal to choose anyone else at this point but also you understand him and that's all he could ask for in a partner really.. someone who can see past the surface level stuff.. so yeah, 10/10 pairing)

shifty powers → @mads-weasley for some reason this just makes sense and popped into my head instantly?

chuck grant → @jump-wings. i feel like your aesthetics AND personalities just match nicely? does that make sense? it does to me so i say that's reason enough!

don malarkey → @lewis-winters bc you'd either balance each other out or it'd be a "fix him? i'm gonna make him worse" kinda situation that i'd be down to see unfold

this was a mess i'm sorry

i tried ok

don't fight me

you're stuck with them now

forever :)

[kittenintheden]

okay listen I'm so tired lol

I am a fandom old. I've been around the freaking block like eight dozen times. I'm at the point in my life where I enjoy media because it's FUN and ENRICHING for me personally, rather than something I base my identity on. I adore the community that happens in fan spaces (mostly).

here is why I never trust an anon that's clearly just being a dick: I've been in way to many scenarios where people who aren't even invested in the thing just think it's so fucking funny to watch segments of a community fight with each other. it tickles some part of their lizard brain. their mom never taught them not to be an asshole to strangers. idk.

there's a political term that you may or may not be familiar with called astroturfing. it's frequently used in marketing and politics to falsely create the image of vast public support for something that doesn't actually have all that much natural support. for example, people who don't especially have strong feelings about trans issues being encouraged/paid/instructed to respond to any and all trans support a certain way. responding to blogs, sending letters to the editor, posting on message boards, etc. their goal is to create a broad public perception that most people are anti-trans (untrue).

and it works. entire fucking laws and legislation and protests and fearmongering come out of that shit. people make up FAKE PROBLEMS (cis men dressing up like women to go be pervy in public bathrooms???) and spread the word via bad actors and controlling the public discourse. the media conglomerate that gamed Facebook to disproportionately support asshole authoritarian alt-right clowns and got them elected was EXCELLENT at it.

a similar thing can happen in fandom, ESPECIALLY when that fandom is a haven for women, POC, queer folk, and other minorities. you guys might remember GamerGate and SadPuppies? yeah all those fuckers are still active and still purposely being shitty at every given opportunity because they think it's funny to make the "libs" fight amongst themselves.

look up #yourslipisshowing if you're not familiar. it was a movement by Black Twitter (specifically Black WOMAN Twitter) to expose bad actors who would create accounts posing as Black woman activists, learn the surface-level terminology, and just purposely cause discord in leftist spaces under the ever-familiar activist method of "being morally pure is a thing that can exist."

anyway: any time I get an ask or comment without a name attached that is very obviously intended to poke me in a sore spot, I delete that shit and assume it's some fucker trying to start fan drama for kicks. even if I'm wrong, I still don't need to feed into that shit. this is my fun, happy space. I'm an activist and do activist shit and get angry at the world in real life, I don't need it in my little fandom corner of the internet too.

which is not to say that shitty fans and shitty fandom takes don't really exist. they very much do. but I don't give them much air unless there's an actual name attached. and even THEN it can be hit or miss because people can and do create fake accounts if they're especially dedicated to being a shithead.

so: if you're minding your business and some goober comes into your ask box with shit that's clearly intended to push a button, give it like 24 hours to cool down and decide if it's actually worth it to respond. for me, most of the time I determine that it's not.

don't get me wrong. calling out bad behavior in fandom IS IMPORTANT and SHOULD BE DONE. I just also think it's important to try and find the joy and camaraderie in these spaces as much as possible and that people who try to disrupt that for jollies suck real bad and give a disproportionate perception of "what X fans are like."

in summary, my philosophy is be the best person you can be, be as kind as is warranted, focus on the parts of your fandom that make you happiest, and carry a big stick for when the jerks won't take a hint.

also like. shitting on other characters to prop up your fave is such a freaking middle school move. are you in middle school? if so, I'm sorry. if not, I'm still sorry, but for a different reason.

[yuridovewing]

Honestly it's kinda weird to me how people refuse to hold specifically Ivypool and Blossomfall to a higher standard for how they treat their sisters. I've seen recent pushback claiming it's only misogyny (or in the case of Ivypool because she isn't a 'perfect victim') and like sure, in some cases the hate is because someone is being misogynistic or mad they aren't perfect victims after their stint in the Dark Forest. But not everyone who dislikes those two is doing it in bad faith, and it kinda feels like an oversimplification to say that.

Neither Blossomfall or Ivypool face any consequences from their sisters for how they treated them- even in extreme cases like Ivypool throwing the SkyClan rescue party under the bus explicitly because Dovewing and Tigerheart volunteered together, we aren't supposed to be angry at her- Twigbranch going 'Well I guess since crossclan relationships are the worst thing you can ever do it's okay the mentor I was supposed to be able to trust prevented a formal search for my birth Clan when she knew how important it was to me because she's still beefing with her sister :)' says as much. And almost every time they argue, Dovewing usually is the one making the most effort to amend things. Blossomfall's grudge against Briarlight is never resolved- I could be forgetting but I don't think she ever even apologizes. So is it any wonder people would want Briarlight and Dovewing to cut their sisters off- or at the very least until Ivypool and Blossomfall stopped their toxic behavior? IDK man, again I'm not denying there are bad faith criticisms on the basis that they're female characters but I wish people would accept that Ivypool and Blossomfall aren't good sisters at all and rarely do anything to actually better themselves (or their relationships with their siblings) because the Erins simply don't think it's a problem to begin with.

totally agree with you on people using “it’s just misogyny” as an oversimplified defense for criticism. like, yeah, in some cases, its people being too harsh on the female characters compared to their male counterparts. i won’t deny there’s misogyny in play with some people who hate ivypool and blossomfall, i think it’s good to keep that in mind when trying to criticize the series that like… would we hold a male character accountable for what we’re criticizing the female character for? like if mousewhisker or whoever was in blossomfall’s shoes, would more people like him?

but there’s that, and then there’s just “well you just hate ivypool because you hate female characters”.

i think what really bothers me about that defense in these cases is that the fandom has a big history of putting down the female characters around ivypool or blossomfall in order to prop them up. like, the hate ivypool gets here and there is just not comparable to the sheer vitriol dovewing got. blossomfall having haters here and there is sorta weak compared to the ableism lobbed at briarlight. (and if im feeling kinda brave…. millie as well… like. she’s abusive to briarlight, and narratively she’s far worse than blossomfall ever is, but let’s not pretend people weren’t super weird about her “stealing” graystripe and the blossomfall stuff was just another excuse to rant about how millie is a useless deadweight character who deserves to be maimed for ruining the childhood ship, as opposed to actually being mad at her toxicity. like i never saw a single person until recently criticize how she treated briarlight, just that she’s a big ol’ bitch for snapping at blossomfall)

to say the only reason why anyone would be uncomfortable with these characters is misogyny or abuse apologism is just to be really surface level, because to prop these characters up, people are often shitty to the other female abuse victim characters. and i’m not saying people who love them are ableist misogynistic abuse apologists, because that’s just silly at the end of the day (i know plenty of people who love these characters because of how nuanced they can be in the right hands) hell, i don’t even necessarily think these characters are “abusive”, just toxic and poorly handled by the narrative. i just wish more people would acknowledge how these characters are treated vs. how the “other side” gets treated.

[m0e-ru]

hi ive been binging your blog a lot recently. i rlly adore the sheer effort you've given to these dumbass fucking characters that otherwise get such little people even attempting to appreciate or engage with them beyond very shallow depths. as someone who only really got into the p4 games relatively recently (2022. my only remembered experience with the series beforehand was like a couple episodes of the the p4anim years ago and playing p5 in 2016/2017) and kind of being shell-shocked by how characters like marie and teddie and namatame were perceived by the overall fanbase once i started engaging with it more i really appreciate all the writing and analysis and art and other shit you do for them. even the gas station attendant, a character i overlooked initially, i've come to love because of all the time and energy you put into picking them apart like a dead frog in a science class

uh yea idfk i feel generally vindicated by seeing the way you characterize these bitches. especially marie as someone who felt like a lot of her interesting aspects were evaporated by the fandom (somewhat because of p4ga i feel but but still) and wanted to see more silly fanart of her (and shumarie/soumarie/whatecvrer the fuck that wasn't just kind of surface level romance becuz i rlly do love their dynamic w how i see bancho in my head. idiots who dont know how to properly express themselves w one repressing themselves to adopt a likable persona and the other unable to shut the fuck up much to their own detriment. im not gonna get over that fucking "marie makes everyday sunny for him" post ever i think) so uh keep on keeping on and ill continue to like your posts and something

anyway dumb stupid cringe fucking rant over. i apologize if i come off like a loser i dont use this website and idk the general tumblr etiquette. im pretty sure shit like this shouldnt even go here but . dont need to respond to this i just wanted to yell into the void cuz i appreciate this account. rest of this will just be panels of marie and teddie and bancho from some of the p4g anthologies i own that i wanted to share in the off chance that you also dont already own said anthologies n have seen them befor. these r only from the last ID antho and the dengeki one because those r the only 2 i have proper pictures of

hai i read this ages ago and i wanna get back to it by saying youre so awesome possum forever and ever dont worry about your ettiquette because getting 3 essay worthy paragraphs of you talking is basically everyone ive met in the tumblr nation

another thing i remember is that a bestie also loved your offerings esp the last one because those two look so lalala AUAHUAHA okay i should answer this ask properly now that i have the time 🏃🏃🏃🏃

can we give it up for the bingers and blog skimmers !?!?!?! you guys are such an interesting breed i remember trying to do that in 2018 i can already recall the thrill going through my blood im so honored to see people doing that and moreso coming to me to tell me about it WAHAUHAHA 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

this gas station (blog) really is catered to the niche market of all time also because the way my brain is wired to just go in the dustiest nooks and corners of a community and thrive and live there. i AM the bug you see when you lift up the rock . hai . i'll do anything for these poor poor characters being tossed around like hot potato with people who dont bother understanding thing or even try to pick them up at all. also im getting such a kick every time someone tells me i got them into appreciating the attendant or even iznmi more OR in a different way. thats why im here bros . me when i do my JOB !!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

the way fandom handles shipping has always irked me because theres just SO much you can do with two characters than just make them hold hands. what if there was blood invovled, you know . /starts pacing around the room / you know im glad you know the know it's so cool you know /shaking you/ im glad i have a post that's affected you so much like i thought it was just a silly caption at the time and seeing it after 2 or 3 years is like "YEAHH i cooked this " and im glad you brought it to me hehehe

i hope this gas station brings you joy and you keep coming back for more etc etc and please know i really am happy to see you around in whatever branch you show up at 🫡🫡🫡 /explordes

