#and jenny Giving 0 Fucks

[repulsiveliquidation]

Did I Cross The Line? || Alexia Putellas

warnings : angst. i am not entirely happy with it but if I kept editing, it would only become worse lol. Loosely inspired by the meaning of ‘Wildflower’ by Billie Eilish.

summary : There were two people to love. Alexia could only have one.

You started off as best friends. Two peas in a pod. One never without the other. You and Alexia were never seen apart from each other. Her mother was like your mother, and vice versa. Both families were like one big one all because Alexia decided she wanted to be friends with you at 4 years old and she kicked a football at you in kindergarten. 

You cried, of course, and she got so scared when the teacher scolded her and called her mother to school for it. She sheepishly apologized and when you accepted it, she kissed your cheek where the ball smacked you. 

“Mami always kisses my booboos so they feel better faster!” 

“Really? My mami does too…” 

A football to the face was the price you paid for a girl whom you would give your life for. 

That was until Jenni came along. 

Alexia looked at her differently. It was new. She’d never been this happy in a relationship before and you could not have been happier for your best friend. 

Alexia was someone who loved her friends. She wasn’t shy to show her affection and to boldly display her feelings. You were more reserved and outwardly didn’t like it when she was being touchy. 

Deep down though, her touch brought calm to your storm. You were always anxious before games and Alexia knew this; she made sure to stand beside you and hold your hand to squeeze three times before you left the tunnel. 

Today, Alexia stood beside you in the tunnel, chatting away to Jenni who was only half listening. Your hands shook with adrenaline and fear, palms itching to reach for Alexia’s hand to calm you down. 

The kind of friend she was to you showed itself in times like these. She could feel the fear radiating off you and without even looking back at you, her hand reaches for yours and you feel your body relax and react to the heat from her palm. 

“You okay? You look pale,” she whispers, looking concerned at you. You look up at her slightly taller figure and nod, gripping her hand tighter. 

“Fine, just nervous for the big game,” you lie, hoping she didn’t see the slight bit of jealousy that creeped into your head. 

“You’ll be fine, hermana, we’ll win this.” 

You nod again, feeling sweat on your brow. She squeezes your hand three times and faces forwards, walking out while you follow. The game went smoothly and you sailed to a 3-0 win easy peasy. 

At training a few days later, you arrive at the changing room a little energized only to be met with screaming. 

You stood at the door and listened carefully, not wanting to interrupt anyone when you recognized the voice yelling her head off. 

Alexia was yelling. 

“She’s my best fucking friend, how could you make me choose?!” 

“Well, she’s all you talk about! If I wanted to know her, I would have wanted to date her instead of you!” 

“You’re not good enough for her!” 

“I’m not good enough?” Jenni laughs, “You’re the one who got rejected when told her I love you while piss fucking drunk! May I add that we were already dating at that point; I knew you loved her and not me!”

”How dare you?!” 

You hear bags being zipped and boots clamoring all over the changing room. Alexia storms out of the room and you back away from the door just in time. She doesn’t even see you standing there pretending you didn’t hear them, seeing Jenni try to run after. She, unlike Alexia, notices you standing there looking like a deer in headlights. 

“Speak of the devil,” Jenni quips mockingly, “you were listening weren’t you?” 

“You didn’t make it hard not to,” you say as you roll your eyes, pushing past Jenni to put your kit bag in your cubby and run after Alexia. 

“Ale!” You call, running through the stadium looking for your best friend. She’s sobbing in her car, crying more when you knock on the passenger window gently. The doors unlock and you quietly climb in. 

“You heard.” 

“I didn’t get there in time to hear all of it, no.”  

“Jenni’s leaving,” Alexia takes a deep breath to stop herself from crying before she continues, “and she’s asked me to come with her.” 

“Why did you say no?” 

The tears start to flow again and she cries harder, now unable to catch her breath. She grabs the steering wheel and still can’t breathe so you take her hands in yours and hope she calms like you do. 

Her panic attack exhausts her and she’s in no condition to drive. A quick text to the group chat and you’ve got both your bags in her car and are on the way to her house. She’s passed out in the passenger seat and snoring a little, still holding your hand in the center console. 

Your hand holding hers feels familiar and comfortable. You’re sure she’s passed out and can’t really feel anything but unbeknownst to you, she was quite aware of her surroundings and knew she was close to home. 

Close to you. 

You really don’t want to wake her but you’ve pulled into her driveway and can hear dogs barking so you tap on her shoulder gently. You’re tempted to kiss the back of her hand but you refrain from it, feeling the restraint tug at your heart. 

She rouses and smiles softly at you, eyes puffy and nose red. She shuffles into the house with you right behind her. 

You make yourself at home, brewing two cups of tea. It fills the house with a lovely smell of jasmine, which eases your anxiety. She takes a mug from you, eyes filling with fresh tears. Her body shakes with fear, brain in overdrive. 

She was always open with you. But this time, her lips stayed sealed. It broke your heart. 

“Alexia, talk to me,” you whisper, eyes searching for hers. She doesn’t look at you, teary eyes instead glued to the floor. 

She sips the tea and it burns her tongue, the sudden rush of pain makes the tears she was fighting with win. They stain her cheeks and reveal her true feelings. 

She loved you. 

And she has for longer than she cares to admit. 

Dating Jenni was just an attempt at denying her feelings. She loved you. But she loved Jenni too. 

It was like she was having an out of body experience. She was sitting right in front of you and she had never seen like you she did right this second. But she knew now that she did in fact see you this way. 

She looked at you differently from Jenni. She took care of you differently from Jenni. She saw you differently from Jenni. She may have loved both of you, but there was a clear difference. 

She did those things differently because she loved you differently. 

She didn’t know you felt the same. You loved Alexia too. Boy did your heart break when they first got together. You wanted to break things she got you. You couldn’t wear her clothes you had in your closet anymore. You pulled away when all you wanted to do was crawl into her skin. 

You had to lie that day at the bar. You had to break her heart. She loved someone else didn’t she? You couldn’t let her be hung up on someone like you when she had someone like Jenni begging for her attention. 

She was La Reina. Two time Ballon d’Or winner. Queen of FC Barcelona. 

You were just…you. 

“I love you!” Alexia yells; fresh hot tears stream down her face. She looked like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. There was a clear release of tension in the room and it was magical.

When her lips touched yours, there were feelings shared that could be left unsaid. Feelings only the two of you needed to know. She loved Jenni, and there was a conversation to be had tomorrow but for today, she had all that she needed to make it through the night. And quite possibly the rest of her life. 

Alexia pulled you into her lap, hands resting on your waist in a deathly grip, clearly afraid you’d just disappear into thin air. 

“I love you too,” you whispered against her lips, feeling her perfect smile adorn her face again. 

As Alexia held you in her arms the rest of the night, you realized something. You were not just…you. 

You were the girl who took a ball to the face like a champ, though it left your cheek bruised for days, all because a 4 year old was too shy to say hello. 

You were the girl who fought a boy twice your size when he tackled Alexia dangerously. 

You were the girl who walked in and out of her house like it was your own. 

You were the girl so scared of walking out onto the pitch you needed your best friend to hold your hand. 

You were the girl Alexia, from the moment she laid her eyes on you at the kindergarten playground, wanted to be friends with her entire life. 

You were wanted, needed and cherished by your best friend. But there was more, so much more left for you to uncover. 

Was the next step in your relationship a line you wanted to cross? 

“Alexia?” you asked, looking back at her. She was smiling and you felt your heart melt. But you remained steadfast. 

“Sí?”

“What are you going to say to Jenni?” 

Alexia’s smile dropped, her arms around you slacked and her face turned into fear. 

What was she going to say to Jenni? She was going to break her heart for sure but what would be the right words? Were there the right words to tell your girlfriend you loved someone else and you were only with her because you were in denial? 

The night dragged on that day, on one hand you were over the moon to have Alexia to yourself but you felt bad for Jenni who was also a close friend, knowing she was in for a day she would want over as fast as possible tomorrow. 

“Jenni, just listen to me, please!” 

“There’s nothing to listen to, you’re in love with her and not me. Moving away was a good idea, that way I won’t be a constant reminder of a barrier in your relationship,” Jenni says calmly, standing right in front of the door outside the changing room. She turns, a pained smile on her face. 

“You two deserve each other. Please don’t break her heart like you did mine.” 

Alexia asked you to wait outside and you did, trying your best not to eavesdrop like before. Jenni walks out and you can see how hard she’s trying not to cry. She sees you and sits beside you, an awkward silence in the air. There was a war going on inside you, one that made your anxiety skyrocket. You were shaking, sweat building up on your brow. You tried to hold your own hand to no avail. It was nothing like Alexia’s palm in yours. 

Jenni takes your sweaty palm and rubs the back with her other. 

“Please don’t feel like this is your fault,” she starts, looking at your hand in hers. “We were having problems from the start. She has always loved you in a way that was reserved only for you.” 

You look at her and tears of your own begin to prickle. You felt bad for her; you should be comforting her since she was the one affected by all this and yet here she was comforting you. 

“Jenni…” 

“No, please. She loved me,” she pauses, taking a deep breath, “but she loved you more. More than anything in this world. She told me she was terrified of losing you when we got together. She was always your girl. She was never mine to love.” 

Jenni stands, leaving your hand in your lap and using hers to wipe her tears. 

“She always wished I was you," Jenni says, taking a deep breath, "now she’s got her wish. I just hope she doesn't regret it.”

[shinestarhwaa]

okay babes for the prompts i got something i think you’d really like🤭

wooyoungie with 2, 3, 17, 22, 25 + 26, 30, 45, + 52, 68

i hope its not too much though

Girl you're such a freak LOL, so many of them :0

^^ this is me pretending to be shocked. I narrowed it down to one line (I used line 30) since they can only be used once but I used similar ones instead for the others! X

anyway, I hope u enjoy it babes

YOU&ME || JUNG WOOYOUNG

Genre: Smut

Pairing: Wooyoung x Fem reader

Word Count: 1.4K

Tags/Warnings: Friends to lovers AU, Non-Idol AU, biting kink, marking, hairpulling, lingerie kink, overstimulation, dirty talk, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), doggy style, missionary, namecalling (slut, whore, but its loving rlly <3), squirting, unprotected sex

Taglist: @anyamaris @a-soft-hornytiny @whatudowhennooneseesyou @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @pyeonghongrie-main @woosanbby @dreamlesswonder86 @changbinslovelylegs @jonghostie @lovjensoo @1-800-shedevil @glintneon123

ENJOY!

"I'm just saying, I'm pretty good as sex. I give you orgasms, you know," Wooyoung grinned. You threw your head back as you laughed, hair falling back.

Wooyoung watched your every move, feeling mesmerized by the way you looked. You knew Wooyoung had a thing for you by the way he always flirted with you and looked at you, but you always told him to just be friends. You knew there was no harm intended in his flirtations, so you let him.

Yet tonight the chocolate strawberries and the champagne started to sound like "I want you to fuck me all day, like every day."

"Excuse me?" He muttered. You gasped and covered your mouth. You did not just say that out loud. "Well, well, well, so that means you're finally giving in, Y/N?" "N-no, I just-"

His finger rested against your lips, shushing you. "You're not getting out of this one, Y/N, if you want me to fuck you all day long, every day, I'll be glad to do so."

Seconds later you were stumbling through his apartment, hands and lips everywhere. Suddenly he was like all you ever needed; you were a bee addicted to his nectar; the way his lips tasted drove you crazy. There was still a hint of the rich chocolate and fresh strawberry on his tongue.

''Feel what you are doing to me,'' he grunted out against your lips as he took your hand and made you palm the growing erection in his jeans. You moaned into his mouth as you kissed him again. Clothes flew off left and right and soon enough the both of you were half naked, standing in front of each other.

Wooyoung licked his lips as he looked at you in your red lingerie and many filthy thoughts played his mind. ''I cannot wait to fucking taste you, I want you coming all over my face,'' Wooyoung panted as he kissed your neck and collarbones, biting your skin. You winced and dug your nails into the flesh on his hips. ''Fuck, Wooyoung,'' you moaned. "You sound so hot moaning my name baby," he grunted.

He kissed your chest, the exposed part of your breast above your bra, biting down on it again, leaving a darkred mark. ''Fuck, bite me baby,'' you moaned as he got on his knees, facing your soft thighs. He left marks over your thighs, just biting down on them, nibbling slightly every now and then. "Is that a tattoo?" "Now's not the time Wooyoung, fuck, get a move on it."

Wooyoung got up again and removed his underwear His hard cock was nearly leaking with how horny he was, the tip red and angry. It was bigger than you would've expected it to be. You would be lying if you said you hadn't ever thought about it before, what would be inside his pants and now it was right in front of you.

His length was big, veiny and somehow gorgeous, something you had never expected yourself to think about a penis. You expected him to grab you and make you suck him off (you wanted to tho) but he laid on the bed and gestured you to come to him.

"Come on princess, I want you to sit on my face."

Your heart nearly stopped beating as he said that but you didn't waste another second. You took off your lingerie and got on top of him, hovering your wet pussy above his face.

''When I tell you to sit on my face, I do not mean hover. Sit the fuck down,'' Wooyoung complained from underneath you. His hands grabbed the flesh of your thighs and he pulled you closer to him. You didn't let yourself go for 100% but you relaxed as you felt his tongue slide through your slit.

You moaned out his name as his tongue zigzagged through your folds and circled around your clit, collecting all your wetness. Wooyoung fucked you with his tongue, reaching sweet spots inside you that you didn't know you even had. He licked your clit and sucked on it roughly, earning loud moans from you.

In a matter of minutes your body was trembling, coming undone on Wooyoung's tongue. He rode out your orgasm and he laid you down gently as you came down from your high.

"You're such a dirty whore, aren't you? You came pretty quickly." A blush creeped up on your cheeks as you watched him smirk at you. "Only your dirty whore..."

Wooyoungs fingers slid between your thighs, playing with your sensitive clit. "W-Wooyoung!" You moaned out. He bit in your soft skin again, attacking your breasts. "Y-you fucking like that biting thing, huh?" You panted out. He grunted as he kept abusing your clit with his fingers. "Don't fucking kink shame me," he joked.

"You're so wet baby, so slick," he smirked as he pumped 2 fingers into you, "so fucking smooth." You were moaning uncontrollably as he picked up his pace, hitting your g-spot repeatedly as he curled his fingers just right.

"Harder," you moaned out. Wooyoung laughed and smirked, tongue poking into his cheek as he did so. He couldn't get the smirk of his face as he felt your arousal drip down his hand onto the sheets.

"Are you a squirter baby? Is my darling gonna squirt for me?" "Yes! Yes, fuck I can do that for you, Woo, I promise, I'll be good, I'll do it for you!" "Good girl, go ahead then, squirt all over my hand for me angel."

You let go and did as you were told, squirting over Wooyoung's hand as he got you through another orgasm. You panted loudly, trying to recover but Wooyoung never stopped moving his fingers. "You take my fingers so well, don't you babygirl? Look at that, keep on going angel, that's it, fuck, yeah that's it."

You couldn't stop, arousal kept leaking from your abused pussy, body shaking and tears forming in your eyes. "I love the way you look with my fingers inside you, angel."

"P-please I can't anymore!" You cried out, so fucked out from the overstimulation. ''Give me one more baby, one more, cum for me, be a good girl and say thank you,'' Wooyoung smirked as he fucked you hard with his fingers. ''Yes! Yes, thank you thank you thank you-'' you cried out as you felt fireworks in your body and you came so hard you swore you saw stars.

Wooyoung helped you calm down from your sweet relief but he was quick to slide his leaking cock in immediately. "W-Woo!" You whined out as he filled you up completely. You clenched around him as he fucked you hard and rough, hands gripping at your thighs and hips.

"O-oh God, fuck!"

"Such a needy fucking little thing, aren't you?" He grunted as he kept thrusting into you, slowly losing himself in the motion as well. Soon enough you were putty in each other's hands, bodies melting together as the moonlight shone on you, highlighting your beautiful teary eyes.

''Wooyoung it feels so good!''you screamed out as he pounded his hard slick cock into you. ''Yeah, baby, I know, I fucking know, it's so good!''

He suddenly pulled out of you and before you could protest he had you flipped over with your ass up. He slid into your cunt from behind and thrusted hard. "Fuck!" You screamed out.

Wooyoung's hand gathered your hair, turning it into a ponytail and he pulled it, hard, making you scream out his name. He pulled you up against his chest as he pounded into you, one arm around your waist, holding him against your body, the other still pulling your hair back.

"Yes! Pull my hair, pull my fucking hair, make me your slut, fuck, I'm your slut," you cried out.

"Yes you are, my fucking slut, you're my fucking cockslut, taking me so well. And you're gonna cum for me, okay? You're gonna fucking cum for me."

