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queen-thick-dick · 2 months

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"I'm autistic and aromantic, and that is really starting to annoy me as someone who shares intimate relationships with a bunch of romantic polyamorous people."

"Oh, do you struggle a lot to understand people's romantic feelings, or do you wish you had their kinds of connections?"

"Neither, I'm mad because I can't stop perfectly guessing exactly how everyone is going to let their feelings go too much and ruin their relationships. That or watching people continue the same self destructive spiral out of some bone deep terror of not dating someone. I understand everyone's relationships, usually more perfectly than they do."

#over and over again i meey couples #and my friends say 'wow these two have their shit together. i wish i had a realtionship like that!'#friends who know what bad relationships look like mind you #and i keep quietly thinking 'yeah theyve been doing okay. but one of them is clearly accepting full help and venting all feelings #and the other is clearly to *in* to their role as the stable one and isnt venting their feelings or getting any help from their partner #and thats worked for them but now that theyre both getting new partners these cracks are gonna turn into chasms that end the relationship'#and ive been right every single time #not just right about their being problems #right about the exact problems

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wonder-worker · 2 months

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Thinking about Elizabeth Woodville as a gothic heroine is making me go insane. She entered the story by overturning existing social structures, provoking both ire and fascination. She married into a dynasty doomed to eat itself alive. She was repeatedly associated with the supernatural, both in terms of love and death. Her life was shaped entirely by uncanny repetitions - two marriages, two widowhoods, two depositions, two flights to sanctuary, two ultimate reclamations, all paralleling and ricocheting off each other. Her plight after 1483 exposed the true rot at the heart of the monarchy - the trappings of royalty pulled away to reveal nothing, a never-ending cycle of betrayal and war, the price of power being the (literal) blood of children. She lived past the end of her family name, she lived past the end of her myth. She ended her life in a deeply anomalous position, half-in and half-out of royal society. She was both a haunting tragedy and the ultimate survivor who was finally free.

#elizabeth woodville #nobody was doing it like her #I wanted to add more things (eg: propaganda casting her as a transgressive figure and a threat to established orders; the way we'll never #truly Know her as she's been constantly rewritten across history) but ofc neither are unique to her or any other historical woman #my post #wars of the roses #don't reblog these tags but - the thing about Elizabeth is that she kept winning and losing at the same time #She rose higher and fell harder (in 1483-85) than anyone else in the late 15th century #From 1461 she was never ever at lasting peace - her widowhood and the crisis of 1469-71 and the actual terrible nightmare of 1483-85 and #Simnel's rebellion against her family and the fact that her birth family kept dying with her #and then she herself died right around the time yet another Pretender was stirring and threatening her children. That's...A Lot.#Imho Elizabeth was THE adaptor of the Wars of the Roses - she repeatedly found herself in highly anomalous and #unprecedented situations and just had to survive and adjust every single time #But that's just...never talked about when it comes to her #There are so many aspects of her life that are potentially fascinating yet completely unexplored in scholarship or media:#Her official appointment in royal councils; her position as the first Englishwoman post the Norman Conquest to be crowned queen #and what that actually MEANT for her; an actual examination of the propaganda against her; how she both foreshadowed and set a precedent #for Henry VIII's english queens; etc #There hasn't even been a proper reassessment of her role in 1483-85 TILL DATE despite it being one of the most wildly contested #periods in medieval England #lol I guess that's what drew me to Elizabeth in the first place - there's a fundamental lack of interest or acknowledgement in what was #actually happening with her and how it may have affected her. There's SO MUCH we can talk about but historians have repeatedly #stuck to the basics - and even then not well #I guess I have more things to write about on this blog then ((assuming I ever ever find the energy)#also to be clear while the Yorkists did 'eat themselves alive' they also Won - the crisis of 1483-85 was an internal conflict within #the dynasty that was not related to the events that ended in 1471 (which resulted in Edward IV's victory)#Henry Tudor was a figurehead for Edwardian Yorkists who specifically raised him as a claimant and were the ones who supported him #specifically as the husband of Elizabeth of York (swearing him as king only after he publicly swore to marry her)#Richard's defeat at Bosworth had *nothing* to do with 'York VS Lancaster' - it was the victory of one Yorkist faction against another #But yes the traditional line of succession was broken by Richard's betrayal and the male dynastic line was ultimately extinguished.

