#and like i lie all the time on the internet cause i was taught to be very careful with personal info
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sevenangrybees · 5 days ago
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Biggest Nonbinary Sigh
So as a triangle should I go for the square or circular door??
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furryprovocateur · 11 months ago
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a natural, inevitable consequence of the rise of therapyspeak is that it teaches us to be more selfish and self-centered in our relationships. article after article, tweet after tweet will say things like "if your friend is traumadumping to you, it's okay to ignore them" or "ghosting someone you made plans with is okay if you felt anxious about it", which, while maybe beneficial to one side of that equation, will ultimately greatly burn the other side and likely result in relationship deterioration. so much of the emphasis has been placed on understanding the self, what emotions we experience, and what situations cause these emotions that we've lost sight of the world around us. we forget to ask things like "oh, my friend is traumadumping, they probably just experienced something really bad and need someone to console them" or "[person] was probably really looking forward to going out with me, i should communicate with them".
this is part of the reason i hated that one post that was like "therapyspeak isn't ruining us, it's just enabling selfish people to be more manipulative" or whatever. unless you think people have always been this level of selfish and borderline callous due to their self-centered nature, it really fails to explain the unique rise of rational adults suddenly becoming indifferent to the wants/needs of those they care about. therapyspeak has taught people that their emotions supersede the emotions of those around them, and we need to resolve our emotional conflicts without doing the icky stuff like confrontation, communication, vocalizing and naming boundaries, etc. why should you have a difficult talk with your bestie about how you feel terrible that their wedding is reminding you of your own personal loneliness and amplifying your depression? why not instead just ghost them, not show up to the wedding, and leave them wondering as to why you suddenly vanished from their life with no warning and were apathetic to one of the most important moments of their life? your emotional wants and needs are more important after all, and you shouldn't even have to consider how someone else in your life would feel in response to your actions.
here, i'll give a personal anecdote as to what i mean. there was an online friend i knew for about six months who i had a good friendship with. out of the blue, without any warning, i was blocked by him, kicked out of his discord server, and given no explanation as to what the reason was. i actually had to text his number and ask "hey, did you do this intentionally? if you did, why?" to get a response. and this response was a long text using therapyspeak-esque logic of "well you and [mutual friend] played a joke on me and you know i'm extremely gullible (this had never been communicated to me btw) so it really hurt my feelings so i chose to prioritize my own feelings and end our relationship". you might be saying "oh wow, well that's just how internet friendships go sometimes" but this was someone who had flown to my house and even admitted to having a crush on me at one point. this was someone who arguably was more invested in our relationship than i was. when did we get to this point? the offense i had committed was. . . lying about being a user on a forum and telling a mutual friend to go along with the lie if asked. and it was only brought up once.
i don't want to diminish the potential harm and pain that my actions caused, but, at the same time, i want to highlight that every reasonable adult out there could likely deduce that this perceived harm would greatly be outweighed by the investment in this relationship and also how much this person seemingly cared about me. and, instead of taking the very reasonable option of doing any of the following: addressing this with me and asking for some type of acknowledgement of harm and subsequent apology, communication of personal boundaries to avoid future harm, informing me of my wrongdoing and still continuing to terminate the relationship, i got ghosted. you could say i wasn't owed any type of explanation, and, maybe, just maybe, you're right. but at the same time, it's emotionally harmful to have someone do that to you. immediately after realizing what had occurred and why, i felt extremely disposable in my friendship with that person, as if i had never truly mattered to them and instead had just been a concept for them to idealize, only to be thrown away when i failed to meet these impossible standards. moreover, it's just generally very bad socialization to be so incapable and unwilling to assert yourself and engage in confrontation with your friends that it's going to likely be a constant issue.
this anecdote is a microcosm of the greater problem i see with socializing in the modern age. with how easy it is to remove people from our lives with no explanation, it suddenly becomes the more tempting option when choosing between that and confrontation, boundary talk, and other interpersonal intimacy topics. and i don't want to say that everyone is obligated to your time and energy or that there's never a warranted block w/no notification (i've done this before in fact!). it's just that culturally, we're becoming more and more self-interested and less invested in the wants/needs of those around us, stranger or friend. by telling ourselves that we owe no one anything, we don't hold ourselves accountable to the social obligations of checking in our friends every now and then ("i don't believe in friendship degradation!" that isn't how the real world works), making sure we communicate when we need certain things from them, and when we need to have conversations about things that are bothering us. we choose instead to prioritize the self, and in that, we lose sight of the world around us.
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oblivions-dawn · 1 year ago
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1, 6 and 10 for the choose violence asks?
Straight for the gut huh KLJSGKJDKLGJDFG
✑ The character everyone gets wrong
Am I allowed to pick my own character?? Because it's Vigdis every fucking time. There is more to her than surface-level 'Oh she's such a bitch and asshole what the fuck' she's a traumatised human being, which leads her to have a very complex and complicated and COLD personality. I daresay you wouldn't exactly be cheerful if your dad died in front of your eyes and you, for some reason, survived. Everyone copes with trauma differently, in both healthy and unhealthy ways. And for Vigdis? It's all she knows because no one taught her any better, no one tried to genuinely help her--nothing. I just get so annoyed when she's accused of being things that she, frankly, fucking isn't. She's human, she's not the hero, she's flawed. That's her entire fucking purpose and I'm going to keep it that way. Shout out to the people that can see what I'm trying to achieve in Vigdis as a character, though. I love all of you and give you platonic kisses on the head <3
✑ Which ship fans are the most annoying?
There are ships that I dislike, but that doesn't mean the people that like them are necessarily annoying. They just aren't for me and I don't interact with that content. It's that simple ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
✑ Worst part of fanon
. . . Mmmm. I'm going to get some backlash for what I'm about to say. Because I don't know how to pick something else or lie through my teeth on the internet. The popular belief that Serana's trauma caused her to become some form of asexual. I hate it. There. I said it. It's a disservice to those of us who have experienced sexual trauma, as well as those that truly do identify as asexual one way or another, in my opinion. Serana should be allowed to bounce back from the degrading ritual of Molag Bal and experience sexual experiences in a happy and healthy manner with someone she trusts and loves. It's trauma, yes. But she deserves to heal from it like anyone else when she's ready to. She deserves that. Vampirism or not, she's still only human, too.
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aibidil · 1 year ago
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I met a new doctor the other day and he asked me if I'd ever been active on patient support groups. I was like, "Actually, no. I have for other conditions, but not for this, because I never felt I needed support."
For my pituitary issue,
there are objective metrics for diagnosis and management
no doctor has ever dismissed or downplayed a concern I've raised
doctors have almost always given good advice
the one time I had a bad doctor, I was able to navigate the situation easily with basic medical research ("From what I've found, the best practice is...")
No one (myself, doctors, family members) has ever second-guessed my diagnosis
Why would I need a online support group?
Contrast that with ADHD, POTS, hEDS, low ferritin, dyslexia (slightly different bc it's educators not doctors, but same thing otherwise), and encopresis (all of which I've figured out largely through internet support groups as patient or parent-of-patient):
doctors know very little, were taught incorrect information in medical school, or are bizarrely resistant to certain treatments (eg enemas: I have a lot of thoughts on the homophobia of that one, but that's another post)
my concerns are routinely dismissed
my concerns are brushed off as being caused by something else (anxiety, overweight, etc)
I'm told symptoms will resolve on their own if I'm patient
doctors' advice is either unhelpful or harmful, so I have to turn to peer advice that is helpful and, to protect their egos, lie to my doctors about what action I'm taking
doctors either push pharmaceutical solutions when they're not yet indicated (ie prescribing PPIs before trying nutrition changes to manage pediatric reflux) or resist pharmaceutical solutions when they are indicated (ADHD meds are some of the most researched and evidence-supported prescription drugs)
doctors misinterpret the significance of "normal" ranges of bloodwork results where normal is population average not a range to indicate health (this is common with ferritin, thyroid)
So yeah, it was nice to remember that I truly don't turn to online peer medical support if I don't have to. If I have a medical condition that they actually take seriously and manage well, I am more than happy to hand over the reins, trust what they say, and literally never think about it at all.
I have NO desire to make medical conditions part of my life's work and identity. This only ends up happening because doing the deep dive and figuring it all out myself is often the only way any solutions are found. So when doctors get pissy because patients are learning about things on tiktok or on Facebook support groups, what they should really be doing is asking why on earth people would need to resort to getting their medical information through these channels instead of by asking their doctors.
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asaltysquid · 4 months ago
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Yep. Was taught the earth was 10,000 years old and that the flood in the Noah's ark story is what caused the great extinction act of the dinosaurs. (I was one of the lucky ones. My buddy grew up being taught that dinosaurs were a conspiracy theory by the government to disprove God.) But literally any time anything about dinosaurs or just earth science in general came on my mother would mock it. I can still hear her voice and the way she'd sneer "millions and millions of year ago" like the program was personally spitting in her food. The disdain for science and questioning that evangelicals have is incredibly dangerous and curiosity is seen as rebellion. I remember debating this one kid I was in a homeschool group with and he literally didn't believe that the Bible could be misprinted...because and I quote "the Bible promises to never lie to us". Even with evidence he was unwilling to even consider human error or bias in printing and translation.
A lot of online Leftists have very little tolerance for people they deem as "stupid" or "uncurious". To them ineptitude and lack of ability to research for yourself is a moral failure.
But I cannot emphasize enough how much being raised like this fucks you up. Critical thinking is a learned skill that for some people is literally beaten out of them. They want children as dumb and innocent as possible. I was barely allowed on the Internet because the idea of me being able to fact check was seen as incredibly dangerous. Critical thinking is mocked and belittled. Asking the wrong questions can get you kicked out, shunned, or berated.
And you know what's fucked up? Yes I was homeschooled my entire life but all the materials I was taught were approved by the state. They're aware of what's being forcefed down kids' throats and I think this becomes a wider US education system issue. People who don't know how to question are a lot easier to radicalize/use/fuck over than people who do. With the way the US has been headed in the last decade, this type of evangelical curriculum and lack of general education reform goes hand in hand with their end goals.
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y’all I CANNOT
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northwest-cryptid · 4 months ago
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honestly, I'm not sure if it's a great response to the whole "normalised lack of privacy" thing but, I've learned to treat the web like the fair folk and its done quite well for me.
May you have my pronouns? no, they're mine fuck off.
I don't necessarily think you're in the wrong for that if I'm to be honest. Though I think the big thing for me is that we've sort of normalized this general lack of boundaries and 180'd on the entire idea of protecting your identity. Which is primarily what bothers me so much. Like if someone wants to get to know me and they're like "hey I don't know how to refer to you in a respectful manner and I don't wanna assume" sure that's fine whatever right?
But then you also have people who are like "if you don't have your pronouns listed I'm going to assume you're some right winger who thinks pronouns are dumb" and I just... what?
When I was young (unfortunately a long time ago) there was literally classes in school where we were taught a lot of shit about internet safety, and I think he problem that caused is that it kinda backfired, like people will talk a lot about pronouns and the like and I think that's honestly such a point of like... non-issue in the grand scheme for me.
Because here's the thing, we were taught in elementary school that you essentially shouldn't give away your personal information online. Online was a place for you to exist by an alias, you were not you; you were whoever you wanted to be. But you never were to give out your information, the problem was they taught this in the most cliche kind of way...
"What if that cool kid you're talking to is ACTUALLY AN OLD MAN!"
Which is cool (<- Sarcasm) because it absolutely reinforces the idea that: - Old people are somehow inherently predatory to young people, so remember young people NEVER BEFRIEND PEOPLE OLDER THAN YOU! - Men are dangerous because old women would NEVER be a predator, only OLD MEN!
Aside from the general problems with this listed above, it was generally a good practice for ESPECIALLY young kids in elementary school. However this idea that people online were all fakes that were lying to you was really funny because it just wasn't true about 90% of the time. Were there absolutely predators on the web? Yes of course! Is it good to teach children they might encounter a predator? Yes of course! The problem however was basically that this amounted to teaching the kids that everyone online was lying to them, something they wouldn't believe after the first like 15 people they run into are actually just... exactly who they say they were more or less.
Like sure "xXBloodKiller93Xx" isn't ACTUALLY a thousand year old vampire in the body of a 16 year old emo guy who listens to Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance... but he IS actually a 16 year old emo guy who listens to Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance... and let's be honest, unless you were like 6 you probably didn't believe the vampire bit anyways.
