#and keep everything normal its fine !! everythings fine! things are normal and this is how it should be and its probably my fault everythin
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[CCCC FIC] Contains: Platonic Soul, Heart and Mind, Pet regression, [~4,000 words]
Stressed petre!Mind + Caregivers Soul & Heart! From the request "s.so. so puppy mind after a stressful day with heart and soul as caregivers,," Mind can't complete its normal nightly schedule, and gets super stressed because of that... Luckily, Soul and later Heart help him relax :]
Fic under cut! or on AO3
It was hard to understate how much of Mind's, and really all three of their, mental state was linked to their physicality. Sometimes, this worked in his favor. Indeed, today was one of those days, at least, he'd thought it was.
If it tried to ignore all the strife and focus entirely on getting things done, it could set aside... most of the annoyances. His body was more machine than flesh at this point, and any phantom pains could easily be ignored for the Whole. He didn't want to disappoint his Soul [or his Heart], after all.
It wasn't thinking today was a good day now, curled up in bed, an hour before it'd regularly turn in for the night. He had started lagging earlier in the day, but had decided against slowing down his usual schedule; if he was feeling bad, that just meant the whole was having more intensive thoughts and needed him more than ever. Rest was not an option.
This had gotten him only though most of his routine, but, annoyingly, he couldn't get done with his last step. Every night, he'd read for about an hour before bed. This usually helped him wind-down and get relaxed and into the proper headspace, but his head was too scattered. That really was the last nail in the coffin.
He could stand an increased workload, the impending dread that something was Wrong, but his schedule... God, he didn't even know why he was so stressed out. He'd finished everything actually important, had finished everything that would actually help the three of them. The only thing he couldn't get to was some frivolous wind-down time, truly pathetic that that was what had done him in.
To add to this horrible mess, he couldn't even get to sleep. There was a buzzing under his skin, a restlessness he couldn't shake. He wanted to move. He also very much Didn't want to move.
A knock at his door startled him out of his curled up ball on his bed. He grunted an acknowledgement, hoping they wouldn't come in. He was... not presentable. He knew he'd probably be mean and unsociable, and that would just get so tiresome when it made the other, whoever it was on the other side of the door, inevitably got annoyed with him.
Apparently that wasn't enough for them, [figures, he was never enough.] because the door creaked open. It was Soul.
"Mind...?"
He turned away with a growl, hoping Soul would get the message. It was not in the mood.
"You okay man?"
Clearly, it didn't. Figures, Soul could never mind his own business.
"Yes. I'm... Fine." The words were slow and stilted, like it was pulling teeth.
Even without looking, he could tell his host was narrowing its eyes at him. The bed dipped with extra weight; Soul had sat down at the bed's foot. He was just getting ready to tell him to fuck off when he felt a hand reach over and settle on his forehead. Oh. Soul was in a touchy mood today. [Those were always nice days.] Maybe it could... wait a little bit, before kicking him out. Just a few moments, of course.
"Not too warm or hot... I guess, if you're sure you're fine, I could leave." Soul had become a bit of a worrywart in concord, caught up in attempting to make sure everything was running smoothly. Still, it backed off if one of them started getting snappy. a good call, because usually, Mind found the mother-henning kind of annoying [it was, after all, the one supposed to be keeping things in order. Any more than the base worry started feeling suffocating.]
Today, however... the idea didn't seem too bad. It was selfish to consider, because it knew it was liable to lash out like this. That wouldn't be a good ending for any of them, for Mind to snap at Soul only trying to help. Still, the temptation.
"No."
"You want me to leave?"
"No." It growled, frustrated with its inability to talk clear and the fact Soul misunderstood. God this was already getting it angry; this was definitely a bad idea.
It rolled over until it was back to facing Soul, squinting a bit at how light it was; his dear host had left the door open, and the hallway light was on. Annoying. Worth it though, because he could push against Soul's side, making it very clear he didn't want him to leave.
"Okay, okay, I get the message." Soul giggled. His hand gently carded through Mind's hair, "Think you could tell me what's wrong? Sick, tired, stressed-"
Mind nodded at the last one, careful not to dislodge Soul's hand, before contemplating for a second and holding up two fingers for the second option: he was also pretty tired. Soul's eyes softened a bit at that, drooping in the corners [reminding it of the portraits of Him Soul hadn't covered up].
"Want some help relaxing?" the words were a tad hesitant, and they were paired with gentle hands sliding behind his ears [something it leaned into easily. Again, touchy days were Always the best.] It didn't sound like it knew if it should be offering and it took Mind a moment to realize, exactly, what it was suggesting; usually he was the one asking, albeit awkwardly, if Soul could look after him while regressed. Even then, Mind hadn't really done it much...
It nodded, after a few silent moments weighing the pros and cons. It didn't have to talk, or make any decisions, or do any work, and it could just have Soul dote over it... it figured it had done enough productive work to earn itself some pampering. Probably. Maybe. Anyway, Soul was offering; to not take the opportunity would be... illogical.
Seeming satisfied with the confirmation, Soul pulled away. Before Mind could get snippy and whiney about it, he quickly explained himself, "just getting your stuff... unless you want to do it without it?"
