#and like let Donna deal with being in an abusive situation and let the others grapple with the fact they failed to see the signs

[horsechestnut]

I hate the whole Lord Chaos arc, but at least it gave us this incredible panel:

[eroticwound]

The Parentification of the Berzatto Siblings: Mikey’s Mental State

Let’s take a look at Donna’s mental state, as a way of understanding Mikey’s. Donna is dealing with mental illness. She most likely has a personality disorder (Borderline would be my guess) that might be comorbid with a mood disorder (Bipolar or Intermittent Explosive Disorder), and is using alcohol to self-medicate.

Donna’s alcoholism doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Because of her mental illness and the stressors of being a single mom, she is self-medicating with alcohol, meaning she is using it to numb herself out. Between 50 and 70% of people with BPD have substance abuse issues, and 41% of those with Bipolar disorder self-medicate.

This is the state of the Barzatto Family Home: the unstable woman at the center, who can be fun and funny, but is incredibly volatile. She is influencing and modeling behavior for all of the Bear Sibs. So looking back at Michael, as the oldest son, the burden of Donna’s moods and the state of his siblings (and any guests that happen to be around) is firmly on him. And he is empathetic enough to get others out of their funk and charming enough to keep things positive and running (relatively) smoothly. But all the anxiety of this situation—the parentification, which forces a child to disregard their own emotions and well-being in favor of their parent—gets severely internalized, and then masked by his ability to be loud and funny.

Mikey is avoidant above all else. In that first interaction in Fishes, between him and Nat, he literally says, “with [Mom], not handling it is the best way to handle it.” And this approach of his pops up again and again, whether he’s avoiding Carmy (by not picking up the phone or engaging in difficult conversations, or literally, when he leaves the pantry after Carm gives him the present), avoiding handling Donna, or avoiding dealing with his own mental health. This is in no way helped by the fact Mikey is most likely dealing with some form of chemical imbalance, whether it’s depression or bipolar disorder like Donna.

Add to all this the self-medicating behavior Donna models for him, and it’s a fairly clear line from internalizing and masking his pain, to substance abuse; alcohol and pain medication and whatever else he was using are just more intense ways of avoiding his pain. They are quite literally the only ways he’s managing his distress.

In fact, so much of Mikey’s behavior is modeled off of Donna:

The first person to throw a utensil in Fishes is not Michael, it’s actually Donna. She throws one at Steve while Mikey and Richie are giving Carm a tough time about Claire.

Mikey hits himself after Carm gives him the gift, and Donna hits herself at the dinner table.

If Donna hadn’t driven her car through the wall, the scene Mikey makes at the dinner table might’ve been the big story from that Christmas.

And then of course there’s the traumatic tirade Donna goes on about killing herself. That seems like a fairly common threat in the Berzatto household. And it makes me wonder if the gun Michael used to kill himself was his father’s, the one that Donna threatened to use.

And this is a real issue with Parentification: it becomes normalized and perpetuated. These roles and behaviors become integrated into a child’s personality, and alters ideas of what normal and healthy relationships look like. You can see this in how Michael treats Carmen. It was normalized for Mikey to handle Donna in the kitchen. It never occurs to him that baby Carm shouldn’t be around that. But it is normalized *and* unavoidable, so Michael let’s him take on that responsibility. Even the way he talks to Carm, calling him moody, a saltine—these are intended to get Carmen out of his head, but they are also cruel and tell Carm that his emotions are too much, that his emotions can’t compete with Donna’s. After all, Donna and Mikey work together as a parental unit.

You see it especially in the first Mikey-Carmy-Donna Kitchen scene in Fishes, where Donna and Mikey gang up on Carmy together, getting Carm to say he’s happy to be home and loves them. This is a lie to smooth things over on Carmen’s end, but if being around Donna is bad for Carm, it’s bad for all of them. Living at home has got to be triggering, and you can tell throughout Fishes just how done Michael is with it.

Michael’s adulthood is so sad. We know that he had a trail of failed business ventures, money problems, and even had to move back in with Donna. He doesn’t seem to have a girlfriend, and is stuck telling the same old stories from his youth, because the best he can do is mask his dysfunction and entertain everyone. All of this is a self-perpetuating cycle, his avoidance making sure he cannot ask for the help he needs, and his relative functionality ensuring no one pushes the issue.

My next post will breakdown some of the key Mikey scenes in Fishes.

[dustyro0m]

Can I make a Jason x reader request

!!CANON DIVERGENT AND MAJOR SPOILERS FOR TITANS!!

Titans Jason Todd x jokers gn child reader. (Not explicitly stated though)

Angst at the start, and ambiguous ending. Can be seen as angst or fluff.

I have changed some things from the request to make it more suited to more audiences. I also didn't really understand the ask so I tried my best! I'm very sorry this took so long, school has been very hard these past few weeks...Thank you very much!

Warnings- mentions of murder, extreme sadness, guilt, anger, abuse, crying, and running away. (LMK if I’ve missed anything!!)

Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors, this is proofread but if I have made any pronoun mistakes, or any other mistakes let me know and I will fix it! Just please be polite :D

...

Everything is supposed to be different now. Everything was perfect.

No more death, no more suffering, everything was...serene. There was a routine.

You were finally distanced from your father. No more was his name attached to yours. And Jason. With him it felt like the entire city was yours and his. No more pain, no more suffering no more guilt and regret.

But now it feels like how it was before you met Jason. Before everything changed.

You never really liked Hawk. You knew that he and Jason had quarreled in the past, and the way he looked at you when he found out that you and Jason were dating just sealed the deal. But he was a good person. He helped people. That made him good.

Never would you have expected Jason to have killed Hawk.

He remembers everything vividly. The look on his older 'brothers' face. How Dove cried. How everyone looked at him when he sobered up from the gas. He didn't have anyone to turn to but you.

You wiped the blood off of his face, and stayed with him through the long nights. You were mad at him but you sympathised. Cranes recipe was scary, no matter who was under it.

It feels like your whole world came crashing down around you. There wasn't supposed to be any more death. Not from you, and not from Jason.

He's not supposed to kill innocent people. Hank had a life, he helped people.

You werent neccesarily a good person. You fell in love with Jason Todd for example. And trying to take over Gotham would land you the moniker of being a not so good person. But you had one rule and that was to not kill good people. Your father had done that and you hate your father.

You had told Jason not to kill innocent people. He had this anger inside of him. The best way to describe it was a burning rage fuled by loneliness and regret. And he listened to you. He didn't kill anyone innocent. Which makes the recent news even more devastating.

You remember being around your father. Everytime you were around him you would get this feeling, like a deep rooted disgust that could never go away. It was a disgusting ugly feeling felt like liquid anger and revulsion mixing with shame and guilt pooling up to your chest and spilling out of you through your words and actions.

You thought you would never feel it with Jason. But as you look at his mask, discarded on the floor of your shared apartment you feel it again.

Disgust.

Revulsion.

Fear.

Shame.

Ashamed of your boyfriend. What a horrible feeling for a horrible situation. You loved Jason, and you told yourself (and him too) that your love for him was infinite. But why are you feeling shame now?

You pick up his mask silently. Equally as silently, you throw it to the ground.

Again, and again and again.

You hated scarecrow. You hated Hank, you hated Dawn. You hated Dick, Bruce, Gar, Rachel and Donna.

You hated Jason.

The mask lies in pieces at your feet as you feel regret wash over you.

Jason has extra masks, and he would easily forgive you just as you could easily lie about what happened to his mask. But all that anger that you felt subsides.

You pick up all the broken pieces and place them together in vain. Nothing would bring that mask back. Exhausted by your emotions, you throw the pieces away and slump into the couch.

Jason walks into the house as you're watching TV. He doesn't say anything to you and you don't say anything to him. He microwaves some crappy TV dinner and serves it to the both of you.

You study him as he eats. Sharp features that blend together softly. Piercing blue eyes that made your heart skip a beat. Big warm hands with prominent veins and prominent scars.

All features that made you feel giddy. You can feel the giddiness fade away as you look at him now.

After dinner, he goes to take a shower.

It feels like staying in this house with him is sufficating you. It feels like he himself is wrapping his hands around your neck, and squeezing and squeezing.

Is this the life you wanted? Is how you want to spend the rest of your time with Jason? Angry, confused, guilty, shameful?

You decide you’re going to leave. You’ll stay with Dick for a bit, maybe Donna, or even Bruce if worst comes to worst. But just away from here.

Jason passes out at 11.PM on days where he doesn’t patrol. He’s completely wiped out as you pack up your bags. Clothes, burner phones and cables are all tossed into your duffel.

You bought this house with him. It took a long time and you still remember moving in with him. How he held you up to the high ceilings to change the light bulbs, how you and him spend afternoons shopping for furniture. How it felt so surreal that you and him made a house a home.

And now you were leaving it all behind.

You send Dick a quick text asking him to pick you up soon. He responds quickly with no questions. You appreciate that. Just thirty minutes and then you’re going to be gone from here.

Regret swirls in your stomach as you watch Jason sleep. But you push it aside. You know what you want. You’re going to try your hardest to go through with this.

You close the door behind you as softly as you can. It clicks behind you and you let out a sigh. Your heart clenches as you walk to the door.

“Y/N? What are you-”

He wipes wipes the sleep from his eyes, confusedly. His eyes flicker down to your duffel bag and your hand on the door.

“Jason…I’m sorry, I can’t…I don’t…” years start to sting in your eyes and streak down your face. Warm and hot, his face mirrors yours. You drop the bag, and before you know it your face is in his chest. Your arms wrap around each other and you both cry and cry and cry. It’s warm in his arms, and you haven’t hugged him in so, so long. It feels amazing.

“Stay. Please” he whispers.

You look him in the eyes, and you know what you're going to do.

[exuberantocean]

Let’s talk about Steven Grant and boundaries.

Specifically, I want to talk about this scene from episode 1:

Because I think this is an excellent example of how Steven is effective at creating boundaries early on.

I’ve seen a couple people point out that Steven’s kind of walked on by Donna.  This is true.  This is because Donna, as his manager, her a certain level of power over Steven.  And she’s a toxic boss.

It has taken me some time to learn this, but boundaries aren’t about being able to magically control how other people behave around us.  Generally speaking we do not have that power.  Creating boundaries involve two steps:

1. Communicating what treatment we will or will not accept.

2. Giving and following through with the consequences to this not following through.

So, for example, a boundary is not “don’t talk to me like that.”  You cannot accept how people talk to you.  A boundary is “If you talk to me like that, I will leave” and then following through if you must.

This is why “you need better boundaries!” is often ineffective advice to people in abusive situations. When someone has power over year, your options for the second part of forming boundaries are often severely limited.

Coming back to Steven in this scene, his ability to give consequences to Donna are limited.  She controls his livelihood.  If he loses his job, he’d could lose his home, not have income to afford food, etc.  Plus, he has a motivation to keep this particular job (he wants to be a tour guide) and his options of places that could get him a job like that are very limited.  So his ability to set consequences he can follow through on with Donna (and the security guy) are also very limited.

BUT not non-existent.  Rather than just accept an unwanted nickname, Steven reinforces every time (as strongly as he is able) what is name really is.  Now that doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it is literally the greatest stand he’s capable of making at the moment and he’s going for it.  He’s not passively accepting Stevie (or Scotty).  If they call him the wrong thing, then the consequence will be a strong but polite correction.

[stxleslyds]

Do you think Jason would've made more sense to be a SPYRAL (double) agent than Dick? I remember a while ago someone made a post saying this, and I'd like to hear your take on it.

Hey there Anon! This is a cool question!

Do I think that Jason would have made more sense as a Spyral double agent than Dick? Not really. That would be my short answer.

The "Grayson" book came out in that weird time between the New 52 and Rebirth. Jason and Dick were going through completely different situations.

Let’s look at Dick’s situation at the time:

Dick was alone in Bludhaven, had no friends, no support system from anyone, and he had lost the few people that had come back to his life (his circus friends and the circus on itself). He even found out some truths about the circus and his family history.

The people that he used to know and have relationships with before New 52 were all taken away (Donna, Roy, Wally, Garth, Kory, Superman, etc.). As well as the existence of the Titans team.

He was suffering, and fighting all those things by himself (no team, not “Batfamily”, just him) and then DC had him suffer a bit more when he was taken hostage by the Crime Syndicate. They tortured him and revealed his identity to the world. By unmasking Dick, the Crime Syndicate took Nightwing away from Dick Grayson, they took a part of him.

Now, let’s look at Jason’s situation at the time:

Jason had everything, he had friends and with them, he had a team (Roy and Kory). He had a support system and people who were there for him when he was going through rough times. Even more, Jason had a past, that past was modified to fit more background but not erased.

He had a past that connected him with even more people and places like Ducra, Essence, Talia, Lady Shiva, Cheshire, Bronze Tiger and others that I might not remember now. But what I am trying to say is that he had people in one way or another.

He did suffer and he did go through some nasty stuff but he had all that people by his side constantly fighting for him to be fine and be back with them. We even had some father/son moments between Bruce and Jason.

-

Why did I bring up their situations in New 52, you ask?

Well, because Dick was more vulnerable and able to be manipulated by Bruce to go work “for” Spyral. After Bruce told him that he had already told the family that he was dead the deal was sealed without Dick needing to say anything else, Bruce made it impossible for Dick to say no. The “Batfamily” hadn’t seen Dick die or be resurrected, but they knew that Dick had been taken by a team of villains, so that worked perfectly for Bruce and he used it to his advantage.

(Just for more context Nightwing’s run had 30 issues and RHatO had 40, in issue 30 of Nightwing, Dick was being already beat and manipulated by Bruce to join Spyral for a mission, on the RHatO run Jason was on a mission with his team, Roy and Kory, were both with him and they were still going strong, in issue 40 of that run Kory had left earth and Roy had decided to “leave” but Jason wasn’t left alone, he was with Rose Wilson and both of them seemed to be leaving together).

Bruce couldn’t have been able to do with Jason what he did with Dick, the Crime Syndicate never cared for Jason, and Jason was already dead to the world.

“Jason was already dead to the world”, I guess this is where people could make a case for Jason making more sense to be the double agent but to me, it doesn’t help the case. Yes, Jason is dead to the world, but Roy and Kory knew that he was alive and from the way that they were written they just wouldn’t have let Jason go on that mission. Roy and Kory were written as if they couldn’t function if Jason wasn’t there and they were also written as the closest of friends.

Also, why would Jason do that for Bruce? To save the world? To keep the secrets of the hero community safe? I understand that Jason “saved the world” but that was because he had the whole “Chosen One” going on for him, the All-Castle and Ducra had already sort of manipulated him into that mess. And Jason, let’s be honest couldn’t have cared less about the superhero community, Green Arrow and Superman were the only big heroes that appeared in RHatO and Jason didn’t want anything to do with them, on a good day he managed to have a civil conversation with Oliver and that was all.

But if that isn’t enough, well, the events of Batman and Robin vol.2 #20 had already happened before Nightwing #30 and before RHatO #19! If you don’t know or don’t remember that issue, I will leave a link here! for the post I made about it.

Basically, what happened in that issue was Bruce tried to manipulate Jason into relieving the events of the day he was killed to see if Jason could remember how he was resurrected so Bruce could bring Damian back to life. Bruce was extremely abusive and manipulative towards Jason in that comic and Jason was having none of it. Jason called him out on his bullshit and then left Bruce stranded in Ethiopia.

And! Look at this! Jason helping Bruce get Damian back in Batman and Robin vol.2 #33-36 started in September 2014, by that time Bruce had already beat and manipulated Dick into joining Spyral in Nightwing #30 and that came out in July 2014!

At that time Jason was still mad at Bruce for trying to make him remember the day that he was tortured and killed! Bruce could have done nothing to Jason for him to go work for Spyral! Absolutely not!

Yeah, there is no way that Bruce sending Jason to Spyral would have made more sense… I am 100% sure of that.

Also, this is not me being mean to Jason but I don’t really see New 52 Jason being able to go undercover and work as a double agent. I just don’t see that version of Jason being able to adapt as well as Dick did to that environment.

But yeah, those are my thoughts or reasons as to why I don’t think Jason would have made more sense as a double agent for Spyral.

Thank you so much for the ask Anon, it was truly fun to think about this idea! I hope you are having an amazing day!

[devilsskettle]

so earlier i said i was thinking about the significance of smoking in twin peaks so.... let’s get into it. i was thinking about the part in fire walk with me where laura’s mother tells her not to start smoking as she’s standing there with a cigarette making no discernible effort to break her own habit - 1) continuation of the theme that sarah is somewhat complicit in what’s happening in her home by turning a blind eye basically, 2) laura picks up this habit from her which lines up with the themes of generational trauma and parents passing on their problems to their kids.

also the scene with the briggs family before laura’s funeral - bobby, who is in mourning! for his dead girlfriend!! is smoking at the dinner table and his father slaps him across the face, and i know the show frame major briggs in a positive light after that point but that is literally physical abuse. and his mother sits there and sees that happen and doesn’t say anything. so i think we see again 1) smoking as a coping mechanism, 2) smoking linked with abusive parents

also! the first interaction we see between shelly and leo is his jealous interrogation of her based on what kind of cigarettes are in the ashtray. he tries to gain ownership over her by isolating her and controlling her down to the brand of cigarette she smokes. need i say more

obviously one of the other characters who smokes a lot on the show is audrey - her narrative in the first season acts as a parallel to laura’s, and also her father is.... yeah. self explanatory.

the other scene i’m thinking of doesn’t relate to abuse but it does relate to smoking as a coping mechanism and passing along harmful traits - the scene where donna visits james in prison. in the beginning of season 2, donna also becomes a parallel to laura. she’s given her sunglasses and starts smoking, imitating her actions when she started getting into more sketchy shit. so like. the ways laura copes with abuse are self-destructive, from seeking out dangerous sexual encounters to substance abuse, and smoking also falls into this category (when she finds out that it’s her father who is abusing her, she goes to donna’s house and is very preoccupied with being able to smoke, so that’s pretty illustrative that it is a coping mechanism and not like. an aesthetic choice by the directors or something lol). donna also uses this rhetoric, saying she only smokes when she’s tense. but she also highlights the cyclical and transitory nature of trauma and unhealthy ways of dealing with it - “since when did you get so tense?” “since i started smoking” - the solution exacerbates the problem (it’s a cycle) and she’s picking it up from laura (it’s passed along). i think it also speaks to the way that people who are trapped in bad situations often turn to self destructive behavior to regain a sense of control (i.e. if i’m going to be hurt anyway i want to be the one doing the hurting) or substance use - smoking falls under both categories imo

(i read somewhere that the writers were planning to do more with laura’s clothing getting passed down to others but it got scrapped - we do see it with the sunglasses though and a little bit in fwwm. but yeah i think that demonstrates that transference or like. the residual nature of trauma - i’m also thinking about the scene where donna visits laura’s grave and says that even though she’s dead, her problems are still problems, like they “didn’t bury [her] deep enough” - so i think if they had kept that residual black lodge energy or whatever they were planning on doing, it would emphasize that theme of being haunted by trauma. like someone can experience something so horrible that it never goes away. shit, now i’m really really sad)

and obviously it’s FIRE walk with me, so.... yeah. smoking is linked with the black lodge i think (and since the black lodge = suffering, it’s people who are the cause or the victim of suffering). if i rewatch the series soon, which i may or may not get around to, i’d like to keep an eye on who does or doesn’t smoke because i can’t remember off the top of my head. some characters like catherine and ben horne smoke and inflict suffering, some are caught up in some sketchy shit like josie (she’s kind of perpetrator and victim in a way) and gordon (the blue rose project is all sketchy shit lmao), some (mentioned already) are victims of other people’s violence and abuse

anyway. that kind of got away from me but i hope it’s somewhat coherent. i don’t think i really covered this topic so i’d love to hear more thoughts about it <3

[kickingitwithkirk]

Deuxième Omega

Summary: Jensen is not dealing well with his unexpected divorce and before the ink is even dry, he is pushed into another union with a complete stranger.