So after you've encountered like 30 of these cases the one time the 12 year old who talks like a 30 year old, but is a little too on the nose about how they type like a kid and doesn't actually know what's cool with the kids... well they just kinda seem like a weird kid you don't really want to hang out with anyways because they're not really fun to talk to. Ironically most minors I knew when I was a minor were actually into older people anyways and were more likely to fall victim to predators who were older and didn't lie about it; I know this from experience since I was groomed by a woman from the US Navy who was literally like 25 when I was only like 15-16 and got offended because I felt uncomfortable getting naked on skype video calls with her. She never lied to me about who or what she was and when I was young it was cool to have a hot navy girlfriend who would do sexy stuff with you online. So unfortunately groomers didn't have to actually work hard the way many many schools and media taught us they would. They could just kinda walk up to horny young kids who didn't know better and say "hey I'm a hot older person who will do sexy stuff with you" and many of us were like "oh shit fr?!" Except we didn't talk like that.
Anyways my point with all of this is that school and media hammered this teaching into our brains that we need to watch out for predators pretending to be kids, pretending to be one of us. Only predators didn't do that, and despite the fact that you could be literally anyone online many people just chose to openly be themself. Which as you can imagine lead to a lot of that "the kid you're talking to is ACTUALLY a predatory adult" teaching feeling really cliche and dumb and by proxy we began to ignore more and more of the safety shit taught to us because it wasn't applicable to the real world.
Then Facebook happened :D
As soon as the centralized web hit a lot of advertisers understood they could finally collect a lot of data on what people were doing and advertise to them directly in ways that were actually profitable because if they know you were just at the apple store, and they see you've been posting about wanting the new iphone; then they can market apple products to you knowing you're actually an apple customer who is more likely to actually act on buying that product.
However advertisers don't just have access to your data like that; because that data doesn't belong to the public, it belongs to people like Facebook, who make money off selling that data to people who want to throw ads at you.
But here's the thing... if you're trying to advertise to people, you need them to be real with you because you can't very well advertise to a dude who is claiming to be a 50 year old vampire when he's actually a 16 year old. If he's talking about his swords and guns and how much he loves being in the military, you're gonna think you can sell him swords and guns and military stuff. Truth is however he's literally just a 15 year old edgelord who plays COD and doesn't have the money nor the legal ability to purchase any of what you're trying to sell him.
This is why Facebook started to crack down on accounts with fake names, which is hilarious by the way because believe it or not as a Native American many of my family members couldn't use facebook without creating a fake name because we don't actually have last names and Facebook thought our names were fake or made up. Fun little bit of racism right there.
But now people are being incentivized to be honest about who they were online. Gone are the days where we could use an online handle and a profile picture of something we like or an anime character to be anonymous online. Now more and more of the people using the internet are people who came in during the era of the centralized web, they have no idea why someone would bother to hide their information.
Which is hilarious for a lot of reasons due to things like the purity culture of the centralized web which I've spoke on a few times on forums and the like but not really ever gone too in depth about here.
Essentially now you have this really funny sort of culture where everyone thinks any honest and good person would have nothing to hide, so the idea of using an alias and not giving out literally ALL your information must mean by process of elimination that you DO have something to hide and therefore we use fear of social consequence to enforce behavior. We actually do that a lot here on tumblr as well and it's really stupid and annoying, because we'll never actually have real progress unless we're able to determine flaws in our philosophy and fix those flaws. However I digress, my point is that this has become the norm to such a degree where now it's almost viewed as childish or unprofessional to use an alias.
Which is also really stupid because until the centralized web came around being professional online was kind of a joke, typically the only real professionals online weren't occupying spaces like social media.
the tl;dr is that the one deviation of the norm became the new norm and with it came a culture that enforces the norm through social consequences and as a result even new users of the web or younger people are picking up these habits of the culture which is honestly not great since the original point of that sort of teaching of the culture was to literally keep young people safe. Now they list not just all their personal info about where they live, how old they are, what their pronouns are, what their likes and dislikes are; what fandoms they are in, but also their damn triggers? Like If you want to hurt someone you know exactly how, when, and where to do so.
Anyways I have a lot of thoughts about this but I literally just woke up not too long ago and barely finished my coffee so my brain isn't necessarily kicking into high gear to write comprehensive essays on the subject.
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stephenjaymorrisblog · 1 year ago
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Chud Sciamachy
(How to Scare the Public for Fun and Profit)
Stephen Jay Morris
8/28/23
©Scientific Morality
Question: Is scaring the public at large efficacious? Short answer: Sometimes. Long answer: If it’s done in a lubricious matter, one might get away with it. If done it in a bloviating manner, it ain’t gonna work. Not only is propaganda a science, it’s also an art! How do you know when it’s propaganda? When it’s called “educational.” Critical thinking demands that most political statements—Left or Right—are initially perceived as dog shit. You must qualify and cite your source before expecting such rhetoric to be accepted as factual.
Tergiversation requires your credibility’s efficacy. Plus, your sincerity. If you don’t apply your advocacy to your cause, then you are lost.
There are two notable perceptions in this country. The first one being that a home grown cynic is a personality type. The so-called American cynic has seen and heard everything in their life. For, one, they know that the main function of capitalism is to sweet talk Americans out of their money. They know that politicians—Left or Right,—businessmen, or any church pastor are out to rip you off. Such types are either apathetic or just angry losers. The second is that of the enabler. Those who are authority dependent. Docility is their personality type. They grew up imitating their parents. Not only did their parents demand allegiance to their authority, but they were taught to fear all authority. For them, if someone sounds like they know it all, they are that cult’s next follower.
Indeed, there are many different personality types, just like there are many Leftist ideologies competing in the political spectrum. If you want people to have a monolithic belief system, then you must resort to fear-mongering, like the Right does. People like me don’t have to proselytize because I believe people should think for themselves.
The Chuds lack acumen. They are so narcissistic that they think everybody is like them. Some of them are like fearful children and believe evil resides on the Left. But, thanks to objective reality, they are a minority in this country. Most of them are part of the religious Right. As such, when fear degenerates into terror, a cult emerges.
At this moment in time, the Christian nationalists are over-reacting to reports that another Covid variant is returning, and the government is going to mandate precautionary measures, like wearing masks and being in lockdowns. They see themselves as Patrick Henry, delivering dramatic speeches as they pop off some crappy video they recorded with their cellphones. I’ve heard historic vows re-stated as, “You will have to take my life before I wear a mask.” You know something, Patrick? As the old saying goes: “Don’t threaten me with a good time!” I’m sure the evil government feels the same way.
That is the way the religious Right wing propagandizes. A few months ago, there was a report released on findings that gas stove emissions were causing children to have Asthma attacks. All of a sudden, they were spewing hysterical reports that the government was going to confiscate everyone’s gas stoves! They are still touting that lie.
These merchants of fear are polluting the Internet and news media with this bull crap. Never mind that, globally, we are experiencing extreme weather events due to the climate crisis, or that the U.S. might have another great depression. No. What we are given to worry about is a man dressing up like a woman, reading fairy tales to children, or Disney movies that are “woke.”  Exacerbating all of this is that the news media the Right despises is the very vehicle spreading this tripe! And why is that? Because it’s sensationalistic. It’s yellow journalism at it’s worse! It makes money! Is that justifiable? I think not.
Believe me, now or later, if you heard Antiauthoritarian Left propaganda, it would be factual, and its sources fully disclosed. We never speak for God because most of us don’t believe in God. Now, among the liberal Left, propaganda is elicited by establishment politicians; they lie also. However, Conservative politicians lie more.
Thank objective reality that most Americans are apathetic. They don’t listen to anything remotely political because they have been lied to so many times. Apathy will be the last line of defense. We, on the Left, can just focus on organizing the people to revolution, while the political Right takes on the so-called deep state. Good luck, shitheads! I will be on my lawn chair eating popcorn, as I watch all of you die in a fusillade of government-issued bullets hitting your body before you can even pull the trigger of your AR15. Your civil war will be glorious entertainment and must-see T.V. The counter-revolution will be televised!
Just kidding. Hee-Hee!
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fangurk · 3 years ago
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Save Me From The Cold Hands of Death (Leah Clearwater x Fem! Reader)
Key:
Y/n - Your Name
Y/l/n - Your Last Name
Y/h/c - Your Hair Color
Y/e/c - Your Eye Color
Prompt (requested by anon): Leah saves f reader from a grizzly attack?
Reader Gender: Female (She/Her/Hers)
Summary: They say that you feel cold when you're dying. The reader finds out how true that is when she's attacked by a sick bear unprovoked, but lucky for her a big wolf jumps out of the woods just in time to save her.
Warning(s): violence, blood, injury, i get my medical knowledge from the internet, slight angst, fluff in the end.
A/n: I had to re-watch the one scene from Brave like six or seven times.
Idk when it became me talking about temperatures so much but I'll accept it ig.
hi, this fic is about a character who's meant to be Quileute. st*phanie m*yer completely bastardized the people's legends and they don't even really make money off it-- and they're in dire need of funding right now. if you can afford to, please consider checking out the higher ground project here and donating something.
Word Count: 1200+
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The woods surrounding Forks and La Push are dangerous.
Or, at least, that's something that your girlfriend and her friends have led you to believe. Time and time again, the shapeshifters have cautioned you all about what dangers lie lurking in the darkness between the trees— told you about the cold ones and the upcoming battle that the Cullens were training them for. So that's what you were wary of, trekking into the woods that morning to gather some berries for Emily, an extraordinarily strong human being with stone-like skin and red eyes.
Not this.
Growing up, you were always taught that bears mean no harm to humans. That they, if anything, want to avoid humans in most cases and that, if you happen to encounter one, keeping your distance is just the way to go.
Apparently, this bear didn't get the memo.
It's a huge creature with matted, brown fur and amber eyes— a grizzly, you think, though that's far from important right now. Drooling, it makes a woofing sound and pops its jaw, moving its head back and forth as it charges at you. Following years of protocol, you back away from it, but it keeps following you, and that's when you realize something is wrong.
You also happen to realize just a moment too late.
The bear rears up on its hind legs and lets out a mighty roar, causing a chill of fear to shoot up your spine. Without really meaning to, you start running, but you only make it a few feet before getting a heavy strike gets you in the middle of the back and sends you sprawling.
When you reach up to touch your forehead, your fingers come back bloody.
"Shit!"
Between the head injury and the adrenaline pumping through your veins, you don't really feel the claws or teeth digging through your skin and into your muscle. You feel the blood, though; warm and sticky as it seeps out of you.
Still, as warm as it is, you’re cold. So cold.
Is this what dying feels like? Are you dying?
Loud, strangled sounds leave your mouth as you weakly try to fend off against the creature.
As you start to lose consciousness, eyes fluttering open and closed, another, equally large figure bursts from the bushes and tackles the bear. There are sounds of a struggle, inhuman yelps and growls filling in the silence between thumps and the cracking of wood under extreme pressure. Your eyes close again, and when you open them your girlfriend, Leah, is standing over you, naked as the day she was born and covered in blood.
She must've been your savior.
Her hand— feverishly hot— cups your face, and her touch tingles like she’s burning your clammy skin.
"Y/N?" She sounds like she's underwater. "Y/N!?"
“Leahhhhh.”
Is that your voice?
The words come out slurred, and your surroundings stretch and distort as if refracted through murky glass. Leah looks up to call for help.
“I th-think I’m going ‘nto sh-sh-” You swallow, chattering teeth making it nearly impossible to speak. “sh-shh-shock!”
Darkness seeps into the edges of your vision. All the things around you fade until all you can see is Leah’s terrified face, maybe a foot above your head; her mouth moves, but even sound is distorted now. Your eyes roll back, and your body starts to go limp.
“Fuck!” Swears someone from your right, more burning hot hands touching you.
The last thing you remember thinking is that, maybe, the voice belongs to Paul.
─────────────────
Regaining consciousness feels like drowning in oatmeal.
You fight to drag yourself to the surface, toward the light and warmth and familiar voices. They’re muffled, and you know most of them, but you can’t make sense of what they’re saying.
“She’s going to have to be careful these next few weeks. Any strenuous movements can displace the sutures I’ve put in place, more specifically the ones in her back and legs. Those will have to be in for upwards of eight weeks, but the ones in the head laceration can be taken out in about six.”
The person speaking leans over you. They’re cold.
“There’ll be major scarring, that’s certain, so she’ll have to be made aware of that.”
There’s a pause, and then Leah’s warbling voice breaks the silence.
“When will she wake up?”
“Soon.” The unfamiliar voice hums, no longer leaning over you. “I want to keep her for a few days, document her progress, but then she should be free to go— so long as she goes to physical therapy and doesn’t exert herself, she’ll make a speedy recovery.”
Leah doesn’t respond verbally. You crack an eye open, trying to take in your surroundings surreptitiously.
“It seems I might’ve been more on the nose than I thought.” The voice belongs to a blond man with golden eyes. “Welcome back, Ms. Y/L/N. You’ve been in a terrible accident.”
Not surreptitiously enough.
You open your eyes fully and look up at the fuzzy outline of the doctor as he stands over you. Leah’s hand takes yours.
“Do you remember what happened?” He flashes a light in your eyes, watching your pupils react.
You’re in a hospital room, haloed by beeping machines, and it’s absolutely freezing. Leah sits in the chair next to your bed and watches you with worried eyes.
