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the shadow of alexia
At 4 years old my entire life changed. One day my dad was at home and the next he wasn’t. Things changed after that. Everyone was sad, lots of people visited too. Sometimes I got new toys when they came over.
Alba was a scary teenager but Alexia. Alexia was my best friend and I was hers. She would take me to kindergarten and pick me up, she never missed a soccer game or ballet recital, she was always there. So was her special friend Jenni. Jenni was great, when I was little she used to let me colour in her tattoos, Everytime she got a new one, she’s get me new pens to colour on her.
As time went on, Alba and Alexia started moving out. Alexia moved in with Jenni and started getting busy with football, Alba still lived with Mami but was busy with her friends and modelling. Mami did the best she could. She was getting older and more tired, she didn’t miss a game or my last ballet recital, she didn’t miss the disappointment in my eyes when Alexia or Alba didn’t turn up. They were busy, I understand.
It went from seeing them a couple times a week, to once a week, to once a month. I learnt pretty quickly the only way to get Alexia’s attention was to either play football or to fuck up. Lucky for me I was good at both. School was boring, it was too easy, I understood it all faster than anyone else. The first time I skipped school, I was 14. No one noticed and no one cared. From there on out it became a routine. At least once a week I’d skip school and hang out with the others.
I personally never did anything too rowdy, just tagged along to enjoy the vibes. The first time I got caught skipping school was by Virginia. She promised me she wouldn’t tell Alexia or Mami and she kept that promise. The next time was by Alba, she lost her shit. Yelling at me about how irresponsible I was being and how much trouble I would get in. The second last time I got caught was by Jenni, I hadn’t seen her in a while, I was mad at her because of that so when she tried to give me a lecture I yelled at her.
“Y/n, you can’t be doing this shit. If Alexia found out she would lose it at you! What would happen if the police got you? What would you do then?”
“Why do you care Jenni? Huh? You left, you haven’t been around. You fucked off to Paris and didn’t even say goodbye. Tell Alexia, I don’t care, at least then she would talk to me.”
“Y/n, did Ale not talk to you about this?” Her voice was incredibly soft. That was something I missed about her, the way she spoke, the softness that was hidden from most people.
“She doesn’t talk to me at all. She doesn’t give a fuck about me.”
“Bebeita, we broke up. Thats why I left. we ended things and to be able to heal I had to leave. I am so sorry, she promised she would talk to you about it. I wanted to say goodbye to you myself but Alexia said it would be a bad idea.”
From there things spiralled. I didn’t want to talk to Alexia, I didn’t want to see her. I stopped going to her games with Mami, I would sneak out when I knew she was coming over. No longer did I look up to her, I hated her. I wanted nothing to do with her.
The day I quit football, I felt free. No longer having to play to get my oldest sisters attention, I didn’t care for that anymore. I had more time to hang out with my friends, to be a normal fucking teenager.
It took a week, it was quicker then I thought to be honest, but once Alexia found out, all hell broke loose.
“Where the hell is she!” Alexia stormed through the house. Surprising Eli.
“Who Alexia?”
“The Idiota. Your mija?” Alexia huffed. Eli was surprised by the way Alexia was acting.
“In her room with her friend.” Before Eli could say anything else, Alexia was off. Swinging open the door and disturbing the peace between you and your girlfriend.
“You, get out.”
“No Alexia. You don’t get to tell her to get out.” I got defensive fast. There’s no way she gets to come here and tell her she needs to leave.
“GET OUT NOW!” Alexia’s ‘captain’ voice was something that always got people moving.
“You don’t get to come here and act like you run the place. News flash alexia, you don’t fucking live here!”
“¡Dios mío! What is happening! Why did Isabella leave crying?” Mami looked pissed. More so at alexia than me.
“Alexia kicked her out. For no reason other than the fact that no one else is allowed to be happy but her.”
“Tell her what you did!” When I was younger, the look she was giving me would’ve scared me, but now it did nothing.
“I didn’t do anything alexia. Whatever your minions are telling you isn’t true. But hey, you wouldn’t listen to me anyway.” I tried to push past her, but she grabbed my wrist stopping me from moving.
“Mami she quit football. She fucking quit. After everything I’ve done for her she throws it back in my face!” Rolling her eyes and scoffing at me.
“Let her go now. I am aware she quit Alexia. She was only doing it for you.” Mami was mad, very mad. Alexia had come and disturbed the peace, making Isabella cry and screaming the house down.
“Grab me like that again I’ll drop you on your ass. I don’t give a fuck that you are la Reina.” The words came out like venom.
Everything is always about Alexia. I joined football to get close to her, I didn’t mean to get as far as I did, I honestly didn’t think I’d get past the academy. Being called up into the Barca B squad was cool. I enjoy the fitness side of it but genuinely couldn’t care less about actually playing.
The same day I quit, was the same day I got called up for the senior team. It sent me into a bit of a spiral. Mapi found me in the corner of the physios room with my sketchbook, crying.
“Oh nena! What’s wrong? Do you want me to get Ale?”
“No! Not ale! Don’t tell her please!”
“Okay no Ale but can you tell me what’s got you so worked up?”
“I got asked to join the senior team and I don’t want to. I only started playing so Alexia would be nice to me and talk to me. I don’t even like this stupid game! I just want to draw but that’ll never be good enough for her.”
After that, Mapi and I would get coffee in the mornings, I would show her my new drawings and tell her my ideas. She paid me to draw a photo of her and Ingrid. I knew she could draw herself but it was nice to have her in my corner. Mapi was talking more about to me Alexia, saying how good my drawings were and how much happier I seemed not having to play, she seemed to miss the confusion written all over Alexia’s face.
•———————————————————————•
Mami had a trip coming up, I knew about this, but what I didn’t know what she was going to make me stay with alexia. Isabella and I came home after the movies to find Mami, Alexia, Alba and some other chick sitting at the table. I mumbled a quick hello before trying to drag Isabella upstairs.
“Don’t be so rude. Actually say hello.” Alexia spoke angrily.
Scoffing I turned around “bite me Alexia.”
“¡Dios mío! Isabella Mi vida, it’s time for you to go home. You can wait upstairs for your Mami.”
“Mami no. That’s not fair. She doesn’t get to come in here and start bossing everyone around!”
“It’s okay amor, I should go home anyway. We have that biology exam anyway.”
“Now that your little friend is gone, sit down.”
“No.”
“SIT DOWN.”
“Ale, Cálmate.” The mysterious brunette says as she places her arm on alexia’s.
Fuck all this shit honestly. Turning as fast as I could I ran upstairs, knowing Alexia would follow quickly. I was right. I was barely able to push my dresser against the door before she tried to open it. I was not going to sit at that table and play happy families.
After an hour of listening to Alexia curse, she finally gave up. It was peaceful until Alba climbed through my bedroom window.
“Still got it.”
“Alba what the hell!”
“Hermana, I don’t know what happened between you and Ale, but if it’s the same thing that happened between me and you then you need to talk to her. She’s worried about you and scared. She doesn’t want to lose you.”
“She only cares now that she thinks her precious imagine is going to get hurt.”
“If you talk to her now, while Olga is here, it’ll be easier. She calms Alexia down and makes her think more rationally.”
“Who the fuck is Olga?” Was that the mysterious brunette in the dining room?
“What do you mean? She’s alexia’s girlfriend? You’ve met her before?”
“No I haven’t. I didn’t know she had a girlfriend.”
“Yes you met her a dinner a few months ago? She comes to Ales games and on Fridays when we have dinner!”
“I wasn’t invited to that dinner, I don’t go to Alexia’s games and I certainly don’t go to Friday dinners!” The angry tears started. Alexia was my hero, my bestfriend, the person I wanted to be and now I’ve been pushed aside. I know nothing about her and she equally knows nothing about me.
Alba pulled me in tight, letting me cry on her. It was weird doing it with her, she used to be the reason I cried and not the one to comfort me. But here we are, things change I guess.
“Mami really needs to talk with you so we need to go downstairs.” Begrudgingly I let alba pull me down the stairs. It was obvious to everyone that I had been crying, mami’s face softening when she saw me, Alexia’s face frowning in confusion.
“You wanted to talk so please do it quickly. I want to go to bed.” I tried to speak as respectfully as I could to Mami, it wasn’t her fault.
“Mija, I’ll be away for a month, you know this si?” I nodded my head before she continued, “you’re too young to stay here for a month alone so you’re going to stay with Alexia and Olga. You can still see your friends and will go to school, but they will look after you.”
“Mami no! I can look after myself!”
“You’re 16 chica. You’re not an adult like you think you are.” Alexia scoffed from the other side of the table.
“So what? You’re shipping me off to stay with Alexia, who won’t even been there half the time and a stranger? That’s safer? Some person that I’ve never met and sure as shit don’t trust!”
“Stop being such a Perra! You have met Olga, plenty of times! She comes to all the games she can, and to dinners all the time.”
“Ale stop” Alba knew what was coming and tried to stop it but it was too late.
“Dios mío, your head is so far up your own arse isn’t it? I haven’t been to a single game in over 8 months, I don’t get invited to you stupid little Friday night dinners and I have never met your girlfriend! Up until an hour ago I didn’t even know you had a fucking girlfriend Alexia. Everything is always about you. You and your stupid football or your stupid knee. I bet you right now you couldn’t tell me anything about what I’ve done in the last year, can you?”
“I know you quit football because you’re being a brat.”
Her answer honestly made me chuckle “Okay Alexia, anything else?”
Silence. She couldn’t tell you a single thing.
“Yeah that’s what I thought. You know nothing about me and that’s how it’s going to stay. I dont trust you, I don’t like you and I sure as shit don’t love you. You’re not my Hermana.” With hot tears falling down my face, I stormed back upstairs. I text Isabella asking if I could stay over and once she replied with a yes, I was gone. Out the window like Alba had come in an hour earlier. I texted Mami to let her know, I wasn’t that horrible to make her worry.
