#and it has been. a long time and she has not rolled a nat 20. which at this point is really unlikely

[funsizedcrow]

this is the second time my friend has told me we should kill the dice gods.

[bu-blegh-ost]

The time has finally come, @girlsonlytreehouse !!!

Today I shall share with you the fruits of my work. But first, allow me to take you on a journey I myself have been through while counting all of this shit down.

First things first, I decided to count the rolls in the context of the characters rather than the people playing them, simply because the luck of the actual people could not be measured accurately if I only take Riptide into consideration (and also I thought it would be more fun). The guys have several different campaigns, some that I do not have access to, so I've decided to seperate all their Riptide rolls into characters they play instead, cause then we can clearly see which character is the luckiest. But ofc if you want this to be attributed differently, the data remains unchanged, so that way you all can interpret the results however you wanted and still have all the info you need on hand.

Another issue were the advantage/disadvantage rolls. When a character rolls at advantage, they roll twice and the only roll that counts is the one that was higher, while the other is discarded and the opposite goes for disadvantage. So for example if you roll at Disadvantage and you roll a nat 20 and a 2, that nat 20 technically doesn't matter. Despite that I decided to count each adv/disadv roll anyway, because despite the fact that it does not count, it was still physically ROLLED, which means it contributes to the character's overall pool of luck. I tried to separate them at first so you guys can make your own decision whether to add them or not, but in the end I decided against it cause it was insanely hard to keep up with. There were just too many and too often, which led me to believe that it was fair enough to count everything as long as they actually rolled a dice.

Which brings me to the last complication, which is of course Gillion's Prophetic Screwup. At the beginning of the campaign Gillion was able to exchange anything that he actually rolled into a nat 20, and in return the DM can change any roll he does afterwards into a nat 1. That way there was supposed to be an equal number of wild unrolled nat 20's and nat 1's to balance Gillion out back to 0, but it didn't turn out this way. In more cases than not, Grizzly would either forget or fail to find a good place to screw Gillion over, so the ability bacame much too unbalanced. So they changed it somwhere in the middle of Edison Kingdom Arc. From then on, if Gill rolled anything from 1-10 it would automatically become a nat 1, and if he rolled from 11-20, that'd be a nat 20 instead. Either way these rolls had nothing to do with luck, as he wasn't actually rolling anything, thus I decided not to count these 'artificial' nat 20's/1's. However I did keep track of them nonetheless and I'll still give you the number of those, just separately, and from then on you guys can make your own decision on whether or not you wish to count it.

OOOFFF ALRIGHT.

Without further ado, here are the nat 20's results (up to ep106):

Gillion: 52

Chip: 58

Jay: 55

Goobleck: 8

Surprised? Yeah I was as well. First things first I never expected this to be this close. And never in my right mind could I possibly predict that it would he CHIP of all people to have the highest score here. But I've seen it with my own eyes. And tell you what. Jay had this in the bag for most of the damn series. She would consistently roll good and always when you need a good roll the most. There were times when she would have such a massive lead it was unthinkable she could loose it. But then she would just kinda...stop rolling good for a bit and allow the other two to catch up. It just wasn't as visble if you don't pay much attention, but I thought it to be cute. It's as she was waiting for them <3 But she was still mostly leading. It was only the current arc that made Chip surpass her. After his terrible luck in Feywilde, he bounced back so strongly right after, that he managed to jump in front of the luck queen herself.

And now I bet you're curious about the other side of the coin. Give it up for natural 1's!:

Gillion: 55

Chip: 53

Jay: 52

Goobleck: 1

You see, I kind of expected it to be Gill, but I need you guys to know that this wasn't the case at all times. Jay? Yes. If there is one thing that's consistent is that she had the lowest amount of natural 1s at all times almost, but the person that was suffering from nat 1 curse for a long while was Chip. In the Feywilde Arc he would be so far ahead of everyone, that I was genuinely sure that there is no way anyone catches up to him. But then he popped off in the next arc with nat 20's and Gillion? Oh my gosh, Gillion didn't disappoint. I've never seen a man fail this much let me tell you XD He ended up with the least nat 20's as well, but I thought the difference would be much higher until he didn't roll 4 fucking nat 20s in ep 100 and then this double nat 20 attack roll in the Black Sea whduihdius AND HE CAUGHT UP AS WELL, more or less.

Idunno, maybe this is just how luck works, but it truly seems that the trio shares their successes and burdens almost equally. They support each other and in return fate has their backs as well. Honestly I couldn't have hoped for better results. Also can we give shout out to Goobleck, the true MVP? He's been on the show only for a while but look at this nat1 - nat20 ratio!!! Go goop man goo!!!

So now for the additional stuff that I also counted just for fun:

*Prophethic screwup nats:

Before the rules changed Gillion replaced 8 of his rolls into natural 20s, and in return Grizzly replaced 3 of his rolls into natural 1s.

After the rules changed he only got high enough number for 4 nat 20s, and a low enough number for 7 nat 1s.

So that together makes additional 12 nat 20s and 10 nat 1s from the prophetic screwup alone. I don't think they should be added, but the numbers are there so feel free to do whatever you want with them :)

Downs and death saves:

Throughout the campaign Gillion went down 14 times and rolled 8 death saves.

Chip went down 6 times and rolled 4 death saves.

Jay went down 4 times and rolled 3 death saves.

No shocker here, Gillion dies a lot XD

Knights:

In their journey Gillion knighted 4 people: Julien Booker, Clorton, Garrieth and Duke.

Corruption score:

Thus far each character has the following amount of corruption points (Black Sea):

Gillion: 0

Chip: 2

Jay: 3

Queen: 1

Gryffon: 2 (i think, unsure abt that one, may edit later XD)

Earl: 1

That is all I have for now. I may be clinically insane :)

Good day to everyone and I hope you found this data interesting. Take care <3

[popcornkwantum]

(A bit late because I forgot, BUT)

DnDads Live show AMSTERDAM *.✧

All favorite parts and quotes of the chaos that happened in Amsterdam. This one is going to be long yall

Darryl's Amsterdam dad fact: he has been to Amsterdam before, but was so afraid of the red light district that he avoided ALL red lights (including those of traffic lights. So he ended up never leaving his hotel room)

At the same venue one day after the live show, there was a smut book convention lol, so Henry's Amsterdam dad fact was that he and Mercedes would go visit that

Ron's Amsterdam dad fact: he's banned from photographer's dark rooms, because he thought it was the red light district

We got the SMASH DADDIES oneshot

And Anthony's first note in the envelope was: "some sort of justification for a battle royale"

We got: all dads, all teens, THE MOTHMANS from Sons & sonsability and the PCs from the mountain of dadness. They all played 4 characters

It was so chaotic

Freddie went back and forth between Glenn and Taylor to compliment himself

AND AND Sons & sonsability co-DM Amanda Schuckman was also in the audience?? So she just joined on stage for the whole show!!

AND HERMIE WAS ALSO IN IT

The first time Anthony talked in the Hermie voice, one person very very loudly booed and Anthony went like "one guy booed and I agree"

"Martf [?? I don't know who that is?] I love your really long penis" ~ Ron

And then he got strangled with his own penis by Glenn

Elizabeth Mothman (beth): "I'm going to kill the hand." Anthony: "how are you going to do that?" Elizabeth Mothman: "I'm going to roll." Anthony: "... not what I meant."

HENRY (from S1) TELLING NORMAL THAT HE THINKS THAT HIS DAD IS GOING TO BE SO SO PROUD OF HIM :')

The group literally broke the game by killing the boss with 2x nat 20s on intimidation in a row

And then we got a DUNGEON (like Anthony wanted). A red light district dungeon where they had to find a magical bike helmet

(There was also a sheep minotaur but that wasn't used (I still really want to draw it tho))

And Paeden was there.

Darryl: "Paeden? I don't think you're allowed to be here." Paeden: "this is where I become a man."

"Roll a dexterity saving throw as a bike is going to run you over" ~ Anthony

Henry is convinced that he's in Berlin and can take his clothes off in the middle of street (??) And someone in the audience really loudly cheered

"She's far worse than a vampire, or a werewolf. She's a 40 year old woman."

HERMIE AGAIN. He was in almost every red light district dungeon room (it was less weird than it sounds now)

The dads basically had to make Anthony/Hermie feel physical or emotional pain (in the pain pain pain room) and feel love (in the love&embrace room)

"I'm not here to open my mind. I'm here to open my mouth: ~ Ron to Henry who was trying to convince the other dads to eat a plantburger at McDonalds

Henry trying to make Anthony fall in love with him: "Do you have a secret hunch on how you're going to die?" Anthony: "Yes. On stage. In Amsterdam."

THEY ALL SUNG THE GASTON SONG AS KARAOKE TOGETHER (we gave our inspiration to get them to do that."

Anthony took off his shirt during the song.

NORMAL ASKED OUT HERMIE

Darryl the wingman: "you should go on a date because you never know how long you will be alive." 💀

Hermie ACCEPTED

Freddie had a whole speech about whatever he was talking about, made a whole buildup to get everyone to pull out their phones and scan the QR-code

It was a webshop to buy a bicycle helmet

They really managed to shit as much as possible on the fact that Dutch people almost never wear a bicycle helmet lol

All people who had bought one at the end got free stuff from Anthony and Freddie tho!! Since this was the last show of the tour

It was REALLY GREAT!! Absolutely feel free to add things to this list! I made a lot of notes but absolutely didn't catch everything :D

[marcussour]

C3E120 random thoughts and bits

Look at Robbie doing his own ad

I already knew that there was gonna be a State of the Role this week, but still

9th lvl Foresight, way to go Dorian!

Of course Laura was expecting Predathos' dick to appear somewhere on the map

Travis with 2 nat 20s on the same turn, amazing

Not that I expected less, but this fight's not even one round and it's been gnarly

"one of the limbs of Predathos, the evolving"

2 Nat 1s, this is gonna be one of those episodes regarding the dice, isn't it?

"Hunger of the Shadow Shard"; "That's 5 words, you know it's a good one"

Oh shit, Predathos ate Orym... OH WAIT, MISTY STEP

How many arms does it have... (also, at this pace, it's gonna end up using his dick, don't quote me)

Way to go Fearne with the nat 20 and hitting with all the Scorching Rays

The idea of Mister flame shitting on a god eater, and shooting said feces with a gun made by Lord Percival Fredickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III will never stop being funny

Marisha's nat 20 was the clutchest

Now Sam with a nat 20

"I am Brontë Wyverwind, only son of the Silken Squall, your Prince" that was amazing, especially since it was followed by an 8th level Crown of Stars. I mean, look at Matt's face.

Love the face that Sam made after saying "Scanlan's hand pie" trying to process what it was

Look at Imogen doing +170 points of damage in just one turn. Incredible.

Oh no, Fearne's down and already had a crit failure with the death saving throws

If I had a nickel for everytime a Laura character flashed her tits in order to convince other party member to do something, etc, etc

"My Lord, you have shown me much, but never showed my that"

"I show her my titty, it's an udder" - God damn it

50 damage on a cantrip

Not saying nothing new here, but I love how much of a protector Orym is

Keep those nat 20s coming

HOLY SHIT YOU CAN READ THAT DICE

That Fearne sneek attack was clutch

No but seriously, Ashley doing 72, added to Marisha's 50 and Laura's over 170 was epic af. Specially coming from characters that aren't the usual heavy hitters. And there's some poetic justice in seeing the 3 witches being the ones that have wrecked Predathos the most.

SILVERY BARBS TO THE RESCUE!

Witches be bitches

Even more nat 20s!

"It's a bad idea, so I'm gonna do it: The Ashton Greymoore story"

Ashton went full Emma Frost

"What if I popped out a tity?", "Already seen it"

I love it when they worked defensively like a well oiled machine. The way Chetney used the last curse to lower Predathos' roll to save Laudna and got the right roll on the die? Incredible

They've been rolling so good, it's amazing seeing Matt's reactions. Like, all things considered, they've been acing this battle.

