#and like how are we defining healing from the pit

[iwriteasfotini]

Everyone Has a Story

This has been my tagline from the beginning and FINALLY I understand why!

*In this post I talk about my HC (aka my story) in an authoritative way. I am well aware this is not how everyone characterizes or reads these characters, nor should it be. Just FYI.

*There are also minor spoilers as I divulge certain things about each character’s journey through the fic.

Yesterday I had the honor of someone other than my partner (who really doesn’t know what he’s talking about but can spot typos occasionally) beta reading a few of the chapters of my story and the experience was both eye-opening and inspirational. What was pivotal was that the person isn’t part of the Marauders fandom, but my story most definitely is. The chapters they looked at are my Voldemort centric chapters. Apart from getting some welcome and much needed advice about dry writing things like capitalizations within dialogue, a few grammar rules, sentence flow, etc, they forced me to reflect on defining the purpose of my story. 

Because I was trying to explain (both to them and to myself) what the point of my million plus word series is to someone who isn’t invested in my ships (likewise I’m not invested in theirs). And I don’t think I did a very good job. This has been a struggle for me since I started writing. What is the point of this story? I know the story, I have over half of it written, and the other half is waiting in my head. But I have dabbled in trying to define it here and there in literal ways and artistic ways, and yet I’ve never been able to look at someone and say at its core this story is about… I’ve already had a handful of people tell me my story is starting off different from any Marauders era story they have read. Of course we are talking about five(ish) people and there are literally thousands of Marauders centric fanfics out there, maybe hundreds of thousands. So there likely is something similar to my story out there already, but it is interesting to me how many people have conveyed this message relative to the small number of people who have read it so far. 

And I can tell you it is because while it’s a Marauders era story, it is different. At least in my opinion. It’s the story I want to read about these characters (and I’m not eighteen years old). It’s also still teenage drama and relationship heavy. I like the coming of age aspect. Teenagers are interesting people. They are both more fallible and at times more capable than adults. I also have a particular passion for healthy human sexuality which I believe begins as early as toddlerhood but DEFINITELY arises in the tween/teen years. There is a bit of internal healing for myself going on in this aspect of the story. And I really did try to write it without this component but it felt so flat to me. Plus this is fanfiction and it’s easier to get away with things I couldn’t in a professionally published work.  

Then, last night, my toddler woke me up at 3 am (sore throat). I eventually went back to bed, and of course my brain went into full on processing mode. So I’m taking another stab at defining my story. 

At its heart, the story is a Lily Evans versus Tom Riddle arc.

But in a different way than canon. Both of them shared the canon ability to control magic prior to receiving their wands. Both of them were removed from the magical world until they turned eleven. And the way their magic manifests into adulthood is very different. Within this arc specifically, I play with examining the danger of prophecies within the magical world. The way a person’s personality can influence their access to magic, and either limit or widen their perspective. And the juxtaposition of a narcissist versus an altruistic. Both of them have flaws. And both of them have power beyond the typical magical person. 

Lily ultimately dies. But so in a way does Tom. And then their rivalry continues into Harry’s era through Harry himself being pitted against Tom Riddle/Voldemort even though Harry doesn’t choose this path the way his mother did. I have a canon divergent story in mind for these years which sits better with me than canon in specific correlation to MY story.

Why must this story be told through the characters I chose? Because I love these ships. Haha! Only partially kidding. There are many other arcs woven into the story through the various characters. Again, the fact they are all experiencing their coming of age years plays a huge role in why they work for me. Let’s look at them individually. There are seven main POV characters. 

Lily: Covered her already for the most part. But Lily’s story is also about loving yourself, making mistakes and growing from them, taking chances, trusting your intuition, and other teenage/coming of age themes. Lily is just a person with a full capacity to love, a badass, and someone who likes to take action. She is the main character pitted against the main villain.

Severus: The arc of language as power and as a social bond between humans. In my story Severus is a Spaniard, and Spanish is his first language. He grew up in Spain. When he moves to Cokeworth, language is a huge barrier for him in integrating with his peers in primary. He knows English, but he obviously has an accent and sticks out in the town’s demographic. But he connects with Lily, first over magic, then over language as he teaches her Spanish. This bond (which ultimately is the real life mirror of their soul bond) endures forever. Language united them as people from two different backgrounds. Magic united them as well, but the language aspect is more unique once they enter the magical world together. Losing Lily is devastating, and it does affect Severus for the rest of his life, hence some of his less than appealing adult characteristics. Severus is one of the characters I plan to canon diverge on in Harry’s era. 

Remus: The arc of a limited world view being harmful both mentally and physically (in Remus’ case). Remus is the werewolf. To explore his arc, he gets to learn about and even experience what life is like for werewolves who do not reside in the UK. It is only one other culture, certainly not comprehensive to the world. But life as a werewolf is VERY different. There is not only one way to manage a problem. And when we disregard the wisdom of cultures which look different from our own, we lose so much potential as humans. Remus is one of the characters I plan to canon diverge on in Harry’s era. 

Sirius: The arc of privilege doesn’t always equate to happiness. Also (because he lives long enough to move beyond the young adult years) the impact of trauma and how it affects a person over the course of many years. As in, can Sirius overcome his trauma to live a happy life as a functional adult? Sirius is the black sheep of his family. He also cares deeply about his little brother Regulus. He has very low self-worth and it causes all sorts of problems for him (including landing him in Azkaban for 12 years). Sirius is one of the characters I plan to canon diverge on in Harry’s era. 

Regulus: The arc of consequences of playing the game. I think about Voldemort and Dumbledore as game masters in this real world (fictional) game of war. Regulus (like Lily) is super powerful but because he had a different upbringing, his attitude about his power manifests in a slightly different way. Regulus and Lily end up with the same magical mentors and are good friends, but between their House characteristics and their personal histories, they approach the war in two different ways. Regulus is also arrogant, he’s a Black after all (which I think is why he pairs well with James, also arrogant). And this arrogance, which I feel is particularly well suited for the age of his character, comes back to bite him majorly. I mean he dies. 

James: I wrote a whole post about James’ character development (or potential lack thereof). His arc isn’t as clear to me. I think his arc might be the arc of loving too hard. James dies. So we don’t see him mature into a true adult. And while Voldemort kills him, I see James having died long before that. He’s what happens when we center our life around something tangible. Something which can be taken away, in his case a person. James becomes so integrated with Regulus he ceases to be able to function when he loses him. Losing a loved one is ALWAYS hard, but it is also survivable. In my life experience, no matter what your “eggs” are, if you put them all in one basket it’s a dangerous game to play. A person needs to define themselves through a wide array of likes, loves, interests, investments, etc. When we become narrowly focused, then LOSE the capability to pursue that focus, if we don’t have other things in life to fall back on, we can end up in a very dark place indeed. My tangible real life example of this is being a high performing athlete. If, due to injury whether temporary or enduring, an athlete loses the physical capacity to perform their sport, and they don’t have other things they are passionate about, it feels very much like the entire world is collapsing. Their whole sense of identity is gone, it is like a death in many ways. Some people push through. Some people fall into major life altering/life ending depression.

Barty: The arc of how a villain is made. Pretty straight forward. EVERYONE close to Barty peerwise fights for him to NOT join Voldemort. And in the end, due to many tragic circumstances, he does anyway. Not only does he but he becomes one of his most loyal servants. Yup, that story line is happening people. I’m not canon diverging on Barty’s role in Harry’s era. 

Beyond each character’s story arc, my story likes to take every event in canon and flip it on its head. As in, you think you know how or why these events transpired, but actually there is far more going on behind the scenes. I also stretch my creative liberties to the fullest extent where magic is concerned. From wandless magical practices from around the world, to the six types of magic, how they manifest and relate to each other, to why some magical people are more powerful than others (aka the individual magical well). It is only canon in the sense that the characters discover all this magic from individuals with niche interests (like Xenophilius Lovegood) or from mentors who are from or have studied magic in other cultures. It isn’t traditionally taught at Hogwarts. It is not well known in the UK. Thus it fits, if you figure Dumbledore was just exceptionally negligent with Harry’s magical education. Which I actually think he was, but I also think there is a reason he chose to withhold so much from Harry. You know who wasn't negligent about Harry's magical education, Severus. Though in the framework of what he knows and is capable of in my story the case could be well argued he too was negligent. This is one reason why I'm canon diverging eventually. 

This story is not canon compliant. It follows the canon timeline of events through Chamber of Secrets. That being said, as the story I want to tell myself about these characters, it works in tandem with canon FOR ME. I like the ethnic diversity of the cast. I like exploring queer romantic relationships, especially trying to be authentic and not shove them into hetero gender roles/norms (I have no idea if I’m succeeding, but I am trying). I also like exploring the various types of platonic relationships and the deep connections people forge with one another, particularly in times of hardship. Sibling/family love, friendship love, and romantic love all have a place in the human experience. 

So, after this VERY long essay, I hope you can see why, if you choose to read my story, it might feel a little different than other Marauders fics. That is not to say other authors are not exploring these themes. And it is certainly not to say what I claim to be doing, I am doing well. I am a very new fiction writer and this work is as much about my own exploration and skill honing as the characters experience. But I think the combination of the real world arcs, the intensely emotional ships and platonic relationships, AND the world building shape the story into something memorable. It’s also why I have laid out the story the way I have. Each POV character has their own work, their arc takes front and center focus for the duration of that installment, while through their POV we maintain a connection with the arcs of various other characters. 

I’d like to again thank my beta reader for reading my Voldemort chapters, asking awesome questions, giving fabulous suggestions, and being so encouraging about writing how I want to write. Almost every choice I make in the story is intentional. Sometimes the intention has deep meaning, other times it is merely because I find certain characterizations and events to be entertaining or to progress the character development I’m aiming for in the main seven. Either way, I encourage questions about why things are the way they are. This is fun! It makes me think critically about my choices and see things from a different person’s POV (something I absolutely love to do).

Please excuse any typos in this, it is very long and I wrote it before the sun rose.

[inadvisablebutinevitable]

hellooo how would you rank the aftg characters personally? like in order of favorite to least favorite?

bestie I actually wrote a whole thesis essay response before realizing how unhinged it is so here is the abridged version: (note this is all for the canon versions of these characters, fanon ratings would probably be different)

Neil Josten

David Wymack

Nicky Hemmick (I know I know but it will take me 1000000 years to explain all my Nicky thoughts)

Kevin Day

Matt Boyd

Andrew Minyard (WHY IS HE THIS LOW?? Guys I don’t know I do love him I promise I would do anything for him)

Allison Reynolds

Jean Moreau (once again should be higher I love him I do)

Danielle Wilds (her and Allison could also swap places and I’d still be like “yeah that’s right” bc I love them both)

Catalina Alvarez (my fave tsc character besides Jean she means everything to me you don’t understand)

Jeremy Knox (I love him I do I just know nothing abt him)

Renee Walker (it physically hurts me to put her this low I love her so much I would die for her)

Laila Dermott

Aaron Minyard (don’t come at me pls I like him and I love fanon Aaron I just wasn’t Aaron’s number one fan in canon but I still have so much love and respect for him I swear)

Seth Gordon

I don’t really hate any of these characters I swear (except Riko he’s ranked so low he didn’t deserve a spot on the list) ((he’s a compelling villain tho)) (((Tetsuji is ranked like -100000000 I will never forgive Tetsuji ever)))

if you really want my never ending thoughts here they are under the cut:

warning for a long ass post I’m so sorry because sometimes even I can’t focus enough to read my own long posts

I have spent so long staring at this ask and trying to figure out how I can pit my children against each other but here is my best try: (this is in order of how much I enjoyed their characters personally when I was reading. The list would prob be different if I was ranking them as people and not as characters):

Neil Josten. It’s always gonna be Neil I’m sorry. Recency bias means that I’m currently thinking (and posting) abt Jean 24/7 but Neil Josten will always take the cake for me in ways I can’t even articulate. His dry humour and narrative choices always have me in stitches. He’s got so much trauma but he doesn’t want to do anything about it but push it down until he meets people he cares about and they found family him into actually healing. He cares so deeply and loves in such a subtle but incredibly strong way. I don’t know how to even express this without saying that the reason I can’t put aftg down every time I pick it up is because of Neil. He tells the story in a way that makes me want to know everything about literally every scene. It’s all Nora ofc but the personality between the lines is how I define “Neil” and I will never not love it. You’ve got me going and now I’m not gonna stop. I can’t even apologize for the length bc I will never apologize for yapping about Neil Josten I say that shit with my FULL CHEST

David Wymack. Do I even have to explain myself here? Those are his fucking KIDS and he would do ANYTHING for them while being a SASSY LITTLE SHIT about it the whole time plus he’s a DILF I would kill and die for him.

Nicky Hemmick don't shoot me pls LOOK do I think what he did to Neil in Edens was at all ok? Absolutely not. When I first read tfc I was HARDCORE hating on Nicky and then trk and tkm made him one of my favourite characters. I don’t think he’s perfect but I love the way he loves. It isn’t hard for him, none of the monsters had to prove themselves to Nicky, or even try to be a decent friend for Nicky to automatically decide that these were his people and that he cares about them. When we meet him Aaron is a homophobic dick to him and Andrew literally pulls a knife on him and yet we immediately find out that he willingly dropped everything and moved an ocean away from his home and his boyfriend to raise them both in the US and not ONCE does he act like he seriously regrets it. Me? I would be holding that shit over their heads every time they act disrespectful but for Nicky loving them despite the shit they put him through is not even a question. It’s not even just the twins too. That one scene where Neil asks “are we? Friends?” And Nicky is SO SHOCKED that Neil didn’t know and goes “oh kiddo of course!!” is my Roman Empire. Plus he’s hilarious obviously.

Kevin Day guys I love him ok, the first two books he compelled me but TKM he POPPED OFF. “I’ve never been skiiing” BANGER “I’m gonna be the deadliest piece on the board” GOOSEBUMPS, “My father comes to all my games” HAD ME IN TEARS. Don’t even get me STARTED on that sexy ass racquet hand switch at championships I’m going to combust. I love that he’s literally obsessed with exy and has the most complicated relationships with the mc’s of every book and yet steals the show every time. Kevin Day I love you.

Matt Boyd. I love him because he would love me for putting Neil first and kill me for not putting Dan before him. He loves his girlfriend and his homies and his sport and cars in that order. He’s a golden retriever who saw a team full of scary-ass wolves and still tries to be friends with them. He wasn’t a part of the “clique” that Neil was in but he did not let that affect his perception or love for Neil in any way. He’s been to hell and came out with just as much love in his heart as he did when he came in. He told Neil that he didn’t know if Andrew would be good for him but then he saw that Andrew fought Kevin for him and decided that he approved bc all that mattered to him was that Neil had someone who would defend him the way Matt would. Then he immediately becomes the #1 wingman right before the shower scene bc he would rather die than cockblock his homie. I love him so much

Andrew Minyard. Like Nicky, I was absolutely a HATER in book one and then he became one of my faves. I like that he’s brave and determined, standing despite everything when the world tried to put him down, but not without his flaws. I really appreciate that Andrew isn’t perfect, he struggles, he’s violent when it’s necessary and sometimes when it’s not. I love how he was always willing to protect Neil, despite everything in him telling him that Neil couldn’t be trusted. He’s a flawed man, but at his core, a good one.