"Yes, Yes I'm cumming, I'm cumming for you! All for you! F-For your cock only!" You moaned loudly. "Good girl, that's it baby, that's it, you and me, you and me," he growled in your ear.

For the last time your body trembled as you came around him, a tear falling down your cheek as the pleasure became too much. Soon enough Wooyoung released inside you too, moaning your name as he did so.

"Good... you're so good," he panted as he laid you down, in his arms. He held you for what felt like an eternity before he spoke up again. "Maybe I'm a bit selfish... but I don't want anyone else to touch you. Only me. Only you and me."

You nodded and caressed his cheek gently. "I love you and me," you smiled. ''Next time you're sucking my cock tho, okay?''

[melefim]

Swearing in Dead Boy Detectives: Screw

Overview:

Screw was said 9 times, in 5 episodes, and by 3 different characters.

Uses Per Episode:

Episode 1: 2

Episode 2: 0

Episode 3: 0

Episode 4: 1

Episode 5: 2

Episode 6: 0

Episode 7: 2

Episode 8: 2

Uses Per Character:

Crystal: 5

Jenny: 2

Esther: 2

Percent of Total:

Screw was said 9 times, which is 2.8% of all cursing in the show.

Variations:

There are 4 variations of the word Screw used in the show, with Screw being the most popular with 4 uses.

Screw: 4

Screwed up: 3

Screwing: 1

Screwed: 1

Rankings:

Total Uses: Screw comes in at 9th place with 9 uses.

Number of Episodes: Screw comes in at 9th place after being said in 5 episodes.

Total Characters: The three characters who say screw land it in 9th place, tied with Bloody and Dick.

Curse Word Variations: With 3 variations, Screw is tied for 5th with Damn and Ass.

Lines:

Episode 1:

Crystal: Holy shit, did you take some of my memories? I don't have some screwed-up amnesia, you took them.

Crystal: Which was totally my bad and very screwed up and I should have told you everything.

Episode 4:

Jenny: Screw the past, you can be anybody you want. Hell, maybe you can even be somebody with a bank account.

Episode 5:

Crystal: Because all nice guys give their girlfriends date rape drugs to screw with their future.

Crystal: No boy is screwing my life up.

Episode 7:

Crystal: Jesus. You have never been to hell, stop acting like an expert. Look, when I got possessed, when I nearly ran off a cliff, when I screwed up and lost my powers, you both helped me.

Esther: You, you.. you think that you're the only one who's ever been screwed over? You're not. I fucking deserve this!

Episode 8:

Jenny: Screw it. I'd rather know my own life, no matter how fucked up.

Esther: Don't ever trust a goddess to grant your wishes, because she'll definitely screw you over good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Dead Boy Detectives Swearing Posts:

Masterlist

Swearing by Episode

Swearing by Character

Swearing by Word

All Swearing Posts

And if you like lists of things like I do, you can check out my other Dead Boy Detectives ones here!

When Charles’ Shirt Colors Change

George Rextrew’s Edwin comic inspo board

Full soundtrack with timestamps

Moves, Incidents, and Cases Masterlist

First pass at finding where the songs in the score are used- full post with timestamps in progress

[taehyungfirst]

Can you at least try to keep your facts straight?

You change your opinion according to what tae does. Its exhausting.

I dont get how people can defend/ Like everything their bias does, while in the same breath dismissing Others for doing the same.

First jennie, you are celebrating her being "caught" smoking. As a tae stan, you should know that Idols smoking is non of our business. Remember how tae was treated, why would use this to have a gottcha moment about someone else??

Also, how is jikook having a photobook about their show, a cash grab, while tae doing a photobook about himself isnt?

Bighit also die Release a photobook for the other bts docu.

Imagine how exhausted I am dealing everyday with people like you who have zero reading comprehension.

First Jn,

as you can see, I was dragging blinks who have spent years dragging Tae and wishing him cancer, which is something you would’ve seen if you stanned him but from the tone of your ask and from what you’re defending, I just know what you are. I give 0 fucks about her smoking, she’s not the first idol doing it, but I will say it’s karma for all the shit her fans said to Tae. Idgaf.

Abt the photobook, you’re mad at what anons said 🤷🏻‍♀️ I told everyone to enjoy the content and to leave Tae out of the discourses, just like what I’m gonna suggest to you. Stop coming on here after some lurkers sent the link of my asks to your jkkers blogs, it’s ridiculous.

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

New Gossip Girl OCs

just updated the masterlist too, but posting a bit of information here too

(gossip girl besties I'm also very here for crossovers 👀 @the-witching-ash @manyfandomocs @ginevrastilinski-ocs @cecexwrites )

Chanel Rhodes in Got A Secret (x Tripp Vanderbilt)

Lily Van Der Woodsen’s niece / Carol Rhodes' daughter, through complicated family drama & CeCe’s interference, she comes to live with them around the debutante hall

Clara Waldorf in Scars Of Love (x Tripp Vanderbilt)

Blair's twin sister, toxic to semi-healthy Tripp ship had an affair with Tripp (he thought she was 19, she was 16, he ends things as soon as he finds out) but reconnect when she’s out of high school and begin their affair again (possible side scandal pregnancy but idk that feels like too much drama/scandal); she 100% is at a bar underage, Tripp can tell she's underage but she lies and says she's 19 because he's hot and she gives 0 fucks, they have an affair for a while until he finds out that she's actually a friend of Nate's and in high school, he ends things, they start hooking up again probably when she's 18 Maintains an image of perfection but between the divorce, her own mental health issues, whatever the fuck is going on with Tripp, and substance abuse issues, she's cracking under the pressure of everyone watching her all the time

Emerson Archibald in Heartlines

Nate's younger sister, Jenny & Eric’s age, Eric’s go-to fake girlfriend/date to things and the only person who knows he’s gay

James & Vic Locke in Oh No!

Vic is broadway & music icon and her daughter, James, is an up and coming pop starlet/broadway girlie, both very famous James just got back to New York from a tour, opening for her mom, and is going to be at Constance while she works on her next album and auditions for Broadway shows

Sawyer Archibald in Hollow Lies

Nate's half sister, The Captain had an affair and passed her off as Nate’s twin Anne won't admit that her husband had an affair so instead she claims that this girl is her daughter/she had twins, with a side of claiming that they didn't announce both at once because the girl was very sick as a newborn and they didn't wan to make an announcement in case she didn't survive (... just ripping off Aurora Anderson's backstory here)

EDIT

for organizational purposes, also adding the new plot bunny asks!

Corrine Adler in Art Deco (x Serena Van Der Woodsen)

The definition of That Bitch. Influencer before influencer culture took off, rich, hot, never misses a party unless she’s busy jetsetting to another country. Everyone wants to kiss, kill, or be her She and Serena have known each other for years, they were party girl besties before Serena went to Connecticut. No one is happier than Corrine when Serena returns, but Serena has changed and Corrine has spent a year trying not to change, and their twin flames no longer quite fit

Odette Beck in Flashing Lights ( x Blair )

Heiress, known for always having the best outfits, you can always find her on page 6 and having her style analyzed on every fashion blog, wants to work in the fashion industry but isn’t sure what specifically she wants to do bit of a spoiled princess, artistic, preppy, usually seems very put together but is known to have a wild side was always superficially besties with Blair and Serena, but she and Blair developed a much closer friendship after Serena left

Rhys Astor in National Anthem (x Blair & Serena)

Richest boy in New York; good intentions but can be out of touch with the world, has a party boy streak for sure Wants to use his money for good but not always totally aware of his privilege; very absent family, raised by nannies Plays the right sports, is in the right clubs, says the right things, knows the right people, but it was all planned and chosen for him, 0 sense of self identity Dated Blair when they were younger, the summer before high school.  Blair said I love you, he couldn’t say it back (no one had ever said it to him before, he had a bit of a freakout), Blair dumped him.  He was all set to say it to her on the first day of high school and ask for another chance, but Blair showed up dating Nate Archibald, he never fully got over her, TBD when Serena becomes part of the dynamic

[sushisocks]

Do you have any Sean x Lenny headcanons? I’m so desperate for more of their content, lol.

DO I HAVE SEAN X LENNY HEADCANONS?!??! Dear anon I could talk about macsummers FOREVEEERRRR!!!! We are truly STARVED for content about them but yes yes let me share some THOUGHTS I have lolol (sorry for the late reply, this week has been kicking my ass aklsdjf)

Okay see I think MacSummers have such good potential to be real 'one fell first, the other fell harder', in that sense of the second person falling suddenly having to catch up on all the feelings, yknow? And it works EITHER way, which I LOVE abt them, so let's talk about what their crushes would look like njbhnjbhmk

Lenny's first to fall:

Lenny ABSOLUTELY has a crush foreveeerrr, pining HARD because he can't bring himself to make a move. Half of that is also reckoning with the fact that he HAS a crush, and on Sean of all people.

Sean is an oblivious idiot; a bi king so busy with the thrill of the chase he doesn't realize what's right in front of him at first, and also, in his mind the possibility of Lenny being interested in him is so small it barely connects.

It's a mess; people DEFINITELY start noticing - it's Lenny's first time having feelings as intense as these about someone and he is NOT as subtle as he'd like to believe he is.

Truly painful for anyone to witness; no, Lenny, that joke was not that funny, stop staring wistfully across the camp like that, everyone knows you're just sitting at the campfire because Sean is there, your book is upside down.

The girls swing back and forth between gently teasing him about it or trying to cheer him up after witnessing some horrendous attempt at flirting from Sean with one of them - they're all rolling their eyes at him for it.

Jenny is def the one who notices first, and the one Lenny goes to for advice. She does NOT give him good advice. Thankfully Lenny is smart enough to realize as much when she tells him to take Sean fishing during a moonlit night, like that's 1) romantic in any sense of the word or 2) something normal for them to do.

Hosea also catches on but it just makes him more grumpy when dealing with Sean, very fatherly 'youre not good enough for my child' vibes off him. Sean still has 0 clue, but now sometimes he catches Hosea giving him the deathstare, and there's a high chance that every time Hosea sees Sean even look in Lenny's direction, he's considering pulling his gun on him.

Tilly is the most sympathetic to Lenny out of the whole lot, when she's not laughing at him. Tbf they're all laughing at him.

The 'Let me teach you how to read!' thing is very much an excuse just to hang out with Sean more. Mind you Lenny is very serious in his effort to teach Sean, he definitely thinks Sean deserves someone making the effort for him, but he's very internally giddy about 'hihi spending time with crush!!' And he probably does have to go debrief with Jenny and Tilly about it.

He only FINALLY gets the nerve to make a move at the end of a long night of drinking. Liquid courage has Lenny grabbing a loud and laughing Sean by the wrist after he says or does something that makes Lenny want to vomit his heart out, dragging Sean out of camp past the treeline, and kissing him square on the mouth, if only for his sanity. Sean, once the shock passes, goes, verbatim "oh. OH! well, ya couldve told me earlier!" before proceeding to snog Lenny senseless <3

Sean's first to fall:

It takes a minute for Sean to actually realize he has a crush, but then Lenny looks at him in a certain way, smiling and gazing at him with those shrewd eyes of his, shining in the light of the campfire, and Sean feels like he's been struck by fucking lightning.

Who has eyes like that anyway?? Sean will not be able to stop thinking about them, ever, now.

He's upping the ante on silly goofy behavior by 11, just to make Lenny smile. Even better if he laughs!!

He agrees to be tutored in reading just to spend time with Lenny and promptly spends all that time vacillating between doing his utmost to distract Lenny away from the lesson with jokes or trying very hard to listen to him just to get lost in his eyes. Lenny doesn't really mind but they get nothing done.

Sean has a fucking army on his ass in seconds; Arthur, John, Tilly, Mary-Beth, and Karen all seem to know out of NOWHERE and Sean has to sit through a fucking impromptu roast while wondering if all his closest friends are fucking mind-readers.

It's funny to them all at first but there IS some sympathy for poor Sean. Doesn't stop them from teasing him mercilessly.

Those that know him, know he's fucked when he switches the 'I love ya!' to 'Ya love me!' with Lenny. It's harder to say to the people he has actual persistent non-platonic feelings for, and almost self-soothing to instead say the reverse as a substitute.

Thing is; if Lenny having a crush is unsubtle, Sean is a fucking bull in a china-shop by comparison. Lenny sure as hell has his suspicions from very early on.

IT DOESN'T HELP THAT WHEN SEAN GETS DRUNK HE'S FLIRTING WITH LENNY IN THE EXACT SAME WAY HE DOES WITH THE GIRLS.

Lenny is very good-humored about the whole thing but it comparatively to when Lenny's the one with the crush, it sure as hell doesn't take very long from Sean realizing his crush to Lenny also realizing Sean's crush.

It helps Lenny getting over his own nerves, if nothing else.

Everyone in camp knows by the time Lenny decides to end Sean's suffering. They walk down to the river near camp, find a spot which is a bit more secluded, and Lenny very gently cups Sean's face, tells him to stop him if he doesn't want this, and kisses him. Sean is grinning like the cat who got the cream afterwards, and Lenny v fondly calls him a fool.

There's like several relieved sighs when they return to camp holding hands. Like Sean isn't gonna be way more of a menace WITH a boyfriend than he is without.

Here's some general headcanons too, bcz I LOVE thinking and talking abt this ship lmfaoo

They're both very talkative - very much the types to stay up all night talking, discussing their thoughts and feelings, camp gossip, their childhoods, the most fucked up death they saw besides their dads', their favorite colors, etc etc. They've had SEVERAL items thrown at them for waking up their fellow gangmembers in the dead of night.

Lenny reads as very acts of service-y to me. Throwing a blanket over Sean when he's knocked out, bringing him food or snacks when he's on guard shift, teaching him how to read, etc etc.

Meanwhile Sean is very touchy; he likes the reassurance of Lenny's physical presence, and it can be as small as just feeling the press of their thighs while sitting next to each other, but they're not exactly strangers to other things like hugging or holding hands.

In that vein it's not uncommon to find Lenny like, doing his own thing, reading or writing, with Sean amusing himself by tracing the lines in Lenny's free hand, or dozing against his back or something.

They have that honeymoon period where you can't find one without the other and they're hard to separate for anything. Sean complains if they're set to different tasks during a job. They manage to be regular about it eventually, but there's an acclimation period for both them and everyone surrounding them -- baby's first proper relationship, y'know?

They're still prone to joining each other on their guard shifts though, even if just for a little while.

You know that comic that's like "I'm gonna kiss you stupid" "But I'm already so dumb!" "Youre gonna be such an idiot when I'm through with you" That Is Very Them imo lolol

Aaaannddd this is already so long I think I'll stop now before we're here all night kmjnhbjnbh

[oh-my-damn]

If we go by that this is real, they know we know everything, so why still hide this extremely? Why take off your ring that you proudly accepted from your boyfriend that proudly offered to you? He obviously isn't ashamed to be with her, to take her and her friends on vacations with him, to give her reign over house reno after only 2 years, so why the hiding? I get privacy, but for to not even have a single picture of Tara and her together, to not see Chris in a group photo with them, to make sure you completely seperate the two groups publically? That's not fucking normal, there has to be something sketchy still going on with this mess. This is not normal behavior. None of this is normal. This did not happen with Minka or Jenny, so why is this happening with Alba?

The only thing I can thing of is that he is ashamed of being with her publically and so fearful of the backlash that he has told the people around him "Hey, make sure to never include my face with hers in any photos to the public, because I can't loose fans." What??? I'm sorry, what self respecting woman is OK with that...oh, one who isn't self respecting and loves the vacations and bottomless wallet and last name she will soon have.

Like he really cares more about his public image that Alba. Because he stepped out with a MARRIED woman and gave 0 fucks. Flirted online and offline with him, had casual normal sightings (with and without photos, but credible) and had normal Pap photos, and had normal leaked private photos come out of them just being together. Nothing to invasive, just yeah, those 2 people are together. We can't even see him and Alba together on vacation, because his thin skin. 😆

We spent literally an entire year not being allowed to see Alba in real time, where she completely ditched social media as a normal 25 year old, and how she only interacted with Chris relates topics or people. She trolled - she reacted to the fandom (Her moms age and Yoga certificate 😆) - she hid. Chris hid. Everyone involved are the reasons this is so disturbing and disgusting. And now we're allowed to see Alba in real time, and we see her in Portugal with Joanna right after Bermuda, and Justin trolls? Like how is anything normal in this mess?

I want normal happenings at this point so I can move on from him. 🙃

If he can't proudly go on vacation with his friends and fiance, how the hell does he except to still be in Hollywood? He might be in Mass but he still wants his cake and to eat it too, but it's not possible if you can't fucking acknowledge your SO without your own SHAME and FEAR of internet strangers.

