#and interesting that someone was thinking about it even 100 years ago

[deathnguts]

This might be crazy but I think that Rabastan and Regulus’s first massive fight that set the tone for the rest of their fights as a couple was because of Bartylus. Hear me out.

So, rabastan is way older than regulus we’ve already been over this. When regulus was five years old Rabastan was graduating hogwarts, or high school if you wanna view no magic AU which we do a lot. Rabastan was also a rebellious lad who did what he wanted especially in his teens, the time when he wasn’t close with regulus yet beyond like just being regulus’ favorite person that wasn’t Sirius yknow. Speeding this up, Rabastan did not save himself for marriage like he was supposed to via traditional marriage rules he was raised with. Rabastan was 100% sexually active in his teens and his twenties because why wouldn’t he be? It’s not like anyone got pregnant why does it matter? He didn’t love regulus yet so it’s not cheating, who cares?

Fast forward to when regulus is like fifteen, him and Rabastan consider themselves a couple now just counting down the days until Regulus is legal so they can get married and oops Rabastan lets it slip that he’s not a virgin. He didn’t think it mattered and he doesn’t like lying to Regulus so he didn’t think to hold it back or keep it a shameful secret. Regulus doenst like hiding things or keeping secrets from Rabastan either so he says he isn’t either pretty easily. Suddenly Rabastan cares a little, because what the fuck did you just say? He wants details, he wants names, he wants to know what there is to know and regulus is affronted because why does it matter you said it doesn’t matter! Rabastan wants to know who and regulus says he’ll only tell if Rabastan says who his first was and Rabastan says he doesn’t know because he doesn’t it was a one night stand he doesn’t even remember the name of it didn’t matter and that breaks Regulus’s heart a little but because isn’t this supposed to be sacred and that makes Rabastan even madder because if it’s so sacred why’d you do it with someone else?! Rabastan says it’s not fair because he was a different person ten years ago, Regulus says that’s not fair because why is Rabastan allowed to just break the rules he has to follow just because he’s older, just because he was born a man.

Again, speeding it up, they give each other the silent treatment for a while. It’s easy to do with regulus in school, they just don’t write. It’s been a few months and rabastan is starting to think the fight was actually stupid because he misses regulus and he’s willing to get over it in a second if they’ll just talk again so he goes to pick regulus up from the station with that sort of thinking and- who is that.

Barty’s always been touchy with regulus, he’s always been affectionate and open with him even when they’re not romantically interested in one another because the Bartylus bond persists in every universe. They’re just close beyond belief so it’s hard not show that. Rabastan has never seen it before because well barty really only sees regulus at school while Rabastan only sees him out of it. Rabastan hates it. He hates it a lot. Is he supposed to just be fine with another man cradling his wife (not yet) like he owns her?! And barty isn’t like subtle at all, he’s like waist grabbing and burying his face in regulus’ neck, it’s a hard watch for sure.

So naturally Rabastan forgets he wasn’t angry anymore and the fight starts again immediately. Who is that? What just because you’re not a virgin you’re just close with every guy you see now? Regulus is appalled, he’s my best fucking friend if anyone’s a fucking whore it’s you you don’t even remember how many people you’ve slept with- gab gab gab they fight a lot, truth slips out, regulus admits his first time was with Barty because they’re just Like That but not like that, rabastan admits has really only slept with people he doesn’t care about before which is why he’s upset regulus has only slept with one person and he cares about them a lot and it’s not him. They’re still kinda mad because you can’t just undo anything they said or did, Rabastan asks for regulus to stop talking to Barty and regulus says no. Rabastan rolls his eyes and regulus stiffens up, he says he needs a drink and regulus says he’ll pour it and Rabastan says No I need a drink away from you and regulus says please don’t and there’s an anger in the room but it settled like a fog and it feels so thick it’s like they can’t move through it and regulus gets on his tip toes to kiss Rabastan, just missing his lips because he’s not quite tall enough even at his tallest and Rabastan sort of stews with that for a moment before bending down a little so they can kiss properly. They’re not at the hate fuck point in their relationship yet, they definitely want they’re first time together to be softer than that, but you can see the seeds of that future planted here because there’s definitely over the clothes stuff happening within the next two hours of this kiss.

But yeah, both Barty and Rabastan’s life before he loved regulus remain sore subjects for the rest of time, and are both brought up in every fight when they’re angry enough.

[everett-true-daily]

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

[elodieunderglass]

Laura’s thoughts ranged over a wide field, even now. Sometimes she said rather amusing things, and displayed unexpected stores (General Stores) of knowledge. But her remarks were as a rule so disconnected from the conversation that no one paid much attention to them. Mr. Arbuthnot certainly was not prepared for her response to his statement that February was a dangerous month. ‘It is,’ answered Laura with almost violent agreement. ‘If you are a were-wolf, and very likely you may be, for lots of people are without knowing, February, of all months, is the month when you are most likely to go out on a dark windy night and worry sheep.’

Henry and Caroline glanced at each other in horror. Mr. Arbuthnot said: ‘How very interesting! But I really don’t think I am likely to do such a thing.’ Laura made no answer. She did not think so either. But she was amusing herself with a surprisingly vivid and terrible picture of Mr. Arbuthnot cloaked in a shaggy hide and going with heavy devouring swiftness upon all-fours with a lamb dangling from his mouth.

This settled it. Henry and Caroline made no more attempts to marry off Laura. Trying to do so had been a nuisance and an expense, and Laura had never shown the smallest appreciation of their trouble.

- “Lolly Willowes,” (1926) by Sylvia Townsend Warner. Early feminist/fantasy fiction.

This passage is set prior to 1905, and it is extremely fun to read about the interior life of someone 100 years ago, who “violently” introduces the werewolf element to survive a boring conversation.

RIP Laura, I’ve only read 30% of the book and I know in my heart that touching grass was not enough for you and your restless, yearning heart. You would have done numbers on the internet

[propertyofwicked]

SECRETS part 3 - LN

lando x fewtrell!reader

no content warnings for this part ! :) (there is more fluff in this part, finally)

p.s i wrote half of this on a train that smelt so bad so if its bad we blame thameslink <3

previous part -> next part

masterlist the playlist

max decided he’d talk to his sister later, right now, he needed to focus on being there for lando. right now, they were sat in the mclaren garage, qualifiers underway and lando doing so well. even y/n started to believe she was a lucky charm. and indeed, lando now believed she was 100% his lucky charm.

the moment his post-qualifying responsibilities ended, he came bounding over to y/n and max, first taking max into what y/n could only describe as a bro hug, ending when he swiftly moved to embrace her, mumbling a chant of ‘thank yous’ in her ear. he caught max in an awkward stare, prompting him to let go of y/n.

“thank me? what for? that was all you lan,” she said, smiling up at him as she moved her arms to cross over her chest.

“thanks to my lucky charm,” he said to both of them, but smirking at y/n, “im starting 2nd on the grid tomorrow. strong start means a strong race,” he finished, still beaming from ear to ear.

“me and y/n are going out for some food in a bit if you wanna join mate,” max said, smiling back at his friend.

“yeah sounds good. ive got to shower, but i’ll swing by and pick you both up from your hotel at 5?”

“perfect, see you there mate.”

the drive back to the hotel was silent, y/n assumed her brother was tired, her brother was in fact thinking. more specifically, thinking about his sister and where she had been the night before. he tried to stop his mind wandering further and yet, images of his sister and best friend infiltrated his thoughts. max’s brain couldn’t stop dwelling on the way lando embraced his sister, how his hands gripped at her waist, and then he thought back to that night in monaco. the way his best friend stood behind y/n, his hands on her waist, her head rolled back onto his shoulder as they danced to the music. before he knew it, the fear and anger he thought had dissipated months ago, was bubbling back inside of him, his hands gripping the steering wheel to ground him from the feeling.

y/n noticed. of course she did. spending 20 years of your life around someone tends to give you the ability to read their every emotion - and this one was one that y/n was not too familiar with. max usually held his anger and sadness well, so the only times she’d seen this was in his earlier driving career when races didn’t go his way. she hoped so desperately he wasn’t angry with her, after all, nothing had happened, and as far as she was aware, nothing would happen.

by the time 5 o’clock came around, max had returned to his normal self, conversing with y/n normally. that’s a good sign, y/n thought to herself. and now, he was chatting to lando as he drove them to a restaurant outside of the town they were staying in. it was all going so well, max was calm, y/n and lando were friends again and nothing could ruin this moment.

“y/n, why is your lip balm in lando’s centre console?”

shit.

“oh i think it fell out the top of my bag when i climbed in the back,” she said panicked, her eyes quickly darting to lando, who was suddenly very interested in the road ahead. max seemed ok with her answer, humming with a quick nod before continuing his conversation with lando. y/n, however, was filled with a new wave of anxiety. why did she feel like this? she hadn’t even done anything? and yet, her mind was now plagued with guilt.

her hands came together, playing with her fingers and twisting her rings around to calm the anxious thoughts, a trait she’d had since childhood. lando glanced at her in his rear view mirror, seeing her facial expressions - her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth falling into a natural frown. he then spotted her hands. he tried to join her into the conversation, tried to distract her, but soon enough they were parked and walking into the restaurant. max chose to sit opposite his sister, leaving lando and y/n pushed together in the booth.

her foot tapped the floor, shaking her whole leg, as the boys talked, y/n chiming in occasionally.

“mum and dad are coming up tonight for the race tomorrow,” lando said to max, but his hand came to brush the side of y/n’s bouncing leg, his finger drawing small circles on her thigh, “they’re staying in your hotel i think.”

“good thing you did well today then isn’t it,” max replied, laughing slightly, “i can drive them to the track tomorrow morning if they want?”

“i’ll ask, im sure they’ll be glad. dad hates driving before my races, gets to nervous and forgets to indicate,” lando responds, joining max in laughing at the thought of adam norris forgetting how to drive.

“i’m just gonna run to the toilet, do either of you want a drink whilst im up?” max asked, pushing his chair back under the table as he stands. y/n nods, asking for another diet coke whilst lando declines, holding up his half full glass.

the moment max disappears from sight, lando takes y/n's hand in his, brushing his thumb up and down the back, her leg slowing its bouncing.

“what’s wrong?” he asks, quietly, sad eyes coming to meet hers.

“my lip balm lando. i don’t want to know the conclusions max will jump to, and i don’t want to be on the receiving end of his anger.”

“it’ll be fine, i promise. he’s got nothing to be angry about, we’ve done nothing wrong.”

“you didn’t see him earlier. i thought he was going to rip the steering wheel off.”

“we’ve done nothing wrong,” he repeats, “besides, you’re a grown woman who makes her own life decisions. fuck it if he has a problem.” y/n nodded in response. he had a point. she was a strong independent woman, she didn’t need her brothers permission to do anything.

for the rest of the evening, she re-joined conversations, feeling a new sense of confidence in herself that she had been lacking all weekend.

-

race day had approached quickly, y/n found herself sat in lando’s drivers room. max and lando’s parents had gone for a walk to grab some food, leaving the two of them alone. lando was pacing, his pre race nerves grew stronger every minute. quite frankly, y/n was sick of it - she sat back on the sofa, her eyes darting back and forth like the audience at a tennis match as she followed lando’s strides back and forth across the small room.

“lan?” she asked him, but he didn’t stop moving, and barely grunted to acknowledge that she’d spoken.

“lando? can you stop pacing? you’re making me dizzy,” she said with a sigh, and he finally came to a stop, and turned to look at her.

“sorry,” he said, smiling at her, as she stood up and walked towards him.

similar to last night, she took both of his hands in hers, pulling them to rest at the top of her chest. her eyes found his, staring directly into them.

“you nervous?”

“how could you tell?” he said, laughing slightly.

“you don’t need to be, you smashed qualis and you’ll smash this. besides, your lucky charm is here to save the day,” y/n said, adding a grin at the end of her sentence. the room fell into silence as he mulled her words over in his head. she was still looking at him, and he tried not to break the eye contact, but his eyes gradually dropped to look at her lips. she was still smiling at him, trying to calm him down the only way y/n knew how to. and she was still smiling at him when he leant down slightly, closing the gap between them even more.

“can i kiss you?” he asked slowly, as if to test the waters, the tension between them rising more than it ever had.

“i think that would be ok,” she said. he didn’t wait to join their lips together finally, pressing a soft kiss to her lips as his hands dropped from hers to fall and grip her waist softly. y/n’s hands moved to rest on the back of his neck, pulling him in closer, his tongue swiping her lower lip as her mouth parted to deepen the kiss.

he could’ve stayed in that moment forever, and he would’ve if a knock hadn’t interrupted the moment - y/n tensed up at the sound.

“lando are you ready? it’s time to get in the car.”

“uhh, yea. just give me a second,” he said, glancing down, first at y/n, panic leaving her shoulders as she established it wasn’t max, and then down to his fireproofs, readjusting the rest of his suit around his waist.

“we need you now, lando,” the voice said again, staying behind the door.

“we’ll continue this later,” he said pressing another kiss to her lips and her forehead, before walking to the door.

she grabbed her phone, her best friend was the only person she could trust to advise her now.

