#and it's not like i can't go get a job. i should go get a fucking job

[catgirltoofies]

link shortening

okay. let me tell you one of my pet peeves. it's when you send a link to something and the link takes up a full paragraph. amazon is especially egregious with this; as an example, i'm going to use the sweet essentials goat milk & honey perfume. here's the link i get if i just copy/paste it:

https://www.amazon.com/Goat-Honey-Fragrance-Perfume-Organic/dp/B07D5N4XRP/ref=sr_1_1?crid=368RN4BTXC5R9&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.0tHv-eu2F7iPFRQB2q9yXdLcYOv4rURViCCRfaecKCxZGmUW01KbdXZU3Q1GrGr9CUE97ZgO2tqSFilCtwDhBDwZrkPHvIwyX3KwtbHn1H2BjGo6Kv2RNKzHD4vUn6cdGQvpxat_DCpR1LJaDNrxuYElr7x_GZHixDS4r3SWdrQ67ov2O0MBOQ3F7vH9sclQyOCOsPB-xuzdAbugWTjAw7PODjXTSswWuLJG56uZkMUaJ5ob8xIEy6tpHvu21E8uYKJtnWdyGBoK5Wd5mo7S3urQt-rJX9twnr3RwS0Kk_s.kW9z0gieuOP4prMF2tSrHmrMuB8XObk-xguJ8Cub1YI&dib_tag=se&keywords=sweet+essentials+goat+milk+and+honey+perfume&qid=1726618258&sprefix=sweet+essentials+goat+milk+and+honey+perfume%2Caps%2C58&sr=8-1

do you see this shit? that link is longer than my introduction paragraph. and most of it is totally unnecessary and just gives amazon tracking data. so i'm going to quick breakdown the link:

https://www.amazon.com/ is the domain. this tells your browser to go to the internet, to amazon's address. can't do without.

Goat-Honey-Fragrance-Perfume-Organic/dp/B07D5N4XRP/ is the sort of directory. this is where the meat of the link is; it gives the browser the information of where in the amazon domain it should look for what you're looking for. sort of like when you ask a librarian where a book is and they say "it's in this area of the library, i can show you if you like"

every single thing after that is optional. most, if not all, of it is just tracking data that tells amazon who looked it up, how, where they found it, etc. etc. and you can totally safely remove it.

so, our final, shortened link is:

https://www.amazon.com/Goat-Honey-Fragrance-Perfume-Organic/dp/B07D5N4XRP/

and you can test it for yourself, both the really long link and this nice clipped link lead to the same page. this is generally applicable to most websites; if a link feels a little too long, experiment and start removing bits off the end. generally anything that shows up after "?[text]=" is probably safe to remove, as with "&[text]=". sometimes those have particular jobs, though; for example, youtube links with a particular timestamp will include "&t=[number]s" and while removing this will keep the link to the video, it will remove the timestamp. similarly, youtube sometimes uses "&v=[text]" to encode the id of a video, so without that you're left with just the youtube homepage. if a link has "?si=[text]", that's all safe to remove, because that's pure tracking data.

in short: clip your links. don't give them any more than you need to. experiment a little. have fun and be yourself. i love you

[enviedear]

HONEY DON'T FEED IT, IT WILL COME BACK

₊ ⊹ JASON TODD

in which working undercover alongside your ex-boyfriend feels like cruel and unusual punishment. like a feral hound—he keeps coming back into your life.

CW | ex!jason, petty old lovers, miscommunication (prior), reader riling him up, cursing, and somewhat ambigous ending (somewhat). 1.7k words. 🎧ྀི

you have to stop letting yourself get involved with JASON TODD. two years ago, fine. but now, you know better. or you should.

working with him is entirely different than being with him—or that’s what you tell yourself. at least vigilantism allows you to ignore his jeers to focus on dodging attacks, rush ahead of him when he tries to bring up the past, or turn off your comms if he grates on you too much.

unfortunately, you can't pull any of your normal tactics this time. not for this job.

you thought the undercover gig selina offered you was a 'one night only' sort of thing, not an entire week. Your mind could never have conjured spending seven painfully awkward days in a honeymoon suite playing blushing newlyweds with your somehow everpresent ex-boyfriend. either way, your current situation is aggravating beyond whatever you're getting paid for this.

besides his usual mouthing off and brooding, jason's been tolerable. like a bad dog gone old, not sweet—but just tired enough not to bite. you’re so unused to jason being docile, it almost aches. and maybe that's why you've been so...unruly.

unruly enough to snag yourself a date while undercover. you knew it was stupid before you did it, but said yes the minute your eyes latched onto jason's. it was the most of a rise you'd be able to get out of him the entire job. it had felt vindicated in the moment. but you played an idiotic hand, his cards trumping yours. for split second he reacted, but just as quickly as it had appeared—it vanished.

he was good at keeping his calm in public, when he had to. but he always boiled over eventually. always saved for private places and so intense. he can’t help it, you think, being so much. he has to let it out, like a poison.

his composure faded for that split second when you both entered back into the suite, voice low, snide, and angry—all to fizzle out with a huff. "go on your stupid fuckin' date. ruin the whole mission. i don't care."

he had said it so nonchalantly. as if merely speaking to you was utterly beneath him. such a reaction was new. in the year you dated him, and the two years that have followed, you've known jason to get mad. you expect it. you can always count on being able to push his buttons just enough. hell, he could count on doing the exact same to you. but the silence that followed his words, the calm way he sauntered off into the bathroom—that completely destroyed whatever game you'd built up in your head.

you got ready in spite of his strange behavior. did your hair, pulled out one of your prettiest dresses, and dabbed on a perfume he had bought you, still half full and primarily only used for special occasions. you left the room with a slam of the door.

the date was terrible to say the very least. he was loud and with a penchant to only discuss himself or his sports betting. you left before you could get your entrée, making up an excuse and promising to definitely reschedule. too embarrassed to return so soon, you took your time getting back to the hotel. three stops and one impulse purchase of a street hotdog later, you stepped back into your honeymoon suite. a cruel fate.

jason's in the bed, propped up with fluffy white pillows and ignoring you, reading an absolutely tattered hardcover. you neglect to break the silence, opting to take your makeup off in the bathroom. your waterproof mascara peels on your lashes, and you can only take so many seconds of scrubbing before you give up.

you pace around the room a bit, lost in thought as you remove your jewelry. you feel undeniably silly for risking your cover for a vengeful and shitty date. selfishly, you still blame jason for it. maybe if he hadn't whispered, "don't mess this up, act like you like me. people are watching." at a couple's excursion, or on a group hike after you laughed at one of his jokes and he muttered, "not too much, it's not real."

he was always on edge and he took everything so personally. the last two years have been a constant competition with him. a brutal tug of war that neither of you can seem to win. where he goes low, you're ready to go lower.

you're broken out of your trance by a firm grip on your wrist, followed by jason's gruff voice, "stop putting your shit on my side."

you look at him baffled, "it's just earrings. sorry i didn't want to crawl all over you to put them on my nightstand."

"save us both alot of trouble if you just didn't wear 'em." he mutters, grip loosing on your wrist. his eyes don’t leave yours, and there's an eerie firmness in his stare.

you yank yourself away fully and glare down at him, "i wasn't aware my existence bothered you so much."

jason rolls his celadon colored irises, "existing doesn’t bother me. you messing with everything does."

there's a beat of silence. you’re not sure what to say back. there's a dissonance now—and it's too quiet. it feels wrong. you wait for the sardonic retort, the simmering anger under the surface. instead, he sits back relaxed, casually tossing his book aside.

"you went on that date to get under my skin, didn’t you?" his brows narrow and his voice is rough, but there's no fire behind it, just resignation.

"does it matter?" you fire back, crossing your arms over your chest. "you said you didn’t care, remember?"

"yeah, well, i lied." he admits, his eyes finally meeting yours fully, the weight of his words lingering in the space between you.

you stand frozen for a moment, caught off guard by the confession. you’re so used to his biting remarks, the endless back-and-forth. this is new—too straightforward, too honest.

“you lied?” you repeat with an inflection, unsure whether to believe him or not. this could easily be another one of his plays, another way to draw you in and then shove you back out again. the cycle.

he huffs, running a hand through his messy hair before sitting up straighter, hands falling to his thighs. “yeah, i lied. big shocker, huh?” there’s a hint of sarcasm, but it’s mostly exasperation. he’s tired, as if he's finally had enough of the game.

you don’t know exactly what to say. so many little fights, all the times you both pushed and pulled, trying to get a reaction out of each other—it all feels hollow now. the tension’s still there, but it’s shifted, less sharp, and more fragile.

“why?” the earnest question slips out before you can stop it. you don’t know if you’re asking about his lie or why he’s admitting it now, but you ask regardless. too nervous to try and make yourself more clear.

his eyes flick up to meet yours, and for once, there’s no mask, literal or physical. just jason. your jason.

“because i do care,” he mutters, almost begrudgingly, like the words are the most difficult thing he's ever faced. “i always fuckin’ care, and that’s the problem, isn’t it? you think i don’t give a damn, but i do. too much, probably.”

jason never talks like this—had never. never let down his walls in this way. perviously the most you got was a huff and a murmured "i'm heading out".

like he’s cracked open a door that’s been locked for years, you’re both standing on opposite sides, unsure of whether to step through or slam it shut.

“then why do you act like this?” you ask, voice softer but still confused. “why do you make everything so hard?”

his lips press into a thin line, and he exhales sharply. “because it’s easier to be pissed off at you than admit how much i miss you. how much i hate seeing you with someone else, even if he's a fuckin' loser.”

“jason—” you start, unsure of what to truly say. a mixture of slight annoyance and reverence sit in your chest, your mind spinning to find the right words, “do you mean this? or are you jealous? because i’m not going to start this up again just for you to push me away when it starts getting serious.”

his eyes narrow, despite himself, “see? much easier when i’m just pissed off at you.” he shakes his head, sighing, “of course i fuckin’ mean it. i don’t lie to you. never have, sweetheart.”

you're still staring him down, the last of your resolve fading out, "you're serious?"

he tilts his head back, eyes closing, "for once, yeah."

you move to sit beside him on the bed, watching your legs bounce instead of replying. jason sits up straighter, and you can see him staring down at you from your peripheral. he's fiddling with his thumbs, a trait you associate with him muddling over his thoughts. probably contemplating exactly what you are: where to go from here?

his fingers brush against yours and he clears his throat, "i don't expect anything. hell—you don't have to want anything to do with me after this." he pulls his hand away from yours slightly, "i'm an ass. i've been angry for... well, a long time. but mostly at myself, for fucking it up with you. and i wanted to tell you."

you take his hand in yours, not missing the way he freezes up at first. still shocked by your comfort. you take a breath before you look up at him, "thank you," you start with what's easiest. "i like it when you care, when you tell me."

he hums, staring down at your interlocked hands.

"i've missed you too, jason. it's no fun pretending i don't." you keep your tone gentle.

a second follows, and then the dam breaks. jason leans into you, resting his head against your shoulder. such a simple gesture, but so unlike jason todd. there's nothing inherently romantic about it, and it's not desperate or solemn—merely human. human vulnerability so rarely displayed willingly.

you don't pull away. you could, and you know you could. but no part of you wants to. you're perfectly fine to sit like this forever. it soothes you in a way you weren't aware you needed soothing.

there's no fight left in either of you, at least none for each other. there's no kissing and making up, no loud voices and slammed doors—nothing like how it once was. just a sincere conversation and baby steps, but in truth, it's the closest you've come to reconciliation in years. and it feels good, healthy—saccharine.

you don't make any promises, nothing set in stone, but you stay like that for a long time. soaking in each other's presence. and when sleep becomes unavoidable, it's jason's arms you ease into.

[strawbuddy-luv]

Trans Tim off handedly mentioning random things that just confuse people more and more because he never told them he was trans (only Bruce and Alfred know)

Tim: "For the mission I'm thinking I'll go undercover, but it'll take some work to hide the bruises I got earlier. They're everywhere"

Dick: "Oh I think Steph is free right now!"

Tim: "...Ok?"

Dick: "Don't worry I'm sure she'll help you out with this! "

Tim: "That's awesome but I don't think I'll need help. I know how to use makeup."

Dick: "Really-? Ohhh, yeah your public image is like, way more public than ours. That must be tiring, having to hide the bruises all the time."

Tim: "Well yeah but I knew how to use makeup before that. For like, galas as a kid and stuff"

Dick: "...yeah..."

-----

Steph: -Complaining about a man- "And then he said "Oh you should smile more" like "you look like you don't want to be here" like what- what the fuck-??? Maybe I fucking don't dude."

Tim: "Oh yeah I hate when they do that. Like you've spent the entire time bitching about the consistency of snails, I can close my mouth for a few seconds."

Steph: "..."

Tim: "...What-?"

Steph: "Well- I mean yeah but- you know I have to deal with it like...way more, and it's just a bit weird that like, you as a guy are, I dunno, trying to relate? I mean you don't have to deal with it litreally everyday"

Tim: "Well yeah not anymore, but, you know...I still did."

Steph: :...What-"

-----

Tim: -Resting against on of the rooftop ledges-

Jason: "Woah, I can't believe it, Red Robin, slacking. What would Bruce do if he saw this!"

Tim: "Fuck off, it's just period cramps. I was just heading to the fire in the Dimond District." -Jumps off the edge of the building-

Jason: "Yeah whatever Timblina...

Your fucking what-"

-----

Bruce: "And for this mission, we'll be needing someone for the Caroline disguise, but we already know who that is so-"

Dick: "Wait does Steph actually know how to fight in heels-??"

Bruce: "...N-"

Steph: "Yeah Bruce, I mean, you could at least actually ask me before volunteering me to go fight crime in that dress."

Bruce: "You-"

Jason: "I mean no offense, but literally who else would do it? Cass isn't here right now and I don't think any of us are willing to get a boob job for the mission"

Bruce: "No one's getting a boob job-"

Steph: "Yeah! This is bat tech, Bruce probably has ultra realistic titties in everyone's color and size! Jason you wouldn't even need an attachment."

Jason: "I don't think Caroline Hills has fifty gun shot wounds and muscles the size of most those guys heads."

Steph: "Yeah bu-"

Bruce: "None of that will be necessary because none of you" -Pointing at the right side of the table- "Will be going. No one at this table will be needing any prosthetics...Or boob jobs."

Steph: "...Ok but who the fuck is going then-"

Bruce: "Tim."

The entire table: "..."

Steph: "Tim are you really willing to put on boobs for this-"

Dick: "I don't think that's the best idea-"

Jason: "You just said no prosthetics- Oh this'll be fucking rich"

Tim: "...

I...wouldn't need a boob job?? Or prosthetics?"

Jason: "Timbo, that dress is a pretty low cut, and, no offense, your training hasn't given you that many enhancements."

Tim: "...Thank you for the binding compliment?"

Dick: "The what-"

Tim: "Guys I- I already have boobs-"

The Table: "..."

Steph: "WHAT-"

Dick: "You do-?!"

Jason: "Bruce if you made Tim get boobs for some weird mission-"

Tim: "What- No! No one made me get boobs??? Besides, I don't know, biology I guess??? Genetics maybe???"

Dick: "...I'm extremely confused"

Steph: "WHO GAVE YOU BOOBS-???"

Tim: "I'm not really sure seeing as I was born with them"

Dick: "...

OHHHHHH-"

Steph: "What- is this like a birth defect or something???"

Dick: "Tim- Tim I think you're just gonna have to-"

Tim: "I'm trans."

Jason: "...That's-

Yeah

Ok yeah no that- that explains...a lot."

Steph: "..." -Head in hands- "I am such a fucking idiot"

[rinhaler]

And if I Change My Mind it's Far Too Late

All you want to do is celebrate your best friends birthday. But you can't even find him. Why are things so weird tonight?

✧˖*°࿐: 18+ only, no minors.    ✧. ┊ best friend!rin itoshi x f!reader

Genre: friends2lovers ++ porn !! Notes: I'm so late for rinnie's birthday I suck lmao !! enjoy tho Warnings: 18+, fem!reader, drug use!(weed), dubcon, slight shotgunning?, friends to lovers ♡, rin is angsty!, weed paranoia, love bites ♡, dacryphilia ♡, pet names (princess, baby, sweetheart) ♡, he licks ur messy panties, makeshift gag on u! (the panties), spit + drool, pussy eating ♡, fingering, slight hair pulling, overstimming ♡, calls ur pussy 'she' ♡, reader is a crybaby ♡, spanks ur pussy once !, oral fixation, praise ♡, use of 'good girl' ♡, slight degradation (slut), pussy job ♡, vaginal sex, mating press, dumbification ♡, creampie ♡. Words: 13.3k

—

He isn’t here.

I don’t know where he is, but he isn’t here.

Sae Itoshi’s words have been rattling around your brain for the last thirty minutes. It’s late, late enough that the night sky above you is nought but a black abyss. The city lights pollute the infinite void above you and scare the stars enough to dim their shine.

Not a single twinkle can be seen as your feet come together and you look up, almost craving an answer from the heaven’s. All you receive in turn is an obsidian silence.

There’s a pang of dread writhing through your body as you continue to roam the desolate streets, weaving through alleyways as you see stores and restaurants that have been abandoned for the evening as the proprietor’s rest and recuperate for the day to follow. When the streets are lit by a blue sky and blazing sun and showcase a slew of potential customers that can be invited in to shop, or sit and gorge themselves on a sickly sweet dessert or a hearty meal.

It's 2am.

Everyone should be safely indoors, whether sleeping soundly or curled up with a hot drink and a cosy book; or even the sound of fictitious characters chattering about nothing in particular as a blue light from a screen fills the room and helps the audience feel a little less alone.

That’s what you should be doing.

Letting a false reality consume you in the safety of your own home instead of walking through the city like this. You have a cake in your hand and a balloon wrapped around your wrist, you’ve never felt lonelier.

A group of men emerge from an alleyway and your heart freezes. You know that you shouldn’t be out at night, alone. But nothing happens. A mere glance in your direction before they continue on their way, and you emit a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding.

That stab of fear is the catalyst to convince you to go home, turning on your heel as you start walking in the direction of your apartment. Your strides become brisker as you think about being followed. Your mind intent on terrifying you despite nothing really happening.

It’s the terror of the dark, the unknown of that abyssal sky.

Is this the same view that Rin has, right now? You wonder if he’s cold, blanketed in the bitterness of the Autumn air with the same paranoia wracking through your body and bubbling beneath your skin as you traverse through the city.

He could be anywhere, after all.

He isn’t here.

I don’t know where he is, but he isn’t here.

It hurts as you reflect on all of the text messages you’d sent him leading up to your visit. Sae looked less than pleased to see you at such an unholy hour. In hindsight, you should have just stayed home. But you had the grandiose idea to surprise him and spend the night with him, despite not being invited.

It wouldn’t be a surprise if you were.

You assumed he was asleep when you didn’t receive a reply. But now it seems he’s actively ignoring you. You don’t think you’ve done anything wrong, though you suppose you’ll never know until he decides to get in touch.

Sae’s befuddled expression is cemented in your mind as you recall him drinking in the sight of you despite being irritated that you showed up unannounced. The way you stood with the cake and balloon must have surprised him, but you didn’t let it dissuade you.

“It’s a birthday tradition.”

“You’ve only known him for three months, how can you have a—”

“How do you think traditions get started? There’s always a first.”

He rolled his eyes at you, hard. But despite his desperate attempt of hiding it, there was an obvious smirk on his face as you spoke. It was childish, but charming, hearing you say something so innocent so brazenly. And still, his brief enchantment from your declaration couldn’t alter the facts.

He isn’t here.

I don’t know where he is, but he isn’t here.

It makes you worry that he’s grown tired of you. It isn’t like he wanted to be your friend, anyway. You forced that title upon him, and he just decided not to reject you.

That must count for something at least.

You think so, anyway.

He’s been in your life for a mere three months, and still, you can’t imagine your days without him in it anymore. You started working in the music section of a department store four months ago, and Rin was hired just a month later.

What he lacks in desire to communicate with anyone, he makes up for in his musical knowledge. You can’t fathom why else he was hired. A few of the other applicants might have been better suited, but you think your manager might have believed Rin to be the least trouble. He’s reserved and does his job well.

Immediately, you were instructed to show him the ropes despite only having a month’s extra experience at your disposal. Your boss had trained you, but seemed he was too lazy to offer the same to Rin. Why explain himself twice when he can just make you do it?

You don’t begrudge him, though. It gave you an excuse to talk to him, after all. He slowly but surely began to let you in, not that you gave him much choice. You’d always greet him excitedly as your workday began together, or you’d bring him his favourite coffee if you started a little later.

The possibility of a workplace crush wasn’t lost on you, but that’s all it was. It wasn’t obvious enough for him to comment on, or perhaps he simply didn’t care. After a few weeks of working with him, you thought he must be used to it. He was never short of female attention, despite never feeding into it.

He might find it easy to ignore when he receives it so often. You didn’t outwardly flirt with him. You were just a little nicer to him than your other colleagues. It became clear he wasn’t interested, though. You assumed he simply didn’t find you attractive or maybe he already had a girlfriend.

The latter, now, you know isn’t the case and now you… have a boyfriend… of your own. You’re happy to just be friends with him, you get along well. Even though he’s so blasé, you have fun with him at work.

You smirk when girls enter expecting to do nothing more than browse, and then they wind up listening to him explain facts about different bands they obviously aren’t interested in. He doesn’t even realise they’re fawning over him as they end up losing themselves to the allure of his dulcet tones and the glimmer of his dreamy teal eyes.

He’ll ring them up with a record and hand them a receipt, and you’ve lost count of how many times they give the receipt back with their phone numbers scribbled on. He always pockets them, carelessly, until given the opportunity to discard of them.

“You aren’t gonna call her?” you’d ask.

“I did my job, why would I need to call her?”

His monotone speech always leaves you wondering the truth.

Is he truly oblivious to it, or is he just pretending to be?

Your approach at work, however, is different. While he ignores flirting, you welcome it. Selling records isn’t a difficult task, people browsing often know what they want. And still, older men love talking down to you. It’s a daily occurrence when you’re on the clock, they get off on it. You aren’t sure how Rin feels about it, he seldom interferes.

You’ll flutter your lashes and flaunt your chest as a man whose wife doesn’t appreciate him anymore ogles you and tells you a thing or two, or ten, about his favourite bands that: “You’ve probably never heard of.”

The light in their eye is evident as their cocks stir in their pants while you pout and nod along to whatever they tell you. You throw a few compliments and act clueless as they prattle on and on. And, it’s funny how unique and profound they think they are for liking specific bands they’re certain you know nothing about.

And, sure, maybe the first dozen times you were a little out of your depth. But the more lecherous customers you got, the more you realised, they all listen to the same shit and you could probably recite the things they want to say to you right back at them.

You don’t, though, you remain compliant and interested and so wholly enthralled in them. Because that is how you make sales. Letting a sad old man think a hot young thing half their age is even a little interested in them. It’s easy, and it works. It’s easy to manipulate someone when you pretend they’re the coolest and most intriguing customer you’ve had all day.

Rin has spoilt a few sales for you since he started but it never dampens your mood. He doesn’t do it intentionally, of course, and it always leaves you grinning or snickering at the expense of the poor sap who thought you were putty in his hand.

You know a little about music, your taste has certainly broadened since you began working here. But Rin is almost entirely responsible for that. You know a little, but Rin knows a lot. And while you’re flirting up a storm, if you’re in close proximity to Rin, he’ll join in on the conversation. The older men tend to avoid him because somehow he happens to know the same, if not more, about the music they think they know everything about.

Somehow, Rin possesses more musical prowess than they could ever dream of, despite their age. He’s younger, but he’ll have more passion in him than they ever will.

You admire him, truly.

You like music, but Rin loves it. 

When the store is empty, he’ll introduce you to music you’d never heard and smile when he finds something you know you’ll be listening to on your walk home. And in turn you’d play pop songs you assumed he’d hate but he’d actually compliment and enjoy. He isn’t pretentious, he doesn’t think one genre is better than another.

He just loves music.

You think about your shifts together as you continue to head home. Maybe he has more interest in those girls than he lets on. Maybe that’s where he is right now. There’s a chance he isn’t being pulled into the all-consuming dread of the night sky like you. He’s hooking up as a birthday treat. You find your thoughts spiralling, wondering what type of girls he’s into and what it would take to be the girl that Rin Itoshi finds worthy of a chance.

And soon enough, you jolt as you feel your phone buzz against your hip. It’s sitting snuggly in the pocket of your sweatpants. The string from the balloon begins to pull and twang as it bounces from your wrist, you skilfully transfer the cake you’re holding in one hand to the other as you fish it out of your pocket.

Before you can fully digest the push notification of a spam email on your home screen, your screensaver is plunged into darkness. Your eyes widen as you’re met with an accept and decline button from an incoming call. You aren’t sure how to feel when you see Rin Itoshi in bold letters at the top of the screen. Relief flows through you, but so does worry.

