#and its very cool to see how they go together
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𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔦𝔱𝔲𝔡𝔢 𝔞𝔡𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱
requested by @rocketqueen1989x ! i am writing the other one you requested too!
☾a student struggles with their grades and attitude until their teacher, axl rose, offers a controversial form of "motivation," resulting in a tense, passionate encounter.☽
☾warnings: smut, teacher-student dynamic, swearing, power imbalance, THIS IS CONSENSUAL AND READER IS 18+ ☽
⁎⁺˳✧༚guns and roses masterlist
you sit in class, trying to focus on the lesson, but your mind keeps wandering. you've been struggling lately, and your grades have been slipping. you know you need to get your act together, but it's hard to care when everything seems so overwhelming.
as the class comes to a close, you start to pack up your things, ready to make a quick escape. but before you can make a move, axl rose, your teacher, speaks up. "you, stay behind," he says, his voice low and husky.
you feel a shiver run down your spine as you realize he's talking to you. you try to play it cool, but you can't help the flutter in your chest. you've had a crush on axl for what feels like forever, and now he's singling you out.
as the rest of the class files out, axl walks over to his desk and leans against it, his eyes fixed on you. "so, what's going on?" he asks, his voice firm but gentle. "your grades have been slipping, and i've noticed you've been having a bit of an attitude problem lately."
you feel a surge of defensiveness, but axl's calm demeanor puts you at ease. you try to explain, but he interrupts you, his voice taking on a slightly stern tone. "look, i know you're better than this. you're a smart kid, but you're not living up to your potential. and that attitude of yours? it's not going to get you very far."
you feel a spark of anger ignite within you, but before you can respond, axl continues. "but i think i know how to help you." his eyes seem to bore into your soul, and you feel a shiver run down your spine. "you see, sometimes, people just need a little… motivation. a little push in the right direction."
he pushes off from the desk and takes a step closer to you, his eyes locked on yours. you can feel the tension between you building, and you know exactly what he's suggesting. you try to play it cool, but your heart is racing, and your pulse is pounding in your ears.
"are you sure that's a good idea, mr. rose?" you ask, trying to sound calm, but your voice comes out husky and unsure.
axl's smile is slow and seductive. "oh, i'm positive," he says, his voice low and husky. "you see, i've found that when people are struggling, sometimes they just need to… release a little tension. and i'm happy to help you with that."
he takes another step closer, his eyes burning with intensity. you can feel the heat emanating from his body, and you know you're in trouble. but you can't help the way you feel, and as he reaches out and brushes a strand of hair behind your ear, you know you're putty in his hands.
"let's get one thing straight," he says, his voice low and husky. "i'm not going to go easy on you just because you're struggling. but i am going to help you… in my own way."
he leans in, his lips brushing against your ear, and you feel a shiver run down your spine. "you're going to have to trust me," he whispers. "and you're going to have to do exactly as i say."
you feel a surge of excitement mixed with a little fear, but as you look into his eyes, you know you're ready to take the leap. you nod, barely able to speak, and axl's smile is all the encouragement you need.
as he pulls you into his arms, you know you're in for a wild ride. he spins you around, pushing you against the desk, and his hands move over your body, touching you in all the right places. he rips your shirt open, the buttons flying everywhere, and his lips crash down on yours, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth.
you feel a moan building in your throat as axl's hands move over your body, touching you in all the right places. he pushes your bra up, exposing your breasts, and his lips move down your neck, tracing a path of fire over your skin.
he spins you around, bending you over the desk, and his hands move to your pants, ripping them down your legs. you feel a rush of excitement as he exposes your ass, and his hands move over your skin, touching you in all the right places.
