#and it knows like every type of move
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i think hed just have a bunch of caterpie and maybe a metapod that just kinda. follow him around. i like to imagine hes a major pokemon magnet but has absolutely zero interest in owning a pokemon
#mp100#mob psycho 100#mp100 shigeo#pokemon#crossover#mp100 pokemon#and maybe a marshadow sniffed out how powerful he was and hid in his shadow#marshadows hide in peoples shadows and take on their powers#and maybe if it gets a little attached and defends him when he needs help well#whos to say#ngl i cant believe i havent seen anyone give him marshadow#its fighting AND ghost#and it knows like every type of move#and mobbu for suuure likes fighting types#not to mention the way it looks#and it likes to train its muscles too#i love espurr but idk
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Thinking about Eddie Munson who was complaining to the rest of the band about his shoulders and neck hurting post show. One of them convinces him to go for a massage.
Eddie shows up day of and is told to strip to level of comfort and get under the sheets laying on his back, his masseuse will knock before coming in. Eddie has not an ounce of care or shame, strips completely naked. Scars and tattoos on full display. He climbs between the sheets and waits. After knocking and hearing a "come in", his masseuse enters and-
The most handsome man he's ever seen walks in. A bit of stubble on his defined jaw, soft pale lips Eddie wants to kiss, big brown eyes Eddie wants to get lost in, slutty little waist and an ass Eddie could-
He introduces himself as Steve. Verifies where Eddie had said his tension was on the form he hastily filled out. Then it starts.
And maybe, maybe, Eddie is a bit touch starved. He could have anyone he wants, but they don't want him just his fame. Pushes them all away. Only gets close to his band, but they all are busy and have their own people outside of work.
And Steve is just touching him. Rubbing smooth circles into his temple, down his cheekbones towards his jaw. Pressing on parts of Eddie's face he didn't even realize were tense. It's relaxing.
And Eddie regrets not leaving at least his boxers on to help hide that he's becoming hard. Kind of embarrassing, which makes his dick harder- which, that's a lot to unpack right now-
"Hey, relax man," Steve says, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. Eddie can see Steve's eyes dart towards the obvious situation," It's natural. Happens to the best of us." "Does it happen to you?" Eddie blurts out. Eddie wants to shove his face in one of these soft plush pillows and scream, but Steve just snorts a laugh and shakes his head at him. Doesn't even respond as he continues the massage.
Eddie tries to hold back his groans as Steve turns his head to the side and rubs his neck into his shoulders. He can feel the tension leave his body slowly. Feel the knots in his muscles release.
Eddie can't, however, hold back the noise he makes when Steve grabs a hold of his hair and tugs it. Eddie's eyes pop open and he stares into Steve's face, who has started blushing. Steve just clears his throat and let's Eddie's hair go before continuing the massage.
#Steve was just moving his hair and the intrusive thought won over and yanked Eddie's hair towards him#Eddie is waxing poetic in his head has already written a minimum of 3 songs about Steve and is now going to have Steve star in every fantas#Lol yall aren't gonna believe this i paused when typing 'Eddie is' and the suggested was to put 'Eddie is a gay disaster' asdhfdlsl#Anyways this was totally NOT inspired by me getting a massage (I've had many in the past) and this random masseuse grabbed all of my hair i#Their hand and then tugged it towards themselves which...has never happened before and I almost moaned so uh found something out about me#I was just like “OH???oh!��� And then proceeded to melt into the table#That wasn't even the wildest massage experience I had...I've had a few which is why I know I should only stick with one person#Because I trust that masseuse but instead I was like “well let me try the stones they don't offer here” and went elsewhere#ANYWAYS I could see this happening to Eddie and went oh yeah...didn't mean to ramble but here ya go#Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson#Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington#Steddie#Steddie drabble#Jade is Talking
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I think I'm in the "conscious incompetence" stage of being a social animal in the real world and it sucks so majorly. bro what do you do after you realize you're bad at socializing and then in-person interaction gets harder because you know you're failing at it now.
