#and like three other people since then including myself have clicked with it

[surohsopsisofclouds]

not us collectively eyeballing the name Robin to add to our current pile of two (2) general names (currently just Suroh + one we use irl)

[hansooyung]

hansooyung's coloring tutorial & ctiys: alma time! 🍒

hello everyone! though i've been meaning to for a while, i've finally gotten around to making my first manga coloring tutorial! i'll be going over cleaning panels and screentones, choosing base colors, and finally shading and lighting.

this will also be a color this in your style challenge, so if you're willing, feel free to post your colored panel and tag me in it!! i'd love to see all the results :)

find details under the cut! 🦋

DISCLAIMERS:

this is just how i personally color! i know for a fact that some of my other friends follow other methods and have such beautiful colorings <33

for colors specifically, i play around a LOT. if you don't like your color scheme for the time being, mess around with it! i don't use psds since i like to mess around by hand with color palettes, but maybe i'll look into it for the future.

i explain a lot just bear with me gang 🙏

TECHNICAL STUFF:

software: ibis paint x (on iphone). i use ibis since it is FREE for all phones and it worked on my chromebook as well.

while this tutorial is made for ibis paint x, everything works on other softwares except the brushes, which i've provided alternatives for below.

brushes: i will be using dip pen (hard) which is automatically included with ibis, and two other brushes i made myself which you can find here and here. for more brushes, @/bkdkdh was incredibly helpful and posted her awesome set here!

for other softwares, you can use similar brushes. dip pen (hard) can just be the default brush, while wet edges is just the default brush on lowered opacity (and more of a rectangle/marker shape?). watercolor pencil is a watercolor brush in the rectangle/marker shape as well. if you can't get the shape, you can always smudge your lines into shape as well, so don't fret too much! a bunch of people only use one brush for coloring everything (which is insane to me, personally, they are so talented!)

fun fact: the first brush listed that i made was originally called "aki tao watercolor smooth" 👍

ok here we go guys!!

STEP ONE: CLEANING THE PANEL

i think of this part as setting up the panel for coloring! usually it's pretty exhausting cuz it's all b&w but it's all worth it i swear. the panel i'll be coloring is this beautiful one of alma from chapter 2:

imgur link here (x)

a lot of people redraw their lines to avoid screentones, which is extremely helpful. however, i work on a phone and my fingers are not steady even with the stabilizer turned all the way up T~T. i do it this way, but a different (possibly easier) way may work for you!!!

your first step will be to remove all the white, giving us a transparent background to work with. THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY I USE IBIS PAINT X.

when you upload the image to ibis, a popup comes asking if you would like to "extract line drawing". this creates a lineart of your image. click yes, and your work is like 90% done.

if you're not on ibis, you can redraw your panel, put lineart layer on screen, etc. or you can just extract line drawing from ibis and upload to software of your choice

for those of you not on ibis, i've included the line drawing here (x) if it looks black, don't worry and set your background to white.

omg i was not kidding when i said i explained a lot. ok now onto the three main steps of cleaning the panel:

cleaning background

removing screentones

repainting black lines

for cleaning the background, we're going to clear off all the extraneous stuff. this includes the text in the speech bubble, the gradient screentones behind alma, and the panel line on the left side. just use your eraser tool and go crazy! (i forgot to save the panel at this point of the coloring OTL)

for removing screentones, we're going to remove all those "dots" that mangakas use for shading. these are used to show value for b&w art, but since we're coloring we don't need them—a lot of people have really cool ways of incorporating screentones in their colorings though, and it looks amazing! i used it on nana's hand in my bnha coloring.

remove the screentones from alma's hair and jacket with your eraser tool. this will take time, but it's worth it in the end!

for portions with a bunch of lines, you can create A NEW LAYER and redraw some of the lines. that way, you can erase indiscriminately from the original layer but the lines you drew are still there. again, like i said, my hand is really shaky so i don't do it a lot, but it's extremely helpful for smaller parts where i have control! i used this on alma's jacket, and here's a screenshot of the process:

(i made his jacket purple so i could distinguish between layers easily).

it should look like this when you're done:

for the final step of cleaning, i like to erase all the things colored black (the collar and strings of the jacket, along with the back part of his hair). that way, i can color them in with dark colors and it adds to the whole look of the coloring.

i've circled the parts i'm going to erase below:

and it should look like this when you're done!

ok everyone cheer we're ready to color now!!!!

STEP TWO: BASE COLORS

CROWD CHEERS ok lets go!

this part is the most important to me, because it sets the tone for the whole coloring. i like to use three-four main colors in my colorings, and it's usually background, skintone, hair, and the secret fourth color. the secret fourth color is usually whatever color fits the character's vibe, or if the character's color is the bg, it'll be an accent color.

for example, with my nagi coloring, i used white for the hair, i had my skintone, i had blue as the main coloring vibe (as nagi's color), and black as the accent color.

for alma, i chose his main color to be red! it's the color of his hair and his jacket, so i wanted it to be vibrant and stand out. since blue contrasts red, i went for a greyish-blue shade for the background. (i went for grey rather than solely blue because then it would clash rather than complement).

disclaimer please please please take your device off night mode warm mode f.lux whatever you have. this has screwed me over more times than you may think :(

i like to make my vibrant colors closer to the right end of the color square. for alma's hair, i chose this color:

i dragged it down from the corner a bit but kept the saturation since his hair is kind of dark. we can use vibrant colors to shade it though, so don't worry!

here's his hair and the background together:

now from here, play around with skintones until you find one that matches the hair!

i usually drag around the wheel to the orange-red intersection, and have it on the lighter, more saturated side. here's the color i chose for alma's skintone.

i thought his original skintone looked a bit too orange, so i pulled the saturation back a little bit (moved closer to the left side of the square).

after that, color in his jacket with a bit darker red than hair, choose a gold color for the accents on his jacket, and color in the black parts with a grey-ish color (we will change that later).

here's the base colors!

if it looks a bit bright, don't worry! we can change that with shading. or you might just have to. accept the light.

STEP THREE: SHADING AND LIGHTING

wooo we made it!!!!!!! ok now i lied, we have a bit more of base colors to go. on a layer above the skin, color in your teeth and tongue. for pieces that have a more red feel (like this one), i like to make the teeth and the shading a more vibrant blue color. (for blue pieces, i make it a purple!).

IMPORTANT NOTE: ALL SHADING AND ALL COLORS SHOULD BE DONE ON NEW, CLIPPED LAYER.

i'll then go in and do some light shading with my wet edges brush. i'll use a darker color for hard shadows and then a lighter, more vibrant color to accentuate it.

next up we have blush! a lot of people do this in very different ways but i like to do it directly under the eyes, in a vibrant red shade. make a new layer above the skin and clip it on. color pick alma's hair and drag it to the most saturated shade (red corner). then using the watercolor pencil brush, lower the opacity of the brush and drag a line under the eyes on both sides.

make sure to erase the portion of blush that goes above the eyeline. i also added some lips for alma as you can see, and then added a red line under the eyes! this was back to the regular dip pen (hard) brush on 100% opacity. it may take a few tries to get your blush to the way you want it, so don't worry too much.

now we can start our actual shading!

i break this part up into three steps: skin shading, blue shading, and light shading (highlights?)

for all of them, think about where the light is falling and how it will look on alma.

quick interlude about brushes: i use the watercolor pencil brush for softer, bouncy looks (like blush and noses) and i use the wet edges brush for more hard lines in shading.

again, make a new layer above the skin and clip it on. (i like to have it below the blush, so it doesn't cover it). for skin shading, i take the vibrant red and lower the opacity of the wet edges brush by a significant amount (specifics don't really matter, as long as you're happy with it). i'll trace his neck, from the shadow of his face, shadows of his hair falling on his face, ears, and nose. (for the nose i used the watercolor pencil brush for a softer look).

this is what i have once i'm done!

next we have skin shading part two, where we basically make a new layer on top of our first shading, lower the opacity further, and trace outside whatever we just did to blend it in more.

i used the watercolor pencil brush since it's more softer shading meant for blending! i also added it around the eyebrows for depth.

next up we have our blue shading! this is a technique that i learned from @/bkdkdh's colorings, but adding blue as a shadow really adds to the whole coloring. using the watercolor pencil brush, select a light-ish blue shade (a bit more saturated than background color) and use it to shadow a few more areas than your skin shading. i always make sure to hit the underside of the nose, cuz i think it adds depth!

finally, to wrap up our skin shading we have our lights. i use an orange-ish yellow color, which i set pretty light to not blend into the skin. using the watercolor pencil brush, i'll basically highlight any areas opposite to where the blue was, and highlight different parts. i always highlight one side of the nose as well.

i erased the line around the nose since we now have shading there, and added a darker shade to the teeth since i felt it wasn't shaded enough.

now onto the hair!!! (guys we're almost done bear with me, skin and hair are the two main things and then you can half-ass the clothes)

color pick alma's hair color, then drag the red a bit further down to get a darker yet still saturated color. here's mine:

then, using the wet edges brush, draw lines of shadow wherever clumps of his hair fall or overlap with each other. you can have the opacity set to whatever level you want, i just went with around 90. just try to follow the natural lines and patterns of the original line drawing, and everything should work out fine.

here's how mine looks! then, just like we did for skin shading, place a layer on top and lower the opacity to around 50%. place some more shading to blend it in. you can also shade more parts with this shade for some softer shading. i actually forgot to take a screenshot of this step but you'll see it in the next one!

for our (almost) last part of hair shading, take a layer and place it below both of your shading layers. this is going to be our highlight layer! you can see it below, labeled 49%.

remember how we set alma's hair a bit darker from the corner color? now select that corner color and draw highlights in the center of each hair clump.

lightly visible but it's there!

now here i skipped around a bit bc i was having fun and forgot i was doing a tutorial, but repeat the shading (not highlighting) steps with darker colors for alma's jacket. you should have your base layer, a dark shading, and a softer shading for blending.

we're almost there guys!!!

for the pretty much final step of shading, select a light blue color and do some blue shading with the watercolor pencil brush opposite to wherever your darker shading falls (just like we did on the face). make sure to do it to both your hair and your jacket! here's mine:

now for the black portions, we're going to color the whole thing in a dark blue color. just alpha lock your layer and make a big stroke of dark blue, almost black. for our black shading, we're actually going to go lighter.

select a lighter (but still dark) color and place highlights on the base layer, then take an even more vibrant, lighter blue and place it on the very outside for highlights. a better example of this would be nagi's legs in his blue lock uniform here. then, choose a shade to apply shading to the gold accents on alma's jacket and we're done!

CROWD CHEERS!!!!!

STEP FOUR: FINISHING TOUCHES

we made it guys!!!! for finishing touches, i'll usually do background effects or text or that kind of stuff.

step one is coloring your lines. you can add a new layer and clip it to your lineart, or simply alpha lock your lineart and color directly on top. for hair i like to add vibrant blue/purple lines, along with a few red ones. for skin lines i try to do dark brownish purples, but leaving some black is good too bc it adds flavor!

i colored in the text boxes and added shadows using the wet edge feature, then added some text. for the glitch effect, i duplicated the lineart, dragged the layer below all of my colors (including speech bubbles) and then used the glitch effect with height full from ibis. if you don't have ibis, you can look into features on your software, or you can also just drag your lineart layer a bit to either side and color it in. i also applied just the tiniest bit of noise on top of everything

and there we go!!!!! we made it to the end :)

if you've read all the way til here, thank you so much! if you decide to color this panel of alma (or any other panels!) don't be afraid to post them and tag me for a color this in your style type of thing! (you can also put it in my tracked tag, #user.roy) i'd love to see everyone's works :)

here's the full timelapse: (it stalls for a bit at some times but hey we can't have everything)

[nightmaretour]

I hate to do this, and it's a long shot I know, but things are getting desperate and it seems like I'm going to be waiting WAY longer than I should be for something that's fairly urgent.

I'm a disabled trans man living in the UK. Recently I was found to have severe anemia, and came up with my FIT test (gastrointestinal cancer screening) a few months ago, and was referred for a colonoscopy to find out the cause, since it looks like I'm having a slow but constant bleed through my GI tract. However, my referral has been awaiting review for over three months now. I'm not even on the waiting list, I'm waiting for someone to decide if I need to be on the waiting list. Since then I've started having GI symptoms such as pain, intermittent loss of appetite, etc. as well as my anemia worsening significantly.

This is of course pretty urgent, but it looks like I'll be waiting months longer once I finally get on the waiting list too. I really have no choice but to get it done through a private hospital, because of the time sensitive nature of, you know, potentially having cancer. I managed to put some money away out of the backpay I got from PIP, but it's not enough.

[ID: A screenshot of an email that's says:

Dear Mr (name blocked out in red),

Thank you for your website inquiry. For your information, the cost of an initial consultation with one of our consultant gastroenterologists is £280."

It then lists the names of 3 doctors as links, all blocked out in red. The email continues,

"The guide price for a colonoscopy is £2,339. For further information, including appointment availability, please don't hesitate to contact the medical secretaries (followed by three names redacted in red) directly on (phone number redacted in red) or call the private patient team on (phone number redacted in red). End ID]

Currently I have around £1,400 stashed away from PIP backpay I got after they royally fucked things up (however I may need to dip into this at points if I find myself struggling). Together the consultation plus the colonoscopy will cost £2,619, which leaves me about £1220 behind. I know I'm most likely not going to get that much from this, but I honestly have no choice but to try my luck here. I really don't know what else I can do.

I really don't like asking for money from people for nothing, but I have a Ko-fi store where I sell handmade screen printed patches, and I'll be adding more designs to it over the coming weeks when I have the time and energy to make new screens. I'm also offering commissions for custom band patches! (Due to Kofi's TOS I can't officially offer patches for bands without their permission.). Below are a few examples of my work:

[ID: 5 images of patches printed in white on black fabric, all sewn onto a worn looking black denim jacket. All are sewn on roughly in red floss, aside from the last one. The first says "only dates I want are tour dates". The words "dates" and "tour dates" are larger than the other text. All of the letter As are replaced with spade symbols. The second is the logo of the band Cop/Out, which is the band name with rough, jagged edges. The third is the logo for The Prodigy, which is the band name in sharp. Zig-zagging letters. The fourth is the logo for the band Subhumans, a stylised skull shouting into a microphone. The fourth is the horizontal silhouette of a crutch. With the words "Talk shit" above it and "get hit" below it. Unlike the rest it is sewn on in black, and the edge of an embroidered back patch is visible just above it. End ID]

I know a lot of people aren't doing well financially right now, and that there are people in far, far more dire situations who probably need your help far more than I do, but I would appreciate any purchases of patches or help you can offer so, so much. Even just sharing the post would be enormously appreciated.

Current progress:

£115/£1220

And of course as pet tax, here's Cynder :)

[ID: A photo of a female wild type leopard gecko laying spread out on a smooth rounded rock in a glass fronted tank. Her head is sideways and raised, looking at the camera with one eye. She looks relaxed and curious. Behind her a large piece of thick tree bark and a plastic cave can be seen. End ID]

[copperbadge]

Amateur Translation Programs

So I had a lot of imaginative and informative responses to my post about looking for an amateur translation program -- something where I could load in a foreign language and it would insert a box where I could add a translation every-other-line. The idea was that this way I could practice translation with more advanced texts, and texts I chose, and thus move away from Duolingo, which at this point is good for drilling and daily practice but not for more advanced learning.

I didn't find precisely what was needed but I did get some inspiration for further explanation, and I also learned that adding the term "glossing" (thank you @thewalrus-said) into my searches helped a great deal in terms of weeding out programs that were either "Let this AI translate for you" or just endless promotional links for Babbel and Duolingo and such. I thought I'd collect up the suggestions and post them here; at the end I'm including my best swing at designing what I wanted, and why it doesn't work yet.

