#and it’s crazy cause I didn’t even care about him in the pilot but now?

[bag-of-milk69]

GOD I am a mess that last episode was so good

[skellymom]

"I'M YOUR MAN"

Hunter x Jedi Fem Reader Supporting Character. SMUTTY++

Background: This one shot starts out very similar to my "Hunt and Peck" one shot. However, it's not just a Force Sensitive, but an actual Jedi. And, his Batchmates aren't in on the shenanigans. This is the VERY dirty version of "Hunt and Peck" but Hunter goes "solo".

I wanted to write a smutty fic from INSIDE Hunter's head space. We hardly ever really know what's going on in there. Well, now you do!

Word Count: 2.1K

WARNING: Male masturbation, oral sex, genital sex, spit kink, swearing kink, dirty word kink, praise kink, names of various sexual positions, bodily fluids, lots of dirty nasty sexy stuff. Lots of it. Very LEMONY content! 

The Batch finished up their latest mission, picking up a new passenger along the way.  Y/N was a Jedi hitching a ride to a planet they would be passing on the way to Kamino.  She would only be staying a few standard days on the Marauder, and the crew made sure she had a comfortable stay. 

Within two days Hunter was smitten.  He usually kept his infatuations to himself as best he could...ESPECIALLY with female Jedi.  But...well, this one was different...and difficult to ignore.  Of course, he still engaged with her politely and respectfully.  Being a Sergeant and host on this transport, he kept some distance. 

Y/N was attractive.  Not conventionally, as he wouldn’t consider himself attracted to just ANY pretty face.  But she had that...thing.  An essence?  Something that just took him out at the knees.  It was elusive... 

...and she smelled SO GOOD.  Hell, even when she was sweaty, dirty, just got woke up in the morning...heady scent of her body odor with the slightest tang of her sex... 

Hunter shifted in the pilot’s seat.  His armor codpiece felt tight.  Dammit, he NEEDED to stop getting distracted.  He was supposed to be sitting watch on the ship. 

Technically Echo was to stand this shift.  However, he was under the weather and now lying down like the rest of his brothers. 

Hunter could hear Crosshair breathing, Echo’s ticking mechanical heart, and smell Tech’s drool...as he slept face down with mouth open.  Wreckers' snores were like a power tool, until his sleep apnea kicked in. Hunter would count the seconds unconsciously holding his own breath too...until Wrecker finally inhaled. 

Hunter inhaled deeply just thinking about it... 

...until Y/N sighed in her sleep.  The sound brought his attention back to the heat and tightness in his groin.  Hunter’s cock was now becoming painful with an intense pressure against his codpiece. 

Oh STARS!  How did the other Clones deal with this???  Commander Bly following Aayla Secura around while she exposed all that beautiful blue skin.  Or Deepa Billoba with her pretty braids and deep scarlet lips... 

...then there was his first crush: Shaak Ti.  A tall stunning Togruta with her long montrals and head tails. 

DANK FERRICK!  Y/N did look at him a lot and smiled. He could sense her body reacting to him MUCH differently than his brothers.  The thrumming of her presence on his senses.  Something he guessed was her Force sensitivity.  It would tickle his nerve endings and make him shiver...in a VERY good way.  Was Y/N flirting with the Force?  Hunter wasn’t exactly sure.  Was that even ALLOWED? 

Hunter ripped the codpiece off and tossed it onto the Marauder’s dash.  His girthy engorged cock staining through his blacks...and leaving a wet spot.   

These Jedi women are going to be the death of me! 

Who was he kidding...WOMEN drove him crazy!!! 

The last thing Hunter wanted was to cause any trouble...especially with a Jedi. 

He had to take care of this situation...and put IT to “rest” ...NOW. 

Walking back to the refresher wasn’t an option.  He didn’t want to wake anyone, and he was supposed to be on watch. 

Listening again, Hunter could perceive everyone was asleep and accounted for.  He slid down comfortably in the pilot’s chair.  Noting that Tech left one of his hand rags for mechanical maintenance hanging up in the cockpit, Hunter grabbed it for clean up later. 

Looking around and listening one last time, Hunter gently rolled down his blacks and released his cock.  Its meaty girthiness sprung up at attention.  Uncut and big enough to satisfy, but not so large as to be painful.  Poor Wrecker...Hunter thought fleetingly.  So big he must hold back constantly to not injure.  Gotta be stressful.  People would give Hunter shit for being the smallest of the group.  Heh, average ain’t bad.  Especially since he exceeded at technique. 

What was the saying on Kamino?  Yeah...It’s not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean. 

The head of his penis peeked out from the uncut foreskin.  Hunter smoothed his thumb through the large drop of precum and rubbed gentle circles on the top of his cock.  He shivered from the sensation but held back a gentle moan.  He needed to be extra quiet.  Keeping his mouth shut, Hunter also regulated his breathing. 

Next, he cupped his cock in hand and gently but firmly pulled back his foreskin.  Then he gave his shaft a few good pumps. 

... A very feminine scent wafted from the pallet Y/N was sleeping on the bunk room floor.  She must have been having a hell of a dream...as Hunter could smell her wet arousal.  To her credit, she was extremely quiet. 

The smell drove him crazy.  More precum leaked from his cock.   

Hunter closed his eyes and imagined what it would be like to bury his face in Y/N’s pussy.  He inhaled her scent and pictured himself licking and sucking her clit.  How she would look from that point of view.  Staring up over her mons pubis to see her writhe and sweat.  Hair messed, face and chest flushed as he teased her to orgasm over and over again.  Screaming his name, asking for more.  

FUCK, he LOVED EATING PUSSY!  LOVED watching his lovers lose themselves in ecstasy.  Loved when they praised his talent for the job.   

And, if they wanted to be fingered while he dined, he happily obliged.  Gently of course...unless she insisted on it being rough.  He followed directions very well and kept the channels of communication open.  How many fingers?  How’s that feel?  You like how I’m fingering you?  Tell me.  I wanna hear you tell me.  Yeah...whatever you want.  I’m your man.  Mmmm...You’re so FUCKING beautiful!  

Pumping his cock, occasionally coming up to rub the leaking precum across his head and frenulum with his thumb.  The mental image fueling his desire and the tingling of his penis. 

Hunter also LOVED breasts.  Big, small, he serviced them all.  Lick them, kiss, twist, cup.  But, he wasn’t in a hurry.  No, Hunter wanted to appreciate the other parts of his lover's body and work his way there.   

Nibbling Y/N’s thighs, tender kisses on her stomach.  Women worry too much about their bellies.  Who the fuck made them feel so insecure?  Hunter wasn’t gonna get mad.  He didn’t have time for that.  Bring that belly here and let me worship it.  The asshole that made you feel bad about that part of your body isn’t here...I AM.  Look me right in the eyes.  Yeah, hold that eye contact.  Listen to me.  I’m gonna make your body SING tonight.  I wanna make you feel desirable...’cause you are.  Now, grab my hair if you feel ya gotta hold on tight!  

Pumped his wet cock a bit more... 

AND ASSES!  All sizes.  Firm and jiggly...flat and flabby... 

Fuck the guy who told you your ass wasn’t pretty.  Probably the same dipshit who razzed you about your other body parts. 

I’m here to tell ya:  Your body parts make my cock wanna give you a standing ovation.  I’ll happily kiss ANYTHING on your body, if it’ll get you off.  Even the stuff you might be worried is too nasty and dirty.  I’ll be as clean as you request or dirty as ya care to ask for. 

Hunter needed to stay on track.  All the blood was rushing to his lower extremities, making him a bit punch drunk.  His eyes were half closed with horniness. 

And he needed a bit more lubrication. Hunter leaned over his swollen member and spit on it delicately. The extra slide felt amazing. 

Oh yeah...Hunter was getting ahead of himself.  In his mind Y/N requested he kiss and suckle her breasts. In his mind, she moaned and raked at his back. Mmmmhmm...I wanna hear you. Tell me how much you like this. He moved up to lavish her neck with kisses, grinding his slippery member through her sex. The sound was loud and wet. Smells sooo good. Whispering in her ear, pressing his nose against her cheek You feel so good! FUCK...Hunter shivered, his cock twitching with anticipation. 

Are you ready for me?  Yeah?  Gonna take my time, okay?  I’m in no hurry...unless you WANT me to fuck you hard and put you away wet?  I aim to please.  So swollen and hard right now...could grab you around the legs, hoist ya up, and nail ya silly.  Missionary?  Doggie style?  Cowgirl?  Reverse Cowgirl?  Vertical or Horizonal, I’m strong enough to get ya there.  

No?  Ok.  Just give me the word.  And I’ll take it nice...and easy.  

Hunter slowed down the momentum on his cock.  Stroking gently to prolong his arousal and not cum too soon.    

What about me, you say?  Heh...REALLY enjoying my time with you.  I’m a man of variety.  Whatever you want, I’m along for...ahem...the ride.  However long it takes. 

You wanna suck my cock?  Well...chuckles...I won’t say NO to a good blow.  Just ask you tease me a bit.  He imagined the wet softness of Y/N’s mouth on his member.  Swirling her tongue over his head, shaft... 

...her hand firmly gripping his balls and he gripped them now... 

...pumping his cock...gathering momentum. 

Wanna blow my seed in your cunt, while I’m holding you.  Full body skin on skin contact while I’m inside you.  My uncut foreskin rubbing your pink jellybean clit while my cock caresses your G-spot.  Bonus if I get to taste your mouth while you moan into mine. 

Hunter lifted his pelvis off the seat, bracing his legs and abdomen...adding pressure to his core and the root of his sex.  He slid his cock back and forth through his wet hand, gritting his teeth, and sweating. 

I’ll do EVERYTHING in my power to take you over the edge ONE more time before I do.  I got the stamina to fuck, suck, and caress you all night if it’s what you request of me.  Over and over again. 

I’m YOUR MAN. 

As Hunter came, a very sudden and explosive scream erupted from the bunk room!   

Hunter let go of his scrotum and slapped a hand over his mouth to hold back his violent moans.  An intense, warm orgasm shot through his body. Hunter came SO HARD it hit the ceiling of the Marauder’s cockpit with an audible THUMP! A climax so sudden and strong, he shook and was unable to stand. 

The bunk room erupted in chaos. Wrecker had fallen off the top bunk from sheer terror. Tech started awake and flung his datapad across the room...hitting Crosshair in the head. Only Echo remained unscathed as he slipped unaided by his prosthetics from the bottom bunk to the Jedi’s pallet on the floor. 

He put his one intact arm around the Jedi. “Ma’am, are you ok?” 

She, sweating, flushed, and breathing heavily, “Oh...” stammered, “A dream.” 

“Sounded like a NIGHTMARE!” Wrecker recovered from his fall. 

The Jedi laughed nervously. 

Tech finally found his goggles amongst the bedcovers, slapped them on, and ran to the refresher. “I’ll retrieve a glass of water for our guest.” 

Crosshair rubbed the goose egg developing on his forehead. “Bring a bacta patch while you’re in there too!” 

“Where the HELL is HUNTER???” Echo thundered. 

On command Hunter slid into the bunk room. “What happened? Must have fallen asleep on watch!” 

Echo turned to Hunter “Our Guest gave us quite a scare.” He looked puzzled as Hunter NEVER fell asleep on watch. “Due to a dream.” 

Tech ran in and handed the Jedi a full canteen of water and a small towelette for her sweaty brow.  

“Thank you, Tech.” She dabbed herself and sipped from the canteen...purposely keeping her eyes averted from the Sergeant. 

“Bacta patch?” Crosshair growled at Tech. 

“I ONLY have two hands, Crosshair!” Tech sassed his way back to the refresher. 

“Looking a little FLUSHED too, Hunter. Sure you’re FEELING well? Crosshair sneered. 

Hunter was just about to tell Crosshair to shut his pie hole when the Jedi interrupted. “I... think I’m ready to go back to sleep.” 

“Alright.” Echo got back into his bunk. “You need ANYTHING, we’re right here.” 

“I’m feeling better now.” She sighed.  "Thank you Echo."

Wrecker leaned down and handed Lula to Y/N. “Lula will help you sleep the rest of the night.” 

“Thank you, Wrecker.” 

Crosshair sneered at Hunter who turned to go back to his watch station. 

Tech unpeeled the bacta patch and slapped it over Crosshair’s pie hole, then turned out the lights.

Next morning the Marauder landed at the Jedi’s destination. She thanked The Batch and descended the gangplank. Sergeant Hunter was the last to say goodbye and salute her. 

“I must thank you, btw.” She blushed demurely and smiled. 

Hunter looked confused and glanced to see where his Batchmates were at. They had already retreated into the ship, preparing to leave the planet. 

“Uh...for what?” 

“For being...MY MAN... last night.” 

Hunter blushed crimson red... speechless but had SO MANY questions. 

“I know what you’re thinking Sergeant. Jedi CAN have...relations. They just can’t be possessive attachments. And... technically we never physically touched...” 

She winked and walked away towards her destination. 

And that was how Hunter was literally mind-fucked by a Jedi. 

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[fairlylocalkatiee]

Hello bestie! Can I request a fic where reader meets josh and Tyler at a gig and they dance together eventually exchanging numbers and going on a date? I don’t care which member it is lol I need a surprise 😊

HI BESTIE TY FOR MY FIRST REQUEST (I haven’t written fanfic in a very long time so bear with me !!!)

Word count: 904

Warnings: mention of drinking (reader is 21+) nothing else except some fluffy fluff (also I invented this venue in my head lol)

Chance Encounter — Tyler Joseph x Reader

|-/

The sound of the loud music pumping through the venue made you smile as you made your way into your favorite Friday night haunt, The Outsiders.

Even by yourself you always had a good time listening to the local bands that came to play at the venue. You didn’t really know any of the bands playing tonight but you had heard good things from your friends about one called Twenty One Pilots.

Making your way to the bar you got yourself your favorite drink and headed toward the front of the stage, where a captivating all female band played a cover of the song Zombie.

You lost yourself in the music, closing your eyes and letting your body sway to the chorus.

Everything was going great until you felt a random shove from behind, causing your drink to fly out of your hand and spill onto the floor.

Turning abruptly you came face to face with the softest brown eyes apologetically looking at you.

“I am so sorry, my friend and I were just roughhousing- I didn’t mean to bump into you… can I buy you another drink?” He asked, running his hands through his short brown hair.

He was wearing a short sleeved white button up and dark jeans. Casual but he was making it work. You felt yourself blush realizing how cute he was.

“I would like that, thanks.” You smiled.

He reached his hand out to you and you gently took it as he led you back to the bar. Feeling his warm hand in yours sent tingles up your spine.

“I’m Tyler by the way.”

“(Y/N).” You smiled at him as he ordered your drink.

“Now I have to confess it was actually my friend Josh’s crazy idea to bump into you… he saw how I was admiring you as you danced, I’m really embarrassed about it honestly.” He said with a nervous laugh, “but I didn't mean to spill your drink, I swear.”

“I believe you,” you laughed along with him, “sad to waste a perfectly good drink but I think it was for the better.” You said, realizing you were leaning closer and closer to each other as you talked.

“Want to catch the last few songs with me?” He stood up abruptly and reached for your hand again, you let him lead you back to the dance floor in front of the stage.

The band was playing an original song now, and you felt your self confidence building as you sipped your drink and began dancing along to the music with Tyler.

“Do you know any of the bands playing tonight?” He asked, you shook your head. “Not really, I heard some good things about one of the bands, though… twenty one pilots I think they’re called but I haven’t listened to them at all.”

“Oh yeah, you totally should! They rock. I love them!” He smiled brightly at you and your heart beat faster in your chest.

The world around you faded into a blur as you danced together, feeling the electricity between you as his hands found your waist, pulling you closer to him.

His lips brushing your ear as he leaned forward and spoke, “You’re a great dancer,” you smiled and leaned into him, “Only with good company”.

“That was our set, Thankyou all!” The lead singer shouted into the mic playing the last few notes on her guitar.

“I’ll be right back,” Tyler said reluctantly, pulling away from you.

He grabbed his friend from earlier who was talking animatedly nearby surrounded by several women and disappeared into the crowd.

“I really hope he actually comes back” you said to yourself with a sigh, thinking about how much you enjoyed talking and dancing with him. You’d never felt an instant connection with anyone like that before.

“Next up is our headlining band, Twenty One Pilots!” They announced, beckoning them onto the stage.

You looked around trying to find Tyler, hoping he would be back to watch the next set with you, but your eyes locked on a familiar figure on the stage.

It was him!

You felt your heart in your throat as you realized the guy you’d been flirting with all night was the lead singer of the band your friends told you about.

He started to sing and his eyes locked onto yours in the crowd, smiling at you.

“Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed I said I had no idea who they were!” You wanted to run into the corner and hide, but you resisted the urge.

Throughout the entire set Tyler’s eyes found you several times, and each time you felt your heart flutter. You glued yourself to your spot in front of the stage as the crowd filled out behind you, dancing and singing to the music.

You stood mesmerized as he sang, impressed by him and his friend Josh’s fantastic drumming. At the end of the setlist the crowd roared with cheers as Tyler took the mic one last time.

“Thankyou everyone! We’re Twenty One Pilots! And I have just one more quick thing…” Tyler’s eyes found yours again in the crowd , “(Y/N) I know we just met but I really want to take you out on a date. Will you go out with me?” He reached his hand out for you and pulled you onto the stage and you fell into his arms where they wrapped around your waist.

“Yes of course I will, Tyler!” The crowd erupted in whoops and cheers.

——

I hope you all enjoyed my first Tyler moment it’s short but since I haven’t written in so long I needed to dip my toes in. lol. Requests are open for anything ! Fluff, smut, Angst, for both boys!! Love yall ‼️🥰 (also is the formatting weird I wrote and posted this with my phone lol)

[retnym]

WORLD TOUR- .12

"Do you think sometimes they're catching on?"

We were now heading to the United States. Flying together on our official private jet. It was crazy that our tour is being partnered with so many big companies. Of course, that means we have to do more interviews along with doing ads for these companies. The others still have no idea about Tom and me. They just know we’re actually being nice to each other now with hints of us still arguing but it was to make sure they didn’t think anything. 

On the jet, it was super open so we couldn’t do anything even if we wanted to. Since Johanna and Gustav were dating now they sat next to each other and Spring Roll sat with them, Georg and Bill sat next to each other because they needed to plan out a thing on stage for our shows. Which left Tom and I next to each other much to our disagreement. (Just joking we didn’t argue about it at all.)

I did tell everyone about what Jace did and who he did it with. When Tom found out who it was with he wanted to say something to them but we talked him out of it since it was just going to bring more drama on our end which is something we don’t need. His ex was an attention whore and it’s something she wants so we weren’t going to give it to her. 

Tom and I were having fun behind closed doors. Whenever we got left alone with each other we snuck kisses and make-outs. I was still pretty stick on the no-sex thing. I need to make sure he’s serious this time. If he makes it through the whole tour I’ll know he wants me. He can’t put that much effort and like being blue-balled for nothing. 

I also told him if we’re not exclusive then again this is nothing and I’ll end it right away. 

“Do you think sometimes they’re catching on?” I whispered to Tom, he looked up from his phone since we haven’t taken off yet he was just updating our managers and his parents. “Hm?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Do you think they question us?” I try to stop the smile that sneaks up on my lips just by looking at his face. It’s different now that I don’t have to push down my feelings anymore. Everything he does makes me happy. It’s honestly annoying.

“Mm, I don’t think so. I feel like not unless we’re affectionate. Which we’re not.” He tells me but his words are slow as he was trying to focus on texting as well. But then he stops and looks up at me. “I can always fix that though.” He winks, and I roll my eyes. 

“I want to kiss you.” I sigh, leaning back in my chair. He glances around, and just as he does Johanna and Gustav look up at us. We smiled and waved like goofs like we couldn’t just talk normally and they’d hear us. They did it back so at least we’re not the only goofs here.

