#and it's my fault for so many reasons but god i am. so tired. i'm so tired

[t4tstarvingdog]

emailed them. i think i can access it now but i’m so so tired. i’m. so tired

[fridgrave2-0]

I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay with ford being an absolute asshole towards fiddleford and basically abusing him.

first of all, yes, it's not ford's fault that he was manipulated (doubtful tbh) and abused by bill, but that doesn't give him the right to be a jerk who closes his eyes on his friend's deepest traumas. the traumas fiddleford got only because stanford completely ignored his warning and got fidds involved into bunch of shit. like his monster hunting which wasn't even the reason fiddleford went to gravity falls in the first place. he was there to help ford build the portal, not to be a part of ford's anomaly quest. and when fiddleford spoke out against it he was ignored because ford doesn't give a shit about anyone else but himself or his muse. fiddleford got traumatized physically and mentally so deeply that in the need to be able to sleep at night peacefully he completely destroyed his mind to the state that even bill was scared to be in there. and what stanford did? he (the one who couldn't care less about fidds warning him about gremoblin) critiqued fiddleford for using the memory gun and didn't even bother to apologize or say that he's sorry in the journal. god, what am I saying, he didn't even took fiddleford to the hospital after fiddleford feel from the sky through the roof of a fucking barn with a dozen of poisonous quills in his body AND A BROKEN ARM. ford described what happened to fidds in the journal, said he "took him home for a treatment" and the next two paragraphs on the other page is "good news the hyperdrive works" LIKE IS THAT THE ONLY THING YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT THE HELL??? "despite our fortune, I have become worried about my assistant... I myself have survived many monster attacks without trauma, but perhaps F is more sensitive that I realized". no shit sherlock, who would've imagine that seeing your worst nightmares and being poisoned can leave a mark on your mental state. sure it's just fiddleford, he's just overreacting because he's "sensitive"))) /src

ford was ignoring fiddleford's concerns all the fucking time that mcgucket was there with him, he took a superstitious and religious guy with anxiety into the forest with real ass monsters who's no one but ford is used to see. fiddleford was warning stanford about shifty and got kidnapped with his identity stolen by the shapeshifter because ford didn't listen. well, at least this time stanford had bothered to apologize for another traumatic event- ah no, next thing ford said is that when the portal is finished all the traumas fiddleford had been through were "worth it". ford just finds ways to make everything worse

we all know that fiddleford has an addictive personality and that the memory gun is the biggest example of that. what we don't talk enough about is that ford at some point decided that sleeping is for losers, but didn't stop at himself and made fiddleford drink 13 fucking cups of coffee, not allowing him to sleep, what in the future made fiddleford a caffeine addict. ford is not only an overworking idiot who gladly damages his own health, no! he wants fiddleford to be the same and quote "gets frustrated" when fiddleford cares not only about his own, but their both basic needs. fiddleford had to work on the portal, get in the trouble with monsters because of ford, but also babysit this manchild to prevent him collapsing from exhaustion (which is more impossible than building a giant portal into the multiverse)

and here we are, the portal testing. once again (and as always) fiddleford did warned ford about everything. fiddleford was working without breaks for days to make sure if the portal will work, and when he found the flaws, he wrote a whole fucking thesis paper, putting all ford's research into a solid work (not taking even smallest credit even tho he was the one to build the portal. when fiddleford had his own theory in the university, ford helped him to only proof that fidds wasn't going crazy by checking the calculations and ford bothered to take the credit for the whole theory, but fiddleford who was a part and a victim of this monumental theory of weirdness didn't took it because he unlike ford doesn't care only about fame). but what did stanford do? he assumed that fiddleford wanted to steal his fucking fame and backstab him. ford didn't even bother to look at something fiddleford was making for three days without resting to make sure that portal won't hurt anyone in the town and that ford won't end up with empty hand if the portal was indeed a lost cause. stanford coldly dismissed fiddleford like they weren't friends, said that he doesn't really waiting fiddleford for the test of the device that fiddleford did built, and even knowing that the portal was dangerous fiddleford chose to come for the test

and then fiddleford got in the portal and it was the biggest traumatic event for him. it was the breaking point for him from which he couldn't stop using the memory gun. it damaged him so much, that he turned from that bright 30-y.o. man into the familiar to us old man mcgucket in the span of two years. his life was ruined for another 30 years, a half of his life he was a mad lonely guy who lived in the junkyard. the man who could've become someone like steve jobs but much better if only he didn't go to help stanford. his family could've been full, tate could have his father. the incident with the portal was the moment of no return for fiddleford, and what did stanford do?

when fiddleford got sucked in the portal, he thought only about the success of his work, that for fidds it was "a remarkable opportunity to confirm or deny the theory" (which he already did with his pre-test research). he didn't think that it was dangerous on the other side, that the portal wouldn't just disintegrate fidds on atoms. and when stanford saw him speaking in a non-human way, shaking and twitching in shock like fiddleford did after the gremoblin incident, ford decided it was nothing. when fiddleford warned him about the apocalypse because he was in the portal and saw it with his own eyes, ford, as always, didn't listen. he didn't just not care about fidds' condition — he diminished everything fiddleford was feeling and everything he witnessed only because it didn't fit in ford's believes which were based just on bill's words (and for stanford it's not something new to belittle things related to fiddleford. he wasn't taking fidds' dream of creating a portable computer seriously, believing that his weirdness theory was much more important)

and after this, stanford insults fiddleford and his family in the journal. he says that he doesn't regret their partnership (it's not really a partnership if stanford didn't count fiddleford as an equal) and friendship breaking up. "to think I considered him a friend!" I doubt he ever did. stanford doesn't know shit about being a good friend (or even a decent person) to someone who sacrificed everything for him. who did put his life aside to be with ford, who cared enough to stay despite stanford again and again putting him in danger, constantly waving him away and feeling no remorse for that. fiddleford was breaking himself for this guy, he canonically was going through "I am nobody to ford if I don't build stuff for him" (and in the end this is exactly what happened). fiddleford didn't tell ford most of his fears and concerns because he didn't want to bother him. fidds was constantly scared and kept in inside because he wanted to be a "better partner". "if I have an anxiety, I will pop anxiety pills", "I'm gonna get through this". and then he didn't

fiddleford was abused by stanford. he was to stanford that ford was to bill, in some ways even worse. it's fucking wild that fiddleford did forgive ford after 30 years of a neverending madness nightmare with his mind being destroyed so much as like it was the earth in the times of the dinosaurs after being hit by the meteorite. fiddleford had lost literally everything, he wasn't even himself for a half of his life and still fidds found the strength to forgive someone who is responsible for it and who used him with regular emotional neglect. and you know what? fuck this. ford would never forgive bill and fiddleford had every right to stay mad at stanford. ford needed to be stuck in the portal to get his head out of the ass and by that time there were only crumbs of someone who fiddleford once was

fiddauthor and billford both are about abuse and toxic relationships. it's up to you what you like to ship, but we need to acknowledge the fact that fiddauthor isn't some fluffy healthy thing where both are happy. fiddleford was never happy and stanford didn't care about fiddleford and his feelings. they made each other worse and ford ruined fidds' life. THIS is the real fiddauthor

[poggersbathwater]

vivziepop: this show is about criticising Christianity"

proceeds to: woobify sinners and make them overlords as a reward,for some reason all or most sinners (cannibals, rapists,murderers....etc) are queer,villainized Adam the first human (had nothing to do with Christianity at the time he got created and it's not his fault that god made him for a woman and just wanted peaceful life with her) who lost two women because of lucifer,made lucifer the good innocent guy (let's ignore that he is the main reason why humanity is suffering), "7 DEADLY SINS ARE GOOD FOR YOU ACTUALLY! LUST IS ABOUT CONSENT AND GLUTTONY ARE ABOUT SELF CONTROL,EXCEPT FOR GREED CAUSE THERE'S NO SUCH A THING AS A GOOD GREED CAUSE FUCK RICH!....btw please buy my Valentino cups! (I Wonder why 7 sins are deadly in a first place if they're caring and healthy according to viv)" "Wait.....are you telling me that stolas is a wise high ranking demon who give knowledge to those who summon him? Nonsense! Stolas is a horny softie who needs his imp slave to protect him! Screw accuracy! And you know what? I am making the rest of ars goetia and turn them into birds and had nothing to do with their demonology because I just need to use their names to make more characters"

(Yeah sorry about stolas accuracy part,it's just that I am tired of "not everything should be accurate" argument,that's like making thoth a Egyptian god of wisdom into a weak softie hypocrite character who is obsessed with sex and have nothing to do with his wisdom and knowledge,actually there's a lot of interesting things about thoth that makes him respected amongst gods and if viv wrote him he would be nothing but a joke character that have no personality outside of sex and victimhood mentally)

Alright lightning round here

Woobifying (idk what that means but i imagine it means glorification) sinners: I think the overlords are there to run businesses and industries in Hell, not to reward them exactly- but I do see the point you're making. The worse they are, the more power they have, which doesn't look too good for Hell's case.

Having most of the sinners be queer: Yeah I.. also get this one. It's weird how no fascists or.. well, generally bigoted people are there, but all the characters that ARE there happen to be queer. And I'm not saying queer people can't be bad, they can, but when there's more queer people than bigots in a place that's supposed to have the bad people... yeahhhhh no

Villainizing Adam: Yeah I hate how they turn Adam into a righteous douche- though it could make sense, since he did eat the fruit too (it probably changed his behavior a lot), turning him into a righteous douche who's bitter he lost his wife was.. kinda messed up.

The characterization of the sins: YEAH ACTUALLY THIS ONE SUCKS !! The whole point of Gluttony is that you just keep indulging without a care- the whole point of lust is that it's forced and it hurts people- if it wasn't about force, it'd be called love. Because consent is love. Force and betrayal (cheating/infidelity) is lust. The sins being characterized as good people takes away from why they are sins.

Stolas: Okay I don't know much about demon stuff, so I'll leave that alone (the ars goetia isn't talked about in Christianity so that's why I can't answer it), but I will say that stolas being the victim all the time is fucking ass. Yes, stolas has been forced into an arranged marriage. That sucks, it does. But that doesn't excuse any of his actions towards Blitzo, or his emotional unavailability towards Via.

