#and it didn’t stop until s11

[elemom]

happy season 11! i just spent 1k votes on this. i also spent some on freezing the book and The Emperor tarot. excited for s12 after the grand siesta!!

if i were there i would have just eaten the forbidden scroll

[rumplereids]

hii!! i’ve read some of your docs and they are just awesome !!

i wanted to ask you if you could write a fic (paring Spencer x fem!Reader) about the BAU chasing the unsub and they manage to catch him, tough he did fire some shots that didn’t hurt anyone except reader but reader doesn’t realise it until she starts to feel dizzy and feels her shirt wet only to find a gun wound on her side, spencer is really worried etc etc.. you know an hurt/comfort !! :3

sorry for my bad english 😞😞

take your time !! :33

tags: spencer reid x fem!reader. hurt/comfort. reader gets shot. blood. reader using sexual jokes as a coping mechanism. a/n: unedited! set around season 12, bcos i just rewatched the s11 finale lol. i also took some creative liberties but i hope u still like this :) masterlist. requests are open !

There’s something Spencer always did before the team goes out to take down an unsub.

First, in the car, in the calm before a probable storm, he would take two fingers into the collar of your bulletproof vest. He’d tug on the back, checking the tightness of the straps while confined in the SUV’s backseat. And then, the same hand would run down your back. A comforting gesture that grounds him more than he’d admit. And lastly, he’d take your hand in his. Squeeze it three times in a silent ‘I love you’. He’ll wait for you to squeeze back, and your eyes would meet for a second, words unneeded as your gaze tells each other to take care.

It’s a routine done even before you officially got together. Tonight was different.

You were on the way back to the station after re-interviewing a witness with Rossi. You’re sat on the passenger seat, notepad in hand, attempting to arrange your thoughts on the case. A ringtone coming from the car speaker distracts you from your musings. Rossi reaches over to accept the call.

“Yeah, Hotch?”

“We found him. Garcia sent the location to your cells. You’re 20 minutes away from the address, but do not engage. Keep your distance and wait for the rest of us.” Hotch drops the call after you reply with an “On it, boss.” You flip a switch on the console, turning on the sirens.

“I still hate how loud these things are,” you make a passing comment.

Rossi spares you a glance, a bemused look in his eyes, “I haven’t gotten used to it either.”

You turn to reach for your vest behind the passenger seat. After putting it on, you triple check the straps. And then, you unholster your standard issue pistol, thumb on the catch, before you check your mag.

Rossi’s turning the corner while you holster your gun, reaching over, you turn off the siren. Based on the profile, this unsub will not hesitate to draw guns if met with law enforcement. Best not give him a heads up. A few blocks ahead, you see the bright neon sign of the motel the unsub is hiding in. Rossi shifts the SUV into a slow crawl. He stops a block away, a safe distance that still gave you a good vantage point of the motel. You keep a lookout, Rossi putting on his vest while your eyes pass over each entrance, exit, and window on the two-storey building. You notice movement on the first floor. A shadow behind a curtain on the second floor.

You’re starting to get antsy when the rest of the team, and the local cops arrive. You quickly open your door, walking toward where Hotch, Tara, and Spencer were huddled by the trunk of a precinct car.

“Are you attempting to negotiate?” Rossi asks from your side. Spencer’s eyes meet yours from where he’s hunched over a map. Embedding the floorplan into his mind. You watch his eyes rake over your body twice. Eyes running to each strap on your vest. Your heart warms at the gesture.

“He has hostages,” Hotch’s voice breaks your eye contact with Spencer. The sheriff walks toward your team, a megaphone in hand. Hotch thanks the sheriff, turns on the speaker, and begins to call out for the unsub.

“Bryan Masen! FBI! Come out with your hands above your head!”

You see the shadow shift on the second floor. And then, a loud bang. Bryan Masen has an assault rifle, shooting out of the windows of the motel lobby, while a second unsub shoots their own rifle from the second floor. In all the chaos of gunshots and screams, your mind rotates through three things; Is Spencer okay? A partner wasn’t in the profile. My ribs hurt. Is Spencer okay? A partner wasn’t in the profile. My ribs hurt. Where’s Spenc—

The following silence was deafening.

And then, a group of uniforms led by Hotch and JJ move in on the motel. You begin to stand, intending to join the second group of uniforms with Luke and Rossi. Subconsciously, your hand presses against your side. It’s warm. And wet. You take one step forward. Hear Spencer call out your name. And then, it all turns black.

Spencer’s hands won’t stop shaking. He stares at it. The red on his palms. It’s drying, and all he can do is stare blankly at it. His knee jerks. It won’t stop. He feels a hand on his shoulder. Heavy. Comforting. Unwanted. He hears Luke ask him if he needed anything. He can’t hear his own reply. Hunched over his bloodied hands, he sees the boots peeking between his fingers. Black. Leather. Heeled. JJ tries to get him to wash his hands. He feels hands guide him to a sink. That same hand on his shoulder leaving when smaller hands take his in their own. The water is cold between his fingers. The hand scrubbing his knuckles is warm. He can’t afford to look away. Can’t risk his eyes closing for more than a blink. He needed to be distracted by something. Knowing that if mind was preoccupied by any other menial thing, he won’t be forced to see your body falling onto the sandy ground. Over and over. The scream in his throat. The thud. The frantic hands. Red, red, red. Pale lips and eyes closed. Over and over.

He has half a mind to stop JJ from cleaning his hands. But then, the faucet turns off. Paper towels are pressed into his hands, and JJ guides him back to where the rest of the team are waiting. Their silence tells him that there hasn’t been anything new. He falls into a chair. Numbers. Statistics. That can help him focus on something else.

The number of GSWs treated per biennium increased from 1,349 in 1996-1997 to 1,484 in 2014-2015, with a 59% increase occurring from 2010-2011 to 2014-2015. Overall mortality was 14.6%—

An unfamiliar name calls out your name.

He stands before anyone else can react. Like a wolf descending on a prey, he begins a barrage of questions; “Where is she? Is she okay? Is she ali—”

“She alive and well. The shrapnel missed any major arteries, and we were able to take every fragment out. Major bruising around her ribs. She’s currently sedated, but you can come and see her.”

Spencer bites back an attempt to snap, wanting to raise his voice and demand that they bring him to her already. But he doubts you’d let him get away with such a behavior. And so he silently follows after the doctor, fists pressed against his sides, thumb popping a knuckle.

When he enters your room, it’s dimly lit. But he can see your face, and the bruise on your cheek from when you fell unconscious. His eyes take you in, every inch of you. The hair pulled behind your ears. The medical gown covering pallor skin. The tube connected to the crook of your elbow. He reaches a hand out, smoothing your hair, before taking a deep breath in. He remembers your comment about the smell of hospitals.

“I’ll stay with her,” he mumbles. Two fingers pushing down the collar of your hospital gown. You don’t like it when your clothes bunch up around your neck. His fingers subconsciously move to trace the side of your throat. Moving to feel the beat of your pulse beneath his fingertips.

“I’ll bring your bags back in an hour,” he nods once to acknowledge JJ’s words.

“Thank you,” he coughs away the lump in his throat. You’re alive. You’ll be awake in a few hours. You can go home by the end of the week. He forces himself to feel optimistic.

“Get some rest if you can, Reid,” Hotch speaks from where he’s standing nearest to the door.

He nods, opting not to say anything. Unable to make promises.

Your eyes are heavy when you come to. You can feel the crust on your lids. The cool of the AC against your cheek. Slowly, you open your eyes. There’s a painting of a grassy field on the wall in front of you. You turn your head. Spencer has his socked feet up on the armchair. Curling into himself to fit better. He has his focus on your copy of Pride and Prejudice. You can tell it’s yours by the sticky tabs peeking between the pages.

“Spence?” your voice is throaty and hoarse. Struggling to crawl out. He still hears it, anyway.

“Oh, baby,” he drops your book on the chair, moving to sit by your side. His forehead presses against yours, his hands cup your jaw. Spencer presses a kiss on the apple of your cheek.

“You scared me,” he confesses with a whisper.

“I’m okay now,” you bring a hand into his hair. He moves his kisses down to your jaw.

“I was so afraid of losing you.”

You take his kisses as he freely gives them. He hides his face into your neck, kissing where it meets your shoulder. You move your hand down to scratch where his hair ends before his nape. “You could never get rid of me,” you say with a small smile. He presses a kiss where your neck meets your ear.

Right hand on your cheek, left hand going down to grip the flesh below your scapula. Slender thumb and finger pinching the softness behind your armpit. He breathes in the scent of you. Your hand starts to massage the muscle where his neck and shoulder meet. You know that he feels heavy there whenever he gets stressed out. You want to crack a joke at how tense he is, but keep it in and choose to give him comfort instead.

“I love you,” his lips whisper against your skin.

You sigh, the sound making him look up to meet your eyes.

“I was so scared too,” it was your turn to confess.

“You’re okay. We’re both okay,” he moves his hands to take yours into his. You squeeze his hands thrice.

“I asked Hotch to give me time off while you’re on medical leave.”

“You did?”

He squeezes your hand back. Three times like you both always have, and always will.

“I also had to call your family,”

He watches you grimace, “How did they take it?” He gives you a slight wince of a smile.

You let out a sigh, “I’ll call them in a bit.”

“Your mom is taking a flight to Washington,” he informs you.

“That sucks. We won’t have the house to ourselves for at least a month.”

He raises a brow at you, “Why would it matter? You’re not allowed any strenuous activity for three.”

You give Spencer a little pout, chastised that he easily called you out, “That’s just mean.”

He gives you a withering look, “Behave.” He gives you one more kiss on the cheek, moving to stand from your bed. He has to tell the team you’re awake. Taking your phone from the end table, he begins to draft a text.

“I still have my hands, you know.”

He turns to you, caught off guard. Disbelief painting his features.

“You did not just say that,” he says.

You stick a tongue out.

“Stop it. You’re injured,” he says with a slight reprimand.

“So? That didn’t stop us when your knee got shot.”

His mouth falls open, “I can’t believe you.”

“Three months is just a recommendation. You would know.”

You grin at the blush that takes over his face.

taglist: @i-live-in-spite @khxna please feel free to send an ask to be added to my general taglist!

[maximoffcarter]

Ice Queen 2.0.

Pairings: Casey Novak x Alex Cabot

Summary: Alexandra Cabot is known as the Ice Queen, and after a while, she learned to embrace it. Casey Novak, was known for her tough attitude and showed no fear. What happened when the squad gets on Novak's nerves?

A/n: I bring you another Calex one shot🫡This was requested by @saurgaeee so this is specially dedicated for them hehe. Yes, in my mind, this is set between S11 and S13 and Elliot is still there, Amanda and Amaro had joined, and that's that haha. I hope you guys enjoy this aaand if you have any more requests, please don't hesitate on sending an ask or message. I'm a nice person, I promise haha you don't have to be shy or afraid to talk to me. Enjoy and leave your comments, reblogs, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

*not my gif*

Alexandra Cabot was known for being ‘The Ice Queen’, she couldn’t deny that for a while it annoyed to even hear that nickname, but after a while, she learn to grow into it because she figured out that people feared her, which made her powerful in some way, knowing people wouldn’t want to mess with her. She knew how to get what she wanted, and if she didn’t, she would go out of her way to do so. In court, she wasn’t playing, she was also not doing it to be in the headline of the newspaper, she wanted justice and if she had to be The Ice Queen to get it, then bring it on. Everyone already knew that if they got under her skin, they were done for sure, the whole squad had seen it, hell, the whole precinct had seen it. Casey had seen it. Of course it hadn’t been against her, never her. She was probably the only person that had been safe from the Ice Queen, even when she did something that could upset Alex, she could never stay upset, she was her girlfriend, she was her weakness, and people knew this, but even trying to have Casey there to protect themselves, it never worked. And honestly? Casey enjoyed it, she just laughed and was the person to say, I told you so.

