#and it's going to be a stupid ass tragedy and none of the people responsible will ever be held accountable

[rawliverandgoronspice]

I do genuinely hate how trusting simple shit on the internet is starting to become a russian roulette game. Even if AI wasn't based on maybe one of the biggest heists of human history, it would still be a massive L to the culture that we are expected to become paranoid about any interaction we have with other human beings, our appreciation for art, our trust of the images we see, etc. This is just making everything so much worse, and there is no justification for it that holds any water.

[violet-prism-creatively]

My live reactions to Harrow the Ninth

Continued from my pre-reading assumptions and post-reading thoughts about Gideon the Ninth

Everyone who said "Harrow the Ninth will take a while to make sense, be patient and it will pay off" was absolutely right! I made a lot of notes throughout with predictions, some of which were correct and some of which were... not.

Theories that were wrong:

The Emperor wiped Harrow's memory of Gideon

Gideon has spoken with The Body

The Body's eyes now appear yellow because they're Gideon's eyes

Harrow only sees her own eyes as black because she wiped her memory of Gideon, everyone else perceives them as gold

The Sleeper is The Body

The Sleeper is Gideon

"Ortus the First" is Gideon (the Ninth)

Harrow is haunted by Gideon

The picture in Camilla, Coronabeth, & Judith's shuttle is of Gideon

Cytherea's body moving around is a hallucination

Gideon's sword is haunted by the lyctor who established the Ninth House

I also did make some pretty good guesses, though. Here's some more of my notes that are just fun reactions!

"Her parents had... found out... about what she had done" SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER GIDEON'S VITAL ROLE IN THIS

This Teacher is a lot more helpful

there are advantages to having God himself as a father figure

"the grey-wrappered figures of Camilla Hect and Palamedes Sextus laid on the slabs in the mortuary" NO :(

bookmarking this other incomprehensible clue

it's that graffiti S that everyone drew in elementary school lol

"You had noticed at previous dinners that he did not like some particular vegetables, so you had put them all in." that's so petty, I love it

"said Camilla Hect" YAY

"the skull of someone who, soon after death or symptomatically during, had exploded" Palamedes!

Harrow never got actual sword training as a lyctor, did she? Now Camilla can help her!

"Nobody had seen you walk through that door [to The Tomb]. Nobody had watched you leave." GIDEON SAW AND THAT'S WHAT'S GOING TO CONVINCE HARROW THAT SHE'S NOT INSANE, EVENTUALLY

"What a destructive, romantic, ridiculous act. It was always a certain kind of ass who approached love like that" yeah it's a certain kind of stupid, heroic, selfless, etc. to make yourself forget the person you're in love with to protect them

"Harrow Nova" another alternate universe where Harrow is in Gideon's role?????

"they've got a hotshot new BARI star" oh my god it's a coffee shop au in space

SHE REMEMBERS GIDEON!!!!!!! (how??)

"You sawed open your skull rather than be beholden to someone. [...] Harrowhark, I gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it." AAAAAAAAA!!!!

"I was, and am, a grown man, and you both were neglected children" thank you Ortus for taking responsibility. actually a decent person

"What the fuck is going on?" yeah i feel u babe

"'The only thing that ever stopped me being exactly who I wanted,' she said, 'was the worry that I would soon be dead... and now I am dead, and I am sick of roses, and I am horny for revenge.'" hell yeah!!

oh Ianthe was gaslighting her. yeah Gideon wreck her!

"you'd kept my sunglasses" awww

"I never made her look like that. She can't love me, even if I'd wanted her to." aw :( and she's still so devoted anyway

"Your art, not my strength, was the ultimate source of our victory." so Ortus does get to be a hero after all, in his own way!

"Awake Remembrance of These Valiant Dead Kia Hua Ko Te Pai Snap Back to Reality Oops There Goes Gravity" I remember seeing posts about this name now! lol

yeah it's a weird chain of people in other people's bodies (Gideon would love the innuendo)

"We needed your, ahem, genetic material" Ianthe was right, ew. Also Gideon is the daughter of God I guess?

"You watched us kill our cavaliers in cold blood, and none of them had to die." ok that is a pretty bad thing for him to do

the tragedy that Gideon only had John as a father for a few minutes, while Harrow had him as a father figure for months but didn't want that

"'my necromancer started an affair with your mother... not knowing I'd also been doing the same thing, using his body.' // I said, 'What the fuck.'" extremely valid reaction from Gideon

"Oh, we'll still hate each other, my dear, we have hated each other too long and too passionately to stop... but my bones will rest easy next to your bones." that's kinda romantic in its own way

to be fair, if John dies, the entire solar system of Dominicus dies

"We died" no actually I think you might be alive and being saved

???????? Another alternate reality memory thing??

Multiple notes about how Harrow might just be the way she is because of growing up in a temple with strict routine, no social interaction, and no variety of sensory input... but I'm headcanoning her as autistic. Also headcanoning Gideon as ADHD, and autism/ADHD gay couples are my favorite ships.

Tagging people who have been following along. I'm going to switch to not tagging people anymore after this, but tagging all posts as #violet reads tlt, and you can follow the tag. @procrastinationaccount @vivaciouscynner @pearlofmydreams @cursed-druid-girl @ghostly-atv

[blueskiesandstarrynights]

ok so because the brain worms have completely taken over, I've been completely rotating the idea of the stranger things kids godly parents and it won't let me go so here are my headcanons for their godly parents with probably not enough thought put into them-

Dustin as a son of hephestus is probably a really low-hanging fruit, but it's low-hanging for a reason. He's constantly making all sorts of shit and he's constantly thinking about the science before his own life. Plus, I'd just love to see him with fire abilities. see how that plays out.

Stobin I bounced around with a couple ideas. I initially had them as mischief-causing children of hermes, but then I had a better idea- Daughter of Athena Robin and son of poseidon Steve. Here me out ok, her affinity for languages plus her ability to improv plans and stories really gave me those vibes and for Steve, he already spends a bunch of time in the water (swim captain, lifeguard) and he kinda gives me the vibes that he would enjoy just sitting at the bottom of the lake and just chilling (robin is so jealous he can speak in a language she can't and demands to figure out how to speak it too) (Side note I considered making steve a son of aphrodite as a close second bc of the charmspeak and such but poseidon won out)

Max I decided on as a daughter of zues. I loved the idea of giving her that much power plus the tragedy that comes with being a child of the big three. idk less thoughts and more vibes with this one, but I think it could also present some fabulous big brother steve moments with this kind of circumstance. If I were to write this I prob wouldn't follow the pjo plot exactly bc none of these characters are a 1:1 of any pjo counterparts, but I really like the idea of her turning into a tree for some time and accidentally coming back. It would kinda be reminiscent of the coma she's in right now and it could be fun to play with.

Lucas I was really vibing with as a son of apollo. Obviously, because of the ranger thing, I'd love to see him with a bow and arrow, but also because of the healing. @andiwriteordie made an excellent thought post about lucas with healing abilities in reference to him as a water bender and while I think some things would change bc atla and pjo are vastly different worlds, I think the core ideas of Lucas being a healer are still there and I rlly vibe with it. Plus, I. Really like the idea of Glowing Boyfriend. Also I think there's plenty of angst to be said with Lucas trying and trying to heal tree!max with apollo powers but that can't beat zues's spell on her.

This one I haven't had as much thought on, but I loved the idea of Erica also being a child of apollo, but specifically a roman one. It would take a bit for them to realize the difference esp bc I don't think apollo has many changes between greek and roman form and I think it could create an interesting dynamic. less thoughts here but I may have more as I continue my HOO reread. I would love to see her as an archer plus I'm obsessed with that trope of the healer talking to their patients like "you dumb motherfucker stop doing stupid shit and landing your ass here again." but on the other hand, her with plague powers would be so funny. dustin tries to give her this superhero "with great power comes great responsibility" speech and he wakes up with hay fever the next day

Speaking of something I need to reread more info on, I was kinda vibing with the idea of El as a daughter of Hecate. I think her working with magic could be really interesting, but I also don't wanna say much till I've finished my HOO reread and I've read more of Hazel's scenes.

Mike I think would make such a good son of athena. He always has a clever plan ready and things often go wrong when people don't follow his plans. Slightly less relevant but I think his creativity as a DM could really match up with this as well.

Now, Nancy I had a bit of a hard time with. I considered Athena because she always seems to have a plan as well, though I'd take her for a different aspect than, say, Robin, since Nancy kinda blanks out whenever things go off the plan. I briefly considered Nemesis since she's the god of revenge and balance and that felt appropriate, but Athena felt a little more on target.

Eddie I'm kinda vibing as a son of Hermes, that chaotic jack of all trades kind of son of hermes. this one is also mostly vibes, but if I have more thoughts later on I'll add them.

Argyle as a son of demeter i think works well because those kids always gave me very chill vibes and I think that would work well.

Will, I actually saw this somewhere, is a clearsighted mortal. It kinda ties back into his canon true sight and lines up well. I really like the idea of him spouting prophecies, plus, he can instantly see monsters for what they truly are which is really something considering

Jonathan is a child of one of the big three, Hades. I felt it kinda fit with his loner persona and I loved the idea of him shadow traveling, plus him attracting monsters frequently leaves him immensely guilty bc his brother who can see through the mist can spot the monsters immediately and it ends up being the little brother looking out for the older brother??? then in this hypothetical au they run away from home which leaves joyce utterly crushed btw. and by they I mean Jonathan ran away and Will followed after him. Jonathan hated feeling like he was putting will in danger, but will just couldn't leave Jonathan alone with the monsters he couldn't spot 100% of the time or as accurately. it's an utterly vicious cycle. Lowkey considering having jonathan run away with the Wheeler’s, I imagine they’d have an adjacent attitude to annabeth’s stepmom in regard to the monsters. plus I think the angst of Jonathan attempting to shadowtravel them into camp and he finds himself halfway down the hill on the other side as will is banging on the magical shield around camp unable to get in as a monster advances to be utterly delicious.

If I were to write this, there’d probably be no defined main character. Certain drabbles/one shots will focus on different characters, so just bc steve’s the son of poseidon doesn’t mean he’s gonna be the main character like percy.

[spider-xan]

I might elaborate on this later, but honestly, today's frustrating chain of events really comes down to the whole situation being a tragedy of errors where several people believed they were doing the right thing according to their well-intentioned goals and level of knowledge (about medicine, the actual situation at hand, and honestly, folklore, since garlic flowers is an experiment on VH's part based on vampire lore that may or may not be right, not actual science), but bc of miscommunication, misinterpretation, lack of full information, trying to be considerate about a delicate situation, wires getting crossed, etc. mistakes are/were made, and tragedy ensues. That's not to say no one should be held accountable, or that no one did anything wrong, but that it's more complicated than one person bearing all of the responsibility and blame, though it's understandably in human nature to see things that way bc it's easier to fix and control when there's one easy, definite answer.

(Honestly, the only person behaving maliciously with ill intent here is Dracula himself, and none of this would be happening if he wasn't so determined to feed on Lucy like this.)

And then at the end of the day, as interesting as the Watsonian discussion as if these were real people making autonomous decisions who could have made other choices is, everyone behaves the (frustrating) way they do bc the novel is ultimately a horror novel with elements of tragedy, and if everyone made perfect decisions, had no flaws, and were operating under the same knowledge as the readers, there would be no conflict or story. Today's incident is arguably also a microcosm of the greater theme of the power of knowledge and documentation, and without spoiling, some of the frustration of today will happen again bc of the overarching themes, character development, and plot.

If anything, it's to Stoker's credit that no matter how frustrating some characters' choices are, if you look directly at the text itself and read it in good faith, you can chart exactly why everyone thought and did what they did based on goals, knowledge, and personality, however in-universe stupid in some cases, or however much you disagree with what they did, instead of the cheap writing trick of pulling nonsensical behaviour out of your ass to move the plot along - and the fact that no one is ever going to come to a consensus about who deserves all or some of the blame even if everyone reads the text in good faith is a testament to that tbh

[sohoharlem]

No blogs will post this, except for me.

I’ve shared these thoughts with a friend of mine and I just want to post it here. All the gossip blogs out there are super biased, and I advise you to stay away from them, because they will never post anything that goes against that specific blog’s opinion. It’s not a health environment. What I'm going to say right now, is strictly opinion, but it’s one that I have found many agree with in secret, but for some odd reason are afraid of being lashed out at. But I'm taking one for the team. This is for those gossip blogs who refuse to listen to the other side because they paint an unrealistic version of a person they don’t even know in real life. ( Just to give you an idea of how blind, biased, and fucking stupid these blogs are, I submitted this to five different opinion blogs (the same ones obsessed with Ale) and not ONE wanted to respond or post it.)

This is for Sebastian Stan’s fans - the majority of them who worship the land he walks on. It’s based on the blind that came out, about two-ish months after he was spotted in NYC with his supposed “Girlfriend”, but many sources do believe their relationship was strictly PR, anyway.

Based on that above blind, I truly believe that his fans live in this big bubble of denial, where they believe Sebastian never has sex with anyone but the same person for an entire year. First of all, there is nothing wrong with men seeing strippers. And there is nothing wrong with escorts, it’s a choice. It doesn’t mean he is dirty or he is being reckless. He’s living his own damn life. He’s a grown ass man, probably 10+ years older than most of you. It’s also his choice, his money, and his life. He’s seen strippers in the past, and this might come as shocker to most of his innocent and new fans, but this (Sebastian Stan seeing strippers) is NOT NEW.

Stop thinking that this man has never fucked a woman raw or doesn’t like to feel good. Or that he doesn’t like sex. Stop trying to protect a grown man because you’re afraid of your image of him being tainted. I genuinely feel like most of his fans just keep coming up with excuse after excuse to make a rumor a lie in their eyes when it’s something that doesn’t work in their favor.

When the blind first came out, they all said this: “No way it’s him. He’s not A-List and he’s with his GF, and that sounds like something crazy. He’s also not the only actor right now filming. I think it’s Rob.” Funny how none of them debunked it as a lie, huh?

(It’s hilarious because they said the same exact thing about the COVID-19 on the TFATWS set blind, saying it was another movie when it ended up being confirmed it was in fact, The Falcon and The Winter Soldier. And it made fucking sense because of course they’d want to film regardless, they want to get it done. They are tired of putting shit on hold.)

Anyway…

The second the name comes out that confirmed the open minded people’s suspicions, the realistic people, his delusional fans started spewing shit like:

“His crazy fans made up this blind.”

Really? You really think ENTY just allows anyone? You think that’s how it fucking works? ENTY could get in serious trouble if this and the COVID blind was just a fan rumor. I highly doubt that’s how it fucking works. If that were the case, she would have over a hundred blinds a day of fans trying to stir up shit. Please. Get over yourself. A “fan”, ha! Another spew of shit I kept seeing was:

“Uh uh…uhm… *nervous laughter* but he would never do that. He would never see a stripper. It has to be a lie. I NEEED PROOOOOOF.”

My fucking. God.

Look. Even if it’s not real, which it very well could not be, be we don’t know, stop living in a bubble of denial where Sebastian fucking Stan is a 20 year old virgin and has never been to a damn strip club. You need a reality check if you think that’s the case. You need to be hit on the side of the head.

Real or fake, stop trying to make him fit your persona of him. 

In response to the whole GF thing, I’d just like to say that this whole blind is more proof than any of her  baiting we’ve had until now. And yet certain blogs still cling to a fucking blue sweatshirt, a picture of a dead fish, and a blurry pixillated fire pit picture. Where they zoom in so hard it becomes a tragedy. Just think about that for a second. Done? Okay good. And yet they call THAT proof. For the love of fucking God, are you kidding me? Are you fucking joking? They cling on a seem or color of a shirt more than a “revealed name”. 

I don’t understand the obsession with that girl, I really fucking don’t.

This isn’t me attacking and nor is it me being bitter. Some of his fans really just drive me nuts and you can tell they are so damn naive, and very biased. Want to know how biased they are and how naive? I bet you a picture could come out of him making out with a new girl and they would still say “Yeah but maybe he was paid to do it” or the awful “i need more proof.” ??????? THERE’S A PICTURE RIGHT THERE. 

These are the same fans that run away from him and unstan him and then GO BACK to him after he posts a thirst picture of him.

It’s so hard not to want to bang my head against a damn wall with the amount of stupidity I see. One of the most frustrating fandoms. Wish they’d grow up.

Please stop confusing Sebastian Stan with your precious Bucky Barnes. This is real life, not a fucking fanfic. Maybe if you stopped reading fanfiction you’d take on a different light on reality and learn to see the difference between your favorite fictional character and the real life man, who, news flash, has sex and not with you.

[cami-chats]

Cats Get Dates

Fandom: Marvel, The Umbrella Academy (TV)

Pairing: Five Hargreeves/Tony Stark

Warnings: None

On AO3 or below

Tony didn't think about it too much before putting up the sign in his window. He felt kind of stupid as he did it-- and also like he was in that one Taylor Swift music video-- but also, that cat was super cute and he wanted to know its name. Calling it 'the stupidly cute, fluffy cat' when he was telling Jim about it was getting a little lengthy; not to mention Jim had thought he was talking about more than one cat for about six months.

Your cat's really cute. So white and fluffy, I love them was what the sign said, but it was enough. With the way windows and floors worked in these weirdass apartment buildings, he wasn't risking much by admitting the cutest cat in the world was, in fact, the cutest cat in the world to a bunch of strangers other than the one stranger he had in mind.

The next day, there was a sign in the window with an arrow pointing down to the cat's favorite lounging spot: Mr. Pennycrumb (yes, really).

Tony wasn't the best artist, but he did a pretty good rendition of Mr. Pennycrumb in a suit, with a monocle and a walking stick. I love him. He didn't hesitate to put that one up either, and he thought that would be the end of it.

He should've known that the universe would decide to throw him a nice little curveball. The next time he peeked across the street to see if Mr. Pennycrumb was taking a nap or licking his paw, he instead saw a handsome man with a criminal jawline sitting in the window, writing in a notebook.

Tony was just tired enough to sit at his own desk and stare an unreasonable amount.

Mr. Pennycrumb's owner looked up after a while and saw him. He raised an eyebrow.

Tony reached for the poster that had his drawing of Mr. Pennycrumb in a suit-- which he kept by the window simply because he wanted to keep the drawing but didn't have any other place to put it-- and held it up. Then he set it down and put his hands together in a pleading fashion.

The cat owner smirked in a very self-satisfied manner, then disappeared for a moment. When he came back, he had Mr. Pennycrumb in his arms. He plopped him in front of the window, where the cat was happy to stretch out and roll onto his back.

Tony blew him a kiss, and he was glad when the other man chuckled before turning back to his writing. Cause otherwise that would've been really awkward. Mr. Pennycrumb was unfairly adorable, and definitely worth a little embarrassment for, if the situation ever called for it. Plus, if the cat's owner had figured out that Tony was checking him out, he might've decided to close his shades, and that would've been a real tragedy.

*

Their first real, face-to-face contact came sometime after three in the morning when the two of them were the only people with both their lights on and their shades open.

Mr. Pennycrumb's owner was the one to initiate it with a note in his window that read, Do you have coffee?

Tony wrote back. Yes.

Can I have some? Everywhere's closed. And it was true. Everywhere was closed, but fuck only knew why. There was a college in this city; surely there was at least one cafe that could turn a profit from running twenty-four hours. There were grocery stores that were still open, but the closest one was two blocks away-- considerably further than across the street, and a lot more of a pain.

In response, Tony wrote down his apartment number. Someone with a cat that cute wouldn't murder him after asking for coffee. If there were two good qualities a person could have, it would be liking coffee and loving their cat. Or maybe it was loving coffee and liking their cat. Either way, it was good combination to have. Not to mention that Tony was infinitely more likely to be kidnapped, not murdered flat out. And the kidnapping type had the same look about them, which Mr. Pennycrumb's owner did not have.

When he saw the man's light go off, he got up to make a new pot of coffee. He still had some in there for himself, so he dumped the rest of it in a spare mug and started a new one. He had a huge ass thermos around here somewhere-- a gift from Jim, and he'd made sure it was big enough for a pot of coffee plus all the cream that Tony liked to add, because Jim was the best gift-giver in the entire world.

As Tony crawled in a cupboard to find it, he wondered why he didn't use it more often. Usually, it was to avoid questions. If people asked him one question, they took it as an invitation for more conversation, which was pretty much the opposite of what Tony wanted when he was carrying around a pot of coffee.

It was only after he unearthed it that he remembered Jim had sort of taken it away for a week when Tony had decided to brew his coffee with an energy drink instead of water. It had tasted like shit, but it had kept him awake enough to keep up with his coursework while also finishing off the designs for the upcoming expo and giving his notes to Howard about the latest prototype. Now that that horrible time had passed though, he should be able to start using it again.

Someone knocked on the door as he was halfway through pouring the coffee into the giant thermos, so he put it down to answer the door. As expected, it was the neighbor-- if neighbor could be used to describe someone that lived in a separate building on the opposite side of the road. He was even more handsome up close, which was a dangerous thing to be noticing in the middle of the night when his self-control was wearing thin. He didn't have much of a filter to begin with, and it only became thinner when he was tired.

"Hey," the possibly-a-neighbor but definitely-the-cute-cat-owner said. "Thanks for this."

"Yeah, no problem. I can't make it a day without coffee." Tony sort of forgot to invite him in, but he turned to go finish pouring the coffee and figured that his sort-of-neighbor would either follow him in or stay in the doorway. Tony would be very tempted to ask him to stay forever if he had remembered to ask him inside in the first place. As he started to pour the remainder of the pot, he heard the door close, and a second later, the guy walked into the kitchen. "I'm Tony, by the way."

"Five. Yes, like the number."

"Your parents weren't very imaginative."

"Actually, I only have one sibling."

"That's even worse."

"I've always thought so," Five said mildly.

"Is there a story there or are they just weird as shit?"

Five snorted. "If they had reasons, they never bothered to share them with me." Then he tilted his head curiously. "Does that thermos fit an entire pot of coffee?"

"Yep."

"That's amazing. Where did you get it?"

"It was a gift, so I don't know."

"Hm, shame."

Tony screwed the lid on and held it out to him.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"I'll try to have it back in a couple days."

"Sure. And if you forget, I can always add it to a sign when I'm asking about Mr. Pennycrumb. How is he anyways?"

"A pain in the ass," Five said, rolling his eyes as they walked to the door. "He was playing with a plastic bag, got his head caught, flipped out, and ended up shredding it over half the apartment."

"And that's why I admire other people's cats from afar instead of getting my own."

"A wise decision," Five said flatly, but with a hint of a smile across his mouth. Tony had the strong urge to kiss him, but he was too far away for Tony to do it as an impulse decision. "See you around."

"Yep, see you."

Having a crush from a distance had been weird and a little creepy of him, but he didn't think the one minute of conversation with Five really justified it. If anything, it made it worse. Jim would probably tell him to be a normal neighbor and not make contact unless they were passing each other on the street-- but then, Jim was also convinced that Tony was going to be murdered horribly in the middle of the night because he hadn't been looking where he was going, so Tony took everything he said with a grain of salt.

*

Tony got back to his apartment one day to find a bag hanging on the door. He peeked inside and saw that it was the thermos he'd loaned Five, so he picked it up and brought it in with him.

He forgot to put it away for a while, so it was almost a week later when he grabbed the thermos to use it and a picture fell out. Curious, Tony reached for it, then he laughed. It was a polaroid of Mr. Pennycrumb. He was sitting up straight, fluffy tail curled around the front of his little feet and looking intensely at the camera-- or, rather, the person holding the camera, but it was the same effect. On the white bottom, Five had written 'Thanks' in sharpie, in all caps like he was an old man.

Tony hung it on the fridge, then went back to putting his bag together for the day.

*

The next contact came when Tony was settling in for the evening, ready to stay up all night writing code, only to realize that he didn't have enough sugar for his coffee to last all night. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, and fuck some more, he was not going to make it through the night unless he had caffeine and sugar. He glanced out the window automatically and saw that Five's light was on, and he was sitting at his desk.

There was no guarantee that he'd look up, but Tony had to try.

Do you have sugar?

Five looked up when he held the sign in front of his window. He reached to the side and wrote, and a moment later, Tony was reading what he'd written. Only if you'll come over here to get it.

Tony nodded vigorously. He could definitely walk over there. No way in hell was he going to ask Five for a favor and then expect for him to walk over to Tony's place.

