#and it pisses me off so bad bc it's not even that they just hurt or whatever like if i keep using them when tehyre mad at me
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shaanks · 3 days ago
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every time you speak of shanks an angel gains back its wings. your latest post about shanks and how the fandom depicts him badly... like yes you get it.
I would like to think this side of the fandom, that yk contributes with fan work and shares a safe place, understands and loves one piece's themes and depth of the characters better than well, power scalers for example. Like I'm pretty sure everyone dislikes power scaling because it excludes the themes, plot and characters' personalities and thoughts, only making it about 'feats' and strength.
But ironically the same happens on this side of the fandom with characters' fanon archetypes. Watering down characters' personalities into a few 'main'' features and making them almost as shallow as power scalers do. And dear god does Shanks' 'incompetent' -archetype piss me off. When Shanks is exclusively portrayed as just an alcoholic, not taking anything seriously, bad at reading emotions and his crew is always exasperated with him. This depiction is just so frustrating because it doesn't feel like Shanks at all??? Like where do people get this interpretation of him??
1. Alcohol abuse. Do we ever even see Shanks drunk? Yes we see him drinking and partying (with Mihawk, Makino and Ace at least) but in these moments it seems like he's genuinely just having fun, he's celebrating Luffy. No one calls Zoro an alcoholic even though he is drinking Sake for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But bcs Shanks drinks beer when partying or IN A BAR and Sake in like that one scene with Becks he has alcohol problems. ok. cool.
2. Not taking anything seriously. Bruh. Again I feel like there's more moments where Shanks is serious than where he isn't. I don't even know what to say to this bcs the material speaks for itself.
3. Bad at reading emotions/just incompetent. Kinda going together with the previous point. I think this comes from that scene with Buggy where they were literally kids that just lost their whole family. How was Shanks supposed to know what to do there when Buggy didn't know either. Idk how people can blame Shanks in that situation, NEITHER ONE was at fault. To me he is one of the most competent characters in the whole show. He's an emperor of the sea yet not ruthless and evil like Kaido and Big Mom (or the WG). He handles situations maturely and ends more fights than starts them. Let's a lot of bullshit slide by the next generation like with Kidd and Bart. People seem to love him and be comfortable with him (that one lady hugging him sigh im jealous). Whitebeard pirates trusting him with Whitebeard and Ace's burial. etc.
4. His crew is always exasperated with him/He's a bad captain. Bro howwww HOW. Beck has like one line that's something like "Shanks is a lot" and to me that's just teasing. No one says that Luffy and Roger are bad captains even though they seem more chaotic than Shanks, but again it's an issue only when Shanks' crew teases him bruh!! He has a healthy relationship with his crew like Luffy cmon guys. But ig this headcanon only exists if you already think that Shanks is an alcoholic or something. Bcs I just can't understand it otherwise.
Okay this has gotten insanely long I'm so sorry LOL. I really needed to rant this out it seems... and I could've ranted even more. Ik he's just a fictional character and it's not that serious yada yada. Buuuuut I just wish we could see his character be explored more in the fandom!! I feel like this archetype is just misunderstanding his character so badly it genuinely hurts my brain. Anyways. Thank you for always blessing us with amazing Shanks headcanons. Genuinely like a breath of fresh air. SORRY THIS IS SO LONG SJKFHSK
Okay so first PLEEEEASE never apologize for sending me long impassioned messages I love hearing from people and I love talkin about Shanks (or anything anyone wants to talk about!) together!
I wanna go through this point by point so I don't miss anything so i'm gonna put this under the cut for ease of viewing but for your primary point I REALLY agree. I feel like a lot of people selectively ignore character nuance unless its about their faves, or easy to digest, and so especially people who have already kind of written Shanks off will just take the top 2 surface level traits we see of him--carefree and silly--and just throw everything else out with the bathwater.
Which like. To a degree I understand there are like 70 relevant and recurring characters outside the Strawhats and nobody is gonna put max brain power into all of them, but I feel like there's a difference between skimming a character and totally mischaracterizing them--and then dunking on or hating that character BASED on said mischaracterization. Weird work, to say the least. But okay, the rest under the cut --
You put the points by numbers so I will too just for the sake of organization.