[jasongracestan12]

Ok, at the request of @gilbertscarrot, I will expand upon my take that Jason Grace is Olivia Rodrigo coded. I literally created this account just to say that 💀 (and because it was a long time coming). I’ve had “GUTS” on repeat and just keep thinking of him, so this is my reasoning. These are based like half in canon and half head canon, so it’s really all up to my interpretation. Feel completely free to disagree with me on anything. Spoiler warnings for ToA and HoO.

So first of all; “All American Bitch.” This one is pretty self explanatory. Olivia herself stated that this song is about attempting to live up to an impossible expectation and dealing with a lot of repressed emotions. Olivia is also a woman, so this is a more nuanced issue for her, but on a surface level, I do feel like it’s very reminiscent of the image Jason feels he has to portray and repressed resentment he feels as a result, which he refers to in BoO.

As for most of the ballads, while they’re mostly about romantic relationships, I can’t help, but feel they could refer to other people who are important to him in his life letting him down. For example, I feel as though “Vampire” could be about Zeus/Jupiter, and the way that Jason was essentially exploited for his benefit-making him look good-by being forced into roles he didn’t want, etc. While “The grudge” could be about his mother and how her abandonment of him has troubled his self-worth/self-image, as well as referencing feelings of betrayal that we know Jason carries. In addition to these, I feel as though, “making the bed” could be about that time in between HoO and ToA that seemed to have taken a really hard toll on Jason especially the part about pushing “away the people who know me the best,” as we know he sort of did to Piper after they split ways.

This is sort of funny, but for “ballad of a homeschool girl,” I just thought about the fact that Jason was literally raised by wolves, and has literally never been in an majority-mortal environment his entire life up until he attends the all boy school in ToA, so I imagine it must have been hard for him to socially adapt to that environment.

For “love is embarrassing,” I feel it could be just in general about the romantic drama he has gone through with Piper, Reyna, etc. And for “teenage dream” I feel like it could just be another song about the incredibly high expectations he had to live up to and feared falling short of but with more disillusionment than before.

As for a few of the other songs, I’m not completely sure how I would fit those into his story, but if you have any ideas, let me know!

Overall, I just enjoyed this album and obviously Jason as a character, and really like the idea of someone like him, who is so haunted by pressure and perfectionism just letting go and like…screaming idk lmao.

[nerdyfan1]

Why I love Tie Dye Blossoms

Found it so funny how I’ve here for and I never explained my Gumball otp. Especially considering it’s such a niche one too and like never see it anywhere besides one dude on TikTok :,)

I’ve been way too ship negative lately so fuck it talking about a ship I actually like.

To start out I feel like it important to establish both of these characters and their personal issues cus it the basis of how this came to me.

Tobias

Ok first of all I think we can all admit Tobias kind of a mess right? Like his life sounds really complicated and he doesn’t have the best support group. With very few exceptions the other kids to hate him or not really make an attempt to talk on a level he can understand. Meanwhile he lives in a home with a very neglectful family.

His mom encourages really bad behavior in him, his dad and mom seem to be in an unloving marriage where his dad will when given the opportunity will ditch her (can’t imagine Harold treating Tobias any better), he grew attention seeking from constant neglect from them both and his sister is basically a non presence.

Not to mention The Point as an episode is kind of telling. The most obvious being how many of these chore Darwin and Gumball were doing. Keep in mind these chores were given to Tobias by his parents he just telling the brothers to do it so he continue play the computer game.

He’s also very sensitive and masking really hard. Like really hard. To the it’s pretty obvious. The mask has dropped a little and we have seen that emotional before in the show. The best example from the series I think is season 3’s The Move. Sure it’s a joke but, also it’s good to notice how quick he was to start crying over something that normally seems so minuscule. Tobias even tries to change the subject after realizing he’s so clearly crying then runs away afterwards.

This especially is very important to acknowledge. Tobias lacks confidence and is very sensitive however is hiding it all from other ppl. Idk exactly what is causing him to do that but, making an estimated guess it’s probably something he developed from living with dad for so long. His dad is very sexist and probably the type to shame Tobias for his emotional and sensitive side. Tobias may not agree with his dad but, Tobias probably got this one ideal shoved down his throat by Harold.

Something that is easier to believe when you take into account the other kids weren’t already that nice to Tobias. He probably felt pressured into hiding his true self for a long time.

Long spiel I know but, important to establish all the personal issues Tobias as a character has.

Leslie

Ok now let’s establish Leslie’s character. Which seems funny cause on surface level they seem pretty well put together. Honestly I will one day make an entire post about Leslie on his own cus I feel like there so much to talk about her. However for the sake of this post I just gonna talk about one specific thing I find important. The self image issues.

Going back to The Petals I realized Leslie seems to put a lot of his self worth into how other ppl see him and how pretty he is. There so many lines in it before the brothers try to go through the gardening book where he mops about this. He’s technically handling it better but, that’s because he’s hiding his own insecurities from himself. Not willing to address literally any of them.

As soon as he starts looking ugly he goes to the dressing room and cries about it. Apparently for weeks.

So Leslie needs a guy who likes him for who he is past the looks because he saw something in him past it all to help him.

Ok now let’s talk about them together

This is such an easy ship to set this up well to. Tobias finally tries to start asking guys out. Mostly cus he started getting desperate. Look there only so long Tobias can keep going for the same girls in his class. After a while he was gonna realize those kids don’t like him in that way. He goes for a few different guys and gets shut down. Eventually Tobias’ starts getting so desperate that he goes for the guy he’d never had a chance with in his eyes. He starts to flirt with Leslie.

Cus of Leslie’s naturally curious and sassy personality he’s the first person to flirt back. And finally starting to feel validated. They slowly grow close after this doing this little routine together. They then start actually dating Tobias actually likes him. Tobias finally was given a chance. Leslie found someone who likes him past his appearance.

Now Leslie has someone who starts to show him to value his thoughts. Tobias sees how happier Leslie is just being himself even if not everyone likes that. And he can finally put an environment where his mask can actually drop all together. They benefit from each other mutually.

Idk I like this idea so much I think they contrast enough to work dynamically yet sharing similar personal struggles to draw each other together. As a bonus they got a little jock x cheerleader thing going one there.

[despairs-memorial]

Otp, Notp, and one night stand with for Sonia, Gundham, Mondo, and Sayaka

I'm going to be shooting some bit of canon in the foot with this, but who give a shit.

Gundham

OTP: Sondam is my beloved. It's a straight ship, sure, but autism^2 is such a good premise for a ship. Like, even without that being a key selling feature, they both care about animals so much, and they're both so alienated from people around them that they're perfect together in my mind. With that said though, Gundham and Hajime, very specifically @/dead-or-lie's Hajime, are quickly becoming a close second for me when they were already a strong second, lol. The polycule we're working on is my OT4, and I'm excited to develop it more.

NoTP: Him and Nekomaru. I'm sorry, but I don't like killer x victim ships, or rather I don't like most of them, but specifically Nekomaru, I don't think they even like each other. I think they respect each other, though. Idk, I think their platonic dynamic is WAY more interesting than their romantic ship is.

One night stand: Kazuichi. I do ship them because Soudam is just a different flavor of Ishimondo in my eyes, but ya know, I don't have as much attachment to this ship yet, sorry.

Mondo

OTP: I think it's well known how much of an Ishimondo fan I am, lol. Before I orphaned that Ao3 account I had 35 fics that were almost solely Ishimondo fics with very few exceptions. They are the OTP for me, and I adore them immensely. A close second though is Owamiki, and that's because their dynamic is just the cutest to me.

NoTP: Naemondo. I don't violently oppose it like I do Naeishi, but I'm still angry that Makoto called Mondo cold hearted for what he did but let Togami and Celeste off without a comment like that. Idk, I just think Naegi only goes for girls and twinks. He's too weak to handle a hunk.

One night stand: Junko? Oowashima is a ship that I love platonically as a counterpart to my aesthetic Ishikuro ship, but idk, I guess a quick one thing would be all right between them.

Sayaka

OTP: I don't really have one OTP for her, but I do have a lot of people who I adore shipping her with, most of them women. @/dead-or-lie's Mikan with Sayaka, though, is my favorite ship with her, though, followed by @/91cmspoliers' Izuru and @/aikidoheroine's Tenko.

NoTP: Naezono. I'm sorry, but even if I didn't dislike Naegi, I would dislike the ship. To me, it just feels like a ship where one character is never going to fundamentally accept the other is not who they seem to be and only look at it on a surface level which bothers me in a weird way.

One night stand: Uh... Ibuki? I don't really ship them, but I don't not ship them, you know? I just never really thought about it seriously.

