#and it turning out decently so i never actually learn the process correctly

[send-me-a-puffalope]

twirling my hair, kicking my legs thinking about scooped!Vanessa :333

(process photos under cut)

[thefanficmonster]

The Five Scares (and one revenge)

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing 

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having a tendency to scare people, Corpse has gotten used to his friends being jumpy whenever he appears from the void into a Discord call with them. However, the one who has it the roughest with the spooks has to be his partner Y/N. Basically: The five times Corpse scared Y/N and the one time they scared him

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your lovely request it was a real joy to write and I had a ton of fun doing so! Hope you have equally as wonderful of a time if you happen to come across it and give it a read despite the long wait you’ve had to endure which I apologize for. Love, Vy ❤

I

Having had to go home for the night to keep an eye on their roommate’s dog, Y/N and Corpse agreed to have a video call before they fell asleep. They didn’t want to appear like that typical clingy and cheesy couple but after spending almost a whole week curled up in Corpse’s apartment, the two would feel each other’s absence to a very saddening degree to the point where they’d even forget the other isn’t around and would call out to them. 

Letting the call ring, Y/N’s hand comes up to smooth out their hair. However, the touch reveals to them that their hair needs a bit more than a simple tap or a pat to be tamed so while they wait for Corpse to answer the call, they quickly head to their bathroom. Flicking the light on, their reflection greets them with the underwhelming news of the actual state of their hair at the moment: an absolute mess. They proceed to do their best with the single hair-tie they have handy. A bobby pin or two would be neat but they have no time to go and grab one right now, seeing as how they can’t recall if they even brought them back from Corpse’s apartment. If they didn’t, they would have to search their roommate’s room for some which would take an even longer amount of time.

Eventually, they manage to tame it in something closely resembling a presentable ponytail and exit the bathroom feeling more exhausted than before. With a loud sigh, they crash onto their bed, face-first into the sea of pillows, groaning at the slight sting of their muscles relaxing at last.

“Y/N?“ The decently loud mention of their name by a deep, familiar yet sudden and unexpected voice startles them to the point of squealing and jumping an entire inch away from where they were positioned.

They look around their room in a frenzy, wondering where on Earth that voice came from and how it could be here with them right now.

“Y/N, you there?”, before they could locate it, it emerges once again, helping Y/N get an ide of where it’s coming from - somewhere in the messed up bed sheets.

“Corpse?“ They finally find their voice, “Y-yeah I’m here. Question is: how are you...“ and then it all clicks, causing them to twist their face in an expression of utter disappointment and bury it in the palms of their hands, groaning.

“You forgot about the video chat, didn’t you?“ Corpse asks, amusement not even attempted to be hidden in his voice.

“Yup.“

II

It’s been one hell of a day. Y/N’s college lectures exhausted them to a max and their six hour job following their classes did nothing to help them AT ALL. Quite the opposite actually. Makes sense why they look, move and talk the way they’re doing right now: like a ghost, zombie and an elder combined in one. To add to their misfortunes for the day, they were met with the mocking ‘OUT OF ORDER’ sign taped to the doors of the elevator, laughing in their face with the information that their hellish experience for the day is far from over.

Just the thought of having to climb to the fifth floor made their stomach turn in the most unpleasant way possible, but the though of how long that would take made matters even worse. Arriving at their designated apartment, they have every right to be pissed, cussing their heart out. 

However, then comes a new problem: the inability to pinpoint the correct key. They proceed to curse themselves, the keys, the door handle and the door itself before punching the poor wood that did no wrong and just stands here, serving its purpose of keeping unwanted people out of the apartment it’s guarding.

Following their anger outburst and front-door-abuse, they proceed to try finding the correct key once again, this time slightly more calmly as to not accidentally miss it in their frantic rifling.

Right as they’re about to try the third key, however, the door opens. Well, it’s opened by someone on the other side, that someone being none other than their boyfriend Corpse who’s currently staring at them wide-eyed, one eyebrow raised, the word ‘confused’ basically written across his face.

While he’s processing the sight in front of him, Y/N lets out a little scream, jumping back and away from the door, a hand placed over their chest as their wide eyes scan their boyfriend who now seems equally terrified as a result of their reaction.

“Corpse?!“ They manage to gasp, barely hearing their own voice over the loud thumping of their heart and the rush of blood in their ears, “What the hell are you doing here?!“

The confusion on Corpse’s face deepens, reaching whole new levels as his eyes gaze deeper into theirs, searching for the meaning behind their bizarre question. “You mean...at my own apartment? What am I doing, at home?“

For a few seconds, the two just stare blankly at one another, processing everything that’s just happened. Suddenly, it all just kinda caves for Y/N and they burst out laughing, doubling over, their arms clutching at their stomach as they do so. Their laughter is contagious, so Corpse can’t help but let out a few chuckles himself.

“Alright, you’ve been driven to insanity, I can tell.“ He mumbles at his reckless partner, coming up behind them and wraps his arms around them, lifting them up and carrying their laughing ass inside.

III

Finally deciding to sit down and get this damn project started, Y/N already feels like they’ve had enough of it, burnout already creeping in and threatening to ruin their work and trip them up every step of the way. It wouldn’t have been so bad had the subject not been one they absolutely despise and wish they could get out of studying but alas they’re stuck with it.

They equip their headphones as soon as they plant their butt on the desk chair in their tiny room in their tiny roommate-shared apartment, putting their Spotify playlist on shuffle as they open a blank Power Point document. They work better with music blasting in their ears since the silence tends to be too loud and distracting when they’re trying to focus. So, that way they can also sing their heart out in peace and not get disturbed by the sound of their own off-key singing. Win-win, basically.

Singing ‘Never Forget You’ by Zara Larsson and MNEK, they get a little carried away, ditching the project to enter a full-blown music video they can imagine down to the detail in their mind.

However, there’s a surprise awaiting them.

As soon as MNEK’s part of the song begins, another voice apart from his echoes through their headphones, singing along to the song. Freaking the fuck out, they let out a loud scream, smacking the headset off them, sending the object falling and landing on their laptop keyboard with a crash that only serves to further startle their roommate’s dog which comes to check if they are being attacked or something only to be disappointed by the lack of action.

When pushing the headphones off, they did so with a force strong enough to snap the cable out of the laptop entirely so now the room is filled with the sound of that same foreign voice laughing his ass off.

A voice that belongs to no other than Corpse Husband himself.

“You gotta learn to disconnect from Discord calls, Y/N.“ The fucker says, still cackling wholeheartedly at his partner’s misery.

Pissed off or not, Y/N would have to admit he’s got a point. But they’d also rather never speak again than admit it so...

“Fuck you!“ is what they say instead, seconds before disconnecting.

IV

Making breakfast is not something either Corpse or Y/N are used to, mostly cause they both either wake up late or skip the meal entirely. Regardless, having been given a day off from work and having no classes since it’s Saturday, Y/N saw no better way to start their day off than to prepare a nice breakfast for them and their boyfriend to enjoy. Problem is: they aren’t the most skilled in the kitchen. Sure they can scramble an egg or make mac and cheese, but in order to do it correctly they are not allowed to have distractions of any kind. Not even music, that’s how you know it’s serious.

Seeing as how Corpse has never seen them cook, he’s obviously unaware of theirs. The dummy straight up waltzes into the kitchen, unintentionally remaining unspotted and unheard by Y/N because he’s barefoot and because they have their back turned to him.

“Whatya cooking over there babe?“

Y/N’s focus bubble, being as thin as it is and considering they initially thought Corpse was still asleep, they have every right to let out the yelp they just did, dropping the egg they were gonna crack over the pan in said pan in its entirety - yes, shell and all.

A moment of silence commences: regretful on Corpse’s end and frustrated on theirs. Neither of them dares to say anything to avoid triggering the other. Well, that’s the case until Y/N decides enough’s enough and they turn to look at him, a wide, obviously fake smile plastered onto their face.

“Scrambled eggs, following a secret recipe, property of the L/N family.“

Seems like your pre-breakfast snack is an extra large dose of sarcasm, huh?

V

“So, how was your day? You sound pretty chipper so I take it wasn’t a nightmare like a few days ago.“ Corpse comments over the phone, listening to shuffling and shifting as Y/N moves around the apartment, getting ready to head out.

“It was great actually. Got some important results back and, not to brag or anything, but they were higher than I expected.“ They reply, a genuine wide grin refusing to leave their face as they silently count the amount of money they’ve got in their wallet. “I’m gonna go buy a cake so we can celebrate it. It’s no small deal, trust me, especially not when I initially thought I’d fail both these exams to the point of being pitied.“

“Wait...-“ Corpse attempts, his voice suddenly sounding strained and urgent but that’s the very reason he cannot seem to find or get the right words out of his system. Not that Y/N gives him any time to figure it out.

“No Corpse, you cannot change my mind. Cake and beers, we’re celebrating toni- SHIT!“ They scream as they throw open the front door, bumping square into someone standing on the other side, almost dropping their phone.

Taken aback by embarrassment and fear, they leap back, their eyes searching for the ones of the person whose personal space they just invaded. Well, to be fair, he was the one invading their personal space by standing right outside the door to their - well, to Corpse’s apartment.

The fear and irritation die down almost instantly when Y/N recognizes the person standing opposite them.

“Mind telling me why we’re talking on the phone when you could’ve come in and we could’ve had a normal person conversation?!“ They snap, ironically enough - they’re still holding the phone to their ear.

So is Corpse whos is smiling guiltily, “That’s why I called, I forgot my keys, but I got...carried...sorry.”

Well, at least this serves as proof Y/N’s not the only forgetful one.

                                                            ~  ~  ~

Corpse has been stuck in his recording room for four hours now, never stopping his stream to take care of his basic human needs such as eating or going to the bathroom. This behavior of his has Y/N worried sick and unable to focus on the task at hand - an assignment they’ve been trying to finish for two hours now, sitting with their computer on their lap and looking hopelessly at the blank Word document waiting for them to fill it up while they are waiting for it to start writing itself.

Seeing as how neither are gonna happen, not until Y/N puts their mind at ease, they slowly put the laptop aside, standing up to carefully skip on over to Corpse’s recording room to check on him, stopping by the kitchen to grab him a snack and a bottle of water along the way.

The door to the darkened room is open a crack, as usual, suggesting they can enter without knocking - this also means he’ll probably not hear them even if they knock so the whole gesture would be pointless. Not that Y/N has a tendency to knock or anything... Waltzing in, they find that the only light in the room is the very faint and dark glow of the computer screen which is displaying a dark and dingy room from a first-person view of the protagonist of whatever game Corpse’s currently playing.

“Corpse?!“ They whisper-yell/hiss at him, trying their best to grasp his attention without startling him - they don’t need to be told that the game is of the horror genre and the last thing they need is for their boyfriend to flip backwards and fall out of his chair because they scared the shit out of him. “Hey?!“

Neither attempts prove futile so, despite their best instincts telling them differently, they walk over to him and tap him on the shoulder. The reaction, while within the realm of expectancy, is a lot more startled than they expected, accompanied by a scream on top of all. They’d never heard him scream in fear before, it’s quite amusing if they’re being honest.

They suppress a snicker as Corpse’s wide open eyes meet their squinting ones in the darkness, “Y/N...babe...what is it? Is everything ok?”

Y/N rolls their eyes, “No, everything isn’t ok. Your unhealthy habit of forgetting to take care of yourself, for example.” They put the snack and the bottle on the his desk, giving him their best disappointed-parent look before turning on their heel to strut their way out of the room. However, just as they are about to make their exit, they stop right at the doorframe, giving their stunned one final glance over their shoulder with a smug smirk playing across their face, “Oh and by the way, that’s what I like to call revenge.” Just like that, they leave, pushing the door back into its previous position.

And boy, is it some sweet, sweet revenge.

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[mbti-notes]

So, I'm an INTJ who often (especially in the past) have tried to be open and supportive to friends and an ex of mine when it comes to certain problems. I noticed that I often jump to trying to solve their problem for them or offering suggestions and end up neglecting their emotional needs in the end—there's maybe a 50% chance that I was helpful at all. The other alternative is accidentally being taken advantage of and used as a crutch, which I'm luckily done with. Is there any better way to help out when I can hardly understand how a friend feels outside of just being frustrated or anxious?

Practical information and advice about handling emotional needs is already covered in the Emotional Well-Being section, please read. I will use your question as an opportunity to elaborate on the concept of helping, since people often ask about it.

Being able to help effectively is not just one particular skill but a set of skills. I use the word “skills” because they can be learned as long as one has the motivation to study, practice, and improve. Most people know that helping skills are invaluable in a variety of professional and personal contexts. I would also argue that helping skills are essential for personal growth because they play an important role in overcoming the self-inflicted limitations of egocentrism in the process of ego development.

1. Empathy Skills

To be an effective helper, the first thing you need is a decent level of emotional intelligence. This involves having good emotional awareness, knowing how to identify and label feelings and emotions correctly, and knowing how to express feelings and emotions constructively. It is very difficult to understand the emotional life of others when you aren’t even able to understand your own or, worse, when your own emotional life is stunted, repressed, unstable, or dysfunctional. Work on improving your emotional intelligence and, if necessary, learn through healing your own emotional issues and wounds. If you suffer from all sorts of unaddressed or unresolved emotional issues swirling around in your unconscious mind, you are very likely to project them onto people, which will handicap or undermine your attempts to help them.

From having a healthy emotional life, you are able to practice the emotional empathy that is necessary for having a caring and helpful attitude. In human beings, empathy is a very natural emotional response to suffering, due to our evolutionary history of being a cooperative species. Unless you have neurological damage/deficits, you should be capable of feeling bad when you see someone else feeling bad, if only because you know how shitty it is to experience badness. That is the basis of empathy in a nutshell.

I use the phrase “practice empathy” because, when life is busy or too self-involved, it is all too easy to brush others off. Worse, some people are very averse to negativity and actively suppress their empathy so that they never have to feel guilty. Suppression of feeling, taken to extremes, may lead to callousness or aggression. Practicing empathy means that you actually stop and take the time to get in touch with your empathy, to really feel it, whenever you witness suffering. By actively deepening your empathy, you have a natural source of motivation to lend a helping hand.

Emotional empathy is how you nurture your moral character and moral virtues, i.e., to become an ethical, kind, caring, and compassionate person. By contrast, cognitive empathy is about having the ability to construct an accurate theory of mind and using it to assess human problems carefully, so that your solutions take into consideration how each vested party will be impacted. Another term that people use fairly synonymously with cognitive empathy is perspective taking. It involves putting yourself into another person’s shoes in an effort to understand: how they think, what they feel and why, what motivates them, what they need and desire, and the behavioral strategies that they are using to achieve their goals. The assumption is that, when you understand someone’s perspective more fully, you are better positioned to respond appropriately and effectively.

One of the reasons that people are drawn to type theory is because it offers insight into important and legitimate differences between people. Different people have different priorities, needs, and goals based on their cognitive functional stack and their life circumstances. This should always be taken into consideration when you’re trying to help. One of the most common pitfalls in helping people is operating on the assumption that they are similar to you, which leads you to overlook differences and apply the wrong kind of help. When you’re trying to construct a theory of mind, type theory gives you a leg up by opening up your mind to different possibilities and pointing you in useful directions for investigation. For example, if you are N and the other person is S, then you start off by understanding that your way of perceiving situations is very different from theirs, perhaps completely opposite, which should give you pause and force you to learn more about their cognitive process.

Emotional empathy and cognitive perspective taking must go together, otherwise, one or the other may lead you very astray. Emotional empathy, on its own, isn’t enough for being a good helper. In fact, some people have very strong emotional empathy and make situations even worse because they just act immediately on their feelings without any consideration for the consequences. For example, some people reflexively jump to defend perpetrators of violence because they empathize with them more than the victims. Cognitive perspective taking, on its own, isn’t enough for being a good helper. In fact, many people use their perspective taking ability to cheat, swindle, or manipulate for selfish gain. For example, con artists and snake oil salesmen often prey on people’s fears and insecurities to turn a profit. Thus, treat emotional empathy and cognitive perspective taking as equally important but separate abilities.

2. Relationship Building Skills

While empathy is useful for building moral character and perspective taking is useful for constructing an accurate theory of mind, the key to helping is learning how to apply these concepts within the context of relationships. You may feel deep empathy but fail to help. For example, you just freeze up like a deer in headlights once you see someone crying and sobbing in front of you. You may have an accurate theory of mind but still approach the situation the wrong way. For example, you correctly pinpointed your toddler’s fear of large crowds, but your paternalistic approach is to throw them into the middle of a huge crowd and force them to deal alone. 

To avoid these kinds of problems, you should always approach helping as a collaboration. Collaboration means that two people put their minds together for a shared purpose. To collaborate well with someone requires two things: 

i) Trust: Trusting someone means that you believe they have your best interests at heart. To trust is to have an open heart, which means that you give people the benefit of the doubt. Trust is very important when you’re trying to give advice. If someone trusts you and gives you the benefit of the doubt, they are better able to understand your intention even if you say the wrong thing or offer unhelpful advice. Trust helps to quickly smooth over misunderstandings or miscommunications by reminding us that people are good and mean well.

ii) Rapport: Positive rapport means that two people are able to communicate comfortably because they care about each other as well as speak freely because they do not have undue fear of judgment or punishment. Good rapport puts everyone at ease, which helps to maintain an open mind. Rapport is very important when you’re trying to give advice. If you have positive rapport with someone, they will be more open to entertaining new ideas and solutions. Positive rapport makes problem solving a more easygoing and even enjoyable process.

Needless to say, if you don’t have someone’s best interests at heart, then you should stay out of their business until you do. Helping someone should ultimately come from a place of care. Different people have different trust thresholds (often due to past trauma), so you may have to work harder to earn some people’s trust than others. To earn trust means to prove to someone that you care about them and can be relied upon. This generally involves being attentive to their needs, offering support when needed, honoring your relationship duties and responsibilities, and keeping your promises. 

