#and it’s ok to ask for and let myself make accommodations for them.

[quierd-kitten]

Guess who used to do fun party tricks with their fingers and now all of my hobbies hurt

[hyunebunx]

saw the soft thoughts post and i hope i’m not late >.< please forgive my typos or grammatical errors love i just woke up 🥹

soooo imagine a lazy saturday morning with hyunjin where you both just wanted to sleep in and cuddle on your shared bet until late in the morning. apparently you had to force yourself to get up because you were getting hungry and hyunjin—being a clingy boyfriend—is sticking to you like glue, and be like “noooooo don’t go!!!” because he doesn’t want to get out of bed but you had to drag him up. he became a pouty baby while being clingyyyy maybe a backhug when you were cooking, a stolen kiss when you were about to eat, helping you wash the dishes but he put some soap bubbles on the tip of your nose, asked you to go out and the spend the rest of the day with him outside maybe stroll around the city, an art museum date, go to a café and watch him sketch/paint you~

ughh to be loved by an artist bro i’m still half asleep so i hope i’m making sense... anyway have a good one deni ! 😽🩷

﹙ʚɞ˚﹚. genre: fluff and a loooot of kissing, you've been warned lol

﹙ʚɞ˚﹚. a/n: my love <3 this is the cutest idea ever!! thank you so so much for trusting me to write it hehe <3 listen, this got quite steamy in the middle, idk what happened i blacked out fgsdgkj can't help myself when it comes to this man apparently. anywayss, hope you'll enjoy it <333

Mornings spent sleeping in with the love of your life, all cuddle up and intertwined, were truly your absolute favorite, a blessing you didn’t take for granted. You were both busy people, with busy lives that accommodated one another like it was the most natural thing in the world, fitting together like the last two pieces needed to complete the puzzle which revealed your love story.

Hyunjin was a heavy sleeper, clinging to every thread, no matter how thin, that transported him to dreamland to rest a little more. Just five more minutes, that turned into ten, fifteen, which ended up stretching into half an hour on good days. On the bad ones, when he was more tired than usual, nothing could get Hyunjin out of bed before the afternoon rolled around. You understood – he needed his rest – but it didn’t make missing him and his bright smile any easier.

You never knew you could miss someone even while they were dozing off next to you, blissfully unaware of how your heart almost jumped out of your chest to slip under his shirt just to feel his beating, desperately searching for confirmation he felt the same. And he did, of course he did, how could he not when your name and sweet face were constantly spinning around in his mind like some sort of live wallpaper, making him unable to concentrate even on simple tasks?

Though right now, neither of you was sleeping, cuddling to Hyunjin’s chest with one leg over his lap as you caught him up on the latest work gossip. You’ve been awake for almost two hours now and for once, the universe seemed to be on your side as no sunray managed to peek through the small crack left in the curtains, allowing you to continue lying around in peace.

“Anyway, so the printer caught on fire and that was Kim’s last straw. She threw all the papers on the floor and then proceeded to plop down on them and cry. I felt so bad.”

Despite his empathetic nature, Hyunjin lets out a short laugh, voice still husky and laced with sleep as his fingers tangled in your hair. “How did she even manage to do that?”

“It wasn’t her fault.” You yawn, hiding your face in his chest briefly. “Jay used the printer last to scan pictures of his cat’s toe beans and I guess some fur got stuck in there and ruined everything.”

He slowly shakes his head, whistling. “See, that’s why I’m a dog person.”

Prompting your chin on his chest, you look at him with raised eyebrows. “Ok Mr. meows at cats because he wants to get into their good graces.”

“That was one time!”

You giggle and he joins soon after, staring deeply into your eyes until the laughter dies down and every thought leaves your mind like it wasn’t even there to begin with. Dark eyes dart between yours and your lips, subconsciously licking his plush bottom one and telling you exactly where his train of thought has stopped. Patience was not one of Hyunjin’s virtues, so the hand in your hair moves lower to cup the back of your neck, bringing you closer as you quickly adjust, both hands sprawling on his chest to help you lean down and finally connect your lips.

The kiss is slow, lips merging perfectly as neither of you is in any rush, content to take the time to taste each other. However, it quickly gets messy, tongues meeting and complicating the familiar dance, making it hot and breathy but oh so delicious. You’d be lying if you didn’t admit you’ve been waiting for this ever since he woke up, constantly thinking about his rosy lips and driving yourself crazy as whatever he was saying faded in and out of hazy memory.

Hyunjin kissed you like no other, like kissing was an art he invented just to practice on you. One he managed to master throughout the years of your relationship but couldn’t get enough of, obsessed with the idea of improving and finding another unexplored corner he could take over and claim as his own.

A cold hand slides easily under your top, gripping at your waist in an effort to bring you closer, almost causing your arms to give out. You break away from the kiss and Hyunjin whines, displeased but still helps you settle on top of him more comfortably, guiding your body as you straddle his hips.

This new position allows for better access to what you’re both desiring, with Hyunjin wasting no more time in bringing you back down again, capturing your lips. With both hands on exposed thighs, the shirt he gave you to sleep in barely covering anything, Hyunjin loses himself in the taste of you, licking into your mouth and lightly biting on your bottom lip as your hands move lower over his stomach, needing to discard him of the annoying clothing.

You make to pull away but his lips follow, causing him to sit up and move one of his hands on the small of your back for support, not allowing you to slip away from him. With a mind of their own, your hands quickly abandon his shirt and move around his shoulders, meeting at his nape to deepen the kiss and lick at his bottom lip which he appreciates by the groan he lets out.

You feel him everywhere, hands groping and squeezing every bit of your body in the exact way he knew you loved, turning you to putty into his hold. By now, his dark hair is a mess from all the pulling – your fingers needed something to anchor onto.

“Hyun.” You inhale deeply, his lips moving down your jaw, restless.

“Yeah, baby?” He mumbles, barely hearing you.

“Breakfast.” You gasp out as he lightly bites the skin, quick to soothe it with his tongue. “I’m hungry.” Mostly true, you’ve been lying here for hours after all, who wouldn’t be hungry? But also because you knew if you didn’t stop him now, neither of you would get to eat anything before dinner time rolls around.

Hyunjin pauses, hot breath fanning your neck as he slowly tilts his head to look at you, his wet and swollen lips distracting. He’s speechless for a moment, almost like he can’t believe you interrupted him, like a child whose favorite toy is abruptly taken away. When it clicks in his head you are actually serious, Hyunjin barely registers the way you peck his lips as he rolls his eyes.

“Wow, ok connoisseur of romance. What a way to ruin the moment.”

You giggle as he gently lays you down on your back, knowing he could never be truly upset, no matter what kind of stunt you pull. He was most likely thankful you said something, surely hungry himself.

Scooting towards the end of the bed, your feet barely get to touch the hardwood floor before Hyunjin’s arms circle your middle once again, pulling you to his warm chest without a word.

“No, don’t go!” He whines, burring his head in your shoulder in protest.

Your heart squeezes in your chest, pounding from all the love you carried for your other half, the man you couldn’t imagine life without.

“Baby.” You coo, softly running your fingers over his hands on your stomach in a way to coax him. “How am I supposed to cook us breakfast otherwise?”

Hyunjin sighs, squeezing you to his chest for two more heartbeats before releasing his hold and allowing you to stand up. When you turn to face him, one of his big hands has already brought yours to his lips to plant a feather like kiss on your knuckles.

“Don’t go without me.” He mumbles, pouting slightly, and you almost explode like a piñata, staining him with your love and adoration that will surely trap him in this apartment for days trying to get it out. Not like he’d ever mind if that were possible, proudly showing off and talking about your feelings for him to anyone who’d listen, right after talking their ear off about the love he holds for you.

So, that morning, you waddle together to the kitchen like two penguins with Hyunjin refusing to stop hugging you from behind even when you started cooking. And after that, spoon feeding you on the counter and forgetting all about his needs until you threatened to take away his cuddles.

He caved in immediately.

[ghostieyanyan]

Is it ok if I can ask for a yandere Rollo Flamme? I like the idea of Rollo because he’s already based off a yandere villain so it makes sense. And I think Rolli would like to get close to Yuu cuz they don’t have any magic so they’re seen as ‘pure’ in Rollo’s eyes. Maybe Rollo can be seen trying hard to control his urges at the fireplace or he captured MC and tried to burn them at the stake like in the movie? Your choice.

hehehe... why not just add salt to injure? what if mc has pyrophobia, a fear of fire?

