#and ive been wanting to show her off for a while now
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sus music editing in s4 byler scenes (a saga)
since tiktok might die in the US soon, i wanted to convert some of my old tiktoks into tumblr posts so they can live on forever! i've been wanting to do this for a while but never got around to it. i'm starting with this one because ive been posting about music coding a lot lately. i recommend watching the video attachment (at the end of the post) after reading the whole post, just so you'll have context when watching.
ALRIGHT!
will and mike are interrupted in the majority of their solo scenes. the scene in jonathan's room, the scene in will's room, the scene on the car, & the scene in the cabin. i noticed a long time ago that the songs used in the first 3 scenes listed build up for the first half and then kind of explode for the second half. there's a point where the song changes/released after the buildup.
the songs are:
eight fifteen (jonathan's room)
on the bus (will's room)
letter to willy (talk on the car)
BUT, in will's room & the car scene, mike and will are interrupted almost right before the song is supposed to climax. i lined the songs up and listened and i'm right. interestingly, in the scene in will's room, on the bus is edited. in the scene, the song starts like normal at the start of the song. but they cut the middle out so it would skip right to the part RIGHT before the climax of on the bus. THEY DID THAT. so at the very end of the scene just before they get interrupted, the song is teetering on the edge of the big explosive part of the song, but it doesn't happen because they're interrupted and the song ends. in the car scene letter to willy is also edited. maybe im wrong, but there's a note i hear in the car scene that i cannot find anywhere in the song. so it seems like they're purposefully using songs that are building to something but cut off right before the pay off of the buildup. i wouldn't be capitalizing on this so much if 90% of the scenes this happens in werent mike and will staring into each other's souls and then having their gazes torn from each other, but they are. so take that as you will.
now we need to talk about eight fifteen. this is fucking wild.
eight fifteen is all build up for the first half. then there's a moment where it teeters on the edge for a second, and then BOOM! release & loud pretty synths. i lined it up, and the 'teetering' part of the song is in the scene in jonathan's room, but like the others, it's edited. but this one is WAY more crazy.
the song starts from the beginning when will sits on the bed next to mike. it builds while mike talks about his problems with el and not saying the thing she wants. then will says "look, mike, you're gonna see her again, and whatever it is you didn't say, you can say it to her then, okay?" the teetering part starts when will says
"look" and goes all the way until he says "then"
when he says "then", that is the moment when the buildup is supposed to release. but in this scene, it doesn't happen. instead, when he finishes talking, specifically when he says "then" the note kind of trails off. it sounds weird. it's unsatisfying. there was no payoff to all that buildup. i've seen plenty of other tv shows where this is used to emphasize the face that there was no payoff. something in the scene was anticlimactic. something that they wanted to happen or were expecting to happen didnt. the characters are disappointed or left hanging.
and when that note trials off, mike says
"yeah...yeah" and looks down, looking upset and conflicted and disappointed
he wanted will to say something else. will saying "you can say it to her then, okay?" disappointed mike. that's not what he wanted to hear. i think mike wanted will to reassure him and tell him he doesn't have to say something he doesn't mean or doesn't want to say, and that when they see el again mike can explain himself. mike desperately wants to be told he doesn't have to pretend to be in love with el if that's not how he really feels. he wants to be told that el won't be angry if he's honest with her about his true feelings for her, which are platonic. (hence why he later nods after will says 'what if they don't like the truth?')
but will doesn't understand that. will thinks they are in love, he thinks they're perfect. so in his mind, it's fine because mike can just say it when he sees el again. but he thinks that because he thinks mike actually means it, when in reality he doesn't. and by doing that, will only further pushed mike into giving his false confession. now mike thinks even more that he just has to spit it out and tell el what she wants to hear even if it's not how he really feels. this just breaks my heart because mike is so hated on but he's a GOOD BOY💔💔 he's just a 14 year old kid who's afraid of failing the people he cares about but also hates lying about his feelings and just wants to feel free from the expectations others have for him. he just wants someone, specifically will, to tell him it's okay, and that he doesn't owe anyone anything, especially not his own feelings. and it hurts extra bad because if will knew the truth about mike not loving el he would shower him in support because of course mike shouldn't have to lie just because it's what el wants to hear.
and just in case anyone tries to say otherwise, YES mike lied in the monologue. it doesn't need to be proven, it's simply canon.
like there's no denying this. believing it's just a mistake by the writers before believing mike lied is CRAZY heteronormative copium. like come on💀
anyways, the things mike says and does in the scene in jonathan's support this theory. he threw away el's note. "a fight you cant come back from" "maybe if i just said that thing then things would be different" his phrasing sticks out so much. "said that thing" and not "told her" or "told her how i feel". to mike it's just saying words he doesn't want to say. and "a fight you cant come back from" its almost like he's hinting to will that he and el need to break up and he's hoping will will catch on and support him. he trusts will and values his opinion and wants his support. usually he and will very easily communicate non verbally and are naturally in tune with what the other is thinking and feeling, but this time will doesn't catch on (because of his own heteronormativity and assumption that mike and el are in love), and mike is disappointed. he brings this up over and over, like he isn't satisfied with will's answer, and is a little more honest every time. the only thing that seemingly satisfied mike was hearing will's feelings. why did it even get that far?? why would what will said in jonathan's room not suffice if he is actually in love with el??? it just doesn't make sense.