Pairing: Alpha!Jensen Ackles x Omega!OFC

Word Count: 3363

Warnings: A/B/O, angst, angry Jensen, cursing, alcohol abuse, parental manipulation, arranged marriage, Alpha dominance over Omega, unintended injuries.

A/N: So, get this; a lot of my original writing ideas from my weird as hell dreams about Sam Winchester but for some reason Jensen is starring in this one. I’m gonna blame the bad PMS I’m having for all the angst in this.

A/N II: There is no intentional hate or malevolence intended towards any of the Ackles family. This is a purely fictional piece containing real and created persons/names/events set in the fictional A/B/O verse.

*Supernatural doesn’t end in season 15 and some dates/events have been altered to fit the story.

*no beta, all mistakes are mine *photos found online

Jensen was sitting slouched on the leather couch staring at the paperwork that had been dropped off by courier this morning, official notification of the dissolution of his marriage to Danneel when Jared entered his trailer. “It’s not gonna say anything different no matter how many times you look at it.”

“I know,” Jensen sighed heavily, “never thought I’d be in this position.”  He tossed the papers on the table and picked up his beer draining it in one go.

“You better not drink anymore, we’ve still got two more scenes to get through before we can leave tonight.”

Jensen rolled his head towards Jared leaning across the kitchenettes bar counter with a very concerned expression.

Jensen had always been a social drinker, he did love his beer, the slight softness over his toned stomach was the biggest indicator. But there had been constant uptick in his drinking during the mandatory two year waiting period for an Alpha/Beta divorce. So far, it hadn’t seriously interfered with work but there had been several instances of his obvious imbidding that Jared,  Alex, even Misha ended up pumping him full of coffee to get him through.

“Then let’s get them done so I can get really fucked up before that shit show happens tomorrow.”

“Jack, give this new marriage a chance. Your dad said she’s a good match right? You never know, maybe it’ll work out like Gen and me.” Jared’s marriage had been a private match and he was happy with the Omega that his family had chosen.

Jensen snorted, getting up and walking out of his trailer, “Yeah, you lucked out with her, not always the case. Look at me, I’m getting a second hand Omega.”

*** To say the atmosphere in the private arrivals area was strained was an understatement. The Ackles were seating several feet apart awaiting their son.

“Mommy…daddy, how’s it..go..going?” They both turned in unison to see their very drunk middle child staggering towards them followed closely by Jared and Clif.

“Jensen Ross Ackles, how could you show up in this condition!” Donna Ackles snapped as he gave her a cheeky smile before passing out. “Fuck!” Jared blurted out, catching him before he face planted onto the tiled floor.

“Jared Tristan Padalecki you’re to blame for this!”

“I’m the one who’s been there for him, not the one forcing him to do something he’s not ready for! This is on you, I’ve tried to get him to stop but he’s hurting like hell and you don’t care!”

“You can’t speak to me that way young man! I always knew you came from trash and this proves it.”

Jared let his inner Alpha surface, eyes glowing red in anger, “If you ever speak disparagingly about my family again…” Clif quickly stepped in between them giving Jared a look.

“I’ve had it with you inserting yourself in our family business! I’ll make sure you never have contact with Jensen outside of work ever again!”

“You go ahead and try, Jensen’s forty two years old and more than capable of making his own choices. The only reason he’s agreed to this is because you’ve duped him into believing this is the only way to uphold your family’s social standing in the Dallas Pack because all you care about is how you look to those fucking country club bitches!”

“Alan, could you please bring the car around so we can get away from this embarrassing situation.” The older Alpha gripped his mates arm giving her a firm look of disapproval and steered her towards the exit. They could still hear her grousing, “how dare he deliver Jensen in this state,” as they went out the door.

Jared hefted his friend over his broad shoulder and carried Jensen back out the private entrance as the SUV pulled up. Clif opened the back door and helped Jared place him in the vehicle, carefully laying him across the seat.

“How bad has it been for him?” Alan inquired after Clif shut the door so his mate couldn’t hear.

Jared pulled off his beanie, running both hands through his hair, not hiding his frustration before answering, “He’s been in a downward spiral, drinking continuously, got him to stick to beer. I found him looking at the divorce papers and as you see… ”

Alan sighed heavily. Jensen’s divorce came out of nowhere, everything on the surface appeared good between him and Danneel but in hindsight he realized there were telltale signs all along, the biggest was her reluctance to have children.

Anytime anyone inquired she waved it off, saying she wanted to wait till Supernatural had ended, it wouldn’t be fair to leave all the responsibility for rearing their pups predominantly on her, she wanted Jensen there, to be a hands-on father.

Alphas were involved to an extent in care and raising of pups, but it was unusual for one to be as hands on as the Betas or Omegas were.

Jensen was one of those exceptions. Whenever with his siblings, he was right in there helping, never turning down a chance to play with them, even princess tea parties with his only niece. When on vacation or at conventions with Jared and his mate, he always was willing to help with their pups.

“I want to formally apologize for what Donna said, she overstepped the lines of etiquette. This is no excuse but she doesn’t know how to handle this situation. Jensen’s always been her favorite and she personally picked Danneel as his mate, it’s been a slap to her ego.”

Jared smiled, “I accept your apology Alan. Jensen’s always said his mother has been a…handful.”

Alan laughed, “That’s the diplomatic way of putting it,” he signed again, “Donna’s family always spoiled her being the only Omega, somewhere along the way she’s forgetting that being part of Dallas society doesn’t give you the right to treat others badly.”

*** Late next morning

Jensen was sitting on the edge of his hotel bed contemplating how he got here.

He thought Danneel was the one. When they were introduced by his mother a few months before his twenty seventh birthday they instantly clicked and started dating that night.

Jensen proposed six months later, couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have found a love match. Danneel stated she wasn’t ready to give up her career yet, so they compromised and decided on a long engagement.

Supernatural started filming its fourth season when Kripke announced that the series would end with season five. Danneel also found out her current role was being written out of the series she was in about the same time so they set the date for May 2010.

Jared’s surprise wedding in February that year reaffirmed Jensen’s desire to settle down and start his family in a few months. They bought a home outside Austin like Jared and his new mate Genevieve. Things were going as planned, then the unexpected happened.

A couple months before they finished filming the CW announced Supernatural was being picked up for season six under new leadership.

Jensen returned to Vancouver not long after they were married. Danneel continued working, doing guest starring roles on other series and was cast in the occasional recurring role of Jo.

Every year when the show went on hiatus Jensen would bring up about starting their own family, he was feeling the biological pull more and more. Once again, she stated it wouldn’t be fair for them to have a family and him be a drop-in father, and moving to Vancouver full time, nope, he worked too many hours.

Danneel started dabbling in other interests outside of acting and in 2018 they opened The Family Business Brewery with her family. A few months later Jensen was served with the divorce announcement.

*** “Jensen, it’s time.” He looked up and Alan was saddened by the lost look in his son’s eyes. There was a resignation in those green eyes that never existed before. Saying nothing Jensen got up, slipped on his suit jacket and walked out of the room.

Alan mentally shook himself but that nagging feeling was back once again, something wasn’t right about this whole situation.

*** The Uber stopped at the back door of the small country church. The woman in the backseat thanked the driver and got out, pulling the garment bag with her. She walked to the door and rang the bell. It opened revealing the minister’s wife.

“You’re very late, the wedding is starting in fifteen minutes.” She said, hurrying up a staircase to the second floor and entered an empty room. “Where is your family? They should have arrived already to help you get ready.”

“There is no one coming,” the woman replied as she hung the garment bag over a closet door next to the mirror attached to it. The minister’s wife’s jaw dropped in surprise, “and it won’t take me long to get ready. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”  

She unzipped the bag removing a veil and shoes having arrived already in her dress, chosen by the groom’s mother, and attached the veil to the headpiece holding back part of her simply styled hair. She looked at herself for a moment before pulling the front part of the veil over her face then joined the minister’s wife who was to escort her to the chapel. She placed the shoes she wouldn’t wear until after the ceremony on the small table outside the double doors and took her place in front of them.

Jensen was sitting in the first pew of the small country church wondering why this place was chosen for the wedding as Donna and Alan made their way to sit next to him. His siblings, Joshua and Mackenzie, were already seated in the one behind him with their mates as the rest of the Ackles clan that had been invited filled up the rest of the pews.

He looked over at the bride’s side. There was not a single person seated in any of those pews. He frowned, finding it strange, wondering where her family was when the intro music started.

The minister took his place and gestured for him to rise. Jensen couldn’t move, his body feeling like it was tied down with lead weights. “Jensen!” His mother hissed at him in a low tone.

Suddenly, he felt himself get up, urgently needing to get away from her as his inner Alpha became agitated, as if it sensed something was amiss.

Each secondary gender pairing had their own ceremonial traditions so he was required to remain facing forward when the music changed and the doors behind him opened.

As the guests stood Jensen focused his senses on her as she proceeded down the aisle. He couldn’t scent her, too many different scents mingling together to isolate hers. He listened to the whispering material of the dress as she slowly walked, finally stopping next to him. In his peripheral vision he could see her head bowed under the thick veil obscuring her face and hair, her hands were clasped together in front of her, devoid of a bouquet.

The minister started speaking, talking about the obligations each Alpha and Omega were required to follow as dictated by the book. Jensen inhaled sharply, realizing what was occurring.

This wasn’t the common ceremony but the ancient, traditional version that only the extreme believers still used today. There was absolutely no out for either party from once the proceedings started.

If he objected to the ceremony he would be shunned by his pack, his family would be forced to never acknowledge him again or suffer the same censure; if the marriage didn’t work and they separated, he was responsible for her care as she would be set aside from society and forced to live in isolation.

He looked over at his parents, Alan was pinching the bridge of his nose trying to quell his anger knowing that his mate had put Jensen in an impossible situation as Donna sat there with a fake, placid look.

His own mother had irrevocably bound him to this Omega for the rest of his life.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur, neither party was required to say anything, there was no exchange of rings or a kiss at the end. The minister finished the ceremony and turned to the altar signing the marriage certificate with a quill pen dipped in ink. Jensen signed next, his hand was shaking so violently in anger making his signature barely legible.

The Omega didn’t sign, only her name was required for legality and the minister filled it in. He poured a powder on it to set the ink, blew off the access, rolled it up and tied it with a piece of twine before handing it to Jensen offering his blessings for a fruitful marriage. It took every ounce of his acting ability to politely smile, shake his hand, thanking the minister for the proceedings.

He turned, marching out without acknowledging his bride and she obediently followed behind him, pausing to grab her shoes along the way and scurrying to the waiting limousine climbing in after him.

Jensen sat in the back on the farthest side pouring himself a drink from the bar as his new wife sat quietly near the still open door. A few minutes later Jensen was on his third glass of whiskey when his parents climbed in and the chauffeur shut the door. He started the limo and as they pulled out Alan pressed the button to close the privacy window between them.

The tension in the back was so palatable an icebreaker couldn’t have cut through it. “Donna how could you…” Alan was unable to say anymore, his disgust for what had happened thick in those few words. “I did nothing wrong,” she snapped back, “I only had Jensen’s best interests…”

“Like when you threatened to sabotage my friendship with Jared again? By the way, Clif’s the one who dropped the dime on what happened after I passed out last night, not Jared, so you don’t get to blame him for that too.” Jensen threw back the rest of his drink before continuing.

“Oh, don’t think I’ve ever been ignorant of your disdain for him ‘cause the clan he comes from isn’t good enough for those highfalutin bitches in your social circle. Or how you’ve persuaded me to do this only to find out you took it to the extreme, forcing me into an impossible situation, accept this marriage or lose everything. Congratulations mom, you are still the queen bitch, sorry, bee, your precious reputation is secure.”

They traveled the rest of the way in silence. The limousine pulled onto the grounds of the country club in front of its grand entrance. Jensen got out before the chauffeur finished putting the car in park leaving his new wife to scramble out behind him as Alan and Donna got out the other side.

Jensen finally took a good look at his bride. She was in a simple, modestly cut, long sleeved dress, the only adornments a row of buttons down the bodice, no jewelry and apparently a pair of shoes that didn’t fit as she was struggling to get them on.

She was still fussing with her left shoe when he spoke in a stern voice, “Since our wedding was in the traditional, we’ll continue with its edicts. You are not to remove that veil, acknowledge or speak to anyone. You will not leave my side for any reason. Where I go, you go, three steps behind me. Nod once if you understand.” She nodded once.

“Son, I think…”

“Dad, as the traditional also states, I’m well within my rights to make demands of my Omega without interference, am I not?”

Alan acquiesced, “Yes, you are.”

“So” Jensen rubbed his hands together, “let’s go celebrate this disaster, shall we.” Putting on a fake smile, he went into the venue to greet his family with his Omega obediently three steps behind him.

*** Several hours later

“This shit has got to stop cause I swear it’s the only time I’m doing this dad.” Josh grunts, annoyance thickening his voice as he helped guide his inebriated brother to his hotel room. “Come on.. have ‘nother drunk, ‘posed to be celebrating my disaster marriage to that…’mega..don’t even want her.”

“Jensen, shut the fuck up! I’m not gonna stand here and let you insult your mate.” Josh snapped at him.

Jensen ripped his arm loose, “ ‘en go, not stopping you…and she’s not my mate,” his free arm waves unsteadily as he points towards his new wife standing by the main door, “my real mate took my money, my home, my fucking heart!!!”

Josh turned his back on his brother, “Jensen, I can’t stand seeing you like this, you need to get it together.” He headed for the main door,  pausing to speak to his brother’s new wife, “I’m sorry he’s taken his anger out on you now. My brother is a good man, an honorable Alpha,” he stepped close to her and lowered his voice, “there is far more to this than what you’ve been told, please be patient with him.” He left slamming the door behind him.

“Fuck him,” Jensen muttered staggering into the bedroom and sitting on the edge of the bed slumped over.

“Jensen, your brother is right, you have got to pull yourself together. Therefore, as the Alpha of our clan, you are banned from our family. When you are back to being yourself, the Alpha you once were, you may appeal for re-admittance.”

Alan then did something he hadn’t done since Jensen was a small child, he bent over and placed a kiss on his son’s head, “I love you and I want my son back.” Nodding to his new daughter in law he left.

It hurt him tremendously knowing he wouldn’t see his son for a long time but it was for his own good. Now his Omega was the only one who could help him mend. Hopefully Jensen would see this marriage wasn’t the biggest mistake he’s imagined it to be.

Jensen didn’t move until he heard someone shuffling their feet. He looked up squinting at his new wife still standing by the bedroom door. Sitting up straight he grunted at her and passed out, falling backwards on the mattress. She slowly walked over and hesitated a moment before reaching out touching his shoulder, shaking him.

Getting no response she sat down near him lifting her right foot, gingerly removing the ill fitting shoe with a gasp and then repeated with her left. The blisters on both her heels that had busted open earlier were raw and had bleed. She detached her veil and wadded it up, stuffing it in a shoe and bent over untying Jensen’s and removed them too.

Standing up she gripped both his jacket lapels and hefted him upright to lean against her as she worked it off letting him flop back down and unbuttons his shirt leaving him sleep the case of everything he drank off. She left a pain reliever and bottled water on the nightstand.

Quietly shutting the bath door she found the dress had too many small buttons down the back. She laughed mirthlessly at the irony she was stuck in the dress like this marriage. Pulling the skirt up over her knees she sat on the counter to soak and clean her sore feet in the basin.

Once the worst of the ache was gone she pulled the drain and climbed off to finish washing up the best she could. The mirror reflects back the emotional toll of the last few months in her eyes.

She went over to the bed only to find her husband had moved, sprawled out over its entire surface. Searching for extra bedding and not finding any she gave up going back into the main room and curled up on the couch hoping to find a comfortable position to get some sleep for a few hours so she could briefly forget what her life had become.

Part II

SPN: @donnaintx​​​

Dean/Jensen: @flamencodiva

[nightwingmyboi]

I have a massive amount of questions and hopefully you can answer them all. I wont ask all at once but first question. Dick and Tarantula. I know kinda what happens but like... All the titans took her side? Who were the titans and how did they react?

Alright, always happy to help out. Feel free to fire away! To start...I believe you’re thinking about Mirage, not Tarantula. 

Everything with Tarantula occurred in Bludhaven when Dick wasn’t currently working with the Titans. Dick hasn’t ever talked about what happened with Tarantula to anyone, so it’s likely that the Titans have no idea that anything ever happened...the only people who would have an inkling of what went down would probably be Bruce (who after the fact yelled at Dick to stop being suicidal and never looked into the matter further) and Barbara (who broke up with Dick...after seeing Tarantula force herself on him and knee him in the groin...okay). Yeah that’s a whole other issue :/ 

But I’ll explain the situation with Mirage instead. To set the scene: Dick was on the “New Titans” team, which included: Starfire, Beastboy/Changeling, Red Star, Donna Troy, and Pantha. Mirage came from an evil alternate future timeline, and in that timeline she was romantically involved with a version of Dick Grayson, later known as “Deathwing.” Because of this, she is obsessed with Dick and is convinced that they belong together. She’s come back with the rest of the “Team Titans” to the past to kill Donna Troy in order to stop her son from ruling over the world as a dictator. For some reason, she accomplishes this plan...by kidnapping Starfire, replacing her, and tricking Dick into having sex. Yeah, the plot is convoluted as hell. No time to unpack all that! 

Deathstroke (1991) #14

The team discovers that there is an imposter when Kory manages to break free of her imprisonment and escape. Dick realizes that he was manipulated into having sex with a stranger. Instead of Kory and Dick being able to talk about it alone, Pantha spills the beans in front of the whole team (sans Donna) and fuels the fire with several horrible, crude comments. 

The New Titans (1988) #90

“Details! From ten to one--how did she score compared to this one?”

Though Mirage had them all fooled, Pantha says that, seeing as Dick slept with her, he definitely should have been able to realize that she was phony. No one on the team comes to Dick’s defense or tries to shift the blame from Dick’s shoulders. Kory’s a bit pissed as well. She’s had a pretty bad couple of days. She wants an explanation from Dick, but Pantha can’t freaking shut up for five seconds so that he can give her one. 

Also, note the comments about how Dick’s hair has changed? And about “Starfire’s” new costume? I’m going to quickly side track to explain just how terrible Mirage is. 