Sonia

OTP: See Gundham because other than the switching the Hajime part for Reese's Mikan then it's just the same paragraph.

NoTP: Canon!Sounia is a ship I don't like. Sorry, but canon Kazuichi with Sonia is just really creepy to me, and I don't like the ship. I do like seeing people on here explore it more, but in canon, absolutely not.

One night stand: Is it wrong to say either Korekiyo or Syo? Idk, I think those are the types that she would go after, and the fact that Korekiyo and Sonia both canonically have fucked just makes it a little funny in my eyes.

[sniffanimal]

Thinking about demand avoidance/pda, and about how I think nobody studying it/writing about it seems to Get it. I understand it's a newly labeled thing and isn't widely studied yet but it feels like every paper on it is like "we asked them to do something and they won't do it. Probably because their brain said no" which like, is kinda what it feels like but at least to me not even scratching the surface of the feeling.

When I experience demand avoidance, it feels like there's 4D chess going on in my brain. I have an internal monologue that usually doesn't shut up but this is unusually quiet, more conceptual and emotional. It feels like, say, I'm asked to do a single step, A->Z, should be easy, right? But for some reason it feels like it's A->B->C->D....X->Y->Z now. And I'm suddenly very overwhelmed at how many steps there are, despite the fact that those steps aren't real. If you asked me to (this is oversimplifying it) throw a bottle in the trash for you, it suddenly feels like I need a phD to do that. If you asked me what the steps are I could probably just tell you "throw it away" and that probably would snap me out of it, but in my head I'm going "idk if I know enough about throwing things away to do this they must be out of their damned mind if they think I can do this"

I have access to a lot more language to describe my feelings than probably most of their subjects in the research, so maybe that's why I feel it's not descriptive enough about the sudden, violent overwhelm that happens.

Sidenote, only TODAY I've been seeing posts describing "internal demand avoidance" which is my biggest struggle and is something I hadn't seen described anywhere. Most demand avoidance talks about when tasks are given to a person externally, but my main issue is when I tell myself I need to do something.

For me, at my processing and ability levels, the best remedy for PDA is for me to break the task down into its actual real steps and try and just do the first step. By then I've realized it's not a million steps of rocket science to pick up clothes on the floor, but until I start I literally won't realize that. Accountability partners and task analysis based to-do lists work really well for me.

If you're still here and still reading this I recommend The Anti-Planner by Dani Donovan (iirc, mines on the shelf out of arms reach and idk how to do an appendectomy so I can't go get it). Its dozens of activities and practice things and solutions for when you're unable to do The Thing. Its sorted by whatever the root cause of your issue is (overwhelm, time management, etc) and is super helpful! I only really use like 2-3 of the things in the book but those few work really well for me. Check it out if you get a chance

[midnight-train-of-thought]

My thoughts ranked on where I store them:

Level 1:

Audience = strangers/teachers/untrustworthy relatives/classmates

Content: surface level thoughts, not too controversial, not at *all* vulnerable, jokes that are guaranteed to make people laugh or smile/not very original ones, barely any original thoughts, people pleaser powers activate!, usually stay on topic/don’t say anything unless I need to

Level 2:

Audience = Instagram followers, close family members, friends (but not *best* friends)

Content: My real thoughts and opinions (tho heavily edited and vetted so as not to reveal my REAL real thoughts and opinions), silly/adhd/maybe insane side of me occasionally is let out of her cage (but only on special occasions), try to act like a normal person, speak about issues that are important, these people only see what I want them to see

Level 3:

Audience: Close friends (that I contact/see a few times a week), roommate(s), possibly sibling (depending on how much of a jerk they’re being in that instant)

Content: true feelings on outside issues, controversial? Sure, ik these people will agree with 90% of what I say, but nothing that they could use to blackmail me, occasionally I’ll throw them a personal fact and analyze how they react and what they do with the info, we joke together w/o worrying (too much) about what they think of me, I will occasionally care about my appearance around them, but it’s not the end of the world when they see me looking horrible

Level 2:

Audience: Bestest friends in the world, sometimes tumblr

Content: My truest feelings on things, how I am feeling, very vulnerable, my worries and anxieties, small things that give me joy, love life & crushes, people I came out to first, I would trust them with anything, I would kill for them, confess traumas, tell them about sensitive family issues, about friends’ problems/drama, about issues with other friends, medical things

Level 1:

Audience: My one best friend in the entire universe that I’ve known since 2nd grade and knows everything about me and I know everything about them and our hopes, dreams, values, dream wedding, etc.

Content: Everything. Literally every thought I have. Unless it’s super inappropriate or weird or scary. To spare her. My dreams, deepest worries, crushes, what I am feeling at all times, the bug that’s flying around that I named, horrible dinner I cooked, drama of the day’s class, annoyances about other people, people that are hot, elementary school nostalgia, gossip, validation for anger and laziness, she decides all my decisions when I’m unsure, if she isn’t aware of it it is not worthy of her thoughts

Level -1:

Audience: tumblr.

Content: My deepest sadnesses that I don’t want my friends to know about bc they’d worry and it’s embarrassing. But maybe it’ll help someone else out there. It certainly helps to write it down and occasionally get a comment. Would not be doing this if it were not anonymous. If any I know irl found my account I would delete everything on it and block them just to be safe.

Level -2: My diary. My physical, locked diary.

Audience: Future me. Maybe future grandchildren or something that find it in the attic in 80 years.

Content: My absolute cringiest, most embarrassing thoughts. Generally about love, crushes, & romantic dreams. Gay stuff before I came out. Also traumatic stories about my friends that they told me in confidence but I needed to write down to process/remember. And passwords. If anyone that was mentioned in it ever found it I’d probably throw it in a lake or a fireplace. Or eat the pages.

Level -3: My brain.

Audience: Me. Unfortunately.

Content: … Wouldn’t you like to know.

Generally stuff that’s too scary/weird/insanely embarrassing to risk having traced back to me in any way whatsoever. Sometimes thoughts that would never be something I would willingly think/say aloud bc they’re rude/mean/would make people I love feel bad. Or like, would not be socially acceptable. Idk how those get in there. That’s why I throw them out immediately.

[thecitythatdoesntsleep]

Imo (because personally I feel this -> way) that's because it's really scary. Like not with gifs, but whump writing/prompts/etc that you write yourself getting to "normal" (🙄 lol) parts of Tumblr. Especially if they involve extra sensitive topics. It's very scary to put it out for one specific community and know that one reblog from the wrong blog that branches out to hundreds of others could make you have to delete the post/possibly your whole blog because you have 50 anons screaming at you that you're a criminal and telling you to kill yourself in horrible graphic ways all because you write whump, and even when you turn off anon a lot of them just make sockpuppet accounts to do it more. Once you're on those people's radars they don't let it go, I follow someone stalked years later :( And people shouldn't have to be worried about having anon on, because it's nice when shy people can still talk to you. Idk about other reasons and that might not be what you were referencing but that's definitely one reason :(

-Long post, ranting from the mayor-

First of all, I just want to say that I'm extremely sorry that you've experienced these things, even second hand and I wish that the blogger you follow, didn't have to either. I don't think it's right or fair that people take things to such extremes and perpetuate such visceral hatred when it should never escalate that much.

So, my sincerest apologies because that's atrocious.

I'm aware that it gets too serious extremes but I guess it was more generalized; in those cases, I completely understand why people would like to keep to their side of the internet. In such extremes I understand.

I guess what I was referring to was the fact on some reblogs, through the years I've seen fear and shaming of reblogging content that is harmless. I've seen people directly close out other groups because of what they enjoy or go back and put something nasty like: 'No kpop fan reblogs' or 'no weeb interactions/reblogs' and I guess what I mean is, even if you don't like what someone is into.

There's absolutely no need to be cruel and unappreciative that someone on a completely different end of the universe, liked something you liked. I have k-pop followers, I have anime followers, and I have likes and reblogs from all kinds of fandoms and niches. Especially now that tags are on the activity page, it makes it even more obvious and direct when tags are made.

And I personally, love it.

I would never want to isolate someone and say, oh because you like this thing, I don't want you liking or enjoying my content or following me to keep up with it. Stay away, don't come close because you like this thing and I like that thing.

I want this blog to be a safe space for everyone to just chill with some vampires and bask in some drama. Something fantasy, something to help draw them from their worries and problems. I write about violence and dark tropes the same way horror authors do. The same way thriller novels do, so I refuse to feel shame about it when so much culture is soaked in the same thing.

I'm just saying hey, for that story you were writing; try this scene on and see if it gives the kick you want. Even if it's not whump, if someone likes it and it helps them unstick something, even just the fundamental basics of a scene; I'm so ridiculously happy.

While I understand people have certain issues and that severity of hatred and such can come from all edges; like you said it only takes one blog to hurt someone... I won't speak on those matters as those are unique and I feel each person needs to do what they can to protect themselves.

But on a very shallow, very surface-level; I don't understand why some people get angry and write tags or posts that demand no interaction from xyz fans/fandoms/exct. On a much deeper level, I understand the psychology behind it, don't worry. My heart, however, doesn't understand why people do it in the first place. :( Just let people have fun.

I used to run a semi-popular anime blog and sure enough, I've had all of those things you've mentioned happen to me aside from intensive stalking. Because of liking a certain ship, I would get threats, hatred, and things that would be personal attacks from posts I've made prior.

I'd get messages not to reblog posts that weren't related to anime but I liked and wanted to share with my few thousand followers. Even things that were anime-related but in a different fandom than I was.

Even now, I've had a few reblogs from different fandoms, apologizing if they 'weren't supposed to reblog it' or if 'op doesn't mind if I reblog'. I put this content in a public space with the knowledge people of all kinds can find it, even if I specifically dabble in whump, whump is everywhere. And while I understand some may argue that whump is 'weird' in comparison to other things; I'll heavily argue that.

