#and like. i’m just always ignored in discord servers especially when it comes to my OCs

[teehee]

everyone has such cool OC stories and worlds and lore but my OC story is just gay trans ppl in a ska band n like nobody wants to talk about it with me bc it’s boring to them lol ‼️ like usually all i get is a “that’s cool” and that’s it

[cordidy]

Just a little something I wrote for the winter Wonderland event of a discord server i'm on.

TW : fluff (cause I needed it after Sylus....), grievieng, use of alcohol as a bad copping mechanism.

“GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN !”

Ringing again…

Ceras woke up to the sound of screamings coming from upstairs quickly followed by her doorbell ringing.

what the…

She tentatively opened an eye only to grunt in pain. The ceiling was still spinning…The door rang again. Whoever that was was going to be told to piss off really quickly if they kept…

Maybe that whiskey last night wasn’t such a good idea…well, especially downing half of it she thought as she made her way to the door, eyes closed to avoid the sunlight, stumbling as she was still inebriated.

The short answer was no.

“What ?” she asked pretty aggressively, not expecting to see Xavier at her doorstep.

“Whoah you look…like you're about to die…or are already dead actually” he told her with a sheepish smile but a concerned look “are you alright ?”

The long one was hell no. Pale as a sheet, eyes and face puffy, throbbing head and wreaking alcohol it was pretty obvious she was not alright and was paying the price of her past evening.

“What do you want Xavier ?” she asked with a sigh, sounding exhausted despite just waking up. Usually she was always happy to see him but today was not a usual day.

“I need help”

“Xavier I swear….Oh hi Ceras”

“Hey Jeremiah” she answered less cheerfully than she would have wanted before turning back to Xavier who was hiding behind her. “So, where is the monster ?” she asked her partner, holding a slipper. The young man pointed at Jeremiah who was looking at them, puzzled.

In his “kiss the chef” apron, flour on the face and holding a bowl of whipped cream he looked anything but scary.

“SHUT UP ! BOTH OF YOU” Ceras yelled back, before grabbing her throbbing head, getting both men to stop arguing. Her head was killing her, she was starting to feel like she was going to be sick and today was not the day to fuck with her !

“Jeremiah ? That’s your monster ?” she asked, clearly unamused, feeling her patience thin. She had been expecting some sort of a bug not a…florist.

“He threatened to tie me up on the balcony...in the cold” Xavier said calmly, still hiding behind her like Jeremiah was some sort of terrifying creature.

“You set the saucepan on fire !” his friend retorked, clearly annoyed at him before going back to his bowl, ignoring them.

“Your request lacked precision”

“I ASKED YOU TO BOIL WATER YOU FUCKING…”

She took a deep breath.

It's not their fault, it’s not their fault she thought, trying to calm herself. Even in her current state, she knew it would not be fair to lash out at them. She was the only one to blame and she would do the only responsible thing.

“I’m going back to bed….” she said, turning away, determined to avoid any human contact for the day before both men claimed, in unison “YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HIM !”

“Thank you for staying, I really need help with dinner and I can’t count on him” Jeremiah started, gesturing toward Xavier who was happily humming while decorating the living room. “It's like having a 5 year old kid on a sugar crush around” he added with a small chuckle, his smile disappearing when he saw she didn’t take the bait and still looked miserable.

At least her head was not hurting anymore…

“I didn't know you cooked” Ceras commented in a monotone voice, cutting the potatoes.

Small talk ! Small talk is good ! the young man thought happily, trying to hide his excitement.

“I'm more of a baking guy but living with the kitchen hazard over there someone had to step up” Jeremiah commented while seasoning the “turkey”, a small chicken they managed to find at the convenient store…

“You've been roomates ?”

“Yeah, right after we cra…when we were younger” Jeremiah trailed off. Careful Jeremiah, don’t get too excited ! he scolded himself before Ceras got his attention again.

“You’ve known each other for long ?” the young woman asked, curious. While Xavier knew almost everything about her life, at least what she remembered, he barely shared details about his before they met.

Jeremiah chuckled fondly “Yeeeeeaaaaah, sometimes it feels like... centuries to be honest” he answered, reminiscing about their time together, before everything became complicated…she was with them back there…His heart twisted at the thought of his friend, still on Philos, waiting…

”We went to the Academy tog…” SHIIIIIIIT !

“I didn’t know you trained at the Hunter Academy too” Ceras commented, intrigued. Jeremiah did not give her the “Hunter vibe”, that reckless attitude most of her colleagues had.

The young man bit his lips, realizing he had said too much again. He knew he needed to be careful around her, to keep in mind he was not “his” Ceras, that she couldn’t find out about their truth but he couldn’t help it. While he would never admit it out loud, for fear his words would be twisted, he missed her too.

Even after all these years you're still a jealous prick…the florist thought before going back to his chicken.

“Jeremiah studied for a few months at the Academy but decided to change vocation��� Xavier said calmly, interrupting them, his eyes throwing daggers at Jeremiah “he never really figured out which end of the sword was supposed to go into the enemy…”

Ceras couldn’t help but chuckle at the sheepish look on Jeremiah’s face as Xavier took her arm and brought her with him to the living room, pretending it was just the two of them.

“What do you think ?” Xavier sounded quite excited by his “tree”.

“It’s a ficus…”

“Look Xavier, I finished helping Jeremiah with your lunch cause I didn’t want you to start a fire on Christmas day…can…can I go back to my place now ? I’m really not…” Right now, she was feeling like that little plant, overwhelmed, out of place and it wouldn’t be long before she would start drowning too…

He pouted, earning Ceras some more guilt points before taking a deep breath and grab her shoulders so she would face the plant. The Christmas ficus would have to do, it was the best he had been able to manage in such a short notice

“Yeeeees, but it’s a Christmas ficus, with tinsels and lights !” the young man retorted with a huge smile, squeezing her shoulders, trying to lighten the mood “and it misses its star”

Ceras let out a desperate sigh at the sight of the small ficus literally fighting for its life under all the decorations.

Why wouldn’t he just let her be alone today ?! All she wanted was to go back to her place, down the other half of her whiskey bottle and pretend Christmas never happened.

That's when she lost it.

“Please, humour me on this one” her friend cut her with a soft voice, handing her a cute handmade paper star.

“And how am I supposed to put a star on a….” She stopped mid sentence when she saw him grab some tape with a huge smile on his face, savoring his victory.

At first, it sounded like a normal laugh. Well, kind off…but before she realized it, she was on the ground, crying her eyes out, that little paper star pressed against her chest while Xavier held her, gently patting her back, exchanging a knowing look with Jeremiah.

He didn’t try to make her stop crying.

He didn’t pretend things would be alright.

He didn’t serve her the bullshit she had heard for months about grief and “they would want you to move on.

He just hold her.

And right now, on her first Christmas after Gran and Caleb, it was all she needed.

[kinfeelings]

Stream of Consciousness: Looking Back, Labels & a Bit About Dysphoria.

I first began believing I was “strange” and “more/other than human” in elementary school (I distantly remember I had feelings of it before then but it became blatant in elementary) and then also the horrible daycare I was placed in for many hours after school ended. Probably had a lot, if not everything, to due with my undiagnosed autism and untreated trauma. I spent recesses wandering around the playground or digging in the dirt, stuck in my head, mostly ignoring my peers who wanted little to do with me anyhow, and then at the daycare, where it was near-constant torment, I was still always pretending to be Something Else. A non-canon OC Warriors cat, a tiger (sometimes even an aquatic “water-tiger”), a werewolf, many different things. Before elementary school and that daycare I was simply obsessed with thinking I was an ordinary house-cat every now and then.

Skip ahead years later and suddenly I am a teen in middle school scouring Tumblr, fixated on Tom Hiddleston at the height of the Avengers-mania. I begin hearing glimpses of something called “otherkin.” It’s so harshly ridiculed that I veer away from it immediately despite it vaguely catching my interest for some reason. More time goes by and I’ve become a young adult, who’s ready to learn more about this concept that I only caught snippets of before. I find I relate to a lot of it, but haven’t any clue what my kintypes are yet. I tried so many freaking labels, y’all. It was ridiculous. Meowth and persian pokémon, a sable working-line German shepherd dog, an Eastern water-spirit dragon, a Maine coon, Bluestar from Warriors, Star Catcher from My Little Pony, Zira from The Lion King, I even attempted to test out an archetrope…

None of these were true, but it’s good I searched, and developed more understanding of my identity.

I am currently twenty-seven, and I call myself: spiritual/psychological, alterhuman, voidpunk, and beastpunk. My current kintypes are as follows: feline cladotherian, all the eeveelutions including eevee itself (pokémon), and various fluctuating fiction- and OCkintypes. My favorite animals are felines, which is cool considering that I am literally all of them at once. I don’t dislike anything that I am, to be honest, which is pretty lucky—some individuals hate what they are, and I feel bad for them. Species euphoria comes to me as a sort of inner peaceful feeling, like all the bullshit of living humanly is ignorable and tolerable, like me-as-my-’types are having no trouble piloting this body I inhabit. I do recognize I value humanity and don’t scorn it anymore, which is why I choose to say I’m alterhuman instead of purely nonhuman. Though, I’ve been wondering about that, lately. Not that I’m going back to hating it as I did when I was younger, just that...am I latching onto the idea of being only a “human but slightly to the left” out of habit and fear of repercussions?

Someone in the OtherConnect Discord server told me “alterhuman” doesn’t imply either having humanity nor lack of it, it’s an umbrella term that includes examples of both. So I guess I was kinda mistaken? So I’m calling myself nonhuman from now on, too.

Dysphoria is a hellish time when it does occur for me, especially since I’m already mentally ill to begin with. Everything feels discordant, borderline painful; the air itself that I breathe has a blunt and mocking edge to it, cruel and relentless. You will never be anything you are within. Fuck my intrusive thoughts and anxiety disorder, frankly. They can kiss my ass.

[reaganlodge]

Hi Mr. Lodge,

I’m always been enamored by your illustrative style and dieselpunk world building of your upcoming novel!

I’ve always aspired to be a notable illustrator, but I always get shy or anxious about sharing my work on the internet or in general especially now with the whole AI art controversy happening, but I do want to build myself up.

What is your advice about sharing an artist’s work?

Hey Retrorubus, thank you so much for the supportive words. Always really encouraging for me to hear from folks like you. AI worries: AI image-scraping is a reality we're going to have to live with from now on. If you're relatively obscure you don't have much to worry about, but artists with bigger brands will more likely be targeted by the Abominable Intelligence. Art theft and piracy have always existed, now it just got worse... But not insurmountable. Remember that AI can only imitate human creations. AI can't imitate what hasn't yet been created. It can't live the life you've had, the sorrows and joys which shaped the art and characters that live in your mind, waiting to be made. Anxiety about sharing art online: Generally I think you should go ahead and start posting some work online, but start small by posting it to only 1 or 2 platforms at first just to get used to it. Try to stick to a schedule too, like picking 1-3 days a week that you'll post a new drawing on even if it's just a sketch. You'll realize soon that there's little to be anxious about. If anyone leaves nasty comments, just ignore or block them. They're never worth your attention when there's so many other good people out there worth getting to know. Don't feel like you have to publicly post everything you draw. I only share about 15% of what I've drawn. The rest is either on my Patreon or unreleased comic pages. If you're still fairly beginner/intermediate with your skill level, don't stress yourself out over getting a big followings or engagement - that all naturally comes with skill, persistence and time. What helped me a LOT when I was new was hanging out on illustration forums and art/animation-themed IRC chats where I could get to know peers in a more chill environment and share our progress on various projects. So yeah, small, art-focused Discord servers or Telegram chats with artists who share your interests might be a good option to look into. Finally, don't worry about being a notable illustrator, just focus on being a good one. Create whatever is truly meaningful and important to you, and you'll have renown among a truly loyal and appreciative following. Anyways I hope this helps. Feel free to ask any follow-on questions, and thanks again!

[tsunderedoctor]

hiii it's my first time actually requesting something !! i hope i don't say anything stupid i'm really nervous 😭

as someone who's been diagnosed with this, may i ask for autistic reader with ace and cora? preferably male reader but gn is fine too !

idk if you know much abt it but i do wanna put in some of the stuff i tend to do !! since it is a spectrum, being autustic varies for those who are — but for me personally i have the urge to stim a lot, specifically i get urges to flap and shake my hands often or to just rock back and forth while sitting, or to say certain words like "pop" or "bubble". i really struggle with eye contact and overall most social situations, especially face-to-face but that doesn't mean i'm ignoring them ><

and also sensory issues with how certain things feel/sound/etc, like damp clothing or really loud sounds — sometimes i get really overwhelmed when there's too many things at once ( e.g. flashing lights, loud sounds, too many people, etc. all at once ) and kinda just meltdown uncontrollably. :( but i also love how certain things feel, like soft fur or weighted blankets !! and also certain special interests like aquatic creatures and just the overall marine stuff, or just drawing ! cats too

also random side note i remember seeing you join a one piece artist server i was in and i wanted to say hi so badly since you're my favorite comfort blog !! but i got so scared and nervous and didn't want to bother you so i didn't ☹️ also sorry for rambling a lot i didn't think i would write that many words haha ! that's all i wanted to say though i'll be very happy if you do my request, but it's fine if you don't, just take your time !!!