This Bermuda vacation was the perfect opportunity to finally turn the tables, to show Chris' I don't give a fuck attitude, I want her' to the online fandom (you know, the ones they have been catering to this entire time, not the GP...normal, right? 😆) to post even just a couple's photo of them smiling in the same place her and Justin were, and call it that. Hands dusted, move on. And then be seen walking Dodger, maybe having normal social media moments online. No more trolling - no more stupidity. The Online fandom knows they were together, so why are they still hiding like we don't know about them?

Because Chris has the upper hand and cares more about his reputation more than her. He can't even handle the GP getting ahold of his face with hers. 😆😆😆

As the queen has said over and over again

THERE WILL BE NO EXPLANATION. THERE WILL JUST BE REPUTATION.

The only problem here is that I don't believe Chris can make a comeback the way the queen did.

So yeah.

[appleciderp]

Hold onto your hats, because I want to rant about how Blizzard fucking sucks with women or any minority rep. And why it'll suck for your fav in whatever MW is coming up.

Fully inspired by this post, I'll be referencing to a few points that @spookykittenwrites made

As I said in those tags, I've been playing WoW since Burning Crusade, so I've known about the company since about 2007. I've not touched overwatch, but according to emp, their rep there is surface-level as well.

It's half me yelling about MW and half me yelling about how WoW fails in representation.

I have 0 faith in them with any sort of proper representation. I'll mostly be sticking to queers and women. I do have a small section about Gaz, but I'm white and keep that in mind.

Onto the bullshit

They're not gonna make any main character queer. This means Soap, Gaz, Price, and Ghost. Farah and Alex by extension. Most likely not Alejandro and Rudy. They won't risk the repercussions.

Hell, Alejandro is implied to have a family, but we skimmed over that part as a fandom.

What they will do, like Laswell, mention that a side/secondary/tertiary character has a partner, but won't put ANY thought into it. Laswell's wife could SHOULD have been talked about by name.

They don't CARE enough about their characters to even solidify her over a facade of rep that will make the queer people happy. It did in a sense, I am happy that she has a wife. But if you're bothering to have a line about her, just add a second. Like Price could ask "Oh, how's Madeline doing anyways?" or "Yea, you've told Jenny you'd stop smoking how many times already?"

WoW-wise, their queer characters are mostly surface-level. Which isn't bad in a world full of queer stories that are queer-centric. The problem is they don't have the balls to upset any fan by making a popular character explicitly queer in their portrayal. Hell it wasn't even THEM who made Matthias and Flynn queer, it was originally put into the novels (I believe Chrissy Golden?)

Here's a quote from an executive producer: "We don't try to put a big focus on it and make it a big deal, we just try to make the game feel comfortable, friendly and approachable for everybody"

I don't know about you, but using "comfortable, friendly, and approachable for everybody" as an excuse for why you don't have more outwardly queer rep (versus "hint around it") leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Because my sexuality or gender identity is uncomfortable for people? My existance is uncomfortable for people, so you don't want to explicitly say it???

but he implied that the devs don't think Pelagos is the first trans character. Fuck you. It's giving JKR saying that Dumbledore is gay, but it wasn't important to Harry's story. What isn't explicitly said in the source material is not canon.

They had, HAVE, the chance to make major players into canonically queer characters, but they're afraid of backlash. Vol'jin would have been so easily bi in canon, especially with his whole thing with Tyranthan in the fucking novel. And that Tyranthan went to his funeral??? even though they're on opposite sides????

Onto the next point, they don't and won't give a shit about the female characters. All I'm thinking about is the disappointing outcome of Tyrande's revenge after the burning of Teldrassil, hell even the whole Azshara thing. I'm not gonna go into detail about how it, just know it led to nothing. She didn't get revenge. She didn't have a satisfying end. Why? Probably because Sylvanas and Azshara are both more popular than Tyrande. Sylvanas probably being the WoW character with the most merch (not to mention the whole thing about a dev loving her).

Farah is gonna be brought up minimally, much like she was in MW II. Valeria/El Sin Nombre and most likely the Vaqueros will be completely forgotten. Maybe brought back (again like Farah was in MW II)

They're not consistent with their characters in the first place, why give a shit about a promise they made. It'll most likely be implied between games that some shit will be solved, or a line or two in the next game. Just so people get closure.

The surface level rep keeps going throughout. We have a bunch of diversity in the operators, but significantly less in the campaign, where the characters need to be fleshed out more than a written backstory and voiced lines.

How often have they shown Alex properly since he lost his leg?

The dudebro's are pissed that they changed Gaz, a mostly 1-dimensional character that died within the first Modern Warfare. Gaz is a good character, there's no reason that they're pissed about him vs them being pissed about any other member of the task force. But I've seen more hate on Gaz than any other 141. Which sadly leads me to conclude that they probably only dislike him due to his race.

But the aspect that isn't giving me much hope is the phasing out of Gaz in additional content. You're telling me the only POC in the 141 is not included in the red team? Out of all the dudes you could have removed?? Like I'm all for including Farah into the red team; but removing the only person of color on the team, one who was canonically in the Ghost Team mission, isn't the win they think it is.

Not to mention the numerous merch of the 141 that have Ghost, Price, and Soap; but not Gaz. With only 1 design containing Gaz.

And don't come at me that "those are the old designs though!" It's in their current website for sale. The 8-bit design is fairly recent within the last few weeks or so. Gaz is a main character in MW 2019 AND 2022. He deserves more than 1 solo shirt that is just the repurpose of the 141 shirt.

Onto the points brought up by @spookykittenwrites

Ghoap

Either won't be mentioned at all or will be excessively "haha we're just pals" kinda vibes.

They WILL play up the dynamic in trailers and such, as it did bring a new group of people to the games, and it seemed to make the dudebro's happy with their bromance.

Death

None of the main characters will be killed off. There's too much opportunity to make money off of their survival. So far the new games have been very light with the major character deaths. In the original games Soap and Price are the only 2 that survive past 1 game.

Roach

They're not gonna make him mute or selectively mute.

I do think they might bring back Roach to kill him off within the same Game though.

Hell, they might not even bring him back.

Farah and Alex

I honestly hope that we see them together, it might not happen. I think they're gonna keep the Farah/Alex line as the raid focus.

As for the no chemistry thing. Depends. If they're seen for 3.5 seconds they definitely won't. Hell, they aren't technically ever stated to be dating in canon AND the dudebro's get pissed that people are shipping them. Again with the not saying anything that'll upset the target audience.

For the Muslim aspect; not sure they even think about their own characters enough to have her religion mentioned in game. (They can't even get the bios straight when they update the game, I'm not gonna complain about this here)

Laswell's Wife

Important thing to remember, the line about her wife isn't even in every playthrough. It's a hidden one.

No doubt about her never being mentioned in my head. It only got past the dudebros because it's a lesbian couple. If it was a dude talking about his husband I doubt it would have gotten into the game.

US can do no Wrong

Definitely, the entirety of the blame will be on Russians. They did in fact blame a real US warcrime on Russians in the past.

Interestingly enough, the most recent info I can find is that the Military took out their funding post-sexual harassment allegations from Activision-Blizzard in December 2022.

Military Propaganda is still Military Propaganda even if the Military isn't funding it.

Moral of the story? The comfort of the dudebros, the target demographic for the game, will always be priority. They won't risk hurting their profits by claiming a character is queer or putting too much importance on a woman. Whatever their comfort level is, is what that we'll be getting.

I'm gonna stop my rant here... Don't go into the next game hoping to get some good rep.

On a slightly positive note: they are getting better. Farah was genuinely a good character in MW 2019. The fact that there's a mention of a same-sex partner, even in passing, is pretty good.

Also, enjoy the Christmas merch shirts that I found of Price and Ghost.

[usedgingertwinkhole]

alan scott

1: sexuality headcanon: Has a canon sexuality (gay) so skip

2: otp: Of the old men I lean to Ted (Grant) the most, not Ted Knight, oh god shipping him with Ted Knight would be a fucking nightmare I'm realizing now.

3: brotp: I kinda prefer his relationship with Jay to be here.

4: notp: Ted Knight apparently.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head: Alan autistic, thank you for your time.

6: favorite line from this character:

7: one way in which I relate to this character: I too prefer Jennie-Lynn to Todd.

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character: That one time he said "we be good parents, we make them (come home)" about the team that included Mister Mind!Hank, like LEAVE HIM ALONE! BAD! CRINGE IN FACT!

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?: Problematic fave 100%, with basically 0 cinnamon roll left.

[larrythefloridaman]

Rewatch notes update! Cpuk 12-14! These notes are getting Dense as i have to resist the urge to give play by plays. The P. Rool arc sits below the cut.

CPUK12! j0hn intro ep of sode <3

Johannsen's champion ruleset is kept a secret at first, but as im sure you'll remember, was 'i get to fight in all round 3s. because im boredt im here to scrap not sit around in the champion's suite.'

Introduces team calibur as the team of disrespect and Possible Evil. Korioni the ice dragon from hell being the first calibur contestant post crimson is very funny to me especially because it's the Chill head talking in this episode. Hell has no ice but hes just vibing with it. Ryan: "Squid Jenny tried to go down and ask like 'whats your story?' and all she got was 'I'm an ice dragon from hell.'" Comona: "no big deal." Ryan: "He's not like 'YOU ALL WILL SUFFER, BLEGH' hes just like 'yeah im from hell. dont worry about it.' Comona: "like 2000s neopets rp boards." Korioni: "grass grows, birds fly, and brother? I'm from hell." Chill head's Dramatic And Aggro brother getting retroactively vagued about

Spaghebbi <3 Comona has heard of her, from when she applied to the tournament, looking over her resume, and she uses the stage name spaghebbi to advertise her restaurant of the same name to boost her brand.

Team charm, Pixel! Fashionable funny doggie here to look good and give the world a show.

Team clutch, Jacob. Normal suburban 11 year old who plays fortnite that acquired special powers after killing real actual ganondorf from the legend of zelda. He's the nephew of Somebody in cpu kerfuffle. Jay's submission information: 'also jacob's like. Stupid. Like REALLY stupid even for an 11 year old.' Guess we know why he didn't notice anything was weird considering the guy he's the protege of, punished k. rool, isn't actually there but rather Some Guy Stealing His Identity,

Team Chonk P. Rool! Plumb <3 As we eventually learn the intro information on p. rool is only applicable to the guy he stole the identity of. But the real punished k. rool is a rude ass chaos fiend who's scales dulled to brown after enduring a punishing training arc. 

Team cones! John my beloved <3 Comona: "Everybody knows Hackers are meant to be disruptive, to lurk in the shadows but Hackerman John not exactly the kind of hacker people would think him to be. He has his very very long universal key- the Skeleton Key if you would- but he doesn't just use it to hack, but he also uses it to slice and dice. He'll hack but you're gonna know he's coming." Ryan: "but you know what key he uses the most right?" Comona: "which ones that?" Ryan, doing a shulk impression: "BACKSLASH!"

Team Cross, johnathan joestar. Jojokes. Gentlemanliness.

Team Craken, Duke Salad! King of the crop. That thing's straight up just some lettuce Hoedown and Patch grew that came to life <3

Exhibition match- Johannsen vs. Blond Sora! Ryan realizes he hasnt put johannsen into the system yet and comona and Ryan joke about maybe needing john to help out with fixing the overlays

Duke salad v. P. Rool - P. Rool's infamous comeback potential is first described RIGHT out the gate. Comona: "when you're fighting P. Rool and you're in the lead, you don't want to give him time to consider the last time he got his ass beat, you don't want to let him imagine that wall because he will use those feelings." Haha yeah he sure will. Several tournaments of forced losses will sure as fuck give him Some Feelings To Use.

Duke Salad nearly zeroes to death the first stock of the second match and P. Rool dunks him anyway for a 2-0. Comona: "P. Rool THRIVES when he's behind."

Pixel vs. Johnathan. Commentators still nervous about Johannsen's special secret rule. Jojokes abound. Pixel is trying too hard to style on johnathan. Pixel gets 2-0'd and three stocked, and Johnathan finds his tenacity inspiring. Pixel: "dont patronize me." But he isnt hes just earnest like that

Hackerman John vs. The Ice Dragon From Hell, Korioni. A joke is made about John sounding like Patrick Warburton, which. god. god no. Awful. /lh 

Ryan: "See, I've played enough Overwatch to know you don't actually need compatible technology to hack, you can just go LEGS? HACKED, COMBAT ROLL? HACKED, FLASH GRENADE? HACKED."

They land in reset bomb forest for match one and Ryan says Korioni casually burned this village down because it was full of sinners, You Know How It Is, and now uses the burnt space as a vacation home. Huh.

Comona: "my favorite part about hackerman john is the way that he actually hacks his own body, like he bulks up his muscles and a variety of other various things. The weird part about it is he's not even a cyborg or anything he just hacks… muscles." Ryan: "taking tips from Sombra." lol. lmao

They go stock for stock, despite commentators concerned at the start that John would, as a simple mortal hacker, have trouble dealing with An Actual Literal Dragon. Korioni is also confused by this. Korioni: "why is this Mortal giving me so many problems what is his Deal?" John bullies immortals for fun moments <3

J0hn activates Glass Cannon Protocol (smash art) last stock high percents and goes 'either im hitting and winning or getting hit and losing. either way im making it end here' and Comona admires the gumption even though it costs john the match. John's Decisive Straightforwardness is probably something Larry admires about him honestly, considering how much more fidget-y about what-ifs he seemed to be before they were together, based on the nccts. Guy who "knows exactly who he is and what he wants to be" (cpuk17) for sure.

Also, commentators use she/her a few times for Korioni in addition to he/him, or at least, as canon later establishes them as a hydra, the Normal Chill Guy head. (nccts making it clear this head's individual name is Jonny. Lot of johns and jons in this tournament. CPU Kerfuffle, shockingly, one of the only shows ive enjoyed with a somewhat realistic amount of Johns.) Good for her!

John doesn't do so hot in the first match or the start of the second, but starts playing dirty and quickly, disrespectfully turns the set around. The first round three of the tournament reveals Johannsen's special rule- The Rat Fights in All Round Threes, at a lower cpu level. (Its funny to me that every time ryan wants to nerf a character he lowers the cpu levels but like. That doesnt make them Weaker it makes them Dumber, which sometimes is Advantageous- there's a brief terrifying moment where johannsen is in the lead despite being lower leveled because sometimes a lower level cpu will go for plays a level 9 would be too smart to go for or expect and sometimes, that pays off!) Anyhow. John utilizes the rat as a distraction to make easier work of Korioni. Korioni's a little scared of the rat.

Comona: "John must have paused the game to get that tech because that was IMPOSSIBLE." There's a joke about John's 'hackerman eyes' and him getting visions of the Very Immediate future and skipping them if they're just not interesting enough. Understanding in retrospect why I got so attached to The Visor as a design element. Also, Quad, in a later episode: "I can't see the future. Yet." Why you holding out on the man, John? Gonna share the precog software with the rest of the class? Anyway. potentially another drop of evidence in my 'sensitivity to/ability to manipulate/perceive the script is generally perceived as Weird Psychic Phenomena by the denizens of the cpukverse but doesn't seem to be Known About, Understood or Believed In outside specific circles' worldbuilding speculation bucket

Jacob vs. Spaghebbi. Spaghebbi replaced her arms with spaghetti. Jacob is an 11 yr old that plays fortnite. He feels Exactly like captain falcon when he wipes out tilted towers. Jacob is the kind of kid to eat microwave chicken nuggets off of the fine china. Comona and Ryan chatter nervously about how it feels almost like theyre watching a real person play as Spaghebbi plays with her food. They feel like Spaghebbi could pass the turing test. Jacob gets spaghetti sauced on. 

Losers bracket! Duke Salad vs. Pixel. Ryan: "so. who do you think is going to win, and Be Nice About it." Comona: "to put this lightly- as lightly as possible to be kind as i can… after Pixel's SHAMEFUL display in winners bracket, i don't see pixel standing a CHANCE against duke salad. If i put it any lighter than that I would be telling you lies."

Johnathan taught Pixel Hamon and Pixel did much better against the Duke than expected in their first match. I don't know enough about jojos to comment on this. Pixel and the Duke go stock for stock in match 2, and Duke takes it. Game Three. Rat Time. Ryan: "From what I know about Pixel, they're gonna get tilted by the rat, but maybe their training with Johnathan has made them a little more patient."

The Red Kraken visits Patch farms often, but Duke Salad's never ridden on their ship, the Crimson Melody. Duke salad makes the match a 2v1 and takes johannsen and pixel stocks in a killstreak. Duke Salad's patience is emphasized, between poison cloud and the special cannonball move, and takes Pixel's last stock.

Korioni vs. Jacob. Jacob just wandered in here and fought a restaurant owner and is now fighting An Ice Dragon From Hell. 11yr old fortnite player vs. A Dragon. Ryan: "equal power."