~Let the fire purify you~

Yan!Rollo x Pyrophobia!Mc

Warnings: Fire, burning, kidnapping, anxiety attack, chains, gag, breakdown,

~~~

Rollo hated magic... with a passion. A passion that burned so bright that hurricanes, rainstorms, floods, and tsunami together couldn't extinguish this flame of pure hatred.

How does no one sees the danger of magic? How many lives have to be taken in the hand of magic for people to understand this is a problem? He guesses that its one of humanities sin, playing dumb, playing ignorant, until it becomes someone they care about that gets hurt. its always like that... why could people just see things through his lenses BEFORE someone got hurt...

But for now, he just has to do gods work for everyone else, until they see things his ways...

He had a plan. a plan that will solve this problem before it could get worst. The plan to get rid of magic, from one of the most powerful mages in twisted wonderland, to the student "prodigies" of that sick, sinful school, to the townsfolks of Fleur city, to every inch of Twisted wonderland.

With this crazy plan, he'll make, no, he'll force everyone to see how he sees life should be. he didnt care on who got hurt-

until-

he met Night Raven College's gem in the rock, their Perfect. When all the students were introducing themselves, when it was your turn. He swore the world stopped and he would have swore on his life that he saw wings and a halo on you. You looked, spoke, and acted like an angel. you even allow these sinful... beasts... breathe the same air as you. then you have an ACTUAL beast as a familiar. don't tell grim that.

your heart and soul must be made out of pure gold. he has to protect it at all cost. he will use his own body to shield you from magical blast and then some to keep your purity in tact. he will move mountains and redivert lakes, rivers, seas, and oceans for you. Rollo Flamme will make you into his deity that he worships.

~

All the students decided to split into groups and explore Fleur City, after they got changed.

to say Rollo thought you looked breathe taking in your glorious masquerade outfit was an understatement. he was about to come up to you and compliment you, maybe even starting small talk with you but a certain lizard decided to be the first to do so...

Of course that monster would be charmed by an angel like you. Evil loves to tempt with good.

no matter, he'll just have to see you another time but if he gets too busy..? He'll make time for you.

~

Rollo lead you into his office, you didn't mind too much because he was telling you all about the school's history and art. it is a really pretty school, it gives very romantic feelings.

when you finally made it into his office, you froze at the doorway at seeing the fire place. Rollo quickly notices and puts out the flame with a very helpful near by bucket. You were grateful that Rollo was very accommodating to your fears.

you thanked him and sat down across from him while Rollo sat in his chair.

"I'm very sorry for asking you to meet me at this ungodly hour but i just needed your input on something and if i didn't ask you, i would have had a sleepless night tossing and turning." Rollo said as he got everything on his desk organized.

"hehe, its alright. I just happen to have a restless night myself.. but i don't mind the company."

"oh my that sounds awful. what seems to be troubling you?"

"w-well.."

It was really hard to tell someone you only just recently met that you had a "bad feeling" about something and how so far, in twisted wonderland, its always comes true...

"well.. i think... maybe, its just the 'sleeping at a new place' feeling and I'm just not getting use to it. but I'm sure its fine. heh.."

"hmm.."

Rollo seemed satisfied with that answer and continues, by leaning towards you on the desk.

"i know i asked you about this before, but id like to discuss it with you more in depth... hmm?"

since Rollo put out the fire place, there was only a small lamp on the desk to shine light in the room. you kind of wished that the fire place was still lit... cause everything in this scenario was telling you to run and never look back..

"o-okay..? what would you like to know..?"

Rollo smiled and leaned back into his chair.

"as a magicless student in a full school of magical.. mages, aren't you scared they might... turn and hurt you..?"

the way he worded that made you feel more unnerved.. you trusted your friends in Night Raven College. Even the ones that did try to hurt you, they still came to your defense and help and protected you when you needed them.. you trusted them with your life and having this man tell you "you shouldn't because they can use magic" was... laughable...

"no.. because they've earn my trust and I've earn theirs..!"

"Earned..?"

Rollo's face darkened as you stood up from the chair you were sitting in.

"I'm sorry Rollo. Thank you for your hospitality but i have to go."

you start walking to the door but stopped.

"with however you feel about magic, i wont sit down and let you disrespect them just because they possess a special ability and i don't. It doesn't make them less of a person. Magic or no magic."

you walked to the door but before you could even touch the doorknob, you feel a body press against your back, pinning you against the door. you couldn't even move, much less move the door.

"I'm sorry my sweet angel~... i guess.. I'll just have to show you myself then~"

you see a quick purple blur and then tightness around your throat. Rollo was using his signature purple and gold handkerchief to strangle you! you tried to struggle. you tired to jab your elbow into his chest but his uniform was too thick for it to do any good.

You started to feel light headed then everything you saw was slowly turning black. the last thing you saw was Rollo, and the insanity in his eyes.

~

you had so many questions...

why you? was it because you don't have magic so you were "easy"? aren't there other people in twisted wonderland without magic? you just happened to go to a school "for" magic users so of course you'll see it a lot.

what's so bad about magic? ya it almost killed you here and there but it also almost killed either the user or other people around you.. but afterwards everything would have been fine. Plus you didn't blame the magic for those situations. you couldn't even say you blamed the user. some deserved the blame.. but not everyone..

how did you get here..? probably from your big mouth, you should have been smart when you were talking to Rollo. he was already giving you weird vibes and you just had to make it worst

you had more questions but you knew none of them would get answered..

you started to slowly open your eyes..

where are you..? what's this sound..? why cant you move..?

you slowly looked around, you remember this place... Rollo showed you, with your friends. the big bell, the bell of Solace. you noticed that you were alone though..

you looked around some more, you looked out from where you sat on the floor. it was dark out but with an orange hue... was the sun rising..? what's going on?

you went to take a step, to look out but something stopped you. a cold hand..? no..? a chain?!

if you weren't fully awake then, now you are! the chain was short, at least 2 feet long from the floor, it was attached to both your ankles. you could only go so far out.

what happened?! what's going on?!?

you started breathing heavily, tears started to form. you felt so confused, so lost. someone, anyone, please hel-

"oh my dear! you're awake."

your blood became ice, you looked up to see an uncomfortably happy Rollo.. he had a basket of breads and fruits.

"i was so worried that you'll never wake up. I'm very happy you did~"

with a heavy chest, you spoke.

"what's going on, Rollo!? Why are we here? why am i-?"

"oh within time my dear angel~ we just have to wait for those flowers to do their miracles. in the meantime, eat. you've been sleeping for a while and-"

"flowers..? what are you-...? Rollo...."

you took a deep breathe to try to settle your nerves.

"Please, Rollo... I'm scared. please tell me what's going on."

he looks at you and sighed, placing the basket down on a near by table. He then walked over to you and sat beside you, motioning you to come closer to him.

You did. you don't really have a choice right now..

"I'm making our perfect little world my love~ our paradise~"

you looked at the man like he was crazy. he was, at this point. But he continues.

"the Crimson flowers, the one that looks like fire, the flowers i shown you when you toured the city, they have the ability to take a mage's magic until they are just magicless people.. like you."

you stared at him but he kept smiling.

"magicless.. like me..?"

"yes my dear, then everyone in this world would have to understand magic is like a poisonous weed that has to be pulled out. or it'll spread to the other crops."

you just stared. you couldn't bare to keep looking at him so you turned to look at anything else..

magicless like you... no.. this isn't right. this cant happened!

Rollo thought the conversation was over and sat up to get the basket.

"Before this started, i made sure to get some food. i thought you'll be hungry so-"

"...mon...ster..."

Rollo froze. he was facing the backet and didn't turn around.

"excuse me..?"

you stood up, leaning against the wall, as best as you could. You knew your big mouth was gonna put you in a tough situation again but- what were you suppose to do?

"you, Rollo Flamme, are a monster."

he slowly turned to you, his eyes screamed murder. even if your body is shaking, from fear, from anxiety, from anger, maybe all of them at once's, but you kept your eye contact with Rollo.

You knew a comment like that will hurt him. you knew you couldn't physically harm him but you just wanted to hurt him like he planned to do the same to everyone you cared for..

the silence was deafening.

Rollo took some slow steps to you and leaned down to your level.

"take. that. back."

"no. cause i didn't say anything wrong.."

you hear Rollo take a deep breath and he quickly snaked his hand to grab the nape of your neck. you let out a gasp, from the sudden movement. he straighten his posture and brought you to his eye level.

"it's seems that those... mages.. have filled you with their poison. I'll just have to purify you myself. don't say i didn't warn you, my angel.."

he dragged you to a window and made you look outside. the entire city was filled with those flowers but... the looks of those flowers... made it look like you were in the middle of a raging firestorm. you felt your stomach drop. you felt cold shivers, and you didn't even realized that tears were falling. when you looked more, you noticed that the "fire" was slowly climbing the tower you were in.

you were about to let out a blood curdling scream but you were stopped by Rollo tying that purple handkerchief into a makeshift gag for you.

After that, he threw you, face down into the ground. Your body was shivering from fear so intensely, to the point that it feels like you lost complete control over your body. you couldn't even fight back when Rollo tied your hands together.

"i, really, am sorry for this my sweet angel~ but i have to get rid of the poison that those mages put in you... you have to be purified."

Rollo walked off and came back holding a fireplace poker. it was glowing red and you could see smoke coming off of it. where he got that, you didn't know but your attempt to get away from him was met with a wall against your back.

you felt your head spin, you were trembling to no return, the hot tears wouldn't stop, and the makeshift gag he put on you was now soak with tears, saliva, and snot.