Everything just about that anyone likes has a form of whump in it. Anime has violence, heavy topics, gore, and plenty of emotional suffering. Anything with real people in it has usually, emotional suffering if not physical. Even fans that write for musical artists or authors or celebrities; they're usually dabbling in something whumpy. Unless it's smut which depending on how they make the relationship, can still be whumpy if someone is not being treated well in the fiction.

But I hear you and I'm sorry if my prior post offended anyone, as it's not deep or aimed at anyone specifically; just an observation of mine that I wanted to mumble into the void. (I will probably delete this post and the prior one, and reform it into something a little softer as I don't want anyone to feel any kind of way about it.)

I have no issue if people need to keep safe and do what is best for them but we're not in cults or sects that have to be segregated; at least I'm not and I won't be treating anyone that way.

I apologize that the internet has made people so volatile and unable to feel safe. That's honestly not fair and the people that do that, shouldn't have accounts. To take something so fun, so light-hearted and turn it into violent death threats and hatred, I'll never understand it.

It was also a general lament about the fact that I enjoy seeing blogs that aren't whump blogs, get down to a post I made. I love seeing people relate to my content, even if they aren't intimate with the whump community. Again, I assure I meant no harm or would ever think someone is wrong for wanting to keep to themselves. For whatever reasons, even if it's just anonymity.

I just really enjoy sharing, I guess and it's pretty heartbreaking to hear that people can't enjoy everything, all at once without being victims of the mean and hurtful.

Seriously guys, just love creation, if you can't love the people creating. Be good to each other, know that your words can hold more power than we'll ever know, and use them to uplift our fellow bloggers.

I might be a whump blog but there's nothing I hate more than real-life cruelty and people getting torn down for what they love. If they aren't hurting themselves, animals, or others; leave them alone if you can't say anything nice.

Just to anyone, not you anon, just... To anyone thinking about robbing someone's tiniest ounce of joy, from a life you'll never know they're having to live.

These are just thoughts, from a lover of life and a creator at heart.

Take care of yourselves and do what makes you happy, for however long you can grasp it.

-xoxo

[jasontoddiefor]

I don't know who to share my thoughts with so now you get them: I think that more anakin time travel fics should explore vaders whole medical trauma body horror thing. Dude is on life support for half of his life and suddenly he has hair again. The medic clones should figure out that somethings up pretty quickly. Actually, imagine having to deal with hair after 23 years of being bald. He probably isn't used to eating anymore. There's so much to think about.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR THOUGHTS THEY ARE WONDERFUL. Yes, yes, yes, there is so much horror to consider. TW for Vader’s lack of health and the psychological effects it has

Say, Anakin wakes up again in the middle of the Clone Wars, before Ahsoka leaves and everything goes to hell. One moment, he’s dying in his son’s arms, the next he’s in the middle of a battlefield. Completely disorientated. The campaign is already half won and it’s just clean up. And Anakin, like any man with too much trauma, has a panic attack and hyperventilate. He knocks away a dozen clones in his panic, aimlessly (broken bones, but thankfully no dead), then he faints

Let’s start with the breathing. Vader hasn’t breathed by himself really for decades. Only in emergencies when his suit failed or he turned it off himself did he actually have to do it and I bet that during those times he had to be conscious of every breath. This young, healthy body, remembers how to breathe automatically still. Anakin’s mind however? I could see him freaking out and being unable to handle it. When they bring him to the medbay, they get him hooked on a breathing machine because Anakin can’t function when he has to focus on that. Also, his voice must sound strange in his own ears. He can sing now, he doesn’t have to pause for his own breaths. His intonation must be all over the place.

Talking healthy body: His clone-wars mech arm was canonically his best artificial limb. He’s shorter than he is as Vader. He still has all most of his limbs. He tries to take his first steps and falls to the ground because he hasn’t walked like this in over twenty years. He feels like a newborn, stumbling around. Probably also underestimates how strong his legs and remaining arm is. Vader could like. Punch through steel. You know Obi-Wan trying to kick Grievous? That’s him now. Constantly. He also weighs a lot less now. He’s free of that 100 pound armor! Once he starts training again, his speed and flexibility probably improve immensely because that’s not holding him back anymore. On the other hand, he probably does put on more armor than before because he was used to treating his body as expansible. It’s not anymore.

Also talking healthy body, his mind is probably really out of place. Like, he has the brain of an early-20-something, but the mind of a traumatized adult. His brain hasn’t even finished developing it and what I’m saying is: He probably feels like he’s high on spice, all happy and carefree because his mind is used to function on much lower levels.

Regular movements don’t hurt him! His pain tolerance is through the roof and it’s honestly shocking. He could be bleeding out and probably wouldn't register it for a while. He’s supposed to do regular check-ups now to ensure he isn’t actually dying and just not aware of it because it’s only minor pain.

In general, Anakin probably feels like his body is heaven and curse at the same time. Because on one hand, it’s such a relief, on the other, he probably feels dysphoric because Vader did see himself as a weapon. A tool. A one-man army. And now he suddenly has to take care of himself and his body just. Messes with him?

Moving on to habits! First of all: He can touch people again. I like to HC that Anakin was a very tactile person. This is dialed up to 11 now. He’s constantly running his flesh fingers over something. If there’s somebody he cares about near him, guess what, you’re getting hugged now. He doesn’t even notice he’s reaching out until Ahsoka is like “Master, please, can you let go of me I’m trying to eat”. He can feel warmth and cold, rough and smooth surfaces. Probably, when also not in armor, he might indulge in super soft clothes. the stuff that's feather-light on your skin.

Food: That’s difficult as well. Vader didn’t eat and Anakin now probably develops an eating disorder where he either overgorges until he gets sick and vomits or forgets to eat for days at a time until his blood sugar is so low he faints.

Sleeping: Obi-Wan has never seen Anakin meditate this much. Or so well. Or drop into so many healing trances so he can avoid sleeping. Anakin hasn’t properly slept in ages. He can’t fall asleep, he doesn’t know how to and he's terrified when he does. He has nightmares- no, night terrors really frequently. When he goes under, he barely gets any REM sleep.

Hair: Probably also one of those “100% or 0%” actions. Either he actually does take care of it, take care of it well too, or he just forgets and it's a rats’ nest until Ahsoka, a clone, Padmé or Obi-Wan - whoever is in reach really, sits him down and brushes and idk braids it. He’s probably half annoyed by its length and half going “I’m never cutting this again” so guess everybody is getting proficient in braiding now

So bottom line is, if Anakin actually did time travel, he probably wouldn’t be able to hide it because simply breathing on his own already unsettles him and that’s not even accounting for all of Vader’s health issues.

[btsandvmin]

Ask: Reply - 2021.03.25

Time to go through some of your asks! I am glad you seemed to like the new format and I’ll keep it up for now. (If you have any suggestions for improvement feel free to comment.) I got a lot this time and with pretty varying topics, so it took a while for me to write this even if it still seems pretty sloppy. I also got two asks I just answer briefly but didn’t want to include due to the topics. Anyways, let’s get to it. :)

Topics:

Ask 1 - Anon share about shipping Ji/hope and becoming a Vminie Ask 2 - Reasons to ship Vmin and no leaks of a relationship (+ rumors ask) Ask 3 - Stress over my analysis “making people delusional” Ask 4 - Tae/kook and Ji/kook being big ships (+t/k shippers ask) Ask 5 - Not enjoying a bond because of it’s shippers Ask 6 - Vmin videocall while getting make-up. Ask 7 - Vmin shaking hands Ask 8 - Wheesa from Mamamoo Ask 9 - Any wholesome fic recs?

(I got a few more left, but the post was getting long, so I’ll save them for next time. I promise I’ll answer them in my next ask post.)

Ask 1 - Anon share about shipping Ji/hope and becoming a Vminie

Hi and thank you for sharing your story, I always find it interesting to read how people found their way to Vmin and in particular if they shipped something else first. Don’t worry about it being long, it was a fun read. :)

I see what you mean with there being “something about Jimin” and I actually think he is so shippable with all BTS members. He truly works so well and is so sweet and cute with all of them. I also think Ji/hope (as many hyung x maknae line ships) is a very underrated ship. And they used to be very big on the fanservice on stage in the early years too so they definitely have some “questionable moments” in that sense as well. 

I think the way Jimin express his love for all his members is amazing and has probably lead to all of them expressing their love a lot more opnely. Think of how Jimin started their tradition of giving gifts for their birthdays for example. Honestly, all BTS ships are good ships but I really think Jimin’s way of being so openly affectionate just makes all his ships very soft and full of love. But yes, more love to Ji/hope please, because they have a lot of great moments. 

It’s interesting how you say you were affected by the platonic label Vmin has. I really think it’s very strong and works very well on a majority of the fandom and on most people that don’t dig a bit deeper and question what Vmin have actually done. That being said, a lot of the surface level things for all ships are great, and I do think you really have to deep dive into a ship to get the more actually questionable moments a lot of the time. And I think with Vmin this hasn’t been done so much, so people might be surprised when they actually do look closer.

I also like how the lipstick moment and the kissing the doll moments made you end up questioning Vmin. For me who has looked at Vmin for so long these were just more examples of things I had already seen, but I am sure many newer fans (just like you did) would react and look twice at these moments. I’ll tell you though, these moments are just barely scratching the surface of questionable things that Vmin have done.