(unless it actually makes perfect sense)
i'm very confident in this since this lies less with the continuity within stranger things itself and more with basic film/video/sound editing. i even got some comments from editors/musicians who agreed with me!
"It's a tactic I've actually used before in editing. It keeps the audience engrossed, and really makes it FEEL interrupted for the audience."
"Woah that's crazy! And it literally stops on the fifth so it's totally legitimately unstable/ unresolved."
stopping on the fifth refers to a technique used in music composition to make a chord progression sound completed. i actually know a bit about this because i took music theory in college, but if anyone knows more than me feel free to share! a completed progression is like a circle. you must begin and end with the same chord. you start with one chord and move down a fifth to the next chord, and do that until you end up back at the original chord. that way it sounds nice and satisfying and completed. in 'on the bus', which the commenter was referring to, this process is cut short, which would serve no purpose other than making the music sound and feel incomplete or interrupted or unsatisfying.
if i just butchered that whole explanation please let me know, but im pretty sure that's accurate.
here is the video with two of the scenes i talked about, using 'Eight Fifteen' and 'On The Bus'
and just as a reminder, on the bus has only played twice in the entire show. first in the lumax talk on top of the bus in season 2, and second in the byler talk in will's room in s4. 🙂
anyways i hope this was comprehensible😅 i remember my tiktok followers being very confused so feel free to re read and re watch as many times as necessary or reply with any questions! and anyone who has more input on editing/music pls share with the class if you'd like!!
anyways byler endgame, thanks for reading
#byler#stranger things#will byers#mike wheeler#byler endgame#mike wheeler i know what you are#byler analysis#milkvan is bones#stranger things 4#anti milkvan#anti mileven#byler canon#byler music coding#stranger things music coding#byler music#byler coding#st4 music coding#byler s4 analysis
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must be love
pre-squidgame! thanos x nurse! reader.
Warnings! you are as old as Thanos, so its not a weird student x staff rls. He probably got held back a few grades tbh. Also yes the title is based off of a Laufey song :D I love her
!⠀♡⠀₊⠀⠀ׁ⠀ꔛ
Ive grown used to him.
Thanos was the kind of patient who would come in everyday, he didn't seem sick enough to visit. Although, he always found a way to show up. It was usually a fresh bruise, or a cut that resulted in one of his unecessary fights.
Every time, he would stroll in with that cocky grin. He would claim that he "got into just a little free-for-all" as if it was no big deal. I knew better than that, he never wanted anything more than a quick excuse to stick around.
If I said I didnt like it, id be lying. I look foward to his visits for reasons I can't understand.
Thanos strolled in with a smirk. That damn smirk. "Señorita, excuse me." Thanos called out. I spinned my chair around to see Thanos leaning on the door with a black eye and a rose in his teeth.
"What's up now?"I sigh and stand up to snatch the rose out of his teeth. Playing hard to get can work in certain situations with certain people, and this man is perfect for this act. "What?" Thanos stretched his hands "You don't like it?" He questioned. "Thanos, you cannot come here EVERYDAY." I informed him with more of a stern voice. "What if one day you are actually hurt and I won't believe you? You're always pulling something like this."
He chuckled, leaning back casually. “Oh, come on, you know you miss me.” His eyes twinkled with mischief as he took a step closer, his voice lowering. “Maybe I’m here to make sure you’re okay. Ever think of that?” He raised an eyebrow, pretending to be innocent. “And besides, how can I not come see the woman who keeps me alive with nothing more than a smile?”
"Cut the crap, Thanos." I snapped. "Now, let's get you squared away. Shall we?" I reassured with a comforting change of tone. Thanos smiled while I went to go get an ice pack and medicine.This is what i loved.
After that day, he stopped showing up. I don't know why. Days passed, and i felt a certain sadness that I couldn't explain.
For days, I tried to tell myself it was just another patient missing. But the truth was, it wasn’t the same without him. The waiting room felt quieter, too still, like something was out of place. I found myself glancing up from my work, half-expecting to see him standing there with that crooked grin and a rose between his teeth. It was ridiculous, I knew. He was just a patient, after all. But every time the door opened and it wasn’t him, a little part of me felt gone. I hated admitting it, but I missed him more than I cared to admit. Deep down, I loved him.