And still, you answer.

“Hey.” he says, plainly. He isn’t the type of person you’re used to having phone calls with. You know he’s more of a texter, though his responses are dry. It’s enough to make plans and communicate with him easily.

“Hey…” you say, trailing off. It feels ominous. A call at 2am out of the blue from a guy that’s been ignoring you while you’re walking through the city is bound to leave you a little anxious. The sooner you get home, the better. “… Happy birthday.” you say, even now, there’s a smile on your face. It’s small, but he hears it.

“Thanks.” he says, coolly. You can’t fathom why he’d call you if he doesn’t actually want to talk to you. “You already said it at midnight, though.”

“Yeah… I wanted to say it again. You didn’t reply.” you remind him, gently. A beat of silence goes by before he speaks again.

“I know,” he responds, quietly. “I’m at the skate park.”

“Oh.” you say, not having expected that response. But, thinking about it now, it seems far more obvious than him hooking up with a random girl. You clear your throat, standing outside of your apartment as you find a way to continue the conversation. “… are you having fun?”

“I guess.” he tells you, clearing his throat. “Sae said you came over.”

“Y-Yeah, sorry. I didn’t know you weren’t home. It was… dumb.”

“It’s fine,” he says calmly. You can’t help but wonder if he agrees that it’s dumb or not, though it’s a fruitless thought to have. You know Rin well enough to know he won’t elaborate. You begin to pace back and forth, your heart pounding as you wait for the inevitable end of the conversation. “Come over.”

You stop, again, unsure if you heard him right. The smile on your face begins to widen as you hear him say it in your mind again and again. He wants you there, he wants to spend the early hours of his birthday with you.

The skatepark isn’t far from where you live. A ten minute walk, fifteen at most. Though with the pep in your step as you begin to head over there, you wouldn’t be surprised if you make it there in five.

“Are you sure?” you ask, in spite of it being too late. He’s already extended the invite and you’ll be there in no time flat. You can’t help but feel strange about the entire situation, though. It’s almost eerie how things are panning out. First he was ignoring your texts and now he’s calling you for the first time in a long time and inviting you to hang out.

“Wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to see you.” he informs you. You feel your face begin to warm up, and you bite your lip in appreciation. “It’s dark, I’m by the half pipe.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a few. Bye.”

He doesn’t say it back, simply ending the call as you venture towards your destination. The orange tint of the city soon becoming a distant memory as you nervously approach the outskirts of town.

—

The sound of wheels rolling against the wooden half pipe is louder than anything you’ve heard before as you approach. You don’t say anything, wondering if he’ll see you despite it being pitch black. You look up at the sky as you get closer, the light pollution has become a fast-fading memory as the stars dazzle a little brighter now.

His actions begin to slow as you approach, the wheels stopping completely as he finally sees you. He looks at you, carefully, shielding his eyes from the outer glow from the distant streetlights surrounding your body. One eye scrunches closed until you stand beside him. He towers above you, intimidating you with little effort. He tries to soften his expression, but his eyes struggle to adjust.

“Happy birthday… again.”

“Thanks, again.” he smiles a little. “You even got cake… Did you bring anything to eat it with?”

“No, because I thought you’d be at home. Why are you even—”

“It’s fine, I can take it home.” he tells you, taking the cake from your grip before you can react.

He sets it down on the ground, gesturing for you to follow him as he walks a little up the curve. You follow him, and he effortlessly raises you by your hips until you’re sitting comfortably on the flat surface. You’re thankful it’s so dark, you hope he’s unable to see how flustered you’ve become. You pout as you attempt to take shallow breaths and sweat begins to bead at your hairline.

You compose yourself as he hands the cake back to you, and he hoists himself up to sit by your side. He watches you as you shuffle your body, facing him head on with your legs crossed, and he immediately follows suit.

“A cake and a balloon, you went all out.” he says nonchalantly. You aren’t sure how to react until you see a slight smile play on his lips.

“I didn’t get you a gift.”

“That’s okay, this is more than you needed to do.” he explains. You move the cake out of your way before sliding closer to him, you untie the balloon from your own wrist and attach it to his. You can tell he wants to object, but you feel slight a slight note of pity emanating from him as you proceed.

He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

“How long do I have to keep this on for?” he wonders.

“The entire day, you’ve gotta sleep with this on.” you tease him, he laughs a little in turn before it falls deathly silent again. You shuck the little backpack you’ve been wearing off before opening the front compartment, rummaging through it to find what you’re searching for. “I didn’t bring candles… but maybe this can count for your gift.” you start.

He watches you, smirking happily as you retrieve a blunt and a lighter from your bag. You move the backpack aside and pull the cake closer. He continues to stare as you remove the plastic covering from the entirely chocolate cake, taking it from your hands as you hold the blunt between your lips. You light it, taking a hard drag before gently exhaling. His eyes close softly as you aim directly for his face, backing away slightly out of the line of fire. He opens them again, though, watching as you poke the blunt through the centre of the cake. The orange embers still burning as the wind blows.

“… Oh that’s gonna be gross if any ash gets on it.” you laugh. “It was a cute idea in my head.”

“Yeah, it’ll be disgusting.” he reiterates, quickly pulling the joint out from the middle before perching it between his lips. “This tastes like chocolate now.”

“That was my plan all along.” you grin. He takes a few more drags as you place the plastic packaging back over the cake, setting it aside once more. You reach your hand out as he hands it back to you, the balloon attached to him lagging along with him.

You can’t put a finger on why things seem to be so awkward between you. Maybe there’s a lingering feeling of hurt as you contemplate why he didn’t respond to your texts. It’s taking everything in you to not wish him a happy birthday for the fourth time.

Instead, you fuel the silence by smoking more and more. It’s not the strongest stuff you’ve ever had, but there’s a second one in your bag so you don’t feel guilty about smoking more than you probably should. He doesn’t say anything, and you’ve decided to keep your eyes firmly closed in a bid to ignore how weirdly uncomfortable things seem to be.

“Oh!” you exclaim, eyes shooting open quickly. It almost scares Rin, his body froze for a moment but you hadn’t realised in your excitement. “Did you make a wish?”

“What?” he raises an eyebrow, perplexed. It’s scary how similar he and his brother look. It’s the same expression Sae had offered you when you arrived at his apartment tonight.

“When you smoked… because it’s like your candle. So you should make a wish!” you explain, but you’re met with a continuous stare as he seems to be trying to unfurl the mess that is your train of thought. It makes perfect sense in your mind, but given his expression, you wonder if you just spoke another language. His incredulity fades and is soon replaced by an amused sneer.

“Are you high already?” he laughs.

“Oh… maybe. It has been a while.” you giggle.

Soon enough, you’re both laughing uncontrollably. Tears begin to stream down your face, and it only makes him laugh harder. And the sight of him so utterly entertained makes you laugh harder. It’s so rare to see him smile, let alone laugh. It’s hurting your stomach; you hold your sides as you allow yourself to fall backwards and carry on cackling.

“This— I didn’t think— It wasn’t supposed to be strong!” you struggle to explain, immediately bursting into laughter once again. He tries to keep composed but is soon laughing alongside you. He combs his fingers through his hair before using the sleeves of his hoodie to wipe away his own tears.

“It’s not. You’re just a lightweight.” he notes. He slowly moves, allowing his back to rest against the metal framing before throwing his hood up, tucking his knees into his chest. He’s still smiling, though, your silly outburst still at the forefront of his mind.

You sit upright again, your laughter finally beginning to subside as you look at him. His smile fades as yours does. And now, you’re both nervous. What went wrong? Why are things so weird? And then, you feel it brewing. Regardless of how badly you want to choke it down, you can’t seem to help yourself.

“Happy birthday.” you almost whisper, echoing his body language as you lean against the railing nearest to you. He scoffs lightly, but with a wide, cheesy grin on his face before looking at you again.

“You’ve said it four times now. I think you’re happier about my birthday than I am.”

“I think I am, too.” you giggle, biting your lip again as you look down at your knees. You quickly shake it away, remembering where you are and who you’re with. “I’ve been looking forward to this all day.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know! I love being friends with you, Rin. And I’ve been excited to celebrate today with you. And we get to do it from pretty much the start!”

He goes quiet, scratching the back of his neck as he looks away uncomfortably. You gulp, nervously, almost retreating into your own body as you hug your legs tightly. He can barely bring himself to look at you, though you see his eyes occasionally flicker to the ever shortening blunt in your hand.

That’s when you decide to approach him, crawling towards him on your hands and knees like a demure, weak kitten desperate for approval. You hold it out for him, and he accepts it, slowly. You sit beside him, your legs touching as you look out to the distant city. It’s beautiful, from here. It looks so lively.

“… Why did you come here, tonight?” you wonder, hoping a gentle probe will provide some kind of insight to his mental state.

Your head slowly rotates as you look at him. Even in the darkness, his eyes shimmer brilliantly. Instead of anything of substance, though, his shoulders merely shrug. You decide not to pry any further. He isn’t the type you can force information out of, he’ll only give it willingly.

You know that well, even with only knowing him for three months. And because of that, your heart skips a beat as you hear him take a shallow breath, clearly wrestling with telling you something. Anything that may make things clearer to you.

“I— I suppose I had a feeling,” he pauses, taking another drag before letting his head thud gently backwards against the metal railing. “You were gonna try and do something like this.”

“… I didn’t know you would be so against it. I’m sorry.”

“No it’s fine,” he continues. “It doesn’t matter, we’re here now. Thank you for the balloon, and the cake. And this.” he says as he gestures to the blunt in his hand.

You feel a little at ease, now. Without saying a lot he’s said enough. Knowing the type of guy that Rin Itoshi is, you should have known he wouldn’t want anyone to make a fuss about his birthday. He’s reserved and low key, he’s an introvert, of course he wouldn’t want a fuss for his birthday.

And still, there’s a gnawing unease.

You’re a little forceful with your friendship, and you’re under no illusions that it’s likely annoying for him. But he’s never outright ignored you before. He holds no issue with telling you when you’re bothering him or he wants to be left alone, you’d never push his buttons on purpose.

But tonight…

There’s a tension between you that you can’t seem to place, and he seems intent on ignoring.

“… Rin?” you start. “Why did you ignore my texts?”

He shuffles uncomfortably, you even hear him clear his throat before taking another drag. And after he exhales, it’s followed by a disappointed sigh. Your anxiety spikes. What have you done wrong? It must be something to make him act like this. It’s so out of character to the Rin you know.

But maybe that’s the problem.

You barely know him.

Maybe this is the Rin you don’t know.

“… Do we have to discuss this now?”

—

You’ve almost forgotten where you are.

You’ve almost forgotten who you’re with as the calmness envelops you.

There’s a palpable tension between the two of you that you can’t seem to pinpoint or address. You’re high, stupidly so. And still logical enough to not poke the angsty bear that is Rin Itoshi. You’ve been lying on your back, admiring the starry sky as you contemplate why things are the way they are with your favourite co-worker.

He’s more than that, though.

You think he might be your best friend.

Is there a set amount of time that needs to be spent before addressing him as such? Three months doesn’t feel like a lot, but the time you’ve known him hasn’t just been shifts.

The days you’d meet him at work soon turned into times you’d spend commuting there with him. Instead of taking the bus home you’d walk with him. When you’d bring him coffee he’d start to return the favour by buying you your favourite snacks from the bakery.

Instead of walking near your apartment he’d walk you all of the way to the door. And eventually, he’d come in. After the first time he accidentally fell asleep on your couch, he’d spend the night purposefully. You’ve spent countless nights getting high together at your place, and soon enough you’d be doing the same at his apartment.

You didn’t know what a big deal it was that he introduced you to his older brother until he told you how strained their relationship had been in the past. But they live together, now, and they seem fine. Whether Sae likes you is still up for debate, but he’s joined in when you’re getting stoned together in the front room and arguing with his brother about which music you should play. Their tastes are similar, but things vary when getting down to the specifics.

Their parents taste has affected their own, Rin favouring his mother’s whilst Sae prefers his father’s.

Three months ago you could barely pry his name out of him. But now, you’re drowning in the overwhelming sky that looms over you thinking about all of the time you’ve spent together. You’ve known how much you enjoy being with him since that very first day, though you aren’t quite sure if he feels the same way.

“I’m hungry.” you say aloud rather than to yourself like you’d intended. You sit upright when you hear Rin begin to shuffle, too, realising he’d been reflecting in the obsidian mirror above him, too. He stares at you, expressionless. “Are you ma—” you want to ask him if he’s feeling some type of way about you, but you’re interrupted by a loud rumble from his stomach.

“Fuck.” he sighs.

“… Should we eat the cake?” you wonder. You can’t hide the devious grin on your face as you enjoy Rin’s cool exterior being foiled by the all too human need of hunger. You don’t even wait for him to answer, pulling the cake closer for the umpteenth time before removing the packaging. He grimaces as you break off a chunk with your thumb and forefinger, crumbs tumbling off as you lift it into your mouth. And you moan, obscenely, as the sugary sweetness encases your tongue. “Oh my God that’s good. Try some!” you encourage him.

“… fuck it.” he rolls his eyes, dragging himself closer to the cake before copying you. His eyes roll, again, this time into the back of his head as he begins to satiate his hunger.

You both continue to eat, silently, savouring the flavour of the cake you so expertly chose. It’s hard, being like this. Because you know that usually you’d be chattering away about other employees you work with even though Rin doesn’t care about gossip. He’ll listen to you intently while he eats and before you know it his plate is clean while you’re struggling to understand how he eats so fast.

But tonight, you’re silent.

All of your thoughts remain trapped in your mind as you eat. Bite after bite as it crumbles and messes beneath you and tarnishes the hollow wood beneath you.

And it’s funny, you’re the one who’s usually watching Rin as you talk and talk until you’ve run out of steam. But tonight, you can barely look at him. The same can’t be said for him, though. You see him looking at you a few times when you dare to offer a glance his way, but just as quickly, you avert your eyes.

He doesn’t, though.

He eats slowly, admiring you as you eat the cake you’d so kindly purchased for him. He can’t ignore how crestfallen you look, and yet, there’s still a radiance about you. The outer glow of the city lights barely halos around you like you are some kind of angel. The gentle yet biting breeze of the September sky billows through your hair that you’d messily tucked away into a low bun.

His intense turquoise eyes only leave you for fractions of a second when he needs to blink. He isn’t sure why he’s staring, but he’s putting it down to being stoned. It’s almost like an anchor, watching you attentively as you embrace the rich, sugary taste that you can’t seem to get enough of. While he feels like he’s moving in slow motion, his consumption slow and steady.

He chuckles lightly as he sees a small piece of cake fall from your fingers and you desperately try to bite at it. It’s too late, however, and you simply huff as you look at it beside you. He smirks, again, when he sees that you’ve accidentally smudged chocolate on the corner of your lip.

Your head jerks as he whistles quickly, like a dog owner summons the attention of their pet. He closes the distance between you as you leans in close to you, your heart rate heightening as you note how close his face is to yours. His throat bulges as he swallows the cake he’d been eating, and your eyes drop to his lips. You can’t even bring yourself to smile when you note a few gentle streaks of chocolate that have stained between the creases, you only feel your stomach sink when you look back into his eyes and realise he’s been watching you stare.

He leans in closer, and your eyes flutter shut. Though they soon open again when you fail to register the press of his lips on your own. He wipes the smudge from your face and shows the chocolate residue to you.

He’s paralysed you.

As much as you want to smile, to laugh awkwardly at what a fool you’ve made of yourself, you can’t. You’re frozen in place as you watch him. Nothing could have prepared you for the sight of him gently wetting his tongue with a deliberate curl of his tongue. His eyes bore into yours without faltering as his lips pucker around his thumb, making sure there isn’t a single trace of chocolate still there.

He grins, seeing the quick puff of breath you exhale in desperation. Your eyes flicker around, a feeble attempt of looking anywhere but at him. You squeak, quietly, as his sultry tone breaks the overwhelming silence between you.

“I’m not usually a chocolate fan,” he tells you before grabbing another chunk of cake. “But this is really good.”

“… M-Maybe it’s because you’re high?” you respond after wracking your mind for something to say in turn. You can’t wrap your head around what that was. You’ve never seen him like this before.

He’s wordlessly decided he’s blaming everything on being high.

Maybe you can, too.

“… Rin?” you speak, plucking up the courage from somewhere as you dare to whisper his name. He looks at you, briefly, before rolling his eyes. He knows. Of course he already knows what you’re about to ask him. He keeps avoiding the question that you’re yearning for an answer for.

“Don’t.” he tells you.

“But—”

“Just… don’t.” he commands, though his voice loses the assertiveness it had previously. He looks at you, and you swear you feel your heart twist in your chest as you see what you can only deduct as disappointment looming in his eyes. He looks at your backpack, again, and back at you. “… did you bring more weed?”

—

You lie side by side as you take turns passing the blunt between one another. He does all he can to focus on the sky, even when he feels your eyes on him. Your head turns, chin almost resting on your shoulder as you stare. You stare brazenly just as he did before.

And still, he won’t look at you.

He takes a long drag and doesn’t exhale, his lips slightly ajar as he allows a thin trail of smoke to dance from between his lips. And you stare on, longingly, as you wonder what’s going on inside that head of his.

You wish you could crawl inside of him and burrow your way into his brain. There’s nothing more you want right now than to nestle through brain matter until you reach the uncertain core at the centre of everything. The dismal part of his brain that’s so secretive and yet so inviting.

What does he want from you?

He turns his head as he passes the blunt to you, though he stutters backwards a little when he notices you were already looking at him. A soft ‘tch’ leaves him before you take it from him.

“Quit it.” he warns you, though there’s no malice or intent in it. He looks at you softly, and your own harsh gaze becomes gentler. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” he tells you. Your breath hitches as he speaks, but you can’t bring yourself to respond.

Your eyes close as his fingers begin to tenderly caress your cheeks, and he tucks a stray hair behind your ear.

“You’re so… fragile.” he says. Your eyes shoot open, at that. He laughs a little, though it’s barely noticeable, and it doesn’t deter him from his careful touch. He means it, you can feel it in the way he’s being with you. He’s toying with you as if you were made of glass. And if that’s how he feels, you wonder why he’s doing this at all.

“Rin?”

“Don’t.”

“No… why did you invite me out here?” you ask, hoping to disarm him. His expression that had hardened so quickly is gone in a blink, an earnest smile takes over him instead. He withdraws his hand, and now, you’ve never felt colder.

“I wanted to see you, that’s all.” he explains.

And it’s enough, it should be enough. It’s an answer to your question and yet it gives you so little. You’re starved, though. What he gives you isn’t enough, it’s never enough. You’ve made do for so long with useless scraps that you forgot what it feels like to truly be satiated, you want to eat him alive. You’d devour him whole, tear meat from the bone with ravenous fangs if it meant you could finally be satisfied. But as soon as your lips part, you close them once more.

You no longer have the energy, your body can’t be sustained from pitiful scraps any longer.

“Things are weird.” he mumbles. You nod, agreeing, and he looks at you wistfully. “I don’t want them to be.”

“… I don’t know how to fix it, Rin.” you confess.

He clears his throat, a little surprised by your answer before he looks up at the sky again. You follow suit, wondering what he could be thinking about this time.

“Why didn’t you get me a gift?” he cuts through the sharp, agonising quiet with something you really hadn’t expected him to say. Almost in unison, you’re looking at one another yet again. Your eyes narrow, though his face remains stoic. You aren’t sure why, really. You love giving gifts, but perhaps a small part of you thought he wouldn’t appreciate one from you.

And maybe a smaller part of you thought he might not deserve one.

“I thought you didn’t care?”

“I don’t,” he nods, agreeing with the sentiment. “But you bought a cake, and a balloon. I was wondering why a gift is where you draw the line.”

“It wasn’t about drawing the line.” you tell him, rolling onto your side so you can face him directly. He doesn’t do the same, but he gingerly pulls the joint from your fingers before smoking a little more. “I didn’t know what to get you.” you lie, and he knows it too. He doesn’t shy away from making it clear, either, scoffing at your pitiful excuse.

“I don’t believe that for a second.” he says through an exhale, smoke escaping his lungs and entering the atmosphere as he talks. “You make notes of things you see while you’re shopping you think your other friends might like.”

“You’re not like my other friends.”

“… I guess.”

“You didn’t even want to see me tonight and you only invited me here because you felt bad, right? If I’d gotten you a gift, you would have hated it. I don’t know why… but I know you wouldn’t have been happy no matter what I bought for you.”

He pauses, a chilled breath revealing the true cruelty of the autumnal air shudders by his teeth. You want to shiver, and yet you’re forcing yourself not to. Regardless of how awkward the night has been, you don’t want it to end. You don’t want to give him a reason to send you home so you can part ways, the growing issue between you never becoming resolved.

“You’re probably right,” he smirks, “But I think you would have gotten me something nice. You’re thoughtful.”

And with that, the urgent need to shiver through the cold has subsided. His words seemingly enough to warm you. It’s sweet, and simple, and it makes you realise how easily pleased you are. You worry that there might be something wrong with you. He says one nice thing about you and you’re satisfied.

It’s embarrassing.

“What would you have wanted?” you ask, meekly.

“… I don’t know.” he shrugs. And, really, you shouldn’t have expected anything less than this. He’s aloof, an enigma you’re too simple to explore. You can’t delve into his mind because you don’t understand how someone can come to be so standoffish and reserved. “Maybe something to drink.” he hints.

“There’s flavoured water in my bag.” you smile.

“What flavour?”

“Strawberry,”

“Meh…” he thinks, debating whether he wants to drink it or not. “Ugh… I’ve got cotton mouth. Why did you buy flavoured?”

“Because I like it! And, again, I assumed we’d be doing this at your place.” you smile, teeth chattering unintentionally as you’re reminded what season you’re in. He looks over his shoulder as he hears you, watching as you try to hide how uncomfortable you are. He grabs the water bottle from your bag before sitting upright properly.

“Are you cold?” he asks.

“N-No, I’m fine. It’s okay.” you nod. He shakes his head, quickly untying the balloon from his wrist before attaching it to your backpack so that he can pull his hoodie off. Your breathing staggers as his t-shirt rides up along with it, exposing his toned musculature before he hands it to you. “You didn’t have to give me this…” you tell him quietly, hugging it against your body as you enjoy the warmth of his own body heat.

He doesn’t say anything, he just waits patiently for you to put it on. His face scrunches at the taste of the water, but continues to drink it eagerly. There’s no better option, right now, and the dryness of his mouth is almost enough to make him choke.

“Thanks.” you smile after bundling yourself up in his hoodie. He nods curtly, handing the water bottle to you. You open your mouth repeatedly as you try and determine if your mouth is equally as dry before you begin to chug gratefully.

“All I wanted for my birthday this year was to lose my virginity.” he says, bluntly. He starts laughing as you choke on your drink, sputtering wildly and using the sleeve of his hoodie to dab up the droplets on your chin. “What?”

“What do you mean ‘what?’ You’re a virgin? No you’re not, you’re fucking lying!” you reply. He laughs again as you sit fully upright and face him so that you can question him more.

“Why am I a liar?”

“B-Because! Oh my God, you have girls hitting on you at work every single day. And you don’t, I don’t know, you don’t have virgin energy.”

“Girls don’t hit on me.”

“Ohhhh I hate you, you suck. They do, are you fucking with me right now? They do!” you bark back angrily. An amused smirk remains fixated on his face as he can see your temper begin to boil over.

“Even if they did hit on me, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna have sex with them.”

“I actually hate you.” you bemoan, “This is fucked up because I can’t prove it either way. But you’re lying, I know you are!”

“Whatever helps you through this, sweetheart.” he grins, snatching the water bottle back from you. He looks at you from the corner of his eye, at how you’ve seized up from a simple little pet name. But you aren’t frozen for long, thawing out quickly from your simmering temper.

Whether this is a harmless little prank to tease you is now irrelevant, because all you can think about is what a head fuck he is. And, as much as you both might prefer, you can’t blame it on weed. Maybe if this animosity had started after you’d been smoking together, but he was ignoring you before.

And that’s when you’re brought back to it.

“Why were you ignoring my fucking texts, Rin?” you ask, harshly. And now, it’s enough for him to choke on the drink. Maybe he’s never heard you be so assertive, before. Maybe it’s because he thought you were having a harmless joke around. Nothing tonight has been harmless, though. It’s all been weird, uncomfortable, palpable.

Whether intentional or not, he’s forcing you to suffer and refusing to tell you why.

“If you don’t wanna be my friend anymore, fine, whatever. But this is fucked up, so just tell me.” you explain, voice trembling as you do. You aren’t cold, anymore, but your throat feels like it’s about to close.

“… You’re so fucking stupid.” he mutters. Twisting the lid on and off your bottle repeatedly before he shoves it aggressively back in your bag. “Do you really not get it?”

“Don’t call me that, asshole.” you snipe back.

