#and ive been there years and have 20 followers and get 1 like per post lmao

[alchemiclee]

I have so many photos I need to post. 15 years worth!!! I started posting them on my old tumblr's side blog but never finished and then I abandoned tumblr for years. but tbh I feel like posting my work doesn't benefit me and it's just more pointless work for me 😭 especially instagram and twitter where my posts get maybe 1 like from a follower if i'm lucky and that's it. why do I even bother 😭 no one is excited to see my work so it'd hard to motivate myself to actually share anything when it doesn't benefit me and when no one else is excited for or looking forward to it. sometimes I lose that "I made a thing I want to share it like a kid hanging their finger painting on the fridge" mentality 😅 even kids can get discouraged and give up sharing if you don't ooo and ahhh over their work. does that make sense?

[gdwessel]

Wrestle Grand Slam in MetLife Dome Night 1 - 9/4/2021; Wrestle Kingdom 16 Will Be Three Nights, Two Arenas; NJPW Strong Episode 56 - 9/3/2021; Yuya Uemura v. Vinnie Massaro in West Coast Pro 9/10/2021

This is the second attempt at writing this post, as my laptop decided to give me the good old Blue Screen of Death in the middle of writing this before, and of course, Tumblr isn’t set up up save posts in progress. I had issues last weekend technologically too, so I get the feeling a new laptop may be in my future. This post may not be as long or informative as it was previously, as I don’t know if I have it in me to rewrite this all again.

In any event, Night 1 of Wrestle Grand Slam in MetLife Dome took place earlier today in Saitama, and you can see it now on NJPWWorld or FITE TV. This comes during a very busy weekend for wrestling, not just in Hoffman Estates, IL, either, with all the AEW, GCW and BLP events happening around ALL OUT weekend. Earlier as well, STARDOM held a critical 5-Star Grand Prix show (where I misspoke yesterday, it was Syuri, not Giulia, who wrestled Utami Hayashishita to a 20-minute time limit draw in the tournament today), NOAH ran a big-ish show, and DDT had a major show as well that saw the dissolution of popular heel unit DAMNATION.

Wrestle Grand Slam in MetLife Dome - 9/4/2021, Saitama MetLife Dome (NJPWWorld, FITE TV)

STARDOM Offer Match: Momo Watanabe & Saya Kamitani [Queen’s Quest] d. Maika [Donna del Mundo] & Lady C (Kamitani > C, Phoenix Splash, 12:02)

Robbie Eagles [CHAOS] & Tiger Mask IV d. Hiromu Takahashi & BUSHI [Los Ingobernables] (Eagles > BUSHI, Ron Miller Special, 11:40)

SHO [CHAOS] d. YOH [CHAOS] (Referee Stoppage, 24:41)

Provisional KOPW2021 No-DQ I Quit Match: Toru Yano [CHAOS] d. Chase Owens [Bullet Club] © (28:03) - Yano is the Provisional KOPW2021 Champion

Jeff Cobb [United Empire] d. Kazuchika Okada [CHAOS] (Tour Of The Islands, 27:41)

IWGP US Heavyweight Championship: Hiroshi Tanahashi © d. Kota Ibushi (High Fly Flow, 17:47) - Tanahashi succeeds his 1st defense

Tanahashi is still America’s Champion, and you’d be hard pressed to find anyone to argue against that. Post-main, Tana declared that although it will take a long time, that the world will eventually get better, and he will still be in the NJPW ring when it does. Meanwhile, Ibushi wept to start the match, his first in several months following a bout with pneumonia. The loss makes me wonder what they will do with Ibushi next. He is not currently in the picture for the IWGP World Heavyweight title he (kayfabe) created earlier this year. He never got a rematch with Will Ospreay, who’s now absconded to NJPW Strong, and his scheduled match v. Shingo Takagi from Wrestle Grand Slam in Tokyo Dome has not been rescheduled yet either. I can’t imagine they would have Ibushi win a 3rd consecutive G1 Climax (or have him in a 4th consecutive final either). It just seems like the Golden Star has really fallen from the high of his victory over Tetsuya Naito for the Double Gold back in January, which honestly feels like years, not months, ago.

Cobb, as predicted, gets the win over Okada, which will lead to a rubber match happening during G1 Climax more than likely. Toru Yano, hair dyed for the first time in a long while, got very hardcore, including threatening to use scissors at one point, meaning NJPW’s plan to incorporate Nick Gage at some point is full steam ahead. Yano regains the KOPW trophy. There was no reason on God’s green Earth for there to be three different 20+ minute matches (two of which going almost 30) on this show. Not every match needs to be an epic, much less a freaking KOPW match, which is meant to be gimmicky and ridiculous by nature. I understand the need to reduce the number of matches per show, but the answer is not to bloat them. Tana v. Ibushi managed to keep it under twenty and that was the main event. Enough with this already.

SHO is, as expected, no longer part of CHAOS, and has instead gone over to the Bullet Club, specifically a new sub-faction called the House of Torture. This is a very very bad name. The group appears to be EVIL, SHO, Dick Togo and Yujiro Takahashi. Sub-factions in Bullet Club have always been successful and they do not tease a break-up angle within BC ever. Ahem. I get the short-term need; as with last summer, many of the critical Bullet Club members (in this case Jay White, Tama Tonga, Tanga Loa and presumably KENTA) are not in Japan right now, choosing to stay in the USA due to continuing COVID-19/quarantine issues. So numbers need to be made up. Creatively, SHO joining Bullet Club, much less a sub-faction, was the most boring route to take. Given his recent outing in GLEAT, succeeding in a UWF-rules match, as well as his MMA bona fides, one would have thought Suzuki-gun would be a better fit, or even the Empire, who need the numbers right now, as well as a junior member (if indeed SHO is staying as a junior). I can see an angle coming from this, depending on how tomorrow goes, but SHO in Bullet Club is just Meh. Whatever the case, SHO defeats YOH, and this angle will continue.

Los Dos Peligrosos are just cursed anymore, but it does make me think that Hiromu will win tomorrow. The STARDOM match was very good, and I hope that whatever contract entanglements were preventing previous STARDOM exhibition matches from being shown on NJPWWorld are being worked out, because I’d like to see more STARDOM on NJPWWorld if the STARDOM World app isn’t coming on Fire TV Stick. Tomorrow is another match.

The biggest news to come from this show is the announcement that Wrestle Kingdom 16 will not just be two nights, but indeed three, and at two different venues. The shows on the now-traditional January 4 & 5, 2022, dates will be at the Tokyo Dome, as with the last two years. Then, on 1/8/2022, NJPW will run Wrestle Kingdom 16 in Yokohama Arena, an obvious make-good for blowing off the August 8 Yokohama Bunka Gym date the last two years. This, honestly, seems really unnecessary. The two-night Wrestle Kingdom 14 was one thing, as the dates fell on a Saturday and Sunday, and there was a specific mission from Bushiroad, to legit sell out the Tokyo Dome; that they were able to somewhat naturally come up with the Double Gold Dash at the same time made this feel pretty special, especially with the final winner being Tetsuya Naito. This past January, we got another two-night WK, but that seemed out of necessity, with the attendance and match number restrictions foisted upon NJPW due to the pandemic. Three years in, and it seems like making this a three-night event is out of a sense of “because we can,” not because they should. There’s still time for me to change my mind, but I don’t see it happening, especially since NJPW has very much cooled off as a product in the pandemic years, although still by far the biggest promotion in Japan.

Last night’s episode of NJPW Strong was the BBQ Brawl, which, LORD that is an AWFUL name...

Josh Alexander [Impact] d. Daniel Garcia [FREE] (Divine Intervention, 10:38)

TJP [FREE] d. Rey Horus [ROH] (Mambe Splash, 11:06)

Hikuleo [Bullet Club] d. Matt Morris (Tongan Driver, 9:44)

Hikuleo gets the win in prep for the forthcoming (cough) tables match v. Juice Robinson. The second match was a rematch from a previous Strong episode, back in February. Garcia once again wrestles on Strong and AEW Rampage on the same night, losing in both cases, to Impact’s X Division champion, and Darby Allin, respectively.

Next week’s episode will be the final Friday night episode for the show.

Yuya Uemura’s excursion in the LA Dojo now begins in earnest with his first non-NJPW booking. This coming Friday, 9/10/2021 in West Coast Pro Wrestling (the same promotion hosting Minoru Suzuki v. Daniel Garcia on 10/8/2021) at their I Hate You With A Passion event, Yuya will take on veteran Vinnie Massaro. Massaro has been around the block a few times; he’s featured over the years on Lucha Underground and AEW Dark, and has also taken on the alter-ego Ultimo Panda on more than one occasion. He’s pretty active on Wrestling Twitter too, and is a pretty fun guy. 

Tomorrow is the second night of Wrestle Grand Slam in MetLife Dome, which will once again show on both NJPWWorld and FITE TV. Four title matches and another STARDOM match feature here.

- 9/5/2021, Saitama MetLife Dome (NJPWWorld, FITE TV)

STARDOM Offer Match: Giulia & Syuri [Donna del Mundo] v. Momo Watanabe & Saya Kamitani [Queen’s Quest]

Kazuchika Okada & Tomohiro Ishii [CHAOS] v. Jeff Cobb & Great O-Khan [United Empire]

IWGP Juniorheavyweight Tag Team Championship: Taiji Ishimori & El Phantasmo [Bullet Club] © v. El Desperado & Yoshinobu Kanemaru [SZKG]

IWGP Heavyweight Tag Team Championship 3-Way Match: Taichi & Zack Sabre Jr. [SZKG] © v. Tetsuya Naito & SANADA [Los Ingobernables] v. Hirooki Goto & YOSHI-HASHI [CHAOS]

IWGP Juniorheavyweight Championship: Robbie Eagles [CHAOS] © v. Hiromu Takahashi [Los Ingobernables]

IWGP World Heavyweight Championship: Shingo Takagi [Los Ingobernables] © v. EVIL [Bullet Club]

[hxlcyon]

tagged by @delvalentine (absolutely affectionately) 🥺💕 thank you for the tag and the chance to ramble?? thank u vv much kdbchd ANYWAY ignore my far too long answers in the read below

Rules: Tag five followers you'd like to get to know better. i hope u know reading this made me snort cause ive been followed by over 60 porn bots in the past couple of weeks—i know who im gonna tag now /j

Nicknames: ammy, bazooka, su, sury, ray (i feel like i'm forgetting one but?? oh well)

Gender: nonbinary by all pronouns babbbyeee ✌️

Star Sign: capricorn!! ♑️

Sexuality: demi-pan

Hogwarts House: i hope u know this question took me the longest and i had to go through so many fuckin harry potter quizzes and all of them are either super fuckin like abcd or so v archetype specific that it made it unrelatable because why tf would having done a singular sport in the past put me in gryffindor or having a singular moral in hufflepuff—anyway probably slytherin or gryffindor ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Animals: HARD QUESTION..... HM... i really love beluga whales and emperor penguins!! BUT.. i've been thinking abt pandas sm like u wouldn't believe..! literally, i put on a panda zoo cam while i was stress writing for an assignment a couple of months ago and the absolute tranquility i felt.... effervescent 🐌

Average hours of sleep per night: my sleep schedule used to be really bad until a month ago when i started a strict routine. like... it used to be around 1 hour to 26 hours....... BUT!! now!! i get maybe about 6-8 hours of sleep each night (if i get less than 6 at this point ill just fall asleep standing jfc)!! my skin has never been better!! although, i really haven't had the chance to have dreams lately cause of that;;

Dogs or Cats: hurts... to admit it... after refusing to admit it for years.. but....... cats...... i'm so sorry fido, but i think i've just lost the energy to keep up with dogs haha

Number of Blankets: used to sleep with 5+ but it's too hot here so now i sleep with only 2 blankets—to be fair though?? one is a weighted heated blanket so it should count for a couple of extra blankets right?? anyway. my pillow count is over 20+ and i am constantly looking to expand my collection of soft, marshmallow plushes to sleep on

Dream Trip: wherever tf that one underwater hotel was where u can fall asleep looking at jellyfish with pretty blue lights and the inevitable fear of the glass walls of the hotel shattering under the pressure of the hotel's poor architecture

and also a hatsune miku concert tour

Dream Job: i simply do not dream of work. i feel like i answered this question b4 in a different tag meme but u know what?? i am consistent. i dream of no labor and a shitton of money. but also, i'd love to be a girlboss™ and yoshi-p by creating a product/game that people come to adore alongside a whole community to join my passion project

When I made this account: ?? after going through my tumblr anniversary/birthday emails, i think i made this account on Dec 15, 2014? not fully sure but i guess i never started posting until a year later on august 2015.

Why I made this account: honest to god i can't remember. who knows what i was doing at the ripe age of 11. i probably.. if i had to guess?? made it for my aesthetic/bookworm phase or my astrology phase? definitely something to do with wattpad or ifunny. probably. maybe.

taglist (feel free to do it only if u wanna!!): @leeleiloh @yearning-moon @amatxs @stinkiedinkiedoodles @pomkiri @spacecowkid

[duggardata]

All The Data:  Jill (Duggar) + Derick Dillard

The Couple—

Jill Michelle (Duggar) Dillard  (b. May 17, 1991)

Parents   Jim Bob + Michelle (Ruark) Duggar

Child #   4 of 19

Hometown   Tontitown, AR

Early Education   Homeschool  (ATI/IBLP and SOS)

Higher Education   Coursework in Bible & Theology (c. 2016), Boyce College (Online); Apprenticeship in Midwifery (2011—2015) (See 19 Kids & Counting (4–2–13), “Baby On The Way” and 19 Kids & Counting (2–24–15), “Bridesmaids and Babies.”)

Credentials   Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) w/ North American Registry of Midwives (NARM) (2015) (Note—It’s unclear if Jill was ever actually licensed in Arkansas, or anywhere.  She was, however, eligible for licensure in Arkansas due to her NARM Certification.); EMT Training (c. 2010) (19 Kids & Counting (9–7–10), “Testy Duggars.”) 

Occupation   Stay–at–Home Wife / Mother  (2014—)

… Previously   Church Planter / Missionary, SOS Ministries (El Salvador; 2015—2017); Lay Midwife’s Apprentice, A Mommy’s Butterfly Midwifery  (Springdale, AR; 2011—2015)  (Supervised by Venessa Giron, who was later stripped of her midwifery license.); Volunteer EMT., Springdale Fire Department  (Springdale, AR; c. 2010—?) (19 Kids & Counting (11–3–10), “Duggars On Fire.”)

Derick Michael Dillard  (b. March 9, 1989)

Parents   Richard (“Rick”) Dillard + Cathy (George) Byrum  (Note—Rick Dillard died in August 2008.  Cathy has since remarried.  Derick’s Step–Father is named Ronnie Byrum.)

Child #   1 of 2

Hometown   Rogers, AR

Early Education   H.S. Diploma (2007), Rogers High School (Rogers, AR); Rogers Public Schools (c. 1995—2007)  

Higher Education   University of Arkansas School of Law (Fayetteville, AR; 2018—); Graduate / Completed “Residency” (2018), Cross Church School of Ministry (Springdale, AR); Coursework in Biblical Studies (2014—2017), Southwest Baptist Theological Seminary (Online); B.S.B.A. in Accounting / Economics (2011), Oklahoma State University (Stillwater, OK)

Credentials   Eagle Scout, Boy Scouts of America (BSA) (2007)

Occupation   Full–Time Student, University of Arkansas School of Law  (Fayetteville, AR; 2018—); Extern, Sebastian County Prosecutor’s Office (2020—) 

… Previously   Law Clerk, Arkansas Attorney General (Little Rock, AR; 2019); Fellow, Federal Public Defender (Fayetteville, AR; 2019); Resident Missions Minister, Cross Church (Springdale, AR; 2017—2018), Church Planter / Missionary, SOS Ministries (El Salvador; 2015—2017); Tax Accountant, Wal–Mart (Bentonville, AR; 2014—2015); Field Missionary, International Mission Board (Kathmandu, Nepal; 2012—2014), Pistol Pete Mascot, Oklahoma State University (Stillwater, OK; 2009—2011)

Their Relationship—

First “Meeting” (By Phone)   March 2013

Location   by Phone  (Jill in Tontitown, AR; Derick in Nepal.)

Details   While Derick was in Nepal, he reached out and asked Jim Bob, Jill’s Father, to be his “prayer partner.”  Jim Bob agreed.  After getting to know Derick, Jim Bob apparently decided to set Jill up with him—telling her good things about him, and vice versa.  Then, in March 2013, Derick was on the phone with Jim Bob, when Jill happened to walk in the room.  Jim Bob put Jill on the phone briefly, and Derick introduced himself.

Pre–Courtship   August 17, 2013

Location   via Skype  (Jill in Tontitown, AR; Derick in Nepal.)

Details   In August 2013, Jim Bob gave Derick Jill’s phone number, and encouraged them to communicate directly.  (With him CCed on all texts, of course.)  Jill + Derick then Skyped for the first time on August 17, and the call lasted for >5 Hours.  After that, they began talking regularly, and Jill ultimately planned a trip to Nepal to visit Derick, leading to...

First Meeting (In Person)   November 17, 2013  (Sunday)

Location   Tribhuvan International Airport; Kathmandu, Nepal  (19 Kids & Counting (5–6–14), “Going The Distance for Love.”)

Timing   Jill and Jim Bob left Arkansas for Nepal on November 15, 2013.  After 36 Hours of travel, they arrived in Nepal and met Derick.  (19 Kids & Counting (5–6–14), “Going the Distance for Love.”)  Factoring in the time change of +10.75 Hours, the 36 Hour trip effectively took 47 Hours...  Jill would have landed in Nepal and met Derick on November 17, 2013—i.e., 2 Days after she left Arkansas.  (See Also This Prior Post.)

Details   Derick picked Jill and Jim Bob up at the airport.

Featured On   19 Kids & Counting (5–6–14), “Going The Distance for Love”

Courtship   November 22, 2013  (Friday)  

Location   Outside Jill and Jim Bob’s Hotel; Kathmandu, Nepal  (Note—Duggar Data tried to identify the specific hotel, but was unable to do so.)  (19 Kids & Counting (5–16–13), “The Big Question.”) 