“I would say just do it but we got nosy people here.” He inhales sharply as he adjusts himself in his seat. “Why don’t we just kiss now and we can like gaslight them that it didn’t happen?” I smile and he shakes his head as he laughs. “If you want to.” Is all he says and I bite my bottom lip.

“Oh, you’re really thinking about it?” He teases, poking my side causing me to giggle.

“As much as I like the secret. I really do want your lips on mine.” I thank the lord that the airplane is so loud because if it wasn’t I just know the others would’ve heard everything I said. 

“You’re so obsessed with me.” He smirks. “Shut up.” I pull up the blanket that was folded on my lap, lifting it up and unfolding it to put it over the both of us just as the Pilot makes an announcement that we’re on our way to lift off now. 

I take Tom’s arm, the whole plane knows how I feel about lift-off, turbulence, and landing. I don’t do well so this touch won’t mean much to them. I hope.

“Woah, it’s okay.” He laughs as I practically hug his arm, leaning my head on his shoulder. 

The jet started speeding up and then the front of it was in the air. The rest of it followed along but I squeezed my eyes shut, gripping Tom. I heard the others laughing at me but I did not care. I even felt them recording just because I know how they are. 

“It’s alright.” He whispers in my ear. It felt more comforting knowing that it was him letting me hold on to it. I missed this.

But no matter how much I miss this I’m still reminded about what happened beforehand. How he ended it so fast. I just want to know what made him change his mind. What made him think he was ready now. Is he really ready? I trusted Jace and look where that got me.

I’m trusting him now but what’s truly stopping him from going to another woman. To change his mind and fucking other women. Leading me on and nothing comes from it. We go back to hating each other. We go back to that, then it’s a cycle. We fall in love, I fall into the trap and get sucked in.

The thought makes my chest heave up and down rapidly. Suddenly I’m having a panic attack as I feel like I can’t breathe. I can’t keep oxygen in my lungs.

Tom lifts me up, sitting up straight and he holds my shoulders. “Hey, hey, focus on me.” He whispers. “Come here.” He pulls me into a tight hug, my ear on the middle of his chest. “Listen to my heart, c’mon.” I started hyperventilating as tears stream down my face. “I’m sorry.” I kept repeating, it didn’t feel like it was calming down at all. Bill and Georg finally noticed and watched it go down. Every time my eyes glanced over to them their faces were filled with worry. 

My body aches from the tension. My body felt stiff as I lay mainly on Tom. “[Name], you’re okay. Listen to me.” He pets my hair like a dog and as much as I want to laugh and make fun of him I’m currently trying to reteach myself on how to breathe.

“I didn’t know you were this frightened of flying.” He whispers to me and I let out a shaky breath. I want to tell him that it’s pretty bad when it comes to flights but I would be lying about what that panic attack was really all about. “Yeah,” I exhale, of course, I went with lying. Are you dumb?

I could not have a serious conversation with him in front of everyone.

That’s nuts.

So you don’t get to see the rest of the airplane trip. 

“Welcome to Detroit, Michigan!” A flight attendant says with a strong smile. It was like she had her face glued like that. It must suck having to smile like that all the time. But at the same, I heard this job pays well as hell. 

Also, we know what it’s like to not be home very often. As much as that sucks you get to see the world with this job. 

“Ah! I’m so excited. We get to see my family!” I grin, looking up at them as we walked down the steep ass steps off the jet. “Isn’t your Cousin picking us up?” Georg asks, trying to remind himself of what I told everyone. “Yes, her and maybe her lover.” I wiggle my eyebrows. Johanna snorts, her lover is actually her best friend and they are not lovers but they sure act like it. But it’s the early 2000’s and my family is kind of homophobic. 

“Her lover?” Bill tilts his head, I just smile at him and continue walking. I heard him turn to ask Johanna but she just shrugs. 

So I would like to apologize. I was in a Manic episode and I didn't catch it in time. I just did some impulsive ass things this week. I chose to stay in a whole different state for another month. Also, quit my job lmao. So I'm getting back into writing!!!! Woo!! I started another story so if you like The Walking Dead and Daryl Dixon you should check that out. I might start another story in a different fandom since this story only really has 3 more chapters! Thank you to all who have read this and enjoyed my writing, I'm sorry that I was just going through it during all of this lol. It seems like every fanfic writer gets into some horrible things once they write a story like god damn.

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Gundam Witch From Mercury Season 2 Episode 7 Review

- I’d like to get off of Prospera Mercury’s wild ride

- Miorine is finally going to Earth, not to escape her life rife with politics, but instead to try and bolster her image. Meanwhile Guel seems pensive to go back. His small time on Earth changed him into a new man, one that doesn’t have a home in either space or on earth. Meanwhile Kenanji, a professional, has no outwardly displayed anxieties and instead just cracks a joke. He’s been immersed in the dark underbelly of Spacian and Earthian conflict so he’s used to the large pressure everyone’s under

- Martin became Secelia’s water boy and I love it. Okouchi got Quentin Tarantino and Dan Schneider in the writing room for that scene. But for as abrasive as she is, Secelia gives some good advice. Martin can’t spend forever wallowing I’m his guilt. He needs to be upfront with his feelings and accept that sometimes, you just gotta do something, even if it hurts

- Guel recognizing Sedo and chasing after him, leaving Miorine to fend for herself was a dumb move, but a realistic one. He wants to reconnect with a proper relationship this time. Plus, it seems like Guel just has a soft spot for kids in general. However, him chasing after Sedo gave him an important piece of information. That Shaddiq was the one ordered the terrorist attacks that got his dad killed, and boy is Guel pissed. I want to see him 5 v 1 Shaddiq’s squad (Renee and Felsi can fight it out alone) and gain his position as the best pilot in the WFM verse

- Speaking of Shaddiq, this man is the biggest fucking “nice guy” I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t even see Miorine as a human, just a perfect porcelain doll that needs saving. Nothing can be her fault, it must be everyone else’s. Which is even bigger cap because he was the one who let Guel abuse Miorine for two school years and didn’t do anything about it. Asshole. He hates Guel for “dirtying” his precious waifu, even though she’s told him to get bent already. He didn’t care about her dying during the Plant Quetta accident because she would have died with his image of her intact, but now he’s left coping and seething.

- Lauda is similarly coping and seething by thinking that Miorine is ruining his older brother. He just hasn’t realized that Guel has grown independent, and Lauda needs to as well.

- The meeting between Miorine and the Earthian representatives was very interesting. Miorine brought up job prospects, but the Earthians don’t care about that. They want people to stop assaulting, murdering, and taking advantage of them! It’s only until Miorine brings them something that can truly help, medical equipment, that they listen to her. But they still aren’t ready to support her because she has no real power. Sadly the small amount of trust they built up was destroyed due to Prospera’s machinations.

- Suletta truly embodying the tanuki she is by digging through the trash, but luckily, Chuchu comes to help her once again and bring her to her friends. Earth House loves her, and they’ll support her through thick and thin. And through this support, she realizes that Eri loves her too. She wants to protect her from the war and violence that she and Prospera will be inflicting. And now, Suletta is motivated to move forward properly and gain a life of her own.

- I’ve been fawning over Till since the fourth episode cause I think quiet boys are cute, but he fucking stabbed me with that hair down look. He’s such a good person, stating that Nika should be the one to tell them, and supporting Martin but not babying him. He supports Miorine on her business ventures, helped Suletta talk to Miorine, and is just an overall calming presence. Top 3 best boy, next to Guel and El5n

- And speaking of El5n, that scene in the prison room was engineered to make me go crazy. Norea is going crazy locked up in that room, only being able to think about Sophie’s death, her loneliness, and her mortality. The drawings that once comforted her are just black scribbles, showing her mental state. When El5n picks up the discarded book for fun, he passes by the dark pictures and lays his eyes on a beautiful lakefront. A life El5n never had, and a life that was cruelly taken away from Norea. They’re both just children, but they’ve been forced to bear the dark and ugly sides of the world instead of the beautiful ones. And in that moment, El5n fully understands and falls for her. He focused so much on his own life, but now he has someone else to protect. A hurt girl with no future, much like El4n, who he couldn’t save.

- As Norea screams at Nika and El5n to die, for everyone to die, she breaks down, realizing she really doesn’t want any death. She didn’t want Sophie, her almost-sister to die in such a horrible way. She doesn’t want to die for some cause that’s way grander than her. She wants a happy life indulging in the simple beauties of Earth. And El5n, someone who understands longing for a happy life despite fate’s cruel jokes, holds her hand and comforts her. The two loneliest people have found each other, and as El5n recognizes her pain, he may bow to stay with her. For someone who said he’ll live no matter what, how tragic yet poignant would it be if he sacrificed his life for Norea? I would cry my ass off. I just want them to live in a lake house, Norea making art while El5n reads books from his predecessor’s library.

- RIP Feng. She worked hard to find a way without fighting and gave Miorine a helping hand. She sniffed out the corruption in the Space League but it came too late. As she struggles from the pain the gunshot gave her, she pushes Belmeria to act. To stop looking away from the pain she’s caused and to truly make a difference for the better.

- Prospera herself doesn’t support the new Ochs Earth, using the distraction she started to destroy the Gundam facility. Prospera acts in her and Eri’s own interest. She doesn’t care about the hundreds of lives she just ruined with her plan. Those lives don’t matter to her as much as her daughter.

- But Miorine cares. As much as she tries to act distanced, she cares. It’s why she gave Suletta a tomato and searched for a way to save lives with GUND-Arm. Miorine cares for others and now in her eyes, she’s caused immense suffering. She went to build up herself, but in that moment, she realized that she should have cared more for the struggling people. With Guel going off on his own revenge play, Miorine is now alone. But Suletta will support her. Just like how Earth House believes in Nika, Suletta will believe in her.

I’m not ready for next episode. Guel and Grassley are going to conflict, Norea will go even more off the deep end, and Miorine will be on her own once again, before she met Suletta.

[dismightyman]

I finally have the time so imma drop some Vice stats cause she deserves it (this is gonna be long I’m sorry)

She’s 5’9 and honestly a little bitter about it cause her whole family was like 6’4 and above

Not many scars as most of the time she’s behind the wheel or in the air

Which doesn’t mean she can’t absolutely destroy someone when she wants too, she just doesn’t get the opportunity as often as the other Taskforce members

She prefers to be on the ground in a vehicle to flying. She’s an okay pilot but is truly a wizard behind the wheel.

She has a very dry sense of humor, so occasionally in the middle of an op you might hear her make a comment about the weather or talk about what’s happening like it’s rush hour in a busy city and not an active war zone.

She is very ride or die, the minute she feels like she’s found her forever home in the taskforce she is down to fuck shit up for any member of her team, zero hesitation.

Her love language is definitely giving gifts lol as soon as she feels like she’s been accepted into the taskforce she’s constantly giving people things, nothing crazy. But she’ll start carrying specific bands of cigarettes for the smokers, she’ll grab food from the mess and bring it to people just so they don’t have to walk all the way there. She’ll have Hair ties for the people with longer hair just in case they need it. It’s her version of showing she cares, that she’s thinking of them.

Her grandfather was a bit of a figiter so he taught her how to use scrap and bend metal and make little things to pass the time, eventually she got really good at making origami with really thin sheets of scrap. After a bad mission those will end up in the hands of her team too, tho not as open as the cigarettes. It’s too close to home for her to acknowledge our load but the team knows it’s her.

And now the origins lol

Growing up her dad was a criminal who helped move “product” for whoever had the cash for it and her mom was not in the picture.

So she lived with her grandfather most of the time. He was an old Vietnam veteran pilot (which is where the teeth came from lol) and taught her everything she knows about machines, inside and out. He was all she had most of the time and loved him to pieces. Her sense of humor, her wit, almost everything she was, was based around him. She did everything he did, fixed cars, flew the frankly death trap of a helo that he managed to get a hold of and fix up. Even did a little boonies racing with the boys when she was old enough.

Occasionally her dad would make appearances, a few weeks at a time and before she knew any better he had passed on some of his “magic” as he called it. Slight of hand, how to make something “Disappear”, how to add some special pockets to things. She started carrying her dads brand of cigarettes in her pockets-

(Lucky strikes. He always thought that was funny. “A little extra luck never hurt anybody” he’d say with a grin.)

-Hoping every time she could maybe get him to stick around a little longer if she was useful. When that didn’t work she’d pack around more things. His favorite whisky, gum, you name it. He’d just pat her on the head and keep moving to greener pastures.

It wasn’t until after he got caught up in the scene and was killed that she saw that “magic” for what is was. He was trying to teach her to be just like him, to take up the “family” business. It disgusted her but she realized this skill was all she really had left of her dad and she could never break the habit. Always kept a pack of Luckies on her, just in case.

Just before she graduated high school her grandfather passed away, it was his time but still it was devastating. He was her everything and now she had no one. So in an effort to keep his memory close and find some semblance of community she joined the army.

She kinda floated for a while, making some friends here and there but not really finding the family she craved. For the most part she kept her skills to her self. The driving and her “magic”. Didn’t want to stand out, to make herself different from the people she’d gotten used to. Sometime in the middle of all that her squad mates noticed her penchant for making things disappear and reappear. It was almost muscle memory for her at that point, she didn’t even realize she was doing it.

One night, they were out on patrol when one of her squad was mentioning wanting a drink and out of nowhere Vice produced a little shooter. Everyone was flabbergasted, eventually someone made a joke about what else she had and suddenly a pack of cigarettes, a can of chew, and two more shooters appeared. After that they’d just ask her what’s on the menu when they wanted something.

Thus Vice was born.

(that’s kinda all I’ve come up with lol I’m not sure how she joins the taskforce so I’ll have to think on that but here’s a deep dive on my girl)

[yadigokbaby]

The Outsiders (TV series 1990) - Pilot

Summary / Key Plot Points (events not in order)

Introduction

- begins with an establishing shot of Dally’s (Matt Dillon) scene of fleeing then getting gunned down by police.

-the show opens at Dally’s burial service. Johnny Cade didn’t receive one? (The sad possibility of his parents not having one for him, or just lazy writing, Heh)

-Ponyboy is narrating about the crazy week, commenting about how Dally and a soc died. No reference to Johnny.

-only the gang, and a couple (unnamed extras? Maybe Buck?) are at the burial service. Tim Shepard pulls up late, the show sets him up to be “Dally’s replacement” as he plays a pretty significant angsty role in the pilot.

State Child Welfare Checks

- Welfare lady (Barbra) shows up for their scheduled checkup, Pony wrote down the wrong time, giving no time for the brothers to clean the house or prepare.

-Barbra comments about them losing their parents and bills.

-Ponyboy staying in school, the brothers staying out of trouble and having a good home environment allows Darry to keep custody.

-Barbra shares that their friendship with Dallas almost cost the Curtis’ their court case, and to stay away from Tim, knowing Dally was friends with him.

Lewis

- is Darry’s seemingly wealthy college friend (who also dropped out) offers him a roofing job. Which doesn’t last long, Darry gets fired for being behind schedule. He takes pride in good work, rather than half-assed. Lewis doesn’t seem like a bad guy, just on a tight schedule, as he even tries to speak to Darry after the fact at a football game.

Cherry & Socs

-Cherry is still snubbing Pony at school when asked to borrow her notes, which he then receives later that day (at the Dingo / Jays?) with no interesting dialog. Just an apology.

-Cherry calls Tim worse than Dallas, which he takes pride in, saying their contest on who is worse, is now over.

-socs’ approach them because of Cherry’s presence. Which leads to a drag race in Steve’s car.

-the race scene ultimately establishes discrimination the cops have against greasers, as they’re hassled more than the socs once pulled over.

-cop tells Tim to be careful or he could turn into Dally. The comment causes Tim to want to “get a cop first”

Rumble

-Tim infiltrates a rumble at an old warehouse after some socs attacked Pony.

-Tim proceeds to pressure Darry into attending, which he refuses because it could cost him his brothers.

-The Curtis’ end up attending after Tim’s pressure. Pony feels betrayed that Darry would risk them. Which causes Darry to shove him to the ground twice in retaliation.

-Tim ends up getting arrested for holding a cop at gun point after the rumble. The Curtis brothers flee.

Buck

- is introduced as the gang celebrates Darry’s new job. Buck comments on Dally’s death. Tells the boys about his scar down the right of his torso from Korea (Vietnam War) Soda and Steve comment about wanting to enlist.

“Scout”

-short-tempered girl is seen fighting a boy at school (later identified as Scout) that boy (unidentified extra) is a young Leonardo DiCaprio.

-on the way home from Bucks, Pony strays away and stumbles upon Johnny Cade.2— Scout (Belinda), who is whimpering in some debris. She explains that her father is an abusive drunk. They end up talking about books, which Pony gives her the nickname from To Kill a Mocking Bird.

Johnny Cade

-IS FINALLY REFERENCED 47 MINUTES IN! when Pony and Scout are walking down some tracks (think Stand By Me) Pony explains that Johnny and him used to go there.

“he died in a fire, I got out in time, but he didn’t.”

-“Johnny Cade failed a grade, teachers thought he was plain dumb, but he was my best friend”

-cue “nothing gold can stay” & “we’re so different for watching sunsets”

Episode Ending

-show closes with the brothers racing down the street, they make-up and promise they won’t fight anymore.

Mildly Interesting Extras & Filler

-Two-bit is the best part imo, actor fits the character perfectly.

-“Man, I dunno why I bother going to school, anyway. Nothin’ better to do. Might as well dissect a frog. I mean.. how long have I been in 10th grade anyway?” - Two-Bit

-Pony is setting up pins in back at the bowling alley, Two-Bit is there for some reason and they proceed to try to peep up a girl soc’s twirling skirt. A boy with her notices and aims a bowling ball at them, which makes Two crawl from the void and tackle the guy. (Why is he so mad when he’s the perv lmao)

Inconstancies / Nitpicks

-Ponyboy’s hair is not bleached despite beginning right after the movie/book events.

-Not a single reference to the church / Pony, Johnny and Dally saving those kids, or them being local hero’s.

-no one seems to give a shit or show any kind of sadness towards Johnny’s death in the pilot.

-I don’t think Tim could persuade Darry that easily, especially considering the great risk of his little brothers.

-The pilot more so blames Dally’s death on being a troubled hood. Despite his mental break being from Johnny’s death, leading to his own. Maybe that’s just the way I interpreted it.

Anyways, no one asked for this. But here’s a summary to save 1 hour, 10 minutes, and 55 seconds of your life. There’s more filler and other minor things in the pilot not worth taking note of.

[vintagemulti]

rainfall (part four)

parings: bradley “rooster” bradshaw x pilot!reader

desc: this was the mission someone wasn’t coming back from; you were sure of it. you just hoped to god it wasn’t the man you loved.

warnings: swearing, angst, alcohol, sad bradley bc that is a warning itself, two oblivious idiots it’s painful, self-loathing/mental health struggles

a/n: ellie going back to her roots and doing a filler chapter for chapter four😵‍💫 i only plan on this being like 6/7 parts btw, this won’t be a long as my other series (which u should 100% read if you’re into moonknight) but i’ll see how ur goes. disclaimer that i know nothing about the navy or planes. also reblogs to wayyyyy more than likes so…

series masterlist

masterlist

if you didn’t understand the rules of american football before, it was no exaggeration to say that you were completely lost now. what could you say? you were never into sports as a child.

all you managed to gather was this - bradley was on your team, pass to him. don’t let someone take the ball and if someone has the ball; take it from them.

both of those things, at once. god, this was brutal.

it was too hot, too muggy - even though you were only wearing shorts and a sports bra, you still felt like you needed to strip and dive into an ice cold pool. maverick was crazy for making you do this in this heat; did he want you all to get heatstroke?

“are we ready to play?” he yelled from the opposite team’s side, whistle hanging from his lips.

“ready… go!”

and the game began - the boys instantly crashing int each other, because apparently none of them were taught that it’s just a game and that no, it’s not actually that deep.

but you wouldn’t try to tell them that, not now, anyways.

