#and it seems i only post stuff when its late and im tired

[alildritten]

Me: Alright, time to sleep!

My brain: Ah yes, character creation time. So, you know that one father-figure-like character to a main character for a story we’re working on?

Me: Uh. Yeah? What about him…?

My brain: So, he’s a shark pirate.

Me: That fits surprisingly well. I’m going with that-

My brain: Also he adopted the main character that he’s a father figure to.

Me: Huh. Alright, yeah why not.

My brain: And that main character is a bird-

Me: What are you ge- OH MY GOSH. THE PIRATE HAS ADOPTED A BIRD

[ankiebitez]

Comfort

tags: amon x gn! reader (as far as i know), hurt/comfort kinda, implications of the mcs parents death, implications of amons parents death

note: not beta read, drabble i wrote last night bc i could sleep, probably ooc but oh well. mc is kind of just based on my own feelings so. wrote this bc amons my babygirl, posting bc there should be more for him

you were currently staying in the avisos palace for the next few days, courtesy to bael hoping to lure beelzebub back once again. despite being used as bait, bael was at least kind enough to give you your own room to stay in, though now it wasnt exactly being used.

you dont know what exactly it was, but you couldn't get your brain to shut off so you could rest. your brain was just too full of thoughts that you usually tried to suppress, but as much as you wish they'd dissappear they never seem to. instead deciding to haunt you late at night when there's nothing you can do to push them away.

after getting tired of your restlessness you decided to take a walk through the empty halls of the palace, hoping this would do to clear your mind so you could rest.

unfortunately your thoughts only seemed to echo in time with your footsteps, bouncing off the walls of your brain until it was too much to hold together anymore.

quietly you sat down by one of the windows, cracking it slightly to let the cool air hit your face that felt like it was burning up.

truly you didnt know why you were crying now of all times, you were in hell where tons of devils loved you, but you couldn't help but still feel lonely.

a hard painful lump was in your throat while you tried your best to keep quiet with your sobs and sniffles, not wanting to wake anyone. you wouldn't know how to explain why you're crying, there wasnt really a true reason, sometimes you just need it.

despite your attempts to keep quiet, the sound of foot steps came through the hall to the room you were in.

you quickly tried to wipe your face to hide any traces but there wasnt really a need as a blonde haired demon carefully entered the room.

"oh, its you... you're crying" amon thought aloud almost curiously. he had been on night patrol through the palace, making sure no one had snuck inside or if beelzebub had returned yet.

amon came closer to you by the window, a look of concern on his face. "is something wrong? are you hurt?" he asked, looking over you for any signs of physical harm.

you shook your head a bit embarrassed, though there was no hint of judgment in his eyes. "no im okay i was just having a hard time sleeping and all i guess... i dont even know why im crying its just... stuff from when i was younger and i just..." you trailed off, the painful lump in your throat and watery eyes returning.

you didn't need to finish your sentence though, amon had been told about your past already and he can understand without words how pain from years ago can still hurt just as deeply, how you can feel just as lonely.

"oh... I can keep you company if youd like" amon offered, sitting beside you and offering to hold you.

with a hesitant nod, you let amon pull you close to his chest, placing you on his lap and holding you tightly in his arms, feeling the tears continue to well up in your tired eyes despite the feeling of comfort he gave.

amon didnt let go or push you away, only holding you tighter and letting you cry into his chest as you needed.

he silently understood the way you felt, understanding the need to release pressure on these old feelings sometimes, and even though he cant make the lonely feeling dissappear, he promises to keep you company through them.

[cielles-random-vault]

something inspired by hummingbird by metro and heartbeat by childhish gambino :D

synopsis: you and hobie are long time friends. everything goes well until that party where everything changed.

content: everyday au, reader and hobie are teens (15-17) implied relationships (not (yet) together) not proofread, really a drabble. also millie is hobies gf and jordan is readers partner. brief use of "y/n" and r/n stands for reader's name. also there is a whole lot of dialogue because 🧍🏻‍♀️ im v tired atm but i need to post anyway. also big ass drunk confession and brief description of drunkness.

author's note: today i got to see atsv in the original version with an online friend i met for the first time and. ive been blessed. the soundtrack really gives off eargasm fr

authors note 2: please please PLEASE reblog this if you liked it helps a lot with reach please and thank you :>

word count: 737 🕺🏻

"say, sunshine, yo coming to the party kevin's throwing tonight?" asked your best friend.

"i don't know" you reply, playing with your best friend's hair. "are you?"

"i'll probably go with millie. but why aren't you coming?" he said with a pout

"yknow im not that much of a social person. plus there's no point coming if no one i know will be there." you say, daydreaming.

"pleaaseee" he starts to beg. "millie will be there! you like her don't you?"

"are you? no no don't do those eyes at me" you say as you notice he was doing his begging eyes, the thing he always did whenever he wanted you to do something. "fine i'll go but only if you come too."

"thanks you so much sunshine!" hobie exclaims, starting to pack his stuff. he kisses your cheek before adding " make sure to invite your asshole of a boyfriend too!"

"stop calling me sunshine we are not in a relation-"

but he already left.

fast forward to the middle of the party, like 2/3 hours into

you were not that much of a lightweight, but tonight it seemed like you drank way too much. starting to feel overstimulated, you gave up on looking for your best friend and decided to go upstairs.

you opened a bunch of doors of rooms that were full of teens making out.

you accidentally stepped on a couple kissing in the stairs.

you did not like what you saw.

"jordan?" you say in disbelief. "what the fuck."

"babe i can explain its not what you think it is i- (he hastily drew off the girl he was kissing and followed you into an empty room so that you could talk without being disrupted by the loud music downstairs.

"explain yourself." you say, feeling dizzy because of all the alcohol you drank. "you know what? you don't have to explain everything. it's over. oh and go fuck yourself."

"r/n i-"

you didn't let him finish, leaving him with his brand new girlfriend.

you headed outside with another cup of alcohol in your hand, the fresh breeze greeting your face as tears started to run down your cheeks.

"i think that's enough alcohol for you, m'love." said hobie taking your drink away from you and putting his jacket over your shoulders. "what're you doing this late outside?"

"kiss me." you say, not paying attention to what your best friend was saying.

"what? no what about your boyf-"

"i don't have any anymore. motherfucker's cheated on me. cant really take a hint right? ive been in love with you the whole time. it's silly isn't it?"

hobie suddenly rose up to his feet and said:

"let's head out, you're clearly drunk."

he took you on his shoulders despite you showing your disagreement- though it did not last long.

he then brung you to his house and put you on his couch for you to fall asleep on.

making sure you were asleep, he played some soft music for him to clean a bit his house.

"i wish you were sober when you said you wanted to kiss me" hobie sighed as the first notes of hummingbird started filling the room.

the next day, you got woken up by the sweet smell of a cup of tea and an awful headache. not recognizing where you were, you instantly looked for your best friend.

"relax, sunshine, i'm right there", hobie said, putting your hair out of your face. "how're y'a feeling?"

"meh, i feel like a truck has run over my head. i wish all that alcohol made me forget jordan cheated on me.. speaking of which did you enjoy the party?"

"i've known better. but you're safe here, that's all that matters to me" he says, with a soft smile. "say, i have a question. were you sincere when you said you were in love with me yesterday?"

"eh." you say, wishing you confessed in a better way. "y'know the saying; drunk words are sober thoughts. but yes, i was sincere. i wish i did tell you in a better way though.

he smiled without saying anything.

"for how long have you been in love with me?" he asks with a smile

"wayy too many time."

"so, am i allowed to kiss you now that you confessed properly?"

"what? does that mean that-"

"take the hint, idiot" he says before soflty kissing you.

it's 2am now please let me sleep 😟

no but i actually enjoyed writing this sm i hope you liked reading it :D ik i alr said it in the beginning but please reblog!! it helps a lot small accounts like mine

[fictionfixations]

edit: if anyone saw a post where i was being all depressed because i lost the post i was working on. turns out tumblr did post it but my sleep deprived brain didnt think to check my posts !??! thats my bad

i make poor decisions when its late and i really shouldnt be playing gacha games because i get more impulsive then i usually am but also outside of 'i really want halloween riddle' i and someone else were praying for each others pulls (we both wanted riddle) and were gonna stay up until it did the daily reset to immediately start pulling so here i am (if you've seen my other posts you should know that it was also like this in HSR that I pulled Jade even though I didn't have an erudition built and didnt really want her but tired me thought ..what if i pulled and then i got her and then i didnt have pulls for jiaoqiu)

Result is, Halloween Rook (30 pulls) Halloween Riddle (60 pulls) and then since I was already there I decided to pull until 100 where I got Halloween Silver (100 pulls) its a good haul👍 but also rip all my pull savings. but also now i have all the cards i ever wanted (riddle as a fav and silver cause when i first started and looked at everyones card art his halloween one was really pretty) so like. this is good with me 🤷

anyway the only card remaining on my like. wish list(???) i guess is like. next main story card. erRr JP SpoiLeRS but Sebek Armor of Eternal Night or something like that. cause General Lilia duos with Sebek. but honestly not that big a deal sometimes i find dorm uniform sebek's as peoples support card

but thats less a want want and more i want him to make my cards strong instead of i just want to pull them i probably wont use them but like i want them (i probably will use them in the future but i need to build my main team first 💀)

in any case i do like sebek but also idk man

like. i set a bunch of goals of stuff i really wanted to do as a twst player when first starting which was really a bunch of ideals (like it didnt really seem possible and i figured id have to settle for less?) but like

i wanted halloween riddle and silver general lilia tropical wear riddle i got all of them

also i wanted to get every riddle card cause ppl were doing it for the favorites and i really liked riddle. so i got his birthday bloom. i do NOT have his other birthday cards because ooh boy i do not have the funds for that im perfectly content with my birthday bloom, one ssr at a time please. but so im content with that, still marking it was ok since tbh i dont really expect to get them all since i usually play f2p and also even i got all of them wtf do i do with them ???? but so check anyways for birthday bloom. but also besides that i literally got him in the first ten pull TWICE so like. i feel like that should count ?? cause that was stupid crazy luck 😭

and i wanted two dorm uniform cards who duo'd off of each other so i could have like two of them in one turn and it does the satisfying double duo thing when it switches between them attacking

which i can do. because i got dorm riddle when i first started, and i got dorm azul a bit ago who im working on getting the books for. so i can do that too.

and then i also wanted to be the kind of player who had a bunch of strong cards built that i could switch between a bunch of them for battles. which i do i just need to build them.

so its like.

??? idk what to do now

i yapped a lot more than i thought i would

um.

[libbworl]

THIS IS NOT ME TRYING TO BE MEAN IM JUST TRYING TO HELP IN THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW

so maybe you should try to be a bit nicer? I don’t really know. Just try yo understand what you did wrong. Im not trying to say your being mean or rude, just try to have a softer, more acceptable tone, maybe? And apologize. Trust me, its a lot easier online. Unless u already apologized, I don’t know if you did. I know this is hard, and stressful, and you changed and all that, and you want it to be over, but there is a lot of loose ends to tie up before it can be over. There are a lot of over-thinkers on this website, and no offence intended and i know you changed but what you did seems wrong to a lot of people. Again, im not trying to be mean but I wanted to help and this is a lot of pressure for someone your age I would know and this is the only way I know how to help. Sorry if i seem mean to you just point it out it would help me alot if I know im being mean. Thanks for reading this and i hope it helps you. Thanks for trying so hard to fix this aswell.

I have already apologized. Yesterday I wasn't trying to be mean, and I am sorry if it did seem mean or a little off, if it helps, I was pretty tired and grumpy when I said that. I've been through some stressful things lately, like I don't have much friends at school. Nor do I have anyone that appreciates my artwork/writing/animations, so I got on Tumblr to kinda post the stuff on the internet.