Details   Jill and Jim Bob spent close to a week in Nepal with Derick, and they were packing up—headed to the airport—when Derick pulled Jill aside, sat her down on the steps of the hotel, and said:  “If it’s alright with you, I’m interested in starting an official courtship.”  Jill infamously replied:  “Yeah...  That would be awesome.  Totally!”  (Full Video.  See 19 Kids & Counting (5–13–14), “The Big Question.”) 

Announced   March 31, 2014 in People  (Exclusive; +129 Days)  (Note—Jill didn’t announce the courtship until Derick proposed.  They had been engaged for a few days at the time of the Courtship Announcement.)

Featured On   19 Kids & Counting (5–13–14), “The Big Question”

Engagement   March 29, 2014  (Saturday)

Location   Bentonville City Square; Bentonville, AR  (19 Kids & Counting (6–3–14), “The Proposal.”)   

Details   Derick took Jill out to lunch (at Table Mesa in Bentonville), then suggested a walk around the square, when they encountered a guitarist.  The guitarist asked Jill if she’d like to hear a song.  She said yes, and he began singing an original song that Derick wrote about his and Jill’s love story.  After the song, Derick got down on one knee and proposed.  (See 19 Kids & Counting (6–3–14), “The Proposal.”  See Also.) 

Announced   April 9, 2014 in People  (Exclusive; +11 Days)

Featured On   19 Kids & Counting (6–3–14), “The Proposal”

Wedding   June 21, 2014, Unknown Time  (Saturday)

Location   Cross Church—Springdale; Springdale, AR

Officiant   [ Unknown ]  (Anyone recognize him?)

MOH   Jana Duggar  (Jill’s Sister)

Best Man   Daniel Dillard  (Derick’s Brother)

Announced   June 21, 2014 in People  (Exclusive; Same Day)

Featured On   19 Kids & Counting (10–28–14), “Jill’s Wedding”

Honeymoon   Kill Devil Hills (The Outerbanks), NC  (Note—Jill + Derick did not have the film crew along on their honeymoon, at all.)

Their Children—

Israel David Dillard  (b. April 6, 2015)

Pregnancy Announced   August 20, 2014 in People  (Exclusive; 64 Days / 9W + 1D Along)  

Sex Revealed   October 21, 2014 in People  (126 Days / 18W Along)

Due Date   March 24, 2015  (See Also)

Birthdate & Time   April 6, 2015, 11:49 PM  (13 Days Late)

Weight & Length   9 Pounds, 10 Ounces; 23 Inches

Birth Announced   April 7, 2015 on Jill’s Instagram  (+1 Day)

Name Revealed   w/ Birth Announcement

Birth Details   Jill planned a home birth attended by CPM Joy Coonfield.  (19 Kids & Counting (2–24–15), “Bridesmaids and Babies.”)  During labor, however, a number of complications arose.  Jill tested positive for Strep–B, and received IV antibiotics while in labor.  Her water broken on April 4, and she began laboring at home, as planned.  Unfortunately, she wasn’t progressing.  After 55 Hours, Jill noticed a “faint stain” of meconium and decided to go to the hospital.  Once there, she initially refused Pitocin or an epidural.  Later on, she agreed to both.  Still, no baby.  After about 70 Hours, Jill’s medical team determined that the baby had “flipped” into a transverse breach position, was in distress, and required urgent delivery.  At that point, Jill consented to an Emergency C–Section.  (See 19 Kids & Counting (5–5–15), “Jill’s Special Delivery.”)

Featured On   19 Kids & Counting (5–5–15), “Jill’s Special Delivery”

Samuel Scott Dillard  (b. July 8, 2017)

Pregnancy Announced   December 20, 2016 in People  (Exclusive; ~80 Days / 11W + 3D Along)

Sex Revealed   January 30, 2017 in People  (Exclusive; ~121 Days / 17W + 2D Along)

Name Revealed   June 6, 2017 on the Dillard Family Blog  (~248 Days / 35W + 3 Days Along) 

Due Date   “Early July” 2017  (Permalink.)  (Duggar Data uses July 8th.) 

Birthdate & Time   July 8, 2017, 1:02 PM

Weight & Length   9 Pounds, 10 Ounces.; 22 Inches

Birth Announced   July 8, 2017 on Derick’s Twitter  (Same Day)  (Note—Later that day, they also announced on The Dillard Family Blog.)

Birth Details   Jill apparently attempted a VBAC.  Per Derick, Jill labored for 40 Hours but, in the end, she needed another C–Section.  It’s unclear if Jill labored at home or the hospital.  Little is known about the birth, and it wasn’t televised on Counting On.  After his birth, Sam spent 2 Weeks in the NICU for unknown reasons.

Featured On   N/A  (Not Televised)

What’s Next?

As of April 10, 2020, Jill + Derick are 398 Days (2.60 SDs) overdue to announce Pregnancy #3.  The Predictor will deem their quiver “closed” if they still haven’t announced by July 8, 2022—i.e., 5 Years and 5+ SDs after Sam’s arrival.  As of now, the Predictor forecasts their next pregnancy as follows—

Baby News   June 10, 2020  (3 SDs Late)

Sex Reveal   July 31, 2020   

Due Date   January 3, 2021

Birthdate   January 10, 2021

Currently, their Procreative Pace is 1 Child Every 930 Days (2.5 Years)—but, it’s increasing by +1 Day every 2 Days, due to them being “late” for Pregnancy #3.  Jill’s Fertility Cut–Off is August 13, 2034, at the Age of 43.24.  (That’s based on Michelle Duggar’s fertility.)  With that Procreative Pace and Fertility Cut–Off, Jill + Derick’s current ESOQ is 8 Children.         

... That’s “All The Data” for Jill + Derick!

[avpdpunpun]

i disappeared for 3/4ths a year here’s an update?

its been 4 months since my queue ran out and way longer since i wrote an actual post. 8 months about? i think i last posted when i impulse quit a job that was bad for my mental health and just kept getting worse.

sometimes i wonder when ppl who blog about mental illness disappear if they’ve died. there was a big user i used to follow who did, and i still occasionally think about it sometimes, so i figure its nice to post updates sometimes. and being able to look back on posts ive written and reflect on them/what state of mind i was in can be helpful even if it can be embarrassing/dangerous because its so easy to fall back into those thinking habits 

after quitting my job i did basically nothing for 6 months haha. at some point i managed to clean out my room which i had done the bare minimum on for years because of depression, took out more built up trash than i thought was possible to fit into my small space. its disgusting but the only thing i struggle to keep up with now at least is vacuuming and putting clothes away so my space is a lot cleaner and it makes me happier. your living space can really have an effect on your mood bless you marie kondo

after my post about having an anxiety attack taking my test i got my drivers license in march. i saw the same lady again after going somewhere else and i think she just let me pass because she felt bad haha. i never finished drivers ed and i still get anxiety about driving unfamiliar routes but my skills and confidence have improved a lot. i managed to drive 2 hours to a big city to visit a friend! i literally didnt have a choice in getting my license, but its still something i can be proud of. like, when i have to explain it to people, it feels extremely shitty that i didnt get it until i was 20, and only about 5 months ago too but... for someone who struggles as much as me, i have to be proud of it my small accomplishments or i’ll have nothing.

at some point something in my brain just snapped and i literally havent been able to cry? for a long time in those 6 months i felt like i was right on the edge of breaking down mentally but never actually crossing that line and it was honestly one of the weirdest things ive experienced. i almost wanted to have a breakdown again just to get rid of the feeling and reach a catharsis like... i used to be a fucking crybaby almost but i. cant. anymore. but i think ive mostly moved away from this point... still feel kinda weird tho.

i didnt end up signing up to a local school fo gen eds. its still on my mind for the vague future because there’s topics i want to learn about (psychology, natural resources, languages...) and maybe try to pursue for a career but really i just wanted a way to get out of my toxic house, even if it meant going into debt to live in a shitty dorm. 

in the last 30 days though life has been moving extremely quickly for me. i dont think i couldve lived with myself much longer being a useless adult basically living in my basement bedroom of my parents house, especially with my younger siblings getting nearer to adult milestones, plus my savings were starting to run out.

so literally next weekend, i’m moving out! and i make enough money right now that with the rough budget i have established, if its accurate, i’ll have a decent amount of wiggle room and hopefully wont be ruining my mental health just trying to make ends meet.

it took a long time of searching but i managed to find a job that hasnt made me suicidal and has slightly more than the MIT living wage for my area lol. im a janitor now! we’ll see how long it lasts but a lot of the factors from my last two jobs that contributed to my failing mental health are gone. i rarely have to interact with other people, and if i do its my coworkers, of who i tend to only see for minutes per day, or the other people working in the building i clean who at most i have to say hi and have a nice night to lol. i get to listen to music and podcasts for 8 hours and its very routine heavy. i have to clock out after the 8 hours is up so i literally cant be forced into overtime. a lot of people dont respect cleaning jobs like this but honestly who gives a fuck, its something i can handle mentally and support myself with. its still hard adjusting to 40 hours. i know its the standard, but the standard is rly tough for me, but i think i can do it long term.

all of this has been achieved through sheer self hatred and impulse alone, and im very nervous about moving in with 3 other people even if 1 of them ive known for 8 years, and i dont think its even properly hit me yet. literally cant register that i have to fend 100% for myself but also ill be away from my toxic family! i can bring my cat with me, who before this i got to see at MOST once a week!

a dude ive known online for two or more years is moving to my area too for college and he’s so sweet and kind, i feel better talking to him than i have 99% of people in my life and im so lucky to know him. ive been forced to talk about personal things i was kind of dreading (not his fault, just a result of our relationship going to go from online -> irl and things id have to address beforehand) and honestly i didnt even mind it that much when i just got it over with and talked about it to him! vulnerability is literally the thing i struggle with the most in interpersonal relationships and is a huge block for me in every way and in even the most mundane life situations but like... he’s honestly the best and im getting emotional writing this and its weird af because i straight up dont GET emotional about other people. ive absolutely developed a stupid fucking crush on him recently and i THINK hes been receptive to flirting and i cant tell if he flirts back because we already say i love you and are wholesome af but honestly no clue if he’s into (trans) dudes but honestly? even if it doesnt work out im so happy to be friends with him and im so excited to finally meet him!! i really think knowing him has helped me improve myself 

i’ve always thought that if i could literally just achieve the bare minimum in life that things would naturally get better. like i’m still mentally ill and get paranoid about peoples intentions and i think if my boss yelled at me id have an anxiety attack on the spot. im still depressed and hate that i have low energy and that it’s still rly hard doing basic chores. 

but like a huge part of my problem was that i felt like i literally couldn’t TRY to connect with people if i couldn’t face having to tell them bare info about myself, like “oh i cant drive” or “i dont have a job” or that i was living with my parents but not even making PROGRESS on getting out. like how could i make friends or go on dates if i literally couldnt contribute shit or admit these things i was so ashamed of? a lot of my self image was shaped by this because my entire life i havent been mentally well enough to do as well as i should have.

but like. i feel like im finally doing these basic things!! i dont have to hate myself so much anymore! i dont look badly on other mentally ill ppl who are less lucky than i/havent been able to do those things yet/might not ever and are still in the same situation i was 2 months ago but the self hatred is strong pls understand.

i dont know yet if i could afford twice yearly drs visits for meds or anything and probably not therapy. i dont even know what my insurance is yet haha. but i’ll see

i need to figure out at what point in my life im going to be able to never contact a single person in my family ever again, considering i’ll be a 20 min drive away and they will know the precise location of where i live, and if i’ll ever feel safe enough in society to start hrt but :^) you know :^) i can at least present more masculinely in the meantime!

i dont rly know how to conclude this... i’m not trying to brag either im just very nervous and excited about where my life might be going for the first time ever? maybe? in my entire life? i have no clue what to pursue after moving out, but i can figure it out. and just... that there’s hope even if youre as fucked up and mentally ill as i am lmao!

[alchemiclee]

I still don't understand how instagram works fhdnhdnse I was told by multiple people that it's easy and useful and and good I should post my art and stuff there but I never figured out how it works and it's been useless to me lmao I ALSO CANT STAND HOW IT CROPS PHOTOS (my number one complaint)

[justoneday-namjoonii]

Color me moonlight. II

☾ • I • II • III • IV • V • VI • VII ☽

› Summary: Some flowers are not to be plucked, for their thorns are far too sharp for any hand to graze, yet, she was touched. She was soft, fragile, she didn’t know it, but something that beautiful could never be bad. You grew up in a garden of loneliness, do you have a place to bloom? It’s alright, I’ll give you a place and we can bloom together.

› pairing: Taehyung x reader/OC › genre: angst | m | fluff | sci-fi au | supernatural!au | mutant!au | hybrid!au |

a/n: thank you for all of the love part 1 received! I was really happy to see that some of you are following this story(im personally loving it myself). If there are any questions at all, don’t hesistate to send in an ask! Your feed back is more than welcomed ♥♥

April 7th, 1988.

“Jane Sato, date of Biological Alteration and Repair test run, April 7th, 1988. Time, 1:07 Pm. Subject 1010; 20 years of age, male, 129 lb, 5′9. Biochemistry, molecular biology, bioinformatics, DNA-Polymerase, chromosomal translocation, and genetic isolates are among the primary research conducted for the operation. The patient’s condition of severe cell degeneration, Sickle-cell disease, and genetic malformations —” She paused, the recorders red light still on, “— compatible with all inquiries of biogenetic mutation and enhancement. Surgery will commence accompanied by surgeons, Jackson Blanchard, Stephanie Liu, Hanz Fai, and surgical nurse Joyce Brown. Surgery will now begin.” 

The scientists and doctors in the facility watched from the viewing room, standing right at the glass so they wouldn’t miss a thing. Her personal favorite, clair de lune, was the last song on the playlist in the background. After roughly 7 hours, the operation was complete.

“Alright,” She inspected with work they had done over several hours. The surgical mask, gown, and gloves were beginning to become a part of her from how long she had them on, “stitch him up.” 

She went to the sink in the back where she had left the recorder and thrown her gloves away.

“7:40 PM. The operation was successful. All vital signs are normal and patient 1010-FS is expected to recover well.” 

She washed up before greeting the group of eager professionals who came to witness history. She clears her throat. “Alright, questions?”

‘I have a question doctor. Last month, you discussed the possibility of a program dedicated to your research, can you tell us more about that?’

She nods. “Yes. I‘ve served the Medical Science Advisory for three years now and since the opening of the SRMA Facility, I’ve come far with my research. Starting next year, my program will start.”

“What does the program entail exactly?”

“First, 120 volunteers from all over the country will take part in the experimentation. I won’t reveal everything but I will say this, the participants will undergo extreme DNA modifications and molecular mutation on a supernatural level.”

***

October 19th, 1992. 4 years post-program.

The program commenced in 1989 and experimentations took place at the Science-Medical Facility. Just as she planned, 120 participants were under intensive study and experimentation. More volunteers came from all over, ranging from ages 10 to 30, per Dr. Sato’s request. Recently, Sato had begun to categorize the most and least successful cross-studies. The 4% of experiments with the M2-gene were separated to undergo intensive modification.

“Jane.”

“Yes?” She measured the potent liquid, one drop more and it would kill the receiver.

“Patient 1072.” Her assistant, Diana, placed the clipboard in on the doctor’s work table. “She’s been showing a lot of physical and behavioral progress.”

“1072, she’s in the lower level group, yeah? That’s good” Sato flipped through a book, her gaze softening. “Look at this, in 1973 in the United Kingdom, this poor thing was born with Tay-Sachs disease. She had seizures, vision and hearing loss, intellectual disability, and paralysis and she died at the age of 3.” She sighed. “I could have saved that girl and given her a life without pain and suffering. Those doctors didn’t know what they were doing...that’s why she died.”

Diana cleared her throat, nodding as she waits for the doctor to notice that she came here for something else.

“I’m sorry, what about 1072?”

“Oh, she’s receiving the DNA modification well, I think she can join the 4%.”

“Let me have a look-”

The facility speakers blared.

Dr. Sato to room B012.

“I guess I’ll have to wait.” Sato slipped her reading glasses off and made her way to the elevator so she could get to the 9th floor.

“Doctor, thank God.” Blanchard was standing in front of the patient's room with a few of their colleagues.

“What’s going on?”

“The experiment, he’s developed his first sign of mutation. His body is still weak but he has physical changes, you’d be amazed.” Her eyes brightened, this was her favorite part of the program, witnessing the changes. “We’ve watched him for 4 hours straight and well- You have to see him yourself.”

“Show me.”

He opened the door and let her walk in by herself, the boy sat up on the bed, seemingly normal aside from his extreme lack of pigment in his eyes, they looked translucent, almost pale. That was new. She approached him.

“Touch my hand.” She spoke, waiting for him to do it. “Go on, it’s okay.” He slowly reached his hand to place it on hers. Warm, his hand was warm and she felt a pang of heat in her chest, he winced, retreating his hand immediately.

“You’re coming along great.” She insisted. “Get some rest and you’ll get your medicine shortly.” She left the boy to sit in the room.

“Did you see it, doctor?”

“Yes. Continue testing and make a date for his procedure.” She instructed and he nodded. She was about to walk down the hall but she paused. “Oh, and move him up to the 4%.”

“Stupid earrings!” You kick the side of your vanity, instantly regretting it when a surge of pain went up to your leg.

The only pair of diamond earrings you owned were missing and you had 10 minutes to get to the subway or bus for the North Heights. Half of your hair was okay while the other side looked like a mangled up tumbleweed. You got the sleeve of your blouse caught in the bleach water for dishes so you had to change for the third time. This morning was starting off pretty rough. 

Margaret never specified a time until 6 o’clock this morning. She said Mr. Kim has appointments all day after 9 so, ‘Be here by 7:30.’ You live a half-hour away, and that’s when the bus isn’t late or if you catch a taxi on a good day. It was currently 6:47 and you were vigorously passing a comb through your hair. At this point, it doesn’t even matter if you look like Synthia from the Rugrats, you had to get out of here. You grabbed a ponytail holder and tied it up, at least you had somewhat of a presentable style now. Your little skirt and top would have to work with a pair of flats because there is no way you’re running around this city in heels today. 

“How is it 7 already!?” You glanced at the microwave clock and cursed it for mocking you. The yogurt you attempted to eat would have to wait until you come back. You threw your bag onto your shoulder and bolted out of the door.