"let's get that attitude adjusted," he whispers, his breath hot against your skin.
you feel a surge of excitement as axl's fingers move over your pussy, touching you in all the right places. he pushes you down, his body pressing against yours, and you feel his erection straining against his pants.
he rips his pants open, his erection springing free, and you can't help but gasp at the sight of him. axl's eyes lock on yours, and he whispers, "i'm going to fuck that attitude right out of you."
and with that, he thrusts into you, his body moving against yours, and you feel a rush of pleasure. you're aware of nothing but the feeling of his body against yours, the sensation of his erection moving inside you.
he pounds into you, his body slamming against yours, and you feel yourself getting lost in the sensation. you're aware of nothing but the feeling of his body against yours, the sensation of his erection moving inside you.
as you cum, axl's lips crash down on yours, and you feel a rush of pleasure. you're aware of nothing but the feeling of his body against yours, the sensation of his erection moving inside you.
and as you collapse against him, exhausted, axl's smile is all the encouragement you need. you know you've been adjusted, and you can't help but wonder what other lessons axl has in store for you.
he pulls out of you, his erection still hard, and you feel a surge of excitement. he spins you around, pushing you against the wall, and his hands move over your body, touching you in all the right places.
"i'm not done with you yet," he whispers, his breath hot against your skin.
and with that, he thrusts into you again, his body moving against yours, and you feel a rush of pleasure. you're aware of nothing but the feeling of his body against yours, the sensation of his erection moving inside you.
you're trapped in a cycle of pleasure, unable to escape, and you know you're at axl's mercy. but you wouldn't have it any other way.
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How are your sonic’s spending this Christmas? Your Shadow’s ?
uwahhhh sorry im late on this, things got busy !
1000YB shadow is sad and alone and a loser and probably hanging out with an old picture of sonic. probably being an extra strong workaholic ( sonic is big chilling in the afterlife) silly holiday piece Cat made with peepaw HERE
Happy auau- the gang is probably hanging out together ! doing festive little stuff and watching movies n playing games ,, sonic being the king probably dressing up as santa, they tried to get shadow to dress up but he chaos evaporated the costume before they could finish talking. but he is wearing smth wintery but not costumey (ough these are 2 years old please pardon them they never got finished vvv) if its cold enough shadow will also have his winter fur fdhghjg
Fire n water au- Sonic would be spending christmas at the castle with his family but, during the main plot, hes probably learning about the meaning of friends and family over big extravagant castle parties. Tails probably tries his best to make or find something for sonic, sonic may be a bit silly and spend a lot of their small amount of money on something cool for tails, and have consequences after. Blaze is being very normal about spending her first christmas alone with recently deceased parents and her missing brother ! Shadow is big chilling on the ocean floor. might eat a whale later if hes feeling festive
Desert vampires- i dont think they have christmas </3
Vampire au- i have a bunch for this ough. ...
Sonics festive but not as festive as amy is ! he has to help her decorate the house from top to bottom every season, and she'll likely move the house into ice cap zone to maximize the vibes
otherwise i think sonic just hangs out, admiring the island, running around, seeing lights n stuff, leaving little mysterious gifts around for his friends
Shadow doesnt do much ! hell stand in the snow and stare at the horizon, rouge will drag him christmas shopping (for herself HDJHFG) , probably drag him to a couple christmas parties he doesnt want to be at . and they probably steal from Geralds supply bays for funsies
i think when theyre older things are mostly the same ! sonic will usually split off to go hang out with his friends (now including rouge and knuckles) and he may be away to go down to the mainland to visit others amy inflicted him with the itch to decorate though, its deeply wrong to him to see shadows apartment look all lifeless and sad, shadow will sometimes just Wake Up to the house being almost fully decorated (shadow doesnt even know where he was hiding all this shit before)
i think sonics been able to get shadow to stay for a christmas party a couple times ! but never for long or without him finding some kind of corner to lurk in away from everybody,,, i have a tiny fic wip about one of them ough . its too rough to post any part of it </33
i dont think they really have any kind of christmas traditions they do, every year could be something different. And for gift giving, i think sonic does the same with leaving gifts around the house to find, surprises for shadow. shadows very direct though, always asking upfront whether sonic wants certain things or not uwah i think theyre silly,,, hope . htis is an adequate enough response LOL
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an attempt to use a different kind of color pallete than im use to