Even tho I have already apologized to @waffletrex, I will apologize to you as well.

I am very sorry if/that I crossed any boundaries, I will try to fix myself even more in the future, and move on from certain stuff that was negative. Also, I will try and be a little more aware about certain boundaries, even being off the internet.

-libbworl, written with apology

[fatherimperatoris]

classic FNAF au post

hey guys, I just wanted to make a post about a project I've been working on for the past month or so:

THE CLASSIC FNAF AU!!!

what is it?

Well my goal with the classic FNAF au is to basically rewrite the Rebornica FNAF au with more of an emphasis on story and serious character arcs. There's still goofy stuff here; but it's a lot more serious and story based than the original.

The story would take place mostly during the years 1999 - 2002; with things happening before and afterwards as well.

Let's meet some of the characters shall we?

Mke Schmidt

Mike Schmidt is hired apart of the nightguard team in 1999 at 18 years old; he's about 5'11" and Caucasian with dark brown hair and a horrid scar causing half of his head to remain bald; and for him to be blind in one eye.

Mike is the titular victim of the bite of 87; happening to him when Mike was only 6 years old; after that Mike suffered from heavy mental issues; including bad anger issues problems; lack of empathy and others.

He's not a bad person even if it seems like it sometimes; he's just angry about what happened to him and can never really just... get over it. The other older guards try to help him out sometimes tho.

====================================

2. Jeremy Fitzgerald

jeremy is another character in the au, being a pale ginger standing at 5'8"

jeremy is also hired at 17 in 1999; however he doesn't take the nightguard shift until FNAF 2 in 2000. He's mikes childhood best friend; and is a shy timid dude who just wants to do his best and not make anybody mad.

Jeremy wears sunglasses in his shifts all the time because he has a condition called heterochromia; causing each of his eyes to be colored different from one another. This fact about himself is something he finds embarrassing- even if everybody tells him it's not that big of a deal.

====================================

3. Fritz smith

NO IMAGE YET IM SORRY

fritz is a 6'0" tall chubby African American in his 20's, he's the son of the boss; and really only had his job for that very reason.

He mostly works the day shift; playing on arcade machines and doing piss poor attempt at cleaning when Scott asks- he really just doesn't care about his job at all, and if you were to meet him; you would be able to tell.

====================================

4. Scott Cawthon "Phone guy"

in every Freddy's; there's a "phone guy"; a phone guy is the mascot character Freddy's uses to represent its staff, specifically it's managers. Scott here is the phone guy of the current location; being a jewish man in his late 40's, and standing at 5'11.

Scott is a clearly overworked and tired man; he tries everything he can to keep his staff under control; but given who he has working for him; it can be hard sometimes.

Scott had a wife and a son; however he doesn't spend too much time with them unless it's his off days given how much he has to do at the restaurant to keep it running. All in all he's just a very tired, and clearly overworked man.

====================================

5. Vincent Bishop "Purple Guy's

Vincent is one of the older employees at Freddy's, being 35 in the events of the story. He is a 6'5" mixed man, being half Japanese and half African American.

Vincent was born with a very special kind of autism where Vincent cannot understand emotion at all. He is completely unaware of what emotions are; meaning he only expresses himself in 2 ways; being creepy, and acting violent.

Vincent was 8 years old when he saw the first murder happen outside of fredbears, and ever since he wanted to follow in THEIR footsteps; he doesn't even realize his serial killings are a bad thing- he thinks he's doing them out of a place of love; or whatever his perception of love is.

Vincent contributed to 5 of the 10 missing kids of Freddy's; and is a major antagonist in the story.

====================================

6. John doe "Pink Man"

john is a unique character for this au alone, not appearing in the original Rebornica au.

John is a shadowy figure of whom nobody knows his true name, all that is known is he is an older Caucasian male wearing a pink suit and magenta vest. He caused the first murder outside of fredbears when Vincent was 8; and contributed to another murder in 1985 where he killed 4 more (foxy go go go minigame) leading to 5 more missing kids.

John doe is by all means an enigma; nobody knows who he truly is or what his motives are; and for the sake of the story and the au; they are largely left vague to allow for personal headcanons and interpretations.

====================================

I will post more about this au; but I think this is a good introduction post to the characters; who they are and what you all will be dealing with when you follow along >:)))

I hope you guys like it so far; it's definitely a passion project of mine; and expect to see more soon

Seeya fellas

[hellbubu]

Ugh, its awful. I need to mask SO hard whenever I'm home. I explained to mom about my social battery and now she uses that expression alllll the timeee....but she doesn't seem to realize I'm including *her* too, in the 'people that tire me out' category ¬¬ She gets mad I go to bed late, but it's the only time of peace and quiet where i can do stuff without noise and interruptions from others! Usually when im alone im a depressed useless lump half of the day, but the need to mask with a smile and answer and interact and be *cute* is just so engraved in me i do it automatically and it never ends *cries* Sorry for the rant lol (also, im too tired to write correctly so sorry for that)

Derrick forcing the others to play bad and Red house losing AND redmond not noticing would be hilariousssss

Oh, man, imagine a teen movie with this plot xDDD I'd watch the hell outta that!

Ikr!! Like, WHO kills someone to supossedly 'solve a problem' and immediately goes 'and bringing them back will solve everything! Like, why ?? If getting rid of him was the solution, why bring him/them back...??? Ugh, teenage boys. La edad del pavo, indeed.

Gaaahhh, imagine Druitt being a friend of the LM. *shivers* I mean, it makes sense? All these pervs seem to run in the same circles...(although LM has the 'easiest' option of taking what he wants from helpless children 24/7 9 months of the year, and the security of them not being brave enough to tell anyone or being able to scape. Imagine the nightmare of having caught the eye of that creep, blergh.)

Fr, fr, we se Seb, LM, UT and....one more teacher? For such a 'prestigious' institution, the education sure seems lacking (this is why they send the royal brats off to Eton lmao)

Right, right???? They should have totally manage to escape! And we weren't shown any more violence or blood or ANYTHING. So what. happened. (Also, I imagined Violet with the knifes cause there's no way he'd be able to take on two guys lol. Poisoned darts would work as well, Dementia!)

asjdhakjafhsdkjfshd, I've seen all kind of theories! Still, all I know is that UT is obssessed with Phantomhives but somehow doesn't care about killing Ciel OR about who slaughtered them. (Alsoooooo....if UT was able to save r!ciel's body before seb burned the body...does this mean he was there??? inside the house where they were torturing the boys??? for how long????? why didnt he save them????)

Poor Joanne. Truly, a hellish year. *tu-tush!* Also, he was probably so relieved about the canoe incident since people would talk more about that than him...only to end up pissing himself in front of the others. ALSO! Was he even made prefect?? Like, i saw a post about him being too young and being passed over, which would MAJORLY suck, since the other prefects are the only people he can talk about that night with. But the blurry red house prefect we see is blonde so idk. (I bet you he joined the boyband purely out of pettiness to fuck the P4 over. Im sure the others -except Soma, poor clueless baby- joined for the same reasons lol)

Awww, that's so cute! And a totally worthy endeveour for a 2nd son to invest in! FU r!ciel (i wanna like you, bb, but the fandom hasnt given me much hopes about you and i still have to read the manga)

SPEAKING of that. Yana went on hiatus!!!! I'm in despair.

Victoria being mad jealous of Claudia over UT would be hilarious. Basic in a 'powerful-women-can-only-be-enemies' kinda way; but hialrious.

I DO feel that if she did order it would have made more sense to 'save' the twins (or at least one) and earn their devotion? Give them a false enemy to burn and keep using them as her loyal dogs. But if she gave the order to erradicate the family completely someone fucked up MAJORLY. I bet heads rolled xD

A shift in power would make sense...but how? An Earl is a looong way from the crown (and with her many children and even grandkids!?). Maybe she started something supernatural over Albert's death? And Vincent found out? Questions, questions.

Beso <3

Constant social interactions are the worst especially when you can't be yourself. Having to act like you're someone else is tiring and you should really get some rest. Like not just sleep or be alone for a bit, but take some days to actually properly recharge, if possible.

He wouldn't force them to play badly during the tournament, only during practice... or at least I hope so. The Red House getting beaten by the Blue House because of Derrick does sound fun tho.

I think that the previous P4 took all the brain cells when they left. Otherwise, why would they 1. think that killing a bunch of boys was a good solution and 2. think that bringing the boys that they killed back to life was a good idea?

Druitt and the LM are both pedos, but I think Druitt would think he's better than LM because he (Druitt) has a title, is a doctor, and gets away with buying and selling kids. LM has to watch in the shadows as boys are beaten, while Druitt goes and kidnaps kids to sell. Druitt thinks LM is in a league waaaayy lower than him. He doesn't seem to even realize LM can do as much as he does (well, maybe not the selling part) and not even be found out. He (LM) brings it up once but Druitt is too busy salivating over a boy (Ciel in a cheap wig and different clothes) to pay attention.

I like to think that the bullies have never been held at knifepoint, so when Violet pulls out one, singular, butter knife they freak out and think Violet will manage to kill them. Meanwhile, Violet is just stabbing air and swinging his knife around while praying that they'll back off so Greenhill can kill them.

Maybe he got there just after Sebastian was summoned or something. He thought "holy shit, if he (Sebastian) knows I'm here, he might just eat the other twin. I need to keep quiet so I can still the other's body. I'll bring him back to life so they can play happy family later."

I think I might like R!Ciel if I read the manga. Alas, I can't. But O!Ciel would always be my fave twin. He's always been so kind. <3

I heard she's working on the ending. I do think it might take a few years for it to end tho. I feel like there's still too many questions for it to end soon. I'm not a manga reader, but even I know that there's still quite a bit left until they start to unravel the Phantomhive murders. Like, the current arc might lead to the final one, but from what I understand SebaCiel have yet to meet UT&R!Ciel again and are on their honeymoon... so quite a while still

Maybe Claudia fucked her over and Vincent was about to too, so she'd rather just get rid of them all. We know she doesn't trust O!Ciel because she had the Charles follow him during the Circus Arc. So it might not be too far-fetched to think that many of the previous Guard Dogs have turned against the crown at one point or another and she might've wanted to start over with a cleaner slate.

I mean, maybe Vincent just saw something he really didn't like and was willing to fuck England over. Let drugs freely on the streets and sell secrets regarding England. But I could be wrong. He does have this dude called Chlaus as an informant and this guy travels a lot. So, if Vincent were to try to fuck shit up and then make a run for it with the help of Chlaus but the Queen finds out...

Besitos :* :*

[demadogs]

Everyone’s been talking about byler vs others shows lately and can I just say I can’t scroll for 2 seconds without seeing a post about “Heartstopper” or “The Summer I Turned Pretty” on any of my socials and I’m getting really annoyed? 😭 The cast of both shows seem so sweet but I don't care to hear about it! And I don’t want to be a hater but it feels to me like it's really hard to curate experiences anymore. Ik its the Internet so you’re going to see things you don’t want to see and both shows are pretty popular right now butttt post after post?…broooo those fucking cartoon leaves are going to haunt me atp but I'm glad to know I'm not completely alone.

