#and it's hard. it's hard to keep in mind this important characterization fact while also making sure the character doesn't say it

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

ID: tags reading #i run into a lot of he would not have the emotional intelligence to even be aware of that. end ID.

not just ‘he would not fucking say that’ but ‘he would not, under torture, admit that’

[lesbianrobin]

Hi for a writer new to writing 911 fics what are some key character points that you think are really important for capturing the vibes of Buck and Eddie?

omg HIII 🫶🏻🫶🏻

so first off i also consider myself New to writing 911 fics fmvjdjc but i assume since ur asking Me of all people you like one/some of my fics enough to think i am an authority which rules. thank u that's so sweet. ANYWAY on to my actual advice.

buck: you know that john mulaney bit where he's saying he's a terrible driver and he's like "i hear you honking and i also don't want me to be doing what i'm doing. i don't like that i'm in that lane either. and i sure would like to get out of it." that is buck in basically every aspect of his life besides being a firefighter. his problem is that he won't pull over long enough to figure out what the hell he's doing. buck acts before he thinks and only Later does he even consider like hey Why did i do that. What was i feeling. What was i trying to accomplish. which often results in him behaving selfishly and hurting others (see: lawsuit, Entire Relationship With Taylor Kelly, maiming eddie during a basketball game, coming to the erroneous conclusion that he was jealous over tommy rather than eddie) as well as behaving recklessly and risking his own life under the cover of heroism and necessity.

as far as more like. basic character things go. buck can be kinda dumb And smart at the same time. people often swing really hard in one direction or the other and i think it does buck a disservice. like, yeah, he loves his fun facts and research spirals and books, he clearly has a love for learning, but he's also not the Best at critical analysis of his sources and maybe has a tendency to take things at face value. like i do fear that buck could be persuaded to join an essential oils mlm.

ALSO buck is a weirdo like yes he Can be charming but he also has chronic foot-in-mouth disease and says shit like "oh we didn't kill him we just WANTED to!" TO THE COPS. WHEN BEING QUESTIONED ABOUT A MURDER. i think buck is just constantly rolling either nat ones or nat twentys when it comes to charisma.

i also think it's important to keep in mind that while buck can be deeply insecure, that insecurity doesn't Usually manifest in him like. noticeably withdrawing into himself or trudging sadly around like a kicked puppy. his response to that insecurity is most often to be loud, to lash out, or to overcompensate (see: his entire personality in s1, eddie's introduction, befriending red and taking on his end of life care, swearing to abby that he'll rescue her fiancé and risking his own life to do it, etc).

ok i think i've yapped enough ab buck SO!

eddie: i actually feel like way less confident prescribing advice for writing eddie fmvkdjc so this'll probably be shorter than the buck section. as far as the Basics go i think people can often characterize eddie as very like serious and grim but he rly is not! he's a very silly guy! mostly with chris and buck, but also a bit with carla and linda and the rest of the 118. i think eddie is a guy who can behave very differently depending on how comfortable he is around somebody, and there are many parts of himself that he keeps locked down around others.

eddie thinks about his feelings and motivations before acting in a way that buck typically doesn't, but that doesn't mean he's correctly assessing those feelings and motivations. eddie is an incredibly unreliable narrator when it comes to his own life! he'll feel the desire to do something (for example, dating ana or going from active firefighting to a desk job) and Then construct his conscious reasoning for it (i'm ready to move on from shannon and i like her, chris will feel better and it's better for him if i have a safe job) while avoiding his Deeper feelings and motivations (the compulsion to give chris A Mother so that he feels like less of a failure as a father, his own ptsd and other mental health struggles in the wake of the shooting).

this doesn't mean that eddie is entirely emotionally unintelligent! he just kinda hates himself and he's deeply repressed and he often feels that he can't do things For Him, they all have to be For Chris.

ok that's like most of what i've got for now i'm rly not an authority on eddie but i tried my best 😭

as a duo: i think the #1 thing to remember when writing buck and eddie is that they're best friends and they understand each other better than anybody else in their lives. like that doesn't mean that they're always on the same page but they Do canonically recognize each other's feelings and motivations most of the time and after the lawsuit/street fighting era, they always respond to each other with patience and care when one of them is having a rough time.

like i think you actually have to try Very hard to justify it if you're gonna have buck and eddie miscommunicating and seriously arguing with each other in a fic. i remember when everyone was like omgggg buck is gonna LOSE IT ON EDDIE when he finds out about kim!! and then when buck Did find out about kim he was literally just worried about eddie and talked to him about it and asked the questions that eddie Needed to be asked so that he could work through his feelings and address the situation. buck and eddie just have a knack for knowing what the other person needs, and they're at a point where they will go to each other for help and be openly vulnerable!

and they have fun together! they're silly! see: "locked room mystery" "locked Yard mystery", the whole bachelor party, eddie being like buck Pwease can we look for the treasure together 🥺, etc etc. they just enjoy being together and i think that is so crucial to writing them.

final thoughts: in general my #1 piece of advice for writing fic is to rewatch the show/clips from the show when you're trying to capture a character's voice. i do not do this nearly as often as i should bc i am lazy but it rly is deeply helpful for making sure that they sound like themselves!

i would also advise that even if your fic is buddie-centric, it helps to include the other characters in even small ways. our relationships with others are central to who we are! references to other characters like chris, maddie, chim, etc. can go a long way toward making buck and eddie feel like themselves.

thank you again for asking me!! it's really really flattering. i hope this was of some help to you!!

[hopefull-mindset]

I've started reading The Great Gatsby (I've fallen into the reading classical literature trap 😔. I really need to finish Crime and Punishment.)

Anyhow I think it's really interesting how Asagiri chose to characterize many of the people in BSD. Especially after learning that irl Fitzgerald was more of a cynical person (at least towards the end of his life) than his animated counterpart. And it made me think of all the other characters of the show and how their characterized.

What was Asagiri's purpose as he came together with these characters? Why'd he have some characters act as their irl counterparts while others act more like the characters they wrote or people in their lives?

These aren't really questions that I wanted the answers to they were moreso just thoughts that I had. I'd love to have a peek into this man's mind and how it works

I think a lot of us have fallen into that trap LMAO. This is my favorite topic though. I could talk about this forever because Kafka Asagiri is an interesting person who has integrated a lot of literature into this one series. I don't know what goes on in this man’s mind and I know these aren't literal questions, but I am interested in sharing what I know!

As you've pointed out, some characters do act more like the people in these works written by them than the actual people. BSD isn't purely just taking these authors, their relationships, and then implementing them just like that. it also takes these authors’ literary personas, their impact socially, and their works to make them into who they are. Asagiri is doing this because it makes it more interesting, but also imagine writing about this authors where most of them lived depressing lives with qualities that don’t make uh, the type of story you want to tell.

I’m impressed with how creative he is.

I’m trying to limit myself on how much I should talk about this, but I fear that I’ll leave out important bits about how Asagiri incorporates these people into the work. I’m also just jittering and excited. Like I almost forgot to bring up the fact the reason BSD has a war narrative is because it takes Japanese authors from Meiji to Shōwa era, so about the time Western influence kicked in, forcing them to modernize and keep up with the rest of the world during what is a fairly short time for huge development like this, to post-war Japan where, you know, the Occupation of Japan is happening and they have to intake the traumatic repercussions of everything before that.

This can make The Great War functionally WW2, but obviously not a one to one match. I’m not a historian or anything, but this should come to mind for anyone who’s in the know about some Japanese history. Now that I’m bringing it up though, Mori’s attitude during the flashback with Yosano is put into context because he pretty much says himself that he needs his country to realize that they keep up with the rest of the world and that the battlefield is changing, and real life Japan did not care about how they did that.

With N, Chuuya, and Stormbringer too. I’m almost hesitant to bring this up because it’s so serious, but yes, Japan did do lethal human experimentation for that same purpose to keep up with the rest of the world and prove themselves.

Ahh, I went off track. Sorry, we were talking about how Asagiri writes characters, right? There is a lot of crossover between the real authors and their writing, so it’s sorta hard to tell with people like Dazai where the work influence ends and the the real person begins.

For me currently in my classic lit research period, I’m almost upset at myself for barley reading anything by Ryuunosuke Akutagawa because he’s my favorite character. I’ve just been so caught up doing my Oda Sakunosuke essay that I don’t have too much time for other authors. I’ve also picked up “The Similitude of Blossoms: A Critical Biography of Izumi Kyōka” recently (and A New Hamlet by Osamu Dazai, but that’s not important).

Ah, how much should I talk about.… hmm… how about Chuuya as an example of Literary Voice vs Real Person…. Lucy Montgomery and Edgar Allen Poe for Social Impact (for Japan specifically)…. and then.. Oh whatever, I’ll figure it out. One day I’ll talk about Kyouka, but not now. I’d feel ill prepared.

If you’ve ever read a poem by Chuuya Nakahara, taken in the emotion and deep feeling, and then found any fun facts about his interactions with other authors, there’s a huge contrast between those two modes that can be jarring. Im sure you can tell how that carries over to BSD. I’m impressed by how Asagiri is able to balance both the brash attitude of Chuuya and the inner literary voice that voices the emotion and care he has in him.

Edgar Allen Poe is slightly more obvious than Lucy’s influence (or maybe it’s Lucy’s, ah it depends), but both pop out at you when it’s pointed out. He was one of the first American authors to be introduced to Japan and fairly popular, but mainly we would point to Edogawa Ranpo as the most blatantly influenced by him and who his name is quite literally attached to. While Lucy Montgomery isn’t attached to anyone in particular, Anne of The Green Gables was wildly distributed in Japan when there were few english children books and became a hit.

There’s a television series too if you search for it. Any redhead, pigtail-braided girl you see in some Japanese media is because of her! It’s probably why these two have the most presence in the story currently compared to other members of the Guild and work with the Agency at times.

There are times when Asagiri will use influences outside of the author’s own catalog to create them, some literary like Albert Camus’s The Stranger and The Myth of Sisyphus (in writing characters like Dazai or Fyodor, I could make a post about that), and some just of his own anime/manga interests in other series like Jojo, Cowboy Bebop, Black Lagoon, etc. if you’re familiar.