“Uh, there was a bear.” You clear your throat, which is incredibly dry. “And it was acting weird.”
“Mhm— squeeze my fingers for me, as hard as you can.”
You squeeze his fingers with your free hand, eyebrows furrowing at how strange they feel. Is this one of the Cullens?
“I tried to avoid it, but it followed me, and, when I ran, it attacked me.” You pause to do his next instruction. “And then I was on the floor, and it was dead.”
“Well, that certainly lines up with what everyone else says.”
There’s a twinkle in the doctor’s strange eyes, and he finishes his work up without engaging you any further. As soon as he’s gone, parting with an ‘I’ll give you some privacy’, Leah jumps up from her seat, hands holding your face so gently that you might forget she’s got supernatural strength.
“I thought you were dead.” She sniffles. “How could you be so stupid?”
And you crack a smile anyway. “In my defense, a bear with rabies wasn’t on my ‘to expect’ list.”
For a moment Leah just stands there, staring at you like you’ve got three heads and she’s going to rip two of them off, before she shakes her head, her lips betraying her and twitching upward at the corners.
“I got mauled by a bear.”
Your voice is all spacey, from the painkillers or the sheer insanity of the situation you don’t know, and she brushes her thumbs on your cheekbones.
“You did…”
“That’s…”
You start to laugh, and laughing makes you cough, and coughing makes you hurt.
“Hey, hey, hey… take it easy.”
Leah gives you some water, hand under your chin to catch any that might dribble. You make a face at her as she does, and she narrows her eyes back at you.
You lost that silent argument.
“It’s cold.” You comment, sounding like a whiny little kid.
She snorts softly and, with a strange grace, crawls into bed with you, encompassing you in her strong arms. Leah pets your hair and hums softly, whispering sweet things to you.
You’re warm now. So very warm.
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katyasrussianaccent · 4 years ago
Text
you’re so golden (corpse x reader)
Summary: You’re a faceless youtuber that sings cover songs. What happens when a certain faceless streamer slides into your DMs after you cover one of his songs?
Authors note: Part 3 whoop! I havent written fic in 3 years so Im hoping this is okay. Its about 4000 words, super long, sorry. I also dont play Among Us, but hopefully its not too obvious. Lemme know what you think!
You're nervous, though you aren’t quite sure why. The kind of nervousness that spreads to your feet, causing you to tap your toes against the side of your sofa.
Call you in 15. 
You look at the message again, staring at it till the screen goes blurry. Rubbing your eyes you exhale into the emptiness of your apartment; a feeble attempt at calming yourself down.
Logically it’s stupid to be nervous over a phone call. Logically you know that in the grand scheme of the universe, there are bigger things at hand. But you’re not a logical person, never have been. You’re all heart and emotion, both a blessing and a curse. There’s something intimate about a phone call, to have nothing but someone’s voice on the other end of the phone, talking to you and only you. It was a little scary; to think your purely online friendship with Corpse was going to be taken to a different level. You’re excited to think what that could mean.
“Fucking get it together,” you mutter to no-one as you exhale again, because there’s nothing else to do other than to wait and try to breath. There’s this frantic energy about you; like when you eat fizzy sweets, the flavour buzzing on your tongue. Your ancestors used to hunt wolves and here you were nervous over a single phone call.
The silence in your apartment’s too much now; too noisy. You grab your TV remote, clicking onto Spotify to find something. You’re scrolling so much, none of the artists feeling quite right for the moment before settling on Sufjan Stevens.
The dulcet tones fill the space, and for a brief second, you feel fine. You’re feeling relaxed and then your phone lights up.
Incoming Facetime Audio
“Fuckfuckfuckfuck” you say. Your face feels warm, your heart quickens in your chest. You could just ignore it, say you’re not feeling too good and that would be that, you wouldn’t have to do this. But it’s Corpse, you like Corpse and you’re kind of friends.
You swipe to accept the call, and press the button for speaker. 
“Hey,” you say, cringing at the meek tone your voice has taken on.
“Hey,” Corpse’s deep voice rumbles through your tiny speaker, distorting slightly and you press the volume button to turn it down a little.
There’s a beat of silence, a beat too long, and you already hate how awkward this is. You’re not great at social stuff, the concept of being a social butterfly is almost foreign to you. And it’s not because you dislike people, it’s just you hate this; the small talk, the awkwardness before you get comfortable and can hold an actual conversation.
You suddenly remember a tip from your customer service days. “How are you?” you ask, plastering on a grin so wide that it must look borderline demented. Thank god you’re single. 
“I’m okay thanks, how are you?” he asks.
You lounge back against the soft cushions of the sofa, lifting the phone up to your mouth as you do so. “I’m good, excited to be taught by the Among Us master.”
He snorts in disdain. “Hardly a master.” 
You chew your lip before you speak again, “I dunno, people on the internet think you’re pretty good.”
He snorts again, and you smile at the sound. It’s not something you’ve heard from him before, through your hours of watching his streams, you’ve become accustomed to his voice and the noises he makes. But this one seems to be new. And maybe it’s the weird, selfish part of you that likes to think he’s only ever made that sound for you. You shake the thought out of your head, because really? Getting happy over a snort is really such a ridiculous thing to do. 
“People on the internet say a lot of things.”
“True, but sometimes they speak the truth,” you reply, moving to get more comfortable; tucking your feet under your thighs. You wonder what he’s doing right now as he talks to you, is he sitting down? Or is he lying on his bed; his head propped up with pillows? There’s a brief flash of yearning, of wanting to be there in the same room as him, but it disappears as quickly as it appeared so you ignore it.
“Hm. We’ll agree to disagree.”
“Okay, you’re the boss Mr Husband.”
He chuckles softly, and again, you smile. You can feel yourself getting annoyed with yourself; you’re acting like a child with a crush; smiling at the phone. All you needed now was a notebook that had Mrs YN Husband written all over it.
“You know if you keep calling me that, we’re gonna have to get married,” he says, his voice a little lower than it was before. You blink and cock your head to the side, looking at an imaginary camera like you’re in The Office. Did you say that out loud? Is he...flirting with you? Sure, you’re flirty over Twitter, but it’s Twitter, Twitter isn’t real. There’s a fluttery feeling in your stomach at the mere prospect that he might actually be flirting with you.
“I’d be the best wife you could ever get,” you shoot back. There’s a brief second of silence before he answers, and you can hear shuffling on the other end. You want to ask what he’s doing, but you know it would break the conversation, and you’re curious to see where this goes.
“Oh really? And why’s that?” he asks, and you can picture the smirk in his voice. You have no idea what he looks like, no real care about it either, but you bet he’s got a beautiful smile. You bite your tongue before it tells him this, for once your brain actually works and stops you from making a fool out of yourself. It’s incredibly strange, how quickly he puts you at ease without a try, he’s just so naturally comforting. He’s not this flashy persona, he’s just a guy who likes to play video games and happens to be kinda good at them. And also has a voice that is literally like chocolate. Not just chocolate; dark chocolate. If dark chocolate could talk, it would sound like Corpse.
“Cos your girl can cook,” you say proudly, puffing out your chest a little. And that’s not a lie, you can cook. Okay, you’re not a Michelin starred chef, but you feel quite confident in the fact that Gordon Ramsey could eat your food, and probably (hopefully) wouldn’t scream that it was “fucking raw”. 
“And what would you cook for me?” he asks. 
You hum in thought for a second. “You’ll have to marry me first to find that out.”
He laughs, a proper laugh that settles in your stomach, spreading warmth through your chest. “I’ll think about it. I can hear music, what are you listening to?”
You straighten up a little, the question catching you off guard. You bite the inside of your cheek as you look at the song that’s playing. It’s not his type of music, you’re almost positive about that. You almost don’t want to tell him out of embarrassment. You’re not sure why you feel embarrassed; you know Corpse isn’t an asshole, he wouldn’t make fun of you. But music is so personal to you, so personal, it’s like baring a piece of your soul; which sounds so fucking cliche, but it’s true.
“Uhhh...It’s called Make out in My Car by Sufjan Stevens,” you reply.
He hums in affirmation. “It sounds nice; from what I can hear.”
“I can turn it up?” you ask, leaning forward to grab the remote off the coffee table.
“You could always sing some for me,” he offers. 
You laugh a little, scrunching up your nose. “And why would I do that?”
“I thought you wanted to get married. You have to woo me,” he replies.
“Woo you?” you ask, your tone incredulous. This isn’t how you pictured the conversation going.
“Yeah. Woo me, yn.” he says, dragging out the “o” causing you to laugh again.
You sigh dramatically. “I haven’t warmed up or anything, it’s gonna sound so bad” you warn as you put the song to the beginning.
“I’m sure you sound great. Go ahead, woo me.” 
You shake your head as you softly sing. “I'm not trying to go to bed with you, I just wanna make out in my car. And though I'm dying to fall in love with you, I just wanna make out in my car”. You stop and you’re suddenly very aware that you have essentially just serenaded him. Good going, brain.
It’s silent for a beat too long, and the smile that graced your lips starts to fade as the embarrassment starts to set in. 
“Well now we definitely have to get married,” he affirms. And there’s that fluttery feeling again.
You swallow, moving the conversation swiftly onto Among Us. You grab your laptop that was next to you, humming in acknowledgement as he walks you through downloading it. 
“So there’s a few of us joining us tonight, it should be really fun.”
“Oh. It’s not just us two?” you ask. You focus on the download, watching the number increase. You’re nervous at the prospect of playing with other people, strangers, for the first time. 
“No, it’s a 4 player minimum. We’re going to stream as well.”
“Corpse…” you start. You begin to pick at the skin around your nails, a habit you do whenever you get really anxious. This was meant to just be a cute moment where you learnt how to play a game, not a big event where people would be actually watching you, judging your every move.
“We’re going to do a few games off stream with you, you don’t need to be there for the stream after if you don’t want to,” he interrupts. 
“Okay,” you trail off, your teeth biting down on your bottom lip. You feel a little better, but not by much. You didn’t know who the other people were, what if they hated you? You ask this out loud.
“I’ll be there. You know Rae and Sykkuno. Felix, Sean and Toast will be there but they’re super nice, I promise.” His voice is sincere, and it soothes you. You don’t know him, not really know him, but you trust Corpse. You know he has his own struggles, and you believe his promise; he wouldn’t screw you over or put you in a situation you were uncomfortable with.
The rest of the call is him taking you through how to play and how to set up something called Proximity Chat so everyone can talk to each other in the game. He says it’s easier once you actually play, and it doesn’t sound particularly hard quite honestly, you just hope you don’t get imposter on the first try because you’re not the greatest liar. 
The game screen pops up, and you type in the code that Corpse gives you. You say goodbye to Corpse, who tells you to text him if you need any help. You drop into the game lobby, and you look at the little astronaut. There’s no time to dwell as a cacophony of voices hits you.
“YN!” Rae screeches and you chuckle at her enthusiasm. You’ve known Rae for a few years now, you met at college and had become fast friends. Though you had many different interests - gaming for one, you considered her your best friend. Rae was the type of friend where you didn’t need to talk every single day, you could message her a week later and it would be like no time had passed at all. And you loved that, sometimes you just didn’t want to talk to anyone. Sometimes your mood wasn’t the best, and you needed a little time to recharge. And she understood that, something that you were eternally grateful for. 
“Raebies!” you screech back, using your “pet” name for her.
“I’ve been trying to get you to play forever. But Mr Smooth Operator over there slides into your DMs and suddenly you’re a gamer now?”
“It sounds so sordid when you say it like that,” you reply.
“Hi yn! Glad to see you playing with us,” Sykkuno says. You greet him and the others, making sure to say hi to everyone in the game. You didn’t want to start off by being accidentally rude. You listen as everyone talks amongst each other, and you talk when spoken to, but you aren’t interjecting. It wasn’t anything against the other players, it was just a little overwhelming, and you were figuring out what everyone was like.
“Hello,” Corpse’s voice interrupts your train of thought and you greet him along with everyone else. 
“Aw, I wanted purple,” you say, frowning at Corpse’s name above the astronaut.
“We can switch,” he replies.
“No it’s o -” you start to speak before you realise he’s already switched to white. “Thank you, you didn’t have to.” You smile as you switch to purple, and you decide to add a flower for a little pizzazz.
“It’s your first game, I’ll kill you if I get imposter so it’ll even out,” he jokes and everyone laughs. The countdown begins and you puff your cheeks out, exhaling as it gets to 1. You’re nervous again, a seemingly common theme of the night. Your shoulders relax as the word CREWMATE flashes across the screen.
You watch as everyone but Corpse disperses from the cafeteria with haste, and you look at the keyboard to press the buttons to move.
“You ever see an old person text? That’s how I’m picturing you right now,” Corpse says as you walk together to Weapons.