Allison Reynolds is that girl. She reminds me of Andrew (both of them would kill me for saying that) because she takes no shit and gives no fucks. She’s who 16 year old me wanted to be when I grew up. She goes through every emotion in these books and comes out full of righteous anger and uses that to kick the raven’s ASSES and I’m so here for that

Jean Moreau. It’s weird to me that he’s so low because I love him he’s my special boy. I thought that he was interesting in TRK but Riko was a more compelling villain to me. Then ofc we learn that he was never meant to be the villain and he was ranked just below Kevin for me because I just wanted him to be happy. Then tsc happened and he became my hyper fixation. He has a VERY similar sense of humor as Neil except for Neil his jokes were directed at abnormal behaviour, and for Jean he just gets so appalled at the most normal things. I digress about his humor I love Jean and if u want to know why just read literally any of my posts

Danielle Wilds is my GIRL. Her story compels me so much and I really wish we got more backstory for her (obvs we got plenty considering the cast of characters is so huge but still… I want more). She loves her team so much despite everything and she works so hard to keep them together I wanna give her a hug and a kiss. (That scene in TKM right after Andrew breaks Riko’s arm Dan was the FIRST one to find Neil and she was so concerned about him she cares about him so much STOP they’re FAMILY I LOVE THEM)

Catalina Alvarez was my favourite character in tsc (aside from Jean) because I love her so much. @theresalwaysafiresomewhere said that cat reminds her of me and it was still to this day the best compliment I’ve ever received. I cannot name a single thing abt cat I don’t like so I’m just gonna keep going.

Jeremy Knox is only this low bc I still know nothing about this man. Reading his pov and seeing him thru Jean’s eyes was helpful in securing him a spot in my list of faves tho, I want to know everything about him please Nora please

Renee Walker also should not be this low it physically hurts me to put her here but like most other characters in this half of the list, she didn’t compel me as much until tkm. Just a personal thing I guess. I do love her though and I wish she got more time with Jean. It still bothers me that she loved Jean but was the bigger person about it and knew that they weren’t at the right place in their lives, and yet we don’t get to see how making this decision affects her. I think she deserves to be loved more. I hope she gets a happy ending the same way Jean does.

Laila Dermott I love her I just don’t really know enough abt her

Aaron Minyard I like him I promise I do he’s got some of the best one-liners! He killed drake did all that in college with an gf and all the power to him but really I think that fanon aaron just appealed to me way more. Canon Aaron just annoyed me because— gunshots actually you know what maybe it’s once again because unreliable narrator Neil hated him and Neil’s my fave so I had to be a hater too 😔

Seth. I know some fans love him and I respect that but I just… idk I don’t see the appeal. Fanon Seth is great tho I’m a fan.

Canon Thea is somewhere on this list near Laila again bc I love her but I don’t know enough about her to be like “yeah she’s my fave”. The version of Thea I created in my head based on the crumbs the books and the ec gave us, on the other hand… she’d probably be somewhere up there with Kevin

[grailfinders]

Grailfinders #315: Habetrot

today on Grailfinders, we’re finally getting the hell out of lostbelt six! we’ve just got one more faerie to go and we’re free until summer finally kills us. all we need to do is Habetrot, so let’s take a look at her kit, probably just another sewing servant….

huh.

wow, I just spoiled so much of this lostbelt for myself! everything past this point is going under a cut.

so! Habetrot! she’s going to be an Ancients Paladin to literally be an ancient paladin (as well as to sew some sick wedding dresses), and she’s also a Witherbloom Warlock because literally no one in this lostbelt can keep their hands off weapons that will kill them. realistically she should be a hexblade, but a) we literally just did a hexadin, and b) the black barrel strikes me less as a sentient weapon and more as just. a giant ball of radioactivity.

so with that out of the way, let’s get building!

(as usual, a character sheet can be found here, and next up: sword baby)

Ancestry and Background

Habetrot is obviously a Fairy, unless you spell it correctly, then she’s a Faerie. who has Fairy Magic including Faerie Fire at third level. make it make sense. that makes the creatures in an area glowy if they fail a save, giving everyone else advantage to hit them, it’s a big boost to your crit star generation. off the bat though you have access to the Druidcraft cantrip, which is a more themed prestidigitation, just a billion tiny effects rolled into a single spell. and at level five you can Enlarge/Reduce creatures, and if you grow larger you can hit harder than usual, because a person-sized baby hits harder than a person-sized person. you can also shrink, but then you deal less damage with melee attacks. your faerie fire and enlarge/reduce share a single free cast per day, but you can also cast them (using your Charisma) with your existing spell slots. you can also fly, which makes your dirigible kind of pointless but we’ll get it anyway.

oh right, almost forgot. as a faerie you have free reign over your ability increases, but I picked +2 Dexterity and +1 Charisma here.

while I could use Habetrot’s waybackground, I’ll keep things kind of recent and call her a Guild Artisan. that gives her proficiency in Insight and Persuasion, and also means she has to pay regular dues to her guild boss. Boggart runs a tight ship, better not be late.

Ability Scores

Boggart hasn’t eaten you yet for some reason, so I bet your Charisma is super high. that and your Dexterity. balancing on a giant balloon is hard, and you’re also a crack shot with a gun. we have to make your Strength the third highest for multiclassing, but if you can convince your DM to ignore this you should dump it instead. she is literally a baby. physically, anyway. that being said your Constitution is still above average, babies can bounce back from just about anything. that means your Wisdom and Intelligence are low, having trouble learning things was your defining trait for quite a while.

Class Levels

1. Paladin 1: I promise this will make sense in the long run, just go with me here. starting off you’re good at Wisdom and Charisma saves, because magic doesn’t work on faeries that well. you’re also good at Medicine, it’s kind of like how Carpenters also used to be Surgeons, and you’ve got Religion down pat. the closest thing to a god in this land is rotting in a pit. there, that’s religion. you still know more than most people, tbh.

you can use Divine Sense to detect a couple types of creatures around you, but uh, spoiler alert! they’re faeries. they’re all faeries, you’re surrounded by faeries for thousands of years.

you can also Lay on Hands as an action, mending someone’s dress to give them some HP. you have a pool of five times your level each day to use, and spending five HP can heal someone from a poison or disease. when you say debuff immunity, you mean it.

2. Paladin 2: second level paladins can pick a Fighting Style, and you’re not really into fighting that much, so I guess you’re a Blessed Warrior. with this you can pick up two cleric cantrips of your choice and can even swap them out on level-ups, though for my money there’s only two we need. grab Thaumaturgy for the second of the three “do what you want” cantrips, and Mending, because making a character whose entire thing is sewing without the ability to mend would be a crime.

while we’re talking about Spells, you can cast those now. you get some spell slots, and your Charisma powers them. I’d grab Cure Wounds for your first skill, and Ceremony so you can finally find a use for all these stupid dresses you keep making since nobody actually gets married in britain. if they refuse to marry, you will make them marry. and get a +2 bonus to their AC for a week to boot!

you can also add a Divine Smite to a melee attack by spending a spell slot, but you don’t really use melee weapons. the only smite that doesn’t care what weapon you use is Branding Smite, and we won’t get that until fifth level. stay strong, habbe.

3. Paladin 3: but enough doom and gloom, let’s talk subclasses! as an Oath of Ancients paladin, you have an extended spell list, which now includes Ensnaring Strike to tie up an enemy with sewing supplies, or Speak with Animals to speak with animals. fey animals seem to be able to talk anyway, but still.

you can also Channel Divinity once a short rest in one of two flavors. you can spend an action to incur Nature’s Wrath on a foe, forcing a strength or dexterity save or they become restrained by vines I mean thread. you can also Turn the Faithless as an action, forcing every fey/fiend in thirty feet of you to make a… Wisdom save, or they become turned for a minute and have to run away from you.

you are a fey. huh.

this is the closest I could get to the downside of Habetrot’s third skill, WotC still isn’t big on players hurting themselves, even if they can’t get enough of shooting themselves in the foot.

4. Paladin 4: use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Dexterity. if you have to pick up a weapon, you might as well be decent at it.

5. Paladin 5: fifth level paladins get an Extra Attack each attack action, as well as second level spells! as mentioned, Branding Smite is the only smite you get that is okay with ranged weapons, and it adds an effect to the enemy for up to a minute if it hits, preventing them from going invisible- kind of like faerie fire, in a way!

in a similar vein, your oath spell Moonbeam deals extra damage to shapechangers, and Misty Step is just a good utility spell to have. if you’re in a bad situation, stop being there.

you can also buff up your friends’ dresses with Aid to give them extra HP for the day, or you can Find Steed to get a balloon to ride on. it can’t fly yet, so I guess we’re still trying to find some helium.

6. Paladin 6: sixth level paladins exude an Aura of Protection, adding your charisma modifier to all saves you or nearby friends make, no limitations (aside from you being conscious). when you said debuff immunity, you meant it.

7. Paladin 7: seventh level ancient paladins finally get something that is 100% unequivocally useful- the Aura of Warding. you and all your nearby friends have resistance to spell magic. there’s a reason nobody in britain uses magecraft.

8. Paladin 8: I think we’re late enough in the build to break out the serious spoilers now. use this ASI to pick up the Squire of Solamnia feat and become one of Aesc/Tonelico’s most trusted knights. now you can mount or dismount for only five feet of movement, and you can make a Precise Strike when you attack with any kind of weapon, giving yourself advantage plus an extra d8 of damage. you can do this proficiency times per day, once per turn, though you only burn through uses if the attack actually hits.

9. Paladin 9: ninth level paladins don’t get much, but they do get third level spells! your freebies are Plant Growth and Protection from Energy, but I’d say your best fit atm is Crusader’s Mantle. it might not be crit stars, but it will make everyone’s weapons a lot shinier as they do radiant damage. this also works on ranged weapons, yay!

10. Paladin 10: if that’s not enough auras, here’s one more! with the Aura of Courage, you and nearby allies never have to worry about being frightened! I know, Morgan’s scary, but it won’t help any if her allies get frightened too!

11. Warlock 1: we’ve covered Morgan’s fall from… errr, “grace” doesn’t quite sound right, plus she actually became queen, so it’s more of a rise… whatever. she’s queen now, you’re hanging out with boggart when this pretty young thing walks in with a god-killing weapon on her back. it’d be best if you take that off her hands, right?

obviously the “best” fit for this would be making it a Hexbladepatron, but we just did that and it’s not sentient, so we’ll make do with Witherbloom. starting at level one you learn some Pact Magic, a separate set of spell slots you can cast using your Charisma. there’s not a lot of them, but they recharge on short rests!

right now you can cast Eldritch Blast for a quick burst fire, Prestidigitation to fulfill our “do anything” cantrip trio, and you can either Hex an enemy to further empower the black barrel against them or craft an Armor of Agathys to make a protective gown out of ice for a lucky maiden. oh this spell’s actually just for you. you look nice in it though, and we’ll get something else later.

you also get an extended spell list of Witherbloom Spells, including Spare the Dying and Cure Wounds for more dress patching. you also get Inflict Wounds, which both feels out of character and also is a melee attack.

of course the real reason we’re going to college is for Witherbloom’s Essence Tap. as a bonus action up to proficiency times per day, you can empower yourself in one of two ways for up to a minute. Overgrowth is nice, letting you spend your bonus actions healing yourself by spending hit dice, but we’re here to make a black barrel, and for that we need to make Withering Strikes. when you deal any kind of damage, you can turn it into necrotic damage while ignoring the typical resistances.

12. Warlock 2: at second level you get two Eldritch Invocations to help make your warlock levels tailor-made to your needs. we’re saving one for next level as usual, but pick up Armor of Shadows now for free mage armor… also on yourself though. darn. the warlock spell list is a little greedy, huh? Charm Person is nice though. that one’s barely magic, you’re just personable.

13. Warlock 3: at level three we’re taking the Pact of the Blade to make an Improved Pact Weapon. I would love to give you the heavy crossbow option for the black barrel, but sadly you’re too small and babyish for DND to let you use the big guns. so instead, you can spend an action to summon a light crossbow of any design you wish to your hand. it gets +1 to all attacks and damage rolls, deals magical damage, and can be used to cast your warlock spells. you can also turn magic weapons into your pact weapon if you like, so if you come across a real black barrel mid-adventure feel free to scoop it up.

speaking of spells though, you get plenty. as a witherbloom student you get Lesser Restoration and Ray of Enfeeblement for free, so… I guess giving an enemy weaker attacks is kind of like giving your friends defense buffs? we’re also stretching by grabbing Earthbind, helping you tie flying enemies to the ground with your sewing equipment.

14. Warlock 4: at fourth level you can bump up your Charisma with an ASI for stronger spells and auras. if your balloon is light enough, maybe Mage Hand will help it fly? if not, wait until next level. also, probably use Invisibility to stay safe in the meantime. it would be terrible to die right before a build comes together.

15. Warlock 5: at fifth level warlocks get third level spells. Fly will finally help your balloon leave the ground, while Revivify and Vampiric Touch… are free.

the real reason we stuck around this long was for the invocation Eldritch Smite, which finally lets your black barrel do the kind of damage you’d expect. it’s similar to divine smites, but they can only use warlock slots, deal force damage instead of radiant, and they knock stuff over instead of dealing extra damage to zombies.

16. Paladin 11: I don’t think that’s enough pain though. with Improved Divine Smite all your weapon attacks deal an extra 1d8 radiant damage! all your… melee… attacks. dammit, not again.

17. Paladin 12: okay, okay, we can save this. we just need to make a gun that can kill a god no matter what their health is in four levels. I’ve got it. Use this last ASI to pick up Metamagic Adept for two sorcery points and two kinds of metamagic you can use. we’re here for Distant spell to make your gun have some proper range, but Careful is nice too. I don’t think you have many AoE spells, it just feels in character.

18. Paladin 13: you’ve finally got fourth level spells, congrats! Ice Storm and Stoneskin are nice, but we’re here for two things. Find Greater Steed will give you a flying mount so you can finally stop wasting concentration on a balloon, and Banishment will help you kill gods.

well, not so much kill is permanently relocate them back to their home planes, but tomato tomatl. you can also use this on creatures from the plane you’re already on, but that’ll only banish them for a good minute.

19. Paladin 14: you can now use your Cleansing Touch as an action charisma modifier times a day, ending one spell on you or a willing creature. there is a reason. faeries don’t use magecraft.

20. Paladin 15: our final level of ancients paladin turned you into an Undying Sentinel. when you drop to 0 HP without dying you can drop to 1 instead once a day. you’re Mash’s guardian faerie, after all.

also, you don’t suffer the drawbacks of old age and can’t be magically aged. I don’t think faeries really have a “natural” lifespan, but if they did you’ve long since exceeded it.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

there’s a dearth of enemies in D&D with ranged options, so being a ranged fighter is always a smart move. a smarter move is being a ranged fighter who can fly. and you excel at that, with plenty of cool ways to pump out damage from a distance and keep even the winged bastards you have to fight from ever getting close. being able to ignore a semi-common resistance doesn’t hurt either.

you also come packing a ton of support options thanks to your auras and healing spells basically nullifying most-if not all- magical effects on your party, up to and including magical damage.

as a paladin faerie you’ve got plenty of tools in your kit for dealing with fae, demons, and undead, who tend to be the biggest troublemakers in the forgotten realms.

Cons:

while you have plenty of damage options, the best are reserved for melee paladins, which you aren’t. unless you risk getting close, you straight-up cannot use divine smite, improved divine smite, turn the faithless, or inflict wounds.

speaking of your support, guess how much of that requires you to be right next to your party! just about all of it, that’s right! having a gun is fun, but actually using it hampers both your offense and defense.

your highest level spell slot is fourth level. Find Greater Steed is cool and all, but is it really worth your highest spell slot? none of these creatures have more than 60 hp, so they will last at best a round or two in a fight. the biggest benefit of greater steeds are their ability to fly, but you can already do that.

