#and it’s really hard it’s about a lot of stuff that feels hard to fully articulate

[changeling-droneco]

#i fully used the jkr stuff to hopefully get some allos to actually pay attention and I am not ashamed#i would do it again in heartbeat

Honestly it's nothing to be ashamed if even one person saw that going down and decided to look deeper into aspec stuff or at least put forward a bit more of an effort to support it, totally worth it. Talking about some of my own experiences under the cut, it's a bit heavy with serious themes therefor, cut.

I got pretty lucky back then due to being a rather smaller blog at the time who mostly just reblogged other people back then so I dodged anything specifically targeting me but it really did feel like every other day someone I followed would reblog just something super aphobic out of the blue and I'd have to block them. I changed my icon to the ace colors back then as a part of being prideful of my identity yes, but also as a show of "you can't make us go away" I genuinely thought over whether it was worth the potential attention and hate from other queer people.

I remember finding cool lesbian blogs or whatever and having to check their faq or info or just search asexual and nine times out of ten be met with some cheeky aphobic response about how we weren't real or that our acceptance was heavily conditional like "ace" or "aro" was just an unimportant additive to our REAL label. I remember the gore and the sheer amount of sexual violence. I remember being TERRIFIED in june because it all got SO MUCH WORSE and more violent during pride an instinct that took me YEARS to get over.

I was there for the Thomas Sanders stuff and the tldr is someone sent an ask going all "hey what do you think of ace people" and thomas sanders the gay tiktok star was like "yeah ace people exist I support them" and then he IMMEDIATELY got accused of being a groomer pedophile and people dug for MILES to find anything even SLIGHTLY incriminating, he took a selfie that featured his butt? pedophile.

He was "cancelled" basically overnight the moment he said that with everyone complaining about how he was being homophobic by just acknowledging we exist. Like, right before that he was SUPER popular and hyped up but the moment ace people popped up? nope, he's a gay class traitor now. Genuinely despicable, no one ever apologized for THAT either.

It's still kinda hard to talk about this stuff, I was one of the luckier ones who dug my heels in but was also small enough to go under the radar, we lost a lot back then.

We were begging people to understand that to the rest of the world we were also seen as something wrong, something incorrect, something that needed to be fixed through pills and conversion therapy or sexual violence, and all we got was victim blaming and telling us that the language we used wasn't made for us and it was actually lesbophobic of us to use that language of corrective rape actually!

Oh also also any teenager who associates with Asexual has clearly being groomed by the Asexual Agenda tm because asexuality is purely about just SEX obviously and thats GROSS because obviously talking about kids and teens about sex in literally any capacity is bad. so we're cancelling sesame street for having an ace flag in their pride video because it's pedophilia did you know sesame street promoted pedophilia?

Plus that teen girl who got MURDERED in part for being asexual? not only are we going to spam the tags with her murder picture, we're going to gaslight everyone about how it was JUST about misogyny the asexual stuff had nooothing to do with it. It wasn't like we were constantly getting threats of assault and death. I remember you Bianca, and I'm so fucking sorry your memory was used to hurt your own community.

We're still here though with our black and white rings, and we'll always be here, but I know this shit comes in cycles, I'm just waiting for us to end up on the chopping block again.

I guess you could call tumblr's support for us very.....all or nothing

Honestly, I am pretty frustrated by the "haha why would anyone hate ace people" responses to Rowling's tweet.

Don't get me wrong, the support is nice. But if you want to be an ally, you have to do so on our terms, not yours. And that means actually engaging with the aspec community, not just posting positivity every now and again. And what those responses highlight to me is what I've known for a while; you guys only support aspec people when it's easy and convenient.

It's easy to support aspec people when it's J.K. Rowling being awful again. It's easy to support us when it's just reblogging an "aspec people are queer" post.

But what about when we are talking about amatonormativity and the relationship hierarchy? When we are discussing the enforcement of compulsory sexuality? When we are pushing for greater awareness and support for aspec identities that are not asexuality or aromanticism? When we are criticizing terminology that you use but harms us? Because I can tell you right now, I rarely see allo people engage with those posts.

Why do people hate asexuality (or any other aspec identity)? Because it challenges the societal norms that benefit them. And that is uncomfortable and scary. So they turn to hate and oppression in order to assure that the changes we push by just openly existing never happen.

That means that to be a good aspec ally, you can't just make a positivity post every now and again, and you can't just laugh about how stupid aphobes are. You have to openly challenge the societal norms that harm us, even if they benefit you. Including but not limited to:

The idea that romantic and sexual attraction is the default state of being (amatonormativity)

The idea that a romantic, sexual relationship completes a person

People in marriages receiving special privileges and benefits

The idea that platonic, familial, etc. attraction are default states of being

The idea that not feeling some form of attraction must be compensated for through another form of attraction

The idea that love (not just romantic) is inherently morally good, while not feeling love is inherently a moral failing

The idea that any one form of relationship is inherently more important or deeper than any other (relationship hierarchy)

The idea that any one thing makes someone human

The idea that not having sex is shameful or infantile

The idea that having sex without romantic love is callous

Gendered divides of sexual and romantic attraction

Other aspec people please feel free to add on/challenge any of this. Allo (not aspec) people please feel free to ask questions.

I've placed some resources for learning more about these topics under the cut.

Amatonormativity:

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5 - also in the Loveless section] [6 - also in the Compulsory Sexuality section]

Marriage Benefits:

[1]

Other Aspec Identities:

[Aplatonicism] [Afamilialism]

Loveless:

[1] [2 - also in the Amatonormativity section] [3] [4] [5]

Compulsory Sexuality:

[1 - also in the Amatonormativity section] [2]

Relationship Hierarchy vs Relationship Anarchy:

[1] [2] [3]

Oppression:

[1] [2] [3]

Miscellaneous:

[1] [2]

Books and Video Essays:

An Ace Discourse Retrospective by Jenny Geist

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown

[dreamersparacosm]

i just want to see jk's reaction when he found out our girlie INDEED got mingyu and she had him really good for ck in the drabbles tyvm lol

tpod!jk the kinda man to pout bc some man called his girl pretty.. which like, yeah, you are pretty but no need to vocalize it. hence why i am apart of the Jungkook Is A Jealous Man™️ club (i’m the president, actually.)

the price of desire — epilogue blurb 4!

prompt ; in which jungkook rethinks his friendship with mingyu (unprovoked)

warnings ; none!

It had come randomly one day.

You were working from Jungkook’s house — the unofficial branch of Calvin Klein’s global operations, if anyone asked — fully drowning in deadlines. Two laptops open, an iPad balanced precariously on your knee. Phone wedged between your shoulder and ear while you typed notes with one hand and crammed bites of cold noodles into your mouth with the other.

Three negotiations deep, sleep deprived, and running purely on caffeine and hubris, you had hopped on a “quick Zoom call” — a phrase that, historically, only ever led to disaster — and before you knew it, it was done.

Mingyu had finally become the face of the next Calvin Klein seasonal campaign.

You were so excited you nearly flung your laptop across Jungkook’s living room, barely managing to set it down before launching yourself at him in a flurry of screaming and celebratory laps around the couch.

Notably, he was not a happy camper.