#the art of a lemon wedge#the urge to vibrate those colors is SO strong you dont even KNOW#i used rubens as a refrence cause i thought a nice 1500s pallete might suit them#and it is very interesting using a very limited color set#even MORe greys#and its very cool to see how they go together#idk how this will look like in the end#do i want to attempt baroque rendering#or stick to my usual#too easy it would be to tighten up and im not particularly interested in that#hmmm
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Was looking at refs and since Viktor has two different leg braces I was wondering, do we think he wears them simultaneously?? The refs don't perfectly line up perspective-wise so it's hard to tell but parts of the one he wears during the Hexcore scenes look like they could maybe line up with the brace that he wears over his clothes, but also some parts really don't and look like they'd be super uncomfy. Also HOW does he take these on and off. Experts weigh in
#viktor#arcane#ig my assumption would be that he wears both simultaneously cause in the scene where he injects the shimmer#it seems implied that he just threw off his clothes and kept experimenting#so one might assume he was already wearing the smaller one underneath#tho it is a funny image to think of him just being like 'one sec i gotta go all the way home and grab my other brace to do this'#he can take off the back brace too cause hes not wearing it in the scene where he's in the hospital bed and you can see his shoulder#where the strap would be#but that one seems to make even less sense functionality wise#everything looks like its screwed together#or screwed INTO him#but only the top bolts on his spine are i think#in the close ups of his back brace model it looks like theres cushioning underneath the parts of it that cover the rest of his spine#so he can take it off. but HOW#what parts of it unscrew/detatch to pull open and off#does it not do that at all and he just has to shimmy it off his shoulder and all the way down his legs to get it off like a romper#the shape language of the designs are cool but like. tell me how it wooorrkkksss#forgive me if im just dumb and dont know at all how braces work and theres a very simple practical explanation for all this#any king who wants to infodump about mobility aids at me....the floor is yours#something to be said i suppose about the fact that zaunites have crazy prosthetics with wild augmentations that work flawlessly#and piltover's like. idk heres some fucking uncomfortable ass metal. salo gets wheelchair in non ada compliant place#they havent ever needed to adapt to accommodate disabilities etc etc#or maybe artists were just like 'heres a design' and everybody clapped and didnt give it a second thought#and then they just turned off the visibility on the mesh when they didnt need it knowing thered not be a scene where its taken off#dont even wanna THINK about what that rig would look like#like 40 different controllers#soft body and rigid hard surfaces needing to move together....#a cold chill just shot up my spine#<- guy who is only an animator and doesnt know how to rig#forgive the magic wand tool with zero cleanup. i am lazy
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(guy who has never played cotl) haha au time
#this started as a design exercise bc i couldnt get sphinx/devon rex narinder out of my head#but the whole time i was thinking man imagine if the lamb brings him in as a follower but nobody knows he was actually. you know#and the followers are like haha wow our leader channels the power and wisdom of the one who waits almost as if they were them#would that be cool or what. anyway heres narinder reassuming his pre-bishop form and everything his flesh remembers before godhood#ok now im gonna ramble abt design notes#the singe marks were inspired by fallen angels like how some ppl say they burned while falling from heaven. i wanted smth like that when#the lamb is resurrected by nari.. their outfit is inspired by papal cloaks while narinders is based on crusader armor#the lambs name 'bellwether' is also a term used for sheep that wear a bell and lead the flock and i thought that was cool#idk what the thuribles do yet but i do have smth in mind where theyre linked together. and ofc the lamb has a shepherds staff#very proud of nari's little devil tail!! and it was hard to see bc its so dark but he has wrinkles around his forehead to conceal his#third eye. even he isnt aware of it (for now)#idk where im going with this au i just have a bunch of ideas?? basically the lamb is keeping nari's identity a secret from him so he doesnt#go down that path of powerhungry destruction. smth like trying to lead him down a better path but feels guilty lying to do that#also theyre in love with each other and theyre stupid pining idiots abt it. mwah#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#the one who waits#cotl the one who waits#narilamb#art#au#myart#my art#character design#cotl au#false prophet! au
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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reading Krakoa era out of order bc reading lists online make it confusing and my local library only has so many books
just as god intended right on my friend you're doing everything right and don't let anyone tell you otherwise
