#and kind of about emotional rage and meaning
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friendofthecrows · 1 year ago
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If there was something that could reach inside my memories, or back in time, seeing everything, even things I can't remember anymore, I know the first thing I'd do is look at statistics about my emotions.
Was it really that bad? How did I feel compared to a normal person? Was I weak and lying to myself?
I'd stare at my average feelings laid out on a bell curve, without the bias of what I remembered or remembered to write down in the moment. I'd try to make sense of it. I'd look at an arc of my emotions over time, I'd see myself spiraling downwards - or healing, whichever turns out to be true. I'd look at my low point, and maybe it wouldn't be the spring I lost my best friend. Maybe I made an altar to that suffering in my mind. Or maybe I would look and go, "I see, so I was right. At least I don't have to worry about finding a secret, worse rock bottom." And for joy, maybe the stereotype would be right, and my happiest memories would be in childhood, even though I remembered it sucking in retrospect. Maybe there would be the same baseline, for the most part, but with big spikes for my favorite moments. An especially chaotically fun sleepover with my ex-best friends, the first time I watched my old favorite show that I don't like any more, the concerts, probably the concerts.
Once I'd made sense of the numbers, graphs, and general trends, or had stared at them long enough to know that I had gotten my share of attempted understanding, I would want to see the memories.
There's too much to watch, 22 years of it, so I would ask, "What was my best day from each year? The day that I was happiest?" I would ask it for a summary of each and a short explanation of why it's the best, each totaling a couple of pages. Then I'd watch the best hour of each of the best days.
I would have to split the watching over the course of a few days, and I know that in-between, I would be thinking about it, wanting to immerse myself in happy memories again.
I would write a little story for each of the 22 days. Happy little stories that don't mean anything.
I would do the same for the worst memories, locked in reliving like a trauma flashback.
Then, I'd want to know which moments were most impactful. Which ones changed me the most and altered the course of my life. What if I was shaped by my worst moments, or what if they were all completely mundane? Why am I this person? (These people?)
When I had all 44 to 66 stories, I'd put them in order and read them through. Would it make a coherent story? I would look for themes and compare them to my favorite novels. I would treat the thing like an English class until I understood. I would be scared to find it devoid of merit. Maybe I would share it anyway in the hopes someone would understand me through it.
How much would it say about me, really?
It should say a lot, what my happiest and saddest and most important memories are. How much characterization happens if the moments of joy don't center on graduations or meeting my best friend, but instead on concerts or frenzied mornings of internet chaos? It would be important if the day my mom's boyfriend died, when I was four and didn't understand death yet, so I thought he'd abandoned us and I couldn't understand why, didn't make it into the worst moments, and they were instead occupied by mundane moments of misery, those days where nothing important has happened but your chest rips itself open regardless.
Earlier today, I'd had an idea for a short story. It was about the ghost of a dog trying to keep his still living owner from killing himself.
I wonder if I was really thinking of Nikki, the half wolf half akita that did most of the work of raising me when I was a small child. Many times, my mom has remarked that she thought she heard a dog, only to find the dogs accounted for in another room. Sometimes, people catch glimpses of silver fur out of the corner of their eye, but Nikki isn't there. When I was a child, I was convinced she was with me. I couldn't see or hear her, but I knew she was watching, and I would talk to her. I'd hold my hand out to my side and imagine her running her back under it like she used to, and I couldn't feel her, but I knew she was there. When I was little, I got myself through so many things by thinking that I wouldn't want to make Nikki sad. The dead wolf who raised me. I couldn't break her heart.
At some point, I stopped doing that. I can't remember when.
Would memories of her make it into the book of moments? Would I want to live or die if I relived my most defining moments? Would Nikki be there, trying to comfort me? I wish I could remember how it felt to bury my face in her fur and cry.
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tagerrkix · 1 year ago
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rage.
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vaguely-concerned · 16 days ago
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few things bring me as much joy as my rook's expressive capacity for sudden withering disdain. (he's looking at illario here, of course lmao.) he's so hey i'm just a little guy...🥺 coded most of the time and then someone says something dumb enough that the mask cracks for a moment and every line of him says 'that is the stupidest fucking thing anyone has ever said to me and I'm aggrieved to even have had to hear it'. rye is mostly very kind but there IS a bastard lurking in his head waiting to be let out as well. not just solas but solas too I suppose. two bastards in rye ingellvar's head they keep each other company and are trying to strangle each other as we speak 😌.
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(vs. him looking over at lucanis a moment later during the same line delivery. since lucanis was actively into viago once I cannot imagine that getting to watch rye crack and be kind of mean to people who've earned it when too sorely tried is like. entirely without allure to him fhskjadf. witnessing illario pulling the old ingratiating 'rooook reason with him would you~ I'm the cousin with the charisma stats' routine and This being rook's response probably opened some as of yet ill-understood '...I think I hauve covid' corners of lucanis' soul. tfw your buddy has your back so completely (dawning erotic implications))
#rye 🤝harding: repressed rage that sometimes comes out in some not so pleasant ways when they get pushed too far lol#rye more so than harding I think I feel like he could get truly fucking MEAN under the right pressures#like what solas did for example :) but that's asshole against asshole combat and all bets are off anyway#I think he'd do borderline anything to not make it happen in close interpersonal relationships but like. to the point of his own detriment#kind of thing. who in this lighthouse can teach some of these little guys that anger can be felt and expressed in healthy ways#(probably davrin honestly he seems like a pretty safe dude to have conflict with. unflinching in his own view but fair and also kind)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rookanis#rook x lucanis#I find it really interesting how rook's expressions seem to kind of sit different on their face depending on how you make them btw!#rye has a sharp narrow little face and quite upturned corners of the mouth when neutral plus the makeup heightening the features#which I think might be what gives him that really pronounced curl of the lip that reads sort of disdainful/quite sharp#when that facial animation plays#where that expression doesn't come through as prominently on some other rooks I've seen#but they look more natural when they smile for example#fascinating to think about how that stuff plays into your impression of who your rook is!#this is the first da game where the facial animation has been good enough for that to really be a factor I feel#also wondering if that might have some part in how people have received other characters too honestly -- in previous games#almost all real emotional expressiveness has had to be delivered through dialogue and voice acting#b/c the animation really couldn't carry it off with any nuance the vast majority of the time. so people don't quite give the credence#to the details of expression of body language and face that they might have now that it's actually technically available to put in there#which is a shame b/c I've found a lot of delight in what the animation adds to the characterization in this game!#lucanis is a big example of that especially early on in the romance I feel but it pops up all over the place honestly!#anyway. all this to say. I love my rook very much I'm not sure I've ever been this badly oc blorbo brained before in my life lol#(hawke doesn't count b/c hawke almost feels too set to be an oc entirely. and we love them for that that's not in any way a criticism)
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fox-mulder-gets-pegged · 2 years ago
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Rewatched the episode of House MD where Kutner dies and I honestly think instead of killing his character off, they should have said that Kutner got a job as physician to then President Barack Obama and that's why he was leaving. Objectively funnier since his actor did leave the show to work for Obama and I know it would have driven House nuts that Kutner was ditching to go play doctor with the President instead of getting verbally abused for House's amusement.
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mad-hunts · 9 months ago
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#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#YOUR NEED GREW TEETH: character study.#character introspection.#ahh... something about this is so accurate NGL like sadly barton will always have this-#immense anger in him i feel like no matter what he does to try to contain it / surpress it and this is-#because it has literally become a part of who he is as a person. ans by that i mean he ALWAYS has a sense-#of rage stirring within him that is just waiting to be unleashed and that is both kind of disheartening as well as scary#including for him. but barton is also used to it so it's like... he's grown a bit desensitized to it at the same time#even though that's arguably pretty sad to think about. barton is just not good at processing his emotions in healthy-#ways so his sadness is commonly turned into anger and the rare occasions where he does feel guilt / shame?#they also come off as anger because it is a much easier emotion for barton to process than sadness#so yeahhh. man's has definitely got some issues that he needs to work out regarding how you don't need to be-#afraid of getting sad especially if you have a good support system to help you through it... but he just JSJSJ refuses to-#show those kinds of feelings around people for a prolonged amount of time bc he doesn't trust that people won't use it-#to try to 'take advantage of him' so to speak since barton himself has cheered people up for that sole purpose before. thus it's all like-#one big vicious cycle y'know bc he fears the very thing that he practices.
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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago
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DID YOU MISS THE EXAM... Either way I can believe in that superstition for a sec I'm so sorry 😭😭😭
NONO I TOOK IT. BARELY. I BARELY TOOK IT. I JUST THOUGHT CLASS WAS GOING TO BE NORMAL BUT NOPE <3<3<3
#snap chats#ngl cried a lil in classs... mightve scribbled a bit on the page.. which has happened before when taking spanish tests LMAO#the rage and anger i felt... oh to punch a wall like i literally just wanted to leave and scream#and i havent felt that kind of anger in a hot minute it was so ugly LMAOOOO so stupid nothing even majorly bad happened#it just the build up ig.... anyways...#I THOUGHT IT WAS WEDNESDAY CAUS EI HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT TOMORROW#AND ASSIGNMENTS ARE USUALLY DUE THE DAY BEFORE THE EXAM BUT. OK. FUCK ME IG#when i finally stopped being a big ol baby i focused on the questions and they weren't actually too hard so im p sure i did fine#it was just... The Emotional Damage of walking in thinking it was gonna be a chill day after Everythin and its like :) No Exams Today :)#the funnier bit is that i literally asked my professor and then she forgot to give me the exam so i had to ask her for it 🧍‍♂️#right after asking about the exam 🧍‍♂️like i know im unremarkable but you JUST spoke to me....#my reputation of being the most invisible man continues..... an ironic title to have but ill take it....#call my ass kellam the way i have to remind people im here <3 fe homies will know what that means and they'll know im right </3#anyway to end the horrible night. Hopefully. i was gonna get milk from the milk dispenser Because We Have Those#and the milk i usually get was empty so i got the second one and the spout was tilted weirdly so the milk just went backwards#so that was fun. to get. and then a guy tried getting chocolate milk after me and Something happened cause he just yelled the f slur LOL#what a day... it's no one's day today apparently.....#anyway Lesson Learned don't fuck with three's. i don't like the number three it always gives me bad vibes...#did i disclose my Unhealthy relationship with numbres.. i prob did lol.. ima wrap this post up now...
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reiderwriter · 2 months ago
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☎️ Don't Call Me ☎️
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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader
Summary: After catching your boyfriend cheating, you find accidental comfort in your coworker. With your phone ringing nonstop, you're willing to do whatever it takes to start fresh.
Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, bug mentions (cockroaches), cheating, exhibitionism, dom/sub dynamics, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), squirting, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, slight spanking, mentions of masturbation. Dom! Spencer.
A/N: Haha... hi guys... been a while 😚 Please enjoy the fic I dreamed up over a month ago now, and was finally able to conjure up!
Masterlist
If you were to be asked how you assumed a five-year-long relationship would end, you'd likely say something like irreparable differences. Maybe a difference in lifestyle, growing out of love, or even different plans for the future. Unfortunately, the irreparable difference your boyfriend had chosen at 10 pm on a Thursday evening was being balls deep in an irreparably different woman. 
You supposed you should've seen the signs the relationship was drawing to a close and likely you did, but with your job itself being a life or death situation almost daily, you really didn't have much time to worry about the fact that your boyfriend was sowing his oats in other fields. Based on the look of the woman spread across your bed, the oats weren't that great for her either. 
Your reaction had been somewhat delayed, but curiously not as much as hers. She'd been wonderfully blasé about the man writhing on top of her before you started screaming and throwing things, and even now you were armed with a vase of flowers (dead - you'd bought them yourself before the case you'd been on for the last two weeks) she still looked slightly bored. But at least her legs were together now, and not gynaecologist level apart. 
Your boyfriend - ex-boyfriend? - managed to regain an ounce of dignity with a scrap of clothing, and did his best to shepard you out of the crime scene as you regained the ability to hold coherent thoughts that weren't about strangling him with his own tie. 
“Listen to me, please just for five minutes-” 
“Listen? I was just listening! To you moaning into that woman's shoulders with your eyes rolled back in your head!” 
It was as if in the last few minutes all the love you'd had for this man, all five years of relationship and comfort, and nights spent together had melted away in an instant. The rage dissipated, and you were surprisingly calm again, though that worried you, too. Surely you should be crying, or at the very least upset. You should be feeling some kind of emotion that wasn't a vague disgust at the man in front of you in full pooh bear mode, trying to tug down the hem of his shirt to cover the crown jewels. 
“It didn't mean anything. She doesn't mean anything. She's just - You're gone so long on cases, and I just-” 
“So you're saying it's my fault you're cheating on me?” 
“Yes! No, wait, no, no, no, no-” 
“No, heard loud and clear, I'll try not to save lives in the future, I'm sure the BAU will understand I should be on my back 24 hours a day instead, taking all four inches you have to donate to my worthy cause.” 
“Y/N, don't be like that,” he said, exasperated. Whatever he had to be exasperated about, you had no idea. Maybe blue balls. 
“Like what?”
“Like a bitch!” 
The room went still with silence as you let him sit with the words he'd just spoken, willing him to snap back quickly so you could keep even just a shred of respect for him. 
No such apology came. 
“I'm leaving now. I expect your things packed and out of here by 12 pm tomorrow, including your thing in the bedroom. Don't bother cleaning the sheets. Just burn them. Lock the door and post the keys through the letterbox when you're done.” 
