#and knowing that even though i'm neither straight nor a girl there WILL be ppl calling me a straight girl fetishizing queer relationships

[future-crab]

It's been said before, it will be said again, but it's still worth saying: the fact that art centering on straight romance is allowed to just be bad, but art with queer romance in it always has to be indicative of A Serious Problem With the Way We Tell Queer Stories makes being a queer person making queer art deeply stressful

[appledotcodotuk]

why the hive fckin suck at its job: a rant

spoilers for tgwdlm ahead!

first of all, it's important to consider what exactly the hive's job is. my answer is... who the fuck knows. literally. what is the hive's aim. what do you want Paul? more like, what do you want hive? let's find out!

it kinda evolves, as the play progresses. the intial aim of the hive, and one that does actually remain consistent is the constant burning need to grow and devour and gain more and more (insert capitalism metaphor here).

however, this is distorted by the people it possess who influence that aim, as we'll see later.

also the fact it crashes into a theatre displaying Mamma Mia gives the hive the motive it need to fit the world around it to the structure of the musical. having no originality of its own, the hive instead just picks up what is given to it. kinda like an evil baby.

it wants uniformity, that is indeed its ultimate goal and desire, no duh. it thinks it can achieve that through musical theatre, shame that the hive is dead wrong. cause the hive fucking sucks at its own job / aim / ultimate purpose / one concrete goal that motivates all its actions.

can't maintain control over its subjects

okay, so, the hive wants uniformity. it wants everyone to be dancing to the beat of its own tune. right? yeah. shame it literally can't keep its own possessed subjects in line at all. at the risk of sounding like the 10th doctor waxing lyrical abt humanity for the 50th time, humans are really difficult to control cause we're not really motivated by an altruistic allegiance to one primary good. we've got icky emotions that often move us to do stupid unpredictable stuff way more. it makes me wonder if the reason the hive wanted to use musical theatre to try and persuade ppl was cause it seems to think that is how theyll get emotive humans; through emotive songs. anyways. let's look at some examples shall weeeee?

Mr Davidson:

so, Mr Davidson. funnily enough, he's the guy whose in part acting as the hive trying to figure out what it wants through his interactions w/ Paul. every person it possess gives it just a bit more humanity and curiosity abt the world it is currently taking over. at least I think so. hence why as the musical develops u get character's like possessed!Alice wondering 'why does it hurt to love?' - the change in music and mood to something much more introspective really suggests to me that the hive is beginning to question the thoughts and emotions of its human hosts.

Mr Davidson is a family man through and through, he loves his wife Carol. she's his muse, his source of light. his feelings for her are not concrete or easy to explain and solve - hence why his sudden ahem demand of her is so hilarious and also jarring. it completely clashes with the 'I want song' which is simple, and often pushes forward a wider cause. not so with Mr Davidson, he just really loves his wife man. enough to break a frickin alien possession.

tbh I think its hilarious that (at least to me) the hive has to force him to forget and continue with the song, like, he straight up is just talking to his wife in that phone call, talking, not singing. so, no possession until he reverts back into song. ergo, the hive cannot maintain the uniformity it wants. even from the get go when theoretically its control should be stronger cause it has less ppl to co-ordinate. bad. at. its. job.

Paul:

this one hurts folks. yes, I know it's generally agreed, though somewhat debated that the state of Paul by the end of the tgwdlm is not purely possessed. I agree. once again, the hive is unable to truly enforce uniformity.

at this point, the motives of Paul and the hive are kinda just mixed, neither fully human nor fully alien. hence the constant shifts between pleeing for her to get away, to hide, to stay safe: 'what if the only choice is you have to sing to survive' and just full on old style hive nastiness 'let me puke in your mouth and just open your food bin girl' (so romantic 🥰 /j).

the hive has gone away from its original aim, and become something... different. no longer stuck to just one type of genre or style of song, it's really clever to show the developing complexity of the hive by showing how it is now juggling lots of different motifs with references to all the old songs from before recontextualised in a new way - its learning. evil baby... no longer uniform.

general miscommunication:

there are several instances of the hive not fully having uniform control over its subjects. for instance, right after not your seed with the three teens having to like... calibrate. they aren't just completely connected then?? also, this is a very small thing, but uhhhh at the end of inevitable when Paul is about to say the apotheosis is upon... the chorus interrupts him with USSSSSSS. interruptions??? not very in sync of u hive.