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

           Brigid, the Celtic Goddess of Poetry, Healing, and Smithcraft.            She is a professor at Phoenix University.

FC NAME/GROUP: Apink Chorong  GOD NAME: Brigid PANTHEON: Celtic  OCCUPATION: professor of health science at phoenix university HEIGHT:  163 cm WEIGHT: 46 kg DEFINING FEATURES: her hair changes shades of red/orange depend on her mood

PERSONALITY: a bright young woman filled to the brim of compassion and love for others yet constantly worrying whether she making the right decisions in her lifetime. The fire burning in the pit of her stomach never ceases driving her forward to build bright and better future for everyone creating new strategies to engage her students . always full of energy trying to put on smiles on others faces even when she feels sad she always manage to force a smile just to make sure the others don’t worry about her. forever a busy bee, she must pack her planner to the brim not wanting to waste any time, enjoying life to full. heed this fair warning, she does have bit of temper and she will kick your ass if she push her too much, Saint Brigid will bring her fury.

HISTORY: The God Dagda gave birth to a child named Brigit, when Brigid was born she had flames shooting out from her head, and through them, she was united with the cosmos. As a baby, Brigid drank the milk of a sacred cow that came from the spirit world. Thus making her the half sister of Cermait, Aengus, Midir and Bodb Derg.

Worshippers sometimes call Brigid the “Triple Goddess” for her fires of the hearth, inspiration, and the forge. She is a powerful being and through her fires, she is the patroness of healing arts, fertility, poetry, music, prophecy, agriculture, and smith-craft. Brigid adored her worshippers, she was always found herself walking among them giving them all she had and helping them. Due to her compassionate nature, the story about Saint Brigit was born being only one of the pagan gods to be converted into christian story. It was sad that people were turn away from the celtic gods & goddesses yet her story managed to endure the test of time.

There was a time when she was married to Bres, he was the king of the Tuatha Dé Danann, He was an unpopular king, and favoured his Fomorian kin ( Their traditional rivals are the Fomorians who seem to represent the harmful or destructive powers of nature ). Their marriage was to build relations between the Tuatha Dé Danann & Fomorian, she was blinded by the love for him as Bres is beautiful to behold, yet harsh and inhospitable and their child Ruadan who was later was slain while fighting for the Fomorians while trying to assassinate Goibniu. Bríg invents keening, a combination of weeping and singing, while mourning for her son. She truly hates war of any kind it always brings her so much pain and sorrow due to being a mother once before then losing a son.

The goddess vowed never to raise another child again and let them be raised by their human parents instead as she rather not mourn over another one of her children death once again. Despite that not raising them, she wanted help guide them teaching important skill sets as all demigod need to build home for themselves, how to patch themselves up after scrap and finally to defend themselves in hand to hand combat. The goddess is filled with wisdom of the ages why not use to help each generation grow and thrive into the next. She always mingled teaching the humans as caring mother to all, it helped fill the hole missing from death of her flesh and blood. Once age of technology came up, she loved sharing diy hacks onto social media along self-defense techniques. Followed by having little etsy shop selling cute metal trinkets.

At phoenix university, she is professor of health sciences, she examines the science behind health, from individual health to global issues like epidemics or the treatment of dementia. The science that underpins the function of the human mind and body. Exploring the incidence, diagnosis and treatment of disease and disability, and examine the maintenance and improvement of health in different populations. Naturally, any supernatural demi-god related diseases along the importance of botany. If demi-god wants to work at asclepius general they probably end up in her class at some point. Not only does she teach at university, on Friday evening she runs self-defense club teaching martial arts to students and staff alike to keep themselves safe along with metal work in her university metal shop on Wednesday evenings. What is the point having all this knowledge not sharing it with others.

POWERS: doesn’t really have super amazing abilities like other goddesses yet she is very skilled metal worker which is great being diy person. She is natural talent in  medicine to patch up any injures which the workers may have while building since it is dangerous job. brigid is natural poet who loves the arts & very creative soul she tends have the ability to talk her way out of anything, mostly anything. finally, she is well-verse in martial arts she knows how to take someone down without batting eyelid never underestimate her or you could end up regretting it.

STRENGTHS:  ( + ) physical strong ( + ) diy master ( + ) silver-tongued

WEAKNESSES:  ( - ) guilty conscience, holds a lot of guilt & tough on herself ( - ) only sees the good in people, not the bad. ( - ) unable heal others by touch yet by knowledge about herbs & medicine

[gildedleafmedspa]

Transform Your Skin with Effective Acne Scarring Treatment | Gilded Leaf Medspa

Introduction: The Struggle with Acne Scars

Acne is a common skin condition that affects millions of people worldwide, often leaving behind scars that can be emotionally and physically challenging to deal with. Acne scars can vary in type and severity, ranging from shallow depressions to deep pits, and they often persist long after the acne itself has cleared. These scars can affect one's self-esteem and overall confidence, making effective treatment essential for many individuals.

At Gilded Leaf Medspa, we understand the impact that acne scars can have on your life, and we are dedicated to offering advanced treatments that can help you achieve smoother, clearer skin.

Understanding Different Types of Acne Scars

Before exploring treatment options, it’s important to understand the different types of acne scars, as each type may require a specific approach for effective treatment.

Atrophic Scars: These are the most common type of acne scars and appear as small indentations in the skin. They include:

Ice Pick Scars: Narrow, deep scars that extend into the dermis, resembling small, sharp indentations.

Boxcar Scars: Broad, box-like depressions with defined edges, often found on the cheeks and temples.

Rolling Scars: Wide, shallow depressions with a rolling appearance, giving the skin a wave-like texture.

Hypertrophic Scars: These are raised, firm scars that develop above the surface of the skin. Unlike atrophic scars, hypertrophic scars are the result of an overproduction of collagen during the healing process.

Post-Inflammatory Hyperpigmentation (PIH): Although not technically a scar, PIH appears as dark spots or patches on the skin where acne lesions have healed. These spots are caused by an excess of melanin in response to inflammation and can take months to fade without treatment.

Why Acne Scarring Occurs

Acne scars form as a result of the skin's attempt to heal itself after severe acne lesions, such as cysts or nodules, damage the skin's deeper layers. When the skin tissue is destroyed, the body produces collagen to repair the area. If too little collagen is produced, atrophic scars form; if too much collagen is produced, hypertrophic scars develop.

The likelihood of developing acne scars can depend on several factors, including the severity and duration of acne, genetics, and how the acne was treated. Picking or squeezing acne lesions can also increase the risk of scarring.

Advanced Acne Scarring Treatments at Gilded Leaf Medspa

At Gilded Leaf Medspa, we offer a range of advanced treatments designed to address different types of acne scars. Our experienced team works closely with each patient to develop a personalized treatment plan that targets their specific scarring concerns.

Laser Resurfacing

Laser resurfacing is one of the most effective treatments for acne scars, particularly for atrophic scars. This treatment uses focused light energy to remove the outer layers of damaged skin, stimulate collagen production, and encourage the growth of new, healthy skin cells.

Fractional CO2 Laser: This type of laser creates micro-injuries in the skin, which trigger the body's natural healing process and boost collagen production. The treatment is ideal for reducing the depth of atrophic scars and improving skin texture.

Erbium Laser: The erbium laser is a gentler option that targets the epidermis and is effective for treating shallow scars and PIH. It’s suitable for patients with lighter skin tones.

Microneedling

Microneedling involves using a device with fine needles to create tiny punctures in the skin. These micro-injuries stimulate collagen and elastin production, helping to smooth out atrophic scars and improve overall skin texture.

Microneedling can be enhanced with the application of growth factors or platelet-rich plasma (PRP) to accelerate healing and boost results. This treatment is suitable for all skin types and has minimal downtime.

Chemical Peels

Chemical peels use a solution to exfoliate the top layers of skin, promoting cell turnover and revealing smoother, more even-toned skin beneath. Chemical peels are particularly effective for treating superficial scars and PIH.

Superficial Peels: These peels use mild acids like glycolic acid or salicylic acid to target the epidermis, making them ideal for reducing PIH and improving skin tone.

Medium to Deep Peels: Stronger peels like trichloroacetic acid (TCA) penetrate deeper into the skin to treat more pronounced scars.

Dermal Fillers

For deeper atrophic scars, dermal fillers can be injected into the scarred area to lift the depression and create a smoother skin surface. Fillers like hyaluronic acid or calcium hydroxylapatite provide immediate results, although they are temporary and may require repeat treatments.

Subcision

Subcision is a minor surgical procedure used to treat tethered scars, such as rolling scars. A small needle is inserted beneath the scar to break the fibrous bands that are pulling the skin down, allowing the skin to rise and smooth out. Subcision is often combined with other treatments like laser therapy or microneedling for enhanced results.

Radiofrequency (RF) Microneedling

This treatment combines the collagen-boosting effects of microneedling with the skin-tightening benefits of radiofrequency energy. RF microneedling is effective for treating both atrophic and hypertrophic scars, as well as improving skin texture and tone.

Expected Results and Post-Treatment Care

The results of acne scarring treatments vary depending on the severity of the scars and the type of treatment used. Patients often see a noticeable improvement in the appearance of their scars after just one treatment, with continued improvement over time as collagen production increases.

Post-treatment care is crucial for achieving optimal results and minimizing the risk of side effects. This includes:

Avoiding Sun Exposure: Protecting your skin from the sun is essential, as UV exposure can worsen scars and hinder the healing process. Always wear broad-spectrum sunscreen with at least SPF 30.

Following Skincare Guidelines: Use gentle, non-irritating skincare products as recommended by your specialist. Avoid harsh exfoliants and active ingredients that may irritate the skin.

Hydration and Moisturization: Keeping your skin hydrated promotes healing and helps maintain the results of your treatment.

Conclusion: Embrace Clearer, Smoother Skin

Acne scars don’t have to be a permanent reminder of past breakouts. With the advanced treatments available at Gilded Leaf Medspa, you can significantly reduce the appearance of acne scars and restore a smoother, more even complexion. Our personalized approach ensures that each patient receives the best possible care tailored to their unique skin needs.

If you’re ready to take the next step towards clearer, scar-free skin, contact Gilded Leaf Medspa today to schedule a consultation. Let us help you regain your confidence and embrace a brighter, more radiant appearance.

[illseeyouinidaho]

Ocean. Ocean—

"The most beautiful part of your body is where it’s headed. & remember, loneliness is still time spent with the world."

It’s funny. All I’ve been doing is thinking since I stepped foot on campus. Now, I can’t think of anything to say. Of course, there is so much to say. But none of it is immediately bubbling to the surface. It’s late, after all. I’m digesting food, too.

I wondered today if you were happy or sad. When I waved at your friend, without realizing you were beside her, you waved back, as she did, you though with a frown.

I spoke to a my favorite jewish ginger giant today about you. He says that everyone’s adjusting to something, the first week of school, to new relationships and to know that you’re not going through it all alone. I read him the poem above, he didn’t say much. He didn’t have to, of course. I said that it made me feel comforted. I said to him, like I’ve said to a few other confidants, that I feel like I’ve lost the beating drum to my livelihood, the tempo, the marching snare, the passion pit. I told him that you were that for me. I can’t quite remember what he said to that. Sometimes I feel your eyes on my back watching me wander around the campus. I wonder if being in the city by yourself just meant being in the city without me.

I always thought that change comes naturally or not at all. I’ve been going to the gym the last couple days, and plan on going tomorrow at least. I have more time on my hands, more thoughts to expel, more things to prove. I’d like to get bigger: my chest broader, my triceps more defined, my chest also enlarged, too. It’s always something I’ve wanted but the new motivation for it is obvious. If that’s true then I’m probably just proving her eternal point: better off separated. I want to tell her she knows nothing above love. And that one day she will understand, and think of me, and say that I was right. That I was right about it all.

But that was yesterday. And I do not always feel that way. Some days I feel that this hiatus is the right move. I think this only under the right condition: that she is learning what it means to find peace within yourself, which is what I am doing, I think. In the case that this condition is not met, this hiatus becomes sadder, uglier, and more defining. It communicates to me that she is not looking for brahman, she is just looking for time away from me. And I believe these two things are very different, finding peace alone, and being away from me.

I’ve been reading religious texts of the ancient Indian sub-continent. And whilst reading I think of you. Well, I think of myself in relation to you. I think of myself in relation to change, acceptance, healing, and desire: in relation to you. I guess this is not new though. I always felt in relation to you. And it saddens me to think that perhaps you thought this as well.

Sometimes I think my best friend, Massimo, is the only audience I ever need. The only conformation of my feelings, my writing, that I need or truly want. And I think that’s something to be proud of, and to be grateful for.

Phoebe said, at the beginning of this semester ,that she couldn’t believe that it was truly over. And I don’t think anyone, close to me or to you, can truly believe as well. Lord knows we gave it the ride around. Meaning, of course, that we were on and off for the longest time. And that time, curiously, meshes together into one blob that I cannot hope to separate into eras or themes or sub-situations no matter how much I think, and I do—think.

It’s been a few days and I’ve found myself thinking of you less. Maybe next week I’ll think of you more. I don’t know. I dreamt of you last night, though. I ran into you outside of a bar, I was a bit drunk. You looked startled at first, almost uncomfortable. But that air of negativity soon vanished and a nostalgically-induced banter commenced. We walked into the bar, and continue the conversation. There was a bed there, you asked to lay next to me, for me to hold you. I asked to dance instead and then awoke. It was 4am or something; I swung my legs from around my bed and checked my phone. There was nothing of interest and so I returned to my bed and fell asleep once again.

[eldritchxembers]

Loretta’s heart stirred with the quiet, heavy weight of Astrid's words, each syllable laced with a grief and regret that she recognized. The young woman’s anguish was palpable, and though Loretta had walked many paths in her time, both of life and death, she didn't know what it felt like to lose her child ... after all, Loretta was still waiting for her child. The child she had dreamt of.

As Astrid remained hunched, her gaze fixed downward, Loretta felt an ache in her chest. She could hear the echoes of her own mistakes in Astrid’s voice, the quiet self-recrimination that followed every wrong turn, every decision made in desperation or ignorance. There had been a time when Loretta, too, had carried such a burden; too many times, perhaps, when she felt the weight of failure and loss settle over her, telling her to blame herself. In those moments, she had been drawn to a familiar voice, the voice of the Earth, of the First Goddess, who whispered in her ear that no loss was final unless you chose to let it be. But that voice was always so quiet, so easily drowned out by the noise of the world.

Loretta had learned to amplify the Goddess' voice. To add her voice to make it louder.

With a gentle, measured movement, Loretta rose from her chair. Slowly, Loretta moved to kneel before Astrid, her age perhaps betraying her graceful posture, but she held steady, offering the grounding presence that had seen so many through dark moments before. She touched the young woman's knee lightly, a simple, warm gesture meant to guide her from the spiraling pit she had created in her mind. Loretta's hand lingered there, a silent invitation for Astrid to look at her, to feel the grounding presence she was offering.

“I’ve seen it in the eyes of so many—those who come to me seeking healing for others, even as their own wounds fester within them. We all carry something, Astrid. A grief, a mistake, a moment we cannot undo. But it does not define us, not unless we allow it to.”

Her thumb brushed the fabric of Astrid's clothing, as if to reassure her that she was not alone in this moment. “I’ve walked that path,” she continued, her gaze gentle but steady.