And I know this might seem so stupid but I’m really tired of seeing heartstopper in particular discussed in the Byler tag. I don’t have a problem with people who enjoy that show trying to find other bylers who watch it or necessarily talking about moments on that show they want to happen with byler I mean ppl can do what they want but yeah. I prob come across miserable but this hiatus is just sucky and people will probably feel this way about Byler/ST when S5 comes out so 😂

lmaoo i recommend filtering your tags for what you dont wanna see. you can do that here and you can mute specific words on twitter. not sure if you can on instagram, and for tiktok if you see something just hold down and hit “not interested” or even block them if their whole page is edits for a show youre not into. i do this and i rarely see heartstopper stuff anymore and i never saw tsitp to begin with bc all my algorithms have figured out im gay and dont show me the super hetero shows lmao.

i understand about the cross tagging thing. if you do filter heartstopper you’ll be able to scroll past those without clicking on them but i think people treat the byler tag as more of a giant groupchat with things most of us would be interested in. like if im talking about lumax i usually tag byler bc so many bylers also love lumax but i dont tag lumax when im talking about byler bc those tag followers may only be interested in lumax you know what i mean? i dont think theres any stopping those kinda posts but again, filtering the tag will help.

[theastromind]

100% agree with that other ask though maybe ppl are so out of touch with their own reality due to social media that even the idols cant fully enjoy all they post for their own fans. fancalls etc etc. i feel like too much of it is abt them building so much recognition online they forget to really see that social media isnt the only place they can be recognised and i mean idols go viral for both good and "bad" things in seconds. it feels like thats all kpop has become abt lately. dumb arguments online, fanwars, not really actually seeing the good in sometning or someone and ppl tearing down actually innocent idols for no valid reason.

i mean u can go to youtube or tiktok and it takes seconds to find a new group then u go down their rabbit hole and find more stuff except its not all decent not sunshine and rainbows 24/7 but its like once someone deems something of an idol as bad when it isnt it takes the fun out of it then theres ones who actually do genuinely bad things and ppl ignore it like ehhh let him or her do crime or bullying lmao. even with idols who are seriously well loved sometimes im like ehhh I didnt like xyzs behaviour towards xyz member but ppl act like bullying doesnt occur in groups themselves or that fans online if u can even call them that bully idols for nothing and then something else is another whole thing. ugh i dont know how u can keep reacting and reacting without feeling tired of it? kpops meant to be enjoyable for idols and audiences but so much is competition sadly so much is still glossed over thats the issue. i still love the groups i love but i want to separate it from kpop as a whole. we used to habe many groups in the west in the 00s but it really seems ppl centre a lot of their attention around kpop only and not seeing enough variation due to how much kpop is everywhere these days, which is both good and bad depending how u view it.

I agree with you too honestly. Like I said earlier I had to step away from kpop for a while as it was really getting to my mental health as well. Like I just want to support them and their music, I don't need the drama. I mean I even saw online some fans saying 'I want to start hating on this kpop idol bc I'm bored' it was wild.

[sleepwithnightlights]

I am a bit scared

I use a nightlight to sleep I am 23 and am scared of the dark. I am scared that something is there, something will jump at me. That when i open my eyes they will meet someone elses, that things move at the corner of my eye. I already sucked at falling asleep but that made it even worse. Plus i think i started to grind my teeth a while ago, if i had to guess at the same time the shadows started to actually be scary. I used to be fine with the dark and when i imagined something being there, coming at me i would smile in understanding of the creature, sympathy. I wasnt scared of them and it was a proving that i was toughened up that they werent worse than what i knew. So it might be good that they are scary now, perhaps it means i allow myself to be vulnerable. Stress and worse time falling asleep would disagree tho. I feel silly writing this while knowing i might share it. I know not many will see it and at worst an ai bot scrapped it and thinks humans use the word scary and scared a lot more than they should. I also dont write. I used to when i wanted to be an author, they were horse stories and truly wonderful. Later in school i still loved to write, some of it was the silliness i deserved, and some was concerning and should have tipped off my teachers. I guess i gotta say: "I dont write anymore." Which will soon be a lie if i ever make it past 1 or 2 posts. I also dont speak english as my first language and i dont get better at grammar the later it gets, which is when i will write most of these texts. Late at night when im dreading to exist but death is too extreme because of my mom and because of my dog and because of my cat and because of my friends and im scared of pain and i am not at risk, i am in therapy and would certainly not go on a blog to seek my last contact and all i want is to be nothingness but not dead but every thought is poison and i want it to finally shut up up there. So i'll write instead and finally remember what i was thinking duing this time and make it easier for my therapist.

I dont think i used a single comma so far. Oops. I also think that i am being cringe. I will sound edgy no matter how i word it and that no thought will be unique, that what i write is eye-rollable. Teenager stuff. I guess its teenager stuff, its kids stuff, the me teenager and the me kid is just as angry and sad and terrified as the now me. I guess i deserve to be those things and sound cringey and edgy i've got important stuff to share, like being a sad and terrified and angry kid. So back off hater and ai that will not use a single comma now thanks to me. You are welcome guys, i saved us from the impending plagiarization of everything everyone is writing anywhere. Yippie.

I dont allow myself to have a break from doing something during the day.i need to do something so i dont start thinking. Thats stuff bed-me has to deal with and she has gotten quite adapt at trying their best to work with the mess day-me has to deal with. • Fantasy stories. • Funny or exciting scenarios. • Revenge scenarios. • Fake arguments. • Something tragic has happened and only i can help (f.e. a train has been taken hostage and i can save everybody). • Someone i love dearly has died (not actually) and i am now left to deal with grief i cannot even imagine how bad it will be once they truly die. • Someone i love died (actually) and i am left to be furious with the hands they were dealt and they were not able to live their life as they deserved it. • Less now but i used to love creating little love interests and creating whole stories on how we met and fell in love.

There is more but writing does make me tired. Also a lot of these dont actually seem good or helpful and you would be correct but awful scenarios bring a sense of control since i know how to deal with surviving and adapting to anything.

I think i had strategies like these since ever. They used to be mostly diving into the fantasyland of whatever book i was reading, creating my own character, having my own powers, replaying what fun they had. I used to look forward to that part of falling asleep since it was so fun. I dont know if there is something not "normal" about that, something any kid wouldnt do aswell. Im starting to get frustrated that i cant put my thoughts down into writing like i want it to, so ill go try and sleep again. Thank you for reading, hope you got your nigthlight on or video or

[perce]

maybe that bad news was just like, a final straw, and this is a mild emotional shutdown? cant tell

[crazyw3irdo]

i don't have an actual tweet thing for batfam twitter au/dickwing au/whatever im calling this for today so here's some headcanons(?) for that au (are they headcanons if you're the one making the au? eh some of these are just headcanons for the characters in general so i guess it still applies)

-bruce has been batman for a couple of decades now, he started in his early 20s and now he's in his late 40s

-the public thinks of bruce as this well-meaning (albeit himbo leaning) dad whose trying his best. back when he first started being batman his public bruce persona was just very much happy-go-lucky himbo (how can bruce be batman? bruce doesn't even know how to tie his shoelaces) but he's now graduated to tired dad (how can bruce be batman? he has six kids to take care of and a company to run)

-and yeah six kids, duke is officially adopted into the wayne family in this

-no, alfred does not have a twitter. he's got too much to deal with already. however, he does know everyone's account information, so yknow, in case a masked vigilante gets beat up really bad then it's not like their civilian account suddenly stops posting

-and yeah alfred is alive. he cannot die. i refuse to believe it. i'm already saying fuck canon i'm not stopping now

-i've seen people in the tags asking/speculating about this, but i've been going on the assumption that each character has two phones: one for vigilante-ing and one for civilian-ing. if one gets stolen or hacked then its not like the thief will suddenly have access to their identity. plus it's not like bruce can't afford multiple phones.

-dick started dickwing because he was bored and thought it would be funny; it becoming a "well no one will think dick grayson is nightwing because they're dating" thing was 100% unintentional but also 100% the immediate excuse he gave when asked by the rest of the fam why he did that.

-dick is a theatre kid. which is obvious from the way i've been writing him but i felt it needed to be said again. i wanna say his fave musical would be newsies but i haven't seen newsies personally so,, i mean, of the musicals i really like and am familiar with, i'd say it'd be cats. now if you're familiar with cats you're like "okay yeah i can see it" but if you only know about it from that terrible movie let me justify myself: it's a dance-heavy musical with lots of amazing feats of athleticism in the dances. also, look up what rum tum tugger looks like in the actual show and then remember dick's discowing costume. i'm right about this.

-cass still doesn't know how to read. she uses a text to speech program to have things read out for her. she's also mostly nonverbal

-babs uses a wheelchair in this. i know some canon stuff does the whole "yeah but she got better" but once again i don't like canon

-no one in this family is neurotypical but the ones i feel most strongly about are bruce and cass are autistic and dick has adhd. pretty sure they all have some form of ptsd too but ngl that seems kind of obvious. and yes bruce being autistic is canon i love reminding people of this :3

-speaking of canon things i like reminding people of because it's often ignored in canon, dick is romani! and bruce is jewish!

-bruce, dick, steph, and tim are bi. or yknow, some kind of mspec, i don't think dick is a big fan of labels, steph probably says she's whatever sexuality makes her joke funnier, and tim is still figuring it out. babs is also bi and that is solely because my mom is bi and babs is her favorite character. cass is a lesbian and you could tell me jason, dami, and duke are whatever sexuality you want and i'd believe you. ngl i don't personally feel comfortable giving dami a sexuality hc myself bc i don't really like shipping/imagining child character in relationships but eh you do you as long as its not actually sexual

-genderwise dick is nb. i am nb and he's my favorite character. i have the right. he's fine w all pronouns but mostly uses he/they. once again he's not really a labels kind of guy. and yes i am still obsessed with that official post that used they/them for damian i know they didn't mean it but yes he/they damian my beloved. also she/they selina kyle.

[anchorandrope]

Hello Alex!!! Hope you’re doing great :3

I follow you on Twitter and I have seen that a couple of times you have said that you can be "no stunts" and a twarrie at the same time. Can you explain how that's possible? Thanks <3

hi dear,

before i start, a little note for those who dont have twitter: on twitter people use the term “no stunts” to refer to the fact that they dont believe in any stunt. larries do this because on twitter there are larry shippers who call themselves larries and thats why they invented that term to differentiate themselves.

first, everyone should know that there is only one definition of larrie (a person who believes that louis tomlinson and harry styles are in a real and serious love relationship since the beginning of one direction), but unfortunately many people believe that the definition of larrie varies according to the app, or stuff like that. for this reason, many people use terms like “im a tumblr larrie”, “im a tiktok larrie”, “im a twitter larrie”, etc. in my opinion, either you are larrie or you are not larrie, the end. it seems stupid to me that some people think there are different types or “levels” of larries.

having said all this, the term twarrie came up to refer to twitter larries. and no, its not literally any larrie that uses twitter, the term identifies those larries whose main platform is twitter. the term encompasses a whole stereotype of how a larrie whose main platform is twitter acts and thinks. i think a lot of people think that being a twarrie is synonymous with believing in babygate (thinking louis is a father) when in reality being a twarrie involves a lot more than just an opinion on babygate. you may not believe in babygate, but if you act like a twarrie does, then dont get mad when someone calls you that. you know what i mean?

as i said, the stereotype encompasses many things, so you can easily be a “no stunts” larrie and still be a twarrie. now, you must be wondering... how the hell do i identify a twarrie? well, basically a twarrie isnt educated and theorizes and “clowns” about everything. if you are new to the fandom, surely when you see a twarrie you wont identify them as such, surely you will think “wow their theory is so complex, surely they are very smart” when in reality they are just making up anything to keep having “larry proof”. you realize they are twarries when they seem to need these crazy theories to keep believing in larry.

i feel that the new larries want to look for current “proofs” because they didnt live the real larry proofs. i know they dont do it with bad intentions, but this really affects the image of larries a lot, especially those of us who use tumblr. twarries think that by the simple fact of having installed the tumblr app on their phones, they are automatically “tumblr larries” (and then they go and tell everyone that they are), and thanks to this, everyone think that larries that use tumblr are crazy.

i personally never cared about twarries, but lately i have to admit that it annoys me that they use us to make hit tweets and to justify that they are the smartest just because they have tumblr. im tired of going on twitter and seeing accounts that take screenshots of tumblr posts just so they can say “omg look what i saw on tumblr, so true” and gain likes. but you know what makes my blood boil? when you tell a twarrie that they’re acting like a twarrie and they tells you that you’re blinded by the industry and that things go way beyond what we see 🤌🏼 sorry, but i dont know about yall, but i would say “babe, sit down” lol. i think all twarries should read this... because lately their actions are affecting the fandom a lot.

i hope i answered your question (and sorry it was so long) have a nice day <3

[watchmegetobsessed]

SAFE AND SOUND

a/n: this one took a little longer to write, but im so happy its finally finished! its not what i originally planned, i started a whole different plot but hated it so started again, but i might go back to the first story, so maybe more bodyguard!harry content is gonna come! anyway, hope you’ll enjoy this one!

pairing: Bodyguard!Harry X Reader

warning: use of weapon (no one dies), mentioning of cancer (no one is sick), sexual content

word count: 9.1k

masterlist

“This is not up for discussion, Y/N. What you are doing and what you are about to achieve soon might upset a lot of people that hold great power. We can’t just assume you’ll be fine, walking around like anyone else in the world.”