“well done lando, that’s p2,” lando’s race engineer announced through the radio, cheers erupting in the garage. y/n moved to cisca’s embrace, celebrating his win, after spending the entire race on the edge of their seats. the group, consisting of max, y/n and lando’s parents moved round to where lando’s car would pull in, excited to celebrate his podium with him.

when he was finally free from the cockpit, he moved to push his visor up, eyes darting around the crowd in hopes of spotting a familiar face. he spotted his mum first, and then the girl stood next to her. her smile could outshine the sun, he had thought to himself as he made great strides towards the group. lando reached over the low fencing, grabbing his mum into a tight embrace, her hand rubbing up and down his back supportively. when he stepped back and looked to his right, he saw y/n again. still smiling up at him. he would never get tired of seeing her smile.

his hands moved to her face, holding her jaw, eyes staring into hers. she couldn’t see his smile through his helmet, but she knew he was beaming. her own hands had risen to hold the sides of his helmet. he stared for a second longer before moving to pull her into an embrace tighter than his mums.

“my lucky charm,” he said to her, loud enough for a few people around her to hear.

“go get weighed and finish up. ill see you after,” she said as he pulled back, him nodding at her. just as he turned to celebrate with the rest of the team, she pulled him back.

“oh, and lando - im proud of you.” with that he left.

y/n turned to her side, looking at cisca, who was still smiling, an odd glint to her eyes. she then turned behind her, expecting to see her brother. but he wasn’t there.

“adam? where’s max?” she asked the man who had been stood next to max.

“he, um, he just left. didn’t say anything to me. he just kind of, walked off?” lando’s dad responded, looking as confused as she did.

this was not good. in fact, this was very bad.

★ ☆ ✦ ✧ ✩ ✶

tag list: @harrysdimple05 @scopeiguess @hiireadstuff @landosgirlxoxo @natt9598 @phantomxoxo @val-writes @secretgal66 @ririyulife @littlehoneyfreak @leclercdream

[skyahri]

So..? |Kakashi Hatake X Civilian! Reader| HC

Summary: Kakashi finally musters up the courage to ask you out.

Warnings: Nothing, really. Pretty tame. Civilian reader.

Masterlist Ko-fi

- - - - -

You worked in the hospital. It was nothing spectacular; the shifts are long, it can get a bit over crowded, and sometimes you don't even have time for a meal, but it's honest work.

You were decent with medical ninjutsu. You could heal cuts and bruises, but anything more was outside your skill set.

You have your fair share of regulars, Kakashi being one of them.

Sometimes, he's in and out - just there for a few stitches or a mandatory check-up after a long mission. Sometimes it's longer, like after his battle with Itachi or the Kazekage's retrieval.

You scold him every time for being reckless.

"Kakashi, you know what happens when you overuse your sharingan. Can't you at least try to be a bit more careful?"

He always dismisses you, promising that everything he does it put of 100% necessity.

You roll your eyes and fix him up regardless.

Its a lucky thing that you always end up taking care of him, or at least you think it is.

He's actually using his social pull to end up wherever you are. Kakashi Hatake, the copy cat ninja, is very well known and has earned more favors than he could ever cash in.

He remembers the first time he met you - it was several years ago, in this very hospital. He'd been injured during one of his Anbu missions and needed some critical care.

The hospital was swamped that day, and you were new. He could tell by how anxious you were. It was lucky that you had ended up with him, someone who wasn't picky about his treatment and wasn't bothered by nerves.

There was something about you, though he wasn't sure what. Yes, you're pretty, but he's seen lots of pretty girls. Maybe it was the confidence you emitted despite the cluster of the environment. Maybe it was the gentle way you touched him as yo wrapped his arm or the feeling of your chakra on his skin.

Either way, it stuck with him, and all the feelings he felt have only intensified over time.

Which is where we are now.

Eventually, he sees you outside of the hospital. A rare sight, really. He's perfectly healthy, between missions, and not being dragged around by his students for once.

Your last shift of the week just ended. You're carrying home your weekly grocery haul when he spots you and basically demands to carry some most of your bags.

He tries to chat you up, along about work, hobbies... potential partners?

"So what have you been doing outside of work, hm? Interesting... I see. And you do all of this by yourself, or..?"

You laugh, knowing he's fishing for specific information. He already knows you pretty well after seeing him so often at work. Maybe he forgot that fact in his stupor.

However, slick Kakashi thinks he's been all this time, knock it down by 60%.

You may not be a shinobi like him, but you're very well aware of people.

"No, Kakashi, I don't have a boyfriend."

He plays it off. Shoving his hands in his pockets and pretends not to be borderline giddy at this newfound information.

Once you reach your apartment, you have no problem allowing him entry so he can set your groceries down on your counter.

He looks around while you put things away. Everything embodied you perfectly. The plants, the color scheme, the decor. It was perfect.

Once you're finished, he becomes nervous again.

"So..."

"So?" You ask expectantly.

"Would you wanna meet up with me sometime? As a thank you for all you've done for me over the years, of course."

"Of course," you mock him lightly, crinkling your nose.

"I'd love to."

He let's out an animated breath.

"I'll pick you up tonight at 6? We can head to..."

The plans are set. Now, it's just a matter of patience before this long-awaited date.

Although you've been looking forward to this day for so many years, the anxiety is still there, and you're wondering how it'll go and if he likes you.

Little did you know he's having the same thoughts.

What if you didn't like him? What if he just damaged your friendship (could it even be called that considering how confined they had been to the hospital?) and now he's lost someone else because he's stupid?

Only time will tell, so may as well just shove down the nerves and prepare for what could be the beginning of something great.

[a-kind-of-merry-war]

will you please give us examples of resources to look at if we want to learn more about the concept of gender and maybe even transness in Medieval Europe? thanks!

whooooo boy right, there's a lot! I wanna start this by saying that I am very much not an expert, and I only have access to stuff I can find for free and the handful of books I can afford to buy second hand. Most of my research has been around gender as it relates to transness and GNC people. I am absolutely missing stuff, or have forgotten stuff, or simply lack the know-how to find stuff.

There's a few bits I've got on a TBR but haven't read yet - some I've included and some I haven't, depending on the source and how established it is.

Also: this is medieval Europe. The way pronouns are used to describe people don't really align with modern views of sex and gender. Also be aware of old-fashioned language use (for example, some texts talk about "hermaphrodites"). Remember that the way we talk about gender and trans identities is far different to how we even spoke about it 20 years ago.

So with that out of the way... I am chucking this under a read more, because it's long:

---

GENDER

Medieval ideas around gender were different to how we now think about it. The Hippocratic view of gender saw gender as a sort of wet/dry, cold/hot spectrum upon which men were at one end and women the other (and in the middle were intersex people). The male body was seen as hot and dry, and the female as cold and wet. The cold, wetness is what made women try to seek out heat from guys. A lot comes down to humors rather than genitals - if you're hot and dry, that innately means you grow a penis, because the heat sorta forces it out. So the marker is that penis = man, but you only have that penis in the first place because of your hot, dry humor.

Some people believed the vagina was an inverted penis - as in, the penis turned outside in. Some schools of thought believed that both men and women produced "seed", and that both were needed for conception. These thoughts and ideas shifted around a lot.

The Hippocratic view shifted towards Aristotelian ideas around the 12th Century, where the male/female divide was a lot stronger. There were also surgeons throughout all these periods who sought to "correct" intersex genitalia with surgery (how little things change).

This podcast (I've linked to a transcript, because I have more time to read than listen to things) with Dr Eleanor Janega is super interesting. In fact, I'd recommend reading her whole blog, which is fascinating. She also has a book out (but I've not read it so I can't give a yay or nay on that one)

The Meanings of Sex Difference in the Middle Ages by Joan Cadden seems to be a good source on this, but I've not read it so I can't vouch for it 100%.

I've listed below some real people who could fit into our modern interpretation of transness, and the fact that all of these people were only "outed" when arrested or at their death makes me think that there were probably a lot more people at the time who would also fit into this category. It does feel (to me, a layman) that you could rock up in a new town and go "hello I'm Jeff the Man" and people would just accept that.

It's also important to note that the majority of sources I've found are about people we could define as trans men (FTM). I've only found one person who could be described as a trans woman. If anyone out there has more sources for trans women, I'd love to hear them - specifically in medieval Europe/England.

There's also a big discussion to be had around the idea of women dressing as men to achieve a goal. People love getting into arguments about it. My general rule is that if someone lived as X gender, and was forcibly outed against their will or at death, then I feel we can more safely assume that their experience maps more closely onto a trans narrative than it does one of a woman taking on the "disguise" of a man.

---

TRANS & GNC ACADEMIA

Here's some of the sources I've been using that examine medievalism through a trans or trans-adjacent lens.

Trans and Genderqueer Subjects in Medieval Hagiography, Alicia Spencer-Hall & Blake Gutt - a deep dive/collection of essays about medieval religious figures/saints through a trans lens, specifically about cross-dressing figures. Really fascinating, and available on open access.

How to be a Man, Though Female: Changing Sex in Medieval Romance, Angela Jane Weisl - goes into detail about medieval texts in which characters change their sex.

Transgender Genealogy in Tristan de Nanteuil, Blake Gutt - trans theory in the story Tristan de Nanteuil.

Trans Historical: Gender Plurality before the Modern, edited by Greta LaFleur, Masha Raskolnikov & Anna Kłosowska - A great big examination into trans history/gender. I desperately want this book.

Clothes Make the Man, Female Cross Dressing in Medieval Europe, Valerie R. Hotchkiss (book, no online source available) - Another look into women dressing as men and gender inversion.

The Shape of Sex, Leah DeVun (book) - A history of nonbinary sex, 200 - 1400BC. Not read this one yet but it's on my TBR.

In fact, I'd recommend all of Leah DeVun's work, which I'm currently making my way through. I'm currently reading Mapping the Borders of Sex.

The Third Gender and Aelfric's Lives of Saints, Rhonda L. McDaniel - An examination into the idea of a "third gender" in monastic life based around chastity and spiritualism

Erecting Sex: Hermaphrodites and the Medieval Science of Surgery, Leah DeVun - an essay about "corrective" surgery on intersex individuals in the 13th/14th centuries. (I've not fully read this one yet but the topic is relevant)

----

TRANS FIGURES

Joseph/Hildegund (died 1188) - A monk who, upon his death, was discovered to have a vagina/breasts.

Eleanor Rykener (1394) - A (likely) trans sex worker arrested in 1394 (and another source that isn't wiki)

Katherina Hetzeldorfer (killed 1477) - An early record of a "woman" being executed for female sodomy. Katherina dressed and presented as a man, and some scholars read them as a trans man.

Marinos/Marina the Monk (5th Cent) - A monk who was born a woman and lived as a man in a monastery. Marinos was accused of getting a local innkeeper's daughter pregnant. Their "true sex" was discovered upon their death.

-----

ROMANCES* & GENDER

If you're interested in the idea of gender presentation and trans-adjacent stories, I very much recommend taking a look at some contemporary sources. I've tried to take a sort of neutral approach to pronouns for these descriptions, but it's hard to marry the medieval and modern ideas of sex and gender! The titles are all links.

*Romances here means Chivalric Romances: prose/verse narratives about chivalry, often with fantastic elements. Not, like, falling in love Romances.

Le Roman de Silence (13th Cent) - in order to ensure inheritance, a couple raise their daughter as a boy. The baby is called Silence/Silentius/Silentia. The poem features the forces of Nature and Nurture, who argue about Silence's "true" gender - Nature claims they're a girl, and Nurture claims they're a boy. Silence has a variety of adventures, largely referred to in the text as a man with he/him pronouns, and at the end their "true gender" is discovered and, as a woman, they marry the king.

Yde et Olive (15th Cent) - to avoid being married to their own father, Yde, a woman, disguises themselves as a man and becomes a knight. They end up in Rome, where the king marries them to their daughter, Olive. After a couple of weeks, Yde tells Olive about their "true gender", but the conversation is overheard. The King demands Yde bathe with him to prove they are a man. An angel intervenes and transforms Yde's body into that of a man.

Iphis and Ianthe (Greek/Roman myth, but also in Ovid's Metamorphois, which first came to England in the 15th Cent) - Telethusa is due to give birth, but her husband tells her that if the baby is a girl he'll have it killed. When she gives birth to a girl, she disguises the baby as a boy. Eventually, Iphis is engaged to Ianthe. (Incidentally, this is also a really early example of same-sex romance, as Iphis struggles with their love for Ianthe "as a woman"). Before the wedding, Iphis and Telethusa pray at the temple of Isis, who transforms Iphis into a man.

Tristan de Nanteuil (11th/12th Cent) - from the Chanson de geste, after his alleged death, Tristan's wife, Blanchandin/e, disguises themselves as a Knight. Clarinde, a sultan's daughter, falls in love with them. Blanchandin manages to hide their "true sex", but when Clarinde demands they bathe with her to prove they are a man they flee into the woods. There, they meet an angel who asks if they want to be transformed into a man. Blanchandin accepts and he is turned into a man for the rest of the poem. (Incidentally the angel gives him a giant cock. Yes, the text specifies this).

Le Livre de la mutation de fortune (1403) - written in the first person by Christine de Pizan, the poem describes how the narrator is transformed by Fortune into a man after the death of their husband during a storm at sea. They maintain that 13 years after the event, they are still living as a man. (They also mention Tiresias, a Greek mythological figure who was a man transformed into a woman for seven years).

Okay, for now - that's about all I can think of. Happy reading!

[comicaurora]

I've started making my way through the playlist hbomberguy made of actually good video essays by queer creators and spotted a comment of yours on the one about the relationship between Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, which was fun xD red in the wild!

Anyways, just wanted to appreciate how both you and Blue and you are very good at showing your sources! It's always nice to know that the people you've watched for years have good habits after an event like this, and I hope you guys are among the people that get some new fans after this whole debacle, because your channel definitely qualifies for "good educational videos made by queer people"

I'm glad! Blue's much better about listing his sources and follow-up reading than I am.