“I don’t want to be your fucking friend.” he responds. Your stomach drops and you fight to hold back tears, failing miserably as they silently roll down your cheeks. He watches on, his aggressive expression faltering as he watches you try and wipe them away quickly.

“That’s… shitty.” you sniffle. “That’s all you had to say. You didn’t have to invite me out here and embarrass me.”

“You don’t get it.” he interjects. He shuffles closer to you, and you scramble to evade him. You want to grab your bag and run from here. From him. But as you try and hit him, push him away, he grabs your wrists and stares at you with a desperation you’ve never encountered with him before. “You’re— you’ve got a boyfriend.”

“… Huh? You ignored my texts because I have a boyfriend? What are you—”

“Listen to what I’m saying, you’re not stupid but you’re acting it because you’re riled up.” he tells you, calmly. You struggle in his hold once more, but his grip remains firm. “I didn’t want… you… fussing about my birthday. Because you have a boyfriend.”

You’re stumped. As much as you want to yell and argue what he’s saying, you can’t. He isn’t making sense and you do feel stupid, now. He’s saying words that don’t mean anything, words that are irrelevant to what you’re discussing to deflect from what you’re asking.

Has he always been like this?

You don’t know, really. You don’t know if you’ve been carrying this so-called friendship on your back and filling in the blank awkward silences with chatter about nothing. But you thought you were more than this. You thought he was smarter than this. He’s intellectual and carries himself confidently, and yet, in this moment, you can’t help but think he’s a coward.

“You sound like a fucking idiot right now.” you scowl. “Ignoring me because I wanted to celebrate your birthday because I have a boyfriend? What kind of stupid reason is that?”

His lips tighten to a straight line and porcelain skin turns pink, you can see it even encased in the darkness of the early morning sky. You can see his eyes shake as he looks at you. He wants to say something but he’s fighting against it. You can tell, he’s holding back words he wants to say as he searches for something less confrontational to tell you.

But he can’t.

For once in his life, he can’t.

“Why are you with him?” he asks, bluntly. You’re taken aback, so much so that you laugh. It’s short, and makes his anger burn further in him as he watches your reaction. “Do you even love him? Scratch that, do you even like him?”

“Fuck you, Rin. That’s none of your business!”

“You don’t, do you?” he laughs, only now it’s at your expense. It feels patronising and mean. But he can’t help himself. You hadn’t hesitated to laugh at him, only in your disbelief. But he’s being cruel. He’s doing it on purpose. “You can’t even lie to yourself. Why are you with him?”

“I hate you. I fucking hate you, Rin.” you tell him. You mean it, too. You’re trembling and you remember you’re wrapped up in his hoodie. It feels suffocating to have the warmth of cotton that had been keeping him comfortable now clinging to your skin. “Why are you being like this?”

You say flames lick behind his irises before they’re extinguished, his furious glare being doused by a glossy sheen as tears silently fall from your eyes and roll down your now sodden cheeks.

He pulls you nearer to him by the material of his hoodie, his large hand encasing your face as he tries to force you to look at him. You turn your head roughly, defiant in your pursuit of making a stand.

“Hey.” he says, it’s abrasive and stabs through you. Your soaking eyes stare into his, and he gently wipes your ever falling tears with a gentle rub of his thumbs. He smiles, a little, and you feel dizzy. Your brain is fried as his mood changes once again. “You really don’t get it?”

You blink, shaking your head.

Deep down, you know. You have a niggling feeling that you know why he’s being like this, but you worry you’re overthinking things. There must be something simpler, something likelier than what you’re delusionally imagining.

“H-He dumped me.” you say almost breathlessly. His eyes widen in surprise, but he doesn’t dare interrupt. He’s engaged, and honestly, you don’t think he’s been more eager to listen to anything you’ve said before. “He said…”

“Go on.”

“… ‘You forget who your boyfriend is. You spend more time with Rin than you do with me.’ I— he’s right. I have more fun with you at work than I ever did on dates with him.”

“Why were you with him?” he asks, his face moving closer to your own.

“Because… the guy I like… liked… doesn’t feel the same way.”

“You don’t like him anymore?” he wonders, looking between your eyes and your lips. You shake your head gently, and you see a small slither of saliva slip down his throat. “Why not?”

“I—” you breathe softly, acutely aware of how close he is to you, now. You aren’t imagining things, are you? Is this really happening? He’s been a mess tonight, you can’t trust him and you certainly can’t trust your own judgement. He’s just teasing you.

He’s just teasing you.

“Why are you asking me this, Rin?” you whisper.

“I think you know why.”

“Tell me, please.”

He grunts, there’s a little force behind his hand as he cups the side of your face. You yelp as he closes the distance between you both, slotting his lips against your own as he pours his feelings into your first kiss. You don’t even register as he moves you so that your back is flat against hollow wood, almost towering above you as he cages you below.

You lose yourself to the dizzying feeling of finally experiencing his lips on yours for the very first time. Something you’ve wanted, maybe, since the moment you set eyes on him.

But you never thought it would happen. Not ever, and definitely not like this. He pulls away for a moment, admiring how drunk you look from one little kiss before he realises he can’t bear to part from you. You mewl into another intoxicating kiss and he moans into your mouth.

“I’ve been crazy about you for ages,” he mumbles. You bite your lip as his begin to travel along your cheek and kiss across your jawline. And you moan, unashamedly as he decorates your neck in sloppy open mouthed kisses and sucks his signature into delicate skin. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry I made you cry. I shouldn’t have ignored you…” he murmurs against your pulse point.

“I-It’s okay,” you whimper. “I get it, now!”

“That prick didn’t deserve you. You’re too good for him, knew that the minute he came by the store.” he tells you. He grabs your face roughly and kisses you messily. He stops, and it’s abrupt, as he looks into your eyes yet again. “Couldn’t fucking stand it whenever he came in. And whenever you talked about him. Were you trying to make me jealous?”

You nod, giggling before he kisses you again. “I guess— it worked?”

“Yeah, princess. It worked.” he grins before kissing you again, lips reattaching to your neck as he mindlessly ruts his hips against your clothed core. “Didn’t wanna risk letting you make a big deal about my birthday ‘cause I knew I’d fall too hard for you, fuck, you don’t know what you do to me.”

“W-Wait…” you stutter through a moan. “Were you lying about… the only thing you want for your birthday?”

He smirks, looking around before he looks back at you. His smile is devilish, you cock your head as you look up at him.

“Do you want to find out?”

You look around just as he did, knowing nothing could deter you from this before looking up at him again. And, without hesitating, you nod again. He bares his teeth with a smile, the happiest you’ve ever seen him, before he stands on his knees. You don’t move, watching him in awe as deft fingers curl into the waistline of your joggers, pulling them down along with your racy black panties.

He separates them from the grey material of your sweats, studying them intently. You see thoughts swirling behind his eyes but can’t decipher them. Though your face soon flushes with an unbearable warmth as you witness him studying the gusset of the black lace, his thumb gently prodding the pooling slickness that had gathered there.

“Cute.” he grins.

You squeak and cover your face as his tongue leaves his mouth, slowly licking up the seat of your panties to taste you. He moans, unabashedly as he savours your essence, he hovers over you again and moves your hands away. You’re panting, eyes stuttering as you struggle to decide where you should be looking. He doesn’t let you look anywhere but at him.

“Taste.” he commands, balling up the material before carefully slotting it betwixt your swollen lips. You’re drooling, instantly, not having expected this from him. And already, you’ve decided.

He isn’t a fucking virgin.

“Your slutty little panties taste sweet. I’m sure the real thing is even better.” he muses, sinking his head lower before, pushing up your hoodie and vest to expose your midriff.

He kisses gently down your sternum before slowly, purposefully, oh so delicately kissing your mons. Teal irises stringently stare as he does. Your body is pliant, and you allow him without question to hike your leg over his shoulder. A harsh spit of saliva hits your clit, and you can’t help but moan. Whether it was the feeling, the sound, or watching him do it, you aren’t sure. But he grins, cockily, clearly pleased with himself before he tormentingly strokes the pads of his index and middle finger across your swollen clit.

“Mmpf,” you keen, the black lace still filling your orifice and preventing you from speaking. You’ve never experienced this, before. You’re used to being used as a toy to please men you’re with. Your pleasure always coming second to their own. You can’t remember the last time you’d gotten head. And those guys had experience.

Maybe he is a virgin.

Maybe he thinks he needs to be generous because that’s what he’s been told…

“C’mere,” he mutters before reaching upwards, yanking the saliva drenched panties from between your lips. He moans as you look at him with a heavy-lidded stare and spit slicken lips. Strings of drool trickling from your lips and some still attached to your panties has his cock stirring further. He holds his eyes closed, for a beat longer than necessary, before looking at you again. “I want to hear how good you feel.”

And with that, your eyes are rolling back into your head as he finally latches his lips to your sensitive clit. He suckles and licks across it like he was put on this earth with the sole purpose of making you cum. He worships your throbbing bead like his tongue was designed with your pleasure in mind.

You card your fingers through his dark hair, yanking lightly when he makes you feel just right. He moans, boisterously, humming into your folds as he makes a point of savouring your delicate flesh. And at this point, you don’t know which of you is enjoying this more.

He moves a little, giving himself room to make a show of licking his fingers before slowly sliding them into your tight heat. Your voice echoes as he curls them, his long, dextrous fingers delving to depths you hadn’t realised existed. His arm wraps tightly around your thigh as you struggle to adapt to such blinding pleasure, desperate to wriggle away from him but his hold remains firm.

“Just relax, baby,” he hums before diving into your flesh once more. His tongue darts quickly, keeping pointed as he swipes it across your pulsing bead. You can’t help but squirm, entirely at the mercy of his mouth and fingers and completely unwilling to let you go. “Mmmpf, you’re so sweet, princess. Could do this all day.”

“F—uuuuuck, it’s too much. I c-can’t—”

“Yeah you can, just want you to feel good. So let go.”

You’re breathless as he maintains focus on your folds. You can’t help but whimper and whine as he slurps and suctions around your overstimulated clit, his fingers working in tandem to help aid in achieving your eventual demise.

It’s better than anything you’ve ever felt from a man before. It might even be better than anything you’ve ever done to yourself.

And still, you’re resisting.

Maybe in your weed addled mind you can’t help but swirl in a vortex of paranoia and confusion. It’s odd, the entire night spent with Rin Itoshi has been uncomfortable and strange and you can’t quite believe how things have ended up.

Your so-called best friend has his face buried between your legs, inflicting a heightened pleasure you’ve never felt before after such an intense exchange of words. You’re resisting it, resisting him, because it doesn’t feel real.

Did you get too high?

“Baby,” he muses. “Are you nervous?”

“N-No,” you respond, your entire body jolting and shivering as the freezing air tangles with your risen tension and building arousal. You won’t be able to hang on for much longer, of that, you’re sure. Not with the way his fingers are sunken and toying with your g-spot. Whether you want to or not, you’re soon to unfurl.

“Cum for me, princess, please.” he begs, “I’ve wait so long to be with you, like this. Don’t let me down, now.”

“Oh, f-fuck, Rin.” you gasp, legs spasming as your back arches as you’re forced into an explosive orgasm. Your moaning and whining resounds throughout the skatepark, and any passersby will undoubtedly hear you as you hit your untimely undoing.

He doesn’t let up, though, continuing to pump his fingers and lick your pulsing clit. You’re too delirious to notice the cocky smile on his face as he works you through the best orgasm you’ve ever had in your entire fucking life.

You’re breathless, resting on your elbows as you look down at him. And you all but cry as he uses his thumbs to spread your pussy lips apart, utterly enamoured by the way it pulsates and clenches around nothing after being worked how he knows you’ve always deserved.

“T-That wasn’t— your first time… w-was it?” you ask gingerly, still panting as tears continuously roll down your cheeks.

He lets go, then, crawling up your body to kiss your face and lick up the tears you couldn’t help but shed. He squeezes your cheeks until your lips pucker, sloppily kissing you with an adventurous tongue. It doesn’t last, though, looking over his shoulder and down your body to guide his hand to your feminine warmth once more. You yelp as you feel a light spank, before he rubs you again.

You shake your head, but he nods in response.

“Rin, please…” you breathe.

“Has anyone ever told you how fucking pretty your perfect little pussy is? I think she wants to cum again, you were so noisy the first time, princess. You can handle one more f’me.”

Your eyes cross as his fingers slot inside of your drooling cunt yet again, the heel of his palm massaging your spent clit again as he sets a brutal pace with his fingers.

“So fucking cute, baby. Such a pretty cry-baby f’me, so gorgeous. Does it feel that good?” he asks.

“Y-Yes, God, yes, Rin. S’good!” you tell him.

He kisses you, again, silencing your whining tone and swallowing your precious mewling that he can’t seem to suffocate. Even with his lips on yours, you can’t help but break away. He moans with you, faux sympathy or genuine pleasure, you can’t tell. But the way your precious little voice rushes straight to his cock can’t be denied. It’s taking everything he has to not hump himself against you, knowing he won’t last a single second if he attempts to pleasure himself as well as you.

You’re barely conscious as he continues, your toes curl as you feel him target the spongey spot inside you which lead to your downfall mere moments ago. Your eyes continue to water, tears spilling into your hairline as you can’t seem to process and navigate the absolute bliss he’s forcing upon you. But you accept it, gratefully. The thought of disappointing him on his birthday has left you a pliable little doll for him to do as he pleases.

He’s had you on such a pedestal and you hadn’t even known it. You’ve unintentionally flaunted your relationship in front of him that you didn’t even know he cared about, leaving him in turmoil and dread as he thought about what things he was doing to you when it should have been him instead.

But he wasn’t good enough. He couldn’t win you over because your heart lay elsewhere. Rin Itoshi knew more so than you that a little prick like your ex would never be good enough for you. He couldn’t satisfy, he couldn’t win your heart.

Rin can do both.

Rin has done both.

“How many guys have made you cry from just their fingers?” he asks, whispering in your ear. Subdued whispers of his gravelly tone rush straight to your cunt, an outpour of slick slowly leaking out of your overstimulated slot and coating his greedy fingers. “Messy little pussy, so pretty, princess. If you’re crying from my fingers, imagine how my cock will feel.”

The thought alone has you creaming for him. Even he looks surprised as your body begins to jolt as the pressure begins to abate from what had been your building peak. He watches in awe as you cum gloriously and gift his fingers your sweet, pearlescent sheen. His fingering wanes and slows as you come down, though your body is still wracked with aftershocks.

And he withdraws them, almost bringing them to his own mouth before deciding against it. He spreads your mouth open carefully before massaging your essence onto your own tongue.

“Suck, baby. Good girls clean up their mess,” he nods.

You grab his hand with both of yours to keep it steady, bobbing your head along with length of his digits as you display what you’re capable of with your mouth. You drool copiously, strings dangling from your chin as you keep your eyes firmly fixated on his. The act of demeaning yourself for his enjoyment has your pussy clenching, oozing more slick as you revel in his pleasure.

“You’re such a little slut,” he smiles, and you can’t help but giggle around his fingers.

He offers a slight laugh, though it’s breathy and barely there. You amuse him, but you’ve always amused him. He’s in disbelief that this is happening, just as you are. But being high is giving him a confidence he’d never dream of if he were sober. You can’t quite believe you’re finally doing this with him. But he can’t believe you even contemplated this with him.

He's spent nights alone fantasising about being intimate with you like this. Making you cum from his tongue and helping you ride his cock as you both cum in unison and feel a blinding love and pleasure neither of you have ever felt as you explore each other’s bodies. Nights when that alone would suffice and he’d have to clean up the mess he’d made of himself with an old t-shirt and spare sock.

And that would be followed by mornings you’d greet him with a happy go lucky smile, not a single solitary idea in your head of the depravity he feels when he thinks about you laid bare for him. You’d been utterly clueless about how desperately he longed to feel you wrapped around him, screaming his name while he made you feel what he was certain no other man could.

How could he want to see you for his birthday, spoiling him rotten and behaving like a girlfriend should when you had already dedicated yourself to another man? He couldn’t bear it. He wanted to put his foot down, he was desperate to set a boundary and maybe cut you out of his life for good because his feelings were getting more intense than he thought he could feasibly control.

But, alas, he’s never been able to resist you.

He read your text messages over and over and over again until he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He had to talk to you. He had to hear your voice. If he’d known being aloof with you would have gotten you to this point. Suckling on his fingers like a girl trying to impress and so desperate to please her first ever crush, he would have done it sooner.

He allows you a few more seconds to taste yourself, to suck his digits like a cock you’ve longed to worship since the dawn of time, before he withdraws them. You pout, but watch as he stands on his knees and pulls down his pants enough to free his aching length. His thick member springing from their confines and slapping against his t-shirt, a messy stain soon to be born there and visible for all to see.

He doesn’t care, though.

He moans as the relief from the release surges through him and glances down at you triumphantly. You can’t even look at him, your eyes glued to his thick length as it flexes and dribbles desperately. He’s cut, and he’s beautiful. You wouldn’t hesitate to choke on his length if he forced it down your throat.

“Do you want it?” he asks, grabbing and squeezing at the base before he tugs himself slowly. “Spread your pretty legs open f’me.”

You nod, doing as you’re told as you bare your cunt on full display. He doesn’t enter you, though, sandwiching his cock between your sticky folds.

It’s euphoric, for him, feeling your lewd folds kiss him repeatedly as he rocks his hips slowly. His perfect, pretty tip nudging against your swollen pearl again and again. He knows it’s enough to get him off, so he makes sure to go slow. Though, your hopeless expression and pathetic mewling could mutually be the end of him.

“P-Put it in.” you tell him, only to be met with a string of disappointed tuts.

“Is it my birthday or yours?” he asks rhetorically, “You didn’t even ask nicely. Knew you were a little brat, but thought you’d have some manners when you wanna make my birthday so special.”

“Fuck, Rinnie, ‘m sorry,” you apologise, biting your lips as he looks down at you with a bemused glare. “J-Just, unf. You’re so big. W-Wanna feel you inside. Just wanna make you feel good.” you tell him, a feeble attempt of explaining yourself. Your wanton desire is too much to handle, you think you might pass out if you don’t feel him inside of you.

He bends down, kissing your cheek carefully before he guides his cock to your clenching entrance.

You yelp as he dips in the tip before taking it out just as quickly. He repeats it, again and again. And then slides in deeper. He withdraws, and then deeper. He repeats, until he’s deeper. And without warning, he stabs his length into you, entirely, filling your throat and lungs with nothing but him.

He chuckles as you become accommodated to his thickness, lip wobbling as you realise you’ve truly never felt something so overpowering inside of you before. Other lovers, toys, nothing has ever compared to him.

“I love you,” you whimper pathetically before your eyes shoot open in realisation. You screw your eyes shut, hoping he hadn’t heard you. But of course, your voice is crystalline, and he hangs on each and every word you say.

“I just put it in, princess, is it making you a little dumb already? Fuck, you’re so fucking cute.” he kisses you fervently, his readiness to tease you eclipsed by the feeling, the realisation, that you’re wrapped around him just as he’d dreamed about. “You’re so tight, fuck, feels like you’re gonna break me.”

“Fuck, Rin…”

“I love you,” he blushes, pushing your legs into a mating press as he begins to fuck down and hard into you. You’re can barely form a coherent word, let alone a thought. But, you don’t care. You’re happy to turn your brain off after hearing that. He loves you, he really loves you.

Your tongues tangle as he pounds into you, so rough and deep you fear you might suffocate. But you’re brought to life, revitalised again and again and again as he whispers pathetically against your lips.

“I love you, l love you, IloveyouIloveyou—” every fibre of his being wills him to stop, telling him that he’s embarrassing himself. But how can that be true when each utterance of his adoration has your pliant body and addled mind squeezing his cock for all it’s worth?

Your cute little cunt so enamoured by three simple words that she’s trying to milk his cock of everything. It’s yours, it’s what you deserve, it’s what you’ve earnt for unknowingly being his girl for so many months. Each battering of his cock in your unprotected cunt leaves a bruising ache on the back of your weary legs.

He hopes he isn’t hurting you, you’re barely cognizant enough to verbalise a single syllable. And yet, somehow, you repeat his words back to him like a doting, braindead toy.

“L-Love, I love— you— Rinnie!” you manage. It’s all he needs. It’s all either of you need as his cockhead continues to knock against your g-spot and your tightness swallows him and cuddles him like he never knew he needed.

But he did know.

He’s known for so long that being in your embrace and fucking every thought out of your pretty little head would make him feel like a man reborn. Because, at the end of the day, he’s got you. He’ll always have you to find comfort in. Whether it be the warmth of your gentle hold while his head rests in your chest, ear angled to hear how your heart beats for him. Or like this. Using your perfect little walls to make you keen for him, his pretty little plaything he can empty himself inside of until you’re both spouting nothing but sweet nothings to each other.

It's for your benefit, as well as his.

You need the release just as he does.

You’ve been pent up for so long and hadn’t even realised it. But you will, now. You now know how it feels to have your body fucked into bliss and incoherent, you know how it feels to make love rather than be a flesh toy for whatever man you choose to fill the emptiness inside of you.

No more.

That will no longer suffice.

Nothing will compare to how it feels to be with Rin Itoshi. You know it as well as he does. His forehead rests against your own as he chases his release, his heart racing as even in his intoxicated mind, he’s acutely aware of what is about to happen.

Of what you are going to let him do.

He’s going to cum inside his best friend.

“C-Can I? Please, baby, let me fill you up.” he begs.

“No… not yet. Feels so good, Rin, I don’t want it to stop.” you explain. And it’s a little selfish, you can’t deny that. You’re angling for your third orgasm of this tryst. You can’t help but think of daybreak approaching and how you both might come to your senses as you’re bathed in the glow of daylight.

You’ve said I love you to each other but what does that really mean? It means you’re turned on and despite it being true, things are different when you’re sober and you sleep on mistakes you may or may not have made. A post coital world may be one in which you can’t make eye contact anymore because… how can best friends do that?

How can you explore each other so intimately and still maintain a friendship that isn’t uncomfortable, each silence that passes by may rot your consciousness of how his nose crinkles when he moans or how you sucked on his fingers like a bonafide whore just because you were lost in the moment? Things can’t be normal after that. You hold back tears as you think solemnly that this might be the last nice memory you have of each other.

And you wrap your arms around his neck, determined not to let him go and keep this nice moment as a memory you can cherish forever. One where he made you feel pleasure you didn’t know a best friend could, you didn’t know anyone could. He’s been waiting to do this with you, and you were blind to it.

You can’t help but wish things weren’t so complicated, but he can’t hold on for much longer. Even slowing his thrusts, even stopping completely, he knows he can’t hold off for much longer.

“Please, princess, I’m aching here…” he mumbles, his lips slotting against yours so perfectly, so deliciously, you can deny him no more. You nod, slowly, tears spilling over as you approach the beginning of the end. A coil tightening in your stomach as he really lets go. He uses his build to his advantage as he strives to help you attain a vision of heaven for the third and final time, his own paradisical freefall waiting in the wings.

“Mmmmmpf… fuu-uuu-uuuck, Rin! R-Rin!”

“Just like that baby, just like that. Hah~ fuck, such a good girl. So fucking pretty. You cum like an angel, fuck. Can I cum inside? Baby, please, I can’t pull out. You’re too fucking tight. Need to do it here. N-Need to give you it like this—”

He cuts himself off, unable to wait for permission as the dam blocking him bursts. He cums messily, loudly, as he spurts a thick, backed up load into you. Even with your hips angled, there’s too much to keep contained. Excess sperm leaks out of your spent hole as it twitches and oozes, and he continues to thrust into you. Even with his cock softening, he can’t seem to help himself. He keeps going, hissing and whining from a depraved, masochistic pleasure.

Even in darkness, you see how red his face has become. You put it down to overexertion, and it’s partly true. But as he unsheathes his cock, he can’t help but feel a concoction of pride and unadulterated joy as he sees your combined coupling completely soak his length.

He pants as he rolls off you, moving his head to the side as he cups your face again to make out with you. And you reciprocate, half-heartedly, as you feel the end is nigh. He quickly tucks himself into his sweats, while you dress yourself in your panties and sweats.

You feel dirty.

Lewd fluids trickle out of you and ruin your clothes, and you can’t help but feel how you always do after a hook up.

Used.

Only this time, it’s worse. You got carried away, and you’re about to lose your best friend because of it. Any thought of salvaging things dies a swift death in your mind as you think about things logically. Things can’t go back to the way they are, now. Not with burden adding tension to what was meant to be a stress-free friendship.

And still, you want to try.

You want to try and save what’s left of your friendship.

“… S-So… you definitely weren’t a virgin.” you try to joke lightly, your rigid body easing slightly when you hear him laugh.

“No, sorry. I was fucking with you, it was dumb.” he smirks. “Are you okay? Was it… okay? It sounded like you liked it.”

“Yeah… yeah. It was really… f-fun.” your lip wobbles before you start to cry, prompting him to sit up abruptly with a look of unbridled concern as he watches you sob.