I've never gotten this many asks Holy shit

[crimeronan]

Camila horror thoughts. In the horrifically fraught family horrors sense of the term.

What if Vee has specifically warned Camila about Hunter, told her all about what he specifically has done in order to give her a heads up, in a way naturally coloured by the views she has (not unreasonably) built up around Hunter because of all the stuff she's done.

So naturally she's got this wariness of Hunter that does not compute when she sees how genuinely caring he is with Luz even if logically she knows people can act remarkably differently in different contexts and none of it negates all the stuff he did with The Basilisks for Belos. But Camila is still pretty sure that Luz doesn't know, and is terrified that if she knew it might destroy something that she is desperately reliant on, her relationship with Hunter. It probably wouldn't, Luz could probably live with that since well horrible nightmare trauma soulmates and by Luz's standards she's done just as bad in a similar context but Camila and Luz keeping secrets for almost the exact same reason (to protect the people they love from horrors they are too insane to be affected by) appeals to me.

But the problem now arises, Camila's told Luz that she has adopted another kid, and Luz in the spirit of trying her best to reach out does want to see Vee or have her visit with Camila next time she comes or something like that since like, thats a normal thing to do on reconnecting with your estranged mother and finding out you have an adopted sister you've never met.

Vee, bless is not going along with that "don't tell Luz how horrible Hunter is since she is hopelessly codependent on him" bullshit at all. Camila knows that, Vee knows that. Camila knows she cannot ethically or reasonably expect Vee to not spill all of Hunter's darkest secrets to Luz in an attempt to ruin his life since, y'know all the stuff he did to her specifically.

For Vee the nicest most compromise-y thing she can do, is just never meet Luz face to face, and thats only because of her respect for Camila. But there's no way Luz isn't going to to notice or be concerned about this so there's this constant ticking time bomb of "when am i gonna meet Vee' since "oh she's off at college" isn't gonna work forever.

god this is all so good. i've been thinking about it since you sent this ask a few hours ago now. bc like. god. there's So Much....

i think you're 100% right that vee would try to stay out of things. she's like mama respectfully i'm ready to meet her IF i'm allowed to scream a lot of pent-up utterly unhinged bullshit but otherwise i think it's best for me not to be involved.

and camila is SUCH a bad liar. if she tried to say that things were fine with vee, luz would clock that something was wrong immediately. she obviously wouldn't jump to "she's from the isles" when there are so many more obvious conclusions -- maybe vee is jealous of luz for being the first daughter camila loved, maybe she's angry at luz for running away, maybe she's sick of luz monopolizing camila's time now when vee is used to having their mom all to herself....

regardless of what luz thinks is most likely, she's definitely like. Ah. I Am Driving A Wedge Between Them. This Is My Fault. On A Personal Level. Somehow.

and then on camila's end, that's even true to a point.... bc vee is getting increasingly more upset by the idea of protecting luz's feelings. i can absolutely see a very tired vee finally having the stress get to her & snapping, "why do you think she'll CARE?? she isn't going to care. even if she's as nice a person as you think she is, it's not like i'm a human or a witch. i'm nothing. she doesn't know how to care about people like me"

...there is, of course, a delicious and vicious irony in that. like. luz Very Much Does Know how to care about someone who isn't a witch or a human.

Oh God.

and then whenever luz meets vee, when it all finally Does come out.... i feel like it would sort of be worse for vee than anything she'd actually braced for. because luz DOES immediately care, she does act like it matters, she immediately wants to know everything and fix everything and make it all better, she immediately takes on all of the responsibility for everything the empire's ever done, she's so sorry, she didn't know, she would have done something, she can do something now--

--and vee is like well. HE knew. and he sure didn't want to help me!! even though i asked him to!! even though he KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING TO ME THE ENTIRE TIME

hunter has wisely remained quiet because he doesn't think he can really defend himself here. and luz has this moment of uncertainty and confusion, and then she looks at hunter's face, and for a second vee thinks that he's just going to straight-up deny it, but he doesn't. and luz seems to understand that it's all true.

and she doesn't look angry. or even betrayed.

and then she's trying to tell vee that hunter was always in danger when they were growing up, that there must have been extenuating circumstances that made rescue impossible, that he would have helped her if he could, that luz KNOWS he would have because he wouldn't just leave vee to suffer for no reason, that's not the kind of person he is,

and hunter is the one to be like luz. stop. she doesn't need to hear that right now. she can hate me. it's fine.

so vee's opinions on luz are like. 1) i hate that you're so nice that i look insane for being angry with you 2) you're a spineless coward who can't hold anyone accountable 3) you've fooled camila into thinking you're some helpless delicate flower by pretending to be sad when you DON'T care 4) if hunter is going to agree with me about anything then i should legally get to shoot him. just like once. i've never touched a gun or had any inclination to do so before today But I Should Get To Shoot Him .

camila's role in mediating this has mainly been to gently steer the conversation into more productive territory when it looks like it might devolve into panic attacks or violence from anyone involved. she's so fucking stressed by trying to keep things from coming to blows that there's like. no Way that she could do a professional-level job of Family Therapy Mediator.

god.

much 2 consider.

[anotheroceanid]

I'm so tired that I'm almost passing out, so here is the first scene of chapter 5 (it's the better revised scene so far) so I can take a nap. I'll post the rest of the chapter later. Welcome to the 17 years later. Everyone is kinda bitter...

The search for Percy Jackson started on December 22nd, 2010, same day she was identified as missing. With no witnesses or trails to follow, mistrust installed amongst gods and demigods. For the next months, the lack of clues and the shrinking list of suspects led to threats and accusations thrown by both sides.

Despite the efforts to find the Hero of Olympus, her sudden absence was the last straw needed to ignite a long-anticipated gods’ war.

ANNABETH

FEBRUARY 5TH, 2028

THE GREAT CITY OF PERSES

Annabeth should’ve reacted better.

Not only that morning in Olympus, but so many times before and after it.

She and Percy hadn’t been on the best terms when everything happened. They hadn’t been on good terms before everything happened and, though sourly, Annabeth concluded the argument was mostly her fault. If she had dealt with things smoothly, perhaps Percy wouldn’t be alone in her cabin during that Winter Solstice.

Annabeth should’ve reacted better. But she didn’t.

Her eyes painfully burned as she finished reading Nico’s letter, but Annabeth didn’t cry. It’s been years since she such humanity been at her reach.

Whilst her eyes were dry, her heart drowned.

Annabeth licked her lips nervously as she went through the content of the letter a second time. She expected she had misread it all. Or at least that she would notice the new source of their obsession. Something the others had missed, something that could… would change it all. It was always like this, for almost two decades.

‘…and despite all my uncle’s efforts, it seems that her presence is too foggy and dispersed to be tracked back to its source. But he swears he heard Percy calling for him.’ Annabeth reads aloud, not allowing herself to sigh before the last phrase, ‘Uncle intends to keep trying.’

Of course he will, thought Annabeth, he’s chronically delusional. Like I am. Annabeth knew what people spoke about her behind her back, what they thought of her determination to find Percy.

No one was brave enough to say it to her face, though. She could count on her fingers how many people spoke freely to her. Wherever she went, fear struck people’s hearts. Whatever their real opinions were, it all died in their throats when they stood in Annabeth’s presence.

What they didn't say mattered little, she saw in their eyes everything she needed to know about them. Their whispers always got to her ears. Percy Jackson might not be dead, they would say, for her friend’s soul never got to the underworld, but she’s beyond the reach of mortals, was what most concluded.

To it, Annabeth would snarl and urge to cry at the same time. There weren't tears to shed. Which was good. Crying is for humans, mortals if one will, Annabeth had become something else these past seventeen years. The wars had hardened her heart. Wherever Percy might be, she had half of Annabeth's soul with her. Annabeth's shift had been inevitable, but for the best.

Sure, Percy was out of the reach of mortals, it mattered nothing to Annabeth. She’d allow monstrosity to take over her entire self if needed. It was not exactly a challenge, given her origins.

Percy was out there, somewhere. They’d reunite again. Should it take seventeen years, twenty years, a century, or a millennium. Annabeth was ready to crawl back from the death.

Annabeth reread Nico’s a third time. For much less, they had looked in the Sea of Monsters. Now… This time they had reasons to indulge in delusion. For the first time, in seventeen years, they weren’t dealing with a theory, or hopes or suspects. No, Poseidon felt Percy’s presence in the ocean, he heard her voice. If the Lord of Seas believed such thing, then he couldn’t be wrong.

That’s not true, is it? Her own voice hissed inside her mind, everyone knows Poseidon is losing his marbles, and so are you.

Could gods hallucinate? If so, Poseidon might’ve imagined it all. After all, how much of a god's mind was trustable? Often, Annabeth pondered if all that wasn’t Poseidon’s punishment for his crimes; finally loving someone so purely, just to have her taken from him so suddenly and cruelly. He deserved some retribution. Most gods deserved, even some of those Annabeth didn't absolutely despise.

Unfortunately, gods couldn’t even suffer without crushing the world under their misery. How many men lost their daughters because of Poseidon? What had they to sink but their own hearts?

Annabeth envied the God of Sea. She wanted everyone and everything to drown in her sorrow, to have their lungs filled with her venom and share her pain. Instead, she’s forced to this position.

She also envied Percy. Her friend, gone and loved, while Annabeth was none. Not even as a child—her father didn’t even mind searching for her, let alone rage for her.

Annabeth was fixated staring at Nico’s handwriting for so long, the words started to lose their meanings. Dispersed…

Why can’t we be together, like we used to do?

Her eyes raised from the letter to the photography she kept on her desk. Percy and her, their arms thrown above each other’s shoulders, smiling mindlessly to the camera. They were fourteen at the time, clueless about all the pain there was yet to be witnessed.

They had so many opportunities to disappear, to be sisters somewhere else far from the gods instead of crawling back to them over and over again. They should've run, let them fight their own battles. They would've preserved what really mattered. Themselves.

Seventeen years past the Titanomachy, it is hard to recall what was the significant difference between the Olympians and their predecessors, the titans. Zeus even looked like his father, should Hecate’s words be trueful. The world ended up in shambles anyway; at least with the titans Annabeth knew what to expect, she could've planned something.

