#and it is incredibly complex at that

[scolek]

when i woke up this morning i was like 'i am definitely not supposed to be awake right now, but i am very aware of the exact place the threshold between being able to go back to sleep and it being a moot point and the best course of action being to just get up is, and i know i am over that threshold'

[sketchy-scribs-n-doods]

the four horsemen of Queer Agony

[yurucamp]

300 page book from 1989 about palestinian costume archive.org/details/palestiniancostu0000weir

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[slidehead]

hello online feminist do you hate men as an extension of the hierarchical class they create, uphold and coercively enforce in society or do you hate men because you genuinely believe they are evil through an inherent biological heritage that cannot be mended

[egophiliac]

redesigning my headcanon for Sebek's parents, based on important new information (SCALES)

(you can't see it but they're both wearing crocs)

[quimser]

dib gets taller than zim

gaz gets taller than both

[bumblingbabooshka]

Thinking about marriage/women's rights on Vulcan Some may think that T'Pring not being allowed to divorce Spock was because he was going through the pon farr but if she were allowed to divorce him at all she probably would have done that a long time ago, confirmed by T'Pol when she's speaking with Koss, who isn't suffering from the pon farr. She says that he can choose another mate (without invoking a fight it seems: note the difference between a 'mate' and a 'challenger') and after he makes it clear that nothing she says will change his mind about marrying her, she finally threatens to declare a kal-if-fee. It's clear that Vulcan women cannot divorce/refuse to marry a man they've been betrothed to under any circumstances if A) He himself doesn't consent to ending their marriage or B) She doesn't have someone else waiting in the wings to be given to in his stead. Though, if the challenger she selects fails to win the fight, she'll have to marry her betrothed anyway unless (again) he decides he doesn't want her after the challenge. That seems like an incredibly unfair system, heavily biased towards men. SNW is an alternate universe in many obvious respects but most egregiously in that T'Pring has a lot of non-canonical agency over her relationship with Spock. It's interesting to me that Vulcan society has women in many positions of power and treats women as equal to men from what I've seen despite these laws. We don't really see Vulcans exhibiting a misogynistic attitude towards women in general but in TOS (perhaps because of its general writing style but it's still interesting to note) both Sarek and Spock take on patriarchal attitudes specifically regarding wives. Amanda says that 'of course' Sarek commands her because "he is a Vulcan and I am his wife." It's worthwhile in my eyes to note that she specifies 'wife' instead of attributing this attitude to women as a whole. Again, with TOS' writing style it wouldn't be out of place for her to say "he is a man and I am a woman." Spock, while in a pon farr induced irritation, states that it's "undignified for a woman to play servant to a man that isn't hers" - again implying that there's something specific about being a Wife in Vulcan society which is different from being a woman in general and demands subservience to a husband. This could perhaps stem from the extreme sense of ownership that Vulcan law has permitted men to have over women. A woman legally cannot point blank refuse marriage. There is no option which guarantees she won't have to marry her betrothed other than death. When T'Pau speaks of T'Pring she refers to her as being 'property' and Stonn, before being interrupted, states he's made 'the ancient claim' - we don't know what this is because he gets cut off but it's obvious they're both using the language of Vulcan law. Men are permitted true freedom to choose. If a woman wants to choose someone else to be with there is no option available to her other than the kal-if-fee which might result in the death of the one she wants to be with. And, if her lover fails, her husband can still just decide he wants to marry her and she'll be forced to. T'Pring gives two scenarios: One where Spock 'frees' her and one where he doesn't - it's still ultimately his decision which is clear when he ends the conversation with "Stonn, she is yours." This again isn't just because of the pon farr as T'Pol also goes through this. Koss can choose another mate and when the option is talked about there's no implication that this would result in any sort of fight (both by the casualness of its mention and by the fact that there's no formal word for it unlike the kal-if-fee.) Also, the fact that Koss does eventually grant T'Pol a divorce and it's all fine means that T'Pol isn't lawfully required to have another man waiting if her HUSBAND doesn't want her. It's ONLY required if SHE doesn't want her husband. Tradition must take precedence over individual desire UNLESS!!! You're a man. Then it's fine. Like, your parents might not be happy but legally you're golden.

[nostalgic-shamefest]

IS IT?

He really said that with a straight face huh

[randomness-is-my-order]

something about wei wuxian and wen qing’s relationship is so profoundly heartening and i think it’s because, in that first life, they were each other’s confidants in the sense that they voluntarily allowed the other person to see them at their most vulnerable and trust the other to take care of them. wei wuxian trusted wen qing to carry out the golden core transfer and trusted her when he was helpless on that bed, his core cut out from him. and wen qing could think of no one else but wei wuxian to help her when she was in her most dire circumstances, trusting him to help her and her family out when no one else would.