“rainfall, here!” fanboy called, throwing the ball straight to you.

catching it, you froze. who did you throw it to again? oh, yeah, bradley.

“rooster,” you called, aiming at him and throwing.

pheonix laughed from beside you, her memory of your god awful football skills serving her well. really - there was a million other sports you could play, but american football really, truly, was not one.

payback came into your field of view, charging at you full force. it took you a whole second to decide that no, it was not worth trying to defend it, and you should just get out of the goddamn way.

you stood back for a moment - watching everyone around you smiling and completely immersed in the game, even maverick was playing; his duties surrounding the mission completely slipping his mind.

and it was in that exact moment that you felt completely, utterly, wholly useless.

it didn’t happen a lot - the feeling you had. sure, you’d struggled with depression in your teenage years, but it was something you’d gotten help for - you were better.

but in a job like this, where you were so used to having control over everything, the moments where you felt useless and unwanted hit harder than ever.

so you did what your therapist had told you to do all those years ago - walk away. you walked away from the group, none of them even noticing your absence.

well, that’s what you thought.

bradley watched you leave, not even taking a look back at your teammates, his face falling with every step you took. he knew about your mental health struggles, and he couldn’t help but feel guilty - had he cause this?

his actions, everything that happened last night; was this is fault?

he knew that it would take forever to explain things to you, even longer for you to forgive him. but fuck - in that moment, as you got further and further away from the group, bradley wished that he hadn’t done anything last night.

the ball was thrown to him, but he didn’t care. you were his priority; you’d always been his priority, always would be. nothing could ever change that.

“rooster!” payback called, hands up in confusion as bradley completely missed the ball.

picking it up from where it had fallen beside him, bradley gave it a half-assed toss, not even checking his aim; he didn’t care where it landed.

maverick had stopped to look at him now, already half knowing what had changed bradley’s mood so quickly. the younger boy was stood completely still, eyes fixed on where you had been only a few minutes before.

“bradley,” maverick called to him, making him turn. “just go to her.”

it was like he had been waiting for someone to tell him, just needing those four words to be set into action, letting him move.

and so bradley turned back around, setting off in your footsteps. a walk turned into a jog, his eyes scanning all over for you, the only sign being your footsteps left on the sand.

-

it was colder inside. the short walk from the beach to the hard deck had cooled you down, just a little. but you couldn’t help the burning feeling in your gut, travelling up through your throat and reaching your eyes.

you stared into your own eyes, watching them get redder and clouding over with tears, not even trying to stop them before they fell, only adding to the mascara streaks down your face.

god, why were you like this? why did you have to be so goddamn sensitive about everything? it wasn’t like bradley cared - he was perfectly happy with carrie, or whatever the hell her name was.

you let yourself fall against the bathroom wall, slowly losing sight of yourself in the mirror as you slid down.

it took everything you had in you not to claw at your own skin, peel the flesh off until you were nothing but a puddle of blood and bones on the floor. but then again - what would that solve?

after spending most of your teenage years going through phases like this, you knew the feeling would pass in a day or so. but in that moment, if felt like it would last forever. the guilt of fucking someone else and secretly wishing it was bradley; bradley, the man who would never love you how you loved him.

bradley, the man who - unknown to you - had just walked into the hard deck.

letting your head hit against the wall, you closed your eyes. this part was the worst - the longing, the knowing that if bradley was there he would be able to fix everything. if only he looked at you the way you looked at him.

if only he didn’t want other girls; didn’t look at their asses when they walked past and for once, just once stared at you like that.

the funny thing was - he did. he constantly stared at you. when you weren’t looking.

“did y/n come in here?” bradley asked, looking around the bar for you but only seeing one, sad looking, glass sitting on the bar.

“she’s in the bathroom,” penny smiled over a crate of beer. “i thought you’d come looking.”

luckily for you, you hadn’t heard them speaking, if you had - what would you have done anyway? would you have wipes your tears, stood up and ran out the door? or would you have stayed exactly where you were, that selfish part inside you glad that bradley had finally come to save you?

speaking of which; he approached the door, getting as close to is as possible without pressing his ear against it, listening for any sign of you behind the door. a sign, which came in the form of a small, hitched breath; something that came out as more of a gasp.

“y/n?” he almost whispered, knuckles tapping against the door.

you froze. no - it couldn’t be, could it? had he really come running after you? fuck. fuck - no, it couldn’t be.

“y/n, you in there?” bradley repeated, your suspicions being completely confirmed - it was him.

“i’ll-” you started, voice betraying you with a crack. “i’ll just be a second.”

but bradley knew you far better than that.

“let me in, sugar,” the pet name had you choking back a sob, biting into your hand to stop the noise coming out. “please.”

it took you a moment to decide whether you’d let him in or not. a full moment - but the selfish side of you won. the little voice in the back of your head that sounded a little bit like pheonix; mumbling how you’d always had a chance with bradley.

the lock clicked, and bradley slowly turned the handle, not quite knowing what to expect on the other side.

what he did see, though, almost spilt his heart down the middle.

you were stood a few steps away, eyes, red and puffy, fixed firmly on the floor, you head tilted down - in a half-assed attempt to hide the mascara trails that ran down your cheeks. the way you were standing, like an insecure little girl, arms folded over your chest, hugging yourself.

any anger you thought bradley was holding towards you completely faded away.

“oh, sugar,” he stepped forward, almost scooping you into his arms. “what? what is it, darlin’?”

you felt so completely enveloped in him, it was completely blissful. his scent; the smell of beach water mixed with a spray of his cologne, his feel, everything - he had you completely covered in him.

“i can’t-” words failed you. “not here- i can’t.”

“alright,” bradley hummed, you could feel the vibration of his voice in his chest. “alright, sweets, i’ll take you home.”

-

bradley’s house was exactly the same as the last time you were there. even down to the jackets hanging on the back of the front door, everything was the same. after all - it had only been, what? a six months, since you’d been here? in his house?

he led you to his couch, sitting you down so gently you half thought he expected you to shatter.

but he didn’t - not really. you’d been friends with bradley long enough for him to know exactly what to do in this situation, how to handle you at your most vulnerable.

“alright, sugar, do you wanna talk to me?” bradley asked, sitting down next to you, hand wrapping around your shoulders.

“i just-” you took a breath. you just what? how in the hell were you meant to be honest with him and keep your oldest secret? “it’s nothing, really.”

maybe saying nothing at all would do the trick.

“it’s clearly not nothing,” his tone was so soft; like his voice was laced with bubble wrap to make sure he didn’t come across the wrong way. “y/n, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t-”

“i slept with hangman.”

the words came out quicker than you could have stopped them, tumbling out of your mouth and leaving you no room to even try to catch them.

“i know.”

“what?” you looked at him. “how?”

“i saw you,” bradley swallowed like the words were bitter on his tongue. “when i was driving cassie home.”

cassie - you’d almost forgot her name. but it still stung to hear him say it; say it like she was someone to him.

“oh, right.” you couldn’t hide the bitter tone.

“why do you feel bad for that, sugar? did he- did hangman do something? did he take advantage of you? i swear to god - i’ll kill him if-”

“no,” you almost laughed, placing a hand on his chest. “no, bradley, he didn’t. i just- i feel bad because… it wasn’t him i wanted to sleep with.”

bradley furrowed his eyebrows. “what do you mean?”

now you were fucked. you’d said too much - how did you get out of this hole you’d dug for yourself? “it doesn’t matter, really, i just feel like i used him, you know?”

“who would you rather be having sex with?”

the question took you completely by surprise. you’d spoke about sex with bradley before, it wasn’t a topic you’d ever shied away from - but how in the hell did you dodge this question?

“i-” your mind went blank. “i didn’t mean it like that, i mean- i was kinda mad, you know? i don’t like fucking like that, like a stress reliever. i dunno, it makes me feel like i’m using them.”

“why were you mad?”

you couldn’t lie this time. “‘cause you treated me like shit all last night.”

bradley hung his head, nodding. “i’m sorry. y/n, i mean that. i’d had one too many to drink and i was in a bad mood, i- i shouldn’t have taken it out on you. i really am sorry.”

smiling, you relaxed slightly. communication was always important to you - and this was one friendship you refused to lose after one fight.

“bradley?” he looked back up at you. “why didn’t you tell me about cassie?”

“well,” he laughed lightly. “i didn’t think it was that important, you know? i doubt you’d really care, honestly.”

“what?” you looked at him, slightly shocked. “bradley, of course i care! i’m your best friend, i’m like- the person who would care about this stuff the most.”

he looked at you for a moment. “y/n- who do you think cassie is to me?“

“she’s-” you furrowed your eyebrows. “she’s your girlfriend, right? or something close?”

“oh my god,” bradley laughed. “oh my god.”

you stared at him, totally confused. it felt like some inside joke you weren’t in on.

“y/n,” he smirked. “she’s my cousin.”

it was hilarious. absolutely fucking laughable. god - it was divine comedy at its peak. your mouth fell into an ‘O’ shape, slowly nodding. bradley’s giggles sounded from beside you, clearly he was finding this funny.

you were completely relieved. totally, selfishly, one hundred percent relieved. so you laughed too. laughed at yourself; how you’d gotten so upset over something you had no idea about.

whether a second or five minutes passed, you weren’t sure. the sound of bradley’s laugh, so completely drowned in happiness, it was music to your ears. a drug you were so totally addicted to, you’d cut off your own leg if it meant you could hear his boyish giggles.

god, you were in love with him.

and bradley was thinking the exact same thing about you.

once you’d finally stopped laughing, quiet came over you, a familiar kind of comfortable quiet, embracing the two of you and enveloping the room with a hum that settled in both of your souls.

or maybe that was a slightly rom-com version of saying; it went quiet.

meeting bradley’s eyes in the quiet, you couldn’t help but stare into them.

his eyes, god his eyes. you loved everything about him but his god damn eyes. they were like whisky, filling up the glass of his iris until it was just about overflowing. they were like jack daniels at the end of a bad day, a little distillery in the scottish highlands turning out the best thing you’d every tasted.

and by god - you would drink whisky every day if it felt like his eyes.

the world around you seemed to stop spinning as you stared into his irises, the couch you were sitting on melting into you until it felt like you were pure mass.

it must have been a genetic impulse. to lean in, to let gravity pull you towards him. you moved your gaze from his eyes to his lips, suddenly imagining what it would feel like to have them on yours.

there couldn’t have been more than a few inches between your faces now, an electric heat in between the two of you as your breath combined, fanning onto each other’s faces.

“y/n,” bradley whispered, the words hitting your ears and snapping you from your chance.

the way he whispered your name woke you up. fuck - what on god’s earth were you thinking? you were his best friend. nothing else. don’t be stupid, y/n. he doesn’t want you.

you pulled back quicker than bradley realised, his eyes still on the spot your lips had been milliseconds before.

clearing your throat, you felt the air around you turn awkward for the first time in years.

“takeout and a movie?” you proposed, hoping to god it would put a bandaid on whatever wound you’d just opened between you two.

“of course,” bradley smiled like nothing even happened. did anything even happen just then, or did you imagine it? “i’ll order.”

nodding, you watched him stand up and walk to where his phone was. you took a hand to your lips, swearing that when you touched the flesh you felt electric shocks.

fuck - you hoped bradley would forget that ever happened. bradley on the other hand; hoped he’d never forget that happened.

-

“good morning aviators,” it wasn’t maverick’s voice this time. “we have some news for you.”

the admiral eyed all of you, making sure he had everyone’s attention before continuing; “your mission date has been moved forward by ten days.”

“oh, shit,” hangman mumbled from beside you.

“this means that you have under a week to complete your training-”

“but sir,” payback piped up. “none of us except rainfall have completed the route yet, and even she fainted.”

“which is exactly why you’re going to be working double as hard, starting today. i’ll now hand over to your teacher.”

and with that he was gone.

“alright,” maverick walked to where the admiral stood a few seconds prior. “same route, in teams of four planes this time. i’ll give you an order, and please-” he looked at you. “no passing out.”

a few people sniggered, leaving you rolling your eyes. you were at ten point three g’s - what the hell were you supposed to do? and you’d lost at least a cup of blood. like they would stay conscious in that situation.

“alright, team one; yale as your team leader, fritz as your wingman, omaha and harvard in dagger two, halo and coyote in dagger three.”

the six of them stood up, walking to the door and waiting to be dismissed. maverick waved them off, chatting amongst themselves as they walked down the corridor.

“do you think any of them can manage it?” hangman asked you, watching the door close behind them.

you hummed; “maybe. yale’s a good pilot.”

“better than you?” he raised an eyebrow.

scoffing, you turned to him. “better than you? than any of us? we’re all the best of the best, jake. don’t be bitter.”

“hey, come on,” he raised his hands in defence. “i was just asking. you know, giving you something to think about.”

“have you been listening to like, anything, maverick said?” you smirked. “we don’t think up there. stop trying to sabotage me.”

“oh, yeah,” you were glad he got the joke. “that’s definitely what i’m trying to do.”

laughing, you turned away from him, looking at bradley. he seemed a million miles away, staring out of the window into the big wide ocean. you wondered where his mind was, but judging from the way he stared at the water, you knew what he was thinking about already.

his dad’s anniversary was coming up.

-

as it turns out, yale must not have been a good enough pilot, because none of the group managed to complete the route on time. not a single plane would have made it back if this had been a real mission.

“alright, next group is all of you guys. i want rainfall as a team leader, pheonix and bob as your wingman. fanboy and payback in dagger three, rooster and hangman in dagger four.”

without having to turn around, you could picture both bradley and jake’s faces. god, it was a sight to behold. they really were like two spoiled little kids.

did it surprise you to be made team leader? no. you’d been the only person who’d completed the course, and if you hadn’t passed out everything would have went completely ideally.

praying you wouldn’t pass out again this time, you followed the rest of your team out to the planes.

you could still hear hangman and bradley behind you, muttering insults at each other like little children who never learned the meaning of teamwork. it made you smile, knowing that no matter what happened, those task would always hate each other.

yes, it was a strange thing to be smiling about, but it was the sense of stability, a hatred that had been there since they met each other all those years ago and would most likely still be there until the day they died.

not that they really hated each other. you knew that, it was all an act deep down. bradley respected hangman, hangman respected bradley. they just didn’t like to show it.

it went in a blur - from being given your safety briefing to taking off, it felt like you had blinked and you were a thousand feet in the air.

“rainfall, proceed to the coordinates on your dash. everyone else, follow her.” maverick said over the radio; he was supervising the flight.

“got it,” you mumbled back, turning to follow the directions in front of you.

it was the same place you’d gone the last time for this training, you noticed. the same big, open desert, surrounded by forest, spanning what seemed to be hundreds of miles.

“alright, everyone in place?”

checking your controls once more, you nodded to yourself; “i’m good, mav.”

“we’re good.” fanboy replied.

“all good here.” pheonix said.

“yeah, us too.” hangman agreed.

“good. your time starts… now!”

you sped up instantly, pushed back in your chair from the force. pheonix was behind you, a shocked noise coming from her when she realised just how fast you were going.

g-force pushed against you, everything twist and turn you took pressing down on your lungs, like an elephant was standing on top of you.

“thirty seconds in, im about a quarter of the way there.” you stated.

“christ, rainfall, you’re fast.” pheonix answered. “i can’t even see you.”

laughing lightly, you turned to look behind you, pheonix and bob not even appearing in the distance.

“then get faster.” you said.

“speaking of faster,” fanboy groaned. “slow down, hangman, you’re up my ass.”

“you should’ve put pheonix behind you, fan, maybe then you two would be going at the right pace.” hangman answered, cocky tone dripping through the radio.

“that’s a minute, i’m half way there. pheonix, you gotta hurry up. i need that laser on time.”

as you said it, the pair of them appeared behind you, gaining speed with every turn they took.

“happy?” pheonix asked.

“very. like christmas.” you laughed.

the rest of the route was like a second nature to you, each curve coming to you almost naturally. it was here that your nose had started bleeding before, leading to you passing out.

you prayed the pressure wasn’t too much this time; you could not afford another accident. you’d never be put on the mission if you passed out again.

“alright, pheonix, you ready?” you asked, taking a quick look behind you to see where she was.

“always, rainfall.”

pulling up, you felt the g-force push you back, just slightly. this was nothing compared to what was coming.

“alright bob, get that laser ready.” you said, eyes fixed on the target.

“shit- there’s something wrong with this laser, it won’t catch.” he replied, hint of urgency in his voice.

“are you fucking kidding me!?” you yelled back, target getting even closer. there wasn’t enough time.

“i’m sorry, i’m trying everything to-”

“forget it, i’ll drop blind!”

trying to aim without a laser was hard - harder when time was running out. fuck, this shot would have to do.

“bombs away!” you yelled, already hundreds of feet away.

“bullseye!” bob called over the radio, making you let out a relived sigh.

and then you had to pull up. pull up - against the force that pushed you back, so much that you thought you’d go falling through the entire plane and put onto the ground.

you were pulling seven g’s now. seven point five. eight. fuck, your vision was blurring at the edges. your breathing was slow, rigid, like the oxygen wasn’t really getting to you at all.

everything felt light. like you were floating. you could feel your hands, tingly and shaky and slipping off of your controls. you couldn’t form any thoughts, just the overwhelming feeling of calm.

the world was quiet, dull. the ringing in your ears was the only sound audible to you, and even then it didn’t bother you. the bliss of unconsciousness was just about to overtake you and-

“get that fucking laser ready, rooster!” fanboy yelled.

and you were awake again, hands gripping your controls and pushing you forward, levelling yourself after pulling up.

“you alright, rainfall?” maverick asked over the radio, scratchiness scraping against your ears.

“all good,” you mumbled, voice slightly weak. “still awake.”

“i’ve got a lock, i’ve got a lock!” rooster cried, clearly having fun trying to work a laser.

“alright, bombs away!” payback yelled.

both you and pheonix were level now, watching the two of them pull up from a few hundred feet away. you could hear their groans over the radio, bradley taking a few gasps follow by a strained ‘fuck’.

that should not have been as attractive to you as it was.

they were almost there now, twenty seconds more or less and they’d be fine. they just had to stay awake.

which is far easier said than done, clearly, because fanboy seemed to go quiet over the radio, payback getting louder in his calls to his wingman.

“fanboy, you alright?” maverick asked.

and then you saw it - the plane losing balance, turning nose to the ground and falling. fanboy passed out.

“fuck, he’s in g-lock!” payback yelled, voice laced with fear. “fuck, wake up, man!”

“shit,” maverick mumbled, his own plane coming into your view. “let’s hope this works again.”

maverick lined himself up with the other plane, clearly trying to get a dial tone to wake fanboy up. it worked for you, right?

“come on, give me tone, give me tone.” he mumbled.

you felt completely powerless, all you could do was watch. two pilots could die right now, and all you’d be able to do was stare as they went down.

“oh, fuck- oh shit!” fanboy finally yelled, pulling up straight away.

“christ,” you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding in, leaning back in your seat.

fanboy came level with the rest of you, clearly shaken up. payback was still yelling at him, something about almost getting both of them killed.

“shit, birds!” maverick interrupted them both, making you turn around in your seat.

about twenty birds were coming straight for you, making you break right straight away. but pheonix didn’t think so fast; you saw a bird fly straight into one of her engines, instantly causing a fire.

“right engine is out!” bob yelled.

“disconnecting power and restarting,” pheonix blurted. “fuck, it didn’t go out.”

you could see them, much like fanboy and payback just minutes before, on a downward spiral - fast. pheonix was an amazing pilot, you had no doubts about that; but there was no way she can pull this back.

and you heard just as much, over the radio; her desperate attempts to keep in the air, downed out by mavericks begs for her to just eject.

she must have tried absolutely everything else, because after a particularly desperate plea from maverick, you saw both pheonix and bob eject.

you watched, mouth half open and breaths shaky. the thought you’d pushed to the back of your mind reading it’s head once more;

this was the mission someone wasn’t coming back from.