Loretta knew the depths of what Astrid was saying; how the pull of a promise made in youthful foolishness, in vulnerability, had led to the deepest loss. She had been there, too, in her own way, making decisions that had bound her, forced her into roles she never sought, only to find herself carrying the weight of a broken promise. She could not undo the past, but she had learned to hold it, to bear it with grace and humility.

It was the way of life, she had come to understand, and it was the same with the deaths she attended to. Death did not come without its own set of lessons.

But Astrid's mistake ... no, it did not have to be final.

"I ask you this: Can you truly say you have nothing to offer? Can you truly believe you are lost, when you have walked a path so full of love, sacrifice, and devotion? You’ve brought life into this world. You’ve carried your child and loved him, despite everything that has happened. That in itself is one of the truest forms of purpose.”

“I believe you have a purpose, Astrid. Just as I believe that none of this, your grief, your mistakes, was ever meant to define the rest of your life. You are more than the sum of your struggles. You are more than your past.”

She gave Astrid a moment of silence, letting her words settle between them. The room, heavy with the scent of the forest outside, settled and seemed to be listening. “You will find your way. And I’ll be here to walk with you, if you’ll have me.”

As Loretta remained kneeling, she felt a quiet peace settle within her, knowing that her own journey had never truly ended either.

She could feel the storm within the younger woman, the crushing weight of guilt and fear, and she knew, intimately, that kind of ache. “Astrid,” Loretta’s voice was soft, "You will not find your peace until you reclaim what was taken from you,” she said gently, her voice a quiet promise. “Not just your son, but the pieces of yourself that have been scattered in the wind.”

Loretta’s eyes softened as she looked into Astrid’s stormy gaze. “I promise you, Astrid. I will help you find your son. Not just him, but your power, your purpose. You were never meant to be broken by this, and neither was your son. This… this is not the end of you.”

Loretta’s fingers tightened for a moment, an unspoken promise weaving into the touch. “You will find your way home. It may not be the home you thought you’d have, but you will find it, and you will be stronger for it. I will help you. And when you stand tall once more, you will know the truth of your call. You will know that you are more than what this witch has made of you. You are a daughter of Freyja, a woman of power, and your strength is not lost.”

Loretta's expression was filled with maternal certainty. Her heart swelled with something between grief and hope; the hope that she could be there for this woman as she had wished for someone to be for her when her own grief had been too much to bear. "The next step, Deerling, is you finish your tea before it gets cold."

Astrid kept her gaze low as the other's words filled the room, carrying a weight that made the air somehow feel even heavier. This... 'call'... The idea felt foreign, almost like lead against her chest, as if it were meant for someone else entirely. It stirred something in her—though not in the way she assumed Miss Loretta thought. Lips pressed into a thin line as she tried to make sense of it all, fingers lightly tracing the edge of the table in front of her. Purpose... The word echoed in her mind, sharp and unyielding; but her thoughts turned immediately to the only purpose she knew to be true: to undo her mistake made in naivety, to fix what she’d broken... To save him... Nothing else mattered. Nothing else ever could. For a moment, she considered the weight of Miss Loretta’s belief, the confidence in her voice; and she wondered if it could ever truly apply to her.

For a moment, her thoughts lingered on Miss Loretta’s voice, calm and steady, as if she were so sure the path ahead existed for Astrid to find. You may feel lost at times, uncertain of where the path leads… The words stuck like a thorn, pulling at something fragile within the Swede. Lost... Yes, that much was true. She couldn’t see where any of this was leading—not for herself, and most certainly not for him. Her steps felt more like stumbles, each one guided by desperation rather than purpose. Could this so-called 'call' really lead her anywhere she needed to go?

The mention of The First Mother—of Freyja—echoed in Astrid’s mind, the words carrying a heavy resonance. Creation and destruction... The concept clung to her like a shadow, for she had experienced both. She had created life, had carried it inside her, brought it into this world with trembling hands and endless love. But in the same breath, she had destroyed it; her foolish bargain had shattered everything, torn her world apart. How could she step into the role Miss Loretta described when she had already failed in the most fundamental of ways? When she had already failed herself? Failed him? Failed Freyja's call for her...

Her hands curled into loose fists in her lap; and her chest tightened with the weight of it all. If she could not protect what she had created, how could she ever believe she was meant for more? The idea of stepping into some greater purpose felt impossible when she had already let the most sacred purpose of all slip through her fingers.

The silence stretched between them; and Astrid’s fingers tightened against her legs, nails beginning to dig into her thigh. She could feel a tightness, the uncertainty swirling inside her like a storm, as her words caught in the back of her throat. “H-How can I… After what I-I-I did?” The words felt like a confession, full of guilt and unresolved pain.

[sergeantbuckybarnes]

the moment i knew // bucky barnes

Summary: When Bucky comes back from a mission with Natasha you can’t help but think something has changed between you and start doubting if this relationship is something Bucky really wants.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word count: 3.1k

Warnings: insecure reader, jealousy, miscommunication, curse words, angst, fluff, drunk reader 

A/N: As always, please remember English is not my first language. I tried my best to write this, please don’t be rude. Also, thanks to @pistachoz​ for helping me and proofreading this!!

divider by @firefly-graphics​

You had never considered yourself as someone jealous, you believed it was an awful feeling, irrational. But you couldn't help the sense of discomfiture forming in the pit of your stomach when there was evidence for you to feel that way. Bucky has been on a mission with Natasha for two weeks, this was the first time the two were sent alone. In the beginning, you didn’t worry about it because- you were aware of the past your boyfriend and the black widow shared, but Bucky had always assured you that it was in the past and he didn't see her as anything more than a friend. He made sure to show you every day how in love he was with you, and you didn’t remember the last time you felt this happy with someone. 

But this mission changed everything. 

Bucky usually calls you to check on you, even if he’s busy he always finds a way to text or call you, but this time he hadn’t even answered you. You got worried at first, millions of thoughts of what could have happened racing in your mind, but when Natasha contacted Tony to assure him they were okay, all you could wonder was why hadn't your boyfriend contacted you.

You gave him the deficit of the doubt and tried not to take his avoidance the wrong way but when they came back, he went straight to his room without even sparing a glance your way. What game was he playing at? What has happened on that mission to make your boyfriend act this way?

“You should go to talk to him,” Wanda advised  “I’m sure there’s a reason for him acting this way”

“Oh yeah? And what is it?” you scoffed. 

You were in Wanda’s bedroom. She was your best friend, always supporting you when you needed it, this time was no different.

“Y/N, you know Bucky. He’s not that kind of guy. I’m sure there’s a reason. Stop being stubborn and go to talk to him”

You looked at her; she was giving you the “mom look”. You sighed. You loved Bucky, and you didn’t want to lose him. There had to be a reason, right? You knew he loved you, he even said he wanted to grow old and have a future with you. 

You get up from Wanda’s bed. “You’re right,” You walked out of your friend’s bedroom and made your way to your boyfriend’s room. When you reached the corner of his hallway, you hear a door opening and people laughing. You put your head out the corner and you saw Natasha on the doorstep of your boyfriend’s bedroom. He was there too. Shirtless. She laughed at something he said and you didn’t catch and she smacked his right arm in a joking way. He was laughing too. You had never seen your boyfriend laugh that way with anyone other than you. Or Steve. And maybe Sam. But with Natasha? Never. Also, he hated when people invaded his personal space and touched him without permission.

You huffed as tears pricked at the back of your eyes and made your way back to your friend’s bedroom. Once there, you closed the door and slid to the floor. All the anger you once had turning bitterly into sadness, poisoning every fiber in your being. Tears started to blossom on your eyes and sliding through your cheeks. Wanda ran towards you and embraced you in her arms, asking what had happened, stroking your hair, in an attempt of calming you.

Sobbing you tried to tell her what you saw, the more you cried the hard it was talking and breathing for you. Wanda got you up from the floor and walked you to her bed, she cupped your face in her hands and wiped the tears from your cheeks.

“Breath, Y/N” She breathed in and on with you until you calmed a little. 

You didn’t understand how he could do this to you. After all the things you had done for him. All the panic attacks, all the nightmares, and the sleepless nights you shared with him. And that is the way he repaid you? Going on your back with your friend?

And Nat, you had trusted her, the countless times you had told her things you would say to anyone, she was your friend and she assured she felt nothing for him anymore. She assured what happened between her and Bucky was done. You feel betrayed by two of the most important people in your life. 

If he wasn’t happy with you, he could have told you. Yes, it would have hurt, but not much hurt as the one you were feeling right now.

“Are you sure that was what you saw? Maybe you misinterpreted it,” Wanda was trying to help, knowing Bucky and Natasha, it was impossible to think they would do such a thing to you.

“Wanda, if you saw Vis shirtless laughing at night with another woman in his bedroom, and this woman is touching him, what would you think? How can you misinterpret that?” It wasn’t about being open-minded, permissive, or controlling. It was about respect. There are things you don’t do if you are in a relationship with someone. He was out a lot of nights with Sam and Steve, and you were okay with that. You didn’t mind if he has girl-friends. But what you saw today and his attitude towards you in the last two weeks was something you could not ignore.

Wanda paused for a moment, thinking about what to say to you to make you feel better “Well…if they’re really doing this to you, then fuck them. They don’t deserve you,” your friend stated, “this defines them, but not you.” 

You sniffled wiping your nose with the back of your hand. Your eyes were red from crying and they started to hurt. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

You usually slept with Bucky, either you went to his room or he came to yours. But tonight that wasn’t an option. Possibly, that wouldn’t be an option anymore.

“Of course,” She wasn’t going to leave you alone when you were going through such a hard time. You had always been there for her, and now she was going to be there for you.

When Pietro died, and she came to the Avengers Compound you were the first one to came and check up on her, you didn’t ask her how she was feeling, that was a stupid and obvious question, you just stay there with her, offering your support. And from that moment she knew you were going to be a very important part of her life.

“Now try to sleep. If you don’t rest, you won’t heal”

The next day came sooner than you would have wanted to. The sunlight coming through the windows made you rub your eyes. 

“How did you sleep?” Wanda was lying next to you, she had just woken up a few seconds before you. 

“Not my best night,” You sat up in bed and rubbed your temples. 

You felt her hand on your shoulder and you looked at her “I’m with you, okay?” You’re not alone,” She gave you a reassuring smile.

You were going to have to face Bucky and Natasha, and you weren’t prepared for that. When you reached the kitchen, you could hear their laughs again. The same laughs from last night. You took a deep breath and pursed your lips, trying to suppress the tears that were starting to form in your eyes. Not again. Not in front of them.

When your boyfriend noticed your presence, he turned his attention towards you, a wide smile spread on his face. “Hey, doll” He started to make his way to you “I went to your room last night but you weren’t there” Was he seriously like he didn’t ignore you for two weeks and yesterday acted like you didn’t exist? What a scoundrel.

He hovered over you, trying to wrap his arms around you but you dodged him. A confused look formed on his face. “I slept with Wanda. You seemed very busy, didn’t want to bother you.” You didn’t let him answer, just made your wake to the counter to pour two coffee mugs, one for you and one for your best friend.

Everybody was wearing confused looks at your behavior, you had never acted this way towards Bucky; you were quite the opposite, always hugging, kissing, or holding hands. Your PDA was something that drove the team crazy sometimes, but they were happy for you. Acting like this set alarms on everybody’s head. What the hell happened between you two?

Bucky tried to talk to you the whole day but managed to slip through his fingers. He wanted an explanation. He wanted to know what he had done to make you act this way towards him. You two were fine when he left on that mission, so what had happened in that two weeks he was gone?

He finally found his chance when he caught you alone in the gym. This time you wouldn’t walk away.  

“Y/N,” his voice was firm but not harsh, “Can we talk, please?”

“I don’t have time” You kept punching the bag and ignoring his presence. That’s it. He had enough. He grabbed your arm and turned you to him. Face to face.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“Let me go” You pointed at your grabbed arm with your eyes and he let you go. 

Bucky huffed. “What did I do?”

You looked at him perplexed. Was he being serious?  “Are you really asking me that?”

“Y/N, honestly. I don’t know what I did.”

“You didn’t call, and neither answered any of my texts.”

“Really? That’s why you are mad? My phone broke and I couldn’t contact you”

You chuckled. What a lame excuse. “Of course. What about Nat then? You could have asked for her phone”

He frowned. “I told her to text to you, to tell you I was okay”

“Well, she didn’t”

“Maybe she forgot. I don’t know. It’s not much of a deal”

You were starting to get exasperated. He didn’t get it. 

“You know what, Bucky? Fuck you!” That was the last thing you said to him before you left the gym. Wanda was right. He didn’t deserve you, and he didn’t deserve your tears either. 

You didn’t hear of Bucky for the rest of the day. Now you were sitting in your bed, a framed picture of the two of you in your hands. Your eyes started burning. You missed him. You didn’t want to miss him. You two were happy, didn’t you? You didn’t understand what you had done wrong. 

You hear a knock on your door, you put the frame down on your bed and wiped your eyes. “Come in” 

The door of your bedroom opened to let you see who you used to consider a friend. What was she doing here?

“Get out” you got up from bed abruptly and pointed at the door. Natasha looked at you shocked. 

“Y/N, w-” you didn’t let her finish her sentence. 

“OUT. NOW.” But she didn’t budge. She just stayed there, looking at you. You finally got tired and pushed her out of your bedroom.

“Y/N, Calm down. I just wanna talk to you” You didn’t answer, closing the door in her face. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.” you called the AI system.

“Yes? Miss Y/N.”

“I don’t want anyone in my room. Don’t let anyone in. Only Wanda.”

“Alright. Miss Y/N. Do you want me to let Miss Maximoff know that you want to see her?”

“Yes, please.”

F.R.I.D.A.Y did as you told, and a few minutes later you hear a knock at your door. “Y/N. It’s me” You opened the door and crashed into the arms of your best friend. 

“Let’s get out of here. Please get me out of here.” The redhead looked at you worried.

“What happened?” she questioned.

“I don't wanna talk about it now. I just- I can’t be here”

Wanda looked at you sympathetically and wiped the tears off your face the same way she did last night. 

“Okay,” she nodded “Let’s get out. We are going to have a girls day”

When you came back to the compound it was late at night. You were stumbling, arm slugged on Wanda’s neck. You had drunk a little too much, trying to cop-out. Your mother always said that being drunk is the anesthesia of the fools.

“Best night EVER!” you yelled, raising your fist to the air.

Wanda hushed you. You were going to wake up the rest of the team. “Wan, you're so hot.” you keep babbling, Wanda laughed, she was going to make sure to remind you this night tomorrow. “I love you soooooo much”

“I love you too, Y/N”

“You’re like my best best friend” 

“You drank too much, Y/N. You need to sleep”

You shook your head, “No, no Imma go talk to him”

Wanda dragged to your best. “You’re going to sleep. You can talk to Bucky tomorrow”

“NOW!”

“Now you’re going to sleep” Wanda stated, getting tired of your drunk state. You looked at her, she looked so intimidating, you nodded like a scared puppy and did as she told. The moment your body hit your bed you fell asleep. “You’ll thank me tomorrow,” She said before stepping out of your room.

Sunlight streams golden through the window. You raised your heavy eyelids halfway only for them to fall shut again. The aching in your skull ebbs and flows like a cold tide. Now you understand why they call it a hangover. Perhaps some painkillers would help.

You hear a knock on your door, you groaned and wrapped yourself in your duvet, hoping that whoever was out the door would just go away. But the knock persists, louder each time.

Once on your feet the room swayed, almost causing you to lose balance and you reached for the wall. This feeling made you think you had to have fun last night but somehow it wasn’t in your memory.