The New Titans #88

So, while she was disguised as Kory, Mirage pushed Dick into changing his costume and cutting his hair into a mullet. Dick didn’t want to, especially because his discowing costume had huge sentimental value seeing as he’d modeled the look after his dead parent’s circus outfits, but “Kory” kept pestering him. He trusted his girlfriend, so Dick eventually agreed to follow what he thought was her lead. 

I can’t get over how horrible that is...that Dick’s rapist tried to own Dick’s body to the extent that manipulating him into having sex wasn’t enough, that she abused his trust to change his appearance to suit her needs too, specifically altering him in ways he wasn’t comfortable with. It’s disgusting, I don’t know why it’s so often glossed over, and it really gives a whole new reason to hate “Mulletwing.” And Nightwing’s not the only one whose bodily autonomy is completely thrown out the window.

The New Titans #93

When Mirage was disguised as Kory, she went around and did a bunch of porno, nude photoshoots. I don’t think I have to explain how awful it is that Kory’s appearance was used like this without her consent, especially in such a public way (people were literally stopping her in the streets to talk about it and she was invited onto a news show). Kory is rightfully pissed. Mirage also changes Starfire’s costume as well, to have big cut-outs on the sides. 

Mirage is absolutely horrible. Cannot say that enough.  

Back on the plot: Dick and Kory still have a lot to talk out, but they are on a mission to save Donna, so both of them put their feelings aside for now to help their friend. Later, while Starfire is busy chasing Donna in space, Nightwing runs into Mirage, and she reveals that she was the imposter. 

Team Titans #2

DICK YOU SLUT! So tell me, who was better? Huh? Huh? Huh? 

Mirage laughs about raping Nightwing with zero remorse. Pantha calls Dick a slut and once again asks who is better. Also like last time, the rest of the team (sans Donna) is standing right there...and doesn’t care or help him out at all. 

Dick is forced to put his feelings aside once again to deal with the threat to Earth. This means working with Mirage to the point where she is just...part of the team for some reason? My reaction is pretty in line with Kory’s here: 

Despite Kory’s protest, Dick focuses on the mission, and says that they need the manpower and the knowledge of the future that the Team Titans (including Mirage) have in order to defeat Donna and her son (long story, just ignore the plot honestly). But really, they need Mirage...so that she can cause unnecessary, contrived drama between Dick and Kory. 

I’m just going to say it: Kory and Dick are both pretty wildly out of character. Putting aside how stupid and cliché this plot is in the first place, Dick lets Mirage get away with way too much crap, when he’s always been very up front about dealing with bullshit in the past. One of the absolute worst things about having Mirage stick around (and at one point literally go on vacation with the Titans) is how she just keeps acting like her and Dick are together. It’s gross and Dick needed and usually would have put his freaking foot down about it. They also have Kory flipping from acknowledging that Mirage tricked Dick and is at fault for what happened: 

Team Titans #2

The New Titans (1988) #90

To having her think that Dick genuinely...loved Mirage and would rather be with her? And blaming Dick for being tricked? Even though Dick and Kory are both victims here? 

The New Titans (1988) #90

The New Titans (1988) #97

Starfire has an incredibly high EQ. She and Dick have always been very communicative. To see her completely unwilling to hear him out (and blame him for being raped) is shocking. She acts like an immature teenager, changing her mind all the time and then storming off to go party with random guys in clubs for the next couple days. She has zero of her previously demonstrated emotional maturity and trust. Meanwhile, just as Dick loses his girlfriend, he also loses his apartment, and, to top it all off, Roy swings by to tell Dick that the government is going to shut down the Titans because of all the property damage that happened in their last fight. Nightwing literally can never catch a break. 

The New Titans (1988) #99

Eventually, the two do make up...and Dick immediately proposes to Kory out of nowhere. She accepts, despite being pissed moments before. They have a wedding the next issue, but it is interrupted by villains from the alternate timeline, including an evil Raven and Deathwing. Afterwards, Dick and Kory’s relationship is never quite the same. 

Seeing Dick and Starfire’s relationship sour, when it was built up over so many years of comics (and with neither of them truly being at fault for the split), is freaking depressing. And Mirage never does get punished really...I’m pretty sure she’s even part of the honor guard that escorts Superman’s body to his tomb when he dies, which is dumb as hell. But that’s how it all went down. 

Just to clarify, since you specifically asked how the team reacted, I kept saying “(sans Donna)” because while most of this was going on Donna was a) giving birth or b) going crazy with power. Later, Donna is shown to know about what happened with Mirage, but she doesn’t really give it much thought. She does comment that Dick is acting strangely and she’s concerned about him, but she also doesn’t seem to connect the obvious dots that Dick is acting off...because he’s still shaken about being raped and tricked. Roy also appears later on to lead the Titans. Mirage is a member of that group, and Roy isn’t really shown to have any strong feelings about it. 

Honestly, I wouldn’t say that the Titans “took Mirage’s side” as you describe. Pretty sure none of them liked Mirage. But, they didn’t stand up for Dick, certainly. There was a lot of victim blaming. Dick’s rape wasn’t given the narrative weight that it deserved, probably due to the time period the comic was made. His teammates mostly didn’t care enough to take sides, used him being raped as a joke, or blamed him for being tricked. 

The whole story arc is convoluted, the characterizations are terrible, and overall it just sucks that this was written. 

[wayward-mikaelson]

Sixth Gear

Word Count: 4287

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Characters: Jensen, Reader, Marie (OG Character), Nathan (OG Character) Dylan (OG Character), Donna Ackles, Alan Ackles, Mackenzie Ackles, Joshua Ackles, Jared (Mentioned), and Misha (Mentioned).

About: Reader goes home for the holidays only to be introduced to Jensen, the star of Supernatural. The Reader and Jensen hit it off that first night where one thing leads to another until the readers Brother walks in on them about to rip each others clothes off. For the next few months the Reader and Jensen get to know each more. Then the Reader decides to go home for the Summer just to see Jensen and he shows her his motorcycle and how it all works where one thing leads to another.

Warnings: Language, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Unprotected Sex (be responsible, wrap it up), Drinking, Oral Female Receiving, Mention of Drugs

DISCLAIMER: This one shot does contain a toxic parent and everything that comes with a toxic parent. That means there will be manipulation, gas lighting, emotional/psychological abuse, etc. If you live or have lived with a toxic parent and or person please read at your own discretion. 

DISCLAIMER 2: Any of the shorts that are hot and steamy, I want to put out there that it's in no way disrespectful towards Danneel at all. I love her to death and respect the crap out the marriage between her and Jensen. So when reading those shorts, know that it all takes place in an alternate world where they aren't married at all.

A/N: If you have a small request, shoot me a message. Request close 7.11.2020 at 11.59pm US central time

A/N 2: Do you want to be tagged in future fanfics posts? Comment Below!

A/N 3: This took me 3 to 4 days to write so I really hope you enjoy this hot and steamy motorcycle ride.

Requested by: @magssteenkamp​ 

Tag List: @hobby27​ @elansaidaris​ @donnaintx​ @myinconnelly1​ @squirrelnotsam​ 

*18+ CONTENT. YOUNGER THAN 18 MOVE ALONG

**DO NOT COPY AND PASTE MY WORK ANYWHERE ELSE UNLESS YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION AND IF YOU GIVE CREDIT TO ME. I WORK TOO HARD ON THESE STORIES TO HAVE MY WORK STOLEN

***PLEASE READ WARNINGS AND DISCLAIMERS BEFORE READING.

I sit in the airport thinking and wondering how I am going to make it through the weekend with my parents. My Mom is toxic as hell while my Dad is just now waking up to her toxicity after nearly thirty years of marriage. He has told me many times over this last year that he was considering on leaving her but somehow she always found out and manipulated him to stay. "Maybe I can convince him to come home with me?" I whisper to myself. I have an extra room for him. I rub my face knowing it will be a long shot to get my father out of that house.

When my flight is called for Dallas, I stand up, picking up my bag and making my way to the gate. I hate holidays that require me to come home. Like Thanksgiving and Christmas. I make up excuses for all the other ones just to stay away from home. I was much more happier in Portland. As I arrive at the gate, I pull out my ticket and let the lady scan it. As I walk towards the plane, I think, I still have time to turn around and just say screw it and not get on. It will most certainly make my life so much easier.

I sit in my seat and send a quick text to my Dad letting him know that I was on my way. In return he say's he's excited and that my brother Dylan was coming too. I turn my off and sit back. My brother. The black sheep of the family is finally coming home for a holiday after five years. It'll be nice to hug him again and see how he's been holding up. I smile and close my eyes. This trip is going to be amazing and entertaining.

When my eyes open, I feel the plane preparing to land. I look out the window to my right and see the Dallas airport below. No time to turn back now, I think. Should have high tailed it when I had the chance. When the plane lands I wait until it's time to gather my bag and make my way back to baggage claim. As I do, I pull out my phone and text my Dad to see if he's here. I sooner I get out of this crowed airport, the sooner I can get home and lock myself away until dinner. He texts me back saying he and Mom are circling around and will pick me up when they see me.

"Great," I say stuffing my phone away. "Her highness is here to talk down to me and talk nothing but herself."

"I don't know your situation, but you can tell her highness to go screw herself," A voice next to me says. I turn to see a man about a few years older than me and highly gorgeous pulling up a few bags. He looks oddly familiar.

I laugh. "If only that will work," I see him give a small smile before I walk off.

I walk outside of the terminal waiting to see my Dad's small grey SUV. When I do, I get this sick feeling when I see my Mom. She is the soul reason why I stay away from home and avoid her. She belittles me and makes me feel so small. She judges the way I dress and do my makes. Even thinking about it makes me even more sick.

My Dads SUV pulls up next to me. He smiles at me and I return the smile. "Hey," I say as I buckle up.

"What? No hi for your mom?" My Moms tone said it all. "I see how it is. And is that what you wore on the plane?! That's just horrendous. I would never wear that!" Oh I wish this trip was already over. "At least your brother had the decency to show up in an actual outfit. You look like you're looking for drugs."

I smile sarcastically. "That's exactly what I'm doing Mom," My Dad glares at me from the rearview mirror but, I ignore it. "There's a guy I know off of 4th. He deals the best drugs! He's the whole reason I'm here."

"YN!" Dad says my name firmly and I stop. Guess I took it too far. "How was that flight?" He asks softly.

"I slept the whole time. I'm not big on flying." I say reaching into my bag to pull out the mini bottles I hid. I take one out and shot it back as fast I can before either of my parents see.

The rest of the drive home was in silence. Which, when riding with both my parents, isn't relaxing. When we pull into the driveway of my childhood home, I am out of the car before Dad puts it in park and bolt inside.

"YN," I hear Moms voice call after me. "You're not going to let your father carry your bags in all on his own."

"Marie!" I hear Dad say before I shut the door behind me. Then its all muffled voices.

I run upstairs and into my room. I can hear the music in my brothers room already. He only has music on when he and Mom get into it. That explains why she tagged along for the ride to pick me up. I close the door and drop what bag onto the floor and flop onto the bed. I didn't have time to close my eyes when I heard knocking.

"What?" I groaned. I did not want to get up off my bed.

"We will be having company over in a few hours so makes sure you presentable." Moms voice is overly heard. Dylan's music stops.

"Who?" I hear Dylan ask.

"The Ackles," She says. "They used to watch you guys when you were little. You guys got along with their kids."

"Who?" Dylans door opens but I can't shake that the name Ackles was familiar too. "You talk like we should remember them."

"Why do I even try?" Moms voice is irritated for whatever reason that is known to her. "Just be ready in two hours. Dylan don't wear look too goth. YN, don't wear pajamas. Make it look like you guys actually love your family."

I hear her footsteps retreating when a Dylan cracked the door. "Are you decent?" He asks.

"Yeah," I sit up on my bed and rub my face. I see my older brother walk into the room. He's wearing dark skinny jeans and a black button up shirt. I have no idea why Mom wouldn't think that's not goth like. "I think your outfit looks good." I toss another mini bottle of hard liquor towards him. He, of course, catches it flawlessly.

"Oh thank God," He cracks it open and tosses it back. "I do plan on wearing this and stuff like the whole time I'm here."

"Speaking of you being here," I pull out another mini bottle and toss that one back. Sadly its my last one. "Why are you here? I mean you've seen me a few times these last few years."

"Dad," Dylan says. "He says he's finally telling Mom he's high tailing it out of her life. Has the papers all drawn up and stuff. He wanted to see if he could live with me in Arizona. I automatically said yes because I want to see the look on Moms face when she sees her money source walk out on her."

Now I wish I packed more mini bottles. "Hopefully not in front of our dinner guest," I kind of hope he does secretly.

"No," Dylan stands up. "He won't do that. He will do it after they leave most likely. Now I will let you get ready and make sure you make yourself look like the fucking Queen that you are and slay that shit. Mom hates that."

I laugh. "As long as you do it too. Then we both can slay it together. And yes I will let you use my dark eye shadow palette."

"You're the best sister ever," Dylan walks out of the room. "What would I ever do without you?"

"Crash and burn, sweetheart, crash and burn."

Two hours came and went and both Dylan and I are ready. As we walk downstairs we hear the muffled voices of our parents and our dinner guests. This feels so much like my teenage years, I think to myself as I round the corner to the kitchen and stop dead in my tracks.

There stands the attractive man from the airport. In my kitchen. In my house. He's wearing a red button up shirt with jeans and nice semi-casual shoes. I zero in on his already darkening five o'clock shadow and begin to imagine what it would like in full. He notices me too and give me a smile.

"YN, Dylan," Moms voice sounds. She really never lets Dad talk at all. "I'm sure you remember the Ackles children. Well, they aren't children anymore but, you understand what I mean."

Everyone gives a light chuckle. "I'm afraid I don't remember. I don't remember much of my childhood to be honest." I say giving handshakes to everyone. I notice my brother Dylan hesitate to give the attractive man a handshake. Then I notice his small blush. Damn, I think, it would be my luck to see the same attractive man to learn he could be gay. I guess I'll see when my brother hard core flirts with him during dinner.

"I'm Jensen," he says shaking my hand.

"YN," I say smiling and he smiles back.

I get everyones names and Mom and Dad say dinner will be ready in about an hour or so. In that moment I excuse myself to the back deck to mix myself a drink. Mom glares at me while I walk away. I also notice Dylan trying to flirt with Joshua who was equally as attractive as his brother.

Once on the back deck I take a deep breath and head to Dads bar and start mixing a drink. Then I hear the door open and close. The sound of footsteps tell me its a male.

"So, the whole telling her highness to screw herself didn't happen, I assume," Jensens voice is super smooth.

I look up from my mixing. "If you're meaning my mother, then no it didn't. In fact she accused me of buying drugs."

"Really?!" Jensens voice sounds surpised. "Wow, isn't a plane ride supposed to be comfy?"

I throw my hands up in the air. "That's why I was thinking." I make the mistake of looking as he licks his lips. I turn away quickly and grab the other mixer. "Want a drink? I'm pretty good at mixing."

"Surprise me," Jensen says soft voice as he raises an eye brow and looks me other.

For the next half hour we talk. We talk about random things. We talk about his time on his hit shower Supernatural. A show for some reason I have never seen and now am very interested in. We talk about his life in between shooting his show and being home. I share that I am rarely ever home due to Mom. I don't go into details but I think he get's the gist of it.

"So, I have this huge vinyl collection. Passed down to me from my grandfather before he died." I say mixing another drink. I am slowly starting to feel the effects of this drink. Jensen is still working on his first glass. Such class that is getting horny. "Would you like to see it?"

Jensen smiles and sets his drink down to follow me inside. Dad looks up from listening to Jensen's dad. "What are you two up to?" He asks.

"I'm going to show Jensen grandpas vinyl collection he gave me." We waltz pass them and up the stairs. At the top I loose my balance and fall back into Jensen who grabs me with both his arms.

"One two many drinks?" He asks chucking.

"I promise I can handle my drinking," I begin to walk again. Once in my room I go to my closet and pull out a few boxes and open them. "My Dad was or is still going to be sending these to me but, have a look at them all you want. I don't have them organized."

Jensen looks at the records and with each one he finds that excites him, it excites me in places I never thought to be excited in again. I watch as his smile takes up his whole face and how his eyes crinkle when that happens. I guess I'm staring too long because Jensen looks up a few times with his eyes. I know I should I look away but I honestly can't. This man is just too handsome and sexy to just look away.

Jensen sets down a Sinatra record and comes over to sit next to me on the bed. I am very aware now of how close he is but I still can't stop staring. I rack him over with my eyes and take a deep breath and exhale. I look away and take a huge drink. Nope, no tonight, not in this house, I think to myself. Mom will find out and she will have my ass for having sex yet again in her house. l turn to apologize for staring when I feel his hand on my face pulling it in towards him.

His lips are soft. His lips are eager. His lips move around mine like they were made to be there. I sigh and part my lips and I feel his tongue shot right into my mouth and explore every part it. When he starts to pull back, I nip his bottom lip. Jensen sucks in a deep breath and within seconds he has me straddling his lap. The two of us trying to get our shirts off when my door opens.

"YN, Mom says dinner is,..." Dylan's voice snaps the both of us out of whatever trance we are in. "Well, I see that you skipped right on to dessert. Please continue." I look over to see Dylan checking Jensen out leaning on the door frame licking his lips.

"Don't you know how to knock?" I hiss at him fumbling to fix my shirt.

"Don't you know how to put a sock on the door?" Dylan asks smirking, still checking Jensen out.

Dinner was good. I couldn't keep my eyes from glancing at Jensen as he talked about his show and his co stars. Mom was just over the moon and always ask questions that were like "Oh Jared this" or "Oh Misha that." I will need to look those guys up too.  I could also tell that Jensen was getting uncomfortable. So I brought the attention to myself which of course Mom hated. Her death glare let me know it too. Dinner ended on a high note though.

"Here, put your number in and I'll do the same," Jensen held out his phone. "That way we can talk while I'm shooting." I take his phone and give him mine. We put our numbers in and say goodnight and goodbye. Hopefully, I think, I get to see him again.

The rest of my time home actually went to hell. The next morning we wake up to Mom screaming at Dad. He had given her the papers and told her she either had to sign now or sign in front of lawyers. Mom tries everything in the book but Dad stood his ground. In the end, Mom storms out screaming and calling Dad all sorts of names and saying she has nothing to her name and that he can't just up and leave her. Says that he can't live life without her because he is nothing without her.

After Mom left, I changed my flight to leave before Thanksgiving. I wanted nothing to do with what was going to go down. According Dad, Dylan already has space for him set up in Arizona. I felt better about him having a place. Two days before leaving, I pack up what I else I wanted to take to Portland with me. Everything else would be put into storage for later or donated. Dylan helped me ship them off.

The day before I left, Mom tries to talk to me but I told her she did it to herself all these years. The manipulation. The gas lighting. The mental abuse. The emotional abuse. The whole deal. It was all her that lead to this. She huffed and called me a bitch and that I am no better than Dad. So by the time I make it home, I am a wreck.

Over the next few months, I bury myself in my work and ignoring Mom. Dad on the other hand was doing much better. Already got a job out in Arizona and is saving up to get a small apartment. Dylan tells me he's the happiest and most easy going person without Mom. Mom on the other hand still refuses to sign the papers and has gotten cocky lawyers involved. She wants him to alimony and when he dies she wants me to continue to pay it. I said hell no. Dad stood his ground until the very bitter end.