#snap chats#the key to reading comic books isnt to read them in order or even all of them just the ones you like#until eventually someone tells you some wack as hell fact about an issue and then you go read that one#many such cases why do you think i picked up onslaught revelation. cause that fucker is back#why do you think i picked up wolverine number 3 because my beautiful wife is hammered for two pages in it#brother was just talkin to me casually bout onslaught one day and i was like NO FUCKIN WAY thats how you do it !!!!!!!!#like the first krakoa story i read technically was resurrection of magneto followed by the trial of magneto#clearly we see i had an agenda vjALKJKLAJ BUT STILL#it was STILL a really good run ... i could piece together enough of the background before then and really enjoyed it on its own#with that said tho it was very cool/funny to see crumbs Of trial of magneto in way of x#BUT NOW I HAVE LEGION OF X HAHAAAA i cant wait to properly sit and read it ..... after i get through my New Mutants issues ....#i got those a while ago but i kept putting off reading them ... oops ..... i read the first one at least#i was gonna say something but i forgot. oh no i didnt i remember thats what i love about comic books#because theres So Many and so many timelines and stories it invites a lot of community interaction#just to be like 'oh hey did you know This happened in This issue you should check it out'. thats beautiful#even if. its to talk about utter dog shit like she lies with angels BUT STILL ITS COMMUNITY !!!!! we can be lovers AND haters together <3#its why i love getting physical comics too. i mean i dont have friends or people who visit me LOL#but i like the idea of bringing up what i have and letting people borrow it. community ......
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so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it
#ria.txt#i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????'#but then it was like. yeah. i see#love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations#also. izutsumi#what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes#the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected#hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille#not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop#it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes#haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face]#those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that#the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious#marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone-#-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH.#i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag#the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact#very solid and well rounded series wooo#the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together#anyways. dunmeshi au.....#more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison#ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters#which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste#false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her#martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy#stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty#the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone#i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her??#and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy
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Hearing a clip of flans on this podcast talking about how they were influenced by the residents because they're a very distinct band and you feel like when you listen to them you're really entering their world and it's just like that's EXACTLY what I was trying to express the other day and failing to do so the idea that they really did create this musical universe where it's like if there's no place for these Weird songs to exist we will create this place where they can . And you really do get that feeling that it's like recordings from another dimension sometimes obviously especially with like early dial a song stuff where you're hearing it over the phone so that really lends it that air but in general that's something I love about their music So much .. and obviously there are themes and imagery that's repeated throughout their body of work I don't know its my favorite thing ...tmbgworld. I need to go live there
#and like that kind of alien perspective they have going on lyrically that i think is why it really appeals especially to autistic people#because it resonates with how i see the world and other people ... its like tmbg makes music from my brain basically thats why i and so man#other people love them with the force of 1000 suns#and the musical universe thing its cool because its subtle and hard to describe#what links things together and gives you this specific feeling#it isnt overt like the Tmbg Musical Universe is an established place with lore#although that can be really great when other groups do that Obviously like pfunk#but i love how with tmbg its like. omg so hard to describe but the residents influence is very clear and i love when they talk about that#but at the same time its very different from that in ways that are great too#because theres a lot more humanity there for lack of a better terms and ugh idk#i wish i was better at putting things into words anyway i love they might be giants so so so much
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Just Desserts continental northern map made using this method! :D (Patreon)