Out of the blue, on a random work day, Thanos pushed open the door to the nurses office. For a moment, every thought seemed to fade away. There he was, standing infront of me, with that teasing smile. A grin tugged at the corners of my mouth without even trying. I couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth seeing him again. I let out a "Hey." In a softer voice than usual. A smile spread across his face even more and it made my heart race.
It was more than relief, it was something else like something unspoken hanging between both of us. I felt it, this was more than a friendship.
After moments hung in the air, Thanos took a small step closer. I felt the familiar warmth of his presence. My heart seemed to beat a little faster when he was near. he twisted his head slightly, "I guess I liked this place more than I thought." he said. His voice was low and teasing, but his eyes said something more.
Before I couldn't respond, he reached out and brushed part of my hair behind my ear. It sent a shiver through me. His fingers lingered longer than necessary, looking at me in the eyes with undeniable love. The intensity felt new but I realize, it's always been there, I just realized it this time. "And... I missed you." he added silently. His voice was almost a whisper now, waiting for my reaction.
Part 2??
Thank u my lovelies for reading. <3
!⠀♡⠀₊⠀⠀ׁ⠀ꔛ


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𝟏 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐍
folklore m.list
⤷ find next part here!
IN WHICH : chris cheats on his girlfriend during the summer with a girl named augustine..
⟡ ݁₊ . BETTYS POV ⟡ ݁₊ .
present time
i’ve always felt lonely, yeah i had friends but did they think of me like that? not really. except for chris. he is was the only one who made me feel seen, showed me off to everyone around him and made it seem like i was the most valuable thing in the world. he made sure that i knew i was important, until last summer.
flashback one
betty and chris lay on his bed, betty’s head is on his chest listening to his heart beat and slow breathing. his hold hands snaked on her back, as he ran his hand up and down showing a slightness of affection. her vanilla shampoo and conditioner filled his nostrils, and made him feel warm or safe like. “chris im so happy i have you.” she blurted out randomly, catching him off guard.
he chuckled out of her randomness, “im glad i have you baby.” he said squeezing her side very lightly making her smile. “no like, you make me feel something ive never had before,” she pauses and looks up at him through her mascara eyelashes, “my entire life i’ve been second best. but now i’ve met you, i finally feel important.” finishing while looking back down away from him scared for how he’s going to react to her honesty.
“you’re always going to be number one to me, nothing will ever change that.” he said so softly.
flashback two
chris and betty sat together on her front porch, the moonlight shining down on the two lovers. his arm was around her shoulder as her head nuzzled in his neck. betty let out a deep sigh, “what’s wrong b?” chris asked her while rubbing her shoulder as a way to comfort the girl.
she bit the inside of her cheeks before speaking, “im just upset you won’t be here all summer and you come back during september… that’s too long.” she whispered the last part. chris took a deep breath realizing that she was right. he leaves tomorrow morning and won’t get to see betty for 3 months. “i know… it really is long. but i’ll call you everyday and buy you lots of gifts to make up for it.”
betty giggled knowing that nothing can really go bad, can it? the ‘what if’s’ circled in her head, “you promise not to grow distant from me?” betty questions while holding out her pinky. chris sarcastically rolled his eyes at her while taking his free finger and connecting it with hers, “id never.” while going in to kiss her forehead.
flashback three
it’s been about a month and a half since chris left. for the first weeks of him being away he did stick to his promise, he called her after every long day and texted her while he was out sending her pictures of where he was and what he was doing. but then as of lately he hasn’t been doing it.
yes he would text betty but the calls completely stopped. betty didn’t want to overthink it because she trusted chris, she knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her…
but as weeks went by and it hit the 2 month mark of chris being away, the texts were delayed or even dead silent. nothing. betty tried leaving him messages to see how he was doing but all that shined on her phone reflecting back to her was “READ”
betty didn’t have anybody to talk to this with? she didn’t have any best friends, she didn’t have siblings and most of all she wasn’t close with her parents. now with chris ghosting her, betty was completely alone. all she had was her mind and hurtful thoughts. she would think to herself, “chris would never”, “he promised not to do anything to hurt me?” and so on. her thoughts of chris engraved inside of her, the ideas of him randomly ghosting her made her feel physical pain to her chest, but she was unsure on what that feeling was.
while betty was laying on her bed, the soft comforter wrapped around her body acting as if someone were to hold her so tightly. she feels the vibration of her phone buzz, her heart jumped. “is it chris?” she would think to herself, rushing to grab her phone and check the notification. she was wrong.. it was inez, a girl in her school she’s somewhat friends with.
betty’s pounding heart stopped. she felt as if her heart fell down to the bottom of the earth. she stared at the photo that illuminated her dark room, pressing on the image and making it full screen. looking at the picture felt like an eternity, the picture blurred out in her vision due to tears building in her brown eyes. her tears fall down onto the screen, her shoulders shake up and down, and her breathing is unsteady. the bright phone light turned off and left her in the dark once again, she slammed her head back into the pillow as she shoved her face in her hands.