[babygirl-riley]

Only Fools Rush In*

Kaitlyn and Allison are able to catch up and reminisce. Meanwhile Simon and Allison have their tender moment that could lead more into what they have. Will they acknowledge it?

Warnings: Drinking, Swearing, SMUT, Angst, and Fluff

It has been almost two weeks since we recovered Kat from being in the hands of Makarov. She was able to stay because Laswell said that they needed another good pilot on the team. Of course once she has healed all the way through. Soap has already given her a code name Hawk, he thought of it cause the color of her hair reminded him of a hawk. Why? Fuck only he knows.

Kat and I during this time talked about mom, found out that Makarov does not have her at least to Kat’s knowledge. Before she was kidnapped she was able to say sort of goodbyes to my mom. However Kat said that before they left and kidnapped, the doctor said her blood was strange, that they didn’t think COVID was the one to end it and that they would want to have permission to do an autopsy. So I called the hospital and gave that approval.

The nightmares kept creeping in as well, I haven’t slept for a good soils 3 days before Kat told me to take Nightquil. I hated feeling groggy when I woke up so I stopped, the nightmares would be more tense feeling more real. Plus I was sick and tired of changing my sheets over and over again, from all the sweat.

New Years happened as well and we were actually able to celebrate it, well how 141 does at least which was getting drunk and hangovers. However I wanted nothing to do with alcohol, it wasn’t pleasing to me. Once I smelt it, it made me nauseous so I decided to be the DD. Makarov hasn’t done anything for these weeks, it made everyone uneasy but Laswell said she would keep us updated. Aka Price and Price would let us know. So Soap and Gaz decided we needed to cut loose until then. Yuri was fun and hard to keep up with during drinking games. As a Russian he wouldn’t even be drunk most of time, saying whiskey is too weak for a Russian like himself.

During this time as well Ghost avoided anything that had to do with me being present. Why? Only he fucking knew. It bugged me for a minute before I finally just didn’t give a damn, I wasn’t his mom to figure out his problem and sure as hell not his girlfriend to care. Ghost would watch from afar whatever I was doing, I mean it wasn’t hard to pinpoint where he was at. Well sometimes, sometimes he would not even be present at all.

Soap, Kat, Gaz, and I have been to bars around the Russian base to let loose for a bit. We have tried to invite others but they didn’t want to go. I was upset over a shit tons of things and finally my emotions caught up to me. Even acting like I didn’t care that Ghost was well ghosting me, my mom, the stress of the mission, my uncle. It all caught up. When we got to base I acted like nothing was up, I didn’t even realize what time it was.

0100 that was the time but I played songs in one of the ‘break rooms.’ My sister even joined at one point we talk, laughed, and cried. We started to dance crazy at some of the songs that would come up. Like we used to when we were teens. Act like no one was watching. We told each other our best memories as kids to now.

I snorted out water as she told me a story about how she got her boot stuck in a hole back in Iran. “I was just running and it got stuck, didn’t even know it belonged to a fucking snake!” Kat said throwing her hands up.

I shook my head and pushed her a bit. “It’s called dumbass syndrome Kat.”

She made a fake gasp. “That’s so fucking mean.”

We laughed even harder, at this point we didn’t even know why. I heard boots coming down the hall and looked over to see no one other than Ghost. I sighed and looked away, my sister knew what happened between us. The sex. The amazing mind blowing may I add. She didn’t have ill feelings towards him, just curious on what was his problem as well.

“Both of you are loud.” He said walking to the fridge.

“You know us girls,” Kat started before getting up and stretching. “Gossip gossip.”

I watched as she started for the exit. “What the…” I started to say looking at her in desperation.

“I am tired. Swing those hips with him.” She said with a wink before looking over at him and walking out.

He turned to me and narrowed his eyes. “She knows?”

“About us fucking,” After no answer I rolled my eyes. “Yeah she knows.” I chugged the last part of my water before setting it down. “Kat won’t say anything if you’re worried.”

“Price can’t find out you know that.” He said scolding me.

I huffed a bitter chuckle. “He won’t find out,” I got up to throw away the cup. “My sister won’t say shit. Plus I had to vent.”

“Vent?” Ghost asked as he watched me walk over to the bluetooth.

“Yes vent,” I snapped scrolling through my playlist until I got bored clicking on a song. “About you being a dick.”

Ghost let out an audible sigh. “Allison…”

I walked up to him pressing my hand on his chest. “No, you don’t need to explain anything to me,” I said before leaning into him. He tensed at first before relaxing, snaking his hands on my hips. “I don’t understand why you push people away,” I snaked my hand up to the nape of his neck. “But it doesn’t scare me, it won’t keep me away. No matter how far you push I will always bounce right back,” I looked up at him, his eyes bearing into mine. “You do what you got to do Simon, once you are ready, I’ll be here.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment but went with the beat of the song playing. We just swayed rocking back and forth. It felt nice. content. Ghost sighed before placing his chin on the top of my head.

…………………………………………………………

Simon held onto her waist listening to the song playing. The words that just came out of her and was hanging in the air. ‘It doesn’t scare me.’ ‘It won’t keep me away.’ His heart hitched when listening to those words. He doesn’t know why he pushes people away when they show any sort of affection. Maybe it’s cause anytime he cares about someone deeply…they get taken away.

He placed his chin on her head and sighed deeply. She just said it to be kind, this tender moment, has to stop. “I don’t know why I do,” He started. His words spilled out before he caught them, his heart leaping out of his throat. Well from what it felt like. “I…I just do, even when people care…I think no should care for me.”

She didn’t say anything but hummed and nodded. Making him even feel better that she didn’t say anything. He doesn’t express his feelings, saying sorries, show emotions even. Simon doesn’t do that. How fucked up it is, her quiet is making him be okay with it or maybe she doesn’t like what she is hearing. He doesn’t want to be vulnerable with anyone, with her though he wants to be. He feels comfortable around her.

“Why do you think that?” She asked as they kept moving side to side.

He loved this song that they are swaying to. His mom would play it every once in a while. His mom would make him mac and cheese while it played in the background. Or when she was trying to teach him how to slow dance for a school that a girl invited him to. Instead of him getting mad thinking about his mother he was calm, Allison was making this a calm setting. He loved the way her tiny body molded with his giant one. “Experience love.”

‘Love.’ Bloody hell. He mentally slapped himself. Pushing away is not a thing when he was around her. Why did he follow her here? Once Soap stumbled into the barracks walking past him he knew that you were somewhere. Low and behold talking and dancing with her sister. Fuck her hips how they swayed. It made his cock go semi hard. However this…this was better. Her body pressed up against his, feeling her steady heartbeat. It made Simon think of outside of sex between them. What it would look like with that fucking Hallmark cabin she mentioned a year ago. How every night they could be dancing like this. Him holding her close. With the fucking dog laying in their carpet. The fireplace going after being snowed in. Simon thought about how they wouldn’t be in military clothes they would be wearing but some stupid pjs.

She sighed before looking up at him. She placed a hand on his balaclava. “Simon…” His eyes softened being snapped back into the now before grabbing her hand holding it tenderly.

“Yes Allison?”

“Kiss me?”

He thought about it before nodding as she reached back to his balaclava, lifting it up until it rested on his nose. He leaned down and kissed her tenderly. He tasted the cheap soda that she drank from the pubs that she pressed on her lips. She depended on the kiss slipping her tongue inside his mouth. Simon gripped her hips harder and she moved her hips into his.

Simon moaned, feeling her barely touch his member. Fuck he wants to take her here and now. Throw her against this fucking table, pounding her, making her scream, waking the whole base. Letting them know she belonged to him and ONLY him. The kiss became heavier and messier. Their breathing becomes heavier and more loud. Anyone could walk in from how they were touching each other like two horny teenagers. Simon’s hand moved down to her ass gripping it, making her gasp. He took the opportunity to take her lip and bite down softly before tugging it. Breaking the kiss.

“How much I would love to fuck you right here sweetheart,” He began breathing heavy, trying to ignore the semi hard cock in his pants. “Don’t think keeping our little secret would stay hidden.”

She chuckled at that before rolling his mask down while kissing his mouth, cheek, and chin. “That’s fair,” She whispered, leaning into his chest again. “Let’s dance this last bit before you fuck me into my bed?”

He chuckled quietly before nodding. “Sure.” Pulling her a bit closer. He felt content for once in his life in a very very long time. He felt safe.

Only fools rush in

But I can’t help falling in love with you

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin?

If I can’t help falling in love with you

…………………………………………………………

I giggled as he struggled backing me into my room. We kissed right when I opened the door, he was nipping my lip and grinding on me. He helped me take off my jacket throwing it on the side. He started to kiss my neck, sucking on it softly. “Take your shirt off now.” Simon ordered tugging the bottom of my shirt.

I grabbed my shirt and threw it over my head and he grabbed my bra and threw it to the side. His hands landed on my breast, playing with them, and squeezing them. I sighed arching into him, I grabbed his balaclava pulling it up. “Take it off love.” He said looking at me.

I watched his eyes making sure it was a fucking joke. “You sure?” I whispered.

He nodded, I lifted up the mask before dropping it in the floor. His eyes were closed and his lips pressed together. I looked over his face, he was attractive, I knew that when he took his mask off when we all became a Ghost team. I have seen him the night that we went to that bar to find out about Makarov. He had that 5 o'clock shadow still, a small scar across one side of his cheek. The black eye make up coming down from his eyes down his cheek. His hair all messed up, mask hair, I smiled and placed my hand on his cheek, rubbing small circles.

“Open your eyes Si.” I whispered and watched as he inhaled before opening them. Those fucking eyes will always make my heart do turns. He didn’t move for a moment.

My hand snakes to grip his hair softly and pulled him down to kiss him. “So handsome.” I whispered before kissing him again but deeper.

Simon inhaled and slipped his tongue in and rubbed his hands up and down my sides. I started walking him backwards until the back of his knees hit my bed making him sit. He looked up at me as he sat watching me closely. I kissed his forehead before walking to my door and locking it. I started to unbuckle my belt and putting it on the floor.

He kept watching he started to palm his dick through his pants. I moaned, how hot was that? He can’t wait enough he has to touch himself. I walked over to him and knelt. “I am going to take off your boots,” I said waiting for him to say anything. He just nodded. I untied each boot and tossing them to the side then snaked my hands up his thighs. Simon leaned back as I came up to the top of his pants unbuckling his pants.

His breath hitched as pulled his pants down inch by inch. He wiggled out of his pants having his lower half exposed. He dick twitch as I licked my lips looking at his dick. I will always say he is bigger than I thought size was a little over average but his girth. That is what made it big. I got down on my knees. “Hold on.” He said sounding out of breath. I looked up to see he was taking his hoodie off.

I felt shock come over me. He is going completely naked. I watched as his arm muscles moved when he pulled his hoodie all the way off and tossed it. I noticed the arm tattoo he had on his arm, I took note that his arms was large as well. Fucking hell. The veins that traveled on his arms, the tattoo. I could feel my pussy clench.

“Done drooling love?” I snapped my head back at him. How long was I staring?

“Mhm.” Is all I could say before going up to bite his neck and sucking hard. That is going to leave a mark.

He growled as I grabbed his dick. He moved his hips up wanting more friction. I gripped a little harder. “Fuck.” He whispered while licking my chest.

I sighed as I moved my thumb over his slit. Simon had to fight back another moan. He grabbed my hand. “You will get your chance pet,” He whispered before slipping his other hand on my cunt, swiping up. I whimpered, closing my eyes. He groaned from how wet I was. “But first I want to wreck you.”

Simon started to snake his arm around me before pinning me on the bed. “Safe word?” He whispered, closing his eyes as he kissed down my abdomen to my inner thighs.

I didn’t answer for a minute so he bit my thigh. “Blue.” I whispered as he licked a strip up my cunt.

Simon moaned as he went back and licked my clit. The feeling of his warm tongue on my cunt, he stuck his tongue in my hole. “You taste so fucking good.” He mumbled before pressing one of his fingers in my cunt.

I moaned and grabbed his hair. He started to pump slowly and sucked on my clit. He sucked harder making my toes curl. “Fuck Simon,” I whispered as he curled his finger. He pushed another finger in, stretching my cunt more. “Jus…”

I felt my orgasm building up, he always knew how to make me feel good. He started to pump faster and sucking on my clit. “Oh!” I yelped as my back arched, toes curling. He moaned into my cunt as I felt the band break. My hips moving up and down as I went through the high before slowing down my movements.

Once my orgasm subsided he smirked up at me before blowing air on my cunt. I moaned a bit before he kissed his way up my stomach. I felt his finger graze my cunt. I hummed closing my eyes again. “Open your eyes.” Simon said grabbing my jaw forcefully.

I opened my eyes as he pushed his fingers back in. My mouth gaped open, I felt my vagina walls wrap around his fingers. “There you go dirty girl,” He grumbled inserting his third finger. I winced but the pain was soon being relieved by pleasure when his thumb went over my clit. “That’s it.”

He went fast in and out of my cunt. I gasped and grabbed onto his hair. He groaned as I pulled him down, we kissed hard and messy. Simon moaned as he felt my walls clench around his fingers. He started hitting my g spot. I moaned very loud into his mouth as his tongue attacked mine. He started going harder and faster.

Simon broke our kiss looking down as I was getting closer to my orgasm. “Fuck Si…Simon! I’m almost there.” He glanced down as I felt my second one I gripped my sheets as he bite down in my shoulder. I came hard, I heard the pornographic sounds coming from his fingers in my cunt, the way his moans sounded as my groan almost coming out as a cry.

He pulled out his fingers as he did one more pump of it and sucked on his fingers then kissed my forehead. “You taste so fucking good,” He put his hand on my mouth. “Spit, pretty.”

I smiled at him and spat in his hand, he moaned a bit. Simon pumped his cock before hovering over me, I felt his dick right where it needed to be. My pussy clenching over nothing, just thinking of him inside of me made me feral. He slowly pushed his way into me, I held my breath as he placed his forehead on mine. We both moaned as he settled in. His eyes were closed for a moment before opening them to look at me.

I placed my hand on his cheek, his eyes softened for a moment as he leaned down to kiss me tenderly. Simon then slammed into me, I bit down in his lip and he moaned before pulling out and slamming back in. He broke our kiss and kissed my jaw down to my neck. I gasped as he did the same movement. I tried to grab him but he grabbed my hands and put them above me head while he slammed into me over and over again.

I started to grunt loudly as he kept hitting the spot that I loved so dear. He moaned with me as well as my walls would tighten for a moment. “Fuck beautiful…” He mumbled before grunting.

He gripped my hips as he slammed again going faster. The noises started to get louder, skin slapping together, our cum making wet noises, my moans becoming screams. His grunts into moans. “Bloody hell,” Simon moaned as his dick twitched a bit. He grabbed my throat squeezing to where I could barely breathe. “So fucking tight. So fucking beautiful!”

I felt drool coming out of my mouth. my orgasm coming in quick being able to release once more. He leaned down to kiss me, clashing out teeth, more saliva, his tongue dancing with mine. “Si…” I quietly whispered still having his hand squeezing my throat.

I watched as sweat fell down his forehead, going down his chest. Pass the scars, the dips from his muscles. I watched his muscles tense and his moaning getting louder. His dick twitching harder. I wrapped my legs around him giving him more room. “Fucking hell!”

He started going harder and his hips faultering. “I’m..” I yelled not being able to finish as I squeezed my eyes shut seeing stars. My toes started to curl. Am I peeing?

“Fuck,” Simon said looking down between us. I was squirting. “That’s it baby, keep doing that.” He fucked harder, as my pussy clenched around him, he grunted and his breathing was picking up. He went all the way up till he couldn’t. I felt warmth going into my cunt. His cum mixed into mine.

Simon put his head in the nape of my neck, still groaning, he left his dick inside of me for a moment as I played with his hair. I hummed as he took his hand off my throat, rubbing it up my leg. We didn’t say anything, as he pulled out of me, his dick limp. Simon pushed his and I’s cum back into me. “None of this will come out, you hear me?” He said before kissing me, laying down next to me.

I smiled as I felt the exhaustion hit. As Simon made circles on my arm, he hasn’t left yet, but that wasn’t the thing that put me back. It was him calling me ‘baby.’

[stanknotstark]

Wisdom Starts With a T (Loki x Reader)

SOOOO I’M SO EMBARRASSED THAT I FORGOT ABOUT THE GAUZE IN YOUR MOUTH AT THE END BUT I’M VERY THANKFUL @justfangirlthingies​ POINTED IT OUT AND I WAS GONNA FIX IT TOMORROW BUT I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO SLEEP B/C EMBARRASSED XDDDD

You’re still not quite sure how you ended up here. Here being your head in Loki’s lap in the middle of Central Park, your body laid across an uncomfortable bench. You sit up a bit and glare at Loki. 

“What did you do?” You ask the God. Noting that there is gauze sticking out of your mouth, making your speech sound slurred and muted. 

Loki looks at you unamused. 

“I follow your demands and even then I receive backlash.” Loki scoffs, “Typical.” 

“All you were supposed to do was drive me to my appointment and then bring me back to the tower.” You say looking around the park, “This isn’t the tower.” 

“An astute observation.” Loki drawls out, squinting at you. “Are you fine now?”

“What?” You ask. You can’t for the life of you remember anything that happened since before going under for your surgery. 

“Are you going to cry anymore, specifically, is what I want to know.” Loki asks almost unnerved. 

You close your eyes and rest your head back on Loki’s lap. You’re still a bit dizzy but clearly capable, “What did I do?” 

Loki doesn’t quite snort but it’s a close call, “I think you should be asking what did you not do.” 

So, Loki begins to tell you what exactly happened. 

“So all I need to do is drive you there, wait till they bring you to the car and they will tell me exactly what you need the next few days. Then, I bring you back to the tower and let you sleep off the anesthesia?” Loki asks to both you and Bruce. 

Bruce shrugs, pushes his glasses up his nose and nods. “Pretty much.” 

“Don’t let me tell you what to do, do your best to keep me in the car, when we get back to the tower lock me in my room.” You say making sure to keep eye contact with Loki. 

Loki gets a look on his face like he smelled something really bad. “And, pray tell, why must I be the one to do this tedious task again?” 

Bruce chuckles. “I’d take her but Fury requires all of us minus her and you. You’re also the only other person she trusts to take her and is here at the tower to help her.”

Loki glances at you but looks away, “Of course she picks me to trust.” He says shaking his head. “Fine. I’ll take her.” 

“Sweet!” You yelp with a fist pump. 

~~~

After the nurse had put you in the car (Tony lent you one of his) and told Loki the instructions on how to take care of you after getting your wisdom teeth out he locked the car doors and looked at you with curiosity. 

“Are you quite alright?” Loki asked as you looked around with amazement in your eyes. At his words your head snapped to him and you smiled goofy. 

“Ya. I’m peachy, splendid, marvelous, dandy!” You almost yelled in the confined space, Loki looking disgusted when a little spittle flew from your mouth. 

“Right.” The god said starting the car. 

As you rode back in silence you began mumbling. You had hoped anyone else could have taken you because you didn’t want Loki to see you so vulnerable and small but you didn’t have any friends close enough but that’s not to say you don’t trust Loki. You just felt how you behaved would reflect badly on you since he already considered midguardians weaklings. You honestly wanted the god to like you and even be friends. You wanted more than friends but as if that would happen.

“What?” Loki asked you.

“Huh?” You said innocently, looking over at the god with wide eyes. 

Loki stopped at a red light and truly looked at you. 

“Why are you staring at me?” You ask shyly, bringing a hand up to push the gauze back into your mouth before it fell out. 

Loki smirked, shook his head, and looked back to the road. 

After a bit of silence you tell Loki, “I have a crush on someone.” 

Loki raises a brow, glances at you, but does nothing more to implore. 

“It’s Loki, but don’t tell him, please!” You grab ahold of Loki’s arm and tug. 

Loki doesn’t even have time to react to what you said before you start bawling. 

“You’re gonna tell him and then he won’t like me!”

Loki struggles to take back his arm but when he does he then uses it to pull you into a awkward side hug and shush you.

“I shall not tell him, your secret is safe with me.” 

This gets you to calm down for five minutes. 

“Can we go to a toy store I want to look at legos. I used to play with legos when I was little, I would build spaceships and pretend I was the pilot.” You rub your eyes of tears and sniffle. “I miss being a kid.” 

“As I am sure, we all do.” Loki says under his breath. 

“So can we go?” You ask with wide, puppy eyes. Loki had pulled out of the hug and instead had his free hand resting on the prindle, that’s what you liked to call it. 

“No, I’m required to only take you back to the tower. Keep pressure on your gauze to stop the bleeding, please.” Loki said glancing at you as he drove. 

He mentally prepared himself when he saw your eyes starting to water.

“You don’t care about me, you never did!” You wail, fat tears dropping from your eyes, your hands furiously wiping at them as they fell. 

“Nonsense!” Loki says.

“If you really cared you’d take me to the park!” You yell at him. 

Loki takes in a deep breath, another, then when you take in a deep breath to yell at him some more he relents, “Fine! We’ll go to the park, now will you stop your incessant whining?” 

Immediately your tears stop and you’re smiling with a red nose and blotchy cheeks. “Ok!”

Loki rolls his eyes but he’s very impressed with your acting in such a state.