Dorian and Braius are down

3 hours break, just after Imogen's down and absorbed by Predathos

Digestive damage

REVERSE WHISPER

Oh the Robbie shirt

Way to go Ashton, saving Imogen in an incredible way

Thankfully Laudna's gambit payed off

Look at Orym saving Dorian. Oh no, and now Orym's down.

And now's Fearne is down again

Oh Robbie, bringing everybody back and skipping the healing on himself

That callback to Eshteross was just *chef's kiss*

Oh, Matt's face when Laura mentioned the Arch Heart's ring

"Can I just say how much in love in you I am right now?" - Look at Travis

It's been a long time since I've seen Matt having to check the rules so much

Man, 40d6 and using the metamagic to change the fire into thunder, that's just, if it's Imogen that kills it, while using the gift from the Arch Heart, that's just, I can't imagine a better way for this to go

234 points of damage, let's fucking go!

Imogen did more than 400 points of damage in this fight, that's just, insane

I imagine Liliana somewhere just watching everything that has happened in the last 3 fights

Oh, look, there she is

"I can hold my breath forever"; "TELL ME MORE". Oh Liam

Oh no, the whole army of Vasselheim's already on Ruidus

The gods and their representatives are REALLY terrified of Imogen right now

Well, this is certainly gonna be interesting. Like, even beforehand the idea of trying to parlay or convince every single god was, well, difficult to say the least. But also having to content with all their followers and warriors, damn.

Glad that they're keeping Ryn with them, since, if I read Orym's idea completely, they'll need both a way to visit the gods, but also, a way to get out of Vasselheim in case things turn sour.

Also, it's worth mentioning, I'm not on the "Bells Hells are villains" bandwagon, but also, Ludinus was on to something when he told them that they might be perceived as such, especially since, you know, how even the Ruiner was terrified of the mere presence of Imogen now that she's bound with Predathos.

[itsanerdlife]

Bad At Love 20

Pairing: Howie Stark x Barton!Reader

Warnings: Bullying. Language. Lying. Rude behavior. Belittling. Jealousy.

When Clint brought his sister home, it was supposed to be simple, training the next Barton. With one simple rule, Baby Barton is off limits, no matter to who. The only one with a problem, Howie Stark. Baby Barton and Stark don’t exactly get along, but how long is Howie willing to push her away till he has a choice to make or lose out.

A/N: I finally finished this, and have gotten around to posting it. I expect it won't get notes but at least I can say I finished it and posted it.

“Ow.” I flinch from Sam’s hands.

“Pretty sure you cracked at least one rib.” He puts his hands up, stepping back from me.

“I’m calling my dad.” Howie pulls his phone out.

“What? Why?” I blink at him.

“Steve land on Med Bay.” Howie orders, texting on his phone.

“Howie,” I sigh, wincing. He looks up, worry on his face.

“He’ll have med bay set up, ready for you.” He looks at me as if that was an obvious answer, his eyes stuck on the butterfly stitches on my forehead.

“It’s not bad enough we need to land at Med Bay.” I watch him.

He stares at me for a moment.

“I should have been closer.” He whispers, stepping closer to me. “You didn’t track your blow back, Y/N.” His phone in my lap, his hands holding the sides of my head, tipping my head to look up at him.

“I don’t need you breathing down my neck, I messed up once.” I whisper.

“You’re right, I’ve messed up twice now. I should know better.” He speaks softly between us.

Taking a slow breath, I watch him. “It was never your fault, not now, not before.” I plead up at him to believe me. He shakes his head slowly.

“I’ve aged watching you hit the ground.” He sighs, kissing my forehead softly.

“So dramatic Stark, you were already old to begin with.” I smirk at him. He sighs at me, rolling his eyes.

Limping down the ramp of the jet, Tony steps out of the elevator.

“Barton, you’re just a magnate for trouble.” He smirks at me.

“Dad, not the time for jokes.” Howie scolds his father.

“I mean, Barton stands for makes bad choices.” I smirk back.

“Y/N,” Howie sighs.

“Fifty says he builds her a nano bubble.” Peter looks over at Sam.

“Hundred says he builds her a suit.” Sam snickers.

They chuckle together.

“Don’t give him ideas, assholes.” I sigh, letting Nat help carry my weight towards the elevator.

“Can anyone be serious, right now?” Howie sighs, stepping on to the elevator with us.

“He’s totally grounding her from missions.” Bucky shakes his head.

“He’s going to make her blow up broke down trucks, till she learns.” Steve sighs.

“Oh man,” I groan dropping my head to Nat’s shoulder as she snickers silently.

“Peter, have Jarvis search junk yards.” Howie orders, watching the floors tick by.

“How are those daddy issues now?” Nat snorts.

I whine, leaning heavily on her. “I’ve made mistakes.” I wince.

Howie’s head snaps over, a glare on his face.

Bucky snorts loudly, looking away. Nat grins. Tony chuckles softly.

The elevator doors open, exposing us to Clint.

“Y/N!?” He blurts out.

“Oh, it got so much worse.” I look at Nat.

“Easy Clint, she’s whole.” She assures him.

We’re barely off the elevator before he’s crowding me.

“Clint,” I sigh.

“I can’t believe this happened. What happened to the buddy system?!” He demands.

“How did you know we were here.” I shove his hands away from my face.

“I was tracking the jet.” He replies as if this is normal.

“Jesus, Clint.” I groan, wincing as I attempt to shove his hands away again.

“What’s wrong, what hurts?” He panics.

“You Clint, you’re killing me!” I blurt out loudly. “Get out of my face!” Everyone gets quiet. My mouth slowly closes as I realize what I’ve just done.

“You’re my sister, I’m supposed to protect you.” Clint stares at me in shock.

“You’re my brother!” I huff. “Brother, not father! You’re a smother’er.” I stare at him.

“Smother’er?” He blinks at me.

“Darlin,” Howie whispers next to me.

“Get away from my sister, Stark.” Clint snarls.

“You get away from your sister!” I snap at him. “Go away! I can get patched up by myself! Just like you have a million times! Go away Clint.” I sigh, wincing.

He stares at me for a moment before he looks from me to Howie.

“So you’re picking him, to help you, do you remember the last time,” he starts.

“I never blamed him for the first time, I don’t this time, do you really want to know who I blame Clint!?” I suddenly yell at him. “You! I fucking have always blamed you!”

Everyone shifts, uncomfortably.

Clint stares back at me in shock.

“I blame you. Because to you I’m not an equal, I’m your fucking puppet.” I scoff. “Go away, and yeah Clint, I pick Howie.” I shift, letting go of Nat. Howie steps in instantly, taking her place. Clint moves to step forward, Buck cuts him off. Howie leads me away towards a waiting nurse.

“No offense, but aren’t you behind in paperwork?” He looks down at Clint. “I’ll be her brother, since you can’t get it together.” Clint scoffs, looking angry. “Oh, and I was her buddy on this mission, so if you’re ready to fight, you’re fighting me.”

Clint steps back looking shocked.

“I don’t want him near my sister.” Clint huffs, hands on his hips.

“I don’t think she gives a damn about what you want.” Nat points out.

“Nat,” he sighs.

“I think it’s best you walk away; she made her choice clear.” Peter pats Clint on the shoulder.

“And you’re all just okay with this random nice moment from Howie?” He scoffs loudly.

They exchange a look around him.

“Random?” Steve lifts a brow.

“I think you just refuse to see the good in Howie.” Bucky nods.

“He’s actually very nice to your sister, you just refuse to see it.” Peter points out.

Clint’s staring back in wild confusion.

----------

“You do have a concussion.” The nurse announces. “You’ll stay and be watched.”

“Who’s staying with her?” Sam asks.

“I will.” Howie sits up in the chair next to her bed.

“You don’t have too,” she sighs.

“Good luck trying to pry me from this chair.” He winks at her.

“We’ll come check on you guys.” Nat pats Howie on the shoulder.

“Enjoy your night.” She waves as they shuffle out.

“Call if you need anything.” Peter stops locking eyes with him.

He nods. “Jarvis on speed dial.” He smiles at his brother.

“I’ll come running.” Peter nods.

“I’ll beat him.” Bucky winks at them.

She grins, watching them go.

“You didn’t have to stay.” She sighs looking at him.

“I didn’t have too, I want too. I don’t have a place I’d rather be then right where you are.” He smiles at her.

“Think we can watch Adam Sandler movies?” She grins at him.

“I’ll have Jarvis order pizza.” He chuckles, getting up from his chair he slides into the other side of her large hospital bed, settling in next to her. Throwing up a hologram from his phone, scrolling through the Adam Sandler movies she loves. She settles in, head on his shoulder, curled up to his side.

---------- Everything Peaches 9/21/24 @mo320 @ml7010 @babizza @kmc1989 @coley0823 @aiva-gwen-aers @royal-sunflower @camelliasblossom @shinycupcakebaker @purpleeclipseeggsland @daughterofthenight117 @hisredheadedgoddess28

Howie 'Damn Boy' Stark: @its-crystalli

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 14 Sleuthing and Scantrons

Welcome back to Fantasy High where we are back from winter break and hitting the ground running starting with our girl Kristen who just learned that the proselytizing patriarch of the Dawn clan–Bobby Dawn–is her new Cleric teacher. 

Kristen decides to not make waves and just vibe out the situation. Bobby isn’t doing anything obviously out of pocket like calling people heathens, but his vibe is way preacher-y than Yolanda’s more neutral academic style and Kristen can clock that he’s giving certain kids a harder time than others (likely based on their choice of deity). 

We’re still on downtime so let’s run through Kristen's tracks. 

She thinks about doing a Mystery roll to learn more about Ankarna but rolls Academics first for a 19. A+.

Next, she rolls Popularity and she specifically wants to hit up Gertie. She passes with room to spare on a 21 and, amidst some awkward flirting that at least Gertie seems super into, asks her some questions about the Devil’s Honey. Gertie says that she hasn’t made a ton–just a few bottles. The nectar you need to make it is pretty rare. Her client (the trucks and thus, presumably KP) ordered two bottles right after the new year which is twice as many as she got last time. Kristen tries to get Gertie to switch the honey with a placebo but Gertie isn’t willing to lie so she settles for Gertie reporting back on if they ask for any more (which is logged into the school records anyway). With the logs, Kristen can see that the first delivery of Devil's Nectar happened a week or two after spring break last year--this is before Lucy even died. 

After that she has a Relationship roll and wants to finally have that chat with her parents. On a 27 they have a reasonably cordial meeting at Krom’s Diner. Her whole fam is there–brothers and parents. Her parents are pretty happy that Bobby Dawn is the new cleric teacher (though the have a foot in mouth moment when they realize that Yolanda was murdered and not fired like they thought and that they were basically just celebrating a woman’s non-Helio sanctioned murder).Bucky’s happy to see his sister and a little bummed that he hasn’t been able to convert anyone in his party to Helioism. 

She asks how her parents feel about Gal and their vibe is like, “Shrug, she’s fine.” Not Helio but she’s not infernal or anything. Kristen floats the idea of her attending church one Sunday–not to come back to the church, just to observe and for her class–but her parents are practically salivating at the opportunity to bring her back into the fold. Her mom specifically points out that it seems kismet that she, as Helio’s chosen (even if she’s not currently in the church), was the one to bring back the sun. 

Bucky catches a glimpse of Kristen’s Cass shards and asks about them but, before she can tell him much, her parents cut her off and end the encounter. They tell Kristen they’ll pay for her bill so, naturally, she runs up a huge tab. 

Final roll is for her campaign and she gets a Nat 20! She is absolutely crushing it–and why wouldn’t she be? She’s a world saving, total stud who rides with the coolest kid at school, a literal rockstar, and the people’s dork. And her opponent is Kipperlilly, ultimate bad vibes generator. Kristen and KP have a tense standoff where Kristen asks her what’s she’s trying to forget with the devil’s honey and KP tells her to fuck herself. 