At first, you thought he was just stunned or maybe a little proud (after all, you had just secured another kpop megastar, one of the most marketable faces in Asia, without even breaking a sweat.)

But then you caught him, side-eyeing your laptop and typing furiously on his phone, thumb jabbing at the screen like he was plotting a war crime.

Later, you found out from Yoongi, after another delicious session of judging people , that Jungkook had in fact texted Mingyu immediately. Something about “just so you know, she’s my girlfriend, so be chill.”

Whatever that meant.

(You tried to be mad about it for like three seconds until Jungkook shoved his face into your neck that night and mumbled “I just don’t want anyone thinking they have a chance with you,” and you, like an absolute fool, melted into the floor.)

All that to say — Jungkook is still not a happy camper a few weeks later, which becomes especially apparent the day he decides to visit you on set out of the goodness of his allegedly supportive boyfriend heart.

In theory, he’s there to support you, support his friend, Mingyu.

In practice, he looks like he’s about two seconds away from committing a crime of passion the moment he steps onto the parking lot you’ve all turned into a fashion set.

You spot him instantly — leaning against a brick wall, arms crossed, hoodie hanging loose around his frame. Raising your brow at him, you mouth behave like you’re scolding a petulant child.

His reaction to that is to tighten his arms across his chest and glare harder. Like you said.. petulant child.

Meanwhile, Mingyu is currently shirtless in nothing but Calvin Klein denim, all rock-hard abs and charming smiles, laughing at something the photographer said.

You turn back to your clipboard, trying to focus on work but out of the corner of your eye, you can practically feel Jungkook’s soul trying to claw its way out of his body.

He manages to hold out for another ten minutes before he finally snaps. Jungkook materializes at your side like a dark, sulking storm cloud, sliding next to you with all the grace of a man moments from murdering his friend.

“Jungkook…” You sigh.

“I didn’t say anything,” He mutters.

You glance at him; the man is slouching, hood up now too, looking like the grim reaper of jealousy. A sigh leaves your mouth, shaking your head to hide your laughter before prompting your assistant to ask to adjust the monitor’s brightness.

“He’s doing a good job,” You offer casually as if dangling bait in front of an animal.

“Sure,” he grits out. “Great job. Fantastic. Real groundbreaking stuff.”

You bite your lip, fighting a smile. On screen, Mingyu grins, turning slightly to show off the curve of his back muscles, Calvin Klein waistband sitting low on his hips.

Jungkook physically recoils at the sight like he’s been slapped.

He turns to you slowly, betrayal written all over his stupidly pretty face. “You think he’s better than me?” he pouts.

You shrug and taunt him, “I mean, yeah. A little.”

“You made me retire from Calvin Klein and then gave my job to Mingyu,” His eyes narrow into crinkled slits.

“I didn’t make you retire,” you retort, rolling your eyes. “You completed your campaign. Very successfully, might I add. And now you’re my personal boy toy forever. Congratulations.”

Jungkook scowls at you. You just grin in return unapologetically.

Across the set, Mingyu is pointing at the shots on the screen, deep in thought with the photographer and Jungkook visibly stiffens.

You lean over, crowding his personal space. “You wanna take your shirt off and show him who’s boss?”

“I will if I have to.”

You laugh at that, and Jungkook can only stand there, glowering at the man wearing the underwear he thinks he invented, while you watch with all the satisfaction of a true marketing genius.

At the end of the day, Mingyu might be the new face of Calvin Klein.

But you… you’re all Jungkook’s.

And no amount of glistening ab shots is ever going to change that.

masterlist + ask

[chil-aglia]

𝐃𝐨 𝐈 𝐋𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐇𝐢𝐦? |ROTTMNT| (Male OC)

[Phantom Pain]

Be sure to read the tags on my Ao3 so you guys know what you’re getting yourselves into.

Art above is done by my beta reader Cimmerian who is one of the most talented artists I know! Please go like their stuff on tumblr!

HE’S SO CUTE! I love him 😭

Warnings: Light angst, implied PTSD, blood (from flashbacks), etc

And of course, a quick thank you to my awesome beta readers @cimmerian1275 + @bootyshakerrr9000 who helped me out a lot with this chapter! Very talented and please, go give them a follow, love their work, etc.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leo had been curious about something since the day he first met Caden. If Leo's soul was stuck inside this stranger's body, then where was his physical body? The one that he was far more used to. The one he grew up in. 

Leo had no clue where Draxum was keeping him. He figured it would be in a lab of sorts, but he also knew Draxum was far too smart to just leave his vulnerable body in a lab that simply anyone could access.

He should ask Caden, surely he knew where they kept him. But… they currently weren’t on speaking terms, not since their incident with the med bay. Caden had given him the cold shoulder for the past few days. And to be honest, it was becoming really annoying for Leo. 

Why didn’t Caden see that it was best for Leo to amputate the infected arm from that guy? Did he want him to die? No, Caden couldn’t be that cruel, especially if he didn’t even know the man. Leo didn’t either, he might’ve seen him walking around before but he didn’t have time to stop and memorise everyone unless it was absolutely necessary.

Leo stood back, keeping his eyes on Caden who was propped up and leaning against the control panels inside the mindscape. He looked tired. Barely standing.

He would fall over if he kept this up. Leo can understand that it was hard to sleep, he’s dealt with insomnia for years. But this was just becoming ridiculous.

Caden needed sleep. He wouldn’t be able to perform and train properly without it. It would damage them both if Caden one day collapsed and got severely injured because of his fatigue.

He walks over, looking over Caden’s shoulder. “Hey, let me take over. You need to sleep.” He orders, fully expecting and waiting for an argument to start. But he was met with silence, which confused the older turtle as he walked around the panel to get in front of Caden.

To his utter shock, Caden was asleep. Sleeping up right but leaning against the panels. How that was possible, Leo had no idea. 

But he saw this as an opportunity. He just hoped this wouldn’t wake the young mutant and encourage him to be more pissed off at Leo than he already was. But he had to try.

Carefully he came around the podium and stood beside the sleeping mutant, slowly leaning over to place his hand on the activation panel. And to his surprise he could feel the body awaken, followed by the sensation of being pulled in.

Gaining control.

He gazed down at Caden, wondering if he was awake now that his body was, but he remained still and silent. Eyes closed, mouth open slightly and quietly breathing in a comfortable rhythm.

Leo sighs in relief and focuses back on the present. He was inside his room, staring up at the ceiling through Caden’s eyes. He almost wanted to sleep himself, feeling just how physically exhausted this young teen’s body was.

But Leo had something more important to do.

Find his body.

Grunting he stands up, rubbing the back of Caden’s neck as he walks around his room, grabbing the cloak for better measure to hide himself just in case he runs into anyone.

It was late so he hoped most of the base was asleep. “Okay Leon… let’s do this.” He spoke to himself in a determined whisper, pulling the cloak over himself and exiting the room.

-----

No…

Not here either…

This is just an old lab that was changed to be a botanic garden!

Leo grumbled, rubbing the borrowed hands over the face that wasn’t his. He had been searching everywhere he could possibly think of. Trying to think like a crazy yokai scientist was harder than he thought it would be.

He strolls down the hallway, head pounding from the stress and frustration as he stops in front of Draxum’s lab. He knew Draxum was either inside or in his room, and Leo was quietly begging for the yokai to be asleep in his bedroom, which was located on the other end of the base.

