#and it can feel pretty intense and difficult in the moment sometimes

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

Why did Gary growl and cover Efnisien's face/mouth when he said the safeword? Was he angry and trying to stop Efnisien from saying it so he could continue? If yes how did he manage to pull himself back from the brink of doing something unforgivable?

I think Gary was so uncoordinated in that moment, he wasn't thinking 'I need to shut you up' but there was definitely an instinct of: 'How dare someone tell me to stop.'

There was a visceral war with himself when he growls vs. when he places his hand on Efnisien's face, almost like he's trying to feel his breathing and his voice. It's a very quick motion, and while Efnisien assumes it's to shut him up, I actually think Gary was literally very out of it in that moment and was kind of bracing himself to even understand what happened.

Like, this is a guy who didn't respond to a lot of basic language and sentences for three days, or when he did, mostly could only do so in basic sentences or even single words. So while the peak alpha grokked the 'how dare you' pause, I think it was like a 'wait is an alpha trying to stop me from taking what is mine' level of confusion. He places his hands on Efnisien's face, almost like he's trying to find where the words came from, in my mind. Like someone who is blind who is trying to find a fan switch in a new place. They don't quite know where it is, but they know it's important in hot weather.

He then does hear more of Efnisien's voice (in the form of a distressed shriek) and immediately stops.

I really don't think this is as clean as 'he was fully aware, heard something he didn't want to hear, and made a choice to make sure Efnisien couldn't safeword again.' I don't even think he knew at the time what he heard, or how to understand it, only that he heard it and that he had to stop.

If yes how did he manage to pull himself back from the brink of doing something unforgivable?

Tbh Gary has the safeword to literally stop himself from doing the unforgiveable. And he does it with an immense amount of willpower that almost no human will ever really comprehend. Dude was barely even conscious at the time. Just like Efnisien spent many hours in a heavily dissociated receptive headspace, Gary does the same but from a more dominating peak alpha side. Literally just ruled by hormones in a very primitive way.

I'd say he's one of the only peak alphas in the world who can actually listen to a safeword at all in that state. I don't even think Temsen could.

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 34: The Whole Truth

Summary: In life, we will be confronted with difficult choices. Sometimes you won't know you've made the wrong choice until it's too late

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Word Count: 12,900 words

Warnings: Dead dove: do not eat, Angst, graphic violence and torture, mentions of predatory behavior towards a minor, Phillip Graves is a major creep, lots blood and injuries, kidnapping and its aftermath, hostage situations, anxiety and panic attacks, language, very explicitly described torture, ‘mega gets hit a lot, choking, biting, ‘mega gets stabbed with an ice pick, author can’t write COD missions, vomiting, lots of heavy emotions, detailed descriptions of pain, guns, background character dies on screen, descriptions of guilt and grief, lots of POV changes, some descriptive language of gore and blood at the end, rehashing of ‘mega’s injuries from the last chapter, a lot of angst and very heavy content, Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe

A/N: This chapter deals with some pretty heavy content. Please, please, please read and heed the warnings. I have included content warnings for the more graphic parts before they happen, so if you don't want to read those, you can skip ahead to the next part. I suggest taking breaks if you need to, read it in installments if necessary. And I cannot stress it enough, please heed the warnings.

11/30/24 **This chapter has been edited and rewritten from its original version**

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“Hi darlin’.” His grin widens like he’s happy to see you. “Been a long time.” 

You squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, your brain still sluggish. You feel sick as you try to process, try to figure out why and how. You try to move your arms again, but your wrists are stuck, hands burning as you pull. You desperately want them free, desperately need them free. 

“Easy,” Phil says, putting his hands on yours, pushing them flat against the arms of the chair. They’re warm and calloused, the same hand that had been on your face a few moments ago. “You’re gonna hurt yourself. More than you already have been.” He lifts your left leg, making you groan quietly as a deep ache throbs down to your foot and up to your hip. 

Running. A gunshot. Pain.

“He had strict orders not to harm you.” Phil says, adjusting the bandage wrapped around your calf. “Don’t worry. We got you all fixed up.” He sets your leg back down gingerly, his touch lingering for a moment before he looks back up at you. 

���Why?” You croak out, trying to make sense of what happened. 

Corporal McKinney broke into the barracks and chased you into the woods. He shot you and drugged you and now you’re here, restrained in a chair staring at a man you haven’t seen for years. A man who was once your dad’s best friend. 

“A lot has happened since we saw each other last.” He says, pushing himself to stand. “I left the Marines after a few years, formed my own group of military contractors. Invited your dad to join, but you know how he is. All honor and duty and serving the country. Of course, you haven’t seen him in quite a while, have you?” 

You stare up at him, starting to get scared. You never liked Phil. There was always something about him that put you off. He always stared too long, always sat too close to you. He always greeted you with a hug that lasted too long, squeezing you too tightly against him. He was sweet on you in a way he wasn’t with anyone else. He could be intense, brash and almost downright rude sometimes. He was a firm believer in traditional packs too, even if he never spoke about his own pack, his own omega. He had to have one, if he was as dedicated as he said. 

He was far too much like your father. 

Phil was always kinder to you, though. Softer. Not quite as callous and bellicose as your father in public. He was polite, always happy to lend a hand, always glad to roughhouse with your brothers to get their energy out. You saw the way your mother looked at him though. Perhaps her apprehension bled into you, those dormant omega instincts picking up on something she was projecting. 

He made you uncomfortable, and she knew it. 

What could an omega do, though, in a world where they don’t have opinions, they can’t argue, they can’t disagree. Your mother never said anything because in the world your family existed in, the world Phil existed in, she couldn’t. 

“He was so angry when he called.” Phil continues, staring down at you. “Ranting and raving about how his oldest daughter betrayed him by presenting as an omega. He couldn’t stand having such a useless child in his perfect pack.” You flinch at his words, even though you heard your father spew those very words after your presentation firsthand. 

“He called you?” You ask, the pieces starting to come together as your brain finally snaps fully into awareness. You knew he called someone, but you hadn’t thought it would ever be Phil. 

“Of course.” Phil chuckles. “We were good friends, pals, buddies. He knew I could help him.” A shiver runs down your spine. You know what he’s going to say next. “So I did. I have some contacts in some high places, people who owe me favors. So I made some calls, pulled some strings, got you into FIOT immediately, with some strings attached of course.” He leans down so you’re almost face to face. “I wanted you. They put a note in your file. You wouldn’t be placed in the registry when you were old enough, you would go to me and my pack.” 

Bile churns in your stomach as you process his words. It all makes sense now. The stares, the hugs, the closeness with your father, your rapid enrollment in an institute that can take weeks to process applications. It was all so you could be his. Something he’s wanted from early on. 

“You would have been mine,” He pushes himself up straight again, starting to pace back and forth in front of you. “If the fucking CIA hadn’t gotten involved!” You flinch as his voice raises, the frustration starting to darken his scent. “They froze your file, made the claim null and void. All for what, their little initiative that never really existed in the first place?” He huffs out a laugh, a smirk tilting his lips. “Small world, though. Who knew we’d be seeing each other again after so long.” 

He steps closer, looking down at you. You hold his gaze, suddenly feeling afraid. Even though you know him, even though you spent a good part of your childhood around him, you’re afraid of him right now. Your mind starts to revert back, the urge to lower your eyes, break eye contact like you’re supposed to flashing through your mind. 

Don’t stare alphas in the eyes. They’ll take that as a challenge. It’s not your job to challenge them. Your job is to be subservient. 

You would have been subservient to him if the CIA hadn’t gotten involved. You would have been under his control, bowing to him and his will. You’d have pups by now, at least one. He’d always talked about having a big pack with lots of pups someday, always glancing at you when he said it. 

You’re going to vomit all over him. 

It’s not just the truth that scares you, though. You’re being held captive here. That thought has registered in your mind now, the reality settling in as you get over the shock of the last few minutes. Corporal McKinney kidnapped you from base, and now you’re restrained in a chair surrounded by unknown alphas. Phil isn’t going to help you, take pity on you. He’s not here to be nice, to have a little chat and catch up on life.

That possibly ended as soon as he was denied what he wanted. 

His hand cups your chin, holding your face up as he looks down at you. His thumb is rough as it strokes your jaw, a tickling feeling starting in the back of your mind again. There’s an almost bittersweet look in his eyes as he holds your gaze. You refuse to lower it, refuse to give him that satisfaction. “You’ve grown up a lot.” He says, his hand sliding down your neck to the collar of your shirt. “You always were cute, though. I knew early on you were going to be an omega. You were far too...calm and compliant compared to your brothers. Always so polite and eager to please. You can tell if you pay attention, you know. Those dormant instincts start to show themselves long before presentation.” 

His hand pulls your collar to the side, revealing your mark. His eyes harden as he stares at it, his lips turning down into a frown. A shiver runs down your spine as the darkness in his scent intensifies. He’s not holding you hostage just to tell you about what could have been, what direction your life might have taken. He’s here for a reason, and you know your pack is involved. Something has happened, something behind the scenes, something John was looking into. 

“What’s going on?” You ask as he releases your collar, taking a step back. 

“Well, you’re being held hostage.” He says, like it isn’t already obvious. “You’re...shall we say...leverage to ensure your pack follows orders.” 

You blink at him. You haven’t heard from or spoken to your pack in weeks. You should be relieved that they’re apparently still alive, but what if you had been right and they don’t want you anymore? Why would they take you if your pack has abandoned you? Or did they take you to ensure they wouldn’t...

“Laswell stuck her nose somewhere it shouldn’t have been.” Phil says, crossing his arms. “It’s only so long before your pack finds out. Let’s just say...they’re not going to be happy about it. So, to ensure they don’t do something impulsive and reckless as they are known to do, you’re going to play hostage.” 

You gulp as you stare up at him, suddenly feeling very afraid. Your scent spikes in the air, clouding it with the bitter scent of anxiety. It was the plan all along. You knew it even if you hadn’t been told outright. Deep down you’ve always known it wasn’t about strengthening packs. It wasn’t about studying how an omega would increase or decrease the efficiency of military packs. With the events of the last few months, the idea had started to form in your mind. You know you weren’t alone in those thoughts. John and Simon were digging into the cameras for a reason. They were put up for a reason. 

It was always about control.

That was the point of the initiative. That was why they put cameras up, that was why General Shepherd was so invested in the state of your pack and if you had been mated. He needed to ensure you were close enough to them so if something happened that wasn’t supposed to, you could be used against them. 

You’re nothing more than leverage. 

Your scent spikes in the air, clouding the room as reality sinks into you. Something happened that caused this. Something called your pack away to isolate you, to leave you vulnerable. They wanted you alone as a contingency. 

Something did happen. 

Now you’re here, being held captive by a man you used to know, a man who could have been your alpha had things not played out the way they did. The thought has your stomach churning. How far will they go? How far will Phil take things? Could he be merciful because of your history? Or will his ruined plan make him more ruthless? 

You’ll be punished for something you can’t control. 

Phil makes a soft sound as he looks at you, shaking with fear in the chair. “Don’t be scared. As long as your pack does as they’re told, I won’t have to hurt you.” He turns the light back to face you, nearly blinding you. “Now, smile for the camera.” 

They’re safe. 

It had been close. A rough position to be in, but they managed it. He never doubted them and their abilities, but four against nearly fifty with no backup were not good odds. He’s been in tighter places before, and while he had his doubts, he is grateful Johnny and Simon were sent in when they were. Even if it was a bit suspicious.

“All accounted for.” John says as he sinks down onto one of the jump seats next to Kyle. 

They’re all battered and bruised from their final fight. He’s ready to get home, ready to get back to you. From the sound of it, things were not going well, according to Johnny and Simon. He has a lot to make up for, a lot of apologies to make. 

“Fucking Russian PMCs.” He says, speaking to Kate over the comms. “It’s not a coincidence Kate.” 

Kate lets out a sigh that crackles through the comm. “No, it’s not. My team and I came across some information while we were digging into the cameras.” 

“What information?” He asks slowly and carefully. He doesn’t like being kept in the dark, especially when it comes to his pack. Especially when it comes to you. 

“Not just information on the initiative, but information on General Shepherd.” 

“What information?” He asks again, slower this time as Johnny and Simon move in closer. 

“Shepherd was the one that sold those weapons to AQ and the Russians.” 

John looks at the other three members of his team. He knew something was wrong, something was off about the way Shepherd had acted while informing them about this mission. “He wanted those missiles found and destroyed so he could cover his own ass.” He says, his stomach starting to twist. He doesn’t like the way this is going. 

“But we found out the truth before you could find all the missiles.” Kate continues. “He sent you on a wild goose chase to give himself a chance to escape.” 

John’s hand tightens into a fist. “Where is he now?” 

“He’s gone dark. Totally off radar.” 

John pushes himself up to stand, the adrenaline pumping again. “I’m going to find that bastard-” 

“John.” Kate says, cutting him off. “There’s something else.” 

The twisting in his stomach intensifies. There’s a bad feeling tickling in the back of his mind. He doesn’t want to entertain the dark thoughts that are brewing. “What?” 

“They took your omega.” 

His stomach clenches, his breath catching in his lungs. The other three shift on their feet, all of them stepping closer. The scent in the plane thickens, anger and confusion mixing into a toxic cocktail. He hopes he heard that wrong, that there was some kind of interference in the connection and his brain made up the words he missed. “Repeat that.” 

“They took your omega.” Kate says again.

He lets out a long breath, his muscles tensing. He’s had a bad feeling tickling in the back of his mind for the last few days. Something was wrong, something was off. He should have known it was all a ruse. Why would AQ and the Russians store a missile in any of the places they had been sent to in the last week? It hadn’t made sense, and he had wanted to voice his doubts, but the consequences of a missile being launched because they decided not to look in one place was greater than his own perceived doubts. 

They had been right though. 

Of course it had all been a plan. Of course there had been something fishy about it. He’s hardly ever wrong. He’s been praised on his instincts on the field and off. He should have known. Pulling Simon and Johnny when they did should have been enough evidence, even if they had been needed in the end. 

“You’re positive?” He knows she is. There’s no mistaking something like that, there’s no doubting it. 

“There’s a video.” Kate says, John’s stomach dropping. “I’m sending it to you now.” 

John pulls out his phone, his fingers white as he holds it up. He’s angry, beyond angry. If they’ve laid a hand on you...if you’ve been hurt because of his own failings, his own inability to see the truth...

He clicks on the video when it comes in, a familiar face popping up on screen. “Hi boys. Been a while.” 

“Fucking Graves.” Johnny growls, his hands closing into fists in anger. 

“I have a little something of yours I think you might be interested in.” He turns the camera around, your face popping up on screen. You’re restrained in a chair, wrists red from the zip ties, but there’s a glare on your face, looking as mean and threatening as you can. There’s a bruise on your cheek and what looks like a healing cut on your lip. Someone hit you. 

“Smile for the camera.” Graves says, a bit too cheerfully. 

You don’t smile, your glare sharpening as the camera gets closer to your face. There’s still fight left in you. Whatever has happened hasn’t been too bad. Yet. 

“Let’s make this simple.” Graves says. “You stay away from Shepherd, and I won’t have to hurt this pretty little face. She is pretty, isn’t she?” 

You shift in the chair, your leg lifting before you kick outward. 

“Ow, you little bitch.” The camera jostles for a moment before it’s straightened back up, a hand shooting out to wrap around your throat. There’s no sign of any struggle, the glare still prominent on your face. “Feisty thing. Gotta keep up with those wild boys somehow.” 

The hand tilts your face just slightly, showing the mark on your neck. It is you, not that John doubted that from the beginning. It may have been almost two months, but he wouldn’t forget your face that easily. 

“Like I said,” Graves continues. “Follow your orders and she’ll be released unharmed.” 

The screen goes dark and John resists the urge to throw his phone. He shoves it back into his pocket, turning towards the wall of the plane. He throws his fist against the metal as hard as he can. It hurts, but he can barely feel it over the rage burning hot in him. 

“Fucking Shepherd!” He shouts, rearing back to throw his hand against the wall again.

Graves has his omega. Graves has his omega and now you’re being used as leverage. They’re all being played like puppets. 

A hand catches his fist before he can punch the wall again, easing him back. “Easy.” Kyle says, trying to soothe him as best he can. “We have proof of life, we know that she’s alright for now.” 

“For now.” He growls, looking around at the members of his team. “But for how long?” 

“They knew we’d go after Shepherd as soon as we learned the truth.” Simon says. “This has been in the plans for a long time.”

“They’re trying to get us to make a choice. Focus on getting our omega back while letting Shepherd escape, or go after Shepherd and let our omega be tortured.” Kyle says. 

“Those fuckin’ wankstains.” Johnny says, shifting on his feet. He’s angry, the bitter scent filling the enclosed area of the plane. They’re all angry, angry at those responsible, and angry at themselves for falling for it. “They were usin’ us the whole time.” 

John lets out a long breath. He needs a clear head going forward. He needs to be able to beat them at their own game and cause the least amount of damage to you as possible. As much as going after Shepherd first is tempting, cut the head off the snake and end things before they get too far, he knows that won’t stop Graves. He’ll continue even after Shepherd is dead. 

There might even be a second contingency. They kill Shepherd, you die too. 

“John, we can’t leave her.” Kyle says, still holding his hand. His fingers are wrapped tight around his wrist, trying to ground him as best as he can in this tumultuous moment. 

“The longer we wait, the worse things will get.” Simon says. “We go after Shepherd, we may never see her again.” 

There won’t be anything to come back to. 

He stares at his pack, all standing there, staring at him, waiting for him to make his decision. He’s their Captain, he’s their alpha. It is his decision in the end. He’s the one that they will follow, even if he makes the wrong decision. Even if he tears them apart in the end. 