You ran down the few flights of stairs, stopping in front of the complex and holding your cell phone in your hand to search the bus and subway schedule. “Off of Miller and Maine- Departed?!- That’s it, the world has it out for me.”

The subway was too far of a walk and the 7 o'clock bus just left, there is no way you’re gonna get there before 7:45. “Why...” You looked around, about to wave down a taxi when a man in a tapped your shoulder. “Taxi!-”

“Excuse me, Miss?” 

“Yes?” You furrowed your brows, wondering what this older fellow might want that apparently can’t wait. 

“Are you Y/f/n?” You noticed the gentlemen wore a black chauffeur hat and uniform.

“Yes, can I help you, sir?- Wait, how do you know my name?” You gave him a suspicious expression.

“I am your driver for this morning ma’am, Bernard Shelton. Mr. Kim sent a car for you. I knocked on your apartment door but you must not have heard me. He requested that I apologize on is behalf for the short notice.” You looked past him to see a black luxury vehicle with tents that might as well have been a black hole. “Are you ready to go?”

“Um,” You didn’t know if you could trust this guy, despite his convincing attire and professional mannerisms. “I’m sorry but how do I know Mr. Kim sent you? I mean, wouldn’t he have his secretary tell me this?”

“Would you like to contact Ms. Gough for verification? We’re already running late and Mr. Kim has appointments all day after 9 o’clock. We really must be going, ma’am.” You glanced at your watch, it was 7:09, this is your best bet.

“Alright...” With hopes that you weren’t getting kidnapped, you followed him in the car and sat anxiously in the backseat. Your fingers grazed the flawless interior, making you wonder why a car of this prowess came to pick you up. Upon request of the CEO at that.

“We’re here ma’am, with one minute to spare.” He smiled, stopping you in front of the huge skyscraper in the middle of the fine part of the city. 

“Thank you.” You hopped out of the car and made your way inside. The lobby was far more beautiful than the one at your office. There were sparkling light fixtures, expensive paintings gracing to tall walls and you found your self-walking towards the front desk slower than you should have.

“Hello, I have an appointment with Mr. Kim at 7:30.”

The woman looked through her computer and she couldn’t hide the judgments glint in her eye when she looked at you. “Your name?”

“Y/n.” 

She picked up the black corded phone. “Margeret, I have a Y/n here to see Mr. Kim, would you like me to send her up?” A few seconds went by and she nodded. “Alright, I'll send her up.” She put the phone back on the hook. “You can go ahead. Top floor, directly in front of you when you exit the elevator, his secretary is to the right of his office.”

“Thank you.” Quickly, you went to the elevator and took it straight up to the top floor. A light ‘ding’ noise and you were let out on the quiet floor, not a single soul making a sound on the pristine floor.

“Excuse me,” You walked up to the desk that said ‘Margeret Gough.’ “Ms. Gough?”

“You’re here.” She had a kind smile. “He’s waiting for you, he just got off of his first-morning call. One moment,” She pressed a red button on the phone hook, “you’re 7:30 is here sir, should I send her in now?” She was talking to Taehyung.

“Yes, you can send her in.” 

Your courage started to falter when you heard his voice, now you were really, really nervous. But now is not the time to be timid—you have to hold your head high and walk in there with confidence.

“Okay, sir.” A beep signaled that he turned off the phone. “Go on ahead.” She gestured to the door, a kind simper beckoning you to go in. “No need to be nervous, Mr. Kim is in a very good mood this morning.” She giggled, a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“Just breathe...” You mumbled, slowly pushing open one of the two tall double doors at the end of the hall. 

Your eyes met him instantly as he stood in front of the window the covered the entire wall. The view was ridiculous.

His eyes widened upon your entrance. “Good morning.” He smiled a bit, one hand on a coffee mug while the other rested in his pocket. The dainty necklace with a tiny diamond on the end of it brought his attention to the v neck of your camel-colored blouse. 

“Good morning, Mr. Kim.” You brought a had to the side of your neck briefly and that small movement prompted his eyes to find the soft indent of your collarbones.

He cleared his throat. “I apologize for this being so short notice, I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience for you.” By the time he walked over to the gesture that you sit, you had already made yourself comfortable in the small leather chair in front of his desk. 

“Don’t worry about it. Thank you for sending the car, by the way, you really didn’t have to do that.” It was a kind gesture but you didn’t feel it was necessary.

“No, it was the least I could do. Last night, I remembered I had these meetings to do and I couldn’t help but want to do one with you since we talked last night.” He sipped his coffee. “So, I asked Margeret to contact you.” He swiveled his chair a bit. “I guess we should get right into it then, yeah?”

“What is it, exactly?”

“Just reviewing company regulations, how you think your locations management is, things like that...” He laid a sheet of paper with a bunch of questions and long black lines, right in front of you. “Would you fill that out? It’s like a survey, a business owner seminar suggested I get to know the business and this was one way to do it.”

“Alright...” You did what you had to do, writing simple answers to questions like, ‘how does your management treat you? Do you feel like an important part of the team?’ Important? Eh, sure, you thought, trying to compile meaningful sentences. After five minutes or so, you were on the very last question and before your pen touched the paper, you froze. “D-did you say something?” 

The confusion on his face probably meant no. “No.” 

“Oh, sorry, I thought I heard something...” You bashfully went back to the paper, quickly scribbling down an answer before setting the pen back in the pen holder. “I’m done.”

“Great. So, how did you feel about the survey? Margeret made the questions with her assistant, she said this would be a good way to see how the employees feel about the company. It wasn’t too boring I hope.”

“It was fine,” It was a generic survey. 

“Let me ask you, do you feel like a valued employee?” The question was pretty simple, but you found yourself scrambling for a response that clearly expressed how you felt.

“Valued? Um...” This was going to sound pessimistic but oh well. “Well, if I quit today and someone gets hired to take my job tomorrow, does that change your profits in any way?” He assumed it was a rhetorical question. “No, I don’t think it does. So how important could I be to you? Sure, I think I’m valued but I see it this way, there’s a job that needs to be done and I’m just the person who does it, no one too special...” He had never heard such an unenthusiastic statement from an employee before, he always viewed his father's company as one big family but based on what you were saying, it wasn’t as family-oriented as he believed. 

“I’m sorry, that sounds kind of negative, doesn’t it?” His silence made you realize that what you said was probably the last thing a boss wanted to hear. “I don’t hate my job, I just don’t see the point in fabricating anything, Mr. Kim. Your company is great and all, but for me, it’s just a job that helps support me...”

“Well,” Your eyes followed him as he walked to the cute little coffee maker to fill up his mug again, “is there anything I can do to make your job more enjoyable? I don’t want you to feel like you’re a machine in a factory, you are an important member of this company. I mean that.” 

“Look,” You sighed, standing up from your chair to walk near the window, taking this opportunity to appreciate the cities beauty from a bird's eye view, “I chose to work for you because it’s a reputable company and your cameras are nice.” When you glanced at him, he saw your real smile for the first time, your teeth showing and everything. Sadly, you shielded it from his sight as he approached you. “If it’s worth anything, I think you’re doing a good job with this whole CEO thing, in my professional opinion at least.” You smiled, he deserved some type of praise for reaching out to his people like this.

“Thank you, that means a lot.” The urge to walk up to you and tangle his finger in the stray strand of hair in your ponytail but he resisted. “You know, because of you, we discontinued Model 0XHS-5D.”

He was standing beside you now. “Really?”

“Yes, and it has impacted sales positively. We cut off the manufacture and it shows in the stock market, all because of you Y/n.” 

“Oh, that’s good, I’m glad I could be of some assistance...” When you sensed him trying to stand a bit too close for comfort, you walked back to your seat. The lack of sleep was kicking in because you found yourself leaning against the side of the chair with your forearm—and the coffee in his hand smelled like heaven. He followed you, taking his previous position in his chair.

“I like the idea of...I don’t know, talking to someone I already know, it’s refreshing.” 

“With all due respect sir, you don’t really know me.” The coo in your voice wasn’t intentional but you were just being honest. “Sure, we talked at the party and last night, but other than that...We’re strangers.” You trailed off, not really sure how you were supposed to end that statement.

“Y/n.” He breathed, thinking he may as well just outright say it—it would happen eventually. “Would you join me for lunch? My lunch appointment canceled before you came, so I have a reservation that I don’t have to cancel if you join me.” 

Lunch? That was the last thing you were expecting to hear this morning. His eyes seemed to latch onto you and refuse to let you go until you answered his question.

“L-lunch? I appreciate the offer but...” You swallowed, for a split second, you considered taking him up on the offer but you quickly dismissed the preposterous idea. I can’t do that, he’s my boss. “But I can’t, I have to get back to work, it’s already past 8 and I- I don’t think that’s the best idea given I kinda work for you...” 

“Work’s not a problem, I gave all survey participants the day off anyway. A 12:30 lunch is more than appropriate for our relationship I think...” Eager, that’s what he probably looked like, but the desperation to get near you was hard to ignore. That same way you looked on the terrace at the party, you still looked that way and he couldn’t just disregard it. 

You locked eyes with him—tempting, very much so, but no. Absolutely not.

“I’m sorry,” You stood to your feet and he followed suit, standing much taller than you, especially without your trusty high heels on. “but I can’t.” 

Any hopes of a day accompanied by you came crashing down as you politely rejected him. The only person he wanted to dine with at that restaurant didn’t want anything to do with him. The way you nibbled on your bottom lip implied that you were starting to feel uncomfortable. He took a small step back, you were dying to get out of here and he was perplexed onto why.

A beep interrupted you, it was Margeret.

“Your 8:30 is here, should I send them in?”

He was quiet, still peering at you as if it would change your final answer. Sadly for him, it did nothing for his cause...

He pressed the button on the phone base. “Give me one moment.”

“Well, I guess I’ll be going now-” You tried to gather your purse and get out of dodge but he stopped you.

“No wait, take this.” He grabbed a business card and wrote a string of numbers and words on it. “This is my personal cell.” He handed it to you. “With this number, I’m Taehyung, not Mr. Kim. So, if you feel more comfortable going to lunch with him,” He smiled halfheartedly. “he’ll be there.”

“Alright...” You tucked it into your purse and bowed respectfully before turning your back to leave.

“Do you like jazz or classical music?”

You paused, you weren’t expecting such a question. “Um, I enjoy both. Why?” 

There was an itch at the back of his neck and he satisfied the nuisance with the tip of his index finger. “I thought maybe that was why we ended up at that cafe last night, a common interest.” 

“Yeah, maybe...” You mumbled, turning around to continue your path out the door.

Meeting with Taehyung wasn’t so bad after all, you scored a day off. You took it upon yourself to get a few things done and spend a little time with one of your only friends. He was being currently studying medicine, technology, science - things like that. He offered to come to your favorite cafe to study with you and a few minutes ago, his lab partner joined you two. The bug seemed to have gotten to them too...

The cafe had the news on in the background and they were playing the same news bit from last night which led Hoseok to strike up a conversation with the lab girl he’s always with.

“What do you think about the 1989 Project? Does your supervising physician ever talk about it? Especially since the media won’t shut up about it.” Hoseok, your good friend for a few years now met you at the cafe so you could catch up on your language studies. 

“She’s mentioned it a few times but I try not to ask about it.” Wendy decided to join you two as well, she and Hoseok were going to school for the same thing so they often studied together.

“What do you think about it Y/n?” Hoseok looked to you. Given you were really into that whole medical and technology thing, you wondered why he had to ask.

“Um,”  You took out one earbud, “I don’t know, it’s interesting I guess.” Assuming he was going to continue talking, you kept the earbud out. 

“I used to think that the Zoe Hawn case was always so freaky, it’s one of the reasons I’m studying at the SRMA Facility, I want to be a part of something that’ll do some good. Crossbreeds, crosses, hybrids- Whatever they're called, I know for a fact that there are experiments still at the laboratory.”

Wendy crooked a brow. “How would you know that?”

“I’m an intern at the facility, I listen in on the scientists and doctors sometimes. There’s a floor that you have to have level five clearance to be on and I’ve peeked in a few times.” You remembered you had a medical and scientific savvy best friends who would never drop the conversation.

Wendy chimed in. “Yeah, I’ve never seen the patients in there, they say some of them look like everyday people, others -- not so much. I wonder if there are even patients in there, it might just be something else.” 

“Interesting...” It had been some time since you left Taehyungs office and you rubbed the business card between your fingers, staring down at the numbers and restaurant name. “Pain Grillé...” You whispered the name to yourself, you had seen that place before, your co-workers often mentioned the fancy place—maybe going wouldn’t be so bad...

“What was that?” Wendy tilted her head, her honey blonde hair shifting on her shoulders.

“Oh, nothing...” Nothing you wanted to discuss with them.

Hoseok smirked. “What’s that in your hand? You’ve been staring at it every few minutes now, is it a love note from an admirer or something?” He teases, the blush on your cheeks and the knitting of your brows only made your reaction all the more amusing

“No, dummy.” You kicked his foot. “It’s not a love note. I was asked to lunch and the name of the restaurant is on this card.”

“So, why are you here?”

“Because I’m not going.” That card was dropped back into your purse, you regretted taking it out in the first place.

“Why not? Lunch at Pain Grille sounds great -- and expensive.” He wondered, what special person wanted to take you there?

“I just rather not, that’s all.” It’s time for a subject change, “I have to go, I’m dog walking all evening so...” You grabbed your notebook and put the rest of your things in your tote. “Bye guys.”

Mr. and Mrs. Lafonso asked you to walk and feed their Pomeranian while they’re out and that’s what you were doing. Dog walking on the side is way underrated, it was what you did when you first moved out here to earn some extra cash. It was sort of a depressing time in your life, you lived in a tiny hotel and worked in a diner until you could save enough to find your own place. Living on your own wasn’t easy at first—a young 18-year-old that was struggling to get by in the big city with a few hundred dollars or so and a heavy suitcase. You got offers from guys to be their sugar-babies and if you were honest, you considered it a few times, the check from your part-time jobs looked like chump change in comparison to the money those guys were offering you. You didn’t have much but you had dignity and morality, no amount of money could take that away. And that’s what kept you going, you knew you could to make it and you did, all by yourself.

“Ugh...” It was beginning to drizzle and you were about to walk down to get to the subway station but you stopped, Pain Grillé. Kim Taehyung could be seen through the window, sitting at the table alone as the swoon waiter brought him a glass of wine.

The grumble of your stomach indicated that it was a marvelous idea—darn your appetite. You turned around and strolled across the street to get to the restaurant, your actually about to do this. When you walked inside, the lump in your throat was stopping you from speaking to the hostess at the desk.

“Good afternoon ma’am, can I help you?” She was a sweet lady, beckoning you to come to her.

“Oh,” Clearing your throat, you smiled, “I’m meeting Kim Tae-”

“Oh, you’re her!” She sounded a bit flustered like she knew you were coming but forgot. “I’m so sorry ma’am, I’ll get you seated, right this way.” She grabbed a menu and urged you to follow.

Her? 

“Mr. Kim said he was expecting a special guest, he told me to make sure I bring you over myself. I’m the owner, Audrey. He loves this place, comes here for all of his special lunch appointments.” Her jaw-length bob bounced as she walked you through the busy restaurant. When he looked up from his phone and saw you, one would think you two were pretty close because of his childishly wide smile. I knew she would come... 

“Here you are! Your waiter will be over shortly. Enjoy!” With that, she was gone, and you both stood there.

“You came...” He beamed, still in awe that you took him up on his offer. You were about to speak as you reached to pull out your chair. “Yeah, I-”

“Wait, let me get that for you.” He rushed to the chair to pull it out for you.

“Thank you...” You shuffled the chair forward, now you were a few inches away from the pristine white tablecloth. 

“No, thank you for joining me, for a moment there I thought you wouldn’t show up.” He took his wine glass, sipping it briefly. Unbeknownst to him, it was sheer coincidence that led you here.

“Oh? Well, here I am...” You scanned the menu slightly as you glanced up at him. 

You don’t mind a little wine with your lunch, do you? They have wines that pair beautifully with every meal, I’ve tried the whole menu. I went with a Muscadet today, easy-drinking in my opinion.” He would have a knowledgeable understanding of wines, why wouldn’t he? 

“I don’t mind, I enjoy a glass every so often.” Maybe a few times a month -- week.

The corner of his lips “So-”

“Good afternoon ma’am, can I get you started with something to drink?” The waiter asked and Taehyung glanced at him with an impatient glint, he was interrupting something.

“I’ll have a Mascoto please.” You thanked the waiter as he went off to get your sweet bubbly beverage. Day-drinking—I guess, when in Rome do as the Romans, you thought to yourself.

“Good choice.” He bit his lip, his tongue peeking out to run over his lips in a tantalizing way. Out of habit, he tapped his fingers on the table. “I admit that I’m probably coming on a bit strong, yeah?” You nodded. “I don’t mean to come after you, I genuinely just want to get to know you...”

He’s still on that. “Sir-”

“Taehyung...” He reminded you. “Call me Taehyung, please.” That smirk—God, why is he smirking at me like that?

“Taehyung,” You emphasized the call of his name, “I’m flattered but I’m no different from anybody else...” Thank goodness the waiter brought your wine to you, you needed it right about now. “I’m sure there are plenty of women who have extravagant lives they can tell you about over lunch, why me?” You scoffed bitterly. “It doesn’t add up to me-”

“I don’t want to know just any of those women, I want to know you.” He countered. “That whole ‘there’s nothing to know about me’ act, I just don’t believe it, everybody has a story.” 

“I don’t.”

“Has anyone ever told you that you almost look believable when you lie?”

You choked mid-sip. “Excuse me?-”

“Are you two ready to order?”

He was starting to spite this waiter. “Uh, yes, I’ll have my usual, what about you, love?” He was looking at you.

Still taken aback by his statement, you ordered. “I’ll have the chicken marsala with a side salad, please.” He nodded, taking the menus away to leave you two alone. You glared at him. “Lie? What makes you think-” He cut you off.

“If you don’t mind me asking, are you close with your family?” That was a personal question that you weren’t expecting to have to answer today. 

“You expect me to answer your questions after you called me a liar?” You scoffed. “I don’t think so...” 

He sighed, not breaking eye contact in the slightest as he sipped his wine. “Is there anyone, anyone at all, a mother, sister, friend, anyone you’re really close with? Anyone you can share your heart with, talk about difficult things with. You seem like the loner type...”