And here they were once again. Another case that had been handed to Alex and once again, they were trying to have Alex as their servant, getting them warrants for everything when they didn’t even have any proof nor reason to get them. They felt entitled to demand Alex to get them, knowing perfectly that Petrovsky would never actually agree, and she’d get scolded again, and if that’s what they expected her to go through? They were completely in the wrong, and she was done listening to them yelling around, specially Elliot that always thought that because his gut told him so, things had to go his way.

“I will not tell you again. Do you want the warrant? Then find me something that actually works, find me evidence, a witness, anything that is not your stupid gut. If you think Petrovsky is going to give me the warrant just because your goddamn gut told you so, then you talk to her yourself. And let me tell you…if I get scolded for it, it’ll be ten times worst for you.” Alex grabbed her briefcase and looked at Elliot again. “Until you get me something good, don’t even think about calling me or making me waste my time again.”

Alex walked out of the room without looking at anyone else anymore, the whole room had gone quiet and there was no one who could say or stop her. She had said what she had said, and that was the end of it. They all looked at each other, almost speechless for what had just happened. It was even funny how they were so surprised knowing this was definitely not the first time that Alex had gone off on them like this, and certainly it wouldn’t be the last either. Casey just stood there staring at them, not a surprise in her face as she looked at everyone. Elliot then stared at her for a moment, his eyebrows raised as if questioning if she could do something. Almost begging her for anything.

Casey chuckled. “What? You really think I can convince her? After that? You’re out of your mind.” She grabbed her briefcase and shrugged. “You know she’s right. Petrovsky has her eyes on us as it is. Another stunt like this, and both of us will be sleeping in a cell.” She walked to the door and then looked back at Elliot. “Don’t test her, Stabler. You already know the Ice Queen.” She grinned before she left the office.

Casey had stopped to buy lunch for both of them, knowing that after that scene, Alex had completely forgotten that they were going to go for lunch after visiting the precinct. She went to her office to drop off her briefcase and coat and then headed to Alex’s office, who was at her desk reading through the files. Casey closed the door behind her and smiled once Alex looked up at her, an annoyed look on her face. Casey raised the bag of food in her hands and walked to the small table beside Alex’s desk, putting the bag on the table.

“That was quiet a scene.” Casey chuckled softly as she looked at Alex.

“I’m pretty sure the gray hairs I have are not because of my age but because of them.” Alex sighed as she dropped her pen and stood up, walking to Casey. “You know, the other day, Elliot asked me how it was possible that you dealt with me at home.” She grinned.

Casey shook her head. “Did he really say that?”

Alex shrugged. “I know he didn’t mean it. It was the heat of the moment.” She smiled as she looked at Casey, her hand going to Casey’s cheek and stroking it softly. “How do you deal with the Ice Queen back home, Ms. Novak?”

Casey chuckled softly as she placed her hands on Alex’s waist and pulled her close to her body. “I simply start the teasing and she’s over it in an instant.” She smirked.

Alex raised her brows playfully. “Sounds like a good way to get her out of her trance.” She giggled as she kissed Casey’s lips.

Casey smiled against her lips and raised her brow. “See? She’s now gone.” She pecked her lips. “So now, sit down and eat. I’ll help you out a bit before I have to go to my arraignment.”

“You’re an angel.” Alex smiled and sat down, opening the bag to get their food.

********************

After the stunt that Elliot had put, he had come to an agreement with Alex once they found more evidence that Alex took to get the warrants they needed, which also helped her at the end to win the case. It was comical to see how after the case was over, either they won or lost, they completely forgot about the arguments or fights they had, sometimes it was taken personally, but they knew that after the stress and pressure, they could all say things they didn’t mean. And so, they all moved on. This is why they all got along so well, and they were a good team, they understood each other, and they’d always have each other’s back no matter what.

A few days after, they got another case, and this one was handed over to Casey, Alex had joked with them that if they didn’t want to get scolded again, maybe they should hand it to Casey, who seemed to deal with them better than Alex ever did. Yes, Casey got frustrated, she got into arguments with them, she had a tough attitude and always put everyone in their places, but they had not actually seen Casey going off like Alex had done so many times -that’s why the nickname-. As they went over the case, Casey already knew this would be a tough one; a group of teenage boys who raped three students plus the sister of a little girl, and two of those girls…were dead. Of course, the three teenagers had money, which made the case even harder because of missing evidence, missing witnesses, and a ton of bullshit from the attorneys. Casey had been in this situation before, and she didn’t want to make the same mistake again, she didn’t want to put the only victims and witnesses she had in the Grand Jury. She couldn’t risk it, she couldn’t possibly go through that ordeal again of convincing them to testify before the Grand Jury and then having them put in danger because they were brave enough to speak. She had gone over it with the whole squad, making it very clear that she’d only be presenting the statements and that was it, so they had to find more evidence to convict the three teenagers. But there was always the DA’s office that screwed up their plan and Casey always had to listen, more so after her suspension, she was afraid it would happen again.

Casey walked into her office and threw her briefcase to the floor, slamming the door closed and going to the very end of her office. Not only was the DA on her neck, but also Olivia and Amanda were eating her alive when she told them that the girls would testify, and she was still waiting on Elliot and Amaro to find out. Did they really think that it was in her hands? She wasn’t her own boss, she didn’t run the DA’s office. She had to go by the book, so they didn’t have her neck again, she was not about to lose her license. She really didn’t want to do this, she was willing to do everything in her power to not put those girls in that position, but now, she was in a position that if she didn’t do as she was told, they’d either pass the case to someone else, or she’d be punished. She groaned loudly as she slammed her hands on the table, and just in that moment, Alex walked into her office and closed the door behind her. She had gotten a call from Olivia, and she should go check on Casey, and here she was; her girlfriend leaning over the table without saying a word, but she could see her body was trembling.

“Case?”

“Not right now, Alex.”

Alex sighed softly as she looked at Casey again. “What happened?”

“Fucking Cutter happened.” Casey snapped as she breathed heavily, walking to the window, and looking out.

“Casey, the squad will make sure they are safe. Those bastards have hidden every possible evidence that can help you.”

“I know but…this is my case. He doesn’t believe that I have a case without the girls. I can actually do this.” Casey looked at Alex.

Alex walked to her and kissed the side of her head softly. “I know. We all know this. Cutter is just being an ass.” She whispered softly as she put a strand of hair behind her ear, kissing the side of her head again. “I know my girlfriend.” She grinned.

Casey smiled softly as she nodded. “Only you do.” She chuckled.

Before Alex could say anything else, Casey’s phone went off, making her sigh heavily and went to get her phone, picking up her briefcase and putting it on her desk. Alex walked to her and leaned over the desk, looking up at her girlfriend as she answered the call. She took her time to study her face for a moment, noticing that she had never seen Casey looking this upset, let alone trembling because she was upset, but she knew this case was important for her and she regretted a bit that she had denied to have this case because then, Casey wouldn’t be in this position. Just as she thought that Casey had calmed down, she could see that her cheeks gone red and before she knew it, Casey hung up the phone, grabbed her briefcase and out the door she was. Alex furrowed her brows for a moment but followed her rapidly. Something was definitely about to go down.

Normally, Alex wouldn’t be surprised on how fast Casey walked, after all, she played softball, but she was surprised right at this moment as she followed because she could barely get on her pace, and Casey was definitely in a trance because she didn’t hear Alex calling her name. She couldn’t even figure out what was going on before they were in front of the whole squad, Olivia turned to look at both women and she could already tell that they had done something and that was the reason Casey literally flew here. Alex just stood behind Casey, not sure what to do, but slightly jumped as Casey slammed her briefcase in one of their desks, staring at everyone.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

Amanda turned to look at her and sighed softly. “We didn’t have another choice, Novak.”

“You didn’t have-“ Casey scoffed. “You should’ve called me. That was your other choice. You. Call. Me. You do know this will be mentioned in court, right? The defense will argue that you showed up without reason, threatened them and Petrovsky is gonna come for my head when she finds out what you all did.” She shook her head. “I’ll be the one in trouble, not you. And honestly? It’s all of your heads they should be after. This case can go to the trash for your stunt.”

“Call you?” Amaro furrowed his brows. “You wanted us to call you so you can tell us that you can’t get a warrant because we have nothing? Oh, no, we’ve heard that before. You think we’re not doing anything here, but we are.” He stood up from his chair and walked to Casey. “You are the one who is listening to whatever the DA’s office tells you and you don’t change a damn thing.”

Casey stared at him as if she could throw daggers with her eyes. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“We know the girls are going to testify.” Olivia simply said as she looked at Casey.

“You cannot put those girls in the stand, Casey.” Amanda shook her head. “We know the power they have, they could be in danger.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Casey looked at her with a defying stare.

“It’s your case. It’s your choice. You’re the one putting them there! You said we had time to get evidence.” Amaro shrugged. “We’ll say that he attacked us, so we defended ourselves.”

“And you think they’re gonna buy that? You went to their house and beat up not only the father, but one of the boys. They’ll find out and then, they’re coming for our jobs. I am not risking that. I am not gonna risk my job.”

“Oh so, that’s what this is about. You care more about your job than the girls.”

“Drop it, Amaro.” Elliot said as he looked at him.

“No. She cares more about losing her job than putting the girls in danger. Rollins said it. They have money, they have power. Tomorrow the girls testify, and the next day, they’re dead somewhere in the city.”

“I do not want to put them there! Don’t you get it?! I talked to Cutter, I told him I can build a case and he said no. I cannot go above my boss.”

“You did it once! Do it again! It’s like you’re giving them the free pass to get these girls killed!”

“I don’t see you bringing me any evidence.” Casey snapped. “You stand here, ready to yell at me for something I do not have control over. You don’t want me putting them in there? Then get me fucking evidence. I cannot do your goddamn job, I have enough with mine already.” Her voice had changed, this was not Casey, this was ADA Novak. “And no. It is not my choice. I am not my own boss, if I was, trust me, I’d have your ass right now for being here and not looking for evidence. Don’t you think that I know what could happen if they testify? I fucking know, and you know that I know!”

“Do you, though?” Amaro snapped.

Casey was about to walk to him before Elliot stopped her, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t pretend like I’m some cold hearted bitch who doesn’t give a shit about those girls! If I could, I wouldn’t be doing this, but I have no other choice. I want those assholes behind bars as much as you want!” Casey groaned as she looked at Elliot, pushing him so he could let go of her. She then looked back at Amaro. “I remind you we are in this together, I’m not on their side. So, if you want me to avoid this, get me some fucking evidence and don’t come for me again thinking you’re entitled to yell at me for something I don’t have control over. Go do your goddamn job instead of telling me how to do mine!”

Both Alex and Elliot stared at each other for a moment, not sure what had just happened. Amaro finally was left speechless and only nodded and walking away followed by Amanda, Fin, and Munch. The whole time that Casey had been yelling speaking, Alex had stared at the redhead with her mouth almost wide open and completely frozen as she listened. Casey was yelling at Amaro but for a moment she thought Casey was yelling at her. She knew the level of anger that Casey could get into, she had seen her in court many times, she had seen her angry, but she had never seen her lash out like this. She didn’t even know if she was scared, surprised, or even aroused by this. When Elliot stared at her, the only thing she could do was shrug, she then returned her stare at Casey who was shaking at this point, and Alex knew it was nothing but anger radiating through her body.

“Casey?” Elliot asked softly, looking between Olivia and Alex. “Are you okay?”

Casey looked at Elliot with furrowed brows. “Don’t you dare treat me like I’m fucking insane. I meant what I said.”

Elliot nodded. “I know.”

Casey slammed her hands on the desk and groaned. “Does he really think I’m that cold hearted? I know I’m not the ray of sunshine that they want me to be, but why does he think that I don’t care? I fucking care.”

Alex didn’t know what to do, she could see that Casey was still in a trance and it seemed like talking to Elliot was not working at all. Alex took a deep breath as she placed her hands on Casey’s shoulders and turned her so she could face Alex. “Casey. I need you to take a deep breath.”

Casey finally looked at Alex. “What?”