“Where is she?” John growls, into his comms. 

“We’re working on decrypting the video now.” Kate replies.

“I need a location, Kate.” John says impatiently, heading towards the cockpit. For all he knows those flying the plane are in on it too. 

 “We’re doing the best we can with what we’ve got. You’ll be the first to know as soon as we find something.” Kate tried to placate him. 

“I better be.” He growls. 

Kate lets out a sigh as the comms close off. It’s not a captain she’s speaking to anymore, it’s an angry alpha. His pack, his omega is being threatened and now they all have to face the ramifications of it. She’s just as much a cog in this machine. She fell for this, she brought you into this, and now you might get hurt because of it. How she didn’t see the reality has shame burning through her. They were all blind, all led astray, all fooled by the red herring. 

There was never an initiative. It was never about strengthening packs. It was always about control. They wanted a way to control packs. Shepherd knew if the secret ever came out, there would be no stopping the consequences. Legal or illegal, retribution would come for him if the truth was revealed. 

This was his way of stopping it. 

That's why the 141 were the guinea pigs. 

They are the most dangerous threat to Shepherd, and he handed them a way to control them under the guise of strengthening packs, experimenting on how their dynamics and efficiency would shift with an omega added in. Even worse, they all fell for it. 

Time is of the essence now. Graves won’t stop, even as word reaches Shepherd that they’re easing off of him. Her only hope is that Graves won’t kill you. That will give them nothing to live for, and it will make them more ruthless than they already are. They’ll go after Graves, and then they’ll turn their eyes to Shepherd. 

No matter what you’ll always be a way to control them. 

If she can find Graves, she can send out a team to get eyes on his location. That way, they’ll have a direction she can point them in, and they won’t be going in blindly. This is a delicate situation, and she can’t trust Graves to uphold his end of the deal in this. They’re not going after Shepherd, but will that stop Graves from hurting you just because he can? 

There’s more to this than they’re letting on. She knows it, deep down. There’s something else, something even deeper below the surface. 

She’s got a lot of work to do. 

They’re going to need help. 

Christine can’t sit still anymore. She can't take it. It’s been almost eighteen hours since your disappearance and there’s been nothing. No word, no news. She knows you’re alive. Kate had confirmed that, but that hasn’t eased the burning questions eating away at her mind. What is your current state? Who took you and why? Where is your pack and are they even aware of what’s happening? 

She’s been sitting and twirling her thumbs. She can’t bring herself to do any paperwork, any research. What is there to do besides sit and worry? She doesn’t have a patient to take care of because she lost the one she was supposed to watch. 

She huffs out a breath, pulling her phone out of her pocket and dialing Kate. If Kate won’t call, she’ll call herself. Kate’s probably busy though, so Christine can’t blame her too much for not calling. She’s probably so far from the front of Kate’s mind right now. 

The phone rings twice before Kate answers, sounding tired and disheveled, just as much as Christine feels. 

“Laswell.”

“Kate, I need to be there.” She doesn't hold back, doesn’t try to make small talk. There’s no time for it. She knows how Kate is doing, and it’s not great. 

“Christine, I don’t know if I can take that risk.” She says. 

“I need to be there. I can't take sitting around here anymore. When...” When not if. They will find you. She knows it. “When you find her, she’s going to need someone she knows there, someone that knows how to take care of her.” Christine lets out a breath, the relief of getting her thoughts out taking some of the weight off her shoulders. 

Kate sighs, but she has to know Christine is right. She’s not sure what state you’re in, and depending on how bad it is, and where your pack is, you’re going to need her. Even if you think she was behind this. “I’ll have a plane ready to go in thirty minutes.” 

“Thank you, Kate.” She says, letting out a sigh of relief. 

“Don’t miss the flight.” 

Christine hangs up, gathering a couple things from her office before closing and locking her door. She nearly runs to her barracks, packing a bag quickly. She’s not sure what to bring, or how long this will take. She’s not even sure exactly where she’s going. 

She hurries to the airfield, phone in hand. She’s not sure where the plane is or which one she’s taking. She’s just relieved Kate is doing this for her. 

Her phone buzzes as she reaches the tarmac, making her pause. She lets out an annoyed sigh before answering the call. 

“Of course you have to call at the worst possible moment.” She says. 

“I’ve always had the worst timing.” Alex’s voice comes through the speaker, and she can almost hear the smile on his face. 

“I can’t talk long. I’m about to board a plane.” She says. 

“I know. We’ll pick you up on the tarmac.” 

She blinks in surprise. It’s been years since she’s seen her brother, months since she’s spoken with him. Ever since he retired from Delta Force, his regular calls have been happening less and less, and they’ve reached near radio silence over the last couple years. Now he’s involved in this too? 

“Kate called in a favor.” He continues, and that’s all she needs to know. “We’ll see you in a few hours.” 

“Yeah.” She says, tears brimming in her eyes as she smiles. Despite everything, she’s glad she gets to see her brother again. Glad she has some support in this. Your pack will be mad. They’ll blame her. She’s not afraid of them, but she knows Alex will stand behind her no matter what. “See you then.” 

**Content Warning: light torture, ‘mega gets punched, further injury to previous injuries, panic attack**

Your hands are starting to go numb. The constant attempts to free yourself from the zip ties isn’t helping, but you’re beginning to get twitchy. Your omega is scratching at the back of your mind, begging to be free, but you know you won’t survive it. The room is full of armed mercenaries, and you’re sure if you tried to take out Phil first, you’d be pumped full of bullets before you could even do any damage. 

He’s leaning against the wall far too casually, staring at the phone he’d used to record the first video of you. His explanation had been simple. Your pack stops going after General Shepherd, you don’t get hurt. The longer they chase Shepherd, the more Phil gets to torture you until they decide your life is worth more than Shepherd’s. 

Will they choose you over Shepherd? What if they’ve already decided to abandon you? What if your fears were right and they’ve given up, and that’s why they were gone so long? They won’t care what happens to you if they have written you off as a burden, as a loss. They’ll let Phil torture you to death and they won’t even blink an eye. You’ll just be another casualty. 

It makes your stomach hurt, the idea of your pack letting you die. Even the idea of someone who had once been a friend of your family being so cold towards you has nausea bubbling in your belly. He doesn’t care. His only worry is money, not the past. He doesn’t care. He’ll do the bidding of whoever offers the highest price. 

He lets out a sigh, pocketing his phone as he pushes himself off of the wall. “Looks like your boys don’t follow orders well.” He bends down, putting his hands on his knees so he’s face to face with you. “They’ve decided to leave you here with me. Looks like Shepherd was wrong. They don’t really care about you as much as everyone thought they did. Makes me sad, them abandoning you so easily.” 

You try to ignore his words, try to convince yourself he’s doing it on purpose, trying to mentally break you. Yet you can’t deny those words play exactly into your doubts, your fears. Have they really left you here, choosing Shepherd over you? Would they decide to do that? How easy had that decision been made?  

Tears blur your vision as you stare up at Phil, your eyes burning as you try to put on the bravest face you can. You won’t let him have the satisfaction of knowing he’s getting to you, playing into your fears. 

“Unfortunately, that means I have to hurt you.” He stands up straight, staring down at you for a moment before pulling his fist back, hitting you across the face. 

You see stars for a moment, your head snapping to the side. The left side of your face is numb, the taste of metal flooding over your tongue. You’re bleeding, blood pooling in your mouth. A hand grips your chin, pulling you back so you’re sitting up straight in the chair. You stare up at Phil, the fear fading away to anger as you glare up at him. Your face is throbbing, and you know it’s going to swell and bruise later, more than it already has thanks to Corporal McKinney. 

Traitorous bastard. 

They all are. 

“I do feel bad for hurting that pretty face.” He says, stroking your jaw with his thumb. 

The movement is impulsive, the anger becoming too much. You spit the blood in your mouth in his face, the droplets splattering across his skin. He turns his head away for a moment, bringing his other hand up to wipe at the blood. 

“That wasn’t very nice.” He says, looking down at you. 

“Fuck you, you fucking creep!” You yell, kicking at him with your bad leg. 

He releases your face, catching your leg easily. He pushes his thumb against the bullet wound, all the fight leaving you as pain tears through your body. You let out a scream, trying to pull your leg away but he won’t let you. He holds his thumb there as you scream, the tears streaming down your face. 

“Okay, okay please! Please stop!” You beg, the pain radiating up into your hip and side. You can’t take it anymore, your brain starting to go fuzzy as you hyperventilate. 

He releases your leg, his hand wrapping around your throat to lift your face. The tears are streaming down your cheeks, mixing with the blood from the cut on your cheek. There’s no sympathy, not even regret in his eyes as he stares down at you. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, but if you can’t behave, I’ll have to do just that.” He releases you as you continue to hyperventilate, your eyes starting to glaze. You’re distressing. Will Phil help you? Will he do what he has to do to keep you alive? If you die, there won’t be anything stopping your pack. The entire plan will be over. They’ll go after Shepherd, then they’ll hunt down Phil. 

Cold ice water hits you in the face, shocking you back into clarity. Phil is holding the cup of water he’d been letting you drink from periodically. You blink at him as water drips into your eyes, your breaths hitching but far slower than they had been. You’re awake and aware now. 

You didn’t even know it was possible to do that. 

“Don’t distress on me now.” He says, putting the cup down. “We have so much ahead of us.” He moves around to the back of your chair, bending down until his breath hits your ear. “Besides, you make me help you out of distress, I might not be able to stop myself.” 

Your eyes pinch closed as his lips brush the shell of your ear before he stands back up, tears mixing with the icy water still sliding down your face. 

“Please tell me you have good news.” Kyle says as they stand around the table. John is still fuming, anger rolling off of him like it has been since they found out the news. He’s hanging onto the quickly fraying strings of control he still has on his alpha. 

“We’ve narrowed down locations to the US.” Kate says, standing bravely before them. It’s not the first time she’s been before an angry alpha. It’s not the first time she’s been before an angry John. 

“Damn it, Kate, we need a location.” John says, slamming his hands down on the table. 

“We’re working on it as fast as we can.” Kate says, unflinching. “We’ve got limited people and resources now. We can’t trust just anyone anymore.” 

John lets out a long breath as Kyle puts a hand on his chest. He’s tired. They can all see it in his face. He’s tired and angry and rapidly losing control. 

Simon pushes Kyle to the side, blocking John’s view of anything but him. The big alpha puts his hands on John’s shoulders, looking him right in the eye. “You won’t do her any good by raging like this.” He says, his voice flat and calm. “You know these things don’t happen immediately. They’re underground for a reason and we just have to be patient.” 

“She doesn’t have that kind of time.” John says loudly, but there’s a strain to his voice. 

“It’s better to wait and have a direct location than to run around on a wild goose chase. That’s what they want. They want us angry and thinking on instinct.” He squeezes John’s rapidly drooping shoulders. “We all want her back, but we just have to trust Graves will keep his end of the deal.” 

“She’s stronger than she looks.” Johnny says. “She’ll give ‘em hell.” 

John runs a hand over his face as he begins to deflate. They’re right. It’s better to wait and know for sure than to waste time running around and exhausting themselves. 

“Please tell me you have any news.” John says, moving back towards the table. 

“I do.” Kate says. “I’ve called in some backup. They’ll be here shortly.” 

Christine nearly runs down the ramp once the plane has stopped on the runway. She’s jet lagged and worn out after eight hours of worrying, but she’s eager not only to finally get some news on you and your status, but to see her brother for the first time in a long time. 

It’s not hard to find him. 

“Chrissy!” He grins, hugging her tightly. 

She has half a mind to complain about the nickname she’d endured her entire childhood, but she can’t find it in her as she hugs her brother tightly. She’s missed him, more than she realized. Their jobs have kept them busy, her with her medical studies and practice, and Alex with...whatever it is he does. 

“It’s been far too long.” She says, pulling away from him. She’d love to stand there and hug him for an hour, but she can’t. They have more important things to do. Time is of the essence, if her worst fears are true. 

“A lot has happened, a lot has changed.” He says. 

She looks him over, spotting the more noticeable changes in comparison to the last time they were face to face. “You could say that.” 

“We can talk about it later.” He turns to the other person with him, a woman. “Christine, this is Farah.” He introduces her. “Farah, this is my baby sister Christine.” 

“Nice to meet you.” Farah says, shaking her hand. 

“You as well.” Christine looks between them for a moment. She knows that look in Alex’s eyes as he looks at Farah. 

“We should get moving.” Farah says, ignoring him. 

“Laswell has moved off the grid.” Alex says, opening the driver’s side of the SUV. 

Smart, if things are as bad as she thinks they are. 

Christine gets into the back, letting out a long breath. She’s closer now to finding out what’s happened to you. The guilt is still eating her alive. If she just hadn’t left, if she hadn’t believed the phone call, put it above your safety. 

Things might have been worse if she had stayed. 

“Kate filled us in about everything.” Alex says as he drives away from the airfield. “At least in regards to the pack and your involvement.” 

“There’s some things she’s not telling us.” Farah says. “Though if things are as bad as they sound, I don’t blame her.” 

“I don’t know much of anything.” Christine says, staring out the window as they drive out of the city. “I feel like it’s my fault. If I hadn’t left her alone...” 

“It’s hardly your fault.” Alex says, glancing at her in the rearview mirror. “If this was all planned, there wouldn’t have been anything that would stop it from happening.” 

“They might have done worse if you had stayed there.” Farah says, speaking Christine’s own fears aloud. 

“I wish I could see her. Make sure she’s alright.” Christine says. “If something happens to her...” 

“From what I hear she’s a hardy omega.” Alex says, trying to comfort her. “She’s withstood a lot. She can survive the 141, she’s probably giving them hell as we speak.” 

**Content Warnings: light torture, choking to the point of almost passing out, blood, very detailed descriptions of pain, non-fatal stabbing**

It’s getting hard to breathe. Phil’s grip around your throat is getting tighter and tighter, less and less oxygen getting to your bloodstream and your brain. Your mouth has an almost permanent metallic taste as blood drips down your chin. Blood stains Phil’s arm from where you bit him, teeth marks red and angry looking from where they broke the skin. 

“You fucking bitch.” He growls, jaw clenched. “Your alpha should have taught you some manners.” 

His hand squeezes tighter, cutting the air off entirely. You begin to panic, tugging against the restrains with your raw, cut up wrists. Black dots begin to dance in your vision, your legs straining against the zip ties keeping them attached to the chair. Your hands and feet are going numb, your entire body tingling. This is it. You’re going to be choked to death. 

He holds his hand there for a moment, letting you struggle before he lets go and you suck in a gasp of air. You slump over in the chair, blood splattering on the floor as you cough, your throat raw and sore. Tears burn in your eyes as you heave, trying to get the oxygen flowing through your body again. 

Phil bends down to your level as you sit there, head hanging as blood drips from your mouth. Your tongue is raw from how many times you’ve bitten it. It’s impossible to tell how much time has really passed. There’s no windows in the room. The only light source is the cracks around the door behind you. Even then with the bright light in your face constantly, it’s hard to tell anything anymore. 

“Feisty still, but everyone has their limits.” His hand cups your chin as he stands, lifting your face to follow him. His hand holds the back of your head up as he wipes at the blood under your nose and on your chin almost gently. 

Tears stream down your cheeks as you stare up at him, unable to even care anymore that his hand is so close to your neck. All he has to do is move it down just slightly and squeeze and you’ll be unaware of anything around you, at the mercy of his bidding. 

That would almost be a relief. 

He dumps another icy cup of water over your head, keeping you from slipping too much into a panic. The cold water stings the cut on your chest and the one on your arm as it slides down your shoulders. You’ve lost the ability to feel the throbbing in your calf, numb to most of the pain in your body. 

Why haven’t they come for you? Where is your pack? 

Have they written you off for good? Was finding Shepherd more important than you? 

Phil’s phone goes off, your stomach dropping. He stares at the screen for a second before turning back to you. 

You shake your head, the tears cascading down your cheeks. “No,” You start to shake. “No, please-” 

“You know I have to, darlin’.” He moves behind you, tugging on your hair to keep your head up as one of his men stands in front of you with a phone in hand. 

He counts down on his fingers before pressing record. 

“Having fun yet?” Phil says as he reaches around your head, holding your chin in his hand. He tilts your head back making you look up at him. “We sure are. Aren’t we, darlin’? Tell them. Tell them how much fun we’re having.” 

You’re still crying, unable to stop as you stare at the camera. They really have given up on you. They’ve deemed you unworthy of saving. They’ve let you sit here and be beat up and tortured all because they put the job first. 

They really have given up on you. 

Are they even watching? 

“Please,” You croak out, half begging your pack to care, half begging Phil to have mercy. 

“Since you can’t seem to bring yourselves to care about your own omega,” He shifts slightly, someone handing him something behind you. You catch a glint of metal, your heart rate picking up. You’re panicking, breaths coming in shaky gasps. You know he can do worse. He’s threatened worse, but what is he going to do? “It seems you need a little more...motivation.” 

You try to wiggle out of his grasp in panic, wrists bleeding again from tugging at the zip ties. They’re coated in your blood, your leg throbbing but you don’t care. You need to get away, get free. “No, no-”

You let out a scream. 

It’s sharp and piercing, but nowhere near the sharp pain in your neck. It fires through your very nerve endings, making you aware of the very cells in your body. It shoots up into your brain, igniting every neuron in your brain. Your very blood feels like it’s boiling, your skin on fire from the pain. Every inhale feels like you’re breathing in sand, and every exhale is like glass shards dragging through your lungs and up your throat. The tears streaming down your face may as well be slicing through layers of skin, every wound pulsing and throbbing with a new kind of angry vengeance. 

You’re sobbing, nearly choking on air as the pain continues to pulse in your body. It’s too much, every sensation inside and outside of your body meshing together in an agonizing harmony. 