~~~

Loki rolls his eyes as you laugh at him from his lap. 

“Thanks, for caring so much.”

“I do not care, I simply wanted you to shut up.” Loki says with a scoff but you know better because he lets a hand come down and stroke your hair. 

You lay there for a bit more, picking at his casual clothes. “How long have I been sleeping?” You ask when you realize the sun that started on the east is now in the center of the sky.

“Approximately two hours, give or take a few minutes.” 

Taking in your surroundings you start to hear shutters going off like crazy. 

“And how long have the paparazzi been here?”

“Long enough.” Is all Loki says. 

You hum but look on the bright side of things. 

“Well you’ll get some good reports and they’ll probably start printing out stories about how we’ve been having a secret love affair going on.” 

You feel Loki hum more than hear it, his hand stops stroking your hair but doesn’t move from its position. 

“From what you said earlier I understand that you don’t mind that?” Loki asks. 

You shrug but when Loki pokes your face you look at him. His eyes are imploring, he wants to hear from you, sober you, that you want it. 

“Yes. I wouldn’t mind having a secret love affair with you.” 

Loki smirks and his hand goes back to stroking your hair. You practically purr at the affection and snuggle into his stomach. 

“Who does the paparazzi think you’re currently bedding?”

“Steve. They saw us hug at a gala event, away from prying eyes, and the stories spun out of control.” 

Loki chuckles then moves your body to where you’re sitting up and hugging him by his side. When you both look at each other Loki tries to fight a smile.

“I would say we could give them a show but...”

You frown and touch the gauze sticking out of your mouth. Before you can begin to pull it out, fuck it you think, Loki snickers and stops your hands.

“I’m honored you want a kiss that bad however I do not particularly like my kisses to taste of blood.”

You pout as best you can through your gauze but concede with Loki. 

“You better kiss me the minute I stop bleeding then.” You say poking Loki’s chest. He still has a smile on his face but grabs your poking hand and holds it.

“Deal, darling.”

IF YOU WANT TO SEE THE ORIGINAL ENDING WHERE I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THE GAUZE IT IS DOWN HERE

Loki shifts making you frown and sit up next to him then he brings an arm around your shoulders and pulls you into his side. When you look at him you see his eyes are focused on your lips causing you to open them slightly. In return Loki licks his lips. Loki then grabs your chin and finally looks into your eyes.

“Lets give them a story worth writing, shall we?” He asks in a low, deep voice.

You can’t speak so you nod your head and Loki smiles before bringing your lips to his.

[unit-zero-two]

Queer Representation in 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim

13 Sentinels was a game I picked up because the trailer looked neat. I had no clue what the gameplay was even like, I just felt adventurous. And I was rewarded with a fantastic game that constantly surprised me in the best possible ways. One of the ways I was surprised was in the actual textual existence of queer characters. Plural. And with a queer relationship developed and promoted prominently on screen between main characters.

Now, with the increase in queer media around the board, this alone isn’t worthy of praise. My enjoyment, and I suspect that of a lot of people, comes from the fact that there was no expectations or promises made, and yet the game still delivered. It was just there, causally, in a AAA game published by a decently well known studio. It’s a good example of what we’re asking for when asking for queer rep. It being allowed to casually exist and flavor games that aren’t just dedicated to telling these stories.

Like a lot of media if you go in expecting flawless queer representation suffusing every aspect of the game, you will be disappointed. This is a game with 15 main characters and most of the cast ends up in straight relationships. But not all of them. And past those relationships, there is still a queerness that is allowed to exist and be shown throughout this game that constantly impressed me.

I will work through the textual, on screen examples of queer representation one by one. There will be spoilers for this game in the post, so if that is something that you care about, please finish the game first before continuing. Due to the non-linear storytelling and gameplay nature of 13 Sentinels I can’t really set timestamps or anything. If you’re not done yet, but still curious to read, I personally feel like nothing I say here will ruin the experience for you. Through it’s strange nature, this is arguably a spoiler proof game and knowing what is to come can help you view the events in a different, but still enjoyable, light.

Textual Queer Representation in 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim

The place for us to begin will be with one of the 13 playable characters, Takatoshi Hijiyama. Hijiyama is very much a young man defined by when he was raised in the story. 1945 Japan in the middle of WW2. He is nationalistic and proud of Japan, it’s culture and tries to stand for it’s values. While training to be a Sentinel pilot, he falls for the demure Kiriko Douji, daughter of the professor in charge of the project. His prologue begins with him following Kiriko and finding her operating a time travel system. Kiriko reveals three things: 1) she’s the real scientist behind the project, 2) her real name is Tsukasa Okino and 3) she is a he. Okino leaves 1945 and Hijiyama chases after him. What then follows is a very clear romance storyline as Hijiyama works though self-discovery of his sexuality, his internalized biases and some good old jealousy.

Throughout his story, Hijiyama shows attraction to Okino both dressed as a woman and as a man. It’s made clear that the clothes and gender presentation aren’t the main defining factor for his attraction to Okino. He also shows attraction to some of the girls, implying a sort of bisexuality. But in the end, Okino is the one he directs his attention and dedication. The pair even share a robot in the final battle.

Next we have Takatoshi Hijiyama...of 2188. Through a data log Hijiyama finds during his story he finds out that his self of 2188 was in a committed, queer relationship with Tsukasa Okino of 2188. The two openly express their love for each other in the logs, and Hijiyama 2188′s final words are to mourn the death of his lover. The game makes it very clear what their relationship is. And watching this is a turning point for Hijiyama and how he views Okino. Seeing the death of Okino 2188 shakes him, and hardens his resolve and love.

Tsukasa Okino is an interesting character for many reason. We see him first dressed as a woman. When asked about it, he comments “Let’s just say some binaries work for me, and others don’t.”. Throughout the story, Okino alternates between being dressed as a man and a woman. He’s a very practical person and expresses several times his thoughts on both forms of dress and the pros and cons he finds in wearing them. But he never says, “I’m actually a man/woman or I prefer to wear men’s/women’s clothing.” To him, both forms are equal and he switches between them as he feels like through the story. There is also a point in the epilogue where Okino reveals that he can hack into the simulation and change his gender if he wishes. He then offers to turn into a woman and to sleep with Hijiyama. This is a very confident offer made by someone secure in their identity and sexuality. Hijiyama is understandably flustered at the teasing.

Okino openly shows sexual attraction to Hijiyama, mostly presented as teasing jabs at him. As with 2188 Hijiyama, 2188 Okino is explicitly in a Queer relationship and openly affectionate in the data logs. For the most part, present day Okino is busy during the narrative trying to save everyone from the Kaiju, but still finds time to flirt with Hijiyama.

Hijiyama and Okino are the clearest in text examples, but there’s one other stand out example. Iori Fuyusaka. For the most part she spends her story being boy crazy and confused by strange dreams, but there are two interesting moments with her. The first is during the battle section. One of the scripted after battle sections plays and it’s Iori tripping and she scrapes her hand. Yuki Takamiya helps her up and puts a bandage on her hand. It is a very slow, very tender and very deliberate scene. After Yuki leaves, Iori blushes and comments, “Whoa, what the...why is my heart racing right now? Wait, does that mean...? But I didn’t think I was...I mean, what if...” This scene makes it very clear what Iori is feeling and what she is discovering about herself.

In another scene near the beginning of the game in Iori’s story, she’s looking for a cat. She comes across Juro and Shu talking to each other in secretive whispers and embarrassed blushes.

Shu: Just listen. This is a first for me too. You feel it, right?

Juro: ...

Shu: I want to pursue this with you. Please!

Juro: I dunno...it's just...

The edges of the background softens and the camera shifts to center them, soft music plays, and Iori blushes. While the scene itself is a pretty standard confused for gay joke, it’s interesting to see it from Iori’s point of view. When caught, she says:

"I, uh...umm...I think as long as you love each other...it's okay..."

Juro is embarrassed and corrects things. Shu just laughs and is amused by the idea of dating Juro.

Juro: Do you believe us [about our dreams]?

Iori: Well, actually...I'm more surprised to hear that's all it was. Cause, I thought...

She blushes and is interrupted by the bell ringing and class starting.

And in light of the scene with Yuki, it becomes interesting in reflection that her thoughts would go there so quickly. Whether she was conscious of it or not, Iori is very aware of the possibility of same sex attraction. Whether that’s clever foreshadowing or just a neat coincidence is mostly irrelevant.

Uh...that of course brings us to Yuki Takemiya. So...Yuki will get her own post. Because there’s a lot there. Most of which I would argue is heavy subtext. I love the character and her plotline, but it it would be stretching to say that she is textual queer representation. But there’s still a lot to talk about.

13 Sentinels is a game that deals in all variations of relationships; familiar, platonic and romantic, and it’s great that it included queer representation into the text like it did. Hijiyama and Okino gave us a romantic queer relationship, twice, and Iori gives us a Bi-Sexual character who while not in a relationship with a woman is still queer. And that’s always good representation.

[allisondraste]

Cockroaches and Other Things That Just Keep On Living

Fandom: Mass Effect

Ship: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian

Word Count: 4019

Summary: It's only been two weeks since the Reaper War ended, and the Alliance is already trying to bury Shepard.

[Click Here for A03]

Two weeks.  It had only been two weeks since the war ended, since that devastating flash of red light burst from the Citadel and bounced off every active relay in the galaxy, since the Reapers fell dead in space and the Normandy crash landed on some tropical little human colony world just on the edge of the Terminus Systems.  It had just been two weeks, but the Alliance and the rest of the whole damn galaxy were already willing to declare Shepard dead.  And to add insult to injury, they’d  given Garrus the great honor and privilege of hanging her name up on a memorial wall in some trite ceremony to make the crew feel better.

“There isn’t anyone who could’ve been at the epicenter of that blast and survived,” Hackett had explained, far too matter-of-factly. “It’s time for us to move forward.”

“Shepard isn’t just anyone,” Garrus had replied, and then promptly told the admiral where to shove his plaque. It was not his finest moment.

Now, he sat in the mess hall, alone and staring down at the dextro-amino rations he’d barely touched. The bastardized version of some overly seasoned human dish would have been unappetizing even if he had an appetite. But he didn’t.  Something about the person he loved being declared dead left a sour taste in his mouth.  He’d only even tried to eat because Liara insisted, and he wasn’t in the mood for another well meant lecture about taking care of himself.

No longer willing to bother, he shoved the plate away from him with the back of his hand, and looked up in just enough time to catch Williams walk past him.  She stopped, performed a proper about-face and marched up to his table.

“Hey,” Ash greeted him like she’d never spoken to him before in her life.

“Hey,” Garrus replied and watched as she shifted uncomfortably and darted her eyes around the entire room before meeting his gaze.

She motioned to an empty seat across the table from him. “Can I— I mean, do you want some company? You just look—”

“Like I’m one news vid about the ‘late’ Commander Shepard away from going postal?” He let out a derisive snort. “Yeah.”

Williams smirked and  eased herself down onto the bench without waiting for him to agree to her company. “I was going to say ‘like shit,’ but that works too.”

He answered her dryly. “Gee. Thanks.”

There was a pause in conversation, then Ash tilted her head in that sympathetic way every human who knew him seemed to do since Earth. “Seriously though… how are you holding up?”

I’m not , Garrus thought, but the words didn’t make it to his mouth, just sarcasm.. “Didn’t realize you cared… or is this just one of those human things where you pretend to care for my benefit?”

She leaned back and raised an eyebrow. “Do I seem like the kind of person who pretends to do anything for anyone’s benefit, especially yours?”

He laughed. “Fair.”

“Listen, this is off the record but… Hackett had that mouthful coming.” She laughed and shook her head. “I’m just glad it was you that said it and not me because, well, I like my job.”

If anyone had told Garrus that one day, he’d have a heart-to-heart with the human woman who’d spent their entire first mission together shooting daggers at him from across Normandy’s shuttle bay, he’d have said they were crazy.  But there they were, raw from the absence of someone who meant so much to the both of them.

“It’s been two weeks,” he muttered, looking down at his hands. “ Two. They haven’t even found her bod—“ he tried and failed to choke back the lump in his throat,  but continued talking anyway, glancing up at her— “It’s too damn soon, Ash.”

“I know,” came her firm reply as she reached across the table.  She hesitated for a split second, but then let her hand fall on top of his.  Deep brown eyes welled up with tears that she tried to blink away.  She let out a frustrated huff as one rolled down her cheek anyway, then cleared her throat.  “ Damn. Pretend this isn’t happening.” “Pretend what isn’t happening, Williams?”

“Perfect,” she remarked, wiping her face with the heel of her free hand and laughing. “Kind of hard to believe it’s only been three years since we tracked down Saren.  Feels like a lifetime ago.”

“And look at us now, being mostly civil,” he said with a sigh, staring down at Ash’s hand.  Alien as it was, it reminded him of Shepard’s, strong to be as small as it was, with too many fingers.  He recalled the many times those fingers had traced the hard edges of his face, how that hand had fit so comfortably into his (after a few clumsy attempts, of course).  He’d take another missile to the face to hold it again.

“You know, Shepard worked her ass off to convince me it’d be fine having aliens on board an Alliance vessel,” Ash observed playfully, pulling him from his thoughts.

“You? Paranoid over a handful of non-humans? I’m shocked .”

“Nothing personal,” she explained,“Just didn’t feel comfortable sharing a station with a guy whose grandpa probably shot at mine during the War.”

“Hate to break it to you but—” he leaned back in his seat— “My grandfather was just a run of the mill C-Sec officer.  All he would have done was write your grandfather a nasty citation. ‘Being human in Citadel space,’ used to be a finable offense.”

“God,” she said with another laugh, “Back then, I rolled my eyes and told Shepard I’d do whatever she wanted me to do. ‘You tell me to jump, I ask how high.  You tell me to kiss a turian, I’ll ask which cheek.’”

“We don’t really have cheeks,” Garrus corrected, laughing when Ash shot him a pointed look, “But that’s beside the point.  I’m guessing Shepard never followed through with that order.”

“No, she told me, and I quote, ‘Nobody’s going to be kissing any turians on this mission, Ash,’” she said in her best Shepard impression, then muttered, “Fucking liar.”

“Well, to her credit, I don’t think she planned on me being so… irresistable.”

Ash snorted and rolled her eyes. “Okay, ladykiller .”

There was another pause in conversation, and her expression fell.  She looked down to where her hand still lay on his. “Back then, I just assumed you’d jump ship as soon as things got rocky, as soon as we— as Shepard — really needed you, but…” She trailed off, grip tightening around his hand.  “You never let her down, not once.  Not even when I—”

“You didn’t let her down, Ash,” he argued, sensing where she was headed, “She never thought that.”

“Yeah, well I do,” she snapped, words clipped, “I should have seen the signs that Cerberus had her pinned down, but I let my ego get in the way.  I’m surprised she wanted anything to do with me after that.”

“You’re not the only one who has ever screwed up trying to do the right thing,” he reassured her, “Shepard, of all people, understood that.”

“That’s… you’re probably right,” she nodded and looked up at him, “Thanks. And for whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“Uh, sorry for what?”

“For ever believing you weren’t an important part of the crew,” she stated seriously, then smiled, “And for calling you birdbrain  behind your back.”

Garrus’ mandibles flared in amusement, and he gave her hand a few friendly pats. “No harm done,” he said, then paused for a beat, “Besides, you didn’t hear what I said behind your back.”

One of her eyebrows shot up. “You talked shit about me?”

“So much.”

“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute,” shouted a familiar voice from across the mess, causing them both to snap their heads toward the sound. “Somebody get this heartwarming moment on camera.”

Ash stiffened, retracting her hand quickly and stuffing it under the table. “Joker.”

“Hey, Joker.” Garrus waved. “How are you doing?”

“Fine,” he answered, words pointed. “You know, aside from the soul-crushing agony of my girlfriend dying. ”

Garrus had spent enough time around humans to know that the Flight Lieutenant looked rough, even for someone who’d never cared about keeping up appearances.  His eyes were red, the skin underneath dark enough that even the shadow cast from his hat couldn’t disguise the lack of sleep. He made his way unsteadily to the table and sat down next to Williams.

Garrus opened his mouth, preparing to speak, to express sympathy, but Joker cut him off. “And before you start with any of that ‘I understand how you feel’ crap— no you don’t.  Everyone knows you can’t say Shepard’s dead until we’ve ID’d the body.  Maybe not even then. She just keeps living… like a cockroach. ”

“You know you could just say, ‘I’m not doing so hot,” right?” Ash scolded him,  but there was still a softness to her voice. “You don’t have to be an ass about it.”

“Yeah, but see… being an ass is way more my style.”

The table went completely quiet as Joker crossed his arms over his chest and scowled, tension palpable enough it might as well have had mass.  Not one for tolerating awkward silences, Garrus ventured a question. “What the hell is a cockroach?”

Ash smiled, clearly thankful for the change in subject, and began to explain. “They’re these—“

“ Beetles ,” Joker cut her off, “Big, disgusting ones that are supposed to be able to survive extreme conditions other organics can’t.”

“Sounds about right,” Garrus admitted with a shrug.

The pilot flinched and glared at him. “Wait. I called Shepard a disgusting beetle and you’re just okay with that?”

“Are you kidding? Why wouldn’t I be,” he asked sarcastically, “It actually explains why she kept molting. ”

“You’re having fun. Stop it,” Joker whined, scowl deepening, “Stop having fun!”

Garrus laughed and threw his hands up in surrender. “This isn’t exactly my idea of fun. My cockroach is missing.”

Joking though he was, his words were honest, something Joker must have detected.  His expression softened even as he puffed his chest out. He deflated immediately as another familiar voice called out, likely interrupting whatever barrage of barbs he’d prepared to hurl at Garrus. This time, it was Vega who strutted over to the table carrying an entire fifth of some sort of human liquor.  Cortez trailed solemnly behind him, examining the rectangular objects in his hands.

“Yo, don’t tell me the party started without us,” shouted Vega, setting the alcohol down on the table with a loud clank , pointing a thumb back at Cortez, “Esteban here took forever polishing the name plaques.”

Garrus stiffened at the mention of the plaques, knowing full and well there had been one commissioned with Shepard’s name on it despite all his protests. Turned out, the Alliance brass didn’t give a damn about some loud mouth former C-Sec officer or his feelings after all. He just hoped none of the humans were able to read the pain in his expression— a hope that was in vain if the sympathetic glance Cortez gave him was any indication.

“What’s that for?” Ashley pointed to the bottle of amber liquid Vega sat on the table.

“What do you think,” Vega asked, as if his intentions should have been completely clear, “I’m going to pour one out for the commander.”

“All over the Normandy's floor?” She raised her brows at him.