“Shit, was it bad? Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just got carried away, I guess? Please don’t cry.”

“N-No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” you sob. “It’s just— w-well— what am I meant to do now?! T-Taking your virginity was meant to be your birthday gift and you lied!” you force yourself to laugh through your tears, hoping your excuse will be enough to hide your true feelings for now.

“Oh,” he exhales a sigh of relief, scratching the back of his neck. “You scared me.” he almost scowls, but a soft smile still plays on his features.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s fine, there’s something else I want if you’re so worried about a gift for me.” he looks at you calmly as your entire face relaxes. You cock your head, curious about what he’s got in mind. He scoffs, lightly, almost in disbelief that you can’t figure it out. “I want my… best friend… to be my girlfriend.”

“… what?!” you practically scream, tears flowing harder as you wonder if you heard him right. He laughs, again, pulling you into his arms and holding you close as you continue to cry.

“Maybe you are dumber than I gave you credit for. I’ve been crazy about you for months, we just had sex and I told you I love you. You’re really surprised that I want to do that again and make you mine, officially?”

You dab at your tears with the sleeves of his hoodie, starting to laugh a little as he smiles at you. You sigh, exasperated. Your whole body is spent and you’re emotionally drained.

“I thought you were gonna think this was a mistake, G-God, I wasn’t expecting this at all.” you explain.

“Clearly,” he grins. “Well? Are you gonna be my girlfriend?”

“Oh! Y-Yeah! Of course!” you smile. His arms wrap around you, and you’ve never felt safer. You burst into a fit of laughter as he repeatedly kisses your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, everywhere.

You lie comfortably in his arms as the two of you look up at the sky together, for the final time that night. If it weren't for the cold, you’re sure you could fall asleep like this. And it’s at that moment, you realise, just how much time has passed. The obsidian sky is no longer suffocating you, the secrets and desires you’ve held only brave enough to be exposed whilst shrouded by the shadows along with your shame for daring to hold them.

The earliest inklings of the true morning sky are breaking through the darkness. The world is about to resume as it does each day, people waking up and going about their lives. You need to sleep, but not now, not like this. You’ll go home, with Rin, as you have so many times before.

And through confessions you believed shouldn’t dared be uttered, things have changed. Things have changed in a way you hadn’t expected.

You lie comfortably in Rin’s arms, your head on his chest as he breathes gently and peacefully. His eyes closed as he savours in the euphoria he feels for all that has transpired.

Things have changed, and everything is better now.

—

© 2024 rinhaler

—

[kiromiix]

love4eva

wc: 5.7k

cw: modern au, high school/ college au (goes back and forth) football player bakugou, childhood friends to lovers / enemies to lovers(?) angst (kinda) eventual smut. not proofread bc I'm lazy, sorry if theres any mis spells.

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you and bakugou's friendship had always been a bit weird? your mothers were friends when they were younger and they never grew apart, you and bakugou being forced to grow up together and naturally became friends. Most people wouldn't expect you to be friends since you were complete opposites, you with a bubbly and bright personality while him on the other hand wasn't that friendly and was only really popular because of his good looks and the fact he was on the football team but beside that you two had a close bond nobody could come between..

senior year of high school~

"y/n!! hurry up were going to be late" Ochaco exclaimed, you mina and ochaco were all hanging out getting ready to go to the first football game of the season, "yes yes hold on guys I can't find a cute outfit to wear" you said, you've been looking for a good outfit to wear for the past 15 minutes even though the theme was neon you just couldn't seem to find any cute neon colors in your closet. "ugh y/n just wear this !" mina said while tossing you a bright pink off the shoulder shirt, "okay okay I'm ready lets go.." you said while throwing the shirt on.

Ochaco was on driving duty tonight as she was probably the best driver out of you three, you were all in the car blasting music singing along to the loud pop music you all liked. "y/n is bakugou playing tonight?" mina asked "oh uhm I don't really know.." you lied. you knew he was playing tonight but for a while now the girls have been teasing you about how close you are with bakugou, although you've always been close now that your both older the girls are convinced your secretly dating or something.

The car pulled into the back lot of school driving around in circles looking for a parking spot, as you all got out and made your way to the student section of the bleachers. You all met up with some more of your friends pushing your way to get to the front of the stands.

As the game went on you guys were 25-2 as of right now, most of your friends were mainly chatting it up and taking photos using the football game as just another hangout place. While you in the other hand couldn’t take your eyes off the field, carefully watching the blonde boy in the jersey number 53, he was the schools star player even with his bad attitude and snappy comments towards everyone they all still loved him and praised him, with him on the team their was no chance of losing the game.

and of course you guys won the game, no surprise to anyone.

“y/n !! come on we’re all going out to eat” Mina said while trying to grab your arm, “hold Mina I can meet you guys there, I’ll be back” you said while flashing them a smile and walking towards the middle of the field, where you found bakugou chugging down water with his teammates surrounding him. “hey good job on scoring the winning point” you said as you got closer to him, “yea well what’d you expect, I always win” he said while smirking and walking up to you as you rolled your eyes at his snarky remark, “kirishima and ida said they were leaving with the girls for food, why didn’t you go?” the blonde boy said while using a towel to wipe the sweat dripping off his face, ���oh well I knew you wouldn’t go unless I quite literally came and grabbed you..so here I am” you said while shrugging and kicking at the dirt, he looked up at quirking a eyebrow and shoving his stuff in his bag, you knew bakugou and you knew how complicated he could be, even though you’ve known him for 18 years now, he was still difficult to read. “sooo do you wanna go? I mean you did win it should be a victory celebration” you said while awkwardly smiling, “okay yes I’ll go but only to get you to shut up” he said while getting up and walking away, you just looked down and started following him.

You and Bakugou walk into the pizza shop all your friends were meeting in, “y/n !!! You finally made it!! ” Mina said enthusiastically while running up to you and pulling you in a hug, “oh and you're here to bakugou, congrats on winning” the pink haired girl said while glancing at bakugou. She grabbed your arm and started walking towards the table, bakugou following behind. As you settled down next to Mina, Bakugou squeezed himself in-between you and dinky.

You could hear the boys having they're own separate conversations about the game and just other random stuff as you and the girls talked.

"so y/n.. are you going to prom with anyone?" mina said while picking around at her pizza, "guys come on that's not until like two months, I think I have some time.." you said while sipping on your bubbly soda, Even though it was only your guys junior year your friends were so set on making prom some big thing, and your just played along without complaint to make things easier for them.

"well what about you guys? have you thought of asking any girls to prom yet?" mina said while turning to face the boys, she’s always been so blunt with her questions making sure she got all the gossip, why's she so stuck on this prom thing right now.. you thought to yourself, but you couldn't help yourself from being a little curious on what a particular blonde had to say about her question.

"yea right I'm not asking anyone" he said while scoffing.

of course he's not.

"come on bakugou! they're has to be one girl you think is attractive" dinky said while shoving his shoulder.

"no! why would I waste my time on having to worry about some stupid girl"

apart of you was just a bit disappointed in how he answered.

As the night ended and everyone was walking out the pizza place you and bakugou walking side by side, "hey did you bring your car?" he asked you, "hm?, no I didn't I left it at my house..mina drove us." you said while fiddling with your dangling phone charm, "ill give you a ride let's go." the blonde boy said while walking ahead pulling out his car keys.

The whole ride back to your house was mainly silent, Just some comments here and their as he blasted his music, you knew that bakugou didn't like to talk that much after his football games, you could never quite figure out if It was because he was tired or he just wanted some silence.

"what are you doing tomorrow?" you ask looking up from your phone,

"hm? nothing, why?" he answered, eyes moving to glance over at you.

"lets go to the mall, I need to look for some things I need." you say even though it was partially just a excuse to see him on a weekend.

"ok I'll pick you up at 3." the blonde says while pulling into your driveway.

As you pulled into your driveway, you took your keys out of your purse unbuckling your seatbelt and getting out the car, bakugou following you to the steps of your front door which he never did, usually he would just pull to the sidewalk and say goodbye as you got out the car. He followed you up to the steps of your house before grabbing you by the waist and pressing his lips against yours.

the kiss was short, as he quickly let go before muttering a soft "sorry." and getting back into the car and driving off, leaving you shocked on your front porch.

He didn't pick you up the next day to go with him to the mall.

chapter one end.

ok !!! this concludes chapter one of love4eva!!! (pls be nice this is my first ff) anywayyy yes a cliff hanger. and if your wondering why he's kissing them already well it ties into the plot of the college arc and it will all make sense later *wink wink*plus this is taking place at senior year and reader and bakugou have known each other since forever so its not like he jus met her lolsies. Well I hope you like it and I already have chapter 2 half way finished ^^

[random-gamer1942]

(1/7) The train that was

Trainwreck Graveyard

(2/7) Ready to go

The train started coming to a halt about a minute after the explosion

Why do these things have to be so loud, the sheriff thought, ears still ringing. She let out a sigh and closed her eyes for a moment, before attempting to stand up

Her legs were a bit shaky, but she couldn't care less with the situation at hand. Once the train had fully stopped, she stepped onto the ground through the missing back of the cabin and looked off into the distance

Broken pieces of metal were scattered everywhere, and the rails had been damaged. The last 2 cabins had been disconnected and derailed where the explosion happened a good 70-80 yards back, and was currently on it's side

Thankfully she didn't see anyone in there. The train station only let you walk directly into the first three cabins and this was a less busy time of week, but this could've been bad

As she started walking to investigate the site, someone approuched from the train. She looked back and saw a man that looked annoyed - and what she very easily recognized as a concealed sawed-off shotgun in his coat

With a smooth motion she pulled both her revolvers. "I know a thug when I see one, who the hell are you?"

He flinched, but didn't do anything. Instead, he said "The 2 that rode off don't count then? Besides, not everything revolves around you, big-shot. I gotta find those outlaws before I lose this gig."

"Gi-? Ah, hired protection. Say, you talk big for someone who should've prevented this in the first place."

"Whatever, just let me do my job", he said, walking towards the disconnected cabins to investigate, with the sheriff following suit

After a few minutes of looking around they discovered 2 things: 1) tracks, clearly from horses, and 2) a monocle, but from one of those outlaws. It seems there had been someone in the cabin after all, though there was no trace of them...

The man turned to the sheriff. "Well, good luck with writing a report or whatever, I'm off", as he started following the tracks.

"Hold your horses, cowboy. No way are you going after them by yourself, can't have another missing person on my conscience."

"I don't plan on going missing Ms. Big-shot. But fine, come along if you have to."

"Stop calling me that, my name's Ashlyn."

"No thanks, I'm fine with Big-shot. But for the sake of pleasantries, I'm Tyler."

She sighed. She didn't like working with others, especially knuckleheads like him. But she had this strange feeling she was gonna need all the help she could get. And right as she thought that, someone else came running up

"An adventure!? I'm coming along!", said the woman, who looked very excited. And kind of like the knucklehead too, the sheriff thought

"No way Tay, too dangerous. Besides, shouldn't you stay behind to fix the train?"

"C'mon Ty, not even I could fix this by myself. The conductor has already sent for help from a few other mechanics, they won't even notice I'm gone."

"But-"

"Besides, mom said we should always stick together. I'm going."

"Fine. But is the luggage really necessary", he asked, gesturing at the large backpack she had with her

"You never know what you'll need, and you always take too little with you. And I'm carrying it myself, so stop complaining", she snapped back

He sighed, defeated. Siblings, good to know, Ash noted. And soon, they were ready to set off

...

Aiden sat on the back of his cousin's horse, looking at the sunset. "Say Stache, why in tarnation did we take that softie again?"

The man on the horse next to him with a large moustache looked increasingly annoyed from being asked the same question for the who-knows-how-oftenth time. "Smiles, I swear to the lord in the heavens above, if you ask me that question again I'll throw this shrimp on your guys' horse."

"It don't make no sense to me though..."

"For the LAST time, he's important leverage for the possible skirmishes next week."

"But why'd they give two shit bout 'im? 'Leverage' didn't work last time."

"That's because you're the only person on this darned earth insane enough to enjoy being kidnapped by criminals, and whose parents would for some reason be okay with you wanting to stay?"

"I mean, it do be excitin', don't it?"

"Just shut up, you're givin' me another headache. Besides, we're here."

He pointed to a cave about 300 yards away, with dim orange light coming out of it. After riding for a few more moments the 4 horses came to a stop. The cousins, the man with a moustache, and 3 others stepped off their horses

The man who rode in front grabbed a weird object from his horse and gave the reins to one of the other outlaws

"Cwrwfwll wwth thwt", the kid on the back of Stache's horse mumbled through the cloth in his mouth, but noone paid him any mind

"Scars, Salted, tie them horses down. Stache, grab that kid and come with me. Same for y'all, Smiles, Silent."

Some 'yes sir's and 'alrighty's were said and Ben nodded. Stache threw the young 20-something with light brown hair over his shoulder and, together with the cousins, started following the boss

Inside, they saw a handful of others sitting around a campfire. The group, including them, consisted of about a dozen outlaws, ranging from about 16 to 40 years old

A few of them greeted the boss and the three others as they came walking in. A bit later, the last to also came to join them

"Alrighty, seems everyone's here. I think we're almost ready boys. A few more days and our names will be known throughout the country", the leader said, lighting a cigar. "A few more days..."

(3/7): in progress

[nico-esoterica]

Your thinking is an investment.

(Long Post): Even if shit doesn't hit the fan right away, you're planning for that story to eventually happen. If you hate your job, your living situation, your life path, whatever it is, the story you're telling about it to others and yourself is always manifesting. You can't turn it off. It's okay to not enjoy it, hate it, etc. But it's important to pivot your mindset and investing in seeing it changing. Whatever you tell yourself consistently will play out.

I'm going to discuss intrusive thoughts and OCD below and how I managed mine while manifesting:

Intrusive thought/OCD wise, it's not any or every thought that pops up in your brain. It's just what you validate. Even if you're afraid or paranoid about xyz, your emotional mind thinks it's real but the rest of you doesn't. Your mental responses you can't control aren't going to manifest. In therapy, you learn that you don't have to give these fleeting thoughts power, even if they're incessant. You still have control. It's also totally okay if you vent about your circumstances btw. That's not going to affect anything if you say it won't.

Everyone is always going through something. And during all this, especially with transitioning from taking full control after a lifetime of thinking you couldn't, it may feel like absolutely nothing is going on and shit can feel frustrating. However, what you don't know is that you're rewriting all of the people and situations you've changed your mind about. You may not see the full changes right away, but please take every single 'coincidence' as a sign of it working, because it is. People are going to start being nicer and more considerate, situations will be less frustrating, money will be more fluid, and your mental health will improve. It's also okay to be emotional, frustrated, and to just not be okay. If your story overall doesn't change, you're fine. Let those emotions flow!

There's going to be a lot of epiphanies and break throughs, especially if you start nurturing your self concept and apply that peace of mind it gives to everything. You're going to start noticing harmful thought patterns you've had, decisions you've made because of conditioning, and you'll see what you need to internally let go of. This is where therapy, therapeutic tools, and different spiritual practices and rituals come in to help this adjustment. There's no one size fits all for everyone so you should ideally find what speaks to you and not what you 'think' you should adopt. Your intuition, imo, will help you out here. This may be a period where you purge out old relationships, habits, and lifestyles which don't align with you anymore. They may even simply fall off on their own. None of this has to happen but is what I see in a lot of people due to my own journey. But nothing bad has to happen nor do you need to sacrifice anything. That's Hollywood-dramatic, lmao. You just may not resonate with a lot of shit anymore. And that's OKAY! It's great tbh. You're going to notice people's limitations they impose on you or themselves immediately too.

The second you say shit's new, then it is. When you continue to choose it or persist, you'll notice the wheels moving. After a week, month, months, or a year or more, your circumstances are going to dramatically change. They can literally happen over night if you like your shit to move fast too. After a while, you're going to understand the mechanics of how YOU personally manifest and what you like to do vs what you don't. There's no one size fits all. It doesn't matter if you've tried a thousand techniques. As long as you say everything you do is working and you are a stubborn motherfucker, your mind's going to get used to it and will stop fighting you on everything, especially if you're neurodivergent. Speaking from experience. When you tell your brain who's boss consistently, it takes you at your word and the trust you have in yourself to choose the best outcomes you develop from your self concept starts running in the background. It'll become easier to self-soothe, reassure yourself, and regulate your nervous system. When you say you're in control, your universe says 'okay, bet' and you'll find those resources easily or you'll start naturally doing them.

You're constantly investing in what works for you or works against you. You're either trusting in things working or working against your favor. That's why it's always good to think great things about yourself regardless of circumstances how things look or seem or how the past played out. All outcomes shift immediately with your awareness of what you think is possible. Your senses are limited and this is why it's crucial to let your imagination do the rest. Because shit always catches up. Your brain can't tell the difference between what you think you're experiencing vs what you actually are irl.

So if you continually tell yourself good things are happening or will, there has to be a confirmation bias for that. Your brain runs off your logic at all times. Therefore, you can rationalize that anything can work and it will. From a nitty gritty pov, you should always make sure to still be reasonable about shit, like to not blow your rent on some bs in one night. But after a while, you'll be able to do that and it won't be a problem. Don't stress your mental bandwidth out like that at first unless you have the inner resources to lock in on a good outcome. Dream big and do all things big, but do so safely without risking your mental health.

Whatever you invest in, positive or negative, will always pay off. Choose them wisely :)

[wanderingblindly]

as i've gotten three different choscar kiss prompts (are yall. ok?), and idk when I'll get to them, i figured i could split the difference by sharing some of my choscar wip. is that a fair exchange? choscar anons pls love me premise is: charles as the "childhood best friend's older brother". oscar as the long-term down-bad idiot. charles is now -- surprise! -- oscar's boss at his new job.

Mr. To You

Is he allowed to use his phone? How often is too often to get up and wander towards the café? Is it weird to explore the floor a bit? Maybe introduce himself to his new coworkers?

He looks over at Max – sat in a different row, the middle desk – and notes the distinct lack of cell on his desk. That probably settles at least one question, doesn't it? Movement from the corner of his eye catches his attention; he shifts to take a not-so-subtle look, face freezing between two expressions: shock and abject terror.

Walking down their half of the hallway, waving good morning to a man that Oscar can't see, is a ghost from Oscar's past.

Or rather, a ghost from his entire childhood, teenagehood, and adolescence.

His shoes, light brown Italian leather, perfectly elegant and perfectly on trend, tap against the short-pile carpet as he draws closer – flashing another smile towards Max, whose shoulders visibly tense from behind.

Oscar feels the hairs on the back of his neck prickle, red-hot heat rushing under his skin like he's been doused in boiling water. Time seems to move in slow motion as he takes another step closer, as his hand – adorned with an oversized watch that should look horrendously gaudy, but rather highlights the span of his palm – moves to undo the button of his navy blazer.

And his chin turns, pink lips parted to flash yet another smile.

At him.

Charles Leclerc, the object of his hormone-fueled fixations since before he even had hormones to blame, looks at him – brilliant green eyes catching his with ease, dimple starting to show as he mouths 'good mor–'

Before he can finish, Oscar bolts; he scrambles to his feet and dashes towards the glass door a few steps behind him.

He's moving before he even realizes it, storming out onto the small balcony and stumbling over the wrought-iron seating set. He nearly falls flat on his face, which – at this point – may have been a mercy. Maybe if he punches in his nose and knocks out his teeth, Charles Leclerc won't even remember who he is – maybe he'll get to go home and quit over the phone, and no one would ever need to know.

The beating sun feels like ice compared to the blood pressing up against his skin, painting him a frantic, alarming shade of pink.

Not even taking a moment to calm his racing heart, Oscar pulls out his phone.

Oscar Piastri

What the fuck did you do

Arthur

yes yes good morning

im good! how are you???

Oscar Piastri

ARTHUR

Arthur

so polite, i am always saying this

why is it always me thats doing something??????

what the fuck did YOU do?? huh???

[fae-morrigan]

Someone put a post (where they admit they straight up dont know these characters lol, and also spell damian as 'damien' so like. yknow.) in the tags saying that if you're a fan of Jon & Jay, you shouldn't buy super son. Well, as the crowned CEO of Jay & Jon, I'm here to tell you guys that you absolutely should.

Super Son did the amazing thing of hitting several marks that I predicted while still managing to surprise me in how they hit them. Which is high praise for any story: A great narrative should be able to both meet reasonable audience expectations (i.e, staying in character, setup payoff) WHILE STILL throwing in curveballs that tell you something new.

There's a lot I want to analyze and get into, namely how I think the rooftop conversation between Jon & Nia is really brilliantly done in what it says about both characters, but mainly I've been thinking a lot about how great those last few pages were and how I think Sina absolutely nails how Jon & Jay's specific issues interact with each other.

Jay's always been a blunt person. From their first meeting back in SOKE 2, hes said what he thinks, and rarely does he try and soften himself. More than that, his bluntness is often a shield from vulnerability, which Jay struggles with the whole scene. It makes total sense, after what hes experienced (re-traumatization at the hands of a friend) that he's displaying that trait again.

Jon, however, is immediately vulnerable. This is the most poignant confession of the issue: Not even in the amazing sequence of Nia helping him make a place in the darkness (look, its back, thanks isabel!) do we get this admission of fear.

And Jay, like always, embraces him. Sidenote, LOVE how they got in the thing Jon does where he's constantly tucking his face in people's shoulders during hugs.

But the moment ends, and we get here. First of all, cold af. I could feel the aura before I turned the page.

Second of all: Jay is totally valid in feeling this way. And it makes perfect sense that he would.

Sara was his everything. Getting her back was one of his main motivations in SOKE. Because of Nia's actions, she died horribly (do you know what happens to a person when they fall from that sort of height? I do. Its AWFUL.) for an unjust cause. Of course he's glad she can't hurt anyone else!

And that's when we get to my FAVORITE PART! Oh how I love this bit. Because like. You understand why Jon's angry- Its a harsh thing for Jay to say! Nia was the one who kept him sane while he was trapped in his own mind! But Jay, like always, is RIGHT: Jon DOESN'T get it. How could he?

Jon Kent will NEVER, ever, be put in this position. Out of universe, his parents are Clark Kent and Lois Lane. They'll ALWAYS come back. Hell, the fact they'll always come back is something Ma LITERALLY says to Jon in SOKE. He will never, ever have to know this pain.

In universe, Jon's a white american. Despite being queer, despite being an alien, he'll never know what its like to be this kind of collateral, delegated as pawns in a greater war for 'freedom'. That is what killed Sara at the end of the day: imperialism.

This next bit hurts my heart. Great job, guys!

For one: Jon claims he's not excusing the mistakes Nia made, but by downplaying it like this... yes he is. But did you catch that part? Right at the start of that bubble?

"I'm going to fight every day to make up for my own part in this."

That's where it clicked for me. Something I had been hoping for since Nicole first called them twin flames.

He's projecting.

Of COURSE he's defending Nia. Of COURSE he wants Jay to forgive her. It isn't just about the fact that she gave him support, it isn't just the dreams, its the fact that... well. If Jay can't forgive her... how could he EVER forgive HIM?

THIS is where the fact that Jon and Nia are so similar as character SINGS. They become mirrors to each other, evaluating their own self worth through the other, at the unintentional expense of the people they've hurt.

Jay's right, though. Again. Its almost like he's the embodiment of the truth or something. He doesn't HAVE to do anything.

When he starts crying though, I immediately was RUINED. This is the first time we have EVER seen him cry before during his entire existence of a character. And its not really even because his mom is dead (though yes, that) and its not even because of the argument. Its because Jay fundamentally wants to be understood, and he's not getting that.

Which is important for the next bit:

I want to first backtrack a bit to Son of Kal El again, specifically, issue fourteen, right here.

Hello, two-panel sequence that succinctly describes these two as characters. How convenient you are for me, a guy analyzing a work that isn't written prose.

Jon isn't good at letting go, for better or for worse. The things he cares about stay with him, and when something or someone tries to exit his life, he clings to them with all his might.

Jay however, both selflessly and selfishly, is willing to let go first if he thinks its better for the other person. To me this line so effortlessly summarizes who Jay is- he's a person who's accustomed to not having things, and will leave before it hurts and he gets too attached.

And that thought is ALL over this scene. Jay, who begins to let go, Jon, who both literally and physically CLINGS to jay, practically begging him to stay.

(Sidenote. This is like, the third time Jay mentions breaking up when Jon starts acting up. Good for you king, keep that white boy on his toes, let him know he ain't all that.)

Every little detail of this four panel sequence is killing me. "My worst nightmare is not having a home with you in it." His greatest desire. The thing that kept tipping him off in every fake reality Nia constructed for him- Jay's absence. Him wiping the tear of Jay's cheek. Jay walking away from him.

But what really gets me is how on this page, Jon talks about them as 'we', while Jay is firmly stuck in 'I.'

This is what made me LOSE MY MARBLES at three in the morning. Just utterly fucking off my rocker in a straightjacket talking to myself.