The sound of a pouring liquid on her goblet drags her away from her thoughts, that's when Annabeth’s reminded that she isn't alone in her office. She turns her eyes to face youth and strength, embodied by a boy who's been alive for less time than Percy’s been missing.

Sometimes, Annabeth had a tough time not holding it against Dennis. He'd be turning seventeen in a few months. Percy's age when she disappeared. Annabeth envied his vigour; she loathed how Dennis wasted it in goodness. The boy wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Unless I told him to do so. He'd bring me Jason Grace's head if I demanded it. If he weren’t such a great asset, I’d do it already. No… Not right now.

Still, that simply wasn't Dennis’ nature. He could follow orders, but there was so little fury on him. Why? What kept him from succumbing as so many others did? What was his secret; why does he smile so kindly when there is nothing to smile at all? How does he keep that madness glitter in his eyes under control? When will he seek revenge against her? He should've already. It'd be so easy to poison my wine…

Annabeth brings it to her lips. No poison unless one counted the alcohol.

‘I hope they'll find Persephone Halosydna this time,’ he says sincerely, not an ounce of sarcasm in his tone.

Annabeth take a bigger sip. She hates how kids these days call Percy. Everything, anything, but her name. Those stupid titles and epithets. Annabeth hates them, even more because she was the precursor of their use.

‘Hope is all we, the Earthshaker included, have in regard to Percy.’ Another voice spoke, this one tired and far from kind. Clarisse annoyedly stretches her burnt fingers before reaching for her own freshly filled goblet.

‘Well, it's his daughter…’ Dennis quietly argued. He talks just barely higher than a summer breeze, and the only reason he's heard is because the sound of his voice had an almost narcotic effect. Makes one want to hear it.

‘I'm not questioning that.’ Clarisse deep inhaled, ‘I’d react the same in his place. It's just that...Every time he gets disappointed… Well, how long until we run out of food?’ She spoke darkly and her eyes focused on Annabeth’s.

Annabeth noticed how Dennis bit his lips nervously. He didn't like this talk; he didn't like the implications. He'll have to get over it. Soon.

Four years prior, an armistice was necessary.

Both sides couldn't fight a war while corpses flooded the entire territory due to the plagues. People died overnight, no one had the necessary supplies to deal with the simplest of diseases, and the decomposing bodies in open air increased the infectious hazard.

Without the pandemic, the Greeks would've had an unquestionable victory of the war, conquered all Western territory, and destroyed Rome. However, they had to retreat to solve that more urgent matter. Had it not been Zeus' speaking in their behalf, the Romans would've had already starved to death. But Annabeth needed to keep the Oracle under Greek sole control. So, she complied to a lot of distasteful things.

Four years past the armistice, it seemed that Jason Grace saw the Greeks’ territory as Rome's farm. It was not their fault that the Roman's had spent most of their supplies during the war. The Romans’ curses weren’t the Greeks fault.

Demeter was letting their enemies starve. Poseidon often flooded or sent an earthquake on the Roman side of the continent. In the beginning, it didn't matter. Not to Annabeth. The Greek's harvests thrived. In fact, making the Romans so dependent of them was something positive. Feeding them was a sour matter, but it was always meant to be a temporary resolution... Everyone knew the war would ignite again.

Then, last year happened. They barely produced enough crops to finish a year without messing with the reserves. A good share of the livestock died of hunger or disease. The drought kept going.

Zeus refused to let it rain, and everything not so depended on water that they tried to plant ended up cursed. This meant Poseidon would get mad and attack Rome. Zeus and his allies couldn't attack Perses directly, so he used of other methods to pester their lives. While Romans and the Greeks might've ceased fire, the gods never stopped their war.

As Katie always said, warring against the Romans was cheaper than feeding them. This time was also a matter of resources.

Annabeth bet they'd be back to the battlefield in less than a year. Clarisse shared the same opinion. Right now, every advantage was theirs. The Greeks couldn't lose their momentum—they had to attack while they were strong. All Annabeth waited for was Poseidon's signal. They needed to wait for Zeus to turn their eyes somewhere else, so nothing would stop their advances against Rome. It needs to be soon, she thought, if this drought keeps going for much longer, we won't have reserves to feed the army...

Anytime, she expected. Then, the realisation came to her mind, Percy’s return, and Rome's downfall in the same year. If Annabeth still prayed, she'd pray for it to turn into reality.

‘Soon, we won't have to worry about it anymore.’ Annabeth said, turning to Clarisse, ‘If there is anyone you think suitable for the Fields, the moment is now. We must be ready.’

Clarisse pondered for a second, but nervously circled her goblet with her fingers. ‘From the top of my mind, I can't think of anyone.’

Liar. ‘What about Ajax? You said he's been bothering you about it.’ Annabeth recalled a talk they had in the last Council. Which had been months ago, and a slip from Clarisse’s part. There was a time that the way Clarisse looked at Annabeth would've made her shiver, but not anymore. ‘Prepare a sparring session, I want to see how the apprentices are doing.’

‘Don't you trust my judgment?’ Clarisse growled. ‘Jack's not ready.’

‘He’s older than Andromachus when we sent him there.’ Annabeth pointed out.

‘Jack ain't Andy, Annabeth!’ Clarisse slammed her goblet against the table. ‘All the talent he has with weapons is worthless when compared to his lack of common sense. I'm saying it as his instructor and superior.’

Annabeth remained silent for a second, studying Clarisse's troubled expression. ‘And as his mother, what would you say?’

‘He’s only fourteen years old.’

So was half our army in both the wars we fought, Annabeth thought of saying, but preferred not to start this discussion in front of Dennis. ‘He'd be with Chiron. Drew is there for a reason, too. It’s not as if they’ll allow him to cross the border.’

‘Yes, Annabeth.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Thank you for giving me a lesson on my own child.’

‘I was right about Andromachus. And Dennis.’

‘Not every kid is Andromachus or Dennis.’ Clarisse spoke gravely, and Annabeth saw Dennis flinch. ‘I can prepare a sparring session, but my answer about Jack is still no. And the authority to decide who’s sent to the Fields remain in my hands. You won't change my mind this time.’

Annabeth shrugged. ‘You're wasting his potential.’

‘I can live with that.’ The older woman spat.

Shouldn't she want him strong to defend himself? Andromachus and Dennis had never been in a war field, but their names were already whispered either with fear or adoration across the whole continent; they could defend themselves against anything thrown in their faces. Ajax was good but sloppy; his feelings were always in the surface—the Spartan Fields could help him overcome it.

The Fields had borders with the Wild and the Lost Lands, but most importantly, it was the only piece of land where the Greek and Roman territory met. Therefore, the only border they had to defend, so the recruits were sent there to brush up their abilities. It was an honour. Only the best of the best went there, and as much of a troublemaker Ajax could be, he still fit the part. There was nothing for him in Perses, under his parents' wings and his brother’s shadow. Dennis had been in the Fields for a while, and so did Andromachus, eldest of the La Rue-Rodriguez kids. Chiron called them prodigies; Annabeth agreed.

Ajax was far from prodigious, but talented enough to become great. However, there wasn't anything else his mother and father could teach him, and Annabeth could not have a loose canon once the war started. Clarisse and Chris would have to get over it.

‘I could try working on Jack.’ Dennis interjected, his soft-spoken words cutting through the tension. ‘I mean, maybe the Fields ain’t for him, but he needs to learn some discipline. Especially because, in the absence of Andy, the younger kids look up to Jack. He needs to be a good influence for...’

Dennis never finished.

His already mellifluous voice got completely muffled by high pitched screams and doors being slammed. Annabeth closed her eyes, as if it'd make all that noise go away. Instead, they got closer and closer as the kids ran through the corridors of Annabeth's compound.

The door slammed open, and an army of kids invaded Annabeth's office, screaming excuses to why they looked like that.

‘...if Leocito wasn’t a prick!’

‘Silena!’ Clarisse shrieked. ‘What sort of language is that? Look at the state of... Your arm!’

The three younger kids looked as if they had been at a battlefield.

Leander, Silena, and Penelope were all covered in dust. Penelope's usually shiny long hair was all tangled, as if some animal had a fight there. Annabeth wouldn't be surprised if Leander revealed he had tried to dive on dirt, for he’s covered in it from head to toe, spreading it everywhere in Annabeth's floor. Silena's sweater had a hole from shoulder to elbow, and she had a long cut on her arm. She had both hands placed above her heart, and Annabeth noticed she was holding something.

Though the cut didn't seem to be deep, Clarisse still ran to her youngest child as if Silena were at risk of losing a limb over that cut. ‘How did it happen?’ She shrieked. Instead of looking at Silena, her eyes darted to Ajax, who avoided his mom's eyes at all costs.

Finally, the children decided to shut up. Ajax's gaze focused on the ground; arms crossed in front of his body. He wasn't nearly as dirty as his younger siblings or Penelope, excepts for some little scratches on his hands.

Annabeth didn't need him to speak, already knowing the answer. It was not the first time they showed up looking like that, and despites all warnings they received, she doubted it'd be the last.

‘They were at the Old Camp.’ Annabeth hissed, raising from her chair. Dennis hurried to get her cane, but she used the table to stand. ‘Again. Do any of you...’

‘It wasn’t my fault, Aunt Annabeth!’ Leander cried out. The boy took a step forward, but thanks to Clarisse, Leander never gets close to the carpet. His mother grips his arm and stops him and the dirt on his shoes from moving any further. Great, it’d be a nightmare to clean. ‘They went there on their own, as always!’ Leander accused, pointing the dirty finger to the girls, who sneered.

His mother, however, didn't look impressed. ‘And you followed?!’

Clarisse’s face got furiously red. Her eyes went from Silena's wound to Ajax ashamed expression then back to Leander, who kept blabbering accusations. Beside Annabeth, Dennis sighed and shook his head in disapproval.

Despite Leander’s attempts to explain his lack of fault in the matter, his excuses didn't seem to appease Clarisse, who got more outraged at every word, facing morphing from disbelief to horror to anger within milliseconds. Ignoring the youngest of her boys, she turned to Ajax, ‘I told you to keep an eye on them!’

Ajax shrugged, ‘I was training.’ He mumbled.

‘And left your little sister and brother alone at home?!’ Clarisse nervously stretched her fingers, gritting her teeth.

