keepinventory

[keepinventory]

bought grocery bags at the store along with my groceries and when i got to checkout i asked “can you tell i forgot all my bags?” just to make a little joke and the cashier went “you pulled a tammy!” and i was about to ask who the hell tammy is when i looked at her name tag and realized She was tammy.

[keepinventory]

you have to either lie or be honest and it depends but you can't know

[keepinventory]

When I say editing software is getting dumber, this is what I mean.

In what world is "What dinnered?" more legible than "What happened to dinner?" I just... what?!

[keepinventory]

the tragedy of distance is simple I want to sit on the couch with you and do nothing sometimes

[keepinventory]

Look me straight in the eyes and tell me your current music taste isn’t what your father played in the car when you were a kid.

[keepinventory]

"you are annoying about x & y" okay. this is the being annoying website.

[keepinventory]

Anti public defender sentiment NOW of all times has GOT to be a psyop and I’m not being hyperbolic

[keepinventory]

my phone is telling me about a "new single by hatsune miku!" bestie that is an instrument. this is not sufficient information. yeah man youre gonna love this theres a new song by Trombone on the charts

[keepinventory]

Yuup Thats me. Youre probsbky wondering how i got my self into this situation . Welll, im a drainfly . We eat sludge and stagnnant water out of drains . (RECORD SCRATHCH) "ewwww! " What ! Are you kidding ! this stuff is the tastest EVER ! Come on , Ill Show you. MY LIFE AS A TEENAGE DRAINFLY

[keepinventory]

roommates getting top surgery and they put a tracking chip on him and now im getting updates like hes a pizza

[keepinventory]

[keepinventory]

a cd for breakfast and a dvd for lunch

[keepinventory]

one of the funnier parts of having online friends is when they casually reference something that seems weird as hell from your perspective and you have to go "okay so is this like a reigional/cultural difference or is your specific life experience just insane"

[keepinventory]

today's warm up: Oldest sister syndrome, I'm so sorry baby girl

[keepinventory]

my recipe for cookies calls for 2 fresh eggs. why the hell doesn't Cookie Clicker have a chicken-breeding minigame yet

[keepinventory]

It Is TV Time News

[keepinventory]

Had my suspicions but I have finally confirmed it this morning: The rival Pokémon Go team I have been beefing with, whose gym's total annihilation I have incorporated into my morning routine, is actually a group of local elementary school students