Five flipped over his paper and wrote his apartment number.

Tony got up, shoved on some shoes, and hurried over. It was a good thing that it was a short walk, because it was kind of cold out, and he hadn't grabbed a jacket.

It was barely five seconds after he knocked that the door opened. "How much sugar do you need?"

"I don't know, maybe a cup?" Tony said. "It's for my coffee."

"You put sugar in your coffee?" Five asked, raising an eyebrow judgmentally.

"You don't?" Tony asked, mirroring his expression. "I guess that's fine, if you want to be miserable."

Five rolled his eyes and walked to the kitchen, pouring sugar from a large bucket to a smaller container. "Is that enough?"

"Yeah, thanks."

Five put the lid on and handed it over. Then, scarcely after Tony had his hands on it, Five put a scrap of paper on top. "That's my number. You can use it the next time you need sugar instead of hoping I look up at the right time."

Tony's heart decided to be a traitorous little bastard and started beating faster, but he hoped it didn't show in his voice when he said, "Cool; I'll do that. Thanks again," he said.

He made it back over to his apartment, saved Five's number in his phone, then sent him a text.

This is Tony, so you have my number too.

He tossed his phone onto the desk and went to pour some sugar in his coffee. On the desk, his phone buzzed with a new message.

Good to know, was all Five said. A minute later, he sent a photo of Mr. Pennycrumb. It was obvious that he'd just taken it, and the cat was glaring at him as it sat atop his laptop keyboard. The King of the universe says hello.

Tell him I love him.

And have it go to his head? But your message has been passed on.

*

Things continued in that vein for a while. Five would send him pictures of Mr. Pennycrumb in various poses-- Tony's favorite was the one where the cat had climbed into the filled bathtub and then squalled about it like it was Five's fault-- and in return, Tony would gush about how cute Mr. Pennycrumb was.

After a couple weeks of that, they started complaining about their class work, which rapidly turned into helping each other. It's not that either of them was stupid or refused to do their own work, but Five's grasp of physics was much better than Tony's (to say nothing of his understanding of chaos theory), and in return, Tony helped him with the finer points of chemistry.

And since they were helping each other with work, they might as well meet in person rather than halting texts back and forth whenever they remembered to check their phone. Tony didn't think anything of it until it was leading up to the end of the semester and he went to Five's favorite coffee shop to buy him a cup before he headed over-- instead of just letting him brew coffee like normal. Since when did Tony go out of his way to do something nice? The answer used to be: hardly ever. Now, it looked like the answer was: for about three weeks. Because he'd been doing things to try and be nice to Five for a while, even if it inconvenienced him.

With his usual tact, Tony knocked on the door and as soon as Five answered, he asked, "Are we dating?"

"We won't be if you don't hand over the coffee," Five said, his eyes going straight to the cup with laser focus.

Tony handed it over.

Five took a sip, savored it, then brushed a kiss over Tony's cheek. "Come on, I ordered your shitty pizza, and it's useless if it goes cold."

Tony walked in, closing the door behind him. Well, the kiss answered that question. Or maybe it was the way that Five had answered his question. Either way, Tony now had a boyfriend, and that was wonderful. "It makes a wonderful snack four hours into studying," Tony argued. He knew this for a fact after a dozen times of doing it. "You can shove it in your mouth without tasting it, and you don't have to wait for something to be delivered."

"Congratulations," Five said flatly. "I'm not trying it."

"Fine, suffer then." 

[ad1thi]

broken pieces (you and me) fit together perfectly | AU-gust Day 5: Post Apocalyptic AU

AU-gust masterlist

i think this is my biggest fill yet, and i actually had so much fun writing this so please give it some love!!

//

Adjusting to life in Wakanda isn't easy. For one thing, everywhere is a constant reminder of what they faced, what they lost. As a country, Wakanda is not terribly big, its not large and looming and filled with large stretches of land the way the US was. There is no car for Sam to get into, no expanse of road that he can lose himself in.

There is just here, and nothing else.

It hadn't take him and Jim long to make it back to the others, one of his arms slung around Jim's shoulders while the other pressed against the wound in his abdomen in some attempt to stop the bleeding. The minute he got back though, he knew.

He didn't know how, or why, or even when. But he knew. Steve was dead.

He doesn't remember how he reacted, the entire thing is a huge blank in his mind. A week after he found out, Jim visits him in the med bay, and tells him in soft, halting tones, how Sam crumpled to the ground - screaming, and how none of them could do anything. Not Natasha, not Bruce, not even Jim.

He listens with a blank tone, and then turns on his side, mindful of all the tubes stuck inside him. Jim hovers around his head, but eventually lets himself out, leaving Sam alone to his thoughts.

All said and done, it takes him an embarrassingly long amount of time to realise that he's not the only one grieving. It feels like something that should be obvious, because Thanos killed half the universe, because the only news that's being reported these days is of the climbing death rate, because the tragedy is impossible to escape, even in his own mind.

Yet somehow, Sam doesn't realise until almost two weeks after he's been released from Medical that Jim is grieving too. It's almost humiliating, the way he finds out.

He's on his way to the kitchen, because Princess Shuri has graciously given them use of the East Wing of the Palace even though he's certain that everytime she looks at them, she thinks about the brother they've taken from her - the brother she lost because they brought war to her doorsteps; when he hears Jim and Natasha's voices.

"Anything?" Natasha asks, and there's a tinge of panic in her voice that makes Sam pause, "You haven't heard anything at all?"

"Pepper's been trying him for days," Jim says in a resigned voice, but Sam's been a therapist long enough to detect the undercurrent of despair, "Says she lost all contact with him after he boarded the donut. There's nothing -"

Jim's voice cracks, and Sam wants to reach out and hold him. Dimly, he's aware that he should probably examine those feelings closer but Jim's started talking again so he refocuses his attention on the conversation, "..doesn't die. I got so used to him not dying Nat. I don't, I don't know what it means that we haven't heard from him. Part of me wants to hold on, because this is Tony we're talking about he -"

"beats all the odds," Natasha finishes, and there's a rustle of movement, where Sam imagines that she's reaching out and holding his hand. It stirs something ugly inside of him. "He beats all the odds, and you want to believe that he's beaten these ones too."

"Thing is though," Jim says in a dry voice, "Even if he somehow survived space again, I have no way of knowing if he survived the Snap. Thanos didn't just kill half the population on Earth, he killed half the population everywhere. Who's to say that Tony didn't die somewhere on some godforsaken planet, all alone."

Jim makes a chocking sound then, and Sam realises with rapidly growing horror that he's crying. Without quite thinking it through, his feet start moving of their own accord, and when he enters the room, Jim's head is nestled in the crook of Natasha's shoulders.

Natasha looks up when he enters, and her eyes are wet with unshed tears. She mimes keeping quiet in her left hand, her right hand running down Jim's back in soothing motions; and Sam feels like an outsider looking in on their friendship.

He doesn't know what to say, so he says nothing, simply grabbing something from the fridge and walking out. As he's leaving, he can feel Natasha's eyes bore holes into his back, but he doesn't turn around.

/

Staying in Wakanda gets easier, over time. Sam isn't foolish enough to say that it hurts less, or that he gets used to how he can cover the entire country in a couple of days, but it gets more familiar - starts to feel like some semblance of home.

Jim is a huge part of that.

Once he got his head out of his ass and recognised that Jim had lost his bestfriend the same way Sam had, they started developing, something. Sam doesn't want to label, wouldn't even know what to call it even if he tried - but he's been down this road long enough to recognise familiar haunts.

He’d always been friendly with Jim, since they both joined up to the Avengers roster at the same time, post – Ultron. Steve was caught between missing Tony and furiously throwing himself into saving Barnes - and Sam, Jim and Natasha formed this unlikely but solid bond.

That’s nothing compared to what they have now: quiet conversations in dimly lit rooms in the middle of the nights, cryptic touches in the blearing light of day, comfort under covers that they never talk about again.

Sam has spent so much time being the person that people went to for help, that he’s almost forgotten how to ask for it.

Jim changes that.

“Can’t sleep?” he lifts up his head from where he’s absently blowing at his coffee to see Jim leaning against the doorframe, clad in worn out sweats and an MIT tshirt and stretches around his chest and rises up around his waist; revealing a sliver of finely toned muscle and the hint of defined hips.

Sam firmly tamps down the want that’s growing inside him.

“Me neither,” Jim continues, even though Sam hasn’t spoken, “I don’t think any of us are getting much sleep anymore.”

“Might have something to do with the fact that your clothes don’t fit you,” Sam says, in lieu of an actual response. He doesn’t feel like digging deep and exposing himself.

Jim looks down at his tee like he didn’t even realise that he was wearing it, and when he replies, his voice is thick with an emotion that Sam recognises intimately, “It’s Tony’s. Must’ve got mixed up in the wash.”

Tony isn’t in Wakanda, nor is his laundry, but Sam doesn’t call him out on it. He simply reaches out and pats on the seat next to him, and when Jim sits down – knocks their shoulders together.

Jim leans into the touch briefly, and Sam suddenly remembers how tactile Tony used to be, during the few times he would visit the Compound. He wonders how long it’s been since someone has touched Jim like that.

“I hear that Wakanda has crazy infomercials,” he says, before he does something stupid like offer to cuddle Jim, “want to see what’s on?”

Rhodey looks down at his coffee mug, and then up at Sam with an expression that Sam doesn’t want to touch.

“Sure,” he says eventually, “how bad can it be?”

It’s bad. Even worse that the infomercials that Sam remembers from his first year back on American soil, but he doesn’t watch much of it – because he spends most of the night watching Jim’s face; and resolutely ignoring the growing warmth inside his heart.

It becomes somewhat of a routine between them. Not in the regular, let me pencil you into my diary way, but more in the organic way. One of them will be stewing in silence, and the other will enter; and invariably they'll end up on the couch surfing channels.

Princess Shuri offers to get them access to american cable, but they both decline. Neither of them are ready for that yet.

Some nights Natasha joins them. Others, Bruce. Somewhere along the way, the kitchen gets stocked with popcorn and chips and crisps, and the fridge is filled with cans of various drinks.

Most of the time though, its just him and Jim.

As much and Sam loves Bruce and Natasha, these are the nights he likes the most.

It's on one of these nights that Sam finally decides to make his move. He's resting on Jim's shoulder, because they've long since foregone the illusion of space and personal space, and Jim's hand is lightly tracing patterns from where it's resting on Sam's hip.

Someone is selling a spoon that doesn't spill it's contents no matter which way you twist it on the screen, and Sam twists so that he can look up at Jim. Jim looks back at him instantly, and softly, slowly - telegraphing his every move, Sam leans up to cover the last few inches and bring their lips together.

There are no fireworks, there's no sudden and huge realisation.

Jim kisses him back instantly, the hand on his waist tightening. The kiss is sweet and chaste, and when Sam pulls back, he smiles.

Jim smiles back, and Sam thinks to himself that nothing is going to fix what Thanos broke - but maybe he isn't as broken as he thought after all.

Fin

[purplezebraproductions]

The Alters: Chapter 4

The Alters is an original romance story I’ve been writing for the past year. Please enjoy Chapter 4!

The Quiet

CW: Discussions of war, mental illness, and death.

There was a wall, both a physical and non-physical, between all three men currently inhabiting The Infinity. For the past two days Creed had made himself scarce. Always in and out of any room just as the other two arrived. He was still hurting over something that the third man couldn’t understand. He knew Dinn and Creed had some fight, but neither was willing to say what it was about. Dinn had tried incessantly the first day to follow Creed and try to talk to him. But Creed never made any motion signifying that he was listening. He was acting very standoffish and distant from both men, which the stranger simply found unfair. He wanted to get to know this Creed better, and he was being ignored just because he shared the same face as someone who hurt him. Dinn was also partaking in the silent treatment with the stranger. He would refuse to leave the room if both men were present, and instead chose to sneer and glare at the stranger until the tension became too much and the men dispersed. How shameful. To be so angry at a man he doesn’t know.

But then again, the man doesn’t know Dinn either.

The stranger had started to become accustomed to the powers of The Infinity. Creating any entity he desired had its perks, but it also had its drawbacks. The first day the man found himself merely opening the fridge and grabbing any meal he could imagine that was hot and ready inside. But, without the time out of the day taken to prepare it he became bored quickly. He could read any book but was overwhelmed with choices and so chose not to. He could create any plant but found that the ones he made were not nearly as beautiful as the ones Creed left behind. Somehow, he made a plain white surface twirl so intricately. He found he could have anything he desired, but realized he truly didn’t desire much.

Well, all except for one thing.

The man stood at Creed’s door; clenching and unclenching his hands in order to steady his nerves. All he wanted to do was talk! There would be no physical contact, no deeply revealing stories, no atonement for sins long since past. He just wanted to talk. And so, he knocked and waited.

There was no movement. Not a single sound came from the other side of the door. Nothing to signify that Creed had even heard the knock, let alone that he was moving to open the door. Not so easily beaten he knocked again.

“You’re wasting your time.”

A sudden voice spoke up from behind the man. Turning around the man was none too pleased to find Dinn standing there with his arms crossed.

“He’s not going to answer.”

He said matter of factly. The man glowered.

“I just want to talk.”

He said through gritted teeth. Dinn chuckled.

“You sure you just don’t want to swoop in and be his hero?”

He mocked.

“Maybe, that’s what we should call you! Hero! So far up your own ass you can’t see that nobody wants you here!”

He said, his anger boiling to the surface. This Dinn was so easily angered, and the man couldn’t understand why. To be fair, Creed was easily distressed, but he chalked that up to some tragedy he must’ve faced. Nothing like what the man had gone through.

“Or maybe I’ll listen to Creed and just call you Fallen! A fallen hero, so mesmerized by his own rise to stardom he didn’t see how quickly his world abandoned him and couldn’t care less about where he went!”

Dinn was now almost giddy at his own words. His mockery reaching new heights that the man had not heard before. He scoffed.

“Does it make you happy to taunt me? Is that what little joy you can gleam from our situation?”

Dinn’s face almost instantly fell at the man’s backtalk. Immediately reverting back to his primal angry state.

“Maybe you should listen to Creed and learn something.”

The man said, careful as to not push this Dinn too far to where he’d retaliate in full force. Luckily Dinn simply shook his head and with a growl and a flicker of the lights, he stomped off in the other direction. He knew he had nothing to respond with. He knew nothing about this man and couldn’t read him the way Creed did. He was useless when it came to his emotions.

With a shaky breath the man resumed his position in front of the door. He didn’t need this Dinn distracting him from his ultimate mission; talking to Creed. With another calming breath he once again knocked on the door.

“Creed? It’s me, the…other Dinn.”

This time the man did hear something. A very slow shifting of cloth within the room. Was he leaving his bed? Or getting dressed? Or was that simply the sound of movement? With Creed’s heavy jacket that dragged on the floor he didn’t doubt the last one’s possibility. But as he stood there wondering, the handle to the door began to move.

The man hadn’t seen Creed clearly in a couple of days, but still he was shocked to see the man who stood before him looking more distressed than usual. He hadn’t been sleeping well, what with the bags underneath his eyes and his wrinkled clothes and messy hair.

Creed didn’t say anything when he opened the door, he simply looked up at the stranger as if willing him to say something first.

“Hey, it’s been a while.”

Stupid, he knew, but it was less distressing than “what happened to you?!”

“What did he call you?”

Creed whispered. The man hadn’t been expecting Creed to talk so suddenly so he wasn’t prepared to listen. And with Creed only whispering his words he couldn’t tell what he said.

“Pardon?”

“What did he call you?”

He said a touch louder this time. The man thought for a second. Dinn had called him two things: “Hero” and “Fallen.” Both in a viciously mocking tone, but the man couldn’t say he was wholly against the nicknames entirely. He didn’t want to be forever known as a stranger or “the other Dinn.” Hero was much to on the nose for him. He didn’t consider himself a hero in the slightest. Quite the contrary, he was a failure. Failing to protect the people he loved or create a life for himself after tragedy. No, he was a fallen man, desperate to get back up.

“Fallen.”

He said. Creed eyed him up and down with a questioning gaze. One that almost unnerved the man.

“Do you like that name?”

He asked incredulously. The man thought for a moment. He supposed he didn’t mind the name, but to say he liked any name other than his own would be strange. He was Dinn, just not the right Dinn. He shrugged.

“I like it if you like it.”

He said trying to be as non-threatening as possible, however this had the opposite effect. Creed’s expression immediately soured, and he moved to slam the door in the stranger’s face. Quickly realizing his mistake the man quickly moved to block the door with his foot and hands.

“Wait! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that!”

Creed had clearly already felt suffocated by the older man’s desire to please him, so of course he’d despise that response. How could he be so ignorant to that?

“I just meant that I don’t have a preference!”

Creed simply stared back at him with a challenging gaze.

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I do prefer my own name, but I know we can’t have two Dinn’s running around. That would just be confusing!”

The man said chuckling lightly to himself, just trying to lighten the mood. After a moment Creed sighed and resigned himself to open the door just a bit wider.

“Whatever.”

He said with a flippant wave of his hand as he walked back into his room. Fallen stood there for a moment, not knowing if this was an invitation or if Creed still expected him to leave. Cautiously he moved to step inside.

Creed’s room was rather odd. It was just as barren as all the rest, but the walls were drastically different. There were small divets and creases pressed into the wall as if it was some sort of stencil. Small bits jutted outwards as if they were coming towards you. The whole room felt dizzying, as if the walls were constantly moving and shifting while staying completely still. Still, Fallen persevered.

“Is there something you wanted to talk about?”

Creed’s voice took Fallen out of his thoughts. He sat casually at the head of his bed with his feet crossed in front of him. Fallen stepped closer, hesitating when faced with the fact that there was nowhere else to sit. With a bit of hesitation, he sat at the end of the bed, and luckily Creed made no motion of wanting him to leave.

“Not really, I just wanted to talk.”

He said, hands in the air as if surrendering.

“Tell me a little bit about yourself.”

Fallen asked a bit cheerier. He really just wanted to get to know this Creed, even if it would take him a year. However, Creed faltered at Fallen’s words. His mouth open and closed as if he wanted respond but didn’t know how. Did he just not know where to start, or did he not trust Fallen with his life? Either way, maybe it’s best if Fallen started first. With a deep breath Fallen began.

“I actually used to live in a small cottage if you could believe it. It was always nice and quiet, though not as quiet as this place.”

Fallen said gesturing broadly.

“You used to?”

There it was! So, this Creed felt more at ease pushing others to talk about themselves but faltered when the tables were turned. Fallen smiled at his discovery.

“Yeah, I guess after…my Creed passed…it just didn’t feel right.”

It was the truth, but God was it still so hard to talk about.

“I suppose the quiet would be too much to bear after that…”

Creed responded solemnly.

“Do you live in the city too?”

“Heavens no!”

Creed immediately snapped up at the question, as if the thought of him living in the city was so grossly absurd to him. Fallen liked this more open Creed; but unfortunately, as soon as he appeared, he vanished. Almost embarrassed by his outburst Creed once again sunk back into himself and spoke quietly.

“It’s far too loud and busy for me. I prefer the quiet.”

Saddened by the departure of Creed’s openness, Fallen was determined to bring him back.

“Somehow I think that fits.”

An awkward silence followed. Both men felt like they wanted to continue the conversation, but just didn’t know where to go from here. With a slight clearing of his throat Fallen chose to continue, as much of a failure as small talk may be.

“Question. Do you have these things known as Malmals in your world?”

Creed eyed Fallen oddly, his face blanketed by confusion. Fallen had to chuckle at it.

“Pardon?”

“Malmals! Y’know those round little chocolate malt balls that come in those clear plastic bags!”

Creed still eyed the man warily, and while shaking his head, he responded.

“You mean Maltzens?”

Fallen laughed.

“So, we do come from alternate worlds! They’re similar just a little…off”

Fallen emphasized his statement by crossing his eyes and shaking his head, as if the thought of the different yet similar worlds was just something to laugh about. Creed still looked at him with wide-eyed confusion, as if he couldn’t imagine just having a normal conversation with someone. As if everything he spoke about in The Infinity needed to be deeply troubling. But, finally, with an astonished gasp, Creed began to chuckle lightly.

“You do not call them Malmals! It sounds like you’re talking to your mother!”

His laugh, though small, sounded easy but strange. It was not his Creed’s laugh, but it was similar if a bit foreign. He was quiet. Much quieter than his Creed. Still, Fallen chose to laugh alongside the thinner man, happy to have finally broken through an albeit small opening.

“Swear! But if you called your mother Malmal in my world, you’d be slapped upside the head!”

“Really? I thought mothers would like being referred to by something sweet. It’s not like you called her a Prunnie.”

“What the fuck are those?”

“Dried dates.”

At this Fallen roared with laughter at the thought of anyone calling his mother after an old wrinkled dried fruit. That woman was 200 lbs. of brawn, and she wouldn’t let you forget it.

“Your head would be speared on a pike and put in the garden for decoration!”

Both men took a moment to laugh at the rather visceral image, but soon things began to quiet down again, and this time Creed broke the silence.

“How is your family? Do they know you’re here?”

With that their moods settled into something a bit more serious, but lighter than their former grief.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

It’s not that Fallen didn’t want to talk about his family, it’s that he wondered if he still had one. Especially after the stunts he pulled. To his surprise Creed merely shook his head.

“Don’t got one.”

“You don’t have a family?”

Fallen was bewildered at the thought. Everyone had a family! Even if they were now estranged everyone had to have had a mother and father, right? Creed shook his head again.

“Nope. Got drafted right out of the orphanage. I didn’t mind, it’s not like anyone was waiting for me. I guess you could say the soldiers were more my family than anyone, even if I don’t remember some of their names.”

Fallen was flabbergasted. Out of all the things he could imagine about Creed’s life, this was not one of them.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Creed looked up at Fallen, his face neutral.

“Why? It’s not like it means much to me to have a family.”

“But surely you miss that connection?”

Creed shook his head.

“Can’t really miss what you’ve never had.”

Fallen studied Creed for a moment, as if he was looking for evidence of a lie. Evidence that Creed was actually burdened by the loss of a family and just didn’t want to speak about it. But to his surprise he found nothing. The absence of a family seemed to be something that Creed was at peace with. Above all else, his ex, the war, his fallen comrades, it was the lack of a family that Creed had no trouble with. Internally Fallen smiled at the thought. Something he found devastating was like nothing to Creed, and he was happy that the other man wasn’t burdened with such a loss.

“My family was a wild bunch. It was just me, my mom, my two sisters, and my one brother. I don’t think we ever stopped annoying each other, even as adults.”

Creed chuckled.

“Surely you must grow out of that eventually, right?”

Fallen laughed heartily at the confused man.

“No, you just kinda find new ways to get on each other’s nerves!”

Both men laughed as Fallen spoke of his siblings.

“But, as angry as you are with each other, if they need you, you stay with them.”

Fallen had meant this in a light jest, but he still felt troubled. It was true that his family had been there for each other for a long time, but in recent years those ties had weakened considerably. Looking back at Creed Fallen could see that his change did not go unnoticed by the other man. He honestly didn’t expect it to, seeing as how this Creed had shown how emotionally aware he was of others. Would he dare to ask more?

“Tanin and I were like that sometimes—Tanin is another soldier I shared a bunk with.”

So, he wouldn’t ask further? So, if Fallen didn’t present the information himself, he’d never know.

The two men sat there for what could’ve been hours. Chatting casually about everything and nothing. Finding little discrepancies in each of their worlds and shockingly some small similarities. Fallen had come here in an effort to get to know the other man, trying to convince himself that this Creed meant nothing to him. Nothing more than a man meant to lead him to his “one true love.” But the more they spoke, the farther he fell.

And falling was the only thing he knew how to do.

_______________________________________________________________

It had been a while since Creed allowed himself a bit of respite in the kitchen. He found preparing food a bit relaxing rather than just eating it. He’d just been taking prepared food to his room for the past few days in an effort to keep hidden from the others. He knew he could just wish for food in his room, but something about the thought of that churned his stomach. As if doing so would solidify the fact that he’s becoming too comfortable in The Infinity. So there he stood at the kitchen counter, chopping away at a few vegetables, and relishing in the silence it brought.

However, just a moment later Creed heard some footsteps approaching from behind him. He didn’t know if it was Fallen or Dinn as he refused to tear his eyes away from his work. If it was Fallen, he may just grab something from the fridge and leave or start up a basic conversation. But if it was Dinn…well he was unsure of what Dinn would do. Creed heard the fridge open and close so he thought it just might be Fallen appearing for a quick bite. But then a tray of potatoes and a peeler were placed next to him on the counter and looking over he could see that it was in fact, Dinn.