‘Nothing happened.’ Ajax argued, timidly. As hot-headed as he could be, he turned into a scared kitten in the presence of his mother. He had been a shy baby, and a part of him never outgrew that. Nor it ever will if he stays in the nest.

‘Something could've happened!’ Clarisse argued back, putting her hands on his shoulders to shake her son.

‘Not if she had stayed at home, I didn't want to go there, and I didn’t tell her to go to the other side of the hill.’ Ajax stared at Silena who, with hands still carefully cupped, widened her doe eyes and turned to her mom, forming with her lips a delicate pout, which spoke louder to Clarisse than any argument her second son could use.

‘We didn't mean to go so far in the woods, we got lost.’ Said Silena, voice one octave higher than it usually was, lashes fluttering as she recoiled herself, making her figure even smaller. Clarisse got a shade less red.

‘You shouldn't be in the woods in the first place!’ Ajax interjected.

‘No, but you wouldn't stop bragging about how life is unfair.’ Silena said, furrowing her brows, but before her brother could say anything else, she changed the subject. ‘He's still mad that dad and Uncle Leo took Andy to Rhode Island and not him.’

‘I'm not!’

‘He is!’ Leander said, and Annabeth noticed Penelope biting her lips to hide her subtle grin.

‘Why did you followed them instead of calling me, idiot?’ Ajax inquired with an eyebrow raised in an expression that was remarkably like his mother’s when she got mad.

‘Don't call your brother that!’ Clarisse barked, ‘Why didn't you call him?’

‘I... I wanted to make sure they'd be fine.’ Leander said as it was obvious.

Finally, Penelope, the youngest in the group, broke her silence, ‘You ran into the Big House, and we had to save you.’ She was at once struck back by screams from Leander trying to defend himself, followed by Silena's arguments to defend her best friend. Ajax had an annoyed sneer watching it all.

‘We weren't even that close to Old Camp; we were near the beach!’ Silena said, and just like that Clarisse went from mad to perturbed.

‘Where is safe.’ Penelope hastily remarked.

‘Leocito came running and said he wanted to see if there were spoils in the Big House to steal.’ Silena explained, shaking her head disapprovingly.

‘We only went into the Big House when we heard his screams.’ Penelope added. ‘He thought he had seen a ghost but turned out it was just a curtain.’

Leander opened his mouth to explain himself, but Clarisse made an indignant sound. ‘The thing is falling to pieces! It could've fallen to pieces on your heads!’ The more she spoke, the higher her voice got, but now out of worry. ‘What would I tell your parents if you died smashed by debris, Penelope?’

Without flinching, Penelope answered, ‘That their daughter left a mark.’

Dennis chocked a laugh, louder than his speaking voice. Flushing, he brought a hand to his lips to hide his sudden amusement.

Slowly, without saying a word, Clarisse turns to Annabeth, face frozen in disbelief.

‘Your, or even Leander’s, disregard for you own life does not give you permission to break rules, Penelope.’ Annabeth intervened, staring at the girl’s face. ‘I should expect that, out of everyone, you’d understand why Camp Half-Blood is off limits.’

‘Well, it shouldn’t be.’ Penelope petulantly crossed her arms, the little brat. ‘We should be working to rebuild it, I mean, people arrive every day. We’re getting crowded. We either rebuild the Old Camp and expand the city, or it’ll expand itself against our will. Also, at this point that’s lighthouse for monsters and worse things, don’t you think it’ll become a problem soon? Do you want your Magnum Opus to be ruined?’

Annabeth’s eyes twitched. ‘You’re exceptionally good quoting your father. Almost word by word.’ Annabeth responded, unimpressed. ‘What you’re hiding, Silena?’

Silena blinked a few times, then opened her mouth in a perfect ‘o’ and smiled as she intonated, ‘I saved him, it’s a bird.’ Annabeth hated birds. Little devilish creatures. ‘It sought refuge inside the Big House, I believe.’ She carefully shows a feathery thing, small enough to fit inside her little hands. If the thing weren’t trembling that much, Annabeth would’ve believed it to be dead. Noticing it, Silena snuggled the bird against her sweater again. ‘We were already there to save Leocito, so I thought...’

Clarisse exhaled, ‘What did your dad say about bringing animals back home?’

‘But mom…’ Silena pleaded, fixing her big eyes on her mother again. Voice even more childish, helpless expression. ‘He’s so small, and he needed my help… And… And… Look how pretty his feathers are! They’re so gold, I mean, it is now that we cleaned him a little, I thought the poor thing was grey. He was calling for us, asking for help. I couldn’t just live him there.’

Dennis chuckled. ‘He is adorable.’ He agreed, walking near Silena to have a better look at the bird, and she proudly raised her hands near Dennis face. ‘Really adorable!’ He confirmed.

‘Yeah, and she’ll cry like a baby when it dies.’ Ajax scorned.

‘He ain’t dying!’ Penelope and Silena roared as one.

‘Sisi…’ Clarisse tried, and Silena reached out for the fabric of her cloak, pulling it gently.

‘Please mom! Please, please, please!’ Her eyes filled with tears, so naturally that impressed Annabeth. ‘I know he still might die if I bring him in, but he’ll surely die if I don’t do anything. Please, mom.’

Clarisse closed her eyes for a second and grimaced, trying to fight her own daughter’s words. Then, she opened her eyes and, of course, ‘Fine!’ She never denied Silena anything. Whatever kept Silena occupied and ignorant to the world surrounding her, Clarisse obliged. The tiny girl cheered as if she hadn’t just broken a rule set to keep people alive, followed by Penelope who happily jumped around her. Here it is, this carpet is never getting clean again. ‘But if it lives, you’ll have to set it free in the wild.’

‘He’ll won’t die!’ Silena protested.

‘We’ll take him to Uncle Will!’ Added Penelope.

‘And don't expect me to take care of it, it's your responsibility.’

‘I'll help her!’ Penelope didn't fret to say, and for some reason Annabeth's chin trembled.

‘And you’re both still grounded. You’re all grounded, in fact.’ Clarisse said. All the kids groaned, probably hoping they’d get away with it. ‘Until your dads are back, then they'll ground you all again.’ No, they'll not, Annabeth thought, they're softer than you.

Ajax eyes pictured his outrage, ‘But it wasn’t my fault!’ He cried out like a baby, shivering ashamedly as he noticed his tone, ‘Mom…’ He softly pleaded, being not nearly as gifted as his sister on doing so. ‘It’s not my fault!’

There was a moment of silence, and Clarisse's eyes locked with Annabeth's for a second. She licked her lips, and her jaw was tight. ‘You need to take your responsibilities more seriously, Jack. What if something caught you? How’d you feel if a monster ate your little sister? They’re little, but you should know better.’

Ajax inflated his chest and took a step further, ‘But I…! Yes, ma'am.’ He didn't finish. Just like he did when he was scolded as a toddler, he lowered his head, and quietly apologised for his misbehaviour.

[summertrynnacope]

CW: Nazism, TribeTwelve, swear words, (vent??)

Spoilers for EMH, Canyouseethewords blog, TribeTwelve and Sebastian's Journal.

Hi, it's me again. No shit. So. It's been like a month since the whole drama unfolded and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. I know things have quieted down lately, and like many others, I wish we could all move on and forget this ever happened. However, I can't simply recover from it, mainly because I feel the posts about me continue to spread on this platform, radiating the negativity and false info about me to this day. This drama has been devouring me for a long time now, and I've decided to make another post. I gotta admit I haven't been 100% honest in my previous post, it was more of my attempt to back off, cry over it and avoid this drama. But I'm not doing that again. I'm done pretending and I'm tired of being nice and tolerating others when they're completely misguided. I'm fucking angry. That's why I decided to make one more post about this and I have so many things to say. This is not another apology post, think of it as a vent post and recap explanation of everything where I'll be brutally honest.

Also, if anyone of you is a Nazi supporter, get the fuck out. I do not welcome you here.

First of all, I do not understand why my efforts have been ignored. I did everything that was asked of me. I acknowledged my so-called ''mistakes'', I owned up to them, deleted the posts, apologized, explained my intentions, and you decide to just fucking ignore it?? What do you want from me then, huh? I'm not the ignorant here, you are fucking ignorants. Made me realize I actually haven't done anything wrong. Made me wonder if I should've even deleted those posts, I put a lot of effort into them, and some people actually liked them. It's not my fault some of you are sensitive and brainwashed by censorship culture and you can't accept or understand a canon-accurate depiction of characters. You think I've been sweeping something under the rug? No. In fact, it's the opposite. You've been sweeping this whole shit under the rug by dismissing me as a Nazi supporter, just because I drew something that was considered canon for so many years. I've done nothing wrong, I've been honest about my art the entire time. I draw what I enjoy and what is accurate to the lore. I love history and the Slenderverse, and I draw canon-accurate content, yet you get mad over it. It's so ridiculous. If this post can't open your fucking eyes, I don't know what else will, and frankly I don't care anymore. I'm done with this shit. I've acted like the adult I am, and took responsibility. However I'm not going to to point any fingers or dismiss anyone specifically, because I am not like this.

And to everyone: If you don't like something, just ignore it. But if it really seems problematic and malicious, why not contact the person directly and talk it out, or find ways to know their true intentions instead of making hundreds of hate-posts about them like some pissy children. This is such a toxic behavior.

About the whole Nazi stuff:

Don't get me wrong. Nazism is a sensitive topic, I understand that. But I think being offended by it right now, in the 21st century, is just so ridiculous to me. I understand it can get very annoying tho. They talk about WW2 and the Austrian painter on TV non-stop. But being offended by some art? Like, are you serious. Do you realize Nazi shit has been in so many fanfiction, stories and literature for so many years, and you have no reason to get offended by it? The Nazi concept has been used in so many media, whether just for a joke or a serious plot point. South Park, Family Guy, Indiana Jones, Marvel Universe, X-Men, The Boys, and God knows what else.. Would you get offended by a fanart of cute little fat boy Eric Cartman? Of course not. But I can easily say: ''He's a Nazi! You drew a cute fanart of him! You're a Nazi supporter!'' That's you. That's how you sound. Do you see how ridiculous that is? There are thousands of people shipping him with Kyle Broflovski, oh but he's a Jew, and they hate each other in the show. Yet there are artists who make ship art of them. Does anyone complain? At the end of the day, they're just fictional characters, and I rather ignore it even if it kinda annoys me. Btw, South Park is just an example of this issue, I'm not targeting anyone or anything specifically here.