Okay, so, Shanks' alcohol usage is implied in canon to be a dependency issue, but NOT in the way fandom tends to want to write him. We have actually seen Shanks drunk several times--the manga does a better job of depicting that clearly than the anime does but it's whatever--but generally when him being intoxicated is getting focus, it's to parallel Rayleigh, Rayleigh's drinking problem, and the implied reasons for said drinking problem. Shanks has spent the better part of 25 years pretty regularly intoxicated, but because it's implied that he knows things about the world, about the war that's coming, about what Roger saw and learned, perhaps about his own lineage, and the stress of that knowledge is driving him to drink. There is a major tonal difference between the times where he's shown drinking with his friends and having a party, and the times when he's shown actively drunk, but the parts of the fandom who have chosen him to shit all over for no reason tend to throw out both the context of him having fun with his friends AND the context of him drinking to deal with the stress of his position and just chalk it up to "dumb irresponsible alcoholic who is lazy and drinks constantly expecting to have his messes cleaned up for him" which is like soooooooooooooooooooooo endlessly infuriating lmfao.
This one gets under my skin all the time. Shanks puts on a silly goofy exterior and acts like he's too laid back to be bothered about things on purpose!!!! Either to make his friends and the people around him feel more comfortable, or to stop stupid disputes in bars from escalating to violence all the time. Shanks, in generally, is a really kind and laid back guy. He wants to have fun with his friends without them being uncomfortable around him due to his stature or status, and also doesn't want to have to end up fighting idiots left right and center. The fact that he's laid back most of the time is a SIGN of how seriously he takes his responsibilities, both as captain and as an emperor. Shanks will be like "I'm not gonna pick a fight with these people over a little spilled liquor lol" and people will really be like "look he's so stupid and lazy he won't even fight back" and i'm like. Y'all just drew the same conclusions as an 8 year old. Like surely y'all realize how sad that is right?? He's dedicated his entire adult life to being responsible for the world, it's fate, the new generation, and whatever job Roger left him saddled with, stopped a war, stopped Kaido and Big Mom from going on a rampage, tried his damndest to get Whitebeard to recall Ace before things went south, lost his ARM to make sure Luffy was safe and people will just like close their eyes and plug their ears about it. Sighs.
Shanks is both deeply observant and incredibly emotionally competent, and that's part of why he plays things so close to his chest!!! He purposefully makes his public persona a little flighty and vague because it's better for everyone if he's not honed directly in on everything. His internal monologue and thoughts are always apt, perceptive, thoughtful, and compassionate, but as always those things get swept under the rug bc applying nuance to this man makes it harder for people to write him off as a dumb drunk slut. :/ Also the people who put the blame on him for the miscommunication after Roger's death boggle my mind. Shanks and Buggy were 14 years old, had just watched their father figure be killed by marines after having spent a year watching his health deteriorate and their crew fall apart, and suddenly found themselves totally alone in a hostile world. They were children. Buggy was terrified because it seemed like the last tie he had to a stable life--his best friend--was giving up before his eyes, and Shanks was overwhelmed by loss and fear and the burden of whatever Roger left at his feet to accomplish. Of course they fucked up that interaction. Most adults wouldn't have probably handled that very well. Idk what people wanted out of them exactly but whatever lol.
This one is so crazy because if you look with your eyes for even one second at the Red Hair Pirates it's CLEAR that they all fucking adore him. Everyone is always looking at him with so much fondness, affection, and respect, they tease him about things sure but it's always playful and in good fun!!! Benn has a bit of resting serious man face and a dry sense of humor, but it's really clear when he's just teasing Shanks to get a rise out of him, and how much affection and mutual respect is there. And yet there's a really dedicated part of the fandom that constantly writes like his crew and everyone who has ever cared for him is just faking it ig?? And can hardly tolerate him?? Or think he's a bad captain? Like they could have made it that far if his crew didn't respect him lmfao. IDK how they all mesh how universally adored he is by his crew and subordinate crews in canon with their world view because it is not subtle at ALL.