“Shhh.” Phil tries to shush you as he bends down, his cheek resting against the side of your head. “I know, I know. You’ll be alright.” He presses a kiss to the side of your head before letting you go limp in the chair. 

Your scream still hangs in the air even after the video ends. 

It’s otherwise silent in the room, all eight of them feeling the weight of their decisions on their shoulders. The scents in the air are full of pain and regret and guilt and anger. 

“Was that fatal?” Kate asks, breaking the tense silence. 

“No.” Christine chokes out, her voice shaky. Her hands are trembling where they’re tucked against her sides. Her arms are crossed over her chest, trying to bring herself some kind of comfort after what she had just watched. “He went for the scent gland. It’s not a fatal injury, unless you go too deep, but he knew what he was doing.” She swallows the lump in her throat. “It’s just incredibly painful.” 

Her words hang in the air for a moment, all of them still trying to process what they had just seen. 

John slams his hands on the table, all of them jumping. “I fucking told you.” He says, his voice laced with the deep growl of his alpha. “I fucking told you Kate, she should have been flown out here as soon as you made the call.” 

“I know.” Kate says, undeterred by his anger. She’s seen it many times, though she’s rarely been on the receiving end of it. “I know, I made a bad call. None of us knew they would take it this far.” 

“But we knew something was going on behind the scenes.” John says, still radiating anger. “All precautions should have been taken.” 

“There was no guarantee her being here would have stopped them. She might not have been any safer here.” Kate says, trying to ease his anger, even though she knows it’s completely warranted. “This goes far deeper than we thought it did. Even before this plan was set into motion.” She waits a moment, letting the air settle. “A year ago, a convoy was smuggling missiles and other weapons into the Middle East in an off-the-books operation. The convoy was attacked and the missiles and arms were stolen by a Russian PMC group. The operation was conducted under the command of Shepherd, and the soldiers in the convoy were all Shadow Company.” 

“That’s how Graves is tied into this.” Kyle says. 

“It goes deeper than that.” Kate says, pulling up a file and displaying it on screen. “The missiles and weapons being smuggled weren’t being sent to aid allies in the Middle East. Shepherd sold them to AQ and the Russians. The PMC group that attacked Shadow Company was hired by Shepherd to make it look like an ambush.” 

“Fucking weasel.” Simon growls. 

“I don’t know how much Graves knows, or how much he helped hide the entire operation, but his ties to this go even deeper than that.” Kate says, and they all shift closer. “Graves has history with your omega.” She says, pulling up an old photo. “We combed through one of her brothers’ Facebook pages. Found an old photo of her dad with Graves. They served on the same base when her family lived in Texas before Graves left to join MARSOC. She would have still been a child at the time.” 

They stare at the photo, Graves clearly identifiable as he stands next to another man, beers in their hands. There’s two other boys in the photo, young and grinning at the camera. Standing in front of Graves is a little girl, a happy grin on her face. They’re all in various combinations of red, white, and blue. 

4th of July, they assume. 

“That’s how she got into the institute so fast.” John says, staring at the photo. He’s never seen a photo of your father before. You must take after your mother. “Graves pulled the strings.” 

Kate nods. “He did, but under the condition he would be the one to claim her when she grew old enough. The CIA wiped out that claim when they froze her file.” 

The 141 all shift on their feet, sharing looks. John feels a sick twisting in his stomach at the implications. Your position in the photo suddenly makes sense. Anger burns in him, deep and bubbling like magma. He’ll kill the bastard. 

“This is revenge then.” Johnny says. 

“In a way, I think.” Kate says. “We took away what he wanted. Graves wasn’t going to pass up this opportunity. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty.” 

“This all is what the initiative was created for.” Christine says, leaning against the table. “A contingency in case this all was uncovered.” 

“A way to control us.” Kyle says. 

Kate nods. “Yes. It was all a plan to give the 141 a weakness, a way to be controlled should the situation arise. In this case it just so happened to be the uncovering of his traitorous arms deals.” 

“We were all pawns in this.” Christine says. 

“We let them walk right in and take control like that.” John says, turning to Christine. “You let them walk in and take our omega.” 

She turns to face him, undeterred by his agitation and anger. “I did what I thought was right at the time. I got a call from one of the front desk workers in the med center saying that someone was waiting in my office for me.” She explains. “They wouldn’t say who it was, and the whole thing felt off. I knew whoever would be visiting me was not going to be friendly, so I felt it was safer to leave her in the barracks than take her with me and risk something happening in a place she doesn’t know well. In the barracks at least she’d know places to hide and barricade herself.” 

She takes a deep breath, still facing down John fearlessly. He’s coiled tight like a spring, ready to jump at any moment should he deem it necessary. It’s those protective instincts, the knowledge that his omega is somewhere else, taken unwillingly and being tortured feeding into that need to fight. 

“My office door was open when I got there.” She continues. “I always leave it locked. I went in prepared to fight, but I was attacked from behind. Hit over the head and drugged with something fast acting, something that would keep me incapacitated long enough for him to strike.” She stares up into his eyes, projecting her scent just a bit to try and get him to calm down. “We all made mistakes here, things we thought were the right choice at the time.” 

She’s not wrong. They all know it. They had just seen proof of it.  

“The assailant?” John asks, turning back to Kate. 

“Corporal McKinney.” Kate says. “He was in Shepherd’s pocket from the start. Someone who could watch first-hand. Someone who could sneak into the barracks unnoticed without many questions. He was likely the one that put the cameras up.” 

“Fucking wanker.” Simon growls. “He approached her once in the mess. Early on. Tried to introduce himself to her. Backed off as soon as I intervened. Never tried again, at least that we know of.” 

“She never mentioned him.” Christine says. “Or anyone else on base that might have tried to approach her.” 

“Where is he now?” Kyle asks. They’re all angry, frustrated. How had they not seen this happening? 

“Local police tracked his car to an abandoned airfield not far outside of Hereford.” Kate says. “He was dead inside. Police ruled it suicide.” 

“I’m sure it was.” John says. 

They all know it wasn’t. 

“Shadow Company likely picked her up from there with orders to stage a suicide.” Kate says. 

“One less loose string to worry about.” Simon says. “Covers their tracks in England.” 

They all go quiet. How this had all happened right under their noses? They’re all guilty of falling for it, for being too trusting in a world they know they can’t be too careful in. Allies can turn on a dime and become enemies. Betrayals can be easily bought. Things can turn downhill within a blink of an eye. They’re supposed to be prepared for the worst, ready for every possibility. 

They had written this off as a conspiracy, and now their omega is paying for it. 

“We need a plan.” Farah says, breaking the silence. 

“We can’t let Shepherd get away with this.” John says. 

“We cannae just leave her.” Johnny argues against his head alpha. It’s a brave thing, considering his alpha’s current mental state.  

“I don’t know how much more she can take.” Simon backs his beta up, the desperation and pain on your face still visible in all of their minds. 

“Let us go after Shepherd.” Alex says, offering up a solution. “He’s obviously watching for you to come after him.” 

“We can move undetected.” Farah agrees. “He’s less likely to expect us. You need to focus on your omega. Shepherd will show himself again eventually.” 

“Do we have a lead on their location?” Kyle asks, turning back to Kate. 

She nods. “We do now. I sent a team out to try and track location through the videos and where they were being sent from.” She pulls a map up on screen. “We have a location.” 

“Texas.” Alex says. 

“He took her home.” Christine says. 

“We have a plan then. We go after Graves, Farah and Alex start tracking Shepherd. Kate is eyes in the sky for us.” John says. 

“She’s going to need medical attention as soon as possible.” Christine says. She looks at Kate. “Where is the nearest military base from their location?” 

Kate types on her computer. “Naval Air Station Joint Reserve Base in Fort Worth.” 

“Get me there and I’ll be waiting. She’s going to need someone she knows.” She says, looking at John. “She’s not going to just let anyone close to her after this. She may not even let you close.” 

John stares down at her for a long moment. She stares back unflinchingly. She doesn’t get intimidated easily, not after years of dealing with institutes and alphas alike. 

He lets out a breath, staring down at her for a long moment before he nods. “I trust you.” 

“Short reunion this time.” 

“I’m just glad I got to see your face again.” Christine says, looking up at Alex. 

“Things are...complicated.” He says. “Maybe after all of this is over we can go and get some coffee. Talk about our lives...as much as we can.” 

The corner of her mouth twitches up in a smile. “I’ll hold you to that.” 

Alex pulls her into a hug, holding her tightly. “You’re doing good work, Chrissy.” 

She shakes her head at the nickname, but she holds him just as tightly. “I’m trying to.” 

Alex pulls away, squeezing her arms. “I’d say you are. You care a lot. To the point some might call it a character defect.” 

She scoffs, slapping his chest playfully. “Not like you’re much better.” She glances at the car where Farah is waiting patiently. “I’m happy for you.” 

“Oh, we’re....” Alex blushes to his ears. “We’re not...” 

She gives him a look. “Mhm sure.” She looks up at him one more time. “Be safe.” 

“As best I can.” He says. “Take care of yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself either.” 

“I try not to be.” She squeezes his hand before stepping away. 

She watches the SUV drive off, stomach churning with nerves for both of them. Shepherd is dangerous, but Alex has fearlessly faced down danger since he was a kid. He’s always been brave and determined, loyal and unafraid to do what he thinks is right no matter what. She trusts him to take care of himself, she trusts Farah to help him, even if she only met the woman today. 

She trusts them both to take care of each other. She trusts them both to help put an end to this. 

Your body aches, muscles screaming. You can’t take much more. Your cheek throbs painfully, swollen to the point you almost can’t see out of your left eye. The pain burning from your neck makes the other pain in your body nearly irrelevant, nearly nonexistent. It’s like electricity, burning through your very cells. Every movement seems to make it flare, makes the electric shock jolt through you. The burning pain that follows makes you whimper, a pathetic choking sound squeaking out from your bruised throat. 

The pain makes you nauseous, vomit staining the front of your shirt and pants. It’s mostly bile and the little food you’ve gotten since your kidnapping. 

Nutrient bars, meant to keep you fed and nourished for a short period of time. 

You may never be able to eat them again. 

“Fuck.” Graves curses, staring at his phone. “They’ve backed off.” He steps up to you, looking down on your pathetic form. “Looks like your boys do care about you after all.” 

Do they? Are they really coming for you, or have they simply given up chasing Shepherd because they lost all their leads. Will they come for you, or will they leave you here to rot? What will Graves do then? Try to take you as his own omega? Kill you out of anger? 

Your stomach churns and you can feel the bile rising. 

You vomit again, the warm liquid splashing into your lap. You can’t lean far enough anymore, not without the risk of not being able to pull yourself back up, not with the pain burning your every movement. You can’t even lift your head anymore, your body weak and battered and bruised. There’s blood everywhere, on you and on the floor. You can still taste it in your mouth, mixing with the sourness of bile. 

Graves gives you a disgusted look before turning to the others in the room. “Duran, Lewis, keep watch. The rest of you come with me.” 

He leaves the room for the first time in what you assume is days. For once the cocktail of scents begins to disperse, all but two of the alphas finally disappearing. Where they’re going or what they’re going to do, you don’t know. You can’t bring yourself to care either way. You just want to go home. You want to see your mother again, your brothers and sisters, even your father would be a welcome sight after this. You want your alpha, you want him to hold you, to take you in his arms, keep you safe.

He abandoned you. He left you to suffer like this. 

Your breathing picks up as you sit there, chin to chest as you stare at your bloody shirt. The smells in the room are awful, the scents no longer there to block out the sour bile and metallic stench blood. Tears are streaming down your cheeks, pink tinted splatters dripping onto your pants. What are you going to do now? What are they going to do to you now? Will they keep you alive long enough for your pack to arrive then kill you in front of them? Will they torture them too, make them watch as the life slowly leaves your eyes in revenge for chasing after Shepherd? 

A sob rips through your sore throat up out of your lips. 

You just want to go home. 

You just want to be free. 

You can be. 

Distress. The final defense. The last ditch effort omegas have to save themselves. Distress will lead to your omega taking over, and if nothing else, a quiet death you won’t even realize is happening. Your body will give out and you’ll be safely tucked into the back of your brain, comforted by your instincts. You won’t have to worry anymore. You won’t have to care. 

If nothing else, the pain will be over. 

I’m sorry. 

You begin to breathe heavier, ignoring the pain in your body as you push yourself to hyperventilate. The alphas behind you might do something, might try to stop it. They could, but would they even know how? Would it even work if you got too far? They’re not your alpha. They can’t comfort you, bring you back from the edge without forcing you. Will they even bother? 

You tilt your head to the side, putting pressure on your injured scent gland. You sob at the pain, the burning flowing straight into your very cells, making them scream. You push through it, your wrists twisting against the zip ties, digging them further into your already damaged wrists. The pain pushes you to a point of panic, your heart rate through the roof. You can feel it, the tightening of your muscles, your joints locking into place. 

You’ve never done it purposefully before, but in this state, it’s not hard. 

They left you. They’ve abandoned you. They’ve given up. It’s all your fault they left. They’re not coming for you. You’re not worth it. 

The thoughts send you down the spiral, the edges of your vision starting to go dark. You’re floating away, hands and feet going numb as your wheezing, shallow breaths block the oxygen from getting to your brain. You’re sinking, your body floating as you begin to retreat into the back of your mind. The cage is open, your omega soothing you as you drift off, curling up in the back recesses of your mind. 

You’re safe now. She whispers. 

There’s no going back. 

You’re going to get out. 

Even if you have to do it yourself. 

The last breath you remember taking is shaky, making you cough before your vision begins to fade to grey, then to black. You’re getting out of here no matter what. You’re going to go to sleep. If you fail, you’ll never know it. Your death will be quick and gentle and you’ll never know it happened until you’ve moved on to whatever is next. 

You won’t remember any of this. That’s your only consolation. 

Your vision fades to black as all memory and awareness leaves you. The last thing you remember is the snap of the zip ties around your wrists as they break. 

“Graves has moved with some of his men to the western building. It’s likely the hostage is being held in the eastern building. Gaz and I will go after Graves. Ghost and Soap will try to secure the hostage.” 

“Keller is on her way to NAS JRB as we speak. They’re on standby for medevac.” 

“Stealth is our priority. They know we’re here, we risk losing the hostage. Quick and quiet, take them by surprise. The faster we do this, the sooner it will all be over.” 

**Content Warning: blood and slight gore, someone gets shot offscreen, some gorey and explicit imagery towards the end**

He’s not unfamiliar with high stakes missions. It’s his specialty. He’s cool and calm under stress and pressure, which is why he gets chosen for them. He can detach easily, get the job done and then go home and forget. 

So why are his hands shaking? 

This isn’t a high stakes mission, not like one he’s used to doing. The stakes are higher, higher than he’s ever had before. It’s not just eliminating some faceless target, it’s not just rescuing some faceless hostage. 

It’s rescuing you. 

How much did he get for this assignment? How much did he settle for once he learned you were involved? 

He hates that you were involved in all of this. He hates that they all fell for it, blind to the truth, blind to Shepherd’s traitorous actions. They refused to entertain those conspiratorial thoughts, and now you’re paying for it.

He hates it.

He should have never left you alone like that. He should have argued against Price and his decision to leave when they knew something wasn't right. They should have known something was going on behind the scenes, that there was a higher purpose to all of this.

His conspiracies had been correct from the start.

He hates that it had to come to fruition.

How could Graves torture an innocent omega? You're not just an innocent omega to him, though. You're a broken promise, a lost opportunity, one he'd waited for, for a long time. Of course he wouldn't have stopped as soon as they started going after him. He wouldn’t give up just because Shepherd told him to stop. He’s ruthless and uncaring of who he hurts and why. He gets his orders and he completes them, no matter what, so long as whoever is giving those orders can pay a high enough price.

Far too much despite that fact, most likely. Maybe he should become a merc. Less rules and more money.

It’s not a bad idea. 

He lasers his focus on the building as they creep through the trees, moving silently. Two against however many are inside. It was impossible to tell with how many were moving between the two buildings constantly. 

He brought the whole squad. He planned on putting up a fight regardless. 

At least they have the element of surprise on their hands. 

“We move silently through the building.” He says as they approach the door. There’s two guards standing outside. “They know we’re inside, things could go downhill quickly.” 

“On you, LT.” Johnny says, taking point beside him. 

“Drop one, I’ll take the other.” He says, aiming at one of the two Shadows guarding the door. 

It’s quick and quiet, their bodies slumping onto the damp dirt. Simon scans the area before moving forward to the door. It’s unlocked, Johnny pushing it open slowly to check for a trip wire. 

None. 

Sloppy, or perhaps on purpose. They can’t be too careful. Shepherd will have let Graves know they’re not on his trail anymore. He’ll be expecting them. 

They split up, combing the bottom floor of the building. He takes out two more Shadows, checking every room for a sign of their target, but they find none. 

“Second floor.” He says, waiting at the base of the stairwell for Johnny to join him. 

“You think she’s in here?” Johnny asks as they creep up the stairs, careful not to make too much noise. 

“Well, we’ll find out.” 

It’s far too unguarded to where they’re holding you. Graves will have assumed they’d split up. He must have moved most of his men to the western building to put up as much of a barricade as possible. He can picture Graves standing there, the smirk on his face as he holds a gun to your head. Will he take that risk, shoot you in front of them and give them nothing to live for? Or will he use a knife, letting you die a slow, painful death in front of them? 

Or, maybe he moved them to the western building to make them think that’s where you are. Focus their attacks there so they leave you behind. He gets cornered, he send the word to kill you before any of them can get to you. 

More red herrings. 