Your boss, Julian explains it to you, leaning onto his desk, trying his best to keep his cool about your protest to get you a guard to watch out for you and keep you safe. It’s been an ongoing struggle and fight you two have been having these past weeks and it became a burning situation since you’ve made some major progress in your project.

“I’m not some kind of royalty to have security with me all the time,” you grumble rolling your eyes.

“Not just royalties have guards, Y/N. Just accept it, that you’re valuable, your work is very important not just to our company but to the whole world. Do you not realize how big it is? You are close to having the cure to cancer, Y/N! You can easily get a Nobel-prize for that!”

“I know that it’s important, but no one knows me, no one will see me on the street and know who I am or what I do!”

“It’s not about the people on the street. The world is a dark place, darker than you could imagine. Please, just… I want to know that you’re safe.”

Staring back at him with your arms folded on your chest you contemplate his words. You can see the rationality in his words, it’s just that you don’t want to break your routine, you don’t want people around you all the time, you don’t want to end your privacy like that. But Julian is right, your work is important and there have already been a few attempts to steal your researches, but they miserably failed. However that doesn’t mean they will be stopped the next time as well.

“One guard,” you speak up. “Just one. I’m not gonna have a whole fucking team,” you tell him raising your eyebrows. He lets out a relieved sigh, a tiny smile tugging on his lips.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Reaching out to the phone he presses the buzzer that signals to his assistant, Monica outside and a few moments later she walks in, accompanied with a tall, suited man, his green eyes immediately falling to you upon entering the room.

“Y/N, I took the courage to pick him out for you myself. This is Harry Styles, the best you can find in the city if not in the country,” Julian introduces him as he pushes himself away from his giant mahogany desk, walking closer to the man as they shake hands firmly. You stand up from the armchair you’ve been sinking into these past ten minutes and unsurely hold out your hand to the man.

“Harry Styles, pleasure to meet you,” he introduces himself, a thick British accent lacing through his voice and the way his green irises stare back at you, you can feel your heart fluttering in your chest. Mr. Styles is undeniably the most charming and handsome man you’ve ever met, with his perfectly carved cheekbones and chiseled jawline, pink lips and those enchanting green eyes framed by his thick lashes. There’s something in his appearance, something feminine, but still, he holds so much masculinity at the same time, it’s hard not to be enamored by him.

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you mumble your name, shaking his hand slightly before letting go of it.

“Details about your cooperation have already been discussed with the security agency and us, but of course, your word is what counts, so we’ll walk over the whole plan with you as well,” Julian explains to you and you nod shortly.

The three of you move to the conference room and the next hour goes by with working those so called details out, some of them are ridiculous, some of them you can get used to, at the end you are left with a somewhat bearable plan, but one thing is for sure. Harry Styles will be a big part of your life from now on.

THREE MONTHS LATER

The tiny pack of sugar tears open in your hands, but you put too much effort into it so the countertop is now covered with the content of the pack instead of ending up in your paper cup.

“Fuck,” you growl, dumping the empty pack into the trash before grabbing another one, hoping it won’t end up the same way.

“Let me help you,” a smooth, male voice speaks up next to you and Harry grabs the pack from your hands as he places his own coffee to the counter. You let him tear the pack open easily, pouring the sugar into your drink without problem before he puts the lid back to your cup.

“Thank you,” you mumble, closing your tired eyes for a split second. You’ve been overworking way too much these past weeks, it’s starting to shut your system down, but you don’t want to rest, not when you’re so close to finishing your project.

The past two weeks have been major, you finally made the progress you’ve been working towards for months now, letting you step into the last phase of your work finally. But it’s been a quite stressful time as you’ve been eager to finish as soon as possible, but that meant little to no time spent outside of your lab.

Harry shoots you a reassuring smile before you both grab your drinks and head out of the café in the direction of your workplace.

The past three months were one hell of a ride when it comes to Harry. You didn’t hide your dislike towards his continuous presence in your life, standing by your side wherever you went. It frustrated you, made you feel like you didn’t have your freedom any longer even though he never did anything to make you hate him. He was considerate, respectful and only wanted to do his job, yet you still gave him a hard time at the beginning, right until the need for his work was proved.

Two months ago someone broke into your apartment while you were out, they searched through the whole place, looking for something. Well, not just something, they were clearly interested in anything connected to your research, but luckily, you’re not dumb enough to just let these stuff lay around your home.

Even though you didn’t encounter the person responsible for it, the incident still shook your up. Knowing that someone could get into your personal space so easily, that they could have come at a time when you were home and vulnerable, it scared you. Harry was the person that eased the worry and fear in you, he took care of everything in an instant and upon his best advice, you moved to a new apartment with a higher security level. He even moved to the place next to yours so he could be as close to you as possible at all times. There was a much needed shift in your relationship after that and you didn’t see him as an intruder any longer in your life, but more as a hero.

“So would you like Italian or Mexican tonight for dinner?” Harry asks as the two of you enter the building, using your IDs you go through the massive security gates, the guards in post nodding in your way.

“Isn’t it your night to choose?” you smile at him sideways as you wait for the elevator.

“Okay, then Thai,” he smirks, making you laugh. “Hope you are not planning on eating it here again,” he gives you a warning look and you purse your lips.

“I have a lot to do, and—“

“Y/N, you need to rest sometimes,” he scolds you as if you were just a child.

“I do rest. Sometimes,” you answer with an innocent look as the elevator’s door slides open and you walk in with Harry following you right behind.

“Like once a week? Do you even sleep when you’re at home?”

“I do! Don’t make me look like I’m some kind of crazy workaholic!”

“I’m just worried about you, is all,” he sighs, giving you a hard look.

“Oh, Mr. Styles. If I didn’t know you better I would think you might have a soft spot for me,” you smirk at him teasingly before the elevator arrives to your floor and you walk out without a word. Harry just stares after you with a small smile tugging on his lips as he thinks about your words. It’s funny, especially because you both know something more than just a professional relationship has been going on between the two of you, only dancing around it as the situation is a little too complicated to address now.

It’s not like any rules are tying you down, but you would rather not mix up work with your private life. You might have feelings for Harry, but you refuse to act up on them until he is out of his duty as your personal guard.

Your days are usually the same. While you lock yourself up in your lab, working with no end, Harry stay either with you in there or he hovers around the door, keeping an eye on everyone and everything. Just the thought of his presence never fails to bring you a sense of comfort, knowing that you don’t have to worry about your safety until he is near. It might seem nerdy, but you can easily get lost in your work. It doesn’t feel like a job, growing up with parents who were excellent doctors and pharmacists themselves, you were doomed to be a science enthusiast yourself from the beginning. Learning has never been a task for you but a gift, as you liked to look at it.

Working overtime happens often because you lose touch with time easily once you get down to work. Nothing exists outside of your lab and you hardly realize how late it is until Harry usually warns you.

“I didn’t joke when I said I didn’t want to have dinner in here,” he steps into your sanctuary while you’re in the middle of running tests for the millionth time today. Pushing your glasses up to the top of your head while the machines are buzzing and whirling, you look up at him with a tired smile.

“Let me just… finish this one last test and then I promise we’ll head out.”

“Alright, but I’m watching you. No more tests,” he warns, sitting on one of the stools while you finish what you started.

Harry never really asked you about your work, for a while you weren’t even sure if he knows what you’re doing and why it’s so important. It was never discussed at the beginning and he never brought it up later either. But judging from the time he spends near you at the lab he must have picked up a few things about it surely.

The machines stop working and the tiny beeping sound signals that the results are out. You grab the long printed paper and start scanning the data, chewing on your bottom lip as you hope to find what you’ve been looking for all day. The numbers are coming in great, but it’s been like this for a while, it’s the end that never matches up with your expectations. So when you get there and see the graphs showing the result that you’ve been dreaming of since the start of the whole project years ago, your mouth falls open in disbelief even though it’s what you’ve been working for all this time.

“Oh my God,” you whisper.

“What?” Harry’s head snaps up in alert, jumping off the stool.

“I… I did it,” you breathe out, glancing up from the paper. “It’s my first time succeeding, Harry!” you start laughing, the shock taking over your whole body that you really did it this time.

“And what does that mean?”

“Come on, let me show you,” you tell him in excitement, pulling him over to the computer where you pull up all the data you’ve been working on. A virtual version of a cell comes up on the screen as you start typing, modelling what you want to show him. “This is a completely healthy cell, it’s what you are made of too, mostly,” you ass with a chuckle before another cell comes up on the screen. “And this is what cells that are affected by cancer look like.”

The difference is a lot more complicated than what you can explain to him in such a short time, but he can see it with his own eyes. The color, the shape, everything is different from the first one. Harry examines the screen and nods shortly, letting you know that he is following.

“I’ve been working on a substance that is able to not just detect the cancerous cells but it can also kill it effectively without hurting the healthy ones.”

You bring up the virtualized version of the substance you’ve been working on, a short animation showing how it can tell the two cells apart and only attack the cancerous one.

“I haven’t been able to get the numbers above 60% when it comes to succeeding in the process of selection so my whole project was about finding a solution to that. I’ve been trying to find the right substance to mix with our already existing one to solve the problem, but I haven’t been successful in it.”

“I assume until now,” Harry hum and you nod smirking.

“Yeah. The last test results came back very good, quite promising. It’s still not the end of the process, but it’s a huge step.”

“That’s great,” he smiles at you and though you know he probably understands just a fracture of the whole process, he can still figure out how important it is. “Congrats, Y/N.” “Thanks,” you breathe out, pride filling your chest as you shut the computer off. “I guess this is my cue to end the day,” you smile at him before packing up everything, getting ready to finally leave.

It’s not the first time Harry is spending the evening at your place. You often have dinner together, or watch a movie whenever you get home early enough to do that. Through the time you’ve spent together because of his job you’ve grown to be friends above everything. Good ones, in fact, which is a big deal for you since making friends has never been an easy task for you.

You bought takeout on the way home and as Harry set the table you poured yourself a glass of wine, knowing well Harry would never drink when he is on duty and he is basically working all the time he is with you, so you’re drinking alone. You both sit to the dining table, starting dinner together in a comfortable silence. It’s another thing you appreciate about Harry. He doesn’t try to talk when it’s not necessary, you hate small talk, you’d rather sit in silence than talk about something nonsense and Harry is a partner in that.

“When do you need to leave work tomorrow to get to the party on time?” he asks breaking the silence and you freeze. His eyes fall on you, examining your features for a moment before he smirks. “You forgot about it?”