Suggestion one, from many people, was various ways to generate a page that is simply fixed Italian text with space underneath each line to add in a translation. This is pretty simple as a process and there are sites that will do it for you, such as this one that @ame-kage suggested. However, most of these don't allow for movement in the Italian text, and many produce a PDF which you would need to print out in order to write on unless you're willing to open it in Acrobat (and deal with Acrobat). A good solution for some but not what I'm looking for purely because I'm trying to make this super frictionless so that (knowing myself as I do) I will actually do it.

I did find this version interesting, suggested by @drivemetogeek: Have one word doc saved as your "template" doc and set the line spacing as 2.0 or higher. Select your text from source and paste it into the template doc as text-only. Ctrl a, ctrl c to select all and copy, then open a new document and "paste special" as picture. Right click and set the "wrap text" as behind text. Now you have a document where you can, basically, type over the existing text because it's the background of the page. This seems like the most frictionless version, because you could set up a bunch of them ahead of time. If you wanted to move between desktop and mobile, however, you'd need to ensure that the pasted image was fairly narrow so that you don't have to sideways-scroll.

Relatedly, people suggested generating a document that is simply the Italian text with empty space beneath it for typing in of the translation. This can be done either semi-automated, using a macro or a language like Python, or find-and-replace on, say, the stops at the ends of sentences. It basically outputs the same as above but with a more digitally accessible format, without any more effort than above. If you were to do this in Google Sheets you could also fix the column width so that it didn't do anything weird when you opened it on your phone. But it is still very friction-y, and does not allow for easy shifting of the Italian as needed. There's high probability of the translation breaking weirdly across the page. Still a top option in terms of simplicity and access.

@smokeandholograms suggested another variation illustrated here where essentially you're converting the text to a series of tables, with each paragraph a row, and an empty cell next to it for the translation. I might play around more with this one eventually, since I think I could possibly make it a three-column and put the Italian in one, the translation in the next, and the auto-translate to let me know where I might be slipping in the third. (Not that I trust auto-translate but comparing a hand translation to an auto translation can be useful in terms of working out when I've messed up the way a tense or mood is read. I tend to read indirect verbs as automatically imperative because I'm a weirdo.)

@wynjara linked to an add-in for Word specifically designed for translators, known as TransTools; this appears to employ a macro to do the same thing, though it does have a format where you can place the translation next to each sentence directly rather than in a separate cell. The full suite of tools is only $45 which is reasonable for my budget, but for what I need I think I could also just create the macro.

Using LaTeX as a tool specially designed for glossing was an option on offer, but I don't know enough about LaTeX to figure out the pros of this one, which is in itself the major con -- there's a learning curve that I think varies widely by person but for me is unfortunately a wall. It came out of a discussion on Reddit about trying to find something like what I want; also in that discussion is a link to a code generator that allows you to…do something…to the initial language, but it's not entirely clear to me (I'm sure it's clear to people who understand coding) what you would then do with it that would allow it to be output in the way I'm hoping for. Like, I could turn a paragraph of text into HTML, I understand that far, but any Italian I find is already on a website.

Moving more into apps that might work, Redditors on the LaTeX discussion suggested SIL Fieldworks, which is a professional language tech tool. Fieldworks isn't a program I'd previously encountered but much as with the ones I had, it looks like the learning curve is fairly steep and it is definitely overkill generally for what I need, though it might also harbor within it the thing I want. It is free, so I may download and play around with it.

@brightwanderer suggested using note-taking or "whiteboard" apps such as Freeform or Nebo; these are generally a kind of "infinite canvas" in which you can drop objects, text boxes, or handwriting. I don't know that Freeform would be measurably different to just using Word and a macro, since I'd still have to input/format all the text and then be stuck with the same "fixed text" setup -- and it's also iOS only -- but for some folks it might be more helpful. Nebo is a similar infinite-canvas with unfortunately the same issues, though on the plus it's available for Android, which is where most of my mobile property resides.

@bloodbright suggested that I was looking for a CAT tool, a professional translation tool mainly used by translators working in the field. This was a concept I'd encountered, but I hadn't found a good starting place. They suggested Smartcat and OmegaT. Smartcat bills itself as an AI translation platform and is HARD pushing the "don't translate it yourself, hire a translator or let AI do it" angle, so it's difficult to tell what it offers in terms of actual tools for translators, and it's also cagey about pricing, so I can't really evaluate it. OmegaT is free and gives off big "some weirdo homebrewed this in their basement" vibe (which I am here for) but I also recognized it from screengrabs that were the reason I veered away from professional-grade software: it looked too complex. Realistically, the major downside of OmegaT is that I don't think I can put it on my phone. One thing I did find interesting is that once you translate a portion of the text, the original language goes away, though I assume you can turn that off if needed. I do kind of like that because it means my distractable brain is looking at Less Stuff.

So where did I end up?

Well, it looked like I was going to have to try a homebrew myself. I had the idea of trying some of the initial suggestions but in reverse -- designing a document where every other line was a single-cell table fixed to the page. You could paste in the Italian, which would wrap around the cells, and then enter the English in the cells.

You can fix a table in place in Google Docs -- you click on the table, then under Table > Style select Wrap Text, Both Sides, and Fix On Page. Getting the whole page set up is a little labor intensive but once you did that, you could just save it as a template and make a duplicate of it each time. And this actually works….on desktop.

Unfortunately, if you open it in the mobile Docs app, the app can't handle the fixed tables and automatically moves them all to after the text that's been pasted in. I tried redesigning it so that it's a table within a table -- one for the Italian, then within that a series of them for the English -- but when you nest a table in Google Docs, it doesn't let you fix the second table in place. And you are also still dealing with the wrap issue, although you can resize the page and add a large right-hand margin as a kludge of a fix for that.

You can build this same kind of document in Word, so I tried building one in Word and then uploading it to Drive, but when you open the Word file in Docs (or in Microsoft Word for Android), it still strips the fixed positioning -- there's just some functionality missing from both apps that doesn't allow them to handle fixed-position tables.

So, the design is sound, just not the final execution. If I could program an app, I could probably remedy the issues with it -- it's simply a series of text boxes nested inside one another with different formatting. I would imagine that's relatively basic to set up, although given that neither Docs nor Word can handle fixed tables in mobile, perhaps I've stumbled on a much bigger problem that everyone is ignoring because nobody actually needs or wants fixed tables in mobile. :D

Experimentation is ongoing, anyway. I might simply have to resign myself to the fact that my translation study is going to have to be in front of a computer, which might be for the best anyway when I inevitably want to compare my translation to an auto-translate to see where I might have read something wrong.

[mal3vol3nt]

https://www.tumblr.com/longing-for-rain/755847912227028992/here-we-observe-the-aang-boymom-in-its-natural?source=share

Hi! I'm curious on your thoughts of this meta.

hi anon! so sorry for keeping you waiting with this response, i know it’s been months. unfortunately this probably isn’t gonna be the response you wanted to hear—me breaking down this zk brainrot rant and subverting their claims with canon content. please allow me to explain though (this is gonna be long sorry):

the reasons i’ve been slow to answer this ask and others that have sent me zk rants are:

since joining atla twitter (@arrsapphics if you’re cool) i’ve been exposed to a lot more zk coke-fueled rants and just do not have the energy to torture myself by willingly reading their shit

a lot of these zutara stans on tumblr are a lot more deranged and genuinely horrible people now that i’ve been exposed to the twitter zks. of course, zks are stupid and ship-obsessed on every platform and some of them (one in particular comes to mind—if you’re on twitter then you know) are genuinely just as bad, but i feel the ones on here have a special type of hatred considering they can tag their posts to ensure their hate stays within the echo chamber

CONTENT WARNING: RAP3

the second reason is the biggest part of why i will no longer entertain posts from longing-for-rain. i have recently found out via twitter that they write rape fanfiction of katara. being a chronically online shipper is one thing but to write fanfic of katara being raped so that zuko can save her is truly where i have to disengage. they have also posted rants of them analyzing katara’s body in the show, measuring the size of her breasts and hips to support the delusions in their head about this 14 year old girl. i truly cannot engage with this person’s rants as if they’re just regular shipping war bullshit. this person is a sick individual who not only projects onto a 14 year old brown indigenous character but also sexualizes and adultifies her

for these reasons, i refuse to read a rant posted by her and other big zk blogs on this app. people who take their obvious fetishes and racism and project them onto underaged asian and indigenous characters have gained too much attention from me on this blog. i can’t continue reading rants from these people and analyzing them because i know these people are not treating this show and its characters under an appropriate lens and arguing with their points will do absolutely nothing but enrage me, other people in the ka fandom, and fuel their delusions with our anger as “proof” their arguments hold any weight. on twitter, i’ll continue interacting with what comes up on my tl from my atla moots and if that includes shitting on a deranged zk then fine. but on tumblr i refuse to engage, especially since this app has a tagging system that i use religiously

and i would like to encourage anyone who reads this to also refuse to take this person’s rants seriously and look at them as nothing more than cope-hatred by a sick individual with sick fantasies and thoughts about these minor characters. of course, if you choose to still engage then i won’t stop you and will probably like and reblog your posts 😭

i will just no longer willingly click on links to their rants and subject myself to their bullshit. however, if you’d like for me to argue against zk claims then you are more than welcome to send me a summary of what they’ve said and i’ll do my best to organize a response! i absolutely do not want to discourage anyone from sending me asks because i truly do enjoy answering yalls questions and i love knowing that people like hearing what i have to say on these things lol. please, send me asks about anything and everything! just please understand that i won’t be clicking any links to their posts and blogs or be entertaining anything that comes from the three main delusional zk blogs 🙏

i hope this has made sense and again, i’m sorry anon for taking so long to answer this ask and for not giving the expected response 🫶

[askinkiskarma]

ᴋɪɴᴋᴛᴏʙᴇʀ ᴅᴀʏ ᴠ - ᴅᴀᴅᴅʏ ᴋɪɴᴋ

pairing: neteyam x avatar!reader (part of the cardigan saga)

➽ a/n: it's neteyam and atan's world, and we're just living in it! hi besties and welcome to day 5, aka the day that almost killed me bc writing daddy!neteyam is actually much harder to me than i thought it could be. but i wanted so much to give this day to them, since they are my forever favourite pair from my forever favourite work of mine.

you don't have to have read cardigan for this to make sense, although it helps. i hope you enjoy, i've seen a lot of you besties reading cardigan recently and it's nice to know you wouldn't have had to wait as long for this prompt as my og readers, who i've promised this to for far too long hahahhaa my bad.

finally, this will continue in another (or two) kinktober prompts, so enjoyyy ;) x

➽ words: 1.7k words

➽ warnings: it goes without saying, but all of these works (kinktober-related) are smut and therefore minors should NOT interact with them. other warnings include: anal fingering, p in v, pet names, hair pulling.

➽ taglist (x) ➽ kinktober masterlist (x)

➽ na'vi compendium: atan - light, ma 'itan - son, kalin - sweet to the taste

“Come on, ma ‘itan. You have to let go of him at some point, you know?” Letting go of your son was harder on Neteyam than either of you ever envisioned. Well, not really. In truth, he’s always been a born father - loving, caring and attentive, he has been the unofficial parent of three kids ever since he reached puberty, and yet, it’s never made him bitter or deterred. On the contrary, it seemed that the birth of your son, the sweet Kalin, only made him more enthusiastic to put everything he’s learnt about parenthood to good use with his own family. Still, there were times, like right now, where you wanted to remember what it was like to be alone with your mate, the love of your life, the man who you’ve gone trough hell and back with. Solitude was a scarce resource right now, with a babe barely over a year old, but you were lucky to have a village full of people who were more than ready and willing to help babysit, and some who were more excited about it than others - like Neytiri.

“I’ve wanted to have this little one all to myself for so long, we’re going to have so much fun!” Her little coos were adorable and once more you couldn’t help be forever grateful for the person who’s been a mum to you for years now, who loved you and has done so ever since you were born. Although so different, you couldn’t help see your own mother in her, and you were reminded to pay her and your dad a visit at the Tree of Souls. It’s been a while. 

But for now…

“We won’t be too long. Thank you for doing this, sa’nok.” 

“We might be… a little long. Isn’t that so, Atan?”

You chuckled at the quiet desperation in his voice, and, with a roll of your eyes, you clicked in the direction of the tent’s entrance, wordlessly willing him out. This was going to be fun…

It was still risky, coming to the places that used to mean so much to you once, that you had to forsake when you moved to the Metkayina, that you got back once more once you returned home, but you couldn’t help yourselves. Not when these places, this place, in particular, has been one where so many memories, all shared between you two, were made, not when it still brings goosebumps on the surface of your skin, the thought of all you’ve lived through here, from learning how to swim and climb to conceiving your little bundle of joy that was safely back home. You never realised how much being a mother would mean to you - although it was always clear how much being a father meant to Neteyam. You’ve loved him all your life, but somehow never more than when taking care of your son, then when he showered you in love and affection, when he acted like the dad and partner you always knew he would be. 

“I miss this place so much every time we don’t visit for a few days. It’s like after all these years, and all these memories… it’s part of me. It always will be. And even now, I feel like a teenager, obsessed with you, desperate to look into your eyes, excited beyond belief at every glance or touch you send my way.” 

You couldn’t believe how even despite knowing each other since birth, being there for each other every day of your lives, your heart still galloped in your chest any time he spoke, and he still had so much power over you, power to take your breath away with words… and actions.

“Whatever you say… daddy.”

Neteyam turned around almost robotically, alert and frantic as he struggled to make eye contact with you in the least amount of time possible. You chucked at his demeanour, almost predatory, tail perked and unmoving, eyes wide and pupils even more so, swallowing the beautiful yellow of his irises whole. 

“What did you just call me?” 

You smirked and curved an eyebrow in his direction, enjoying the tingly feel that came with doing so, the goosebumps peppered on your skin after being conditioned to expect him to react to it, to unleash on you demons and urges that only you could swallow, only you could help quench. 

“Fuck.” A second later he was by you, and even after a few years in this body, his reflexes still amazed you, still took you by surprise. You gulped at the intensity in his gaze, a gulp that got stuck in your throat as soon as his fingers found your neck, as soon as they wrapped around it and squeezed in just the right way so you felt euphoric, so it felt like the beginning to a night to remember. 

“Atan, you have no idea what you started. But I’ll show you. Let daddy show you.”

His sultry words made your legs clench together, a desperate if futile attempt to cease the dew gathering in your beaded loincloth and seeping past the fabric onto the soft skin of your inner thighs. 

“Turn around.” 

It never took any effort on your part to wholly and relentlessly obey your mate. He loved control and for him, only him, you loved to give it up - you loved it when he manhandled you, his strong, muscular physique perfect for such a task, made to do exactly what he was doing now, spinning you in place and pushing you gently, but forcefully by your shoulder and lower back until you were on the ground, kneeling and waiting. 

“I’m gonna need this perfect little body on all fours, Atan.”

The ground felt moist and tender beneath your hands and knees, and you were so aware of every move, every breath, every fleeting touch of his nimble fingers on your body, slowly making his way from your neck, down your spine until he reached your hips, that he gripped with both his large hands, before giving a praising, appreciative murmur at the sight before him. 

“So, so beautiful. Look at you, spread open for me, making a mess before I even touched you. Daddy’s little slut.”