To be honest, I loved the video, but my imposter syndrome always flares like crazy when I watch an essay like that. It might be the ADHD or it might just be who I am as a person, but I feel like I've lived my whole life striving to make everything I do the best it can be, and still managing to fuck up and get criticised for things I could've done better if only I never missed anything. It's an actual gut-drop when it turns out a source I used wasn't trustworthy, or when in older videos I only went wiki-deep for some claims and didn't check every source to be 100% sure I wasn't being goat-fish'd. And this being the internet, I can get criticized at any time for things I've gotten wrong years ago, since it's evergreen online and to the new-viewing critic it's as fresh as yesterday. It makes it hard for me to stay proud of my work past the first moment of "oh I would've done that different now". There's a cocktail of complicated, scary feelings around this space, no matter how little I actually have in common with the bad guys of this scenario - it's less about the reality and more about who my imposter syndrome tells me I am. I saw several people saying that the video actually made them feel much better about their own work because it made it clear that accidental plagiarism on that scale is impossible, but if my anxieties listened to reason I would've successfully machete'd them out of my skull years ago. I just hope I never fuck up badly enough to deserve an hbombing of my own.

But my own stress aside, the hbomb essay exposed a level of laxness, laziness and entitlement on the part of these plagiarists that I think is almost incomprehensible to people who actually create for a living or even just the joy of it. How hollow do you have to be to take in someone else's writing and not consider it, digest it, let it reshape your views and then formulate your own interpretation on it, but instead to file off the serial numbers and pretend it's yours, trusting that the person whose thoughts and words you valued enough to steal will never be powerful enough to call you out on it? I go down research rabbit holes because I love the frustration and thrill of putting something together! How joyless it must be to skim the surface and borrow someone else's conclusions!

I've sometimes had people email asking for sources on parts of my interpretation of various myths, possibly in the interest of source-citing for school papers (a nightmare concept in and of itself) and with very few exceptions I usually have to tell them "the only sources were the english translations I used of the primary source where the myth was originally written, like I said in the video, and the part where I said I was conspiracy-boarding has no source other than my own analysis of the given source, which is why I called it conspiracy-boarding" and I was always a little baffled by those emails - half the videos are introduced like "this is The Prose Edda" or "this is in Ovid's Metamorphoses" or "this bit is Hesiod" so what else could they want - but seeing the hbomb of the week made me realize that truly original analysis might not be what most people are expecting from a "thing summarized." They might be expecting a compilation of other people's summaries instead.

[just-j-really]

Another Dreamling fic I'm probably not going to write: amnesia AU, but played for comedy/fluff. Hob forgets everything from the night he met Dream onward because of some sort of curse. Dream decides to look after him until the curse wears off, because he is Being a Good Friend.

So from Hob's perspective, a Mysterious Hot Guy told him he'd see him in 100 years time and then he woke up in the future, with the Mysterious Hot Guy refusing to let him out of his sight.

Hob is under the impression he's being kidnapped/seduced by some fey creature, and "show him the delights the future has to offer" is just how this guy flirts.

Hob is not opposed.

Meanwhile Dream is being dragged along on a whirlwind tour of the year 2023 by a Manic Pixie Dream Medieval Peasant who wants to see absolutely everything there is to see in the future right now immediately.

(I am a little bit thinking of the festival dance scene in Tangled, with Hob as Rapunzel. Only instead of Festival Activities he is enthusiastically dragging Dream around to the various Sights of modern London.)

The Sights in Question are this bizarre mix of 'things a modern person would consider an attraction in modern London' and 'entirely banal parts of modern London' and Hob is having the time of his life. The future has stores full of more food than he's seen??? And types of food he's never seen??? And spices and off-season fruit just sitting there??? And fabric is so soft now???? And medication and pest control are just??? Available??? Life is so rich!!!!

(And on the other hand like. This man was excited about playing cards. Someone please show him an arcade. He is forcing Dream to play every multiplayer game available. Especially the driving ones. Neither of them knows how to drive.)

(Dream takes him to a museum and he's staring at a display from the 14-1500s marveling at how futuristic the technology is. He's actually more excited about that stuff than he is about the whole 'computers' thing because it's close enough for him to have some point of reference.)

(Also sidebar from the comedy- Maybe Dream shows Hob the ruins of the White Horse. Hob stares at the building for a long time, then starts crying. Not outright sobs, just tears steadily slipping down his face like he's not really aware of them. Dream panics and tries to comfort him, mentally kicking himself for showing Hob the one connection to the life he knows in ruins. But Hob, laughing now, explains that this was the first time it really hit him? That he's actually 600 years in the future, not in some fairyland Dream created. And that means that all the disease and starvation and war and world-ending horror he was staring down 600-odd years ago didn't. He was going to grit his teeth and live no matter what but the fact that the world made it here along with him? That humanity's still here? And managed to create antibiotics and planes and chimneys in the meantime? That's a goddamn miracle.)

And Dream is getting dragged along with Hob, at first reluctantly, but slowly falling for Hob's enthusiasm throughout the day/week/whatever. And this version of Hob is like. Outright flirting with him. He's outright flirting with a lot of people, fair, but Dream especially. And of course Dream's having a feeling about it, because of course the version of Hob who doesn't actually know him, doesn't know how cruel he was over the centuries, is the one who'd be interested in him.

The Manic Pixie Dream Medieval Peasant Tour of London ends up taking on a decidedly romantic note, after a few days. And one night, after an evening in a restaurant that Dream knows is one of Hob's favorites, where everyone around them was silently willing them to get a room because the tension between two people who are very carefully sitting on opposite sides of the table and not actually touching, just talking to each other, was far too palpable, Hob caves, and drags Dream into a kiss the second they get back to his flat.

It's a good kiss, and Dream lets himself enjoy it for a moment, because he'll never get to kiss Hob again so at least he can have the memory of this one. Then he gently breaks the kiss and tells Hob, equally gently, that they can't. That Hob doesn't remember the majority of their relationship, how cruel Dream has been to him. That his present self doesn't feel the same way.

And then Hob, who's been staring starry-eyed at Dream this whole conversation, says "I do, though."

And Dream is like "Yes I know you like me now with but the you with your memory intact does not."

And Hob's like "No, I do. I got my memory back right when I kissed you."

And there is, unfortunately, more confusion (Hob explaining that yes he has always liked Dream it's just that 600 years have made him minutely less reckless and also the current him remembers that they are friends and doesn't want to ruin that. But no, Dream is wrong on all counts, he remembers every moment of their friendship and he does like Dream the same way and holy shit??? There is a 'same way'???? Dream wanted to keep kissing him????)

And then they clear all that up and live happily ever after.

(Yes it was a True Love's Kiss thing)

[azuresage]

It gets talked about a lot but I still can't stop nerding out about Link's characterization in TotK. It's done through his many creative dialogue choices and his expressions of course, but it's also done so subtly through what he *doesn't* say. Notably, he doesn't talk about himself. And this is why nobody recognizes him unless they've already met him. Because he doesn't tell them when they've got the wrong impression of him.

The meme about Link having Tony Hawk syndrome is so real. People will look at him and straight up say, "Wow, you look exactly like Link!" without a hint of irony. Lookout Landing has a detailed picture of his face in their watchtower and the search party still doesn't recognize him. Penn works with Link for a long time and thinks he's unlucky that the Yiga keep "mistaking" him for the Hero (granted, Traysi asked him to deliberately keep quiet, but Penn still didn't put two and two together himself). I think the reason for this, aside from it being really, really funny, is that Link just doesn't talk about himself. He doesn't feel the need to.

Characterization isn't just about what we see a character doing, it's also about how other characters respond to them. Link is so unassuming and humble that he doesn't match people's expectations of what "Link" should be like. The three Gerudo ladies hanging out around Outskirt Stable are one of many perfect examples. Link stands in front of them carrying the Master Sword, but they expect the Hero to be taller than they are, with a giant glowing sword, so they don’t believe it's him. Obviously that's not the reality, but they don't know that. Link doesn't correct them, either. Again, he doesn't feel the need to.

This is also why many NPCs from BotW don't recognize or remember Link. To them, he was just a passerby that did them a good turn once 6+ years ago. Nobody's going to remember a person like that for so long after. They had no way of knowing he was the Hero, unless it came up for story quest reasons. When they hear stories about the Princess's Appointed Knight who woke up from his 100 year nap, defeated the Calamity, and rescued Zelda, they imagine someone larger than life. Then when they see what Link actually is like, they can't put two and two together.

This is true even during the Hyrule Restoration efforts. Link always follows behind Zelda as her shadow, which she notes in her diary, but the people in the stable investigation quests and in Hateno don't recognize him either, even though he went everywhere she did. Link is just that unassuming. He resigns himself to being a shadow, allowing Zelda to take the lead and do as she pleases but always staying nearby to support and protect her. He doesn't need to be recognizable to do his job. And we know from both BotW and now TotK that he's wholly devoted to her. He's content with this. Many people more eloquent than I have spent many paragraphs elaborating on this. I just wanted to focus on what it says about his character.

Link is humble and unassuming, so much so that nobody believes that he's the Hero unless they already know him. He's devoted to Zelda, so much so that he's willing to do anything to chase even a glimpse of her. He doesn't talk about himself or correct people who have the wrong impression of him. He doesn't need to do that to chase his Zelda. He is a person of great humility in spite of his station. I think that's so interesting and neat how the comedy of him being unrecognizable also tells us all this about him. It's also cool how this is only one aspect of him; all the dialogue choices and expressions he makes during cutscenes and actions out in the world show a whole other, lighter side to him that meshes with this. It's all so good. I am in love with it. It always kills me inside when people dismiss his characterization as being nonexistant or flat just because it's not spoonfed to them or when they say Link being unrecognizable is lazy writing instead of a deliberate choice. I am biting and gnawing and gnashing over him and his relationship to Zelda. I love them so much.

[danger-bird]

Touchstarved Astrology Headcanons🌠

Mostly based on my own irl observations over the years, as well as my bookworm era a few years ago . Also taking into account my own impressions & feelings for the LIs, so sufficiently biased and I'm not sorry. In the words of Danny DeVito: "I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it!" /lovingly❤️

Ais

Venus in Virgo. Period. I'm dying on this hill. Fight me. No but fr, first he's a diehard animal lover and will jump into a dog fight to save a puppy. Second, he's giving "mother hen" behavior - says "watch your step", then grabs you when you trip and scolds you "told you to watch your step"(Virgo 101); sends you off with an ESCORT, jumps in fists first when the roughneck tries fighting you then hides you from the purple gang later and escorts you back himself - need I say more? Not to mention he VERY likely helped Kuras save us (his scent lingers in the clinic when MC wakes up), and helps in the clinic regularly (so a part-time nurse, most likely helped save Mhin too). Also, he was definitely watching over us even before the Seaspring (the scarred woman knew our name from somewhere, also the Unnamed can feel Ocudeus' presence outside the clinic). He craves taking care of someone - people, animals, soulless, poor unfortunate souls - you name it. And it's not for show - that's just how he is. That's how he shows love - by being attentive. All my favorite people have this placement, they're all like him in this regard - best Venus placement imo (yes, I'm a biased Venus in Taurus, BUT I'm also right, lol)

Scorpio Ascendant I mean... come on. Come on. He's LITERALLY a gang leader! Not that anybody needs convincing, but aside from the sharp, intense eyes and the fact he oozes sex appeal, this would place his Sun in 10th House- he is known publicly as a leader, his presence demands respect and attracts attention. BDE for sure. Also he's very smart, intuitive and observant. Very aware of his surroundings, can pick up on people's moods & intentions like it's nothing. I'm convinced he can literally read our mind. A smart, sexy and caring bastard, lord help me...

Kuras

Virgo Signature sign Kuras is very service-oriented, focused on helping the community and always looking for ways to assist others. Very mindful of people’s problems and what they’re in need of - and ready to provide it, no matter what it may cost him. He’s also very polite, but comes off rigid, like he’s read “Social Etiquette for Humans 101” and is following it to the letter lol. Also kinda nerdy – has his special interests, and if you let him he’ll talk about reductions and concoctions all day, every day. I don't think it's a specific placement that influences this behavior, it's the whole picture, thus - a signature sign!

Saturn Dominant This man is a Capricorn already, sure, but there’s a difference. Capricorn placements have an inner spark, a fire about them – they’re ambitious and driven while being practical and disciplined. Saturn, however, is a dry and dark, malefic - almost apocalyptic planet. It’s the last visible planet – the gatekeeper of the divine knowledge (depicted by the outer planets). It represents time, boundaries, a sense of duty and responsibility, guilt and the consequences of one's actions. A symbol of Kronos and the Devil, it represents the falling of God, the grotesque expression of divinity. Kuras has a curious mind, fascinated by science and humanity, and in light of the Kuras character lore (and his not-too-subtle mischievousness) he def has strong Uranus & Jupiter influence as well. But the Saturnian themes in particular parallel the themes and main conflict in his story most strongly.

Mercury Retrograde I had to. The way he's so precise and eloquent, but roundabout when he talks? How he's so tight-lipped and takes his sweet time before answering a question? Mercury retrograde, 100 percent. I don't make the rules.

Mhin

Moon in 1st House. How do I know? I have it. The color of printer paper (the sun hates us), emotions written all over their entire existence and impossible to hide, as well as rather intense emotional outbursts? Yes, yes and yes. Big-time tsundere? Yes. Big softy, too? Yes. We could be twins, honestly. I stg they have a crush on Ais, but unlike with Kuras they're not happy about it. I dunno, call it twin telepathy. The Christmas photo doesn't help either.