“Y/N, I told you it's not like that, I still love you, come on-” 
“Well I don't love you. And please go put some fucking pants on.” 
You stepped back over the threshold of your apartment - the lovely, nice apartment you'd been living in for the last eight years, your nice safe space - and you shuddered. 
The question wasn't exactly what next, but more like where next. What next was sending a group text in your ex-boyfriends family chat telling them what you'd walked in on, and then leaving the chat before you could get any response. The where would be a harder sell. 
From this part of the city, it'd take 2 hours to get to Penelope’s apartment, especially at this time of night without a car. Emily's apartment was similarly far. Going through a list of your coworkers again, you mentally crossed off Tara, who'd been injured on your last case and was resting at her girlfriend's apartment, Luke, who despite the promised comfort of a cute dog, you were absolutely sure didn't have a spare bed, and all members of the team with spouses and/or children. Which left just Spencer and Rossi. 
Needless to say, you found your way to Spencer's apartment in only 20 minutes, though you were sure you had disassociated the entire thing. 
Knocking on the door, you felt a little bit awkward, but not awkward enough to leave and find a hotel at nearly 11 pm. Your last case hadn't been a pleasant one, hotel-wise, and you weren't exactly eager for another check-in.
Spencer opened the door quickly, his eyebrows knitted in confusion as he found you there  but only for a brief flash before his face brightened up. 
“Y/N? Do we have a case again? I thought Hotch said-” 
“Can I stay here tonight?” you blurted, needing to get the words out as quickly as possible before you convinced yourself to walk away. 
Spencer took a moment to take in your words, and you took the opportunity to look at him then. He was fully clothed at least, and you were glad to find that his pajamas looked comfortable and clean. A simple plaid cotton pant with a soft-looking white long sleeved shirt pushed up his arms slightly. He'd taken out his contacts and put on his glasses, and you wondered if you'd caught him mid-book. 
“Please?” you added in a hopeful voice as he still looked at you slightly confused. 
“Oh, of course,” he said, stepping aside and gesturing inside. “Is there something wrong with your apartment?” he asked, taking your go-bag from you without question and guiding you into the main living space of his apartment. 
“Thank you, yeah. Something like that. Shoes off or on?” 
“I have some slippers. You can take them off. What happened?” he said, placing the slippers in front of you and turning back to bolt the door. 
“Invasive species?” You said, trying to sound as nonplussed as possible  despite now feeling incredibly plussed.
“Oh, bugs? Yeah, I've had a cockroach or two in the apartment before. Did you know that the average female cockroach can produce up to 10,000 offspring in a single year?” 
You sat on his couch quietly, trying not to imagine 10,000 cockroaches and failing nearly spectacularly. Unfortunately, the only image that could surpass tiny cockroach babies was of your boyfriend pounding away at another woman. Which was just a brilliant move for your psyche. 
“Spencer, I know I've really intruded here tonight, but do…. Do you wanna drink with me?” You asked, hoping to drown at least a memory or two of the last 24 hours. Hopefully, the cheating one, but you'd take cockroach extermination as well.
A slightly worried look settled on Spencer's face, but he said nothing and nodded, walking to his kitchen, grabbing two beers and meeting you back on his loveseat. 
“Oh you really have beer here!” You exclaimed, thanking him for the beverage before cracking it open and taking a sip. 
“Morgan came over with some to celebrate 6 months out of prison. These are leftovers.” 
“Right… right…” 
The first few sips were so painfully awkward that you thought about returning back to your apartment and just sleeping on your own couch. 
Vaguely, you felt Spencer watching you, taking a sip of his drink for every sip you took of yours. 
“So…” you said, and he raised an inquisitive eyebrow again, already questioning whatever was about to come out of your mouth. 
“So?”  he asked. You weren't sure if it was the beer, the look on his face, or the crazy implosion of the last 5 years that had you giggling all of a sudden. You were just glad that when you cracked up, he cracked a smile as well, and a little bit of the tension went away. 
“Why are you really here, YN?” 
You took a deep breath and looked straight forward at the bookshelves Spencer had lovingly filled. Maybe this had taken him half a decade as well, so he'd understand how your life felt a little bit like a wobbly bookshelf at that second. 
“The invasive species I mentioned? It was the woman screwing my boyfriend in my bed. Ex. Ex-boyfriend.” 
You heard the intake of breath from Spencer before he put his can down and started thinking of something to say in reply to that. 
“Oh.” 
“Yeah.” 
“Oh… Y/N, I-” 
A shrill ringing cut him off, and you were almost glad to not be on the receiving end of whatever pitiful words he was about to push on you, until you checked the caller ID and saw your ex's name. 
“Don't pick that up,” Spencer said as you hesitated towards the phone. With a hand over yours, he flipped the phone over, locking eyes with you as he let it ring out. 
“He's just going to try it again.”
“Let him.” 
You nodded, breaking eye contact and sinking back into Spencer's slightly wilted couch cushions. 
“In your bed? Really?” he asked, talking another sup as you took a gulp, letting the beer fizz down your throat before you could answer.
“I told him to expect me tomorrow because of how the case was looking. I guess he wasn't expecting me.” 
“I think that was a given. Unless he was into that. Exhibitionism is one of the most common kinks among adult males, and-” 
“Oh he was not into exposing himself,” you laughed into your drink, propping your head up on your hand and turning to face Spencer more. He shot another questioning glance but didn't push the issue, so you silently explained as well. By pinching your fingers together to the approximate size of your ex-boyfriend's dick. 
“Oh. Well, it's not the size that counts?” He whispered almost ironically as he took another sip, now much closer than before. You'd done your best to distance yourself from your boyfriend even as he'd followed you through your apartment half naked, but you didn't seem to find Spencer's proximity threatening at all. 
Maybe because he wasn't having sex with a random woman in your bed 5 seconds before. 
“You wanna know the worst part?” You said, leaning closer as if to tell him an even bigger secret. “He didn't even know how to use it. I haven't-” 
Another phone call blasted through, and you grabbed your phone and put it behind you. 
“He's really great at interrupting conversation when it’s just getting good,” Spencer laughed, but you were slightly disappointed that he'd leaned back away now. 
“What was it you were saying?” He asked, taking a swig of beer again, can nearing its close. 
“I haven't had an orgasm in almost three years,” you said bluntly, watching the most genuine spit take you’d seen in your life. You pat Spencer's back as he coughed up inhaled beer, bringing your feet up under you into a cosier position. 
“Okay now?” you asked as his breathing returned to normal. 
“No? Three years, Y/N? Really?” 
You shrugged and looked away  almost embarrassed to be meeting his eyes now that your sexual history was the topic of the night. 
“We had sex. He's just… he's just a really lazy lover. It'd be the same stuff every time. Handjob to some clumsy fingers missing my clit, a few pumps and cum on my face. I wasn't exactly initiating seven days a week in the hopes that this time he'd be able to locate it.” 
Spencer was somewhere between horror and trying not to laugh, eyes wide with either alarm or the strain of having to keep it in. 
“It's okay, you can laugh,” you said, but he shook his head politely.
“Y/N, I was in prison and still had more orgasms than you this year.” 
“Hey, I hear prison is a great place to meet new people. Have new experiences.”
Spencer shot you a quickly horrified look as his cheeks flushed with heat. “Y/N, I was not someone's bitch in prison.” 
“Why not? You're pretty enough for it?” 
You'd meant the line to come across as teasing, just as you'd expected the finger now twisted in a lock of his hair, playing with him, to come off as teasing as well. 
But you felt a definite throb between your legs when he looked at you again, doubly so when his eyes darted down to your lips. 
You cleared your throat and tried for a teasing tone once again. 
“So you made someone else your bitch?” you smiled, trying to drag his eyes away from your lips before you did something you'd regret. 
“No. I… I spent a long time in solitary, and there's… there's really not that much to do.” 
“So you did yourself?” 
The tips of his ears were scarlet when you finally decided to back off, tucking the curl of hair behind his ear and letting him cool off. 
“Why didn't you masturbate then?” he asked, pouting slightly still from your interrogation. 
“Excuse me?”
“Your boyfriend couldn't make you cum, but a vibrator probably could. But you still haven't had an orgasm in three years. Why is that?” 
It was your turn to feel the heat, the warmth from the beer finally reaching your head. 
“He didn't want me to.” 
You didn't mean for the words to sound as sad as they did. The fact itself was just incredibly sad. Your boyfriend saw anything vaguely phallic shaped as competition and had encouraged “organic” coupling instead. 
You waited for Spencer to say something else, anything else as you held his gaze, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and him to start talking down to you as if you were simply a victim of the worst sex in the world. 
Instead, he said “so did that other woman look as miserable as you've been for the last three years?” and the spell was broken. 
You laughed so hard, you nearly choked on the beer you'd already finished. This time, it was Spencer's turn to land a hand on your back as you winded yourself with laughter. 
“She looked bored! She looked genuinely bored. I almost thought it was just a lifelike doll, she was that unphased,” you kept giggling between gasps, forcing the words out as you threw your head onto Spencer's shoulder, hand landing on his thigh as you finally calmed down. 
“I'd be horrified if anyone looked bored while in bed with me,” came Spencer's voice, and a little shiver ran down your spine as the rasp of his whisper rang in your ear. 
You looked up from his shoulder and caught his eye immediately. If you wanted to, you could lean up by a centimetre and catch his lips with yours. And you suddenly, very much wanted to do that. 
A final shriek of your phone behind you deterred you for a few seconds, and you were about to work yourself up to scooting a little bit away from Spencer when he leaned over you, grabbed the phone, and hung up on your boyfriend. 
“Do you want to cum, Y/N?” he asked, as quietly as before as his hands traced over you on their return journey to him. He looked down your body, eyes greedily drinking in your breasts, hips, thighs and legs tucked into his side on his couch. 
You didn't know what you were going to respond when your head practically nodded by itself. Enthusiastically. 
He doesn't immediately pull you in for a kiss, and you're worried for a beat that he meant that only as a hypothetical and not an invite. A final cry from your phone has you standing in seconds, completely detached from Spencer, and the nearly embarrassing moment you pouncing him would've been.
“I should probably take it this time,” you explained, turning slightly. 
But Spencer was faster than you, if not more prepared for what was to come. Wrapping an arm around your waist, Spencer tugged you back, pulling you onto his lap. When you were firmly situated - ass over his now evidently firm cock - he grabbed the phone out of your other hand, hung up and put it in his pocket. 
“Spencer, I-I don't think that's a good idea,” you gasped as his hands slowly progressed up to your chest, and his lips dropped to your neck, biting and sucking along whatever flesh was easy for him to access. 
“You need to cum. You deserve to cum, Y/N. I'm just here to help. Use me.” 
You stifle a sharp, quick moan, biting your lips and thanking God that he couldn't see the face you made when his hips ground his cock up into your ass. 
“I'm probably not ready for this,” you stuttered slightly, breath departing your body quicker than it could arrive. 
“Probably not.”
“We work together, too. It would be awkward.”
“It might,” he nodded. “But you still want to.” 
You couldn't help the moan, finally letting it free as you tossed your head back and clawed at his forearm, wrapped around you. 
Your ass had a mind of its own, grinding back into him in circles as his hands found their way under your shirt, inquisitive fingers stroking your nipples through your bra. 
“S-Spencer,” you whimpered again, legs spreading apart as you felt that familiar warmth settle between them. He didn't miss the longing in your tone, the shift in your core, pushing one hand down your stomach and trailing it onto your thigh. 
It was as close as he could get with your pants still on, tight against your skin. He squeezed your thigh,  still licking and sucking at your neck before his hand rose to the clasp of your pants. 
It took him a long lime to fumble with them, and you thought of helping multiple times but you let yourself get distracted by the tense definition of his muscles, the rigid line of his body as he strained to please you. 
Your mind fogged with lust, and you felt the vibrations from his pocket right under you when your phone rang again. You practically jerked up in shock as pleasure hit you in a wave, Spencer's fingers finally dipping into your panties just as the vibrations hit you. They weren't centred, of course, not anywhere close to where you needed them to be for you to enjoy them the way you would a toy, but that's what Spencer was for. 
He let the call ring out, tracing small, slow circles over your clit as you jumped up into his hand, moaning and whimpering the entire time. 
“What an idiot. I bet he never touched you like this. Nice and slow.”
“N-no, S-s-” 
“I'm so glad I'm right. He didn't deserve this beautiful cunt. You're so wet for me, right, baby?” You nodded and he hummed in response, voice low and making you pulse in his lap. 
“That's it, good girl,” he whispered as you worked your cunt up and down his fingers, stilling himself so you could find your own pleasure. 
“Spencer… Spencer, fuck-” 
With his free hand, he turned your face to the side and finally kissed you properly as you moaned into his mouth. He was quick to deepen the kiss, to press his tongue against the seam of your mouth and enter your mouth, quickly dominating you as you let yourself get more and more excited. Your hips stuttered, out of rhythm and out of practice, and you almost whimpered in frustration that you couldn't get off quicker, that your body wasn't finding the orgasm quick enough despite how good, how perfect this felt.
Sensing your growing frustration, Spencer broke the kiss. 
“Come with me,” he said, pulling his hands away from your wet cunt and out of your stupid pants and encouraging your hips up until you were stood and he was stood behind you. 
Cock still firmly stood against your ass, he walked you all the way to his bedroom, hands on your hips the entire time, memorising the sway of your walk. 