“I need you to calm down, baby. Can you take a deep breath?” Alex placed a hand on Casey’s chest feeling her heart beating fast.

“I don’t need to calm down. You heard what he said to me, and I-“

“My love…” Alex grabbed Casey’s hand and placed it on her chest so she could feel Alex’s heartbeat. “I need you to breath. Your heartbeat keeps racing. Can you do that for me?” Casey nodded as she took a deep breath. “Just like that. That’s it. Take another.” Alex took a deep breath along Casey, her eyes staring into green ones as they breathed out. “One more time, baby.” They took a deep breath and then breathed out together. “Do you need to take another?”

Casey shook her head. “No.” She looked down at her hands and furrowed her brows. “Why do you have my hand on your boobs?”

Alex chuckled. “My chest, actually. But close.” She smiled. She let go of her hand and placed both on Casey’s cheeks. “I lost you there for a second, you were in a trance.”

Casey sighed, letting her hand fall to Alex’s waist. “Amaro pissed me off.”

“He did.” Alex chuckled. “I think we’re gonna send the poor guy to therapy if he has both of us going off on him.”

Casey laughed with Alex, sighing softly. “I’m sorry. I…I guess I’m too stressed.”

“Just a bit.” Elliot grinned.

Casey looked back at Elliot and sighed again. “If you didn’t stop me, I think I would’ve slapped him or punch his in the face.”

Elliot nodded as he chuckled. “Yeah, I could tell. I preferred to stop you before you gave him a purple eye.” He rubbed her back and offered a smile. “Get out of here. We got this, okay? We know you’re doing the best you can.”

Olivia offered a smile as she nodded. “Amaro had no right to say those things to you. We know why you’re doing what you’re doing. And trust me, Casey, if there is no other option, we will definitely keep an eye on the girls until this is all over.”

Casey nodded softly. “Thanks guys.”

Elliot smiled. “We got your back.” He looked at Alex and nodded, walking away with Olivia.

Alex smiled softly as Casey returned her eyes to Alex. “I’ve never seen you like that before. Are you gonna turn into Ice Queen 2?”

“I’m probably heading there.” Casey grinned.

Alex smiled. “Then we’ll both be Ice Queens.” She giggled as she pulled Casey for a kiss. “Are you feeling better?”

Casey nodded. “I think so. I do need a break.”

“What do you say we go out for lunch? If they have something important, I’m sure they’ll call you.”

Casey nodded again and smiled. “I’d like that.”

Alex pecked her lips and then smirked. “Maybe if we have time, we can have some dessert. Just to relax a bit more.”

“Oh?” Casey raised her brow as she grinned. “Could we have dessert first?”

Alex chuckled. “I need you to have energy, so let’s go now so we have some time.” She winked at her as she grabbed her hand.

Maybe Casey and Alex weren’t that different after all, and Alex would definitely not admit that she got all hot watching Casey going off like that, cause she knew the teasing would never end.

[loudlooks]

Day 17 - Spring cleaning

30 day challenge notes: quantity over quality, limited editing, stand-alone/unrelated stories unless specifically stated otherwise, not always tiva, chronologically randomly set in whatever pre-s11 season seems to fit

A/N: Tiva, Tony jumping to conclusions, making out. this was supposed to be 300 words of nonsense so I could write the spring break prompt as well today...something went horribly wrong. Thank you for the prompt @hopeless-nostalgiac!

Tag for blocking/following: 30 days of spring

Prompt: Spring cleaning

Word count: 1611

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As he waited at her door, Tony briefly wondered if he should’ve texted her ahead of time. He shifted the three case files to his left arm, and knocked again. Seconds that felt like hours went by, and just as he was about to grab his phone and call her, the door swung open, revealing a rather disheveled looking Ziva.

“You need to work on your ninja hearing, I had to knock twice.”

“I was busy in the bedroom.”

Tony looked her up and down; messy bun with loose strands framing her face, a black hoodie with indecipherable faded logo that looked vaguely familiar but several sizes too large and definitely a man’s, bare legs and feet. His stomach clenched and he wished he had called her before coming over.

“Oh, right,” he mumbled and shifted the files back to his right arm.

At the sight of the files, Ziva asked, “Anything new?”

To his surprise, she walked back into her apartment, and grabbed a bottle of water from the coffee table. He frowned at the open invitation for him to follow her inside, and did so hesitantly, trying very hard—but failing—to keep his mind from wandering to whatever had been happening in her bedroom before he had interrupted.

“No...just wanted to go over things with you in a different setting.” He glanced in the direction of her bedroom. “But if you’re…busy, it can wait until tomorrow.”

Ziva swallowed the gulp of water she had just taken, and closed the bottle cap, then nodded at her bedroom. “No, in fact, we can do both at the same time if you read the files to me,” she said and walked away.

Seconds that felt like years passed as Tony stood nailed to the floor, trying to process her suggestion.

Ziva popped back out of the bedroom door and looked at him in confusion. At the look of horror on his face, she smirked. “I am not asking for your help, Tony, I know you hire people to do that for you.”

A feeling of dread took hold of him, yet his feet began to move on their own volition as soon as Ziva raised her eyebrows. He stopped a foot away from the door, waiting to hear voices…or worse, but heard nothing but Ziva’s bare feet on the carpet. With trepidation, he glanced inside the room.

A pile of clothes lay in the middle of the bed, and he released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. With a wide smile he took in the rest of the room; opened drawers, open closet door, boots and shoes strewn around the floor.

“Place looks like you got robbed,” he joked, as all tension left his body.

Ziva glanced around, moved the pile of clothes to one side of the bed to make room to sit, and simply said, “Spring cleaning.”

“Well,” he said dropping the files on the bed, “you’re nothing if not thorough.”

His inquisitive mind took over and led his feet straight to the chest of open drawers, as soon as Ziva turned her back to him. He poked around the neatly sorted underwear, and picked up a black lace bra. Holding it up to her, his mind conjuring images of her in it, he said, “I’ve never seen you wear this.”

Ziva turned around, narrowed her eyes, and snatched the bra from him. “The only time you’ve seen me in lingerie was years ago, for work.”

“We should do something about that,” he blurted out, grinning widely. As his gaze ran down her body, trying to bring back those memories, his mind came to a screeching halt as soon as the hoodie she was wearing registered again.

There may not have been a naked man in her bedroom like he had feared, but there was clearly a man in her life. Suddenly the thought of going through her underwear drawer had lost all of its appeal.

He sat down on the bed, and opened one of the files, as the hollowness in his chest expanded.

The mattress dipped next to him as she sat down, and looked at him expectantly. “Where do you want to start?” She grabbed a shirt from the pile of clothes, and began to fold it neatly.

Tony shrugged, flipped through a few pages while chewing his bottom lip. “Maybe…Walker’s testimony?”

Ziva stared at him intensely, then nodded and grabbed another item of clothing.

As Tony read the testimony, Ziva continued folding clothes and placing them on a pile on the bed. “I got nothing,” he said dejectedly, and closed the file.

Ziva frowned at him, grabbed a hoodie, and bumped his arm with her elbow. “DiNozzo’s don’t give up that easily.”

Tony shook his head vigorously, knowing she was right, but the focus just wasn’t there. He glanced at her, but didn’t have the will or energy to decipher what was happening behind those deep, brown eyes of hers. Following the methodical movement of her skilled hands was a lot safer, less confusing.

A fold here, a tuck there, the palm of her hand swiping over the logo, then placing it on the ever growing stack of folded clothes.

His gaze shot up to hers, then back at the gray hoodie with the red Buckeyes logo. He grabbed it from the top of the pile, undoing her handy work, and held it up. “That’s mine, I looked for it everywhere.”

Ziva opened and closed her mouth, then tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You gave it to me.”

“I did not,“ he said, and suddenly remembered a cold evening at the end of last summer when they were all at Gibbs’ for a barbecue.

Looking at the pile of clothes behind him, he spotted the frayed edge of a black sleeve, and pulled out one of his oldest Ohio State long sleeve shirts. “I never realized we went to the same college,” he deadpanned.

She held up her palms. “So I forgot to return a few of your clothes after borrowing them.”

“A few? If I had amnesia I would assume I lived here.”

Ziva rolled her eyes, and tried to grab the shirt from him, but he refused to give in. Tony’s interest in the shirt vanished into thin air as soon as their struggle became more physical and his nose ended up right behind her ear. The scent of her had sent his mind spiraling into endless possibilities that always ended up with her in his arms. He lied still on his back, and bit his bottom lip breathing heavily, as Ziva straddled him, holding the shirt above her head triumphantly.

The challenging look in her eyes, made him want to kiss the smug smile from her lips. As he dropped his arms, his hands made contact with warm, toned skin. His gaze was drawn to the strong thighs at either side of him, and as alarm bells rang somewhere in the back of his mind, his fingers flexed, and stroked automatically.

Part of him wanted to check her reaction, make sure he wasn’t crossing any boundaries. A more persistent part was drawn to her body and warmth like a magnet. He ran his hands up her thighs, muscles twitching under his fingers as he reached the waistband of the hoodie.

The hitch of her breath broke the spell long enough for him to finally meet her gaze. Her dark eyes full of want staring back at him made his whole body tingle.

Never breaking eye contact, Ziva dropped the shirt to the side, and placed her hands on his, while biting her bottom lip. She guided his hands higher, underneath the hoodie, over the thin strip of fabric covering her hips.

The sensation was too tantalizing and he could not resist looking, as his fingers tickled up her sides, hidden from view by black fabric. A small, red and white tag, right above the hoodie’s waistband drew his attention.

“Wait,” he said, his heart still hammering in his chest. He pulled his left hand back, vaguely wondering what he was doing as the loss of warm skin beneath his fingertips hit him, and fiddled with the tag. “This is mine, as well.”

Ziva looked down at him, mischief written all over her face. “Do you want it back?” she said in a voice that seemed to reverberate through his body and soul.

A halfhearted shrug was the best he could manage after his hands had, once again, found their way to her warm, bare skin.

“Fine.” With a seductive smile, she pulled the hoodie over her head and threw it in the direction of the bedroom door. “You can pick it up later, on your way out.”

Tony’s eyes went wide, and his hands held her thighs tighter. He licked his lips, and said, “Nice to know you were done organizing all of your bras when I got here.”

Ziva squeezed her thighs, and slid her hands up his chest, lowering herself on top of him at an excruciatingly slow pace. She rubbed the tip of her nose against his, breathing heavily, lips parted. “Why were you so hesitant to come in earlier?”

Tony’s hands slid up her bare back, holding her closer. He chuckled. “I thought there was a naked man in your bedroom.”

Ziva nipped at his bottom lip, then ran her rand hand down his side and under his shirt. Wagging her eyebrows, she said, “The night is still young.”

Tony grinned, and ran his right hand through her hair, pulling her head back lightly, exposing her neck. As he peppered her skin with kisses, he murmured, “Never realized spring cleaning could be this much fun.”

[ikkleosu]

When did Caryl fall in love?

Reposting this on its own cos someone said they didn’t realise I’d written something cos it’s under the read more cut. Anyhoo this is my opinion on when Daryl and Carol fell in love/knew they were in love with each other in reply to an ask @my-mt-heart got! I disagree that Carol only realised the depth of her feelings at the end of s11 - what was her dream and Look at the Flowers all about if not her trying to pretend what she knew only too well? I think Carol fell KNOWINGLY in love first, by s2 and his search for Sophia. She knew what she felt but wasn’t entertaining it beyond making sure Daryl knew he was appreciated and wanted.

I think Daryl was in love then too but had no idea what that feeling was and was confused and angry about his attachment to her (hence the s2 uncomfortable scenes). S3 Carol is okay and comfortable enough with her feelings to be flirtatious and teasing. And Daryl is slowly warming to that, but doesn’t for one minute think she’s actually serious. He becomes more aware of his feelings when he thinks she’s died, but he likely still hasn’t put a name to it.