I’d feel bad if I don’t at least show one example of this so, how about an Odasaku example with The Long Goodbye by Reymond Chandler? I was going to avoid talking about him until the essay, but I can’t help myself. Many have pointed out these parallels before, but Asagiri did point it to be his favorite book last year in an interview.

If you’ve noticed that the presentation for Dark Era in the anime comes off like a Noir film just like how Untold Origins came off like a black and white samurai film, good job! The Long Goodbye is a Noir novel about a detective named Phillip Marlowe who is unable to let go of a case involving a friend that was accused of murdering his own wife, but supposedly commits suicide and confesses to it before Marlowe is able to leave custody. By the end of the book, he uncovers the real perpetuator (a past lover of Terry Lennox’s before he was ever called by that name) and finds out where Lennox really is by poking into the story of where the message he got was sent.

He comes in with a new look and identity, and he asks if it’s too early for a gimlet. They say their last few words to each other, Marlowe flipping back and forth from acknowledging him as Terry Lennox and as a person he never knew, and then Marlowe tells him that “he’s not here anymore”. Marlowe had already told him goodbye when it was sad and lonely, so Lennox does the same here. That ends that mutual, long goodbye and he never sees Lennox again.

The immediate response I’ve see about this is how it parallels the relationship between Dazai and Odasaku. In The Day I Picked Up Dazai, just like how Marlowe brings him to his home to clean him up and meet up at the same bar for the next few months of their friendship, Odasaku also does so with Dazai and drinks a Gimlet for reasons he doesn’t know. In reality, Gimlets are a representation of the friendship between Marlowe and Lennox as it’s Lennox’s favorite drink. It makes it a little painful when Marlowe ignores him when he ask to go get a gimlet at that same bar they always went.

BEAST is more hyper specific about it by having Dazai ask the same question that Lennox asks when he gets smoked out and Odasaku asking for a gimlet with no bitters, which is specifically how Lennox takes it. Odasaku does not drink the gimlet at all though, showing that there is not friendship to start or accept or say goodbye to, as Lennox does ask Marlowe to drink a Gimlet to say goodbye to him in the letter. Just like TDIPUD is like their beginning, BEAST is their ending without ending because BEAST Dazai is not the same person he was friends with.

Odasaku fulfills being a detective and Dazai is the tragic friend with a past he doesn’t say anything about. Great. Now what I think people are missing when they entirely focus on Odasaku and Dazai when they talk about Lennox and Marlowe is that Lennox is narratively also Andre Gide.

If we were to split Lennox into three people just like his three identities, this is what it would look like:

The Friend: You help him out and don’t judge for his faults, in turn you go out to a bar with each other. It’s uneasy, but it’s worth a lot to the both of you. Eventually you have to part ways in death. (Dazai & Terry Lennox)

The Unknown: Is he someone you know? He acts like it, but he looks nothing like what you’ve encounter before. Maybe in some world you were, but that’s not now and it’s too late for this goodbye to be playing out. You let it happened though and you never see him again when he walks out that door. (BEAST Dazai & “Señor Maioranos”)

The Soldier: The past is right around the corner and its come to bite you in the ass. White hair and war memories haunting him with a scar as a reminder, he’s a reflection of you but maybe not. Who knows? (Andre Gide & “Paul Marston.”)

The initials “P.M.” of both his past name and Phillip Marlowe’s is meant to clue in how Eileen (the past lover) is connected to Lennox by her thinking of Marlowe as her past lover as she attempts to seduce him in some trance. What I’m trying to note here though is that you can take this as Lennox being another reflection of himself. It’s easy to do that reading for both Dazai and Gide as they’re both his foils and are purposely similar, but Gide aligns more with this past identity than Dazai does and retains his white hair.

Uhhh, wasn't planning to make a mini-analysis in the middle of my talking but okay. I'm leaving it off there. I went blank a lot while writing because I didn’t know what I wanted to comment on. There's too much to say about this large cast. I have way more literary fun facts and ideas to say, but nah.

[givemeallyourpenny]

The travelers in Octopath Traveler are fascinating for many reasons. The reason that has me awake well into the night right now is the differences between characters of the same class and how different game mechanics tell you a lot about their respective personalities. Keep in mind while reading that it has been many months since I beat octopath 2 and I’m only halfway through octopath 1.

This is most easy to see with two of the classes that seem to change the least, Hunters and Warriors. Both keep the same magic element, or lack there of in the warrior’s case, both keep most of the same utility moves, both still heavily favor martial abilities. However both use their weapons very differently.

Let’s start with the warriors. Olberic and Hikari both favor their swords in cutscenes, you could say it’s their signature weapon, and use their spears as a backup in combat. It’s interesting to note this is opposite how these were used in history. Where they differ is how they use those weapons. Hikari uses his sword for quick strikes and complex maneuvers while using his spear for powerful thrusts. Olberic uses his sword for strong sweeps and cleaves while keeping his spear for fast and random jabs. Hikari’s main sword skill works mechanically very similarly to Olberic’s main spear skill.

This reflects their relative personalities well. Hikari tackles his problems through quick and clever action while Olberic is more straightforward and blunt in his approach. To borrow some trope terms Olberic is more like the team Big Guy while Hikari feels more like a Lancer. Both of these men would say you can learn much about someone by how they wield a blade, and they’re definitely right.

Then we come to the hunters H’aanit and Ochette. First let’s highlight their similarities: they both use the exact same elemental attack, Thunderbird, and no other magic, both favor their bow over their axe, they have some of the same utility abilities, and both fight side by side with captured monsters. And that’s where the similarities end, but even their similarities already show differences. H’aanit only has skills tied to her bow while Ochette at least has one ability for her axe. And then there’s their capture abilities which change so much between the games it’s honestly hard to think of them as the same thing, They have completely different feels and trying to describe that would take a few paragraphs on its own so I’ll stick with their bow skills for now.

At first glance they seem to have the opposite skills than you’d expect. The impulsive and energetic Ochette carefully picks her targets with Precision Shots, while the Stoic H’aanit makes wild volleys. But dig deeper and this makes perfect sense. First these styles fit the ones who taught them very well, both were taught by a master with the opposite personality as themselves. However there is also the fact that H’aanit’s speed shooting style of archery, one that sacrifices accuracy and damage for stager potential, requires far more experience and skill to effectively pull off. It makes sense then that the barely teenage Ochette wouldn’t go for it.

There’s honestly so much more to unpack with this. Some classes completely change which element they use, some use more magic skills while some use more weapon skills and others still use more utility skills. Some change their unique mechanics at a fundamental level, and have access to different passive abilities. And all this isn’t even touching on how the Octopath 2 cast simply has more mechanics to work with.

In conclusion I am a giant nerd who enjoys coming up with story and character driven reasons for changes likely made to enhance gameplay experience. But more importantly mechanics are an important tool for characterization and we should pay attention to them. In any case I have so much more thoughts about this and hopefully now so do you!

[galadrieljones]

Daryl's Arrows: Symbolism, Pt. 3 (When the arrows are all gone.)

Part One | Part Two

In parts one and two of this series, I have gone through Daryl's character evolution during his time with Beth, and in the wake of her absence, via the changing color and quality of his arrows. So far, I've looked at how his arrows have evolved from green/white (Beth arrows) to faded red/white ("inverted" Beth arrows), and when I left off my previous post, he had just had his crossbow stolen by Dwight, leaving him in a major period of limbo and with his faith in the goodness of people and his spiritual connection to Beth and her protective force in his life greatly diminished.

This post was originally supposed to cover much more information; however, there is more to cover here than I realized!! Thank you for your patience.

"The Next World": Eclipse

In 6.10 "The Next World," Daryl is notably without his crossbow. Losing the crossbow for Daryl is a bit like losing a limb. From the audience perspective, we have a hard time envisioning him without it. That said, do keep in mind that in the current moment, Daryl is also WITHOUT his crossbow (in France). I will get to this, but to do that, we need to look at what happens, and what it means when Daryl DOESN'T have his arrows, particularly when they've been taken from him.

In "The Next World," Daryl's first major episode post-"Always Accountable," we begin to see many important changes in Daryl and, perhaps most significantly, how Daryl will soon serve as a mirror for Rick, who is on a dark course, albeit completely unaware. It's notable that in "The Next World," Daryl and Rick are frequently placed parallel to one another in the shot, re: the shot above, and these below:

These shots communicate a sort of "eclipse." Daryl and Rick are dynamically opposed to one another quite often post-"Coda." Up until now, Daryl has been an attenuating force for Rick, but not anymore. Now, he's right on Rick's level. He holds little trust in strangers and seems disinterested in looking for new people to bring back to ASZ, a direct reversal of his attitude in "Conquer" and "Always Accountable." For us, as we were with him during the events of "Always Accountable," this change may not come as a surprise, but for Rick, who hasn't been out on the road with Daryl for a while, the change is new, and it seems to stop him in his tracks.

It's funny, and this is excellent characterization, because Rick is perhaps not able to see how he, himself, has changed, until he begins to see the same change manifesting in his lonely and recently distant best friend. Especially as Rick gets closer to consummating his relationship with Michonne, he notices Daryl distancing himself even more completely, and in "The Next World," we can see how he's trying to correct that. He wants Daryl to be how he used to be, and he wants them to be like they were.

"The Next World": Beth Proxies

Daryl's motivations in the episode are mostly on auto-pilot, in terms of how they relate to Rick's. The one thing that does seem to motivate him personally has nothing to do with Rick. It's an errand for Denise.

"The Next World," much like "Still," begins with a quest. Denise asks Daryl if, while he's on his run, he could keep his eye out for a drink: orange soda. The soda is for Tara. Denise becomes flustered when asking Daryl for help, and Daryl plays it down comically. This little moment between them, and how she regards him with embarrassment, and the fact that she asks him specifically, even though she is clearly nervous about it, and how he meets her babbling concern with a kind of casual confusion, communicates the beginning of their little bond, a bond that will prove very meaningful for Daryl in episodes to come, and which provides some small amount of purpose for him that day.