Leo glanced at the hand print panel, cautiously placing Caden’s palm against the machine, blinking in surprise but also in satisfaction when the doors opened, allowing him entry. He slinks his way inside, stealthily looking around.

No sign of Draxum. Or of anyone for that matter. “Easy… now, where the hell did you put my body?” Leo mumbled to himself, walking over to the corners hoping to spot some kind of visual clue.

But so far, he found nothing and he was testing his own limits, “Damn it!” He shouted, abruptly banging his hand against a table, some items falling off from the violent force of his slammed fist.

He winced at the loudness, looking around instinctively just in case someone overheard the outburst, but no one was around to hear. And Caden was fast asleep in a deep slumber in the mindscape.

Leo was fine. He just had to calm down and think.

He was good at thinking. Thinking is something he does all the time. Just take a breath…

Leo inhaled and held it before exhaling slowly, calming down the rising pressure of stress that filled his head. “Okay… if I was Draxum, where would I keep a body that I don’t want just anyone to find?” He asks himself, pacing back and forth with a hand under chin.

His eyes darted around the lab, zeroing in on anything that seemed out of place. “If I was Draxum…” He mumbles once more, his borrowed eyes settling upon a bare wall that was at the back of the lab.

He hums in curiosity, striding over and leaning forward to inspect the wall. “If magic taught me anything, it’s that there’s always a secret passage behind a wall.” He stated, placing his hands against the bricks, pushing on them lightly.

He did that a few times before his hand connected to the right brick.

A hand scanner appeared in its place, making Leo’s face break out in a sly grin, letting the scanner take note of Caden’s palm.

It beeps with a green light before the brick wall itself splits open to reveal an elevator.

“Draxum you sneaky bastard…” He mumbled in wry amusement, stepping inside the elevator and pressing the only button there was.

Down.

The doors close and the electric box descends, Leo taps the foot that isn't his against the floor repeatedly, impatient and slightly nervous for what he'll find when the doors open.

The elevator stopped and the doors slid aside, Leo hesitantly walked out as he ventured further inside the new destination. It was dark, there had to be a light switch somewhere right?

He carefully moved around, hands out in front of him as he felt around the walls, they were bumpy, rock like. Was this place some kind of cave? It would make sense considering they were already underground.

Aha!

Leo found what he hoped to be a switchboard, flicking on the first thing he felt. A quiet but noticeable hum echoed, and one by one, the hanging lights overhead turned on, brightening the place up to be seen.

Leo’s eyes quickly adjust and widen, breath caught in his throat as he observes the underground laboratory.

“Holy shit…”

He walks around, taking in everything he saw. How the hell did Draxum manage to keep this from them for so long? From him?

Leo was the leader, he should’ve known about a hidden lab. “Draxum, I’m going to punch you when I get my body back.” Leo told himself, trailing his hands against a table that had strange and unrecognizable materials scattered over its surface.

He stops when he sees a box inconspicuously hidden away under a chair. Tilting his head quizzically he crouches low and pulls it out, lifting it up and placing it down on the table, lifting the lid off it.

“What are you keeping from me Drax…?”

Leo dug through the box, it was mostly junk from what Leo could tell, but then he felt what appeared to be a smaller box inside. He picks it up, curiously examining it in his grasp.

His fingers traced over the lid briefly. Whatever Draxum had in here must be important right?

Narrowing his eyes he opens the cover, expecting to find… well, something that he could probably blackmail Draxum with in the future.

“…What the hell is this?”

He widens his eyes at the sight. They were photos. Lots of them, and they're all filled with Caden.

Are these all… baby pictures?

Leo picks one up, inspecting the photo. Draxum’s handwriting on the back claiming that this was 2 weeks into the creation of Caden, who was curled in on himself and floating inside a tube of green liquid.

The next photo he found was when Caden was 5 months old. Bigger and body no longer curled. But remained floating in the strange green water.

Leo puts them down, picking up another of when Caden was a year old into his creation. The first time he opened his eyes as the handwriting states on the back.

“Huh… he’s actually pretty cute in these.” Leo couldn’t help himself, speaking his thoughts out loud as he put the photo down, picking up another where it was Caden at 3 years old, toddler stage by now.

He was in the middle of a yawn, rubbing at his eye.

Another photo at 5 years of age, eyes open again as he had his small hand pressed against the glass of the tube, mouth open as though he was trying to communicate with Draxum, who must’ve been the one to take the photo.

Leo smiled fondly, his heartstrings tightening at the sight of these hidden pictures. He looks back at Caden through the mindscape, frowning slightly.

He was alone, basically trapped inside the tube for 17 years… and Leo had no idea. 

With a click of his tongue, he shakes his head and puts the photos away, closing the box lid and walking away from it. He had to focus. He was here to see if his body was around.

He moves around the underground lab, not knowing where he was even going. He followed the sound of machinery humming, whatever Draxum kept in this direction looked and sounded important.

He walks to where he could make out the silhouettes of a row of tubes, but they are dark, no light nearby and making it impossible to see what's inside. Leo clicks his tongue as he walks up to one, placing his palms against the glass, feeling around for another switch or something.

A button he felt on the side, he pressed down on it and stepped back at the sound of a whirring noise of what he could safely assume to be a water filter starting up.

The lights inside the tube turned on and Leo immediately felt his legs waver and become like jello. Stumbling back and bumping into a table, taking in panicked breaths at the sight.

The sight of him.

His grown adult body, floating in a green fluid, eyes closed and calm. Limp. And so… so dead-like.

Leo cautiously took a step forward, observing his body as he felt sick at the sight. Cuts and bruises clear on his skin, from when he was attacked.

His eyes gazed to his left arm, seeing a gash that was stitched up but he instinctively gripped tightly at his current left arm. Or he should say, at Caden’s arm when he feels a wave of lingering pain wash over him.

A memory flashed in his head.

-----

He was pinned down, gasping feebly for oxygen as Prime stepped on his plastron, forcing him deeper into the earth inch by inch, he was talking, monologuing about something, how earth was doomed forever.

But Leo only heard ringing, vision clouded with black. Wanting to pass out.

-----

His eyes scanned over his body once more, noticing his wrapped-up torso, and he recoiled, like he could feel the fresh stabbing sensation going through his side all over again.

-----

“Fuck!” He screams, letting out a pained cry as he trembles in agony. Prime’s tentacle was sharp and currently impaling his side, the air in his lungs wheezing as he spat out blood.

Choking on the fluids that pooled in his mouth. He was then flung aside like an insect—like a pest and crashing into a rock that crumbled and fell down on him when it cracked from the impact of Leo’s shell.

-----

Leo gagged on air, a hand coming up to his mouth as he took in deep breaths. He had to remind himself that those were just memories. He was fine now… right?

His fight with Prime was hazy, but he remembered getting too cocky, which resulted in his near death experience, and maybe he would have genuinely died if it weren’t for his brothers finding him in time.

“Fucking Prime…” He hissed out, annoyed at his greatest enemy that constantly brought terror and destruction and death upon his city. Upon his people and home.

And it was all his fault.

He lost the key. He is the reason they invaded. The reason so many innocent civilians were killed and turned into monsters.

