#and it’s still difficult some days. but I’m own my way to the airport to go on holiday with the same group of friends. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dearweirdme · 2 months ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/765691014325452800/httpswwwtumblrcomdearweirdme7656128619764121

Hi Rain!

So here is how I see it (mostly my subjective speculations of course)

BSH had this troublemaker free spirit in his hands. On one hand, he knew what a huge and unique potential Tae had (as visual, character, artistry etc) so he couldn’t leave him out. But on the other hand, he knew that Tae would be the hardest to control. So what to do? He made sure to control him through the people Tae cares (his bandmates), treat him as an afterthought to beat his self confidence, make him feel like he is not needed but try to use him for your gain with the amount you want and all that manipulate games…

Tae shouldn’t be too front to shadow others but also intriguing enough to draw new audiences (it is well known and accepted that DNA was the breakthrough, a first step to worldwide success and guess who mostly caught new audiences eyes first?) so Tae has been a double edged sword since the beginning. His unique qualities and free spirit is what draw the audience but also make him difficult to control. Do you remember Tae’s birthday live when he was spoiling his songs and when staff reacted to that he said "what can company do? Fire me?" That was the self confidence that BSH was afraid of but well… :)

Imo, at the beginning, other guys tried to keep him under control but then they also (probably) realized all those control attempts were suffocating Tae and they were losing him anyway (hence his leaving attempts in 2018 and sugar’s letter to him and jk). I always think that Suga (especially) kept saying either 7 or 0 for the fans but also a message to company that they are all or nothing. Especially things changed when JK clearly stand on his side, imo, that changed the balance a LOT.

Once they (or most of them) backed him, BSH didn’t have much in his hands but manipulate him from outside… And because of his very good communication skils, that also didn’t work that well, imo. Because I remember many instances that can ended any idol’s career didn’t work on Tae at all (his smoking pictures, friend zoning fans from the get go, that airport scene when he reacted to stalker and lastly suing that woman with JK etc etc) He was seen as a disobedient rebel all along anyway, so in a way, this image saved him and bite BSH in the ass.

And Tae has been very smart in solo period, creating his own connections, making friends with important people in SK entertainment business as well as international brands (I think he didn’t have enough time to work on international part but I am sure he will after ms) he focused on entertainment shows to present himself directly to the audience as Kim Taehyung and it mostly worked. He is in the military and still on the news. And this Hybe situation is a mess and I know there is a manipulation operation on him to make him the bad guy but I don’t think it works. Any sane person can see that he has been a victim of the company and he stood his ground grounds.

Hi anon!

Sorry for having you wait for a reply for a couple of days (weird week, I wasn’t in the right headspace.. I’m fine now 😊). I’m gonna leave your thoughts here and just add my own, I think we find some overlap there.

I feel Bang Pd is a selfish and quite possibly an actual narcissistic person (though ofcourse it’s hard to diagnose). The way he inserts himself in footage, the way he uses members achievements to prop up himself, the abuse I think his artists go through. I think he’s ruthless. What you often see with narcissists, is how they will hate someone who takes away their sense of importance. I think, by Tae being Tae even at a young age, that’s what happened. I think Tae’s freespiritness and the way he carried him and just attracts attention might’ve irked Bang Pd early on. Him not having known Tae’s name for a year, to me feels like he wanted to make Tae feel small. The decision to have him be a hidden member, also made Tae feel small. I think he listened to his advisors and knew from a business perspective Tae is valuable, but he needed to mold him into someone he could just use. He probably wasn’t open about it, and he was probably even able to argue why he needed things to be the way they were, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see some personal dislike there at all. It’s total speculation from my side, but I think Tae played to Bang Pd’s insecurities just by being himself… and that’s why Tae never got the full spotlight. It can’t be his lack of talent, it can’t be his personality, it can’t be his working ethics.. so yeah.. I’m putting my money on it being unfair.

Now I think all members have had their own issues that they had to deal with. The music industry is an environment that I think causes hurt in many different ways (body image issues, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, mental abuse, physical abuse, forced substance abuse, lack of medical care, homophobia, closeting, forced plastic surgery, and the list goes on and on). I’m not saying all members went to any of these things, but I also think it’s naive to think only Tae has suffered from the hands of the company… and I just wanted to shine a light on that as well. We don’t know what goes on behind doors and we cannot know all the different waya the members have suffered. We ofcourse focus on Tae and Jk, but Tae and Jk are just a part of BTS and it’s absolutely realistic in my eyes that they as a band had to have all of their backs at some point. I think for instance that a lot of Jk’s care and concern towards Jm comes from Jk knowing when Jm has it tough (a different kind of tough, but tough nonetheless). I think they all know how tough Namjoon had it and they made attempts to, if only momentarily, lighten the load for him. I do think at one point they decided it’s 7 or nothing.. and imo that moment was probably heightened at the 2018 talks. I don’t think it was just Tae and Jk who were considering leaving, but probably several of them on different levels of seriousness. I do think there was a whole different level of concern and doubt present with Tae and Jk. For them signing on again meant having to keep hiding for the length of their new contract. That’s not an easy thing to sign on for, but them loving what they do (performing) and wanting a long career, knowing the other members have their backs must’ve made up their minds for them.

I’ve seen discussion on the other members having let the company abuse and neglect Tae, and I was saddened by that. Because, it goes against what Tae himself does. He signed on again for the members. I think that statement to some maybe doesn’t carry the weight it should. Imo it doesn’t mean that Tae signed on because he felt he owed it to them. Had he not genuinely felt they have his back and has he himself felt they leave him at the mercy of the company.. he would have left them. Because even though he has no say in some things, I do believe the power to resign lies with him and I think him capable of making good decisions for himself. I think the members make Tae feel like it’s worth it. I think they build him up, they comfort him, they value him, they make him feel like he belongs. That’s what they all do for each other.

As to Tae and Jk, I think most likely they suffered in equal but different ways. Not only would they be affected by what the other goes through, but both of them have had to hide and do things to keep hidden. Both of them have felt the same pressure and, though in different ways, Jk has also been used by the company. We talk about Tae being a free spirit, but I think Jk is also one. Jk isn’t able to fully Jk as much as Tae isn’t able to fully Tae. Jk’s music might’ve been pushed by the company in ways that Tae will never be, but his achievements have been taken and used for Bang Pd’s benefit. They talk about him as if he’s their creation. Jk’s insecurities about why people love him, don’t just come from nowhere. He’s been made to believe he has to fit a mold. I think the members all flocked around them, because they actually know and love them both and because they recognize (all of them, because they themselves are in it too) how wrong the company is.

I think the company’s main goal and interest lies in BTS as a group. I think these solo projects have been hugely used to keep fandom interest up (as has Taennie, as has Ays) and they fully want to collect every last drop of money they can before BTS goes on hiatus or whatever form they take on after reunion. They probably already suspect which members will sign on individually and which won’t.. which might explain the different levels of company push.

I probably went all kind of ways here (always fun to see my adhd reflected in my writing 🙈). There’s so much more to say, because it’s not a simple situation at all. There’s probably things at play none of us can even imagine.

#taekook #tae #members

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women-are-hot · 2 years ago

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would love an Alexia fic

request: The team is waiting in an airport lounge for the plane and the reader gets really tired but finds the chairs uncomfortable so Alexia lets her use her as a pillow

Vacation Love

Note: i've made a tiny change in your request, but i hope you'll still like it. this could possible get a part 2, but let's see ho y'all take this part firstly. also, merry christmas to y'all and stay safe <3

Warnings: literally just fluff. i still can't spanish :/

You had just woken up, because you had to catch a flight later in the morning to Hawaii.

“I’m sorry to wake you, but we have to get ready, amor” your girlfriend, Alexia said which made you groan.

“Why so earlyyy?” you asked, cover your head in the duvet. Alexia rolled her eyes as your childish & sleepy side was showing. Then she decided to take action in her own hands and picked you up.

“Ale, put me down” your sleepy voice said into Alexia’s shoulder.

“No, because then you will go back to bed”

“You know me so well, babe,” you replied with a chuckle coming from your girlfriend.

—

After Alexia had splashed some cold water in your face and runned for her life with you on her heels, you started packing the last few things before the taxi would come.

“When will the taxi come?” you asked, stepping into the kitchen as Alexia was packing some snacks.

“The taxi should be here in 10 minutes, so just get ready” your girlfriend answered, making you squeal quietly and Alexia looking weird at you. Then you ran into the living room and jumped on the couch.

You could almost have fallen asleep right at that second, but your girlfriend had other plans.

“I know what you’re on” she said and once again tried to pick you up, but this time you tried to fight back and stay down.

Your plan didn’t work tho…

You just ended up on Alexia’s shoulders and her carrying you to your front door.

“Shoes on,” she said. You gave her a disgusted look.

“I’m not a child” you responded, still looking at her with a disgusted face.

Alexia just smirked. “Put your shoes on,” she once again said. You gave her the most evil face you could pull off and then put your shoes on.

“Good girl” she said after you had taken your shoes on.

“I’m a dog now or what?” you asked and crossed your arms. Alexia just shrugged her arms and opened the front door while you rolled your eyes at her.

—

On the way to the airport, you two planned on what to do on a trip to Hawaii. You were really excited to see Alexia’s sister and mother as you’ve been working a lot in these christmas days and haven’t had much time to be with them, so a vacation is the only real thing to do with them in your opinion.

“They're always really excited to finally see you again. Todo lo que hacen es hablar de ti” (All they do is talk about you) Alexia told you as you walked hand in hand towards her family at your gate.

Just as Alexia had told you that, you saw a girl running your way and it just happened to be Alexia’s little sister Alba aka your best friend.

“Y/N” she yelled, making a few people look at her which made you a bit shy. Alba didn’t care though. She hasn’t seen her best friend in December, so she had to have a nice welcome back to my life, a hug and that stuff, you know.

“Hi Alba” you said and opened your arms as she ran into them. You hugged for some time, before Alexia coughed fakely, giving her you and her sisters attention.

“I’m also here, so hug me por favor” Alexia said. Alba put her finger under her chin, pretending to make a very difficult choice.

“Muy divertido” (Very funny) Alexia mumbled and then dragged Alba into her arms for a hug.

As they had their sister moment, you spotted Alexia’s mother and made a little run over to her, giving her a big hug.

“Hola mi chica” she said and gave both of your cheeks kisses.

“Hola Eli” you replied with a big smile as Alexia and Alba had joined the two of you.

After all of you said your hello’s and then found a place to sit, you finally had your chance to sleep as the flight first took off in 90 minutes.

You tried to find a position to sleep in, but this stupid chair was just so uncomfortable.

“Love?” you heard and your eyes met Alexia’s.

“Qué?” you asked.

“You can use me as a pillow if you want?”

“Oh, you don’t have to, babe-” “But I want to,” Alexia interrupted.

“Fine, but don’t you dare move. I actually want to sleep in just 30 minutes” you told her.

“Just lay down!” she said and made a bit of space for you.

You gave her a little shy smile.

“Gracias” you replied and quickly gave your girlfriend a kiss on the cheek and then laid down with your head in her lap.

Alexia returned the kiss with some lovely head massage as she knew you loved.

“No puedo. Ustedes son tan lindas” (I can't. You two are so cute!) Alba squealed, seeing her two favorite best friends being in love.

Alexia gave her a soft smile, not wanting to wake you up.

“Será mejor que te cases con ella pronto” (You better marry her soon) Alexia’s mother added quietly, but enough for her daughters to hear.

“Estoy planeando hacerlo” (I'm planning to do it) Alexia replied in Spanish as she didn’t want you to hear the news.

Alexia’s family gave her a side eye with a smile before going back to their game of uno.

#woso imagines #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso #gxg #espwnt imagine #espwnt x reader #espwnt imagines #alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas imagines

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adiluv-moved · 2 years ago

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♡ JOHN DOE + PROMPTS 12 / 32. ˚⊹꒷

﹕₊˚ʚ🍫ɞ・[word count] total ─ 1632; prompt 12 ─ 972; prompt 32 ─ 660.

﹕₊˚ʚ🖤ɞ・[warnings] yandere character [technically, no yandere behavior demonstrated], not edited/proofread.

﹕₊˚ʚ🍷ɞ・[adi moment] second part of the event! these prompts were requested by @/arthurswine, and were the ones that i accidentally got all mixed up. i can’t remember if the valley has an airport or not [i tried to look for info but just didn’t find it], and i just assumed it did - please only quote me on that if i’m right - but i hope you enjoy! ꒰ㅅ´ ˘ `꒱

this is a part of my 200 follower / valentine's day event! you can view the event post here!