Needless to say, if someone doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you, then you shouldn’t try to force them. Make an honest judgment about whether you’re the best person to help them or not. If you’re not the one, you can still offer help, but don’t get offended if they don’t take you up on it. Different people have different conditions to be met before they feel comfortable enough to share their private business, so you may have to work harder to develop rapport with some people than others. Positive rapport is basically good communication, so work on your communication skills as needed.

Learn the sorts of words and behaviors that help put people at ease. Learn to listen intently, patiently, and empathetically. Learn to pause and ask the right questions when you don’t understand. Learn to offer feedback in a kind and constructive way. Learn to be less judgmental, impatient, or critical, i.e., the kinds of traits that cause conflict, distance, and fear in relationships. Learn to avoid prejudice and mindreading, i.e., the kinds of behaviors that cause harmful and gross misunderstandings between people.

3. The Helping Process

Once you’ve used your empathy and perspective taking skills to establish a good foundation of trust and positive rapport with someone, then you are well-positioned to help them. Always remember that human affairs are an art - not a science. Humans are complex and each one of us unique. There’s no “methodology” that you can follow perfectly to handle every relationship perfectly. A big part of being successful at relationships is simply to be adaptable. Observe and listen more carefully so that you know when it’s time to change your approach.

That said, there are some general guidelines that will help steer you in the right direction whenever you feel lost. Professional counselors are specifically trained to help people with their problems, so there’s a lot we can learn from their training process. I will summarize and adapt a commonly used three stage model of helping that anyone can apply to their relationships:

Stage 1: Gather the Facts

The person experiencing the problem is the one who knows it best. Therefore, the first step isn’t to panic about “what should I do”, rather, always start by getting them to elaborate, in as much detail as possible, so that you understand the situation fully from their point of view. Ask several open-ended questions to give them the opportunity to freely describe the situation, what happened, what may be causing the problem, how they feel about it, what they have or haven’t done about it, etc. After hearing them out, summarize the situation in your own words and ask them to confirm whether you’ve understood everything. The key skills needed in this stage are curiosity, listening, and verifying.

Stage 2: Encourage Awareness and Insight

Oftentimes, people aren’t able to tackle a problem on their own because they don’t know exactly what the problem is - look into their mind and you will see a giant mess. Giving them a chance to express their thoughts and feelings out loud is sometimes enough for them to understand the problem and come up with their own solutions. You should always encourage people to think for themselves whenever they show the tendency, because ideas always stick better when they come from oneself. This also addresses the problem of people becoming too dependent on you. Ideally, the goal of any good helper is to eventually make themselves obsolete, by teaching people to stand on their own.

If after elaboration, you’re still not clear about what they need, then be more direct in getting that information, usually through making more direct inquiries. What you do at this point really depends on the situation and the kind of problem you’re dealing with. It may be enough to ask them whether there’s anything you can do to help and, if so, what would be the best way to help. They might say that they’re not looking for a “fix” but simply want someone to listen, then step back and listen with empathy. You may ask them point blank what exactly it is they need or want. You may ask them what they hope or wish for. You may ask them about what objectives or goals they’re aiming for. You may ask them about the obstacles and challenges they’re experiencing. You may ask them whether they would like your help in analyzing the problem. 

Don’t make assumptions about what they need when they haven’t even expressed their needs, which means that you should NOT be stepping forward with a “solution” until you’re absolutely sure that it’s what they want. The key skills needed in this stage are providing emotional safety, encouraging people to reflect more deeply, and inquiring into psychological motivations.

Stage 3: Implement Action

This step is only relevant if they are committed to solving the problem and want your help with it. Collaborate with them to analyze the problem by determining its cause(s), entertain various ideas and solutions, and make a list of all the choices available to them. Help them evaluate their list of choices by illuminating the possible effects/outcomes, pros/cons, or cost/benefits. This will allow them to make a more informed and intelligent choice.

Remember that they are ultimately responsible for choosing what to do - not you. Even the best advice will fall flat if the person doesn’t feel like they can carry it out. THEY have to feel comfortable enough with the choice to put it into action. This means that you must always have an eye on their comfort level. When someone expresses any kind of uncertainty about whether they can implement a solution, it is often a subtle request for more/better support. If that’s the case, go back to stages 1 and 2 to dig deeper into what’s holding them back. It may be an internal or external obstacle, and once you’ve identified it, you can help them remove it. 

To implement an idea usually requires coming up with a practical plan, strategy, or method of attack, so help them draw a feasible roadmap. Set up concrete measurements or benchmarks to measure progress or success. Sometimes, they may need your help to break a big plan down into smaller steps in order to avoid feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Sometimes, they may need you to educate, guide, or mentor them to learn new knowledge for overcoming a particular challenge or obstacle. Remember that what seems easy to you may be very difficult to them, so don’t make assumptions about their capabilities. Monitor their progress and offer the appropriate support whenever you observe that they are faltering. The key skills needed in this stage are brainstorming, critical analysis, planning and organizing, quantifying progress, encouraging people to improve, knowledge building, and providing emotional support as necessary.

4. Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries

It’s very important that you maintain proper boundaries when helping people. You are not a professional counselor and, even if you are, there should always be a sense of equality and reciprocity in personal relationships. A healthy relationship cannot be one-sided, unequal, or exploitative. 

Respect Your Boundaries: You must have your boundaries to protect yourself from exploitation. There are many people out there who have no qualms about taking advantage of kindness, so don’t allow such people to worm their way into your life. Only get involved when someone genuinely needs your help and you are quite confident that they will benefit from it. Remember that helping should ultimately set people up to be independent. If you keep people dependent on you, then there’s some ego problem that needs to be addressed on your part.

Respect Their Boundaries: Remember that everyone has their own life to live. Honor and appreciate individual differences. You may enjoy helping people and that’s fine, but there must be an element of selflessness in your help, so that you don’t get too invested in what other people do/don’t do. Once you start to place unreasonable expectations on people, you get yourself all mixed up into their problem, and then you start to show visible frustration, impatience, or disappointment. Then they might start to fear disappointing you and hide from you, they might start resisting your advice, or your help might even backfire spectacularly. In other words, your “help” just complicates and even worsens situations when you can’t properly respect people’s right to make their own choices in life.

To set proper boundaries circles back to the first point of having good emotional intelligence. You have to be aware of your part in the situation, the effects that you’re feeling, the effects that you’re producing, and monitor for negative feelings and emotions that would lead you to do something regrettable or harmful. Having good emotional intelligence is very important for good decision making in relationships and even life in general. I’ve already provided articles and book suggestions for learning in depth.

[flockofdoves]

didnt end up taking a picture but i made miso butter salmon with shimeji and shiitake mushrooms (and put it over rice) using this recipe!!

that recipe was actually one of the first things i ever made when i was for Real learning to cook (had been cooking for fun for years but never was really forced to branch out too much bc i was either a high schooler whos parents made dinner most of the time or a college student in a dorm. but then i was back home with just me and my younger brother who had even less cooking experience. i spent so much money those few weeks i really was so bad at budgeting but at least the meals were good lol) and it was just so so much easier this time its really a super simple dish idk why it took me so long if i recall correctly back then

the last time i made it i made it with king oyster mushrooms plus shiitake bc i couldnt find shimeji and it was very good but i'm excited to finally have all the right ones (also pretty cheap!! excited i finally got around to looking at some international grocery stores around me this week that are usually closed when i get home from school or work) i think having the right mushrooms really elevated it

was worried that it would be too strong bc the recipe recommended using a more mild miso paste and i only have red miso rn. i mightve ended up putting slightly more sugar to compensate but im not entirely sure. i ended up putting like 5/6ths of the soy sauce to see if that would balance the extra salt of the red miso too. honestly though i think i probably couldve just done normal proportions and had it be fine but it was good regardless! also i didnt have hon mirin just aji mirin so im sure that effected the taste somewhat too

was worried about my salmon bc it was frozen fillets ive had since literally like march 2020. i was worried itd be dry or have a bad texture from all that time and then defrosting and losing a lot of liquid but actually it turned out perfect!

my fillets were way thinner that the ones in the recipe (would not be possible to turn them on their sides they were too flat) so i just eyeballed it and instead of 5 minutes per side it was more like 2 minutes flesh side, 2 minutes skin side, and then maybe like 2 or 3 minutes moving around with the butter and then shortly after the sauce. and i think that turned out great for them tbh

i had 4 fillets so i couldnt fit them all in the pan so i just ended up doing the whole cooking process in two batches, it was short enough to not be annoying. i doubled the sauce because of that. the recipe didnt give any set amount for mushrooms but in the pictures had a similarly sized bunch of shimeji shown. since i doubled the sauce while there were a decent amount of mushrooms and it felt like just the right amount before they started shrinking, i do think in the future i'd want to put in a bit more (it was like half a pound of shiitake (before taking off stems) and 1 bunch of shimeji i used) and more shiitake could elevate the flavor even more

i forgot to get fresh chives so i ended up putting in a small thinly diced yellow onion along with the mushrooms and then also garnished with dried chives at the end. it was good but also in the future i would love the flavor of actual fresh chives in this for sure

but yeah!! it was really good i love mushrooms and love salmon :)

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Heroes or Victims

Summary:  

"As Hange stared down at the man whom she believed was very much deserving of the title “hero,” she was reminded that he was just as much a victim as everyone else."

Hange reflects on emotions, relationships, war philosophies, and a future while taking care of a severely injured Levi.

Written for @levihanweek, Angstober 2020. Prompt: trapped/escape

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Notes: Here is my offering for LeviHan Week, Angstober 2020. Prompt: trapped/escape. I went a little overboard with the word count. Either way, I hope you enjoy. ;)

Credits to my betareader @scribusdomina

Any soldier who died in the field was presented as a hero of the walls. The stories told within the walls evoked images of violent charges, loud and emotional screams for their motherland and quick deaths.

Those soldiers were brave, honorable, and patriotic.

There is no better way to die than falling off one's horse battered and bloody, dreaming of the motherland.

It was a terrifyingly effective piece of propaganda that the lower class within the walls of Paradis welcomed with open arms and consumed too quickly. People saw the garrison and military police as equals to the brave soldiers who die a quick death in the battlefield, their moment of honor yet to come. Ironically, the survey corps members who actually died quickly in the battlefield were rarely afforded that same respect.

For that reason, and for many other reasons, those who survived past what could have been their first death and eventually became the veterans of the corps, ended up completely rejecting this train of thought.

As the numbers of the survey corps members dwindled, the war against titans morphed into a war of attrition. The survey corps did not have the hundreds of people to spare and those within the survey corps at Hange's command were trained to hide in enclosed spaces to preserve themselves until the enemy tires out. A war that starts with a brave charge ends with quick deaths and a quick end to the war, giving no time for the soldiers to ponder the losses and their purpose in the grand scheme of things.

The shift towards preserving life gave birth to a new type of thinker --- the battle hardened soldier. Levi and Hange having survived the longest through the bloodiest wars with the most cruel bouts of survivor's guilt, were at the forefront of this paradigm shift.

Every single person who died out there for the crown and for the people who lived within the walls were more victims than heroes.

Those words in particular rang louder to Hange as she stared down at the man whom she believed was very much deserving of the title “hero”. At that moment though, as he lay injured and vulnerable, with the beginnings of a fever, Hange was reminded that he was just as much a victim as everyone else.

Levi had always been trapped. He grew up in the underground city under Wall Sina, forced into a life of crime and violence just to survive. From what she remembered, he did not join the survey corps out of his own volition either.

Hange brushed Levi's bangs out of his face and reapplied the wet cloth on his forehead.

She shuddered as she listened to Levi's soft whimpers. His face was a mess. She guessed he had a few broken ribs, probably some internal bleeding. He needed to get to a doctor and even if he did survive, he could be left with a permanent disability.

While the rich kid who disobeyed her parents and willingly joined the battle, just came out blind in one eye with a few bruises and scars. Hange let out a pained sigh as she thought of how unfair it all was. She had experienced enough comfort growing up and could have gladly taken some of that misfortune off his shoulders.

Levi's history was a stark contrast to hers. Hange had come from a comfortable background and despite her parent's protests, had committed to joining the survey corps out of sheer curiosity on what existed outside the walls. To her, military service was an escape, an escape from the safe, comfortable yet predictable future her parents had set out for her.

"Now that I think about it, I was free to do whatever I wanted. I had the choice to live within Wall Sina, the choice to defy my parents and join the survey corps. So I shouldn't be regretting anything…" Hange lightly tapped her eyepatch. The pain had completely faded and as she put pressure on it, the only thing she felt was the phantom pain from the memory of the explosion and glass flying into her eye.

She looked back to the sleeping Levi, trying to gauge how much pain he must be in, given the gravity of his injuries. She ended up laughing at her own naivete. She had experienced her fair share of injuries. They were all painful yet none of them really evolved into a full blown hospital stay or an injury leave.

Back then, an explosion like that would definitely have put him on injury leave for at least a month.

As Hange reminisced on their old expeditions outside the walls, she gave a sardonic laugh. "Worst timing eh? Can't even take you to a hospital for decent healthcare. We have a war to fight and you're stuck in bed."

"No… time… for care. We need… to fight...”

Hange instinctively looked down when she felt something warm on her fingers. She watched, amused as Levi tried to find the most natural way to wrap three fingers around her hand.  "I'll go to your other side so at least it's your good hand wrapping around mine."

"No… Just sit near...."

Hange scooched closer to his hand and Levi settled for putting his right hand on top of hers. Levi's hand twitched a few times, possibly in protest to his attempts to squeeze her hand. She grasped it lightly and felt the hand on top of hers relax as she took on his burden. Somehow, his face seemed to relax more.

Hange lay down beside him on the forest floor, careful not to jostle his injured hand as she held it. She rolled over to her side and studied his bandaged face once again.

Ever since Levi had become a captain of the survey corps, he was constantly moving, constantly thinking. The weight of everyone's expectations on humanity's strongest was a heavy burden to carry. She had seen him fall asleep multiple times in Erwin's office or more recently, in her room next to her. He usually slept for three hours a night, easily awoken by the slightest sound, but there, right next to her, he looked like he had fallen into a deep sleep.

"Why now? How are you able to fall asleep now?" Hange asked softly with no expectations for an answer. By then, Levi's breathing had already evened out and Hange instead kept herself occupied, by mimicking the slow and steady breaths of the man next to her.

Somehow, she managed to fall asleep,too.

                                         Heroes or Victims

Levi's fever only worsened.

He wasn't awake yet but Hange feared that he could be in pain.

Hange searched the forest for familiar plants. She was no botanist but she had studied enough to know what could be used to alleviate pain, stave off infections.

Whether she would be giving it in the right doses and processing it correctly was the better question. She had seen the people in the infirmary do that same method multiple times as she supervised the treatments of injured soldiers who contracted fevers from wound infections. She was hesitant at first to even attempt such treatment on Levi without training but she had seen how a high fever deteriorates into chills, slow breathing, then eventually death without the right treatment. She decided for herself that it was a gamble she had to take. Hange only hoped that she remembered everything accurately enough that she wouldn’t end up poisoning him.

As she waited for the leaves to steep, she turned her attention to Levi. The wet cloth she had placed on his forehead was heating up alarmingly fast and Hange found herself shaking as she  wiped down his body with cooler water.

She recalled her own experiences in an attempt to placate her fears.

When was the last time she had felt that much heat come out of someone?

Maybe during her days supervising the injured survey corps members in the infirmary?

Did they survive?  

Back then, they had the safe, sterile environment of the infirmary. There, at that moment, it was just both of them in the middle of a dark forest. Her own attempts only served to worsen her already growing fears. Despite the high fever, Levi was sleeping like a log.

"Why do you look so fucking peaceful?" Hange teared up. She would have preferred to see Levi in a fitful sleep. Pain meant he was still there. Hange had learned, having watched countless soldiers die in the infirmary, that when the breath of the patient slows and they start to feel cool and clammy, it means certain death. Also, a peaceful sleep introduced the possibility that he might never wake up.

Hange resisted the temptation to shake Levi awake, risking further injury. Instead, she settled for putting her hand on his good one and squeezing hard enough to feel something back. She focused on the fact that he was still hot to touch. It meant he was still very much alive.

"Don't you fucking die on me."

                                     Heroes or Victims

Hange needed someone to talk to but at the same time, she was relieved that it had just been the two of them.

The ordeal with Levi's fever shooting up had left her exhausted, her eyes red and her nose running. As the poultice she had put together that night did its work and the fever started to subside, Hange had to stop herself from giving the injured Levi a good kick for all the stress he had caused her that night.

Hange woke up as soon as she heard the rustle of cloth next to her.

He's starting to come around.  

It was early morning and Hange wanted to use that time before the sun's heat became unbearable to wash the sheets by the riverside. She carried Levi a few feet towards the river bank, rested him on a tree and covered him with his green cloak.

The sheets were stained with blood and sweat and Hange made a mental note to change his bandages after cleaning out the bed sheets. Watching the blood stains disappear as the sheets flapped in the water was somehow calming. It gave the young commander enough time to reflect on the events of the night before, her own emotions and the fact that she was still lacking sleep. As the last bouts of sleepiness left her, the pent up emotions of last night started to take over.

"Levi, you asshole!" She screamed as she angrily pulled the wet sheets toward her. The sheet flailed as it fought between both her strength and the river carrying it westward. She needed a break. Emotions had built up inside her the night before with no decent outlet as she concentrated all her energy on keeping Levi alive.

"You fucking asshole!" Hange pulled the sheet out and threw it down into the water again.

The cold water that splashed towards her face somehow helped her cool off. Hange let the sheets flow along with the river, only holding on to them with the tips of her fingers. "It was fucking terrifying. You had this fucking face last night. You looked so peaceful. Like you wanted to sleep forever. Do you not want to live anymore? Is your life so shitty that you decide for yourself that 'hey maybe dying might be the better?’”