Creed steadied his nerves for the onslaught of meaningless words that was about to come. But, surprisingly, Dinn was mercifully quiet. For a minute he just stood there peeling potatoes as if Creed wasn’t standing next to him at all. Creed could tell he was gearing up to say something, but he wasn’t sure what. Perhaps he chose potatoes because they took a while to prep, and he needed time to think. Creed liked the thought of that more than the bombardment he’d been faced with in the day’s past.

And then Dinn broke the silence.

“I’m sorry.”

He’d already said this numerous times before and Creed just didn’t know if he meant what he said, or if he just thought it was the “right” thing to do after an argument. Still, Dinn continued.

“I’m sorry, for what I said…. That I said…you deserved to die…. I didn’t mean…I would…never…”

Dinn was speaking painfully slowly. Trying to choose his words carefully in an effort to just say what he meant rather than go around in circles with his thoughts. At the very least he finally acknowledged what he’d said that upset Creed. He supposed that was a step in the right direction.

“Fuck.”

Dinn sighed heavily.

“I would like to say I’d never say something like that, but I did. But I didn’t mean it! At least…I don’t think you deserved to die…I only said it to hurt you at the time…. Which is no better I know…in fact it may just be worse…”

Dinn quietly cursed at himself again. He was still talking in circles, but now at least he was getting to the roots of his thoughts.

Creed knew Dinn was never great at communication, and his anger problems simply bolstered that, but there was something else about him that Creed couldn’t shake. And it might be that Dinn just didn’t want to admit he could do terrible things. Every apology he put forth was counteracted with “but I didn’t mean it,” “it’s not a big deal,” “I’m not that kind of person,” etc. Creed used to think these were substantial apologies, but not anymore.

“Dinn.”

Dinn immediately stopped peeling and looked up at Creed. It seemed, at least, if he was willing to talk Dinn would listen.

“What you said to me was bad…it is bad.”

It was Creed’s turn to choose his words carefully. He didn’t want to explode with emotion and potentially cause another fight. He just needed Dinn to know exactly how what he did affected him.

“It hurt me in the worse way possible…because…back just after Donyun…. passed, you left me.”

Creed found it difficult to speak his fallen friends name, but he needed to say what was on his mind. He needed Dinn to know the turmoil that went through him in the past few days.

“You left me surrounded by men who were sure that I was a traitor…without a word you just abandoned me in that camp…I never knew how you felt about what happened. If you were…if you believed me or not…. So, when you said that during our argument…it confirmed in my mind that you had branded me as a traitor. Just as everyone else did…And that confirmation was too much for me to handle.”

Creed felt as if his mouth had gone completely dry, his tongue turned to lead, and he almost felt a bit dizzy. He needed to speak his thoughts clearly for Dinn to understand. However, admitting to not only the past few days, but so many years of turmoil and doubt about whether or not Dinn had despised him for what happened was devastating in his mind. He’d harbored so much fear, guilt, and doubt over what Dinn’s thoughts were about the massacre for years, and now it was all out in the open. He felt vulnerable for the first time in a long time, and the feeling was nauseating.

Dinn seemed to take a moment before responding.

“Creed, back then, I didn’t know what to think. Not because of you, but because of the other guys. They were so intent on their own thoughts and feelings that I couldn’t even get a word in edgewise. After losing so many men, everyone was devastated. And a lot of the devastation just turned into anger. And I…I…did leave you, because I just couldn’t come to terms with my own feelings.”

With a bitter chuckle he continued.

“Saying it now, I can see how fucked up that is. I left you because of my own comfort…I didn’t consider yours.”

The two men finally looked over at each other, Dinn sincere but Creed shocked. Creed had never heard Dinn speak so openly, let alone that he admitted he did something wrong. Something he couldn’t make excuses for.

“I’m sorry.”

In the midst of a tense moment Creed chose to laugh. He’d been pinning Dinn as the one who was terrible at communication, and he was, but that didn’t mean Creed was better by proxy. He too was so concerned for his own comfort that he refused to talk about any events where he felt wronged by Dinn. So, he laughed.

“Thank you for being honest with me. I can’t say I suddenly know how to feel about our situation, but thank you for your apology.”

There was a relative quiet after the two men spoke, but unlike last time, there was no oppressive tension in the air. Having spoken about their grief, their shame, made both men a little bit lighter. Sure, there would have to be more to talk about if they were to continue living like this in The Infinity; but for the time being they relished in the initial weight being lifted from their shoulders.

_______________________________________________________________

Fallen had been watching the two men from just beyond the doorway to the kitchen. He didn’t want to eavesdrop, but he just needed to know. He needed to know what their fight was about, what they’d said, what they’d done! He couldn’t bear being left out when there were only three of them present. It would drive him mad knowing that the only two other people in his world were hiding secrets from him. But upon hearing their apologies he was even more confused!

What was this about the other soldiers? Abandonment? Had Dinn really told Creed he should die? And how could Creed just shrug it off the way he did?

From their last talk Fallen had begun to think that him and Creed started knowing each other a bit better. At least, on a more personal level as opposed to what they had before. He’d been told stories of old friends. The ridiculous things they used to do when they weren’t on duty. His desire to see a new world bloom from the ashes of the old. And in turn he’d told Creed so much about his family. About the way his brother became some sort of vegetable growing prodigy. How his sisters were the ones who insisted he start dating shortly after his first job. How his mother was a tornado of a woman that no one could talk back to. But hearing all this about the two men’s past solidified how much he still needed to understand.

And he will understand!

He already devoted his time here to helping Creed be happy again and to do that he needed to know what was holding him back. What was it that was causing him so much pain? So, even if he had to sneak around to find out those secrets, he would.

And as much as he already didn’t like Dinn, he was pleased to see at least one thing that Dinn said made Creed happy. If only for a brief moment. Seeing that face alight, even if it was with a bitter laugh was something he could get used to. It was nothing like the harmonious tune of his laugh when they were joking, but it would do just fine.

Stepping away from the two as they fell into a more peaceful silence, Fallen thought back to his late partner. His Creed. Looking at this Creed, he did feel a growing attraction and chemistry between them, but he would forever be known as “this Creed.” His Creed, the one he lost all those years ago because of some illness that ravaged their small town, would always be his true love. He didn’t know if he could ever let that go, or if he even wanted to. He wanted to feel love again, but he needed whoever he loved to be fine with his grief over his Creed. That was only fair, right? He didn’t ask to be thrown into this world and told to look for a new partner. If it was up to him, he’d still be home in a drunken stupor waiting for the day he’d get to see his Creed again. Hopeful that they’d find happiness in some beautiful afterlife together.

Back home, where he was so ungodly bitterly alone.

[diaryofanangryasianguy]

I hate how much people are focusing on the fact that one cop is Asian, and are using that as a reason to put down Asian Americans. Has any of them ever considered that the issue is larger than the “Asian Americans are racist” bs argument? Like maybe have they considered that America is basically a police state and THAT is the issue here and NOT the race of the officer??? It just goes to show how often Asian Americans are scapegoated for the problems caused by WHITE people.

Same.

And let me give a little more context to this. From my experience, Asian people are the only minority group that will shit on each other, fight each other, and distance themselves from their own communities just to prove that they’re an ally to other folks, especially to the Black community. No other minority group that I have seen goes to the lengths that Asian people will go just to prove how much they care and how hard they’ll go for someone else.

But whenever incidents like these happen, everybody gets reduced to the “all Asians are racist” stereotype. That’s one of the reasons why the photo of the Asian cop is getting shared so much just to paint that racist narrative. There’s a racially charged motive behind it. Like we see that shit, we ain’t blind bro. The issue though is that the Asian cop (he’s Hmong) doesn’t represent any Asian communities, not even Hmong communities. A cop represents the law enforcement community and police brutality regardless of what race they are. And as such, all four cops involved (including the Asian cop who didn’t do anything to help George Floyd) should be charged with murder.

Maybe it’s just me but I find it so stupid that whenever someone does something horrible that happens to be Asian, we all gotta answer for it. But whenever someone does something bad to an Asian person, nobody has to take any blame for it, not even the damn perpetrator themselves. Again, this is part of how much Asian people will not only shit on themselves to prove how much they care about others but they will barely even hold their own racist attackers accountable. That’s how damn FORGIVING we are and I fucking hate it.

But to lower my anger for a bit, my family and I are half Hmong and we were talking about this tragedy and we’re def saddened by what happened to George Floyd. Nobody deserves that, especially not an innocent Black man. It’s horrible and what’s even more horrible is that every one of those cops are safe in their homes right now and they’re talking about how they’re gonna “investigate” the case. There’s no need for any damn investigating, the video literally caught all the murderers right there. The great “land of the free” is the only place where you can literally film a live murder and these people will still try to deny it, especially if the victim is Black. They also said he died from “medical distress” or something?? Like bitch, this man was MURDERED in broad daylight in front of everybody.

Now to reheighten my anger, I’m not here to argue about no fucking Asian cop or any other racist shit non Asians and self-hating Asians be trying to say about this whole thing. All I know is an innocent Black man is gone and four murderers need to be charged. If you’ve read up to this point, take in what I’ve had to say or don’t idc. As someone who is both Asian and half Hmong, I ain’t here to argue about everything or take responsibility or shit on my own folks or none of that lame ass bullshit to satisfy your racism or self-hate. Just shut the fuck up and listen (or don’t) and leave us alone.

Angry Asian Guy

[ardania22]

A while back, I made a post about the whole T Series vs Pewdiepie thing where I knocked both sides of the debate for dumb arguments. Specifically, I said that it was stupid to call Pewdiepie a Nazi or alt-right, considering how much good he was doing in his community. Yes, he was far from perfect, but I genuinely felt like it was far too short-sighted to “cancel” him.

Now, I’m not so sure.

There’s no easy way to talk about what happened in New Zealand yesterday. The whole attack is bound up in so much hate and vileness that anywhere you strike at it, you’re gonna burst a pustule and send black bile squirting everywhere. I’ve felt really shitty ever since I heard about it, in a way I don’t usually feel about these kinds of tragedies. Something about this one really just hurts. And I understand the desire to want to cast it out of mind, to place the blame back within our comfort zone, to say that it was just a “disturbed individual” whose actions aren’t representative of anything greater.

But we all know that’s a fucking lie.

The internet is a place where ideologies ferment and curdle into their worst possible conditions. It’s a noxious, nebulous web of tangled influences all feeding into each other, assisted by garbage algorithms that prioritize controversy and clicks over any semblance of justice or morality- especially on Youtube. The neo-Nazi community thrives there, and it drives people further and further down the path of bigotry and hatred. This attack was racism. It was white supremacy. It was Nazism. It was Islamophobia. And that kind of hatred doesn’t come from nowhere. It has to be learned, over countless hours and countless sources until no one cause can be pinpointed, but everyone ends up sharing the blame. Even if they didn’t want to, or realize that’s what they were doing.

I firmly believe that Pewdiepie is as horrified by this attack as he claims. I firmly believe he’s not a neo-Nazi, or alt-right, or anything of the sort. But I also know he’s made a handful of comments removed from those ideologies only by virtue of technicality. I also know he’s boosted and legitimized Ben Shapiro, an Islamophobic piece of shit who has stoked fear about Muslim communities countless times in the past. I also know he’s shouted out channels awash in reactionary content without bothering to consider the ramifications of that. And I also know that there are countless kids and teenagers in his audience who are getting exposed to these ideas through him. He is their role model. He is the first step, for many of them, in making this shit okay. Because if the most subscribed guy on Youtube is telling them Ben Shapiro is a cool dude, AND that the media is biased and doesn’t like him and shouldn’t be trusted... well, where do you think that leads?

Pewdiepie is one of the most influential people in the internet. He has power the likes of which none of us will likely ever see. And with that power comes incredible responsibility. He can’t just make an ass of himself like he used to in the past, when he was just starting out, and expect no consequences; his voice matters. His voice can push people. And the fact of the matter is this: it doesn’t matter whether he’s “intending” or not to boost alt-right voices and talking points. Because he IS. Intention means nothing when the outcome is clear. The alt-right has embraced him. They use him as a rallying point. People are exposed to those ideas through him. He is not the only cause of this hatred, not by a long shot. But he is part of the problem, whether he wants to be or not. And that matters.

And I know that Pewdiepie despises this hatred. I know he’s horrified at the attack that was carried out in his name. So if there’s even the slightest chance of this message ever reaching him, allow me to say this: you have done so much good for so many people. I know you didn’t ask for Nazis to be rallying around you. But they are all the same. And how you react to that going forward matters. You have the chance, right now, to completely purge every single bit of strength these shit-stained excuses for people draw from you. Shut them down. Speak out against them. Raise money for causes that rebuke them. Stop making jokes that speak to them. Stop giving platforms and exposure to the voices that radicalize them. You have become an unwitting first stop for many on the pathway to bigotry, and you have the power to change that. You have the power to make this internet a better, more loving, more accepting, less hateful place.

And more than that- you have the responsibility to do so.

There’s a lot of anger and a lot of sorrow in the air right now. Let’s all try to be a little more loving, and a little less accepting of those trying to divide us. Islam is valid. You are valid. You are all loved. Let’s all pray for a brighter sun to rise tomorrow.

[agustdomain]

Now You’re One Of Us {FINAL}

Synopsis: When tensions are high and problems unsolved, friendships are on the line. When those issues are brought to the surface, are connections severed beyond repair? Or is it possible to find it in yourself to stay behind, fix what’s been broken, and find the light on the other side? Now you’re one of us, a blessing and a burden.  

Word Count: 18.8k words 

Genre: Angst, sliceoflifeau!, broken friendships, hidden relationship

Warnings: Language, Fighting (verbal, not physical)

Member(s): Hoseok, ft. maknae line, Ryujin & Chaeyeon. Mentions of other characters.

Author’s Note: This is the final part, folks. Thank you to those who have shared their thoughts and love for the work. It really means the world to me that you decided on reading it. Means more than I can convey. Reminder: if you’re looking for the romance to be the main focus, this work isn’t for you. If you don’t care, then enjoy the ride. Thank you again, everyone. Can’t express the love I have for what I do and for my writing.

Inspirations: There were many songs that inspired me while writing. If I had to pick two, it’s We Are Young, Fun ft. Janelle Monae and Dreams Tonite, Alvvays.

Here’s PART ONE if you haven’t read it. Without further ado...

One by one, everyone trickled back in the living room. Y/N’s heart sighed when she caught sight of Hoseok walk back in, Taehyung in tow. Her love’s face was serious, maybe a little tired, but his eyes were determined as he gave her a slight nod. As always, he knew what to say to comfort someone. Magic.

No, not magic. It was strictly him. Magic minimized the strength and power of Hoseok’s influence.

Taehyung was quiet when he rejoined the group. If he had cried, it couldn’t be seen by the eye. Y/N recalled once in the past when he had gotten upset, he had said he didn’t like crying in front of his loved ones. He said it hurt him to hurt the people he loved. 

Ryujin was just as stormy, but little by little she was beginning to talk again. Jungkook would make snide comments here and there but after Jimin gave him a slug in the arm, he mostly stopped. 

What was magic was how the situation seemed to diffuse itself on its own. With the slight time that had passed, the vibe was transformed into a semblance of normalcy. And it did a good job at fooling Y/N into security.

When Chaeyeon suggested playing a game, there wasn’t any refusal this time around- only some reluctant agreements. After a slight discussion, they all settled on charades. Y/N beamed when Taehyung leaned over to her and muttered, “Never fails. We’re geniuses. It’s the closest game to Hedbanz.” With those words, she knew he was returning to his earlier state.

The game started smoothly. It was a lot of uncontrolled laughter from Jimin, Jungkook 

acing every round. Ryujin would rage because most of the time, her guesses were off. Hoseok looked lost and it was the first time Chaeyeon had smiled that big in a long time. Y/N felt content seeing all of her friends enjoying themselves.

“Uh… let’s see… Oh! You’re sweeping!”

Hoseok’s eyes got wide but he shook his head rapidly. He held up a finger to signal Ryujin to wait before he redid his action. Twisting his body to face one direction he dramatically feigned crying. Then he proceeded to face the opposite way and smiled widely, feigning laughter. He ended it off with aggressive motioning toward his face.

“Okay, I don’t know what this one is but that was one creepy ass smile,” Jungkook commented. Jimin broke out into laughter, of course. 

“Uh, actor?” Taehyung guessed and Hoseok pointed at him excitedly, jumping once before motioning him to guess more. 

“Robert Downey Jr.! Uh, Iron Man! Crocodile!” Ryujin hollered.

“Bruh, she’s so dumb,” Jungkook rolled his eyes. It seemed he still wasn’t happy with her from earlier. 

Taehyung silenced him, saying, “Cool it, Guk.”

Y/N’s attention was drawn to Hoseok, her heart warming and her smile growing fond at the sight of his animated movements. Currently, he was trying to get Ryujin and Chaeyeon to stem their answers from Tae’s previous guess. It only further confused them, now thinking the answer had something to do with him.

“Best friend?” Ryujin asked.

Hoseok’s face fell, shaking his head.

“Model!” Chaeyeon called, and Taehyung pretended not to hear. But if his shifting eyes were anything to go by, he was flustered by her words. 

Hoseok sighed, pretending to look at his imaginary wristwatch. Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. As if he somehow sensed her watching, his eyes flickered to hers. They brightened upon meeting her gaze, his expression showcasing his fondness. He held back a smile as much as he could, only one side of his mouth pulling up and making her heart stir with attraction. She wished she could kiss him right then and there. 

Looking at her dead in the eye, he did the motion of putting a mask on his face. It must’ve been their connection, because otherwise she didn’t think it would’ve clicked.  

“Comedy and Tragedy masks!”

“Yes!” Hoseok cheered, Y/N jumping up to her feet in surprise. Without much thought, he clambered over to her and wrapped her up in his arms, tugging her close. As if they both realized at the same time, they quickly let go of each other, a strained smile appearing on his lips. It seemed no one thought of the exchange as odd, Ryujin muttering her confusion about the game while Jungkook complained to Taehyung that he had no clue what Hoseok had been acting out. 

Just then, Y/N’s attention was drawn to Jimin’s phone. It was buzzing rapidly on the living room chest, and from her stance she could see the caller ID. Miyeon. 

Her eyes snapped upward to where Jimin sat in front of the table, all traces of laughter and amusement gone from his face. His gaze was trapped on the phone screen, and she didn’t know if she was imagining how his tiredness was more prominent than ever in the crevices of his face. 

No one else noticed, everyone wrapped up in their banter and Ryujin preparing for the next topic. But Y/N did. And she was frozen at the sight of her unhappy best friend. 

She watched as he stumbled to his feet, his stature unsteady. After straightening himself out, he reached down for his phone and turned to walk off toward his room, likely dialing her back. Something told her to stay close by, so she moved to follow him. 

“Hey. You good?” Hoseok’s hand found her shoulder, gently turning her to face him.

She nodded, distracted. “It’s…” She lowered her voice. “It’s Jimin. I’m going to check on him.”

Hoseok placed both of his hands on her shoulders, his eyes searching hers. After having found what he must’ve been looking for, he nodded. “Okay.”

It could’ve been an hour, the length it took to get to his room. As soon as she walked in, time slowed down, trapping them in the confines of his empty bedroom. 

“No, you listen to me! For fuck’s sake!” His voice was dripping with frustration, his hair sticking up in random directions from what she assumed was his tugging. She stayed back, hovering just outside of the doorway. There was a small lamp plugged in the corner of his room on the floor, a bare mattress the only other item occupying the room. Everything else must’ve been with the woman he was currently arguing with on the phone.

He was facing away from Y/N, his head bowed and his body rigid. She had never seen him like this. 

“Oh, so you can swear at me but once I show any signs of stress, I’m the bad boyfriend? Spare me, Miyeon.” He twisted on his feet, beginning to pace. Regardless of his slight movements, all of his stress was defining everything else on him. His reddened face and hard eyes, his clenched fist that only unravelled to pull at his hair. It seemed he was doing everything he could to stop himself from exploding.

“No-” His eyes fluttered closed. She likely had interrupted him. “You know what? No. I’m so sick of you trying to control what I do or what I say. Have you ever even looked at yourself? Ever thought that oh, maybe I’m to blame? Look at how you’re talking to me. And you always do!”

His face filled with disbelief, scoffing at whatever she said. Y/N suddenly felt really bad that she was listening in on something so personal, but all night he had been worrying her. This only furthered her worries, for she had never seen Jimin this upset at someone. Instead of pretending she wasn’t there, she stepped into view. His eyes snapped to her, his mouth pursing as he turned away. 

“Okay, well, have fun hating me. I gotta go,” He snapped, likely cutting off her rambles on the other end. Listening for her response, his voice came out final. If Y/N had been on the receiving end of his biting tone, it would have stung. “Excuse me while I spend time with the people who actually give a damn.”

He didn’t look at her after hanging up. She watched as he hung up before slipping it in his pocket and keeping his eyes trained anywhere but her. Y/N really looked at him and how different he seemed. Perhaps he had been like this all along, she just never dove deeper. Blinking rapidly, she cleared the tears that had risen. 

It was the second time she had seen her friend look so small, the first time being after his breakup with Soojin. It stifled her breathing, seeing him hurting. 

“Hey,” her voice was testing the waters as she stepped a bit closer. He didn’t acknowledge her, all of his attention probably on the conversation he just had. She still wasn’t accustomed to the closed off version of him. She couldn’t bear the thought of him reverting back to his old ways. If this were a few months ago, he might have told her what was on his mind. 

Too much time had passed, it seemed.

Just as her hand found a place on his shoulder, he jerked back and caused her to jump with surprise. He looked at her as if he didn’t recognize her, disbelief written in his eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Jimin, I- Are you okay?”

“What kind of a stupid question is that?” He scoffed, before moving past her. “It’s none of your business, anyways.” Before he could reach the door, she grabbed onto his arm. And before she could speak, he spun on her. “No, Y/N! I don’t want to hear your fake ass pity! Since when do you care what I’m going through?”

Looking closer, she noticed how unfocused his eyes really were. They were wild with emotion, yes, but they mixed with inebriation. It was a recipe for something bad. 

“I’ve always cared and I always will. You’re not alone. Let’s just talk, okay? Tell me what’s on your mind.” That usually worked, but not tonight.

He shook his head, wrenching his arm out of her grip. “You don’t get it, and you never will. Not when you’re living a picture perfect life with nothing but joy and no hardships.”

“Excuse me?”

He was looking through her, not at her. “You heard me. Have you ever stopped for one second to consider how I feel? You do nothing but belittle me, try to control me,” It registered for her suddenly, that he wasn’t talking to her anymore. He was talking to someone else. “I do everything for you. Hell, I wanted to live with my best friends but you insisted on me being with you! And all you do is make me feel inconsistent.”

“Jimin…” Y/N’s heart smashed at the sight of his face crumbling, trying so hard to not cry. Instead of staring, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. Hesitantly, he rested his face on her shoulder. It felt like hours but it was mere seconds until he wrapped his own arms around her and held her tight, the slightest quivers escaping from his body. “I’m here. It’s going to be okay.”

He whispered something, too muffled for her to understand. She asked him softly to repeat himself. 

“I… I miss Soojin.”

Pulling away, he looked at her with puffy eyes and flushed cheeks. She didn’t know whether to feel relief at him opening up, or sorrow at the evident pain he was going through and had been experiencing this entire time.

“Is everything okay?” The two of them turned, the slight light from Jimin’s room spilling out and onto Chaeyeon’s presence. She looked concerned but didn’t move from where she was standing.

“I’m fine,” Jimin managed, pulling away from Y/N’s embrace. As he sniffled he ran his fingers through his hair before maneuvering around Y/N and turning away. “I’ll meet you guys in a second.”

Y/N so badly wanted to stay, to comfort him and be there for him. Just like earlier, he had graced her with a moment of opening up. It was all she was going to get for now. With one last look, she followed Chaeyeon out of the room.

Everything was much more complex than she ever would have known. And she wouldn’t have if she had chosen not to come.

“This isn’t good,” Chaeyeon said, her voice wavering.

“I know. Jimin is… not good.”

Chaeyeon shook her head, the two of them stopping in the dark hallway feet away from the living room. She lowered her voice. “Not only him. The others… it’s heating up. I don’t know how to stop it.”