♡ prompt 12 / long distance. ˚⊹꒷

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Your day is relatively average when your cell phone starts to ring. It’s completely unexpected, too, with you lounging at the gas station’s counter (another slow day, it seems) when your ringtone breaks through the dull humming of the refrigerators. You're shocked to find that the contact displayed on the screen doesn’t belong to Doe, but is instead one for a friend that you were close with outside of the Valley. There’s a soft smile on your face as you tap the accept button and raise the device to your air, but the subtly sweet mood is broken when you hear their panicked voice.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・It’s somewhat difficult to understand what they’re saying, considering how fast their talking and the deeply worried tone in their voice, though you’re able to understand enough for you to decide that you’ll have to temporarily leave the Valley. So, that night, you find yourself sitting cross-legged on the living room floor with your dusty suitcase as you pack in any essential belongings, with Doe watching over the scene with a look of confusion plastered onto his face. Doe would try his best to stay calm while you explain the situation, with his worries being (mostly) dissipated when you emphasize that you’ll only be out of the Valley for a week or two - max. Even if he’s still a bit sad when he realizes that you’ll be gone for Valentine’s Day, he’ll support you wholeheartedly and even try to help you pack.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Sure, it sucks that the plans you two had made are essentially canceled, but there was plenty of time to do something together once you get back. He won’t try and force you to stay, nor would he want you to stay out of your own will (he understands that you have a life outside of him), though you can most certainly expect a lot of clinginess and melting at the airport. He might even try to sneak past security and follow you to the plane so he can have just a bit of extra time with you before you’re gone, though all of his attempts would be much too obvious to succeed. Instead, he just ends up desperately leaning over the barriers and waving like he’d never see you again - a sight that brings red to your cheeks and a slight chuckle to emerge from your throat.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Luckily, the flight itself ends up being mostly uneventful, with the plane only having a small turbulence on the way to your old home. You end up passing out for most of the trip, and you’re greeted by loads upon loads of text messages from Doe when you finally disembark and check your phone. It doesn’t help that his texting style is very broken up and erratic, either, with each sentence being split into at least two or three separate texts. Your friend, who was waiting for you at the airport, is incredibly concerned to see them, and you end up explaining all of the things that happened within the Valley. They start staring at you like you’re crazy before you even finish. A quick facetime with Doe does end up confirming everything, though, and you take the opportunity to introduce him to your friend. It takes some time for them to warm up to each other, but they’re at least acquaintances by the time you hang up.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Oh, and all of those text messages from Doe? They aren’t a one time thing. He’ll text and call you as though it’s his last day on Earth, as if it’s the only chance that he’ll ever have to talk to you for the rest of his days. While it’s incredibly endearing at first, considering the genuine happiness that’s apparent in his tone when you answer his phone calls or respond to his texts, it does start to become a bit too overbearing - more so with the differences in time and the fact that Doe doesn’t have human needs in the same way that you do. You end up having to explain the concepts of different time zones to him, as well as the fact that it’s too overwhelming to be texted every second of the day, both of which being concepts that take some time for him to grasp. Once he understands, however, he’ll do his best to lay off of you a bit, something that you appreciate. He’ll also do his best to take care of the apartment while you're gone (which he does surprisingly well at, considering his messier disposition), and you show him some outside movies and scenery.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・You do something similar of Valentine’s Day itself, taking him all around your old home and showing him all of the different places that you had used to visit. You show him your favorite café, your favorite park, even the old place that you had used to live, all while telling him about the differences between life in and outside of the Valley. His eyes are practically glued to the screen as you walk around, with him musing about how ‘strange’ your world was as he looks on at the different scenes. The decorations sitting in all of the storefronts can’t help but catch his interest, either, and you pick him out a few things to bring home as gifts. Doe also gets you some things for the holiday, all of which ranging from somewhat normal to things that look… Well, bizarre would be an understatement. (His grip on the phone is incredibly shaky due to how excited he is, so it might just be that.) You both end the day by watching some movies and shows until you pass out, and Doe is quick to join once he notices your soft breathing. Maybe not the Valentine’s Day that you were expecting, but it wasn’t all that bad.

♡ prompt 32 / dancing. ˚⊹꒷

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Even though it would be absolutely hilarious for Doe to somehow magically be a good (or, let’s be honest - even decent) dancer, there is no way you could ever even convince me to consider the idea of him not having two left feet. (That statement is metaphorical, but there’s definitely a chance that one of his previous false bodies did actually have two left feet.) Even so, I do also believe that Doe would be incredibly interested in the idea of dancing with you. I mean, it’s romantic, it’s cliché, he’s probably seen it tons of times in rom-coms - of course he’d be interested in doing it with you! And on Valentine’s Day, no less? It would be a dream come true for him!

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・That’s exactly the reason that he practically jumps into your arms the moment that the suggestion leaves your mouth, staring at you with a lovestruck expression and pupils so wide that you can’t even see his trademark yellow sclera. Considering all of the long and honestly underpaid shifts that you’re working at the gas station, the two of you would probably just end up falling over, although it wouldn’t do anything to hinder him in the slightest. Instead, he’d just end up springing back up to his feet and pulling you back up as well, asking what kind of music you’d want to dance to.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Depending on your own personal experiences with dancing, you might find the situation to be a learning situation for the both of you. And, sure, Doe is much more obvious with his confusion about the entire topic, but it’s much easier to excuse him constantly stepping on your feet when you remember that his body isn’t his real one. Besides, he doesn’t say anything when you step on his feet, although you do your best to ignore the fact that it’s not out of politeness and instead out of the fact that he can’t exactly feel it.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・When it comes to his music taste, Doe would genuinely just be fine going along with your preferences. (He’s mostly just happy to have the opportunity to even dance with somebody in the first place, especially somebody that he loves, like you!) Of course, he would indulge you if you really wanted to know. I personally imagine that Doe would prefer softer, almost jazz like songs - ones that sound like they’re from the 1900s. (It’s hard to describe the genre, but think about Frank Sinatra like songs.) I like to think that it would fit, especially when you consider the eldritch-like abilities that he has, and the connection that those kinds of vintage-like songs have to the eldritch genre as a whole.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・Truthfully, the worst thing that I could imagine happening (besides the accidental toe stepping) is you bumping your hip into the side of your table a couple of times. Really, dancing with Doe would be a pretty peaceful situation, and you just can’t help but be glad to not worry about something insane happening, moreso when you start to consider just how much manages to happen to you on a day-by-day basis. To be frank, such a peaceful situation was exactly what you needed.

╰₊˚ʚ🔪ɞ・And luckily, there’s nothing crazy that comes along to ruin your time with him, and you’re totally free to savor the time you two spend dancing around the living room of your barely big enough apartment. Such a totally peaceful situation is incredibly rare to come by within the Valley, and although your time there has managed to get you accustomed to some of the daily weirdness, it’s hard not to notice the extra tension that’s released from your shoulders. You’ve managed to work out some of the bigger mess-ups by the time you’re ready to call in quits, and you and Doe end the dance session by watching TV and leaning into each other. Truthfully, you might just ask him to dance with you some other time.

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depressopax · 9 months ago

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From ABQ with love, Nacho

Chapter 1

This is the first chapter of my LCDP x BCS AU/Nacho spin-off. More info can be found here! || AO3 link

Chapter summary: After being saved by "The fancy son of a bitch", his travel from Albuquerque, to an unknown destination begins. But who is the man really? Why did he save Nacho? And where are they headed? Words: 1.8k TW: Drugs/drugging, cuss words, blood [Might be a bit OOC, bare with me] English is not my main language, if I make any spelling mistakes please let me know so I can improve my writing! <3

I don’t know where he’s taking me, the man who introduced himself as “Berlin” - But I choose to remain to calling him “The fancy son of a bitch”

But I don’t dare to ask him. Whether I like it or not - He saved my ass.

So when he threatens to kill me if I try escaping, when he drugs me into obedience, when he drives me through the country, and when we sit down at the airport and then on the plane - I don’t make a sound.

Plane I haven’t been on a plane since I was a kid.

Me and dad only went on trips a couple of times.

We didn’t grow up poor - and my childhood was happy.

My dad was a single parent and had his own company, so it was up to him to make sure his son was well fed.

He did a good job, my dad. But I had the tendency to get myself into trouble.

It was a combination of the adrenaline junkie within me, the people I made friends with, and the economical situation me and dad had.

It started with Domingo and Tuco - and escalated into the Salamancas and the cartel.

Dad is an honorable man. In the fog of my mind, I see his face. I remember us on that airplane once, when I went on my first vacation. I was so excited, and he smiled at me.

It hurts. It fucking hurts.

He probably thinks I’m dead. In some ways, I am indeed dead.

Did Mike keep his promise? Is my dad safe?

I’m not religious but still I pray to all Gods possible that he gets out safely.

I hate myself for putting him in danger. I hate myself for my choices.

And I hate the fancy son of a bitch next to me.

We fly first class.

He’s a rich fuck, too. He looks unfazed, where he sits reading a book and drinking what I can only guess is alcohol.

Drinking in the light of the day, on a plane? Seriously?

The rich son of a bitch who calls himself “Berlin” looks at me. I must have been staring. If looks could kill, he’d drop dead now.

“I would offer you a scotch, but you’re high.” he chuckles and I grunt in reply. I turn my head to not see his smug face. My situation is confusing and humiliating enough. He continues talking to me, but I’m not listening.

Somehow, he reminds me of Lalo.

The way he talks, his confidence and that sick, twisted personality. They’d make good friends. I manage to laugh and surprise both him and myself.

“Where… We headed…” I manage to spit out. Literally tho. I don’t know what kind of drugs I’m on, but it's difficult to open and close my mouth. I’m probably drooling. And he probably finds joy in seeing people like that.

“Spain. But to which town I can’t let you know.”

Spain…

“Why?”

“Because I’m ordered to bring you there. A friend of mine has an offer for you. And you’re a damn stupid brat if you don’t agree. Besides, this little trip cost me a fortune. Imagine all the fancy wines I could’ve brought, instead of picking up some depressed, bald cartel man.”

Suddenly I’m happy to be drugged. The fancy son of a bitch should be too. I’d slap his smug face bloody if I could.

I don’t give a fuck that he “saved” me. I don’t care if we’re on a plane. I’d ruin him.

“Fuck you.” I whisper.

He glances at me, up and down. I must look ridiculous with sweaty, dirty clothes, wounds and bruises on my face. That, with the dark circles marking my dark eyes, combined with how affected I must look from the drugs, with half open mouth and eyes. He definitely notices, because his next words are:

“I have no idea what the Professor saw in you.”

The Professor? I choke back a laugh. Berlin. The professor. What the fuck is this?

“You should’ve let me die.”

Silence.

“Yes. Yes I should have, huh?” He puts the book down and stares blankly at me. “I’ll get some sleep. Ima have to drug you again, so you don’t try suffocating me with a pillow.”

“Yea. Because I’d definitely try to escape when we’re on a damn plane.” My voice is coated with sarcasm and the fancy son of a bitch laughs. When he hands me a pill, I don’t have the energy, nor willpower to disagree. I swallow it down with water and soon my brain is fogged up again and I enter a world of dreams.

I remember my dad’s worry. I had just joined the cartel and for the first time in my life, I was beaten bloody. My face was swollen and I was limping when I sunk down outside his door.

“Hijo?” a tired voice said. His face twisted to concern, to anger and then fright. Having to explain what had happened to him was not easy. His worry was not the worst. It was the disappointment in his eyes.

“Sorry.” I mumbled. “I got this under control, ok?”

What a lie.

The next day is the same: Airplanes and cars - in the company of what I’m now sure is a sociopath. He talks to me as if we were friends. He mocks me like he hates me, and he asks me questions like he was a cop and I was a suspect. I can’t figure him out. At all.

When we finally arrive at an old house in the dead of night, I’m finally free from those damn pills, and I get to eat some real food. I even get my own room. That night, I slept like I’ve never slept before.

The wardrobe in “my room” has some simple t-shirts and jeans, a pair of sweatpants, a hoodie, and even some work-out clothes.

I should feel relieved but I’m anxious. It feels like danger creeps over me. Is this some sort of sick joke? Is “Berlin” part of the cartel too? I don’t know. At least the door to the room is open. The house is dark and dusty. If someone actually lives here, they must be a disruptive person. I walk the house mindlessly. I find a kitchen, dining room, bathrooms and like 8 more bedrooms. There’s even an attic.

Curiosity takes over and I climb the stairs up.

I walk into… A classroom…?

Yes. A classroom.

A blackboard, a desk with pens and papers… A line of small tables and chairs, exactly like the ones I used to sit by when I was young and in school.

One word is written with white chalk on the board: ¡Bienvenido! It says.

“Hello.” I flinch and by instinct reach for the gun I don't carry anymore.

Not because this man looks like a threat either ways.

The thin, bearded man seems to be my age, with dark, thick glasses, wavy hair and a dark suit. Everything he’s wearing is dark. As dark as the house. He doesn’t look like a snob. The suit looks as old and vintage as the interior of the house. Must be he who owns the residence. He almost looks like a…

“Professor.” I mumble. The man smiles and looks nervous.

“That’s right. You may call me ‘The Professor’”

No thank you. Is what I don’t say. I just stare at him, as if he just told me a joke that wasn’t funny.

“Ignacio…” he sighs and pulls out a chair. He takes a seat and looks at me. I should hate him. But I can't. Not yet, either ways. “...I’m sorry about your trip here. Berlin can be… Intense.”

“He’s a sociopath.” I correct him with a hiss.

“...Whatever you want to call him. Do you know why you’re here, Mr. Varga?”

Mr. Varga. I’m starting to think this man is older than he seems.

“No.”

“It’s because I have a plan. And I need you for it to work.”

“What? You needed to bring me all the way from Albuquerque and to… Wherever the hell we are, for it?”

“In Toledo. And yes. I needed to.”

“How’d you find me? And why?” I start to feel annoyed, but mostly because I’m so calm. I’ve totally lost my mind. I shouldn’t even hear this man out. Still, I want to. I need to understand my own situation.

“You were in a dark place, Ignacio. But in the darkness there's light. There’s this man that told me about you. He told me about your situation, about your skills and past. You’re a great asset to my team.”

“Who?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“To me it does!”

The Professor starts looking annoyed now too.