“Strip and get on the bed, please, Y/N,” he said, finally peeling himself away from you as you nodded quickly and listened to him immediately. You weren't sure what to expect, so you hesitated, laying down, crawling up until your head hit the pillows. You were almost disappointed when you finally looked back at Spencer and he was still fully clothed, so sure that he was going to fuck you to your climax. 
Instead, he approached the bed, gently slid his arms around your thighs, opened your legs wider, knelt on the floor and brought your cunt to his face. 
The first touch of his to guess to your clit had you almost beside yourself with lust. You'd been sexually active for a handful of years, and this - THIS - was the first time you'd experienced such acute pleasure. 
Your hips were unable to stop, thrusting up into his face as you willed his tongue to engulf you, to be a tool in your pleasure. 
Again your phone rang, but he grabbed it quickly, pausing only a second to silence it and discard it on the bed beside you, sitting it further up the bed where it would no longer be a distraction to him. 
He dove right back in, and you rewarded him with wave after wave of fierce moan, your writhing body only restricted by a hand snaked up onto his stomach. You still pushed against his face, practically fucking it as he flattened out his to guess and let you chase your high. 
“Spencer!” You gasped and moaned, voice dripping with lust and desperation, mouth not even properly forming words now you were so close. 
You propped yourself up slightly, looking down as Spencer's eye caught your own, his chin slick with your juices, his eyes dripping with lust. You grabbed a handful of his hair and jumped that little bit faster as you felt that long forgotten whisper of pleasure, that all-encompassing explosion of satisfaction, and you came apart on Spencer's tongue. 
“Thank you, thank you, Spencer, shit, thank you,” you whimpered, falling back again into the bed as you rode out the high. When you managed to open your bleary eyes again, Spencer was propped up above you, but instead of paying you attention, he'd grabbed your phone and bought it to his ear. 
“You heard that? Good. I'm sure you're aware now that she won't be returning your calls tonight. Goodbye.” 
His voice, his words, were like a cold bucket of water to your brain as you sat up, reaching for him and finding him as his hips circled your waist. 
“Was that-?” He cut you off with a kiss  a sweet, soft one. 
“Yes.” He kissed you again  and you melted into his touch as he pulled you into his lap again. 
“H-He-” 
“He knows now what a real orgasm sounds like. He knows you're not interested anymore. He knows you're mine now.” 
You shivered at the words, your lust addled brain flooding your senses, and your cunt as you reacted to the possessiveness of his words, his tone. Part of you was turned on by the exhibitionism as well. You'd had to walk in on your ex boyfriend completely exposed, and there was satisfaction in kicking him to the curb with a similar fuck you. A fuck you that you'd enjoyed a lot. 
You pressed your lips against Spencer's and rocked your hips against him again, tasting yourself on his tongue as he laid you down once more. His cock twitched against your leg as he propped you up on the pillows, and your hands trailed down to show it some attention as your sighed into his kiss.
He eagerly shed his clothes, first his top, sitting up and pulling it over his head, giving you a deliriously enticing shot of his chest and soft stomach before dropping down to cover your body again. You let your hand find the sprinkling of hair on his lower stomach, though, following it down as you encouraged his pants off. His cock was thick and heavy in your hand, and you gladly stroked it as he kissed the plains of your body again. He found the side of your neck that he'd neglected earlier, licking and sucking until it was almost as loved as the first side, before pulling your hand away from his cock. 
You pouted and began to protest when he quickly lined his cock up with your cunt, and slid in deep and soft before you could. 
“Needed to be in you,” he whispered in your ear, gripping your hips and sliding your legs up and around him as he pushed that little bit deeper. “Keep them nice and wide for me,” he said, dropping one last kiss to your lips, before his chest rose, and his hips pulled away again. 
When they snapped back into you, you let out a generous scream of pleasure that almost had you wishing you'd never hung up. He set a quick pace, a furious pace as he too moaned into the contact of your cunt and his cock, two desperate people searching for release. 
“So tight, Y/N, you're so tight,” he moaned, flesh hitting flesh as you dug your nails into his arms, already so wet again, you could feel the sheets under you growing damp. His hand left its perch on your hip and found its way to your clit once again, and you knew that you weren't going to be able to keep to this pace without cumming a second time. 
“Keep moaning for me baby, show me how much you want it,” his voice begged, almost a rumble with how lustful he sounded. You let your voice carry, each moan a little bit more unrestricted than the last. 
“Louder, Y/N, please. I want to hear how much you're enjoying this, you don't know how much I enjoy hearing your pleasure.”
His prayers were answered when he lowered his head back down and took one of your nipples into his mouth, gently grazing it with his teeth between licks and sucks. You practically screamed his name, pressing your chest up to grant him better access. 
You liquefied beneath him, pressure building and building until you felt him rock, lifting his chest as you came. He pulled his cock out, teasing it through your folds as you stuttered around him, your arousal squirting across his cock and sheets as you fell back to the bed, gasping in pleasure. Your hips stuttered against him, and he soothed you gently, still working his cock through your folds gently as your clit went from overwhelmed to calm to quickly overstimulated. 
“Spencer,” you whimpered, almost unable to take all the pleasure he was offering you. “Spencer, it-it hurts.” 
“Don't you want me to stop?” He asked, stopping his movements for a second as you deliberated your answer. The lack of movement was answer alone, and you shook your head no wanting to feel his cock against you, inside you, one more time. 
“Louder, Y/N, tell me what you want.” 
“I want to keep going,” you said, as he began slowly rocking his cock against you again, sticky from your cum. 
“What do you want me to do?” He asked, teasing a nipple with his hand as your eyes fluttered shut. 
“Please fill me up again, please I want to cum again.” 
“One more time?” He asked.
“Mhmmm… one more… one more, please.” 
You were cum drunk, so horny that you couldn't fathom stopping there. He pressed another kiss to your lips and encouraged you to flip over, propping a pillow under your stomach as he pulled your legs into the right position. 
You snuggled into the pillows at your head, pushing your ass up for him slightly as he nudged his cock against your entrance once more. 
“Where should I cum  Y/N?” He asked, reaching under you to slowly circle your clit again. 
“H-hmmm…” you said, eyes shut, focused more on the pleasure than the question. You didn't care anymore. You didn't care where he came, just as long as he let you do it, too. 
“Y/N, I expect an answer. Where should I put my cum?” 
“Anywhere,” you pouted, pressing your hips back into his cock in the hopes that he'd just fuck you again already. 
“That's not an answer,” he said, gently slapping your ass as he pulled his cock away. 
“On your back?” He asked, fingers still working your clit underneath, but trailing lower until they found your cunt, two entering you to keep you wet and stretched for him. 
“You'd need to shower before you could pass out, but I'm happy to help clean you off. They have communal showers in prison, so I'm not shy.” You moaned at the suggestion but couldn't answer further. 
“On your stomach? Again we'd have to shower off, but I would love to see your boobs decorated all nicely.” Your moans were whimpers now as he edged you with his fingers, his words gentle in your ear but dripping with so much lust and promise you couldn't stand it. You didn't want to make decisions anymore. 
“On your face?”
“Not on my face,” you snapped quickly, and he nodded and stroked your hair, hooking a strand behind your ear as he agreed. 
“Okay. Where, Y/N? Be a good girl and tell me.”
“I-Inside. Cum inside me. Please.” 
“Of course. Good job.”
He pulled his hand free gently, and quickly replaced it with his thick cock, and you moaned again at the weight of it against your walls, the familiar stretch of it. In this position, he reached deeper somehow, his thrusts slower, more precise as he drew out his own orgasm as long as possible, maximising his ability to pleasure you. 
“Good girl,” he muttered against your skin, dropping a kiss to your back. “Good girl.” 
“Wanted to do this for so long, Y/N,” he confessed with each thrust. “Look at how pretty this pussy is, how wet it is for me. I wish your boyfriend could see it. I wish he could see how well-behaved you are for me. How nicely you take my cock.” 
His deep, slow strokes, his words, the kisses he pressed against any inch of your skin he could reach combined to push you over the edge a third and final time. This one wasn't loud. It wasn't dramatic. It was a steady shudder of pleasure from your hips and a quiet, satisfied sigh. 
You didn't say anything  but Spencer knew, he felt it, and he came moments after, cock deep inside as he filled you with his cum. 
“You're on birth control, right?” 
“IUD. Pill. Yeah.” You say between breathy sighs of contentment.
Muttering something behind you, he pulled out finally, leaving for a minute to grab a washcloth and clean himself off before returning to help you as well. 
“What did you mumble?” You asked, as he crawled back into your arms, looking up at him. 
“What?” He asked, ears turning slightly pink as you stared at him intently. 
“Just now. I told you I was on birth control, and you mumbled something.” 
He looked away, refusing to meet your gaze before dropping to kiss you sweetly once again. 
“Tell me,” you said, and he kissed you again. 
“Spencer, tell me,” you pouted, and he kissed the pout away. 
You almost asked again, but he kissed you too quickly, too deeply  and you lost your breath again. 
“I said,” he started, leaving you panting under him again. “It was good you're on birth control, because I like the sight of my cum dripping out of you.” 
The remaining breath left your body as you gasped, your face growing hot. You burrowed your face in his chest and let him hold you as you drifted into sleep, wrapped up in each other. 
3K notes · View notes
mxdotpng · 1 year ago
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wondering what would have happened if asch had actually confronted his parents when luke was first created like he intended to. wondering what would have happened then.
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ihangelic · 1 month ago
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PAS DE PUNK ╱ h.taesan
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you and taesan go together like classical music and rock: not at all. but similar to the way taesan keeps getting piercings, there’s something about the way he gets under your skin that you kind of like— and you’re too proud to admit why you keep coming back for more.
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pair ; punk!taesan x ballerina!reader
genre ; smut (with plot), fluff?, rock band au, enemies to lovers
warnings ; fem!reader, taesan has piercings (including tongue), arguing (flirting), some jealousy, ‘make me shut up’ kiss, confessing of feelings, petnames (mostly princess), lots of mentions of taesan’s hands & rings, dom!taesan, bratty/sub!reader, thigh riding, praise, degr*dation, bre*st play, begging, a little sp*nking, no prep, piv
wc ; 8k
playlist ; smells like teen spirit by nirvana / sugar we’re goin down by fall out boy / a little death by the neighbourhood / punk rock princess by something corporate / she’s kinda hot by 5sos / good girl by thomas larosa / s*xtape by deftones / closer by nine inch nails / all i really want is you by the marías
✉️ 𓂃 ₊˚⊹ note ; happy new year!! idk if it’s unhinged to make a playlist for a smut fic but i couldn’t help myself ><. i avoided using lesser-known ballet terms for non-dancers to understand (aka me), but also tried to make it enjoyable for dancers to read. hopefully i was successful lol.
! . . . COPYRIGHT OF IHANGELIC
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dancing along with the music of l’oiseau bleu is practically impossible when it sounds like a rock concert is taking place in the room just across from you.
lowering to stand flat footed in your pointe shoes, you raise your hands to your face, pinching your nose bridge in frustration as you try and resist the growing urge to pull your hair out.
the obnoxious sound of drums, a bass’s low rumble, and an electric guitar’s higher tune rings in your ears— drowning out any of your more rational thoughts until you’re left with only rage.
you try your best to block it out, to take a moment to breathe and try to get a controlled hold over your emotions— and you think it may work after you cover your ears with your own hands, the sound of the instruments still audible but sounding more distant. then the teeth gritting noise of a cymbal pierces through the barrier of your hands and it’s almost like it’s a sound effect for the way your train of thought shatters, letting out a sigh that sounds much more like an animalistic scream before stomping over to your phone and turning off the music.
power walking out of the dance studio and to the very unfortunately placed neighboring rental space, you don’t even have to turn the knob as you look through the glass door. the raging bitch face you wear is absolutely effortless as you mean-mug all three ‘problems’ in the room; ‘problems’ that drip in leather, distressed or patched fabric, spikes, and way too oversized jeans. you’re about to feel acquainted with the three men as this situation seems to occur more and more often.
foam panels are stuck to the walls; black cords are neatly coiled or in squiggly lines across the floor; and of course there’s guitars, a drum set, and microphones everywhere.
finally you catch the eyes of the long, blond haired drummer— and that gives you enough incentive to open the door and barge in like you own the place.
“could you be any louder?” you rhetorically ask, but it goes unheard as two of the men sing passionately into their microphones, eyes closed and hands working the strings of their guitars while the drummer keeps playing his drums— all while staring at you with a relaxed, barely inquisitive face.
“could you be any louder!” you shout, the end of the sentence awkwardly fading in volume when there's a screech from one of the guitars and everything goes quiet.
the two seeming vocalists turn their heads to look at you, all three men now staring while you stand, clearly bothered as your hands are on both sides of your hips and your chest heaves with deep breaths of frustration.
“well…” the dark haired, taller one begins— and your expression only sours more as you’re already familiar with how snarky and full of himself he can be. “you’re the one yelling.”
you let out an appalled scoff, unable to help the way your eyes roll as you’re angered even more by how that only seems to make the man smirk.
“if someone has to yell just for you to hear them that means you’re the loud one.”
“you sure about that, princess?” he asks, quirking a pierced brow. your impending explosive response must be visible as the shorter statured one interrupts for damage control.
“w— we’re sorry!” he starts, speaking on his friends behalves. the blond’s expression never changes as he stares at your fuming face, while the darker haired looks like he’s about to protest— but the other continues before he has the chance. “look..we got off on the wrong foot and…”
the way his hands float in front of him, bass hanging against his chest by the strap— it only adds to how lost he looks on what to do, and it makes you feel kind of bad. (for him at least.)
you’re about to start apologizing when he’s suddenly reaching his hand out towards you.