#My art#Just Desserts#The JD residents all live on the northmost landmass in the middle green area - which I've been calling The Basin#It's a fairly flat area that has a very extreme mountain range to its north#They jut up extremely and then clifface on the coastline - keeps the Basin very protected from high moisture!#I've mentioned before how the JD universe doesn't really have summers - I mean that's Partially true#The Basin only experiences three seasons but the more south you go the more seasonal variation there is#But Residents can't stand the heat - even ones that are pastries that would require heat to bake don't fare well day after day#So none live in warmer climes! Other things do tho :)#It's funny to me how piecemeal this idea came together haha#The map-making trick is hecka cool! And it was definitely the push I needed but there are other bits of this that fell in line first#Most especially the fun little idea that I've doodled here or there and talked about in bits and pieces#Of how since the residents are candy that they mine teeth like cavities haha - it's canon now! >:3c#The northern mountains are the silhouette of the lower half of a human jaw! And with how they jut up - the mountains are shaped like teeth!#The Basin is the basin of the mouth/jaw where the tongue would normally be - the tasty bit haha#And residents do have a calcium-mining industry up there - and if the deposits happen to form in a specific shape well ♪ Hehehe#I'm still parsing what I'd like the mineral to Do exactly - it's more likely to be a building material than a food item but hmm#Why would they have such a need for it! Something more to consider#For now it's just a fun idea that finally got put to reality hehe ♪ And it was a fun thing to work on! :D#I'm not sure yet of what other landmasses might be around - maybe this is the whole world! - or what other fauna and flora there is#I'm back on thinking about Elemental Magic so there's that lol I can't help it#I'd like for the JD universe's magic system to be a little more defined :) Every little step helps!#See if you can identify the other silhouettes I used! :D
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idw is doing pride month specials for monster high and star trek so i think they should do one for sonic too where they say sonic is canonically trans and have a panel of tangle and whisper kissing thats so massive it takes up 2 pages
#Also sorry monster high fan moment but im kinda surprised that they decided to have a story about toralei and clawdeen as a couple#not saying it would never happen or anything#i just think that in g1 at least their relationship would have to go through a bit of development in order for them to canonically date?#so i wonder if theyre actually gonna show how/when/why they got together or just skip over that part#whatever im just happy that toralei is a focus in this at all because i love toralei#and clawdeen is also pretty high up there on my list of favorite characters . so double win#and its cool to see her dating a girl in official material after her being a lesbian has been a popular headcanon for so long#and . theres also valentine and spelldon i guess . i never cared for them very much but good for them and people who like them#idgaf about star trek thouhg sorry i dont have anything to say about that
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im thinking again
#ive been dealt the bad hand; the worse hand; the hand from the arm from the body#im just.....okay#Well aaaa its weird#nothing anyone says to me is to *me*#which is fair-- no one knows me. but i do wish i got it. i dont know#the passing of time is still my worst enemy#i love everyone so much. itssssssweird.#if youre following these posts and saw the last one: i think i am still gonna die soon. awwh man. i dunno#but i have no reason to go on truthfully and i dont feel like finding one#im tired and sad OK?#i do want an acknowledgement again#and if you're following these posts im going to do the same thing i did last time and talk to the three tumblr blogs:#1. hi. i really like you. i admit it. j think youre really cool and all. uh okay im supposed to ask a question so here; how are you? well i#hope. k dont know. i havent been reading up like i should be and as for the second blog im talking to here i also havent been reading up lik#e i should im very sorry. i will make that journal again though.#and third blog: hi!! i still have no clue how to do that one thing but youve really gotten me into the hypothetical idea of differences base#f off of like ...area. the thing you said about that one thing.! i javwnt been doing much about it but thinkin but you know thinkin is fun.#i do want to do reading on it but ive been very sad lately and i cannot be bothered#this is really fun talking to people like this. um#youre very cool blog one ive been becoming a big fan of you again#blog two.if you see this: i want you-- I'm sayin that to specify that I'm talking to you. but i dont. anyway: uh. oh no i forgot what i was#gonna say#okay here's to not talking to anyone particular:#i want to do drugs. its the only way ill be able to handle all this.but i... oh hey i have melatonin!!#hmmmmmm#idk#it just puts me to sleep and i hate sleeping cause im always having bad dreams-- both nightmares and just dreams that Suck-- but...... im#desperate.#okay im gonna take a normal dose and just keep it together i hope#I hate sleeping
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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always interesting to hear people speak about kpop and how often they'll focus in on the fact a group was "put together" by a company and therefore that group is less than or fake or somehow tainted because they didn't organically form out in the wild and I'm like... of all the things you could have contempt about, thats the one you chose? That one?