“Can I please talk?” The way he’s talking makes me feel like a kid. It’s like getting lectured and I hate it. So I sigh and seal my lips.

“Of course.”

“Thank you.” he adjusts the thick glasses. “Like I was saying; You’re a great asset to my team. You have been in the cartel, you know how to handle weapons and I’m guessing you’re good when it comes to money?”

“What the fuck is this?” I stand up. I’m starting to lose my patience with this shit, hell, I lost it the second I got here.

I walk up to him, threatingly. It seems to work. Of course.

“Manuel Varga. He’s alive and well.”

I want to kill him for talking about my father. But I also want to cry and thank him for saving my father.

“How do you…”

“I promise to hand you proof of his safety, if you promise to hear me out.”

The Professor sounds stern. Yea. His nickname definitely makes sense now. I sit down again. Finally, the bearded man starts talking.

“This week, you’ll meet your new crew of eight other criminals. You - and Berlin, are the first to arrive. These people shall be your new “family”. You’ll eat together, live together and get to know each other - build up trust and grow strong - together.”

He goes quiet.

“Okay…?” I say, my eyebrows furrowing.

“And then… In five months from now… We’ll rob the Royal Mint of Spain.”

I’m startled. Shocked. Then I laugh. This is a sick joke. Of course. My laughter dies out. The man stares blankly at me. Oh God. He’s being serious.

“...That’s impossible.”

“Difficult, yes. But not impossible, Ignacio.”

We stare each other down. After a while, I shake my head.

“How?”

He smiles at me. A cocky smile, this time. For the first time, I actually see more in him - besides a four-eyed lunatic. Maybe, just maybe…

“I have a plan.”

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nerdferatum · 2 years ago

Note

For the kisses: "A lingering kiss before a long trip apart. for Nora and Mason" maybe? Or "An awkward kiss given after a first date." for whomever it fits best! :)

This took so long, I'm so sorry! Writer's block, my detested, but here it is

46. A lingering kiss before a long trip apart

“You know, you could just admit that you are going to miss me,” said Nora.

She was kneeling on the floor of her bedroom next to her open suitcase, which was already overflowing, trying to fit as many sweaters as possible in such a small space. She would be gone only two weeks for Christmas to visit her grandparents back in Spain. She had explained to Felix all the traditions she remembered from her childhood, and Mason couldn’t understand how she could be so excited about all those family reunions, meals and parties. He thought she was on his side when talking about big gatherings of loud people.

“I would never lie to you, sweetheart,” he replied from her bed, from where he had been watching her frustration slowly grow.

“It’s okay, sunshine.” Like every time she called him that, the word had a taste of sarcasm and affection that made him smirk in return. “I’ll keep the secret.”

“At this point, I’ll be happy if you can keep your things inside that suitcase.”

But she didn’t answer. She had to focus her whole being into closing the damn thing.

It was true, though, that Mason never lied. He didn’t know if he would miss her, not exactly. He never had any issues partying ways with a fling, but, of course, Nora was different. She was coming back. He couldn’t say he would be sitting around, waiting like a sad puppy; that was more Felix’s territory, and even Nate’s, to an extent. If Mason had to be honest, he didn’t know what would happen in those two weeks. Nora’s life had become so intertwined with theirs that it wouldn’t be easy to walk around her absence, he supposed. They all relied a bit of themselves on her. He didn’t remember a day in the last few weeks when he wasn’t close to her.

“Okay, I think I’m done.”

Mason stared at the suitcase, about to burst open again. He shrugged and got up.

“You’re bringing that down on your own.”

“What?” she turned to him, “but you are a vampire! Super strong, super fast…”

“I’m also driving you to the airport. Don’t push your luck.”

She continued to grumble all the way to the Agency car while Mason followed behind, an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips. He did find an ounce of sympathy for her struggling, just enough to lift the suitcase to the trunk.

Nora had gotten used to being quiet in the car with him. No music, no conversation; she usually appreciated the silence herself. That particular day, however, she was having a hard time to keep her excitement to herself. She hadn’t talked much about her family up to that point. They had been able to piece some things together, but there was never enough to satisfy Felix or Nate’s curiosity. Mason, on the other hand, knew that if Nora had wanted them to know, she would have already told them. So he didn’t ask, not because he didn’t want to know (even thought he would never admit it out loud), but because he respected the way Nora wanted to approach the difficult topic that was her family and her childhood. Behind all the jokes and the façade of indifference, Mason could always see a sliver of the nostalgia that Nora never talked about. Until that moment, of course, when she was talking about all those people Mason had never heard about. There were many little stories distorted by the magic of the years that had passed. He could almost picture himself in the kitchen of that place.

“You know, I think you would like it.”

He lifted an eyebrow, his eyes still fixed on the road.

“I don’t mean now, at Christmas. Just the place. It doesn’t get too hot or too sunny. There’s a lot of space to be on your own. No one ever walks by, it could be days before you see another person. It’s the perfect place for you.”

“Invite me to the villa when it isn’t full of people.”

“A baserri, not a villa. It isn’t fancy,” she corrected him with a smile.

“It sounds fancy to me.”

“It’s an old house. Older than you, even.”

“I’m turning the car around.”

Her cheery laugh filled the car. He hadn’t ever seen her like that, as if she had dropped a mask she had forgotten she was wearing.

“I’m excited to be back, you know. It’s been a while.”

Mason let her ramble for a while, surprising himself with the curiosity bubbling in him. He had no interest in any festivities or family disputes, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking questions from time to time. There weren’t many times when Nora was that open and honest about herself, and, at that moment, Mason found himself enjoying that new side of her, like a heavy weight had lifted from her shoulders. He let her talk for the whole ride.

Nora was out of the door almost before he stopped the car, jumping to get her suitcase and her bag. He groaned but didn’t comment on it. He just silently watched her go through every pocket, listing out loud everything she had on her.

“A bit late if you forgot anything. Let's go.”

Mason took the heavy suitcase to force her to follow him, but the bright lights and the sudden booming voices stopped him in his tracks by the door.

“Hey, you can go if you want. This is honestly hell for me, I know it won’t be fun for you.”

Mason looked around them, into an ocean of stumbling, loud people. He took her bag from her shoulder and started walking again.

“I swear I haven’t ever met anyone as stubborn as you.” The way Nora said it made it sound like a compliment.

“You should try and look in a mirror.”

“I do it quite often, thank you,” she announced proudly, even though she was having a hard time matching his long stride.

They were soon at the control, or, more precisely, at the end of the long queue leading to it.

“This is me! Can I have my things now, please?”

She took everything from him without too much opposition on his side, aside from a barely hidden chuckle when the suitcase hit the floor with a loud thump.

“You are such a gentleman. See you in two weeks?” she grinned, as she started to walk away.

“Wait, that’s it? I’ll drive you here and that’s all I get?”

“Weren’t you doing this from the goodness of your heart?” The grin had turned into a smirk. He could work with that.

“You’ll be away for two weeks. I should have something to remember you by.”

She let her backpack slip onto the floor when she reached up to grab his shirt. She gently caressed his cheek with her other hand as their lips met in a slow kiss, completely different from any of the ones they shared before. The passion was there, but none of the rush, the hunger, the biting intensity that usually led them to one of their bedrooms. It was a soft kiss, full of all those strange, new feelings that Mason couldn’t put into words. Two weeks were a long time for two people who had barely been apart since they met. The month after their first mission had been an exhilarating wait; half that time now would be an excruciating pain.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered against his lips when they finally broke apart, “I’ll keep your secret.”

Coming from anyone else, he would have groaned and walked away. Then, however, he stayed. His eyes never left her until she waved at him and disappeared into the crowd. As soon as she was out of sight, the yelling, the rattling baggages, the loudspeakers, every tiny movement rushed back to him at full effect, leaving him disoriented and a little shaken by the sudden aching. He hurried back to the car, where the smell of Nora’s shampoo still lingered in the air. Damn, he was going to miss her.

#also it's barely edited because if i waited to be ready for that it would be another month #so sorry for that too #sara writes #nora zelaya #nora x mason

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ghostoftonantzin · 2 years ago

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Books I’ve read this year, roughly in order

I’ve decided to make a record of all the books I read this year, and post it on tumblr, because why not. Of the books I read, nine were on my phone (thank you libby), one was an audiobook (before I remembered that I’m terrible at listening to audiobooks), and eight were short story collections (some of these were also ebooks). In order, with some thoughts, below the cut:

Ghost Wall, Sarah Moss- a reread, and just as good the second time around. Compact and tense, with a slow creeping sense of dread.

The Violins of Saint Jacques, Patrick Leigh Fermor- the back of this book frames it around the volcanic eruption at the end of the book. The framing device is about how the woman telling the story was the only survivor of the volcanic eruption at the end of this book. It’s not a surprise, and yet when it happens, it’s so sudden and violent and all-encompassing that it’s still shocking.

Faceless Killers- found this in the books app on my phone (long story) and tore through it in a day. Enjoyable, dark, and twisty.

Small Gods, Terry Pratchett- same books app find as Faceless Killers, and the first Pratchett book I’ve read that isn’t Good Omens. I enjoyed it, especially Pratchett’s sense of humor. I do intend to read more Discworld books, though they’re not at the top of my list.

A High Wind in Jamaica, Richard Hughes- I feel like I enjoyed reading the long article analyzing the social context of the setting almost as much as I enjoyed reading the book, though that’s not entirely a knock on it. It seemed to hover in a strange space between a children’s story and one that’s too bleak for children.

Matrix, Lauren Groff- very readable and great at drawing you into the world of the medieval monastery.

The Traveling Grave, L.P. Hartley- unfortunately, I feel like I can barely remember any of the stories in this one, though I did enjoy it. It’s more creeping dread than outright horror.

Skin Tight, Carl Hiaasen- the audiobook! Also a reread of a book I’d initially read maybe ten years ago. It’s not my favorite Hiaasen book, but it’s still a good one. (I also started listening to the audiobook for Sick Puppy, but never finished.)

Where the Wild Ladies Are, Aoko Matsuda- part of my efforts to read short stories, and also more works in translation. I liked it, though I don’t have much to say about it.

Basic Black with Pearls, Helen Weinzweig- I feel like I read a lot of this in a warm bath in the middle of winter, which may have affected my opinion, but I really loved this. A married woman wanders around her hometown of Toronto, supposedly there to meet up with her secret-agent lover who she has followed all over the world, and who may or may not be real. But the meat of this book is in the encounters she has while wandering the city, and how they tie into her own past and the legacy of the Holocaust. It’s a strange, dreamlike book, and it’s stuck with me.

The Book of Difficult Fruit, Kate Lebo- I honestly expected this to contain more scientific and historical background on the fruits and less aspects of personal essays, but that’s more of a problem with me than the book.

Valancourt Book of Horror Stories, Vol. 1, multiple authors- a good read. The editors at Valancourt seem very good at selecting stories for their short story collections.

Gideon the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir- I downloaded the free sample from Libby at the airport, then immediately checked out the full book and read it in a day. I fell in love with Gideon as a character and narrator, and the ending was both tragic and exactly what I wanted.

Good Behavior, Molly Keane- like drinking vinegar littered with glass shards, in the best way possible. Wonderfully subtle and full of darker implications. The kicker is a killer.

Crocodilia, Philip Ridley- the narration in this felt very amateurish at times, though as the novel went on, I found it worked well to get me into the mindset of the narrator. The novel becomes an incredible puzzle box of twists and stories folding in on themselves and repeating, while still maintaining its core focus on first love and coming of age as a young gay man.

Harrow the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir- I also tore through this in a day, though it made me miss Gideon even more.

Song for the Unraveling of the World, Brian Evenson- I’ve read a lot of praise for Evenson’s writing, and I did enjoy this book, though it didn’t draw me in. Also read on the Libby app, which may have affected my opinion.

Wise Children, Angela Carter- realized this year I wanted to read more Angela Carter, because the only thing I’d read by her was The Bloody Chamber, and that was a shame, because I love her writing. I loved this. It’s sprawling and dramatic, but filled with so much joy and zest for life.

Memories: From Moscow to the Black Sea, Teffi- I read most of this while getting my car serviced. That has nothing to do with anything, just wanted to mention it. Beautifully written, but also a fascinating look at the uncertainty of exile, and yet how life seems to go on in fits and starts.

The Pure and the Impure, Colette- beautiful writing, again. Just fascinating to read about queer communities in Paris in the early twentieth century.

A Certain Hunger, Chelsea G. Summers- read in the Libby app, after I’d had my eye on this book. I remember wondering while reading what the narrator thought about Ruth Reichl, only for her to mention her a few pages later. In my opinion, the food writing aspects of this novel were relatively weak for a novel supposedly based around it. Unfortunately, I feel like the book was blandly heterosexual in a way I found uninteresting. I do think this novel stuck the landing, though, in a way that made me appreciate the rest of it more.

Growing Things, Paul G. Tremblay- also read in the Libby app. Notes from the Dog Walker was the standout story for me, though I enjoyed the rest of it enough to consider seeking out some of his novels.

Deep Blue Good-by, John D. MacDonald- I tore through two Travis McGee books in the Libby app after reading about the author while looking up Carl Hiaasen trivia. I honestly haven't read a ton of thrillers, but it was fascinatingly emotional and honest about the pain the protagonist experiences for a detective novel from the 1960s.

Nightmare in Pink, John D. MacDonald- The other Travis McGee novel, also read on my phone. Certain lines of this book still haunt me.