All of the Bad Kids square up, ready to throw hands on the spot but Oisin–wizard of the Rat Grinders–breaks it up. There is a long beat of the Bad Kids trying to recruit Mary Ann for reasons that are beyond me that you’ll just have to watch for yourself and the Bad Kids declare that all the RG’s are a lost cause except for her. Adaine, in an uncharacteristically un-aggro move for her–says that the wizard actually seems kind of cool and Brennan asks for a Perception check. 

She rolls like trash but everyone wants to know what the cute wizard thinks about her and social engineer some romance for their girl so they pile on the buffs to turn her four into a dirty 20. With them coaxing her to pay better attention, they see that Oisin is waiting to say something to her–he casts the Message cantrip and gives her a quick, “Sorry,” to apologize for her friends’ behavior. Then their whole crew heads out. Fig reveals that she’s the one behind the entire Complicated Women Podcast. Where does your web of deceit end Figueroth???

Next up to run through tracks is Gorgug. 

First track is Barb and he crushes it with a 26. Porter is so proud. A+!

Next is Artificer (Brennan only makes him roll once, not three times) and he gets a 31! He’s officially a Barbificer which means he can hold concentration on pre-cast spells while raging. Henry is super proud of him too! He gets some more cool gadgets so he’s all twins-y with Riz. Green guys with gadgets! 

His next track is Mystery and here’s where things get juicy. He wants to dig into Henry’s deal and, with Flash of Genius, gets a 20. He snoops around Henry's desk before his class one day and finds a note from Ruben asking for a ride home, nothing about the Cloud Rider engine, and some Grix parts along with his notes which seem to indicate that fixing Grix isn't his top priority and he's gonna leave it until Aguefort is back. Suddenly, Gorgug hears something from outside the door--a conversation between Henry and Jace. Jace says that he got Henry's letter about Ruben and he's just there to assure him that everything is fine. Henry doesn't sound super assured and wants to have a more in depth meeting but Jace gets pretty aggro pretty quick. He says he's too busy for that and they should meet at the school year when Aguefort is back and when Henry pushes back on that, Jace Misty Steps to be all up in his face and says he should keep his fucking nose out of other people's business. Henry walks into the class, clearly shaken, and Gorgug plays dumb effectively, slipping on his headphones like he didn’t hear anything. 

Finally, he rolls Owlbears and fails. Rather than push it (which would make him take his fifth token) he decides his heart isn’t in it and drops Owlbears. Fabian and Gorthalax are both disappointed, even though they understand. Riz gets promoted from off the bench to fill his spot, much to his glee. Fabian and Kristen both try to roll relaxation but they fail (which has no mechanical downside).

Speaking of Riz, let’s do his tracks next!

As always he does Academics first and rolls a 31. DC to find the Rogue Prof is 30 which means he’s right on her trail! We don’t resolve that this episode but Brennan says that he finds Eugenia Shadow’s (the teacher) death records which means that, as they suspected from episode 1 of this season, she’s almost certainly a ghost. 

Extracurriculars with disadvantage is a dirty 20 so he’s still on top of those. 

Third roll is a Mystery roll to try and figure out how the Rat Grinders became the Rat Grinder from the High 5 Heroes. A 23 is only enough for some basic clues which are as follows. From Gertie, he learns that part of what makes Devil’s Honey work to make you a good liar is it makes you in the moment believe what you’re saying which erases some of the tells of lying from your expression and body language. It also allows you to lie without speaking which is useful for Wizards speaking telepathically AND for its original purpose: lying in prayer. Fig thinks this could maybe be used to pray effectively through doubt. Riz also catches Jawbone (who just finished giving a muffin to a hard at work Adaine–cute!) and asks about Kipperlily and her finding the rogue teacher. Jawbone says it was all above board though she did find her crazy fast–8:01 on the first day, literally the first minute it was possible. (Adaine/Shiv remembers at this point that she has ethereal vision and can def help Riz find a ghost). Jawbone mentions that the people at the morgue are trying to do something about the runes on Lucy and Yolanda and racing the clock before rezzing them because borderline impossible--they're getting close to the one year limit with Lucy. Riz knows there’s more info he can get but it would mean stealing the file from Jawbone and listen. He’s a good guy rule follower but he’s also a Rogue baybee. Nat 20 to snatch it with Jawbone none the wiser. Brennan says that he’ll properly dig into it later but, for at a quick glance, he sees that she's been coming to the counselor since Freshman year for anger issues and that his name is in the file for some reason. Mysterious!

Fourth roll is Owlbears and, with a portent roll from Adaine, he manages to hang on and not totally flame out. I like to imagine she literally used her oracle magic to predict what was gonna happen and drilled the moves he needed to not get tackled into his head like DDR steps. 

Last up is our girl Fig!

She does her Work track first and actually works on her album properly for the first time in ages. With an insane plus 20 to Performance (????) she gets an ungodly 38 and writes the most metal song ever which is an 8 minute epic about gods and devils which requires Adaine to make a magical copy of Gorgug just so he can play the drum part. It’s called Dawn of Justice and it rocks so epically hard that she is able to inadvertently magically call dibs on Ankarna. No one can rez the goddess but her. She also casts Find Greater Steed and is able to summon the horse that Ankarna used the gifted wedding bridle on So, clearly Fig took those warnings about Ankarna finding worshippers super to heart! 

[Note: My notes say that the bridle was a gift from Ruvina to Cass actually, but hey. I guess when you're married what's mine is yours and all that.]

Next track is Paladin and she gets a 29. A+! While she’s working with Porter, she asks him about the Mountains of Chaos which she thinks is on another plane but he clarifies it’s just up north and parties go there to clear dungeons all the time–including the Rat Grinders many times. That’s news to me because this is the first we’re hearing of them doing anything besides stepping on rats. 

Next for Fig is Mystery and she wants to use her Dream spell to visit Lola. In Lola's dream, she's remembering a email between her and Ruben about the podcast (Fig realizes she never followed up on that) and also she sees that Lola was talking to Ruben with Jace CC'd. Fig appears as herself in the dream and tries to be like, “Hey, I talked to Jace, cut me in on the plan.” Lola wants to know if she wants to go back on tour because Ruben just canceled, which surprised both me and Fig. But Fig hides it well and is like, “Yeah, Ruben just canceled, that’s why I want in.” She gets a Nat 1 Insight so Lola seems pretty clueless about a plan. When Fig floats the idea of Jace being a part of a plan to summon a god, Lola says she has no idea what she's talking about and Jace isn't a planner, he just gets in her way. But what she sees as him being a nuisance looks a lot like clues. Apparently Jace doesn't want Ruben touring and he was the one who made Ruben get Frosty Folk moved to the Thislespring Tree. Fig stores away that info and then warps the dream into something normal (by dream standards) to cover her tracks as she gets out of there. 

Lastly, she wants to leave a note for Zara saying, “Hey not coming to class this week” but Brennan has her roll and apparently the note is an excellent example of attempting to get your way that Zara respects because it’s still a 34 and and A+! Our kids are doing really well!

Except, here’s the thing. They’re not actually. Or at least, Kristen isn’t. It’s mid April now, just like IRL, and grades have come out. Kristen is failing Cleric classes again. She’s expelled. 

Everyone is outraged. She’s been working so hard under insanely difficult circumstances! They march to Jawbone’s office to get answers and he sees the problem. Yolanda made allowances that let her be a cleric with a dead god but Bobby got rid of that. He said no god is an automatic failure. Riz is so stressed that he elects to take a fourth stress token. Gotta respect Murph for the move but that’s crazy. 

[Note: This doesn’t become relevant in this ep but it’s mentioned around here so I just wanna say, Riz hasn’t had a chance to dig into KP’s file yet but there’s something about her going to a cemetery in Ashgrove which he connects to the ghost Rogue teacher. Also, they all share the info they learned in downtime.]

ANYWAY, the Bad Kids are ready to throw hands once again and head for Bobby Dawn’s classroom, but Kristen has them all wait in the hall while she confronts him and she tries a novel tactic. She goes in crying. She claims that her Cass shards have been destroyed and that she’s lost and directionless. She gets a 26 on her Deception and Adaine, with all the quiet confidence of the elven Oracle, says that Bobby gets a 1 on his Insight roll. Kristen says she’s ready to come back to the fold and allows Bobby to pray with her but when she asks about the paperwork to get her reinstated at school, he’s not interested in that. He believes that she’s sincere but he’s not gonna break rules or make allowances for her. Kristen gets the sense that he actively wants her to be expelled for some reason and he got what he wanted. 

Her friends are outside, practically salivating as they get ready to kick some Foghorn Leghorn ass, but Jawbone shows up and says that they qualify for The Last Standard–aka the Last Stand Exam–and they all decide that that’s a better first option than murdering ANOTHER faculty member. As Kristen leaves, Bobby Dawn gives her a bit of advice that seems to point to her falling in line and being Helio’s chosen again and Kristen calls him a control freak and says he’ll never win–which is a satisfying way to leave a room but a waste of a great Deception roll! The other kids cast various spells on him so he smells like shit the rest of the day because they’re all loyal, petty gremlins. 

Jawbone explains what exactly the Last Stand is. It’s an endurance test that replicates the conditions of a desperate last stand. They’ll have to answer questions while waves and waves of monsters try to kill them. Adaine and Riz are the only ones excited about the questions. There will be 12 questions (two for each of them) and a proctor. They lose 30 points (Out of 100)  if the proctor (who is some rando named Gavin Pundle) dies. There will be a cleric on hand to rez them if they die but it’s more like when they die. We don’t learn this until later but this isn’t an exam where you’re not expected to TPK. But hypothetically you could stay up the whole time because there’s a limited amount of monsters. Also, it’s not like you die, you're out. Kristen can still rez her friends. It’s just a TPK that ends it all. And one more piece of info I’m gonna give you early to keep the rules together. The questions they have to answer are not rolls. They are timed questions/challenges that the actual at the table players have to answer in real life. But they do have a lifetime. Remember how Gorgug won a mysterious academic resource for getting double Nat 20s in his classes earlier in the year? Well that gets the party a stamp that they can use on two of their questions before the time runs out to skip it without penalty. OK, that’s everything! Got it? Good. The Bad Kids get a good night’s sleep and the next day, it’s time for the Last Stand! 

The Last Stand is held in some kind of extra dimensional pocket dimension full of illusory, cheering Agueforts. Buddy Dawn is the volunteer cleric on duty and the group seems wary of him even though he’s taken a divine oath that will strip him of his magic if he fails to rez them.

Because the Bad Kids are doing so well in school, they get a grace period to set up a bunch of buffs and readied actions and stuff. You already know the drill–I’m not gonna do a play by play of every single spell, buff, and attack for this fight but I’ll give highlights. Kristen casts Death Ward on the proctor (great forethought) and Adaine summons Moggy the Doggy to protect him. Fabian has the Hangman and summons some rats (Adaine is happy that Fabian is using her present). Adaine summons the Dry Guys and does Mirror Image. Fig disguises herself as the Proctor, summons Ankarna’s fiery steed as well as spirit guardians, and does Armor of Ayda on herself and her mount. Riz has his Mage Hand out. I’m sure I’m missing stuff but the point is, they’re buffed as hell and ready to go. They pump themselves up with a Hoot Growl chant and then it’s off to the races!

The first wave of monsters includes an otyugh, a gorgon, a steel bull, a hydra, skeletons, and three ochre jellies. Brennan tells them that they’re literally at adventuring school so it’s not meta gaming to know things like you have to cauterize a Hyrdra’s neck lest two more heads grow in its place or that jellies are weak to fire. 

Highlights!

Riz does CRAZY damage with all his rogue stuff. Adaine and Gorgug do a cool tag team where he cuts a Hydra head off by boomeranging its head off with an ax before she cauterizes it with a Chromatic Orb. Emily/Fig throws away her dice cause she’s rolling SO BAD.