At that point, Hange did not know how much of what she said she actually meant. He could have heard it. Maybe he didn't. Hange though allowed herself the luxury of releasing everything that was bundled up inside her to the one person who would have understood her either way.  

"Life was shit. The dreams were good,” His reply was toneless and too rooted in their bleak reality.

Hange looked back to see that Levi was staring at her. For a while she wondered how much of her tirade he had heard but as she pulled the sheets out of the river and walked towards Levi, she found herself more interested in what Levi had just said.  

"Do you feel trapped?" Hange hung the sheet on a low lying branch then crouched down beside Levi.

"Trapped?"

"In life I mean. Like in this hellhole. You looked so free last night. For a while, I thought I was the selfish one for trying to keep you alive."

“I don’t know…”

Hange had to admit. It would be a difficult question for someone especially while recovering from a brush with death. She silently scooched closer to him and looked up, using that clear sky above her as a blank slate to organize her thoughts. She could at least use that extra time to predict an answer like she usually did.

What did I know about him? Admittedly, the two of them did spend a lot of time together but given their line of work, there was always something to discuss. They never had the free time to sit around and just discuss each other's histories. Everything Hange ever knew about Levi, she learned through the bouts of information he volunteered about himself in between sharing thoughts on the latest developments. Hange had taken the liberty to fill in the gaps herself on his personality using empathy, deduction, and pattern recognition.

She was reminded then, that although she knew Levi's personality and could easily predict how he'd react to most situations, she only knew so much about what his life was like before they met.

"Then let me ask something else." Before she even noticed it, Hange had softened her tone. The desperation and anger of a while ago was gone as it looked like Levi was going to survive.

"Hm?"

"What did you dream about?"

                                     Heroes or Victims

The world is a cruel place. That was something both Levi and Hange had concluded a long time ago.

The stark contrast between Levi’s dreams and the reality they lived in only made Hange feel worse for even taking out her frustrations on him. They had both experienced hell but Levi’s life had always been hell. From what she understood, he had grown up in abject poverty. He had experienced the worst the world had to offer--- starvation, discrimination, abuse. He had lost everyone he had ever loved. Only recently, he had lost everything he had known and suddenly was placed in a position of responsibility, forced to keep thinking, to keep moving.

Hange reflected on all these as she cleaned out his wounds. She couldn’t help but notice that Levi had stiffened up, possibly an attempt to control whatever natural reaction his body would make to the pain of the herbal poultice spilling into his deeper wounds. His attempt to hide the pain only served to intensify Hange’s guilt.

“It’s painful, huh?” She bit back tears. “I’m sorry. I was selfish.I didn’t wanna be trapped here alone but yeah,  I still have family alive. You have nothing and here I am being entitled, getting mad at you for almost dying.”

“Hey,” Levi said. He weakly grasped Hange’s wrist while she cleaned his wounds. “I’m not trapped. I never was.”

“How can you still say that after all the shit life has thrown at you?” Hange asked as she wriggled out of his weak grip and gently laid his hand on his bare chest.

“I had my mom. Then when she died, I had Farlan, then Isabel, Erwin, then my squad…When I lost them, it hurt like a bitch, every single fucking time.” Levi suddenly looked away from Hange.

Hange could tell from the slight crack in his voice that he was blinking back tears. She put her hand on top of his and squeezed, hoping that was enough for him to realize that he did not need to stop himself from showing emotion.  

Levi did not give in to his emotions though. The only sign that he was even about to cry a few seconds ago was that his voice had gotten softer. “But when I feel like shit, there’s always someone there to remind me that life was never just a hell hole. When this war is over, I like to imagine, life could get better. We could maybe live together, you can continue your stupid experiments, I can open a teashop.”

“Then we’ll fight over your black tea budget and how badly I clean the hallways,” Hange joked.

Levi’s mouth quivered into a smile and he closed his eyes. Hange watched as the sleeping effects of the herbal disinfectant took effect. She caressed his cheek and noted how his skin was still warm to the touch but not as hot as it was the night before.

When this war is over, I like to imagine, life could get better. Levi’s words echoed in Hange’s head. She closed her eyes, picturing the future he told her about a moment ago. It would take decades for the people within the walls to realize the futility of war and the vulnerability of the soldiers they had for so long revered. Either way, she let herself imagine spending a war-free future, stressing over mundane problems with the one she loved.

Before Hange left to scavenge for lunch, she allowed herself a few minutes to just stare at his sleeping face. She wondered if he was dreaming of that same future he had told her about. The subtle smile of a while ago had not disappeared from his face yet and somehow, he looked more peaceful than he did the night before.

Hange smiled. Maybe he was dreaming of the both of them. “You’re my escape, too,” she whispered.

Just in case he was.

[anika-ann]

If You Stumble... - Pt.2

Step Two

Type: Three-shot, part of a soulmate AU series  (part 1 here)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader    Word count: 3830

Summary: If you stumble…make it part of the dance.

Date à la Steve, aka charming bastard, completely off charts. Featuring dancing, stumbling, tons of fluff and some sexual tension if you squint.

Warnings: swearing, fluff

Part 1

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

You had enough time to process what you had seen in the video, pulling yourself together, getting excited about your special date again. Agent Morales was a good driver, his skills allowing you to relax in your seat, a smile finding its way to your lips.

By the time he pulled over, you couldn’t get out of the car fast enough – yet, someone beat you to opening the door, a hand being offered to assist you when stepping out.

One brief glance at the gentleman and you were smiling even wider, accepting his hand.

“Madam,” Steve greeted you softly as you climbed out of the car.

He looked amazing. You had seen him in a suit before, but this one was… different somehow. It might have only been due to the decorative handkerchief in his front pocket and the wider tie with a knot you weren’t seeing too often these days. Steve had his hair combed to side, old-fashion hair style, but it seemed as a bit of a clumsy job. While his appearance wasn’t exactly the same you were used to, the warm twinkle in his eyes remained.

“Captain Rogers,” slipped through your lips as you heard it too many times from your driver, making your soulmate blink in surprise, his shoulders tensing.

He gulped, his gaze shifting to the man who got out of the car.

“Captain Rogers,” he echoed.

“Thank you, Agent Morales. I realize this is way below your pay grade.”

The dark-haired man grinned. “Believe me, Captain, I had much worse assignments. Definitely with less pleasant company too. Enjoy your evening. Madam,” he nodded in goodbye and you reciprocated the gesture, doors shutting.

You were left alone with your companion, face to face with the most handsome man you had ever met.

“What is the plan for tonight, Captain Rogers?”

Steve licked his lips, apparently catching your amusement when you saw him squirm a little under the title. This was the second time you called him his rank since you met – and both were today within this minute.

He composed himself fast enough though. “Madam. Seeing as we’re about to spent an evening together, I believe you can drop the formalities.”

Using his opportunity as he still held your hand, he kissed its back, his gaze never leaving your face. For some reason, you found it as adorable as… sexy. There, you said it. The way he looked, the demeanour… it made things to your core.  Gentleman Steve was your new kink, though that could as well be because of Steve himself and your pilling sexual frustration with this man. And the fact you had fooled around a bit before and you knew the gentleman could vanish with a little effort, nearly tipping over the borders of politeness even.

“Mr. Rogers it is, then?”

“If you wish so,” he smirked and followed by offering you his elbow to lead you inside…whatever this was. He addressed you with Miss and your last name then and you bit your lip at the shiver it sent down your body.

Why was it affecting you this much tonight? You had been playful like this before.

“Yes, Mr. Rogers?”

“You wouldn’t know how to dance foxtrot, would you?” he asked nonchalantly, a spine-melting smile spreading on his lips when he saw the answer written all over your face, excitement lighting up your expression. Guess he couldn’t see the twist of your stomach, the little insecurity, reminding you that you weren’t the best dancer in the first place, taking too long to learn the simplest steps. You shook your head. “Swell. We’ll learn together then.”

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

The dancehall Steve led you in was… stunning. Not vast, which suited the fact there were only five other pairs in the room, one of them clearly being professionals judging by their choice of clothes; your lecturers.

The parquet floor appeared to be polished just minutes ago, nearly reflecting the lights. The interior was subtly decorated, stripe of weak light bulbs, the old-looking ones that you only knew from pictures, always lining out the title of movies outside of cinema. Several Chinese lanterns were hanging from the ceiling, drowning the room in moody crimson. You half-expected a band dressed in white tuxedos standing along the wall, but there was only table with a gramophone; the room was too small for anything else, you assumed. It still stole breath from your lungs as you casted a glance at Steve, absolutely astonished.

What… how… how?

He leaned to your ear and for a second you thought he was about to break character and explain. He did only one of those things.

“You’d be surprised at what people enjoy these days, miss. Little trips to the past every now and then…” he hummed indefinitely and you just shook your head, unable to respond.

Guess he wasn’t wrong. It still astounded you; how had he found the place? And how had he managed to accomplish the lack of staring from the other attendants?

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, in Charles’ dance hall. Tonight, we’re starting with foxtrot,” the man you had previously identified – correctly – greeted you. “As I see several new faces here, I’d like to remind you what is the most important part of making the dance resemble a dance. Your stance. The way you hold yourself.”

Well. Now you knew why you never had been good at dancing.

He demonstrated the starting position with the woman in lovely flowing silver dress. You gulped and tried to imitate her.

Yours and Steve’s feet lined up, your bodies below your waists rather close. His wide palm sat between your shoulder blades, perhaps an inch lower. Swallowing your panic when meeting his reassuring smile, you reluctantly leaned back into his touch.

“The key of course, is also partnership. Ladies, I need you to trust your partner and lean some of your weight onto his hand. He won’t drop you. Lean backwards a bit, tilt your head back slightly and turn your head an inch to your left. You’ll be watching your left upper corner, just in case you’d like to escape there.”

You chuckled at the silly little joke, the tension falling from your shoulders. You knew Steve wouldn’t drop you; but there was a difference between leaning onto his body as he held you and practically turning aside from him.

“I wouldn’t drop you, miss. I promise,” he mouthed and you fought the urge to roll your eyes.

Well. You didn’t really have a choice, did you?

With a deep exhale, you followed the lecturers’ example. Steve seemed perfectly content, not even a trace of strain on his face as he supported your weight.

Of course, you dummy, he can probably lift a car or something. One-handedly.

“Eyes to your left, lady in blue.”

You bit your lip when you were called out, but obeyed. It was dizzying, but you could tell it was mostly because of the foreign and very ridiculous fear of letting Steve take control.

“Perfect. Now, let’s move to the actual steps…”

༻༺༻༺༻ღ༺༻༺༻༺

The actual steps weren’t that hard; at least the basic ones. Yet, you and Steve both listened and watched intently, trying to absorb all the new info.

Steve’s fingers wandered from time to time though. He would toy with the hem of your dress, or gingerly brushed his fingertips along the ends of your hair. They were the most decent touches, absolutely innocent, but they were driving you crazy, incredibly distracting. It wasn’t an unpleasant distraction, it was the sweetest torture, making your insides deliciously warm, but god, you knew you would become mad with want before the night was over.

You had no freaking idea what was wrong with you tonight.

But Steve looking good enough to eat? Not helping.

The good-mood lightning? Not exactly helping either.

Steve’s touches? Not helping at all.

The indulgent smile on his face and the yet indefinable spark in his eyes resembling mischief? Really fucking not helping.

There was a break for ten minutes, to help you catch your breath, but Steve’s presence made it difficult. He bought you a soda, handing it to you with a polite smile, quickly retreating when his fingers brushed yours. As if it was inappropriate or something.

“Thank you, Mr.Rogers.”

“My pleasure, miss,” he murmured and you wondered if he was aware of what he was doing to you.

The more he avoided touches to act like a gentleman, the more you craved them. You were probably pathetic, but your body didn’t seem to care. You held your own – you reserved your touches as well. It was a bit maddening that he didn’t seem bothered by it as much as you were.

The real test of your skills came when figures were added to dancing. You felt like you nearly mastered the basic steps, which of course, led to learning more difficult combinations. Natural Turn was alright, just like the Reversed one. Hell, you managed even the Feather Finish or whatever the name was. Then came Waves, which was… okay.

Except it was followed by all of those things combined together in certain order. You felt like your brain hemispheres were on fire.

It was inevitable, really.

You mixed up the steps, feet tangling together – you were pretty sure you tripped over Steve’s too, because his feet naturally continued their right path – and you were falling, closing your eyes in anticipation of the impact.

Except you barely swayed.

Steve’s hand simply brought you closer, pushing you to his body so you stood upright again, stopping his movements just to hold you. With that, his face got really close all of sudden, his breath tickling your mouth, his warmth and cologne enwrapping you.

You slowly blinked your eyes open, meeting his bright eyes with only a shadow of concern. Christ, he was so handsome. You could feel his muscles this up close and you wanted to run your hands over them, to see what it would do to the good-natured blue and green of his irises, to feel his breathing pick up if you used your mouth to explore them.

“You alright… miss?”

You breathed in shakily, your lips parting. Your whole body buzzed, the almost-fall forgotten at instant, replaced by unbearable urge to steal a kiss. A very, very long kiss with tongue and wandering hands. You swore your heart was trying to beat its way out of your chest.

“Y-yes,” you stammered, licking your lips. Steve’s eyes flickered to follow the movement with his gaze, but swiftly snapped back to yours, a faint smile spreading on his face as he eased his hold.

Really? Really?!

“Told you I wouldn’t let you fall. Let’s join them at some familiar figure, shall we?”

Your brain was a scrambled mess, heat pooled in your belly, but you nodded, forcing your mind to get straight.

Dancing now. Foxtrot. Horizontal tango might come later. Ugh…

To your surprise, you actually managed to dive back in, the catchy tunes entering your body and leading you through. You practiced the combinations some more, your feet finally getting the message, growing familiar with how one step followed another, turn after turn, figure after figure.

You weren’t warned that it was the last song of the evening until it ended, your dance finished without a single fault, resulting in delighted grin on your face. Finally allowed, your gaze left the left upper corner and shifted to Steve as you straightened.

You were taken aback when he didn’t quite mirror your expression. His eyes were on you, yes, bright and full of wonder, but only subtlest smile on his full lips.

“What is it?” you whispered, partly because you were worried people might hear, partly because the atmosphere didn’t feel like it should be disturbed by loud voices. Peripherally, you noticed the couples were wrapped each in their own bubble as well. Good.

Steve lowered your joined hands to your side and then let go, his fingertips running up your arm, shoulder and neck, ending with his thumb tenderly brushing your cheek.

You were embarrassed at what the innocent touch did to you, but that was of no importance. Steve’s gaze was growing serious, yet remaining soft, just like his voice.  

“I… I thought I’d fit in here better than into today’s world,” he spoke lowly, his smile widening a fraction, a tiniest shake of his head following as if in disbelief. “But it turns out I just fit with you.”

Snap. Shot right through your heart, knocking air from your lungs. Your lips parted in silent shock, your bones melting as you understood why he was looking at you like that.

Oh, oh, heavens.

“Steve…” you whispered, touched by the sweetest words, the genuine and endless affection in his expression. He didn’t seem to mind the slip of his first name. This was beyond some little game. This was so, so much more true.

“I love you. I know it might be too soon to say that and you don’t have to say anything in return. I just think you deserve to know how special you are to me,“ he continued softly and your whole world begun floating.

He loves me.

A tide wave of delight washed over you, the blue and green of his irises drowning you. He loved you. This incredible wonderful human being loved you.

Yeah, you should have probably figured that out by now. You saw the video, little voice in your head supplied and you had to admit it wasn’t wrong.

‘This holds the greatest importance!’

‘With due all respect, Senator Brendon, so does she.’

The familiar pressure of unshed tears assaulted your eyes, your whole being, your very soul moved beyond words.

“Oh Steve, I love you too.”

The whole room seemed to light up and disappear; Steve’s smile turned blinding, his thumb grazing your lips. Oh, how you wanted to kiss him, to feel he loved you as he claimed.

Someone cleared their throat rather loudly and your private bubble burst with a deafening pop. Your head snapped their direction, only to see the dance teacher with the corners of his lips twitching.

“Madam, sir, I’m afraid I have to ask you to leave. We’ll be shutting lights for the day.”

You blinked in confusion, looking around; everyone had left already. You were the only pair remaining.

“Sorry,” Steve murmured, releasing you so you could gather your stuff, the little purse and thin sweater, only to throw both over your shoulders hastily.

His previous words still echoed in your ears like the most beautiful song ever, your heart happily singing along. He loved you.

“No harm done. Enjoy the rest of your evening,” the man wished you with a nod and Steve offered you an elbow on your way out. You accepted it, wishing to melt into him completely instead.

Only then you noticed it; was that a leather jacket on his arm? You frowned, but kept your mouth shut until you exited the building.

Steve beat you to speaking. “I hope you aren’t too tired, miss. We have one more destination.”

Your head snapped to him, caught off guard. Would he ever run out of surprises tonight? They had been all very pleasant, some more than others (he loved to too!), but you would be perfectly fine just going home for the night. And preferably take him with you to cuddle him to sleep. Or something else; not that he would be up for that, clearly, with his whole ‘miss’ thing and everything.

“We do?” you asked, curious smile on your lips.

“Yes. Don’t worry, though, it’s not far. Wouldn’t want you to walk for long in those shoes.”

God bless him.

Truth to his words, after less than five minutes you found yourself entering a cosy diner, slightly cheesy blue and pink interior with matching seats. The place was half-empty – or half-full, hard to tell – despite the late hour, a woman behind the counter instantly spotting you and following you with her gaze as Steve led you to a boot.

“After you,” he beckoned to the seats, gentleman all the way.

“Thank you, Mr.Rogers.”