The reflection on the mirror in the wall shows no sign of the glamour girl of last night. You rubbed your eyes before opening the door. 

“Wanda told me you would need this,” Bucky handed some painkillers and a glass of water in his hands. The cracking in your head and your dry mouth were too strong to ignore them and to kick out your boyfriend. You took the pill from his hand and threw them in your mouth followed by the glass of water.

“Fun night?” he asked, entering the room and closing the door.

“You could say that”

Bucky sat in your bed as you went into the bathroom. “You never handed alcohol well,” he chuckled under his breath.

“Bucky, what do you want?” you asked tiredly

“You and I have a pending conversation”

You sighed. “Now it’s not the best moment. Besides, I look awful”

“You always look beautiful,” he said softly, walking carefully to you, he brushed a piece of hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear.

“Don't do this. Not now.” you closed your eyes, melting under his touch.

“Don’t do what? Telling you how I feel?”

“What happened between you and Nat?” you finally asked, the alcohol remaining in your system putting your defenses down. You didn’t want to fight. You just wanted to know. What Natasha had that you hadn’t?

Your question didn’t startle Bucky, not shocked him either. Little you know, Wanda had gone to his room last night, after she made sure you were asleep to question Bucky about his behavior towards you on the last few weeks. She cared for you, so much. You were like a sister to her, and she wouldn’t let anyone take advantage of you or make you feel like you weren’t worthy.

“There’s nothing between me and Natasha. I promise.” he said sincerely “I’m in love with you.”

“Then why didn’t you call or text me? Two weeks, Bucky. I hadn't heard from you in two weeks. You had me worried. We always call and text each other when we are on a mission”

“I told you, my phone broke. I told Nat to text you, I don’t know why she didn’t do it. I’m sorry”

You looked down. Bucky has never lied to you, and he has never given you a motive to mistrust him.

“What about the day you came? You ignored me the whole day”

“I was tired. All I wanted was to clean up and rest.”

“With Natasha?” you inquired

He looked at you confused, not knowing what you were talking about. “I went to your room that night, Natasha was there and you were shirtless”

He rubbed his face. “Oh, Y/N. That doesn’t mean what you think,” you looked at him, waiting for him to explain himself  “She just came to check up on me, I just came out of the shower, she didn’t even come in”

“You were laughing, though.”

“And you think that means I cheat on you? You always laugh with Steve and Sam. And I don’t think you are cheating on me with them. Why is Natasha any different?”

“Because-” you were ashamed of showing your insecurities to Bucky. “she had you first.” You couldn’t help to compare yourself to your friend, she was prettier, she was smart. She was everything you were not.

“And you have me now,” he cupped your face “And I want you forever.”

Bucky bent down and closed the gap between you. Finally feeling his lips in yours and- oh god. How have you missed the way he feels. He kissed you with so much gentleness like you were going to break any minute, but that wasn’t what you wanted right now; you needed to let him know that you were there, you wanted to feel every part of his body against yours and reassure yourself that he wasn’t going anywhere. You knotted your fists in his shirt, pulling him closer if that was even possible. He groaned, his hands firmly on your hips and lips agape. When you pulled away you smiled and touched his lips with your fingers. “I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you too, doll,” he said circling his arms around you making his way towards your bed until you hit the mattress, his body hovering over yours. “We have so much time to make up to.” 

[bestworstcase]

So, what about Jaune? Is Pyrrha showing up again? Who was that Knight and was that purple horned thing the Jabberwocky or the God of Darkness?

SHRILLS

okay. fuck, ok

bear with me my brain is melting rn but—ok ok arkos is ozlem and jaune is salem, right? we’ve all grokked this??

the key difference between jaune and salem is that when pyrrha died, jaune had friends who held onto him and refused to let go, refused to let him stay in the deep black pit of self-loathing and helpless grieving anger that he slid into after losing pyrrha—salem was alone but jaune wasn’t, and that’s what saved him.

& jaune fell last. nobody on team rwby knows that he’s in the junkyard of the cosmos with them. assuming the girls find each other pretty quickly but don’t find jaune, they won’t even know to look for him—meaning, given that he is sir not appearing in this trailer, it is entirely within the realm of possibility that jaune spends a significant portion of volume nine ALONE with the guilt and anguish he feels over his role in penny’s death, his identity as a healer and protector wholly shattered—the identity quite literally defined by his journey of healing after pyrrha’s death!—by a mercy killing he was forced into by the cruelty and selfishness of entities so powerful he simply could not defend himself against them. [see also: the shattering of jaune’s aura by cinder’s hand.]

what im getting at here is: penny’s death was jaune’s extinction of humankind, and just like salem he is alone this time

i feel like everyone and their dog has pointed out the visual similarities between jaune’s armor and the armor worn by the knight in the trailer and it’s true that the cuirass at least looks pretty goddamn exactly like his but you know where where MY head immediately went?—here:

😐

this would not be the first time rwby drew direct visual parallels between jaune and salem but if the knight IS jaune, or connected to him in some way, then it’s by far the most blatant example—and

i think i’ve probably mentioned before the possibility of jaune, specifically, doing something in v9 that pisses off the gods and triggers a premature return? a jaune spiraling hard whilst isolated in void wonderland feels like a jaune with the capacity to do that in spades. even under the idealest of circumstances i think jaune could probably piss off the gods enough for them to decide genocide 2 electric boogaloo is the way to handle it because, lord, it’s not like their threshold for what constitutes unacceptably human behavior is particularly HIGH—but these are not ideal circumstances and we’ve already seen how jaune gets when he’s unhinged by grief. he screamed incoherently at cinder with the specific intention of baiting her into taking her sweet time murdering him so that she wouldn’t hurt his friends. like

its the same picture

ALSO, “What is WRONG with you? How can you be so broken inside? To take so many lives—and then come here and rub it in our faces like it’s something to be proud of! All with that damned smile on your face! I’m going to make you pay for what you did! Do you hear me?!”

…u feel me?

so all of this is very interesting for the volume i also am giving high odds of dropping a bomb or two about salem herself; it’s a suckers bet that we’re getting SOME kind of major lore reveal in v9—if only to answer the obvious question of what the hell the ever after actually is lmao—and any new information about the gods, about magic, or about salem has the potential to recontextualize everything we know now in a major way. seemingly plonking jaune into his own little arc (ahaha) isolated from everyone else—everyone who knows and loves him!—in combination with that is a very tantalizing choice.

as for THIS guy:

purple and horns says god of darkness; grey/white/metal animalistic mask evokes the white fang’s schtick of wearing masks that resemble the grimm. beige/yellowish stripes and physical body say… not the god of darkness, or at least not the god of darkness as he was in lost fable. he might be a new monster altogether—rwby’s jabberwock is a definite possibility—or we might be on the cusp of learning that the god of animals actually does exist and is in fact a distinct entity from the brother gods, which would be something of a surprise but not wholly unexpected in light of the talking animals situation?

but [insert conspiracy guy gif here] what i’m mulling presently is the possibility that this IS the god of darkness, but—changed somehow. realer, in a way? in the sense that he’s not this infinitely powerful blob of ethereal power sculpted into the shape of a person or a dragon however he pleases, he’s this… thing.

which is the possibility i like best because it—maybe—would tie in VERY well with what i’ve been thinking about with regards to the narrative endgame and like, what might have gone down between the brothers after they left remnant, because at this point i feel 50/50 about whether they stuck around each other after they fucked off or if they went their separate ways and have been doing… whatever it is that they do when they’re not slaughtering the human race lmao. and there’s the question of the relics, too, of whether the gods mightn’t have weakened or changed themselves in some way in making them. ooor—given the yellowish stripes here—maybe they took a crack at an ozma-like fusion and it’s going… poorly for them.

(another possibility i’ve been chewing on for a while—long before the trailer dropped—is that salem might have gone realm-hopping herself at some time or another, and the kids might be stumbling across her footprints, so to speak. which if true also raises the question of did whether there mightn’t be a nasty experiment of hers wandering around in the ever after, too)

but the bit of the trailer that’s really devouring my brain rn is—well, this (trailer screenshot color-corrected based on later frames to remove the dark fade) WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE

RWBY!!!!?

we don’t—the thing is—god i cannot fucking believe this never occurred to me before but we don’t actually know that all the daughters died that night. it’s heavily implied, but only implied, and the lost fable is an episode that lives and dies on implication and missing information and—HELLO?? i feel like ive been slapped

who is she

(almost certainly she’s—alyx or whomever alyx-the-fictional-character is based on, or in some other way connected to ‘the girl who fell through the world’—& i’d bet good money that skirt girl is the one narrating the trailer. but WHO IS SHE WHY IS SHE HERE!!!)

(given that this is rwby and given the general thrust of the character arc original, oz-books ozma goes through i am also not going to rule out the possibility that skirt girl literally IS ozma somehow which is also a possibility i am going to be laying awake at night thinking about)

my brain is ROTTING

in conclusion i think jaune is going to trigger the apocalypse

[fatehbaz]

Doctors learning to listen to the patient; plants, medicine, and healing in eighteenth-century Caribbean as the source of new “modern” doctor-patient dynamics and relationships; appropriation of Black plant knowledge; how African botanical knowledge and enslaved peoples inspired so-called “Enlightenment” concepts of Europe.

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[T]alk about eighteenth-century Jamaican plant life [...] was part of a wide-ranging botanical endeavour that lay at the very heart of early modern European scientific practice in the Caribbean and elsewhere. Understanding orality in this context can help in attending to issues central to debates over the changing relationship between science and empire [...]. In her wide-ranging analysis of the culture of natural history in the colonial British Atlantic world, Susan Scott Parrish emphasises what she calls the diasporic African sources of Enlightenment knowledge, and the reliance of Europeans on African botanical expertise. She notes how certain forms of botanical knowledge [...] required an African source to be credible and reconstructs the chains of exchange that led from the American woods to the metropolis. [...] [F]orms of botanical talk [...] were strongly defined by their inclusions and their exclusions: by who could be part of the conversation, or was imagined as speaker or audience. [...]

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In the entry on “Hog Plum” in his Hortus Americanus, Henry Barham wrote: 

In the year 1716, after a severe fever had left me, a violent inflammation, pain, and swelling, seized both my legs, with pitting like the dropsy: I used several things, to no effect. A negro going through the house when I was bathing them, said, “Master, I can cure you,” which I desired he would; and immediately he brought me bark of this tree [...]. I soon found ease, and fell asleep. In five or six times repeating this method, I was perfectly recovered, and had the full strength and use of my legs as well as ever.

Having benefited from the cure, Barham, in a characteristic move, then denied the source of the knowledge and skill that had helped him by “giving God thanks for his providential care, in bestowing such virtues to mean and common plants, and that the knowledge of them should be made known to so vile and mean objects as negro slaves and Indians”. Yet the moment of speech remains — “Master, I can cure you” — however dimly it comes down to us and Barham’s other readers through many mediations of language, culture and power. This form of talk can also be understood in terms of its history and geography. 

Such statements are located within historically variable modes of medical talk (and silence) between doctors and patients, and their changing locations, from the early modern to the nineteenth century. Michel Foucault’s The birth of the clinic identified “the minute but decisive change, whereby the question: ‘What is the matter with you?’, with which the eighteenth-century dialogue between doctor and patient began (a dialogue possessing its own grammar and style)” — and defined, he says, by “a botany of symptoms” — “was replaced by that other question ‘Where does it hurt?’, in which we recognize the operation of the clinic and the principle of its entire discourse”. [...]

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What European doctors and botanists were getting some limited access to was a set of conjoined spiritual and medical knowledges and practices through which enslaved Africans sought to sustain their bodies and spirits under the death-dealing conditions of New World plantation slavery. The oppressive conditions under which this occurred, the secret nature of much of this knowledge and the increasing fear and denigration of these practices in the Caribbean mean that it is hard to recover more than the broad outlines of what might have been involved. As far as talk about plants went, this was an oral culture of herbal remedies which connected body, mind and spirit, and offered a range of practitioners and practices [...]. There were herbalists, often women, who created a new syncretic pharmacopoeia from transplanted African species and those they found in the Americas. And there were diviners and healer-sorcerers, practitioners of obeah, whose herbal healing was combined with the promise to intervene among the spirits for a fee. The understanding of health and illness in particular cases required specific forms of speech. There were discussions between patient and healer of bodily conditions, past events and disrupted relationships with the living and the dead. [...]

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Sloane’s prescription is both a set of tortures designed to elicit a confession and a plausible cure within a medical regime designed to make slaves work. It is of a piece with the brutal punishments of the plantation system where prisons and hospitals for the slaves were interchangeable and where botanical works might note plants useful as “Switches” “to scourge the refractory slaves”. Sloane’s deceit was also a parodic extension of a European medical practice built on blisterings, vomits and purges that could terrify enslaved Africans. Indeed, medical knowledge, including botanical knowledge, could come from the pain, or threat of pain, experienced by enslaved African or Indian bodies. They were also the subject of direct medical experimentation and observation. For example, Barham’s account of Manchioneel apple poisoning informed his readers that “I had a negro man that wilfully poisoned himself with them”, enabling the doctor to see and hear the consequences [...].

However, the lesson of Sloane’s case history is not simply the necessity of punishment for those who would not work. Emanuel could have been cruelly punished just for his refusal to follow orders. Instead, Sloane put all his efforts into getting him to speak. He required answers to both of Foucault’s questions: What is the matter with you? Where does it hurt? He needed Emanuel to recount his symptoms, to enter into a dialogue, so that the prescription could be made. [...]

Returning to Henry Barham’s swollen legs and the hog plum bark, the enslaved African who said “Master, I can cure you” inhabited, at least for a short while, the healer side of the dialogue as he set out and acted upon his prescription. There was here recognition of the ‘cunning’ knowledge of nature’s pharmacosm attributed to Africans, and the shadow of its threat.

The exchange was made possible by the power of the patient as patron in the practice of eighteenth-century bedside medicine, but also enabled by a partial commensurability of speech practices between eighteenth-century European doctors and the healers and diviners of creolised forms of African medicine and magic. They shared the need to talk. It might have been vocalised and materialised in quite different languages and communicative forms — the dream interpretations, incantations, animal parts and grave dirt of the obeah practitioners (Barham’s “negro doctors”) or the bedside narrations, pills, clysters, books and prescriptions of the Edinburgh and London trained medical men — but there was in both these practices a parallel attention to medicinal plants such as the hog plum and a need to talk to and listen to those they sought to heal.

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All text above published by: Miles Ogborn. “Talking Plants: Botany and Speech in Eighteenth-Century Jamaica.” History of Science. September 2013. [Italicized first paragraph/heading in this post added by me. Bold emphasis and some paragraph breaks/contractions added by me.]

[kaidatheghostdragon]

I think it could be a spectrum of proximal <> liminal <> spirit.

If the term liminal has been appropriated to label death-touched beings (magical definition) / living beings that metabolize ectoplasm (scientific definition), then it would make sense to appropriate proximal as a label for all living entities that are not liminal.

"Living people" are all people on the living side of the equation, up to 50% liminal where halfas reside.

"Spirits" are all people on the other half of the spectrum, anything 'more ghost' than a halfa. Would include zombies, most mythical creatures (historically, a lot of things we dont currently relate to spirits were considered such, like nymphs, fae, mermaids, genies, vampires, etc), the typical ghosts of deceased people, whatever the hell Spectra is (she doesnt strike me as a typical ghost, i think shes more like a lich), ellie (if you dont consider her a 'true' halfa), etc.