Because this is what JON wants. But is it what JAY wants?

Jon never asks.

What about what Jay fears? What about the life that HE wants? What if he doesn't want San Francisco? What if the life he wants is the life he HAD before everything went wrong? Jon outright says he wants a fresh start. But Jay, Jay's someone with such deep connections to what he just lost, what he likely WANTS to get back. His country. His mother. His sense of self. But. He says yes.

(Sidenote. FIRST I LOVE YOU WOOOOOOOOOO) To quote my buddy Dami: Oh, the drama of needing a future with someone who can't get over the past.

It is left unclear, by the end, whether or not Jay is saying yes to this because he genuinely wants to, or if he's only saying yes because he doesn't want to lose Jon, too. Jon doesn't stop to question whether or not Jay's only reaching after him because Jon's walking away. We, the audience, are left to ponder that for ourselves.

How much of Jay saying yes is him just accepting that this is the best he's going to get? That he's never going to be understood because nobody wants to understand?

He's an afterthought to Nia, an obstacle at best, and to Jon he's a particularly handsome prop in this little fantasy he has of running away and starting new. He's either not thought of at all, or when he is thought about, it's in the context of how he can emotionally fulfill the other person And you get why Jon did this. He's desperate, he's hurting, he just got tangible evidence that the time he has with the people he loves isn't ever guaranteed. He's been needing space from Clark and Lois for MONTHS because god knows they haven't been fulfilling his emotional needs. In a very real sense, Jay is who he has.

But wanting someone to stay with you so much that you'll... Not even ignore, but just not ever consider what they may want. The intentional isolation, moving halfway across the country away from all support systems. The need to cling to someone.

It reminds me of... something. Someone.

Don't tell Jon I made this comparison. He'll kill himself. Jon and Ultraman ARE similar. They're both such deeply lonely people who cling very tightly and even though it manifests in different ways and even though they have different core thoughts about it. The effect at the end of the day is the same, isn't it?

Is loving Jay not a brutal act of destruction?

There's so many more details about this story I love. Jon & Nia's conversation being vague enough that you have no idea how Jon meant what he told her but you KNOW how NIA took it (girl you can do better hes literally ugly!). Jon breaking a pillar by bonking his head against it (LMFAO). The pretty lies vs ugly truth dichotomy of Jay vs Nia here.

But this one scene, man. This one fucking scene takes the cake. STELLAR work all around. Every panel counts.

This better lead into a full Superman & Gossamer run or SOMETHING or I'm going to have WORDS with DC's editorial staff.

[l-in-the-light]

Why is Law more stressed, more serious and often grumpy and annoyed in Wano? Thought he would be relieved after Luffy defeated Deflamingo 🤔he couldn't even relax at the banquet 😑

Broody Law is actually my favourite Law, which means I enjoyed him so much in Wano ❤ But why is he delivering behaving like that, indeed? Let's summarize the Wano experience from his side, shall we?

his alliance with Strawhats gets sidetracked because Luffy went to Big Mom to retrieve Sanji. He barely avoided a conflict (not really)

he's stuck at Wano, worrying his ass off for Luffy, hoping he's not left with half of Strawhats crew to take care for forever now

everyone is dying of hunger and getting sick in Wano, because they can't stop drinking water from the polluted river

Luffy finally arrives, Bepo gets sick, Luffy in the meantime does The Worst Thing Possible and Law's efforts to patch up the situation do not work out

Luffy snaps and runs off to fight Kaido

Kaido bombs away Strawhats and Hearts crews while Luffy and Law are already near town and can't do shit about it

he fails to stop Luffy from fighting Kaido

he fails to stop Kaido from putting Luffy in prison

freaking Hawkins getting in his way

crews turn out to be fine, but freaking Kinemon soon leaves to find remaining Akazaya samurais. Now the whole raid plan and making sure it's not exposed is Law's job. On top of that, he needs to take care not only of his Heart Pirates, but also Strawhats, because their captain is in jail. Two crews, a raid plan and the weight of 20 years of revenge is all hanging on Law's neck.

freaking Germa (he's a Sora follower, ok)

he almost throws it all away when Hearts get put in prison

he's got accussed that his crew is crap and he should just kill them off, all that coming from his very own allies he's been taking care of for last couple of weeks!

freaking Hawkins again

getting tortured (just another monday morning amirite)

finding traitor and making sure the raid doesn't fail in the process. Is Luffy finally out of that prison, what is he doing there? Or maybe, that's for the best, he can't make the situation even worse...

Luffy arrives late to the raid and late to the rooftop battle

Luffy brought freaking Eustass Kid to the raid

Luffy is ordering him around in front of freaking Eustass Kid

Luffy tells him to get along with freaking Eustass Kid

Zoro-ya almost died on his watch

Kurashi-ya (literally) caught him in a middle of an embarrassing blunder

Eustass Kid is behaving like a newborn baby and Law has to babysit him

LUFFY BROUGHT FREAKING BIG MOM TOGETHER WITH HIM

now it's Law's job to fight Big Mom. He didn't sign up for this!

Luffy nearly drowned in the sea while fighting Kaido

Luffy lost and died while fighting Kaido

Luffy got revived and won against Kaido

Law had to make bigass room, bigger than anything he made in Dressrosa, probably cutting down on his lifespan in the process

Law has to take care of stuff no one cares about after the raid succeeds, which is taking care of the ships, searching for the poneglyphs (no one but him cared for that in the middle of the raid!) and probably patching many, many people up

he ends up stranded with Robin in some moldy underground chamber for hours, while being seriously exhausted, sleep deprived and in the middle of recovery from his injuries

he doesn't join in the banquet out of spite (no one told him about Jimbei joining the Strawhats. Is Law a joke to them?!), besides just in case a certain Luffy would assault him there, make him go all night long eating and playing around and celebrating, all the while probably bugging him to become a 100% part of the Strawhat crew or at least extend their alliance to together forever status.

And that's just the major things listed! I'm sure I missed some details here and there.

Overall, I think he was stressed and exhausted, because he was carrying a lot of responsibility (and the stakes were extremely high!), at certain points almost the whole raid plan's success was depending solely on him, while others merrily ignored the dangers. He also had two crews to take care of for the whole arc, constantly worried himself over Luffy, got pissed at Eustass Kid and had to cooperate with him (he hates that dude!), and at the end of it his world got almost turned upside down in worst possible way (Luffy dying and raid failing as the result, and the vision of all of them dying flashed before his eyes).

As Bepo reveals to us in the midst of Winner Island escape, Law wants to stay behind with his crew even if it kills him and needs to be reassured that no one is dying there. That suggests Law doesn't deal well with people close to him dying, which shouldn't surprise us after what happened in Flevance and later also to Cora-san. I'm sure Wano hit Law harder than we expect, because there he was, finally believing in people again (Luffy), only for Luffy to die on him as well. Old issues must have resurfaced and his fear of losing people worsened as the result.

I think we should cut him some slack, shouldn't we? Wano was definitely not a walk in the park for Law, especially psychologically-wise. Though to be fair, he could relax and laze around a bit, we see it happen, right before Strawhat Luffy waltzes into the country. That was the last time we saw him actually calm and resting, so I guess that alone gives us another answer to your question as well ;)

And then his alliance ended, and we know Law doesn't like dramatic things, which also means overly emotional goodbyes. It was probably pretty difficult for him to part ways and maybe he thought it would be easier if he avoided Luffy for most of the time after the raid finished. And then Chopper went and almost blew all his efforts up with his warm send-off! Law owes a lot to Strawhats and his debt is only getting bigger, but it won't change his withholding personality.

Did Law find peace after Mingo was defeated? Not exactly, because I don't believe Doflamingo was Law's end goal. Just take a look at his reaction when Luffy finally wins:

Everyone is crying and celebrating, but Law's face looks like this instead. Does this look like a face of a person who finally got rid of his demons and is set free? What about Flevance, are we forgetting that? Law has a lot on his plate, Mingo was simply one of the obstacles in his way (but an important one!). If you want to know more about what I think about Law's end goals, I wrote about it here: https://www.tumblr.com/l-in-the-light/761556630027616256 (the topic starts somewhere around the second picture). That's why I don't think he is at peace or that his revenge is over and we shouldn't expect him to completely "move on" or reach perfect closure just because Mingo is now out of the picture.

There's one exception though. I do believe Law is showing his emotions more openly after Dressrosa. And I think it's actually a sign of him healing and partially moving on.

Because just look at this. Law was always annoyed with his beloved Cora-san as well, and yet we never doubt he loved him dearly. In Wano Law is acting the same way towards the Strawhats, openly showing when he's annoyed and angry. That's how he shows affection and worry. Compare it to Punk Hazard, when he's always holding back, stoic and cold, keeping his comments and reactions to bare minimum. Dressrosa changed everything in Law's emotional department. And the result is that he did open up to his allies.

Also I feel like it's my duty to remind the world about this, often overlooked, fact: so far Law celebrated in the feast exactly one time, in Dressrosa. He didn't join in on Punk Hazard, Zou or Wano. So it's not really a "Wano thing", but more like Law almost always choosing other things over feasting ;) personally, I think it's because of that "30 minutes on festival" rule he had in his household as a child. He's probably not used to just playing around for hours. Besides, we should never underestimate Law's pettiness. Not joining the celebration might have been as well just a petty payback of his, for every offense that happened to him in Wano, lol.

I'm not sure if you liked my answer, anon, but I hope you at least smiled a bit when I tried to mimick Law's grumpiness in this post :D

[altocat]

I want more of Glenn being a dad to Sephi 🥺

Glenn finds the boy perched atop a stray tree trunk overlooking the beach, fidgeting nervously as he gazes up at the clear evening sky.

"There you are! Was looking everywhere for you, kid. It's getting kind of chilly out here. We got the fire going. You should come rest."

"I'm okay," the boy quietly replies, his blue eyes luminous in the dark. "I'll come over in a bit."

"You're young. Young'uns like you need a good night's sleep. Big day tomorrow, even for famous heroes."

"I'm alright."

Glenn just grunts, crossing his arms. He moves to sit next to the boy, watching the dark waves in the far distance, tracing Sephiroth's curious gaze towards the glinting trail of murky stars just behind the clouds. They sit there for a while, taking in the stillness, listening to the soft wind, the various chips and squeaks of tiny creatures in the forest. Sephiroth fidgets, playing with his bangs.

"Glenn?"

"Mm?"

"Did you mean what you said? That you'd help me?"

"Help with what?"

"To become a hero." A nervous gulp. "A REAL hero, I mean."

"Sure, why not? I mean, you're already halfway there."

Sephiroth only shrugs, watching the sky, his expression almost unreadable apart from the mild crease between his eyes. "I guess. It doesn't really feel that way though. I want this mission to go well. I want to be efficient. I...I'm SUPPOSED to be."

Glenn only frowns, staring at the boy for a long, slow moment. He grunts and nudges the boy's shoulder, grinning broadly despite the worry in his stair. "You're so depressing, boss. You know that? You're doing FINE. Finer than fine. Matt said we're AHEAD of schedule."

"But I still need to--"

"Need to what? Sprout wings? Level the entire island overnight? You're already doing a good job. You don't have to push yourself so much. You'll just burn out. And trust me, you'll never get ANYTHING done that way."

"I...I suppose."

Silence again. Glenn hums to himself. Sephiroth wrings his hands in his lap, touches his necklace a thousand times over. Familiar patterns. Soothing patterns. Deep breaths.

"Glenn?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you really think I could be a hero?"

"You got all the right qualities. You're strong. And you're a good leader. Not that I wasn't doing just fine before you dropped in, but ah..." A jaunty smirk. A wink. "Heh, don't even worry about that hero stuff, alright? Baby steps. You'll get there little by little. It's like riding a bike, you know?"

"Oh..."

"One day at a time. But you got this. You'll find your way. Just keep pushing. Find something that speaks to you. I know you'll do great. I really mean that, Seph."

Another beat of silence, longer than the last. Sephiroth's cheeks are pink, swinging his feet as he touches the necklace again. He tries to harden his expression, but can't quite manage, an involuntary tenderness sparking in his gaze, hiding behind his bangs. Glenn only grins. He picks up a pebble and tosses it below, watching it track the murky water, watching the ripples roll and expand. He laughs, but at nothing in particular, all warm sounds, warm feelings.

The wind rises. Falls. Rises again. The sky is dark and full of constellations. The birds are gathering somewhere far across the coast. And the night is still.

And fragile.

And fleeting.

"Glenn?"

"Yeah?"

".... What's a bike?"

[reyreadersblog]

ALRIGHT Y'ALL MADE ME DO IT!!!

My unpopular tig/tgg opinions!!

FIRST!

These are MY opinions and i'm allowed to have my own thoughts on certian things, just as you are, okay..? Just wanna..get this out of way, i know everyone is respectful in this fandombut still.

1. this is something that should NOT be an upopular opinion. AVERY IS THE MAIN CHARACTER FOR A REASON. okay? She is a girlboss, and she needs more appretiation, cus literally search up tig on tt rn. Everybody and their cat named Stewie is talking about Grayson and Jameson? WHAT ABOUT MY MG AVERY? And if you see any post about her, it's probably a hate vid about how Avery should've kept the money...SHUT UP. Read what she said carefully..."no one deserves that kind of power.." and then think about it deeply.

2. I DO NOT WANT TIG TO TURN INTO A TV SERIES (or even a movie). i can't name all the reasons 'cus then the the list would be endless. First of all, i know, I JUST KNOW, they'll choose the worst cast ever. And even if they find the most accurate cast for the Hawthorne brother i will still be dissapointed, because the images of them i have in my head...THEY'LL NEVER TOP EM. second of all, they will leave out important moments, just as simple as it sounds, and trust me they will, just like they do with most of the live adaptations of books. Third of all, SHIP WARS!!! I phisically can't with ship war, like I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF EM IN THE PAST WHEN THE BOOKS WERE STILL COMING OUT. And just the thought of Averygrayson shipper saying "yeah Avery and jameson were endgame in the books but they might change it in the movie..." GIVES ME NIGHTMARES. and overall, not everything needs a live adaptation yk? sometimes things just have to stay the way they are.

3. ...this is a bit contrevertial.and i don't want to sound like a hater since i've said this a multiple times before but Rohan's pov was my least favourite in the grandest games. Purely bcs whatever Savannah and Rohan had going on...don't get me wrong, i like Savannah (even tho she did and said some fucked up things) and Rohan, SEPERATLY. But them being together...idk man, they were too..."booktokish" for my liking, yk? and i do love banter and teasing, but they were like basic "i like you but i like winning more" "couple". Not to mention they were so random...like where did they come from? I remember when we first saw Sav and Rohan having the same symbols on their cards i was very excited, i expected a different dynamic between them...PLUS THE WHOLE GAME THEY JUST WANTED TO FUCK💀

4. Hating Alisa Ortega and loving Grayson Hawthorne is CRAZYYY, and i'm saying this bcs they're pretty similar in different ways. And the thing is people are mad at Alisa for "saying mean words to Libby" (she was literally doing her job, you would understand if you were at her place) MEANWHILE GRAYSON LITERALLY THREATENED A HEIRESS! (sayin this as a Gray stan) *sigh* y'all are something else🤦🏻‍♀️.

5. Ohh...this one is risky...BUT CAN Y'ALL STOP ACTING LIKE JAMESON IS BLAMELESS?? all i see is Grayson slander, AND I UNDERSTAND, he fucked up, but saying "Jameson was so much better than Grayson" is a lie, at least for me. (He was better for Avery tho) he fs made mistakes that fandoms chooses to ignore. Like lets not act like treating Avery like a toy wasn't wrong. Lets not act like him blaming Grayson for everything wasn't wrong. Let's not act like him reminding Grayson of Emily's death wasn't wrong. And i know that later on both him and Grayson had a great character development, but still, i've never seen anyone talk about this.

6. This isn't about tig. But LIKING JLBS WORK AND BEING HER FAN DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE GLAZING HER💀 (talking about an argument i had a while ago...) like is it so hard for your brain to understand that it's called having an opinion. Idc if it's JLB or any other author, okay? Like i've read almost every Jlb's books and i love them, AND i also publicly talk about how much iblove her work, does that mean i'm glazing her? UHM NO WTF💀.

7. LET. PEOPLE. HAVE. PREFRENCE. (I'm talking about ships btw) . Someone prefers LyraGray over Averyjameson, and that's okay. Someone loves Averyjameson the most, and that's also okay, someone likes Libbynash more then Xandermax, AND THAT IS ALSO OKAY.

I'll probably do part 2, i have more to say i'm just really tired rn.

Also it's not proof read so sorry if there are many mistakes.

[tobiasdrake]

Digimon Adventure 01x45 - Clash of the Ultimate Levels! WarGreymon vs. MetalGarurumon / The Ultimate Clash

Previously on Digimon Adventure: In a fit of insecurity, Yamato stormed off to go talk to manosphere bros who filled his brain with the most toxic rhetoric you could imagine. Meanwhile, Pinocchimon stamped his foot and started a shit-slinging contest because Takeru wouldn't play with him and ended up getting shit on his face.

Now, the Ultimate Clash of Ultimate Levels begins... Ultimately!

Hoping the kids at home forgot where we left off, we open in a very different position for MetalGarurumon. When last we saw them, Yamato was with the kids while MetalGarurumon was quite a ways away, challenging Agumon to fight.

Apparently what he meant by "I won't miss the next shot" was that there wasn't gonna be a next shot, 'cause he was gonna turn and walk over to Yamato's side as soon as the camera was off him.

Takeru: Onii-chan.... Jou: Q-Quit joking around, Yamato! We're nakama, aren't we!? Yamato: Nakama? Jou: That's right, nakama! The nakama of Chosen Children! Yamato: Hmph. Then here's a question. Who was it that chose us? Jou: It was.... Yamato: If you can't answer that, then how can you call us nakama? Jou: (sheepish) Okay, sure, but....

Jou tries so hard to Senpai this away but Yamato, armed with new Debate Bro artillery, DESTROYS SENPAI in the arena of logic.

In seriousness, Yamato does raise a good point here. The nakama in question are a bunch of children forced together, drafted to fight a war by a mysterious someone that to date has not revealed themselves.

Nakama, the tight-knit bond of a group of people pursuing a mutual activity or goal, is their principle bond with one another. They weren't friends before this. Some individual relationships existed between them; mainly the two sets of siblings and the soccer club kids. But their principle relationship is that of being survivors and siblings-in-arms in this conflict that none of them volunteered for.

You can see the subtitles struggling with the hard-to-translate nature of nakama here. "We're Chosen Children so that makes us friends" doesn't really compute as a line of logic; What he's saying is that being Chosen Children is the mutual activity that our nakama is formed around.

Probably should have gone with "team" for nakama's translation here rather than "friends". This dialogue would have been way easier to translate that way. "Team" doesn't apply to all forms of nakama; The martial arts nakama of Dragon Ball are only occasionally a team. But for shonen protag crews, it's often a good choice.

So Yamato here makes a painfully solid argument: If the foundation of their nakama is shaky than what really are they to one another? "We have to get along because we're Chosen Children" explain to me what that means. Jou can't, because their superiors have been withholding information every step along the way. They've been handled like grunts, given intel purely on a need-to-know basis.

The dub can't resist giving Tai the first word in this conversation he's not yet a part of.

Tai: Calm down, Matt! Don't get so bent out of shape! The last thing we need right now is a hothead with attitude! You've got more important things to think about! T.K.: Everyone's upset. Joe: Look, all I know is that this stupid bickering is giving me a gigantic headache! Matt: Chill out. Joe: Matt, have you forgotten that we have been chosen to be the DigiDestined? Matt: Hmph! And would you mind telling me who exactly chose us for this dumb job anyway!? Joe: I... Uh.... Matt: Come on! I want some answers and you can't seem to give 'em to me! Joe: You have a point there....

As with the end of the previous episode, the vibe is totally changed. In the original, the other kids are shocked and stunned that Yamato is turning on them, and were struggling to even form sentences, but in the dub they fully comprehended what was happening and were outraged by it.

We see that here too. Tai's extra line to kick us off is a full-scale browbeating of Matt for his audacity, with Takeru's stunned "Onii-chan...." changed to back up Tai.

The problem of nakama rears its head here too; They don't even try to make "We're the nakama of Chosen Children" work. They leave any possible interpretation of nakama out completely.

But the dub's version also struggles with the original decision to change Chosen Children to DigiDestined. Destiny doesn't necessarily imply an active individual making choices on their behalf; It can, but it can just as easily be something mystical and unknowable.

Matt would sound goofy trying to say "Yeah, and WHO DESTINED US HUH!?!?"

So Joe's forced to say "We were chosen to be DigiDestined" to allow Matt to pivot to Yamato's armor-piercing "Who chose us?" question. But with the change in vibe, he just sounds whiny. It lacks the power of the original, especially when he follows up and yells at Joe about wanting answers to something that... Like. Didn't have anything to do with his beef until this exact moment.

With Jou soundly defeated, it's Taichi's turn to step in.

Taichi: Jou. There's no point trying to resolve this. Yamato is this kind of guy. Yamato: "This kind of guy"...? You don't know anything about me! Taichi: I do know you! You're just throwing a tantrum because things aren't going the way you want them to. Yamato: (sarcastic) Well, aren't you incredible? Even I don't really understand the kind of person I am, but you know me perfectly!

Of course, Taichi's involvement only serves to escalate matters because Taichi isn't really the "talking things down" kind of guy. His brand of bold recklessness isn't well-suited to de-escalating a tense situation.

Sora steps in to try and be the peacemaker as usual.

Sora: That's enough of that, you two. Taichi: You don't have to tell me that! Yamato's the one picking a fight with me!

Taichi reacts defensively to Sora's scolding, childishly throwing down the "He started it!" line. (In his defense, he is a child. They all are.) He's not wrong but he was escalating it, which is why Sora angled that remark at the both of them.

In the dub:

Tai: Don't waste your time, Joe. Matt's just being a big, spoiled brat! Matt: You're the brat! Why don't you go mind your own business!? Tai: The problem with you is pretty easy to figure out! You're upset because you want to be the boss! Matt: Yeah, like I want to be the boss of THIS sorry group. If any of you brainiacs want to take charge, be my guest. I say we should just take care of ourselves! Sora: Stop fighting, you two! We've got to stick together! Tai: Don't look at me! Matt's the one who started it! He's got a bug up his nose!

The bug goes up his butt but I guess they couldn't get that past the censors.

Matt's still off-script, now advocating directly for dissolving the team entirely and having everyone go their separate ways. This is rooted in the individualist rhetoric that Jureimon fed Yamato; It's what the "Okay but are we even really a nakama?" bit was about.

It's not so far off from the opinions he claimed to have when he was talking to Takeru back at the breaking of the fellowship in the PicoDevimon arc, though his actions towards Jou betrayed his professed opinions then. As Yamato said, he doesn't even understand himself.

"Why don't you go mind your own business?" Matt. My dude. I know new episode who dis but this argument is about you wanting to fight Tai. This is, without question, Tai's business. What is this line?

The argument also (sigh) makes this about who gets to be Team Leader again. A topic that has nothing to do with anything Taichi and Yamato have ever locked horns about.

In any case, something about Yamato attacking him is making Taichi feel attacked so he tries to storm off.

Taichi: I don't have to listen to this! (storms off) Agumon: You've grown up, Taichi!

I'm not 100% sure what Agumon means by that but I think he's complimenting Taichi for "being the bigger person" so to speak and walking away from this. Unfortunately, MetalGarurumon isn't going to let Taichi opt out.

MetalGarurumon: That's not happening!

MetalGarurumon leaps over Taichi and Agumon's heads, landing on the opposite side to block their exit.

Taichi: This is going too far, Yamato! Yamato: Fight me! Taichi: I told you no! Don't you understand that!? MetalGarurumon: (angry) YOU'RE THE ONES WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! Taichi: (startled) A-Are you serious!? Agumon: (steps in front of Taichi) Taichi, stay back!

When MetalGarurumon snaps, he doesn't just yell at Taichi; He directs that at omae-tachi, using the plural suffix -tachi to direct that statement at everyone.

In the dub, Agumon doesn't give Tai credit for his maturity because he's stuck on Tai's misused phrase.

Tai: Hmph! I don't have to listen to this! Agumon: Bug up the nose? That's a bad thing? (Tai and Agumon exit) MetalGarurumon: One moment! (MetalGarurumon jumps in front of them) Tai: WAUGH!!! Don't push me too far! Matt: Oh, I'm scaaaaaared. Tai: You had better be scared! I'm getting really mad! MetalGarurumon: Excuuuuuse me, but what are you gonna do about it?

Taichi here reiterates his refusal to fight Yamato, while Tai starts pushing back and threatening to throw down as an intimidation tactic. But you can't intimidate someone who's already made up his mind to fight you. Tai's threatening Matt with a good time.

The dub here inserts the cut shot of Pinocchimon back up on his tree perch that they carved out of the ending of last episode.