“I just… thought it’s going to be next week,” you truthfully admit.

“We talked about it last week,” he smirks at you playfully. “And I told you it would be next week which is… this week.”

“I know how the days work, Harry,” you give him a look of ‘give me a break’ before you turn back to your food. “I just…”

“You just forgot it,” Harry finishes for you, and you just roll your eyes at him.

Glancing at him over the table you wonder if he’ll wear something different than is usual attire he always wears. Black suit with a white shirt underneath, the top two buttons left undone, giving you a tiny peek at the tattoos on his chest. You know those are not the only ones, you’ve seen him with the suit jacket off before, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up, his whole left arm is covered in ink and you wish you’ve had the chance to take a better look at them.

Harry is such an intriguing person in a lot of different ways. He definitely likes to keep things to himself, not one to ask for attention and it’s not just because of his work, it’s his personality. However he is good with people, interacting with them, being social. A skill you haven’t really mastered yourself yet and you probably never will. He always seems to know what to say, you’ve never seen him even the slightest bit anxious or nervous before, the confidence he holds is unmatched and it makes it hard to not think about him in ways you shouldn’t be.

After dinner he helps you clean up, just like he always does before heading out, but before he could leave he stops and turns back to face you.

“Oh, a friend of mine is visiting from the UK on Sunday. I already mentioned it to you before, but I was hoping I could get the afternoon off,” he wonders and you nod right away.

“Of course! I’ll be just fine at home,” you smile at him.

“Thank you,” he smiles back before walking out of your place at last.

Because of the party in the evening you are forced to stop working early the next day. It’s weird to leave the office in broad daylight, but you know today can’t be one of those days when you end up seeing the new day in the lab.

Harry was right yesterday, you completely forgot the whole party thing, meaning you didn’t plan anything ahead and you had nothing to wear, so through the day you called your sister, Mara to help you out. She was more than happy to lend you anything you needed. She meets you at the office, beaming to spend some time with you finally. It’s not that you don’t like her company, but you are quite different, is all. Your sister didn’t get sucked into the world of science, though she definitely has the bright mind to take up on any field she would want to explore. But she was more into the world of art, having written her first fantasy novel at the ripe age of twenty, she is now a bestseller author at only twenty-nine with a bubbly personality and basically every trait you never owned yourself.

“Harry! So nice to see you again!” Mara beams at the man as the three of you meet up at the lobby.

“Hi, Mara,” Harry smiles with a tiny nod.

“Alright, I have everything you could need so let’s head to yours!” your sister cheers before you make your way out to your cars.

Arriving to your home Harry splits from the two of you, letting you to get ready in peace and also to get ready himself. Mara didn’t joke when she said she has everything you need, the trunk of her car is basically filled with clothes and shoes, there’s no chance you won’t find something to wear tonight.

She orders you to take a quick shower as she unpacks everything she brought and when you emit from a cloud of steam with a towel wrapped around your body and one on your head, Mara gets down to work.

“So do you have a date for today?” she curiously asks while she does your makeup.

“Huh, yeah, sure,” you huff ironically. “It’s just gonna be Harry and me.”

“So Harry is your date?” her ears perk up, but you’re quick to protest.

“Of course not! He comes with me everywhere,” you mumble with your eyes closed as she is doing something on your eyelids.

“But it could be a date,” she offers and you huff in disagreement.

“You know that’s not how it works, Mara.”

“You are making it more complicated than it is! No one would blame you if you just… went for it! Harry is obviously an attractive guy.”

“Then maybe you should date him,” you bite back bitterly. Growing up you weren’t the boys’ favorite, they always paid all the attention to your sister. It’s not that you blame her or them, she always had a more capturing and lively personality that attracted people naturally. But it made you wonder if there was something wrong with you, spending all your time with your nose buried in a book or doing researches for fun while Mara was out with her friends, living her best life. Even her published books were inspired by her personal life experiences.

“Y/N,” she sighs, her hands leaving your face so you open your eyes to look at her disapproving expression. “You obviously like him so I would never do that and besides that, he for sure likes you too.”

“What’s not true,” you deny right away, but then you look at her curiously. “But why would you think that?”

Mara smirks at you tilting her head to the side, seeing right through your act that you’re not interested in Harry. Of course you are, but you choose to keep it at bay for the sake of his job.

“Y/N, I see how that man watches every move you make. It’s written all over his handsome face.”

“Of course he watches my every move, that’s his job!”

“No, it’s different. You’ll see it sooner or later,” she smiles before ordering you to close your eyes again so she can finish your makeup.

Mara does wonders to your looks, the makeup look she does on you already makes a huge difference since you don’t bother to do anything on your every days. But she didn’t stop there, she made your hair look like you just stepped off of the pages of a magazine and the dress the two of you chose was the cherry on the top. The emerald green dress was tight around your curves, showing just enough of your body to be still considered modest, but also have some spice. And though there are a lot of advantages of the dress, your first and most important thought (to you at least) was how well it goes with the color of Harry’s eyes.

“I’m a genius,” Mara sighs satisfied with her work as you slip on the pair of nude heels and put your necessities into the little clutch you’re taking with you. Just when you’re gone with everything, the doorbell rings and your heart jumps in your chest, knowing that Harry is standing on the other side of the door.

“I’ll get it for you,” Mara smiles rushing to the door as you walk into the hallway, standing a few feet behind her so as she opens the front door and Harry comes into view, over Mara’s shoulder his eyes easily find your figure standing there, feeling a little awkward and self-conscious, like you are about to go to prom with your crush. Difference is that you are not a teenager anymore and you aren’t going anywhere together together. Tonight is just work for him.

But as his bright green eyes fall on your frame and you see his lips slightly part, you can’t help but allow yourself to think for a moment that it’s more than just work. That he feels the same way about it as you do. Though you don’t voice your hopes and just smile at him faintly, hoping you don’t look completely ridiculous in your outfit.

“Harry, come on in!” Mara invites him into the apartment and he walks in, wearing his usual black suit with the difference of having a tie on around his neck, his white shirt is appearing neat and crispy and his sometimes unruly curls are now gently combed back a little so his curls are not falling into his forehead.

“Hi,” you smile at him nervously fumbling with your clutch as he takes a few steps closer to you.

“Hi. You look… beautiful,” he smiles back at you a little breathlessly as he takes a respectful look down your body before his green irises meet your gaze again.

“Thank you. You look great too,” you chuckle softly. “Should we… head out?”

“Yeah, sure!” he nods, offering you his arm and you link your arm with his instantly, hoping you won’t trip in your heels. “Lock the door when you leave, Mara, alright?” you call out to your sister who is watching you smiling.

“Sure! Have fun!”

You wave at her one last time before walking out and shutting the door closed behind you.

This party is held every year at Pharma-Z, mostly this is the time when the brain meets the money. Investors and funders like to meet the people behind the million dollars researches from time to time and this is the occasion where both sides show up. Julian always asks you to be social and try to mingle, but the whole thing feels forced and painful for you. You’d rather just be left alone with your researches and projects without having to schmooze to the people who give you the money for your hard work.

It’s held at one of said investors’ luxurious penthouse, that doesn’t even look like someone’s home with the huge outdoors infinity pool, the spacious and modern interiors and the expensive looking decoration that was put up just for the occasion.

“Y/N! I’m so happy you are here!” Julian approaches you with a drink in his hands and you’re happy to see a familiar face in the crowd. You don’t really know others from work, only your little team you directly work with and of course, your boss, Julian.

“It’s not like I had a choice,” you chuckle giving him a short, friendly hug. Julian is far from a nightmare of a boss some people have to face at their job. He is an actually nice and very smart and intellectual person. The pharmaceutical industry can be harsh and dark, the competition between the businesses is way more intent than people think. This is why you need the protection. Some companies profit off of the fact that cancer has no cure yet. They make money from all the treatments that doesn’t even guarantee full recovery. A lot of big fish don’t want the cure, because that would make them lose a good chunk of their income and some of those would even go to the depth of hurting you for being so close to ruining their business with your invention. Pharma-Z is luckily a genuine company that wants to help sick people and that’s why you’re working there.

“You know how important it is for the company,” Julian sighs, but he understands how uncomfortable these events make you feel, though he can do nothing to help you. “Harry, nice to see you again,” he smiles at the man by your side.

“Julian, nice to see you too,” he nods, shaking hands with your boss.

“Mingle a little so people can see and meet you, alright?” Julian requests and you just nod silently before he moves on to the next group of people.

You get yourself a drink to ease your nerves a little as people start approaching you. Some of them you’ve met last year, but there are a lot of new faces. Your project has brought in quite a few new sponsors and investors and now they want to meet you and talk about the research their money is going into.

You try your best to keep a smile plastered across your face as you tell the people the same thing over and over again, receiving praise and compliments on your work before moving onto the next conversation just to start over again.

You can feel your social batteries running out, not sure you can put up with another conversation with a wealthy investor who wants you to know you have a job because they gave money for your project in hopes of you bringing more money to them.

Harry has stayed by your side the whole evening, and you didn’t notice but he kept examining you every few minutes to make sure you were holding up and he noticed how tired you’ve grown from socializing for so long.

“Y/N,” he softly calls out, his palm finding the small of your back. “Why don’t we get some fresh air?” he kindly offers and you immediately understand that he is trying to get you away from the guests and the overwhelming conversations you’ve been dealing with. Nodding you let him usher you outside, finding a spot where the two of you can be a little alone.

“I fucking… hate small talks and being nice to everyone,” you let out a long and heavy sigh, as you lean against the railing, paying just one short glance at the city’s bright lights under your feet. Harry chuckles shortly.

“I figured. You’ve been chewing your lips so hard I was afraid you’d start bleeding.”

Now that he has brought your attention to it, you realize you are doing it again, so you let go of your bottom lip from between your teeth and it brings out another chuckle from Harry.

“I’m just… not good with these… social stuff.”

“I disagree with that,” he hums, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Oh please, if you haven’t realized it, my number of zero friends is a tell, I think.”

“Come on, it’s not zero. You’re friends with Mara.”

“But family doesn’t count, she is kind of forced to be my friend,” you shrug, making him laugh.

“Okay, but I’m your friend too, aren’t I?” You furrow your eyebrows at him.

“You spend time with me because it’s your job.”

His eyes soften on you as he leans against the railing next to you, looking so effortlessly handsome and charming, you almost need to take a deep breath at the sight of him. And the cheeky smile on his pink lips is definitely not helping your case.

“I know you didn’t mean that. You’re a smart woman, Y/N.” Reaching out he tugs a loose strand of hair behind your ear as he inches closer a tiny bit. “I think we stepped over the line of just work.”

“So… you consider me your friend?” you ask shyly.

“If you have to ask maybe I’ve been doing something wrong,” he chuckles softly, making you smile too. Folding your arms a shiver runs down your spine from the cold evening breeze. “Are you cold?” Harry asks, but before you could even say a word, he shrugs his jacket off and drapes it over your shoulders.

“Oh, thank you,” you breathe out shyly.

“Do you want another drink?”

“Yeah, I think I might need another one,” you chuckle and nodding he tells you to just stay there until he gets you a new one.

Turning towards the view, you enjoy the lonely moments for a little, not too keen on going back inside and keep up the façade of interest any longer. You’d rather just head home, maybe have another drink with Harry on your couch while you watch a rerun of whatever show is on TV and then fall asleep after a hot shower. You’ve been working way too much lately and it’s just now crashing down on you. Next week you definitely should cut back on your hours at the lab, the project is already going amazing, it won’t hurt if you actually had some rest before you lose your mind.

You hear footsteps approaching you and you think it’s Harry returning, but as you turn around you are faced with a stranger, a man who is staring down at you with bloodshot eyes and… a gun pointed at you.