While that was all going on and when it was finally over, I spoke non stop to Jensen. I even caught up to the current season of his show and tell him what I think of it all. We talk about anything that will keep us texting or talking all into the hours of the night. Neither of us mention that night in my room. Dylan thinks I'm falling for him with how much I talk about him. I doubt it but then again I might be.

Jensen, has been the only person to make me feel like I am not crazy. He has called me or facetimed me to help me through the rough days or the out the blue panic attacks. His entire existence keeps me from doing anything stupid. So, yeah, you can say that I'm falling head over heels hard for him.

By the time summer started to come around I am sitting in my apartment trying to get my AC to work when my phone rings. I answer without looking at the caller ID.

"Whats up?" I even hear the irritation in my voice.

"Hey," Jensens voice instantly calms me. "Everything okay?"

"No," I groan and flop onto the cold tile in my small kitchen. "My AC broke and the landlord won't have anyone out until next week. I told him he won't see rent until it's fixed. Now he's threatening to evict me if I don't pay. But it's so damn hot that I'm practically naked right now."

"I'd love to see that," Jensen teases, making me laugh. "I'm sorry your AC is jacked up. Do you have plans on visiting Dallas?"

I sit up on my elbow. "Should I?"

Four days later Jensen is picking me up from the airport in a rental car. He paid for my entire flight and AirBnB taken care of. "I thought you would like to have control of what your AC temperature should be. Hotels normally run super cold to the point that Misha has tried spooning with me." I laugh. "I do hope it isn't weird that I am also staying that AirBnB."

"None at all," I say feeling my face warm up a bit. It didn't take Jensen long to convince me to come. I really wanted to see him and I really wanted AC.

When we get to the AirBnB, I can't help stare at it in awe. It's almost like a mansion. Then the garage door opens and there sits a motorcycle. I am much more interested in this Jensen guy. I get out to grab my things but Jensen shoos me aside saying he's got it all. I then walk on over to the motorcycle and trail my hand on it.

"Isn't she a beauty?" Jensen asks. I look and he's staring at me, well, more like slowly running his eyes over my body.

"Yeah," I answer looking back at the motorcycle. "My Dad used to have one when we were little. My Mom forced him sell it for whatever reason."

Jensen takes in a deep breath and walks by me. "I can take you around the block if you want." I am suddenly aware of his closeness. I feel my face burn hotter and I get all tingly down south. I look at Jensen and he's already holding two helmets. I smile and take a helmet and strap it on.

In minutes, I am sitting with my arms wrapped around Jensen. He's backing out of the garage and with a small rev of the motorcycle, we took off. It isn't too fast or too slow. But I still tightened my arms around him and closed my eyes. I have been on a motorcycle a few times but, I still get a knot in my stomach.

When we get back, I take my helmet off and take a deep breath. "That was fun," I say as Jensen manages to slide of the motorcycle. He takes his helmet off as well and I can't help but stare at his sweaty hair. That's when I notice he's been growing out his beard. I can't imagine what it would feel like on my skin. Again, I must be staring to hard or to long because Jensen smiles like he knows what I am thinking.

I swing my legs to the side as he walks towards me. As he reaches for my face I drop the helmet and grab hold of his shirt and pull him closer to me. The moment our lips met, my brain starts to set off firecrackers. It felt like a freaking life time since the last time we kissed.

Jensens hands run down my front to the hem of my shirt. I raise my arms up and he slowly slides off. I do the same to him. I've seen him shirtless a few times on his show and internet pictures but seeing it all in real life, damn! I bite my lips and Jensen licks his lips. I slide off the motorcycle and shimmy out of my shorts and underwear. Jensen watches with lust in his eyes and does the same thing. Jensen grabs my hips and sits me back on the motorcycle as he kisses me deeply. The longer he isn't inside me, I more wet and tingly I become.

As if reading my mind, and without breaking his lips off mine, I feel Jensens fingers slide between my folds and begins to rub it before slipping  two fingers inside. I suck in a deep, sharp breath and let out a soft moan. He starts to pull in and out and twist his finger around softly but firmly. In seconds, I am starting to tighten up around his fingers when he pulls them out. I whimper at the lose of contact.

"Not yet," he says against my lips.

Jensen grabs my hips and picks me up. I wrap my legs around him as he slides himself onto the motorcycle. This is going to be interesting and fun. Jensen adjusts us so that we both were somewhat comfortable before lifting me up and positioning me just above his length. I place my hands on his shoulders as he lowers me on him. I close my eyes and drop my head. I hear a low groan come from him as he's fully inside of me. I look up and see him staring right at me.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he says and I smile. His hands grip tight on my hips. They will most likely leave a mark and I am fine with that. He lifts me up and slams me back down. A yelp escaping my mouth.

We repeat that for what I think is nearly a half hour. I am a whimpering mess and trying to hold back my louder moans. Jensen is grunting and the lifting up and down thing, well, thats starting to get irregular and sloppy. Our breathing is getting ragged and the the leather from the seat is start to rub on both our skins. One slam. Two slams. Three slams. I feel myself tighten harder around Jensen. My fingers dig into his shoulders, also going to leave marks. After one more slam into his lap, we both come undone. His arms wrap around me and I drag my nails down his back.

Once our orgasm fade away, I push back and look Jensen in the eyes. "That has got to be the best sex I have ever had," I plant a small and gentle kiss on his lips.

"Good," Jensen smirks. "I got some more ideas for the bedroom later." He must of seen the look on my face, because I am seriously intrigued now. "But first," He slides both of us off the motorcycle. "We should clean up. We have dinner with Jared and his wife."

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Two

A/N: okay, this is the chapter a majority of you have been praying for. Good luck.

Words: 5.2k

Warning(s): explicit language, violence, explicit sexual situations, drug abuse

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Nikki slams back yet another strawberry margarita as our food is set before us in the mexican restaurant, Doc, Fred, Rich, Ross, Donna, Emi, Tommy, Mick, Vince and Tansy all joining us at our celebratory dinner before Nikki and I are due to sneak away tomorrow morning for the next couple of days off to a location that has yet to be disclosed to me. 

Although I'll be surprised if we make it there and Nikki's still sober being that he's beginning to slur his words together. 

"Okay, hold up, picture." Ross states, grabbing his Polaroid and we all grown, wanting to eat our food. "Say, 'I'm so surprised these two are still married'." He jokes, and the second he snaps the shot of everyone of us smiling, Nikki's throwing chip crumbs on him, earning a blatant 'damn it!' that's got Nikki giggling like a little boy. 

"So, when does your flight leave?" Donna asks me and I raise my brows. 

"Flight?" 

"Yeah, for your little getaway." She explains as Nikki and Tommy start trying to out slur each other as they eat their food and talk. 

"It requires flying?" I ask her and her face suddenly pales before Emi is whispering in her ear, more than likely telling her I have no idea where we're going. 

"Oh…" Donna mumbles, giving me a small smile. "...Forget I asked." 

Before I can open my mouth to prod her about where exactly this location is, she's being swept back into her conversation with Emi and I'm furrowing my brows slightly, glancing at Nikki, who's already getting another freaking refill of his margarita. 

"Can we have some water, as well?" I ask the waiter, nodding toward Nikki and he looks from me, to Nikki, who's obviously not going to accept anything less than alcoholic. 

"I don't need it, man, just keep 'em coming." Nikki smirks to him and I shoot him a look. 

"He's drunk, he needs water, please." I void what Nikki just said and our waiter seals his lips together before going to the kitchen with Nikki shouting after him how he doesn't need water. 

I slip away to the bathroom to pee and touch up my makeup, returning just in time to hear a glass collide with the floor with the sound of iced water splashing, and Nikki shouting:

"I don't need any fucking water!" 

While Fred and Doc are shouting at him to calm down. 

I find our table in nearly a sprint in my heels, seeing a sloppy Nikki standing, nearly face-planting, about to get in the waiter's face. 

"Nikki!" I stop him, interjecting myself between him and the stranger, feeling absolutely horrible for how he's treating the man for just doing what I asked him to do. "Sir, I'm so sorry, we're about to leave if you could just--"

"--I'm not fucking going anywhere until this motherfucker apologizes to me!" Nikki demands, pointing over me to the waiter, everyone in the restaurant is now looking at us. 

"Nikki, shut up." Doc orders him as he and Fred glare at him. 

"Fuck you, Doc!" Nikki barks. 

"I'm so, so sorry." I apologize to the waiter as Doc and Nikki begin arguing, my hand slipping into my purse to grab a few stray bills Nikki gave me before we left home, handing $300.00 to the waiter for having to be screamed and pointed at so aggressively. "This is the tip, we'll pay the bill once he's out of here." I assure him and he looks at me, taking the cash, his eyes wide. 

"You can suck my fucking dick, Doc!" I hear Nikki outburst. "Just get on your fucking knees and start--" 

I'm grasping at the hand he's not pointing at Doc, tugging him to the door along with Fred's help and Doc stays behind to pay the bill. 

When we get in the parking lot, Fred's throwing Nikki to the ground.

"Stop it!" He screams down at my husband, the vein in his forehead sticking out. "You're being a fucking asshole, Sixx, just shut the fuck up and sober up!" 

Nikki's stumbling to get up, and when he does, he's punching at Fred.

"Nikki!" I scream angrily, stepping into range without realizing it just as Fred throws his punch, which accidentally hits me, knocking me to the ground. 

My cheek is throbbing, my lip busted open, and Nikki's hazel eyes widen before he's looking at Fred with merely empty irises, lunging at him. 

If Fred wouldn't have had a black belt, Nikki would have possibly killed him, but before he did too much damage, Doc was getting the two men separated while Emi, Donna and Tommy were helping me off the ground and making sure nothing in my face was busted up. 

I suffered a busted lip and a giant bruise on my face, which nearly got members of Guns N' Roses on a plane to kick Nikki's ass when I arrived home after the Vanity bullshit, before I explained to them that Fred had accidentally hit me.

"I'm fine." I assure Doc as he's making me hold ice to my lip as I sit on the bed back in my room, letting out a breath. 

"We don't need the press accusing anybody of being a wife beater, got it?" 

"Won't matter, whatever the hell we do wrong, it just makes people love us more." Vince mumbles and me, Tommy, and Mick, all look at him. "What? I'm not saying Nikki should start beating her, I'm just saying if this gets out to the press nobody will give a flying fuck that Nikki Sixx raised hell in a mexican restaurant. It'll just give us more publicity." Vince explains. 

"That doesn't mean it's okay, Vince." I argue and he rolls his jaw. 

The sound of the door unlocking has our attention and as Fred walks in, his face looks worried. 

"Nikki's passed out in my room." He explains. "Viv, I really am sorry, I didn--"

"--I know, Fred. It's okay." I assure him, wincing. 

"Nothing that can't be covered up with some makeup." Doc adds. 

It wasn't a big deal to me, honestly. I was use to covering up shitshows with makeup, fake smiles and laughter, and a lot of bullshitting.

I was a pro at the point, which would have to be severely executed in the following months.

Morning soon comes and although my face is kind of sore, the excitement I feel for my anniversary is nearly making me jump around on the bed I'm laying next to Nikki on. 

He's still knocked out in his margarita coma so I decide to get a shower and get my things together for our getaway. 

By the time I'm out, he's pulling himself back to life, sitting up in our bed while I step in wearing nothing but my towel, running a brush through my wet hair. 

"Good morning." I grin at him. 

"What time is it?" He asks.

"Almost 10:00." I reply and he nods. 

"Our plane leaves at 3:30." He tells me, getting out of bed, stumbling to the bathroom to throw up into the toilet. 

I wrinkle my nose at the sound, crossing my fingers that he gets a shower because he smells horrible. 

My wish comes true when I hear the shower start and I change into a tshirt and jean shorts before going over to our room to pack my things and Nikki's. 

When I get back, he's out of the shower, brushing his teeth, and when he's done is popping as many over the counter pain meds that I'll allow for his hangover. 

"So, where we going?" I ask him once he's at the foot of the bed, digging in his suitcase for clothes, his towel hanging on his hips. 

"I'm not telling you." He smiles, grabbing jeans and a RATT shirt, causing me to raise a brow. 

"It requires a plane." I explain and his smile grows. 

"I'm not telling you." He repeats, not giving me a second glance before he's about to go get dressed.

I catch his hand to keep him from walking away, my bottom lip being pulled at by my teeth as I tug him back to me and he gives me a crooked smirk when I grab the clothes from his hand and toss them aside, running my hands down his sides, kissing at his chest, down his abdomen, my hands discarding his towel. 

"Viv." He sighs out when I wrap my hand around his prick. "We don't have time for this." He tells me with a glint in his eyes and I start taking my clothes off until theres not a thing on me except for my crucifix and he lets out a sharp breath.

"Then tell me to stop." I whisper hotly, my lips brushing against his as I run my thumb over the slit in his cock.

He's suddenly grabbing at my hair, not enough to hurt me, before tugging me into the floor so I'm on my knees at his feet.

My mouth waters as he slides his hand up and down his shaft, liquid beading out of him, causing my tongue lick it up. 

"Fuck." He lets out with a satisfied grin, and I wrap my lips around him. 

"Sixx!" Fred's voice and a knock comes from the other side of the door and Nikki rolls his eyes. 

"What, man?!" Nikki says back, and I sit back on my knees, waiting for Fred to leave before I continue. 

"Open the door!"

"I'm a little busy right now!"

"Nikki, it's important! Open the damn door!" 

"Damnit, Fred!" He complains, going to the door, snatching it open. "What, fucker?" 

Fred says something to him.

"What?" He lowers his voice, confusion in his tone and Fred continues to speak as I give up and pull my clothes back on. "Are you fucking me right now?"

"No." I hear Fred reply clearly and I slowly make my way to them.

"What is it?" I ask and Fred glances at me as Nikki looks down at me. 

"Nothing." Nikki shakes his head and Fred raises his brows at him. 

"Dude, what the fuck is Vanity doing  in the fucking lobby?" Vince grumbles, only seeing Fred and Nikki, and when he sees me, his face falls. 

"Vanity's here?" I ask and Nikki and Fred shoot daggers Vince's way. 

"She wants to surprise you guys." Fred explains to me and I raise my brows. 

"For what?" 

"Our anniversary." Nikki spitefully hisses. 

"Ohhh." I say, thinking a moment. "Well, that's sweet."

"No, it's not. It really fucking isn't." Nikki states with a scoff, leaving my side to go get dressed. 

"I was thinking since she unexpectedly came to surprise the both of you, it might be a little rude to just up and leave her here. If you know what I mean." Fred explains, looking at Nikki and Nikki pulls his pants on and sighs. 

"Trust me I am one fucking step ahead of you." He assures him and I furrow my brows. 

"What? No. She didn't tell us she was coming. She can't be upset we had plans. It's not rude if we go do what we planned, and besides she'll be here for a while and we'll only be gone a couple days." 

"Vivian, you don't know anger until you've got a pissed off, coked out, irrational Vanity screaming at you with her finger in your face, telling you to hit her and knowing you can't because you're a man and it's not right to just punch the ever loving fuck out of women even if you really, really want to. Except you don't have a dick and hitting her would be socially acceptable, so you'd get into a fight with her and that's not good." Nikki warns me. "We'll just take a rain check on the trip. I don't feel like hearing her bitching." 

"Nikki--" 

"He's right, Viv." Fred takes up for him. "If you go down there and tell her she came for nothing, she's gonna flip shit and no offense, but you don't have a stable temper as of lately."

"Stable temper? Excuse me?" I hiss. 

"As of lately? That's it? Are you kidding?" Vince states and I glare at him. 

"Really, Vivian. Raincheck." Fred repeats to make his point and I feel my face fall in disappointment. 

"Hey, I'll make it up to you, alright?" Nikki kisses my cheek and I sigh out before nodding. 

"I'm gonna go back to sleep." I tell them, and Nikki steps out of the door. 

"We're gonna go meet Vanity and get her a room paid for." Fred explains and I nod. 

Vanity didn't come to surprise us for our anniversary. Her and Nikki had gotten into an argument and she strategically dropped by just to make him sweat over whether or not she'd really be cruel enough to confess to his wife what had been happening for over a year between them, on the day of his four year anniversary.

Everyone was losing their shit on the inside, even Doc, because they decided Vanity was officially a loose cannon (and threat) when she showed up that day to continue to tour with them for X amount of time. 

It wasn't a matter of "if" she had an artilary and was going to eventually use to blow every fucking thing to hell, it was a matter of "when" she was going to get an itch to pull the trigger over something minor Nikki pissed her off about, and open fire. 

The irony in it all is that she didn't let it out because she was angry at Nikki, but because she was so high on coke she actually forgot altogether he was still with me because she had heard him constantly repeat how he was going to leave me and marry her when the "Girls" tour wrapped up in the US, before he got sober from junk.

I'm waking up to the feeling of Nikki peppering my face in kisses, causing me to giggle, my lips pressing to his, causing me to hum. 

"Hi." I smile at him.

"Hi." He replies, laying next to me with a smirk. "So, I was thinking since we can't have our Mexico trip--"

"--We were gonna go to Mexico?" I ask, even more disappointed.

"It's only put off for a little bit, Viv." He chuckles. "But how about we spend the rest of the day together, and I'll take you out to dinner tonight--minimal alcohol so I won't be an asshole--and then we can come back, go swimming and then spend the rest of the night screwing the ever loving fuck out of each other." He proposes and I laugh at his enthusiasm saying the last activity. 

"Deal." I agree, kissing him again.

What actually ended up happening.

"Have you seen Nikki?" I ask Doc. 

"He just left with the guys, Tansy and Vanity." He replies. 

"What? To go where?" 

"Didn't say." He shrugs. "Hey, you look nice, where you going?" 

"Nowhere, apparently." I mumble, glancing down at my red dress. 

I go back to our room, glancing at the clock.

8:00pm. 

Nikki slept through the afternoon and then woke up, making me think he was going to get ready to take me out. 

But by the time I got ready, I realized he wasn't anywhere around.

I kick my heels off and shut the hotel room door behind me, going to scrub off the fresh face of makeup I just put on, and change into my swimsuit, hoping he'll be back before the pool closes at midnight.

Once 11:50pm rolls around, I'm giving up and changing into my pajamas. 

I wake up to the sound of the door swinging open, heavy steps thumping in to the bathroom before shutting the door. 

After a few minutes in the bathroom, Nikki's silhouette is making its way to the bed and I feel his hand reach out and run over the curve of my hip.

"I'm a fucking asshole." He slurs slightly, and I bite my tongue to hold back from crying. 

"It's fine, Nikki." I say, not having the energy to argue with him. 

He's quiet because he knows it isn't okay. 

I feel his lips press to my shoulder and I close my eyes, trying not to be upset with him, although I have a good reason to be. 

His lips trail up my neck to my lips, our tongues intertwining.

His mouth tastes like a straight shot of wine and whiskey, and I'm intoxicated by him in merely seconds, pulling him closer to me, pushing his jacket off of his shoulders. 