It was his fault that Cassandra died. His fault was that Casey was an orphan. His fault that Raph wears an eyepatch due to a fight with a Krang beast that impacted his vision. That he basically lost half of his vision.

It was his fault that Donnie had that scar on his face.

His fault that Mikey was exhausted on a daily basis from using too much of his mystic power.

His fault…

That his father was gone—

Leo flinched when he felt something wet drip down the borrowed cheek that belonged to Caden. He blinked and gently touched the wetness.

He was crying. Or at least had a tear drop roll down.

“Damn it…” Leo hisses, wiping at Caden’s eyes. As he gave a final look over his body. He’s seen enough now.

-----

Raph didn’t like jumping to conclusions, didn’t like it when he saw others working themselves to the point they could so easily collapse if a breeze blew over them. It worried him, but he didn’t like telling others about it, afraid that they’ll jump to conclusions and tell him he's overreacting.

But he especially didn’t like it when it came to his family and close friends doing such exhausting work by themselves.

He chose to keep it to himself at first, but after a few days he was truly beginning to question what was wrong. Caden had consistently been visiting the dojo over the span of a couple days now, most likely even staying in there all night. He would be caught training with the katana’s, sometimes Raph would even see the young mutant punching at the training bags, kicking the dummies that stood firmly in the centre.

Raph didn’t think much about it at the start, he thought it was great that Caden was training. But there had to be a limit… especially when he was seeing worrying signs of fatigue, and dark bruises forming on his legs and knuckles.

Should he do something? Maybe he wasn’t the best person to ask what was wrong. Donnie would definitely be no help, and April was busy with work.

Mikey on the other hand… well, he was known as the Resistance’s go to therapist for a reason. It was his specialty. And he enjoyed helping others.

It was just now a matter of getting Caden to listen to Mikey. Give him a moment to have a chat with the youngest brother. Raph decisively turns away from the dojo and heads towards the office that Mikey likes to use for his sessions.

He just hoped the latter didn’t have any appointments. He greeted people that strolled by him, smiling warmly as he stopped in front of the closed door. Carefully and cautiously he twists the handle open, peeking his head inside.

“Mikey?”

The box turtle perks up, tilting his head when he sees Raph. Mikey was meditating, floating in the air cross legged, his cape floating behind him as he shot him a gentle and steady smile.

“Hey, Raph! What brings you here?”

Raph smiles sheepishly, “I, um… require some help. About Leo.” He began, watching as Mikey seemed to grow more interested now as he steadily placed his feet on the ground, looking up at his largest brother.

“What’s wrong?”

“Something is off with him. He’s been in the dojo. Like… a whole lot. All night I think, sometimes. Beat up and bruised. He doesn’t say much, or even notice me. I know we want him to get better at using his swords again, but…” Raph pauses, letting out an exhale to gather his thoughts.

“It’s like he keeps training to prove himself for something.”

Mikey’s expression softened, and gave a small nod. “Sounds like someone is trying to fight something they can’t punch.” He mumbles, making Raph shrug his shoulders, “Yeah. Do you think you can check on him? I would, but I don’t think I'm the right guy for the job.”

Mikey beams, standing straight as he clears his throat and pats Raph on the arm, “You did the right thing coming to me. I’ll go check on him. I’ll be Dr. Feelings.” He assured, which only had Raph give a deadpan look at him.

“Just go easy on him.”

Nonetheless he felt more relieved that Mikey was going to take over, talk with their brother. “Not to worry. I’ll be nice!” He laughs softly, striding out of the room and down the hallway to the dojo. Raph watches, arms crossed, and shoulders tensed.

He really hopes Mikey can get through to Caden. 

Mikey heard the sounds of grunts and pants once he reached the dojo, walking in further and leaning against the doorframe as he witnessed Caden once again throw himself into another set of brutal combinations. His movements were precise, and the blades of the katanas glimmered as they sliced through the air as cleanly as Caden could wield them.

There was some control, an indication that he was getting better at it, but they were still frantic. Desperate. Unrefined.

Mikey recoiled for a second as Caden stumbled on the pivot of a spin, catching himself just in time before his knee hit the dojo mat. The mutant hissing under his breath, breathing heavily as he kept his gaze focused on the floor.

He shakes his head, straightening himself as much as he can and gets back into a sparring position with the katanas in his hands.

Mikey could see why Raph was concerned. Caden was clearly overworking himself, and that could be seriously damaging for him. So, Mikey clears his throat and walks over, using his mystic abilities to stop Caden from slashing into the air again, the latter blinking dumbfoundedly as he tries to move his arms but they aren't listening.

“What the…?”

“Sorry! I didn’t want you to accidentally cut me when I came closer.” Mikey announces, chuckling as he finally released his mysticism that was holding Caden who was able to control his arms again, glancing over to Mikey.

“Did you need something?” Caden’s voice is breathy and flat, sounding confused and slightly annoyed that his training was interrupted. Mikey frowns imperceptibly, “Raph told me that you’ve overworking yourself here. Maybe it’s time to take a break?” He suggests, his smile a little forced out of his own worries for Caden.

The red eared slider tilted his head before letting out a heavy breath, using his arm to wipe off the sweat that had collected on his forehead.

“I’m fine.”

Mikey was taken aback. That line he heard multiple times from Leo. It was almost nice to see that perhaps Leo was still in there somewhere, but Mikey of course knew that in this circumstance specifically, it wouldn’t be good.

Leo had a habit of exhausting himself and hiding behind a mask of confidence. Especially when he first became leader.

“How about we try something else today?” Mikey spoke up, placing a gentle hand on Caden’s shoulder to stop him from returning to his training. Caden eyed him, deep in thought as he turned to Leo who was standing beside him in the mindscape. Waiting to see if he had anything to say about this.

He and Leo have had a… strange tension going on between them ever since the day in the med bay. Leo remained as distant as he could, sharply informing Caden to either train or just do something to help improve himself.

And Caden… well, he was stubborn. Sometimes not even listening to whatever he's told to do, giving Leo the silent treatment just to spite him in return for everything he’s done with Caden’s body.

But then Caden couldn’t help but get bored quickly, training is the only thing he can think of actually doing while stuck in the base. “Leo?” Mikey calls out, snapping Caden back to the present as he eyed the brother of Leonardo while he thought.

Leo stood silently, arms crossed and just staring. As if asking Caden to make a decision. To stop now would feel like a failure, like giving in.

Caden’s jaw tightened and his grip on the sword hilts were firm as he mulled it over. Mikey was still watching, patient but not passive. The softness in his eyes narrowed with concern.

“What would we even do?” Caden finally asked, avoiding eye contact with Mikey who smiled a little wider, encouraging. “Well… I was thinking why don’t we do something that we used to do? Maybe braid my hair, it could help with your memories?” He offers, noticing the way Caden tenses as he hardens his gaze.

“Come on, it could be fun too. You're swinging those swords like you’re fighting a Krang. We’re in a dojo, not the battlefield.”

Caden frowns, not sure how to feel about that statement. Leo watched him, his expression stoic, making the young mutant shift slightly. Was he disappointed? Angry?

He exhales, shaking his head as he looks at Mikey. “Okay…” He finally agrees, putting the swords away in their holsters that were strapped to his shell.