#Robin processes emotions on main#I WANT to get good at socializing#I used to be better and I'm now worse >:[#in some ways. in some ways I've improved (e.g. am kinder). but I used to have more confidence and an easier time staying present#now I'm always shutting down and running away#literally I leave the room and go calm down in my room#I want to learn to regulate that impulse and become a chill person to hang out with. but How#I've been struggling lately with punishing myself for running away (not physically but with like. spirals of self-recrimination)#I think one good step would be to get mindful about praising myself for small steps again. I'll change faster if im kinder to myself#also I think seeking reassurance from the people I'm around more often even if it seems silly would be good#ALSO. a major problem I'm facing is that I am living with my parents. and my little sisters. and I don't... I... it's rough.#I used to parent my 15 (then 9) y/o little sister when my parents were gone and I still struggle with feeling Responsible For Her#so every time she's a little cringe I end up feeling like it's my fault and I'm gonna be punished for it and I don't know how to deal with#—how to deal with it#BIG SIGH#I'm TRYING to become a good adult who can help others rather than just living in desperate self-defensive survival mode forever#but it's so hard bro#and another issue is that I'm growing further and further apart from my parents' fundamentalist brand of Christianity#and feeling more and more incapable of making friends and bringing them to visit me. because I have to be perfect around my parents#how can I make friends if I can't offer them hospitality??#how can I be a fully realized adult if I have to hide in plain sight??#I need to move out so bad. even if I'm lonely at first I HAVE to move out#in related news my seasonal job is Over and I'm looking for full-time work! please pray for me if you're the praying type or just#send me encouraging words#that would help#<33333 I will be ok it's just a bad situation rn
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Hi, how did you learn to draw Steve's physique?
Ohh what a complicated thing to answer...
When it comes to how I learned to draw anything, it's hard to say anything too specific since it's always a culmination of many years of assorted study and practice... but I can try to do my best to explain some of the biggest things that helped me learn, some tips I keep in mind, and maybe at least some places to start/delve further.
(just a little disclaimer it's not like my drawings here are going to be 100% medically accurate.. they're just to illustrate concepts!)
The main thing about learning various physiques is understanding anatomy. Which feels obvious, but I don't mean proportions; these are important, but perhaps more important is understanding the skeleton and how it moves and learning where muscles connect to bones and where fat grows on the body. When you understand how these function on a more mechanical level, depicting form and movement in a way that feels natural comes in tow.
For instance, understanding things like the pronation and supination of the radius and ulna, as well as the fact that muscles can ONLY contract or relax, will help you understand a bit better which muscles will be flexed and which will not while someone moves. It's inherent to the positioning based on the structural makeup of the body... It's not like you NEED to memorize all the muscles and bones, of course, but understanding and gaining at least a passive familiarity with the concepts really helps.
In tandem with this concept is the way parts of the body flow into eachother. Muscles ALWAYS come in groups because they can only contract. Whatever muscle is there to lift something, there is a muscle on the other side to pull that bone back down. What this results in is a series of straight edges next to curves, which gives us a lot of really lovely "s curves" and dents and folds and so on and so forth just naturally occurring.
I would suggest at least learning the "bony landmarks", which are bones (usually) visible on the surface of the body. things like the iliac crest, the great trochanter, the 7th vertabrae, the acromion process... These can be used to help you understand the parts of the body as angles and relationships, rather than trying to remember lengths and sizes, which vary immensely... (since you asked about steve, he can be our model... also study these on your own don't just take my word for it haha, these are the ones I personally keep in mind)
I've done the same thing with body hair... learning where it grows and in which directions... It helps me make up variations without needing reference, because I have a set of rules I can follow.
The biggest thing that helped me understand all this on a much deeper level was my ecorche course. I sculpted this guy. We started by sculpting the entire skeleton to understand the bones, and then we added muscles on top. Not every single muscle, of course, but the "artistic muscles" AKA the ones which directly affect the surface of the body. Doing this let us see where muscles connect, because we would make a shape, put it on the bone where it actually goes, and then you get to see how other muscles overlap that.