Season 4 I think was them closest to being together. Daryl had grown in confidence and self-assurance, and was much more relaxed with his relationship with Carol. And same for her. And then the flu happened, Carol is banished, Daryl is angry, the prison falls, they scatter to the winds. Daryl is cruel to Beth and back-slides emotionally, angry for many reasons feeling he “failed” and that he lost Carol. Carol goes through the worst thing ever in The Grove and is forever changed by it - she is the person who does what needs to be done, no matter the personal cost to herself. And that cost is her own self-worth. She no longer thinks she’s a good person or worthy, and she certainly doesn’t think she’s worthy of Daryl’s love, in any format. When Daryl sees her in No Sanctuary he knows totally and utterly he loves her and wants to be with her, but Carol has a wall up now and won’t let him in. He is determined to stick by her side and wait until she is ready. Then Beth dies and Daryl goes into his own shell - he feels again he failed, feels bad for how he treated Beth and for not saving her either time. He hates himself. Carol recognises it and tells him to feel it, but she can’t feel the things because she will be completely undone. So they drift apart in Alexandria, because of those reasons and because of the things Alexandria does to them - Daryl doesn’t feel like he fits and doesn’t know his place, Carol puts on a mask and becomes someone else. As part of that mask, she gets together with Tobin. He likes her, he’s a distraction, and emotion free sex is something she’s very used to. But it doesn’t make the pain stop, and after someone else (Denise) dies, Carol sees Daryl’s pain and sees how she will be if he dies. So she leaves. Daryl goes through his own hell with Negan. When he thinks he’s going to die his last thoughts are of Carol. Thoughts of her keep him going in his cell. And when he discovers she’s outside the Kingdom, every emotion comes rushing back. He’s so in love with her but he’s also incredibly hurt she left him. When he comes to her house he understands why she left, sees that she is not in a good place emotionally to take his love, or the truth, and he leaves hoping to give her time to heal and come back. And she heals enough to become part of something again, but now she’s attached to Henry, and Ezekiel - and Daryl has lost his moment.

Carol is one step further down the healing path than she was at Alexandria, but she’s still pretending. It’s just a more pleasant kind of pretend, and she likes Ezekiel  - probably loves him in a way. And he understands her in a way, and lets her be whatever it is she wants to be. And that includes mother to Henry. By the start of s9, she is much more herself, and contemplating a future. Maybe she could come back and be with Daryl? But Daryl is still post-Negan angry, he’s fighty and unpredictable. One look at Henry and Carol knows what she and Henry need at that point is the easy, comfort of Ezekiel and the quiet life at Kingdom. Then Rick dies. Daryl goes to live in the woods. Carol visits him to keep him tethered, she still loves him but she can’t give him what he needs. And of course, we know what happens with Daryl. The love he has for Carol that he’s dealt with, is suddenly feeling utterly hopeless to him, when Carol says she can’t visit anymore and he tries a relationship with Leah. He thinks she’s his future. She’s like him, she gets it. That’s what he should do. But she isn’t. And Carol shows up with teenage Henry and they reconnect and have so much chemistry. They remember their feelings for each other. Daryl will do anything she asks, and Carol trusts NO ONE more than Daryl.

Daryl goes back to Hilltop, Carol carries on with Ezekiel - though she’s even more aware her “marriage” isn’t what it should be. And Ezekiel is aware of that too.

Then Henry dies. And the board is flipped in the air again. But this time Carol knows there’s only one person she wants comfort and support from, and she knows she is too tired of pretending anymore. With this grief weighing on her, she no longer has the energy to be who Ezekiel wants her to be. And she leaves him and goes to her only source of comfort - Daryl.

And Daryl is back to his s5 place, waiting for her to be okay. But still, all her old pain is there so Carol goes off on a boat for a while. And Daryl pines and waits, and takes her out on a lunch date when she gets back. Carol knows what she wants and Daryl is in a good place and they make tentative plans to runaway together.

But there’s Alpha and neither can walk away from that fight. And that reawakens all Carol’s feelings about herself, how broken she is, how much she hurts everyone, how unworthy of love she is. But what she wants breaks through in her dreams, and she’s terrified of how much she wants it - wants a life with him. It’s so hard to deal with it, especially as he is there by her side desperately wanting her to tell him what’s going on, what she wants. But she can’t see herself sticking around, alive, and doesn’t want Daryl to hurt more so she keeps herself to herself. Sees the cuteness of Connie and their friendship and tries to push him onto Connie for his own good. And then Connie nearly dies, and Carol knows now in herself Daryl will never ever love her, not in the way she wants. She’s ready to die to make up for her sins, but Lydia saves her and makes her feel worth, so she sticks around.

Then Find Me... and again shit flies. Now she finds out more about Leah, what she was to Daryl. Carol loses faith that she knows Daryl like she thought. He finally unleashes all his anger at her repeated attempts to leave or kill herself. But both are speaking at cross-purposes, and as far as we know, they never clear that up. They just slowly work back to their friendship that they both settle for as papering over the gap of what they really want. And Daryl decides to leave to do... whatever he is doing. Carol doesn’t love him like he loves her, or she wouldn’t have wanted to die, or marry Ezekiel or leave... right? Carol lets him, because he doesn’t love her like she loves him because she’s not worthy right? not like Connie or whoever? He deserves to find someone worthy of his special love. That’s where we are... and hopefully we will find out exactly what Norman means by Daryl was so close to getting what he wants, and how that is Carol.

[saltbottles]

Another End - A Collection of Short Spn Fics: Ouch! pt. 1

Hey sillies! As preparation for S11-15 (especially that freaking finale), I've been stocking up on comfort and h/c fics. Including some of my own creation.

-Ao3 Link-

-----

Tap! Tap!

You look up to see Bobby holding out a tattered book from his spot at his desk, gaze affixed on his own book, scanning the lines of text. Smiling, you lean forward dramatically and grab the old lore book from his hand, then flopped back into your armchair with a sigh. You softly run your thumb over the faded leather cover. It was nice finally being able to help out.

Despite Bobby actively hunting and researching in front of you as a child and young teen, he had strictly forbidden you from getting anywhere near that world. And you respected his rule; mostly, anyway. You toed the line far more than just once, but you made sure to never do enough to fully cross it, or get caught. So for years, you snuck around him and his rules: reading from the countless volumes in the dead of night, pressing your ear against doors in an attempt to listen to any phone call or conversation regarding that forbidden life. You even went as far as convincing a certain hunter friend of Bobby’s to give you brief self-defense lessons when he stopped by. Although, more times than not, they were given to you by his eldest son. You absorbed all the knowledge like the teenage sponge you were. 

It all came to a hedge when that hunter friend asked you to join him on a hunt with his son. While the monster ended in a pile of ashes, you sat in a puddle of your own blood. Now Bobby wasn’t stupid, so when he asked about the reddish bandage on your side, and you quickly responded with: it was from a door, he told you to stop bullshitting him and tell the truth. Pissed wouldn’t even begin to describe Bobby when you told him what’d happened. After that incident, Bobby had really banned you from anything hunting related until you were at least eighteen. 

You stretch your legs out before curling them back in and placing your attention on the book in front of you once more. Eyes skimming over each page, you searched for those keywords you’d picked up from what the hunter you and Bobby were helping had told the two of you. A small hum leaves your mouth as you stop on exactly what you’d been looking for.

“Rawhead.” You snap your fingers and point at Bobby.

He glanced up with a furrowed brow, “Rawhead? Jack ain’t huntin’ in the suburbs. Rawheads don’t live in abandoned homes.” Bobby took a sip of his beer, still looking at you. After a few moments of silence, he spoke again, “Well, c’mon now, speak up. You wouldn’t of said it if you didn’t have a reason to.”

The corners of your mouth turned up to form a small smile, “Well, the house was actually only condemned a few years ago. And considering the home recently gained the reputation among police as the ‘ Abigail Party House’, –Abigail being the name of the local high school–that means that-”

“That sonnabitch has been feedin’ on those high schoolers,” Bobby rubbed his jaw, “Little old for a Rawhead though. Don’t cha’ think?”

“It’s probably ganking the freshman, they can be pretty young. But that could also explain the infrequency and unusual pattern of disappearances. And, due to the reputation of the house, the police are most likely writing it off as an O.D., runaway case, or even just “teenager things”.” “Well shit. Jack didn’t do no research then, huh?”

“And neither did you, clearly.”

“Oh shut it.”

Bobby, grabbing his phone from the corner of his desk, leaned back and dialed Jack's number. His voice soon became background noise as you tipped your head back to stare at the wooden ceiling above you. Humming softly, you close your eyes. You hadn’t been getting a lot of sleep recently on account of your upcoming finals as well as Sam and Dean being out hunting a pair of vetala. Nasty sons of bitches. When Dean called to check in a day or so ago, he’d said they’d be heading back home soon. But with Dean’s definition of “soon”, that could be a few hours or a few days. Though, you would be shocked if it took them longer than a few days to kill a vetala and drive home, considering half the work of figuring out what they’re hunting was already taken care of. Courtesy of you and Bobby, of course.

The sound of tires turning on gravel and 80s rock slipped in from outside. Your eyes shot open as you turned to face Bobby. He was still on the phone--how much help did Jack need--but he motioned with his head for you to go out to meet the boys. Which you gladly did.

Practically running out the door, you were met with the two brothers prying themselves from the black Impala with matching groans of pain. They must have been driving for a while.

“Sam! Dean!” You jump off the porch and head towards the car.

Both men turned to look at you, expressions quickly going from grimacing to open happiness. Sam was sporting a large bruise on his left cheekbone, while Dean clearly had a limp.

“Hey ___.” Sam smiled as he reached down to hug you, lingering for a few moments before pulling away, “Is Bobby inside?”

“Yeah, he's on the phone with a hunter we’ve been helping out.” You pushed your hands into your back pockets, “Name's Jack. Jack Gonzales, if I’m remembering it right.”

Sam opened his mouth when Dean chimed in from the back of the Impala, “Gonzales? Ha!” He slams the trunk closed with one hand, the other holding his duffel bag. “I don’t know how he's lasted this long. Jack's ten whole cases of crazy, ___. I wouldn't trust him with a butter knife.”

You shrug, “Gotta help where I can, even if they're headcases.”

Dean set his bag down to hug you. Both him and Sam smelled the same: motel soap and stale car air tinged with blood. Dean usually threw on some cheap cologne, but you supposed seven plus hour car trips didn't call for cologne.

“It's good to see you kiddo,” Dean kisses the top of your head then steps back. 

You grab his bag before he can, and potentially hurt his leg even more in the process. “Y’all got everything?” They nod. “Alrighty. Y’all go set your stuff down, then go shower and change. Lord knows you need it.”

Dean lightly smacks the back of your head and Sam scoffs, “Look who’s talking.”

You turn your head in his direction, “Wow, Sam. Ouch. Next time you’re gone for two months, I’m not hugging you.”

You hear him laugh under his breath as he tries to help his brother up the porch steps. Which very quickly ends with Dean shoving him off and insisting he doesn’t need to be babied over a scratch. 

Holding the door open for the brothers, who were still arguing over the elder ones’ wound, you overhear Sam whisper, “Dean, it’s a puncture wound not a cut. You need to properly clean it before it gets infected.”

“Yeah, yeah, I-” Dean stops, realizing you were staring with wide eyes. “Uh, somethin’ on my face?”

“Puncture wound!?”

-----

I hope y'all enjoyed! Pt. 2 was supposed to go out last friday, but I got distracted by school and making cheesecake :/

[mothgardens]

it is 2am and i am feeling so much sam winchester love rn so here is a list of taylor swift songs i think resonate with him:

1. Anti-Hero

I feel as tho all the lyrics work towards his character.

Mr. Samuel “It’s me, Hi, I’m the problem it’s me… everybody agrees,” Winchester

I should not be left to my own devices -> Dean constantly implies that Sam shouldn’t be left to figure things out on his own. He does this so much that Sam actually confronts him about it, multiple times.

I wake up screaming from dreaming -> Sam used to wake up from his visions freaked the hell out.