So, so sorry that you had to wait so long for this!!! I hope you are doing well and know I love you so much!! Also, always feel free to talk to me!! I don’t mind, really!! I’m also in quite a few discords (I left ones I was inactive in-), so feel free to say hi there too!! 💜💜💜

I broke this down into the symptoms you had mentioned and how they first react to now being used to it, so I hope this makes sense!!

Stimming:

When you first presented the stimming, the brunet might be a bit confused at first, but once you explain the situation he just gives you a smile and lets you carry on!

Now he is used to it and doesn’t mind it at all. If anyone says anything rude or gives you dirty looks, be prepared for them to be sat down as he explains the symptoms of Autism to the bystander. If they want to be ignorant, he’s going to teach them a lesson!

Echolalia: 

This one might surprise you, but he is used to Luffy saying random things at times, so he doesn’t even realize it was an issue for you. When you mention it, he just waves it off, it’s not annoying, don’t you worry!

Sometimes he finds himself mimicking you now! You might utter the world “bubble” and the brunet just whispers out “pop” subconsciously, he doesn’t even realize he does it! 

Eye contact:

He also struggles with this! Not from Autism, but due to his trauma. If there is one thing Ace doesn’t feel like he is, is worthy. He doesn’t understand why people always get upset with him, so he is very understanding when you struggle with it too. It’s okay, you’re safe here.

This is something I think would be amazing that you both can work on together! Whenever one another notices the other not looking at them, be direct about it and let them express why they might can’t! It’s a great bonding exercise to get the other to talk and also expressing yourself to others who also might ask! 

Sensory issues:

Do you see this man?? He hardly wears shirts (though I think it’s more to due with his Devil Fruit-), so he totally understands and doesn’t mind supporting some natural looks. As long as you are comfortable and still somewhat decent, he doesn’t mind or won’t get embarrassed! 

As for sounds, he might not realize it until it’s too late. He’s quite the loud man when it comes to fighting and the crew he is in isn’t the quietest either. So with some good communication, the crew and him work on letting you know a head of time! 

Even now he still feels the same way. As long as your clothing choices are kid friendly, he doesn’t mind what you wear or choose not to wear. he also goes out of his way to make sure not to get certain fabrics or have a change of clothes if you happen to get wet.

Selective mutism:

He’s going to be confused at first if you happen to go mute without telling him. He might react negatively too and think he did something wrong, so just let him know through pen and paper you just can’t talk right now and he will be fine. 

Starts to pick up on your low level cues and knows what to expect when you go mute. It’s taken a while, but he is now a pro at it and can speak up for you if needed! 

Stimming:

I like to think that due to his background and education with different countries, Cora would have some knowledge about Autism. So when he sees you stimming for the first time, it just automatically clicks to him and he just goes with the flow as if nothing changed (and nothing has!).

The type to move something out of your reach when you stim just so you don’t accidentally break it or knock it over. He doesn’t want you to feel guilty later when you have better control over your body. 

Echolalia: 

Again, since he has some knowledge he understands what is happening when you say certain words randomly or mimic someone unintentionally. However, he has the book smarts, so he doesn’t have any practical knowledge on this symptom. 

Has more knowledge now and knows how to help you break out of it if you find it difficult on your own. He doesn’t mind it either way, but wants to be helpful to you and your feelings.

Eye contact:

He struggled with this as well, but living in the military had forced this habit on him. That doesn’t mean he is going to force it on you though! He would never do something that causes you discomfort and if you can’t look at him or others, than so be it! 

Let’s people know ahead of time (especially Sengoku) that you might not look at them directly. Just so they don’t go poking around demanding or asking personal questions you don’t want to answer!

Sensory issues:

Might get quite embarrassed if you change your clothes right away when they get wet. Always offers his jackets (even the fluffy coat) for you, even if you are dressed. He just likes seeing you in them and that he can comfort you!

As far as loud sounds go, this man has you covered! He will use his Devil Fruit to mute any loud sounds for around you, giving you a chance to relax and catch your breath again! 

Selective mutism:

He completely understands, he spent years being mute, so when you need a break, just let him know and he will mute you with his Devil Fruit, allowing you to not have to hear others or speak up.

If it comes to people like Doffy, he will let them know you are completely mute. He doesn’t want you to speak to these kinds of people anyway. Call him possessive, but there aren’t many people he is comfortable with you talking to. 

[dark-mnjiro]

happy new year to all my mutuals and followers. it has been a wild year and I just want to thank all of you for being here and putting up with my constantly changing interests. I appreciate everyone one of you! I’m going to apologize now - I’m typically not this sappy. Please ignore me - I usually don’t get emotional like this, but a lot of this needed to be said.

To my followers, thank you all for the support over the last year - even helping reach my 500 follower milestone. You guys have seriously helped boost my confidence in writing again and there’s too many of you to name to thank each one of you personally, but just know - I do read each comment, reblog, tag, etc you leave on my fics or in my inbox. And you all never fail to make me smile. 🥺

Too my mutuals, while there are also too many of you to thank individually- you have all been such a god send. I love seeing you in my inboxes, notifications, ect. I love the banter we share especially with my every changing interests and THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH THAT AS WELL. I know I’ve convinced so many of you to join the bllk cult - no I will never apologize for it either.

There’s just a few shout outs I wanted to make before the year comes to an end. To a group of people i interact with constantly - even outside of tumblr and they just aways make my shitty days brighter.

@dilu3 - you are literally like the little sister I never got to have. You match my chaotic energy at every turn and our conversations are never boring. We’re constantly keymashing, all caps screaming in our group chat and somehow manage to understand what the other is saying without it even being remotely words.

@katsukikitten / @baroukitten - I am so thankful we started talking even though it’s been fairly recent. Spamming manga screenshots back and forth especially of bllk to each other on discord while screaming about our common interests in characters. Especially Barou and Nagi. 😩 you always send me such wonderful messages while I’m at work - cheering me on ESPECIALLY ON TUESDAYS WHICH ARE MY GARBAGE DAYS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME.

@blkladyelle - ELLE. HOW CAN I EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE OUR FRIENDSHIP. The fact you pop on randomly to send me DMs just to telling me how much you love me and hope I’m having a lovely day is just so precious. It makes my heart melt. I love sharing fic ideas with you and how you help me break down the constant stream of ideas in my head - because it never seems to stop 🙃 ughhhh you are perfect.

@awkwardchick87 - while we’ve only been moots for a few months - I love that I can just spaz completely out on servers about TR with you. Especially with season 2 coming up. SCREAMS. I can’t wait. Also- I’m going to convert you to the bllk cult even if it kills me! Join us.

@ryndicate - ryn… oh RYN. The conversations we have on dash can’t even compare to the chaos that is our conversations on discord. Constantly spamming manga screenshots of Kaiser’s mullet back and forth while screaming what a tool he is that you can’t seem to escape - I have also found a friend that I can vent frustrations when it comes to the fandom community on this app with. You’ve always offered solutions to my vents as well which has been so helpful and I appreciate it so much. You have no idea how thankful I am for us meeting on this silly app this year. You and your mullet loving self. ✌🏻

@knchins - ally. My best friend. My partner in crime. My WIFE. We go back further than this app and I foresee our friendship going beyond it too. Our constantly creations of OCs and story building together. You always the best person to go to for story building/universe creating. You have such a great imagination even though you don’t seem to think so. You’re a talent writer and I wish I even had a fraction of your talent. You have no idea what you mean to me… you’ve been there through the good and the very ugly parts of me and you’ve never left - even when so many others did. You encouraged me to stay on track especially with my BPD treatment especially on the days I wanted to throw in the towel and give up. You’re always there when I need a shoulder to cry on and just to zone out while we watch our weekly showing of bllk/YouTube videos together. You’re probably the first person I message as soon as I wake up every day and the last person I send a message to before I go to sleep (or I fall asleep mid message before sending). You’re more than my best friend - you’re literally the family I choose to have in my life. 💕

[stonedregulus]

hey! i’m cis and i was just wondering if you have any tips for writing non-cis characters? i’m sorry if this is rude or stupid i’m just kind of new to writing and i wanna make sure i’m as inclusive as i can be and accurate in what i’m writing, i wouldn’t wanna say something wrong just out of pure lack of knowledge and the way you write is really cool and i admire it a lot

so if you have anything to share about like how to go about writing non cis characters into a story in a way that doesn’t come across blaring obvious as like AHHH look at this!!!! a diversity card character!!!! cause i would hate that, and i just wanna be as respectful as possible :))

(and if this makes no sense or is rude i’m rlly sorry, feel free to ignore it)

Definitely not rude, I would do much rather you ask for help than possibly do something offensive without knowing, you know?

Thank you for complimenting my writing 🫶🏻🫶🏻 I hope this list helps you!

This has become a really long post, so I’m putting tips under the cut :)

I recommend talking to your friends or online acquaintances about their experiences with their gender. Are certain words/topics triggering to them? Personally, I have a hard time reading/writing about body dysphoria. It makes me super uncomfortable, especially when I know the person writing it is cis it just… it feels wrong to me. I want trans content, and I think everyone should be able to write it, but there are certain ways I feel like in general (and I’m being very broad here) when cis people write trans content they tend to use terms and phrases that they think is how we feel, when in reality it’s just rude and has a transphobic edge to it.

Find a sensitivity reader. There are some discord servers that offer sensitivity reading as a role and there are tons of people who will offer to help you out. Please just do it. I lost a friend over this. She had plenty of noncis acquaintances at her disposal, was in multiple discord groups that had sensitivity readers available, and yet she didn’t utilize them. She wrote an extremely transphobic fic that she thought was fine due to the time period the fic was set it, and while yes, technically it was, because she didn’t have a sensitivity she had no one to point out the flaws. When she posted, it lacked several critical trigger warnings, and unfortunately myself and several of my friends were sent into dissociating & dysphoric spirals that lasted for several days. All of it could have been avoided with a sensitivity reader, is what I’m saying. Even if you’re not writing something extremely dark, it’s important because they can catch the little phrases you might use that to you are totally fine, but to someone who is not cis sets of alarm bells.

trigger warning the shit out of your work. this is for everything: it’s always better to over warn than under warn. but, if you are writing a noncis person who is having even the slightest bit of dysphoria(their shirt just doesn’t sit quite right because of their body shape and they decide to completely change their outfit)—trigger warn it, being misgendered—trigger warn it, being dead named—trigger warn it.

do not give your characters dead names unless you are having another character dead name them and it is absolutely essential to the storyline (i.e. orion with regulus in wyidias). they do not need a dead name. your readers don’t need to know it. you don’t need to know it. it does not matter because it is not their name.

Please don’t use transphobia as a plot device if you can help it. i know in some situations it’s not entirely avoidable, but there are times when people just seem to think sprinkling it in adds flavor when really all it does is ruin it.

Do your research! It’s soooo easy to find information and terms and blogs that talk about experiences, you just have to take the time and do it!

Reread, edit thoroughly, have a beta if you can, and give yourself grace. You know how many times when I set a characters pronouns as they/them in a fic, I fuck up? The answer is a lot. I’m writing multiple fics where one character is he/him in most fics but they/them in the final. I fuck it up. All the fucking time. I edit and miss it. My beta edits and misses it. It happens. Someone comments on my fic “hey dude you missed this pronoun in this sentence” I curse, stamp my foot, fix it, and thank them. It happens. Don’t beat yourself up over it too much, you’re trying your best, and I’m just excited you want to be more inclusive in your writing.

Last but not least, I would probably put a disclaimer at the beginning of your work just stating that you are cis and if anyone sees anything wrong to bring it to your attention because you don’t want to upset anyone.

I hope those helped!! 🫶🏻

[dreamologisth2o]

Why I Believe Endersmile Is Canon

Because I’m on a bit of an Endersmile binge--

This is all gonna be very messy and just me putting my thoughts together and I’ll probably not be going through the VODs for exact timestamps or anything because that’s exhausting and I applaud the people who do, but here are my thoughts on Endersmile and why I’m 100% convinced it’s canon. They’re besties your honor.

/rp Any names mentioned are referring to their dsmp characters and not the streamers themselves unless specified

First off: The Disc. Dream trusts Ranboo, a lot. He trusts him so much that he literally gave Ranboo one of the two discs he needed to pull off his big plan at the finale. He trusted Ranboo, so much that Ranboo deciding to give the disc back to Tommy or Tubbo wasn’t an option, even though Ranboo was friends with both, which he knew. I don’t know why he gave Ranboo the disc, or how he got the disc from Skeppy in the first place, and I’m sure he did have a hundred and one back up plans for if Ranboo did decide to give Tommy the disc, but asking Ranboo to hold onto the disc in the first place means Dream trusted him to a degree, and that’s big coming from Mr. “Reserved”.