“That’s the thing. Can we even stop it? Or is it destined to happen?” Chaeyeon looked at her then, and Y/N wished she had something better to say. The two of them never felt so helpless. 

Just then, they heard Jungkook’s voice thunder, “Screw you!”

The two of them rushed into the living room, noticing the duo from earlier back at each other’s throats. Ryujin was reared on him, her stance aggressive and her face taut with anger. Jungkook was stood on the opposite side of the living room, his back straight and eyes narrowed. They were in the midst of a showdown.

“Guys, let’s calm down,” Hoseok said, standing between them as if they were going to go at it at any moment. The words only seemed to anger Ryujin even further.

“Stay out of it, asshole!” The words boiled Y/N’s blood as she came to a stop near the edge of the living room. “I’m so sick of Jungkook acting so high and mighty all the damn time. Get off your high horse. No one buys your whole tough facade.”

“What fairytale are you spinning now? This isn’t about me, this is about you! And how you treat everyone like shit. We’re your friends and you can’t even go one minute without insulting or belittling us! I can’t imagine what it’s like to even hear something supportive come out of your big ass mouth.”

“Guys,” Taehyung looked exhausted, his eyes dipped in disappointment as he peered up at them from his spot on the sofa. Y/N wished there was something she could say to diffuse the situation. There was nothing any of them could do, because Ryujin wouldn’t back down and she had effectively gotten Jungkook riled up. “Just please stop.”

“Tell his bitch ass to stop whining! No one is bothered but him!”

“There’s no need to insult anyone, Ryu,” Hoseok said, looking frustrated himself. Still, he tried to be the mediator. Usually he was successful, but not with someone like Ryujin. She directed her anger at him next.

“Would you look at that? Dad is trying to break up the fight! Why don’t you just shut the hell up too, Hoseok. I don’t want to hear your dumb ass rambles about peace and friendship.”

She didn’t know if her gunning for Hoseok had been the last straw or Ryujin’s blatant ignorance, but without much thought Y/N snapped, “That’s enough already. Jungkook’s right.”

Everyone’s heads swivelled to her. There was a range of shock and anger, the latter mostly from Ryujin, on their faces. Before she could even consider what she had just launched herself into, Jimin’s voice sounded from behind her.

“Why don’t all of you shut up?”

Ryujin began to slow clap, nodding her head with feigned enthusiasm. “The stone cold asshole has finally decided to join the party.”

Y/N’s heart dropped, already knowing Jimin wasn’t in a good place to be provoked. She looked back at him with worry, her blood ice cold at the sight of his steeled gaze.

“What did you say to me?”

“Come on. You can’t be an asshole and stupid too. Well, I guess you are considering you’re moving in with your biggest mistake.”

“You’re pathetic,” Jungkook’s voice cut in, everyone turning toward him. “You know what’s sad? The reason why you’re attacking all of us is because you’re so insecure about yourself. The reality is, Chae and Y/N are way better than you. At least we actually like having them around. Tae doesn’t need you, not after finding friends that treat him better than you have your entire friendship. We don’t need you. No one needs you.”

Y/N looked at Ryujin then, watched her facade crack as he struck a nerve. How did the night grow poisoned? How had they really brushed off all of the signs?

The real and painful question was, Why hadn’t her predictions proved her wrong?

Ryujin cleared her throat, looking at everyone in the room before striding to the kitchen and snatching her bag. Pausing on the way to the front door, she looked dead in Jungkook’s eye and said, “Fuck you,” before throwing it open and slamming it behind her. 

It left the room suffocated, too quiet. Everyone besides Taehyung was standing, poised and ready for whatever was coming. Jungkook was the first to move, sinking into the nearest loveseat and lying his head back. He didn’t look like he was going to talk anytime soon. 

“Anyone want another beer?” Jimin rasped.

“Haven’t you drank enough, man?” Taehyung asked, his voice lacking strength. 

“Relax, man, I know what I’m doing.” Jimin said calmly before dragging his feet to the kitchen.

Chaeyeon sat down beside Taehyung, her head in her hands as she inhaled loudly. “We can’t go one night. One night without everything going to shit.”

“It takes a group effort. Not just one,” Hoseok said, his voice distracted as he sat on the arm of the remaining loveseat. Y/N was drawn to him, aching for his comfort but unable to receive it with their friends around. So she sat by him with his leg pressed slightly into her shoulder. He must’ve sensed her distress as his hand curled at the arch of her neck. He massaged it slightly before keeping his hand there. 

“Ryujin is-”

“A judgmental asshole. I don’t want anything to do with her anymore,” Jungkook snapped, before returning to his previous position. Taehyung watched him, his lips pursed, bothered by his words. Chaeyeon looked conflicted, before nodding her head in acknowledgment and changing the topic.

“Okay well, Jimin,” Lowering her voice, she glanced over her shoulder before continuing, “Isn’t doing well.”

“Yeah, you don’t think we know that?” Jungkook deadpanned.

“Guk, stop already! That’s enough. You’ve done enough,” Taehyung said, his voice shaky. His words were effective, Jungkook falling back and rigidly turning his head away from everyone. 

Chaeyeon pretended as if she didn’t hear the exchange. “It has to do with… his girlfriend, right? Why else would he be drawing away from us? That’s the only thing that’s changed in his life. And he’s moving in with her now.”

“It’s not the only thing,” Y/N offered up, all of them looking at her with questioning eyes. “Guys… It hasn’t been that long since…”

“Since Soojin,” Taehyung said, nodding in understanding. He and Jungkook exchanged glances, having a silent conversation. Everyone soaked it in, thinking about how Jimin really hadn’t been himself since Soojin broke his heart. There was a time where he was coping and moving forward, but when he started dating Miyeon he took one hundred steps backward. 

“Miyeon does nothing but keeps tabs on him and controls him. Not to mention how possessive and crazy she is every single second of the day. She’s toxic,” Jungkook said, his face permanently set in a glare. 

“And now they’ll be living together,” Chaeyeon said, sounding at a loss.

“You don’t think we tried to convince him otherwise?” Taehyung shook his head. “His mind is set.”

“There’s nothing we can do then, besides be there for him,” Hoseok said with finality.

“Are you guys having fun butting your noses into my business?”

Everyone froze. They were caught in the act.

Y/N’s stomach dropped, suddenly very afraid of what was coming. One look was all it took to envision the road they were about to travel.

One by one, everyone’s gaze trailed to Jimin. He stood at the edge of the living room, swaying on his feet and his expression the face of barely suppressed rage. Jungkook was the first to react, quickly standing and fixating his face into something more gentle. “It’s not like that, J. Come on-”

“And now you’re going to lie to my face?” Jimin’s voice raised, his emotions locked away. Like moments before with Ryujin, round two was unravelling like a badly rolled carpet. 

“We’re just worried about you,” Chaeyeon tried, her voice wavering.

“Back off. All of you. I’m fine.” Jimin was short, dismissive. He wasn’t going to budge. 

Hoseok’s grip loosened before moving to Y/N’s shoulder. He was letting her know once more he’s there. Breathing in deeply, she turned her attention to Jimin. Like he knew it was coming, his eyes met hers. 

She kept her voice collected as she could, given she was staring into the eyes of a man who was seeing through red vision. “You’re lying to us too. We know you’re not fine. And it’s okay to not be. You don’t have to pretend.”

“I’m not pretending!” He outburst, causing Chaeyeon and Tae to flinch. “This is who I am, and if you guys have a problem with it then there’s the door!” He ended by pointing a shaky finger at the front door. 

Jungkook shook his head, conceding by sitting back down. Something told Y/N to keep going, because when was the last time any of them had seen this much emotion from him? Standing up slowly, she approached him.

His eyebrow twitched with aggravation, his stance anything but approachable. She knew him, though, knew he was trying to defend himself and lock away his emotions. She was sorry for not being there for him all these months. She vowed to do better. 

When she stood in front of him, she looked him dead in the eye. Softly, she uttered, “Jimin. It’s okay. You don’t have to tell us what you’re going through. But you don’t have to hide yourself. We’re here for you.”

His facade broke down a little as his eyes shifted to the side, considering her words. Shuffling in place, his hands roughed up his hair again. He wasn’t alone. 

She tried again. “We love you and only want you to know that whatever you’re going through, we got your back. We always will. It’s okay…to feel. You don’t have to pretend.���

At first, it looked like she had broken through. His facial expression opened up for a moment, his eyes sad and his shoulders loosening. It was but a moment, because suddenly he straightened back up as his face twisted back into stone. 

“Me? Pretending? What about you and Hoseok?”

It was a split second reaction. Y/N’s mouth managed a quick response, “Huh?” as her body clamped up. The hair at her neck bristled, like a cat on guard. Eyes were on her, or maybe they weren’t. She didn’t want to turn around to check. All she could do was stare at Jimin, in horror or shock she didn’t know. 

Jimin wasn’t very coherent, that much could be seen. His eyes were glazed, his face scrunched up in irritation. His stance wasn’t very stable. If it weren’t for his words, she would’ve been concerned about him and his appearance. All that rang in her ears, and likely in everyone’s, was his words.

“What does he mean by that?” Chae called from behind her. 

Y/N couldn’t move, couldn’t process what was occurring right before her eyes. Her mind was racing, looking for an escape or any semblance of words that would diffuse the words that hung in the air.

Nothing was coming to her. 

A familiar warmth appeared beside her, a familiar touch. She didn’t want to look at him because he would see her panic, feel it and channel it. It was second nature, however, how her eyes snapped to Hoseok’s. His eyebrows were pulled taut in a frown, his mouth pursed. She could see he was trying to give her courage, but it was hard when the pair of them were thrust into this situation. 

“Jimin, I think that’s enough,” Hoseok decided. 

Wrong choice.

“Oh, so you guys can put my relationship on blast but I can’t put yours?”

“Okay, I’m sorry. What’s going on here?” Chaeyeon asked, her voice growing high and confused. Y/N slowly and torturously looked over her shoulder to her friends behind her. Taehyung looked worried. Chaeyeon was staring at her with almost an incredulous look, her face frustrated. Jungkook’s eyes were trained on the floor.

“I-”

“Why don’t you guys fess up? No, seriously,” Jimin feigned a loud laugh, “This is utterly priceless. Why is it that my own friends can judge me and my own relationship when they can’t even be honest themselves? You’re fakes. To your own damn friends.”

Y/N whirled on him, feeling her own frustration bubble over. Her voice raised, loud and unsuspected. “Stop, Jimin! Why are you doing this?”

“No! Why do I have to stop? None of you have given a shit about me this entire time, this whole group is falling apart, and suddenly you’re worried about me being sad? Please.”

“We are worried about you! Look at you!” Y/N yelled back.

“I’m fine. You guys are the ones who feel the need to hide yourselves from your so-called friends.”

“Look at this shit! This is the exact reason why we didn’t tell you guys in the first place!”

“Oh, yeah, that’s why. How about the lack of trust? You know what?” Jimin moved toward Y/N in his anger, Hoseok’s instincts taking over as he stepped in front of her. Hurt flashed in Jimin’s eyes, shaking his head as he retreated. “All of you are just as sad as I am. Here’s a thought, instead of faking you’re happy and that you actually like your friends, why don’t any of you own up to your shit? Like Hoseok and Y/N. Or you, Chae. You hid your relationship too. What about Jungkook-”

From Y/N’s other side, Jungkook appeared, his face stern. 

“Jimin, cut it out. You’re acting like an idiot.”

“Surprise, surprise! Any chance of you confessing how you feel, you’re quick to shut anyone up!”

“I’m not avoiding anything, you’re just being a real dick right now. Before you say anything else you’ll regret in the morning, I really think you should go lie down.” Maybe it was Jungkook’s intimidating stature, everyone on guard or Jimin’s own desire to escape the situation, but with one last scoff Jimin stalked off to his room. The slam of his door caused Y/N to jump, her feet glued to the floor and facing away from her friends. 

Her gaze slowly found Hoseok’s, his eyes closed as if the reality was too gory to look at in the face. His grip tightened on her shoulder and  her body drew slightly closer to his chest. 

“Can someone explain what his little tantrum was about?” Chaeyeon said, her voice the definition of stress. The couple twisted to see her roughly rubbing at her forehead with the palm of her hand. 

“I think it’s pretty obvious, Chae. You’re a smart girl,” Jungkook snapped.

“You guys… are together?” Taehyung asked, the mic dropping as silence ensued. His eyes were shrouded in confusion, disbelief and something akin to hurt. 

Hoseok inhaled a deep breath, the movement of his chest giving Y/N the courage he possessed. There was a pause, a defining moment suspended in time that was before everything changed. With a slight nod, the moment shattered.

“We didn’t want you to find out from anyone else, but… yes. We’re together. We planned to tell everyone at the same time.” 

“So…. why does Jimin know before us?”

Hoseok looked at Y/N then but she only shook her head. Turning back to Taehyung he responded, “We don’t know.”

“I don’t understand. Did you guys think we’d be mad? Frankly…” Taehyung looked so sad that it pained Y/N to even look at him. “I feel like shit. This whole time, I thought that all of these friendships… they meant something. They do mean something, to me. I even had hoped that everything would get better, that all of our issues weren’t the end of us. I was foolish.”

Y/N stepped toward him then, but he quickly rose to his feet and held up a hand, warranting her from coming closer. He couldn’t look anyone in the eye.

His voice grew quiet, defeated. “I just wanted this night to be special. This is probably our last time together in this apartment, but the way things are going it feels like the last time together in general. None of you care. All this time, I either got excuses or refusals to come over or go out. How can I hold onto something that doesn’t even hold back? First Ryujin. Then Jimin. And now you guys?”

“It’s not like that,” Y/N pleaded, ignoring his hand as she reached out to grab his upper arm. “Tae, we care about you. We cared about tonight. We kept it to ourselves because we didn’t want the group to become even more tense.”

Taehyung shook his head. “Don’t lie to me. This group has been on a path of destruction for a long time.”

“She’s telling the truth, Tae,” Hoseok stepped into the conversation, “Admittedly, we did like the intimacy of it being just us. We knew that once we told everyone, it would be a lot more attention. And… we know how everyone feels about friends dating friends.”

“We’re not mad,” Chaeyeon said, “Well, I’m not. I understand. There’s a reason I haven’t brought up Yves until tonight. Sometimes it’s best to keep those kinds of things private. I just wish you would feel more comfortable with us.”

“We do. We understand we should’ve told you sooner. We’re sorry about that.” Hoseok said with sincerity. 

Taehyung sighed, letting his shoulders relax. Rubbing at his face, he fell back into his seat on the sofa. “Somehow, we broke our record for the worst night.”

“It’s not so bad,” Chaeyeon shrugged, “Only one stormout and one wasted. I’d say the rest of us are levelling the score.”

“What a positive outlook on this train wreck of a night,” Taehyung countered, his whole demeanor down. 

If Y/N had a time machine, she would go back and make the most of the night. Everyone, especially herself, had let him down. 

“Are you okay?” The question was surprisingly directed at Jungkook, who had been quiet the entire time. His eyes widened with surprise at Chaeyeon’s question, before he tilted his head in thought.

“I’m good. I… already knew about them too.” 

“What?” 

“How?”

Y/N and Chaeyeon said at the exact same time.

He looked at the couple with mild amusement. “You guys aren’t the greatest at pretending. I had my suspicions for a long time. Just didn’t have any proof.”

“Wow. I must be the most dense person,” Chaeyeon said to herself.

“You’re not, Chae. It shouldn’t have been a secret. I’m sorry,” Y/N said.

“I’m sorry too,” Hoseok agreed. “And I’m sorry about Jimin. He did the only thing that would take the attention off of him, and that was to turn the spotlight on everyone else.”

“He really isn’t in a good place,” Chaeyeon sighed.

“He’s not in any position to feel better tonight,” Taehyung pointed out. “He just needs to sleep off the alcohol. It’s probably a good idea to call it a night before anything else sours the night even further.”

“Don’t jinx it, man,” Jungkook said, looking at everyone before saying, “Maybe the friendship really is beyond repair.”

“After tonight, is it a bad thing?” Taehyung sighed.

Y/N’s heart cracked, remembering how happy and hopeful Taehyung was at the start of the night. “Tae…”

A firm knock at the front door garnered all of their attention. Everyone was still, their gaze trained on the wood. There was silence for a moment before another round of loud knocking sounded.

“What now?” Taehyung groaned.

Jungkook stood, uttering, “Told you not to jinx it,” before reaching the door and slowly opening it.

Until it was shoved open before he could barely move out the way, Miyeon waltzing in, in the process.

“What do you think you’re-”

“Where’s Jimin?”

Y/N observed her, the young woman who barged into the room. The mood shifted, uncomfortable with someone who they barely even met prior to this moment. Her hair was styled to perfection, not a stray hair in sight. Her head was high, looking down at anyone and everyone in her path. Everything about her screamed arrogance, and it didn’t sit well with the people before her.

“Did I invite you in?” Jungkook said through slightly clenched teeth.

Miyeon scanned the room, ignoring him. “Is he in his room?”

“He’s asleep, Miyeon,” Taehyung said, sounding tired.

She gave him a look before making her way toward the hall, no room for arguing. Jungkook rolled his eyes, remaining poised near the front door. “Real fucking classy.”

“This won’t be good.” The two roommates conversed, seeming familiar with the setup. 

Y/N gazed in the direction of Jimin’s bedroom, worried for what might transpire. 

“Uh, guys,” Everyone looked at Chaeyeon, “Look who’s calling me.” They all collectively stiffened at the sight of Soojin’s name on her caller ID.

“Don’t answer,” Jungkook insisted. 

“What if it’s important?”

“Do you see what we’re going through right now? That can’t be good if she’s calling you. Don’t answer.”

“But-”

“Listen to me!” Jungkook snapped.

Chaeyeon held his gaze for a moment before letting the phone silence. 

The night, if possible, was souring even further. 

And the sound of Jimin yelling launched everyone into the second half. 

“Get out!” 

“No, Jimin! Just talk to me!”

Taehyung and Jungkook moved into action, everyone else in tow. They didn’t have to get far, Jimin rushing out with Miyeon trailing after him. His face was filled with his previous rage, unseeing of his friends around him. Spinning on Miyeon, he shakily pointed a finger at her.

“I’m done with you.”

In contrast to the composed girl from earlier, Miyeon was a mess now. Tears were streaming down her face as she tried grasping at his hand. He wrenched it away, moving away whenever she moved near. 

“Jimin, don’t do this.”

“Why should I listen to you when you don’t even trust me? This is pointless, we’re pointless. I should’ve never even thought of being with you. You’re a waste of my time.”

Miyeon’s face crumpled, and everyone turned away, silent and wishing they were invisible. None of them knew what their fight was about, but it wasn’t their place to even wonder. 

For whatever reason, Y/N felt sad at Miyeon’s tone.

“You don’t trust me either, you know. Because you think I’m like her. The sad thing is, you think I’m her in the worst ways. Not in the one way I should resemble her, in owning your heart. And I don’t trust you… because you still love her.”

“For fuck’s sake, I don’t!”

“You know what?” It was like everyone held their breath, sensing the finality in Miyeon’s voice. “Why do I even try?”

Y/N watched from the corner of her eye as Miyeon shoved past Jimin and raced to the front door. She only had a moment to look at Jimin, how furious he looked. Before she could observe him further, Y/N watched Miyeon pullnthe front door wide open- to reveal none other than Soojin on the other side.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jungkook uttered. 

Jimin turned just as Miyeon looked back with what could only be described as heart-wrenching betrayal. She rushed past the woman in the doorway, Soojin’s eyes following her with confusion.

“Soojin? What are you doing here?” Jimin asked, shocked. He looked at his friends with question before the reality of how it looked dawned on him. “Oh no… Miyeon…” And just like that, he booked it, not giving Soojin a second glance.

“I’m going to go after him. He’s not in any state to be out and about,” Taehyung rushed, racing after him. 

Hoseok looked at Y/N then, his face exhausted. “We should leave. This night isn’t… isn’t what it should’ve been.”

“What are you doing here?” Jungkook addressed the unwelcomed guest, his voice laced with distaste.

“I called Chae and Y/N but none of you picked up.”

“Yeah, no shit. None of us want to talk to you.”

“Jungkook,” Hoseok warned tiredly. 

Jungkook inhaled loudly in acknowledgement before he turned to Soojin once more. “Again, why are you here? You sure do have amazing timing. I guess that’s always been your specialty.”

Soojin remained stoic, still standing outside the door. Likely, she had no intentions of coming inside in the first place. She looked just as they all remembered, for the most part. She was adorned in her pajamas after all, considering she lived down the hall, but this was the same old Soojin from before.

The Soojin they once all called their friend.

“Ryu is passed out on my couch. She ranted about how mad she was at me, then at you guys. And then asked if she could crash because she didn’t think it was smart to drive. I just thought you should know.”

“Shit,” Y/N said, feeling bad at the way things went down with Ryujin. 

How had the night really turned this bad?

“And you couldn’t just shoot any of us a text? No, you just had to show up and make a scene.”

“What the hell are you talking about, Jeon? You always have a stick up your ass.”

Jungkook spluttered, pointing at himself. “Oh, I do? Step down from your throne, princess. You’re really not in any position to be judging anyone after breaking Jimin’s heart.”

Soojin’s face tightened, clearly uncomfortable. Clasping her hands together, she said, “Well, I just wanted to let you guys know. I didn’t want anyone to worry.”

“What a saint,” Jungkook hissed.

“Hey Soo. You good?” An unfamiliar face appeared at Soojin’s side, a tall man who had worry shadowing his eyes. It clicked then, Y/N understanding that this was Hyunwoo, Soojin’s ex- well, her boyfriend. The cause of Jimin’s heartache was right before their eyes.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just finishing up,” Soojin nodded at everyone before saying, “Night, then.”

Jungkook took no time in closing the door, spitting out, “Unbelievable,” before turning to face the others.

“Are we apart of a movie or something?” Y/N questioned, not understanding how any of that just happened.

“A really shitty one, if that’s the case.” Chaeyeon answered her.

 “We should call it a night,” Hoseok said once more, hovering near Y/N. She silently agreed. 

Jungkook nodded, looking distracted. He stayed by the door, as if prompting them to pull themselves together. As Hoseok, Y/N and Chaeyeon gathered their belongings together, the latter voiced, “I can’t decide whether we should’ve just called it a night earlier to prevent everything from happening or if it was inevitable.”

“Knowing this group, it was destined to happen. Whether it was now or days from now, we all haven’t been on good terms for a long time,” Y/N was disheartened. Maybe they all were. 

Without wasting any time, the three headed for the door, Jungkook holding it open for them. 

Chaeyeon was first, hugging him lightly. “We’ll talk soon, okay? If you need anything, let me know.”

He nodded in response. Hoseok was next, the two hugging before they shook each other’s hand. Using his other hand, Hoseok grasped his shoulder as he said, “I’m sorry this is how our last night went in the apartment. We should’ve done better.”

“It’s a group effort. Don’t stress too much.”

Hoseok added, “If you need help moving your things, hit me up.”

Lastly, it was Y/N. She paused for a moment, wondering if he would be okay with a hug. Before she could even decide, he stepped closer and hugged her tightly. While holding her, he uttered, “I know I’ve been difficult. I just… hope it’s not too late to fix it.”

Pulling away, she gave him a reassuring smile. “I would love that.”

They shared a moment, an understanding hanging between them. For that moment alone, Y/N’s hopes weren’t completely diminished. 

Outside the apartment complex, Jimin, Taehyung and Miyeon were nowhere to be found. It worried Y/N to no end and the same worry was etched in her companions.

“Be safe getting home, Chae,” Hoseok said sternly, hugging her. 

“Yeah, text me when you’re home,” Y/N added, getting her own hug in.

Chaeyeon forced a smile as she unlocked her car door. Just as Hoseok and Y/N moved toward his car, she called after them.

“Guys?”

They turned and looked at her. Y/N’s face fell as she picked up on her facial expression. She was trying to hold it together, grip tight on her keys as she looked off to the side. Before she could open her mouth, Chaeyeon straightened her back. She patted down her hair, clearing her throat as she pushed some of it behind her ear. 

“We can come back from this, right?”

For once, Y/N didn’t have the words. Usually, she carried some faith in situations like tonight. Though she was always worried and fearful of the potential downsides, there was always a piece of her that felt in her heart they’d make it out. 

That’s what it meant to be one of them.