Mikey sits down comfortably on the mat, patting the spot behind him as Caden hesitantly lowered to his knees and sat cross legged behind Mikey who untied his hair, letting it flow down.

It stopped just halfway down his shell, silky and dark brown. Caden eyed it in curiosity. How did a turtle even get hair in the first place? From what Caden noticed from the brothers, they didn’t have hair on them.

“You okay?” Mikey spoke up when he didn’t feel Caden move to start braiding, making the latter jump slightly as he hummed in acknowledgement. “Yeah…” He uttered, his fingers reaching up and smoothing out the hair.

He bites his lower lip, furrowing his invisible brows together. He had no idea how to braid. How did Mikey expect him to know this?

Nonetheless Caden tried, moving the hair in all kinds of directions. Mikey could tell Caden was anxious, it was sort of adorable the more he thought about it, but he couldn’t just sit by and let him stew in a pool of anxiousness.

“You know, there’s multiple rumours about you going around the base.”

“Huh?”

This finally caught Leo’s attention, who listened in, keeping his gaze rooted on his brother. “Heh, yeah. The new one lately is that people think Donnie experimented on you and gave you some kind of youth serum.”

Leo groans at this, second handedly embarrassed at these ridiculous rumours. Caden however found some amusement in Leo’s obvious dislike towards these.

“Oh yeah? What else is there?”

“Kid…” Leo growls, but is interrupted by Mikey who snorts. “They think Leo ran away because you’re his child and he didn’t want to pay child support.”

Caden snickers a little at this, while also cringing in on himself that people mistook him as a child of Leo, but at least it was far more entertaining to watch Leo squirm uncomfortably at these comments. Mikey’s grin widens when he hears Caden softly laugh.

Good. He wanted him to be comfortable around him. 

“Oh, hey, by the way I actually have a question… how come your training so hard lately? Not that it’s totally a bad thing!” Mikey inquired before he corrected himself, laughing sheepishly, “It’s just… you seem like you're pushing yourself a bit hard.”

Caden’s amusement was quickly replaced, pausing for a moment, as he couldn’t help but frown at the question, ignoring the way Leo observed him. He knew he was being judged, and how Leo was a constant reminder that he had to be careful on what to say to the youngest of the brothers.

“I just don’t want to fall behind…” He mutters, not even sure if it was meant for Mikey or Leo. “You guys… you’re all so good at what you do in the Resistance. At least from what I’m told. But me…?” He falters, clicking his tongue as he sees how tangled the hair got.

“I’m just some reject Draxum made.”

The comment came out before he could even think, both Leo and Mikey tensing up at this as Caden huffs out a short breath of frustration at the attempted braid.

“Leo—“

“Caden.”

Mikey nods, frowning at the correction, “Caden. You're not a reject. You’re just… different is all.” He smiles lightly but Caden scoffs, crossing his arms like a stubborn teenager. Mikey hums in amusement at the sight for a second before he gains a new topic to talk about.

“Say, you went to the med bay with Donnie a few days ago right? I hope it wasn’t off putting. Especially after I heard we had an infected scare.”

Caden froze, body still as a statue as he recalled that day. It was still fresh in his head, the way he saw those wounded people and yokai.

The way Leo took over for him.

How he cut off an arm.

How could he forget?

Since that traumatic moment, Leo never once asked if he was okay. The two barely spoke about it, and it began to make Caden question who the hell Leo is. How was he able to stay that calm?

Surely it was normal for others to freak out, right? But yet Leo was the exact opposite. Caden could understand that Leo must’ve amputated lots of limbs before, but it was still just—

Caden couldn’t quite figure out the words that were caught in his throat. And with Leo? He never did talk about his feelings. What he was thinking about.

The most Caden would get is a feeling. A brief memory or a slight change in his expressions and tone. 

Caden gulps, letting out a shaky breath he had been holding as he looks away to the side. He could tell Mikey what he experienced… but what if he was just being dramatic? What if this was nothing to lose sleep over?

What if he’s just weak?

The familiar but still foreign pull away from his body sent Caden back, stumbling away from the control panel as Leo stood in front, eyes glaring ahead as he hissed slightly in warning at Mikey.

He used Caden’s body again without telling him first. All to scold his baby brother. 

“I don’t need you to therapy me, Mikey.” He lowly grumbled, flexing Caden’s fingers out to try again with the braid. Leo knew he shouldn’t let Mikey’s word get under his skin, but he was sick of hearing it.

Mikey often told him to see someone. To talk to someone that could potentially help him. He told him Leo’s bad habits were only going to damage him.

The way he would overwork himself with training or with missions. Barely having a chance to rest. A chance to get some proper sleep.

It was like that in the early days of the Resistance as well. Leo’s habits ranged from sacrificing himself to getting in harm's way when he didn’t need to, because he thought it was his duty to protect everyone.

And then his other bad habit when he was pent up with stress was to hit the dojo, punching the bags until his knuckles bled. And if Raph caught him, Leo would do the next best thing. And that was to get as drunk as he could, find the closest person he could flirt with and take them to an empty room for the night.

But those days stopped when Leo reached 24. He had become more focused on his leadership skills, and because Prime would inch his territory closer to the Resistance every month.

Caden walks over, shoving Leo to the side so that he could gain back the control that was meant to be his. His hands were still and tangled in Mikey’s hair.

He blinked to adjust to the fact he was back in his body again, taking a steadying breath in. He had to concentrate on something else. 

“I didn’t say you did. But I’m just saying, you should talk to someone if you’re having trouble. It doesn’t have to be me. Just… someone.”

Leo’s voice suddenly echoed, low and sharp inside Caden’s mind.

“You’re wasting time. Let’s get back to training.”

Caden flinched at the sudden voice, and Mikey noticed, feeling the way Caden briefly tugged at his hair in surprise.

“Ow!”

Caden lets go, feeling guilty as he groans and places his hands over his head. “I can’t do it…! Can’t even braid damn hair.” He growls to himself, unaware how Mikey turns his body around fully to look at him.

“It’s okay… you just need practice.”

“I don't have time for practice!”

The two became quiet, Caden left short of breath at his abrupt shout. Mikey knew it wasn’t just the hair he was talking about. It was everything else. The sword training has been taking up most of his time lately.

Mikey wishes he was able to help in some way. Help him, guide him through the challenges he has been experiencing. He also wishes he could just see into his mind, look at what’s bothering him.

….

Wait. He can!

Mikey perked up in realization, gasping softly. “That’s it!” He announces suddenly, making the young mutant flinch back in puzzlement. “What is…?” He mumbles, suspiciously narrowing his eyelids at him.

“Ninja Mind Meld!”

Ninja what…?

Caden didn’t seem to understand, but he saw how Leo stiffened, his breathing sharp as he hisses under his breath. “Shit…” He curses, hand under his chin in thought.

“What’s wrong?”

Leo looks down at him, unsure how to even explain the problem. Mikey however saw his confused look, and cleared his throat. “It’s okay if you don’t remember. It’s basically where I enter your mind, and I guess communicate with you. Oh! Maybe I can transfer your soul back to your original body?” He mumbles, the last part of his words causing Caden to widen his eyes in shock.

Transfer… his soul?