The second verse is also very fitting; he always felt like a freak or monster compared to everyone else.

2. Clean

DEMON BLOOD !!!!!!

I think it works really well for his addiction arc because the song is about toxic relationships (aka RUBY).

The drought being the worst -> Being locked in Bobby’s panic room.

The flowers that we grown together died of thirst -> The powers that grew and developed during his addiction and slowly disappeared when he was sobering.

I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing -> Sam was shouting and banging for hours down in the panic room and no one came to check on him until he was quiet.

Ten months older, I wont give in. Now that i’m clean, I’m never gonna risk it -> He never went back

3. Nothing New

Honestly, the whole reason this song is on the list is because of the lyric:

How can a person know everything at 18, but nothing at 22 -> Sam left for Stanford at 18. That was his first taste of freedom; it was his first time deciding something for himself. He was his own person. He had finally escaped. But, then at 22, Dean came and brought him back in. Jess dies. Everything feels lost again.

In general, I think Sam has lost of teenage girl vibes to him tho. This is probably self projection, but I think its true and this is MY analysis so <3.

4. My Tears Ricochet

This song is about Sam and John’s Stanford fight, and general dynamics that they share.

This one is going to get it’s own in depth, dedicated post <3 but some highlights are:

Even on my worst day, did i deserve, all the hell you gave me -> Sam was a child. No matter how arrogant or frustrating he could be, John should have never been so harsh on him. Telling your kid to never come back just because he wants to go to college is INSANE.

And I can go anywhere I want, just not home -> THIS LINE IS SO AHHHHHHH SAMMY.

Cursing my name, wishing i stayed -> John. John. John. Cursing Sam to never return, while simultaneously wishing he had never left.

Cause when I’d fight you used to tell me I was brave -> Parallel, John telling Sam he being brave on a hunt VS John condescendingly saying Sam was being brave for standing up to him.

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same -> John realizing that Sam might have to die if nothing changes. John giving that responsibility to Dean by giving his life for Dean’s; selfless selfishness.

5. Mirrorball

Mr. Samuel “And when I break, it’s in a million pieces” Winchester

I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me -> Sam continuously tries to do his best under every circumstance. Even though most of the people around him have such little faith in him. He won’t stop trying.

And I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why -> His faith is God and the stereotypical Christian religion in general throughout the series fascinates me. He has very little reason to keep his faith, but he does. Even in later seasons, I think it was s11, when he prays and believes that Lucifer’s visions are actually messages from God.

I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try try try -> Sam doesn’t actually know what he is doing. He uses his training, but that only can get you so far in mental battles with Lucifer or physical battles with God. He does what he thinks is right. He just wants to help.

6. This Is Me Trying

This is also in the works of developing its own post. Highlights include:

I didn’t know if you’d care if i came back, i have a lot of regrets about that -> Sam never got to know if Dean wanted him back. All that time spent at Stanford he had to wonder if his father and brother actually missed him or not.

Could’ve followed my fears all the way down -> This just screams Lucifer trauma to me

THEY TOLD ME ALL MY CAGES WERE MENTAL, SO I GOT WASTED LIKE ALL MY POTENTIAL -> *violently screams and shakes* The visions, Demon blood, Hallucifer, literally anytime Sam is struggling it is brushed off as him being too worked up about it. Dean literally COMPLAINED to Bobby about how much work it was that Sam was mentally ill. LIKE DUDE.

AND MY WORDS SHOOT TO KILL WHEN IM MAD, I HAVE A LOT OF REGRETS ABOUT THAT -> Sam does say shit that is hurtful. He does shit that is bad. It’s usually out of frustration from someone else’s actions towards him. AKA it’s usually towards Dean, when Dean belittles him.

pouring out my heart to a stranger, BUT I DIDNT POUR THE WHISKEY -> Sam vs Dean (this is NOT me belittling Dean’s alcoholism bc i get he has an issue)

That this is me trying, AT LEAST IM TRYING -> Again, Sam is just doing his best.

And it’s hard to be at a party when I when i feel like an open wound -> Sam has to just behave and go through his life normally even when he is struggling with abandonment, addiction, 180 years of every abuse imaginable and unimaginable, guilt, and just so much suffering.

It ’s hard to be anywhere when all i want is you, you’re a flashback -> Sam’s feelings about Jess. I constantly think about that scene in the impala when he tells Dean that he still thinks about her. It had been like twelve or more years. Its so painful.

—

please excuse my typos

i am yet but just a girl

<3

[ssaalexblake]

it’s funny bc it was Super obvious Yaz was into 13 tracking waaaaay back to S11, and while 13 didn’t play her hand at all until Praxeus, even Just with Yaz it was very much textually there from the first half of their first season. And Just because 13 took till praxeus to play her hand, doesn’t mean she wasn’t there before then either, just that she’s very much that person whom you think you know everything about bc they’re always talking but you stop to think and realise you know Nothing about them at all. It doesn’t really matter when 13 realised her own feelings, bc they are canonically displayed eventually. And don’t get me started on the people who saw 13 Say explicitly that she Would in fact be into this entire relationship thing if not for the existential dread of her own existence and just assume she was lying about that for no reason at all. You people have so many problems. Media comprehension is quite obviously one of them. 

[destieltaggedfic]

Vessel Fics - Part 2

You all know I love when Cas possesses Dean, but it can be fun and interesting when there are other vessel issues.

Time of the Season – moonsunder   Ao3

Set 15x20 didn’t happen AU.  They defeated Chuck and Jack brought Cas back.  Dean thinks life is about to start looking up until Cas tells him that he told Jimmy Novak that he’d give his body back.  When Dean doesn’t want him to go, its agreed upon that Cas can have the vessel for Spring and Summer and Jimmy will have it for Autumn and Winter.  Its going to be a long 6 months until he can see Cas again, but at least he can pray.

Word Count: 20k                              Graphic Sexual Acts

Really, brother? - make_your_user_a_name   Ao3

Set S11.  Trapped by Amara, Lucifer decides to play with Cas for a bit and on realising that the rumours are true and Cas does in fact love Dean, shows Cas that Dean feels the same way by invading Dean’s dreams.

Word Count: 3k                                 Non-Graphic Sex

Restless - blue_eyed_cutiepatootie   Ao3

Nonspecific timeframe.  Sometimes Cas feels uncomfortable being stuck in his vessel.  Dean helps him feel more connected to it.

Word Count: 2k                                 No Sex

Want, Make, Have – trinityofone   Ao3

Set S5 AU.  They are building a new vessel for Cas and he wants Dean to choose what it looks like.

Word Count: 3k                                 No Sex

creepin' into my head, your body's breathin' me in again – SheldarpCauseFuvkIt   Ao3

Set S14 AU.  To stop Dean struggling for control, Michael kicks Dean out of his body and into Cas’ vessel.  After a fight, Cas is left fighting for his life until Dean takes control and helps fix him up the human way until his grace can kick in.

Word Count: 4k                                 Graphic Sexual Acts

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Rest In Peace Re-Watch

I watched Rest In Peace tonight from beginning to end for the first time in quite a while. Something occurred to me as I watched, and I just want to throw it out to you guys.

In the opening scene where Daryl and Judith are at the hospital, we see a walker with a large rock banging against the glass trying to break it. This is a direct call back to s1. A walker using a large rock to try to break the glass to the department store that Rick and a few members of what would become team family were hiding.

In both the episodes from the first season and the ending episodes of the last season we see the Varient walkers running, climbing and using tools. In between the first season and the last we saw no such walkers with skill. The thought that occurred to me was that the skilled walkers in s1 were in Atlanta where the CDC was and we know that they were experimenting trying to stop the virus and were in communication at least until the end with Paris and the Primrose Project.

Fast forward to s11 and we see the skilled walkers and we're now suspecting that the CRM has some type of connection because we have seen on the animated opening credits walkers that has some type of brain inserts. Could the fact that we've not seen anything in between be because the CRM had only recently been manipulating the walkers as a walker army?

Like I said at the beginning this just occurred to me this evening as I watched so it's not terribly well thought out but I just wanted to mention it and see if it sparks anything for you guys.

@galadrieljones:

I’ve definitely thought about the same thing before. Like, this is why I was very compelled by the heartless walker outside Toledo in “Evie/Joe,” because we know that Primrose Team was in Toledo at the time of the Fall, and after Jenner’s video talking about jumpstarting the walker circulatory systems, and the repeat instance with heparin, it seems like the teams were focusing their research on the heart.

I have speculated that perhaps the reason we’re seeing smart walkers in season 11 is because we’re in Ohio, at the Commonwealth. We don’t see them in Virginia, because the smart walker strains didn’t proliferate there. However, they did proliferate in Atlanta, where we know Jenner was doing research and possibly with one of the teams, working with the French, and they also proliferated in Ohio, where Team Primrose had been presenting their research at a conference.

So yeah I’m not sure if it’s more a function of when or where. Like I said I wondered if the reason were suddenly seeing smart walkers in season 11 is because we’re in Ohio. Like I can’t remember the exact tell and I can’t find it in my notes but I was able to determine that the Renaissance Fair they’re at in Variant is in Ohio.

@twdmusicboxmystery:

Yeah, for sure! That walker without the heart was just too strange and purposely placed to not mean something significant. I’ve never come up with any specific theories about it, beyond what you’ve both said here, but I agree. I can’t wait to finally get into the CRM story and start finding out! 😁

@wdway:

I just want to say I had forgotten about the heart Walker and you're right that is quite interesting and falls in line with the strangeness of what appears to be experiments on walkers.

The more I think about it I do not think that the original showrunner or for that matter Kirkman had this smart experimented on walkers by a government force storyline in mind but they did lay out some very interesting dangling threads of ideas that I feel Gimple seized upon and elaborated on that fit so well at this point to bring new life into TWD story.

I remember when Gimple took over in s4 Kirkman praised his idea with the storyline of the flu. Kirkman said he only wished he had thought of it himself. I think they work together in several ways to lay out a plan that went beyond the comic book. In watching the last episode last night when I saw that Walker hitting that window with the rock it was such a throwback scene to s1 which was so purposeful. They very much want us to remember those more intelligent walkers from the very beginning of the series.

@galadrieljones

I totally agree about Gimple. That sort of writer I think of as a “gardener,” ie: someone who is capable of carrying stories on for a long time even without a concrete plan in advance, because they can go back to previous writing and find little “seeds,” which can be grown into interesting, long term story arcs. He did that with Jenner’s France mention, Shane’s 22 necklace, the smart walkers, the helicopters, and lots more I’m not thinking of right now. He even used Grady Memorial, which is shown in the background of episode 2.1 when Rick et al are leaving Atlanta, and he’s broadcasting his final message to Morgan on the walkie talkie.

I think sometimes, too, when we see episodes that seem full of obviously loaded but super disparate imagery, episodes like “Clear,” that Gimple planting himself a BUNCH of seeds. Like he may not have had use for all of that that and, in fact, a lot of it is probably “nonsense” in the moment but it seems meaningful (ie: ABIBEL), and so fans grab onto it and remember it, so even if it doesn’t mean anything YET, it COULD mean something in the future, and because it’s so strange, many fans will remember it forever. I feel this may be what went on with the PPP card.

Even though the CRM was clearly in development at that point, probably he didn’t know much about the details yet, or he was still working them out, and there was this kind of scifi morally dubious research plot going on in his mind, leftover from Grady, and he thought a mysterious keycard with mysterious letters on it would a.) capture fans’ memories, and b.) give him something to draw from later. I really think that Gimple does this a lot.

@wdway:

I love all of these repeat symbols you mentioned above. Did you know that there is a 10:10 clock in s1 at the CDC? It's in a scene with Lori and Shane when Lori is looking for a book to read and Shane catches her alone. My point is that Gimple has a gift for using simple objects in a repeat to tie the seasons together.

@galadrieljones:

I did NOT know about the 10:10 clock at the CDC, and in fact that is very interesting because that Shane/Lori interaction has some interesting resonance with what’s going on at Grady. They’re at the CDC, which sets up an interesting connection in terms of scientific research, and also, there are major undertones of sexual assault in that scene with Lori, which is another connection to what happens at Grady.