Puppetmon: So! Those little twerps are about to self-destruct! I'll just sit back and enjoy the show!

This is their segue for breaking up the conversation and cutting to commercial. When we come back to commercial, we rejoin MetalGarurumon in the shot from the last line he delivered.

MetalGarurumon: STAY RIGHT THERE!!! Tai: Get real, dude! Agumon: (steps in front of Tai) Watch it! Stand back!

From here, MetalGarurumon lunges at Taichi and Agumon. This is enough to finally push Agumon into Warp-Evolving to WarGreymon. Show Me Your Brave Heart does not play over this evolution sequence; There is nothing to get amped up about in this.

WarGreymon deflects MetalGarurumon's pounce.

WarGreymon: Stop it! There's no reason to fight! MetalGarurumon: You may not have one, but I do!

MetalGarurumon tackles WarGreymon, shoving him back. WarGreymon takes to the sky above, with MetalGarurumon following him up. There, in the sky, the fight begins.

WarGreymon opens with a sweeping kick, though the metallic sound his attack makes on impact leaves it ambiguous as to whether he did any damage. MetalGarurumon retaliates by biting him in the elbow, sinking his fangs into WarGreymon's exposed flesh and prompting him to roar in pain.

In the dub:

WarGreymon: There is no need for us to fight. MetalGarurumon: I must.

This time it's the dub's turn to have MetalGarurumon resigned and matter-of-fact while the original is aggressive and pushy. A funny reversal from the start of their conflict last episode.

Yamato watches the fighting above them. Suddenly, Taichi marches up to him.

Yamato: Finally ready to fight me?

Taichi answers Yamato's question with a punch to the face.

Taichi: Do you understand why I hit you? Yamato: Yeah! It's because you want to fight me too. Taichi: YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!

Today in Japanese vulgarities: bakayarou. As I've mentioned before, Japanese language tends to attack people's actions or words rather than the person themselves. Even using a second-person pronoun can be considered rude in a variety of contexts.

Which brings us to bakayarou. Baka, of course, is the classic "stupid" insult seen all over anime. Adding the yarou modifier to a word is a vulgar way of saying, in a language that looks down on directly targeting words at individuals, "YOU are the thing I am describing." Often times, it gets translated as "bastard".

Like all language, there's a lot of flexibility in how it's used. But there is little ambiguity in screaming bakayarou at someone in the middle of a fistfight.

Taichi punctuates his outburst with a right hook. Yamato recoils from the hit.

Yamato: Sorry for being such an idiot, then!

Yamato punches Taichi, sending him stumbling back towards a tree. He follows up with a left punch, hitting Taichi dead in the face. Taichi recovers quickly, darting to the side to avoid Yamato's third punch and then nailing Yamato with one of his own.

(I'm sorry, Yamato, but I don't actually think you're going to outfight Reckless Bold Action Guy.)

Up in the air, MetalGarurumon swoops around WarGreymon, tackling him from the back and pushing him back down towards the forest.

In the dub:

Matt: What's the matter, you chicken!?

In a hilarious fit of censorship, they cut the impact from Tai's punch and the entire "Do you know why I hit you" to "BAKAYAROU!!!" exchange. They replace it with a shot from later in the episode of Takeru calling out to them.

T.K.: MAAAAAAATT!!! I'm gonna tell Mom that you were fighting! Matt: Sorry, T.K., but I have to do this!

Matt uses his lip flaps from "Sorry for being such an idiot!", then comes back in and swings at Tai for what is, in this version, the second punch. And the last for this part of the scene; We see Tai stumbling back from it, and then Yamato's follow-up swings are also cut. We go straight from there to MetalGarurumon bringing down WarGreymon.

Taichi and Yamato fight offscreen, with the sounds of punching in the background as the others yell at them.

Jou: Both of you, stop it now! Koushiro: Please stop this! Sora: Taichi! Calm down! Taichi: You don't understand what this is about! This punch isn't coming from me. This is FROM PICCOLOMON!!! (Taichi punches Yamato) Taichi: THIS ONE IS CHUUMON'S!!! (Taichi scores a second punch) Taichi: AND THIS IS WHAMON'S!!!

With a third and final punch (Wizarmon doesn't get one, I guess) Taichi knocks Yamato flat on his back. While Yamato tries to get b ack to his feet, Taichi kneels down and grabs him by his shirt.

Taichi: Yamato! Do you really think the Digimon who died for us... (voice breaks) ...would want us having this pointless fight!?

This is a strong moment for Taichi because it connects back to what he was trying (and failing) to say to Mimi and the others back at the graves. Taichi's words were thoughtless, he's bad at empathizing with other people's feelings, but they weren't malicious.

Taichi is grieving. He is as traumatized by all this as the others. But his trauma response is different. Grief has made him vengeful. All that stuff about "We need to take the fight to them and avenge our fallen!" is his way of processing the pain in his heart.

Taichi doesn't want to mourn; He wants violent, decisive closure.

Closeups on Taichi and Yamato's faces show that they're both crying. Taichi's eyes are misting, preparing to water, while Yamato has tears fully streaming down his face. Like Mimi, they're trying to process their own uncertainty, trauma, and grief, in their own ways.

Taichi: Do you understand now? Yamato: NO, I DON'T!!!

Yamato sucker punches Taichi suddenly, forcing him off.

Yamato: I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT AT ALL!!!

Losing himself to his feelings, Yamato starts pummeling Taichi, screaming "Kuso!", the Japanese curse word for "Shit!", over and over with each hit.

In the dub:

Joe: Both of you stop it right now! Izzy: It's ridiculous! Sora: You two are just making things worse! Tai: He's gotta be taught a lesson, and fast! Here, take this!

They pick Chuumon's punch to be the one and only punch he throws, then cut to the shot of Yamato falling on the grass; Skipping over the entire emotional breakdown of their dead friends - Though Tai still brings them up.

Tai: (grabbing Matt's shirt) I'm only doing this to honor the memory of all the great Digimon that have helped us. T_T They trusted us and believed in our commitment! Matt: T_T Tai: We can't let them down!

Matt punching himself free of Tai is then cut, and Matt simply stands up without much fuss.

Matt: (voice breaking) What if we made a mistake!? Ragh!

Too full of emotion to put much force behind that grunt, Matt swings his next punch and we skip the part where he punches his feelings out against Tai's flesh.

While Yamato is indulging in unhealthy coping mechanisms, the Digimon continue fighting above.

Palmon: What do we do? Piyomon: We have to stop them....

MetalGarurumon fires a volley of missiles from both shoulder launchers. WarGreymon is able to dodge one set, but his evasion path takes him directly into the others. MetalGarurumon scores a direct hit on his armored chest.

Tentomon: We aren't strong enough to do anything against their Ultimate forms. Tailmon: Let them tire themselves out. Gomamon: HEY!!! Don't you care about what happens to our nakama? Tailmon: Would we be able to stop them if I did? Gomamon: Well.... Tailmon: Then we have no choice but to sit back and watch. Gomamon: Damn it! You're just a newcomer so-- Tentomon: Stop that! We don't need you to start fighting too!

Hit her with your Marching Fishes, Gomamon. She's probably hungry.

In the dub:

Palmon: This is awful! Biyomon: We have to stop them! (WarGreymon hit by missiles) Tentomon: Unfortunately, they're Mega Digimon and there's nothing any of us can do about it! Gatomon: Best thing is for them to duke it out. Gomamon: I just hate fighting, and we can't let our friends destroy themselves. Gatomon: It's a dog eat dog world, isn't it? Gomamon: (confused) They're not dogs.... Gatomon: The deal is this. You just sit and watch them take care of business. Gomamon: Oh, yeah!? I don't have to like it! Tentomon: Gomamon, get a grip! The last thing we need is any more fighting around here!

Tailmon accepts the futility of intervention because they're too powerful; There's nothing the rest of us can do to stop this. Gatomon cynically tries to normalize their behavior, waxing poetic about life being cruel. That's the kind of sentiment I'd expect from her before meeting Kari.

No longer on the tree top we saw him at last episode, Pinocchimon watches the action from a lower branch.

Pinocchimon: Ehehehehe! Hahahahaha! What children, fighting over nothing!

WarGreymon lands a Brave Tornado into MetalGarurumon's face. Pinocchimon hops up and down on the branch with excitement.

Pinocchimon: Again! Again! Do it again! Keep it up until you both die!

Yamato tackles Taichi to the ground. Taichi's able to roll Yamato over, seizing control of the fight and scoring two solid face punches. Yamato grabs Taichi by his shirt suddenly and rolls backwards, flipping and throwing Taichi to escape the pin.

Takeru: STOP IT, ONII-CHAN!!! Fighting like this is bad!

Yamato answers Takeru by replaying footage of his tree punch from earlier. Finally, Mimi breaks.

Takeru: Onii-chan.... Mimi: (crying) NO MORE!!! Sora: Mimi-chan....

Mimi turns and runs away from Taichi and Yamato, making it a short distance before she crouches down beside a tree.

Mimi: (crying) Fighting and fighting... What do we get out of it!? I can't take it anymore! Sora: (approaching slowly) Mimi-chan...

This time it's Yamato's turn to be thrown off a cliff for making my kid cry.

Technically, it's Yamato and Taichi fighting that's doing this, but let's be real; Yamato is unambiguously the aggressor here, and Taichi tried repeatedly to refuse this fight. Taichi could have stood to be more tactful, but there was no talking Yamato down from this.

In the dub, Puppetmon takes credit for Cherrymon's work. What a dick!

Puppetmon: Hahahahahaha! Hehehe... Aww, I'm a genius! They're all gonna hate each other! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

WarGreymon calls Brave Tornado as Terra Force again despite that being a different attack.

Puppetmon: EEEEE!!! Go get him! Oh boy, I love a good fight!

They keep Yamato tackling Taichi to the ground and Taichi reversing the pin on him, then cut away to Mimi's departure. Even T.K.'s line gets cut; I guess because they already moved to to earlier in the episode?

But they cut it sloppily so you can catch T.K.'s mouth closing from delivering the line he no longer has before Mimi turns and runs away. Mimi, meanwhile, starts talking before turning despite not having lip flaps, so the result makes it look briefly like her voice is coming out of T.K.'s mouth.

Mimi: Ugh! I've had it! Sora: Mimi! (Mimi runs and crouches by the tree) Mimi: (crying) I'm gonna sit here and stare at the flowers until everybody starts getting along! Sora: (approaching slowly, sarcastic) Oh, like that's going to help.

They (heavy sigh) make this moment into a laugh line about how ridiculous and overdramatic Mimi is, then have Sora go ridicule her for it. Thanks, I hate it.

While Pinocchimon watches the spectacle up in the sky, Hikari sneaks off to go talk to strangers.

Hikari: Are you guys our enemies? Or allies?

Koushiro - who, I guess, is just bored with the two separate horrible fights taking place - walks over to see what's up with Hikari. He chats with Tailmon.

Koushiro: Who is Hikari-san talking to? Tailmon: I don't know. Hikari: Okay, so you're not an enemy.

Suddenly, a bright rainbow light shines down - The light is faint, filtering through the trees, but it's not unlike the aurora that delivered the children's Digivices on that fateful day in camp. Hikari's body glows brightly, and she momentarily curls into herself as if in pain.

Tailmon: HIKARI!!!

Tailmon and Koushiro hurry to her side, but Hikari continues. She takes off her Crest of Light and holds it up to the rainbow glow.

In the dub, Kari confronts the light a little more aggressively.

Kari: I'm not afraid! Well, maybe a little. (gazes at it in awe) Ahhh... My name's Kari! Please tell me who you are. Do you want to be friends with us? Gatomon: What in the Digi-World is she doing? Izzy: She appears to be conversing with herself. Gatomon: (dismissive singsong) She's losing it~! Kari: You seem to be nice enough! (Kari begins glowing and curls into herself) Gatomon: KARI!!!

Izzy and Gatomon trade roles here, and Gatomon dismissively badmouths Kari which is certainly a choice. >.> Whoever wrote the dub script for this episode decided to make Gatomon surprisingly catty. Uh. You know, in the bad way.

Once Hikari presents her Crest, the glowing gets brighter. It expands, consuming Koushiro and Tailmon before continuing outward.

Tentomon: KOUSHIRO-HAN!!! Taichi: W-What the--

The light takes Tentomon. It takes Taichi and Yamato. It takes Sora, Mimi, Jou, and Takeru. It gives Pinocchimon a tumble because he is not invited. It revokes WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon's evolutions, reverting them to Koromon and Tsunomon before taking them too.

Everyone finds themselves in a great white void, while something begins to speak through Hikari's mouth. It uses Hikari's voice and if you're paying attention to the group shot you can see her lips move but it's super subtle.

Taichi: This is...? Yamato: What sort of place even is this? Not Hikari: Wherever there is light, there will also be darkness. Darkness and light are like the two sides of the same coin. However, if the power of darkness grows larger....

A great blackness suddenly grows and takes over their void. Not Hikari is, of course, talking about your typical "balance of yin and yang" sort of deal. The problem is not that darkness exists but that it has grown to overshadow the light.

In the dub:

Tentomon: IZZY!!! Tai: What's happening!? (Everyone gets taken by the light into the void except Puppetmon) Tai: Where are we!? Matt: No idea.... Not Hikari: In this world, there is a balance of darkness and light. The light represents all that's good in the world and the darkness is the evil. When the darkness becomes larger than the light, it upsets the balance.

Not Hikari here specifies that light means good and dark means evil. A specification that wasn't stated outright in the original... but looking at the behaviors of most Vaccine and Virus type Digimon we've met, it's pretty implied. The powers of darkness have been unambiguously super-evil child-murderers, and not in the morally complex Undertale way.

There is certainly a space for NOT ALL DEVIMONS as a narrative point, but that is not an argument that this show has presented.

The black void overtakes the white, and the kids are left in darkness.

Mimi: It's turned to night! Jou: What is this place!? Did we get pulled into another dimension!?

Valid concern. That has happened to them before.

Sora: Wait! I see something! Taichi: This is... Hikarigaoka!

Floating in the sky above the city, they see Greymon and Parrotmon drifting up into a portal back to the Digital World and making me eat crow from when I said Hikari's Greymon died. I have been remembering this wrong.

You win this round, dub team who hadn't even seen the OVA when they had to adapt the episodes describing it.

Koushiro: That's the bird from four years ago!

He types away at his laptop, pulling up the Digimon Analyzer to finally get a read on that creature that started this all.

Parrotmon is a Perfect-stage Vaccine-type Giant Bird Digimon. Part of the reason that their identity was such a mystery is because they were created for the OVA; Not appearing in the V-Pet, video games, or even TCG until 2000.

At the time of this episode's airing, Parrotmon had never been seen again in any other Digimon media, and wouldn't be until the release of the D-Terminal to tie in with Adventure 02.

Narrator: Parrotmon. A mysterious Digimon who appeared in front of Taichi's group long ago in Hikarigaoka. Their special attack is Sonic Destroyer. Koushiro: They were Perfect-stage....

In the dub, Tai swipes Mimi's line and he and Joe quip about the darkness overtaking the light.

Tai: Whoa! The balance seems to be really out of whack! Joe: So? Somebody find a switch and put the lights back on. Sora: There's something over there! (Hikarigaoka comes into view) Tai: I know this sounds incredible, but could we be home again? (Closeup on Greymon and Parrotmon disappearing into the sky portal) Izzy: I've seen that Digimon before! (type) Izzy: (rundown) Why, of course. That's Parrotmon. He was the mysterious Digimon that appeared in Highton View Terrace approximately four years ago. Now he's completely Digivolved.

Izzy remains terrible at exposition. "Now he's completely Digivolved," he says, as if the Parrotmon up there has achieved a higher form than when they fought Greymon.

Also, "completely Digivolved" raises an eyebrow. Uh. What? Either Izzy is using "completely Digivolved" to refer to Ultimate level even though he knows better now, or he's saying that Parrotmon has become a Mega Digimon.

There are two ways to take this line and they're both wrong, on top of Izzy being wrong for asserting that Parrotmon "being fully Digivolved" is a recent occurrence.

Not Hikari steps forward to offer further explanation.

Not Hikari: Four years ago in your world, a Digitama passed through a tear in reality by mistake. Taichi: What are you talking about, Hikari? Tailmon: That's not Hikari talking to us. Koushiro: Someone is using Hikari's body to speak to us. Not Hikari: My wish is to restore balance to the Digimon World. Sora: Are you the God of the Digimon World? Not Hikari: No, I am not. Just like the Digimon, I am made up of internet data. Unlike the Digimon, we are unable to take a physical form. In other words, I don't have a physical body. That is why I'm borrowing this person's body to speak with you. Taichi: Why Hikari? Not Hikari: She was the only one who could hear me.

There's an interesting switch that happens in Not Hikari's language here. Well, for one, it's interesting that Not Hikari uses the standard gender-neutral first-person pronoun watashi instead of the more girly atashi that Hikari uses.

But, more interesting than that, is the way Not Hikari switches between the singular watashi and the plural watashi-tachi. For most of this explanation, they use watashi. However, when they say "We are unable to take physical form", that's a watashi-tachi.

Implying that whatever the sparkle sparkle entity possessing Hikari is, they are of a kind; There are others like them.

In the dub:

Not Kari: He passed through the dimensional divide. Some time ago, a Digiegg fell through a hole from our world to yours. Tai: Kari, what are you talking about? Gatomon: I think Kari's had too much catnip! Izzy: My theory is that someone else is using Kari's body to speak for them. Not Kari: My wish is that there be peace and happiness for everyone. Sora: I don't understand. Are you some kind of super being or something? Not Kari: No, nothing like that. I am similar to the Digimon. I was produced by data bytes taken from the internet. But there's a difference: Unlike the Digimon, we're unable to take a shape in the form of a physical body. In order for me to communicate with you, I had to temporarily borrow Kari. Tai: Couldn't you have taken Joe instead!? Joe: Hey! Not Kari: I had to take Kari. She's the only one that I'm able to communicate with.

The word Kami crossed the dub team's desk and the best they could come up with to avoid saying God was "some kind of super being". XD

Gatomon is still being shitty and dismissive towards Kari and I hate it.

Tai abruptly slaps Joe in the face for lulz because he's one of the two designated punching bags.

On the plus side, they nailed that interesting pluralization implying that there are more of whatever this being is.

(Officially, this is Homeostasis, but the lore around Homeostasis is vague and confusing, and Homeostasis is never named within the show itself. At least not this series; other entries in the Adventure franchise do identify Homeostasis by name.)

Not Hikari continues to explain things.

Not Hikari: Truthfully, I've been wanting to talk to you ever since you arrived on File Island.

Too fucking bad we accidentally left behind the only kid who could hear them.

That makes two separate attempts to prevent the Lord of the Flies experience from happening to them and give them a more traditional Isekai experience, ruined by present circumstances of their arrival.

Imagine spending like a thousand years preparing for the arrival of the chosen one and then going to take a shit and when you come back the Chosen One is not only here but has gone Feral BOTW Link for lack of guidance.

The children suddenly levitate into the air. Not Hikari levitates slowly over Hikarigaoka with the other kids in tow, as bright spotlights shine down on each of their younger counterparts frozen in time.

Taichi: Ah! That's Hikari and me from four years ago! Jou: Ah! The one on the phone is me! Mimi: That's me! Sora: And there's me! Takeru: There's me with Onii-chan! Koushiro: I'm there too. But these lights.... Not Hikari: They're scanning everyone's data. Yamato: But what for? Not Hikari: Allow me to explain everything from the beginning.

Greymon and Parrotmon disappear into the sky portal. Not Hikari follows them in, with the children levitating up after.

In the dub:

Not Kari: To be honest, I wanted to contact you when you arrived at File Island, but it was completely impossible under the circumstances. (Not Kari levitates everyone over Highton View Terrace) Tai: Wow, it's a blast from the past! That's us four years ago! Joe: Hey, that's me! How typical; I'm on the telephone. Mimi: I was so cute! Sora: Hard to believe we were that little! T.K.: There's my brother and me! Izzy: That's definitely me, but what's with the light? Not Kari: Its purpose is to process all of your vital information. Matt: That's kind of freaky; Why's it doing that? Not Kari: Just follow me; I'll explain it to you.

Solid dub writing. They do a good job spicing up the bit where everyone says "That's me!" over and over. I also appreciate Matt pointing out that Not Kari quietly stealing their metadata while they're watching the fight is fucking skeevy.

Digimon Adventure was ahead of its time. If this was made today, Homeostasis would definitely be selling that shit to advertisers.

Speaking of which, both versions put a commercial break here. Talk about your commercial break cliffhangers! "Yes, I will finally, after 44 episodes, explain crucial details of the plot to you... RIGHT AFTER THESE MESSAGES!!!" Well played, Homeostasis. Well played.

Once Homeostasis has finished pocketing that lucrative McDonalds ad revenue, we find ourselves in a strange yet familiar locale.

Sora: Where... are we? Koushiro: Does this place look familiar to you?

The kids start to look around, but then Takeru spots something.

Takeru: What's that over there?

Shortly followed by the others, Takeru runs over to a glass case containing eight Digitama.

Takeru: They're Digitama! Group: (awestruck) Ahhhh! Koromon: The Digivices and Crests are here too!

Sure enough, each Digitama has a Digivice and a Crest mysteriously plugged into it.

In the dub:

Sora: Where are we now, whoever you are? Izzy: Rather bizarre place, indeed. (The kids look around) T.K.: Check this out! (Everyone goes to the Digiegg case) T.K.: They look like Digieggs! Group: (awestruck) Ahhhh! Koromon: Look! Crests and Digivices! Matt: (annoyed) Okay, this is getting weird! Joe: Oh, and floating in the sky is normal?

Koushiro immediately cottons on to the fact that they've been here before (which they have!). Izzy misses that entirely and just thinks the place is weird.

Matt and Joe get extra lines where, in a rare upset, Joe gets to dunk on someone else for a change.

Suddenly, phantoms of humanoids in cloaks pass by. Jou is the first to see them. He panics, raising his arms with alarm and accidentally shoving Mimi into the glass, eliciting a surprised shriek.

Jou: WAAAAAAUGH!!! Mimi: AGGGGH!!! Jou: W-WE'RE SORRY FOR INTRUDING!!!

The cloaked figures pass by, ignoring them entirely

Gomamon: Hey, what the hell!? You could at least address us! Not Hikari: These people are a video recording. These are images of the past that are being projected into your minds.

Gomamon gets offended that we're not being yelled at for trespassing. XD

In the dub, Mimi doesn't react. She silently accepts being scooted aside by Joe's panic.

Joe: WAAAAAAUGH!!! Okay, it's official; This is definitely giving me the creeps. (The cloaked figures ignore them) Gomamon: What's the matter, fellas? Can't you say hello? Not Kari: These men are just computer images. They are figments from the past who have been digitally transmitted to your present.

Once Not Kari's set the stage for what we're seeing, Koushiro suddenly notices a significant clue as to where we are.

Koushiro: Ah! This is the stone slate that was beneath Vamdemon's castle. Piyomon: The Gate is here too! It's the same room!

The kids hurry over to gaze up at the Gate; Sure enough, it's the very same one they passed through to return to the human world.

Which, of course, explains why Gennai was not only familiar with the Gate but had the keycards to open it in his possession, rather than in Vamdemon's. At some point, like an otaku running away to live in Japan, Vamdemon decided to go straight to the source of his fandom and moved in.

Jou: But what are those people doing? Not Hikari: They're preparing for the time when our world will be overrun by darkness. First, we created the Crests and Digivices out of the data we scanned from you. Sora: "Created"? Taichi: Then that means... You guys are the ones who chose us? Not Hikari: That's right.

Finally getting some real answers, and none of Gennai's runarounds.

In the dub:

Izzy: I don't believe it! This is from Myotismon's castle! Biyomon: Here's Myotismon's secret passage! Joe: Let me guess, those are the elves that make the shoes at night? Not Kari: They're monitoring the positive and negative forces to preserve harmony in the world. We took the information that we scanned from all of you, then we created your Digivices and Crests. Sora: You did that? Tai: That must mean that you're the ones who chose us. Is that true? Not Kari: Yes, it is.

The dub's explanation for what the hooded figures are doing doesn't quite capture the urgency of their work.

In the original, Not Hikari indicates that they knew the balance was destabilizing, and they were doing all of this for the purpose of countering it. They saw things getting bad, and bringing in the humans' data and going through this whole rigamarole was their best idea for how to fix it.

The dub has the cloaked figures simply monitoring harmony as a day-to-day, and also they're making the Crests and Digivices too. Just in case things do get bad, I guess.

Taichi has some follow-up questions regarding their selection.

Taichi: But why were we chosen? Not Hikari: You and Hikari-san made the Digitama that passed into the real world evolve into Greymon. Taichi: That was katteni shinka. Not Hikari: There is no such thing as katteni shinka.

Okay, this is a hard one to translate to English.