Rollo kept walking towards you, in an agonizing slow pace.

"don't worry, my angel love~ after this, all will be forgiven~"

when he went to grab your face, he-

"MC!!"

those are.. familiar voices.. you know those voices..

"tch.. i suppose your punishment will have to wait my love. apparently, ill have to finish these pesky mages off myself."

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

HI ITS ME gvxzggsgjfh ok look this is. i know this is a weird one it is SO specific and so obviously something i should just write myself if i want it👏but👏but👏BUT i decided to shoot my shot when a perfect chance has arisenderised for you to pick and choose from anything you like AND in any form, and to see if this one maybe by any chance just so happens to spark anything fun in u too xD

ssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooo RANDOM EVENT ROLL D20 mc gets bitten by a werewoof or some other kind of "contagious" monster species (....cant really think of anything else other than vampirs, now that i say it) but WAIT THERES MORE because. what if mc insisted that they dont want any potential existent cures, they just wanna stay monstery >:3 JVDTHGLN who's considering it, who would absolutely go in the "its either me or this" direction, who's enthusiastic🤣 this is silly as hell but in the case it sparks joy id love to hear ur any and all thoughts because this idea has been haunting me for forever lmao honestly the best way ive imagined it is like one of your own selfinsert pieces youve posted before where its just all of them together bickering heeheehee💘💕🩷💞💖

love u have fun!!

The Arcana Drabble: MC transforms into a "monster"

In the spirit of things, I though a long drabble/short oneshot would work best to keep the madness going XD

Asra's getting stuck in their "one focus and one focus only" mode and right now that focus is making sure you're okay. He'll decide how he feels later, which isn't being helped at all because Julian keeps calling on him to help him slow down the process and get you to think about this a little more. However, it's hard to tell what exactly Julian wants your decision to be because in between him trying to get Asra to make you think about it some more, he's having all kinds of medical epiphanies about how your anatomy is adjusting to the new monster form:

"MC, let's think about some more, shall we? I'm sure Asra agrees with me - don't you, Asra? Asr - oh, whats this?! Your finger's joints are rapidly adjusting to accommodate for - I need a pen and paper -"

"Right here, Ilya." It's Portia's dismissive tone as she digs a small notebook and pencil out of her pocket that keeps you grounded. Not for long, though, because she can't wait to see what happens next. "Accommodate for what, anyways? Are you growing another joint?? Are you going to get claws??? Talons???? Show me!"

Between Julian jotting down unintelligible notes while he studies your elbow's range of motion, Portia's excited exclamations, and Asra's attempt at soothing touch as they rub your shoulders and ask how you're feeling, it's a miracle you can notice Muriel's quiet mumble in the background. He's clearly overwhelmed and very concerned that the physically-altering substance in general got to your brain first, making you so seemingly okay with turning into a monster.

"MC, do you remember your name? Do you need to take a nap? You don't have to be okay with this -"

"I believe this may warrant far more than a nap to recover from." Nadia's doing her best to keep Lucio calm, holding him back from tackling you much like she might grasp a leash. You can practically see the headache building behind her eyes. "We have yet to determine what the extent of this transformation is and therefore whether our dear MC is even capable of fully agreeing to the current process. MC, darling, did the source of this transformation give you any indication of what the end result would be?"

You'd try to respond, but Lucio's excited yelling is too noisy to shout over. He's fumbling at the fastenings on his cape, distracted by your ongoing changes, and very annoyed at Nadia's interference.

"Where did it go? I want to see if it can give me powers too - OW! Dammit, Noddy, I'm trying to help here! You're keeping me from finding the monster and getting it to give me cool - I mean, getting it to tell us more about what's happening! Don't you want that? Don't you want to help MC, Noddy?! Let me go -"

It's with a loud RIP and subsequent "that was velvet, you know!" that Lucio finally breaks free and sprints off in the direction of your new monster friend. You can feel yourself slowly settling in to your new form as the process shows signs of slowing and reaching completion.

Nadia's facepalming. Portia's looking at you with eyes shining in wonder. Julian's still trying to nag Asra into reversing this as he takes notes. The magician in question is still ignoring him as they ask you how you feel for the nth time. Muriel's eyeing the nearby closet in hopes of taking a nap and waking up to it all being a dream. Lucio's a distant, spiky golden speck at this point.

Faust is quietly trying to sneak her knife into your hand, for crimes.

[yuri-is-online]

Hi Yuri! I hope you are doing well<333 I really enjoy reading your writing and I am always more fond of reading the little octatrio fish gang! I dont really know how this usually works because I never send in any asks at all nor do I see your rules list or anything but if you dont mind I would like to make a request<3

A mc who finds an out of tune and old piano and fondly remembers that they used to play piano back in their world. And perhaps Azul hears in on this and despite the piano being old and out of tune, it is rather beautiful how you play it because of how imperfect the notes are being played out. (SORRY I WAS LISTENING TO FALLEN DOWN AND THE FEELINGS WERE JUST SURGING AND THE BRAINROT WAS TOO MUCH)

You dont have to force yourself or anything! Please take care and dont feel too pressured! <3

The Most Romantic of All Arts (Azul Ashengrotto x Yuu)

Hello dear friend and I am doing quite well thank you! I'm pleased you like my writing; the octotrio is what finally cracked my resolve to check out Twisted Wonderland and put FGO on the back burner so I suppose I shouldn't beat myself up too much for writing about them so much. I am sorry I caused you stress with my lack of rules, I don't usually send requests or asks myself, so I felt really bad to have frightened you. Not too sure if this will end up being what you had in mind, it got away from me a bit.

Also when you say Fallen Down, you do mean the Undertale soundtrack piece right? It's a soothing song I listened to it while I was plotting this to try and get into a similar headspace.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, header taken from the painting Spirit by George Roux (1885) which I found on this wordpres blog article I took the title from, it's a neat painting, Azul learning to find beauty and love in imperfections is important to me ok? Other works can be found on my masterlist here.

Sometimes you wonder if Ramshakle is sentient. The old building has more rooms than you know what to do with, and lovely as the ghosts are they don't fully remember what they were used for, if they remembered in the first place. But still there was something about those rooms that seemed to love you; he guest room almost built itself up around you, the kitchen had only needed some basic repairs before it was ready to help play host again, and no matter where a fire place was found it was always eager to burst to life and warm you and Grim.

It does not have the same love for Azul, he'd complained as much when you talked about just what it was he wanted with the building after the events of his overblot had cooled between you.

"It's got a graveyard in front of it, though?" That really had been the crux of your whole argument. It was hard to be annoyed with his laugh when it sounded so nice, the genuine amusement a refreshing difference to his previous performitive indifference.

"Yes," he muses, sipping at his real before he continues, "I'm not bothered by that much, ghosts and grave ships aren't uncommon sights under the sea, but I always forget how unusual humans think they are."

"There's a lot of superstitions about places where people are buried." You mean it as an explanation, but it brings an odd look to Azul's face, like there's an emotion bubbling beneath his surface he doesn't want to acknowledge but is too strong to suppress. It settles over you both, as you try to focus on drinking your tea while your host seems content to let his grow cold.

"Well, I suppose it's a good thing that ruin isn't really sentient." He sounds almost bitter, disappointed in how long he has let his drink cool you decide as he reaches for the pot and warms it with some fresh tea. "Otherwise, I'd accuse it of trying to keep you."

It's a silly thought, but the sight of this latest discovery really does have you wondering. You are supposed to be in that wonderfully accommodating kitchen making snacks for when Azul decides to "coincidentally drop by" later this evening to "go over the Lounge's expenses" in your guest room. On a Tuesday. When it was almost guaranteed business would be slow enough to keep anyone from wondering too hard about where he'd gone or the twins from being too upset about running things. But instead of "just wanting to try" a new recipe, you are here, tucked in a room just a bit further down the hall from the guest room watching Grim give his best impression of Ace after completing a magic trick. Because stars know he has never seen any other magicians.

"TA-DA!" He puts both of his paws out to really sell the piano at the window. "See, I told you I had a great surprise!"

"I'm sorry for not believing you." You say and try not to laugh with just how much more proud that seems to make him. "But where did you find this? Or how I guess, unless you moved it?"

"Nah." He shakes his head before remembering he's supposed to be the "great" Grim. "I mean I could have! But I'm just so cool I managed to find a piano here already, so all I had to do was clean it up instead! You're welcome henchuman." You scratch just behind his ears and politely ignore his purrs as you examine the piano and its bench. They're old, likely just as ancient as everything else in the dormitory and likely extremely, achingly out of tune. But the mere sight of it makes your fingers itch, and Grim barely has to whine "Well ain't you gonna play somethin'?" Before you're at the bench, experimentally pressing the keys to try and sound out something.

Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are-

You hum it rather than sing, irrationally worried Grim will somehow figure out it's a lullaby and complain that you're babying him instead of cutely dancing along with the music like it's one of the cassettes Deuce let you borrow. He cheers for another, and you oblige, letting your muscle memory carry you as far as it can as you try searching your brain for just what it was you wanted most to hear from yourself after all this time being unable to play.

And missing the click of a heavy door down the hall in the effort.

Azul hears nothing at first, and though it does disappoint, it does not bother him. He's had a long day, one about to be made longer still by the grey zone already draping itself around his thoughts as he shrugs his blazer off to his shoulders while en route to the Ramshackle guest room. He pauses, for what he tells himself is only going to be second, at the kitchen door and is left unrewarded for his detour.