flashback four
“i didn’t mean to!” chris defended himself to the crying girl. chris had came back from his trip and visited betty, but betty did not want to see him. “what do you mean ‘didn’t mean to’ chris!” she raised her shaky voice at him feeling the anger boil up. “you definitely did mean to do that.” she said with warm tears spilling down.
chris felt his heart break as he watched betty break right in front of him. “baby you know i only want you!” chris practically pleaded out, feeling that he couldn’t physically lose his girlfriend. “don’t call me that, i stopped being your baby when you decided to go sleep with that girl. im done chris, never speak to me again.” she said pivoting around into her house and slamming the front door right in his face.
he stood there unable to move. he knew what he did wrong, he knew the pain he’s causing. while standing on his now ex girlfriend’s porch his phone started buzzing. augustine was calling, he swiped to accept the call.
minutes later, chris ended up in the back seat of her car, making out with his summer fling right infront of betty’s home.
mellys note! sorry if this was super rushed 🥲 i hope u guys loveee and be so prepared for august cuz i have been COOKING
@meerkatzthings @sturns-mermaid
#sturn5iolo#melly speaks 𐙚˙₊˚#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo x reader
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work is slow after the holidys so ive spent my shifts coming up w a thee terror coffee shop au LMFAOOOOO these here are the uniforms!
general au information under the cut: (keep in mind this is 80% a joke)
takes place in northern Canada, modern day
bougie, expensive ass coffee. very tacky nautical theming. better than starbucks, but not worth 7.50 CAD for a medium black coffee
customer base is mostly pretentious white ppl that dont mind spending money on overpriced shit. many regulars formed personal relationships with Franklin when he first opened the cafe
FRANKLIN: store owner. created Terrebus Coffee after leaving the navy in 2008. DIES. turns out the cafe was in extreme debt and was barely making a profit the entire time it was open, and was in the red by the time he died. hid how bad everything was from the staff (crozier and fitzjames knew some stuff, but not everything)
CROZIER: 51. store manager who was (shockingly) promoted to store owner in Franklin's death. uncovers the true state of the cafe. been in coffee since the 90's. has worked at terrebus for 7 years. stressedddd. whiskey in his 3 sugar packet black coffee. trans man who transitioned after leaving the navy in in 2001. lets his employees yell at rude customers.
FITZJAMES: 35. family friend of the Franklins. in marketing. token cafe transfem who's keeping the fckin shit locked DOWNNN (started transitioning 2 years earlier). was hired as a co-store manager without Crozier's knowledge, despite having limited experience actually managing a real cafe. you can image how he reacted.
HICKEY: barista. takes smoke breaks every 30 minutes. always has to do drains/floors. ends up getting loudly fired by Crozier in front of everyone and spends the rest of his time trying to bring the business down. totally sets up a rival coffee van in the parking lot that's just him and a keurig
TOZER AND GIBSON: Hickey's inner polycule feeding him insider information/executing his plans of sabotage
SOPHIA: Crozier's ex girlfriend that he's still whipped for. they dated in the early 2000's. went different places in their careers. currently working her 2nd PHD. moves back to deal with Franklin's death; Crozier tries to start things back up with her. he wants her to wait for him to leave, he'll do it this time, he swears-- "i don't wait for anyone, anymore, francis."
SHIFT LEADS: Little, Jirving, Hodge, Gore (quits early on), Dundy, Blanky (immediately promoted by Crozier), Jopson (promoted by Crozier, later)
BARISTAS: Hickey (eventually fired), Gibson, Collins, Tozer, Goodsir, Peglar, Hartnell, your favorite white boy i didn't mention but don't worry he's definitely here
REGULARS: Silna, Bridgens, Stanley (always orders an extra dry cappuccino and complains every single time that its not dry enough even though its already 90% foam and its a fucknig rush and he INSISTS on it being remade sorry maybe im projecting) other white boys you want there
ASSORTED PLOT DETAILS:
show "deaths" are now firings/quitting/injuries/ect.
before franklin died, he and crozier got in a huge fight, where crozier threatened to quit. (he did this often, but this time franklin sounded serious about holding him to that.) fitzjames, dundy, hickey, and jopson overheard.
fitzjames got the job after getting let go (gasp) from a cushy marketing job and needed something to fill space while she looked for a second job... how's that going, jamie?
the cafe grew a reputation as being hostile/unfriendly after franklin's death bc crozier was not afraid to yell at customers/kick people out for being rude. turned off amny previous regulars. this infuriates fitzjames "you're ruining our reputation!" "i don't care about the opinions of people who'd pay 7.50 for dishwater."