That was logical enough, still a bummer though. It just huffed, "Fine."
His host rolled its eyes at him, but made quick work of sorting through Mind's drawers and pulling out its collar, along with its dog themed socks and gloves. He made a quick detour to the door to close it as well. [Much to Mind's gratitude. The room was now lit by a slightly dimmed light: pleasant.]
Mind didn't really have much he did with regression, so new to it; Soul easily kept track of everything it did, usually the one with him during. He was back in moments. Still, the sun took each item from its host to put on itself; it had already submitted itself to enough vulnerability, it could put on its own socks.
Now finally ready, and already feeling the tiniest bit better, it felt all the antsy-ness and over-energy come back with force. The buzzing underneath its skin was getting hard to ignore. He hoped Soul would be fine with a more playful session than usual.
"Now who's my good puppy?" Soul cooed hands reaching out to cup its face, like, well, one would do with a puppy. It wasn't really a puppy just yet, but the sweet words usually let it fall into it more easily. While definitely a tad embarrassed, it relaxed almost instantly into him. It knew it would feel great once the first little bump was gotten over. Just needed to let go a little [a Lot].
"Good boy!"
It shifted a little further into him, letting itself fall almost into his lap, nodding. Talking always got a bit hard like this, and it was already having a difficult time beforehand. That was fine though, his Soul was definitely expecting it.
"Want to play, or nap, Apollo?"
Oh the nickname was definitely the last straw; he was wholly in puppy-space now. It wanted to play, and it let him know with a playful yip and pushing its full weight into him; wrestling was always its favorite.
Not expecting the switch to such loud enthusiasm, Soul staggered a bit and nearly fell over when Mind bowled into him. He chuckled a little, hands gently pushing at its shoulders to get it off of him.
"Sorry puppy, I'm not the most into contact sports," he summonsed a chew-toy, characterized like all his summoned objects by a solid red color, "Wanna tug-a-war instead?"
Well, it wanted to wrestle, but... whatever; tug-a-war could probably be just as fun. Grabbing onto the toy, it gave a harsh tug.
With that, the game was on; Soul made sure not to pull too hard, not wanting to hurt Mind's jaw or teeth, but Mind had no such reservations. It growled around the toy, teeth sinking in further than it probably should let them. It could let out way more of that nervous energy it had had throughout the day like that though.
Soul didn't seem that happy with its disregard for propper safety, "Hey! Drop it boy, drop it."
Normally it would heed the call, it always adored the way Soul would coo soft praises when it did as he asked, but today it needed to get out these feelings. Shaking his head like a dog, it gave another sharp jerk at the toy. Its teeth hurt for a moment, probably why Soul let go.
Later it would recognize letting go as not an unsound decision, [Mind's jaw Had hurt for just a moment before Soul released the pressure, and it definitely would have hurt more if Soul Hadn't let go.] but in the moment it just went flying backwards and off the bed, hitting the floor with a loud thump and whine. The fall was onto carpet, and didn't even hurt that much, but the betrayal certainly did.
He heard a muffled "shit" overhead, but that was quickly ignored in favor of whining as loudly and pathetically as possible. This sucked, its back Kind of hurt, and Soul had just been incredibly horribly mean to it. That was such a mean way to win tug-a-war, cruel and unusual! Everyone in a fifty-foot radius Needed to know that. Immediately.
Soul was on the floor with him in an instant, cooing soft words and shushing gently, like that would earn him forgiveness for what he'd done. [It Did forgave him, but Soul didn't need to know that!] Its tantrum was definitely stressing Soul out more than the fall hurt it, but that serves him right! Being mean to a puppy is crime punished ten-fold.
It seems it’s wailing had gained it more than just Soul’s frantic attention; loud footsteps echoed from the hallway. Heart, probably, but in the minuscule off chance it wasn’t, it shoved itself right into Soul’s unprepared lap. He could make up for being so mean to it by protecting it from any monsters that may or may not exist. [That was definitely why he went into its lap, and not because Soul was very comfortable.]
The door creaked open yet again, and Heart peaked in. “Everything okay in here? I heard a thud and ah, a lot of noise.”
Soul was quick to answer, “ah, yes. Everything is fine. Mind just took a bit of a tumble.”
As if to accentuate this Mind let out a little whimper, needing Heart to know he was having the worst time in the world [or well- it was actually having a rather nice time, but it was ignoring that]. The moon would have sympathy, wouldn't he?
Heart seemed to need a second to realize what that sound was, and when he did he let out a little giggle. “Do we have a puppy in here?”
They didn’t wait for Soul’s “yeah” before going on, closing the door behind them. With a few directions from their host, he settled down on the floor beside the two of them. “Mind if I join you two?” The question seemed mostly in jest, Heart had already sat down next to the two of them, but there was an underlining genuinity.
Mind heard none of this, and was warring between two decisions: one, stay in Soul’s lap [rather awkward, because it hadn’t been prepared for him to just crawl on,] or jump at Heart and see if he wanted to play wrestle. Soul was very warm, and past a bit of squiring, pretty comfortable, and had even started giving it pets, but Heart would probably take him up on the offer of wrestling…
The two had moved on in conversation while it considered its options. Soul was answering a question it didn’t catch: “I really don’t know why he’s being so loud… the fall was pretty short. Do you think it might have landed wrong?”