I think this inability to exert uniformity is also shown in the contrast between genre of musical theatre. my alien abomination cannot decide whether it wants to be the more modern edgy rock musical (join us (and die), not your seed ) or super happy go lucky old style musical theatre (lah dee dah dah day, and inevitable). it tries to do both, even while trying to encourage union, and sticking to one thing. hypocrite!!!!!

2. aims are guided by the people it possess

so, I mentioned this a bit already, but the hive isn't only mutating the humans, the humans are mutating the hive right back. this is more an interesting observation than any actual analysis but let's goooo.

greenpeace girl:

I think it's very likely that greenpeace girl is one of the first to be possessed. This is probably easily debunkable but whatever this analysis is flying by the seat or its pants anywayyyyy. why? cause where else would it pick up that whole 'this planet needs fixing' thing? it's interesting too, cause it morphs from expressing the desire to join hands and sing together, unity and peace with no actual action behind it. this then goes right to the other end, with the hive going 'fine I'll do it myself' and trying to save things by enforcing a dictatorship on the world. it develops and changes, and strays from its original means of accomplishing its aims! speaking oooooof...

3. inconsistent in means of accomplishing aims

okay, ur an evil hive mind. u think musicals are the way to win over these silly humans cause they're all weak and emotive and seem to respond to them. but, wait! schwoopsie! you haven't realised that for emotional depth and growth to mean anything, you need there to be established development and well... growth. otherwise the sentiments are as vague as the ones expressed in What Do You Want, Paul?

this show has genuine emotional moments, just not really during the musical numbers WITH EXCEPTIONS. any strife is smoothed over quickly, and so the development and change that would have to go into such growth is just gone. (see, You Tied Up My Heart) all so it can achieve its own desire to grow and grow and grow, maybe a metaphor for art being killed under late stage capitalism??

what actually matters is the impact the songs have afterwards, in causing a death - because we have a bond and care abt these characters. those short scenes between Paul and Emma are actually way more resonant than any song. except... inevitable, and also not your seed a bit. at this point the hive has learnt a thing or two, and can actually twist human emotion a little. but for it to do that, it has to reject the uniformity it prizes, and be adaptable. point towards being more human than it first thought? methinks so. and yet it's just not enough...

it's also why let it out, to me, feels really ingenuine. Paul has expressed himself in much better ways already. what they're doing is clearly paining him, and hurting the guy. he's terrified bless.

you can't force someone into being emotional vulnerable, man.

it's why all the deaths for the characters who are forced to express themselves are really violent, involving them being ripped open - literally forcing them to expose themselves from the 'inside out' as Alice reflects in Not Your Seed. you can't force genuine emotional connection, it has to be fostered, shown in the much more affecting relationship of Paul and Emma. the only reason the hive actually has power over our characters is because of these genuine emotional connections, which it tries and often fails to take advantage of, resulting in just resorting to brute violence. messy hive, very messy.

at the core, the musical's a kinda attack on that toxic positivity mindst: trying to force people to reach the sort of easy solutions by sharing feelings in a way that feels pretty invasive and deciding you are instantly fixed. the problems these characters face are jarringly not really what you'd expect a character in a musical to face, cheating, a lot of it, mid-life crisis. problems that are bland, or wayyyy too real. this is purposefully done, to reveal just how silly the hive's aim to use musical theatre to solve everyone's problem is. life is more complex than that smh.

4. a human can write a much more expressive, and genuine song than they ever could lol

u know which song I'm talking abt. what more is there to say. so much for making persuasive songs to tempt people over.

