#and it is kinda hard for me not to feel like you're dismissing me bc im vegan. idk. maybe you didnt look atmy profile. its just that plenty

[cdbabymp3]

𐙚editor!reader hc's ― hamzahthefantastic

notes/warnings: sfw and nsfw portions !! reader is hamzah's roomie :3

**for this dynamic i also made reader and hamzah both virgins, which comes up in these hc's and will come up more in the future if that's smth y'all want me to elaborate on!**

chat i think im back .......

(sfw)

-getting constantly shouted out in vlogs

"shout out, y/n, our editor. she's on the front lines going through all this footage for you, slushies, yall better be grateful."

-eventually face revealing by being on an episode of the pod. it's titled smth like 'and they were roomates' or 'editor reveal (real)' idk

-the whole pod episode hamzah keeps looking at you every time you speak and 'accidentally' touches your thigh

-there's so many fan accs on tiktok that clip it and air tf out of him 😭😭😭😭

-hazmah tries to explain the dynamic of living with his editor on the pod, but even he doesn't know exactly what it is (and neither do you)

-as unprofessional as it may seem, somehow it works

-hamzah never lets you do all the work. he always offers to help you out when you're starting to get tired or in a slump

"hamzah, it's my job. lemme just finish this-"

"nah, you're clocking out for the night. you've been dismissed." he shoos you away from your shared work desk that you've been sitting at for hours

-as unprofessional as it is, you can't deny how massive of a fucking crush you have on him....especially when he pulls that domestic shit on you

-when you're exhausted from editing, he'll make you food or take you on a late night drive for ice cream in your pj's

-grocery shopping omg he loves that shit so bad !! on sundays you guys go to the store and hit up the farmer's markets downtown. hamzah gets excited every time, he'll wake up hella early each time he's so cute :,)

-if you're not from toronto or canada, he'll show you around his favorite places. in general, he's just happy to have someone to share stuff with (i'll cry)

-CASUAL DOMINANCE !!!! him being your boss and giving you deadlines for vids makes you blush so hard. he's never ever bossy/rude, but he's firm and technical about how he envisions certain vids and you want to deliver for him

-no matter how many times you run through the final edit with him, you still get nervous

-you're hanging onto his every word and facial expression, praying that he likes the way the vid turned out (he always likes it)

-you loves when he laughs at your editing choices, it's lowkey your goal to make him smile/laugh...equal parts job validation and crush validation 🙇‍♀️

-being roommates has led to many, manyyyyy late night mukbangs

-i can just imagine y'all at 2am eating a whole spread of food on the floor in the living room and talking about deep stuff

-speaking of deep stuff, it took you guys a couple months to open up to each other, but one night you were both editing super late and somehow the topic of sex came up....

-you guys bonded over being late bloomers, agreeing to keep each other's secret, which in turn made you closer

-being the slushy editor (and videographer sometimes) means getting to go on trips with them for vids !!!

-getting to go to curaçao and having the room next to hamzah's in the hotel.... (i'll make a separate thing abt this dw)

-i feel like the fans would love you and honestly prefer you and mandy over the boys lmfao

-mandy is so big sister <333 she's so happy to have another girl to be around at long last

-when hamzah and martin are arguing over smth in a vid, they'll drag you in for a third party opinion bc mandy has given up

-if you fall asleep on the couch watching a movie, hamzah will carry you to your bed or at least put a blanket over you. it kinda depends if he's feeling brave or not.

(intimate stuff, some nsfw)

-the sexual tension in the apartment is through the mf roof

-the funny part is neither of you do anything to initiate it, it's just so natural AND YOU BOTH FEEL IT BUT ARE TOO SCARED TO SAY ANYTHING !!!!

-sometimes hamzah will come home from the gym while you're editing...he'll have a thin, fitted shirt on, all sweaty and tired looking

-you pretend not to notice him, fiddling away on your computer with your headphones on (no volume playing ofc), but you have to clench your thighs together sometimes bc the sight is nearly too much to handle

-shower time gives you a heart attack each night

-a couple months into living together, hamzah gave up on getting dressed in the bathroom after his showers, so he'll walk out with just a towel around his waist and grab a drink from the fridge

-when you guys have movie night and there's a graphic sex scene he gets so awkward omfg...he'll go get smth from the kitchen or make a stupid joke so he doesn't get #bricked pretending it's you and him doing those things

-you're almost certain you've heard him jerk off a couple times, but obviously you're too scared too investigate further

-little do you know, he's jerking off to you 🎀

-you wonder if he's ever heard you masturbate, especially bc you're walls are so thin.🗿.......you try to do it when's out, but sometimes him being a wall away from you turns you on too much

-yes, he's knocked on your door in the middle of you doing it 😭

"y/n!! the landlord is here, she has a couple questions and i don't know the answers, please come help me...she scares me."

"i-uh..shit, ok, hamzah, just give me a sec !!!" you're scrambling, trying to put yourself together so it's not obvious you were literally just thinking about him fucking you

-even though you know it's fucked up, him being your boss makes you horny 🤕

-especially when he's peering over your shoulder, pointing out things he thinks you should add to the video. the smell of his cologne, the gentle cadence of his voice, how his hand takes the mouse from your hand and he mumbles a little apology under his breath....lawd....

໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა taglist ; @42angelgirl + let me know if u wanna be added !!!!!

[snekdood]

idk but personally imma give bessy the working cow a great life and recognize her beingness while also not taking for granted or undermining her utility.

[melodic-haze]

Can I ask about sub Arlecchino being fucked with a strap-on in his office? I love your writing and sub Arlecchino is so... 😩

☆ — DEMO TRACK: sub!Arlecchino x dom!fem!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Mommy kink 😜 aka reader is the 'Mother' figure to Arle's 'Father' ahahahahahah, reader with a strap referred to as a dick, overstimulation, semi-public? It's in her office so

☆ — NOTES: THANK YOUUU OMG I'M HAPPY YOU LIKE MY WRITING ANON❗️❗️SORRY THIS WAS ROTTING IN THE ASKBOX I had to do some stuff 😭😭😭 but it's okay bc I come back with a VENGEANCE

Ohhh dude the thing that just popped into my head you're NOT READY (delusional)

While she thought that battling her own children + the Traveller was the best move, it had kinda very much irked you. "I had trained them, it's fine," she says dismissively at the time when you confronted her and something inside you just kinda! Snapped!!!

If a Father has to have a hard hand on his children, then a Mother contrasts that by giving them a gentle touch

That DOES mean that you are to put anyone who threatens your children in any way, and Arlecchino is NO exception whatsoever

And what better way to punish her than to give her a taste of her own medicine in.. a different context?

One hand grabbing a fistful of her hair as you pushed her head down on the desk and the other clenching onto her hip as you moved her on your length, you're drilling into your lover relentlessly despite the slurred sobs that she had let out.

She had cum so many times by now, you didn't bother to keep count after the third time. Through that, however, you hadn't even entertained the mere thought of stopping, only reluctantly doing so when you ran out of stamina or needed to drink water—it's not as if you let her catch her breath as you did so, with the vibrator you had shoved into her at max setting whenever you needed to step away.

Your assault hasn't relented in the least, no matter how many times Arlecchino begged you to stop, no matter how many times she said to do better, no matter how many times she pleaded for you to go easier on her.

"Why would I give way to lenience when you hadn't done the same?" You mused coldly as you continued to plow into her over and over again, "You deem yourself exempt to my wrath, Peruere?"

You feel her try to shake her head in response before quickly following it up with a slurred defense, "N-No, 'm nn-- mmng! Not.. I--"

You clicked your tongue and gave her ass a loud smack, which earns you a garbled moan from the one underneath you, "You can't even form coherent sentences because of something you initially regarded as an 'unnecessary' action.. but that's okay."

The auditory mixture of her excess of slick between her thighs, your skin coming in contact every time you bottomed out inside of her, the pornographic noises that escaped her lips... It was all downright sinful, something completely unbecoming of her position.

But right now, she didn't care less. Or couldn't, more like, considering the complete lack of thought in her head. The only remaining thing within her mind was you and the way you put her in her place.

And the both of you knew that she relished the feeling of having things out of her control.

"You don't need to answer me," you continued, leaning down to press a kiss on the back of her neck.. before shoving her face down roughly as you straightened back up, "you just need to be put in your place, baby. Understand?"

You actually receive a desperate nod amongst the constant surge of white-hot overstimulation and constant orgasm.

"Good... Just don't resist and let mommy discipline you properly."

As if on cue, she cums again with a jolt, much to your delight.

Wanna fuck her so hard that her juices drip onto the floor and slide down on the side of the desk 😞😞 oughhghghh

There's that RISK of being caught in the midst of your lil session too—you could have it locked all along and while normal everyday Arlecchino would've noticed it perfectly fine, the Arlecchino you have underneath you is wayyyy too fucked out to actually realise in the moment so she's panicking but also? Her arousal is actually RAMPED UP are you kidding me

She won't admit to exhibitionism but there's smth There when she thinks of how the world would know that you have such a powerful Hold on her 🫶

But rn she doesn't care to move, not when her thighs are quivering and her pussy's aching to be filled all over again, practically getting used to the feeling of you inside her

Godddd break her enough and she might not be able to live without you ☺️☺️ or maybe you already have who knows ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️ just saying the moment you donned the title of a Mother was the moment that she was indesputably yours for you to do as you saw fit ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

[chaiifluuf]

When you're feeling down

ft. dazai, chuuya (separately)

content. gn!reader, comfort, headcannons, just them being really soft for you

notes. this is lowkey self indulgent, haven’t lately felt the best and just kinda stressed out but! decided to try to write for chuuya this time too, so it might be a lil ooc ^^;

dazai.