By the time his shirt is off next, he's pulling me onto him, my tshirt being thrown into the corner of the room, his lips immediately sweeping down my neck to my chest as my fingers thread through his thick hair, my head tilting back as satisfied sighs push themselves past my lips when he sucks my nipple into his mouth. 

I let out a gasp, my mouth pulling into a smile, the junction of my thighs grinding into him, causing him to let out a groan. 

My hands fumble to get his pants off and he takes his attention away from me to help me, tossing the jeans to the foot of the bed, his arms pulling my bare chest against his, his lips catching mine before he's pinning me under him, his devious eyes looking into mine as he presses a line of tongue filled kisses down my chest, his teeth grazing against my skin, his hands holding mine at my sides against the mattress and I arch my back when his tongue starts lapping at my clit. 

When he's satisfied with his work of bringing me to the edge of orgasm after orgasm, only to stop before I can finish, and leaving me a pleading mess that's desperate to get off, he's grasping at his cock and teasingly running it against my pussy before pushing into me, causing me to cry out in ecstasy as his face buries in my neck. 

Within less than a minute, Nikki's sweating profusely, his body purging liquor from his system, and I furrow my brows when he starts breathing abnormally, more like panting, and stops moving. 

"Nikki?" I question, the weight of his body that he was just holding in his arms while he lingered above me, is now crushing down onto me. 

His face is in my neck and his breathing is heavy, like he's asleep. 

"N-Nikki." I gently try to wake him up, to no avail, before I'm trying to get out from underneath him,which I have the same luck doing as trying to wake him up. 

Frustration and disappointment is fuming out of me, as bratty as it is. 

It's our anniversary and he fell asleep inside of me in the middle of sex. 

Tears gather in my eyes and I make one last effort to get him off of me, finally succeeding. 

I wince at the feeling of him sliding out of me before I sit up in the hotel room's bed, covering my naked chest, trying to figure out where in the hell to go from here. 

Deciding to just shower and pretend like this never happened is what I opt for before heading to the bathroom. 

The second I open the door, I'm hit in the face with that familiar, bitter scent. 

I immediately start rummaging for needles and sure enough, I find clean needles in his boot at the foot of the bed, and the bottle cap he used to heat the smack up in the garbage can by the toilet.

"No, no, no this is not how this is supposed to go." I cry out to myself, my tears finally breaking over my lashline as I sit on the floor in front of the bathroom door.

Nikki was sober from heroin, but decided to have a shot of it in celebration of his sobriety. 

As you can imagine, he never got back on the wagon for the rest of that tour, but he had lied to himself and convinced himself he surely would.

"It's okay." I lie to myself in the mirror, forcing my tears away with my fingers, taking deep breaths. "It is okay. Everything is okay. Don't be like this." I order to the tired girl in front of me, who's green eyes are beginning to lose their hopeful light now that their owner's husband is up to no good once again. "It was one time. He shot up one time. It's normal for addicts to fall off the wagon every once and a while. This doesn't mean anything. It is okay. It will be okay. He'll be okay and you'll be okay so stop…" my voice cracks, and I can't bring myself to continue to fucking lie, so I don't. 

I simply finish, saying:

"Stop, Vivian. This is not what we do." 

The training my brain's gotten over the years automatically responds to my words, my tears being forced back as I whipe the last of them away, letting out a deep breath, before getting into the shower. 

Once I'm clean, I check Nikki's pulse to make sure he's still breathing, he is, and I put pajamas on and decide to hangout with Fred.

When his door swings open and I see a brunette slip into the bathroom, I raise my brows at him. 

"I can come back if I need to." I tell him and he shakes his head, his hair and body wet from showering. 

"No, it's fine, c'mon." He steps aside and I avert my gaze as he pulls underwear on and slips back into bed. 

"What's up? I thought you'd be with Nikki for your four years together." He nudges at me and I let out a breath. "Hey, look, I know it sucks you two didn't get to go on your little two day vacation but it's not the end of the world."

"We were suppose to eat dinner together, he bailed. We were suppose to go swimming, he bailed. He finally got in from spending a majority of our anniversary with Vince and Tommy and Tansy and Vanity, and then proceeded to pass out inside of me while we were screwing around. I'm not just aggravated over not getting to go to a stupid beach for my anniversary. I'm frustrated because coked out Vanity came to town unannounced and we don't know when she's coming home, and now Nikki's unconscious and Tansy's probably in the same position, too, which I'm afraid is gonna get worse because Vanity isn't a good influence, and Nikki chose partying over spending our day with his wife." 

He looks at me, his expression solemn, before he reaches out and grabs at my hand, holding it tightly. 

"I'll kick his ass in the morning." He assures me and I smile a little. "Ya want me to go get some clothes on and we can go find some food?" 

"Yes." I reply. 

"Okay, Kid, I'm on it." He says with a chuckle, getting out of bed to pull clothes on. 

We end up grabbing greasy drive-thru, and in the midst of getting the food back up to the room, we run into Tommy, Tansy, Vanity, Vince and a couple groupies when we get to the elevator. 

"Where did Sixx go, Viv?" Tommy sloppily lets out as a blonde holds at his fluffy hair and kisses up and down his neck and I feel sick to my stomach. 

"He's married." I say as I tap the girl on the shoulder and she sneers at the fact she was interrupted. 

"Viv." Tommy complains and I raise my brows.

"You're wearing your wedding ring." I state. 

"I don't mind." The girl hisses at me. 

"No, but his wife sure will." I argue. 

His eyes cut suddenly, his alcohol laced breath hitting me in the face when he scoffs out, "fucking ironic coming from you."

Fred clears his throat loudly before Tommy can continue on, and Tommy shuts up as Vince gives him a death glare while Tansy keeps her eyes on the floor, and Vanity has the smallest little smile on her lips. 

Before I can ask what the hell he means, the elevator opens and Fred is pulling me in the direction of his room. 

"Don't fucking start shit with them when they're fucked up, Viv, you know that." Doc scolds me when we get in the room and I roll my eyes. 

"It just pisses me off. Vince is married. Tommy is married. They have wives." I tell him and he sighs. 

"I understand, but still. Don't be stupid. You can't pay them any attention when they're like that. They're completely different people than when they're sober." 

"Except Vince." I mumble and he let's out a breath. 

"Why don't you just tell Sharise and Heather, then?" 

"Because they've been my friends since grade school, alright? I love Sharise and Heather but I've known Tommy and Vince longer." I explain. 

"So, like, I've known Sixx longer than you so if he was screwing around on you, it wouldn't be right for me to tell you since I've been friends with him longer?" 

"Well...that's not even possible because Nikki won't do that." I brush it off, eating a fry. 

He takes a sip of his drink, not replying and I raise my brows. 

"Nikki hasn't done that, right?" I ask him.

"Would it surprise you?"

My heart clenches. 

"Fred, has Nikki cheated on me?" 

"No, Viv. He hasn't, alright? I was just asking that to put into perspective how fucked it is, is all." He explains. 

"Oh. Okay." 

I think if Fred knew what would happen three short weeks later, he would've gone ahead and told me the truth.

"Viv, it was one time, it was three weeks ago, I'm not on smack again, alright? It was a celebratory shot and that was all it was." Nikki groans, pulling his boots on. 

I hug the covers to my exposed chest as I sit up and he glances over his shoulder to look at me. 

"How the fuck are you so perfect?" He randomly says, smirking at me before grabbing my ankle and tugging me to the foot of the bed before he stands over me, his hand running through my disheveled hair and I try not to smile. 

"Mmhmm." I sarcastically let out in response to his statement and he snickers, kissing me, his thumb running over my bottom lip. 

"At least Vanity's gone." He adds. 

"Be nice." I scold him, again, trying not to laugh. 

"Two whole weeks of Vanity, Viv. We survived two whole weeks of Vanity." He proudly declares. 

Those two weeks were a nightmare. Vanity was excellent at not competing with the women in her industry, always praising them when an interviewer would try to make her say something against another woman in her business, but for someone who typically competed with herself in terms of success and stardom, she and Nikki were like two giant male lions trying to fight for the lead. 

She would get viciously jealous if he was getting more attention. 

She'd dance up on the speakers like a stripper at their rehearsal, and dance the same way in the photo pit at their shows. 

Everyone would be quietly telling Nikki "get your bitch's shit together for her, before I do" while I was oblivious.

Vanity went home a week before the show in Texas. 

Nobody knew that would be the last time we saw her before she completely damned everything.

"Yeah, we survived." I reply, smiling softly at him as he kisses my hand. 

"You wanna come out with me and Tommy tonight?" 

"No, me and Tansy were gonna watch Vanity's interview with Arsenio tonight." I explain and he wrinkles his nose. "Quit it." I lightly hit at his stomach. 

"What, the two weeks with her weren't enough?" 

"It's called being supportive, Nikki."

"Yeah, have fun with that." He kisses me one last time before heading to the door. "Goodnight, baby." 

"Goodnight, Nikki." I say as the door shuts behind him and I smile to myself. "Be careful. I love you." I whisper to myself, letting out a sigh before going to wash off. 

Tansy's soon knocking on the door and I get my PJs on and let her in before switching on the TV to tune into Vanity's interview. 

"Aww, she looks pretty." Tansy comments, seeing her beaming smile as she grasps her sister's hand as her sister is sitting next to her while she explains her dress. 

"Ya know, I bought this in an antique store in Newyork about five years ago. And it was just a block, like, it looked like 'grandma's' dress, really. And, um, I said, 'I think I can something with that' I mean it was only fifty dollars and I had it taken in." She explains, and I take notice that her sister is grasping one of her hands while Arsenio is grasping the other, and I realize what appears as her being hyper and excited, is really her being coked out, and they're holding her hands to try to keep her grounded.

"By a Japanese girl, she took it in." She says next.

"Well she did a very good job at taking it in." Arsenio assures her and she and the crowd chuckles. "Get the Japanese girl on the phone. I wanna talk to her 'cause she did a very, very good job. It's a beautiful outfit." He adds. "And it's good to have you here." He starts next. 

"Oh, thank you." She softly replies. 

"And it's good to have your sister here sh--"

"I'm getting married, look." Vanity states, taking her left hand out of Arsenio's hold and flashes a shining ring on her ring finger and my ears perk up, apparently Tansy's pulled from her drugged stupor, because her heavy eye lids pop open and her face pales when I look at her as I hear Arsenio comment, "okay, um, here's something for Jett magazine," going with the sudden turn of events presented by the starlet. 

"Did you know she was engaged?" I ask Tansy and she's at a loss of words. "I didn't even know she was dating anybody." 

"Vivian." Tansy's tone is dreadful and I wait for her to tell me about it, Arsenio cracking jokes in the background, causing Vanity's enthusiastic laughter to infiltrate the room. 

"This is a beautiful ring." He states, grabbing my attention once more. 

"Isn't it pretty?" Vanity agrees as he examines the rock on her finger. 

"You, didn't you--"

"--Nikki Sixx." She interrupts him, and my brows furrow even more, confusion taking over me. 

"Nikki." Arsenio hesitantly replies, and I think I completely missed the part about who she was engaged to and they somehow got on the topic of her friendship to Nikki, until…

"Yeah, I'll be Vanity 6 once again. Isn't that nice?" 

Arsenio is obviously just as confused as me, I hear some mumbles in the audience of people probably also confused.

It just takes one look at Tansy to know what the hell is happening. She's already got tears streaming down her face. 

My heart fucking stops, and my breath is shoved out of my lungs as if one of Nikki's demons has finally succeeded in getting me out of the way, his talons puncturing at my chest, leaving me clawing at my throat for air as my whole world shatters. 

[theannaredfield]

Resident Evil 8 Overview/Review

Ah yes. The moment everyone has been waiting for. I’ve completed the game and now it’s time to hear my final thoughts. Spoilers under the cut.

To start out with, the opening cinematic was amazing, beautifully animated

I do have some big issues with Mia here, as she does seem to just brush off Ethan’s concerns, and even seemingly gaslight him at times. There’s a lack of communication, and it’s causing them issues. Mia wants to just forget and pretend it didn’t happen, annoyed that Ethan keeps being up the events of 7, while Ethan is scared, worried something might happen again and feel like he can’t just let it go (it’s very likely that both of them have trauma, and the fact that Mia refuses to have them work through it is unhealthy). Plus Ethan makes comments about Mia being scary when she’s angry... it just seems like she might be abusing him, mostly just mentally. Downplaying his concerns and what not.

Aside from that I LOVE Ethan’s character development in this game! He’s so much more alive and seemingly present, I love his comments and stuff, and just not having him be a hallow husk this time!

Some of the cutscenes happened way earlier than I expected them to, and played out differently too. Subverting expectations, good.

There are absolutely 100% multiple assets in the entire game that can and most likely will be reused for RE4 Remake.

This game may not have a bondage kink, but it definitely has a hand torture kink. (Seriously what the fuck. Let Ethan have his hands.)

I really enjoyed fighting the daughters. I thought it was cool and unique (also it was fun to go around and shatter all the windows). I also went to the trouble of knife fighting them for the full experience

Also I can’t believe the daughters are BUG PEOPLE! Oh my god I didn’t expect that, and it just surprises me and like, I’m so happy. They did it. They made the vampires scientific. I’m proud of them.

I’m sorry simps, but Lady Dimitrescu was nothing more than the introductory boss, which is probably why they pushed her so much. After killing her, then you find out the full... situation I guess you could call it.

THEY CRYSTALLIZED MY BABY

I thought house Beneviento was really interesting, however it felt like it was out of some horror game other than resident evil. Like I expected to get attacked by dolls, which was very stressful when it finally did happen, but.... the fetus was... unexpected and disgusting. I mean good, I didn’t see that coming at all but JESUS CHRIST

Speaking of things I didn’t expect in a Resident Evil game, THEY DISMEMBERED AND CRYSTALLIZED MY FUCKING BABY. Like damn I never expected us to go this dark.

I feel like house Beneviento could’ve had a lot more doll action, considering she was the doll maker, but I guess what we got was okay.

It kinda sucks that the Beneviento treasure gets locked off if you don’t go to the tomb right after the boss fight. Like, I don’t think it should’ve locked itself again, especially because not everyone might’ve figured it out. Me and my uncle personally thought we had to go find yellow flowers to put on the grave, we weren’t even thinking about the tombstone. It was basically the only treasure we didn’t get because I didn’t think to look there, nor did I know I was suppose to.

Moreau was just... kinda sad. I felt bad for the dude. He was just trying to do his best and be as good as his other siblings, but he just.. wasn’t. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I felt bad for Lady D and her children too, but Moreau was just a dude trying his best to impress his “mother”

Once again, they subverted my expectations, because Moreau was not a rehash of the RE4 Del Lago fight, very different actually! I’m happy about that.

PS, we see Chris again around here, once again surprising me, but it kinda gives you a “did Chris just... die?” Moment.

I can see why Heisenberg was the second most advertised Lord, because he has the next biggest section, but he’s also the last sibling. He’s also split into 2 parts, the factory and the stronghold. (Kinda sucks because it shows Moreau and Donna got the short end of the stick.)

The stronghold wasn’t that bad, though me and my uncle do wonder if we learned more about the 4 founders and just forgot or what. Like we got the cup from Luiza and that plate, was there more? Maybe.

The factory... Jesus Christ, if the fetus didn’t give me anxiety, this place sure as hell does. Between the fucking FAN MAN and The drill dudes.. Jesus Christ.

Also I can’t stop thinking of Elijah Kamski when dealing with Heisenberg because they have the same voice actor and would probably get along.

This area is... long. Like hella long. (Talking about the factory)

The Heisenberg fight was cool, I loved Ethan just taking hold of whatever that creation was and going ham.

Chris’s part was pretty short, however I feel it was nice, could’ve been longer.

So Miranda and Spencer were a thing and she inspired him and he stole the cave design from the walls..? Weird but okay, I guess I’ll accept it (kinda undermines their genius though.)

So I was right, Moreau and Donna were cognitively delayed, as expected.

Mia is alive, nice to know but

What in the silent hill “you’ve been dead all along” bullshit is this. I’m gonna need to know exactly when Miranda replaced Mia and exactly when Ethan died.

I need a fix it fic to fix the sadness I feel about Ethan dying. He saved his daughter but he doesn’t even get to watch her grow up?! Fuck! My family issues can’t handle this shit. I want Ethan to get to escape with his daughter and watch her grow up.

Fuck this, they didn’t have to kill Ethan. How could they. God damn it (I know he probably would’ve died anyway cause of the mold but FUCK!

LET US SEE HIS FACE, HE’S DEAD NOW YOU ASSHOLES.

Rose is pretty and id love to see her again. But does she age fast because of mold powers

Just... fuck man. I liked the game, I really did but the ending hurt my fucking soul.

Also, so the BSAA are bad guys now? Shit, I sure hope Jill’s okay.

I can’t believe they killed Ethan, he was the only protagonist they had the BALLS to kill. They could’ve just let the dad go home with his baby. Fuck you guys. Fuck you.

[supernaturaltfwmeme]

Between the lines. Part 4

Summary:The reader is at Stanford with Sam and a few other familiar faces. She gets introduced to Dean, an FBI agent for help with a paper. The two grow even closer when Dean learns about her daughter and her troublesome situation. Check out the other parts here.

Pairing: Dean x reader.

Warnings: Language, Domestic abuse.

Something about this whole thing didn’t sit right with Dean and he wasn’t going anywhere until he knew you were ok. He knocked on the door again louder this time.

Inside Daniel Grabbed you and shoved you towards the door.

“Get rid of him.” He spat. You didn’t want to know what would happen if you went against him so you carefully opened the door. You came face to face with a worried dean.

“Y/n/n, what the hell happened to you? Are you ok?” Dean asked trying to look around you.

“I’m fine de. I just fell.” You lied.

“If you ‘just fell’ why did you tell Charlie you got into a fight at the bar.” Shit of course Charlie would talk to Dean about it, she’s known the Winchesters her whole life.  

“I knew Charlie wouldn’t believe that I fell.” You say. Technically that wasn’t a lie.

“Neither do I y/n/n.” You step outside closing the door behind you.

“Dean you have to go.”

“I’m not leaving until I know you’re ok sweetheart.”  

“Dean I'm fine really but I need you to leave please.” you try and push him back towards his car. You were getting desperate. You knew if Dean stayed any longer Daniel would hurt him too.

“Y/n what the hell is goin’ on?”

“Look I can’t talk right now ok just please leave ok, I promise I'm fine just go before..”

“Before what?”

“Before it gets worse.”

“Y/n..”

“Dean just go home.” You snapped. But it did the trick Dean just sighed defeatedly before heading back over to his car. You watched him pull off and leave before heading back inside. The second you got inside Daniel was screaming again. You knew what was coming.

A few days had gone by since you Dean had shown up on your doorstep, he’d been none stop calling and texting you to make sure you we’re alright. Every time he did, Daniel got more and more angry at you. He was convinced you had cheated on him that night, apart from to go to classes, work and pick Amelia up, he hadn’t let you out of his sight. You’d been avoiding all of your friends; you knew that they had an idea of what was happening but they didn’t understand nobody would understand. And that’s why you couldn’t tell them.  

