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calamitoustide · 7 months ago

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Lily, oh Lily I just loathe you lately...

microfic - jegulily/regulily - 1.7k

It started with a kiss.

One Regulus wasn’t even included in. He wasn’t even there, he didn’t see it, and yet he replays it in his head almost constantly. It’s the first thought he has in the morning, he carries it with him through lunch. White knuckles braced against the table as he stares longing towards the other side of the hall, his ears ringing and he can’t hear anything anyone is trying to say to him. His friends all make comments but he doesn’t notice them. His mind is too loud, thinking of soft skin and eyes that bite. He forgets his notes, it doesn’t matter, they’re not even there. He lays awake at night unable to close his eyes without thinking, thinking, thinking.

He should be thinking about James. He should be obsessively counting his every step. It’s how this whole thing started. James is everything, he hung the moon, and every single star in the night sky. He walks around the halls calling out to everyone by name, his smile hung wide across his face. And yes, Regulus thinks of him. He thinks of his sweat covered skin as he skips off to the locker rooms after practice. He thinks of him drunkenly coming up to him, leaning close to his ear to whisper nonsense. Even if he can’t understand it Regulus clings onto every single word. He thinks of how he looks in the morning, a sight Regulus has only seen a handful of times and yet he cherishes it like it’s the world. He thinks of his hair all messed up, and his eyes wide and soft like an infant. He thinks of him stretching out his exhaustion and the little moment his shirt lifts up to reveal what’s underneath. He thinks and he thinks and he thinks, but he’s not looking over at him. He’s looking at her.

The rumors of James Potter and Lily Evans finally working it out spread like wildfire. It’s embers branching out until there wasn’t a single person who didn’t know about it. Their kiss happened in the middle of the Gryffindor common room, apparently no one was there, but there are always sources. Always whispers. Regulus woke up to a burn to his cheek, and a crackling outside of his window. His friends looked over at him, pity drowning in their eyes, but none of them said anything. None of them knew how. It was Pandora who finally brought him over, holding his hands gently as she broke him the news. He can’t remember his reaction. He just remembers the moment his face dropped, but he wasn’t thinking of him, he was thinking about her.

He never minded Lily Evans before, he barely gave her a second glance. He saw her sometimes in the library, she always sat alone, pushed in the back. Even in the darkest parts of the castle the sunlight always tended to reach her. It covered her and highlighted every freckle on her face. Her eyes were always soft with contemplation, but Regulus didn’t care for her much. He always heard about James’ crush on her, of course he did, but he never cared. He didn’t think it would go anywhere. He thought to himself Lily Evans was as blind as a person can be for rejecting James. He could never understand it. How could she get James to even so much as look at her and not truly understand what that meant. How much other people would die for him to look at them like that. Resentment climbed in his liver, it overwhelmed him. Before it was a scoff at any remark. It was an eye roll at the stupidity of Lily for thinking James would just be there when she realized how daft she was truly being.

Though the only stupid person truly was Regulus, for James was there waiting for when Lily finally opened her eyes. He was there to chase after her, like the tail-end of a shooting star. James ran circles around her, watching her like she was everything, like she was his entire world. He held open every single door for her. He’d make himself bleed for an ounce of her attention, and she never never cared. She never cared before now, but Regulus has been here. He’s been here and Lily just walked the epitome of angel dust to smile and beckon James over to her like he’s a dog on a leash she’s holding.

“Regulus,” Pandora’s voice catches him out of his retched mind.

“What?” Regulus snaps, not taking his eyes off her. Her with her perfect skin. Her with her perfect everything.

“You’re going to drill a hole in her head, you know,” She comments.

Regulus finally releases his gaze, “What are you talking about?”

It’s just the two of them. Barty and Evan ran off somewhere, and Dorcas well she’s always with Marlene now anyway. Pandora looks over at him softly, her eyes filled with pity, “You don’t have to pretend you’re looking at James when it’s just me.”

Regulus furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head, “I’m not just looking at her.”

“You’re looking at both of them?” Pandora suggests.

“Yeah,” Regulus answers, lies dripping from his mouth.

Pandora smiles, “James walked away five minutes ago.”