“Shut up Sonny,” you reply in your best old woman voice, getting a laugh. You open up the task, shooting the Asteroids with ease. “Yay, I completed a task!”
“Good job,” Corpse replies, and you beam at the praise. You move down to o2, doing your task while Corpse does his.
“Wait, you could be imposter right? How would I know?” you ask as you walk together to Navigation.
“You wouldn’t, you just have to trust me,” he says, his voice full of charm.
You scowl. “Well that just makes me not want to trust you.” 
Before he replies, there’s a blaring alarm. DEAD BODY REPORTED. You blink at the suddenness; you were really enjoying the relaxing pace of the game. You look at the screen;  Felix has been killed.
“Who found the body?” Corpse asks.
“I did,” Rae answers. “I was in admin, and was going to lower engine and it was there in storage.”
“If you were in admin, why didn’t you go up through Cafeteria?” Toast asks.
“Because it’s quicker to go through storage,” Rae replies. They argue between themselves, and you listen intently and silently. It’s a lot of information, you can’t tell whose lying, but you guess that’s what makes a good player.
“Where were you yn?” Sean quizzes, and it takes you a second to realise you’re being spoken to.
“Oh. I was in um o2?”
“You don’t sound too sure there, pretty sus,” he says. Your face heats up a little, you’re not the imposter, but it feels like you are.
“She was in o2 and then we went to Navigation,” Corpse answers, and you breathe out as he takes on the interrogation.
“Oh you were together?” Rae asks, and you know that tone she’s got. It’s the tone that says she’ll be messaging you right away.
“Well yeah, it’s her first game, I’m not gonna leave her alone,” he says and you smile at that. 
“Yeah we’ve been together the whole time,” you add and it’s left at that. No-one votes anyone out, since no-ones really too suspicious. You carry on the game, and you find yourself really enjoying it, though the questioning part is kind of stressful. You can see why Corpse likes it so much, it’s really fun. You’re in electrical, humming as you do your task when Rae comes next to you. 
“Hey,” you greet her.
“I’m sorry, nothing personal,” she replies. Before you have a chance to say a word, she kills you and you look on in shock as your ghost floats above your body.  You listen into the meeting as Rae continues to lie and plead her case. She’s good, but Corpse knows better.
“Wait, you said you found her in electrical and you were where?” 
“I was in Upper Engine, and then I went to electrical to do my task,” Rae answers, her voice even and calm.
“I was in Lower Engine, and I didn’t see you,” Corpse says, and you grin at the fact Rae’s been found out. That’s what she gets for killing you.
“You were doing your task, I passed right by you,” Rae starts. She pleads her case, but it’s too late and she’s voted out.
“That was so much fun!” you declare. “I can see why you guys play it all the time.”
“Yes! We have converted another!” Felix shouts in victory.
“And all it took was Corpse,” Rae mutters sarcastically.
“Don’t get bitter Rachel, just get better,” you reply, causing the group to laugh.
You get the hang of it after a few games, and find yourself agreeing to stay while the others stream, though you decide against it yourself. You’ve only streamed once by yourself, and it was a very casual affair and you don’t want to feel too much pressure while you enjoy yourself. You know that Corpse gets nervous when he streams and he’s been doing it for so much longer, so you can only imagine how nervous you would be.
You tap your fingernails against the keyboard as the lobby counts down, any previous nerves have been replaced with excitement. 
IMPOSTER flashes across. You’re the only one, your astronaut looks lonely on the screen by itself, and the red letters almost taunt you. 
“Shit,” you mutter as your brain goes into overdrive. What was it Corpse had said before? Not to be too obvious. You don’t kill immediately, instead going at your previous pace to not look too suspicious. You were still fairly new to the game, and you were going to use that to your advantage.
You fake your task in Cafeteria before venting over to Navigation where Toast was.
“Hi Toast!” you greet, coming to stand next to him as you pretend you’re doing the task. 
“Oh hey yn,” he says. It doesn’t seem like he suspects you, and you’re not quite sure when to click the Kill button. You do it anyway before running out and going down and into shields. There’s adrenaline running through you as the dead body’s reported and you crack your knuckles before putting on your game face. You were going to play dumb, play the confused newbie - because to them, that’s what you were. 
“YN, where were you?” Corpse asks. Fuck. Maybe you weren’t going to get away with this.
You twiddle your hair as you draw out your words, playing the role perfectly. “Uhm I was in...shields? I think that’s what it’s called. I was in the cafeteria before that though.”
“Wait, you couldn’t have, I was in weapons. I would have seen you,” Sykkuno says.
You open your mouth to talk. “She could have vented,” Felix comments, and the rest of the group starts to agree.
“Guys, I don’t even know what venting is. I literally just started playing,” you point out, giggling.
“That’s true,” Rae agrees and you knew there was a reason you loved her.
“Bullshit! She’s playing you with her “oh I don’t know how to play” schtick,” Felix proclaims.
“Aw, that’s kind of rude, Felix. I’m just enjoying the game, doing the tasks,” you say, pouting a little. He’s the next on your list. 
Everyone skips the vote and you lean over your laptop, ready for the next round. You were going to win this. You kill Rae and Toast next, and yet again, manage to worm your way out of any suspicion. You can sense that Corpse and Felix are starting to get suspicious of you, and you know you need to bring out the big guns to throw them off.
You catch Sykkuno in Med Bay after checking the cams in Security.
“Hi yn!” he greets, and you almost feel guilty as you kill him. He’s so sweet and innocent, but unfortunately, casualties are a given. You pass Felix as he comes out of reactor and it’s only a matter of time before you’ll have to talk your way out of this one again.
“I passed yn as I came out of reactor,” Felix shouts with a hint of glee.
You roll your eyes; this is going to be tough. “Yeah I came from Upper Engine, I was finishing part 2 of a task.”
“I was in Electrical, where was the body?” Corpse asks.
“Med Bay. And the only one that could’ve been there was yn,” Felix starts.
“Well no, you could have passed me and killed Sykkuno then self reported,” you reply. “I think you can do that right?” 
Corpse hums in agreement. “Oh come on! She’s being really sus,” Felix argues.
“You are being a little sus yn,” Corpse comments.
“Corpse. You don’t really think it’s me do you?” You decide to lower your voice a little, your tone sweet but sultry. “You only taught me like an hour ago, there’s no way I’d be able to fool everybody so quickly.” You get close to the mic so it’s like you’re speaking only to Corpse. “Remember what I said? You’re a master at this.” You’re laying it on thick, and for a brief second you think you’ve been too over the top.
“This is difficult,” Corpse says, and you see the seconds count down, your heartbeat starts to quicken.
“Corpse, stop being a fucking simp and vote her out!” Felix demands.
“Corpsie baby,” you drawl out and you smile in success as you hear him sigh, almost shakily. You’ve got this in the bag. The victory screen flashes up and you cheer.
“Fuck yeah!” you shout, patting yourself on the back. You laugh as you exhale the breath you didn’t know you were holding.
“Good game yn!” Sykkuno comments, the others agreeing.
“Not fair, you used your womanly wiles against Corpse,” Felix says.
“Gotta use them for something. Not my fault Corpse knows where his allegiance lies,” you reply laughing a little.
You stretch, your back crying out in pain from being hunched over so long. You let out a long, loud moan of relief as you straighten your spine, your shoulders relaxing as you move from side to side.
“Your mic’s not muted” Corpse points out, clearing his throat. You feel your stomach drop and your face instantly becomes hot. Shit. 
“Oh. Uh. I totally forgot about that,” you say, forcing out a chuckle. You screw your eyes shut, any happiness has been now replaced by red hot shame. “So this was fun, uh, really fun, but um, I’m gonna, I’m gonna go. So...yeah. Bye guys, have fun!” 
You click to exit without giving anyone a chance to say a word, and drop your head into your hands. 
“Can’t wait to see what they say on Twitter about this,” you mutter into your hands.
TAGLIST (if youre bold, it wont let me tag): @teenageguitarist @fanworrior  @cherry-piee @mirahg  @clara-bee @cookinglovingalien @vir-tual @clubfairy @youretheonlyonewhomakesme @more-like-reyna @boiled-onionrings @moneybagmgk @brendalopez99 @delicateavenuenacho @dreamsofficialwife @hydrate-tion @little-red02 
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the-changelings · 20 days ago
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Disclaimer: all names (not not ages!!) have been changed for privacy.
This is long af so I'm adding a readmore. it's all background info. I haven't even got into the baffling part yet. lmao
relevant characters:
Anna, 23, store manager
Becky, 37, shift manager
Frank, mid-40s, shift manager
Me, 27, assistant manager
Anna has been our store manager for about 2 months. She was hired directly into the position as she has manager experience from her previous job.
Becky and Frank have been with the company for about 6-8 months? I think? it's a bit fuzzy because I had to do most of the training for them while short staffed and also new to my current position (and to full-time work). both of them were hired as managers directly.
I have been with the company for 4 years and know all the systems, policies, and types of people who choose retail jobs pretty well. I started as an associate, then became a manager, and now am essentially the assistant manager of the store. I ran the store for 2 months when our previous store manager quit unexpectedly without finding a replacement.
Our company treats all managers the same in terms of the power structure, except that store managers can access some things other managers cannot (such as the hiring system). Store managers are also expected to do the schedule, but all managers technically have access.
ok. with that out of the way, let me tell you a little more about my coworkers.
Becky is...having some issues. obviously I don't want to completely blast her on the internet, but that's just the truth. I have never met a person who attracts as much drama as this woman. she needs a therapist like 8 years ago- not least so she can drop her no-good ex who causes injuries every time they interact. A customer has accused her of day drinking (apparently it was on her breath), she takes extended lunches frequently because she falls asleep on her couch in the time it takes to microwave her lunch, she has allegedly verbally cursed Anna out on the phone (obvously this can't be proven). She is so anxious about not inconveniencing customers that she rushes through things and makes mistakes that make everything take like 5x longer.
I trained Becky. I know that she knows how to do all the things she needs to do in her department, because I taught her all of them several times. Important to note that she has some disabilities that mean memory takes longer to solidify, and I've been fine working with that. I'm happy to teach the same things over again as long as she is getting better at them!
The trouble is that Becky isn't getting better at them. I know she can count. I know she can do a return, or a warranty swap, I know she can print daily reports. But she doesn't. She asks me where the same parts are every week, and when I tell her, she says "oh yeah, I was gonna say-" or "oh yeah thats what I thought" every time without fail. We have a labeled map of where all the parts are. These are problems she can solve herself, but she either can't or won't and at this point I'm not sure which it is.
Frank has different issues. He always smells vaguely of weed when he comes in, he also never really remembers how to do anything (despite having been shown repeatedly over 6+ months), and getting a hold of him outside his hours is nearly impossible. That last one is mostly fine, by the way, but it is important. If someone doesn't want to be available outside of work hours, they have that right. Can be a bit inconvenient when we are trying to get a shift covered, though.
Allegedly, Frank is a bit of a hothead, though I haven't personally witnessed this either. He apparently cursed out another coworker when they were closing together, in front of customers. As far as I know, no formal complaints were made, and we don't have cameras so there's no proof of this either (the other coworker tends to exaggerate and play the victim, so another layer of complication).
I have seen Frank lie about what services we do and do not provide, what parts we do and do not sell, etc. He won't even check. It's wild. This has improved somewhat over time. I have also seen him approve tills over or short by ridiculous amounts and not even tell anyone. He knows the policy (email one person up to a certain $ amount, email and additional person for any amount higher), but he's only followed policy like twice. again I cannot tell if he can't figure it out or just won't bother.
Anna is quite young, and very new to her position. She is a quick learner, but much like with the others we haven't had the time to dedicate to teaching her everything due to being understaffed at most locations. Another store manager (34 years and counting!) and our district manager have been helping, but can only do so much since they have a lot to keep track of as it is.
The schedule is the main sticking point for most people when it comes to Anna. Our scheduling system is a pain to use and the requirements for each day vary (and often don't actually reflect when we need to have more people). She's doing her best, but everyone has different requests for their schedule, not everyone has accurate availability listed in the program (and either can't or won't fix it), and some people literally will not work with other people.
Anna is also not a huge people person. She does have the typical young woman level of people-pleasing to overcome, but she is blunt and to the point and a bit sassy as well. She is generally confident in her decisions and her previous manager experience is serving her well (at least in my opinion). The other main issue people have with her is the bluntness- some people describe feeling unheard (and thus undervalued) due to her responses to issues, others feel she is bossy and disrespectful. I have not had these issues, but I can also come across in these ways at times, so I think our brains have some similar inner workings.
I have spent a lot of the last 8 months trying to build bridges between my coworkers, by explaining what I'm seeing and trying to refrain issues they have with each other. I have tried to encourage everyone to talk to each other and make an effort to understand each other well enough to at least be polite. I tell them they don't have to be friends, but we do work together and it would really help everyone if they can get along enough to not actively avoid one another or fight.