“Nah.” He gave her a dismissive wave. “Just down the sink or somethin’.”

She picked the bottle up and examined the label more closely. “But…this is expensive stuff, James.”

“Don’t care,” came Vega’s indignant response, “It’s for Lola.”

Ashley gave him a solemn nod, seeming to understand whatever peculiar human tradition he was planning to perform. Satisfied, Vega turned his attention to Joker, snagging his cap, flipping it around, and placing it down on his head backwards. Joker cursed and grumbled, calling Vega a bully among other things, but Vega just smiled and walked over to Garrus, giving him a supportive clap on the shoulder.

Slowly, the rest of the crew began to filter in, each with their own expressions of concern.  Traynor and Tali arrived together, deep in conversation if the emphatic hand gestures were any indication.  They both quieted as they arrived at the table, Traynor frowning and bowing her head, whileTali approached and slid comfortably  into the seat next to Garrus.

She looked down at the uneaten food and back up at him, giving him a nudge with her elbow and complaining. “You are wasting all of the good dextro rations.”

“Good? Oh, come on,  we both know it’s garbage.”

“Well… yes, but it’s digestible garbage,” she said, holding a finger up to make her point.  Her voice softened when she continued. “And you’ve hardly eaten anything the past few days.”

He sighed and looked down at the rations. “Yeah.”

Tali observed him for a second, eyes glowing behind her helmet. She then grabbed his plate and slid it toward him. “Eat up, Vakarian. Or else I will have to feed you myself… with a spoon I am pretending is the Normandy.”

Garrus let out a laugh despite himself. “I don’t think that’ll work, Tali.”

“You don’t know that.  You haven’t heard my engine noises.”  She laughed along with him for a few seconds, then grew quiet once again and gave him a gentle pat on the back. “The Alliance is going to feel very silly when Shepard gets back and they have to explain why they hung her name up on the wall and sold her hamster.”

“ If she makes it back this time.”

“She will,” Tali asserted, voice cracking, “She has to.”

It was Javik who entered next, voice booming in a debate with Liara, who had taken it upon herself to explain human customs for memorializing the dead. He shook his head and ignored her entirely, stating that if he wished for a history lesson, he would ask for one.  He then snapped his many-eyed gaze to Garrus.

“You should not be saddened about Shepard’s fate, Garrus.  She died with great honor.”

Liara let out an exasperated sigh, and sat down in one of the empty seats at the next table over, bringing her hand to her face.

“What is it, asari?” Javik snapped, “Honor in death is something turians hold in high regard, is it not? This should be a great comfort to him.”

“Perhaps with time,” Liara explained,”But right now it is… insensitive.”

“It’s nothing my dad hasn’t already told me a dozen times,” Garrus stated flatly, “I appreciate the sentiment.”

Weird that a fifty-thousand year-old Prothean reminded him of his dad.  Then again, Castis Vakarian was as about as traditional as turians came, and they butted heads on almost every subject, including but not limited to: Garrus’ disregard for rules, his decision to leave C-Sec—twice, his “risk- and attention-seeking” behavior, and his “absurd infatuation with a human woman”. Their relationship had always been strained, to say the least. Still, he had always been there when Garrus needed him, and listened when it mattered. He was the first call Garrus made from the medbay after the Reapers were destroyed, when he realized Shepard might not be coming back.

He’d been sympathetic, but not even remotely comforting, not unlike Javik was at present. Garrus just didn’t have it in him to explain to either how little he cared about the honorable nature of her sacrifice, the high esteem the galaxy now held her in, or the way history would remember her. None of that mattered when she wasn’t at his side.  How could he be proud, when all he felt was empty?

Once all parties arrived and settled in, the group spent time talking and sharing memories. The Alliance crew members all told stories about encounters with Admiral Anderson, how he more often felt like a parent than a commanding officer, and how his reputation was so much larger than his ego. Traynor did most of the talking about EDI, their friendship, and how seamlessly she’d fit into the crew, how easy it had been to forget she was an AI. Joker just pulled the bill of his cap down to cover his eyes.  Then, the reminiscence moved to the commander.

Every single person present had a story about Shepard, about how she went above and beyond the call of duty to help them, and to make sure they were taken care of while aboard the Normandy.  Shepard had always taken time to check in with the people who worked for her, even when the galaxy was falling apart and herself along with it.  She was a good leader, arguably the best, and an even better friend.  It was clear that everyone in the room admired her, and that she was missed.

Garrus knew he should say something, tell one of the many stories of the trouble he and Shepard had gotten into together. The others all watched him expectantly as he scrambled for words.

“I—“ he began, but was interrupted by the buzzing of his omni-tool, followed by several bright flashes of light. He cursed and pulled up the interface to silence the damn thing.  An urgent message alert flashed on his screen, and he tapped the icon to open it.

From: Dr. Chloe Michel

Subject: Jane Doe

Dear Garrus,

I hope this email reaches you, and that you are still alive to read it.  I am on the Citadel working with an emergency medical unit out of what is left of  Huerta Memorial. The blast from the Crucible caused some severe structural damage near the epicenter, and we have been searching the area to find and identify survivors and remains.

There is a Jane Doe here, who I believe you might know. Please contact me on a private channel whenever you are able.

Take Care,

Chloe

His heart sank like lead into his gut as he read what could only be a request to come in and identify a corpse.  The space around him was suddenly too full, too loud, and the curious eyes of his companions lingered on him for far longer than comfortable. He tapped the display on his omni-tool once again to close it, glancing around the room from one set of eyes to another.

“It’s nothing,” he lied. The truth would only cause unnecessary alarm he wasn’t equipped to handle at the moment.  He stood abruptly, a jolt of pain coursing through his leg that was still recovering from a fracture, and excused himself. “Just need to make a quick call.”

“Now,” Liara asked, frowning, “But the memorial ceremony was just about to begin.”

“So start without me,” he snapped and made his way to the main battery.  He’d apologize later, when his world wasn’t caving in.

The battery doors shut behind him with a familiar hiss and he sank down into his seat next to the workbench where his favorite rifle lay surrounded by tools and unused thermal clips. It had taken a beating in the battle on Earth, and Garrus had poured over repairing it in the days following its end.  He hadn’t touched it since.  There were no more enemies to fight, and the gun just reminded him of Shepard.

Bringing up his omni-tool once again, Garrus established a link using the information Michel provided him.  He only waited a second or two before a voice on the other end picked up.

“Garrus,” exclaimed the woman, “I am so glad you received my message.”

“About that Jane Doe,” he began, cutting straight to the chase, “I— do you need me to identify the b— her ?”

“No… it is Commander Shepard,” she explained, “I am absolutely certain.”

“ Oh, ” Garrus said with the breath he’d been holding.  He was glad he was already sitting down, as the last shreds of hope he’d been clinging to slipped from his grasp leaving him dizzy and sick.  It was Shepard.  She was dead. There was nothing to be done about it.

He took a minute to collect himself and his thoughts, cleared his throat and told the doctor, “I, uh…I’m not really sure how to— I mean, I guess I should make funeral arrangements. That’d be better than letting the Alliance—“

“Garrus,” Michel interjected firmly, “She’s alive.”

“ What,” he asked, more loudly than he’d intended.  Hoping nobody had overheard outside, he lowered his voice and continued, “I mean, how is she? What’s her condition? Is she going to—”

“I won’t lie to you,” the doctor interrupted again, “Her injuries are serious, and she has been comatose since we found her.  Still, her vitals are strong and stable at present. She is a fighter.”

“She is.”

The line was silent for a beat then Michel spoke up again.  “I had a wonder… Shepard’s body has, ehm… extensive cybernetic modification. More extensive than I have seen. We are not certain how, or if it is even possible to repair all of the damage.”

One name came immediately to mind. “Miranda Lawson.”

“Pardon?”

“You need to contact Miranda Lawson,” Garrus clarified,  “She is an ex-Cerberus operative, the scientist responsible for Shepard’s upgrades. And a friend. She will be able to help. I can send you her contact information.”

“Good, yes. I will contact her immediately,” Michel replied, relief noticeable in her voice. She then sighed and said, “I apologize for sending such a vague email.  I am realizing now that it was likely… anxiety provoking. I simply did not wish for the wrong people to find out about Shepard’s survival.”

Garrus huffed, “Yeah, if the media caught wind of this, it’d be a circus.”

“That is what I feared,” she agreed with a sigh, “Besides, I thought you should be the first to see her. I know she is important to you.”

“Thank you, doc. For everything.”

“It is the very least I can do.  I owe my life to the both of you. Twice over, now it would seem:”

“I’ll get to the Citadel as soon as I can.”

“Talk to you then.”

The call ended with a beep and Garrus shut off his omni-tool display, staring blankly at the wall on the opposite side of the room for several minutes, attempting to recover from the emotional whiplash the last half hour had given him.  He took a deep breath, rose to his feet, and headed back out to the mess hall.

All eyes turned to him as he made his way toward the memorial wall just outside the elevator.  EDI’s and Anderson’s names had already been placed, tears already shed. Now they looked to Garrus, Cortez approaching with the name plaque meant to commemorate Shepard’s death. He took the polished silver plate and examined it, light glinting off its corners as he stepped up to the wall.  For a long moment he traced the letters of a name that had come to mean so much to him, to those crowded in the narrow hallway around him, to the hundreds of thousands who’d cheered from ships in the massive fleet she’d rallied and led to victory, and to the billions of lives she’d saved across the galaxy.  Shepard deserved so much more than a name on a wall.

And now, just maybe, she could have it.

Garrus would have preferred to keep  Shepard’s survival to himself, to snag her from the hospital and elope to some secluded tropical paradise where nobody could ask anything of either of them again, except “Would you like a refill on that incredibly alcoholic beverage?” But he knew he couldn’t do that.  After all, he was not the only one who loved her.

Lowering the plaque, he turned to face the others, all of whom looked at him with a mix of confusion and concern.  He glanced down at Shepard’s name again, mandibles flaring out reflexively as relief and excitement swelled in his chest.

“They found her.  They found Shepard,” he told them, bringing his eyes to meet their gazes as he spoke. “She’s alive.”

[themadauthorshatter]

... I'm in the mood for angst and shenanigans.

And I want Maven to be happy, and see Elara get her just desserts😈

Thomaven Headcanons FT. The Happy Ending AU.

Elara is LIVID that Thomas is alive, because it distracts Maven more than Mare ever did.

She has him thrown in a dungeon in Silent Stone in it. Maven goes to visit a couple hours later to find Thomas breathing lightly and not moving, cold and eyes fluttering shut.

Maven pulls him out if there and gets him to his room, and Thomas is right as rain, though he is a little annoyed.

Thomas asks if Maven's going to snitch to his mother and try decapitation, and Maven gawks at him, asking why Thomas is being so hostile.

Thomas snaps that Maven's not the same, something that breaks the younger Calore prince, and calls him a monster and a spitting image of what Silvers are, cold, ruthless, and crueler than false hope in Hell. When Maven remains silent, save for a whispered, "How?" Thomas spells it out for him: He killed his father. He ruined his brother's life. He ruined Mare's life. He tried to kill them both, even after all the time he'd spent with them. He tortured and branded Mare. He killed innocent people just for Mare, one of them being a helpless infant. And, to top it off, he has the balls to try running back to Thomas after trying and failing with a girl he'd manipulated and lied to; ran to something new and shiny when the old model didn't satisfy, anymore.

Maven remains absolutely silent, fighting back the urges to scream, to slap Thomas, and to just cry because his head hurts, but only manages, "Get out."

Thomas, still pissed, folds his arms and asks, "Should I ask for an escort or should I show myself the way out?"

They remain silent and Thomas goes to leave.

Maven races to the door and closes it, holding it shut, even when Thomas asks him if he's changing his mind, or if his mother's piloting. Maven asks why he's asking, and how he knows that, and Thomas scoffs that Cal's more observant than Maven and Elara give him credit for.

Thomas tries again to leave, but Maven still holds the door shut and then lunges, wrapping his arms around Thomas, shoulders shaking and breathing ragged.

"I'm so sorry."

Even after everything he did, and with everything he's possibly going to do, Thomas still hugs back, glad to have the boy he fell head over heels for back.

The sentinels find them, but Maven orders them to lock Thomasin in a cell closer to the one Mare was in in King's Cage and that Samos guards be put on watch rather than Arvens.

Maven visits him whenever he's got free time, and Thomas only wants time with him if he stops hunting Newbloods and steps everyone in Corros free, Silvers and Newbloods. Maven tells him it's too much of a political risk, and Thomas replies that he'd better look for a new toy, because this one has a higher price than Mare.

The Scarlet Guard causes so much more headaches for Maven, which are relieved by Thomas, who gets more open when there aren't more Newbloods being captured and killed.

Thomas becomes Maven's anchor, and it's funny to Thomas, in an ironic way, to see a Silver king cry; he's never seen a Silver cry.

Elara sees Thomas as a pure hinderence and wants to kill him.

She ordered an Arven to beat the living daylights out of him, which Maven had no idea of until she had him sit next to her and watch on the cameras.

He kept his composure, but when he met up with a slightly bloodied and bruised Thomas later, he took Thomas in the bathroom and the two broke down, Maven apologizing because he didn't know and Thomas just done with the fact he's like this; he should be dead, but he isn't, Maven's on the throne and not his brother or father, Elara's a bitch with a capital B, and they can't even leave because Elara with kill them both, he's sure of it.

It's here Maven comes up with a plan.

Elara plans and tries locking him in Corros, but no one can find him, not even Maven.

She does look around in his head and finds nothing, but Samson, not convinced, decides to rummage around instead while Maven sleeps; he makes him remember, but forces him to stay asleep.

Turns out he was half lying because Samson finds a memory of Maven leading Thomas through a servant passage and let him run free from there.

And it turns out they kissed, as well.

You would not BELIEVE how angry Elara was when Samson told her.

Maven locked himself in a silent stone cell and held the keys on him so no one could let him out, or get inside his mind and make him kill Thomas.

Samson does order guards to drag Maven out, but Elara tells him to take a hike so she can be alone with her son.

She knealt on the ground by the cell door and watches as Maven lies on his side, his hands over his ears, and his back to her as he's curled up as tightly as he can be.

She asks him to talk to her, and Maven asks her why she did it, why she screwed him up so badly. Tiberias loved Cal as much as Elara loved Maven, but he never scrambled Cal's brain to make him who he was, so why did she do it if she loved him so much? Elara reiterates that she does love him, as he's her only son, thank goodness, and wanted to make him the best person he could be.

Maven snaps and turns to face her on his knees so they're at eye level. Is love hating who your child is so much you have to literally change them from the inside out? Is love taking every chance they had at happiness to better suit your desires? Is love making you hate the few people you were close with so they never leave your side? Maven doesn't know a lot about love, but he knows that NONE of that counts as it.

Elara barks that he's being a child, that he's forgetting everything she did for him to get him where he is now; he's the King of Norta, what greater honor is that?

Maven asks what honor that is for Elara, to know that her son, Maven of House Merandus, is the one on the throne. It could have been anyone in House Merandus, but it was her son that had the throne, so that was something to rub in her family's face, and it must've felt even better to know she got the throne even after cheating and murdering her way through Queenstrial and to Tibe's side.

Elara shouts, "SILENCE!" and the two fall silent, Maven resting against the wall, his side to her, as he murmurs brokenly that she made him a murderer. The infant and boy he killed were children, innocents that never deserved to be hunted for existing. He chuckles that in a way, he's just like Elara. He's killed, he lied his way to the throne, and he destroyed anyone and everyone in his path.

Elara is silent, only staring at him, before reachimg a hand through the bars and asking him to come out so they can talk face to face, and then he can have whatever he wants.

Maven only wants one thing and he's not leaving until she gives it to him:

He wants his memories and feelings back. He wants his love for Cal back, he wants his dreams back, even if it results in his nightmares returning as well, he wants his love for Tibe back, whatever sliver there was so he can feel a fraction of what Cal's feeling, he wants to care about Mare without the urge to keep her locked up and chained to his side, because she loves Cal, and he wants his memories of Thomas back, the ones from before the fire that made him think he killed the first person he ever unconditionally loved, the person he helped run so Elara wouldn't take him away, too.

He wants off the throne, too. He wants to disappear without a trace and not strings attached. He wants to leave, and doesn't want his mother to follow him; she's done enough for and to him.

Elara, trying to stifle a chuckle, asks if he thinks disappearing is possible for him. If he tells the truth, they'll both be executed, and it'll be an arm's race for someone to take the throne. Norta needs a King, and Maven can't leave until there's another worthy successor for the throne, which won't happen anytime soon because Cal's gone and Anabel's not coming within a mile radius of Elara. Maven snarks that Volo Samos can have the throne, seeing as he wants it almost as badly as Elara does(now that I think about it, they'd make a great and terrible couple). Elara raises an eyebrow and gives a bitter laugh and smile, asking Maven if he really wants Volo Samos, the one person who was hell bent on getting Evangeline to be Queen, who is so set in his own Silver beliefs that he's planning on abdicating, if Maven doesn't prove to ne worth backing.

When Maven remains silent, Elara's smile drops and she holds her hands and forehead against the cell bars, practically begging him to think about what he'll do next, so she doesn't lose him; regardless of how Maven feels about her, Elara loves her son to Hell and back. She's not exactly close to her family, so Maven's all she really has. If he dies, she has nothing.

This sentiment is left with silence, even as Elara takes the hint and stands, walking away to leave.

At least until Maven stands up and walks up to the bars, which fills Elara's twisted, fucked up cavity where her heart should be with joy.

It goes away when she sees the glare Maven gives her, colder than ice and more pissed off than Ptolemus protecting Evangeline.

"Stay away from all of them, Mother. Cal, Mare, Thomas, and every Newblood from here to Montfort. If you hurt them, any of them, I'll leave this palace, and Norta. I'll disappear and make sure you will never see me again."

Elara, out of pure parental instinct, calls his bluff; he cares about that Newblood rat he cooked extra crispy too much. Maven pulls out a gun he's been hiding in his coat and shoots at the ceiling before holding it against his temple; "Try me."

There are tears in Maven's eyes, and they roll down his cheeks. Elara may be evil and a bitch, but she's still his mother and he will always live her.

She leaves for real and neither see each other for a few days. At all. Maven's ordered the servants to say he's nowhere to be found, when asked and it drives Samson crazy and further breaks Elara's heart(GOOD!).

She 'finds' Maven at the breakfast table about a week later, and he's so reserved he won't even let her hug him or come near him. He won't let her in his mind either because he's wearing a silent stone manacle on his wrist. They eat, making little small talk, until they're both done and sit in silence for a long time, still affected by the last conversation they had.

Maven concedes to staying on the throne, but only until there's another candidate who can take his place, and as long as Elara puts back the pieces she took from him, even what he asked for her to cut out. Elara hates that, but agrees, noting that Maven is hiding a weapon; he's never been such a loose canon, so she'd best be careful.

Hypothetically speaking, the series plays out with Elara 'fixing' Maven before leaving for Corros and never returning(Mare's fault), Thomas realizing Maven's a goner without his psychopath mother to shield him, and the gang at a pure shock and awe loss for what to do when Maven not only revokes his father's measures, but also bans anyone from harming any Newbloods or Ardents, lest they end up dying instead.

Samson does try ruling through Maven, but Mavey wears a silent stone manacle to keep him out.

Time jump to after everything goes crazy and calms down, and Maven and Thomas meet back up and hug, glad the other is alive.

FLUFF TIME!!!!

They find a place Thomas discovered and that becomes their home.

They share a bed, and thank goodness because Maven cannot sleep alone after what's happened.

Thomas has to teach Maven how to cook and clean.

He often calls Maven a child or a baby, both because he doesn't know how to cook and clean and because he's younger than Thomas.

Maven doesn't wear his flamemakers as much, because he doesn't want to burn Thomas again.

Thomas once found Maven napping on the couch and carefully moved so he could sleep next to him.

Roomates? Don't make either of them laugh. Thomas just knew a place and Maven followed.