I am glad you like my blog and think the things I say makes sense, though I do want to be clear and say it’s just me guessing and making theories. I am glad they make sense, but I could still be wrong. :P Thank you again for sharing your own story, and I hope you will keep on enjoying Vmin and my blog. <3

Ask 2 - Reasons to ship Vmin and no leaks of a relationship (rumors)

I mean, I think I have shared my reasons to ship Vmin in pretty much every post I have ever done on this blog. There’s a lot of them after all... But if you haven’t already I would suggest checking out my posts 10 Reasons to ship Vmin and 10 more reasons to ship Vmin. 

I stress the point that Vmin could easily be platonic but simply extremely close all the time as well, so we could definitely be reading too much into things. Of course this goes for all shippers (or rather believers, there is a difference after all). I suspect your question might not be about shipping but rather if Vmin could be real and what reasons I might have to think that is possible. You can check my post Shipping vs Believing if you want to know how I view things very differently when it comes to simply shipping and anything that goes beyond shipping).

As for what makes Vmin stand out as more likely compared to other ships I guess the main things I take into account are: The songs, Vmin being careful (including friendzoning and other members’ reactions to them), their sometimes contradicting behavior (like them being soulmates but seemingly being awkward with some things or not being together as much as we might expect etc.), the way they do some very romantic looking things and have increased those behaviors over time and then just a lot of interesting moments and their close relationship in general. Also, soulmates is not a label to underestimate.

As for leaks I think you have to ask the same question for all idols, and all relationships. I mean, how many leaks of any BTS relationship have we gotten? I don’t think the guys have lived in celibate for their whole careers. Not to mention a lot of idols date secretly, and for LGBT+ idols I am sure they would be even more careful. But at the same time people also would likely be less suspicious unless they do something very obvious. I mean, think of all the things we have seen BTS do openly. I also think we have to remember that if it’s something that the fans doesn’t want to know or believe it also is less likely to get spread. For example that an idol they love would be LGBT+... because heteronormativity and homophobia is not to be taken lightly either. I also think you underestimate how many secrets insiders in all entertainment industries are keeping. I am sure many idols are pretty open with their dating to many, but it doesn’t get spread because there is a risk with being the whistle blower as well. Perhaps in particular with exposing someone’s sexuality which could ruin their whole career... And any person trying to ruin BTS’s reputation at this point might honestly get lynched by all of Korea.

I also know some rumors (not about sexuality) even gets pushed away as spread by antis etc. So sometimes even when rumors leak they get shut down. In the end there are a lot of rumors floating around, many that contradict each other as well, but I don’t think lack of rumors has to mean it is impossible for it to be happening. Again, many in the LGBT+ community aren’t even out to their own family and manages to hide that... We don’t know enough about how two members in a relationship would be or how open they would be to begin with. I suspect in the case of Vmin they would be very careful and only a select few would know. 

There could also be leaks, but they don’t reach the mainstream fandom. Like how I learned about the problems and disbandment talk back in the summer of 2018. Some things definitely do get leaked, but it is also very difficult to know if they are real or not until confirmed.

But I do think if a couple is real and they are pretty open with it, eventually they would either be in an obvious glass closet or there would be rumors or even confirmation. Because if a couple isn’t careful to begin with then they clearly risk exposure and likely wouldn’t mind too much to be outed.

It’s definitely a complicated topic, and a whole world we as fans don’t know enough about to even come to any real conclusions. So don’t worry about not knowing, it’s not like we as outsider can easily know how things work as they are likely even different for each company, group, couple, individual etc.

I also want to adress one ask I got but won’t include, about a particular sasaeng rumor ((part of ask: there was news going around by saesung (idk if I spelled it right sorry)...)). I only have two things to say, because I don’t want to spread any of these rumors or want any of you to look for these things.

1. Rumors are rumors, we have no idea what sources they come from and many times they also contradict each other. Often they can be spread by antis of some kind with an agenda to hurt or worry. It’s better to simply pay them no attention most of the time.

2. If the rumors are ridiculous in nature, as the one you asked about, it’s even better to not spread it further. In this case it would go against the personalities of the members and against their own words. It would mean BTS lied to us straight to our faces about something there is no reason to lie about, and thus doesn’t have any reason to happen to begin with. Be open of course, but also think critically. Don’t worry in vain, just try to ignore stuff like this.

Ask 3 - Stress over my analysis “making people delusional”

Thank you a lot @phantomavenger​, your message really soothes me. This is a dilemma I’ve struggled with a lot over the years actually. If sharing stuff and theories about Vmin might not be good, no matter if I am right or wrong. Because if Vmin are together I am basically working to exposing them against their will and if I am wrong I might be a factor in people believing in something that isn’t real, which might end up hurting them. 

I usually end up thinking that maybe it’s better for things to come from me with a more nuanced take than that someone else finds it and it spreads in a more uncontrolled and delusional way right away. If that makes sense? I know this might sound very conceited, but since I know my words are being spread I at least hope to make people understand the importance of not jumping to conclusions and sounding too sure of anything we don’t really know. Again, a lot of ships have believers, and that says something. We should all be careful both for our own sake and for the privacy of the boys. Normalizing delusional behavior is what usually leads to worse and worse things being done “in the name of the ship” as well and I just don’t want that from Vminies. The trickle down effect of people misunderstanding or twisting my words is also a bit scary.  There are also so many shipper at this point that I think most things I point out will eventually likely be pointed out or noticed by someone else anyway, so...

But you are right, I can’t take responsibility for people taking my things out of context or getting convinced even though I try to tell them not to. In the end I write analysis on Vmin because I don’t think anything I find is enough to actually prove anything (this goes for all ships btw). I’ll share my analysis and with it I will also have many reasons on why shipping real people and “knowing a ship is real” is so much more difficult than many seem to think. 

Here’s a sneak peak in case anyone is interested. 

Don’t worry, I’ll try to edit it and make it more concise. Thank you again for your kind words and reassurance. :)

Ask 4 - Tae/kook and Ji/kook being big ships

Hi, and wecome to the fandom! I hope you will enjoy being an ARMY and keep liking Vmin. :3

I answered recently about big ships (Ask: Reply - 2021.03.18 Ask 3 - What makes a ship big?) and I’ve talked about popularity regarding these certain ships before as well in Why do you think Vmin get so brozoned by the fandom?

First I would like to say that “vibes” to me doesn’t really say much... All shippers clearly have their own perception of the members and their dynamics, otherwise everyone would ship the same thing. That being said I think projecting is part of many shippers’ reasons to ship and definitely think it’s part in why JK ships in general are very popular. Not just within BTS but for straight ships as well.

I don’t think there is ever one simple reason for why someone ships something, and same for why they might think a pair is actually together. Me might all have our own reasons for why we like a certain ship. For me all ships in BTS have good enough chemistry and dynamics to be shipped and I don’t think there is anything weird with those ships being popular. Especially since they’ve basically been popular since the start for their own reasons and then simply kept growing.

In short I think these things might play a big part in why some ships get bigger than others:

1. Projecting and falling for a ship similar to your own preference in a relationship 2. Amount of moments, and type of moments. 3. Type of relationship and the fandom view. Some dynamics will draw people in more even if it’s only percieved dynamics and stereotyping. Sexual tension and complicated drama is more “fun” than “friends to lovers” trope. 4. How popular they are. Big ships will grow bigger faster. More exposure and material by fans might make people find big ships easier. 5. Room for analysis. Honestly, if a ship seems “complicated” it might be more interesting to dig deeper into. So when people see analysis of ji/kook or tae/kook they get interested and might get more involved. Basically if analysis are being made it will make people more invested, and for Vmin it’s not that people can’t analyze them, but rather that not many have. So you won’t find as many fans deep diving and looking harder at Vmin compared to many other ships.

Again, ships might be popular for many different reasons, but I don’t think size of a ship really is that important. Just ship and let others ship what they like as well.

I also want to briefly adress an ask I got but that I won���t post, because I got yet another ask about Tae/kook. I’m sorry I won’t include the ask but I definitely agree with your comment to “Look at V as an individual person, not part of a ship”. This should be obvious and apply for all shippers. 

But I do want to say that I don’t think shipping a particular pair is the problem, it’s how you do it. I personally see no problem with shipping anything as long as it only is shipping, which is a fantasy. I ship Chen x Baekhyun from EXO and Chen is married... I simply enjoy their dynamic as a fantasy. Just like how I enjoy characters in a book or movie I am aware it isn’t real. I mostly see shipping as a problem when you let it affect how you behave towards people with different opinions or if you push it onto the people themselves which is never ok (even if it would be real). Of course there are many examples of shippers taking things too far, but I don’t think the ship in itself is the problem, but again what those shippers might do. So yeah, I condone any shipper who crosses the line and push things onto the members, but I don’t think shipping in itself is bad.

Ask 5 - Not enjoying a bond because of it’s shippers

Hi, and first of all I am sorry you are feeling like this. I think sadly this is quite a common problem, and I am not sure I have any good answers for you. But I’ll try. I do recognize this feeling though I have mostly felt it in other fandoms where shippers of “rival” ships got me so annoyed it was difficult to not just see the shippers’ reactions every time they had a moment. Which made it less fun and sometimes hard to enjoy their moments even though I would have usually. What I did in that case was actually stop engaging in the fandom all together for a while, to take a step back as many of my own fellow shippers’ negativity about the other shippers and their theories affected me as well (btw this was a fictional ship so it’s quite different in many ways).

It’s sad when shipping affect us this much, but it can be hard when we invest so much time and get so much enjoyment out of it. I am not sure how bad you feel, but I think when you feel conflicted (possibly cognitive dissonance) when coming across ji/kook content it might have gone a bit too far (I talk about it a bit in this post) and be too attached to the idea of your own ship. If so you might want to consider taking a step back and engage with the fandom less and just focus on enjoying the actual content we get. If you simply react due to shippers and don’t actually care if ji/kook are happy together (or even would be real) I would simply suggest trying to stay away from those people. Sadly over analyzing the members happens a lot and will likely not stop anytime soon. I know it’s not that easy, but I don’t really have any better advice. Try to find places you can be while feeling happy, or take a break if you have to. Distance and time might help at times and I know many people who take breaks from their fandoms when they get too much for them and they get less enjoyment from being part of the community.