- i feel like he would notice before you even realise it yourself

- as time goes on it becomes more obvious to him that something is going on

- is extra sweet to you and eventually asks what’s wrong bc it hurts him to see that broken glint in your eyes </3

- when you slowly tell him everything, all the feelings that have build up overtime now finally breaking out, he will hold you so close and listen to every word you say no matter how shaky or barely audible they might be

- comforting strokes down your back, your head nestled against his chest in hopes that his heart beat will help you calm down

- would possibly offer you advice if that’s what you want and believe me his voice changes to the softest you’ve ever heard 

- and it’s always sincere too, one thing he will never get tired of is reminding you how lucky he is to have someone like you in his life :((

- now if you don’t want to talk about it and just need someone, he will be more than willing to oblige, occasionally whispering comforting words as he plants loving kisses on your forehead

- also imaging him slowly kissing all over your face to distract you and oh his heart will melt if you tell him to stop eventually with that warm giggle he adores so much

- i’m so certain that you don’t have to say anything or explain yourself because he already understands 

- he knows how hard life gets at times and he’s ready to be there for you whenever things seem to be falling apart <3

- also if you think you’ll be getting out of his grasp easily later then think again ! (dazai whining is guaranteed)

chuuya.

- probably the first thought that came to his mind is if he did something wrong

- and when he asks you about it and you dismiss it with a smile, he is not convinced 

- instead he progressively grows more worried and just wants to know what is bothering you 

- to others it might seem like nothing is wrong but he knows you too well to fall for that

- will literally cancel any less important meetings so he could spend more time with you, his mind would be occupied by you anyway even if he did go to them

- isn’t really sure what to do at first but god he will do anything to see that smile on your face again

- a perfect listener when you decide to open up, finally telling him your problems with tears threatening to spill

- might not always know what advice to give you but what he does know is that you are more than enough and that you should never hide your true feelings from him

- he wants you to feel safe with him, just like he feels the safest with you

- chuuya just loves you so so much and he's going to make you sure you feel that way too

- i just know that this man give one of the best hugs you could ever get, mindlessly playing with your hair as his arms are firmly wrapped around you

- definitely kisses your tears away whenever he sees them :((( murmuring the things he loves about you into your skin so sweetly

- would offer to do something like watch a movie to get your mind off things while cuddled up together on the couch 

- will check up on you more often afterwards despite his busy schedule <33

[suffarustuffaru]

Scrolling through your blog is such a fun experience, you bring an absolutely great vibe to this fandom and I love it SO MUCH. Could even say you restored my hope in it, since there has been some aspects that made me force myself to leave it, and I hope me bringing one of them up here won't upset anyone.

Now I completely understand if you wish to not answer my ask, but I figured it's worth a shot. So, one of said aspects was a controversy regarding one of the rezero characters that made me feel like you can't mention them without being called names (mostly on tiktok, but other social media also, tho not as much).

Yeah I'm talking about Felix. I'm not transphobic by any means, and I'm fine with people headcannoning whatever they want, but seeing thousands of people calling others transphobic for calling Felix a 'he' made me so unsafe I forced myself to look for other interest. Which is funny since most of the people saying this weren't even part of the fandom. I was wondering if anyone else here had similar situations and just.. how do you deal with it? It seems silly, I know, but feeling like I can't speak about a rather important character from a media I love made me so upset.

No matter how much I tried explaining it, they either dismiss it or say Tappei made him a trans girl without knowing.

Now, if you do decide to answer this and say that Felix indeed may have been 'trans coded' a little bit (Did I used that term correcly? Idk) I'll understand (hell, I would probably agree, you character analysis are great), I'm just upset at the absolute lack of respect for any other way of referring to Felix other then she/her.

(Also in case people don't know, their proof of Felix being a trans girl is the scene from EX1, with the whole calling himself a girl in front of a mirror thing)

Sorry for this is being long and probably messy I just had to get this off my chest.. also I hope I didn't came of as offensive in any way, if I did I'm really sorry.

hi there anon! first of all - aw thank you for your compliments about me and my blog. im super passionate about rezero (though thats probably super clear to anyone whos seen any content i make for a while aljsdlkf) and well. ive been lurking about in this fandom since summer 2020 so i definitely understand having to leave/distance yourself from this fandom because outside of tumblr, the rezero fandom is kind of . well. to put it simply, theres a lot of metaphorical landmines unfortunately!! T^T and admittedly i wouldve left this fandom a lot sooner if i didnt stick to my own corner and curate spaces with other people who were super chill (like lots of people lurking about here on tumblr + rz tumblr in general!!). so i totally understand how you feel anon (and youre not silly for being upset, i promise!), though admittedly im not super super familiar with some rezero spaces (such as rz twitter) bc i 1. dont speak japanese and 2. i try very hard to avoid the negativity whenever possible!! T^T

and also i apologize for taking a while to answer your ask!! you're one of my older asks that kinda got lost in my drafts hah but i also just wanted to like. take extra care with your ask bc its a super important topic. like not just to me (though its definitely important to me) but its important in general. and i really like felix so. <3

a quick disclaimer is that i myself am not transfem. i am however afab and most likely genderqueer!! (im winging it as i go hah.) felix is also not a character id say im as well-versed in yet, but i do like felix a lot and ex1 changed my entire brain chemistry. and ill also be defaulting to he/him pronouns in this post because thats what he uses in canon.

felix is - at the end of the day - a fictional character, and tappei is a cis man who doesnt Entirely write characters like felix through a queer lens. arguably tappei is Self-Aware when he writes characters who are into other characters of the same sex (though the Representation is arguably a little bit questionable at times depending on how you look at it), but when it comes to characters like felix or subaru who have some Gender Stuff going on, it's more nebulous there. i dont know if tappei 100% realizes he's made characters that could be read as Trans/Genderqueer (emphasis on "read as", because i support different interpretations of these characters), but tappei Definitely Is Very Aware that gender and gender presentation and gender roles are super important when it comes to characters like felix, subaru, and crusch.

i think tappeis own perceptions of gender and gender roles do bleed a bit into the text as much as tappei is pretty purposeful with themes surrounding gender in rezero, but rezero itself still has all sorts of identity issues to explore with a lot of its characters and gender is a big part of that!!

so first and foremost im gonna be examining felix the best i can Purely Off Of The Canon Text, though i do like viewing rezero from a queer lens myself (and it is arguably very queer). im gonna talk first about felix and then ill move onto talking about my personal feelings on rezero fandom stuff :o !!

so felix's relationship with his gender is complicated and he Absolutely does not fit into traditional gender roles or gender presentation right now. these are undeniable. and if people headcanon felix as transfem thats totally understandable and valid!! but to say a headcanon is 100% canon and that other interpretations of a character as complex as felix are invalid isnt exactly it. for sure. i mean i myself interpret him as nonbinary haah. but felix's relationship with gender is so so so So complicated that i dont think you could just say hes transfem and then Not Elaborate More.

but regardless of how Exactly you label felix, i think you could possibly say that hes trans coded. tappei, even if he probably doesnt entirely know hes made pretty genderqueer characters, is Aware and Purposeful of how gender affects felix and his perception of himself and his identity and other peoples perception of him and this is brought up Over and Over Again in canon—felix’s gender identity, at the moment, aligns more with femininity in his presentation in every way, though he still perceives himself as masculine. felix’s case is complicated, and while im not entirely sure on this i think you could argue that hes trans coded—“coding” suggests a level of intent when making these characters, and i think that intent is present in some way with tappei. because tappei Knows just how important gender is with felix’s character and you can tell with how often and how Integral it is to felix’s entire character.