While he didn’t mind the idea of Leo leaving him right now. He was scared… scared that what if Mikey messed up and accidentally grabbed his soul instead?

Pull him out of his own body and—and...!

“I don’t want to mind meld.” He quickly spoke, noticing the way Mikey tilts his head before he softly chuckles. “I promise it won’t hurt. We’ve mind melded tons of times together.” Mikey assures, inching closer to Caden, raising his hands up to prop them against Caden’s head.

Caden however felt the need to either fight or take flight. And so, he stumbled back, reflexively raising his arms to roughly slap Mikey’s hands away from his face, eyes narrowed, pupils shrinking out of fear and breathing ragged.

“I said no!” He exclaims, his voice briefly stung from the raw shout.

His vision blurred, black splotches forming the corners. Mikey watched with an open mouthed expression of shock, “L-Leo—“ He began to say, but flinched back when Caden let out an actual hiss. Like he was a wild, cornered animal.

Shaking his head soon after, he quickly pulled himself up to his feet.

He turned to the exit of the dojo, slipping on his feet for a second as he barreled his way towards the entrance. Running out as Mikey sat there, mouth agape in bewilderment.

He… he hadn’t seen that look on Leo before. Or at least not since they were teenagers, when the Krang first invaded.

With a bone weary sigh Mikey smoothed out the messy attempted braid from Caden. Frowning down at his lap. He had really hoped he was going to be able to get through to him.

But now he felt like he’d failed him, Leo and himself. He just wants his big brother back. Why was that so difficult to ask?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can see what Leo sees now with baby Caden—

APOLOGISE FOR ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES THAT WERE MADE, I TYPE PRETTY FAST AND OFTEN DON’T SEE THEM UNTIL I ACTUALLY PUBLISH THE CHAPTER. THEN I’D TRY AND FIX ANY MISTAKES WHEN I SEE ONE.

Quotev - Do I Look Like Him?

Ao3 - Do I Look Like Him?

First Chapter here

Previous Chapter here

Taglist:

@turtl3sk3tch3s

@katiemaycreate

[lizardho]

I also REALLY wanna emphasize that part of the reason our stories are so weird and funny and whatever is because babs and I were tenaciously curious about EVERYTHING and we got REALLY into what we liked. And we got really into storytelling because we love stories, because stories are part of our upbringing and our cowboy heritage, and because they make more sense than real life. And one day I made the mistake (I say this jokingly because it’s actually a really good memory now) of telling my dad that I wanted to learn to write my stories. My dad, who had worked 12-hour swing shifts at the E.R. for my entire life up to that point, felt sad that his job had limited his time with us, and he put his whole pussy into making me a writer. He spent two weeks spending every spare second of his day looking into how to be a better writer. And one day, two or three weeks after I had told him that, he comes to me and tells me that he’s going to support my dream of being an author. And he tasked me with writing a LOT of stuff. Any story I made up, any thought or opinion I had, he asked me to write it down and then he gave me feedback on it. The same thing, or something similar at least, happened to Babs, fwiw.

This is the source of many of my happiest, best memories with my parents, and this was also REALLY annoying as a kid. I’d wanna tell my dad about the story I just made up with my l’il lego guys or whatever and he’d be like “write it down and I’ll give you feedback on your story in 2-3 business days” and like, sometimes I just wanted to yap (Again, looking back on it I have good memories of writing for my dad). But the thing my dad had learned by studying this for us was that the way to get better at writing was to write a LOT, to get a LOT of feedback on our writing, and to be aware of the important elements of a story. Because of this, me and babs have become gifted writers. We wrote a lot, we got lots of feedback, we studied our favorite authors, we studied the tips and tricks of the people who mattered in our lives, and we can fucking WRITE now.

So when we verbalize the little things we did in our lives, part of why it’s fun and funny is because we’re genetic freaks, and we’re not normal, and that makes our lives unusual too. A lot of the shit we did didn’t come naturally which meant we had to make conscious decisions, which in turn are easier to remember.

Another part of why it’s fun is because our dad helped us become excellent writers, and that means we can express ourselves well in writing (in-person is a totally different experience). And it’s always nice to read stuff from people who can express themselves well.

And the last reason it’s fun to read our stuff is because we were raised by a loving nerd-cowboy and a loving feminist supermom, both of whom are neurodiverse in some way. This meant we were almost always safe to share our thoughts and feelings because our parents were genuinely curious about our inner lives and feelings, and they were able to understand how our inner worlds were different from other people’s. It also meant that we were very loved and appreciated, which meant there was always at least one point in our day and one place in our life where we could safely engage in deep self-reflection and analysis. This was helpful for us in being able to uncover the little stories in our lives and really let them sink in. A lot of why we’re good writers is practice and hard work, and also a lot of it is a privilege we received not out of merit (it’s not like we deserved great parents and other people deserved crappy parents, we just kinda ended up with good parents) but out of blind luck and love.

To make this all succinct, many of our stories come from us being able to fully live in our own lives. We didn’t go out of our way to seek excitement - we actually were pretty serious homebodies so we often went out of our way to avoid it. Instead, we found ways to find the magic in the small silly things that happen in life, and finding the magic in simple, mundane, every day stuff makes it easier to add magic into it on purpose too. And if you do that enough it takes you to some strange places. I know both @inbabylontheywept and I have made decisions or done or said things that were unnecessarily complicated or kinda “going out of our way” just because we knew it would make the story of our lives a bit more entertaining or magical. Recognizing that you are living in a story can help you find your own stories. Finding the things that matter to you can help you do this too. And finding your stories can, in turn, make your life as enchanting and silly and bewildering and crazy as our lives have been. It’s an active skill to develop. It requires a willingness to see yourself as a character at times. It requires practice and time. It requires a willingness to make things silly for the plot. And it requires some unspecified amount of autism. But it IS doable, and it can make life more interesting.

How is your life so interesting

Normally, I just kind of laugh this question off, but I've been asked enough times I'm gonna take an honest stab at it.

So, the first thing worth considering is whether the story itself is all that interesting, or whether I am just a good storyteller. My most popular story is about cutting a lot of worms and half, and crying, and then being comforted by my mom. That's not a terribly uncommon or hard to imagine event. A lot of my stories more about the telling than the substance.

There are also some stories that are weird, but they're weird in ways that I also find, like, relateably weird? It might just be that I knew a lot of athletes in college, but I don't think eating raw eggs is that weird. Eating 15 in one go is, but I was roommates with a guy that ate like, three for breakfast, three in his in-class protein shake, and another three at dinner. That guy was attending ASU on a gymnast scholarship, but also, he genuinely ate 5 dozen eggs a week. That seems much more normal than eating 15 in one day.

To say nothing of eating raw onion. Tons of people eat raw onions. It baffles the non-onion eaters, but it's a super common thing. Especially in Mexico.

Some of the stories happen because I am better at noticing story-worthy events than most people. I can't tell you how many times I've been in public, and seen someone do some weirdass thing, and then had to nudge my wife and to get her to watch it too.