“Mami, you can’t let her talk to people like that! She’s incredibly disrespectful!”
Alba rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Are you serious? That girl used to hang off you. She looked up to you. It was always you alexia and now she wants nothing to do with you. You don’t invite her places, you don’t care about her. I noticed ages ago she was pulling away and I fixed it. Did you know she has a girlfriend? Or that she’s taking senior classes because she’s the smartest there? Or the fact that people are paying her to make them art or buying the pieces she already has. She quit football because she hates it. She hates it because of you. You ruined it for her. Mami, I will stay here with her while you’re gone. It’ll be better that way. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drop her off at Isabella’s.”
“No! It’s a school night! She cannot be going out!” It seems everything that was just said to Alexia, went in one ear and out the other.
“Alexia stop it now. She is allowed to stay at her girlfriend’s house, she has an exam at 1pm. Maybe you need to listen to what people are saying to you. I am going to bed, I suggest you all do the same, at your own houses.”
“Why does no one listen to me!” Alexia was annoyed, overwhelmed and tired. It had drained a lot of her energy being here tonight.
“Ale, I’m going to say this one time, you need to listen to what everyone has told you tonight, really listen, because you aren’t. You need to fix things with her but you need to sort your shit out first.” Olga had stayed silent most of the night, listening to everything that was said knowing her girlfriend wouldn’t. You were right, you had never met each other. What Olga didn’t realise was that it was Alexia’s fault, not yours. She put it down to being a moody teenager who was too cool to hang out with her sisters, oh how wrong she was.
•———————————————————————•
Two days before Mami was meant to go away, Alba rang saying she couldn’t stay over. She had gotten a modelling gig in Madrid and needed to go, that left Alexia and Olga. It would be the longest month of my life. Mami promised nothing would change just because I was staying here, she was wrong. Alexia was a bitch.
The first few days were fine, alexia would drop me off at school and I’d make my way home after, I generally spend it was Isabella because Alexia wouldn’t let her come over. We go into the city centre, get coffee and do our homework then catch the bus home. We did this even when Mami was here so it wasn’t anything new but when Alexia found out she hit the roof.
“You cannot be going into the city by yourself! Are you thick in the head?”
“Jesus Christ alexia! I’m not alone. Isabella is with me. Mami lets me do it so I’m going to keep doing it.”
“Is Isabella the reason you’re skipping school too?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I scoffed, storming off the guest bedroom and slamming the door so hard it made Olga jump.
By the third day of me being there, Alexia had turned up to pick me up herself. I tried to completely ignore her but Isabella had other ideas.
“Your sister is death staring me right now.”
“No amor, not you but me. Oh fuck here we go, she’s coming over here.”
“Get in the car y/n.”
“No. I told you yesterday that I’m allowed to do this. You’re not the boss of me.”
“Bebeita, it’s fine. I’ve got chores to do for papa anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She kissed my cheek and then walked away, leaving me no choice but to get in Alexia’s car.
The car ride was hell. Alexia was pissed, her hands constantly gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckle turned white. Neither of us spoke. To be honest, I didn’t know where we were going until we turned up at the training ground.
“Why are we here?”
“We have training. Get out.”
“No alexia. I quit. What part of that don’t you understand.”
“Get out now, or I will drag you out.”
Knowing she would literally drag me out, I had to wait it out. She’d turn her back eventually and I could leg it. I’m faster than her and more willing to jump fences.
The time came sooner than I thought, after entering the change rooms, she threw a set of clothes into my chest and walked off to the bathrooms. This was my chance and I wasn’t going to waste it.
Throwing the clothes into her cubby, I legged it out the door. Running past Mapi, Ingrid and Ona who all had confused looked on their faces. As soon as I got out, I kept running, knowing i had to get a head start. I wasn’t really sure where I was going, I knew I couldn’t go back to Alexia’s, Olga would be there. I couldn’t go home because that’s the first place she’d go, I couldn’t go to Albas because she drag me back by my ear. There was only one place to go.
Can Cuyás Golf Culb was the best place to hide. Sure someone might see me, but it’s easy enough to pretend to be lost.
The first thing Alexia noticed when she came out was the lack of you. Then the clothes she had given you, thrown back into her cubby.
“Have you seen y/n?” She asked as she turned to the girls in the locker room.
“She ran past us like 5 minutes ago?” Ona spoke up.
“Did she say anything?”
“No she was in a bit of a hurry Ale.” Mapi rolled her eyes at her best friend.
“Fuck sake.” Alexia exited the locker room, walking through the facility to try and find you. Slight panic kicked in when she wasn’t able too. Deciding to call Alba first, knowing you’d been closer to her the past few months.
“Hola Ale, to what do I owe this pleasure?” The sarcasm dripping from her voice.
“Have you seen y/n?”
“No why? What happened?” Panic arising in Alba.
“I picked her up from school and bought her to training. Gave her clothes to change into and I went to the toilet and came back and she was gone. She fucking ran off.”
“Why the hell would you try and make her train Alexia! She quit. She doesn’t want to play anymore!” Alba quickly became anger with the oldest Putellas.
“She is too good to throw it all away! She’s being a stupid child about all of this!” Quickly becoming defensive, not enjoying the way Alba is talking to her.
“You’re unbelievable. I haven’t seen her, I will try and find her. Don’t you worry, put your football above her like you always do.”
“Alba-“ she hung up before alexia could get another word in. There was one person left that Alexia had to call.
“Hola amor, why aren’t you training?” Olga’s sweet voice sounded through the phone.
“I’ve lost y/n. Can you please let me know if she comes home and if she does then don’t let her out of your sight.”
“What do you mean you’ve lost her Ale?”
“I bought her to training and she ran away while I was in the bathroom.” Pinching the bridge of her nose, Alexia already knew by the silence on the other end that Olga was trying to not yell at her.
“Alexia-“
“No I know okay. I already got an ear full from Alba. I have to go but I’ll call you later okay. I love you.” Slowly it started to creep in the fact that she had fucked up and caused you to run away. Training dragged on for Alexia, hoping that you had been found or made contact with Alba or even Olga.
Meanwhile, after hiding at the golf course for an hour, i decided to head to Isabella’s house. Knocking on the door, Isabella answered, still buttoning up her shirt. Eyes wide when she realised I was at her door.
“Wh-what are you doing here?” She closed the door slightly, so I could no longer see into the loungeroom.
“I ran away from Alexia. I was hoping we could hang out like normal?”
“Now’s not really a good time. I have someone here.” Isabella spoke quietly, not wanting to allude to the fact that the person inside wasn’t just a friend.
“Baby come back, we weren’t finished.” A guys voice yelled out.
“It’s not what you think y/n!”
“I think that guy wants your attention. I’m guessing that’s the reason you’re half dressed. Enjoy your time with him, we are done.” Tears welling in my eyes.
“I’m sorry y/n!”
“Go fuck your self Isabella.” sadness turned into anger real quick.
Isabella was my first girlfriend, my first kiss, the first person I had sex with and she goes and fucks a guy? While we are together? This is literally the last thing I wanted to deal with.
Unsure on what to do, or who to call I found my way to the beach. My throat and eyes hurt from crying so much. The pain in my chest was getting worse. Pulling out my phone, ignoring all the messages and calls, I rang the one person who would calm me.
“Hey Calabaza? What’s up?” Jenni’s voice rang through my ears. Unable to form a coherent sentence, only sobs coming out of my mouth.
“Hold on Bebé” I could hear her moving around, the voices of her teammates getting quieter, “talk to me. What happened?”
“I ran away. I ran away from Alexia and I went to Isabella’s house and she-she was cheating on me. With a guy. A fucking dude. She broke my heart Jenni. It hurts so much.”
“Oh babé. Where is Ale now? Where are you?”
“I don’t know. She’s probably at training. I’m at the beach where Papa used to take us. She’s going to be so mad at me.”
“Can you tell me why you ran away from her?” The way Jenni spoke so sweetly was something I missed dearly.
“She got me from school and took me to the training grounds. She was trying to make me train but when she went to the bathroom I ran away. I don’t want to train, I don’t want to play. I hate the game and I hate her. She doesn’t listen or care about me!” I could feel myself getting upset again.
“Okay okay, just breathe. You’re okay. I’m not going to tell her where you are but I need to tell someone. Albs has messaged me and so has Olga. You can pick who I tell.”
Pondering the options, Alba would tell Alexia but she’d also be just as angry and upset. Olga would tell Alexia but she’d be calmer and softer, that was what I needed at this moment.
“Olga. But tell her not to bring Alexia.”
“Okay bebé.” After a few moments she spoke up again, “she’s on the way. She promised no Alexia. Do you want to stay on the line with me until she comes?”
“Yes please. Can you tell me about Mexico?” Sniffling and wiping my face, I got up, walking towards the road to wait for Olga. After 25 minutes, Olga pulled up. A sad smile and worry on her face, she put an arm around me.
“Is Olga there now?” Jenni asked.
“Yeah she is. Uh thanks Jenni. Sorry for disturbing you.” Embarrassed about haven taken her time.
“No bebé, you don’t need to thank me or apologise. We are hermanas no matter what okay. You call me tomorrow when you’re feeling better. I love you.” with that she hung up. Reality slowing sinking it.
“Let’s get you home yeah? Are you hungry?” Olga smiled sadly at me.
“No thanks. Just tired.” I mumbled out.
The drive back to Alexia’s was quiet. When we pulled up, Alexia’s car wasn’t there, meaning she wasn’t home. That was good. Very good.
“She’s at Albas house. I told her you had messaged me but that I didn’t know where you were yet. It’s a small lie, but I’m sure it’s worth it.”
“Alexia hates lying.” I said lowly. Thinking back to all those times as a small girl that she yelled at me for lying.
“I know Pequeño. Do you want to tell me what happened today?”
“Everyday Isabella and I go into the city and have coffee and do our homework, but today Alexia came to school and got me. She drove us to the training grounds and said I had to train. But I-i quit. I don’t want to play anymore, I don’t enjoy it and only did it for Alexia but it was never enough. Nothing I do is ever enough for her.” Olga grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze for me to continue.