(more under the cut) (i do have a habit of being rambley/wordy sometimes if. if you couldnt tell already. but i hope this response is up to your standards!!)

these three analysis posts on felix's relationship with gender have all discussed this topic in-depth before i have, and i 1. really like the rezero content i see from all three of these people and 2. they All have slightly different takes based on the canon we have but also some similar points. because felix is complicated!! of course our takes are probably gonna be a bit different - he's a multifaceted character with such a complex relationship with his gender that it's hard to tell what every single one of his personal feelings on it is (especially when at the moment he hasnt appeared in the main story since arc 5 and he still has a Lot of character development to do). and of course fiction is fiction, we can all take away any sort of meaning from a story like this.

but you know. this is my post so im gonna try to analyze felix right now and say my two cents on what i think of his relationship with gender.

so im gonna try not to retread too much on what liquidstar, sufferu, and gourmet of gluttony have already said about felix (and i think theyre all very smart people with interesting analysis posts and theyve all explained their thoughts pretty well) and instead add on with my own thoughts - theres this felix excerpt from arc 4 wn that i think about sometimes. im gonna put it down here!!

and also important to note—like other people have mentioned, crusch and felix made a “deal” of sorts in the past where crusch takes on felix’s masculinity and felix takes on crusch’s femininity. and also like other people have said—and i myself have said in the past—i do have some mixed feelings on this wkdndn and as i said before also i do wish tappeis feelings on gender bled a little less when theyre Not Integral To The Story. bc i dont think tappei 100% knows hes made trans coded characters, but. anyway yeah so thats the whole deal with crusch felix. and in its own right i think it has So Many Interesting Implications!!

i think when it comes down to it, gender presentation IS a bit of a performance, isn't it? like i love to wear dressses and skirts and i love to keep my hair short and wear suits, but you know - these sorts of things tend to be gendered. our gender is often perceived through how we present ourselves, but in recent years gender roles being attached to clothing has gotten a bit less Rigid. but these rigid roles associated with presentation are even more dialed up to Eleven in a medieval world like the rezero fantasy world. and i dont use the word "performance" in a negative way -

what i mean is that when it comes to felix's character, does felix think he's a boy because that's what he's been told? does he think he's a boy because he TRULY sees himself that way, or does he THINK he has to see himself as one? does felix try to present and perform femininity, ie as or like a traditionally feminine girl, purely ONLY for crusch's sake, or is it because felix ALSO WANTS to? what does felix think of gender outside of crusch? who is felix outside of crusch? who is felix outside of tying his entire personality to other people? does felix’s femininity show the “radiance of ferris’ soul” bc of the deal he made with crusch or bc this truly is felix’s soul? these are like the big questions behind his entire character and character arc that would determine in the end how felix identifies in both his gender and In General.

so what is felix's identity at the moment? bc right now, felix is stuck between his feminine self, tied to crusch, a symbol of crusch, tied to his own reliance on crusch and worship of her—and his masculine self, someone broken off from crusch. felix is tied to crusch right now to worrying extents with his obsessive devotion to the point of changing himself to mold into her image, and beyond that, hes still tied to guilt surrounding fourier’s death. gourmet of gluttony puts all of this way way more intelligently than i ever could, but at the end of the day, i think the best narrative decision here would be for felix to accept himself in ALL of his entirety.

healing in rezero is noted to be a kind power, specifically by fourier and fourier saying this right to felix when hes the most talented healer in lugunica, and healing itself is often stereotypically feminine activity. knighthood is stereotypically masculine, and on top of all this, we see in ex1 that biehn argyle twists the power of healing into something grotesque—trying to bring back the dead and revive what cant be revived, which is once again another reoccurring theme in rezero.

how far can “from zero” go? what HAS to stay dead and what can be revived? who is allowed to live? HOW do you live freely? felix is someone born from a horribly abusive and neglectful family who twisted healing magic’s kindness into cruelty, felix is someone who was taken into a family that showed him kindness and now hes desperate to pay them back with everything he has and everything he is, felix is a healer who lashes out when hes cornered and a healer who treasures life and a knight who cant physically fight like the others, felix is someone stuck with the horrible knowledge that he cant save everyone—that some things just Couldnt end better no matter how much he wished for it to.

felix is stuck between all kinds of worlds, and in terms of gender, hes quite literally still stuck between boyhood and manhood in the biological sense—hes purposefully made it so that he hasnt hit puberty yet so he can better pass as feminine. he hasnt Physically Grown past puberty—which is the mark of becoming an adult. and he hates himself in a number of ways, but he also hates himself for failing to be traditionally masculine. his abusive family stole ten years of his life and the torture left him physically weaker, so he cant be strong physically, which is something associated with traditional masculinity. felix is the best healer, a traditionally feminine job and skill, but he cant save everyone. felix becomes more feminine as part of his deal with crusch, but while crusch accepts her femininity and masculinity readily, and while crusch’s memory is erased by gluttony—felix is left behind, alone, still holding onto femininity while not entirely being able to hold onto it while he also cant entirely hold onto the traditional masculinity he expects out of himself. and with arc 3 on, felix feels hes failed both fourier and crusch. the two most important male and female figures in his life.

felix is basically stuck in this liminal space where hes not Enough for himself in literally every direction, and the only way out is to accept every part of himself and move forward by trying to define who he is without other people—his birth family and his found family dont define him. they can shape him, sure, but he has to stop shaping himself to meet them and figure out how to let himself just. Be. and take up a space thats firmly his. from a queer lens, this kind of thing is pretty queer—because to stop being in between worlds, you have to accept everything instead of splitting yourself into halves over and over again. killing or maiming yourself or parts of yourself is no way to live, and felix is Life itself.

and i think regardless of the Exact Labels you could give felix, i think his arc—which is perfectly in line with all of rezeros themes—is inherently about self acceptance and the bridging of the gap and combination of femininity and masculinity. felix is both and identifies, in one way or another, with both, similar to how he loves someone who identifies with both (crusch) and just as hes loved her and fourier. imo it wouldnt be right for felix to choose one or the other in terms of feminine vs masculine—he needs to be the one learning and navigating his honest feelings on both sides bc i think he Yearns to be both. hes a boy who dresses like a girl and its up to him to know if he wants to be a man and/or a woman due to his own internal desire or if parts of that is Only due to external pressures.

--

and alright now that ive said all my thoughts on felix atm im gonna address the other questions you had in your ask!! note that this is just my opinions and thoughts regarding my own experience in the english fandom, you dont have to agree or anything 👍

but i AM very sorry about your negative experiences in this fandom. T^T people calling other transphobic for using he/him for felix (and also people being transphobic about characters like felix or subaru/natsumi in general) is something ive seen as well. the rezero fandom is sadly very often toxic and Bigoted in a lot of ways (with the exception of rezero tumblr and certain segments of rezero ao3, from what ive seen), which is Ironic for a story thats so clearly about love and self-acceptance, which is also ironic because arguably tappei and otsuka and the rezero marketing team (i Love the female characters in rezero but theres just so much sexualized or vaguely sexist merch/moments that dont add to the story, you know? kind of just. misses the point of their characters sometimes.) sort of contribute to it a little bit as much as tappei does do some really great things with his writing.

rezero is the first fandom ive been active in but its definitely not the first ive ever been in, and ive been in some insane fandoms before. like i said earlier though, i think i just cope by curating my experience to what i like, yknow? liking posts i enjoy, looking at stuff i enjoy, etc :O !! fandom is a hobby so i try not to look at negative stuff when i can help it wkdnd. which im sure youre aware about already but i always have to keep reminding myself of this bc places like rezero reddit or twitter get pretty rough!! but its really helped me just following artists and creators i like, enjoying their content, chatting with cool people i vibe with, rezero tumblr being the chillest rezero space in the whole fandom, and its also helped me a lot making rezero content of my own—like this whole blog!! its really shocked me how much people seem to value my thoughts enough to ask me things frequently but i appreciate it pfft. and i hope you guys like reading my posts!!

but yeah like. curate, curate, curate. it helps a LOT and it gets me excited to experience rezero not only by myself you know? not that i didnt have fun by myself but its its own level of fun finally finding spaces to have fun with others!! and i LOVE finding beautiful fanart!! chef’s kiss. and trying to be the change i want to see is satisfying on its own :,) i want to post random shit about rezero, so i post it. i want to make fanart for fun and share it. i want to brute force people into loving otto more so i ottopost (dont worry, i still hate him bc true otto fans also hate him at the same time <3 /lh). i want more queer rezero content so i try to make some more!! brings more personal power i think and its very fun!! and it helps with lessening the quiet despair of fandom toxicity ;-;; (which is something ive done many times and will continue to do sometimes so i feel your pain 🫂) and i promise theres cool people in the fandom 👍 i may reply late to asks or dms but im ALWAYS down to talk about rezero things its so fun 👍👍

and its really really hard sometimes to deal with fandom toxicity especially if its forcefully knocking at your door—definitely dont force yourself to stay or look at things if you cant, bc thats totally understandable!! and i myself have been harassed a little in the past. but definitely having some sort of coping—the block button, backing out of things you dont agree with or like, lots and lots of curating, etc—helps me a lot. and i think mental health wise i feel much better trying to look on the bright side of things!! its MY hobby goddammit!! ill fight people subaru-style if they try to poison it!! and however long anyone reading this decides to spend with rezero and rezero tumblr—you are welcome here 👍

but yes my very Long rambling aside - i hope this post somewhat helped you!! felix is a very important character that i like very much and need to learn more about and i have Many Feelings on the english side of this fandom, but im very grateful to all the cool people ive met over the years here for sure!! :o

also ill probably post the finished version soon but if youve read this far here is a sneak peak of felix art i did recently (just as a reward for once again reading all of my Endless Yapping)👍👍

[aingeal98]

Y'know this is a really broad question and (since I know you're more of a Cass/stephcass kinda person) potentially out of your wheelhouse but I enjoy your perspective on lots of Steph related matters, so indulge me if you will: any thoughts on the argument that timsteph is/isn't 'unhealthy' and/or the characters are unfair to each other/bad partners?