Okay I think that covers all your points!!! tl;dr is I fully agree, I think people are really determined to dislike and misunderstand him for reasons that boggle my mind, and it's frustrating to see lmfao.
Thank you so much for your message and your kind words, I'm glad I can offer a little bit of a Shanks Sanctuary here!!
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aubreyathame · 2 days ago
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the effects (in order) bc @/anoyint asked and even though i wrote what i did it doesnt feel like a great explanation since these have dramatically different effects depending on configuration
we'll start with this sound clip
1. bitcrusher
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this gets the sort of staticy low fidelty sound. already a good start
2. graphic eq
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i kinda just winged the values here. i dont know how to describe exactly what this does, but it makes it almost like a radio especially when combined with the bitcrush.
2.5. (un)amplify (optional)
after that round of eq the volume goes way up so you might wanna lower it. i will say, it will look louder on the spectrogram or whatever tf than it actually sounds. i did not do it here, but i did for the AM video.
3. reverb
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i wanted it to be subtle, but this is one that i feel like really depends on what you want. it was based on the radio play's AM voice, and i misremembered AM having a sort of degree of inherent reverb, but it didn't. i do think ultimately it worked fine though.
4. premiere's eq
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moving out of a free program to a program that is free if you're morally based, this one pisses me off. it pisses me off because i almost KNOW you can do this in audacity, i kept seeing people talk about audacity's built in eq presets, but i just...couldn't find them?? i assume in audacity it has like, some effect that is what eq actually stands for or something? i just didn't find it so i did the first layer of eq because i thought it was close enough.
now, was using tts a bad choice? honestly, probably. tts already has a weird vibe to it that these effects actually get somewhat hurt by? but that's what actually doing the AM voice is for i guess (which i like to explain as doing a growly voice whilst 'speaking like a stereotypical villain where every sentence has something important you're trying to explain to a chimpanzee and you're getting really pissed off because it's not understanding you.' which frankly? probably fitting.)
either way, this all gets the point across i hope!
CW FOR SUGGESTIVE WORDS/TEXT AT THE END
youtube
i spent like an hour and a half making a shitpost where i read the script for the sam o'nella swiss miss video as AM ihnmaims. i should not be given editing programs
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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 13 days ago
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mad at my stupid fucked up hands they should do whatever i want whenever i want and not hurt ever
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berryblu-soda · 8 months ago
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Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:
fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure
ALSO-
*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!
#ALSO DO NOT READ THE TAGS IF YOURE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME!!!!#ENDED UP VENTING AGHHHHH- (<- amongus ref in 2024???? l+ratio) (no but seriously stay safe; im not sure if i should add a cw???)#no but like the cars themselves?#FOLDED-#ive seen photos of worse ones of course lol (ty internet <3)#but we´re all in agreement that if it had hit anywhere else at that speed it wouldve been BAD Bad-#like; severe injury to the leg at least; drivers door wouldve crumpled; thankfully it hit the tire mostly#our car got what seems to be the lesser damage and theyre still debating if it counts as total loss xd#also oh goshhhh#so i usually go and say goodbye to my dad when hes headed to work; i did it that day as usual; car was already halfway out the driveway#my dog also loves to go and she was already in the car#but my mom (taking my dad to work) said she´d need to stop by the store after dropping dad off; so she handed her back to me#last minute descision-#my dog is a small kinda elderly chihuahua and wouldve been on my mom´s lap when they crashed#no seatbelt for her obviously#she wouldve gotten injured so freaking bad if she was there ):#overall feels like we dodged a life altering accident by a hair#i wasnt even in it and im still shook hahaha#i always go say bye to dad if hes leaving for work no matter if im pissed off or sad or whatever#half out of habit; half bc i know anything could happen at any moment and id rather not have been too proud to say goodbye#dammit im crying now hahaha#saying again; everyones fine!!!!! please remember to hug your loved ones !!!!!!#shut up sheo#but oh gosh too many reminders of death as a constant recently#that happened about a week after a cousin died; i hadnt seen him in forever but his family went to our church growing up; he was my age#it was a dull and distant pain even then to hear the news but it still hurt; i didnt go to the funeral#did go to the one a couple days later tho; for a family member i truly didnt know; it was a car crash i think#a special kind of heartbreak from meeting his mom and seeing his kids running around#now that i realize it; as im writing this; i hadnt stopped to process just about anything hahaha#freaking sobbing at 9 in the morning smh!!!!!