If you caught my post about Dragon Ball's Ultra Instinct I mentioned the word migatte as part of the technique's Japanese name. Katte is a root word of migatte, and katteni is similar in meaning. Katteni is autonomous; doing something of one's own accord, without permission or influence from others.

Taichi is saying that Koromon evolving to Agumon and then to Greymon happened arbitrarily; The Digimon evolved all by himself, while Taichi and Hikari were merely passive bystanders. Nothing that happened between them influenced Koromon's evolution in any way.

Homeostasis retorts that. No. That's stupid. Katteni shinka is not a thing. What Taichi is saying is not how evolution works. At all. Either for Digimon or otherwise.

Not Hikari: That evolution did not happen by chance. It was because of your presence that he evolved into Greymon. (Flashback to Greymon v. Parrotmon) Taichi: But... We didn't do anything! We didn't even have a Digivice! Not Hikari: If you think the Digivice is merely a tool for evolution, you are mistaken. (Back to present) Not Hikari: The Digivice matches your personal qualities to your Digimon and enables them to evolve properly.

The dub is going to have a hard time with this section, since katteni shinka is difficult to translate and they have limited space to explain it in.

Tai: Then tell me this: What makes us so special? Not Kari: You made it possible for Greymon to survive and Digivolve, and it couldn't have been accomplished without help from you and Kari. Tai: But he Digivolved without me.... Not Kari: A Digimon can't Digivolve without you. It doesn't work that way.

That is a hard miss. Digimon absolutely can evolve without a person. If they couldn't, the Digital World would be nothing but Babies for miles around.

What they can't do is evolve arbitrarily, without influence from environmental factors. The point of this line isn't that humans are necessary to make evolution possible. It's that Homeostasis witnessed the effect that Taichi and Hikari's influence had on the wayward Digitama and had a Holy Shit Light Bulb moment.

They caused Botamon to evolve into Koromon, Agumon, and then Greymon. But not because evolution wouldn't be possible without them.

Not Kari: The very fact that you were both there made him Digivolve to protect you. Tai: But how? We were just goofy little kids and we didn't even have a Digivice. Not Kari: A Digivice is just a tool that was designed to help in the Digivolving process. It assists you by making you aware of your powers, but it's the special qualities in each of you that really makes it work.

This part is rock-solid. No notes. It's just the other part that had a high bar to clear that they messed up on.

Next, Homeostasis goes on to talk about the Crests.

Not Hikari: The same is true of your Crests. Is everyone aware of what their Crests represent? Taichi: Mine's Courage. Sora: Mine is Love. Mimi: Purity! Koushiro: Knowledge. Jou: Sincerity. Takeru: Mine is the Crest of Hope. Yamato: (quiet, distant) Mine is.... Jou: Friendship, wasn't it?

Jou gives Yamato a friendly pat on the shoulder, but that only makes Yamato withdraw into himself.

Not Hikari: Those are the strongest qualities that each of you had four years ago. But what happens if you lose those qualities? You may end up misusing your Digimon. And if you use those special qualities of yours for the wrong reasons.... Taichi: (gasp) Could it be.... (Flashback to SkullGreymon's evolution) Taichi: Back then, I jumped in front of the enemy so that I could force Greymon to Super-Evolve. But he became SkullGreymon instead. (Flashback ends) Taichi: (with certainty) That was the wrong kind of Courage. Not Hikari: That's right. You've finally realized.

Wait, he only figured out what he did wrong just now?

Well, no, that makes sense, actually. He knew he'd fucked up back then, but they didn't learn the meanings of their Crests until much later. He hasn't had a reason to stop and think about how the virtue of Courage applies to the SkullGreymon incident.

Sometimes you have all the information you need to put the pieces together but it's already behind you and there's more important stuff to think about.

In the dub:

Not Kari: The same thing with the Crests. Can you tell me what your personal Crests really represent? Tai: Well, mine's Courage. Sora: And this one means Love. Mimi: Sincerity! Izzy: Mine's Knowledge! Joe: Reliability. T.K.: I know what this Crest means; It's Hope! Matt: (quiet, distant) Well, mine is.... Joe: Wasn't it called Friendship? (pat) Not Kari: All of that's true, but there's more to it than that. Every one of you has strengths and weaknesses. We took each of your strongest qualities that you possessed four years ago, then we made a Crest for that. Tentomon: Oh! I get it! Not Kari: If that trait is lost, then Digimon might become corrupted. Tai: Ah! That happened! (Flashback to SkullGreymon's evolution) Tai: When I tried to make Agumon Digivolve by throwing myself in front of his enemy! But then something weird happened; He Digivolved into SkullGreymon! (Flashback ends) Tai: (with certainty) And now I realize that was pretty foolish. Not Kari: But the important thing is that you learned from it.

Yep, that's another miss.

Dub Homeostasis claims that SkullGreymon happened because Tai lost his Courage. That's. Not. What happened there. Tai losing his Courage is what happened at Datamon's pyramid. Completely different event, and one that did not result in SkullGreymon.

SkullGreymon was the result of Taichi's Courage becoming corrupt.

Meanwhile, Tai's big revelation here is that jumping in front of the enemy was a stupid thing to do. That's. No. That's not his revelation; He already realized it was stupid way back when. It's the connection between that event and the virtue of Courage being corrupted that Taichi suddenly made here.

Jou steps forward to assess what they've learned.

Jou: So all of this work was to amplify the qualities we already had in the first place.

Yamato, still haunted by his inability to connect with his Crest virtue, wanders away to look at his Digitama, Crest, and Digivice in the case.

Tsunomon: Yamato...?

Not Hikari joins him, followed soon by the others.

Koushiro: I understand why Taichi-san and Hikari-san were chosen, but the rest of us didn't make a Digimon evolve. Not Hikari: After examining everyone's data, we determined that you shared commonalities with Taichi-san and Hikari-san. The meaning behind it is still a mystery to us.

I take it back; Even Homeostasis seems to struggle with comprehending the plot. This answer is basically a shrug. "What made us choose the rest of you? There was something about your data. I don't know what."

In the dub:

Joe: All this time, we've been wracking our brains trying to figure out stuff about ourselves that we already knew! Ha! That's a fine how-do-ya-do. (Matt walks away) Joe: Huh? (Matt stares at the glass case.) Tsunomon: Who knew? (Everyone joins him.) Izzy: Prodigious! I see why you chose Tai and Kari, but the rest of us never made contact with the Digiegg so why us? Not Kari: When we examined all of your data, we came to the conclusion that you had something in common with Tai and Kari. But we're not quite sure what it means. All we know is that you've proven yourselves to be very capable.

Joe managed to mangle his line so hard that I have no idea what he's even saying.

But the exposition is pretty much 1:1.

Takeru steps forward to examine the Digitama in the case.

Takeru: What are these Digitama? Not Hikari: You can't tell? Patamon: Is it us? Not Hikari: Yes. Palmon: Which one is me? Tsunomon: We can tell by looking at the marks on the Crests! (Piyomon and Gomamon find theirs) Piyomon: That one? Gomamon: This one's mine!

Piyomon's Digitama is covered in hearts because of course it is.

In the dub:

T.K.: Who do these belong to? Not Kari: Isn't it obvious? Patamon: I have a feeling it's us! Not Kari: Yes. Palmon: Wow, which one's me? Tsunomon: I think the answer's in the Crests! (Biyomon and Gomamon find theirs) Biyomon: Look! This is me! Gomamon: And that's mine!

Very faithful translation; Near word for word.

Unfortunately, things did not go well for the Chosen Children project.

Not Hikari: However, the Dark Masters learned about our plan and they came here to find us.

The doors open and Metal Empire forces spill into the room. Despite having been told that these are phantoms of past events and are not really happening, the kids still panic and scatter. Takeru trips and falls, prompting Patamon to let off an Air Shot at the Metal Empire soldiers to try and cover him.

Not Hikari: These are also video recordings.

The way Homeostasis has to say that again in their completely neutral matter-of-fact voice 'cause children be slow is sending me. XD Maybe you should have drafted some adults for your war.

The Metal Empire forces open fire on the hooded figures, blowing them up with rockets.

Taichi: Shit! So because they're video recordings, we can't do anything but stand here and watch!?

Taichi's blood is expectedly boiling at all this carnage. Koushiro, on the other hand, already has his laptop out because NEW DIGIMON JUST DROPPED. He starts with the brown one.

Guardromon is an Adult-stage Virus-type Machine Digimon, though the Analyzer makes an error and lists them as Data. This may have to do with the fact that they debuted in the Digimon World video game, where they were in fact Data Vaccine actually what the fuck.

I guess the anime just. Split the difference between Digimon World Vaccine and Metal Empire V-Pet Virus. XD

In any case, Guardromon is one of the two Metal Empire Adult Viruses.

Izzy: That one is Guardromon. Narrator: Guardromon. A Machine type Digimon with iron-clad defenses. Their special attack is Destruction Grenade.

Also it's super easy to miss when they're in motion but can I just say that the Destruction Grenades are hilarious? XD Someone was like "This is my Vaccine Digimon, he shoots little cops that explode," and another person went, "Nah bro that goes into the Virus bin."

The silver Digimon, meanwhile, is Mekanorimon. Like Bakemon and bakemono, this is a play on an existing word: norimono, which means "vehicle". Mecha Norimono.

Mekanorimon is the other Adult-stage Virus-type Digimon from Metal Empire, and this one the Analyzer gets right. If your poorly cared for Hagurumon is well-trained, you get Guardromon; If not, Mekanorimon.

Yamato: Here comes another one! Narrator: Mekanorimon. A powered suit Digimon that can be piloted like a vehicle. It uses its Linear Lens to fire its special attack Twinkle Beam.

Under the assault of explosion cops and Twinkle Beams, the cloaked figures are quickly overwhelmed.

In the dub:

Not Kari: Yes, but I'm afraid I have bad news. The Dark Masters got wind of our plan and have worked very hard to defeat us. (Metal Empire forces enter; Kids scatter and flee) Not Kari: Save your breath; They're computer images! (Metal Empire starts killing everyone) Tai: What!? Just because those guys are computer images, we have to sit back and do nothing!? Izzy: (on the brown one) His name is Guardromon. Izzy: (rundown) He's a Machine Digimon and his armor is constructed of solid iron. Absolutely nothing can penetrate that can of beans! Matt: HERE COMES SOME MORE OF THEM!!! Tentomon: (rundown) This is no space-age vacuum cleaner! Meet Mekanorimon. His Twin Beam will annihilate anything! Which makes housework a breeze.

Homeostasis's second line here is delivered as a scolding, rather than a comically matter-of-fact reassertion of information already provided. So it lacks the funny.

Guardromon's diegetic rundown claims that he's invulnerable... because he's made of iron. I mean, iron's great, don't get me wrong, but it's kind of basic? Especially this soon after the fantasy metal "INVULNERABLE CHROME DIGIZOID" was such a big thing.

The reason this happened is because the word in question, 鉄壁 teppeki, has multiple meanings. It literally translates to "iron wall", as in a literal iron wall used in a military fortification, and it means an impenetrable defense.

So they had word which could be saying Guardromon is made of iron or could be saying Guardromon's defenses are impenetrable, and they hedged their bets and went with both.

Meanwhile, Tentomon is too busy quipping to mention that Mekanorimon is a pilotable vehicle. Which. Is. Kind of. Important. Information. For events that will follow.

Also Mekanorimon's attack is "Twin Beam" despite there only being a single beam because I guess the dub team didn't like the twinkle.

While all this devastation is unfolding, Jou suddenly lets out a shriek.

Jou: AHH!!! IT'S PIEMON!!! Stay back! Stay back! Ahhhh go away! Gomamon: We're okay. Sora: It's just a video recording.

Piemon approaches the case with the Digitama. Letting out a wicked laugh, he shatters the case and collects all of the Crests.

Taichi: He's stealing the Crests! Mimi: Can't we do something!?

Suddenly, one of the cloaked figures charges at him with a sword.

Cloaked Man: PIEMON!!! THOSE AREN'T YOURS TO TAKE!!! Piemon: Gennai.... Takeru: THAT'S GENNAI-SAN!?!?

Gennai slashes at Piemon, but he's too slow. Piemon easily darts around Gennai's swing, then presses a strange black orb into Gennai's back. Gennai grits his teeth and grunts in agony as the ball enters his body.

He takes another swing at Piemon, who backs off. A Mekanorimon comes up behind him; Gennai dodges its Twinkle Beam and leaps up on top. Prying open Mekanorimon's cockpit, he yanks a Bakemon out of it and tosses the useless ghost aside.

Gennai: Out of the way!

Gennai slips inside the Mekanorimon himself, then scoops up all of the Digitama and Digivices.

Piemon: DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THE CRESTS!!!

...apparently he also has the Crests. To be honest, I'm not sure how he would have grabbed those. They were last seen in Piemon's hand, and Piemon thoroughly outfought Gennai.

In the dub:

Joe: AHHHH!!! PIEDMON IS HERE!!! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!!! SHOO!!! GO AWAY!!! Gomamon: Relax, he's just an image. Sora: (snarky) Yeah, save your screaming for the real thing. (Piedmon goes for the Crests) Tai: He's going to steal the Crests! Mimi: Oh no! (Piedmon takes the Crests) Cloaked Man: Piedmon! Hands off those Crests! Piedmon: Gennai! T.K.: That man's Gennai!? (Gennai attacks, gets black balled, then hijacks Mekanorimon and escapes with the loot) Piedmon: Follow him! Don't let Gennai out of your sight!

Sora dunks on Joe but to be fair, they've been told twice now. This was legitimately an embarrassing moment for him, even if Original Sora was too kind to say anything.

Gennai takes to the skies with the Digitama, Digivices, and I guess the Crests somehow. The other Mekanorimon and Guardromon pursue him, trying to shoot him down.

Not Hikari: Let's follow them.

A near-miss causes him to lose a single Digitama and Digivice, which plummet to the continent below.

Tailmon: Ah! That's me! (Tailmon's Digitama falls, and is not recovered) Tailmon: So that's why I grew up alone.

Piyomon flies up behind Tailmon and gives her unexpected headpats.

Piyomon: But we're together now! Tailmon: (smile) You're right.

Awww.... ^_^

In the dub:

Not Kari: Let's follow and see what happened in the past. (Enemy rockets cause Gennai to drop the Digiegg) Gatomon: That's my Digiegg! (Gatomon's Digiegg falls, and is not recovered) Gatomon: So that's why I was brought up all alone... That explains it.... (Surprise headpats) Biyomon: Cheer up! We're together now! Gatomon: (smiles, giggles)

Pretty much 1:1 faithful translation.

From there, Gennai escapes to File Island.

Taichi: it's File Island! Not Hikari: After that, many, many years passed until....

Which... is a 100% barren, frozen hellscape. Must be winter, I guess, 'cause it's sunny and grassy by the time the Partner Digitama hatch.

We see Botamon's egg hatch first.

Koromon: I hatched!

From there, the Babies go outside with their Digivices and bounce them playfully.

Koromon: I remember! We were waiting all that time. For Taichi! Tsunomon: Yamato! Piyomon: Sora! Gomamon: Jou! Palmon: Mimi! Patamon: Takeru! Tentomon: Koushiro-han! Koromon: Day after day, we'd wait patiently for their arrival! Until one day....

The babies bounce the Digivices high into the air, but instead it's the children who come plummeting down.

This is probably not literal, but a metaphorical representation of what they were doing. We cut from that to literal flashbacks of the Partners meeting the children in the woods, way back in episode 1.

In the dub:

Tai: It's File Island! Not Kari: After Gennai rescued the Digieggs and Crests, many years passed by until finally.... (Botamon hatches) Koromon: I was born! (The Babies go outside and bounce their Digivices) Koromon: Oh wow, I remember that! It seemed like I waited forever for Tai! Tsunomon: For Matt! Biyomon: For Sora! Gomamon: For Joe! Palmon: For Mimi! Patamon: For T.K.! Tentomon: For Izzy! Koromon: We didn't think they would ever come! Then suddenly, out of the blue, they arrived with a bang!

Again, 1:1 faithful. Though most of this is just yelling character names.

With that, we're caught up to where the children began their involuntary excursion into the Digital World.

Taichi: So that's what happened. Not Hikari: What is the Dark Masters' ultimate goal? How do we save the world? All we can do now is look after the peace of the Digimon World and try to build a system that can repair the damage before it takes place. Taichi: What do you think we should do from here? Not Hikari: I don't know. But I believe that, by relying on yourselves, you will find the answer.

Helpful. Thanks for the history lesson; Wish you had more practical advice for us.

In several years' human time when we're arguing over how to handle Meicoomon, try to remember how you were like "Uhhhh I have no idea how to solve things YOU GOT THIS RIGHT?"

Homeostasis gives off mad "It's my first day but also everyone else quit so please be patient while I figure out how to job" energy. They know the backstory better because they were there for it but they are as helplessly drowning in uncertain waters as the kids themselves.

The Forces of Darkness are rising. They don't know why the Forces of Darkness are rising. They don't know how to make the Forces of Darkness stop rising. And one day they saw two toddlers get along well with a Digimon and went "UM UM UM UM MAYBE CHILD SOLDIERS!?!?!?"

The reactor is melting down and the only person we have on-site is an intern. Well, that and exactly one survivor from the massacre who unfortunately has an unidentified Milk Dud of Doom turning him into a decrepit pervert or whatever it did to thim.

In the dub:

Not Kari: The question is, what exactly are the Dark Masters planning? We are working day and night trying to find out. For now, all we can do is guess and try to outwit them before something terrible happens. Tai: Whoa! Well, if that's true, what should we do now? Not Kari: It's hard to say, but I believe you'll all find an answer on your own.

The dub omits mention of Homeostasis's long-term goal to "build a system that can repair the damage before it takes place". Though they don't go into detail, they apparently have ideas in place to prevent something like the Dark Masters from happening again... if we can figure out how to make the Dark Masters stop happening in the the meanwhile.

Homeostasis is trying to create a vaccine against future instability, while using the Chosen Children as panic-button antidote against current instability.

(This, of course, ends up being Huckmon in Adventure Tri.)

But this doesn't make it across into the dub, which simply says that Homeostasis doesn't know what the Dark Masters are up to but is trying their best.

Returning to the woods where they started, Hikari wakes up in Taichi's arms.

Taichi: Hikari...? Tailmon: Are you okay, Hikari? HIkari: Onii-chan... Tailmon.... Taichi: You're okay! Tailmon: Thank goodness.... Sora: Are you hurting anywhere? Hikari: No... Is something wrong, all of you? Taichi: I-It's nothing. Hikari, about what just happened... Hikari: What just happened? Taichi: Oh! If you don't remember, then never mind.

Smooth, Taichi. Rolling that 12 Charisma score for all it's worth. XD

The dub places its final commercial break here, at the end of Homeostasis's trip into the past. Solid choice.

Tai: Hey.... Gatomon: Are you gonna be alright? Kari: ...oh, hi there. What's wrong? Tai: You've come back! Gatomon: We missed you! Sora: Did it hurt? Kari: No... What do you mean? Tai: Don't you remember? Well, that's alright. Kari: Remember what, Tai? Tai: Never mind. Don't you worry about it.

I like how casual Kari is here. Like, so far as she understands, she just fell asleep suddenly and then woke up to everyone crowding around her for some reason.

Now, on to unfinished business. Taichi stands up and turns to face Yamato.

Taichi: Yamato. Now we know why we became the Chosen Children. Yamato: Yeah. Taichi: Like I thought, we're the only ones who can straighten out this world's distortions.

Taichi approaches Yamato, holding out his hand for Yamato's.

Taichi: Yamato. Let's join back up together. Yamato: I can't. Takeru: Onii-chan? Taichi: I... I made a mistake. Yamato: No. This was all my fault.

Yamato turns and walks away, but Taichi calls after him.

Taichi: That's not what I meant! I mean the way I've been behaving up to this point.... (Yamato stops walking) Yamato: It's not my place to say this after how I've behaved recently, but I don't think there's ever a right or wrong way to do things. It's simply that you have your path and I have mine. I have no idea what sort of path is waiting for me. I thought that if I fought you, I'd understand what it is. An apology may not be enough for you to forgive me, but... I'm sorry.

Taichi and Yamato both recognize their faults and how they've contributed to their recent drama, and offer verbal concessions.

In the dub:

Tai: Well, Matt? There's no doubt about how we became the DigiDestined. We saw it happen! Matt: We sure did. Tai: So now the entire world is depending on us! And we all have to save it together! (Tai steps forward to shake Matt's hand) Tai: How 'bout it, Matt? Are we still a team? Matt: ... T.K.: What's wrong? Tai: Hey, let's put the past behind us. Matt: I know, but you wouldn't understand. Tai: Sure, I would! I say that you and I should let bygones be bygones! Matt: That's not the problem, Tai. This thing is bigger than either of us. It's not about right or wrong; I have my path and you have yours! And I'm not even sure where this path is going to lead me but I know I have to find it for myself. But I still believe in all of us; I mean, without any of you, where would I be? This is all just so confusing, and I let it get to me. That's why we fought.

Tai offers no concession for his own involvement in this whole mess.

Matt's supporting arguments are on much shakier ground than Yamato's. "This is bigger than us" and "I still believes in all of us" are arguments for staying with the group when he's supposed to be explaining why he has to leave.

Yamato says that they fought because he was convinced he would better understand himself and find his way to self-improvement through the act of fighting Taichi. Which is precisely what his conversation with Jureimon claimed.

Matt says they fought because he was confused about how much he wants to both leave and stay at the same time. It's a confusing response.

Now, with conviction, Yamato turns to face the others once more.

Yamato: But I want to find my own path. No, I have to! That's why I've decided to leave you all and go alone from here. Just me and Tsunomon. Koushiro: Please reconsider. After all, Yamato-san, your Crest... I mean, your best quality is.... Yamato: Friendship. I know. But friendship is such a meaningless word, don't you think? No, maybe I just don't know what true friendship is. Sora: H-Hey, how about this? We can break into two groups and go from there. Yamato: Sorry, but I need to do this alone. Sora: Oh... Well, I'm sure you'll be okay, Yamato. I believe in you. Takeru: Onii-chan, what will I do without you? Yamato: You're able to take care of yourself now. Takeru: But.... Sora: You're with us, Takeru-kun. Yamato has something he needs to figure out by himself. We should let him go. Takeru: (nod) Mm. Yamato: Thank you. Bye.

With that surprisingly curt farewell, Yamato turns and walks away into the woods. Metaphorically still lost in the mayoi no mori but better equipped to some day find his way out.

I love the reversal here from "I don't need you to look after me Onii-chan" to "But who will look after me Onii-chan?" Where Yamato has been haunted since episode 3 by the threat of Takeru growing up, the perspective of his decision allows him to finally appreciate how strong his brother is becoming.

Sora, ever the peacemaker, tries to smooth this over as best she can.

In the dub:

Matt: It's important that you guys can count on me, but I'm going to do this because I have to! Tsunomon will be with me so I'll be alright. Don't worry, it will be a lot better this way. Izzy: Matt, if you approach this logically, I'm sure you'll reconsider your decision. Your Crest, it's theme is to promote.... Matt: Friendship, I know. But I haven't been too much of a friend, in case you haven't noticed! Maybe it's because I don't know the true meaning of the word, or maybe I've just forgotten. Sora: Here's a good idea. Let's break up into two groups instead of one big one. Matt: I'm sorry, but I really need to do this alone! Sora: Oh... Well, I believe in you and I'm not going to stand in your way! T.K.: What am I supposed to do without you, Matt? Matt: You're a big kid now. You can take care of yourself, T.K. Sora: Yeah, don't worry! We'll be here for you. Besides, you know how big brothers are; They need their own space! Everything will be fine. T.K.: (nod) Mm. Matt: We'll see ya. Goodbye, everyone.

Matt comes off a lot more reluctant to do this. Between "I still believe in all of us", "Where would I be without you?" and now "It's important that you can count on me", he is not doing a good job of selling the reason for why he needs to leave. Which is that he, Matt, is convinced that he needs to, and no other reason.

Dub Sora patronizingly downplays this whole thing to T.K. "Big brothers need their space", she says as if we're discussing Tai no longer sleeping in the bunk bed with Kari.

Original Sora plays this straight with Takeru; Yamato has something he needs to go do, and we should support him.

Once Yamato's gone, it's time to get moving again. Except Yamato's departure is giving someone else ideas.

Taichi: Well, we should get moving. Ganbatte! Let's fix those distortions in the Digital World!

To get the nakama marching, Taichi gives everyone the good ol' ganbaru, the Japanese social construct of perseverance through great hardships via hard work and dedication.

But one person isn't interested in ganbaru anymore. Mimi hangs back, following slowly before she stops walking entirely. Realizing she isn't with them, Sora turns back, prompting the rest of the group to halt.

Sora: Mimi-chan? Mimi: I'm sorry, Sora-san. I can't. Sora: You can't? You want to stay here? Mimi: Mhm. Others may get hurt and die. I don't want to see that again.