Your breath hitches, your blood freezing in your veins at the sight and your legs almost give up underneath you.

“What… who are you?” Your voice comes out as a whisper, tears already flooding your eyes as you melt against the railing as if you had anywhere to go, but you have no chance against him.

One glance at the gun allows you to see that it has a silencer on, with the music coming from inside and no one around, if he shoots you, he’ll be able to get away before anyone realizes what happened.

The man doesn’t answer, just holds up the gun, aiming right at your chest and you close your eyes, thinking that this is it. This is how your life ends, in the middle of a posh party with no one around to help you. Your lips are trembling and hands are shaking as you hold onto the railing, waiting for the inevitable to come, keeping your eyes shut, not wanting to see your killer as the last thing you see before you go.

And then you hear the muffled gunshot, making you scream in fear, your knees turning into jelly, but the pain never comes. Instead, you hear grunting and growling as a body falls to the ground in front of you.

Your eyes snap open and you see Harry straddling the man, the gun lying near your attacker’s hand and he is trying to reach it, but before he could, you kick it away as Harry throws a punch at his face that stops him from trying too hard to free himself.

The next few moments are so busy and blurry at the same time. Your legs give up underneath you, making you fall to the ground, your whole body shaking in waves. In the meantime Harry gets the man into a position where he can be easily controlled and people start flooding out at the scene, helping Harry while security working at the party take the man, the police already on its way.

When Harry can finally step back from the attacker, his eyes fall on your figure and he rushes over to you, kneeling down next to your trembling body, cradling you into his arms upon seeing how shaken up you are.

“Hey, it’s alright. It’s over, you’re alright,” he murmurs, holding you tight as your fists grab onto his shirt, your breathing is uneven, the oxygen barely makes its way into your lungs as you’re panting and gasping from the shock. “Come on, let’s get you inside, Y/N,” he gently tells you, helping you up from the floor even though your body feels like a pile of brick.

You can feel everyone staring at you, whispering behind your back as you try to hide in Harry’s arms while he walks you back inside, away from the man that tried to take your life. He walks you into one of the bathrooms and closing the lid he sits you down to the toilet while he grabs a towel and wetting it he kneels in front of you, tapping the cloth to your cheeks gently. You haven’t even realized that you’ve been sweating from the shock and the coldness feels amazing against your burning skin.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, but not even you are sure why.

“Nothing to be sorry for, Y/N,” he gently murmurs, giving your hand a squeeze as you shut your eyes closed. He grabs a glass from one of the cabinets and fills it with water handing it over to you.

“Thank you,” you mumble, bringing it to your trembling lips, but before you could drink it, your eyes snap up to meet his gaze. “And thank you for… what you did.” Your voice dies down at the end, the picture of the man pointing the gun at you still living so vividly in your mind.

“No need, it’s my job after all, right?” he chuckles softly, making your lips twitch the slightest bit before you start sipping on the water.

The police show up soon and they arrest the man who refuses to talk. They also request you to give your statement about what happened, but Harry manages to let you just give them the brief story and go in sometime soon to give them your full statement so you don’t have to spend any more time there. They are quite sure the man was hired by someone who doesn’t want you to finish your project, and it’s scary how far some people are willing to go just for the money, just to keep sick people in suffering for their own benefit.

Heading home you stay silent as Harry drives, staring out the window you let the nightlights of the city pass by you while you still see the same face, the face of the man that held a gun at you tonight. The gunshot is still ringing through your ears, it was so close, so real… of course it was real! All of it was real and your life was on the line. If it weren’t for Harry, you wouldn’t be here right now.

Arriving to your home Harry helps you out of the car and you cling onto his hand as you head up to the apartment. He keys the two of you into your home, flicking the lights on and looking around before you go further inside, just to be sure.

“It’s all clear, don’t worry,” he murmurs as you nod and make your way into the bedroom. Kicking your heels off your feet you sit on the edge of the bed, letting out a long breath, feeling your limbs loosening up a bit for the first time in the past hour.

Harry moves around the place doing whatever before he joins you in the room, kneeling in front of you his hands find your bare knees and your eyes meet his worry-filled green irises.

“Do you want to take a shower?” he softly asks and you nod your head. “Come on, I’ll start the water for you.”

He helps you up from the bed and walks you into the bathroom. You stand there awkwardly, not sure what to do as he starts running the water in the walk in shower before he steps back to you.

“Would you…?” you ask, turning around, needing help with the zipper of your dress. Harry clears his throat as his fingers work on it and a moment later the fabric loosens around your frame as you hold it to your chest with your arms. Turning back around you peek up at Harry and you notice the slight blush on his cheeks.

“I’ll be outside at the door, okay?” He whispers, his fingers delicately touching your cheek as you nod before you watch him walk out and close the door behind him.

The hot water feels freshening, like it could burn away the memories even though it’s still so vivid in your mind. You stand under the running water longer than you intended, but it feels nice and needed. Once you’re done, you wrap yourself into a fluffy towel and walk out of the steamy bathroom only to find Harry sitting at the edge of your bed, waiting like a loyal puppy. When he sees you, he stands from his spot and you don’t miss the way his eyes scan over your body that’s barely covered.

“Alright, I’ll go now, but if you—“ “Don’t!” you gasp, panic taking over you at the thought of being left alone. One of your hands grasps his arm to stop him from moving and he freezes in his spot, staring back at your fearful eyes. “Please, stay here,” you plead, voice barely over than just a whisper.

There’s a heartbeat of a pause in him as he is watching you intently and for a moment you think he’ll say no, but then his hand finds yours on his arm and he gives it a gentle squeeze as he nods.

“Okay.”

You let out a long, relieved breath as you ease into comfort. He’s staying, he’ll be with you all night, protecting you from everything and everyone.

“Can I take a shower too?” he asks softly and you nod, stepping to your wardrobe to get him a clean towel. “Thank you. I’ll be back shortly,” he tells you before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door closed behind him.

You hear the water running again and you find yourself standing at the same spot as you listen to the noises coming from the bathroom. Harry is in there, soaking under the water naked and you can’t take your mind off of how badly you want to be there with him.

It’s not just because of what happened tonight, though it made you realize that you don’t have much time to waste. Nothing can assure that you’ll live another day and you don’t want to deny happiness from yourself. You want to be with Harry and as far as you can make it out, he feels the same way.

Upon a sudden decision, you pad your way over to the bathroom door and open it carefully, the warmth immediately hitting your face as you step inside and close it behind you. The glass of the shower is steamed up, you can only make out the blurry frame of Harry in there and you wonder if he heard you come in, but it doesn’t seem like that. His clothes from the night are lying on the floor in a pile, his watch that he always wears is carefully placed next to the sink.

Your hands grab onto the edge of the towel around your body and you unwrap yourself, hanging it up on the wall before stepping to the shower. Hoping you won’t scare him, you open the door, the steam immediately hugging your naked body warmly and you see him standing there with his back facing you as you step into the spacious walk-in shower.

He notices your presence, you see him freeze mid-movement before he peeks over his shoulder, his eyes falling on you as he slowly turns, facing you completely. Standing in front of him completely bare, you feel more vulnerable than ever in your life. You’re scared that he is going to send you away, that he won’t let you get closer to him and if that happens, you’ll feel humiliated, but he just stands there in his naked glory and doesn’t say anything, so you take it as a chance to shoot your shot.

Reaching up your hands slide to his hard chest, up to the base of his neck as you push your front against his, skin to skin with the hot water running down your bodies. His hands find your waist and you could cry from the feeling of his touch on you. Pushing yourself up to your tiptoes your nose nudges against his as your eyes fall closed.

“Y/N,” he breathes out, stopping you right when your lips could meet. Opening your eyes you see the hesitation in his green irises that appear so much darker than they usually do.

“Do you not want it? You don’t want me?” you whisper.

“I do. It’s not that,” he sighs shaking his head slightly. “But you went through a lot today. I don’t want you to make decisions you might regret in the morning.”

You can’t help the small smile that tugs on your lips at how considerate and protective he is over you, thinking that this might be just something that crashed over you in the heat of the moment, but it’s been in the making from the first day you met him. Despite all your protesting against him, you knew you needed him and not just as your guard. He is what’s been missing from your life all along, you just never realized it.

“There’s nothing I could regret when it comes to you, Harry. I needed tonight to open my eyes. Our days are counted, I’m done running from my own happiness.”

He lets out a long, shaky breath as his hands hold tighter onto your waist while your hands run up his neck until your fingers tangle into his wet locks.

“I need you. And not just because of tonight. I’ve always needed you.”

“I’m here, Y/N. I’m all yours,” he breathes out before his lips smash against yours all wet and hard, but it’s the most heavenly feeling you’ve ever experienced.

You become a mess, tangled in each other, lips melting together as your hands explore naked limbs and torsos, bodies pressing tightly against each other shamelessly. Harry walks you backwards until your back hits the cold tile and you let out a whimper as you arch your back at the sudden feeling, just as his head dips down, lips attacking your neck, kissing and nibbling on the soft skin. Your light leg lifts as his hands wander down your thigh, your hips pressing together and you feel how hard he is, his cock pushed against your other thigh, making you moan at the feeling. Reaching down you blindly wrap a hand around the base, giving him a few slow pumps, earning a guttural growl from him before his lips return to yours, kissing you hard and filled with passion. His hands are all over you, on your thighs, ass, back and chest, as if he was mapping your whole body wanting to remember how every inch feels under his touch.

Without tearing his lips away from yours, he blindly reaches behind him, shutting the water off before urging you to jump into his arms, legs wrapping around his waist. He carries you out of the shower, placing you to the counter next to the sink as he stands between your legs, his hands once again finding your breasts as they knead them, making you whimper and shake under his touch. It’s euphoric and addictive, you already know you won’t be able to go a day without feeling him against you like this.

“Bed?” he breathes out against your mouth and you nod eagerly. Reaching to the side he grabs a towel, wrapping it around you, tapping and squeezing you to dry you off, throwing fits of giggles when you grab it and wrap it around his body as well.

The towel falls to the floor abandoned and forgotten as he lifts you off the counter and brings you to the bed, laying you down and holding himself up above you with one arm. His other hand cups your cheek and turning your head you kiss his palm gently, eyes glued to his as he settles between your legs.

“Are you sure about this?” he breathes out, his lips dancing against your cheek and the corner of your mouth.

“Yes! Harry, please!” you beg with a whimper, your whole body aching to feel him inside you.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you, love,” he kisses you as his hand leaves your heated face, runs down your naked body until his fingers reach your throbbing clit.

He slides two digits through your already wet folds, but just to work you up even more he starts drawing circles on your bud, turning you into a whimpering mess underneath him. Your fingers dig into the lean muscles on his back, feeling them twitch from his movements and one hand sliding down to his ass, grabbing a handful of him while pushing him closer to you, his erection pressing against your core.

“Harry, I need you!” you moan, not able to contain yourself any longer. You need to feel him, you need him as close as possible.

Reaching over to your nightstand you grab a condom from the drawer, ripping the package open with your teeth before you carefully grab his erection and roll the condom down his length, ready to finally feel him inside you.

He flicks his fingers on your clit one last time before his hand wraps around the base of his cock, giving it a few pumps while his soft lips kiss down your jawline and throat, his face hiding in the crook of his neck. Your arms circle around his shoulders, your chest heaving from the sensation as he positions himself just right, the tip teasing your hole. Harry lifts his head up, his bright eyes finding your gaze just as he sinks into you, filling you up perfectly.

“H-Harry! Fuck—“ you gasp at the feeling, your walls stretching around his thick cock as he stays still for a few moments, letting you adjust to his size.