No matter the fight, hardship, tension… to be one of them meant to be there for one another.

What did it mean when one night sent all of that crumbling down?

“It will be. It’s a matter of who’s willing to put in the time,” Hoseok said simply.

Even though his face was firm, his tone determined, Y/N could tell it did little to comfort Chaeyeon. She merely nodded, forcing one last smile before pulling open her car door and disappearing inside. 

Y/N remained standing off to the side, watching her pull out of the parking space, then the lot. She watched her friend leave, feeling more defeated than she ever had in any friendship. 

Why had she been right?

Why couldn’t she have been wrong about where the night would lead?

Because she would’ve given anything to be wrong if it meant not feeling Taehyung’s disappointment, Jimin’s pain, Ryujin’s rage. 

She would’ve given anything to repair the damage that had been dealt.

“Come on, love,” Hoseok softly said, holding out a hand. 

He walked her to the passenger side, not forcing anything out of her. Y/N knew that he wouldn’t pry it out of her because that’s how he was. They would talk when they were ready. Before getting in, she turned to face him, her eyes haunted. The sight looked like it hurt him, not saying a word as he pulled her into his chest. Pressing his lips to her temple, he whispered, “We’ll figure it out.”

“Will we?”

“We will.”

-----------------

Just like that, it was the morning. Blank pages, scribbled notes and frustrated grumbles were the companions of Y/N’s thoughts that continued revisiting the night prior. She couldn’t help it, not really, not when Jimin’s tear stained cheeks shined in her mind. Or how Taehyung’s disappointment poked at the edges of his lips, aching to be let out. How could she focus on her homework when Ryujin’s shoulders quivered with rage or the sight of Soojin’s drained eyes left a sharp ache in her chest? It’s nearly impossible to be focused when a night like the one she just had hung over her head like a storm cloud. 

Breathing in deeply, she slammed down her pen a little too hard on the glass table, alerting Hoseok from the couch. She didn’t bother to look at him. Instead, she rubbed her hands together as her eyes grew tired from watching the page marker appearing and reappearing with no words in front of it. It was exhausting being this uninspired.

She sensed them before his hands even touched her. She knew he was behind her before his hands slid across her shoulders. Her eyes fluttered closed at the sensation, his slender fingers gently massaging wherever they touched. 

Y/N heard his voice but not his words, only an indiscernible hum quieter than the music flowing from her headphones. Reaching up, she pulled them off her ears and looked up at him over her shoulder, the music the quiet hum now as he gained her undivided attention.

“What did you say?”

“Maybe you need a break from staring at a blank page.”

Her gaze pulled back to the blank page, a heavy sigh resting on her chest at the sad sight. The page morphed in her mind, the memory of Jimin’s face paling at Miyeon’s departure filling her vision.

Y/N uttered, “Maybe that’s a good idea.” And so Hoseok took her hand and led her to the couch where he had previously been resting. A quiet murmur of a 2000’s romance played from the television ahead of them. Neither of them weren’t really focused on it, at least Y/N wasn’t, as she settled into Hoseok’s side. His body wrapped her in a comforting warmth, more so than the blanket resting atop their bodies. His presence was more comforting than the softness of the sofa beneath them.

Studying his side profile, her eyes took in his attentive gaze. There were those eyes, their attention focused solely on the quiet movie in front of him. That’s how they always were no matter their focus. Wherever and whoever he looked at was his only interest in the world until he looked away. 

When he was serious it was an entirely different Hoseok. She mostly knew him as the smiley and playful guy even before they dated. It was a rare occasion for him to reveal any of his negative feelings. When he did, it weighed heavy in his limbs and face. The frown would pull his face rough, his body slouching with the weight. At least to her eyes, it was easy to spot when he was upset. It came with the honor of owning one of the keys to his heart.

That’s why it was quite easy to spot something was on his mind other than the movie. 

Subconsciously, he shifted in his seat before glancing at her. Running his fingers along her arm, he squeezed gently before resting them in her hair. “What’s up?”

Poking his cheek, she asked, “Did you want to snuggle for me or for you?”

Without looking at her, he simply said, “Both.”

“I see.” She turned her attention to the television- not really- and looked at what was happening. In this scene of the movie, two teammates of a football team were fighting over a secret between the two. Picking up on their fight, one was yelling at the other about being distant. Ironic. Without looking back at him, she said, “I can’t stop thinking about last night.”

“Me either. Couldn’t sleep much last night.”

“Ditto.”

They both watched one of the football players storm off, the other brooding and watching him go. Delivering a cryptic line, the movie cut to commercial. Y/N took that as her cue to duck her head into his neck. Breathing in the citrus- because of his body wash- she utilized it to reign in her stress. Medicinal, how life was when tucked into his side. 

“Before last night, I would’ve thought it was impossible for things to turn that terrible.”

Y/N nodded her head in agreement. He continued, his voice low and soothing. “In a way, I think the path of the group was headed that way regardless. You sensed it, it crossed my mind. I’m sure everyone did. Unfortunately, people like Taehyung block it out and don’t see it coming until it hits them straight in the face. I don’t blame him, though, I actually admire him for it. Maybe it would’ve made the night more bearable.”

“Not necessarily. If anything, Tae probably took it the hardest. And I hate to imagine.”

Hoseok looked at her then, his eyes reflective of her own. A mix of disappointment, melancholy, confusion. She watched his internal battle live as it played across his face. It was a sight hard to watch, for a magical man like Jung Hoseok who was born to smile to do anything but. 

He ended his internal battle by resting his head on top of hers and away from her keen eyes. She let him, of course. 

“I just wish… that I could be there with them. With Jimin and Tae, I mean. I’m worried about them.”

The words hung in the air for a few beats, Hoseok’s fingers pausing in their movements across her skin. The warmth hovered over her skin as her cloud of security. The stress was low when he was near. 

Shifting away from her, she looked over at him with question. He looked back at her as his hand cupped her chin. The determination in them seemingly came out of nowhere but without even knowing what he’d say, it woke her up.

“Then why don’t we?”

“Why don’t we what?”

“Why don’t we be there with them?”

Her lips stretched into a smile, as if he somehow discovered the solution to it all. Who knew? Maybe he did. They wouldn’t know unless they tried. 

And so, Y/N joined him in standing up and following his lead.

-----------------

It’s odd how the little things will stick out in memories. 

As Y/N stepped out of Hoseok’s car, the same sounds filled her ears from the night before. The leaves overhead caressed each other while they intimately danced. The leaves on the gravel beneath her boots chased after each other and played tag, the light scratch subtle over the wind picking up. 

It was a chilly late morning, the sky was overcast and gray.  

She didn’t like gloomy days and found sunny days more favorable. Maybe it had to do with her warm lover, but there was something comfortingly familiar about those kinds of days after loving him. 

Staring at the apartment complex ahead of her, it was an alternate reality of last night. It was day time now, a warning overhead. Was it an alternate ending or a second chance, a slight light in the darkness that hung over them. Just like the night before, Hoseok walked around to stand beside her. His body shielded her from the wind, watching her closely as she took her time sorting her thoughts. 

Looking over at him, a look washed over his face- something akin to shock. Or was it realization? His eyes found the gravel beneath their feet, a hidden smile on his lips. She asked him what he was thinking, but he merely shook his head as he stepped backward toward the apartment. 

Holding out his hand, she took it as he intertwined them quickly and led the way. Pestering him, he wouldn’t tell her what the secret smile was and why it was so secret. 

It wasn’t crossing her mind then, but it would later. How it really did seem like an alternate reality, a better one. 

Here they were, in broad daylight. They were in a familiar place as they stayed close, their love wrapping around their intertwined fingers. They weren’t worried about their friends seeing their affection or being mad at them. There wasn’t any secret of their own weighing on their lips scratching to be let out. 

There wasn’t any distance or darkness. 

There was only devotion on display. 

And she didn’t even notice.

“It’s not the time,” he finally spoke, a laugh mingling with his words.

She clicked her tongue. “Why not? You chose to smile at this time and you can’t even tell me why?”

“I’ll tell you when we’re alone.”

“We are alone!”

“Not technically.”

“Hoseok-” Her mouth cut itself off before her eyes truly registered what she was witnessing up ahead. Before them was Jimin, shoving a box into the trunk of his car. That part wasn’t particularly confusing, pretty sensible actually. 

The part that threw her, and Hoseok most likely, was Soojin hovering behind him. 

She was still adorned in the pajamas from last night, her hair thrown in a haphazard bun on her head. Lion themed slippers Chaeyeon bought her for her birthday last year were on her feet. 

Y/N pursed her lips. 

As they drew closer, they heard Jimin’s low murmur.

“Yeah, it’s a bit of a hassle but I think I’ll manage.”

“That’s really good. I’m happy for you, J.”

The sound of the nickname she designated for him stirred an uncomfortable feeling in Y/N’s stomach. 

Alternate reality it was, then. Or time travel back in the past, when these two were still together. 

Just then, Jimin’s eyes found the approaching pair. Y/N faltered in her steps a bit but Hoseok smoothly swept in by pressing his palm into her lower back, her tether. She couldn’t decipher the look swimming in Jimin’s gaze. However, it didn’t prevent her from staring back. 

“Hoseok. Y/N,” was what he managed, his voice a little stifled. As his eyes jumped away, Y/N determined what his previous look was: shame. 

“It’s good to see you steady on your feet. How are you feeling?” Hoseok’s questions were far from malicious, the opposite actually. They were injected with good nature. 

Jimin ruffled his hair before rubbing at the back of his neck. “Ah, well… I’ve felt better. Regarding a lot of things.” His eyes snapped to the pair then before quickly looking away. 

Y/N remained quiet as she watched Hoseok throw him a line, a comforting smile playing on his lips. “We all have our off nights. I don’t hold it against you.”

Gratitude washed over Jimin’s stature as his shoulders loosened. Instead of acknowledging him, he turned to Soojin. “I’ve got to get this finished…”

Soojin waved her hand dismissively. “Totally get it. Good luck with the moving out. And… with everything. I wish you nothing but happiness.”

It was the first time Jimin looked at peace in the last few months, his eyes light as his lips slightly quirked. “I wish you the same.”

That was that, Soojin nodding at Hoseok and Y/N before heading back into the building. Hoseok turned to Y/N then, studying her face. She sensed what he was looking for, wondering what her angle would be with Jimin. Tilting her head at her friend, she straightened before nodding at him once. Just like that, he understood. 

Hoseok shifted to look at Jimin. “Are Tae and Jungkook in the apartment?”

Jimin nodded. “Yeah, Taehyung has quite a few things left to pack. Jungkook is whining and waiting for him.” Just then, he closed his trunk. “I’m just about finished here.”

Hoseok stepped up to him, clasping his shoulder. They shared a look, a morose expression all across Jimin’s features being met with Hoseok’s own reassuring one. Y/N turned away from them, letting them have their moment. 

Ignoring their quiet chatter, she allowed herself a moment to process her thoughts. 

She wasn’t quite sure how to go forward with her concerns. The reality of the situation was, when Chaeyeon encouraged her to come to the hangout the night before, the pair of them were in way over their heads. Maybe all of them were. It’s not up to any individual or two to magically repair what’s been severed. Even Hoseok, the most magical of them all.

Y/N, Chaeyeon, Hoseok, Taehyung. None of them could hold onto every single person’s hands to make sure they all stay the same. It’s apart of life, every single individual growing and changing with their experience and wisdom. Sometimes certain bonds outlive others and sometimes friends continue on for a long time. 

One can’t force a friendship. If the group is meant to divide or to simply- cease to live on, it was going to happen regardless of who tried to keep the sand from slipping. That was just it. 

Their friendships were fragile, intimate and personal. Everyone had a hand in it and everyone had their own responsibility they played. But one person couldn’t carry all the weight. Two people couldn’t. All of them couldn’t. 

Some friendships hold the test of time. Some sand turns to diamond. But some sand does what everyone knows it to do… slip through. 

Everyone’s story is different.

As Y/N turned to look into Jimin’s eyes, she wondered how their own chapter would unfold.

She took one step and his gaze danced away, using the moment and taking in his appearance. His cheeks looked flushed, his hairline damp with sweat. As usual, he was sporting a darker look. On numerous occasions, she would constantly tell him to at least wear something lighter during the day. It never swayed him, opting for black or darker colors that might as well be considered black. She was sure he regretted it now as the heat beat down on him.

“I,uh,” he cleared his throat as he shuffled on his feet, “I just finished packing up all of my things.”

Y/N was in front of him now, giving him the comfort of looking away from his face to his car beside them. She nodded along with her words. “Crazy. It’s officially time for you to say goodbye to the apartment.”

“Yeah… never really thought about this day coming. It’s weird now that it’s here.”

“I bet.” 

The silence poured in, the background soundtrack the occasional leaf dances taking place in the parking lot. She watched him through the corner of her eye and how he fiddled with his long sleeves. To keep his hands busy, perhaps. Or maybe it was his way to stay calm, imagining it was hard to talk to her. 

“Do you maybe want to sit in the car? I can blast the AC and we can just… chill for a moment?” His eyes were wide like that of a child, expectant and innocent. It tugged on every single string of Y/N’s heart, to be able to catch wisps of the Jimin she knew hidden away in the new Jimin who had been moved out long before this day. 

“Sure.”

She didn’t move to the passenger door, opting to watch him frantically move to his side of the car. He didn’t notice her observing, a silent guardian watching over him. Before pulling open his door, he stayed still for a moment. Maybe he was preparing himself for their conversation, maybe he was coaxing himself into calmness. Chances were, she would never know what was crossing his mind at the moment. She didn’t know if that bothered her more than she would’ve liked. All she knew was, now more than ever she wanted to walk away from this conversation knowing more than she has these last few months. 

Y/N wanted a chance. She wanted to turn the page to find blank lines, to fill them alongside each other. There had to be another chapter in their friendship. 

If she had anything to say about it, she wouldn’t let their friendship end with a drunken outburst and his pain. 

Sliding into the car hit her with a sense of nostalgia. A sped up version of first year students, new to each other but old with their souls, getting cozy in the front seats and with each other. A younger Jimin, a more hopeful one with one hand on the wheel and the other resting on the window. His dark hair would dance wildly with the wind, his face accepting its kisses. Back then, he looked weightless in those moments. He looked happy. 

When they would drive in his car at the beginning of their blooming friendship, that’s when she got to know him. In those moments of vulnerability, when it was easy to read him and easy to grow intimate with his silence. He struggled with it, and that was okay. With the speed of his car, the wind as their friend and the promise of a future friendship, there were unspoken words and that was okay. 

Blinking it away, Y/N got comfortable in the leather seat. Reaching forward, she adjusted the air vents on her side. It wasn’t their past selves anymore, it wasn’t a youthful Y/N and Jimin looking at the world with starry eyes. They were burdened now with crashing meteors and spoken words echoing in their memories.

“Is it too cold?”

She shook her head.

“It’s just like old times. You know how much I like the cold,” He added.

Y/N tried a smile. She felt his gaze and his effort. Her mouth pulled downward uncontrollably.

Jimin suddenly and rapidly twisted his body to face her. From the corner of her eye she watched his mouth open to speak. As quick as his franticness came, his lips found each other again as he settled back in his seat. 

She figured it would have to be her, given the circumstances. Rubbing at her thighs, she heaved a deep breath in preparation. As she began, he held up a hand to silence her. His voice came out gentle but strong. 

“No, I need to do this. I-” He sighed heavily, tugging at his hair gently before burrowing his hands in his sleeves. “What do you say when words aren’t enough? Y/N, I had no right to put you and Hoseok on blast like that. Even if you had confided in me, which I understand why you didn’t, I still wouldn’t have had a right.”

“Jimin-”

“No, I get it,” His voice was shaky, his eyebrows pulled together as he stared down at his lap. It looked as if he was trying to hold all of his pain together with a flimsy ribbon. “I never planned on doing that, you know. Actually, I saw you guys outside the apartment last night when you arrived. I saw you two… and I figured you’d tell us in your own time. I mean, I’m a mess. Have been for a while now. It’s not like I could blame any of you anyways. Any time you guys tried to get me to open up, I would just shut it down. That’s all on me… There’s no excuse.”

Y/N reached over and rested her hand on his forearm. His eyes widened at her, as if it had been a long time since he felt a comforting touch. How long had it been since he talked to someone like this? 

“Jimin…”

His eyes flickered up to hers as he gave her a sad smile. “I really screwed up, didn’t I?”

She tightened her grip on him. “We all make mistakes. And… I’ve done wrong by you too.” Confusion filled his features, but she continued with her words. “It’s taken me way too long to realize that you need someone with you right now. You need a friend, and you’ve needed a friend for a while now, and all of us failed at that. I failed. Regardless of everything, I should’ve tried harder. Maybe you didn’t want to confide in me or any of us, but that’s fine. That’s not an excuse to pretend that everything is fine. I should have done better.”

He stared at her, open-mouthed and speechless. His expression from before was nowhere to be found, replaced by an unidentifiable emotion. Her heart rate sped up as she witnessed his eyes flood with tears. Reaching over with her other hand, he waved her off gently as he blinked rapidly, a laughter bubbling out of his mouth.

“No, no, I’m fine, I just…” Looking ahead, a genuine smile found his lips and it eased Y/N’s heart a little- albeit, she was confused. “You are a wonder, Y/N, you know that?”

“Huh?”

She could identify the look on his features now; he was touched. The Jimin she looked at now, well, it was the Jimin she had known all along. “I’ve known you for a while now. And sometimes, you still manage to find a way to surprise me.”

“Jimin, what are you going on about?” Even her own tone had lightened up, an uncontrollable smile on her lips.

“You and I both know that I’m in the wrong for what I did. Even if I’m sad or heartbroken, it’s wrong of me to tell your business like that. No excuses. And you still manage to take some of my blame. You’re… a great friend like that. Never letting any of us be alone in anything.”

Y/N shook her head, heaving a deep breath. She opened her mouth to respond, but his words kept her from talking. She had never really looked at herself like that and it had her re-thinking her response. Before she could get a word out, he continued. He squeezed her hand once more before facing her with a soft smile and a gentle tug on her shirt.

“You’ve always been… how do I put this… you’ve been my circus mirror. I know that sounds confusing. What I mean is,” He paused as he had to look away, his finger moving to point up in the air, “I look at you, and I see a better version of myself. It fools me, makes me feel better about myself. I look at you and it reminds me that it’ll be alright.”

The feeling she was feeling at his words was nearly indescribable. It was her heart cracking open and her affection for him pouring out. It was a present of care and love wrapped in a bow of melancholy. His words were sadness injected with sweetness.

Y/N shook her head as she tried to force her emotions down. “If only you could see how I see you. If anything, I would love to be your… projector. I would project how I view you, how incredible you are.”

The smallest smile tugged at the corner of his lip. “Thanks, Y/N.”

“I’m serious. I’m not a trick mirror. As your friend, I officially declare myself your projector. The title is a working progress because it could definitely be better.”

For the first time since she could remember, Jimin let out a genuine laugh. His eyes shined like the sun hitting a window. Warm. 

They soaked in the silence surrounding them, a comfortable and familiar one. It was a silence she had become friends with once upon a time, a time where a younger her wanted to get close to a younger Jimin and in order to do that, she had to get well acquainted with it. 

She understood what their chapter was and she was mistaken. 

It wasn’t ending and it never would be. Past Jimin wasn’t bad. It was apart of him and always would be. Just because he reverted back to the way he knew how to cope, it wasn’t the end of the chapter they had been writing together. 

It was just her responsibility to get reacquainted with the silence.

Similar to the title of her responsibility to Jimin, their chapter was a work-in-progress.

Soaking in the silence, she didn’t mind. For Park Jimin, she didn’t mind at all. 

“We should head inside. I’ll tell those knuckleheads goodbye and you’ll… well, you’ll be everyone’s projector.”

“You give me too much credit,” She joked as she got out of the car.

“And you’re too modest,” He shot back smoothly as he locked the car and followed her to the apartment. 

The air between them was lighter, a new sensation she was sure the both of them were soaking in. There was still much to talk about and to catch up on- mostly, it was time to start writing in their pages again. She looked forward to writing about his smiles the most. She missed his smile. 

As he reached to open the front door, her hand on his shoulder made him pause. Twisting to face her, he gave her a perplexed look. 

“I just… wanted to ask if you’re okay?”

Jimin’s eyes flickered with amusement. “I am. Actually, I haven’t been this okay in a long time. Last night was a wake up call I needed.”

“I know I haven’t been the best at proving it, but I’m here for you. To talk about anything and everything.”

“I know, Y/N. Thank you.” 

The smile he gave her was a familiar one. 

They looked at one another one last time before he opened the door and led her inside. 

“Y/N!” Taehyung’s excited greeting made her heart smile. Rushing to hug her, she chose to ignore Jungkook’s huff of frustration and complaint about his procrastinating on packing. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him and ignored the urge to cry. Pulling away, his excited gaze softened into understanding. Rubbing her arm gently, he said, “I’m so happy you guys came.”

“Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

Taehyung grinned then, a big and sincere smile that brightened his whole face. Pushing away her sadness she attempted to mirror it. Suddenly, he wrapped his hand around her wrist and began tugging her toward the hall.

Childishly, he stuck his tongue out at the remaining guys standing in the living room. 

“Y/N won’t scold me about packing. She’s my new packing partner!”

Jungkook rolled his eyes and called out to them, “Have fun packing for a year then, you ass!”

Hoseok playfully shouted to her, “I’ll only save you once it gets dark out.”

Y/N shook her head as they reached his room. Although there was more progress since yesterday, there wasn’t much packed.

“Tae-” She said with disbelief.

“I know what it looks like, but I didn’t mean to postpone so much! Look how perfect my room looks! Why would I want to destroy that? It’s fate, I mean-”

Her tone hardened as she pointed to the corner where boxes resided. “Grab a box and stop messing around.”

Taehyung whined loudly, “Damn it! I got another wack ass packing partner.”

It took a lot more effort than Y/N expected to not crack her tough exterior upon hearing the guys from the living room burst into laughter.

“You guys shut up!”

“Pack before I kick your ass!” Jungkook shot back. 

Taehyung shook his head, even his own frown dancing with a smile. 

Some time passed in silence. If Y/N tried to guess, she wouldn’t know how much time. If it were an hour or ten minutes, she didn’t know. It was nice, though, and if the peaceful look on Taehyung’s face was anything to go by, he didn’t mind the company. 

For a guy like Taehyung, she knew it was hard for him to let go of things. Whether it be a person, an idea, a notion, or a place.

That’s why he had grand theories like his love life one. It was why he waited so last minute to pack up his room. Yeah, maybe he liked the way the room looked when it was untouched. Maybe he lost track of time. The true reason was, he just wanted a little more time with something he loved.

“I’m going to miss this place,” His voice was soft, almost unheard over the sound of him taping up a box. However, Y/N had been listening for whenever his voice would fill the room. “Of course, I’m going to miss living with Jimin and Jungkook. I’m going to miss our nights trying to do homework in the same room and drastically failing. I’m going to miss craving Mickey D’s at 2 am and bugging Jimin to drive us. One time, Jungkook spilled his smoothie on Jimin’s bedsheets and I have never seen Jimin’s face get so red.”

Taehyung burst into laughter at the memory, his eyes unseeing. As quick as the laughter came, it faded as his face dampened. He bent over the box in front of him and slowly placed some of his belongings into them. Glancing at Y/N, a soft and forced laugh fell from his lips. “I remember when Jungkook had nightmares the first couple of weeks when we moved in. He missed his family so much that he would wake up crying. The first week or so, Jimin and I just gave him privacy. We realized how ridiculous that was and started sleeping on the floor by his bed. He stopped having them after that.”

Taehyung swallowed thickly, his eyes a little glossy. Y/N pretended not to see the tears that managed to fight their way through, opting to look away. It was painful but she was going to be there for him through it all. If what Jimin said was true, she would take on some of his sadness for him. 

She knew it was only natural, what he was feeling. It hurt regardless, especially when such a hopeful soul was getting caught on his sadness.

He continued on reminiscing. “When I would get sick, Jimin would make me soup. Sometimes I was a nuisance and was picky, but he never complained. And he would always come home with medicine, orange juice, sprite and gatorade,” He scoffed with amusement, “Not that he would let me touch them. He’d practically drown me with water all day.”