"Proximals" are all living people without a touch of liminality - 0% liminal. If you subscribe to the idea that all living people have trace amounts of ectoplasm, then a certain threshold (1-2%?) at which point any more would start causing changes (a more scientific definition: the point they start metabolizing ectoplasm and/or gain meta-like abilities).

"Liminals" are all living people that arent proximal, whatever definition is being used (death-touched, metabolizes ecto, etc).

"Halfas" are people that define the boundary between "living" and "spirit." They belong to both and neither. In absence of ectoplasm, they can function just fine as a human, in absence of mortal food, etc, they function just fine as a spirit. Their dual nature allows them the ability to adapt to their environment as needed, and can present/disguise themselves as nearly anywhere on the spectrum at any given moment (where all other entities just present wherever they're at). Defined as 50% liminal.

Now to add a few headcannons that would be a natural consequence of these definitions:

Ellie - could either be on the liminality spectrum around 51-60% with the ability to mimic proximality that isnt the same as a halfa's, perhaps she more like a lich? OR she's a halfa with an extremely unstable proximal form, being a speed-grown clone via experimental tech and all. If the former, she'll always be unstable in the sense that she cant hold a promixal form long term without health consequence - her ghost for is her default that she will always need to return to to give her body a rest. (Unlike danny, who can stay indefintely in either form without consequence). If the latter, then the only thing she needs to stabilize is time (assuming she doesnt overwork herself - in d-stabilized, she was being chased by vlad far past her point of exhaustion), because her spirit form will eventually be able to heal up all the short-comings of her human half being an experimentally speed-grown clone.

Jazz, sam, tucker, valerie - somewhere around 10-35% liminal?

Giw, fenton parents - go through regular decontamination that prevents their bodies from learning how to metabolize ectoplasm. Proximal. (But one can argue that the fentons often forget and might be 2-3% liminal)

Amity park - ambient ecto creates a baseline where even the most proximal are still 2-3% liminal

Gotham - has proximals unlike amity, but a disproportionate percentage of the population is 2-5% liminal compared to earth's average

Jason - can potentially be an ecto-starved halfa. He currently presents as an extremely durable human because he doesnt have access to enough healthy ectoplasm to maintain a balance. In contrast to ellie who has an unstable proximal form, jason has an unstable spirit form. OR he could be a revenant, somewhere around 30-45% liminal.

Talons - undead with physical bodies, definitely liches. Somewhere above 50% liminality on the spectrum

Batfam, justice league, league of assassins - anyone in contact with the lazarus pits is liminal to some degree. Somewhere around 5-20%? Anyone that has come back from the dead (large percentage of jl) get like 2-5% more liminal per death? More if they have had access to the pits or other ecto.

Ra's - is probably similar to spectra, actually a lich that thinks they're an immortal human. Around 55% liminal

Liminal and Proximal

Found this Thread through Reddit, but let's ignore that...

With the whole concept of Liminality and Liminal Humans that the Dp X Dc Fandom has going, how would we handle Proximal things?

Would it be 2 sides of the same coin?

Like normal people are Proximal and non-normal people of Liminal?

Or would it be more like a Scale?

Like there is a Line, Liminal is on One Side, Proximal is on the Other, and normal humans are always on the exact center?

I like the latter better

We have a concept for how Liminality affects Humans in the Dp x Dc, so how would Proximality affect them?

Insead of their Existence being blurry and undefined, it would be hyper defined. How would that work? What would that mean?

Thoughts?

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

           Lee Rayne, a 24 year old daughter of Airmid.            She is a medic at The Pits and a dancer at Minx.

FC NAME/GROUP:  SinB ; Gfriend / Viviz CHARACTER NAME: Lee Rayne AGE/DATE OF BIRTH:  June 3, 1998 PLACE OF BIRTH: Seoul, SK OCCUPATION:  Medic at The Pits and Burlesque Dancer at Minx HEIGHT: 167 cm WEIGHT: 47 kg DEFINING FEATURES: Small lotus tattoo in the space between her shoulder blades.

PERSONALITY: Rayne was destined to be a bright and happy child until her father betrayed her.  The trauma from her experience in the gang led her to become more stoic and quiet. It is rare to see a smile on her face, unless she is purposely trying to seduce or win over someone. From first look, Rayne is intimidating, and for many, she stays that way to protect herself from any potential harm. Rayne has trust issues with men, and they get little kindness from her. Yet, she is never outright cruel or mean to them. Most would just believe she is disinterested in them, and in turn, they often avoid her. Rayne is completely different for any lady, having devoted her life to protecting her fellow ladies. She is more likely to be happy and cheerful around other women, but after years of building up walls, it would take an act of fate for her to be comfortable around anyone.

HISTORY: A young businessman took upon the burden of an affair with a beautiful woman. He had hoped that Rayne would have been a son who could take on his business when his time to retire occurred. While Rayne was a sweet and calm child, her father would never recover the immediate annoyance, and as he developed relationships with other women, he would be convinced to get rid of his daughter.

While he could not stand his daughter, he did not want her death on his hands, so once Rayne turned three, he decided he would get rid of her in a manner that hurt his conscience the least. Her father brought the cute girl out on a stroll one night, and in a large crowd, he disappeared, leaving the small girl to fend for herself. Rayne walked around the large city, calling out for her father.

Rayne ultimately would enter an alleyway that would change her fate. As a male laid in the street, blood pooling around his form, the sad child would run to them, sad and upset about the events that had happened that day. In her touch and her explosion of emotion, her powers awoke at such an early age, saving the man's life from ending. In the time it took for the fallen man’s companions to reach him, Rayne healed his wounds. Sniffles left the little girl, and as the man finally opened his eyes, his comrades and him did not know what to do with the little girl that saved his life. In some senses, she was a freak of nature to them, having brought the man back from near death. However, at the same time, she was just a small child.

But, she had been seen as an asset. So, the gang brought her back to their home. The young girl had fell asleep in the men’s arms, whether it from the long night of traveling Seoul’s street or all the energy she expended healing the man. To the leader, they were not sure what to do with the child. Rayne, in her emotional act, had saved the leader's eldest son, and while most would be grateful, the potential of Rayne's healing abilities lead her just become a tool for the gang. From such a young girl, there was no where else she could go, and for so long, she became used to tending to the wounds of their men.

And, for a long while, it did not bother Rayne, but a lot of the truth about the people around her was kept silent. As she grew and learned more about the organization, she felt disgusted with what the leaders were doing. People of all ages and types found themselves abused by the organization, whether through lethal or other means. Yet, she had no where to turn, and her survival was not easy. Women in the organization, bound there against their will, took Rayne under their wing, teaching her how to talk or seduce her way out of trouble. A few members whom she had saved their lives stepped in to teach her to fight in protect herself. It helped her steer clear of the worst of the organization, but it never stopped all the abuses that lingered around them.  

By the time she finished high school, the eldest son took over the gang, and after her years of service and some change of hands, Rayne moved from merely healing the battered members to running the women of the organization. It was his one act of kindness to the woman, thinking to himself this paid off his debt to her. In this surge of power that came with this leadership, she soon realized what abilities she had to change the life for the women she now had to take care of and protect, mainly from the gang's members and partners. Rayne's healing powers had saved so many lives, sometimes repeatedly. But now, she took that blessing, and she kept it from the world, only to be used on the women in her organization. For truly, what could a dying man do against the one who determined their fate?

Quickly, the women in the organization banded around their now strong and mighty leader. Those measures of seduction led to high target leaders in the organization falling to their hands. The organization had quickly turned to chaos, and ultimately, Rayne would take the life of the man she saved as a child, putting a final stop to the torment that happened to so many people and the women of the organization.

For I gave you life, fate now instructs me to take it back.

For a group that she expected would dismantle with this new freedom, Rayne was wrong. As a group of women, they found a way to always be safe. However, the life of a gang leader was not written in her stars, and after stepping down to one of her strong right hands, Rayne took to an island she had heard of a long time ago for people like her. Maybe, for once in her life, she could find some peace.

PANTHEON: Celtic CHILD OF: Airmid POWERS: Rayne can heal people through her touch. This power is willful; although in time of high emotion, she may turn her powers on without meaning to. Large wounds require longer contact. Though as she uses her powers more, the length of time shortens with experience. Rayne can bring people from the brink of death, but this requires a lot of her energy. STRENGTHS: Strong, Persuasive, Resourceful WEAKNESSES: Weak morals, Lack of remorse, Violent tendencies.

[ceciliablossoms]

I just read the whiskey angst and i cried a bit 😭 can i request Fruit Punch + Absinthe after that the reader feel stressed and go for a walk outside but are attacked by Abiss Mages and seriously injured and Diluc / Childe / Kaeya is surprised when the reader return with a pathetic form but the reader don't want them to touch them pls 😭😭😭 REVERSE UNO

I genuinely wasn't expecting people to like that one enough to request a sequel. I originally had no intention of making a sequel but with so many people asking how can I not?

Haha.. I couldn't sleep again...

The Whiskey fic

TW: Mentions of Injury, Swearing, Self Hatred

Absinthe: “Get out of my sight! I don’t fucking want you here!”

Fruit Punch: “Why are you bleeding!? What the hell happened?!”

-------

Diluc

It had been several days since he had last seen them and honestly speaking the man was a mess. What he said hadn't fully sunk in until he finished his work and upon realising that he had made a severe error, a pit formed in his stomach.

He was extremely disgusted with himself. Nobody should ever talk to their significant other in such a way under any circumstances. Not only that but he had also called them a hindrance when they had only been trying to help him. Pathetic.

He ended up seeking them out, arriving at their small house in Mondstadt. He had approached their door as they were exiting their home. They visibly bristled.

As the days passed they wallowed less, sadness and dejection becoming anger. How DARE he have the AUDACITY to talk to them like that? To treat them as though they were holding him back?

“Get out of my sight! I don't fucking want you here!”

He didn't even flinch out their outburst. He deserved it, "I have... come to apologise for my actions. I-"

"Didn't mean it? Save your words. I don't wish to hear it." They pushed past him. "I'm going for a walk. Don't follow me."

He watched as they exited the gates, steam practically pouring from their ears. As much as he wished to apologise, craved to say that he was sorry, he was sure that they wouldn't have it. But, he sat on the stairs to their house regardless and waited for their return. Whether they would accept it or not he was still going to try to make amends.

He didn't know how long he sat there waiting but they still had yet to return. The worry had long set in, hitting its peak when there was a small commotion at the gate. They pushed past Swan, who was following after them in a panic.

They walked with a limp, blood seeping through the hand that clenched their shoulder tightly. A cut adorned their face from temple to jaw. It too was bleeding heavily.

Diluc approached them with haste, alerted by their state, "Why are you bleeding?! What the hell happened!?"

They pushed past him too as he reached out to them, "Don't.... touch me..."

Diluc glared at Swan as a way to tell him to go back to his post. He jumped but obliged nonetheless as Diluc began to follow after them. Grabbing their non-injured shoulder in his gloved hand, he tugged them gently to stop them from moving.

His tone was stern, "You do not have to speak with me nor do you have to accept my apology. But you will get those injuries tended to even if I have to drag you to the church myself."

They pulled themselves from his grip, out of breath and tired, "Why is it that you care? I'm but a hindrance remember. Even as we speak I am obstructing you."

"If those were my feelings I wouldn't be here. I don't expect forgiveness but I would still like to let you know that what I said doesn't define how I feel for you. That is of little importance right now. Your injuries need to be dealt with"

They said nothing, looking off to the side. Sluggishly they move towards their home again, quietly ushering for him to follow. "I have plenty of medical supplies of my own." They paused, "When my injuries heal, I expect an apology in full. And as for my trust... You'll have to work for it."

He was relieved. Their words suggested that there was a still a chance for him.

-

Tartaglia

It took him a while to calm down. After all, he did tend to brood on things until they festered. At first, he only got angrier. Angry that the cheater got away with it. Angry that they sided with the cheater. Angry that they helped the cheater.

He thought about it more though, and the more he rationalised the more he calmed down. They didn't really side with him, did they? They only helped him because he would have bled out had they not. As much as he wanted to beat the man's ass all over again, he let it slide. Killing him would be a waste anyway. Instead he would let the man's near death experience serve as a reminder.

When he was fully calm, he sought them out, their words echoing in the back of his head. 'Talk to me when you're fucking sane', they had said. Had his actions truly made them feel that way? Or was it in anger just as his words had been?

He checked Bubu Pharmacy first, seeing neither them nor the cheater. He assumed it was because the cheater was in the back getting treatment and that they had gone on their merry way. The search continued.

His hunt continued all across the harbour and he was unable to tell if they were going out of their way to avoid him or if he was looking in all the wrong places. Finally, he resorted to asking around, getting a couple tidbits of information from some Milileth.

He was told that they were seen exiting the harbour and that seemed extremely miffed. So retracing their steps, he left the harbour as well, following along the path that led toward Guili Plains.

He continued to follow the path until Wangshu Inn appeared in the distance and quietly pondered why they came out this far. Something seemed off though. Halting his movements, he scanned the area, sapphire eyes landing on a familiar silhouette sitting at the base of an apple tree.

He was unaware of how long they'd been sitting there when he approached, but there they were an apple in hand. They finished mid chewing and spoke after they swallowed the fruit in their mouth.

"Get out of my sight. I don't fucking want you here." Despite their icy tone, he knew that they weren't angry anymore. They did, however, want to be left alone though he did not oblige.

His eyes travelled to the blood that coloured the grass beneath them. There was a teasing edge to his voice as he tried to lighten the mood, "Why are you bleeding? What happened, hm? Get in a fight without me?"

Finding each other bloody was nothing new to either of them and playing it up was a game of sorts. An inside joke if you will. Most of the time he acted like a worried spouse for them and vice versa, but at this moment it was genuine worry. They scoffed.

"Yes, but unlike you, I don't try to kill men on the street."

He held up his hands in defeat before sitting down across from them, "Not gonna let me live it down, are you?"

They rolled their eyes, leaning their head against the tree trunk, "It happened a few hours ago. But you get a free pass because I don't have the energy to debate right now."

He moved to check their injury and they slapped his hands away with a quiet 'Don't touch me'. Yet he continued to eye it warily, staring at their face as if to ask permission. His gaze was gentle, genuine worry spread across his face. They caved after several minutes, looking away.

Pulling their shirt up to reveal the injury on their hip, it appeared as though they tried to cauterize it. With a sigh, he stood and held his hand out to help then up. After a moment of hesitation, they accepted his hand and immediately after they stood he crouched in front of them and signalled for them to get on his back. They obliged and he carried them back to the city.

"Don't think that this means I forgive you for what you said to me."

For once he didn't feel like teasing, knowing that it wouldn't help mend the situation, "I know. I do wish to apologise though. My words were... unnecessary. I took my anger out on you."

"Damn right." They patted his head, "Though if you're a good boy I might forgive you faster."

He sighed, fully aware that they were going to use him as an errand boy for the next few days.

-

Kaeya

He continued after their encounter as though nothing had happened at all. The silence that filled his office after they left was deafening but he took the time to finish his work. All of the paperwork that had piled up and all the tedious remedial tasks had been finished, the rest of his duties taken care of as well.

Days passed before he finally decided to confront them, and over that period his the guilt over his cruelty toward them festered. He was fully aware that they were trying to help, trying to make his workload lighter, yet he still snapped at them.

If he hadn't taken out his frustration on them then the two would be together right now. If he had just let them help will all of it then we would have gotten done much faster and gotten to relax much sooner. The stack they did do, however, was the biggest one from the piles which did shorten the time he was working. If only he hadn't scared them away.