Second: Knowing Dream’s Voice. Ranboo knows/remembers Dream’s voice well enough that he hears it whenever he’s in the panic room, that his subconscious uses Dream’s voice to force Ranboo to confront his fears. For a guy who hasn’t had any one on one time or conversations with Dream in VC on stream, he sure does a really good job imagining his voice. /s 

Basically, they must have spoken, a lot. They must have spent time together outside planning for things or exchanging items or whatever. So much time, in fact, that Dream and Ranboo both end up sharing the same ideology of “People not sides” of “One big happy family” of “Being the person that stops conflicts” of “Being on all sides” of “Mediating between those sides” of “Choosing the side they think is right”. 

During Ranboo’s prison visit dream/nightmare, the Voice tells Ranboo that the only reason Ranboo hasn’t been hearing it lately, is because he hasn’t been speaking with Dream as often. That Ranboo and Dream had talked with each other nearly everyday. And I’m inclined to believe that because the mere existence of the voice proves he’s heard Dream’s voice a lot, or he has a very good memory of Dream’s voice, which, considering his memory problems probably isn’t the case. This is further supported by how ever since Dream’s been in prison, ever since Ranboo banned himself from the prison, he hasn’t heard even a hint of Dream’s voice, not even as he’s remembering more and more.

Third: The Disc War Finale. During the disc war finale, we have in universe proof and out of character confirmation from both cc!Dream and cc!Ranboo that the characters had been staring at each other during the entire thing. Some friends on a discord server have also pointed out how Ranboo appeared to be avoiding Tommy’s gaze unless Tommy’s distracted. And during the entire thing Ranboo’s the only one not holding out a weapon, instead he’s got a book and quill in his hand. We’ve now also got confirmation that Ranboo was Enderwalking during the Disc War Finale, which makes all the strange behaviors make sense because if they’re friends, if they’re allies, then Ranboo didn’t show up to fight Dream. Then Dream might’ve been trying to convey something to Ranboo, like perhaps trying to keep Ranboo from doing something stupid and revealing their alliance. Especially if he planned on being put in Pandora, he really doesn’t need his friend to try and “save” him and ruin the whole plan.

Fourth: The Voice. I am inclined to believe the things the voice says. Why? Because everything the voice is talking about are all the things Ranboo doesn’t want to confront, doesn’t want to see, doesn’t want to remember. The voice isn’t malicious. It’s not even Dream, it’s just using Dream’s voice to make Ranboo listen. And Ranboo knows it’s just himself. (also out of character confirmation from the cc!s that the voice is NOT Dream and never has been, it’s just a manifestation of all the shit Ranboo’s repressed coming up and slapping him in the face) Everything the voice does, all the things it says, is trying to get Ranboo to remember the “bad” things he’s done, to remember that he was on Dream’s side. To force him to face that side of himself that might be capable of doing bad things, if there’s a good enough reason. It exaggerates things, it makes them out to be worse than they actually are, but that’s how it’s able to get Ranboo’s attention, that’s how it’s able to force him to think about those things. Ranboo won’t do anything until he’s forced to face the problem, the Voice is just trying to get Ranboo to do that.

This is why I believe Ranboo DID blow up the community house. Why he’s working with or has worked for Dream in the past. Why he willingly gave Dream his memory book, possibly to create a visible conflict between them and ensure no one would connect them as allies, like what Dream wanted to do with Punz. And also because the other things it’s said, such as Ranboo being given the Cat disc to hold onto, have been proven to be true. Nothing the Voice has said has been confirmed a lie. And many of the things it’s talked about aren’t things we or Ranboo can find the answer to unless he talks to Dream, which is until the dude’s rescued from the prison, isn’t happening. (cc!Dream where’s your Dream lore?!?!?!)

That said, if Ranboo was the one to blow up the community house, then Dream was covering for him during the Disc War Finale. He didn’t have to. He could’ve thrown Ranboo under the bus. But he chose to take on that blame, make himself look even worse in the eyes of everyone gathered there while he was at their mercy, to protect Ranboo from similar persecution. Doesn’t this remind you of anything? And Ranboo’s got a track record of making friends with those who help him.

Fifth: The Visits. Ranboo has visited Dream in prison multiple times. At the very least at least 2 times that we have direct confirmation of, and probably even more. His visits are consistent enough that just a few days after Ranboo bans himself from the prison, Dream notices and starts a strike, tells Sapnap that Ranboo’s stopped visiting, asks him, his best friend who literally threatened to perma-kill him if he were to ever leave his horrible situation, to send a message to Ranboo. (which, I guess Dream still kinda trusts Sapnap despite everything that’s happened, huh?) 

Why would Ranboo visit? Unless they’re friends, unless they’re allies? Because even Dream’s so called best friend only ever visited once. Even Bad who Dream claims to have been the nicest only ever visited once. And while Tommy and Quackity visited more than once, their multiple visits have very clear reasons behind them, while Ranboo’s just, don’t. 

And consider: How did Ranboo know about the things that were said during the Disc War Finale, word for word, line for line, that he wasn’t present for, unless someone’s told him? Unless he heard about it from Dream himself. Unless that was what they were talking about. Unless that’s part of the reason Ranboo kept visiting Dream. 

Sixth: The Lessons. I don’t know about you, but giving life lessons to someone sounds like something you’d do with a friend, and not just a “puppet”. The whole lessons book gives off really mentor mentee vibes, and considering how Ranboo’s following in Dream’s goal of stopping conflict and uniting the server, well. And the lessons aren’t even malicious, or designed to push Ranboo away from others. In fact, many of them, especially the last few ones we see, are designed to protect Ranboo! Unless Ranboo’s safety was a top priority for Dream, there’s not much reason to pass those lessons down. This lines up incredibly well with Dream taking the blame of the community house’s destruction during the Disc War Finale, as well as his protective streak at his own expense when it comes to his allies and the people he cares about. Which means Ranboo is someone he cares about, which means they’re friends! They’re besties your honor!

Seventh: Ranboo’s Vehement Denial. Ranboo is infamous for being an unreliable narrator, for being in incredible denial despite all evidence supporting otherwise. Which means his vehement denial that Dream can be anything but bad is a fairly obvious red flag that that’s not true, and that Ranboo has reason to believe it’s not true, but chooses to actively ignore or forget those reasons and attempts to reinforce the “everything’s Dream’s fault, he can never change and will always be bad” mentality, that sounds like something he stole from Tommy or c!Dream antis, because he doesn’t want to face the fact that he has reasons for believing the opposite. At this point, I am 100% on board with the idea that all these unprompted instances of Dream hate is just a blatant cover up of how that’s not true at all. (Which he touches on, ever so briefly, when he renovates the second stronghold room)

Aaaaand that’s it! For the most part. I could touch on how Enderboo is hoarding all the backbone in this relationship and that the dynamic between Enderboo and Ranboo is closer to that of someone waking up after a sugar high or going for three days straight without sleep than it is two completely separate people or someone who’s literally sleepwalking (and that “Enderboo” is his normal state and “Ranboo” is the sleep deprived not thinking straight state). But this post is already obscenely long and I should end it here. 

TL;DR: They’re besties, your honor.

Anyways, if you got this far, thanks for reading!

[ghoste-catte]

I was curious what advice would you give to someone new to writing fics? I've been wanting to get back into it but haven't seriously written something since high school. I hope this isn't an annoying question or anything!

Not an annoying question at all! I'm just a little worried that I won't have terribly good or useful advice. To be honest, I also sort of stopped writing in earnest right as I finished high school, and didn't pick it back up until my late 20s. It's certainly an adjustment! But I think the few things that really helped me get back into writing fic as a hobby and something I spend quite a bit of time on would be:

Write for yourself first, then find your other motivations. My original inspiration in getting back into fic writing was that there just were not that many fics I liked for my favorite pairing, and I wanted more of them, and I especially wanted more with the tropes and characterizations I wanted to see. I think at the very core of anything you need that internal spark that drives you. At the same time, for me at least, if I just relied on my own drive, I would not get much done; I need some external guardrails. So having people send prompts, or writing for particular events, or writing stuff for friends really helps me to get my ass in gear and finish stuff. That may not be the perfect motivator for you, and that's fine! You just gotta figure out what is.

Be open to inspiration. Anything and everything can be spun out into a story with the right tweaking. Obviously stuff like music is a classic inspiration source, but I've also pulled ideas from poetry, from memes, from Reddit threads, from YouTube videos, from rambling conversations on Discord and from real life to make fics out of. So many times, someone will post a silly Twitter screencap, and I'll think, There's a fic in this. And a lot of the time, there is! Research is a wonderful thing, but so is serendipity. If you're out there actively looking for ideas, eventually one that you like will stumble past you.

Find your community. I can genuinely say I never would have finished more than one fic if I didn't have fandom friends to talk to about even stupid headcanons, to bounce ideas off of, and to encourage me (and to encourage them in turn!). Discord has been a godsend, and some of my closest online friends are people I met in the GaaLee discord server. As I've gotten more comfortable as a writer, I've also joined general writing servers and Reddit communities and have found them immensely helpful on both a motivational level (bingos, sprints, owe-me challenges) and on a craft level (plot workshopping and writing ethics and live grammar help). It's a lot easier to think about fic ideas and hash through problem moments when I have a constant stream of fandom-related chatter coming from the little people who live in my phone! Ao3 is an amazing website, and it's great as, well, an archive, but it isn't social media by design. If you want conversation and human connection and cheerleading, you've gotta forge out and find it.

Make it a habit ... If you want to produce anything longer than a couple hundred words, you really have to set aside time for it. And writing is just like knitting or dirt biking or painting little model figurines: the more you do it, the more easily it comes. When I was first getting back into the proper swing of things, I committed myself to 30 minutes of writing per week. Just 30 minutes. I didn't even hit that goal every week, but there were tons of weeks I got on a roll and went over that amount, and by the end of the year I'd written over 200,000 words. I used to spend an hour laboriously tip-tapping out 200 words, but now I can easily blow through 1k in a 50 minute sprint. It's all about training that muscle.

... But don't make it a chore. With fanfic, you aren't doing this as a job, and you aren't ultimately doing it for anyone other than you. That means you can take breaks when you need them, you can set deadlines and then fail to meet them, you can write stuff and then decide to never post it. When you start getting burnt out, when the practice loses the joy and energy, stop. There's no 'hustle' here. In our capitalist society we're so trained to push past our limits and keep going even when it hurts us, but the hobby you do for connection and relaxation and whatever else shouldn't be like that.

Ignore metrics. Sometimes stuff isn't gonna get hits, or kudos, or comments. There are some basic 'rules' as to the stuff that does and doesn't get traction, but every time you post something it's a roll of the dice. If you're focused on watching that kudos counter tick up, you will get bummed out fast. And any writer will tell you that the stuff you think is your best work will never be the stuff that gets the most accolades. So you have to find something else to give you a sense of success. For me, it's watching my wordcount go up in my stats and those occasional comments where someone has a lot to say and that one person who always leaves me a <3 emoji (and, shout out to @egregiousderp, having someone to have long one-on-one conversations with about the stuff that never made it to page).

Don't strive for perfection. It's really easy to want your first ever fic to be a complete showstopper, the best fic fandom has ever seen, hitting all the tropes and the ideas and the characterization that you just know fandom is missing and would be everyone's top favorite if only it was written. This is a trap. No one fic can be all things. Most people who want to write an epic as their very first venture will not see the end of that epic, because they haven't put in the practice hours to make something on that scale work. That's not to say you can't start out with a big, sprawling multichap, just don't expect it to be the greatest thing since sliced bread if you're just starting out, and be okay with abandoning it for greener pastures if you get to that point. Think of the first time someone makes a vase out of clay or bakes a loaf of bread. That's never their best vase or their best bread. If they keep up with it, they'll make more and better vases and loaves. Likewise, your first fic is probably not gonna be your best fic. See it for what it is: your launchpad.

You can't edit an empty page, but you can over-edit a full one. This kind of spins off of #7, but if the words aren't there, you can't fix them. Daydreams and headcanons are fantastic (and god, how many times have I wished for a speech-to-text engine that projected my falling asleep thoughts onto a Google doc for later perusal), but they aren't fic. If you want to write fic, you've gotta get comfortable with the idea of sloppy outlines and rough first drafts. You can't build a house without a frame and you can't build a man without a skeleton (I mean, you can, I guess, but he'd be one floppy man). The nice thing about fic is that it doesn't matter if that frame is structurally unsound or the skeleton has 18 too many bones, you can clean that up in the editing process. But you can't start hanging curtains and arranging furniture in something that doesn't even have walls. That's the process. But! Also know when to set down the editor's pen and say, "Okay, this is good enough for government work", and call it done. ("Done" doesn't have to mean "posted", but it does mean, "I'm done picking at this for now, and I'm gonna go write some more stuff".) Over-editing can make stuff seem laborious and forced, and it prevents you from actually improving. To continue belaboring the house metaphor, you can spend your whole life rearranging furniture in just one room, but the end result of that is a pretty narrow existence and a room with a lot of footprints and tracks in the carpet.