Denise, with whom Daryl shares a special friendship in season 6, serves as our next Beth proxy. The one thing about Denise that is extremely pertinent given Daryl's current circumstances in France is the way in which tptb use characterizing factors to defuse any romantic inclination from the relationship. Denise is a lesbian, in a relationship with Tara. In a similar dynamic, Isabelle, Daryl's Beth proxy in France, is a nun. Both women are unavailable to Daryl and this neuters romantic potential in the eyes of the audience (or, I mean, it's supposed to) and foils the fact that Beth, who was neither a lesbian nor a nun and who was perhaps the most romantically available female on the show at the time, was his first and perhaps only romantic interest of ANY significance. And after she's gone, every single meaningful relationship he has (barring Connie, who I'll talk about later, and who holds other parallels to Beth) is a blond woman with a ponytail. Weird!

Of course, Jesus is another major Beth proxy who shows up in "The Next World." Aside from his name, when we first meet Jesus, he is wearing a face mask, in a moment that will later be echoed by Daryl's jarring encounter with a very blond Leah in "Rendition."

I will discuss more on these Beth proxies in the future, but for now, let's finish discussing "The Next World."

"The Next World": Confrontation

In some ways, the title of this episode "The Next World" is indicative of a major change taking place. Dialogue with Jesus implies that they already live in "the next world," ie: they have already descended into unknown territory, they just don't know it. Jesus also serves as the catalyst of much of the plot to come.

In this episode, the main tension between Daryl and Rick, who are constantly paralleled visually with one another, revolves around Daryl's recent, growing indifference toward human life, and Rick's rapid noticing of such and desire to correct it. In this episode, we see some major development with Rick and his sense of self-awareness as he begins to realize that perhaps he hasn't been there for Daryl as much as he should have, and in this, Daryl has begun to slip from his grasp. It's possible Rick has only just now begun to realize how much damage Beth's loss has caused for Daryl, and also how much his actions actually affect those around him, particularly Daryl, his second in command, who codes strongly as his younger brother, and for whom Rick was once arguably a role model.

Just after the climax of the episode, while Rick and Daryl watch their bounty sink to the bottom of the river, Jesus lie unconscious in the grass, and Daryl is prepared to just leave him there for walker bait. But Rick challenges him. Daryl softens somewhat, but ultimately remains unconvinced that he should care.

Later, in the car on the way home, Rick address the issue further in a conversation that is not well discussed. Here, Rick openly acknowledges that Daryl, along with Michonne and Glenn, did attenuate his flippancy toward human life when they first arrived at Alexandria. Now, Rick is trying to do the same thing for Daryl.

The conversation in the car, which is, at first, filmed through the windshield, which is reflective, obscuring some amount of the shot, is greatly oblique, meaning, it's not on the nose. It comes to the point in a way that is indirect and even off-topic. This is a product of Daryl and Rick's communication style, which is surly. It's a beautiful scene, which finishes later on in the episode just as they arrive back at the ASZ. Daryl tells Rick that he thinks what he said before, after what happened with Reg and Pete, that they shouldn't be going out to bring in new people anymore, that he was right. But Rick disagrees now. He says, "No, I was wrong. You were right."

Ultimately, I believe this scene does make a difference for Daryl, if only because it communicates to him that Rick sees him, that he agrees with him, and that he actually isn't alone, no matter how alone he feels; however, it's unclear at this point if Rick is too late, or if Rick's influence is simply no longer as important to Daryl as it used to be. Remember that Daryl's only moments of intentional motivation in the episode, beyond simply going along for the ride, are related to Denise. Remember, too, that Daryl gave up his search for Rick in "Alone," to be with Beth. This was a clean break, and just because she went away, that doesn't mean the feelings that caused him to make that choice went away. These are the beginnings of Daryl becoming his own man, and the protagonist of his own story, coming out of Rick's shadow and casting his own. Of course, getting there is going to be a long, violent, and lonely road.

In the end, whatever effect this exchange with Rick might impart on Daryl is latent or else it never comes to fruition, because Rick is, unfortunately, and in all of his hubris, about to step into a trap of epic proportion, and Daryl, who is floating without an anchor, and whose loyalty may have been temporarily boosted during this trip, follows him right to it. We can already see how the nature of Daryl's choices has changed since the events of "Always Accountable," and how they are much more pessimistic and lacking in trust in people and the outside world. Daryl is about to undergo an enormous test of faith.

"The Next World": Carl

Something that's super interesting, too, in this episode, is the B story, which involves an undercurrent of familial tension and backstory, revolving around Carl. While out in the woods, Carl and Enid discover Deana's walker, but for reasons that Enid doesn't understand, Carl refuses to kill her. Instead, he lures Deana closer to the walls where her son Spencer waits, so that he can put her to rest. Later in the night, Carl has an argument with Michonne, who saw him out there and misunderstood his intentions. Michonne asks Carl why he didn't just kill Deana, and Carl tells her that he couldn't kill Deana, because it should be someone who loved her to do it. He says that Michonne wouldn't understand, referencing his final moments with Lori. Carl also says that would do it for Michonne, which affects her deeply.

During the entire conversation, Carl is holding Judith in a visual callback to Beth, and I believe that Carl's arc in this episode is informed by the missing 17 days, and the fact that Beth never received a burial, and that most of them believe her walker still to be out there, somewhere. I believe that much of the psychology running through seasons 5 and 6 are related to Beth's loss and the clearly traumatic events of the missing 17 days, which we still have never seen or learned about. This is an important time as well to remember that in this episode, re: main thesis of this post, Daryl does NOT have his crossbow, and he doesn't have it now either, in France. I believe that Daryl is undergoing a similar, albeit more direct, even dramatic test of faith in Daryl Dixon, in which he is once again, a fish out of water, a ship lost at sea.

I want to point out, too, that immediately after cutting away from Daryl and Rick in the car is this little moment with Carl showing Judith how to find the North Star.

If you remember from my last post, I discussed Daryl without Beth as a ship without an anchor. Another way to discuss Daryl's current state is to call him a wanderer who has lost sight of the North Star. In this little scene we get a beautiful glimpse at how Carl, the bearer of the "resurrection" music box in "Them" is carrying Beth's torch and lighting the way in her absence. Taking care of Judith, helping people reunite with their loved ones, arguing for what he believes in, even when others disagree. This is important, because later, after Daryl has made the full scope of his descent, it will be Carl's death that brings him back into the light. That is for a future post, but in this episode we can see how Carl's character, along with Beth, informs the character Laurent in the spin-off.

Beth's Knife

I want to point out that even though Daryl doesn't have his crossbow or his arrows during this liminal stretch of season 6, that doesn't mean that he has lost his connection with Beth completely. Daryl continues to carry Beth's knife, given to him by Carol in "Them," on his left hip, all through "The Next World," as well as during the next episode "Knots Untie," which is the episode when they visit Hilltop. He doesn't take it off until the episode "Not Tomorrow Yet," which is the episode in which he and Rick lead a team to ambush the Saviors at the Satellite Station. Though Norman has informed fans casually that Daryl still has it, we have not seen Beth's knife since "Knots Untie." Why does he take it off?

If you'll recall, it's actually Daryl who offers to take out the Saviors at Hilltop, in exchange for food and supplies. He kicks into gear after Jesus tells them about how Negan, in an effort of intimidation, killed a sixteen-year-old boy. Once again: Why do innocent people always have to die? Here, Daryl thinks he sees a way to finally right this wrong. Episodes 6.10-6.14, during which Daryl does not have his crossbow, are filled with seminole choices that Daryl makes, all of which inform the man he will become in seasons 7-9. He keeps making the wrong choices, but as an audience, it's easy to feel mislead, as most of the rest of the characters are right there with him. Even Glenn goes on the Satellite Station mission. This is enough to make it seem like what they're doing is right thing. Of course, it's not, but it communicates the mass psychological damage with which the team is currently coping.

At this point in the story, after what happened at the prison and the fallout with Beth, they are all desperate to establish a home with food security and safe walls, and they are willing to do almost anything to make that a reality. Maggie's pregnancy, referenced in "Knots Untie," which ends with the group passing around her sonogram in the RV, is also a motivating factor. I also believe that the Saviors are, at this point, a scapegoat, for the enemy they couldn't kill back at the prison, ie: someone they CAN kill as a way of dealing with Beth's senseless loss as well as the losses of Hershel and the prison, and the grisly deaths of Tyreese and Noah that followed almost immediately after. Going after the Saviors is especially meaningful for Daryl, as he is still harboring vengeful feelings toward Dwight, who took his crossbow, and with it, his faith in the goodness of people.

When Daryl takes off Beth's knife in "Not Tomorrow Yet," I believe we can interpret this two ways: First, he takes it off because he doesn't want her memory to be mixed up in deeds he knows for certain would disappoint her. For the same reason, he sometimes wears his hair like a mask, Daryl, well-aware of what's going on, is hiding from her disapproval. Of course, this shows that, even as his actions speak volumes, Daryl has not forgotten about Beth. But he knows he may need to repress her for a while, and this is something we will deal with directly in the season 7 episode "New Best Friends."

Second, Beth’s knife, given to him by Carol in “Them,” is a Browning Hunter knife with a fixed blade and a handle made from the antler of a stag.

A stag, or a buck, is a male deer, and I would like to now consider the powerful ramifications of this, as, not long after Carol returns this knife to Daryl, he encounters a dead doe, or female deer, in the woods. We have a lone stag (Daryl), and his dead doe (Beth). The fact that Beth carried the stag knife at all is, in my estimation, given Daryl’s visual devastation in this scene, crushingly romantic. The antler provides him with further protection in the wake of his missing crossbow, similar to the symbolic function of his white arrows.

The knife stays behind to protect him for much of his period without the crossbow in season 6, like a last line of defense; however, when he takes it off, this foreshadows grave trials, which he will have to undergo while greatly exposed to pain and suffering, with no weapons or spiritual protection at all.