He began his search for them at their home, finding it empty. Thinking for a moment, he began to check the usual places they went when they were upset. As he headed to Windrise it turned out that he didn't have to look far, for they were limping over the bridge that led into the city.

They were bleeding heavily from their chest, hand clutching the wound with unspoken panic. He rushed toward them, reaching out to support their body weight.

His voice was demanding, "Why are you bleeding?! What the hell happened?"

"It was just an Abyss Mage. Get out of my sight! I don't fucking want you here."

He knew he deserved their scalding words but that didn't stop him from trying. He held his tongue to stop a smart ass comment. Usually, he wouldn't hold back but he knew this wasn't the time.

"You may not want me here, but if you don't get some help you'll bleed out before you can make it to the cathedral." He spoke calmly despite his internal conflict, and they knew that he had a point.

Begrudgingly they leaned against him as he escorted them through town. Moving hurt as it aggravated their injury but it was necessary. As soon as they got inside the cathedral he called for Barbara who appeared around the corner. Her face contorted in horror as she escorted them to the infirmary.

Kaeya sat amongst the pews and waited, having an internal debate with himself. Would they forgive him? Would they even hear him out?

Hours passed before Barbara remerged with news of their condition. He could see them but they could not leave for a while. With caution, he entered, knocking on the door frame to get their attention.

They turned their head in his direction but scowled when they realised that it was him. "Do you need something?"

He hummed, "No but you do." Sitting on the edge of the bed, he took their hands in his, "I wanted to apologise. Both for what I said to you and for taking your kindness for granted."

They stared him down but say nothing but sincerity in his eyes, "I'm listening."

He was slightly caught off guard by their response, nevertheless though it made him happy. They fact that they were willing to listen showed that there was a possibility for forgiveness.

[sirowsky]

The Stories We Tell Ourselves (One-Shot)

Author's Note: So, this was an ask sent to me by my darling wife, @lucrezia-thoughts a while back, that I for some reason never actually added to my collection of works. Which seemed like a shame, since I'm kinda proud of it (it was my very first ask), so I thought I'd re-post it and give it a proper spotlight. Description: Mando's injured and Grogu's bored, so fem!reader tells him a bedtime story.

Rating: Everyone (all fluff all the way on this one, though blood is mentioned) Word Count: 1872

It had been one of those days when one thing had just bled into another, and everything had gone wrong. It was a miracle all three of you had survived, but the Mandalorian had been injured, trying to protect you from a very unpleasant trader, who had knives concealed everywhere in his clothing. Mando had been cut along his side, and while the injury would heal on its own, it had bled a lot before you’d been able to get back to the Crest and properly dress it. He’d insisted on getting the ship off the planets surface before he’d allowed you to help him, and as a result, there was blood everywhere. He hadn’t actually hired you, he had just sort of… realised that the kid liked you and decided that if you were brave enough to stick with them despite the danger of their situation, without even asking for payment, then he wouldn’t stop you.

You weren’t sure if he actually liked you. It was hard to tell with him, even after months of being couped up with the man. You could quite easily read him around others, as you’d become familiar with his body language and mannerisms, so you knew how he should behave if he liked you. But for some reason, he behaved differently with you. His body language was always much more still and maybe even careful, around you, as though he was afraid you’d break if he accidentally bumped into you. It was more than a little annoying, sometimes, since it made it difficult to define what your relationship actually was. But it was mostly just annoying because you wanted him to bump into you. He was a mystery, but that wasn’t what drew you to him. He was kind and respectful, quiet but strong, in both body and conviction. He wasn’t too proud or too self-assured, but he was loyal and protective and gentle. It was quite amazing to you that he was so proficient at using those hands for violence, when he was also so tender with the baby. It had brought tears to your eyes on more than one occasion.

When you’d finally cleaned the last remnants of blood from the controls in the cock-pit, you headed back down to check on Mando. But your eyes fell on the empty pram sitting on the floor of the cargo-bay.

“Oh, no. Kid… where’d you go?”

You searched quietly, not wanting to wake Mando after you’d finally gotten him to lay down in his bunk to rest, before going to scrub the blood away. But then you heard a muffled giggle, and of course it came from the damned bunk. You’d left the door open so that you could easily hear it if he stirred or seemed to worsen in any way.

“No, no, no… Come on, get out of there, let the man rest.”

You reached in and snatched the kid off of Mando’s chest and then stood there for a minute, rocking him quietly against your hip, while you listened for any sign that your… companion… had woken up. You eventually sighed and sat down on a crate, directly behind the bunk, cradling the kid in your arms.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping, you know.”

He just cooed and looked at you with bright eyes.

“Okay. How about a bedtime story?”

He just blinked and angled his head a bit more towards you.

“Hm, let’s see. When I was young, my mother would tell me stories about love to get me to sleep. She said that a child that feels loved, will always have the comfort to sleep soundly. So, this story begins with a King. A good, and kind man who rules his land with open arms and a warm heart, but also protects it with ferocity and conviction. Because that land holds everything that he loves, and without it – he’d be broken. One day, when the King is travelling, he finds an orphan outside of his dominion, and being the good man that he is, he brings the child home, to raise as his own. He has no idea how to do that, and it’s chaotic most of the time, especially since his duties can’t be put on hold while he cares for a baby. He still has to rule the land. But he loves that baby so much, that no matter how hard it gets, he endures. He doesn’t care that he hasn’t slept in days, or that he’s always terrified that something’s gonna happen to his boy. None of it matters, as long as the child is safe.”

Mando woke up the moment the kid climbed onto his chest. It was reflexive at this point. Even though he knew that you were there, and would care for the boy without his asking, he was already conditioned to react to whatever the little one needed. But he was wounded and tired, and he heard you coming down from the cock-pit, probably having cleaned up his mess – yet again, so he ignored the kid, and made no effort to let you know that he was awake, when you came to pick the child up. He was in some pain, the wound throbbing a little with each beat of his pulse, which made falling back asleep a little harder, even though he was exhausted. And it was surprisingly nice, just listening to you talk quietly to the kid, not knowing he could hear you. It wasn’t surprising that he found it nice; he found everything about you nice. It was surprising that he enjoyed the eavesdropping aspect so much. That he liked the intimacy of listening to you when your guard was down, and you were just being a woman caring for a child. He listened closely to your story, not missing the clear similarities to your actual life and the way you two had met.

“So, when the King has to travel again, he decides to bring his son along, and they go on a long and adventurous journey together. But on their way back, they come across a woman, wounded and in need of help. And because the King is a good man, he brings the woman to his castle, and helps her heal. And while she heals, she repays the King his kindness, by looking after his son while he cares for his kingdom. And as the woman watches her rescuer, and sees the true warmth of his heart as he cares for his land as closely, and tenderly, as he cares for his son, she falls in love with him.”

He nearly stopped breathing as he heard the words. Could you really mean him? The rest of the story was more or less exactly your story, so you had to be talking about him. He had never allowed himself to consider it. To think that you could ever want to be with a man like him, no matter how much he might want you to. He knew that his efforts to restrain himself around you made him seem stiff and perhaps a bit cold, and it always hurt him to see you try so hard to read him, to understand why he was different towards you than his friends. But if you wanted him too… that changed everything.

“But this wonderful man is a King, and she’s just a woman he found on the side of the road. She has no claim to him, and she’s afraid to tell him how she feels, because if he doesn’t feel the same, it’ll break her heart. So, she cares for the child as best she can, and hopes that he won’t make her leave the castle once she’s healed. And he doesn’t. He let’s her stay, and over time, she finds the courage to tell him the truth, and he reveals that he loves her too. And together they raise the child with love and happiness and adventures, and that’s how this little story ends, my sweet.”

The kid was asleep by the time you finished the tale, and you rocked him gently in your arms after you fell silent, to make sure he wouldn’t stir once you got up to put him back in his pram. You tucked him in snugly, and then closed the little egg up, to keep him warm and safe. Once you were done, you raised your hand up to your neck, rubbing idly at the knots and strained muscles, after such a long day of hardships and stress, and you couldn’t stop the exhausted sigh that escaped you. The movement to your side didn’t register in your brain until Mando was already sitting up at the edge of the bunk, and it startled you. You flinched and then your brain woke up again, and you approached him.

“Hey, what’s the matter, are you okay? Do you need anything?”

Oh, stars above… the number of ways that he could answer that last question.

“I was about to ask you the same thing.”

“No, no, you’re the one that’s wounded, which means I’m the only one that gets to ask that.”

He considered that for a moment.

“I heard your story, mesh’la.”

You froze, and suddenly your heart was frantic in your chest. He heard… all of that? You’d been so certain he was completely passed out! You hadn’t meant to pour so much truth into the story, but it had happened anyway, and now he knew how you felt. He knew. He saw you begin to panic and reached a gloved hand out to you, which you couldn’t bring yourself to take, but before you could back away from him, he reached for your waist instead, and pulled you in closer, until you were standing between his slightly bent knees as he rested against the bunk. You were flustered and shocked to suddenly be so close to him, and you found yourself having trouble figuring out where to put your hands in the small space between you. He’d never given any indication that he liked it whenever you’d touched him, so you settled for resting your palms on the flat and cool beskar on his chest, with your eyes firmly planted on the diamond shaped indentation at the centre of it.

“It was a very good story. I really liked it.”

Your eyes snapped up to stare at his visor, and you wanted to say a thousand things. But nothing came out. You felt him draw in a shaky breath, before his hands tightened on your hips, pulling you even closer. Then he bent his head forwards, leaning his helmet against your forehead, and your arms found their way around his waist, suddenly needing to hold him to you, now that he’d finally given you his silent permission.

“Would you tell me another story?”

His voice was trembling just a bit. Just enough that you could tell through the modulator.

“Okay. What would you like to hear?”

“Tell me how the story continues, after the King declares his love for the woman? Tell me how they live happily ever after… and I promise I’ll try to make the story come true for you.”

THE END

[reverielix]

Bang chan as a boyfriend based on his chart?

Sure ;)))

Let’s get straight into it!💭

I’ve been wanting to talk about his interceptions/duplications for some time, and now it finally fits haha!!😊 His Venus is intercepted and...let’s say that his chart (+ Saturn singleton and other aspects) poses some obstacles for romantic relationships, and suggests a personal transition/journey he has to go through in order to even allow himself to experience romantic love and affection....🤭

Scorpio is intercepted in the 6th house in his chart while Taurus is intercepted in the 12th house. Capricorn makes up for it and rules both the 8th and 9th house as Cancer rules both the 2nd and 3rd house. So what does that mean?

First of all, the qualities associated with Scorpio and Taurus are hard for him to access as they weren’t taught or understood at an early age. This can further suggest that he experienced a lack of love and tenderness, while receiving criticism, (Saturn singleton, 6th house stellium, Chiron in the 6th makes him extremely sensitive to criticism, he started young as a trainee and went through monthly evaluations and such for 7 years!) which probably influenced his self-perception, as he already has low self-esteem and lots of self-doubt implied in his interception, which suggests a need for validation and extra-love, though he was given the opposite. Moreover, he could’ve had issues forming an opinion and sticking to it (supported by his Libra placements), fully devoting himself in a relationship (any type, Mars conjunct 7th house) and leaving his comfort zone. Lack of privacy, fear of loss and struggles regarding finances/recourses may have also occurred in his life. These aspects in regard to the 6th and 12th houses hint at an unstable and insecure environment as a result of lacking routine (e.g. going to sleep at odd hours with Pisces and Virgo here) and giving into bad habits. Something generally big in his chart is his insecurity and deceiving perception of himself as well as his ways of coping (intercepted Taurus, Saturn singleton, Virgo Chiron,... surpresses/ignores feelings or ignores them). He may use his self-doubt and criticism from both others and himself as a “fuel” for his determination and work-ethic to try and prove others and a part of himself wrong. Although one might argue that using negativity to grow from it is benificial, he harms himself subconsciously by having that mindset, since when a) he fails, like all of us do sometimes, he will fall into a pit of self-hatred or b) he achieved a goal, but after it, he’ll still be unsatisfied and want more. It always ends back where he started; craving for UNCONDITIONAL love, but he won’t give himself that type of love (unconditional love can also be associated with Neptune, which is in retrograde in his chart, and can contribute to hyper-awareness of his own wrongs). The love he gives himself is conditional and situational, which he adapted from all the lack of love and criticism and makes him feel like he will never be enough. A big lesson he has to learn is that his work/success doesn’t define him, and he is enough without his awards and wins. He’s an amazing person just being himself, and once he realizes that he deserves unconditional love, he will also be a step further to allow love to come his way. (You can’t come from a place of hatred and expect love to come out at the end!)

In terms of his Venus and his 7th house conjunctions, I can see how he craves love deeply and intensely, he craves privacy and validation, though with intercepted planets the individual isn’t allowed or suppresses a core-part of their personality. In Chan’s case, he suppresses his longing for romantic love and relationships as he is taught to focus on his work (he channels all his energy through his Saturn singleton, work is existential to him) rather than his need for affection, because “I don’t deserve love anyway” (conditional self-love, damaged awareness of self-worth). He perhaps doesn’t consciously know who he is looking for, but craves stability, (a routine to help him feel comfortable, as he values that with his Cancer and Capricorn duplications, but we’ll get to that later) sensuality, validation, appreciation, inspiration, acceptance and most importantly: love! In terms of Taurus here, which is intercepted and is ruled by Venus, I can see how a big life lesson is to value and appreciate his materialistic possessions and achievements that originated from hard work. He needs to learn how to feel appreciative of his past efforts and learn to feel satisfied with himself and his past efforts as well as allow himself to rest.

His Saturn singleton in conjunction with what I’ve discussed previously briefly points out; he channels his entire energy though his work, through restrictions, through his reputation and his ambition. (This Placement fits perfectly with him being on stage. He performs with such purpose, with such determination and devotion by using his body (Aries), and most importantly with his group (11th house).) The Pluto Mars conjunction also hints at Chan being a very devoted individual, who can get engulfed in his task and even isolate himself when doing something he’s passionate about. His Saturn is also in retrograde, which internalizes this placement and makes him very conscious about his success, reputation and overall misery and hardship that he wants to (perhaps aggressively or boldly) take action on and improve all the time. He fears letting people down and wants to live up to their expectations, while often letting himself down in the process, which feeds into his conditional self-love and lack of self-acceptance. He sets limits for himself, when actually, he wants to be free, because he lives in fear of not being enough and fulfilling people’s expectations of him as he wants to have a good reputation and success, be better than all the authority figures with criticizing eyes he’s been exposed to all his life. A contradiction within himself here is that he doesn’t want people to tell him what to do, he doesn’t like being pushed around and wants to be his own boss, but as soon as somebody expects something of him or questions his authority, he wants to prove them wrong and so does what they want. He is a pushover, in a way, but is consciously very resistant toward rules and boundaries other authority figures set for him to follow. Additionally, valuing tradition and following a routine (6th house interception) can be hard for him (especially when it comes to sleep, 12th house). Further interpreting, his Sun (Libra, 5th house) is opposite his Saturn, which can indicate a gap in self-perception that I touched on in the previous paragraph, outlining his rather subconscious (12th house interception, so this part is more “hidden” from him, while the 12th house is already hard to access in the first place) way of self-destruction considering his way with doubt and criticism and how it will forever remain a spiral of negativity that results in no progress if he doesn’t understand he is deserving of UNconditional love). Additionally, he might believe he can only be loved when he performs well and succeeds, which is obviously not true, though it is a big life lesson for him to truly understand that, with his 12th house interception and his tendency to ignore his intuition/spirituality to listen to the logics (air signs and other). He can escape this spiral of negativity by learning this big lesson; he is worthy, he deserves love, he deserves privacy, he deserves care (from himself and others).