He pauses before he reaches the top of the steps, taking out the shadow standing down the hallway. They split up again, looking through rooms at the top of the stairs, making their way down the hallway. 

One of the doors is open, and he silently motions for Johnny. He counts down silently in his head before rounding the corner, rifle up as he scans the room. His stomach churns as he looks inside, taking a couple cautious steps forward. He’s seen a lot of things in his time, done a lot of things, but this is different. 

“Screaming Jesus.” Johnny says, lowering his rifle as he steps in behind Simon. 

There’s blood everywhere. 

It’s coating the floors, leaving a sticky residue as it dries. It’s the room you were in. He recognizes it from the video, and the bright light in the corner is a dead giveaway. The chair in the middle of the room has been broken, the wood of the arms snapped off and splintered. There’s four bloody zip ties on the floor, along with several instruments on the floor including the ice pick. 

He wants to shove that into Graves’ eye for what he did to you. 

There’s two bodies on the floor, one of them dead in a pool of his own blood, the other choking as blood seeps onto the floor under him. He steps up to the shadow, putting his boot on his chest and pushing. The Shadow lets out a groan, coughing up blood. 

“Where the fuck is she?” He growls, staring down at the quickly paling face. 

“Fucking bitch went crazy.” He chokes out. “Went running.” 

Simon steps back, pulling out his handgun and firing two bullets into the Shadow’s head. 

“Price, we found the room.” He says into his comm. “The hostage isn’t here. A half-dead Shadow said she bolted.” 

“LT.” Johnny says, motioning to the door, the only other exit from the room. There’s a bloody handprint on the door, one too small to be one of the Shadows’. 

“I think she managed to get out.” He says, staring at the handprint. His stomach drops, his hand tightening around his rifle. He glances down at the bodies, throats cut and faces bloody. “I think her omega took over.” 

“You and Soap go after her. She’ll do the one thing she knows to do, the one instinctual thing she can do if she has nothing to fight.” Price says. “We’ve got Graves cornered.” 

Simon pushes the door open, cool air flowing into the stuffy room. There’s bloody shoe prints heading down the stairs. He can see the rapid turn on the concrete below before they head off towards the trees. 

“I’ve got a trail.” He says. 

“Go.” Price says. “Simon...you know what you have to do.” 

He does.

He motions for Johnny to follow before hurrying down the stairs. The longer they delay, the further you’ll get. He doesn’t doubt some Shadows followed you if you made that much of a ruckus. The more time they waste, the more dangerous things get, and not just because they might lose you or the shadows might catch up. 

He races towards the treeline, rifle in hand, but there’s no one else standing guard. Price and Gaz will have taken care of those in the other building, and those that were outside probably went after you. 

He slows once they break the treeline, trying to catch any hint of your scent that might be left. His only hope is that you’ve left a trail. He’s a tracker, he knows what he’s doing. His senses are stronger, more in tune. He can find you. He can track you down. He has to. 

The guilt is eating him alive. If something happens to you, he’ll never forgive himself. He’s right here, so close and yet so far. You’re running on borrowed time and there’s only so much of it left. Eventually you have to slow, eventually your body will start giving up. Will it be too late then? If a Shadow finds you when you can’t fight back...

“Dead Shadow ahead.” Johnny says, motioning to the slumped over body ahead of them. “We’re on the trail.” 

“Let’s hope she left more markers on the way.” He says, kicking the Shadow, but the stab wound in his neck is all Simon needs to know. “Keep going straight.” He says, continuing on the path they’ve been following. He needs just a whiff, a hint of your scent. Something. 

They come across another dead Shadow, this one off to the side of the path they had been following. He turns, making an adjustment before moving forward. Johnny keeps close, both of them watching for more Shadows, or for any glimpse of you. All they can hope is they’re on the right path. 

He nearly sets off in a run as he hears a sound ahead. It’s a yowl, almost like a mountain lion. It sends a tingle down his back, his alpha blaring warning alarms. A threatened omega is a dangerous thing. Fierce and protective of themselves, capable of great feats and lethal if you get too close. 

It’s you, no doubt. 

Price had been right. 

He has no choice. 

He pushes forward, his steps quick as he makes his way through the bushes. He spots you near a boulder, trying to fight off a Shadow. He’s got the upper hand, using his size against you. You’re getting tired, your movements slowing. Simon aims with his rifle, a shot to the head dropping the Shadow. You drop into a crouch, surveying the trees. You’re covered in blood, a knife in your hand as your wild eyes search for them. 

“Distract her.” He says to Johnny. “Make yourself as unthreatening as possible. I’ll go around and get her from behind.” 

He doesn’t even wait for an acknowledgement before he’s moving, slipping around to the side of the boulder. Johnny steps into the clearing slowly, holding his hands up, talking to you quietly.

“Easy, kitten. Ye know who I am.” Johnny is careful not to get too close, his steps slow as he moves to the side, getting you to turn. “We’re just here to help ye. Get ye home and safe.” 

You’re holding the knife up, brandishing it at Johnny. Simon isn’t sure if you’ve ever thrown a knife before, but he doesn’t put it past you to try in this state. 

He hopes Johnny’s reflexes are fast enough. 

He slips out from behind the boulder as you pause, wasting no time as he races up behind you and grabbing you before you can bolt or go for Johnny’s neck. You let out another yowl, struggling against him as he wraps an arm around your chest. Your teeth sink into his arm and he lets out a curse, but he doesn’t let go. If he lets go, they won’t get another chance. It’ll be too late. 

He doesn't want to do it. His mind flashes back to his father and mother, one of the few times his mother fought back. It hadn’t lasted long before her body went limp, practically a ragdoll in his father’s hold. Simon had grabbed Tommy and ran, barricading them in his room. They didn’t want to see what was going to happen next. 

He doesn’t want that kind of control over you, he doesn’t want to put you through that trauma. The disorientation, the fear, the confusion. That must have been what it felt like after being sedated during your heat. You had been sick for days, crying in Johnny’s room. He had heard every sob, every attempt to soothe you. 

He put you through that. He made you face that despite the fear on your face as Johnny escorted you to the med center. 

And now he has to do it again. 

He has to this time. He has no choice. His only other option is to let you die. Price will never forgive him. Johnny won’t even look at him again. He’d betray them worse than you did, worse than Shepherd, worse than Graves. 

You never really betrayed them in the first place, though. 

You were afraid, untrusting of them, unsure because of your past. He had been foolish to blame you, foolish to think it was somehow your fault. You acted out of fear, out of terror. How you must have felt in those moments when that beta showed up, when you faced down Shepherd alone, when you returned to find your space invaded and those cameras all over your room. They weren’t there to protect you, they weren’t there to support you. They left you alone and you hid it from them because you didn’t know any better, because you were so afraid. 

He’s a goddamn fucking prick he’s been. 

Tears blur his vision as he tucks his free arm behind you, shifting your position just enough so he can get his hand around the back of your neck. You kick out with your legs, releasing his arm, your head tilting back in a last ditch, instinctual effort to protect yourself. 

His eyes squeeze closed as you let out a yelp, his fingers digging into the back of your neck. It’s hard enough it will leave a bruise, but he has to be sure. It’s the only thing that might save you. It’s his only option, his only chance to keep you alive. 

“There you go.” He says quietly into your ear. “Need you to relax for me.” 

Your body goes limp in his hold, head resting back against his hand as he holds you there. Your muscles twitch as the tension leaves you, eyelids fluttering before they close. His arm stings where your teeth had sunk into his skin, hard enough to draw blood, but he doesn’t care. 

“Keep resting.” He says, easing his hand from the back of your neck as he shifts you in his arms. “Gonna get you somewhere safe.” 

You’re like a ragdoll in his arms as he lifts you up, cradling you against his chest. You’re warm, hair sticking to your forehead. 

“Call it in.” He tells Johnny, his eyes still glued to your face. “We need that medevac now.” 

“Price, we got her.” Johnny says into his comm. “We need medevac stat.” 

You look so peaceful despite the blood soaking your body. Partially yours, partially the Shadows you killed in your escape. You look like a gruesome painting, a gorey depiction of an omega pushed too far. Something they’d put on display in a museum, a photo that would win prizes in celebration of such a natural state caught on camera. It would be circulated for decades, something talked about centuries from now. 

A raw view of humanity’s inner beasts. 

He can’t stand it, seeing you like this. They did this to you. They are the reason you’re like this. They made the bad call in the end, they put you through this. You won’t forgive them, not after everything. You went weeks without them, without a word and then this happened. Innocence tainted in the blood of the guilty. The bloodstained omega held in the arms of the blood-tainted alpha. He should be the one covered in their blood. He should be the one carrying the weight of torture and desperation on his shoulders. 

The guardian dog covered in blood in the name of protecting his innocent sheep. 

How he’s failed you. How they all failed you. 

He pushes past the pain, past the grief, past the guilt and the horror of what they did to you, what they put you through. 

They’ve got you back. You’re safe. 

It’s over. 

NEXT ->

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[kaitlyn-chukwu]

Katsuki Bakugo headcanon:

-Bakugo is confident and brash, but when you're alone, he’s much softer.

-His love is demonstrated through acts of care, though he doesn’t always say it outright.

-A typical date might involve him dragging you to a spot he finds interesting—maybe a new training ground or a place where he can show off his skills.

-He tries to act cool, but his cheeks flush when you praise him.

-Despite his tough exterior, Bakugo loves surprising you with small gestures, like buying you your favorite snacks or leaving a note for you in an unexpected place.

-His “romantic” moments are blunt but meaningful: "I don’t need anyone else. You’re the one I want."

-Sometimes, he’ll watch you silently with a small smile when he thinks you’re not looking, but you catch his gaze, and he quickly looks away, embarrassed.

-Bakugo is fiercely protective of you. He might not always show it in the most gentle way, but you’ll never feel unsafe when he’s around.

-Bakugo’s not big on PDA, but when you’re alone, he’ll surprise you with small, unexpected gestures like running his hand through your hair or pulling you close for a brief hug.

-He’s not the type to say “I love you” every day, but he’ll call you something like “damn, you’re pretty cool” or “you're the best damn partner I could ask for” when you least expect it.

-If you’re going through something difficult, Bakugo will show his support in a straightforward, sometimes blunt way, pushing you to overcome challenges with his “stop being weak” attitude, but it’s always coming from a place of care.

-He’s not one to hide it, so when other people flirt with you or give you too much attention, he’ll get irritated and make sure everyone knows you’re his.

-When you accomplish something, Bakugo gets proud—he might not show it immediately, but he’ll make sure others know how impressive you are (especially if it involves him being involved in some way).

-If you’re good at something he’s passionate about (like training or a hobby), expect him to challenge you to a friendly competition, just to prove that he's the best... but secretly, he loves when you beat him because it pushes him to be better.

-Bakugo is fiercely loyal. He’ll always have your back, even if he doesn’t show it with words. He’d go to great lengths to protect you and keep you safe.

-While he’s protective, Bakugo respects your independence. He’s not going to hover over you or control your every move—he trusts you to make your own decisions.

-He’s not the type to plan romantic dinners, but if you’ve had a tough day, he might show up with your favorite food or take you out somewhere to help you unwind.

-Bakugo’s not the most emotionally expressive person, so it can take a while for him to truly open up about his feelings. However, once he does, it’s meaningful and deep.

-Bakugo loves to tease you, but it's all in good fun. Sometimes his teasing can get a little intense, but if you ever tell him it’s too much, he’ll tone it down (even if he acts annoyed about it).

-He gets irritated if anyone tries to steal your attention away from him for too long. Quality time is important, so if you’re busy, he’ll make sure you find a way to spend time with him soon.

-When it’s just the two of you, he’ll occasionally let his guard down and show a side of him that’s softer, often without even realizing it. He trusts you enough to do so.

[walkingstackofbooks]

A 9-year-old Julian Bashir who has had nightmares about evil doctors in an alien hospital for as long as he can remember. He doesn't tell his parents though because "he's a big boy now" and nightmares are for little kids, so he knows he should deal with them alone. And even if he'd like a hug sometimes, his mum only gives him hugs for doing well, not for doing badly, so he figures there's no point bothering her

A 15-year-old Julian Bashir who realises that the nightmares he used to have were based on the apparently very real alien hospital his parents had taken him to as a kid, and spends hours trying to figure out what were real memories and what his mind had made up over the years as he slept. The nightmares come back with an intensity, but they're nothing compared with how he's feeling when he's awake, and pretty soon they become a normal background noise of his life.

A 19-year-old Julian Bashir who's finally been moved into a solitary room after his third roommate in as many weeks complained about the almost-nightly screams. His advisor asks if he wants to speak to anyone: he claims they're just night terrors and he doesn't actually remember them. Besides, even if he could talk about what was in them, he probably wouldn't, because he's fine - he's used to them by now.

A 24-year-old Julian Bashir who gets woken from his nightmares by warm hands and gentle kisses, and learns what is like to be soothed back to sleep by the soft voice of Palis Delon

A 32-year-old Julian Bashir who has a different nightmare every night. The last year's been difficult. But then, it's been difficult for everyone, and he knows he's far from the only one to be suffering from nightmares at the moment.

A 34-year-old Julian Bashir who can't stop dreaming about the torture he went through four weeks ago, who's missing Ezri and who Miles is increasingly concerned about. When the O'Briens offer him their spare room for a while, he warns them multiple times about his nightmares, and is pathetically grateful when that doesn't change their minds. "We have nightmares too, Julian," says Keiko. "We can cope with yours."

A 34-year-old Julian Bashir who is confused when, three days later, Miles remarks, "You are having a bad run of those nightmares, aren't you?"

"They've been better than usual, actually," he replies awkwardly. "It's been really nice being able to go back to sleep afterwards, for once -- you and Keiko have been so generous in coming and checking on me."

"Course we're gonna come and check on you," says Miles gruffly. "You woke up terrified. We're not letting you do that alone."

"I'd be fine, Miles," Julian reassures. "I'm hardly going to expect one of you to come in every night."

Miles pauses. "...How long are you expecting to have them 'every night' for?" he asks, with some concern. "I mean, after a thing like this, how long does it usually take them to settle down?"

Julian stares at Miles. "I... have nightmares, Miles," he replies, frowning. "Just like you. Nightmares happen every night."

"No, they don't," says Miles, equally confused. "Don't get me wrong, they can do: after something big then sure, they're like that for a few weeks - a couple of months, even. But eventually they fall down to once, twice a week..."

Julian is looking at Miles incredulously. "That might be how it works for you," he says. "I guess my brain's different to yours. Mine don't stop, they just... mix. Change. Get confused with one another, eventually. I've had more dreams about being genetically modified by Sloan in the Dominion camp than I care to remember, you know?"

Miles' concern has turned into abject dismay. "You're saying you've had nightmares every single night since the Dominion took you?" he exclaims.

"Well, maybe not every single night!" retorts Julian, a little unsure what Miles is getting so het up about. "I do have some days when I don't... But yeah, pretty much. I've had nightmares most nights since I was fifteen, it's just how my brain processes stuff."

"Fifteen?"

...

A 34-year-old Julian who finds out that having nightmares every night for two decades is, apparently, "not normal" and something he should be seeking help for.

If Ezri comes back alive, he supposes he might take it up with her.

[just-a-ghost00]

Pick a main character & I'll give you 13 facts about your secret admirer [part 1]

Images found on Pinterest. Deck used : golden thread tarot.

Group 1

7 of swords, 5 of pentacles, King of cups, Empress

You have no idea who this person is because they've lied to you about their real intentions. You'd never suspect this person to admire you in secret.

This is someone that tends to get lonely and remains guarded around people. You never know what they think, who they truly are, what they want from you. They may be refered to as a "cold", "heartless" person.

You are not in contact with this person at the moment.

Despite how people may perceive them and their harsh exterior, this person is incredibly loving and caring. They are the safest person to be with and they wouldn't hurt a single soul.

They are either a heavily Scorpio or Taurus influenced person.

This person misses you dearly and wishes they could be closer to you.

Most people get scared of them because of their depth and intensity. They get wrongly accused of being a bad person or someone dangerous. Most people never see beyond the surface and keep them at arms length.

Despite their very bold demeanor and independent attitude, this person is very feminine in nature. They could give everything they have to the people they trust.

Once you gain this person respect, it is very hard to lose it. You must be the biggest piece of sh*t if you ever cross this person. Because the last thing they want to do is to hate on people and be in conflict with them.

This is someone that feels extremely lonely because most people don't understand them.

They are incredibly smart and witty but most people don't get to see that from them. People tend to underestimate them.

They are very protective of their loved ones and their private space. If you touch anyone they love, you're a d**d man.

They give the best hugs and can be very reassuring, comforting, nurturing. They also cook the best meals and enjoy baking. They are also very good in bed so whoever manages to win their heart will be very lucky.

Group 2

ace of wands, 5 of cups, king of wands, 10 of swords

They cannot stay in place. They always feel the need to wreack havoc, stir some trouble, put some spice in the pot. That includes bed time activities.

They got their heart broken more times than they can count. They tend to be deceived in love because they grant their trust too easily.

They have a bad temper and they can be pretty stubborn. But they're also extremely brave and communicative, they are not afraid to state their mind and say what needs to be said.

They have a very combattive, competitive spirit. They can't stand losing to someone else, whether it's in games or in life, especially when it comes to relationships.

They are jealous af. But also kinky af. It is hard to get them to stop once you've set them ablaze.

This person has gone through hell. It's a miracle they're still breathing. They're a force to be reckoned with and whoever messes with them is going to face retribution one way or another.

They are sooooo petty. They could wait for years to see a project come to fruition, even if it is painful and difficult, only to be able to prove everybody wrong.

They've struggled with depression and may still be going through it at the moment.

They are amazingly creative. This person is a wonder and they make people question their sanity sometimes. They can create anything out of nothing and often times get incredible ideas that make people go "where the heck do you get all these thoughts?!".