“I went to Isabella’s house and she had someone there. A guy, a guy that she was fucking. She was cheating on me for god knows how long. I thought everything was good with us. She was my first girlfriend and my first kiss. I lost my fucking virginity to her and she goes and fucks someone else? It just hurts. So much. Everything is hurting so much.”
“Oh pequeño. Come here.” Olga held me tight, my tears slowly soaking her shirt.
“Why doesn’t she love me like she loves Alba? I don’t understand.”
“Alexia?”
“Mhm. Nothing I do is good enough. I just want her to care about me more. Why can’t she?” It broke Olga’s heart hearing me say that. She didn’t know what was happening but she knew Alexia needed to fix it and fast.
After slowly showering, I thanked Olga and excused myself to bed. I didn’t think I had any tears left to cry but after crying for a while, I managed to pass out.
•———————————————————————•
After you went to your room, Olga texted Alexia, telling her she was here and safe. Alba and Alexia both rushed back to her home. Angry and worried at you, ready to both give you an ear full.
“Where is she Olga?” Alexia came in loudly.
“Keep your voice down. Both of you.” Olga was very firm.
“No she’s in trouble. She doesn’t get off lightly, we have been so worried about her.” Alexia sooke back angrily, usually she’d listen to her girlfriend but this had sent her into a rage.
“Really Ale? You’ve been worried? So worried you couldn’t train right? That you spent all night calling her friends or going to her favourite spots to try and find her?” Olga had had enough.
“Amor that’s not fair.”
“No you know what’s not fair? The fact that neither of you have been listening to her. She doesn’t want to play, she did it for you Ale. She wanted to make you proud of her. She hated playing but you wouldn’t know that. She loves to draw, and she’s really really good at it. She showed me all her work.”
Olga walked to the couch, extremely disappointed with the two women standing in front of her.
“Her girlfriend cheated on her. She found out this afternoon. She rang Jenni and Jenni messaged me. That’s how I found her. She was at the beach, heartbroken. Then when we got home, she asked why you didn’t love her Ale. She thinks you don’t care about her. That girl may have broke her heart tonight, but you broke her heart first Alexia. You’ll need to live with the fact that you were her first heartbreak.” Olga was exhausted. Neither Alexia Or Alba said anything. Both sitting in opposite ends of the lounge room, tears silently falling.
Olga excused herself to bed, leaving the older two in the lounge room to mull on their thoughts. She promised herself after your heartbreaking confession that she would have your back through this. Whatever tomorrow held, you would face it together.
#fcb femení#alexia x reader#woso fanfics#mapi león#woso imagine#woso x reader#woso community#ingrid engen#barca femeni#jenni hermoso#alexia putellas fanfic#jenni hermoso x alexia putellas#alexia putellas imagine#alexia putellas x reader#mapi leon x reader#alexia putellas x olga rios#fc barcelona femeni#alexia putellas
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«Yoongi Scissorhands»
Synopsis: He was a shy and cute creation, but his inventor died before making him hands, leaving him with scissorhands. He hid in the dark until you met him, giving him a shelter and showing him he was deserving of love.
M. Yoongi x f. Reader
2.8K words.
Genre: Inspired by Edward Scissorhands (1990) | yander-ish.
Tags: Edward scissorhands au, fluff but at the same time dark, cute and sweet Yoongi, but possessive and obsessive Yoongi (don't let him fool you), sweet reader, naive Yoongi, dangerous Yoongi, he's too whipped for reader, insecurities, jealousy, codependency, cuteness, soft Yoongi and reader, very fluffy but very toxic, reader likes her space and Yoongi likes her space too, obsession, murder, smut, rough s3x, cunnilingus, somnophilia, infatuation.
From the series masterlist; Hush.
Navigation Masterlist.
“… There are all kinds of scissors. And once there was even a man who had scissors for hands.”
You sighed rolling your eyes, you regret telling your mom that you’d help her sell her Avon’s products in the neighborhood. You needed the small sales commission, but no one bought anything from you.
This was frustrating, you already knocked all the doors of your neighborhood.
But then… you watched the gothic mansion on the hill from the side-view mirror of your car. The former owner died months ago of a heart attack, and since then, the castle looked abandoned. People say that the former owner was a creator, an artist that lived like a hermit.
You shrugged at your own thoughts, starting the car in the direction of the mansion. After all, curiosity always get the best of you.
You stood before the huge front door of the mansion castle-like, knocking the door and entering uninvited when you noticed that it was already opened.
“Uhm… hello? Is anyone at home? I don’t want to intrude but I have such good Avon products to show you!” You spoke out loudly, your customer-service smile wavered when the only sound that greet you was the echo of your voice.
You were about to turn around defeated until you heard steps in the second floor, making you grin with hope.
You wanted to at least sell one product today, and you were willing to do anything to achieve that, even if it involves literally intruding a stranger’s house and climbing their stairs.
The second floor looked like a huge studio, without rooms, just an empty and big space with canvas everywhere.
You narrowed your eyes when you saw a figure hiding in a dark corner, almost as if they were scared of you.
Your brows knitted, but that didn’t stop you from trying to charm the stranger with your customer-service smile.
“Oh, hello there! Sorry to intrude in your house, I just want to-“
You stopped mid-sentence by a scream of horror. In front of you stood a man with Scissorhands.
Fucking Scissorhands. You didn’t believe your eyes.
The pale boy flinched at your scream, widening his eyes and taking some steps back. His shoulders were a bit shrugged, and you noticed him hiding his Scissorhands behind his back.
A pang of guilt squeezes your chest, you didn’t mean to make him feel bad about himself.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry for my reaction, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m y/n, nice to meet you!” You smile wide again, trying not to waver this time.
The boy tilted his head to the side, like a confused puppy. If you say you didn’t melt by his cuteness, you’d be a liar.
“But I’m the one who’s scary,” he mutters softly, with his cat eyes looking at you with curiosity.
He was so pretty that it took your breath away. His raven and long hair boost his beautiful pale face. He was all dressed in black, goth alike, but his behavior was like that of a puppy.
And well, his Scissorhands were intimidating, but you stopped feeling scared when you realized he was harmless.
“You’re not scary at all, you look very nice to me. You’re just a little bit different, but there’s nothing wrong with that!” You grinned crinkling your eyes, you were trying your best to make him feel comfortable.
The boy returned your gesture, with a soft smile that bared his gums prettily.
You came here trying to be charming not charmed.
You watched your surroundings again, noticing that this place looked so abandoned and desolated.
“You live here alone?” You asked cautiously, watching his every expression.
He pouted with a sad nod.
“Yes, my creator left me without having finished my hands.” He said with a deep sigh, watching his scissors for hands.
He said left, not died.
You felt that pang of pity again, he looked so alone and hurt. Maybe you could… help him?
“I can… I can take care of you for a couple of weeks, to help you find a job and a place to live in the neighborhood.”
The boy blinked shocked, pointing a finger-blade to himself.
“Me? You’ll help me?”
“Yes,” you said smiling softly. “What’s your name?”
“Yoongi,” the gothic boy smiled with stars in his pitch-black eyes, melting you again.
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“All right,” you whispered, applying softly concealer under his watchful eyes. You felt his gaze heavy on you while you’re applying the Avon products.
He was still under your touch, his face inches from yours. You tried to ignore the hot knot in your belly by the closeness, but he made it difficult with those piercing and gentle eyes fixated on you.
You saw the next product that you haven’t tried on him, a lip balm. The mischievous part of you made you use your finger to apply the product softly on his lips, and you heard him inhale sharp. You tried so hard to hide your smirk. His lips were so soft at the touch, so you pull your finger away quickly to stop your train of thoughts.
“All done!” You singsong, acting like you didn’t see his face falling when you pull yourself away from him.
You two grew closer the last couple of days, your family wasn’t too eager of accommodating him, but when he offered himself to tend the house garden, turning it into a beautiful magazine-like garden, then they started to accept him.
You ignored the gossips of your nosy neighbors, happy to make Yoongi feel at home. Yoongi always did his best effort to please you, working as a hairdresser thanks to his hair cutting skills. You tried to be always around him, making sure that nobody take advantage of him. He was too naïve and well-intentioned for his own good, so you do your best to protect him.
He always follows you like a lost puppy, and you tried to teach him how to be more independent, but even then, he will still follow you everywhere. It’s like he needs to be around you, so you let him be for now.
Every morning he wakes up next to you on your bed even when he has his own bedroom, but again, you let him be. He cooks all of your food, and follows you when you went out to buy more products or sell to your neighbors. The townspeople say between whispers that the strange man was obsessed with you, but you pay them no attention, it was only gossips of ill-intentioned people.
It was so hard not to like him when he gives you one of his gummy smiles, or when he pulls your foot on top of his knee while trying so hard to tie your shoes, making you giggle at his serious and concentrated face. He was adorable, but… he also doesn’t know much about boundaries.
You see, after the second week you stopped feeling comfortable with him waking up beside you on your bed, not when he was getting so close to you. The other day his chest was glued to your back and his face buried into your neck, you wouldn’t bat an eye if it weren’t for his bulge poking your ass. You told him to wake up on his own bed, but he didn’t pay you attention, ignoring your request.
You started to get annoyed when he didn’t stop following you around even when you ordered him to give you some personal space. But he just shrugged, playing dumb as if he didn’t understand you at all.
That’s why you sneak away from him, having some space for yourself for a couple of hours before he caught you, and when he did it, it’s when you realized that something was off.
Yoongi’s eyes were crazed and his raven hair disheveled, he ran to you, wrapping his arms around your body and crying his heart out with relieve and fear. You were frozen, your limbs unmoving by the shock of his state.
“Why did you hide from me! I thought you left me like he did!” He sobbed, his teary eyes broking your heart.
You ignored the pain you felt at his Scissorhands cutting the skin of your arms.