Honestly, it’s a little daunting when you realize all this is going on, because it means that anything from past episodes can effectively be turned into foreshadowing at any time, and like we have to assume that if that happens, Gimple has a well-thought out reasoning for planting that seed. The connections between Grady and the CDC for example. There’s a lot loaded into that one simple repetition of 10:10.

@wdway:

I've been thinking about s1e6 TS-19 episode that shows the 10:10 clock ever since our conversation this afternoon and you had such good points about how it ties the CDC to Grady. Lori standing in front of the clock hold a book. This is the scene where Shane tries to sexually assault Lori. I also love the book that she's holding during the scene the title is Reasonable Doubt.

@galadrieljones

Reasonable Doubt? Sounds like a fine alternate title for Coda! Lol

@twdmusicboxmystery:

Lol. Right? 🤔

[spookyrobbins]

Well if the cheating never happened then the miscarriage would have never happened. Calzona’s drama “stopped” in storyline once they became intimate and connected. Calzona didn’t have a storyline arc until Lauren came in the picture. They had moments but nothing drawn out for a season finale (at the time they thought the show wasn’t going to get renewed). They couldn’t move them back into s8 space because Meredith and Derek were good. Cristina and Owen were ok. A couple had to be the drama and they didn’t do organic problems.

What if Callie cheated in S9 with a man/woman with Mark characteristics? Arizona walks out of therapy in s11. Difference, Callie would not sign any dissolution of their relationship. She would make divorce a living hell. I mean overbearing to the tenth power. Flowers, gifts, trips, endless love notes, trying to be in Arizona presence all the time, planned family trips. Like 3 episodes dedicated to her trying to keep Arizona. Until Alex says cut it out you crazed maniac.

If Arizona did those things after cheating I’m sure Callie would have taken her back by episode 2.

okay so callie cheating in s9 is perhaps one of my most favorite what ifs. bc (despite never watching s9) it seems like they were sort of setting callie up as a red herring for cheating (could be wrong again i’ve never seen s9)

there’s a few different routes i think you can take the actual act of cheating with callie

basically how arizona cheated: with lauren or another visiting doctor, some flirting etc and just a moment of weakness

a drunken one night stand with a stranger: callie who’s exhausted by everything with arizona and going out and getting drunk and she’s lonely and horny and it just sort of happens

a drunken/tipsy one night stand with someone she knows: this one admittedly works best if mark was still alive bc idk who else at the hospital that could happen with

i think the biggest difference is that arizona would take callie back faster. in canon, after the cheating, calzona are separated for around six months. but in a callie cheats au, slightly dependent on how fast arizona finds out, i think it’s significantly shorter. bc i think arizona would be slightly more forgiving bc she feels like she’s at fault bc she’s broken. which not healthy and not necessarily good for the future.

to your point about callie straight up not accepting the divorce, i think it’d be similar even if they had a trial separation. she’d be going above and beyond to prove to arizona that she’s in this with her.

also food for thought, callie cheating after they think arizona miscarried but turns out she’s still pregnant. just a lil fun thought

[mother-of-houseplants-2]

CHERRY OMG i have so many thoughts about post s9 shameless and you have voiced so many of them so perfectly!!! s10 and 11 are the only ones i have never rewatched because they’re so boring lmao

i think i have the most thoughts about the end of s11 BUT you have reminded me of how bad s10ep01 was 😬😬😬

1) GIRL I WAS SO SAD ABOUT THE INTRO TOO!!! AHHHHH !!!

2) cherry i am devastated to report that fiona is barely mentioned after this. the kids are kinda sorta seen talking to her in this ep and then she just… disappears. until frank (FRANK!!!) brings her up occasionally. the writers fully started pretending she didn’t exist at all.

3) LMAO STOP … honestly though the blatant misogyny here bothered me so much while watching this because it’s clear that everyone expected her to do what fiona did because she’s the girl. like ??? hello ??? not the several other grown ass people in the house refusing to step up and do their part …

4) LIAM MY LOVE HE’S LITERALLY SO ADORABLE ❤️❤️❤️ he deserves the world

5) ughhhh literally wtf

6) LMAO again the writers’ misogyny is misogynying… like debbie’s a welder, she fixes up the house, her skills lie in what she can do with her hands. expecting her to be the fiona and cook for everyone is such a disgrace to her character, fiona’s character, and everyone’s intestinal health 💀💀💀

7) DUDE YEAH !!! this sucks because debbie shouldn’t HAVE to be the fiona. they all should be working together (like they always should’ve been!) to keep the house running. debs attempting to step into her shoes is so fucking annoying on multiple levels. also ? the fact that she’s attempting to be the fiona and still doesn’t recognize how hard her sister worked (raising 5 kids not just 1, being a child herself, no support) ?!?!?! the lack of respect…

8) DUDE RIGHT??? WTF HAPPENED HE WAS A BABY LIKE 2 SECONDS AGO!!! i can never find carl attractive like yes he’s objectively a handsome boy but he’s a BABY to me, same w debbie, they’ll always be the little ones!!!

9) uncle kev and auntie v omg 🥺🥺🥺 i love them sm

10) 💀💀💀

11) frank (for once) speaks the truth 💪😔

12) THIS ANNOYED THE LIVING FUCK OUT ME like what was the reason. why was this necessary. what the fuck. and after telling everyone they had to pay up to receive FOOD??? the hypocrisy…

13) lmao

14) debbie’s red dress is so pretty but yes it’s giving putting on your big sister’s clothes and cutting it up to fit your own taste to me

15) honestly girl. you’re so right for this.

entering the battlefield and starting season 10 episode one just to remind myself how bad it is cause im bored... gonna keep updating this

1) THE INTRO REPLACED HELL NAW..... debbie could never pee as iconically as fiona did. this is some next level disrespect lets not mess with tradition.

2) THE MISSED CALL FROM FIONA IM THROWING UP.

3) debbies face 😒 SHES NOT PICKING UP THE CLOTHES AND THROWING THEM DOWN THE CHUTE AS ICONICALLY AS FIONA DID. SHE COULD NEVER.

4) LIAMMMMMMM HES SO CUTIE PATOOTIE <3

5) "anything found in the upstairs hallway can now be found in the backyard!" girl shut up fiona would never do this

6) the food that debbies making for breakfast looks nasty fionas cooking never looked this raggedy

7) "listen up people. for the last time. im not fiona" damn right shes not she could never even be half of her 😭 "ive got my own kid to raise" SHE HAD FIVE.

8) CARLS BEARD? WOAH WOAH WOAH I ALWAYS FORGET HES NOT A BABY AND HES CAPABLE OF GROWING ONE

9) UNCLE KEV AND AUNTIE V <3 AND LIAM EATING BREAKFAST WITH THEM THIS IS REAL FAMILY

10) this is so boring sorry not sorry its just regurgitated dialogue and recycled concepts...plus can fiona please come back and save us from debbie

11) "fiona. fiona. fiona, fiona, fiona, fiona.." my sentiments exactly frank. POOKIE PLEASE RETURN THE SHOW IS CRUMBLING TO PIECES

12) youre telling me fiona left half of that money for the whole family like the selfless woman she is so that she could still be caring for them in some way even when she didnt live with them and debbie busted it on this little vanity dress-up room.......

13) "victorias secret it is." trust me debbie no one wants to know your secret

14) debbie wearing a red dress.... yeah fiona did it better in season 7

15) i stopped watching halfway i couldn't bear it anymore its so flat. it was the same way in season 9 tbh but fiona made it bearable so i don't remember it as negatively as i see s10 rn 😭 also i love how all ive done is talk about her when she wasnt physically in a single scene ...she'll just always be better and relevant 🤷‍♀️

[gallavichfanficlibrary]

✨2021 Favorites✨

Hi guys :) It’s almost 2022, so we decided to repeat last year and make a list of our personal favorites (which will vary from mod to mod) that started and completed in 2021 💝 There’s no way we could include everything we loved or even liked from our favorite authors, but hopefully you find something to jump into! ❄️ (This is a long list, but blame the writers for being so talented!)

Multi chapters:

Old Rules For New Side Pieces - Ian thinks he’s got his life together -- good job, stable boyfriend -- until he meets Mickey and his life is turned upside down. 

Enemy Lines - Enemies to lovers, a social justice warrior vs a lawyer.

Someone To Hold Me Up - Canon divergent from s7 - Ian and Mickey getting back together with their lives a little bit more put together. 

Under Lock and Key - Ian and Mickey man the desk of the missing keys office together and end up falling for each other week after week. 

weaver of fate (to your will I won’t fold) - Soulmates AU. Mickey is a seer who gets paid to track down people's soulmates. Ian pays for the reading but doesn’t want to know the result.

you’ll never see us again - Ian and Mickey grow up in a boarding school without a clue about what their future holds.

The Mask of Insanity - Ian’s a detective with a complicated past with Mickey, who ends up being a suspect in a murder case he’s working. 

Mickey Milkovich’s Guide to Flirting - How Mickey Milkovich learned to stop worrying (so much) and flirt with his crush

There Are Places You Belong - Ian and Mickey adjust to the West Side and grow closer in their second year of marriage.

WIPs:

Dancing After Death - Ian moves to California and meets Mickey, a member of a motorcycle club. Friends with benefits to lovers. 

That ‘Redhead Babyface/FUCK U-UP’ Duality - AU. Ian sees Mickey in a bar and decides that he’s the perfect candidate for shooting porn together.

Intro to Quantum Dating - College AU. Friends with benefits to lovers. Ian moves to campus and meets Mickey, the RA and the weed guy of the college. 

Paragraphs - Ian has an opportunity to be a reading tutor for ex-convicts. He meets one in particular that catches his eye.

since we’re alone - College AU. Enemies to lovers. Mickey is only going to college to play hockey. When he’s at risk of losing his full ride scholarship because of his slipping grades, he gets assigned a tutor.

let the bodies do the talkin’ - Mickey’s on a quest to find a good fuck and he doesn’t think Ian could do anything for him, but boy is he wrong...

You Can Bite Me - Ian’s a vampire and is drawn to the mysterious Mickey, of course things get complicated. 

Ristretto - Coffeeshop AU. Ian works the late shift at the coffee shop with Mandy Milkovich. He might or might not have the hots for her boyfriend.

elevator music - Ian makes a terrible first impression on his neighbor Mickey, but gets to redeem himself little by little.

Apartment 4A - When the chaos of the Gallagher home gets to be too much, Ian decides to move out. He answers a roommate ad, and gets more than he bargained for.

kings of the southside - S11 canon divergent fic in which Ian and Mickey stay on the southside and take over the Alibi.

We Are Made of Star Stuff - S1 gap-filler, Ian POV. Exploration of how the boys reach the level of closeness that has Ian running to Mickey's when Monica shows up.

One shots:

Stages - Post S11. It’s nice for married couples to share interests and experiences. But they didn’t really need their dads to die one after the other like this.

Bad for Business - Magic AU. Mickey works at a magic shop and Ian happens to be a frequent customer. 

Thicker than Forget -  Fantasy AU. Ian is a poet. Mickey is his recently-corporal muse. They eat an absurd amount of stupidly named ice cream, try to find beauty in things, and fall hopelessly in love.

the moment when a memory aches - A rewrite of the HOS episode filled with feelings, angst, and growth. 

Gotta Get You Into My Life - 2x04 fill in. Where exactly was Ian when Fiona came home to find Holly Herkimer storming out of the slumber party

Sweet Lips On My Lips - 3x05 fill-in/fix-it. mickey experiences new things after kissing ian for the first time.

Nobody makes me crazy like you (ambivalent) - Post S11.Mickey puts their neighbor in her place and won’t apologize for it and Ian learns a valuable lesson about compromising.