This helped me, perhaps, more than anything else. But I also didn't just start with this course, I had been drawing for years before I even took it. I had been in school for years before I took it. Not that I think it wouldn't be helpful to someone just starting out, but I do think that the more you know going in, the better an in-depth course like this will help you and stick with you. Classes are also expensive, though so I'm not really like... recommending you pay potentially thousands of dollars to take one... But it did help me a lot, personally.
I also, of course, have done many figure, gesture, and master studies...
These just help you quickly gain a stronger understanding of generalized anatomy, and gives you real life examples of and practice with of how people move and balance.
What all this does when combined, is gives me a very solid ability to depict movement and form in a way that feels relatively natural from my subconscious without the need for reference.
The rest of how I've learned to draw his physique is honestly mostly just stylization. I understand the body, and this is how I am depicting it for his level of musculature.
And as I move into depicting him in other ways, either moving in comics or in animation, realistically rendered, or extra stylized, these concepts inform every step of that process for me! When he keeps the same/similar relationships between parts, he gets to still look like himself.
It ALSO really helps when putting clothes on, because the way cloth falls and bunches and lifts is all directly related to the form it is on... So the more you understand that form, the more you can depict clothing and movement in a way that feels natural.
This is all, of course, true when I draw anyone, you asked about Steve so I'm trying to mostly show with him! But because I'm just drawing from raw information of general anatomy rather than trying to study one body type at a time, it allows a lot more "give," I think!
Like, here's most of the cast from TTA so far... actually, they're not as varied as I thought they were nevermind LMAO ignore this part
But, it also makes monster and alien design much easier! It's a lot easier to come up with non-human anatomy when I understand human anatomy, because I can manipulate the knowledge I have...
There is infinite more to study in the world of anatomy... The complexity of the human body goes extremely deep. For our purposes as artists, we need only depict a fraction of it, but more information rarely hurts the process.
I'm sure there's something in here that's wrong on a technical level, I'm mostly going off of memory. But that's kind of my point - I understand enough generally and conceptually that when I am missing something and need to find reference for it, I understand what I'm looking at. It's much easier than trying to learn AND draw at the same time.
I hope even one thing in here helped you! Sorry it's so long.
#asks#somewhereinasgard#anatomy#art tips#anatomy tips#don't like... take my word as gospel OF COURSE#I am sure there's like one thing or more in here that's like. genuinely wrong#but whatever#anyways. I love steve LMFAO#I was thinking about zagan a lot too in this one tbh LMAOOOO cause he's got a similar body type#and when I just did that action animation of him#and people were like how the fuck did you do this so fast#I sort of have been realizing all this knowledge I have about anatomy#and how much easier it makes my life pretty much every single step of the way.#those action poses did not need reference.#I almost never need reference for drawing people#unless its like... realism. but I mean in my comics or animations#when the arm is coming towards the camera I know what's going on in the arm and what the form of it ACTUALLY is so I can properly draw it#there's no guesswork. I know what I'm doing.#which makes it so that when I'm depicting someone like flipping all around or whatever#I just know what the body looks like. how it moves. how it balances. etc.#I would say it comes naturally to me but it doesnt.#it is subconscious at this point#but it is very extremely studied#not a damn bit of this came out of nowhere LOL#ok anyways this was a really fun ask#I got extremely carried away I am so sorry#this is like my biggest artistic passion I LOVE anatomy SO much#I love drawing muscles#I love the technical feelings that happens in my brain when I draw an arm moving and figure out how the muscles are engaged
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For the au ask game!
OKAY I wanted specifically to get to the pokemon au from the ask you sent, it's been cooking a bit so it's time to see what comes out of the oven, so... @azol-otl ty for the ask!
Crossover au's are all about the fused worldbuilding for me and speculating on how characters from universe A would fit into universe B heehee hoohoo - and for Batfam especially it's fun to think about the equivalent of their roles as vigilantes! What kind of people have the same level of celebrity, the same sideways seeking of justice?