I think it’s important that all of Daryl’s weapons have been touched and wielded by Beth at some point. His main knife, which he used in “Still,” her stag knife, and also his crossbow. This is very important as there is not another character for whom this is true, and because it sets her up as his spiritual protector very early on. Further, as a warrior, Daryl’s weapons are greatly important to his functioning in the world, and as I said before, his crossbow is almost like a fifth limb. Beth’s possession of his weapons during their time together communicates her claim or possession over him. This is foiled by his encounter with the Claimers who seem to point out to Daryl that there is nothing in this world worth anything anymore that hasn’t already been claimed.

You will see, too, in my next post, how this period also comes with the absence of not just Beth’s knife and the crossbow, but Daryl’s angel vest as well. All of this inventory is a part of Daryl and his blessed disposition, per Beth’s “Still” prophecy that he’s going to be the Last Man Standing, and which we first see fully examined in “Consumed.” Without it, he struggles, fallen from her grace.

None of these things is stated overtly in the text. All of it is oblique, subtle, and noticeable only to fans who are watching closely. And who watches more closely than TD?

In my next post, I will discuss Denise's death and the effects of Daryl's incarceration at the Sanctuary. I will also look at what happens when, after finding safe haven at the Kingdom, Daryl is gifted ANOTHER crossbow (pictured above), by Richard, introducing an entirely new era for Daryl's arrows and foiling Daryl's mercenary, ruthless outlook on the coming war.

[beanieman]

Traffic cone lore post when /hj

(Before I Wrote Anything: The more I thought about making a twenty-paragraph post about the traffic cone Sara sits on, the funnier the idea got, so this happened, and I have no regrets. Later me: I actually have a lot of regrets and only managed to write fifteen paragraphs which is still way to many.)

The traffic cone Sara sits on has some plot relevance and is a good addition to the game. Not only does it help establish the bond between Sara and Joe, but the symbolism of a traffic cone also serves as foreshadowing.

It's an important story because it establishes that Joe and Sara spend time together outside school hours. They aren't just two acquittances who only hang out because they're in the same building. They're friends who make the active choice to spend time together. It's vital that the audience understands this so Sara's grief for Joe hits harder.

Thirteen More Paragraphs Undercut

It also shows that Joe feels comfortable enough around Sara to tease her. He's not careful to bring up an embarrassing story. Instead, he tells it with a smile because he knows it won't actually bother Sara that badly.

We know this because Joe never does anything to hurt her. All he wants is to see her smile, so it would be out of character for him to bring up a humiliating topic for the sake of it. Instead, his motives seemed to be cheering her up after what happened with Mishima by reminding her of carefree days. It worked as Sara responded with playful anger.

For a brief moment her mind is taken somewhere far away from the death game, and that's why their friendship is important. While the other participants need Sara to keep her head in the game for their survival, Joe doesn't need that from her. He allows her to be a teenage girl who sometimes does embarrassing things that wouldn't usually be expected of a leader.

It's good for characterization to hear that Sara sat on a traffic cone as well. It's so short sighted and dumb that it reminds you how goofy of a girl Sara can be. She's not always pointing fingers and heroically yelling "This is it!" Sometimes she's just a person who makes decisions that aren't well thought out. Much like the logic route choice.

The danger seems clear if you keep Shin alive, but much like the traffic cone, Sara doesn't consider the consequences of her action properly. She sees an easy solution to her problem on paper: keeping Shin alive equals survival, and a traffic cone could be a good chair. Yet both of those things could so easily backfire on her, as she learned when the cone tipped over and as she's yet to learn with Shin but no doubt will.

The symbolism of a traffic cone itself could be tied into the death game. Much like anything if you tried hard enough, which is definitely not what I'm doing in this post. Nor am I using this paragraph to help fill the twenty paragraph criteria. We both know I'm lying, but I doubt anyone has read a post about a traffic cone this far anyway, so y'know.

Traffic cones encourage people to proceed with caution and be aware of their surroundings. Something the participants should have been as they were being watched by ASU-NARO their entire lives. Of course they could never fully understand the danger they were in, but if they had known they likely would have kept their eyes more open.

The fact that Joe was with Sara during this incident symbolizes how Sara should be cautious and aware even with other people. They won't always register the danger for her, even when it's right in front of their face. It's up to her to be aware or else she'll face consequences.

Then we have the colors and shape to consider! While the shape of a cone itself has no symbolism, a pine cone carries the interesting meaning of human enlightenment, resurrection, eternal life and regeneration. Since a pine cone is close enough to a cone shape this is clearly a reference to the dolls and how they're able to be resurrected and granted eternal life .

Orange symbolizes energy and optimism. A color filled with irony considering Sara's exhaustion lead to her sitting on the cone and me writing this post for some reason. It's a strange butterfly effect that no one could have predicted.

The butterfly effect is sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state according to Wikipedia. A great example of this would be Sara walking home on a route with a traffic cone. If she had walked a different road that way things would be different and Joe wouldn't have a story to embarrass her with.

Back to the color symbolism though, white symbolizes purity, simplicity, and cleanliness. It's a good color that correlates to Sara living simple days when she sat on the traffic cone, each of her hours spent with her best friend without a care in the world.

I can't believe I managed to write fifteen paragraphs about a traffic cone. I didn't think I'd be able to make it through five much less ten more than that. I over complicated things so so much for a funny Tumblr post that isn't even that funny. Though I appreciate how much of a leap of logic I was able to make with the pine cone thing. Anyway post finally over.

[theflyingkipper]

hello there! i was curios as to whether or not you’ve seen the fan series Stories of Sodor? and if so may i ask your opinion on it. BTW i love your blog!

I have seen Stories of Sodor! (If you're talking about the series by Victor Tanzig.)

I haven't watched it in a long time, as there are other series I ended up becoming more invested in. The last one I saw was Return.

While I do like his more mature take on the characters and very detailed worldbuilding, some of it takes itself a little too seriously, The Stories of War I think is what best demonstrates this. When you work with talking trains, you have to remember that you work with talking trains and they look silly. Sometimes I felt like the engines' squabbles were a bit too human and out of the way for something a steam engine would be concerned with- the romance in particular really doesn't feel like a conversation a bunch of rail vehicles would be having (to say nothing of gender.) Also I disagree very hard on how Tanzig characterizes Gordon. He kind of erased a lot of Gordon's flaws, instead of embracing them.

dont talk to me about the sodor shorts man. just dont

Anyway I mostly want to talk about the things I think the Stories of Sodor does very well. I like the very objective explanation of why vehicles are sentient and have faces, I feel like someone who's super creeped out by the characters' faces and The Implications would enjoy how the series handles this. At the same time, it also leans into the fact that there are disturbing implications and amps them up. Not in a shock-value way, but to deliver an emotional punch. And holy shit the series can destroy you emotionally. This is your warning if you want to go watch it: Tanzig knows how to do character death.

Another thing I have to commend is Tanzig's consistency. He just keeps chugging forward and is very dedicated to his content.

Overall, I think its a worthwhile watch. For anyone about to pick it up: do keep in mind that its definitely made for the wider dudebro cis-man TTTE community and boy does it make me roll my eyes sometimes because of that.

I'm glad you like my blog, too! Have a good day/night and I hope lots of people in ttteblr check out thomas fan series, I think they're a really important part of the ecosystem of this fandom

[danggirlronpa]

Hey, do you see Touko as more of a bisexual, or more of a lesbian with comphet? I've seen cases made for either, and both are pretty compelling. On one hand, I definitely think her and Byakuya will Never work out as anything but a friendship, but just because she and him aren't meant to be, doesn't mean that those *feelings* weren't real... But even saying that, I'm not sure if her feelings for Byakuya are actually *for* him, but instead the idea of him. How she characterizes him in her fantasies in UDGs illustrates this; while I think some of the lines she imagines him saying are accurate (though would be said in a different tone/context), some of it is just Shit He Would Not Say. So I do see where people are coming from regarding "she's a lesbian only in love with the idea of Togami" because I think there is an argument to be made for that. On the other hand...

I keep going back to Syo's last FTE - now, obviously, Syo and Touko are different people, but there *IS* leak through with them. According to the two of them, they share feelings - which is why they both love Byakuya and are friends with Komaru. So, in Syo's final(?) FTE, she talks about how confused she is over the fact that she doesn't want Byakuya dead. She goes onto conclude that her feelings for him are just Deeper if I remember right, which I think is compelling evidence of Touko and Syo's (shared) feelings for him coming from a genuine place. (And also supports my headcanon that Syo killed the boys she did because Touko wanted them dead after they hurt her - since they share feelings, Syo felt that too, and without the context of WHY Touko felt this way, it would just feel like to Syo that she a) loved these guys and b) wanted them dead, leading to her mistaking the feeling for, well, wanting to cut up cute guys. But that's a different story.)

So, I sort of see where both camps are coming for. I was wondering if you had any thoughts on it? I think either headcanon is valid and has at least some support in the text, but I would be interested in hearing your thoughts.

The quick answer to this: I'm a staunch supporter of comphet ace lesbian Toko and comphet lesbian Jack! Also, I think it's really important to remember that different alters can have different sexual orientations - there's no reason not to headcanon Toko as a lesbian and Jack as something else! (I think Jack would really jive with 'no labels just rock and roll,' actually. Queer Jack.)

The slightly longer answer to this:

So to start, a huge disclaimer: I hate Toga//Fuka. Everything about it squicks me out. I hate the way it makes a joke out of stalking and male victims, I hate how it characterizes both of them, I hate the sheer amount of space it takes up. I think fandom has, in general, politely swept just how bad Toko was in THH with Byakuya in favor of her much better characterization in UDG. And I do not blame them. It is hard to watch and be a part of. I like to think that this does not bias me in this discussion, but like...ultimately, just keep in mind that I'm speaking from a place of dislike for one of the core "Fukawa system likes guys" belief in general.

(Note: this is a completely independent issue of me not liking Byakuya. I ALSO hate Byakuya. But in a like. Very different way. And he is DEFINITELY the victim in the Toga//Fuka dynamic.)

I am generally also a believer in "Jack is actually the core alter, and Toko was the alter that developed later." I think it both makes a lot of sense and makes the other issues surrounding her 0.02% less bad. It doesn't make it GOOD. But we're working with the game that does just about as bad as its physically possible to do representing DID here, so I'll scrape my pennies from the bottom of this barrel to buy an eighth a pack of gum. I can pay the rest of the dollar myself.