You aren't there: and that does bother him somewhat, even if it should not if his pretext is to be believed. These visits were too commonplace to be random, but maybe you'd made plans, deciding not to look past his excuses for the evening. Maybe you were asleep, tired of the day or just plain tired of him. But there is a kettle sat on it's base, mercifully not on just yet, but two mugs and the pour over cone set next to as if it was expecting company. The nerves remain knotted in his stomach, though the cause shifts towards something more welcome.

So you do have a mug purposefully set aside and designated just for him, and is that a little recpie card with notes on coffee taped to that tin? These things should worry him, the picture he snaps and immediately hides in a folder should be for a purpose. But it's separate from those ones, labeled something inane and barely full with how careful he is to have his longing remain unseen. He wonders, briefly if it would be an intrusion to make the drinks himself. If it would reveal to much to show outright he knows the way you take yours instead of just saying it in time with your order, but knows that would not be the exact issue here. He is a guest, and guests limit themselves to the halls and that room he forces himself, with haste that would be noticeable if you were there to see it, back down the hall and back towards the guest room. Azul has work to do, he can content himself with the warmth the mental image the cups on the counter produces until something forces him to pause at a door once more. The piano is old, droning out a tune that is unpolished and rusty from the player's lack of practice but filled with such a specific sort of joy it has him actually running towards it.

You sit at the bench, a serious look of determination on your face so unlike the usual Yuu it can't help but be cute. Grim sleeps contentedly on your lap as you continue searching for the threads of melody still trapped inside your head from years of only occasionally reluctant practice. It's an unfamiliar tune in composition, but not in feel. There's words to this song, maybe not in the form of lyrics, but there all the same for him to stumble even closer to as he comes to a halting stop just behind you and the music ends in a surprised crash as you whip your head around to see him.

"Azul!"

"Very sorry to interrupt." He holds up both hands in surrender, composure only just maintained as you check to see Grim still asleep and laugh nervously. "I didn't know you could play."

"Can't really." You say somewhat bitterly and more confidence comes to Azul as a slight plan froms in his mind. "I'm really out of practice ugh. I know it shouldn't annoy me! But with how everything's been since I showed up, it's just not been on my mi- Oh hello?"

Azul fully removes his jacket and sets it on a side table close to where he had been satanding, moving to sit on the bench next to you. He has enough mercy not to loosen his tie or do anything else scandalous, but the close examination he gives to the keys could have fooled you. "Pity it's so out of tune, this is a nice piano."

"I know right! I'm really happy Grim found it." You resist the urge to poke his cheeks some and Azul lightly, trying not to too openly relish in your surprise reaches one arm around your back to place his hands into a similar position as you had been earlier, tucking you close to his side.

"May I?" He's smug. Too smug it's robbing you of sanity.

"What's it going to cost?" You try too hard not to sound like you're flailing as you look to see your question hasn't even phased him at all.

"Oh normally I wouldn't dream of charging for a performance," he clearly lies "but it's been such a long day I wouldn't say no to a cup of coffee." And he's off, music only marred by the off key of the piano in a clearly purposeful display of talent meant to sear itself into your mind enough that you don't think about his request too long. You and he are from two different worlds, but he knows that music has a way of gapping that if the stories of the mermaid princess told him anything at all. So when he purposefully slows the song at its end, he knows you know, that tricky smile he swore once he'd always hate kicking his heartbeat up again as you lean fully against his shoulder.

"Beautiful." You say, not bothering to give the compliment direction as he can't help but agree. "We should play together next time."

"I-" You pick yourself up and what he wants to say slows when you pick up his jacket for him and hold out a hand. Later, he all to easily decides. Later, without Grim and with specific time set purposefully aside so you know just how much it matters. "I would like that. You'll have to show me the songs that you can remember from your world." And he takes your hand just to soothe some of the ache, trying and failing not to show just how happy he is when you keep it.

[hihigherdi]

Last week was a lot. I told my team that I was leaving for another experience. They are sad and processing but also very happy for me. We cried a little at the end of the meeting. The initial support structure I had in place was OK but a few parts were confusing/concerning so I adjusted those and I think they feel better. My boss isn't sure where they will officially report into yet but I just made the call and confirmed who their direct manager will be. I've let all of my partners across the company know which has been weird, but OK.

The work in the new role is SO intense, I'm learning everything as fast as I can but also have to apply new learns to what I really don't understand yet to a plan that has to be localized into multiple languages by next week. It's nuts but there's no option not to do it, so I'm working a lot this weekend. I was experiencing such a confidence crisis but a few meetings on Friday validated I am moving in the right direction. For the first time in so long, I had anxiety dreams about work which in a weird way is a good sign - I was just kind of....dead, going through the motions, not super busy, not really caring about anything. My brain is waking up. It's where I am at my best. There will be a time for another way of moving through the world but right now for this next year/last experience, I want to be driving something hard and seeing the impact. I want to push myself to take risks and not be an invisible middle manager. Shirley said that I am like a little joey (baby kangaroo) - I am mostly comfortable living my emotions through animals and I have a tendency of hiding like a little joey. I already see this job will make me deal with conflict, stand in the strength of my opinion instead of being accommodating and malleable, afraid of making someone upset. There's such personal growth here for me.

The Alki remodel continues to provide a number of surprises. After we found so many concerns in the electric wiring in the lower unit, I asked the contractor to have the electrician check the upper unit as well. He couldn't even do much given the electrical panel is over 30 years old, so I had it replaced. We also repaired some cracks in the roof and an HVAC person is coming out to assess what I should do to upgrade the 30 year furnace. It's a lot but I am comforted to know these upgrades will make everything so much stronger and safer, I'm much more confident in renting it now. Another fun thing, the contractor found an outdoor shower on the side of the house so we're going to replace it with this and create a little area with a sauna, so someone can do a cold plunge in the ocean, and then wash off in the shower and take a sauna. It's actually not expensive and the contractor can build it for us. I'm excited!

Health-wise, I signed up for a service that will make it easier for me to get the updates to my health that I need. I got 16 vials of blood taken on Friday for a number of tests - a full panel including a lot of early detection stuff.

This is going to be such a good year. It already is. I trust it. I trust that good things are here, that I deserve them and I am going to meet every moment with new strength, new capability and create more silence so those that are guiding me can be heard even more clearly.

[ecstaticasterisms]

Been doing some thinking about social accommodations for c-ptsd and conversational safe words. Bc for me anyway I don't have a short convenient list of topics to avoid, a lot of times it would be way too hard to explain why something is bothering me before I'm having a meltdown or dissociated off the side of the planet. I'm getting faster with it, but a lot of times it takes me hours/days/years to figure out exactly why something bothered me. So sometimes conversations will drift in a direction that's not great for me but my ability to speak is pretty much always the first thing to go when I get stressed out. And then the other person is like what's wrong? And I can't answer and then it's all downhill from there.

So! Since it's not actually possible to interact with others without tripping over triggering stuff sometimes, gotta figure out some emergency brakes. Also I somehow got it so being asked "are you ok?" is specifically triggering, so that's fun. I rationalize that this is bc it's usually a useless question, like if you're asking you already think something is wrong so let's be more specific bc if you ask a yes/no question when I'm already struggling you're going to get a yes/no answer with no embellishments. And if I am ok, well now I'm not bc I'm wondering what I did wrong to make them ask me that. So in most cases asking something other than just "okay" works, is it too loud, are you sleepy, does something hurt?

That still relies on the other person to notice something is off. And in a lot of cases my people will notice I'm a little off balance before I do, which, amazing 🙌 But sometimes they don't notice for any number of reasons that aren't something to fix (they're driving, we're texting, they're having their own emotions, we're watching tv so I'm being quiet anyway), so it's my responsibility to advocate for myself. Which is hard when my words are the first thing to go when I'm dysregulated.

So I was thinking zones of regulation, traffic light safe words, but how can we add some nuance? (Both of those are very googleable but traffic light is obv red/yellow/green, zones of regulation adds blue) Why not just make it a whole rainbow? I propose:

Orange: almost red, we got like 2 minutes tops before I'm out. Sometimes hard convos are necessary and we're all working on our own distress tolerance skills. Or it's some environmental trigger pushing me over the edge.

Purple: miscellaneous positive emotions not adequately communicated by green. Silly, stoned, hyper, snarky, competitive, etc. like anything I think would cause someone to be like "you good bro?" when I am actually fine and actively enjoying myself.

So, with this framework, I can check in with just a couple words (and colors are easy on my AAC app if talking isn't happening). Also can ask for check in if I'm unsure where the other person is at - usually in text or they're trying to hide/downplay something.

Like if I ask what's wrong, then I'm pushing them to talk about it rn and it's maybe not the time. But if I just ask their color/zone, that doesn't have to come with a defense/explanation. Much more neutral stance to ask what they need. Or if I'm not in a place to help, I can still check in to see if they have capacity to help me at the moment.

I'm really excited about this framework, lemme know if you have any questions about it, zones of regulation, or how you could use it!

[femchef]