“It doesn’t matter.” You quipped rather defensively. “I don’t really need anyone to talk to, I’m doing fine on my own. As far as my family goes, well, I’m not a representation of my family, I’m just me...”

“So you’re not close to your parents?” He tilted his head curiously. You gazed down at your silver fork, solemnly—you never talk about stuff like this. 

“No...” You uttered lowly, not liking where he was going with the invasive questions. “They died when I was a newborn, I was adopted by my uncles family...” 

“Oh...” He felt bad for asking now. “I’m sorry to hear that,” You flinched, he cupped the top of your hand with his own large one, a softness in his eyes, “I’m sure growing up was hard for you, yeah?...” 

“I mean, you could say that...” Oddly, you let him keep his hand on your own but it didn’t last long. “Can we drop this subject, please? I really don’t like talking about it.” You slid your hand back, an awkward grin showing your discomfort.

“Of course, sorry,” He sounded flustered, “I didn’t mean to pry.” The waiter had come back and sat the food in front of you two, you both thanked him. It smelled divine and Taehyung had already dug into his meal. You stabbed the nicely sliced tomato, sticking it in your mouth slowly as you eyed him intently.

“Y’know...” He began.

You forgot that people actually talk to one another when they go out to eat, it’s been so long it seemed weird. You were just about ready to tape his mouth shut because of all of these questions weren’t allowing you to eat. The chicken on your fork would have to wait. “What?”

“I know this may be a little awkward since I’m your boss and all, but we’re both adults.” Awkward? That was an oversimplification. 

He lowered his voice. “This morning, when you said you heard something,” He bit his lip, “I whispered something to myself...I said it so low, I could barely hear myself say it, but you did.” His gaze focused on you intensely. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it, how could you have heard something that was as quiet as a thought?” 

Fear. A blanket of utter terror wrapped around you as you struggled to gulp the lump in your throat. “I- I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You choked, hands beginning to tremble when you pushed them in your lap.

“Are you sure? Because I think you do.” He was starting to rub you the wrong way.

You are eating lunch in a restaurant with a man that you work for and he sees no problem with it. Not only that, but you saw a few employees from the Heights office and they wouldn’t stop staring and whispering when they saw you. Free lunch at the expense of your antisocial way of life. Those workers knew your face now, what if this went bad? It would look bad on a new boss was seen with a lower level employee like you, what would they think? This is why you didn’t want to do this, this was a bad idea. Thoughts raced through your mind but the only one that you could grasp was the thought of him knowing—you wanted to throw up.

“Are you okay? Your face is flushed.” His eyes widened in concern.

“I- I’m fine, it’s just a little hot in here.” You fanned yourself lightly, reaching for the glass of wine and finishing it off but still feeling parched. Suddenly, a dull ache throbbed in your temples and your brows furrowed in discomfort.

“Excuse me,” he stopped a waiter, “can you bring me a glass of water please?”

“No, no, thank you for everything but I really have to go.” You were pushing yourself away from the table and in a matter of seconds, you were making your way through the restaurant and flying out the door. When you walked out of that place you felt like you could breathe. The gears were turning in your head, anxiety began to eat away at your bones and you couldn’t contain it anymore. Panting, you stood in the busy street, trying to gather yourself. You shook your head, your ears aching as if someone had set a firework off right next to you. Eager to get home, you got on the subway and held on to the safety bar. You felt hot, it as if everything was burning inside you. It scared you to death, people would try to get close, ask too many questions—

 it made you sick to your stomach.

Home, that was your goal. When you got off the subway, you made your dog walking stops. Starting from the farthest apartment complex to your own. A pit bull, two chihuahua’s and a brown lab, it took about 2 hours. The Lafonso’s canceled last minute so you were thankful because nature decided that you deserved to suffer this evening. The rain was relentless. It was pouring down, your clothes were drenched, sticking to you in the worst way as you walked down the street, desperate to get home. No one offered to walk you under their umbrella, not that you would accept the offer anyway. A nice hot shower was all you wanted.

“Huh...” You sigh, dragging your soaked frame up the stairs. You closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath. You dug into your pocket to take out you’re house key. “Where is that thing?-...”

Notice from the city — Sorry we missed you!

We missed you! You were not available when we came to introduce the new monthly policy. The SRMA monthly routine check on all citizens born between 1992 - 1998 who may have failed to submit their medical records or whose records may need verifying. Do not be alarmed, as a government, we want to ensure the health and safety of our people through all necessary methods. If you have any questions, contact us at 747-”

B.S.—You rip the bright orange paper off the door, crumbling it up into a ball, and throw it in the trash bin as you entered your home. It’s disgusting. The government has their sneaky ways of getting what they want, one way or another. Just as you do every night, you flipped the light switch to get some light in your dark little living room. You flicked it twice but there was no light—just your luck. The light bulbs are out. You toss your purse on the couch to go search for some extra light bulbs. 

For some reason the light bulbs refused to be found, you checked under the kitchen sink, then the supply closet—I know I bought some. 

“There we go.” On the very top shelf, the new pack of bulbs sat in the far corner. You had no clue why you put it there but you reached up on your tippy-toes and grabbed the pack.

Sighing, you untwisted the dead bulb from under lampshade and sat it on the coffee table. As you were about to screw in the new bulb, suddenly, you heard low footsteps in the hall and you tensed as the unknown person passed your door.

You absentmindedly screwed in the bulb. “Who in the- Agh!” A sharp burst of glass and light happened in your hands and scared the life out of you. The light bulb previously in your hand now exploded, the shards of glass missing your finger so by less than an inch. 

You rush to your kitchen to get a broom and dustpan. “Cheap bulbs, what can you expect...” You cleared your throat, shuffling over to clean up the mess. When you glanced at your buzzing cellphone, you had easily predicted who it was on the other end.  You picked it up and held it between your shoulder and ear. “Hi, Hoseok.”

“Hey, I was just calling to check on you. I saw you weren’t answering your texts so I got worried.” 

Always so concerned for you, you were lucky to have at least one friend like him.

“Oh, I was really busy today, I didn’t even see your texts. Sorry about that.” You walked into the kitchen as Hoseok explained that he was just making sure you got home safely. He was also pretty curious about who went to lunch with today, you wouldn’t say. “Don’t worry about it Hoseok, it was just lunch and it’s not happening again. Now, I wish I didn’t have to run but I got caught in the rain and I need a shower-”

Footsteps. You heard footsteps in the hall again, and this time, they stopped right in front of your door.

“Y/n?”

“Wait one second...” You whispered, trying to stealthily tiptoe to the door but there was a knock. This time, you were sure it was probably Jan, it had to be...

“Hello?” 

No, that’s a man's voice. 

“Anyone home?”

Just as you were about to peek through the peep-hole, a paper began to slip through the crack of the door and fall to the floor in front of you. The person had quickly walked away after that and you bent down to inspect the paper. 

“Y/n, is everything okay?” 

You forgot Hoseok was still on the phone.

“Yeah...I’m good. Hey, I’ll talk to you later, okay?” 

“Okay, goodnight.”

“Night...” You hung up the phone, staring down at the paper.

You have failed to submit your birth records to the SRMA for the 4th year in a row. 5 years with unsubmitted records is considered a felony as of 2 months ago. You have one year to submit your records before you are put under high suspicion of the state. At the bottom of the paper, a printed signature was signed. Ordered by Senator Nelson Green.

“Ugh, not again...” You were about to crumble up the paper, but you paused. You don’t even know if your birth certificate is legitimate. You were adopted and for all you knew, your parents had altered the thing, it’s unlikely, but it’s still a possibility. You had never turned them in for the mere fact that it wasn’t against the law, it was just a strong and annoying suggestion. Until now.

“I’ve never met anyone like her before and I don’t want to let her slip through my fingers...” He was at his penthouse and his best friend, Jimin, was day house-sitting for him. Taehyung sat on the couch with his matching pajama set on and pillow snug in his grasp as the television served to fill in the silence gap.

“She must be gorgeous for you to be this messed up about her.” Jimin sat on the recliner with a bowl of ramen. 

“I went to lunch with her today.”

“Oh? So you’ve already gone on a date?”

“Not exactly, my lunch appointment canceled so I asked her if she wanted to join me. She came but I really don’t think she wanted to be there. It may have to do with the fact that I’m kind of her boss...”

“She works for you?!” Jimin couldn’t hide his shock.

Taehyung sighs. “Don’t sound so surprised, she works in the customer service department downtown.” 

“Woah, what does your dad think about you getting involved with an employee?”

“Who said anything about getting involved? I don’t think she likes me all that much, she’s kind of a closed book, doesn’t like to talk much. I just asked her to lunch, nothing more nothing less.” He knew it was far much more than that.

“But you want this to turn into something more, don’t you?” Jimin knew the answer. And so did Taehyung. But the thought of verbalizing his want for you made it less real, less tangible.

“Yes- No, I don’t know, I just want to get to know her, that’s all.” Taehyung laid on the arm of the couch, lost in his thoughts. There was no denying that you were hiding something from him, he knew that for a fact. But getting you to open up and be comfortable with him seemed to be the hardest part of all. Why was he so drawn to you? And why did you hide that you felt the same?

A few days later.

It’s a few days since your meeting with Taehyung and you were back to your normal life. Unfortunately, the news that you had gone out with the CEO for lunch was the subject of conversation for the cubicles not too far from you. None of them have dared to ask you about it, for reason that you weren’t quite sure of. You just knew that the only way you were going to get those girls to stop gossiping was to ignore them completely. 

You had quite a few calls this morning, no more than usual on a busy day but they came in back to back. Most of them were calling in regards to the new camera that just came out. Some were complaints, others were genuinely curious questions. Your supervisor came out of his office and you watched him survey the room until his eyes landed on you. 

“Y/n, come to my office please.” He walks back to his office, urging you to follow.

You swallowed, putting the phone back on the hook and walking to his office. Honestly, you couldn’t imagine what he wanted.

“Yes?”

“You’ve been doing a great job, so don’t think I called you in here because you’re in trouble.” Those words soothed your weary expression. “I was asked by Mr. Kim, to give you this envelope this morning.” He reached into his desk to pull out a white envelope. “Here you go.”

“Oh, thank you.” You took the envelope and walked back to your cubicle. In the solitude of your little space, you opened up the envelope. 

__, You’re probably wondering why I didn’t just call or text you. I wanted to know if you could meet me at the club we talked at the other night, I have something really important to talk to you about, please come.

Love, Kim Taehyung.

“Huh...”

“What’s that?” Your coworker in the cubicle across from you noticed the envelope in your hands.

“Oh, nothing, just some notice from HQ or something...” You opened up your desk and shoved it in your drawer. She didn’t look too convinced but she left the subject alone for the most part. 

You laid on your bed, pen in your hand, notebook in your lap, and earbuds snug in your ears. Excessive studying had begun to bore you. You decided to set the book down and scroll through your phone absentmindedly.

I had a great time Suzette

You froze, eyes widening in suspicion. You sat up, seeing if someone had opened your room door or something. Where did that come from? It sounded oddly like her uncle's voice. 

The kids are home, my mom and niece are taking care of them, but my wife doesn’t get off until 7 today

You were sure that was him now. You weren’t sure where it was coming from especially since you had your music on full blast. But when you took the earphones, you could hear the conversation amplified. Quietly, you sneaked up to your window on your hands and knees, pushing hair away from your face. To your distaste, you saw your uncle, leaning into the window of some woman's car—for your aunt's sake, you hoped that woman was just a friend.

I’ll see you on Friday, bring your swimsuit

He kissed her cheek—ok so they’re definitely more than friends. To ensure that he didn’t see you, you scurried away from the window and ran downstairs to help your grandma with dinner. After you washed up, you began to cut the vegetables for the salad as Daisy, the toddler of the bunch, played in the living room with her older brother.

“Hey guys, I’m home.” 

The little kids, all 4 of them ran up to greet their dad, you merely waved. Little did they know, their daddy wasn’t the superhero of a man he portrayed himself to be. 

“Food smells good mom.” He walked into the kitchen to search the fridge for something to drink as he always did.

“Thanks, son, it’s your favorite, stewed chicken and rice.” She smiled as he pecked her cheek. Now it was time to greet the only teenager in the house.

“How was school, __?” 

“It was school, nothing special.” You mumbled, cutting the tomato with one of your earbuds still in.

“Oh, well, just so you all know, I have to go out of town on-”

“Friday?” You suddenly blurted out, earning you an odd look from him.

“Yeah, how did you know?” He furrowed his brow in suspicion.

Save yourself Y/n. “Um, just a guess.” He looked like he thought nothing of it and went back to the conversation. It took everything in you not to say what you saw, what you heard. It burned at the tip of your tongue.

After dinner.

You stood in front of the sink, washing dishes like you always did after dinner. Even though you all had a dishwasher, grandma always insisted that you wash them by hand. It was annoying but you did it.

“Hey, your aunt wanted to know if you’ll take Josie to elementary school tomorrow, she’s gotta go in early.” Uncle walked into the kitchen, a bowl of cereal in hand.

“Sure, I guess I’ll skip class.” You muttered, a hint of sarcasm in your voice.

“Well, you shouldn’t skip class-”

“It’s not a big deal, I was gonna skip anyway.” You cut him off. You two had always had this tense relationship. He would say something, you’d saying something back, he’d get offended, the usual argument followed suit. You remember his rage when he saw you got a nose piercing, it was fake and so you felt no need not to wear it. It’s your nose after all.

“Oh.” He stood there for a little while, reading over some bills and such.

“So, you’re going out of town...” You thought you’d be the one to bring it up.

“Yep.”

“Somewhere sunny, I’m guessing?”

You furrowed his brows, wondering why you’d say that. “Um, sure, I guess.” 

“Why don’t you bring your wife with you? She hasn’t had a vacation in a while.”

“Because it’s work.”

“Or is it because Suzette will be there?” You had stopped washing dishes now.

“Suzette?” His brows knitted further. “How do you know Suzette? I’ve never mentioned her before.” Now he was suspicious.

You sighed, biting your lip anxiously. “You’re making a mistake, ok. You have a wife and kids, your family is worth more than some lady.” 

“__, are you hearing yourself? Suzette is a co-worker and we happen to work in the same city this weekend.”

“And you guys plan to do some fucking swimming while you’re there?” You spat, raising your voice a bit through clenched teeth. “Yeah, that sounds like tiresome, boring work.” 

He tensed—there is no way you should have heard him, that wasn’t possible

“You need to think before you speak __, you could get yourself in a lot of trouble. How the hell did you even hear that? Did you wire my bag or something? Where are you getting all of this?-”

“Look, I know what I heard.” You stormed away, trying to get away from him but he grabbed your wrist. “What.” You hissed.

“What are you up to, little girl? Do you think this is funny or something? You storm around me like some ungrateful bitch and I put up with it since the day you got here. I won’t be disrespected in my own home.”

“Let go of my arm.” You tried to pull away but he was relentless.

He gripped you harder. “I’m only gonna say this once, stay out of my business __, I mean it.”

The threat only made you spite him more. You felt anger and fear begin to bubble in your chest as he eyed you like a hawk. How dare he even insinuate that you were ridiculous when you saw with your own eyes what he was doing. You stared at him with a blank expression, your knuckles turning white as you clenched your fists impossibly tight. “L-let go.”

“Did you hear what I just-” He paused. A white heat began to incase his entire body, his hands trembled as a high-pitched ringing started to torture his senses, he stepped back. “What the hell?”

You got away and ran upstairs.

“__! I’m not done talking to you young lady-”

“Leave me alone!” 

You gritted your teeth, trying to conceal your voice. You closed your door, locking it and jumping to lay on your bed. It was hard not to hate his guts sometimes, he was so annoying sometimes. You wondered what your real dad would have been like...

You heard a knock on the door but you willed yourself to ignore the sounds.

The door creaked as he opened it. “Hi, can I help you?”

“Hello there, I know it’s late but my name is agent Susan Black, I’m with the Scientific Research and Medical Advancements recovery efforts. I’m here to get records for the people living in your home for safety, it’s protocol. We’ve been made aware that you’ve been avoiding our calls and emails for you to turn in all the residents of this home's birth records.” She smiled, he knew this would catch up with him. “You’re making us really suspicious Mr. Kang.”

He scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully. “I’ll make sure that happens in the next week, but now isn’t the best time.” 

“Oh, you don’t have to do it now sir, just before the end of the year. Goodnight sir- Oh, and don't forget, it’s for the safety of society.”

“Dr. Kim, what do you think about The 1989 Project, I know you used to work here back then?” 

One of the resident doctors stopped by Dr. Kim’s office to hand off some papers. “I know a lot of the rumors are true, and that even you worked with Zoe Akasma Hawn to get her back to health.”

The older man sighed, thinking of the horrible state of that girl. “I don’t have a lot to say about it.” 

“Oh, come on Doctor, I know you must think something of it.” He pried.

“I just hope the surviving participants get the help that they need, that’s all.” His answer is wholesome, not one you can really argue.

“You can’t possibly think that those experiments have a chance of molding into society, do you?”

“You never know.” That’s all he had to say before resuming his papers. His phone rang suddenly.

“Hello?”

“Hey dad, I can’t come by this evening, I have a thing.” Taehyung never missed coming to see his dad, so whatever it was, it must be important. “Sorry.”

“This thing must be important, huh?” He smiled through the phone. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you. Love you, dad.”

“I love you too, son.” 

Taehyung tucked his phone into his pocket and got out of the car, hoping he wouldn’t be waiting here all night. It was sunset, he entered the club and found a seat near the band and waited, anxiously. The tingling in his chest reminded him how nervous he was, what if you decided not to show up? That wouldn’t be a surprise given the feelings you have towards him—if you could call those feelings. When you ran out of the restaurant the other day, he had never felt so out of place in his life. He did put you on the spot when he asked about your family and you did not react well. But in his defense, he didn’t know it was a touchy subject. 

“Can I get you anything?” A young waitress, who looked rather swoon by his appearance walked up to him. 

“Not now, I’m waiting for someone.” Her expression saddened when she connected the dots. He wasn’t alone this evening and she could forget about hitting it big with a guy like him.