“i’m riwoo.” he introduces, then gestures over to the other two men. “this is taesan and leehan.”
“…y/n” you say somewhat sheepishly, a bit of your shame coming back at the politeness of the bassist you now know as riwoo.
previously you’d only knock aggressively at their door to ask them to shut up, a few times popping your head in when that didn’t work to snappily ask them to please try and keep it down at least a little. you’ve never actually had a full conversation with them before— or an argument...whatever this exchange of words could be classified as.
“unfortunately we can’t really be any quieter. we have to practice for a gig we got coming up—“
“isn’t your little dance school supposed to be closed now anyway?” taesan abruptly interrupts, yet again grinding your gears with the snarky way he says the words ‘dance school’.
“it’s closed for classes, but the rooms can be used for practice up until eleven pm.” you provide smartly, catching yourself before you scrunch your nose in disgust at him.
“we try to keep the noise at a minimum if we’re here at prime hours,” riwoo cuts in again, attempting to explain gently. “but past that…” he trails off, shoulders shrugging as he gives you a sympathetic look.
you process his words, how he really is seemingly trying to help you out here, before sighing softly as your hand raises to press into your increasingly aching temple.
“do you have to use your amps?” you ask, raising a hand to point at one.
“did you not hear him? we have a show to do, we need to practice as best as we can. so yes, we have to use our amps.” taesan firmly states, over enunciating like you can’t hear. his brows are slightly furrowed as his previous amusement is completely gone, a flame of annoyance now in his eyes.
you let your hand defeatedly fall and slap against your bare thigh, taesan’s eyes glancing down at your leg for the smallest of moments before looking back up to glare at you.
“who the fuck do you think you are?” you bite at him, sick of his selfish attitude as you turn your body fully in his direction, crossing your arms.
“wxnder.” he dryly states, making your head tilt in confusion and absolute impatience.
“huh?”
“wonder— but like, with an ‘x’. that’s our band name.” leehan provides, throwing you off as you’re momentarily sidetracked by how deep and smooth his voice is. (are all these men vocalists? also, with an ‘x’— how cheesy can they be?)
“you should come watch us perform.” he smiles widely, eyes creasing and everything. you’re yet again thrown off as he speaks to you with such casual friendliness as though you haven’t practically yelled at all of them and continue to seethe at his guitarist like you want to rip his throat out.
“uh, i…”
“i’m sure miss priss has other things she’d rather do, like dance to swan lake in a feather tutu or something.” taesan finishes your sentence for you, conjuring a string of curses to lace your tongue.
“shut the f—“
“bye, twinkle toes.” he waves you off dismissively, grabbing the neck of his guitar by his multiple ringed fingers as he directs his attention back to his instrument and mic.
“it was nice meeting you, y/n.” riwoo adds somewhat shyly, adjusting the strap of his instrument as well— though much more apologetically.
“see ya’, y/n!” leehan calls before picking up his drumsticks and twirling them in his hands, looking up to taesan for his cue. you watch him cock his chin, the sudden rhythmic pounding of leehan’s drums making you flinch before taesan and riwoo start playing their strings again.
riwoo’s voice starts out soft before slowly raising in volume and you’re shocked by his melodic vocals that contrast so satisfyingly well with the rock instrumentals.
still disgruntled but more off put than anything, you don’t know what more to do than shuffle out of the room, shutting the door behind you as you stare at the air in front of you.
well, guess it’s time to find some earbuds that are sound and pirouette proof.
ㅤㅤ──────────────────────
you got it. you got the lead role.
all the extra (maybe slightly excessive) practicing, late nights and frustration (which would be a lot less if there wasn’t a band next door) paid off.
you’re playing as princess aurora for your dance studio’s performance of ‘the sleeping beauty’, which will be showing at a local theatre next month.
jaehyun, your good friend and fellow dancer who’s always making you smile and lightening sullen moments during classes— is your dance partner, playing as prince désiré.
the second the both of you found out you got lead roles, jaehyun was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement, insisting that you go out tonight to celebrate.
which is why you find yourself by jaehyun’s side at ‘sundown lounge’, your favorite bar and hang out spot.
“you look good, by the way!” jaehyun attempts to speak over the loud karaoke, leaning a little closer to your ear as you weave through the crowd.
“thanks!” you turn your head to smile at him over your shoulder, hoping your iridescent eyeshadow twinkles under the lights how you wanted it to.
“you do too.” you compliment before someone’s elbow is jabbed into your stomach, squishing yourself against the wall as you and jaehyun try to make it to the bar to order some drinks. “why is it so busy tonight?”
“i don’t know, maybe it’s happy hour!” jaehyun suggests hopefully, but when you finally reach the counter his theory is proven wrong when you’re told everything’s its original price. regardless, you sip on a strawberry margarita while jaehyun holds a glass of something that looks like muddy water before deciding where to sit.
“wanna go there, near the stage?” he asks, pointing over to a table that’s very near the performance area. you’d rather not have to hear a drunk girl sloppily sing a britney spears song right in your ears but jaehyun finds it hilarious, often unable to resist curling in on himself while giggling uncontrollably— and that always makes you laugh. so you nod your head, jaehyun grabbing your hand to make sure he doesn’t lose you in the crowd before leading you to the table.
there’s only two more songs played before the dj hops on the stage, speaking into the mic. “karaoke will be ending as it’s time for the band of tonight to take the stage. give us a few minutes while the performers are setting up!”
some people in the crowd hoot and holler excitedly as jaehyun turns his head to you. “i wonder what type of band will be playing tonight, last weeks was pretty good.”
“it’s punk rock!” a girl excitedly butts in from the table right next to yours, having accidentally overheard your conversation.
“a rock band?” you ask, somewhat groaned in annoyance as you now have a personal vendetta against the genre. but your tone goes completely unnoticed by the girl as her eyes continue to sparkle with enthusiasm.
“yeah! their music’s really good and they’re all super hot, my favorite one plays the electric guitar.”
“what’s their name?” jaehyun asks, curiosity evidently sparked.
“wxnder!” she answers, and your brows furrow with the familiarity of it. where have you heard that name before?
the girl’s head turns at a sound and her mouth drops open, a small uproar caused as some people in the crowd shriek and cheer. the unexpected noise has you flinching before looking towards the stage— and your jaw drops too, but not in a good way.
“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me...” you say to yourself in shock, watching as riwoo sits down his amp and plugs it into the wall.
“what?…what!” jaehyun whisper-yells, grabbing onto your arm to try and get your attention.
leehan appears next, sitting down behind the drum set that’s already on stage and wagging his head to adjust his hair, causing another small wave of squeals.
then a broad back covered by a black leather jacket abstracts your view, and he doesn’t even need to turn around for you to know who he is— but he does anyway. the way taesan almost immediately catches your gaze amongst the crowd is infuriating, smirking while glancing down at how close your table is to the stage before looking teasingly into your eyes again.
and it makes you pissed, unbelievably so— yet you feel your cheeks burn as you can’t help but think about how hot he looks, the stage lights glinting off his lip ring and drawing your eyes towards them.
have his lips always been so…plump?
taesan winks at you before looking down to tune his guitar, hands gripping the neck of it. veins pop out from the contours of his knuckles; long, thick fingers adorned with silver rings picking at the strings.
fuck…
“y/n?” jaehyun tries again, and you finally respond with the shake of your head, downing the remainder of your drink like it’s a shot.
“it’s nothing.” you insist.
after a few minutes of setting up, tuning, and making sure everything’s in order; taesan introduces the group (not that he exactly needs to, since it seems the bar is full of their fans), saying that their opening song will be ‘take my tears’, a song he wrote himself.
usually you and jaehyun talk throughout a band's live performance, as they’ll be playing all night— but you can’t seem to look away as you listen to the lyrics and how they perform.
it’s entrancing— much different than when you’re trying to ignore them through the studio walls. the song is somewhat emotional, beautiful; yet it also has such a fun and freeing feel. or maybe it’s just the way they sing it— how taesan sings it, his body grooving and head nodding to the beat of their sound. the lyrics aren’t what you’d expect from him— the guy you thought he was, and it leaves you wondering what more there is to him that you wouldn’t expect.
your heart skips a beat, and you’re not sure if it’s just the thrill of the rock music or if it’s because of him; the annoying, pompous punk who suddenly looks so sexy when he’s performing. (and never any other time. definitely not.)
you’ve just finished your second margarita and are a little buzzed by the time their set is finished, the night passing faster than you realized.
jaehyun is eating on a basket of fries, yapping away so fervently that he doesn’t even notice how you’ve gotten up from the table and are approaching taesan— who again locks eyes with you as he walks down the steps of the stage to meet you halfway.
“so, what did you think?” he asks, a little out of breath from the long performance, having had no breaks in between songs.
he stands closely so you can hear him— and it’s enough for you to smell his cologne; to see the way sweat clings to the skin of his neck; deep breaths coming out in puffs as his chest expands. something about it all has an effect on you— or maybe it’s something in the air, because taesan doesn’t even try to hide the way his eyes rake over your body, admiring your legs in your denim mini skirt.
“you..you guys were amazing.” you compliment, sounding a little out of breath yourself.
taesan makes a ‘hm’ sound, faintly smiling at you while biting his lip— and you swear you see the glint of metal on his tongue.
your body heats up as you wonder if his tongue is pierced too, what kind of things he could do to you with it, what it would feel like against your skin— before you frantically try and dismiss the increasingly dirty thoughts, reminding yourself that the man you’re fantasizing about is right in front of you.
“i didn’t think you’d actually come.” taesan says, speaking in a teasing tone that you swear seems flirty paired with the slight quirk of his brow.
“how’d you even know we’d be here? did you stalk us, princess?”
okay, surely that was flirting, right?
you’re about to playfully roll your eyes, paired with a smart little comment and deny that’d you’d ever be interested enough to ‘stalk’ them— until the girl that spoke to you about wxnder earlier suddenly appears, putting herself between you and taesan.
“you were absolutely amazing, taesan.” the girl croons, confidently placing her hand on his forearm as she leans all up in his personal space.
and you expect him to shrug her off, either politely or not-so politely establish some distance between them. but again, he surprises you— in a way you absolutely hate.
he smirks at her, in just the same way he did to you just moments ago— and leans even closer to her face, unneededly close.
“aren’t you sweet. thank you so much.”
“no problem.” the girl smiles cattily, clearly enjoying the attention.
something in your heart burns, and that familiar feeling of uncontrollable annoyance comes back even worse than before.
“do you think i could get your autograph?”
“sure, princess.” taesan answers lowly— and that does it.
without even feeling the urge to look back and see that girl all over him, you’re gone, picking up a drunk jaehyun by his arm.
“wh— where are we going?” jaehyun drunkenly slurs, eyes glossed over as they look at you.
“to get an uber home.” you answer firmly, eyes hard as you once again weave through the crowd.
you feel eyes on your back, but you ignore it until you get to the door, turning your head as jaehyun leans half of his body weight against you. even amongst all the faces, you and taesan’s eyes meet easily, his arm now slung around the girl’s waist as she whispers something in his ear.
his lips are in that same smirk— like he’s taunting you, and you scoff, dragging jaehyun and yourself out of the bar.
you can’t believe you were actually feeling into him— but you surely don’t have to worry about that now.
he’s just confirmed that he is in fact what you thought he was: an absolute ass and a cocky player who sings on stage to get girls in his bed.
well, fuck him. he can get his dick wet with anyone he wants but it sure as hell won’t be you.
ㅤㅤ──────────────────────
the very next day you’re back at the dance studio, rehearsing for the upcoming performance.
jaehyun whines the whole day, saying that it’s somehow your fault that he got drunk off his ass— but despite that, he does incredibly well during class. you do also, but unbeknownst to you, your friend wonders why you seem so tense— like something has been bothering you all day.
“shouldn’t you go home and rest, y/n?” jaehyun asks you at the end of class hours. everyone else is packing up their totes and leaving, yet you’re stood at the ballet barre doing leg exercises.
“i’ll be fine. practice makes perfect.” you insist, keeping your eyes on your form in the mirrored wall.
“well..just don’t overwork yourself, okay?” jaehyun sweetly tells you, and you flash him a thankful smile through the mirror.
“don’t worry, yunie, i wont. see you tomorrow.”
if it weren’t for the absolute beast you’re known to be in the studio, jaehyun would force you out of your pointe shoes and drag you home himself— but you don’t seem even a little bit tired, and it appears as though you have some steam to blow off.
so jaehyun and you exchange goodbyes before he leaves you in the empty classroom. (yes, completely empty— aside from the lady at the front desk. no one is as obsessive as you to want to stay even another second practicing when you already have for the whole day— on a saturday night, no less.)
you spend the next thirty minutes going over the steps you learned today that you don’t have down perfectly yet, having small cool downs in the form of stretching in between.
‘entrée d’aurore’ is still playing on your phone when you hear the distant voices of what must be the front desk lady and someone else speaking. you wonder if somebody has returned to get some extra practice in as well, and as you hear footsteps approaching, you remain sitting on the floor doing toe touches.
the door to the classroom opens, echoing slightly in the big, empty space— you lift your head to see someone who definitely is not a part of the sleeping beauty cast.
“y/n?” taesan says somewhat quietly, eyes looking around the big room that only holds one ballerina, who looks small in comparison to the high ceilings and vacant space.
your eyebrows furrow, somewhat irritated to see him while also being surprised— not only by his presence but by the unfamiliar way he almost looks sheepish: barely taking a few steps inside the classroom, looking around like he expects someone or yourself to scold him and kick him out.