Ways to “unlock interceptions” and learn the previously mentioned life lessons are to look at the “directors” (the signs that rule the intercepted houses, so in Chan’s case it’s Libra and Aries), the duplications and take into consideration his intercepted Chiron. First, let’s look at his 6th house ruler: Libra. Libra ruling the 6th house is usually a sign of self-care in a physical sense and beauty and care in everyday routine, pets or a desire of taking care of one. Though, with his Saturn singleton in Aries (opposite Libra) I can see how he works too much and disregards his mental and physical health (12th house would be mental health here). A helpful way of dealing with this is arranging a routine in which he assembles self-care and private time (he had a lack of, which the interceptions point at) to feel instead of brushing his emotions off (12th house interception). He will feel lonely. He longs for love with his Pluto conjunction his descendant, he can even become obsessive about it and feel the need to be with somebody. But as long as he doesn’t understand he deserves UNconditional love from most importantly himself, he won’t be able to allow (healthy) love in his life and recognize when he isn’t being treated the right way, because he pushes others away and has no clarity of what he deserves. In this routine that I have previously mentioned, where he shall implement self-care and privacy, he needs to give himself time to feel and not push his emotions away anymore. And as he accepts his emotions and turmoil, this 12th house part that we all have (this part that Billie addresses in idontwannabeyouanymore), that is hurt and deals with all the things we brush off in a “call me what you wanna, ‘cause I’ve probably called me worse.” way (self-criticism with the Chiron in the 6th — as Chiron is also healing and the 6th house comes together with routine and stability, I can see how this fortifies my claim — and interceptions). When he lets himself feel, accepts his negative feelings and takes care of himself, he will learn to love ALL of him (also his “demon” and will learn to access his 12th house). Through all of this, he will trust himself and his intuition more, learn to use both his brain & heart — here I think it’s remarkable that Melanie has multiple Taurus placements and a Scorpio rising — as the line between reality and delusion isn’t blurry anymore. Listening to his intuition, he will start to feel comfortable with himself and the things and people around him. He will learn to surround himself with the things he feels comfortable with, and not only “should” (brain). This is a big desire: comfort. His Cancer/Capricorn duplications leave him longing for a home, though as long as he doesn’t feel at home with himself, he won’t feel at home anywhere (ties in with 2nd house Cancer and his self-esteem being ruled by the moon with a desire for comfort). And when he learned to love, accept and feel comfortable with himself, he will allow love into his life and not push anyone away anymore (he will learn that it doesn’t matter if he failed or not, if he worked hard enough or not: he deserves love and care like he gives it to others). This is how he could “unlock” his Venus, perhaps. Regarding his Neptune retrograde in the 9th; in conjunction with his 12th house being intercepted, he needs to learn to create a sleep pattern that is healthy and provides him with enough rest. This will then also strengthen his trust and intuition.

Also, his Pluto Mars conjunction conjunct his 7th can imply that whenever he experiences hurt or is left by somebody else, he can transition this pain and obstacle into power and drive, motivation with which he approaches new relationships. This ties in with the dominant role that Saturn plays in his life, as Saturn is essentially working hard through hurdles and misery to come out successful.

So, now that we’ve established that his chart is challenging in regards to his love life and really just anything, we can get into the actual thing haha

⇢ confession/beginning stages

His Libra Sun and Mercury in the 5th, Gemini rising and Aquarius mc can give him a very playful and airy first impression

He is generally attracted to mannerism, soft spokenness and gentleness, as he also likes showing these parts of himself to romance others haha

Would probably take it slow and not rush into relationships (would take a while to confess, he first has to relish in the feeling of having a crush lol)

He might want to introduce himself as the fun and flirty version of himself, though I feel like he’d be way less bold than Minho (he’s a shy Libra bean) — it doesn’t mean he’s “acting” or anything. That’s just as much him as is every other part of his chart.

I don’t think his Venus would shine through in the beginning (I’d be more his air signs taking the lead, talking away and vibing lol) He’d most likely keep it light and nice on the first date, show off his manners yk👀

His intercepted Venus stressed that it would take him a lot of work to let himself freely express his love language and refrain from bottling it up

But once he does let himself express his love freely, during his confession or an intimate moment, it would fizz all up

His confession may be very thought through and planned, though in the moment, he’d just improvise anyway and fizz up like a bottle of sparkling water under too much pressure from holding back everything

Heartfelt confessions are his specialty, though he’d probably get very emotional

Scorpio is already kind of a wild sea, waves hitting the stones, but that interception would just contribute to this inner tension and turmoil

Once he feels attraction toward somebody, it can be very intense, even scary at times

His confession would be the one of a young boy who feels love for the very first time, intense and emotional, maybe clumsy

Though he’d mean every word

He’s just such a loving and caring person,,,,I’m not crying you are because even astrology says he’s nurturing and lovely

⇢ overall behavior in relationship

I feel like this short fic describes it pretty well haha (I read it and immediately thought of his Scorpio Venus interception)

It could be scary for him to be in love with somebody and go past the first, flirty phase

He’d be very devoted and give his all in the relationship (like how Minho would)

Just with the exception that Minho is pretty aware of this part of himself and embraces it with confidence

Though Chan on the other hand would get to know himself in another light

His emotions would fizz up, as he’s held the desire for love back for way too long (his Libra placements and especially his Pluto descendant conjunction have been begging him) and he could perhaps find the intensity of his romantic feelings scary or shocking

His Pluto descendant conjunction gives him a transformative feature. He can be drawn to relationships in which power dynamics can become toxic, though he has the skill to take the pain and transform himself from a hurting to a more powerful person in control. This can be something to look out for when he hasn’t yet gone through the lesson of acceptance and love for himself as his little self-esteem can be abused by a partner with this placement (Also, his Taurus interception hints at a lack of self-worth and boundaries, just like his 12 and 6th house interceptions do, as he can have issues recognizing when something is happening to him that is not right and he doesn’t deserve). Pluto conjunct the descendant can also hint at a partnership in which both partners are very successful and work together toward wealth, success and a comfortable home. His Venus is intercepted and this aspect points at, amongst other things, an unknowingness when it comes to an ideal type or what someone looks for in relationships. The Pluto descendant conjunction and Venus placement suggest that he is subconsciously on the outlook for or especially attracted by somebody who he can work hard together with and is devoted to the relationship and him. He may end up with somebody very successful and wealthy, who transforms him deeply as this person can feel to him like they are too intense for words to describe them.

His Mars conjunct his Pluto and the descendant accentuates what I previously said as he tends to express his drive and motivation in one-to-one relationships, which can bring a passion and determination into a relationship. He tends to get swallowed up by what he does, oftentimes forgets time or a sense of when to stop when he’s especially motivated or passionate about something. In a relationship that could mean a great deal of loyalty and devotion as well as proactiveness when it comes to achieving shared goals and fulfilling shared desires.

His Venus is in a square aspect with his Neptune, which is in retrograde. As I have discussed before, he needs to give himself time to let himself feel. Here it is suggested that there can be a cloud where certain feelings lie. He has a hard time accessing his subconscious, dreams, spirituality and intuition (in conjunction with his 12th house and Neptune rx he, as he has also confirmed, doesn’t have a good relationship with sleep). He has difficulty with his feelings and recognizing, accepting and embracing them. He can be prone to deception and misjudgment (reality and delusion are blurred, as I said previously and also mentioned a way to “unlock” that). Here it’s possible he may choose a partner not right for him, somebody who deludes him into that tale of an intense and powerful bond as his Venus interception also suggests, as already mentioned; he doesn’t consciously know who he’s looking for. He simply craves love and a comfortable, successful future and tends to see that in people who are not for him. It may be hard for him to feel fulfilled if he doesn’t feel fulfilled with himself yet and also because of this deceptiveness he tends to have.

All these things, the 7th house, Pluto, Scorpio, Mars and the interceptions are very much rooted within him. Having watched this video (I would highly recommend you to check her channel out if you’re into astrology!) on shadows and blind spots in astrology, I realized that love and Chan’s attitude toward love is deeply rooted in him. It can be a sensitive topic and bring out blind spots, parts of himself that he doesn’t really know or want to except. He may push his s/o away for bringing out these deeply rooted and emotionally triggering as well as intense things and shining a light on these aspects he dislikes and rejects about himself. He can live in denial of his longing for love and behavior in love as well as his desires, and be protective over these things. This can express itself in engagement with toxic endeavors and relationships. A build-up of jelousy, rage, vengeance and other negative qualities associated with especially Scorpio can come into play. He may be in denial of them and hardly even be able to access these parts, though I feel like in relationships, these qualities are prone to explode in his chart, as he is also likely to bottle anger up and avoid conflict. Maybe he has a hard time staying with somebody, though he is a devoted lover, because he can’t address the problems rooted within himself and rather projects them onto others in one-to-one relationships. Again, though, when he lets himself feel all these negative feelings, all the hurt and aggression, he can transform into a very powerful person and change who he is on a deeper level. These placements, which are tightly conjunct with love and relationships, point at the most vulnerable and scariest parts of him. Confronting scary parts and being brave is the key here!

His Venus interception, if not resolved, (though even when it’s resolved, it won’t forever be gone,) poses obstacles in love style and overall behavior in specifically romantic relationships. He may be shy and tapping into the unknown as he can be clumsy and confused in love. Like a boy loving for the first time, he will have issues expressing his love in a way he feels like is true to himself or feels comfortable. He has difficulty accessing Scorpio qualities and since his Venus lies in Scorpio, I can see him also bursting sometimes. As in, one day he’s more cold and holds back and on another day he showers his s/o with all the love. He can be very intense in love, especially on these days where he just can’t hold back anymore, where this intensity fizzes up.

I think he’d run into a lot of problems finding somebody who is right for him, but once he’s figured it out, he will be such a devoted partner with a passion to proactively work on the relationship and shared goals and desires. He will work hard for the relationship, just like he does for everything, because after all, that’s how he expresses himself with his Saturn singleton; through work and dedication. Love can be life-changing for him. But emotional highs and lows can occur as he “transitions” and continues to grow. It can often be a deep transformation that can feel like death and rebirth. This is the thing I’ve talked about earlier: he is self-destructive (and can also project these denied things about himself onto others) as he tries holding things associated to Mars, Pluto, the 7th house and Scorpio in his chart back/in. The interception being “unlocked” doesn’t make it disappear though — he’ll still be struggling with it and find it hard to address his emotions, establish routine or take care of himself as he gets lost in his passion and work-ethic.

Lastly, we cannot forget that the 5th house, the Sun, the Moon and the 2nd house usually play a big role concerning love in the birth chart as well. Most of these placements reflect how he knows himself and identifies with certain traits. All the previous things I’ve discussed are things hidden and deeply-rooted in his persona that he can have difficulties recognizing and coping with. So let’s jump into the parts of himself that he’s more comfortable with and more aware of, which also implies a more direct and conscious expression of the following aspects. As I already said referring to the first stages; he approaches romance in a flirty, gentle, fun and romantic way. He may enjoy going on dates a lot, meeting new people, being open-minded and generally gets along with most. He just has an easy time with romance in general as he possesses a natural way with words, though shyly, and a characteristic ability to attract many. It could be that he sees it as a priority to keep the romance alive, so he will keep arranging dates and such all throughout the relationship. Somebody with Libra placements or traits can make him feel special and admired, understood even. He can be a good advisor, great at giving compliments or a “therapist figure” to his partner, and is generally very giving. Good for him would be somebody who gives him validation, reminds him of his self-worth, respects his personal space and creates an environment of privacy and intimacy that’s in a way secret and visatable to only him and his s/o. Somebody who provides comfort, care and affection. (Something else would be conditional love. He could base love off of fairness and imply conditions, which both his Libra placements and his Neptune rx suggest, as Neptune can represent unconditional love and the “merging” of two souls. His Venus in the 6th can also suggest high expectations that hold him back from forgiving his partner’s mistakes and flaws as he could hold a grudge or hold these mistakes against his partner in future affairs.) He may also show his affection in a more practical way with gifts, acts of service and touch.

⇢ dates

I can see him being pretty spontaneous haha. Sagittarius is on the cusp of the 7th house and his Pluto and Mars, which are conjunct his 7th, are also in Sagittarius, so he may enjoy little trips into other cultures with his partner to relax a bit from work. Also, let’s not forget, he has his Sun and Mercury in his 5th and many personal Libra placements, he’s a big romantic. It’s how he knows himself, how he shows himself, how he communicates and how he feels. I thought I’d mention this part of his personality, because it’s the most straight-forward and commonly known “version” of Chan, even to himself. Since a partner tends to bring out 7th house qualities and motivate a person to be less their ascendant (the person they were motivated to be as a child or in their early lives) and more a “hidden” version of themselves (so in Chan’s case more bigger-picture-oriented or in favor of getting to know new cultures instead of only taking short road trips,...). So, here’s a little scenario in 1st person (just skip it if you’re not into flash fiction haha):

After 17 hours of flights and waiting, a hard-bedspring hotel mattress seemed a dream, but “the stars shine bright tonight,” Chan smiled

So instead of a douvet, a beach towel pressed against our backs

It had been 2 months, and though it was only an extended weekend, I was gonna spend every second enjoying him and Montpellier.

“I still hate that I forgot my dress.”

“You look better in my jacket anyway.”

The waning moon painted the sea, shone in his eyes

“Can’t have a cute French guy steal my baby.” Sweater paws covered his dimples, but his eyes told in the way they winged up

“Never.”

The Scorpio and Pluto conjunction is coming through🤭

Taper candle lit and polyester napkin folded into a lotus, we sipped on the nicest sounding wine the menu offered.

He laughed with gold in the eyes, an Italian-style suit and curls on his forehead.

“I’ll get whatever they do.” He tilted his head as shadows traced his dimples. The waiter rose his brows.

“I’d like...uhm...Beu- Boeuf bouuu-” Letters morphed into each other, a strand fell.

“Boeuf Bourguignon. Oui, ready in a minute, madame, monsieur.” He left behind an onion smell.

When Chan reached for Ficelle slices, sleeves were loose on his suit.

“This garlic spread’s nice.”

“So nice, you’ve got to have it on your face?”

He covered his face with the sleeves as he wiped

And then some of the spread ends up on his sleeve lol

If life is a movie // Oh you’re the best part.

11:23pm

D-Major vibrated off his acoustic guitar, and his voice accompanied mine through the last chorus

The mattress was softer than expected and his voice fuzzier than I’d remembered.

Love me, won’t you “ever leave me”

Guitar on the bedside table, his arms enclosed me. Nowhere else would I have rather been. (Lol sorry for being cheesy)

Also can we just appreciate his TALENT for a second like this man gives me goosebumps with that tone and his stunning vocal stability☁️💗

Additional small thought; I think with his Sun conjunct his Mercury in the 5th, he isn’t only good at communication, thinks a lot and is proud of it, but also probably talks to himself haha

Feel free to lmk your own thoughts on this post as well as other aspects concerning his chart, let’s chat!💫

//I also want to add that, yes, without the possibility of him using his birth chart to his advantage and making his “demons” a controlled part of him that he turns for the better, he does have a very difficult love life focused on business and unhealthy power dynamics in which he would most likely be the one seeking control, considering his libra placements as well as the significance of Saturn in his birth chart suggesting that he feels the constant need to conform to societal norms for self-esteem reasons and others talked about above like the Saturn retrograde.//