Risks Not Worth Taking - 11x06 fill-in. Ian worries over Mickey's involvement in the Born Free robbery.

put my faith in this hole in the ground - Ian experiences his first manic episode after being married to Mickey. 

golden hour - 5 times Mickey admires Ian's freckles, +1 time Ian admires his

submission sonata - Ian and Mickey spend some time together after the Alibi serenade. 

Muse - Ian slowly, but surely working his way into interior designer Mickey’s heart. 

Old Wounds - The time between Mickey finding out Ian’s going to prison and their reunion.

What Became of the Likely Lads? - 11x06 fill-in. How did Lip ask Mickey to help him steal bikes, why did Mickey bring donuts in the morning, and other questions answered.

nothing to worry about - Ian gets jealous and they settle it in familiar ways.

lit up - Ian and Mickey spending some quality time together in their very own place. 

The Ghosts of 218 - The journey to Mickey getting ready to be a dad. 

he wants to fucking tear you apart (series) - Ian discovers reddit porn, in particular user going by u/aleksandr.

soft, sensitive - Some short, soft one-shots ranging in topics.

And just in case, here are the links to last year’s lists:

X X

Happy reading! 📖💕

[bradycore]

no because like. it’s all about sam being his true vessel. everything is about that. lucifer was in the cage for millennia and the only thing he was doing in there was waiting for his vessel. the only time he reached through the cage was to tell azazel decades in advance to find his vessel. and then sam did it, sam freed him. and the level of obsession ups even more because he still has to possess him, so it’s stalking his dreams, it’s biding time until he says yes, everything depends on sam saying yes. sam was literally made for him, in the most horrifying sense but made for him all the same. destiny and fate and you were always running toward me. sam’s whole life has been constantly shaped by him belonging to lucifer. lucifer’s actions were entirely shaped by trying to get to sam. and when they finally get there, sam taking back control and throwing them both in the cage doesn’t erase any of that? if anything, personal opinion here but also i’m right, it would make it so much worse, because they’re trapped there together, and while they weren’t technically alone, whatever role michael may have played in the cage doesn’t change that for at least a majority of the very very long time down there, lucifer was focused on sam. and sam didn’t get to be focused on anything other than lucifer. and then sam gets out, yeah, but the key part of that is he’s leaving lucifer behind. he freed lucifer from the cage and then threw him back in and then left him behind and up til then lucifer in the cage has always revolved around sam one way or another, and i don’t think that would change. sam’s existence certainly continued to revolve around lucifer in turn. they have revolved around each other in very twisted ways for a very, very long time, and that canonically doesn’t stop post s5.

all this to say, you’re telling me when lucifer and sam come face to face in s11 they’re not horrifyingly knowledgeable about each other? they don’t immediately slip into familiar patterns of conversation and familiar awful power dynamics? lucifer’s main means of control over sam is to punch him a few times, and sam gives a few weird lines about god as though lucifer doesn’t know his faith and its ruin more intimately than anyone else, and lucifer doesn’t care whether sam lives or dies? then what is it about? what has literally everything leading up to that been about?

[norahastuff]

penny for your thoughts on salmondean codependency ?

Sure. Fair warning it’s long (was longer but I stopped myself.)

I think it’s complicated in a show that’s had so many different showrunners because they’ve all handled Sam and Dean’s relationship very differently. In Kripke’s era (s1-5) there was a romanticization of the bond. Sure there was a lot of in-depth exploration of how they wound up at the place they were at, spoiler alert: it was all because of John and his obsessive crusade to find the demon that killed his wife. That’s all he cared about and as a result, Sam and Dean had to be everything to each other. But Kripke had no intention of dismantling that at any point because he was (and always had been) writing a tragedy. Gamble continued that too. There was no room for anyone else in their lives and it would always just be the two of them against the world. So Cas had to go. Bobby had to go.

(Actually, it's funny because Gamble didn't intend this at the time, her plan was to kill Cas off, but by Edlund creating the masterpiece that is The Man Who Would Be King, he not only saved Cas from being seen as a villain, but he also deepened Dean and Cas' relationship in such a profound way and inextricably linked the two of them emotionally. And since Cas was eventually brought back, that laid the foundation for a lot of what their relationship would become.)

Up until this point, there hadn’t really been any significant dismantling of perhaps the more unhealthy parts of Sam and Dean’s relationship. Enter Carver. He stripped things down and started to explore what drove these characters. What they wanted and why they couldn’t have it. It starts with Dean being mad at Sam for not looking for him in purgatory, which sets up the whole speech in the s8 finale of Sam’s guilt about letting Dean down, but the thing is, Dean was never honest with Sam about his year away either. He never told Sam he could have gotten out much sooner if he hadn’t stayed to find Cas. I mean Dean had assumed Sam was up there alone doing God knows what to try to bring him back, and yet still he stayed in Purgatory because things were clear there. He needed Cas. Anyway, I just find that interesting, but Cas isn’t a victim of Sam and Dean’s relationship in s8.

Who gets the honour of being cast aside? That would be Benny and Amelia, two characters they introduced in s8 specifically to highlight that Sam and Dean’s relationship doesn’t allow for anyone else to be a significant part of their life. I mean that’s nothing new, we’ve watched that happen many times before. Lisa even said as much to Dean. The thing is this time? It’s framed as a truly sad thing. That moment at the end of 8x10 when Dean has just ended things with Benny and Sam leaves Amelia, and they’re sitting alone drinking beer and watching tv is such a hollow empty moment. This is not what they want. But it’s the way things have to be.

I’m actually fascinated by Sam and Dean’s conversation in the church in the s8 finale. Not so much Dean’s assertion that there is no one else he would put before Sam, but more so what provokes it, which is Sam saying “who are you going to turn to instead of me. Another angel? Another vampire?” See the thing is Dean saying he would always put Sam first is not news. We know this and it’s not really an unhealthy statement in itself either. A lot of people would put their sibling above anything else, not less a sibling who you raised and is the most important person to you. But in this context? After what Sam said? It just highlights how unhealthy they are if Sam believes that Dean having other people in his life means he doesn’t love him enough. That he’s a disappointment to him. That’s so profoundly fucked up.

(Note, Dean tells Sam that he killed Benny for him but he doesn’t say anything about Cas. I think like I said before, this is because Cas and Dean’s relationship has largely existed out of the Sam and Dean stuff up to this point - Sam and Cas don’t even really have much of a relationship yet besides both of their connections to Dean.)

And then from here, things start getting steadily worse. But we also keep being shown how bad they are. Dean lying to Sam, taking away his free will by letting Gadreel possess him. Dean sending Cas away, Kevin dying. It’s all awful. The whole “there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you line” from 9x01 isn’t really said by Dean, it’s Gadreel, but that is how Dean feels. He does think that’s all he’s good for. And over the season we’re shown how much of himself and what he truly wants he’s had to give up because of his ingrained “Save Sammy” and “Sammy comes first” mentality. It’s always been this way for him. In 9x07 we see that he had found a happy home, a good father figure, and his first love, a first love might I add that he had to leave behind with no real explanation because Sam needed him, and Sam comes first.

I mean just one episode earlier we had him rushing out the door elated about seeing Cas and spending time with him, only for their time together to come to sad and melancholic end when Dean once again leaves Cas behind without any real explanation, because despite what he wants Sammy comes first. What he wants doesn’t matter.

See I think after the Gadreel stuff comes out is where the narrative starts to get a little wonky for me. You can clearly see that this was intended to be a shorter story that they ended up stretching out to a much longer one because of renewals. There’s also the fact that this is a formula show so they can’t necessarily be separated for longer than an episode or two. S10 is a rough one to get through at times, I think the themes still mostly hold up but it’s a rough one to get through.

S10 highlights all the connections that Dean has, Cas, Charlie, Crowley even, but Sam doesn’t really have those bonds in the same way.  For Sam it’s just Dean, so he goes down a reckless destructive “do anything to save Dean!” path and so many innocents pay the price, and ultimately with the release of The Darkness, the whole world.

They skirted right up to the edge of exploring just how toxic and dangerous their relationship had become in the season 10 finale.

DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A..a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world.

I can’t say evil is the right word, they were never evil, but they were wilfully blind to everything and everyone else when it came to saving each other. S10 tested my love for the show because after watching it, because there was certainly a feeling that the two of them had become the villains of this story. And don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a problem with that, it’s just after 2 seasons of this I can’t say I had a lot of faith that this was going to be properly addressed or if we were going to keep going in circles around it. Keep being shown, it’s bad and then nothing much being done to fix it. Your mileage may vary on how it was handled, but I think s11 did a relatively ok job considering it wasn’t the end of the story, and the show needed to keep going.

See from Dean’s side a lot of the codependency rests on 1. His father’s orders to always save Sammy 2. His low self-esteem where he sees himself as nothing but a blunt instrument. 3. His guilt at not being able to perfectly fulfil every familial role in Sam’s life 4. His belief that no one could choose to love him but family has to love you. 5. The unhealthy example of what it should look like to love someone that he got from John. You give up everything but them.

For Sam (and honestly it’s not as clear for me as Dean’s side is so feel free to correct me/disagree on this) 1. Everytime he’s tried to leave and create his own life it’s never ended well. 2. His guilt over wanting freedom and a normal life when he was younger (I’m referring specifically to Stanford era here) 3. His guilt over everything Dean has given up for him. 4. John. 5. Jess.

Ultimately it all comes down to isolation. They both had to be everything to each other, and the deeper they got into this fight, the more people that they lost, the tighter they clung to this notion of family and brothers. I think s11 (and 11x23 in particular) was an important turning point, both for Sam and Dean’s relationship, as well as for them as individuals. Because they weren’t alone there anymore. Cas was there. Sam let Dean walk to his death. Of course, it would devastate him, but he knew it was what had to be done. And he didn’t walk out of that bar and go back to the bunker alone. He had Cas, he had someone who cared about him and wanted to help him and talk to him. Sure Dean asked Cas to take care of Sam for him (you know after Cas offered to walk to his death with him) but Sam let him. He let him be there for him. We didn’t get to see much before the BMOL showed up and blasted Cas away, but still, we saw enough.

I think that’s a significant difference to note why their relationship was different in the Dabb era. It wasn’t just them anymore. Cas was an important member of their family and given a level of importance he’d never been given before and couldn’t have been when the story they were telling was of the dangers of their codependency. Mary was back. Eventually, Jack would become a part of their unit too. Just the two of them wasn’t enough for them anymore. This is made abundantly clear with all of Dean’s desperate attempts to get Cas to stay in s12, followed by his inability to keep going when they lose Cas and Mary in s13. Similarly, Sam really struggles when they lose Jack and fail to get Mary back later in the season.

Another big moment is Dean letting Sam go alone to lead the hunters against the BMOL in 12x22 while he stays back to try and reach Mary. Like he tells Mary, he’s had to be a brother, a father and a mother to Sam and he never stopped seeing him as his kid, but in that moment he makes a choice. He lets Sam take charge and he shows that he trusts him and believes in him. He knows he can handle it.

Sometimes it’s not even a character growth thing. Sometimes having other people there stops you from making destructive choices even though that’s still your first instinct. I’m thinking specifically of 13x21 after Sam was killed. Dean would have run headlong into that nest of vampires and got himself torn apart, but Cas was there to stop him. He was able to make him see reason.

Basically, I think that for a long time, they thought the only relationship they could have was each other, which then became a self-fulfilling prophecy because their desperate attempts to keep each other around led to them losing the people around them. They eventually started to learn that that wasn’t true, they could have more, they were allowed to want more, and that it wasn’t an either-or situation. Dean didn’t have to choose between Sam and Cas. They didn’t have to choose between each other or Jack. The same goes for Mary. Different relationships can coexist without threatening each other, and not say that their relationship in s12-15 was all smooth sailing, but it was certainly so very different from everything that came before.

(There’s maybe a point to be made about how they didn’t have anyone or anything in the finale and how that relates to the story we got, but honestly I have no idea what the intention was with any of the choices made in that episode so I’ll leave it at that for now.)