Yoshi's Island. Comona: "ah, this is where korioni actually grew up, when they were a young wyrmling." Ryan: "yeah, before The Great Catastrophe. You'll see the great catastrophe later on I'm sure." Korioni: "you are 11 years old? It's cute that you have a concept of time." 

Ryan: "I love the lore with Korioni right now, she's just an eldritch being but she's like. Incredibly Chill about it. Pun intended." Comona: "completely intended."

Korioni is getting her ass beaten by an 11 year old because Kori keeps trying to outplay jacob and stumbling into failure. Jacob is not winning, korioni is losing, crucial difference. Korioni starts bringing it back, until Jacob fucking Gets Him offstage. Comona: "the dragon's pride is often their downfall."

(Knocking on door) Are You Winning Son? Jacob, with his single bouncing screensaver braincell: "yeah im winning i Love bloodsport!"

Second match, Korioni's home turf, Hell. Korioni loses her first stock in less than 20 seconds. Comona says Jacob's gotta be scouted for esports teams soon looking at these plays.

Korioni's losing the spirit to fight and goes yknow what? Maybe I should just leave the fighting to the kids and go continue being An Awesome Dragon From Hell instead, maybe cpu kerfuffle just isn't for me. Jonny gave it a go and isnt interested in showing up again. As we see later though, his siblings/other heads however…

Korioni and Pixel go for coffee as the first guys out. Comona: "I'd love to see a just… ice dragon from hell. At starbucks." Ryan: "yeah, with this fashion gay wolf." Comona: "power couple." Ryan: "we should leave the gossip to squid jenny." huh. pixel/jonny. donkey and dragon from shrek type beat

P. Rool vs Johnathan Joestar. Comona suggests Jojo's nurturing empathy and Punished K. Rool, who thrives on punishment, are bound to clash over fundamentally opposed ideals. As we know, this isnt actually punished k. rool but Plum, who's 'thriving when punished' comeback factor is more fueled by rage than anything. Match goes about as they usually do for Plum- hes losing at first, down to the wire, and then firmly Doesn't. Death by chonk. Lot of jojokes i do not understand. Johnathan homie stocks while down a game. Ryan suggests it was so his lead doesn't stay too big and activates Prool's punishment complex. Comona: "P. Rool functions on revenge and revenge alone, and Johnathan knows better than to let him tap into those selfishly driven emotions. P. Rool still does his stupid comeback thing. For the fourth time. Ryan's start of darkness, almost whining: "die already..." Comona: "this is- this is rapidly approaching plot armor levels of ridiculous."

John vs. Spaghebbi. Comona: "for all intents and purposes if someone didnt know what this was, you'd walk up to these two and these are just two people fighting in the streets, like whats going on, but despite these two's normal, grassroots upbringings, these are two formidable opponents. I'm reminded of the dragonball world fighting tournaments- these are people who just fight as a hobby and enjoy it and testing their abilities."

Comona: "johns a very sneaky player, i always feel like johns getting sauced and then i actually look and percents are even." Ryan: "hes very funny because he'll look like hes getting his ass kicked and then hes just. winning." John survives past 200% on his first stock without using Shield Protocol.

John chokes last minute in their second match, throwing because He Wanted The Rat. He Has Chosen The Rat. Guy who is Completely Willing and Unphased By the prospect of embarrassing himself if it means getting to see a lil guy. Its suggested this was an attempt at a strategic play but if it was it did Not work out. He wanted to see a little guy. lets be honest. Spaghebbi's playing loose, cutting loose, putting on her fucking footloose. Feet, foot feet, dance on your fucking feet.

The giants from majora's mask are hired on staff to keep the moon from crashing into the beach. 

Comona: "Hackerman John's gonna need to hire some help to get through this one." Ryan audibly struggles to confidently remember Dan's name to make a joke about John hiring him. John gets very close to bringing it back, but ultimately spaghebbi takes it. 

Chat member: "Hackerman John and Shapeshifter Larry. Gay?" Ryan, with an air of mystery: "who knows?" the seed is planted.

Jojo v. Jacob. A gentleman must always shake hands first. Jacob knows jojo memes and nothing else about it. Jojo loses a stock second match at 10 seconds in. Jacob really really really likes upsmashes. This set is mostly direct match commentary. People chant and beg and PLEAD for the rat and they get what they want. Jojo, Jacob, Johannsen. J. Jacob wins.

Chat member: "what is Johannsen's Last name?" Ryan: "no idea, have to get squid jenny to check on that." There's speculation in chat about Johannsen being, in some sense, a jojo,

Hackerman John vs. Duke Salad. John loses his first stock VERY fast. You can't hack a plant. It's not allowed. It doesn't work. John loses first match spectacularly. Ryan is getting a report from the field. Ryan: "Hackerman John's showing some weird signs of… something, he's panting really hard, he's sweating a lot according to Squid Jenny- maybe if this goes to round three we'll see what's going on." John manages to pull ahead and take round 2.

Ryan: "update on the report from the field from Jenny, the sweating from hackerman John has continued, and with that successful victory, he's making an announcement to everybody. Let me make sure I'm hearing this right- 'time to reveal the true form.' I don't know what that means but I get the feeling we're about to find out." Strangest part of this is how much effort it appears to take for John to… whatever this is. He changes form pretty casually later and it doesn't seem like maintaining his human-looking appearance takes him any active effort in later appearances, nor do I see why it would, so my best guess is he's psyching himself up to do the Robot Reveal and. maybe powering through having a bit of a panic attack about it? In nccts terms this is extra interesting because this is the moment on a narrative level he's first established as robotic in nature and as gaiden 2 and then the nccts later establish this means, script-sensitive, which j0hn explicitly mistakes for/processes as anxiety, so this must've Felt Pretty Weird.

Anyhow, introducing- Hackerbot J0hn! With a freshly minted zero in his name. In a sudden turn of events, the reason he can augment himself so freely is because he's a robot that can hack other bots. And its round three, so there's also a Rat In The Mix. Duke Salad: "...I just fucking work here, man." 

J0hn, now working with the fullness of his robotic potential, still is not used to it even a little bit and does not do well. Drawbacks of not using your fucked up science-granted powers unless you think you need them for practical reasons- having MUCH less practice at using them than your boyfriend who uses his every ten minutes for fun or because he cant help it, I suppose. He's still hacking himself on the fly but in a very different style, Ryan says. He's actively less effective in combat in his 'true form' than he is in his human 'disguise,' but J0hn's just happy to have shown off his true self to the world and heads off to relax and get coffee. Ryan: "He can't drink it, but he's gonna go get it." 😔

Winners Finals. Prool vs. Spaghebbi. Round one goes to prool and its stupid and makes ryan understandably angry. Ryans asking the referees to double check and make sure all that was legal, and it seems to be. Round 2 goes similarly, even with Spaghebbi trying to play defensively against Prool's comeback power. Ryan admits as Spaghebbi loses 2-0 that he doesnt want Prool to be champion and, after saying he shouldn't metagame, that he cant just make him ditch to go back to his home dimension like dani, he says, no, fuck it, he doesnt want Prool to be champion, and hes willing to cheat to stop it from happening. 

Round one is thrown out with concerns about the legitimacy of the win on grounds of Prool pulling some fuckshit. Spaghebbi is given another match with him to set the record for real. Spaghebbi was perfectly fine with losing, but the refs called her out for a redo and she wasn't going to turn down another shot at winning. Prool is starting to get irritated with this- the refs gave their first round the a-okay already, why do they have to redo it anyway? Regardless, Prool fully confirms his 2-0.

Jacob vs. Duke salad. Mostly just match commentary, but a very fun set. Duke Salad's got his eyes on a rematch with Prool. 'Duke, you killed a child… Amazing!'

Duke Salad vs Spaghebbi. FOOD FIGHT. Round one on fountain of dreams. Very even, very steady very tense. Ryan's blatant bias is for duke salad, and the duke takes match one. Round 2 goes to Spaghebbi. Rat Time. Johannsen does very little and Spaghebbi wins.

Grand finals. Spaghebbi and Prool rematch. Getting a report from the field before the first round- Duke Salad has given Spaghebbi a gift. A House Salad, from the duke himself. She eats the salad and throws herself into the first match with Prool. 

Spaghebbi gets the first stock even after a cannonball to the head. Prool's comeback potential looms. Spaghebbi takes it to a last stock situation and Ryan holds his breath, trying not to hope, and he was right not to. Prool takes it last second despite Spaghebbi's huge percent lead. Ryan cant even bear to comment.

Round 2. Green Greens. Ryan keeps trying not to have hope Spaghebbi will take this so he wont be disappointed, his biases now fully, shamelessly on display, having turned against Prool entirely. Chat Member: "Hangry, red, villainous, anyone else think something's up?" Ryan: "...hm. i dont wanna make any assumptions, but…"

Ryan admits to being salty as chat comments on his deafening silence watching Prool and Spaghebbi fight, fully convinced she's going to lose. Hes right. she does. Prool wins.

Ryan openly declares he will not allow prool to become champion as he queues up the championship match. Ryan, talking out of his ass: "I know what you did, Punished K. Rool. I know. And I'm not letting you do it here." ← this is nothing and goes nowhere. he is using his powers of storytelling to say fuck this lizard because he doesnt want him to win <3

Hes too mad to even commentate about johannsen losing to Prool. He is grumbling and grouching and salty and peeved. 

Its time to break some rules! And so an exception is enshrined IN the rules- fuck prool. prool is jumped by a collection of competitors to be prevented from taking his earned championship- Johannsen, Captain Valentine, Big Yopper, Spaghebbi, Duke Salad, Rights Sentience, and Mario from Super Mario. Most of them are said to be there for revenge of some kind in a very handwavey sense, rights is supposedly there because Prool is 'an affront to rights,' ironic given this whole exchange is the tournament wrenching away Prool's rightfully earned win on a basis of 'fuck that guy in particular.' I assume while revenge is the blanket statement the real motive for the participating parties here is another chance at championship despite the breach of rules and fairness, not unlike Spaghebbi's unearned redo, and not unlike the competitors apparently devolving into mad max shenanigans offscreen when the champion's seat was left 'unclaimed' during the hiatus. (it was captain crimsons. but this was apparently left unacknowledged for 'fuck that guy' reasons which like. Is justified in a vacuum but is and has Become even more kinda retroactively weirdly targeted over time in a way as the comedically driven moral double standard about murder in the show reveals itself, as is hilariously demonstrated by the commentators discussing letting the Grunk, himself manslaughtered and brought back which everyone hates crimson for, just attack and/or kill whoever he wants if it's funny in the next season and as is briefly discussed in the nccts. Murder is okay but only if we like you and its funny 👍)

Ryan had fun watching him get ganged up on. Valentine gets the last hit in, and the three characters who got kills on prool enter a four player free for all with him and whoever wins gets championship. Ryan: "if Prool wins this one, I promise I will accept it. Just kidding I'll pull some other bullshit because im a bitch baby The Real Championship Begins!"

Captain Valentine wins, finally getting his groove back after 11. Captain Valentine: "Fuck That Rat!" Ryan: "Honestly? To be fair? Right now? You know what, I think Captain Valentine's just happy that in the end he doesnt have to fight that FUCKING rat again." 

Ryan throws that rat at him for shits and giggles. Apparently this fight is happening because Val just wants to put his pride back together. He is doing worse than last time at first, but hes developing a begrudging respect for the little fella, and manages to pull out a win. Ryan promises Prool can come back next tournament and try again, for the sake of fairness, and dont worry chat, he has a plan.

CPUK13! ryan catches jay and comona up to speed. Jay, punished k. rool and jacob came from another universe. They had tickets for the Dimensional Plane (GOOD pun, and also very funny confirmation that the bus is not the only means of public interdimensional transport. In the nccts universes are implied to have some element of physical proximity/distance between universes to account for with regard to travel time, what with nelson warp not being instantaneous and such. so i suppose it makes sense there might be different forms of dimensional transport accommodating for said travel time, planes are faster long distance than cars and all,) but jay couldnt go. Punished K. Rool was such a heel however that noone wanted him to win, so there was a 7v1 to stop him from becoming champion. Jay: "yeah thats about accurate to what i expected."

Ryan: "now, this was a very big breach of The Rules, and the Iggy Collective elected, in the interest of fairness, to invite P. Rool back to try again, along with some other people." 'In the interest of fairness' is the Funniest way that could be put because whats fair about that. You blocked him from becoming champion as a group Just Because You Dont Like Him, and then tell him 'you can go ahead and try again if you want!' With full intent to do it again if he wins. Like thats not fairness you are playing matador and P. Rool is an angry bull for whom there is no winstate. "We'll let you win if you can win when we won't let you win."

Jay, talking about Punished: "Prool is a really good fighter, and yknow nobody likes to acknowledge that hes a really good fighter, because he's just an asshole. Hes the biggest heel. He counter picks to stages he wont even win on because he just wants to piss you off. He'll turn items on when its illegal." Ryan: "damn. What an asshole. We all hate him." Plum does not understand why everyone hates him so much, alas hes been mistaken for Some Guy Who Sucks whose behavior he obliviously resembles 😔

Zagreeus, from Hayds! Zagreeus is a 14 yr old edgy bi kid that loves and kins zagreus from hayds. His submission information states that he found zagreus's plight with his parents and life in darkness relatable, and has tried to summon gods before, failing every time but once, when a god took pity on him and didnt want him burning down his parents garage with a gasoline summoning circle. Some unnamed goddess granted him the powers he wanted, and with them, and equipped with his power glove (which is So Bad, and that he uses to play hayds,) he joined cpu kerfuffle. Okay so what id remembered about him kinning zagreus so hard he developed his powers either wasnt exactly accurate or that's how the commentators simplify it later or smthn because Wow

Matrimony Knight! Just likes marriage, especially gay marriage. Ryan princess bride mawwiage bit is going to happen All Night.

Genwun! My miserable little clown submission. Ngl when i submitted them i had No idea how bad some people's experiences with genwunners were, they were just A Bizarre Subset of Nostalgia Blind Internet Weirdos With Absurd Beliefs that i knew existed in the abstract but had never met any. Regardless, they get better though and genfour has evolved normal opinions about pokemon and willingness to accept the progression of time. they're my one and only cringefail submission and I do love them.

Chili's! Ryan: "I can't imagine what other restaurant chain a Red Robin would represent." Comona: "yeah, me either." Chili's will get so very angry with you if you label her as any other restaurant. The commentators react with confusion to Jay implying red robin was ever a restaurant that existed, and jay says it must be something that only exists in his dimension. It's all Chili's now. The family coming of age rites name change domination of a new restaurant thing established in cpuk 23 truly be rewriting history huh

Machiavelli! Submission information states: Machiavelli is a science project using the tournament as field practice for testing and creating the perfect killing machine, though it is sometimes very clueless, self-destructive and dimwitted in its actions and lacking knowledge. It adapts to mimic it's opponents fighting styles to learn as combat progresses. Exact sentience unknown, although its intelligence appears to sit somewhere between a child and a dog, loyally following the command of its 'owners,' but shows enough free will to act unprompted in pursuit of its own aimless whims. As for what Machiavelli is, and what he is made for, that information is as of yet unknown.

Twist! The mage aboard the red kraken and first member of the red kraken proper to appear. 

Sephiroth. Just The Real Sephiroth from Final Fantasy 7 and remake. Ryan: "now you might be asking, 'why is he HERE?'" Jay: "do you think we could STOP HIM?! do you think WE know?!" He was not invited, he just showed up. Johannsen was gonna fight but Sephiroth was like *One-Winged Angel plays* (which follows him around like an aura) and Johansen was like *porky pig stammer* w. well Okay-

Sephiroth's comically long sword apparently pierced the hull of the Dimensional Plane and jay apologizes for possibly having brought this upon us all. I think sephiroth's sword should be like doug dimmadome's hat. Infinitely long so that you cant see the end of it whenever its funny for it to be that way

UPS Founder vs. Jacob exhibition match. Not much to comment on here, mostly just plain match commentary.

First match- Sephiroth vs. Chili's. Jay remarks nervously upon chili's resemblance to aerith, while discussing their hopes for the tournaments winners and Valentine's rule changes as champion- cutting a bunch of the weirder, messier stages off the list to leave mostly more clean, traditional ones. Chili's spellbook is a menu and her spells are named after menu items. Thoron is the bigmouth burger. Chili's down-aerithed him into hell <3 sephiroth, unamused: "puns are the lowest form of comedy." She remains rent free in his head the entire second round sending sephiroth to losers Immediately.

Jay: "does Chili's serve wings?" Ryan: "of course it does its a bar and grill, everywhere serves wings." Jay: "well it certainly does now!!" Ryan, getting it: "but only one wing." Comona: "you only get one. Choose Your Sauce Wisely."