Water moon, most likely in Cancer. Not Scorpio, because their emotions fluctuate rapidly, and are overtly moody. The difference between big waves and a rip current, for example. But more so, this makes for a Sun-Moon square - the dissonance and lack of harmony between their outer persona and their inner needs and desires is clear. They have difficulty expressing their emotions, not difficulty as in showing them, but in a way where they come off wrong and get interpreted the wrong way. Very protective, like a smol soft crabbie shielding themselves with their shell. Pushes people away consciously, but hoping for someone to have enough of a "spine" to handle them and protect them, giving them a safe space to finally relax. Most of all they need love, reassurance and acceptance (my poor little meow meow💙)

Mars square Mercury That Mercury is in Aries, you can't tell me otherwise. The extra 'angry' coming from Mars in Capricorn is helping, too. But not only that, it also makes a square to their Sun AND an opposition to their Moon - a T-square, a highly difficult & stressful configuration. The Mars is in Capricorn because they like a partner with authority and attitude (Cap in 7th), and it makes for good synastry with Kuras (my cutie patooties). Also for how small they are, they're very agile and skilled with knifes (ruled by Mars).

Leander

Venus conjunct Pluto. Sexy. Magnetic. He pulls you in with the gravitational force of his tits. These people are the definition of an intense lover. Obsessive and hungry for love - and pain, equally, very big on extreme and overwhelming sensations. You have a terrible curse? Oooh, danger - gimme! You can never give them too much attention - they want it all, and they're not sharing. Possessive, wants to draw you into their little world and keep you for themselves.

Leo Ascendant, for a few reasons. I was initially thinking Libra, but after looking at everything, I decided on Leo. He has a noble presence - not surprising considering his upbringing. He's a very charismatic talker, well-spoken, lovely voice, can charm anyone into trusting him (Libra in 3rd coming through). To his credit, he takes his work seriously and comes off as a reliable boss (Cap in 6th, also Taurus in 10th). He wants to take care of people... or rather, wants to be seen as a savior. I really see him as a Gemini-Cancer cusp, but technically he's a Cancer so his sun will be in 12th house. It’s a house of self-undoing, the afterlife, illusions - ego and reality go to disintegrate here. All that connects into the life-and-death theme surrounding him and his design. The sun here becomes a fantasy, a goal rather than reality – a dream of being a leader, a hero, someone who people look up to for help and answers. He’s really giving Jesus-wannabe, with the resurrection and savior complex he has going on, as well as the over-the-top generosity. A big red crab, with a big red flag... and the tits to match (Cancer rules the booba).

Vere

Venus conjunct Midheaven, Midheaven being in Scorpio. With Sun in Scorpio. Lots of Scorpio. He’s so pretty! Pretty in an elegant, sensual, effortless yet manicured to perfection way. Apparently, the BBC (Big Bulky Collar) on him does not signal “DANGER!” to the rascals who take him for an easy target, because all they see is the approachable, delicate face and inviting voice. He knows the effect he has on people, and he’s using it to his advantage – to get a free drink, or to make people trust him juuust enough to get what he wants. He is attracted to power, powerful people, and wants power for himself – and he’s ruthless about achieving his goals, too (Scorpio in 10th); there’s a lot of gossip surrounding this man’s public image, his reputation. Venus conjunct Midheaven places a focus on art – he is an artist, appreciates art as well as creating it himself. He IS the art, or that’s the perception of him anyway.

Venus in Scorpio As Venusian as he appears, Venus is in detriment here – there’s conflicting emotions regarding his looks, and the perception of him – or rather, the expectations placed on him because of it. He'll break rules on purpose, act outrageous, play coy, use his beaty for all its worth – he’ll purposefully play the ‘bad guy’ as a form of rebellion, a defense mechanism. He can’t find comfort in a traditional relationship dynamic and has a hard time liking someone who likes them back - he’s afraid of commitment. I believe his confidence is a façade; there’s an underlying fear of betrayal and rejection, and a paranoia that any good thing that comes his way is a trick, a trap, or a lie. That he doesn’t deserve love or care, really. Buuut… if you’re like Ais and see him for all his ‘ugly’, and accept him anyway… then you’re really something💜.

1525 words. Yikes. I tried keeping the word count down.

Unsuccessful. Obviously.

If you’ve read this far, go have some water, a snack, a stretch – you deserve it! Doctor’s orders!!!

.

.

P.S. : Ais' side profile sprite is giving me "ex-punk mom wearing a cozy cardigan", is it just me? Anyone? Are you seeing it? Am I crazy? Do I need help?...

...I'll see myself out.

.

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[oddly-casual]

Gaap Goemon appreciation post/ Character Analysis

because I need y'all to hype him up as much as I do.

I was a fan of the Mairimashita Iruma Kun anime many moons ago, and just recently I got back into it. Finished the manga. Walked away loving the entire Misfit class. Most of all, I see a criminal lack of Gaap content. So, here's why I love Gaap and why I think you should too.

By all accounts, there isnt a whole lot of focus or information about Gaap that goes beyond the depth of a kiddy pool. (It's like that for most of the misfits tbh...) Still, Gaap gets more focus than most.

Kindness and care:

The thing about Gaap that stands out the most, is how much of a natural caretaker this kid is.

He greets everyone he meets with respect. Often using the honorific "Dono" Which google tells me translates to "Lord" or "Master". Almost every time he greets somebody he always has an offer of Hell tea and onigiri. He always makes sure to take care of his guests and his friends. This kid has no shortage of manners. So polite.

In the Harvest Festival arc, Gaap is the one who goes out to save the other students even when Agares has valid points about why rescuing a bunch of demons they dont know wouldn't benefit them in any way. In the festival, where the entire point is to be a cut above the rest, what did Gaap do?

We see little examples of Gaap's kindness. How he defends his friends and is usually on the front lines whenever someone's well-being is cause for concern.

This boy is the mom friend who always had a painkiller and a stack of bandaids on hand. He's such a mom friend that he canonically fights with Jazz when it comes to taking care of their classmates. (They both have a caretaker complex.)

It's also the way Gaap responds to stress! In the Heartbreaker arc, Gaap is paired up with two first-years who won't stop fighting. This obviously stresses the boy out, because he had high expectations of getting along with his first years, but it didn't turn out that way.

The first thing Gaap does is try to offer them food, something we see Gap do to Agares when he snaps at him. When the offer of food doesnt work, he instead tries to assure the first years that everything will be fine. Even if Gaap isn't confident, his first instinct is to try to appeal to and take care of people. Even if that's not what they want.

It’s interesting, because Gaap doesn’t physically get in between them, like you would expect him to do. He avoids conflict when it gets physical, despite being such a capable fighter. (Though when it comes to saving others, he has no problem acting.)

Friends and Habits:

We get to know Gaap the most when he's around other people. Obviously, because he's a secondary character. I think another aspect of this is because Gaap is a social creature, he thrives around people. We rarely see Gaap standing alone and this makes sense because his goal is to have 100 allies.

In the demon world, we know that demons usually dont care about saving or helping others if it doesnt help them. Nor do they have the drive to see their efforts to the end, because they get bored rather quickly. Gaap breaks out of this status quo, along with the rest of the Misfits, by stubbornly pushing towards his goal even when the fruits of his labor dont bloom right away.

The biggest showcase of this drive is the person Gaap takes care of the most, that we know of.

Chapter 111 shows us that Gaap came to Agares' house every day. check it, every day. Gaap would go out of his way with breakfast and pick Agares up so he could make it to class.

Agares clearly doesnt want to go, but Gaap takes him anyway, refusing to leave him behind. From what we can guess, he's been doing it before they started training together. Which could mean Gaap didn't know this kid, but saw he wasn't going to class and went to go take care of him. (Classic extrovert adopting their introvert friend).

We see how that kindness affects Agares as a result. Agares feels guilty when he snaps at Gaap and goes out of his way to visit Gaap when he doesn't show up for class. (This could also mean Agares went to class on his own, without Gaap having to force him.)

Agares was also willing to help the people Gaap saved. Even when telling Gaap not to go out and save those people, Agares still houses them, keeps them safe, and even plans an escape route for the other students when things look bad. It's a lot of hassle for a character who hates being bothered. Gaap's kindness is contagious, even if it's not obvious at first glance.

Oh, Maybe He's Kinda Fucked Up?

No one escapes childhood unscathed.

Gaap is a caretaker, he does it happily. Even so, when you put yourself in the position to take care of others, there are parts of yourself that fall into neglect that you dont realize.

After the Heartbreaker arc (Chapter 272), Gaap is noticeably absent. We find out later, what happens when you fuck with the nice guy too much.

Maybe it was his crushed expectations, the stress of failing and losing, or maybe Gaap was just tired of being nice but he goes apeshit. Accidentally slipping into his Wicked cycle and nearly driving two students mad with his fucked up face.

We learn that showing your true face is a big no-no in the Gaap household. It's literally written on the walls, and Gaap feels immense shame and embarrassment that he broke a family rule.

He hides his face in his hands, and puts a bag over his face when Agares comes over. He's afraid of hurting someone again, even though the stress of those events have passed.

We dont know his parents' reaction, (because aint no way they dont know) Whether Gaap was disciplined by his parents or not, Gaap put this huge weight on his shoulders. Not blaming the stress of the situation, but blaming himself for losing control.

Gaap specifically said, “I panicked”. Which could mean that with all the stressors, he snapped and just lashed out. Gaap didn't willingly enter his wicked phase, I think he just gave in to his instincts. His bloodline originally started by warding off predators with their maddening appearance. What is panic if not your brain responding as if your body is in danger?

Despite Gaap reasonably getting upset, he still feels terrible for the trouble he caused and the students he hurt. The first thing he did after waking up was to ask if he could apologize to the first years for mentally scarring them.

Gaap’s ambition is to make 100 allies. It's pretty sweet. When a teenager says it(Gaap looks 17 yrs old), It just sounds like he wants to have friends. Pair this up with the fact that Gaap rarely asks for anything in return, and suddenly his wanting a ton of friends makes sense for someone who looks his age. Gaap takes care of people because he wants them to like him. (Even if he can drive them away with how much he cares.)

I have no idea where this desire comes from. If it's something his family drills into him, to be sociable and network, or if it's just a personal goal because of his ugly ahh face.

Regardless, this moment makes me want to lie down on the road while it rains:

Despite how much his ambition means to him, he is willing to isolate himself as long as it means no one else gets hurt. This speaks to his good intentions. It isn't just about the popularity or all the favors he could have from knowing so many demons. It's about forming genuine relationships with other demons and providing them a soft place to land and build community.

Look at my son, he tries so hard.

My final point:

Look at how cool he is. This is Chapter 76, my boy came out the gate swinging with powerful bloodline magic. He's got the position, he's got technique, he's got flare. What more could you ask for?

Gaap started out as rank 2, and since then has had no problem leveling himself up. Gaap always stays on his feet (Hence his nickname Busy Body), not letting himself fall behind his classmates. He aced his training and had since learned to use Wind as a companion and not as a tool. He even developed a full-range attack where he can pick which targets get hit by his swing and which dont. He is leveling up in the world. Dont hurt em now Gaap.

Conclusion:

I'm the equivalent of those parents who show off pictures of their kids from their wallet.

Gaap as a character, in the story he's in, isn't anything really new or groundbreaking. Even still, in a story like Mairimashita Iruma-Kun, the Misfit class are demons that are different. We get to learn why they're different, and how they learn to overcome these challenges despite how they threaten to hold them back.

Gaap is a good kid that you watch succeed from the background. We see him struggle and fall apart, but he never stops caring about others in that process. He's that good-natured kid in your life that you hope succeeds because in a cruel world, they make the decision to be kind.

If anyone made it this far, slay. Even if you never noticed Gaap before, I hope you have a new appreciation for his character. Nishi took time and love to write him out, I think that deserves attention too.

[scientia-rex]

Hysteria isn't a fucking thing

ok fun fact: I'm rapidly becoming a cult favorite doctor among our local privileged elderly white ladies, which I have mixed feelings about, but the #1 reason is that I just don't leap to "anxiety" as an explanation for symptoms unless the patient tells me "I am anxious, and then I feel these symptoms, and when I am not anxious, I don't feel these symptoms."

The sheer number of women I've seen who've been told for years to decades that the only thing wrong with them is anxiety is fucking staggering, in this Year Of Our Lord 2023, and I just keep digging. We checked a basic lab panel, sure. CBC. No anemia. CMP. Kidneys are fine. (Electrolytes are basically always going to be fine if someone is well enough to walk into my office under their own power to talk to me. Exception is mild chronic hyponatremia.) And we check thyroid. TSH and free T4. We check blood sugar. A1c, if the fasting is a little weird. Fasting insulin, if I'm still suspicious. We check cortisol. Inflammatory markers--ESR and CRP.

And eventually, if the symptoms support it, or right away, depending on my level of suspicion, we check rheumatological labs for abnormal autoimmune function. Anti-nuclear antibody. Rheumatoid factor. There's at least a dozen you can check, and which ones you should check is always a matter of debate and also of expertise that I 100% lack. We are out in the sticks. There are no "local" rheumatologists for me to send people to.

But a couple of weeks ago I found a woman--she has bipolar disorder and has been told for decades that's all that's wrong with her--who has an anti-centromere antibody titer that's fucking through the roof. I found an anxious 19-year-old with an ANA of 1:1380. And yesterday I found out why a sweet elderly woman I've seen for a year or two now started feeling crappy months ago: her rheumatoid factor is over 90.