Lots of qualifying clauses in that question, I know, but it's interesting to me because I usually see a lot of staunch arguments that either timsteph is completely/irreparably unhealthy (usually with one half as more of a 'perpetrator' in the eyes of fans) OR that timsteph is exclusively a great romance and that their various ups and downs are either inconsequential or the result of OOC writing.

I think the question is mostly interesting to me bc I see both sides of the argument and to me it raises questions about when things cross the line from "a fictional relationship we're meant to root for that simply contains elements of heightened drama which would be considered unhealthy IRL due to it's fictional nature which we're meant to excuse/suspend disbelief for" to "a fictional reflection of unhealthy dynamics".

This is a lot of yap on my part so again, no hard feelings if you decide to pass up tackling it.

Really good question that I had to think hard about. Ultimately the answer depends on if you mean they're unhealthy in universe vs out of universe, Watsonian vs Doyalist. I'm going to stick to pre N52 only as I think from N52 onwards they were... Fine? But kind of bland. The writers had erased all of Steph's backstory anyway so they had none of their history and were just kind of... Normal dating. But pre N52 in the 90s and 00s is where the unhealthiness is at its peak so that's where most of the discourse comes from.

So in universe I think both of them make mistakes and have certain attitudes and behaviours that could be deal breakers for some people, ie Tim's cheating and how he follows Bruce's footsteps dismissing Steph, and how Steph will sometimes overstep some boundaries because Dixon wanted to write the spunky bad girl pursuing the sensible chaste guy. But ultimately in universe there's nothing so bad that I'd write their entire relationship off as unhealthy, at least not before War Games. They had good moments and bad, and whether you think the good outweighed the bad or vice versa really comes down to what you personally can forgive and understand in a relationship and what you enjoy seeing in fictional romances. So Tim's cheating was an immediate red line for me even though I never thought him evil for it, just kind of dumb. And I'd understand if people still shipped them and thought them sweet despite that. So like, they have their unhealthy moments but I'd be wary of going to either extreme aka "Toxic and evil" or "perfect soulmates who's mistakes were ooc"

This is their pre war games versions I'm referring to. After War Games when Steph came back the writer for Robin basically used her as a tool to give Tim angst and show how cool he was. It's the worst Steph's ever been to Tim but it was also so poorly written and clearly biased thay even from an in universe perspective I can't take it seriously. Everything pre war games I wouldn't count as ooc but this... Yeah this deserves the extreme. It's not even "She wouldn't do that." it's more "Why are you not showing us why she's doing this. How am I meant to accept this when her motivations and characterization is so poorly written." It's like a lesser version of when writers lazily butcher Talia to benefit Bruce or Damian. There's no explanation or motivation for Steph's actions that make any sense, so I have zero interest in that version of Steph because she's even more of a prop for Tim than she was during war games, which was an incredibly disappointing way to bring her back and one of the reasons I'm very glad she got her own batgirl run.

Which brings me to out of universe. Because while in universe I'd hesitate to slap the unhealthy label on them the way I would on say, versions of Bruce that hit his kids (I think there is a big difference between the unhealthiness of timsteph and the writing of Batman as an abusive father, and I think Bruce's dynamic with his kids crossed the line from dramatic to unacceptable and toxic a lot more frequently and more extremely than timsteph did) out of universe looking at them from a perspective of how it benefits their characters I would say it's super unhealthy for Steph. Which is ironic because her romance with Tim and her featuring in his comics is how she became a constant character, but the writing is always trying to remind us that Tim is better than Steph, more heroic than Steph, more suitable for this life than Steph. Only the writing is so bad that, like with a lot of Tim's writing, the proof comes down to "Because Batman said so idk."

And that culminates in the failure that is War Games. Steph becoming Robin is all about getting Tim back. Both in universe as Bruce's motivation and in reality as the writers plan. While Steph is being tortured horribly Tim is helping is classmates as a civilian, and the writing hammers us over the head about how capable and competent and perfect Tim is to the point that I felt nauseous reading it because it felt like such a disgusting way to uplift him. And then when Steph comes back, she's not allowed have any actual emotions or feelings about what happened to her. The writers just throw her into a dumb Tim and Bruce plot without any care about how she would actually think and feel, and the same happens in Red Robin. It's all Tim Tim Tim and only her Batgirl series and her reaction to Bruce being alive actually allow her to be shown as a person and not just a prop to uplift Tim.

So basically in universe they're not my cup of tea but they're not like, abusive or anything. They're just shitty to each other sometimes, but they love each other and have their good moments pre war games. From a Doylist perspective though? I've yet to see timsteph written in a way that actually uplifts Steph's character, as even when she's written by someone who likes her and wants to keep her around such as Dixon there's just so much misogyny in how their dynamic is written. So I'm hoping they never get back together and just stay exes with a past so painful and complicated they don't want to talk about it with anyone, but especially not each other.

Thanks for the ask! I hope this made sense lmao I rambled a whole lot

[noemitenshi]

@marrecarandgi

ok so, the mommy issues: he does have them though i don't think they are sexual in nature (which is also why i don't like to call them 'mommy issues'--- theres always a certain… connotation attached (and on top of that it sounds, to me, like blaming the victim. not saying you're doing it! not at all! Just describing my aversion to that particular phrase as best as i can)).

So what that whole thing boils down to is that he never experienced the love of his parents, that's where it stems from. That's part of why he fixates on Madison so hard. BC already in the first ep of s3, moments after he greets madison, he watches her declare her love for her kids and for travis. "do you love him more than your life?" he asks her and the way he looks at her… like that's such a strange thing to him and at the same time he'd wished someone would love him that much. or like even half as much. hell, he'd take a quarter! It's kinda heartbreaking. He's drawn to such a love and jealous too. Of course he is, he never got it. And then he finds out who her son is she got in such danger for and… is angry at him. Angry that he has such love in his life and just--- treats it with such disrespect (=bc he's a junkie and also bc he clearly ran away from his mom). I think it reminds him of the relationship with his own mom, how HE had such love for her and how she had only disdain for him and for his love. And while he can't hate his mom - i mean i think he does. but he also loves her. feelings for his mom are complicated… but with NICK it's not complicated. He can just hate him. So yeah there's a lot of projecting going on. None of it sexual though, I don't believe so. Explains part of his fixation though. AND THEN on top of her apparent love, she immediately turns around and tries to manipulate him. "My, my son, he's out there, somewhere. Alone. I'm sure if you were lost in the wasteland, your mother would do anything to find you" Definitely he loves the way Madison could play his games (the way she did even as she was disadvantaged, even as she was scared), the way she tried to manipulate him AND also the way she loved, those two things drew him to her. Personally I think he was most taken in by the 'she keeps at it even while she's afraid what he'll do' thing she had going on. Pushing onwards despite. Does it remind him of himself? Most certainly. He loves to draw that out of her, that bravery, that opposition. After all, he likes people pushing back it's attention, it's caring enough to engage with him, not just dismissing him… And I think a third aspect in their relationship is that he also wants her to.. teach him, in a way. Because they're pretty similar - both manipulative and clever, wanting to control all others around them and not afraid to do what needs to be done (in their eyes) - but then! She's got a family that loves her. If she could just teach him how she did that… he could have a shot at that too. At long last he could have that, too! If only she could teach him her secret.

So yes, his family did fuck with his head badly, he's certainly got issues. And it comes out as desperate to make connections, as soaking up attention and affection wherever he gets it, no matter how dangerous it is. He knows full well Madison is playing him but he just can't NOT engage, at least in s3. I'm so fucking happy for him he got over that in s8. How heartbreaking would that have been otherwise… And I think the reason he got over it is because he finally got what he was craving - someone that loves him. Not wanting to use him or someone who merely tolerates him, but honestly, truly loves him. First Serena (I assume) and then definitely Tracy.

--

Now about the 180 he did wrt killing Madison - honestly that's just bad writing in my opinion and having everything rushed because they wanted to do too much for 12 eps. That's how it felt while watching haha. (Same btw for Tracy suddenly saving Madison what the fuck come on get out of here with this shit omg). Anyway, what I could imagine is going on here: he knows he's fucked (chances of surviving this and actually getting tracy to safety pretty low) so he does what he thinks will most likely ensure Tracy's safety. Getting on the good side of these people (by saving Madison).

It's still a stretch, I know, but makes more sense than 'he saw into her eyes and realized bla bla bla' come on! Orrrr maybe he realized her dying now, without anything she believes in is no punishment for her. She *needs* to believe in the same shit Serena did so it really hurts her when she dies. She'll feel like she's losing out on something, or whatever. Now it seems like she welcomes death. She even said it to him didnt she. Something along the lines that padre will be safe without ppl like them around. She wants to die. So. He saves her. (Just like she didn't kill him when he begged her back in s3. she just sent him into exile). I kinda see this one as the most likely explanation. Also makes sense he wasn't paying attention to Madison, just worried about Tracy. Because that's his number 1 prioority.

---

Now naming Tracy Tracy still has me scratching my head and calling bullshit. Sorry, no in-universe explanation for it, writers were being stupid. Probably thought 'oh this will show he really really cares about family bc he named her after his mom' or whatever.