Within this context. I think, rather than Jack manifesting as the system's overall need to release immense tension, Toko manifests as the system's overall yearning to be socially acceptable; to, rather than being zany and bad at picking up on social cues and inclined towards immense violence, be quiet and aware of what those around her think and romantic. (This means a girl who has toppled the other direction and is immensely anxious about what the people around her think, but y'know, you get what you get.)

In a lot of ways, I think the Fukawa system's comphet is an extension of their shared desire to be "normal." To, for metaphorical purposes, cut out the part of themselves they don't like - the violence, the anxiety, at time the fact that they share a body in general, themselves- and replace it with a nice traditional Good Girl TM.

(I do think that this works with Toko as the core alter as well, or for both alters developing at the same time. In that interpretation, Toko wants to get rid of Jack, the part of her which she considers 'abnormal,' and Jack wants to get rid of Toko, the part of her which she considers 'abnormal.' Ultimately, they actually both hate Toko in particular - Toko in self-loathing, and Jack because of having to share her body with such a bummer - so the ideal is Still a new, third alter, which subsumes both of them and is A Perfect Person. The essence of the thing is very similar. I just prefer the first interpretation in general, because I think it adds more depth to the character.)

The same way that Fukawa's comphet is an extension of general desire to be normal, the obsession with Byakuya is an extension of the comphet - the extension of the extension of the desire to be normal (in simple terms: a=b, b=c, thus a=c). Like you said, the characterization of Toko's imaginary Byakuya is a great example of this! As is Jack's even greater obsession with Byakuya in UTDP-verse, where there's no killing games to restrict either of them (though any UTDP characterization should be...taken with a hefty handful of salt).

And in terms of the development of Jack's desire not to kill Byakuya, I think there are two important things to remember.

Jack is not a reliable narrator of her own experience. (This feels obvious to me, but it's always good to establish at the outset, because sometimes people forget that characters can't be taken at face value.)

Jack's desire not to kill Byakuya doesn't come from time spent with Byakuya. It comes from time spent with Makoto.

You can't even argue that the time with Makoto counts because it line up with the time spent with Byakuya - because of Jack's availability for FTEs, you can't to get this scene after the first day of Trial Four. And Jack remembers the two years spent together - and we know Jack was around and interacting with classmates in that time, because she's in some of the class photos Junko hands out.

In my opinion - and the beauty of analysis is that there's any number of ways that you could interpret this scene, but what I find the most likely based on what we know of both Toko and Jack - is that this isn't out of any special romantic feelings for Byakuya, the way Jack is mistaking it: this is from Jack's general platonic affection for the group.

The thing is, at the end of THH, the group has very deeply trauma bonded. Toko is even aware of it, to a certain extent. But Jack isn't aware of it, because Jack - as we've established earlier, and as I think is a pretty widely recognized part of her character - is really, really, bad at reading the room. Jack struggles a lot with emotions! That's why she conveys them through scissors. Very, very directly. And because Toko's almost always fronting, it's safe to assume Jack has rarely, if ever, interacted with anyone except her classmates more than once or twice.

I think it's not only possible, but very reasonable, to think that Jack mistook "I have a lower urge for violence because for the first time in my life I've had friends who accept who I am and the support system has made me a better person, more capable of handling my unhealthy coping mechanisms, and now that they've forgotten me I'm coming to truly appreciate how much that support has changed me" for "I must just be SUPER in love with Byakuya! So much that I don't want to do violence to ANY boys anymore. As long as I just keep thinking of him and being in love with him all the time!!"

And surely that won't lead to any self fulfilling cycles!

[irrealisms]

two for flinching! liner notes

fic here if you haven't read it!

the title for this one was hard. the one i ended up on comes from this comic by a softer sea (& this crimeboys version by @iidalus); it's also the name of a game of chicken where you're trying to get the other person to flinch, which i think works well also, but honestly that's secondary to the comic. you're my brother and i love you. that's it. no punchline.

lythraceae ranboo5 sometimes says "all fic is meta". some of my fic is only sort of meta; frex under these smothering waves is trying very hard to be a missing scene that fits as closely into canon as possible. two for flinching! is very very much meta. specifically: it's my entry into the Crimeboys Abuse Discourse.

i was really unsure about it for this reason, honestly; it's got a lot of tags going "the author likes cwilbur! the author sympathizes with cwilbur! this fic is about cwilbur being loved and forgiven!" and those are, like. disclaimers.

i've had this fic idea since july 2022. i started actually writing it earlier this month. this... might be the longest i've ever gone between "had fic idea" and "actually wrote it".

the dream & wilbur scene came to me months before the wilbur & tommy scene. i had the concept of "okay, so, wilbur post-revival is so insistent that dream's a good guy who has Been Punished and Redeemed Himself because he wants to believe he's a good guy who has Been Punished and Redeemed Himself, right? what happens if you bring those parallels back up after wilbur no longer thinks dream's a good guy?" but then i didn't really have a way to resolve it that wasn't "wilbur kills himself" and i didn't want to write that fic

and of course the way i ended up resolving it was "let the crimeboys demons win". ultimately, tommy loves wilbur; wilbur's attempts to leave or punish himself or get tommy to stop loving him, ignoring tommy's actual opinions on the matter, are themselves a way in which wilbur hurts tommy. for that matter, wilbur's attempt to get revenge on dream for tommy hurts tommy! tommy is not a revenge-oriented person! the dance party on the beach did more for tommy than the confrontation in the prison did. acknowledgement of the things wilbur did to hurt tommy is important, but so is the fact that... tommy is going to keep loving wilbur and wanting wilbur to be happy, and that's not a bad thing, it's just who tommy is. if wilbur wants to make things right, he has to do that not by taking revenge but by listening to what his victim wants.

a quote by Eve Tushnet that shaped my theology and that kept coming into my mind while writing this: "We think God sends our bad things to chastise us and cleanse us—we think Purgatory is full of bad things. Fire, cancer, rats, what's bad... raccoons are bad. Unjust wages! But what chastises us is the good things in life. Love—if you've ever loved so much it hurts, or if you've ever been loved by somebody, maybe your mother, so much that it hurts you to think about it—that's the fires of Purgatory. In this life and the next."

the hardest and most painful thing of all for wilbur isn't tommy's hate, like he thinks it is at first; it's tommy's unconditional love. but it's also that same love that gives him the strength to keep living, to move on and do better, after the fear of tommy's hatred had pushed him to plan both murder & suicide.

the first draft of this fic was almost entirely dialogue. it was ... fine? it was written. almost all of the images that i'm proud of, the recurring symbols, etc., came through in editing. my beta @erstwhilesparrow helped so much. this is pretty unusual for me, i usually do much less editing than this one needed, but i'm proud of how it ended up.

parts of the beginning of the wilbur & tommy scene are from the wilbur finale/Boundless Sands, but most of it isn't.

i don't know how obvious this came through in the writing, but it's tagged with wilbur having BPD bc that does in fact inform my characterization here: i read cwilbur as splitting white on dream post-revival, and then black during inconsolable differences. (he tends to split on tommy & on himself as well.)

crimeboys are so fun to write. i really, really want to write them more, because they're just such a joy to write. probably the most fun part of the entire fic for me was the few lines of banter they get near the end about long words.

EDIT: also ! this fic is nonzero inspired by peel the scars from off my back by squareupgod. not in a directly-inspired way, i had the basic premise before i read it, but in the way where i read that fic and it just kind of lives in my brain whenever i think about c!crime now. if you're a c!crime fan go read that fic. or reread it if you already have read it. whichever. and then cry. you do have to cry.

[seraphim-soulmate]

man idk why my roommate telling me to take up less space is getting to me so much. like it feels like a bomb has been set off in my chest and im just running on trauma response. I mean I guess I did get threatened with physical violence last month from a previous roommate who seemingly hated me for reasons I could not understand and now this other roommate that has beef with me is using some of the same rhetoric that this previous roommate was.

he's decided to go on a crusade against the fact that I have extra furniture that I brought in, before he was in this colocation, to store my things, as agreed upon with the roommates that were there at the time bcs the existing space we had wasn't enough- and I needed my things physically accessible to me. But anything he says, he says it as if he's speaking for the entire colocation. Which he isn't. The rest of the roommates share that they don't share his beliefs behind closed doors to me privately, but won't actually stand up for me when he's saying shit in the group chat or in-person.

And it's scary because explaining my disability to him isn't going to change anything, he wants more space, he wants my space, and nothing I can say to him will make him change his mind. He's set himself up as defender of everyone else in the coloc and characterized me as this selfish asshole who's unwilling to listen to reason. And actually, I can't understand his reasoning or his logic firstly, because he's being confrontational so my brain is shutting down while he continues speaking and while I try to decipher what he's trying to say and secondly, because what he's saying doesn't make sense to me and no one else agrees with him! Because what he's saying, isn't actually what he means. He's saying "we should all have equal space" and what he means is "I need more space for my things". And I'm scared of trying new things- I'm scared of being IMPOSED new things!! That also requires that I have to rethink how I can reorganize things in a way that would be accessible to me.

Idk if it's a fear that everyone would have, of being told you're taking up too much space and have to find a way to reorganize your things? but being disabled makes things so hard. eating is so hard. buying food and cooking is so hard. doing my dishes means I have to go lay down for 30 minutes afterwards bcs the pain is so bad. The idea of making things less accessible to me is terrifying, because I then won't have energy for the other, much more important things I need to do anyways. I have to save up my spoons and so I've set my food up in a way that maximizes spoon retention. Since he isn't disabled, he doesn't know what I go through on the daily, so his suggestions aren't adapted to my needs. And he doesn't understand that I'm not going to make my life harder just because he isn't willing to find another solution to fit his fucking pans into the common space.

He keeps going on about having "equal spaces" but the cabinet spaces in the kitchen AREN'T EQUAL. making it literally impossible for us to be sharing equal spaces. And in any case, it's just a pretense for his own needs- that he wants more space. And I don't fucking get it, there is space in the kitchen that he can use and that IS accessible to him?? I've PROPOSED solutions to him that he just keeps turning down without having any actual justification for!