“all that pride–all gone.”

at her lowest, wen qing went to wei wuxian and allowed him to see her that way. partly because her family was so much more important than a game of saving face and partly because if there was someone who would see her in such a state and not think ill of her and continue to respect her, it was wei wuxian. because he’s also been at his worst, circumstantially, and it was exactly in those days that their initial bond/friendship was forged.

there is alot of talk about debts when wwx and the wens are concerned but i think the way they helped each other transcends the obligation of debts. of course, you simply cannot overlook who was owed what, given the setting but it’s interesting that we have this passage to make us reflect on the true nature of wei wuxian and wen qing helping each other:

when wei wuxian had bid her farewell, carrying jiang cheng on his back, wen qing had told him this: “no matter how this war ends, we do not owe each other anything from now on. our debts are cleared.” her haughtiness was clear as day in his memory. but last night, she had clutched his hand in a death grip and almost dropped to her knees as she pleaded.

“wei wuxian…wei wuxian…wei-gongzi. please help me. i have no one else to turn to. you have to help me save a-ning! i really have no one else, i can only come to you!”

it’s the way that following wen qing’s refuge of wei wuxian and jiang cheng, there was a sentiment of: oh the wens did this to you and now we, also wens, have helped you just to compensate a little. let’s settle these debts and leave them behind. and this is despite wen qing clearly stating that the wen clan’s actions do NOT reflect her own and that she’s only ever saved lives, not taken any. and yet she declares “our” debts as cleared as if she had taken some accountability anyway. it’s part that and part her attempt to obscure what her actions towards wwx and jc truly were: an unconditional show of support and help. and wei wuxian knows this and it is only reasonable and honorable to still see the help as a debt owed later down the line.

and the same thing repeats itself when wen qing comes to wei wuxian and explicitly asks for help. there is a sense that this isn’t about some give-and-take or reciprocation of prior debts. it is simply a person reaching out to someone in their most desparate times, hoping their hand will be held. and wei wuxian does hold her hand and they remain each other’s staunch supporters through the rescue and the hellish survival in the burial mounds that follows.

wei wuxian trusts wen qing with his wounds and wen qing opens up her most loved ones to wei wuxian’s care. for two people who spent their lives looking after their loved ones, shouldering massive burdens and going through the destruction of their respective clans, their intrinsic understanding of each other makes their bond so special, so grounded. they both took massive risks to help each other out and they both did what was right over what was easy to extend that help to each other.

despite my fair share of problems with the cql, i appreciated that scene with wq and jc where wen qing made it clear that she couldn’t pursue anything with jiang cheng because he wouldn’t stand by her. he simply didn’t have the guts. and this is reflected in the novel canon, in the sense, that if debts owed are the metric to measure who could have helped wen qing, jiang cheng was also on the list and he was obligated to aid her as much as, if not more than wei wuxian (and i say this because the whole reason wwx ended up staying under wen qing’s extended care was because jc was injured. he would’ve left as soon as he was discovered had he been alone). and yet wen qing doesn’t ever approach jiang cheng. her only option is wei wuxian because she knows, deep down, that he would truly help her and go to greater lengths for her than any debts would warrant. that he would understand.

and thing is, despite being the outliers of their clans, they both (+wen ning) embodied their mottos. “attempt the impossible”/“knowingly do what you know you cannot do” for the jiangs and “every kindness should be returned” for the wens (very hilarious ik) and that is just one amongst the hundreds of commonalities they shared.

and all of this doesn’t even account for the fact that they basically died for each other. if this isn’t platonic love at its best, most brutal, most beautiful, then what is?

[loumandaniel]

book lestat fans hate loumand so much that i hope s3 opens up on loumand post-divorce hook up where louis keeps going "we shouldn't be doing this" in between thrusts

[contrarianwitt]

random thoughts rereading tdt: part 2

what is it with blues legs??? no wonder she wears so many layers jesus gansey does not shut up about them good god

i love the immediate kinship the grayman feels to gansey while breaking into his apartment because they’re the same. who else is randomly thinking about their favourite historical figures and trying to think of ways to impress sargent women (and thinking about their legs, freaks)

the fact that gansey was a lot more wild before they met adam…

homemade dynamite by lorde is THE gansey-on-fire scene song

i will stand by adam (in trc it probably changes in tdt) being pre-law or wanting to work in government because gansey mentions throwing an event for him like this one day at the fundraiser, and like it makes more sense that he’s envious of this specific lifestyle and needing to make these connections

okay another very tall gansey mention but i’m for the bluesey height difference

i love that the infamous adam and gansey fight includes points like gansey’s “ronan would never take my car” and adam’s “i got blue without you” meanwhile in henrietta, ronan definitely just took ganseys car and blue definitely just kissed noah and admitted she liked gansey. sorry boys you’re both wrong

i swear every other kavinsky line is about gansey. adam and blue i think you might have competition for who is more obsessed at analyzing ronan and ganseys relationship

part 1 part 3

[painfully-unoriginal]

it's like burning...