A Nail, A Rose, Madeleine Bourdouxhe- actually started in early 2021, but I only finished it this year. Another short story collection, this time primarily about ordinary women in France and Belgium around World War II. Well-written, but I didn’t personally love it.

Lolly Willows, Sylvia Townsend Warner- more sedately paced than I expected, but the final conversation between Laura and the devil is astoundingly ahead of its time. In retrospect, it’s an interestingly subtle take on the power fantasy suggested by the blurb on the back.

The Alteration, Kingsley Amis- read before writing evviva il coltello. I would classify this as science fiction, but its entire focus on a world less technologically-developed than our own was an interesting twist. (Though I don’t read a lot of science fiction, so I couldn’t give you the proper context of whether it’s actually unusual.) Very much of its time.

The Juniper Tree, Barbara Comyns- I hate to say it, but my favorite part of the book was probably the cover. Fascinatingly timeless in its setting and an interesting update on the fairytale, but didn’t compel me.

A Night in the Lonesome October, Roger Zelazny- my second year reading this over the month of October, and I intend to do so next year. It perfectly encapsulates the feeling of “spooky season”.

The Collector, John Fowles- I’d heard of this book years ago, and was suddenly seized with the need to read it. Creepy, though it did feel like the plot dragged in places, though that’s understandable for its format.

Ghost Sequences, A. C. Wise- the blurb compares her writing to Angela Carter, which I don’t think is quite accurate; her prose doesn’t quite capture the same poetic highs of Carter’s work. But I enjoyed the stories in this collection, especially their incorporation of different forms of media in both form and theme, whether it’s apps or newspaper article excerpts.

Isolde, Irina Odoyevtseva- I originally read this in early 2021, but decided to revisit it this year. Excellently written in what it conceals through the narration, and simultaneously glittery and bleak. It’s a fascinating snapshot of the lives of young Russian emigres in France, post 1917.

The Posthumous Memoirs of Bras Cubas, Joaquim Maria Machado de Assis- started sometime in July, and repeatedly picked up and set down, which is really not the best way to read a book that’s dense with literary and philosophical references that I’m not familiar with.

#ghost posts #end of year

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ilovetheseattlemariners · 17 days ago

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On the airplane now

Today I stopped by the office one last time to say my byes to S. and Dr. BH. The view kept mesmerizing me. It was like I’d never been outside before, never gone done the route I used to go through once a day. My boss never replied to my email about getting work off, but I was completely off the schedule so I guess the message got through to him. That’s one thing that I’ve been finding really awkward, I guess. Like, how do I say this without coming off as, like, overbearing; or without like unnecessarily burdening someone with my misfortunes. I remember reading Didion’s research into death in My Year of Magical Thinking, whatever that book is called. She cited how our society treats the topic of death as something we ought not to discuss. I mean, I was really off my balls yesterday, but I remember appending every single text I made discussing my grandma dying with “lol”. My grandma just died lol. Like what the fuck.

I got really into Cookie Clicker this week. You can purchase grandmas in this game.

I also started reading Agee’s A Death in the Family. It just felt right. Killer book so far. I just finished Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, which I’m not really sure how I feel about. I mean, some of the prose is brilliant, really, but I’m not really sure how I feel about that turn the writing took, where it suddenly became this crazy work of stoner fiction. Like, sure I guess, but I’m not really sure I agree with it. It did inspire me to go super hard on drugs. I was really hoping to do like shrooms or acid this week. It was the night before my grandma died. I ended up just getting super strung out on edibles, and I had that hit last night which I was tripping through super bad. I mean, I think I played fine. I felt like I was playing super fast that entire night; like, I was literally seeing like motion blur all over my hands. And like briefly I also saw a rose hue develop around my periphery and I felt like I was an omega in the heat or something stupid like that. Also sitting on a tall stool made me feel like I was about to fall into the void. A lot of stupid things like that. I kept feeling like I was being watched, kept pointing at like empty cars and empty booths at the Denny’s going like “who the fuck is that”. Also I finished Fear and Loathing in that state, which really fucked me up because of how nonsensical the book became.

Agee’s book looks to be exciting, though. The prose is really beautiful. It’s like breathtaking, in a literal sense: the sentences can go on for paragraphs, which really make the reading difficult, but also provide it with this newfound loveliness: like each line feels so open and light, while also conveying everything: you feel like Rufus in those moments.

The airport was as it always is. I don’t know, would I call it an out of body experience? Like nothing feels real, and you’re caught between worlds. I didn’t even notice the time at all. If you want to stop existing for a moment, you go to the airport.

I feel as though everything around me is destroying. I lost an airpod at the bar last night. And then this morning I dropped my Versaces on the ground, crushing the corner. And just now I was reading A Death in the Family and the first 16 or so pages just fell out. I feel as though in culpable for all of this. I feel really terrible, quite frankly.

I think the most memorable moment on the plane for me occurred when we were still reaching altitude and all the lights were off except for fairylike thing at the end of the wing, which felt like someone distantly wandering out there in the sky with a lantern. The way its radius sort of whispered into nothingness. And then the glow of the screen on the seat in front of me; like I was looking directly into the Sun, except the sun had my own likeness; the effect of such profound glow in such an unbreakable darkness.

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atomic-thomas · 2 months ago

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(Fake ASMR Commission) Arriving In Vermont With Your Meteorologist Wife [Part 6]

------------------------------------------------------------

“That flight attendant sure was chatty, wasn’t she?”

…

“She was super friendly though. I just kinda resonated with her, ya know? For someone who isn’t a meteorologist, she sure knows her stuff.”

…

“Well, uh… Guess we should rent a car now. Need some way to get around the state. Can’t exactly stay in the Burlington airport all day. Hehe~”

…

“Burlington is in the north part of Vermont. We’re actually near the borders of New York & Canada right now.”

…

“Good question. Where should we go? Hmmm…”

…

“Ooo, I know. How about Green Mountain National Forest? We can totally attempt our date again there.”

…

“No disagreement I see. Glad we’re on the same page. But before that, we should book a hotel to stay at while we’re here. Might as well choose a place in Burlington since… It’s where the airport is. Our ticket is round trip. We’ll have to return to Oklahoma when the time comes. For now though… We’re here in the Green Mountains.”

*scene transition… then car driving ambience until specified stopping point*

“Look at those skies. Blue & clear without a single cloud in sight. Nothing to obscure the sun from shining down on us with it’s full brightness. I remember it like it was yesterday.”

…

“Well, obviously clouds exist in Vermont. Hehe~ They just aren’t tornadic most of the time.”

…

“There’s a couple reasons why tornadoes are so rare in Vermont. And… New England in general.”

“First… The Appalachian Mountains cut through the state. Mountains generally make it very difficult for tornadoes maintain their form. So even if one does touch down, it’ll likely peter out very quickly. They need the flat land of the Great Plains to stick around longer.”

“And Second… The unfavorable temperatures. The reason Oklahoma is the world's tornado capital is due to it’s perfect geological position. It’s part of the Great Plains which grants it all the flat land that tornadoes could ever need. And it gets perfect temperatures from surrounding regions.”

“Warm moist air from the Gulf of Mexico & cool dry air from the Rocky Mountains. Oklahoma just so happens to be perfectly sandwiched between those regions. Combine that with abundant flat land & you’ve got yourself the most active tornado hot spot on the entire planet.”

“It’s possible for Vermont to get these conditions, but… Extremely less often. In fact, earlier this year, Vermont did actually get a couple tornadoes in the southern part of the state. The 2024 tornado outbreak made conditions more favorable than usual, but I can’t express enough just how rare that is. Vermont almost never gets a good enough mix of warm moist air & cool dry air. So it was incredibly surprising to see a New England tornado threat.”

…

“I’m not exactly sure what cause tornadoes to even be possible at all in Vermont. But I have a theory. Perhaps it takes cool dry air from the north & creates it’s own warm moist air during the hot Summer. It would explain why the highest risk for New England tornadoes is in the Summer. Even then, it still almost never happens because of the mountains. Tornadoes will have a lot of trouble finding any remotely flat land to settle down on.”

…

“In Oklahoma, the highest risk season is Spring. I’ve mentioned this before, but many of the most historical F5 tornadoes took place in May. That’s when tornado alley fires up the most.”

“Meanwhile, Vermont has never had anything stronger than an F2. That’s the worst it’s ever gotten here.”

“But enough about tornadoes. We came here to get away from them, right? I wanna talk about Vermont itself.”

“When growing up, I always saw this state as… Boring. Not just for weather-related reasons, but… For other reasons. I just kinda felt like… There wasn’t much to do. Not much to appreciate. But in my adult years, it feels like I took Vermont for granted. There’s plenty to enjoy. Except for the cost of living.”

…

“Yeah, Oklahoma is much cheaper to live in. Another reason why I moved there. But anyway, I should be focusing on the positives.”

“Billboards are actually illegal in Vermont. This might sound a bit specific, but it makes sense when you realize just how gorgeous the state is. There’s a large emphasis on nature & wildlife in Vermont. It’s much more noticeable here than any other state. Seriously, just look around us right now. Isn’t it pretty?”

…

“Yep… And not a single billboard to distract you from it. No annoying roadside ads. Just beautiful scenery.”

“Vermont is also known for it’s maple syrup. If Oklahoma is the tornado capital then Vermont is the maple syrup capital. This state produces more maple syrup than any other. And it’s super high quality. We should take some home with us.”

“And then… There’s Ben & Jerry. Everyone loves their ice cream, right? Who doesn’t? And they just so happen to have Vermont origins. They opened their first shop in Burlington on May 5th, 1978. The headquarters is also located in Burlington. And the factory is located in Waterbury. The factory even has a flavor graveyard where discontinued flavors are stored.”

…

“My favorite flavor is The Tonight Dough, but there’s another flavor that I’ve heard is even better. Peanut Butter World.”

…

“I’ve never tried it myself because… I can’t find it anywhere. No store I go to seems to have it. I hope it isn’t discontinued.”

…

“You know how that flight attendant compared Vermont to Montana? Well… Personally, I find myself comparing it to Canada. Vermont feels like… If Canada was a state.”

…

“Well, yes. The maple syrup stereotype definitely has something to with it. But there’s also an abundance of moose.”

…

“An oddly specific thing about Vermont is that the state has a lot of covered bridges.”

“Oh, look at that. We’re about to drive through one right now. Neat.”

…

“I don’t know why we’re putting roofs on bridges. But if I had to guess… It’s probably weather-related.”

“Vermont also has a high production rate of cheese. It’s history dates back to the 1800s. There’s a lot of dairy farms in Vermont making it one of the top cheese-producing states in the country. It’s not always about maple syrup, though that is still most emphasized.”

“A more obscure fact is that there’s an abandoned mall in Rutland. At least… I think it’s abandoned.”

…

“It’s weird. I haven’t been to that mall in so many years, but I remember it was, at the very least, almost abandoned the last time I went there. It still had some businesses open. Some shops were still functional, people were there & the music was still playing. But it was a hollow shell of it’s former self.”

“Many of the stores were closed. Dark rooms closed off by metal gates with nothing in them. All while being serenaded by the somber echoing music… Where the songs are so muffled due to the old speakers & the mall’s echo that you can’t make out any of the words. It’s eerie… And melancholy.”

…

“I have a lot of nostalgia for that mall. If I were to go back there today, it would probably feel like a Liminal Space to me. Assuming it’s even still there. It could be demolished for all I know. Or replaced by something else… Or refurbished into something different… Or perhaps nothing has changed at all & it’s somehow just… Perpetually in an almost abandoned state.”

…

“We are definitely going to check out that mall before we return to Oklahoma. It’s been so many years. I wanna know what happened… If anything.”

…

“Oh hey. We’re here. Green Mountain National Forest. Long drive, huh?”

…

“You have the bear spray we bought, right? I doubt we’ll need it, but… It is a national forest. Anything is possible. Just in case, ya know?”

*scene transition… driving ambience stops… woodland ambience plays until the end of the audio*

“I was used to seeing flat land for so long that being in the vertical landscape of the Green Mountains feels alien to me.”

…

“We are technically in the Appalachian Mountains right now. Vermont’s Green Mountains are part of Appalachia. They’re basically interchangeable.”

…

Ooo, I don’t know~ Will we really see a wendigo~? Hehe~ Personally, I don’t believe in that kinda stuff. They’re all just urban myths & legends.”

…

“Woah, look. There’s a coyote over there.”

…

“We have nothing to worry about. It’s a lone coyote. And there’s two of us. Coyotes attack humans about as often as tornadoes hit Vermont. So, uh… Do the math.”

…

“It might’ve felt more inclined if it had a pack, but that isn’t the case here. I promise you that we are in no danger right now.”

…

“See, there it goes. There’s an old saying. Animals are more afraid of you than you are of them.”

…

“*gasp* Look down there. It’s a newt.”

…

“Hey little guy. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

…

“Awwww~ It’s so cute! I love holding tiny creatures in the palm of my hand.”

…

“Newts are pretty common. To the point where I’m afraid that I’ll step on them without even knowing. Not this one though. Hehe~”

…

“It’s probably so freaked out right now. From it’s perspective, I’m basically a giant. It might not understand that I’m friendly.”

…

“Okay, I’ll let it go. Run free, little lizard. To boldly go where no lizard has gone before.”

…

“Actually, no. It’s not a lizard. Lizards are reptiles. And I just remembered that newts are amphibians. It just looks like a lizard. Whoops, Haha~”

…

“I’m a meteorologist. Not a zoologist. But I do know some animal knowledge.”