Rheumatological disorders are always difficult. Our understanding of them varies from "pretty good, actually, and here are useful treatments" to "Well I Guess That Exists." Labs aren't always a slam-dunk and even labs plus symptoms can give you misleading impressions. Your immune system can decide that virtually any short chunk of protein is an enemy, and the problem with that is that your body is made up of many, many, many short chunks of proteins, so the odds that you'll develop some kind of antibody against yourself just keeps going up over your lifetime. Immune disorders tend to travel in packs; there's a clear genetic element to it, so the more first-degree relatives (parent, sibling, child) you have with any kind of autoimmune disorder (including Type 1 diabetes), the higher your risk of any kind of autoimmune disorder is, and if you already have one autoimmune disorder, you're at higher risk for developing another one.

But I think it's precisely because they're difficult that a lot of mainstream primary care prefers to pretend they don't exist, rather than try to sift through the utter fucking mess that is Mixed Connective Tissue Disorders, a title that has fallen out of favor since I learned it in my third year of med school. And women are at higher risk for autoimmune disorders than men. And older women are at higher risk than younger women.

So if I, as a family doc, just keep digging, just keep poking at the tangled knot of symptoms, there's a decent chance I will uncover something interesting. Hopefully something treatable. Sometimes we have nothing to treat with, and I just get to offer someone more understanding of their disorder, which feels pretty paltry but is better than the casual dismissal of "You're just anxious."

Never, ever, ever take anxiety as a diagnosis for a symptom other than anxiety. Not even as a rule-out. Keep those symptoms as an open question mark on the patient. Don't say "anxiety" just so you can close the door. And damn sure don't do it to women.

I'm actively working on learning more so I can be more helpful, in our Rheum-less community, so if you have good lectures or books, please drop me a lead.

[jazzthatonewriterchick]

Rock The Boat 🛳️(Bartender!Toji x Black!Fem!Reader 18+ One Shot)

Pairing: Toji Fushigiro x Black!Fem!Reader (Strangers to Lovers)

Synopsis: You go on a cruise vacation after your boyfriend cheats on you and meets Toji, the fine-ass bartender & divorcee. You're invited to a white party that he’s working at and while there, you find yourself flirting with him thanks to the liquid courage. After slipping him a note with room number, you wait for him that night. At first, you believe that he isn’t coming and feel rejected, but when he does, you realize that this vacation is just what you need to get over your heartbreak. 

Warnings: Smutty Smut; 18+ (MINORS GTFO); Black-coded!Reader; Flirting; Alcohol Consumption; Dom!Toji/sub!Reader; Drunk Sex; Oral (Giving & Receiving); Spitting; Toji Drinks Patron Off Your Tits & P*ssy; Daddy Kink; Spanking; Mild Choking; Backshots On Balcony; Exhibitionism; Missionary; Doggystyle; Unprotected Sex; Raw Creampie; Aftercare; Mild Yuki x Choso

Writer’s Note: I’ve had this idea for a minute now & wanted to write it cuz I’m a whore for balcony sex. Also, I just started my college courses so my writing updates may slow down a bit, BUT I’ll still be writing as much as I can. -Jazz

*********

You sit next to the lonely soul with the horrible comb-over at the pool bar, your cheek in your hand and your brain taking you to places other than here with him.

Like in the pool of appetizingly blue water with the rest of the cruisers or at the spa getting a massage and a mud mask done. 

“I just don’t think women realize how much they can hurt men by treating them like sex objects, y’know? Like, yes, I understand that men can do it too, but I believe that’s only because men are testing women! They want to weed out the real women and the quote-on-quote “whores”. I thought my ex-wife was a real woman, but…”

To anyone watching, it’d look like you’re intently listening to the man (a divorced investment banker, as he told you) discuss his extremely sexist, incel-like views and ideologies, but your eyes are about a second away from rolling out of your skull. 

Your eyes flit to where you left Yuki, your bestie and partner in crime, at the poolside only to find her flirting with the cute guy you met yesterday standing in line to get dinner at the buffet. He has a black mullet, inked muscles, and a lip piercing that no doubt is getting Yuki interested. You believe his name is Choso. 

Yuki lays back on her pool chair in her black bikini and sunglasses, flashing Choso a smile that makes him blush and sheepishly rub the back of his neck. 

You curse your friend for having such an easy time flirting with cute guys while you’re stuck sitting in the middle of this middle-aged divorcee’s tirade of ignorant thoughts that you no doubt know his people refuse to listen to, so that’s why he’s telling you about them. 

“Most women are gold diggers nowadays and only seem to focus on the outside instead of the inside,” he laments into his vodka spritzer. “That’s why I’m so glad you’re not like that. As nice-looking as you are, you’re still sitting here talking to me.” He gives you a smile that makes you feel bad because he is 100% wrong. 

Not that you’re a gold digger, but you absolutely would want to talk to someone you classify as ‘eye candy’, like Choso. Especially someone who doesn’t make you want to take a gun to your forehead. But you return the smile, forcing it as much as you can. The divorcee turns to the bar and waves his hand. “A third, please!” He calls. 

With him distracted, you take a sip of your tequila sunrise, wanting desperately to get another. You curse Yuki even more for encouraging you to flirt even though this is what a singles’ cruise is supposed to be about: flirting, romancing, and fucking people that you’ll never see again. 

Yuki had come up with the idea for you two to vacay on the water for seven days on a boat about five months ago when you were still healing from your boyfriend’s betrayal. After three years of dating and hoping to live together to begin your lives, you discovered that he had been cheating on you after a random chick contacted you over IG with photos of him asleep in her bed. 

“I don’t want to keep him,” she told you. “I just wanted you to know what was going on.” Apparently, he had met her at a club and things took off from there. Of course, he denied it until you showed him photos. Then it was the waterworks, the “I’m so sorry”s, and then empty promises of never doing it again. 

But of course, dogs will be dogs. As soon as you broke it off, you found him posted up in a strip club between two dancers’ fat asses. You blocked him with the quickness, permanently taking him out of your life, but that didn’t stop the heartbreak, the betrayal, and the lonely nights when you desperately wanted to call. 

Tired of seeing you moping around your shared apartment all gloom and doom, Yuki found the perfect solution: “Let’s go on a singles’ cruise!” She bellowed to you over coffee one morning. “It’s for seven days, we dock at Jamaica, the Dominican Republic, and St. Martin, and all that is on the boat are hot singles wanting to meet other hot singles like us!” 

You thought it was a stupid plan. You haven’t been away from home since your teens when you flew to Mexico for a family vacay. But then again, it would be nice to get out of the city and see new sights. And maybe the water and hot guys would help cure your heartbreak. So you agreed, split the payment with Yuki, packed your cutest swimsuits and sundresses, and now here you are! 

Here you are trying to think of a good way to tell this drunk divorcee that it was nice chatting with him, but you’re due for a dip in the pool curiosity of the skimpy, cut-out one-piece that Yuki made you buy for the thong and deep V-neck that makes your breasts look immaculate. 

You sip your drink for liquid courage, but you’re stopped when a deep, silky yet raspy voice comes from behind the bar: “Apologies for this, sir,” he says, “but you’ve reached your limit on your drink card. I can’t serve you anymore till you get that taken care of.” Both you and the divorcee turn to stare in shock at the bartender standing behind the tiki bar…and he’s by far the finest man you’ve ever seen. 

He’s tall, he’s buff, and he’s got eyes and a voice that would make any woman cream her panties. Standing about 6-foot something, he towers over you as you sit on your barstool. His toned body fills out his Hawaiian shirt and khakis, his thick thighs and pecs pushing up against the fabric. You see yourself running your fingers through his black hair or the scar running over the corner of his lips. Veins run up and down his arms and big, calloused hands that pass the drink card back to the divorcee who looks red in the face. 

“W-What?!” the divorcee stammers. “But that’s impossible! I specifically ordered a card for unlimited drinks!” The bartender shrugs, not looking the least bit apologetic or sympathetic. “Well, ya may not remember, but I had warned you at the casino bar to be careful orderin’ all of those drinks, especially since you only docked the boat yesterday.” 

The divorcee opens his mouth to say more and the buff bartender raises an eyebrow, waiting for a rebuttal. Instead, the divorced banker snatches his card up, downs the rest of his drink, and scurries off back to the pool. You turn to the bartender who shakes his head disappointedly. “Don’t worry ‘bout him,” he says, turning to you. “He’s just a lonely, drunk soul. All he does is bother the single girls.” 

He pauses, picking up a shaker and vigorously shaking it as he speaks. “I’m assumin’ you’re single?” He questions, obviously fishing for a conversation. You raise an eyebrow at him, wondering what he’s getting at. “I am,” you reply. “Why? You interested?” 

The bartender stifles a chuckle as he opens the shaker and pours some orange liquid into a frosted daiquiri glass. “That would be overstepping, wouldn’t it?” He rhetorically asks. “I mean, you’re a customer and this is my job. It wouldn’t be…” He pauses, passing you another tequila sunrise. “Proper.” 

He gives you a smirk, the very tiny movement making your insides flutter. He’s just too damn fine! “My treat,” he says. “No payment required.” Hesitantly, you take the new glass while he takes your old one and passes it off to get washed. ”What is this?” You chuckle. “You buyin’ me a drink?” 

“Makin’ one, actually,” he corrects you as he passes two people some club sodas. “And to make you feel better after that guy got on ya nerves.” He ticks his intensely brown eyes up to yours. “You looked like ya needed a hand.” 

You titter into your glass, already feeling the tequila taking its toll, making you talk shit. “A hand?” You parrot. “I was actually handling that, thank you very much.” 

The bartender, who you realize is still a stranger to you, laughs at this. The deep, sexy rumble of the sound makes you feel hot in your swimsuit. “Oh, yeah, ‘cause you were doing such a great job,” he sarcastically replies. “That man would’ve talked you to death.” 

You purse your lips at him, wondering if you should send the drink back or toss it in his face. “And who are you?” You sharply ask. It’s more rhetorical, but he answers anyway: “Toji Fushigiro.” He reaches one of his big hands out across the bar towards you. “Pleasure to meet you, uh…” He trails off, allowing you to fill the space with your name. You hesitantly eye his hand before tentatively reaching out to shake it. “Y/N,” you say, ignoring the zing of electricity zipping through your arm at his rough palm and firm grip. “Nice to meet you too.” 

“Mmm, I’m sure,” Toji replies and you quirk a questionable brow at him. “I make the best drinks on this boat,” he explains with a shrug as he retracts his hand. You suddenly feel cold despite the hot sun beaming down on you. “You’ll be even happier you’ve met me once you get a taste of the cocktails I can whip up.” 

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “Oh, really? You talk such big game that I almost don’t believe you.” You take a sip of your drink, aware that he made it and it’s the best damn tequila sunrise you’ve ever had. It puts the one you had earlier made by another bartender to shame. 

A spark suddenly appears behind Toji’s eyes. One of…interest? Mirth? Curiosity? Whatever it is, it makes you feel exposed despite your bathing suit and cover-up. “It ain’t ‘big game’, Y/N,” he says, your name sounding like a sin coming off of his tongue. “When I talk, it ain’t shit. It’s all real and from experience.” 

You watch his hands quickly fix another drink, grabbing, whisking, mixing, etc. He is obviously a pro at this. You can’t imagine what his fingers could do to you in the darkness of a bedroom. Realizing where your thoughts are headed, you mentally kick yourself. He’s a whole stranger and you’re thinking about fucking him! 

‘Get it together,’ you think. You still haven’t even read him or his intentions yet. Though he’s undeniably hot with hands that you’d love to feel wrapped around your neck, a body you want on top of yours, and a voice that you know has delicious moans, you don’t know how you feel about sleeping with a guy you barely know. You at least want to get to know more about him.

So you play along, twirling your straw around your glass. “Oh, really?” you ask, a purr in your voice. “I’d say prove it, but you already fixed me a drink and you look kinda busy.” 

To slowly take the straw into your mouth, wrapping your plump, glossy lips around it. Toji watches, not so subtly staring dead at your mouth. His eyes tick back up to yours as if he just realized that he’s working and he smirks. “Not enough for you,” he replies. 

Before he can do absolutely anything though, his phone rings in his back pocket. He looks visibly frustrated, his brows narrowing and the corner of his mouth that is scarred twitching. “Shit,” he sighs. “Duty calls, I’m afraid.” 

You find yourself feeling disappointed that he’s leaving too. “But listen,” he continues, passing you a white card from behind the bar. You take it and read it, realizing that it’s an invitation. “I’m gonna be workin’ at an all-white party later tonight, adults only. It’ll start at 8 PM, but I suggest comin’ around 10 if you want the best drinks. That’s when my shift starts.” 

His smirk, sparked with playfulness and mischief, widens. You contemplate your decision for a bit before you give him a smile. “Alright then,” you agree. “I’ll see you then, Toji.” You take a final sip of your drink and pass it to him. As he reaches for it and grabs it, your fingers brush against each other. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but you believe you see him inhale sharply through his nostrils as if your touch has burned him. 

I’ll be lookin’ forward to it,” he murmurs. “Enjoy the drink and the pool, Y/N.” He gives you a wink before he heads off to clean your glasses, leaving you feeling lightheaded and tingly all over. 

When you meet up with Yuki by the pool, you feel like you need to take a dip to cool yourself off. She sits up in her chair, putting her sunglasses on her head. “Whatcha get?” she asks. “A number from that hot bartender, I hope.” She grins at you, signaling that she’d been watching you the whole time. 