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larryrickard · 9 months ago
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i had a dream that i made little cards that say "THEY!" on them that i handed out to people at work who got my pronouns wrong, immediately after they got it wrong. and in smaller text (or on the back) it said "i don't want an apology, i want you to do better" or "don't say you're sorry, DO BETTER" and ..... i kind of want to do it. maybe i'll get some moo cards made lmao
various scenarios included:
me slamming it down on a desk in front of them.
instead i had stickers, would slowly peel one off while they watched, and stick it on it on them.
handing out a quarter sheet piece of paper based on the 'i caught being good' tags we'd get in kindergarten which said 'i got caught misgendering hallie/my coworker'. it would have their name and date on it and a giant 🙁 face. i had them as a pad of paper and would hold up a finger to say 'wait a second', dramatically pull it out of my back pocket, take my pen out of another pocket, slowly fill it out in front of them, and hand it to them while staring them in the eyes.
getting a whiteboard for the outer side of my cubicle wall that said '[days] since i was misgendred' (with a bonus by saying 'last offender: [name]'
i also dreamt that i got into trouble for it because i was making people feel bad and was 'creating a hostile work environment'. i was just like.... okay and how do you think i feel? and my boss shut up real fuckin quick. dunno if that would be the case irl but if that does happen i can only dream.
#tired of the people who say 'i'm trying but i'm going to make mistakes'#ok sure i definitely mess up sometimes too but when it's not even close to 50/50 let alone merely uncommon ............. fuck you#what's sad is it's all people i like and it hurts so much#in the dream it the cards also said something about how i'm not a girl. not a lady. not a woman. stop saying that word to me ...#... in plural when i'm with female coworkers. about half the time i say 'not a lady' and only about half the time it's acknowleged#or that one who constantly posts female-empowering images on ig which are alienating bc it's clearly very binary#and getting comments like 'well it applies to you to!!!' why bc i have a pussy? fuck off#and she'll sometimes say 'thank you for your patience' (what patience) or 'have patience with me' (no.)#i've also thought of holding up my name tag in their faces bc my previous boss had it specially made for me#it's got my name position and pronouns#same boss tho..... he was REALLY consistent about using my pronouns but one day used she/her three times in a row before eventually...#... correcting himself and the next day i told him that really sucked especially from him and he later told me i should have been nicer...#... about it. i was PISSED. i said 'well then how should i have said it?' i don't even remember his answer i just know i wanted to go...#... off on him SO BADLY bc he said it 'hurt his feelings'. well too fucking bad bc every time i'm misgendered it makes me want to...#...die inside a little and feels like at the very least a tiny punch to the gut but that felt like being stabbed esp since it was a new hir#he also said 'ok but i corrected myself' yeah AT THE END after doing it THREE TIMES and that's not the point here#anyway lol this dream definitely stirred up shit unfortunately but i'm serious when i say i might actually have these made#like both my internal email and external emails have my pronouns in them (i had to campaign for this btw so thank you me)#but i recently added my own custom signature with 'they/them' in it that has a link about using pronouns correctly#me#lgbtq#nonbinary
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steviescrystals · 6 months ago
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i’m fr gonna lose my mind :)
#been a minute since i’ve ranted in the tags on here hi hello#so i have this friend who is driving me absolutely insane#we’ve been friends for about a year or so and when we first met we clicked right away and got super close and hung out all the time#we met at work but neither of us works there anymore and it feels like our whole friendship is falling apart now that we don’t#i literally have not seen her in person once since the last time we worked together (march)#and even before that we didn’t hang out outside of work since december of last year#and i have grown very used to having friends that just do not put the same amount of effort as me into our friendships and it’s sucks#so i was starting to make my peace with the fact that we just weren’t really friends anymore#but then a few months ago she started texting me asking me to hang out all the