…

“A strange thing about exploring forests is when you find remnants of mankind out here. Like a rickety old shack, some rusty machinery, tires or… Anything of the sort. Makes you wonder how it got out here.”

…

“Well, I know humans put it there, but… How long ago? What were they doing? These are just things I wonder. It’s a mystery.”

…

“I think there’s a clearing up ahead. We might be in for something special.”

…

“I hope you have enough energy left in the tank because we’re going up-hill for this.”

…

“Woooooaaaaah! Look at this view! It’s beautiful!”

…

“Ahhh, I missed Vermont. I can’t believe I’m saying that, but it’s true. I didn’t realize just how much nostalgia I had for it.”

…

“I do still prefer Oklahoma overall, but… There’s something about Vermont that just… Hits different.”

…

“This is the best date ever. And there’s no tornado to ruin it this time.”

“C’mere, sweetie. Gimme a hug.”

“Hahhh~ This is so nice.”

“Mmm~” *kiss*

“We sure have been through a lot together, haven’t we?

…

“Yeah… I definitely made the right choice to marry you. And I haven’t regretted a single second of it.”

“I love you so much, honey~ No tornado will ever be able to pull us apart.

------------------------------------------------------------

THE END

#Fake ASMR

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alittlelillian · 5 months ago

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Because you’re right; I can do better. You aren’t good for me. You are difficult and uncomfortable and selfish. It is frustrating. It does make me want to leave. I think about it all the time.

I will my consciousness to ignore, to forget, to bury your flaws. I make every excuse under the sun for you. I trample over boundaries I spent years learning to form for you. I brush off every need, every want, every desire for you. I sacrifice my identity, my effort, my time, my beliefs, my language, my comfort, all for you.

I pretend it’s because you make me happy, but that’s a lie. I know without a doubt the person you are today cannot make me happy tomorrow; I would be continuing a life of frustration, of regret, and of unrequited sacrifice if we were to even make it that far. You’re too rigid, too stubborn, too absorbed in your comfort and your own space to make room for me, or for us. I know this.

No, the reason I’m still here is because I am weak. I am weak to the idealistic dream of love, of change, of growth. I’m weak to the idea of happily ever after, weak to magical coincidences, weak to hope. I want to prove to myself that I can be loved, I can be loved enough to merit change, to merit miracles. I can’t silence the small hope in my mind that you would one day decide to be better for me; that you would allow yourself to genuinely love me unconditionally, and grow into someone you would be confident is worthy of being mine.

But you won’t. I know this. You’ve given up. You want to pretend that you’re asking nothing of me when what you’re really doing is making me shoulder it all. And I will. Because I am weak. You want to keep believing there’s nothing you can do; you’re just a victim too broken by the people that hurt you to mend yourself, too drained to find the energy to love. Part of you realises that this is no more than a lie. You’re just scared, and on some level, you know that I will stay anyway. You know that you don’t have to sacrifice anything for me, because I would sacrifice everything for you.

The only way this ends is when I finally find the strength either to leave you, or to leave this life. In the meantime, I will continue to suffer through the pain of going through the motions in a relationship I know has no future. With a man I know would not pick me up from the airport, or share his ice cream with me.

But there is one thing you’re wrong about:

I don’t resent you. Not for this, not for the pain, not even for the constant reminder that I’m not worthy of your love or your energy. I can’t. There’s only room in my heart for love. I can’t even pretend to hate you. I can’t even convince myself to try.

At the end of the day, I love you. A childish, naive, innocent love. Full of longing and hope. I love you.

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fatedwithmbc · 1 year ago

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Coloring books anyone? I just ordered some spiral ones from Amazon. Why? Insomnia induced shopping and my reward points meant they were “free”. The books I have are all too intricate and I just don’t have the patience to sit down with them anymore. I needed something more simple to occupy my attention span. Sounds backwards, doesn’t it?

I had a conversation with Mom-Mom today about how I can “feel” I am ready to go back to work. Despite having purged and cleaned a lot of things to make my days more productive while I’ve been on my medical leave, I just have this antsy feeling that I am not doing all that I can be. My brain is the opposite of fried and it’s starting to physically affect my body. Yet, I am hesitant.

My medications for immunotherapy have left me with a “delay” or a “brain fog”. Ever have a word on the tip of your tongue but can’t quite grasp it, or feel like the search for it takes an eternity? I have that feeling A LOT in everyday conversation, in watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. I know this probably sounds silly to some, but I used to be whip smart and rattle off answers. I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel like there is a cloud blocking what I want to say almost all of the time. The words and answers eventually come to me, minutes, sometimes hours later. It’s frustrating. My impatience doesn’t help.

Speaking of work, it was my 15 year anniversary with my organization today. Although, I feel like a year of it should be taken away due to all of the time I’ve taken off due to medical leave. Hard on myself? Absolutely. It also dawned on me that the team is likely ramping up for Medicare Annual Enrollment already and the dreaded “freeze” will likely be in effect when I return. The freeze is to prevent colleagues from leaving their current roles and requires them to remain on their current teams to support the activities needed for the Medicare Annual Enrollment Period. This means, that despite my plan, I will likely need to wait until next spring for a change in role. However, I am not even sure if a change in role is the right move for me at this time. I know I can’t be denied a role due to my health issues as that’s discrimination, but I know my current role inside and out and they have been with me since the beginning of my diagnosis. So, is this a good time for a change anyway?

Change is difficult for me. Even if it’s just a few days of sleeping in a different bed while being away. I need to start listing what to pack for my upcoming trip to Colorado. I researched trains earlier this evening to determine what time I need to be at the train station to catch the airport line train. I have to wrap the “Thank You” gift I have for my hosts. Unrelated, but I also need to go to the post office to mail a lavender gift set to my cousin and his wife (thank you, Mount Airy Lavender for the quick shipping and wonderfully made products!).

Random Thoughts:

- Day One off of my Arimidex, and my back pain has subsided. I am not convinced it was definitely the Arimidex yet. I could be experiencing a placebo effect or even a rare day where the pain isn’t part of my day. I think a few more days will tell the true tale. I would be grateful to give up physical therapy. I just wasn’t jiving wit the therapist, although she is a lovely person.

- John Kruk, what hat were you wearing during tonight’s Phillies broadcast? It appeared to have little Phanatics on it, but I cannot find the darned thing on any website. I bet it was specially made for him. I don’t think the Phanatic gets enough of his own clothing… Let’s fix this, Phillies. He’s only the greatest mascot ever (not just in baseball). Plus, you’d make bank selling his gear to women and children.

- Why does writing only come to me in the depths of the night?

- More progress has been made on my latest crocheting project, but my hyperhydrosis makes that difficult in the warmer months. Yarn + Heat = Sweat.

- I’m anxious to use my camera, but still waiting for an SD Card to be delivered by Amazon.

- I am half finished my “Thank You” cards for the donors of my fundraising for the Unite for Her Walk/Run this fall (9/23/23). With the help of my donors, I’ve raised $1300, and it’s not even August yet.

Alas, my eyes are getting heavy again. I will try to read a little more of the book I’ve been pushing through this week: “Heal. Grow. Love. Words to Help You Become” by Pierre Alex Jeanty.

Thanks for reading and supporting this little space of the internet.

El Fin.

#fated with mbc #confessions of a cancer patient #stage iv deserves more #metastatic breast cancer #stage iv metastatic breast cancer #breast cancer

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faces-in-unexpected-places · 8 months ago

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Oh please don’t be sorry, that was such a sweet response to receive, even if we weren’t the CLOSEST ever back in the day, it means so much. To put it briefly and simply, I’ve made a lot of IRL enemies in recent years for standing up for myself/others, so I am pretty accustomed to more than a few people being NOT super excited to see me lmao. So your response was honestly such a breath of fresh air and a reminder that maybe I’m NOT the awful person some people would like to believe I am. But enough about that - it’s mostly in the past now and I’m ready to leave it behind!

Because yeah, things are generally looking up! I’m in that transitionary phase in life where a lot of difficult times are wrapping up and (hopefully) easier/better times are ahead, but like you said, things take time and don’t happen overnight. Knowing that difficult times aren’t permanent definitely helps when trying to live happy in the moment, too.

WOW, what an awesome way to get a job, holy shit, that’s so great, Sara! And also kinda punk rock with the total honesty, and how she just went with it like “yeah yeah ur still hired tho”. I love it. Yeah I’d be down to hear more about it through DMs. Kinda silly, but sounds cool to be like “I can’t talk about it here, let’s fine a more secure line” lmao. THE WALLS HAVE EARS. (Picture yourself dressed like one of the men in black in full black suit, sunglasses and earpiece, please. Thanks).

Yeah, the work is interesting, and definitely important! I just wish that the pay vs necessary skills + amount of student debt ratio was a bit more balanced, is all. No offense taken, that is DEFINITELY a corncob with a little hat on lmao. He’s a silly looking guy.

As for what to do instead… god I don’t know. I’ve considered so many things from staying in my field and just trying to make some more strategic moves into biotech/pharma companies for salary increases all the way to leaving the field entirely in pursuit of a new one, going back to school AGAIN (ugh god) for even higher positions (optometry???) or even saying “fuck it” to spending more money on education and instead becoming my own boss with side hustles and the like. Still haven’t decided yet, obviously. But I’m keeping an open mind to hopefully give a better chance of a good outcome?

This is definitely not a pity bait just an observation but - I was a first gen college student from a broken home with a dad who wasn’t around much (and when he was, our time wasn’t very productive together) and a mom who worked two jobs to keep us from falling below the poverty line so we could afford to live in a city with nice public schools (ie she wasn’t around a lot either, but she did her absolute best to give me everything she could), so… I didn’t have a WHOLE lot of guidance about what to do once I got INTO college. Just that if I DID get in, then I was set for life (not true lmao but live and learn right?) and since my parents had never attended college at the time (mom went back and became a nurse WHILE I was in college) they couldn’t offer a lot of suggestions about how to get into a well-paying career, so the rest was kinda up to me. I could have made worse decisions for sure, but I could have made better ones too, if I had guidance from someone more experienced with navigating higher education and setting up careers.

Anyway I guess there’s my life story lmao. Just trying to figure out how to make enough money to buy a house, get married, and have a kid one day maybe, which is harder than I thought!!

Oh hell yeah, definitely going to do those ask games when I’m not LIVING AT THE AIRPORT ANYMORE. I wanna go home and take a shower 😭 oh also please enjoy this image I took

Why is he cut in half?? He looks like his torso is gonna just flop right over into the garbage can.

Some times, although they are few and far between, I feel like I'm actually making a difference with my work. Like something I do has an appreciable, positive effect on people's lives. It doesn't have to be big, just something that has an effect in practice; not just paper pushing, but an actual impact on how things are done in the industry. It always gets me when that happens, and I'm so glad I'm in a place where that is possible for me. I'm so glad I can do good in my own way.

#nerdnag #I have officially dedicated a tag to u to search for later on #let’s see if I can actually use it consistently lmao #no worries about the reply time as I mentioned I LIVE AT THE AIRPORT #it’s actually been fine like no flight delays or anything I just don’t fly very much haven’t properly showered in far too long and #am just not a very patient person in general lmao #I wanna GO GO GO #not sure if hacking the account is working out tho #hacking it might just mean begging tumblr staff to help me log back into bc it’s like 6 years since I logged into the account??#where does the time go?#answer: it’s in the past obviously #lmao what a dumb question #did you think that answer would be witty or insightful? well THINK AGAIN #I’m far too tired to use more than one brain cell at a time #I’ll think of something witty later lmao

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markresonates · 3 years ago

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summary: you get off on the wrong foot with Jaehyun when you first start living together, all the while unaware he’s seen something he shouldn’t have

pairing: new roommate!Jaehyun x fem!reader

genre: porn w/ plot, lil angst, tiny fluff

tropes: roommates, one sided enemies

word count: +6.4k

a/n: I’m finally done with my roommate req event! HALLELUJAH (& it only took me 8 months!!) my very last anon req is for Wayv’s Love Talk!

warnings: rough unprotected sex, throat f&cking, manhandling, masturbation, choking, degradation, yet another scenario of sexy stuff on camera bc i’m a total slut for that sort of thing, hard dom!Jaehyun, sub!reader

cold, disappointed and jet lagged - the only three words that describe how you’re feeling tonight and your soon-to-be roommate is to blame for all of them.

“Jaehyun, are you on your way? My flight got in nearly 45 minutes ago and the b-baggage claim area is so crowded that security basically pushed me outside,” you relay bitterly after the unnecessarily sharp beep to his voice mailbox rang in your ear. You called expecting to hear his charming voice (and by chance an apology) but all you got was the generic, off-putting robotic instruction ordering you to leave a message for the tardy receiver.

Frigid air prickles your skin as you lean against a concrete pillar painted in yellow stripes. Your teeth chatter uncontrollably thanks to the chilly weather of the changing seasons and you're mildly concerned he won’t be able to make out your muffled, urgent pleas over the phone.

“I w-would’ve gotten an uber earlier but I kept thinking you’d be here any second.” You check your battery level for the umpteenth time knowing that the clock is ticking on your limited communication privileges. “Ugh, my phone is going to die soon. I’m sending you a picture of where I’m standing right now, okay? I’m c-counting on you.”

You hang up quickly and capture a brief, three second video for better reference of your exact location outside the airport’s sliding glass doors. In your rush to share the short video with Jaehyun, your thumb accidentally flicks up through the collection of other videos in your camera roll, mistakenly selecting a different recording without your knowledge or consent. You don’t catch the slip-up before hitting send just within the nick of time. The dim screen fades into complete darkness not a millisecond later, reflective glass mirroring the aggravated features carved into your face.