The Brandit post:

I really need to go back and add something to that post of HABIT saying ''LET'S FUCK AND PISS OFF OUR ANCESTORS.'' which creeped Firebrand out (honest reaction). That quote seemed really harsh, I know. Was it bad humor? Yeah.. But do I regret drawing this? At this point, I must say no. I did not stutter. As I said, I will be brutally honest from now on. Do you think HABIT wouldn't say that? Do you think he wouldn't say something sexual to a Jewish person, or frankly to anyone really? Yes, he would!! It's in his nature, he's fucked up. Are we trynna ignore the fucking scene of HABIT pulling the jerk off gesture at Noah?? Did we all not see the same thing?? He is like this. He makes fun of him while adding Christmas decorated borders on a letter for him. He's aware Noah is Jewish, yet he pulls a sexual gesture at him. Don't try to deny this one.

About the symbols... From what I've just said, I drew the little symbols there next to them (Star of David and Hakenkreuz) because I wanted people to see and realize the fact that these two guys are a Jew and a (former) Nazi, which people have been sweeping under the rug, not me. Also, if anyone remembers the post I made, I believe I wrote ''I should have put Christmas borders there as well/jk.'' under it or something like that. I removed it later on because people didn't seem to get it. It was obviously a reference to Severance. Everything I draw is a fucking reference. That being said, this post was made for awareness, not romanticization, and I do not ship them, neither romantically nor platonically, I just really like drawing them together, because if their iconic trope, canon interactions, mutual respect and shared spite for Slenderman, and the fact that HABIT helped Noah many times. That's it. Also, I wouldn't ship HABIT with anyone romantically. That is just wrong in so many levels.

Canyouseethewords blog and Sebastian's Journal:

If you didn't grasp the point of the Josef Mengele post either, go read Canyouseethewords blog here on Tumblr. It's part of the EMH lore. Basically, this blog belonged to Evan's girlfriend Stephanie, but HABIT takes over the blog later on and makes various posts about infamous real serial killers, such as Ed Gein, Jack the Ripper, and even the Nazi doctor, Josef Mengele. Whether HABIT wanted to imply that he's possessed those various people, that part of lore remains silent. At some point, I believed he's possessed those various people, so I wanted to to draw one of them, and I chose to draw Josef simply because I liked the idea of the connection with him and The Event from T12. That's it. And if that weren't the case that he's possessed any of those people, which would be rather a big relief, he's still possessed a different Nazi character in T12, which has been retconned. A character that no one really seems to know of, which is understandable. I get that some people don't want to analyze and support T12 anymore after what Adam did. In all honesty, I think sometimes it's best to separate the creator from the creation. I hate Adam, but I love T12. Anyway, in the story of Sebastian's Journal is a guy named Sergeant Heine who is (or was supposed to be) possessed by HABIT at some point. It implies to Severance where HABIT said he's been working with a group of Nazis on a particular project, including Sebastian. However, that connection has been retconned.

The HABIT/Nazi lore shit, people keep complaining and pissing about for no reason:

Listen, it was part of the lore for so many years that it's difficult to simply ignore it now. As someone who's been part of the Slenderverse fandom for years, going back, I just cannot think of it as a non-canon at this point. And I've already said the point of HABIT's character, and you all should know this by now. However I'll clarify it again anyways. The point is that he's an abomination of all the horrific actions humanity has committed, including atrocities of Nazism. He's done so many bad shit, as if eating a baby on screen wasn't enough, yet, of all the things he's done, people get mad over him being a former Nazi?? Like are you kidding me.. It's so ridiculous and hypocritical.

However... When I think about it, maybe HABIT was never even a Nazi, I mean- Working with them is one thing. He probably doesn't even give a single fuck about some ideology bullshit. He likely participated in the Nazi party purely for the sake of killing people. He wouldn't care less if his victims were Jews, Romani, or anyone else, he simply enjoys killing people for the sake of torture. Heck, he doesn't even remember the name of the party he was in. In Severance, he stuttered when trying to say ''Nazis'', which, in my opinion, was funny as hell. But that one is just an idea of his character.

Anyway. Even if HABIT wasn't a former Nazi at all, would it change anything? Absolutely not. He would still be the same horrible piece of shit he is. And sorry not sorry, but he was never meant to be a likable character. As a well-written antagonist, yes. But as a person? Hell no, so far from it. There is literally no reason for people to get mad over him being a former Nazi, and if you are, it's hypocritical of you, considering everything else he's done.

I must say one more thing, and it's the only thing I'm truly sorry for is that I didn't put content warnings and explanations on those posts. I made people angry unnecessarily for my impulsive actions.

I think that's all. Perhaps I've learned something by the end of the day, and I hope that at least some of you who are reading this, have learned something as well. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this (if you have), I appreciate it so much. See you on the flipside.

[t3a-tan]

In the size-shifter AU it makes you wonder how many friends James lost where his immediate first reaction to Oliver finding out is to expect to have to avoid him completely and never talk to him again.

Bro I'm so sorry I forgot to post this it's been in my drafts for a while—

---

James stared down at Oliver, frozen in shock at what he was hearing and seeing. It must be a trick. There was no way that Oliver, someone he honestly hadn't known that long in the big scheme of things, wasn't scared of him.

Even his ex-wife, the only person to accept his sizeshifting before, was scared when he first grew in front of her. As long as he stayed human-sized she came around, but things got heated again.

His size always caused problems. James tried his best to keep them under wraps and just be normal, but god did it feel tiring having to keep himself from growing all the time. Eventually it became too much for Emily to handle and they separated.

So why on Earth was this human man standing at his feet, as calm as could be?

It couldn't be real.

"Why….why aren't you running?"

The sounds of screaming shook the forest. James really hadn't meant it— he went to the woods to hide away and wait for his size to go back to normal only to stumble upon a campsite. He didn't get too close and he tried to calm down the panicking people but they simply wouldn't listen to reason.

Oliver's smile faded as his expression returned to it's usual relaxed neutral. He continued to look up at James, making eye contact that felt so…accepting. So warm.. But James knew better than that.

He probably thinks I'll hurt him if he runs or shows discomfort… I'm sorry Oliver, I shouldn't have let us become friends. This is my fault, James thought to himself.

"Why should I run from a friend?" Oliver asked— as if he was actually confused. As the man took a step towards James the sizeshifter couldn't help but move back in turn, startled by the gesture. Oliver's expression softened from its initial confusion, but as he opened his mouth to probably continue lying, James's voice boomed instead.

"Aren't you scared?" He asked, his brows furrowing as he leaned down, trying to seem intimidating. Did Oliver think he was stupid or something? No one could accept this form of his. No one.

Oliver reacted very little, not even so much as leaning back the closer James's billboard-size face crept inward.

"Am I supposed to be? You already told me not to be, and said you won't hurt me. I would've understood without directions, but then why is it so surprising that I'm directly listening to your very own words?" Oliver pointed out, humming slightly.

"M-monster..!"

"Get away!"

"You've been tricking us this whole time!!"

James flinched at the memory of all that yelling… friends from the past. He had tried to give up on it— his only companion for a while had been whiskey and rum every night… He rarely worked; his electric bill was never payed and he took cold showers with cheap soaps, trying to wash his feelings down the drain with the dirt.

Oliver had made his life better in many ways. After finding out he had no heating during the winter he paid the bill for him. He helped him get his drinking back under control. He was a genuinely nice guy and James couldn't help but trust him.

It was a mistake. He knew that. He had stopped making connections with humans for a reason…

"Maybe you should be… I could kill you right here and now if I wanted to. It wouldn't take any effort." It slipped out, but James couldn't help but try to get Oliver to leave just to avoid the pain of hoping and getting betrayed…that was what would ultimately happen after all.

Oliver stared up at him, eyebrow raised.

"I see. A defence mechanism… I suppose it makes sense given how I would presume most people tend to react to such a sudden increase in size." He sighed, shaking his head before looking up at James and seemingly contemplating something.

"I knew about you being able to switch sizes since November. You shot up a few inches. I noticed you continued to grow considering whilst you left the room you had to crouch under the door. I was going to ask, but considering you locked yourself in the bathroom I figured I should wait until you confronted me yourself." He explained.

James blinked in confusion. That long ago? That was months… he hadn't noticed a single difference in how Oliver treated him during all that time. He didn't even know Oliver knew.

The shock must've showed on his face, as Oliver smiled, reaching up and gently patting his cheek.

"You're a good man, James. I'm happy to call you my friend… giant or not, it doesn't change a thing." He spoke with a gentle and reassuring tone. James couldn't believe what he was hearing or seeing. Sure, Oliver had always come across as accepting but…

He would accept him as his friend? Even when he was a monster…?

Oliver saw the conflicted expression of James's face and he tilted his head, smile still apparent.

"Should we continue our walk then?" He offered.

Despite the fact that everything in James's mind was telling him he couldn't trust this….in his heart he understood this was real. The look in Oliver's eyes was genuine. His words were truthful. James couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah. I'd like that…"

[alatismeni-theitsa]

I usually always agree with your stance on depictions of greek gods in media and how they should look greek (as a greek myself, its frustrating) unfortunately in the case with Hades many of these conversations have been tainted by or are thinley veiled talking points in support of racism and alt right values (which I know is not YOUR intention! Or the intention of some others pointing this out, but from what ive seen of the majority it is racism/alt right rhetoric...unfortunately many game communities are running rampant with this) these people have no interest in anti colonialist values, and in many cases are actually advocating against what you're calling out and want the greek gods to look "white" not "greek" (blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin, just as you mentioned these depictions still being racist these types of people would have no issue if the gods looked like this and are actually they types to see this as their ideal ancient greek). I am just letting you know as someone who has seen this happen time and time again in game communities and has come to know how these people talk....Even if what they're advocating for at face value has a bit of truth I dont think these are values you want to align yourself with in this specific context 😅

I've seen these things too, and I disagree with the racist statements as you pointed out. The messages here asked for my opinion so I only gave it, without presenting any post/line I agree with.