You were just leaving the library when you felt someone grab your wrist and pull you down the side of the building out of sight, you winced at the contact. They had barely even touched you but you already had a particularly nasty bruise there. And just about everywhere else that your clothes would cover. You looked up at the person whose hand was attached to your arm. It was Sam. And Charlie was standing just behind him. Sam noticed you wince at the contact and gently pulled your sleeve up seeing the purple skin before sharing a look with Charlie. You didn’t dare look at them.

“Y/n/n I know you probably don’t want to but please tell us what happened. We're your friends we can help.” Sam said sympathetically. You shook your head.

“You can’t help no one can.”

“Y/n we already know what happening, but you need to talk to us. It might make you feel a little better just to talk about it.” Charlie added.

“You won’t understand.” You said furiously wiping at the tear that had made its way down your face.

“Try us.” Sam said, giving you a reassuring smile. You took a shaky breath and finally made eye contact with your friends.

“Daniel he- uh- he likes to drink and when w-when he gets drunk he gets so mad and and..” You couldn’t finish the sentence. Tears now flowing freely down your face. Charlie pulled you into a tight hug for a minute until you had calmed down before letting go.

“y/n/n, why don’t you just leave him?” Sam asked.

“I can’t it’s not that simple.” you admitted.

“Why not?”

“Because he has us trapped there, he pays all the bills my job just covers the stuff I need for school and my car, he pays for everything else. And nobody is going to take us in. I don’t have any family to turn to. But he only hits me and I can deal with it.” You rambled without thinking.

“Us?” Sam asked confused. Your eyed went wide and you started to panic again. That is until you felt Charlie lightly squeeze your upper arm.

“Y/n, just tell him. It’s Sam he’s not going to judge you.” You nodded your head taking another shaky breath. Charlie was right.

“I have a daughter.”

“You woah that’s, wait she’s not Daniel’s, is she?”

“No.”

“Thank god. What’s her name? How old is she?” Sam asked a little excited.

“Amelia and she’s 4.”

“Wow. Can I meet her?” Sam sounded almost nervous. That made you smile. You were seriously beginning to question why you ever hid her from your friends.

“Of course you can, I'm sure she’d love to meet her uncle Sammy.”

“Oh my god I'm an uncle, this is oh my god I need to sit down.”  You couldn’t help but laugh at Sam as he sat down on the nearby wall.  

“Y/n, you really need to both get out of that house or get Daniel out, if not for you then for that little girl.” Charlie said

“I can’t.”

“Maybe you should talk to Dean, he can help. Hell it’s literally his job.” Sam added.

“Sam I c..”

“Can’t I know, but can you at least think about it.”

“Ok I'll think about it.” You promised.  

“Sam one more thing.” Sam looked in your direction.

“You can’t tell anyone about Amelia ok?”

“I wont y/n/n. Promise.”

Later that night you were at home getting ready for work, you were trying to find an outfit that would cover your bruises, without making you to hot. You settled on a pair of blue skinny jeans with rips at the knees, a white top with long black sleeves and an ACDC logo on it and your black high-top converse. Not too long after you were pulling into the parking lot of a local bar, known as Harvelle’s roadhouse. It was the cops local watering hole of choice and also happened to be where you worked.

“Hey there Cinderella.” You couldn’t help but laugh at Ash’s nickname for you.  

“Really ash, you’re never gonna let that one go, are you?” You said as you walked behind the bar, tying an apron around your waist.  

“Never.” Ash turned to face you.

“Jesus Cinders, those bruises still there? How hard did this girl hit you?” Ash asked referring to the lie you had told him about the fight you’d had with a girl when you went out the other night.

“Eh don’t worry about it Ash, I've had worse.” It was sad but true. You slid Ash a PBR.

“Where’s Jo? I thought she was working tonight?” Ash didn’t say anything just nodded his head to the pool table at the other end of the room where Jo was laughing at something a guy was saying and twirling her hair.  After a few minutes of Jo not getting the reaction she wanted she walked back over to the bar.

“Struck out Jo?” you teased.

“I’m not sure, maybe he’s playing hard to get.” She sulked leaning against the bar. The man Jo was talking to was playing pool with two other men and two women. The guy and one of his friends had their backs to you, but you could see the other man and the two women. The other guy looked older maybe mid 50’s and was wearing a suit. The woman with the short dark hair was wearing some sort of police uniform and looked around mid 40’s and the slightly short woman had long blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail and was also wearing a police uniform looked to be in her early 30’s.  

You turned your attention to a random customer waiting at the bar, not noticing the group approach the other end of the bar where Jo was to take a seat after having finished their game. You turned around to talk to Jo and noticed a familiar face.

“Cas?” You walked over to the four people sitting there, the man Jo had been flirting with was nowhere to be seen.

“y/n is that you?” you smiled at the slightly older man.

“It’s good to see you again.”  

“You too Cassy.” Cas pulled his face at the nickname.

“Well would you look what the cat dragged in.” You heard a familiar voice say from behind Cas. The man Jo had been flirting with.

“Dean.” You smiled. “What are you doing here?”  

“It’s a bar sweetheart.” You laughed at that.

“Wait you two know each other?” Jo asked.

“Yeah this is Sam’s big brother.”

“Oh so this is the guy you were out with when you were ignoring my texts.” Jo teased making you blush.

“Ooo had cinders got a crush.” Ash joined in.

“Oh shut it ‘Dr badass’. “

“Cinders ay?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“As in Cinderella.” You explained.

“Why does he call you Cinderella?”  

“Because it doesn’t matter if she’s at work or you’ve convinced her to come out, she always disappears before midnight.” Jo explained laughing. Making you roll your eyes.

“That’s funny I couldn’t get rid of you until midday.” Dean added taking a swig of his beer.  

“Oh you had to make that sound so much worse than it was didn’t you.” You laughed. Jo, Cas and Ash looking between you both and the obvious flirting going on.

“Are you not gonna introduce us ya idgit.” The older man Said to Dean.

“Sorry, y/n/n this is bobby, my boss. And this is Jody and Donna, they both work at the station where my mom does, and Jody is and old friend of Bobby’s too. Guys this is Y/n y/l/n. She goes to school with Sammy.” Dean explained. You all greeted each other and carried on the conversation. You and Dean flirted back and forth for the rest of your shift.  

Over the next couple of weeks you and Dean texted back and forth getting closer every day. You hid it front Daniel as best as you could, deleting messages and stuff. He didn’t like you being friends with Charlie, never mind Sam and now Dean. Today was no different, Dean had just finished his morning shift, and you were stuck at school.

I’ve got to go to my stupid creative writing class and it sucks it’s so boring. You texted Dean.

Oh come on, it can’t be that bad. Dean texted back

I mean Sam, Charlie and Jess are in the class with me, but it still sucks.

If only you had someone to save you from it.  

Yeah if only. You replied but Dean never texted you back.  

After about 20 minutes of class someone knocked on the door.

“Come in.” your teacher, Professor Crowley, said. In walked Dean in his suit and flashed his badge.  

“Mr Crowley is it? I’m Agent Winchester i need a word with one of your students and I wouldn’t expect her back a er.” Dean make a dramatic show of flipping through a notebook and stopping on a page before continuing.  

“Miss y/n y/l/n?”

“Yes of course, you heard the agent y/n.” Crowley ushered you out. Sam, Jess and Charlie could barely hold back their laughter.

When you got outside the class room you turned to Dean.

“De what the hell is going on?”

“I’m saving you from the boring class sweetheart, now let’s go before Sammy, Charlie and Jess blow my cover.” Dean grabs your hand and starts dragging you down the hallway. You felt a jolt of electricity run through you at the contact but didn’t let go.  Dean didn’t drop you hand until you made it to the impala and both climbed inside.

Before Dean could even start the car his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a text from Sam.

Could of got us all out of here De.

When you look like her Sammy maybe I will

Bitch

Jerk. Dean Laughed putting his phone down and starting the car

“Where are we going?” You asked.

“You’ll just have to wait and see sweetheart.” Dean laughed.

“Really De, you kidnap me from class and can’t even tell me where your taking me.”

“Pretty much.”

“Fine.” You pouted, “but I have to be back here for 3.” you told him.

“Why’s that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know Winchester.” Dean drove for a little while, drumming on the steering wheel and dancing in his seat making you laugh, before pulling up to an empty field on the edge of town turning his music up and climbing out of the car leaving his door open and instructing you to do the same. He went to his trunk and pulled out his blanket and a couple of beers. He put down the blanket laying down of top of it and patting the space next to him. He passed you a beet and just stared up at the sky.  

“Dean what are we doing?”

“Cloud gazing.” He said as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Why?”  

“Because you won’t let me take you out late enough to stargaze.” He shrugged. You spent the next few hours pointing out random clouds and coming up with ridiculous things they were and just talking it was nice.

You and Dean had been getting along so well recently, you really felt like there could be something there. Maybe someone would actually want you and could help you get away from Daniel. The only problem was he didn’t know about Amelia yet. But you were going to change that. You were going to tell him. Today

On the drive back to Stanford, you turned to Dean.

“Hey de.”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“I have something to...” You were interrupted by the sound of Deans phone ringing. He gave you an apologetic smile.

“Sorry do you mind if I?”

“No go ahead.”

“Winchester.” Dean said answering the phone, his face immediately dropped. You could only hear Deans side of the conversation.

“Lisa I don’t know how many times I have to tell you we’re not getting back together. Ever.” Dean paused for a minute letting the person on the other end, Lisa, talk.

“You know why.” He paused again.

“Because I refuse to raise a child that’s not mine.”  

Tags: @waywardaardvark79 @vicmc624 @frackinawesomeninja @carryon-doctor-lock @supernatural508​

[were-all-idjits-here]

The Family You Have Here

Pairing: Dean x Reader (non-descript)

Warnings: mentions of abusive family, mentions of abusive comments, self deprecating thoughts, crying.

A/N: Although I hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday season, I know the holidays can be hard for people who don't get along with their families (me included). I thought we all could use some comfort from Dean Winchester to feel better. Thanks for the read! Comments/likes/shares are greatly appreciated.

Read here on AO3

~~~

You sighed and slid to the floor as your door clicked shut behind you. Biting your lip, you let your head fall back against the hard wood with a dull thud. Although most people loved the holidays, you hated them for a very specific reason: your family. Not the one you’d created with the Winchesters and their friends; the one that was biologically related to you. Growing up in Sioux Falls, you’d always had Bobby’s place to run to when things got rough. He’d been a friend of your uncle’s, who was estranged from the family. Once you’d connected with him, you’d realized the only reason he was estranged in the first place was because he was much saner than the rest of your family. It was a shame a ghoul had done him in years ago. You just hoped both he and Bobby were in a better place now.

Your phone vibrated next to you, making a rattling sound on the wood of your bedroom floor in the bunker. You jumped at the noise and looked to see a new message from Sam: Still hunting?

No, you typed. Just got back. Heading to bed now.

At 7pm? Sam asked. You ignored it. You hadn’t actually been hunting, you’d been with your family for Thanksgiving dinner. The reason you didn’t tell the brothers was because you knew they would’ve given you a lecture about it. Neither of them liked your family and had even gone so far as to call them abusive. Sam had mentioned narcissistic personality disorder multiple times while describing your mother. Especially since the two of you had gone to Stanford together for a little while and he’d met them multiple times. Dean had only met them once when there had been a hunt in your hometown, but that was enough for him to decide your mom was “a douche” and your dad was only enabling her. However, you still wanted a relationship with your dad and as much as he worshipped your mom, it was either cut both of them off or cut neither of them off. You tried to stay as low contact with your mom as possible, but it was hard. For so long, she’d been your entire social life, since she didn’t really allow you to have many relationships outside of her. The few you developed were either from school when she wasn’t around, or when you snuck out. It was especially hard to believe her behavior wasn’t normal, or that the horrible things she’d said to you weren’t true, when she’d been the only voice in your ear for nearly two decades. She had trained you to need her, but never to rely on her. Hence why you’d felt obligated to show up to family Thanksgiving. Now sitting on your bedroom floor completely drained of both feeling and tears, you’d wished you hadn’t.

Your stomach growled and you groaned. Your anxiety had been so bad the entire time, it had given you an upset stomach. You’d barely eaten anything in the last few days, since eating while your stomach was churning was never a good idea. Deciding you should at least have a nice hot shower and maybe something light, like crackers, you hauled yourself up off your floor, grabbed your bathroom things, and headed to the showers.

 ~~~

You’d thought you were drained of all possible tears, but you were wrong. It had been impossible to tell which was the water from the shower on your face and which was the tears. Your stomach continued to twist in knots and your anxiety was now so bad that you’d had to make a run for the toilet about every fifteen minutes. Why must your bowels betray you now, too?

You were starving, but nothing sounded good except maybe some applesauce and crackers. At least you felt nice and clean as you shuffled your way into the kitchen, sniffling and rubbing your tired eyes, wearing your comfiest pair of PJs with the hood up over your head like a hug. You could definitely use one of those right now, but both of the boys’ doors had been shut and you didn’t want to bother them. They rarely got a day off, much less the full week they’d been taking—and never on a holiday. You doubted they’d really celebrated Thanksgiving the way most people did, but you still wanted to make sure they had their downtime. Besides, you bothered them enough whenever you needed something—which seemed like a lot.

You sighed as you pulled out the jug of applesauce you kept in the fridge, grabbing a spoon and just eating directly out of the jug. You plopped down on the island stool with your water bottle and closed your eyes, swinging your feet as you did so—at least, until your foot bumped into a lump.

“Ow,” a gravelly voice mumbled beneath you. Your eyes shot open to see Dean Winchester sitting on the floor next to your feet. “Why are you kicking me?”

“Why are you on the floor?” you asked around a mouthful of food.

“It’s a free bunker.” He hauled himself to his feet using the bar stool next to you, groaning all the while.

“Old man,” you mumbled.

“Whatever. You ain’t that much younger than me, kid.”

“Then why do you still call me kid?”

“’Cause…free bunker,” he muttered, plopping down next to you with a sigh, his beer bottle clunking on the table.

You snorted and shook your head, just enjoying his company. Although you’d had a crush on him since you were a teenager, you knew the type he went for. Ever since you’d joined them on hunts years ago, you’d had to watch him go after numerous women in bars who looked nothing like you. Attractive, for example. Your mom constantly reminded you every time she saw you how you needed to “lose weight.” Although you and Dean had become practically inseparable over the years—eating burgers together, watching dumb horror movies and rocking out to Metallica in the Impala—there was no way he saw you as anything more. If he had, he would’ve said something, right? Either way, you would take whatever affection from him you could get, even if it was just platonic.

“You feeling okay, kid?”

You nodded. “Just a little queasy.”

It was quiet for a moment before Dean finally said, “You weren’t really on a hunt, were you?”

You finally looked over at him. You were about to deny it, but one look in his probing green eyes told you there would be no getting away with it. “I’m really not in the mood for a lecture right now, Dean.”

He held his hands up in a surrendering position. “I wasn’t gonna lecture you. I just want you to feel like you can come to me with this stuff.”

“How’d you find out?”

“Guess your mom was having trouble getting a hold of you, so she called Sam ’cause she knows you two still talk.”

You sighed and closed your eyes, pushing the applesauce away from you. “Why did he pick up?”

“He got that new phone last month and didn’t transfer her number, so I guess he didn’t know who it was. Thought it might be another hunter.”

You groaned. “I’m sorry he had to deal with her.”

“I don’t get why you still deal with her.”

“Dean—”

“Listen, I’m not here to lecture you, okay? I’m just saying, I know you come home from being with them and feel like shit about yourself, and I don’t want you to feel like shit about yourself.”

You glanced over at him to see his face softer than you were used to.

“You’re pretty frickin’ awesome, kid.”

“I don’t know…”

“Well, I do. So does Sam and everybody else in our family. Jody and Donna love you like their own kid, Claire thinks you’re the best thing that happened, which is pretty high praise coming from her.” He paused. “I know I’m not so good at the whole talking about our feelings thing, but I’m here if you need anything.”

You swallowed. “What if…what if I’m just a crybaby and the stuff my family does is normal?”

“Trust me, kid, that ain’t normal. I’m an expert in not-normal, and your family definitely qualifies.”

You snorted, grabbing his beer and taking a mouthful.

“Hey!” he cried.

“Sharing is caring.”

“Okay, then, you won’t mind if I do this.” He stuck his tongue out and leaned towards your applesauce.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his face. “Back off, Winchester.”

He smiled. “There’s the smile.” He surprised you by reaching out and rubbing your back. “Glad to have you home, kid. If you need anything, you know where to find me.” He yawned, chugging the rest of his beer and heading towards the door. He ruffled your hair before making his way out of the kitchen, the beer bottle crashing against the others in the trash can on his way out.

~~~

It had been a few weeks since the disaster that was Thanksgiving dinner with your family. You tossed and turned in your bed fitfully as you thought about the text your mother had sent you just a few hours ago: We want you to sleep over Christmas Eve, so we can all be together Christmas morning to open gifts like we used to when you were little. When you asked if anyone else was sleeping over, she’d merely said she didn’t know, but if they didn’t, we can always have some mother-child bonding time. You shuddered at the thought.

Eventually, you fell asleep sometime around two in the morning. Not even an hour later, you bolted upright in bed, sweating and panting. You’d dreamed Sam and Dean had finally had enough of you and kicked you out of the bunker. Before you’d even been able to blink, Castiel had transported you and your belongings to your parents’ house, where your mom hadn’t even given you space to breathe. When you tried to explain you just wanted to be alone for a little while to grieve your relationship with the Winchesters, she’d gone off on you, even going so far as to chain you to the kitchen table leg while laughing maniacally. You’d tried to call out to your dad for help, but he just shrugged, saying he didn’t see what was abnormal about the situation and how you should be more “grateful” to your mother.

You clutched the blanket beneath you and frantically looked around your room. You were in the bunker with the Winchesters, and you were safe.

Before you even realized what you were doing, you found your feet carrying you to Dean’s bedroom door. You hesitated. It was three in the morning. Dean needed all the sleep he could get. However, something in you pulled you to slowly crack his door and peek through. The light from the hallway shone on his sleeping face. His mouth ajar with soft snores pouring out, his hair sticking every which way and his long lashes brushing his cheek made it hard for you to pull yourself away. He stirred and frowned before rolling over away from the light. You quickly backed out of the doorway, closing it shut behind you quietly.

You fell against the wall, hiding your face in your hands as you took a shaky breath. You were enough of a burden. You didn’t need to give them a reason to really kick you out. You loved Sam and Cas like brothers and Dean…after years hunting with him, you’d come to really be in love with him. You couldn’t ruin things by letting your heart get in the way of your head. He wouldn’t feel the same, things would get awkward and then you really would have to leave the bunker—

“Y/N?”

You jumped, looking up to meet Dean’s eyes. You hadn’t even heard him come out of his room. He looked even more adorable as he rubbed some sleep from his eye, his hair full hedgehog-mode, making your heart ache even more. You couldn’t help but glance down at the way his boxers hugged his hips, butt and…other things. You quickly looked away, sniffling as something wet ran down your nose. You hadn’t even realized you’d been crying.

Before you could reach up to wipe them away, Dean gently turned you to face him. His hands rose, hesitating in midair as he stared at you. You were surprised by the slight fear you saw there. When you made no move to pull away, the rough pads of his thumbs gently wiped the tears from your cheeks. You bit your lip as you felt more tears forming before collapsing against his chest. You hugged his middle tightly as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling you close and burying his face in your hair. After a few minutes, you felt his fingers gently massaging your head, his fingers carding through the soft strands. You melted against him.

You stayed like that for several more minutes before he pulled away, his hand gently running down your arm to grab your hand. “Come on,” he mumbled, tugging you gently towards his bed.

You paused next to his bed, feeling awkward as you watched him climb under the covers. He threw the covers next to him back and patted the empty side of the mattress. “C’mere, sweetheart.”

Your heart leaped at the nickname. It wasn’t like he’d never used it before, but this felt different. He was using it to invite you into his bed. But not like that, you told yourself, he’d never invite you in like that. You glanced at his open arms before quickly accepting the invitation, settling your head against his chest and falling into a peaceful sleep with his heartbeat thumping in your ear and a hand gently massaging your scalp.