[strapinandstraponyourstrapons]

teen wolf || 1349 words || angst and tragedy is the tag i used and it's true || theo raeken centric || basically how i think tara's death went

i finally got my shite together and posted this mfer

i had to give up on finishing the x years later thiam scene bc i will need a lot of spoons that i currently do not possess to figure out exactly how i want that to go but just know that one day theo will have someone to hold him and tell him it's alright

today is not that day😈

to accompany this fic i wanted to add some of my observations/kinda-analysis of the way tara's death is shown in the show and how it got me thinking about what theo's actual involvement could have been. what we know is mainly revealed in flashbacks and lydia's visions - tara died of hypothermia and lydia says it was because "he wanted her heart". we see a young theo doing nothing as tara calls out to him for help.

stiles suggests at one point that theo pushed her and that he liked it. and most interestingly to me, theo implies that he was too naive to really understand what was happening and that the dread doctors told him that she wanted him to have his heart. at the time theo says this, he's still being somewhat manipulative, because although his betrayal has been revealed to stiles, he still seems to want to convince stiles that his motivations make sense (whether he's really trying to convince stiles or himself is a whole other thing). even still, he doesn't do a good job of defending himself. it sounds more like a dismissal. i kinda interpret it as theo truly believing that he was responsible for tara's death but trying to make an excuse that would justify it to stiles.

and then, there's theo's hell loop in the skinwalker prison. it's never explained how it works, whether it's really his sister's spirit seeking revenge, something totally crafted by the skinwalkers because they like torture and tend to overcorrect in the karmic justice department, or, and i think this is the interpretation most of us take, it's a manifestation of theo's guilt, whether he's right to feel guilty about it or not.

this all combined in my brain with the idea that theo went from that traumatic experience of his sister's death directly into years and years of more trauma, and i can't help but think he probably didn't have time to process it correctly. not to mention that peoples' memory around traumatic events can often be really incomplete, especially when it's something severe that happened in childhood. and i just think, what if the events are twisted in theo's memory?

so here's the tragic story my brain fabricated, because it's a masochist.

thanks to those of you who encouraged me on my previous posts about this fic, you're all the fucking best and i really appreciate the support bc gosh is writing so dang fckn hard sometimes. y'all mean the world to me🖤🖤🖤

[coldasyou]

Hi! I'm a different anon but I've been kinda curious about your thoughts on this..since you've shared some of your struggles with depression. I've also been suicidal now and especially in the past but I don't feel like she talks about it genuinely in this album compared to past albums. Like there isn't one song about it..it's more like things that happened that made her "crazy" which relates to the asylum imagery. But to me it's all exaggerated I guess and idk how she could dismiss her partners feelings experience with it either. That makes me kinda uncomfortable. Of course songs like Antihero and I Can Do It are allowed to be cuz we have all been there but I don't get the sense she actually wanted to kill herself like she's talked about with some lyrics like about crashing into the rocks everyone is saying...compared to in This is Me Trying, Hoax or Evermore. Idk..we don't get a song here that describes how she actually felt or how bad the depression actually was.Maybe The Black Dog, I Can Do it and I Hate it Here show it the most..and the fame songs. Of course I think she struggles with it generally and definitely with fame. I also think it's a different kind than me,that I don't relate to so maybe it's just me and everyone is different. She also had someone falling in love with her at the worst time of her life lol which is not my experience at all and now that is happening again. So it's hard to believe it most of the time and part of why I have a hard time with this album I think and it's been hard to figure out why. Sorry this is so long..I hope it's okay I sent this.

you're totally fine, I think it's important to have these conversations.

it's just all kind of hard to talk about bc on one hand I don't want to assume things about taylor's mental state that I do not know, but I also want to listen to and discuss what she's portrayed and said in her art. like where does interpretation end and speculation begin? especially with a topic as sensitive as this, so I guess what I would say is I think taylor's made it clear she's struggled with her mental health and I think a lot of it has to do with fame. and like you said it's kinda hard for us to relate to that bc well, we're not famous, and it sometimes feels like "why would you complain about having all this money and success other people would kill for." idk I'm kinda rambling at this point, I wish I had a concise reply but I think at the end of the day I'd rather give taylor the benefit of the doubt that she is using this terms and portraying herself in this way bc it's how she genuinely feels. i'd rather be wrong than say someone can't talk about their own mental health in a way I don't like. we are in an era of people using stuff like intrusive thoughts as a joke so I get why everyone is a bit wary of stuff like this but that's personally how I feel.

[imagionationstation]

Hey!! I hope you're having a good day/night.

This is going to sound really funny but I just realized I know you from wattpad!! From a long time ago, when the site was still my main one and then I moved to tumblr and ao3 and found you here too but I just realized you're the same person!

I'm so sorry it's just too funny for my right now.

I absolutely adore all your fics, I don't know how to live without them. The one you have ongoing with Raph being kidnapped it's too good and all your drabbles here are just amazing.

Do you think we can become friends ? I just admire you so much!

(P.S. I absolutely love the game you're starting!)

Alright. I’ve reread this five consecutive times already. Should probably share now…

HIYA! That’s so awesome. I love stalking authors and artists, so it’s not often I stumble upon them accidentally. 🤣

It’s absolutely crazy that there’s someone out there that can honestly make a sincere comment like “I don’t know how to live without your fics” and I’m just, Yes, you absolutely do, you did it for years before you even knew I existed wtshell???

It’s so cool to just be existing and someone pops up like: I’VE READ YOUR STUFF AND IT’S GREAT

Then I’m always FLOORED bc my silly brain forgets how much impact fanfic stuff can have on a person. People like me who go coasting for stories and find one that fits our specific needs and then just gush over it because I never knew how much I needed this author’s perspective of the boys in my life. 💞💞

My stories are the kinda stuff I would be thrilled to stumble upon, which is exactly why I write it. Especially Leo&Donnie content! There’s not nearly enough of them in canon or fanworks or fanart- DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND PLATONIC LEO AND DONNIE FANART???

…I got derailed by my own mind. So. Um. I was making a point about writing-

Oh, yeah, I basically live to make sure that if there’s another soul out there who feels there are gaps in certain areas of content- I will be there to help fill it! Especially recently, everything surrounding 2012Donnie is either content that is far from platonic, or isn’t hurt/fluffy in the ways my heart desires.

I am starving and must fill my own needs. Always happy to do the same with the others I stumble across!

Does It Almost Feel Like Nothing Change At All? is my first try at a plot-centered, but still traumtic fanfic. I love those kinds of stories and I figured it’s time I give it a try.

Plus, Raph is in a similar boat to Donnie. He just doesn’t get enough attention in the instances that I crave. Everything lately is about his ‘secret depression’ or his love life, or so it feels to me.

SO I FIXED IT!

This fic will include a little bit of everything so that his pain can be deeply and horrifically scarring. Because he’s such a good boi <3

Not sure if you’ve found it yet, but I have an A03 with more content that’s not available on Wattpad. Link

Sure! I practically consider everyone who interacts with me often on Tumblr or leaves consistent comments on A03 to be a friend on some level.

As long as you’re able to tolerate long rants about turtles, an unhealthy obsession with the underrated bond between the cool colored bros, and someone who just doesn’t know how to stop writing- then welcome to a friendship that will never stray beyond the realm of turtles until we meet in person!

You’ve already been around for quite some time! Who am I to dismiss a 2012 turtlefan with obviously awesome taste in content?

[sothischickshe]

OMG did you finally watch Derry Girls???!! 😱😱😍😍😭😭👀👀💖💖🙈🙈💜💜💞💞💕💕

What did you think? Did you love it? Did you??? Tell me EVERYTHING 😘😘😘😘

Hey sweetie! I hope you're doing well 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

& yes, I did finally watch derry girls!

I did end up loving it actually, though it was a bit of a slow burn for me! I warmed fast to the characters/tone/setting/comedic style etc, but it felt like the (earlier) eps had a habit of ending just as they were getting interesting??? Idk, maybe it's partly personal preference or expectations, but they often felt v cliffhangery, only without being picked up ever again??

Classic example would be the first ep where everyone's accusing the girls of killing the old nun, which just kinda ends & I don't think that's ever mentioned subsequently? see also: stowaway jumps into the next car's boot WITH the tent James has been put in charge of in hand, or the hash scones are about to be eaten by the whole family (an extremely egregious example to me haha, you can't tease an everybody must get stoned conclusion and not demonstrate it! 😢), or even Erin writing 'parents' on the board a smile is shared...run credits.

I don't even like plot ha, and I'm def into it just meandering along in the bg while the focus is on the characters, & maybe these endings were supposed to emphasise that vibe, but I don't think it quite worked for me. Contrast with say the ending of the take that concert ep which feels like an ep ending!! <3

I do think the eps mightve benefited from being a little longer (or perhaps the writing mightve benefited from knowing how to write to that length ♻️) generally, & the s1 finale in particular was kinda dampened for me bc I don't think the resolution to the clare-Erin fight feels entirely earned? I totally respect the show choosing to not make Clare's sexuality a source of dramz (& the fact that it won't be amongst their milieu is kinda foreshadowed by everyone's disappointment @ everyone else re their supposed homophobia twds James), but I think this ep needed a liiiiiiil more space for the topic considering how dismissive erin is to clare immediately. (plus, doesn't erin kinda out clare to others eg Mary in discussing this...?)