Heart was making considering noises, but Mind was fuming. The two having conversation overhead didn’t bother it at all [it rather liked that they didn’t expect or need it to contribute] but Soul didn’t even know why it was mad at him?
That was definitely the last straw, and it wriggled out of Soul’s gentle hold to run into Heart. He didn't bowl them over, but that was only because Heart was a brick wall compared to Mind. There was a giggle, and large arms wrapped around it in a hug. It squirmed for a moment in the hold before leaning up to lick a stripe over Heart's cheek.
This very heartfelt show of affection earned him nothing but a few snickers and getting pushed back a little. Nobody here appreciated him as much as they should. Still, he stopped whining; Heart wasn't the one who let it fall off the bed, after all.
"I think Mind was just mad at you..." Heart said, shoulders shaking with silent laughter now that they'd figured Mind wasn't actually in any pain. "Was Soul being mean to you, puppy?"
"uhuh!" Mind agreed, easily. He wouldn't really say Soul was being Mean, per se. but he wanted to be mean back anyway. It usually didn't like talking like this, but it was going to make a small exception, just for this."B-bad at... playing."
It shoved its face right into Heart's chest now that it had spoken its piece, that was enough of that for now! His Heart didn't immediately react besides shift Mind into his lap more comfortably, face tucked into his neck. After a moment of adjustment, he was immediately on Mind's side; the way everyone Should be.
"Soul did you really fuck up playing so bad you made him mad at you? When he's like this?"
"Don't swear in front of it!" Soul, sidestepping the question, interjected.
There was a moment of silence, with the exception of the rhythmic thump of Mind's tail, before Heart burst out laughing. "You, my Soul-" He couldn't finish, giggling and wheezing way too hard. He tried again, "You censor yourself in front of Mind?"
[Mind knew Soul Tried, he was just very very bad at it. If he had any of the want to count he's sure its pretty high in the double digits, and they've only started doing this for a couple weeks at this point.]
"Yes! I do!"
"He's- He's still Mind. I don't think censoring swears will get it more into character either..." They considered it for a moment, like a thought had just occurred to them, "Unless you censor yourself in front of pets normally...?"
More silence, followed by breathless giggles. The sound made Mind want to laugh too, contagious. Soul didn't answer, turning away with a huff.
"Mind's not some delicate little thing like this, Soul." Heart said, turning his attention back to Mind. "isn't that right buddy? You're a big dog aren't you?"
Mind nodded against Heart's chest, giddy at the praise. It liked where this was going, quite a lot.
"Wanna show him how to really play?" His Heart gently shoved him off their lap and grinned down at it, sharp teeth on display. "Know you like wrestling, Apollo."
It lets out a happy yip, wasting no time in engaging in the fun. The two are grappling around the floor in moments, Soul's surprised yelp background noise.
Heart was always fun, never missing the opportunity to stress out Soul or let Mind have some more rough playtime. Not to say they were it’s favorite… just that, sometimes, maybe Mind preferred their treatment to Soul’s.
Like now! Tumbling about the carpet hit the exact itch Soul couldn’t. There was action, loud and aggressive, and it could really get its adrenaline pumping. Best yet, Mind could just let itself sink into it all without having to worry about things going south. The others would never hurt I a puppy, after all.
The thought brought on another wave of giddiness, and it threw its weight at Heart with rendered vigor, finally pinning him to the ground. Victory was his, at last!
Heart didn’t struggle much, a bit out of breath and mostly happy Mind seemed satisfied. At least, that's what it thought. “Ahh how terrible, to be bested by this awful beast…”
[Mind preened at that, for it Was an awe inspiring creature.]
His Hearts mouth turned into a sly little smile, before he was curling up with a lunge and grabbing Mind in a hug, warm and constricting, but not too tight. He laughed, big and loud and exaggeratedly evil, “or so you thought!”
It squeaked and squirmed and made a big show of Not wanting to be caught, but didn’t actually struggle too badly. Playtime had tired it out a little, and it was definitely not at 100% beforehand. Not a good mix for a puppy… Plus how awfully nice it was to be in Heart's arms? He didn't stand a chance.
Yawning, it let it’s chin hook over Heart’s shoulder, attempts to escape his arms short lived and abandoned. The moon was very very warm, one of the many things that made him such an appealing caretaker. How could it not adore someone so warm and snuggly.
There was a concerned noise behind it, and it could feel it’s ears perking up, trying to figure who it was. Soul, [obviously [there were only the three of them here, after all] but it liked having to puzzle it out. Smooth and angelic, with a hint of static, of course that was his Soul.] tinged with only a hint of worry, “was he too rough?” It asked him, before quickly changing gears to address Heart, “It looks tired.”
“It looked like it had too much energy when I got here, just tired it out enough for bed.” Heart’s easy response, self-assured. His grip tightened around Mind and he shifted it a little, like a man presenting a fish they’d caught, “worked like a charm!”