You let him sleep with you that night, and it was your first mistake, because after that he started to sleep with you every night, not taking no for an answer.
You felt trapped.
Your second mistake was to show yourself vulnerable in front of him. You were crying because the man that sells you the Avon products acted rude and cruel towards you, not wanting to sell you or your mom any more products at all.
Your face was buried in Yoongi’s neck, with his arms wrapped around you while you were sitting on his lap. Your eyelids felt heavy when he rocked softly and gently your body, humming a sweet song into your ear. You’ve never felt so cared for, maybe that’s why you let yourself fall asleep into his arms that night, ignoring the feeling of lips brushing and mouthing your skin.
That was a moment of weakness, one that cost the rude man’s life. You screamed at the top of your lungs when you saw stains of blood covering half of Yoongi’s face, and the blood dripping from his Scissorhands were evidence enough of the crime he committed. His brows knitted with worry at your reaction, he wasn’t good at dealing with your rejection.
“I did this for you, because he hurt you, and I love you too much and I don’t want to see you sad.” He burst out with a trembling chin and a watering gaze.
Your mouth opened and closed like a fish, your blood ran cold, you were just shocked. You ignored him, walking past him, turning a deaf ear to his pleas and his heartbroken cries of your name.
Even though you acted tough, you were very weak for him, that’s why you didn’t tell the police that he murdered someone. You felt so ashamed of yourself, you didn’t even know why you were doing this for literally a stranger that you just met a couple of weeks ago. It was just so stupid, you were stupid.
Since then, Yoongi showed you a side of him that was darker, opposite to his sweet and innocent persona. He was acting more possessive and territorial towards you, threating to kill any man that dares as much as talking to you. He didn’t listen to your angry yells, simply staring at you as if you were a toddler throwing a tantrum, pissing you off even more. He was controlling, following you everywhere, you didn’t have space for yourself.
And the worst part was that you were trapped, because you were scared of him hurting more people or your family, and you were worried that he would tell the police that he murdered someone and that you lied for him.
It was a loss-loss situation.
You hide yourself in your bathroom, sitting on the floor and crying your eyes out. The only moment that you have time for yourself, away from him, was in the bathroom. And you needed the space to shed some tears before facing your ugly reality again.
The sobs were getting louder and wrecking, you covered your mouth but your cries could still be heard outside the bathroom. You winced at your own loud outburst.
Yoongi knocked immediately the door.
“Y/n are you okay? Can I come in?” He asked in a rushed tone, you know him well enough to sense his desperation.
You didn’t say anything back, wanting him to suffer.
“Y/n! Please open the door right now!”
This time he yelled at the other side of the door, you listened to his Scissorhands trying to turn the knob but failing, either way the door was locked. He hit the door hard, begging for you to open the door and shouting in anger when you simply ignored him.
Then there was an unsettling and deep silence, way too long for your like.
Until the door burst open, making you startled and scream.
Yoongi’s lips were curled down and his jaw clenched, it was the first time you see him this angry. His gaze was stern and his breath heavy, he walked towards you with long steps, and you flinched away cowering into the bathroom’s corner. His boots stopped before you, you made an effort to not look up and avoid his gaze. He squatted, growling when you still didn’t meet his eyes.
You cried in pain when he used his Scissorhands to grab your chin making you look at him. You felt blood dropping from the wound. His ebony eyes widened, and his brows knitted in worry and anger.
“I don’t want to hurt you, but you make it very hard.” He said with a pained grimace, as if the thought of hurting you wounded him more than you.
“Go back to your house Yoongi, I don’t want you near me.” You pressed between teeth, fighting back tears of frustration.
Yoongi inhaled sharply, with hurt flashing his watery eyes. His lips wobbled and the tears stream like cascades to his chin, he didn’t wipe them away, he only stared at you as if you just stabbed him.
You gulped hard at the sight, ignoring your heavy heart and avoiding his eyes, looking at the tiles of the bathroom instead.
“Is it… because of my hands? I know they’re ugly and sharp, but I promise not to hurt you with them.” He urged with a broken voice, coming closer to you, inches from your face and pushing you deeper into the corner. You felt trapped by him. He just didn’t let you breathe, it’s all him, him and him everywhere you take a breath.
“It’s not your hands! I like them! It’s just… you don’t give me space and you go around killing people and that’s not okay! Can you just have some common sense?” You barked against his face, panting with anger.
Yoongi looked like a kicked pup by your scolding.
“Sense? ‘Don’t know ‘bout that, ‘just know that I like your-your space and I don’t like bad people making you sad.” He whispered with a weak and soft voice, looking defeated.
You closed your eyes a second, the pang of guilt was too strong to bear. He didn’t know any better, he was just naïve.
You grabbed his face into your hands, stroking softly his cheeks with your thumbs, wiping the dry tears away. Yoongi sighed into your touch, with his lids heavy, staring piercingly at you.
You two stayed like that for a couple of minutes, until Yoongi pulled your wrists away, getting more closer to your face till your noses brushed.
“Do you forgive me?” He asked with a thin voice, his hot breath caressing your lips. You felt dizzy by his voice, scent and closeness, it felt like he was putting you under a spell.
You just nodded weakly, not wanting to utter a word and break the tension growing between you two.
His lips roamed until your jaw, brushing the skin and smiling against it, that was your only warning before he stands up pulling you with him, making you gasp and wrap your legs around his waist, he tried to not cut you with his Scissorhands.
You liked being carried by him as if you weight nothing. You wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face in his raven and soft looks, his scent making you dizzy again.
He took you to his room, closing the door behind him with his foot. He tried to lay you down on his mattress, but you clung yourself around him tighter, not wanting to pull away from his warmth for even a second. Yoongi chuckled at your reaction, trying to lay you down again.
“Let go, pretty girl,” you melted at his words, letting go of him and lying on his bed. Yoongi smirked mischievous at your compliance.
One of his finger-blades caressed your cheek lovingly, your heart beat was wild against your ribcage. Yoongi proved to be very dangerous, but at the same time, very sweet and innocent. You didn’t know what to think of him anymore.
“Let go of your thoughts, focus on me.” He ordered with a deep voice, his heavy gaze was watching your every expression, not missing your doubts.
You blinked surprised at his tone, but you smiled at him anyway.
Your legs were opened widely to make room for him, your toes curled at the feeling of his groin rubbing yours. You whimpered with your back arching at the feeling of his tongue lapping your neck like a starve dog, touching you everywhere like a possessed man. You ignored the pictures of you pinned to his wall, too busy moaning against his ear.
He’s doing what he wanted to do the first time he saw you.
You can read the +18 continuation on Patreon.
taglist:
@demonshauntingthedoves @pynkgothicka @cutequeen00 @nothingsreal420 @ririkookiemonster-archives @cannotalwaysbenight @loumin908 @devilzliaison @uniquecutie-puffs @polarnightmyg @acherry04 @lizziekitty @withmuchluv-tannie
#bts x reader#bts imagines#yandere bts#bangtan fanfic#bts fanfic#bts x you#yandere#yandere x reader#min yoongi#yoongi#yoongi x reader#suga#yoongi imagines#yoongi smut#yoongi fanfic#yoongi x you#yoongi x y/n#yoongi fluff#bangtan fic
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Spare Me Your Mercy Thoughts
I have waited almost four years for this show since MDL made a placeholder for Euthanasia in early-2021, and now that it is here, I'm going to gush about all the ways I love it!
Just like a few of Dr. Sammon's other shows airing around the holidays (Manner of Death, Dead Friend Forever, and Petrichor), I'm thankful I got the first episode of Spare Me Your Mercy on Thanksgiving and the last will come on Christmas because this is the exact show I need for the holiday season since it began the entire series with Tew, the cop, having to perform euthanasia on an animal.
I grew up and still live in a rural area where cattle far outnumber the actual folks, so I fully understand euthanasia is a good death as the word implies, so I will not be struggling through the premise of this show, and I have faith the show won't either because when Tew fired the gun, the scene was peaceful.
And the show is making some pointed remarks about how things operate outside of bigger cities since Kan specifically mentioned he has about 2,500 patients. When the other officer asked the nurses if Kan had a long queue, they didn't even respond. Kan also clarified that his specialty is palliative care, so he has to monitor a wide range of long-term illnesses, so even though Tew might actually be from this place, he is now the outsider and out of his depth before he even started.
Sidenote: I cannot be mad at a nurse, even if one of them turns out bad because the way they all protect Kan from the police is the teamwork I love to see.
The red light to notify the office the doctor is seeing a patient coming on right after Kan responded to the nurse that it wasn't a murder case yet was perfection.
I already knew Kan was going to be my favorite character, but Tor is doing amazing showing the layers Kan has, as expected. Kan tells Tor he can cry and shows him kindness, but when pushed, Kan makes small digs about how people should spend the last moments of someone's life cherishing them when rudely questioned by Tew regarding the unexpected deaths knowing Tew did not get to see his mother before she died. He also made a subtle display of knowing where things were located in the house because he is in control.
The way he slid his LINE information into the conversation AFTER indirectly telling Tew he was being emotional due to his grief is why I'm excited to see another version of Manner of Death's Tan. Kan probably does like Tew but he stays focused and calculated.
He is terrifying without there being any concrete detail to pinpoint on why he is scary. Som, while describing people being possessed by evil murderous spirits, was terrified of Kan, and the transition from Som telling his story to Kan appearing at the exact moment Som was going to state what human form the evil spirits take was brilliant.
But what's even more terrifying is the treatment of the terminally ill. They are viewed as a burden, locked away, and isolated.
And Tew witnessed it. He got a glimpse of what Kan sees daily, so the show is already building up a case in defense of Kan's actions. If he is performing euthanasia, Tew could understand. He heard the goat's bell. He knew it was still alive, but he decided to end its suffering, cleanly and swiftly, which is what euthanasia is. He saw that man left behind by his family and even moved to go get him. And he was bothered when the man's daughter stated her reasoning for leaving him out there alone.