I feel like the writing got a lot more intricate as the show went on tho! 🤩 eg I remember being struck by the haunt-y ep where James gets hit by the van & clare panics at all the plant pots & throws a rock through the window -- which seem like classic highjinks... And they are, but also they're respectively: a reason the girls are frazzled so end up inadvertently breaking into the wrong place, & a sign they're at the wrong house (the instruction to find the key under 'the' plant pot initially seeming humorous, but actually being a well hidden Reveal). Or ciaran assuming Sarah's broken it off with him to become a nun in the hallowe'en ep?? Impeccable!! Or how the storylines in the train ep (backpacks switcheroo; Mary and sarah running into an acquaintance they can't place) neatly dovetail. The third season really impressed me overall, and particularly that final lengthy special!!!

So I do think my experience of watching this show is strong evidence for my theory that waiting for the whole thing to be out and watching all in one go can be the best way!! Like yes you do miss out on the live fandom screeching experience & can easily run the risk of being spoiled but I got to watch the writing improve in this compressed fashion!! Plus there were certain things where I was reserving judgement to see how they were handled going fwds, and s3 (so good!!) really delivered! Eg clare getting a love interest, michelle/'s family backstory, some discussion from Clare's parents re her sexuality, the girls developing better music taste lol, a bit more interrogation of Mary & gerry's relationship.

As u know I'm a bit of a hard sell on media/stories abt young ppl (to start with there's way too much!), but I really like the tone & setting of the show -- the sort of black comedy vibe, the 90s nostalgia -- and def enjoyed how much the grown ups were present too!! The performance of Tommy tiernan as gerry in particular really stood out to me, he didn't always get many lines, and often the ones he had were quite clipped, but the acting gave it a lot of depth. Plus I love that the mums got their own flashback ep!

I think the erin/James romance was foreshadowed really well + had the exact right amount of focus (ie not a huge amount) + was resolved exactly the right amount (ie fairly implied but open ended); he was an aspiring filmmaker she was an aspiring writer can I make it any more obvious should be more of a trope too sffgddfg. I feel like a lot of shows abt teenagers are either aggressively puritanical abt sex or substances or w/e, or lean hard the other way and instead try to glam up & sexualise boring children, and this did neither! The fact that it didn't focus almost exclusively on romantic pining and/or relationships or get into the partner shuffle game was really refreshing for a ~teen show, & I love that the focus stayed on the group/dynamic.

Other thoughts: Sister George Michael extremely iconic obvi! I really enjoyed James as a device (ppl needing to explain the ~setting to him), I think more shows should do that (espec in place of bloody voiceovers, way too many of those these days, so I loved the lampshading of that trope too); his deployment in the funeral ep (english ppl vs acknowledging the concept of death) really sung for me! And I lovvvve how uncle colm was used (espec in s3)!! I generally really like how Sarah & orla were portrayed/treated by the show also. And the music was done v well -- both in terms of songs chosen and how they were used! Some very iconic guest stars too, although omg i didn't even recognise ardal o'hanlon which is WILD given I slogged through a fair amount of my hero for him back in the day 😅

Anyhow yes I did love it, excellent rec, and I think it would be fun to rewatch. I'd be curious to hear/read more abt the writing actually, and particularly re when character details were decided (eg Michelle's brother backstory) cos stuff generally did seem to hang together well overall 😊

....ok, that enough thoughts for ya? 😆

[horce-divorce]

Someone on Reddit was lamenting that they had previously had their HRT covered by insurance, but because they're in Florida, because of the recent ban taking effect, now they're paying out of pocket, and they were worried about this, understandably

Another trans person commented and was like "yeah I've never had my hormones covered in NY, welcome to the club I guess?"

And like listen, I get that, I GET IT. I do. It's kinda like how I never had the option to transition until I was 30 and now there's all these kids got to start at 15, there is definitely a sense of mourning and envy that comes with someone having something you never had the chance to even try. It hurts.

And that hurt is 100% on You, my friend. That is YOUR Problem To Deal With, it's not your job to project your jealousy and nasty feelings onto other people???? Strangers, no less???

Like if you see other trans people worrying about their situation and saying "things changed, the future is uncertain, and idk what to do now," and your knee jerk reaction is to say some shit like 'yeah? And? Welcome to the fucking club?' I really suggest you stop and ask yourself if maybe it's time to stop posting!!!!!!! Seriously what the fuck is the point of a comment like this. Log off and watch fricking TV or something if it's making you that pissed off JUST to hear other people's experiences. It's not "easy" for anyone to be trans right now just because it's SLIGHTLY EASIER for SOME people. Absolutely nobody in the trans community needs the "yeah tough shit life is pain suck it buttercup" talk????

And bc apparently this needs to be said, my heart goes out to all my trans siblings down in Florida right now. That's a horrible place to be, you have enough political and environmental stressors there without losing access to your stuff, and as someone who's access could also disappear at any time, I deeply sympathize. It must be unbearable to have finally had access to something so important only to have it snatched so callously away. I'm so sorry we are still having this fight.

'Welcome to the club, it sucks to be trans forever, what did you expect 🙄' like how is that comment even remotely helpful or necessary? To anyone, including yourself? What do you get out of posting shit like that? What do you get out of vocally dismissing other people's pain and fear? Does that help your mental state, does it make it easier and more euphoric for you to be trans, to take other trans ppl down a peg, remind them that we're supposed to be suffering and groveling for every scrap???

Ok and like having typed all of this. I have empathy for that commenter, too. They are clearly hurting in some other way, and surely didn't think it thru that much. They are just bitter and grumpy and being shown post after post to interact with, and it's easy to let your guard down and make a flippant comment when you're not thinking and just scrolling.

What I'm saying is, like, I too have made flippant and rude comments like this in passing, and I've hurt people doing it. I had to stop and ask myself if I really liked who I was when I was using the internet that way, and make a better system of recognizing when I'm falling into that space- getting increasingly grumpy about every post, wanting to fight with people, feeling like a total curmudgeon! And when I notice I'm doing that, I have found that means that I personally need to log off and touch some fucking grass. Because the crotchety disposition is a symptom of what being online is doing to my mental state, and **I** am responsible for that. Not whoever made the comment that ticked me off.

Anyway I understand why people make comments like this, I do, and it's worth pointing out that websites WANT us to make comments like that, they encourage us to do it despite our better judgement. I think it's probably doubly hard for trans folks rn because if we try to engage with our communities at all, we will inevitably be shown content about transphobia. It's hard to scroll thru any trans spaces rn without finding some level of doom and gloom and when you're being inundated with that constantly, it's hard to shake.

But some loving and gentle advice from someone who's been online a lot, for a long time? If using social media isn't serving you, if it's making you cranky and combative and depressed, if you find yourself making comments like this even though that's not really you... Respectfully? YOU need to take the reigns and Log The Fuck Off for a bit. Give yourself a time out. Go do something YOU ACTUALLY LIKE TO DO. You can not convince me that scrolling reddit is the pinnacle of hobbies and entertainment for you. Find something real.

And like, I'm also NOT saying that when you feel that curmudgeonly way, you don't deserve to vent. You do! You absolutely need to, don't bottle that shit up. We are ALL feeling it to some degree. But also, read the fricking room? Don't just go dump it on some random poor fuck who has no clue what your damage is??

It doesn't mean you need to eschew the internet altogether, FYI. It doesn't even mean you need to set rules or a bedtime tech routine! It doesn't mean you need to throw your cellphone in the ocean and become a hermit in the woods like nature intended. It doesnt mean Technology Is Bad. It doesn't mean Never Make A Comment Or Talk To Anyone.

It JUST means, like, look:

We know for a fact that social media can and does manipulate our emotions on purpose.

When you're engaging w people online, are you behaving in a way that's serving you, or in a way that's serving the algorithm?

Put your oxygen mask on. Preferably before making shithead comments.

You might also find it helpful to ask yourself some questions:

- does this need to be said?

- does this need to be said by me?

- does this need to be said, by me, right now?

Food for thought!!!!

[aris-ink]

i don’t think it’s the communicating, but the comprehension. i feel like he doesn’t understand where I’m coming from. i talked to him last night and cried to him bc it’s been bringing me down for some time now but he just keeps saying we’re okay :( he tells me a lot that he’s still here and that he still cares, but he’s not emotionally here nor does his actions show that he still cares. i told him that, but lowk he kinda dismissed it and said that he feels like he’s there physically and emotionally. maybe i’m asking for too much? i don’t get how none of this is affecting him when it’s affecting me so much. i can’t help but think that he knows i won’t leave or he has another person to go to and talk when i’m stressing him out. 🫠 i’m trying to give it time, but how long can i wait until i can’t do it anymore? sigh.