I know the types you're talking about, the Greeks who think pale/blue eyes and light blond hair are the "ideal" 😭 I don't know how many of them are out there in this specific argument (I didn't spend too much time on X) but I've seen many Greeks here who agree the presentation of gods wasn't ideal, without going to the ALT right side.

The racists are against the design for their own stupid reasons. Following the "I don't like the design" line, doesn't mean I or others are following the racist line as well. Μακριά από μας 😂 These idiots go "no light skin = no Greek, Black people Africans GRRR", and they give me the hives. I think many of them also lack the critical thinking to understand what the underlying problem is. (I don't equate bad articulation with racism, I'm just saying our racists are not too bright and sometimes they don't put much time into understanding why they're annoyed 😭)

I put many disclaimers in the post to avoid being mistaken for one of them. I think we have to learn how to express our worries without slipping (accidentally or not) towards bigotry. I don't want our concerns to go unnoticed just because of some stupid assholes. I'd like Greeks to find ways to push back the racism and bigotry in the game community, and also advocate for more respect when it comes to our culture. I'm tired of racists ruining it for everyone, I'm tired of having to put disclaimers like "I think people should have rights" when talking about archaeology and culture. This is still the racist's fault, since their existence and prevalence makes us all look shit. The rest of us have to learn how to handle them and separate ourselves from them.

What do you think?

[tsukimefuku]

Overdue introduction post

She/Her • bi/pan • AuDHD non-monogamous lady • professional tinkerer • this year I’m gonna be unstable unstoppable

If you like anything I write, please leave a comment. I do my best answer each and every one made :)

I don’t usually take requests because I came back to writing in order to let my AuDHD run wild like a toddler with a pair of scissors, completely unbound by earthly restraints. However, I do take suggestions, if you’d like to send one in my Asks.

Pen name and meaning: Tsukime Fuku or Fuku-Chan. I wanted something to resemble the owl I feel like, most of the time (I have terrible sleeping issues). Fukurou (梟) in Japanese means Owl, so I just decided to shorten it in katakana (フク). I wrote Tsukime in kanji (疲明) mixing up the gloomy and tired aspect from “Tsuki” with the bright one from “Me”. I’m a tired, gloomy, somewhat optimistic millenial owl.

My letters from the LGBTQIAP+ community: B for kissing multiple genders and A for demisexual (I can’t spell, sorry). Also, I’ve got a wife.

Where I’m from: A country well known for being God's wild random sandbox experiment 🇧🇷 For that reason, English is not my native language (you can communicate with me in Portuguese, Spanish and English. If by any chance you say something in Italian, please make it three-year-old friendly).

Current fandoms: Jujutsu Kaisen (main) and Hazbin Hotel (secondary).

Former or everlasting fandoms: Death Note, Fullmetal Alchemist, flanaverse, Bojack Horseman, Rurouni Kenshin, Avatar (both The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra — I’m a Korra stan), Sherlock (books, stories, and BBC Series), Steven Universe, House MD, Supernatural, and other things I’ll add as I remember them.

Favorite genres of fiction: murder/mystery (b1tch! grew up reading Sherlock), terror, horror, drama and millennial comedy / dark humor. Currently, I’ve been getting into smutty fiction and rather enjoying it. I also want to write some chick lit stories, so...

Fun(?) facts about me I had enough time to come up with, instead of nervously sweating in the middle of a date thinking about them (this might get updated regularly, but probably won't - most recent will be at the bottom of the list):

Yes, I’m a criminal defense attorney. I love and hate my job multiple times a day.

I have a deranged type of humor (it's because of my inner demons. They have many voices. One of them is Carol)

I am unhinged and shitpost like a hell spawn. That's not a fun fact, it's a warning

I'm controlled by a monkey with a typewriter that lives inside my head. It feeds off of my anxiety during the day, then gives it back to me at night. It's lovely.

My writing process goes about like this: I get an idea. It plagues my every waking moment. If I don't write it, I realistically believe it might consume me into oblivion. So I write. Should I write because it's fun? Sure. Do I write to quench the thirst for dopamine of my inner demons (that have many voices, one of them is Carol)? Absolutely.

I got diagnosed with ADHD in my early 20's, and autism in my late 20's. These were definitely my roaring 20's, and we don't talk about it.

I try to be a kind person when I can. As a lady in her late 20's with some life and trauma experience involving mental illnesses, addiction, grief, and much more, you can always DM me if by any chance you need to talk about anything. I don't bite (much).

I realized I've been chatting with an online acquaintance that lives with a 12+ hour difference. That's how fucked my sleep schedule is — you can't fuck up your sleep schedule if you have none, amiright?

I need a soundtrack for everything I'm doing. It makes talking to people in real life very difficult.

I never know what day of the month it is. It's led me to receive happy birthday's unannounced and feel very confused at the people congratulating me on "my special day". I had done nothing special. It made no sense.

I tend to write very fast. It's the monkey's fault.

My most unpopular opinion: HIMYM ending was the correct choice, and made perfect sense for Ted and Robin.

My favorite quotes in English are the ending to The Great Gatsby (“so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past”) and a tidbit from Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest (“Truth is rarely pure and never simple”).

My favorite poem of all time is "Tabacaria" by Fernando Pessoa.

Something you’ll NEVER see me writing in love stories is romanticized jealousy and possessiveness. Everyone has their thing, but that’s really not mine, and I don’t enjoy writing it. When I DO write about jealousy, I like to explore the underlying insecurity and pain behind it.

I’m here to spread the non-monogamy queer agenda.

If you read this through the end, thank you, and I'm slightly concerned for your mental well-being. Come on over and have a cup of tea.

🦉

[allamericansbitch]

Hi Sarah, I probably should just unfollow you and keep curating my experience here, but you've been one of my fave blogs for years so I'm gonna try to explain it just in case it helps. The reason why I'm leaving and other people I know have left is because your blog is so draining... Obviously we don't know you personally or how you behave on a day-to-day basis, and it's not all your fault since 80% of your blog is usually asks of people complaining, but do you really not realize this? I remember that you said once during your hiatus that you were going to focus on enjoying things and getting rid of the negative vibes and stop responding to asks that only created drama. That felt so refreshing and good for you, but it keeps getting worse now. And if it feels this way to me and others, I can't imagine the weight that you must carry every day from the moment you log in... I'm telling you this because I don't consider you a toxic person and I think that you'd like to know if someone perceives you the same way as you perceive that one blog you hate (only in your case, it's the other way around) because to be fair the differences are not that huge... Obviously you're the opposite, but in terms of behaviour and perception as a whole, the vibes are there. I'm sorry if any of this has offended you, you're free to ignore it, keep feeding your anons and move on. I know it feels like an attack and that you losing one or two of your followers that you don't even know isn't gonna affect you at all, that's not the meaning behind this. I say this because I genuinely care as I know how toxic these apparently harmless environments can be to your own mental health. You are so much better and clever than that. Anyway, I wish the best for you, maybe I'll be able to follow you again some day. Good luck and please take care 💕

You know what. You’re right. Obviously you can unfollow me no matter what that’s your choice but I’m going to be honest, I am really tired.

I kind of have begun to dread looking at my inbox in the morning because of all the negativity and while I agree with a lot of it, it gets so repetitive. I have been trying to practice not answering the worst ones because my god are they bad and I’ve been doing a good job at just deleting them but there’s so many. I honestly just don’t want to not answer people, so many people have told me this is safe space for them and when they’re venting to me I feel like I have a responsibility to reply and have them feel heard, and I have thought about how it must feel to follow me and have to deal with all these asks.

It’s also really hard to get out of. Like every time something happens I get 20, 50, even 100+ asks about it and I feel like I have to respond. And that’s not even including the insane amount of troll asks I get, it’s exhausting. And I don’t wanna sound ungrateful, people have been so nice to me and appreciative. But for the past week or two, I’ve been wanting to just turn my inbox off because of how bad the troll asks have gotten and how I dread seeing more complaints first thing when I wake up but I’d feel so guilty taking the space away from people.

I feel the need to apologize but I don’t really know what for, the negativity I guess. I do not like what my blog has become to be honest. I think I’m gonna take the day and think about some stuff. Thank you for sending this in such a respectful, constructive way.

[rad-rat-with-a-tophat]

day 6 of @thetheatergremlin's boyf riends week, technically. I'm sorry this is late. whoops

✨hoodie✨

Michael was absolutely not crushing on his best friend right now. Not at all, in fact, he was completely and totally calm.

Yeah that was a lie, a huge giant lie.

Michael was very much crushing on his best friend right now, and it was all one Jeremy Heere's fault.

The thing is, Jeremy was freezing all day every day. He had the internal heating system of a refrigerator. So when Jeremy had come over for an impromptu sleepover at Michael's fault and forgotten one of his many, many, cardigans, he started complaining non-stop about being cold.

And because Michael was an amazing friend who happened to be a 'living heater' in Jeremy's words, he gave him his hoodie.

Michael was currently regretting this decision, because it was 2 am and Jeremy was draped across Michael's lap like a cat, red hoodie swamping his skinny, twig, body. He was positively fucking adorable with his hair messed up, feet falling off the beanbag on side of Michael and head pressed into the beanbag on his other side.

It was thankfully Friday, so they could stay up as long as they wanted. However, they had both woken early for school and were now thoroughly out of it. The only thing that prevented them from falling asleep was the fact that they were two stubborn teenage boys who simply didn't want to sleep so they wouldn't.

"Michael," Said Jeremy's groggy voice, smushed into the beanbag they were both on, "What the fuck are we watching right now?"

Michael stopped staring at Jeremy in all his cuddly glory for a moment to look at the TV in front of them.

"Yeah I don't know,"

"Can you turn it off? I'm too comfortable to move,"

Michael looked down at the boy in his lap, "You are literally just a cat, you know that right?"

"Sure, can you turn off the tv though?"

"Anything for you Jere-Bear," Michael cooed.

Jeremy groaned and Michael could see the faint blushing rising up the back of his neck.

He's so cute when he blushes, Michael thought, Wait shit, now is not the time to hopelessly pine over your best friend. Because that is all you'll ever be. Best friends.

"Michael, are you gonna turn off the tv or not?" Jeremy asked, twisting himself to glare, blue eyes squinting in an accusing manner.