With a secretive smile, you silently pass her the invite and her eyes go wide.m“A party invite?!” she gasps, grinning up at you. “Girl, he wants you! Now we have to go! You brought a white dress with you, right?” 

And so Yuki drags you to the nearest shop on the boat to get the perfect outfit for tonight. 

***********

As soon as you arrive at the all-white party with Yuki, you want to go back to your room and sleep almost immediately. 

Number one it’s because the music is waaay too loud. While you’re a fan of rolling your windows down and blasting your music in your car, it’s not enough to blow out your eardrums. But this music is. And number two, the pool is waaaay too crowded. There has to be about one hundred guests here tonight all dressed in their finest white outfits under the strobe lights. They surround the pool and the tiki bar where the bartenders must be working overtime. 

You look towards the bar, hoping to at least see a glimpse of Toji. Admittedly, he was the only reason you decided to buy the dress Yuki pressed you into trying on before you came down here with Yuki after filling your stomachs at supper. 

Before the party, you and Yuki attended a delicious lobster dinner and pre-gamed with cocktails before going upstairs to get dressed. She’s decked out in a flowing white dress that hugs her toned body oh-so nicely and strappy sandals, her flowing, blonde hair cascading down her back in soft curls. She looks damn good. 

You feel like you do too. Standing in the bathroom mirror in your cabin, you slid your hands down your sides in your mini white halter dress with a chiffon skater skirt that stops mid-thigh and ties around your neck in a cute bow. The V-neck leaves a silver of cleavage that eyes are drawn to (unbeknownst to you) because of the long gold chain you added to match your hoop earrings and strappy heels. 

After applying some Fenty Glossbomb to make your lips look plump and juicy, some shimmer oil to make your brown skin pop, and piling your braids into a bun at the top of your head, you felt sexy. Goddess-like. Good enough to eat. But even now, despite still looking hot, you don’t quite feel it. You can already feel yourself becoming overstimulated by the crowd and disappointed at not seeing Toji. “Well, it’s 10:02 and he’s not here,” you announce, checking your phone. 

Yuki pets your shoulder like you’re a cat, intending to comfort you. “He’s probably just late,” she assures you, looking around for someone in particular before pouting. “Choso isn’t here yet either. C’mon, let’s get a drink.” 

She drags you over to the tiki bar, scouting out two stools at the end of the bar. You anxiously tap your finger against your knee, your anxiety rising along with the sound of the music and miscellaneous conversations as people get drunker. Suddenly, the idea of meeting Toji with the intention of flirting and possibly having casual sex doesn’t feel like a good idea. 

“Yuki, I don’t know about this,” you sigh, leaning in towards her ear. “I haven’t dated or slept with anyone since the breakup.” Your friend furrows her blonde brows at you, her eyes soft. “And that’s okay!” she replies. “All it takes is a little push. Bartender, a round of tequila over here, please!” 

She waves one manicured hand at a pixie of a bartender and she nods, running to get your order. She then turns to you, cocking her head to the side. “That Toji guy looked like he’s exactly what you need, but you need to give him a try, Y/N! Besides, even if he doesn’t show, you’ve got plenty of dudes in here who will gladly spend the night with you as fine as you look!” 

She motions her hand up and down your legs; thighs; boobs; face; even your feet. “What have you got to lose?” She asks and the question stumps you. Really, nothing. You already lost your relationship. And maybe a trip filled with hot sex would be just the trick to help you out of your slump of heartbreak. 

But even so, the anxious, paranoid part of you still lingers on the ‘what ifs’. What if he isn’t interested? What if he turns out to be a creep? What if he tosses you over the balcony into the shark-infested waters? ….Okay, maybe that’s just your ID Channel obsession talking, but still! 

Even now, your lips wobble, prepared to protest against Yuki’s encouraging speech. “But—“ 

“Hey there, can I buy you two pretty ladies some drinks?” A mildly familiar, sexy, deep voice suddenly asks near your ear. You turn around, prepared to either agree, say no, or jump down the man’s throat, but your words die in your throat when you see Toji leaning against the bar behind you. 

And he looks yummier than he did earlier. He decided to wear white too—the shirt he wears is short-sleeved and halfway unbuttoned to show the sliver of his chest and a name tattoo that you can’t read on his right pec paired with khaki shorts and white Vans. The gold jewelry—a chain around his neck, a watch, and an anklet on one of his ankles—add to this deliciously masculine summertime fit. You’ve been waiting for him to arrive, but now that he’s here, all the flirty bite you had in you earlier disappears.

You let out an embarrassing croak which he humorously smiles at. His smile is a killer, all white teeth and goddamn dimples. Damn him. He knows his powers. 

“I thought you were making the drinks,” Yuki says, talking for you since you suddenly cannot. “Though we’re not complaining, shouldn’t you be behind that bar?” 

“Not till 10:30,” Toji answers with a wink. “We’re fully booked with bartenders till then, so I’ve got a little break, but I can make a few exceptions for you two.” He looks at the bar, finding the tray of tequila shots sitting there. “Or not,” he chuckles. “Looks like you girls have already started.” 

He takes a seat next to you, practically filling up the space beside you with how big he is. “Uh, this is my friend Yuki,” you say, quickly snapping back to reality. “She’s my cruise buddy.” The blonde smiles at the bartender, putting an arm around you. “And the best person in her life,” she giggles. 

Toji offers his hand across you for a handshake. “Toji. Nice to meet you.” Yuki’s phone suddenly flashes and she quickly digs into her purse for it. She smiles at the mystery message on her phone and gives you a wink. “You two go on ahead and enjoy yourselves. My guest just arrived.” Meaning Choso is here and you’ll be left alone. 

Yuki downs a tequila shot, gives you a sticky kiss on the cheek, and leans down to whisper to you. “Have fun,” she says. “Call me if you need me.” And then, before you can even stop her or beg her to stay, she is gone. 

Now you’re left alone with the hot bartender. You become acutely aware of how close he's sitting next to you, his knee almost brushing yours. He clears his throat to ebb away the awkwardness, ”So you decided to come,” he states, smiling at you. 

You turn away, staring at your nails instead. You’re afraid to look at him too much or else you’ll melt. “I said I would, didn’t I?” you reply, picking up a shot glass. “So here I am.” You take a swig and swallow it whole before sucking on a lemon to ease the strong taste and burn in your throat. 

“I’d say you look good, but that isn’t goin’ to sweeten you up, is it?” Toji asks. He says it jokingly, but you can tell he’s noticed how hostile you seem. “What, party scene ain’t your thing?” 

You turn him, expecting him to be laughing at you, but you see none of that. Now you feel like a bitch. “Ah…no, I’m just a little seasick,” you lie. “Sorry. I’m just not used to cruises.” You sound as lame as you feel. “Why’d you decide to come then?” he wonders aloud. “Other than the pool and trips.” 

You allow yourself to chuckle, liking that he’s trying to ease your nerves. So you decide to tell him. “A breakup.” You watch Toji’s face fall. “I was with someone for three years, hoping that they’d ask me to move in with them or even propose, but that didn’t happen ‘cause they cheated on me, and for the last five months, I’ve been…” 

You pause, realizing that you’ve been talking for far too long. “Shit,” you sheepishly laugh. “Why didn’t you stop me from rambling?” 

Toji reaches across you for a shot glass and you realize just how big his arm is. He could put you in a chokehold if he wanted to and you’d enjoy it. ‘Cause I thought it was cute,” he simply replies as he downs the shot in one gulp. “But seriously: your ex sounds like a fuckin’ idiot. Barely a man.” 

You crack a small smile at his attempt at comforting you. “Yeah,” you sigh. “Thanks.” 

Silence descends upon you again, but this time, it’s less awkward or tense. “You ain’t the only one with a breakup on their back,” he somberly says. “My ex-wife and I divorced two years ago, but she recently got engaged to a new man. Can’t say I didn’t face that blow.” He heaves a heavy sigh, looking down from the memory. 

“Well, what happened?” You blurt and then cover your mouth, horrified at your prying. What is wrong with you tonight? “I-I’m sorry, you don’t have to—“ 

“Money problems,” he interrupts. “Plus, we married young when we had my son and started growin’ apart. That’s the name I’ve got on my chest that you were starin’ at: my son’s name.” He peels back a bit of his shirt to show you his tattoo. “Megumi”, it reads. 

“Yes, I saw you starin’ at it earlier,” he sniggers, his eyes filled with mirth. “You’re not as discreet as you think, darlin’.” You scowl at him, happy to be Black so he doesn’t see you blushing. “You jerk,” you scoff while he cackles at your dispense. “Fine. Then what about me starin’ dead at my boobs?” 

Toji looks like a kid caught in a cookie jar now. “It’s actually the necklace I was starin’ at—“ 

“Liar!” You laugh, lightly punching him in the arm. “You sound like one of my school kids’ lyin’ to my face after I told them not to do something.” Interest appears on his face. “School kids? You’re a teacher?” 

You nod, picking up another shot. Your second one of the night. “Yep, for about five years now.” You love your teaching job and your students. It feels good to be able to be such an important figure in their little lives. 

Toji whistles to himself. “Shit, my kid would definitely pay attention in school if he had a teacher that looked like you.” You criticize yourself for folding so easily. How does this man have so much game? But then again, he was married, so you suppose he knows how to flirt. 

He reaches for another shot and holds it up. “Cheers to work, new experiences, and a summer to remember.” You smile and raise your glass as well. “Cheers,” you parrot before you both down your shots in one gulp. 

Your second shot turns into a third. Then a fourth. And soon, it becomes easier to talk to Toji and not feel so awkward. You feel loose, but not enough to come out of your clothes or fall over chairs. The liquid courage gives you just enough confidence to stop being so closed off and start talking. Really talking. You converse with Toji the whole time about everything: your job, why he decided to bartend, where you’re both from (you’re from the US while he was born in Japan), relationships, food, etc. 

You find that you love talking to Toji. It could be the tequila shots, but you find yourself hanging onto all of his answers, jokes, and little quips. You giggle at his attempts at flirting with you and you flirt back, slamming your attraction down on the bar. “Y’know, you’re a really good listener,” you drunkenly admit. “Definitely not like my ex-dick.” He laughs, sucking on a lime. “It’s the magic of a bartender,” he chuckles. “I get that a lot, but you make it easy to listen.” 

His hooded eyes stare deeply into yours, making you turn into a puddle on the bar stool. You feel absolutely delicious and untouchable being in his presence, especially under his gaze. He can’t keep his eyes off of you. However, his magic is broken when a timer on his phone goes off. 

“Well, duty calls,” he sighs, stretching his big arms over his head. “Now I can show you all my tricks.” 

You giggle as he slides off of his stool and lifts up the bar to get to his post. “You mean that big game you were talkin’ earlier?” you snigger, crossing your legs over each other as you turn to face him. “Ah-ah, sweetie,” he tuts. “I told you: it’s all real. Lemme prove it to you.” 

‘I’d let you prove anything to me,’ you think, completely and totally wet over this man. How can you not be? Every word out of his mouth sounds like an innuendo or a promise better suited for the bedroom. You try to quell your horny thoughts as you watch him lean over the bar, giving you that playful smile. “What would you like?” he asks. “A mango daiquiri? Piña colada? Pick your poison.”

You take a moment to think, tapping one nail against your chin. “Hmmm…how ‘bout a mai tai?” 

Toji’s smile falls. “Seriously?” he asks. “All the fancy drinks I’ve been namin’ and you pick a mai tai? C’mon, darlin’, give me somethin’ bettter!” 

You stick your tongue out at him. “I want what I want,” you boldly say. “Now are you gonna give it to me or do I have to find it with another bartender?” You cock your head to the side, sizing him up. Toji, on the same type of time as you, smirks and begins to whip up your order. 

You watch his big arms and skillful hands whisk; pour; grab; shake. You imagine his hands all over you, one wrapped around your neck while the other is between your thighs, his thick fingers curled in your p– 

“Somethin’ here you like, miss?” he teasingly asks, his brown eyes fixed on you. You’ve been caught. “No,” you cough, feigning embarrassment. “Just wonderin’ what the hell is takin’ so long.” A twinkle appears in Toji’s eyes, attracted to your ability to keep up with his quips, as he finally pushes the finished drink your way. 

He watches you as you take a sip. You moan softly at the taste, falling in love with it. “Mmm!” you hum. “Okay, fine, I’ll bite. This is amazing.” Toji smiles, pleased. “I’m so glad I could please you,” he responds in that silky voice. “Looks like dude over there wants to please you too.” He nods down at the bar. 

You look to where he’s looking and notice another admirer with so much hair gel that it makes his hair stick together in clumps. He gives you a smile that looks more like a grimace and raises his glass your way. “Mmmm,” you hum, but not in a seductive, pleased way. You’re disgusted. “Not your type?” Toji asks, stifling his laughter as he wipes down the bar. 

You give the stranger a small smile before turning away and sipping your drink as if he isn’t there. “Let’s just say I don’t like hair gel.” Toji suddenly stops cleaning, interested in you now. “Then what is your type?” he boldly asks. 

You. You pout pretending to think. A lady never tells her secrets this early, but there’s something about the bartender that makes you want to throw all caution to the wind. You want him to know you’re feeling him. “Well….I like men who are tall…and can make me laugh…and are good with their hands.” You trail your eyes down to his big, strong hands. He notices. 

“What about you? What’s your type of girl?” You take a sip of your drink to cool yourself down, feeling hot all over. But then Toji fixes you with a look over the bar that makes you feel like you’ve stepped foot in a boiling volcano. “The kind that like mai tais,” he answers. His phone rings then, dropping whatever was about to happen from happening. “That’s my boss. Hang on a sec.” 