- 🌳

it's really hard to judge situations like this fairly, because I don't know him at all, and I don't want to accidentally end up putting any more bad thoughts in your head baby, especially when they might not even be true 😩 so I really am trying not to judge him too harshly. and I could even say, you know, maybe that's just how he is? maybe he's just not someone who is very emotional, not openly, at least. there are two buts here, though. because first of all, if that's just how he is, it means you will struggle to fit well together, it clearly already feels like your needs aren't being met and you're having a hard time. 😔

and again I could say, you can work on it, and it's okay. but. yeah, here comes the second but, and it's what bothers me the most about your message. even if it is just his personality, and nothing bad is going on... if he cares for you, it should affect him that you're upset. it should worry him that you're anxious and crying. because saying "everything is OK" and dismissing your thoughts and emotions is not the way. clearly for you it isn't okay. so, even if he doesn't understand it, he should be all over you, putting in extra effort and giving you reassurance to help you feel better. that's what a good partner does. that definitely does bother me, it's not okay. so, maybe that should be the main point of your conversation? why he just seems so okay while you're struggling and worrying? because that sounds like the biggest issue to me. you're NOT asking for too much. you're asking for what you deserve, and don't ever ask for less. 😔❤️

I wish I could give you a hug or do more for you baby, I'm so sorry ☹️ but I promise I will do what I can and at least be here. I love you ❤️

[not-so-anonymous-scotch]

🗣️

so i want to talk about the LL What IF again and a particular part of it.

i have kinda really fallen in love w writing dialogue i think its bc 1) i can say a lot about a character through it and i never thought abt it that way 2) transcribing clips has become a thing i love to do and it makes me think really hard about those details you otherwise wouldnt consider.

important thing is whenever i do another pass on my writing and reread, i learn more and more better ways to format the dialogue. its important to learn. for example:

Bdubs huffed, “What- what? You can't kill me. You're yellow, you can't kill me, I- I got control here, you know that.”

i may edit and turn to:

“What- what? You can't kill me." Bdubs smirked, "You're yellow, you can't kill me, I- I got control here, you know that.”

it can take a moment to realize what might be a better way to display character during dialogue. some times the word choice, like huff, doesnt seem wrong but... i need to split up the dialogue a bit too and i am not sure that works being inserted in the middle as I dont feel like he stopped to huff mid speech.

and i need to also convey better what i meant by huff. sure, i meant like.. a short dismissive laugh, but i couldnt word it any shorter than a huff... and a laugh seemed too 'big' as with chuckle feeling like itd indicate something longer too. a smirk feels stronger to imply during the speech, especially in this whole conversation where Bdubs is trying to be cocky about his status as a red life with Etho!

the dialogue in this whole fic is definitely some of my favorite and its way heavier on talking than i planned so i really hope people will feel its in character, and fun to read.

[sunghun]

jay as your skater boyfriend

requested; yes!!

warnings; uhmm some cursing and mentions of scraped hands/knees??

note; this is so long. goodbye.

when you first met...

skater bf jay........

mm what a Thought

now as previously mentioned

when you two first met

he was kinda cold and came off as a little dismissive

not to mention the fact that he looked really good intimidating as hell

so you were like damn :/ the hot dude with the skateboard doesn’t like me ://

BUTTT

he was actually just low-key nervous and kinda shy

bc he thought you were really pretty :(

so he didn’t talk much to keep from saying smth embarrassing

but finds out as soon as you leave how badly that backfired on him when jake (ur mutual friend who introduced you to each other) was just like

“bro what the hell was that”

“what? what’s wrong??”

“i should be asking YOU that. do you not like y/n :(“

and he’s just like wydm!! y/n is so cute! and pretty!! and nice!!! and i think i’m in love!!!!

and thus begins the journey of jay’s insufferable pining

when he finally confessed....

omg but the next time you guys met he was like. overly friendly with you

bc he wanted to make up for the last time

but really all it did was confuse you

like is he just being nice bc jake told him to??

or does he just feel guilty??

?????

you are confusion

omg but he tried SO hard to look cool in front of you by doing Cool Skateboard Tricks idk what else to call them u guys

but half the time you weren’t even paying attention and when you WERE he’d mess up and just embarrass himself

no but a few months later when he was trying some new move he fell and scraped his hands and knees :(

and you got So worried :((

you insisted that he let you help him

which i mean. he’s obviously not gonna say no to lol

so you guys were just sitting on a bench in front of the convenience store where you got some stuff to clean him up with

the sun is starting to set

and just the way that it’s shining against the side of your face and through your hair

they way that you’re so concentrated on applying the band-aid to his hand just right

that you were so concerned for him

he just can’t hold it in anymore

“i really like you, y/n.”

......

you just fucking froze lmao

“but…i thought you hated me?”

and he's just like o_o "Huh??"

"yeah i mean the first time we met you were kind of...idk intimidating, and you didn't really talk, but then you started being nicer and i just thought that you were doing it for jake :("

and that just makes him so 🥺🥺🥺

he took your hand in his so gently while looking into your eyes

"y/n, i promise you nothing about the way i treat you has anything to do with jake. if i had known that was the way you felt i would've confessed a lot sooner. the only reason i didn't say much when we first met was because i didn't wanna look stupid, but obviously that didn't work because i made the person i like the most think i hated them. i guess i don't need any help looking stupid, i'll do it all on my own."

and you can't help but laugh

and jay just looks at you with LITERAL heart eyes omg

you can't stop yourself from leaning forward and giving him a kiss on the cheek

"if it makes you feel any better, i really like you too."

and thus begins your relationship :D

when you started dating...

pls you two are cute AF

definitely a fan of pda but like in a chill way

like any time you're together jay's hand is practically glued to yours

also likes having his arm wrapped around your shoulders or waist

loves to kiss you in front of the guys just to make them jealous 😜 like lol. single losers

skateboarding dates :(

like after he teaches you how to ride y’all will just skate around together while holding hands :((

luuuuuvs to take you out on late night dates

like going to the playground at midnight and just sitting on the swings and talking about everything and nothing 🥺😭

also veryvery protective of u!!

definitely the type of guy to walk closer to the road when you’re near the street

and really he just likes taking care of you in general

like you don’t even have to ask him for a jacket.

you two will meet up and he’ll notice that it’s a little chilly and you don’t have a sweater or anything

so he just takes off his hoodie and gives it to you

“but babe what about you?”

and he’ll just shrug with a cocky little smirk and be like “guess we’ll just have snuggle close. you know, for body heat.”

would defs tie your shoes for you 🥺🥺

and if you’re ever like “i can do stuff by myself you know 😠 i’m not a baby 😠😠”

he’ll just give you a lil kiss and say “you’re not A baby but you’re MY baby” 🥺🥰

he’d also get you lots of little gifts and things bc they remind him of you

your favorite is the teddy bear he got you when you were sick :(

wait but he would be SUCH a good kisser like 👀👀

everyone complains about you two making out all the time even tho you don’t do it that often

but like hello have you seen him??? you go bestie get that fine ass man

anyways i’ll stop here for that part otherwise things may take a more ✨mature✨ turn and i’m not quite legal yet lol

come see me again in about 3 months and we can talk about that

wait but he would call you So many pet namesssss

whether it’s just a cute version of your actual name or something like angel, sweetheart, sugar, etc.

his favorite is baby tho 🥺 bc as stated earlier he just likes to take care of you 🥺🥺

pls he loves u so much 🤧 sobbing actual tears rn

alright i’m gonna stop here otherwise i may go on all day lmao

basically skater bf!jay is an absolute dream and i low-key made myself sad writing this

[tianshiisdead]

Re: your post about cultural appropriation, I have a few things I want to ask/get your take on? Firstly, "the people who are uncomfortable shouldn’t be ignored" I understand this and agree, and at the same time I can't help but think, doesn't that kinda basically mean "Don't do it or you're an asshole" in the end? Because there will always be people uncomfortable with it, especially in the age of the internet where even private gatherings can have pictures posted publicly, etc? Secondly, even if you're invited by Chinese people (in some cases FAMILY members) to wear it in a specific situation, if others know about it and take issue, you'll still be criticized as a disrespectful colonizer (if you're from or look like you're from NA/UK, but sometimes even when you're not), and you can't even say "This was shared with me/I was invited to" because that comes off as a "My Chinese friend" kinda argument. Also in conversations I've had w mainlanders, many seem to feel like they're not allowed to have a say about their own culture in these conversations in international circles, bc many diaspora are trying to make rules about it, and shut them down w 'you don't understand bc you're not affected by racism' (which is not at ALL true, even tho its different) and even tho they dont dismiss the pain of the diaspora experience, they feel very frustrated by diaspora trying to claim authority over their culture. (Which is made worse by many diaspora not even understanding or respecting China themselves) (sidenote this is an experience that seems to be shared by MANY mainland/diaspora relationships, not just China) And I just wonder if this is possibly another instance of a very common thing online these days, where people feel they have to turn their personal feelings about something into a strict idea of morality by which they expect everyone to follow, else they be labeled racist. But just because their feelings and experiences are important and valid does not mean they are universal. So they're probably not a good basis to be making moral judgements by. Idk if I'm making any sense at this point. It's a complicated topic I've had a lot of thoughts about that I kinda wanted to share and talk about so that I can develop my understanding of it, but it's hard. I just wish we could have more civil conversations about it. I understand it's sensitive but I don't think people being hostile about it is going to help anyone, and it's very disheartening. Because shutting down conversation and arguing and harassing and gatekeeping is only creating more division. It's the very opposite of cultivating understanding and unity. And I do think the latter is the only way meaningful progress can really be made.