Naturally this leads you to the gym leaders because a) it's the most fun and b) they are like. Quasi-law enforcement/educators/professional athletes depending on how you try to translate the innate child's perspective on the pokemon universe into something that makes sense as an adult lol ilu pokemon. [insert 'compels me though' gif here]
SO with this in mind, here's 5 fun facts (that are mostly backstory lmao) from a jaytim pokemon au I would write
I'm deeply ill about pokemon so this one goes under the cut lol:
Jason Todd used to be the Champion. He won the role after Dick Grayson quit a year or two before (Dick had been getting older and chafing under the League rules - meaning he'd been chafing under how Bruce ran the League) and was a fierce competitor who didn't believe in going easy on anyone. His Houndoom was a force to be reckoned with, and despite running a mostly Dark-type team, his Honchkrow cleaned up anyone thinking their Fighting-types could sweep. He looked after the League and Gotham with a cocky, self-assured attitude and the win record to back it up. .
Jason disappeared suddenly at the age of 15. Many assumed him dead, after a Rocket (Or whatever Gotham themed gang name we want to go with lol could be Team Joker) bombing in the area he'd last been seen, but he's officially declared missing. Bruce Wayne took back the duties of interim Champion as he once did for Dick Grayson, but he's not quite the mentor he once was. It's obvious he's grieving, and that he doesn't want to mentor any more twelve year olds. Dick signed up to be a Gym Leader shortly after this, returning from his trip about a year early to help out in the chaos following Jason's disappearance. .
Enter Tim Drake. Tim's gym challenge wasn't all that interesting in the circuit at first; he had a rocky start and had to retake a few gym challenges. He wasn't exactly sweeping on his first try every time like Jason had done. He didn't have the meteoric rise that caught the Champion's attention early, didn't get one-on-one mentorship or face-to-face meetings, cautionary advice and congratulations all rolled into one from Bruce Wayne himself - but Tim had patience and grit, and he paid attention. He was gunning for the Championship, and it wasn't just so he could prove himself. Team Rocket/Joker was still out there, and Bruce needed all the help he could get. He was always better for Gotham when he had a Robin. .
Dick had been nicknamed Robin for his all-Flying-type team and especially his Natu-then-Xatu; Jason followed up with his Murkrow-then-Honchkrow; Tim's Rookidee was one among many (Robin-esque pokemon were popularized by Dick and the trend remains through Tim's day) so he wasn't considered a possible Robin successor until it was a Corvisquire and he was about to face Dick Grayson himself, a badge away from Victory Road. By then, Tim and his team were a well-oiled machine (he runs mostly Steel-types lol but also Normal-types for the unexpected adaptability and the 'underestimate my rattata i dare you it's in the top peRCENTAGE--' of it all. FEAR.), and his loss-record had all but frozen while his win-record ticked higher and higher. .
Shit finally goes down about three years after Tim has become Champion and all but bullied Bruce into mentoring him (he basically said 'if you don't watch me, i'll go find Team Rocket/Joker on my own' and triggers all of Bruce's child endangerment traumas simultaneously) and the mysterious Rocket/Joker leader Red Hood shows up, bringing the gang out of the shadows in pursuit of a hidden agenda. Identity shenanigans and "wait is that a Houndoom? But he's only been using Ghost-types, it CAN'T be..." and heel-face turns abound. .