For me I did also have a period when looking at Ji/kook made me a bit annoyed or even sad. It was during a period when I was extra sensitive and wasn’t feeling very good so even small things affected me more than they should. But it had less to do with Ji/kook and more to do with consuming very toxic narratives from Ji/kook shippers that basically included Vmin being fake or played up. The idea of Vmin being fake hurts me much more than any other ship being real. Consuming a lot of quite toxic Ji/kook theories made me think Ji/kook being real would equal Vmin being fake and thus seeing Ji/kook hurt a bit.

What worked for me was realizing that this narrative makes no actual sense and there is no point in me worrying about Vmin being fake. And if they would be I know my reaction would simply be to walk away as I wouldn’t enjoy BTS if they lie about things there is no reason to lie about. This took away the feeling of being insecure, and I can be happy with just knowing Vmin are soulmates, no matter what kind. 

I also stopped looking up analysis of other ships and simply keep in mind that even if other ships are real it doesn’t change the bond between Vmin. I know enough about other ships to see their weird moments and to know I shouldn’t be certain about my own ship. I can also see what other shippers might see in a moment on my own at this point, so I do see how seeing moments might make you just think of what theories it might lead to. For me it was about changing my own mindset about other ships vs Vmin and to simply not consume content that was toxic or made me feel bad. Basically, even if Ji/kook or any other ship would be real it wouldn’t bother me as I know what Vmin has is still incredibly special and genuine.

To me this worked, but every person has their own limits. I would suggest backing off from consuming shipping content and simply look at how much the actual content shows the love between the boys. And also if possible try to get with the idea that even if another ship is real, that isn’t neccessarily bad. I would be happy for any ship if it was real at this point as long as they make each other happy, and I don’t feel threatened by other ships because of it.

As for shippers being bad or toxic, sadly with size and confidence it seems to happen a lot. I simply don’t bother with antis or over analyzing shippers of any kind that put very negative narratives on the boys. I know there will always be some bad ones in all bigger fandoms, so I try to not let it affect me too much. In fact I feel more hurt when my own ship communities engage in toxic behavior as that is harder to ignore and walk away from.

Thank you for sharing your struggles and I hope I could help maybe even a little. I know it’s not easy and as you say the guilt is also hard to deal with. I know I might have strayed away from your actual issue, but it’s a very difficult topic for me too. But at least your worry shows you truly do care for the members and don’t want to see them in a negative light. Just try to do what you need to do to feel better, even if it might be hard to do. Also thank you so much for liking my blog. <3

Ask 6 - Vmin videocall while getting make-up.

I am going to be frank here, this is a moment where fans most likely saw incorrectly and then some still spread it as a Vmin moment. I know people debated about it when it happened and I am sure people still have different opinions on it. But for me since it seems pretty clear the screen corresponds with how Tae moves the phone and takes a picture of himself. I think it was on selfie mode, not that it was a video call. This image I found might be edited because it look very much like Jimin, but it could also be accidental that this screenshot really really looked like him. I know it really looks like Jimin and the paleness of the screen makes it difficult to know... But if you watch the video in it’s original size and quality you see it’s Tae pretty clearly.

The video is  [BANGTAN BOMB] Jin's Sunglasses Collection in Hong Kong - BTS (���탄소년단). You can watch it around 2.10. Sorry for bursting the bubble. But hey, at least we know Vmin actually do facetime each other despite how much they see each other. :)

Ask 7 - Vmin and shaking hands

Vmin really are extra with the shaking (and holding/touching) hands, aren’t they? To be fair I think they do this quite a lot with other members as well, but it’s still definitely a Vmin thing. ;)

As for Brooklyn 99 I have watched clips, but not the full show, so I know who Holt and Kevin are... But I didn’t know they did that. That’s really sweet. Though obviously it sucks they can’t just be like any other couple and would have to make hand shaking their public display of affection (though I suppose it could just be their personalities as well? Like I said I don’t know the show too well.)

Funny but I actually wrote a little drabble Vmin part of something similar at one point... Though it wasn’t about shaking hands but instead fist bumps, as Vmin was doing that a lot at that time. I just find the idea of Vmin making anything normal into something cute and intimate, like an inside joke, very endearing. Thank you for sharing. :)

Ask 8 - Wheesa from Mamamoo

Thank you for sharing this cute moment. :) I really do like Mamamoo and from the few moments I have seen with them they seem really sweet with each other. Also I love Twit, it’s such a bop! 

Wouldn’t it be amazing if Vmin followed suit and Jimin appears in Tae’s MV for KTH1? :3

Ask 9 - Any wholesome fic recs?

Hi and thank you for your kind words. :3 English isn’t my native language and I struggle with being articulate sometimes, so your comment makes me really happy. :)

As for fics I am sorry, I have two big fic recs and I feel most of my favorites are included in those. (Huge Vmin fic rec and Vmin fic rec - Canon compliant) I know they don’t have any indications of rating etc. but for now looking through these lists to check if they fit what you like is what I have. If anyone has any particularly wholesome BTS fics to rec feel free to add them in the replies. :) Thank you and sorry for not coming with any actual recs in this reply. 

And that will conclude this post as it was starting to get a little long. :) I do have some asks left, and I’ll try to answer them as soon as I can with my next post. Thank you all for your interesting questions and shared stories. I hope you found this post enjoyable, or at least worth a read, as it included some pretty heavy topics.

[mycptsdrecovery]

TW for abuse, mental health crisis, unreality, mental hospital mention

hi im a 19 year old and still living with my parents. ive been trying to move out since august and i planned to move out by december. in late december i was not having much luck with housing and i started having memories of not so great things my parents did to me throughout the years play in my head. i rly have no idea how to explain this confusing clusterfuck of a situation in just a tumblr ask but basically i want to know if the things my parents did count as sexual abuse.

from a young age my parents didnt respect my boundaries. my parents often touched my butt (it sounds so stupid calling it that idk what else to put) in seemingly nonsexual or accidental ways, but they didnt stop as i grew older. i remember the first time that i realised i was being sexually abused (thats how i thought about it at the time, idk). i dont remember what my dad did specifically but i was 8 years old-ish, i started puberty around then because my body hates me. it was probably to do with my butt/waist/ things and my dad touching them. we were about to go in a shuttle to the airport, it was like 2am. i remember i stayed silent through whatever happened but at some point during or after i remember bursting into tears and like... thinking to myself that my dad is sexually abusing me (i dont remember where i learnt what that is) and my dad asking me what was wrong but i refused to talk because i was scared. moments like these where my dad touched me in a way that didnt feel normal and i burst into tears happened multiple times. ive felt very uncomfortable around my dad for most of my life at this point. hes the kind of dad who doesnt talk about anything hes thinking or feeling, doesnt talk much at all or have many friends. we have rarely had conversations past surface level talk thats appropriate for strangers or acquaintances so i have never known whats in his head and whenever ive tried to get him to talk with me about something serious he shuts down and leaves. hes very neglectful emotionally, though he used to sometimes fulfil his emotional duties as a parent when i was a very young child according to my mum but he stopped at some point. for a really long time ive been afraid that my dad was sexualising me in his head or sexually attracted to me. ive grown up having nightmares about my parents raping me.

here are some of the things i remember my parents doing. some memories are not easily accessable and some have not been processed as an adult.

TW

-both my parent regularly touched my butt in a variety of contexts. i never confronted my dad about it because i knew he wouldnt answer me. i have learned to only hug my parents in a specific way so that my arm is always under their arms so i can stop them from putting their hands too low.

-my dad used to put his hand on my waist and hips/lower back. he was basically doing the kind of casual touch that you would do with someone ur in a sexual relationship with. he doesnt anymore because i have stopped allowing him to spend much time with me.

-my parents, mostly my mum have touched my breasts very lightly and casually. it could be seen as accidental but my mum has never responded to my frequent requests to stop touching me like this.

-my mum showed me her vagina once as... sex ed? i have no idea if this is normal which is kinda how i feel about most of the ?sexually? themed things my parents have done.

-my mum has always commented on my body in ways that made me very uncomfortable, such as often commenting on how i would be sexually harassed because of the outfit im wearing, even the necklace im wearing.

-my mum gave me several moderately detailed accounts of sexual assaults that hve happened to her, like for instance when i was around 6-9? she used a story of a sexual assault that happened to her while in a pool to say that i be afraid in public pools. the amount of detail was very unnecessary.

-one time my mum was telling me about how boys pinch girls buttcheeks to tell them they think theyre 'sexy'. then she pinched my buttcheeks a bunch of times even though i didnt want her to. im sure she did this many times and i was literally like 5 years old or something.

-my mum talked to my sister while i was in earshot about... how she would be ok with it if i married my 1st cousin? and she named him specifically. it made me feel rly weird around him.