I appear to have underestimated how difficult this is for people in their 30s+. At least these specific people.
something unsettling is happening at work.
actually it's more frustrating and also baffling, but those two don't go together great imo?
I'm not even sure how to put it into words but I will try. after I grab some lasagna.
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vizthedatum · 2 years ago
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সোনা/"Gold"
CW: Long-form poetry and prose of my childhood trauma (includes pretty bad details about physical abuse and self-harm. I say this without judgment, but you should not read this if you’re gonna diagnose me and/or be triggered by this content and any of the other content that I’ve posted. This is not for you. This is *my experience*, and I’m sharing it. I have a need to share my pain so I can release it, sit with it, and be okay with it. And I’ve chosen to do it on this side of fucking hellscape that is the internet.)
Excerpt of DNA by Cloudy June:
🎶I'm all you never wanted
Hi Mom, I'll always bе
The black sheep of the family
It's in my DNA
My DNA
Lalala lalala 
It's in my DNA
My DNA
Lalala lalala 
It's in my DNA
When you said "stay homе" I went out
Did the things you weren't allowed
Maybe you're jealous of me
No-Oh
You're scared cause they always warned ya
Saying "like mother, like daughter"
The rotten apple don't fall far
From the tree
Yeah, you know🎶
My mom was my first best friend. And she created me to be hers. 
I was her most favorite doll - I was her amusement and her joy. I was her inspiration and aspiration. I was her best student (did you know she taught me most of the art I know and a fuckton of math (up until calculus)? She taught me nail art. She taught me so many things. She’s crazy talented. And she’s still the best damn cook I’ve ever met.) I needed her - as most children do. I loved and craved her smell (I still do). I loved her style (I still do). I loved how she moved and how she always so poetically expressed her thoughts (I think I get that from her). She was enchanting. She was beautiful. She was my mother, and I adored her above anyone else… until my brother was born (because then he became my priority for the rest of my life).
Her voice and the songs she sings will always be my comfort. She is so beautiful, in a perfectly timeless way.
And I love her - always and forever. 
She was and is really hurt and traumatized. Generational trauma is a bitch, and anger and avoidance definitely run in the great Sen family… and in my family too. Immigration, a haphazardly arranged marriage to someone who doesn’t/didn’t acknowledge his own weaknesses and veers towards grandiosity in the face of absolute incompetence and mediocrity, most definite childhood and sexual trauma, and, sadly, very undiagnosed mental health issues that she doesn’t have the courage to talk about openly. And then a failed affair where I believe she felt truly loved and seen for the first time - he still wishes her happy birthday privately to me *every single year* (and I feel their forbidden love so deeply and viscerally that it physically hurts me). It’s often said: hurt people hurt people. (And you bet that me sharing all this will hurt her too. Is it abuse to be told that you can’t share what’s happened? Or is it abuse to share such privately held secrets? Hell if I know.) But yeah, she hurt me. I was her most prized possession, and I had to be perfect. But I wasn’t. Even when I did all the extracurriculars, the music, the sciences, the everything… even when I got into an Ivy League college. And yes, I struggled throughout it all - I was drowning, and it was obvious. 
(In Bangla)
“Stop being abnormal”
“Be sober/serious”
“Why did you lie to me?” Everything I did seemed to be wrong. Constantly. Having bad vision? Wrong. Not being able to swallow pills when I was younger? Wrong.
Making a joke that my violin case looked like a coffin? Wrong.
Watching Xena: Warrior Princess (oh god, I was so gay growing up)? Wrong. Looking like my father’s mother? Wrong.
A facial expression? Wrong.
Being too fat? Wrong.
Not eating? Wrong.
Not doing my swim strokes right? Wrong.
Not believing in her messed up worldview? Wrong.
Being sick and in chronic pain? Wrong.
Reading a book too fast? Wrong.
My refusal to do sex-work (the request was for all the wrong/convoluted reasons - trust me) so that I could save the family? Wrong.
Running from her and hiding in the bathroom and using all my strength to close the door while she tried to pry it open so that she could hurt me more? Wrong.
I remember everything - as I have often said, I’m conscious through all of it even when I dissociate. Every word of affection and every violent rant - I remember. I remember how it felt emotionally, physically, spiritually - and I remember feeling how she felt on the inside while she hit me. What hurt more? how she felt or the physical pain (because when you’re neurodivergent with chronic pain, and if you’re me I guess, then the pain starts to just not really register as pain. You can still feel it, but I can decontextualize it over time). So I guess - to be completely honest - her own self-harm (because hurting me was definitely self-harm) hurt me more than anything.
I remember looking at the clock behind her when she made me sit still while she would scream at me for hours. At least I was able to do my homework, swim, do all the fucking things, and practice violin quickly enough for there to be enough hours in the day, huh? I hid bruises and cuts and marks for years while “excelling” in school. I don’t even know how but I would somehow sneak Bengay to nurse myself in the closet. Then eventually I hid the marks/bruises I made myself.
I made myself to be the person she wanted - and it was different every single day. The mental load was immense. The physical load was even more. And then it all just circled around again.
She was so scared for me - she wanted me to succeed so badly. But in her view, I was failing and doomed to fail. 
She would often tell me that my behavior was a reflection on her. Well… she was right. She was absolutely right.
But I’m free now. I’m ending it. I’m ending the generational trauma. Is that naive to say?
She’s not free - and she’s still alive, just surviving. She has her creature comforts, but she’s not happy. And while I have boundaries with her now (no contact unless it has to do with my brother (or when my brother guilts her into sending me money)) — one day I will save her. You’re not ready now. But I will - I will save you when you’re ready because you’re still my best friend - you never stopped being mine. And when we embraced in October-November 2022, I knew that I never stopped being yours.
And no, this is not purely a trauma response. Because she’s drowning too and has no one. And while I can say that I want to choose my family (and I do! And am doing so!)… the pull of blood and culture will always be there.
তুমি আমার মা, আমার "মাদ্রে." আমি তোমার সোনা কিন্তু তুমিও আমার সোনা। Gold is malleable - we can change! We can still shine brilliantly and effulgently, even when the world bends us out of shape. I love you. I forgive you. I let you go. And one day, I hope, when you’re ready, I’ll save you, and we can truly be best friends anew.
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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 3 years ago
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Dear Evan Hansen
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You may have seen some ~online discourse~ about the film Dear Evan Hansen, an adaptation of the 2016 Broadway musical, and you might have wondered what all the hubbub is about. I mean, it’s a feel good story about a senior in high school, Evan Hansen (Ben Platt), who has some pretty severe anxiety and depression. While trying to fulfill an assignment from his therapist to write a letter to himself, his letter gets picked up by another student, Connor (Colton Ryan) - and later that day, Connor kills himself. Connor’s grieving parents and sister Zoe (Amy Adams, Danny Pino, and Kaitlyn Dever) are desperate to learn more from the boy they think was Connor’s best friend - after all, Connor’s suicide note was a letter addressed to “Dear Evan Hansen.” And, as you can imagine, Evan tells them about the unfortunate mistake and sits with them in their grief as they struggle to pick up the pieces of their lives. 
Just kidding! He lies to them, repeatedly, elaborately, expansively for months, constructing an entire false friendship with Connor that never happened, and ingratiating himself into the wealthy nuclear family he never had, in large part because he wants to get into Zoe’s pants! THIS IS THE PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY. Oh, and it’s a musical so there is a lot of singing and crying and singing WHILE crying and sometimes crying and not singing at all. But the #inspiration, you guys. 
Things I liked:
Pretty much everything but the story and Ben Platt’s performance. The supporting cast is stacked, and all of them do a great job at elevating material scraped directly out of a diaper worn by someone who just chewed their way through a copy of the DSM-5. 
A couple of the songs are damn catchy - “Waving Through a Window” and “You Will Be Found” are standouts for a reason - and here’s the thing, Platt sings them well. But as you’ll discover, there’s a lot more to a movie musical than just singing your part. 
Stephen Chbosky, the man behind every deep thought I and a lot of people in my generation had in 2006 after he wrote The Perks of Being a Wallflower, is a pretty good director. I particularly enjoyed the fanvid-type cuts in “Waving Through a Window” in conjunction with the lyrics, and his use of interstitial shots to flashbacks (and sometimes flashforwards!) is a neat little bit of shorthand that I thought was used sparingly enough to be effective. 
Amy Fucking Adams. She’s holding on so hard, so desperately to the idea of who her son could have been, rather than the reality of who he was, and she is full of such deep pain that is masked by an almost endless supply of patience with Evan and relentless positivity. All this made me want was Enchanted 2 even worse than I already did. 
Super into everything Zoe wears - the costuming department did a great job, and now all I want to do is live in mom jeans and baggy sweaters.
Did I Cry? I teared up a couple of times because I’m not a completely heartless bastard and when Amy Adams offered Evan Connor’s college money, my heart broke for the lie Evan had thrust upon her, and Julianne Moore’s song got me good, because she’s just a single mom to Evan who is doing her goddamn best. 
Things I hated more than the time I dropped a frozen gallon container of fruit cocktail on my pinkie toe in my parents’ garage and it turned black and I thought it was gonna fall off:
Ben Platt is 28 years old. He originated the role of Evan Hansen on Broadway, so in many respects it makes sense that he plays the role in the movie, except for the one kinda sorta important thing where he looks like a wizened old crone standing amongst a sea of children doing his best twitching, cringing Hunchback of Notre Dame impression. If you want someone to convincingly play 20 years their junior, hire Paul Rudd. Otherwise, please don’t ask me to believe that this supposed 18-year-old has crow’s feet. 
And that twitching nervous energy is a huge part of the black hole at the center of this film - he’s playing to the cheap seats and walking through the halls of his high school like a wet chihuahua. It’s an excruciating acting choice to watch - he doesn’t just have anxiety, he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown seemingly every second of every day. Like honestly, where is only-mentioned-never-seen Dr. Sherman, because this young man’s meds are NOT WORKING DR. SHERMAN. 
There’s such a lack of self-awareness on behalf of the writing, directing, and performance by Platt. There’s one song, “Sincerely, Me,” that offers the only glimpse of commentary about what Evan is doing, by pointing out the malicious ridiculousness of him writing a series of fake emails as proof of his and Connor’s friendship. 
Also what high schoolers email this much?? I know this was written in probably 2014 or so, but has a bitch never heard of a text? Even a DM? This whole plot is constructed around the premise that high schoolers are just constantly, constantly emailing each other. 
Everything - and I mean EV-ER-Y-THING - about Evan’s relationship with Zoe is so creepy and disturbing that with a soundtrack change, this could easily be a horror movie. He attempts to get her to like him by describing to her all the things her brother noticed about her - oh wait, I’m sorry, all the things HE noticed about her while he was skulking in the shadows following her around for years, watching every move she made, and it ends with him singing repeatedly “I LOVE YOU” because following a girl around and never having a conversation with her or knowing her at all is love, right? This was clearly written by the same people who chose “Every Breath You Take” as their wedding song because Sting is hot and they never actually listened to the damn words. 
And it gets about 10 billion times worse when Zoe goes to Evan’s house alone, takes him up to his room, and sings “I don’t need reasons to want you” and that was the moment I was that person I hate in a movie theater and I pulled out my phone to Google who wrote the music and lyrics to the musical (we were in the back row of the theater no one was behind me THIS WAS AN OUTRAGE EMERGENCY) and of motherfucking course it was written by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, 2 men who heard about meeting an actual human woman from a friend one time but otherwise are unfamiliar with the concept. 
Lastly, enormous serial killer vibes from Evan sending unlabeled flash drives anonymously through the mail with no note in an attempt to right his wrongs. That’s not catharsis, that’s how the next installment in the Saw franchise starts, with Evan in a Billy the clown doll mask showing up on the screen and asking if you want to play a fucking game. 
Also, I know it’s not possible for the narrative to justify this in a way that could be satisfying based on Evan’s actions, but what is with this thing where single working-class mom Julianne Moore is turning down rich people’s money for Evan to go to college? Like, obviously we can’t have that happen in the movie but in real life, fuck your pride! Take those rich people’s money!
I also know how movies work but nothing annoys me more than a giant group of high schoolers all getting beeps and boops to indicate text notifications all at the same time because I don’t know a single person under the age of 55 who keeps their ringer on. That shit is on vibrate AT MOST, and I feel like that’s a millennial thing. 
The emotional climax of the film is obviously Evan’s WAY TOO LATE confession, but the idea that it’s prompted by Connor’s family suddenly getting a lot of internet hate is, frankly, laughable. If Sandy Hook taught me one thing, it is that no tragedy is immune from trolls who live only to cause other people devastating emotional pain on the internet. That shit starts day 1. Apparently no one involved in this production has ever been on Twitter?
Also it feels like there should have been a dog somewhere in this movie and there was no dog, so points off for that too. 