(BONUS FACT: Something something, Jason went into deep cover with Looker or whoever he is, that Interpol guy from X & Y (WAIT. LOOKER MIGHT ACTUALLY BE TALIA AL GHUL IN THIS AU HOHOHO), infiltrating the Rocket/Joker gang and going public as Red Hood is the first step in the last phase of the sting. Cue a million tense Jaytim interactions in which Tim is legitimately trying to take Red Hood down and Jason desperately tries to shake him so that he doesn't do anything that forces Jason to blow his cover. There is at least one 'tugged into a tight space to hide them both from the actual bad guys, "wait, did you just HELP me...?" "Think whatever you want, babybird"' interaction because I am a slut for the first sprinkles of a redemption arc that is rife with UST fufufu)
#did i make this pokemon au actually an undercover spy action movie? yes. yes i did#also their full team comp i will leave to the imagination haha#everyone has their preferences for what's appropriate so i'll name a general typing preference and leave it there mostly#but I will defend Dick 'the Flying' Grayson(s) forever. all flying types for him change my mind#I like the idea of city-boy through and through street kid Jason having a stereotypical inner city team at first#but his team changes and expands as his pokemon journey really kicks off#i always think of that one short from the start of Pokemon 2000 with the inner city tire castle that pikachu finds#and the houndour that FUCKS IT UP LOL#so to me houndour is like. okay it's one of my favorite pokemon (COULD YOU TELL *glances at my banner) but it's a def an urban pokemon to m#so i like the idea of scrappy street kid Jason finding a houndour 🥺 and that was his first pokemon 🥺#so he kinda falls into dark-types in part because of the stigma around them being difficult to raise and him calling BS#and then of course he switches to ghost-types after he 'dies' in part to separate his identity as Red Hood from Jason Todd#but also for the joke of it all lmao look the dead boy uses ghost pokemon. who also have a stigma for being creepy/unlovable. i cry forever#Tim's team i am the most *shrug* about but i do think he has either a competitive team or a meme team lol#but for him i do like the aesthetics of steel- electric- normal- because Tim is the robin with secretly unhinged normal boy swag#he's out here doing the math and making you underestimate him look at his big tanky aggron lol so slow and then BAM#pikachu with light orb and x6 agility x6 double team u can't touch that rat electro ball to the face#Does his wigglytuff know thunderpunch? ice punch? fire punch? good luck guessing he switches its move set after every battle mfer#OKAY ANYWAY#ty azol for the ask!! i love pokemon i have many brainworms owo#edit: had to fix the formatting a bit to make this READABLE. God help me if it sucks to look at RIP#jaytim#not fic#my writing#ask game#asked and answered#pokemon#dc
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Murderbot September Day 2: Tlacey
(Aka “The CR’s Worst Girlboss (Yet!)”, AKA “knockoff Leonide”)
#purple and gold as ostentatious displays of wealth? yeah fine I do not know fashion at ALL#honestly took the visual description from her ComfortUnit#can totally see her as the type to dress CU up like her but not as fancy#her hair was meant to be the CU’s hair but better and fancier and takes the CU 45 minutes to set up every day#also I didn’t want to draw that angle for the shoe on the foot#but I can also see her as the type to just kick off her shoes as a power move#the murderbot diaries#ComfortUnit#mbs24#Tlacey#my art#Fanart
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I went back and watched Fit's vod from today. WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE CALLED PAC PERFECT.
TWICE.
#CHAT MADE ONE COMMENT ON IT AND MOVED ON???#I NEED TO KNOW PAC AND HIS CHATS REACTION DID ANYONE CATCH THAT?????#OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE FIT GOT AWAY WITH THAT#fit was really fighting for his life today this was so funny#'no one appreciates slowburn before!'#'its like a fine wine you gotta let it ferment for a while!'#JUST GOT TO THOSE AS IM TYPING WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL#WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS INFORMATION#earlier chat said 'who are you trying to fool?' and fit answered 'myself'#thats some angst fanfiction material right there#im having an aneurysm with every goddamn dono huevitos are out for BLOOD#becca rambles#qsmp#qsmp fit#fitpac
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you know when you see pics of older people from when they were in their early adult-hood years and and turns out they were BANGIN’ hot. like they-definitely-had-a-line-of-lovers type of sexy. Pierro.