Mimi's voice is quiet and vulnerable. She knows she's letting the others down with this decision, but she can't do this anymore.

Without missing a beat, Senpai steps up to do his job.

Jou: Then I'll stay too. Koushiro: Jou-san! Jou: It's dangerous for Mimi-chan to be here by herself. I'll do what I can to convince her to return, then we'll meet up with the rest of you. Is that okay? Taichi: Yeah. We're counting on you, Jou. Jou: YES!!!

Jou is so excited that Taichi signed off on his plan, he shouts and runs for where Mimi is.

Gomamon: JOU WAIT FOR ME!!! (chases)

Eager to get the fuck out of this party, are we, Jou? XD

The dub, as usual, can't lean on ganbaru. But they've got something just as good for American cultural values: military lingo, which this arc's been leaning in heavily on.

Tai: We'd better move it, troops. We've got the world to save! So we're down one DigiDestined; That's no problem. We can do it, right? (Mimi hangs back) Sora: Hmm? Mimi? Mimi: I'm sorry, Sora. I'm not going. Sora: Huh? Why not? Come on, what? Mimi: Well, I just don't want to see anybody else fight or hurt themselves. I hope you understand. Joe: Then I'm staying too. Izzy: But why? Joe: It's not safe for Mimi to be here all alone. I'll make sure she's okay and then, hopefully later, we can rejoin you guys. Okay? Tai: Okay. Good luck, Joe. Joe: Thanks. (runs off) Gomamon: Wait for me! (chases)

Despite having far more reasons to be excited about leaving these fuckers behind, Dub Joe does not scream exuberance at the top of his lungs as he quits the party.

To avoid the 'D' word, Mimi's "I don't want to see anyone get hurt or killed again" becomes "I don't want to see anyone fight or hurt themselves". She can't even say she's afraid of them being hurt by others?

As the group further fractures, Patamon shares his concerns.

Patamon: Everyone is separating again. Piyomon: And just when all eight of us were finally together. Tailmon: You guys don't get it, do you? Piyomon: Huh? Tailmon: The roads we take are different, but our destination will be the same. We'll all get there, no matter how thorny our paths may be.

Tailmon's final words lead us out. With one last glance at Jou and Mimi staying behind, the remaining five soldiers in our nakama stride onward.

Man, escaping from her abuser and reuniting with the crew she was meant to be with has done wonders for Tailmon's outlook. Amazing how that works.

This line has so much pathos coming from her. In the woods that Vamdemon found her in, no less.

In the dub:

Patamon: Gee, now we're all gonna be split up again! Biyomon: Just when we were finally all together! Gatomon: You may think we're separated but we're really not. Biyomon: Huh!? Gatomon: The roads might be different but the place we end up in is the same. I mean, think about it. If they truly are the DigiDestined, they're destined to be together once again. At least, that's the way I hope it works out. Narrator: Is Gatomon right? Or is this the end of the DigiDestined!? Tune in to the next Digimon: Digital Monsters.

Fucking-ass killjoy narrator! XD I like how he asks that question then just says "Tune in" without promising any answers, because the Breaking of the Fellowship is not something that will be resolved any time soon.

Also love how Tailmon drops some hopeful philosophy while Gatomon's just like, "Look, it says 'destiny' right there in the name... that we made up for the dub." But then admits that she, like Tailmon, is just running on hope at this point.

There is no sound reason in either version to believe that Yamato, Mimi, and Jou will come back, but a kitty-cat can hope.

Assessment: Man, I hope you did not come into WarGreymon vs MetalGarurumon hoping for a Versus bout because that is the least important thing that happens in this episode.

The titular fight provides a backdrop for the much more interesting fistfight between Taichi and Yamato, giving them both plentiful opportunities to project what's going on with each of them.

This was a great episode for Taichi. Not just for the characterization he got to express verbally, but also for the choices he made in the end. Remember that when this started, he was yelling in Mimi's face and freaking out about Yamato wandering off because "The eight of us must be together to defeat the Dark Masters!"

By the end of this episode, after having it out with Yamato and talking with Homeostasis, Taichi owns up to his own problem behavior just as Yamato does. Then he stands back and lets three people leave. In fact, when Mimi says she wants out because she can't stand to see anyone else die, he doesn't say a word to her. He accepts her decision without question.

I think it was the SkullGreymon thing that did it, personally. Learning that there's a wrong kind of Courage made Taichi reflect on his behavior and gain a sense of perspective towards how he treats his crew and what he expects from them. That's my interpretation.

Whatever the case, Taichi demonstrates remarkable growth not just for what he said to Yamato but for what he didn't say to any of them.

Yamato, of course, still has a long ways to go. Which he knows, and is the reason that he left.

And this officially kicks off the Jou and Mimi side-quest. Which was the last part of the show that I've been super anticipating.

The dub, expectedly, struggled with this one. They have a hard time with lore-heavy episodes and half of this episode was just Homeostasis explaining the plot. There's a lot of good information there that builds out the backstory of how they got here (and one irritating shrug), but it is a lot of narrative exposition, which is the dub's biggest weak point.

Still, they did better than expected. They had their missteps here and there but there were also multiple expository scenes that came through solid. Like Taichi, the dub showed improvement.

[radiojamming]

Prompting you for anything with Tartnell

hi i'm DJ and i and i want to write all the missing scenes i wanted to see in the terror.

---

In a memory with no date, they are children. It is a honey-gold day with sunlight playing on the river, a wood-warm scent in the air from the fences around the orchards. John carries Tom on his back down the road from the Burnt Elm farm, the corner of John's mouth still stained purple from the blackberries they picked out of the hedgerow. Tom's fingers are dyed the same shade, and their mother will surely have a few words to say about the stains on their clothes.

But for now, Tom is full, warm, and happy. There is sweetness in his mouth and the sun on his back, his brother to his front, the sound of magpies chattering in the trees around him.

John hums a tune. He's not a particularly good singer, but Tom likes to listen to him anyway. It's a shanty—one that they've heard at the Dockyard when they run down to see their father and walk home with him. Tom thinks it's about ladies; most of those songs are. He tries to hum along, but the sway of John's gait makes him too sleepy to try.

Instead, he yawns and asks, "Can we do this again tomorrow?"

"Sure," John replies, hefting Tom up a little further up his back. "We ought to bring a basket, though. To take some home."

Tom nods and turns his head so his cheek is pressed against his brother's back. He watches the Danbury farm slowly give way to the Simon orchard, and he counts the rows of trees until he gets to the one that was hit by lightning last summer. Eventually, he closes his eyes.

There's not much meaning to this memory. No lessons learned, no part of Tom's life altered. What's important is that John is there—a child, thin, tall for his age, keeping Tom close and safe. Walking so Tom doesn't have to.

No. This memory means everything.

---

They fight only once. Truly fighting; not just the general struggle of being brothers with only two years' difference between them.

Tom doesn't recall his exact words. All he knows is that he's angry. Angry that John keeps himself cloistered in the same job that's slowly killing him, that he exhausts himself day after day to make ends meet without a care for himself, that Tom's certain he'll come home on leave only to find John's headstone beside their father's in the churchyard.

(He's scared; not angry. But it's so much easier to mask it as anger than to ever admit he's frightened.)

But Tom's words are coarse, scoured over with years on the Volage and deckled on the edges with every gunshot or dying wail of a comrade in his ears. He curses in a way their mother would scold him for, but he can't take the words back even as he sees John go milk-pale at the sound.

He remembers only one sentence. The only one that matters.

"You're so selfish," he snarls.

(It's not true. It's never been true. John doesn't know how to be selfish. His life has always been attached to someone else, for someone else's benefit. His mother's, his brothers', his sisters', Mister Sarge's, Jane's. Selfish people don't lose sleep like John has, don't wince when they move their hands the way he does.

But all the other words Tom wants to say don't come out. They change shape, consonants, vowels. They turn into something awful.)

He sees the whites of John's eyes, and as soon as his brother takes one step forward, straightens himself out of his perpetual slouch, Tom remembers how much taller John is.

"Shut your mouth, Thomas," John says. His voice has always been low, a little scratchy like he's in need of clearing his throat.

And never—never has he used Tom's full name.

John takes another step forward.

(Where they are, Tom can't remember. There's a wall of a building. Home? Church? The Inn?)

And another.

(He remembers John's shirt, stained at the wrists. Shoemaker's black.)

And then John's hands are on Tom's shoulders, and he shoves. Tom reels back, catches himself before he can hit the ground. He knows he should step back and apologise. He knows there's so much more he could do or say that could fix this. But he's a sailor, and there's this awful crashing noise in his head that he simply can't quiet. He balls his fists and before he can think clearly, he swings.

At his fucking brother.

(He remembers crying into John's shirt at their father's grave.)

He has to aim up because John's so much taller.

(Remembers John standing under the lychgate into St. Mary Magdalene's, fist pressed to his mouth, biting his knuckles so he wouldn't cry.)

His fist connects with John's upper lip and nose, causing his brother's head to snap back. Something crunches under Tom's knuckles, and his stomach twists in a fierce knot at the feeling. He sees blood—orchard fruit bright red—on his hand when he draws it back.

(Remembers John in bed, gasping with breath that simply wouldn't come. A bloodstained handkerchief clenched in his fist. Their mother weeping as she watched their father dying of the same affliction.)

John doesn't make a sound. No yelp of agony, or gasp, or curse. Just silence. Agonising silence that makes a minute into an hour. Tom only sees him stagger a little, blood pouring freely out of his nose and onto his mouth, his shirt collar.

(Their mother scrubbing blood out of his shirt.)

It drips onto the ground. Slow. Raindrop-heavy.

(The bed linens on the line. A blossom of blood visible, drying in the breeze.)

He says nothing. Instead, he raises his head and sniffs once. Hazel eyes in skull-deep sockets. Exhaustion bows his back again as he nods.

"Alright, Thomas," he says. Another sniff. "Alright."

And he walks away.

(Where does he go? Where does this happen? Tom wishes he knew, wishes he would have run after him and begged his forgiveness. They never fight again after this, but Tom can't shake the memory of his brother's blood on his hands.)

---

They join up together. It's easier this way—two incomes flowing into their house, right when Charlie's on the cusp of joining up as well.

"I can help," says Strickland. He bounces on the balls of his feet as John signs his name in the allotment book. "Mum says she doesn't need the full amount or nothin', but I think Aunt Sarah would like it."

"No," says John, mostly to the book and to Mister Helpman who's watching the whole family scene with amusement. "Good Lord, Stricks. Why would we make you do that?"

"You're not makin' me do nothin', Harts," Strickland retorts. "I'm contemplatin' doin' a kindness, you joyless thing."

Tom doesn't have to see his brother's face to know he's rolling his eyes.

"Well, tell your mum so," John replies, then steps back and gestures to Tom just as Mister Helpman turns to a fresh page. "You're next, Tommy."

Tom walks up to the book and tells Mister Helpman all the details he needs to know. Where his pay goes, to whom, what's the relation, where does he hail from. He watches Helpman's quick hand neatly record every word.

"Sign here, sir," Helpman says.

Behind Tom, Strickland grunts in a way that suggests John has him in another headlock—his favourite method of subduing anyone. "Lemme go, you big oaf!"

"Come now, Mister Strickland," John says primly. "Is this any way for a member of Her Majesty's Navy to behave?"

"I'll show you Her Majesty!"

"That doesn't make sense. Actually, that sounds right obscene." John pauses, just as Tom finishes signing his name. "I'm just sorry, Mister Helpman. He's usually a good boy."

Helpman stifles a laugh and shakes his head. "Well, you lot will surely keep the ship entertained. Now, please release Mister Strickland so he can give me his details."

"You heard the gentleman, Stricks," John says, releasing Strickland who darts forward, sand-brown hair a mess. "Do we need to remind you how to spell your name again?"

Strickland gives him a very unkind gesture behind his back where Helpman can't see.

Tom returns to John's side and grins at his brother. People often comment how they look nothing alike, save for their smile. John gives him a perfect reflection of it now—playful, tilted up at the left corner, eyes squinting in happiness.

"You gonna behave yourself on this trip?" he asks John.

"Of course," John replies. "I have to be the responsible older brother, don't I?"

They laugh.

As if John's been anything else.

---

John starts to get sick in November.

It comes on slow. Coughs stifled in his fist or elbow. A wheeze he can pass off as simply poor lungs struggling in tight quarters with far too much pipe smoke in the air. Begging off early for bed even when they're deep in a game or a book.

Then he falls off a ladder, and Tom knows something's wrong.

John's never been particularly graceful. Uncle Hoar used to compare him to a colt that wasn't quite sure of its own legs. But in the rigging, he's a different creature entirely. It's as though he's waited his whole life to get off the ground, to see the world from some place higher than the world he'd been relegated to. His grip is always sure and steady, his footing secure. Only a few years in the Navy and he's done well by himself.

But it's the ladder—the damn ladder that does it. Just the one to maintain the lamps on deck. Only a few rungs. A few steps. It's not so very far to fall.

(It is. It's only ice and hard wood under his back when he lands. He's in so much pain by the time Tom, Sullivan, Tadman, and two Marines on duty get to him that he can't speak.)

He recovers for a few days in the sick bay until he can stand without wobbling on a weak ankle again. Doctor Stanley gives him some concoction and a few terse instructions. Mister Goodsir diligently follows up a few minutes later to advise on the dosage and how much rest John should get.

John improves.

And then he doesn't.

December comes in with a howling gale that sings in the lines holding the tent to the deck. And it comes with an awful sound rattling up from John's lungs.

It comes with blood on a handkerchief.

(Scrubbing it out of a shirt.)

---

"They say one of the stokers on Terror's got it, too," Tadman tells Tom in confidence. "He's barely conscious."

Tom stares down hard at the floor.

"You don't think he's been sick all this time?" Tadman asks.

Tom's quick to say, "He hasn't. He'd have been sent back by now."

Outside, on the stony shore of Beechey, two men sent by the captains of both ships make note of a particularly flat spot of land. Good for graves, they say.

"He'll make it through," Tom says.

---

In the doorway, Tom watches as Mister Weekes makes measurements of John. His height, the width of his shoulders, the width of his knees side-by-side. As he does, John sleeps fitfully, a pinch between his brows and sweat beading his top lip.

Weekes doesn't know Tom's there. He finishes his work, penning some numbers down in a little pocketbook. Then, he turns and sees Tom at last. His eyes go wide.

"Ah," he says. "Mister Hartnell."

Tom doesn't reply. Anything polite is caught in his throat. He only nods.

Weekes seems sheepish, apologetic. He fights for his words, but in the end only says, "A good evening to you," before walking by Tom.

Tom silently walks to John's side, looking his brother over now with new eyes. His height (for the coffin's length), his shoulders (for its width), his knees (tied together). But his eyes move restlessly under their lids, his cheeks are flushed, his fingers twitching as he dreams.

Then, he jerks away. He gasps, sputters, coughs. His glassy eyes cast about the sickbay until they catch on Tom's image, and immediately he settles.

"Tom," he croaks. Even sick as he is, he manages to smile. "S'dreamin' of 'alifax."

Tom forces a smile and pulls up his usual chair. He hasn't slept in two days, afraid of sleeping through what now seems inevitable. "Were you now?" he replies.

"Mm."

"Which part?"

John closes his eyes and grins. "You much for guessin'?"

"If it's what I think, then I'd rather not."

"Hah." He coughs out a laugh, and Tom tries his damnedest to ignore the rim of red on his bottom lip. "No. I was dreamin' about 'olystoning a bloody deck."

"You were dreaming about work?" Tom asks incredulously.

"Right?" John cracks an eye open. "I'm dyin' in a sickbay and that's what I dream about. S'awful."

Tom goes quiet then. John's never said anything about dying before. Up until now, it's been quiet reassurances that he'll make it through this again. As a veteran consumptive, he knows all the right strategies. He's made jokes about it.

John looks at him, his expression hard to read. If anything, he seems to try to read Tom's, searching his face for something. He clears his throat and looks away. "They plannin' anything for Christmas out there?" he asks.

It takes too long for Tom to comfortably respond. Eventually, "Yeah. Full-on feast or the like." He cringes, but manages to wrangle it into a weak smile. "Don't suppose there's a Goldner's Christmas Meal in one of those cans, d'you think?"

John laughs again, and it crackles in his throat. "I'd love to see it if there was."

"You will," Tom says. Maybe a bit too fiercely, too defensively. It takes him by surprise as much as it seems to take his brother. But he reiterates it, "You will."

"Sure, Tommy," John says. He nods, and a single drop of blood drips out of the corner of his mouth. He doesn't seem to notice. "I will."

---

By Christmas Eve, Mister Goodsir kindly tells Tom and Strickland that John's not doing well. It's soft sympathy, meant to cushion a blow that Tom's felt continually since November.

"He's not taken much by way of meals," Goodsir says. He fidgets with the cuffs of his shirt, apparently eager to do something with his hands. "I've managed with a little broth and some medicine, but he's gotten... Well, he doesn't seem particularly pleased with it."

He's gotten combative, Tom thinks. He's seen John's reactions lately, the way he strikes out at nothing, snarling at the ceiling like something there personally offends him. Tom can only imagine John trying to hit Goodsir as the man feeds him, like a temperamental, colicky child.

Strickland's hat is in his hands, and he's squeezing it so hard that Tom worries he'll crush it.

Goodsir goes on, saying they'll keep him comfortable, try to keep him fed, medicate him as needed.

Never once does he say John will get better.

---

They bury the stoker on New Year's. Tom doesn't see it—no one sees much of anything from the ships, as dark as it is. But he hears about it from Billy Orren.

That's how he learns about the open grave right next to the stoker's.

---

Tom sews a pillowcase. His hands are quick at this sort of work, learned from years of watching his mother and sisters, his aunts and cousins. He's always had a knack for sewing and mending, which is why some of the men on Erebus come to him for repairs. John was always—

John is good at it, too. Shoemaking and all.

He uses his fingertips to crimp the frills around the edges of the pillow, sewing them firmly into place. He's already got some cast-off rags and such to stuff it with, provided by some of the other Chatham boys who felt they needed to contribute somehow.

They've all been to see John—anyone who knew him in any capacity. Any man who didn't know him directly but who hailed from Kent and felt they needed to see their man off properly. Mister Armitage came the night before, offering his quiet condolences to a fellow St. Mary Magdalene congregant.

They paid their respects.

Tom swallows hard, blinks harder, and keeps sewing.

Then he pricks his finger with the needle, hissing at the contact. It stings, and he immediately sticks the tip of it in his mouth until he tastes copper. It seems to spread in his mouth, at the same time he notices the pin-sized droplet of blood on the pillow.

He stares at it for a long while as the bow of Erebus creaks and groans around him, as the sound of men enjoying the New Year carries down to his ears, as blood spreads across his tongue.

---

He doesn't want to remember this.

The high pitch in his ears, drowning out the ship, the Arctic, the world. His heart rampaging in his chest, throttling itself against his ribs like a prisoner. Tears ember-hot in his eyes.

No.

No, he doesn't want to remember this.

(He remembers it in sections now.)

The grief—

(John, still. Cold. Bloodless.)

Good God, the grief—

(Hands cold in Tom's. Unmoving. Callouses on his index fingers and thumbs from all those years of work.)

The way he cries out to nothing, to no one—

(Lips still, but slightly open. The barest shine of his teeth. Like he got caught on his last breath and forgot to shut his mouth after.)

The way his knees hit the floor—

(The blankets are damp with the sweat of a dead man.)

The way his whole body shudders, wracked with an animal noise—

(He can't look at his brother's face.)

And his forehead in his hands, like he's trying to hold himself together—

(Or the blood on his clothes.)

---

Tom shaves John's face. Orren trims his hair. Strickland cuts his fingernails. They wash him down, quietly trying to find something to joke about.

"God, remember when we were in Plymouth together?" Strickland says. His voice wobbles as though he's caught on a laugh and a sob. "That whole time he was trying to get Betsy off the breakwall. Like watchin' someone try to get a cat out of a tree."

Orren snorts and trims a piece of hair from behind John's left ear. "I heard about that," he replies. "The same time he fell in the water, yeah?"

"Absolutely," Strickland says.

"I'd have paid good money to see it," Orren goes on, brushing the hair off John's gansey. "This poor scrump absolutely soaked like a drowned rat."

It's easy to disguise a sniff as a laugh. "He's hardly a scrump, mate," Tom says.

"Eh, it kept him humble to say so."

They keep working in silence. Tom carefully shaves away the last of John's dark red stubble, the only part of him other than a smile that he shared with his brothers. He's clean-shaven save for some whiskers on his chin that he would no doubt be damned to see off.

Quietly, Strickland says, "I think he looks right proper, eh?"

Orren agrees. "Hardly a sailor no more. Looks more a'like one of those ponces in the high parish."

Tom silently agrees. Something about seeing John like this—shaven, trimmed up, relaxed—it almost doesn't look like him. For a moment, Tom thinks of what his brother would have been like if he'd been born anywhere else, to anyone else. If he'd just had more of a chance to be a child, to have a job he didn't hate and only find one he loved when it was far too late.

He hears Strickland sniffle beside him, and he wonders what he must be thinking. Of all their cousins, Strickland looked up to John the most. Proud to share a name with him, to sign his name alongside his, eager to follow him anywhere.

And now this.

Tom clears his throat. "He's to be buried in the morning," he says. "Sir John wants to say a few things then an' have a proper service."

"Feels wrong to just leave him tonight, though," Strickland replies quietly. "Should one of us stay?"

"No," says Tom. "I need— We need the rest, I think."

"Right," says Strickland at the same time Orren says, "Of course."

---

Fucking Christ, he doesn't want to remember this.

He sees his brother's chest open, blood bright on Goodsir's hands. He sees—

A heart.

His brother's heart.

Gore has to hold him back—

(Graham Gore, handsome and proud and practically glowing on the deck of the Volage. "You're a good man, Mister Hartnell," he'd once said.)

Restraining him by the chest, pinning his arms behind his back. Someone's hands are on Tom's shoulder, and someone else is yelling in his ear.

He feels delirious with it. The sight of Goodsir holding his brother's innards in his hands like he's simply been playing about in his chest. Oh, look what I've found, he imagines Goodsir saying. A liver. Ought we check if he drank overmuch?

Rage now.

(Not fear.)

Pure, bloody fucking rage.

(What could he be afraid of?)

He gnashes his teeth and wails. He snarls. He begs. He tries everything he can just short of clawing his way past all the men holding him back to shove the doctors and surgeons away and let his brother fucking be.

("They say men don't go to heaven if parts of them are amiss.")

Then he's on the floor, half-compressed under Gore's weight as he bodily holds him in place. "Hartnell, I know. I know," Gore says into his ear.

(Which Hartnell? he wants to snarl.)

"It has to be done. You know it does."

The person behind him hauls him back by the shoulders, and only then does Tom see that it's Armitage, his own eyes wide and face sickly-pale. He doesn't say a word to Tom, but Tom knows he's just as appalled. Only he's trying to keep Tom from getting a lashing or worse for acting out like this.

Tom moans in agony, the weight of this crushing him. He's steered away, the last sight of his brother open on the table like he's nothing more than a specimen to be studied.

Blood on the fucking linens.

---

Tom feels nothing on the day they bury John.

He's spent too much of himself. He feels like a candle guttering on its last supply of wax. Just smoke and air, now.

All he thinks to do is help cover John up a little more. His shirt, monogrammed, dated, wrapped around John like it'll keep him warm in the grave. That maybe something will change if he carries Tom's name on him to wherever it is he goes.

("They say men don't go to heaven—")

He doesn't hear Sir John's service, or the words of sympathy the officers give to Tom. He hears them say how John was a good man, and Tom wonders how they could possibly know that. How could men who scarcely leave their comfortable bedrooms and wardroom, who grew up in gilded halls with servants and cooks who made them wholesome meals that no one had to share—how could they know?

That's uncharitable. They're being kind.

But they don't know how this feels. The sensation of a heavy stone in his hand that he has to throw onto the navy-blue coffin lid, listening to the sharp tock as it makes contact, resounding in the half-filled hollow below.

He hopes to God they never have to bury one of their own.

---

Much happens after. Too much, too quickly. The world ends. A gun goes off.

Nothing happens at all. Not in this part of the world.

---

"Go be with your brother now."

---

John is carrying him back up the knoll. The air is summer-sweet, birds singing in the morning air. It rained last night, and John leaps over puddles while Tom shrieks in laughter.

They get to the hedgerow, still dripping with rain. John carefully lets Tom down and hands him the basket. "Remember to mind your fingers, Tommy," he tells him.

Tom eats more berries than he stores away. They stain his mouth and fingers again, and when he looks at his big brother, he giggles at the sight of berry stains on his face as well. They laugh together, their smiles identical.

When the basket is half-full, John pats Tom on the shoulder and motions for him to hop up on his back again. "Let's go home," he says.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next

[the---hermit]

Not me adding annotations to a book to make it more accessible for my mom when she will read it