#honestly coming from mostly listening to western music and seeing#how the US industry is kinda obsessed with the notion of plucking “stars” from obscurity- if you even hint at the idea someone was in#the industry before they launched it's very very likely they're going to get the industry plant type treatment. /They're so fake/ type thin#then getting into kpop and seeing everyone blatantly talk about doing traineeships and all of that is interesting#both industries have 1 million issues so this isnt a pro studios post btw#but I just do NOT find the notion of a group being put together... bad. Its such a weird thing to be angry about?#its always specifically in regards to music groups too- whether boy/girl groups or bands- people get so weird about it#like this guy was talking about kpop but western bands and groups get it too and have for decades and decades#80s rock group that started as HS friends? cool. acceptable. group that were studio musicians and then formed? fake. studio plants.#like yes it can be very cool when a group of people met and made a group and then managed to get signed or get successful#but i dont actually need every group in the world to have had some extensive past relationship before they started makin music like ??#again of all the things to focus on#negativity#not really its more confusion but lmao
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someone's gotta make phrygian's triumphant musical theme that comes out in scenes like this and name it A Single Shot
#we wish we knew how to make music#hard mode is trying to convey the branched and Keith's description of the weird music that phrygian's true form is#but also we want a very very specific motif from the first A Single Shot thing in Partizan#like guys. guys. do you see this anime with us#can you hear it coming back whenever phrygian takes down something huge by themself in one hit#and the audience going nuts#it's not the main theme this is its own song and it's called a single shot and it is just for this beat#a rare beat but it IS recurring and it's SO cool#the BUILDING anticipation of teammates setting this shit up and everyone coming the fuck together#and then Phrygian giving it all they've got and hitting the final blow#and it's so cool#and then we are coasting on the comedown from that big BAM! climax in the song as Phrygian comes to talk to that prisoner#like this is just paperwork this is just closing it out this is just getting your reward#and then something goes wrong with the music and Phrygian's attempt fails and the guy doesn't leave#and the sound of the principality asserts itself and Phrygian gets hit with war-weary#please someone make this anime please#friends at the table#Palisade#Palisade spoilers#partizan spoilers#Partizan#first mate Phrygian our beloved
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#ooouuuugghhhhhhh ive spend the last hour making myself sad :(#whyd i have to go catch feelings for someone who Could Not Give A Shit lol#its a blessing that im moving or i would probably just slowly kill myself for the next year#watching him Very Obviously like someone more than me lol#worst part is everyone knows im just some sadsack sidepiece#and like we were never 'together' so idk wtf im upset about!!!#i could go out and do just as much as he does!!!#but i guess i just wish it had been different and that i had gotten closer w everyone else before i had to leave :(#because now i really feel like i could have been spending way more time w everyone if i had stopped waiting for him to invite me to things#he never invited me to shit anyways!! i was ALWAYS the one to ask 'hey are you free sometime'#EVERY SINGLE TIME#killing him with hammers in my mind#i deserve so much better and i KNOW that but hes hot and smart and has such cool friends#and i just really wanted to be part of that group so badly#and i dont have any relationship expirience i dont know how all of this is supposed to Work i just#i dont know i guess i thought it would be different#anyways im seeing him again tomorrow for what might be the last time#and i wont tell him any of the things i should bc ill see his stupid beautiful face and forget everything i wanted to say#you know this mother fucker wont even help me move? more than an entire year together and he flat out says no to helping me#and i know for a Fact he'll never come visit me#and ill probably drive my stupid little ass down two+ hours just to see him#you know hes got at least two guys willing to drive hours just for him#i need to meet this other guy so we can unionize#cus i guarenteeeee hes probably treating this guy not much better than me#and i say probably the last time bc now itll be reliant on him actually making a fucking effort to see me lol#or itll just be at shows and stuff#not like itll make a big difference cus we onky saw each other once or twice a month ANYWAYS#actually makes me so angry why did i spend so much mental energy on this guy#ILL FIND SOMEONE IN ALBANY WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKES ME JUST YOU GUYS WAIT#btw if i know you irl... ignore this... its shameful...
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