At the top of the next round, Riz gets the first folder with a test question. There is one marked Investigation and one marked History. He grabs the Investigation and Brennan hands him an actual Scantron (everyone hated that) with the phrase “Bony Girth” written on it before turning over an hourglass. They’re allowed to work together on these and we get to see some teamwork in action. Ally and Murph both realize right away that it’s an anagram. Murph gets the word Night and Ally hits him and says, “Night Yorb!” A “Correct” stamp graphic hits the dome. They got one! 

Fabian goes for a folder as well and his choices are Athletics and Common. He goes for Athletics but the desk turns out to be a mimic and attacks him. He just tanks the damage because he doesn’t have the time to fight it. This is a multiple choice question about who the Owlbears’ rival team is. They're between the Buccaneers and the Hellions. Siobhan thinks it’s the Buccaneers since Bastion City is right nearby but realizes that Lou is correct when he says that that’s actually the professional team that Ragh is trying out for, not their high school team. Lou says Hudol Hellions and that’s another one in the bag! 

More highlights!

Fabian makes quick work of the Hydra, doing a ton of fancy Fighter moves to cleave the rest of its heads and then sending in the Hangman in dog form to fire breath all the neck stumps. Fig Fireballs the otyugh and two of the jellies! Gorgug gets TWO NAT 20s in a row plus another hit to get the bull from 100% to bloodied. 

And to close out the episode, Kristen sends a quick prayer up to Cass and then does Turn Undead, destroying all the skeletons on the field. Whatever else happens in this fight, you can’t deny that the Bad Kids are off to an amazing start. Let’s hope they can keep the momentum going as we head into the second half of the Last Stand, next week!

Detention

Bobby Dawn for Failing Kristen

I knew I wouldn’t need to wait long to put him on my shit list. He can absolutely go to hell for saying that letting Kristen remain in class was “against the rules” somehow. That’s a simple exercise of discretion! And if anything, isn’t it more impressive that Kristen is still running circles around other clerics with a dead(ish) god? That her god is still able to communicate with her in this state? ALSO, if we’re getting technical, Cass isn’t actually dead! We've established that. She’s, as Miracle Max said, only mostly dead which is still partially alive! I know this needed to happen to force the Last Stand but he can still jump into a lake. I hate that, even when she's actually earnestly and effectively applying herself, Kristen is getting smacked down by the system.

(Also, I have to assume Helio died for three days at some point and came back since he’s basically frat bro corn Jesus. Gods die and come back! It’s a thing! It’s a thing that they do!)

Honor Roll

All of the Bad Kids for Loyalty and Badassery

I really couldn’t pick this week so I decided to just give it to all of them. I tried to do a more in depth recap this week to really highlight the coolness of everyone. I think they have especially good team synergy this week from trying to help Adaine get her kisses in to being ready to throw down for Kristen. And everyone got at least one major piece of Mystery info in their downtime rolls. Not to mention how strong they came out for the first part of the Last Stand. I’m just super impressed and I love them individually and as a unit!

Random Thoughts

OK so obviously the biggest red flag right now is Jace. As I pointed out in the last recap, he was there talking to Kalina in the conversation Ragh saw and now we have two more suspicious actions from him. Now I’m questioning his other actions too. Like, making Riz a part of the interim staff. Was that in order to make sure he fell under the staff category for an ulterior motive bylaws related reason? And is he fully working with The Rat Grinders? He’s a sorc but what origin? What if he’s divine soul and wrapped into this god stuff somehow?

(This could be nothing but the other big loose end besides the above that’s been stuck in my craw in Soph year is Sandra-Lynn talking about a couple that made things hard for her and I’ve always wondered if Jace was involved there.)   

Handing a Nat 1 portent roll to your DM must feel like doing drugs. 

Kipperlily had had rage issues since Freshman year, huh? Does that mean she’s been in league with the corrupted Ankarna since then or just a really easy target? And why would Riz’s name be in her file? I so badly want to know what else is in that file. Brennan, I know you need to control the pacing of the story to some degree but in no world does Riz see his name in that file and go, “Welp I’ll check that out later.” Absolutely not. 

Also, two more Rat Grinder points. KP ordered the honey BEFORE Lucy died? That’s suspicious. And Porter confirmed that they’ve been to the Mountains of Chaos many times which means our understanding of their activities has been off. Like, I suppose it’s obvious that they must have been doing more than literally just stepping on rats because we know they’re making moves, but this seems a bit out of left field. Though it does answer the question of what they likely did for their Sophomore Year quest because that’s been incongruent. Multiple times is also pretty suspicious. That points to going there for a specific reason. Also, that’s where the celestial gods were traveling en route to Cass’s wedding. Maybe there’s a connection there. Were they searching for Ankarna’s name?

Maybe I’m just being paranoid and I know Riz literally tattooed Night Yorb stuff onto his body of his own free will but a part of me wonders whether a part of that wasn’t a bit of Sol/Helio manipulation trying to get Kristen back as a cleric. Like, her mom is right. Her bringing back the sun could have been a dramatic prodigal daughter moment. 

Buddy mentioned Bucky being “led astray” a few eps ago and I’m really curious to know exactly what that means because he seemed to be mostly in good little paladin mode this ep besides some slight curiosity about Kristen’s shards. 

In addition to the moment with Bobby Dawn, Kristen tipped her hand AGAIN In this ep to when she revealed that she knew about the Devil’s Honey. Like, girl. I know you love a dramatic mic drop but keep some secrets, damn!

Curious about what was written on the physical note that Emily gave Brennan when she said she was skipping Zara’s class.

Where did Ally’s “girl Winnie the Pooh” bit come from? It was so confident and out of nowhere that I burst out laughing. 

Brennan has been doing such a great job with battle eps this season. We’ve had back to back bangers with really creative mechanics. I can’t wait to see what the other questions are! (This is why I always say I identify with Adaine and Riz most of the BKs)

“The Last Stand” and “Dawn of Justice” are both subtitles of superhero movies. That doesn’t mean anything. It’s just weird that it happened twice. Two nickels and all. 

Saved this for last–yessssss Oisin. Be apologetic about your friends being weird. Take the extra time to personally apologize to Adaine and only Adaine while her friends to air traffic control signals to get her to pay attention to you. Very happy that everyone at the table seems to be as invested in making this happen as I am (and that Adaine volunteered that she thought Oisin could maybe be cool even when she could have demurred or said nothing or been really harsh like she usually is with the Ratgrinders). I especially love Fig being like, “We’re trying to make this romance happen!” Like, hey girl I got me my wizard paramour, let’s get you yours. Get you a ride or die friend like that. 

One last thing! It’s my birthday on Friday and, to celebrate, I made my thesis visual novel free on itch.io for the weekend. It’s called A Tale of Two Sisters and it’s very meta and fairy tale-y and sincere. I put a lot of hard work into it and, if you enjoy my recaps, I’d appreciate you checking it out and leaving a review. Again, it’s totally free for the weekend! I have another game on there that you can check out but that one's free all the time. 

[asexual-disaster]

‼️FHJY EP 2 SPOILERS ‼️

all my thoughts about episode two of junior year !! it’s a long one :)

The little scenes when they describe their attacks and moves where the minis are acting it out is so cute

‘A mega version of Riz’s mage hand’

They all look so good. But especially Ally and Murph omg

Adaine’s first turn was actually pretty sick

And Gorgugs wtf

AND KRISTENS TO MAKE IT BLOODED PLS

‘Do you have mass healing word? Would you be interested in doing that?’

‘Brennan you’re literally bullying us’

‘You can try, oh it does hit’

ARMOUR OF AYDA crying

These beans are DUE

Murph starting to roll like shit again

Fabian flirting with efac again

‘I punch the mirror’ ‘I punch Kristen twice’

Lou Nat one again to get out the van ‘I’m going to throw up’

In two turns Lou only needs a 2 to not get crushed by the van, and twice he rolls a nat one

‘For you to half or third or whatever you do since it has multiple attacks’

Adaine death fail instead of taking a Dex save wtf

‘You don’t have it written down! I thought you read the book’

ECAF NOOOO

‘Look somewhere else’

I need a full story of Balthazar and Duggan, THEY WERE LOVERS

Murphs sleeves being short enough to show off his tattoos, I might disintegrate

What is with these kids and crashing vehicles

Ally throwing their dice

‘With my wizarding powers and my absolutely fucked van’

‘Just don’t roll a one and this is over.’ ‘NAT 20’

Gorgug IS the greatest wizard of our time

DUGGAN NO. At least he’s with Balthazar now :(

Moggy the doggy crit <3

‘Can I get under that hood a lil bit’

‘Give me a tinkerers room check’ ‘I don’t have that’

‘It’s limp silk’

‘Fabian, photosynthesis is back!!’

It just ain’t the same

‘I don’t even cutting words. I just take it’

‘I’m feeling a little unhinged’

‘Love is love’

Gorgug double crit, my boy <3

The enemy rolling two Nat ones and shooting himself in the eye

Murph dying of laughter of these guys showing up late

‘Nat 20’ ‘are you serious?’ Balthazar is everywhere

Adaine would’ve got a job, Fabian would’ve gone to dance camp, Gorgug would’ve worked on his van ; THEYRE JUST KIDS

But Riz is just happy they got to spend the summer together STOP MY SON

‘I do a half hearted prayer of healing just because I don’t trust you’

‘This was supposed to be an in and out deal but I got involved and I regret it’

‘Hey girlie,,, heyyy girlieee’

HALLARIEL ART, UGH SHES SO HOT

Gilear x Hallerial wedding WHEN

There’s something so sad about Fabian, who’s been coddled his whole life, being abandoned and left to fend for himself in a massive house

SKLONDA MY FIRST AND ONLY LOVE

Sklonda talking to Riz about college and how she doesn’t know if she can afford it for him

Riz just wants to go to college with everyone stop :(( him and adaine are fine there grades are good, but he needs to make sure he finds a place that suits the others please!!!!

WILMA AND DIGBY I LOVE U !! THEYRE SO CUTE

WAIT DID GORGUG AND ZELDA BREAK UP?? THEY ARE NOT THE COUPLE THAT WAS MEANT TO SPLIT !! Although calling it rn they’re getting back together

‘The elven oracle, the Saint of mystery and doubt, and the archdevil of rebellion’ THATS MY GIRLS!!!

RAGH AND LYDIA ART I MIGHT SOB

Kristen never told anyone she changed gods (I guess twice now?), Fig still hasn’t been to a bard class. They’re so funny

WE GOT AYDA ART!!!!

Ayda leaving Fig fossils to say she loves her her!!

Aelwyn putting protective wards on adaines bedroom to keep adaine safe :((

Cassandra my love,, but also it should not be up to a literal child who has just came out a religious cult to keep you alive and all that.

[whileiamdying]

Eartha Kitt, a Seducer of Audiences, Dies at 81

By Rob Hoerburger Dec. 25, 2008

Eartha Kitt, who purred and pounced her way across Broadway stages, recording studios and movie and television screens in a show-business career that lasted more than six decades, died on Thursday. She was 81 and lived in Connecticut.

The cause was colon cancer, said her longtime publicist, Andrew E. Freedman.

Ms. Kitt, who began performing in the late ’40s as a dancer in New York, went on to achieve success and acclaim in a variety of mediums long before other entertainment multitaskers like Julie Andrews, Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler.

Eartha Kitt in 1960, performing on British television in “Sunday Night at the Palladium.”Credit...Popperfoto/Getty Images

With her curvaceous frame and unabashed vocal come-ons, she was also, along with Lena Horne, among the first widely known African-American sex symbols. Orson Welles famously proclaimed her “the most exciting woman alive” in the early ’50s, apparently just after that excitement prompted him to bite her onstage during a performance of “Time Runs,” an adaptation of “Faust” in which Ms. Kitt played Helen of Troy.

Ms. Kitt’s career-long persona, that of the seen-it-all sybarite, was set when she performed in Paris cabarets in her early 20s, singing songs that became her signatures, like “C’est Si Bon” and “Love for Sale.”