Oh my god he's literally so pretty for no reason like oh my god, Michael rambled in his head, gently pushing Jeremy off him to get the remote from where it was by the tv and turn it off.

When Michael turned back to the beanbag he was met with a rumpled Jeremy sitting crisscross like a fucking cat with Michael's hoodie, ten times to large, hanging off his frame. He was peering at him with half-asleep eyes, but nonetheless he was analyzing Michael for something.

"Uhh, Jeremy?" Michael said, frozen in place, thoughts and worries going through his head a mile a minute.

Fuck. Did he figure out I like him? Shit! Is he disgusted by me? Is he gonna say that I'm a creep and he doesn't want to be friends with me? Because he should, I'm such a fuc-

"You're really pretty," Said Jeremy, staring straight at Michael.

"O-Oh, I am?" Michael stuttered. All that was going through his head right now was the real life equivalent of a key smash.

Jeremy nodded, then started making grabbing hands at Michael, "Come here, I need to do something real quick,"

Michael obliged and stepped towards him, forcing his mind to block any thoughts that weren't completely platonic.

Jeremy stuck out his hands, grabbed Michael's face, and planted a messy kiss right on his lips.

Jeremy nodded at the sight of Michael's crimson face. "I'm gonna sleep now," He said, stifling a yawn and collapsing into the beanbag.

"O-okay, you do that Jeremy," Said Michael, "Wait, are you gonna sleep in my hoodie?"

Jeremy made an incoherent noise and snuggled himself further into the hoodie, too tired to care about how his back would feel the next morning.

Michael looked down at him, Damn you are whipped Michael, he thought to himself before picking up Jeremy's surprisingly light in his arms and carrying him to Michael's bedroom.

[deusexmachinawitch]

I am here posting at 4 AM right in the day of my birthday because something unexpected happened. While many other things related to the challenge happened and I'll post about that after my birthday is over...

While listening to subliminals and affirming about having my dream family, my younger brother whom I've gone NC with him for 3 years has finally talked to me and apologized which is something unexpected to me considering how he is.

TL;DR incoming.

For context, my brother and I have been really close since I was practically the one that raised him since my Mom was not the best mother and back then she didn't even have her BPD diagnose. My brother was favored because of his gender but I really didn't mind, I still loved him regardless and protected him even when my Mom was being unfair or practically treated him badly for not being the son she expected him to be.

I won't go into details since they are really personal plus I don't want to remember the old story of my Mom being legit formerly abusive. Still, when her BPD was at her worse, she suddenly tried to pin my brother and I against each other but none of us would budge. Still, my brother got a girlfriend who got him addicted to prescription drugs (he basically stole my Mom's numbing medication and my own chronic illness medication whenever he visited me to get a kick of sudden peace and numbness). The girlfriend also got him into a certain grass we all know and he secretly smoked it at my Mom's house even tho he knew my Mom was told to not be around smokers of that thing because her BPD would get worse. He also began lying and stealing money from my Mom but I still tried to put peace.

One day, my Mom tried to send me messages to complain about my brother's girlfriend to me but sent the messages to him instead by accident. Instead of reasoning that it was another of our mother's antics of complaining about one child to the other, he accused me of being on her side and insulted me and berated me for the first time in a very disrespectful manner. And I wasn't going to allow that.

So when he said "Don't ever talk to me again", I said to him "Wish granted, Aladdin". And from there, I haven't talked to him in 3 years. Not a single "Happy Birthday", "Merry Christmas" and such. I wanted to teach him that I wasn't going to talk to him unless I got an apology and I was willing to talk things out and put everything aside. But he didn't talk to me.

My Mom blackmailed me several times into me being the one apologizing to him to have her two children together and I told her I wasn't going to do that since I wasn't going to apologize for something I didn't do, in fact, she should be the one apologizing to BOTH of us and she should be the one lecturing him and patching things up for us since she was the one that caused this in the first place. For the past years, my Mom kept pushing me and I wasn't budging.

Then I revised my Mom (you can check about that in my masterpost), my Mom felt really sad about the situation but she started recognizing her fault on this. My brother supposedly quit university and that upset my Mom, I revised that actually as a way to make her feel at ease since she was finally being the Mom I wanted her to be... And somehow one day she told me to go to my brother's university graduation and I was like "WTF is going on, is this LoAss? Huh?" because I'm a dumbass and I still get shocked at the stuff I manifest myself because everything just comes so easily to me that it feels unbelievable. Apparently, no one remembers that my brother quit university and things are going well apparently.

(This gif describes me well being shocked at being successful at manifesting and I am not tired about overusing this as my reaction to my own God powers and good stuff happening to me)

So basically, as a way to affirm SP in a very positive light and also for this challenge I'm doing (not 3DOLC x ROE), I was affirming for good family relationships so I can actually have my family at my wedding with SP (Yes, i'm that much of a hopeless romantic)... And suddenly my brother wished me "Happy Birthday", apologized and talked to me about videogames and asked me about my pets and health. He said he missed me and that he just wants things to be back to normal between all of us and have videogame nights again with our Mom like when we were younger.

So... Yeah, I guess I have my brother back now too. I gotta revise him stopping the medication stealing, not him being into the grass and for him to actually be my usual brother again. I really don't care about the girlfriend, but if she's going to drag him into these things, I really don't want her to be part of his life. Especially because she made him quit his dream to drag him to be in her university and get into the same career as her as a way to prove her that he truly loved her (yeah, this girl be so toxic that she is weak to psychic and ground types, hope you guys get this reference).

I guess I manifested his ass when I decided I didn't care about him because I had my Mom back and that he would eventually come around so why care about him. And there he is.

But yeah, happy birthday to me I guess lol??? This was an unexpected gift???

[nekooru]

₊ ☾⋆ angst dialogue prompts ⋆⁺₊⋆

a list of prompts i use to inspire my writing. i hope they're helpful for you !

more prompt lists: x

˙⋆⁺₊⋆.

1. "you're allowed to fall apart sometimes, you know."

2. "what's the point in trying when i know i'll never be enough?"

3. "i wish your love wasn't conditional."

4. "when did things fall apart? i never noticed until it was done." / "that's exactly why things fell apart."

5. "you were my best friend. i wish i had been yours, too."

6. "i wasn't enough for you." / "no, you were too much."

7. "i thought i could learn to like it this way. i'm sorry i dragged this out."

8. "it's tiring, missing you when you're right here."

9. "you seemed to like me best when i was lying."

10. "don't pretend you missed me. i'm not as stupid as you clearly think i am."

11. "why are you drinking so much? what did you do?"

12. "please tell me i'm wrong. tell me i'm jumping to conclusions— that i'm misunderstanding. please, just say it..." / "..."

13. "you really love her, and she doesn't love you back...how ironic."

14. "you left the most bitter taste in my mouth. how could you bring it all up again when i'm trying to move on?"

15. "i fucked up. god, i fucked up."

16. "so that's it? we're just— over?"

17. "i wish i'd never met you. i wish this was a lesson i never had to learn."

18. "you're fucking insane."

19. "am i the reason you cry every night? be honest."

20. "well, how did you expect this to turn out? it's not my fault you've been in denial."

21. "i don't understand how you sleep at night, so blissfully uncaring of the pain you wreak."

22. "will you miss me at all?" / "very much so, unfortunately."

23. "are we doing the right thing? is there no other option?"

24. "i know when it's good, it's really good— but i don't think i can handle the lows anymore."

25. "when did you want to hurt me again? today? tomorrow? you know, so i can note it in my schedule."

26. "do you fantasize about a life without me?"

27. "you're not the same person i married." / "well, people change. you didn't get the memo?"

28. "i wish i could forget your phone number. and your face. and everything we ever did together."

29. "let's not get irrational here. we're going to talk sensibly, and take it outside— so i can punch you without breaking anything."

30. "you thought i cared for you? why? i made the opposite excruciatingly obvious."

31. "god, why do you have so much blood? i can put it back— don't cry, i can fix it. just don't leave me, please."

32. "you're so dramatic. is this really necessary?"

33. "i'll be better next time, i promise." / "next time? no. i won't be here to put the pieces of your life back together next time."

34. "i don't know how to ask for help."

35. "when was the last time you told me that you loved me?" / "..." / "hah...you can't remember, can you?"

36. "it's okay if you need time to heal. i'll still be here, waiting, for as long as it takes."

37. "i can't keep going when i'm the only one putting effort in. i'm done begging for what i deserve."

38. "i can't lose you. i won't lose you." / "what? after everything? you've already lost me."

39. "you left without saying goodbye. i finally moved on, and you expect me to let you pop back in just like that? no."

40. "i always said i'd die for you." / "idiot...i didn't believe you until now."

41. "i can't believe i thought you meant what you said."

42. "for what it's worth, i'll never give up on us."

43. "you keep going radio silent on me, and i can't handle that any more. wondering if you're dead in a ditch? or cheating on me? i don't deserve that."

44. "you are not your past, so stop acting like you are. that's not an excuse to keep hurting me and everyone around you."

45. "how many broken promises are we at now? you know, i'm starting to think you're doing it on purpose. is my face that pretty when i cry?"

46. "don't give me that look. no, what did you really expect?"

47. "he/she/they showed me more love than you ever did. isn't that sad? it makes me sad."

48. "oh, i see where it went wrong. you're a little confused, but you're almost there— you're supposed to break up with me, then fuck other people."

49. "don't even try to kiss me. get the fuck off me."

50. "don't worry, it's not my blood."

51. "i was stupid to think you would change for me. to think i was good enough to change for."

52. "quit crying. you're the one who hurt me, why are you making it about yourself?"

53. "no, i'm not just going to leave you here."

54. "i can't bear when you look at me like that. like i'm something from hell."

55. please— please, just...get out."

˙⋆⁺₊⋆.

☾. please like/reblog if this post was helpful !

[longhands-the-second]

Volume 2 thoughts, otherwise known as Disorganized Simping On Main. No i will not add pictures i think the lack of context makes it funny

1-

Oh fucking hell is it legato time already? It’s so EARLY. I mean we’d get to the cool stuff faster but SHIT.

Goofiest vash panel spotted

What that mouth d- *gets shot*

Holy shit he’s really different here huh. The depression is seriously obvious; it's wild.