Regulus head whips aside to find her right. It’s only Lily, laughing at something one of her friends are telling her. She throws her head back like she’s a little kid. Coated in innocence in a kind of nostalgia not many people can reach towards. Sunlight nips at her face as her nose crinkles in a laugh. Her beauty endless, it’s like a knife to Regulus’ skin. Every perfection he finds in her is a scar on him.

“Regulus?” Pandora calls out again, as if she’s talking to a child. “Is there something you need to tell me?”

“Like what?” Regulus grumbles, looking back down at his plate, trying to fight the pull to look over at her. It’s like he’s under a spell, he’s certain she’s behind it. She wants him to look at her. She wants for all of this. She’s out to get him. He looks up again. She’s still sitting there. Why is she still there? Shouldn’t she be off chasing after James? Shouldn’t she be at his feet beck and call? Shouldn’t she be giving him the world right now? Why is she still just sitting there?

Pandora hums, “Nothing.”

Regulus looks over at her, “What’s your problem?”

“You’re torturing yourself,” Pandora tells him.

Regulus hesitates, he opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. In any other world this would be torture. He’s staring off at the girl who’s got the one thing he’s been begging for his entire life. He’s never wanted something as much as he’s wanted James. Looking over at Lily should be torture. It should kill him. It is. It’s the sweetest kind of torture. It’s a twisted lullaby. It’s a stinging on his cheek.

“Unless,” Pandora starts, “You want to be looking at her.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Regulus says quickly.

Pandora reaches out to grab his hand, “I’m gonna hold your hand while I tell you this.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Regulus tries to cut her off but when Pandora gets something in her mind it’s hard to resist it.

“I did it with James,” Pandora explains quickly. “I’ll do the same now. You’re in love with Lily Evans.”

“I am not in love with Lily Evans,” Regulus argues.

Pandora narrows her eyes, “You’re not?”

“No.”

“Why are you staring at her?” Pandora asks.

“She’s with James,” Regulus answers weakly.

“Why aren’t you watching him then?” Pandora questions. “Do you even know where he is? You used to always know, you used to have his schedule perfect.”

Regulus shrugs, “I’ve gotten busy.”

“Right,” Pandora scoffs. “So you wouldn’t mind if I called her over here.”

“Pan��“

Before he can even finish Pandora is raising her hand. Shouting out across the hall, “Hey, Evans!”

Regulus scrambles for something to hold, to bring Pandora’s hand down and stop her from this, but it doesn’t do any good. Lily’s already looking over, her eyes dazzling in the sun. The rest happens like a dream as she leans over to her friends explaining that she’ll be going. She walks over on clouds and then she’s in front of him. His stomach ties itself together. His mouth opens but nothing comes out.

“Hey,” Lily says, leaning across the bench to put her hands on the table. Her perfume reaches Regulus’ nose and it’s overwhelming, it’s making him slip back, like he’s in an ocean, drowning in all the waves.

“Hi,” Pandora replies.

Both of their gazes go towards him, but Regulus is only looking at her.

Lily smiles with his silence, he wants to kill her. She looks away and he wants to kill her even more, “You still working on that potion?”

“You know it,” Pandora tells her. “It’s close to being done now.”

Regulus doesn’t care what they’re saying. He just watches Lily. He can’t look away. She’s the greatest thing that’s ever existed, and she’s got James Potter wrapped around her finger. Its should be him.

She doesn’t stay long. Before she leaves she looks back over at Regulus, “Goodbye, Regulus.”

“Bye,” he forces out, his tongue resting uncomfortably in his mouth.

She laughs, it’s as soft as fresh daisies and she’s doing him in, “You’re cute,” she says, like it’s nothing, like it’s not eating Regulus whole. “I’ll see you two around.”

Then she’s gone again. Walking down the hall, her hair blowing behind her like a fucking magazine ad. There can’t be someone that perfect. She’s just a person. She’s nobody. She’s the one James wants. She won his heart over. She’s the one lying beside him. And all Regulus wants is to lie when she lies. Lily Evans is poison and it’s slowly driving Regulus mad. She’s everywhere, like a call of the wind. He’s nothing worshipping at her feet, it makes him uneasy.

“So,” Pandora breaks the echoing silence. “Not in love.”

Regulus swallows thickly, his eyes still stuck in the last place she was, even if she’s moved on, “Not in love,” he forces out.

The ache is endless, and bullets line his skin. A scar for every beauty, for which Lily Evans has infinite.