“Great,” you mutter sarcastically. “Well, I hope he actually gets it.”

Phone dead and patience wearing thin, you’re basically stranded with no means of getting back to the amatuer chauffeur’s small house you’re moving into tonight. The original plan you laid out on the plane was to take care of at least half of the unpacked boxes as soon as you arrived. In your imagination, you pictured stacks of your belongings piled one on top of the other, occupying every corner of your room. Worst case scenario, they’re blocking the pathway to your bed too. It’s no question that your extreme jet lag is going to make it extremely difficult to remove even one single strip of tape; still, you know sleeping under your own covers is a must tonight to endure the cold that you’re unfortunately dealing with at this very moment.

Some may claim it serves you right for assuming you could depend on a person that you have A) never met in person, face-to-face; and B) only conferred with twice over the phone before signing a long-term, lawfully-binding lease with them. It wasn’t Jaehyun’s phone either, it was your other new roommate, Jungwoo’s phone. You doubt Jaehyun even has your number saved to his contacts despite Jungwoo creating a group chat for you guys days ago.

Jaehyun didn’t seem all that bad on those calls. Of course you’re biased though, opinion having been swayed by his good looks. You took one look at those pictures that were attached to the housing search profile website and made up your mind that living with someone that looked like that sounded like a good idea. What’s more is that rent came at a decent price.

You know that the “roommates to lovers” trope doesn’t happen too often in real life but it's nice to dream, right? And who knows, maybe you'll actually get your happily ever after with him Jaehyun.

Whereas Jungwoo is preoccupied with something else tonight, your prince charming was free to taxi you home. In fact, he was the one who offered to pick you up.

What a gentleman, you thought.

You wish you would've turned him down now. Even a pumpkin would have sufficed in this situation, since a fairytale fruit could have carried you halfway home before falling apart.

Jaehyun didn’t forecast traffic to be so brutal tonight. He regrets not looking up the traffic report from the news earlier in the afternoon and poorly timing when he was able to pick you up. If he had done so prior to leaving, he would’ve seen the massive pile up of a car crash in the middle of the freeway just before the correct airport exit.

The state of the weather outside only deepens how bad he feels. He predicts you’re likely a victim of the cold conditions with no clue at what time you’ll be relieved from the threat of frostbite; but he’s sure you’ll gladly appreciate the heated passenger seat and the warmth circulating inside the vehicle instantly when you climb into his car.

He twiddles his thumbs against the steering wheel to the beat of his favorite Kevin Abstract song until the music dies down. When the first verse of the following song plays over the speakers, Jaehyun fishes his phone out of his pocket, aiming to pick out a different tune. The brightness of the screen illuminates the front and temporarily blinds him. As he lowers the brightness, his vision slowly comes into focus. He’s met with a host of blurry notifications and deduces that you’re likely the culprit, being that he can't think of anyone else who has a motive to blow up his phone like this. And rightfully so; he is late after all. The entire lock screen is blocked by charcoal, rectangular shapes he faintly identifies as missed calls, a voicemail, a slew of text messages and a few videos. Within the past 10 minutes, he hasn’t moved an inch, the traffic in a complete and total gridlock. It takes his mind a split second to thoroughly assess the situation and deems it safe enough to choose the videos before the other things you’d sent him.

Eyes still a tad fuzzy, he clicks on Attachment: 2 videos. And for no particular reason, Jaehyun selects the second to play first.

Immediately stunned by what plays out on the screen, he almost fumbles the device to his feet before getting a grip on himself. He cranks down the volume on his phone to keep the moaning vibrating through his car speakers at a minimum. His eyes bulge out of his head as he takes in the dirty scene that’s shown in startlingly high definition. The clear, pixelated sex act you sent him depicts an unidentified girl wearing only a pair of heather grey panties. She was facing away from the camera, bent over on her knees in a rather spacious shower. Whatever it is that she was using to film the self-made porn of hers is waterproof as it is perfectly positioned on the tan, squared tile floor.

She looped a hand underneath herself and in between her legs. Her middle and ring fingers connected with the last article of clothing on her body. She began to rub over a damp puddle of her arousal that had pooled in the middle of her panties.

“Fuck, that feels good,” she moaned. "Just sooo good."

His eyes locked on the naughty girl. Based on how enraptured he is with her, it seems like the recording creeps by at a slow pace. He doesn’t dare check to see how long the video is, preferring to pretend the duration goes on longer than reality. To know that every second is counting down to the end would only bring him disappointment.

What doesn’t disappoint is her dirty talk.

“Do you see how wet I am? All I had to do was think about you fucking me and I could feel my panties getting sticky.”

She circled her fingers around her clit through the visibly soaked underwear. Her moans progressed into little whimpers every so often, twitching slightly as she alternates between various sex noises.

“You know, since the moment I saw you, I wanted you. Actually, more than that. I wanted you inside me,” she purred. “There was something about your lips that made me want them all over me. Or maybe it was your hands because I pictured them choking me.”

Thirty seconds into the video, the wet patch was already larger than before. In Jaheyun’s expert opinion, the visual aspect is not the most salivating part though. He’s always been a sucker for dirty talk. Simply hearing the seductive words that slipped from the slut's mouth would have his erection pitching a tall tent in his sweatpants.

“I really wish you were here. You should know that when I sleep, I always dream about you helping me out exactly like this, and I’ll wake up so wet that I need to change my panties before I drip down my thighs.”

She hooked her finger underneath the cotton material that was basically see-through by that point. He licks his lips as she shifts them to the side, out of the way for the main course, and GOD, is Jaehyun starving for it.

“Do you like what you see?”

He gawks at the sight of her arching her back further, lowering her forearm to the ground. The position made her arousal glisten in the low lighting that was now shining on her most private parts. Her fingers rimmed around her entrance before plunging inside. A whine fell from her hidden lips that he wants to see so badly. If only she would turn around for him so he could study her facial expressions contorting from the stimulation.

“How hard are you right now? I hope I make you really, really hard,” she said in an innocent tone, pulling her fingers out to trace through her folds momentarily.

“So fucking hard,” he’s compelled to whisper out loud for some reason. He spends a handful of seconds wondering who she is; she as in whomever it is filming the video and whether she’s a legit porn star or not because the video is so hot he wouldn’t mind seeing more of her work; and more significantly, she as in you.

Who are you exactly?

Jaehyun’s done his fair share of sexting, each girl on the other side of the screen determined to do anything for him to take them to bed (or his car, an empty room at a house party, or the nearest bathroom - public decency be damned) and fuck them mercilessly. It’s been a while since he’s received or sent any texts, pictures or videos but by no means is this even the 50th naked girl he’s seen in a video sent to him through some messaging app or another. This is a bit different though. You’re basically strangers. You barely learned each other's names last week. Not that he knew every girl he’s ever sexted with personally, but they’d at least had each other's contact information in some form. He can’t recall any reason he should’ve had your number. The blessed video he so oddly received from you summons his attention back when the girl’s fingers dipped inside herself again.

“Hey, I want you to imagine my hand jerking you off instead of your own, okay?” Her breathing was uneven, impairing the audibility of her naughty words that he’s become so infatuated with. “Or pretend it’s my mouth and you’re fucking my throat until I gag. How does that sound?”

All this time Jaehyun has held out from reaching inside his sweatpants but as soon as he hears those words, he's a goner. He hurriedly pulls on the string to untie the bow of his sweatpants and slides his hand under the loose waistband. His hand wraps around his cock right away because he never wears boxers with sweatpants for the sake of comfort. He’s never needed to really.

“Better yet, think about how it’s going to feel when you actually fuck me.”

Within five seconds from when he starts jerking off, he hears a car horn honk impatiently from behind him. He’s surprised to see the traffic picking up speed out of nowhere. He looks down at his phone one last time at the exact beat the girl looked back at the camera.

When YOU look back at the camera.

“I want you to remember I’m yours to use up whenever and however you want to. I’ll see you soon”

Here you are, you and all your glory, fingering yourself on camera. All along it wasn’t some random, slutty girl he was watching, it was his brand new roommate. And above everything, your sex talk is like nothing he’s ever heard before from any girl he's had wrapped around his finger. Amazingly enough, he gets even harder coming to the realization all of that was personally filmed for him.

He doesn't know your thumb was an accomplice to his erection. An accident that was the byproduct of your race against the clock. A fluke in which you have no idea in the slightest at the moment.

Jaehyun drops his phone for real this time. It’s probably for the better though. He doesn’t want his phone within reach. It’s ridiculous for him to pretend that the further away his phone is, the further away this whole situation gets. You just had to go and make this new roommate dynamic complicated. It was already weird enough that you sent that explicit video in the first place but now he’s seen you finger fucking yourself and diligently watched it happen for over 8 minutes. What’s more is that he jerked off to you; albeit, his pleasure being short-lived, it's about the fact that he had started masturbating at all.

The car lurches forward as he hurdles towards a situation that he didn’t anticipate he’d be facing tonight. He doesn’t want to give you the cold shoulder but because it’s your first time meeting, would it be easier to keep his distance and pretend like he didn’t see it?

Deep in thought, Jaehyun doesn't notice right away that he's approaching the airport terminal until silver reflective signs catch his eye. Just as he suspected, you are a shivering mess when he pulls up to the terminal. Even from a ways away, he sees you searching through the glossy windshields of every car that passed through. You balance on your tiptoes for a greater advantage point, weeding through the vehicles, praying Jaehyun would be on the other slide of the tinted glass. Coming into sight, your face turns stony rather than relieved to see his untimely presence. You impatiently yank open the passenger door to his black Mercedes.

“Fiiinally,” you huff. Instead of going for the trunk or the back seat, you pack your roller suitcase into the small space at your feet and climb into the car. You prefer to squish yourself into the passenger seat immediately and hold your stuffed carry-on bag in your lap than take up any additional time in the cold.

Jaehyun clicks the seat warmer on for you without question. “I’m really sorry, y/n. There was an unbelievable amount of traffic and I-”

“I agree. There was an unbelievable amount of traffic. Just so unbelievable, that it’s crazy you’d be this late to pick me up,” you rebuke his honest reasoning. “Can we just go, Jaehyun? I’m really tired and I wanna sleep as soon as we get to your place.”

The driver chuckles. “I'm not lying but believe whatever you want.” He starts up the car, accepting the mission of maneuvering his way through the herd of vehicles that were also picking up new aviation arrivals. “And It’s your place too now, y/n.”

“I mean, I guess,” you grumble stubbornly.

You don’t appreciate how he brushes off what you consider to be a legit accusation with merit and logical support. He gives off this easy-going, unbothered vibe. On any other day, you would find it comforting to have a roommate with these qualities; nevertheless, you interpret his attitude to be inconsiderate and dismissive in this case. As if nothing matters unless it impacts him directly. You furlough the intrusive thought that you like the way your name sounds on his tongue.

The drive to the house is 98% quiet. You don’t speak a word to each other until the point where Jaehyun impulsively breaks the uneasy silence, mustering up the nerve to ask the pressing question on his mind. He had assumed you would bring it up yourself and was leaving it up to you to decide on the right time, but he could sense his skin itching for the truth and the tickle couldn’t be ignored the entire ride home. “So… are we not going to talk about what you sent me?”

Tearing your gaze away from the shadowy abyss outside the window, you redirect a disinterested, weak attention to the inquirer. He didn’t expect himself to find it so cute when you quirk your head to the side to look at him. It would make sense if hearing your voice or watching your face turned him on but finding you to be anything else was surprising.

“What do you mean? Like the voice message or the video thing?”

He carefully turns the corner onto your street. “The video, obviously.”

“Uh, what about the video? Didn’t you find me easier because I sent it?”

“No, y/n, the thing where you-” He clears his throat and acts like pulling into the driveway requires every ounce of concentration to stall. “-well, you know what I mean.”

The rumbling vehicle at last dies with the twist of a car key. You get out of the car, heaving your carry-on bag over your shoulder and yanking your stuffed suitcase to the ground. He’s more confused than you are to receive a lost look from you. You break eye contact when the passenger car door accidentally slams shut harder than you expected it to. His dimples appear faintly, mouth perking upwards as he notices your subtle, frightened jump.

You sigh. “Jaehyun, I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Jaehyun doesn’t push further with the topic. He forfeits the question for another, less tense moment, whenever that may be. It’s not like you’ll be very far. You’re living right next door, sharing a wall, practically available to him everyday. He’ll play along with this naive little game of yours for a while if that’s what you desire.

The low sound of wheels rolling away from the vehicle echo through your new neighborhood. Crossing his arms, he leans against the car with no regard to the condensation coating the slick metal of his door. He watches your backside as you lug the roller suitcase up the half dozen, concrete stairs to the porch. There’s never been a time when he wished he could see through clothing more than this very moment. He’s seen you exposed on camera and he’ll never look at you without being reminded of your see through panties. Certainly, that was your goal when you filmed yourself like that exclusively for him.

You enter the passcode to the wide front door. Peering over your shoulder one last time, you’re greeted with what could be interpreted as a lustful gaze with a cheeky, lopsided smirk to match. But then again, maybe you’re looking into it too much. Seeing things that aren’t there isn’t very uncommon for someone with exhaustion. “Thanks for finally picking me up. Night.”

“Sweet dreams, y/n,” Jaehyun remarks after you turn away.