He sniffed loudly, standing to his feet and walking to his closet. From where she was perched, she couldn’t see his face. She didn’t try to either, because all that mattered was that she was here for him. Without turning around, his voice became quiet and thick with emotion.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for everything to change. I mean, what if our chemistry with Namjoon and Jin is off? What if I get sick and no one gets me orange juice? I mean, only Jimin knows what brand I like. What if Jungkook starts having nightmares and I’m not enough to make them go away. What if-”

“Taehyung,” Y/N’s hand found his quivering back. Straightening himself, she listened as he inhaled a deep breath before turning to face her. He looked at her with raw realization, his cheeks shiny with tears. After a moment, he looked past her shoulder at something she couldn’t see. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she inhaled a deep breath of her own. “It’s natural to feel this way. In fact, if you didn’t it would be surprising. Even though change can be terrifying and stressful, you want to know who you are?”

He nodded at her, silently asking her who he was.

“You’re Kim Taehyung, the guy who looks at the world with fresh set eyes and a hopeful smile. You always give everyone and everything a chance, never deny something unless you’ve given it your all. I bet you were worried about how living with Jimin and Guk would be and look how that turned out. Jimin knows where you live, and knowing him he won’t hesitate to drive over arms full with OJ. Jungkook, well, he not only has you as a spectacular best friend but now he has two more roommates that can ease his heart. 

“You look at life, you look at an opportunity, you look at hardship and you shake its hand. Because that’s you. Knowing you, you’re going to go into this with hope and love on your shoulders and fall in love. That’s who you are. And I think that’s beautiful.”

She imagined the look he was giving her mirrored the look she had given Jimin when he called her a great friend. He looked at her with awe, with a new perspective. 

He surprised her with a quick embrace, so tight he slightly picked her up off of the floor. When he pulled away, the look in his eyes was brand new. Ah, the Taehyung he always was and always will be. 

The Taehyung in love with the world. 

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“No need to thank me. Only reminded you of what was already there.”

Clapping once, he huffed out a breath. “Guess that means we need to finish this job.”

“Yup. And I think the way to do it is to have the help of people who are standing around doing nothing,” She grinned at him as his eyes danced with pleasure, “Boys! Get your asses in here and help!”

If possible, they both smiled even wider at the sounds of groans and complaints. Her heart settled at the sound of Hoseok’s encouragement from the other room. Even in different rooms, he had a hold on her heart.

Seeing the three boys enter with carefree smiles and peaceful faces, well, it was all Y/N needed. 

Maybe it was what they all needed. 

Their chapters weren’t the end of the book after all. 

It was only leading to a much bigger, profound and understanding storyline.

She honestly couldn’t picture better people to embark on the journey.

-----------------

When she entered the quaint little restaurant, indecipherable conversations happening all at once filled her ears while the delicious aroma of mixed scents filled her nostrils. Before her brain could decidedly focus on one, her attention redirected. Next, was the sound of clinking silverware and the distant sounds of chefs chattering. She came to a stop as her body involuntarily shivered from the sudden warmth inside. Heaving in a deep breath, her eyes began searching for familiar faces, rising to her tiptoes to scan the back of the restaurant.

“Miss. If you’re looking for someone in particular, you can give me a name and I can check the reservation list.” Her attention was drawn to the host at the podium to her right a few feet away. She hoped he missed the look of embarrassment that washed over her face as she walked over to the podium.

“Hi, sorry, I’m just not sure what name is under the reservation.” She spoke quietly, shyly, hoping to not be a bother.

“Y/N.” She felt a hand on her shoulder and recognizing the feeling of his hand, allowed his soft touch to soothe her. In the dim, golden lighting, the warmth of the small establishment fell away as the warmth of the person beside her overtook her instead. Her initial embarrassment dissipated as something more significant filled its place. Comfort. Safety. Love.

She looked toward his face, a gracious smile pulling at her lips as her nose picked up on his body wash. She didn’t really pay attention to how he apologized to the host and thanked him, gently grabbing her forearm to lead her away. Looking him over, she could only smile as she took in his facial expression. Once they were far enough away from the host, he looked over at her. Offering her a smile she knew was only meant for her, she felt her own widen.

“Hi, my love,” Hoseok said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to her temple before leading the way to what she assumed was their table.

“Hey. How was your day?” She asked, finally catching sight of her friends tucked into a corner she couldn’t see from when she entered.

“Alright. Better, now that you’re here,” He said quietly, and it made her heart stutter. All of this time and even the smallest things he did made the world around her still. Even in settings like this, with people around and noise consistent, her ears were attuned to him and the gentle way he conducted himself with her. Except it wasn’t just her ears. It was her entire being. 

“The late girl finally shows up,” Taehyung is the first to greet her, farthest from her side of the table. Hoseok pulled out her seat right next to his own.

Mouthing her thanks to him, her smile fell away as she acknowledged Taehyung’s words. “No one’s slacking except you, Tae. When’s the last time you showed up on time for anything?”

He held up a finger and opened his mouth to respond but quickly opted to shrug it off. “Fair point.”

Y/N looked around the table, at her group of friends that she was happy to see. She looked at everyone’s faces, aside from Hoseok, and felt her heart settle into contentment. Over the course of a couple months, there was a lot of time and effort that went into repairing what was severed. Unfortunately, some bonds were too worn to be fixed. Either way, Y/N looked around and knew after all this time, she was surrounded by the people who belonged. It felt peaceful, having come a long way from all those months ago when they felt hopelessness. They could finally settle in comfort.

Since she met all of them, there had been other friends that had come and gone, issues that some of them, all of them, or one of them had to face. Throughout the years, they worked on everything together. The people who were worth it were sitting right in front of her. 

There was Taehyung directly across from her at the round table. Quickly, he returned to a story she had missed the first half of, his hands moving fluidly. Kim Taehyung was the equivalent of sentimentality. He felt everything deeply and profoundly, looked at the world with wide eyes that dimmed a little every time he got a taste of reality. Regardless of those moments, he never lost that spark.

Taehyung was a romantic. He loved wondering about the world, finding the beauty in everything. Often, he didn’t like to face the harsh reality, choosing to avoid it or ignore it altogether. He liked the idea of love, but never really applied himself to the commitment. He liked old-fashioned love. The love that he felt for the world was confusing at times, because he always had something hopeful to say even when the world was falling down around them. 

The group realized why he was like that over time. When things went wrong, it hit him hard. All of his friends had to face that with him but after knowing him and loving him it became their fight too. If he was going to go through hard times, they were going to go through it with him. 

The bright eyed and boisterous man before them had gone through hardship just like anyone else. And he managed to always pay tribute to that romantic side of him. It was a beauty to see him laughing. 

“...And I think that’s why she ended up standing me up.” Taehyung finished, his eyebrows furrowed as if the reality of the story he told was only now hitting him. 

“Harsh,” Jimin commented, in that concise and unproblematic way he does when he’s amused. 

Park Jimin. He was a bit of a contradiction to himself. The more a person gets to know him, the less clear it becomes as to what kind of person he is. All Y/N knew was that he had a heart of passion beneath the cold facade he claimed. 

She knew him longer than she ever really realized. That was the magic of knowing him; with him, time didn’t exist.

When she met him, he had come off as a sweet and polite guy, which he truly was, and she remembered being a little flustered whenever he had looked her in the eyes. But the novelty of his handsomeness quickly wore off when she realized how difficult it is to get close. 

It was a blessing he chose her as a confidant and as someone he cherished just as much she with him.

Jimin was the type that pretended to be a free soul. He liked the idea of having little worries, of putting up this front that nothing ever scared him. He liked to quirk those little side smiles in the face of people that didn’t know him but wanted to judge him. He was a steel-eyed crossed-arm type of guy… on the surface. 

In reality, he put his whole heart into everything. He intensely focused on one thing, etching his soul into it. He was precise, his hands purposeful and his gaze meaningful. He drank the world in and paid the price. 

Jimin once told Y/N that the reason he tried to be so distant from everyone and everything was because he couldn’t handle it when he was devoted and it failed. But the key word is that he tried to be distant, tried to hide his genuine heart. With a heart like his, it’s hard to hide forever. He could try all he wanted but the ones who were worth it knew.

Just then, a waiter appeared to bring them their drinks. He passed around everyone’s drinks, saying them aloud as he went. When he got to Y/N, he set down her usual in front of her. Mildly surprised, she looked at her love and immediately knew why. 

He raised one shoulder casually before saying, “What can I say? I’m great.”

“Indeed you are.” Sharing a look of fondness for a moment, they looked away when the waiter asked if everyone was ready to order.

Y/N was suddenly thankful she had looked up the menu prior to coming. 

After ordering, the table broke off into smaller conversations. Jimin was on the other side of Y/N, so the two started talking about classes and how life has been going. He mentioned how he had been working on his portfolio for one of his harder classes and it was stressful, but he was managing.

“What about work? How’s that been going for you?” Y/N sipped at her beverage as her eyes didn’t stray from his face. Tilting his head in thought, he exhaled slowly in thought.

“Ah, I like it. I really do. My coworkers can be a bit… difficult. I’m trying to stay optimistic though, because this is the first job I’ve had in my life that I enjoy having. I mean, I’m surrounded by what I love.”

Y/N smiled. “You do love your writing. Regardless of your sucky coworkers, don’t forget that! You’re working at a publishing company before you’ve even graduated. If you keep focused, who knows where it’ll lead you.”

His head ducked shyly.

Because of the topic at hand, Y/N remembered something about another person at the table and called another inhabitant of the table.

“Speaking of jobs, Chae,” At the sound of her name, the girl mentioned looked away from her date beside her, “How’s your new job?”

She offered up a small smile. Tilting her head in thought, she said, “It’s okay. I like my coworkers. My boss is a bit… high-maintenance. But it’s nice, for the most part.”

“Oh come on, I heard the place was a shit hole,” Taehyung threw out there. 

“How are you just going to call her work a shit hole?” Jimin asked with mild amusement.

“I didn’t mean it’s a shitty place. I heard that the boss there treats the workers badly. People quit so much there, you’d think everyone’s winning the lottery.”

Chaeyeon pondered it before saying, “I can see why some people would think that. I don’t necessarily disagree. But it has potential. After all, people love the place for a reason. Great sandwiches!”

Everyone looked at her with a mixture of different facial expressions. There was a range of emotions, from Taehyung looking disturbed while Y/N’s held sympathy. She sounded like she was trying to promote a place that had a reputation of unreliability and dissatisfaction. After all, it was a place on their university campus known for infamously having a rotation of new workers. 

Although everyone was giving her relatively disconcerting looks, Chaeyeon was unfazed. That was just the type of person she happened to be. 

Jung Chaeyeon was a quiet and powerful force. Y/N and Chaeyeon had grown close in the early days of knowing each other, speaking of their dreams of the future. They resonated with each other, because despite the two of them being apart of a tight-knit friend group, they liked their time to themselves. The two of them were independent souls and it was a foundation for a deep understanding of one another. 

Chaeyeon, or Chae as they all liked to call her, was a very ambitious young woman. She strived for the utmost success, and then after achieving that she went the extra mile. The sandwich shop job they were discussing is the second job she was taking on, her first one being at a small bar a block away from her current apartment. On top of her two jobs, she liked to do podcasts in her free time. 

She was the type of girl that liked to do things on her own. Chaeyeon enjoyed her independence, thrived in it. There was nothing quite like seeing how focused and purposeful she was in everything: academics, her jobs and her hobbies. 

With her dedicated nature, sometimes it was hard for her to touch into her emotions. Over time, she grew better at processing her feelings though and working through them instead of discarding them. She was the type of friend one had to be patient with, because she would come around over time. Her reaction to things was simply different, more of a logical outlook than emotional. 

Because of that, it was a special and beautiful sight to see her so enamored by her girlfriend, Yves. It had been only a couple months since the two made it official, but ever since Chaeyeon brought her around it was like seeing another side of her none of them knew existed. She laughed a lot more, joked and teased. Her demeanor completely morphed into something relaxed but excited, blooming like a flower. It was obvious it was all because of Yves.

Even now, right before Y/N had called out to her. Chaeyeon’s attention had been completely wrapped up in Yves’ words as she was engaged in another one of Taehyung’s stories. Y/N wouldn’t tease Chaeyeon for her more-than-obvious focus on her girlfriend’s laugh. It still made Y/N smile, to see her friend happy and in love.

“I have a friend that works there. He hates it.” It was the first thing that Jungkook had said since Y/N had arrived and it steered everyone’s attention to him.

“Who is it?” Chaeyeon asked.

“You know Yugyeom?”

A look of understanding dawned on her face, nodding slightly. “Yeah, I know him. He’s not exactly… approachable.”

“You’re being too nice,” Taehyung directed at her before turning to Jungkook and emphasizing, “We all know that the guy loves talking shit about everyone and everything.”

“Everyone doesn’t mean only you, Tae,” Jimin casually threw in, and laughter trickled out at the sight of Taehyung’s betrayal written on his face.

“Okay, well, I didn’t ask to be disliked by someone who doesn’t know anything about me,” He argued.

Jungkook merely shook his head, agreeing with Taehyung about the topic at hand. “No, Tae’s right. Yugyeom has a tendency to be stubborn about things. It’s pretty frustrating. To this day, he won’t tell me his beef with Tae.”

“Yeah, let’s just say it’s not exactly great when we’re working the same schedule,” Chaeyeon added, taking a sip from her drink.

Y/N looked over at Jungkook then and as if he sensed her gaze, his eyes found hers. She blinked then, wondering if he was going to look away with discomfort. He simply stared back, his dark eyes shaded with secret. After all, that’s how his eyes have always been.

A lot had happened in the past year. She was well into her second year of university, and so much has changed since she first befriended most of the people sitting before her. With that, her friendship with Jungkook had molded and changed plenty of times. As of right now, it wasn’t really anything. It had become stagnant, and it saddened her.

So when he silently slid over a piece of bread on a napkin, she offered him a confused look. The first thing she noticed when she had sat at the table was the emptiness of the baskets in the middle, the appetizer gone quickly even though she was less than five minutes late. She had expected everyone was just really hungry. 

Jungkook, always thoughtful, had saved her a piece. 

“Thanks…” Her voice trailed off as she noticed his attention had already been directed somewhere else. She couldn’t expect anything less. 

As she picked at it, the sound of her lover’s voice filled her ear, his presence awakening her senses. Her nose took in his subtle cologne and his loud body wash. The warmth of his arm residing on the back of her chair was seeping into her back. His low voice made her heart rate pick up.

“We all played rock, paper, scissors for the last piece. Tae obviously wanted it for himself. Some of us wanted it for you. It seems Jungkook and I had the same idea.” She leaned back to look at Hoseok’s face, looking for any signs of distress or irritation with Jungkook. There was nothing but love. 

It was rare when it was obvious to the eye that something was bothering him. Well, to anyone else’s eye. Y/N knew him like she knew her favorite novel. Even so, she could tell it didn’t bother him that Jungkook saved the bread for her. He probably thought it was thoughtful, despite the state of their friendship.

She forced a smile as she picked at the bread, eating it slowly. He leaned over one last time, his words entering her mind like a song. Her favorite tune filled her ears.

“It’s okay, love. I know he’s taking a while. Just gotta be patient,” He leaned back in his seat but he was always near her. His hand remained on the back of her seat, never really away from her. It seemed like he tuned into whatever story Taehyung was telling now, but his words were low and directed at Y/N. She stared at the man she loved, waiting. 

“He’ll come around. He always does.”

She knew that about Jungkook. Except, a big part of her worried this time would be the exception, the one time he wouldn’t come around. She had hoped a few months ago, the night of the move out when he had shown sides of getting comfortable with her again. She had hoped he would open up again. Since then, it was only small talk here and there. It concerned her, fear at the thought of stagnancy. She believed Hoseok’s words. Only time would tell. 

It’s complicated to try and describe Jeon Jungkook with only a few words. He was complex, looking at coding without any prior knowledge of the skill. He was as colorful and confusing as a kaleidoscope. When she met him, she was impressed by how much he was composed of complexity.

He was quiet with his love. He was loud with his joy. 

Silence was his way of coping with anything that intimidated him. He and Jimin had that in common. If it was heartbreak, sadness, confusion, fear, stress, he would face it with silence. It used to be an issue among the friend group, how he would close himself off. It still was, but he was better. 

Jungkook wanted to constantly be moving and working. No one could ever catch him slacking. Even in relaxation, he was persistent. 

It was an inspiring sight to see someone so powerful on their own path. 

He was a mystery, a lot of the times, never quite knowing where he was or what was on his mind. The reason he fit so easily into the group was because when someone gets a peek inside of him, it’s impossible to not crave more.

Taehyung drew people in with his charisma and loud personality. Jungkook wasn’t quite like that but was just as pivotal. He drew people in with his mystery and kept them when they discovered clues.

It was a shame Y/N wasn’t as close to him as they used to be, but she knew better than anyone that sometimes things come and go in life for a reason. If they were meant to be distant friends, she was okay.

A few more topics flitted around the table before the food arrived.

For a couple minutes, the table was silent as everyone dug in, either the sound of silverware clinking against itself or hums of approval in the air. Conversations started up again here and there about trivial matters and instances of humor. One by one, everyone started to finish up their meals. It was light-hearted and nostalgic, nothing too serious. It was Taehyung that inevitably changed the mood.

Wiping his mouth with his napkin, he leaned back in his chair as his face took on a more thoughtful look. As if considering his next words, he paused briefly before filling the silence.

“I have to say, it’s really nice to have everyone here. We’ve… come a long way. And I’m proud to look around this table and see who’s meant to be by my side.”

Mostly everyone nodded in unison, some trained with their gaze on Taehyung while the rest looked away sadly. In reality,  it was how life unraveled. Maybe it was just what time did to relationships. The first year of their epic friendship, the group was nearly inseparable and larger in size. They did anything and everything together, and if it wasn’t altogether it was at least with one. 

But life happens. People get busy, spend their time differently, meet new people. Falling outs, fights, and heartbreak drive people apart. 

What used to be eight turned to seven, then six, back to seven. Over time, the weight of failed friendships loses its heaviness until it can’t be felt at all. Soojin, the woman who stole Jimin’s heart and ran with it. After she left, the whispers of her presence hung in the air. It dealt a harsh hand on Jimin and his next relationship. After a long-needed conversation with the heartbreaker, and Jimin’s decision to not move in with Miyeon, he found his way back to a path that allowed him to grow. 

After he moved out, Jimin discovered an old friend from high school who was searching for a new roommate. He decided that was the best choice for him instead, seeing if he and Miyeon could work on their bond without adding the stress of living together. 

Because of that decision, he found more happiness with himself. With that came the eventual realization that he and Miyeon weren’t meant to be. She respected his honesty and they went their separate ways.

After the night everything unravelled all those months ago, Ryujin didn’t find her way back to her friends. At first, it was slight, like opting out of dinner or bailing out on plans last second. A bond between she and Soojin restored the night the latter took the angry, drunk girl in, because as Ryujin drifted away from them, she pulled in closer to Soojin. 

There was no hostility, only acceptance. Though it’s harder on Taehyung, he learned that it wasn’t the end of the world if he and his childhood best friend didn’t always share that title.

In the most unlikely of places, other bonds sprout and create a beautiful garden. Take Yves, for instance. In the beginning, Chaeyeon had been extremely nervous to introduce her to the group. She was afraid they wouldn’t like her or disapprove. The actuality of the meeting was, well, her friends fell in love with Yves just like she did. After a night of getting to know her, everyone understood why Chaeyeon loved her so much. 

Just like that, Yves slid right into the beautiful mystery of the group’s friendship.

Eight. Seven. Six. Seven.

Numbers don’t really matter. Numbers don’t do justice to the impact of every single soul that accentuated Y/N’s life. If she continued on meeting beautiful people, well, she wouldn’t mind if the number became infinite.

All she knew was that she wouldn’t want to be surrounded by anyone else.

“I got to admit, I kind of don’t want the night to end,” Jimin confessed, not really looking into anyone’s eyes.

“Yeah, I don’t either,” Chaeyeon agreed, doing the opposite as she purposefully looked at everyone’s face.

“So let’s not let it end,” Taehyung suddenly spoke with passion, leaning forward and surprising everyone out of their silence. “Let’s go somewhere else. It doesn’t have to be anywhere special. We can go back to our place. Joon and Jin won’t mind. Jimin, you haven’t seen what we did with Guk’s room! It’s half hot mess, half gaming studio. And a mini comic book store. Oh! And a cool little mini bar-”

“Dude, shut up,” Jungkook groaned, looking up at the ceiling in embarrassment.

Jimin grew flustered at Taehyung’s attention, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Sorry about that. I’ve been trying to find time to come through and visit. With the new job and everything...” No one acknowledged what he was implying, but everyone knew exactly what he was saying. And no one minded. Jimin was better, happier. None of them would even think to give him shit for it.

Taehyung cleared his throat. “No worries, man. I get it. But guys,” The fire came back, “When will we get a chance to hang out like this again? I know all of us tend to get… busy. So what do you say?”

Chaeyeon’s face grew bashful, “I don’t know… I have work early tomorrow and I just-”

Yves said, “Come on, Chae. It’s just for one night.”

“I don’t know. I have a pretty big exam in a couple of days that I should probably study for...” Jimin threw out there as he twisted his glass in his hands.

Y/N watched Taehyung closely, watching as little by little the hope in his eyes faded away. It made her heart ache, seeing how much it meant to him to extend the night. He was right, the group hadn’t spent time together in a while. It was for many reasons, not just because of being busy. There was a lot of history, both good and bad, that made the group what it was now. If it didn’t happen now, it might not happen ever again.

They were in a better place now, much better than before the night everything internally combusted. She had a feeling that Taehyung was worried the group would revert back to that. It was different now. It was… revived.

She looked over at Hoseok. His face was neutral, listening as Yves went back and forth with Chaeyeon and Jimin tried his best to be hidden. Feeling her gaze, Hoseok turned to her and offered her a comforting smile. It eased her heart, because from that one look she knew they were in the same mindset.

He spoke up, drawing everyone’s attention. “I think it’s an amazing idea. It’s not often we all get to see each other like this, and who knows when the next opportunity arises. It would be a shame if we all called it an early night before we could even reminisce about how far we’ve all come. Look at Tae and Jungkook. They didn’t think they’d make it out alive with their new roommates. Now, they live in harmony and are thriving.

“Or Jimin. You’re working at a place you absolutely love and we haven’t even heard all about it. Chae, you forget that we all know how you and Yves are considering moving into together. If that’s the case, we gotta start planning ikea trips.” With Hoseok’s magic, everyone’s stress fell away. Chaeyeon’s laugh graced their ears at Hoseok’s thoughtfulness, Taehyung’s hope returned. Even Jimin and Jungkook were blessing everyone with small smiles.

Taehyung looked grateful, relief spreading through his face. The fire from before returned in his voice, turning to Jimin and saying, “Not to guilt trip you, man, but you ace every single exam you take. Remember freshman year with that stats exam? We both didn’t study and I got a 37 and you got a 95! In fact, you don’t even have to stay out long. You just gotta check out his gaming chair I assembled. Jungkook nearly killed me when he got home but it was worth it.  One night isn’t going to hurt anybody.”

He opened his mouth to respond, probably to reject the proposition, but Y/N felt the need to support Taehyung’s idea. 

“Jimin, it won’t be the same if you’re the only one that doesn’t come”

He stared at Y/N then, looking conflicted. As he continued to think, Chaeyeon decidedly agreed she and Yves would go. Jimin was all who was left. 

Everyone watched him, sympathy or determination underlying their facial expressions. After a beat of silence, he sighed.

“Alright. One night won’t hurt.”

Tae thrust a fist in the air, cheering a little too loudly.

“Guess I don’t have a choice, since I live with the guy,” Jungkook uttered grumpily.

Y/N stifled a laugh, grabbing his attention. His stormy gaze lifted a little at the sight, but she found herself pausing when he was quick to look away.

“Let’s get out of here before Tae gets us kicked out,” Chaeyeon said pointedly, everyone collectively agreeing. 

From one beat to the next, the brisk cold scooped them into an unexpected embrace. Y/N was tempted to turn on her heel and head back inside the restaurant. Unfortunately for her, the general agreement was the night would continue at Taehyung and Jungkook’s place. 

Y/N smiled as Hoseok sidled up beside her, feeling comfort in the natural way he slid his hand into hers. 

“This is going to be an interesting night. I can feel it,” he said quietly as they headed toward the parking lot. 