~~~

A rough pounding on your door woke you up. You jolted awake, looking at the clock on your nightstand to see it read eight in the morning.

“Up and at ’em!” Dean’s voice called from the other side of the door. You smiled at the childlike excitement evident in his voice. With the support of the two brothers, you’d been able to find the strength to tell your mom that you wouldn’t be sleeping over for Christmas. Instead, the Winchesters had insisted they take the week off and you, the brothers and Cas would celebrate Christmas together. She’d thrown a fit about and tried to call you multiple times, eventually causing Sam to block her once she started calling him nonstop as well. You’d almost picked up multiple times, but Dean had been your rock throughout the entire situation. He’d rarely left your side the past few weeks and had slowly started becoming more physically affectionate, making you wonder if maybe he did feel something for you. He always made you feel better, but the past few weeks, it had seemed like his mission to make you feel like you were on top of the world: buying all your favorite foods on supply runs, marathoning movies with you and even insisting you start spending the night in each other’s rooms more often. Although it was usually his room. Who could resist that memory foam mattress (and how everything smelled like him, but of course you didn’t tell him about that part)? One night that was particularly bad, Dean had even had a dance party with you in the kitchen—music provided by Metallica, of course.

You swung your legs out of bed and threw your bedroom door open as his knocking became more intense. He had a stupid grin plastered across his face that you couldn’t help but mirror. He was practically vibrating in excitement.

“Well, someone’s excited,” you laughed.

“You kiddin’? You know when the last time we actually celebrated Christmas was?”

Your smile became wider, if that was possible, as he grabbed your hand and tugged you towards the man-cave, which had apparently been decorated, but you’d been forbidden from stepping foot in there. Dean said he wanted it to be a surprise.

“Cas, we’re coming in!” Dean yelled before skidding to a halt with you in the doorway. His face fell and you burst out laughing at the scene in front of you. “Cas, when Sam suggested ‘simple banners,’ I don’t think this is what he meant…”

Cas tilted his head in confusion, still holding onto one of the many plain white banners with the words “Merry Christmas” typed on it in large Times New Roman font. Although it looked ridiculously out of place next to the lights hung up on the walls and the Christmas tree groaning with the weight of too many ornaments on its branches, a small model Impala on the top in lieu of a star, it was 100% Cas. “Is this not satisfactory?”

You tried to contain your laughter. Dean ran a hand down his face in frustration as you said, “No, it’s great, Cas.”

Sam appeared behind you with two mugs of coffee in his hand. “You’d think I’d remember how literal he takes everything by now.” He handed you and Dean the mugs before helping Cas hang the final few banners.

You sipped your coffee, your eyes growing wide as you noticed all the presents under the tree. You recognized the wrapping paper you had used for the gifts you purchased for the boys, but the pile with your name on it was a little bigger than you expected.

As everyone sat around laughing, talking and opening presents—and of course, roasting each other—you were in Heaven. This was the most stress-free Christmas you’d ever had. Sam had gotten you several books you’d been wanting to read, Cas had gotten you some cozy PJs and some more coffee mugs and thermoses, and now only the presents Dean had gotten for you lay unopened. There was an uncharacteristic shyness in Dean’s smile as he pushed them towards you. You gave him a reassuring smile back as you ripped the wrapping paper away.

He chuckled at your noise of excitement as you opened the bag of your favorite candy, shoving several in your mouth. The second present contained the complete box set of your favorite TV show. But the third was what really got to you: a small framed bulletin board full of pictures of you and the Winchesters. Pictures of you and Dean together dominated the board and the word “family” was written across the top and bottom of the frame.

You felt your eyes fill with tears and looked up to see Sam and Cas had disappeared, leaving you and Dean alone sitting by the Christmas tree. “Did you make this?”

Dean nodded. “I know your family kinda sucks, so I thought you could use a reminder that you’ve always got a family here with us. I know you don’t wanna go no-contact and if you never do, me, Sam and Cas will support you. But I just thought you could use a reminder that you’ve got a family who thinks you’re pretty damn awesome just the way you are, kid.”

You laughed. “Look at you, getting all chick flick-y.”

“Shut up,” he mumbled, his cheeks turning pink as he looked away.

You leaned over to hug him. “Seriously though, thank you. I love it.”

Dean pulled you as close to his chest as he possibly could. “You’re welcome, kid.” He adjusted his legs beneath you as he pulled you into his lap, burying his face in your hair. It had become your new way to hug.

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that, just enjoying the feeling of being in Dean’s arms, but a crash from the kitchen made you jump. Cas’s voice carried from the kitchen, “Sam, somehow I don’t think this is the customary way to make pancakes.”

Dean groaned and you giggled just as you turned your head to look at him. He turned his head at the same time and you froze as your lips brushed against his. The two of you stared at each other with wide eyes for a moment, and you couldn’t help glancing at his full lips. You yanked your eyes back up to meet Dean’s green orbs to find him staring at your lips as well. Wait, did he—

“Fuck it,” he mumbled before crashing his lips into yours.

You made a noise of surprise and tensed. If there was anything you were expecting from Christmas morning, it certainly wasn’t this. You were frozen in shock and after a minute, Dean tensed beneath you as well. Afraid he would misread the situation and pull away, you relaxed in Dean’s arms, your hand going to the back of his short hair and scratching his scalp with the blunt ends of your nails. He relaxed in turn and let his hands wander all over your body. You leaned into him, unsure how you’d enjoyed anyone else’s kisses up until now. You always knew Dean was a ladies’ man and was probably a good kisser, but now realized how your imagination paled in comparison. “You’re gorgeous,” he mumbled in between kisses.

Just as his tongue gently ran over your bottom lip as he pulled you impossibly closer, his hands making their way to cup your ass, Sam’s voice boomed behind you, “About damn time!”

You jumped and pulled away to see the younger Winchester with an annoyed but amused grin on his face in the doorway.

Dean cleared his throat, moving his hands back up to your hips. “A little privacy, Sammy?”

Sam’s face fell. “Um, so the pancakes kind of exploded…”

“What?” Dean cried as you howled with laughter. “How the hell do you make pancakes explode, Sam?!”

“Cas did it!”

“That is an inaccurate statement!” Cas yelled from the kitchen.

Tears leaked out of your eyes from laughter as Dean groaned and buried his face in your shoulder.

“I’ll just—go—clean things…” you heard Sam sprint back down the hallway.

Dean sighed. “All right, let’s go teach Dumb and Dumber how to cook without destroying the bunker.”

Before he could move, you rubbed your nails across the back of his neck one more time. He immediately relaxed at the action. “Dean, seriously, thank you.”

He smiled. “You just seemed to have such a shitty Thanksgiving, I wanted to make sure Christmas was awesome.”

“It was the best I’ve ever had.”

He kissed you again, leaning towards you as you started to pull away. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”

You beamed. “Merry Christmas, Dean.”

[sonnydeluca-a]

self para 002

tw: child abuse, violence, death mention, harassment mention

Sixteen years old with eyes gleaming mean. Blond hair disheveled and lip busted, bloody. Sonny sat in the principal’s office with a scowl on his face, listening as his parents talked to the man in charge.

He’s very lucky that charges aren’t being pressed.

He wanted to speak up, say that the fight wasn’t his fault, that he wasn’t the one that started it - but it was, and he did, because he had a hard time controlling himself.

He’ll be suspended for two weeks. I trust that you’ll handle the problem.

It wasn’t the first time this had happened, but it was by far the worst. He’d gotten into it with one of his classmates after a comment was made about his sister, how sexy she was and the kind of fun he’d like to have with her. It never sat well with him, boys talking about Jade that way. So, being the protective older brother, he tackled the kid in the hallway and pummeled the shit out of him, going as far as to threaten killing him. The other had gotten a few good hits in, but not enough to deter Sonny as he continued to throw punches.

Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Deluca. Have a nice day.

The car ride home was quiet. Too quiet. His mother sat in the front seat crying, while his father drove with his knuckles white from the grip he had on the steering wheel. Shouldn’t they be proud of him for standing up for Jade? Shouldn’t they be happy that he was being a good older brother? No. He’d upset his mother, and pissed off his father, by getting himself suspended again - and for threatening murder.

“I’m going upstairs.” He muttered as he got out of the car, grabbing his backpack from the seat beside him. Before he could get to the front door, James grabbed him by the arm to stop him. Donna was already on her way into the house, leaving the two of them in the driveway. “The fuck you are, you goddamn little shit. You go in there and wait in my office. I’ll deal with you in a minute.” Sonny yanked his arm away from his father with a huff before heading into the house, dropping his backpack by the door. Donna looked at him, just stared at him, as he walked through the living room and down the hallway, slipping into James’ office and slamming the door behind him. He knew what was coming; there was no other reason for him to be in this very room if it wasn’t for a beating. They never happened in front of his mother because it upset her, seeing any of her boys being hurt, leaving them to face it alone in the office where James handled his business.

It seemed like ages, sitting there with his hands in his lap, foot tapping rapidly on the floor, despite the fact that it had only been about fifteen minutes. When the door finally opened, his shoulders tensed as he heard his father coming in and shutting the door behind him. “Are you a goddamn idiot?” He asked, moving around the chair Sonny sat in to stand next to him, towering over his youngest son. “Threatening to kill that boy? What the fuck were you thinking?” His voice boomed throughout the wood-paneled room, loud and demanding. “I don’t know,” Sonny said after a moment, not daring to lift his gaze from where it was focused on the floor. “I didn’t mean to - dad, I didn’t mean it, it just slipped out. I wasn’t thinking - I just wanted to protect Jade.” “Shut up, Sonny! Don’t give me that fuckin’ excuse. Get up - get the fuck up.” James grabbed him by the arm again, hauling him out of the chair.

After letting go of the boy, he undid his belt and pulled it off, doubling it over in his hands. Sonny hesitated, wanting to argue and plead and apologize, but he did nothing and instead braced his hands against the wall, waiting. He knew by now not to fight, not to argue or cause a scene, because he’d just make it worst on himself.

Once the blows started it felt like they were never going to stop, the only thing keeping the belt from hitting his bare skin being his t-shirt and basketball shorts. From his shoulders to the backs of his knees they kept coming, leaving him flinching with every one but not moving from where he stood. He didn’t know how long it lasted, time felt like it was moving far too slow, but after a while the blows eventually slowed down and came to a stop.

Sonny didn’t know when he’d started crying, full on sobbing by that point in time, but James had no sympathy for him. “Get out,” He said after a moment, but Sonny wasn’t listening, causing him to snap the belt against his thigh again. “Get the fuck out!” Sonny snapped back to reality after a moment, sniffling as his shoulders shook. “Yes, sir. Sorry.” He let out a slow breath, walking out of the office and fighting off sobs that threatened to start again.

There was no way he was going to make it up the stairs, so he went back down the hallway to the living room where his mother sat on the couch. He let out a sob intentionally to get her attention, causing her to turn and look at him. “Oh, my baby,” She said softly, watching as he walked around the couch before opening her arms, inviting him in. “Shhh, it’s okay - c’mere, baby.” Sonny wasted no time climbing onto the couch, situating himself in Donna’s lap with his head on her shoulder, sniffling. “It’s okay,” She rubbed his back slowly, careful not to put too much pressure as she felt the welts raised beneath his shirt. “You’re okay, momma’s got you.”

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, him sitting there bawling as she rubbed his back and stroked his hair, doing her best to comfort him and settle him down. After a while, though, it finally worked. He stopped shaking, stopped crying so hard, and eventually just fell asleep with his head in Donna’s shoulder, her arms wrapped around him.

Despite the fact that he was hurting and had fallen asleep with tears streaking his face, Sonny looked peaceful - and innocent, the way Donna liked to remember her boy.

[badwolf-in-the-impala]

~Whiskey Lullaby~

~Chapter 6~

|| Previous Chapter | Next Chapter ||

Image Credit: Me. Pictures not mine obviously, but the collage is.

Rating: NSFW-18+

Warnings: Alcohol and drug abuse, violence, suggested sexual/physical abuse, kidnapping, sexual content, angst.

Chapter Warnings: Physical abuse, mentions of potential attempted rape, alcohol abuse...ALL THE ANGST!

A/N: I’m just gonna...leave this here...**runs away** Also, this makes a bit of a jump forward, cause things are really gonna start to pick up now in the action department!

-------------------------------------

“God fucking dammit!”

The prospect ducked as a wrench was sent flying across the small storage unit; nearly missing him. Teagan rolling out from underneath the Chevelle the rest of the way, cradling her head in her hands for a moment before standing up and crossing to the bench on the opposite side of the car. Picking up the half empty bottle of Jack Daniels and taking another long pull before returning it to the same spot.

“M-Maybe you shouldn’t--” Half-Sack immediately closed his mouth as she turned to narrow her gaze at him. Daring him to finish. Setting down his tools awkwardly he gestured back towards the garage.

“I’m just gonna…” He trailed off as he stepped around her carefully. All but nearly sprinting across the lot once he was out of the unit. Teagan pinched the bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger as she sucked in a deep breath.

Her temper had been short the past few weeks...ever since the fight with Tig. She was on edge. The stress of her situation -- the not knowing how long until they would find her -- weighing heavily on her more and more every day...and choosing to shut everyone else out for the time being seemed a more logical answer. Not to mention things had gotten a whole lot more complicated for the Club recently.

Between the shit with Donna, and now Bobby behind bars? The last thing they needed was the drama between siblings coming into play and making shit worse. Her self destructive behavior was enough of a hindrance as it was. It was just better if she kept herself out of shit for now...feelings and all.

Not to mention she had been less than a peach to deal with anyways. Keeping herself well fed on a diet of whiskey and nicotine, her fuse was short. Making her pretty well avoidable for the most part. Everyone choosing to stay out of her way; least she decide to unleash her wrath upon them. Even Gemma had been avoiding her for the most part. But Teagan knew in a sense it was more or less to give her space...knowing that when she was ready to talk, she would.

Heaving a irritated sigh as she watched the sky start it’s usual change as evening approached; Teagan grabbed her leather jacket off the bench and threw it on before strutting her way across the lot. The guys watching quietly from the safety of the garage as she climbed on her bike and haul-ass down the street.

“The hells that all about?” Jax questioned as he sauntered into the shop, turning an accusing gaze to the prospect who had retreated to the corner near the office. Half-Sack’s eyes widening as he pointed out the door.

“That is so not my fault!” He defended. “She’s a bottle and a half deep already...she was working on the Chevelle and just like, lost her shit. She nearly took my head off with a wrench!”

“Je’sus Christ...an’ ye let her leave?!” Chibs sighed as he looked at the prospect from across the shop. Half-Sack putting his hands up defensively, fearing he was gonna get something else thrown at him.

“I didn’t even know she had her keys!”

“Well, how ‘bout ye make yer’self useful an’ go find her!” Chibs suggested in a menacing tone as he pointed out the door of the garage. Half-Sack about to leave when Tig spoke up.

“Unless you wanna clean up what’s left of the Prospect when she’s done ripping him to shreds--? That’d be the last fuckin’ thing I’d suggest.” He stated, narrowing his gaze at the Scot before returning his attention back to the bike he’d been working on. “She’ll be fine.”

“Aye…” Chibs mused sarcastically as he rounded on his fellow brother. “So tha’s it then? Ye’re jus’ gonna let her go off like tha? Get herself killed, or worse?!”

“It’s not your problem man!” Tig shot back with an accusing finger pointed at the Scot. “So why don’t you just drop it?”

“Enough.” Jax stepped in before things continued to escalate. “I’m not gonna pretend to know what’s goin’ here...but really? Work your fuckin’ shit out move on! Teagan’s a big girl, and those of us who know her; know she can take care of herself. Maybe not in ways any of us approve of...but it is what it is.

“Besides, we’ve got bigger fuckin’ fish to fry right now with gettin’ Bobby out of prison. So figure it the fuck out!”

Chibs and Tig exchanged a final glance before giving a nod of agreement. Things had been tense recently with the blow back from the hit they pulled off for Hayes in exchange for a shipment of guns. Leaving them to track down the witness and take care of the issue to free their own man. But between having the ATF up their ass, and now Teagan’s history the streets of Charming again; it hadn’t been easy.

“We good?” Jax added, seemingly pleased as they gave a mutual, and very unenthused, ‘Yeah’. “Good...Church in an hour. Wrap it up.”

~

It was barely after 10pm when Teagan was sent hurtling out the backdoor of a local bar downtown. Crashing into the trash cans as the owner pointed a finger at her, gaze narrowed as he seethed his final warning too her.

“Step foot in my bar again, and I’ll make sure you get carted off back to where ever in the hell you came from! That clear enough for you?!” The door slammed shut behind him, the bottle in Teagan’s hand smashing against it a few seconds to late as she pushed herself to her feet.

“Asshole!” She slurred angrily, nearly falling back into the pile of garbage as she tripped over herself; staggering towards the exit at the end of the alley. Paying no mind as she attempted to make her way back to where ever in the hell she had parked her bike. Rolling her eyes in response to the catcall that sounded off from somewhere behind her down the street. She also ignored the whistle that followed it a few seconds later.

“Hey!” The voice hollered, closer as they approached her from behind. Teagan coming to a stop as she turned, glaring at the four men as they crossed the street. “Don’t you know how to take a compliment, Sweetheart?”

“Didn’t yeer mothers evver t-teeaach youu it’s’naw nnice ta harrass womenn oon the sstreet.” She snapped back in an angry slur of words. The tallest of the group smirked as he stepped closer; Teagan’s hand reaching for the Colt 1911 she usually kept tucked in the back of her jeans. Mentally cursing herself when she realized it was in the saddle bag of her bike.

“Well, well, well...looky what we’ve got here boys. Guess the rumors goin’ round seem to be true afterall. Looks like our little Raven has come home to roost after all.”

Teagan’s heart nearly leapt into her throat as she took a step back. The man stepping forward and into the light of a nearby street lamp; her eyes widening as recognized him. Just as he recognized her.

“No…” She grit out between clenched teeth as he expression hardened. Turning to storm away, only to be stopped by two more men who  had approached out of nowhere. Boxing her in like a pack of wolves circling their prey.

“Oh wait, that’s right...you fancy yourself one of them Crow Eaters now, right?”

“Go fuck yourself, Bradley .” She spat, turning as she tried to push her way between the two men behind her. Squirming as the snatched her up by either arm and drug her forward. Bradley snatching her by the jaw roughly as he pulled her close; face dangerously close to her own as he smirked.