[indigo-flightly-falls]

Hii!! For the ask game, 1, 4, 5, 6, and 14? Thx!!

Helloooo!!!

I'm talking about the SoD AU because I can >:}

1 Do you have a backstory for [character] without one? Is it relevant to how you write them?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure empires season 1 Joel never got much of a backstory (besides maybe some x-life stuff? idk I haven't watched empires!Joel or X-Life). Which means I'm fixing that :D

Joel's upbringing is deffiently the best out of the Bad Boys, which is saying something about the others- And it reflects in how he acts! As prince, he always had to be on the lookout, for his subjects safety and for people who would try to hurt him and/or said subjects! It results in him judging people long before he meets them, and this can greatly impact how he interacts with people! He's general unhinged-ness is also something from his backstory, as his whole island relied a lot on hunting, and often times worked with wild wolves or dragons to share food! Joel would actually spend weeks in the forest, hunting or hanging out with dragons, and it's resulted in him sometimes forgetting that people don't often act like a dragon when angry or while hunting.

4 If you could change something canon about [character], what would it be?

Does the entirety of the 3rd HTTYD movie count? If not then Stormheart. I don't know if it's ever explained why she wants to keep Lumie safe? Like it just seems to oppose her established characterization of not really caring about dragons or using them as weapons.

5 Are there any particular locations, whether from the source material or your own mind, that you enjoy writing?

The Hidden World is one, and I also quite enjoy the School or Vanaheim! In the game, I loved flying around them, especially the Hidden World Annex because it was a giant circle, so I didn't need to turn around if I didn't want! And I think that carried over to the SoD AU, because I love describing how the Hidden World looks or what it's like at the School or why Vanaheim matters to Etho specifically!

6 How do you envision [character] when writing about them?

Putting this below the cut because I went on a full ramble. And the next question has a long answer as well lol

Honestly this is a bit of a hard one. I'm not great with descriptions and character design is a bit of a weak spot for me, but I'll give it a try with Etho!

I think they literally only wear one outfit unless forced to wear something else, much to the annoyance of Skizz (who is the exact same way). Said outfit is a basic white shirt under a black jacket with green patches wherever it's been torn. They also have scales sown into the jacket, if one of their dragon friends shed, you can bet Etho will have a new scale sown onto the arms of their jacket. They often wear just plain black pants, simply because it's easier to explore new islands and have full mobility. If they weren't planning to go out flying, they might try on a skirt because fuck gender roles. I genuinely think despite the fact it would be better for traveling, they do not wear boots. They stick with sandals or something a bit like sneakers. They are doing this out of spite.

Of course, they've got their mask. It's probably been torn at least five times since they've landed on Berk, but hey, it's just some fabric and can be replaced with ease. They probably also remake their headband with the mask, because consistency is important.

I chose to let them keep the two colored eyes, because it's fun :) They've still got the red left eye, and their right is really dark green! We're keeping the white/black/green color theme :D Of course, we've got white hair. I'm saying it's natural, because if there are dragons why not let somebody have white hair? It's also established in the 4th chapter that Etho knows how to make purple dye for a strip of their hair! (also it's never mentioned but they probably had long hair before arriving on Berk, cut it around the time of joining due to getting teased, and later started growing it out again a bit)

As well as that, they are probably also tall and skinny, due to the fact that they do not eat enough. It isn't on purpose, they are just very forgetful and dragons + Skizz take first priority. They also have horrible posture and look about half a foot shorter then they are :)

14 What is something you would like to talk at length about?

Well uh. I talked a lot about Etho's appearance above but also, dragons.

Etho - Starlit'Void (sand wraith) and Lumie (luminous krayfin). I gave them Starlit'Void because he was my starting dragon and I thought it would be fun! Lumie is more of a technicality, because he's not a playable dragon in game, but with how often he appears in quests, I think I can say he's Etho's now. (also because if you've seen the second httyd movie, there's this scene when Valka is riding on Cloudjumper as the bewilderbeast rises from the ice and I am imagining that but with Etho + Lumie when he fully grown) All other dragons are part of Etho's hoard and are either from quests, their and Skizz's children, or just ones that stick around for fun!

There is another dragon Etho gets, a [redacted] named Stardust! I cannot explain much due to spoilers for a not-yet released fic, but I chose Stardust because around the time the fandom got confirmation of a 4th series, everybody started trying to decide what the winner's title could be! And someone suggest Stardust if Etho won and it lives in my head rent free (It was suggested to fit with the astrology theme + redstone!).

Skizz - Gaze (triple stryke). Personally, I feel like (both 3L and SoD!)Skizz and post-redemption!Dagur share a lot of similarities and hey, why not share the same dragon species! I'll also explain Holly here because why not. Holly is also a triple stryke that Etho and Skizz adopted during Stormheart's first attack on the edge, and the two of them raised her together!

I think to a point Pouncer and Ruffrunner could be counted, but I see them less of Etho and Skizz's dragons and more of future alpha's that the two humans are helping grow!

[euphor1a]

💞 & 🍭 hiiiiii~~~ ☺️👋🏻

Moon!! Hihi 🥺, thank you for the ask!

💞 what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language.

→ Whoo boy 🤓, I’m gonna ramble a lot so hold awn! First of all, I think all the aspects of writing are pretty important, but since we are humans, we are bound to have favorites and preferences. And I’m one of them! I think I focus on the plot, characters and worldbuilding almost equally, but I do tend to prioritize characterization more than often 🤭! I think it majorly comes from the fact that I, as a reader, try to connect with characters and put myself in their shoes. So yeah 🙈! Also, plot is definitely another important aspect I try to focus on (even if I’m writing straight up p*rn 😭)! You will find some sort of plot even in my thirst drabbles kshdbjdk. I just think it’s hard for me to keep the plot ambiguous because when I’m planning, I do have specifics in my mind for that certain fic. On that note, worldbuilding is something that I enjoy, but it can be seen in some specific works only. I think in my imagination when I’m planning out fics, I focus on worldbuilding a lot, but sadly, it’s not that prevalent once I start typing 🤕. The technical stuff... I’m actually very self-conscious about grammar & other errors. And that hits me especially hard after posting something. So like, I read and reread fics like a madman after posting, just in case I left some embarassing mistake 😭! If I find any, I fix them immediately and hope that no one noticed it kshdbjdk. Figurative language though... It’s kinda hard to tell because I never use it consciously(?) If that makes sense! As I mentioned before, my grip on English isn’t good enough for such writing qualities and my style is relatively simple and straightforward. But sometimes, I do get poetic while explaining emotions and such.

🍭 why did you start writing?

→ Uhhhhhh this isn’t exactly gonna be sunshine and rainbows. So tw//// just in case!!

I think I was 16-ish when I started writing, as far as I can remember. And it was purely an emotional let out to me. Back then, I was growing up in an environment that was toxic and abusive, and I was a very scarred human being who was forced to mature at a very early age. My writing used to be extremely, extremely angsty, reflecting the pain, anger and helplessness I felt. All my works used to have this similar base of either betrayal, trauma, depression, heartbreak and other similar experiences. It’s crazy to think that I was churning out chapters after chapters without any of the problems I face now. But then again, I’d really rather not go back in that place. Now, I just write for funsies (mostly)! Sure, there are times when I write to process difficult emotions because I know writing it out can help me, but that’s not so often.

— let’s get real! fic writer asks ✉️ ( inbox )

[aishatradinginsights]

The Power of Multiple Income Streams: Securing Your Financial Future

As you will agree, the world today is characterized by high risks and instabilities; therefore, depending on one income source is rather dangerous. Living a very busy life while being employed and working on different businesses, I have learned the importance of diversifying one’s income sources. Besides ensuring there will be enough money to live comfortably, this approach is also a gateway into enjoying other interests and meeting people who have the same desire to work hard.

At that time I did not think much about it and felt that as long as I have a job I am set. But the moment I started looking at other sources of income, I discovered that there was something more that could be done out there. This search took me to ORION Wealth Academy where I learnt that trading was not the sum total. The only thing that was brilliant was the activity of the group and the abundance of experience to share among people.

One of the things I have come to appreciate is the fact that more than one source of income provides the kind of security that cannot be explained. It simply adds to your peace of mind when you don’t rely entirely on a single pay check to get by. Thus, if something happens to your primary job, you always have a backup job to go to, and that is invaluable in the contemporary environment.

However, the concept of internship is not just about earning more than what you are paid presently. Reducing risks and expanding income sources help the construction of wealth. It allows you to invest and save and increase your wealth when it is nearly impossible while being confined to one source of income. Moreover, social support is a critical component of cost and narrowly tailored services, and in a project like ORION, you’re not alone in this fight. The encouragement, suggestions, and fellowship that are provided here have been more than helpful in my endeavor to keep up as well as steering my path in the right direction.

As much as it is possible to run side projects along with full-time employment, there are challenges that come with it. Consequently, planning and managing time becomes a more important aspect of project delivery or accomplishment of set goals. But with the help of ORION I have learned how to meet all the obligations while still staying productive. It is about breaking your routine to discover your motivation and hope — why one should continue insisting, when everything seems to be going wrong. To me, the ‘why’ is creating something that is completely my own where am able to fend for my family and be meet my needs and desires in life.

What sets this broker apart from the others is not only the trading education but also the complete life enrichment plan. In addition to giving lessons on the markets, the Academy provides much more. It is a program that involves acquiring life experience, learning how to manage money, and engaging with like-minded people who will push you to live a well-rounded life. The discussions and workshops here are not about exotic car leases and computerized bonuses — here it’s about building a life full of meaning.

What I really like about ORION is that it’s not only about trading: the people are fantastic; they become friends and share their expertise with you. Indeed, these relationships have been critical in my development in that I have been challenged to be the best person and professional that I can be. I was not expecting the support from the ORION community as much as cherish at the end of the day I came to value the support a lot.

That is true to some extent for the financial markets but when these are supported with proper guidance and a fantastic community it turns into the best shot. It is very important that ORION Wealth Academy has not only learn me how to trade but also to build a life that is financially and personally rewarding. That is why if you want to invest and protect your money at the same time but also meet people who will make you happy — turn to ORION. Start your process of enhancing the quality of your life right now.