when crozier goes on leave for treatment, fitzjames becomes store manager
bottle episode where the closing crew get snowed in overnight. hickey is there and he has a knife
franklin never knew crozier was trans. he had known fitzjames for many years before she transitioned and in typical boomer fashion misgendered her frequently bc he's known her "so long". bc she didn't want to upset him she'd stopped correcting him. this bothered crozier a lot
peglar and bridgens have a 2015 tumblr barista/customer slowburn romance in the background as the cafe falls apart
silna goes there bc she doesn't know anyone there, and she can get her work done. most the time she brings her own food and uses their hot water to brew her own tea bc shes not paying all that money. she ends up befriending goodsir and crozier who give her free stuff all the time
tuunbaq is her giant white husky, ofc
goodsir discovers their coffee distributor is the cheapest on the market and has had several lawsuits about contamination problems and probably has lots of carcinogens. he brings this up w crozier who tells him if they were to switch distributors he would be forced to layoff staff, and since no one has complained he wasn't going to do anything abt it. lol.
this is the terror so this story is a tragedy. the store is not saved. hickey probably burns it down. crozier repatriates the money left to the local community n spends the rest of his life doing community service or something
ok thanks for reading this wall of text. im crazy. ask me questions pls
#the terror#the terror au#the terror 2018#amc's the terror#cornelius hickey#thomas jopson#james fitzjames
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New oc coming soon... I'll give y'all a hint: it's another Pokémon oc
#𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙍 𝙈𝙐𝙉#(i actually have her info saved in my drafts and ive been searching for a perfect voice claim for her#and let me tell you it took AGES to find a perfect one for her#and ive been wanting to show her off for a while now#so i can't wait for y'all to see her!#i may or may not make a starter to introduce her#so stay tuned for more from yo girl Kirbo#okay bye)
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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hellooooo ive made a uc fankid oc <3 more about her under the cut, so that this post isnt a mile long <3
her name is Dyllin, because i had to, and shes SO cute. Shes got a little lopsided grin, and one dimple, and the cutest smattering of freckles on her nose right where her fur starts to turn pink. Both Rian and Atty are trans, so they raised her gender neutrally until she could tell them who she was herself (thus atty using they for her in that one art), and when she was about 3 she said she was a girl and now she wears all the pretty flowy dresses she can get her hands on (uncle foq supplies many of them)!
in the art above shes: 14, 16 (colored in), 19? (lines), ambiguous age younger than 3, 5?, and also 5. I think that ill mainly draw her as a little kid or around 14, cause those ages are where more interesting dynamics happen with people. Lots of funny kiddy moments, and growing into your own person moments. Which! is what im about in fankids! beyond just drawing a cute kid and having fun with design (which im also all about but just to give an explaination for why im drawing her at those ages). I dont think i want to go into adult ages for her yet, cause for the moment its about her being a fankid for me.
She takes after Chet and mostly Foq much more in personality than either of her actual parents, so shes a very carefree happy-go-lucky kid. To Rian's absolute horror (see below, for their rage at finding out), Foq flounces his way into being a archfey and becomes her warlock patron when shes a little kid, but its alright Aunt Scenda is her cleric deity so shes got a balance for his chaos! (she doesnt balance shit but it does make rian not kill foq over the pact so! whatever works!)
#my art#unprepared casters#off the rails#if you dont want to see her block this tag ->#dyllin wright#(no judgement if you do obvs)#anyway. ive been holding onto her since on the rocks part 2. before we knew they both made it#i made her and then went aw fuck i made a fankid (whoops) for characters that may or may not make it (whoops!)#SO ive been holding onto her for a while cause i was like. doubting myself if i should keep her officially cause while fankids are normal-#for me to make. they arent like usual content for dnd shows i think? it feels a lot more personal and i had a whole debate with myself for-#a WHILE. and it quickly morphed into a debate on whether i should POST her cause i uhh didnt stop drawing her? as you can see?#eventually decided that i would test the waters (talked with friends privately about it and also posted a more like usual oc with kor)#it all went well so i figured id wait til a between arcs week and then post her. and here we are!#we miiight have a post mortem still coming for 12 idr buuuut i want to show her now i think#aaaaaannnnnd POST
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sometimes my boobs hurt so much i think they're gonna bleed surely this is normal right
#i think im pmsing.. but im not sure#like the dates aligned but also they've been super irregular hence the whole pcod etc#like im already wearing a size 38 bra because of all this fucking weight gain#and even that feels tight?? like the next size available was free size😭😭#but like it feels normal good even everyday just from the past two days it's been hurting like hell#and fucking worst festivsl of the year so i can't even stay in my room bra off all day#but oh god why do they pain so much it's never been like this before ive been having periods since i was 11 and im 21 now#maybe another pcod uhh idk side effect? symptom? whatever it's called#and i definitely have that pms wali feeling#i mean i haven't broken down yet but#you know that feeling when you WANT something but you don't know what and you try everything but nothing works#like i ate pasta i ate ice cream i studied and accomplished my targets i slept a lot i watched comfort show#i even washed my hair and danced to so many songs today morning while booping#but then it keeps crashing#and it's not enough#don't ask me what's it because even i do not know#i think i want. a hug. i guess#but from my bestfriend#because me and my sister keep fighting and i don't think she's really understanding me rn#but i think she's (bsf) avoiding talking to me because she's getting back together with her shitty boyfriend#i want to call and whine and say fuck that i don't care just talk to me but#i can't#the thought of asking for help needing people is. wow it's genuinely making me puke#i hate hate HATE being pathetic and needy#sometimes i wish#i mean obviously i would prefer it if i was perfectly healthy qnd normal and fine#but sometimes i wish someone just looked at me and said#oh honey how are you carrying so much sadness inside you and hiding it so well?? how are you even functioning???? how are you not#on the floor wailing and crying and unable to get up?#like you need [insert idk pills or whatever the cure is] BADLY
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maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...