Twist vs. Zagreeus. Extended bit about zagreeus being on a bad run and pronouncing greek gods names and things like weapons weird. zayus. Arr-TEM-is. Po-sedd-in. Shy-eld. Spee-are.

Comona: "zagreeus is failing the skill check, how did twist learn to fight like this?" Ryan: "she was born with it. And she may have absorbed the power of an eldritch god but thats beside the point."

Zagreeus loses hard first round. Jay: "if im zagreeus at this point im pulling out the cheat engine." Ryan: "you think so?" Comona: "i dont think the situations that dire yet, lets give him a little credit." Zag manages to take the second round on Gamer, as something of a gamer.

Jay: "if zagreeus is the son of hayds, then the son of zayus would be hercules?" (pronounced like molecules) Ryan: "no, its herakles, obviously" twist dunks zagreeus

Ryan starts queueing up p. rool and Jay pops off so hard it sounds like he stuck his microphone in his mouth. Jay: "im sorry. I get excited." 

Then machi gets queued up! Baby's first match, quick get the camera. Machi is small and light and Jay expresses concern for his ability to survive P. Rool's heavy hits. Jay: "of course, i have no reason to assume hes lightweight considering he's completely original and resembles no other character." Comona: "as much as i'd like to say Machi will pull out a win here, and I do think he'll get off to a hot start. P. Rool always comes back. Like a boomerang."

Ryan is trying to have hope P. Rool will lose. Jay makes the first comment suggesting something is amiss with regard to Punished K. Rool, saying that P. Rool as he knew him HAD been a huge heel but after eating a loss he'd gone away for awhile and when he returned, he'd thought he'd grown, showing his stuff as an incredibly good but much fairer fighter, and that this regression into heeldom is… odd. Machi's like one of the only fighters ive seen consistently dodge pretty successfully with plum's stupid fucking gun. Powerful little dodgebeast. Got SO close to beating p. rool first round. Machiavelli is so powerful and perfect and also balling <3

The second match is so frustrating because machi is working so hard. and i know it's for naught. Anyway its very funny that they describe Machi's battle prowess as 'playing 5D Chess' when babygirl you KNOW he's eating pieces. A close, exciting game.

Matri vs. Genwun. Jay: "having only played one game in their entire life, I think genwun's experiences- theyre pretty limited, having only played pokemon red and blue. I feel like Genwun's gonna lack the matchup knowledge they're gonna need here that they'd have if they played Literally Any Other Video Game or watched anything but Star Wars."

Ryan clarifies again for someone in chat that Iggy and his collective of friends and companions are the showrunners, staff currently including Squid Jenny as field reporter and Home MD as the field medic.

P. Rool hungrybox at the grocery store copypasta

Matri and Genwun slug it out. Comona: "this match is just- The idealism of being together forever for the rest of your life vs.-" Ryan: "being a genwunner." Comona: "I was gonna say never branching out and being alone your entire life." Ryan, more insistently: "yeah, being a genwunner."

Comona, after Matri takes first stock hard: "that is the only time genwun is ever gonna get something put up his ass." GOD!!!!!!!!!!

Jay: "read that like he was reading their vows!" Matri (Comona): "i do promise to WRECK your ASS in SMASH, in Sickness and in Health," Ryan: "matrimony knight can see the FUTURE hes going 'This Will End In Divorce' and then Finishing It!" Jay: "that was not the matchup of two people who have never met, i think these two have Fought Before, these two have a History." They share no words before starting another fight, and genwun looks pissed.

Matri is said to be steel/fairy type, neither of which being things Genwun understands. Also its noted gender wasnt introduced until gen 2 outside the nidorans, ergo why genwun does not participate. Beloved cringe ass loser nonbiney submission of mine. Genwun gets 2-0'd. 

Sephiroth vs. Zagreeus. Sephiroth gets his makeup from sephora. Jay: "I would love nothing more than for Sephiroth to have stowed away in my trunk, forced himself into the competition and then just got stomped." It took way too long for like the third hit to land, they dance around eachother a lot. They discuss some confusion over the exact functionality of Sephiroth's wing mechanic. Jay: "I mean, its not like this is a game or anything we could just ask sephiroth-" Zagreeus reflects a flare killing sephiroth instantly before he can finish the bit. Despite some striking plays from zag he still firmly loses match one.

Zagreeus is adept in minecraft, sephiroth is a nineties kid ill equipped for modern gaming, despite Sephiroths best efforts zag takes first stock and gets so close to taking the second before seph finishes the match with a commanding comeback. sephiroth does Not congratulate him for doing his best but zag just gives a thumbs up to the rest of the fighters and heads to the cafe to relax. Zag got such a tough hand, dealt twist and sephiroth back to back, lil man fought SO hard

Genwun vs. Machiavelli. Genwun struggles to respect and consider their opponents playstyles for adaptation. Machiavelli doesn't respect his opponents not out of malice but because hes a baby that doesn't comprehend how or why he should.

First match takes place on the Unova Pokemon League. Genwun, upon seeing Shaymin: "the fucks that green thing." Machi LOVES to fake people out with the rock. Genwun doesnt get threestocked but gets sauced on so hard that an Event occurs anyway. They meet up with Matri to discuss something. Genwun has been given pokemon platinum on Nintendo DS. Time dilation occurs, (jay says it might be a side effect of him visiting from his dimension? More space and time intertwined-ness,) genwun speedruns the entirety of pokemon platinum in a near instant, watching the lucario movie while making dinner in the middle of this temporary time bubble and transforms into Genfour. Comona suggests they saw shaymin in the background and were like 'i… dont know that one but… i kinda like it…' and decided finally to give more things a try.

One-winged angel plays. Machi: "why do i hear boss music." Genfour's newfound excitement for new things powers them to take like. the only match they ever have <3 as jay says, genfour might make a friend, something genwun never had, and that friend might just be machiavelli!

Megalovania duck hunt. Genfour looks at retro games and says No. Im Clean Now. Nostalgia was their drug of choice and they Want No Part Of It anymore they want to be a Well Rounded Being Now. 

Comona: "im gonna be real with you i need genfour to win this one, I need genfour to see, purely, the joy in living for the future with other people." Jay: "living your life as it is right in front of you, not restricting yourself in the past." Fun thematic foreshadowing for the rest of the season, methinks, given the coming arc villain, introduced in the next episode and Machi's creator, Dr. O's whole 'gifted kid gone rotten' situation, for what is a gifted kid gone rotten but someone who grew up thinking they were special and better than other people and people used to KNOW that and could not accept the reality when they grew up that they are, in fact, just like any other person. (Reinforced by her ironic fate banished into the distant past and further reinforced by the nccts, where she was explicitly still hung up on high school bullshit.) Cue larry coming in swinging with the revelation to break her- that Some Broke Stupid Petty Criminal Cunt from the Grocery Store with enough Patience Determination Resilience and Willingness to Change and Adapt can do exactly what she does and Better when just given the opportunity because she isn't special <3

Genfour loses, but Machi follows them to the cafe to hang out a while. friends!! Its suggested in his submission info in gaiden 2, iirc, that genfour's original mewtwo form served as 'inspiration' for chessmaster's creation, and unlike Plus he wasn't treated as Brand New, so it feels safe to assume Mach 2 was made sometime between this episode and then- and the first time Dr. Order decided to show herself in the tournament instead of sending experiments or assistants and observing is the next episode. not all her creations go straight to tournament when created- Crimsonaut being Crimson's 'respawn point' and next host following being exorcised from the captain, Order's initial study of Crimson samples from the Grunk's corpse mentioned in the nccts, his created purpose and cover story for hosting crimson, and his being paired with the dimensional bus which has referenced usage in season one suggests both that he at least slightly predates cpuk11 and that direct combat was never what he was made for so there was no reason for him to be involved in it until dr. O needed to stock a full tourney, but Mach 2 was a second iteration of her attempts to make the Ultimate Fighter. Did Mach 2 maybe… do poorly enough in some kind of preliminary testing she didn't even bother sending him to tournament and took that slot herself instead? and was that why she was so particularly harsh to him, despite his not rebelling like Google? Much to think about 

Twist vs. Chilis! The queen of the 5$ margarita and the purple pajama'd mage of the red kraken. They go stock for stock but Chili's is unbreakable. Chat: "after this can they go on a date to the cafe"

Comona: "you gotta remember to watch your back going into an applebees after all this." Jay: "yeah cuz chili's is gonna be right behind you tapping on your shoulder like-" Chili's: "are you sure about that?"

Comona follows this bit with a firm disclaimer not to allow cpu kerfuffle characters to create real-life brand loyalties to things that don't care about you and that the commentators dont really care about either. And that by the way for chili's pricepoint just going to a good local place instead is just practicing self-care, honestly. responsible commentating. 

Again twist and chilis go stock for stock, Chili's losing the second round. Mostly match commentary, but theyre some very entertainingly intense matches. Ryan talks a bit about the Taco Mac clause. Theres some fesh pince jokes in there. Round 3 is similar, with more jokes about the Chili's menu. Serving loaded potato skins. Twist is tipping the waiter with a boot to the head. Twist takes it.

Ryan: "people in chat are shipping twist and chili's which- I will say, the character twist is based on is, i think, ace, but this also is a separate continuity- ive got several continuities- so i'm leaving the shipping up to you guys." Comona: "yeah, any headcanons, any fanons- and, I mean, ace doesn't necessarily mean theres no room for something romantic-" ryan: "yeah!"

P.Rool vs. Matrimony Knight. Ryan: "I hate to say this but I do think p.rool is taking this." Comona and Jay agree with an audible grimace. Matri does not do well first round. Comona and Jay make fun of ryan sneezing like someone who should be in a hospital. P. Rool is, as usual, disgustingly powerful in combat. 

Matri begins to pull out a lead second round. Jay: "P. Rool is never on his final form. Watch him pull out D. Rool." Ryan: "what is that, destroyed rool-?" Comona: "what about ja rool."

Matri manages to take it to round 3, to ryan, comona and jay's joy. But they temper their excitement with 'listen its p. rool. Dont get your hopes up. Dont do it.' They're right to do this matri very nearly gets threestocked and the last stock is matri getting dunked like a fucking basketball.

Losers bracket, Chilis vs. Machi. Comona thinks chili's is gonna win the tournament. Jay thinks Machi is going to be a comeback god, losing at first and then taking it back. First match on mario maker. A stage only left legal because ryan LOVES it because it fucks with the ai. Machi doesnt do well with the random stage at first, but brings it back HARD, nearly a reverse threestock, ending with Machi stealing Chili's sword and fucking Getting Her in a clutch move.

Match two funny zelda tower. Machiavelli in his 'anime arc' after copying chili's. Ryan: "he's just grown hair!" Comona: "He's a growing boy!" Stocks stay pretty even throughout, chili's footstooling to take the final kill. Taking it to round 3!

One winged angel, machi and chilis stock for stock again. Machi's on last stock and the commentators are talking about kid icarus uprising nearly the entire match. Chili's walks off, having learned some things herself and is approached by… some shady individuals apparently involved in creating him. Iggy says to pay them no mind. Don't worry about it. Comona: "...is this like the equivalent of like, if Boston Dynamics entered a robot into a smash tournament?" Jay: "this is like if Boston Dynamics entered a robot into a real actual martial arts tournament."

Swordfight! Sephiroth vs matri. Comona: "the two ends of the spectrum as to what constitutes a sword." Fuckin. wedding butter knife versus masamune the doug dimmadome ass katana.

Matri, hank hill impression: "frame data? Cancels? I Just wanna Grill for gods sake!" Also Matri, teleporting behind Sephiroth: "nothing personel, kid."

Matri does not win. If sephiroth wins the set he's fighting chilis. The next match is mostly match commentary with some family guy impressions for flavor. Sephiroth is the kind of guy who mimes crushing it out of spite when you blow him a kiss. Matri manages to take round two.

Word from the field! Sephiroth is pissed. He knows this could be his last game. Ryan: "hey, comona? You know sonicfox, right?" Comona: "of course." Ryan: "you know how in that one game when he thought he was out, he took his hat off?" Sephiroth takes his shirt off. The limiters are off. Matri does best with plenty of momentum but its hard to keep momentum with sephiroth. Matri's wedding vows (for at least one of his weddings) was the opening of the song Start Of Something New from highschool musical. Sephiroth ends up taking it in the most embarassing, sad, possible choke from matri. Sephiroth puts his shirt back on.

Twist vs P. Rool. Drac's Castle. Furthest a team cracken members ever gotten at this point. Twist racks up damage fast. Comona: "is this like, a dark arts emporium twist likes to frequent? Shes looking mad at home right now." Ryan: "y'know with all the purple, it would make sense within the lore of the red kraken story." Twist takes first stock and dash dances on prool and Ryan's almost crying tears of joy.

Twist gets prool down to one stock, then prool takes his first and gets her to over 100% in seconds and then takes her second, and you can hear ryans heart breaking as the other commentators start submitting themselves to the inevitability of Prool comebacks. Twist does, however, manage to take the first match!

Jay starts to turn around a little on prool, saying his loyalties lie first and foremost with people from his home dimension. Ryan: "i understand it. I dont respect it but i understand it." Twist successfully 2-0s Prool and Ryan feels the most alive he has all tourney. Jay: "he'll be back." Comona: "well of course he'll be back, hes still lurking in the losers bracket." Ryan: "nothing you can say will wipe the smile off my face right now."

Chili's vs. Sephiroth runback! Ryan thinks we're gonna see a 2-1, that sephiroths gonna put up a little more of a fight but chili's is still gonna take it. This proves a good guess with sephiroth taking first stock. Sephiroth wasn't taking Chili's seriously before, but now this becomes a meeting of the minds. Chilis still takes match one. Chili's isn't taking Sephiroth seriously anymore.

TWOOOOOO BANANAS.

Round 2, monkey watch wuhu island. Sephiroth may or may not like monkey watch. Jay: "hes an edgelord but thats like, his dayjob, we dont know what he's into in his freetime." Chilis struggles on Wuhu island because there's too much space for bartending and too many local businesses to outcompete her, and sephiroth takes round 2.

Megalovania find mii. Sephiroth is hearing boss music. Terrifying stock for stock match, but chilis keeps the lead and finishes the match with a vicious dunk in the gap. Comona: "stamping a close set with 'but really, i was winning the whole time.'"

Losers finals, Prool vs. Chili's. After twist, prool can officially bleed so Comona feels no reservations about backing chili's. Prool got pineappled at barely over 20%, but chili's loses her first stock only 40% into Prools next. The match is fast and chaotic but not particularly lore-heavy. Chilis takes round one. Jay: "the way i see it, matches with prool dont even start til round 2." Ryan: "if prool gets 2-0d by twist and chilis both thatd be the lesbianest thing ever. Considering the headcanons running around." Next match is stock for stock again, but Plum finishes it, sending them to a round 3, which ALSO goes stock for stock. 

Jay, sounding sad: "if prool loses here youre gonna make me put him back in the car, arent you?" Comona and Ryan, firmly: "YES." They jinx it. Chili's loses, and prool wins by the skin of his teeth with a violence. Jay, scared: "HOW DOES HE DO IT. I DONT WANT HIM BACK. HE WASN'T LIKE THIS IN MY WORLD. I DONT WANT THIS FUCKER BACK." Comona: "you did this." Jay: "I DIDNT DO THIS! I DIDNT DO THIS! IT WAS YOUR WORLD THAT DID THIS TO HIM!" Comona: "alright, Huey Emmerich!" I know just enough about metal gear to know how grievous an insult this is.

Grand finals. Twist vs. P.rool. Ryan: "im so afraid. Because i know p.rool. I know what he's gonna try to do here." Foreshadowing. Ryans trying so hard to have hope. But i know craken won't have a winner in grand finals until gaiden 5. Jay suggests, as a compromise, that if P. Rool wins, they can let Jacob take championship and pick the rules instead. Ryan remains firm that P. Rool cannot win, its against the rules. If Jacob wants it he can win it himself fair and square. Note how things have shifted from 'i need an excuse to keep p. rool out of championship because hes too strong and i dont want to use the same one i used for dani again' to 'FUCK p. rool, no quarter no compromise he is an object to hate for fun.' Due to a simple shift in the rules which ryan Iggy put there. Makes you thonk dont it.

P. Rool bracket resets Twist. The dread is seeping into Ryan. Jay and comona try to cheer him up by pointing out twist might do better on this stage. Ryan: "I liked it better when she 2-0d him but thats just me." Ryan, later, watching Twist still losing and sounding like hes wilting: "I'd like to see him dead, but thats just me." Comona: "P. Rool's really taking advantage of these layers to the stage." Ryan, becoming sephiroth and trailing off: "uh huh. My immortal rage…" Comona: "Yeah, im struck pretty silent watching P. Rool fight too. Like hes just… sucking the hope out of me." Jay: "Personally I'm feeling pretty good, i gotta be honest." Comona: "be happy if you want i wont judge-" ryan: "i will." Comona: "-but its not gonna stop me from voicing my opinion." Jay: "is now a bad time to share he offered me a cut of his winnings if he takes this?" Ryan: "not very pog." Jay: "dimensional plane tickets are EXPENSIVE." 