You nearly snickered at how quickly he adopted and adapted to the nickname, how natural it was, rolling off his tongue, how somehow, every time he said it, you got impossibly wetter, almost panting with the desire to be filled up with his cock, with his cum. You moaned softly when you heard him spit into his hands, and could only imagine the mouthwatering sight unfolding before you as he pumped himself, before plunging into the depths of the desire that would overcome you both. When he guided his rock-hard erection to the plush of your ass, gliding it effortlessly in between your asscheeks, over and over, all you wanted to do was scream for more. It felt wondrous and dirty, and you wanted it all, wanted him everywhere, all at once, all the time. Like the mindreader he always was, he spoke before you had a chance to voice your unrealistic feverous dreams.

“Let’s start with two fingers and work our way up, how’s that sound?” You appreciated him for his thoughtfulness always, but especially now, always ready and dutiful in making sure you were prepared, that your body was capable of taking him, of taking it the way he ended up wanting to give it to you.

“Words, Atan.” 

“Sounds go-good. So good.” 

“That’s right.” 

He was taunting you now, slapping the tip of his cock on your clit, dragging it against your folds before sliding into you with ease, while plunging two fingers into your puckered hole.

“Fu-uck! Fuck! Argh!”

The feeling was beyond comprehension,  beyond your wildest fantasies. It was always this good, always this mind-blowing and yet, you have never gotten used to it, never gotten used to the amalgamation of sensations and how they’d all accumulate to a night of orgasm after orgasm, until you were passed out on his cock, too tired to even mutter a tired I love you.

His hand was soft as it trailed up your body until it reached your braided hair, that he took into his fisted hand. When he tugged on it, as he slammed back into you, you cried out, moaning garbled attempts at his name. Your head pulled backwards as he used your hair to establish a brutal, ruthless pace of both his hips and fingers, and soon enough, you could feel your first orgasm as it approached, thunderous and violent and ready to take over you. 

“I can’t wait to be a dad again, I can’t wait to see your swollen belly and know you have made me the happiest man in the world every day of my life so far and will continue to do so 'til the day I die. I can’t wait to hold your hand when you bring our baby girl into the world.”

“But not tonight, Atan. Tonight, I want to ruin you. I need to ruin you. I need to watch my cum drip out of your every perfect little hole. Do you understand?” 

A meek nod is all you managed, the sensation too overwhelming to allow for any coherent, cohesive expression, the cried-out iteration of “yes, daddy. Yes, fuck, y-yes!” only audible in your head as you screamed it with all your internalised might. 

“Good girl. Come for daddy. I want to hear you, Atan.”

His words were enough to push you over the edge, and you came, vision blinded by the high, mind numbed by the way every nerve in your body felt electrified, alight with the pleasure that didn’t seem to want to cease, not even as you squirted on his cock as he continued to pump into you, the overstimulation enough to make tears fall down your cheeks and onto the ground. 

You didn’t have time to catch your breath, no time to gather any thoughts before he leaned onto your back, whispering seductively in your ear. 

“Ready for round two? You didn’t think I was done with you yet, huh?” 

taglist: @pandoraslxna @sulieykte @blue-slxt @eywaeveng @neteyamsikran @elenamoncada-ibarra @spicymayyo @itsjazzsworld @daddysmurfslefttoenail @eyrina-avatar @iameatingmyhair @hadesbabygurl @linydoll @the-mourning-moon

(pls complete the form in the beginning of this post to be tagged)

[canadachildvol2]

Wish rewrite ✨ pt.1

Everyone and their grandma has done a rewrite of "Wish," but I couldn't help myself. I've seen the concept art and have watched an array of video essays dissecting what went wrong with the final product and my imagination went wild (as it often does with movies that had so much potential yet failed to deliver).

Full disclosure: I'm not a songwriter nor am I an expert on music theory, so when it comes to the songs in this rewrite, I'm just gonna give a general idea of what they're about and what happens.

With that out of the way, let's get into part 1 of my own "Wish" rewrite! And I'm in no way proclaiming this to be the superior version; I'm just sharing what I came up with like a lot of you have. I've also included a visual of my Asha redesign, which I hope you like. <3

(Also tagging @annymation :) )

-

First and foremost, I'm torn between this version either being completely 2D-animated or just Star (specifically in his normal magical form) and his magic being the only things 2D-animated. You can envision it however you like.

Book prologue: Like the movie, this opens with a storybook. However, it's in live-action. A narrator (perhaps a Disney Legend, like Mary Costa, Kathryn Beaumont, etc.) tells the backstory of how Rosas became a literal magical place:

“Once upon a time, there was a small island kingdom called Rosas. Surrounded by crystal waters and nestled beneath an endless sky. One day, the king gathered his subjects to make an important announcement: through magic, he had found a way to grant wishes! And since then, the people looked to their magnificent king to make their deepest desires come true.

This magic was passed down to the royals that followed, and in this time, the people continued their undying devotion to their extraordinary leaders.

Over the years, boats came from far and wide, carrying those who wanted to see this magic up close, as well as those who sought to live in Rosas. And our story begins with the docking of one of these boats…”

Introduction to Asha/Rosas; “Welcome to Rosas”: A group of newcomers excitedly wait to enter Rosas and this is where we meet Asha. "One... two... three," she mumbles - as if preparing for a performance - before stepping out in front of the group. Bubbly and all smiles, she introduces herself as their tour guide and ushers them into the kingdom. This version of “Welcome to Rosas” not only explains the rules of the kingdom regarding wishes (giving wishes at age 18 [it's mandatory], how the wishing ceremony plays out, only one wish is granted each month due to the large amount of magic needed, etc.) but it also highlights how hardworking and dutiful the citizens are. Additionally, it mentions that Rosas was once a land in disarray, but the magic of wish-granting led them to prosperity. While there’s an upbeat tone to the song, there is an almost sinister undertone that’s lost on the newcomers (and to us, the audience, if we don’t pay too much attention). I should quickly point out that people don't forget their wishes after giving them to Magnifico like they do in the movie. They just no longer have the motivation to pursue their wishes themselves.

Design note: Asha is the only person in Rosas wearing orange, thereby making her stand out from the largely blue, purple, and grey colour palette (much like how Belle is the only person in her village wearing blue). click the image to see more outfit details

Meeting Dahlia and other townspeople: After Asha leaves the group to let them enjoy the sights, her bubbly persona immediately disappears and her true nature is revealed. Levelheaded, composed, a touch cynical. A realist. This personality is shown as she interacts with some of the townsfolk (moreover, this scene alludes to what some of them have wished for). She takes a bag of fruit to Dahlia, her best friend and a talented baker. She’s cheerful, idealistic, and tends to stumble over her words when excited or stressed (a nod to Doc from “Snow White” along with her character design). Like the rest of Rosas, she thinks highly of the king and queen. In exchange for the fruit, Dahlia presents Asha with a birthday cake for her grandfather. This scene showcases Dahlia’s desire to become the castle baker someday and that she thinks her work needs to be perfect to get that position (even though her work is already amazing). We are also introduced to Simon, who comes by to pick up an order for delivery. He’s a few years older than Asha and Dahlia and is already showing the same level of exhaustion as most of the other adults. He wants his wish granted so badly that he’s willing to work hard and impress the king and queen no matter what. He's secretive about what his wish is.

"Welcome to Rosas (reprise)": As Asha walks home with the cake in a box, she looks at the citizens around her. This time, we’re seeing life in Rosas through her eyes rather than those of the awestruck newcomers. “Welcome to Rosas (reprise)” brings to the forefront how exhausting, unfair, and almost cult-like (i.e. the people’s intense adoration of the king and queen) everything is, while also insinuating the crux of Asha’s personal journey: she doesn’t have hope.

Meeting Sakina and Sabino: Asha arrives home to find Sabino asleep in a chair by the window. She smiles at him; a big, loving smile. Up until now, her smiles have either been small, fake (for her job), or just smirks. She gently wakes him up and he tells her he was dreaming about one of his artworks coming to life. “In a few hours, it may actually happen,” he says with a hopeful grin. She bites her tongue so as not to bring his cheerful mood down with a "Let's be realistic" comment. Soon after, Sakina enters the house carrying a basket of fresh fruit and looking tired. Asha takes the basket from her, fussing over how exhausted she looks. ("Mama, you shouldn't be doing all this work by yourself!") Sakina says that she’s fine, but Asha’s worries aren’t placated. Eventually, the trio sit down to enjoy the cake. Sakina laments the absence of Asha’s father, which prompts Asha to fiddle with her silver bracelet.

Wishing ceremony: We finally see King Magnifico and Queen Amaya in all their glory. They are regal, stunning, and tower over the people of Rosas in more ways than one. Still, when 18-year-olds and new residents approach the king on stage to give their wishes to him, he presents himself as an affable man. The cultish vibes that have so far been subtle are made much more apparent in this scene, complete with chanting, cheering, and bowing in a way that demonstrates complete submission. Sabino and Sakina wait with bated breath to see whose wish will be granted, while Asha remains less optimistic. She holds her grandfather’s hand reassuringly when the announcement is made. It’s not him. While not nearly as surprised or devastated as Sabino is, his disappointed reaction still breaks Asha’s heart. So much so that it encourages her to do something drastic.

Asha learns the truth: Sakina and Sabino head home while Asha makes her way to the castle entrance. She overhears the guards tell other people that the king and queen aren’t seeing anyone right now and reinforcing a specific rule: “commoners aren’t allowed in the palace.” Not to be deterred, Asha finds another way in. She’s distracted from her objective of ambushing the king and queen by the sight of the castle’s interior. It’s beautiful; unlike anything she’s ever seen. It's as if it were made of crystals, like the waters surrounding their island. Reflective surfaces are adorned on almost every section of the walls. Curiousity gets the better of her and she ascends the staircase to the highest room in the building. After brief hesitation, she enters and finds that it’s the room that houses the wishes (the general look of this room is about the same as how it is in the movie). Her wonderment is interrupted by the sound of Magnifico and Amaya outside. Thinking quickly, she hides in the balcony running along the upper part of the room. It’s here that she witnesses something horrifying: Magnifico taking a couple of the wishes in his hands and crushing them. This is how he gets his powers. He and Amaya laugh at how these people will be waiting forever for their wishes to be granted. ("They will work themselves to death, never knowing that their wishes, their dreams, will never come true.") Furthermore, Asha learns that Magnifico is already very powerful and doesn't need a whole month to garner enough energy to grant a single wish. After the couple leave, Asha sneaks back out.

Warning Sakina and Sabino: Asha rushes home and tells Sakina and Sabino about what she saw. Obviously they don’t believe her and an argument ensues. They can’t understand why she’d speak ill of the king and queen, and she’s trying so hard to plead her case. At one point, she accidentally hurts Sabino’s feelings by saying that realistically speaking, the odds of his wish being granted are slim to none. She feels awful about what she said and she tries one last time to convince them. Sakina gently but firmly tells her to stop and “When you’re older, you’ll understand.” Asha is left stunned and alone as Sakina tends to a tired and upset Sabino. Overwhelmed, she leaves the house and runs into the woods. She's trying so hard not to break down.

“This Wish”: This version of the song, much like in the movie, sees Asha wish for a way to help Rosas. However, it also conveys her internal struggle of letting herself feel some semblance of hope for the first time in a long time. She initially pulls back and scoffs at the idea of wishing on a star or even believing that things in Rosas will change, but as the song goes on, she caves into what her heart is telling her as opposed to what her head is telling her. It’s worth noting that each time she considers wishing on a star, it’s instigated by her looking at her bracelet. Akin to “Part of Your World,” after so much build-up, the song ends on a soft but powerful note where Asha finally wishes on a star (she still has serious doubts, but there's a sliver of cautious optimism shining through).

pt.2 / pt.3 / pt.4 / pt.5

[letterex-fyofm]

probably the worst idea i've ever had (ft. hq rarepair that i've never seen anyone discuss before)

So, I have I think more than thirty tskym fics in my docs (none of them are fully complete) and recently I've been working on one that was supposed to be a one-shot yet it escalated and it's growing to be its full monster.

Without sharing much, it revolves around Tadashi and Kei's relationship, with it tempting to cross the lines from really-close-friends to something more - yet without ever making the real jump. I also projected my experience with comphet and realising I was bisexual and the internalized homophobia I first faced - and since my favourite character of all Haikyuu is Tadashi, well, I used him as my guinea pig.

The thing is, I wanted to include a Tsukki pair that was not TsukkiYama, KuroTsuki, TsukiKage or TsukiHina, since they wouldn't really fit in the story. I was scrolling on twitter and boom.

Hear me out: TeruTsuki - don't click off yet.

Listen, does it make sense? Absolutely not. I think Tsukki would be annoyed as hell with Terushima - yet I actually am starting to like the idea of them as a messy fwb situation, where there are no strings attached and they just vibe.

So, I think Teruyama is a pretty popular ship and although I have no problems (because why would I have) if someone ships it, I never could get totally behind it. Like, I guess it's fun, yet I also think Tadashi would never like someone like Terushima. And I think people like it more because it gives the chance to write about Punk!Yamaguchi, which I think it's a funny concept yet I'm not a fan of because I always find myself missing the actual/canon Tadashi.

Yet...Terutsuki? That could be funny and almost even plausible without changing their personalities - too much.

I feel so stupid - this is all this user's fault.

And this one too

TELL ME YOU CAN'T SEE IT? There's something cooking here.

And just imagine the amount of drama it would cause. For context, when I write jealousy I usually write Tsukki kind of depressed and with self-esteem issues (because, same) - which is great for angst and character/relationship study! Yet, I've realised that writing jealousy with Tadashi has so much potential to be funny AS FUCK.

He was two seconds from barking at Koganegawa just because he called Kei "Tsukki". Just imagine how funny it would be if Tsukki was suddenly going out with freaking Terushima.

I imagine him just being like "What the fuck, Tsukki. Since when do you like punks? He has a tongue piercing for fucks sake! Who cares if he is on the top of his class - his hair is piss coloured!"

And I think it would be even funnier if Kei and Terushima didn't actually have any sort of feelings for the other. Like, I'm not saying as in they are fake-dating, but like more as friends that occasionally make out because one, it's fun. Two, Terushima is figuring things out. Three, Kei wants to move on from whatever the hell happened between Yamaguchi and him and he is going to do it - in one way or another.

They are both using the other for something, yet it is not unhealthy since they are pretty open about it.

So, what if Tsukki wants to make Tadashi a bit jealous? Terushima doesn't mind - he is enjoying it even.

I have no words to express how disappointed I am of myself.

[lucascsinclairs]

I got an ask about my gif making process, and my reply started getting way too long so I figured I'd make an updated gif tutorial/a rundown of what my giffing process looks like today. I hope this is helpful!

The anon mentioned how they really want to start making gif posts but they don't know how to, and I really was in that same spot three years ago, seeing all the pretty gifs people were making and wanting to do the same thing but just not knowing how.

I taught myself to make gifs from many different tutorials I found on here, and now years later my method is a mix-match of all of them. In this post I’ll go through my personal process but first I will link some great resource blogs that have more in-depth tutorials and resources on all different aspects of gif-making.

Both @usergif and @completeresources have great organized tutorial pages that I check all the time for different techniques. They’re so helpful! For beginners I’d recommend *these * *tutorials* for example.

For a walkthrough of my giffing process, keep reading!

First steps

Alright, let's start with the basics: I make my gifs on Photoshop and I currently have the 2023 version, so keep that in mind when looking at the screenshots I included, since there can me small differences between versions.

There are really two main ways to start out the giffing process on Photoshop. You can take consequent screenshots of the scene you want to gif and then use ‘Scripts’ and ‘Load Files into Stack’ to load them into Photoshop. I used to use this method before, and my previous giffing tutorial explains all the steps for it, as do the gif tutorials I linked. 