“…don’t tell me you auditioned.” you joke, although it’s said casually. your eyes only scrutinize him for a second before you look back down to your own hands as you stretch them across your straightened legs and to your toes.
taesan has seen you a handful of times when you’re in your casual practice wear, but what you’re clad in for an official performance class is a little different. you’re wearing a black leotard with a little mesh skirt, a cropped shirt overtop, tights, and black leg warmers.
you look..really cute. even when you’re pretending to ignore him.
“no. the lady at the front desk said you were in here.” he explains lamely, all his usual snarky remarks not coming to his thoughts as he watches you in your element.
“good. i don’t want to see you in tights anyway. not your aesthetic.”
“sure you don’t.”
your head snaps to look at him before you can think not to react, cheeks heating up as you see the twinkle in his eyes and the small smile he tries to conceal by pressing down his lips.
you sigh as though you’re bothered— because you are— obviously…and get up from your floor stretches to walk over to the ballet barre again. taesan follows you.
“i don’t know why you’re here but i’m practicing. you should leave.”
“who was that with you at the bar last night?”
your cold indifference is broken at the unexpected question, your expression clearly confused as you look at the man standing beside you in the mirrored wall.
“what, jaehyun? he’s my friend. he wanted to go out to celebrate our castings. y’know, for the performance i’m trying to practice for right now?”
“so it was a date.” taesan remarks, eyes hardening right in front of you— and there’s that angered burn in your chest again, your hands squeaking from how tightly they hold onto the barre as your expression turns sour.
“who i date isn’t any of your business to speculate. i haven’t asked you what you and that fangirl got up to last night, have i?” you snap, raising a challenging brow at him— but it only makes him shake his head in unbelief, staring at you like you’re an absolute idiot.
“what? y/n, i don’t even know her name.”
“yes, well, i’m not surprised over that. i’m guessing it’s not very important for you to learn a girl’s name— as long as you’re in between her legs by the end of the night.”
his hand is on your shoulder, turning you around to face him abruptly as he stands closely, right in front of you.
“what the fuck is that supposed to mean? you think i fucked her?”
“i don’t want to know what you di—“
“shut the fuck up.” taesan orders, his fingers curling over your wrists making you wonder when they got there in the first place.
“make me.” someone (you?) says, and then you feel the cold press of taesan’s lip ring against your mouth.
it’s firm at first: the way his lips slam into yours, how both of your expressions still look pissed off at each other, even with both of your eyes closed. but eventually you seem to realize that taesan is actually kissing you— and then you’re melting into him, sighing as you feel his touch soften in response.
his kiss quickly turns demanding, lips moving against yours in pursuit of your taste. you squeak when his teeth bite at your bottom lip, not knowing you’ve fallen right into his trap until his tongue has already seized the opportunity and invaded your mouth. turns out you weren’t wrong when you thought you spotted a ball stud piercing on taesan’s tongue, you can most definitely feel it when he brushes it against your own appendage.
your head is pushed against the mirror from his vigor and you whimper, never having felt so dominated simply by a man’s kiss; taesan explores your mouth like he owns it, like it’s his, and it makes your core pulse, a flicker of neediness growing.
the rough groan he lets out as his hands move to roam and grasp at your waist hints at his possessiveness, fingers pressing into your skin through the thin material of your leotard.
“didn’t fuck her. didn’t want to.” he murmurs between the eager movements of his lips. “just wanted to make you jealous.”
“wh— why?” you manage breathily, taesan pressing his body against yours as your hands move to brace yourself on the barre.
“because i like you, y/n.” he smiles and huffs in disbelief at your denseness.
“i want to take you on a date— whether you let me between your legs or not.” he smirks, referring to your earlier harsh remark and making you cringe at the reference.
“i…i’d like that.” you say shyly, looking at him through your lashes. “the date— and..and the other thing too.”
“the other thing?” taesan repeats, confused as you only avoid his gaze, not further explaining— but funnily enough, your sudden bashful attitude is what makes it click in his mind.
“princess?” he experimentally calls, pleased when you automatically lift your head to look at him. his tongue unconsciously peaks out to play with his lip ring as he cockily grins, hand creeping up from your waist to pinch your chin between his fingers.
“why don’t you be a big girl and tell me what you mean?”
your nose crinkles, a pathetic attempt at defiance amidst your embarrassment. taesan’s other hand pinches the tender skin of your thigh, causing you to flinch and whimper at the slight pain as he makes a disapproving sound under his breath.
“come on, y/n. be good or i won’t give you what you want.”
“i— i want you...i meant—”
taesan does anything but go easy on you, eyes dark with mischief as he lowers his head to nibble at your neck. you squeeze your thighs together, looking for relief from the way your pussy now pulses prominently.
his hands move in tandem, one cradling along your jawline while the other brushes up and down your thigh, making you annoyed at your tights with how they keep you from feeling the cold brush of his rings against your skin.
you want them off. you want taesan to take them off. so you admit it.
“want you to fuck me. please, taesan.”
“awe,” he coos. “aren’t you a sweet one.”
you swear the tone in which he says those words turn you into goo, your hands releasing the barre to desperately hold onto his shirt.
“please.” you beg, finding yourself only wanting more praise— more of him— just anything he’s willing to give you.
taesan is able to identify the look in your eyes, staring at your lips and leaning down so slowly, making you whine at his teasing until he finally grants you mercy and kisses you again.
it’s dirtier than before: a lot more spit, moans, and movement from both of your tongues. taesan’s leg leans against the wall between your thighs, and whether it was his purpose to give you relief or not, you take the opportunity and hesitantly grind your core against his ripped jeans.
the pleasure is immediate, sending a tingle up your spine that has you arching against his chest, forgetting any shame as you begin to earnestly grind your hips against him. the thin layers covering your core paired with the roughness of taesan’s denim creates a wonderful friction, feeling how wet you’ve become in your panties.
“shit, you’re such a slut for it.” taesan remarks in genuine awe after breaking the kiss to watch the little show you’re putting on. his eyes take in every movement, from the way you rock against him to how your eyes squeeze shut and you tilt your head back.
the previous song playing on your phone has long since finished as some other tune now plays from your playlist— taesan suddenly becoming aware of it and that he has a girl whimpering and riding his thigh in the middle of a dance classroom.
he abruptly pulls away, the presence between your legs disappearing as you conjure a bratty sound from your throat.
“y/n,” taesan scolds in a harsh whisper. “did you forget where we are?”
“thought you said you’d fuck me if i was good?” you argue, flashing him a defiant expression.
“you think using my thigh to get yourself off without my permission is being good?”
your eyes widen, not expecting him to call you out on it.
looking to the floor and hearing taesan’s responding laugh at your childishness, it only makes the desire to act out against him stronger— you’re just not sure how you can do it in this moment.
“get your things. we can go to my place.” taesan offers, your stomach fluttering at the idea as you do what he says— moving to grab your phone, bag, and change out of your ballet wear.
your heart is pounding out of your chest and what’s between your legs hasn’t calmed down at all either by the time you walk out of the dance studio and sit in the passenger seat of taesan’s car.
and the drive is just as excruciating.
the man seems hellbent on teasing you by not giving you a drop of attention, keeping his eyes on the road while some rock song plays through the speakers. and you know he knows what he’s doing, how you can’t keep his eyes off of him, because the corner of his mouth is subtly turned.
you see no reason to hide it since he’s already aware, so you stare at him— once again admiring how hot his hands look wrapped around the steering wheel, the contours of his jawline and perfect side profile illuminated by the low hanging sun.
your eyes keep wandering— down, down, down until you get to his lap, where you see the large bulge tenting his pants.
your mouth waters and your hands twitch, wondering if he’s really as big as he looks and hoping you’ll get to find out by the end of tonight.
then you’re struck with an idea, recognizing the perfect opportunity you have right now— and you reach your hand out confidently to grope him over his pants.
you’re so proud at the way it makes taesan softly gasp under his breath, back stiffening at the unexpected touch. you mold your hand over his clothed dick, rubbing and gently squeezing— in all the right ways apparently, as you feel him twitch in your hands— even through the thick denim fabric.
“y/n, stop it.” taesan grits, and you hear the squeak of what you guess is his hands gripping tightly around the steering wheel. you don’t look at him until after you’ve located the head of his cock, rubbing over it with your thumb and meeting his fiery glare with a teasing bite to your lip— clearly pleased with yourself.
taesan is visibly pissed at your blatant act of defiance, but he gives you one more chance in the form of a threat.
“you’re not very patient, are you, princess? keep touching my dick like that and you won’t even get to see it out of my pants.”
your hand immediately stills— the man releasing a huff of disbelief when you pull your hand away completely to lay both of your hands on your lap, avoiding his gaze as you stare ahead.
not another word is shared, taesan enjoying the way you nervously squirm in your seat as he finally pulls into his apartment’s parking lot.
“stay.” he simply orders once he’s parked, and you’re left confused as he exits the car, only to watch him come around and open your door for you— even going as far to unbuckle your seatbelt and keep a firm hold around your wrist as he leads you up the stairs of his building. it makes butterflies flutter in your stomach yet your insides twist with nervous anticipation— because he does it all with the same stern eyes he spoke to you with as he threatened not to fuck you.
when the key is twisted and his front door lightly squeaks open— his residence somehow looks exactly how you thought; dark, moody, vintage rock posters and memorabilia hanging on the walls.
you expect him to be cheesy and press you against his door the moment it’s closed, but he doesn’t— instead walking over leisurely to his couch and sitting down, legs widely spread in an oddly commanding and powerful way.
your eyes widen at the arousing image, feeling yourself become sheepish as taesan lets his eyes roam over your form without shame.
“why do you look so shy now? you were such a disobedient little slut in the car.”
you swallow, hardly able but trying to hold eye contact with him as your face heats up in a delicious sort of shame.
taesan sighs as though he’s annoyed with your silence, patting one thigh with his hand.
“come here.”
“…h— huh?”
“don’t make me say it again, y/n.” he orders— and next thing you know, your body is moving to straddle the leg he’s directed you to sit on.
“there we go. guess princesses can take orders sometimes, hm?” he rhetorically asks, but you’re nodding your head anyway.
taesan just stares at you for a bit, admiring how pretty you look sitting and waiting for what he’ll do next, so different from the bratty attitude you had during the car ride.
then his hands rest on your bare waist, giving him easy access as you had disregarded your leotard before leaving the studio, now only wearing your cropped shirt and athletic shorts.
you’re unable to conceal the shuddered inhale you take as taesan’s hands creep upward, seeing him smirk at the sound before his hands slip under your shirt and reach your tits.
“no bra?” he teases, biting his lip as his fingers pinch at your hard nipples.
“n— no,” you struggle out, flinching lightly as taesan plays with your tits without any restraint, like your body is his toy. the contrast of his cool rings against your heated skin causes goosebumps to rise on the surface of your arms, chest pushing further into his hands. “didn’t think there was any p—..point.”
you watch as taesan shakes his head like he’s disappointed, yet he’s smiling darkly.
“dirty girl.” he remarks, giving a firmer pinched tug to your hard bud and forcing a whimper to escape from between your lips. “just take everything off then.”
you’re quicker to do what he says this time, only letting your sudden shy attitude make you hesitate for a moment before getting up from his lap to discard your clothing to his floor, keeping eye contact with taesan as best as you can manage— as he seems pleased when you do. he lets out a hungry exhale when you take off your shirt and your tits are revealed to his eyes, hand leisurely jerking himself off over his pants by the time your shorts are removed— leaving you only in your underwear.
“is that a thong, princess?” taesan asks breathily, eyes slightly widening in what you think might be surprise.
“yeah? it’s…it’s what i always wear underneath my leotard.” you confirm, somewhat confused— until taesan speaks again, hand moving up and down his dick faster.
“fuck, just— just didn’t expect such a prissy girl like you to— shit, i don’t know. you’re so hot.”
you smile— and it’s equally sexy and cute in a way that makes taesan feel like he’s going to go insane if you don’t get back on his lap right away. your fingers slip beneath the band of your panties to tug them off, but he stops you before you can.
“don’t. keep them on, wanna see you make a mess in them for me.”
a part of you— the bratty side— wants to say you already have, the dark spot from your leaking arousal evidence of it. but you don’t, the desire to listen actually winning over as you remove your hands from your hips and straddle his thigh again. you hover this time, not fully sitting down as you’re embarrassed for him to feel your wetness directly against his bare skin, which are revealed through the large holes in his jeans.
but taesan catches on immediately, tutting fondly as his hands squeeze at your hips.
“all the way.” he drawls, like he’s giving a ditzy dog a command they’re struggling to understand— and it makes your stomach flip, hurrying to do as he says.
you know he feels it, how your panties clinging to your wet pussy lips press against his thigh— and as he bites at his lip, drawing your eyes to his twinkling piercing yet again— your face burns as you’re sure he’s probably looking at the glistening residue you’ve surely left on his skin.
“good girl.” he mutters roughly, you whining in response as your hands fist into the material of his shirt.
you feel like such a slut, sitting on a man’s lap almost completely bare while he’s fully clothed, your needy pussy slowly drenching his thigh in your juices; and you sound like one too as taesan leans down to suck your nipple into his mouth.
you gasp and stutter— unsure of what you’re even trying to say as taesan chuckles around your bud, continuing to flick and roll his pierced tongue over you. the contrast of his warm appendage and the occasional brush of round metal against your skin makes you sensitive, hole clenching around nothing with every other swipe of his tongue.