Write shit down. When you have ideas, jot them down--in a notebook, in a Google Doc, in the Notes app of your phone, in pen on the back of your hand. You think you will remember that brilliant line of dialogue or sparkling snippet of narration or genius plot that came to you in a dream, but you Will Not. Write it down. Write it down. Write it down! There have been so many times when a fic was completely saved by past!me having written down my shower thoughts about what happens next in the fic, that present!me had completely forgotten about and was floundering over.

Have fun with it! Try different stuff. Try stupid stuff. Try experimental stuff. Do stuff you've never done before that you aren't sure will work. It's important to get comfortable with your niche (for example, I know I'm never going to be the sort of person who writes intricate plots of intrigue or super long 100k epics or detailed battles), but you can't find that niche unless you explore lots of different niches! Figure out what you love and what you absolutely hate, and then keep doing the stuff you love.

Okay, so that was actually TEN things, but ... I hope you still found this helpful. Feel free to send another ask if any of this was confusing or unclear. Good luck with your fic writing and, if you want, send me a link to what you've written once you've written it! I'd love to read it.

[gra-sonas]

I'm the nonnie that wanted advice, thank you for agreeing! English is not my native language, so I will try to make as much sense as I can. First, I want to say that this is not about the RNM/Malex fandom (I follow several people from that fandom, you being one of them, since I ship Malex but this is not about them). One of the reasons I created a Tumblr was to enjoy my ships and to try to connect to other people, since it's hard for me to make friends in real life. So, little by little I started to interact with blogs of that other fandom, reblogging their stuff, commenting, sending asks, even sending some messages. And some people started to talk to me, however, it feels very forced, it feels like they are trying to be nice, but they really don't want to talk to me or include me. And I can easily see that because other “newer” blogs, like mine, get treated differently, much more friendly, and they don't get ignored which I feel like I do. I'm always the one that has to make the first move, but with others it's not like that. I know that I'm jealous, and I shouldn't be, but I have wanted so bad to belong somewhere that I can help it. I don't know if I should just give up, stop trying, and get out of that fandom. Maybe I'm the problem, and I'm just never going to be able to connect to people. Sorry for coming to you with this, it's just that you are always so nice and kind that you made me feel like I could ask you this. You don't have to answer, I know it's too much and that you have nothing to do with it.

Oh nonnie, I'm so sorry that you're feeling that way. :(

I know how hard it is to get into a fandom, especially when you're not a writer or a fan artist/gif maker (i.e. a "contributor" - even though people who comment and send asks are just as important, but I hope you understand what I mean).

On top of that, Tumblr is honestly a terrible platform to make fandom friends (at least in my experience).

What Tumblr is lacking imo (and what makes me miss Livejournal an awful lot) is a way to have any kind of [ongoing] discussion. Or proper [nested!!!] comments. Yes, you can reply to a post, but unless someone checks the notes, no one will see that reply.

Basically, Tumblr is everyone just sitting on their personal island (i.e. blog) yelling into the void, hoping that someone else will hear them. And even if someone hears them yell, and maybe even replies, it's almost impossible to have an actual conversation, let alone build friendships. Tumblr's just not designed for that.

Personally, I’ve had much more luck on Twitter or Discord to find “my people” - platforms much more suitable for conversations, and the focus isn’t as much on “contributing” (in the form of providing or sharing content). (Personally, I loathe IG, but it’s also a platform where you can comment, and that probably also works for some people).

So, my advice would be: try to find “your people” outside of Tumblr. Maybe there’s a Discord server for your fandom where you can actually talk to people (and more than just one person at a time, also people who might not live in a different time zone and won’t reply immediately when you send them an ask 🙃).

If you don’t have Twitter, maybe set up an account and see whether the platform is for you (it’s not for everyone, I know, but I love it and it’s my favorite), but in my experience it’s much easier to get in touch with people there than on Tumblr.

Tumblr is nice for sharing content (even though that’s become a bit of a lost art these days, reblogs are a near extinct art form tbh :P) but it’s shit for forming and becoming a member of a community. And I say that as someone who’s been on this hellsite for over a decade, and has always “contributed” - in some  way at least.

In short: it’s not you, nonnie. I’m sure you are lovely, and anyone would be lucky to have a fandom friend like you who puts so much effort into connecting with others. And I’m truly sorry that you feel like it’s your fault.

It’s not. It really isn’t. (And feeling a bit jealous is a perfectly understandable reaction. You’d be surprised how often I’ve felt like someone who looks at fandom through a window from the outside but is never part of it. That feeling SUCKS big time).

I really hope you’ll be able to find like-minded people elsewhere, where it is easier to connect and talk to people.

Wishing you the best of luck, nonnie! (And hey, if you’d like a Twitter fandom friend, let me know, I’m always happy to chat with people on the bird app) ❤️

[somethingironicallycool]

Let’s talk about cults- a letter to witchblr

You probably know me from this blog or perhaps from @desertandstorm or maybe you just never heard of me. The point is, I used to consider myself magically inclined. Unfortunately, it’s been ruined for me. People always say that you never expect to join one and honestly that is incredibly true! These people were my friends and my mentors, I never knew it would blow up in my face like that.  When we think of spiritual safety, people on this site most often bring up spirits or herb safety, never fully touching on the topic of the overlap of covens vs. cults. I don’t blame them, it is truly a messy subject to properly handle without convincing someone all covens are cults (which is absolutely not true) So here’s my go at it based off of my experiences RED FLAGS

They’re pushy about their beliefs 

They try and separate you from the “others”

Slander other groups

proclaim they’re the only right

“nobody else knows what they’re doing”

Something about them just always has to be one step ahead 

The head of the coven can’t accept criticism 

Denial of problems

Conflicting info and logical fallacies 

This is iffy but casual godphoning of several gods and goddesses especially ones that they just started working with

Invasive actions such as unwanted readings and spells

(goes with the last one) refusal to take responsibility 

Gaslighting and other forms of emotional manipulation

treat you special when you first join

leave you in the dust after you lose your novelty

(please feel free to add more in reblogs)

you feel like you’re failing them somehow

your mental health worsens because of them

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS

This list is based off of my own struggles I’m still trying to come to grips with

Cults are only physical!

I got snagged by a Discord server. They can be anywhere where you are vulnerable.

Cult leaders are creepy old dudes

The ring leader was a dude in college. They can also start off as your friends. Cults exist to take advantage, there is no set way for them to appear

Aren’t cults like devil worshippers?

No, we were a diverse group who all didn’t share practices. (I’m a pop pagan and no one else was)

It’s so obvious

While I knew something was wrong, it wasn’t until after I left and someone pointed it out I realized what I was in. 

Isn’t the damage physical? like brandings and shit

No, the damage was very much psychological and spiritual. While I believe someone did carve their arm under the influence of a leader, nothing physical happened to me. However, I can’t touch Aphrodite, Lilith, or Loki related things given their current associations. I can’t even worship Set now because I feel... dirty, like I was such a fool. 

WHAT TO DO

once more based off of my experiences if someone would like to add advice for physical situations please do 

Assess your situation

if they hit a good amount of red flags, they’re probably a cult

if they hit a few red flags, they’re a toxic group

Leave 

Cult or toxic group it doesn’t matter. They showed red flags, it isn’t worth it.

You’re going to feel alone, it’s ok. It’s ok to feel alone after all that time. You aren’t alone in that.  

Cut ties

Delete all related social media you used pertaining to the group

Make sure to work backwards so they can’t trace you 

Delete everything that could’ve touched your tumblr or discord or however else you were in contact. 

If you can’t delete certain accounts, change the username/ profile pic/ description and lock it down to private 

Pick a new internet handle to go under for awhile and don’t tell people your old name. fae rules. 

Lay low around the spiritual community and don’t try and interact unless it’s with people you trust 

Breathe

It’s ok.

I’m serious we’ll get over this

To those struggling right now, you are strong you are brave

I know it’s so hard to feel like you’re so small that everything you did was lies, but please don’t let your work go to waste. Your first reaction will probably be to destroy your previous alters or delete all your journal posts, but just hold on to them. Save them for later you might be surprised. 

Your pain is valid 

Closing thoughts

Quite frankly, I miss spirituality. I miss the community it brought. I miss the Dolorosa and working with Sutekh. I am beyond pissed that was forcibly taken from me, and even now, slowly but surely, I am trying to make my way back to where I was. Before making this post, I was ashamed. So horribly ashamed of myself and just filled with disgust and hatred. I also used to worship Aphrodite and to see her have been made a mockery of just breaks my heart

and its ok. 

I accept my normal now wasn’t the normal before. To expect my mind to just ignore everything that happened is stupid. That isn’t what healing is. Healing is... acceptance. Not of what happened, but of yourself. I will honor those that I used to by honoring myself and striving to create my own future free from those that wish me harm. 

[sunlight-moonrise]

The Law of Attraction (Reid Imagine)

Summary: Reader cannot understand how Spencer is in a relationship with someone who is his complete opposite. 

A/N: Hello Everyone!!! Here’s another story from the secret-fic-swap in the Discord server. I tried my hand at a new genre and I like how it came out. A big thank you to @imagining-in-the-margins​ for helping me make this real nice for y’all (this story was also written to her). Enjoy!

Category: Hurt/Comfort

Content Warnings: If you’re a fan of Max or Maxcer, this may not be the story for you. Sacrifices needed to be made for this story to be told. 

Word Count: 4.2K

Masterlist

The thought that the concept of ‘opposites attract’ was only true when it comes to physics. After all, the comparison of people to magnets doesn’t make any sense. If two people are together, there should be some similarities to build an established relationship, right? Without that foundation, the structure will surely crumble back into the fragmented pieces that created it, leaving them cracked and weaker for it.

Compatibility is necessary, yet there is none whenever I look at them. This is the fourth function that he has brought her to, and with each event, I find it harder to look their way. But when I do find them among the crowd, I can’t look away. Like a car crash or thunderstorm ripping tree roots from the ground.

It doesn’t make sense to me, why on earth would Spencer Reid be with a girl like her.

“If you keep staring at her, she might drop dead,” said a sarcastic voice, breaking me out of my reverie. I turned to see Tara with an amused smile occupying her face.

“I just don’t get it,” I mumbled, focusing my attention on the drink in my hand.

“What’s not to get?” she asked, glancing over at the couple in question. “They seem cute together.”

“They have nothing in common. He might as well be talking to some random person in this bar.”

I chugged the remainder of my beverage with desperate hope that the alcohol will somehow make things better in this situation. It didn’t.

“You sound bitter.”

“I am not bitter,” I bit back.

“I didn’t say you were, I said you sound.”

I didn’t respond to her because deep down I knew she was right. I just fiddled with the straw in my now empty glass as Tara continued, “Look, they both like coffee and going to the park, that’s something.”

I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped my throat at the thought.

“So do half the people on the administration floor, he might as well have a harem if those are the main qualifications.”

“So what type of person should Spencer Reid have?” she asked, an eyebrow arching up as she focused her attention on me.

“I don’t know. Someone who is family-oriented and loves kids. Someone who doesn’t judge him for his idiosyncrasies. Someone who listens to his rambles and actually responds to them. Someone who he can escape to when things get too tough. Someone who understands when to give him space but will continue to support him unconditionally. Someone who can challenge him and make each day exciting and interesting. Someone who can ke—”

“Whoa there, I didn’t think you were going to give me a whole novel.” If she thought that was a novel, then the rest of what I wanted to say would be considered an encyclopedia. The only one that Spencer would never read.  

“I just want him to be happy,” I relented.

It was the simple truth. Everyone deserves some sort of contentment in their life, but with everything that Spencer has gone through in the past, his happiness should be at the forefront. He always put others before himself. It was time that someone prioritizes his wants and needs for a change.

“And she doesn’t make him happy?”

Not in the slightest. 

But I didn’t want to say that. I was sure half of the team already thought, or knew, that I was infatuated with him. But I didn’t need to give them the satisfaction of a confirmation by talking about this any further. The looks that Tara had been giving me the past few minutes validated my belief that I didn’t need to dig myself into a deeper hole.

“Maybe,” I said, hoping to put an end to the topic.

But just then, I heard a laugh despite how noisy the place was. I knew without a doubt that was Spencer’s laugh – it was the only sound that would demand my attention that quickly. It was the one he used when he felt uncomfortable.

“Excuse me, Tara.”