Eartha Kitt in 2007. She was an Emmy winner this year.Credit ... Judith Pszenica for The New York Times

Returning to New York, she was cast on Broadway in “New Faces of 1952” and added another jewel to her vocal crown, “Monotonous” (“Traffic has been known to stop for me/Prices even rise and drop for me/Harry S. Truman plays bop for me/Monotonous, monotone-ous”). Brooks Atkinson wrote in The New York Times in May 1952, “Eartha Kitt not only looks incendiary, but she can make a song burst into flame.” 

Shortly after that run, Ms. Kitt had her first best-selling albums and recorded her biggest hit, “Santa Baby,” whose precise, come-hither diction and vaguely foreign inflections (Ms. Kitt, a native of South Carolina, spoke four languages and sang in seven) proved that a vocal sizzle could be just as powerful as a bonfire. Though her record sales fell after the rise of rhythm and blues and rock ’n’ roll in the mid- and late ’50s, her singing style would later be the template for other singers with pillow-talky voices like Diana Ross (who has said she patterned her Supremes sound and look largely after Ms. Kitt), Janet Jackson and Madonna (who recorded a cover version of “Santa Baby” in 1987).

Eartha Kitt with Nat King Cole in “St. Louis Blues (1958). Credit ... Associated Press

Ms. Kitt would later call herself “the original material girl,” a reference not only to her stage creation and to Madonna but also to her string of romances with rich or famous men, including Welles, the cosmetics magnate Charles Revson and the banking heir John Barry Ryan 3rd. She was married to her one husband, Bill McDonald, a real-estate developer, from 1960 to 1965; their daughter, Kitt Shapiro, survives her, as do two grandchildren.

From practically the beginning of her career, as critics gushed over Ms. Kitt, they also began to describe her in every feline term imaginable: her voice “purred” or “was like catnip”; she was a “sex kitten” who “slinked” or was “on the prowl” across the stage, sometimes “flashing her claws.” Her career has often been said to have had “nine lives.” Appropriately, she was tapped to play Catwoman in the 1960s TV series “Batman,” taking over the role from the leggier, lynxlike Julie Newmar and bringing to it a more feral, compact energy.

Eartha Kitt performing in Manhattan in 2006. Credit ... Michelle V. Agins/The New York Times

Yet for all the camp appeal and sexually charged hauteur of Ms. Kitt’s cabaret act, she also played serious roles, appearing in the films “The Mark of the Hawk” with Sidney Poitier (1957) and “Anna Lucasta” (1959) with Sammy Davis Jr. She made numerous television appearances, including a guest spot on “I Spy” in 1965, which brought her her first Emmy nomination. 

For these performances Ms. Kitt likely drew on the hardship of her early life. She was born Eartha Mae Keith in North, S.C., on Jan. 17, 1927, a date she did not know until about 10 years ago, when she challenged students at Benedict College in Columbia, S.C., to find her birth certificate, and they did. She was the illegitimate child of a black Cherokee sharecropper mother and a white man about whom Ms. Kitt knew little. She worked in cotton fields and lived with a black family who, she said, abused her because she looked too white. “They called me yella gal,” Ms. Kitt said.

Eartha Kitt posing for her London stage show “Talk of the Town” in 1960. Credit ... Central Press/Getty Images

At 8 she was sent to live in Harlem with an aunt, Marnie Kitt, who Ms. Kitt came to believe was really her biological mother. Though she was given piano and dance lessons, a pattern of abuse developed there as well: Ms. Kitt would be beaten, she would run away and then she would return. By her early teenage years she was working in a factory and sleeping in subways and on the roofs of unlocked buildings. (She would later become an advocate, through Unicef, on behalf of homeless children.)

Her show-business break came on a lark, when a friend dared her to audition for the Katherine Dunham Dance Company. She passed the audition and permanently escaped the cycle of poverty and abuse that defined her life till then.

Eartha Kitt performing at the Café Carlyle in 2007. Credit ... Richard Termine for The New York Times

But she took the steeliness with her, in a willful, outspoken manner that mostly served her career, except once. In 1968 she was invited to a White House luncheon and was asked by Lady Bird Johnson about the Vietnam War. She replied: “You send the best of this country off to be shot and maimed. No wonder the kids rebel and take pot.” The remark reportedly caused Mrs. Johnson to burst into tears and led to a derailment in Ms. Kitt’s career. 

As bookings dried up, she was exiled in Europe for almost a decade. But President Jimmy Carter invited her back to the White House in 1978, and that year she earned her first Tony nomination for her work in “Timbuktu!,” an all-black remake of “Kismet.” 

By now a diva and legend, Ms. Kitt did what many other divas and legends — Shirley Bassey and Ethel Merman among them — did: she dabbled in dance music, scoring her biggest hit in 30 years with “Where Is My Man” in 1984, the same year she was roundly criticized for touring South Africa. Ms. Kitt was typically unapologetic; the tour, she said, played to integrated audiences and helped build schools for black children.

The third of her three autobiographies, “I’m Still Here: Confessions of a Sex Kitten,” was published in 1989, and she earned a Grammy nomination for “Back in Business,” a collection of cabaret songs released in 1994. 

As Ms. Kitt began the sixth decade of her career, she was still active. In 2000 she received her second Tony nomination, for best featured actress in a musical in “The Wild Party.” Branching out into children’s programming, she won two Daytime Emmy Awards, this year and in 2007, as outstanding performer in an animated program for her role as the scheming empress-wannabe Yzma in “The Emperor’s New School.” 

All the while she remained a fixture on the cabaret circuit, having maintained her voice and shapely figure through a vigorous fitness regimen that included daily running and weight lifting. Even after discovering in 2006 that she had colon cancer, she triumphantly opened the newly renovated Café Carlyle in New York in September 2007. Stephen Holden, writing in The Times, said that Ms. Kitt’s voice was “in full growl.”

But though Ms. Kitt still seemed to have men of all ages wrapped around her finger (she would often toy with younger worshipers at her shows by suggesting they introduce her to their fathers), the years had given her perspective. “I’m a dirt person,” she told Ebony magazine in 1993. “I trust the dirt. I don’t trust diamonds and gold.”

[strugglingatart]

Jr year ep 2

This is me live blogging bc I need to get thoughts out also would love fandom friends full spoilers bellow the cut just so no one accidentally reads anything they don't want to this will be long

No shenanigans at the begining way lowkey sad I love our intrepid heroes being dumb

Siobhan and Zac kick it off with SUCH good turns straight away we love (also emily's cutting words? delicious)

Them all discussing more stuff mid battle is so nice I love but also not Ally forgetting they could try to heal lol

"playing with you all at level 10 has never convinced me more that this game is unplayable at level 20. fucking unplayable" Brennan the man who I 100% have seen play att level 20. But we HAVE to stan the complaing I love them so much Murph especially I always laugh so much

Siobhan please we cannot be confident before rolls they go bad then

we were doing so well like seconds ago and now everything feels terrible

ARMOR OF AYDA omg my loves

Kristen and Riz are me when my friends are being to sexual but also Kristen please remember you and tracker?

NOT FABIAN FALLING AGAIN, and his idea was real good as well, but Ally yeeting the dice also a big mood

Lou's sass was so good I love im so much

only one person saving out of everyone is brutal why do dice currenntly hate them

Murph loosing it at Ally's saving throws being empty is so funny, and poor them gatting so defensive (also have they been doing it wrong this whole time then? has it never been written down? was is just a mistake on their season prep?)

Zac and Lou killed that look at me bit I'm sorry they are geniuses

I truly thought Brennan was gonna make this fight SO much easier and in many ways I get why he didn't but I'm not over it

Listen Murph is looking SO GOOD this season it legit distracted me for a few seconds I had to go back to understand what Brenan said about the van flipping I am a disaster queer through and through

this is so intense all of a sudden omgggg

Poor hangvan ily and know Gorgug will fix you tho

Oh no Kristen, but also the die deadass turned on them, sad vibes (also I miss good rolling Murph I know we had him for one ep but I loved him)

once again yeeting the dice is a mood and then the whole if i hit anyone bit, art tbh

AHHHHH that nat 1 followed by a nat 20 was magical, also Em is wearing the naddpod live shirt 😍 I was 110% with her tho I wanted Gorgug to get it so bad so that deception roll was EVERYTHING TO ME, Ayda claming Gorgug as the greatest wizard is legit one of my favorite things whenever they bring it up and support that theory my heart is so happy

Brenan just being like yes these npcs i made up for the media res are just for that they will die even if they don't

Zac has what healing thing? again not knowing enough about DnD makes me bad at knowing who can do what

shoutout to the two crew

listen this theme of exaustion specifically with school will end me like i cannot it hits too close

Moggy the doggy! we stan Adaine the little guys guy(gal?)

Did Cassandra text you? Nonstop

this flourish lacks flourish (me giving the finishing touches to art projects for university)

LISTEN Fig asking about first day of school outfit was literally Emily choosing violence omg I felt that deeply

I still have jump and i haven't used it so I'm just gonna... I love Zac

They all LOOSE IT at two more guys and I know it was mostly the players but honestly having an absolute laughing fit out of exaustion is another big mood and I felt both seen and called out (I have STROIES about this) and like it just fit the theme so well

there's two nat 1's, Lou's full discociated, Murph's loosing it, it's pure chaos for a bit but whoever did the closed captions? A+++ job

Kristen taking ths ice cream sandwich out and going to the hangman is gold (also I remember the pouch of ice cream sandwiches existing like I fully remeber Kristen usinf it before but i don't remeber when/where she gets it despite having just rewatched both freshman and sophomore years and it's bothering me)

I want the so tactical so late t-shirt

Fabian passed so I legit thought that was gonna work but you know what? it's funnier that it didn't

"I was a turncoat the whole time" is so funny for no reason, also Fabian babe, ily but like why do you wanna kiss a mirror it will not be enjoyable (also at this point Lou is either feeding into all the comp-het queer theories or is like the queer whisperer)

The father the son and the balthazar made me cackle

I have said this before in a post somewhere but while I get where Kristen is coming from so much like truly I'm right there with her but also I kinda hate how she's avoiding Cassandra but also I get it baby but also pls do better (or at least change tactics in odrer to to it lowkey unhealthily)

Fabian I promise you you can do better LMAO Riz, you are correct

Again to me Fig's hypothetical is like fighting words I'd be pissed and depressed

But also high school me would have loved a dance camp tbh (also to be able to dance in general rip my dancing dreams, taken away by a chronic issue and over protective parents)

"I think I do a really half hearted prayer of healling just because I don't.. trust you" I love Ally so much

ah yes the silliness is back but they are so tired

wanna stay at our place? we have so many beds

The entire ecaf bit was so good i cannot deal

Hallariel is saying Fabian's name more like the elves or am I tripping?

Gillear is slightly less pathetic! he won a cruise! oh and they are engaged, full step sibblings Fig and Fabian

also poor Fabian like he needs his parental figures here... Cathilda better stay or I'm personally gonna have words with Brennan, stop making them suffer they fuck up things alone

ALSOOO there is no way Gillear would not want to talk to Fig omg I'm fighting brennan again

Gillear luck... did Fig uncurse him by taking that deal and is she about to get his bad luck?