Speaking of thoughts, they got many of them. Too many for their own good. And most of them are R-rated. But they would never admit it.

This person enjoys sports of all kinds. But I'm specifically picking up on running and working out at the gym.

They're a huge flirt. They're "too sexy for their shirt". And one of the reasons why they often get in trouble is because they can't keep their eyes and their tongue in check. Basically, they have an "act first think later" type of mentality that isn't always beneficial to them.

They may have a lot of mood swings and have a hard time dealing with their emotions. One day they're super cheerful and friendly, the other they're gloomy and sarcastic. Or maybe they're just a Gemini. You never know which side of the coin you'll get.

Group 3

4 of cups, High Priestess, ace of pentacles, 10 of pentacles

This person is incredibly shy and reserved, so much so that not even their own family knows them. They are so secretive. Even psychics wouldn't be able to see their core.

Speaking of psychics, this person could be one. If not, they have the ability to but may not be aware of it.

They enjoy their own company and are not afraid to be alone. They are not used to mingling with people. The reason why they admire you remains a mystery to them.

They are very generous with their time, money, advice, care. They never look down on people and never take for granted what they have.

They are highly educated and/or come from a wealthy family. If not, they are well established and have built a life they can be proud of through constant effort, hard work and patience.

They are incredibly resilient and loyal to a fault. They're also very stubborn, opinionated and unwavering. Once they have an idea in mind it is hard to stop them.

This person has a very magnetic presence and they can be quite intimidating. But the curiousity always gets the best out of people. No matter who you are, you just simply can't ignore this person's aura.

Ironically, people would never expect this person to be as wealthy and well established as they are, as strong and determined as they are. This person is often times underestimated or overlooked. It's like they just can't accept that someone like them can be succesful. That may be because of their roots.

This person puts tradition and family above anything else. They give a lot of importance to rules and moral codes. They value dedication, authenticity and honesty.

They could be religious. Or at least they are spiritual. They make offerings and kindly give out anything they may own if that can be of help to others.

This person enjoys community work, sharing of knowledge and experience. They like to garden, cook and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

They fear rejection but they'd rather d** than admit it.

They have strong boundaries and won't settle for less than what they deem worthy of their attention. They're not afraid to step up and stand their ground, even if it may draw attention or make them look arrogant.

[cokou]

REDDIT POST

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞꒰➳precis. What Stone Ocean characters post about you on reddit.·˚ ·˚ ͟͟ tw. ehh, fluff I think? :3·˚ ·˚ ͟͟ ✉ an. i REALLYYY wanted to resume my reddit series, so i'd like to continue it on a diff fandom! Ermes' part is REALLY long LMAO.·˚ ༘₊· ·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞꒰ contains. Jolyne, Foo Fighters, Ermes, Weather Report, & Anasui·˚ ༘₊·

r/girlfriends Greenjolyne

Hi reddit, IT'S MY GIRLS BDAY, what the fuck should I get her?

I know what she likes, her favorite food, and any of the other things that are her forte. But the thing is, IT DOESNT FEEL ENOUGH!!!! what the hell should I add? I only want the best for her and I don't know what I should get her, it's currently 12:08 AM rn, I ALREADY wished her a happy birthday and she's offline. I wanted to take her out to a restaurant but it doesn't seem enough at all [crying GIF]

⬆︎ 809 ⬇︎ 19 💬comment ➦share

ghostlyporio 2h You should get her something that makes her happy :) | Greenjolyne 2h I DONT KNOW WHAT MAKES HER HAPPY!! yn.user 1h anything makes me happy jolyne :) | Greenjolyne 1h HOW DID YOU GET HERE??? 😥

r/water ilovewater.ff

(Photo of half emptied water)

Dont you guys just love water? It makes me angry when I see people wasting their water just for fun! 🤬 They make me wanna kill them! Water is so precious dont they know?!?!? @yn.user you would protect water with me right!?

⬆︎ 102 ⬇︎ 301 💬comment ➦share

weatherrep 6h Couldn't agree more i guess? | ilovewater.ff 4h THANK YOU!!! yn.user 5h FF please put the phone down 😭😭 | ilovewater.ff 3h No! I love promoting water equality🙂😚 miramira 1h or you could mind your own business. | ilovewater.ff 37m how dare you threaten water!

r/galpal smack.ermes

I'm honestly new here, i wanna rant about my girl because shes so pretty.

Oh my goodness, where do I even begin? To describe the beauty of my girlfriend feels like trying to capture the infinite vastness of the ocean with a single drop of water. She’s beyond what words can express, but I’m going to try, because she deserves all the praise and admiration in the world, even if no combination of adjectives or metaphors can do her justice.

Let’s start with her smile. Her smile isn’t just a facial expression, it’s a force of nature. It’s like the sun breaking through a cloudy sky, or the first breath of fresh air after a storm. The way her lips curve upward—gently, yet with an undeniable warmth lights up everything around her, like a beacon in the dark. Every time she smiles at me, it feels like the entire universe pauses for just a moment, giving me the privilege of basking in that perfect, radiant glow. It’s a smile that has the power to melt the hardest of hearts, to soften the edges of even the most difficult days. I could spend forever just lost in the wonder of it.

And then there are her eyes. Oh, her eyes… they’re the most captivating thing I’ve ever seen. They’re deep, like pools of mystery that draw me in with every glance. The color shifts in different lighting—sometimes they’re a stormy grey, like clouds just before rain, and at other times, they’re a brilliant shade of green, sparkling with mischief and warmth. When she looks at me, it’s as if she sees straight through to my soul, but with so much kindness and understanding that it never feels invasive, only comforting. Her eyes, with all their beauty, hold a depth of emotion and intelligence that leaves me in awe. They can be playful one moment, intense the next, and every expression in them tells a story that I’m eager to be a part of.

⬆︎ 19.7k ⬇︎ 10 💬comment ➦share

yn.user 23h MY BABY!! you are the sweetest i love you so much!! this is so adorable i can cry to sleep 😭😭 | smack.ermes 22h HOW DID YOU FIND MY ACCOUNT? THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING | yn.user 22h No it's not, it's so cute i love you so much Ermes !! (Liked by smack.ermes) GreenJolyne 20h I figured you'd be here after I saw you on your phone for 30 minutes straight just typing. (COMMENT WARNING) | smack.ermes 19h blocked.

r/adventures weatherrep

(picture of the sky)

It's pretty nice to go out and drive around with you. @yn.user

⬆︎ 675 ⬇︎ 1 💬comment ➦share

yn.user 9h I enjoyed the view weather :) it's really cute, i also had lots and lots of pictures of us! i'm posting it >v< | weatherrep 8h i'm happy that you liked it. | yn.user 8h Next time i'm the one who's bringing you to dates! (Liked by weatherrep) Imsexy.ana 7h FUCK YOU TWO, YOU MADE ME A THIRD WHEEL AND A DRIVER?!?! HOW ABSURD! IM GONNA KILL YOU WEATHER. (COMMENT WARNING) | weatherrep 6h i hope you enjoyed the ride aswell.

r/girlfriends Imsexy.ana

My girlfriend is beautiful inside and out. Her smile lights up the room, and her eyes carry a depth that captivates me. Her hair flows effortlessly, adding to her natural grace. But it’s her kindness, empathy, and warmth that truly make her remarkable. She has a way of making everyone feel valued, and her love brings peace and joy to those around her. Her beauty isn’t just in how she looks, but in the way she makes the world feel brighter.

⬆︎ 10.7k ⬇︎ 263 💬comment ➦share

yn.user 38m Is this your way of saying sorry to ME? | Imsexy.ana 37m Of course, i'm sorry. Please open the house door, it's getting cold out here. | yn.user 35m Fine, but say sorry to my face. | Imsexy.ana 34m WILL DO, thanks for letting me in. weatherrep 1h Shouldn't of let him in. | Imsexy.ana 37m FUCK YOU WEATHER YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE. (COMMENT WARNING)

·˚ ͟͟ ✉ an. HEHE, i hope you guys enjoyed LMAO. First updating after 3 months again lolsz:>

©Cokou 2024, all works belong to me.

[xinmin-exe]

Safe Wording with the League

League of Villains Reacting to You Safe Wording

Characters: Dabi, Shigaraki, Compress, Twice, Toga with female!reader

Warnings: overstimulation, biting kink, sir/master kink, role playing, dom/sub themes, sex toys, oral (female receiving), degradation, edging, begging(?) , mentions of knife and blood play, alluding to past traumas (let me know if I missed warnings)

Note: practice safe sex, and talk about safe words and boundaries if you need to

Dabi

Dabi and you typically have fairly intense sex anyways

But tonight, dabi and you were going pretty hard

Dabi had been eating you out for a while now

“What a little slut, can’t even handle my teasing”

By this point, you had cum more times than you could count, crying and overstimulated

“No more.. please” but all dabi did was smirk before assaulting your swollen cunt even more

You tried pushing his head away but his grip on your thighs only tightened

Before dabi could even come up with some snarky remark, you safe worded out

He almost didn’t hear you, almost

But he did, and stopped before sitting up and looking at your crying face

He didn’t know how to feel, you had never safe worded before and hell if he knew what to do

He got up and left to get a rag to help clean you up and got you come clothes and blankets

Once he was finished, he got you a glass of water and sat next to you on the bed

“Need anything else?” His eyes were planted on your crying face as you tried to form a sentence

You sleepily shook your head as Dabi settled into bed next to you and wrapped an arm around you

Shigaraki

Shigaraki liked to play the Master with you as a servant or maid, or even sometimes a pet

Tonight was no different, but unlike the other times Shigaraki was already having a bad day 

Unfortunately for you, it meant taking his anger out on you while doing the deed 

Now, neither of you have ever shied away from degradation before but something about Shigaraki’s tone made it feel real 

Like he actually saw you as all the things he claimed you were and that was too much 

The moment he heard you safe word, his body stopped and his mind raced 

Did he do something wrong? Were you okay?? 

Almost immediately his hand reached down to your cheek/neck as he pulled out and pulled you into a sitting position

For once in his life he felt like the world ended 

He didn’t know what to say, but he knew how to take care of you and that’s what he did 

cleaning you up and making sure you were warm and in all the clothing you found the most comfortable

The night ended with the two of you wrapped up in each other 

you both had a serious talk in the morning about what happened and how to prevent it later in life 

Mr. Compress

Out of all of the people in the league, Compress knew where the line in the sand was, even without you two talking about boundaries 

He had a couple partners in the past that had become sexual and given his theatrical personality, he always made sure to talk about safe words and the such 

You were no different and he valued your input and your opinions

You had used your safe word in the past so he knew what you needed

But he is a gentleman first and foremost so he cleaned you up carefully before tending to other things

Need a bath? He’s already getting out your favorite candles

Need some time to recover and decompress? Done! He’s right there, holding you and letting you do your thing in comfortable silence

Need reassurance? This man has you covered. He’ll praise you and promise you that you did nothing wrong and that he’s proud of you for safe wording

Overall, compress is the best person to safe word with

Twice

With twice, it’s a bit difficult to get intimate with him

Yes, he finds you attractive (who wouldn’t find you attractive??) but with his spilt personality it can be hard

But you don’t mind the challenge, and even encourage both of “him” to engage in play

While this is a bit tricky to navigate the first coupes of times, you do get the hang of it.

Though, sometimes his other side does take it too far

Sometimes even going as far as making twice stop what he’s doing and blurts out something along the lines of “you can never be good enough for us”

And it’s those times when you safe word, which trigger twice into a protector mode

He immediately rushes over to you, gently cradling your head and asking what’s wrong

You two always find yourselves having a long chat that ends with soft kisses and the best cuddles

Toga

Toga doesn’t know what safe words are

Hell, she may not but just doesn’t care

But she cares with you, she cares so much for you and your safety

She even has dull, blunt knives to use with you

She always ensures that you are okay with her biting you or using a knife with you

And, you two have a wonderful, pleasureful experience

Until today, when everything was piling up and up and up until all you could feel was your worries and anxieties

Toga tried to use pleasure as a way to help you destress, which usually worked

But today it had the opposite effect and it only heightened your anxiety

When you safe worded, toga couldn’t believe what she had just heard

She felt.. betrayed almost, she was just trying to help you!

So she left, leaving you to try and clean up by yourself

But compress saw her upset and upon figuring out, told her what to do and how to help

She came back, albeit begrudgingly, and helped clean you up and get you warm

It took a couple of days for her to even talk to you after that, but once you explained what happened she went back to her bubbly, homicidal self.

[grison-in-space]

You know, I've been reading things written by people on the internet for my whole life, or at least my whole life after I was about ten. I'm thirty three now. That means there are people whose words I read on the internet twenty years ago who are presumably still around and occupying the internet—sometimes using names I can recognize from back then, too. (hat tip to my fellow "changing usernames is unnatural actually" brethren; I've only changed one myself twice in the whole world since I was about fourteen or fifteen.)

Sometimes I think about a person I see around occasionally on the internet. That person wrote a story about a character in a rather silly fandom we shared, and I read it as a child just beginning to conceptualize being someone whose opinions might matter. And I remember reading that story at some point, because at that age I had a hyperfixation on that character in that fandom at that time and I read pretty much everything in the genre. I never really got to talk to anyone but the inside of my head about it. My friends didn't read fanfiction, and my parents viewed my reading fanfiction as some kind of depraved, shameful secret. Anyway, I read that story and I remember having some kind of deep realization about how adult humans work while I was reading it.

I learned something about the world from that story. (It was one of those insights that are now so molten alongside my core that it's difficult for me to disentangle them from myself, like "people outside you have their own perspective on your behaviors, but that doesn't mean they have to be right.") And I remember that they know it, because they taught it to me, without meaning to. One of the anonymous impacts on readers that writers never see unless they're extraordinarily lucky.

And I smile, because it's lovely to see them again, and they showed me a skill I still use today. We don't have a relationship of any kind—it would be very difficult to recognize me, I think—but they did me a favor a long time ago. And I remember. Now I get to be reminded that this person still exists, and is still a pretty cool human to be around today, at least for the specific circumstance of internet neighbor. Well, and our modern level of concern about once beloved elders from the distant past going terrifyingly cult-addled and bigoted on short notice.

That has not happened in the slightest. They're just still a pretty nice fandom person who is a bit older than me, who is recognizably the same person they have always been, but more intensely and thoughtfully—like a distilled brandy, not a sour vinegar left out on a countertop too long.

Weirdly, that's a thing I find comforting: this tiny, one way, invisible affection. Every so often I feel this intense affection for a person I've never spoken to or about, because I see them and I love them intensely for a moment and then we both go about our days.

Think about how many interactions you have with people as you go about your day. Wouldn't it be nice to imagine that other people feel like that about you?

I think I'm going to imagine that there's one person that read something I said and thinks that about me. I don't need to ever actually know if it's true: I can just imagine someone who happened to be at a formative moment when they learned something against the background of my words. We'll never know each other as our screennames are lost along the years and we move in and out of touch with parts of ourselves, but we still have that little fond impact on one another, those fingerprints in one another's clay.

It's a nicer world to imagine than the one where no one is paying attention to me, or the only people paying attention to me are mean. And there's really no way to ever know for sure, so why not inhabit the pleasant end of the imaginatory pool if you can?

[tokoyamisstuff]

nsfw hcs for the priest please, if that's okay for you

ya dirty lil' heathens...👀

gn! Reader I general smut/kink warning

A/N: clearing out my drafts to distract myself while on bedrest. so don't be shy, keep the requests coming!

Oh, he's very difficult to convince.

It took an eternity only to accept his feelings for you, but even then he never took it any further than hugging, hand-holding or occasionally a chaste kiss.

Sexuality is highly condemned due to his strict religious background. So he kinda feels like he'd taint you, and he simply values you too much for that.

The temptation definetly is there, though, and it's driving him crazy. His mind constantly wanders off to impure ideas, even without much of your own intervention. Feels very conflicted about it and needs lots of reassurement.

Is most likely demisexual, meaning his physical attration is inevitably tied to his emotional attachment. And since he's hopelessly, completely and utterly in love with you...

Hesitates not only because of his chastity, but this man could quite literally break you like a twig. He always loses his self-restraint when he gets too excited during fights, and figures lust has the same effect. Not that he has any proof, but he's not eager to find out the hard way.

Additionally that man is so touch-starved, he gets turned on by basically anything. Little to no effort from your side involved. Stare at him lovingly for a while and he gets a hard-on. Straddle his lap or kiss him a little more intense and you instantly feel his reaction press to your stomach. Will carefully lift you off of him and preach about your poor seduction attempt, sadly.

Since praying those fantasies away doesn't work he'll resort to masturbating as the lesser evil. Turns out that makes his horniness even worse. Starts disappearing randomly a lot, when it's too much to take - sometimes even mid sermon - and people start to get worried.

Still, that man has an incredible willpower. I feel like you'd need to find the perfect moment for him to give in to his desire, maybe when you caught him in the act or another very vulnerable moment.

Once he finally bends it's like you've opened the Box of Pandora. Man's insateable.

Sneaks his hands under your clothes at every opportunity just to feel your skin, even in public or among others. He's very skilled at going unnoticed. Will pull you into the next secluded place just to violently make out and touch you. Super scared to be caught in the act though.

Everything about that man is huge, but he's incredibly careful and preps you well so don't worry.

Is actually pretty insecure about his body? Pretty sure there's a dad bod under that robe, and he's not the youngest anymore. Kiss his scars and hell whimper. Melts at any praise or affection you offer.

Your body however? Magnificent. Divine. A perfect creation by god. No matter what, everything about it is perfect.