Perhaps Dear Evan Hansen isn’t nearly as deep as it aspires to be. Perhaps it’s a morality play, a simplistic message of “Don’t lie, kids, lying is bad!” Major studio movies wrap themselves up with a nice bow at the end so everyone can feel good about themselves and leave with a happy ending, but the moronic cruelty on display here makes that feat feel impossible. We’re left with Evan in an orchard, reading Connor’s favorite books and staring into the big blue sky with all the self-actualization he’s earned now as a lil treat. And if Evan Hansen looked like an actual 18-year-old, it would be a lot easier to extend more empathy to him and his not-fully-developed prefrontal cortex, but it’s a little harder with this fully-grown, weathered man who was old enough to remember seeing Liar Liar in theaters. 
Dear Evan Hansen, 
Get some actual help and a haircut and maybe you can grow up enough to have an actual healthy interaction with any other living person, ever.
Sincerely, 
Me
If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.
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mimisempai · 3 years ago
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We are a family
Summary:
Kid Loki is sick. Mobius and Loki are as panicked as each other. But they are together...
30 days OTP challenge Day 15 : One of them is sick
Notes:
Maybe for some people it's too Ooc, but I like them like that. This little family that builds itself little by little.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/35412364
1033 words - Rating G
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"Dad? I don't feel so good."
Alarmed, Mobius turned to the young Loki.
The young boy never complained.
Unfortunately his time on the Void had taught him to be independent, too independent. However, he was slowly learning to rely on his "elders".
Mobius found him pale, paler than usual, his features tense and sweat beading on his forehead which Mobius touched with the back of his hand. He was burning up.
"Hey sweetie, don't you want to go lie down?" he suggested and Loki Jr. nodded weakly, though he made no move to get up.
"Dad?"
"Yes?"
"My stomach really hurts," the young boy said softly before throwing up on Mobius' shoes.
It took Mobius more than half an hour to calm him down, clean him up, and get him comfortable in his bed with a cup of chamomile tea. The young boy barely got comfortable when Mobius had to hand him the basin because he had to vomit again. When Mobius tucked him into bed this time, he realized that the young boy had red patches on his neck and arms that seemed to itch. He began to worry.
However, the important thing was that he rested so that the fever could subside.  So Mobius stayed by his side. He stroked his hair and talked to him in a soft, soothing voice until he fell asleep.
Mobius watched him sleep for a few more moments and once he was reassured that he was sleeping peacefully, he went to clean the living room floor.
He heard Loki come in and went to meet him.
They embraced tenderly to greet each other and Loki, scrutinizing Mobius' face, saw at once that something was not as usual.
"Mobius, are you all right?"
Mobius replied, unable to hide his slight concern, "Loki is sick, he has a fever and vomited. Right now he's sleeping."
"What?" Loki exclaimed.
"Shhh idiot, you are going to wake him up."
Loki continued, in a low voice but still panicked, "What do you mean sick, he's a god! We can' t be sick!" Mobius would have laughed at Loki's dramatic exaggeration if he himself wasn't so worried about the young boy.
"What do we do?" he asked.
"I don't know! Should I know? I probably should, shouldn't I? But you're the one who knows everything." Loki looked like he was on the verge of hysteria, and Mobius, even though he wasn't, was very worried.
He took Loki by the hand and led him to the couch. "Come on, let's go think calmly."
Loki calmed down and once seated, he asked Mobius to describe the symptoms. When he got to the red patches, Loki slapped his forehead.
"I know what he has!!!"
As Mobius looked on in bewilderment, Loki rushed to Loki Jr.'s room and quietly entered.
He knelt down next to the boy's bed and pushing back a sweaty strand of hair from his forehead he asked softly, "Hey my little prince... are you awake?"
Loki turned fully towards him and opened his eyes so much like his own.
"Hmm... yes."
Loki sat him down and gave him the glass of water. While the young boy drank, he went to get a towel and wet it before returning to the young boy.
Meanwhile, Mobius had joined them and knelt by Loki's side and said, "I know what he has... an"
"Allergy."
The two men said the word at the same time and looked at each other in surprise.
The young boy laughed softly.
The two men continued to speak at the same time, "But...how do you..."
"Dads stop! You make me laugh, but my stomach hurts." The young boy giggled as he held his stomach.
Mobius continued, "While you were rushing to his room, I looked it up on the internet, and the symptoms were the same as those caused by an allergy. But I don't know which one..."
Loki interjected, "That I can tell you. When he was with Jane, Thor was determined to try as much of the Midgardian food as possible. And after he tried the peanut butter, he had the exact same symptoms. Loki tell me, did you eat peanuts in any form?"
The young boy nodded, "Casey... the little jar on his desk. I'm sorry..."
Loki leaned over to the boy, "Hey sweetie, why are you sorry?"
"You have to take care of me."
Loki knelt down and gently passed the wet towel over his sweaty forehead as he said softly, "Loki, you are not a burden. You don't have to carry everything alone. We're a family, we take care of each other. We take care of you not out of duty, but because we love you and want to take care of you."
The young Loki nodded, fighting off sleep.
Mobius came and knelt beside Loki again, "Hey sweetie, you should sleep."
They made him comfortable, and stayed with him until he fell asleep.
They walked out of the room and looking at each other, they breathed a sigh of relief in concert.
As they walked to the living room, Loki said quietly, "I may be a god, I may have extraordinary powers, and I may be-"
"incredibly modest," Mobius continued with a chuckle.
"Hey, Mobius, I'm serious!"
Mobius pulled him closer and kissed him gently before replying with a falsely sheepish look, "Sorry, go on."
"So, I may be everything I said, but for a moment I felt so helpless. It's scary."
They sat on the couch in their favorite position, Loki reclining, his head resting on Mobius' lap, whose hands automatically came to caress Loki's hair.
"I know what you mean. I felt exactly the same way when he came to me this morning and told me he wasn't well."
Loki asked softly, "Is this what being a parent is like?"
"You think I know more than you?" sneered Mobius.
"Do you think we'll make it?" asked Loki even more softly.
Mobius replied in a voice that didn't shake, "Absolutely, I can tell that just by the way you reacted to him. I'm not worried about that. Besides, there are two of us, we'll learn together."
Loki hummed softly, "Hm... together."
________
As always, bear with me as it is not beta'd and english is not my native language I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless🥰
Next day : Hospital
Challenge List here
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scripttorture · 4 years ago
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In what instances would ICURE fail to change someone's beliefs? Would access to outside information or (not very good at their jobs) guards discussing events without tact help someone realise something fishy was going on?
Very broad question without clear, satisfying answers Anon.
 Basically: there is no guaranteed way to change a person’s mind. There are strategies we know can’t work. But everything that has a chance of success also has a chance of failure. And it isn’t a clear cut thing that I can give you a clean list of factors for.
 Humans are difficult creatures to study because they come with a lot of inbuilt confounding factors and individual variation. This makes it very difficult to identify clear reasons why something didn’t work. Because we have to assume that multiple factors are at work and the interaction of those factors may be as important as each factor individually.
 Even if you write your villains performing ICURE ‘perfectly’ there is still a chance of failure. And therefore it is realistic for you to decide it fails for this character.
 We can’t really study which ‘bits’ of ICURE are most effective. Partly because of that little thing called ethics but partly because setting up a study would be incredibly difficult. It’s hard enough to measure belief. Finding a large enough sample size, controlling for every possible confounding factor or variable and studying people for the years it would take to get any answers… It’s a big ask. It’s probably never going to happen.
 So with the caveat that we can’t tell if any of the parts of ICURE are more important let’s talk about how they can break down.
 ICURE, for everyone who hasn’t heard me talk about it before, is a set of techniques which can (sometimes) be used to manipulate a person into changing their views. They take months or years to have any real effect and as mentioned they’re not always successful.
 The acronym stands for Isolate, Control information, create Uncertainty, Repetition and Emotive responses. And if you’re writing a story where villains are trying to apply this but not doing it well it can break down at literally any one of these points.
 I would say based on what I’ve read that different groups focus more heavily on different aspects depending on their setting and strategy. Groups that are straight up kidnapping or imprisoning people often seem to focus more heavily on isolation and controlling information but often fall down on the other three. Whereas the impression I get of cults and some extremist political groups is that they focus more on creating uncertainty and emotive responses, which they can then use to further isolate members from family and friends.
 Controlling information is a common place for ICURE to break down nowadays. The rise of the internet and the decreasing size of devices has made it easier for victims to access unauthorised sources even when imprisoned.
 But repetition is also a very common place for ICURE to break down because in large groups not every individual is going to follow the same script perfectly. Group members can also undermine ICURE by lashing out, physically or verbally, driving their target away.
 Creating uncertainty doesn’t always work. Sometimes victims straight up do not believe what they’re told. Some attempts to create uncertainty around core beliefs lead to a knee-jerk rejection of what’s being said. Sometimes targets know more about a given subject then the person trying to create uncertainty and as a result the attempt is absurdly obvious.
 Emotive responses are similarly… charged. Attempting to instil a sense of disgust or rejection of something an individual supports won’t always work. Over a long period of time it can. But I can think of a lot of cases where it has instead taught individuals to lie to the group, hide their beliefs or activities and served to drive them away from the group.
 Isolation is either difficult or easy depending on the context of the story. A character who is in a literal prison can easily be isolated from anyone but vetted individuals. A character who has been targetted by a cult, but is still going about normal day to day business, is a lot harder to isolate completely.
 Cults and extremist groups tend to rely on uncertainty, repetition and emotive responses because they know that if they can shift a target’s beliefs the target will isolate themselves.
 Let me give you an example to illustrate this. Imagine a country where there’s a big, culturally important celebration that involves eating candied orange peel and wearing red. Now imagine a cult within the country that rejects candy as sinful and wearing red as a sign of bad character.
 A character targetted by this cult might feel increasingly uncomfortable with this festival. May be at first they go with their friends and family, wear red but don’t eat the candied orange peel. May be the year after they decide not to go, missing a chance to spend time with their friends and family. May be a few years later their rejection of the festival is so deep they try to persuade their friends and family not to go.
 This leads to a big argument. They and their friends/family say things in the heat of the moment. Now all sides are upset and communication becomes harder.
 These kinds of patterns of behaviour lead to the target isolating themselves from friends and family, as their views become more extreme and drive away people who aren’t members of the cult.
 But crucially they can still choose to socialise with people outside of the cult. This will probably be met with social censure from the cult, making it difficult and painful. It is still possible. And outside friendships or activities can help a person to break free or resist ICURE techniques.
 All of this basically means you have a lot of options for your story because there are plenty of things you can weave in that would undermine ICURE.
 Your character is in prison, so breaking isolation is more difficult. But if the prison is overcrowded or there’s a sudden influx of people being transferred between facilities the character might end up with a… poor choice of cell mate from the guard’s perspective. Some one with beliefs radically opposed to the guards or someone who could support and shore up the character’s old beliefs.
 There may also be opportunities for covert communication and bonding within the prison. Perhaps prisoners can gather during breaks and have worked out a cant or code to talk about beliefs the guards are trying to stamp out.
 Control of information can break down because isolation has broken down, with prisoners trading information. It can also happen through the prisoner trading for a phone or a similar item allowing them to access forbidden information. Or it can happen through things like guards inadvertently giving out information.
 Uncertainty is difficult to create around core beliefs. The impression I get from anecdotal accounts is that pushing too hard at core beliefs too early often causes targets to withdraw from the people attempting ICURE. It can also lead to targets doubling down on their beliefs.
 People attempting ICURE can also mess up on creating uncertainty, as described above.
 Repetition can break down because guards don’t all do or say the same things consistently. They could contradict each other. Or they might just not repeat the same thing very often.
 Emotive responses can break down in much the same way creating uncertainty does. Not everyone responds emotionally to the same things or in the same way. Once again different guards can undermine the desired response. The character might dig in to their original position, they might withdraw from the people attempting ICURE. They might just learn to lie to them.
 I think as a writer the best approach to this is to use a mix of internal and external factors effecting multiple parts of ICURE. Just because I think that would create a better story.
 The readers can see the internal struggle and resistance in the character. They can also see the guards messing up and how that impacts the character. May be the importance of support from other people, fellow prisoners or cleaning staff or doctors or anyone else that fits with the setting.
 Basically including multiple elements will give you a more fleshed out story with more emotional depth and impact. That’s a good narrative reason to include it.
 I hope that helps. :)
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hawkinsschoolcounselor · 4 years ago
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“Why do you lie?”: A look at a gay Mike Wheeler
This is a sort of a companion post to Will Byers and Growing Up Gay in the Pre-Internet Era, which I posted last year. I looked into what could have possibly been going on with Will as someone with a gay identity at a time when there was little support. Now I’d like to look at Mike, who would have his own unique challenges towards accepting a positive identity. This isn’t meant to be a post for why Mike is gay, as I (and several others) have already addressed that. Instead, I want to look at some of the psychological processes that may be at work in how Mike develops through the series. I will be treating Mike as if he were a real person, rather than a fictional character, and, so, I will attempt to ignore narrative devices (foreshadowing, parallels, etc.) as much as possible.