But these days I use the other method, which involves making a shorter clip of the scene you want to gif and then using 'File' > ‘Import’ > ‘Video Frames to Layers’ to import the clip into Photoshop.

The difference between the two methods isn’t really that big, just up to personal preference and what fits your workflow best. I think the reason why I switched over was just cause I found it annoying dealing with all the screenshots.

My current process starts with opening a clip I want to gif with ‘Video Frames to Layers’. In the window that opens, I use the little arrows to select the exact shot I want to use. Here it's good to include a couple frames from before and after the exact shot you want to gif. That way you can make sure to get the whole shot included.

When the frames load up, this is what my set up view looks like. It might look different depending on the version of Photoshop, and also depending on your personal customizations, but this is what my workspace looks like. In order to get this view, make sure you have 'Timeline' selected from the 'Window' menu from the top bar.  

Real quick to help make the tutorial more clear even if you’re not that familiar with Photoshop yet, the three main views I’ll be talking about are the frames, the layers and then the adjustments. Frames are the little film-reel-looking horizontal row on the bottom, and the layers are the vertical stacked row on the right. I have the adjustments on the right above the layers.

To start off, we’ll be working with frames. Since I selected some extra buffer frames from the clip in the import phase, now I'll first delete those frames that I don’t need by selecting a frame and then clicking the little trash can icon under the row of frames. When you are left with the shots you want to use, go to the menu of the three little lines on the top right of the frames view and pick ‘Select All Frames’.

Now that they’re all selected, you can set the frame delay. This basically just means how “quick” your gif will be. There are different preferences to this, but generally you’d want to pick a delay from 0.05 to maybe 0.1 for really short gifs that you need to be slower. My go-to is a frame delay of 0.07.

Whichever number you go with, you’ll chance it by clicking the tiny downward arrow on one of the frames (with all the frames selected). From the window, pick ‘Other’ and then type in your number.

Resizing and cropping

After this it’s time to resize and crop your gif. Here there are again some different methods you can use, in my previous tutorial I used the Crop tool and then resized the image. But these days I do this in a different way. Again, what way you use is all up to preference.

So what I do is make sure that all the frames are selected, and then from the menu I pick ‘Copy Frames’. After copying the frames, I make a whole new file from ‘File’ and ‘New’. This will be the canvas where I’ll make the final product of the gif, making it the exact size I want the gif to be. I prefer this method because with it you can alter the cropped area easier to see what looks best. Also this way if you’ve initially loaded a lot of unnecessary frames that you deleted previously, this way only the layers that are left transfer over and it’s less bloated in the layers panel.

In the "New Document' window pick your gif size (keep in mind the Tumblr dimensions of 540 pixels wide for big, all-across gifs, and 268 pixels wide for side-by-side gifs). With today’s gif I went with the dimensions of 540x450.

When the new file opens up, select ‘Create Video Timeline’, then from the bottom left corner click ‘Convert to Frame Animation’ and then from the three-line menu select ‘Paste Frames’. After your frames load in, you can delete the first blank frame.

Now you will resize and crop your gif. Make sure to select all frames again and then press CTRL/Command + T to activate the Transform tool. Use the guide lines that appeared to drag and resize the gif to fit your canvas. Play the gif by clicking the play button under the frame row to test how it moves within the canvas and move it around until it looks right. You can also go and change the canvas size from ‘Image’ and ‘Canvas Size’ if you want to.

At this point my gif looks like this:

When you’re happy with the cropping, it’s time to start adjusting the gif!

Lighting

For coloring and lighting the gif, we’ll move over to the right to the Layers panel. Make sure you have the top layer selected. We will be using Adjustment Layers to change the appearance of the gif, and they will change the layers below them, so this way we make sure the changes apply to all layers. 

There really are so many ways you can edit and adjust your gifs, these are just the methods I use the most. So, open up the Adjustments view and let’s get started!

(side note: Lighting dark scenes is a whole different topic, so for this basic tutorial I picked a well-lit shot so we won’t have to worry about all of that when lighting it.)

I usually start with the Curves layer. Pick the bottom eyedropper tool on the left, with the white tip. With this, click on the brightest part of the gif to set the white point. This is especially useful with gifs that have some kind of a color tint (for example the green hue in the Hawkins Lab flashback scenes). By picking the white point, it will adjust not only the lighting but also the hues of the gif.

After picking the initial white point, you can go in and adjust. From the RGB dropdown menu, pick the individual color channel (Red, Green, Blue) and drag and adjust the curve until the colors and lighting look good to you. Here again, it’s all up to your personal preference. I personally prefer coloring that is more on the warmer side, so in this phase I usually strengthen the reds in the gif and tone down the greens. Remember, this is just the first phase of coloring, it doesn’t have to look perfect right away. 

Next, go back to Adjustments and make another Curves layer on top of the first one. This time pick the top eyedropper tool with the black tip. Then click on the darkest part of the gif to set the black point. I don’t always do this, especially with dark scenes, but in neutral lighting like this, it can help with the contrast and make the coloring more vivid. Here you can once again adjust the RGB curves individually until you’re happy with the result. Oh but don’t think we’re done with the Curves layers just yet! After the white point and black point layers, I usually open a third Curves adjustment layer for lighting the gif. Here I usually stick to the overall curve, not going into the individual color channel ones. I drag and adjust the curve to make the lighting of the gif look good. And here’s what my gif looks like with all the Curves layers:

The brightness is starting to look pretty good now, but I’ll just add a couple more adjustment layers that I usually use. Again, this is just my process, all the layers aren't always essential and their usefulness really varies depending on the specific shot you’re working with. My advice, especially when starting out with adjustment layers, is to try out different adjustments to see what they do and how they make the gif look. If it looks bad, no worries, just CTRL/Command+Z it away!

So at this point I usually apply a Levels layer to brighten a little and then to deepen the shadows a bit to up the contrast. Then a Brightness/Contrast layer and maybe an Exposure layer to help do the same thing. I find that by using the different tools and making small adjustments in each one, it makes the lighting look nice. After these layers, here’s what the gif looks like:

Coloring

Now it’s time for the actual coloring! My favorite part! There are a billion different ways to color a gif and a billion different styles to go for. Here I’ll be doing a pretty neutral, natural coloring, but I also love my exaggerated, color-themed sets. Let me know if you’d like to hear my tips for those in another post!

With my workflow, I usually begin coloring with a Selective Color adjustment layer. And on there, I tend to always go straight for the Yellow view. There my go-to is to drag down the Cyan slider, since like I mentioned, I usually go for a warm-toned look. Here again my advice is to just mess around with the different sliders, see what they do, test them out to find a coloring you like. You can do the same thing with the Hue and Saturation layer, picking different colors in the gif and adjusting them to how you want them to look. The shot we’re working with doesn’t need a ton of color manipulation, so I won’t be doing too much with these layers, but they allow you to make some really cool colorful stuff! 

The Color Balance adjustment is up next, and it’s great at unifying the colors and also making the color shades look nicer after lighting. Especially with dark gifs, brightening a scene can make the darks look a bit muddy, so editing the Shadows of Color Balance can help with that. 

And lastly when I’m done with all the coloring layers, I apply a Vibrance layer on top, usually to up the Vibrance and Saturation, since I love my bright saturated colors. This shot is pretty bright on its own so I won’t have to tweak it a lot. 

Once I’ve got all the adjustment layers in place, I’ll usually group all of them together. You can do this by selecting all the adjustment layers and then pressing CTRL/Command+G to put them into a group folder. I like to have it organized like that and it also makes it easier to look between the original gif and the adjusted one by toggling the little eye icon on the left of the folder. This way you can check if there’s something you still want to change, or if you want to tone down some adjustments. With today’s gif I went and lightened the shadows a little. But after that I was happy with the coloring, and the gif looked like this:

Sharpening

It’s almost time to export the final product! But before that I'll sharpen the gif. I know many people like to sharpen their gifs before coloring them, that’s a pretty common way to do it. This is just the order I learned to do this in. I think it’s fun to sharpen last so that it’s kind of like a final polish to the gif! 

To prep the gif for sharpening, go to the bottom left of the frames and select ‘Convert to video timeline’. Now go back to the right and select all the layers in the layers view, the adjustment layers and all. Then with all of them selected, right-click to open a menu and from it, pick ‘Convert to Smart Object’. Now your layers are all in one object.

From the top row menu, pick ‘Filter’ then ‘Sharpen’ and ‘Smart Sharpen’. In the window that opens, pick these settings:

Then repeat the same thing, with the Smart Object still selected but now apply these settings:

(I have made these steps into an action, so I can do it with a simple click)

Exporting

With the sharpening done, our gif is ready!

To export it, go to ‘File’ and ‘Export’ and ‘Save for Web (Legacy).

A window opens up showing you the export settings. The first thing I do in this window is check the size of the gif, which can be found in the bottom left under the preview image. The Tumblr gif size limit is 10MB, so you need to stay below that. If the gif is bigger, I go back and make it shorter by deleting frames from the start or end of the gif. There are other ways to reduce the file size, but this is usually what I do. With today’s gif the size is around 5MB so we’re all good!

If you want to preview the gif in a moving form, click ‘Preview’ from under the file size, and it will open in your browser.

On the right of the preview image in the Export window you can see a bunch of different settings. In the screenshot you can see the settings I use, you can test them out and then tweak them to your liking. I usually keep them the same, though sometimes if there’s some pixelation in areas of the gif I test switching out ‘Adaptive’ to ‘Selective’ or ‘Diffusion’ to ‘Pattern’. But these are the settings I use in 99% of my gifs, and what I have found give the nicest end result for me.

When you’re all set with the settings you can save your gif into its folder and then you’re all done!

So there we have it! A basic rundown of my giffing process. I tried to keep it as clear and informative as possible, but I know I can get rambly so I hope this was helpful! For more details and tips, please refer to the tutorials I linked. There really are so many useful tutorials on here to learn from.

Lastly I'll add that making gifs is a creative art form and a skill like any other. You aren't going to be perfect at it on your first try, it takes practice and trial and error. When I look back on my first gifs I can see a hundred things that I would fix now that I have more experience. And the same will for sure be the case if I look at my current posts a couple years from now.

Figuring things out, learning what you like to gif and developing your style is what I find the most fun about the whole gif making process. I've been making them for three years now and I can say that I've developed a style that feels my own. And I swear, every time I see someone leave a tag to my post saying that they like my coloring and the style of my gifs, it always makes me so happy.

If you're thinking of starting to make gifs, I say go for it, give it a go, and have fun with it! 💛

[essence-of-nothingness]

Airy's Behavior

I got bored and decided to write a doc about Airy's behavior. This is kinda a part two of "Airy is in his Mid-40s" You don't have to read that one to understand this one, but it's always there if you want to read it. One last thing this is all speculation from what I have seen in the show, basically headcanons, so have fun and enjoy.

The original doc will be linked here if you want to read it there instead and see the sources.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EPfznYB8tEg66nNoyGUxJxPvPwS2evl-0XBTvO-X2Us/edit?usp=sharing

This entire doc is about Airy’s behavior, from how smart I think he is, to his social interactions, and relationships, how the isolation affected him, and more. All of this is my headcanons about ONE on the information that is present in the show and Mini Series. I don’t mind if you have your own opinions, this is just something that I made for myself.

In the three to four years that I have spent in the fandom, I have noticed that in many characterizations Airy makes it out that Airy is an innocent baby who is unaware of his wrongdoing. As I mentioned before, I don’t mind if this is how he is characterized since everyone is entitled to how they think a character is. I’d say that Airy is aware that what he is doing is wrong. Airy’s just not entirely aware and/or he just doesn't care as long as he gets entertained or gets any form of social interaction. 

Intelligence

From what details that we do see in the show Airy is smart. When it comes to topics or things that don't relate to socializing, like survival, coding, coercing, etc. Airy can do those things well. 

Survival

For example survival, he spent around a decade in the middle of the woods with no books or anything to help him with survival. He built an entire cabin all on his own, built a campfire, and generally knew his way around the woods. This tells me that he at least had some knowledge of how to build a cabin, because from what we have seen he didn’t have a manual on how to build a cabin. Also, this early on he didn't know how to properly use the computer yet or the coding that it involved. In the miniseries, we see that Airy can see things back from his original home on Earth through the security cameras. To build a cabin you need to know how much wood you might need, how big it should be, what materials are necessary, how to put it all together, and insulation. On top of that, he also made furniture for the cabin, including a makeshift bed, a table, a stool, and probably the ax itself, maybe since we don’t see the ax in the flashback. All of this shows that Airy is smart when it comes to survival. He knows how to build a shelter, furniture, how to make a fire, etc. 

Coding

Another thing that I would like to add is the computer itself. From the few scenes that we do see of what the computer monitor looks like the information that is present is confusing. I’m not a coder myself or have any knowledge of coding but the code itself looked confusing and on top of that there were icons in the bottom left corner. Many icons depicted smiling faces and growing ones, and when Liam clicked on them they made these waving lines whatever they were. The very fact that Airy was able to figure out all of the coding for that computer by himself and he most likely had to teach himself. That takes a lot of dedication especially since some of the coding required for that computer includes some things that normal coding wouldn’t because some of the abilities that AIry had through the computer were the ability to revive the dead, teleportation, and shrinking/bigger people and items. 

Coercing

The main reason why Airy in the show seems incompetent is because of the way he communicates,  his attention is all over the place, and he doesn't seem to notice when people are in danger unless it’s right in front of him. But I feel like Airy to a certain extent is aware of how to behave when it comes to interacting with others. Of course, his socializing skills have been diminished because of the years of isolation. But I feel like he is aware that what he is doing is wrong to some small extent and also how and when it is necessary to manipulate certain situations. 

Eliminations

The entire elimination process in a way was a form of coercion, this is most prevalent with Liam/Backpack, Bryce/Soda Bottle, and most infamous of all Amelia/Scenty.

In episode 17 “You Move, I Send” we learn more about Season ONE, and to calm down the people he accidentally kidnapped he lies and tells them that they were chosen to compete in a competition. While this might have been accidental at first, I feel like later on it helped Airy to get what he wanted. By telling both the Season One and more specifically the Season Two ‘contestants’ that they were competing for a prize and that there was an audience watching, he could get them to do what he wanted and he knew that. This is important because the ‘contestants’ know people are watching and it forces them to comply more, especially to those who want to leave or want the prize. Of course, there is no audience it’s all Airy. He's the one who's choosing who gets to stay or who gets to leave. 

The elimination is more of a motivator than ever for the people who want to escape like Amelia’s/Scenty's team or Amelia herself. Throughout ONE she saw that other teams or people were getting chosen to get eliminated instead of her. Seeing all of this, Scenty knowing that the viewers don’t want her eliminated despite her cries and plead eventually causes her to not care about eliminations as much. This in addition to the 7 months absence caused Scenty to eventually not even want to go back home as seen in episode 16 “Bottle Episode” Of course the 7 months absence wasn’t planned at all but in seeing that viewers much rather choose someone else other than her, Airy was able to get Amelia to somewhat want to stay. Therefore making her more compliant in the competition. 

For Liam and Bryce, they were able to escape in time thanks to the help of Stone, but you could see this process a bit in both of them. By the time episode 9 came out Liam had gotten used to living on the Plane and with the earlier episodes Liam kept saying “There's always next time” but as the episodes passed especially with the drowning Liam began to give up a bit. 

Liam 

Some situations that included some form of coercion were shown in episode 17 and  “You Move, I Send” where you can see certain scenes where Airy did something or said something to get Liam to do what he wanted.