“It really is,” Y/N responded, thinking back on some of the tension that had definitely been present in the night. There was genuinely too much history, too many different experiences and memories that could either bring laughs or awkwardness. She felt herself stiffen at the possibility of arguments brewing, recalling the many times there were issues in the group. That sensation disappeared as it came. It was different now. It had been since that night long ago.

She could recall the nerves she had felt that day, how Hoseok and Y/N restrained themselves for displaying any of their love. It was one of the many reasons her heart had ached that night. 

They had walked out of the night with everything up in the air.

Five months later and they were surrounded by friends who mattered, fingers intertwined and nothing but love in their chests.

Before they could reach their respective cars, they heard Taehyung’s call from behind them. Turning, they watched as he jogged toward them. He looked almost like an excited child, his breath fanning out in a white cloud. His eyes were bright, hopeful. It was really good to see him like this again. 

“Thank you, guys, for having my back in there. I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it is, at least to me.” He attempted to seem nonchalant, shrugging one shoulder. Y/N could tell how important it actually was, though. “I know that what happened a while back was… uncalled for. Or, maybe it wasn’t. It was destined, really. Somehow, we all made it through and came out stronger. I just… worry that if we go too long without seeing one another, it’ll happen again. I don’t know, maybe I sound ridiculous.”

“You don’t,” Y/N said softly. 

He gave her yet another grateful smile. Clapping once, he announced, “Well, I’ll see you guys there then.”

They turned to leave, but his voice stopped them once more.

“Oh, and Hoseok?”

Y/N turned too, as if her name was called. It was natural that way, like her love and her own name were the same. She didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or proud. If she would tell him that, he wouldn’t hesitate to choose the latter.

“Yeah?”

“You always know just what to say to get everyone to listen. It’s magic.”

Hoseok simply smiled. “Not magic, Tae. It was what everyone needed to hear.”

Taehyung tilted his head at his words before nodding slowly.

“Catch you at the apartment,” Hoseok called over his shoulder, pulling Y/N to her car. 

As they walked, she let her thoughts fill the air. “You know, I think I agree with him.”

“With what part?”

“That you’re magic.”

He paused, looking at her and squinting with amusement. “Thanks, love, but I’m being serious. We could all tell that something in us didn’t want the night to end just yet. Jimin was really conflicted. And Chae didn’t outright say no. They just needed a little encouragement.”

Y/N leaned to peck his cheek. “Enter my superhero love to save the day.”

Shaking his head, he took her keys and opened her car door for her. She got in and turned it on, Hoseok closing the door.  Rolling down the window for him, Hoseok leaned down on the sill to look at her.

“Be safe. I’ll see you there.”

“You too,” She smiled at him before beginning to pull out. Before she completely pulled out of the parking spot, she called, “Am I driving to a night of a miracle or chaos?”

“Something tells me it’s a miracle. I suppose only time will tell.”  As she began the drive, she truly wondered what the night had in store. Unlike a night that was losing its prominence in her memory, there was no unease or nerves that filled her stomach as she drove. 

Mere tranquility. 

Taehyung’s abundant love, Jimin’s precise spirit, Jungkook’s fiery devotion, Chaeyeon’s subtle affection, Hoseok’s wondrous wisdom. 

Each of them carried characteristics etched into their hearts, sometimes forgotten or lost or hard to get back. With the right people, the right kind of love and support and perhaps a little bit of a miracle, they always find their way back to that part of themselves.

Always. 

-----------------

When a person enters a world as big and unpredictable as this one, they will never be certain about what awaits them in the future. Stepping out of the house, there are infinite paths a person can take that will alter their future, both literally and figuratively. Every person you’ve met has affected you, every place you’ve been has left its mark. Maybe it isn’t clear or as prominent as others, but everywhere you go your presence is imprinted. 

The world shapes you, and you shape the world. People mold you, and you mold people. It’s a give and take existence we’re all living. There is something beautiful and haunting about this kind of existence, because at times one is more victorious than the other. When the world is giving, we’re on cloud nine. We feel so high, like nothing can tear us down. It feels magical and magnificent. When the world is taking, we fall so far down that it’s hard to remember what it was like being in the clouds. It’s cold and all-consuming. It’s hard to recall what it’s like to be surrounded by warmth.

But in those taking moments, there are pieces of life that are placed there for a reason. Whether it’s a person, a memory, a place, it is strategically staring you in the face for you to reach out and hold as you fight the storm that is overtaking your life. Sometimes it’s not obvious for a long time, the feeling of being alone way stronger than the realization that somewhere there is someone or something to grab onto in your hard times. And sometimes, it just flickers on like a light. This realization, this epiphany that knocks the breath out of your lungs when you look at someone and think, I want this person in my life for a long time. 

When those moments happen, when those pieces fall into your lap, it’s life giving you your own give and take. It’s a battle of, do I let life give me this hand, this little light of faith in my dark times? Or do I take it and hand it back?

For every person, the choice is different. 

The world is your own. And with hardships, comes trials. With trials, comes flickering lights that lead the way. 

With those lights, comes a time when life gives you the people you never knew you needed.

fin.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Cheeseburgers

The Infinity Saga is over. The MCU is moving forward into uncharted waters. Disney+ has pushed back certain shows and moved up WandaVision. Black Widow finally has a well deserved movie, postmortem. The future is wide open but, before we get on a brand new pain train, i wanted to take a look back and talk about some of my favorite movies from the first eleven years of the MCU.

Avengers: Infinity War

This movie, man, is probably peak MCU. There are better films in the series but you’ll be hard-pressed to find a film that walks the line of comic book and cinema to deftly. This is the penultimate tale for that first decade and what a f*cking climax it was. Holy sh*t! There was just so much good in this film, from character development to visual flair to legitimate stakes. I’m a massive Marvel fan and i am well aware of the Infinite Gauntlet saga in the comics but seeing this sh*t? Seeing Thanos actually Snap? I never though in a million years that would happen onscreen. And then it did. It was at that point i absolutely knew the MCU was about that life. I knew to expect the unexpected because , with the wealth of the Marvel universe to draw from, they were going to craft some motherf*ckers of stories.

Like, I f*cking cried when Pete got dusted. I shed legitimate tears and I’m not even embarrassed to say it out loud. For a film to move me like that? and it’s not Forrest Gump? Motherf*cker had to be on point, for sure. The entire theater was silent as those strings hummed and Thanos sat on his farm, smiling contently. I had never experienced that before The entire auditorium - completely silent. We were in disbelief. We were in mourning. I saw Infinity War in theaters four times and literally every time, the same thing happened. In two hours and some change, Marvel had gave a theater full of people straight emotional trauma. Your movie has to be absolutely on point for that to occur.

Speaking of Thanos, yo, how was this big ass purple grimace looking motherf*cker one of the best antagonists of film, period? How was this cat written so well? I lost my sh*t when they teased him at the end of Avengers and that little bit we got of him in Guardians was cool but i was not prepared for how goddamn formidable he turned out to be. Josh Brolin brought this character to life but the writing gave me real agency. I was flabbergasted by how great this character turned out to be. Thanos felt real. He felt flawed. He felt legitimate. Id have to put him up there with The Dark Knight Joker and Hans Landa as one of the best antagonists ever.

Spider-Man: Homecoming

I adore Spider-Man. Ive written at length about that love. He’s the reason i even picked up that Marvel comic all those years ago. I’ve seen every cinematic iteration of Webhead and i mst say, this portrayal is the truest to the source material i have ever seen. Cats get on the MCU about making him Tony Stark jr. but most people don’t understand that’s where he was going anyway. Most people don’t know that, in the comics, he’s basically Reed Richards jr. and since the MCU has no Reed, Tony is a pretty smart substitute. But that argument is inconsequential because the core of who Spider-Man is, the actual spirit of the character, has been captured so perfectly by this version of Pete, it’s borderline miraculous. I love Tobey McGuire’s take in Pete because he was the first to do it. Kind of like how i have such nostalgia for the 89 Batman. That version of Spider-Man felt like the old Lee/Ditko version from the 60s. Andrew Garfield was adequate. He didn’t get a fair shake though, mostly barbecue the writing in his run was so goddamn terrible. But this new kid? This casting was as perfect as RDJ was to Iron Man.

Tom Holland kills it as Spider-Man. His version of the character feels right. It feels modern. It feels like Ultimate Pete but grounded in the spirit of the 90s cartoon version. He’s this massive geek, this kid really, granted power in tragedy and it feels so goddamn authentic, i couldn’t believe it. The second he showed u in Civil War, i absolutely knew Underoos was about to be a star in these films and that is saying a lot considering how loaded this cast has become. Homecoming was the first film we got to see Pete stretch his legs and it was f*cking brilliant. Everything about this movie is what a great Spider-Flick should be and the MCU nailed it! if i never got another Spidey appearance, this movie was more than enough to sate my appetite. Homecoming is my second favorite MCU movie. I loved every second of it!

Also, how about that Aunt May stinger, though?

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Look, i love the Dark Knight. For me, that is the pinnacle of a capeflick. That movie was a great crime thriller first, a Batflick second. Nolan approached it with a grounded sense of reality that left you, as an audience, breathless. It is one of the best films i have ever seen in my entire life and Ledger gave one of the most brilliant performances ever captured on celluloid. There is nothing as good as that film in the MCU. The Winter Soldier comes f*cking close, though. This movie made me sit up and realize that the MCU had some teeth. Until this thing came out, i thought we were going to get a bunch of flamboyant costumes and snarky Wedonisms. I wasn’t mad, mind you, Avengers was dope, but Winter Soldier took all that campy bullsh*t out back and murdered it. This movie was the MCU growing up and almost everything afterward has been brilliant. The Winter Soldier forced everyone to step their game up with how goddamn brilliant it turned out to be. I can’t say there were any performances as great as Ledger’s Joker but i can make the argument the overall writing was better than The Dark Knight, and that is stupid high praise.

Guardians of the Galaxy

This film has no right to be as good as it is. I went into this thing on a whim, mostly because I thought it was going ti be filler like Ant-Man or something, and then it wasn’t. It was great. Legitimately great. I had no idea the MCU could take a C-rate team like the goddamn Guardians and uplift them so beautifully. James Gunn took those characters and wrote the best Star Wars film since f*cking Empire and I didn’t think that was possible, not with this wayward branch of Marvel History. Seriously, if you do even a minuscule amount of research on who the Guardians are, they’re a joke. I mean, they have a f*cking talking Raccoon on the team! Gunn had the wherewithal to lean into that and he produced one of the best in the entire MCU. He took these loser clowns and injected so much emotion  and humanity into them, you couldn’t help but love their rag-tag asses. This was the first MCU movie to move me to tears. That stuff about Quills mom? I felt that. Both times. On an extremely personal level. I was the young Quill. I watched my grandma, the only person who i believe loved me unconditionally up to that point, die just like Quill’s mom; Cancer and everything. I was about his age when it happened, too. That sh*t f*cked me up. To this day, i have nightmares about it. Seeing that sh*t so accurately captured in a capeflick was the most for me and I legit had to leave the theater until the first part of the movie passed. To this day, i can’t watch that scene. I can just barely make it through the Dance of to Save Th Universe, but that opening gambit? No way. It hits way too close to home for me. Still, for a comic book movie to solicit such a response? It has to be special and Guardians is one of the best.

Iron Man

Boy, we’ve come a long way since Tony Stark uttered those fateful word, “I am Iron Man.” But none of these other films would even have the opportunity to exist if he hadn't said them. Iron Man had the tall order of being the first, proper, MCU film AND compete with The Dark Knight. N one thought a film about B-List superhero, narcissistic billionaire, and straight up lush, Tony Stark, would amount to anything. How wrong everyone turned out to be. I knew, from that second i saw the teaser and concept art by Adi Granov, that Marvel was taking this sh*t crazy serious. Then there’s the casting of Robert Downey Jr. That sh*t was a boon, for real. The entire cast of this first film was impeccable but RDJ makes this movie. He IS Tony Stark. Even before he got comfortable with the character like in the later films, fresh out the box with the scripts, you can tell he knows how to bring this tinkerer to life. You had to nail that aspect in order to have any chance to  build something great and Marvel hit a goddamn bullseyes, for sure. Revisiting this flick, Iron Man isn’t as good as the later films in the Infinity Saga but it still holds up against the vast majority of entries and that’s saying something.

I love these films, man. As a geek growing up reading these stories, reenacting them with their action figures, sitting glued to the television every Saturday as their cartoons aired, I never imagined id see such a berth of fantastic media brought to life on the silver screen. Seriously, some of my favorite interpretations of these characters appear exclusive in the MCU. War Machine, Thor until recently, Ant-Man, f*cking Hulk? i never gave these assholes the time of day in the comics but in the MCU? They’re fantastic! And it has everything to do with how well written they are in-universe. There are over twenty films in this run an i love all of them to varying extents. Spider-Man: Far From Home, Black Panther, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Endgame, Thor: Ragnarok, and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 all could have made this list. For sure, they’re 6 - 11 or whatever, but that speaks to the sheer depth of the MCU. I’m not even counting flicks i would consider B-tier like Captain Marvel or Avengers or Iron Man 3 or Doctor Strange; All of which are still dope in their own right.

There is just SO much great in these films and i can’t wait to see where we go next. With Disney acquiring Fox, Marvel finally has the full toy box to play with and i am absolutely a tizzy with the potential arcs they can adapt. Secret Wars? Annihilation? Age of Apocalypse? Avengers Disassembled? Dark Reign? F*cking Onslaught?? I have no idea where we are going but i am, for sure, jumping on this pain train once again.

[smokeybrand]

Cheeseburgers

The Infinity Saga is over. The MCU is moving forward into uncharted waters. Disney+ has pushed back certain shows and moved up WandaVision. Black Widow finally has a well deserved movie, postmortem. The future is wide open but, before we get on a brand new pain train, i wanted to take a look back and talk about some of my favorite movies from the first eleven years of the MCU.

Avengers: Infinity War

This movie, man, is probably peak MCU. There are better films in the series but you’ll be hard-pressed to find a film that walks the line of comic book and cinema to deftly. This is the penultimate tale for that first decade and what a f*cking climax it was. Holy sh*t! There was just so much good in this film, from character development to visual flair to legitimate stakes. I’m a massive Marvel fan and i am well aware of the Infinite Gauntlet saga in the comics but seeing this sh*t? Seeing Thanos actually Snap? I never though in a million years that would happen onscreen. And then it did. It was at that point i absolutely knew the MCU was about that life. I knew to expect the unexpected because , with the wealth of the Marvel universe to draw from, they were going to craft some motherf*ckers of stories.

Like, I f*cking cried when Pete got dusted. I shed legitimate tears and I’m not even embarrassed to say it out loud. For a film to move me like that? and it’s not Forrest Gump? Motherf*cker had to be on point, for sure. The entire theater was silent as those strings hummed and Thanos sat on his farm, smiling contently. I had never experienced that before The entire auditorium - completely silent. We were in disbelief. We were in mourning. I saw Infinity War in theaters four times and literally every time, the same thing happened. In two hours and some change, Marvel had gave a theater full of people straight emotional trauma. Your movie has to be absolutely on point for that to occur.

Speaking of Thanos, yo, how was this big ass purple grimace looking motherf*cker one of the best antagonists of film, period? How was this cat written so well? I lost my sh*t when they teased him at the end of Avengers and that little bit we got of him in Guardians was cool but i was not prepared for how goddamn formidable he turned out to be. Josh Brolin brought this character to life but the writing gave me real agency. I was flabbergasted by how great this character turned out to be. Thanos felt real. He felt flawed. He felt legitimate. Id have to put him up there with The Dark Knight Joker and Hans Landa as one of the best antagonists ever.

Spider-Man: Homecoming

I adore Spider-Man. Ive written at length about that love. He’s the reason i even picked up that Marvel comic all those years ago. I’ve seen every cinematic iteration of Webhead and i mst say, this portrayal is the truest to the source material i have ever seen. Cats get on the MCU about making him Tony Stark jr. but most people don’t understand that’s where he was going anyway. Most people don’t know that, in the comics, he’s basically Reed Richards jr. and since the MCU has no Reed, Tony is a pretty smart substitute. But that argument is inconsequential because the core of who Spider-Man is, the actual spirit of the character, has been captured so perfectly by this version of Pete, it’s borderline miraculous. I love Tobey McGuire’s take in Pete because he was the first to do it. Kind of like how i have such nostalgia for the 89 Batman. That version of Spider-Man felt like the old Lee/Ditko version from the 60s. Andrew Garfield was adequate. He didn’t get a fair shake though, mostly barbecue the writing in his run was so goddamn terrible. But this new kid? This casting was as perfect as RDJ was to Iron Man.

Tom Holland kills it as Spider-Man. His version of the character feels right. It feels modern. It feels like Ultimate Pete but grounded in the spirit of the 90s cartoon version. He’s this massive geek, this kid really, granted power in tragedy and it feels so goddamn authentic, i couldn’t believe it. The second he showed u in Civil War, i absolutely knew Underoos was about to be a star in these films and that is saying a lot considering how loaded this cast has become. Homecoming was the first film we got to see Pete stretch his legs and it was f*cking brilliant. Everything about this movie is what a great Spider-Flick should be and the MCU nailed it! if i never got another Spidey appearance, this movie was more than enough to sate my appetite. Homecoming is my second favorite MCU movie. I loved every second of it!

Also, how about that Aunt May stinger, though?

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Look, i love the Dark Knight. For me, that is the pinnacle of a capeflick. That movie was a great crime thriller first, a Batflick second. Nolan approached it with a grounded sense of reality that left you, as an audience, breathless. It is one of the best films i have ever seen in my entire life and Ledger gave one of the most brilliant performances ever captured on celluloid. There is nothing as good as that film in the MCU. The Winter Soldier comes f*cking close, though. This movie made me sit up and realize that the MCU had some teeth. Until this thing came out, i thought we were going to get a bunch of flamboyant costumes and snarky Wedonisms. I wasn’t mad, mind you, Avengers was dope, but Winter Soldier took all that campy bullsh*t out back and murdered it. This movie was the MCU growing up and almost everything afterward has been brilliant. The Winter Soldier forced everyone to step their game up with how goddamn brilliant it turned out to be. I can’t say there were any performances as great as Ledger’s Joker but i can make the argument the overall writing was better than The Dark Knight, and that stupid is high praise.

Guardians of the Galaxy

This film has no right to be as good as it is. I went into this thing on a whim, mostly because I thought it was going ti be filler like Ant-Man or something, and then it wasn’t. It was great. Legitimately great. I had no idea the MCU could take a C-rate team like the goddamn Guardians and uplift them so beautifully. James Gunn took those characters and wrote the best Star Wars film since f*cking Empire and I didn’t think that was possible, not with this wayward branch of Marvel History. Seriously, if you do even a minuscule amount of research on who the Guardians are, they’re a joke. I mean, they have a f*cking talking Raccoon on the team! Gunn had the wherewithal to lean into that and he produced one of the best in the entire MCU. He took these loser clowns and injected so much emotion  and humanity into them, you couldn’t help but love their rag-tag asses. This was the first MCU movie to move me to tears. That stuff about Quills mom? I felt that. Both times. On an extremely personal level. I was the young Quill. I watched my grandma, the only person who i believe loved me unconditionally up to that point, die just like Quill’s mom; Cancer and everything. I was about his age when it happened, too. That sh*t f*cked me up. To this day, i have nightmares about it. Seeing that sh*t so accurately captured in a capeflick was the most for me and I legit had to leave the theater until the first part of the movie passed. To this day, i can’t watch that scene. I can just barely make it through the Dance of to Save Th Universe, but that opening gambit? No way. It hits way too close to home for me. Still, for a comic book movie to solicit such a response? It has to be special and Guardians is one of the best.

Iron Man

Boy, we’ve come a long way since Tony Stark uttered those fateful word, “I am Iron Man.” But none of these other films would even have the opportunity to exist if he hadn't said them. Iron Man had the tall order of being the first, proper, MCU film AND compete with The Dark Knight. N one thought a film about B-List superhero, narcissistic billionaire, and straight up lush, Tony Stark, would amount to anything. How wrong everyone turned out to be. I knew, from that second i saw the teaser and concept art by Adi Granov, that Marvel was taking this sh*t crazy serious. Then there’s the casting of Robert Downey Jr. That sh*t was a boon, for real. The entire cast of this first film was impeccable but RDJ makes this movie. He IS Tony Stark. Even before he got comfortable with the character like in the later films, fresh out the box with the scripts, you can tell he knows how to bring this tinkerer to life. You had to nail that aspect in order to have any chance to  build something great and Marvel hit a goddamn bullseyes, for sure. Revisiting this flick, Iron Man isn’t as good as the later films in the Infinity Saga but it still holds up against the vast majority of entries and that’s saying something.

I love these films, man. As a geek growing up reading these stories, reenacting them with their action figures, sitting glued to the television every Saturday as their cartoons aired, I never imagined id see such a berth of fantastic media brought to life on the silver screen. Seriously, some of my favorite interpretations of these characters appear exclusive in the MCU. War Machine, Thor until recently, Ant-Man, f*cking Hulk? i never gave these assholes the time of day in the comics but in the MCU? They’re fantastic! And it has everything to do with how well written they are in-universe. There are over twenty films in this run an i love all of them to varying extents. Spider-Man: Far From Home, Black Panther, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Endgame, Thor: Ragnarok, and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 all could have made this list. For sure, they’re 6 - 11 or whatever, but that speaks to the sheer depth of the MCU. I’m not even counting flicks i would consider B-tier like Captain Marvel or Avengers or Iron Man 3 or Doctor Strange; All of which are still dope in their own right.

There is just SO much great in these films and i can’t wait to see where we go next. With Disney acquiring Fox, Marvel finally has the full toy box to play with and i am absolutely a tizzy with the potential arcs they can adapt. Secret Wars? Annihilation? Age of Apocalypse? Avengers Disassembled? Dark Reign? F*cking Onslaught?? I have no idea where we are going but i am, for sure, jumping on this pain train once again.

[kpopaeipathy]

Sweet Dreams (RM Oneshot)

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Magic Creature AU! / Fluff / a little angst (PG-13)

Summary: You have an encounter with a nightmare-eater creature, and he helps you to get rid of your worst memories.

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: Mention of death and blood.

A/N: I wrote this in honor of our lovely leader that, with his teammates, helped me through many nights, taking away my nightmares. Tell me if you like it <3

Life had taught you to believe only in what you could see, hear, feel, taste and smell with your own senses. No matter what happened to others, your experiences showed that miracles didn’t exist, especially for those with a life full of tragedies like yours. Yet, you were in a bus heading to a so-called miracle city.

No one could blame you for trying this last resource. You’ve passed years not being able to sleep more than an hour. You went to all kinds of doctors, from general clinic ones to psychiatrists, and none of them were able to eradicate your nightmares or erase your memory. You had a very bad past, and although you weren’t really depressive, you couldn’t get a good night sleep because all your bad memories hunted you when you were sleeping. So, your last therapist told you about that place.

“I know you don’t believe it, I don’t believe it either,” he said, “but we have tried everything and nothing worked. Even if it doesn’t work too, it won’t hurt if you try. And to be honest, I don’t think you have any other choice.”

That was the reason why you walked to the bus station, bought the ticket, and entered the last bus to the so-called miracle city.

After your therapist told you about the place, you looked for it on the Internet, but you couldn’t find much about it. The only information you had was that everyone who entered that city came out with a bright smile and the certainty that a miracle had happened during the night. They didn’t even talk about the miracles they believed that happened, so you didn’t know what was the city miracle “specialty”.

Either way, believing or not, you knew a miracle was your last chance to get rid of your nightmares, so you ended up looking through the bus window to the starry sky over vast green fields and wondering if that would really work.

In the distance, you noticed a wood portal above the road, on top of it there was a sign that said: “Welcome to Gijeog-do.” The fact that the city was really called a miracle city made you take a deep breath and fight against the urge to run on the opposite way.

Right after the bus passed under the portal, it stopped at a bus stop, and a tall, lean man came in. Since the only vacant site was by your side, you soon found yourself looking closely to the dark eyes of that beautiful stranger.

He made himself comfortable by your side while a gentle grin grew on his face.

“Good evening,” he said with a husky voice.

Because you felt dazzled by his smile and his dimples, you blinked a few times and looked outside the window, then you looked back at him, who seemed curious by your lack of response.

“I think it is already good night,” you finally said, giving yourself an internal kick in the ass.

Despite you being a little bit rude, his grin just grew bigger.