You might’ve second guessed the intent behind the look he gave you but you couldn’t mistake the teasing quality that his words carried. Like he knew something you didn’t and it was both annoying as hell and arousing. You stop in place for a second and sigh loudly.

Living under the same roof as Jaehyun is going to be nothing like you expected it to be and you have yet to find out in which way that is.

Jaehyun’s felt dehydrated all week and it’s all because of you. No matter how much water he drank, he knew he wanted something else on his tongue. His vivid imagination has been flooded with pornographic thoughts of your body ever since watching what you sent him. Picturing his fingertips brushing lightly over your hot skin, pressing his mouth against both pairs of your wet lips, tracing his eyes over your naked figure and much, much more.

In contrast, you’ve only been here a little over a week and there’s nothing you’d like more than to see less of Jaehyun’s stupidly handsome face.

“Morning, beautiful,” he smiles as you enter the kitchen, cocky dimples on display per usual.

“Yeah, it sure is a beautiful morning,” you retort. You head straight for the fridge to remove the coffee creamer, not sparing a single glance to the individual sitting at the counter.

Your comment wasn’t meant to be amusing but he gifts you with hearty laughter anyways. You’ve heard a lot of his laugh this week, nearly twice the amount you would if you were living with Jaehyun alone and not sharing a house with part time parrot Jungwoo. “Why are you always doing that?”

“Doing what?”

The tall stool he’s seated on squeaks across the laminate flooring as he scoots back. “Twisting my words around like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“Well maybe if you said less words to me you wouldn’t be so let down.” You set the creamer down and reach up to retrieve a mug from the cabinet above. He clasps his hand over yours on the wooden handle, thrusting the marginally-parted door shut. The gesture is so sudden that it causes you to flinch back, hitting his solid frame directly behind you. Your muscles tense up, core tightening as his budge prods your backside.

“Baby, ignoring me is what’s letting me down,” Jaehyun says in a smooth, pleading voice.

With every passing day, his forwardness has steadily increased. If he wouldn’t have come on so strong all of this would’ve been different. What was irritating was that he thought if he kept trying hard, eventually you would break. He’s made flirty comment after flirty comment but he’s never been this close nor have you wanted him this close before. Your body betrays your better judgement, grinding up against him to feel the hot ache swell inside you.

“Just admit it already, no need to be shy anymore. There’s no taking it back, y/n.” He lets go of the cabinet handle to grip your hips instead and that molecule of recovered freedom from his hand is enough to knock some strangled sense into you. He doesn't fight when you push back with intentional force.

“It? What the fuck is it?”

Blinking a half dozen times in confusion snuffs out the aroused spark in his eyes. “You’re- how long are we going to play this game, y/n? Because it’s getting exhausting.”

You scoff. “Jaehyun, there is no fucking game!”

He watches you storm out of the kitchen, too worked up to any conjure patience for coffee. Your acting is commendable, that’s for sure. You could make a career out of it if you wanted to. He’s given you every opportunity to come clean and address the elephant in the room but you’ve played it off like nothing. Your body language, expressions and tone were ultra convincing. You were so good at pretending you don’t know exactly what he’s referencing in that incredibly believable voice of yours, spinning lies left and right from the very start.

Either you regret having sent that naked video or

Jaehyun clicks his tongue as the shot pans out to the full picture.

… there’s an extremely real possibility you truly don’t know it was sent and he’s seen something that was never meant to reach his eyes and a simple solution is nowhere in sight.

Jaehyun’s always maintained this smooth, cool guy reputation, unbothered by nearly everything and just going with the flow of things, but if you studied his behavior now, you’d clearly see he’s basically a different breed. Guilt can do that to a person.

He feels ashamed to be imagining inappropriate scenarios about you since he was the accidental recipient of that video almost two weeks ago. Especially because at the moment, he is sitting across from you on the living room couch. Perverted thoughts infect his mind throughout the day and he’s been too weak to make any effort to find the cure. Shame doesn’t stop his mind from wandering into a daydream of slurping up your cum, every drip that dribbles from the corner of the seam of his lips being your juices, not water. Or the drool that dribbled down his chin from time to time since you arrived, deep in the thought of being in your folds. The only thing that will get Jaehyun through the vampire flick you picked out was the reassurance that the second he was free from Jungwoo’s mandatory roommate bonding night, he would race to his room and rewatch your pornographic video for what may or may not be the millionth time.

“I can't believe you’ve been hiding it from us!” Jungwoo gasps.

“Wha- me? Hiding something?” Jaehyun’s nervous eyes bounce back and forth between his roommates faces’. He had been zoning out and wasn’t watching the movie like you and his accessor. His ears burn, swallowing a guilty lump in his throat.

“You have fangs and perfect skin… why didn’t I put it together sooner that I live with a vampire?” Jungwoo says, his skilled comedic delivery making you laugh. Jaehyun's slightly jealous he hasn't made you laugh like that but there's still a sliver of hope he can in the distant future.

Jaehyun looks at the screen for the first time in 10 minutes, noticing the character’s vaguely similar traits he was being likened to. “Oh, yeah! Sorry for not saying anything.”

He sneaks a few longing glances at you every so often until you finally catch him for the first time towards the end of the movie. Or so he thinks it is the first time you catch him; you’ve noticed several of them without his knowledge ever since the morning you grinded against each other. His fight or flight mode is a mere millimeter away from taking over his senses. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down and will away the erection in his plaid pajama bottoms. Lucky for him, it doesn’t kick in before the credits to the horror film roll down the flat screen tv.

“Wow, great movie choice, y/n,” Jaehyun compliments halfheartedly, springing up from the couch. He scrunches his nose quickly to hike his glasses up to where they belonged, a habit of his that you hate to find adorable. “So…. see you guys tomorrow.”

.....

After bidding you and Jungwoo goodnight as soon as he can, he returns to his room to attend to his daily masturbation routine. He hears you start the water and get in the shower (which conveniently resided on the other side of the wall in his room), leading him to queue up his favorite pornography again. By the time you leave the steamy room, he has already passed out in bed. You are equally as tired as he is, one of those reasons being due to the fact that you did the same exact thing he did in his room to you in the confines of the semi transparent sliding shower doors.

Every glance you catch of Jaehyun's makes your imagination run wild. His lingering, lustful stares remind you of how hard he felt against your ass. Thinking of that dimpled dork nowadays makes you sexually frustrated which is something your previous self would’ve cursed you for.

Unforeseen consequences await you in the dark for being too worn out to pay attention to your surroundings and too lazy to turn on the lights: mistakenly stumbling into one of your roommates bedrooms in the complete dark with the misconception you are entering yours… followed by basically sleepwalking to bed and slipping under the warm covers. You fail to notice that the heavy blankets aren’t yours. You regularly sleep in one of those oversized t-shirts that you were gifted as a kid (but never grew into). For the most part, you stick to the same habit on freezing nights like this one.

Despite the mini heater set up in the corner of the room, the temperature prompts you to snuggle back into what you imagine is your firm, overstuffed body pillow, not a naked body.

You’re too sleepy, nearly reaching dreamland when his fingers connect with the thin material of your panties covering your swollen slit, the temporary side effect of making yourself come just minutes ago. You twitch out of the lasting oversensitivity.

“How does that feel, baby?” Jaehyun asks in a gruff voice.

You hum softy, and arch your back. “S-so good, ugh.”

“God, so it was all just a fucking game. I should’ve known.” He rubs the spot with increased pressure. “Were you this desperate that you had to get in bed with me when I was sleeping?”

“What are y-? This is my bed,” you assert weakly.

“Aw, baby. Do your blankets feel like this? I don’t think so,” he replies, thumbing your panties to the side and diving into your folds in no time. “Does the little slut like it when I touch her like this?” Jaehyun taunts you.

“Fuck, yes. I love it, Jaehyun,” you moan.

He shoves his fingers inside you suddenly, causing you to whimper at the unexpectedness. “Hey, why are you so sensitive, baby?” Playing with yourself made it so that if someone were to even lightly touch your clit, your body would jerk. Jaehyun snorts and chuckles mockingly, connecting the dots and answering his own question. And for that very reason, he pulls his fingers from your wet hole to rub fierce circular shapes over your already throbbing clit. You thrash in his arms and whine loudly. “Be honest with me, what were you doing in that bathroom?”

You take shallow breaths while you twitch from the shock waves of bliss from his fingers. “I w-was playing with my s-self in the shower.”

“Mmmh, what a good girl you are. I love that you make yourself come in the shower,” he praises you in your ear. He kisses your jaw, pressing his hard cock up against your ass just like you missed. “And what were you thinking about, hm?”

“Jaehyun, you know who I was t-thinking about,” you manage to spit out.

“Well, maybe I just wanna hear it from the naughty mouth of yours that I love so much.” He bites down hard on your shoulder and works his mouth back up to your neck. Jaehyun continues to nibble at your skin, imagining he’ll leave marks on your body like that movie you watched earlier to show that you’re his. He’ll welcome the same love bites on his white skin from you later.

“I think about you… fucking me… really hard every time I make myself c-come,” you choke between worn, strained breaths.

“And when was the first time you did that?” he wonders sincerely.

“I… maybe like-”

“Honesty only, baby, I’m warning you.”

His chilling words struck a chord inside you. “I think it was the day b-before we met.”

“That’s what I like to hear, slut.”

Within a blink of an eye, he’s thrown back the covers and at the edge of the bed. Jaehyun yanks you down the bed by your ankles until your ass is nearly hanging off the sheets. It takes only a split second for him to haul your shirt over your head and flings it somewhere in the shadows. Spreading your legs further than you’ve spread them before, he cracks a greedy smile. His dark eyes look you up and down. He hasn’t even started filling you up and yet, you can already imagine how he’ll wear your body out and preemptively feel the soreness awaiting you tomorrow.

“Gonna fuck you so hard just how you like it. That’s all I could think of since you sent me that video before I picked you up from the airport two weeks ago.” He bows down to capture your lips in a searing, sloppy kiss for a dozen seconds then pulls away.

“What does that video have to-” your words dissolve into a half pained and half pleasured sob as he sinks his hard cock inside you all at once.

Your throbbing walls hug his length so perfectly that his moan echoes around his room. He feels snug inside you, like you’re nice and full having your stretched heat plugged full of him. “Fuck, nothing has ever felt so good. A naughty slut like you should be proud, you’re way better than I imagined when you sent me that video of you fucking yourself in the shower.”

“fuck...oh my god. I didn’t mean to send that to you, Jaehyun,” you squeak. If only you had had a reason to text him these past few weeks, you would've seen the damned self-made pornographic text in your messages but instead, you had religiously avoided him. "I had no idea that-" you try to explain the misunderstanding before his hand closes over your throat. He squeezes the sides of your neck, providing you with enough oxygen so you won’t pass out.

“Whack me anywhere if I press too hard, baby,” he tells you, voice laced with compassion he hasn’t shown you once tonight.

You do your best attempt at nodding your head before closing your eyes and enjoying every rough thrust he has to offer. Squelching, lewd noises that come from pumping in and out of you rapidly fill the air. Beads of exhaustion halo around his hairline, putting in maximum effort to fuck you harder than he has ever before and every inch where your skin meets the others sticks together from sweat coating it. He hoists your body up differently, your lower back now levitating above the mattress a few inches for him to stuff a big pillow underneath you. Then he presses your knees to your chest and hits your favorite spot deep inside you repeatedly at an unbelievable rate. He assigns the hand that’s not choking you to abusing your clit with an aggressive speed, leaving your body with no choice but to jerk back and forth by reflex and distorting your vision with the oversensitivity’s influence.

Time passes by in a haze and you have no idea how long it takes you to feel the knots tying in your abdomen again. You whimper as loud as you can manage and he searches your face for any panicked signs of stopping. He watches in wonder as your lips part, eyelids flutter, brow furrows and twitches and takes this as a cue to rub your swollen clit harder and rock inside you at the most ferocious pace he can muster. Releasing the strict hold on your throat, he delivers a few strong spanks to the upper backside of your thighs, snickering when you yelp. He then anchors that hand to the side of your waist and tightly clamps down on your skin to hold you in place and fuck you just the right way you deserve.

You feel a throbbing ache in your core, indicating another overwhelming wave of bliss is knocking at your door, about ready to burst. You can’t manage to keep your fucked out noises from escaping your hoarse throat. It takes all of the last remaining battery life to softly cry out, “I’m yours to use up whenever you want, Jaehyun,” exactly like you remember from that older video he must've been referring to.

As you peak, squeezing your eyes shut and spasming erratically, you hear him groan, “I’m yours too, y/n.” You hold onto the tight, heated sensation for as long as possible with aid from Jaehyun’s persistent thrusts and sensitive stimulation. The moment you feel like you’ve mostly recovered he orders, “get on your fucking knees, whore.”

Quickly doing as you’re told, you drop to the ground, sitting up straight, and rocking back on your heels. You hold your mouth wide open for him to do as he pleases with it. Jaehyun grabs the back of your head with both hands and thrusts himself inside your mouth. Going down your throat in one swift motion, you gag on his cock, choking momentarily before bobbing your head as best you can manage. You look up at him with watery eyes as your jaw painfully extends for his pleasure.

"God, I love your mouth, baby."

