#and ive had conversations with my someones that are like

[neatalchemist]

how i would react to the characters if i had to talk to them/be around them irl but im avoidant

kuras: i would not speak a word for a Long while. id stay a couple feet away too, intimidated asfuck and also hes so pretty i wouldnt be able to say anything, id definitely look up to him and see him as someone to behave more like

leander: would still stay a few feet away because id be attracted to him and i cant be around people im attracted to. would talk to him but probably remain mostly quiet, so hell have to lead the talk. but wed definitely be friends because hes friends with Everyone

vere: i wouldnt be around him LAWLLLL id probably. text. or email. Fuck it send a pigeon, but if it had to be verbal id probably keep it short and shoot down any of his stabs at me(physical and verbal) and id probably(i know fs) hate him. ENEMIES

ais: same as vere. but his vibe is quieter so id probably be distanced physically talking and have a normal conversation he seems sane enough ignore the dev post. we could be acquaintances?

mhin: i dont think any of us would talk, like with the rest id talk because Theyd maybe talk to me, this here nope. wed be sitting at different sides of the rooftop and not even look at eachother because Again i cant be close to people i like because if i had to talk to them face to face id constantly be red and constantly bully them. but id absolutely start talking if we hung out more and then theyd beg me to leave them alone(never)

ren(14dwy): i would be sorta reluctant to talk to ren because of his soft aesthetic, but id probably do anyway, it would be a lot easier to talk to him, and again, stay at a distance and like. talk about anime? wed be friends :3

sol(tkatb): same as with mhin, i dont think wed talk Or be around eachother unless there was a reason to. id definitely be Scared but also Turned on mysteriously(as i am now) and be envious of his fucking OUTFIT AND HAIR, but if wwe kept hanging out cuz im sure id get along w hyugo, then we could for sure be friends

crowe(tkatb): probably be acquaintances, the type of "what hw did we have/do we have class" and thats as far as the talks go, but i believe id physically stand closer to him

mychael(mushroom oasis): now it gets tricky because id be stuck with him in a forest and i feel in my element in a forest so id probably be easy going and so so laid back (and ignore how he looks because its not the scariest thing ive seen) definitely id be like on guard but id keep a casual convo and stay closer physically, definitely just like acquaintances

john doe: id move countries. the stench.

jack(swwsdj): id consider going to a psychiatrist Fr/stay as far away as possible

casper(adwd): casper i would not want to be around you im so sorry. wed probably get along Great with talking though, id definitely bully him(with love) so texting Yes being around him No because well. my boaner. i think we could be like Best Friends. Yes Yes I know

[visionof-lumen]

context : pulses perspective, & we have did :) plus we have no headspace/innerworld

oops i ranted . tldr : mostly feels like i had a singular blink, sleeping/napping without dreaming, closing my eyes for a few minutes, or watching a twitch stream .

post under the cut is just detailing Exactly what it feels like :PP

its definitely weird. heres examples of ones ive personally experienced within the past month or so !!.

sometimes its time being extremely slow, then suddenly everything snaps like a rubber band & is super fast and then i know almost Nothing of what occurred and im fronting again. everything is unrecognizable when its slow [ try putting a youtube video on the slowest setting, then imagine its even slower. its horrible ], and when its too fast its basically just a blur of colors & sound. very weird and scary 0/10

other times itll be a blink, and then its over. its been hours and i was gone without realizing [ like anesthesia! ]. if we're in our room, i likely wont notice until i realize time has passed, or if an activity has changed. 4/10 chill most of the time cuz it feels smoother than it sounds but NOT when im in a conversation

in others time might get slow [ not as slow as the first example ], then it gets distant, like someone changed the FOV setting in a video game. then itll go back to normal pretty smoothly!. so its kinda like the first one, but without the fast part. still means my perspective of what happened is pretty fucked but its not as bad as the others. 6/10 annoying but not the worst

sometimes, for shorter amounts of time, it'll feel like i closed my eyes & another system member did something while i was "resting" , but it still felt like the same amount of time passed. so, for example, im playing project sekai, and i rest my sore fingers & "close my eyes" mentally , ill wait a few minutes and when i come back to front then therell be a finished song on my screen [ has genuinely happened . fucker got a full combo on our FIRST TRY on expert mode while i wasnt looking 🙄 diabolical ] 0/10 can these fuckers stop playing video games when this happens ITS ALWAYS ON MY SAVES TOO