He also stopped Kan from continuing to question Som. Therefore, the true conflict has been set. Tew, whose job is to discover the truth, doesn't need it if it causes pain, but Kan's entire job is making pain manageable.
And I always want to trust a woman, but as suspicious as the director is being about everything, babygirl would be the perfect person to attempt euthanasia since the dead would end up on her table where she could claim the death was the result of the illness.
Because euthanasia is a good death.
And this ain't it.
He understands that.
But someone doesn't.
#spare me your mercy#episode one#let me go make some food#and be thankful that Dr. Sammon continues to bless us with ethical dilemmas
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Do you think there is parallel between Peter and ron.
Fandom does Peter wrong. That is a fact. He is either absent or is present just for comic relief or is pure evil. But all those characterisation are simply cartoonish. As if written by a person who is living in la la land...
Peter, just like Lupin, we only know major things about him. But like not many people see lupin as a gray shade character only a kind fluffy guy, Peter is polarised to the bad one....
Ron similarly is often given the last place if how much of a good friend each person in golden trio was to be questioned. And that is a tragedy in itself because atleast for Ron we have so much material...
Infact for me, Ron will always be a person who has bigger heart than jkr's favorite mary sue-Lily Evans. She did what any good mother should do. But fandom never stops going on and on about it Or even Harry's sacrifice at the end is so much singed about...but then we have Ron, an 11 year kid who for the sake of defeating voldy, told his new Friends to leave him. He sacrificed himself at 11. Everyone was sure that he is risking his life...but no one i see ever gushes about that act of bravery. It is always about one Potter Or the other.
Peter too. I mean he won't have been friends with the other three for 10 years if they just tolerated him and vice versa. But making him evil kr stupid kr dumb Or hideous to look at in his childhood or teen years is like taking all his personality away and giving us just a shell of a person...
He did become animagi at 15 and that is quite a commendable magic. He is cunning to pull up his stunt as a spy....
Like war as sirius describes in gof is so dark and scary. And people forgot that big things make a person change.
Ron on the other hand had done quite a lot in his life time but often he is found to be judged for leaving his friends.
I believe that the only difference between them is that ron recognised his faults and made correction. Meanwhile pettigrew simply kept on walking on the wrong path he chose....
What do you think on this..?
thank you very much for the ask, pal!
i don't think this entirely works. ron gets cast by the fandom as a gluttonous moron who's also a bad friend primarily on account of the films - and as a bad person by people who want to ship hermione with other people but don't have the nerve to do this in a complex or interesting way - but the text never suggests that either harry or hermione think of him as being in last place in the trio.
indeed, when harry does think of himself as better than ron - when ron gets made a prefect over him in order of the phoenix - he feels horrible for his brief flash of jealousy and soon gets over it. on other occasions when he notes something about himself which could be seen as superior to ron - when he notes that ron got no outstandings at owl, for example - harry doesn't actually force a comparison which is designed to position ron below him. they end up doing the same newts, which is what harry - who sees ron as his partner in crime - cares about.
ron is also demonstrably harry's best friend, and harry tends to enable him and automatically side with him in conflict - it's an example of great self-growth that he doesn't cut hermione off in half-blood prince when ron does, since he's perfectly happy to do so in prisoner of azkaban. but he's also demonstrably hermione's best friend too. harry's relationship with her is, as he says, sibling-like, which doesn't just mean that it's not romantic, but that it contains a "you can't choose your family" vibe - he loves her fiercely, but he also finds her exasperating in a way ron doesn't, doesn't make any real effort to learn about her interests or include her in his, and is often quite harsh to her. ron - in contrast - does see his relationship with her as one of active choice.
this is why i never really like the idea that the trio and the marauders are meant to be parallels. on the surface, ron and harry should be the equivalent of james and sirius and hermione should be remus...
but they're not, because the clear dynamic of the marauders in canon is that they were a group centred around james. all three of sirius, remus, and peter clearly understood james as their best friend, and their relationships among themselves primarily depend on their understanding of their and the others' relationship to james. there is - i think - a credible case to be made that, if james was removed from the picture entirely, but not in a way that caused the profound trauma of the canon timeline [if he just moved away with lily, for example], the remaining three would drift apart.
james - of course - only understood sirius as his equal, his brother. peter is obviously someone he considered inferior to the two of them - albeit in a fond way, rather than a cruel one. he clearly thinks of him the way a teenager might think of their pre-teen sibling - someone you love and are happy to include in your social life if they do what you want, someone you also don't want to embarrass you in front of your cool teenage friends by letting them do what they want instead of following your instructions. remus is clearly someone he didn't think of as quite so socially inferior to him, but he also still seems to have understood him as peripheral to his and sirius' rampant codependence.
the trio doesn't have anything like this dynamic. even though harry is narratively unequal to ron and hermione - he is their leader, they are his disciples - the relationships across the three of them [harry's active choice to be friends with ron, harry's feeling that hermione is his sister; ron's active choice to be friends with hermione, his pseudo-familial relationship with harry] are much more equal than those among the marauders.
what i have been convinced by, however, is @whinlatter's belief that the best parallel for peter in the series is ginny:
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𑇍ℋ𝒶𝓊𝓃𝓉ℯ𝒹 𝒽ℴ𝓊𝓈ℯ𑇍
its 9:00PM and y /n gets a call from Chris, "Morning y/n/n, are we still gonna go to that haunted house tonight?"
Chris had been wanting and begging you to go to a haunted house for Halloween, but you weren't so keen on the idea. You had never liked scary things, and a haunted house was not ideal. “c’mon y/n I really want to go, it’ll be fun I promise” “Chris, no”
"Chris you know I don’t like scary things, I've told you many times" y/n says sternly "yeah but you like me don't you" Chris says whilst cheekily laughing, "Chris... don't do this to me" y/n says whilst giggling "I will hold your hand the whole time, you will have nothing to stress about pleaseeeee" he says as he jokingly "ugh fine okay only because I love you" "alright y/n/n see you then, love you!”
y/n has arrived outside the haunted house, she is standing there scared, all by herself, when suddenly, she gets picked up from behind, Chris' arms wrap around y/n stomach whilst picking her up in the air, y/n is screaming for her life. "CHRIS DONT DO THAT OH MY GOD" y/n says frightened whilst Chris is putting her down gently "You look so beautiful tonight" Chris says as his hand starts sliding down her lower back, they start to kiss when suddenly someone in a clown mask jumps out Infront of y/n. y/n screams and jumps into Chris' arms. Chris is laughing as nick takes off the clown mask "ahh don't worry y/n it's just me" Nick says as he goes to give y/n a hug "oh my god, nick seriously? anyways where's matt?" y/n says. "Matt is with Taylor, they are having a movie night at home" "boringgg" Chris yells. "oi leave them alone" y/n says protectively, "its just a joke chill y/n/n, anyways nick we are gonna go into the haunted house now we will catch you later”
They both finally get into the haunted house after y/n’ regret with her choice and chris having to talk her into it again. They’re walking up the stairs and see a door and chris decides to open it "Chris I dont think that is a good id-" before y/n could finish her sentence, a man wearing a full clown costume is at the door with a fake knife. "CHRIS RUN" y/n and Chris both start running to the other door, they go in and lock it "Chris that was terrifying" y/n says shaking, "y/n/n you know I would never let anything bad happen to you" he says whilst grabbing her hips and moving them closer to him. y/n is still shaking because she is scared and cold. Chris takes off his hoodie and gives it to her to put on. y/n puts it on and leans into his chest, he is resting his head on top of hers. "I love you Chris, I really do, even though you forced me to come here. I am never going to let anything get between us." Chris lifts his head off hers and guides her head up by her chin "y/n/n, nothing is ever going to happen, trust me.
𝓉𝒶𝑔𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉:
@clairesrose @sophand4n4
𖦹sorry for the people that are waiting for videographer part 3, we will get it out as soon as possible. I've been studying alot for my college and have been busy. so sorry x
#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#sturniolo#sturniolo fandom#nicolas sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo fluff#sturniolo imagine#chris sturiolo fanfic#mattsturniolo#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo smut#need that
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Sunken Cost Relationship
Vox and Valentino have been together for almost 50 years, on and off. They had their issues when they got together, like any couple, growing pains and the like. People always say not to mix business and pleasure, but when your business is pleasure, that gets murky. For the first 15 years, things were good. They rarely fought, and certainly never anything an apology couldn’t fix. It felt like a dream in Hell, something Vox had never dared hope for.
The first time they break up, Vox honestly believes it’s the end. Fifteen years is a good run, longer than most people— sure it’s not that long when forever’s on the table, or even those happy marriages where people have been married almost all their lives, but this is Hell, that’s just unreasonable.
And for three weeks that holds out. And then because their businesses are so extricable, they have a meeting that ends with them making out on the desk. It’s easy enough to say that breaking up was a mistake. And maybe their relationship is a little more fraught after that, but they move past it. They’re the Overlord power couple, it’ll take more than that to break them up.
They’re good in the 1990s, honestly. Sure Val breaks his screen for the first time, but it’s an accident. (And it is the first time, the second time it’s harder to defend, but he still does... and the third, and thr fourth). It’s all private, the only people who know that maybe something is amiss is Hellaina and some of Valentino’s employees. To the rest of Hell they’re just as united as they ever were.
Vox honestly can’t say when it changed, when the relationship started going ��on-again off-again’, or when the off agains started getting longer, and more frequent. When it became a challenge to see who could post about Vox’s broken screen first. Probably just after it became public instead of private. A screaming match at dinner, a snippy comment at a party, forgotten dates, a missed anniversary. That one star of Val’s who looked at him like she was sorry (and that, try as he might, he’s never been able to forget).
Now, Vox brings flowers and apologies and holds onto the better times, like it’s a rough patch. Twenty-five years is a long time, but not when forever’s on the table.