Opposite to public consensus I think he'd never wanna use anything related to his religion or priesthood, it's simply too sacred to him...but on the other hand so are you. Loves worship of your body and soul with both words and actions.

Not very willing to experiment, since the bible doesn't allow anything besides the standard babymaking procedures. At least man's flexible and strong, so you'll be able to try out many different positions.

For the same reason as above, he always finishes inside of you and loves to see the mess he's made. Forbids you from cleaning up and makes you walk around with his cum dripping from your legs.

Easily comes in general, but he's a walking powerhouse and can go as many rounds as you like.

It's not like he doesn't have any other fantasies, he's just very ashamed of them.

Kinda somnophiliac? There's just something innocent about you lying so peacefully next to him that makes his mind go blank. You'll often wake up with his cock buried between your thighs. Always says something like god doesn't look so closely upon sleeping sinners.

Will absolutely implement his other interests in the bedroom, once he gets more comfortable. For example roleplaying that he hunts you down...at some point won't be able to use a bayonet anymore without getting hard. Awkward for his real enemies lol

Has a lot of pent up anger and if youre into that too, he'd love punishment games. Choking, spanking, hair pulling, nothing too wild. Also does vile dirty talk, you'd be shocked the words coming out of this holy priest's mouth. He's a gentle giant, but if you like it too he's definetly able to fuck you as if he hates you. Not a must, though.

Seems to make him way more even-tempered to put his negative energy into making you cum your brains out.

Is a tad bit masochistic too, maybe due to his regeneration. Loves the feeling of your fingernails digging into his back or thighs, drawing blood. Will go insane if you bite him.

Prays before or after and sometimes even during the act. It's still sinful after all.

Expect sublime aftercare. Your well-being is his utmost priority. Also, lots of cuddles! He definetly wants to be the small spoon.

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

“Their bodies fitting together like they always were intended to become one.” - with my pookie…u already know him…pretty please…

✮ tags ; gn + afab!reader (use of word cunt), dry-humping (my dearly beloved), purple prose about astarions general neediness, smut is very light but there so 18+

✮ a/n ; sorry about this tumblr user nanamimizz. dont yell at me

The tightness in Astarion's chest takes permanent residency. Love is, decidedly, not for him.

He lets his eyes wash over your expression in the moonlight. Your own are blown wide, tinged with embarrassment about the state of affairs. Astarion would prefer to tease you about this. Make an off-handed comment about such a thing, the kind that leaves you pouting and huffing. You like when he does this, calls to your own bids for connection. Makes you feel desired. The kind of thing that gives him an edge over you.

But he can't, at least not tonight. His own expression would betray him instantly he knows, because it has been a long time since he's seen you. He's glad to have saved the world, glad to have been at risk of a parasitic infection. He met you during that.

But your likeness becoming the cities strength takes more of a toll on him than he cares to admits. Sometimes he won't see you for a tenday, and you can only return to each other briefly. In moments like those, it's difficult for Astarion to think clearly. He allows himself to wash away in your attention. To lay in it quietly, without taking.

He is strangely afraid of his desires. It's something that's easy to forget, somehow. Odd, since Astarion knows so clearly what he does not want. Wanting is a different affair. Desire is something so heavy he cannot shoulder it on his own, despite thinking he understood his so well.

Astarion cannot put any specifics to the intangible desires. He wants you somehow. In some way that makes his own body feel hot despite running so cold.

It's not lust. Just want. No more than want. A want to take.

A want so intense, he can't muster up the words to cause you fluster or strife. Even as a student of deception, the desire to be entangled with you is so great the words do not make it out.

Your hand reaches for his shoulder, squeezes thoroughly as you lay underneath him. The firelight warms you, casts a gold to your skin that makes his breath hitch.

"You're staring an awful lot," You say, a characteristic coquettish quality in your voice that Astarion only really likes on you "Is something the matter?"

"It's been a long while, my dear." He replies, raking his eyes over you. Eyes wide and... beautiful and perhaps easy "I wondered if you'd abandon me,"

"Please don't say such a terrible thing," You scoff, frowning "As if I could do something like that."

Right. As if you could.

"Is something on your mind?," You ask, noticing his distance "I'm more than happy to just lay with you."

"And leave you high and dry? Surely you don't think so little of me, darling?" He proclaims, dramatic and overstated. He masks his fondness, waits till your giggling with your eyes closed to smile "It's fine. Really."

You mumble something of him being sure. He tries not to let it bury him, instead opting to shift you until your legs are more open. Until he can press himself against your clothed sex, his own cock pressed. Hard and desperate against the warm, wet outline of your cunt. You squeak, nearly try to shuffle away.

But Astarion holds your hips, lets himself rut into you. He sinks into the desire, into his own want - sucking air between the sharp space between his teeth as you moan so desperately from the friction. That friction alone could bring you to orgasm makes his head feel light

. Over and over, until you're whining so beautifully. Like you need him.

Maybe Astarion can list one of his desires. He likes when you need him, at least half as much as he needs you.

"Like I told you so valiantly," His breath is shorter as he wraps your legs around his waist, lets his teeth brush against your neck "It's fine. I'm more interested in this."

You whine, your eyes fluttering open - mouth widened like you'll drool from so little. Terribly sensitive to the touch, Astarion can't help but push his hips up into you again. Desire to make you needy, make you feel pleasure that he knows he is able to provide. He can give you this much.

Your bodies fit together so perfectly. Limbs entangled and twined together between long, panting breaths. Like they were also so perfectly intended to lock with each other, become one in a way he damn near finds righteous.

You look up at him with a look so dazed he laughs in how sorry he feels. His hand grips around your waist, face buried into your shoulder.

"Don't fret, my love," He hums, soft "I can't wait much longer than this, either."

[tarotnoob]

Poll result: JK reading April 12, 2025, 2:51 p.m.

kind of surprised that people voted for JK because I've done several JK readings lately but always happy to read for him. Please see below.

Also before I begin, can we just talk about how I did that reading for RM and then 5 hours later he posted. I had the weirdest inclination to read for him and then I felt like he was going to post so soon. But besides that, I felt like his energy stayed with me until I went to sleep. And it was the most amazingly confident male privilege kind of energy. I was like do men feel like this all the time? I didn't want it to go away.

Moving on. Let's talk about the spread that I got for JK. I asked about 2025, particularly from now on until after enlistment. I don't want to be too intrusive so we'll talk about love as a topic but I won't try to see anything in particular or if I do, I won't share. But we can talk about things because I've expressed in a previous reading about his love language.

Things I want to remember before I begin is when I looked at the seven of pentacles at the back of the deck, I started saying I've been waiting for a girl like you. I want to remind myself of that in case something comes up.

That could also be his penchant for singing about things as they are happening. I don't know if you do this where you might be cooking or something and you start singing about spaghetti because you're making spaghetti. I've noticed that he does this already as a habit. And yet when he does it it's always related to something happening in that moment. And so I feel like there's this really intense feeling of anticipation and eagerness to get to work. And to start doing things from a new beginning.

I almost feel like he's basically chomping at the bit to get out of military to get back to work. I think that they will express this after they get out, but I think for him it's been pretty difficult. Because it's monotonous and it's taken time away from work. I don't think he is bitter or anything. I think it was difficult but I don't think you'll hear him complaining about how hard it was. At least not publicly.

I feel like the ten of wands is what is kind of representing that feeling of the past 18 months but we do have a couple of tens here and then we have an ace of cups, so there's definitely this feeling of okay we're finally at the finish line and it's going to be a fresh start, I can start working, I can start getting organized, we can start getting back into some type of system. And by system I mean like a feeling of normalcy. Like that kind of different schedule of whatever BTS will have to do to to adjust from that military regimen to that similar kind of disciplined work regimen.

I think that he's going to be a little tight-lipped for a bit. Or a little bit out of communication because the cards sometimes did not want to come out almost like it was being held in. There were a couple of decks that came out quick but for the most part, I don't know if he still needs to get his thoughts together on something or there will be this moment of protecting his energy and protecting his thoughts and not really letting anything out. That doesn't mean he might not do lives, I just mean he will be holding back. Or is currently holding back.

Because I do see the five of wands, that could be related to not wanting to stir up any drama or not wanting to start any unnecessary conflict at the moment because he's focusing on other things. Not that he really stirs up drama on his own but I mean I think he's going to withdraw purposely so that anything he says or does won't be specifically linked to any kind of Internet drama or whatever.

In terms of timeline it's interesting that the emperor and the hierophant came out since that's the current timing. So that's why I think that some things are just a little bit difficult for him right now mostly because he's right at the edge of being able to do what he wants. Maybe these months have been a little bit slower than the other months. I do wonder if there will be a bit of an adjustment period for him in the next several months. Like up until the Virgo time period.

Something else that I noticed because the first card I pulled was the cactus card. And I feel like from that what I got is this is somebody who is able to sustain themselves in even the driest environment. Like even if it's difficult, he can adapt in some way. The back of the deck was also lotus so this makes me think of two flowers that are able to survive in an environment that might seem unpleasant. One lives kind of in a bog while the other lives in a dry desert. And yet they still are able to persevere. This might be something that he's imagined during his time in the military.

Like even how do I want to put it because I think in his mind it's almost artistic in the way that he's envisioning it but not being conscious of the fact that how he's thinking about it is rather poetic. Or maybe he really is visualizing himself in terms of a flower because it's actually like the simplest way to explain a complex concept right. How can we say something as complicated as okay I went through this difficult thing and yet I was able to persevere and not just that but something beautiful came out of it. That was a lot of words whereas he seems like the type of artist that instead of using words like RM, he might understand visual concepts better. Which is probably why he gravitates toward video

I don't think he realizes that that in itself is a pretty cool talent that maybe only visual artists have or even writers. Where you have this feeling or an idea and instead of it coming out through words, it comes out through an image in your mind. So what I'm saying is you know he might feel this way right and he can't articulate it necessarily, but in his mind suddenly he's imagining a lotus or a cactus because that's the symbol of what this feels like.

I think that probably also is something that I hadn't really thought of in terms of his artistic take on things. I mean I know he said that video is the simple way of showing something without any room for guessing. Like that's how he explained it but I think there's more to that. And maybe he hasn't been able to tap into this in terms of songwriting. I know he has said things like in are you sure where he doesn't have a lot of thoughts. But I think it's because he's comparing himself to other members who write. But the truth is you can learn to write around a concept.

Back in the days when I wrote a lot of fiction online, I would use music. Granted, I could be inspired by moments in a movie. Kind of like how jimin wrote a song based around a movie that he watched. And I'm sure JK can kind of do this, where he could listen to music and have an image in his mind and then that inspires something that plays out in his head like a movie and then he could write lyrics based around that. Maybe that's why he's been able to do a couple of soundtrack songs because okay now he has a vision and something that he can write to. Between you and me one of my favorite songs that he's done is that one for that comic thing that I didn't even read. And yoongi wrote it.

Anyway, point being is besides that take on the cactus card, with the ace of cups, I am kind of getting that similar feeling of finding some type of Hope or refreshing moment in even the most difficult times. Almost like inspiration. Not just having the time to think about things and get inspired but the moment in self being what is inspiring.

So I do think that at this moment or shortly very shortly, he is going to be inspired about getting to work. But not just getting to work, I do get the sense that there is a specific project that if he already hasn't started as a solo project that he's already started working with maybe with jimin to contribute to the next BTS album. Or maybe even both. Because I definitely have the sense that there are solid things already in the works.

I feel like it's non-stop thinking and talking about songs or albums or whatever. When they said that all they do is talk about the future, I am feeling almost exhausted by the amount of talking they do about this. Like the people around them even if they're like yay BTS members are in our bunk or whatever, they're also like damn do they ever shut up about this stuff. Because when I look at the ten of pentacles here, I feel like this is two people who are constantly yapping about work. Every little pentacle is like a dialogue bubble about work. And it's almost like the dogs and that guy sitting on the bench are just exhausted listening to them.

I think maybe that's a good thing for both of them but particular for JK to be able to articulate what he wants from work and his expectations and working on specific projects. I think constantly talking about it and then getting to the finish line is what's really kind of ramping up his excitement about getting back to work on music.

Let's kind of move on to some of the oracle cards cuz I could probably keep going. We have goodbye to the old and hello to the new which I think also fits this kind of crazy anticipatory energy. It says you've finished one part of your life and now a new and even better part is beginning. And that definitely ties in with this ace of cups and the lotus and the cactus. We also have holiday the answer you're looking for can be found during a vacation, retreat, or holiday getaway.

I think in general this doesn't have to specifically be a holiday but just the idea of finally having freedom. But since the cards often mean multiple things at once, I would venture to guess that when he gets out, he might go on a brief vacation or holiday or even BTS as a whole once they go out we'll kind of go on a holiday to have a bit of a reunion and kind of bond and talk about projects. It's also interesting that in the holiday card, purple is a very strong color there so definitely I'm more definitely getting the impression that it's all of the members.

So I wouldn't be surprised if over the summer, we hear about them going to a private place and just working on stuff. I would actually suggest that not to be specific on where they're going but because of this goodbye to the old hello to the new and there's so many flowers and it feels like summer, they might go somewhere that's by water or you know it doesn't have to be out of Korea but it's a place that would be experiencing summer right now with flowers and Bloom, maybe there's a lake nearby, if they go out of Korea it would be somewhere more tropical and warm looking but like I don't know why they would need to do that unless they're doing bon voyage somewhere. But yeah it's interesting that in both of those cards the figures are kind of darker in skin color and wearing white and purple. So this is definitely something that will take place during the summer.

We also have more timing in terms of new moon and Leo, which says shine and then followed by a Virgo card that says assess the situation. So clearly things will be happening I think from this time until Virgo that will be interesting or the cards that I have right now are basically dealing with things that will happen in that time frame for JK.

It's interesting that there's a lot of emphasis on flowers here for me. I think in July, that's when he might come out more of being hidden away like I was talking about. Where it felt like he was holding back so expect around the Leo time, for him to be more active either on social media or even releasing something or doing some type of performance. But definitely during Leo time, he has to be coming out with something.

Assess the situation is interesting because there's also a do some research card at the back of the deck and then this one card that talks about finances and career that says financial issues are a factor in your love life right now.

So maybe around the time where the Virgo season is happening, there could be something that comes up. I'm not sure what it is because it's not very clear to me. I almost feel like the seven of pentacles is also involved in this. But it's I guess because it's so personal I don't really know what it is. But there is the sense of figuring something out. I can tell you that it has to do with mature adult issues beyond what JK normally thinks about. I don't know what that could be. Maybe that's because I can't relate to it. This could be something that only really rich successful people deal with like finances, investments, contracts, stuff that is serious in that kind of nature that only he would know about or people on his level would know about. And there will be a moment where he kind of needs to figure that stuff out.

It's weird how it feels so serious but I mean of course he's also still a business person, so he deals with this whole other realm of things that most of us won't really know unless we are that famous. It doesn't really feel attached to BTS. In terms of contracts you know. It feels like higher than that. But it's not quite investments or property. It does feel long-term. I just don't know what that would be? I'm too poor to understand. It almost feels like someone thinking of taking on a bigger role in a company. You know like if somebody knows that they are going to shift into a CEO position.

So maybe within the company or even related to the industry, he's going to step into some kind of important role. I can tell you that it's not because somebody gives it to him, I feel like it's something he's been considering and wants to do and I don't feel like there's a lot of worry about it. Almost as if somebody wanted to step up to manage something. Anyway. You get the idea. So even if it's not within his own company, but what else would it be, I feel like you'll hear by fall that he will take a bigger step up in terms of work and responsibility. Or okay maybe this is an agenda. Like you know when somebody has a cause and then they start a charity or start a platform. What comes to mind might be an agency or setting up policies that protect younger artists or protect artists in general more in terms of protecting them from businesses who would take advantage of them.

I get a good feeling about that. But I also feel like that could stir up some interesting conflict so we'll see.

I just like how I feel when I think about it because he feels so determined and so sure and so in the right place as in like it's coming from a self-righteous but not pompous kind of thing. It's just so I'm going to do this. I believe in this.

Let's talk about the love cards. It does say romantic feelings. Your feelings are real and worth exploring. The back of the deck says soulmate yes this is your soulmate. And then we have the finances and career, financial issues are a factor in your love life right now. I won't speak about any particular people but let me give you a scenario of what that says even though I think it's obvious.

I would guess that he has feelings for somebody. I would say that not to say it will be difficult but obviously his career will have an influence on that relationship whether he talks about it or it's open. I would guess that he would consider that person to be very compatible and maybe like a soulmate to me it doesn't feel like a new connection. Because it feels very deep and mature. The finances in career I'm definitely pinning to the seven of pentacles though. So I just all of the times that he has said that he focuses on work, I do think that's true. I think him having a relationship is definitely particularly influenced by his career.

I don't think that would be a surprise to anybody. Some other things that I can talk about that I get just from these few cards would be he's very romantic. I think he's very physically affectionate when he's with somebody. Like touching constantly, likes kissing, likes romance, probably very much likes foreplay, likes to please his lover. I think his ideal date would be being somewhere intimate and not a lot of people, particularly just having somebody come to his house. They watch TV, they listen to music, they make dinner there.

I think he loves the idea of just having intimate time with just himself and the other person. I feel like he hasn't been able to obviously experience those types of intimate moments as much as he could outside of military. So there is also anticipation in being able to have those moments with someone again. We can also talk about his taste based on these cards that I'm seeing and I'm looking at the romantic feelings and soulmate cards just looking at the images right.

So you can look at them and you can see that's where I got this concept of intimacy. These couples are pretty much alone, they look very much in love, his partner seems to be very classy, sexy, beautiful. The kind of person that a Renaissance painter would paint and find beautiful and lovely and charming. What's interesting too is that in each of the images, the couple's hair matches. So he would definitely want to do the usual Korean thing of kind of matching clothes and even hair to his person.