He smirked at that, apparently content you had slid right back to your act. On the inside, you couldn’t decide whether you should keep trying so hard or simply let it go and show him that you wanted his old self back; the Steve Rogers you had met was charming enough, even though you couldn’t deny the appeal in meeting this one.

Given the fact it was after eleven, your usual bedtime nearing, you weren’t really hungry. While Steve ordered a burger, you only went for a milkshake. Even on the first glance, you could tell it was one of the quality milkshakes, a recipe from the times when people didn’t count every single calorie.

“Oh, oh wow,” you muttered when that thing landed in front of you along with polite ‘enjoy’.

“They’re good,” Steve assured you with a grin, waiting for you to eat – well, drink – first. “Trust me. I made my research before taking a swell dame like you here.”

You bit your lip at his words, touched and amused at the same time.

“Did you, Mr. Rogers? Do you realize that drinking this should be a crime? Especially at this hour? It’s a sugar bomb.” His face fell despite your playful tone and you decided not to torture him – not in a way that would make him feel miserable anyway. “And I’m gonna enjoy every single drop of that.”

You took the straw between your lips, giving an experimental suck, meeting his gaze that seemed to be locked on you.

Heaven exploded in your mouth. Yeah, screw this, you deserved some sugar after all the heavy work you had done on the dance floor. You might have moaned a little at the sweet taste, because Steve’s eyes darkened, his tongue darting to lick his lips. You fought a smirk, confident you had a pretty good idea of what crossed his mind when seeing you like this.

If he could torture you with his gentleman act, you could draw your own weapons. You fingers went to adjust the straw delicately, your eyelids fluttering close. Hearing the little choked noise he had released was about as delicious as the milkshake.

“You were right. It’s pretty good,” you exclaimed. Steve’s wide pupils hypnotized you and you grinned, nudging him with your foot lightly under the table. “You should start eating, Mr.Rogers.”

“Right. Right. Glad you like the... the milkshake.”

“Oh, I do. I really, really do.”

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Of course, Steve Rogers was a freaking bastard and he always had an ace in his sleeve, even when it came to causing cardiac arrests to his soulmate.

He paid for your food and drinks, because of course he did, but that wasn’t it. Nope. You left the diner shortly before midnight, that damn leather jacket of which you still had no clue what was for on his arm. It didn’t make sense; you would expect him to offer it to you, but you thought the actual chivalry was in offering a dame something he actually wore at the moment, showing her that her comfort was more important than his.

And then you saw the motorbike he had led you too and literally everything clicked into place. Including the dark nylons; he wanted at least something to cover you when you straddled the bike, sitting behind him.

Oh. Oh shit. This was going to be the death of you. You were suddenly very grateful for the choice you had made with your dress. Despite knowing what a ride like this would do to you and your filthy brain, you wouldn’t miss it for a world.

“May I give you a ride home, miss?” he asked with a grin, eyes sparkling happily when he saw your jaw fell.

“Yes!” you blurted out before your brain even processed what he was asking.

He held out the jacket for you to slip in, the warm material immediately enwrapping you. It smelled like leather and Steve and you inhaled more deeply, letting the sensation overwhelm you. Your imagination not so helpfully supplied you with Steve wearing the leader jacket, cocky smirk on his face and jerking his head, inviting you to sit behind him on the motorcycle.

Yes, you were definitely about to die and you weren’t thinking road accident.

“I have no helmet for you, but you have my word – I’d never let anything happen to you,” he declared as he stood at your back, his lips nearly brushing your earlobe, voice an octave lower than before and heavy with a promise.

You were dead. Murdered on spot. With unfairly wet underwear on top of that. God help me.

“Do you trust me?” he whispered with barely audible hesitance.

You gave a firm nod, snapping from your haze.

“Good. Come on.”

He straddled the bike – oh, how your mind hadn’t done him justice, the reality was much more destructive to both your heart and underwear, and he wasn’t even wearing the leather jacket –, beckoning for you to join him. You reluctantly did so, your thighs linked with his as each side. Your heart was beating its way out of your chest, hammering rapidly, and you were sure he would be able to feel that if you wrapped your arms around him – which was pretty much a necessity.

He glanced at your over his shoulder, a smile that was simultaneously sweet and wicked at the same time on his lips. Smug bastard, reading you like a book. What had you done to anyone, ending up with soulmate like that?

“I’m gonna need you to hold onto me,” he informed you gently and you took a deep breath, leaning onto his back.

God, he was warm. And muscular. So very muscular, which was no news, but God. You bit the inside of your cheek when you imagined just how perfect sensation you were about to have under your palms. Steve’s hands took your wrists with care, placing them on his middle, letting you feel his perfect front.

“Hold onto me tight. Can’t have you falling off, doll,” he whispered, the pet name rolling of his tongue with indulgence and you couldn’t tell whether it was on purpose. But it only fuelled your illusion of him being the bad boy of ol’ Brooklyn, sending a shudder through your body. You obeyed and placed your cheek against his back on top of that. It drew a satisfied hum from him, one you could feel in your bones as it vibrated though his chest. “That’s better. Can you keep it like this?”

You gulped. “Yeah. Yeah, I can.”

But I can’t promise I’ll ever let go.

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Part 3 (final)

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Tags: @cxptain​​​ @mermaidxatxheart​​ @smilexcaptainx​​ , @murdermornings​​​@irepostthingsiwanttoseelater , @polarcrystall​​​ @eliza5616​​​ @rayofdawnworld @victor-criss-bish​​​ @skychild29​​​  @elysianecho​​​ @simmisblog​​​ @scentedsongrebel​​​ @orions-nebula​​​, @sergeantrosabellaswan​​​ @songofcosplay​​​, @ilovesupersoldiers​​​ @wxstedhexrt​​ @silver-winter-wolf​​ @nova3312​​​  @guardian-tn @janieavalos​​​, @vxidnik​

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My Brain: Alright. We’ll summarize a nice date (because Steve’s sweet like that) in about two paragraphs and-- okay, fine, who are we kidding, it will probably take like 1k words, but that’s okay, we can work with that…. and then there will be their first time, the main focus of this fic.

-7k words later, have not even started with the funny business yet-

Word Counter: You were saying?

My Brain: …it’s all foreplay, can’t you see…?

Aaaanyway, thank you for reading!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #402

“there’s a space kept in hell with your name on the seat  /  with a spike in the chair just to make it complete”

Have you ever had any really infected injuries? Not an injury, per se, but I've had at least one ear piercing get infected during the healing process. Shit sucks ass. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? "Savior" by SWARM. Are you considered popular at school? I wasn't. If you could host your own talk show, would you do it? No. I've got nothing interesting to talk about. If you were starving would you eat food out of a garbage can? I honestly don't know if I could with how squeamish I am about sharing food, even with family. And we're talking about sharing food that's been in the TRASH. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I do. Which one of your senses would you be the most devastated to lose? I THINK hearing. I hate silence, so that would just be... haunting. I want to be able to hear people's voices and other sounds. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I have no idea. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? God no. They're divorced for a reason. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin’s works? No. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Some ice cream and a Mountain Dew bc I'm an emotional eater, my "graduation" pebble from my partial hospitalization program to remember how far I've come, some cold water to run over my face (or drink), my iPod for music and phone to watch YouTube, a nice, big blanket to turn into a burrito in... that kind of stuff. If you’re in a relationship, are you happy? And if you’re single, are you looking for someone? I'm not actively searching for anyone, no. What is something that people make fun of you for? Always being on the computer. It makes me EXTREMELY self-conscious, and I really wish people would keep their mouths shut about it. Which supermarket do you like to shop at? Wal-Mart. Have you ever been told that your boyfriend/girlfriend wasn’t good enough for you? In the past. Do you think it’s okay to flirt with someone that’s already taken, as long as it goes no further? Fuck no. Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP. Someone attractive is staring at you. What do you do? Probably just kinda smile and blush and look down/away. Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? *shrug* Favorite photo search engine? Tumblr for gifs, Google or Pinterest for still images, depending on what I'm looking for. Do you doggie paddle or actually swim in a pool? I'll do both, I think? It's been too long since I've swum. Ever made a snow angel? Ye-ep. Would you ever take up smoking? No. I like having operational lungs. Do you laugh at racial jokes? No. Hate to break it to ya, but they're not funny. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I've been loving Wings of Fire by Tui T. Sutherland, even if I'm reading very slowly. My psychiatrist has given me a new way to approach my hobbies I have difficulty engaging in, so I'm hoping if I keep it up, my rate of reading will speed up! Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Ahaha, yeah... "a," "s," and "d." A true gamer. How "w" is still alive, I couldn't tell ya. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sour Punch Straws, probably. The red ones, in specific. Last person you texted? My mom. What did you learn from your first job? That I can't work with people. Favorite website from your childhood? I was a Webkinz A D D I C T. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Cranberry came to mind very quickly. Least favorite pattern? uhhhhhhh Favorite potato food? Either French fries or Lays wavy potato chips. PC or console gaming? I grew up as a console gamer, so I'm kinda biased. Writing or drawing? Don't make me choose!! I get more satisfaction out of drawing something I'm proud of, but I do way more writing. Who would you put before everyone else? My mom, probably. Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Fairy lights are so cute. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? I shit you not, none. What is your third favourite colour? Hm. Maybe rose gold, or lilac. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I'm really not sure, but I WANT to say it was one of those slide-y, compact Blueberry ones? Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? The Cheshire Cat has always been very alluring to me. What is the last thing you looked up online? The definition to a word just to ensure I was using it correctly. Have you ever had your fortune read? No. I ain't wasting time or money on that shit. Can you read tarot cards? If you couldn't guess from above, I have zero faith in this kinda stuff, so I don't care to learn. Do you prefer lemons or limes? Lemons. I like lime flavoring in some stuff, though. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? The forest. Do you own a camera? I do, a Canon EOS Rebel T6. Have you ever written a special note in a book? Yes. Early into our relationship, Jason lent me a book to read, and I wrote a lil love letter in it for him. Do you have any artistic talents? I mean I like to think I'm a good writer and a decent artist. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT with Girt. It was fun because he's a horror pansy, haha. He did fine, though. What would you do if you found out you were pregnant? Freak the fuck out because I haven't had sex in many years, so that thing's coming the fuck out 'cuz it obviously ain't natural. Favorite thing to get at McDonalds? Look man, I'm shameless, I love me a Quarter Pounder w/ cheese. Plus some fries. :x Do you know anyone named Alex? I know multiple people named Alex, actually. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. In other words, it's been a loooong time.Would you ever record yourself having sex? God no. Like zero judgment to the people that do, but I get NOTHING out of watching others "do it." I've never actually tried watching porn, but I couldn't have less interest. I know I'd hate it, and a lot. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did, anyway. Have you or would you ever use a dating app? One of my most embarrassing secrets is that I was briefly on Christian Mingle. It makes me want to cringe into fucking oblivion. Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? My dad. He's... a character. What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? That time fucking flies, so cherish every millisecond. Do you and your friends ever talk about your sex lives? Not really. Even when I was sexually active, I was private about that stuff. I don't care if others talk to me about theirs, but odds are I'm not saying much about myself. What were the best and worst interviews you’ve ever had? What made them so good/bad? I've never had a bad interview, but I mean, I've only had I wanna say four in my whole life. None were anything special either, though. Ever put someone else in the hospital? No. Have you ever sold anything on eBay? If so, what? No. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Finding a container of puppy chow underneath the Christmas tree one year. It was my parents' way of telling me we were getting a dog (which I had been nagging them about FOREVER), and next came Teddy. <3 I miss my boy. Is someone in love with you? I wouldn't know. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? That's a hard no. Do you wear cologne/perfume/aftershave regularly? No. Do you snore? No, actually. Pretty astonishing for someone with such severe sleep apnea. When is the last time someone else slept in your bed? When Sara last visited. How often do you dust? Not... nearly enough as I'm supposed to. Mom gets on me about it all the time. What is the most ‘extreme’ activity you have ever done? Ha, nothing wild, I assure you. I guess riding a four-wheeler through the woods once with our former neighbors, who were good friends of ours.. Have you ever rode on a mobility scooter/wheelchair just for fun? Um, no? That's a jackass thing to do. Some people actually need those. Who’s the most controlling person you know? OH MY FUCKING GOD. OUR FAMILY FRIEND TOBEY. EASILY. She seizes control of EVERY situation, even if she has no right to be involved in it. Does anyone keep a photo of you in their purse/wallet, and if so, who? Not to my knowledge. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do! I like arriving in time to see them. Have you ever been burgled? No, thankfully. Have you ever entered anything into Urban Dictionary? If so, what? No. What’s the last live performance you watched on TV? No idea. Have you ever been embarrassed to buy something from a shop? Not to my recollection. It helps that I'm not the one buying things, like ever. What’s the name of one of your friends’ dogs? Buster! :') He's a precious lil bean. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A GIANT CENTIPEDE. That's one pet in the invert community that I have ZERO interest in EVER owning. Those bitches are scary. Have you ever needed to wear a tie? If so, when/why? Nope.

[junejalow]

“Date Night”

Coolguy1245 requested the a prompt of Thermite/Ash going on a date.

Sorry this took so long to get out, I've honestly been caught up with other things but I'm getting back full swing on requests! Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Text

Thermite whistled to himself as he leisurely walked along the halls of the base, he had just finished up some drills under Thatcher's watch and helped him out with paper work afterwards which surprising didn't draw any form of usual complaint from the older man, he was slightly taken aback by the action despite it speeding up the process. Jordan could get work done when in the right mind set and with the right people or on his own even if he tended to procrastinate when left alone, he eventually got the work done before whatever dead line the reports had since he didn't want Ash, Harry, Thatcher or Montagne's scolding on his ass. He sighed at the thought, pushing it aside as he neared his designation. He had walked from the training grounds, court yard, living area to the showers, stopped to fill out reports with Thatcher, hurried along to the dorm section and now he was here. He fished around in his pocket for the key to his room and with one swift movement he unlocked the door and turned the nob. He noticed the lights were already on and glanced to Ash's work desk, sure enough the attacker was sitting there typing away on her laptop with papers strewed around and folders stacked or opened. Her brow was furrowed with concentration to whatever she was working on. He didn't disturb her until he heard the laptop click shut.

"How was training?" Ash asked as she cleaned up her desk, putting papers into the correct files and placing them in storage. She was a organized frantic when it came to things being put in their place, mainly when it was files. She couldn't stress enough how easy things were to find when they were placed correctly, vs the mess Jordan had on his side of things but she never tried to fix any of it since she valued her sanity and the hard Texan always managed to find exactly what he needed. Ash would never openly say it, but the simple act amazed her. He could pick a needle out of a hay stack with one look.

"Same as usual, Although a accident happened. Nothing to bad. Blitz rushed the biohazard container last second and flash banged Jager, caught him off guard, Poor guy tripped over some ruble from a wall I took down and busted his tail bone. Fuze ain't happy about it, nearly shoved Blitz against a wall over the matter." He replied, watching Ash get ready for the date they agreed to go on this afternoon after all of their work was done.

"See, this is why I told Harry it wasn't a good idea to have anyone romantically involved on opposite sides. That exact situation could have turned into a fight and that's the last thing we need."

"Hey hey, it's alright. There aren't any hard feelings. Monty calmed everyone down and they understood it was just training and accidents happen. Even Thatcher didn't leave until everyone was good. It's fine, really." Jordan told her, leaving the shared room with her after grabbing his car keys.

"Not the point Jordan." She sighed out with a light annoyed tone. "I'm not against anyone here having a relationship, it helps in ways. Like you did with me…. I would be drowning in work and responsibilities if you weren't here to tug me back a few steps." He smiled warmly and grabbed her hand, taking their time walking through the hallways of the base.

"I needed you too Eliza, I got no one outside this team. Everyone here is like family of some sort or another but you…damn woman you are so much more~"

"Starting your flirting already? Did your gadget blast you with too much heat?" Ash teased with a smile, shivering faintly to the chilly England air as they walked out of the dorm section of the base and across open ground to the parking lot. Various car's neatly lined up. Harry didn't mind them leaving and exploring during downtime but expected them to come back within reasonable time incase there was an emergency, which seemed to be a lot lately. Half the base was currently deployed to different countries right now. Thermite himself had just returned not even three days ago from a month long mission helping defuse bombs from several sites and hidden factory's the White Masks were crafting and producing. His hands were still sore but he would never complain about it, not when the entire team had come back without a scratch. Sure exhausted and lack of sleep had taken it's toll on all of them, that wasn't anything new to the operators. He wouldn't trade sleep for this chance of a date night, they had been planning this for months now with the last three attempts being stolen away by their jobs calling for their attention. Soon enough the pair were on their way down the road, soft music playing from the radio between idol chatter of news reports about jobs, tv shows, new food brands, touring music bands, and new movie releases. Ash's phone bleeped with a text message, she tried to ignore it since she promised Jordan her attention would be on the date and not work once they left.

"You can answer it Eliza, we're not at the restaurant yet." Thermite told her with a reassuring tone.

"I'm not going back on my promise Jordan, that's not something I do and you know it."

"What if it's Jager letting you know he got called out for a mission? You know he never rests for anything, he's on standby as well." He replied, making a good point. He had personally witnessed the German operator fly them out of harsh situations even with injuries, even though the scolding he got from Doc and Harry himself wasn't very nice to listen too and left the pilot not wanting to leave his room for awhile.