time and she seemed way more like her old self#and immediately i got sucked back in and was all excited to see her again and have her back in my life fully#but she completely flaked on me three times in a row (not even cancelling our plans but waiting until the next day to give me an excuse)#which like i said i’m unfortunately used to but she literally was the one who invited ME to hang out every time#like why are you initiating plans with me and then ignoring my calls and texts when it comes time to actually hang out#then a few weeks ago she texted me again saying we should go to a concert together bc we hadn’t in a long time#and there happens to be a concert i’ve been wanting to go to on the 31st but had no one to go with#she said she was totally in and really excited and i bought the tickets a couple days later and texted her to tell her i had#got zero response for almost a week and then she texted me yesterday saying we should hang out this week#so i said yeah let’s do it but also this concert is literally in 2 days are you still coming with me#and no response! again! so now i have 2 days to try and find someone else who can go last minute bc it seems unlikely that she will#and i’m just so fucking confused bc why do YOU keep reaching out to ME just to flake out at the last minute every single time#like at this point it feels like she’s doing it on purpose just to see if i’ll keep tolerating her bullshit#and part of me wants to just cut her off bc she’s been a terrible friend to me for months at this point#but i can’t bring myself to do it bc i miss her so much anyway and when our friendship was good it was really fucking good#like i considered this girl one of my best friends and now it feels like she’s just playing games with me bc she’s bored#which sucks extra bc last year she was there for me when literally none of my long time friends were#like it’s bad enough that it seems like our friendship was conditional on us being coworkers#but it hurts more and more every time she reappears in my life just to ghost me again like genuinely why would you do that#so i’m really upset and pissed off rn and i have no idea wtf to do about the concert bc idk anyone else who likes the artist enough to go#vent#lj.txt
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belladonnafleur · 11 months ago
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I hate people with dreams because I wish I could give up mine !!
#this isnt' meant to be a deep post im just screaming into the void#im back in the city and there is just this deep sense of dread and I wish I could call my friends and talk abt it but everyone who would#understand is too busy#I have one fren who I think mite but shes busy#I have one midterm this week and im still scared of my prof even tho ik she means well and I rightfully pissed her off last last week#I want to leave the committee I work for completely#I want to leave this school completely!!#aaaaaaaaaaa#I want to go grad school#I also just look online and I wish I went to a diff school than this one#bc my family does NOT have the money for this school if Id just waited and gone somewhere else I would not be in this much DEBT#ik i was in a tough situation a few yrs ago and HAD to just pick a school + get out#but still#I think just. if my life events hadn't been so shit and bad#if I hadn't been in such a Bad place during and after the pandemic id be at a diff school#one that didn't make me feel so BAD and one that didn't put me in so much debt#some of why im pissed off and anxious is lit my fault#I burned some bridges and hurt ppl and pissed them off!!#but yn when u make a mistake and everyone around u will def define u by it#bc me rn#I just need to leave and not come back#or if I do not come back for a long time#I wish I could pack my shit and do the rest of the sem online#the only thing I'd miss is choir bc I love it#all of my friends (most of) are in choirrrr#its the way choir is the only thing that makes me feel good I hATE everything else
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superfreakingmario · 1 year ago
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ok sorry not to be a hater or a vagueposter or whatever but I think if you do not even live at my house and you invite 8 people over to my house during finals week and they stay at my house talking loudly past midnight you are going to hell forever and ever and ever and ever no matter what
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orcelito · 1 year ago
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Well I did my best to contain the leak, banged on the walls until my hands started to hurt, rambled with increasing hysteria about how fucking Bullshit this is, and Now I think I'm gonna go back to sleep.