“like that?” he whispers before switching to give your other breast attention.
“yes,” you quietly moan, wrapping your arms around to grip and play with the hair at the nape of his neck, subsequently pushing his face deeper into your tits.
he likes that— if his responding groan is anything to judge by, his hands pulling your hips forward and drawing a more unabashed sound from your lips at the movement.
“use me. get your little pussy off on my thigh.”
“fuck— yes,” you obey, rocking your hips and finding a rhythm.
“shit. that’s it, baby.” he coos, his hand suddenly reigning down against your ass a contrast to his soft tone as it leaves your skin tingling with heat. “just a few little touches is all it takes to get the brat out of you, huh?”
you scoff at that— though it’s interrupted by a moan when taesan flexes his thigh. shame burns your skin and his little remark makes you want to act out again, but all you can do is grind your pussy against him, gasping and going faster whenever your covered clit gets brushed over just right.
your hands that are still tangled in his hair pull to disconnect his mouth from your tits, leaning down to kiss him instead. taesan doesn’t scold you for the demanding gesture— but he does lift a hand to grasp it over your throat. he doesn’t squeeze, but the simple act makes you feel so good and dominated— and his other hand which gropes at your ass and snaps the string waistband of your thong has you falling further into delirium.
“please— please, tae. wanna cum.”
“then cum.” he says simply, and when you finally open your squeezed shut eyes, he’s staring at your desperate face with amusement— and just like that, you’re pissed.
“taesan! i can’t! not— not enough!” you whine, not even able to think about how pathetic you sound.
“you’re cumming by my thigh or not at all. this is what you get for acting like a fucking whore while i was driving.”
you whisper out a sigh, and it’s so broken and helpless as you rock your hips earnestly against him that he almost feels bad— but the bigger part of him is proud; proud in a dark and twisted way at how he’s dwindled the ballerina down to nothing but a mindless slut that’s practically crying with the need to cum.
another spank is delivered to your ass and you flinch, taesan’s hand around your neck getting a little firmer as he forces your teary eyes to look up at him— and you feel like a dog in heat as your hips never stop their efforts to bring you to release.
“please.” you beg, and taesan’s eyes turn hazey at the beautiful sound.
“come on, princess. i know you can do it for me.” he encourages— and turns out that’s all you needed.
taesan gets an up close view as your eyes roll to the back of your head, mouth dropping open in a silent cry as he feels you ruin your panties even further.
his thigh is dripping as you keep rutting your hips against him, letting out small whimpers as you work yourself through your high. taesan grants you mercy at the very end, helping you grind your hips before eventually slowing you to a stop.
then he’s picking you up and carrying you into what you can only assume is his bedroom— because in the next moment he’s laying you down on a black comforter-covered mattress and stripping off his clothes.
you’re panting, still catching your breath— but you still manage to make a somewhat teasing comment as the man’s bare chest is revealed to you.
“no tattoos?”
taesan looks up at you right after pulling his shirt over his head, black hair disheveled and brushing over his eyes as he smirks silently at you and combs it out of his face.
“i thought all emo’s had tattoos.” you tack on— and that gets him to respond.
“emo?! i’m not emo, i’m fucking punk!” he argues, somewhat offended but mostly amused as he works on removing his jeans.
“emo, punk, metalhead. it’s all the same thing.” you offhandedly say.
“…i’m about to go soft.” taesan threatens.
“kidding!” you laugh, sitting up on your elbows— and the smile is completely wiped off your face when taesan removes his boxers and his dick is finally freed, slapping against his abs.
“shit..” you whisper to yourself, watching as taesan rolls a condom on before climbing on the bed and caging you underneath him with his body.
“need me to stretch you first, princess?” taesan sweetly asks after peeling off your drenched panties, hand brushing up and down your hip soothingly.
as much as you want his sexy fingers in your cunt— you can’t wait any longer, spreading your legs for him as you flash him your best puppy-dog eyes.
“no. please just fuck me, taesanie. need you.”
“god…” taesan sighs, not making you wait anymore as he lines his head to your entrance before pushing in slowly. “oh, fuck. you’re so tight, princess.”
your chest heaves as he pushes into the hilt, your hands gripping against the sheets.
“move. fuck me hard, please. want it rough.”
you think you hear taesan mutter something about you being a dream before his pulling out till just the tip is stretching your hole— and slamming back inside.
you both turn a little animalistic and desperate, learning how the other feels and bodies being taken over by the pleasure of it. taesan’s cock stretches you out so good— he fucks you so good. the rocking of his bed frame hits against his wall, and you have a fleeting thought about if the walls are thin and if he’ll get a noise complaint— before all that is forgotten as taesan takes hold of one of your thighs and bends it against your chest.
“feel it, baby? feel how fucking bad i want you?” taesan groans between his teeth, hand squeezing tightly around your leg unconsciously— and you secretly hope it leaves mark indentations from his rings; tiny bruises from his fingers you can admire the next day.
you only can respond so his deeply uttered words with a broken moan, and taesan only fucks you harder.
“that’s it, princess got what she wanted.” he coos, eyes surprising you by how they turn a little soft— though the movement of his hips certainly never do. “always give my princess what she wants.”
you whine at that, grabbing him by the shoulders to ask for a kiss.
“fuck, you drive me crazy, y/n.” he breathes before leaning down to yet again give you what you ask for.
“but i like that about you.” he finishes between kisses.
your thighs are trembling in pleasure, sweat is lining your hairline and glistening from taesan’s chest— and you can’t take it anymore, wrapping your legs around taesan’s waist as your nails dig into his back.
“can i come, please? oh, fff— please?”
“such a good fucking slut when you got a cock in you, huh? can’t believe my princess likes it rough.”
his hand manages to squeeze between your bodies despite how tightly you cling to him, his fingers finding your clit and tracing shapes over it.
“cum, baby. get it all over my sheets.”
your body going stiff before trembling uncontrollably against him, all while your pussy clenched around his throbbing cock— it brings taesan to release as well, pressing his mouth to yours to swallow each other's cries of pleasure.
the come down is slow, taesan rolling over and pulling your body on top of his so he doesn’t accidentally fall against you in exhaustion.
your deep breaths puff warmly against his neck as he cradles you on his chest, hands swirling patterns over your back absentmindedly.
“that was…amazing.” you say around a sigh, enjoying the comforting aroma of taesan’s cologne imbedded into his sheets.
“yeah…are you done?” taesan asks, still breathy yet curious— and you raise your head to look at his face.
“you want to go again?”
“well,” taesan starts, somewhat sheepishly— yet his eyes hold that constant playful sparkle. “just thought you might be curious what it feels like to get eaten out with a piercing.”
your eyes widen, clearly shocked by not only the question but at how correct he is.
“come on, princess. you’re not slick. don’t think i didn’t notice you staring at it when we were at the bar. plus, you did say you wanted me between your legs—“
“can you stop bringing that up!?”
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note ; and for anyone wondering, yes, taesan went to reader’s ballet performance. (and yes, he got jealous watching her and jaehyun dancing on stage together…part two material?🤭)
all taglists (perm/fluff/smut) are open if anyone would like to be added! age must be in bio/somewhere on pinned post if you want to be tagged in perm/smut taglist.
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gothicfied · 24 days ago
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can you write for thanos x reader where the reader is really stoic and calm, not mean, but just does not express much emotion and it drive thanos crazy trying to impress her and get a reaction? Thanks :)
Hard to get - Thanos / Player 230
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Pairing: Thanos / Player 230 x calm!reader
Summary: Thanos will do anything to get a reaction out of you, even if that means he has to put himself in danger.
Warnings: Mentions of death/dying, blood, gunshots, killing (typical squid game stuff), other than that it's just fluff (kinda lol), not proof read (english isn't my first language)
Word count: 971 Words
A/N: hii, I hope this is alright and what you had imagined!
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When you woke up in a random bed, in a new environment with random people, you almost started to have a panic attack. Usually, you don't really show your emotions, you just keep them locked inside you and let a war rage in your mind while appearing to be calm about a situation you can't be calm about. After the initial shock wore off, you made your way to the middle of this area filled with beds, where other contestants or players with different numbers started complaining to the guards, that wore pretty ridiculous outfits you thought, about where their belongings went and other stuff.
After getting to know the rules of this.. 'game' you guys were playing for money, as everyone including you was here because of huge debt or money problems, you were led to the first mini game. Everyone went up the stairs while upbeat music was playing in the background, the fun colors of this environment stinging in your eyes. Suddenly, you hear someone whistle behind you: "Señorita!" The voice of a man seemingly called out to you. Without stopping, you turned your head around to face a purple-haired guy with a shit eating grin on his face. "Wow, what is a pretty thing like you doing here?" Without giving him a reaction, you just shrugged and went on, feeling your legs grow tired of climbing these stairs.
"What? You don't know?" Player 230, the numbed on his chest, seemed relentless. "Well, yeah, I obviously know. You do too, we're all in here because of one reason." you answered him, matter-of-factly, not giving him the time to speak to his face. "Have I already told you how pretty you are?" This guy's flirting techniques weren't really that great. He continued to shower you with compliments, to which you mostly didn't reply or at most said "Thank you."
When arriving at the top, every player had to take a picture in front of some screens. Conventionally, Thanos, as you gathered his alias was from others who seemed to know him, was waiting in the queue next to you, now talking with.. his fans? You didn't quite get it, but apparently he was some sort of rapper you had never heard of. A few players wanted to take a group photo with him and when he said yes, he looked at you, still waiting in line for your turn. "Hey, you there. Come on, you can be in the picture, too." Thanos said, signaling you to come over to him. Raising your eyebrows slightly, you just waved it off, with it now being your turn to take a picture.
Entering the open-roof arena of sorts, with the femald voice explaining the rules of Red-Light-Green-Light to the players, you found yourself next to Thanos, again. "So, you don't know who I am?" You just said 'no' and looked at him expectantly, like you wanted him to explain who he was. It seemed to annoy him. The man went on about how he was a rapper, even demonstrating that to you with some cheesy rap he came up on the spot, until he was interrupted by some guy, yelling that everyone who'd move during red light would die. How drastic.
"What is he talking about?" Thanos whispered, but you didn't show a reaction and rather listened to what Player 456 had to say. It started to really get on Thanos' nerves that he couldn't even coax one reaction or emotion out of you. No matter gow charming he was or how many questions he asked, you remained aloof. He kind of liked it.
"Must be on drugs, huh?" Another attempt of him to talk to you, to which you shushed him. The man in up front was talking about how you'd get shot if you moved, that being disqualified just meant they'd execute you. You didn't want to believe him, like, this sounds too crazy to be real, right? Yet still, you were determined to follow his directions. Everyone lined up on the white line, the mechanic girl doll thing staring you down. It was big and scary, also mysterious in some way. How would they shoot eliminated players? Would she shoot lasers out of her eyes like in some kind of film?
You found out pretty quickly that it was just guards who did it, as one girl panicked when a bee landed on her and that set off a chain reaction with others trying to run for their lives, just to get it taken away from them. You were floored. Splatters if blood landed on your face from one woman being shot right in front of you, Thanos not far away experiencing the same. Player 456 was screaming everyone to either run or freeze, depending on if it was red light or green light, guiding the remaining players through the game quickly.
Thanos and you had been locking eyes everytime you were supposed to freeze, him sending you a small wink everytime he saw your disturbed face. Unbeknownst to you, to everyone, he had taken some kind of pill out from his cross necklace, some kind of drug, and was now bouncing all over the place, like this wasn't serious. He reveled in the fact that he was able to get a reaction out of you now: you were mortified everytime he did something even remotely dangerous. Aww, you cared for him!
Going as far as pushing other players over, getting them killed, you concluded that this guy was mental.
The last few seconds of the given time were scary. You had made it over the finish line, saving yourself from a gruesome death, just like Thanos.
"Glad to see you on this side, Señorita. Would've been too bad if I couldn't have seen your pretty face ever again."
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skyedancer-system · 6 days ago
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Going into Poppy Playtime Chap. 4 I was not expecting to get halfway decent plural rep but here we are????
Spoilers for the new chapter under the cut, and also cw for all the general Poppy Playtime stuff (child death + experimentation, body horror, if you know the game you get the gist)
SO THIS GUY HUH
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Doey the Doughman, the surprise character revealed just days before the chapter dropped and who finally answered the question of the red/orange/yellow hand imagery we’ve been getting teased with for so long
In the chapter himself he’s pretty important to the plot and is an ally to the player, Poppy, and Kissy for (most of) the chapter, and he’s a pretty nice guy just with a bit of a temper, and very overwhelmed by having to keep the Safe Haven together and protected in Poppy’s absence.
But his personal story? How he was created via Playtime Co.’s Bigger Bodies Initiative? Oh god it’s honestly one of the most messed up ones yet other than Yarnaby (and that’s saying something considering this is child experimentation we’re talking about, and Yarnaby lost his entire self and was treated like a straight up animal, isolated so he would love and obey Harley and only Harley)
Where most of the living toys were made from one child, Doey was made from three. Jack, a visitor to the factory that got caught in a freak accident and was taken into Playtime’s care for his medical recovery. Kevin, a problem child in the Playcare known for his anger issues. And Matthew, an extremely kind boy who tried to keep hopes up among all the orphans in the Playcare, and was a sort of leader to them.
And all three of them are still present in some form; at various points in the game you see them switch, speaking and thinking differently, with varying opinions on everything happening. And from the tape of the Jack’s parents seeing what Playtime did to their son, we see that the three have separate memories as well, at least they did when they were first put together.