[alexionpro]

Tips To Improve Your Health Mentally And Physically

Healthy eating, regular exercise as well as getting adequate rest are essential for physical well-being. Mental health is equally important.

It's nothing major to eat fast food every once in a while or not do the gym, but if the habits are ingrained in your mind then you must alter your habits.

1. Eat Healthy

When it comes to nutritious eating practices, your most effective suggestion is to experiment with a few things and find what works for you. Eating healthily involves making good choices, and having a wide variety of food and not denying yourself or trying to get weightless.

Everyone seems to have opinions on what constitutes an "healthy" diet. And it's overwhelming and confusing. There are several easy methods to improve your diet, which will make you feel healthier. Once you like to find out more details about health, you've to sneak a peek at euclock.org/ site.

2. Exercise Frequently

Regular exercise can enhance your mood and reduces stress. It also increases good cholesterol, while reducing unhealthy cholesterol triglycerides. It may reduce the chances of developing heart diseases.

The exercise you do not have to be intense; even taking a stroll around the block, or attending a yoga class could help you improve your fitness. Spending time with your family or friends will be more enjoyable.

Make sure you do some moderate physical activity every throughout the day, when you can. Start beginning with smaller sessions. Do not forget to extend your muscles, and exercise at a spot where you feel energized or calm, like a beach or zen garden.

You can make it easier to stay with an exercise program by writing it down in your schedule.

3. Make Sure You Get Enough Sleep

Sleep has many benefits including increasing your health and mental wellbeing to reducing the chance of developing obesity and diabetes. Being able to sleep enough and obtaining high quality sleep will also improve your academic performance and at work.

Sleep problems are not unusual however they may increase the risk of developing heart disease or other serious health issues. Poor sleep can be characterized by the fact that you wake up to an alarm, feeling groggy and fatigued the next day, even after sleep for a whole night or feeling the symptoms of sleep-apnea.

Try to stick to a schedule, sleeping and getting up at the same time each day, not just on weekend days. Keep your bedroom quiet, dark and comfortable.

4. Keep hydrated

While you've probably heard 8 glasses of water are suggested every day, it doesn't mean it's the only way to get fluids. It is also possible to get water by drinking other beverages and taking in foods like fruit and soups with large amount of water (strawberries and cantaloupe). Drinking enough fluids is important when you sweat, and is even more important if you have certain health conditions such as fever, vomiting, or diarrhea.

Replace caffeinated drinks by drinking water, and choose the low-sugar variety of your preferred beverages. Be sure to check the color of your urine. A light, straw-colored colour is ideal. A dark yellow color can signify dehydration. You should keep a bottle of water at hand in case you're working out or travelling in hot weather.

5. Avoid Screen Time

We live in a digital world, and screens are an integral part of various jobs. But the amount of time you spend on them can interfere with daily activities and cause the feeling of. The process of tracking your use as well as setting limits will assist in improving your screen habits.

A long time spent in front of a monitor can lead to eye strain and posture problems like slouching that could cause back discomfort. Blue light makes it hard to sleep and remain asleep as the body's metabolism is less the hormone melatonin.

Making the decision to use your spare time without the aid of a screen can lead to better face-to-face social skills and can allow you the time to engage in more physical activities and reduces blood pressure, encourages healthy weight and keeps joints in good shape.

[theladysherlock]

I can't speak to all of it but I CAN speak on how they might approach Holly, because she's my favorite and I want her done right.

Before I go into what I think they could do, we gotta go over the deviations they're going to make.

1. She can't show up when Lucy is visiting her family. Show!Lucy is a runaway, she's not going to willingly go back for a quick visit. Book!Lucy went to see her biological family and then returned to her Real Family at 35 Portland Row and found another girl in her place (using HER favorite dishware and eating HER favorite treats), which is why that hurt so much. We won't have that theme here.

2. The cleaning thing. Show!35 Portland Row is in good condition, and as you pointed out, George cleans when he's stressed. The house is fine. There needs to be something else.

3. The internalized misogyny (hopefully). We've seen Show!Lucy's relationship with Norrie, we know she is capable of being friends with other girls. She's also more cordial to Kat. Book!Lucy didn't have any other female friends that we got to see.

So if we're going to add her in, there are a few things that need to stay the same to keep the general tone.

1. Holly's arrival has to upset Lucy. While I would like to say it makes Lucy feel like she's been replaced, I don't know that we can do that in the current Show climate. However! We could still have Lucy leave to visit Norrie in the hospital. While she's still a bit raw after seeing her best friend in such a state (maybe she was hoping if Norrie recovered she could join Lucy at Lockwood & Co.), she arrives to find that the boys have hired a DIFFERENT girl who is so different from Norrie that it upsets Lucy in a way that is hard for her to articulate.

2. Holly has to fill a logistical niche in the company. Part of why she annoys Lucy so much is that she's not a field worker, so she has to remain someone who doesn't go out on cases.

With all that in mind, here are my suggestions for how they could include Holly in theoretical future seasons:

Option One: DEPRAC Requirement

Show!Barnes is much more invested in keeping these kids alive than Book!Barnes was, at least as far as we saw from Lucy's POV. It's not unreasonable that Barnes could request an audit on their files or something. Maybe before they fail the inspection, Lockwood hires Holly as a temp to whip things into shape and Lucy is annoyed at "Just a Temp" poking into all her stuff. Maybe after they fail the inspection, Barnes insists they hire someone and recommends Holly (he would also be keeping track of her team and would know she needs some way to get back on her feet after her whole team died), and Lucy is CERTAIN that she's a DEPRAC spy reporting back to Barnes. Then, when the boys seem to like her and aren't suspicious the way she is, we can still get that moment where she feels like they're shutting her out.

Option Two: PR Person

Maybe Lockwood has gone and run his mouth on television one too many times, or maybe he's promised things they simply can't deliver on. Maybe he's getting them dangerously close to getting in trouble with DEPRAC again and he admits that maybe he doesn't need to be the face as much and they can have someone else there. They hire Holly to do a very similar job in the books: answering calls, keeping track of cases, basically she is the first person that people see when they walk into 35 Portland Row. However, and this is the part that rubs Lucy the wrong way, Holly is ALSO the press correspondent, and is frequently on television taking credit for jobs she wasn't even there for. Lucy would expect Lockwood to take her side in this, since he hates not being in the spotlight, but when he admits freely that Holly's doing a good job and she's an important part of the team it just pisses her off more.

And, as a final note, I would really want them to keep the fact that Holly's whole team died just like Lucy's. The show didn't include that tidbit with Flo, and I think the characterization suffers for it. The three girls are more alike than they are different and it highlights how terrible this world is for them. And I want Show!Lucy to lash out and say that Holly's a coward for not being able to go back into the field. It's cruel and unfair and it's not as though Show!Lucy hasn't lashed out at people before (but in my opinion she hasn't done it nearly enough!!! Let her be mean!!!)

there's one major thing that's been nagging on me about l&co adaptation ever since my first watch: if we were to get season 2, how would they set up the conflict of THB?

i can get behind some of reinterpretation of characters and their mannerisms, character traits (i.e. Lockwood dressing less formal and not being a know-it-all, Lucy being less hateful towards George, seeing Kipps as he's actively losing his talent, George Karim being iranian and being very close to his culture in a form of cuisine), some are good, as a fan of books i'd be eager to get to know these characters along side their book counterparts.

but alas, i can't see these characters as the same characters in both medias because too much of their characterisation was changed, and it's really hard to blame on pacing or the lack of screen time. it's the writing. some changes going as far as making me question, what were they supposed to do with this groundwork in the second season.

how would runners set up a conflict of L&Co overworking themselves after gaining fame over solving the bone glass case and accepting all calls they were getting, if show!Lockwood out right says in episode 4 that he's not interested in boring cases? not only does it get rid off of a major characterisation of Lockwood as someone who's, yes, in it for fame, but most importantly he became an agent to "avenge" his family. avenge isn't even the right word, i think. he doesn't want others to be fallen victims to a visitor, doesn't want to see other people lose their loved ones, lose their family to ghosts. not only does it make show!Lockwood rather vain and only fame driven, instead of someone dealing with deep personal trauma, but also loses one of the key points of Holly's introduction to the team. (i also love the reading of LW naming his agency Lockwood&Co as something less selfish and more about him paying a tribute to his family, that without them and visitors taking them away from him, he wouldn't start his agency and wouldn't be able to help other people.)

speaking of Holly's introduction, what exactly would have been her role at the start in the show? L&Co don't seem overworked from the 4 cases they had (2 related to TSS out of 4 in the book, Wimbledon gallows + Bickerstaff's, not counting Wilberforce's ghost and a bunch of not mentioned in dialogue cases i. e. Mrs Barrett's tomb). that already solves the problem of trio not having free time to do chores around the house. but say show says "and now they're overworked" instead of showing, sure, but it doesn't get rid of George's stress cleaning habit.

Holly was introduced as a help, as a support to the way L&Co was already running and over the books she became more than just an assistant but a beloved part of the team. without proper reasoning as to why Lockwood & Co had to get an assistant, Holly's introduction could be messy and unprompted, something like checking a box in the list of what has to happen instead of making it story driven. something like what happened to skull's character.

and a final thing that im iffy about is the ending of the first season. somehow show rushed through and speedran Lockwood's suicidal arc as well as managed to call it out by the end of show's TWS storyline, where books didn't show any progress even by the end of TEG.

but im saying call it out, not resolve. i'd actually appreciate it if show made an effort of showing that such tendencies and lack of self-preservation aren't just resolved in a second, someone saying "stop being suicidal" doesn't magically fix everything. and yet, show still speedran things, especially given that events of the show happen in only 10 days instead of a year, and Lockwood's already made very aware of his reckless behaviour aka throwing himself in danger for people, and, what's even more questionable, for people he barely knows. which, again, contradicts his character and the way he navigates trauma.

these character and plot deviations and inconsistencies may not seem critical at first, but they might build over the course of the series and lead to a complete shift in overall narrative and spirit of L&Co as a story. which i wouldn't want to see as a fan.

to put it simply, i can see why fans want for show to be picked up for a second season, but i can't see how writers could make it coherent because they wrote themselves into a corner.