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brunetteaura · 1 year

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going on a heavy restriction of the use of my phone because its ruining my life and genuinely not letting me do things that i want to do consistently bc they feel too hard. i wont live my best life and evolve if i check my phone first thing in the morning if i dont let myself be in silence for the most part of the day and have my hands free if instead of journaling before sleep i go on tumblr and ruin my sleep schedule due to procrastination of that and so and so. like yeah i get things done but i dont like the pacing and the fact that even an hour of my day is being wasted on this stupid device in a mindless way i really want to put my whole attention into this ive already been asking myself a lot of the times what is it that i wanna do so ive been using my phone way less compared to previous years but i need to be more concentrated more focused and serious about it its genuinely a problem like what sense does it make to want to do something and then do it half assed and lazily. feel/think -> action -> result i will put my heart into things because its what i deserve to give to myself

#ive literally had notifications off for 2 months now i listen to very few hours of music compared to my entire life #but i still struggle because i am in fact on autopilot and until i vigilate myself every single time i log somewhere on my phone its #not going away. im already putting a lot of effort since i realized whats been going on but i just wanted to let it out again #and remind myself and give this kick in the butt that this is whats right and truly healthy #genuinely wonder what my brain would be like if i wasnt introduced to social media since i was 9 years old #📝

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skunkes · 8 days

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if someone is inspired by how you draw eyes or face shapes, or fabric folds, and they incorporate that into their style practice is that stealing from you and makes you uncomfortable? i know different artists have different boundaries and id like to stay within yours! so sorry that people have been copying you so much

no this is fine, especially since I myself draw eyes and faces and such in a variety of ways ^_^ and even then it wouldn't look exactly like "mine".

I wish there was a way to beam what I'm trying to get across into everyone's minds... I am not going to come after you for drawing mushroom eyes or wide headed funny snouted beasts or whatever...

Being super inspired by others is a Good Thing, I "steal" from others to get a better understanding of art all the time, I sift through the little things and details I like and feed them to my own work, where it's swallowed up and absorbed into its body and output, because you have to try really hard to do complete and direct emulation of somebody else's work, and most of the time that's not what people do or even want to do, at least not long term. Which is also kind of my point!

(In fact I've also seen lots of ppl heavily inspired by me (<- this is fine, we're mutuals or they literally told me about it) who have art better than mine like DAMN wtf did you need me for 😭 good for them good for them.

I've also had people apologize for stealing my style and then I look at their art and I don't see it at all bc everyone draws different and has their own brain that sees the world differently...its literally ok. This is how art is Made. If "cheye's" eyes and face shapes and folds, cobbled together from many before him, get you further into your own art and joy of it then make it so)

#anonymous #skunk mail #like when I accidentally stole from that one person my goal was not to draw like them forever (something i explained to them)#it was just seeing what I liked and could then incorporate and osmose into my work #or like how even Now i get inspired to draw really similar to Urasawa all the time #(though i guess its different for more established artists but I hope this makes sense)#look I can even tell you something right now: more recently ive been inspired by how decafbat draws furry snouts #as a single shape with implied planes #is this something I should be tarred and feathered for? no. is it super noticeable that this was the source of insp? no #did i ''steal'' it? i mean yeah‚ technically! i saw something she does and incorporated it into my work #where it now has its own way of manifesting...thats how its meant to be ykwim #im also not saying u have to credit every single person u take insp from of course #long post #hoping my transparency about this on all sides makes ppl less scared abt it like im not here to hurt u or anyone

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oh-no-its-bird · 2 months

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Adjusting my glasses to take a peek into the umbrella academy tag like Hmmmm. Maybe I don't want to watch the new season after all.

#im gonna be real I didnt even realize it had come out yet #where was all the marketing?? i saw none of it #Ive complained to friends before that a lot of the umbrella academy feels like hurt no comfort in a bad way #theyre SO good at making interesting compelling conflict on a personal level with the characters #and every time it happens I go “oh man I cant wait for the others to find out about this thing and react to it!”#but then it just. never happens. its forgotten and replaced with more character angst only us the audience seems to truly care about #example comes most to my mind is like almost every single thing that happens to Klaus in s1 #my son got the end of the stick over and over and over and it was either always ignored or used as a punchline #and thats only funny the first 3 times #same w Luthor basically almost being sexually assulted by Allison (am I remembering that right? its been a while)#it happens. its bad. the audience goes “oh fuck I cant wait to see the reactions / pay off from other characters ab this”#then it just doesnt! give us that!#it never gives us that pay off!#idk that was always my biggest pet peeve #the umbrella academy #birds rambles