SKLONDA we stan

Brennan I swear to god this tiny goblin has saved the world three times what do you mean he cannot go to college I will fight you, this scene hit me so hard omg we were promised silliness not heart wrenching reality in my fantasy

I think Zac legitimately forgot the mirror didn't run away for like a second which makes it funnier but Fig IS just that good. 32 decepetion fool the character and the player

BRENAN what do you mean Zelda gave back his stuff this is DURING the seven where they are still TOGETHER I swear I will riot

Frosty fair mentioned twice it's connected to or the big thing this season

The Thistlespring are SO PRECIOUS

Jawbone and Sandra Lynn made a cake I can't deal, and it's belated birthdays omg the way I would cry

THE RAGH AND LYDIA ART IS SO GOOD

the justaposition of Emily's cackle and Ally's face to the dangers Fig and Kristen are dangerously and/or wildly close to being expell is so good

Lou choking on water at "we're allowed to fail a certain number of classes each semester" also real good treiler editing bc I thought that was 10000% connected to the you let your god die line that comes right before it on there

Fig's been multiclass since start of sophmore year, does she do warlock classes sometimes I wonder

I like that Jawbone is not judging here he's just like facts: you are failing and this is why, now we can see what we do about it

ouch that whole im swimming my head is liquid kristen thing felt dangerously close to me... I usually relate to gorgug and riz like i adore kristen but she's never me what is happening (this is not bad just me having like my 10th identity mini crisis this year)

THE AYDA ART she looks so bummed but so pretty.. but also Brenan I feel like I said I'll fight you a couple of times here but if we get no ayda I will fly to LA and fight you

I reached text limit will do a part two

[cerealmonster15]

SILVER DND UPDATE!!!! Another short session that I think just had like 3 main scenes in it lol

First scene is an epilogue to Adrian giving Silver a smooch 😌 we decided as a group that if Adrian gives Silver a smooch on the lips then Silver will stay awake for a full hour (whether he wants to or not) so after giving him a kiss, Adrian went to bed and fell asleep immediately while Silver just sat there for a full hour having no idea why he suddenly couldn't sleep at all LOL

But anyway. In the MORNING, both Adrian and Silver got nat 20s on their constitution rolls for waking up somehow digigdgdjdjggjd but Silver has a +1 to his constitution and Adrian woke up and then immediately decided to go back to sleep anyway so Silver was up first lol. He tried to make Adrian get up but failed the persuasion roll so he got stuck there for 15 mins waiting on Adrian to get up and finally be like "huh wait were you saying something" GDJFHSHFSFHSFSU

Silver talks to him about how he's going to leave this universe eventually and he can't say for sure that their relationship will last long even if he wants to give him a longer commitment, but he still wants to be with him in a relationship if Adrian is okay with it being a short one ;; Adrian fails the roll to realize that Silver leaving would devastate him so he goes along with it happily thinking that he will Definitely Be Totally Fine When The Relationship Ends. SO THEY ARE OFFICIALLY DATING FOR SURE NOW :)

Funny side note. The 3rd person they are staying with over break asked Adrian the day before if he and Silver were in a relationship and Adrian said no Right Before The Scene Where He Gave Silver A Kiss. And the next day the first thing Silver says when he sees her is that he and Adrian are in a relationship LOL she had a lot of fun teasing Adrian for this 😌

Anyway after that scene there is a lunch scene where.

Side note again. Adrian has ageusia (complete inability to taste) and makes shitty awful food with too much seasoning in an attempt to be able to taste it. And has Killed The Entire Party Before with his cooking. Including Silver who got like a 6 on that constitution save BSBJSJSJSHSB

So they are at lunch WHERE Silver, after looking up ageusia in the library, discovers that people with the condition often get sick because they cannot tell when something is off with their food. So he sacrifices himself by switching plates with Adrian and telling him he is Banned From Making Food For Himself without a taste tester. And then Silver eats the food and there is IN FACT mold in the food that was not visible and Silver immediately throws it away. Adrian's roommate is now also banning him from cooking bsbsbsbsjjdkf Silver could not fix his dad but he will do whatever he needs to in order to fix his boyfriend 🫡

LAST SCENE but a very very fun one. The gang goes as a group to get tattoos :) one of the guys in the party is really really into tattoos and has connections with a shop, so they were all able to get discounted high quality tattoos together. Adrian didn't get one, but he went anyway to hold Silver's hand while he got his, even though Silver has really really high pain tolerance. Adrian was just in the way of the tattoo artist LOL but here is Silver's tattoo he got 😌

Bat tattoo for his papa,,,, I wanted one that was fancy and had a little bit visible while the whole thing would be covered & couldn't find that so I edited this to be what I want 😌 I need to draw dnd silver's portrait eventually with his bat tattoo showing and his hairclip that Adrian got him. SOON probably. ily dnd silver......

BONUS CONTENT!!!!!! It is going to be like a month until we are able to have another session so we have been furiously making fun ship charts for these two now that they are boyfriends :) charts will be there for us through these hard times,,,,,,

Also here's Silver's hairclip with the matching one he will eventually get Adrian :) his is the one with the dove and Adrian's is the one with starfish!!

kldjfkdlshf unsleeps your silver

man,,, adrian says there will be NO reflecting on potential emotional anguish right now he just wants to kiss a cute boy!!!! live in the moment!!!! it's fine probably!!!

i like that silver also cannot escape the Hell Food. free my boy.

THE BAT TATTOOS... WAH... HE LOVE HIM PAPA...

jsdjfsl CHARTS YAY CHARTS WAHOO CHARTS!!!!!!! theyre a full fledged ship now godspeed boys 🫡 i forgor about hairclip and clothes so my apolocheese for the very generic quick and silly doodles before i fall asleep LOL but. i wuv them... i like that silver is marked as really sporty but then SLEEP ATTACK hes in dormant town forever goodbye. also adrian being both chill and flustered is cute teehee he is not immune to Cute Boy

[cloaksandcapes]

Our Paladin got this last night after finally making peace with her faith, and wanting to make sure everyone knows that she is a Paladin of Avandra.

I realize it's also a reference to Pathfinder the game, lmao. But the name was more in reference to Avandra's "She Who Makes the Path". Our Paladin is notoriously bad for rolling Nat 1's. So it's literally a shield against herself.

Shield of the Pathfinder

Armor (shield), very rare (requires attunement)

“This kite shield is of quality craftsmanship, and has been blessed by a goddess of chance and change. Her likeness is engraved on the front, with her silhouette and hair shimmering gold in the light.”

While holding this shield, you have a +2 bonus to AC. This bonus is in addition to the shield's normal bonus to AC.

The first time you are dealt damage from an attack, you reduce that damage by half. Once this property has been used, it cannot be used again until you finish a short or long rest.

Make The Path. When you roll a natural 1, you can treat it as though it is a natural 20. Once you use this property, you must finish a long rest before you can use it again.

Join us on Twitch every Mon\Wed\Fri to create new Homebrews and check out our Patreon for 560+ magic items, tokens, maps, and more.

[kozachenko]

A compilation of questions and thoughts I have about Touhou's Hell, and the Hell adjacent places in Touhou (mainly just new hell and the animal realm)

This is very long so I'll put a little keep reading link down here

Maybe I just need to catch myself up on the lore, but I've been thinking about the whole "Former Hell-New Hell" thing because like, how did the selection for Gensokyo's Hell work? Was Former Hell still the main Hell before Gensokyo was made? Or did it change before Gensokyo was made and Zanmu was just looking for a new place for Hell to be located in, saw what Hecatia made and just went "ah yes, this is the spot" and just picked that specific place. Like, even the wiki states that the exact time of Hell's location change is unknown. Also, it's stated in Zanmu's profile that she rules over Hell, but then that brings Hecatia's importance in Hell into question. How important is Hecatia to Gensokyo's Hell really? It also says on the Touhou wiki page for Hell that before Touhou 17 there was some internal conflict going on there and that that's what the Animal spirits used to cause a distraction so they could accomplish their plans?

Also, how long have the animal spirits been dealing with Keiki for? Because for a god that is relatively obscure and who was (supposedly) only just summoned, she seems pretty powerful, almost completely taking over the Animal realm (had it not been for our protagonists). Also, with the way Yachie refers to Keiki as an "old enemy" (which I am STILL thinking about), how long have the two known each other? They're familiar enough to talk to each other while fighting, and the beast spirits know her name. Which would be another weird detail if she was very recently summoned? Keiki isn't really the type to show off that she's a god (heck, she even tries to convince the protagonists that she's a human), and Keiki herself is familiar with how the beast spirits operate, with her lines on how "beasts will be beasts" and her comments on the different beast gangs in the Animal realm showing that dealing with beast spirits clearly isn't a new thing to her. Overall, there seems to be this sense of vitriolic familiarity (for lack of a better term) between everyone in the Animal realm. Also, with the technological state of the Animal realm in Touhou 17, there are clearly a lot of modern buildings approaching the Primate Garden. So either A) The beasts built those themselves and it was always like that or B) Keiki built those when she was summoned. Now I don't know about you, but I don't think anyone, god or not, would be able to complete an entire city in just a day or two. Especially one like the one in Touhou 17. I feel like with all of this information, it's safe to say that Keiki has been a problem for a while.

Also, how did the Animal Realm even get created in the first place? Like, was it always there when Hecatia made Hell, or did Zanmu just kind of make the realm it's own thing, because from what I've gathered, it's implied that Yachie, Yuuma, and Saki all came from Old Hell to the New Hell when Zanmu changed locations (also, a bit unrelated, but I have the headcanon that Yachie started using, or developed her ability to be more like Zanmu's since she looks up to her a lot).

A thing that's kind of unrelated, but makes me laugh whenever I think about is how Zanmu is basically just what would happen if a DnD player rolled a Nat 20 on every single charisma check and ended up becoming the King of Hell. Like, if you were to make her a DnD character you'd have to make her a neutral evil Monk who has a really high charisma bonus stat lmao

I've also kind of developed this little story idea for a Touhou fic, where the events of Touhou 15 inadvertently set up Touhou 17, where Hecatia's involvement in Junko's revenge plans end up being a sort of "last straw" for the rest of Hell. People are beginning to question why Hecatia is getting so involved with this one vengeful spirit and why she's so Hell bent (get it?) on picking a fight with one of the most powerful, and technologically advanced civilizations in the world (The Lunar Capital) when doing so would do nothing for Hell? Of course, I have a feeling that Zanmu would probably be manipulating Hell's population against Hecatia, since a part of this idea is that Zanmu wants Hecatia out of Hell so she can take complete control of it herself (since I really like the idea of the two of them having this sort of power struggle where they both want the other one gone). Then as the political strife in Hell gets more and more intense, the beast spirits see this distraction as an opportunity to set their plan to get rid of Keiki in motion. They discover Gensokyo, find our protagonists, yadda yadda yadda Touhou 17 happens, you know the rest.

Also, as my own way of connecting Touhou 17 to Touhou 18, during the incident of 17.5, the Tengu probably got involved in the selling of oil, and once it was over, Megumu was looking for new buisness opportunities and came across Chimata, Touhou 18 happens, this leads into Touhou 19 (I really really really want a new fighting game for 19.5 that expands on whatever happened to Keiki because, oh yeah, WHERE IS SHE ZUN, IS SHE WITH MIMA OR SOMETHING, PLEASE, I NEED ANSWERS-).

So yeah those are my ramblings about Touhou's Hell, like, it's such an interesting location and I really want more Touhou media to take place there since there's so much you could do with the setting.

[thedegu]

Yall have no idea how good last night's 3.5 game was. I'm still riding that high.

SO MANY GOOD RP MOMENTS

Kiri finally able to talk to someone with some decorum

James being concerned(tm) about ale. (Whos mental health has recently hit an all time low)

Related- Sash "I found a rock that looks like a butt, here you go"

"Do I have anything of Chosen's to track" [rolls a 6] "hey Sash do you have anything of Bailey Wick's" "WHYWOULD IHAVEANYTHINGOFHERS" [Rolls a 3]

Then she proceeded to roll a nat 20 to remember the sent of Bailey Wick. Saving us with the power of Yuri

WE FOUND OUR CREW-- some of whom have been missing months in-game YEARS outside of it.

Like you don't know all of our major allies have been missing for SO long and we've found most of them.

We named our robot (crying screaming throwing up)

Long story but we were given a Nimblewright as a gift and as protection for one of our PCs. We've always just called it Nimblewright or The Nimblewright. However, like everyone else in the prison we're at we had to say it's true name to free it. But it didn't have a name so the PC who it's bonded to named her (again weeping) her name is Ada, after Ada Lovelace (I came up with the name ooc)

[marcussour]

C3E114 random bits and thoughts

2025 - MAKE MORE SMUT

"Hey guys, we're saving the world again", "What would they do without us"

Oh, I love that Percy's going full tinkerer with wind up toys that are secretly weapons

Love that Vex's first attack with the explosive arrow was a nat20.