Mind only struggled a little bit at the handling, but rather liked it. There was just something so pleasant about being… a prize. Observed and adored and pampered like a treasure, but any contributions it offered were incidental to it, the machinations of another. Mind could just doze off in Heart’s arms and the soft cooing just came rolling in! It was living the dream.
Soul made a considering sound but didn’t fight him further. It tapped Mind’s shoulder to gain his attention. It to glanced back, eyes already half-lidded and tired from the adrenaline rush of its game ending so quickly.
“Mind…? Want to go to bed a puppy?” His hand was already hooked under its collar, ready to take it off. Usually the sessions weren’t so close to the time it turned in for the night [Mind liked having its before-sleep reading time], and it usually liked to get out of puppy-space an hour or two before bed. Soul probably assumed it wanted out before getting to sleep.
Mind growled, the sound at odds with its earlier good mood. What would have been a squeaky puppy growl on anyone else came out deep and crackling from the sun.
Soul pulled his hand back, palms free, “easy puppy! Was just a suggestion.” Heart was laughing at him.
Satisfied its point came across, it nodded. Going to bed actually did sound pretty nice right now…
Heart seemed to sense its thoughts, because he lifted it off the ground as he stood, gently setting it back on its bed. Like an evil creature that fed off of only suffering, however, he did Not crawl in bed with it.
Letting out a loud whine, it stared between Soul and Heart with a wide eye, glassy with what would be tears if it had any. It earned him a startled sound from Soul, “I thought you were enjoying cuddling with Heart…?” And Heart’s feigned resignation, “well… I guess I have too,”
It turned away from Heart with an annoyed huff. He should’ve been grateful and humble! Not resigned; Mind was a wonderful puppy, to cuddle with him was a gift, or a burden. Eyes drifting right over him to look at Soul instead, it gave a few paws at the air, tying to get him closer without Actually getting out of bed. He let out a laugh, a little indulgent, crawling in bed with it. "Fine, but only if you take off that collar. We don't want it poking you in your sleep, right?"
It huffed, annoyed at the fact Soul was right. Getting pricked in the neck by it's spiky, crown-shaped tag seemed like a recipe for discomfort though, so it presented its neck. Soul made quick work of removing the collar and it wasted no time in tucking itself into his side when he was done. Soul was still moving around a bit, putting the collar on the bedside table and getting comfortable in Mind's bed, but it was still nice.
"Am I still expected to join in?" Heart asked from behind, though he didn't sound too dejected anymore. "Or have I been rejected from the cuddle pile."
Mind considered shooing him away, but ultimately the idea of cuddling both its Heart and Soul sounded too nice. [And maybe.. it didn't like the idea of excluding its Heart from all the fun.] It made sure not to wriggle out of Soul's arms but it did wave him over with its free arm.
His Heart let out an amused sound, "Am I not even worth turning around for?" but crawled in bed beside it anyway, squishing it between themself and Soul. It arched its back a bit, so it could press against both its thirds, earning another amused noise and arms wrapping around it.
Its host didn't really cuddle back, but he did let it snuggle up against his side. His Heart, seeming to have discarded all his feigned reluctance, holding it close to his chest in a firm hug.
All in all, it was perfect. It almost forgot about what had stressed it out, tomorrow would probably be similarly difficult...It tucked itself closer, face shoved into the cook of Soul's neck.
This earned him a concerned coo from its host, "What's wrong buddy?"
Even after all that, it still wasn't in the mood for talking. It just shook its head, wanting to ignore the problem and focus on cuddling. Soul's hand lifted to its hair, lightly scratching its scalp. From behind, Heart cooed little comforts into its ear. The two working in tandem to distract it from its worry.
Soul could never leave well enough alone though, and asked anyway. "Was it what got you so stressed in the first place...?"
It nodded, hesitant. Soul probably wouldn't be dropping this unless it admitted that much, at least. His visible eye softened at that, "Don't worry about that. We can help you out with whatever it is tomorrow, okay?"
That actually sounded pretty nice... It didn't know how much help the two could actually be in the things it normally did, but even the knowledge that they would try was... appealing. Comforting. The thought of tomorrow didn't seem so stress inducing with the two of them around it.
It could feel itself relaxing back into their embrace, the stress lining its figure draining. Its eyes drooped further, the lack of worry and warm bodies around it making it difficult to stay awake. It tried to keep its eyes open though, it wanted to enjoy this. It wasn't common for the three of them to get together like this, warm and safe and without any argument.
One of them, and at this point it couldn't tell who, gently shushed it, "Go to sleep buddy, we'll be here tomorrow."
That was the last thing it heard before the world went dark, the need to rest winning out. Maybe... this wouldn't be the last time they did this.
#cccc#cj#chonny jash#chonnys charming chaos compendium#cj mind#cccc mind#cj heart#cccc heart#cj soul#cccc soul#petre#sfw petre#pet regression#sfw pet regression#jbird's art#jbird's fiction
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ai is just so fucking bleak man it makes me want to end it all...
taking everything joyful about life... everything i ever wanted or loved or hoped for... and not just that, everything else too... no job is safe... the only way i can go on is to pretend it doesnt exist and just keep creating and trying as we always have done it haha but meanwhile it just keeps getting worse and im filled with sickening dread... the only hope I have is that people will continue to stick together and protect each other even as ai tries to destroy and take everything from us and our identity and our joy sorry to sound poetic and pretentious but i just need to get the vent out. its bleak man.