I think for Western people this is a strange concept, but when I went to Korea this past summer, and I actually saw it I was like okay. It's weird to me. I don't really understand it fully. If couples did that in the US, it would be kind of corny. But that's just like a couple coded thing that people do there. And it works for them, so that's fine. His partner would be elegant. want to say like demir and have these really lovely feminine qualities.

But I want to tell you that even if that's true and the person he's with is very elegant and classy and beautiful, this feels like a projection and a fantasy that he's putting forward. This is how he envisions his partner and his love life... It's very romanticized. Just like how I was talking about how his creative process is to envision something or he has to envision something in a certain way. Like into symbolic visual representations of whatever he's feeling

That's the same here so there's like this fantasy or projection about romance and love that feels very pride and prejudice. Whether or not this is how his real life romantic life lives out, this is what his ideal is. Flowers and romantic ambiance and physical affection and intimacy and being somehow connected to that person in an obvious way whether it's matching clothes or hair.

In terms of taking the lead, yeah for the most part well I guess if you look at the cards which my finance card flew under my coffee table so that's interesting oh wait no that was the romantic feelings one. That's interesting that it flew under and I was thinking of the closet but anyway. Regardless of his interests, I mean you just know that there's a feeling of needing to keep romantic feelings under the wraps. Or maybe he struggles actually with keeping those feelings hidden. Maybe he thinks it's unfair that idols can't express those things about relationships so openly.

But yeah let's talk about some stuff right. I think he likes kissing an awful lot. I think his favorite parts are going to be the waist and I know that's weird but that's where this guy is holding this one woman and then maybe like the shoulder clavicle region or I should say like the neck. I'm sure there are other places he likes as well but we don't need to talk about that. I'm getting more of the romantic version of things, not the sexual things. And that's more his business.

I would be really curious to know the things that in an intimate moment and I don't mean during sex, I mean during kissing or making out and in this ideal intimate setting, the two couples seem to be talking like whispering to each other and sharing something intimate. And he seems really engaged and even turned on by that. So I guess you could infer that some type of I don't want to say dirty talk because that might be a thing but that's not what I'm getting here. I'm getting more like praise. He might have a praise kink or he gives that to somebody. I know that's a joke sometimes in the BTS fandom, but I mean literally I'm seeing this woman maybe complimenting him or saying something sweet and complimentary and this is really doing it for him.

So sure he may like to give out compliments or have a dirty mouth himself. But what is really effective on him is praise. Sweet things. Feeling reassured. And it doesn't come from a place of what some might think in terms of how do I want to put it. Like a fantasy of BDSM or anything. And that could be a whole other topic. We're just talking about general intimate times.

What really makes him feel good is that praise and knowing that he is loved and also the times where he is being taken care of as in his feelings are being considered and he can be open and himself and talk and say whatever he wants and that person is really present and listening to him. Like this really does something for him. I don't know if it turns him on per se, and I don't know if he's even aware of how much this is important to him. But like inside me, I feel like I have these crazy fireworks going off at the thought of just being with the person that I love, we're sitting on the couch in like the basement, maybe there's a romantic movie on and in the background or some music. And we're just together. And that person is telling me like just the sweetest things about how much they enjoy being with me or I don't know. It's very warm and it's very sweet and I'm kind of jelly.

And that's what he wants to project now. He's not projecting anything raunchy. And we don't really need to know the details of his sex life other than I'm sure he is very giving. But end game, no matter what, he is envisioning that he wants to end up with his soulmate. That's his fantasy.

What else would you want to know about? I think the mindful and hope cards are pretty much what I've already talked about. I think he is currently being a little bit more mindful of the things that he puts out especially on social media. I also do think the Hope card is similar in that there's hope for the future and more than that I'm getting like that feeling of inspiration. There's a pumpkin in the picture which makes me think of the fall. It could literally be that he's working on a project with j-hope that maybe would be released around October. Or if not that then like I told you about that project. Or charity or platform maybe we'll hear more about that in the fall. It could even be like some type of platform or donation to raise food for something or some type of bigger cause like that.

And maybe that ties into mindful as well he's going to be even more generous with charities and get involved in more platforms and be thinking more about these complex things going on in the world than he has before.

I just think going back to that Virgo card about assess the situation on top of thinking about work and songs and stuff there have been a lot of conversations and times to think about bigger issues and more complex things happening in the world and what JK thinks about those things.

We haven't really talked about the tarot even though I kind of brought them in. Again I think there have been some struggles along the 18-month journey here of being in the military. I think it was especially difficult for him because he probably doesn't really like routines like this and being told what to do and but I mean he managed fine. I also see in these cards definitely a lot of working out and maybe even like learning some hand-to-hand combat or competitive things that would have happened with the other military people.

Besides seeing the ten of wands as being just about a difficulty that has kind of lasted for a bit of time, I'm also seeing this as somebody who's literally gotten bigger and has been lifting all this weight. Same with the five of wands, besides there being kind of you know some conflict going on, I see that as competitive things that are happening. Friendly competitions or other conflicts that we may never even learn about unless he shares them.

Eight of pentacles, besides working hard while in the military, I'm seeing this as part of the ear to get back to work on songs or having already been working on that kind of stuff. The emperor and the hierophant to me are mostly about the timing of Aries and Taurus which are now. So this could be just the thoughts and feelings that I've described in this reading so far are kind of blanketing that time... So like it's still difficult, he's still working hard in the military, he's doing competitive things there, he is probably working on music. I feel like he has become more organized and disciplined in the way that he performs work.

But I think this is just describing his situation in the military if we're going by timing. I do think that there is Hope on the horizon for him, when you see this ace of cups. It's also getting him excited about being creative, I feel like he's also seeing getting out of the military as an opportunity to start over. It also might be a next step in terms of any romantic relationships that are happening. Like a new step in that area as well.

Ten of pentacles, I also see he might have a new outlook on health as well as you know obviously this being related to work or family. I just feel like he's going to get out of here and have this whole new perspective at least at first about how much he appreciates his freedom. I think he'll be working on this new health plan. He might have like a new health kick regarding how he eats. I almost felt like maybe he'll give up smoking too. I f****** hate that he smokes it makes me so mad. I don't care what anybody says. Lung cancer is one of the top reasons why people die in South Korea because smoking is so pervasive among their youth. I saw it with my own eyes and it made me so sad.

So he might be considering a more healthy lifestyle. Food changes, working out changes, the smoking things. I feel like he's going to become more conscientious about health. We have a Virgo card and the ten of pentacles often relates to health. So again I feel like he's assessing things related to being healthy or what it means to be healthy. At least I hope or he might even get a doctor who says in the near future you know you really need to do this or that

There might suddenly be something that he can't do diet wise anymore if it's like gluten or dairy. I feel like that's going to become more serious and he'll have to be more strict with how he does certain things. I know this is minor but something about water. The ace of cups being offered next to a health card and somebody who is giving advice like the hierophant definitely makes me feel that it could be about drinking more water or some medical thing related to hydration or needing to take a type of medicine. But anyway just more thoughts about being healthier in terms of his body.

And if this hasn't happened already it could be that it happens more around the Virgo time where something does come up with his health and he has to really think about his future. And I am getting that if he doesn't know about it yet which he probably has encountered some dietary restrictions in the past few years, it could be that and Virgo time something more serious comes in about that and he has to manage that or it could even be he's diagnosed with something and takes on that platform of making people more aware of whatever this thing is.

Like when people get sickle cell and then they want to talk about that. I don't know if it's health or if it will be that business related thing that I talked about but I do feel like he's going to be stepping up more to take on a platform individually. I'm not talking about just BTS doing United Nations that kind of thing I'm talking about JK supporting some type of platform that is meaningful to him specifically. Either related to health stuff or related to taking care of young artists or even both. He's thinking about it now I think but he's not ready to open up about things quite yet but from the end of July to late September or even into early fall, expect something like that.

Let's see in terms of numbers, I guess I see two fives and two tens... So in terms of numbers, there's emphasis on cycles and completing things as well as changes and challenges and difficulty. That could speak mostly about this military journey though because clearly that cycle is coming to an end and I imagine it wasn't super easy. But I do think that cycle is coming to an end and like that one card says goodbye to the old hello to the new.

In terms of colors, there's a lot of purple which is tied to both the crown and if you call it indigo then we could also say it's like your third eye type stuff so spirituality is big here as well as the color red which usually is about stability and structure which is pretty typical of an earth sign. There's also a lot of yellow so solar plexus and being confident there's a little bit of blue running through as well that would have to do with communication. Because the blue is so little I do wonder if this is tied to holding back about communicating certain things.

My guess is it's more coming from a place of needing to be responsible about something...

And even where there is blue, it's cards like ten of wands and the five of wands so I do think there is some type of difficulty in being able to communicate as openly as he wants to or even finding the time to communicate. Maybe particularly because he doesn't feel comfortable talking about what he's really feeling and that could be a military thing or it could be a part of the not wanting to start extra drama or conflict saying anything like really emotionally vulnerable or serious right now.

I think the focus has just been on being authentic in other ways and thinking about complex topics even if he's not aware of it and grounding himself in other ways. I think a lot of this is a natural process that he hasn't consciously been thinking about or realizing though he's aware of it. I think it's been a bigger transformation for him than he is even aware of now. It might be that once he steps out of the military headspace, he might see how much he got out of that situation or how much he learned about himself or the world or other people.

But I think that you will see that he's changed a lot once we are able to view him in public situations or more lives, I think you will see a noticeable maturity in him. I think he won't be as like I don't know I think he'll be a little bit more reserved to start. And I think that he's going to be more careful about his word choices from now on and be even more subtle than he probably already is and trying to get things through to his fans. Except for around Leo season, he might get a little wild for some reason or do something or at least be out there maybe it's just performing. And you might see something to do with sunflowers. That's really random but I often associate sunflowers with him anyway. He always carries around a lot of Leo energy with him even though I don't really think it's much in his chart

Except maybe his moon but

So I don't really see anything else but I feel stands out and that is a fair amount. I'm really anxious to see what happens for him in the fall and what he decides to become a champion of. And I also just think he'll be really busy focusing back on career and other things that he needs to take care of revolving around his own finances or whatever. And you can always make your own deductions from the cards. In terms of the elements and stuff too there was a lot of what to fire, actually three fire when you count the emperor and then three Earth when you count the hierophant and the water. There's not a lot of swords. Not a lot of you know like I said communication or thoughts and stuff. But I personally think it's just being hidden. And his energy is hiding that. Clearly homeboy probably is having lots of thoughts. And having conversations on the side with whomever.

But my impression is that there is a conscious effort to have withdrawn communication during this time and might continue to be that way for just a little bit longer. And even then I think he's going to filter his thoughts about things a bit. I could be wrong and maybe he'll blurt out all kinds of crazy stories but I am just feeling like because like how I told you that in the way that the cards shuffled out that there was sometimes a desire to push out two cards at once and sometimes it took me several shuffles before anything came out. So there's something definitely that he's holding back on doing and part of me thinks it is conscious and then part of me is like well he probably does want to talk but feels like he can't so you know it is what it is ...

I think you know if I ever talked with him I would want to talk about writing songs that are meaningful to him. I have thoughts on Golden as an album and then I have thoughts on the things that JK used to work on that were written by him. And I'm concerned that he thinks that he has an inability to come up with songs because he doesn't have anything that he thinks about. Of course he has things that he thinks about but I think he keeps comparing himself to other members.

And I don't doubt that he believes that he is a singer and that's what he wants to do but you can be a singer and a songwriter. I know he looks up to people like Billie eilish who are amazing songwriters and now that she's come out as well she obviously has more that she can probably work with and sing about. And I think when you admire people like that you probably want to do things like they are. So I hope that he is able to see himself differently that he figures out his process for how he can take whatever he feels or sees internally as symbols and can turn them into words or even if he can't do that on his own, if he can work with songwriters that are actually willing to listen to those things and help them write those kinds of songs

Because I would love to see him fulfill that part of himself where he could be really proud of a song that he writes that conveys something he felt. I think it comes from a place of insecurity personally. And hopefully with golden he was able to experience what it's like to sing for different genres and maybe now we'll consider doing a project where he is more involved in the songwriting. Or at least writing a couple songs for the next BTS album. Even if it's a collaboration of some sort. I'd like to see him game more confidence in that and realizing that he does have something to say.

And maybe that's another reason why the swords aren't here is he's still working out how to communicate those things. The visual of the feelings is coming through very clearly. I just don't know why he can't transform that vision into writing. It's something I can't do either. I have always been able to visualize my stories like a movie but if you ask me to write poetry I would want to throw myself through a window because I don't really get poetry even though I love songs which are essentially poetry. But poetry itself I don't really get and I bet JK struggles with that too even though he's clearly a romantic guy who can create videos that have this wonderful sort of aesthetically romantic appeal like all the gcfs are so visually pretty and tell this certain narrative but how can you transfer that skill into writing words and songs.. can you learn? I don't know. If you asked me to suddenly write songs and poetry myself it would be very difficult.

Some people just have a certain skill for those things like RM and suga... And jimin with face to me was able to find a way to write about those things but I really think the people around him helped him figure out that process and I hope JK is able to figure out that process because I think he will be more satisfied as an artist once he understands the satisfaction that could come with writing a song that is exactly how he feels and then other people can relate to it. Or even if he becomes an artist who expresses that feeling through a story like still with you. That's a beautiful song that isn't about a specific moment or feeling but conveys a very strong image of a place or story. Like every time I hear it I'm immediately thinking of a jazz bar and it's raining outside and there's kind of this romantic moment happening. Now he's created a concept just like somebody could with a video but he's done it through a song. So he can do it. I just wish she would believe in himself more. He's more than just a great singer. And there's nothing wrong with being a great singer. I just think that he's afraid to be ambitious because he doesn't think he can do it.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

hero with chronic pain 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Some days were worse than others.

The hero couldn't recall the last time they actually felt alright. One moment had changed everything, had bound them to a wheelchair for weeks and now that they could finally walk a little, they dreamt of hope. But it wasn't alright, in fact, they were quite far away from it.

At first, forgiveness had been out of the picture entirely. They wouldn't forgive the villain, no matter how many flowers they brought and despite the daily visits. The hero had told them several times that they didn't want them in their hospital room but the villain had come anyway, begging for forgiveness. A few times they had actually cried and they had looked so rough that the hero had forgotten all their anger for a second.

But it had taken time to come to terms with their new reality, with the pain and the villain's presence. The villain, who was trying everything in their power to make the hero's life easier now. Many times they had told them it was an accident, that they hadn't expected the hero to show up that evening.

Sometimes, the hero doubted their good intentions. However, eventually they had forgiven them.

"How are you doing?" they asked.

"My doctor said I should take it easy. Less walking." The hero shrugged and closed their eyes. A few weeks ago, the hospital had allowed them to go back home. It was strange, though. They had gotten used to the steril smell and the blinding LEDs.

"Are you still pushing yourself?" the villain asked, "I thought we made it clear that you need to rest between physical acitivies."

"It doesn't matter if I rest or not, I am still in pain," the hero answered. They were beyond frustrated. They should've been on the city's rooftops by now, capturing criminals left and right.

"It'll get worse if you start jumping around. Or it'll never go away." The villain's eyes were on the hero, focused and intense. They looked concentrated and determined. Every now and then, the hero had noticed their little habits. Biting their lip when they were nervous, fidgeting hands when they were embarrassed, awkward laugh when there was silence. The hero had thought they would never forgive them but they were wrong about that.

"I don't wanna argue with you. I would lose anyway," the hero said and waved their hand to make sure the villain would realise that they wanted to move on with the conversation. "You're right."

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I mean, you're doing pretty much everything. Cleaning, cooking, groceries. I don't know what else I could ask for."

"Do you need more time alone? Or do you need someone else to talk to? Maybe I could invite some of your friends. But I don't think they would like to see me. So, maybe I should stay at my place when they're here. I don't think they know what to do when your leg gets worse or when you need help though, so maybe I should stay close? So you can call me when you need me? Maybe?" Lip biting. The hero smiled.

"That's very sweet of you. I don't think I'm quite ready to see my friends again, though."

"Why?"

"Because I'm a superhero and I'm not supposed to be weak," the hero said. They could feel a sharp pain travelling down their back, setting their spine on fire. Again, they closed their eyes and tried to ignore it as best as they could. Sometimes, they would wake up in the middle of the night because of the pain, tossing and turning in bed with tears running down their cheeks.

A couple of times, they had called the villain. It wasn't that surprising that they would show up as quickly as they could.

"You're not weak, you're recovering from an injury most people wouldn't have survived."

"Either way, I don't want any of them to see me this vulnerable," the hero responded. "It's still a little difficult for me to accept."

The hero thought about their next words carefully. They were sure the villain was aware that there was something else behind the hero's behaviour. Something the hero hadn't told anyone yet. It wasn't easy for the hero to admit but right now, the villain was the only one who cared like no other.

"Being a hero is kind of the only thing I have. I'm not good at anything else. I'm not a genius, I'm not an artist, I am not too big on sports. I don't have a skill, I don't have any talents. It's the only thing I am relatively good at and now I am...nothing. I'm this broken thing that's useless. I need to be a hero again. I need to fight again."

There was silence. No awkward laugh. The villain's eyebrows knitted together and the hero realised that they weren't too happy with that observation.

"You know, you say that as if it's a well-known fact. But you do have talents. You're great with kids, you're great at speeches, the way you think is astounding. You notice things no one else does. You're a social person, you're a kind person. Skills have to be mastered and you've mastered being a decent human being. You're not useless. You're kind of everything to me." The villain looked at their hands. Sometimes the hero wondered what had happened if they hadn't been injured. Would they still fight each other? Would they have killed each other? "So, allow yourself to rest. I still need you."