if its during a fully consensual switch [ so its been agreed upon by me & whoever im switching out with , & we are both aware of when its going to happen ] then its not very distorted at all, its just like im watching whats happening over the fronters shoulder or on a livestream [ so, not in control, but definitely aware ]. things might get a little blurry when im not super focused on whats happening or ill "look away" & not see/feel anything for a while, but after coming back to front its Much MUCH easier to recall the memories & information!! 10/10 yayy its like a twitch vlog/ stream where im one of the only viewers !!!

& i have yelled/made a noise when switching back because it absolutely can be like a fucked up fnaf jumpscare . yes this happened during our school years

how does it feel in your experience to be out of front?

question 47:

[aroace-cat-lady]

I'm like. So lucky to have the friends I have. Y'all just. Don't get it. My friends are. So. So. So. Fucking awesome.

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,

if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."

i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,

i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason

[anotherpapercut]

today a 7 year old at work asked me if I was a boy or a girl and I said I'm actually neither and one of the other kids said "so you're nothing???" and I went "yep I'm nothing. isn't that crazy?" and I heard my coworker snort lmao

[keepinventory]

pro tip for people that don't text first but do like texting their friends: you gotta think really hard. dig for something in your brain. talk about something weird&mundane that happened to you that day, or a dream you had, or a silly hypothetical question. the smallest thing ever is better than nothing at all. the hardest step is always the first one...!

[megumi-fm]

.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"

[get-back-homeward]

Now and Then Day

This sideblog began after watching Get Back nagged and nagged at me until finally I started to look closer at context relative to the Beatles discography and suddenly started experiencing these WAIT WHAT moments every day as what I thought I knew got turned inside out. The appeal was in looking at something you knew like the back of your hand from another direction and seeing/hearing something new you hadn’t seen/heard before. But I had no idea we’d get another song to add to the mix in 2023.

I knew Now and Then day would be an experience. I thought I’d have to wait the whole day before listening. But I got lucky and found a few minutes to listen to Now and Then when it was first released this morning. And inexplicably clicked to hear the remastered Love Me Do instead. I cannot explain my brain.

I then tried to start Now and Then and noped out before 15 seconds in. Too overwhelming. Not the right time. I was too rushed and needed more space to mentally prepare for it.

I caught NPR covering the Now and Then release today on my drive home. They had a Lennon biographer (I didn’t catch the name) reviewing the song. He said the song recalls John’s more delicate tunes like Beautiful Boys (sic) and mentioned John started the song in 1970.

Say what?!

Here I was late last night trying to nail down a better date for John’s demo than “late 70s”. Meanwhile, biographers are just here on national public radio pushing lies. Did he have ChatGPT write his comments?

Oh yeah, they also said it was created with AI no qualifier.🤦‍♀️

They played a few snippets of the song including one new piece not in the doc but refrained from playing it in full. It was mostly wrong Beatles facts all segment.

Trying the song a second time hours later, I got through it in one piece but was feeling abit 🥴 about it as a song itself. Having just listened to the original demo was probably a mistake, and I could hear all the seams and feeling the Frankenstein song effect.

Third attempt sounded more together, with the seams not quite as noticeable. I was prepared for the changes, the layering bits from other songs, and noted highlights of the instrumentals: the strings, George’s guitar bits, and Ringo’s flourishes. I love Paul coming through on the future tense certainty of “I will love you” (is that I Will?). Ringo’s shimmering effect choice (is it tams?) is such an entrancing closer. Giles’ score and Beatles recycled bits do mend the seams well once I stop thinking about them too much.

On fourth listen, my biggest notes are questioning why Paul’s harmony with John isn’t more distinct. He shows a lot of restraint here but maybe too much? Did Get Back get to him in other ways than the most obvious? Is he just self-conscious about his own voice? Or is it the limitation of the tech when it comes to harmony mixing?