Fuck, the giant vidulch is something else. And of course it's the Sunder King's mount.

"That's the 20th count of the initiative", MATTHEW, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Oh, thankfully it was both nat 1s

I love Ashley's "GOOSH" sound effect

"Scanlan, what does your horse eyes see?"

I love that now's officially "Scanlan's Hand"

Vorak!

"That's what the nuns told me sex was like"

I expected nothing them from them than to burst into singing Manfred Mann's Earth Band's "Blinded by the Light"

The holy aura spell really was a life saver, since every enemy has been attacking with disadvantage and avoiding all the nat 20s

And of course the moment after I wrote that, Lieve'tel dropped concentration

"Here's what I'm gonna do" by Ashley Johnson

TRINKET!

DIVINE INTERVENTION! Lieve'tel is just, clutch

"You take 14 points of acid damage"; "we'll buy you some Pink Floyd"

Over 100 points of damage in a single round. High level barbarians are something else.

So the beacon was somewhat related to the Luxon

So long bloody bridge!

Scanlan's (and Sam's) hate for Trinket, will never stop being funny

That frenzied wrath that Ozo's has is crazy

OH NO VEX

Look, I know they can revive her still, and it wouldn't be Vox Machina without at least someone dying, but shit, that one hurt

See, she's back thankfully

Love Percy's long ass turn, just, unloading anything on Ozo to avenge Vex

"He's inside of you one last time", "Balls deep"; the more things change... etc, etc

VAX'ILDAN!

Rest in pieces Malleus Key

Of course Vax's first roll is a nat20

If I had a nickel for every time in this campaign that a priced mount/companion of a big boss enemy turned against them due to the actions of the party

THAT WAS THE MOST GROG WAY TO JUST WRECKING UP AN ENEMY, AMAZING

What would Scanlan do

Make it Funny, Make it Cool, Make it Perverted!

"Hey, you look like diseased genitalia. Tell me, does it burn when you urinate?", Robbie's a gift

Look at Vax just being back and cool as fuck

NGL, I wanted Scalan to keep the vidulch and just, take him whenever he rejoins his mid-midlife crisis escapades.

One night. Let's pretend everything's alright for one night.

I didn't expected a happy ending, but that was bittersweet.

I do have to say, besides Vax getting one night along with the group, it did left me with some questions. Because the whole conversation with the Raven Queen sounded like, maybe Vax can/might serve her in the material plane?

Also, what is going on in Issylra? The angels told them that they needed to regroup, and plan the next stage of the attack, possible on Ruidus? Like, is it prepping in case both Bells Hells and the Mighty Nein fail? Is it related to if/when Predathos awakens? Or is something else going on? Like, maybe Ludinus or someone else attacked Vasselheim while everyone was away? I don't think it was the broadcast of the message from Aeor since I imagine Vox Machina would've gotten it too. Lots of things that might happen.

Anyway, loved this mini arc or whatever we want to call it. Having Vox Machina again was just, the best.

Also, did Lieve'tel went with them to Whitestone? I imagine she did, if only so she could visit Bertrand's grave.

[zero-insignificance]

DND Recap: Bread Heist

aka the Pets session where we play as our pets + Sue!

Cast includes: Rose: DM Templeton the Copperhopper: Me Zip Zap Zop the Figment of Buzzing: Me Long Boi the Emberheart Dragon: Me Paul the Pink Bison: Me (moo) Rick, Alfie II, Bob II: Brick Frost the Pseudo Dragon: Ender Beelzebub the Copy Cat: Rascal Radiance, Knight of the Broken Flame: Cream Clementine is not taking part in the session for my own sanity.

The party leaves the Nap Sack to head back to Rosepeak to finish their quest. Sue is left in charge.

Beezlebub ditches Sue. Sue is follows, and loses him and comes across Radiance. Lanwel’s pet. She offers him to come with.

Paul sticks his head out of a door and “MOOOOO-” and Sue gets jumpscared. Almost everyone is in the kitchen

The Jungle Chompers are fighting over a bone which goes flying away as they're wrestling. Long Boi stole the bone and put it on top of the fridge. The bone vanishes and iventually Frost uninvisibles herself.

Radiance uses a grappling hook to try to restrain one of the raptors. Succeeds with rollies. Radiance is riding Ricky.

Suddenly a door materializes.

Templeton slowly makes his way into the kitchen “WHAT FAH MAE- I senes so magic-” (5 foot walking speed) The door opens. We are told to roll a wisdom save. Everyone fails except for my pets and Sue. Templeton can't smell. Everyone smells the most delicious freshly baked bread.

Radiance goes “HYAH!” and takes off on Ricky.

It looks like Russia. But it’s different but it isn’t rebuilt. This is how it used to look. Before Betty White attacked

Sue does not notice this. Templeton recognized this. He is a very old construct. Sha'Carri is the one who got him up and running.

Templeton: *sad* It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this... Sue: How long? Templeton: About 24 years...

She calls them all back. “I need you all to stick by me. "

We are told to roll perception. The door is gone and there is a note: All you have to do is steal some bread.

Templeton: What's a bread? Frost: Is this bread? *holds up rock* Random kid: Are you a stranger? Sue: Oh hey kid.

"I’ve never seen anyone like you around here. Never mind gotta go!” And the kid books it. Frost is in pursuit. Predator instincts kick in.

We’ve traveled back in time to pre the Betty White attack in Russia.

Paul allows Sue to mount him and he’s got 35 miles per hour Zippy has hopped onto Templeton and uses electricity to make Templeton have a 30 foot movement speed.

The child is cornered. Paul drifts into the alley, bowling the guards over. 

The child says his name is David. 

“Why did you runs from the guards.’ “I stole a bunch of bread” *pours out 50 loaves of bread.* Sue eats a bit of bread. It is the best bread shes ever eaten. In her life. It’s like those kings hawaiian rolls with the crunch of sourdough. (that sounds so good) “Now you can see why I was trying to steal it.”

Sue: *returning some of the bread to the bakery* Paul: *steals an apple cobbler* Baker: *looking a templeton* I’m pretty sure I saw you blown up on the side of the road- WHAT IS YOUR BISON DOING- Paul: *nat 20 on deception with a face covered in apple cobbler* MOO? Baker: oh sorry- Paul: *moos in the indignity* *basically everyone is stealing bread*

And we’re off to steal from the royal bakery Paul stays outside as the getaway vehicle. *click click* moo

Bob’s pets are with Sue and David going through the sewer.

The rest are sneaking through the front door.

Sue has Templeton on her back to get him up the ladder.

And we see a big hallway.

Meanwhile with the others

The jungle chompers have to roll a wisdom save. 9. They all smell the same thing. They smell a much younger Truk. In his infancy.

Ricky looks at Alfie and Bob and goes “GO GO GO-”

Radiance rolls strength. The chompers roll strength. 3. -2. Radiance wins. Radiance uses the grappling hook to basically turn them into a pod racer.

Cassiandris is on a date with one of the royal bakers

Back to the others. Long Boi is using firebolt to evaporate any water so Templeton doesn’t rust. Long Boi sneezes to cast firebolt Long Boi is very tsundere.

The door to the bread is locked. It shouldn’t be locked. It has a small writing on it “Alfonse Redfeather” Alfie made this door. Zippy uses a shock of electricity to disrupt the magic. “THAT BIRD NEVER LET ME IN HERE!” “How do you know Alfie!” "No reason..." *sus check* “FINE. I work here in the castle. I work here to keep the place clean. My name’s thomas. How are you going to deal with the silent alarm?” “THE WHAT-” "The bird installed a magical alarm so people couldn't steal."

Alfie has no problem with people needing food. He was very poor growing up and understands living in poverty. His issue is people not asking for help and he thinks that the stigma against the poor an homeless is stupid. If you ask he let you have some bread.

Thomas lifts a panel and we land in the fighting colosseum And we don’t sense any humanoids around.

Meanwhile with candle and reptiles.

Radiance gets a 11 on strength and the chompers get a -2

Radiance does not let go. The 2 jungle chompers snape the rope and run to Truk’s childhood room. Ricky follows close behind. They smell Truk coming from a crib.

No wonder Truk was drawn to the jungle chompers. He remembers them from before.

Back to the colosseum. Surrounded by rats Beelzebub shape shifts into a rat

Rat: Can we eat them? Are they tasty? Beelzebub: No they aren’t Rat: I don’t care. I just need meat. YOUR MEAT. Beelzebub: I’m one of you guys *17 on deception*

Rat: Welcome to the family

*rolls a vibe check* “The vibes are off. They’re just a little weird.”

The rats pile into a big pile. Into a mega rat and push a panel. There is a spiral staircase leading up.

“Careful though. There’s no railing”

And they ascend.

The Junglechompers are protecting baby Truk. And Truk’s mom, Samantha, has come to check on baby Truk and sees all these tiny dinosaurs in her son’s bed. And she freezes. They’re all cuddled up to Truk. Frost sees that person and stares and telepathically says “Hi” and slowly approaches.

Ricky: Oh. So you’re his mother! Samantha: Oh you talk-

Baby truk is in a Goblin Shark onesie. Samantha unsheathes the rapier.

Samantha rushes over to try to grab Truk Radiance tries to grab the raptors. Ricky jumps out of the crib. Samantha has baby Truk in one arm.

Frost: Who you- Samantha: I am his mother. Who are you? Frost: Friend. Samantha’s passive insight is 30.

Radiance points at the clock and does a ticking forward motion. “Follow me. We’re going to take you to someone.”

Bragar and Zara see Sue. Bragar pulls out his warhammer. Bragar: Who are you! Sue: I’m a servant! Bragar: Bullshit.

Bragar stops in his track> Sue: I’m from the future- Bragar: I mean you talked about it.

Zara: I mean it’s possible. But not many can do it.

Meanwhile at the castle entrance: Alfie: *building new gates* hang on *sniffs air* I smell more time travel Bullshit. What happened in the future now? Back in Zara’s quarters: Sue: *anxiety spitballing* Zara: She’s telling the truth. *spots Templeton* HOW ARE YOU BACK TO NORMAL- I SAW YOU EXPLODED- Templeton: time travel bullshit.

Zara pulls out a Nokia trying to call the doctor from Doctor who. I roll a d12 David Tennanant’s Doctor shows up

9: Time travel is my favorite! Zara: Shut up. Paul: *pokes his head out of the Tardis* Moo

Paul was the doctor’s companion before being Miss Houdini’s friend

Zara: So how did you get in the castle. Sue: there was this boy. Zara: About this big and annoying? Sue: Yes. Zara: That was Thozall. He’s a dick.

Thomas is Thozall. Everyone freezes.

Then the tardis doors slam shut. Time stops. And there’s a woman. She apologizes for everything. The doctor has his sonic screwdriver shoved in Templeton’s mouth

The doctor gives Templeton some upgrade. He has a 30 foot movement speed and taste buds. He can eat food now!

Radiance: You guys are so fucked up.

We helped Thozall break into his own home. The fall of Russia is a fixed point in time but our pets had a hand in it.

The party has just returned from Rosepeak. End of session.

[grailfinders]

Grailfinders #320: Leonardo da Vinci (Ruler)

today on Grailfinders we’re making half the reason we spent the last week staring at columbus, Leonardo da Vinci (Ruler)! she is a Battle Smith Artificer to call her dino minions into battle, and that’s it! being able to build whatever you need makes the class super flexible.

check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

next up: when a bird hits your eye and it usurps your mind, that's a Mara!