The hero only noticed now that it was pretty hot in their living room. They had never noticed these things nor thought about it in that way but the villain was someone so close yet out of reach. Maybe they were right, maybe they were exaggerating. Whatever it was, the hero wanted more of it. Out of the villain's mouth, this sounded like a confession.

"I'm not perfect."

"I disagree," the villain said. "You forgave me when you had no reason to. I admire that. But let's not argue and let me help you with your back."

For some reason, the villain always knew when the hero was in pain and trying to hide it. This time, the hero was a little more flustered than usual and as they tried to fall asleep on their bed that evening, the villain's words echoed in their mind.

[mgu-h]

lando’s size kink (smol) but also the fact that he’s (big) is so through provoking

ok i know i said i would keep my kink analysis to depictions on ao3 but fuck it's late and i really want to ramble about this specifically because it IS thought provoking!!! it's such a crucial aspect of lando's personality that i think is easy to flatten, and i see often exaggerated a bit in his popular characterizations from those outside the fandom looking in, the ones from people on twitter who don't really know his whole deal, and just imagine him at his weakest. basically while i think while he does have a kink for subordinating himself in size or competence, that kink reveals a more layered psychology and wider range of needs than he is usually given credence to have. it's a kink, not an entire personality.

i just believe that lando is mostly happy. he's not always a wet, sad, shivering cat who needs coddling!! his anxiety is likely background noise most of the time, not an all-consuming roar. he's an insanely talented guy (and knows it) in his mid twenties (no longer an ingenue) who has a difficult job he's deeply passionate about that allows him to travel all over the world and experience incredible opportunities. he's earning astonishing amounts of money and living in one of the most exclusive and glamorous places on the planet! he's had many career successes and many good days on track that he can be proud of and has been praised for. he founded his dream company barely out of his teens and continues to guide it as an executive through its expansion and development. he's had lovely girlfriends and maintained deep friendships with people he's known for half his life.

i imagine his confidence and zest for life can make him feel like he matches his own size most of the time, or even find delight in being big after a childhood of being tiny. he certainly likes to tease maxf about being shorter now. i think he might actually be pretty vanilla and enjoy topping someone he loves and using his skill to bring them pleasure (he hates and fears being bad at things and loves being competent, this will be relevant in a moment lmao). i just think his dick is big and he knows how to use it, ok? and he likes to provide for people to the degree that in 15yrs i could see him playing "daddy" (but we're not there yet). he can be an annoying brat, but that just means he wants to play. i think his kinks are not the most frequent way that he experiences sexual desire on the day to day. i figure he's playful, horny, and loving most of the time, not into playing psychosexual games with his committed partner.

But.

he is not always happy or composed. his distress comes in rare, exceptional, and dangerous spikes. his ego is not small and it has a few fracture lines where it's been crushed a thousand times, with long standing traumas and complexes waiting to be activated. it's like he has a lower emotional ocean that contextually gets churned up into a powerful maelstrom that inundates him with his insecurities and leads to loops of self-criticism as a coping mechanism and defensive shield. i imagine that it is overwhelming and frightening and frustrating, and it makes him feel small, he has so many complex memories of being small in the past.

it's important that kinks can act as release valve for a lot of tensions in the psyche. these storms he feels are not perpetual, but they do need some trigger to settle back down and let him return to untainted hope and confidence. sweet reassurance from a lover can do it sometimes, but not always, not if it passes a threshold of severity. another way to trigger the end of distress is through catharsis, using intense experiences where fear and shame is felt and released. i suspect he'd crave feeling small because it allows him to be chosen and used by someone(s) bigger and stronger than him. i don't necessarily just mean physically larger, either. the figures that loom large in the mind with high status that he craves respect from also count as big.

so he positions himself in relation to other men in a way where he can indulge that frisson of delight at the potential of being small, a size to be taken care of when he needs it. it's the size he knows gets him special attention, and some other men like and find very cute or fuckable in a specific way. while he's not terribly small physically anymore, there are Certainly bigger men in the world for him to feel a pulse of attraction toward. there's a a subconscious part of him yelling that sometimes (and only sometimes) it feels good and safe for him to feel small, and be useful and get railed by a man who can pick him up physically (or destroy him on track). you know what i mean?

basically, i think he sometimes feels profoundly small on an emotional level, but i also think he's mostly a self-confident vanilla demi-top (if he loves you) who might even enjoy being bigger that his partner (he used to be small), but, he's also an occasionally slutty subby bottom (if he needs it) with a kink for being small or inferior (when he's small again inside). he needs to feel his worst fears coming true (he is lesser) simultaneously as he is reassured of just how good and special he is to a bigger person, finding strength in embodying his own weakness relative to others, and power in having them serve him (fuck him and stoke his ego back to healthy levels). that's my take on his kinks...... fuck i really didn't mean to write this. but there you go lmao

[azzibuckets]

So Cessa give us a cutesy summary of your thoughts on UConn during the big east tourney! Feel free to break down individual players/performances 😁😁

paige is paige…she shows up when she has to, otherwise she plays unselfish ball. i like the aggression we’ve been seeing from ashlynn. kk and kaitlyn obviously have to clean up their turnovers; ik it’s not typical for either of them to have as many turnovers as they did against creighton but it’s still against creighton and neither of them are as good ball handlers as paige which obviously worries me for march madness. kaitlyn has always had trouble reading the offens and seeing openings like paige does but this has been happening all szn long w/ no change from geno so..i’m still holding out hope that he will put paige as pg when it comes down to it but i never know with grandpa

not much to say on sarah because of how dependable she’s been…averaging a double double in the tournament as a freshman is insane and im confident in her going into march madness. one thing she can improve on is her layups 😭

everyone needs to recognize when azzi’s open. i understand getting her more touches is difficult when there’s so many options in paige and sarah as scorers but her shooting will become invaluable come march madness like in the game against sc. like azzi said she’s been recognizing her defensive role because she knows paige and sarah are handling offense but still ..it doesn’t explain why they’re running plays to open up kk of all people at the arc 😭😭 kk’s defense (and azzi’s the fuckkk i love her) has been moving me like always so ill give her that

jana should work on having better control of the ball when it’s in her hands. no comments on ice😭

their whole defense against st. john was good to see but quarters like the one (i forgot which) against creighton make me wonder sometimes . obviously they’re not always gonna be perfect but i wanna see their level of intensity at maximum.

our small ball lineup has been pretty good all season except for a moment yesterday so we’ll see

As long as they crash the boards, get Azzi more touches, (LET PAIGE RUN POINT) and play good defense i am hopeful and excited and hyped 🙂‍↔️

[anxious-witch]

Part two of this analysis aka Edwin, Charles and asexuality and why I personally like hcing Charles under the ace umbrella rather than Edwin.

Previous part was about why I don't see Edwin as ace and this one is about why I can see Charles as being on ace/ace spectrum.

So, you might be thinking, what the hell is he talking about? Charles clearly flirts with Crystal from the start and is attracted to her!

And to that, I say, yes....and no. He flirts with her from the start, absolutely! I'd even say he likes her immediately and think she is pretty. But given we aren't in his head, we can't really know exactly what he thinks. His reaction certainly isn't as extreme as the one Edwin has to the Cat King, which clearly showed instant sexual attraction.

So, the way I see it, I think he likes Crystal and very quickly develops a crush on her. But those are romantic feelings, not sexual ones. And we all know how intense Charles' feelings are, especially when it comes to devoting himself to someone.

"He literally agrees about being a nice addition to her body count! And he seems to know ghosts and human can have sex!" Yeah. Which is why A) I hc him as demisexual aka only feeling sexual attraction when he already has feelings for someone and B) as an ace person myself, believe me when I say that researching sex as a concept by an ace person is not uncommon. It's interesting part of human experience, whenever you wish that for yourself or not.

But I digress. Back to my point and that is, when does Charles seem to kiss (and if you believe they slept together after that one scene)? When one or both of them are in need of comfort.

We know Charles is physically affectionate person in general, so while I understand the whole thing was muddled with him and Crystal, I do find it odd he never kissed her due to being excited, or relieved. It would be so very in character for him and yet??? We see them kiss, if I remember correctly, after Charles has his breakdown over not being able to stop anything or after the Devlin's house? I mixed up those two in my head but regardless-it's a form of comfort. You know how a lot of ace people who like sex describe why they like it? Because it makes them feel closer to their partner, because yes, the sex itself is enjoyable, but there is no need for it, no attraction to spur it on. But when you care about the person, you want to make them feel good and you want to feel closer to them.

So for Charles, who constantly craves positive validation, especially through touch? I feel like he'd be either sex positive ace or as I mentioned earlier, demisexual. He doesn't seem spurred by it by attraction.

Hell, after Crystal has a nightmare, what is his first instinct? To kiss her. Because he feels helpless with how to help her other than get her closer to him! But , no offense to Crystal, I find it a bit difficult to believe Charles looked at her in that moment, traumatized by the nightmare and thought "god you look so hot right now I have to kiss you".

And again, we see this repeated when Crystal is about to leave for London and she kisses him goodbye. They never kiss as a consequence of something happy. Which yes, can definitely be contributed to the general narrative of that relationship likely being there as more of a comfort but still.

When we talk about headcanon sphere, because I don't pretend like the writers planned on making Charles ace coded, I think it would make sense.

Also why he doesn't clock Edwin's meeting with the Cat King for what they are! He is suspicious, we could even say he is jealous, but up until Edwin doesn't bring up his feelings for Monty, Charles doesn't connect the two. Which I find odd. Charles doesn't seem surprised that Edwin is gay, so how did he not make a connection about the Cat King until that moment?

Unless he usually connects sex with romantic feelings! Of course, he knows other people sometimes don't but surely not Edwin? Surely Edwin would think like Charles and want to love someone before feeling any sort of attraction? Right? Right??

Wrong. You sir, give strong demi vibes.

No but in all seriousness, I feel like Charles being demi/ace doesn't have a lot of uncomfortable implications that Edwin does? And it doesn't play into the stereotypes either. Why not hc someone flirty and easygoing as ace for a change?

Not to mention that he can be flippant around sex because that's what's expected. We know Charles is not above putting up a front if it makes it easier for everyone around him. To feel accepted.

So he likes a girl. She is pretty and powerful and she alive. Of course he is attracted to her. It's natural. That's how attraction is meant to feel like. Right?

And especially with demi hc, I feel like that fits very well bc he is used to having to "convince" himself before he feels the attraction.

Another cool point I could see being raised is how, he thinks Edwin isn't interested in anyone for the longest time, so Charles in turn, fully turns out any possible romantic feelings for him. And in turn then, he never think he can be attracted to Edwin because he could be like oh! No romantic feelings? No attraction either. Cool!

But yeah. Again, just hcs in general, but if we are talking about making someone ace, I feel like Charles is a more logical than Edwin, personally

[razzle-dazzle-writes]

Going Down on Them feat. Weiss, Winter, Cinder & Pyrrha

Weiss Schnee

Oral is one of the parts of sex that Weiss enjoys the most. There's a deep intimacy to be found in it for her which only adds to the pleasure it brings her on its own.

She doesn't force you to go down on her, but doesn't make it a secret how much she enjoys it. Both in the moment and afterwards you are made well aware of how much she enjoys cunnilingus.

She keeps herself completely bare. She finds that shaving is the simplest and cleanest option that the both of you can be happy with for going down on her.

A small bit of teasing doesn't go amiss in the moment. Kisses on her thighs, taking your time to reach her cunt. Building the anticipation only makes things more sweet for her when she finally is given what she wants.

As soon as your tongue begins work she has her hand at her lips, trying to contain the loud expressions of pleasure that emanate from deep within her. She can't help it, she just loves being eaten out.

She'll lay on her back at the edge of the mattress and let you do as you please. She usually gives up trying to dampen her moans pretty quickly, the sounds dripping from her lips to encourage you further.

Her body trembles every time your tongue passes over her clit, the small bump sending waves through her. Her slick walls quiver at your touch, the juices brought forward from arousal leaking from her entrance.

Weiss doesn't have a whole lot of stamina, it doesn't take more for a couple of minutes of oral service for her to come onto your tongue and lips. Deep breaths bringing her chest up and down as she comes down from the intensity of her orgasm.

She likes to kiss you afterwards to show her affection and appreciation, even if her come is still covering your lips, she doesn't mind enough to stop her.

Winter Schnee

Winter has a stressful job that puts a lot of weight on her shoulders day in and day out. A lot of nights when she finally has the chance to retreat to your quarters she's stressed or tired. Sometimes, being able to take a moment to stop and maybe get eaten out is just what she needs.

She'll never say anything, but it isn't difficult to tell when she wants you to go down on her. She'll greet you before collapsing onto the bed, too exhausted to do anything else for the moment. Read into what she wants in the moment how you will, but going down on her is usually a pretty good answer.

She doesn't stop you when your fingers hook around the waistband of her underwear and pull them down her legs so that you can spread her thighs to get closer to her cunt.

Her let down hair spreads out beneath her as her tired body lets itself relax for the first time in what seems like an eternity. She groans unashamedly in relief, the tension in her body slowly releasing while your tongue spreads her open.

She keeps her pubic hair neatly trimmed and controlled, she isn't completely bare but you'll almost forget that there's any while you're tongue fucking her cunt.

Winter has a deep-seeded sense of pride even during intimate moments between the two of you, her vocal expressions are restrained and controlled. She doesn't speak while you eat her out, keeping herself to quiet sighs and breaths of pleasure.

Her typical exhaustion will in most cases have her leaving the work to you, she knows that you understand what she wants and she doesn't need to intervene to control you to reach a satisfying orgasm.

Winter's stamina is slightly above that of the average person but is by no means remarkable. One orgasm after a few minutes of attention from your tongue and fingers is enough to leave her content and far less stressed than she was beforehand whether she feels the desire for further physical intimacy or not.

Any thanks she gives you afterwards is short and simple, Winter isn't one to waste words. Still, the understanding between the two of you that she greatly appreciates the small effort to help her out after a long day remains ever present.

Pyrrha Nikos

Pyrrha, even some time into your relationship, feels awkward asking you to do something solely for her pleasure and therefore a lot of the times you go down on her will be reading in the moment what she wants.

She never stops you however, any time you sink to your knees to eat her out she happily accepts your affections with an a appreciative smile on her lips.

Whether she's sweaty and showering after a training session, already naked and anticipating in the throes of passion or just taking the rare chance to stay in bed for the morning with no responsibilities for the day, she'll always eagerly accept the chance to receive cunnilingus.

Pyrrha is quite laid back in shaving her pubic hair. She keeps it in control for the most part, but she is certainly not shaved bare either. Something about the sight of your lips pressed to her hairy cunt lights a fire inside of her. Whether the carpet matches the drapes is something I'll leave to your imagination.

No matter the position, she will have a hand on your head, fingers tangled through your hair as you eat her out. She doesn't want to control you, but the waves of heat coursing through her wave any inhibitions she may have about restraint.

She mewls and whines loudly through the entirety of your servicing. It brings a bright blush to her cheeks thinking about how shameless she must sound, but she wants to show you how much she enjoys your work and doesn't see the need to hide how she feels between the two of you.

Pyrrha's body is no less subtle in showing how she feels than her voice. Her hips buck whenever your tongue flicks over her clit, her liquid affection drips onto your tongue as it delves into her core and her body shakes as she draws ever closer to her orgasm.

Pyrrha often comes quite quickly. Despite her honed endurance as a fighter she doesn't have that much stamina for sex, the orgasm is enough to satisfy her if it stands alone, though she still has the energy to reach another during penetrative sex if it follows.

She will always thank you afterwards despite your insistence that she doesn't need to, she just feels bad if she doesn't. Please go down on her whenever you have the chance, she really quite enjoys and deserves it :).

Cinder Fall

In all parts of her life Cinder takes what she wants and that has always extended into your sex life. If she wants you to go down on her you will be going down on her, there is no question about it. You're her boyfriend/girlfriend after all, its your job to eat her out whenever she desires it.

Whether the two of you are already in the middle of a moment of intimacy or whether its completely unprompted apart from her deciding she wants it, her way of telling you what you are required to do for her is to push you onto your back.

Cinder more often that not sits on your face, the control it gives her over you gives her a power rush which only feeds her desires farther than they've already grown. In her more vulnerable hours, such as when she was debilitated after Beacon, there's more of an ability to let you be in control of the flow of things however.

Cinder does not shave her pubic hair. Maybe she'll give it some attention every now and then when it gets too out of hand but never is she bare. She does not take suggestions on this topic either, in her own words "get used to it".

She is very vocal while you eat her out. Not so much in sounds but in the river of expletives that come out of her lips. She talks the entire time she's atop you, muttering her praises of your efforts amidst all the "fuck"s coming forth.

Cinder doesn't tell you want she wants, she knows at this point that you understand her desires, additionally her sitting on your face gives her more agency in controlling the pleasure being given to her. She grinds her cunt over your mouth as she pleases, pulling herself up to let you take a moment is a rare luxury.

There is no impulse of self control inside of Cinder and she will work in conjunction with your tongue with her hip movements to orgasm as soon as she is able to. Her stamina is also quite impressive, often she will immediately keep the cunnilingus in motion for a second time if not switching the two of you into something else.

When she does come it is very noticeable, both in the trembling that runs through her body, the further streaming expletives flowing from her mouth and the aggressive, sudden rush of liquid that she releases atop your lips.

Cinder isn't really one to say thank you, firstly because her stamina usually means that your physical intimacy isn't over for the time being and because her ego holds her back from expressing genuine appreciation. Still, she tells you how beautiful you look beneath her with your tongue buried in her cunt and in her more vulnerable moments that she loves you.