#im being vague bc im embarrassed to specify more but it just... the future seems so bleak bc of ai#and... this is just one small thing#everything about the current world and the future looks bleak to me#the only way i can keep going on is if i pretend everything is fine and the same as how it was#but the fact that i can even manage to do that shows my immense privilege#vent#delete later#sidenote i havent been glazing or art shielding my art (i never tried glaze)#because i just... i give up man. like im in denial. i want to just pretend like i can post it like normal and itll be ok#i want to blindly trust#its the same w me posting my art and blindly trusting that ppl wont repost#except ai is much worse than reposting....#ha... the only meager protection ive been doing#is watermarking but not even obtrusively#and posting at a lower res (but ive been posting higher res on here...)#hhaaa... i want ppl to be able to see my hard work and tbe colors#and artshield makes tbe colors ugly#cries#unrelated but i feel like ive been estranged from my friends lately too#so thats prob also contributing to why i feel so sad#im too old to be having a tantrum like this but isnt this what blogs like tumblr r for? so i can vent here instead of irl... ha ha
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ocd rly sucks sometimes bc i swear my paranoia just shoots me in the foot with my personal life so bad
#its like this weird combo of anxiety and favorite personing#that makes me fixate on if one specific person whos opinion i care about#like hates me or not#i currently am struggling to shake a specific paranoid delusion that cropped up last night#even tho its....... SOOOOOO unlikely#but even still#its the kind of thing if id just like#get out of my own head. would probably be fine#like#so fucking often#i just wish i could act normal enough around people to not care#its like i feel like i hide my true self from the people i want to be real with the most#and im like man if i was just acting like. normal/chill we'd be best buddies and everything would be fine#but instead i have to be fucking insane#its just hard and weird and complicated bc im so used to keeping things secret and to myself and not being able to explain things#i dont even know how to fucking talk to people sometimes#i just want to make real ass friends man#why is this so hard
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the anxiety is all consuming
#teamcasper#i cant wait for my meds to start doing shit i want to be a normal guy so bad#im supposed to start a 40 hour work week this week and i dont know if im physically or mentally capable of that#and imr eally stressed abt it bc i dont want to be fired but if i get sick from working to much i will be fired if i call out#soooo ^_^#but im like . really good at talking myself out of starting conversations bc i dont like talking to ppl abt specific things w/o making a#script for myself so i know what i want to say and how i want to say it even though i definitely dont need that most of the time#i havent been able to sleep well the past few days im losing it okay !! <3#crying sobbing i want to be normal i keep crying remembering everything and i am so worn out and overwhelmed by everything#but its fine im gonna be fine and okay i just need to not throw up and remember to take pain killers when my head hurts !!!!!!!!!!!!!
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hmm. talking with one of my friends sends me into an indescribable rage. strange.
#vent#nothing in particular its just me not having boundaries and having to try really hard to come up with some#but the problem is also beyond that in that i just dont like the person#so i keep getting caught up in the back and forth between “is this a suitable boundary”#“or is this just a sign that says ”leave me alone“ in cursive?”#and i cant avoid or leave this person because life situation reasons so im just kind of stuck#feeling like theyre being invasive and taxing (because they are) and that im being petty and cruel (which i might be)#tumblr is not the place for it but i just need to write it out#and the thing is theyre a fine person!! we get on quite well normally!! but theres just so. many. problems. all. the. time.#'if everythings an emergency then nothings an emergency' i guess but that doesnt make the constant crisises any easier#i dont know. im probably being normal and theyre being over dependent but when you keep seeing things like#“friends are meant to help friends” “you should just communicate if you have problems” “be mindful of how you treat others”#it just sends my anxiety spiralling up even more#or maybe theyre being normal expecting a normal friendship and i have independence issues!!! i cant tell!!! ahhhhh!!;#rant over#dont reblog#just need to get this out
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thinking abt byler with their dog watching a movie on the couch all snuggled up in some blankets (plural, bc will hogs them & leaves mike to freeze to death [will rejects these slanderous claims, says mike's being a big baby]).. their dog's got its head in mike's lap and his feet against will's ribs in the weirdest most endearing position ever that cannot possibly be comfortable And Yet. mike scratches n rubs the little mongrel's chest n asks him if he's enjoying their boys night. This Is Real n True
#mike didn't exactly Want the dog as much as will did bc he never had any mammal pets growing up#but will was rly determined to keep going to the shelter until they found their match#n this one totally fucking like . imprinted on will or smth mike SWEARS bc he was so so sooooo happy to see will#it's a little joke between them at first tht its will's dog n mike loves how much it loves will bc even though he Knows#theyre safe and okay and everything is Fine and Normal now#he still has tht underlying thread of fear n nervousness in him tht this little ball of fur soothes n unspools#and he says its will's dog but oh man.... tht thing LOVES mike#presses its snout against his calf when he's all stressed n brings him his favorite toy when the vibes are off and cuddles with him etc#the duffers got rid of chester without a word and now im determined to keep his spirit alive#u r real to ME chester u will always be Real n live on in my gay heart .....#love writing tags on mobile bc i cant see shit re what i jus wrote so i jus have to hope n pray i was coherent . anyway <3
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morgott makes me so sad and angry