"It's nothing important, if it was they would have called instead." Eliza replied, dismissing the subject. Her eyes wondered to the passing scenery, small stores, café's, old historical areas. Even she had to admit that England was a pretty place. Smoke and Mute had taken them on tours before as a team building exercise that turned into an all day trip, it was much needed at the time though. A lot of them had come back from a mass joint operation that ended in success but not without casualties, they had a lost a hand full of recruits that day. Montagne and Kapkan were emotionally scarred from it, they had personally trained the recruits for that mission just for them to come home in coffins. It took a solid month for them to come out of their depressed states and focus on the bigger issue at hand. She noticed the scenery slowing down as Thermite pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, once he found a decent parking spot he escorted her inside. They found a booth in the corner and settled in, it only took them a few minutes to get drinks and their food ordered. Thankfully neither of them were picky about what they consumed. Living on base with different nationalities you learned to eat whatever was offered by the on site staff who tended to change up the weekly food list to make everyone happy, of course the kitchen was open over the weekend for the operator's. Some enjoyed baking sweets or a simple home dish to lift spirits.

"You know...this is pretty nice. Getting out like this and relaxing." Eliza said with a smile, working at a steak with her cutlery.

"We don't get it often, and I don't count on base movie nights as dates." Jordan chuckled.

"Those are not movie nights, that's just a excuse for our friends to get drunk and fight over the remote for the tv."

"Okay okay, I'll give you that one… even though you stole the remote last time and played that cheesy love movie."

"Jordan! It was not cheesy! It was a good movie and you have zero taste in anything that doesn't explode."

"Really? Coming from someone who launches grenades' at walls?" Eliza paused midchew and stared at him from across the table, after a moment of silence they both tried to stifle a laugh so they wouldn't be too loud.

The two attacker's couldn't have any solid arguments about their own equipment since both were similar in ways. It was all in good fun though and both knew it, bantering like this relieved stress in an odd way for them. Ash waved her hand in front of her towards Thermite when he asked if she was retort any.

"No, no. I'm done. You had a fair point Jordan." She replied with a genuine smile. Thermite found himself returning the same type of smile, He loved the woman sitting in front of him with every fiber of his being for a endless list of reasons. The way they interacted with each other was in the top ten on that list. He could always joke around with her without it being taken serious. They had been around each other long enough to know the faint body signals, the small twitches, muscles tensing or jaws setting a certain way that gave away aggravation.

"Hey, did you still wanna talk about whatever it was you mentioned this morning?" She suddenly asked him, eyes gleaming curiously.

"Right! Right," Jordan said before clearing his throat a bit, he had finished his own steak earlier. Being among the few guys within rainbow that could put a lot of competitive eaters to shame. "Well. I recently got an apartment off base, and…I um…" Eliza waited patiently, concern filling her features. Jordan was never at a loss for words so she knew this was coming important.

"Jordie… what's going on?" She asked softly, using his nickname only she could call him by. Anyone else caught a glare from the Texan that clearly told people not to use it. He glanced up from his scarred hands, pausing to seeing her expression.

"It's not bad! I promise I was just… wondering if you wanted… to move in with me. Maybe take this a step further?"

Her face blanked out for a moment, taking in the request from her boyfriend. Her pulse quickened at the thought of actually living off base with him, both of them would constantly have to take their work home or rush back at a moment's notice should anything happen. But at the same time… having a place to call their own? She felt a grin spreading across her face before she said anything.

"You know what? I like that idea, I would love to move in with you." Jordan felt his chest swell with mixed emotions, happiness, fear, excitement, nervousness.

"Y-you serious? You really want to?"

She nodded, keeping her grin. "Yes, I'm being dead serious Jordan."

Thermite had to stop himself from jumping up and shouting right on the spot, his dream coming true of finally having a more private area with Eliza. A place they could officially call home and not be interrupted at night by loud noises or arguing between operators. "Thank you for agreeing, I'm moving everything next week if that's enough time for you."

"Of course, I can work with that."

The couple soon finished up their drinks and headed back out after paying, they wondered into base and quickly skipped past the common room. Hearing Rook fuss at Lion about drinking too much with them being on stand by, Blitz keeping Bandit from going after them for interrupting his tv show. Glaz and Mute sitting at a table on the other side of the room, the Russian working on a sketch while Mute typed away at his laptop. It wasn't unusual to see the pair together when Tachanka and Smoke were off base on missions. Ash shook her head they couldn't have one quiet afternoon here without something happening but that was the fun part of being with Rainbow. All the different people and personalities. Even if her and Jordan moved to the apartment soon, they would always be here for their family.

[mcheang]

Shadow And Bone episode 6 recap

Spoiler alert

Kirigan interrogates the Conductor. With the help of Ivan to detect his (unconvincing) lies, Kirigan deduces his identity. Yeah, he’s not happy that the man smuggles Grisha out of his palace and desert Ravka. Oooh, turns out Nina wasn’t on the Conductor’s side, she was spying on him for Kirigan. Nice. I would have felt bad for the Conductor about this betrayal, but after seeing him kill Marie...plus, he isn’t the decent man I thought of at first impression. Turns out this man has some inner steel, and general sliminess. After Kirigan correctly deduces his plan with the Crows, the Conductor admits he was hired for a bigger bounty to kill Alina. He tries to escape punishment by offering to spy on General Zlatan...for a price. WTH that’s a lousy offer to escape punishment. Kirigan kills the Conductor by choking him with shadows. Did not know he could do that. How can shadow choke a person? Also, nice hand movements, General. This is one of my favorite scenes, minus the death part, because we see how the Grisha operate as soldiers beyond the battlefield.

Also Arken is a lousy liar. He was caught in an oprichnik uniform and still claimed to be an entertainer... not to mention Genya survived to give witness

Alina escapes the locked trunk and the Crows. Can’t say i blame them, they are not exactly friendly. Inej lets her escape, actually smiling as she does so. Woohoo!

Inej’s smile

Fedyor reports about Nina’s recent capture and is sent to find her alone. Yikes. Maybe bring some back up if she’s near the Fjerdan border???

Nina and Mattias survive on a floating piece of wood. They reluctantly agree to work together because he can swim them to shore and she can keep them warm.

The crows try to find Alina in vain. Kaz accuses Inej of saving her saint, which will end with them penniless and no more Crow Club for nothing. Can’t blame him for getting angry. But go Inej!

Uh oh, turns out Zoya has a history with Kirigan... she wasn’t just a girl with a crush. She was his actual lover...wow. Awkward. And anyway, after somewhat incorrect but not entirely conjecture that Alina left on her own, Kirigan rejects Zoya. Dude...maybe you should have made that clearer way earlier!!!! Zoya is not happy being dumped. Anyway her accusation about Alina is clearly based on jealousy, but Kirigan identifies with Alina’s struggles.

Nina and Mattias wash up on Fjerdan shores. Seems like it. Nina can also speak fluently in 6 languages.

Alina is suspected for her Shu heritage but she blinds the soldier who tries to take her captive, and punches the other. She flees into the woods and is located by Mal.

Nina and Mattias take refuge in an abandoned shelter. To get warm, they have to strip. Nina is more practical. Mattias is not, but he eventually agrees to share body warmth and let Nina warm him with her powers. And I can’t blame Nina for getting stunned speechless by Mattias.

Alina and Mal learn that they did write to each other but never got the letters. Alina reveals she was unaware that she was Grisha, that she sabotaged her exam so she wouldn’t get taken away. Alina is disappointed that Baghra is telling the truth when she realizes Kirigan stole her stag drawings from her journal.

Apparently Fjerdan has expectations for women to be modest housekeepers and the men to be fighters. Nina is not impressed.

General Kirigan, David, Ivan, the dead Inferni’s twin Polina and Zoya have arrived at the Crows’ current location, using their stolen carriage as a clue. Said carriage was also booby trapped to explode and alert the Crows that their time is up. They enter the streets but Inej’s knife makes her identifiable to a vengeful Polina.

Splitting up was Kaz’s idea. Jesper knows better than to enter Ivan’s sight and tries hitting through his bulletproof kefta, enjoying a challenge. It doesn’t hurt that he is a Fabrikator either...maybe that had helped...but the presence of a child woken by their fight makes Jesper spare Ivan.

Polina fights Inej and wounds her. Inej gives Polina a possibly fatal blow but tries to spare her life. Upon hearing Polina swear vengeance, Inej makes the blow certainly fatal and leaves. Yeah, Polina wasn’t thinking clearly... I understand her rage, but maybe try not to give your opponent more incentive to kill you?

Zoya fails to find Kaz. Kirigan does not. Kaz mocks the Darkling by saying Alina left on her own, no longer desiring to be his captive. Wow...Kirigan honestly looks hurt by this. And he’s going to kill Kaz. Even if he doesn’t have useful information, he did provoke them first. Kaz escapes the Cut via flashbomb.

With Inej wounded, the Crows settle for stealing Kirigan’s carriage, knocking out David in the process. Wow...you really want Kirigan vengeful, don’t you? Anyway, David promises he can track Alina via the ring Genya gave her. Try to use nicer compliments than useful, please Kirigan!

Alina tries to help heal the wounds Baghra’s oprichnik gave Mal. Yeah, pretty sure she would not be so grateful to Baghra if she knew the woman tried to kill her first love. Alina decides to head after the stag so she can destroy the Fold.

Mattias admits he is softening towards Nina and even saves her life when he could have let her die. They introduce themselves with names. It is here that I have fallen for Mattias.

Alina realizes that using Grisha powers makes them healthy and is how Kirigan is so old. Mal doesn’t want to know about what she did with Aleksander but just wants her safe. Aw.

Kirigan interrogates the soldier Alina punched, confirming she fled north into the woods. He also reveals that a tracker (Mal) came looking for Alina. Kirigan realizes Mal and Alina are probably reunited and is NOT happy. He also deduces she is hunting the stag. (Actually the direction she fled in was pure chance since she only just decided to hunt it)

David’s hand-raising moment is the funniest. The Darkling and Ivan are like, what are you doing? Lol

Seeing Zoya’s relationship with Kirigan. I am actually on her side here. The Darkling dumped her just because Alina came along. Maybe it was a physical relationship only, but Kirigan shouldn’t have just ended things like that. Though, granted it definitely was not serious if Zoya was willing to sleep with Mal...

While Kirigan doesn’t have feelings for Zoya and sees David as a useful Durast, he does care for his Grisha, sending out Fedyor to save Nina even while he is occupied about Alina, as well as allowing Polina her chance at vengeance. He is also noticeably upset that Alina has truly run from him, and also her reunion with Mal. He’s hurt by the former and angry about the latter.

And Alina saying Baghra was right...did you hope she was lying?

What did the Darkling say in Siege and Storm? That killing gets easier? This seems true for Inej. She killed the inferni instead of knocking him out to save Kaz. She killed Polina rather than risk her vengeance. She can kill to save others, but not to procure her own freedom.

I like Ivan in this episode. Frankly the Crows vs Grisha fight was awesome!

And did you see the book David was reading? XD

[francisbaconguy]

To anyone who wants to commission VivziePop for a full scale drawing according to this tweet: https://twitter.com/VivziePop/status/1261016646853902336

My advice: STOP AT ONCE!!!!

DO NOT!!! I REPEAT, DO NOT DO IT!!!! STAY AWAY FROM THAT TRASH OF A POST!!! Your just going to end up getting your money stolen for years on end! Why? Because Viv is not mature enough to handle it! She is not READY AND NEVER WILL BE!!!!

Viv, your fans aren’t your damn welfare check! It’s not there responsibility to clean up after your shit! It’s called a JOB!!! A job that you don’t hand! Being a producer and showrunner is a career only for professionals who are responsible and can actually do proper management!

If you want to pay a bill, get off your ass and work for it! Do freelance, an office job, even a yard sale! But WORK!

Don’t sit back on your ass and use their money to pay people to do cartoons for you!

If you want to animate too for your cartoons, be my guest! But there’s gotta be some money coming from that too!

A problem with Viv is that she makes a lot of hollow promises and tries to bite off more than she can chew. She wants to make Hazbin a reality, wants to make a Helluva series, wants to animate Zoophobia, Tinder, a series of comics; but she can’t get off her lazy ass to even work on these commissions.

If you ask me, she shouldn’t have done them; PERIOD!

Because they are a huge responsibility and God knows how many she has taken. And Patreons also have to get a fucking’ speedraw with their purchase. A FUCKING SPEEDRAW!!! Her priority should’ve went to the Patreons and Patreons alone because it’s all done on a monthly basis and God knows how much money stashed was given to her.

For the production or no, that’s still a lot of bacon they gave. Not to mention that merch sales are also padded to the pile for budget, even if contributors have been given a cut.

Viv is just not good with managing money from the looks of it. I have half the mind to believe that some portions of the commission money also pile to the budget too. And maybe it would’ve been wise for her to actually make a decent and appropriate budget and work within the limitations (such as animating yourself or maybe heaven forbid; cut corners like rigging) instead of overly-expensive stuff like using a union voice record for Helluva Boss and getting big time people like Parry Gripp and Weird Al Yankovic involved.

I compare Viv’s strategy between two artists that she worked with; Nico Colaleo and Maxwell Atoms; one whom was more strategical and one that had a complete flop.

Nico was the creator of Ollie and Scoops (Viv voiced in the show). He did everything he was suppose to do before tackling on a big production he created. He pitched it first, worked on his own show for Dreamworks, and was able to build connections, save a bundle by STILL WORKING (Netflix) and was able to assemble a crew that were far more into consistency and expressive than Hazbin. And that show is gonna get a hell lot of celebrities; I’m talking Matilda from the movie, Angry Video Game Nerd and Kevin “Batman” Conroy. I’m shocked Weird Al turned the show down. Could’ve had potential.

Maxwell created Billy and Mandy and had a film that he Kickstarted called Dead Meat (Viv volunteered for it). Maxwell did not do his research and while he made a great working environment and a unique concept, had to spend a large portion of the budget on the actors alone because it was union, and he didn’t do his paperwork / research correctly which makes him legally unable to complete it without making major changes that would’ve made the project different. Most of what he can do is figure out a way to properly refund the backers because it has been 10 years. At least he learned from his mistakes and had to officially explain it instead of hiding like a coward.

What does this have to do with commissions? Because not only do I sense that the commission money is going to clean up any messes she made for production, but I also think that it’s a primary example of her falling into a flop category as Maxwell is.

I fear that people who commission with Viv are just gonna end up with no money in their pocket while Viv tries to find someone who can clean up her spilled milk.

Also, I saw a lot of posts saying that animators at Hazbin aren’t paid at all or paid enough. Most of their justifications come from using Viv’s Patreon goal of “full time paid” or Animator Guilds’ union rates to justify the claim. I will say that unless someone who literally worked for Viv immediately justifies the claim, I wouldn’t listen to it.

Rates are gonna vary from studio to studio, artist to artist, job to job; there’s no such thing as a set pay-rate. Some are paid hourly, some are paid bi weekly or weekly, some follow a “per second” / “per minute” guideline. Pencilmation, Skynamic Studios, Hobbykids and most indie productions follow the same guideline, which is a good tactic to get cheap and fair work while dangling the creative freedom carrot around. From what’s to speculate and from people who work on productions similar to Viv, her productions pay a “per second” system.

Again, rates and numbers are gonna vary from duty and artist but that’s the same system used in many independent productions. Is it common? Yes. Is it the same benefit as union rates? No. But it doesn’t necessarily support the not paying enough theory when you don’t even know the living conditions of said artists who work for Viv in the first place. For all you know, Viv’s job saved their unemployment.

However that doesn’t mean not all artists were comfortable working with Viv. There was a voice actor who was initially gonna sing as one of the main characters in one of Viv’s projects but was mysteriously replaced without his knowledge. According to him, working with Viv was stressful. Another storyboard artist was annoyed drawing her characters and was wanted to get the “damn” thing over with because they were awful. This shows that Viv can’t please everyone she works with.

All of this attributes on how Viv wants to overdo her creative urges by creating MORE and MORE. It’s okay to create outlets of materials such as cartoons and comics to keep your creativity alive, but doing too much will burn you out, which is what happened to her. She burns out too much which makes her unable to complete what she owed.

Hence why I say; DO NOT COMMISSION HER AGAIN!!! LET VIV FEND FOR HERSELF! LET HER USE HER CREATIVE VIBE ON ACTUAL WORK TO GET PAID! LET HER WORK HER ASS OFF!!!

If you wanna do it out of her own free will, go ahead. But I will advise to think it through. If you let her goat you to donate, what would you possibly have to gain from it? What’s in it for you; for the long year wait of a simple drawing?

Which btw, has a lot of questioning onto the price. While some artists do have high prices worth for their time, her room for improvement on her own artwork (anatomy, perspective) mixed with her inability to make deadlines kinda makes the price skeptical to worth that large amount.

So again, those who donate, what’s in it for you?

And if you want to donate just for the sake of the art, Don’t. Just don’t. Save your money and let her earn hers. She will be fine financially working on her own.

UPDATE: It came to my attention that Hazbin has officially been picked up for a TV show deal. Well I’m proud of Viv for making her dream a reality. However, unless I see an update on Viv on how she wants to handle the process of commissions owed or were in the Patreon, this post is still staying up. But now that she’s gonna be playing in the big leagues, please don’t commission her until she cleans up her mess. It’s better for her sake and yours!

[writer-dreams]

Love Potion (Part 3) (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

Hellooo!!!! At last, Part 3 is here! Sorry it's so late, I had some technical issues so I'm glad it's fixed now. I'm not too proud of this part, but hopefully you all enjoy!

Prologue / Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / End

Update Tags: @celestialceci @marvelobsessedteen @imaginesforthepeople @danidomm @marvelrose @vogueworthy-barnes @glossysoph

House: You choose

Blood Status: You choose

Warnings: Possible swearing

Note: The reader in this story is female / uses female pronouns.

Word Count: 1,439 words

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3rd Person POV

Day 3:

After the Pansy incident, Draco offered to help Y/n study for the potions quiz, which she gratefully accepted. He walked her to the library, carrying all of her books even when she refused his assistance. However, Draco kept stubbornly arguing with her until she finally gave in. So here she was, walking alongside the platinum-blonde male. When they finally arrived at the library, Draco chose a table for the two to sit at. He placed the books down and pulled out a chair for Y/n like a gentleman. She rolled her eyes a bit at the gesture but thankfully took the seat anyway. Draco then walked to the other side of the table and seated himself. He opened one of her ridiculously large textbooks and flipped to a random page.