#when i was in middle school i used to use red and black pens + spit for blending to make it look like the backs of my hands were torn open#i can't believe it's almost 4am. i just spent 5 hours typing up an essay about MM's erik that i just fuckin privated bc i was embarrassed#AND I STILL NEVER SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAAA#i was right but im going to save all my points for the fanfic im currently planning out and promptly NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY WRITE#I say shoving my plans for my h2o s3 rewrite off the table#yes i skipped from s2 to s3 i had a BRILLIANT idea [season 3 h2o spoilers ahead be wary my mutuals who are still watching]#okay so you know how lewis goes to the american institute of marine bio in the middle of 3? since this is tied to my s2 rewrite fic i wante#to actually finally reasonably re-introduced dr denman to the story because i never liked that she just fucked off at the end of s1#despite WITNESSING the moon pool magic. so i made it so she runs into lewis while doing a presentation for the college and they have a chat#(because her JAW paper plays an important part in my s2 rewrite bc i imagine lewis is the kind of guy who SAYS he deleted every copy of#it... but ACTUALLY he secretly printed himself out a copy to study in private to compare to his own notes bc#[lewis voice] come *on* guys just THINK of the progress that he could make with this! [grabby hands in front of chest])#so yeah they have a chat and Linda kind of gives Lewis the opposite dilemma in s3 that Louise gives him in s1 about science and magic#since SHE knows about the moon pool and has been biding her time and she knows Lewis knows and Lewis is like ah... uh oh.#it will eventually tie into the idea it's not about forcing science and magic together or separating them#its abt respectfully and responsibly utilizing both to see their fullest potential. which lewis learned in s2 and Linda has... not.#BUT#later on she gets a call from 1 (one) ryan who is like 'hey so i heard u did environmental studies on mako for dr bennett a couple years ag#and i was wondering if you've seen anything weird there as im currently doing a-' and she's immediately like 'YOU SON OF A BITCH IM IN'#and he's like 'wha-' and she's like 'i have already booked my plane tickets we're going to have a great time we have lots to talk about :)'#and wheeee now they have someone who knows about mermaids on their team and it's the perfect way to bring lewis back to relevancy in s3 :D#it also gives me reason to have two bad bitches (linda and sophie) meet and get to know each other which is not a dynamic ive seen in#any of the H2O fics i've ever read so im very hyped to delve into how they'll play off each other#also charlotte is there so technically three bad bitches (only in my au Charlotte never lost her tail and is part of the gang she just move#because she felt like she needed to leave to really be able to find herself without being in her grandmother's shadow but she comes back bc#well... it's season 3 mako is sounding the fucking emergency alarms everyone is showing up sdkghkfjhg)#im also so so so hyped to show u guys who's coming back in the s2 rewrite because it ISNT denman and i think everyone thinks it will be :3c#(i said she when telling ppl to look forward to a familiar face... but can u blame me for getting hype she's one of my favorite characters!#i love u H2O#cruddy rambles
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Wanna put your friend in a lil terrarium just to see what wacky things she does stg 😂
i actually Cannot Stress the migraine she gives me every time we hang out. like without fail she'll always say or do something that ranges from mildly questionable or irritating but relatively Whatever to How Have You Survived This Long Without Burning Your House Down Boiling An Egg
#snap chats#and then there's her just forgetting things or being late despite the amount of times ill remind her#and i keep stressing to her i cannot stand it when people are late. and then she shows up to things an hour late anyway#or 'when shes late' by fifteen minutes because she didnt think to text me she's there. and im already stressed and annoyed I. UGH i swear.#LIKE. i have only really had two irl friends and both of them i lowkey had to parent in some way#at least my childhood bestie she's like. she's grown a lot and even if i havent spoken to her in a while im real proud of her right#THIS MOTHERFUCKER THO. OUUUUUGGGH.... youre not supposed to say anythin if you dont got nothin nice to say#which is contradictory to the main body text but point is let me Not be any more mean than how ive been already LMAO#even funnier about her looking at that comic is that LITERALLY masumi says he's talking to jo ☠️☠️☠️☠️#did i already say i have to remind her who jo is every three seconds#like the entirety of chap 2 when ichi's out of jail she was all 'why doesnt he just say who ACTUALLY killed the guy'#and then when we finally run into the fuckass who 'actually killed the guy' she's just 'wait who's that'#then i tell her and shes like 'oh my god he's so old now' IT'S BEEN 18 YEARS DUMBASS#ngl did wanna make a comic based off that LMAO BUT POINT IS she tests my patience every day and i think its good practice#if im going to work with people in the future like ohh.. my god....#she told me once she's never been on a date and its like. yeah i wonder why you can't even be assed to show up on time to hangouts ☠️#like ive never had friends so maybe im just insane.. im not insane for wanting people to be on time tho....#OK IM BEING TOO MEAN LET ME CAP IT THERE