The strings were what I was most worried about, but their entrance at the 1:15 mark really kicks it up a notch to transition into the singalong. Other standouts are 1:40 with George’s flourish and 2:29 peak with the guitar solo.

Lyrically, it’s the conditional and if I make it through it’s all because of you that haunts in layers of meaning both grim and cathartic that reverberate through time and space.

If John makes it through emotionally to 1980 and has a comeback? Congrats, bud you did it. But he’s stopped physically through no fault of his own. There’s the obvious mourning of that lost potential even 40 years later.

If this song this voice this message of John’s makes it through to 2023 and reaches the public? Well, success there, Paul’s tenacity saw it through with help from many friends. John’s voice and song lives on through Paul’s wish to conjure him by his side. On the Day of the Dead no less. I was reminded of the concept of tulpas today and was knocked back on my heels by the thought.

If John as an artist and Beatles as a band make it through so fans are still listening in 2023? This doubles as a bit of a fan love letter, and thank you for 60 years. Released on the day Beatlemania first appeared in black and white.

But then there’s also a reflector on this. Some original Beatles fans have aged with Paul and Ringo and others have not and aren’t here to share this like John and George. There’s grief and mourning from those still here about those lost, and the song acts as a catharsis. A kind of thank you to the band for being there for fans in good times and bad. The symbiosis of fame between a band and its fans across the decades.

It’s a lot.

I spent some time looking at the youtube comments on the song. Some original fans but many second and even third generation fans. And quite a few stories about a loved one who loved the band and recently passed away like this one:

And this:

But also in there are stories of catharsis and healing.

And many memories of the joy that Beatles music has brought to people’s lives. We all have these stories of how their songs weave into our own life. But it’s the joy that I keep coming back to as the secret sauce to the band’s earliest days. I often think of those early songs more in terms of feeling then anything, and it starts with the first single.

I love the Love Me Do remastering. That harmonica sounds so crisp. The bluegrassy harmonies have never sounded better. The ones on ple-ee-ee-ease still give me chills. Ringo’s drums moved forward in the mix to appreciate that driving beat just a bit more. I can hear the bass too. I can’t wait to hear what the other early Red album tracks sound like.

But next to Now and Then, I’m also looking at the lyrics like I never did before. Why give it another glance? Written by a 16 year old kid, it always sounded a bit juvenile and simple. But suddenly next to Now and Then, there’s a weight to it I never heard before.

Love, love me do

You know I love you

I’ll always be true

So please, love me do

It sounds like a promise. Now and Then is fulfillment of that always. It’s no longer just the whim of a kid. But rather the beginning of 7 decade devotional: To John, to the band, to fans, and reflected back again. The love is reciprocal from all sides.

How’s that for a WAIT WHAT moment? Paul turning the least likely song inside out and backwards. And he didn’t even add a lyrical middle eight.

[laggs-cringe-corner]

i am not immune to family reunion

[burningcomputerpersona]

ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut

[thebirdandhersong]

Heaven forbid a boy knows I have depths. I hate being perceived. It's like ah validation alright.back it up i dont need you to know that I have thoughts in my head . i dont need you to affirm that I have thoughts to believe that I DO ACTUALLY have thoughts, actually, and I should not be trying to prove I'm worth listening to because I am, in fact, worth listening to, despite how my ex made me feel

[seiwas]

a good cry always does wonders

[phagodyke]

kind of annoys me sometimes how I can happily listen to my roommate explain the entire plot of whatever she's currently into but when it comes to my interests she can only listen for a few mins before wordlessly walking out of the room

[luckystar1327]

had a wonderful interaction in math today

random kid #1: (saying something. Idk. I just heard she)

random kid #2: bro thats a he *turns to me* right?

me, who is nonbinary, uses all pronouns, and is scared of social interaction: uh—sure? I don’t really care 😀

they then proceeded to stare at me for two seconds and then kid #2 started ranting about haircuts (my hair is short). Meanwhile i’m just sitting there actually doing the work

[thelastchappie]

feel like the whole “ ‘tism/touch of the ‘tism” jokes have become too casual cuz tell me why i posted on my priv ig story ab me sitting weird like L from Death Note while im studying and one of my friends just replies with “Tism” like girl… idek if im autistic or not