Thirty minutes turned into an hour, and an hour turned into an hour and a half. He had finally settled for ordering tea and leaving, but then you were walking in through the front door—you were wearing a black t-shirt, sneakers, and jeans. Your hair laid close on your shoulders as your eyes scanned the room for him. Before he could beckon you over, your eyes found him and you were walking towards him. With a breathless huff, you sat in the chair across from him, the air around you immediately took effect on him. His chest started to tingle but he managed to push the excitement down.

“So,” You exhaled, “what’s so important?” Your voice was soft, low, kind despite its cutting edges in tone.

“I...” He scrambled for his reasoning for calling you. “I called the office for you yesterday, but they said you weren’t there.”

“I had a few things I had to take care of, is that why you called me here?...” If that was the reason, you were sure he was taking this interest in you too far. “To see why I wasn’t at work? I asked my manager if it was ok-”

“No, that’s not why. I-...” He tapped absentmindedly on his ceramic cup, attempting to compile a coherent sentence. “Um...”

“Taehyung,” You cut him off, your patience running thin. “I really don’t have all night, I walked here from the subway station 15 minutes from here and I need to get back home...”

“The government contacted the company. They’ve been looking to see if any of my employees are affiliated with Jane Sato or know anything about The 1989 Project. I’ve heard that you’re one of the few people that haven’t been officially cleared by the SRMA recently.” He cleared his throat. “Do you know anything about it?”

“No, not a thing...” You deadpanned, eyes going between your hands and the live band in the background. You were starting to get that feeling again, the same feeling you felt the night you saw him, the icy burn at the tip of your fingers, and the pit of your stomach.

“And honestly, I don’t believe in that stuff. The whole Zoe Hawn case seemed like the government had too much to do with it. Put a feral looking failed experiment on the TV and everyone wants to get tested, it’s a hoax. Those hybrids, experiments- Whatever they're called, they have nothing to do with me. I don’t want to have anything to do with them either.”

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper. “So, does this not look familiar to you?” You reached for it, fingers grazing it lightly before you gradually opened it up. A photo—a photo of a bunch of doctors and scientists, you weren’t sure. Your eyes scanned the individuals in the picture and you frowned.

Your gaze turned cold. “Where did you get this...”

“These are the doctors and scientist involved in the 1989 project, I got it from a physician I know. He thought I should show it to some of my employees. Do any of them look familiar?” He tilted his head, doe eyes too round and distracting for you at the moment.

You gulped. “No.”

He moved to grasp the photo. “I just thought you might’ve-...”

“I don’t know who any of those people are.”

A spark ignited from the tip of your fingers.

When your hands touched, it was as if a white light engulfed his vision and an achingly loud thump reverberated in your ears, you yanked your hand away instantly. There was no denying that you felt something and you didn’t like it. He stared up at you, lips parted in shock as you mirrored his expression but in a rigid manner. Your teeth dug into your bottom lip, probably drawing blood, and for the second time around him, your anxiety decided to devour you from the inside out.

“I-...I’m leaving.” You abruptly pushed away from the table and stormed out of the club, photo in hand.

“Hey! Wait!” He ran behind you, trying not to lose you since you were already halfway down the sidewalk. You retained a steady pace of running but you could tell he was hot on your trail, you could run down to the subway and try to lose him there but you hated getting on the subway at this hour.

You swiftly shoved the photo in your pocket and bolted down the alleyway. For a moment, you paused so you could catch your breath, leaning back against the rough brick walls and letting your eyelids flutter closed. Why is this happening to me and why now? You managed to calm yourself from the constant pound of your heartbeat. When you heard panting, you slowly opened your eyes.

He caged you, his eyes boring into your soul.

Your eyes widened, jumping back to run away but he seized your wrists. “Leave me alone!” 

“Why did you run?!” He seethed, trying to stay calm. “Calm down, shh!” The words leaving his throat like a suppressed cough. You pushed at his chest, trying not to look him in the eye. “Stop trying to run away! Listen to me, please.” It was a firm plea, one you had never heard from anyone before. “If you’d just let me explain-”

You weren’t having it.

“Why won’t you just leave me alone?!” You jerked away, getting away from the wall so you could make a run for it but you felt a sharp pain in your head. You hunched over, clutching your forehead in your hands. “Ah...” You winced, your breathing unsteady and your stance shaky. The throbbing had increased and your vision was beginning to get blurry. 

Taehyung reached out to you, his hand gripping your arms. “Y/n, stop fighting it...”

“Get the hell away from me!-“ You were pulling away, hitting, clawing at his arms and everything to get him to let you go. Despite your resistance, he wrapped his arms around you, his body being so close had made your pulse skyrocket. This was too much, it physically, emotionally, mentally, pained you the more you tried to getaway. 

“Please, don’t fight me-” He tried to speak calmly but it was hard when you insisted on thrashing about. “S-stop fighting me, I’m not gonna hurt you, you can trust me,” His heart sank when he saw that look in your eyes, the look of an innocent creature in pain—you were scared. “We’re the same.”

“N-no, leave me alone,” Your stance wavered and you fell silent, tears building at your eyes. You were on the verge of sobbing. “Just leave me alone, I can’t be around you...”

There was so much energy emanating around you, through your bones. You could feel everything—you could hear everything. The buzz of street lights, bickering old couples on the top floor of this old apartment, honking horns of impatient drivers, a sobbing teen curled up on a cold tile floor. It was as if all living things were coursing through you—a razor-sharp current of light and darkness stabbing you from the inside out. 

The sound of something cracking, the sound so unbearably familiar that he found it difficult to physically control himself. 

“Y/n, don’t fight it...it’s okay...” His hands clung to your lower back and the back of your neck, keeping you anchored against him, your hands still pushing him away. His lips parted, a shaky breath leaving his mouth when you tensed. 

“I know...I feel it too.”

Absolute darkness, dull obscurations ravaged your sight and you fell limp—you blacked out. 

[pkmnjesus]

5 years of the PokémonJesus

Before the night comes to a close, I would like to personally reflect on today’s importance (thus the reason for the Takeover queue). It’s been 5 years since I officially became engaged with this fandom that has really became a weekly routine of mine when new episodes come out. This is really just to put my thoughts out there in the blog archive, so I would prefer if no one reblogs this. P J’s beginnings started all the way back with Serebii Forums...

2013-2014 (The Pokémon forums Era)

I have been lurking in the fandom as early as the Best Wishes days, and often visit sites like Serebii Forums or tumblr’s Pokémon anime tags around 2011. I usually talk Pokémon online when it comes to the games when battling or trading in certain chat rooms (was really active during the Gen. IV era of games), but never really talked about the anime with. I have been a spectator to the discussion while the BW saga was rolling a long, then I decided on September 26th 2013 (which was the airdate for the final BW! episode in Japan) to create a serebiiforums account under the username PokemonJesus123, just in time for the start of the XY series which I was mad hyped about! I WAS A FAN SINCE DAY 1...some y’all just tagged along in XY&Z NO LOYALTY xD . My serebii profile is still there actually, so you can try to find my old inactive page if you want lol (my avatar was me holding up my 3DS in a cringey way...looking back why tf did I take that photo lol delete later). Coming into 2014, I joined tumblr as well under the url name you see right before you. Never changed it, and probably never will. The origin of this name you ask? You’ll just have to ask me personally for that story 😉 I absolutely joined tumblr out of pure boredom to view and follow blogs I was a fan of. I had no intention of posting whatsoever. Oh, and I made a Twitter account under the P J name too! Follow ME :^)

2014-2015 (Thursday LIVE! tumblr era)

After a couple months of finally creating a tumblr account and actively posting on serebiiforums and bulbagarden, XY episode 50 (the episode where big lips Nini/Nene debuted) was the first EVER Pokémon anime episode I ever posted about in my blog. I was still new the #pokeani tag (funny story, I didn’t really knew what it meant back then besides to tag it lol), but I got as much as around 30-100 notes. Seeing those notes already got excited that it pushed me from making it a weekly thing since I had a livestream to watch it every Thursday night and screen-cap it. My goal from the very beginning was to try to be the first one to post about here, like what the Japanese fans do on Twitter under the #Anipoke tag. Of course, most of my notes came from either an AmourShipping post or a Serena post. I’m not going to lie, I was really a huge Serena fan when the series first started. I rambled a lot too getting hyped for Citron/Clemont episodes because he was probably my favorite character at the time xD

2015-2016 (A growing blog)

This was the era I started to do special long posts in celebration with Pokémon’s 20th anniversary. Around this period is where my blog was in a developing state getting like 2 or 3 followers every week. And trust me, there were A LOT of posts that I regret posting, but I learned to watch my words every week and say the right things (I really try not to trigger anyone here). I took a couple of weeks off when new episodes aired since I was really busy with college, or I wasn’t into XY filler episodes that much. Would usually tune in live when Team Flare was involved or anything with Squishy/Puni-chan (I absolutely ADORED Bonnie/Eureka in this arc), but I didn’t post that much on tumblr...unless if there was like an AmourShipping moment that happened xD. The hype for Gen. VII was already looming, and I kinda got bored from the anime A BIT. When Ash-Greninja came into the picture however, I got excited again! Then the Kalos League happened, and the anticipation of Ash’s journey hit a climax! We all know what happened, and the rest was history...

2016-2017 (GIFmaking era)

So the Sun & Moon anime happened late 2016, and the hype for a new series was within me again! This is when my blog REALLY started to boom, as well as the birth of my Pokémon Discord server PokéTōku. My notes were higher than over compared to what I posted from XY. One possible reason is that a lot of pokeani bloggers from back then weren’t really interested in Sun & Moon (probably because of the animation change), so I was one of few who still stayed for the ride and that really benefited my blog’s exposure. I absolutely loved Lillie’s character development, and I also did not expect myself to enjoy Lana/Suiren’s character so much! Brock & Misty’s was a huge highlight for me as well seeing my childhood come to a modern-day Pokémon series. I was surprised to have popular people reblog my stuff that destroys my notifications per second. I was even flattered when popular pokéblogs such as shelgon, corsolanite, chasekip, and a few others followed me. Back then I really wanted to get a lot of notes, but at this point I just wanted to be myself and post screen-caps that I feel like talking about. The series also motivated me to start making GIFs since I finally had access to Adobe Photoshop through my university’s application benefits. Later in 2017, I graduated from college and it gave me more time to improving my blog. Also, can you believe it took me 3 years to get 1,000 followers? If you asked me from day 1, I would have never expected to get that much since I had no idea about tumblr’s audience.

Everyone here knows that my blog doesn’t really follow “traditional” tumblr methods such as tags or making specific posts and what not (since I’m not really that into the tumblr culture lol...I’m just here for fun doing my own thing), but I hope I’ve brought something different to your dash experience 🙃

2017-2018 (Making friends)

From 1,000 to 2,500+ followers the next year. You’d be surprise how small that still is compared to the other popular Pokéblogs that joined tumblr later than me, but I’m still grateful for that number. My hype for movie 20 was crazy! I’d always make a post about it when a new trailer was out. But just like Sun & Moon, not everyone was looking forward to the AU it produced. The Let’s Go games shared the same fate as well since everyone didn’t want another Kanto, but I always defend the things that deserve a chance! I fairly enjoyed movie 20 though, and was the first movie that I posted screen-caps and GIFs for in this blog, even made an experience post about it watching it in the theaters! What’s MOST important to me during this time was actually interacting with some of my followers...or should I say friends now :) Out of the 5 years I’ve been here (not counting serebiiforum peeps I’ve known since 2013), I only recently talked to some of you around 2017. My interactions with people here have been awesome (for the most part at least lol) from sharing interests, geeking out over the anime, sending memes xD and concerns when P J isn’t feeling P J. You know who you are, and THANK YOU for cheering your boy up in times when I needed it despite not telling you about it <3 Going back to PokéAni hype, my next excitement attack was when they announced the Aether Foundation and Ultra Beasts were getting involved in the main story. It really makes up for no Alola movie...but hey we still got 1 year left, so maybe there’s hope?

Despite the brief breaks I took, P J’s activeness in the fandom has reached its highest when I managed the time to do scheduled posts and even started a few mini-blog series this year. Even during stressful times, I always make it an effort to find time and contribute to the fandom. I honestly don’t care if I get any asks because I know who the real homies are ◉‿◉つ A special shoutout as well to all the people that joined my Discord server through this website. I couldn’t have reached 100+ members without some of your blogs ^_^ And to the lurkers out there (I know some of y’all are creepin’ in the shadows of my blog without liking anything), you may not know it but I love you people too ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ)

Anyway this is just a summary of my journey here so far, and if you’d to hear a more in-depth story on some toxic things I’ve experienced in this fandom just message me. I personally don’t like venting out stuff in public because it just promotes more negativity, and I’m not about that. I will make a separate post on my feelings toward the schedule change maybe next week, and an appreciation post (5th tumblr blogaversary) for my specific followers January 2019. I am still preparing for that because there are so many people (even ones I don’t even talk to) I want to thank ❤ Moving forward into my 6th year, I probably won’t make another post like this anytime soon...but I am very hopeful for the future of the SM series and possible Gen. 8 anime late 2019. I also do plan on making some PokéAni-related stuff in my YouTube channel when the time is right, and have the resources to do projects. Keep your eyes out fam 👀LET’S F’N GO!

[themikewheelers]

get to know me tag

Rules: Repost and answer the 20 questions and tag 20 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by: @janes-mike​ tysm !!!

Tagging: im not sure whos been tagged yet but @serendipitous-rambles​ @sstrangerthaneleven​ @finnwolfhards​ @charliesheatcns​ @janeswheeler​ @dustinhendrsn​ @finswolvhard​ and anyone else who wants to do it, just say i tagged u bc im bad at coming up with urls off the top of my head !!

im putting questions under the cut so its not long and annoying for anyone who wants to scroll

Nickname: tori mostly. my family calls me tor. some friends call me vicky (which i absolutely cant stand). plus some other little nicknames which stem from inside jokes and stuff

Height: 5′1-2″

Orientation: bi

Favourite fruit: strawberries !

Favourite season: summer or fall !

Favourite flower: sunflowers and daisies

Favourite scent: kinda weird but i LOVE the smell of chlorine pools sm

Favourite colour: changes like every day but rn im loving yellow

Favourite animal: frogs !!

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: hot chocolate all the way

Average hours of sleep: anywhere from like 4 to 10 tbh, im rlly inconsistent

Cat or dogs?: i love both but i kinda lean towards cats

Favourite fictional character: this is hard bc im def someone who falls in love with stories based on the characters so there’s a LOT i love but trying to limit it to just one or two per thing, some characters from some of my fave shows/movies: el hopper, jim hopper, ben wyatt, alex karev, jake peralta, elle woods, richie tozier, lewis robinson, meredith grey, chandler bing, jim halpert, madeline mackenzie, camille preaker, rosa diaz

Number of blankets you sleep with: i have one rlly big purple quilt ive been sleeping with forever

Dream trip: backpacking through europe with some friends or my sister (my sister travels a lot and she occasionally brings me places with her)

blog created: i made my FIRST tumblr back in 2012 i believe? and then i made my current main blog around 3 years ago? and i dont know the exact date but i believe im approaching the 2 year anniversary of this side blog any day now. i was in the fandom v shortly after the show released but primarily from my main blog and old side blog, then i made this one for solely st stuff in the beginning of september 2016 

# of followers: i dont like to post follower count for a lot of reasons (ppl with less get envious, ppl with more get rude, and i dont like to focus on follower count to begin with and posting it makes me start to obsess) but if this was youtube i could be making a living off this jsdflkajf

Random fact: my favorite drink my whole life has been milk and im currently trying to cut out dairy so that’s smth tiny ive been struggling with lately djksafhl

[patriotsnet]

Do Republicans Or Democrats Give More To Charity

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/do-republicans-or-democrats-give-more-to-charity/

Do Republicans Or Democrats Give More To Charity

The Relationship Between Generosity And Political Affiliation And Gender

Who LIES More- Republicans or Democrats?

Most people tip their hair stylists, while only 27% tip their hotel housekeeper.

+1.63%

Tipping can be a social and cultural maelstrom. And social media doesnt always help.

A National Basketball Association player who has a $30 million contract drew internet ire last week after leaving a $13.97 tip on a $487.13 bill. Andre Roberson of the Oklahoma City Thunder made headlines for the paltry tip, and the strong reaction shows just how emotional the question of tipping can be.

But it wasnt quite as clear-cut as it seemed. Roberson released a statement on Twitter TWTR, +1.63%  saying he was misrepresented, saying he bought one bottle of liquor for $487 at a bar, around five times the retail price and rounded it out to $500. Roberson said he also had a $100 tab on shots for which he left a $200 tip. I thought hed be grateful for the $200 tip, he wrote of the barman who served him.

Meanwhile, some restaurants have banned tipping while Uber is finally encouraging riders to open their wallets to drivers who go the extra mile.

See more:Meet the most generous tipper in America

Some of the findings seemed to play out in real life when three supporters of President Donald Trump left a $450 tip for a Washington, D.C. waitress in January, though they were from Texas, not the relatively more generous northeast.

Dont miss:How much to tip everyone

Also read: Is this the worst tipper in America?

Statistics On Us Generosity

In this section youll find charts and graphs laying out the most important numbers in American philanthropy. They document how much we give, how that has changed over time, what areas we give to, and what mechanisms we use to donate. There are figures here on where charities get their money, how many people offer volunteer labor, the demographic factors that influence generosity , and how various states and cities differ. The top foundations and donor-advised funds are ranked by their giving. We present surprising information on overseas aid, and statistics on how the U.S. compares to other countries when it comes to donating to charity.

Beto Orourke Other Democrats See The Downside Of Releasing Tax Returns

CHARLOTTESVILLE About 24 hours after presidential hopeful Beto ORourke released his tax returns from the past decade, a University of Virginia student asked him why he didnt donate more money to charities.

ORourke, a former congressman from El Paso, and his wife reported in their 2017 tax return that they donated $1,166 which was one-third of 1 percent of their $370,412 of income that year. ORourke told reporters on Wednesday that, over the years, he and his wife have donated thousands of dollars more that they did not itemize because it wasnt important for us to take the deduction. The campaign has yet to provide updated numbers.

Ive served in public office since 2005. I do my best to contribute to the success of my community, of my state and, now, of my country, ORourke said in responding to the student on Tuesday night. Im doing everything that I can right now, spending this time with you not with our kiddos, not back home in El Paso because I want to sacrifice everything to make sure that we meet this moment of truth with everything that weve got.