YOURE SO SO REAL FOR THIS LIKE GENUINELY. Like. Pierro is that brand of old man crunchy where like.. he aged like a fine wine most certainly, but its so easy to tell that he looked like a greek god in his youth - chiseled jawline, striking eyes, that easy confidence that comes from a life of having pretty privilege thrust upon you from pretty much the moment you came out--
Like.. i feel like he wouldve looked like the grunge aesthetic young adult they slap on the front of album covers where he looks sunken and tired but in a totally dashing way, with wind-tousled hair (honestly i never even thought of his original hair colour until now. i just imagine it white/grey because thats SO him. i could see it being brown, maybe blond?) and eye bags that look like they were dabbed on delicately with eyeshadow and a brush.
but even with all of that i do also just see him looking like he was just straight up carved from marble with his broad shoulders and the confident way he stands. Like he was drop dead gorgeous, the folks of khaenri'ah swooned over him, most everyone assumed he would go on to become a knight simply because of the whole 'dashing knight in armour' stereotype.
He's the sort of guy you see playing someones grandpa in a film and you're like "wait hes so hot though. now i wanna see what he looked like when he was younger" and then you get mad because HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO GORGEOUS THEIR ENTIRE LIVES HUH. HOW IS THAT FAIR.
I feel like his looks are not really something he openly acknowledges or even really realises - I guess this ties in to my oddly specific Pierro headcanons ((gives that old man a million mental illnesses and refuses to elaborate)) but i imagine he gets really really caught up in the minor details and just sort of passively sees himself as very just .. 'whatever', despite just how many people have always told him how handsome and beautiful he is.
Like, of course he'll thank them for the compliment but in his head he has like 90 rebuttals and genuinely convinces himself that theyre just saying it to be nice/polite/to get in his good graces/whatever. man has imposter syndrome out the wazoo .
I think he definitely aged very finely and gracefully, all things considered, but his obsessive fear of aging physically makes him feel like he hasnt. but to me . old man pierro is the most gorgeous . perfect.
#you know.. people always told me i was beautiful... but i never really FELT like it.#not until i met you.#asks#(trying so hard not to be an old man simp on main)#ALSO a tsarierro idea uhh something something type beat @ the tsaritsa .#like idk exactly how you imagine the narrative but i think theres something really special and unique about them both finding each other at#a later stage in their lives. and instead of mourning their youths and the times they couldve had together. they enjoy every moment they#have in the present. and keep moving forward. (and very importantly age fucking gorgeously. power couple.)#i feel like pierro is a big baby about the whole “we didnt meet until so late” but tsaritsa is a “we met when we were meant to. im glad tha#we have each other now" truther.#tsarierro#pierro#pierro headcanons#general barks#general howls#my writing#the tsaritsa
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This thing I saw months ago is suddenly bothering me, so super unscientific anecdotal evidence poll time.
Context: I got reccomended by algorithm this youtube video of some lady happily showing her feet to the internet to enthuse about the life changing magic of those feet-shoes, you know the ones with super bendy soles and sometimes sock tubes, thats supposed to mimic walking around barefoot? Barefoot shoes? I honestly dont remember if she was selling them or not. She claimed with great confidence and pride, that before using these barefoot shoes and doing some exercises probably, she wasnt able to move her toes around, and she assumed this was the natural state of regular shoe wearers. Then she demonstrates "look what I can do now!" And just. Spreads her toes apart and waggles them. "And if you change your lifestyle to worship these shoes you too cam accomplish this and have a better stride and better idk hips because of energy" or wtvr.
I look at her miracle toes. I do the same thing. I can do it fine? Just. Move ones toes semi separately, flex them?? What does she think is so special?
Then I remembered that actually basically all of my walking is done shoeless at home so theres a possibility I have been following her anti shoes lifestyle by accident.
Which leads me to my poll.