“You’re right,” he said, then he looked to the other passengers, all of them were soundly sleeping. “But I’m not used to find anyone awake at this hour.”

“I don’t wanna sleep before we arrive,” you answered, averting your eyes, afraid that he would be able to see how scared you were of sleeping.

“Are you sure?”

The skepticism in his voice made you look at him again, very curious.

“It’s already 11p.m. and we still have like three hours to go,” he explained.

“Three hours?” You were the skeptic one this time. “But we’re already in the city, we just passed the welcome sign.”

He chuckled before answering, “Yeah, well, our city is not so small as people think. We are a rural city and our farms are huge. It’s just the downtown area that is kind of small. We’re already in the city, but we’ll only arrive in a few hours. I would advise you to get some sleep.”

“That’s great,” you sighed, looking outside the window again.

If you knew the trip was so long, you would never get the last bus. Since you didn’t sleep very well, you were always sleepy. Being awake until 11p.m. was already challenging, so you knew you’d end up sleeping on the bus, with a lot of strangers around you.

You bit your lower lip before you took another look at the stranger by your side, and got surprised that he was still grinning at you.

“I’m Namjoon,” he said holding out his hand for you to shake.

“I’m Y/N,” you said, holding his hand.

“If you’re afraid of sleeping while surrounded by strangers, you should know they are sleeping as well.”

“But you’re awake.”

“Ah, so are you worried about me?” The concern in his eyes seemed sincere. “I’m sorry. I’m so used to this schedule that my body doesn’t feel the need to sleep until the sun is almost rising. But I can change my seat if you want.”

“No, wait!” You put your hand on his arm when you noticed he was really going to leave. “There’s no other seat available, you can stay.”

“Are you sure? I can sit next to the driver on the floor if it’s gonna make you feel more comfortable. It’s not as if I’ve never done it before.”

The way he spoke, full of concern, was mesmerizing to you. It had been a few years since someone cared about you like that. So, against your common sense, you felt safe with him.

“No. Please stay.” You repeated.

“Will you sleep even with me by your side? I don’t want to be responsible for your lack of sleep.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from smiling after listening to his words.

“Trust me,” you said, getting comfortable and closing your eyes. “If I don’t have good dreams, it won’t be your fault.”

Considering he had been so talkative since he sat by your side, you were forced to open your eyes to understand why he didn’t speak after what you said.

When you opened your eyes, you found his dark ones focused on you.

Feeling a little dizzy with the intensity of his stare, you took a deep breath and bit your lower lip.

“Is there another reason why you wouldn’t sleep well?” He asked and somehow his voice sounded more hoarse.

“I have nightmares.”

You felt like the most stupid person in the world, being enchanted by his concern and revealing your secret. But you couldn’t stop the words from leaving your mouth. And when the look in his eyes didn’t change to a pitiful one, you felt your heart jump in your chest.

After a little silent moment, Namjoon smiled again.

“I’m sure this won’t happen this time, and if it does, I’ll be right here for you to talk.”

You couldn’t believe a man like him - gorgeous, kind and sympathetic - didn’t act like everyone else and made you feel uncomfortable.

“I really hope you are right,” you said, reciprocating his smile.

“Sweet dreams, miss Y/N,” he said before you closed your eyes.

You knew it wouldn’t take long for you to fall asleep because you were already feeling exhausted, but you thought it would take longer than it actually did.

You were always prepared to hear the screams and shots, to see the blood, and to feel the fear all over again. That was what used to happen every time you closed your eyes. But it was exactly the opposite of what happened that night.

Although you have to admit the dream you had started like your nightmares, it soon vanished and changed into a new dream, one that was full of happiness, with you running through an evergreen field with the biggest smile on your face.

In your new dream, there was someone waiting for you under an ancient tree. It was a tall, beautiful man with light golden hair, and he had prepared a picnic with all your favorites: shrimp sandwiches, fried chicken, dessert, different cookies, fruit juices, and soft drinks. It was simply a perfect dream, one you’ve wanted since your past became a dark one.

Because of the beautiful pictures and the amazing time you were having in your dream, you shoved the hand that was shaking your arm to awake you. But the person was persistent and you finally woke up.

Even though you wanted to feel angry at Namjoon, the fact that you just had the best dream of your life forced a grin to appear on your face when you stared at his dark eyes.

“You look happier than when you fell asleep,” he said, reciprocating your smile.

“I feel happier,” you answered while stretching yourself.

“I guess I was right then, you didn’t have a nightmare.”

“Yeah, you were right, and I thank you for that.”

“I didn’t do anything,” he chuckled.

That was when you noticed you really needed to thank him. You didn’t know if it was his presence, or his words, or just the fact that you were in his miracle city, but somehow you slept really well and you needed to thank someone. Since Namjoon was the only person you knew on that bus, you could just thank him.

Besides, the happiness your new sweet dream made you feel was awakening in you the urge to talk with him like he talked to you before.

“Can I tell you a secret?” The words escaped your mouth before you could think about it, but you didn’t regret it.

“Of course you can,” Namjoon answered, turning his upper body to face you straight in the eyes, the gentle smile still on his face, which meant the dimples were there too.

“It’s been years since I slept more than an hour.”

His eyebrow lifting was the only proof of his surprise.

“When I was fifteen years old, I was at a bank with my parents,” you explained. “Five thieves broke into the bank and made everyone inside it a hostage. My father was military, so he tried to disarm one of the thieves while the bank securities tried to disarm two others. They were outnumbered, so it was useless. What happened next was fast, but I remember all the details. The thieves killed my father and the securities, my mother tried to get close to my father’s body and was killed too. The only reason why I’m still alive is because a woman behind me stopped me from moving when I saw my parents dying.”

You just stopped your narrative to take a deep breath, but you noticed you couldn’t go on, and Namjoon noticed too.

“Then your mind forced you to relive all of it every night,” he finished for you, and you just agreed with a small movement of your head. “I’m sorry about it, and now I’m even happier about the fact that I was right.”

“You were right, and I feel like I should thank you for being right.”

“Again, you don’t have to thank me. You know what they say about this city.”

“So, this is just another miracle.”

You could believe that now, even though you had the feeling it was Namjoon’s words that made that happen.

“A miracle never is just a miracle,” he said, tilting his head to the side and watching carefully every movement of yours. “Especially for the person who experiences it.”

“You’re right again.”

You were feeling so excited that you wanted to jump in place or give Namjoon a bear hug to express your gratefulness.

“We arrived,” he said with a chuckle, probably noticing your excitement.

You both stood up and got out of the bus.

The bus station was small and quiet, but you weren’t expecting anything else since it was so late at night. The other passengers of the bus passed by you and Namjoon when you both stopped in the middle of the station, and they greeted Namjoon before leaving.

“Where are you staying?” He asked, detracting your attention from the other passengers.

“I booked a room at the inn,” you answered.

You knew you were saying too much to that stranger, but you had the feeling that he was a good person and just wanted to help you.

“I’ll walk you there then,” he said, reaching out his hand to show you the way.

It was the first time since you were fifteen years old that you talked so much to another person. But you couldn’t help it if it was so easy to talk to Namjoon. He was kind and good at listening, and he wasn’t afraid of sharing the same amount of information that you were giving to him. You didn’t even feel tired with the walk and didn’t notice the time passing by.

When it dawned on you, you were at the inn entrance. The brightness inside showed you it was opened and there was someone to attend on you.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” you said, turning to face Namjoon’s dark eyes.

“It was my pleasure,” he reached out his hand for you to shake, which you took with pleasure. “Besides, I live at the next door.”

“Really?” You were genuinely and happily surprised by that information.

Namjoon just answered with a movement of his head, and the silent that proceeds his answer made you realize he didn’t let go of your hand. You looked at your hands together and then turned your gaze to his face again.

His broad smile turned into a small grin, and when he spoke, his voice sounded very hoarse and intense, “I feel like I shouldn’t let go of your hand.”

You took a deep breath to keep your composure. You wanted to tell him not to lose your hand, but you knew you had to know him better. And you really wanted to know him better.

“You can take it again tomorrow,” you said, biting your lower lip.

“For how long will you stay here?”

“I don’t know yet, but I don’t actually have a deadline.”

“Let’s meet tomorrow then,” he said while his smile grew bigger again, and you reciprocated it.

After he let go of your hand, you entered the inn and found an old male receptionist waiting for you with a kind grin. You made the check-in, and he took you to your room. On your way up the stairs, the kind man decided to talk to you.

“You look very happy for someone who is still awake at this late at night.”

“The bus ride was actually very good, I’ve never slept so well,” you answered with a bright smile to the old man.

“Did you sleep on the bus?” He asked while opening your room door.

“I did, very well by the way.”

“Of course you slept well,” he said with a mysterious grin. “Do you know why people don’t say what are the miracles that happen to them in this city?” He whispered.

“That was actually one of my questions when I found out about this place,” you whispered too even though you couldn’t understand why you were doing that.

“It is easier for them to say it was a miracle than to say they encountered a bulgasari on their way.”

“A bulgasari? Like in the creature that eats iron?” That conversation was even stranger than you talking to Namjoon about your past without knowing anything about him.

“A bulgasari doesn’t eat only iron,” the man said, holding the doorknob as he started to close the door. “It also eats nightmares.”

And with that, he left you alone in the room with wide eyes.

So that was the reason why you didn’t have a nightmare that night? Did Namjoon believed in that creature and that’s why he said you weren’t going to have another nightmare? Could you believe in that?

It was already difficult for you to believe that the city could be miraculous, but believe in a magical creature that eats iron and nightmares existed? It sounded stupid to you, and you refused to believe in that.

Besides, you wouldn’t stay in the city knowing there was such creature in there, even if it was one that helped you, you never know when a bulgasari would turn evil. And you really wanted to meet Namjoon again.

With that in mind, you laid in bed and prayed that the dream you were having on the bus could continue. Once again, unconsciousness took you very fast.

Your mouth opened in a large smile when you stared at the tall man under the tree. He passed his arms around your waist and you passed yours around his neck.

Namjoon then leaned in your direction and his hoarse voice whispered in your ear.

“I told you, right? No more nightmares, love, just sweet dreams.”

[starper-art]

Part 3: Janet and Michael (2x06)

These are all my personal thoughts. Reading this be ready that in this house shipp hellstrop. So.. some ideas look far-fetched because I love them, okay? I'm not responsible for the fire in your ass.

(very sad that there can not add more than ten attachments. because of that, I couldn't illustrate everything I wanted) Let's start!

The value of this episode is obvious. It has a lot of HUMAN FEELINGS in creatures that are not human \_(ツ)_/

1. Michael pauses significantly before speaking about the "true" cause of the problem.Then he reads the words about the "incompatible with objective truth" entirely, but still stumbles. Michael realizes that he could have HURT Janet when he was bad. We see him realizing that his actions have serious consequences. And he feels bad because Janet has to PAY FOR his MISTAKES.

2. Janet says Michael is wrong and she proves it(she's a smart "not a robot"). God, Michael definitely hates feeling stupid/wrong, but now he's even glad it's not his fault. A little later he got to the truth faster than Janet and was very happy and we hear it in his voice.

Do you know how he guessed ? * whispering* from his own experience, though he probably hasn't realized it himself yet..

3. And right now I want to draw your attention to the arrival of Chidi.

Michael won't even look at him because:

Janet is more important to him

there is a direct parallel with Janet's attitude to  j/t

Michael's not happy to help Chidi, but he's doing it to make Eleanor happy.

4. I can't keep quiet about  how Janet acts, when she realizes that she is not happy for J/T. The dialogue between Janet and Michael is like a conversation between two people because they both experience emotions. And we see on Janet's face a sincere confusion (not an imitation, as before).

While Michael mixed the two feelings: he's glad that Janet has evolved so much that she can feel affection(and maybe he feels more connection between them... You know.. from-for unrequited love..), but in the same time he is concerned about failures.. uhh.

5. Janet asks Michael to kill her.

Michael doesn't know what she means right away. because he doesn't even allow the thought of losing Janet at all. And when Michael hears the word "DESTRUCT" his face loses all the joy he felt.

There is a very important detail in the next scene: Michael is reading the instructions.

Michael has EMPATHY. Janet does not realize the TRAGEDY of her death, and Michael certainly remembers the procedures that await him in RETIREMENT and he looks miserable.

5.Janet persuades Michael.

He sees the spoon and freezes. Memories catch up with him. Here we see Michael SENTIMENTAL. It makes him look really human. Michael doesn't need another Janet because he feels connected to our Janet. It is NOT based on LOGIC. Because in fact what he could get from the new Janet: a new organism(not a person, not a girl, not a robot) which will run properly. But Michael doesn't need that. He needs an unstable Janet. Janet is capable of lies and feelings. HIS Janet. So it expressed the AFFECTION of Michael, which again violates the principles of demons (remember my favorite cut the price of "Existential crisis"(2х04) where Michael talks about the relationship).

Michael: None of us exist outside our jobs. We have no homes, no hobbies or relationships.

6. Bonus! For all we know, Janet was the first creature to witness Michael's neurosis, and she asked him to trust her. And he trusted.

7. Ted Danson is killing me with his facial expressions. I literally feel like it's hard for Michael when he's going to use a paper clip.

Of course, Michael's trying to get away from the real reason why he can't kill Janet. But our clever "not a girl" of course gets to the truth. And Michael was so concerned that it begins to repeat the reasons. And of course (I LOVE THAT SCENE BECAUSE "THERE ARE REASONS, JANET!!") recognition of Michael and crying Ted (And D'arcy, too) (ITS KILL ME).

8. And now these "two peasvin a pod" are sitting and one of them feels uncomfortable and embarrassed because he is not used to express his feelings (OHhhh) but in the end, he's glad he did.

Dessert:

Janet: I'm so glad we're friends.

Michael: me, too.

What we have in total:

Michael feels guilty and accepts it

Michael's empathy

Apathy(he ignores Chidi)

Hopelessness(when he realized that killing Janet made sense)

Michael's sentimental

Michael feels an emotional attachment (and violates the principles of demons)

Michael's protective mechanism (he does not recognize the truth of the reason)

Michael's crying

Michael causes empathy have Janet!(SHE STILL HAS NO BLOOD, BUT THERE ARE TEARS)

previous part (2):

[dreams-of-wings]

Friends Don't

Warnings: Some swearing, mentions of drinking, mentions of tragedy, this is my first song fic, so im sorry if it sucks :c other than that though, none unless you count tooth rotting fluff as a warning. So cheesy, Mikey might lather it on some pizza. For the sake of the story eveyone is at least of drinking age. I do not condone underaged drinking.

Multiverse!Raphael x Reader (feel free to imagine any version of him you want, I don't think I went too into detail)

Song: Friends Don't - Maddie & Tae

Requested by: @societyslostone

The realization was a slow one, for not just you, but him too. To the both of you, you were just best friends, though the brothers couldn't to hide the fact that they could feel the sometimes awkward tension between you and the red clad terrapin. It was subtle, but noticeable none the less - touches that would linger, gazes that would last a little too long, and the fact that Raph would sometimes stare at you like you put the moon and the stars in the night time sky just for him, was hard to ignore.

So here you are, laying in a bathtub full of warm water as you thought about your time knowing your sewer dwelling friend, with the radio blaring in the background.

They don't cancel other plans

You had planned a day out with your friends. Nothing wild, hopefully, you all were just planning on going to the mall or something, maybe going to an arcade and then later hitting up the nearest restaurant for some food. You had just got done getting dressed with and were currently looking at yourself in the mirror to make sure you looled okay, when suddenly your phone rings - the familiar ringtone you had set for Raph playing through the speakers. You practically jumped your phone before answering.

"Hey, Big Red, what's up?"

"You doing anything shorty?"

You glanced at yourself in the mirror once more and shrugged, "Not particularly."

"Cool," he nodded on the other side of the phone, leaning on one of the columns in his and Mikey's shared room, "You up for coming over?"

Now having your headphones plugged in and your phone in your jean pocket, you threw on a black denim jacket, "Sure!"

You both said your goodbyes before hanging up, and you dialed your friends number - waiting patiently at the ringer. You relaxed yourself and cleared your throat before they answered.

"Hey," you pulled off a slightly raspy sleepy sounding voice, "Don't think I'll be able to go out with you guys today, I've got this killer headache, and I just...feel warm and light headed."

You listened to your friend on the other line, nodding as they told you to stay home and eat soup, "Don't die, and drink lots of fluids."

"I'll try."

No sooner after you hung up, you were already leaving out your fire escape, watching the street to make sure you didn't see any vehicles you recognized before descending down the metal stairwell and heading for the turtles lair.

Have conversations with nothing but their eyes

You and Raph were currently hanging out in the makeshift kitchen (it was his turn to wash the dishes and you had decided to keep him company). The two of you were bantering about nothing and everything when Leo walked in to grab something to much on from the fridge. As soon as he came in the two of you went silent, and you glanced at Leo before looking back at Raph, who had done the same. You nudged you head slightly in Leo's direction, and Raph shrugged in reply before raising a brow at you. You snickered in response, causing the blue clad leader to turn and look at you.

"What?" He went back to looking through the pantry.

You shook your head, "Nothing." You cleared your throat before your turned to look at Raph, who was looking back at you with a smirk on his face. There was a very brief momemt of science while you fought back a grin of your own only to let out a chuckle.

Leo looked at the two of you suspiciously, before rolling his eyes and exiting the kitchenette with his chosen snack.

Now the both of you were laughing.

They don't hear each other's names and forget to concentrate

Hits a nerve and lights you up like dynamite

Raph had been on the punching bag at the time, practicing his hooks and jabs when he heard Mikey say your name. He stopped, breathing ragged from how intensely he had been focusing before he placed a large green hand on the red sand bag to slow down it's movements.

He couldn't even hear his brothers conversation, but regardless, now he was just starting at the two of them on the couch, lost in thought before he blinked and shook his head, walking away from the punching back to grab something to drink, and maybe give you a call.

They don't almost say "I love you"

When they're downtown somewhere, just a little drunk

You were a giggling mess as you and your group of three all leaned on eachother for support. You weren't off your ass drunk, but you were buzzed enough to find a little bit of everything funny, and not to think things through.

"You should call your guy friend," one of your more plastered friends hiccuped, "Tell him to join us!" They didn't know who or what Raph was, hell they didn't even know his name - They just knew you knew him, and that his name on your phone was 'Big Red' but that was about it. Without hesitation you pulled out your phone.

"Oooooh!" Your friends chorused as they and you jerked to a stop in the middle of the side walk under a lamp post.

Raph picked up after the second ring, "Shorty?"

"Hey, Big Red." He could already tell based on the sound of your voice that you were a little drunk.

"Oh my god," the girls were drunkenly swooning over your nickname for him, making kissy nooses in the background.

You snickered and tried but failed to elbow one of them in the ribs.

"You alright?" He had to ask, it was an honest question. Being drunk and out late at night wasn't exactly a hazard free scenario.

"Yeeah!" You giggled as one of your friends pushed their ear up to your phone, "Just wondering what you were up to."

"Hanging out, watching tv with my brothers."

"Oof, that voice," the one with her ear on the phone said, "He's got brothers?" She slurred.

"Are they single???" Your other companion piped up.

The girl closes to you snickered, "[Y/N]'s got dibs on 'Big Red'," she finally stepped away from you and headed over to the other and they both hung onto each other.

"You be careful out there, shorty."

You nodded, "I will," a stupid smile on your face, "Good night Raph-ie."

You friends were cooing and making wolf whistles in the background.

"Good night, short stuff."

You were leaning on the lamp post now, "I l-" you paused mid sentence.

There was a moment of silence.

"Shorty?"

The mere thought of almost saying 'I love you' to Raph was sobering, the feeling of your stomach dropping due to the nervous butterflies was enough to knock the rest of the alcohol out of your system.

"I'll talk to you later," you ended the call.

They don't talk about the future and put each other in it

"Okay!" You were currently rolled onto your back in bed, on the phone with Raphael, while he was currently laying propped up against the wall on his bed with his arms crossed.

"But just theoretically speaking, what if you could come to the surface." You were playing with your hair.

"What if the world knew you and they were okay with it," You shrughed, "I mean sure the road will be bumpy, but I mean there are still humans that can't accept people just because of their skin color or their beliefs so of course it would be hard."

He was quiet in the other line for a moment.

"But just think about it, if everyone could move past that, and you and your brothers could leave the sewers what would your do?"

"Finally treat you," he snickered and you chuckled with him. You has always talked about places you wanted to take him. The brothers had lived in New York all their lives, but they hardly got experience it because they had to stay in hiding.

"Finally come in through your door and not your window."

"I dunno, sneaking in through the window's kinda cool. Makes me think of all those superhero comics and how's where they visit the girl through her window."

And get chills with every accidental touch

It happened again - something tragic on the news. You had been with the turtles at the time, and Donnie called you and the brothers over to look at the news that was on one of his monitors. You watched with sad eyes, things like this were happening too often now, and something needed to be done about it. But what could you do? Hell what could the turtles do? It was in another state. You hadn't known your hands were shaking, or that you were gravitating towards Raphael till the knuckles of your hands met. The shaking stopped and you looped your ring and pinky finger around his third digit; he almost instantly closed his finger around yours. You looked up at him, face heating up slightly and hairs on the back of your neck standing on end, but his eyes were still on the monitors though his muscles were visibly tence.

I keep telling myself this might be nothing

But one look in your eyes and, God, there's something

You and the large terrapin had been joking around on the couch while watching some rom com movie that was on tv, and the two of you glanced at eachother at the same time - big stupid grins on your faces as you shared a laugh.

Though when the laughter died down you both continued to stare, big smiles still on your faces and you could swear there was a spark of something in Raphael's eye. You cleared your throat and looked down at your hands before looking back to the tv, Raph doing the same soon after.

You can lie to me and say you don't

But I know you do, and I love you too

"Just kiss already!" Mikey blurted out in frustration while you and Raph were in the middle of a heated argument.

"Shut up, Mikey!" Raph growled at his younger brother, taking a threatimening step closer to the orange masked turtle, and the smaller of the two hurried away.

"I wouldn't kiss her!" He shouted after his retreating sibling, a snarl still plastered on his face before he turned back to look at you and your blank stare.

"I mean-" he didn't want you to think he didn't like you, "I didn't mean it like that-"

You silenced him by raising your hand, giving him a tight lipped smile, "It's fine, let's just give it a rest for now," and walking away.

Friends don't call you in the middle of the night

Couldn't even tell you why

They just felt like saying "hi"

"Hmmph..." You groaned groggily as you rolled over in your bed to face your night stand, taking the loudly ringing and wildly buzzing phone off the furniture before answering, not even bothering to check the caller ID.

"Hello?" Your voice was raspy and quiet as you tried to wake yourself up.

"Shorty? Sorry were you sleeping?" You instantly recognized Raph deep voice nd Brooklyn accent.

You immediately try to sit up right, failing a couple times as you stumbled to prop yourself up on one hand, "No, No," you tried to untangle yourself from your blanket, "I've been up for hours."

"Did you need something?" You tried to hide a yawn as he chuckled from the other side of the phone.

"Nah, just wanted to say hi, maybe talk for a bit."

Friends don't stand around, playing with their keys

Finding reasons not to leave

Trying to hide the chemistry

You and Raph were standing around in the dark ally way close to where you had parked your car. You wanted to head home and he had offered to walk you back to the surface. Now the two of you were just talking about random things, thinhs that would normally be saved for phone conversations, but that didn't matter. You just were having a hard time saying goodbye, and you both talked about your plans for tomorrow as you fiddled with the keychain on your keyring.

Drive a little too slow, take the long way home

After a while you had just decided to leave your car let Raph take you home.

"I'll pick it up on my way to work," was your reasoning, even though you didn't work anywhere near the area. You approached him and he immediately picked you up, hugging you against his plastron with one arm while he used the other to help him scale the fire escape ladder that lead to the roof, and the two of you continued at a slow walking pace from there towards your apartment building.

Get a little too close

You and Raph had been sitting in your apartment, watching tv. It had started with just your knees touching and then maybe your pinky brushed against his third finger. You two were binging movies, and when he moved to lay back against the arm rest of the couch you repositioned yourself accordingly - laying against his plastron with both your legs up on the couch. You laughed at a scene that you both thought was funny or stupid.

"Dumbass," you snickered at the snarky comment and turned to look up at your turtle friend, him doing the same as he looked at you. Your faces were just a few inches apart and you could feel his warm breath on your face.

We do

But friends don't