ORourke is not the only Democratic candidate who has had personal finances questioned at a time when many voters are frustrated by the ever-growing economic divide in the country. One by one, Democratic candidates have released their tax returns something that President Trump has refused to do in an attempt at transparency.

Also Check: How Many Presidents Have The Republicans Tried To Impeach

Charitable Giving By State: Are Republicans More Generous Than Democrats Or Just More Religious

It turns out that the old Bushism about compassionate conservatism may not be a myth after all. In a new analysis of Internal Revenue Service tax records, the Chronicle of Philanthropy on Monday ranked U.S. cities and states by how much money their residents give to charity. The bottom line? People in red states are more generous with their green. 

The study, which compared IRS data from 2012 with data from 2006, showed that the 17 most generous states — as measured by the percentage of their income they donated to charity — voted for Mitt Romney in the last presidential election. The seven states at the bottom of the list, meanwhile, voted for Barack Obama.

Exactly why is a bit of a mystery. Stacy Palmer, editor of the Chronicle of Philanthropy, said the data only showed how much money people gave away, not which types of organizations they gave to. But generally speaking, she said its fair to assume that political ideology aligns to some extent with ideas about charitable giving.

Not to be too simplistic about it, but if you believe that government should take care of basic social services, then youre going to go that way, Palmer told International Business Times. If you think charities should take care of things, and not government, then youre probably going to give more generously to charity.

Got a news tip? . Follow me on Twitter .

Volunteering In The Us

This data comes from detailed time logs that statisticians ask householders to keep. In less strict definitions like phone surveys, more like 45 percent of the U.S. population say they volunteered some time to a charitable cause within the last year.

Current estimates of the dollar value of volunteered time range from $179 billion per year to more than twice that, depending on how you count.Volunteering is closely associated with donating cash as well. One  Harris study showed that Americans who volunteered gave 11 times as much money to charity in a year as those who did not volunteer.

An interesting pattern emerges if one studies giving by income level. As incomes rise, more and more of the people in that bracket make gifts to charity. The sizes of their gifts tend to rise as well. However: if you look at average donations as a fraction of funds available, they tend to level off at around 2-3 percent of income.

Religious faith is a central influence on giving. Religious people are much more likely than the non-religious to donate to charitable causesincluding secular causesand they give much more.

Among Democrats, Independents, and Republicans alike, almost exactly half of the group averaged $100-$999 in annual charitable donations at the time of this 2005 poll. There was virtually no difference among the parties in the size of that moderate-giving group, so those results were not included in the graph to the left.

Also Check: What Did Republicans Gain From The Compromise Of 1877

How Political Ideology Influences Charitable Giving

Many issues seem to divide Democrats and Republicans, and new research has found one more: philanthropy.

Red counties, which are overwhelmingly Republican, tend to report higher charitable contributions than Democratic-dominated blue counties, according to a new study on giving, although giving in blue counties is often bolstered by a combination of charitable donations and higher taxes.

But as red or blue counties become more politically competitive, charitable giving tends to fall.

Theres something about the like-mindedness where perhaps the comfort level rises, said one of the authors of the study, Robert K. Christensen, associate professor at the George W. Romney Institute of Public Service and Ethics at Brigham Young University. They feel safe redistributing their wealth voluntarily. It also matters for compulsory giving.

The study was conducted by four research professors who set out to explore how political differences affect charitable giving. It was published on Oct. 20 in the academic journal Nonprofit and Voluntary Sector Quarterly. The other authors were Laurie E. Paarlberg of Indiana UniversityPurdue University Indianapolis, Rebecca Nesbit of the University of Georgia and Richard M. Clerkin of North Carolina State University.

Dr. Christensen said the team had analyzed more than 3,000 counties, but it did not reveal the county-by-county breakdowns. Its hard to pull those counties out because of the control variables, he said.

Charitable Giving Does Not Match Government Aid

Those in favor of lower taxes have argued that individuals are more capable than the government of allocating money to important causes, including people in need of assistance. But the study found that was not true. Donations do not match government assistance, and without tax money, social services are not funded as robustly.

The evidence shows that private philanthropy cant compensate for the loss of government provision, Dr. Nesbit said. Its not equal. What government can put into these things is so much more than what we see through private philanthropy.

On the other hand, private philanthropy can do many things better than government aid, as in being responsive to a need and willing to fail without political fallout.

The studys authors make the case for a combination approach.

Theyre complementary means of redistribution of wealth rather than substitutions for each other, Dr. Christensen said. We cant put all of our eggs in one basket.

You May Like: Who Are The Republicans On The Ballot

Conservatives Are Happier Than Liberals

Second, a much larger body of research has long demonstrated that, all things being equal, conservatives tend to be happier overall than their liberal neighbors are. This is truer for social conservatives than for fiscal conservatives, and the more conservative a conservative is, the happier he or she seems to be. Thats not nothing.

A massive study published earlier this year, involving five different data samples from 16 Western countries spanning more than four decades, adds more meat to this topic. These scholars from the University of Southern California found, as they put it, In sum, conservatives reported greater meaning in life and greater life satisfaction than liberals.

Of course, both qualities are much deeper and richer than happiness itself. This was the robust and consistent finding in the 16 distinct countries examined. It was generally truer for social conservatives than their fiscal brethren, and the greater-meaning-in-life slope spiked upward among individuals who were very conservative.

These scholars explain in their academic parlance that this was true for conservatives at all reporting periods . This is a significant finding. Conservatives experience greater meaning in life across their lives generally, but also daily and at most given moments throughout the day. The researchers conclude these findings are robust and that there is some unique aspect of political conservativism that provides people with meaning and purpose in life.

Conservatives Are Satisfied With Their Family Lives

Do NFL Teams Give More to Republicans or Democrats?

New research released by the Institute for Family Studies demonstrates that conservatives tend to be much more completely satisfied with their family lives compared to their liberal friends and neighbors. Forty-one percent of both liberals and moderates report being completely satisfied with their family lives, while 52 percent of conservatives do.

Conservatives are also vastly more likely than liberals to believe marriage is essential in creating and maintaining strong families. They are also much more likely to actually be married, 62 versus 39 percent, thus benefiting from all the ways marriage improves overall well-being and contentment, personal happiness, economic security, long-term employment, longevity, better physical and mental health, and more.

These scholars explain that regardless of other basic life characteristics such as family income, marital status, age, educational attainment, race/ethnicity, and church attendance, being a conservative increases the odds of being completely satisfied with family life by 23 percent, a considerable positive impact given the centrality of these other life factors. Married men and women who believe marriage is needed to create strong families have 67 percent greater odds of being completely content with their own family life than married couples who do not believe this.

You May Like: Who Are The 10 Republicans Who Voted For Impeachment

Poorer Conservatives More Generous Than Wealthy Liberals New Study

Respected non-government sector newspaper The Philanthropy Chronicle collated the itemized charity deductions on the tax returns of hundreds of millions of Americans between 2006 and 2012, the latest year available. While only about a third of all givers write off their charity expenses, the sums included about 80 percent of all donations in the country.

The Extreme Views Of The Donor Class

The main finding of the research is that the policy views of elite donors are more extreme than the views of partisan voters at large. They also vary widely by party.

If you look at Republican donors, explains Malhotra, they have much more extreme views than ordinary Republicans on economic issues, such as taxation, the redistribution of wealth, and spending on social programs. For example, a good number of Republican voters want universal health care, but very few Republican donors want that. On the other hand, Republican donors and voters have very similar views on social issues, such as abortion and gay marriage. They are not out of line in that arena.

Malhotra and Broockman found a similar pattern among Democratic donors and partisans, but in a mirror image. Democratic donors are, if anything, a little more liberal on economic issues than Democratic partisans, says Malhotra. But their social views are much more liberal than partisans, especially when you look at issues like the death penalty.

Don’t Miss: Who Won More Democrats Or Republicans

Who Gives More To Charity Democrats Or Republicans

About Patt Morrison

Patt Morrison

The ongoing calls for presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney to issue additional years of his tax returns havent ceased.

Romney has faced criticism for his reasoning that doing so would violate his religious freedom because it would reveal exactly how much money he has tithed to his Mormon church. Democrats continue to press the issue, but should they be so vocal about taking a look at charitable contributions?

According to philanthropy.com, a website that tracks charitable giving state-by-state, Utah tops the list of giving, with residents donating 10.2 percent of their discretionary income to charities. Utah is a solidly red state and went for John McCain 62 percent to 24 percent in 2008 and it has a large Mormon contingent.

Blue state New Hampshire is bringing up the rear with residents of the The Granite State donating only 2.5 percent of their discretionary income to philanthropic organizations. But if you tweak the numbers to remove donations to religious charities the giving evens out some.

Republican Donate More To Charity Than Democrats

8 comments:

Anonymoussaid…

Just this weekend, in an ongoing election year discussion with my sister, I stated my experience is and has been when Democrats see others money or wealth, they want it and/or want to tell them what to do with it… I was also informed that others are not like me. Yours being the very first site I checked regarding this subject, I would like to thank you for the confirmation that this happens elsewhere, just not in my “little” world. Bellyburke

Anonymoussaid…

Thanks, I try to leave informative bits of information that are skipped over in the drive by soundbites and stereotype attacks that are out there. Sorry I have’t posted more lately.To go beyond that, I think that Republicans- particularly religious republicans give a lot more than Democrats because we beleive we have a moral duty to give to charity. Democrats seem to want to government to control the “giving” even though that actually corrupts the ‘charity’ aspects of the gift when you ‘have to do it’ or the IRS will come knocking.

Read Also: Who Controls The Senate Republicans Or Democrats

Giving Under Different Governments

A change in government didnt seem to change peoples donations of money to charities, but there did seem to be an increase in time given to volunteering when the Coalition and Conservative governments were in power.

The exception to this came from the Greens. When Labour were in power from 1997-2010, Green Party supporters gave 182% more of their income to charity than Labour supporters did although this fell to 85% under the Coalition, and fell again when the Conservatives went into government on their own in 2015.

In terms of volunteering, under a Labour government, Green supporters gave no more of their time than did Labour supporters. After 2015, Greens increased their volunteering time by 56%.

Do Your Political Views Make You Charitable

24 Jul, 2019

Professor Sarah Brown,Professor Karl Taylor

A new working paper asks whether people on the left or right give more to charity

Student volunteers at the University of Essex

In 2017, people in the UK gave over £10 billion to charity, and ONS figures suggest that unpaid labour in the form of volunteering is worth over £20 billion.

But what motivates us to give our money or time? Theres existing research which shows that we give in order to feel good, or to look good to others, but we wanted to look at another motivation: our political leanings.

Also Check: Should Republicans Vote In Democratic Primary

Data Sources: Irs Forms 990

The Form 990 is a document that nonprofit organizations file with the IRS annually. We leverage finance and accountability data from it to form Encompass ratings. .

  Impact & Results

This score estimates the actual impact a nonprofit has on the lives of those it serves, and determines whether it is making good use of donor resources to achieve that impact.

Impact & Results Score

Leftist Media And Academia Tell The Public The Opposite

12/29/10 – Stossel, Republicans donate much more than Democrats

Some liberals might argue that religious, conservative republicans are happier simply because they are mentally ill; they are disassociated with reality and just dont know any better. They claim this is even demonstrated in scientific research. In fact, one articles first line in reporting this research was quite blunt: Anyone whos wanted to dismiss Republican politics as straightforwardly mean now has some data to back them up. Lands sakes.

Some research did appear to show this, and it got a great deal of press. Retraction Watch, however, tells us it had some serious mistakes in its calculations, and an erratum was published by the American Journal of Political Science. In fact, Retraction Watch reports, The descriptive and preliminary analyses portion of the manuscript was exactly reversed. The data shows a strong correlation between liberalism and psychoticism, not conservatism. This correction was not widely reported for some curious reason.

Finally, if you had to guess who are more generous with their money and volunteering their time to help those in need, would you guess Democrats or Republicans? Of course, its Democrats. Republicans only care for themselves and their own pocketbook. In fact, dont they want to actually punish the poor for not working hard enough? Well, you would be right if stereotypes were the arbiter of truth. But what does objective research tell us?

Recommended Reading: What News Channel Do Republicans Watch

Percentage Of Us Donations Going Tovarious Causes

Nonprofits have grown faster than government and faster than the business sector over the last generation, even during boom periods.

The figures charted here actually underestimate the fraction of American manpower that goes into charitable workbecause they show only paid employment, while volunteers carry out a large share of the labor poured into these groups. Various calculations of the cash value of donated labor suggest that at least an additional 50 percent of output by charities takes place invisibly because it is produced by volunteers. Youll find more statistics on American volunteering in Graphs 8 and 9.

Charitable activity is becoming a bigger and bigger part of Americas total economy. For perspective, consider that annual U.S. defense spending totals 4.5 percent of GDP. The nonprofit sector surpassed the vaunted military-industrial complex in economic scope way back in 1993.

Real Rise In Us Giving

After adjusting for inflation, charitable giving by Americans was close to seven times as big in 2016 as it was 62 years earlier.

Of course, one reason total giving went up is because the U.S. population almost doubled. But if we recalculate inflation-adjusted charitable giving on a per capita basis, we see that has also soared: by 3½ times. Charitable causes are very lucky to have a remarkably expansive American economy behind them, and a standard of living that refuses to stagnate.

What if we calculate charitable giving as a proportion of all national production ? The math reveals that over the last 60 years, donations as a proportion of our total annual output increasedbut only very slightly. For most of the last lifetime, giving has hovered right around 2 percent of our total national treasure.

Two percent of GDP is a huge sum, particularly in comparison to other countries . But it’s interesting that even as we have become a much wealthier people in the post-WWII era, the fraction we give away hasn’t risen. There seems to be something stubborn about that 2 percent rate.

Keep in mind too that religious charities tend to have less access to supplemental funds than other nonprofits. Hospitals and colleges charge users fees to supplement their donated income; other nonprofits sell goods; many museums charge admission; some charities receive government grants. Churches and religious charities, however, operate mostly on their donated funds depicted in this graph.

Recommended Reading: What Cities Are Run By Republicans

What Elite Donors Want

Big-money donors, both Democrat and Republican, not only have more political influence than the average voter, they also have more extreme beliefs.

The outsize political influence of elite donors, whose views tend to be more extreme than that of mainstream voters, partly explains why political polarization is on the rise. | Illustration by Alvaro Dominguez

In November 2012, newly elected Democratic members of the United States Congress got about a week to savor their victories. Then, the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee advised them to start hitting the phones for 3-4 hours per day. Who were they supposed to be calling? Mainly, elite donors the fewer than 1% of Americans who give candidates more than $200 in any given election cycle.

It isnt news that politicians court elite donors or that elite donors have greater political access and influence than the typical voter. But, as Stanford Graduate School of Business political economist Neil Malhotra points out in an article recently published in Public Opinion Quarterly, we know remarkably little about what they actually want from government.

This is a particularly relevant issue during the current, seemingly endless, election cycle, in which the battle for control of the executive and legislative branches of the federal government is unusually contentious and fraught with implications for the future of the nation.

Do Democrats Hate Charity

Another round of COVID-19 relief from Congress is on life support but not dead, as centrist Democrats have begun to pressure Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi toward compromise. That would mean finding some middle ground between the $3 trillion House HEROES Act, with its bailout for profligate blue-state governments, and the Republican $500 billion skinny bill. If serious negotiations do ensue, there is one provision on which Senate Republicans should not budge: a strong new form of tax relief for individual charitable giving. Its a provision both important in its own right and revealing of a larger philosophical difference between the parties when it comes to charity.

The latest skinny Senate bill would specifically have expanded the so-called above-the-line tax deduction included in the original CARES Act, which authorized a $300 deduction even for those who do not itemize their tax returns. The Senate bill proposed to double that amount for 2020 taxpayers, to $600 for individuals and $1,200 for those filing a joint return. The House bill included no such provision, or even an extension of a less-generous version included in the first COVID-19 relief bill.

The above-the-line deduction proposed by Republicans provides an incentive for all taxpayers, not just the wealthy, to give to charity.  

This piece originally appeared at the Washington Examiner

______________________

Recommended Reading: How Many Republicans Are In The Us House

[ericvick]

What to know this week

Traders are gearing up for a busy week of corporate earnings results from the mega-cap technology stocks this week. This will come alongside a slew of economic data reports and a monetary policy decision from the Federal Reserve. 

The biggest names in the S&P 500 — including Apple (AAPL), Microsoft (MSFT), Amazon (AMZN), Facebook (FB) and Alphabet (GOOGL) — are set to report second-quarter results this week. The reports will add to what has already been an exceptional earnings season: So far, 24% of companies in the S&P 500 have reported second-quarter results, and of these, 88% have topped Wall Street’s earnings per shares estimates, according to an analysis from FactSet. The blended earnings growth rate for the blue-chip index, which includes both companies’ reported growth rates and the estimated rates for the companies have yet to report, stands at 74.2%, which would be the highest since the fourth quarter of 2009. 

Earnings results from technology companies Snap (SNAP) and Twitter (TWTR) last week underscored the strength in the internet advertising market, suggesting a strong backdrop that likely also benefitted bigger ad-driven companies like Facebook and Alphabet. Snap’s second-quarter revenue growth came in at 116%, or the biggest jump in four years, and the stock rocketed to a record high following the results. Both Snap and Twitter grew active users more than expected, and their estimates topping second-quarter revenues suggested better monetization of these increased users. 

According to JPMorgan analyst Doug Anmuth, Snap’s results especially “will likely raise the bar for other ad names,” including Alphabet and Facebook. The companies report results on Tuesday and Wednesday, respectively. 

“GOOGL shares are well-owned, but GOOGL remains one of our Top Ideas in 2021 as we believe: 1) reopening will remain a tailwind for Search and YouTube ads, especially as overall spend continues to shift online and travel continues to recover; 2) overall margins will remain meaningfully above pre-pandemic levels … 3) Cloud growth will remain solid at 40%+ while profit losses continue to improve; and 4) greater capital returns are likely on the heels of the $50 billion incremental buyback authorization last quarter,” Anmuth wrote in a note published July 22. 

Story continues

As for Facebook, “advertising should continue to benefit from reopening and we are encouraged by newer initiatives around Reels and Shops, as well as the creator economy, audio, and AR/VR [augmented reality/virtual reality] a bit further out,” Anmuth added. 