And this plurality that was forced onto them isn’t played for scary points like you’d expect from a mascot horror game. Yes it is part of Doey’s monstrous design once they get upset, but them being upset is because everything they had worked to protect was destroyed by the Prototype. All of the other kids turned toys that had kept their consciousness and relied on Doey for protection, mercilessly killed. Anybody would be horrifically upset in that situation. And one of the three boys - Kevin - lashes out at the player, the other two trying to calm him down only for all of them to fall into anger and emotion.
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You can clearly see the three kids; one angry, two sad, all of their emotions coming together into a grief induced rage, with physical pain only compounding it. And when you eventually have to kill them and put them out of their misery, their last words?
“I’m sorry.”
They were just kids; three kids forced into a horrible situation and having to learn to live with it. And for a long time it seems that they did, working together rather peacefully until their lives were upheaved by the arrival of the player and Poppy’s reappearance.
Kevin’s anger at everyone and the world is completely justified; I mean he and the other two were experimented on and then kept caged like animals, being practically forced to kill! He wanted to protect them; to avenge the countless others that had been killed by the Playtime scientists and the Prototype! And considering things only went to shit after the player and Poppy showed up? Well it’s no wonder that anger got directed at them
It it a super good depiction of plurality? No, not by a long shot. But it’s definitely way better than I would expect from a game like Poppy Playtime.
I was not expecting this post to get this long whoops fbsnbdns; if anyone else has anything they want to add though we’d love to hear it!
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verysium · 1 year ago
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attractive things bllk characters (unintentionally) do?👀
i received this ask and decided to write this entire thing through a caffeine-powered fever dream. may have gone a little overboard. please pray for both your sanity and mine. thank you anon for your strong sense of imagination (or delusion, whichever you prefer.)
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nagi lifts the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face, and you accidentally (or not so accidentally) get a good look at the droplets running down his abs and v-line. he also does the doorway lean while waiting for you to get ready. since he's so tall, he puts his one arm up on the top of the door frame while scrolling through his phone. when he feels drained of energy, he clings to you like a koala, face buried into the crook of your neck.
rin pushes his hair back when his bangs get in the way, and it shows off his ridiculously sharp side profile. sometimes you have to pause mid-conversation because the direct eye contact gets too intense. he has the brightest turquoise eyes in existence, and they stare right into your soul. pair that with the height difference and him towering over you. hang onto your ovaries because this man is about to snatch them. if isagi or sae are anywhere remotely close within your vicinity, he will personally drag your chair closer over to him. you know, the whole nick jonas chair pull thing? he also unintentionally clenches his jaw when pissed, the vein popping out and everything.
barou is polite to his elders. he holds the door open for others. he tips extra at restaurants. he is kind to service workers. he's just a gentleman overall even though he likes to act tough. he rolls up his sleeves while cleaning or cutting up vegetables, and you can see the veins bulging in his forearms. wears those form-fitting aprons where you can see the outline of his waist and the muscles in his back. he is not immune to raging pit bull moments, but he will calm down immediately when you ask him to.
kaiser requires physical touch to function. all concept of personal boundaries goes poof in his little ego-driven brain. he holds your chin so you look up at him while he's talking. also has that husky growl when he wakes up in the morning. he speaks german. what else is more attractive than that? if you stroke his ego, he will puff his chest out like an emperor penguin and flash that movie star smile. does not slow down his pace for you, and will laugh at your expense when you trip in heels and fall. but then he feels guilty about it and begrudgingly picks you up and carries you home. however, before that he will make you swear on everything holy to never tell isagi about his moment of weakness. (tbh kaiser is a menace and has some serious self-esteem issues. pls avoid dating a man like him in real life until he is fully mature. i still love him tho.)
reo mansplains but not in the condescending way. he does so in the "omg i'm so excited to finally get to share something with you and you're never going to believe it" sort of way. rambles on and on about his interests and gets that little glint in his eye when he's passionate about something. also not sure if this counts but he gets extremely depressed when you don't message him back within five minutes. what do you mean you were busy? he was out here dying from a literal famine. he needs your affection to survive. last but not least, he is good at styling. he knows what colors work best for you, and he will put together three new looks for you in record time.
hiori dreams that you left him for good and wakes up crying with his arms around you. will refuse to let you leave the bed even if it is just to get a glass of water. his rare moments of emotional vulnerability are what gets to you.
shidou does not condone any of your bad decisions. you want to get shit-faced and party until early morning? no complaints from him. you want to wear sexy outfits to the club? say less because he's about to enjoy the view and knock out the front teeth of every guy who dares to ogle you. i don't know if this qualifies as being attractive, but he would never be the controlling type. you can dress and act however you want. unfortunately for you though, this is also a textbook case of the blind leading the blind. if you get horrendously hungover, so does he. if you get pulled over, he's going to be too blackout drunk to even comprehend the officer's words. you can count on him for a good time, but not anything else. do not take any of his advice at face value.
oliver likes to show you off even if he doesn't notice it himself. any talk with his team, and he will find a way to make the entire conversation about you. at this point, the entire u-20 team is done with him. they placed bets that you two wouldn't last more than a month due to his philandering reputation, but the universe seems to think otherwise because you and oliver hit the six-month mark and are still going strong.
ness guards your drink with an unnecessary amount of protection. while you left to go use the restroom, he was looking left and right, and the hairs on the back of his neck were prickling every time someone even came close to your cup. he also shoos away any person who opens their mouth while standing next to your drink because apparently the condensation from their breath could be dangerous. definitely covers your cup with both hands even if it has a lid. no suspicious shit is happening on his watch.
yukimiya is well-read, and he wears glasses. he has a copy of every single classic out there in existence and will fangirl along with you over your virginia woolf collection. he was written by a woman with two cats and a wine glass. not much else to say.
loki absolutely clears the entire carnival/arcade game. you want that giant teddy bear that costs over three hundred ticket points? say less because he's about to win the whole damn pot. of all characters, i would say he's one of the only green flags. like celery green.
isagi always looks for you when he enters the room. intentionally or not, he always seeks your presence. if someone says a funny joke, he turns to you to see if you're laughing or not. also does that somewhat creepy stare thing where he just looks at you quietly while you do mundane tasks. internally he is screaming cus what do you mean you actually like him?
chigiri gives you that thankful little smile whenever you stand up for him. i feel like people don't understand how goofy he can get as he's canonically good at doing impressions/impersonations. also has the prettiest laugh. if he ever cuts his hair, i think i'm going to get a nosebleed.
noa unconsciously says yes to every question you ask of him. he'd be giving bastard münchen a hard time (and denying isagi's requests) but then immediately once you come over, he's automatically acquiescing to everything you say. the rest of the team is low-key shocked you can win him over so easily. when they confront him about it, he just shrugs and goes "y/n is always right."
kurona's entire existence is attractive. he's just perfect. nothing is ever wrong with him. will let you check out his shark teeth and lightly pokes your finger to leave an imprint. hopefully you'll always remember him that way. he's also quiet so he will listen to everything you say and give ample weight to your words.
sae is my baby girl so he gets a whole section dedicated to himself:
absentmindedly plays with your hair. when you're sleeping in his lap, he'll gently run his fingers along your scalp. sometimes in the morning when you're sitting up on the edge of your bed to do your makeup, he'll come up from behind you and brush back your hair. might also press a kiss to the back of your neck.
helps you put on your face mask. when he's shopping, he will buy you lotion along with his own skincare products. says that it was just a convenient store run but you know he personally made sure to get you the best quality ones.
this is canon because i said so: when he gets out of the shower, he slings the towel over his neck or his shoulder. he also involuntarily flexes his biceps when he bends down to grab something. has the world's most defined deltoids.
when you're stuck in large crowds at the airport, he puts his hand in your back pocket to keep you two from getting separated. if the TSA pat-down is anywhere too personal for his liking, he will openly glare at the officer once you've passed the security checkpoint.
bonus point: when you two brush your teeth early in the morning, he has that little bed head where his shorn-off bangs stick up in cute little tufts here and there. will have a dead look on his face, but his eyes soften when he catches your gaze through the mirror.
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devilyn · 19 days ago
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"This is the end, then?"
His voice was bitter as you wrapped your scarf closer around the lower half of your face, trying to keep warm under the moonlight and dim street lamp.
"...yeah," you whispered into the wool fabric, looking down at Tsukishima's shoes and avoiding his sharp gaze.
"At least look at me while breaking up with me."
He had every right time be hurt. You knew that.
Almost stiffly, you finally lifted your head to look into his eyes, and the sight almost crumbled your resolve.
Hurt. Betrayal. Confusion. Emotions he typically would try to hide were more evident than ever in his eyes.
"Are you serious?" His tone was cold, yet a silent rage burned in his low voice. "After everything, this is it?"
"I've already explained to you why, Kei--"
"I don't care, it's a bullshit reason!"
"So not caring about my feelings is a bullshit reason?" You finally snapped at him.
Tsukishima went silent. After a second, he clicked his tongue and looked off to the side.
"I told you, Kei, multiple times before we even got to this point," you continued to hiss, rage burning in your eyes as you glared up at him. "You've been WAY too comfortable with your insults lately. You called me lazy and worthless the other day, do you know how that feels?"
His shoulders visibly slumped as he finally processed your words. The regret hit him instantly and he pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses up.
"...I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean it." He whispered quietly, a subtle tremor in his voice.
"I can only take so much, do you understand?"
You wanted to bury your face into your palms and cry, but the last thing you wanted to do was show Tsukishima that he could draw that kind of reaction from you. So instead, you focused on your anger. You glared at him, scowled, yelled, but you didn't cry.
"Baby," His voice was practically laced with desperation now, the term of endearment uttered in a weak plea.
"Don't call me that," you responded quickly, refusing to look into his eyes. Your voice lacked the edge you hoped for.
You hated when he used those petnames with you when you were upset with him. He knew how quickly you would fold for him. But not this time.
"We're over. I'm breaking up with you."
You looked into his eyes this time, and you watched as a dark scowl took over his usual calm expression. You saw the pain and betrayal in his eyes, quickly hidden behind the rage he constantly used as his defense mechanism.
And you braced yourself for what you knew was about to come, shoulders tensing and shrinking into yourself.
"Fuck it, see if I care," He snarled, "I don't give a fuck anymore, I'll be so much better off without you. You were just dead weight to me anyway."
Your heart ached in your chest, and you glared up at your ex boyfriend with tears in your eyes.
"...fuck off, Kei."
Something like regret flashed across his face at the sight of your tears, but you've turned away and stalked off before either of you could acknowledge it.
"Wait, baby--"
The door slammed shut behind you, and Tsukishima was left rooted to the floor in his now too empty apartment.
He swallowed the apology stuck in his throat, knowing you'd never be able to hear it. You left him, and he could only blame himself.
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fear-is-truth · 17 days ago
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PLAYER 124 / NAM-GYU as your boyfriend
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warnings — kinda toxic. mention of drug use. a/n — who should i write for next…
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남규
nam-gyu is the kind of partner who constantly needs to feel in control. he has a fragile ego, so he’d want to prove he’s the one in charge in the relationship, even if it means belittling you in arguments. he’s not the type to openly apologise; instead, he’d try to “make it up” by buying you gifts or doing something overly performative to smooth things over.
wouldn’t outright say “i love you” (saranghae; 사랑해) unless it’s in the middle of an argument or you’re threatening to leave. it wouldn’t be the “romantic” type of “i love you”; it’d be desperate, like, “fine, i love you, okay? is that what you want to hear?” then he’d get mad at himself for even saying it lol.
he’d have a complicated way of showing affection—instead of saying something sweet, he’d tell you, “that hoodie looks ugly as hell, but you somehow make it work.” or, “you’re lucky you’ve got me looking out for you.” it’s almost backhanded, like he’s scared of being too soft.
when it comes to physical touch, he’d only be comfortable initiating it when he’s in control. he’d sling an arm over your shoulder in public to make sure everyone knows you’re his, but in private, he’d sit stiffly until you coaxed him to relax. if you tried to cuddle him or play with his hair, he’d grumble, “stop being clingy,” but wouldn’t pull away—and if you did stop, he’d be like, “what, now you’re ignoring me?”
he’d NEVER let you see him cry. he’d bottle up everything until it spills over in a way that’s either pure rage or self-destructive. but maybe, just maybe, he’d have a mini breakdown and choke out something like, “i’m so fucking tired,” and let you hold him for a minute before he shuts it all down again and pretends it didn’t happen.
his jealousy would be off the charts. if he even suspects someone else is catching your attention, he’d immediately become aggressive and violent toward the perceived “threat.” then he’d accuse you of flirting or not appreciating him enough, even if you’ve done nothing wrong.
he’d have this really toxic habit of trying to “test” your loyalty. like, he’d say something purposely cruel just to see how much you’d put up with, and if you didn’t take the bait, he’d either feel validated or spiral into self-loathing because he’s scared you’ll leave. he’s the kind of guy who pushes people away but gets furious when they actually go.
he’s manipulative and would use your vulnerabilities against you during fights, twisting your words to make himself seem like the victim. he thrives on power dynamics, so if you’re someone with a soft heart, he’d use that to his advantage to get his way. he’s not above emotional blackmail.
obsesses over how others perceive him, so he’d put a lot of energy into making sure you’re impressed by him. even if he’s not doing well, he’d brag about some minor victory just to hear you say you’re proud of him. if you ever criticised him—like genuinely, not jokingly—it’d eat him alive. he’d act like it didn’t bother him, but he’d bring it up days later in a passive-aggressive comment like, “guess i’m just not good enough for you, huh?”