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no-light-left-on · 7 months

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I often wonder about the quote-unquote logistics of Corvo the Black/Emily the Butcher endings. Emily makes more sense to me, in a way, carving her way through the empire only to come back with blood caked under her fingernails and realising that she did everything her father refused to do 15 years ago. but why did Corvo have a similar choice?

what happens to the statues later? does Emily keep her father trapped in stone? does Corvo look at his daughter, frozen in the moment and considers freeing her? is he at his deathbed when he finally reaches out and cups Emily's cheek, freeing her into a carcass of an empire that he gutted for her, in her name, in the name of her mother?

when I first heard of the endings I thought that if you reach very high chaos, you are locked into this choice - Corvo or Emily tries to free the other and the stone just doesn't budge. they are trapped. the quest is over but the world knows that the bloodshed was extreme and this is the punishment they have to face

#li.txt #dh #dishonored #kinda like the high chaos brigmore witches ending #there is no reason for corvo to kill daud if you finish BW in high chaos. but he still does. because the world Knows #but the very Active choice of the player and by extension the character to take the throne and keep their last family locked in stone....#its certainly a choice. and it makes me wonder about many a thing #i really wish we got more info #karnaisbear mentioned that itd be cool if we got comics expanding on alternate endings and like arkane. arkane can we please get those #I just really wanna know What It Was Like to live under the rule of Emily or Corvo in the very high chaos endings #and the fact that it seems like they can still free the other person? that adds so much more angst and tension to it #is there a time limit? do years pass and does corvo grow old and weary and thinks that yes #he has done his job and he has done it well. and the empire is righted and he can hand it back to emily now #and he cups her cheek and it remains cold marble #and all he did was for nothing #and he cries #(can u tell ive been reading thru the corvo the black tag)#not to mention something similar to that but with emily!!#imagine she grows old! older than corvo was when he was frozen!#the century is coming to a close when she finally frees him and she is older so much older and corvo will have to live with losing her #in every single impossible way he has lost her #and then he gets to bury his daughter #these tags got so dark wtf

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thebirdandhersong · 3 days

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Lol

#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting #with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy #and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because #your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED #OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered #being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal #anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this #can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws #worries #and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please #also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up #in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite #but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying #you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents #but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents #not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up #that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY #you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard #i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation #and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far

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dayurno · 7 months

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my advice for anyone whos growing more and more frustrated with the state of aftg and fandom at large is that arguing is fun but you need to be happy. ok. you need to. its hard when bad faith takes are dropped to your doorstep but you need to be happy and enjoy yourself and have fun or there's no point in anything at all ever. ok. fandom is not real and nothing is worth more than your enjoyment. i love you please make sure to have fun and reach out to a friend today. for me

#this goes doubly for fans of color if i'm honest #i say this bc a lot of my mutuals either currently or in the past have been very upset about how the fandom acts #and ive Done My Rounds with that ok #ive survived great wars even. and they did not make me happy #yes i was right and yes i should have said it but ultimately there was no material harm to choosing to have fun instead #lifes hard as it is in the real world where real things happen why would you waste your precious fun time on fighting crusades #and trust me i understand deeply the wish to fight crusades. Ive Fought Them. it got me hate mail and #an overall loss of passion for something i held sincerely in my heart #theres nothing more worthy than your enjoyment im serious. none of this is real and the world is hard out there #you need to get a good thing while u can #i dont remember a single time where ive actually felt vindicated by arguing with people online about. anything really but even more so aftg #but i remember in perfect and fond detail every time the (now defunct) kandreil discord server came up with an au #or even just normal casual conversation #i remember asks i got years ago about kevin day hcs that i hardly even agree with now but still love #trust me you will Not remember these squabbles what you will remember is what you loved and if youre lucky thats a lot of memories #so have fun ok. for me #txt

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puppyeared · 1 year

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you seem like the. kind of person who I'd run into during a rock concert while I'm trying to find bathroom and notably you are dressed kind of oddly for the concert (see: divorced dad outfit. hawaiian shirt. jorts. chunky sandles. giant sun hat.) and so I ask you "hello, do you know where I can find the bathroom?" and you go "yeah sure!!" and you point me the complete opposite direction from the bathroom. not on purpose, but because you also have no idea where the bathroom is. I thank you and go on my way, both of us oblivious to the fact we are currently very much not at a rock concert. it's an idie band that just screams really loud. sorry if that's specific you just give me giant 'perpetual tourist that isn't really a tourist and has never left their home city but just seems like a tourist anyways' energy