"Y/n? What would you get if you added Powdered Root of Asphodel to an infusion of Wormwood?" Draco quizzed.

Y/n racked her brain desperately for the answer. Unfortunately, she couldn’t think of it. She groaned in frustration, the answer was just on the tip of her tongue.

"Draught of Peace?" She guessed as she gave up.

"You would get a Draught of Living Death." Draco corrected. "What about this? Where would you look if I told you to find me a Bezoar?"

Again, Y/n struggled to come up with the answer. She faintly recalled Snape teaching them this but she still couldn’t place her finger on it. "The Forbidden Forest?" She guessed in defeat.

"A Bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat." Draco explained. "It can save people from most deadly poisons."

Y/n sighed deeply. She lowered her head into her hands, feeling the stress overcome her. There was almost no doubt about it, she was going to fail this quiz. Draco gently lifted her head by her chin and pulled her into a loving hug. He didn’t say anything, he just held her in her arms, occasionally stroking her head in a soothing manner until she felt the stress fade away.

Why am I feeling like this around him? Draco had this odd calming effect on Y/n that she simply couldn’t understand. The feeling of his warm arms around her made her feel safe and serene. She didn’t know if she liked this feeling or not. Once her breathing had slowed down and Draco felt she was better, he released her.

"Don’t beat yourself up over this stuff, Love. Let’s try brewing potions, okay? It’ll be on the quiz and will help you remember the answers for the questions." Draco suggested. Y/n nodded in agreement, desperate to do anything that would help her pass this test. Draco then cleared the desk, lightly pushing her books to the edge of the table and placed a small cauldron on the wooden surface. He then lined a bunch of ingredients on the table ranging from a unicorn’s horn to moonstone powder. "Let’s begin with something simple, alright? Brew a Boils Cure for me."

Y/n nodded and began the process of making the potion. She mindlessly added various ingredients, still mulling over the fact that she couldn’t answer Draco’s simple questions. Caught up in her thoughts, she almost added an ingredient that would certainly cause her doom. Before she could drop it in the brew, she felt Draco’s hand grab hers and tug it away from the cauldron. Confused, she looked up at him to see slight panic in his eyes.

"Don’t put those in yet. You have to take the potion off the flame first before you add porcupine quills or else you’ll get boils. Remember Longbottom? The bloody idiot made that mistake and ended up with boils all over his skin." Draco reminded her.

Y/n was upset with herself for almost making such a simple mistake. This was something they learned in first year, how could she have forgotten so easily?! In her frustration, it sounded more like Draco was mocking her for the mistake rather than being worried for her.

"And why would you care?" She spat angrily.

Draco looked surprised and a bit hurt before understanding flashed in his eyes as he realized she was lashing at him out of anger. "I care because I don’t want your beautiful skin to be covered in those ugly boils." He pressed a soft kiss against her cheek.

Once again, Y/n could feel the odd calming effect Draco had on her. What was happening to her? What was this weird feeling? Why was Draco Malfoy of all people giving her this feeling? Surely, she couldn’t be falling for him. No, she would never let herself stoop down to such levels. The real Malfoy wouldn’t give a damn if she was stressed or not, in fact, he would probably laugh at her instead or tease her about it like the prat he is. He was only acting like he cared because of this stupid love potion. Y/n was convinced that she did not love Draco Malfoy and that these weird feelings would disappear once he returned to normal. She was seriously beginning to regret her life choices and accepting this ridiculous dare. This love potion was messing up her life and how she viewed Draco Malfoy. It tricked her into seeing a kinder, more caring side of Draco that would never exist if he was himself. She ignored the feeling and snapped back to reality as Draco removed his lips from her cheek.

"I love you and I would hate to see you in pain because of those boils." Draco said softly. Y/n smiled up at him and pecked him on the cheek.

"Thank you for caring, Draco."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After their moment had passed, Draco continued to assist Y/n with her studying. After brewing a successful Boils Cure, Draco decided to try and help Y/n brew something a little more advanced; a Draught of Living Death. He stood behind her and held her hands, guiding her through the steps to brew the sleeping draught. He held her hands when cutting the Sopophorous bean and still held them when stirring the potion. Once the potion was completed, Draco dropped a small leaf into the liquid. It floated on the surface for a second before disintegrating completely.

"Perfect. Just like that, you and I have brewed a deadly concoction of a Draught of Living Death." Draco beamed with pride. Y/n smiled back at him, glad that she was finally able to brew such a difficult potion. Draco then cleaned up the cauldron and set it on the floor. He proceeded to return the books onto the table and once again flipped to a random page, quizzing her with questions.

Hours of studying later, Y/n finally felt as though she actually had a decent chance at this test. She was able to answer all of Draco’s questions correctly, not even faltering for a second. She could brew almost any potion he asked for and she could correctly name the ingredients and steps used.

"Name some ingredients used for Polyjuice Potion." Draco said.

"Lacewing flies, Leeches, Powdered Bicorn Horn, Knotgrass, Fluxweed, Shredded Boomslang Skin, and a bit of the person one wants to turn into." Y/n answered immediately.

Draco nodded in approval before asking her the final question. "What potion uses armadillo bile, scarab beetles and ginger root?"

"A wit-sharpening potion." Y/n answered. Draco closed the book with a smile directed at her.

"I think you’ll do just fine on this test."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morning of the 4th Day:

Y/n walked out of Potions with a large smile on her face. She spotted Draco out of the corner of her eye and rushed to him, tackling him in a tight hug. Out of her excitement, she pressed a kiss against his cheek. She didn’t notice the amount of people staring at her, all she could feel was extreme happiness. Once she had come back to her senses, she realized the situation and the awkward position that Draco and her were in. She slowly released Draco and removed her lips from his pale cheek, which had flushed a bright red color.

"What was that for?" Draco chuckled.

Y/n took out a paper from her bag, it was her test. On the front of it, Snape had written a giant ‘O’ for ‘Outstanding’. She had passed the test with flying colors!

"I just wanted to thank you for helping me. Without you, I probably would’ve gotten a ‘Troll’ or something." Y/n said nervously.

Draco smiled and leaned in close to her. He pressed a chaste kiss against her cheek and grinned when he noticed how red her face turned.

"Anything for you, princess."

**********************************************

Thanks for reading Part 3 of Love Potion. We're at 4 out of 8 parts, we're halfway there! I'm not too proud of the way I wrote this part but hopefully all of you enjoyed it anyway. Once again, sorry for the long wait! If you have any requests, feel free to ask! Until next time.

-Jade

[dew-line]

Life, death, and rebirth – developing and redeveloping a personality on a progressing timeline

So. I had a little fun today. The last task on the psychology course was to write an essay on personality development based(ish) on Mischels theories about personality development. The guidelines were a tad loose, and I choose to run with it. The text below is what I submitted, hopefully I’ll get som feedback on it tomorrow or in a few days and I’ll keep you posted on that. :D //Jimmy How does one begin to describe, in any relatable fashion, the development of one’s personality, especially as it is a work of perpetual process? One must, I assume, begin at the beginning: I was born. Then there was nothing until I developed a basic sense of self awareness and the ability to define myself in relation to other people and objects. In that very moment I created the world; but you may rest easy, for I am a humble god. Especially so since I stopped demanding the immediate satisfaction of my basic needs and allowed myself to be shaped into this present form by the mold created by my parents and by society; by boundaries drawn by cultural and linguistic traits Thus, like the Christian God I was made flesh and blood – now writing before you as this maculate conception, ever learning as I progressed over the years, constantly striving to fill out this rudimentary sketch of “me” drawn by my parents with ever more content and subject matter. I learnt of poetry and philosophy – the power of word and thought, and thus, in my late teens, I entered a new phase. Let it begin with these words from the gospel [abridged] of St. Charles the Inebriated.

  ”Born like this

Into this

Into these carefully mad wars

Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness

Into bars where people no longer speak to each other

Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings

Born into this

Into hospitals which are so expensive that it's cheaper to die

Into lawyers who charge so much it's cheaper to plead guilty

Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed

Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes

Born into this

Walking and living through this

Dying because of this

Muted because of this

Castrated

Debauched

Disinherited

Because of this

Fooled by this

Used by this

Pissed on by this

Made crazy and sick by this

Made violent

Made inhuman

By this

[…]”

Charles Bukowski – ”Dinosauria, We”.

Now, I may not have turned out quite as bitter and fatalistic as the aged Bukowski, but I do confess to a certain faiblesse for the absurd, in Camus’s use of the term, that existence is without meaning and purpose, and that beauty lies in –the absurd– meeting between this knowledge and continuing to striving too, despite this knowledge, fill life with love, beauty and personal meaning.

I was born into a classical working class home at 09:28, December 25th 1974, the first child of  a young mother and an alcoholic and controlling father; two parents that had the unusually common sense for their time to realise that they should not be together, and thus early becoming a child of separation – my parents were not married. I was doomed to the life of bi-weekend migrations between families – as this was long before the enlightened era where parents manage to handle child care in an adult fashion and share the weeks equally – a conduct that, in my case, created a feeling or rootlessness and a sense of drifting rather than establishing solid connections within either family – my mother and my father’s new families respectively. This rootlessness in turn created the foundation of a lifelong fear of abandonment and also of a shyness that manifested itself in an extroverted way – acting like the class clown, hiding emotions behind first erratic behavior and later, as I grew older and developed an arsenal of wit and amassed at least a modicum of knowledge – in early attempts at humor. I also developed the foundation of a contrarian mindset that is still present to this day. I despise the consensus – mainly because a consensus promotes a lack of progress and a lack of progress is the base definition of death. However, when I was a child the main reason for causing disruption, even if I was not aware of it at the time, was that it is easier to hide where there is disorder. Being judged by one’s behavior was far more preferable to being judged on who I actually was.

 It was at this age, around the age of seven or eight, that I came to the conclusion that religion was not the answer. Being introduced to a light version of Christianity in an after-school setting, being taught the core concepts of the New Testament, I promptly told the teacher that it was nonsense and, if I recall correctly, was not invited back for the second semester. Much to my mother’s dismay, I presume. By this time, we had left Uppsala and moved out into the countryside, a move that lead to an increased isolation on my behalf – this suited me perfectly as my main interests, especially as I started fourth grade, turned into literature and music. My mother had always read out loud for us when we were little, and I have always had a strong imagination – making the immersion into literature both smooth and welcome. Music also became an important present at this early age – literature and music has followed me ever since. The main part of the eighties was spent in my room reading and listening to music.

What beautiful time it was. 

Reading has had a huge impact on the forming of the person that I am today. All adults that I was surrounded by, in a formative sense – part from teachers – lacked any higher education and we did not really discuss much at, particularly not on my mother’s side, where I spent most of my time. My father, on the other hand – and this is based on long term memories, I cannot vouch for the validity of these memories as I have not spoken to the man in over 20 years – had a creative side – he tried to keep up to date, enjoyed certain intellectual activities. And whisky. And to listen to music. And whisky. And occasionally to beat his kids. Personally, I can’t remember to have ever being beaten by him, that seem to have developed later. My two brothers on my father’s side got to take the brunt of it as I can remember, however – he also had a knack for the words and was happy to share his opinions on how useless we were. That one has stuck with me. As I grew up and became older, and also stronger, this abuse increasingly became a greater and greater problem for me – culminating in me eventually starting to step between my father and my younger siblings when he got ”into the mood”. Eventually, however, I came to the point where I could not keep doing this and as I neared adulthood the relationship with my father and also my father’s side of the family slowly ebbed out. Initially, and for some years I felt that I had let my siblings to fend for themselves, but that feeling is long since passed. I have processed this, and I have moved on. It had to be done. 

I once asked my mother why they did not put any pressure on us when we were younger. Why they never pushed us to do better in school or had any opinions on what we choose to study in high school. The answer was that they wanted to let us choose for ourselves, that we should study what we wanted. The guidance counselor, I remember, told me to look find a job in a warehouse. Packing vegetables at the COOP.  The direct result of that was that I ended up studying for two years to become a bricklayer. I had no ambitions. I choose what I knew, since my stepfather and my father both worked in construction. I should not have been there. My only proper skills after being through the Swedish school system in the 80’s and early 90’s was a decent grasp of English. There were no jobs for me in construction, nor would I have been interested if there were any. If change was to come it was not through family, the school system or anything else. It was through me.

Looking back, however, it is interesting to see how much my life has been formed from the experiences of these formative years. I have no friends or acquaintances from before I started studying at university for the first time in 1998. Non whatsoever. I was social, I had friends – but I have never been sentimental – and I would rather let friendships run out from time or distance. No strong ties, no risk for emotional trauma. One might say that I started to reconstruct my life in my early twenties, I got into a new profession, I applied and got accepted into Grythyttan, Sweden’s premier hospitality industry education, a higher education under the management of the university of Örebro. This pretty much meant everything. Getting away from Uppsala and then – by the slight detour of three years in Grythyttan – to Stockholm meant everything. There is a reason why the Stockholm tends to draw people to it: the chance to rebuild yourself, to turn you into the person you want to be, to let yourself take center stage, if you will. Those were the formative years. They were great years. Working in the restaurant business in Stockholm in the early 2000’s was a smorgasbord of hedonism; food, wine, spirits, drugs. The sky was the limit. What a time to be young. And had not an underlying feeling that there must be more to life kept on nagging me I’d probably still be there today, standing on the brink of being a burned out wreck – but instead I got out, I diversified and got into wine import, into copywriting, photography – always searching; and I think that I am finally starting to get an idea.

I woke up one morning in December 2018, taking stock of my life. What I had done, where I had been, where I was and what I wanted to do. The same day I applied for a late admission course at Södertörn and started studying the very next month. I am very curious to see where I will end up. 

[ozzdog12]

2019- Top 7 (And 1)

  Another year has come to an end and thus the hotly anticipated Top 7 (And 1) from your ‘average at best’ Ozzdog12 is here for you to feast your eyes upon. 2019 was an extremely odd year for me, gaming wise. As parenthood has taken the full brunt of my time, my gaming time and the choices of what games I decided to play, have changed. I played several games this year that, under any previous year I may have stuck with longer or tried again, but as time for gaming has become more and more thin, I now have less ‘patience’ to stick with a BIG RPG (Disco Elysium, one day I’ll get to you). Now I’m going to contradict my previous sentence with this next sentence. I was unemployed for a stretch of 5 weeks and in between looking for jobs I also found myself with a decent amount of time to play some games. What I did with that time is played 2 games that ultimately made the list, for two very different reasons. I also cleared out a chunk of backlog games (Finally beating Diablo 3 for one, thank you Switch) and played several, shorter smaller games in the process. If interested in my previous Top 7 (And 1) 2017 & 2018.

And now on to the And 1 this year

Favorite game that came out in 2019 that actually came out 20+ years ago: Legend of Zelda: Links Awakening (Switch)

This one was actually a hard one to decide as Age of Empires 2: Definitive Edition also released this year. AOE2 is the one game I may have put the most time into ever, cumulatively. But I’m giving the nod to Link’s Awakening simply because its BRAND NEW to me. I did not play the original release and this has been an absolute joy to play and is by far, the best Zelda available on Switch. The updated graphics are gorgeous and the art style is great. I haven’t completed the game yet, but I’m slowly chipping away at it at night. It feels and plays like a Zelda game but updated properly to a modern console to make it feel like a brand new game released in 2019 and not just a reskin/up-resed re-release. The game is also structured in a way that appeals to me more than Breath of the Wild was (see 2017 And One for reference). The world feels big, but is contained in a clever way to make it FEEL bigger than it actually is.

Number  7: Rage 2 (PS4)

Rage 2 is a very weird game. I don’t mean it’s weird in the sense that nothing clicks or that its bad. In fact, it’s a joy to play (especially is you love iD shooters). It’s weird because outside of the gameplay mechanics, it’s fairly barren (intentional or not). And I mean that in terms of both story, things to do and the world itself. Having very little to do with the previous Rage (which I really enjoyed on the 360), Rage 2 starts off quick and with a bang. You choose which version of the character you want to be, learn the mechanics and then are eventually sent to a town. There are a total of 6 ‘story’ missions that are stretched out by requiring you to complete tasks for one of the 3 town leaders who you’ve enlisted for help to take down the General. Once you do this, you fight the General and that’s kind’ve it. Now along the way, you will kill a bunch of mutants and humans alike. There are 3 factions (4 if you count the Ghosts in the DLC) that are in an ever engaging gauntlet to the death and you get to play janitor by spilling more guts and blood, but none of it really matters, the Factions I mean. There are a few Crusher Mutants (BIG MUTANTS) to also fight, but they are essentially extra heavy bullet sponges. Now, I know I haven’t really sold you on it, but here’s the thing. I REALLY enjoyed RAGE 2. It was the perfect game to play during the summer. Due to a personal situation I was dealing with (the looming unemployment) it was nice to just sit down at night, turned my brain off and just kill things. It reminded me of a simpler time in my youth playing games like Doom. Same vibe honestly. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a story and narrative driven player, but Rage 2 scratched a nostalgia itch for me at the perfect time. 

Number 6: Concrete Genie (PS4)

Concrete Genie is a game that is honestly out of left field for me these days. Not that I don’t like these types of games, it’s just as previous stated, time is somewhat of a precious commodity and had Concrete Genie come out in any other year, I probably would’ve skipped it entirely. However, it didn’t and I’m glad I picked this up for $20. It also scratched a nostalgia itch and reminded me very much of the PS2 era of games like Sly Cooper and Jax and Daxter. You play a kid who is bullied (something I am familiar with first hand, sadly) for being a loner and an artist. His creature drawings come to life with the help of a magic paint brush and your objective to put color back into an abandon town and bring it back to life. There is a VR component I wasn’t able to play because I don’t have a PSVR. The game is fairly simply and doesn’t deviate far from that formula. There is very little combat and just enough variety in the monster’s you can make to keep you going. It’s also fairly short. I was able to complete and collect everything in around 7-8 hours. Having a complete game in a bite size package is something I long for these days. 