[duckprintspress]

Giving Quality, Motivating Feedback

A guest post by @shealynn88!

The new writer in your writing group just sent out their latest story and it’s...not exciting. You know it needs work, but you’re not sure why, or where they should focus.

This is the blog post for you!

Before we get started, it’s important to note that this post isn’t aimed at people doing paid editing work. In the professional world, there are developmental editors, line editors, and copy editors, who all have a different focus. That is not what we’re covering here. Today, we want to help you informally give quality, detailed, encouraging feedback to your fellow writers.

The Unwritten Rules

Everyone seems to have a different understanding of what it means to beta, edit, or give feedback on a piece, so it’s best to be on the same page with your writer before you get started.

Think about what type of work you’re willing and able to do, how much time you have, and how much emotional labor you’re willing to take on. Then talk to your writer about their expectations.

Responsibilities as an editor/beta may include:

Know what the author’s expectation is and don’t overstep. Different people in different stages of writing are looking for, and will need, different types of support. It’s important to know what pieces of the story they want feedback on. If they tell you they don’t want feedback on dialogue, don’t give them feedback on dialogue. Since many terms are ambiguous or misunderstood, it may help you to use the list of story components in the next section to come to an agreement with your writer on what you’ll review.

Don’t offer expertise you don’t have. If your friend needs advice on their horse book and you know nothing about horses, be clear that your read through will not include any horse fact checking. Don’t offer grammar advice if you’re not good at grammar. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give feedback on things you do notice, but don’t misrepresent yourself, and understand your own limits.

Give positive and constructive feedback. It is important for a writer to know when something is working well. Don’t skimp on specific positive feedback — this is how you keep writers motivated. On the other hand, giving constructive feedback indicates where there are issues. Be specific on what you’re seeing and why it’s an issue. It can be hard for someone to improve if they don’t understand what’s wrong.

Be clear about your timing and availability, and provide updates if either changes. Typically, you’ll be doing this for free, as you’re able to fit it in your schedule. But it can be nerve wracking to hand your writing over for feedback and then hear nothing. For everyone’s sanity, keep the writer up to date on your expected timeline and let them know if you’re delayed for some reason. If you cannot complete the project for them, let them know. This could be for any reason — needing to withdraw, whatever the cause, is valid! It could be because working with the writer is tough, you don’t enjoy the story, life got tough, you got tired, etc. All of that is fine; just let them know that you won’t be able to continue working on the project.

Be honest if there are story aspects you can’t be objective about. Nearly all of your feedback is going to be personal opinion. There are some story elements that will evoke strong personal feelings. They can be tropes, styles, specific characterizations, or squicks. In these cases, ask the writer to get another opinion on that particular aspect, or, if you really want to continue, find similar published content to review and see if you can get a better sense of how other writers have handled it.

Don’t get personal. Your feedback should talk about the characters, the narrator, the plotline, the sentence structure, or other aspects of the story. Avoid making ‘you’ statements or judgements, suggested or explicit, in your feedback. Unless you’re looking at grammar or spelling, most of the feedback you’ll have will be your opinion. Don’t present it as fact.

Your expectations of the writer/friend/group member you are working with may include:

Being gracious in accepting feedback. A writer may provide explanations for an issue you noticed or seek to discuss your suggestions. However, if they constantly argue with you, that may be an indicator to step back.

Being responsible for emotional reactions to getting feedback. While getting feedback can be hard on the ego and self esteem, that is something the writer needs to work on themselves. While you can provide reassurance and do emotional labor if you’re comfortable, it is also very reasonable to step back if the writer isn’t ready to do that work.

Making the final choice regarding changes to the work. The writer should have a degree of confidence in accepting or rejecting your feedback based on their own sense of the story. While they may consult you on this, the onus is on them to make changes that preserve the core of the story they want to tell.

Some people aren’t ready for feedback, even though they’re seeking it. You’re not signing up to be a psychologist, a best friend, or an emotional support editor. You can let people know in advance that these are your expectations, or you can just keep them in mind for your own mental health. As stated above, you can always step back from a project, and if writers aren’t able to follow these few guidelines, it might be a good time to do that. (It’s also worth making sure that, as a writer, you’re able to give these things to your beta/editor.)

Specificity is Key

One of the hardest things in editing is pinning down the ‘whys’ of unexciting work, so let’s split the writing into several components and talk about evaluations you can make for each one.

You can also give this list to your writer ahead of time as a checklist, to see which things they want your feedback on.

Generally, your goal is going to be to help people improve incrementally. Each story they write should be better than the previous one, so you don’t need to go through every component for every story you edit. Generally, I wouldn’t suggest more than 3 editing rounds on any single story that isn’t intended for publication. Think of the ‘many pots’ theory — people who are honing their craft will improve more quickly by writing a lot of stories instead of incessantly polishing one.

With this in mind, try addressing issues in the order below, from general to precise. It doesn’t make sense to critique grammar and sentence structure if the plot isn’t solid, and it can be very hard on a writer to get feedback on all these components at once. If a piece is an early or rough draft, try evaluating no more than four components at a time, and give specific feedback on what does and doesn’t work, and why.

High Level Components

Character arc/motivation:

Does each character have a unique voice, or do they all sound the same?

In dialogue, are character voices preserved? Do they make vocabulary and sentence-structure choices that fit with how they’re being portrayed?

Does each character have specific motivations and focuses that are theirs alone?

Does each character move through the plot naturally, or do they seem to be shoehorned/railroaded into situations or decisions for the sake of the plot? Be specific about which character actions work and which don’t. Tell the writer what you see as their motivation/arc and why—and point out specific lines that indicate that motivation to you.

Does each character's motivation seem to come naturally from your knowledge of them?

Are you invested (either positively or negatively) in the characters? If not, why not? Is it that they have nothing in common with you? Do you not understand where they’re coming from? Are they too perfect or too unsympathetic?

Theme:

It’s a good idea to summarize the story and its moral from your point of view and provide that insight to the writer. This can help them understand if the points they were trying to make come through. The theme should tie in closely with the character arcs. If not, provide detailed feedback on where it does and doesn’t tie in.

Plot Structure:

For most issues with plot structure, you can narrow them down to pacing, characterization, logical progression, or unsatisfying resolution. Be specific about the issues you see and, when things are working well, point that out, too.

Is there conflict that interests you? Does it feel real?

Is there a climax? Do you feel drawn into it?

Do the plot points feel like logical steps within the story?

Is the resolution tied to the characters and their growth? Typically this will feel more real and relevant and satisfying than something you could never have seen coming.

Is the end satisfying? If not, is it because you felt the end sooner and the story kept going? Is it because too many threads were left unresolved? Is it just a matter of that last sentence or two being lackluster?

Point Of View:

Is the point of view clear and consistent?

Is the writing style and structure consistent with that point of view? For example, if a writer is working in first person or close third person, the style of the writing should reflect the way the character thinks. This extends to grammar, sentence structure, general vocabulary and profanity outside of the dialogue.

If there is head hopping (where the point of view changes from chapter to chapter or section to section), is it clear in the first few sentences whose point of view you’re now in? Chapter headers can be helpful, but it should be clear using structural, emotional, and stylistic changes that you’re with a new character now.

Are all five senses engaged? Does the character in question interact with their environment in realistic, consistent ways that reflect how people actually interact with the world?

Sometimes the point of view can feel odd if it’s too consistent. Humans don’t typically think logically and linearly all the time, so being in someone’s head may sometimes be contradictory or illogical. If it’s too straightforward, it might not ‘feel’ real.

Be specific about the areas that don’t work and break them down based on the questions above.

Pacing:

Does the story jump around, leaving you confused about what took place when?

Do some scenes move quickly where others drag, and does that make sense within the story?

If pacing isn’t working, often it’s about the level of detail or the sentence structure. Provide detailed feedback about what you care about in a given scene to help a writer focus in.

Setting:

Is the setting clear and specific? Writing with specific place details is typically more rooted, interesting, and unique. If you find the setting vague and/or uninteresting and/or irrelevant, you might suggest replacing vague references — ‘favorite band’, ‘coffee shop on the corner’, ‘the office building’ — with specific names to ground the setting and make it feel more real.

It might also be a lack of specific detail in a scene that provides context beyond the characters themselves. Provide specific suggestions of what you feel like you’re missing. Is it in a specific scene, or throughout the story? Are there scenes that work well within the story, where others feel less grounded? Why?

Low Level Components

Flow/Sentence Structure:

Sentence length and paragraph length should vary. The flow should feel natural.

When finding yourself ‘sticking’ on certain sentences, provide specific feedback on why they aren’t working. Examples are rhythm, vocabulary, subject matter (maybe something is off topic), ‘action’ vs ‘explanation’, passive vs. active voice.

Style/Vocabulary:

Writing style should be consistent with the story — flowery prose works well for mythic or historical pieces and stories that use that type of language are typically slower moving. Quick action and short sentences are a better fit for murder mysteries, suspense, or modern, lighter fiction.

Style should be consistent within the story — it may vary slightly to show how quickly action is happening, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re reading two different stories.

SPAG (Spelling and Grammar):

Consider spelling and grammar in the context of the point of view, style and location of the story (eg, England vs. America vs. Australia).

If a point of view typically uses incorrect grammar, a SPAG check will include making sure that it doesn’t suddenly fall into perfect grammar for a while. In this case, consistency is going to be important to the story feeling authentic.

Word Count Requirements:

If the story has been written for a project, bang, anthology, zine, or other format that involves a required word count minimum or maximum, and the story is significantly over or under the aimed-for word count (30% or more/less), it may not make sense to go through larger edits until the sizing is closer to requirements. But, as a general rule, I’d say word count is one of the last things to worry about.

*

The best thing we can do for another writer is to keep them writing. Every single person will improve if they keep going. Encouragement is the most important feedback of all.

I hope this has helped you think about how you provide feedback. Let us know if you have other tips or tricks! This works best as a collaborative process where we all can support one another!