#er#WHEN you are so instinctively horrified of change that you do everything in your power to stop anything from happening#and end up causing so much more suffering in the long run :-)#an 'omen' meaning a foreboding sign for the future#and him being born probably towards the end of the erdtree's peak of abundance as a sign of things about to change drastically#being disappeared just to be granted an un fucking believable amount of power and privilege and he uses it to wall everything off#and keep everything normal its fine !! everythings fine! things are normal and this is how it should be and its probably my fault everythin#is changing but look im trying to make it not change!! please dont hate me or curse me etc etc#FUCK YOU VIDEO GAME
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I need to work on my house more soon or i am literally going to lose my fucking mind. I cant live here forever
#my mother is unstable and childish. and we get along fine 80% of the time bc i know how to not trigger a hissy fit#but when i do watch the fuck out. decided to go car camping last night on a whim and now that im back shes in a royal fucking tear#just a control freak. hates when i go off and do things on my own#meanwhile i am literally just doing everything i possibly can to keep my own mental health stable. a losing battle lately#the loneliness is familiar but its like a permanent black hole in the center of me sucking my sanity into it#i use work + my coworkers as a fix through the week but then i emotionally crash hard on the weekends when im alone#i know how to manage myself by now so i dont spiral like i used to but i cant do that and babysit my fucking parents as well#if i mention finding land to put my house on it sets her off as well. ill be 23 this year id like to get a life at some point before i die#anyways blah blah another vent post. ill normal up on tuesday when i go back to work i prommy
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oh the places we would be as a society if people stopped saying 'this thing is fake and stupid because it doesn't work for me/doesn't apply to me' and acknowledged that things can work for others even if they don't work for you (your experiences aren't universal dear god when will we all learn that just give alternatives without bashing something)
#dan talks#Vagueposting but the person who rb the post that annoyed me isnt a mutual#So its fine they wont see it#It was tone tag bashing btw#'omg so stupid i didnt get what gen meant for ages it helps no one' SHUT UP#shut UP SHUT UP it helps me and my friends (some yes some no)#Why are YOU the arbiter of Correct accessibility just shut up if u cant be normal abt things#That help others and not u#'this harmed and confused me so its Bad' tell ur friends not to use them w u!!#And as for strangers#Stop expecting them to use exactly what u want and need when something else works in their circles#Or for them#Is it SO hard to just say 'hey this works for some but not all. Heres an alternative if it doesn't work for u'#But no lets just keep on screaming on the internet abt how everything sucks#So tired so tired leave ppl who do no harm alone. Why must all notions start by hating on someone
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so i will write hcs on this later but i write my stelle as very comedy relief protag who doesnt know whats going on BUT i want to lay out scenes within the game that actually had her react seriously in a way that fits her narrative as this person who was chosen as a vessel out of nowhere and nobody knows what to do with her or say to her about it.i have a few in mind already but i think laying that out will be a good foundation for what genuinely sets her off
#shes a fun character for me because shes very easy to start trouble with while not being malicious#*looks at kat and sue and mythra* sorry.#but also i think it makes those serious moments hit so much harder#like every ka.fka scene just keeps making her more and more angry about her situation and what little she knows about it#i legit played her after the interrogation scene as a lot angrier than i normally do#also shes often treated pretty unfairly and while thats the comic relief funny answers talking i think#its not unrealistic for them to not listen to her when she expresses she wants to stop or go home#because she expresses these things in a way that feels like a joke#especially with the timing#but the problem is that she means almost everything she says so when you're told no to taking a break or getting rest#getting food over and over and over again that leaves a bad taste#girl doesnt even have a room on the express QGFHWHDJ#she's normally fine i think her defense mechanism is to shut down and be her usual monotone about everythjnf#but considering how much shes goin thru and how shes probably gonna die on every planet#i think shes allowed to snap sometimes#OOC.#tbd
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computer define underdog
#bluebird.txt#google search how to explode my brain with hammers to reset into a functional normal person#how fucking hadd is it to be perfect it's not that hard. you just have to do everything!#but you can never do everything. sometimes you can't even do one fucking thing.#and time moves forward so quickly. go back i didn't do it right. i need to try again. i can be perfect this time i promise.#and i can't but i can and then i can't again but i can't but i can't BUT ITS NOT THAT HARD#HOW HARD COULD IT POSISBLY FUCKING BE!!!!!!#just do it. it's not hard you can just od it. if's not rhat hRd.#JUST FUCKING DO IT#but you can't. even though it's so fucking easy. look at everyone around you doing it and they don't give half as many shits as you do#you're fighting for your fucking life tryi to come out on top and everyone's on too sipping their drinks complaining that it's a little hot#today#what i would give to feel like it was easy. what i constantly give that never feels like enough#but i will say#one of the nicest things anyone ever said to me#was my professor telling me ghat a grad student told her they wished they'd been like me when they were younger#and another two grad students just last week going out of their ways to tell me i did a good job#when that 'good job' felt so shitty i went to the bathroom to suck in my tears bc my day still wasn't fucking over#life is never over it just keeps going and you get up and you get up and you keep going and it's hard and annoying and i'll never be perfec#and i don't think i'll ever- apart from those brief glimpses people give me of what they truly think- ever see myself. i can only ever see#the mirror#or the inside of my eyes#but i'll never see myself as i am#so maybe i don't have to freak oht?#maybe i should just sleep#time to go listen to vienna and cry more maybe#i'm fine. i'm just tired and lazy and tirada en mi cama and can't reach my journal from here. el oh el.#save me help me. i want to feel peace. i can't wait to be older. i can't wait to find my way.#please.