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Sorry to start complaining but its my tumblr
#my friend cut me off for being mean to a guy she didn't even know#and said she hated how i treated ppl but she literally stalked his account to find his brother and post in our gc that hes hot#and proceeded to ask if he's bisexual#i was mean to him bc he kept standing me up so i said he can hangout now or im done talking to him#she was so mad at me for it too and ended a 6 year friendship ovr it#i cant help but to be upset she left and i started subconsciously blaming her#like she didn't know my dad was gonna die etc. but i was with her 24/7 when her family member died#I WAS WATCHING MY GRANDMA WHO HAD CANCER BTW.#like she didn't care at all abt me and it's so hard to face that while not having my dad#then i made a new friend and we talked for awhile but she cut me off randomly w/out any reason#and ive been crying over it#i just feel like i am an issue and problem#I have a horrible habit of only choosing one person to talk to and then facing the repercussions of it when they leave (isolated)#and i know it's my fault but i wish ppl told me what i did wrong or what i did to make them mad/uncomfortable/sad bc i can fix my behavior#but if they just leave it shows they didn't really want to be my friend and that's ok but#all i have is my husband and it gets so boring my life shouldn't revolve around him yet it does because I'm so inept at talking
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was brave and talked to my doctor abt my period bs + she said it might be endometriosis without me even having to bring it up... 💀
#shes prescribed me naproxen & tranexamic acid for now bc theyre basically the only 2 painkiller options i havent tried yet#but shes said she'll text me some resources on endometriosis and asked me to book an appt in january to update her#and then she can either issue a repeat script or we can go down the route of trying to diagnose a condition#which would likely take a long time so id probably have to try hormonal meds again in the meantime but she was rly understanding abt#the fact id had negative experiences w them before so was apprehensive abt it. so nice to have a dr who actually cares instead of trying#to fob me off w over the counter meds which is what happened last time lol#she was like wow im surprised they told you to take codeine for cramps thats not smth id recommend due to the side effects 💀#like damn. well ive been doing it for the last few years and yeah its not great#augh.... its ok tho i feel better now im actively doing smth abt it and looking for a diagnosis is an option thats available#bc ik how rare it is for gps to take patients seriously. the average diagnosis time for endometriosis is 12 years in wales 💀💀#my mums had such a struggle with gynaecology in her part of the country too shes been waiting for an operation for almost a year#and they booked her in for it and everything and then when she showed up the doctor was like im so so sorry i dont have access to a clinic#and i wanted to cancel your appt bc obvs i cant carry out the surgery without a clinic but the practice refused to let me cancel it#she showed my mum emails shed sent to management begging them to let her cancel patients she wasnt able to treat bc its such a waste of#everyones time and resources and rly shitty to do but they told her to 'watch herself and think about meeting her targets' 💀#bc cancellations look bad on their records so they were forcing her to hold appts without treatment anyway lmfao#insane country how is the nhs still functioning.#anyway thats todays medical report ik how eagerly u guys have been waiting on my pussy update#didnt ask abt antidepressants bc didnt have time and anyway im handling it better now its just taken a while to adjust to the shorter days#and the cramp stuff is way more pressing bc i get them for a week or two before my period AND when i ovulate now#so im probably spending equal amts of time in pain than not in pain every month now 👍#actually makes me feel fucking insane when i start thinking about it. its fine tho. okay im gonna piss and then go out again to sort out#everything ive gotta do today and then i can just chill this afternoon#how is it only 10am.....#.diaries
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Fuck.