Number 5: The Outer Worlds (PS4)

This game should be higher on the list but I put it here simply because while I have played it a fair amount, I haven’t played it enough to warrant it being higher. I’m maybe halfway through? I love Bethesda Fallouts (And Obsidian’s New Vegas) and this is an improved New Vegas in space with a more cheeky approach. The Outer Worlds never takes itself too seriously and revels in its sarcasm. The companions are all mostly likeable enough and each planet has felt distinctive enough to entice me to keep exploring. The mechanics are improved and the overall gameplay is better than New Vegas.  Its structured just like a Fallout game, so there is a lot of comfort there. However,  just like any open world RPG, sitting down for less than an hour and trying to accomplish anything is hard. The Outer Worlds is best played in big chunks. It’s at the top of my list to finish in 2020. 

Number 4: A Plague Tale (PS4)

A Plague Tale was THAT game that was on everyone’s ‘Hidden Gems’ list. I had seen a trailer around E3 and it intrigued me enough to check it out. I completed it over a whole weekend, a rarity. The game isn’t perfect, but everything is serviceable enough to work within the confines of what it’s trying to accomplish. It has some technical flaws and the occasional hiccup, but I’m a sucker for 3rd person action adventure games. The game is mostly centered around stealth with combat as a mostly secondary option. The game takes place in France in 1348 during the rat plague. You play as the daughter of an alchemist and your brother has been sick since birth. Once your village has been raided by the Inquisition, you are cast out to find help. The plague has taken over the majority of the country, but it isn’t until later in the game where the game takes a turn into the fantasy in a major way. You meet up with some really likeable characters with different personality traits along the way that really kept the story moving in an interesting way. The story was really grim at times, but honestly kept me hooked until the final chapter. The boss battle was extremely frustrating. With a sequel being announced, I am extremely interested in where they take the next chapter. 

Number 3: Katana ZERO (Switch)

Katana ZERO rules. There is a fine line where a game is challenging and when a game is unfair. I like a challenge, but I don’t want to work (games like Dark Souls are work). KZ is very similar in style, gameplay, tone, and even music to Hotline Miami. The difference being KZ is a side scroller instead of top down. You play a samurai in a quasi-dystopian future after a war. You are programmed killing machine…or are you? The story is fairly heavy and can bring up some tough subjects. KZ is pretty challenging, especially later in the game, but never once did I feel the game was cheap or unfair. Every time I died (MANY, MANY TIMES) it was always my fault. Either I didn’t plan my attack correctly, I hit the wrong button, took the wrong path, or didn’t time it right. The game has a nifty way of dealing with ‘deaths’ in the game using a neat rewind feature. When you complete a level, it shows you a replay in ‘real time’ giving you a nice recap of your work. Every time I completed a level, I felt a sense of accomplishment. My Switch says I put around 5 hours or more into it once I completed the final level, but it honestly felt longer than that, in a good way. KZ is an absolute blast to play and you should go play it right now!

Number 2: Gears 5 (Xbox One)

I’m a fan of the Gears of War series. The first Gears of War still being my favorite of the series. As time has passed, I’ve become less interested in the series as a whole but still interested enough to play every entry. I thought Gears 4 was the Force Awakens of the series. Essentially a retelling of the same story, with a new coat of paint and new characters with the old ones sprinkled in. Gears 4 was ultimately, fine. So I was actually excited for Gears 5 was going to go and to see how they built upon 4 with a focus on Kait instead of a Fenix. Halfway through the story, the group is divided and it starts to take a different tone. Gears 5 experiments with a first of the series, a semi-open world. I thought it broke up the monotony of wall hug, shoot, reload, repeat. I finished the story in a few days and had a good time with it, though once again, the ending being kind’ve abrupt. The series has a knack for being sort’ve slow, then suddenly turning it to 11, then ending.  I wished the campaign was longer, but it’s still solid. Gears 5 introduced a new mode called Escape, where you and two other players plant a bomb and try to escape a level with limited ammo. There is weekly a revolving door of new levels, which is nice, but each level is just reusing assets. I suspect with time and each new Operation (Season) that will be expanded. Horde mode is back and the character classes are fun. New characters have been added and will continue to be added, but they are an absolute grind to unlock (But you can always pay for them!) The reason Gears 5 is this high is mostly due to the amount of time I spent playing multiplayer. As stated, I loved the original Gears of War and put an insane amount of time into the multiplayer. That was in 2007 and the older I’ve gotten, my desire to invest into multiplayer has waned, almost completely. Once again though, right time, right place. I spent almost the entire month of October, logging on every night, completing challenging and playing online. Something I haven’t done since I was a freshman in college. I had an absolute blast. While I don’t delve into online as feverishly as I did in October, I still occasionally dabble when I get the chance.

Number 1: Mortal Kombat 11 (PS4)

As if this was going to be anything else. I’m a Mortal Kombat mark, plain and simple. I’ve loved the series my entire life. I love the lore, I love how ridiculously violent it is, how goofy and bat shit insane the story has evolved. I love it all. But its not all gore and lore, Mortal Kombat is a supreme fighting game. It’s not a nuanced as the likes of Street Fighter, but its infinitely deeper than a game like Smash Bros. Mortal Kombat is in a good sweet spot for both casuals and hardcore fighting fans. MK11 has maybe the greatest in-depth tutorial that has ever been made in any fighting game. It not only teaches you how to play, it teaches you the terminology. The story picks up right after MKX, with Raiden upset with everyone and taking matters into his own hands by torturing Shinnok. Liu Kang and Kitana rule the Netherrealm. Raiden plans an attack where he is essentially the Trojan Horse. All goes according to plan, until Kronika, The Time Keeper, decides she doesn’t like this anymore and eventually brings back some old friends to help her change time (again) and finally eliminate Raiden from existence. In doing this, Kronika has made all those mirror matches from previous games cannon. The production level and story mode in Netherealm games are on another level compared to other fighting games and they continue that trend in MK11. They implement the gear system from Injustice 2 into MK11 and its fine. The Krypt is amazing and is full of secrets. The Living Towers have returned, this time in the form of the ever changing “Towers of Time”. The roster, which is what everyone really cares about isn’t the worst but isn’t the best. None of the new characters are all that fun (Cetrion, Geras, & Kollector) and the returning roster was missing some notable characters. The DLC thus far has been fairly underwhelming compared to MKX. It was nice to see Shang Tsung, Nightwolf, & Sindel return (all 3 should’ve been in the main roster) but Terminator is lame. MKX had the likes of Tremor, Tanya, & Predator. MK11 seems to break what was a fun tradition in DLC having new, MK characters (Skarlett and Tremor, respectively). While I do think there is another set coming after Spawn, if the leak is true, then it seems underwhelming. I played MK11 pretty religiously for almost 2 months and still play at least once or twice a week. I love MK!

[zodiacal-dust-and-curls]

Knitting

Warnings: Kissing and the briefest mention of ‘adult activities’.

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N 1: Thank you to @daughter-of-ophelia for the request! I hope this was worth the wait! I certainly enjoyed writing it. Also a huge thank you to my beta and PSM @mollymarymarie (ilysm 🖤) Without further ado, I give you Joe fluff.

It all started on Pinterest.

You needed something to do on your long flight to Anaheim, so you looked for easy projects on Pinterest. That was mistake #1.

You looked to your left and let out a sigh at the sight of auburn hair fluffed up from being pressed against the window of the plane.

Joe was always able to read or sleep or watch a movie. You envied him. But reading made you feel sick if you tried to focus for too long, movies were never long enough and strained your eyes, and sleep never came easy when you were surrounded by so many strangers.

Whoever said that you could knit a hat in two hours was LYING. You should have two cute hats by the time you landed, one for you and one for Joe. You’d planned a lovely deep green beanie for him (it just went too well with his pale complexion and auburn hair) and a sweet cream for yourself (it went with almost every outfit you packed, plus who doesn’t love neutral colors).

But your hands were being dumb, so dumb. Why was it so hard to hold these needles? And how tf did she cast on so many stitches so quickly? This video was not helping you at all. The article with descriptions and pictures wasn’t helping either. You snapped.

“Babe, wake up.”  

“mmm. Wha?”

“Take some of this from me. I’m about to throw it,”

“What? Why?” Joe’s brain was still catching up to his current situation. You were honestly amazed at how deeply he could be asleep in under thirty minutes, possibly even a little jealous.

“Take this,” you basically threw a skein of cream-colored yarn at him, “and hold it before I yeet it down the aisle.”

“Okay. But maybe I should take the needles instead?” He rested his hand over your wrist to keep the knitting needles in your lap. “You know, because they’re pointy and can damage someone.” He slid his hand down and took them from your grasp.

“I mean, I guess they could hurt someone if I threw them hard enough,” you rolled your eyes and looked out the window, “but they’re so light I doubt I could get any real distance.”

“Whatever you say, champ.” He moved the yarn and needles to the side farthest from you and began to rub soothing circles on your knee. “I just think that we shouldn’t maim anyone on the flight.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you grumbled. “Well, now that you’re awake, you can help me.”

“And I will, but maybe first we calm down a little?” He quickly lifted the arm rest between you and then opened his arms for you to snuggle into.

You were hesitant, but you did take him up on the offer. After just a few seconds of having your face pressed against his chest, you felt less like screaming and throwing things and more like giving the project a second chance. Even with the new found calm you had, you weren’t exactly ready to let go of Joe. The reassuring rhythm of his heartbeat and the comforting smell of him, of home, were too hard to give up when you were frustrated.

A few minutes later, Joe kissed the top of your head. “Mkay, are you ready to try again?”

You just nodded, with your face still pressed to his chest. Slowly, you sat yourself back up in your seat and held out your hands. “I’m ready and I promise I won’t throw anything.”

With pursed lips and a quirked eyebrow, Joe handed back both the yarn and needles. “Only if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure, but I still need your help with this one. I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong.” You slid down in your chair and let your knees rest firmly against the seat in front of you. “I don’t get how I can crochet no problem, but attempt this and suddenly it’s like I don’t know what yarn is.”

Joe just looked at you with his same pout. It was almost like he was trying to decide what would be worse: learning how to knit with you or listening to you rant for at least another hour. Eventually, he extended his hand, “Phone, please.”

You handed it over with the infuriating video still pulled up. Joe watched in an almost uncharacteristic silence for a few moments, his brow furrowed in concentration.

“Okay, you come here,” he lifted the arm closest to you, “and put your back to my chest. I’ve got an idea.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. How on Earth could he have an idea about helping you knit that required him to hold you?

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quit giving me that look and just get over here.” He motioned with his hands for you to make your move or continue pouting.

With a roll of your eyes, you caved and settled into his embrace.

“So, according to the video,” he reached towards your hand that held the yarn and one needle, “we have to cast on so many stitches and then we can actually do the stitch and all the dropping and what not.”

You just nodded and let him guide your hands while he talked you through the whole process. It was surprising how his hands moved with such grace through a process he’d never attempted before. The creamy yarn seemed to pass over, under, and through his, and your, hands quickly. The movements were mesmerizing to watch, and the warmth and assurance in his embrace only added to the fogging of your mind. Before you knew it, it was time to cast off and finish the first hat.

“It looks wonderful, baby. Will you try it on to show me?” Joe whispered into your ear, mindful of the other passengers that had nodded off during the long flight.

“Yeah, just give me a second to arrange it correctly.” You murmured back, finally being pulled from the warm and fuzzy feeling of watching the yarn move through your combined hands.

The hat had turned out wonderfully for a first attempt. It seemed to be very flexible and thick enough to keep the wind out of your ears. Thankfully, it was your hat and not Joe’s so you could improve your technique.

You slipped it onto your head, mindful of your hair, you didn’t want to mess up your part for the rest of the day, and began fixing its position. It seemed to take forever for it to feel right on your head, but when it finally did, you double checked it with your phone’s camera. You’d actually managed to get it to sit just right in the front with a decent slouch in the back.

Joe waited expectantly for you to face him again.

“There’s my girl.”

His eyes softened as he took you in, his  umber colored eyes taking on a slightly burnt, yet soft, color. He couldn’t help but smile at you. “You look quite cozy in that. Almost too cozy. I wanna try it.”

“Mkay. Hold, please.” You took the creation off of your head and carefully placed it on Joe, making sure to run your fingers through his hair before positioning it just right.

“You look absolutely dashing, babe. Let me take a pic.”

Joe struck a pose (one hand on his head, the other on his hip, sticking it out as best he could while sitting), and then another (pouting while sticking out his tongue and crossing his arms), and another (so many more, the man is a master at ridiculous poses) until the two of you were a giggling mess in your seats and you had at least 20 new pictures in your gallery of the two of you in various stages of wearing your hat.

Joe had fallen back asleep shortly after our photoshoot, still wearing your hat. He did look very cute in it, but it was just a touch too snug around his forehead. Something to keep in mind for the one your were about to begin working on.

You started the video again, just to refresh your mind over what the process should look like. There was a phantom feeling of arms around you and hands guiding yours as you lost yourself in the trancework of knitting yet again. Since, you only had one set of hands to watch this time, your mind decided to wander.

It made its way back to the first time Joe had watched you crochet.

You had been working on a new afghan to conveniently leave at his place, how he lived with it that cold you would never understand. Joe was busy watching the Yankees game. Which, although you loved baseball, you could never cheer for that particular team (you did, however, concede to not cheer against them unless they were playing your team). So, you decided to keep your hands busy and your eyes off the screen.

“What are you doing?” Joe looked over at you while supporting his chin with his hand.

“Making myself a blanket.”

“Why?” He furrowed his brows.

“Because you keep this place an ungodly temperature, Joseph. Aren’t you supposed to be watching the game?” The Yankees were playing your number two team, so you technically couldn’t cheer against them, but you were still pissed they were winning.

“Yeah, but it’ll be an easy win.” He teased, wanting you to take the bait. “This looks far more interesting.”

“You’re not wrong.” Anything is better than this damned game right now, you thought.

To be honest, you had found several skeins of yarn in the perfect shade of gray to hide well enough in his living room. He always kept his apartment too cold for you and your were finally taking action to solve that problem. You were kind of hoping the game would keep his attention long enough for you to finish it up.

He ended up watching you more often than the game, mesmerized by how your hands could manipulate the material, and missed the walk-off double that cost the Yankees the game. By 6pm that evening, you had not only finished the blanket, but gotten Joe so worked up over the loss that you managed to hide it without him catching you.

That particular blanket had since been moved to the arm of his couch to use at your discretion, and for post-season cuddles and some other not so cuddly uses.

You had just cast off the last stitch of Joe’s hat when the captain announced your final approach to the airport.

Joe didn’t stir until you had safely tucked both beanies back into your carry-on, and the touch-down of the plane literally jerked him awake.

“Did you have a good nap, babe?”

“The best.” He let out a yawn. “ I dreamed I was still holding you and watching us create more things together.”

“Awe, Joseph, you sap.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek, feeling the hours-old stubble seemingly exfoliate your lips. “But we should prepare to get out of here, I’m ready for a nap now.”

“Whatever you say, baby.”

Getting off the plane and collecting your luggage was, thankfully, uneventful. Allowing you time to admire Joe while he guided the two of you through the airport. He’d chosen a very understated outfit for travelling, much like yourself. The black jacket, gray sweater, and dark jeans would look fantastic with the green of his hat. You couldn’t have planned this any better if you’d actually tried. 

Although you’d been travelling to Anaheim, a usually sunny locale, the weather had decided to take a turn for the frigid and windy as of late. As you walked towards the passenger pick up area, you turned to Joe and pulled him off to the side.

“You better put your hat on, babe. I don’t want the wind to mess with your ears while we’re here.”

“Baby, you’re wearing the only hat we have.” He looked puzzled, brows furrowing and lips pursing as he took in the sight of you in seemingly the only hat between the two of you.

“No I’m not.” You presented him with his own patch of knitted green. “This is for you. I hope the color is okay.”

He grabbed the swath of green from you and felt the material in his own hands.

“It’s perfect.” He leaned in to wrap you into a quick hug and gave you a chaste kiss. “Put it on for me?”

You nodded to let him know that you gladly would and stepped back to admire your handiwork. You had done an excellent job of choosing this color for Joe. He was a little pale from all the cloudy weather you’d been faced with for the last few months, so the jewel tone of the hat. coupled with his hair and stubble, was doing an excellent job of making his eyes stand out. You even noticed that the usually deep brown had flecks of green being pulled to the surface courtesy of your creation.

“I think this deserves at least one selfie, don’t you?” You’d almost missed the mischievous glint in his eyes from being lost in the depth of them.

“Are you sure Ben won’t be jealous?” Ben seemed to feel anytime you did something too cute with Joe. It was like he had a sixth sense about this, which was hilarious in all honesty. You were glad to see Joe so happy while interacting with any of his co-stars.

“Nah, he’s got Gwilym in London at the moment. I think he’s suitably distracted.” With that he pulled you into his embrace and snapped a pic while you were still laughing.

@/joe_mazzello: get you a girl that looks at you the way y/n looks at (the hat she made) me #shesthetalent #andthebeauty #lookatthatsmile

A/N 2: Just pretend the pic is not in the woods, okay? Thanks. I hope you enjoyed it! (If you’re curious, the teams I was thinking about as my #1 and #2 teams are the Astros and the Rangers, respectively.)

[emmbr]

Tips for being friendly in Drive throughs!

I work at S*bucks and love working in the drive-through! I wanted to put information out there for people who do not know what it is like on the other end of the drive-through! 