he strikes me as the guy who’d buy you expensive gifts, to prove he’s capable of taking care of you. he’d probably get something super flashy and impractical, and then get annoyed if you fawn over it immediately. “what, you don’t like it? i spent a lot of money on that shit.”
deep down, i feel like he’s terrified of being alone. he doesn’t know how to show it in a healthy way, so it comes out as possessiveness. like, he’d constantly ask where you’re going, who you’re with, and what you’re doing—not because he genuinely doesn’t trust you, but because he doesn’t trust himself to be worth staying for. if you ever left him on read, even for a little while, he’d overthink it to the point of spiraling, doing drugs etc.
has zero tolerance when it comes to anyone disrespecting you. if someone said something rude or crossed a line, he wouldn’t hesitate to fight them to defend your honour.
definitely not the type to plan cute dates or do anything traditionally romantic. instead, he’d drag you along to things he already likes—bars, shady clubs—and expect you to have fun. but sometimes, when he’s in a good mood, he might surprise you by doing something actually thoughtful, like showing up at your door with your favourite street snack or insisting on watching a movie he secretly hates just because he knows it makes you happy.
his love language would probably be acts of service, but only in an effed-up way where it feeds his own need for validation. he’d show his love by offering to “solve” your problems, but he’d expect endless praise for it. he’d remind you constantly of how lucky you are to have him.
feels completely out of his depth when you’re sad, but he can’t stand seeing you like that. instead of asking what’s wrong (because vulnerability makes him squirm), he’d focus on practical things. if you haven’t eaten, he’d come back with takeout—probably ordering your favourite without even asking because he’s memorised it by now. he wouldn’t outright express his concern, though. instead, he’d shove the food at you with a gruff, “here. eat this before you waste away or something.”
despite his flaws, when you’re sad or feeling low, there’s a small part of him that genuinely wants to help, even if he doesn’t know how. he’d sit awkwardly next to you, fidgeting with his rings, and mutter, “you’re stronger than this, you know. don’t let whatever’s bothering you win.” …. the closest thing to a pep talk he can manage.
nam-gyu is FAR from an ideal boyfriend—he’s moody, defensive, and often toxic in the way he handles his emotions. his need for control and his inability to communicate openly make him exhausting to deal with at times, especially when his insecurities get the better of him. but underneath all that mess, he knows he’s piece of work, and a part of him feels like you’ll wake up one day and realise you deserve better. this fear makes him hold on too tightly, sometimes suffocatingly so, but it also drives him to try—clumsily, imperfectly, but genuinely for you. he doesn’t know how to love in a healthy way, but he does love, and he loves deeply.
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 fear-is-truth 2025 — all rights reserved. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.
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magical-reid · 1 month ago
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Mornings Are the Hardest
Paring: Bucky Barnes x reader
Warning: Angsty with a happy ending
Word Count: 1.5K
Summary: Bucky Barnes has pushed away the person he cares about most, afraid of being vulnerable, of letting someone into the broken parts of himself. After an emotional breakdown, he finally admits that he wants more—more than the fleeting moments and the painful goodbyes—and when he opens up, he finds that the person he loves feels the same. With that realization, both Bucky and the reader can begin to heal, together.
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Bucky Barnes used to love mornings—well, he used to. Back when the days were simpler, before everything got complicated. Before Hydra, and most importantly, before you.
Mornings were never a thing to him. He’d wake up, usually alone, the cold sheets around him just a reminder of the battle scars on his soul, his body, the battles he’d fought, both in war and with himself. He was fine with being alone. He had to be. After everything, he learned to push people away—keep them at arm's length. It was easier that way.
But not anymore.
Not since you.
You broke through the walls he’d built around himself. What started as a late-night distraction, a way to escape the nightmares and the crushing loneliness of his life, became something much more than he ever intended. The moments spent with you—soft laughter in the dark, the comfort of your touch, the way you made him feel like maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t beyond saving—those moments filled something inside him he didn’t even know was empty.
But the mornings… they were the hardest.
He hated waking up to an empty bed, the space beside him cold, and the imprint of your absence hanging in the air like a ghost. He could still smell the faint traces of your perfume on the pillow, the lingering heat of your skin where you had been, but you were gone. Always gone by the time he woke up.
It used to be that those bruises you left on him—the marks of your passion, of your need—didn’t mean anything. They were just physical signs of a fleeting thing. But now? Now, they felt like something else. Reminders of everything he couldn't keep, reminders that you weren’t sticking around, that whatever this was between the two of you was always just temporary.
He had no right to want more. He had no right to ask for it, especially when his life was built on lies, blood, and broken promises. But the more time he spent with you, the more he realized that he didn’t want to be alone anymore. Not like this.
But how could he tell you that? How could he admit that he was falling for you when he was so broken, when he was convinced you deserved more than someone like him?
When Bucky arrived at the compound later that afternoon, he could feel the tension in his chest, the anxiety that had built up all day. Everyone was doing their usual thing—Sam was cracking jokes with whoever would listen, Natasha was on her laptop, and Wanda was sipping coffee on the couch. But you, you were sitting at the table, talking with Steve, laughing at something he said.
The sound of your laughter hit Bucky like a sucker punch. It wasn’t the kind of laughter that made him smile anymore—it was the kind of laughter that made his chest ache, that reminded him of all the things he couldn’t have.
He stood in the doorway for a moment, watching you, his heart heavy. You looked so carefree, so radiant, and it made him feel even more like an outsider. His stomach twisted, the familiar pang of jealousy clawing at him when he saw the way Steve smiled at you. But you didn’t see him standing there, didn’t notice the way his world seemed to slow down as he watched you talk, unaware of the war raging inside him.
“Bucky!” Sam’s voice broke through the fog in his mind. “You gonna stand there all day, or you want to join the rest of us?”
Bucky snapped out of his trance, forcing himself to move forward. “Yeah, sure,” he muttered, slipping into the seat next to Sam.
You turned then, offering him that soft smile that used to make his heart race—but now, it just made him feel like a fraud. A stranger sitting across from someone he wanted to be close to but had no idea how to be.
“Hey, Bucky,” you said, voice light, casual. Too casual. “How’s it going?”
Bucky opened his mouth to respond, but the words caught in his throat. He couldn’t do this anymore. Not with you. Not like this. “Fine,” he said, his voice rough. He avoided looking at you, his gaze darting to the beer in front of him.
“You sure about that?” Sam asked, raising an eyebrow, his gaze flicking between Bucky and you.
“I’m fine,” Bucky repeated, his voice hardening. He picked up his beer and drank it too fast, hoping the burn in his throat would drown out the emotions bubbling inside him. But it didn’t work.
You leaned in a little closer to Steve, laughing at something he said, and Bucky’s stomach churned with the kind of frustration that only came when he felt out of control. He couldn’t take it. He couldn’t just sit here and pretend everything was okay when he knew it wasn’t.
Without another word, he stood up abruptly. “I’m gonna head out,” he muttered, already turning away.
“Bucky—” you called after him, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t want to hear the emptiness in your voice, the concern that you probably didn’t even realize was there.
By the time he got home, he was suffocating under the weight of his thoughts. He slammed the front door behind him, trying to ignore the questions from the others. Inside, he climbed the stairs to his room, pacing back and forth, hands running through his hair, a desperate need to escape the thoughts that were drowning him.
“You can’t keep doing this,” he muttered to himself. “She’s gonna leave.”
It wasn’t a question. He knew it. He was pushing you away—had been for weeks now—but he couldn’t stop. The thought of you getting too close, the thought of you seeing all the parts of him that were still broken, terrified him.
He grabbed his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he reached your name. His thumb hovered over the call button for a moment, the fear of rejection tightening his chest. But the ache in his chest—the one that felt like it would tear him apart if he didn’t do something—drove him to press it.
"Need me already?" you teased when you answered, your voice low, almost playful, like nothing was wrong.
Normally, that would’ve made him smirk, would’ve made him feel alive. But tonight, all it did was break him a little more. “Can we talk?” His voice was quieter than he intended, a mixture of fear and longing.
There was a long pause. “Talk?”
“Yeah. Talk.” Bucky's grip tightened on the phone. “Please. I need to talk to you.”
You hesitated. “Okay. Now?”
“Yeah. Now.”
When you knocked on his door, Bucky opened it before you could even raise your hand a second time. He was shaking, nerves and fear clashing inside him. “Hey,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“Hey,” you answered softly, your gaze immediately scanning his face for any sign of what was wrong.
“Come in,” Bucky said, stepping aside.
The two of you sat on the couch, the space between you thick with all the things unsaid. Bucky fiddled with the sleeve of his jacket, his heart hammering in his chest as he tried to find the words that would make everything clear.
Finally, the silence broke, Bucky’s voice raw as he said, “I can’t do this anymore.”
Your eyes widened in surprise. “What?”
“This,” Bucky gestured between the two of you, his chest tightening. “I can’t keep pretending it’s enough. I can’t keep waking up alone. I can’t keep watching you walk out of here. I want more.” His voice cracked. “I want you.”
Your breath caught, but Bucky was already going on, the words tumbling out faster than he could control them. “I want to know you—your hopes, your fears. I want to be there for you. I want to wake up next to you and not feel like you’re just going to disappear the next morning. I want to be with you, really with you. I want to be… yours.”
There was a sharp intake of breath, and then the silence between you both felt unbearable. His words hung in the air, fragile and vulnerable. You blinked, eyes filling with tears, and before Bucky could say anything else, you leaned forward and kissed him.
It was soft, tentative, but there was a depth to it—something that neither of you had allowed before. When you pulled back, your foreheads resting together, Bucky searched your eyes, still unsure.
“Does that mean…” he whispered, the question hanging in the air.
You nodded, a tear slipping down your cheek. “I want more too. I want you.”
Bucky let out a long breath, relief flooding through him as he pulled you into his arms, holding you close, as if you might disappear if he didn’t. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel broken. He felt whole. Maybe mornings wouldn't be so bad after all.
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tired-teacher-blog · 23 days ago
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You were joking, teasing him to be precise, just a playful ruse you thought of testing with your boyfriend, but definitely did not expect for things to end up the way they did when you slurred the words between enticing giggles :
_ "Kirishima is seriously hot, ah! I envy whoever has the chance to be with him."
Yeah, you definitely did not expect what happened afterwards.
_ "You wanna repeat that?" Bakugou's grip on your wrists tightened as he pushed you onto the cushiony sofa, a furious look in his eyes and a scowl plastered across his face.
_ "Yeah, I mean he's handsome, nice, cool, every girl's dream hunk." you knew you were playing a dangerous game, one that you'd surely lose, but pushing his buttons seemed strangely entertaining.
Kirishima is truly a formidable hero and a dear friend whom you've always looked up to, sure, but that's it, you have no feelings above admiration for the man, because the only person you've ever loved is the one glaring at you right now.
_ "Stop it, this isn't funny!" it kind of was though, because beyond that enraged expression of his, lied something else that was yet to be deciphered.
_ "Are you mad or something?" you bit down on your lip to stifle a sneaky giggle, and watched as he visibly struggled with his thoughts.
He's never been one to be rendered speechless, but there he was, shaking in rage as the wheels were turning in his head.
_ "Is this your way of breaking up with me?" he carefully uttered after a moment of silence, sharp expression morphing to almost a grieving one.
This man is academically brilliant and incredibly skillful in battle since his school days, a gifted child that has become one of the best pro heroes in the world, a prodigy indeed. That being said, you've come to realize over the years of knowing him how tragically lacking he is when it comes to social cues, and this cruel little joke of yours was further proof of that.
_ "What?! No of course not! What are you saying?!" you immediately regretted your tasteless trick and adopted a similar expression to his, struggling under his brute force as he squeezed your wrists tighter.
He remained silent afterwards, as if granting you the opportunity to explain yourself further, and for that you were grateful.
_ "It was only a joke Katsuki I promise, please don't take it too seriously.. you know you're the only one I love and want to be with, right?" you spoke in a much softer tone than the playful one of earlier, your eyes reflecting the depth of your feelings for this man.
_ "You mean that? Because I swear I'll blow him up to pieces if you're serious about what you just said!" he growled almost menacingly, but there was also a hint of vulnerability lurking in his gaze.
You giggled softly and nodded your head before replying, "I mean it Katsuki, that was just a stupid joke and nothing more."
_ "Then say it again, say that you love me, I want to hear it again." he moved his face closer to yours, his crimson eyes reflecting an intensity that pierced your soul.
_ "I love you Katsuki, just you and no one else." your expression softened as you replied in a whisper, and you could feel his body relax and his grip on your wrists loosen slightly after hearing your words.
_ "Again, say it again." he demanded huskily, his fingers traveling from your wrists to thread with your own.
Your heart fluttered in your chest, seeing his usually carefully concealed vulnerability out in the open, and couldn't help but repeat the words, "I love you.. I love you more than you know Katsuki.."
He leaned in to capture your lips in a searing kiss, pouring all of his unspoken emotions into it, and you melted in the sensation of his mouth moving slowly against yours in a rhythmic dance that left you tingling all over.
He leaned back slightly, eyes heavy and lips quirked in a satisfied smirk as he observed your flustered state, "good.. and now it's my turn to show you how much I love you.."
You opened your mouth to speak, but a squeal escaped instead as he scooped you up in his arms and strode towards your shared bedroom with purposeful steps..
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