Thank goodness Thomas isn't allergic to fur, or can't react to it, because Dagger and Violet fall in love with him so fast.

Violet, being the cat brat she is, loves being on Thomas's shoulders.

For all you that need the juicy details, you can usually find Maven on Thomas's lap; it's Maven's guilty pleasure favorite spot and Thomas's best view of Maven, both in and outside of the bed😉

Maven, after getting fixed by his mother(the ONLY good thing she did), can't fall asleep unless he's either holding something or in Thomas's arms.

Cute, friendly, just for fun wrestling matches, either over who has to get up to do chores or who has the remote, that ends with Thomas on top of Maven and the two kissing, because love.

Dagger breaks it up for Violet's sake.

Maven REFUSES to be carried places.

Thomas often pulls a 'Cal' mlve and holds things over Maven's head, just to see angry puppy Maven. It's so adorable.

Things they NEVER joke about: food that's as burnt as Thomas, things that are as broken as Maven(the pieces are put together, but the cracks are still there), who'd be a better ruler, murder, marriage and betrothal, and just all the negative things that they went through.

They DO talk about those negative things, and try to argue as little as possible; neither can stand the sound of yelling, period.

They can stand recovered reruns of Game of Thrones, surprisingly.

Cal's more than happy to have his brother back and see him happy as can be with Thomas at his side.

Maven's so surprised Cal, Evangeline, and Ptolemus abdicate the throne.

After holding Thomas's hand, he has no regrets or fears.

Super private wedding. Only Cal, Mare, and a handful of people are invited, and that's it.

Maven finds his mother's grave and tells her he's happier than he can remember. He thanks her for helping him, and for helping him be with Thomas, who he can't imagine living without.

He apologizes for everything he said to her and hopes her well enough, wherever she is(we ALL know she ain't doing well���.).

You know that meme with the dog sitting around a bunch of plants and saying, "This is fine?" Imagine that, but with Maven staring out a window as it rains with Thomas behind him, Dagger next to Maven and getting back pets, Violet snuggled up in Thomas's neck, and Thomas and Maven enjoying some tea; this is not fine, this is perfect.

[kanerallels]

for your 111 celebration - star wars, kanera, karaoke??? :D

It would be my pleasure!!!

Pairing: Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla

Word Count: TBD, I'm currently on mobile with no way of checking

Tags/Warning: rated G (for good grief, Kanan you drama queen). The only objectional thing is the fact that Ezra is presented as Kanan's biological son with very little explanation. TW for alcohol

The first time Hera Syndulla saw Kanan Jarrus after Gorse was nothing like what she’d expected.

She was in a cantina on Mykapo, waiting for Sabine to return from her mission-- the Mandalorian girl was picking up intel from one of their contacts who lived there, and Hera was watching her back from a distance. It was a good learning experience for the teenager, and she had Chopper with her. Hera was more than happy to sit in the bar waiting for her crew’s return-- and treat herself to a drink while she was at it.

Settled at one of the stools, Hera waited patiently for the bartender to come serve her. As she did so, her gaze wandered around the room. It was the standard cantina, containing quite a motley crew of beings, although not as many as there would be after the average work day. Then it would be filled to the brim with them. In the back of the room was a stage and a karaoke machine, currently being used by a very drunk, very tone deaf Quarren.

She wasn’t sure what made her glance to her side-- perhaps a slight rustle of sound, or the sudden sensation that someone was close by. But she did, and was startled to meet the bright blue eyes of a boy, who couldn’t have been much older than twelve.

“Hi,” he said, giving her a grin. “I’m Ezra. What’s your name?”

“...hi,” Hera responded, caught somewhat off guard. Regaining her equilibrium, she offered him her hand. “I’m Hera. It’s nice to meet you, Ezra.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” Ezra said, shaking her hand solemnly.

Curiosity flickering through her, Hera asked, “So, Ezra, what brings you to this bar? I’m… pretty sure kids aren’t allowed in here-- no offense.”

“None taken-- they’re not,” Ezra said with a shrug. “But the owner makes an exception for me, cause I’m awesome. Also, my dad works here.”

“Your dad, huh?” Hera gave the kid a once-over, taking in his scruffy blue-black hair and relatively clean orange jumpsuit. Nothing that would signify he was telling the truth-- but then, there was very little that would point to the opposite. “And where is your dad right now?”

Seeming unconcerned by her questions, Ezra craned his neck, looking around as the Quarren on stage stumbled off to several boos from the crowd. “Huh. Could have sworn he was-- ah-ha!! There he is!”

Ezra pointed, and Hera followed his hand to the karaoke stage, where a new song was starting on the machine. Standing next to it, holding the microphone, was a tall, familiar figure she hadn't thought she'd ever see again.

Kanan Jarrus sent her a crooked grin, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he lifted the microphone and said, “I'd like to dedicate this song to a special someone out there sitting at the bar next to my kid, the drop dead gorgeous Twi'lek woman. You know who you are.”

“Because you just told everyone,” Hera pointed out in exasperation, but Kanan didn't seem to be listening-- nor did the crowd, all of whom seemed deeply invested. Grinning widely, he started to sing, his voice a deep, rich baritone:

“I musta been through about a million girls,

I love em and I leave em alone

I didn’t care how much they cried, no sir,

Their tears left me cold as a stone.

But then I fooled around and fell in love,

I fooled and fell in love…”

Hera had to give it to him-- he had a good voice, better than she’d expected. Catching her eye, Kanan shot her a wink, and Hera dropped her head into her hands in exasperation. “So, he hasn’t changed at all,” she observed to herself.

“Wait, do you know Kanan?” Ezra asked, sounding delighted. “That’s awesome! How do you know him?”

“We met about five years ago,” Hera told him, pointedly avoiding Kanan’s gaze. “On Gorse. He was--”

“Wait, you’re the Gorse lady?” Ezra gasped, his eyes going wide. “No WAY. Kanan mentioned you a couple times.”

“Did he,” Hera said, raising an eyebrow. “Please, tell me exactly what he said.” She wasn’t exactly sure why Kanan would be talking about her with this kid-- his son? The ages didn’t exactly match up-- but she was definitely curious as to how it had come up.

Ezra frowned thoughtfully. “Let’s see-- I remember! He told me you were the best pilot he’d ever met, and that you were kinda crazy but also really smart and good at what you did-- but most importantly, he said that he'd trust you to watch his back.”

“What?” Hera said, taken aback. She'd expected parts of what Ezra said, and was even secretly pleased about the pilot part. But to know that she had Kanan's trust? That struck a different chord for Hera.

“I know,” Ezra said, nodding gravely. “It surprised me, too. Kanan doesn't really trust people. I mean, I've seen him trust people before, but it's been a really long time. So when I heard that he trusted you, I knew you had to be special to him.”

“I don't think that's quite true,” Hera said, mildly embarrassed. “Kanan and I-- well, we only knew each other for a little while. I don’t think he could have learned to trust me that much in that little time.” But even as she spoke, she remembered on the Forager, the moment when the ship was coming to pieces around them and Kanan had used the Force to save her. He’d showed her his deepest secret in that moment, a secret that could easily have him killed. But he’d trusted her with it. Maybe Ezra is on to something.

Shrugging, Ezra said, “Maybe, but I think he sees something special about you. Or hears-- he also mentioned your voice.”

As Hera turned that over in her mind, Kanan's song ended. The entire cantina burst into applause, and Hera couldn't resist an eye roll at his antics as he gave the crowd a wave and a bow. Strolling off of the stage, Kanan moved behind the bar and towards where Hera was sitting.

As he approached, Hera lifted an eyebrow at him. “Very impressive,” she said dryly. “Who would have thought you could sing?”

“I live to please,” Kanan said, leaning against the bar and grinning at her. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Hera said. “I do have one issue with the whole performance, however. Did it occur to you that I might be trying to keep a low profile, and wouldn’t want the entire bar staring at me?”

“Trust me, most of them are so drunk they won’t remember our names, faces or what song I chose,” Kanan assured her. “I wouldn’t dream of messing with whatever you’re up to now. We all remember how that went last time.”

“I didn’t think it went that badly,” Hera said, and Kanan’s grin widened.

“Oh, really?”

Giving him a look, Hera said, “The mission. I completed my objective, after all.”

“I suppose you did, Captain.” Straightening up, Kanan asked, “So, what can I get you?”

“Something non-alcoholic,” Hera said. “I’m here on business.”

“I’ve got the perfect thing. So, business, eh?” Kanan made a face as he opened the mini fridge behind him and pulled out a bottle of juice. “That never means anything good.”

“I thought you wanted to avoid that sort of thing,” Hera pointed out.

“Good point,” Kanan said, handing her a glass full of the juice. Hera took a sip and was pleasantly surprised at the familiar tangy taste of meiloorun, combined with something a little sweeter. As she took another sip, Kanan turned to Ezra. “And kid, what are you doing out here? We’ve talked about this.”

“It’s boring in the back,” Ezra protested. “There’s nothing to do, and no one to talk to. Don’t worry, Hera’s keeping an eye on me.”

Kanan’s gaze flashed from the kid to Hera. “Oh, she is now, is she? Well, you can’t sit at the bar, at the least. Come back here, okay?”

Ezra grumbled something, but vaulted over the bar in a very Kanan-like move. As he disappeared behind the bar, Hera said quietly, “I didn’t know you had a kid.”

“Recent development,” Kanan said calmly, and there was a snort from down where Ezra had settled.

“Try five years!”

“That, too,” Kanan agreed, but Hera’s mind was busy matching up the timeline.

“Five years? That was around the time we first met, wasn’t it?”

Nodding, Kanan said, “Yeah. It was actually shortly after that.”

“Was that why you didn’t come with me?”

“More or less.”

Ezra’s head appeared from behind the bar. “Wait, you asked Kanan to go with you? You never told me that! Were you two lovers?”

Hera nearly choked on her drink and Kanan let out a long sigh. “EZRA. We’ve talked about these kinds of questions.”

“You said I could ask you whatever I wanted,” Ezra pointed out. “The first day I moved in with you--”

“Yeah, I know, and you’ve proceeded to never let it go since. No, we were not lovers.”

“Not for lack of trying on your part,” Hera murmured into her juice.

“Ouch.”

“It’s just the truth, dear.”

“Fair enough,” Kanan muttered, a slight grin slipping across his face as Ezra snickered down by his feet.

“I like her.” he told the older man.

“Me, too,” Kanan told Ezra. Turning to Hera, he said, “So, it’s been a minute and a half since we talked. How’ve you been? Find some more crew for that gorgeous ship of yours?”

“I did,” Hera said, a small smile crossing her face. “I think you’d like them.”

“No idea if that’s a compliment for them,” Kanan joked. A serious look crossed his face. “However… I’m glad. Whoever this person is. I’ve always maintained that you needed more support in your life.”

“You never once said that,” Hera pointed out.

“No? Must have been someone else.”

“Must have been,” Hera said lightly. She paused for a minute, studying Kanan closely. He looked different-- older, of course. And despite his cavalier attitude, there was a new layer of something, responsibility, perhaps.

But more than any of those, he looked tired. Now that he was directly across from her, Hera could see the dark shadows under his eyes, and while he still leaned against the bar casually, there was the slightest slump to his shoulders. “Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

One of Kanan’s eyebrows shot up, and he looked caught off guard. “What?”

“You look exhausted,” Hera told him, deciding to just get straight to the point. Kanan opened his mouth, presumably to make some joke, and Hera speared him with a glare. “The truth, please.”

He closed his mouth with an audible snap, then sighed. “It’s been a long month. I’ve been working a lot lately. And this time of year is always… hard.”

Hera saw his gaze flick down to where Ezra was, and she frowned slightly. She knew Empire Day was coming up soon-- clearly, it had some special significance for these two.

She started to ask him another question, but heard a commotion behind her. Kanan’s gaze snapped up, and his hand slid towards where a blaster was. Hera turned and spotted Sabine and Chopper making a beeline towards her. “They’re with me,” she told him.

“This is your crew? Seems a little young,” Kanan remarked.

“Said the man with a son he didn’t tell me about,” Hera shot back, although she was getting less and less convinced that Ezra was Kanan’s biological son.

Before Kanan could respond, Sabine was next to them, the look in her eyes urgent. “Hera, we’ve got something.”

“What is?” Hera asked, and Sabine’s gaze moved to Kanan warily. “He’s fine,” Hera assured the Mandalorian.

Holding up a hand, Kanan said, “Don’t worry, Mandalorian. I want absolutely nothing to do with this.” Grabbing a cleaning rag, he began wiping down the surface of the bar.

“Not sure if that’s reassuring, but whatever,” Sabine said. Looking back at Hera, she said, “We got a lead.”

“On the survivor from Lasan?” Hera asked in shock. She felt Kanan’s gaze shift back towards them, but focused on Sabine. “Tell me everything.”

“Apparently, he was spotted a few days ago-- Hera, we have a location. He’s hiding out on Pantora.”

“Pantora? That’s only a few days from here.” Making up her mind on the spot, Hera turned to Kanan and slid him a few credits. “Thanks for the drink-- I need to go.”

He didn’t take the money. “You found a Lasat survivor?” he asked, his voice sounding stunned. “There are some left?”

“Only the one that we know of,” Sabine said, eying him warily. “Why? Also who is this?”

Kanan ignored her and turned to Hera. “Let me come with you.”

Hera’s eyes shot wide. “What? Kanan, now’s not the time for--”

“Hera, I’m serious. Let me come with you. I can help.” Kanan’s voice was shockingly urgent as he leaned across the bar, his gaze locking with Hera’s. “Please. I can help you get him to safety.”

“Why exactly do you want to help so much?” Sabine asked, her tone dripping with skepticism.

Kanan’s gaze didn’t leave Hera’s as he replied, “Because I’ve been where he is.”

Oh. Oh, kriff.

Hera hesitated for a moment, then nodded. “You can come.”

“What?” Sabine’s incredulity was almost immediately drowned out as Ezra jumped up from behind the bar.

“YES!!! Finally, we can leave Mykapo, it’s SO BORING here.”

“What the-- Who’s this?” Sabine demanded. “Hera--”

“I’ll explain on the way,” Hera promised. Looking at Kanan, she said, “Meet us in the space port. We’re in docking bay seven.”

“We’ll be there in fifteen minute,” Kanan replied, already moving, Ezra all but skipping at his side.

As Hera led the way out of the cantina, her two companions brimming with questions and suspicion, she had to admit-- she hadn’t expected to leave Mykapo with new crew members. But for whatever reason, she had a really good feeling about this, and about Kanan Jarrus. It all depended on what happened next, and Hera was very interested to see what that was.

[hatboyproject]

This is very long, but it might be of interest to someone, somewhere. I was asked recently about the direction I'm taking this romance in and whether or not I'll be addressing certain disability specific subjects within it. The answer, of course, is yes - I have always planned to do this in one form or another. Whilst no single piece of media can address everything I'd like to say on the subject, and I am working within the bounds of a larger story with its own pacing and focus to consider, there's still room to touch on some of these things.

I'm aware that my interpretations won't always be the same as others'. They are my interpretations, coloured by my experiences and feelings, and ultimately, this is my mod - I'm writing it for everybody who 'wears the ballcap,' so to speak! But, it's my interpretation of this character that I'm trying to share with everyone. Different people "took the helm" (laugh, I'm hilarious!) on writing Jeff across the trilogy, and as time has gone on I've been trying to convince myself that it's okay to have my turn at doing that, too - albeit in a non-professional capacity. So... Let's get into my interpretation of Jeff, where his stuff comes from on my view, and how things went to get him to where we are at the beginning of ME3, where the romance can occur.

A lot of how I interpret him comes from experiences in my own life with my own issues, and with those of my loved ones, some of whom are physically disabled in similar (but not identical) ways to Jeff. Some of this carries an element of catharsis for me.

Mechanically and narratively speaking, what draws me to writing this romance is the contrast between how these two characters are strong. It's this core idea that strength doesn't have only one manifestation in a person. That loving somebody doesn't have to be done only one way, that it can be beautiful and passionate and fulfilling - even if, when it gets physical, the headboard can't exactly be made to shatter with the force of it all. For me, it's also an exercise in insecurity and dealing with feelings of frustrated inadequacy - something that has plagued me my whole life.

Yes, yes, he's fictional - but the only way for me to really get into a character is to think about them as if they're a real being. When I look at Jeff as a person, I see many things... Some very positive, some pretty negative... I try to see him as a complete person with strengths and flaws.

On the surface he is often defensive, dismissive, sarcastic, and emotionally avoidant. But why is that? He is highly skilled, dedicated and capable, and knows it, but at the same time is a person who is constantly overlooked, underestimated, and asked to work thrice as hard to get the same considerations. Even then, his validity is questioned often by almost everyone around him. Over time, combined with the realities of living with his physical condition, this has given him some deep-seated insecurities. He feels the need to brag about his skills because they are, ultimately, the one thing about himself that he is absolutely certain has real worth. He overcompensates for this by abusing rules and technicalities wherever he can, because I think he knows that if he played life by the rules, he'd never have gotten anywhere. It's a stacked deck, so why not hide some aces up his sleeve? When you don't fit in the box provided, you question the value of every box you see.

When a person lives with this long enough, it can get hard to swim against the tide of society's expectations and still remain chipper about it, let alone not internalise some of it. It can cause a person to create a shell constructed out of distrust and untruth.

Living with a disability can really suck sometimes, and the suck is compounded when having to deal with your own frustrations plus those of others. In my personal experience, that happens a lot.

There is a certain sense of alienation that it can create, and it can become a kind of Sword of Damocles. It can be easier to anticipate rejection and others' assumptions, inabilities to understand or relate than to keep reaching out, only to have the same tired conversations about being different. I see a lot of this in him. I understand the chip he has on his shoulder.

I also see an extremely sensitive, empathetic, devoted and boundlessly loving person under all that. In fact, it's because of these things that I think he actively tries to distance himself. At the core of his being, I see Jeff as somebody who loves quickly and completely. I think he sees that as a vulnerability, incompatible with what he's learned he has to do to survive... and also with the machismo thing that comes with being a pilot. I think on some level he's terrified of that about himself, but he also can't help it. Jeff is ride or die. So, he tells himself he doesn't care and never lets anyone in. Any time anyone showed interest, he'd shut them down, alienate them, distance himself, and get in the seat of something that flies.

I think up until now, (ME3) he's seen intimacy both as a thing he longs for, but is also afraid of because of his fundamental knowledge that he is different. He thinks he can't "measure up" to what he sees all around him. He sees romance as something that will lead to his inevitable rejection and being crushed, emotionally - and if he's not careful, physically, too. I think he's embarrassed about that as well. He's very interested where it comes to all that, but the things he likes to watch, he knows he can't do like that. His only experience is second-hand as a voyeur, so some of his perceptions about that are unhealthy for him. I think any kind of attempt by the medical professionals in his life to broach the topic and offer support on, he's angrily changed the subject, or stopped listening to, because of the entire mess above. I think Jeff is kind of a lonely person, and some of it is self-imposed, though the reasons for him thinking it's the right thing to do aren't all within his control.

All this is difficult for him to reconcile with, because he has been desperately in love with his commanding officer since almost the moment s/he met him, but entirely unprepared to face it.

I think at first it was easy for him to dismiss it as a stupid crush. Everyone gets them when cramped up in close quarters in stressful situations and the Commander's magnetism was hard to ignore. But then it became clear that Shepard really hadn't read his file and really hadn't made any assumptions at all about him. S/he just wanted to know him, and as time progressed and that actually bore out, it got hard not to really feel something powerful, even though s/he was the Commander and it wasn't strictly appropriate to think that way. But, then there was that thing about not fitting in the box provided...

I think he agonised over coming to Shepard with it, but ultimately decided it would be selfish with everything they were going through. I think there was a part of him that decided s/he'd never be interested anyway, not when there were other, healthier people to choose from... People who didn't have these hangups or need special accommodations made for them. I think he decided to keep it to himself, for what he felt was both their sakes.