Because it's 6 Goddamned am. Not even dawn yet. And I have to work in a few hours :)
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gommyworm · 2 years ago
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Tw ed/
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alittleemo · 17 days ago
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listening to 5sos like PREACH i know my mood has been swinging all day !! without you I don’t even know myself etc etc
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kavehayati · 2 months ago
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Man I made a really bad choice …
#just one day and I can retreat into myself#I think I need to stop saying anything bc when I do and nobody says anything and they act like they don’t see / acknowledge it then#it makes me start acting up#I was contemplating two days ago to just hope off social media for some months bc things keep messing up and#dora daily#God …#I don’t know what’s wrong with my head ? I worry that I hit it bad that one time#bc it’s like my brain can barely function properly ? it feels weirder than usually#maybe I’ll just shut down all socials for some months and then just form a little enclosure#bc truthfully the fact that I feel so strangely volatile is unnerving#I’m never volatile#and if I can’t control myself then I’m super worried bc my whole thing is controlling myself#anyways I’ll try get some sleep#idk if it’ll work but#I think that if I say ‘smth hurts’ or ‘I’m having a bad time’ then the thing that can fix that is a simple acknowledgement#of such thing I said and literally saying any nice thing ever#pisses me off to no end when ppl get that so easily when they’re horrible ppl and I can’t even get that#like … ppl I’ve met for one day accomodate for me like I fell down from heaven (they’re too nice and I’m confused abt their kindness)#and ppl I’ve known for yrs or even one yr fail to treat me with any decency what#how they took everything I said into account#like I don’t like physical touch or the fact I don’t like being near guys so they moved and let me sit in the middle :(#see ? it’s so easy#and stupid irrelevant things like that you don’t understand how much it means to me#like I’m happy soooo easily you got no idea how easy it is to make me happy#but idk why for some reason it feels like it’s an impossible ask ? or like it’s an otherworldly unheard of thing to actually like your#friends enough to want them to even be happy ? like if you have the capacity to make them happy esp if it’s so easy why wouldn’t you ? I’m#confused#anyways
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malachitezmeyka · 4 months ago
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I know it's useless to get mad at the dog, she's just a hyperactive little thing who doesn't know how to behave yet. She's left home alone for at least 6 hours every day and she's bored, I can't blame her for tearing apart her training pads or shitting all over the place. Even if I did, she must have done it hours ago, dogs don't get that actions that happened so long ago have consequences and all me yelling at her will result in is her being scared of me. I know all that, I do
So WHY am I still so angry at her?? Why does it feel satisfying to lash out and see her scurry away??? She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, she doesn't know any better. And I don't know how to teach her to know better, I don't have the patience for it. She deserves better than me
#I just feel so.. impossibly helpless#here's this tiny creature that depends on me for eveything. that I asked for. that I wanted. and I can't even take care of her properly#I struggle cleaning up after myself. let alone a dog. and I really hate having to handle her shit#I know it's a matter of time. a matter of training#eventually I'll be able to take her on walks and all this won't be an issue anymore#but it is now and I cannot control how much it's pissing me off#if I wasn't alone it would be easier. but I am. so everything falls on me#I'm trying my best and it's just not enough#and my mom will be mad at me because I didn't walk her today even though I promised I would bc it's the last warm day we're supposed to have#but what am I supposed to do if she won't let me take her outside?? she's okay with her harness but the leash scares her#she just stands there hunched over and refuses to move. and cries#I can't force her. I don't want walks to be something she's scared of#but mom is annoyed that getting her used to being leashed takes so long. she insists that forcing her outside is the best course of action#and I can't even tell if she's right or not. I just want my honeybun to be happy and not scared#I feel like crying. I've been barely holding back for the last hour#it's just so so much#it'll pass and settle. I know it will. but I'm just exhausted#now I'll have to admit to everyone that I wasn't able to walk her again...#and that I don't know what to do with her#I don't regret asking for her. I really don't. I've wanted a dog for years#but maybe the timing of exam year + beginning of the colder months wasn't the greatest#and I started my period the day she arrived. so that.. just adds to the emotional instability#I'll get over it. I'll handle everything in time. I just.. wish I had someone to support me#or at least someone who wouldn't tell me 'well what did you expect? owning a dog is hard work. you can't just play all the time.#maybe you should have thought about that responsibility more' I KNOW. I HAVE. I JUST.. have my moments of frustration#that I wish I could express without everyone. including my own mind. telling me I'm a terrible pet owner#that's all#I adore my dog and I would never hurt her or subject her to any harm#but I'm also human and very mentally ill at that. I'm not perfect but I'm not bad. and she deserves better than that#but we're stuck with each other now. I could never give her up. I'm attached already. so... we'll make it work. one way or another. I swear