I didn’t give her a chance to reply before I hopped off the barstool and made my way to where Spencer and his girl were as casually as possible. Jennifer and Penelope were also with them, and it seems as if the three ladies were doing most of the talking.

“….like kids someday?” I heard Pen say. I didn’t need to hear the beginning of the sentence to know what it was about.

“Ehh, certainly not. My nephew is a handful as is, I don’t think I need any more than that one in my life,” she laughed. She, of course, being the ever loving, ever annoying, Max. A quick glance at Spencer's face confirmed that he was bothered by the subject being discussed. If the rest of the ladies were a bit more sober, they’d probably have seen it too.

“Hey guys,” I interrupted, taking my previous seat next to JJ, “I ordered some water for us and some appetizers. Tara is going to bring it over when it is ready.”

Cheers and thank you were shouted across the small table, but there was only one face I cared to pay attention to. Spencer’s mouth was quirked in a sad smile that was meant to hide the discomfort that had already taken root in his heart like an invasive vine.

“Did you place my fries order?” Max asked, garnering my attention. As much as I wanted to ignore her, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t openly be a bitch to her, no matter how much she irked me. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Other than stealing the affections of a man I’d never actually pursued, that is. But I couldn’t really blame her for that one, right? I should’ve jumped on the opportunity before. It was my fault.

“Yup,” I answered quickly with a small fake smile before focusing on the wooden décor of the bar.

“So any plans for Halloween? Assuming we don’t get called in for a case of course,” JJ asked the table.

“There is this pop-up haunted house coming that weekend.” Spencer said, his voice laced with that childlike excitement that made my heart race, “It is near the annual fair, so I’m going to try and do both.”

“Awww, that’s a cute date idea.”

The table was silent for a moment before Max announced, “I probably won’t go. I am not a big fan of anything spooky or… horror. I’ll leave all of that to this guy.”

The table shared an awkward laugh in a poor attempt to lighten the mood.

“Anyway,” I coughed out, attempting to save this poor conversation, “you guys need to hear this terrible joke the bartender told me. So basically, this screwdriver walks into a bar….” and just like that, the topic had been changed.

Tara joined us shortly after and the conversation remained lighthearted for the remainder of the evening. We later said our farewells and readied ourselves to go back home. While I should’ve been sad to leave him, I couldn’t help but feel a bitter joy from the fact that Spencer and Max didn’t talk directly to each other for the rest of the night.

●●●

It’s been a couple of weeks since the last team outing. Rossi must’ve missed us, because he decided to host a dinner at his place to celebrate the ending of a long and tough case. No one was going to pass up the opportunity of free food and wine, especially after dealing with a bunch of cops and detectives with entire tree trunks up their asses.

I was the last to arrive, which was not surprising since I live the furthest away from Rossi. Krystall welcomed and settled me in while informing me where everyone was. What I assumed was a team gathering turned out to be a whole party. There were definitely more than two dozen people occupying the space.

Good god. 

“What’s all this?” I asked as I greeted Rossi in the, thankfully, empty kitchen. Because, of course, Rossi wouldn’t be Rossi if he didn’t take care of all the hors d'oeuvres himself.

“Krystall wanted to celebrate our anniversary,” he sighed, as if this ordeal was somehow troublesome. I had to roll my eyes; he wasn’t fooling anyone. We all knew that Rossi would move mountains for his wife.

Their love was pure and genuine, a perfect example of two people meeting again at the right time and sharing something wonderful with one another. As I reminisced on their beautiful wedding day, a thought came to my head.

“Isn’t your first anniversary coming up in a few months?”

“That’s for our second marriage, this is for the first.” Rossi simply stated with a proud smirk, as if it was standard to celebrate any and all anniversaries in life. I supposed that for him, it was.

“Why do I get the feeling that this was more your idea than Krystall’s?”

“Guilty.”

Classic. Well, I wasn’t going to tell a man what he should celebrate nor how to do so. I wasn’t going to ruin any opportunities to eat some fresh crostini.

Once I made my way back out into the main room, I was able to find my team within seconds. My eyes instantly landed on Spencer’s tall and lanky form. And I would’ve been excited for that, if it weren’t for the familiar woman standing beside him.

Max was there. Hooray.

Usually, I was able to properly prepare myself for seeing her. It actually, unfortunately, took a lot of effort to not be openly hostile to someone I dislike. It wasn’t something I was proud of, but it was true. Typically in a situation like this, I’d avoid the person all night. However, I wasn’t going to allow her presence to influence the night, much less stop me from spending time with one of my closest friends.

“Hey guys.”

“Ahh, you’re finally here,” squealed Penelope, “I already grabbed your favorite drink!” She stepped aside to make room for me in the small gathered circle before handing me the glass.

“So what did I miss?”

They all caught me up on the harmless gossip circulating around the office and the new happenings emerging in everyone’s lives. Everything was going well until I heard the next words from Max, words that felt like a bucket of ice water and lead being poured over my head.

“Well, Spencer and I are moving in together.”

Time slowed down, I was sure it had. Because I was able to gauge everything in a matter of seconds. Tara’s concerning glance my way, her hand reaching out and retreating as if to hold me. Penelope’s joyful appearance over the news, her arms rising quickly causing her wine to slightly spill on Rossi’s floor. Matt expressing congratulations as he roughly patted Spencer on the back.

And Spencer….

Spencer looked like he rather be anywhere but here. His lips were drawn in a too tight smile that I knew was far from authentic. He was tapping his heel against the floor and wringing his hands together.

If this was merry news from the two of them, why did he look like he swallowed a spiked fruit?

The loud clanging of metal against glass brought everyone’s attention to the noisy source. Time returned back to its normal pace at Rossi’s call, thanking everyone for joining in on the celebration and announcing that the food was ready in the dining room.

While everyone cheered and made their way towards the ornate display, I headed to the balcony. It was too hot, too stuffy, too loud inside the house. There was one too many people there.

As soon as I passed through the double doors, I took a deep breath of cool, refreshing air. Everything around me felt muffled. Like I had stumbled into a small pocket universe that only differed from ours by a few notches on the volume knob.

I was thinking too many things, and none of them adding up or making sense in my head. How do you move in with someone you’ve only known for such a short amount of time? What was he going to do with his apartment? With his personal belongings that were scattered and settled on crowded shelves? Why did he look so uncomfortable when she announced it? Did he not want us to know? Did he want to say it himself?

“What are you doing out here?”

As if being brought back to reality by the very same hypnotist who enchanted me in the first place, I became aware that I was not the only one on the balcony. I turned to look at Spencer, taking in his disheveled and tired appearance.

“I just needed some space. I was feeling a bit crowded.” It wasn’t a lie, but my companion and I both knew there was a lot more than just that. Trying to keep the attention off me, I asked, “What are you doing here?”

“Checking on you. I saw you come out here dressed like that and wondered what would drag you out into the freezing cold.”

Now that he mentioned it, the breeze was hitting hard. I didn’t notice my body trembling until now. It is funny how you can’t feel much when lost in your own thoughts. The pain was a welcome distraction, I supposed.

Spencer stood next to me and shrugged off the suit jacket he was wearing. I opened my mouth to refuse, but he gave me a pointed look before I could. Instead, I accepted the warm jacket over my body. The scent of cinnamon and spice immediately enveloped my form and I tried to hide the way my inhales grew deeper. Trying to keep him as close as I could for however long he would allow. He kept his hands on my arms, rubbing them up and down the sleeves of the jacket to instill some heat in me.  

“So whatever happened to taking it slow?” I asked bluntly, keeping my eyes on the interesting speck of dirt that had ended up on my shoe. I didn’t feel bad about getting to the point -- There was no way I could subtly ask him what the deal was, and I’d rather not beat around the bush.

“Well, after the whole situation that happened, sh— we decided to pick up the pace of things,” he spoke lowly, as if he was unsure of the words coming out of his mouth.

“Has she even met Diana? Or know about her?” I instantly regretted asking, the angry look he shot my way had me feeling remorseful. But it also answered my question.

Max only knew the surface level of Spencer. She wasn’t aware of all the good, bad, beautiful, and ugly layers that comes with a man like him. She wasn’t the only one to blame, but I wondered how a profiler couldn’t tell that he was hiding those parts from her because he didn’t want to share them with her. He didn’t want her to know, because the knowing made it real.

“I just want the best for you.”

His irritated expression dissolved into a defeated one as he released the breath he was holding.

“I know, I know. It’s just…”

He stopped talking, appearing scared to share his opinions and feelings with me before he remembered that, unlike Max, he never had to hide things from me. He didn’t want to.

“It’s just…” I prodded, hoping he would continue with what he was going to say.

But he just stayed stuck there, opening and closing his mouth multiple times. I could practically see the cogs in his brain whirling as he properly tried to explain. “Well, the thing is that Ma—”

“Spencer?”

We sharply turned our heads to see Max and Tara staring at us. It wasn’t until that moment that I remembered our position. With Spencer’s hands rubbing tenderness heat onto my arms, his jacket over my shoulders and our bodies pressed together to keep warm.

It would be one thing if everything was settled, but this situation was anything but. Max had every reason to be angry. This wasn’t a new thing to her. So when she turned around, she stomped away fueled by the belief that she’d nearly caught her boyfriend committing adultery. Again.

“Fuck,” I heard the man in front of me whisper as he released me back into the cold night.

Still, as he left, he looked back at me. His eyes burned into mine up until he tore them away, making his final decision and hastily running from the balcony. Away from me. Towards her.

Tara and I shared the silence, but she looked at me with those inquisitive eyes, as if I was a client seeking out therapy from her.  

“What?” I hissed, “We were just talking.” I refused to feel guilty over something that I didn’t do. If anyone had done anything, it was Spencer. But at the same time, I didn’t think he was entirely wrong, either.  

“I didn’t say anything,” she muttered, holding her hands up high as a sign of surrender.

“You didn’t have to, I can feel the judgment from here.”

“Look, I’m not judging you. But I do want you to put yourself in Max’s shoes. You guys were gone for a while and she finds you two all over each other.”

“What are you talking about, Tara? Christ, it’s not like I was fucking him on the balcony!”

Although I didn’t intend for my words to be humorous, Tara laughed. I was conflicted on whether it was at me or with me, but it ended up amounting to nothing, anyway.

“Look, the night is young and you need to relax. Come back inside, enjoy the party, and don’t let them bring you down. At least for the next few hours.”

She was right, as she usually was. It was why I usually sought her out as the voice of reason; I knew that despite everything, she would always have my best interest at heart.

“Okay,” I agreed before following her back into the chaotic fray.

I heeded her advice and avoided the couple for the remainder of the night. Shockingly, it was pretty easy, but I was sure it was because they were avoiding me too. There were times, lots of times, where Spencer and I made eye contact, but we’d just as quickly look away, as if we were ashamed of what we have done.

All we did was talk. So why did it feel like something more?

There were also times when I made eye contact with Max, but instead of shame, there was anger and contempt. If looks could kill, like Tara had suggested, I was sure my heart would have given out.

It wasn’t until later in the evening that I saw Max take a cab home while Spencer was still inside the house. No one else but me noticed that they didn’t leave the party together.

●●●

I hadn’t seen Spencer since the incident at Rossi’s a few weeks ago. He had to take his mandatory sabbatical leave and I had to take an abrupt trip back home. What used to be almost daily texts between us became nonexistent in a matter of hours. It was a terrible predicament that I was hoping to fix soon.

As I arrived, I spotted him at his desk. For a long time, I stood there staring at him. If he wasn’t nose deep in a bunch of files, I was sure he would’ve seen me, too. I contemplated on how I should go up to him, but nothing I could think of was good enough to say. 

Hey, I have your jacket, I took it to the dry cleaner’s, so it is all clean. Rid of me like you wanted to be. 

Hi, how were the lectures this time around? Still have a bunch of teens crushing on you?

What’s up, it’s been a while, do you want to get lunch during the break?

I hated that things were awkward, even though I was pretty sure that I was the only one that was making it so. I should have just gone up to him, greeted him, and acted like everything was normal, because everything was normal. Right?

Just when I was about to do so, Emily called us in for a meeting. Impeccable timing.

We had a serial killer case in Louisville, Kentucky. My situation with Spencer was going to the backburner.

During our stay in Louisville, Spencer and I barely interacted. We exchanged notes and passed long messages, but that’s pretty much it. I wasn’t surprised. Our specialties don’t really correlate when we are working on a case. Anytime I did catch some free time, I’d look his way, longing for the opportunity to speak to him. He didn’t look back.

Then, just as the case ended, another chance presented itself. After five days of hardly any proper rest, we finally found the unsub. Everyone was in their respective room catching up on some much needed sleep. Except for Spencer, whose gangly body was tucked away at the bar by himself, a glass of what appeared to be soda in front of him.

Silently, I took the seat next to him, and for a few minutes, everything was quiet. But unlike the usual, comfortable quiet, it was torturous.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

I stared at him, letting the silent communication denote the fact that I knew he was lying to me. Spencer released a sigh and looked at me with eyes more intoxicating than any whiskey that shared their color.