Pretty sure I haven’t posted any wig posts in a long time - but!!! Here is one. Also I’ve decided to focus on collecting more pink for 2024, so #goals I guess. ✨💕🎀

The dress is Classic Teahouse Chiffon Frill from Metamorphose Temps de Fille. The blouse and head bow are also from meta. Socks are from Sock Dreams (honestly I’m torn about the color pairing, but I kinda love the luminous yellow stripes with the pink?) and the shoes are Angelic Pretty. The earrings and necklace are from a small maker called Jelly Cherry Accesorios (you can find them on ig).

By this point it’s safe to say I’m a meta girl. I’m really impressed with their size inclusivity. I’ve been around the egl community for about 18+ years at this point, and while a lot of brands have scaled back on their sizing (especially btssb, they very rarely release anything larger than 38 inches anymore), metamorphose actually jumped into making their clothes more accessible to different sizes. I took a break from egl fashion for a while because looking at the sizes of most brands is… not always good for mental health - and I made a promise to myself last year that I would only buy things that felt comfortable, and not just things that fit by the strictest definition. There IS about a 4,000¥ difference in their sizes, but for the quality of the garments AND the fact that their larger sizes are designed for larger bodies (longer skirt lengths, longer bodice cuts that accommodate larger busts, longer straps and softer elastics that aren’t tight on the skin to start with) I’m perfectly ok with that. Their plus size line typically maxes out between 50-66 inch bust line for reference, and they do an inclusive release for nearly all their designs, which is honestly pretty singular for egl brands - instead of doing maybe one plus size release in one cut, like angelic pretty tends to do (with less frequency), and which is nearly always some kind of full-shirring bodice (typically not very flattering on larger bodies). So far, the only other Japanese brand that makes decent plus size pieces is Artelier Pierrot. Some brands - like Emily Temple Cute and PhysicalDrop, are experimenting with plus size releases, but so far the largest I’ve seen from either of them has still only topped out at around 48-49 inches in the bust.

To be fair, part of this is because the western audience is pretty small. Aside from that western lolitas have a really developed second-hand shopping and collection culture and are a lot less likely to purchase new products directly from the brand (we also have a scalping problem with Angelic Pretty products but that is another issue).

ANYWAY - let’s end this plug for now, but if anyone out there has ever wanted to ask someone about meta products, or has questions but is interested in purchasing, send me a pm?

[donnerpartyofone]

Ranting, complaining.

In my admittedly limited experience something that makes for bad therapy is the reductive impulse--the approach of reducing all psychological ailment to some general, universal experience. This is supposed to make you feel like you're in good company and not beyond help, but it can also be anonymizing and condescending. For instance suicide prevention rhetoric that focuses on the idea that it's all about loneliness makes me sort of crazy; I mean certainly there are instances where alienation is the main thing, especially with younger people I'd bet, but it's infantilizing to suggest that an adult couldn't have bigger, deeper problems than the need for more phone calls and hugs. And I think this misunderstanding enables the argument that suicide is a cruel thing to do to the people in your life, which is this awful mind trick people play to convince themselves that the pain of loss is serious but whatever pain it is that compels you to actually end your own life is somehow inconsequential and bearable. Apparently you should have just made more phone calls and asked for more hugs, no problem can't be solved by that, and if you didn't do this then other people get to hate you. I've seen people get so angry at their dear friends who committed suicide, and I've been in very bad places just to be told something like "you are not alone." Like no offense but I fucking know that, you're standing right there saying it to me aren't you? Please don't treat me like some lonely teenager, I have other things going on.

Another reductive thing is the strategy of trying to convince the patient that they are "normal". There's a post I once saw here about how someone's therapist blithely tells them "I mean what even IS 'normal' anyway!" like it's this amazing revelation, and the person lists three or four patently aberrant and damaging experiences that most people would never understand in order to say "Can you just try to get on my fucking level with this please?" Maybe that person WAS tormented by feeling abnormal but it's obviously unfair of their therapist to treat them like they can't tell their circumstances are unusual. Besides which you can accept the enlightened cosmic view that there's no such thing as "normal" or that there are more people like yourself than you'll ever know, and you can still be tortured by the effects of your experiences. Universality is not much comfort if something really hurts you.

A big part of my mental health struggles have to do with what I now understand are ADHD-related problems (and I believe ASD is also involved but I don't have that diagnosis yet). Like let's say half my problem is really deep complex depression and fear, and half of it is just the fact that every day is way harder than it needs to be because I can't get a grip on basic tasks. It's the Sisyphus thing, you might think you're a pretty decent guy and that many people share your problems, but eventually you may start wishing that boulder would just squash you the next time it rolls back down because the situation is unmanageable. My first therapist treated me like I was exaggerating or making up all my practical hangups due to low self-esteem. My third therapist accepted that I was being truthful but she would say to me, "Well what if YOU'RE not wrong, what if the rest of the WORLD is wrong!" Like yes I agree the world should be more accommodating to people with different neurological conditions or whatever but whether or not I blame myself for everything, the "everything" is still wrecking my life. Doing mental gymnastics to put a positive spin on it has zero effect on what a hard time I'm having. Please don't talk to me like I'm some child who has never heard that it's OK to be different. If you do I will go insane and I will roam the streets doing Victorian madwoman behaviors and I will not get over it for a long time.

Another thing therapist #3 did that seems to be popular was to take away the words "insane" and "crazy"--and like I do understand what that's about, a generalized diagnosis of just being "fucked up" doesn't help you get to the bottom of things. But if you prevent me from saying those words that will not stop me from feeling crazy and insane. You're just arguing semantics with me when we could be talking productively about my issues and this may actually make me feel crazier.

[geodetojoy]

For the ask game!

-If money weren’t an issue and you didn’t have to worry about work/paying rent/surviving capitalist hellscape what would you do with your life?

-What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever read and why?

-If you go back and relive one memory, which one would it be?

Ooo hello anon!!

Also this gets a bit personal near the end, especially in 3, which I guess is the point, but be warned!!!

1. I gave an answer for this a bit ago, I rb’d mysti’s post (I’m assuming you’re referencing that, I could be wrong)

But I’ll summarize anyway lmao

First, I’d run away. No exact place in mind, just away from where I am now. The only fragments of my past id bring with me are my cats, maybe one irl friend, and my online friends. Everything else, I’d leave behind.

I wanna give my cats the kind of life they deserve, bc right now they live in a basement with quite literally no access to the sun and it fucking breaks my heart.

I’d live somewhere pretty far out from society, likely near some forest, and I’d surround myself with plants and animals. I’d just love to be in a place with little to no light pollution and beautiful scenery. Not only would I love to live it, but I’d love to paint it too.

I’d focus on art more than anything. I’d finish WIPs, I’d have a studio in my house, I’d write, I’d study game design and make games, and so so much more.

I’d catch up on all of the videos and movies and music I need to see/hear

I’d let myself focus even more on my hyperfixations and throw myself into them entirely

And on top of that, I wouldn’t be afraid to accommodate anything for myself. I’d get rid of everything that causes sensory issues, I’d let myself stim constantly, etc. I just wouldn’t be afraid to be me.

(I think there were a few more things that I’m forgetting lmao so if you wanna dig for my last post feel free)

2. This is. The hardest fucking question I’ve ever gotten. How could you anon /j

There’s no way I could give just one answer so you get a list

1. Ok I can’t find a title bc I read this fucking ages ago but I loved it so fucking much it was a Pokémon fic where Ash and his greninja reunited and they had like telepathy, and it threw in a little bit of amourshipping as well which I used to be a huge sucker for. It’s mainly in this list bc of how well I can/could remember it; I would literally recite it to myself any night I couldn’t sleep bc a. I knew it so well and b. I wasn’t allowed on my phone after a certain time. It was also one of the first fanfics I ever read!

OK OK WAIT I FOUND IT ITS CALLED RETURN OF GRENINJA: UNITED BY ALEXANDRIA PRIME ON FANFICTION.NET

2. You Belong To Me by Smytherines!!!! I fucking love Spies Are Forever so fucking much and this fic kills me every time. Let my boys be happy!!!! Let them be soft!!!! Gah it’s just so beautiful and the art in it is fucking incredible!!! I could talk about it forever

3. Burning flames or paradise? Series by Insomnia!!!!!

Gah I love me some Smalletho!!! My boys just need to have a normal fucking conversation for once!!!

I’m also loving all of the new character additions and all of the relationships- I LOVE GEMS CHARACTER IN IT SMMM DUDE

4. To cradle love in open palms by svnnybee!!!!

The first Scarian fic I ever read and GOD is it a good one

Feat. scar being a big dumb boss and Grian being a little mischievous mole (but not for long bc he falls HARD for the guy he’s trying to spy on)

It’s just soooo fucking precious and sweet and I love them ok?

5. There is nothing more artistic than loving someone by Froggiestarrock!!!

Another Scarian one lmao but college au this time!!! Makes me cry every fucking time I read it dude it’s sooo good and we love some well-written disability rep for scar!!!! And aroace mumbo!!!!!

6. Take it all (even though I have nothing left) by Emojiconuser_456!!!

My absolute FAVORITE Qsmp fic

Charlie centric!!! My fav boy

I just looooove the way this is written and I loooove Charlie’s backstory and I loooove the way the slimes/magmas are written it’s all so beautiful and the WORLD BUILDING oh my god.

7. And how could I make this list without mentioning my writer friends!!!!

First we have eowynarchives with your lucky charm!!! A beautifully written treebark fic with wanderer Martyn and wizard ren!!!! I am in love with how it’s going so far it’s such a good story!!!!!

8. And continuing on we have my dearest soul-bound mother CharBeloved :DDDDD