-again my dad has always just given me huge predator vibes and ive always been super afraid of him.

this list is definitely incomplete but i dont remember anything penetrative or to do with anyone touching my genitals.

i tried to tell someone about the "sexual abuse" twice when i was 13, both during mental ward stays about 9 or 10 months apart. the first time is completely blacked out from my memory and the second one... they told the police. my dad was questioned and nothing happened because i never wanted anyone except the nurse who i told to know and refused to tell anyone any details. i just wanted to get a weight off my shoulders. instead i got a 3 or so year long period of my mum emotionally abusing me to a degree she never had. i was almost completely convinced that i had never been sexually abused. i still dont know if its true or not. the specific term my mum used was that i "mis-interpreted" my parents actions as sexual abuse. i didnt push back, i was too terrified of her and i just dissociated to cope with those years. i was very very isolated from anyone except my mum. i wanted desperately to be a young child again and felt like one most of the time. before 6 years old was the only period where i felt like my parents actually liked me.

when i was around 15 i started sexually getting involved with older men online. i wasnt attracted to them, i didntdesire them, i just was so traumatised from... whatevrr u want to call the way my parents treated me but i didnt feel that i had the right to be. i felt like i needed to get some "real" trauma and i dont want to say what i did but im lucky that none of these men ended up meeting up with me irl at least. the fucked up thing is that though it did traumatise me, i kind of felt better because i wanted something i could feel justified in being upset about.

now im 19 and my brain is hitting me with all these memories. i havent felt safe with my parents for most of my life. theyre neglectful and emotionally abusive towards me. they abused all my other siblings physically quite a lot and two of them have moved to different countries so that they can not live in the same place they grew up in. 2 out of 3 of my siblings have completely cut ties with my parents for years now. when i was 11 i recoeved an email from my brother telling me about our parents not being safe people.

ive started to consider the possibility of the constant violation of my boundaries counting as sexual abuse. i have a lot of sexual trauma symptoms and i have for a very long time. i grew up afraid that my dad was going to rape me. i think i was abused by my mum into associating holding my parents accountable with the punishment she put me through after she found out i reported them. i just want to know if im allowed to be upset about this. im terrified that this is normal, because if its normal that means i was a gross freak as a kid who just "mis-interpreted" these actions to be sexual abuse. i need to make sense of my reality somehow. im so confused.

you absolutely have the right to be upset by this. what they did to you was not okay. an adult touching a child intentionally in inappropriate areas is molestation, even if they played it off as not a big deal. many of the things you mentioned also sound like grooming which is often a part of childhood sexual abuse. i’m so sorry these things happened to you. i hope you are safe and can find a way to not be around your parents.

[chyuans]

          hello , hello  !   first of all ,  i’m super excited to be here even if i’m like 10 hrs LATE  ( gmt timezone things )  i’m noe ,  a gay  they / them at the age of 19 ,  and this privileged lil disappointment of a jock boy is gonna be filling the position of kong_01 . despite the rumours ?  yuanjun’s actually not nearly as bad as some of the people he’ll be meeting here >:)  but you’ll get to know more about that below  !  if you’d like to plot just light up that HEART , or add me on disc*rd which i’ll give out in im’s , where i’m infinitely faster .  if i’m not gaming .  no tw’s under the cut  .

* backstory. > many people know of yuanjun, but few people truly know him. he's the famous kong families’ son, heir to the kong legacy, now forward position for south korea men’s national hockey team - which brought forth a ton of international fame from back home and amongst hockey lovers worldwide. while his talent is undeniable, he is long overshadowed by his families’ accomplishments, forever reminded that he’d never be the perfect son they’d hoped for, and no one ever lets him forget it.

> being the child of business tycoons who’s art business seemed to never be on the decline, tended to lend itself to an unconventional, pretty lonely childhood. 

> although jun no longer wants to dabble in the stupid shit he probably did as a teen, and escape from their home in a childish fit of rage and make the lives of the various nannies that tended to him while his parents were off being great hell, he still wonders sometimes whether this profession is what he would’ve wanted if he’d just not wanted to spite his parents. he loves hockey - that fact is undeniable. he thanks the nanny who took him there once out of necessity to stop his whining, and he fell in love with it almost instantly. but he also questions whether he gravitated to it because it was something he could throw himself into wholeheartedly to fill a void.

> he's very open to different types of people, and after being scouted at 19 and having a massive shift both in culture and identity as he then begun to travel worldwide, he’s a tiny bit more wordly now than he was back then. he's much more concerned about who you are underneath than superficial appearances, which means developing relationships are few and far between, because a lot of people do approach him because of his fame/fortune. he's unjudgemental to the point where his friends worry about his naivety and how easily he trusts people, but he's absolutely not dumb, just very well versed on telling good people from the bad.

> jun may even come across as naïve, but he's very aware of that perception is nearly important as reality. he's not extroverted in a way that demands conversation, but he knows how to talk to anyone from any background even if its just to maintain pleasantries. after competing in various competitions and versing players from canada to japan, he's become much more sharp and ambitious, a guy who very rarely lets distractions take their course. perhaps it’s with this that his family loathe his choices all the more, with his appetite, he was born with the skills required to run a business - pity he never took to anything of the creative sort.  

> working in a fast, stressful, highly coveted job such as pro-sports is a full time job and then some; jun doesn't spend much time not working on it. outside of his schedule, he likes bettering his stamina at the gym and eating healthy. he likes being surrounded by authentic people or nobody at all. he’s not one for trying new things and having new experiences due to time management, tending to stick to a schedule.

> he gets a lot of bad press though, which is beginning to weigh a little heavy on him. doubly now the murder has people talking. from being accused of performance-enhancing pills, various personality scandals, to being linked with ‘dating’ (see: ruining the image of) idols and chaebol’s alike. right now, he’s currently battling a lot of unwanted publicity because of a misunderstood interaction online against a wealthy sweetheart that went sour. 

> while jun might be generally unsympathetic and analytical when it comes to developing relationships with people that’ll last long-term, he's a bleeding heart when it comes to kids who may have experienced the same lonely upbringing as he did, without the financial gains. right now he spends sunday’s teaching a bunch of local foster home kids how to skate, and is trying to fund a couple of sports scholarships for those who show promise under a fake name, just generally being a good ‘ole guy.

> his family do not approve of his job, ofc. in fact neither of his parents have ever attended any of his matches to this day, and are only on semi-decent terms with him because jun begrudgingly is still tied by name to the business and shows his face at events for all of 30 minutes until he physically can no longer maintain pleasantries. his celebrity image perhaps is one thing they can manipulate, and even then, jun could get into scandals galore and still be doing his job. good press, bad press, it has the kong’s family name at the forefront of peoples’ minds, which always brings forth revenue.  

> pros: could be a lot worse considering his upbringing, collected, and level-headed most of the time. wicked good at sports, and keeps a cool head in a tough situation. ambitious, curious, a little reckless. eager to prove himself, rich? and very endeared to people/places he finds fascinating. which are many. knows where the good, authentic chinese cuisine is. hardworking and very interested in the idea of Progress.

> cons: the most private person alive, will not divulge any palatable information about himself or his feelings. devil's advocate always. will put himself and others at an arm’s length the second he feels (disgusted noises) e-emotions (love, namely). gets bored easily. paranoid, leads with the head more than the heart. friends > > > family. a little self-involved, never fucking sleeps - will be that neighbour you can hear padding around above your apartment at 3.05 am like it’s mid-day, aaaaand Loves Winning Above All Else

* personality & relationships.

> like many others, jun has his fair share of surface-level friends. he’s quick to be interested in people, to get to know them better, but it's difficult for him to get closer than that after a childhood of being picked up and dropped by those who looked over him - which kinda has left him with abandonment issues.

> he’s a curator of neat things that aren’t too overtly complex, and that includes friendships. so if you have something unusual about you, whether it's a talent or a way of thinking, he would be inclined to get to know you better. also, he has a lot of leverage with his job. being friends with a sports star slash million dollar trust fund baby who can get you free shit never hurts, just don’t befriend him for the perks, yanno?

> jun is very dedicated to his vision of things, and can sometimes be very obstinate in the way he a) wants them to be done b) doesn't accept other options, think steve jobs. he's very mercurial and can be nice one minute but isn't afraid to switch to hardass boss to get things done and did.  > he is insanely competitive and his strive is drawn out by always wanting to be on top. truly first child material. that's the kind of guy he is, with standards that do not reflect his passive side too well, which sometimes can get him into some “personality” scandals. he is driven, motivated, always looking for ways to be winning.

> i'm sure someone is bound to hate him, he’s probably got a few accounts online dedicated to a steady stream of shit-talking, given his cutthroat status or holding many hockey cups.

> jun doesn’t think too much about his sexuality - he'd probably best be labelled as pan, but leans towards those who identify as women? because of his current placement in a workspace, and with a cultural identity, that both don’t often lend themselves to lgbtq+ rights, i doubt he’d ever make that public.

> he works amongst some of the fittest people in the world, he knows how to appreciate beautiful bodies, but he's not about to discriminate. he's tragically a committaphobe and isn't interested in anything long-term right now, although i think it'd be funny if someone tried. he's very open for flings and one-night stands and even a friends with benefits sort of set up. 

* wc’s.  >  bring me his baby bro and sis. i command u. i have many thoughts  >  somebody who maybe gets in on his foster-kid situation? idk maybe they have a perception of jun being what he is in the articles they read of him, but they see him and are like <3_<3 he actually real Nice huh. i see this being romantic but it could bloom a really nice, wholesome friendship too. >  enemies. not gonna lie, he doesn’t vibe with rich kids w / a stick up their ass, especially since a lot of the people he works with aren’t from exorbitant families. people who loathe him for declining to take over his families’ business? like the boy can’t even name more than 3 artists off of the top of his head?   > fwb except neither of them know what “just friends” mean.  > i would love if jun had a confidante. a best friend, a partner in crime, a total bromance 'cause i can never get enough of those. whatever label you ‘wanna put on it. wiping up each other’s messes. maybe a Betrayal in the works  > again, gonna be a wc, but i would love a “rival” of jun's on a similar level (or bigger)  that’s entirely fabricated based off of trashy articles or a misunderstood interaction online. bonus points if they’re an absolute sweetheart, well loved by most people, and generally the antithesis of jun with his multiple drug/personality rumours, which in contrast, make him seem like the bad guy. 