“Actually, no, I’m not okay.”

I was going to ask him what was wrong or if there was anything I could do to help, but before I had the chance to do so, he hastily answered the question I hadn’t asked.

“Max and I broke up.”

I stared at him, my face and mind blank as I tried to comprehend what he’d said. That Max and Spencer broke up. They were no longer together. Spencer was single.

I thought that if this ever happened, I would be happy, elated, jumping at the chance to take her place by his side. But I felt none of those things.

“What happened?” I didn’t want to appear nosy or meddlesome, but I needed to know.

“We were fighting a lot, and I couldn’t take it.”

“Oh.”

“We were… actually fighting about you.”

I sharply turned my head at him, both intrigued and disturbed by the implication that I had anything to do with the failure of their relationship.

“What? What about me?”

“She thought I liked you,” he said while staring straight back at me, daring me to scan through each fleck of gold and green to ensure that he was telling the truth. But his hazel eyes expressed nothing but honesty as he continued, “and she was right. I do.”

“Y-you do?”

All he could do was nod his head, lifting his hand and catching a loose strand of hair before tucking it behind my ear.

“Can I try something?” Spencer shyly requested.

Once again, the universe felt different. I held my breath, trying to wake from the dream. Although he didn’t say it, I had an idea of what he wanted. If the hand on the side of my face and the staring at my lips were anything to go by, I knew what was going to happen next.

I nodded back and closed my eyes. A few seconds passed, the sweetest kind of anticipation. But then I felt the gentle pressure of his lips against my own, sweet and tender. He moved his head to get a better angle while I brought my hands up to cup his face. The roughness of his stubble against the tip of my fingers was a perfect contrast to the softness of him. I could taste the soda he was drinking on his tongue and breathed in the cinnamon scent that seemed sunken into his skin.

When we pulled away, it was full of hesitation. All it took was one look for us to know we couldn’t do this. Not now, not yet. He was still healing from the recent break up and I didn’t want to be a rebound. I didn’t want us to resent one another for jumping into a relationship so soon. We weren’t ready.

We sat there in relative silence, taking in everything that has happened.

“Maybe one day,” he paused “one day we can give it a chance.”

“Yes. I’d like that.” I beamed at him, “And I look forward to that day. Until then, we remain as friends.”

He returned my smile and I realized that it had been a while since I’ve seen his real smile. I missed it so much.

“Friends,” he confirmed.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt relief and comfort. Because I knew everything was going to be okay. I had hope that someday Spencer will get the happily ever after he deserves and he’ll get it with me by his side. One day.

[shihalyfie]

What went down with the DigiFes situation, from the community and translator perspective

I think the events of the last few days have gotten everyone in a huge fuss, and because everything got caught up in a lot of chaotic social media stuff, there’s been a lot of questions about what came from what and who knew what at what time. Fortunately, I happen to be:

Someone who’s a veteran in this fanbase and thus has a small handful of friends in this community, who also have their own friends

Someone who understands a little Japanese (although not as much as others in this community do) and therefore can read things in Japanese myself to some degree without needing someone else to translate it for me

So hopefully I can shed some light on what kinds of things were being discussed, and what was known and not known at what time in this fanbase with all of this.

The most important thing I want to establish is that there was no organized coalition or smear campaign. (Kind of ironic I have to say this when the topic at hand has so much to do with conspiracy theories.) I’m a veteran, I know friends who are veterans, they know other friends who are veterans but don’t know me at all. My friends usually agree with and like the same things I do, and I give them advice and assistance with my skillset when I can, and they return the favor. We pass things along through the grapevine, not through some super-secret club grapevine, just via the nature of social relationships and some Discord servers (multiple; again, not everyone knows each other). So these are my impressions of what happened, based on said grapevine.

How it all started

Konaka’s blog is long. Like, really long. Which is only natural, because he was recapping basically the entire 51 episodes of Tamers in excruciating detail, so no translator in this fanbase would be able to translate all of that and not lose their mind! So for the most part people who couldn’t read Japanese had pretty much given up on reading it (with maybe a few dedicated people using machine translation), and some people who understood Japanese would point out parts they found interesting, but for all intents and purposes it remained untranslated and not super-accessible to the mainstream. (Even the Japanese fanbase itself wasn’t super aware of the blog’s existence.)

So when that first post in May about 9/11 dropped, the people who did read Japanese started going “uh...”

At the time, the DigiFes stage reading hadn't been announced yet. So, in other words, everyone reading it only knew it as, functionally, him namedropping an alt-right YouTuber and praising his observations. The reaction from anyone reading the blog at the time was something along the lines of “disappointed and mildly concerned.” (Note the mildly.)

The posts in June about the Great Reset and the anti-vaccine sentiment were when people keeping an eye on the situation started to get really worried about how far this was going to escalate. At this point, I want to make something clear that may not be apparent to those who weren’t keeping up or who are outside the fanbase: Most of the translators and Japanese-reading people deliberately chose not to be too public about this at this time.

Why?

This is the irony surrounding the fact that said translators are now being accused of trying to further “cancel culture”: cancellation was absolutely not what anyone wanted back then! If anyone wanted to create a smear campaign, 9/11 conspiracies, the Great Reset, and anti-vaccine statements are already more than enough to make a starting case. But at the time, this was a blog that very few people (Japanese or otherwise) knew about, translating it would basically just boost its platform more than it would have had in the first place (which would be counterproductive), and -- well, let’s be real, it’s not hard to imagine that people might get reactionary over it, and people would go nuts. Was there any real benefit that would come out of that? Not really, no.

So at the most, those keeping an eye on it might have vented a bit on their personal accounts, but some even tried to self-censor with “[redacted]” or vagueposting, because this was a matter that needed to be handled with delicacy. Thus, there were “mild rumors through the grapevine” about what was going on, but those who knew were trying to hold back with restraint and mostly inform people quietly in the hopes of this not needing to become some kind of huge social media campaign.

(Also, to be a bit blunt about it, it’s really hard to be in front of someone who loves Tamers and is gushing about it and showing admiration for Konaka, knowing all of this and wanting to say something, but feeling like a jerk if you pop their bubble like “also, he’s probably an alt-right conspiracy theorist now.” Not to say that the ignorance-is-bliss concept is always a good thing, but...)

But since the blog posts in question were discussing the prospect of having his sentiments in fiction, everyone reading them was on edge anticipating what might be in store for DigiFes. The hope was that it might blow over. Hopefully, everything would be in the form of subtle themes with plausible deniability, it would all stay within the realm of “it’s not worth causing a fuss over this,” that would be the end of it, and we’d all move on with our lives.

Unfortunately, “Political Correctness is activating Cancel Culture” isn’t exactly subtle.

DigiFes and the aftermath

I think it’s too easy to assign too much responsibility to the fansub group that was indirectly responsible for breaking the news for all of this, but actually, the truth is, this would have gotten out anyway.

Even when the stream itself was going on, there were Japanese livebloggers, and there were also English speakers who caught on that something was happening with “the Tamers fighting political correctness”. Some hours later, an upload of the stream went live on YouTube, and quite a few people started watching it and caught onto what was going on. If the fansub group that released the now-infamous version hadn’t done it, I’m absolutely certain someone else would have eventually (perhaps in a different language first, but nevertheless). And even before then, information about what the hell was going on was already starting to circulate in broken and incomplete forms. That fansub solidified what was going on, and perhaps accelerated the moment the bomb dropped on everyone, but if it hadn’t been there, it would have happened much more gradually and chaotically.

On top of that, while the use of Western alt-right rhetoric (seriously, please do not try to bring the “injecting Western politics into Japanese media” argument here when all of us are asking him to take the Western politics out) meant that it went over most of the Japanese audience’s heads (hence your answer to “who approved this?”), there was at least one Japanese person who was politically savvy enough to call it out for what it was in disgust. (I’m not linking them here because I’m not dumb enough to fling them in a place where some of you trigger-happy people will go after them.) They didn’t even need to be super in-tune with Western politics to get it; they understood enough to tell that there were some pretty alarming extremist views in there. If they understood that much, it was naturally going to follow that the Western side was definitely going to become aware one way or another.

Even all that aside, at the very least, said fansub is accurate; imagine how much worse this situation would have been if someone else had taken it up and confused things further with a misleading translation, or, worse, deliberately messed with the contents. Basically, this debacle could have easily been a lot worse.

I don’t think anyone expected this to get as big as it did (as in, to the point mainstream anime reporters outside the fanbase picked up on it). There was a similar tri. reading back in 2016, but even a lot of the hardcore fanbase barely remembers it exists! These aren’t even supposed to be canon, either! But when you have that disclaimer at the front, and the contents are really like that, it was probably inevitable for it to become a social media sensation. I mean the contents...sure are a thing.

One thing I should point out about the disclaimer is that it only mentions the program itself. It doesn’t bring up the blog, and it doesn’t bring up who wrote this scenario, just the fact that the program contains alt-right rhetoric and conspiracy theories. Because it does! It’s not even technically praising or condemning the content within, it just says “we don’t agree with it”! What the group did condemn was...approaching staff about it (and especially starting a fight). Because, in the end, that’s what the disclaimer was for: a heads-up about what was in there, and an added reminder that the people translating this are just translating it for the sake of informational purposes. Or, in other words:

It was a content warning. Even without the disclaimer, there were many, many people who would have recognized the contents for what they were and been caught by it unawares, and become upset by it. There were many people who said that they were glad to have that there because it at least gave them some time to mentally prepare for what they were about to be slapped with!

It really, really was a disclaimer. When you have something that level of extremely politically charged stuff, it’s only natural to start suspecting that the translation group had an agenda (official translations tend to get this a lot when content is remotely political). But no, the translation group did their due diligence, even if their opinions were starkly opposed to what was in there.

I was not personally involved in that translation, but I’ll give you this (copy-pasted with permission, from someone who wasn’t technically involved directly in it but was privy to discussions while it was being done):

no we brought up all of those questions like the fact that Yamaki's clearly off his rocker and this isn't supposed to be taken seriously in the first place or that maybe if we're lucky he'll just sound like a fake woke boomer but no matter how you slice it the plot is about him "convincing" the unbelieving Takato and co. into rallying up against the true enemy of Political Correctness and that's just literally the alt-right playbook in a nutshell

the thing even made it to YouTube, we were basically racing against the clock

I mean I really want to say this is plausible deniability but I don’t know how you can get any less subtle than this, this is not something you can mince words

like I really wish we could pass this off as “as long as you don’t know the blog you can take this innocently as political commentary or something” but I honestly don’t think this is something you can take innocently even without context

tbh the Political Correctness part is the most cringeworthy but Yamaki’s rant about fact checkers being evil and all that is probably a lot more worrying when you think about it

tbh I’ve never felt as conflicted about what’s the right thing to do as I do now

So in other words, it was not a reckless decision to just tack on a political label; it was done after a lot of consideration about the consequences to put the label on and what people would think of it with or without context, whether there might be a glimmer of light possibility to try and pass this off as more innocuous as it was, and eventually a determination that, in the end, there was indeed alt-right rhetoric in the program, and should be labeled accordingly.

The result was that, of course, everything broke out on social media, chaos burst out, a lot of hearts were unfortunately broken, and a lot of alt-righters started invading spaces accusing people of proving him right with cancel culture. Ironically, my personal observation is that, while there were exceptions, most people in the actual fanbase did honor the requests to not harass people about it, and this may actually be the most solidarity I’ve ever seen from the Digimon fanbase in my life, which is saying a lot considering how we usually tend to be a drama magnet most of the time. The ones who were actually directly messaging him were his newfound supporters locking down on offering him “support against people trying to cancel him” (I think they were more heartbroken and upset at him than anything...), and most of the harassment came from alt-righters not even in the fanbase, namesearching and sending harassing, accusatory messages to anyone involved for as much as expressing mild dismay. (You want to talk about harassment and being attacked for having an opinion? Pot, meet kettle.)

This leads us back to the question of the blog: if you’ll remember, I just said that the fansub in question did not bring it up at all. That’s because, at the beginning, there was no intention to bring it up if it wasn’t necessary; this was not intended as a smear campaign. The warning was attached to the DigiFes program because it was about the DigiFes program. But the resulting chaos had a lot of people bring up the blog because it better contextualized what was going on, and discussion led to people looking it up themselves and posting fragments of it on social media, sometimes even using machine translate.

Ultimately, that’s the reason this document was released: it was the same reason as the fansub being released at the time it was, which was “if it hadn’t been released, the alternative was watching things get disseminated more slowly and chaotically.” I will say outright that I was one of the people who got to lay eyes on that document before it was publicly released (and even helped out with some advice here and there); it’s no secret that it was being quietly passed around as an internal memo prior to the outbreak. The original version of the document had a request to not post it on public social media because of the chaos it would cause, and while I don’t know how many people got to see it before it was released, I’m under the impression that it was enough people that I was quite surprised everyone who saw it respected that request.