That and he’s like. Extra pretty when he’s angry. Might be because those panels get more love and care put into them because there’s less of them so far.

We’re decapitating people now. DAMN that’s fucking heavy. We’re not even to maximum yet.

Tonally the manga is so much darker but I’m kind of eating it right the fuck up.

I wonder if there’s any significance to the one dollar coins? Those are impossible to find now, let alone however many centuries in the future they are (I think it was something like 400 years? Maybe that was just stampede.)

2-

EY YO COLORED PAGES???

Girl what the fuck-

I want to color this whole goddamn chapter but i have RESPONSIBILITIES and shit (<- unemployed and taking one (1) summer class)

The fucking smile. The switch. I yelled out loud. God they are so fucked up.

The fangs make an appearance. Lovely. Horrible circumstances though.

3-

He looks so fucking tired. Angry, too, but so tired. I love the simmering rage we get here, it’s missing from every other version tbh.

I always forget how absurdly capable he is. That’s the point, I guess, but man. Man.

OH SHIT THE ARM

Knives is so… wrong. In such a fascinating way though. The way he seems happy that Rem managed to save everyone, not for the people but for her- that’s so fucked and i am enamored with his specific brand of bullshit.

4-

I have so many questions about his scars. Like rule of cool or whatever but I need specifics. Why do they look like that in particular? What purpose do the implants serve etc etc?

I didn’t even register that they don’t know it’s a prosthetic. That had to freak them out so bad

His reasoning is interesting here. It’s not about his love for humanity at all, that comes later. He’s doing this for Rem. His vibes here are more like someone struggling to hold himself to what she believed in instead of actually, truly believing in it. It makes him more real, I think.

Maybe it’s the nature of the medium, but everybody seems much more introspective. Meryl specifically sticks out to me.

God he takes it so personally when people are all Dog Eat Dog. I can’t blame him.

Woah. Panty shot. (Side note i can’t WAIT to see him without the coat.)

Hunting he says. What’s he gonna do when he catches him? (Rhetorical)

5-

i read this in class so i didn’t take notes oops

6-

legato is unironically terrifying in the worst way.

I have never been a Huge Wolfwood Enjoyer. However i am charmed by his silly faces.

If i didn’t know better i’d call him a loser (affectionate)

GAY. HOLY SHIT

“come, let’s take ibuprofen together”

I love how 98, if anything, toned this interaction down.

Why the FUCK is midvalley built like a damn brick wall

7-

Vash is so. So fucking cute. My god i am the gayest mf alive.

I guess everyone is on this page but i'm fixated on confused vash he’s got me enamored

“DO NOT ENGAGE. I REPEAT, DO NOT FUCKING ENGAGE.”

I totally didn’t register that his arm was still gone until just now oops

Oh this is perspective porn. Love that shit

I hate to admit this but there’s something about seeing Vash freaked out that makes me grin. It might be like “WOAH SOMETHING IS HAPPENING.” Or i’ve just gone off the deep end.

Is. Is he blushing. Oh my god is he embarrassed-

I have to wonder why the bible is so popular here. Just based on the circumstances? I was never really sure if the events were literal in the trigun universe or not

VASHUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I am normal about him)

(It is NOT my fault he’s in those pants)

8-

I have a whole essay to write on vash and bodily autonomy but i'm gonna finish reading the manga first- other people have probably said it earlier and better than me.

Oh. Shit. That sure didn’t happen in 98 huh.

I find that every character has gotten more interesting in the manga. This might be because i’m already familiar with their anime counterparts. Wolfwood though, im starting to understand why trimax people like him so much.

The plants are so freaky here fr

CREATURE VASH

this is all kinds of fucked up and based on other posts i’ve seen this week it literally only gets worse from here

I hate how easy it is to empathize with everyone in this situation. I do appreciate Vash pretty much dropping the mask here, like this is what’s under all of the antics and his reputation.

He looks way too good in that top for the situation at hand smh i am SO distracted

Tbh had i not already committed to what i did i would’ve done these pages they’re so pretty

Does wolfwood know anything about this or is it all news to him???

God you can see the actual chunk of shoulder he’s missing from this angle

I do wonder how much of Knives’ concern is him genuinely feeling bad and how much is just like. Manipulation.

God this is so fucked up

On a lighter note the belts bursting from his arm are kind of a cool visual. Shit’s gotta hurt though.

MAN. FUCKING HELL.

EXTRAS

Day in day out- This made me laugh out loud. It also made me sad. No notes.

Pilot- Different vash definitely. My mans would not upskirt a girl like that.

I love seeing concept shit this is wonderful.

Time for trimax now i guess shit fuck goddamn

[thechaoticreader]

I have to rant about Tender Is The Flesh!!

Last year I read Tender is The Flesh by Augustina Bazterrica and I haven't seen many people agree with me so if Booktok has been yelling at you to read it and you're tired of the vague positive reviews, this is for you!

*Disclaimer: this is all my opinion/feelings, if you loved this book I'm glad and if a negative review of a book you love will be upsetting please protect your peace and ignore me <3*

General Thoughts & Why I Hate It

Im going to start out by saying I am a vegetarian and used to be strictly vegan! The book is very heavy handed about its eating meat=bad beliefs which I found exhausting. At many times throughout the story I found myself shouting "OH MY GOD I GET IT!!! MEAT IS MURDER. JUST TELL ME THE STORY" into the void. It makes very weird parallels that I don't agree with and there was next to no room for nuanced discussion. It felt like the author was holding my hand and explaining absolutely everything, not letting me infer anything, which I personally don't enjoy. I will say its possible that because it is a translated novel that the above issues only apply to the English translation and that its a fault of the translator rather than Augustina.

Another issue I have is that to me none of the characters actually felt like fleshed out people, rather just objects things happen to/around. The main characters motivations make no sense (especially in the second half), where he doesn't even feel like a person, you don't really get to know him and then what little you do gets completely contradicted in the second half of the book. The main character at the beginning is almost unrecognizable from himself by the end. I can't even call it character development because it feels like he sees one shitty thing than a switch flips and he's completely different. Through the whole time reading, I did not feel any type of way towards any character, I didn't care about any of them which made it hard to care about the novel. When I first finished it I felt no type of way but the longer I've had to sit with it, the more I'm growing to dislike it. The worst part is that it could have been so good, with some more nuance and character development it would have been a very interesting story!

There is also a graphic sexual assault scene which I wish I had known about going in. As a surviver of S/A I try to stay away from novels with it unless I've had time to prepare and be in a good headspace to consume it. So a completely RANDOM S/A scene that doesn't matter to the plot really caught me off guard and almost immediately ruined the book. I'm fine with assault scenes if and only IF it is important to the plot/character development. My problem is when its thrown in to demonstrate a character being shitty or for shock value, which I feel is the reason it was included in Tender Is The Flesh; if you removed the whole chapter it would make absolutely no difference and THATS where I have the problem.

My Problem with BookTok & Advertising

First, booktokers and book tubers saying that its best to go into blind and not giving a trigger warning for S/A. I think its generally irresponsible to not give trigger warnings and to encourage people to go in knowing nothing, its so easy to say "hey this book has _" so that survivors aren't further harmed. This is a general criticism that I'll probably do another post going into further.

Second, people call it a horror novel when its really not, its a dystopian and while not a huge issue, it just sets up expectations that it doesn't live up to! It felt a lot more akin to books like the Handmaids Tale than those in the horror genre. So if you want a horror novel, probably don't pick this up but if you want a kinda disturbing, dark dystopian then maybe this will be your book! Accuracy in genre is important because there are tons of people who love one genres and hate other, like myself who eat, sleeps and breaths horror but has never found a proper dystopian that I even kinda enjoyed. Or, people who love romance and don't care about fantasy may like a romantacy but hate a fantasy with a small romance side plot.

Anyway those are my feelings, I hope it helps someone decide if they want to read it or not! Once again, if you disagree thats totally okay! If you loved the book, I'm so happy for you! My problems with it shouldn't detract from hour enjoyment of it!

[johnwgrey]

A personal rant

I am so fucking tired of always feeling uninteresting and of fearing people will get tired of me. And of not trusting that my friends won't ditch me or like me less because they meet new people.

I just really wish I could see that people like me for a reason and that I would stop needing constant reassurance that they do, indeed, like me.

My brain is literally like "oh they're talking to you?? Hmmm must mean they have nothing better to do or that their real friends aren't available right now and they're just killing time. It certainly does NOT mean that they enjoy your company or conversation. God forbid!" ALL THE TIME. IT NEVER STOPS.

And I'm so fucking tired of feeling like I'm not allowed to exist. That I don't have a place in this world, in this society, in this fandom. Anywhere!

Deep down, I don't really think I'm uninteresting. I know I'm clever and educated and curious and always willing to learn. And I can even be funny. I've definitely made people laugh before. And I'm kind and compassionate and selfless and loyal to a fault. And I just wish I could feel comfortable enough to be myself. To show people who I am, truly. And not just... Cower in the dark in fear that someone might see me and dislike me. Or worse. That they might like me and then see that there isn't much to like, actually, and get tired of me.

(on a scale of one to ten, how obvious is it that I have a deep-seated fear of abandonment????) (Actually, now that I think of it, it seems very obvious to me that the reason I'm always there for my friend is because I'm afraid they're gonna leave me otherwise. Like, they couldn't possibly want me in their life if I don't bring them something. Like I - me, my person, who I am - isn't enough and that I need to earn their friendship. Hmm. Interesting.)

Also I wish I could make friends more easily. And - and that's very related to what I said before - stop thinking that no one wants to talk to me. Y'all have no idea how many times I've wanted to reply to someone and didn't because my brain convinced me that "no they don't wanna hear from you. Did you look at yourself??! Why would anyone want to talk to you?"

And the fact is that no one talks to me either so it only convinces me even more. And I KNOW - like, logically, I KNOW - that it has nothing to do with me, that people have their own life, their own problems, that others feel the way I do and don't put themselves forward because they think they're a bother and that it is in no way an accurate representation of the way they feel towards me. Unfortunately, as you have probably understood from this senseless post, my brain is anything but logical.

ANYWAY. I hate this part of me. I'm tired of being like that and I'm very aware that I need therapy. I have been for a while. But it's a very big and scary step to take and I'm just a little guy 🥺