5. make me sad cause they took some perfectly nice ppl and funked them up 😭

this was a stupid point lol. basically I'm just bitter that this hive took a bunch of perfectly okay ppl and gave them hive brain. screw u hive. I swear I'm gonna watch Black Friday soon, cause I'm sure it's gonna completely destroy every thought I've had so far, but whateve,,, just take this as a look at tgwdlm like it's a stand-alone piece.

these guys are supposed to all be 'individuals' on one level, but also 'appendages of a much larger organism'. there's a little too much individualism and fracturing to be cohesive enough to do that I feel. the hive to me is not an infallible, unstoppable force, in fact, every human it takes over only brings it closer to understanding us. so that's maybe a slight positive note??? idk ?! I just have lots of thoughts and feelings abt this musical even if this doesn't make sense I'm proud i wrote it down hehe.

[toycarousel]

Hello Wren, I'm here because I need your help (in a way). So I'm a perfectly "normal" cis girl, I live in a great family and my parents never judge me. But I have a boyfriend, he's wonderful, very kind and good looking. He really likes to dress up as a woman (on a daily basis) but he's not transgender. And he has a lot of problems: his parents are really religious, he's often told he's just gay and he should stop being with me (that part uspets him a lot), and he gets insulted just because [1/2]

Of his apperance. I get really angry about that and often yell at whoever upsetted him. I wondered if you could provide us some advices concerning this. My boyfriend and I are very much in love and it kills me seeing him sad because of some random assholes. Thank you And I Hope you'll anwser. [2/2]

Hello, Anon! My apologies for the late response (I’ve been even more scattered than usual these days!)

I can offer peer advice, but I’m definitely not a professional, so if anything I say feels off to you or your boyfriend, just know that you don’t have to take my word as law or anything~!!! You can absolutely write off anything that doesn’t feel right to you! : O

Anyway, I’m totally with you two wrt how ppl are treating your boyfriend.  I’m not trans either, but I like to dress up as a girl fairly often (for me, it’s because women’s clothing/makeup is just typically a lot more aesthetically appealing than men’s -- mens’ clothes and such can be very, very dull, unfortunately).  Your boyfriend doesn’t need to have a reason for dressing the way he likes to dress (no one does!)

It sounds like you’re both confident in your relationship, and I wish that the ppl around you two understood that him wearing a certain type of clothing doesn’t say anything about his sexuality, gender, or relationships -- because it doesn’t! I actually suspect a lot of men, of all sexualities -- even the most intensely straight, cisgender man possible -- would wear women’s clothing and makeup and such, if it were considered socially acceptable.  A lot of straight, cisgender women prefer men’s clothing, because it’s just to their taste.  The reverse is true too, it’s just stigmatized so much more, and I wish your boyfriend didn’t have to deal with all that judgment from other ppl.  It sounds like he’s experiencing a lot of misdirected bigotry.

My casual advice to him would be to just stay true to himself, and continue to do what makes him happy! He can also try to let ppl know that no, he’s not dressing this way because he’s gay, that he doesn’t have to leave you, that he is attracted to you and wants to be with you, and that, ultimately, clothing is just clothing.  Though I’m guessing he’s already said things like this to some of the assholes who are picking him apart, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t listen.  Despite that, it’s still good to confidently tell them that he knows who he is, and that they’re wrong.  If some of these ppl do listen and internalize the message he’s trying to get across, that’s great! 

As for the ppl who don’t -- it’s not his job to make them understand.  They’ve got their own biases.  They’ve decided (his family, and everyone who doesn’t listen), that their own prejudices are the truth, and they likely don’t want to listen.  This probably scares them -- a lot of ppl are terrified when they’re forced to confront the truth that clothing + presentation doesn’t determine gender and/or sexuality.  I suspect that a lot of cisgender and/or straight ppl like feeling as though, as long as they wear the clothes they’re “supposed” to wear, and do the things they’re “supposed” to do, that it means their gender is the “right” gender, and is unquestionable and solidified.