[gallavichthings]

Writer’s Spotlight - ElizaPembroke

This time I chatted with the lovely ElizaPembroke aka @abundanceofnots​, author of Must Have Been A Good Dream, The Ghosts of 218, and the Scenes from a Marriage series, among others,saw a cute kitty and found someone with a really cool job!

GT: Why "abundanceofnots: "?

E: Oof. I wish I had a good answer for that! But from what I recall, the lockdown happened and I somehow found my way back to Tumblr. I started watching Shameless and wanted to become more active in the fandom, but I had to get rid of my old URL first. I think I tried some more general-sounding nicknames, but everything I came up with was already taken, so I kept thinking, okay, not that, not that, not that. I think abundance of nots was originally just the sound of my frustration, but it stuck with me until today.

GT: Hahahaha, I love that. And I actually love your username. So you rejoined Tumblr because of Shameless? And how did you discover Shameless?

E: Ah, you're very kind. No, I'd be lying if I said I rejoined just for Shameless. I kept popping back once and again over the years when I saw a movie or a TV series that I liked--and I liked Shameless A LOT. But then the people here made me want to do more than just reblog stuff and keep to myself. The lurker mode was off, so to say.

I think I saw what must've been a TVLine article or something of the sort about these two fictional guys who I'd never heard of before having this grand ol' reunion in prison. I remember thinking: Pfft, good for them, I guess. And then, months later, I was on a work trip abroad, all alone and bored one night, and YouTube casually slid the Ian and Mickey scenes compilation into my recommendations. So, obviously, I watched most of it on that trip. Once I was hooked, I couldn’t stop. But I haven’t actually started properly watching the show until the pandemic, which came a year after that, I think. Someone’s probably going to want to punch me for that, but I kept up with S10 solely through Ian and Mickey gifs.

GT: Good job, YouTube algorithm! So you haven't properly watched the episodes? Not even their scenes?

E: No, I have! I binged the whole show before S11 premiered. An app told me it was going to take me five days to finish and I thought a national lockdown was as good a time as any to finally dive in.

But originally, when S10 was airing, I just stalked the Shameless tag here on Tumblr.

GT: Ah, I see! What about the rest of the show, did you watch all of it, even the sans-Mickey seasons?

E: Oh yes. I'm a pathological... I don't even know what to call myself. An anti-quitter? A stickler for finishing? Even if I don’t particularly like something, once I start it, I’m finishing it, too. I know I didn't really make it sound like it, but I actually really enjoyed even the non Ian and Mickey parts of the show! Once I started properly watching it, that is, of course.

GT: Who are your favorite characters aside from them?

E: I definitely had some clear favourites in the first few seasons of the show, and those were Fiona and Sheila. But in later seasons, I think I reached a point where the whole main cast felt like my own flesh and blood. Not Frank, though 😅

GT: Lmao Do you write about them as well or only Ian and Mickey?

E: I think I've never even considered writing about Sheila, to be honest! But now that I do, I'm kind of intrigued.  I would say my writing is 85% Ian and Mickey, with Lip and Mandy being the most common side characters. Strangely, I don't write Fiona too often, because I feel like I don't really have her voice under my skin just yet.

GT: What about OCs, do you include them? If so, do you base them on people you know?

E: I rarely do. In fact, if I can help it, I won't include OCs, just by preference. I'd much rather bend canon characters to fit the role I need them to fit (while still trying to make them feel in character) than come up with an original character of my own.

The only recurring OC in my writing is probably post-canon Ian and Mickey's daughter who I nicknamed Toe because she has red hair and looks like a tomato. But she only shows up here and there in some ficlets and has barely any personality, so she's an idea of a child more than anything else. 

GT: Do you have a preference for writing Ian or Mickey?

E: Well, writing from Mickey's POV is always such a delicious treat because you can go fully rogue with the language. And for a non-native English speaker like myself, it can sometimes feel like a proper exercise in how many pop-culture references you can come up with and how much you can have fun with your limited vocabulary.

That being said, eight cases out of ten, I end up writing from Ian's POV anyway, because it can sometimes give the story a necessary touch of an enigma to not show all of Mick's cards right off the bat. (Even though we all know by now.)

GT: What's your first language? Do you speak any others aside from English?

E: Ha, I don't know why but my first instinct was to do an Oscar Isaac and say "the language of love." No, the completely serious answer is: my first language is Czech, and like most Europeans, I can understand bits and pieces of different languages, but I can't actually speak any of them to save my life.

GT: Do you read or write fanfiction in Czech as well?

E: Not anymore, but it's how I started all those years ago. Today, I think I'd be a little freaked out if I'd seen a Shameless fanfic in Czech. I think my brain wouldn't know how to comprehend it. It puts things in these little neat boxes for me, and Shameless and its language is in the English box. I don't know if I even have the right Czech vocabulary for Shameless.

GT: I totally understand it, English isn't my first language either and I agree. I think it's because I only watched it IN English, I can't even "hear their voices" in another language. I assume Shameless wasn't  your first contact with fanfiction then, from what you just said.

E: Yeah, exactly!

No, Shameless is far from my first contact with fanfiction, but it is definitely the biggest yet. I used to read and write Harry Potter fanfiction when I was a teen, who frankly knew very little about the world (and, let's be honest here, sex)--and it showed. But I would never take that experience back--both for the feeling of community and because it started my lifelong love of writing.

It sometimes amuses me to think about the fact that I was a kid who read these hugely popular books and liked them enough to want to string words together on my own, so much so that when the school's career counselor asked me what I liked doing in my leisure, I said writing and they suggested I pursue journalism--and now here I am, a journalist, getting paid to write things! It's not in the same ballpark as creative writing per se, but it's still a little mind-boggling.

GT: It is pretty amazing how our hobbies can have such a great influence on our lives as a whole!

So you're a journalist, that's great! Tell us a bit more about you, please.

E: There's not a lot more to say, really. A big part of my job (right after being very cynical about the state of the world) is writing about films and TV shows, so most of my days are spent inside cinemas or parked in front of my laptop screen. There's not that much to me other than that--apart from my ginger cat, who's my child and the best nap partner.

GT: Sounds like a dream job, go be honest. Also, you can't just mention a ginger cat and not accompany that with a picture of said cat.

E: Haha, it is on paper! No, I really don't want to start complaining here, so let's just say it is a pretty great job.

Oh, my bad! Wait, let me find a nice picture of her in my ever-growing collection 😅

GT: She's adorable. What's her name?

And yeah, no job is perfect, of course, but that sounds like a good one in general.

E: She's very distracting with her cuteness and general tomfoolery. Her name's Zizi--which doesn't mean anything in Czech, for those wondering. It's just a silly way of saying "zrzi" as in "zrzavá" as in "ginger".

GT: Zizi! Ok, side note, that was my childhood nickname. 😅

E: Oh my God, it was? 😲😅 I love that! What are the chances?

GT:  Where do you take your ideas for fics from?

E: Well, that depends. Sometimes an idea just pops into my head; other times, the story can stem from a random piece of dialogue or a scenario that just won't leave my mind alone.

To make this sound more specific: Palm Springs, my first multichapter fic, came directly from watching the movie and thinking, ooh, this would work so well with Ian and Mickey. After that, the Scenes from a Marriage series centered more around themes that I wanted to examine with them. On the other hand, Undead Agents of Chaos, this sort of a retelling of their canon storyline, comes all down to this one small scene and one small change to their relationship. And now my new fic--which I promise (I'm saying this mostly to put more pressure on myself) I'm working on--is simply the end result of that tropes mash-up thingy that was going around Tumblr at the end of the year. I just completely fell in love with it. Fortunately, some other people showed their enthusiasm for the (possible) story, which is always really encouraging.

GT: And what motivates you to write?

E: That's an interesting question! Well, getting to hear from people that they'd like to read more, as I've just mentioned, is a big, big motivator, certainly. But that stuff comes after. For me, I think it's genuinely just this internal, overwhelming need to get the words out. I haven't really found another way to put my mind at rest yet.

GT: What kind of comments are your favorite to get?

E: Those that have words or just a series of emojis in them! I appreciate the hell out of anyone who takes the time out of their day to leave a comment under something I wrote. I always do a little shoulder shimmy when I get the email notification. Can't say I'm the biggest fan of negative comments, but when they're reasonable, I value them just as much as the positive ones. At the end of the day, we're all just trying to have a pleasant time on the interwebs. I don't want to hurt anyone unintentionally.

GT: Which of your fics are you most proud of?

E: I'm proud of them all, because not too long ago, I was dead certain I'd never be able to write anything coherent in English. (But all sentimentality aside, it's usually the most recent thing that I wrote. And since Undead Agents are also the longest thing I ever wrote, I think it's safe to say right now, it's them.)

GT: What are your favorite tropes to read and write?

E: Ah, enemies to lovers, my absolute beloved. It just works so well with Ian and Mickey. Also, any kind of movie or TV show AUs I will devour and worship till the end of my days (only a slight exaggeration). But I guess my favourite to write is a simple canon-compliant slice of life, domestic kind of a situation.

GT: Are there any tropes/styles that you've never written about, but that'd you'd like to experiment with one day?

E: Hmm, I think I'd like to try writing something that would require a little bit more world building for once. I do lean on canon A LOT and maybe it's time for me to step out of my comfort zone.

GT: How much research do you do when writing?

E: I'd say unnecessarily too much, but it's a professional deformation on my part. I love researching stuff to the point I feel comfortable talking about them at great length, and I hate being underprepared for something. Googling is literally one of my favourite pastimes.

GT: What kind of fics do you write the most?

E: Ficlets and one-shots that are pretty dialogue-heavy and bantery.

GT: Do you plan ahead or just write what's on your mind at the time?

E: With short fics, I usually just sit down and let the words spill out into the Word document. But when it comes to multichapter fics, I am a proper planner (read nutter). I use my notes app and notebook to jot down random ideas and then have an outline of scenes that I go through when I'm writing a chapter. I can't really start writing without that. (And I also like crossing out stuff from a list or checking boxes, so there's a lot of that involved, too.)

GT: What's the most difficult thing about writing them?

E: Definitely keeping them both in character. You know, finding the right balance of roughness and sweetness and charm and humour. And then trying the honour the way they love each other, because they both show it differently. So basically, the hardest part for me is keeping them human, I guess.

GT: And what's the best thing about it?

E: In a weird way, exactly the same thing. They're both really complex, beautiful characters and I have so much fun bringing them alive again and again.

GT: Time for recommendations! Tell us some of your favorite fics and authors in this fandom.

E: Oh God, that is such a big and unfair question, because the talent and creativity in this fandom is insane! Everyone here deserves a piece of love and I'm generally pretty shit at showing it, but I'm trying to get better at it every day, so I'll give it my best shot.

Obviously, there are the classics. And for me, what stands out the most are the book and movie AU series by @loftec (love me a good movie AU, as I've mentioned before) and the trope collection (Trope Me, Baby, One More Time) by Whatsastory. But then there are the ever-growing numbers of the newer kids on the block, so to say, and they're all extraordinary. I (almost) literally drop whatever I'm doing whenever I see something new (short or long) from writers like Ravenheart (@sunoficarus), melwritesthings, howlinchickhowl, and gallavichsecurity. This is not in any way a complete list of my favourites, though.

GT: Ah, yes, Loftec's stories! White Swallow lives in my head rent free.

E: Same here. When I was rewatching Matrix before the last one came out, all I could think about was this fic. It's that good!

GT: Finally, what's next for you? Any fics planned?

E: I have one multichapter fic that's been over a couple of months in the making. It's still very much not ready for the world to see and I haven't really had the time or been in the right headspace lately to properly work on it, but I'm excited about it and I hope it will see the light of day soon.

GT: Thank you for sharing about yourself and your fics with us! Any last words?

E: The pleasure's all mine, thank you for having me! And I guess that's also my message to anyone who stuck around and kept reading all the way here: thank you for being such a welcoming, creative bunch. I'm not in any way exaggerating when I say that you've played a massive part in helping me get through the last few years. In the words of Stephen Fry, I've enjoyed (and will, hopefully, keep on enjoying) being fabulous with you!