They’ve written tons of stuff but my fav is Missing Memories, which is being rewritten with a new title of Found but Lost!!! It’s a really interesting genloss story with ciphers/puzzles (which I adore) and it’s got some fuckin crazy lore and I love it

9. Not a fic, but an author whose work I adore soooooo dearly!!! Quillandinktwink!!!! They also write spies stuff, curtwen specifically, and I could read all of their work until the end of eternity and never get tired of it. My fav of theirs right now is and you can savor every word which is a silly little confession story bc of silly little curt mega and his silly little hobby of journaling :)

10 ok I am cutting it here but the Ashamed series by TheBananaOwenSlippedOn (omg spies again who could have guessed) is an incredibly written au about Owen’s past (autistic Owen my beloved) and it’s soooooo painfully tragic and it makes me so fucking sad to think about the implications /ref

There’s so so many more that I didn’t include but I just genuinely can’t pick a favorite I just love fanfiction dude

3. Oooo another hard one!!!

I don’t wanna get too sad and depressing lmao but I don’t have too many good memories tbh?? Like I’ve had good experiences, I know I have, I just usually remember the bad ones, or smth happens that ruins what was once a good memory :/

And there’s tons of stuff that I’d love to go back and change, even if just a little bit, but that’s not the question LMAO

But I’ve got some in mind! And you’re getting another list deal with it /lh

1. My first ever dnd session!!! One part specifically that I’m SUPER fucking proud of-

So our party was kidnapped and imprisoned on a boat, and after we broke out we had to fight the crew. My character was a Druid, and she knew the spell Create or Destroy Water. So what I did was destroy the water in the sea surrounding one side of the boat so that the boat would fall backwards, sending everyone on board soaring in that direction :DDDD

My dm also played into this reaaaaaaly well and said that the lanterns lining the walls fell too and set the whole boat aflame it was fuckin AWESOME

2. My first time(s) talking to my moots!!!!! Mads, char, mysti, and now royal, if any of u see this, y’all have been the fuckin best part of my life and ily all so much I’m so glad to have met you :) <333333

3. The day I got two of my four (now one of my two, we have two away) kitties!!! I used to write about this every time we got a narrative writing assignment in school lmaoo so I’ll do a shortened version of that here >:)

So at my public library one summer, they were holding an event called Cat-urday where they brought a bunch of kitties from the local humane society for people to adopt! We went in, just having moved to a new house, planning to get two cats. I would get to pick one and my brother would get to pick another. I wandered around for a bit until one caught my eye. She was a mixed breed, almost resembling a tabby cat but with a white face, stomach, and boots, she was a few weeks old, and she had sprained her wrist trying to reach out of her cage. I picked her up to see if she would like me, and she practically melted into my chest.

Then, when we brought her home, she made my bed her temporary nest until she was fully nursed to health <33333

In summary, I fucking love my cats

(Btw I still have her, her name is snickers and she is so very dear to me :))) )

4. The day my mom discovered that I’m probably autistic

(I’m self diagnosed, that’s the only reason it’s worded like that)

While not necessarily something I remember fondly, it was an extreme fucking relief to hear that, a, someone else saw it too which really fucking helped with imposter syndrome, and b, I didn’t have to hide it anymore bc I thought that everyone I knew was veeeeeery ableist. Don’t get me wrong she’s still not great about it but just her knowing has made things a lot easier

5. Not one in specific, but I’d like to go back to a good time I had with my dad before I cut contact with him. Back when I thought he was a good person. Just so I could remember what it’s like for a lil bit

Edit: 6. I’d go back to the first time I watched spies are forever :))))))) GOD I fucking love that musical

This got….. incredibly long, sorry anon LMAOOOO

[autisticlee]

kind of afraid to post this because I predict someone will misunderstand and be upset at me. but this blog is means as a personal journal and i don't post here for other people or attention—

something I see in the autism community (especially on tumblr) is when a less-disabled/lower support needs autistic is proud of their autism or likes it or whatever, the more disabled/higher support needs people think that person is invalidating them/their experiences and speaking over them (I'm not talking about posts that generalize all autistic people/autism as a whole and try to speak for everyone and say it cant disabled you because *they* dont struggle themselves. i only mean posts where people are talking about only their own personal experiences) but i've seen many posts and replies that tell people not to celebrate/be happy about/romanticize/like their own autism. just because they are privileged to not be disabled by it, and not everyone is as lucky, therefore it invalidates those struggling.

I get that it can make you feel left out and invalidated, but not everyone being happy about an aspect of something is forgetting you, talking over you, trying to invalidate you, etc. they can celebrate something without needing to add a reminder that other people are struggling. their experiences are allowed to be good and they are allowed to be happy about it! you can celebrate the good without it meaning the bad is being overlooked too. people can be happy about the positive traits of a thing without it meaning they dont care about the negative ones or the people affected by them.

maybe it sounds mean to "leave you out" but there's far more posts about the struggles of autism than good ones, at least from what i've seen, but tumblr algorithm so maybe thats incorrect. if you look up autism online though, you get flooded by negative things more than positive. lower support needs people also often get told they can't be autistic/don't need help/dont deserve accommodation because they aren't autistic enough. (even I get told this all the time and I feel i'm probably more in the medium support needs?) there's not much good for the people who need the good, so they make it for themsleves.

i'm sorry if it affects you to see people can enjoy an aspect of their lives that causes you great suffering :( I know how to feels to be struggling while people in the same place aren't and are having and sharing positive expiences because of the thing that causes you to suffer. i've been there and also felt left out and like they were ignoring me and my struggles. but!!!!! I learned that that's not always true! it doesn't have to be all bad for everyone! and they aren't trying to ignore my negative experience on purpose! we need to let people who need the positive have their own space just like the ones struggling. I struggle a lot with being autistic and sometimes wish I wasn't. but i'm still happy for the people that get positive things out of it instead and can thrive in life, while i'm barely surviving myself. these two things can coexist

maybe the low support needs people feel left out too and want to make their own posts among the sea of "autism is a horrible tragic disorder/disability and we wish we didn't have it and didn't struggle and suffer/autistic people can never have normal lifes/etc" and that's ok! everyone is valid, struggling or not. no one is talking over anyone else just by having a different experience and view! especially when they aren't making a side note to mention the other perspectives they don't experience themselves. it's not their job to always add a disclaimer about those other experiences. especially if they don't understand it because they never experiences it themselves and can't make an accurate post about it. you can make your own posts if you need to, or ask them to help you share it by sharing your experiences.

just like I make my own posts about how much I struggle in life because i'm autistic. often a post comes from reading a post where someone talked about how autism positively affects something for them, and I make my own post to talk about how that same trait affects me negatively. I don't comment on their post and say they are invalidating my experience. I don't let it make me feel bad or take it personally. I don't feel invalidated or attacked by low support needs who have amazing lives because they have friends and a job and other stuff and aren't struggling as much as me. I don't feel like they are talking over me when they say autism makes them smart enough to get a good job or empathetic enough to have lots of friends. i'm happy for them. they deserve support too.

basically, in simpler terms, someone saying they like pineapple on pizza and making a post about how amazing it is isn't invalidating people who hate pineapple on pizza, hate pineapple in general, hate pizza, or are allergic to pineapple or pizza. you can make your own posts saying you hate it, but don't say people who post about liking it are wrong and not allowed to like it!

again, i'm not talking about the posts where people say "*all* autistic people should like their autism because it's not a disability" or something like that. if that's what people are referring to when they make posts saying to not celebrate autism because it leaves higher support needs out and talks over their struggles, then I apologize. maybe i read those wrong or they aren't worded very well, just like i'm sure this post of mine isn't worded well and will cause people to misunderstand my meaning. but they're always worded to sound like no one should make positive autism posts because it makes people feel bad who don't have the same positive experiences. IF That is indeed the case, then that's just as unfair as the people that tell high support needs to stop complaining and enjoy their autism/disability instead!

this actually goes for many things in general, not just autism. replace autism with other things and it works as well. it's a lesson we need to learn together!

[broadcastbabe]