naw thats a pretty reasonable impression id say

#thank you for this i can very clearly see all of this happening whehghfdg #ive actually never been to a concert of any kind before!! id love to go see cavetown in person cuz hes the only one i actually consistently #listen to. but the dude only has his tours either in europe or the states orz #BUT if you did ask me where you could find a certain type of fish in the aquarium i could almost definitely get it right #only cause ive been to the aquarium enough times to memorize the galleries but forgetful enough to be surprised every single time #“yeah sure!!” is also a SPOT ON RESPONSE. not a “its that way” or “head there and turn left”. yeah sure is more on point than u could know #one time i was at the beach ogling these tiny fish and some guy asked me hows the water and i said theres tiny fish here!!#which did not answer his question and was so far off and its happened so many times that i think ive accepted it #ask #answered #yapping #doodles #puppysona #i also know deep in my soul i would dress oddly for a concert because 1) almost all the clothes in my closet are at least 8 years old #and 2) im very picky and wear for comfort rather than something i could actually use for certain outings. like a concert #i literally have a sweater that says baddie in fancy font and i only bought it because its REALLY FUNNY and it was like $12

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nomairuins · 1 month

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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And #make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not #saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was #going to say #like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so #bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the #winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000 #other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but #i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its #been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody #responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple #muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it #but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like #im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good #solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start #all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the #punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4 #im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but #even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think #avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is #like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they #hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be #the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO #difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15 #minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case #it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel #stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and #tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i #tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction #like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint

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faaun · 2 months

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ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

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magstorrn · 2 months

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every few years im reminded that the war of the worlds stage show exists which is never good because i always find something new to hate about it

#missives #the war of the worlds #jeff wayne #watched a few clips of the latest tour and brooooo why does it suck so bad #it doesnt have to be this way. make me the single divine arbiter of what goes into the show and ill fix it i promise #lile obviously it is successful somehow but that doesnt make it good #rip it from jeff's clammy little hands and make it into a proper musical please please please. they were on the right track in 2016 #with the dominion theatre production #its been downhill ever since #like. its just a bunch of decrepit old men way past their prime who desperately need to retire (looking at jeff and herbie flowers and JH)#and a stupid fucken hologram of an actor nobody likes. put a real actor there PLEASE #its soooo painful watching these genuinely talented performers being forced to rush their lines #anyway! my latest gripe #every new iteration of brave new world ive seen since 2018 keeps making the song worse #2018 is on thin fucking ice bevause i like the cast so much but thats where it all began im pretty sure #turning the end of the song into this weird combo love duet and whole cast ensemble song (life begins again) out of fucken nowhere #its the artilleryman's song holy shit get that out of here!#and i get that the latest tour is the 'post covid' life begins again tour or w/e but holy FUCK #can someone please explain to me why they now even have the other cast members on the screen saying lines at the same time #as the artilleryman #e.g. im not trying to tell you what to be #and its going to have to start with me and you etc etc etc #its annoying and even worse it doesnt make sense!!! why are they there!!! why are they saying the lines!! those lines have a very #specific meaning within the context of the song #idk it just seems like the song keeps being stripped of all its original meaning and i really like it so it's driving me bonkers #anywya. ANYWAY

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aropride · 1 year

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my shirt that says "i don't have an eating disorder" has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt

#text #(this is a reference to another tweet i dont have a shirt that says that)#ed tw #weight loss tw #talk about weight in general tw #like yes i eat the same thing almost every single day & have to force myself through every bite #no i dont have an eating disorder #i just have autism and anxiety and its making my life a little bit unliveable at the moment ❤️#i know i also have arfid which yes is an eating disorder but not like. in the way people probably think of if they look at me during #a meal and judge the way im eating and decide they think i have an ed (which i know is anxiety and nobody does that but still)#but i probably wouldnt get diagnosed bc im at a ''healthy weight''#even tho i know that for My Body it's not healthy . i was eating relatively well for a brief period of my senior year of high school #& very briefly my freshman year of college #and i got to around [number] both times #and they were both short periods of time so i still dont know what like. a healthy weight would be For Me and for My body #but i know a doctor would tell me my weight rn is Normal and Good and that if i gain weight thats Bad and Wrong #even though i am definitely not eating enough and not getting enough Fuel For My Body To Work Right #its such bullshit. also i hope whoever invented the bmi kills themself #Well anyway. swagever ive been eating one singular slice of pizza for half an hour so i gotta get back to that

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skunkes · 4 months

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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.