If I promise this isnt a kink question will that make more, or fewer, people participate? 😂
#fly into the world my dear#entertain or horrify people as you will#i just wanna know if this woman was talkong garbage. she was literally filming her progress every day#abd was updating that she has to stop bc shes moving so she wont have the same environmen#which ruins the scientific integrity i guess?#she was like. youngish white woman sporty type seemed to not know or give any fucks about foot fetishists#im still baffled#mine
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i'm so mad i don't have private insurance through an employer so i could get any kind of therapy or medication or anything. tags are a rambling rant
#i'm on medicaid bc i 1. got laid off 2. haven't found work 3. am disabled and verrrry few therapists accept insurance around me at all#let alone medicaid. i've only found one therapy group that takes it but the therapists there aren't very well equipped#for anything that doesn't respond well to the very basic frankly entry-level cbt coping mechanisms#and i have it IN my report from the psychologist who diagnosed me with autism and adhd that i should avoid typical anxiety therapies#because they're likely to only increase my anxiety. so now what do i do when that's the only therapy available to me and i know i need help#what really gets me is that i know in oregon a ton of great therapists who won't push cbt on me take medicaid#and i also have my family there. and my dad owns his own business and employs family. and i need a job so bad#because i need to feel like i'm contributing to the world and that i have value and that the world wants me#it's sooooooo demotivating getting a ton of job interviews but never getting hired for anything on a base level for like confidence#but it also really sucks because i Know i ramble during interviews because i don't trust i can answer the question right#but i know i could do the job so well if someone would just let me. like i feel like i need to beg people to give me a chance#because i'm literally like. that top performing promotable improves everything employee. every time. no matter where i am#and i feel like no one believes me. that no one is ever going to want me to work for them. because i'm the type of person who should be#kept away from the world. idk it feels like humanity's rejected me. and i just feel so sorry.#i just want a psychiatrist who takes my insurance. and a therapist who takes my insurance. and work to do to feel valuable#but there are so many barriers. and i'm so tired. i seriously need so much more support than i'm going to get#and approaching all of this with the realization that i'm autistic now just makes it like. oh. i NEED support. and i'm not going to get it#moving back to oregon's off the table and i don't think my family would be as willing to help as i hope they'd be#so i'm stuck here. what do i even do. i feel like i have nowhere to turn#it's like life's decided it's done with me. i feel so worthless i'm so scared
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If you're not nice to Nyon Specter, we can't be friends, I'm sorry.
#ts4#sims 4#nyon specter#nervous subject#nyon's entire existence is fix-it-fic and for once i am HERE for it#i don't like most of sims 4's tweaks and retcons to existing townies#dirk dreamer my boy what did they do to you in get famous#but nyon was a good move#the whole beaker story was unnecessarily sinister even for sims 2#how do you f up a guy's life so bad that his only redeeming quality is being too shy to say the rude thing he's thinking#and knowing never to skip leg day#i used to move him in with a better household age him down and have them teach him better character values#just so he could have a chance at a normal life#and like now we have nyon at a point in life where we can stop his trauma before it starts#also does mans have a faint vitiligo patch on his forehead or am i tripping and that's just a natural part of the tone used?#i'm leaning on the latter bc i can't find it in any skin details categories#ALSO WHERE TF ARE HIS MAIN BOOTS I HAVE EVERY PACK LIKE THE WHALE I AM BUT I CANT FIND THEM IN CAS I WANT TO USE THEM ON OTHER SIMS SO BAD#I TOGGLED FEMALE AND UNISEX CLOTHING AND OTHER FASHION TYPES AND EVERYTHING#kurage's ramblings
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the consequences of my actions are upon me
#AUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH#<- hasnt been keeping in touch at all with old friends from highschool and now theyre all upset at me and mass DMing me#like#i don't even know what to say#it is my fault and my bad lol augh. just#i don't know#it's complicated#i don't know what to tell them half the time anymore and i should be putting the effort to keep the relationships but#man. i don't know. lol there is no excuse i am just really bad at texting it's not the same since we don't see each other every day anymore#... and one of said friends is the type of friend that always has some negative remark disguised as a joke to say to you#and i don't feel like putting up with that either anymore. but again. ITS A ME PROBLEM 😭#because i havent cut them off or anything. and i don't want to#i just let it linger#also the fact that i moved away i don't know. i straight up cannot see them in person anymore to catch up#so it's all through text#man#i don't know. i seriously think i was born to be a monk lost in the mountains or something#i think it all started because i was not able to go to college immediately after graduating#so i hid in shame from everyone and now i am used to not talking to anybody that knew me back then#out of fear of being judged for being a ''loser''