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doesn't he see that i'm falling apart without him? doesn't anyone notice that i'm absolutely drowning in my own head? doesn't anyone care about me, or was it all me caring about them, and entirely one way?
i thought my friend would at least care more than this. maybe i'm hallucinating everything and nothing is actually happening. maybe it doesn't even fucking matter what's happening to me.
i think i'm ready to leave now. but even as i say that, it's not true at the same time. someone help me please.
#r^2#ive been trying to keep it all inside and not talk to anyone about it#partially to see if anyone actually gives a shit and partially to avoid bothering anyone i love#both of which are kinda abusive as fuck but its fine#but ever since he left and moved stores everything has gone to shit#i dont know what to do#i dont know how to handle this anymore while staying clean#im not coping anymore#i have to live with myself forever? i dont want myself around forever#i just want to be fucking normal and feel normal things#i just want to be enough
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this got away from me
#i wish i was a rich pretty guy or something but instead im a regular looking regular guy with parents that earn regular money#i was born to be one of those annoying bratty rich kids who dont work ever. that should be me#or something. i complain about work constantly but guys i do not want to go to school. i dont. i dont. i dont i dont. i dont i dont and i#dont know what to do about it. its spring. ive got like a month to figure out how im getting out of this#im not doing this i cannot do this. i cant i cant i cant. im so stressed i can tell im so stressed bc im getting acne and my eczema is awfu#its only a matter of time before i break out in hives or some shit i cant do it i cant do it. i cant. i cant#god everything is really getting to me. i cant i dont have a place here i dont i have no purpose in life and everyone just wants me to act#like. thats not true bc um. well! haha what are you gonna do! haha its fine. keep moving forward. ignore your anxiety and the fact that#everything makes you miserable constantly. and even the things that make you happy make you miserable. ignore that#go to college. normal ppl go to college :) no you want to sleep all day because youre not doing anything. which is a personal failure.#you should instead do something that makes you miserable. thatll fix it. dont kill yourself thats stupid. you have so much to live for! lik#um. well youre supposed to live. so. ignore yknow everything in the world and push forward. bc it will get better! once um.#um. yknow. you graduate in 8 years? be a dentist…. um bc. you like teeth. and it makes money. and well you need the money! youre going to#college!!!! you need that money to pay for it after all. dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it#its okay we’ll do everything we can to make it cheaper. to do the thing you dont want to do at all even a little bit. no dont kill yourself#you have so much to live for! a career in something youve never been interested in! or yknow a different career youre not interested in#i dont want to kill myself!!! i dont want to kill myself i want something to fucking live for!!!!!! a want a life that doesnt make me feel#like i have to kill myself!!!!!!!!!!#simons spouting#vent :(#suicide //
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It's so funny that the ultra intellectuals on this site are always so bitchy about ppl just having fun with stuff and not really caring about literary criticism or hyper analyzing themes bc "everything and anything means something if youre smart", but then when ppl do look into themes and motifs they're instantly like: hey actually that media is just objectively bad :/ like it's kinda awful and youre making things up to justify you liking the thing :// no it's not bad morally it's just a bit shit and cringe ://// have you considered watching something actually intellectually stimulating? :)
like dude, youre just a film bro at this point get off your high horse
#coming from a guy who subsists on a diet of cute girls doing things anime and other things that seem 'mindless'. i am tired#like. yeah commonly I dont talk about the literary analysis side of things. but that's not because I don't care#its just. i keep that shit up in the brain bc it usually only means something to me. Literary analysis to me is like that bc i can't pry-#myself away from how I interpret things. it's just sorta personal#and im fine with that bc i don't care abt looking smart. quite the opposite. i like to be seen as stupid. but i also like feeling heard#its not a competition of who's the smartest. every post you make doesn't have to sound like a monologue from yiik#stop over-compensating for the shame of being honest abt your likes by pretending everything you enjoy is good or even worth something#how does the art. in it's entirety. make you feel? in the end. thats all I care about#.... man i think i should pre-emptively take a pain killer before I sleep.. I think im abt to have my period.#god i hate being stupid and emotional im gonna go by a power drill and drill holes into the wall till i feel normal again
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any time ive been scared or paranoid about something and ppl dismissed me bc of my past but i ended up being right- those ppl owe me 100 dollars.