You lethargically hum at Jaehyun's praise and wind your arms around his thighs. He shoots his cum mostly down your throat not 10 seconds later while an unrestrained croak rumbles up his own throat. Once he's emptied into your mouth completely, he gingerly pulls you off of him. His thumbs stroke your tear stained cheeks affectionately. A salty, bitter taste coats your mouth as some remaining cum sits in the middle of your tongue. He grins, marveling at how you open your mouth to show him what’s left of himself then swallow gladly because who in their right mind would spit Jaehyun's cum out. Helping you up from the floor, you lick the corners of your lips.

Jaehyun lays back against a few pillows he squishes between himself and the wall at the head of his bed. He waits until both of your lungs have caught a majority of the oxygen generally required for human survival before speaking. “So, y/n... do you really expect me to believe you sent that video by accident?”

You roll your eyes at his insinuation, giggling softly as you crawl up the bed. His charming dimples make an appearance alongside a fond, lopsided smirk. He finally made you laugh- a feat he severely doubted to accomplish so soon. He lifts the blankets up for you to wiggle your way underneath them and into his lap. You're embraced by his muscular arms, the flowery fragrance of fabric softener and his clean-scented cologne that sticks to the navy sheets.

“Well, it’s more believable than traffic that makes you an hour late," you tease, craning your neck around to plant one last kiss on Jaehyun's lips.

!!! I'm fucking siked about Favorite !! i wanted to write a Jaehyun vampire au but i couldn't fit it in quick enough for this comeback so i'm settling with this i guess ?

stream love talk & *Favorite*

��my masterlist

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demonprodigy-kingofsheep · 2 years ago

Text

Lost in the cityscape, where I try to find you (part 1)

Dedicated to @originalartblog aka Nawy. Thank you for your arts, Nawy, I hope you know I come back to your teen skk everytime I have a rough day, for they cheer me up immensely.

Day 1

It had been mere minutes since eighteen year old Nakahara Chuuya had landed at the airport after a month-long mission in the west. And already, he had been assigned to his next one.

He stared at his driver incredulously through the rear view mirror of this newly purchased sleek red Mercedes, his fist tightening on the cream leather armrest.

“What do you mean Dazai has gone missing?”

The driver gave him an apologetic look. “I personally don’t know much about it, but Hirotsu-san asked me to pass on this message to you as soon as you arrived. The boss requests that you find Dazai-san immediately and try to bring him back to the headquarters. The Black Lizard unit is too occupied with a scuffle involving another organization, but either way, the Boss said that he trusts only you to find him.”

Chuuya frowned. Dazai going missing without a trace? Mori needing a word with him? This seemed a bit sketchy. Dazai might be lazy, but he was not the type to leave the mafia without any kind of intimation.

As a reflex, he automatically dialed Dazai’s number. His partner had some explaining to do.

“Bastard, pick it up,” he growled into his phone as it gave up after a series of full rings. Three times he had dialed Dazai and was met with silence, as if he was a world away. With a short huff, he slipped his phone inside the pocket of his black jeans.

Well, it wasn’t like that stupid guy answered his calls out of their missions anyway.

But still, he felt something off about it. “Stop near the headquarters and get down,” he told his confused driver. “I’ll take this car by myself.”

“But- but it’s my job to-”

“To listen to what I say. It’s my own car anyway, not the Mafia’s.” Chuuya softened his tone, “This mission might be too dangerous for you. Leave it to me and go help someone else.”

It was a lie. Searching for Dazai wasn’t supposed to be that difficult of a task, but he wanted to do that alone. Having unnecessary inputs from anyone would distract his intuition, and he wanted to focus to get this mission done soon.

The driver brought into his lie, though. After all, Chuuya did have a reputation of taking on the most dangerous missions. “Alright, as you wish,” he said.

Once the Chuuya got into the driver’s seat, he snapped on his seatbelts and drove straight to his destination, one that he knew existed but had never actively paid a visit before. “I’m gonna break his phone into pieces using his thick skull,” he grumbled as he steered using one hand, another checking the reception for a signal tracker in his phone. “It’s not like he needs it after all.”

Chuuya’s trip to the landfill that Dazai lived in was effortlessly smooth, thanks to his top-class luxury sedan. He had been more than happy to switch over to driving his own car recently rather than rely on the Mafia’s compromised chauffeur service, especially after the whole Verlaine incident. As a treat for surviving yet another year in the mafia, he had flipped through a few catalogs and splurged on the most expensive car in the showroom.

But now he had to step out of it, and the stench of the toxic dumping ground hit his nose like a truck. However, being a person who was used to stenches worse than that, he strode towards a lonely blue shipping container lit by the sun in the middle of an abandoned ground- the shipping container that Dazai called his home.

“Oi, Dazai,” Chuuya bellowed as he kicked the flimsy door open, “Stop ignoring me!”

The door fell off its hinges, its thud echoing throughout the empty darkness inside. Chuuya reached for the table lamp- guided by the pale, feeble light of the sun that streaked in through the gaping hole where the door had stood- and pulled on its cord, switching it on.

This was the first time he saw the condition Dazai lived in, and to say the least, he was shocked. An amber light threw the entire “room” into visibility. A desk stood, stacked with paper, the bed was bare and unmade with nothing but a thin blanket that probably did nothing against the cold. The room was bare, as soulless as the person who lived in it.

Chuuya faintly recalled Kouyou telling him how the environment a person lived in would be reflective of their personality. No wonder Dazai was depressed. Just standing in the room for a few seconds made Chuuya so claustrophobic that he wanted to puke.

What on earth was Dazai even thinking, living in a place like this?

However, there was no time to ponder over that. A good look around told him Dazai had clearly not been in the room for a while. He rummaged through the drawers- which were mostly empty except for a few handy tools- and the fridge, which was just stacked with canned crabs and sake. Chuuya grimaced. He grabbed a sheaf of paper and scanned through their contents. It was handwritten, by Dazai himself, something about some ‘Mimic’ and singularities. The rest of his handwriting was almost illegible, marred through criss-crossing lines and dots and more frustrated scribbling.

Chuuya confiscated those sheets. Despite the fact that only Mori might be able to decipher it, he judged it to be either a valuable clue to Dazai’s destination, or classified documents that risked discovery if they were here in Dazai’s absence.

A small beep from his phone made him look back. His phone picked up a strong signal from Dazai's transmitter, emitting from a location near the port. All the people in the mafia had transmitters implanted within them, for others to keep an eye out, for easy contact, and for bringing back bodies.

Dazai’s transmitter was still working.

Chuuya got into his car once again, chucked the bundle of papers in the back and twisted the key. “Wonder what ditch he had crawled into this time…” he murmured as he made his way, full speed, towards the location on the map.

The place Dazai’s transmitter sent signals from was down Yokohama Harbor. Ships were docked in a line, and the road traffic lessened due to noon. Chuuya parked his car and walked over to the area where the light pulsed in his phone, only to look up and see no one. The wooden platform next to the sea was empty, the fountain at the other side gurgling an empty song. His eyes scanned the nearby area till they landed on a dustbin.

“Oh, no way,” he cursed as he walked over, imagining Dazai’s wretched face laughing at him, as he peeked into the depths of the bin.

A smear of dried blood and a microchip lay buried amidst the tobacco stumps and crumpled paper cups.

Chuuya straightened and turned around, facing the wooden sidewalk and stainless steel railing that marked the start of the endless sea ahead.

For a second, a horrible thought settled into his mind.

What if…?

“No,” he said aloud to himself, firmly refusing to entertain even the possibility of that intrusive thought. “He’s alive. I know it. Cockroaches like him don’t die so easily.”

As if that lit a spark of denial within him, Chuuya looked around for a place to continue his investigation further. Fortunately, there was a stall selling boba tea not far away. While Chuuya was personally an espresso guy, he needed that information, plus he was hungry, so there was no time to be picky.

He strode to the stall and sat in one of the four chairs placed under an umbrella to shade him from the sun. The boy who ran the stall seemed quite happy to have a customer, for most of his potential customers were flocking to a new, air-conditioned stall nearby in the sweltering afternoon.

Chuuya didn’t even bother scanning through the menu. “Fix me up with whatever you’ve got the best,” he told the young boy, who looked perplexed but still nodded. Maybe he had never seen a customer act this way before.

As the boy was preparing his tea, Chuuya seized the opportunity to ask questions.

“Do you work here everyday?”

The young boy tilted his head. “Since the past week, yes. Couldn’t afford to pay fees for my professional swimming classes, so took this up as a part-time.”

“I see. So how’s your day going on?”

“Same old, same old. Winter has begun and there’s more crowd as the sun sets, so evenings are a little hectic.”

“Did you notice anything interesting recently? Anyone acting… a little off? Trying to jump into the ocean or something?”

The boy looked at him startled, almost dropping the cup he was about to hand Chuuya. “Do you mean, like, committing suicide?” he asked, eyes widening. “Did they find any bodies around here?”

“No, no. Nothing like that. I just thought a scene like that might make a job like this more eventful.”

A part of Chuuya was mildly relieved, but he knew it was child’s play for Dazai to slip away from the eyes of the crowd whenever he desired, so it was still not out of the question. Chuuya took the flask from him, reached into his wallet, and slapped a stack of money around ten times the price of the boba tea he brought.

“S-Sir,” the boy looked like he was about to faint, “This is too much-”

“Do me a favor, will you?” Chuuya said nonchalantly as he walked away towards the direction of his car. “I’ll be back in a few days. If you see a person wrapped in an ungodly amount of bandages, just let me know.”

—

The rest of the afternoon was a blur, with Chuuya making a quick trip to almost all of the Port Mafia bases scattered throughout Yokohama and inquiring about Dazai's whereabouts. As expected, no one had seen him since the past few days. But Chuuya did collect information about some events that had happened when he was absent, about a mafia underdog named Sakunosuke Oda who had apparently been dispatched to finish off the leader of an enemy organization named Mimic in exchange for the government recognizing Port Mafia as a legitimate, licenced gifted organization. Certainly a win for their side, despite the loss of life that occurred during the strife, including that of Oda’s. While this made sense of the papers he found at Dazai’s place, what he did not understand, however, was if the incident was related to Dazai and his disappearance from the Mafia.

Every lead was a dead end. It was frustrating, and Chuuya did not know what to make of the whole situation.

By midnight, he had exhausted all his immediate options in and around the city. Feeling heavy to the bone, he parked his car and dragged himself to a local bar, hoping that a bottle of whiskey would be enough to drown the day and all that came with it. He slumped into a chair next to the bartender and automatically placed his order, barely registering the words in his own head. His thoughts echoed a million questions; his feelings, about as composed as a rowboat tossed into the middle of an ocean tempest.

For three years now, he had wished and hoped a day would come when he and Dazai no longer needed to work as partners. The day when their intertwined fates would finally branch out into different directions. That day, he thought, would be the best day of his life.

Now that the day seemed to be here, he was a mess.

As the bartender placed his drink in front of him, one question screamed the loudest through the recesses of his brain.

Is he truly gone for good this time?

Chuuya paused, the drink halfway towards his lips. A beat of silence later, he dared to think of one more.

Am I truly free?

His eyes widened, lips now parted in the stark realization of the situation he found himself in.

Through the rush of anxiety and the stream of concern at the thought of Dazai lying dead in a ditch somewhere, he felt- to his utter horror- a twisted sense of relief.

No one will ever see through Chuuya as clearly as Dazai did. No one will predict his movements with such accuracy, plot insidious plans that assert control over him, dig into Chuuya’s past as a man-made vessel for a god, torment him with childish pranks, drive him into a fury with just their mere existence.

It also meant he could never use Corruption again. Not unless he was willing to die.

While that was technically a loss for the organization, it was nothing but another tick in a list of wins for Chuuya. He hated using Corruption- to give up control of himself to an otherworldly entity with no mercy towards friend or foe, relying solely on Dazai to bring him back and keep him alive, suffering from internal bleeding so bad that it took weeks for him to heal.

Never again.

A choked laugh bubbled up his throat. He downed the whiskey with trembling hands, slammed the glass on the counter, and looked up at the bartender. “Gimme a bottle of the most expensive wine in your collection,” he declared. “Tonight is a night to celebrate.”

The dim amber lights across the bar lulled him into a state where he could see past memories playing in front of his eyes in weirdly high definition. He remembered all the times he had cursed Dazai, telling him that he hoped that he’d die so that Chuuya would never have to look at his wretched face again.

How did he feel about his curses coming true?

Well, he only realized he had never really meant them in the first place after all.

Shame creeped into him for the words he had just uttered as the bartender placed a brown bottle of wine carefully on the counter. “A rare Petrus, 89,” the bartender said, “I hope it fits the special occasion.”

Chuuya had swiped his card and curled his fingers around its cool neck when the hair on the back of his neck stood as he picked up the shockwave- right before the sound of an explosion rang out right outside the bar.

Like everyone else, Chuuya involuntarily ducked under the table, hand covering his head as he did, but he was the first to recover. Noticing that their lives weren’t in immediate danger, he grabbed the nearest thing that could double as an extra weapon- the bottle of wine- and rushed out to meet the culprit, only to be greeted with the shattered, smoldering remains of his brand new luxury sedan.

Head swimming and ears ringing, Chuuya slowly approached what was left of his car. A single tire rolled towards him, bumping his leg before tumbling flat on the ground.

Chuuya stared at the tire for a long time, nostrils filled with smoke, barely registering the chaos around him. Never before had he felt this exhausted, ashamed, frustrated, and defeated in his life.

So he simply sat down on the broken tire, ripped the seal of the vintage Petrus, pulled open the cork using his teeth, and chugged down the hideously expensive wine right out of the bottle as he watched his car burn.

It was truly a celebration of a new low.

—

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