When he leaves, you finally feel like you can breathe, but your pussy has had it by now. She knows what she wants and she will get it. So you quickly take two more sips of your mai tai and fish $10 out of your purse along with a pen that you use to scribble down a message on a napkin: 

Toji, I left cuz I was overstimulated from the party. I loved talking to you & would like to do more up in my cabin. If you’re interested, come to the top floor at 210. I’ll see you then. - Y/N 

You fold the $20 into the napkin and leave it under your drink before leaving. When you text Yuki that you’re heading upstairs but to stay at the party, she catches on immediately. You don’t have to tell her that Toji will possibly be upstairs with you. “Just be careful, tell me everything later, and make sure he eats pussy,” she texts you back. 

After an hour he doesn’t show up. After two, he still doesn’t show up. When three hours go by, you’ve finished your glass of wine and have dozed off on the couch. When you wake up alone in your cabin with no Toji, you feel disappointment and embarrassment flare inside of you. You feel stupid. 

While it occurs to you that you never specifically asked him when his shift ends tonight, the party is over! It said it ended at midnight on the invitation. Plus, if you had asked when he’d be done with work, you would’ve exposed yourself for wanting to spend the night with him. You were supposed to be a creature of mystery AND seduction. 

But…maybe you should’ve just told him. Maybe you should’ve been real about your intentions from the start like Yuki encouraged you to be. You think about your lovely best friend leaving the party with Choso on her arm and going up to his room. The thought makes you sick. 

You thought for sure that you’d be in the same boat as her tonight, but you were sadly mistaken. Now here you are, sitting alone in your pretty sundress, slightly sober from the nap and not wanting to be. Viciously swiping away a lone tear that drips down your cheek, you pour yourself another glass of wine. What you need right now is a hot bubble bath. 

But as you walk towards the bathroom with every intention of drawing yourself a relaxing bath, stripping off your stupid dress, sipping your wine, and washing away tonight, you hear a sudden loud knock on the door. 

You startle, nearly dropping your wine goblet. You stare at the door, perplexed and scared. Yuki has her own key, so she won’t be knocking. So who in the hell is knocking on your door at this time of night? “Yes?” You call, your voice stern despite the wobble in it. “Y/N?” Toji’s deep voice drifts through the door. “It’s Toji. It’s late, I know, but I got your note and—“ 

You’re walking across the room and flinging the door open before he can finish. There he is standing before you. This isn’t a drunken hallucination or a mirage. He is right here at your door, still as sexy as the moment you saw him at the party tonight. He leans against the doorframe, looking like a big, hulking Adonis. 

“Sorry,” you breathlessly say. “I couldn’t really hear you.” “Can I come in?” he asks, his dark eyes hopeful. You nod and step aside for him to enter the empty cabin. ”Sorry for the mess.” 

“S’cool,” he chuckles. “I was sayin’ I got your note, but I got held up at the party. I was put on cleanin’ duty, but after that, I shot out of there as fast as I could.” He turns to you now and takes your smaller hands in his bigger ones, gently stroking your knuckles with his thumbs. His touch sends electricity shooting throughout your body. 

“I’m sorry to ask,” he says, his voice soft, “but is your offer still on the table?” His gaze is not intense but it is hot. It tells you that he still wants whatever you want to happen to happen. You now know he feels the same attraction to you that you do to him. 

Throwing all caution, insecurities, and doubt to the wind, you take your hands out of his, place them on his broad shoulders, and stand on your toes to press a hot, open-mouthed kiss to his lips. Toji moans into the kiss, his lips moving in tandem with yours. He tastes of mint gum and the tequila you consumed before, his tongue slowly chasing yours. 

When you pull away, there is a string of spit that attaches itself to your bottom lip. Toji’s gaze is dark and heated, burning you on the spot. “Don’t apologize,” you murmur against his lips. “Just fuck me. Please.” 

Toji grins down at you and instantly grabs your ass over your dress. “That’s all I needed to hear, baby,” he exhales before swooping in to take you into another sloppy, open-mouthed kiss that results in a make-out session. His pillowy-soft lips and stubble rubbing against your chin instantly make you wet. You can’t remember the last time a man’s kiss made you feel so aroused. 

His hands and body too. As his fingers and big palms glide up and down your thighs and ass beneath your dress, your hands indulge in his lusciously hard muscles. His biceps, pectorals, and abs all seduce you, making your inner thighs clench together in excitement. You can’t help but moan and whimper into his mouth, your bodies pressed against each other, hands all over each other’s bodies.

Finally fed up, Toji tears himself away from you, panting heavily. “Turn around and let me take this off of you,” he demands, his hands gliding down your sides. “As good as you look in this dress, I need to see it on the floor.” 

You do as he says and shiver as his fingers brush your skin while he toys with the bow holding your dress up. He only has to pull on one of the ties to make it slide off your body, exposing your brown skin, naked breasts, and thong to him. He runs a hand down his face as he gapes at you. “Shit,” he hisses. “Now why the fuck would anyone cheat on you? Your ex is officially a dickhead.” 

He moves towards you and swoops you up in his arms, wrapping them around your front. You bite your lip, instantly falling back into him. “You’re fuckin’ perfect,” he whispers, his teeth nibbling at your ear. “Lemme show you how much. Just tell me what you like.” 

As he kisses up and down your neck, gently sucks and nibbles on your hard nipples, and massages your ass with those big hands, you tell him every naughty, nasty thing you love. You tell him your kinks. Your fantasies. How you want to be touched and used. Toji’s smile grows wider and his cock grows harder with every secret that you tell him. 

Somehow, that all results in you getting spread eagle on your twin-sized bed while Toji is between your thighs, slurping at your pussy and fingerfucking you. You gasp and writhe on the mattress, one hand gripping the comforter while the other is laced in Toji’s black locks. “God, Toji, yes!” You whine, your voice bouncing off of the room’s walls. 

You don’t care if your neighbors hear you. Anyone would be as loud as you if they could feel Toji’s tongue swirling against your clit and his long, skilled fingers curling up inside of you. The wet squelching of his digits fucking your cunt make you even wetter much to his enjoyment. He eagerly slurps and licks up all that you give him, his tongue sliding down to your asscrack and then up again to your slit. 

“You taste so fuckin’ good, mama,” he moans, pressing a kiss to your quivering inner thighs. “But I know what’ll make ya taste even better.” He gives you a mischievous rin that both excites and scares you. He slowly slides his fingers out of you and sucks on them, looking you in your eyes as he does.

“Stay here,” he orders even though you’re not going anywhere. You watch him walk over to the mini fridge in your cabin and retrieve the complimentary mini bottle of Patron that was given to you and Yuki yesterday as a welcome gift. You got that along with the bottle of wine you just consumed, a fruit plate, and a bag of chocolates that you both shared while sitting on the balcony last night. 

Though Toji is only gone for two minutes, it’s enough to make your throbbing, aching pussy feel desperate and impatient. When he returns, you whimper, sliding your hand down to play with yourself. “Toji, please,” you whisper, gasping when he smacks your hand away. “Uh-uh,” he sternly says. “That’s my pussy tonight. No touchin’ what’s mine.” 

The idea of that turns you on more than you can express. You helplessly watch as he pops open the Patron and takes a swig before pouring a few droplets onto your hard, brown nipples. He swoops down and sucks on both, causing shocks of pleasure to soar through you. “Mmm,” you hum, eyes rolling back at the pleasure. 

Toji pulls away, his eyes intense. “Open your mouth,” he demands and you do. He takes a swig of the tequila before he leans in and presses his mouth to yours, spitting the Patron in it. You have no choice but to swallow it, your cunt throbbing from the act. 

“Like that, baby?” He asks, smirking down at you. Chuckling when you nod, he hovers over you and pours some Patron on your pussy lips. You gasp as the cool liquid hits your sensitive, heated skin, but the chill doesn’t last for long when Toji swoops in to engulf your cunt in his mouth and tongue. 

“Oh, Toji!” You gasp, your back arching off the bed. His fingers slip inside of you again as he hungrily laps at your pussy, slurping up your juices and the tequila. “Shit,” you hiss. “Right there! Oooh, yes, right there!” 

The bartender chuckles against your clit, keeping the same tempo and pressure as he fingers you, causing more juices to slip down your asscrack and onto the bed. It doesn’t take long for that knot in your core to tighten, threatening to snap the more Toji plays with your clit and your pussy. You grip his hair and shoulder for dear life, digging your nails into his skin and scalp. 

“T-Toji,” you stammer. “I-I’m close! You’re gonna…gonna make me cum.” The sexy man between your thighs mumbles in agreement against your cunt, demanding your orgasm with his fingers and tongue. “Cum for me, you little slut,” he growls. “Do it. Give it to me, baby.” 

You don’t even have a chance to warn him before your orgasm rolls out of you and hits you like a tidal wave that rocks you to your core. A loud scream-like moan escapes you as you gush all over Toji’s face, coating his chin and mouth in your cum along with his fingers. They become sticky with you and he loves every second of it. He continues to do this even as your body squirms beneath him and you try to push him away. 

“T-Toji,” you whimper. “W-Wait, oh, fuck, wait, i-it’s too much!” You’ve become overstimulated, your clit throbbing in protest to his tongue bath. Finally, he pulls away and hovers over you, his fingers and mouth coated in your cum. He then puts his fingers above your mouth. “Taste yourself,” he orders. 

Like a puppet pulled on strings, you sit up and suck your cum off of his fingers, staring deep into his eyes as you do. He then tears his digits out of your mouth like you just bit him and jumps up to strip. You watch with eager eyes as he takes off his shirt, pants, and then finally his briefs. Your eyes roam down his big, squeezable pecs, his washboard abs where a delicious happy trail lies, right down to his long, thick third arm swinging between his thick thighs and dripping in precum. 

“You’re perfect,” you whisper before you can stop yourself. Toji chuckles, pleased with your reaction to his physique. “Glad you like what you see, mama,” he says, giving his cock a little sway that has you hypnotized. “I do too.” He comes over to the edge of the bed and gets on top of you, straddling your chest. 

Your eyes widen at the cock in your face gently probing your chin. “Open your mouth, baby,” he coaxes. “Don’t I deserve some fun too?” He pushes his hips forward, gently prying your lips apart. You allow him to slide into your mouth and stretch your jaw to accommodate his girth. He is all length and thickness, stretching out your cheeks and immediately causing spit to gather in your mouth which makes it easier for him to fuck it. 

“Shit, baby,” he groans, watching you take his cock deeper. “You must’ve needed this too.” Through his hooded gaze, he is enchanted by the way you gag and slobber on his cock…with no hands. You bob your head up and down, your moans causing vibrations along his shaft that travel all the way to his balls. 

His hand grabs the back of your head as he begins to roll his hips against your mouth, making you take more and more of him down your throat. You begin to gag as he hits the back of your throat, but you don’t pull away. He chuckles, caressing your scalp. “I like that noise,” he hums. “Keep gaggin’ on that shit for me.” 

Like a good girl, you do, breathing through your nostrils as you do. You look up into his eyes, spit copious amounts of saliva onto his dick, and suck that shit like it’s your profession. His moans and swears egg you on, making your pussy throb and gush excitedly at the sexy sounds escaping his mouth. Even with the spit dripping down your mouth and your mascara ruined, you’ve never felt sexier being used like a toy for Toji’s pleasure. 

Having had enough, Toji finally slides out of your mouth with a moan and quickly jumps off of you. He stands at the end of the bed between your thighs and slides his dick once, twice, thrice against your slit before finally sliding home inside of the wet depths of your pussy. You both gasp in unison at the contact, the bliss hitting you both instantly. 

He yanks on your ankles, pulling you closer to the edge of the bed, and begins slowly rocking his hips into you. The act causes your clit to glide against his pelvis and more wetness to gather in your pussy that gushes around him. It makes it much easier for Toji to fuck you, so he places his hands on either side of your head and deepens his strokes. Your mouth falls agape, the stretching sensation and pleasure you feel otherworldly. “Ah!” you gasp, grabbing his shoulders. 

Toji is feeling the same, unable to stop his hips from moving and moans from escaping his lips. “God, you’re so fuckin’ tight,” he grunts. “You feel so good, darlin’.” He pants and groans in your ear, making your pussy throb excitedly at the sounds. The pleasure is so immense that you can feel tears gently pushing past your eyes. You can’t remember the last time you felt this good. You can’t get enough of him. You need all of him. 

You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. When he leans up to look down at you, you hold his gaze with yours. “Fuck me, Toji,” you beg through teary eyes. “Just take what you need.” 

Toji takes your wrists in his hands and pins them above your head, causing your heart to leap. “No…I’m gonna give you what you need,” he softly growls and captures your mouth in a sloppy kiss. And then he proceeds to grab your hips and piston into you until you see stars. You can’t stop the moans and gasps that escape you as his cock strokes your insides, causing lewd squelches and bouncing bedsprings to create a symphony of sex in the cabin. 

To anyone walking by your room, they’d absolutely know what’s up. You’re so loud that, of course, they’d hear your incoherent words mushed together from the pleasure and deep dick you’re being given. “Fuck, Toji, yes!” you babble. “Fuck me just like that! Just. Like. That!” 

Toji grins above you, proud of the way you’re submitting to him with every roll of his hips. Your body looks so good beneath him, pinned down to the bed with no way to go. You have no choice but to take all the dick he’s giving you. He loves the way your tits jiggle with every thrust of his hips, giving him something to watch other than your pretty face. 