“Friends don’t lie” is one of the prevailing messages in Stranger Things. It more or less becomes El’s personal motto, so it ultimately became associated more with her than the person who taught it to her: Mike. Despite attempting to instill this value onto El, Mike himself is shown to have a lot of trouble living up to it. While Mike spends quite a lot of time in Season 3 lying to El, she is not the biggest victim of his lies. No, the one he lies to the most is himself, and he seems to have been doing that since Season 1.
According to the Cass Identity Model, a journey to a positive gay identity requires several steps: confusion, comparison, tolerance, acceptance, pride, and synthesis. This is not a perfect model, but it is one of the better attempts to create a general framework for how it worked for many gay individuals, at least in the time it was created (1979). A general way to look at it is that, at least at the time, individuals would work their way through this process as they engaged with the gay and lesbian community and started to see it as less of a bad thing and more as something to be proud of until it finally becomes just another part of who they are.
As I mentioned in my Will post, there is little opportunity for a kid in Hawkins to engage with the gay and lesbian community. There is no internet, nor is there any (known) place for local gays to gather in Hawkins. This results in the only real mention of homosexuality being the slurs thrown around by school bullies and people like Lonnie. A town like Hawkins would be a very difficult place for a young gay person to grow up. This makes it hard for even the initial stage, confusion, even occurring. Mike has deep feelings for Will, but the confusion stage requires that he acknowledge his feelings as homosexual in nature. Instead, I think Mike has been hiding from his own feelings, and it may not have been until the finale of Season 3 that he finally acknowledged them for the first time. So what comes before the first stage? 
Lies! Well, sort of. Defense mechanisms are how our minds protect us from the anxiety and social consequences of unwanted thoughts and desires. We all use them, unconsciously, to some extent. The next time you come home from a hard day at work and yell at a family member, ask yourself why you’re angry. Odds are it’s nothing the family member did. Getting angry at work can be a risk to your employment, so, instead, you unconsciously find a “safer” target. In this case it’s still bad, but getting forgiveness from a family member is easier than talking a boss into rehiring you. Mike has similar processes going on to protect him from his budding attraction to Will.
It’s impossible to tell when exactly Mike started thinking of Will as more than a friend, even if he doesn’t label the thoughts as such. He already shows an intense concern for Will in Season 1. When the boyish-looking El shows up and provides an opportunity to find Will, Mike risks his friendships to make use of her powers. He also goes over the top in disguising her as, well, a girl. It probably would have been easier to disguise her as a boy, but Mike decided to put a wig and dress on her, and then apply makeup to her. This could be a combination of displacement and reaction formation. Mike is redirecting his feelings for Will onto El, and also making her as obviously female as he can. 
Mike’s bond with El came very quickly, and even caused a rift within the Party. While Dustin and Lucas would come around and value El as a trusted friend, their process with her is more natural than Mike’s rushed, forced relationship with her. Dustin and Lucas had no weird feelings to hide from. Their search for Will contained no unwanted implications, they simply wanted their friend back safe and sound. Still, we would see Mike on the opposite end of this type of interaction in Season 2.
Max is the first “normal” girl to show interest in the Party. Mike reacts to her presence and attempts to join the party with hostility. There is little reason for this, as he was more than willing to allow El to be their friend. He doesn’t truly hate her, and in his own words he can’t hate her as he doesn’t even know her. He simply wants nothing to do with her. His only given reason is that the party is full as it is, which seems to fall flat. It could be that the presence of a girl reminds him of El, but we don’t see him acting hostile to girls in general. It seems, instead, to be his friends’ interest in her that gets Mike to dislike her. While the theory that he is jealous at Will’s interest in Max is intriguing, there isn’t much to go on aside from Will showing a curiosity about her and then letting Dustin and Lucas bring her along for Halloween. Instead, Mike may be projecting here. He shows incredulity that Dustin and Lucas could be so interested in Max despite never having talked to her, suggesting that he thinks getting to know someone is important in regards to being romantically interested. This runs counter to his interactions with El in Season 1. He resents his own behavior, but takes his anger out on his friends and Max instead when he sees them doing something similar.
Mike is very protective of Will throughout Season 2. He also spends a lot of time reaching out to El via his SuperComm, though he admits it’s likely a fruitless effort. His guilt over what has happened to the both of them is another sign of his mixed up feelings for Will and El. On Halloween, Mike and Will open up to each other about how crazy they feel, and they share a smile at the end of a conversation that is arguably a masked love confession. However, as Mike twice brought up El as a part of their conversation, it further reinforces the displacement of Mike’s feelings to her. However, soon after this, Mike finds himself caught up in another Will-related crisis, and El is out of his thoughts until her return at the end of the season.
Mike also shows a lot of willingness to allow himself to be vulnerable with Will in Season 2, something which isn’t seen in his interactions with anyone else. In these moments, Mike’s body language shifts. His tone becomes softer, his head dips slightly, and he peers at Will through his lashes. His aforementioned conversation on Halloween is just one example, but it is also seen when Will is asked if he remembers Mike, when Mike recounts meeting Will as they try to break through to him, when they’re at the movies, and when Will is packing at the end of Season 3. The moment in the shed is perhaps Mike’s most vulnerable moment. He shares a cherished memory, and unashamedly cries while doing so, perhaps even so lost in the moment that he forgets other people are in the room. His feelings, driven into overdrive by the fear of losing Will for good, are beginning to overwhelm him, but he still maintains his “Will behavior.”
This shows an uncharacteristic degree of trust and/or submission. In interactions with other characters, even El, Mike often displays assertive, or even aggressive, tones and stances. Mike doesn’t realize he does this, but we do see him sometimes use similar body language with El, further suggesting that he is redirecting his affections.
Perhaps the biggest moment we see him act this way around El is at the Snow Ball at the end of Season 2. Mike had been having a great time at the dance until Will had gone off to dance. This is strange considering Mike seemed to urge him to go with the girl in the first place. He appears shocked as the pair walks to the dance floor, his mouth agape, and wide eyes staring off into space. This isn’t the body language of someone expressing pride at a friend’s unexpected boldness, but rather it suggests a disturbing revelation. It is at this point that Mike could potentially have moved into the Confusion stage of the Cass model, as he sits on the sidelines (despite Dustin briefly there for company) watching Will dance. Any progress he may have made is instead halted when El arrives unexpectedly. This allows for him to continue using her as an outlet, and gives him a convenient escape from where his thoughts would likely take him.
Season 3 is the first time Mike had to deal with having both El and Will in his life at the same time, and it’s where his defense mechanisms begin to break down. In therapy, the goal is to shine light onto defense mechanisms in order to deconstruct them, so the patient can see and deal with what is actually going on. 
We find out Mike has been largely ignoring his friends and spending most of his time with El. He makes a big show of his relationship with El, including leaving early after Dustin had returned from camp under the false pretense of a curfew. The others don’t buy it, and Mike likely knew this. He wanted them to know he was going off to make out with El. When we actually see them alone, they do indeed make out, but, curiously, Mike twice takes steps to make it less intimate. He stops to sing along to the music, for example, despite El not enjoying it. He also removes El’s hands from her face, leaving them both simply leaning forward at each other without additional contact. There is a suggestion here that Mike is not enjoying what he is doing and limiting just how intimate they get. 
We continue to see his lack of a desire to be close to El. For her part, El shows behavior that could only be considered clingy. It is she who initiates nearly all of their physical contact, and, at one point, she even literally clings to Mike as Dustin is showing off his gadgets. A close inspection shows that Mike is standing with his arms crossed during this, making no active attempt to return the physical contact. None of this physical intimacy is for his own benefit. While being with El means he doesn’t have to worry about his feelings for Will, it does not really allow him to express those feelings to his satisfaction. This may be why he goes on movie “double dates” with Will, Lucas, and Max in between spending time with El. 
The occurrence we see at the movies is clearly not the first due to Steve’s frustrated reaction and their familiarity with his threat. They are late, so there are not enough seats, but there is no hesitation as Mike goes with Will to sit apart from Max and Lucas. Mike is so comfortable with reaching into Will’s bag for the snacks that it suggests it’s happened multiple times before. We also see that, despite his reclusive behavior with El, Mike still has Will on his mind when he asks if Will is ok. His tone again soft, head slightly dipped as he peers up through his lashes. He glances briefly down, possibly at Will’s lips, suggesting he needs to remind himself that it’s not El he’s with at this moment. He is otherwise very content to be “alone” with Will at the movie. 
Mike ultimately needs the relationship with El to protect himself against his feelings for Will, and it all comes to a head when they fight after Will’s attempt at a campaign. Mike’s continuous theatrics lead to not only Hopper forcing him to spend less time with El, but to him getting busted as he allows Lucas to lead him through a plan to get El an apology gift. We later see that he has no difficulties apologizing when he feels he should, so his grand gesture is another sign that his relationship with El is more of a show. He puts up no fight when El dumps him, acting annoyed and accusing Max and El of conspiring against him. He’s hiding from his own complicity in order to avoid acknowledging that it doesn’t really bother him as much as it should. He wants El to come back to him to continue his show, but he can’t do anything about it without confronting his feelings. El leaving didn’t hurt him; it just made him angry. This complicates things for him. It was easier for him to shift his feelings to El when he didn’t actually need to do anything about it.
Will loses it at Mike’s disinterest in his campaign, particularly his attempt to abruptly end it. Mike seems to be trying to be just another too-cool ladies man, and he is disallowing himself to enjoy the game. Still, he can’t bare to have hurt Will, and he chases after him when Will tries to leave. Mike struggles to maintain the lie while trying to placate Will. When Will accuses him of ruining everything to make out with “a stupid girl,” we see Mike lash out, saying it’s not his fault Will doesn’t like girls. While this hurt Will, it was likely another case of projection. Mike hates himself for spending all of his time with El because he doesn’t actually like girls. He can’t even stay angry at Will when he sees how hurt Will was with what he said. He tries to explain that this is just how it needs to be, and he appears sad as Will leaves. Unlike with El, Mike is hurt when he loses Will, and he chased after him to apologize. We don’t actually get to see him apologize, however, as the threat-of-the-season kicks into gear, resulting in Mike needing to get El.
Mike thus is able to bounce his feelings back to El. He maintains a physical proximity to Will, but also tries to avoid interacting with him. The apology he never gets to make to Will ends up clumsily being offered to El. Mike’s vulnerable, genuine behavior is absent as he goofily attempts to make nice with his ex-girlfriend. He awkwardly attempts to invoke previous conversations with Will, suggesting an increasing desperation to re-establish El as the safe target for his affections. Cracks had already been forming in his carefully constructed subconscious defense mechanisms as a result of the contrast in how El and Will dumping him made him feel. Mike is starting to see the truth, and he needs to fix it.
Ultimately, the Byers decide to move away. A few months pass between the end of the season and the epilogue where they actually move. Mike seems to be on good terms with both El and Will, but we don’t really know what happened in the interim to get him there. Mike has conversations with both El and Will. His demeanor in each again demonstrate that, despite what he wants others to think, it’s Will who Mike can’t bear to part with. With Will, Mike again shows his vulnerability when Will goes to give away his D&D books. Mike is clearly afraid at the implications, that Will will move on from him, but Will is able to allay his fears, assuring him it’s “not possible” for him to find a new party, and that he expects to just use Mike’s set when he returns. Mike shows no vulnerability with El. In fact, he seems quite at ease as he explains how they’ll talk all the time, so everything will be ok. El suddenly attempts to bring up his previous attempts to talk about feelings, and he feigns ignorance, seeming uncomfortable. There’s a suggestion that they never re-established a romantic relationship. She says she loves him, and he seems perturbed. She kisses him, and he stands there, unresponsive. As she leaves, Mike stands confused and disturbed. He was not expecting that, nor did he enjoy it. Previously, after such a vulnerable moment with Will, Mike would have jumped at the opportunity to shift his feelings to El. Now it seems that he is finally accepting the truth. Defense mechanisms, being elaborate unintentional lies, only work when the individual remains unaware of them. Insight results in the truth being revealed.
As the Byers leave, Mike stares longingly at the cars. His friends all bike away, but he hangs back momentarily, looking back at Will’s house one last time with a pensive look on his face. All his walls have come crumbling down, and he can’t deny it anymore. He can’t pretend it’s El that he loves. He rides home, walking into his home in a daze. We last see him seeking comfort in his mother’s arms, seeking that unconditional love he craves so much. Mike is now confused, consciously aware that he loves Will, dealing with not only losing him, but also the acknowledgement that he’s likely gay. He’s no longer lying to himself, though it remains to be see how he reacts to the truth.