1. While you are at the speaker box we can hear you whether we are talking with you or not. Please do not make us listen to your music, phone conversation, or anything like that while you wait before or after your order! Sometimes people sit there and blast music and we can’t hear each other or it is just really annoying. Turn off or turn down whatever you may be listening to in the car while you order. 

2. I say “We” because almost all of the employees inside can hear you when you are at the window! I know it is a little unnerving to know that several people can hear you stumble over your order, but it is what makes everything go a little smoother. If you are rude to the person taking your order, know that several other people are mocking you over the headset before you come to the window. Obvious unspoken rule: don’t be rude y’all.  

3. Be patient when you have to repeat your order! The drive-through position requires a TON of multitasking and sometimes your order will not be heard the first time you say it. We are doing our best and we want to get your order correct! Please don’t get frustrated with us, we want to do well and we don’t want to have to remake your drink! 

4. While drive is one of my favorite positions because I love interacting with strangers, this is not always true of my coworkers! It is a lot of multitasking and people skills in a timed and fast-paced environment so just be kind even if it takes a little while. Trust me, we can see the amount of time that you have been waiting. 

5. Please do not get a ton of gift cards at the window. The gift cards are not kept over there and it is hard to show you the whole selection. Of course, getting one through the drive-through is doable, but if you are putting a ton of work on the register at the window you are going to ruin our times. Just come inside. Of course, this does not apply if you use the drive-through for disability access reasons. 

6. There are sensors at the microphone, and while you cannot hear it they repeatedly beep at us if we have not helped someone there yet. Plus, the microphone is automatically on when a car is tripping the sensor so we hear the drone of outside sound. Do not greet us before we greet you unless you have been waiting there for over a minute. Especially when the store is not busy, the person working drive-through is probably talking to a customer at the window. 

7. Yes, there is a camera so that we can see you while you order! It breaks with bad weather so it doesn’t always work, but I know some people lately have been surprised and unnerved by learning about the camera. What do you expect; you are always on camera nowadays. Fun fact: if we wanted to we could show you our face while we take your order from a camera on the monitor, but I have never met someone who actually wants to do that. 

8. Time intensive tasks include: pour-overs, >3 hot food items (depending on which ones and if you get duplicates), >1 frappuccino. Of course, a significant delay when you get these items will depend on how well staffed and how busy we are. I honestly think that S*bucks should ban pour-overs from being ordered through the drive-through. Just come inside (except for access reasons). 

9. Get a Starbucks membership on the app! When you run out we can always reload at the register for >$5, so you don’t have to keep a bunch of money on your card. You get rewards if you pay through the app, and a free drink on your birthday! It allows you to tip (unlike using your card). AND surveys about our performance are only sent out to members, so please influence those! 

10. If you want to be nice, tip well instead of “paying it forward!” I feel a little weird saying “give us money instead of other customers,” but I know for a fact that my coworkers need money more than our average customer coming to Starbucks. Pay it forward is a little annoying to ring up (but totally doable), but so many people do that instead of tipping- which reminds me that our customers are empathizing more with other customers they haven’t met than the worker that they are looking in the face who is more likely to be struggling financially. I know it ruins the “random” and “stranger” charm of pay it forward, but, honestly, if I were ever at the end of one of those pay it forward lines I would just end it and put what I would have paid in the tip jar. 

11. Standard in interacting with customer service: don’t order/ pick up your order while on the phone. I don’t care if you have one earbud in as long as you can hear me. I do care if I have to decipher whether you are talking to me or not. I do care that I am doing a service for you and trying to make a welcoming environment and you won’t treat me like someone you are interacting with. If you don’t want to talk with someone, just mobile order and come inside. 

12. We love to make sure that your drink is made correctly! It is usually no big deal to remake drinks, especially if we are not busy. Make sure you are paying attention to the screen where your order is when you are at the mic, and pay attention to what the barista reads back to you about your order (so the order is correct in the first place and you don’t have to wait!). Check your order before you drive away- it is super easy to give someone the wrong drink. If you are really picky go ahead and taste your drink before you drive away! However, don’t take advantage of us. No matter if it is our money or Sbucks’, no one enjoys being scammed. 

13. Maybe I just don’t understand this because I am not very picky, but I will never understand how much some people care about their lattes not having foam on them. It does not give you much more milk? And just makes the latte-making process longer (and harder for beginners)? You do you and ask for “no foam”, but don’t complain if it is made with a little bit of foam. Some foam even forms after scooping foam off after pouring. It really isn’t that much less milk.  

14. I should have put this at the top of the list: do not make a big stink about us running out of something. Sometimes our nitro tap breaks. We only have a certain number of sandwiches thawed each day. Sometimes someone makes a mistake with an order or sometimes there are district-wide shortages. I don’t want to listen to you be loudly disappointed at me when we don’t have the exact thing that you want. This is beyond our control, and you are probably an adult so be an adult about it. We will try to get you a comparable product and there is not much more we can do about that. 

15. This is just a personal small peeve: don’t start an order with “I need...” There is nothing in our store that you need. This is about having perspective and recognizing our role in your lives. 

Even though this post was pretty much complaining about customers, I do want to make sure that the reader knows that I genuinely do enjoy connecting with customers. I do assume the best, and unless you are actively rude it is not a big deal if you have done these things before! I get energy from every single positive interaction I have in the store. I love getting to know customers so well that I know their face, name, and order (which takes a decent amount of time and care for me to remember!). I genuinely am interested when I ask where you work if I have a moment with you, or when I ask how your day is, or when we talk about the sunrise or the weather. These interactions keep me satisfied with my job! I am moving soon and I am genuinely sad to not see many of my regulars again and genuinely excited to meet many more customers. 

[no-other-words]

let’s take this offline - ch2

synergy is the key to success [read on ao3] kageyama needs to burn that sweater-vest and hinata needs to not get turned on by kageyama’s voice.

---

“Hi, I’m Hinata!”

It feels like he’s repeated this at least ten times now, but the conversation that comes after is never the same. Hinata has met pretty much all the people joining their team and he’s already liking this new bunch.

A meet-and-greet was called forth by Daichi where Kuroo’s team can meet the rest of the Marketing Division, a chance for new faces to introduce themselves and get to know one another. He adds in his memo that breakfast will be included and where there is free food, there is Hinata.

Seeing so many unfamiliar faces causes slight unease in Hinata so after loading up two full plates of fruits and muffins, he sets off to make some new acquaintances.

Oikawa seems like a total douche but the passionate way he talks about his line of work is admirable and Hinata goes starry-eyed. Akaashi is the complete opposite with his calm and collected demeanour and Hinata thinks that Kenma would get along with him. Aone is a tough one to crack but once Hinata mentions animal documentaries, an instant connection is built and he knows it will be a lasting one.

Then there’s the guy sulking in the corner of the room, staring relentlessly at Hinata. Eyes narrowed, brows scrunched, and lips pulled into small pout, he has not moved since Hinata got here. Everything about him is intense—the way he eats his fruits, the way he holds his coffee cup, the way he drinks from his cup.

The only thing that makes him slightly more approachable is the puke-green sweater vest he’s unfortunately wearing. Brave is the man who steps out into society in that.

He’s been avoiding to introduce himself but one can only be so rude for so long. Hinata musters up the courage, summons his biggest smile, and marches right up to the man.

“Good morning! I see you’re enjoying that coffee a lot.” He starts off. “I’m Hi—”

“I know. Your picture doesn’t do you justice.”

Now it’s his turn to stare. The next few seconds was a wild train ride as Hinata witnesses a rainbow of emotions running across the man’s face—shock, dismay, humiliation, and a final colour of cooled restraint. Or at least, as restrained as he can be with that growing flush of his.

Hinata hears the impact of an arrow shooting through his heart.

Then the guy blurts out, “I mean, you’re even harder to look at in person.”

That figurative arrow is then unforgivingly ripped out.

“What did you say?” Hinata growls.

“You just…” He appears to be struggling to find words. “You have that same stupid look—”

“Just give me your name so I know not to work with you in the future.”

“Too late, you already are.” The man takes his hand out for a handshake. “Kageyama Tobio.”

Hinata hisses in responses, slapping his hand away. “I knew there was something sinister about you.”

“Sinister? What the fuck do you mean?!”

Taking a step forward, Hinata says, “You were giving me angry looks the whole time I was here!”

“That’s because all I could see is that dumb picture you have on your Skype profile,” Kageyama says, putting his foot forward. “Take a better one by the way, it hurts my eyes and I don’t appreciate it.”

“Well I don’t appreciate your attitude.”

“You already said that, genius. Try to be original for once.”

Before Hinata can reply, both of them gets a hard pat on the back and they turn to see Kuroo, standing uncomfortably close and wearing an uncomfortably wide smile.

“Well well, we sure are getting acquainted here,” says Kuroo. “It’s always nice to see our staff get along. Makes for good team morale, don’t you think?”

The silent challenge in his eyes makes both Hinata and Kageyama nod. His towering figure looming over Hinata makes it all the more intimidating.

“And Daichi will be especially happy to see us working and flourishing together as one big family, wouldn’t you agree?”

The two men couldn’t nod faster.

“Good.” Kuroo pats their back again. “Play nice.”

Waiting until the manager walks out of hearing range, Kageyama gives Hinata a pointed look. “Listen up moron, I'm not going to throw my reputation down the drain in front of my boss and Daichi just because some dimwit doesn't know how to do his job correctly."

Hinata grits his teeth. The two-faced, no-good, jer—

“Grab your laptop and come to my desk. I’ll take a look at your dumb report.”

A truce.

Okay, he takes it all back. Maybe this guy’s not all that bad.

Wait.

"Why don’t you come to my desk?" Hinata asks.

Kageyama gives him an incredulous look. "Because we're already on my floor so why the hell do I need to go to the 23rd? This is your problem anyway."

"Caused by your data!"

"Just…" Kageyama takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He rubs the bridge of his nose before brushing back his bangs, revealing a weirdly alluring forehead. "Just, come. Okay? Let me see what I can do."

Maybe it’s the way Kageyama finally pulls back. Not giving in, but receding for now to let things cool before both their hotheads steam up again. Maybe it’s also how he decides to lower his voice, as an attempt for cease-fire. It sounds smoother, low and solid, and eases Hinata’s defenses down.

Realizing that he still hasn’t replied, Hinata clears his throat. "Fine, give me fifteen minutes."

Kageyama raises his eyebrows. "It takes you that long to get up there?”

His personality is as horrid as that sweater-vest of his.

---

In all honesty, if it wasn't for his serious lack of charm, Hinata would've thought Kageyama as a slightly-above-average looking guy. He's decently-built, no doubt smart, and has a pretty face to boot (when it's not scrunched in negativity). Brown eyes are so common here so it's refreshing to see a person with blue ones.

Hinata first discovers them when they sit together to look at his broken report. Kageyama’s focusing on the screen in front of him, concentration level up 110%. He’s seated tightly against his desk, hands on mouse and keyboard moving ever so swiftly to navigate around the computer. Like a machine, he processes the report methodically and Hinata…well Hinata’s eyes explore the office setting.

And then at Kageyama. He’s currently addressing him about something, but Hinata doesn’t really listen because he realises that Kageyama’s eyes are not black but in fact a dark shade of blue. It’s hard to tell, what with the man glaring at you half the time.

“Are you even listening?”

“Your eyes are blue.”

This puts a stop to Kageyama’s scowling. He straightens up and looks back to the screen, muttering, “What of it?”

Hinata shakes his head in defence. “No I mean, I just think that’s cool. They’re so dark and…” He leans in closer to get a better look. The colour is so deep that Hinata’s mistaken them for black, to his shame, and Hinata finds Kageyama’s eyes are so intense that—

“It’s nice,” he says.

Kageyama visibly swallows. “Nice.”

Hinata nods with a smile. “They’re a nice colour.”

They find out what went wrong with the report that day. It’s neither Kageyama’s data nor Hinata’s report that is that the cause but some data-transfer issue that becomes too technical for them to solve. Surprisingly, Kageyama offers to help Hinata find the right contact and email them.

And that’s how Kageyama stumbles across the 400+ unread emails buried in Hinata’s inbox. He calls it a wrongdoing, uncivilized, an absolute abomination, and Hinata should be ashamed of himself for letting the situation get this far. Hinata in turn has no idea what’s so wrong about it until he seems Kageyama’s pristine clean mailbox.

That day is when Hinata learns of how diligent Kageyama is. How he makes sure to meticulously file his emails into folders structured in a hierarchal fashion, how he has 0 draft emails while Hinata has more than 10 because he isn’t all that great at finishing emails and he often forgets.

Kageyama’s desktop is a mirror of his inbox—clear and simple with only three icons to select on. His folders are neatly organized and easy to navigate around. His sticky notes line perfectly against each other, same width same height, and not a pixel disproportionate.

It’s all kind of endearing, really.

That and the fact Kageyama goes nuts over Hinata’s own desktop, filled with documents and software—some misnamed, some just having the default Untitled, and some with the asdf name. That one particular text file with the name asdfdsasdfasdafdasd is certainly one that drives Kageyama insane. He calls it a calamity waiting to happen.

Hinata likes to call it organized chaos.

Kageyama refuses to let it go, even a few days later, when Hinata emails him again with some work-related questions, and he lords over Hinata’s improper use of the signature block. Until this point of time, Hinata wasn’t even aware that it was actually a thing—isn’t your name enough to let someone know who sent the message?

Kageyama, Tobio [11:39 AM] It’s to show which team you’re in and your credibility.

Hinata, Shouyou [11:40 AM] ok fine team i get the credibility part i don’t what i work on reflects that

Kageyama, Tobio [11:43 AM] It’s also just corporate etiquette. It’s good to let people know who they’re speaking to.

Hinata, Shouyou [11:44 AM] ha u know im way past corp etiquette and they can find out who i am when they talk to me why give them something to put a box around me?

Kageyama doesn’t reply after that. Nevertheless Hinata takes what is advised and constructs an email signature. He might as well be half-civilized in the corporate world. Kageyama better be happy.

Their interactions are sporadic. Even though Kuroo’s team is now an extension of Daichi’s crew, it’s decided that it’s best not relocate everyone. At first, Hinata reaches out when he needs help, for purely work-things. Eventually, he gets used to the idea of bothering the snappy man because no matter how annoying he knows he’s being, Kageyama always answers.

Kenma is a victim of Hinata’s scattered attention. He tolerates Hinata with the Skype chats and over-the-desk conversations and by tolerate, it means half-listening and sometimes entertaining a response if he feels like it. The other guys on the team is more willing to join in, Nishinoya throwing in words of wisdom while Tanaka writes a book about it.

But Kageyama—Kageyama listens. He yells and questions and replies in way that makes Hinata want to talk with him more. His perfect grammar and formal wordings is as infuriating as it is charming. Never is a chat-window more of a juxtaposition than seen before. Kageyama is a big nerd and he can’t deny it.

Especially with that atrocious sweater-vest.

Hinata tells him what he needs to hear.

Kageyama, Tobio [3:11 PM] What’s wrong with it? Does it have a hole in the back?

Hinata, Shouyou [3:12 PM] r u joking it’s something my great granddad would’ve worn doesn’t go well with your skin

Kageyama, Tobio [3:14 PM] i don’t say anything about your bowtie

Hinata, Shouyou [3:15 PM] whats wrong with my bowtie?!?!!

Kageyama, Tobio [3:23 PM] It’s distracting.

He doesn’t elaborate afterwards. In fact, Kageyama goes offline for the next hour. Worried, Hinata goes to the restroom to check on his bowtie. Is it crooked? Tied unevenly? Does it clash with his shirt? He’s had the idea of developing a statement about his person in the office and his statement is his bowties.

He plans to ask just what about them offends Kageyama on a call they’d setup to talk over some project. Shimizu informs Hinata of an upcoming proposal that Daichi wants to explore next year. Apparently this project will heavily involve Kuroo’s team, Kageyama’s area of expertise in particular. They might as well start that conversation early so Hinata books a meeting call.

When he hears the beep of someone joining the line, Hinata opens his mouth to greet the person until he’s stopped short.

“Hello, it’s Kageyama.”

Oh.

Oh no.

A warm shiver runs down his back before rising up to the top of his head. Smooth, sultry, and rich is all he hears. It’s like creamy milk chocolate running smoothly down your throat, warming the rest of your body. It’s the afternoon sun on a calm autumn day, the quiet hum of a fire, the lullaby sung gently into your ears.

The sound of Kageyama’s husky voice is a surprise and it does things to Hinata’s heart.

“Hello?”

“Oh, hi yes!” He hopes Kageyama cannot hear the breathlessness in his voice.

Hinata grips the phone hard during the entire call. He attentively listens to Kageyama’s lull, finding a rhythm to his voice. He sounds so different over the phone—calmer, at ease. Definitely doesn’t have that same bite when he’s in your face all the time. There’s a solidity to his tone, confident and so sure of himself in the best way. It mirrors the way he writes.

He likes that solidity.

Kageyama starts sharing his screen with Hinata, something about wanting to share a PowerPoint deck. Kageyama can share any sort of deck with h—

Hinata stops. He stops right there before it goes any farther.

He clears his throat long and hard, puffing out a harsh breath as if to expel all wicked thoughts. Kageyama is a decent-looking guy, but just that. Just your regular, average-built man with a less-than-average fashion sense.

“Something wrong?”

“Nothing,” squeaks Hinata.

“Can you send me the file again? I want to have a comparison.”

Look at him, sweating over some man’s voice while said man is working hard and serious on the other side of the phone. Hinata needs to pull it together.

He sends the file over Skype, watching as his profile picture pop up on Kageyama’s desktop and grimacing.

“I really need to change my photo,” he says.

Kageyama clicks his tongue over the phone, casually adding, “I think you’re fine.”

Hinata’s heart skips a beat.

Oh no.

---

a/n: if you think those last 2 lines said over the phone was made up, think again. :)