He wonders what else he can make jiggle. Suddenly getting an idea, he pauses in his fucking and places his hands under your ass. Without pulling out, he picks you up and begins walking with you away from the bed. “W-Where are we going?” you softly ask, tightening your limbs around him. Toji just smirks at you as he uses one hand to unlock the balcony. “To get some air.” 

When you suddenly feel the cool air tinged with the smell of sea salt on your skin, you feel your heart leap and your stomach flip. What is he planning? With a soft moan, Toji pulls out of you and places you onto your feet. His eyes, filled with lust, are illuminated by the big, silver moon that hangs above the dark sea below. 

“Bend over,” he demands. Your eyes widen at him. “W-What?” you squeak. “But someone could see us!” There are plenty of people down below and on either side of you in their own cabins. Anyone could look up or over at you getting slutted out on the balcony. 

Toji firmly grasps your chin and squeezes your cheeks together, his expression almost feral. “I don’t give a fuck,” he growls. “They can look all the way. Regardless, I’m makin’ you cum and then fillin’ you up. Now bend the fuck over.” With his other hand, he gives your ass a smack. “Don’t make me ask you again.”

With your ass stinging and your pussy weeping, how can you deny him? You turn around and slowly bend over the balcony, grasping the bar as you do. You moan as he slides his cock up against your slit, nudging your clit, before sliding in again. Your moans grow embarrassingly louder as he begins to fuck you, his cock sinking deeper inside of you at this angle. “Fuuuck, you got wetter, mama,” he cackles, gripping your hips. “What, does my little slut like gettin’ backshots in public?” 

Slowly, he lifts up one of your legs, not enough to hurt you but enough to make you feel even more of him. His heavy balls slap against your clit as he thrusts a little faster than before, paying close attention to how you respond. T-Toji, no!” you whine. “Someone’s gonna see!” 

You can see people walking about on the lower deck, unaware of the woman getting backshots above them, Smack! He gives your asscheek another harsh smack that echoes across the water. “Didn’t I tell you I don’t give a fuck?” he grunts. “Let ‘em see this pussy gettin’ filled up. I’m givin’ you more pleasure than they’ll ever have in their lives, baby.” 

He grabs one of your tits with one hand, massaging it while he presses his face into your hair. You can feel him everywhere. Your senses are filled with nothing but him. Getting fucked by him in the summer breeze and moonlight is the most erotic thing that has ever happened to you. You can feel your pussy tightening around him, your peak nearing. 

As if sensing it, Toji turns your face to meet his as he continues to piston his cock into you, though he slows his pace in favor of agonizingly slow strokes. “Look at me, you little slut,” he demands. “Watch me fuck you.” His handsome face is flushed, sweat sticking to his forehead. “Tell me it feels good. Tell me you love this fuckin’ cock.” 

You feel delirious from the pleasure, like another woman who lives off of getting fucked and slutted out for the rest of her days has crawled into your body. “I love it!” you whine. “I fucking love it the way you fuck me, Daddy!” That’s the magic word for Toji. 

He grips you to him and proceeds to fuck you faster, harder, giving you exactly East you need. You wrap your arm around his head to bring him closer, sharing a sloppy kiss as his thrusts quickly bring you over the edge. You don’t care if people see you. You don’t care if they hear you. All that matters is right now. All that matters is that you cum. “God, Toji!” you shout, your voice carried among the waves. “You’re gonna make me cum!” 

Toji loops a hand around your neck and squeezes, making you gasp at the pressure. “Try again, mama.” 

Realizing your mistake, you quickly correct yourself, needing to cum. “Daddy, please,” you sob. “Please keep going! I need you to make me cum!” Toji smiles against your cheek, supremely satisfied with your compliance. “Good girl,” he grunts. “M’close too. Want you to cum on this dick while I fill you up.” 

There is no more talking. Only desperate moans, grunts, and gasps as he takes you to the land of bliss with his cock. You get yourself there quicker by rubbing your clit in time with his thrusts and finally, that knot inside of your core snaps. “I’m cumming, I’m cumming!” you babble. 

Toji doesn’t need to warn you. His desperate, sloppy thrusts tell you that he’s close and when he grips you tighter than a vice, your body flush against his, you know that he’s cumming you. As your pussy gushes around him, his cock explodes and floods you with his cum. You both moan in unison as your orgasms take you through the stars and above, beyond the sea and beyond that. It’s blissful. It’s a high you’ve never experienced before. 

When it fades, Toji pulls his cock, wet with your cum, out of you and wraps his hand around it, pumping it as he gives you a heated look. “On your knees. I’m not done with you yet.” On wobbly legs, you kneel down in front of him, watching him lazily stroke his cock in front of you. “Clean yourself off of me,” he demands. “You made the mess, so you need to clean it up.” 

You open your mouth and lazily lick his cock, cleaning yourself off of him. He softly moans as you do, caressing your hair. “Good girl,” he sighs. “Now did I make it up to you or what?”

You lean your head against his thigh, too exhausted to reply. “Aw, poor thing got fucked too good,” he chuckles. “C’mon, let’s get you inside. 

Suddenly, you’re lifted off of the floor and carried into the cabin. You feel the cool comforter underneath you as Toji lays you down on the bed and then his warm, hard body curls next to yours. You lean your head on his chest as he tests his hand on your ass, comfortable and content.

“So I’m guessin’ they’ll be a next time for this while you’re on your trip?” he asks. 

You can only nod in response as sleep comes like a wave and sweeps you out to sea with him. 

THE END.

[theantarwitch]

Non human Ancestors

I was just thinking... often I see a lot about ancestor work (something that I don’t actually do for reasons lol) which is mostly aimed to human ancestors, our beloved past generations that we never were able to know; but I was taking a shower and it occurred to me: What about our ancestors that are so back in time that are not even human? They existed, right?

Specially having in mind that humans (“modern” humans) are actually so new in the big scheme of the evolution line. As someone said, from Jesus (Year 0) to now, to around 30 years between generations, there are around 56 mothers long (some put up to 80 or 100 mothers). Which is an actually ridiculously small fragment of time. Don’t get me wrong, is a lot of time to us, but the earth is quite oldy. Also, interesting fact: 1 generation ago you have 2 parents, 2 generations ago you have 4 grandparents… 56 generations ago you have 16,000,000,000,000,000 ancestors! So each time you do ancestor work, you have a little army up there lol.

Back to what matters. There were humans before the year 0. There was a moment when they were not even humans, but their evolved blood still flows on out veins, their evolutionary bias still affects us. We find calmness on the shower because we once were living on the water. Our strong emotional based reactions come from the times where our rational thinking wasn’t a thing. The appendix is considered a small leftover from one of our plant-eating ancestors. The coccyx is all that remains of our ancestral tails. Humans pay extra attention to the red color because was a sign of a ripe fruit (and blood). Hiccups might be attributed to an ancient amphibian ancestor. That we and other mammals have 5 fingers is rooted to a dang fish! Our fear of dark, the way we unconsciously analyze others, how we manage to unconsciously pick the “best partner”, the virus and bacteria that live in our bodies in a symbiotic way, and so on. Almost all what we are now, mentally, emotionally and physically, is a result of millions of years of evolution, of species that don’t look like us. An almost endless line of lucky and well adapted creatures, in a web of evolution, trial and error, until now. So why only focus on our modern human ancestors? One of you ancient grandmothers was a “fish”, she did her part and she know things that we have no idea, so why don’t ask them for aid?  

From the Homo Sapiens (Us, in the last 500.000 years) with their extreme mental developed brains, their, inventive, problem solving, creativity, to the Homo Erectus being the first to cook food (controlled fire), to make handaxes, to hunt and gather in coordinated groups, in caring for injured or sick group members, to walk fully straight as us; to the Australopithecus, and back to our unknown Hominini “Missing Link”.

From the Purgatorius, the progenitor of primates, to the Pelycosaur, the one from which Sauropsids (the ancestors of reptiles of all sorts) and of Synapsids (that's mammals AND their ancestors) split off from.

From the Hylonomus, the first reptile, to the Tiktaalik, the first fish in venture to leave the ocean and walk in the earth, to the Agnatha, the first fish.

To the Urmetazoan, the hypothetical last common ancestor of all animals.

3.7 billion years old of ancestors. I think is poetic to think about it. The spirit of some Homo Erectus getting happy when you lit a candle, the Tiktaalik’s spirit noticing how you are in ease when you take a long shower, a fluffy Synapsids’s energy remembering their old times when you sleep comfy on your bed, an anxious Purgatorius’s spirit who see you eat your veggies just like they did… So many unknown ancestors, from the most primitive form of life, seeing their evolutionary mark on you.  

I don’t know, maybe is time to drop a snack in their name, who knows which knowledge they can bring us back, from their experiences in a time where life wasn’t easy, from a time where the earth wasn’t even remotely similar to our earth now. We are almost aliens to them, but we carry them, deep inside our DNA. Who knows in which funky animalistic way they can aid us? Is worthy to think about it, at least for a while. They deserve the recognition too…

[irislunace]

I Love Us

Honestly, I'm so, so very glad AvA is the first fandom I've actually been an active participant in.

LONG RANT INCOMING

Throughout the years, I have "been in fandoms", but I never felt like posting my own art or works, commenting on vids (i didn't have a youtube account back then, still don't), or being anything other than a silent observer.

Back in March, when I came home from that math competition, and found AvMath in my recommendeds, and just clicked on it, I did not expect to get dragged into a fandom about stick figures, of all things. I remember watching AvPhysics directly after, then finding "Wanted", and watching it with no context. I remember going to the wiki, seeing all of the content that was made, and and binging AvM and the actual shorts and literally everything else.

And most of all, I remember thinking, "I wish I could just erase all of this from my mind and experience the magic all over again."

-

In May, I took a chance and went to Ao3. I knew it was a site to post fanfiction, but it had never been something I was interested in. But I was just curious, to see if fanfiction about this amazing fandom really existed. I didn't have an account, no; I think I just wanted to see.

There were about 1600-1700 fics on there about AvA, during that time. I didn't know how hits worked or kudos worked, but I just remember scrolling down until I could find something that looked like a lot of people had liked it.

And even then, I clearly remember the first fic I touched. "Identity", by LeenaFreeBird (I'll link it at the bottom). I absolutely loved it. I spent the rest of the month simply reading, and consuming all of the cool hcs, learning what fan terms meant, having an idea for my own fic that I thought, back then, I could never write.

Because I didn't.

I never made an account or wrote. I never left comments because part of me though people without an account wouldn't be able to, and that was just habit, at this point.

And even though I stepped slightly away from there in the months of June and July (we were in the process of moving halfway across the country, I had just watched the new Demon Slayer season, and upon recommendation had binged all of Haikyuu in a week), I always made sure to keep updated on whatever new AvA/M videos had been posted.

In August, I went back on Ao3.

SO MANY AMAZING FICS HAD BEEN WRITTEN IN THE SPAN I WAS AWAY.

I remember binging all of them for the month. I sat alone at lunch (as I was new I didn't have any friends), just reading them on my phone and getting sucked back into there.

In September AvI began. On a whim I logged back into my tumblr account that I had made like 5 years ago in 4th grade to post random rambling stuff about my life (I tagged nothing but my username wth), and redid my entire blog. I was sooo happy when one of my posts reached 100 notes.

I felt way stronger, and way braver. I joined the invite queue for Ao3, because I decided I DID want an account, and I DID want to post my own fics.

And everyone was (and is) SO NICE about it. They love my fics and posts (which I still consider really crappy, btw) to pieces, and always give me good comments. Even my bad fanart (another thing I got the courage to post during this time). Shipping wars never happen here (if they did, I wouldn't know about it). Rarepairs are appreciated, and we unanimously know the ships that should be completely illegal (not naming ship names here).

Everything and everyone is loved, and this is like the one little corner of the Internet where mostly all is safe and your opinion is valued. Sure, your fan theory may be wrong, but people here don't go and tell you "that's so stupid lol, no way that's true". They'll give you actual feedback, explain the evidence that falsifies it, or add to it because they like it.

Even on YouTube, if someone posts a yellue ship video, for example, they'll get hate, or "the color quad are just siblings lol", or "they r stickmen why are u shipping them". If someone HCs Blue as a girl (ik that's been debunked where we are at rn), they'll get a comment saying "it's stickman for a reason".

Like, let people have their opinions. Alan has never confirmed the color quad as siblings, or their origin story. I know he has said that he would like to avoid romance by not making female characters, but it's not like the people who ship yellue or grapeduo barge up to his door and demand he makes it canon. They're just peaceful, and everything that you're saying is fanon. For all we know, four different animators could have collabed on the sticksfight website and each animated a different character (not saying that's true, but we don't know).

And even with hollowhead pairs. Alan created them, yes, but how does Creator transfer to father in this scenario? We don't know, because he hasn't confirmed the hollowheads as siblings either. They still get hate on YouTube.

But Tumblr just loves everyone. The AvA community, for example, will always make you feel like you posted something good. They lift you up, not put you down. They appreciate your headcanons because it provides a new way of looking at things.

They appreciate you.

I feel so much better about putting myself out there, and I know I will do so more in the future. I now cannot comprehend how someone can see all of this content and think "they are just stick figures". No they aren't. They are stick figures with trauma, feelings, pain, heroic qualities, fatal flaws.

You, tumblr, makes me feel this way.

Thank you so much.

(I did not expect to rant about my entire journey when I was supposed to be talking about how amazing the AvA tumblr fandom is, but now that I have I'll just keep it. Here's the fic I was talking about)