“C’mon now Rave, I thought we were better friends than that.” He purred, making her stomach churn as the urge to vomit swept washed over her. “Besides...I’m sure Darby would be ecstatic to know you’re back.”

Teagan didn’t give any more response other than spitting in his face; the action causing him to release her. Her fist collided with his stomach, knocking the air out of him and giving her the chance to take off. Though she didn’t make if far before a hand grabbed the back of her jacket, pulling her to the ground; hard.

A ringing filled her ears as he head collided with the concrete of the sidewalk. The sounds of muffled laughter surrounding her as Bradley and his men surrounded her. All the air soon being knocked from her lungs as a foot collided with her stomach in retaliation; followed by another to her back...and another...and another.

She was nearly unconscious when they finally hauled her to her feet. Bradley’s vice like grip crushing her jaw again as she tried not to choke on the blood that pooled in her mouth. Forcing herself to keep her eyes open as unconsciousness threatened to pull her under. A small whimper leaving her lips as Bradley pulled her closer. Her eyes squeezing shut tightly as his lips brushed against her ear.

“I think it’s time we go pay Darby a lil visit.”

~

“You think we should go out an’ look for her?” Juice asked before polishing off the rest of his beer. Setting the empty bottle down on the picnic table they sat around. Chibs heaved a sigh as he check the time on his phone. It was well after 2am, and Teagan had yet to return; which was unusual.

She may have been a drunk, but she was always punctual when it came to returning to the Clubhouse for the night. Always after Midnight, but never any later than 1am. It didn’t matter how drunk she was, she got there somehow and hadn’t been late once. Not until now, at least...and Chibs wasn’t the only one who was concerned.

“Maybe she got picked up?” Hap rasped as he finished the last of his cigarette. Stamping it out with the toe of his boot as he stared out at the gate. Brows furrowed as he turned to stare at Chibs; who’s own expression had settled into one of unease as he waited. But he shook his head in response to the Tacoma Killer’s question.

“Nah...Hale or Unser woulda brough’ her back by now.” Chibs replied as he pushed himself to his feet. Stretching a little before starting across the lot for his bike. Juice jogging up beside him and falling into stride.

“What’re you gonna do?” He asked, curiously. Ready to help in any way he could.

“I’m gonna make sure the Lass ain’t dead in’a gutter somewhere...since obviously her brother isn’t worried.” He ground out with an irritated tone. Climbing onto his bike and grabbing his helmet. Juice and Hap about to follow suit when an old pile of shit car came screeching up on the lot. The guys reaching for their guns and taking cover as they, readied themselves for a fight as the rear door flew open.

But there was never any gun fire. Only the sound of the door slamming shut and the car screeching as it reversed out onto the street and sped off. Chibs was the first to poke his head over the bike to peer out over the lot; his heart nearly stopping in his chest as he watched the form on the ground struggled to get up. Her dark mess of curls a dead giveaway, even in the darkness.

Chibs was on his feet and across the lot in a flash. Juice and Hap following suit as they tailed after him, watching as the Scot dropped to his knees beside her; a pained moaned slipping passed her lips as he turned her bloodied face toward him gently. A new found rage coursed through his veins like fire as he carefully inspected the damage.

She looked like she’d been hit by a bloody freight train. Her hands and feet were still bound with duct tape and her tank top was torn nearly all the way open, revealing the darkening bruises on rib cage and stomach. His eyes darkening with fury as he spotted the purple fingerprints that were etched into the skin of her throat and jaw. Another whimper leaving her lips as he pushed her hair back, revealing the bloodied knot where she’d taken a blow of some sort to the head.

“Easy there Lass...stay wit’ me.” He soothed gently; shifting to pull the knife from his belt as he cut her hands and feet loose before scooping her up and cradling her in his arms gently as he started for the Clubhouse.

“Call Tara.”

~

Teagan winced as Tara swept the light in front of her eyes again, ordering her to follow it before handing her a solution to rinse her mouth out with. Helping her guide it to her mouth as he hands shook too much to hold it steady. Giving stiff nod of thanks as Tara returned to cleaning the blood away from her face the best she could; tending to the cuts and scrapes that covered her face and hands carefully with an alcohol swab before moving to prod at her ribs.

“Sorry.” Tara apologized with a sympathetic smile.

“It’s alright…” Teagan rasped as she adjusted the blanket that was draped around her shoulders.

“You wanna tell me what happened?” Tara pressed lightly as she sat in front of her, moving to bandage her left hand carefully. Teagan simply shook her head and looked away. “Teag…?”

“They didn’t get the chance to rape me if that’s what you’re asking.” She snapped, green eyes blazing with anger as she forced herself to focus on the woman in front of her who nodding carefully. “Darby’s stupid...but he isn’t this stupid.”

“Darby did this?!” Tig’s voice demanded as he barged into the room, Chibs tailing close behind muttering what could only be profanities in Gaelic; about to apologize when both men stopped. Catching a closer look at the damage that had been done before Teagan pulled the blanket closed.

“I’m gonna kill him!” Tig yelled as he turned to leave the room, stopped by the hand that Chibs planted in the middle of his chest. Tig ready to throw a punch when her voice stopped him.

“No...not Darby.” She snapped, her voice hoarse and broken. “Christ Tig, he’s not an idiot.”

“Than who?!” Tig demanded impatiently.

“Jesus, Tig…” She gave an exasperated sigh. “Bradley...it was fuckin’ Bradley.”

“He’s a deadman when I--”

“Stop!”

The whole room fell silent as she shouted, her eyes filled with anger and tears as he stared at her brother. Clutching her ribs as she stood to face him. Tig’s expression softening as he watched her.

“It’s too fucking late to play hero, Tig.” Her voice waived as she drew in a shallow breath. “He knows I’m here…”

“O..k…” Tara butted in, giving Teagan a shoulder to lean on as she swayed slightly. “She needs rest. This will have to wait.”

She motioned for Chibs to take her as she turned back to dig through her medical bag, pulling out a bottle of Vicodin and tossing it to him. Chibs tucking it inside the pocket of his Kutte before wrapping a careful arm around Teagan’s shoulder and guiding her out of the room and down the hall to her room. Making it halfway to her bed before she stopped him and pointed towards the bathroom.

“I need to shower.” She started quietly when he looked down at her with a questioning gaze. Nodding in understanding before helping her into the bathroom and sitting her down gently on the toilet seat. Turning to reach in and turn the water onto the shower before returning and kneeling to unlace her boots; removing them carefully as she braced her hands against her shoulders to keep herself upright.

“Sorry, love.” He apologized softly when she winced. His warm brown eyes filled with concern as he stared up at her. “I’ll wait fer ye jus’ outside?” Teagan nodded stiffly but stayed silent as Chibs helped her stand; pulling a clean towel out of the cabinet and placing it on the edge of the sink before stepping out give her some privacy.

Half an hour passed before the water finally shut off and he heard her step out. Waiting patiently on the edge of her bed; ice pack and painkillers in hand as she shuffled stiffly to the door frame, still wrapped in a towel as she leaned against it for support as he stood and crossed the room. Guiding her carefully to the bed and sitting her down as he picked up the Vicodin, about to open it when she stopped him. Her hand on top of his.

“Don’ be ridiculous love...it’ll help.”

“I can’t.” She stated quietly with a shake of her head. Chibs studied her carefully for a moment before realizing what she meant. Nodding as he stood and disappearing into the bathroom, returning a few seconds with three Advil and glass of water. Teagan knocking them back before setting the glass carefully on the table beside her bed.

“Thank you.”

“Aye. I’m here if ye need anythin’ love.” He gave a soft smile before turning to leave the room, stopping when he felt her hand grab his gently.

“Please don’t leave me.” Teagan whispered quietly. Green eyes pleading as she gazed up at him, her bottom lip quivering slightly.

“Of course Lass.” He quirked a small smile as he moved to close the door and turn off the overhead light; leaving the lamp next to the bed on as he sat and stripped off his leather jacket and Kutte. Tossing them over the back of a chair before tugging his shirt off and tossing it on the bed and bending to unlace his boots to kick them off. A grin quirked at the edge of his lips as he stood and looked, hands pausing on his belt buckle as he took notice that Teagan had replaced the towel with his shirt.

Moving around the edge of the bed he helped her turn down the sheets; propping the pillows before easing her back onto them and settling the ice pack against her ribs before returning to the opposite side the bed where he finished stripping down to his boxers before climbing beneath the covers and nestling Teagan carefully into his side. The room falling silent as he closed his eyes.

“Where are you from?”

The question caught him by surprise as he opened his eyes, a soft chuckle rumbling through his chest as he looked down. Her green gaze watched him carefully as she waited for an answer. Chibs adjusting the pillow behind him as he sat up a little.

“I was born in Glasgow.” He stated. “But I grew up in Belfast.”

“Belfast…” Teagan repeated softly as she closed her eyes. “Is it nice?”

“Aye.” He smiled, fingers stroking her hair softly. “The countryside where I grew up...it’s verra beautiful. All rollin’ green hills and little farms.”

“Are there fuzzy cows?” She mumbled curiously.

“Ye mean highland cows?” Chibs chuckled lightly. She nodded against his chest in response, her eyes closed as he looked down at her. “Yes, Lass, there’s fuzzy cows.” He sighed softly.

“An’ cliffs over lookin’ the sea...rains a’lot but ‘es nah so bad all the time. ‘Specially in the Springtime when ‘es evening and it’s quiet out.”

“That sounds really nice.” She hummed, the sound of his voice soothing. “An’ safe.”

“Aye, it is.”

“I think I’d like to go there someday.” Teagan stated softly against his chest as he pulled her closer. Resting his chin atop her head gently as he closed his own eyes again. A soft sigh leaving his lips.

“Perhaps I’ll take ye there someday.”

------------------------------------------

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[maddie-grove]

Bi-Monthly Reading Round-Up: November/December

Playlist

“When I’m Gone” by Brenda Holloway (Gone Girl)

“I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston (At the Queen’s Summons)

“Doctor My Eyes” by Jackson Browne (The Ask and the Answer)

“I Can Love You Better” by the Dixie Chicks (Sun and Moon, Ice and Snow)

“The Bad Touch” by Bloodhound Gang (Storm)

“Suspicion” by Terry Stafford (Trapped at the Altar)

“Smokey Places” by the Corsairs (The Diamond Slipper)

“You’re My Best Friend” by Queen (Someone to Trust)

“Praying” by Kesha (The Hostage)

“Castle Rock” by Barnaby Bright (Bledding Sorrow)

“The Circle of Life” from The Lion King (Monsters of Men)

“Disturbia” by Rihanna (I’ll Be Gone in the Dark)

“It’s All in the Game” by Tommy Edwards (Doomed Queen Anne)

“Locking Up My Heart” by the Marvelettes (Beware, Princess Elizabeth)

Best of the Bi-Month

The Hostage by Susan Wiggs (2000): In the chaos of the Great Chicago Fire of 1871, backwoods trader Tom Silver kidnaps heiress Deborah Sinclair, hoping to make her industrialist father compensate the victims of his greed and negligence. Nothing goes according to plan, however, and these two people who should be enemies become anything but. I absolutely loved this book; the combination of slow-burn romance and action-packed non-romantic plot was perfect, and Deborah’s arc is just beautiful.

Worst of the Bi-Month

Bledding Sorrow by Marilyn Harris (1976): The cash-strapped heir of an ancient Yorkshire estate, his improperly medicated American wife, and a working-class coach driver are forced to reenact a Tudor-era tragedy, because of...reasons, I guess. I wasn’t too disappointed when I realized that this was Gothic horror instead of Gothic romance--I like scary stories, too--but this isn’t so much a novel as a long parade of pointlessly dismaying incidents. The characters are generally powerless to avoid their fates and, what’s more, they don’t have the opportunity or inclination to struggle very hard. Their helplessness might work if there were a compelling explanation for it, but Harris only makes a few vague suggestions (i.e., “Reincarnation?” or “House evil?”). Also, one of the supporting characters is such an egregiously offensive gay stereotype that he would probably make Jack Chick exclaim, “Whoa, tone it down!” The style was decent, though, and I had a few good laughs along the way.

Rest of the Bi-Month

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara (2018): In this posthumously published true-crime book, McNamara details a series of burglaries, rapes, and murders that plagued Sacramento and Southern California during the 1970s-1980s, believed by her and many others to be the work of one man, dubbed the Golden State Killer. McNamara does a wonderful job capturing the strange false tranquility of Californian suburbia circa 1980, and she presents the (often convoluted) facts clearly but never salaciously. The good taste and empathy of her style kind of undercuts any passages along the lines of “perhaps researching serial killers is deeply unsavory,” but that was my only issue with the book.

The Ask and the Answer by Patrick Ness (2009): In the first sequel to The Knife of Never Letting Go, young Todd Hewitt, having left behind the world he knew forever, deals with increasingly morally complex and traumatic situations. Meanwhile, his new friend, [redacted], wrestles with similarly thorny and upsetting issues. This is a worthy sequel to one of my favorite books I read this year. I missed the road narrative of the first installment, but the complicated ethical dilemmas and the ever-switching power dynamics very nearly made up for its loss.

Monsters of Men by Patrick Ness (2010): In the final book of Ness’s trilogy, [redacted]. This was the weakest installment, but only because of some fairly minor structural issues, such as some initial narrative choppiness, that I probably wouldn’t have noticed if the first two books hadn’t been so well-structured as well as thematically fascinating. The payoff is pretty fantastic, in any event. Also, Todd’s whole...thing with the Mayor is one of the most gloriously weird, fascinating relationships I’ve seen in a YA novel.

Someone to Trust by Mary Balogh (2018): In Regency England, twenty-six-year-old Lord Hodges decides to do the proper thing and get himself wed; however, his narcissistic mother, not content with the significant emotional damage she’s dealt him over the years, keeps interfering with his search because she’s worried he’ll marry someone who’s not hot enough by her standards. Meanwhile, his thirty-five-year-old BFF, Lady Overfield, has resolved to accept the suit of a staid but pleasant acquaintance...but something just doesn’t feel right. You know what does feel right, though? Waltzing and talking about deep shit with Lord Hodges...and the feeling is mutual!!! This isn’t the most action-packed romance, but it’s super-cute and I was 1000% sold on Lady Overfield’s subtle awesomeness.

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn (2012): Unhappily married and resignedly living in his Missouri hometown, Nick Dunne suddenly finds himself as the prime suspect in his wife’s disappearance and apparent murder. What the fuck is going on? I spent like five years of my life debating with myself whether to read this book, and I’m glad I did (long after its relevancy had peaked, of course). It’s easily the weakest of Flynn’s three novels--its sense of place isn’t as strong as Sharp Objects or Dark Places, although I understand that’s somewhat intentional, and neither main character works as a representation of an actual person--but it’s a propulsive read and it’s pretty damn funny. 

The Diamond Slipper by Jane Feather (1997): Lady Cordelia Brandenburg travels with her BFF, a teenage Marie Antoinette, so they can get hitched to the Austrian ambassador to France and the Dauphin, respectively. Two problems: Cordelia’s new husband is a fucking monster, and she’s fallen in love with the grieving brother of the husband’s mysteriously dead first wife. This novel probably isn’t to everyone’s taste; it kind of zigzags between a semi-cutesy fairy-tale feel and depictions of horrific abuse, and the effect is somewhat jarring. I enjoyed its use of historical details, though, and I liked the heroine a lot.

Beware, Princess Elizabeth by Carolyn Meyer (2002): In this historical YA novel, Elizabeth I narrates several incidents in her life from cradle to throne, focusing on all the times that her half-sister Mary came super-close to having her executed. Although I found the structure of the novel somewhat choppy, I really liked the portrayal of Elizabeth’s complicated relationships with her pious, increasingly suspicious half-siblings, plus the plot had plenty of action. 

Doomed Queen Anne by Carolyn Meyer (2001): In another installment of Meyer’s Young Royals series, Anne Boleyn explains her journey from awkward child to unconventional, controversial courtier to VICTIM OF TOTAL RAILROADING. This novel was even choppier than Beware, Princess Elizabeth, mostly because Elizabeth’s story is better-suited to the episodic plot structure, but I have to say I love this portrayal of Anne Boleyn as much as (if not more than) I did at twelve. Her motivations aren’t high-minded or altruistic, but she’s got feelings, damn it, and she has a right to fight against being treated like shit! Also, Meyer gives her a sixth finger on one hand, which was probably not the case historically, but it’s cool that Anne is portrayed sympathetically while also having a body that’s stigmatized by society.

Trapped at the Altar by Jane Feather (2014): In the early 1680s, Catholic Lady Ariadne Daunt and Protestant Sir Ivor Chalfont live in Daunt Valley, a makeshift community of loosely related lawless aristocrats who lost their lands in the English Civil War. Ariadne and Ivor are force to wed by the community “elders,” who hope to send them to the royal court as a religiously flexible power couple. This already-tense situation is made more awkward by the fact that Ariadne is in love with another man, while Ivor is in love with Ariadne. This novel is part of a small subset of romances that would be better as historical fiction. I loved the unique (albeit nightmarish) setting of Daunt Valley, the exciting journey to London, and the well-portrayed court intrigue. I even quite liked Ariadne. However, Ivor was such a shit. Ariadne is upfront with him about her love for another, but, because Ivor “loves” her, he acts like she’s morally obligated to go along with the whole thing. He never really forgives her for not being a virgin on their wedding night, and his reaction when he finds out she’s been using birth control is bloodcurdling. Also, Feather throws away an interesting dynamic where Ariadne has genuine feelings for two complex men in favor of making Ivor’s rival a creepy stalker (but also an embarrassingly ineffectual sissy). 

Sun and Moon, Ice and Snow by Jessica Day George (2008): A  nameless Norwegian girl who can talk to animals agrees to live with an enchanted polar bear for one year in exchange for her family’s deliverance from poverty, secretly hoping to find the answer to her beloved brother’s sadness as well. She finds herself way in over her head, though, with a curse that goes back centuries or longer. I enjoyed this retelling of “East of the Sun, West of the Moon,” and I thought a lot of the concepts were really clever (hint: this is neither the first girl nor the first polar bear). In execution, though, I didn’t like it as much as Edith Pattou’s retelling, East, which has a stronger sense of place and better-developed minor characters.

Storm by Donna Jo Napoli (2014): Sebah, a sixteen-year-old Canaanite girl, loses her home, her family, and her entire way of life in a sudden deluge that drowns the whole world...almost. After weeks of surviving in trees and on rafts, she manages to stow away on Noah’s Ark, where she rooms with some bonobos and learns way too much about Ham’s marital problems. I thought this was a very creative book with some delightfully weird earthiness, but it becomes somewhat static once Sebah boards the ark and meets a character who kills too much of the tension.

At the Queen’s Summons by Susan Wiggs (2009 update of 1995 original): Pippa, a street performer in Elizabethan England, claims the patronage of Aidan O Donoghue, a minor Irish king, in order to save herself from arrest. Aidan, a goodhearted fellow, goes along with it. This was a pleasant story, but I can remember almost nothing about it. I love Susan Wiggs, but her Tudor Rose trilogy is kind of a snore.