So, when they’re then faced with someone like your boyfriend, who is attracted to women, and who isn’t transgender, but still likes to wear traditionally feminine clothing -- it just shakes those ppl to their core.  They’re used to believing things like “men are biologically wired to like blue, and trucks, and Man Things,” and “women are biologically wired to like pink, and dolls, and Woman Things,” but none of that stuff is true.  It’s all socially constructed.  (That, of course, doesn’t mean that it’s not okay for girls to be into girly things and guys to be into masculine things, but it’s not the rule, and it’s certainly not rooted in biology).

And when people are faced with their own internalized biases, and the silly gender beliefs they’ve held for a very long time are challenged like that (whether the person they perceive to be challenging these norms means to or not), they get scared, and feel insecure.  Your boyfriend is on the receiving end of them acting out on their own insecurities.  And that, ultimately, is their problem -- not his.  He’s done nothing wrong.  

And he doesn’t owe his family members anything, either.  Just because they’d be more “comfortable” being able to slot him into the cliche of “effeminate gay man”, in order to avoid facing their insecurities about clothing and appearance wrt gender/sexuality, doesn’t mean that he has to do anything about it.  If you want to be together, then you should be together.  And you should both be able to dress and behave however you want, regardless!

The only thing I’d warn for is taking safety precautions! Some ppl will just assume he’s transgender or gay, and will try to harm him based on the assumption.  If he’s in a physically safe space, then this shouldn’t be an issue, but if he feels like he’s going to be somewhere there could be violent ppl, or ppl he doesn’t know very well, he should be very careful as to how he presents himself -- again, not because he’s doing anything wrong, but because some ppl won’t just be assholes, they’ll be violent.  And neither of you should ever have to be subjected to that violence.

Otherwise, I’d honestly just reassure him that he’s gorgeous, and kind, and wonderful -- that he looks great the way he likes to dress, and that it’s not his responsibility (nor possible, in many cases) to change the minds of ppl who’ve decided to be bigoted, insecure, and shallow.  I know it can be difficult to write off the cruel things that ppl say, and that it has been getting to him, so I’ve linked a few resources below that can help with techniques as to how to ignore and/or cope with the things that bigots and bullies say.  I think that self-care and being reminded of how awesome it is that he expresses himself despite society’s terrible, arbitrary “rules”, is healthy too!

Here are some of those resources (and I included a couple crisis chatlines at the very bottom, in case he’s ever in a situation where he just rly wants to talk to someone supportive right away, you know?)

https://medium.com/@duncanr/how-to-respond-to-bullies-4db037629510 (this one is focused on how to respond to bullies, and in many cases I think this has a good message for you and your boyfriend, but again, be careful when applying this advice to a potentially dangerous situation -- avoiding danger and calling for help is the most effective way to go, imo).

https://www.vice.com/en_in/article/59nz5z/how-to-deal-with-friends-family-who-are-racist-sexist-or-bigoted 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-mysteries-love/201612/the-most-effective-way-put-end-verbal-abuse

https://www.verywellmind.com/identify-and-cope-with-emotional-abuse-4156673 (how to identify and cope with emotional abuse -- this can be applied to any relationship, including how your boyfriend’s family treats him, and how strangers treat him! Similar to the prior link!)

https://self-care-club.tumblr.com/post/139740925552/giant-self-help-masterpost (self care masterpost, full of nice things + sites and coping tactics for both you and your boyfriend’s general mental health -- for when you both need to take a step back and simply be kind to yourselves~!)

https://codedredalert.tumblr.com/post/109005732295/helpline-masterlist (crisis hotline masterpost)

https://www.7cups.com/ (free counselling, both phone and text chatlines available!)

Oof~! So, I know that was a long, long response (my apologies for being so wordy), but I hope some of what was said and linked here is helpful to both you and your boyfriend, and that your situations improve soon~