An illustration picture taken in London on December 18, 2020 shows the logos of Google, Apple, Facebook, Amazon and Microsoft displayed on a mobile phone and a laptop screen. (Photo by JUSTIN TALLIS / AFP) (Photo by JUSTIN TALLIS/AFP via Getty Images)

Alphabet has been the best performer of the Big Tech FAANG stocks so far in 2021, with shares rising 52% compared to the S&P 500’s 17.5% gain for the year-to-date. As a company that derives meaningful revenue from travel-related advertising revenue, Alphabet has been viewed as a key beneficiary of the broader economic reopening that began to occur in the spring of this year. Other software names, by contrast, have generally been viewed as bigger beneficiaries of a stay-at-home and work-from-home environment. 

Alphabet’s second-quarter revenue, excluding traffic acquisition costs (TAC), is expected to grow 46% to $46.1 billion, according to Bloomberg data, which would mark the fastest top-line growth for the company since the fourth quarter of 2012. 

Still, other online advertisers are also poised to get a boost from the reopening environment, with marketers more open to spend as pandemic-related uncertainty eased. Facebook’s revenues likely grew 49% over last year to $27.9 billion for the second quarter, accelerating slightly from the 48% rate in the first three months of 2021. That growth would come even as the company continues to contend with some decreased ad-targeting abilities after a recent Apple update that allowed users to opt out of tracking in apps including Facebook on iOS devices.

And Apple, for its part, likely also had a strong fiscal third-quarter, according to Wall Street’s estimates. Though consensus analysts expect to see that revenue growth slowed sequentially to 24% from the second quarter’s 54%, a boost from Apple’s latest iPhone upgrade cycle will likely still be at play, according to Wedbush analyst Dan Ives. 

“While the chip shortage was an overhang for Apple during the quarter, we believe the iPhone and Services strength in the quarter neutralized any short term weakness that the Street was anticipating three months ago,” Ives said in a note published July 21. “Taking a step back we believe based on our recent Asia supply chain checks that iPhone 13 demand will be similar/slightly stronger than iPhone 12 out of the gates which speaks to our thesis that this elongated ‘supercycle’ will continue for Cupertino well into 2022.” 

Meanwhile, e-commerce behemoth Amazon is heading into its first-ever earnings report without founder Jeff Bezos at the helm. The stock has underperformed so far in 2021, rising 12.3% for the year-to-date, after jumping by more than 76% in 2020 amid a pandemic-fueled boom in e-commerce demand. 

“We expect strong top-line growth in ’21, albeit decelerating versus pandemic-charged ’20, led by e-commerce growth of +27% y/y (vs. +42% y/y), including a strong 2Q and solid growth in 3Q-4Q as AMZN comps the pandemic surge,” Cowen analyst John Blackledge wrote in a note. 

An early Prime Day sales extravaganza is poised to help boost Amazon’s second-quarter top-line growth. The two-day event took place in late June this year, or at the end of the second quarter, compared to July 2019 and October 2020. And on the bottom-line, Amazon’s faster-growing, high-margin Amazon Web Services (AWS) cloud computing platform likely continued to help boost profitability. 

Federal Reserve decision

The Federal Reserve kicks off its latest two-day meeting on Tuesday, with a monetary policy decision and press conference from Fed Chair Jerome Powell set to take place Wednesday afternoon. 

The Fed’s June monetary policy statement and updated Summary of Economic Projections were taken as much less accommodative than many market participants expected, with the central bank raising its median forecasts for U.S. economic growth and core inflation over the next two years. The projections suggested the Fed might be more inclined to adjust policy in light of a fast-recovering economy experiencing rising inflation.

Federal Reserve Board Chair Jerome Powell testifies before Senate Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs hearing to examine the Semiannual Monetary Policy Report to Congress, Thursday, July 15, 2021, on Capitol Hill in Washington. (AP Photo/Jose Luis Magana)

The Fed’s first monetary policy move would impact the central bank’s quantitative easing program, with asset purchases still taking place at a rate of $120 billion per month. Powell’s discussions around these purchases have shifted throughout his recent public appearances, suggesting more serious consideration among FOMC members to announce the start of tapering. In April, for instance, Powell said the economy was “a long way from” achieving the Fed’s employment and inflation targets that would trigger a pivot to less accommodative monetary policy. But after the Fed’s June meeting, Powell said the economy was “still a ways off” from the central bank’s goals.

“Next week’s FOMC meeting should be less eventful than June’s hawkishly-perceived meeting. There will be no new interest rate forecasts ‘dots’ so attention will focus on the post-meeting statement and Chair Powell’s press conference,” JPMorgan economist Michael Feroli wrote in a note. “We believe the statement’s wording around asset purchases will be unchanged, but we expect that Powell will relate that the Committee discussed tapering again and that the economy is slowly getting closer to passing the ‘substantial further progress’ test to actually start tapering.

However, in the weeks since the Fed’s June meeting, more concerns arose around the Delta variant of the coronavirus, which triggered a sell-off in markets last week and which might increase monetary policymakers’ perceptions of the risks still present in the economy. At the same time, however, the risk that fast-rising inflation might need to be curbed with a monetary policy adjustment has also increased, with core consumer prices and producer prices each rising faster-than-expected in June. 

But on net, the Fed is likely to maintain a wait-and-see approach before making any adjustments, according to Feroli.

“Powell’s mid-July Congressional testimony raised the prospect that the FOMC statement would introduce an asymmetric policy bias: standing prepared to adjust policy if the Fed ‘saw signs that the path of inflation or longer-term inflation expectations were moving materially and persistently beyond levels consistent with our goal,'” Feroli said. “Since that testimony the rise of the Delta variant has injected some downside growth risks into the outlook, and this should help the doves argue for retaining the current symmetric policy bias.” 

Earnings Calendar

Monday: Lockheed Martin (LMT) before market open; Tesla (TSLA) after market close

Tuesday: Centene (CNC), UPS (UPS), 3M (MMM), SiriusXM Holdings (SIRI), Sherwin-Williams (SHW), General Electric (GE), Stanley Black & Decker (SWK), Polaris (PII), Waste Management Inc (WM), Boston Scientific Corp (BSX), JetBlue (JBLU), Fiserv (FISV), Raytheon Technologies (RTX), Invesco (IVZ), Lamb Weston Holdings (LW) before market open; Apple (AAPL), Starbucks (SBUX), Advanced Micro Devices (AMD), Alphabet (GOOGL), Teladoc Health (TDOC), Visa (V), Microsoft (MSFT), Mondelez International (MDLZ), Juniper Networks (JNPR), The Cheesecake Factory (CAKE) after market close

Wednesday: Humana (HUM), CME Group (CME), Pfizer (PFE), McDonald’s (MCD), Six Flags Entertainment (SIX), Boeing (BA), Moody’s Corp (MCO), General Dynamics Corp (GD), Teledyne Technologies (TDY), Bristol-Myers Squibb (BMY) before market open; Facebook (FB), Ford (F), Xilinx (XLNX), PayPal (PYPL), ServiceNow (NOW), Lam Research Corp (LRCX), Align Technology (ALGN) after market close 

Thursday: Merck & Co (MRK), Intercontinental Exchange (ICE), T Rowe Price Group (TROW), Comcast Corp (CMCSA), Spirit Airlines (SAVE), Valero Energy (VLO), Hilton Worldwide Holdings (HLT), The Carlyle Group (CG), Mastercard (MA), Molson Coors Beverage Co (TAP), Keurig Dr. Pepper (KDP), Yum! Brands (YUM), PG&E (PCG), Citrix Systems (CTXS), S&P Global Inc (SPGI) before market open; Amazon (AMZN), Overstock.com (OSTK), Albertsons Co (ACI), Altria Group (MO), T-Mobile (TMUS), World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE), Twilio (TWLO), Pinterest (PINS), Mohawk Industries (MHK), Upwork (UPWK), Skyworks Solutions (SWKS), United States Steel (X), Gilead Sciences (GILD), 

Friday: Caterpillar (CAT), VF Corp (VFC), Exxon Mobil Corp (XOM), Chevron Corp (CVX), Danimer Scientific (DNMR), Procter & Gamble (PG), AbbVie (ABBV), Charter Communications (CHTR) before market open

Economic Calendar

Monday: New home sales, month-on-month, June (4.0% expected, -5.9% in May); Dallas Fed Manufacturing Activity Index, July (32.3 expected, 31.1 in June)

Tuesday: Durable goods orders, June preliminary (2.0% expected, 2.3% in May); Durable goods orders excluding transportation, June preliminary (0.8% expected, 0.3% in May); Non-defense capital goods orders excluding aircraft, June preliminary (0.8% expected, 0.1% in May); Non-defense capital goods shipments excluding aircraft, June preliminary (0.8% expected, 1.1% in May); FHFA House Price Index, month-on-month, May (1.6% expected, 1.8% in April); S&P CoreLogic Case-Shiller 20-City Composite Index, month-on-month, May (1.50% expected, 1.62% in April); S&P CoreLogic Case-Shiller 20-City Composite Index, year-on-year, May (16.20% expected, 14.88% in April); Conference Board Consumer Confidence, July (124.0 expected, 127.3 in June); Richmond Federal Reserve Manufacturing Index, July (20 expected, 22 in June)

Wednesday: MBA Mortgage Applications, week ended July 23 (-4.0% during prior week); Advance Goods Trade Balance, June (-$88.0 billion expected, -$88.1 billion in May); Wholesale Inventories, month-on-month, June preliminary (1.1% expected, 1.3% in May); FOMC Monetary Policy Decision

Thursday: Initial jobless claims, week ended July 24 (380,000 expected, 419,000 during prior week); Continuing claims, week ended July 17 (3.192 million expected, 3.236 million during prior week; GDP annualized, quarter-on-quarter, second quarter (8.5% expected, 6.4% in first quarter); Personal consumption, second quarter (10.5% expected, 11.4% in first quarter); Core personal consumption expenditures, quarter-over-quarter, second quarter (6.0% expected, 2.5% in first quarter); Pending home sales, month-on-month, June (0.5% expected, 8.0% in May)

Friday: Personal income, June (-0.4% expected, -2.0% in May); Personal spending, June (0.7% expected, 0.0% in May); PCE deflator, month-on-month, June (0.6% expected, 0.4% in May); PCE deflator, year-on-year, June (4.0% expected, 3.9% in May); PCE core deflator, month-on-month, June (0.6% expected, 0.4% in May); PCE core deflator, year-on-year, June (3.7% expected, 3.4% in May); University of Michigan Sentiment, July final (80.8 expected, 80.8 in prior print) 

—

Emily McCormick is a reporter for Yahoo Finance. Follow her on Twitter: @emily_mcck

Read more from Emily:

Follow Yahoo Finance on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Flipboard, LinkedIn, YouTube, and reddit

[braindamageforbeginners]

Ice Floes

Quickly, before we begin: 1. this is a mostly-true anecdote that ties together several different, ideas I’ve had in the last two-ish days, including... 2. There are no ice floes here, it’s a reference to senecide in certain cultures (rarely practiced in Norhern Tribes and never practiced in the usual, “Send Grandma floating away on a chunk of ice!” way).

So, the first concept idea for this pieces my younger brother, Andy, who is working this summer s a fire-spotter in Idaho and/or Montana (he’s stationed in a national park that covers really big portions of both states). This is a cool, Norman Maclean manly-man style job for a grad student, and we were all fairly certain Andy would like his job (which, as a per-diem, is hard to beat, I’ll admit), and we’d all love to drop in and say hello, except I’m in very specific chemo ward 3-4 times a month (and that last week when I don’t have chemo, I still have to get them to draw my blood and run labs), so my schedule’s a little hard to work. And I started joking that, with our family’s luck, Andy would wind up in someplace with a name like ‘Dead Man’s Gulch” or “Rattleasnake Ridge” (remember that line) that we’d just as soon not bother with. Well, parents won’t be discouraged, so Dad’s thinking he might scratch off a bucket list item AND visit Andy... by backpacking to him (or near him). Which, even though he’s a nut for the treadmill, is not exactly the first phyisical task you’d nominate Dad for if you saw him in person. However, he’s decided to start training to address that very problem. Also, Andy’s fire station is somewhere in the Rattlesnake Mountains. I’m absolutely not making that up, Also, since my more-twisted jokes are apparently reshaping reality in their wake, I’d like to joke that I’ll be a multi-gabillionaire in a few years after someone reclassifies these scribbles as science-fiction.

One of the issues/questions I’m faced with all the time (aside from, “Why did we catch you tying truck nuts to Deputy Pierson’s police vehicle*?”) is how much of my time I really do devote to staying healthy and managing your disease/prescriptions/insurance/appointments. The short answer is, almost all of it. I know I spent a post last week essentially boasting how healthy I was, apart from having Stage IV cancer. What’s important is to know is that I take a weird sort of pride in that, and, as Dad has pointed out, in most cancer cases, the death/survival rate refers to elderly people who have other diseases or health issues in addition to cancer; he hasn’t heard of patients who get chemotherapy, then go for a 3-hour leg day the next day (I’d point out that having a pediatric cancer - as I did, sort of (another brain tumor) has serious long-term health implications for survivors, and now that I’m having toxic sludge pumped through me on  regular basis has a few more long-term associated-problems that I’d like to avoid. The point is, it is slowly starting to dawn on me that he might have a point, and I’m definitely doubling down on that bet, too. Which Dad knows, and knows I’ll be up for any dangerous stunt, as long as there’s even a minor probability of increased healthfulness. Which is why Dad and my step-mom invited me on Dad’s inaugural training hike; The Path of Pain (that’s not the official name, but it’s more accurate than the real thing). Now, bit of context; it’s not true that the Inuit would kill people by putting them on an ice flow and then sending them off. What is accurate - from my sources  - is that in times of famine, some Northern tribes (probably including the Inuit) would suddenly decamp in the middle of the night without telling Grandma and Grandpa. effectively leaving them to the mercy of the elements and luck/fate (to be fair, if the grandparents made it to the new camp, they were honored and informed of all future camp locations). So, I was aware of this when the following conversation occurred: SELF: This hike isn’t one of those obscure traditions where you’re going to leave the sick, infirm, and old - the societal deadwood, if you will - out in the elements to save the rest from starvation or something, is it? DAD: No. Why, are you worried we’d leave you behind? SELF: Nope, just stating - on behalf of the ill - that I have absolutely no intention of being out-distanced by the old just so I can be dire wolf bait. Also, I am absolutely prepared to lie and cheat in the name of that goal. Other people probably have better father-son chats. Other people are boring.

So, before I start describing the festivities - which involve a severe and horrifying betrayal - I might need to describe my disability status, and disability as it stands. GBM diagnosis is an automatic disability according to social security, because of that whole “really, really, high fatality rate and incredibly fast progression (although I’m okay now - I think, maybe - when I fist met Radiation Oncologist, she said the tumor had a 20% growth rate, which means it would double in size every five or so days - I shudder to think how bad, how quickly that could’ve gotten). And, even though I’m mostly-fine at the moment, for the first two weeks after my neurosurgery, I couldn’t walk. This was because I was completely numb on my left side for that time. Remember the last time you got a cavity filled and the dentist used novocaine? Imagine that sensation - or lack thereof - throughout your left side. Walking was a problem because I had no idea where my feet were (unless I was looking). I’ve come a long, long way since then, but that was not even eight months ago (before anyone asks, after a rather dismal showing by the physical therapists at the hospital, I haven’t been doing anything special to recover, other than exercising like my life depends on it). So, testing it on a steep, dangerous slope seemed bright.

Those of you who’ve been hiking with me probably have no trouble picturing the image. I don’t exactly skip up paths, but I do power through them the same grim, pig-headed determination that I’m bringing to the rest of this damned disease. The peak in question is about 1500 ft - not a prize-winner, to be sure, but it’s not a bad accomplishment for someone who couldn’t even go 150 feet not too long ago.

Now, with that smirking sense of triumph and gold star accomplishment, imagine my dismay when my wicked step-mother announced that this wasn’t the goal of the hike, the actual peak we were looking for was... 22 miles away. Okay, so that’s a bit of an exaggeration, the sum-total route was six miles, all on difficult trail. Greek heroes in classic tragedies endured less betrayal.

Now it would’ve been well within my power to request to go back; but, at that moment, I was feeling physically good at marching a mile in less than an hour, and that sensation somehow fused with testosterone, the Stetson, and male vanity, so, even though I knew at the time it might not be a good idea, all I could do was just grimly forge on with a few complaints. Good news, after a severe challenge to my dexterity, balance, and endurance, I’m still mostly-intact. I’m painfully sore from the waist down (I’ve said before, I’ll say it again, why isn’t codeine OTC in this Godforsaken country like it is in every civilized place on the planet). Left leg (and side) are not too bad, but the right foot’s killing me (I’ve tried stretching and rolling it on my yoga roller, which helped, but it’s still not up to snuff) - when I first got out of the car after arriving home (it’s a California thing; we drive for an hour to walk), I couldn’t, because that stupid right heel was too tender, And after all this, my reward to myself was an extra beer and another Tylenol. What have I become? Anyway, Dad and I have quietly agreed that sitting up and getting out of bed should definitely count as a trip to the gym (he’s also ordered a tree that’s sitting by the garage, so there’s a distinct possibility he has darker plans in store for me), and I’m personally going to try and keep my step-mother from any and all topographic maps. Still, you can’t outpace time and you’ll die if you ignore new constraints placed by disease, so I’ll look into some sort of walking stick (I spent the first five minutes back in the car slumped in the driver’s side because that’’s how achey/creeky I felt all on the left) before attempting anything that stupid and arduous again *I’ll credit Dad with this joke when he discovered that you can get a discount on these items if you order them online in bulk

[wingedsnek]

hey, look, it is a get to know tagger post !