During the cave scene, Airy saw that Liam was about to smash the computer. Airy knew that if he didn't do something Liam would destroy his work (ONE) and he wouldn’t be able to continue it. He also knew because of Liam’s outburst that he wanted the contestants to be freed. So using this information Airy said “That computer controls everything that I do. If you destroy it, I won’t be able to send the contestants back” This statement was able to get Liam to calm down a bit and to destroy the computer. 

During the marsh scene when Airy saw that Liam had the cassette parts he ‘promised’ to send the contestants to get back the cassette tape. Airy knew that Liam wouldn’t give him the cassette if he didn’t agree to let the contestants go. Airy of course didn’t want that but just lied to get it back. Later on, while Liam is asleep we see that Airy decided to do another challenge while Liam was asleep. I think Airy knew that this was something that Liam wouldn’t like since he made the promise earlier and also because he did it on the cover of the night. In the end, he still had the cassette tape. 

In addition to not destroying the computer, Airy is the only one who knows how that computer functions. Liam needs Airy to send the contestants back whether he wants his help or not. Liam can threaten Airy all he wants or wants but if he did do something then he wouldn’t be able to help out his friends. We can see this happening in the finale, Airy died and we see Liam trying to figure out how the computer functions.

Isolation

Although I do believe that Airy was aware of some of the things he did, I also believe that he did have issues with social interaction. Since he was in isolation for a long time, a decade to be specific. In addition to that the isolation also led to some of his behavior and the way that he acted sometimes. Some of these behaviors include the way that he talks, and interacts with the ‘contestants’ and the way he views his relationship with the contestants. 

Throughout the show, we see that Airy has some difficulty talking. This includes things such as messing up his words, his monotone voice, talking slowly, etc. This makes sense because, in those ten years of isolation, he didn’t have anyone to talk to. He claimed that there was no one else in his Forest dimension, and as far as we have seen there don’t appear to be any other animals. It’s just Airy, and because of this, there was no reason for Airy to talk at all. Since he didn’t need to talk he didn’t have to worry about his tone of voice, how fast he talked, or worry if he messed up his speech. He most likely stopped talking the majority of the time and focused more of his time and attention on working on the computer’s code, building his cabin, or just surviving. All of this led to him sounding the way he does once ONE season two started.

Social and Mental Effects 

In addition to not talking to anyone, we can now talk about the isolation portion and how it affected him socially and mentally.

Being alone for so long can be detrimental to a person’s mental and social life, as we can see in Airy’s case it affected the way that he talked, the way he expressed emotions, and the way he interacted with the contestants. It is shown throughout ONE that Airy has had some difficulties when it comes to interacting with his ‘contestants’. There's a big reason for that, according to research isolation can cause a person to miss social cues, difficulties with regulation of emotions and/or feelings, emotional detachment from social interaction, cognitive decline (memory, attention, and language), and loss of identity. These are just a few examples, all of which can be seen in Airy. 

Social cues in cases whenever another character seems distressed, he doesn't seem to care or notice unless someone is dead or physically hurt. 

Difficulties with regulating emotions and feelings, most of the time when Airy is heard or seen he sounds bored, monotone, and interested. The only time we see Airy express emotion is when he makes those clouds, whenever he talks about ONE “I think I’m doing a pretty good job”, whenever he's watching the contestants, when he is in pain, about to get killed/die, or in confusion. Other than that he had a blank look on his face. 

Whenever he talks to the contestants he doesn't sound attached or whenever he talks to Liam he doesn't seem attached. Although I do argue that he was attached, I’ll explain it later on, but in simpler words, I feel like he was more attached to the idea of the contestants and having someone to interact with rather than the person themselves. 

Cognitive decline, we know due to some scenes that Airy has difficulty with his memory, attention span, language, and learning skills. Memory in the case that he can’t remember his real name, he can’t remember how to properly interact with others, most likely doesn't remember his past life, and the entire thing with giving the contestant nicknames because it was easier to remember. Attention spans in cases where even though he loves ONE and is the only thing he cares about there are times when Airy claims he didn’t see something when it did happen. Stone stuffing the sticky notes inside of Liam, Moldy team reaching the tree/bush. When Liam came to his world Airy just kept changing topics constantly. Language is obvious in the case where he speaks slowly and monotone. Everything he says sounds like a sentence when it shouldn’t. 

Lastly, I would like to add that the way you behave and act can be dedicated to the culture and society that you grew up/lived around. People are very adaptable and you can very much learn how to behave or change your behavior depending on where you are. But what happens if you don’t have anyone to base your identity on? You begin to lose your self-identity, we can see this happen in ONE with Airy he doesn't know his real name, he barely talks about his past life, and all that he identifies himself with is being the Host of ONE.

Relationships

Now that we covered how smart he can be and how the isolation has affected him. Now I can talk about how it affects his relationship with the contestants and ONE.

Contestants

Since he is the host of ONE he has to maintain a distance when it comes to forming attachments when he can to the contestants otherwise it would’ve caused a bias. Which I think happened when I came to Amelia. Why do I think this? Well in every elimination up until episode 16, every time that Amelia was put up for elimination she was never the one chosen. This was the same situation with Liam, every time he was up for elimination he was never chosen despite having a broken leg and dying. The only reason he eliminated Liam was because he was the last one on his team. 

Remember that Airy has been in isolation for a decade and hasn’t had a proper social interaction for a long time. Being with the contestants and having them talk back probably made Airy have some bias towards those who talked to him the most. Most likely because even if he didn't consciously want it he would’ve craved some form of company. Throughout ONE the only people who interacted with Airy the most, as in calling for him, calling him out on unfairness, insulting him, etc, constantly were Amelia, Liam, and Bryce. The other contestants either talk very little or not at all towards Airy. The people who stayed the longest and were brought back were those who talked to him the most. 

We can also see this with Liam when he arrives at Airy’s world. When Liam fell that waterfall or that tree crushed him when he tried to kill Airy. Airy could’ve just let Liam fall and drown or left him to rot underneath that tree that way he would’ve stayed safe or could’ve continued ONE without Liam interfering. Though Airy didn’t do that, he wanted Liam alive because he knew that Liam was and would be the only person who would be with him for who knows how long.

ONE

Imagine yourself in Airy’s shoes for a second.

You just died in a horrible car crash and the next thing you know you wake up in this weird liminal space room with two waiting room chairs, a table, and a radio. You see maybe a few other people pop in here and there but they don't notice or care about you. They all seem to focus on some invisible person off in the distance and said person running towards them into the horizon. 

Not knowing what to do, you sit down and flip through the radio. Every time you lift the antenna you get transported to a different dimension, a hostile dimension where you keep dying over and over and over and over. Each time is just as traumatizing as the last until one day you lift the antenna and end up in a tranquil forest. There doesn’t seem to be any kind of threat, it’s nice and quiet, but it’s lonely. Do you risk dying leaving this tranquil forest probably never seeing another place like this again? No, you stay.

Over the next few months, you build a cabin, a fireplace, and all the essentials you need but you can’t help but mess around with the computer in the cave, it’s the only thing of interest in that world. You also discover that you can create planets, so you decide to see if you can do anything with these two things. Then one day while messing with the computer you accidentally teleport people onto your little planet. 

You panic and lie, saying they were chosen to compete in a competition and that there was a prize at the end. Before you can finish the season, you accidentally kill all of them. Later on, while trying to make amends to those Season One contestants you begin to put more time, effort, dedication, and supplies into this show, in hopes of making a better season. At some point ONE is your entire life, everything you do now is to further progress towards ONE. 

At this point you have forgotten your entire identity, your past life gone to time, you barely remember your real name anymore, your entire identity is stripped away and all that is left behind is an empty husk of a person that was once you. So you begin identifying with the show, this show is all you have left. If you quit on this show you have nothing left to go by, your entire life is now gone.

Who Is Airy?

When you are completely isolated and stripped of everything that you once knew in life, everything that makes you gone. Of course, you're going to hold onto whatever you can. Airy by the time Season Two started having everything he knew gone. His name, home, friends, family. All he had left was his cassette tape, his cabin, and ONE. ONE was the only thing that made him happy, the only thing that motivated him to keep going. By the time that ONE started he began identifying himself by that show. His entire identity now revolves around the show, all the prepping, learning, choosing, and waiting that he did was dedicated to ONE.  He was the HOST and the thought of it being taken away from him was gone, the one thing left he had, his entire remaining identity he didn’t like. Of course, he didn’t, what was the lives of innocents to maintain your sanity, your identity? If ONE was gone, who was Airy? What did he dedicate an entire decade to? What was the point of making amends to those he killed in Season One? Giving up ONE would be like dying all over again. 

This was also the reason why he wanted the cassette tape back so badly because it was one of the only things that let him identify back to his old life. That life he barely remembered, the only thing left from that forgotten past. 

Airy didn’t want to stop the show because he was a genuinely bad guy, most of it was because he didn’t want to lose what he had left. Of course that doesn’t excuse his actions, he still needs to be held accountable. But this does explain why Airy acts the way that he does, some part of him does know that what he is doing is wrong, but if he admits that then that means that his entire identity was bad and do you think you want to identify as a bad guy? I can explain why ignores their pleas of despair and why he is disinterested in stopping ONE.

Conclusion

This was an entire doc dedicated to why I believe Airy behaves the way that he does like the coercing, how he behaves with the contestants, and his relationship with ONE. Along with his intelligence and how he is not as incompetent as he is made out to be.

[kylermalloy]

hiiiiiiii <33 🍓🥝 🛼🧩

Hiiiiii 🥰❤️😘

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

Ooh okay Kyler lore time! I’ve literally been writing fanfic since I was three or four, writing (and illustrating!) my own stories of my favorite childhood characters. I had two multigifted older siblings, so much of my early childhood was spent sitting still and quiet at band concerts, dance recitals, sports events and academic competitions. My mom always diligently packed me a bag of things to do, including books and stickers and blank notebooks to write and draw in. So I became a connoisseur of stories from a young age! But of course I didn’t know that it was called fanfiction, or that it was a hobby anyone else had. I soon moved onto writing my own stories with original characters.

The real answer to this is that I got big into Twilight fandom as a thirteen year old, and I happened across fanfiction dot net looking for content. After marveling at the fact that other people made up stories like this too? And shared them??? and after reading a few for myself, I thought, “I could totally do this too (and better.)” So I began my first true fanfic. And I’ve slipped in and out of writing since, but I always come back to it! It’s fun!

🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told?

I lie a lot to my students. They’re fourteen and nosy, and they don’t need to know everything about my life! I lie and tell them exciting things I did over the weekend. I lie when I do exciting things over the weekend that they wouldn’t understand. I lie and tell them that I’m single. I lie and tell them that yes, this worksheet is for a grade, so you have to do it. I think the last lie that I told a kid was just before we let out for the summer, that you’ll love that kind of summer job! It’ll be fun!

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

👑🔪🌱😵💍

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

There’s no one thing. If I’m trying to read something and it’s poorly written (ie unrealistic dialogue, really really bad grammar or formatting, characters acting OOC in a way that breaks immersion), I’ll call it quits. But that’s different for every fandom/set of characters. Sometimes I like the OOC-ness, and sometimes it’s too much. If the paragraphs are too long, I’ll either shove the fic in a screenreader instead, or just give up. (Usually if there are distractingly long paragraphs in a fic, that’s not the only writing problem the author has.)

Send me writing asks!

[fennybunny]

HIRO HAMADA X READER

You can check out chapter one here

CHAPTER TWO

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰

𝗙𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴

▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰

The next day both the brothers were waking at the Cafe since it was too crowded.

"I'm not saying she didn’t lie to us or that the place isn’t dangerous at all. What I’m saying is that I want to go check it out"

"You must be crazy if you think either me or Aunt Cass will let you go"

"Go where?"

Aunt Cass got between the two boys cleaning her hands from the flour of the donuts she was kneading and waited for an answer with a big smile.

"Nothing!"

They said in unison. Neither of them could let a detail slip or both of them would get in trouble. Tadashi because he shouldn’t have given a ride to his sibling, who already has a gambling problem, to a bot fight, and Hiro because he shouldn’t be out during the night to bet more money. They gave each other a terrorized look and then served their aunt the fakest smile they had ever pulled. She gave them a suspicious look and crossed her arms.

"You boys know you can tell me anything right? What is it? Puberty? Hormones?"

Hiro pushed his hands on her mouth to shut her up.

"Please stop, this is embarrassing and everyone's looking at us!"

She moved her nephew’s hands away from her face.

"Oh come on, no one's listening to our conversation"

That's when Tadashi stools his hand out pointing it to the people sitting at the tables. A few of the clients immediately lowered their heads to go back to what they were doing. Some coughed creating an even more embarrassing atmosphere. Cass rolled her eyes and lowered the two boys so they could meet her height then started squishing them together in a loving but lethal embrace.

"You guys know how much I love you. My nephews. My family. You are growing so much and so fast, soon you'll want to leave the nest and fly away to start your own life and I'll feel so lonely!"

She started sobbing and pulled out a tissue from her pocket to blow her nose while Tadashi gently patted her back to calm her down. Hiro spoke.

"Come on we're still young and none of us will ever abandon you"

"You promise?"

"Scout's honor"

Tadashi said sticking one hand up and putting the other on his chest. That's when it clicked. She put her hands on their ears and started pulling bringing their faces closer to each other as the two boys started hissing from the pain.

"Then where were you last night? And why did you come back at 2 am?"

Their faces got paler and both of them started blabbering and stuttering to try and get an excuse out of their mouths. She let go of them and in a couple of minutes managed to get all the clients out. She pushed two tables together to create a bigger one and three chairs under it, one on one side and two on the opposite side.

"Sit"

They took a sit and Aunt Cass followed them facepalming herself and farrowing her brows between her fingers.

"You know I don't like acting like the bad guy but sneaking out of the house at night. You guys could have gotten endangered or worse... What if something happened to you? I would never forgive myself"

They looked at each other and decided to tell all the truth about last night, including the fact that Tadashi fell asleep on his school work, and the mysterious woman until Tess shook her head.

"Listen... Hiro, I'm not saying that it wouldn’t be interesting for you but you have to admit that it could be dangerous"

Tadashi spoke up while slapping the back of his brother’s head.

"Thank you!"

"But if you want I can give you a ride and stay with you for the whole night until you're bot hunger dies"

Hiro was speechless, his eyes glowing for the big opportunity ahead.

"BUT you'll have to give a chance to your brother's university and of course, you're both grounded for two weeks which means no bot fights or going out with friends until the punishment is over"

Hiro slammed his face straight into the table in a dramatic manner while his brother shook his head accepting the consequences of his actions. He knew it was the right thing to do and Hiro knew it too but it was still two weeks of staying at home, two weeks where he couldn’t be helpful and so much time wasted.

Cass patted Hiro's hands in a comforting manner.

"Dashi you can go now, but I want to have a private discussion with you Hiro"

The older brother got up and whispered a "Good luck" into his brother's ear then vanished upstairs. Hiro also got up as soon as he could no longer hear the steps from upstairs. Aunt Cass put her hands on his shoulders and got quick to hug him.

"It was really sweet of you to try to help me financially, but we don’t need it. The business is going well and it’s not something you should be worried about. You’ve already lost your childhood by going to high school, and I don’t want you wasting your teenage years."