#tw: abuse#*personnel file (hc)#Vox & Val and the sunken cost#of I have been with this person for 50 years#neither of them are willing to leave fully#but also it is increasingly toxic#Like there is no part of me that thinks they can ever go back#sometimes you need to burn everything and start over#And at this point#I think Vox is getting to that point#like he's starting to realize all these smaller things#that he's been ignoring for decades#have built up around them#like the house where it's beautiful but the foundation is all rot#but he hasn't quite made the leap from that#to actually leaving#and I mean 50 years of business is a lot to unpack#Val is Vox's ONLY long term relationship#and it's scary to leave when the good is good and the bad is...#the reason for the yo-yo at all#or the continuation of I have thoughts about this relationship#I wouldn't say I ship it exactly#but it's so complex-- like it had to be good once#there has to be a reason for Vox to keep going back#and I do think Val cares for him#it doesn't stop Val being abusive#I'm rooting for Vox to leave him#sooner rather than later-- but like permanent#also almost this whole hc was written to Taylor Swift's#we are never getting back together
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It makes me sooo sad when people make a cute/happy/familial/ship/fandomy creepypasta post and they feel the need to be like “but I get it’s totally unrealistic like it could never be canon like I know they’re actually heartless and would kill eachother but I just like when they’re happy ik it’s cringe stupid fanon though” YOU DESERVE TO MAKE A HAPPY OR SILLY OR CUTE POST WITHOUT REPRIMANDING YOURSELF FOR ENJOYING THE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS YOUVE PROBABLY LOVED SINCE CHILDHOOD!!!! YOU SHOULDNT HAVE TO DEFEND YOUR INTEREST IN LIGHTHEARTED FLUFFY CONTENT!!! IT IS A BEAUTIFUL THING TO CONSUME POSITIVE CONTENT!!! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CONSUME HARDCORE EDGY CRUEL GRUESOME CONTENT IF ITS NOT YOUR PREFERENCE!!!! Please. We all want you to be happy. Whether you enjoy fandom-style content or dark serious horror.
#chatterbox#I just hate when people sorta put themselves down for anything but ESPECIALLY something like this. focusing on joy is so good for you#and ofc im not saying horror content is bad cuz I love it too and I think it totally should be explored and enjoyed#serious psychology and realism and scary shit is badass#also I won’t pretend I’m not guilty of this either HAHA I’m always leaving disclaimers when I’m being overly fluffy or headcanoning a lot#I get how it feels to need to defend the things u enjoy even when they’re harmless
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Danyal Al Ghul's missed potential - this kid is not gonna behave like his canon self if he's with the league of assassins until his late formative years, and my reasoning why
(feel free to take this all with a grain of salt this is just my thoughts on it, this is all mostly amusing to me and isn't trying to be negative towards anyone else)
similar to how i was talking about how danny growing up in crime alley would affect him, demon twin aus with danyal al ghul make me laugh a lot (affectionate) because... whose teaching danny to unlearn all the ecofascism he picked up from the league of assassins? whose teaching him to be kind? to be gentle? Not the LoA thats for certain.
(you could plausibly say Jazz but she's only 2 years older than Danny and do you really expect a fellow child to properly explain why X is wrong to another child and have it be 100% effective? i don't doubt it'd help to an extent, but not in the same way an adult explaining it would)
plus a ton of other things, like whose teaching him to value human life? not the LoA. Whose teaching him how to adjust to living with American society after he ends up with the Fentons when he's 8-9-10? Who teaches him that killing is wrong, whose enforcing that?
(not the Fentons if you're going the neglectful parent route, and Jazz can try but i really don't think Danny is going to listen to her, a stranger who isn't even part of his grandfather's league)
How do you teach a child to value human life when the greatest development window for that opportunity has closed and he's already formed his own opinions?
You're not gonna get a Danny whose exactly like his canon attitude if he's staying with the league during his formative years (0-8 years old). you're not. You could get someone LIKE it, potentially, or someone who has traces of it or is similar -- like danny's wit and jokes and sarcasm, and on some level his kindness. but you're not gonna have a carbon copy. Development doesn't work that way. "nature" can only do so much in the face of nurture.
If anything, it doesn't even have to be a major change -- in the league he cans till be kind, but it's probably going to manifest in a different way than what is considered normal. Tough love, for one. But there's gonna be something that affects him negatively. Why make him 'always good/kind' when you can make him a brat who develops into a kinder (if spikier than in canon) person?
TLDR: Danyal Al Ghul would not be like how he is in canon if he's with the league until his late formative years -- not without any lasting pr permanent impacts from the league at least. Missed potential to make him an absolute nightmare like damian was -- especially in his early years when he first arrived to the Fenton house.
(this doesn't apply to danyal al ghul aus where he's either given to the fentons as a baby/is reincarnated/etc. this is mostly aimed for danyal al ghul aus where he fakes his death at like, 7-10 and somehow ends up, personality-wise like his completely canon self by 14 without any differences.)
(and even then if he's five or four, or even three, he would still be traumatized and influenced by the league. he'll just have more time to adjust. the sooner he leaves the league the more likely he is to be like his canon self, but not like an exact copy)
(more under the cut)
Anyways what I'm saying is that there is prime missed Danyal al Ghul potential to make him an absolute NIGHTMARE to the Fentons however way he ends up with them, just like Damian was with the Waynes! Cuz why does Damian get all the fun? Danny got the same training and endoctrine as him! He is also an ex-assassin! Why is Danny the only one who is 'well adjusted and non-violent' hm? Hmm?
Why can't he also be mean, and stabby, and a total stuck-up in some way or another? Have fun with his characterization, its prime opportunity to play play-doh and clay with him! If he starts out as X how does he get the personality traits of Y, and thus become XY?
Like take this with a grain of salt if you will, but make him arrogant. Make him an asshole! Make him a bad person at first! Because he will be! He's the blood son of the batman and you mean to tell me that damian is the only one arrogant about it at first? Make him stabby and mean even at 14 when he's begun to chill out! Have fun with it! If he's with the Fentons at any point past the age of four or five then he's gonna be a nightmare to handle because he still remembers the league and his time there.
(and while it gives him more time to chill the hell out, his time at the league is still gonna leave an impact on him.)
also what im saying as well is have him and sam potentially get along like a house on FIRE. Again, Danny grew up under the views of an ecofascist cult and nobody to challenge those views to him until he got to amity park at whatever age in late formative years he was at. He could be about as intense or even MORE intense about environmental awareness/rights than Sam is!
(also him being supremely unimpressed with Sam's wealth. he gave up a palace in the mountains for this town. because that's funny to me - like let his past have more influence on him! it'll be fun!)
you could have a danny who doesn't kill but doesn't fully understand the value of human life because jazz is like two years older than him and isn't that good at explaining why people's lives are important. he won't kill but he's not morally opposed to it. there's very little chance he actually gets bullied at school because he nearly killed Dash the first time he tried anything.
Danny could have scars, physical ones, because its implied in multiple canon that training starts at toddling (my best bet is 3 at minimum and ~maybe~ 2 but only on the later side of 2. Good fucking luck getting any infant under 2 to do anything you ask, ESPECIALLY assassin training. They're gonna stick the weapon in their mouth sooner than they're gonna do katas. This is coming from a daycare teacher.)
there's more examples of how danny being at the league during his formative years would affect him, but those are just some of them. he could have a sword! An appreciation for weaponry and nature. Maybe he still speaks all shakespearan and formal, does he still make bodily threats to people? If Damian is still threatening people at 14 why can't danny?
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#tldr danyal al ghul has a ton of missed potential of what his behavior would be like if he left the league mid-to-late formative years#this post is specifically directed towards those danyal al ghul posts where he ends up with the fentons when he's like. 8#like great. who taught him to unlearn all of the LoA's programming#how is he exactly like he was in canon despite being with the LoA during his early childhood#source: i've taken multiple child development classes#this isnt to bash those aus at all its just me thinking its hilarious that danny would even remotely be like his canon personality#especially if he's in the league long enough for damian to remember him#like i love danyal al ghul aus i just think there's not enough being taken into account about how the league would permanently impact him#especially if he leaves later on in life#people are not ponds they are puddles of mud. if you drop a rock into it it's gonna change its shape#its also good creative exercises on how to flesh characters out better and better understand how things in a story may impact a character#good thought exercises with the additional bonus of making danny a violent gremlin like damian is#i dont wanna say this is bashing but i guess it is kinda a criticism on the writing in those aus because you’re telling me this had NO#affect on danny on his personality beyond just ‘oh league bad. league scary’?? cmonnn have some fun#like you mean to tell me that being a child assassin had no lasting impact on him or his personality?? like at all???#he doesnt have an ounce of self-importance/arrogance/anger like damian did?? like none of that *stuck?* he’s just the normal and sane#sibling right off the bat??? five years with the fentons turned him into a complete blankslate?? he has no lasting impact from the league??