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booblywooblies · 4 months ago
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fuck you FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU FOR NOT GIVING ME AN ACTUAL FUCKING REASON TO SCREAM AND THROW SHIT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!!! IM GOING TO JUMP OFF A FUCKING BRIDGE FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU FOR FUCKING LYING, FOR GETTING MY FUCKING HOPES UP THAT ID HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT TONIGHT FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU cant even fucking wish something bad would happen to you because i dont want that AND itd affect my anyway fuck you, fuck you for fucking making me wait up, fuck you
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synchlora · 5 months ago
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and so it happens once more
#i love my work. dont get me wrong#but they have the same problem as any other nonprofit ever. and even some for profits actually#they cant turn away ppl that pay them big money to keep running their business#it happened at the last shelter it happens here#board members and big donors are god i get it#but we cant sacrifice what this place means for that <- would be what they say in movies#because you can. you do.#all the time!#you have your morals and mission statements but in the end you cant do any of it without donations#and good public reputation#and when you make an enemy of someone who is a donor or board member or prolific person in the community#you lose everything#you lose your reputation your funding your ability to do what it is youre doing#im just so pissed#i knew it wouldnt be different but i wanted it to be#this time its a board member / donor / landlord for our fucking outreach program#they took in a stray kitten (which is fine-ish not great but its okay since theyre practically an employee)#they scheduled an appt for preventatives and intake which is what we always do to make sure theyre not dying#then they never showed up for it#then they complained about diarrhea but still didnt make any effort to make it here#then the week. the 7 day long period that we are moving. they finally can bring the kitten in#she is in the worst shape ive seen in a while#raw butt from diarrhea. URI and third eyelids swollen. cant hardly walk bc her ass hurts too bad. leaking shit. covered in fleas#she is in more pain than cats we've gotten that were hit by cars#and she was with a FOSTER. a BOARD MEMBER FOSTER.#im so pissed off#all of us are and we dont know what to say#she looks like she was found stuck in a sewer full of her own shit for a week she looks like death#im torn between euth with her because i dont know if the recovery she'll need will be worth the pain#shelter posting
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yanosdiary · 6 months ago
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Fuck.
#whT if i just. what if i just. what if i just#haha. hehehe. hahahaha. fuck. me.#i blinked. i fucking BLINKED. suddenly theyre yelling at each other.#'shes on her period her emotions are out of control rn'#no you dont understand. thats not how it works. you dont snap like that bc ur on ur period.#im scared. im so fucking scared. what#if she has bpd too. what if it passed down to her and its judt showing now?#yk when it happened i only felt hurt in my chest? i didnt feel anything at all. all that emotional training paid off ig#yeard and years of telling myself to shut my emotions off rlly worked bc ive never heard her scream and cuss like that before#yet i didnt feel anything. but i did feel my inner child crying. i felt deja vu.#a distant memory of when she was yelling and arguing with HIM while i cry and piss myself on the rug when i was barely 2 years old#when my mom yelled and started sobbing and started cussing and fuck#it was so triggering but it felt like my body stopped working. it stopped completely. but like#my instincts. felt. like. it was on fight or flight mode. i wanted to run. my legs ached and i couldnt walk but it felt like i wanted to run#i wanma falk about it i wanna ralk about it so bad but what if i talk too much and ppl see how depressed i really am#i dont want to give off rhat impression. i want to give off a happy impressiom even tho im not#for ronight. and tomorrow. i dont wanna function properly.#ive functioned enouvh this week. ill take a break today and tomorrow.#for tomorrow. ill pretend i died and my ghost is wandering around my room. for tomorrow ill rot my soul away.#ill pick up the pieces for it later. i dont feel like piecing myself together right now.#im so. im so fucking tired. i feel like the only thing thatll comfort me rn is to hug a clay statue of yuuta for some odd reason#ive been so unbelievanly depressed for the past few months fuck i want to die i want to die so bad#and theres not even like a single reason why. i dont rememver. i cant remember. i cant feel. anything.#i dont wsnt to live right now. can i just. die. and then get brought back to life later when i feel ready again.
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