Hiro smiled pushing his face into her shoulder. Cass had always been so sweet to him and he knew that. Tadashi was young when it all happened and soon took the role of the big brother growing up but Hiro... he doesn’t even remember his parents' faces or voices, he was just a baby so the closest thing he ever had to a parent was Cass. She always did her best for both of them and loved them as if they were her kids. The young boy took a few steps back and went to his room. One step... two steps... three steps... he stood still and a tear ran down his cheek. He quickly cleaned it with her off his hoodie and went to his room. That night he spent the dinner explaining to his aunt how botfights worked and fixing his strategy with his brother. After dinner they got in the car and went to the place signaled on the map the woman had given them. They arrived 10 minutes before the opening. It was a 5-floor building. The first and second floors were occupied by a huge shopping center, just looking at it from outside Hiro could see restaurants and clothes stores, the big glass shop windows making it easy to do so; on the third floor there was a gym, one of those expensive ones whose monthly subscription cost a kidney; the fourth floor was a multiplex cinema, the posters of the films of the moment were hung on the outside wall and ran all over the wall from both sides, there could be even seen the romantic movie Cassie wanted him and his brother to go see with her 'blood and passion'. Dashi had been the first one to decline the offer soon followed by Hiro. And finally the fifth floor. There was a private elevator just to that floor and right there in front of it was a mile-long line of at least 250 people.

"Are we joking now? We arrived early and there's still so much to wait just to get there?"

Dashi furrowed his eyebrows annoyed but Hiro was too excited to even notice it. A few minutes passed after they got in line and waited patiently. He took out his phone and checked the time: 10:29. He saw the two big men in front of the elevator start to let people inside in groups of 5, this was it. After 30 minutes the three were finally in the R2W club. It had dim lights with LEDs and paintings on the walls, some read "fight time" and others just indicated the main arenas. The local was huge and even if they had just gotten there it already smelled like cheeseburgers. Some people were sitting at the bar and already drinking something that looked anything but apple juice, I mean maybe there was some apple juice in it but certainly it was mixed with whiskey or vodka. Aunt Cass immediately left the two alone as she proceeded to the bar and Hiro went to the registration desk for the tournament.

"Hello I'm here for the tournament"

The boy on the other side of the desk had bubble gum in his mouth and was chewing it intensely, he had a zoned-out look and looked as if he didn’t want to be there. So all he did was slide a form on the table in his direction.

"If you are of legal age you must fill in the form and enter your personal data and bot parameters, otherwise an adult will have to fill it out for you. If you are an unaccompanied minor, security will be called to escort you out"

He blew the chewing gum he was chewing in a bubble and popped it loudly.

"Everything clear? Good because I won't repeat it"

Tadashi came behind him and picking up a pen from the table he started filling out the form.

"17 years old. Born in... Sanfransokyo... tall... 5" "

"Hey, I'm 5'9"! Don’t write that stuff there! When will you stop being so annoying?"

"Uhm excuse me"

A girl passed right next to him trying to make her way through between him and the group of guys complaining with the bored guy at the registration desk. Her soft but distinct perfume made Hiro turn his head to look at her. She was shorter than him, brunette with wavy hair. Black glasses that reflected the colorful light of the place. A blue hoodie and black skirt. And her red backpack looked full with all of the things she had stuffed in there. She looked a mix of different ethnicities. The eyes of the bored boy at the desk lit up with joy. All he could do was listen to the conversation.

"Hey, Fenny already back to the grand dungeon?"

"You know how I am. So who will I be fighting with tonight?"

She said after filling up her form. It was obligatory for every night players went so that it testimonies the fact that a certain person was there during the night. It was an easy way to be sure that if the police were called the owners of the place knew everyone who was there during the night and could easily find the culprit to make them pay but also an excuse for everyone not to call the police since they were all listed as guests for the nights.

"You know the usual, just a few random people, the strong ones and there's a new guy"

"A new guy? Who?"

"A kid, he's right behind you"

She turned around catching Hiro staring at her and she gave him a mix of a smile and a challenging expression.

"I'm Fen, welcome to the Mash Night new guy"

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

[modern-day-bard]

Other Duties As Assigned: A Joel Miller AU Fanfiction

Content Warning: 18+ This story includes mature themes such as drinking, stalking, violence, and explicit smut. Minors, do not interact.

word count: 4.8k

ao3 | wattpad

Chapter 19: Intrusion

Gwen

If staring worked like water, eroding ceilings over time until they discolor and eventually collapse, I’d be covered in drywall and looking into the eleventh floor by now.

For three nights, all I do is stare. I fall in and out of sleep when even the brightest burn of anger dies down to an amber, but worry is quick to bring me back, stoking the flames. I usually wake with a soft gasp, or a twitch of my arm, as if I’m subconsciously shocked to feel as afflicted as I do.

I had said too much. I could have just told Joel that this was unacceptable, and he needed to inform me of every new development. That was true. But I didn’t expect to take it as…a betrayal. The thought makes me pinch my eyes closed. It means I trust Joel enough to have expectations for him, and that means I let my own feelings take hold for far too long. He was here on a job. I was teetering on the edge of admitting things about him, and about the corporation, that I had never dared utter out loud. I let my anger guide my words, and it’s a small blessing that’s all that came out.

The annoying thing is, after three nights of ruminating, I now found what Joel did endearing. Overstepping? Absolutely. But endearing nonetheless. And what’s more is, he admitted it. He apologized, even. It hadn’t been even a week since the package arrived before he told me, and knowing how stressed he’s seemed at every event with my friends, the fact that he wanted me to go…and the fact that he noticed it was something I needed... It felt like he cared about me beyond just blocking someone from my path.

Now, while I pretend to sleep, I try not to think about how much he could care, and if it was the same way I did. Joel probably had that level of compassion towards every client. I felt like a schoolgirl with a crush, thinking I was somehow different or special. And even though it was my decision, I’m starting to regret not speaking to him these past few days. Maybe I should apologize in the morning. I could get him a coffee or something as a peace offering—

CRASH!

Glass shatters in the living room.

I’m not sure what it sounds like, to hear glass shattering in the living room from where I’m laying, until this very moment. I can’t think of what else that noise could be. I rack my brain of possible alternatives, coming up short in less than a few seconds. Rolling over, I yank my phone free from the charger, texting Joel immediately.

Me: Brandy

Not even a second later, he’s typing back.

Joel: Lock your door. Don’t come out until I say.

My heart pounds in my ears, and I move as quickly and quietly as I can to the doorway. I try to turn the lock slowly, so the clicking doesn’t ring out. Regardless, I still cringe as the lock slips into place.

A second crash sounds from the living room, and I cover my mouth to hide a small cry.

I hear Joel’s door open, though it’s quiet in comparison. I wish I could postpone the ringing in my ears so I could hear what’s happening in the living room, but I know there’s no more glass breaking right now. I don’t hear any voices either, just the soft padding of Joel’s stride down the hall. I find myself holding my breath, knowing that by now he must be able to see whoever is inside.

What if it’s a whole team of people against him?

I text Amari.

Me: 911 send help

Still, I hear nothing. What if they bound his mouth? Or they knocked him unconscious and didn’t let him hit the floor?

I’m startled when I hear erratic, quickened breathing, but I quickly realize it’s me. I cover my mouth, hoping it will stifle the hyperventilation.

Amari: on our way

My hands are shaking so badly I’m afraid I might drop my phone. Should I stay here by the doorway? Do I hide in the closet? I feel like any movement I make will be heard, and could encourage them to come seeking.

The silence is too loud, too noxious. Tears prick in my eyes. An image of Joel being beaten and bloody clouds my mind. I grab for the doorknob, hesitating.

Trust your instincts.

He had said it during our training session. I know he told me not to leave, but I couldn’t let him get hurt. And my instincts were screaming at me to move. With my still-shaking hands, I grab a marble bookend off of my dresser, gripping it until my knuckles turn white. I place my phone on the ground near the doorway, turning it on to record. If anything happens…at least there will be that evidence. Two more sharp inhales, and I unlock the door, hurling myself into the hallway, sprinting down to the living room.

The bookend is held high, ready to bring it down upon someone’s head, and I frantically search left and right for Joel. I notice two small lumps on the ground, but no people. No Joel.

Thud-ump, thud-ump, thud-ump.

All I hear is my heartbeat roaring as I continue to scan the living room. But there’s nothing. I take a step forward, noticing how one of the curtains flutters—

“Don’t move!” Someone bellows, making me scream. I turn, hosting the bookend higher, preparing to give them hell.

But it’s Joel. Just Joel. Standing by the kitchen island, a broom in his hand.

“There’s glass. Don’t take another step.” He commands, rushing to the nearby hall closet to pull out my gym shoes. He makes quick work of bringing them over to me, offering his shoulder for me to lean against as he bends down to help me slip them on.

“Where are they?” I whisper.

Joel gingerly tries to take the bookend away from me, but I resist. “No one broke in,” he says.

“Then why didn’t you call me? Why are the lights off?”

“Because I think whoever did this is still outside. You need to back up, for your own safety.”

In that deep, commanding voice, I listen to him. I back up until I’m standing at the edge of the hallway. Through the dark, I try to assess what he’s talking about. Joel follows my gaze, pointing to the two separate lumps on the ground.

“They’re bricks. Someone threw them through the window.”

That explains why the curtain is moving on its own. And with my senses beginning to regulate, it also explains the cold breeze I start to register on my skin.

“Can we turn on the light?” I hate how small my voice sounds, but not enough to keep me from asking.

“No,” Joel moves in front of the window, peering at the roof of the building next door. “If they’re trying to target you, turning on the lights just puts this game on easy mode. Another reason you should’ve listened to me when I told you to stay put!”

“Oh,” I breathe, shifting in my sneakers. He sounds angry.

No, not angry—livid.

Joel doesn’t say another word as he sweeps the glass closest to me, shifting it back to the window.

I wipe my sweaty hands on my pajama shorts. “Why didn’t the alarm go off?”

“I don’t know,” he grumbles, putting the broom down.

“I–I texted Amari.”

For some reason, this makes him shift his attention to me. “That’s good.”

“They should—should be here, soon.” I put the bookend down on the floor next to me.

He stares at me for another moment, before he speaks in a slightly softer tone, despite his rage-filled eyes. “You should go pack a bag. We’ll leave as soon as they get here.”

I turn back to my room without so much as a nod.

I start in the bathroom, gathering my makeup and toiletries, before grabbing a weekender out of my closet. I’m not sure if this is just for the night, so I pack two extra dresses for work just in case. After everything is zipped up, it occurs to me that I should change into something other than a silky sleep set. My hands haven’t stopped shaking as I slip into a pair of jeans and a pullover sweater.

I overhear Joel approving Amari and the team to come up in the elevator. I don’t want to go out and face them. I don’t want to hear the possible explanations, or the chatter of security measures I don’t quite understand.

Bricks? On the tenth floor? That feels impossible. This whole night feels impossible. I shove my hands in my pockets as I leave my room, not wanting anyone else to know the effect of this chaos.

Thankfully, with the entire crew here, Joel feels it’s safe enough to turn the lights back on. That alone provides a bit of comfort to my tightening chest. Amari stalks over to me as soon as he sees me.

“Miss Russell. You’re unharmed?”

“Yes. I’m…fine.”

“Good,” he places a reassuring hand on my shoulder, glancing around at the seven men inspecting my apartment.

They’re inspecting everything. Every crevasse, even those that have nothing to do with the windows. One of the men is leaning towards the bricks, and I follow his gaze. Looking down, I notice long pieces of rope tied around both bricks, with a white paper wrapped around the one closest to me.

“You’re shitting me.” I hiss, creeping toward the brick. This captures nearly all of their attention, as many pairs of surprised eyes turn my way. Three of them try to stop me, but Joel is the one who gets to me first, wrapping a gentle hand around the crook of my elbow.

“There are shards everywhere. What do you need?”

“There’s a fucking note. There’s a damn note attached to the fucking brick!” I point at the ground, my voice wobbling. Joel’s eyes widen slightly.

“Okay,” he says in a voice that may be reserved for negotiation tactics. “Let me get it.”

My eyes drop down to the floor and I nod.

Amari steps forward, his hand outstretched. “There could be fingerprints. We shouldn’t touch it yet.”

Joel looks from my face to Amari’s. “Someone get me a glove.”

“Joel, just in case—”

“Amari,” that same commanding tone is back. “She deserves to know.” Joel gives me the smallest of nods, and I hope my expression conveys my gratitude. After last week, I know he’s trying to make amends. But honestly, that hiccup is the last thing on my mind right now. Jace, one of the security members, hands Joel a glove and he immediately grabs the note.

Joel glances at me, a silent permission to read the note out loud. Whatever he sees on my face, it allows him to continue.

“My warnings are as earnest as my gifts. You should be in charge of the company. Go after what you really want. Like me.” Joel reads it as monotone as possible, and still, a shiver runs down my back. He’s watching me carefully, and I just want out. I need to get out of here.

“What’s the point?” I say softly. “Why would anyone care about that? They want me to, what, force my father to retire? Just so they know specifically what floor I’m on? They already know where I live.” My voice cracks again on the last word, and I just clear my throat, adjusting the bag on my shoulder. No one in the room responds to my questions. Not that they would have any of the answers.

“We should go. You need to sleep, and there’s no reason the security system should have been silent with two broken windows.” Joel moves to my side, taking the bag off of my shoulder. I don’t protest. My eyelids are heavy despite my quickened heart and sweaty palms. What time is it?

I glance into my kitchen, and the oven reads exactly twelve o'clock. I would have thought it was later, after laying awake for so long. But I suppose time passes differently when those types of thoughts are keeping you up. As much as I didn’t want to think about what my feelings for Joel are, I would give anything to go back to an hour ago when that was my biggest concern. Trying to figure out what he means to me is far less frightening than worrying about his safety.

I look at the solemn faces scattered around my living room. Some pretending to work, some obviously waiting for me to leave so they can start. I nod at Joel before turning to Amari.

“No one should hear of this. No one on the board, no one outside this room.” Not only would attention from the press exacerbate the issue, I also didn’t need anyone on the board looking at me like I was weak.

Amari looks apologetic. “I sent word to your father. No one beyond him will hear of it. You have my word.”

I don’t have the energy to feel disappointment. “Okay.”

Joel guides me toward the elevator, and Jace and Carlos follow us inside.

“It would be wise to tighten security measures, just for tonight.” Joel says low enough that they don’t hear it. “They’re going to help me escort you.”

“Okay,” I repeat, my tone drained for any emotion.

I’m not surprised that we pull up to my father’s house. Even if we doubled our security, it wouldn’t make sense to go somewhere unfamiliar tonight. The small blessing is that my father is in China for the next week. I thought I was lucky just getting out of the weekly dinner, but this is an additional bonus in the middle of an awful night.

Carlos asks if I want him to wake Melissa to make me something. I shake my head, ensuring Joel was in tow before making my way up the stairs. Jace and Carlos stay in the foyer, double checking that the house is armed as we leave them behind. I check again to make sure Joel is behind me as I round the corner of the hallway. He’s watching me, as always, but he doesn’t say anything. At my door, I hesitate.

“Do you want your privacy? I can leave before you…” he trails off, obviously confused. Why would I need privacy just to open my bedroom door?

“No,” my voice comes out as a whisper. I step inside, but I find myself turning around again. I feel…fear. Fear that he won’t be there. That if I don’t keep my eyes on him, he’ll disappear.

“I’ll be right outside,” Joel leans forward, dropping my bag inside the room.

I wring my hands, staring at our feet. I can’t close the door. I can’t be alone, and even more so, I can’t have him be alone. The image that clouded my head tonight, thinking someone had hurt him—

“Why didn’t you listen?” He asks softly. “You could have been hurt. Miss Russell, if someone were there, you could have been—” He cuts himself off, shaking his head. “Now isn’t the time. You need sleep.”

“So do you,” I say. His pained, weary eyes meet mine. “Please don’t stay outside.” Panic runs cold through my arms, in disbelief of what I’m saying.

“You’d prefer for me to stay in one of the guest rooms?”