If I had to point to the parts of my life that are truly, genuinely, bafflingly weird, they would be my dating stories, and. I dunno. My general thermonuclear dumbass event posts. And I can break down why those two are interesting pretty simply:

I was unbelievably bad at dating. The majority of the time, that just meant that there was a few minutes of stilted small talk and never get a call back. But the thing is, Mormon culture strongly encourages dating as like, a social-practice thing, and I was very motivated to get good at it, so I just kept trying and trying and I think I went on at least 200 first dates before meeting my wife. I genuinely believe that if anyone went on 200 first dates, they would get some pretty incredible bad date stories too. Especially if they had autism. I know I write well, and I can sound very charming here, but it took me a very, very long to get decent social skills. I am just a disturbingly persistent learner.

I am very convincing. This is helpful when I am interacting with other people, because it can do things like, convince them to let me into their secret facility, or convince them to not vote Republican again, or to save at least put the company match into their retirement accounts. But when I'm just debating something with myself, my convincingness works against me: I am very good at tricking myself into believing that bad ideas are, somehow, actually good. This is part of why I have so much sympathy for the right wing lunatics that I work with. Every time I meet a crazy person I go, ah, but for the grace of God, go I. Anyway, this does an unfortunate thing where my excellent verbal skills drive my poor decisions, which results in the very odd combination of welll written, articulate stories about someone being A Fucking Idiot. Like the condom bomber story. I think this is also why most of the lawyers that I meet are insane in their personal lives.

Anyway, those are my theories! I'm gonna tag @lizardho because we mostly had the same childhood, but she has a better grasp on what normal people look like than me, and perhaps she'll have her own theories on the weirdness of our lives.

[dick-meister]

I’m unhappy.

This is gonna be the last time I say something about this so I don’t sound like a broken record player but this is gonna have all my thoughts I’ve been having recently about Adam, this fandom and so on.

First, I want it to be known that everything said here doesn’t apply to everyone and that a lot of this is built up frustration that’s reached a point where I cannot stay silent anymore. This stuff is supposed to be fun, I shouldn’t care so much and yet here I am.

I love writing Adam. I’ve always loved it and I still do now but I’m upset with how he’s treated and some of that blame falls to me, I understand that. I don’t like pushing boundaries, I don’t like making people uncomfortable and I try to remain realistic and balanced to everything that I do when it comes to RP. And maybe it’s because of that approach I’m in this position because I feel that many abuse that and see my character/characters as something to use in order to bolster the superiority of their own muses.

It’s the worst when it comes to Adam. I feel like most interactions boil down to making him or both muses miserable or antagonistic prodding between muses that go no where. I feel like I’m at a point where if Adam even breathes he’ll be ridiculed or scoffed at. He can’t tell a harmless joke without it being taken offensively, he can’t make any kind of comment about anyone at all ever because once again, it’d be scrutinized and go beyond banter.

If I allow him to get angry and lash out, he’s in the wrong. If I don’t let him get angry and lash out he’s in the wrong. No matter what he does, he’s in the wrong and the people I had to talk to about these things and relate to that no longer relate or don’t talk about it and that sucks. So it just feels suffocating and like a constant air of doom at all times no matter what interaction I have. Like a ticking time bomb that at any point, even if it’s a nice thread, it’ll go to the wayside.

It’s hard to come on here and feel like I’m walking on a thin line or that I need to be the one to change the direction a thread is headed or put in the effort to keep a thread from dropping because how many times do you think I’m willing to do a thread that goes

Adam: *Makes comment*

Someone: *You’re awful and you should feel bad.*

Adam: *Cool*

End interaction.

Like. This isn’t fun and makes me feel secluded to the point where I cannot muster the strength to send asks to people who I know like my muse let alone people who are new/have a certain negative dynamic.

I put so much time and effort to make a muse that could be agreeable, that could make you question moralities and junk like that but it feels like more and more each day people are here to just get a one up on Adam and that’s it. Im tired.

Im sad that when there’s like a mini thing going on with Adam that requires help from outside support, he’s let down by those who can help but choose not to (This is based off IC interactions by people who were participating not those who didn’t see/didn’t want to participate.) it was to the point where people who didn’t meet certain criteria to help considered making new muses to help which is nice and I fully appreciate it so much but the fact that it needed to get to that point in the first place is just… Sad. Idk how to properly explain it.

Unholy Crusade took a massive toll on me as an Adam RPer, it took a toll on a lot of people but it messed me up and I think that’s where a lot of this stems from. Starting that with a poly only to end up abandoned by said poly and having to deal with feeling excluded, neglected and abandoned really messed up my feelings with the verse. I love it, I love the conclusions people had but the road to get there was such a painful journey that is not recoverable and has had rippling effects throughout how my muse treats relationships, group verses and more.

I don’t really have much more to say other than small knit picking things. I’m just exhausted playing a character that is just doomed either by his own actions or actions done by others for the sake of self gratification.

Im sorry to anyone if I forced my muse onto you where he wasn’t welcomed. Im sorry if our RPing experience has made you feel uncomfortable/upset/hurt or any other negatives. It’s not my goal, I’d hate to do to someone else what I feel is being done to me.

Going forward, I’m gonna still be RPing off and on with verses I’m comfortable with and muses I’m comfortable interacting with. I’m gonna be aiming to staying away from dash comms and all that. I won’t be taking a break or announcing a hiatus or anything because I still want to interact but I just needed to vent. I needed to get this out. Even if this is all just a byproduct of my own doing or depression or anything else. This is where my head is at, this is how I feel, I don’t want anyone to change their character for me, I don’t want anyone to do anything special for me I just want people to be conscious of how much shit they’re throwing my way or anyone’s way.

It’s one thing to want and love angst all the time but it’s another to do angst and have 0 recovery through it or expect only angst out of the other person.

I know this is all a mess of paragraphs and feelings but it’s the best I can really do right now. If you made it this far, thank you, I appreciate you reading my words and I hope you have a good day.

[natsuslover]

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆࣪ ִֶָ☾. eren bf headcanons

notes— i was rereading the 7 mins frat boy eren fanfic so YK i had to write some headcanons for my fav (i miss him like a mf every single day oh my shaylaaa). also the way ive never written for aot before is insane bc i love it sm

ft. eren yeager (jaeger?)

warnings: mild cursing idk, just wholesome fluff very sfw

first of all bro thinks he’s all nonchalant and mysterious or wtv but he’s such a softie (for u teehee)

like he’ll act like he doesn’t gaf but absolutely has ur coffee order memorized after one date

yk “just in case”

the kind of guy to be like “whatever” and then have a whole spotify playlist for u

doesn’t say “i love you” but def says shit like “don’t do anything dumb while i’m not here” and expects u to decipher it

and then gets pissed off when u don’t like tf

love language is PHYSICAL TOUCHHH

cannot stress this enough hb LOVES being physically close to u

bc he’s obv not that great at expressing his affection through words (emotionally immature dumbass)

constant back of the neck kisses when ur talking to other ppl

or hugs from behind

like “yeah this one’s mine”

always always casually has his hand somewhere on u

on ur thigh when ur sitting or ur lower back when ur walking through a crowd

also he sleeps like a cat on top of u omfg

like cuddling into the crook of ur neck and everything

and he refuses to get off bro does not care if u can’t breathe lmao

but if u somehow manage to detach him from ur body he makes sure his leg is touching urs at least

literally can’t fall asleep otherwise

he pretends he doesn’t get jealous but he’s actually just in denial

“i’m not jealous, i just think that dudes a clown”