P. Rool takes another match. Comona, bitter: "hes just too GOOD. at the GAME." Twist requests a port switch, forfeiting a stagepick in exchange, which prool accepts. The next match goes stock for stock until twist takes it, to Ryan's vicious glee. Comona and Ryan pop off excitedly about port priority. Jay: "I dont think thats real, ryan, i gotta be honest-" Ryan, turning into the fucking green goblin: "WELL, IF YOURE SO CONFIDENT, THEN LETS SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE KEEP TWIST ON PORT ONE, SHALL WE?" Jay: "okay!" Ryan has fully unhinged. 

P. Rool wins. Ryans hit despair. P. Rool calls Jay. Ryan: "kick him off the call. kick him off the call." P. Rool says hes not giving him his money. Ryan: "oh, so youre on OUR side now, now you UNDERSTAND,"

P. Rool championship match. P. Rool vs Valentine. Ryan: "ive said it before ill say it again. This fucker is never going to be champion. Never. as long as I live. So we'll see what we do if he wins this." Comona: "as much as i dont like p. rool he does have spice." Ryan: "yeah he is spicy I just hate him." Jay: "cant believe hes not giving me my money." Ryan: "i can, have you met him?Jay: "its just, i had faith- its not like you guys knew him first!" Ryan: "true."

Jay: "we might need to start a go fundme to send me back to my own timeline." Comona: "the hell does a big fat asshole crocodile need with money anyway?" Jay: "good question." Ryan: "fishing?" Comona: "i was gonna say influencing government but that works." Anyway rip valentine time for another p. rool beatdown. Someone in chat special requests a match with sephiroth. Jay: "lets see who wins- the main villain or sephiroth." Prool decimates him. Ryan decides to take his rage out and beat the hell out of plum himself via Iggy. Ryan: "this isnt for the audience. this is for me." Plum still takes first stock against a human player. It still goes to last stocks. Iggy does win tho.

Twist vs. Valentine bc fuck P. rool. Ryan: "got a lot of haters in the chat mad that I wont acknowledge P. Rools win. But you forget, the 3rd rule of cpu kerfuffle: Fuck P. Rool. Dont blame me, I dont make the rules- well i do but-" Comona: "yeah, Iggy does." Ryan: "right! Take it up with Iggy. Or dont, cuz he'll kill you-" Jay: "i dont know how Jacob, who's just such a good kid, ended up on a team with p. rool." Ryan: "im sure theres some lore reason."

Valentine keeps a commanding hold on his championship, although twist put up a damn good fight. The commentators say, once again, that P. Rool will be returning for the next tournament. Comona: "we are an equal opportunity tournament, that doesn't turn away proven challengers." 

Cpuk14 time! Representing Team Calibur, the team not for becoming the best, but for knowing you already are the best- Doctor order. Right out the gate. 'Ever wonder where all these lab experiments gone wrong and super fighting robots come from? Doctor Order knows, not that she'd tell you. mad scientist/personal trainer who seeks to create the ultimate fighter. Joined team calibur over, say, team cones, as she seeks to reign in chaos, a lofty goal in the face of what cpu kerfuffle is. What's driven her out of the lab and into the spotlight remains to be seen.'

Neither Comona or Jay have seen her in action, not even in jays dimension, although Jay says hes aware of an alternate universe version of her named pablo that's just a totally normal guy. Jay, sounding uncomfortable: "Dont ask me how I know theyre connected." Ryan: "is it the vibes?" Jay: "its the vibes."

Bing! Bing's original submission information says hes a personification of the web service bing and decided to take up fighting because he was tired of being overshadowed by the popularity of Google. Interesting given that Google the person did not yet exist, but future tournaments do in fact insist he's got his complex about that Google. 'also, due to being a search engine, hes very knowledgeable.' LOL. LMAO EVEN. Ryan has high hopes for his results in the tournament. He places 5th.

Returning from CPUK1 for the first time, Dark Jimbo! A hypebeast turned emo. Hes not quite as edgy anymore (thank his therapist) but hes gotten attached to the aesthetic and music and such. Apparently discovered an emerald mine beneath the house and the money from that is whats funding his access to the expense of recurring hair dye and band merch nowadays. Comona expresses that in what hes seen of Jimbo, despite the aggressive, dark exterior, as a fighter he is sort of timid, which might cause him some trouble. But hes been training with his dad, and you cant count him out.

Team Cones! Larry the Florida Man <3. Ryan explains Larry's previous appearances under separate show names, and describes Larry's powers as something that 'awoke' in him. Of course, this is before the Dr. O connection was made, but its fun wording nonetheless. Jay: "as you know, im a very cut and dry commentator." Ryan: "uh huh." Jay: "No jokes. So of course Larry is right up my alley as the most consistent fighter in the tournament." Jay clarifies Larry ironically is pretty consistent in a way, jokes aside, he can perform fairly well in all his shapes. He openly wonders if Larry's ability to perform as well as he does with all his forms is a trained skill, or if it's all instinct. Ryan suggests they'll get Jenny to look into getting an interview about it.

Team Cross. Engineer TF2. They solve practical problems. The commentators proceed to start referencing TF2. I dont know anything about tf2. Jay says he and engie trained under the same fighting master- Superb Mario. Unclear if this is the same character as Mario From Super Mario.

Team Charm, team of all thats good and kind and gay, representative Therapuppy! Chat member: "Thats A Dog!" The blurb for her says, paraphrasing, 'with the introduction of Sephiroth to smash, therapuppy went ahead and signed up for cpu kerfuffle, because god damn Cloud and Samus really are in The Same Game as Sephiroth and Ridley, huh? Damn, kinda fucked up.' funny. funny that sephiroth is directly one of the reasons theras here. Thera's just here to check in on everybody's mental wellbeing and have a good time.

Team Chonk. P. Rool. Jay: "man, fuck this guy. me and p. rool, we're from the same neck of the woods, we're from the next dimension over, and i couldn't make it to a kerfuffle one time so he took my ticket, and he came over here and he started throwing hands and now we can't get him to Leave." Hes jay's ride home so hes been stranded here for 2 weeks and Ryan's been pulling strings to keep him out of the champion's suite and hes heard that P. Rool's getting Very Mad about that. Ryan: "but- fuck it. Its my tournament- its iggy's tournament. Iggy made me do it."

Team Cracken! Whip. Yeehaw. She's a cowgirl bayyyybe. Whip's sea creature accessory is an Electric Eel Whip. Neigh Neigh the horse has never appeared but they live in our hearts. Whip is canonically 'a cringe ass neigh neigh baby.' Vital lore information.

Exhibition match: Squid Jenny vs Chili's! Jenny and Jimbo have the same problem of being good at wracking up damage but struggling to close kills. Jenny is more of a recon specialist than a frontline fighter. Jenny supports all other contestants and is well known and well loved as an upstanding young member of the kerfuffle community. They shake hands and the commentators give their predictions for the tournament, by which i mean, guesses about who has the best chance of making p. rool bleed. Comona and Jay want to see Engie pull it off, Ryan thinks Bing can do it.

Round one, Jimbo vs Engie. Comona: "now, if this were two human players, Id say, now lets buckle in for a 24 minute set," absolutely zero faith in jimbo from jay and comona. The phrase 'not to play crimson's advocate' is used,

Jimbos first match against Engie is so embarrassing that engie throws the poor kid a southern hospitality pity stock next round. A slip of tongue results in the suggestion that engie tf2 is nonbinary. Jay: "i really dont know 'im that well, could be!" Engie: "y'dont need a gender t'solve PRACTICAL problems."

Jimbo manages to do better that next round, on the starfox stage that isnt the plane that i forget the name of, because engie couldn't pick up momentum after that thrown away stock and Jimbo took it and ran with it. Comona: "Jimbo was looking real comfortable up there in the vacuum of space, where I assume he was born…?" Ryan: "hes dadondorf's son, and who knows where dadondorf came from." Everything about dadondorf's background except his immediate familial relationships is an absolute mystery and I think thats delightful. it creates so many questions that will not be answered. He adopted a (Apparently Potentially Alien in Origin.) orphan hedgehog as a son after his birth parents' passing. He married a meat dragon. Jimbo's granddad is a fucking BOAT

Round 3 commences on Mementos. Jimbo's a gamer, but as a persona fan hes never actually played a persona game before, so he might be at a disadvantage. Jimbo has a bit of a panic attack during the set after losing first stock and loses his second with an SD. Jimbo manages to avoid a 3-stock and gets close to taking it to last stock, but no dice. To losers bracket with the poor emo kid.

Larry vs. Whip. Pre-match predictions for larry matches are pointless. donations from real life chat members serve the in-universe/in-character purpose of helping to pay for the high upkeep costs of the stadium and facilities with all these explosive, destructive matches going on here, which is kinda funny. Never seen a tournament arc where they mention the tournaments gotta crowdfund a budget for repairing the stage when someone hits someone else into the floor so hard they leave an anime crater because of how often it happens

Larry pulls out bubblegum banjo on wuhu island. Larry's in whips head, hes in the commentators heads, hes in the AUDIENCE'S heads. nobody knows wtf is goin on but its entertaining and he's winning. Whip is having fun and playing on the ledges. It is not doing her any good. Comona: "yknow, if Larry just had a main he might be one of the best players in kerfuffle history." Ryan: "bold of you to assume his adhd will allow him to focus on having a main." Comona: "thats what im Saying, like, if he Could, but that's just not how life is balanced." Jay: "the way i see it, Larry is so good BECAUSE he doesnt have a main. Hes got that GENERAL knowledge." Comona: "got those fundies down." Ryan: "mhm, a new character could come out today and he could probably beat you with 'em." Larry <3

They discuss how it must be rough for Whip as a newbie to get matched against Larry round one, the unpredictability probably rattling her a bit. Ryan: "I mean, it all depends on what Larry ends up rolling, if Larry rolls something she can deal with then Whip could do well, y'know?" Jay: "a good point." Comona: "mhm. An interesting thing, to not be in control of your own fate." Ryan: "That's why Larry thrives."

Larry rolls Peach, they suggest Whip's experience with her team leader Hoedown might help her some as far as familiarity with the fighting style goes. Larry gets a stitch very early and doesn't even bother to use it just to fuck with Whip. Just to flex. Despite Whip's strong damage lead, Larry takes first stock. Things go down to even on last stock, and whip manages to take one game. They make a game of trying to guess what character larry will be and they're all wrong he's blue dark pit and he decimates whip on warioware

Bing vs. P. Rool. Cue the booing. Bing you're not winning this one. Comona says Bing has been overshadowed by the Green Roy, Google, (before he's even been born,) and is out here to show his stuff as a perfectly respectable player in his own right. Bing has an inferiority complex over a guy that straight up doesn't exist yet. like a kid sibling getting jealous of the new baby getting all the attention before it's even born. Jay: "I have my… feelings, about P. Rool, obviously, but objectively, with my experiences with real life combat because this is all happening in real life, Bing has a sword, but P. Rool has projectiles he has no way to counter. It's coming down to P. Rool on this one." P. Rool has a strong damage lead and Bing Chromicides him about it. Then P. Rool stops him from recovering the next time theyre offstage for an instant. And then destroys his last stock with all the swift ease of swatting a fly. Ryan, terrified: "I THINK P. ROOL'S MAD, GUYS. I THINK HE'S OUT FOR BLOOD?" Jay, similarly shaken: "ive never seen him do that before." Comona: "this has gotten very personal."  Ryan: "im worried for MY safety! Round 2 I guess!"

Bing takes it to Dracula's castle because he saw P. Rool lose to twist here. P. Rool takes first stock so quickly but Bing isnt going down without a fight and manages to take the next game in another very fast match. Bing takes P. Rool's first stock (and his own) in Yet Another Chromicide, truly his signature strategy when fighting a tough opponent is and has always been Youre Coming Down With Me, Fucker, because he struggles to be confident in his ability to win without also completely wrecking his own shit in the process. P. Rool takes game 3 and sends Bing to losers. Bing says he'll see P. Rool again next time, Jay mistakes it for sportsmanship before Ryan clarifies that no he's shittalking like hes gonna decimate that lizard the next time they fight. Truly Bing is this interesting blend of stupid, deeply insecure, and yet profoundly overconfident, all of which compound into a man who is straight up going to get himself killed in the stupidest most unnecessary possible way just trying to prove something noone was honestly asking him to someday

Dr. Order. vs Therapuppy <3 a scientist who's been creating artificial life in pursuit of creating the ultimate fighter aaaaaaand. A therapist. 'That she might probably need.' lol. First round is on midgar, Comona: "which is probably where Dr. Order resides. Big City where people won't uh. Question your experiments." As Therapuppy wracks up almost 90 damage without order landing a single hit, the Commentators guess that Dr. Order is having a hard time mentally psyching herself up to hit a puppy. Jay: "i feel very strongly that Dr. Order is evil, but not cruel." Oh how time will mark you as naive. Therapuppy steals Order's ball with her fishing rod twice and yeets her for the final stock. 

Before round 2, Jay describes Dr. O as someone who has a knowledge of psychology, but like None of the people skills necessary to apply it usefully, unlike Therapuppy whose training in not only that but as a therapist and counselor give her a very particular dominance in the realm of mind games that leaves her with an inherent advantage in this matchup because Dr. Order thinks she knows more than she actually does. Comona references Short Skirt/Long Jacket by Cake in reference to thera. 'I want a therapist with a funny dogy and long, looooong fishing rod.'

the Doctor is nooooot the best as a fighter in terms of skill, but she is described by Comona as a hard hitter and her experience as a personal trainer (and coach, of her creations,) is touted as evidence she knows what it takes to create success and build strength, which. As we see later proves mostly only technically true to any extent of machi and quad, really. Despite this, order does manage to eek out a game two win against thera utilizing deep breathing. Jay: "i think Deep Breathing is some kind of experimental proprietary invention of Dr. Orders because lemme tell ya. I breathe and that doesn't happen." Ryan: "yeah but is your breathing deep." Jay: "gimme a sec lemme try that." Jay leaves. Comona and ryan giggle to themselves about him punching a hole in the wall as gamers are wont to do. Jay, returning: "MILLIONS ARE DEAD." 

Round three goes stock for stock, therapuppy managing some excellent mind games and strategy. Therapuppy's happy to have (hopefully) helped the doctor and with the doctor's 'regular stoic vibe' shes like. "Interesting. I'll have to remember this." And goes to losers. Every cpuk villain starts off as vaguely stoic or otherwise emotionally restrained in some fashion and then just Unhinge at some point

Dark Jimbo vs. Whip Losers round one. Comona accurately predicts its going to be a looooong one, especially so with CPUs. this sets' record for The Longest Match in CPUK History's never been dethroned, and thats probably because it nearly singlehandedly drove the decision to add a timer. Especially funny remembering his dad hamhel fought the shortest, the legendary match from 20 with val that could fit, in its entirety, in one twitch clip. Jay: "dark jimbo has like… powers of darkness, right? Not like evil darkness powers, but like-" Ryan: "I mean, i thought it was just aesthetic, but he could, I mean we've seen stranger." This set runs so long it makes jimbo reconsider his approach to both combat and life itself and in his second match starts putting effort into closing out kills much more. Whip continues to play the patient waiting game and it doesn't pay off. First 2-0 of the night.

Bing vs. Dr. Order. Hell on earth. A point is made of how dr. Order's patient methodical combat mindset just doesnt work for someone who gets up in your face and stays there before you can think like bing does. Round one is on castle siege, which they joke about being microsoft headquarters. Bill Gates lives in a Fucking Castle. Bing keeps the lead for most of the match but Order brings it to last stock with a Fancy set of maneuvers. Heartbreaking: the worst person you know just got away with a sick move. Ryan: "this one isnt open and shut- Bing's an explosive player but eventually that's gonna blow up in his face." Bing takes it.

Ryan: "I think, Dr Order, like whip, thrives with very patient play, but thats not gonna work against bing, who is All About getting up in your face." The commentators agree- Dr. Order needs to adjust her strategy to be more aggressive. She does not do this. Bing also does not change his strats. Comona: "say what you will about Bing- he gets results." Jay: "just maybe not as many as google." lol

After losing, Dr Order pulls out a notebook to start writing something down as she leaves. Ryan: "thats not… something we should be worried about, should we…?" Jay: "this is fine."