[tentakrool]

tw mouthwashing spoilers

jimmy forces everyone around him to take responsibility for his actions. curly is forced to address anya’s distress and assault because jimmy won’t do it. jimmy pins the crash on curly by putting him in a situation where he knows curly will try to fix it, thus placing him at the scene. anya takes her own life because she’s been led to think curly’s dilemma was her fault (not to mention the pregnancy). daisuke is manipulated into taking responsibility for anya and curly’s safety and climbs into the vent, only to be severely injured. swansea saves the cryo pod for daisuke because he knows jimmy is too selfish to consider anyone’s safety above his own. he also puts daisuke out of his misery after it becomes clear that jimmy doomed him. the only person he takes responsibility for is curly, out of spite, so that he can torture and abuse him.

that continues after everyone is dead. he becomes obsessed with “saving curly” because in his mind, that’s the only person he really did wrong. the only person he cares about. and he does this by mutilating and consuming the man who had taken responsibility for him in the first place, by getting him this job and constantly taking up for him. only after completely losing his mind does jimmy try to take some semblance of personal accountability.

by then it’s far too late, and he ultimately dooms curly to a life of eternal guilt and despair — because in curly’s mind, he is ultimately the failure. and that’s the irony the game. by taking responsibility for everyone, and not requiring jimmy to step up or experience consequences, he set the game’s tragedies into motion.

when it comes to “taking responsibility”, there’s a fine line to tread. curly believed that as captain, the crew was solely his responsibility—and honestly? pony express probably reinforces that— but in doing so, he absolved jimmy of his sins, and empowered him to torture the crew as acting captain. to use his authority against them.

it’s sad and horrific, but it teaches an important lesson about the dangers of letting your personal feelings get in the way of your judgement. ultimately that’s both jimmy and curly’s main weakness, and it’s how jimmy manipulated curly so efficiently — a narcissist preying upon a good man’s instinct to take responsibility.

[babybells123]

No but you don’t understand . I need Jonsa to be a tangled mess of depravity and tenderness. Grief haunting them - the ghosts of their past connecting them in some irrevocable way, because perhaps that’s the only way they know how to bond - initially, at the very least. Estranged but bursting with love but not knowing how to show it because ‘we were never close.’ But Sansa used to teach me courtesy, and Jon used to sneak me lemon cakes when no one was watching. I love you so much but I feel as if you’re a stranger to me and I don’t know how to change that. Do you wish it was arya who walked through those gates or I should have been a better brother to you, I should have ridden north for you. Please just let me hold you in my arms until our hardened hearts soften again. Until something ineffable develops. And to their horror, they realise this raw and fresh and beautiful (damaged) bond that they have created. And then comes the angst. The yearning. The unspoken words. Religious disillusionment. Inadequacy. Shame shame shame. Understanding slowly burning brighter, until they realise how similar they actually are and oh my god , you were there the whole time and I never even realised. But she was radiant and glowed brighter than any star in the sky, how could I not ??? Now give me your hands and I’ll kiss your fingers one by one, I’ll gentle each tip the way you’ve deserved. And I’m here, I see you. I’m not leaving, but gods am I a vile being. Look at how this world has corrupted me.

[1411411989]

it's genuinely very funny watching a certain corner of fandom descend into "mythal was an abuser responsible for all of solas's crimes" vs "mythal was the best of them and she was trying her best."

they are both absolute monsters who committed crimes against humanity we don't even have names for. they magic-lobotomized a whole people&culture for the crime of "not wanting to be killed and have their blood stolen." they did this after inventing the crime of magic-lobotomy in the first place. any time you attempt to call them on this in the modern era, they immediately lash out and become obstinately defensive if not actually violent. they remain extremely bigoted, self-centered, and incapable of accountability. if they were ever wise and benevolent it must be in the art book somewhere because it's not anywhere in the games.

"they're both so morally complex" okay rad show me a single action they took out of genuine compassion or concern for others that was 1) not intended primarily or solely to chauvinistically benefit elves/spirits 2) not a means to advance their own power and 3) not an attempt to salve their guilty conscience by fixing the outcomes of the very crimes they committed. and no, "I have imagined that her slave markings don't actually count as slave markings" wouldn't count even if it was true.