Ancestry & Background

Leo I is still dead, so that means you’re still a Reborn, giving you +2 Constitution and +1 Intelligence, as well as proficiency in two skills of your choice (like Acrobatics and History), and a Deathless Nature that means you don’t need to eat, sleep, or breathe, and you have advantage on saves against being poisoned and dead, plus resistance to poison damage. you can even choose your size! I’d go small, because riding a robot triceratops into battle is fucking amazing, but it’s really up to you. finally, your Knowledge from a Past Life gives you the chance to add a d6 to a skill check proficiency times per day. you were so smart, you can think even after you’re dead!

you’re also still an Izzet Engineer, giving you proficiency in Arcana and Investigation. you also get an extended spell list, though most of them aren’t particularly useful for the build. check them out in the character sheet if you want to.

Ability Scores

as you’d probably expect, your Intelligence is your highest stat. after that, we’re bucking tradition and making Dexterity your second highest. you might not have your roller blades on any more, but you’re still a crack shot. third is your Wisdom. you’re one of history’s greatest geniuses, but you’re also a kid. for some reason. anyway, you get distracted more easily than big Leo. Constitution is still going to be positive though, rulers can take a beating. that means your Charisma is just okay. you’re personable enough, but you’re too busy taking care of Steggy to socialize that much. thankfully he has a nat 20 in charisma. that means we’re dumping Strength. you’re both a nerd and child, two of the most famously weak demographics known to mankind.

(I mean you’re also a servant so you can probably still snap a regular guy’s spine in half, but this has always been comparative.)

Class Levels

1. starting off as an Artificer, you get proficiency in Constitution and Intelligence saves, as well as in Perception and Nature. you need to be able to spout of dino facts at the drop of a hat, after all.

you also learn Magical Tinkering, so you can put tiny magical effects in tiny nonmagical objects for free, and your Spellcasting does use spell slots that recharge on long rests, but it does a lot more to boot. you can cast them with Intelligence btw.

I’m pretty sure the gang started a fire in the underwater cave that one time, and since Anastasia wasn’t there to light that, I guess we’ll have to give Create Bonfire to you too for your first cantrip. also pick up Acid Splash for your very first dino bullet. see, it’s green, just like the archeopteryx.

you can also prepare first level spells each day. technically you can rotate through your entire list as you please, but I’ll bring up the ones that are in-character. Chaos Bolt from the Izzet list is the closest we can get to your Noble Phantasm, dealing 2d8+1d6 damage, and the damage type is based on your d8 rolls. the reason a level 1 spell can work as your finishing move is because if both numbers are the same, you can blast another creature nearby, for theoretically infinite damage. that’s technically the most damage any character we’ve built can do!

more seriously, Feather Fall will help out your whole team when you’re climbing a vertical cliff face, Identify helps you know things because you’re smart, and Sanctuary will help you protect Steggy. with this on, anyone who directly attacks him in the next minute has to make a wisdom save or be forced to attack someone else. this ends early if he attacks somebody, but I doubt that’ll be a problem. this is mostly to keep him away from columbuses. columbii?

2. at level two you learn the main draw of artificers, the ability to Infuse Items. you can learn a total of four blueprints to start with, but you can only have half of them as actual items at any time. again, swap out as you deem necessary.

the Armor of Magical Strength is your big robo arms with six charges that recharge at dawn. you can spend a charge to either add your intelligence to a strength check or save, or to avoid being knocked prone. you can also make your crossbow more accurate by making it an Enhanced Weapon, adding +1 to all its attack and damage rolls. the Rope of Climbing isn’t the fastest way up, but it works; and the Bag of Holding is just plain useful.

3. at third level you become a Battle Smith, giving you your very first Steel Defender, a medium-sized robot you can command as a bonus action. it’s just the triceratops right now, but we’ll get more when our infusions allow. in the meantime, you’re also Battle Ready, giving you proficiency with martial weapons as well as the ability to use Intelligence instead of other stats when attacking with a magical weapon. with this, your enhanced flare gun becomes even deadlier!

you can also make The Right Tool for the Job over a short rest, creating any kind of artisan’s tools you need. you also get an extended spell list from your subclass, so you’ll always have Heroism and Shield ready to go.

4. we’re using your first ASI to pick up a feat, and it’s a pretty weird one at that- from the plane of Kaladesh, Servo Crafting gives you the find familiar spell as a ritual, creating a servo instead of an animal. it acts mostly like a normal familiar, but you can communicate telepathically with it and see through its senses while on the same plane. you can even use your servo as a living walkie talkie and speak through it. it can also attack as part of your action, but it deals a whopping 1 damage at a time, so uh. no. this one’s a lot more fragile, so it’ll be the archeopteryx later.

5. fifth level artificers get an extra attack if they’re a battle smith, but we’re not picking up the crossbow expert feat- you’re using a flare gun, after all. however, you do get second level spells too, so there’s a lot more there to work with.

if you want to turn your crossbow into an actual flare gun, your battlesmith spell Branding Smite has your back, dealing extra damage on hit and lighting them up for up to a minute. it’s pretty hard to hide when you have a flare sticking out of you. (warding bond is also nice, but you haven’t jumped in the way of any bullets yet.)

for your normal spells, check out Air Bubble to help the party find treasure at the bottom of the sea, See Invisibility to find extra-hidden traps, and Spider Climb to give the servants an easier way up the mountain. this level’s real big on support, huh?

6. Tool Expertise is nice, but doubled tool proficiency bonuses don’t mean jack compared to your next round of infusions. a Spell-Refueling Ring is nice, an extra spell slot never hurt, but the big-name item this level is the Cloak of the Manta Ray. while a creature is wearing this, it gains a swim speed and water breathing. now we can turn that triceratops into a futabasaurus! you can also give it to master if you want, but now you have all three dinosaurs available to you. we’re still working on some flight for the archeopteryx, but that one’ll take a while. in the meantime, have fun in the ocean while you can.

7. at level seven your Flashes of Genius kick in, so any time you or a nearby friend make a check or save you can backseat game and give them advice, adding your intelligence modifier to their roll Intelligence Modifier times a day.

8. use this ASI to pick up the Keen Mind feat for +1 to Intelligence but also to give you a bunch of useful smarts for your treasure hunting trip. you now have a perfect sense of direction and memory, and you can also keep track of the passage of time. mechanically this one’s kind of a dead level, but you can really mess with the DM with that memory trick.

9. ninth level battle smiths have an Arcane Jolt you can use Intelligence Modifier times a day. whenever you hit someone with a magic weapon or your dinosaur, you can jolt, either dealing an extra 2d6 damage or healing a nearby creature.

you also learn third level spells this time, including the freebies Aura of Vitality and Conjure Barrage from Battle Smith, plus Call Lightning from your background. for the spells you choose, Create Food and Water can help Gof out with dinner, and Intellect Fortress will make you even more protected because you’re just so dang smart.

10. at level ten you get another cantrip, Frostbite the blue bullet. you’re also a Magic Item Adept now, so you have another attunement slot, and crafting weaker magic items are faster & cheaper. you also get two more infusions- the Slippers of Spider Climbing can be master’s climbing gear, and the Boots of Striding and Springing will give your servo the boost it needs to fly short distances. by that I mean it can jump three times longer. unfortunately, its strength score is so atrocious that barely helps. its high jump height is a whopping 0 inches off the ground. look, flight was a new thing at the time, long jumping was the peak of performance.

11. eleventh level artificers can make Spell-Storing Items, putting a 1st or 2nd level spell into a weapon or focus. the spell can be cast by any creature, but it uses your intelligence to cast. you can only have one of these at a time, but they last indefinitely, and can be used Intelligence modifier times before wearing off.

12. speaking of, use this ASI to round up your Intelligence and Wisdom. now you have better everything. literally everything.

13. level thirteen doesn’t have any new features, but it does have fourth level spells! you get Aura of Purity and Fire Shield for free, as well as Conjure Minor Elementals and Divination from your background. that last one should be really helpful for treasure hunting, just ask the DM directly where it is!

the only fourth level spell I really need here is Summon Construct- the rest you can pick from at your leisure. now with your manta cloak on your steel defender and the spring boots on your servo, you can finally have all three robot dinosaurs up and ready at the same time! this construct doesn’t use your actions to take commands either, so all four of you can move pretty freely!

14. at level fourteen you become a Magic Item Savant, giving you yet another attunement slot, plus you don’t need to be a certain race or class to use any magic items.

furthermore, you get your red dino bullet Fire Bolt this level, as well as two more infusions. your Arcane Propulsion Armor is your regular rider gear, but since it’s just a change of clothes it makes sense to have it as an option. with this, your speed increases by five feet, and you have magical gauntlet weapons that deal force damage and can extend to twenty feet without disadvantage. while you’re treasure hunting, the Gem of Seeing will help you scan for clues. it comes with three charges that come back daily, and you can spend a charge for ten minutes of truesight as seen through the gem.

15. at level fifteen you gain one last goody from your subclass. now your Improved Defender has a stronger Arcane Jolt, as well as a boost to its AC, and it hurts those whose attacks it deflects. almost like it has big horns attached to a shield or something.

16. use this ASI to max out your Intelligence. you use that for literally everything, it should be as high as possible.

17 at level seventeen you finally get fifth level spells. your freebies are Banishing Smite and Mass Cure Wounds, but you can also Conjure Elemental as an engineer. our spells of choice this level are Skill Empowerment to be even smarter than anything thought possible, and Animate Objects to get a properly flying archeopteryx. you could also make a bunch of toy dinos come to life if you want, really go wild with it, you’re level 17 you deserve it.

18. we’re not done yet though! at level eighteen you become a Magic Item Master, giving you one last attunement slot as well as two more infusion options. the Ring of Protection and Amulet of Health both make you a little more ruler-y, with the former giving you a +1 bonus to your AC and all saves, while the latter gives you a ton of health by setting your constitution score to 19. that’s a full 36 HP difference, plus your concentration saves get a lot stronger.

19. with our last ASI, lets pump up those defenses even more with the Gift of the Metallic Dragon (though I guess it’s really more an amber-y dragon? anyway). with this, you learn Cure Wounds and can cast it for free once a day, but you can also spread some Protective Wings to protect yourself or a nearby ally, adding a +6 to their AC for one attack. you can do that 6 times a day.

20. the final level of artificer is so strong it’s almost impossible to multiclass out of, because why would you ever risk missing the Soul of Artifice? with this, you get a +1 bonus to all your saves per attuned magic item, and you can destroy an infusion instead of dropping to 0 HP each time it would happen. so that’s a +6 to all saves, plus six get out of fainting free cards per day, definitely a ruler-tier ability.

Pros & Cons

Pros:

like all artificers, you’re supremely flexible, with tons of options to swap in and out as the adventure calls for them. as long as you think ahead, you can be prepared for whatever the islands throw your way! also, you have plenty of damage types to keep yourself useful against resistant creatures, and you can fit into multiple party roles thanks to being able to heal or buff your allies.

that being said, one of your biggest virtues is your defense, especially when it comes to saving throws. your lowest save is a +5 roll, and you can add 5 to any of them pretty freely if you wish. you also have a pretty solid AC if you’re wearing medium armor and any of the armor-boosting infusions you’ve picked up, especially when you add in your dino defense. on top of that, as a reborn you can defend against one of the more common status debuffs easily, and you have advantage on death saves, so even after you finally fall, there’s a good chance you won’t stay down.

with all the infusions we’ve had to pick up for both your dinobots and treasure hunts, you have tons of mobility options available for the whole party, making all kinds of inhospitable terrain a cakewalk to traverse. from the deepest oceans to the highest mountains, no treasure can escape you for long!

Cons:

that being said, we spent a lot of your infusions on mobility instead of other options, so you’re not helping your party much with damage, at least beyond what you’re already doing with your flare gun and spells. plus, I doubt they’ll be happy you’re spending your infusions making your robots (which you can summon and just put them where you want) more mobile.

that’s especially true since your robots are fragile compared to the fleshier party members, with even your toughest only have a touch more than 100 HP at level 20. this is especially painful for your summoned construct, as they have barely enough health to last more than a round, even if you spend a fifth level spell slot to make them.

uh… your Charisma isn’t great? idk, even when you fritter away a ton of artificer stuff on nonsense it’s still a really strong class. there’s not a lot of weaknesses to point out here.