Why does the document contain a ton of analysis and debunking on top of just the translations? Well, when you’re translating those blog posts, you’re technically giving it a bigger platform (which was one of the reasons it was originally considered better to not post it publicly). Since the document exists primarily to inform people, especially about why certain things that may seem innocuous actually have wider context behind them, it’s going to need to contain an analysis like that.

The summary

There were a lot of decisions involved by a lot of different people through all parts of this ordeal. I think it’s fair to criticize whether they were the right decisions in retrospect or whether certain things should have been done slightly differently (including my small role in this), but nevertheless, it was one where the risks involved were thought through and taken into account in every step of the situation, with a desire to avoid chaos, or at least prevent it from getting too much worse. When you have contents like this, a controversy honestly is inevitable -- how on earth are you going to be able to put contents like Yamaki reciting off all the typical alt-right YouTuber talking points and ending in Political Correctness activating Cancel Culture and not expect that to make a stir at some point? -- and so, in the end, this wasn’t so much a conscious attempt at stirring the pot as much as it was the dam finally breaking, and a desire to keep it from spilling over too much. Nobody coordinated this! I think everyone just really hates drama.

Knowing all the steps and thoughts that went on behind all of this, I think being reactionary or accusatory for clout is the last thing anyone involved wanted to be. Considering just how many of these steps above could have easily been made into exposure, from the posts all the way back in May and June to the internal memo document that was made to keep friends quietly informed but could have been leaked to the public with only one bad actor, there was an active, common desire among people who didn’t even know each other to try and minimize the potential damage as much as possible. When you look at the situation now, of course it looks awful and hardly like something that came out of “trying to minimize damage”, but in reality there’s only so much you can do when the contents really are like that, and I personally believe everyone involved was doing what they thought was their best option as the situation kept changing.

I can’t speak for anyone else, especially since I don’t even know most of the people involved, and I didn’t have much of a role in all of this, but I think everyone involved, myself and my friends and everyone who’d been keeping tabs on this situation for months, has been going through a lot of heartbreak and conflict over what to do next, so please understand that there was a lot of thought put into all of it, and that it really was a difficult situation no matter how you look at it.

[dameronology]

sorry seems to be the hardest word {poe x reader}

summary: with the war over, poe has a little too much time to think. more specifically, he has too much time to think about you.

warnings; swearing, angst (but eventual fluff!) 

 i have a lecture at 9am and here i am at 2am, producing this shit content for u all. enjoy xx 

- jazz

You passed each other in the hallway sometimes.

Nobody would have known. Not a single person would have guessed that behind your professional nods and quick glances, that years of history lay untouched between the two of you. Early mornings, filled with rays of pink and yellow sunshine, fingers dancing across bare skin and as you laughed together, revelling in nothing but the highs of pure love. Then there had been the nights; they were undeniably colder, a shadow cast over the galaxy as the darkness forced people to face the horrors of war. You couldn’t see anything, not even a foot in front of you – but you could reach your hand out, and you knew that Poe Dameron would take it.  He was there. He was always there.

And then he wasn’t.

You knew it wasn’t his fault, nor was it yours. The Resistance needed both of you, but he’d been the one to call the shots on your relationship – and it had only been a matter of time, really. It was clear that things were going to come to head eventually and Poe had been the one to pull the trigger. You were important to him – perhaps the most paramount thing in his life – but none of it would have mattered if you lost the war. Secretly, he kind of hoped that he could just put a pin in it for later and win you back when the galaxy wasn’t batshit crazy.

Later was now. Poe was a general – your boss, actually – and you were a commander for one of the New Republic fleets. He saw you ten or twenty times a day in passing, chattering with your squad or delivering mission reports. Everything he loved about you was still there; your poise, your professionalism, your biting tongue and wit. And yet, all he got these days was a curt nod or a hope you’re doing well, general.  

To give credit where credit was due, Poe had tried to get your attention. He’d made many attempts to win you back without ever actually saying it: you were the first person he promoted after the war, and you always got the good missions. He never chased you up for paperwork and surely, you must have noticed that you were always assigned the most high-tech jets. It felt as though he were screaming into the void, throwing out everything he could and hoping that you would get the message.

But you never did. Or, if you did get it, you were ignoring it. Your icy demeanour never changed, nor did your attitude towards him. Poe witnessed you in action every day – in the air and on the ground, with blasters and with words – and with each passing one, he was certain that he was still in love with you. His distance from you was simply a reminder that he’d hurt you, as though to say congrats, you fucked up! Nice one, asshole.  

That brings us to now: specifically, early on a Tuesday morning, outside of your office. Poe, having reached breaking point, finally decided that he was just going to straight up tell you – or maybe he was asking you. Whatever it was, he knew that he had to get his feelings off his chest. If the war had taught him anything, it was that there was no time to roll over and let things pass. Even if you rejected him entirely, at least he could walk away knowing he’d tried.

Taking a deep breath, Poe raised his hand and knocked on your door twice. He knew that your schedule that day was clear – he’d made sure it was. You’d found it a little suspicious that your usual weekly meeting had suddenly been moved but you hadn’t questioned it. You were already running around doing a thousand different things.

‘One second!’ You called. There was a light shuffling sound, and after the fall of your boots against the ground, you swung the door open. ‘Poe – hi! General Dameron, sorry.’

‘I hate when you call me general.’ Poe groaned. (You found that to be quite ironic, because there had been many times when he’d demanded that you call him that – but that probably wasn’t relevant. Moving on.)

‘Right.’ You raised an eyebrow. ‘What can I do for you?’

‘Can we talk?’

‘We’re talking now.’

‘That’s not what I….’ his eyes fell to the floor. For someone who was usually so confident, he’d certainly lost his swagger. ‘Can I just come in?’

You stepped aside, gesturing for Poe to come inside. Your office was quintessentially you; organised, but homely. You had a neat stack of papers on your desk and a few photos lining the walls. Most of them were of you with your friends; you and Rose at Canto Bight, you and Snap beside his X-Wing, you and Leia laughing together. His favourite one, however, was one of you and him with Rey and Finn; it had been taken on Hoth, and you were all bundled up beside Threepio, who was wearing a beanie you had terribly knitted. It had been one of the hardest weeks the Resistance had seen, but you were all stood there with your arms linked, smiling at the camera despite everything.

You were the only thing that had got Poe through the war. He knew it then and he certainly knew it now.

‘You’re in luck.’ You said, dropping into your desk chair. ‘My morning meeting got cancelled.’

‘Yeah, I know.’ Poe sat opposite you. ‘I was the one who moved it.’

You thinned your eyes at him. ‘Why?’

‘Because…look, I’m just gonna give it to you straight.’ He rested his palms on the table in front of you. ���I’ve been trying for months to get your attention. I’ve been giving you the best missions and the best jets and Finn has been on my ass about it but I was hoping it might get you to look at me.’

‘Poe, I-‘

‘- I know, it’s stupid.’ He continued. He rambled when he was nervous. ‘I thought that it might get you to talk to me again.’

‘I…’ you couldn’t quite find the words. ‘I’m not ignoring you. I’m just treating you like a colleague.’

‘And that’s the worst part!’ Poe shot back. ‘Because…we’re not just colleagues. Every time I look at you, I remember how you used to make me feel and it’s fucking killing me.’

You peered up at him, a small sigh escaping your lips. ‘The promotion.’

‘What?’

‘Was that because I deserved it or because you were trying to win me back?’

‘Shit.’ Poe murmured, heading dropping into his hands.

‘Poe.’ You leant forward, practically growling his name.

‘You know I wouldn’t do that.’ He pushed his hair back, brown eyes finally meeting yours. ‘You deserved that more than anyone.’

‘This is fucking crazy.’ You couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief. ‘You broke my heart six months ago and now you’re here, in my office at 7am, telling me that what I thought was just my good luck has been entirely your doing.’

‘I didn’t know what else to do.’ Poe admitted. ‘I just…I am so fucking in love with you. Hurting you was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.’

You didn’t mean to falter. It was just that you’d been longing to hear him say for it so long and you hadn’t even realised it. In forcing yourself not to think about him, you hadn’t taken a moment to think about the possibility of getting back together. You didn’t want to let your mind wander in that direction, especially after all the hurt you’d felt the first time.

And now, he’d come in all guns blazing. Classic Poe, really.

‘So why did you do it?’ You quietly asked. ‘Why did you end it in the first place if you’re so in love with me?’

‘I was scared.’ Poe admitted. ‘I felt so helpless that ending it myself made me feel like I had some kind of control.’

‘Hey, Poe?’

He looked up, eyes suddenly full of hope. ‘Yeah?’

‘That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.’

And then he deflated.

‘I know.’

You shook your head, giving him a small smile. ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘I’ve missed you too.’ He said. ‘So much. I know I see you every day but…I want to be with you. Those weird nods in the hallway and sideways glances just don’t quite do it for me.’

Your initial reaction had been to jump at the chance – to leap across the table and take your lips in his, making up for months of lost time there and then. On the other hand, you had to be realistic. He’d hurt you before and by taking him back, you were giving the power to do it all over again. That was a level of trust you weren’t sure you were ready for.

But it was Poe. It was your Poe – and you knew that no matter what had happened, his intention had never been to hurt you. Rather, it had been to protect you. It was a decision he’d made in catastrophically poor judgement, but the war had made everyone do stupid things. You hadn’t made it out the other side without your fair share of embarrassing stories.

If you did give him another chance – and if it went well? You could have everything. You’d have Poe by your side again (not that he’d ever really left). The future you used to talk about as a distraction from the war could become a reality. You could have your partner-in-crime back, your ride or die.

All it took was you overlooking the fact he’d hurt you.

Slowly reaching your hand out towards his, you intertwined your fingers with Poe’s. They still fit perfectly; warm and snug, as familiar as though you’d been holding one another just yesterday.

‘Dinner. Tomorrow night.’ You said.

Poe jolted up in his seat. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Dead serious.’ You shot back. ‘I’m…I’m a little hesitant, but I know you didn’t mean to hurt me the way you did.’

‘I could never hurt you intentionally.’ His grip on your hands tightened. ‘That doesn’t change the fact I did but I promise – I swear on everything I have – that this will be worth it.’

You gave him a watery smile. ‘I know.’

link to the discord server

[eveningstar1516]

Rise of the Demon King ~ Chapter 11

Rise of the Demon King

Fic: Multi Chapter Paring: MC x Everyone (Mostly Lucifer) Type: Angst with a Happy Ending Total Word Count: 26,758 TW: Major Character Death, Reader gets stabbed with a sword through their chest so..., Abusive Parents, Past Child Abuse, Demon Hunters, Loss of Control Summary: You’ve done it. You’ve finally done it. You’ve managed to anger the demon king. Now you hold your head high as he hands down your sentence. AO3 Portal: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065362 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A/N: I gotta Discord server guys! It's primarily Obey Me but other fandoms are welcome as well. It's kinda baby and dead so me and the other members are looking to revive it and we'd love for you to come join us. A roleplay area is included :) https://discord.gg/F3YEmDZCPS Please remember to read and accept the rules once you join for access to all the channels. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Previously:

After that day, Beel would take responsibility for waking the youngest whenever he slept for too long and Belphie took responsibility for making sure Beel ate whenever he was awake. From that day forward, you’d never find one twin without the other close by. Their relationship strengthened, one relying on the other. Always being there when needed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHAPTER 11 - 2 Realms, 2 Families (2003 words)

Making my way up the palace steps, I took notice of the lack of angels tending the gardens or palace. Oh well, I thought to myself. It is still too early for any of them to get to work. Michael led me through the castle towards the throne room. It was the same route we took on my first day here, only this time, I had a sneaking suspicion that it was about to be my last. Stopping in front of the door, Michael announced our presence and waited for the angels inside to open the doors for us. I’ve been in the throne room a small handful of times since my first day. Today, however, the atmosphere felt a little off. Normally, one would feel a sense of dread walking into this room, as it usually meant punishment. All ceremonies took place in the garden, the throne room being deemed as an unofficial courtroom. Today the atmosphere felt almost, denser than usual. Michael and I made our way towards the throne and kneeled before Father.

“Rise”

Both of us responded with a “Thank you Father” as we stood. God turned to face me.

“I apologize for calling for you this late. I do hope I didn’t wake you.”

“Not to worry Father, I was actually up finishing this week's work when Michael came to get me. If I may ask, why did you want to see me?”

“I called you to make an offer. I have observed how you ran the council this past millennium. I’ve seen your leadership and your dedication to your job. I’d like to offer you a permanent spot on the council.”

“Father, I’m sure-”

“I’m well aware of our initial deal. Bear in mind that this will not impede on your ability to see the Sins again. As head of the council, it will be your job to oversee business in the Devildom as Michael had been while you were here. You will be able to travel between the realms for business and visit the brothers while you’re there.”