Chat asked about them. Gen4's chilling. Is a platinum speedrunner (which is an oxymoron) now

Engie TF2 vs Larrold. Once again no point to predicting the outcome of larry matches, only measuring his opponents' adaptability. Larry rolls luigi and ryan and comona interpret this as Larry making fun of engie for being short. Ryan: "it doesnt feel like Engie is learning, if anything Larry's learning." Comona: "if larry's learning then this whole bracket is over." Ryan: "yeah, larry's a fucking learning computer." Jay: "do we have word from Squid Jenny if Larry can control who he gets?" Ryan: "sometimes. Only sometimes." Larry rolls mega'd man next and does 70 damage before engie can land even one hit, and survives on first stock to 200%. Engie alllllllllmost brings it back but larry still fucking gets him.

Comona: "Larry's really shining now- its good to see this kind of glowup from larry. hes always had some potential but honestly- its kind of- touching, Larry has embraced the chaos inside of himself and isnt hiding anymore, hes not afraid of it anymore and hes just here like 'This is who i am.'" shrimp emotions about this one

P. Rool vs. Therapuppy. Jay just got a phone call. Ryan and comona discuss. From the standpoint of the competition, comonas still pretty sure this is p. rools game, but that he's going to learn more from it than any other match he's ever fought in. Ryan thinks thera might take a game at least. Thera takes first stock despite p. rool's damage lead, and prool takes it to even, but thera makes shockingly short work of p. rool. Comona: "who knew that what p. rool really needed was Fucking Therapy?"

Jay gets a call from a friend in his dimension, and. His P. Rool is still there. He got a snapchat from him hes at quizno's with jacob. Thera starts the second match before the commentators can process this. Who the fuck is this guy because hes Not P. Rool. Jay: "think about it- how many times have i said he wasn't like this in my world?" Comona: "an IMPOSTER? AMONG US?"

P. Rool just has no counter strat for the fishing rod. Therapuppy 2-0s P. Rool, to the astonishment of the commentators. Jay explains after talking more with his P. Rool, that hes never come to this dimension even once for a kerfuffle. It's been this mystery guy the WHOLE time, in a case of identity theft. Chat ponders potential crimson involvement but ryan shoots this down as unlikely and sends Squid Jenny to ask the guy some questions. P. Rool grabs her, changing color with white-hot-rage and promptly starting a battle. This is E. Rool. Enraged K. Rool. 

Ryan: "the therapy didnt Work, hes just Mad as Fuck now!" Comona: "he's resentful about how he's been treated- Which- which i guess is fair, but don't resort to violence against the TO! You're gonna get banned!" Ryan: "way he sees it, we clearly don't give a shit about the rules, why should he?" Comona: "which i mean… he… but we run the event, right…?" Ryan: "i mean yeah, we run the event, but that's just what he's saying." Jay: "realistically I see where he's coming from but identity theft and…" Comona: "but violence is never the answer. Harming your fellow man is…" Ryan: "your fellow squid, even." Comona: "your fellow squid or kid even." They are saying this about bloodsport. They are saying violence is never the answer about bloodsport. Comona expresses hope that this will help E. Rool get the frustration out of his system so he can calm down. Small voice. Small baby bird. and commends jenny for sticking out the fight in the meantime. They describe E. Rool's eyes as glazed over in a blind rage, like he's just absolutely gone, beyond reason. Home MD retrieves Jenny, she's in good condition, just in need of some medical attention. Ryan makes a joke about donating to help pay for jenny's medical bills and then has to clarify for chat that yes you do in fact get medical insurance working for iggy dont worry

E. Rool vs. Jimbo. They do not have high hopes. Jimbo does better than expected with a big target on the small bright stage of prism tower, he keeps it sorta even. E. Rool is playing cruel and cheap, fueled by the rage of both being cheated time and time again, and of being exposed as a fraud. He's so angry that he's just letting himself get hit. In the second round they get a darker stage, and Jimbo's doing better, getting hits in. Comona: "hes like batman, he thrives in the darkness." Ryan: "he is just like batman, in fact i think the fact that you just said that gave him power." He loves batman. One of his idols, jay says. So excited about the comparison. Imagining jimbo in a little batman costume for halloween. adorable. Anyway he footstooled E. Rool about it. Truly jimbo's performance in combat is directly tied to his current self-esteem. Jimbo brings it to last stock but doesn't win. The commentators get scared hes gonna SD again but Jimbo says 'nah those days are behind me now that im BATMAN' and then immediately gets launched into the blast zone. E. Rool: "im da joker, baby."

Bing vs. Engie tf2. Theyre pretty confident in Bing. Jay: "in comparison to bing, engie over heres looking like yahoo." Chat: "bing gonna make engie look like jeeves." Bing gets runover by a boat twice. Bing hates water. Greatest weakness. future lore making this Bing also getting killed instantly by space hornets. The commentators call game one a very overconfident homie game. Engie keeps schmoving around him but Bing manages to take it to last stock, but Engie ultimately 2-0s. Bing tells engie to take care of the big man for him.

Winners Finals. Larry vs Therapuppy. The winners finals noone expected but everyone wanted. The populist's choice. Comona thinks this will be a tough one for therapuppy, because larry is already Very comfortable with who he is, even if, for the good of Society that might be best changed. Hes comfy with the chaos. Therapuppy's goal is making people happy and better and Larry's already got himself figured out. Jay thinks this is still in therapuppy's corner because nobody knows what to do with the fishing rod and he doesnt think larry's an exception. Larry lies to a therapist about being illiterate on international television, potentially to avoid confronting his trauma on the same internationally televised scale. <3 florida schools dont teach you to read but they do teach you to handle gators. Therapuppy presses, trying to get to the root of why not being able to read makes him so insecure, and Larry's probably just doing everything in his power not to laugh. Round 1 goes to thera.

Larry rolls lonk from pennsylvania for round 2 on skyloft, or rather, either lenk from north carolina or lunk from ohio. Take your pick the commentators can't decide, but one way or another he's 'betraying even his origins,' even as the commentators also decide skyloft overlooks florida. Larry gets real silly with this one, takes it to last stock, but Therapuppy 2-0s, sending Larry to losers.

E. Rool vs. Engie tf2. Jay thinks hes too angry right now to fight smart, so engie Might take it. Chat asks if E. Rool is a free agent, and the commentators say they dont know, they dont know much about E. Rool except that hes mad as hell, strong as hell and a Liar. Jay speculates that Team Chonk might consider kicking him out with these new developments. Engie struggles to close a kill without the help of the stage, and no hat is hard enough to stop E. Rool from crushing his skull. The second round is only more painful. Engie manages one funny stock before E. Rool kills him dead.

Losers finals. Larry vs. E. Rool. Utmost excitement from the commentators. Larry pulls out sans hoodie ice climbers to megalovania. They go stock for stock down to the wire and Larry takes it and its legendary i dont need to give the play by play its all match commentary because its So Much that theres just nothing else to talk about. E. Rool: "how did i lose???" Larry, turning back to original form: "heh. maybe its the way you're dressed."

Round 2. Larry rolls Venus skin palu (before venus even exists.) This does not go as well as the ice climbers as far as weird picks goes, E. Rool leads the whole round. Ryan gets mad at Larry doing less well this round and has to remind himself not to expect anything of him and just enjoy the ride. He's not great at Palu, so E. Rool takes it, but Larry started taking it back more toward the end than expected. Lategame matches before voice acting became a bigger part of the format tend to have a lot less lore in them because the commentators are too tense about the actual matches themselves.

Round 3, Larry rolls kirby, its very even, E. Rool bled in his fight with Machi. Its apparent, though, that Larry's more interested in this being a good show than winning, and brings it to last stock even damage, but Larry finally gets yeeted. Commentators express certainty that in terms of raw skill, these two are equals, and Larry lost because the unpredictable factors of his condition simply didnt quite roll in his favor today.

E. Rool vs. Therapuppy. True finals. Therapuppy takes first stock after only moments of doubt from ryan, maintains a lead on at least damage the rest of the first match. Fishing rod inescapable. E. Rool's getting Scared of it, but E. Rool manages to take first round only because he survives to 200% and thera is much more launchable than him. Thera doesnt mind losing- she takes it in stride and goes into their second round with a smile. Round 2, thera makes it to 200% before losing first stock, E. Rool leads this match, until thera spikes him for his second stock. They end up even almost blow for blow on last stock until thera finally smashes him into the blast zone to take it. Round 3, norfair florida. Thera's just having a good time. E. Rool's so mad hes not thinking and its making it difficult for him to learn and adapt to Thera's plays, so thera sticks with the tried and true tactics and things keep fairly even, up until the end. E. Rool bracket resets.

Everyone takes a nice break, things have been way, way too tense in a scary sort of way, but E. Rool seems to calm down, and he and Therapuppy are seen having a talk, (Apparently one reason in-universe there were less visible voiceacted scenes at this point was just not having the sound equipment for it,) and since Jenny's down right now Home fills in for her to check up on things- and E. Rool almost attacks him, but Thera talks him down. The commentators reevaluate- is he really that bad of a guy? Like, he's been playing the heel, but realistically, the only reason he's gotten so angry and unmanageable is because HE'S following the rules and no one else is, and until things hit this boiling point he hadn't really even put up that much of a stink about it, beyond a little complaining. Home MD comes back with a report: his real name. Plum K. Rool. Thats always been his name- there was just a bit of a… mixup, because he shortens it to P. Rool too, and he kinda… ran with it. Played it like a character. A lie he didn't even intend to be telling at first just got too big. 

Thera and Plum run into the reset in good spirits. Plum's doing better taking a step back and just enjoying the ride. Still sucks that he took out his anger on Jenny- and hes not feeling too good about it either- the tournament will surely be followed by apologies, or maybe he'll continue to be a heel about it, but either way the commentators are fine with that- its just good to see the competitors remember that in the end it's just a game, and it's supposed to be fun. A good time. The commentators discuss how dangerous E. Rool clearly was during his blind rage- and how Thera couldve easily gotten seriously hurt if she hadnt been careful. Things go to last stock, even% on round one of the reset, and thera almost takes it but fails to recover. Second round is on mario maker, P. Rool's favorite stage. Cute. Thera takes it, sending it to game 3 of reset on dreamland, final round. The whole sets been electric, down to last stocks of last sets with short leads, P. Rool fearing and respecting Thera's power but ultimately juuuuust clinching a win.

Therapuppy: "Congratulations P. Rool! Im happy for you!" Plum: "b. I. H. i thought. You didnt. You didnt want me to win?" Thera: " course not. You're my friend! Course im happy that you won, why wouldnt i be?" Plum: "yknow what? thanks therapuppy. Thanks." And they have a nice hug.

Ryan claims that if P. Rool actually wins he'll actually let him win this time. Plum K. Rool vs. Captain Valen- hold up. Squid Jenny, who is fine now, getting a report from the field. Val and Plum are talking, and asked Val who his best friend is, and hes got no idea who to say except johannsen. Not sure if he was just caught off guard by the odd question and picked the rat as the first friend that came to mind or if hes genuinely made better friends with the rat in the past month or so than he is with gordo's revenge, visible man or rights sentience but the former feels more likely. Either way Plum wants to make the champion bout a team doubles match to celebrate his victory with the only person who's really rooted for him. Thera says she would've done the same. Val and jojo have pretty good team synergy. It goes down to thera vs. val on last stock and val takes it, remaining champion. Comona: "where valentine goes, johannsen follows." Ryan: "yeah, ever since dantoinette kind of- yknow."

And so dusks the P.rool arc and the dawn of Spoiler alert! doctor order being the Worst rises.

[xsadcorebenji]

.

thank fuck for the sun

thank fuck it’s not raining

and the best anime i saw in recent years was

paranoia agent,

darling in the franxx,

the inexperienced me, the experienced you (whatever the fuck the order was),

mashle,

go go loser ranger,

and the best games i played were

TOTK,

Pokemon Violet,

Yakuza 0,

little goody two shoes,

super mario rpg remake

… damn have i not been playing a lot of impactful games what the fuck… can’t trace these off the dome???

best manga,

wotakoi,

little witch academia,

go go loser ranger,

platinum end,

hmmmmm

i really liked Parasite the Grey

and i keep rewatching Beekeeper and Mr. Nobody and Mary is Happy, Mary is Happy,

thank fuck for purity ring, yeule, and cold cave for making continuously good music for the past few years cuz baby

i need it

best books,

how to do nothing by jenny odell,

pachinko by min jin lee,

attached by (those doctors),

this one i’m reading by murakami is gonna be an instant fave i can feel it,

and all the sadsack osamu dazai novels have been nice

looking forward to the YGO collection release

Lunar remake release

Tron Ares

Sonic 3 movie

got a few days off this week so thank fuck for that,

hanging out with a buddy tomorrow so thank fuck for that,

and i don’t know

fuck it,

i’m just overworked and exhausted hahaha

give me back ten years ago so ppl were more down to hang and play couch co-ops with me,

fuck,

give me back TWO years ago, so i can be stoked for Shin Ultraman and Shin Kamen Rider all over again

fuck, i miss my advanced TMS sessions,

my therapist,

my 3 hr gym sessions,

and fuck the earth

who needs the world as long as i got the sky?

christ, i’m doing the most to survive in the deepest black hole i ever damn well lived

i’m doing the most to survive in the deepest black hole i ever damn well lived

i just want to fly again

i love the sun

so burn me alive

and thank fuck for my struggle buggle lifestyle

so i never stay imprisoned to suffocating conveniences and comforts

thank fuck for the sun

especially today

thank you

fucking thank you forever

[barneyandthepoetrymuse]

Four star ranting hotel…..

Don’t invite your mates around…or be a kid

…..slash on the seat and leave up the lid…

Your dad’s been in first and left you a skid

Bubbling a matey bath…smellin’ like shit…..

Do as you’re told…you don’t have a choice…

Apparently boys…make unacceptable noise…

Maybe it’s the grown ups…getting overly annoyed…

and not the stroppy children………..throwing out their toys…..

Ask the shrinky dinks if I’m a cereal…bar…?

Hand me the keys…to your match box cars…..

Turn off the lights…dim down the the stars……

Put me on the spot but shine it right past…..

The old man must’ve snuck…off to the bar…..

Father fuckmas is getting his…clobber out the car…

This is the year my dad…must’ve been asked…

He’s wearing a stupid beard…not a bloody mask…..!

He’s already got the gut..leave the cushions where they are…..

“You’ve been a little cunt this year…..you‘re having a fuckin’ laugh…..!”

“You ain’t getting the toys you want…or that guitar…..”

………………..Now fuck off my knee and stick your Christmas up your arse…..

Somehow he’s surprised…I know that it’s him…..

I got myself slapped for mentioning it to my cousin…..

More happy days at the social club in Merstham…..

Festivities that year were missing a person!

……….How to make a humiliation graph…?

……….Tack to the wall a seven day chart…

……….I don’t know if I ever got that far…..

Piss the bed and miss out…on a gold star…..

Jump me before anyone appeals for calm…

Bash me up…don’t take me in your arms…..

Who gives a fuck…..all with my regards…..

What did you get out of making it so hard……?

Jenny’s new year, Christmas of the telly…

More glitz that day than Liza Minnelli…

Gifts back then were…mean on the pennies…

We sat on the stairs while she opened her presents….

Guests in the house…reality check tenants…

Joker faced we didn’t…break for our parents…

We used to make…..escape plans together…..

And we vowed…..we’d always treat our own kids better…..

Backhanders back then weren’t worth the wait….

Paper round cash to take Claire on a date…

………I saved in a bottle for fourteen days…

Fourteen quid……for a movie and a bowling lane……..

My twin brother wasn’t exactly my best mate….

The fat bloke next door kept coming through the gate….

Complete disrespect for his neighbour and mate…..…

Banging at the the bins with a fag on his face…………….cunt!

The gang is gathering out at the front of the estate…

Under the lamppost…..where they tend to congregate…….

Even little Buzz was allowed out to play….

Everyone but us were allowed out a bit late…

Eurythmics and London 0 Hull 4…..

That was one of the shitmass's before…..

Get the hump and torture us some more…

Bonny fucking Tyler and piss off you couple of cunts……

The OCD was getting out of hand…..

How do you even start to understand……?

Hallucinations and mental gastric bands…

Once they cycle starts in forever expands…

…Maybe it wasn’t all that bad….or even that real…..

Climbing a mountain and going down hill…..

Why doesn’t anybody…..know how I feel…..

It’s not…wizard of Oz why I’m clicking my heels……

All out of whack and all being well…..

I’m staying at the four star ranting hotel….

How well it’s going…I wish I could tell…..?

It’s just down the road…opposite hell…..

[crystal234]

CHAPTER ONE;~FIRST KISS FIRST MEETING.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was an unexpected weather change in the city of Paris,it began with a slight drizzle before

switching to an unexpected heavy rainfall which caught everyone off guard.

Jenny panicked, looking for a shade to avoid catching a flu as she was soaked all over.