You draw your legs up, giving you more space to go deeper as he starts thrusting, sliding in and out of you oh so perfectly, inching you closer to your relief with each movement. You cup his face in your hands, staring into his eyes as if you could see his soul in them and for a split second, you feel like you actually do. His lips are parted and the cross pendant is grazing your chest while he fucks into you, never falling out of his rhythm.

You want to beg to him not to stop, to keep moving and moving, but no words can leave your mouth as your back arches, your orgasm building up in the pit of your stomach. You start grinding your hips in sync with his, allowing him to reach deeper into you, making your toes curl from pleasure.

“Harry, I’m gonna—I-I’m gonna—Ah!” You can’t make up one coherent sentence as your legs start shaking, feeling your orgasm taking over your body.

“I know, baby. Let it go. Let me make you feel good,” he pants, his lips kissing you everywhere he can reach, your lips smashing against each other in a messy kiss, your tongue meeting his in the middle just when you reach your high.

You moan and cry out his name, fingers digging into his flesh as you chase your release. Seeing you fall apart underneath him is enough to throw him over the edge, spilling himself into the condom as his mouth hangs agape, your name falling off his tongue as if it was the holiest glorification. Combing your fingers through his hair you hold him to your chest as he collapses on top of you, his head lying on your naked chest as you both try to catch your breath in the sudden silence that came over you without the sounds of your passion.

Rolling off of your body he slips out of you, an empty feeling taking over you right away, but he is quick to cradle you into his arms to keep the intimacy. You lay your head to his chest, a thin layer of sweat covering the both of you, but you couldn’t care less. You listen to his steady heartbeat as you draw one of the swallows on his chest with your finger, running it over the lines of the ink. You want to soak in the moment and stay in it for as long as possible, but you can barely keep your eyes open. As Harry’s fingers are gently running up and down your bare back you let your eyes close and the last thing you remember is hearing his soft whisper.

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll keep you safe.”

You wake up without an alarm in the morning and it’s the first time for that in a long-long time. You stir and groan before you open your eyes, your hands reaching out next to you, looking for the man that was next to you when you fell asleep, but there’s nothing and no one beside you now.

Panic rises in your chest as your eyes pop open and you frantically look around in the room, hoping to see him somewhere near, but you’re alone.

“Harry?” you call you as you sit up, holding the sheets to your chest since you’re still naked. No answer comes and you can feel your heart rate rising instantly.

Getting out of bed you grab the nearest clothing item you find which is an old hoodie, and you put on a pair of clean panties before you carefully walk out of the bedroom, afraid of what you might find outside, but it’s completely silent and still, no one is around. Harry has left.

“Fuck,” you breathe out, feeling the lump in your throat growing as tears are forming in your eyes.

Where did he go? Why did he leave? Is he coming back? Is he gone forever?

You can’t stop yourself from going into depth you shouldn’t, just because you don’t find him first thing in the morning, but you still haven’t entirely recovered from last night’s events and before you could stop yourself, you are thinking about the worst possibilities there could be.

And then you hear the lock turning in the front door.

Blood rushes out of your head as you freeze, afraid it’s another attacker and this time you won’t be as lucky as you were last night. But as the door opens Harry walks in with a paper bag in his arm and you can’t help, but start sobbing at the sight of him.

“Harry!” you cry out, launching at him and he barely have time to put the bag down before he catches you, locking you in his strong arms.

“Hey! No need to worry, it’s just me!” he soothes softly, his hands running up and down your back and head. “I’m sorry I scared you, just wanted to get you something to eat, baby,” he murmurs, kissing the side of your head as you try your best to hold back your sobs.

“I just woke up alone and I thought…”

“I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have left while you were sleeping. But I’m back and I’m alright.”

You just nod, hugging him a little longer before you loosen your hold around him to lean back and look him in the eyes.

“So… you’re staying? With me?”

“If you want me to, yes,” he nods with a soft smile as he cups your tear-soaked face in his hands. “I’ll keep you safe and sound and I’ll be whatever you need me to be.”

“Just be yourself and… be with me,” you shyly ask him and he nods, his smile growing into a wide grin before he leans down and captures your lips in a sweet, intoxicating kiss.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[chefrat]

Liar, Liar, Pants on fire

pairings: Cheater!Oikawa X Reader, Iwaizumi X Reader

type: im not sure, first date??

word-count: 3.9k

warnings: cursing, mentions of cheating

A/N: I haven't been sleeping well so I’m reeeaaallly tired but here's something thats really bad written but I felt like I should post to not lose the habit so yea :////// I hope its ok, I could of definitely ended it better and maybe I’ll rewrite it one day but I just felt like finishing it in one night when while I’m my worst. Stuff at home have also not been at all pretty, lots of arguing that have nothing to do with me. oh im so tired :((( I really wish it was easy to sleep 

______________

You weren’t sure of what you were going to say or even do but the way Oikawa’s eyes widened and the way his hand pushed her off was enough to let you know he was being unfaithful. But your decision had been final on leaving him weeks ago. One might think you were jumping to conclusions but when you noticed them walking together, hand in hand for the last couple of minutes it was enough to let you know what was going on. Not only that but not only were they giggling to each other, sharing loving pecks but just the way the both were standing so close told so much about their relationship. Iwaizumi was also kind enough to let you know a while ago, he knew telling you would be like betraying his best friend but he couldn’t hold back knowing that it was all wrong. To be honest, you couldn’t help but feel relief about the cheating taking Iwaizumi by surprise. You were thinking of ways to lay it on Oikawa, trying to figure out ways to end things with the setter but none of it ever felt right. 

“How long has he been… you know?” Iwaizumi sighed, shifting on the bench you both shared. 

“I don’t know. I figured it out just a week ago, thought I’d tell you before it could go any longer.” He looked over at you, it was obvious he cared about you. He has always cared about you, thats what friends do. Care for each other. Though, some people could say he cared a little bit too much. 

“Thank you…it’s ok. I’ll talk to him, stuff happens.” You shrugged your shoulders but Iwaizumi sat in silence, waiting. He was waiting to comfort you if you cried, or even hold you if all you needed was just a hug. That’s how he always received you, with open arms and a shoulder to cry on. 

“Why aren’t you upset? Don’t tell me you’re going to forgive that shit for brains boyfriend of yours. Please, You deserve way better.” His hand went to grab yours and you let his warmth come in contact with your own freezing hand. Iwaizumi’s grip on your hand never easing, begging you with his touch to not go back to his best friend.

“God, no. It’s just… you know how sometimes you lose feelings for someone and you can’t really explain it. Don’t get me wrong, sure it hurts and I still care deeply for him but romantically. Romantically my feelings changed, Iwa.” 

“It’s not what it looks like.” Oikawa grinned, trying to save face, he took long strides towards you. You frowned, shaking your head at him making him stop on his tracks. “I know what it is. Just don’t make a scene, please. We can talk later.” He was confused, maybe even a little mad that you had asked him to not make a scene. He could only watch you walk away as his other girlfriend stood a few feet away, waiting until the coast was clear. The way she grabbed onto his arm to take his attention away made his stomach twist. Oikawa couldn’t help but feel sick, the wave of nausea hitting him harder and harder each step you took away from him. “I’m gonna go home, I’ll call you later.” She looked at him confused, not wanting to leave him just yet. Especially not now when he’s feeling so vulnerable after seeing you. 

- 

It had been a week after Oikawa had been caught with his second girlfriend by you and just a few days after having a talk with him. The both of you were mature about it, talking through your problems and even forgiving him but breaking up in the process. You still shared the same friends, the same class, and the same best friend. Iwaizumi thanked you mentally for not  saying anything to Oikawa about him coming to you and letting you know about his unfaithfulness. The three of you still tried to at least save the friendship, even if it felt pretty awkward to Oikawa. He couldn’t help but just feel like there was something wrong, the way you dismissed it all, it almost felt like you were eager to break up with him. Eager to get away from him so fast. 

Your laugh took him out of his train of thoughts, he looked over to you sitting next to a sweating Iwaizumi. His own sweat rolled down his back. You would always stay back during their practice, thats how close the three of you were.

Lately it seemed like you were only close to one of them though. He couldn’t blame you, he practically ruined all sorts of relationships with you. Even his own friend had way more courage to call him out on his bullshit. The way you reacted towards the cheating, it just didn’t make him feel good. At all. Was he being an asshole if he expected you to at least cry, maybe yell at him or even try to argue? ‘Just don’t make a scene, please’ maybe he did want to make a scene. He couldn’t do that to you, right? Unfortunately, word got out own how the relationship ended and it was already enough humiliation for the both of you. Making a scene would just make it all types of worse. 

Oikawa made it towards where the both of you sat, his cocky grin on display. It faltered once he took in the conversation between his best friend and ex-girlfriend. “I’ll walk you home then.” Iwaizumi said, pinching the skin on your elbow making you swat his hand away with a giggle. Walking home was usually Oikawa’s doing, especially while he was your boyfriend. So why now were you asking Iwaizumi, or did he offer? 

The conversation died down once he took his seat next to his best friend without saying a word. It almost felt like you guys were purposely excluding him from your guys conversation or even keeping secrets with each other. He couldn’t help but feel paranoid by the way you both acted alone and around him. Even though he had no right to feel jealous, he just couldn’t help himself. 

“You’re walking her home? I thought we were going to hangout after practice.” Oikawa frowned towards his friend, making him tense in his seat. “Sorry, it just gets really dark nowadays. I can’t have her walking home alone.” 

He smiled, letting his own personal feelings get the best of him. “I’ll come with you guys then!” 

And it went on like that for a while. Always including himself and sometimes even receiving annoyed looks from his own best friend. Oikawa wasn’t dumb, he knew there was at least a little something happening with the both of you but he was in no place to say anything. Or at least thats how Iwaizumi thought of it. Trying to get close to your best friends ex-girlfriend sounds horrible but when he cheats on her, it cancels out the horribleness of it, right? The only way Iwaizumi could get closer to you without Oikawa butting in was with late night talks. It was something the both of you looked forward to. Sometimes he’d be way too tired to keep up conversation but he would fight through it for you.  

“So, what do you say? Do you want to?” Iwaizumi asked, laying on his back. He held his phone up to his ear while he used his other hand to rub his neck, massaging out a sore area from practice. 

You giggled nervously, laying on your back as well on your bed and staring up at your ceiling. Your heart thumping against your ribcage almost as if it would jump out. He made you nervous, but a good nervous. The type of feelings you once had for Oikawa, but a little more stronger, and a whole lot more honest. “I’d love to.” 

It sounded as if something fell through the phone, probably something he had hanging up that didn’t hold on anymore but instead it was a very excited Iwaizumi who had rushed off of their bed, and accidentally kicking his nightstand sending his clock flying off in the process. He hissed at the pain he felt on his foot but also silently cheered hearing you agree to his date for the upcoming weekend. “Are you okay?” You giggled again making him blush. “Yea, sorry. I just got a little too excited.” Again with the butterflies, you smiled. 

“Be careful, I want you in one piece for when we finally go out.” He blushed even harder at your words, you really did have a strong affect on him. Iwaizumi’s phone started to vibrate from an incoming call, he pulled his phone from his ear and mumbling a quick ‘give me a second’ to you as he went to go check the caller id. 

He frowned, Oikawa. 

“Can I call you back? Oikawa’s calling me right now…” The brunette could hear you sigh. Oikawa seemed to have a sixth sense for whenever Iwaizumi tried to spend some time with you alone, even through a phone call.  

“Ok, be safe and goodni-“ 

“No, I changed my mind. He can wait, I rather talk to you.” Iwaizumi said, cutting you off. If only he could see you now, a smile on your face and blushing. The conversation continued on even when Oikawa wouldn’t quit on calling but all Iwaizumi could do was send him to voicemail. Six times to voicemail and he still couldn’t get the hint that he was busy. But he was too focused on you to care about what Oikawa was so desperate to talk to him about. 