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ok so there's murder time trio where theyre best buddies and get along and sometimes even having more than just platonic interactions. and then there's also the murder time trio where they genuinely just don't like each other and avoid each other and do NOT get along and to me there's just a VERY clear timeline of events that could connect these two group dynamics. like these 2 could coexist,,,,,,
nightmare's fresh outta his little corruption sequence and he needs his henchmen. goes out and gathers the obvious three killer horror and dust (does it really matter how he got them??? kidnapping or not the trio will warm up to him). its his first time having to deal with mentally unstable grown up mortal men and he really has no idea how to manage the team so he lets them have some slack. spoils em a bit yk yk stops fights allows them to hang out allows em to screw around the castle even COMFORTS them,,,, shocking i know (a slightly nice nightmare interpretation from triglycercule? UNFATHOMABLE!!!!)
this killer's fresh outta something new so he's still kinda curious and nosy. he hasnt seen the multiverse and especially not interacted with nightmare/horrordust so he's kinda more outgoing and friendly (ish. to get to know better everyone and satisfy the curiosity of seeing what reactions and feelings these fellas could give him.) bc killer's not that much of a prick and horror and dust would naturally SLIGHTLY get along (and if in the right environment be good buddies. which is nm's lenience and killer's not shittiness) the mtt actually get along pretty well and are good buds!! like the first group dynamic i mentioned where the bad sanses are just kinda like a friend group except they have some weird work relations
and then a fight breaks out and nightmare kills either dust or horror (what about??? anything!) likely dust first because he's more likely to be wary of nm (if kidnapped) and also because he's just kinda more actively righteous compared to horror (who likely wouldn't do much against nm) or killer (does not give a shit.) dust dies, horror likely dies defending dust and that just leaves the og killer and nightmare
nightmare is like "oh shit i just killed my workers". he'll take like a week to ponder what he did and then completely move on (because hes an ass like that.) nightmare gets another horror and dust to replace the ones he killed. and killer is just like wtf how do i deal with this. the guys i were kinda friends were are dead but their copies are right here. like he knew copies existed in the utmv but he didn't think nightmare was so willing to replace them so fast???
this killer's still adapting to the multiverse and stuff (it probably hasn't even been a year since he got snatched up!!!) and yeah hes aware that copies exist and he could get replaced by one but he didn't think that it would LITERALLY HAPPEN RIGHT BEFORE HIS EYES. so he decides to stick more around nm and avoid getting replaced like the og dust and horror because it really just hammers in the point that he's kinda useless if he speaks out like those 2. hes avoidant of the new replacements as well bc hes still new to this experience and is getting used to the whole implications of two guys that were once him and he was friends with died and got replaced by basically the same person
but they still have to work together for obvious reasons. and even if killer's avoiding horror and dust they probably aren't avoiding each other and probably are like wary friends/acquaintances. and naturally killer HAS to become okay worker buddy pals with them because hes stuck living with them. nightmare's a lot stricter and cold to avoid something like dust's rebellion against him happening again. mtt are wary of each other (mostly towards killer. horrordust are pals and killer's kinda growing more apathetic to the duo because he's already experienced a lot of the stuff before with the og two that died.) but theyre still "friends" you could say
and then perchance maybe horror and dust decide to let killer in on a lil secret theyve been cooking up. theyre planning to escape (kidnapped DUH. and nm isn't as nice as he was to og horrordust to warrent them to wanna stay) and even though they don't really trust killer theyre still letting him in on the plan and offer for him to come with them because they lowkey feel bad for him and he's really not all that bad under all the bullshit
but killer saw what happened to the og dust and horror so he says no. and the night that the duo are planning to escape he just has this overwhelming sense of dread. the next morning he wakes up to nightmare standing over his bed with a cold glare telling him of horror and dust's attempted escape and death and killer just kinda. sighs. his dread was right (he was lowkey hoping that they could escape so they didn't die like the original 2)
and then the cycle repeats. previous dust or horror or both die to nightmare or some random outside force or escape (because it has to happen eventually right??) and the pair keep getting replaced. killer keeps witnessing their deaths and replacements and at this point he's just so used to it that he doesn't even TRY to interact with the new horrors and dusts. theyre not even like real people that are getting killed and replaced like robots to him anymore they're just distant coworkers that get fired and then a new one comes to take up the position
each new dust or horror is icked out by nightmare and killer. nightmare is incredibly cold and intimidating and dictatorial and just sucks in general. and killer gives them this distant look. like he knows something they dont. he's already proven to them that he knows that they should obey nightmare and how to deal with the king and they know he's been here longer than them but even when he's not with nightmare or not talking about him they get the blank stare
sometimes when a nicer replacement of horror decides to do something nice for killer like make him a meal he just gives him that look and declines (there's already been countless different horrors that tried doing nice stuff for him. it's not new and nice in his eyes anymore.) maybe when a dust replacement gets irked by killer's apathy and decides to try and say something that'll bother him or snoop through his personal stuff killer will just walk away or kick him out of his room with that creepy ass blank stare again (it's not the first time a dust has tried to rile him up. it's not new or interesting and just predictable)
killer just doesn't CARE about the new horrors and dusts. they're all pretty much the same two guy except maybe a bit nicer or meaner or quieter or even taller or something?? all he really cares about is is serving nightmares atp, no other outside relationships. and ngl he doesn't even care that much about nightmare either. he's already figured out his thinking he's already figured out all of his likes and dislikes and what not to do to piss him off. the only reason he's still dealing with him is because he doesn't have anything else better to do and he doesn't wanna be useless to the one guy that he's served all this time
he's just kinda stuck in an empty boring limbo that killer's only maintaining due to a lack of motivation and any other priorities. and personally i just think this bad sans dynamic is lowkey tragic because like killer keeps witnessing all these guys that he used to be friends or enemies or rivals or whatever with and they just keep dying or leaving him behind. not one ever stays for THAT long (because no wayyyy a dust or horror would take being under a cruel nightmare well) and it's given him this idea that none of these people matter (aside from the important one which is nm) because they're just gonna leave me and the connections ill have formed with them will be for nothing so why even try being vulnerable and friendly and interacting with these cheap copies of the guys i USED to be friends with
#nobody asked for this but i wanted to think of this#i don't know why i always have this idea that just because nobody asked for it doesn't mean nobody wants it. I WANTED TO WRITE THIS!!!!!#see this would work better if it were a fanfic and not a cheap tumblr post about this vague idea#i just wrote this because i really like the image of a blank eyed knowing looking killer#like he KNOWS something about dust and horror that they don't. and it bothers them severely#WHAT DOES HE KNOW??? their death or leaving is what#you ever think that killer has this crazy good sense of being able to predict the future#like he's just gotten so used to things that he just knows their next move#he would be crazy good at reading people and figuring out their behaviors#psycho analyze these guys until he could ACT like them. because what else does he have better to do when so bored and apathetic :3#this (may or may not be) is inspired by a song. i was imagining a dust and horror who kept trying to leave nm and failing miserably#and each time killer would tell their story of how they died or how the previous 2 died#he's like a little time capsule. he stores the experiences and memories of each copy of horror and dust to never tell anyone#because who else would be hell??? the MIRROR??? NIGHTMARE??? lmao no#would this make killer much older than the horrors and dusts that get replaced. maybe i think that would be cool#he lies about how old he is to the other two because if he didn't then they would act differently and not like how he predicts#and anything new and unexpected is kinda scary to killer#ok i think that's enough elaborating in tags. time to actually TAG#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#nightmare sans#bad sanses#bad sans gang#nightmare's gang#what tricule tag category does this go in hmmmm hmmmm#this COULD be a hc and BOTH an analysis. but which one...............#i guess analysis because there's not really anything outrageously ooc in this one#tricule analyze
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*insert pink color here*
#ironic that last year at this time i was really sick cause i had candidemia#(fungus in my blood and organs etc)#and now my doc is having me take a cordyceps and lionsmane supplement#LMAO#kinda fucked up but in a funny way 💀#guys if you ever get candidemia or a fungal infection the diet and meds you gotta go on SUCK#basically no sugar and i mean not even a gram of it can be in the food you consume for 4 weeks at minimum and you gotta eat mostly greens#and drink water and that's it#my infection was so bad they were worried about it fucking up my brain and other major organs so i was on that for 3 months#from what the docs said i caught it cause my last bout with covid at the time shot my immune system#and get this: they saw A LOT of people that had similiar fungal problems after said clients had covid#some food for thought if you're thinking about boosters or anything#but yeah...TLOU lite isn't fun#when fungus gets in your system that bitch doesn't want to leave and it makes you sick#covid almost killed me but the fungus shit was scary cause it likes to be incognito with symptoms until its like HEY ROOMIE#IVE BEEN INSIDE YOU FOR A LONG TIME HERE'S SOME NERVE DAMAGE A FEVER AND IMMA MAKE YOUR BRAIN FEEL LOOPIER THAN USUAL 😃#OH AND YOU PROBABLY HAVE SEPSIS MY STEPSIS#this is a tangent train psa: stay healthy#fuchsia is my vent word for good things???#not really good but???#need another pink
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HI Uncle Nina <3 Can we hear about how your Rm!Style met as kids?
listen, you guys. i am SO excited for this!!! words cannot express how excited it makes me when i get to talk about the prequel, like they are sooo stikin' cute in the prequel!!! ilysm baby raven and jersey. MWAH!
*eldritchhorror!kenny!nina cracks knuckles n opens up a portal* okay girls, gays n gays, we're going on a field trip,
TO THE PAST!
( i’m chaotic bi ms. frizzle in the pink y2k hello kitty bus )
so, i gotta be honest, my friends, i don't know EXACTLY how old the boys are, but i am gonna say they are anywhere between 6-8 y/o. it's summer time and the broflovski's have just moved to southern park, colorado from sheila's hometown in new jersey...and have moved in right next door...to the marsh family, namely:
ravenstanley r.w. marsh.
who i am using as a primary narrator...FOR ONCE!
because to tell you this was the best day of his life was an goddamn understatement...to tell you that this changed his life, even, is a fkn understatement because this moment, this fateful day GAVE HIS ENTIRE LIFE MEANING. meeting kyle broflovski...was Everything.
again, it wasn't just like 'oh, this boy who moved next door to me is kinda cute, i might have a crush on him'
It Was Dead Serious, Guys.
a teeny tiny, itsy bitsy, ickle ravenstanley marsh heard a single loud, angry, brutal note of the kyle broflovski new jersey slaughterhouse and was immediately irreversibly head over heels IN LOVE with him.
fresh from jersey kyle asked stan if he could open his fresca and the man's synesthesia was flashing, spinning, ringing and dinging like he was playing the world's biggest slot machine and just hit JACKPOT.
and that was before he got a good look at him because...