“But I’d have to return and continue serving you, won’t I?”

“That is correct. You are a unique individual Y/N. You are a human with the blood of a fallen, you accepted the demons and was still elevated to the Celestial realm. As such, you have experience from all three realms. This is a powerful tool to have.”

“For you. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I am not interested in staying, nor am I interested in allowing you access to this “tool” as you so crudely labelled my experience. I made it abundantly clear that I serve you under the condition that I return once Lord Diavolo has been crowned. As the Father of the Celestials, I expect that your promises would be kept. Unless that is your telling me I’d have more luck trusting a demon if I wanted promises kept?”

“Y/N! While you’re here, you still serve Father. You cannot speak to him like that!”

“I’m not wrong though am I? If that is all, I’d like to get some rest before reporting in. Good evening, or should I say morning?” I didn’t wait for a response as I bowed to Father and walked out of the throne room without so much of a glance back.

“I apologize Father. I will see that they don’t speak that way to you again.”

“That’s quite alright Michael.”

“Father?”

“I find it to be one of their more enduring qualities. They don’t take anything from anyone, regardless of their position. It’s a valuable trait to have, if used correctly.”

“Father, you weren’t really going to cement their position as the leader of the council, were you?”

“No, I knew they wouldn’t have agreed anyway. I wanted to test them. By offering the position permanently, they would have gained an abundance of power and authority.”

“Instead they turned it down to be with Samael and his brothers. I still don’t understand what they see in them.”

“It would be wise to re-think your opinion on Lucifer and his family. Contrary to what you think, they haven’t changed much. If you looked at it from an outsider's perspective, perhaps you’ll find that they’re still very much angelic.”

“Are you seriously telling me that with a straight face? I appreciate your suggestion Father, however, I highly doubt my opinion on them could change.”

“I am not telling you to change your thoughts about them overnight.” Standing up God stepped down and put a firm hand on Michael’s shoulder.

“I’m just reminding you that Pride is a sin.” God exited the throne room towards his personal chambers leaving a perplexed Michael standing in the throne room.

“I’m not prideful.” Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he was wrong.

~3 Months Later~

“That is all for today. Does anyone else have anything that needs to be brought to attention before we leave?” I looked around the council table and took note of Azrael's continued absence. The angel of death was called for a quick meeting with God before the start of this meeting and had yet to return.

“Alright then. This meeting is adjourned. If anyone has anything they’d like to drop off, I’ll be working by the fountain." The council of 7 stood and started chatting amongst themselves as I packed up and left. A few weeks into leading the council, I found that much like the Devildom, I couldn’t find much peace anywhere indoors. As such, I turned to the gardens, in particular, the stone fountain. It reminded me of the one in my old village square back on earth and found a sense of peace here. I’m guessing the other angels got the hint of me needing some peace and quiet to complete my work as I’ve never been disturbed while I worked here. Anywhere else though, and it’s anyone’s game.

About halfway through my work, I decided it was a good time to take a break and get something to eat. Making my way to the makeshift kitchen area in the council building, I passed by Azrael and Michael conversing with each other. We exchanged some polite hello’s when something Azrael said caught my attention.

“I apologize for not making the meeting. There was an issue with a soul’s candle that was fluctuating that I had to deal with.”

“Fluctuating? I was under the impression that a soul’s candle can only slowly burn until the soul’s time runs out and the candle burns out or someone snuffs them out. How can a candle fluctuate?”

“It’s more like the candle was shifting, evolving. The flame itself is fine but the stick itself was changing. You see, the flame is just that, a flame that will never burn out until its designated time, or if as you put it, someone snuffs it out. It’s the stick that holds most of the magic. The type of wax used identifies the soul, its nature, and where it’s destined. Only angels of death, or reapers, can tamper with the stick and alter it, however, it seems this stick is changing itself without outside interference from myself or another reaper.”

“The stick is evolving on its own and this is a cause for concern because this type of thing shouldn’t be possible and has never happened before?”

“Essentially.”

“What did you do about it?”

“For now, nothing. We’ve tried manually altering it ourselves but it keeps rejecting the change. I have a junior reaper watching it now. He’ll update me if anything changes. That is all I can tell you for now.”

“That understandable, thank you for sharing anyway. Good luck with the candle.” At that, my stomach rumbled.

“Go enjoy your lunch” Azrael replied, walking away with Michael.

“Why did you tell them all of that?” Michael demanded of Azrael.

“They have a right to know. Besides nothing would be gained by hiding it from them. It’s best they are aware of the situation.”

“That’s not your call to make Az.” Michael responded angrily as he stopped. Azrael turned to face him, a calm mask slipped on.

“Yes, it is Michael. It’s my call as the leader of the reapers and the overseer of their candle. What isn’t right is how you keep insisting that they be left in the dark, blissfully ignorant. Despite what you may think, they are a bright soul and have brought much light with them, even to the brothers. I understand why you feel about them the way you do, but times have changed. They have changed, and so have the rest of us. Everyone but you. It’s time you change too before you do something you’ll regret.” With that, Azrael left, leaving Michael standing there thinking about what the reaper had said and thought back to what their Father had said 3 months ago. Threading his fingers in his hair, he made his way to his office, hoping to distract himself from these thoughts with some extra work.

~7 Years later~

“Y/N'' I woke up realizing that I fell asleep at my desk again. Looking up, I saw Uriel looking down at me. His hand on my right shoulder shaking me awake.

“Father would like to see you. Go get dressed please. I’ll be waiting outside.” Uriel left, closing the door behind him. I leaned back thinking about why God would want to see me, especially this early in the morning.

Not wanting to Uriel waiting for too long, I tidied up the papers at my desk, and sleepily made my way to the bathroom to take a quick shower and get ready. Once I finished, Uriel and I set out except this time, instead of heading to the palace, we headed for the gates.

When we arrived, I found that the rest of the council including Azreal and Simeon were already there and waiting for us. We landed and bowed our respects towards Father. Uriel joined the council in a semi-circle behind God.

“Y/N, as I’m sure you realized, the time has come for you to return to the Devildom. I offer you one last chance to stay here. You should know that once an angel falls, they’re not allowed back. Y/N, if you through with this, you will be cast out from the Celestial realm. Are you ready to make that sacrifice?” Looking to the council standing behind God. I recalled the past millennia I spent with them. While I tried to keep a professional relationship with them, they ended up growing on me and we became a little family of our own. I realized that I was going to end up missing them. None of that matters though, not anymore. I’m finally going home, to my real family. To the brothers. Ignoring God, I addressed the angels gathered behind him.

“Thank you, all of you. Despite our differences, you all still accepted me and let me into this little family of yours. I’ll be sure to remember all you’ve done for me and I hope we could meet again someday. Oh and Mike.” Michael looked at me, surprised that I singled him out. “You don’t belong down there. Don’t forget that.” I turned back to God giving him my answer.

“Yes, I am willing.” Giving me a nod of affirmation, God addressed me for the last time.

“Y/N, Virtue of Loyalty and former leader of the virtues.  I hereby strip you of your angelic status and cast you out into the Devildom for the sin of misplaced loyalty.” I faced the edge, ready to jump when I realized I had forgotten something. Turning around, I looked God straight in the eyes and threw the strongest right hook I had ever thrown in my life before jumping backwards, tucking in my wings and closing my eyes. A content sigh leaving my lips as I let the darkness engulf me whole.

I’m coming guys. Wait up for me

[giuliafc]

Betrayal Chapter 6: Chat Blanc

<< 1 -- 2 -- 3 -- 4 -- 5 -- 6: Ao3 || FFN -- 7 >>

Written by: JuliaFC

Beta: Coffeebanana

Summary: Alya and Nino go back to school and Marinette and Adrien have a good talk.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by (c) Thomas Astruc, TS1 Bouygues, Disney Channel, Zagtoon, Toei Animation. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Written for the "Snippet July" challenge of the Miraculous Fanworks Discord server @miraculousfanworks AND for LadyNoir July @ladynoirjuly Day 17 — Mistake/secrets. Let me know what you think!

oOoOoOoOoOo

Alya looked at her watch. "It's time to head back to school, guys," she exclaimed. "We have literally the time to walk across the road." Alya and Nino stood up, and Adrien released his transformation and made to stand up too, but Marinette, after releasing her own transformation, grabbed his leg and signaled him to sit down.

"We'll be late back to school, M'lady."

"I know… can you cover us, Alya? I have something to tell Adrien and it can't wait for patrol." She waited for Alya to give her a thumbs up and drag Nino down the trap door. When they were alone, Adrien sat down next to her, looking confused.

"What did you want to talk about?"

Marinette took a big breath. "We promised last night to tell each other everything." She looked down and took firm hold of the material of her jeans. "I had no idea how hurt you were because I kept secrets from you, Minou. The pain I saw in your eyes last night when you found out that I told my identity to Rena before you was an eye opener."

"Well, yes. I didn't like that. Especially finding it out when we landed on her balcony and asked for her help."

Marinette's eyes filled with tears. "I'm really sorry, that was a huge mistake on my part. I…was breaking down badly and needed a friend."

"But I'm your friend too," muttered Adrien. "You always said that Chat Noir was your partner and your best friend. I tried to help, to initiate the talk, but you pushed me away. But... it's okay, I understand. Kinda."

More tears fell out of Marinette's eyes. "I'm sorry Adrien. I…"

He cut her off. "We've fixed the issue now, Marinette, it's fine." He grabbed hold of one of her hands and she squeezed it firmly.

"It's not. I can tell that you're still hurt. I told Master Fu so many times that I didn't want you kept out of the loop. Yet, as soon as I take over his role, I make the same mistake." She dropped his hand and cupped both hers on her face, starting to sob. "I was so scared! I tried to protect you, but instead I just made things worse and I was nearly going to cause the very thing I was trying to protect you from!"

"What do you mean?" He put a hand on her shoulder and used the other one to gently take her hands off her face and tilt her chin to look him in the eye. "You're scaring me now. What were you protecting me from?"

"Chat Blanc," said Marinette listlessly. Then she noticed his confused frown and sighed. "Do you remember St. Athanase's day?" Adrien nodded. "That day I made a silly mistake and used my Miraculous for personal gain to deliver a present to your room, right to your bed."

"Yes, something from a fan in Brazil, you said? I tried to find out who gave you that parcel, to thank them, but I was never able to."

"Of course you weren't. It was a lie." She blushed to the roots of her hair when he pouted and folded his arms to his chest. "Th-the present was from m-me."

"I had seen your signature on it, but I thought somebody had commissioned the beret from you. I didn't think it was a personal gift for me, Marinette. Had I known, I would have worn it every day. It was exquisitely made."

A shadow of a smile popped on her lips. "Thank you. Initially I had signed the card that I left with the present, but when I came out of your room, not noticing that you had come in right behind me, Bunnyx appeared and brought me to this horrifying future where you had been Akumatised." She paused at his gasp.

"W-why…?" he muttered, but she cut him off.

"I don't know. Bunnyx was adamant that I shouldn't know more about it, but somehow by seeing me getting out of your room as Ladybug and finding a present from Marinet—"

"—with hearts embroidered on it!" he thought aloud.

"Uh, yeah, that…" She blushed darker. "Of course now it makes sense that you had worked out my identity, since it was, well, you. But until yesterday I had no idea and when you called me Marinette and you attacked m—"

"I attacked you?" he shouted. "I'd never make myself hurt you or fight you, M'lady!"

"You were an Akuma, Adrien." She cupped her hand to his cheek and gave him a peck on the lips when she saw the panic in his eyes. "You'd destroyed the world. Nothing was left. I was turned into an ash statue, and Papillon had followed the same fate. I think you may have been the only living being left. You'd even destroyed the moon."

Adrien considerably paled.

"You attacked me because you wanted my Miraculous to make the Wish and bring things back to what they were…before."

"Before what?"

Marinette looked down. "That's the bit I don't know. You said that 'our love had done this to the world'."

Adrien gasped and his complexion became even paler. "I-I was an Akuma though, right? You can't really trust what an Akuma says?"

"That was my mistake." She met his panicky gaze with her sad one. "I pushed you away to protect you. I…tried to shelter my heart from you the best I could so I wouldn’t fall in love with you. But…I failed miserably at that too. And felt terrible about it. So I pushed you away even more, and nearly caused the very Chat Blanc I didn't want to cause. I'm so sorry."

Adrien blinked as his heart sped up. "Wait a second, did you imply what I think you were implying?"

Marinette smiled shyly as her gaze dropped. "Yes, Minou. I also fell for you twice."

To be continued… day 18

-----------------------------

Author's Note

There you go. Chat Blanc is out of the way. This prompt was so good for it, I couldn't ignore it. I know it has been done and redone but… it fit perfectly!

I hope you liked it and will leave me a comment. You know that comments are my bread and butter!

Until (hopefully) tomorrow, bug out!