Tagged by: @awake-in-the-dark

sorry its been a couple of days, I have been solely on mobile for aa while and Im trying to start the moving process, so ive been busy

1. Nickname?

Wren, that’s the only one id be okay with people using on here

2. Gender?

uhhhhhhhhhhh idk? im kinda questioning, she/her

3. Star sign?

Leo

4. Height?

5′4″

5. Favourite feature?

I like my eyes? theyre a nice shade of blue with a darker rim 

6. Favourite color?

dark purple

7. Favourite animal

SNAKES ARE MY SHIT

8. Average hours spent sleeping?

depends, 5/6 if I’m lucky when I have responsibilities like class, 8-10 when i can sleep into the late morning, my sleep cycle is wacky

9. Dogs or cats?

cats, easy

10. Number of blankets you sleep with?

1, on top off my comforter and shit

11. What’s your dream trip?

I’d love to travel Europe, especially Germany, Austria, and England

12. What’s your dream job?

I’d love to translate for video games or translate and/or illustrate childrens books

13. When did you make this account?

May 2014, my junior year in high school (wtf ive had this blog for over 4 years what the hell)

14. How many followers do you have?

198, wow where’d you all come from 0.0

15. How many pets do you have?

my family has two doggos!!! I love them!!

16. Best place to visit in your town or country?

honestly? I really like sitting in quirky coffeeshops, the city im in rn has a really cute one that is just so cozy

17. Favourite ice cream flavour?

oooo coffee ice cream is The Shit, it used to be mint chocolate chip

18. How often do you read?

uhhhh not as much as I’d like, in terms of novels not for school, so only like a book per 3 months rip (on the down low, I read a shit ton of fanfiction)

19. Favourite study locations?

I’m a terrible student and rarely properly study, but my university library is my usual go-to

20. Favourite book series?

hmmm PJO or The Inheritance Cycle/Eragon books

Tag 20 of your followers

nahhhhhh not gonna do that, do it if you want and tag me if you saw if from me!

[aion-rsa]

Xbox Game Pass: New Games for April 2021 Revealed

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Xbox Game Pass is Microsoft’s subscription service for Xbox One owners. It’s designed to be like a “Netflix for games,” where you pay a simple monthly rate and get access to loads of games for download. It’s not to be confused with the Xbox Live Gold membership, which gives users a selection of free games each month.

There has been a huge surge in popularity and profile for Xbox Game Pass since its launch, mainly due to the diverse list of games and first-party exlusives on the service. In fact, Microsoft drops new releases from its own internal studios onto the service on day one! Sea of Thieves was the first example of this, followed by State of Decay 2 and Crackdown 3. Since then, the service has seen the day one launch of several other high-profile Xbox exclusives, including Gears 5, The Outer Worlds, and Halo: Reach on the Halo: The Master Chief Collection.

Membership to Xbox Game Pass will set you back $9.99 per month. You can now also get an Xbox Game Pass Ultimate subscription for $1 for the first month and $14.99 every month after that. The subscription includes an Xbox Live Gold membership as well as all of the games offered on Xbox Game Pass and Xbox Game Pass for PC. Plus, with cloud support, you can play a selection of Xbox Game Pass titles on your Android phone. And now you even get access to titles on EA Play, the third-party publisher’s own on-demand service.

New games are added each month to Xbox Game Pass. Here are the games coming in March and April, plus all of the new Bethesda games available on the service starting on March 12 (with descriptions courtesy of the Xbox team) :

Xbox Game Pass: Games for April 2021

Outriders (Cloud and Console) – April 1

Outriders brings intense action and deep role-playing to Xbox Game Pass! Developed by People Can Fly, veterans of the shooter genre, Outriders presents a journey of survival across a savage planet, which can be tackled in both single player and 1-3 player co-op.

MLB The Show 21 (Cloud and Console) – April 20

MLB The Show 21 rockets the franchise onto the next generation of video game consoles with a huge range of improvements, enhancements, and optimizations that make The Show the ultimate Major League Baseball experience. Thousands of new animations, revolutionary innovation on gameplay, and an all-new Stadium Creator let you own The Show like never before.

NHL 21 (Console) EA Play – Coming in April

Carve your path to superstardom in an expanded Be A Pro mode and go down as one of the league’s greatest. On the ice, change up your attack with all new moves, dekes, dangles, and evasive maneuvers, inspired by the league’s most groundbreaking innovators.

Xbox Game Pass: Bethesda Games

Dishonored Definitive Edition (Console, PC, Cloud)

This complete compilation includes Dishonored, winner of over 100 Game of Year awards, as well as all of its additional content – Dunwall City Trials, The Knife of Dunwall, The Brigmore Witches and Void Walker’s Arsenal.

Dishonored 2 (Console, PC, Cloud)

Reprise your role as a supernatural assassin in Dishonored 2 – the next chapter in the award-winning saga by Arkane Studios. Play your way in a world where mysticism and industry collide. How will you combine your character’s unique set of powers, weapons and gadgets to eliminate your enemies?

DOOM (1993) (Console, PC, Cloud)

Doom introduced millions of gamers to the fast-paced, white-knuckle, demon-slaying action the franchise is known for. Relive the birth of the first-person shooter and experience the demon-blasting fun that popularized the genre. Doom includes Episode IV: Thy Flesh Consumed, with 9 additional action-packed levels and split-screen 4-player deathmatch and co-op.

DOOM II (Console, PC, Cloud)

Bring your trusty Super Shotgun and an arsenal of classic Doom weapons to bear against deadlier demons and the infamous boss, the Icon of Sin. Doom II includes The Master Levels for Doom II with 20 additional levels, as well as split-screen 4 player co-op and multiplayer.

DOOM 3 (Console, PC, Cloud)

Battle your way through a demon-infested facility before entering the abyss to battle Hell’s mightiest warrior – and put an end to the invasion. Doom 3 includes both campaign expansions – Resurrection of Evil and The Lost Mission.

DOOM 64 (Console, PC, Cloud)

Battle armies of demons in your crusade to hunt down the Mother Demon and stop Hell’s invasion. As you fight through more than 30 action-packed levels, be on the lookout for enhanced weapons and secrets to help you put an end to the demonic threat.

DOOM Eternal (Console, PC, Cloud)

Hell’s armies have invaded Earth. Become the Slayer in an epic single-player campaign to conquer demons across dimensions and stop the final destruction of humanity. Experience the ultimate combination of speed and power in Doom Eternal – the next leap in push-forward, first-person combat. The only thing they fear… is you.

The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind (Console, PC)

An epic, open-ended single-player RPG, Morrowind allows you to play any kind of character imaginable. You can choose to follow the main storyline and find the source of the evil blight that plagues the land, or set off on your own to explore strange locations and develop your character.

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (Console, PC)

Step inside the most richly detailed and vibrant game-world ever created. With a powerful combination of freeform gameplay and unprecedented graphics, you can unravel the main quest at your own pace or explore the vast world and find your own challenges.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Special Edition (Console, PC, Cloud)

Winner of more than 200 Game of the Year Awards, the Skyrim Special Edition includes the game and add-ons with all-new features like remastered art and effects, volumetric god rays, dynamic depth of field, and more. Also bring the power of mods to consoles. New quests, environments, characters, dialogue, armor, weapons and more – with Mods, there are no limits to what you can experience.

The Elder Scrolls Online (Cloud, Console)

Experience the award-winning story in a persistent Elder Scrolls world. Embark on an adventure that lets you play your way, go anywhere at any level. Battle, craft, steal, siege, explore and more.

The Evil Within (Console, PC, Cloud)

Experience a disturbing reality as you try to break free from warped machinations. With limited resources at your disposal, you’ll fight for survival and experience profound fear in this perfect blend of horror and action. Defeat insurmountable terror and experience the ultimate thrill by discovering The Evil Within.

Fallout 4 (Console, PC, Cloud)

As the sole survivor of Vault 111, you enter a world destroyed by nuclear war. Every second is a fight for survival, and every choice is yours. Only you can rebuild and determine the fate of the Wasteland. Welcome home.

Fallout 76 (Console, PC, Cloud)

Steel Dawn is the first chapter in the new Brotherhood of Steel questline, free for Fallout 76 players. Visit settlements populated with new NPCs and unlock powerful weapons and armor from the Brotherhood arsenal. Join in their mission to rebuild society and aid in securing valuable technology.

Fallout: New Vegas (Console)

Welcome to New Vegas. It’s the kind of town where you dig your own grave prior to being shot in the head… and that’s before things really get ugly. It’s a town of dreamers and desperados being torn apart by warring factions vying for complete control of this desert oasis.

Prey (Console, PC, Cloud)

Good morning, Morgan. Prey joins the Xbox Game Pass library, taking you from the comfort of your home to the treacherous depths of space. As Morgan Yu, you’ll have to use your wits, weapons and strange powers to fight the alien threat that has overtaken the Talos I space station. Explore the station, upgrade your skills and abilities, and uncover the secrets of Talos I and the dangers within.

RAGE 2 (Console, PC, Cloud)

Dive headfirst into a dystopian world devoid of society, law, and order. Rage 2 brings together two studio powerhouses – Avalanche Studios, masters of open world insanity, and id Software, creators of the first-person shooter – to deliver a carnival of carnage where you can go anywhere, shoot anything, and explode everything.

Wolfenstein: The New Order (Console, PC, Cloud)

Wolfenstein sends players across Europe on a personal mission to bring down the fascist war machine. With the help of a small group of resistance fighters, infiltrate their most heavily guarded facilities, battle high-tech legions, and take control of super-weapons that have conquered the earth – and beyond.

Wolfenstein: The Old Blood (Console, PC, Cloud)

The year is 1946 and the Nazis are on the brink of winning World War II. In an effort to turn the tide in the allies’ favor, B.J. Blazkowicz must embark on an epic, two-part mission deep within Bavaria…

Wolfenstein: Youngblood (Console, PC, Cloud)

Set 19 years after the events of Wolfenstein II, BJ Blazkowicz’s twin daughters, Jess and Soph Blazkowicz — after years of training from their battle-hardened father — are forced into action. Team up with a friend to level up, explore, and complete missions to unlock abilities that compliment your playstyle.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

The post Xbox Game Pass: New Games for April 2021 Revealed appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3e8utqM

[orbemnews]

Janet Yellen Drops Hints What Janet Yellen thinks The Treasury secretary opened the DealBook DC Policy Project yesterday, one of the few media interviews she has given since taking the job last month. Although she was typically understated in her conversation with Andrew, she dropped hints about some of her biggest priorities. Here’s what we think she’s planning: On jobs: Ms. Yellen said that the goal was to “get unemployment down to the levels we enjoyed prior to the crisis.” But she’s looking beyond the headline unemployment rate at bigger, broader numbers, and believes that the government has capacity to take on even more debt — suggesting she’ll push for more stimulus and other policies to goose the economy. On taxes: Don’t expect Ms. Yellen to support an Elizabeth Warren-style wealth tax. But the Treasury secretary suggested that she might support closing some loopholes in the tax code, including carried interest and, intriguingly, the “stepped up” basis of estate transfers. On crypto: Ms. Yellen dismissed Bitcoin, calling it an “extremely inefficient way of conducting transactions.” But she said it “makes sense” to consider a so-called digital dollar run by the central bank, in the first comments she has appeared to make about the idea. This could lead to “faster, safer and cheaper payments,” she said, an important statement of intent for crypto regulation in the coming years. Highlights from the other sessions yesterday: “It’s not my objective to run Amazon out of town.” The attorney general of New York, Letitia James, talked about protecting people against powerful business interests, including her recent suit against Amazon over workplace safety during the pandemic. “These big tech companies stifle competition, innovation, creativity,” she said. “Our product is missed.” The C.E.O. of Delta, Ed Bastian, spoke about the future of travel and about when the airline would start selling middle seats again. “The pent-up need and urge and desire to travel is like never before,” he said, though he noted that virus fears would make international travel slower to recover than domestic flights. “It is troubling to me — very troubling — that people don’t believe government numbers.” Microsoft’s former chief, Steve Ballmer, founded the nonprofit USAFacts to make economic data more accessible and understandable. In a chart-filled chat, he ran down the numbers on economic growth, jobs and more in an attempt to identify priorities for stimulus spending, minimum-wage policies and the like. To watch video replays of all the sessions, visit our live briefing. HERE’S WHAT’S HAPPENING The U.S. reaches a grim pandemic milestone. More than 500,000 people have died from Covid-19, the worst absolute death toll in the world. President Biden marked the moment with a solemn ceremony at the White House. Donald Trump loses a final bid to shield his tax returns. The Supreme Court rejected the former president’s effort to prevent Manhattan’s district attorney, Cyrus Vance, from obtaining his financial records. Just as important, Mr. Vance could get access to additional records from Mr. Trump’s accountants. Facebook and Australia reach a compromise over sharing news stories. The social network agreed to restore users’ ability to post news links after Australia agreed to minor concessions on a law that would require tech platforms to pay for articles that appear on their sites. BlackRock clarifies its climate change goals. A spokesman for the money-management giant told The Times’s Peter Eavis and Cliff Krauss that its “ambition” was to have its entire investment portfolio reach net zero emissions by 2050. But many corporate giants either haven’t set emissions targets or are struggling to meet their stated goals. SoftBank nears a settlement with Adam Neumann of WeWork. The Japanese tech giant is close to an agreement to buy half as much of Mr. Neumann’s stake in WeWork than previously agreed. A deal could help pave the way for SoftBank to sell WeWork to a SPAC. Victoria’s Secret reaches out to private equity again Less than a year after the pandemic doomed an effort to sell Victoria’s Secret to the investment firm Sycamore Partners, the lingerie chain’s owner, L Brands, will again test private equity’s appetite for the business, DealBook has learned. L Brands’ bankers at Goldman Sachs will begin formally pitching buyout firms about a potential takeover as soon as this week, according to people with knowledge of the matter. L Brands said this month that it was weighing a sale or spinoff of Victoria’s Secret by August, as it focuses on its faster-growing Bath & Body Works division. In a statement, L Brands’s C.F.O., Stuart Burgdoerfer, said that Victoria’s Secret had “substantially increased its valuation” and that L Brands was still evaluating all options for the business. Victoria’s Secret has embarked on a turnaround since the Sycamore sale collapsed. A priority has been overhauling its brand, as younger customers shunned its overtly sexy products for alternatives focused on comfort and criticized its marketing as exclusionary. The lingerie market is in demand. A recent investment valued Rihanna’s Savage x Fenty brand at $1 billion, for example. For prospective buyers, Victoria’s Secret remains a well-known label with a sizable market share. But potential acquirers may have one lingering concern: the continuing investigations and shareholder lawsuits about the ties between L Brands’ chairman, Les Wexner, and Jeffrey Epstein. “It’s just embarrassingly bad.” — Jennifer Doleac, an economist at Texas A&M, who co-wrote a study that found women presenting research at economics seminars faced more questions than men and were more likely to receive questions that were patronizing or hostile. A record SPAC deal gets the cold shoulder Wall Street has wondered for months what Churchill Capital IV, a nearly $2 billion SPAC, would buy. But after it finally confirmed that it would merge with the electric carmaker Lucid, investors soured on the news — a potential turning point for the blank-check boom. The deal will take Lucid public at a $24 billion valuation, one of the biggest SPAC transactions to date. To finance the deal, Churchill Capital IV set a record for a so-called PIPE, raising money from Saudi Arabia’s sovereign wealth fund, BlackRock, Fidelity and others. But Churchill Capital IV’s shares tumbled 30 percent in after-hours trading following the announcement. That wasn’t down to surprise — news reports about a merger with Lucid have been around for weeks — but may instead be rooted in the financial terms of the deal: The PIPE investors paid the equivalent of $15 per share, a premium to the SPAC’s net asset value, but nearly 75 percent below where Churchill Capital IV’s stock was trading before the announcement. (That said, shares in Churchill Capital IV had soared in recent weeks, thanks in part to recommendations on Reddit forums.) Andrew’s take: “Hey CCIV investors: You realize the PIPE investors, who actually got to see the books of Lucid, paid $15 a share while they literally watched retail buy at $40 and $50 and $60 a share? I’ve mentioned before these structures can create misalignment. Not always. But sometimes.” The big question: Is the bloom coming off the SPAC boom? The Lucid deal may turn out to be a good investment in the long term. But any increase in skepticism about blank-check funds could endanger the stratospheric growth in the sector. In other SPAC news, DealBook’s Lauren Hirsch writes about today’s $8.5 billion deal between Ardagh, which makes cans used by drink brands like LaCroix and White Claw, and a blank-check fund run by the serial SPAC founder Alec Gores. Bitcoin’s bad energy Among the reasons Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen is skeptical of the promise of Bitcoin (see above) is its energy use. As she told Andrew yesterday, “It’s an extremely inefficient way to conduct transactions and the amount of energy consumed in those transactions is staggering.” The more Bitcoin is worth, the more energy is burned. “Bitcoin is energy inefficient by its very nature,” Charles Hoskinson, the C.E.O. of the blockchain engineering firm IOHK, told DealBook. “The more its price rises, the more competition there is for the currency, leading its energy requirements to rise exponentially.” So-called miners use computers to solve increasingly complex mathematical puzzles to verify transactions, earning Bitcoin for the work. This consumes huge amounts of energy, equivalent to a midsize country’s power use. One Bitcoin transaction has the carbon footprint of 700,000 Visa payments, said Alex de Vries, an economist who created the Bitcoin Energy Consumption Index. (Smaller estimates still reckon it’s in the tens of thousands of equivalent credit card transactions.) “The Bitcoin network already requires half the amount of electrical energy to operate as all global data centers combined,” Mr. de Vries asserted. Miners could migrate to renewable power sources, but he cautioned that such operations need cheap and consistent power. And there is an electronic waste issue: Bitcoin mining requires highly specialized equipment that has a short life span and can’t be repurposed. At the time of writing, the price of Bitcoin is down sharply, nearly 20 percent off the high it set this weekend. THE SPEED READ Deals Politics and policy Dominion Voting Systems sued Mike Lindell, the C.E.O. of MyPillow, for $1.3 billion over his public touting of baseless election fraud claims involving the voting machine maker. (NYT) Tech What “nonfungible tokens” are, and why people are paying thousands of dollars for them. (NYT) Remember Long Blockchain, the onetime iced-tea company that refocused on crypto technology? It was delisted by the S.E.C. for failing to report its financials. (Bloomberg) Best of the rest Just one U.S. company went public with an all-male board last year. (Bloomberg) There’s a glut of luxury New York City homes being put up for sale by hedge fund tycoons moving to Florida. (WSJ) “Is McKinsey losing its mystique?” (FT) We’d like your feedback! Please email thoughts and suggestions to dealbook@nytimes.com. Source link Orbem News #DROPS #Hints #Janet #Yellen