It has been a wild masquerade birthday party afternoon of flirting and teasing your buddies in my masked bunny costume. They all know it’s me, though they use different names to pretend I am a sexy stranger. The disguise is a harmless consent to being fondled and groped, as I bend low with a perfect bunny dip to serve them drinks and joints from silver trays. You can see the handsier among them have taken the good-natured play to rougher realms, ripping my fishnets as I tried to escape their grab-assing. I’m a good sport and rarely complain when I have the chance to indulge myself with a variety of men, especially if their masks give me a pass on obligation or proper behavior. Out of the blue, one of the guys pulls me into our pantry, suggesting I am owed ‘7 Minutes in Heaven’. I giggle at the adolescent call-back, until I am whimpering with serious lust from his finesse. Nuzzling the low neckline of my velveteen bunny bustier, his long tongue finds my nipples and leaves me gasping with surprise. Bending the encasement down to expose the fullness, he brings deeper groans from my throat with sharp nibbles to the tips. “He told me this will make you cum… I can make you cum harder than he ever has… would you like that, baby?” My moaning affirmation marks me as a ‘good-time girl’ as my grandmother referred to in her warnings about such immodest behavior. His mouth has enveloped as much of each breast as he can and doing something with his tongue that I will be craving for the rest of my life. I feel the orgasmic convulsions approaching out of nowhere and at the 6 minute mark I am climaxing as never before. To say it is life-changing, does not do it justice. In the melee, I try to discern the identity of my brazen benefactor with such magical talents. No success, it is dark in the close quarters of the pantry and I am having another cascade of multiples as he kisses me deeply before he slips out the door. I stay another 10 minutes to recover and let the sensations subside from my twitchy body. Needing a cigarette, I settle for one of the joints I rolled as party favors and head to the roof to take stock of what just happened to me. The fresh air clears my dizzied head and the pot brings a post-euphoria that focuses on securing another release like the one that vitalized me with these new yearnings. Steadying my stance against the ledge, my knees wobble in a good way. Another long drag sends a few stray jolts of body ricochets from the dense pleasures of the recent raid in the pantry. The roof door opens suddenly disturbing my reverie and two masked men cross the threshold, “Thought we might find you up here, sweetie. I want you to meet my prodigal brother, just returned from his extended stay overseas.” It’s him, my liaison from moments ago, licking his lips and smirking from behind his mask. As he approaches for a chaste hug, he leans in close enough to whisper, “Plenty more tricks where that came from, baby…” As we part, I am smiling to cover the return of my exhilaration. We pass the joint between the three of us and out of curiosity I suggest we all unmask for a bit… “so I’ll recognize you next time.” You both laugh with a conspiratorial air and unveil yourselves in tandem to my consternation. “Forgot to mention, we’re identical twins, so that might still be an issue.” I stagger back to take in the impossible vision of your surreal similarities… already aware of the vast differences in your sexual skill sets. Speechless from the revelation, and dizzy once again, I hear your words, “I’ve asked him to stay with us until he finds his own place�� if that’s OK with you sweetie.” I am immediately wet… and slowly murmur my reaction, “Of course, we can accommodate family…” looking directly into his knowing eyes… and already filled with a rampaging anticipation for our new look-a-like roommate.

[mars-ipan]

Ya got any rants stored up? Long-burning hatred?

i FINALLY found one i’ve been holding onto this ask waiting for the opportunity.

i HATE how people treat people with anxiety disorders. it’s endless pity mixed with complete incompassion

like ok. obligatory i have generalized anxiety disorder here. a lot of things make me stressed and when i’m having bad anxiety attacks (which can last days and sometimes put me into month-long spells of misery) i get physically sick, to the point of throwing up and fever. i also tend to go nonverbal/low-verbal during these periods of time (usually bc i’m nauseous.) i’m also very prone to migraines and have a tic and wear a night guard due to jaw clenching etc etc you get the point it affects me.

when i share these symptoms with people (assuming they don’t have similar symptoms) i get a lot of frowny faces. “owh i’m sorry :( that must be awful how horrible“ and the like. and it’s never said in a way that’s actually kind. it’s said in the way people talk about those aspca commercials. and it’s never actually come from a place of genuine concern- it’s superficial pity apparently meant to placate me. i hate it

and that’s assuming i even get that reaction at all! usually when i try to explain to someone that i’m experiencing symptoms of some sort like “hey i’m sorry i can’t really be productive right now, i’ve got a lot of brain fog” i am ALWAYS dismissed. EVERY time. maybe it’s because i’m quite skilled at coping and masking. maybe it’s because my panic attacks don’t (always) look like wailing and thrashing and choking on air. but for some reason people don’t seem to understand that yes my anxiety disorder is actually disabling for me sometimes. i will ask for an accommodation i need, be compared to someone else with different needs from me, and then be told i need to just suck it up and deal with it. and i am SO! TIRED! OF! IT!!!! the amount of times i’ve told people “hey please don’t say that to me i’m prone to paranoia about xyz” and then been yelled at because “it’s not that serious take a joke” is ABSURD. hey maybe stop telling me my cough is covid bc now i have to spend the next 3 hours reminding myself that i don’t have any other symptoms asshole!!! jesus

and THEN when i actually DO find a way to cope or utilize the way my brain works or god forbid crack a fucking joke about it people get mad at me. “see i knew it wasn’t a big deal” or “so you’re actually fine” or “that’s not funny” i am. so tired of it

and then i go online and see people saying that disorders like anxiety and depression have been destigmatized and we’re treated basically the same in neurotypical society. motherfucker i did not go undiagnosed for 17 years with several doctors telling me it “wasn’t anything to worry about” despite my family history and clear signs from a young age just to be told my disorder is respected. if i say my anxiety is a disability i get called dramatic and am told to stop taking attention away from people who need it- or not to call it a disability because “it’s not that bad” and i’m fine because clearly having a disability makes every second of your life miserable of course of course. hell anxiety is demonized too! not as badly as many other illnesses but it’s still demonized!!! if i tell people “hey i have anxiety so please be careful with xyz” they act like i just asked them to let me do anything i want without consequence. there’s literally a whole fucking stereotype of people using “anxiety” as an excuse to be lazy or an asshole or entitled. as someone whose anxiety manifests in depressive spirals (freeze response) and rejection sensitivity (doom spiraling) this is Not Great!!!!! like i am hypervigilant about enough things i do not need to add “will these people get mad if i explain how my brain works” to the list

and about the rejection sensitivity. i HATEEEEE when people judge me for crying because they’re upset at something i’ve done wrong. “mars if you’re in the wrong then you’re not the victim” who the fuck said i think i’m the victim???? i cry because my brain takes “can you pls stop doing this it genuinely bugs me” and turns it into “you’re a horrible person how could you do this to someone they hate you.” but just because that happens doesn’t mean i’m not capable of rational thought!!! i KNOW realistically that my friends are good communicators and share that stuff because they like my company. i just need to cry about it as well. that doesn’t negate my logic or say i won’t actually try to improve myself. i’m just upset that i made the mistake. obviously i’m gonna fix it. that one REALLY pisses me off esp when i warn someone in advance that i do that. like calm the fuck down i’m not even pointing out that i’m crying rn this isn’t about me stop making it about me.

ANYWAYS. it’s really frustrating to deal with this shit from nts and then go to an online nd space for community and hear people talk about anxiety disorders like we don’t face ableism. just because it’s quieter doesn’t mean it isn’t there. that AND the “it’s barely an issue” girlie i was told i wasn’t disabled enough by doctors my whole damn life i am NOT about to start hearing it from you too. you can drown in the ocean or a swimming pool or a puddle. doesn’t fucking matter. the hypocrisy irritates me so bad

[strawberry-selfships]

okay. im gonna explain it all. Why Do I Love Niles Caulder So Much?

contains spoilers for the general plot of doom patrol (not of one specific dp media)

put this under a cut because it is EXTREMELY long. (1.1k words) but hopefully I'll be able to post all my fics and stuff after I have this all explained. to whoever reads this, thank you for taking the time to do so. LETS GOOO

I'll start off with the disclaimer of saying I do not agree with or support what he did. (not something I should have to say but some people think being in love with an antagonist means agreeing with them and their actions) I am most familiar with the grant morrison doom patrol comic run, so that's the main one I'll be referring to. I have seen a little bit of the show too. not very much of it, but still episodes that I'll also refer to once or twice (particularly, last ep I saw was Jane Patrol)

ok! now that that's over with, onto the real meat of this. I'll start this off with a bang, with the absolute biggest reason that niles lives in my heart so strongly! reason #1: he is genuinely caring, accepting, and accommodating I spend a lot of time thinking about this. if you want a specific example, I think a lot about how niles interacts with baby doll. actually I have a gif here (that I made myself!) that I can include

like genuinely no matter what, you tell him something deep or odd about yourself or ask him to refer to you in some way or literally anything, and he'll be so goddamn accepting about it. even if he doesn't like you personally, I feel like he'd still respect who or what you are and it's just something that is so so so deeply personal to me. as someone who's genderfluid, shapeshifter otherkin, fictionkin, asexual, xenogender, and uses neopronouns, the knowledge that niles would take the time to understand all these facets of me and love me just the same means EVERYTHING.

actually now that I've mentioned me being otherkin, I do want to mention why I've been so secretive about my selfship with him. my self insert is a reflection of my otherkin-ness like no other. I am nonhuman. non-anthro nonhuman. I am a shapeshifter. being deadly serious here. so I decided to make my doom patrol self insert a shapeshifter too. human being included as one of the species, of course. all of the selfship art I've posted with niles is just of him with me, not with my self insert, because I didn't want people getting upset with me over misunderstanding who my self insert is.

with that confession over with, here's reason number two :3

reason #2: he's genuinely really interesting as a character it's a complicated answer on whether niles is a villain or not. I've only seen his plan executed in the grant morrison comic so that's the one I'll be referring to here. he had such a terrible (humanely) way of executing his plan, and yet there was an odd sense of heart into it? like, his ultimate goal was to bring people together after putting them each in a drastic traumatic situation, where the only people who can help them cope are each other. it's?? so??? and after all that is said and done, he is shown to genuinely care for them. and accommodate them and support them. it's just so damn interesting??? like obviously it's terrible but it's just so interesting that he did this with the goal of unification and acceptance amongst people. and it's all out of scientific interest too. for knowledge. scientific pursuit. that's his reasoning. his main motivation for all that. it's insane. he's insane. he has every disease. there's so much wrong with him. he has such an odd heart. I love him. I love him I love him and I love how uncomparable he is to any other character.