From here it’s all speculation, as we have little to no knowledge of Season 4. Based on the Cass model, Mike needs to explore his gay identity by meeting other gay people. He needs to see that not only is he not alone, but that being gay isn’t a bad thing. This process isn’t easy, and he will need to deal with the social implications of what it means. He may well choose to attempt to maintain a straight image. El being away means he can claim her as his girlfriend without them needing to be intimate. On the other hand, with support, he could work his way through the model and learn to love himself as he is. 
Note: I tried hard to stick to a conceptualization of Mike, but this does not mean this is how the writers see him. 
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nightswithkookmin · 4 years ago
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Hii, me again. 😅
Jungkook made a three syllable poem with "min yoongi" name. At the last name of "Gi" He made yoonmin. Is he try to expose that yoonmin is a thing/ or real??
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Ahjumma.... why are you being like this?
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What did I do to deserve this ghettory?😟 It's too early in the year to be this ghetto uno.
Don't be like that😒
You are asking me, Goldy- GOLDY of all shippers, if I think JEON JUNGKOOK is confirming his boyfriend of seven years and counting is in a relationship with another member within the same group...
Doing what exactly in that relationship??
Is JK cockholding? What's going on.
KWENCHANAYO?!
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You think BTS will survive two members dating the same guy in the same group???
Never mind that it's Jeon Jungkook and Park freaking Jimin- Mr I'm greedy and Mr I don't share my friends.
Like make it make sense to me please😭
After everything we've been said on my blogs for months now, you still asking me this??
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You are bold, I'll give you that.
Now tell me slowly and in coherent words why I shouldn't pull your hair and give you three quick punches to your throat- ninja style👀
Someone get her before I snap their neck💀
For the last time-
NEITHER 🤺OF🤺JIKOOK🤺 IS 🤺 WAS🤺 HAS🤺 HAD🤺 PURPORTS TO HAVE🤺 WOULD HAVE HAD🤺 COULD HAD HAD🤺 HAD HAD HAD🤺IS HAVING 🤺 ANY 🤺ROMANTIC🤺 FEELINGS🤺WHATSOEVER 🤺 DESIRE🤺CRAVING🤺 WET DREAMS🤺 YEARNING🤺 PASSION🤺ATTRACTION🤺 AMOROUS 🤺INTENT🤺TOWARDS🤺 ANY🤺🤺MEMBER🤺 IN🤺 BTS🤺BESIDES🤺 EACH🤺 OTHER🤺
GET🤺 OUT 🤺OF🤺 YOUR🤺 IMAGINATION🤺
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If you are new to the shipping community I suggest you familiarize yourself with every ships dynamics or at least Jikooks- if multishipping isn't exactly your thing.
Jikook's entire dynamics is founded on JK teasing JM to death. It's their thing.
He's said he enjoys teasing Jimin because he loves Jimin's reaction to when he's being teased. In fact, the entire group have said same about Jimin.
Did you see JM's reaction to when JK called out the Yoonmin comment in the dynamite reaction VLive?
Did you see RMs reaction too?
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He is trying Jimin with these Yoonmin jokes. He's gonna get stabbed. Lmho.
Jimin reacts strongly to when JK in particular teases him with ships, Yoonmin more recently. Yet he didn't seem to mind when V did it.
V used to be the biggest Yoonminer on the planet rooting for and encouraging certain interactions between Yoonmin. Lmho.
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Jimin himself perpetuates Yoonmin as a ship.
It would be an insult on his intelligence for anyone to assume he didn't know exactly why people ship two people together or what interactions and moments is considered a moment in shipping sphere.
Statements like, why can't Suga hyung look me in the eye, why does he say I'm irreplaceable to him, insinuates something and he knows this.
Once upon a time, JK couldn't look you in the eyes too. Still can't sometimes.
Jimin has a presence and he has a hold on these men and he knows it.
He goes out of his way to create the impression he and Suga have a very close bond and dynamic- I'm sold on it. Lol.
'5 Jms? As expected. You'll fall in love with them' not sure if JM said the last bit in the BE.TS Vlive, yall check for me.
It's crazy then that he turns around to react the way he does when JK teases him with his ship with Suga.
It seems to me, Jimin knows the intent and energy behind such seemingly harmless jokes- JK can be petty and passive aggressive with these things. You'd think he is joking but deep down he would be pouting and throwing tantrums behind cams🤧
It's Jimin apologizing and looking like his spirit left his body as he sat on the edge of JK's bed in the new Jersey VLive for me.
He needs to free Jimin.
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Talk of things I'm getting too old for- Let's talk about why he posted his version of the bridge in disease online🤧
Not to say he shouldn't have posted it. I support that he did wholeheartedly. Deadass found his groove since he started unbuttoning the front of his shirts in 2020.
He's reclaiming the spotlight, putting himself at the forefront unlike before where he'd resigned himself to a supportive role watching his hyungs be at the center of things.
Now he's been talking about that he wants have sexy dance performances like Jimin, write rap melodies for RM, share his own music, try on a solo career one day- we get it. You found yourself Mr I'm independent asserting myself yall better fuxk off but chilee not at the expense of Jimin! 🤺
I mean it's a broad spotlight and they both can share it but damn is someone changing drastically. Not sure if I should be proud or terrified.
It's great and amazing and I'm really truly happy with where he's at mentally and physically since 2020- it's a great sign, don't get me wrong. Significant improvement. His becoming is long over due but he didn't have to grab the spotlight from Jimin like that.
Jk vs JM isn't something I'm a fan of.
It's a shame it didn't work out? What do you mean JK. I'm sorry but Jimin's version is amazing too!😟
What the actual hell JK😭
Back it up. This is not how to Jikook🤺
On guard sir🤺 on guard🤺
Dude did Jimin dirty🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧
I need a refund😭😭😭😭
Here I was waiting for y'all to get on your Jikook agenda and post that first Jikook selca of the year and you are there shipping Jimin with your bandmate and thiefing his shine. Who taught you that?!😥
Y'all are competitive but y'all don't compete with eachother's shine! JIKOOK 101😭😭😭
You share it😥
Show me where in the books this new development falls under. Show me
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You winging it and it's unconstitutional😟
I rebuke it in Jesus name!
Someone beam me up.
You got these 13 year olds coming in my DMs telling me you are not supportive of your man's career.
I don't have time for this shit.
SOMEONE BEAM ME UP! Kirk!
If you've watched their Be behind video, and you've seen Jin talk about how RM complained to him when Tae chose Suga's version over his version you'd know where JK is coming from or where I think he is coming from having JMs version chosen over his.
Watch their Be self interview on yt too.
He said there's a melody he worked on for RM and when Jhope thought he got snubbed he recommended he release it instead- to quench his artistic drive perhaps.
That is why he released this song. He did it for himself. Like he said, he won't put out a song unless he was confident about it.
Suga have said time and again how the music and melodies they create never go to waste because they can repurpose it like he did with Telepathy I think.
Even JK explained he was reserving the melody he made for RM for a future group song.
He could have repurposed this or something.
When Jin talked about V vs JM's Christmas song and kept repeating how much he preferred Jimin's song to Tae's because Jimin"s was bright and upbeat, he made sure to clarify he wasn't implying Tae's song was bad. He was just indicating preference.
I won't lie, I was happy he preferred my bias's song but it made my VMin heart ache a little.
V and JM made very different songs, they shouldn't be compared to eachother in that way.
I don't like competitions. And I don't like when two artists are pit against eachother- which is exactly what these two versions of the bridge is doing out here.
I will literally die if in an interview JM is asked about his part and JK isn't. I can't do this😭
Those saying JM's is better make me sick, and those saying JK's is better make me nauseous. They both great. Point blank purr.
What's even more heartbreaking is hearing how excited he really was to share that bit with Army. Dude's eyes was glistening and everything. His bunny smile! 😥
Thats what makes this very hard for me.
The JJK in me is overjoyed and excited that he is doing things that make him really happy. I'm proud of him.
But the PJM in me just😕
I even feel more guilty that I prefer JM's version this time around😭😭😭😭
I feel like I'm betraying JK🤧
I was so happy seeing JM recieve all the love and attention I know he deserves.
Then here comes his boyfriend
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'Hold up what about me!' Lol.
Imagine if RM releases the version of Blue and grey he made for Tae and it turns out we prefer that to the version Tae chose💀
Imagine that.
This has been a recurring theme throughout late 2020 to date. Jk's been choosing authenticity and self interests and passions over anything else and I couldn't be more happy for him.
Like we discussed, he's been learning to compromise too lately, which is great.
But honey this is a red flag. Deadass.
To me anyways😏
I've been a strong advocate for a certain level of independence and detachment in Jikook's dynamics because they lowkey exhibited codependency tendencies in their dynamics which is great for us shippers but not so great in the long run for their relationship or them as individuals .
Maybe I'm thinking out loud and prematurely here. I mean we are only beginning to have intimate access to their raw unscripted selves.
I don't think it's not that much of a big deal. RM and JM have equally shared their own versions of fake love on the internet but it is an interesting development in their dynamic to me.
I remember how happy JM was about his version of fake love, and it remains to date one of my favorite beats even though he was just spewing nonsense on that track. Lol.
He was so excited when he shared it with JK and Jin. He said when he showed it to JK the first time, JK said he loved it very much- how loving and supportive is that!
More of this please. Thank you.
PMS is a bitch y'all🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Has me in my feels about this.
I'm pretty sure JM is the one that even encouraged him to share his part in the first place. Won't put it past him.
'Ya Jungkook, release your version too'
'Army will love it'
'Right but I don't want it to seem like- Goldy is crazy you know'
'Goldy who now?'
'What about the thirteen year old fans-'
'Aht aht aht Who cares about them.'
Lmho.
I mentioned a few times on here how I felt JM seemed to have been demanding 'space' and a little bit of breathing room in their dynamic which was causing a little bit of tension here and there middle 2019 through to March last year and it all sounds like drama and speculation but...
May be if I told y'all I am a witch and my analysis of their relationship is based on mediums, phantom whisperers, empathetic readings or tarot cards y'all will leave me alone?🤥
Y'all don't seem to have a problem with the witches and empaths who be doing the same shit I do out here😒
Like we are all 'reading' these mens!
There's nothing wrong with 'psychoanalytically' evaluating a ship you know? Chilee.
Imma call myself a witch if it will get y'all off my back😹😹😹😹
I mentioned JK equally embarking on his own journey to assert himself within the group and within the relationship due to this?
But damn I did not see this one coming.
This is a red flag for me. And no, it doesn't mean they are broken up or having issues in their relationship.
Jk's TMI indicates they still been spending a lot of time together.
This is just a sign there's too much independence in their dynamic now- if you know what I mean.
Relationships flourish based on how attached we are to people- too much attachment is a problem, too little attachment is equally bad.
Jikook have always had a problem with over attachment in their dynamics in my opinion, to the point it was lowkey unhealthy- the jealousy, not being able to 'act professionally' within a group and work environment, having problems with being separated however briefly, constantly wanting to be where the other is etc.
Less attachment isnt necessarily a bad thing either. It means less of all the 'toxic' aspects of their relationship that over attachment brings but too much of that too can trigger anxiousness and insecurity and resentment.
Especially if one of them hates change. Cough Jimin.
With that comes all the wild aspects of love such as possessiveness, jealousy and I know JM doesn't do too well in that department...
In my opinion, I see JM as having a problem when JK breathes down his neck emotionally speaking, and at the same time he has a problem when he is too emotionally distant.
All this is interesting to me.
Who do I need to talk to to give me more of Jikook interactions individually or jointly?
I want to see more of their interactions beyond the overly staged, dramatized fanservice and official content.
Spending a lot of time around eachother and eating each other's ramen- pun intended, does not reflect on how intimate you are.
Intimacy requires depth and depth requires attachment.
How you treat eachother's needs and goals, dreams and desires is equally indicative of the intimacy in your relationship.
That has always been one distinctive quality of Jikook's ship.
And so I wonder the thought process that went into this decision. I know JM wouldn't object to JK sharing things like these or doing things that make him happy even if it has the potential to impact his own shine in any way.
Jikook don't compete against eachother.
I keep saying this.
Remember when I said I found it sus that JK was lying there staring at JM with his hands in between his legs?
Did yall see what the run editors said when JM and JK went up against each in the pool?
'Jikook don't play by the rules'
Jimin had to push JK in the water to end whatever ancient sex ritual foreplay rooted in kamasutra they had going on. Bless him.
And in so doing, he lost to JK.
Whenever they go up against eachother, one of them intentionally lose even though they are both very competitive.
Isn't that why JK said he'd rather 5 Jms so he can watch them compete against eachother?
When JK first made that post, I felt it was out of pettiness or a move to 'humble' JM.
I thought of when he'd posted that photo of himself with a hickey after JM had 'dated' him during the JinMinKook live.
I rolled my eyes and asked, 'what yall gays up to this time?' Why you out here humbling your man?
Anywho chilee we will never know.
At ease.
Signed,
GOLDY
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