#whT if i just. what if i just. what if i just#haha. hehehe. hahahaha. fuck. me.#i blinked. i fucking BLINKED. suddenly theyre yelling at each other.#'shes on her period her emotions are out of control rn'#no you dont understand. thats not how it works. you dont snap like that bc ur on ur period.#im scared. im so fucking scared. what#if she has bpd too. what if it passed down to her and its judt showing now?#yk when it happened i only felt hurt in my chest? i didnt feel anything at all. all that emotional training paid off ig#yeard and years of telling myself to shut my emotions off rlly worked bc ive never heard her scream and cuss like that before#yet i didnt feel anything. but i did feel my inner child crying. i felt deja vu.#a distant memory of when she was yelling and arguing with HIM while i cry and piss myself on the rug when i was barely 2 years old#when my mom yelled and started sobbing and started cussing and fuck#it was so triggering but it felt like my body stopped working. it stopped completely. but like#my instincts. felt. like. it was on fight or flight mode. i wanted to run. my legs ached and i couldnt walk but it felt like i wanted to run#i wanma falk about it i wanna ralk about it so bad but what if i talk too much and ppl see how depressed i really am#i dont want to give off rhat impression. i want to give off a happy impressiom even tho im not#for ronight. and tomorrow. i dont wanna function properly.#ive functioned enouvh this week. ill take a break today and tomorrow.#for tomorrow. ill pretend i died and my ghost is wandering around my room. for tomorrow ill rot my soul away.#ill pick up the pieces for it later. i dont feel like piecing myself together right now.#im so. im so fucking tired. i feel like the only thing thatll comfort me rn is to hug a clay statue of yuuta for some odd reason#ive been so unbelievanly depressed for the past few months fuck i want to die i want to die so bad#and theres not even like a single reason why. i dont rememver. i cant remember. i cant feel. anything.#i dont wsnt to live right now. can i just. die. and then get brought back to life later when i feel ready again.
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pre-artfight preparing always makes me feel so. nostalgic? a bit bittersweet? god it always makes me feel so rambly
#i waaaant to talk to someone about it but its like 5aaaam so everyone is asleeeeep#dont mind me btw im just . auaug hohghoooh uuuhuhugg auauahha ykno?#gonna get a few thoughts out here feel free to read or not idunno. its about my art and ocs ->#this isnt even quite just artfight but sometimes im workin on drawin somethin for a character and im just looking at all their old art and#seeing how far both the character and art has come has always been so neat to me ykno?#and artfight letting me put my characters out there just a little bit more is so nice... the fact that someone drew lumie a little bit afte#i made her and made her look SO SO SO pretty when she was barely a character at the time... it made me want to draw her myself so much more#its still one of my favorite pieces of 'fanart' ive gotten even if it is quite offmodel by now lol#and seeing people show love to characters i never would have thought wouldve gotten art? hell yeah man!#thinking about how so many of my early characters were based off of songs which may not even fit them nowadays... how some of them have#actual bodies now (some of them still dont... sorry guys lmao)#and even how i came to start Actually Drawing and making characters. idunno man i like talking about how far ive come in such a short time#i only started really drawing in like. early 2021!! its only been about 3 years... the whiteboard that spawned my first characters i kept a#ocs was in feb of 2021... insanity....#anyways. there was probably more but i got distracted while writing this soooo im gonna j#jem.txt
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⛈️ //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway… just… …#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ❤️#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? …im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i ‘shoulsnt feel this way’#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as ‘woe is me’ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & I’m not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar that’s just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldn’t. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when she’s upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
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[ID copied from alt text: A digital comic showing Ladybug standing with her elbows on a railing, her hands up in the air in exasperation as she says, "so i found out that my boyfriend's father - gabriel agreste - was actually my arch-nemesis hawkmoth, who has been terrorising the city constantly. and he actually got both of our miraculous and reshaped reality and then he disappeared. so i told everyone that he - gabriel agreste - helped me defeat hawkmoth and now everyone thinks hes a hero. plus he apparently created my boyfriend from the peacock miraculous. so now ive been lying to my boyfriend about being a superhero, about his father, and about how he's a sentimonster."
"so that's what's been up with me lately," Ladybug finishes, looking over to the side.
It cuts to show Zuko staring at Ladybug, sweating nervously. "um…"
Zuko shrugs his shoulders and says, "that's… rough, buddy?"
While Zuko says that, Chat Noir lands on the roof they're both standing on. He's looking down to put his baton on his back while saying, "hey, my lady, sorry i'm late. you wouldn't believe what -"
Chat Noir looks up and cuts himself off to ask, " - is that zuko avatar?" End ID]
prince zuko, i am hawkmoth. i have given you the ability to regain your honor. nobody will be able to evade your capture, especially the avatar. all i want from you in exchange are ladybug and chat noir's miracu--
#miraculous ladybug#avatar the last airbender#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#zuko#chat noir#ladybug#calen draws#adding this sucker to queue and going to bed
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