#i've! never! even! believed! in! the thing! the way! you think! i did!!!!!#i believed in it! the way!!! I *SAID*!!!! I DID!#STOP!!!!!!!!!!!! ASSUMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHATEVER IS MOST CONVENIENT FOR YOU! AND TREAT ME LIKE AN INDIVIDUAL#PERSON WITH INDIVIDUAL EXPERIENCES THAT AREN'T UNI-FUCKIN-VERSAL!#FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SPEAK ABOUT ME OK??????????? FUCK!#ITS YALL THAT MAKE ME WANNA PULL OUT A KNIFE AND GO CRAZY OK#IM SO CLOSE SOMETIMES W YALL ISTG.#everything could be normal n fine if ya didn't treat me like im basically a criminal all the fuckin time?????? for no fucking reason either#literally just based on what one other person said? and even if its more than one person 1. do they know me? 2. do they have proof#they actually know me? 3. are you sure its not the same person on an alt account? 4. even if its not- most of the ppl in my childhood#ALSO liked to spread rumors about me bc im someone whos quiet and ppl think that means im untrustworthy and unpredictable when#really im becoming more and more non verbal SPECIFICALLY because people keep accusing me of shit im not even fucking doing#it all starts with an 'innocent' lie#and then tumbles out of control. and now theres a version of me out there that isnt even anything like me.#but its scary enough to keep people away from me. and people act like im supposed to be strong and just brush that off as no big deal#you try living your entire life where no one ever fucking listens to you when you talk about your experiences and who you are.#and then get back to me about how im supposed to be over it already.
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Amity parkers are feral and insane
-Gothamites.
Somehow, someway, Casper high finds their selves in Gotham.
It could be a field trip or a ghost shoved them in a portal, doesn't matter, they're in Gotham.
As they arrive in Gotham, the Casper teachers decide to turn this into something educational and hire a tour guide from Gotham Academy (or was it Gotham university? I forgot) GA agrees and also Sends some of their students to partner up with the amity parkers as a sort "buddy" and to hopefully teacher em the ways of surviving in Gotham.
To the gothamites, the amity parkers look like children who have never been exposed to crime in their life, never been mugged, never been been kidnapped.
But the truth is, compared to the BS amity is used to, Gothams issues are like kindergarten.
First thing the tour guide hears when she greets Casper high Mr lancer telling them to, "Please don't walk into danger, please don't try and provoke the joker, I know he's a bitch but still. If you find yourself in a tricky situation, do not hesitate to punch yourself to freedom, but ABSOLUTELY NO CRITICAL HITs these are NORMAL people they're not like us or the ghosts, they will not survive. Please do not give phantom problems, He's already failing in class he doesn't need more problems"
Its important to keep in mind that:
amity parkers and ghosts are buddies now.
The Ambient ectoplasm gave them a form of super strength, also making it so that they are able to touch ghost.
They join the ghost brawls everyone in a while and has some wins.
Most, if not all are liminal in a way.
Everyone knows that Danny is phantom but have signed an NDA that says they aren't allowed to tell anyone who isn't a native amity parker who he is.
Things is, The gothamites don't know about this and take it as if Mr lancer and the students are underestimating Gotham. So as a from of pettiness, all the Gotham students decided to bring their amity partner to the most dangerous places they can think of.
Niky has lead sam into a park that poison ivy frequents. Of course, poison ivy is there but instead of running away in fear like niky expected, Sam runs up to ivy, complements her and joins the path of eco terrorism.
Tucker and his partner Vic finds himself in the middle of a riddler attack, locked in a room with no way out, a countdown timer with 20 secs remaining and a riddle in a computer.
Vic is panicking as he tries to figure it out, he looked to tucker for help. Tucker just shrugged and hacked the computer, not even bothering to solve the riddle. It worked and Vic is baffled and the riddler is frustrated.
Danny find himself in the hands of the joker, (his partner ran the moment joker was seen) hanging upside down on top of a large pool of acid, because, it's classic for joker. He is also being live streamed.
The teachers in GA are panicking, the bats are panicking.
Casper high teacher took one look at the stream and shrugged. "Eh, he'll be fine." They also called the number that joker has displayed on the screen, just to say, "Daniel Fenton, make sure your back before in GA 6 pm or else were leaving you to find the hotel on your own."
The time is 5:30 pm.
It takes 25 minutes to walk from Joker to GA.
Danny sighs, might as well start walking.
He uses intangibility to free himself and fall into the vat of acid.
The Gothamites are shocked and screaming, the bats are shocked. Amity parkes went "oh" and continued placing bets on how fast Danny will get back.
Danny then proceeds to swim out of the acid pool, punch the joker in the face, knocking him out in a single hit and then proceeds to casually squeeze out the acid from his Casper high "I am a proud amitian" shirt as if it's regular water.
All of this was done in 5 minutes.
All of this was caught on stream.
The Gothamites are passed out, the bats are questioning everything. Batman is searching up everything he can about acid side effects and about Danny but ends up with nothing.
The amity parkers just raised their bets even further.
Danny somehow makes it back 10 minutes late and Wes wins the bet.
#danny phantom#dc x dp#dpxdc#amity park#casper high#gotham#batman#amity parkers be like#humans are nothing compared to ghost#danny will be fine#hes phantom#batman is stressed#danny fenton
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