If/When the Commander quietly hooked up with someone else, I think he had a lot of feelings all at once. On the one hand, the person he cared for most was finding some peace in all the craziness. On the other, he wished that particular brand of peace was shared with him. Most of the time there were more important things to worry about, but during downtime, I think it was on his mind a lot.

I think he feels very sheepish about it, but occasionally his jealousy got the better of him and he interrupted Shepard at moments that got too hard to watch on the security cams. He watched the cams around the ship lot, and listened in on all the others a fair bit. I think because he saw himself as being at a remove from most people in a lot of ways, it was easy to justify that to himself. I think he saw it kind of like listening to a podcast or a soap opera or... Nature documentary, almost, or something. He got to know all of them in this way... Parasocially at first, but gradually, socially too. He felt better about trying, because he had this secret edge. Not the greatest stuff he's ever done, but... Complete person. Strengths and flaws.

And then, the unthinkable happened. He couldn't accept that the ship was dying. He was sure he could save it... But when Shepard's hand touched his shoulder, when s/he'd come back for him, he knew it was over. And then, it really was over. Shepard paid the price for his arrogance. The person he wanted to protect the most spun off out into space. The communicator between his mask and that helmet was still in range for long enough that he could hear the choking. For a long time afterward, even hearing people cough made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

The Alliance grounded him. I don't think he even had the capacity to be mad about it. I think that was a hard time for Jeff. I think between being burdened with the knowledge of the Reapers, the loss of Shepard, and the weight of his guilt, he was pretty close to the very, very edge when Cerberus knocked on his door and made him a bunch of promises. Pretty sure those promises had nothing to do with leather seats and everything to do with Project Lazarus. I'm very sure that the promise of Shepard coming back is the reason he even let Cerberus pay for the surgeries he agreed to undergo, because I don't think he valued himself much at all at that point. I'm pretty sure it was being ready to help Shepard that he was thinking about when he was learning to walk on his painful legs without crutches for the very first time. When Cerberus offered him a big shiny reset button I think he took it without hesitation because there wasn't anything else to hope for. I think seeing Shepard in the docking bay galvanised him and without ever telling them so, he pledged his life to them even harder than before. I think he told himself that he would support Shepard in every way he could. He would go wherever, do whatever, and when dealing with him, try to give them what he knew they needed; a goddamn break.

So, fast forward again, and now we are here. With all of this in mind... Shepard might have had a dalliance with someone else, or might've been too damaged by their previous love interest on Horizon, or whatever. Either way, I think Jeff saw it as not his business to even dream about that. I think the guilt tore him up every time he looked at Shepard. I think he felt like on some level, he deserved the pain of unrequited feelings which only ever got more intense. If he didn't think himself worthy of it back then, doubly so now. I think during the six months of house arrest, he tried to visit, but the Alliance denied his every attempt. Then the attack on Earth happened.

And so now we have Jeff, who, just like other humans is confused and groping about for a sense of what's up and what's down. Fortunately for him, Shepard is part of that sense of stability. He's just better at hiding it, because avoiding it and telling himself to focus elsewhere is second nature to him by this point. But things are a little different, now. Shepard seems looking around for a connection too. Future days seem short in number and the rulebook less and less important by the minute. Denying it to himself becomes impossible, and even EDI prods him about it. Shepard won't stop being so goddamn nice to him and even responds with things that if he didn't know better, he could interpret as... But then all the old insecurities come rushing back and he's walking on his own damn eggshells again. Fuck it. It's time to admit it. To come clean. S/he has to know.

So he asks. And s/he accepts. He's equal parts thrilled, stunned and terrified. He's even on some level, suspicious. Is s/he setting him up for a fall? Are they angry about his responsibility? What do they want out of this, actually? He hasn't explained what it'd be like. That what they're doubtlessly expecting of him is unrealistic. That he's completely inexperienced. I think at this point, he's a bit pissed off with himself and feeling a lot of dread because he's pretty sure how this is going to go. He realises he's got so caught up in it that he's done things in the wrong order. Damage control. He has to talk with Shepard and explain what s/he should expect from him, because it will be different. Manage expectations because he's had to manage his own. He goes in steeled.

But s/he knows it will be different, it turns out. As ever, Shepard has made no assumptions whatsoever. S/he only wants to get to know him. Wants him for everything he is, and accepts what he is not. It was never an issue for them beyond understanding how to work with it, because he is worthy just as he is, and has worked hard enough. He has to teach them about his limitations, about underestimating and overestimating... But where there's a will, there's a way. Time for a few shared moments of peace before the end of days, and through all the craziness, something feels right at last. He feels safe enough to let Shepard in properly. Thus begins his reassessment of himself and reckoning with letting go of the insecurities he has that aren't actually his own, but come from outside.

Also he totally gets to sext the Commander now when s/he's on missions. Nice.

So. There's a lot more I could say and expound upon but it's been hours and I have stuff to do. That's my direction. It's not going to suit everyone, and I doubt I can get everything across... But I'll try. I'm just one person, with just one perspective, with just one version of this story. But I hope people like what I come up with surrounding this framework, because I have lived a lot of it myself. Just a few less Reapers in my version. Not everyone's experiences and responses will be the same.

[gloomybabygirl]

{in my head pt.1} Poe Dameron x smuggler!reader (soulmate au)

series masterlist 

next part

a/n: hey y’all!! this is just a lil puff piece inspired by this cute trend on tik tok that i’ve been seeing :) I have no clue who started it but if you do please let me know!! It was originally going to be a blurb but I realized my words weren't flowing because I had so much more to say!!! so here we go with a four part mini series :) let me know if you want to be tagged for it!

warnings: swearing probably, soulmate trope, Poe in the shower if you squint

word count: 3.2k

songs used: quando, quando, quando - michael buble & nelly furtado and invisible string - taylor swift

summary: you’ve been able to hear your soulmate’s voice in your head since you were little. You haven't found him yet. But what happens when you start to develop feelings for a voice you don't recognize as your soulmate? 

You had been able to hear his voice since you were little. You’d been able to hear it as far back as you can remember. An invisible friend that had always been there. An invisible string tying you to your soulmate, whoever he was. 

You could remember the sound of his higher voice when he was in his childhood, sounding like a flute flitting through you head as you played dolls and went through primary school. You used to hold back giggles at inappropriate times when you could hear his voice cracking through his adolescence. Maker, his voice cracking did not stop him from singing at all hours of the day. You’d silently cursed him for singing so early in the morning when you were young. But as you grew older, it turned into your favorite alarm, your mystery lovers voice rousing you from sleep. And then his voice eventually matured and grew into the warmest, richest baritone you’d ever heard. You’d remarked several times how lucky you were that you got to hear his voice all the time. It was a voice you could swear you would recognize across the galaxy. 

But you still hadn’t found him. 

At this point, you were convinced you never would.

It wasn’t common for people to find their person. Often times, people settled with lovers that they knew weren’t their soulmate. But that never stopped them from hearing the others voice. You were determined you would find the man you were suppose to spend your life with. After all, you had a better chance than most. 

But there was always that nagging voice in the back of your mind, never forgetting to alert you to a cold reality. 

He probably already found someone else. 

You were a smuggler. Being separated from family at a young age had you learning very quickly how to take care of yourself. With the... line of work you were in, you had traveled to every nook and cranny of the galaxy and met more people than you could count. Still no him. You knew the second you heard his voice you would recognize him as the man you were suppose to be with. 

One small issue. He didn’t have that same confidence. 

You didn’t enjoy singing as much as he obviously did. You would sometimes catch yourself humming in the refresher but would quickly stop yourself. His voice was just so... soothing. Flowing out of him like caramel. You didn’t want to bother him with your voice. Finn and Rey were tired of hearing about it, in fact. He had only heard you sing a handful of times and always very softly. If he didn’t hear your sweet voice for too long, he’d go into a fit convincing himself you were dead. But then he’d hear it. The quiet humming that sounded like someone singing gently in his ear. Just as he would realize it was you, it would stop. It drove him absolutely crazy. He wanted to be able to know you. 

And you felt like he had given you a piece of himself by sharing his voice with you. The songs he chose always felt meaningful and each word told you the story of the man you knew was yours. 

Most nights he happened to be singing very softly at the same time you were trying to fall asleep after a long day. Tonight however, you were crash landed on some desert planet in the outer rim trying to fix your old A-Wing from the Imperial days.

You could hear his voice in your head, still smooth and rich even with the late hour. Periodically, he would stop mid phrase, or trail off into a hum. You knew it was something or someone distracting him. You’d silently wished he could tell you about these interruptions when he came home to you. 

Tonight he was singing a new melody. You liked his usual mix of songs, but this one made you feel like an exploding star. You knew it was about you and not some Twi’lek he’d accidentally fallen in love with. 

“Tell me when will you be mine? Tell me quando, quando, quando...”

His voice flitted around in your head. It sounded like he was singing as you laid on his chest. 

“We can share a love divine, please don’t make me wait again...”

You wish you knew when he could be yours too. It elated you that he wanted to find you just as bad as you needed to find him. You wondered aimlessly what it is that makes him so kriffing hard to find. 

“Oh my darling tell me when.” 

The way his voice landed softly on the last note made your heart flutter. You knew you needed to give him something in return. it had been too long since you’d given him a sign you were still there, waiting for him.

Knowing it would take him a moment to find another song that conveyed his blind love for you, you decided it was your turn. 

You’d been flirting with the idea of singing back to him for a while, you’d just been waiting for the stars to align and for the man to stop singing for two kriffing seconds. Not that you really minded. 

Poe almost knocked himself out cold on the frame of his X-Wing when he heard a quiet, sweet voice fill his head. The way the voice felt like it was coming from his own memory told him he was hearing his soulmate. He stilled, tools in hand and held his breath, almost worried he would scare you off if he budged. 

BB-8 gave him an aggravated round of beeps when Poe ignored the tool he was trying to give him.

“Shh buddy, they’re singing.”

Happy beeps. 

He was thrilled when he realized this wasn’t just you humming to yourself on accident. This was you singing to him. On purpose. He listened as you sang your way through the whole song, your voice flowing melodically through his head, making him dizzy with the love he already had for you. 

“Isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me...” 

You finished the sweet song and Poe held his breath, hoping you would sing to him again. When you didn’t, he felt his heart sink, but he hoped it was because you were waiting for the lullabies he sang every night while working on his ship. His way of telling you goodnight. At least, he hoped they helped you sleep rather than keeping you up. He was sure one day he’d be able to lull you to sleep while you were in his arms. 

_

It had been a few weeks since Poe had heard your voice so clearly. He had been insanely busy in the weeks following that night that he didn’t have time to think. He had been on mission after mission, each more grueling than the last. 

The Resistance was loosing people left and right. Too many good people. Poe didn’t feel like singing when his hope was dwindling down to nothing. 

A bright spot in his week was the day a new recruit came to base. Anytime someone new walked onto the base, Poe made a point to introduce himself, always secretly hopeful the recruit would recognize his voice. 

Today was no different. And boy was he hoping you were the one he’d been waiting for. His breath caught in his throat when he saw you at the hangar. Rey showing you around and introducing you to everyone who dared cross her line of sight. 

“Poe, buddy? You good?” Finn asked. Poe had stopped talking mid sentence when he saw you. 

He followed Poe’s gaze and saw you with Rey, arms hugged around your middle, obviously overwhelmed by all the people she was introducing you to. 

“You wish, Dameron,” Finn laughed. “I guarantee you don’t deserve a soulmate that good looking.” 

“Shut it Finn, it could be them.” 

“Guess we’ll find out...” Finn clapped Poe on the back when he saw Rey leading you over to the two men. 

Rey had introduced you to practically the entire base, most names going in one ear and out the other. But now she was leading you to the last two people you had to meet. ‘Best for last’ as she had told you. 

A damn. She was right. 

Both men were handsome, for sure. But the slightly shorter one in the orange flight suit? Maker this was going to be hard. 

You’d made a habit out of turning off any sort of feelings you’ve had towards anyone in the past. You didn’t want to bother with someone that wasn’t your soulmate. Even if that meant you’d be lonely your whole life. Why would you have a half assed love when there was someone else out there that was made for you?

But Maker, this pilot was giving you butterflies.  And you hadn’t even spoken to him yet. Now you had to find a way to kill the damn butterflies...

“And finally, this is Commander Poe Dameron and our friend Finn!” Rey introduced you to the two cheerfully, giving them your name.

“Hi, nice to meet you,” You said quietly, offering them a small smile before looking down at your feet. You silently tired to make the ground open up and swallow you, but once again the universe insisted you weren’t force sensitive.

“Always nice to have a new person join the cause. Where are you from?” Finn asked, trying to politely make conversation. You noted to yourself that his voice was too low to be the one in your head.

“Nowhere. And everywhere I guess? I was a smuggler for years,” You explained, heat bitting at your cheeks at the admission of your unsavory past.

“Well, we don’t judge people for that here. Do we Poe?” He hit his buddy on the back again, encouraging him to speak. 

Poe seemed to be coming out of a daze when he spoke. He cleared his throat and finally spoke.

“Uh, no, nope, not at all. Very nice to meet you.” Your heart deflated when his voice came out. It sounded similar to your soulmate at first, but the more you listed the more you came to the conclusion that Poe’s voice was too raspy and rough to be his. 

You and Rey said your goodbyes and she finally showed you to your quarters. How the hell are you ever going to learn your way around this base?

“Hear anything familiar?” She asked as you got to your door. 

You sighed deeply, exhausted and dejected, “Nope. It’s okay Rey. I’m convinced I’ll never find him at this point.” 

“That’s a shame. I thought you and Poe would probably get along well,” she gave you a knowing look. Maybe you made it obvious how attractive you found the pilot.

“It’s really okay. Thank you for showing me around base today.” You gave her a soft smile and turned to punch in the code to open your blast doors.

_

Your soulmate’s voice had been absent in your mind since your first day on base. You dearly missed him lulling you to sleep at night, or pleasantly interrupting you throughout the day. 

Panic shot through you at the thought that maybe he had died. But every so often you would hear him softly humming to himself, keeping the spark of hope alive in your chest. 

Besides that slight nagging making its way back to your head, you were having a great time getting to know Finn and Rey. You got caf with them most mornings, and would often spend nights in Rey’s quarters playing Sabacc. You hadn’t, however, seen the dashing pilot again. Finn complained a lot about missing his best friend.

“He's been so depressed lately. He wants to find his soulmate so badly, but he doesn't want to leave the cause to try to find them.” Finn explained one morning. 

“He used to sing to them all the time, but I think he’s given up hope... I haven't heard him sing in ages.” Rey commented, sipping her caf. 

Just as you were about to comment on your similar lack of luck in finding your soulmate, the handsome flyboy himself walked up to your table in the mess hall. 

“Hey guys, mind if I sit?” He asked in that damned raspy voice. 

Poe wasn’t necessarily happy to be spending so much time apart from his best friends. They were the only things keeping him sane sometimes. But now they chose to spend every waking hour with that aggravatingly cute new recruit. 

Poe was a friendly guy. Some may argue too friendly. But he didn't want to be around you. Actually, this issue is that he did want to be around you. Very much so. 

You were a dream walking into Poe's line of vision. He suddenly felt like everything was in slow motion when he caught a glimpse of you in the hangar.  You looked so nervous, arms crossed over your chest, shifting your weight as Rey made it her life’s mission to introduce you to the entire base. His mouth popped open like he was the star in a damn holomovie. 

When Rey pointed your attention to his general direction, Poe's mouth felt like cotton. Which muscle did he use to breathe again? Oh Maker, you could probably see his heart beating through his chest. 

He hated that he got his hopes up like that. And Finn was right, he didn't deserve a soulmate as ethereal as you. 

Then of course there was the devastating (albeit familiar) ache when you didn't give him any inclination that you recognized his voice. Poe didn't want to waste his time with anyone that wasn't his soulmate. He didn't want to put either party through unnecessary heartbreak when they both knew it wasn't written in the stars for you to be together. He had to distance himself from you. 

But it had been about a week since you first flew onto his radar. And you took the liberty of crossing his mind everyday since then. He knew he was risking falling for someone that he wasn't meant to be with, but he missed his friends. Sure, Poe was sad about his failed mission of finding his soulmate, but nothing could keep him down for too long. 

When Finn nodded for Poe to join, he scrapped his chair across the permacrete. He was purposefully sat next to you and across from Rey and Finn so he didn't end up looking in your direction for an inappropriate amount of time. But now he could feel the warmth emminating from you and smell the same waft of lavender her recognized when he first met you. Kriff. 

“Where have you been man?” Finn questioned him. “Avoiding us?” 

“Nah, nothing like that,” Poe lied. “I’ve just been working on my ship.”

“She must be in pretty good shape if you’re spending that much time on her,” You quipped. Shit, you hoped Poe enjoyed a good tease like his friends did. 

He gave you a lopsided smile, “You’ll have to come see her.” 

Unfortunately, the conversation continued on like this. Gentle, teasing, light conversation. It was easy. And Poe knew he was going to get hurt.

_

Your quick, light footsteps could be heard echoing through the halls towards your quarters. Alongside them was the heavy slow footsteps of the pilot you’d spent the whole day with. A chuckle rumbled through his chest as you reached the door to your quarters. 

You turned to face him and leaned up against the cold durasteel of your blast doors. There was a moment with no words shared between the two of you, just comfortable silence. 

Poe was so busy just looking at you that he didn't think twice before tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. He immediately pulled back and hastily shoved both hands in his pocket. He could’t help but notice the flustered smile creeping up on your lips. Damn, he’d like to make you smile like that more.

No, no. He had a soulmate to look forward to. He hoped. This wouldn’t end well. 

“Hey I wanted to apologize for the lack of usual ‘welcome wagon’ Poe this week. I just... I’m having a hard time finding my soulmate and I wasn't exactly in the right head space. I didn’t want your first impression of me to be depressed Poe.” He rubbed the back of his neck, obviously uncomfortable with the oversharing he couldn’t seem to help. 

“Don't worry about it. Finn and Rey may have mentioned something about you being upset about that this week. I completely understand.” 

“I take it you haven't found them?”

“Not yet, but I still hear him all the time so I have hope at least.”

Poe’s heart sank a bit. He hadn't been singing lately. 

“I’m sure you’ll find him then. Goodnight, thank you for today.”

“’Night Poe,” you smiled, turning to punch in the code to open your doors.

_

Poe was sat cross legged across from BB-8 in his charging station. 

“I don’t know buddy. I feel.... Guilty?” He nervously picked at the skin around his thumb nail. 

A series of confused beeps came from the droid.

“I guess I feel guilty that I spent the day with that new recruit and that I’m starting to have feelings for them when I have someone out there waiting for me. I wish this war would end so I could go find them.” He lamented to his little buddy. 

BB-8 let out a sweet melody, sounding like an automated songbird.

“Yeah you’re right. I’ll sing to them tonight, that should help me feel closer to them. Plus it's been a while, I’ll bet they miss this gorgeous voice.” 

He stood up and made his way to the refresher to wash off the day. He made it a cold shower to wash off his feelings for you. He wracked his brain for a song that would describe how he was feeling that day. When he came up empty, he resorted to the song he had fist sung a few weeks prior. Maybe since it prompted you to sing last time, he could have the chance to hear your voice again. 

“Tell me when will you be mine? Tell me quando, quando, quando...” 

When you heard the voice in the back of your head, you heart faltered. He was okay. Relief washed over you in a great, calming wave. 

“We can share a love divine, please don’t make me wait again...”

Your soulmate’s sweet voice cleaned away all the feelings you had developed for Poe. His soft voice felt like home to you and was soon causing your eyes to grow heavy. 

“Oh my darling tell me when.” 

He finished his lullaby with the usual soft tones that you already loved so dearly. Being friends with Poe was going to be difficult, but it would be worth it when you found your soulmate. His voice would always pull you back home to him. 

_

everything taglist: @softly-sad @clumsy-writing-rdb