She had ressed simple on that day,just wanting to take a peaceful stroll around the city of paris

before the rain ruined her plans.

Finally finding a shade near a restaurant,she hurriedly walked towards it ,wrapping her hands

around her body.

"Fuck!!'m all wet." She muttered as she brought her long black hair to the sides,squeezing the

water out of it.

"Why.....why did it have to rain now." She said shivering as she wrapped her hands around her

body.

At that moment, a tall lean guy approached were she had stood shivering like a sick bunny.

"Hey."'he greeted

She just smiled politely as a response as she tried to keep herself warm.

" here ,you can use my jacket."he offered as he noticed her shivering

"Uhmmm...no thanks." She said giving him some space as he stood too close beside her.

"Its okay if you don't want to take it,l was just trying to help."He stared at her for a moment.

" am i making you uncomfortable. "He calmly asked.

" I'm sorry for my..

....enny said trying to keep herself warm

"No...no need to apologize." He hurriedly said.

"Let's go inside the restaurant, it would keep you warm. Rather than battling with cold." He

suggested.

He was a dressed in black,he was tall and handsome more like a demi god with symmetricalfacial features and broad shoulders.

On entering the restaurant,the at across each other on in a table.

Jenny kept her eyes on him,studying his every feature and his moves.

"I never asked for name." She said.

"Royale" He simply replied as he called the waiter and ordered coffee.

"How about you?" He turned his attention back to her again.

"Uhmmm...." She hesitated.

"My name is jenny." She slowly said with a shy smile.

He smiled back after noticing her adorable behavior.

After a while at the restaurant, the heavy rain reduced to a little drizzle.

"The rain reduced." Royale said as he smiled at her.

While at the restaurant, they had kept each other busy with their conversations.

"Ohhhh...... can finally go home." Jenny excitedly said.

Royale immediately stared at his phone screen."its 1Opm."he said.

"What!!1 0 pm!!" Jenny exclaimed as she stared at the busy city outside through the transparent

window.

"Do not let Paris deceive you." he joked

..where do you stay.??l can drop you off." He offered.

"Its not too far...I would have rejected the offer,but the thing is I'm too scared to walk there

alone by this time." She said as she fidgeted with the hem of her clothes.

"Okay then....good enough you just got yourself a knight in shinning armour." He said as he

immediately stood up and picked up his jacket.

"Where is the shinning armour..... Who is the knight." She fondly said.

"All I see is a guy with a flat chest,dressed in black." She continued.

"What!" Royale exclaimed.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

After they left the restaurant, Royale drove jenny home.

"Thank you for the ride" Jenny said as she was about to open the car door but royale immediately

locked it.

"Are you just gonna leave."'he asked as he intently stared at her.

" uhmmm.

.was there anything else I was supposed to do asides appreciation. "She frowned.

" well. ..this is France....there is another way to show appreciation asides just a simple thank

you. "He smiled.

Slowly, he leaned towards her, his lips almost brushing against hers.

He stared deeply into her eyes, while jenny only sat there numb as she couldn't move a muscle.

" you are beautiful, do you know that?? "He whispered as he brought his lips to her ear,his slow and steady breath fanned her neck.

Jenny tried to move and as if he knew her next move he pinned her hands to the sides of the chair ,then slowly he captured her lips kissing her with a slow pace.

He savoured the taste of her lips as he nibbled on her lower lip and upper lip,kissing. her romantically, as he left her hands and used his thumb to caress her lower lip,slowly and gently.

After a while of the sweetness, he broke the kiss as he stared at her with his eyes carefully studying her every expression.

Jenny did nothing but gulped down as she nervously returned the stare.

The gazed into each others eyes, as jenny's breath was unstable.

After the long gaze,jenny immediately tried opening the car door.

Royale got the message and unlocked the door as he watched her run into the house like a high

school teenager who just kissed her crush.

"Jenny." He whispered to himself. With a mysterious smile he started the car and drove away.

TO BE CONTINUED<><><><>

[jennycalendar]

arch-nemeses

read it on ao3!

“Oi, wanker,” Ripper was shouting after him, “your band can’t play for shit, you know that?”

Spike turned, long coat whirling out in a way that combined grace and manliness, and shot back, “My band plays a damn sight better than your band. What do they call you? Wretched? Sounds about right, doesn’t it?”

for @jackalopingintothevoid!!! i’m pretty sure you’ll know what this is from the summary.

this is a horribly short thing, and i will have to eventually write u one or more very long fics, bc i have a few ideas. left u a longer note on ao3; love u bunches <33

there is no actual resolution or character growth because this is ethan and he learns nothing, ever. i love him.

Ethan wasn’t threatened by Ripper’s girl. He’d met her a handful of times, showing up to cause a bit of havoc just because he felt like it, and she’d always struck him as a girl with an uninterestingly kind heart, which didn’t really threaten him. He wasn’t bothered by Ripper having some annoyingly pretty little angel of a girlfriend, largely because he knew that he was still Ripper’s unbelievably sexy arch-nemesis, and really, that worked better for him. All the delicious sexual tension, the lingering animosity…it suited him much better than the nauseating domesticity that was Ripper and his girl.

And then came Spike.

“You fucking ponce,” Ripper was shouting as Ethan entered the Bronze, held back by his Slayer, his girl, and that annoying boy who was always wearing heelys. “You dye your hair, you piece of shit, c’mere and tell me to my face that I’m a poser!”

“Seriously?” said Ripper’s girl, who appeared to be trying to hold Ripper back and check her Snapchat at the same time.

Ethan, of course, operated under the reasonable assumption that these threats were directed at him. After all, who else would Ripper be threatening? No one else inspired that level of anger, or that delightfully sexy look of bone-crushing fury in Ripper’s eyes—

“You’re. A. Poser.” A British bloke with bleached hair, unbelievable cheekbones, and a clearly-vintage leather jacket stalked over to Ripper, all but growling. “And don’t get all up in my face with me, Watcher-boy, I could snap you like a twig!”

“You’re not half as able to snap me as you think you are,” Ripper shot back.

“You sure you don’t wanna just compare dicks and be done with it?” snarked Ripper’s girl, adding a determined tug to Ripper’s arm for emphasis. “Rupert, seriously, this is such a waste of time—”

“Fuck off, Janna,” said Ripper.

“What was that?” said Ripper’s girl, raising an eyebrow.

To Ethan’s amusement, Ripper winced, reconsidered, and said solemnly, “I love you, Janna.”

“That’s better,” said Ripper’s girl. “Spike, do you really have to start this bullshit after he’s had a few beers? He always starts getting punchy when he drinks—”

“I have had more than a few beers,” Spike announced, “and I should like to punch something. And I think it should like to be your boy toy’s face.”

“I’m not her boy toy,” Ripper objected. Behind him, the Slayer and the heely-boy exchanged doubtful looks. “And I’m gonna punch your face first. With my face.”

“Does that mean they’re gonna make out?” the Slayer asked Ripper’s girl.

In response, Ripper’s girl smirked, sort of shrugged, and went back to her phone, as though this sort of confrontation between Ripper and Spike was par for the course. And that infuriated Ethan, because how dare Ripper have regular confrontations with someone who wasn’t him? He’d barely been out of Sunnydale for two months this go-round, and this time he had something really terrible up his sleeve, and now he was here only to find Ripper ready to fight and/or drunkenly snog someone who wasn’t him?

It was time for direct action. Ethan strode up to the group. “Hello, Ripper,” he began, flashing his most winning smile.

Ripper, however, didn’t so much as turn around, because Spike was stalking away in the direction of the stage. “Oi, wanker,” Ripper was shouting after him, “your band can’t play for shit, you know that?”

Spike turned, long coat whirling out in a way that combined grace and manliness, and shot back, “My band plays a damn sight better than your band. What do they call you? Wretched? Sounds about right, doesn’t it?”

“IT’S A FUCKING STATEMENT,” shouted Ripper, and took advantage of his friends’ distraction to charge after Spike. Grinning furiously, Spike shoved his way through the crowds, jumping up onto the stage before Ripper could reach him.

“Yeah, I’d give that one up if I were you,” said Ripper’s girl, smirking at him like she knew what he was trying to do.

“Go fuck yourself,” said Ethan.

“Always good to see you, Ethan,” said Ripper’s girl, whose name Ethan was still refusing to remember. “Sucks that Ripper isn’t paying attention to you, huh?”

“He’s not paying attention to you either,” Ethan shot back savagely.

“Of course he isn’t,” said Ripper’s girl, looking at Ethan like he was a complete idiot. “He and Spike have this whole weird thing. He and I have a whole not-weird thing. It’s a thing.”

“Yeah, Ethan, get with the times!” piped up heely-boy. Ethan really, really hated heely-boy.

“I’m his weird thing,” Ethan persisted. “Not this Spike pillock. That accent is rubbish, and that coat is a fake, and, and, cheekbones,” he finished furiously, glaring at the stage. Spike was playing the drums very badly and pretending to ignore Ripper, who was jumping up and down in the crowd just to repeatedly flip him the bird.

“Aww,” said Ripper’s girl. “Are you jealous?”

“Shut up,” said Ethan.

“You so are!” said Ripper’s girl. She was grinning like Christmas had come early. “You think your position as his idiot arch-nemesis is usurped by a guy who looks way cuter than you!”

The Slayer gagged. “Jenny,” she said, “I have said this before, and I will say it again: you have terrible taste in guys.”

“I’m not saying Spike is cute,” said Ripper’s girl. “I’m saying, objectively, as a guy, he looks incredibly attractive.”

The Slayer considered this, then nodded. “Fair enough,” she said.

“He is not attractive,” said Ethan. “You could cut glass with those cheekbones. He looks emaciated.”

“He’s a vampire,” said heely-boy helpfully. “That kinda adds a good twenty points to the hotness factor.”

“Well—that’s—I could be a vampire!” Ethan sputtered.

“Yeah, but you’d actually look emaciated,” said the Slayer. “Spike was probably born with those cheekbones.”

“You’re just talking him up to make me angry,” said Ethan stubbornly. “He’s boring. Anyone can prance about onstage with a guitar—”

“Wait wait wait shut up,” said Ripper’s girl, smacking Ethan’s arm and holding up her phone. Ripper was throwing empty plastic cups at Spike. “I need this on video,” said Ripper’s girl.

Ethan stared, infuriated. “HE’S PROVOKING A VAMPIRE,” he shouted. “AND NONE OF YOU ARE BOTHERED BY IT?”

“Spike and Ripper cut a deal,” said the Slayer. “Kind of. He doesn’t feed on people in the Bronze, and I don’t stake him when he’s onstage playing his loud, annoying band music.”

“Plus he has a pretty serious girlfriend,” added Ripper’s girl. “They’re really cute. You know. For a murdery vampire couple.” She smiled a little. “Dru gave me a dead bird once.”

“I am not threatened,” said Ethan. “I am not threatened by Mr. Cheekbones and his stupid drums.”

“Suuuure,” said Ripper’s girl, drawing the word out into an American drawl and ending it with a lipsticked grin.

Ethan Was Not Threatened By Mr. Cheekbones And His Stupid Drums. Ethan could set a whole bunch of things on fire, more than bloody Spike and his bloody leather jacket and how dare Ripper throw empty plastic cups at Spike? Throwing relatively harmless objects at each other was strictly Ripper-And-Ethan territory, not Ripper-And-Spike territory, and Spike should go step into a well-placed ray of sunlight.

He made himself feel better by turning all the toothbrushes in Sunnydale’s local dollar store into flesh-eating slugs that grew every five minutes.

“Ethan, for the love of fucking god,” said Ripper, rounding the corner with a flesh-eating slug somehow affixed to his jacket, “what is the point of this?”

“Chaos,” said Ethan, tried to whirl in that graceful-yet-manly way Spike had managed, and fell into a lamppost.

“Yeah, I figured that,” said Ripper, waving his arm to try and shake off the slug. It didn’t seem to be working. “But your plans are usually more—”

“Dramatic?”

“I would’ve gone with fucking obnoxious, but fine.” Ripper waved his arm again. The slug came off and hit a wall, growing by a good five feet in diameter and leaving a small crater in the cement. “Dramatic works just as well, I s’pose. Why the fuck—”

“It was the first thing I could think of,” said Ethan. “Not exactly up to par, but then you seem to have lowered your standards, haven’t you?”

“Is this another dig at Jenny?” said Ripper sharply, already raising his fists. “Because if it’s another dig at Jenny—”

“I’m not talking about the boring little American,” said Ethan, rolling his eyes. “I’m talking about your new boyfriend Mr. Cheekbones.”

Ripper dropped his fists. He looked genuinely bemused. “What?”

“The vampire?” persisted Ethan. “Poncy boy? Billy Idol knockoff?”

Ripper rolled his eyes. “You’re not serious,” he said. “Spike is a pain in the arse, is all. I’m with Jen and she’s with me and that’s as far as seeing anyone goes—”

“Nauseating,” said Ethan, who had forgotten how annoyingly much Ripper talked about his girl. “And don’t feed me that garbage. All you did last time I was at the Bronze was shout at Cheekbones and tell him how terrible his hair was.”

Ripper stared at him. Slowly, he said, “Ethan, I don’t know if you know this, but telling someone that their hair is terrible doesn’t automatically mean you want to snog them in an alley.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were aware,” said Ethan, “that you already have an arch-nemesis with intense sexual tension. Do you want to know who it is?”

“No,” said Ripper, and started walking away.

Ethan followed. “It’s me,” he informed him. “Me. I’m your arch-nemesis.”

“It’s not a self-appointed bloody position,” said Ripper. “Stop trying to make yourself my arch-nemesis. It’s annoying.”

“That’s the point,” said Ethan, and picked up the flesh-eating slug, lobbing it at Ripper’s head before it could start eating him. It latched onto his jacket.

“For fuck’s sake,” said Ripper, balled up the jacket, and threw it at Ethan, beginning to walk faster. Ethan dodged the jacket, continuing to follow.

Ripper rounded a corner, then grinned; his girl was straddling a motorbike, giving the both of them an impatient look. “Here’s my ride,” he said. To his girl, he added, “Jenny, you were right. Ethan’s jealous of Spike.”

“I’m right about everything ever,” said Ripper’s girl. “How is this a surprise?” She leaned over, grinning as Ripper kissed her, and moved up on the motorbike so he could get on behind her. “Don’t worry, Ethan,” she said. “We all still think you’re terrible and evil and shit.”

Ethan resented the fact that he liked Ripper’s girl a bit more for saying that, so he just glowered in return. “I could hex your motorbike, you know,” he told her.

“I put wards on it for that exact reason,” said Ripper’s girl, and made a pleased little noise as Ripper wound his arms around her stomach. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” said Ripper. To Ethan, he added, “You are an annoying little shit and you need to get your nose out of my business,” and then buried his face in his girl’s shoulder as the motorbike set off.

“You’re not wearing a helmet,” Ethan shouted after him, which wasn’t particularly witty, but Spike had thrown him off his game a bit.

The next time Ethan showed up at the Bronze, Ripper and Spike were sloppily making out in one of the secluded couches. Delighted at the potential to sow seeds of chaos, he immediately started looking around to see if Ripper’s girl was anywhere near the scene.

She was. She had her phone out and was snapping a picture of them.

“For fuck’s sake, Calendar,” said Ethan, too infuriated to remember that he had been determined not to use Ripper’s girl’s name. “You don’t care that your boy toy’s snogging Billy Idol?”

Pocketing her phone, Calendar gave the pair a fond smile. “They pull this shit all the time when they’re drunk,” she said. “Then they pretend it never happened, so I have to get photo evidence to tease Spike about. If I could, I’d tease Ripper too, but I can’t really tease Ripper about dumb choices he made when he was drunk, ‘cause, uh,” and then she touched her lips and got a strange smile on her face, “I’m definitely a good percentage of those dumb choices. So.”

“Spike is usurping my position,” said Ethan.

Calendar snorted. “Please,” she said. “Spike couldn’t usurp your position if he tried. You’re the actual worst, Ethan, and we all know it, so would it kill you to let Ripper have a generally harmless rivalry that sometimes ends in drunken makeouts?”

Ethan decided to focus on the part of the sentence where Calendar called him the actual worst. “You’re all right, Calendar,” he informed her.

“Wow, and your good opinion means so much to me,” said Calendar, who was already heading in the direction of the dance floor.

Ethan watched her go, nodded to himself, and decided he would come back in a month and try to set her hair on fire.

[missgoalie75]

ugh I really hate vanessa and nate so much.

[lythecreatorart]

Ly’s scribble vs sleepiness of driving school

Lil Emma

Summarize the plot of “Blur” in two pictures..

Mako and her besties, Jenny.

The clubby Mermaid, “Blur” (6years later and still don’t give her name yet😅😅)

Ryu & Mako, “Blur”