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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help people are mistaking the opening chapter of my psych horror story about a man getting trapped in a demented game of house with a personification of the US Military's rot for a cute gay romcom about veterans relaxing after achieving glory
#a blue lives matter type reblogged it yucky yucky yucky yucky#they are blocked now but still#That chapter is the part of the movie where the couple moves into the suspiciously cheap old house and is so happy to#settle into their new life where nothing horrible or ghost related could ever happen#zephyr and renard are Literally in a house where they'll be watched Constantly to make sure Zephyr is imparting the Right kind of#normal onto Renard.#Renards a monster. Hes a person who's sweet and loyal and wants nothing more than to do well at the things he is told are good#but the people deciding what is and isnt good are the US Fucking Military. and a guy who is fully 100% aware of the military's role#in modern imperialism and global violence and just doesn't give a shit about that. because thats not His problem now is it#their happily ever after is a nightmare scenario for Zephyr.#trapped and watched like an insect in a jar with the threat of immense pain and violence hanging over his head 24/7 if#he doesn't play his role right. if he doesn't act as incentive for Renard to behave and obey well enough.#he cant even run because Renard will always be able to find him.#and Renard doesn't know this is Zephyr's nightmare. Thats not what his programming says it is. His dear little wife is ust testing him#to make sure hes loyal enough to follow and bring her home every time she runs.
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A house I walk by all the time has had a pride flag out front as long as we've lived here.
Suddenly, the pride flag is gone. Like, not replaced, but the metal holder thingie is completely bare.
It stays empty for about a week and then the house next to it lines their entire property with tiny pride flags.
And I don't know any of these people well enough to ask, but you just know there's a story there.
#my gut says the first one was stolen#and when the second neighbor found out they were like i think the fuck not#and passively aggressively put out even more#but maybe it's juicier than that#maybe the queer person from the first house moved into the other house#anyway I speculate every time I walk by#pride#lgbt pride#lgbtq#lgbtqia#queer#before anyone gets on my case for not knowing what to call the holder it's a yard type flag#so 'pole' doesn't really fit#the first house never put a new flag up either#they just left the holder empty#makes no sense#compels me tho
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stayed up late to play splatoon with my little sister who's on a horrible sleeping schedule rn and when I went to lay down in bed my joint pain and finger mobility suddenly felt so weird I couldn't control my hand (real) and I had a panic attack instantly thinking I wss having a stroke (not real) 😑 90% of the panic attacks I've had this year happened like as soon as I laid down to go to sleep. don't even know how to prevent it other then literally don't stop sleeping and napping in case you accidentally go over 12 hours of being awake and start to decline mentally. lying on back is the worst for anxiety even on a good day I can't stay like that without getting anxious for no reason and lying on my stomach is my preferred position but I can feel my heartbeat too much like that T_T and side isn't good either because I always have to switch and then I get scared.. not to mention how one side is going to feel uneven and make me think it's finally happening...
#the worst is that i know something is genuinely wrong and it makes everything im worried about more likely#when i worked as a dishwasher/general cleaning whatever i would walk for like 8 hours per shift 3 times a week#but every night i would come home feverish and it would last until days later when i was supposed to be in class#snd it didnt end for months even when i got used to it i kept getting so cold and feverish and constantly in pain and asleep i missed class#and a specific type of pain always comes with the fevers whuch is low back pain which when i first got it i was 18#and it made me collapse suddenly while walking down the stairs out of nowhere#thats when my hands started getting tremors and started having issues moving fingers right they lock and dont listen#and now im realizing the shape of my hands is so different now my fingers are so crooked and one finger has an obvious nodule on the joint#i thought it would get better because i thought antipsychotics caused my hand issues#but it just keeps getting worse and if it's like this now what will ot be like when im older#i know im b12 deficient i was hoping i couls solve that and not be in pain and tired but i think that's just a resultand not the cause#im in pain now too my body just hurts it was gone for a while but lately it's one of the worst and i didnt even do anything this time
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