Wooooowza. <3
all the hundreds of little freckles speckled over his skin like sun-stars, his big, beautiful curly red hair, his gorgeous, glowering mean, green eyes ravenstan was legitimately Breathtaken by kyle's beauty, omfg.
however, the funniest part abt all of this to me is that poor sweet pre!rm rae is legitimately having divine visions and hearing angelic choirs, meanwhile pre!rm jers is just staring blankly at this weird, giant-eyed freaky mouth-breathing rural colorado kid ( who ig is his neighbor now, smh ) that's just staring up at him and sweating and shaking and looks like he's having a Stroke.
edit: i forgot to describe what they looked like so know that ravenstan had come out of the house because his mom told him to say hi to the neighbors and help them with boxes and stuff, say hi to their son, etc.
i think his hair is shoulder length, but its in a lil ponytail, he's in randy's gigantic black sabbath t-shirt, probably has a gigantic edgy boy temp tattoo of a skull or a snake on his neck, smh, little like hot wheels, boy section of target-esqe stickers all over his face and arms, little other edgy elementary school boy marker tattoos on his arms because he literally has always been a rockstar.
meanwhile, jersey, in canon ncu baby kyle fashion, is wearing his gigantic kyle signature orange coat and green ushanka IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER because he is self conscious and sheila bought both on sale at the mall during summer when the winter stuff is all half up because she's a thrifty queen and wants him to get wear out of them and break them in...smh.
so he is sweating like hell and just wants to get his fresca open, which is very vintage and still comes in the bottle.
but regarding The Fresca Of Fate,
stan Does eventually ( open / it. )
...in the most chaotic, unhinged way possible, btw.
which is that baby ravenstan bites, rips and twists the cap off with his teeth like a feral fucking animal ( which i think happened because he was legitimately panicking like holy shit, what do i do, what the Fuck do i doooo?!?! i don't know how to get this open but the beautiful spotty boy w/ the perfect voice asked me to do it, so ¡oRALE! )
note: it is this party trick that he'd seen randy do a couple of times and just replicated, but totally ripped his lip open in the process, btw.
anyways, rae hands the fresca back to baby jersey and because he is a fkn idiot but also a superstar ( i love u raven ) shoots kyle the signature stanley marsh wink-peace sign-finger gun combo wombo.
and jersey is just SHOOK because that was, in fact, criminally insane, but also...kinda cool? and an oddly touching gesture because he could have just handed the bottle back or said go fuck yourself, new kid! because he didn't give a shit about this kid from next door and his parents were both busy...but wanted kyle to have his little drinky poo so bad that he literally busted his lip open turning into a can-opener for ky...and did the cutest, weirdest most awkward hand-sign ever.
tldr; it was brave and reckless and boyish and radiant. and kyle, who usually is highly disgusted by the germs of other people...finds that brings the lip of the fresca bottle to his with ease, sips his drink, which tastes like victory and probably a bit like cinnamon red hots, watches his weirdo neighbor give him the wink peace sign finger gun combo and is so weirdly endeared by this that he...
gives stan a rare kyle smile and even rarer kyle laugh. :’)
and this is so glorious and gorgeous to ravenstan that he literally cannot breathe, his heart is pounding in his chest, he is fkn shaking, goes to say something and immediately THROWS UP ALL OVER KYLE AND PASSES OUT. skhdlksahdsh HEEEEELP NO.
but yeah...that's how dad and dad met. please note that in canon ncu fashion ravenstan followed jersey around like a lovesick puppy, ignoring all of the kids trying to get his attention and play with him, desperate for kyle to acknowledge his existence for literally five seconds or accept his offer of being super best friends...
all the while, jerseykyle is trying to get away from him because he doesn't like other people, doesn't want to be friends, just wants to be left alone and be alone skhdld and is like weird kid with the giant eyeballs PLEASE FUCK OFF ( this does make stan fall more in love with him, stan i need you to go to therapy for the type of guys u like ) and this apathy and disinterest continues until...
stan takes the stark's pond hockey puck for him.
and suddenly, kyle's cold dead heart starts beating again, he sees ravenstan in the hospital recovering from slicing his face and mouth open again, who smiles so hard he RIPS his stitches open again, smh and from that moment on, they are Super Best Friends.
but both secretly want something more, legend says.
-uncle nina, obsessed with the prequel <3
#BRAAAAAAAAAAAAANCH IN MY EEEEEEEEEEEYE#sorry i have been dead silent guys when i tell u i have been so busy and so tired that i cannot keep my eyes open omg#but i wanted to give u some canopener lip lore#yes ravenstan still does this as a party trick#its extremely bad for ur teeth don't do it stan likes to be cool#he does not slice his lip open anymore thank goodness#management tells him hes really not supposed to because of the filling in his front tooth but ravenstan is a really bad listener#hi adhd smh#BUT NO LIKE HE IS SO INSANE HE WAS LIKE OH GOD OH FUCK MUST IMPRESS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE#MY NICE MOM IS INSIDE WITH PERFECT BOYS MOM#MY SCARY ASS DAD IS OUTSIDE WITH PERFECT BOYS SCARY DAD AND IM SCARED TO ASK HIM FOR ANYTHING#SO HERE WE GO JUST GONNA USE MY TEETH LMAO#he is insane but he is also a romantico king what can i say#the way kyle was just like...wow that was so weird but also why is my face kinda warm no boy has cared abt me like that#ALSO YES HE DOES THROW UP ON KYLE A LOT WHEN THEY ALMOST KISS MULTIPLE TIMES ITS A THEME#YES IT SUCKS also i love my ncu canon of baby stan being obsessed with kyle and slow burn tsundere kyle#being like fuck off and leave me alone u are so weird while the entire town is like stan marsh pls notice me HEEELP#MY! SONS!!!#but no after the hockey puck incident jersey was wooed#and they were both in secret gay crush on my sbf hell smh
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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one day my anxiety is going to kill me
#just nervous rambles before i leave the house ignore me i feel like talking#meine belastbarkeit? geht gegen null#but hey at least i no longer get proper anxiety/panic attacks#i used to have attacks when going to my therapist i couldn't go in we would have to go for a walk lest i feel like i was about to die#i did cried yesterday and nothing bad happened just me being a fucking baby and terrified of messing up#and now i feel so much trepidation of because today is another day to mess up#it helps to think of one of my dogs and how scared she wasof going to the vet (and of other things and how brave she was)#we would have to carry her through the entrance lest she vomit#and there was no way to sooth her and explain what was happening#she would be paralyzed and just let things happen#and it helps to think about that and how she made it through and how i know what is happening and yes it is scary#but it is good and it's growth and i've grown so much and that i can do it if she could do it#it's silly but it has actually helped#meins
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*sees a long post from an American comparing Cardassia to the USSR/China* *rolls eyes and keeps scrolling*
#cipher talk#It's not that I think those are bad comparisons#It's that I don't trust white American liberals to make them and when yall do it tends to leave a bad taste in my mouth#Kinda veers into orientalism (and yes this is a factor in how Americans and Western Europe views Russia for shitty reasons)#As well as a weird fascination combined with loathing towards leftists that's just gross to be around#I don't even especially like the USSR or some of China's policies post revolution#Including the tendency some people have toward Han supremacy#But Cardassia is a Mish mash of whatever is scary to white progressive men in the 90s#And includes inspiration from the Ottoman British and Japanese empires as well as the Nazis who were Not Communists#So primarily analyzing Cardassia as a communist nation really is just. Foolish? Because they're also compared to fascists#Especially because we don't ACTUALLY know anything about Cardassian economics or much detail about politics#We know they venerate the family (which rings true for Chinese Japanese and Ottoman comparisons)#We know they have a military led ruling class that tries to balance with the Detapa council; military ruling class is not really like#A communist thing it's a dictatorship/authoritarian/fascist thing. A lot of African countries have or had those#Almost none of us are 'communist' in a meaningful way. At best Nasser was a socialist and that's not the same#And you can infer there's classism even from alpha Canon as well as food insecurity#If anything I think a pretty pressing comparison to Cardassia as a whole is they're Turks.#And even that is vague and stretches a bit because they weren't DESIGNED with that much intention#They were designed to be scary and not with a specific ideology and economic policy#If they were designed with such specifics by a politically informed person you would NOT have references to the Nazis alongside references#To communism because those two things are actually the opposite economic/political policy#And the ways they commit atrocities such as genocide or extend neocolonial influence aren't the same!#China for example has a VERY different stance to the US when it does that to the point where many Africans vastly prefer#To deal with Chinese companies because there's a material benefit from it even though Africans are often not getting a good deal#This doesn't make those dealings 'good' but it goes to show how just having a political history recently rooted in communism#Impacts how a government approaches things#Any government unfortunately is capable of genocide colonialism and imperialism. Resistance to those things is not simple.
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I live in a tightly packed area and sometimes, because there's a pond that sits right up against my and my neighbor's property, random men (and women, but I only mind when it's men) decide to plop down in my yard and start fishing for the bluegill. I'm still working on my confrontation skills (a combination of intense female socialization, liberal midwestern 'mind your own business and look the other way' mindset, and autism that makes it a struggle to look people in the face during even the most normal of occasions) but I have recently found that bringing my dog outside on her leash and letting her bark and growl at them while frantically tugging on the leash to get to them does a great job of making them suddenly, conveniently, want to move a few yards down, and I don't have to say a word during it. In fact, staring silently at them makes it work even better!
#for anyone who is concerned#my pup has very good leash manners when they're enforced#she comes with me in public fairly frequently and has no issues with behaving herself#at the vet#the park#pet stores#the local pride event every summer#and on hiking trails#she knows my cues very well#she and I just have a routine which is 'anyone in our yard who I don't greet is fair game to heckle'#I think it's not great to discourage her from expressing distrust towards men#and so long as she's in our yard and the person she's barking at is unfamiliar and not a child#I encourage her to indulge herself in being the big scary guard dog#she has a bite history with men but honestly I cannot say I think that's a bad thing#since the guy she bit ignored me telling him not to touch her#and tried tackling her (he was a complete stranger who wanted to 'help me get my dog back inside')#(she was off leash. she didn't leave the yard and was just taking a quick lap 😭)#honestly I've started rewarding her when she starts barking and growling at men after I show signs of discomfort#I tense up when I take her outside and there's some guy in our yard and she starts snarling and yanking on the leash?#hell yeah puppy let's get you some bacon fat
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