def reposts and says random cryptic shit on instagram stories w a black screen

like “loyalty isn’t hard if u actually care”

thinks he eats it up every time too like he’s 100% thinking “oh yeah my girl gonna love this one” 💀

will pick u up from class with zero notice if he senses even a whisper of competition

can’t text for shit bc man just ISN’T the greatest communicator yk

u either get no reply for 17 hours and then a whole ass essay about his day

or a little “wya” at 2 am with no context and no punctuation (maybe a red heart too if he’s feeling cute)

screenshots every single meme he gets that he thinks u would like but doesn’t send them until like 2 weeks later when he’s feeling soft

like the way he’s normal one week and then a complete utter soft lover boy the next you’d think he’s ovulating

weirdly sentimental but pretends he’s just a chill guy

keeps ur hair tie on his wrist like it’s a war trophy

in fact he might have multiple just in case u ever need one

his lockscreen is fs gonna be some shitty ass picture of u that he refuses to change

like prob some blurry pic of u flipping him off or sum and he thinks it’s adorable

found an old hoodie of yours once and wore it for a week straight bc it smelled like u

and he pretended he didn’t notice

he’s SUCH a hothead it’s insane

will without a doubt square up for u in a parking lot if someone makes u even the slightest bit uncomfy

terrible at arguments bc he ends up getting flustered every time and says dumb shit like “well maybe i do care ok stfu!”

but softens immediately if u cry bc he doesn’t know how to handle it and feels guilty asf

“okok im sorry come here don’t cry ur gonna make me panic”

a fantastic hugger tho

he’s ur ride or die period

literally will go to the ends of the earth for u and u don’t even have to ask

would fight a god for u no hesitation

will eradicate 80% of humanity for u even

doesn’t trust easily but once ur in ur his person for life

says stuff like “ur all i’ve got so please don’t leave” when he’s feeling especially vulnerable

mostly during those deep 3 am talks or post breakdown cuddles

he loves u fully

struggles expressing it in words but the actions explain themselves

once ur his ur really HIS bros never leaving u alone

[centrally-unplanned]

As part of my current quest to get out of my recent "hobby" nadir of low motivation, I am watching The Animes more - one prong of multiple I assure you, isn't a full weeb project. That includes the seasonals, so I watched the first two episodes of Gundam GQuuuuuuX. Directed by Tsurumaki, of FLCL fame! With Anno advising and Yoji Enokido doing the scripts! With character designs by take of Pokemon legend! I was definitely optimistic for this one.

But man, were those first two episodes rough for someone who isn't particularly a Gundam fan...

The first episode was "fine" - the character designs are, of course, amazing, take doesn't miss:

This is one of my "language of anime" moments, where like from the outside "hey let's make the characters 20% blobbier and also add highlights to their eyes that match their hair tones" is such a minor change, but once you are someone who follows ~2000 anime artists seeing designs that stand out in these little ways from anything else around is super cool (at least when they first debuted in Pokemon and spawned imitators, ofc). Having characters with the level of pop in their color pallete as Machu, or the sallow, dark-toned frigidness of Nyaan, in what is technically a war mecha show, feels like a fresh identity. I really liked the rooftop scene for their initial meeting (loved Machu tripping mid-speech, moe-cute moment), and these two are like walking opposed emojis, that too is yuri:

But everything else! That is a lot of jargon to throw at someone for a first episode? And it isn't meant to be technobabble I can just ignore, it is the plot. They obviously expect me to have seen the original Gundam, but that is a show from the 70's, lots of people haven't! You can do this more gracefully. And meanwhile, as runtime is eaten up by loredumps, Machu's character is just forced to become a fucking lunatic and instantly jump into a mecha to Fight The Police for ~reasons? I am sure we will learn reasons, but in the moment I was watching her bumbling from generic mobile suit to discovering the Special Gundam and all suspension of disbelief was blown - "yeah okay they need to get her into the famous mecha, I get it, you can skip this part". It was just very awkward.

Obviously none of this is helped by the fact that modern gundam has just committed to the idea of their mecha being fully-3D objects that pristinely bounce around space with no sense of momentum, feeling, or visual drama to them, so all the fight scenes are pretty bland.

Still, okay, rough first episode, but that happens - maybe episode 2 will flesh out the two main characters a bit now that the premise is out of the way?

Well that is a little hard to do when they do not appear on-screen because episode 2 is a fucking flashback alt history remake of the original gundam show!! It is just Char Anzable being his gay war criminal self for ~20 minutes. I had no clue what was happening, I authentically thought I was watching the wrong show.

They didn't even let us see if his eyes have a Pokemon Trainer hue shift, the complete cowards.

I am obviously not gonna hate too hard on the Huge Otaku at Khara being huge otaku about this and expecting you to have seen the original Gundam - but this is something you do in like episode 8. I did not need to know any of this alt history stuff yet, and I certainly don't care. I don't even remember the main character's names yet! I had to google them for this!

In any other context that level of one-two punch would make me drop this show, but in the end this is Tsurumaki, this is Khara, every anime junkie I know is talking about it - I probably will give it at least ~2 more episodes. I do respect that the fundamentals of character, animation, and directing are there. If they stop being fucking dorks for five seconds this show could be good, so I am hoping they do that.

[anthromimicry]

[writhe]

i want to be more open to anything and everything and i’m scared

[teenagefeeling]

ok tangentially related: everyone saying "i never look up the authors of the books i read" is wilddddd to me. seriously? you just randomly pick up books and absorb whatever is between the pages with 0 context and do no further investigation? you don't care what nationality or gender or age an author is????? do you also not care when or where a book was published like how far does this go

it's not even hard to find, like flip to the back for an author bio and the copyright page for a whole bunch of other useful info..... do people not even look at the copyright page???!?

[goldenpinof]

.

[seraphidae]

light emeto warning

[arionaleilani]

hello hey howdy hi. i'm sorting through my projects from the past few years and establishing where i'm at with them and what next steps for them are. i'm scheduling hours to write more consistently (creating "shifts" for me to clock in/out for, essentially) because i know how my brain works and i know approaching it as an actual job of sorts with stricter hours is what i need, at least right now, to kickstart my brain into being productive again. this will likely change once i'm back in the groove of things and finding balance again, but this is what my head needs for now, so it's what i'm gonna do.

once i've sorted through everything, reorganized it and have a game plan crafted, i will recreate my writeblr intro post and start making new wip posts for the projects that i decide to work on finishing first. so that'll be cool! i miss being more active in my writing and posting about it like i was in 2023. last year slowed me down and the start of 2025 has been kicking my ass, but hey, i turn 25 on the 15th and i've been saying i want to be published before i turn 26, so i'm gonna work on that and make some god damn progress on shit.

[the-kipsabian]

hey. immortal fears

on the sideblog

on ao3

[ocdhuacheng]

I have… lots of thoughts on milsiril and kabru and the commentary on mixed-race family/adoption, in particular white parents with children of color. I think it’s really cool kui incorporated this into the story because lots of (particularly white) people just think adoption is this pure altruistic thing and don’t think about the negative affects it has on kids (again, kids of color) to not have people of their own culture to grow up with.

[jackass-jones]

The anguish I feel knowing no story is ever gonna have characters as good as the letter 😔