> party buddy. this guy hasn’t touched alcohol/cigarettes/any other stimulants since he was underage and wanted to rebel. the word “relax” does not exist in his vocabulary. Help

[dear-wormwoods]

Someone truly in the reddie tag saying Myra was not abusive and that she wasn’t like Sonia. Even saying Bev and Eddie don’t have similar arcs bc their abusive situations were entirely different and that people just reach to bend arguments in order to prove reddie. Biggest bs I have read in a while ahdhd

I’m assuming you are new to my blog, because uhh, I’m sorry to burst your bubble anon, but I am also someone who doesn’t consider Myra abusive. Idk what post you’re talking about specifically but I’d sure like to know what ‘proving reddie’ has to do with it, lol. But anyway, I have said before that I consider Eddie’s marriage to be toxic, but not abusive. These two people should not be married. And not just because Eddie is gay and doesn’t love her. Beyond that, they are definitely bad for each other. The entire marriage is a conduit for misery and deception. It’s a codependent circus of projection and enabling. It’s unhealthy as hell! But it isn’t abusive. And here’s why I think that: 

Stephen King wasn’t trying to make a point that Sonia and Myra are exactly the same. He was, however, making a point that when people enter into adulthood and adult relationships while carrying a bunch of baggage from trauma they never properly dealt with, the cycle will continue in one way or another (this is why Eddie and Bev are ‘parallel’ characters, not the surface-level abuse interpretation). Eddie suffered from emotional abuse for most of his life; Sonia was very calculating and intentional about it and made sure that she always held sway in Eddie’s life to suit her own needs. The result is that Eddie is a very inexperienced and sheltered adult who believes in all of the lies his mother told him. He tried to move out three times and failed each time. Sonia controlled him until the day she died. It’s all Eddie knows. So in his mid-thirties, alone in the world for the first time, he doesn’t know how to take care of himself and, more importantly, believes he can’t learn. Because of his history of abuse and control, Eddie can’t fathom taking the reins in his own life and instead seeks out someone who will take care of him the way he’s become accustomed to. 

So, Eddie meets Myra and latches onto her because she’s inexperienced and malleable, like him. She physically reminds him of his mother, so it’s easy for him to project onto her all of the abuse Sonia inflicted on him. And because that life was all he knew, it was also what made him feel comfortable, so he nudged Myra into the role he wanted her to fill - a replacement mom. He did this subconsciously at first, but he was able to recognize it before they got married… and then he decided to go through with it anyway. 

Eddie brought a lot of baggage into that relationship, baggage that Myra was most likely completely unaware of. Obviously he’s a repressed gay man, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Eddie doesn’t love Myra, but it’s not just because he’s gay, it’s also because he has created a maternal figure in her and, since he (rightfully) resents his mother, he also resents Myra. She conforms to that caretaker role and enables everything he’s learned from a life with Sonia, and he in turn enables her bad habits too. Enabling is toxic behavior, but it isn’t inherently abusive. 

But then, when he leaves to go back to Derry, it all comes to a head. She freaks out because as far as she knows, he’s very sick, and he’s leaving her without an explanation, this man who she is married to and financially dependent on. She has no idea how to communicate, so she resorts to panicky, emotionally manipulative attempts to get him to talk to her and stay. On the flipside, Eddie has no idea how to communicate with her either, so he withholds information, deflects, and snaps at her in moments of frustration. They both have irrational thoughts about hurting each other and they both do and say things that make the situation worse. They are both VERY bad at communication. Because they’re both grown adults with almost no relationship experience outside of each other and are therefore emotionally stunted. 

That whole chapter reads, to me, like “bad breakups 101″ - one person can’t articulate how they feel so they’re deflecting and coming off as cold, and the other person is so over the top emotional that they end up making no sense and coming off as hysterical. And it’s no wonder! If you make it to your late 30′s without ever having much of a social circle or relationship experience, you’re not going to know how to act in a situation like this. And this applies to both of them. If what Eddie says about her is true, this is probably the first time Myra has ever been left by a partner, and it’s happening suddenly and with no explanation. So, she’s hysterical and resorts to manipulation - not out of habit, but out of desperation (Eddie makes the distinction that this isn’t typical behavior for her!!). For Eddie’s part, this is the first major decision he’s made in probably his whole life, and he doesn’t know how to explain himself, so he just… decides not to. And because he does not love Myra, he is completely emotionally detached from her. Their individual reactions to the situation just make it worse for them both - Eddie shutting down makes Myra more hysterical, and her hysterics cause him to shut down more.

People like to cite a couple of damning quotes about Myra as proof that she’s exactly like Sonia, but making that argument requires you to actively ignore the damning quotes about Eddie. There are also quite a few quotes that highlight the differences between her and Sonia, things Eddie himself acknowledges, as well as quotes about the guilt he feels for knowingly projecting his own baggage onto this woman. (Note: see the posts linked at the end of this for a breakdown of all those quotes) The text makes it clear that this was never a happy marriage. Neither of them are better for being in each other’s lives. They don’t help each other become healthier people. Rather, they both actively enable each other’s toxic habits. The marriage is, in a lot of ways, a form of self-harm for Eddie, and he knows it - upon Sonia’s death, he exited the cage his mother built for him and then built a new cage for himself and threw the key at Myra’s feet. For her part, I believe Myra began as an unwitting enabler but ultimately realized that she gained a “purpose” from the relationship (being a caretaker, being “needed”) and subsequently turned a blind eye to all the ways it wasn’t actually a healthy marriage. 

This is such a long post already but I want to make it very clear that Eddie’s cycle of abuse continuing does not actually require Myra herself to be abusive - rather, it is Eddie’s projection onto her that exacerbates the toxic environment. It’s the ghost of Sonia that haunts him in that chapter and throughout the rest of the novel. Myra is not a villain in Eddie’s life - he hardly even thinks about her after he leaves. This is one of the main points that make Eddie and Bev’s parallel arcs different - Bev very clearly has a secondary villain in her life, Tom, and she gets the closure of him dying in the end. But Eddie doesn’t need closure about his marriage, because Myra is just an extension of what Sonia did to him. 

The one time he does think of her unprompted is during his walking tour, and it’s such a great example of what his marriage actually means for him: when faced with the leper offering him a blowjob and other IT manifestations, he wishes he was home with Myra. He doesn’t think of her badly - he’s not afraid of her in any way. But she represents his comfort zone. IT is forcing him to confront things like his repressed sexuality, and he decidedly does not want to do that. That’s the only moment he “misses” Myra. But he doesn’t actually miss Myra. He misses the way her enabling allowed him to escape from having to face himself. And that’s really what it comes down to - Eddie’s marriage is toxic because it’s an escape, a way for him to avoid having to grow as a person and face the hard realities of who he is and what his mother has done to him. Myra isn’t evil, she’s not a calculating abuser like Sonia was, but she is toxic because her very presence prevents Eddie from reaching his full potential and being happy. 

Sonia’s abuse permeates Eddie’s entire life, even well after her death. Her actions dictate how he sees himself, as well as how he acts in relationships. Sonia is the reason Eddie’s marriage is the way it is. Hell, Sonia is the reason Eddie’s marriage exists in the first place. It is Sonia’s ghost that continues to manipulate him throughout the book and it is Sonia’s voice he needs to overcome in the end. If Myra were truly abusive, she would matter more in the overarching narrative of Eddie’s trip to Derry. But she doesn’t matter and because of that, she’s never really given a personality or motivations. She’s truly a blank canvas for Eddie to project his issues onto, and then he simultaneously berates himself for projecting and resents her for existing within his projections. Through all of this, everything always comes back to Sonia. Due to the vast disparity between their respective levels of influence, placing Myra on equal footing with Sonia is, in my opinion, a form of downplaying how bad Sonia truly was. 

Finally, and it’s wild that this even needs to be said, people need to recognize that saying ‘Myra isn’t abusive’ is NOT the same thing as saying she did nothing wrong. Myra was an enabler and that’s not okay, whether she meant to be or not. She also had moments of manipulation, terrible communication skills and poor emotional regulation. She was a toxic presence in Eddie’s life. Saying she isn’t abusive doesn’t mean I’m excusing her actions. But it’s also important to recognize that the chapter in which she appears has a lot more nuance to it than some people realize, and it’s necessary to hold Eddie accountable for his part in making that night so difficult. On that note, holding Eddie accountable and recognizing his harmful moments is not the same as calling him abusive either (fsr that’s become some kind of urban legend, but literally no one ever said he was! ever!!). There does not always have to be an abuser and a victim - sometimes bad relationships are just… bad.

Eddie is obviously a lot more sympathetic than Myra because we know about his past and get his POV. We know that he’s a good person. We also know that Sonia is the root of all of his issues. But the fact is, he has some shitty moments in that chapter, just as Myra does! His past experiences are not an excuse for that, they’re just an explanation. And, because I know there are people out there who equate accountability with victim blaming, being able to recognize where Eddie went wrong and why he entered into this marriage to begin with is NOT the same as saying he deserved any of his misery. There’s a huge, huge difference between accountability and blame. Holding people, even fictional characters, accountable is a good thing. In the end, Eddie is a very damaged person - an inherently good person, to be sure, but sometimes damaged people who are inherently good can, and often do, create, foster, and contribute to unhealthy relationships. It can’t all be unquestioningly pinned on Myra. 

Anyway, if after all of that you’re still confused as to why some people choose not to use the abuse label, here’s some additional reading:

An amazing breakdown of the entire chapter, using quotes, by @tossertozier

A more recent & shorter breakdown using quotes by @richietozierhateblog