Hi! This is a pretty complicated issue, I'll try to answer one by one but I might ramble a little.

First, to clarify, I originally made my post because I follow a few prominent diaspora hanfu fashion blogs/channels/tiktoks and some of them have drawn pretty clear lines on what they consider acceptable VS appropriation, yet they get constant non asian people in the comments insulting them and saying things like 'well I think it's totally okay to wear hanfu whenever stop gatekeeping', and that is never okay. To go into an asian person's space where they share parts of their culture and talk over them on what they can or can't do right in that space is incredibly rude, and it's frustrating to see so many people ignoring diaspora voices or wielding 'I heard this from a mainlander' to discredit what a diaspora says. We are no less 'asian' than mainlanders. I've seen too many situations where these creators repeatedly make their stance clear but still get people complaining in their comments and such - it's always preferable to block and move on if you disagree rather than harass someone who's made it clear they don't care to have this conversation (which they are not obligated to have). In general, it costs nothing to not harass marginalized people about what you're allowed or not allowed to do regarding their culture when they've made their stance and frustrations clear.

This got pretty long (sorry) so my answer is under the read more

Disclaimer: everything I say is my opinion formed from my experiences, which doesn't invalidate any other person's feelings on appropriation of their culture. It's a complicated issue and people are allowed to have strong feelings about it. Other people might be stricter or less strict and that's okay, no one can solve the issue with a single post and no one should make themselves the single spokesperson of an issue that affects so many people. This is just my take on it.

First question! In my opinion, it's a situation where 'people's discomfort should be listened to if they voice it' not 'never do anything ever for fear of being seen by someone who would be uncomfortable'. There are obviously plenty of situations where a non Chinese person might be invited to wear hanfu, or a non Chinese person might do research and end up concluding their hanfu/cosplay/whatever is respectful and okay. I'm not here to say you shouldn't just in case someone in the world would be offended, however, you still have to be aware you're a guest partaking in someone else's culture, so if you choose to post it on social media, you should be prepared for potential criticism, keep an open mind, and not become defensive when you get it. That is to say, harassing is never okay, and if there is harassing going on I don't condone that, however a lot of the times (in my experience) it's not harassing, just valid complaints brought up in a not incredibly gentle way, and that shouldn't be discounted as bullying. Messing up (unintentionally, after doing research) doesn't make someone an asshole, but if someone decides to post and face a lot of criticism and they choose to ignore it or lash out against the people criticizing them, that does. In my personal experience, I've for example seen a lot of MDZS cosplay that are generally met with very little pushback, and there's a writer I like who's 100% white and lives in China and writes short and distinctively Chinese fiction, and he has a moderately decent audience and gets pretty much no criticism even from diaspora because he's careful to be respectful. This isn't a failsafe and I'm sure no matter what someone out there will be uncomfortable, but there are plenty of situations where non-Chinese people interact with the culture and wear the culture and get little to no pushback. I don't like the implication that the diaspora community is needlessly volatile and hostile - because from my experience most of it really isn't. And, to be completely honest although the internet and videos have made things less private, very few people end up getting enough attention (especially unintentionally) that would result in a great deal of pushback unless they're being Distinctly Offensive. I've seen quite a few douyin with foreigners in hanfu and they're just like any other hanfu video and they rarely gain that level of traction because most people aren't looking to get upset over things that don't genuinely bother them. I do think it's a situation where you have to make your own judgments, but I stand by that if for whatever reason you interact with Chinese people who make their discomfort clear, their discomfort should be taken seriously and listened to.

Second question. Um, this sounds kind of specific? This might be the case sometimes idk, I've personally never seen this happen (not to say it hasn't just that I haven't seen it), but in that case if you're wearing it in a specific (respectful) situation and you were invited (especially by family) then it's not at all a "My Chinese friend" argument I think. "My Chinese friend" is a bad argument because it's vague and tokenizing and used to talk over other Chinese people, but if you were invited to wear it then that's way more direct, so I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to establish. However, like you mention later, Chinese people are not a monolith and many don't have great connections with their culture, or see no issue with racism, or have internalized self-hatred etc. that would cause them to enable non-Chinese people in doing offensive things. I really do think this is a case-by-case basis, I can't make any sweeping judgments. Sometimes it's the Chinese family/friend who invited who is in the wrong.

Third question kind of (the part about mainlanders having a say etc.) I do think that again it's a case-by-case basis! In the conversation between a diaspora and a mainlander, respect should be given to both sides (and diaspora who don't understand as much should listen to the mainlander about things the mainlander understands better) however, in my original post, I was more referring to non-Chinese people using what mainlanders say to shut down diaspora. Again, the issue is not that mainlanders shouldn't have a say, it's that their words are used by non-Chinese to discredit diaspora voicing their concerns. I honestly haven't seen that much mainlander-diaspora communication online for obvious reasons but that would be a completely different topic. I do think that it's important to remember even mainlanders aren't monoliths or infallible, and sometimes they can discredit diaspora opinions on topics diaspora have more experience on just because they don't have the same experience. Although people in China certainly face racism and oppression in the global framework of north VS south, and many parts of China have remnants of colonization and imperialism which mean white westerner travelers and expats get better treatment than even the locals or ABC, it's also true that they don't usually face the day to day constant racism diaspora face, which is often what informs discussions on why foreigners wearing hanfu might be considered offensive.

(This part will be about diaspora talking over mainlanders, intracommunity politics, self-hatred, etc. These are my own opinions as a Chinese diaspora and it's a sensitive issue, plus people who are not members of the community please Do Not Make Judgements or try and get involved. Again, this is an intracommunity issue, not an open invitation for non-Chinese people to criticize Chinese people on their Chineseness.) The same goes in the other direction, like you mentioned, a lot of diaspora can also talk over mainlanders or claim authority when they don't have it. There's also a lot of issues with diaspora who hate and look down on themselves and their culture through no fault of their own, it's taught by the society they grow up in, but then they never unlearn that hatred and disdain, and the remnants of that will inform how they treat the people and culture even if they try and advocate themselves as a spokesperson. Obviously, I'm not a huge fan and I think it can be super harmful. It's okay to grow up and realize the culture you rejected is something beautiful, it's okay to slowly rediscover it, but one should always keep in mind that they are rediscovering it, they lack a lot of knowledge because knowing about culture is not innate, and to be open to learn and not yell too loudly about things they don't understand. Culture is so vast, no one person can claim they understand fully and should be taken as the single spokesperson. This disdain and internalized racism show up in diaspora, but also in mainlanders to some extent, because we all live in a post-colonial world with a clear racial hierarchy. That is to say, although it's not useful or reasonable to categorize mainland Han Chinese as oppressed POC, especially when they are the privileged majority within mainland, they nonetheless also face white supremacy that is woven into the culture post-colonization and imperialism (white people. are not at all oppressed. in China. :/)

I also think that in the specific situation of cultural appropriation, personal feelings kind of do matter. It's not a strictly moral thing, messing up doesn't mean moral failure and neither does getting offended or whatever, and I also don't think the discussion around cultural appropriation through wearing hanfu will ever be 'universal' because everyone has such different experiences. In a perfect world without a recent history of colonization and imperialism and western dominance, this wouldn't be nearly as big of an issue. The point is that it's not universal, you can only try your best to be respectful but understand there are limits and that if you post for a lot of people to see a lot of people will have different thoughts, and to try and listen to those thoughts the best you can. None of this is a moral issue, just one facet of a larger societal one informed by history and power dynamics, and no one person is responsible for any of it, but it's important to be educated and sensitive.

But yeah! It's definitely a complicated issue, your ask made sense don't worry lol I'm sorry I couldn't give that many definitive answers and so much of it came down to 'depends on the situation' and 'it can vary from person to person'. Like with all these sorts of issues, it can be intensely personal to people because this sort of racism Is very personal. for lack of better words. it's not a concrete thing, the reason it's harmful at all is that it can hurt people, just because of the context of racism and such, and that means it will vary from person to person. Sorry idk if that made any sense but kjlfdhg I think harassment and dogpiling and rudeness is never okay, but a clear line should be drawn between harassment and a Great Deal of People voicing their criticism. I agree that there should be civil conversations about it, but tbh... I don't think any progress will be made regarding this Because it's such a complicated issue with so many diverse voices and experiences that should be accounted for and not asked to conform, it's not at all a solidly moral issue. There's no rulebook for it! All cultures are different too, I can only speak on my thoughts on hanfu and qipao and such, however, other garments from other cultures may have different purposes or ideas behind them and that's not something for me to comment on, I can only listen and respect. I think the only way progress can be made, is for society to progress regarding racism and such built into the system, and the post-colonial state of the world. Foreigners in hanfu and appropriation stuff, this is all just manifestations of the greater systemic issues, and it can only be solved through the solving of the greater systemic issues.

Thank you for the ask! i enjoy talking about these things :3