reason #3: his absolute insane amount of intelligence he!!! is!!! so smart!!! think about how insane his invention of the Think Tank is!!! also I don't think he's an actual psychologist but he's clearly really skilled in understanding the minds of others. his scientific method is so . you can tell he's so . it's . yeah . it's so freaking impressive to me and I love it so much rahhh!!! there's a really deep comfort I have from him in this regard. I am really picky and really sensitive to textures, feelings, sounds, flavors, etc., so knowing that niles would understand and remember all of these is so nice. with the added comfort of knowing he would accommodate me and not judge me and not mind it and not think me a burden for having to work around them is just so special!!! I want to be understood, and he would take the time to understand me. there's a special intimacy in being understood so acutely. a type of intimacy that I hold so, so dear. something that can only be given by niles. plus, he loves me and cares for me, he wants to understand me and know the most efficient way to care for me and make me smile and make me happy and comfort me after a bad day and understand what makes me ticked off and what makes me giggle and so on and so forth. the intimacy of being understood. <3

reason #4: I think his fondness for chocolate is really great ;w; this is something in both the comic and the show that I'm really happy they included in both!! it's my favorite little trait of his I think it's really cute aahauee!! I've heard the canonical reason is that he's managing his blood sugar, but it's a personal headcanon of mine that he's got a big sweet tooth for the stuff. particularly milk chocolate.

it's genuinely one of my favorite things to see, to glance over at him in a comic panel and he's in the corner nibbling on a chocolate bar. particularly hershey's. gosh it's another cute detail that he's got a favorite particular brand. he likes his milk chocolate bars!!!! and it's so wonderful and it makes me smile every time i see it!!!

bonus reason! reason #5 - ngl he's really silly when he's just a head

look at these pics and tell me u dont get at least a little bit of whimsical joy from this!! he's in a kitty tray, drinking a chocolate shake, not even to feel full because it's clearly leaking out of him and he knows this, but because he just likes the taste of chocolate. it's jsut something that makes me smile and makes me giddy whenever I remember it !!! silly silly

thank you sooooo much for reading all this insane amount of blorbo gushing!!! <3 chances are, I'm probably forgetting some stuff since I wrote this all in one sitting in like the span of one hour, but I got my main reasons down. so yeah hopefully I'll be able to have the confidence start posting all the selfship fics I've written of him and my self insert now that I've hopefully gotten any kind of confusion or misunderstanding out of the way. (also dear reader this is your reminder to eat or drink water if you've forgotten either of those.) <3

[threadsun]

Oh !! I like that energy !! First time someone offered me a wheelchair I almost broke down !! Such fun times~

-fr i should be more positive about things, Im working on it tho, jda here-

I’ll let you keep the title just cuz you’re fun, so—

Assuming you don’t know what hollow knight is, is basically like a metroidvania game and it’s sooooo gooooood !! IM IN LOVE WITH THE GAME SINCE LIKE. Idk I think I discovered it in 2019 I think I can’t remember, BUT BUT, I had like this discussion with my sister telling her we should buy it and that I would pay for it and stuff and I finally convinced her, she liked the game, the one going crazy over it was me tho—

It’s got a ton of fun stuff and I mean a ton !!

You get lost really easily if you can’t find Cornifer to buy the map of the area but that’s the fun part !! Just exploring random places and memorizing stuff is just so nice !! ALSO THE BOSSES OOF, I love every single one of them !! Sure there are some that,,, aren’t that fun, but at the end of the day they’re still pretty enjoyable !! It’s got plenty of nice characters my fav being Quirrel whom I have a plushie of (also a plush of like the void version of the player, plus a silly drawing I made, I would buy more merch but I’m poor also I have more fandoms to attend to so— I have some merch here and there of other stuff so well that’s we’re my money goes to :]]) also also !! The name I use to sign my drawings comes form like the ship name I like from that game yes it’s gay bugs idk why they look cute ig

Okay to sum everything up or else this ask will be completed in three weeks, I love the game and the soundtrack is a banger I love it im waiting for Team Cherry’s next game so bad I’m very exited I just love hollow knight so much istg I’m not normal about that game I can count how many corpses are in the abyss I’ve played the game more than what I can count and I still haven’t gotten the 112% I’m very disappointed in myself but one day I’ll get it anyways if you have money I totally recommend getting it it’s a whole experience 10/10 would recommend okay that’s it thanks for letting me talk about the game I love it so much and I love you ok thanks again bye

Wheelchairs are so good tbh, like my stance (and the general disability studies/activism stance) is that if an accommodation makes your life better, you should use it. Doesn't matter if you could do [thing] without it, if it makes doing [thing] easier, you should use it!

Like I could just walk around with a dislocated/subluxated hip, but if I want to walk without pain then I need to use my wheelchair! The first time I ever used one was at a museum, and I realised it was the first time I'd ever enjoyed a museum cause I wasn't in horrible pain for once. After that, I started the process of getting my own wheelchair because it's so much nicer to live a life where I can focus on my surroundings without being distracted by pain!

Ooooh that sounds like lots of fun!! I know one of my friends plays it, but I've never actually seen it played. I may watch some playthroughs/streams of it or something to see if it'd be my sort of game, and if it is then I'll probably get it!! It sounds super cool from how you describe it, and I love the idea of gay bugs~

[cynical-crypt]

Autism ask meme

(originally by @autie-j​)

Here's an ask meme specifically for autistic people

How old were you when you found out you were autistic? 5

Do you have any other autistic people in your family? Or are you the only one? most people in my family are autistic or have some kind of other neurodivergence

Do you have any comorbidities? Or just autism? severe adhd and “very likely bpd,” as my psych put it

Are you LGBTQIA+? yup

What do you wish more people knew about autism? that it makes it hard to exist around people and also that it doesn’t automatically make you “dumb”

Have you ever been in a relationship? quite a few

Do you find it hard to make friends? yes, unless we have several things in common

If you have any, what are your special interests? fall out boy and anything i was really into when i was little

What was your first special interest? prob warrior cats or lps

What are your most common stims? rocking fwd/side, bobbing my head

If you could give any advice to your younger self, what would it be? keep being cringe its ok

Do you headcanon any characters as autistic? If you want, tell us why you headcanon them as autistic. a lot of characters if they remind me of myself in the autistic ways

Tell us an autistic person that you really look up to. kittydog. shes also my friend but shes one of the people that inspired me to start animating

Are you currently in school? does reading wikipedia pages for 12 hours straight count

Have you ever received any accommodations for your autism in either school or work? my teachers let me listen to music but thats about it

Do you have any autistic friends? i dont think i have any that arent autistic

Do you own any stim toys? Which is your favorite? i have plastic straws to chew on

Do you find it easier to get along with other autistic people? depends on whether or not theyre annoying in the “everything is offensive to me!11!!” way but generally yeah

What kinds of things are sensory hell for you? plastic anything being crinkled and more than one person talking to me

What kinds of things are good sensory wise? music i like and silence

How open are you usually when it comes to being autistic? i mean i told my teachers but they also knew i was trans so

Would you say you're proud to be autistic? yeah i guess so. i see the world differently and i think thats neat

What's the longest you've ever has a special interest for? 10 years i think. i still like homestuck but its not a special interest anymore. i take that back ive liked httyd since it was in theaters

Do you have meltdowns? yes but not publicly

What about shutdowns? really frequently yeah

Do you avoid eye contact? yes unless im doing it to annoy my friends. then suddenly im amazing at eye contact but otherwise if i look someone in the eyes ill be on the verge of tears and i will want to run away

Do you have any vocal stims or echolalia? does singing a single verse over and over again from whatever song im fixated on count?

How long do your special interests usually last for? 2-3 years

Are your friends and/or family accepting of your autism? yeah my mom and i watch people and be like “thats so autistic. theyre like me look theyre making the me face” and we do that for hours

Favorite canon autistic character? hiro hamada, mothflight, all of them...

Do you have a comfort item? If you feel comfortable with it, then show it to us. too lazy to take a picture but a wolf plush my dad gave me when i was 7 i absolutely cannot sleep without it

What are your same foods? microwave meatloaf and chicken alfredo

Foods you are sensitive to (maybe because of bad texture for instance)? pickes, taste is too jarring... also anything chunky in a certain way

Do you enjoy hugs? Or are they sensory hell? depends on the person but i dont like being touched in general so

Have you ever used a weighted blanket? yes theyre great i need one so bad

Do you have routines that you have to follow? What's in your routine? i have to pick up my cat and pet her every single day or else i will be angry the whole day and wont want to talk to anyone

Do you enjoy holidays or are they sensory hell to you? i dont like them. i hide in the bathroom or in the corner the whole time

How good are you at detecting sarcasm? terrible. i either take EVERYTHING as sarcasm or nothing as sarcasm no inbetween

What's the most comfortable/sensory friendly outfit you own? old mental hospital pants and this one specific hoodie ive had for 12 years that somehow still fits me

Do you collect anything related to your special interest? yes

If you date people then would you prefer to date other autistic people? yes

Tell us something about your special interest. eevees. adobe flash. dance dance by fall out boy and let’s dance by five

If you could have any item related to your special interest what would it be? warriors figurines but theyre all how i see them in my head

Who are your favorite autistic bloggers? Say something nice about them. i dont think i follow any neurotypical people if i do i sure as hell dont know about it. i love all of you keep posting

Favorite autistic celebrity? 田尻智。pokemon destroyed my life and im glad it did

Are you generally a loud or quiet person? quiet i suck so bad at verbal speech that i just dont talk 99% of the time lol

Do you happy flap? on occasion

What is your favorite special interest related item you own? Show it to us if you want. all of my toothless (httyd) and bnha merch. i have so much

What's something you find hard to do because of autism? anything that requires extended attention that im not interested in

Free question. Ask anything you want! Any topic at all! can i go to bed...?