“No,” I shake my head rapidly, “Can you stay with me? Please.”

Joel swallows audibly, taking a second to glance behind me at the room. Then he gives me a curt, professional nod. “Of course.”

He picks up the bag again, walking past me to set it on one of the chairs instead.

“I think…I think I’m going to shower.” I unzip the bag and reach for my toiletries.

“Shower?” He glances down at his watch. “It’s almost three in the morning.”

What? It took less than a half hour for us to get over here. My oven must be wrong…

“I’m just…cold. My hands,” I hold them out, no longer embarrassed for Joel to see them shake. His eyebrows thread together watching them quiver.

“Okay. I’ll be here.” He takes a seat in one of the chairs. I practically sprint for the bathroom, wanting the steam to expel the dread from my pores as soon as possible. I lock the door behind me for added protection.

Once I'm under the water, it does help to ease some of my tension. But even when I decide to wash my hair, it’s still not distracting enough. Where at my own apartment, I felt so exhausted that I just wanted to be taken out of there, I now feel wired. Like it’s a necessity for me to stay awake, and to will my mind to focus on other things. If I try to sleep, what will happen? If I close my eyes or think too long, I just see Joel again, bloody and injured on my living room rug.

I take an extra few minutes to lather up my body, trying to wash away this new buzz running through me. After the shower, I take an equal amount of time using lotion for the same reason. But the buzz becomes an itch, and I can’t think of a way to scratch it. Part of what I’m feeling is relief. There was a split second tonight where I thought Joel had been seriously hurt, and in my mind, he was unconscious. Unable to move. I knew he was angry with me for defying his order, but I would be far too angry with myself if I hadn’t done it. And the relief I feel now overtakes any remaining feeling of panic, though it demands further distraction to keep the panic at bay. I want to run towards that relief, but I’ve completed every distraction I can in this room. And that’s when I become incredibly aware of the fact that Joel is right outside the door, safe.

Safe and… alone…in my bedroom.

As I wrap myself up in a robe, I still feel that there is an itch needing to be scratched. A need for relief that I can hold, something tangible that confirms he’s truly alright. And I can think of only one way to honor this relief. Only one way to provide a distraction.

Exiting out of the bathroom, Joel stands, averting his gaze when he sees I’m only wearing a robe. With his eyes on the door, I start to cross over to him.

“Miss Russell, I need to apologize. I shouldn’t have taken that tone with you. I know that this has been a long night—-”

Standing chest to chest with him, his face is bewildered as I grab the back of his neck with both hands, pulling him down to my lips.

I kiss him harshly. Desperately. Pulling him as close to me as I can manage, though I can’t seem to get him close enough. His hands fly to my hips, holding me against him. I sigh, realizing how terribly I’ve wanted him to touch me for god knows how long. I wish the robe wasn’t so thick so I could feel his calloused hands against my skin. And he smells so good.

But his lips…he’s barely kissing me back. Not even a moment later, as if someone jolted him, he grabs my hands, pulling them away from his neck. He holds them in front of his chest, creating a barricade between us.

“You’re not thinking clearly,” he murmurs, his voice husky and low.

“Yes,” I practically whine, “I am.” I try to pull out of his grasp, but he shakes his head.

“You’re still shaking. You may be in shock.” Joel’s chest is heaving, assessing my face like he’s looking for injury.

At that, rejection hits me in the gut, and I feel my cheeks turn a deep shade of red. I try to pull away again, now feeling the panic resurface.

What have I done? He doesn’t want that. He works for my father, for fuck’s sake. Now I might lose him anyway.

“Hey,” Joel whispers, tugging my hands closer to his chest now. “You’re okay.”

“I-I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me…” I shake my head over and over as Joel shushes me. “That was so inappropriate. I’m sorry, I’m just glad you’re—alright.” I hiccup, and tears are dangerously close to spilling over now.

“You’re okay,” Joel repeats, now pulling me flush against his chest. He continues to shush me softly, one of his hands wrapping around my waist and one smoothing my hair. I don’t hug him back, exactly. One of my arms rests awkwardly against his, and the other hangs at my side. I don’t have the energy to determine what I should do after a slip up this bad. He might quit. He spoke of relationships at that Halloween party, and how they interfere with the job. I am the job, and I’ve completely disrespected his boundaries.

“I can feel you thinking too hard,” his chest rumbles against my ear as he talks. “Relax. You’ve been through enough tonight.”

The softness of his words ends up pushing a few tears over the edge, and I’m grateful he can’t see them. Thank god I decided to wash my hair, as now it provides coverage for my tenuity.

I’m not sure how long he holds me like this, but eventually, he asks if I think I can lay down for a while, and I nod into his t-shirt. I feel my chest tighten again as I crawl into bed, and I realize that he’s sitting in one of the chairs again, letting his head fall back to at least pretend to sleep. I try my best not to let the distance bother me, but I can feel my heartbeat fighting back, climbing to regain the insane rhythm it had before.

“Um,” I clear my throat, taking another breath before I continue. “Do you think you could sleep over here?”

I feel like a child. Lost and inconsolable over something that was, for now, solved. There was no reason to worry about losing him right now. No reason to be afraid in this room. But that feeling of loss is prevalent throughout my body, and I had thought we were safe at my apartment too.

Joel’s face is unreadable, staring back at me.

“I promise not to kiss you again,” I say, making my voice as normal as possible, attempting to add some humor to it. After another moment, this does make him crack the smallest of smiles. Every muscle in my body loosens as I see him get up from the chair and make his way over to the bed.

He lays on top of the blankets, which I should have anticipated. He couldn’t be further away from me, otherwise he would be on the floor, but he still decided to lay down facing me. I give him a tiny smile.

“I know you’re like, a trained killer or something, but I don’t care. If you tell anyone about me asking that, I will actually kill you.”

He chuckles enough to shake the bed a little, and my smile grows. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

After a few moments, I whisper, “I am really sorry, Mr. Miller. I shouldn’t have touched you—”

“It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it.” He shifts his body, angling away from me slightly.

“Okay…but if you want to report it, or change assignments, I understand.”

Joel just shakes his head, letting his eyes close for a minute. “I don’t want that, Miss Russell. I appreciate it but… no.”

“Alright. Then I promise not to touch you again without your permission.”

The corner of his mouth turns upward before he hides it with a cough.

“Likewise.”

Likewise? He didn’t even return the kiss…But it doesn't matter. He’s probably trying to make me feel better, as usual.

“Do you want me to turn off the light?” He asks.

“I’ll do it,” I say, reaching for the remote next to me. I leave on one desk lamp in the corner of the room. I don’t need any of the furniture turning into humanoid shapes in the dark.

I stare at the ceiling for several minutes. It could have been hours, but the light outside is still pitch black. I can hear Joel’s steady breathing, but I know he isn’t asleep. Every so often, I feel his eyes peering over at me. After a long while, the weight of the night destroys my defenses, and I dare to ask.

“Why would a stalker want me to become CEO?”

I feel the eyes on the side of my face again. “They’ve probably put you on a pedestal. They want to see you succeed,” he says factually. I’m silent long enough for him to continue. “Do you want to be CEO?”

“Yes,” I answer without thinking, “But most people don’t want me to be.”

The bed shifts beside me, and now Joel’s whole body is turned to face me again. “Why would you say that?”

That question, this conversation…is something I haven’t dared speak about to anyone. Not even my friends. I trust Joel with my life, but not with this. This was worth more than just my life. I turn toward him before responding. I want to be able to gauge exactly how he reacts to what I’m about to say.

“I…did something, a few months ago. I’m not sure who in Russell Corp knows. If anyone knows. But I think you were hired to watch and report, not to protect,” I take a long inhale, phrasing my words just right, “I think there are people in the company who want to make sure I keep my mouth shut. I thought you were hired to do that.”

His eyebrows crease, his brown eyes searching mine in the dim light.

“I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I nod. “It seems that way. But…I don’t trust anyone with this, Mr. Miller. No one else knows what I know. And I don’t know enough to trust your reason for being here.” It feels slightly absurd not to trust him after tonight especially. I thought someone was in my home, and I trusted Joel to take care of it. He moved without thinking. He put himself in harm’s way on a daily basis for me and the people I care about. Regardless of what he gets paid, it’s evident that he cares. But even with all of that knowledge between us both, he doesn’t look offended by my words.

“I’m from Texas.”

I stifle a laugh. “And that’s supposed to make you trustworthy?”

“You said you didn’t know enough about me. You don’t have to tell me anything now, or trust me now, for that matter. But if it would help…ask me anything you want to know.” His eyes are so sincere, his voice so gentle, that a small part of me would cry again if I let it.

“Do you have a family?” The question comes out without a filter, but I don’t care. I have wondered that before, and I would actually like to know.

“Of my own? No. My parents are gone, but I have a brother, Tommy. He lives in Texas, too.”

“Does he have a twang like you?”

It was a genuine question, but it makes him laugh. “You think I have a twang?”

“You do have a twang. It was one of the first things I noticed about you.”

It’s far too dark, and far too late, and I know I’m probably imagining things at this point. But I swear, Joel’s cheeks deepen with embarrassment.

“In that case, I suppose he does.”

“I suppose he does,” I mimic him, exaggerating his accent tenfold. Joel chuckles, shaking his head against his pillow. “What? You know I’m right.”

“I know that you’re loopy. That’s what I know. Any other questions?”

I think for a moment. “Who taught you to play guitar?”

“No one, really. I’m self-taught.”

“Ah. I should have guessed.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. You’re…utilitarian. Independent, I guess. You seem like the type to teach yourself things.”

“I thought I was the observant one,” he says with a smile.

“Not the only observant one, is what I believe I said.” I unsuccessfully stifle a yawn as I say it.

“Not the only tired one, either. You should try to get some sleep.”

“I’m sorry,” I let out a long, unrestrained yawn now, “I should let you sleep.”

He shushes me again. “Stop apologizing. Just close your eyes.”

I want to tell him not to tell me what to do. But his voice is so soothing, and listening to the sound of his breathing next to me is the most calm I’ve felt all night. Truthfully, it’s the most calm I’ve felt in weeks.

Sleep finds me, and carries me away with ease.

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

[all-the-things-2020]

Late Night Talking - Chapter Three

Summary: Dieter and Emily go on date number two at Venice Beach.

Rating: PG

Notes: I’m writing exclusively from Emily’s POV but will include little transcripts here and there to show Dieter’s perspective. I gave Dieter a brother named Friedrich. They call each other Freddy and Deet.

[Telephone call between Dieter Bravo and his brother Friedrich]

Friedrich: What happened now?

Dieter: Why do you assume something happened? Maybe I’m just calling to hear your amazing voice.

F: Because it’s one o’clock in the fucking morning, Deet.

D: Shit, sorry. It’s only ten here. But Freddy, I have to talk to you. This is big, bro.

F: Work big or personal big?

D: Personal. I think I just met the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.

F: [sighs] Is this going to be like Jonathan?

D: No. Nothing like Jonathan. That was just … I was stupid then. And horny. But Emily — her name is Emily — she’s amazing, Freddy.

F: I’m sure she is, but don’t get ahead of yourself. You always leap without looking.

D: I know but there’s something … we just clicked, you know? Met her in a bookstore and we went to another one for our first date. Couple of drinks, dinner at a tapas place. Nothing fancy but … I haven’t felt this alive since I stopped using.

F: I’m happy for you, Deet, but be careful. Don’t jump into anything. Promise me.

D: I’m gonna marry her.

F: Give it a year. If you still feel the same way, then go for it.

D: A whole year?

F: A whole year. Promise me, Deet.

D: [sighs] I promise. But mark your calendar. I’ll be calling you a year from now to tell you we’re engaged.

F: If you say so. Look, man, I need to get some sleep.

D: Okay, sorry. I just … I had to tell you.

F: I know. Make good choices. Night.

[Call ends]

****************************************************************************

I texted Dieter as soon as I got home and he replied instantly.

Me: Home safe

Dieter: Same here. Had a great time tonight.

Me: So did I

The typing indicator showed up, then disappeared, then showed up again. When it disappeared for a second time, it stayed off. I was puzzled until my phone rang.

”Hello.”

”Hey, I hope you don’t mind but I figured it’s easier to do this talking than texting. I hate texting, anyway.” He chuckled softly.

”It’s fine,” I said. “So, you had a good time?”

”A great time,” he corrected me. “I … look I’m not really that good at this kind of thing. In my line of business you get people fawning all over you and they always want something … it’s hard to trust, you know? But I didn’t get that from you.”

”I know you’re famous and all that, but you’re still just a guy,” I said. “I had that bubble burst a long time ago when one of my friends introduced me to one of the members of a band their Dad knew. I thought it was going to be magical and he turned out to be boring. Literally spent most of the time talking to her Dad about some kind of woodworking tool he’d bought and how he was trying get his son to make a bird house.”

Dieter laughed. “I’m not that boring, I hope.”

”Not at all. But you’re still just a guy. Who happens to make his living pretending to be other people and gets paid obscene amounts of money to do it.”

”Not that obscene,” he said. “At least, not for a while.” He cleared his throat. “Look, before we go any further, I’ve got to be honest with you. I’m kind of fucked up. I mean, more than the usual ‘everybody’s messed up one way or the other’.

“I’ve been in rehab. I was using a lot of shit to escape reality and … I almost died on the set of Cliff Beasts 6. Like literally OD’d and they had to restart my heart. I swore off the hard stuff after that and checked myself in. No more coke, no more acid, no more mystery pills.

”And I connected with my therapist there. She’s amazing and she gets me. So I have rules now. Alcohol if I’m with other people, never when I’m alone. Nothing stronger except this one brand of edibles that mellow me out when I’m super anxious. And I’m on meds to straighten out my brain chemistry. And I have a session with her every week. So, that’s me …”

“I knew about rehab,” I said carefully. “It was on the Internet and gossip magazines. But I didn’t know you almost died. That must have been really scary.”

“Scared the shit out of me,” he said. “There was this girl who worked at the hotel. She’s the one who found me and helped revive me. She professed her love for me in the ambulance and … it lasted about three weeks. I woke up one day and realized ‘Shit, I’m in my forties, and this girl’s in her twenties. What am I doing with my life?’ And I checked into rehab the next day.

“I had to drop out of a couple of projects, and my career was already heading down the crapper anyway — I mean, Cliff Beasts? — so I’m kind of starting over.”

”That’s okay,” I said. “Like I said, you’re just a guy who happens to be an actor. Your job doesn’t have anything to do with why I enjoyed the evening with you. We would have had fun if you were a CPA or a garbage man or whatever.”

“Yeah, and that’s why … I’d really, really like to see you again. Soon.”

”So would I,” I said. “I’m off work for the summer so my schedule is wide open.”

“How about Sunday? I have some shit to take care of tomorrow for a charity. Wait, that didn’t come out right, it’s a charity, it’s not shit …” He sounded a bit flustered. “Sunday. We can go to the beach. Unless that’s too long a drive for you?”

”Traffic shouldn’t be too bad on a weekend. And I haven’t been to the beach for a while. I’d love to.”

”It’s a date then. I’ll … I’ll text you tomorrow what time to meet and where, if that’s okay?”

”That’s perfect,” I said.

”Well, I should let you get to bed. I’m sure you’re tired after listening to me all night and driving and everything.”

”Yeah, you should get some sleep, too. Got to be fresh for the charity shit, right?”

He laughed. “Yeah. Good night.”

”Good night.”

The call ended and I sat on the couch staring at my phone for a few minutes. Then I texted Sam.

*****************************************

We were on the boardwalk at Venice Beach. It was a hot day, so the place was crowded, perfect for people watching.