He couldn’t help but feel happy whenever you would talk about your day even though he had mostly spent half of it with you. Even more happy when you kept reminding him about the date and trying your best to get information out of him on where he was going to take you. You felt warmth in your chest when you got to hear him stammer with his own words whenever you knew you made him nervous with your questions. 

“Is he still calling you? Maybe you should answer him.” It could have been an emergency or maybe it was just him being annoying Iwaizumi thought, but he knew he should at least see what was wrong. 

“Yea, I will. I’m sorry, I’ll see you tomorrow?” He sighed, still not ready to let go of the lovely conversation the both of you were having. 

“Yes. Goodnight, I hope you sleep well. ” You gave him a final giggle before ending the call making his heart thump just a little harder. 

Iwaizumi slumped on his bed with a groan, dialing Oikawa to check up on him. It didn’t take long for him to pick up, two rings and he could already hear the sigh of relief leave his best friend. “Iwaaa~, you had me so worried. What was so important that kept you away from me for so long? Hmm?” He couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty, he could’ve of at least sent him a message about how he wouldn’t be able to answer the phone for a while. Or was the guilt from spending the last two or so hours talking to his best friends ex-girlfriend and asking her on a date. 

“Sorry, got caught up with something. What’s up?” He looked over to his nightstand to check the time on his clock but soon realized it was on the floor. The memory coming back and making him smile. 

“Oh nothing, I was just wondering…you wouldn’t lie to me right?” And the pleasure was over, he tensed hearing the question but why? It’s not as if you were cheating on Oikawa when in reality it was him who did the cheating. 

“Of course not. What are you thinking so much about thats got you asking stuff like that?” Oikawa sighed, biting his lip and staring off to his ceiling. 

“Does she ever say anything about me? I know the both of you are close so I’m just wondering. She wasn’t even crying when she saw me with (gf name), do you know what she told me that night? ‘don’t make a scene’. Can you believe that?” Iwaizumi furrowed his brows, bothered by the way his friend was acting so childishly. Why was he so determined to see you hurt, was he that desperate to make you cry? 

“Oikawa, just drop it. You cheated, you’re the bad guy in this situation and you still ended up with the girl you cheated on your own girlfriend with! Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe the reason why she wasn’t so hurt by it was because she was already over you?” Seconds passed of pure silence. The only thing Iwaizumi could hear was his friends steady breathing. His brow twitched anxiously, awaiting for an answer. “Did she tell you that?” He rolled his eyes, gripping his phone. 

“She didn’t have to.” He mumbled making him receive a scoff from Oikawa. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Oikawa grumbled, annoyed at his unsupportive friend but again, he was just asking for too much from him.  

“It means that you should really be thankful that she values your friendship that she overlooked you cheating on her and that you should really just drop it. Please.” Silence again. He reached over towards where his clock was at on the ground, picking it up and placing it back on his nightstand. “I guess you’re right. I just can’t help but wonder. She was my girlfriend for a while, the least she could do is cry a little.” 

“Why are you such a dick?” Oikawa choked on his spit, getting caught off guard by the question. 

“Excuse me? Iwa, where’s this behavior coming from… did she actually cry? Like only with you?” Iwaizumi huffed in annoyance, the red button tempting him to end the call. 

“I don’t know, I’m just really tired from practice. See you tomorrow, k?” 

“But Iwa-“ And with that he ended the call, readying himself for bed and to face Oikawa tomorrow. But he smiled, thinking about how he was going to see you too. The way you were able to flip his whole mood and instantly put a smile on him, he really did like you. Iwaizumi looked down to his vibrating phone, it was Oikawa again. The guilt came back, it wasn’t for hanging up on him but more on always crushing on his best friends ex girlfriend.

Oikawa groaned into his pillow, frustrated and feeling as if both of his closest friends were shutting him. He didn’t know who else to go to or ask. You weren’t exactly friends with anyone, you kept your circle small and usually never vented to anyone but Iwaizumi. The vibration he felt on his bed made him snatch his phone with an unexplainable speed, hoping it was you or even Iwa with some answers. Instead it was his girlfriend wishing him a goodnight but Oikawa didn’t even bother to read the whole message. 

-

It was Sunday and Iwaizumi was still in the shower after getting in just about an hour ago. The date wouldn’t be until later in the evening and it was only morning but his anxiety ended up getting to him. Urging him to start getting ready at such early hours. You couldn’t help but do the same thing, thrashing your room and scattering clothes everywhere that you pulled from your closet while trying to find the best outfit for Iwaizumi. 

He could hear his phone buzzing again making him pull the curtain back slightly to check the caller id. It was Oikawa again but too bad Iwaizumi was too busy scrubbing his body clean for the fifth time. Anyways, it was Sunday and just around eleven in the morning, he would understand if Iwaizumi just said he slept in and missed his calls. But the buzzing wouldn’t stop, Iwa grumbled while turning the water off and hearing his own mom knocking on the door, asking him if he was okay. 

Iwa was quick to dry himself, he sat on his bed watching the clock on his nightstand. Why was time going by so slow? Normally he was a patient man but he was just way too eager to hangout with you. He’d do anything to make time speed up just a little. For you, you wished you had gotten up earlier. You still couldn’t decide on what to wear, your room a whole mess and you still hadn’t showered. Until when you finally decided on something simple, nothing that wasn’t too much nor too relaxed. But you couldn’t help but frown, Iwa never gave you a hint on where he was going to take you or even told you if it was going to be cold or not. With a groan, you neatly folded your outfit and put it on a spot on your bed before practically running to the bathroom to shower even though you still had over five hours to get ready. 

He slowly dressed to be able to pass some time starting with his socks, and so on with a pair of fresh gym shorts and black t-shirt. Iwa decided on wearing casual clothing and not his chosen outfit until it was time for him to go so there wouldn’t be a way for him to get it dirty in away way and ruin it. Glancing at the clock, he laid on his bed. It was just around noon, almost hitting one. With a sigh, he picked up his phone and scrolling through his socials to pass time. He turned on his tv and let it run as background noise to keep him at least a bit distracted. Not before putting an alarm for an hour before walking to your house so he could properly get dressed.

You huffed trying to get your eyeliner done, even just the minimum to at least show him that you were trying. With a steady hand you were able to complete the left eye. Smiling, you looked at yourself in the mirror. ‘Ok, I think it looks okay-ish enough’ you though to yourself, looking down to your phone and seeing the time being four, almost time for your date with Iwaizumi. The pink chapstick stained your lips just a tad bit while it worked as a hydrator as well, just a little something you wanted to add. Your phone vibrated with a notification, it was Iwaizumi. You couldn’t help the smile that the name on the screen brought to your face. The tip of your finger swiped the notification and reading it to yourself out loud. “Hi, If you're by any chance ready would it be ok to go pick you up now? No pressure xx.” You weren’t the only one eager, it helped you feel more at ease. Your fingers typing up a response were unfortunately interrupted from another message notification, this time from Oikawa but you simply ignored it, not even bothering to read what he had to say, much more focused on going on your first date with Iwaizumi. 

Hearing you giggle made Iwaizumi’s cheeks tint to a shade of light pink, he was outside your door and holding a bouquet of flowers that unintentionally matched with your outfit. It was simply pure kismet. “Are those for me?” He couldn’t ignore the sparkling look in your eyes when you asked so he just smiled, handing them to you. “Pretty flowers for a pretty girl.” It was now your turn for your cheeks to flush at his compliment. You happily accepted them, excusing yourself for a minute to place them in an empty vase and then returning to him, closing the door behind you in the process. 

The both of you walked hand in hand toward a small coffee shop that the both of you were familiar with. “I still have somewhere else I wanna take you, not just for coffee.” He said with a smile and a squeeze to your hand. 

“Ohh where else then?” You pressed, trying to get it out him. 

“It’s a surprise, don’t worry about it.” Iwa looked over to you the smile still standing proudly on his face. Just happy to be with you after so long. 

-

You couldn’t help but smile, finally seeing to where he was taking you. It was the most recent restaurant that had opened up in your area, he was taking you out to dinner. Perfect timing as well, you did start to feel a little hungry after the small cup of coffee you had just about an hour ago. “I know it’s not much but I know how much you like Italian and well-“ You quickly cut him off with a kiss on the cheek making him look down at you in surprise. He felt the warmth in his chest start up again, you were just too cute. 

“Going anywhere to eat with you is already a perfect date, but the Italian food is for sure a plus.” Still having his hand in yours, you made sure to keep walking even while he still was a little shocked from the peck on the cheek. You giggled, pulling him closer to you by the hand. “What? Want another one?” Iwaizumi only nodded but this time taking charge as he gently placed his free hand on your cheek and pressing a soft kiss to your lips. He couldn’t help the smile that broke out on his face, contagious enough to cause you to smile too. You teasingly let your wet tongue swipe against his bottom lip making him pull away with a furious blush. 

“Easy now.” Iwa mumbled, readjusting his posture and scanning the not-so-busy street to see if any creep had been lingering for too long. Just something to distract him from his first kiss with you because he was sure that he wouldn’t be able to hold back on the kissing if you tried the tongue trick again.

You laughed at his words but continued on into the restaurant. A very warm atmosphere came over the both of you, you really did enjoy his company. He made you happy, the way he holds your hand and the way he would look into your eye. It was definitely worth it to wait for the weekend. Iwaizumi thought so too, he would make it his personal goal to show just how much he cared about you and to do way better than Oikawa ever could. Even though that was his closest friend, he still could not let it slide on how trashy he was for being a cheater. The both of you were greeted by a wonderful waiter, following quickly behind them to the table nearest to a corner, somewhere more secluded but not so much. 

Dinner passed by fast but neither of you could bring up what the both of you were dreading, the end of the date. Instead you kept him distracted with memories you shared with him from school, making him smile every time you would get way into detail. He loved hearing you talk about certain memories you had of him, things he had kept to himself thinking that no one would remember and that surprised him when you had a perfect memory. The guilty feeling in him slowly dying out with every little conversation you had with him. But it soon returned when he received a message notification from Oikawa. 

‘How’s the date with (Y/n)? I thought you said you wouldn’t lie to me, Iwa…”

(not edited)

[fatgothgf]

adhd struggle post below the cut feel free to ignore

my problem this weekend seems to have been... im upset because i cant work on sewing projects because i need to go to joanns to get thread, but i told myself i wouldnt go until monday because i also have to get some blood labs done and the drs office is 5 min away from a joanns. so i Have to do those two things at the same time, but obviously the drs office isnt open on the weekend. but i didnt want to do anything else so i just broke down because i didnt know how to cope with not working for the whole weekend. and i HAVE to do them monday bc i have a bill due and dont have enough in my bank account so i need to go to my atm. but then sunday came around and i knew i didnt feel like leaving the house the next day so i got even more fucked up bc its one more day i wont be able to sew and if i didnt manage to at least leave the house id be late to pay a bill. so then i got upset about everything else in the entire world.

but today when i woke up i managed to break all that up into digestible chunks. i separated all the shit i tacked onto the Must Do Monday list into things i feel like i can do today, which was going to my atm and showering so tomorrow i can leave early and do the blood stuff and go to joanns before my therapy appointment in the afternoon. and ill only have to get dressed and do my makeup once for both things cuz now theyre both tuesday. and i scraped together some laundry tasks to make me feel useful today. so i guess i salvaged it.

it just sucks that such a small issue turns into a full blown boo hoo i wanna die episode. it only lasted a bit so i cant complain i guess. im just so fuckin tired of feeling like the slightest mishap in my schedule is a horrendous tragedy in my life