“Oh, my God, your dog is so cute!” Dieter fairly ran across the boardwalk to a young couple with a Corgi on a leash. It was wearing a bow tie. “Can I take a picture?”

I followed more slowly, ready to apologize to them for my date’s ridiculous behavior, but they were already making the dog pose and look even more adorable, if that was even possible. Dieter snapped a picture of the dog, then shoved his phone at me before getting down on the ground. “Get a picture of me with the dog,” he said. His goofy grin was irresistible. I snapped a couple of pictures of him and the dog, then we chatted a bit with the couple. The dog was a boy, named Kirby, and while he seemed to enjoy the attention, he was a bit aloof, as Corgis often are, until he very solemnly and daintily licked my hand. His owners gushed over how he doesn’t normally like strangers and I should feel special.

“She is special,” Dieter said, giving me a squeeze.

They awkwardly asked for an autograph and a selfie. Dieter obliged, with me taking the photo for them. We said goodbye, and Dieter wistfully watched them walk away. “Now that made my day,” he said.

I arched an eyebrow at him. “You’re on a date with me and meeting a dog is the highlight of your day?” I teased.

“No, no, I didn’t mean it like that,” he blustered.”Like, the dog is the icing on the cake. You’re the cake.”

“Come again?”

He scrunched up his face. “It’s like … okay, icing is nice, icing is great, but by itself it’s kind of gross. Too sweet. You need the cake to give it meaning. The cake is the foundation. The icing is optional but the cake is essential.” He shook his head. “I’m not explaining this right.”

I grabbed his hand. “I think I can see the sentiment behind this rather tortured metaphor,” I said. “Cake is good even by itself; icing enhances it but you don’t really need it.”

“Exactly,” he said, raising our joined hands to his mouth. He kissed the back of my hand. “This would have been a great day even without the dog, but the dog made it even better.”

“I’m only letting this go because it was a Corgi,” I told him. “Any other breed and I’d be insulted, but damn, Corgis are adorable.”

He laughed and put his arms around me, pulling me in for a kiss. A skateboarder zipped past. “Get a room, boomers,” he yelled.

“Hey, we’re Gen X,” Dieter yelled back. “We don’t give a shit!”

“You are such a dork,” I said, laughing into his chest as he flipped the kid off.

“Ah, you love it,” he said.

“I do,” I admitted. “You’re ... adorkable.”

“Now who’s making shit up?”

“Shut up and kiss me again.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

****************************

“Let’s go in the water,” Dieter said, tugging at my hand and leading me off the boardwalk and into the sand.

“We don’t have bathing suits,” I protested. I stopped to take off my flip-flops; it was nearly impossible to walk in sand with them on without tripping over my own feet. Dieter pulled his own shoes off as well, and we continued across the beach, shoes in one hand, holding hands with the other.

“We’ll just get our feet wet,” he promised. “Come on.” He whined like a little kid who wanted candy. “Pleeeease.”

I laughed. How could I resist him when he was such a goofball? “Okay, but not too deep,” I said, realizing I sounded like a mom. “I’m not getting all wet and then having to sit around in soggy shorts the rest of the day.”

“I’ll be careful, I promise,” he said, but there was a wicked gleam in his eye that I didn’t quite trust.

We waded out into the water, letting it lap against our ankles, the occasional wave breaking harder and splashing us up to our knees. “Next time, we’ll wear our swimsuits,” he said. “Bring a boogie board or something.”

“I can’t swim,” I admitted. He stopped dead, staring at me.

“What?!,” he said incredulously. “You grew up in SoCal and never learned to swim? How is this possible?”

I was embarrassed, but decided to tell him the truth. “I have a phobia about water,” I said. “If my face gets in the water, I panic. I failed swimming in high school, the only F I ever got on my report card.”

“Well,” he said, “we’ll have to fix that. Lucky for you, I have a pool at my place, and I’m a very good teacher.” He slid his arms around my waist. “Do you need to get out of the water right now?”

“No,” I said. “This is fine. This is fun. It’s just when the water gets on or around my face.”

“Okay, then,” he grinned. “Let’s play some more.” He darted off down the beach, splashing water behind him as he ran through the surf. I gave chase, laughing as I tried to catch up. He was a total goofball, but he was my goofball.

*****************************

I was pretty sure I had a sunburn. We’d been good and applied sunblock before we got out of the cars, and reapplied later, but I could still feel the heat on my skin. “Ooh, shave ice!” I cried as we came around a corner. It was a very hot day and nothing is better on a hot day than a shave ice.

We bought two large shave ices, cherry for me, and a multi-hued mixture of flavors for Dieter. “You’re boring,” he said, pointing at my solid red treat with his plastic spoon.

“Not boring,” I said. “Classic.” I took a big bite and savored the sweet, cold ice as it melted on my tongue.

He shook his head and dug into his own ice, as we sat on a bench facing the ocean. The on shore breeze kept the heat from being overwhelming and the shave ice cooled me off quickly.

“Ah, shit, brain freeze!” Dieter said, holding a hand against his forehead.

“Don’t eat it so fast, doofus,” I said, poking him in the side with my elbow.

He stuck his tongue out at me. It was dyed a dark purplish color from the combination of flavors. “Gross,” I said. “See, that’s why I go with the cherry.” I stuck my own tongue out, knowing it would be a bright red.

“Well, you certainly don’t need lipstick,” he said, pulling out his phone and taking a quick photo, which he showed me. My lips were cherry red.

“Ah, you’ve discovered my cunning plot to replace makeup with shave ice syrup,” I said. He leaned in for a kiss.

“Mmm,” he said. “It tastes better than lipstick, I’ll give you that.”

I shoved him away. “You’re so weird,” I said. “Eat your shave ice before it melts.”

“You’re so bossy,” he grumbled, as he shoveled another spoonful of ice into his mouth.

“I work with teenagers,” I reminded him. “I think I can handle your sorry ass.” I took a big bite of my own shave ice, but instantly regretted it. “Ow, ow, brain freeze!”

Dieter nearly fell off the bench laughing, and I joined him, as soon as my head stopped pounding.

***********************************

The sun was low in the sky as we made our way toward the parking lot. “Next time we’ll get here later, rent bikes, and stay to watch the sunset,” Dieter said. His arm was around my waist, his sunglasses sliding down his nose as he gazed down at me.

“That sounds wonderful,” I replied. “But how about our next date, you drive out my way?”

He scratched his chin with his free hand. “I guess I could,” he said. “Is there anything out there to do?”

”I hope you’re being facetious,” I told him. “Because only I can diss where I live.”

He chuckled. “Totally facetious. Besides, as long as I’m with you, who cares where we go?”

”Smooth, Bravo, real smooth.” I tugged his arm, pulling him to a stop. I went on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek, in one of those delectable little bare patches in his beard.

”It worked,didn’t it?” he said smugly.

[sunnflowyyr]

heyo! first of all i LOVE your writing, I aspire to write as well as you one day <3 I wanted to request some headcanons with the rise boys w/ a gn reader who’s mute!! please don’t feel like you have to answer this, feel free to ignore/delete!!

aaa, hey there !! first of all, thank you so much for your kind words !! i'm sorry for taking so long to get to your request, but i've thought about your idea since it popped into my inbox so i'm excited to finally put it all into this post. i am my own critic and i bully myself until i like my content; so i took a while with this one.

quick disclaimer: i do not have a lot of knowledge about mute individuals, but i did some research during the writing of this fic to try to be as respectful as possible and to also educate myself; however, my comprehension skills aren't the greatest. if i have inaccurately represented this community with misleading information (or if i have misunderstood mutism as a whole), please let me know and i'll correct my work to reflect accurate information. it is never my intention to hurt or offend anyone. - much love, sun

i hope you enjoy !! <3

-

rise!turtles with a mute reader

Raph

i imagine april introduces you to the turtles and that he doesn't really clue into you are being mute at first

mainly because he didn't read the group chat message where april tells the turtles you're mute (he never reads the gc, smfh)

so he always feels bad when he talks to you and you just kind of smile or blink

since he doesn't realize, he just overthinks about why you don't answer back

maybe you don't like him? is he annoying? too loud?

can you smell his "I'm Nervous About Meeting New People" stink?

so when he tells his brothers and they clue him in, it just clicks for him

it makes him feel closer to you because he grew up mute

(i saw a hc once that raph was mute as a kid and no, i will not be convinced otherwise)

you might notice a slight behavior change

he'd normally be a little awkward or stiff in conversation before, but now he finds a way to communicate with you!

even if you don't talk, he'll find a way to keep you in conversation

especially because he can talk a lot if he thinks no one is annoyed by his rambling

the longer he knows you, the longer he picks up on your nonverbal cues and you both find an easy way to communicate with each other

he can't sign very well (just because of the lack of fingers) but he knows how to interpret ASL so you can communicate with him !!

Leo

honestly doesn't notice it from the first time he meets you

also doesn't read the group chat

mainly because he talks so much that he doesn't pay attention to how quiet you are

though when he does notice, he might ask about it?

not to embarrass you, though; he might tease people about a lot of things, but even he knows his limits on that

we love a respectful king

he's just curious about the details, but definitely doesn't push you into telling him about it

he's a nosey mf he can't help himself

all of the brothers (him included) will speak up for you

if you're comfortable with that, of course

"hey, they said no pickles."

he might be sassier about it though, just because he's leo

but he'll do it a million times over

he's also pretty good at picking up on nonverbal cues and body language (because of raph being mute and donnie having nonverbal moments)

if you're uncomfortable? tired? excited? overwhelmed?

leo is here for you

Donnie

knows immediately because he actually reads the group chat

like the others, he knows how to communicate with you

especially with sign language, because he actually knows it and can sign really well?

he actually finds it nice to communicate with you this way as well, especially during some nonverbal moments

and sometimes he can really ramble on; even more so if it's about his interests and superior tech

so signing helps him slow down (because he wants to make sure you can interpret his signing; having three fingers can make it difficult) and watch for your replies

there might be days where you both sit in a comfortable silence (or he just watches you if you want to communicate), or he's really verbal

he can either ramble or keep it short and simple; it really just depends on his mood

but he quietly appreciates the understanding between the both of you

he can see how excited you are about everyone talking about something you're interested in; you wanna join, but it's hard to keep up with their voices and it can be overwhelming

what's wrong, (name)? - donnie asks in ASL

when you tell him he immediately finds a way to stop the conversation

"(name) has something to say about that."

ALL of the brothers look out for you, but he would the most

Mikey

"knows immediately because he actually reads the group chat": the sequel

this boy will do all of the verbal talking for the both of you

he's not necessarily over-talkative, but enjoys having conversations

i'm projecting in the next headcanon but hear it out okay

when mikey was a kid, he grew up with a speech delay

it wasn't until his he was between age 8-9 that he began to improve in his speech

because of it however, he relied heavily on gestures and used very little words unless he was unsure of how to express himself

it was a frustrating for him as a kid; not being able to communicate as well with his brothers

excluding donnie from that cause he taught himself ASL, then taught mikey some words to help him

he wants to make sure you feel heard and that you're comfortable

be prepared because if he knows you're fine with it, he'll rope you into group conversations like donnie does

he understands ASL pretty well, but he won't sign back most of the time; he just has a hard time with it

like leo, he's also pretty good at noticing your body language

i mention reader knowing ASL a lot (aligning it with the fact that i hc the turtles knowing it), but if you don't use it to communicate?

the turtles value your friendship and will adapt any form of communication so you can talk with them!!

you just write on a small whiteboard? mikey's got plenty of supplies for you in his room

if you use a text to speech program? they wait patiently for your reply

as i said, they value you as an individual and welcome you into their little family with opens arms <3

[raayllum]

I remember starting the show because my friend told me about Callum and Rayla and how cute they were together. But after binge watching all 5 seasons, I just feel like the writers don’t really give a damn about them, in many ways, compared to other couples. But, to be fair, I have lots of issue with the writing. But, to me, the primary idea was to make Callum and Claudia a couple (no, I don’t ship them together), because they actually have a background, development, even chemistry too. So, I don’t understand why the writers changed their minds on this (please, tell me if they ever addressed this issue). I just think that him moving on from a childhood love, like that, out of nowhere to Raylla was again a bit odd and out of nowhere. Because nothing indicated that in the first 2 seasons. Same goes to Rayla too. And, in S5 they have acted more as friends than anything else. It’s just weird. What’s your opinion about this? And again, I don’t ship Callum with Claudia, it’s just my opinion after watching all seasons.

Thank you for sharing your feelings, I definitely have been in fandoms where the Big Ship (canon or fanon, in show or in fandom) have just not been things I could click or with or understand, so you have my sympathies. The crew has gone on record saying that Callum and Rayla being a couple was not originally the plan (we don't know if there were any endgames being considered for either of them as alternatives, but I lean toward no) with Janaya and Ruthari presumably being the main couples. This changed in 2x04 with the lightning flash and moment the two share on the boat, "everyone in the room saw it" (legit quote from showrunner) and they began to write and develop it. It is unknown if they went back to add or shift anything in S1 (we know the crew works on seasons simultaneously) but it wouldn't surprise me given the vibes

I definitely can't promise to change your mind (I'm obviously a big Rayllum shipper and I have been since S1, so I'm clearly coming at it from a different perspective) but I do have some metas that do address what you've brought up, I'm gonna link them below and then do a quick summary in case you understandably don't wanna read all that!

Rayllum and Loneliness (Post S3): a meta about how it is likely (now confirmed in supplementary material) that Rayla grew up pretty friendless and a deeper dive into how Rayla is/was the first person Callum had who was unequivocally his peer and his friend (as Soren bullied and Callum's crush - as well as other things - made him and Claudia have a fair amount of distance.)

Callum and Claudia: You Already Did (Post S3): On what appeal the ship has, why it may not appeal to others, and why I don't think Callum and Claudia were actually that close pre-S1, the various factors why, and why they were doomed to fall apart since 1x02.

How/Why Callum's feelings for Claudia and Rayla Were Overlapping (Post-S3): Exactly what it says on the tin, mostly because he is obsessed with Rayla lowkey in S1 (trying to get her to laugh three times in 1x05, taking a flirty tone with her when they aren't arguing in 1x06, etc) and then outright devoted in S2, trusting her over Claudia in 2x03.

Rebuttals to Rayllum Reservations (Claudia, Pacing, Etc) Post-S3: Pacing, emotional intimacy, platonic development and romantic feelings, etc. Probably the simplest meta and the most on brand for what you're (presumably) looking for, but the other metas I think uh do contribute nicely to explaining why Rayllum is what it is and som of the reasons it appeals to people.

It's also honestly not surprising to me that in S5 they just feel like Friends (hopefully best friends) given that a decent chunk of the Rayllum fandom, myself included, are on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums, and don't really care if they're Romantic as long as they're Life Partners. (Aspec Rayllum tag here) Callum and Ezran are two of the, if not the, most important people in Rayla's life, and Rayla and Ezran are two of the most important people in Callum's life. To me, romance / devotion / whatever you want to call it intermingling makes sense. One of the things I've loved most about S4-S5 is the fact that whatever they are, they have each other's backs, and they care for and protect each other, no romance required, which hits different since they do both also have romantic feelings for each other. It's just not a pre-requisite for them and a lack of it is never something they'd hold against one another. In other words:

Chemistry is also something that's hard to pin down sometimes - like all shipping preferences are subjective, but evaluations of chemistry tend to be in particular (for example, I don't really think Callum and Claudia have chemistry in that way, but that doesn't mean that they can't or they don't).

That said: platonic Rayllum tag here and foils Rayllum tag here, and I hope whatever parts of the show you do enjoy, well, give you joy.